#i think we just have 1 too many enigmatic characters

[crustyfloor]

Luka is very good at keeping himself composed on stage, mostly with the help of maintaining track of his heart rate, but during Mizi's attack in ROMH he seemed to slip up, not only was the red background a tell-tale sign of Mizi's violent intentions but it was a more symbolic way of showing Luka in quite visceral fear. Even if for only a second.

I'm not convinced Luka will be as continuously calculated as he normally comes off, it all seems too fake to me. Because it is. It’s a similar case to Ivan who can't feel, isn't normal, isn't human enough so he makes a persona to blend in. So Luka, whoever he is, makes this version of himself to cope with what he has to live through, pretending like he's on top of it all to survive in this world.

So in round 7, I think something drastic will happen to make him 'snap' in a way.

It's safe to say that we don't know Luka. We don't know who he really is. We don't know his real desires. But we do know one thing--he is scared. he is afraid of the aliens. That's why he appeases them--being their trophy. He's only kept around for his purpose as an entertainer and nothing else and he's very aware of that. He knows very well that a dented trophy will be discarded; with that mindset, he's been able to get so far, and he's scared of losing. That's why he holds any little thing he can get his hands on close. And an important extension of that fear is his fear of losing power.

Till should be the more likely in this position, given he's such a rebel. But isn't that just too predictable? Keep in mind, that Till is a strong person. Even after all he's been through, even after he's been beaten into something more manageable for the aliens--He still hasn't lost his spark. Till is a raging storm. subdued but nonetheless a force to be reckoned with.

Round 6's effect on Till is greatly ambiguous for now but at this point when the time for round 7 comes, Till has been put through so much hell. Whatever Luka does to provoke him probably won't work, he and Luka are equally talented individuals and will make for an intense battle, and at the end of the day, the numbers won't lie. Exactly that is what Luka is ready for but scared of--a worthy opponent for the throne. Someone capable of stripping him of his power. (Is fear what makes Luka so dismissive?)

It would be so aggravating that this 'pest'. who is so indignant, so rebellious (in a way Luka envies.), could so easily destroy everything Luka has worked for, disregard every pain Luka has been through to get to this point, and Till doesn't value this throne as much as Luka does, and Luka doesn't want to feel the pain of death anymore. If his facade is as destructible as I think it is, that will be what ultimately brings out Luka.

This idea may be flawed. Luka is so perfect, too perfect and confident and experienced for something as little as that to break him, just think of all the training Luka went through to get to this point. I'm positive he's very aware of what playing unfairly will lead to. But isn't there always room for a wild card?

Just remember what happened to Hyun-woo.

What happened here isn't fully explained (and probably will be in round 7) but imagine Luka: "Trophy child, goody two shoes" Luka possibly killing another human. Whether by accident or not, what happened?--what and how did Luka feel in the moment for the repercussions of whatever happened to be that bad?

A Luka that is secretly greatly insecure, pliable, and defensive enough that in a spur of emotions, he can’t help but lose his cool in a way he hasn’t in a while because he’s afraid—just to try and prove he is still valuable. That is the type of character I theorize we'll come to see in round 7.

[yaralulu]

Thank you for tagging me @the-darkestminds @zenkindoflove <33

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Veryyy new to all this so 4 rn !!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

24,076 (like i said im still a baby to all this )

3. What fandoms do you write for? ACOTAR

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Dressing Room Dilemma 

A Ghost We Both Know

Just A Tug

Want By Proxy

5. Do you respond to comments? Definitely!! Comments are such a serotonin boost and I love responding to people and thanking them for commenting because it genuinely means the world to me.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? A Ghost We Both Know has a very angsty ending. I’ve had a few people even ask for a second chapter but I fear the angst is the end of it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I’d say Just A Tug has a very fluffy ending.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes. I’m very new to it and quite frankly I have no idea what I’m doing and it sometimes feel like torture but I can’t stop writing it LOL. I’m learning as I go on so every time I write something I’m basically experimenting but I do feel most comfortable writing queer smut.

9. Do you write crossovers? No. Not something I read or write.

10. Have you ever had a fic translated? No

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No but sounds very fun.

12. What is your all-time favorite ship? If we’re talking ACOTAR it’s Tamcien 🤭🤭

13. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have this very unhinged tamcien/elucien cheating fic that’s just dialogue in a document somewhere and it’s never seeing the light of day.

14. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue!! Most of my fics stem from random dialogue scenes I’ve made up in my head and I think I do a good job writing realistic fun dialogue. I think I’m fairly good at writing the overall scenes too—speech tags and tones,character expressions,introspection between all that. I like my dialogue scenes to be very detailed.

15. What are your writing weaknesses?  Still very new to writing so to me everything ��? But mainly descriptions of sceneries and surroundings. It’s such a specific skill to be able to capture surroundings into words and articulate it well and make it sound beautiful and I’m just not there yet.

16. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? The idea of using google translate and someone noticing its all so off is just a big no to me. I do however speak arabic so 👀👀

17. First fandom you wrote for? ACOTAR

18. Favorite fic you’ve written? Surprisingly my most recent luzriel fic. I really struggled with writing it bc I was going through probably the most stressful weeks of my life but I somehow finished it and it was exactly what I imagined?? I had such a vivid image of what it looked like and I feel like I conveyed that really well. 

It’s also such a rarepair and there’s no scenes of them even remotely interacting so I had to build their dynamic from the ground up. It was a challenge to write a character like Azriel who I don’t really read too many fics about and is also so enigmatic in the books. I had to do so much research on that man like I was out here searching what he smells like. I know him too well now.

Ok i’m done talking.

Pretty much everyone has already done this but if you haven’t, pretend I tagged you 🙏!!

[hermirrorsimage]

steven universe theory megathread

so i’ve been rewatching steven universe & will update as i go. i had the idea to do this several episodes in but it became like my nightly thing to watch SU before bed so i’m at like season 3 now.. but anyways.

i wanna preface this by saying that i genuinely believe SU season 1 is entirely different & had a way different outcome than season 2 takes it, to the point where i’m going to regard it as a different show. as it stands now, most of my theories come from a season 1 outlook. i genuinely believe season 1 is its own, self-contained story that has no ending & instead can only be theorized on. i believe season 2 onward as somewhat of a spin-off that aligns SOMETIMES with season 1′s plan for the story, but overall takes it in a severely different direction. not sure the reasoning why, but from the looks of it & the theories i’ve come up with, it seems to have taken it in a darker/grim look & CN might not have liked that. or that a white woman was handling topics such as colonization & essentially a race war :) maybe that’s me.

general notes:

- although steven is the titular character, garnet pushes the story forward. the real stories lies in the gem’s backgrounds, & the only one doing that really is garnet. she’s the one that mainly sends them on missions, with a vague plan of what to do.

although she’s funneled into the leader archetype in season 2, it wasn’t where her character was meant to go. the amazing dynamic between the gems is that they’re all rough, stranded, & flawed in their own ways. garnet’s being (& it isn’t really said plainly enough) is that she’s sporadic, enigmatic, you can’t tell what she’s thinking, and she just possesses knowledge. they might use her like a compass but she is not meant to be the leader. she’s made into that role especially after we first meet sardonyx & that storyline plays out, but it ruins the dynamic. the dynamic of them being stranded, far from home, without their true leader, and that they don’t necessarily mesh well, but they come together for steven. that’s where the powerful storytelling lies in this show. i didn’t mean to take this bullet this route, but it needs to be said. anyways,

- garnet’s future vision

before it’s ever mentioned to us, and before we really get a handle on the dynamic, garnet is seen as this dauntless leader setting the team out on missions. as we come to learn her, we find out about future vision, and that’s what the show hinges on, i believe.

early season 1, the gems are just entirely out running quests & chores, all at the behest of garnet, who never shows where she gets her information. then we’re introduced to future vision.

through this lens, it’s safe to say that the quests she has the gems completing are all through the followings of future vision. look back on season 1 & you’ll wonder just where all the gems they’re fighting came from, how they knew about them, and quests such as the moon spire, the desert glass, etc. vs. season 2 & 3 where these new gem monsters are sparse & now only focused on expanding what’s already been established, such as the forced fusions, the diamonds, peridot, & lapis.

season 2 ruins this, and turns future vision into some sort of gimmick, with garnet plainly stating “i knew you would do that.” & i think at one point genuinely saying “my future vision told me” vs. how we were introduced to it, as flowing rivers & opportunities. you can argue that she just knows steven, or steven’s possibilities all mainly end up in the same way, but it’s too jarring & honestly it just fits my fantasy to blame it on the writers. what i will say though, is what feels like natural growth is garnet being more open, more personable, and more emotional. that i understand & genuinely enjoy, such as the random moments she shows her love for steven.

- season 2 ruination

like i said, it seems like season 1 is self-contained. season 1 establishes many old locations & characters & an overarching problem. the gems are fighting other gem monsters, corrupted versions of their old selves, while steven develops his powers. then it’s revealed that homeworld is still interested in the earth colony & we’re introduced to peridot & lapis, this opens up an entirely new conflict & location. i feel like partway into season 1 is where things branch off, although i feel like the jail break finale is a perfect way to end things & miiiiight’ve been what the season was leading up to anyways (garnet being a fusion is hinted at in like the beginning episodes), it still feels like the scope was lowered IMMENSELY. from here, there’s many options. a second war, steven becoming more powerful than the gems combined, the introduction of another friendly gem (not necessarily bismuth), etc. but it feels like it was ushered into a different age with season 2 & i dislike it because i think from 2 onward, the cringe content skyrockets.

- organic matter

i think, like future vision, this is one thing that the entire show hinges on & treats very importantly. steven is part gem, part organic matter, and he’s able to fuse with connie, and also heal her. organic matter is treated very sensitively in the show, and the episode i’m on now, (the centipeedle healing episode in season 3) shows steven repairing his torn stuffed animal, despite it not being organic matter. this can kinda go off in 2 ways, one weird one being M.C. bear bear IS made of organic matter, whether uncannily or just “technically the MATERIAL is organic”, or that steven is just able to heal things he sees broken & repairing them to his image. i don’t like this at all. i think steven’s handling of organic matter is something they wanted to open up later, such as his fingers turning into actual cats & fusing with connie, but was ditched entirely. you could say this has something to do with steven being a fusion (i forgot that entire scene tbh) but i think it was going to take a more darker look onto it. also steven being a fusion is pretty dark & pretty metal. but i mean it could’ve been darker as in like more grim. something weird.

- the government

i’ve been thinking more about immersion & IPs, & if you impose SU on the real world, obviously the government would know about the homeworld aircrafts, melon/mask island, & the gems in general, but they don’t. you could “it’s a cartoon” it away but i genuinely want to get into it

my theory is that beach city is some sort of ghost town, untouched by the government or, alternatively, allowed free reign, as in the government doesn’t interfere, and that would explain why mayor dewey is incompetent & mostly does nothing all day, he’s just a fake mayor there to save face, just to sit in a position so people know that beach city has a mayor & therefore a government system in place.

one fun thought is that the ronaldo “snake people” storyline (have no idea why they even thought it was ok to do that) was foreshadowing—cause they LOVE to do that—that the government might be run by gems, deep undercover, or some shit. idk. it has holes it’s just a fun what-if

alternatively, what’s really happening is the government in SU works differently than our own & is nothing like our preconceived notion of what our modern government WOULD do, but i think it’s worth pointing out. i really respect that the show doesn’t bother giving an excuse & is just operating on a “just go with it” but i love thinking about the ins & outs, and this was one of them.

i’ll continue to update this every session i have that ends in theorycrafting

[bcbdrums]

I'm sorry if this got too long.

I'm copying your entire ask for context:

I'm, conviced that Kim wanted to ask Ron to prom since the beggining but got cold feet due to many reasons: the social expectations, the fear of Ron not reciprocating (he did break up with her in one episode afterall) a possible fear of ruinning their friendship, There's one scene where she is sulking watching couples pass by and then Ron approaches and tells her he knows why she is sad and Kim optimistically says "really?" 1/2

And Ron tells her he thought it was mission Kim's mood inmediately dips down again. It really, really looked like she was expecting him (and getting happy) to ask her out. And from her position her actions are understandable, she was torn out about asking Ron out since the beggining. Not because she didn't want to be with him but because she (just like Ron) also had her own doubts and fears. And once Ron gains the confidence to express her feelings towards her 2/3

Kim immediately accepts, due to the circunstances I'd admit that at first Ron looks like a rebound, but if we pay attention to Kim during the whole movie (and specially during the series) it's made clear she liked him for a long time and was probably waiting the whole movie for him to make the first move. And that's what he did at the end and yet she was still the one who took the iniciative either way, by holding his hand taking him to the prom

My only complain is that I wish Kim had been the one to ask Ron out, but I get that Ron always needed to make the first move either way, Also I don't get the people who criticize Kim during the movie, there are far too many fan stories where she doesn't believe him or where she supposedly treats him "badly", I never understood that because Kim would never. Yes she was infatuated, because of something that was specifically designed to make her act like that 3/?

and yet when Ron came to her with a very crazy story Kim immediately believed him and backed him up. She didn't do anything wrong and her actions according to her situation were undestandable. Sorry if this got too long, There are too many stories that blame Kim or just paint her in a negative light or made her do things she would never do in this specific scenario. This are just thoughts I wanted to share they aren't directed to anyone really. I just wanted to talk about it

You intrigue me, Anon! I'll have to re-watch those scenes to try to get a better read on Kim's reactions. I can't watch it right now unfortunately but the idea that Kim was waiting for Ron to make the move in So the Drama is interesting.

I think you’re right that his saying they should just be friends in Emotion Sickness is plenty reason for Kim not to make the first move.  I personally didn’t like her enigmatic way of dragging Ron off to the prom, but I know they did that to keep Kim’s coolness and control instead of giving her any kind of softness, but that’s another topic. 

I personally don’t see her treating him badly in So the Drama.  Unless people think her spending less time with him is treating him badly, well...  That’s just life?  When a person gets a new significant other, especially when young, they spend all their time with that person.  And Kim is going to ‘girl talk’ about Eric with Monique, not Ron.  So...yeah.

As to the fics you speak of...  I’ve never read any, since I read 99% Drakgo and 1% other KP fics and I’m extremely picky.  I do know that I wouldn’t read a fic where she treats him poorly, that blames her, has her not believe Ron, or the other things you mentioned.  It would likely come across as out of character to me.  But people can write whatever they want...  It’s our choice what we read and don’t read.  Sorry my answer wasn’t longer, I hope this is some of what you wanted to know.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched (and books I read) this Week # 143 (Year 3/Week 39):

Jules, E.T. for senior citizens. A simple (and simplistic) story about 79-year-old Ben Kingsley (with a head full of hair) and early onset dementia who discovers an alien ship in his back yard. More of a character study that sci-fi. It's nice to see a light movie about old people. 4/10.

🍿

2 documentaries from a 'different' New Yorker list, Richard Brody's '62 Films That Shaped the Art of Documentary Filmmaking':

🍿 The Lenny Bruce Performance Film (1967), more of an interesting historic document, than a funny-ha-ha stand up of the iconic rabble-rouser. His next-to-last live performance, at a small San Francisco cabaret hall, consists mostly of readings from the legal transcripts of his prosecutions. Paranoiac ramblings, strung on drugs, intense. Born 30 years too early.

🍿 A Plate of Sardines, (1997) a short Syrian poem about Quneitra, a city at the Golan Heights that was razed to the ground by the Israeli army in 1974. Disturbing (but not a very good).

🍿

The last film I saw in Israel, Tel Aviv on fire, only my 3rd Palestinian movie. It's an implausible story about a soap opera of a Palestinian spy who falls in lave with an Israeli general. Filmed in Ramallah, it is popular with Arabs and Jews alike. A low-level production assistant on the set becomes a writer, and is forced to use input for the plot from a soldier who mans the checkpoint he must drive through every day. An intriguing premise which predictably ends as a light soap opera itself.

I had a hard time with the more realistic parts of the movie, showing the oppressive humiliations that the Arabs have to go through every day, as they live "side by side" with the occupying soldiers. It's the first film I've seen that takes part on the eastern side of the border wall.

🍿

(Completely unplanned) 2 With minor character actor Guy Boyd:

🍿I've seen all but one of Charlie Kaufman's eight features, but I can't say I'm a big fan. His 'mysterious', unexplainable I'm Thinking Of Ending Things didn't win me over. Creepy Jesse Plemons brings his new girlfriend to meet his bizarre parents at their secluded farmhouse, and "nothing is what it seems" there. I liked the enigmatic ballet and "revelations" at the end, but the 'snowstorm from hell' and intellectual, unsympathetic characters turned me off. 3/10.

(From a list of '96 Best Thrillers')

🍿Body double, one of the old Brian De Palma Hitchcock homages, felt like one of the worst movies I ever saw. I know it wasn't, but it felt like it. 80's gratuitous "voyeurism", trashy prurient porn-parody, with a young Bill Maher-clone who can't act as the protagonist. Just horrible. 1/10.

🍿

2 X London gangsters action from the early 2000:

🍿Snatch, my first crime comedy by Guy Ritchie. All macho and bravado, bad accents and testosterone-fueled attitudes, wise cracks and brutal mayhem.

"In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary… come again?" 8/10.

🍿"Listen, I know it’s not your thing, but if you ever have to kill someone, never ever tell a living soul."

Layer cake, another highly-quotable story from the same source, with the same people and the same sensibilities. The film that helped Daniel Craig land the role of James Bond. Terrific entertainment all around with a shocking last scene. 8/10.

RIP, Michael Gambon!

🍿

7 more shorts:

🍿 Shall we kiss? (On s’embresse?), one of my favourite French shorts. (Video Above).

🍿 How to count a wolf, a short conservation documentary, about the process of tracking wolves across many seasons in Washington state.

🍿 Encarnación, a New Yorker documentary: A Ninety-Five-Year-Old Shares Her Secret to Happiness.

🍿Also, 4 more of Wes Anderson shorts:

Now that Netflix spent £500 million for Roald Dahl's works, we'll see many more of them. The swan, The rat catcher and Poison are 3 adaptations from his short stories. I've seen nearly all of Wes Anderson's films, features, shorts and commercial, and he is indeed a real 'auteur', but (Like Kaufman above), his work, except of small brilliant moments here and there, leave me cold.

Castello Cavalcanti is actually my favourite of today’s bunch. Another stylish Prada advertisement, a Fellini product placement, rustic Italy for nostalgic tourists.

🍿

Alice Kuypers’ Life on the Refrigerator Door, a British book about a 15-year-old and her single mother who discovers she has cancer. It features a unique 'hook'; The story unfolds 100% via a series of notes the two leave for each other in the kitchen. It’s a very light, 240 page / 40 minute read - 7/10.

🍿  

(My complete movie list is here)

[inbarfink]

OOC Discourse is always a complicated topic, cause on one hand it IS reductive to go like... there ARE instances where the fans have a better grasp on a character than the actual canon writers do. Especially when you consider bigger creative projects with multiple writers, and especially especially the long-running ones where the original creators are basically uninvolved and everything ‘canon’ that’s being made right now is basically copyrighter-holders-approved-fanfiction. And even in the smaller-scale projects, sometimes the creator writes in something kinda OOC for the sake of pacing or plot or a stupid joke, or maybe they’re just not very good at it and they fucked up. There are cases where fan complaints about canon-material being ‘OOC’ is valid and should be considered.

But on the other hand, there are far too many fans who throw in the “OOC” claim when, like, canon just happens to contradict their favorite not-actually-textually-supported-headcanon, or contradict a version of the character that has kinda mutated through a fandom-wide game of Telephone. Or just like, refusing to engage with the idea that the character might contain more than the surface-level we were initially introduced to, or that people might react Differently in Different Situations, or that Character Development is a thing. And I feel like the folks who are complaining that the Deltarune “The Newest Girl Girl” blogpost is “OOC” for Kris, Susie and Noelle are really a case of the second thing?

Like, first things first, trying to authoritatively label anything Kris does as “OOC” is, in my humble opinion, aboslutely friggin’ clownshoes right now. Kris is the most enigmatic character in Deltarune’s main cast. Because we’re controlling them, we can only can only infer what they are like from the glimpses of their true personality and behavior slipping in through the cracks and from stories told to us by their friends and family. There’s a lot of cool interpetation and analysis work done by the Fandom about Kris’ personality from the little info we have and a lot of it is well-reasoned and well-argued-for but... 

When we get one of the first canon scenes descriptions featuring a (probably?) not posessed Kris, and their behavior in some way happens contradict your Kris Interpetation? I think the correct reaction is less “this so OOC” as much as “hmmm, maybe I need to reconsider some things in my personal interpetation of the characrter?” We’re still in the early stages of the process of assembling the puzzle pieces of Kris’ personality, this is not really the time where we can throw away pieces cause we think they won’t fit?

And Noelle, she felt very consistent with her character so far to me? We already know that freezing up during scary situations is a problem for her - her inability to actually stand up against jerks was, like, her whole character arc in the second chapter. Mostly the focus was about how folks kept overriding her desires and forcing her to do things, but there’s also an undercurrent to how it’s stopping her from meaningfully defending her friends. Espacially when you consider her dynamic with Berdly and his dynamic with Susie and Kris... Honestly, if she behaved better through that whole encounter that could have somewhat diminished the importance of her Big Moment in the climax of Chapter 2. 

And as for Susie.... Yeah, right now we all love and appreciate Susie as the most Wholesome Delta Warrior and the bestest friend of them all - but you remember what happened in Chapter 1, right? She did start out as a bully. She slammed Kris against a locker, threathened to eat their face, constantly insulted them and then spent a good chunk of the Chapter just beating up everyone and everything in the Dark World. These actions stand in contrast to the sweeter side that she shows later on in the game, but it doesn’t negate them or negate the idea that she might’ve done more stuff like that before.

I think you can argue that what Susie did in the blogpost is worse than what she did in Chapter 1, just in the sense that “your mother WILL abandon you and will be happier without you!” is crueler in a much more personal way than “I will eat your face”. But not really in the sense of “Susie would have NEVER said something like this!” as much as “what would prompt Susie to say something like that?” Was she going through a praticularly rough time after moving into Hometown, causing her to take out her own frustrations and insecurities on Kris much more than later on? Was this a spesifically Bad Day? Did... whatever Kris told her in reply really shook her emotionally that much? Did she end up regretting her words and deeds on some level and started mellowing out even before Chapter 1 start? There are a lot of interesting possibilities!

I guess that’s what frustrates me the most about a knee-jerk “OOC Writing” reaction for every time a character catches the fandom off-guard. A sort of refusal to really engage with the text and it’s implication for the characters before you just chuck the text in the grabage. I think this is very much supposed to be a ‘how far they’ve come’ sort of thingie, contrasting the characters as they existed in this blog pre-character development with the better-adujsted post-Dark World Adventure versions we experienced in the game. We’re supposed to to feel some sort of emotional vertigo from how Noelle, Susie and Kris interact here to how they interact by the end of Chapter 2 - but that’s not because of Bad Writing, just cause these kids are changing and growing!

[sapphichymns]

Maybe I’ve been thinking about this too much of the “fandom wank” (I refuse to call it discourse) surrounding if Yaz’s story is good rep or not. Which, in my honest opinion, it is. I relate to it. I know people who relate to it. Good representation is when you see yourself in a character’s situation.

Of course, it has become about how it isn’t good representation and it came out of nowhere. The first part, it goes back to what I said which I guess you can try and fight me about this. The second part is just... did it though? This isn’t about how the Doctor feels but how Yaz feels.

...She has been vocal about it too? I mean..

YASMIN: I know. I love my family, but they also drive me completely insane. I want more. More of the universe. More time with you. You're like the best person I've ever met.

- Arachnids in the UK

YASMIN: Yeah. Don't obsess on that. Think how the Doctor would do it. Swan in like she owns the place, big smiles, loads of chat, total confidence. We can do this.

- Spyfall Part 1

TAHIRA: That's impossible. Nobody can travel across the stars. YASMIN: Unless you're the Doctor. She's basically the definition of impossible. 

- Can You Hear Me

CLAIRE: I have. His answers only increase the enigma. YASMIN: I know someone like that. CLAIRE: Mary reproaches me. Insists I should find a more reliable prospect. Not that she can talk. YASMIN: Perhaps she's right. His eye does seem to wander. CLAIRE: This enigmatic person of yours, would you trade them for reliable and dull? YASMIN: My person's a bit different.

- The Haunting of Villa Diodati

GRAHAM: Happy New Year, Yaz. YASMIN: When was it New Year? RYAN: You been sleeping in here? YASMIN: Maybe. GRAHAM: Yaz, you can't keep being here all the time. The Doc, you know, she went to do something she knew might kill her. We've just got to assume she didn't make it.   YASMIN: Why? Why do we have to assume that? RYAN: Mate, we've been back ten months. We have to get on with our lives. That's what she told us. That's what she wanted for us. YASMIN: But what if she needs us? How many times has she saved us?

(...)

YASMIN: It felt cruel... to be shown something I couldn't have any more. Felt like, er, I'd rather not have known. I'd rather not have met her, cos having met her and then... being without her, that's worse. How do you deal with that?

- Revolution of the Daleks

And these are some of the things she said, not even talking about Flux as a whole (WWTDD, the whole hologram scene, etc) or even the numerous parallels that exist between them.

This just feels so annoying because its denying the importance of characters like Yaz can and should exist. Not every queer character has to be upfront about who they are (even in real life, we still have that right of choice).

Then there’s the idea of it being introduced too late into the story. Which is nuts because its still part of the Doctor’s and Yaz’s journey. It isn’t some footnote on some random lore book. Its happening as the main part of their character arcs.

This kind of “discussion” isn’t hurting creators like Chibnall, its hurting queer authors. The same kind of “discussion” happened with She-Ra and how Catradora happened in the last season. How it was too late when this was the story they wanted to tell (plus people thinking it was easy to reach that point too LOL).

At times, creators just like to take some time to reach a point and should not feel they have to justify every single choice to satisfy some kind of fandom wank that is only being used to get some cookie points for good behaviour (which I mean, talking over people who do relate and understand the characters’ struggles).

[cinemaseeker]

Let's Review: Lightyear

*THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS*

Guys, let's just be honest for a second.

This is essentially Toy Story 5, or maybe Toy Story 4 1/2, disguised as a kid-friendly version of The Martian.

Let me ask you all a question I always end up asking myself every time an unnecessary prequel or origin story comes out, especially a Disney-sanctioned one:

"Did I really want to know how (blank) became (blank)?"

Nine times out of ten, the answer is usually "No".

I feel like filmmakers and storytellers are forgetting that we don't always need to give every popular character an ultimately flimsy or shoe-horned origin story that inevitably ends up only ret-conning or diluting what we loved about that character to begin with. Part of the fun of universally beloved characters is that they are universal, which requires a form of vagueness and negative space that allows them to be left open to interpretation in order to appeal to as many different types of people from as many different backgrounds as possible.

Take the Joker for example.

The best iterations of that character either forgo an origin story altogether or create one that works with what we already know about the character, and then shows a (somewhat) straightforward trajectory of how he become the killer clown we all know and love today, i.e. The Killing Joke.

These types of characters, surrounded by this enigmatic air of mystery, are usually the most memorable and fascinating to us specifically because we don't know their origin story, and it allows us to fill in the blanks for ourselves and make the character feel like our own. By relinquishing this kind of creative control over to the viewer/reader, filmmakers and storytellers can relieve themselves of a tremendous narrative burden while helping their characters last longer in the collective minds of our popular culture.

So in a sense, a good origin story is not unlike a good plot twist.

Both work best when they answer questions and fill in gaps. And both fail when they leave us feeling more confused and poke more holes in the plot, thus ultimately sinking it.

If you want to read more, there is a great article that relates to this debate, especially when it comes to origin stories that try to make iconic female villains likable (ew) and sympathetic (double ew), and I highly recommend giving it a read:

Now don't get me wrong, this doesn't always mean that I don't enjoy origin stories. An origin story, like any other story, can be good when it is done right (just look at The Godfather Part II) especially when the creators approach the project with care and passion.

But oftentimes these origin stories are used by big corporate studios so that they can squeeze every last drop of profitability out of a character and their franchise, especially if it's a flagship figure from which the entire foundation of the studio was built upon. For example, New Line Cinema is known as the House that Freddy Built due to the success of Freddy Krueger in the original A Nightmare on Elm Street movie, which help launched the then-fledgling studio, not to mention countless sequels and spin-offs. But over time Freddy Krueger became more of a mascot than a threat with each entry, not unlike Buzz Lightyear for Pixar.

The character of Buzz Lightyear is kept largely intact here, thanks in large part to an earnest and believable performance by Captain America himself Chris Evans. And before you say anything: no, Tim Allen does not voice Buzz Lightyear here, and I for one think that's for the best. It'd be too distracting and it helps the movie try to stand on its own, except for when we have to slog through all the obligatory Toy Story callback shots, recycled lines, and every they-did-the-thing moment, and Lord knows there are plenty of those here. But here's the problem: leave them in, it's too faithful to the original to the point that it's basically copying and pasting; but if you leave them out, then it doesn't feel like part of the franchise, so why bother having the name on it at all. Either way, we lose.

But anyway, the change of voice could confuse younger kids so keep that in mind. During the screening I went to, a child insisted that this guy was not the real Buzz Lightyear.

But here's my biggest gripe with the movie.

The opening text of Lightyear declares that this movie we're about to see is the same movie Andy saw back in 1995, his favorite movie that inspired the Buzz Lightyear toy from Toy Story.

On the one hand, this disclaimer is a good way to get away with including kid-friendly sci-fi elements such as robot cats (I would live AND die for Sox), time travel, and alien lifeforms in an otherwise realistic-looking space movie.

But, excuse me for a second, I have to call bullshit here.

Do y'all remember what humans looked like in the Toy Story world back in 1995?

Yeah. Pure nightmare fuel with soulless soul-sucking eyes.

Now, in an incredible feat of gaslighting, this movie expects us to believe that THIS:

came out at the same time as THIS:

Lightyear is clearly a 2022 movie, with 2022 visuals and 2022 values, but it's trying to pass itself off as a 1995 movie and in that sense it fails miserably, aside from a few clever 90s-era callbacks (blowing on the navigation assistant IVAN like its a N64 cartridge and the computer boot-up sound). But this "framing device" (it's really more like a disclaimer) is ultimately a flimsy hall pass used to justify this movie's existence.

If they really wanted this setup to work, then they should've either fully committed to the 1995-ness of it all (stylizing the animation to fit the era like what Turning Red did for the early 00s, thereby matching the aesthetic and zeitgeist more earnestly) or make it a proper 2022 movie that could claim to be based off an astronaut who could've served as the basis for the Buzz Lightyear toy in that universe in the same way that Buzz Lightyear is based on (or at least named after) the real-life Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin.

It feels like Pixar is trying to have their cake and eat it too by trying to give us the nostalgia of 1995 but without losing the advantage of being relevant, whatever that means.

But I would like to point out that Disney has already made a vastly superior Buzz Lightyear spin-off that is truer to the essence of the character and their world in the form of both the direct-to-video movie Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventures Begins (2000) and the criminally underrated Saturday morning cartoon TV show Buzz Lightyear of Star Command (2000-2001). They both match the spirit and tone of the Toy Story universe and serve as a much better spin-off than Lightyear, with funnier jokes and more unforgettable characters. Hopefully Lightyear can help turn people onto this show (please put it on Disney+, you cowards).

Quick side bar: I used to be OBSESSED with this show, like getting-up-at-ungodly-hours-to-watch-this-show-before-the-existence-of-YouTube level obsessed, especially with NOS-4-A2 the energy vampire, voiced by Craig Ferguson. Yes. THAT Craig Ferguson. BLOSC had a whole slew of awesome celebrity voices, including Patrick Warburton as Buzz Lightyear. PLEASE check it out and give it the love it deserves.

P.S. This NOS-4-A2 came out 13 years before the Joe Hill novel NOS4A2 and 19 years before the AMC series adaptation. Just saying. The people need to know.

OK, I need to stop, otherwise I will geek out and never stop.

So with all that said, the question you'll probably be wanting me to answer now is: "Should I see Lightyear?"

My answer, perhaps surprisingly, is "Yes."

Because even though Lightyear may go down in the history books as being lower-tier Pixar, that level is still above most other animation studios at their best. It's quite a feat for a studio that even their less-than-stellar offerings are still oftentimes better than most other animated movies out there (for the most part).

Okay, so what's the good stuff?

The first thing that comes to mind is, naturally, the top-notch animation. It's nice to see Pixar take this approach to character design, steering away from the typical disproportionately big eyes we're used to seeing in Disney movies, trying to make the humans more like real people while still giving them plenty of expression. And in all seriousness, there are some beautiful shots to be found in Lightyear, not just photorealistic but beautifully lit shots of space and sunsets (there's even a cool 2001: A Space Odyssey-style stargate because of course there is). I don't know if an animated movie can even get nominated for Best Cinematography, but I would sure love to see them try. And with computer animation getting more and more realistic every year, I suspect it's only a matter of time before that feat is accomplished.

And, rest assured, there will be plenty of Pixar moments that will make you, if not outright cry, then at the very least get teary-eyed. This is seen most effectively when *MAJOR SPOILER COMING UP* Buzz finds out that every trip he takes to try and get home results in him losing 4 years, during which time his friend and fellow Space Ranger Alisha Hawthorne (Uzo Aduba) continues to age, so every time he sees her she's either getting engaged or getting pregnant or watching her child graduate and essentially living her life without him, up until she dies of old age while he's away, and he doesn't even get to give her a proper goodbye in person. Now THAT's good storytelling. This sequence is expertly handled with tender loving care and really hits you in the feels (okay it's not quite as good as the first 10 minutes of Up, but come on, very few things are).

But most importantly, we get to see this unfold with a canonically queer woman of color in STEM.

In that sense, Lightyear takes one small step forward in term of mainstream queer representation, a step that's still not big enough to get very far but one that is definitely bigger than previous steps taken before it (I'm looking at you, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness). We get to see a major supporting character, Alisha Hawthorne, marry an Asian woman named Kiko, have a family with her, live a long and happy life, and even share an onscreen kiss with her wife that we actually get to see. It's sad that we still have to get excited over crumbs like this, but hey, suck it homophobes, love wins.

You could argue that Alisha becomes a fridged character whose only purpose was to serve a white man's story, a white man who gets to lead an otherwise pretty diverse cast, as if to say "don't worry, white guys, you still get to be the hero." But I would argue that Alisha is given enough of a likable personality and life outside of Buzz, albeit still viewed through Buzz's perspective, to avoid making her a background token black sidekick. If you were to take Alisha out of the story, the movie would be radically different.

The rest of the supporting cast is not exactly ground-breaking but they do get enough character development to help them avoid being totally forgettable, at least for a little while. I especially love the detail of Izzy, Alisha's granddaughter (voiced by my girl, rising star Keke Palmer), being a Space Ranger who's afraid of the vast vacuum of space (girl, I feel you). She also does a great job of underscoring the main theme of learning to embrace mistakes, especially our own mistakes (man, that message really hit me where I live). Finally, as far as villains go, this Zurg gets the job done, but the reveal of who's really behind Zurg is just too good to spoil here. Or, at least, I didn't see it coming.

But I think it's very telling that the best character in the movie is a robotic cat.

I'm just saying.

This is why we can't decide whether or not animated movies are for children or adults. You put a realistic-looking guy into space and give him a life-or-death mission in a story that most younger kids won't be able to follow, but we still need some sort of adorable (preferably animal) sidekick that we can turn into plushies and Happy Meal toys.

But, again, I would live and die for Sox.

The worst thing you can say about Lightyear is that it's a standard animated movie, one that I'm not even sure will properly entertain really young kids, unless they REALLY love Buzz Lightyear, but I think even that would be pushing it. But if you have an older kid or preteen who likes Buzz Lightyear and science, preferably a young girl of color looking for role models in STEM, then this could fit the bill. I bet that this would be a great movie to screen for science camps or middle school science classes.

Lightyear shows how, even if computer animation has come so far, dare I say, lightyears ahead of what came before, good Pixar-quality storytelling can get lost in space if it's not tethered to a strong enough base.

Now all we need is a gritty western spin-off starring Woody and then I'll be happy.

This is Cinema Seeker, signing off.

Thanks for reading!

My Rating: 2.5/5 meat-bread-meat sandwiches

P.S. There is a mid- and post-credits scene, so be sure to stick around for that if you're interested.

And for all you name nerds and prospective parents looking for cool baby names, here's a complete list of the Production Babies, listed in the credits as Future Space Rangers:

Ame, Anaïs, Anthony, Clara, Cora, Dean, Devon, Elan, Emmeline, Evren, Henry, Izumi, Jade, Luca, Mabel, Maggie, Mari, Matias, Mia, Mikayla, Otto, Rami, Sean, Simon, William, Zi-Ran

[lordbhreanna]

Rage of Bahamut ramblings

I said I’d dump my thoughts on Rage of Bahamut: Virgin Soul (that’s a mouthful) sometime, and though I barely have the mental capacity right now to put two words together, I need to rant. So it’s bullet point time about an obscure 2017 anime series (based on a random mobile game card I think??) to list all the reasons you, like me, might have overlooked this show at first glance but could actually love it if you knew what’s actually about.

AND IT’S A FAIRYTALESQUE LOVE STORY BETWEEN ENEMIES.

— First things first: I know there’s a season 1 called Genesis. Did not watch it, and I’m not particularly interested in doing so because, from what I’ve seen, they’re quite different. Watching Genesis isn’t needed to enjoy Virgin Soul since both seasons are standalone despite sharing characters (and Nina or Charioce are not one of those). I came to Bahasoul for the romance, and that’s where I’m staying. I understood everything that matters from Genesis from what they explain, and Favaro gives me the impression of working best as a mentor character.

— Ok, now, what is the pitch for this? On the outside it looks like a generic fantasy adventure story. But in reality it’s a fairy tale romance with enemies to lovers where a dragon shapeshifter heroine and an evil ruthless king (who deep down has a noble goal and a softer side) fall in love. Also the king has kind of a curse too, and he’s saved by the heroine. Sprinkle some soulmates' vibes as well. It’s never explicitly said, but it’s there between the lines from the first moment they touch hands.

— The romance is NOT a subplot, it’s central to the main story. 

— There’s a variety of characters, and most are quite good and I enjoyed them a lot! But Nina is front and center the main protagonist, she’s the lens through which we experience everything, so her story with Charioce is integral and a main source of internal conflict and events.

— And Nina is an amazing main character, compassionate and kind but also protective and fiery and with a feisty side sometimes. She’s not just a cheerful, carefree heroine. The show goes beyond that and explores her character in detail, her struggles, her pain. She’s extremely relatable and you connect with her a lot.

— Charioce works perfectly as both the charismatic and enigmatic villain with hidden motives, and as Nina’s love interest. The romance works so well because, despite their differences, they’re treated as equals and both find something that was missing inside them through the other.

Now to the more spoilery stuff, though I don’t go into any plot details.

— The whole Nina turning into a violent killer dragon when she gets nervous around handsome men is a hilarious narrative device to explore a common type of teenage girl experience with hormones bursting. But damn it works SO DAMN WELL 😂 Teenage girls are ridiculed for many things, one of them being horny, and in Bahasoul that’s turned into a killer dragon in red that feels dangerous to everyone and Nina herself when she can't control it, but it eventually transforms into a source of good and positive. It’s a coming of age story about her learning to harness her power, too, and she does it through her relationship with Charioce.

— One thing I love is how Charioce reacts to Nina’s power. He’s stunned when she wins him at arm wrestling but I 100% believe that’s the moment he fell in love. Then he looks at her in amazement when she transforms into a dragon.

— Dragon Nina and Charioce have such beautiful interactions. Period.

— Also when he removes his gauntlet before touching her in dragon form??? I love it even more because it’s when she IS a dragon. Such a contrast between the fearsome nature of the creature and the gentleness of the gesture. I love that they put the effort of animating it. Chef kisses.

— Dance is established as a way of communication between the two from the first time, and it feels so fitting given their situation at the ending :___ *clutches heart*

— In general, I’d say it’s a very “tangible” romance (don’t know if that even makes sense in English), because it starts with them touching hands, and they have physical contact constantly. Again, given the ending with him blind and she being mute, it gives wings to the idea of touch being how they communicate.

— I was also very happy the show took its time with Nina being conflicted about her feelings when she discovers the truth about who Chris is. But she’s never punished by it, not even when she speaks with Jeanne or Favaro.

— It’s not just that she doesn’t get punished for it… She goes out there to save the king, lifts the curse (aka the bracelet turning into dust means him not dying like the Onyx soldiers) and takes her prize at the end!! He’s her prize! She deserves it and she fought for it!! Was it that difficult, Lucasfilm?

— Love me the angst too, like when the Onyx captain guy keeps threatening the red dragon and Charioce’s eye twitches and he has to go along, and of course then he resorts to “no I was lying I didn’t care about you that much and we’re not seeing each other even again” at the ball scene, to keep Nina away.

— THE BALL SCENE. First I love the whole idea undercover infiltration at parties. But you also have all these girls waiting for the king to invite them to dance, and Nina fucking Drango says “bitch I’m gonna make him drag his ass off that throne” and goes there and extends her hand for him like a boss, not waiting to be invited but taking matters into her own hands. I love her.

— First dance is like the one in Titanic (they even have similar shots!!) and it’s vibrant and lively, then the second one is more Disney and/or regal (and Charioce never smiles here, because it’s right before bad stuff happens), and the last dance is so full of intimacy and love and the music goes full romantic fairy tale ending :____

— Charioce riding dragon Nina as she flies them over the city, and he’s crying happy tears while doing it 🥺

— When Nina is being judged and she yells at him (not knowing still that he’s Chris) that everyone might be afraid of him, BUT SHE’S NOT. God I love those scenes. Same when she’s hellbent on stopping him, even if face to face she can’t harm him. It also speaks volumes that Charioce never tries to hurt her there - and she could have ended all his plans. Everything he’s worked for.

— Also the cave scene where he’s like “I HAD A PLAN AND I WAS COMMITTED TO IT AND NOW YOU CAME ALONG AND MAKE ME DOUBT”. More more delicious chef kisses. Love one asshole man who goes soft for 1 person and gets ANGRY about it. 

— Did I mention it has a fairy tale vibe in so many of their scenes, and they are full of romantic undertones everywhere? The animation in the dances, the body language, the music.

— Also this scene:

From gremlin

To soft:

— Overall it’s a nice fantasy anime and the plot works for what it is, serviceable in a good way, because the meat is in the characters. Not just Nina or Charioce. I liked most of them, especially Jeanne, Rita, and Azazel, or Sofiel too. But what truly hooked me was Nina and Charioce, and their romance (which is what I came for after someone recced it over twitter as “actual enemies to lovers”, thank you from the bottom of my heart).

— I was just gonna mention that the show actually has many different kinds of female characters and I'd say they all pretty well-written. Good time to point out that I found out the screenwriter for the whole show was a woman 💅

— The first OP has stunning artstyle.

And I love the Cinderella AU from the second ED, because Nina transforms into a dragon and you can see her being super shy but Charioce loves her dragon girlfriend ❤️ The second OP is also full of Nina/Chris. I feel so well fed by this show.

— The only thing I disliked was the post-credit scene in the last episode. I know it’s there because this is part of a franchise so they wanted to make sure there was something left for a hypothetical S3 (I don’t even know if there’s one?) and they threw that as a hook, but it kind of lessens Charioce’s actions and Nina’s too. The good thing is that it’s easily ignored and separate from the whole show. So you can do like me and pretend it's not even there.

— And now I’m off to read the scarce 16 or so fics on AO3 (because getting into rareships and/or minor or mostly dead fandoms is my super power) and drawing some fanart 😌

[manmankai]

The Scents of the Mankai Company Troupes - Part 3

Autumn Troupe (Act 1 Only)

Banri Settsu Floriental by Comme Des Garcons

Banri would say it himself: he's practically perfect. He can do no wrong. He's good at everything. So what does a dude who's good at everything smell like, besides the obvious description of "really good"? That's a tough one and I won't lie - the pressure to nail Banri's scent like he nails absolutely everything is high. I chose Floriental by Comme Des Garcons for a few reasons: 1) it's unisex and I think Banri enjoys queering gender. He wears traditionally feminine and masculine clothes together. He'll get in a fist fight wearing pink leopard print. A scent that says, "Gender means nothing to me" just... makes sense. 2) it's expensive, and we all know that Banri has some pricey taste. His prime shopping partner is resident richboy Tenma, after all. and 3) it smells damn good. A little woody, a little smoky, a little fruity - and lets be real, Banri is a little fruity. Comme Des Garcons describes the scent as "enigmatic, contrasted, intense." Absolutely. Sold. I'm convinced.

Juza Hyodo Motor Oil + a Faint Hint of Chocolate

Juza is many things, but first and foremost, he is a sugar junkie. He loves candy, cakes, chocolate - you name it. The guy's got two modes: about to eat sweets or has just eaten sweets. I think that getting close to Juza would mean getting a whiff of chocolatey goodness. There would be something else, though, too. Being the motorcyclist he is, I'm of the opinion that he would also often smell like motor oil. He's out there fine tuning his ride and getting his hands dirty. He's gonna smell like his trusty steel horse. That might sound bad, but I think it actually would suit him quite nicely. Very rugged, much like Juza's appearance. You'd meet him and get that biker vibe, but then when you got closer, the sweet, gooey chocolate center would reveal itself.

Taichi Nanao BOD: Most Wanted

Oh, Taichi. Baby boy. You want girls so bad, and all the BOD commercials say that this is the key to make them want you back. But taking that spray bottle (yes, it literally comes in a spray bottle) to your body will not do what you think it will! BOD: Most Wanted is described as having "hints of fresh citrus and herbs" mixed with "smoldering woods and bold marine scents to create a full, aromatic fragrance." That sounds lovely, actually. The issue is the sheer excess with which we know our resident ADHD king applies it. No impulse control, we die like we live. Y'all thought Kazunari would be an Axe-Over-Applier? He ain't got nothin' on Taichi and his BOD. We love him anyway.

Omi Fushimi Whatever Delicious Meal He Just Cooked Up + Soap

Omi is the mother hen of the house and, by far, the best chef. You can hardly read an A3! story without a character remarking on Omi's food. I believe wholeheartedly that this means Omi smells delicious and edible all the time. Savory or sweet? That depends on what he's been cooking. Maybe tonight after dinner he smells like the umami aroma of the incredible ramen he made. Maybe in the morning he's gonna smell like those melt-in-your-mouth cinnamon rolls he made for breakfast because they're your favorite. The man lives and breathes cooking. When he's not giving Dinner Time Seduction, he probably smells fresh and clean like the dish soap he just used to wash all the dishes right after your meal together. (He is the picture of domesticity and an icon. Martha Stewart, eat your heart out.)

Sakyo Furuichi Like a fuckin' man

Sakyo is a reserved kind of guy. He cares about his appearance, but he isn't one to preen. He's tough. He holds back his feelings. He yearns. He's very sexy. I digress. I can't picture him waking up in the morning and dabbing on cologne. That'd be too much. His deodorant would be understated and practical, but masculine. Subtle, woodsy scents, clean cotton. You ever hug that guy and he's probably gonna smell like freshly laundered pine wood somehow. He may also smell faintly of leather, despite not wearing any. And is that... gunpowder you smell? Huh... Guess that's just what it's like when you smell like a badass. ;) (please note that "man" and what that smells like is entirely subjective and I'm approaching this from the stereotypical lens of how we gender scents. if sakyo smells like a man, then he smells like whatever that means to you <3)

Want more Mankai smells? Check these out!

[blue-pastel-cat]

Xiaobedo Fanfic Recommendation

Welcome to my personal “if you are new to xiaobedo peeps please read these” list. As said before this is my personal list so please feel free to reblog/comment/hit me for not including any gem here. I might miss a lot of them because I am drunk or blind. (mostly have them on my to read and then forgot as I am being assault by real life shit).

I would like to say first that so far there are 150+ Xiaobedo fics on Ao3. I can’t review all of them but I can say that I have read a majority of them. Most of them are just pure love and I would like nothing more than a thousands thank you for all the fic writers who spent their free time writting these gems for us to read for free. But these...these takes the cake as it finds a special landing spot in my heart that I would just thrust them into someone’s hand if they say “I am new to this ship can you recommend me?”

1. Orange dust by bobamilkteas (Wes)

In which Xiao learns to open himself up to the world a little more after the collapse of Rex lapis's contracts but it was not always easy for a soul doomed to eternal damnation. Meanwhile, Albedo liked to tempt fate where the extraordinary are concerned.

If only the traveler's comrades are made of saner bunch.

Comment: Long ago when I like both Albedo and Xiao as a character, I was wondering hmmm....will anyone actually even write about them lmao they never met each other. I am surprise to see this one as the 3rd fic in the whole 3 Xiaobedo fic on Ao3 (yeah back when there’s literally only 3 fic for this couple). I was like I’ll read it for the curiosity, I’ll probably won’t ship them. And that people is how I put my clown make up on my face upon finishing reading it. This ONE fic alone convert me into a devotee of Xiaobedo. Please consider joining me in this circus if you want to know what is Xiaobedo. I would put this as the first of my “Big 3″

Orange Dust also come with its compliation of short stories over the course of the game and a big sequel to it. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

2. Solar Wind by birdpriestess (Sparrow)

For the yaksha, his duty was his life, and his life was his duty. No human could ever hope to understand the eternal war he fought out of sight and in silence.

So why, then, did he feel that Albedo would understand?

---

Finding himself at death's door once more, Xiao is saved by a surprising person, setting off the unlikeliest of adventures.

Comment: Do you like crying? Do you like the feeling of getting your heart ripped into pieces as the author destroy your emotions over the end of each chapter as the story picked up the climax? Yeah, this one is for you masochists. The action, the characterisation, the drama THE EMOTIONS OH WOW. I kid you not that it was so good I read this while workinng when I am not suppose to me. Also, this fic has my favourite characterisation of Gold ever. I love that dramatic queen Mad Alchemist. AND DAIN. I LOVE DAIN IN THIS FIC. Our dearest Sparrow manage to toy with our feelings like how I bully ruin guard for big numbers lmao. This is the secound of “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list.

Again, just like Orange Dust, Solar Wind comes with its own compliation of short stories of what came after that. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

3. Castle of Glass by AlchemicalStardust (Morgie) 

A black shadow rises over Huaguang Stone Forest. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, Albedo flees the shaking ground and the crash of boulders tumbling form the sky. As the dust settles, Albedo finds a young man – an Adeptus – amidst the carnage. Despite the karmic agony ripping his body from the inside, Xiao’s only question is “How?” How did a human survive after witnessing his battle?

Comment: The last of the “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list. And it is still on going! Castle of Glass? More like I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS! Have you read a fic about 2 people yearning, longing, reaching out for each other so damn well that you just want to throw your phone in the air as they both had their impending doom coming down upon them? Yeah this is one of them. You will like want to be stuck in the moment they express how much they just yearn for each other’s love and care that you want to shake the author for what comes next. Like...everytime Morgie update I am expressing my gratitude at the end of the chapter by writing on Xiaobedo discord “MORGIE COME HERE AND LET ME BONK YOU WHY ARE YOU ENDING IT THERE”

trust me when you read you will def feel the same. With just Big 3 and their compliation alone that would give you like a LONG list of reading already LMAOOOOOOO

4. Find a place to call it home  by yamajiroo 

Our room, he said. Xiao’s brow twitches. Zhongli never said anything about this. But then again, perhaps he should anticipate this from the beginning...

Xiao looks over at Albedo, who is now tilting his head, his look as innocent as ever.

“Are you not okay with sharing a room?”

Comment: College AU for Xiaobedo! One thing that I love this is the slow burn and what made me LOVE LOVE LOVE this fic more is how cute Klee is in this fic. Their relationship in this one is very simple, but that simplicity highlight why their chemistry work. Xiao is someone who was just very gentle, who was largely misunderstood by his lonesome nature. Albedo was someone who like peace and quite in his introvert bubble. And how they respect that bubble that each other has actually made their relationship work. I love it when fic highlight this and this one captures it.

5. I Can't See Your Face From the Other Side of the Classroom by MissWeaver  

When Albedo and Xiao unexpectedly start eating lunch together, they begin to find that they have more in common than anyone would have realized. They both struggle in their own ways with blossoming feelings, too many assignments, and annoying classmates as they navigate a relationship for the first time.

Comment: I’ll be honest, I usually hate high school au just because its so cliche. I don’t even watch and drama/anime surrounds high school student anymore LMAOOO (unless it’s very good). So if there’s an high school AU that I actually keep come back and read after a couple of chapters, it means that the cliche that I hate wasn’t there or barely was there at all. The pinning in this fic makes me want to bang their head together sometimes LMAOOO The tag wasn’t kidding when they said both Xiao and Albedo are bad at feelings. Also that’s a lot of heart broken caused by these two idiots XD

6. new world, same me, same bullshit  by  bobamilkteas (Wes)

At the belly of Dragonspine, Albedo lost control to the festering corruption that permeated his senses and watched, from the recesses of his mind, as his devoured body turned his allies into enemies. Before his rampage reached its climax, he is sealed in a crystalized confinement by the last hand of Reindottir, where he then reawakens centuries after, in a rebooted Teyvat.

Comment: Yeah I know it was list in Orange Dust but here me out. This sets out in an entirely different universe. And if you like Polyamory, this one has Zhongli joining the duo and I love it because I also love ZhongXiao with my life. Time Travel is my biggest kink. Especially when I am the person who love it when people explore Archon War era/ Alatus!Xiao. So this one hits double of my kink. Of course it is still on going and I will bully Wes whenever I can to see that new chapter. Albedo is a total fucking badass in this story and I completely agree from using him in Abyss so often. Everyone should write badass Albedo.

7. misplaced heart of mine by  inkburn           

“If you are ill, then you should be resting at home. In Mondstadt.” He emphasized Mondstadt with a pointed look in his direction.

“I assure you I won’t be troublesome, Adeptus Xiao,” Albedo said, “You’ll find I’m a rather low-maintenance traveler.”

“Travel,” Xiao scoffed, “without airstep?”

Albedo looked him up and down. “Are your legs just for decoration?”

(albedo is sent to liyue on mandatory vacation. xiao is his unfortunate bodyguard.)

Comment: Most of the time you will see Albedo and Xiao starting their relationship with one of them taking interest in another. But this one took another approach, they starting off by make them hating each other’s guts LMAOOOO and I live for every second of it. There’s only 1 chapter so far but wow it was SOOO GOOD. I am really really excited for next chapter and is waiting patiently ;w;

8.  Blossom of Grace  by birdpriestess  

One day in Liyue Harbor, Albedo watches a street performance by an enigmatic dancer named Xiao. And he becomes completely obsessed.

Comment: Have you ever look at Xiao fight and thinking that he’s one of the most beautiful deadly thing ever? How it was like he was dancing around the battlefield? How about actual dancer Xiao being so absolutely beautiful and perfect and that slow burn of Albedo falling in love with that beauty with a touch of Modern AU and cute Ganyu as the Wing woman. Yes, Sparrow delivers yet again another beautiful slow burn and while it’s still ongoing it is worth the read.

9. i think we could make this work (could get used to this) by outspaced               

“Xiao? What are you doing out here?”

“I—”

“It’s raining,” Albedo says, as if it isn’t obvious. “You could get struck by lightning.”

“What are you doing out here then?” Xiao does the only thing he knows how to do, he challenges Albedo. “It’s raining.”

Albedo just hums. “If I get struck by lightning, it’s for science.”

Comment: A short one-shot where I read the summary and went “This is it... this is their relationship.” I am sold immediately. Oh god Albedo why are you like this.

10. Ephemeral by criedprinz        

“It’s not for your investigation, is it?” Aether asked mildly.

Albedo traced a finger around the sketchbook, considering the question. “No,” he admitted finally. “I... I just want to see them again.”

He opened the sketchbook to reveal the drawing he’d just finished. Aether nodded, clearly recognizing the sharp golden eyes.

“Xiao,” he said. “You were rescued by an adeptus.”

When a visit to Dragonspine goes horribly wrong, Albedo is rescued by an unknown stranger, wielding powers he's never heard of. Led on a search to find out who it is, he finds himself in the middle of an unforgettable encounter..

Comment: A really really well written one-shot that I love. The yearning oh godddd the yearning from Albedo side is just so so much that I have to put it here. (I think you can see the trend here lmao. I am a sucker for yearning). And the moment they get to meet each other again is just chef kiss. MWHAA

11. Idle Yaksha, Brilliant Yaksha by Pit0fTheEarth

Alatus didn’t have a lot of responsibilities to keep. He spent most of his days dancing across the sky and eating away all nightmares that plagued a person’s sleep.

But one fortunate encounter led to too many unfortunate ones, taking his carefree existence and plunging it in darkness. His wings, stripped from him. His gentle touch, replaced by an unforgiving grip of destruction.

There was a lot of blood on his hands. With each passing moment, it became harder for Alatus to recall the last time someone gently held him.

Comment: This is one of the ongoing fic where I am very very much excited on the take of Naberius. And the way the author portray Xiao when he’s still the innocent Alatus is just *clench fist*. Baby ;w; Baby why do you have to lose all that innocence. Also the fic has long LONG flashback to Xiao past and his relationship with Naberius. We are unwielding more what happened to both of them and why perhaps does this have to do with Albedo.

That’s it for now, might add more later! Thank you <3

[nenithil]

About Hans and Shadis, and their insight on humanity(1)

Hans is often regarded as too pure and naive, or doesn't that understand human nature(comparing to Erwin or Armin), has unrealistic illusions about human beings and over-idealized.She even rejects selfish desires, this impression particularly comes from C71, when she scolded Shadis: To give up the individual and dedicate the heart to the public, it's like that,isn't it?

It's a very powerful scene. At first glance, I also feel a kind of frightening moral cleanliness from their words, but combined with other plots, I don't think so.

On the contrary, I began to think that her eyesight and response to people's mind are very sharp. She has usually appeared very joyful, it's not because she is naive or only looked at the good aspects of the world, or really had a very happy life,but because she focused on objective work and generally would not be distracted from those kinds of nonsense.

There are many descriptions of this kind of things in smartpass. For example: In  "crimes inside the wall", Levi mentioned that the Survey Corps often cooperates with some members from aristocracy in gray areas for financial needs: "There are not a few rich men who make use of criminals... For example, smuggling or assassinating opponents in trade. They are too professional to be tracked. Even if they are unluckily caught, they could just deny that they knew it. Before, there are some just  soldiers who tracked them down. Finally, they found that the behind the scenes was actually the sponsor of the corps. Similar events emerge one after another." Eren was very angry when he heard this, which made Levi even wonder if he said too much to youngsters. He went back to discuss it with Hans. Hans replied: "If it's something you will know sooner or later, it doesn't matter whenever you say it." "Teaching new people what's reality is an important task for senior superiors! I don't think you did anything wrong, Levi."

And in smartpass about Eren: When she first met ERen, she performed  psychological investigations on Eren, asked him about his dreams and made some comments, which showed that she at least knew psychology well. She even said to Eren: "Apart from the fact that you can shift into a titan, you seem to be an ordinary kid,  Eren." "I mean, at least, I don't feel some violent nature from you, like what they discussed in the court." It doesn't really matter whether Eren is an ordinary child, but Hans's words could greatly comfort Eren, who was regarded as a monster, anxious and self doubted at that time. What she said would make him feel closer to the Corps.  She made her comments on him on practical purposes, not to show her judgment.

This reminds me of her comfort to Mikasa in the Manga during "midnight sun". In order to prevent Mikasa from snatching injection,  she expressed her understanding and closeness to Mikasa's pain and told her, "but we have to move forward".

she accurately saw that Mikasa was not really that kind of people who only cared about the life of her own friends, totally disregarding for the lives of others,but was just unwilling to let it go for the moment. So she chose comfort rather than admonishment.

She don't need much cover up with her words, but always enter the truest part of the heart.

We can imagine  what will happen,if she criticized Mikasa for "only caring for personal desires and ignoring the interest of public"and asked Mikasa to" give up her personal feelings and devote yourself to mankind ",as any critics did in some forum. She can stop Mikasa  not only because of her kindness but also her wisdom.

In smartpass:Shelter from the Rain ：Hange&Jean，she also showed her interest and understand of 104: "At present, people who can make calm judgments are very valuable." Hange said this because she had come into contact with the "power" of Jean's contemporaries,and she knew that they could not be controlled merely by giving orders as a superior. "Armin is smart, and he's always been self-abase about his lack of strength... I think we have to get him on our side..."

There are a lot of details like this in smartpass. Even for Erwin, who is generally considered the most enigmatic, Hange offered a rather unique perspective in his  personal interview:

Hange： Charismatic, unshakeable faith, he would not mind sacrificing himself or others for the goal…well, he tries to maintain that kind of outer appearance. Hange: He might not be too happy if I say too much out loud. What I told you just now, it might be something that he shows to the public…however, even if you were to peel off that appearance, you still wouldn’t be able to see his true personality. That’s my personal opinion about it. H: Even so, he is someone that we can trust. If we leave the situation to Erwin he will evaluate it, and we therefore rely on the commander. If he wasn’t trustworthy, he would have been stabbed in the back. This is not something that is only limited to a commander though.

She haven't idealized Erwin so much, but regarded his appearance as  "shows to the public,"  she confessed her doubts about his true personality and haven't even overestimated his morality,or selflessness, as Levi did. She just said pragmatically that if he would make the right decisions, I would trust him

In her own interview, she said: Erwin’s active support of my research has been very helpful. And I’ve heard that he also has doubts about how this world was formed?

She thanked Erwin for his support and then without further comment, but she clearly caught the core desire of Erwin: doubts about how this world was formed

If regardless of smartpass, she also showed her sharpness towards humanity many times in the manga: C52 her threat to Sannes:

She accurately summarized the reasons that ordinary people would use to make excuses for doing evil.

This is also why she can quickly come up with a ferocious plan to deceive Sannes into confession. She knows their kind well

Similarly, in C60, when facing journalists who wrote false news and slandered their dead subordinates, she also showed tolerance for weakness of human, and performed her skill of getting closer to others.

She may have succeeded in persuading Fregel,who would rather live a miserable life, in similar way (the manga doesn't describe it in detail, and I doubt even Isayama doesn't know how to write.

She is regarded as an "over idealistic" commander, but she still said such words:

Her words have described Hizuru's intention to monopolize resources, which can only be inferred by herself. At the same time, she also speculated that countries regard eldia as a scapegoat to maintain their domestic unity. It shows that she has basic insight and understanding of politics. Particularly, if compared with Armin:

... well, I don't know why Isym wrote like this. Armin is  not like a naive kid to ask suchquestions. I regard it as a simple emotional vent. Here I can even understand why Eren showed such a disdainful face,Lmao

Hans obviously won't believe Mikasa's words, which are indeed too simple, but their kindness did give Hans some strength, or positive feelings, making her focus on what she can do - surveying and understanding the world, striving for friendship with others, rather than what can't be changed- all countries are selfish, they deceive citizens and don't mind doing harm to others in order to maintain their "rule".

PS: the plots that I like most about Mikasa in manga almost are with Hans. I'm happy to guess that Hans gets along well with individual having this kind of character (like Levi)

These are my views on this side of Hans. She can see and master the complex and dark side of people skillfully, although she still tends to look at the good side of them. She treats other as human-being with their own weakness and  uniqueness. She would not judge others without considering the specific situation

So about C71, I think what she said to Shadis was not because she is too naive, or being so strict with others to ask them to give up their personal desire, but because of the special relationship between them.

TBC..

[lotorhasabuttcape]

Umbrella Academy Season 2 Review

So, the season opens with Klaus and Bogo’s wedding. Personally, I was a bit surprised by this. I mean, I, like everyone else, had obviously noticed the sexual tension between Klaus and Pogo in season 1, but I didn’t think their relationship would progress so quickly. No matter—my confusion was quickly resolved when this was revealed to be a significant jump into the future. Now I’m excited to see what events will lead up to this moment. Curiously, pogo is depicted with blonde fur and piercing blue eyes. He didn’t have those before, right? What’s going on here? Luther is nowhere to be seen.

So now we catch up with Diego, who has been forced to quit promoting his tech startup in order to restrain Luther in his basement full time. We learn that Luther’s ape DNA has been ravaging his mind in addition to his body, and now he has begun to behave in a manner that is unpredictable and dangerous. It clearly pains Diego to do what must be done, but he understands the importance of protecting his siblings.

Allison is devastated, naturally. She wears all black for the remainder of the series, and her face is always obscured by an ornate lace veil. I thought this subtle symbolism of her grief was a nice touch. Her only solace in the entire series is hanging out with Vanya. They get like ice cream together and stuff and it’s really nice. Anyway.

Restraining Luther is really taking its toll on Diego. In just a few episodes he goes from a handsome young man to an old, stressed out geezer. [insert photo of old 5]. Clearly, something needs to be done about Luther. Diego can’t carry on like this, and it will rip him apart to continue to try. With Diego too broken to act, it is Vanya to the rescue. As established in Season 1, Vanya can breathe underwater and withstand intense atmospheric pressure, so naturally she volunteers to drive Luther to the moon to live out the rest of his days, just as Daddy Hargreaves intended. Luther had to be tased several times and restrained with horse tranquilizers, but the result is a peaceful, poetic, and poignant scene where Vanya sails through the sky while Drive Me to the Moon plays in the background. I’m not going to lie guys, I shed a tear at this moment.

You’re probably wonder why 5 let Vanya borrow his car for this purpose, as it was surely destroyed in the process of transporting Luther to his lunar prison. Well the answer is that he didn’t. Luther’s dramatic subplot eclipsed a larger issue. Just as 5’s age was reversed in Season 1 so that the 60-something year-old man was represented by a teen boy, this time 5’s aging process reversed even more. Five has now been reduced to a newborn infant, in a brilliant Benjamin Button-style twist. Despite his infantile appearance, it is made evident that he still possesses the sharp wit of an older man by the fact that he sips margaritas from his baby bottle and can frequently be seen cuddling and sucking on a loaded handgun.

None of the other siblings knew what to do with him or how to care for a baby. Because of this, Five spends the majority of the Season cradled in Dolores the mannequin’s arms, where he was left by his siblings, who did not know or care how to better look after him. He only moves from this position when Allison takes pity on him in episode 12, where she scoops him up, smiles at his delighted face, and finally removes her veil once and for all. We can safely assume that Allison has decided to adopt him from that point onward. Allison has never embraced typical sibling relationships, instead treating her brother Luther as a love interest and now, in order to heal her broken heart, treats her brother Five as an adopted son. This is a beautiful character arc and it was an honor to watch Allison’s character grow in such a significant way.

We see intermittent flashes of Luther on the moon. He is growing increasingly apelike, and finally, is no longer recognizable as the man he once was. Around this time, the enigmatic link between Pogo and Luther is finally revealed. When Luther is reduced to nothing but a King Kong-esque apeman destined to live and die in lunar solitude, Bogo’s blonde haired blue eyed appearance is explained at last. Boho steps forward in one of the final scenes, and in walks... Luther?? Wait what? The Hargreaves siblings are similarly confused, including Ben, who is now alive. There is nothing monkey-like about this Luther. He is 100% human. It is Allison who ventures first, to ask what is going on.

Luther, or should I say “Luther,” explains that he is not Luther at all. Luther is still a gorilla man rotting on the moon, just as Vanya left him. This new and improved Luther is actually Bogo, who explains that he had been growing increasingly human just as Luther had been feeling his humanity slip away. “You see, there was a link established between Luther and myself, ever since he was injected with the ape DNA in order to save his life. The same DNA that once saved mine.”

The siblings couldn’t believe what they were hearing. I, the viewer, couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Pogo was once a human?

“Not just any human. My children, it is so good to see you all again,” he said, and they finally recognized the voice as that of their father. Klaus divorced him immediately upon learning this shocking information.

In the end it is revealed that Reginald could take on other corporeal forms by switching his life force with theirs, and he had been using this technique to stay alive since the Byzantine empire, when he was born. He never intended to save Luther from the animal instinct that overtook him. Instead, all of it, including when he sent Luther to the moon the first time, was all just preparation so that Reginald could groom his next corporeal form. He never loved Luther as a son, and now he finally admitted it.

Over all I thought this season had a really great premise. Many of the scenes were beautifully acted and moved me to tears. I loved the tiny details, like how Hazel was JFK all long and how Vanya got together with Liberty Belle from GLOW. This season had a lot of great twists and I’m really excited to see what happens in Season 4. Let me know what you guys think!!

[whiskeyjack]

I absolutely hear you on a lot of what you said about Rio’s development this season, but I don’t think the show is saying that Nick’s comment about Lucy’s murder is what we’re supposed to think about it. That’s just what Nick thinks, and considering the way they’ve portrayed him, I really don’t think we’re meant to agree with him. In fact I thought we were supposed to do the opposite. Why do you think the show itself is reframing what happened through him? I’m curious in your reading of that

(x)

you know? you make an excellent point. this one also got unintentionally REALLY long, so it is too, under the cut haha

-shout out to @jade-marie and @00gangfriend00, without them I don’t know how coherent this entire response would be haha

Alright, well firstly, I think it’s unfortunately clear that even some of the show’s writers don’t actually have a good grasp on the events leading up to Lucy’s death, both during s3 and now. It seems like depending on who is talking, and the timing of the discussion, the answer will shift. It is… really hard to speculate sometimes when the writers don’t even know the reason behind a scene. However, since it’s canon - whatever the reason or goal of the scene - I’m just going to go on my merry way and create/keep my own interpretation.

The more I thought about your ask, the more I realized, yeah, through Nick’s scripted words alone, they aren’t necessarily reframing what happened, since Nick does seem to be unaware of much of the entire sequence of events regarding Lucy: “So… you were just gunna, what, keep it to yourself?”. Assuming the diner scene with the cop was the first time he heard about it, his impression most likely wouldn’t be a fair representation of what actually happened. So, this is me eating my own words from before, so I apologize for using his quotes to reinforce my idea. This is simply my opinion, and it does regularly change quite a bit… I am wrong a lot haha

To some degree, I think reframing or shifting of some sort is kind of unavoidable when a show continues a plotline from a previous season, especially in addition to incorporating new characters into the past events. Nonetheless, I do think that the show is deliberately in fact reframing Lucy’s death and why it happened - through Rio’s backstory & POVs, Nick’s character development, and the show’s choice to show Rio having a lack of scars.

1. The backstory and Rio POVs

According to the backstory we’ve been given so far, Nick is this person who apparently is so deeply entrenched in Rio’s life and decision-making but he doesn’t know 1) that Rio killed someone, 2) the fact that Rio killed Lucy for Beth (as opposed to killing Annie, Ruby or Beth), and 3) why, which makes me wonder how exactly they are using Lucy’s death as a plotline in combination with Nick and Rio’s relationship. As I said in my previous post, I believe that the events leading up to and including Lucy’s death were heavily tied into if not directly a reaction to the shooting in 2.13.

According to this season, it seems Nick is Rio’s backstory, and Rio is Nick’s. So far, we’ve gotten approximately eight Rio POV scenes, separate from the girls, including flashbacks (excluding the Fitz kill):

4.02:

-the police station

4.08:

-baby Rio (rotten eggs with Nick)

-teenage Rio (the boxing scene(s)/contrasted with Nick’s POV on the golf course)

-teenage Rio (locker room theft)

-teenage Rio (grandma/stove and locker room arrest)

-adult Rio (outside the police station)

-teenage Rio (with Nick, kitchen flashback - I think this is more just an omniscient POV, however)

4.09:

-the boxing scene (with Nick)

With the exception of the police station in 4.02, Nick has been present in some capacity in each one of these Rio POV scenes. Since it’s only been through the flashbacks that we’re getting the main context of their relationship, it’s clear that the storyline the show is perpetuating this season is that Nick and Rio’s characters are very tightly weaved together in some capacity. And have been historically.

Rio, as a teenager, was a victim of Nick’s early manipulative actions, but in the end, it made him money, so (we are able to gather) he was able to justify falling into a criminal relationship with him. After Rio’s six-month stint in prison, he spent (probably) the entire time resenting Nick (and also, this is where he most importantly - in my opinion - developed adult Rio’s mannerisms haha jk).

So, moving forward with this knowledge, let’s take a look at their adult relationship.

2. Nick’s character development (in relation to Rio)

First and foremost, with Rio, in s1-3, he was an enigmatic, charismatic, clever, powerful, king who loved money, was in charge of every decision, well-connected, and a man of few words etc etc. Now, while Rio is being given more facets as more and more of his relationship with Nick is revealed and explored: he is being illustrated as someone who is dependant on his likely long-time abuser. This may be the case, absolutely, but, in my opinion, takes away from the last three years of work the show put into the character Rio mentioned above, including Manny’s nuanced acting. The reveal of Nick’s current power dynamic over Rio (at least the abusive part) in this past episode was quite jarring and seemed incredibly OOC of the Rio I personally know and love from past seasons, and, it kind of came out of nowhere, in my opinion. To be clear, I have nothing against the storyline of Rio being a victim (have you read my fic? haha), but I think that the way they are progressing this storyline is too abrupt and lacks the subtleties that I would have preferred to see with something like this. Especially considering this is canon.

Returning to the original point though, by assuming this abuser/abused dynamic is where the show is taking Nick and Rio’s relationship, that means that Nick likely seeks to control Rio’s life and decisions as much as he can (props to @00gangfriend00 for this articulation). Related and important side note: @jade-marie pointed out to me that by setting a preceding occurrence of physical mistreatment, the show is (unintentionally) establishing Rio as someone who is stuck in a cycle of abuse, and who seems to seek out abusive relationships and probably misunderstands abuse as intimacy. Rio’s relationships with both Beth and Nick demonstrate this. How much shit they’re both clearly able to get away with, and still have power over him. Which I think is an incredibly problematic message to be sending. This is a critical point, especially regarding the scars/acknowledgement of the shooting, because it offers the writer’s an excuse to write off the entire shooting, and by doing so, they are validating this cycle of abuse. (I won’t apologize for this particular tangent, because I really hope the writers acknowledge the damage this storyline could do if they don’t properly see it through this season)

Since it was confirmed that Nick didn’t know about Lucy (even though Rio supposedly got the alibi of the boxing tickets from him) Rio was, presumably, hiding the true extent (or the entirety) of his relationship with Beth from him. Which - I think from a writer’s perspective - does benefit the show, if they choose not to circle back to the shooting. This also allows them the freedom to ‘pretend’ that Rio got over it by himself. Obviously, there are a lot of issues and plot holes with that in itself, but to me, because Lucy’s death wasn’t something that Nick already knew about, combined with the lack of clarity of who Beth is to Rio in Nick’s mind - he doesn’t know about either the shooting or the consequences of it.

3. The lack of scars

Alright, so lastly - the show’s decision to not put scars on Rio. I think this was absolutely a conscious decision, there must have been at least one person in the building that thought of the fact that a shirtless Manny without scars couldn’t just be brushed aside. As a result, I, personally, think this demonstrates that the show is done with shooting. Pretending it never happened, erasing the trauma, moving on, yeah. Obviously, as I said, I vehemently don’t agree with this direction but I think it’s clear it’s a storyline the show doesn’t want to circle back to. Otherwise, Nick would know about Beth and Rio’s history. Otherwise, Nick would know about Lucy. Otherwise, there would be scars. This is my own opinion of course, but I’m making it based off of a couple of Nick’s lines: “Did you [kill Lucy] for [Beth]?” and in 4.08 when he talks to Beth, “So what’s the deal with you and [Rio]? […] Anyone who wears a cardigan, shouldn’t be doing what he does.” He generally seems unaware of the true state of Beth and Rio’s history and is probably genuinely curious about it considering the amount of control he has (or wants to have) over Rio.

I think that because all of the Rio POVs we’ve had are linked to Nick, I made the jump that we are supposed to believe Nick’s influence is/was at the heart of many of Rio’s decisions in the past. Obviously, during s2 and s3 writing and production, they didn’t actually know they were going to get a s4 or do a Rio backstory, so the fact is, that the character they wrote called Rio then, was someone entirely different from today’s Rio. However, we’re watching different seasons of Good Girls, not a different show from one year to the next. I think because this is the backstory we’re getting, the show is implying that this was the case all along. That s2 and s3 Rio made all of those decisions with Nick, someone he was scared of, hanging over his head in some capacity. Or somewhere in his vicinity. That’s why I have a problem with the implication that Lucy’s death was phrased the way it was, without the scars present. They coated that dialogue with innuendos about Beth and Rio’s sexual history, which is also quite layered, but at least that connection I get. It reminds us that Rio was betrayed in more ways than one. However, without the scars present, and Nick seemingly unaware of the shooting, how does the show intend to justify Lucy’s death with the audience? None of it makes sense. Jade was so incredibly helpful; she cohesively summarized the events - by erasing 2.13, they are erasing Rio’s motivations for 3.05. I just want it to make sense 😩

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Who is in Control? - Part 2

A/N: Unedited smut because ya girl is ALWAYS thirsty for Henry Cavill. 🔥🔥🔥 Catch up on Part 1 HERE!  Masterlist

August Walker x Reader 

Also, if I keep tagging you and you’re not interested or want to be tagged; please let know!

Word Count: 2570k

Warnings: dirty filthy CONSENSUAL smut, language (Just don’t scroll past the cut if you don’t want to read smut)

******************************************

“FUCK!” Ethan slammed his hands abruptly on the table. “Damnit, we missed him. He’s gone.”

“We’ve searched nearly every smelly crevice London has to offer. We were so damn close!”

“Lane’s gotta be with him. If we hurry, we can still sniff out his tracks.”

Ethan eyed Y/N suspiciously; “Think Y/N. Where would he go next?”

Y/N scanned through every memory she could muster. Her frontal lobe throbbed as she rubbed the spot aggressively.

“Hazlitt’s! That’s where we’d go.”

“You sure?”

“I know it. 100%”

“Why there?”

“I’d read to him when we were in bed together. Hazlitt’s is a hotel. He surprised me when he actually listened one night. I was reading an autobiography about essayist William Hazlitt. He was the one to find out William had died there. My morbid curiosity found his gesture macabre yet sweet. It was his way of showing he’d cared without saying anything at all. And before you say anything ridiculing, don’t.”

“Shit, what the hell did you do to him? No wonder he’s on a damn rampage.”

Dryly chuckling, Y/N didn’t quite know how to follow up, fumbling over her fucked up feelings once again.

“It was our place where we could just be ourselves. Away from the world and constant bloodshed. No alterative motives, no plan of action, just us. If he’s as heartbroken as he’s letting on, I bet that’s where we’ll find him. Besides, who doesn’t enjoy a trip down memory lane, hm?”

“I underestimated you, Y/N. Fucking the information out of him AND tricking him into thinking it was love. You’re a fucking genius.”

She coldly glared at him, her mind already two steps ahead of Hunt pissing him off to no end.

“Seriously. When did it stop being a mission?”

“The SAC told me to keep an eye on him, make sure he stayed in line under a watchful eye. They teamed us together as an experiment. I can’t pinpoint when, it just happened Ethan. I mean we’ve worked side by side in the field for three years! THREE YEARS.”

“He’s scared of you. You’re his one weak link.”

She mulled his comment over. It was a truth she wasn’t quite ready to admit. Yes, she wanted to make him hurt but killing him was an entirely different story. She prayed her strength was hiding, just waiting to surface when called upon.

“Clock’s running. Let’s go.”

So, Y/N followed him through a skinny corridor alley getting to the car at an inhumanely speed.

----------

Ethan and Y/N surveyed the perimeter looking for an obtainable entrance point. The dumbfounded clerk had confirmed a Mr. Patrick Bateman checking in. Taking after his favorite character, Y/N knew what room they’d find him in. His impeccable taste for detail consistently blew her away. Room 916. No doubt in her mind. The day they met, or as he likes to better describe; the first time he ever felt noticed.

“Let me go in first. Try and reason with him.”

Irritation came off him in waves crashing nonverbally disagreeing with Y/N.

“Too dangerous. This isn’t negotiable.”

Undermining his own words Y/N spoke; “I’m not asking for permission, I’m telling.”  

Just then, the door swung open, Y/N sauntered towards a seeable back exit adjacent from Hunt’s point of sight. Walls bare of color and life lined the narrow hallway. The dimness bordered into eerie. An unknown sound skyrocketed her frenzied nerves. 913…914…915…

The garish gold numbers stood conspicuously still. Invisible weights kept her place. A knock resonated off the white dilapidated door.

Nothing. No response, not a sense of movement. Can’t fool me that easily Walker.

“I know you’re there—watching me through that stupid peephole wondering what in the literal hell I’m doing here.”

A chain clanged loose as the door astutely opened. Never had she met a man as devilishly handsome before. Towering over her 5ft7 frame, he smirked.

“Don’t give me that look. We need to talk.”

August didn’t flinch a muscle remaining inaudible. All of a sudden enigmatic emptiness consumed her.

“By all means, please come in.”

Good to see his charm and charisma hadn’t yet abandoned him.

“We both know you didn’t come alone. How long I do we have?”

“15 minutes, maybe 20 if you’re lucky. And I dare say luck isn’t on your side today. Why did you leave?”

“Getting straight to the point then my love?”

“Don’t give me that shit, Walker. I’m seriously not in the mood.”

The air conditioner hummed in the background forcing goosebumps to prickle her skin. An unexplainable chill drifted around them; a veiled noose of destruction lingering just out of sight. Y/N walked towards the window gazing up at the luminated stars. 

She’d always been fond of constellations and their profound mark on the universe. Heavy footsteps followed making their way to her. His breathe tickled along her collarbone standing mere inches away. His hands reached for hers interlacing their fingers placing a wet kiss to the exposed column of her neck.

“How far are you prepared to go?”

Her neck slanted at him in childish annoyance.

Y/N snorted; “I will go further than you. However, many weapons you’re willing to bring, I’ll bring more. However low you will go; you will never dig deeper than me. I will win, because what this will cost me in pain, I will pay. My resources are limitless, I will always outbid you, and I will never, ever back down. Am I clear?”

The seriousness in her tone amused him giggling quietly. His rebuttal was quick and brash.

“You must seriously hate the person underneath that attractive flesh of yours.”

“Already to the petty part of the evening? Always a sour puss, Auggie.”

Closing the space between them, August pinned his upper body to Y/N’s back. Her head landed powerfully on his shoulder; his fingers brushed her pulse point teasingly.

“Neither of us are getting out alive darling. Have you paid your penance? Shall we be rejoined in the afterlife or reign in hell? I do wonder.”

Ignoring him Y/N pressed further; “Where’s the plutonium? Death is but a ploy of distraction.”

“Clever girl. Reverse psychology won’t work on me, Y/N. Try again.”

His right hand wrapped entirely around her delicate neck into a light chokehold securing her in place.  

A hushed rough voice similar to a forgotten whisper slipped through; “You’re the one who has to live with your choice. Everyone else will get over it, move on, no matter what you decide. But you never will.”

His left hand stroked the button of her jeans undoing them in record time. The zipper was the next offensive item to go before he shoved her pants around her wobbly knees. Paralyzed in fear, Y/N didn’t risk moving a single muscle.

“Do you want me to fuck you? Here, now, pressed against this chilled glass, exposed for the whole world? I’ll gamble just one glance from a stranger down below will get your rocks off.”

His next words terrified her; “Only I can make you feel this alive. Tell me I’m wrong.”

She fought the searing intrusion growing between her thighs. He spoke directly to her reflection like he was talking to a ghost.

A concoction of pants and grunts were the only distinguishable noise escaping Y/N. August’s hand slithered underneath her blouse groping her covered breasts. Still she didn’t move to stop him. She was putty in his glorious hands ready to be molded into whatever he needed or craved. immersed terror sent a jolt of unexplainable excitement to her core. 

Y/N cowered ashamed of her body’s biological reaction. But something in her brain told her to let him see the demon hiding in plain sight. Suddenly, Y/N reached back fisting the hair along his neck and pulled, hard.

Her behavior shifted on the cusp of absurdity. The ruthless killer long submerged had finally met her match, someone just as vile as she believed herself to be.

“You’re not the only cold-blooded asshole in the world. Hate to burst your villainous bubble.”

“I know, my darling. I’ve waited so patiently to see you in this darkened light of misery. After this, you won’t be able to go back to work without seeing every speckle of shit sprinkled before your eyes. CIA, FBI, MI6, they’re over and you my dear play a dear role in their long-awaited demise. Once you cross this line, which you undoubtfully will, Agent Y/N is dead.”

August swept her hair to one side nipping a trail along her collarbone. Her blood pressure steadied showing him she was calm, in control, and spontaneously impulsive.

Gauging his reaction, Y/N leaned into August; “I know. You’re my Hades and I’m the beloved Persephone. We’re written in destiny, baby. You and me.”

Her voice expressed a detached, cunning, and malevolent mischief. Her words made his skin crawl and cock harden. She was truly magnificent.  

“Did you know that I’ve dreamt of your blood spilling while I fucked you raw? Holding a silver tipped blade on that very neck of yours, watching the fear grow as I rode you like a wild stallion. There’s no more denying the predatory urges I desire with you, for you....to you. We could have the world at our finger tips, Auggie. Quite frankly, you don’t scare me a bit and it pisses you off.”

August bit down sinking his teeth into her peachy flesh leaving a crimson imprint in his wake. Y/N yelped; her underwear flooded with moisture. Her feet wobbled closer to the glass as August shoved her forward. With her breasts pressed against the window, she heard the fasten of his zipper undo. Her nipples hardened in response. August’s dick pressed vigorously into her ass cheeks hitting every spot but the one she wanted. A feral growl betrayed her as she pushed back in resistance.

“Mmhm, who’s the horny one now?”  

“I’ve grown familiar with villains that live in my bed…”

The lace grazing her hips snapped painfully watching her panties fall to the floor.

“Ouch! Easy asshole.”

“Vile words from such a pretty mouth. Obviously, there’s lessons to still be achieved with you yet.”

“You foolish brute. You should be thanking me for covering your tracks, saving that scrumptious ass of yours. Oh, my pet…when you will realize you are the one at my disposal now?”

Finally, skin to skin August lined up with her entrance. His tip rubbed teasingly against her parted folds pushing in a few inches. His shallow thrusts only spurred her on. He didn’t dare let up on the vice grip of her hips. An unnaturally strained whimper strangled the surrounding room. Pre cum leaked from the tip stirring the aching in their bellies.

“You have no idea how disturbingly gratifying it is to have found an equal, a partner of sorts with a taste for blood and sadism.”

His mocking grew old quickly as his hands continued their firm hold.

“We put Bonnie and Clyde to shame. Pathetic for running, idiotically oblivious to their own demise that lot. They didn’t appreciate the art of murder. The true pleasure of control. No room for impulse or error. Unappreciative of valuing a method to morbid madness.”

Without a word, he sunk in Y/N in one quick push. Her hands jutted out leaving imprints along the steamed window.

“Ah, fuck Auggie.”

Again, August snapped forwards unrelenting in his cruel pace. Y/N met him each and every movement in their ferocious dance of dominance. She squeezed her pelvic muscles painstakingly tight around his cock. August’s eyes rolled to the back of his head attempting to picture anything to keep him from busting that very second.

“Hunt will be arriving soon. We can run, start anew, create chaos elsewhere without any government supervision. Say the word and I’m yours.”

Y/N barely made out his panted speech due to the pounding of blood running through her ear canals crashing like waves. She was too turned on, too lost left unable to process what August was offering instead moaning raucously loud.

Slapping of skin resonated as their ends soon approached desiring nothing more than to cum. His balls slapped against her as his cum dribbled down her inner thighs. He rammed harder causing Y/N to stumble remaining deep inside her. August halted all movements finding a pair of sapphire eyes staring into his. Y/N shifted her hips in hopes of resume.

“Fucking move, Walker. I want to cum.”

“What’s your decision; orgasm or death?”

Silence stilled; August’s patience was disappearing at an alarming rate. He rutted upwards into her forcing an exhale from her lungs.

“You embarrass yourself with the question if you didn’t already know the answer.”

Anger blinded him compelling him to rip her face towards him. In his moment of rage, August thrusted powerfully reading her body like the back of his hand. She was on the cusp of orgasming and he took full advantage of that knowledge.

Barely a whisper graced his ears; “Yes, forever yes.”

Her pussy constricted pulling him in deeper than ever before as they fucked like wild animals. Taking whatever offered succumbing closer to orgasmic ecstasy.

“Good girl.”

August stiffened bending Y/N at the waist driving violently into her dripping cunt. Not more than four thrusts later, August tensed feeling Y/N constrict around his length sending a shiver down his spine. Breathy grunts could be heard through the walls as he filled her with his sticky cum. She devoured every drop placing her hands on his ass keeping him in place at her sweet spot. Her orgasm overtook her like a summer thunderstorm on a midnight sky. 

She quivered speechless as she surrendered to his touch. This breath tickled the back of her glistening neck. Hot white emission gushed out of him painting a mural in her womb. They didn’t move from their current predicament still coming down from their highs. All too soon, August removed himself tucking himself back into his pants. Y/N stayed in place untrusting of her jelly legs.

“Shit, I needed that.” A tiny queef escaped her now drenched lips watching in awe as small spurts of his juice ran down her legs like raindrops. She swiped a finger against the white liquid sucking it dry. August felt his cock twitch in his pants wanting to fuck her all over again.

“We need to get out of here now.” Tossing her a towel, she cleaned herself observing August scramble his life remnants together.

“Where to next?”

That devilish smile she so longingly adored frighteningly arose to life, his pupils darkened at her questioning nature, before reaching his hand towards hers. She accepted interlocking their fingers as one. In two seconds, time, August pulled her into his grasp kissing her in passionately. Their kiss was messy, vile, and monstrous. Y/N already craved another round but knew better than to push. After all, they were on a time constraint.

“India. We’re off to India my dove.”

“I hear their Murg Makhani is quite delectable.”

“I have a friend in Kashir but we must move quickly. We need something to knock Hunt off our scent.”

“I’ve just the idea.”

Just one glance was all it took for August to read her mind effortlessly.

“By all means lead the way.”

A wickedly foul smirk scrabbled to the surface, unearthed from a long-sealed lockbox.

“You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.…”

~~~~

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[togetherwearerapture]

Montage (Ethan x MC)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Elle Valentine)

Description: After returning from the Amazon, some liquor and the sight of Elle with another man makes Ethan realise that the feelings he’s been running from, are deeper and more powerful than he had ever imagined.

Warnings: Angst, alcohol, jealousy, mentions of sex, predatory behaviour, violence and injury. All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Notes: I’m back from the depths with another piece of Ethan angst (what else?). This is set at the start of Book 2, after Ethan and MC’s first week of working together again. The Dr Thorne aspect is a bit of a rewrite of Chapter 1.

Word Count: 3.4K

***************

The thrum of the music vibrates in his chest like a wayward pacemaker, the scotch burning through his veins. Tonight, Donahue’s is lively and crowded. Ethan usually stays away from the place on evenings like these, but he can’t quite bring himself to just finish his damn drink and leave.

He can’t stop watching her.

She’s not even looking at him- she probably doesn’t even know he’s here, for Christ’s sake- but still, he can’t bring himself to pull his gaze away. This enigmatic magnetism of hers is what drew Ethan in from the beginning.

Even when she was a name without a face, on top of the most compelling Edenbrook application he’d ever seen. Even when, he recalls, the moment their eyes met over an unconscious patient on the waiting room floor, back on her first day.

Her fingertips were quaking around the scalpel like the last leaf of fall around its lonely branch. Ethan remembers placing his own hand atop hers to guide her. She was delicate, and afraid, but through the adrenaline and the urgency of the situation, he could still see something irrefutably strong in her eyes.

‘A spark’ to describe sexual chemistry is such a cliché, and Ethan hates clichés, but he knows that from that moment on the waiting room floor, it has always been there.  He realises that at some point, that spark became a wildfire.

And right now, with the combined kindling of the alcohol in his blood and the sight of her in the arms of another man, it’s an inferno.

 And how it rages in his core.

Bryce Lahela leans in close to say something in her ear, and Elle Valentine throws her head back and laughs. Ethan knows the bar is far too loud for the sound to travel to him, but somehow, he hears it. He watches the lovely cascade of blonde hair swinging side to side down her back, as she and Bryce sway together happily on the dancefloor. As Ethan watches the surgeon’s tanned hands encircling her tiny waist, he remembers how it felt to hold her there with his own.

And then, he feels it beginning to creep into the corners of his mind. It is far too familiar now, but he has never become comfortable with its presence. It being, the torturous highlight reel of their time together. All their stolen moments, in the quietness and in the loud. It’s the montage that he had unsuccessfully tried to switch off in the Amazon by throwing himself into a pandemic for two months. For the last five days since he’s been back at Edenbrook, he’s tried to drown out its presence with his work. And tonight, he had attempted to resist its nightly arrival with alcohol.

When will you learn?

The rational medic in Ethan knows that liquor never does the job when it comes to her. He feels the montage creeping closer, and acknowledges that, if anything, the drink in his hand is the poison oil that has slickened the floodgates open.  

You’re a goddamn fool, Ramsey.

And then, it’s there on the threshold again. He lets it come.

He remembers how her small hands felt as they travelled across his skin, dwarfed by the wide planes of his shoulders and chest. He remembers the way they felt that very first time, slipping underneath his tuxedo; her fingertips ten white hot points on his skin in the cold Miami air. Never before had he been touched with such tenderness and delicacy. Elle’s soft hands snaking behind his head to stroke the hair at the back of his neck was a sensation that he had etched into his soul.

He remembers when he touched her again, the first time they made love in his apartment. The feel of being inside of her, and the look of pure ecstasy on her face when she climaxed beneath him, was something that Ethan had burned into his cortex forever.

Ethan suddenly jerks as an obnoxiously drunk surgical resident knocks his elbow, leaning over the bar to signal Reggie for a round of shots. Jaw clenching, Ethan is momentarily dragged out from his reverie to snap at the resident to watch what he’s fucking doing. Surprising even himself with his irritability tonight, he returns his gaze to her. And almost immediately wishes he hasn’t.

There is no denying that she’s an absolute bombshell. She’s very clearly the most attractive woman in the hospital- hell, the most attractive woman Ethan has ever seen- but he suddenly becomes painfully aware that he is not the only one to notice this. He’s seen Lahela with her before around the hospital, flirting with her, of course. There’s also the burly paramedic who looks at her like a lovelorn puppy. And in fact, most people who come within ten feet of Elle Valentine do a double take in her direction.

And that includes tonight, too. Almost as if seeing it for the first time, Ethan looks around at the dancefloor, his hand tightening around the glass as he sees several other men cast admiring glances in her direction. The nudging, the pointing, the smirking, makes his blood boil. He tries desperately not to imagine what they are muttering to each other as they do so.

He tries (and fails spectacularly) not to think if Elle had slept with anyone else while he’d been in Brazil. Had she been with Lahela? His grip on her waist as they continued to sway on the dancefloor, looked too comfortable to be platonic. He wonders if, in his absence, if Elle had drowned her sorrows in alcohol like he had. Had she sat at this bar? Had she thrown herself into the arms of another- one of her many willing admirers? Had she had one night stands? Had the paramedic taken her out for dinner? That seemed like something he would do, he seemed the romantic type.

You have no right to think about any of this, a part of him chastises him from the depths of his intoxication. She can do what she wants, she can fuck who she wants. You pushed her away, you let her go.

The memory of their conversation here a mere five nights ago grips him like a vice.

**********

“Ethan…why didn’t you keep in touch?”

Her voice is so small, but it manages to smash his heart like a sledgehammer.

“No word from you at all, for two months? After everything that happened between us?”

“Everything that happened between us is exactly why I didn’t contact you. Elle, if we’re going to work together on the diagnostics team, we need a fresh start. Your professional development is too importance to jeopardise it with whatever…whatever it was that we had.”

“Had, past tense.”

“Yes. And the past is where it has to remain.”

**********

Past, that’s fucking rich, Ramsey, he scorns himself. The ‘It’ had never been so painfully and agonisingly present.

And so much for a fresh start for the sake of the diagnostics team. Ethan thinks of the new, cutting-edge research paper on Huntington’s that he had planned to review this evening. He thinks of it sitting, untouched, on the countertop of his empty apartment. He thinks of how he’s sitting at a much stickier countertop instead, drowning his sorrows in a scotch glass instead of a stack of paperwork.

******

“Good dancing stamina, Valentine,” says Bryce with a devilish wink, as the latest song comes to an end. Elle chuckles as they finally pull away from each other.

She stands on her tiptoes to talk in his ear above the din of the bar, telling him to go and see what the others want for the next round, while she joins the queue for the bar. Bryce nods, and with a light pat on her waist, heads back outside.

It’s then that Elle finds herself alone at the bar, and also alone with her thoughts. The thoughts she’s been desperately trying to push aside. She tries to focus her attention on the new happy hour cocktail list above the bar, but the Mexican Butterfly and Blood Orange Sling fail to captivate her thoughts.

Unable to keep her mind from wandering to him, Elle finds that her eyes do too. She allows her gaze to roam to his favourite seat at the bar…

And with a sudden jolt, sees that the seat is taken by the very man himself, and the piercing blue eyes that she’s been dreaming of for months, are already fixed on her own.

Feeling her heart rate begin to rise, Elle briefly considers breaking the eye contact. But perhaps it is the fact they are both alone, with no distractions, no one else to question them, that she allows herself to indulge. The shared gaze feels intimate, powerful, and almost illicit to her. He doesn’t look away, his eyes full of longing. Elle feels somehow naked there, as if they are the only two people in the room and he is devouring her with his eyes alone. She takes in the khaki jacket, the beard that she had dropped a hint at him to keep (and it doesn’t escape her notice that he took it), the neat whisky in hand.

She feels a sudden heat between her legs, and god, by the way his lips part just a little at that very moment, she swears he can feel radiating from her.

A jacket-clad shoulder suddenly steps beside her at the bar, and the moment is broken. Hiding her fluster, Elle swallows and shoots Reggie an understanding smile as he says he’ll be with her as quick as he can.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing all on your lonesome? I could fix that.”

Startled, Elle turns to see that the owner of the jacket-clad shoulder is the one making the grotesque advances. Dr Garrett Thorne, a plastic surgeon she recognises from Edenbrook, is leering over her.

“I’m not alone. And I’m not interested, sorry,” she says, turning pointedly away from him and back to the bar. Her fingernails drum anxiously on the counter. She hopes Reggie comes over soon.

“You know, I’m a plastic surgeon,” he drawls, completely undeterred. “Most of my female clients would kill to get a body like yours.”

He leans closer, and Elle shrinks into herself; the usual scenario when trying to get rid of unwanted male attention. In a safer setting, or if her friends were, Elle would love to put Thorne in his place. But he’s far bigger than her, and he’s clearly not the type of man who would take no for an answer. Instinctively, she cranes her neck back around to the other end of the bar, hoping to meet Ethan’s eye again in a plea for help. To her dismay, she sees that the stool is empty.

“I said, I’m not interested. I want you to leave me alone-” she says firmly.

“But I can tell yours is all real,” Thorne raises his voice to speak over her. Elle isn’t sure if it’s the reek of his overpriced cologne or his words that make her feel suffocated. “It’s the proportions, you see…the shape. You just can’t get that with cosmetic adjustment.”

“Will you fuck off, you creep?” she snaps, disgusted.

“And of course,” he sneers, with a twisted, veneered smile, “you can tell for certain, by the feel.”

Elle barely has time to flinch away as Thorne’s hand touches her backside. Then, a flash of green collides with the plastic surgeon with the force of a freight train.

“Don’t touch her, you son of a bitch!”

******

Ethan pins Thorne against the bar, forearm pressed to his throat. Donahue’s whirring disco lights continue to throw out every colour under the rainbow, but all Ethan sees is red.

“Get-off-me-Ramsey!” Thorne splutters, squirming under Ethan’s unwavering hold.

“She told you to leave her alone, and you just didn’t listen.” He towers over the surgeon, his voice low. “If you ever touch her again, I’ll break your fucking hands, and you won’t operate for a year.”

Through the red haze, Ethan realises Reggie has appeared at his side.

“Easy Ethan, I’ll take care of him. I won’t have any creeps in here.” He lays a hand on Ethan’s shoulder, and one of the other barmen appears. Reluctantly, Ethan releases his grip on Thorne, watching him slither pathetically against the counter, his overly polished shoes slipping on the hardwood floor.

As Reggie and the barman march Thorne outside, a voice breaks through the sea of red.

“Ethan?”

He turns to see Elle, shaken. Her lips were slightly parted, her breathing quick.

“Elle, are you alright?” he says quickly, his hands settling on her with a gentleness that was completely alien to him a few moments before. He looks her over. “Did he hurt you, did he-”

“I’m fine, Ethan,” she interrupts him gently. She places her small hands on his arms. “Are-are you?”

He meets her eyes, and for a split second, the fairy lights above the bar could be stars in the sky above their hotel balcony. The draft from the back door could be the breeze over the Miami sea.

Then the memory is gone. The world that has disappeared to him for some time, jolts violently back into existence. Ethan glances around. Everyone in close proximity is staring at him. There are whispers.

“Elle, what’s going on?”

Ethan looks up and sees Lahela wading through the crowd, his gaze settling on Ethan’s hands on the junior resident’s waist.

Hurriedly, he drops his arms to his sides.

“As long as you’re alright. I should-”

He trails off, acutely aware of the many pairs of eyes around the bar still fixed on him. The staring burns him like fire, and he can feel it prickling at the back of his neck.

His cover has been blown. Was that an appropriate intervention, for a man making unwanted advances towards a woman in a bar? Wouldn’t a “back off, Garrett”, or a yanking of his arm have been enough? Was it necessary for him to pin him against the bar in a chokehold? To threaten to break his hands? Would he have reacted like that had it been any other woman?

She’s not just any woman to you. You know it, she knows it, and now this whole goddamn bar knows it too.

“I should go.”

“Ethan, wait!”

But it’s too late. He turns on his heel and walks away, as she pleads him not to.

He is acutely aware it’s not for the first time.

Now he is on the move, he becomes aware of the depths of his intoxication. The bar spins a little, and he almost stumbles as he reaches under the bar to retrieve his car keys that he’d given to Reggie earlier in the night.

He strides out of the door into the night. He barely registers Reggie and the barman shoving a protesting Thorne into the nearest cab. He just keeps walking, and walking.

He crosses over the street to Edenbrook, heading for the car park. The rows of stationary cars blur and dance in front of his eyes, and he knows he’s stumbling.

When his own car finally swims into view, Ethan fumbles with his keys to unlock it, half-falling into the driver’s seat.

He shoves the keys into the ignition. He knows how wrong and dangerous this is, but there is that gnawing desperation to be in control. To not be garnered by rules, and humiliation, and professionalism. He craves so badly to do something wrong, to rebel, and most of all, to get away.

He decisively turns the key, and the engine springs to life. As he fumbles for the gearstick to shove the car in drive, his fingertips trace something small and smooth. He glances down.

There, in the gearstick well, is Elle’s coconut chapstick. A fossil of her presence in his life.

And then the montage is there again, invading his mind before he even knows it’s there.

All the car rides they shared together; after they found the frog for Dolores, after the opera, after staying late at the hospital to work on Naveen’s case, after he dropped her off at her apartment the morning after they first made love.

Her laughter ringing through the car at him shaking his head, after she decisively switched over the stereo to a pop station, after enduring several hours of sombre classical tunes. Her singing along, with that beautiful voice of hers, which was entirely lovely to Ethan despite him rolling his eyes.

Their last night together…

He had made a conscious choice to engrave the vision in his mind, memorise every detail.

He remembers brushing her sweet spots with his lips; the hollow of her collarbone and the inside of her thigh. The feel of her goosebumps erupting under his fingertips as he did so, and the delicious sigh that escaped her lips.

He remembers every look on her face; the spectrum of her warm gentle smile, to the expression of pure ecstasy on her face as she came in his arms. He remembers all of it, the sight burned in his retinas forever.

That final morning. Elle laying in his arms, watching her sleep. He remembers running his hands through her hair, relishing in its softness, a golden halo around the pillow. He remembers watching her stir, then turning to stare stoically at the ceiling as he felt a lump grow in his throat, knowing he could never hold her like that again.

He finds his hands picking up the chapstick, throwing the cap carelessly aside. Fingers shaking, he presses it to his lips, and closes his eyes. The memory of every one of their kisses is so vivid, it’s almost cruel.

His throat burns and he chokes out a sob. Defeated, he turns off the engine. It feels as though an iron fist is closing around his neck. His eyes snap open, and he desperately fumbles to roll down the side window for air.

His reflection in the wing mirror catches his eye, and he glances up. He is terrified by how broken he looks.

A grown man, in tears over a woman’s chapstick. You’re pathetic, Ramsey.

His fists blasts into the mirror, the burning in his knuckles incomparable to the inferno in his soul. He can feel the pain; physically feel it- in his chest, and it feels like it’s ripping him from the inside out.

He is shaking, heaving with sobs now, his head in his hands as he feels a hot trickle of blood travel down his arm. He wonders what it is inside him that makes him torture himself in this way. That makes him deprive himself of the only woman he’s ever loved, the one every fibre of his being screams for.

He swears he can almost feel the warmth of Elle’s hand resting atop his knee, almost hear her voice ring out in the empty car, speaking words she’d said many times before.

“I’m here, Ethan.”

“I know.”

But she is not. Not anymore. And for that, Ethan knows he only has himself to blame.