#i think we deserve to be meaner actually

[flower-dagger-gay]

Has telling a woman to smile ever worked in the history of the world

[bombshellsandbluebells]

the Nate Shelley s3 arc reminds me of the s5 Murphy arc in terms of how much I actually loved it despite it not being widely liked by the fandom and was actually disappointed because it wasn't ugly enough lol

and it's basically the same arc. character with deep-seated wounds and a lack of true self-love has realistic, damaging coping methods and crashes and burns spectacularly by hurting other people around them and isolating themselves because it doesn't matter how good things get for you, deep-seated wounds that don't get addressed will eventually come out one way or another. and it will be ugly when they do.

the Murphy arc was disappointing because it got wrapped up way too easily with Memori getting back together which didn't actually address ANY of Murphy's issues and Nate's was disappointing because it just didn't commit fully to being ugly and didn't let him be enough of an asshole

[mr-ribbit]

this isn't meant to soften or reduce the objective transmisogyny + additional hate action going into this, but since the people running these harassment campaigns are acting like they're literal baby children who need their hands held to understand anything, maybe this needs to be said:

what you're doing and how you treat trans women on this website is fucking MEAN. if you want to sit there and honestly convince yourself that you're *not* a transmisogynist or a transphobe or a misogynist or any other type of bigot - like if you genuinely believe that and are confused why people are calling you these things - then maybe we need to start from little primary colored building blocks and tell you that you're being fucking mean and rude and actively harmful to real people who read the things you say. im not sure why we need to start off with "trans women have feelings" - just kidding I know exactly why we need to - but maybe you don't.

no matter who you're talking to, do you honestly think accusing someone you do not know of being a pedophile, en masse, behind their back /and/ in a public forum, is a reasonable way to treat someone for making a tumblr post about video games or political opinions? even if you strongly disagree with the post, you think someone deserves to be treated like that by people they don't know? take a second please and sincerely imagine how that would feel. wouldn't it be scary? wouldn't you wonder who the people were who thought this about you - if they're people you know - if they're just a few people that will continue saying mean things to you forever or if there are thousands of people who choose to dedicate their time and energy specifically to making you feel bad? if you accidentally write a post in the wrong tone or unknowingly interact with a shitty person, that there are uncountable people that will keep track of that just to hurt you later? that's fucking horrifying

and to zone in on what's specifically happening here: do you think randomly accusing people of being pedophiles or sexual abusers has no effect on them? like a lot of you tend to excuse yourself in these discussions by saying "I didn't actually see the context of what they were saying" or "I didn't see that they apologized already" or "I didn't actually understand the post was a joke" or whatever other kneejerk response to make sure *you* aren't seen as a bad person. do you realize that makes you look even meaner? you didn't bother to actually follow up on a thought you had about someone before sending them hateful messages or making public accusations about them? those actions are harmful whether or not you like the victim at the end of the day.

believe it or not some people you send this shit to are survivors of abuse themselves, or have their own historical personal reasons to be weighing in on a touchy subject. when you baselessly decide it's ok to call someone an abuser of any type, that person is probably *also* disgusted by whatever horrible shit you're accusing them of. as someone that hates these things as much as you do in order to attack someone for them: what do you think it's like to have complete strangers think that about you? how many eggshells would you walk on if random people thought so little of you that they were ok doing this?

it's mean. it's heinous, cruel bullying, and if you genuinely think you are not doing it from a place of transmisogyny or hatefuk bias over the victims' identity, then you need to understand that that's not an excuse. "i didn't even know she was trans" ok, it was still mean to call her a pedophile with 200 of your closest friends in public. "im trans so it can't be transphobia" ok it was still mean to assume someone was endorsing abuse when they were talking about being accused of abuse. "i didn't see the post where she said it was a joke" ok it was still mean to actively harass someone without bothering to look into the full context.

at the end of the day, yes, obviously I still think you're all transmisogynist assholes who are clearly willing to gang up on a woman who has nothing to do with your problems simply because she dared to speak on them. i think you're bigoted and unwilling to examine that if it means giving up your vitriol against someone who doesn't like your favorite video game or whatever excuse of the week. but like even if you were just doing it for love of the hate game, it's fucking weird heinous shit and i hope you're happy having that be a central part of your life

to be clear: im not transfemme and if I'm overstepping or talking over anyone please let me know. im not speaking for anyone's actual experiences except my own, which is the experience of being angry at how much literal bullying and harassment I see excused on this so-called progressive queer blogging website

[brattyfork]

midnight.c

summary: chris has an idea for new years.

warnings: daddy!chris lol, orgasm denial, spanking (kinda), nothing super crazy but pretty long

“ready baby?” chris walked into our room to me sitting on the bed scrolling through my phone.

“sure, did you pick a movie?” i started to get up.

“nah, we should pick one together” he started walking down the stairs, me trailing behind him.

my eyes widened when i saw the coffee table littered with my favorite snacks. my favorite blanket was neatly folded in the spot we usually sit.

“chris you didn’t have to do all this”

“i know, but you deserve it. plus you gotta get your energy up for tonight” he winked at me, making me shake my head.

chris had come up with this crazy idea yesterday. we were gonna fuck, but i wasn’t allowed to cum until midnight. for some reason, i agreed. i thought it’d be fun, i always loved trying new things in bed and chris seemed really excited about it so i said yes.

i rolled my eyes at him before he grabbed my hand and led me to the couch.

“what’d you wanna watch?” i asked him.

“no clue, just flick through em and we’ll pick something” i started looking through the movie section of netflix until something caught my eye. chris noticed my pause.

“you wanna watch it?”

“are you good with that?”

“of course princess” i hit the play button and curled up next to him. he laid the blanket over us and grabbed some snacks off the table in front of us.

the movie was only an hour and a half long, chris was surprisingly well behaved. i think he was actually interested in the movie. he just ate his snacks with his arm around me,

rubbing my shoulder every now and then.

the movie ended and chris leaned over me, grabbing the remote from my side and switching the tv to youtube. i was slightly confused until he typed “new years countdown” and picked the most low key looking one. it was pretty much just a timer.

i turned to look at him and he grabbed me, pulling me so i was straddling him. i let out a shaky breath.

“we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to” he said gently, holding my face in his hands.

“no no i want to i’m just a little nervous”

“don’t be baby, it’s only me. just relax” he pulled me in to a sweet kiss, going slow as to not rush me. i got tired of it quickly, picking up the pace, the kiss now passionate and deep. chris smirked into the kiss, moving his hands down to the small of my back and wrapping his arms around me. i could feel him under me, his bulge getting harder and harder. i loved the effect i had on him, there was a reason it was me who wasn’t allowed to cum and not him.

chris moved his hands down to my ass, grabbing it making me gasp. he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth. i fought him for a second but gave up soon after, there was no point, he always won. our tongues danced in my mouth as the kiss grew needier, sloppier.

i could feel my arousal pooling in between my legs and i needed some relief. i grinded against him, letting out tiny noises as i stabilized myself with his shoulders. he must’ve not expected it though because he let out a loud groan which made me smile. his hands traveled up me to my hair, grabbing a fistful and pulling me away from the kiss.

“gonna be good for me tonight? do everything daddy says?” i nodded at him best i could with his grip on my hair. he didn’t like that though.

“i asked you a question” he smacked my ass making me yelp and fall into him as much as i could with his fist in my hair.

“yes daddy, promise i’ll be good” he brought his hand out of my hair to my cheek.

“my sweet girl” he rubbed my face before pulling me into another kiss. this one was rougher, meaner as he helped me grind on him, his hand on my ass pushing and pulling me.

“what’d you wanna do first baby?” he kept his grip on my face firm. i thought for a moment, maybe i was procrastinating but kissing him was so good i didn’t wanna give it up just yet.

“can we just keep kissing?” i looked away from him briefly, slightly embarrassed by my request.

“of course my love, you still wanna sit on daddy’s lap?”

“want you on top of me” i looked up at him.

chris smirked before standing up, lifting me with him and placing me gently on the couch under him. he situated himself on top of me, making sure he wasn’t crushing me before interlacing our fingers with one of his hands and leaning down to kiss me. chris kept grinding on me, his weight helping put more pressure on my clit. i whined into the kiss as he moved faster, god this was gonna be harder than i thought. chris started kissing down my jaw to my neck, pushing my head to the side for better access. this gave me a chance to peak at the clock.

forty minutes

fuck, i didn’t know if i could last that long. chris pulled away from my neck, helping me sit up a bit so he could pull off my shirt before laying me back down. he moved down me, placing a few more kisses on my neck before moving to my collarbones, then my chest before he finally came to my boobs. i could feel his breath over my nipples, causing them to harden. chris kissed along the tops of my breasts, purposely missing the center for awhile. finally, he placed his mouth around one of my nipples, making me whine louder than i had that night. he used his other hand to pinch and pull on my other one while he grazed the nipple in his mouth with his teeth. i arched my back slightly, pushing my chest into him. it felt incredible but i couldn’t get off from this, it really only got me worked up, i could never cum from this alone. and chris was fully aware of that.

i got sick of his teasing once he had moved to the other side, switching his mouth and hand around. i grabbed his face and pulled him off me, his mouth and my chest creating a popping noise when they disconnected. i pulled him into me, kissing him but it was just a distraction. i slowly moved my hand in between us, determined to catch him off guard. i lightly palmed over him before coming back up harder. he groaned into the kiss, pushing his face into mine before he pulled back, giving me the opportunity to speak.

“wanna feel you daddy” i continued to palm him through his pants and boxers. he groaned.

“yeah, you want daddy’s cock in your mouth princess?” he ground into me, putting more pressure on him and myself with my hand. i gasped.

“please” he got off me, leaning back so he was laying down. i situated my self in between his legs, propping my self up on my elbows to pull down his sweats and boxers. his cock flung out, hitting me in the face slightly and making him hiss.

i kitten licked his tip, running my tongue in his silt, collecting the precum that resided there. i looked up at him, catching his gaze and god did he look incredible. he was propped up on his elbows, pupils blown out with his lips swollen and parted, never taking his eyes off me.

i licked up his cock, starting at the base and slowly gliding to the tip, all while never breaking his gaze. once i got to the tip, i put my lips over my teeth and took him into my mouth making him gasp. he threw his head back as i took as much of him into my mouth as i could, arching his back from the pleasure. his hands flung to my hair, trying not to grab too hard while pushing my head down slightly.

“holy fuck baby, s-so good” i hummed at his praise, his grip on my hair tightening from the vibration.

i came back up, taking most of him into my mouth and jerking what i couldn’t fit. i hollowed my cheeks, creating a tighter seal around him.

“fuck i’m gonna cum baby ohmygod” i feel him twitching in my mouth and i let out another moan, feeling his hot load in my mouth a few seconds later.

chris pants, catching his breath while i lick up whatever i couldn’t swallow.

“goddamnit angel you’re incredible” i smile to myself as he sits up and pulls me on top of him.

“do you know how much i love you?” he pulls my head away from his and i shake my head.

“think i need a reminder” he smiled, pushing me off him, laying me back again as he trailed his hands down my body. he pulled off my tight shorts, revealing my black lacy underwear that he loved so much.

chris took them all the way off, sitting back on his knees. he looked at me like he was starving, it was kind of scary. he began kissing up my legs, starting at my ankles and agonizingly slowly moved to the tops of my thighs just below my panty line. chris moved into the crevice my thighs made squishing together, spreading my legs as he got closer to where i needed him. he kissed over my panties before pulling them down with his teeth, his eyes boring into me.

“holy fuck chris” the sight of him on top of me was insane. i thought i could cum from that alone. i turned my head.

thirty minutes

goddamnit, i audibly whined.

“what’s wrong angel?” chris asked, my panties now discarded with the rest of my clothes.

“i don’t wanna wait, need to feel you”

“aw i know baby, you’re being so good for me though. imagine how good it’ll feel when i’m finally inside you” he said, coming up to my stomach, kissing over my sides “how intense your orgasm will be” and up my chest “it’ll be so good baby i promise”

“mmm fine”

“good girl, now let daddy make you feel good”

chris moved down again, hooking my legs over his shoulders while he started gently licking my clit. my body jolted as he finally gave me relief where i needed it. he licked up my folds, poking his tongue into my entrance lightly while he rubbed my thighs. he started to go harder at my entrance, steadying his tongue while his nose brushed over my clit making me moan. i could feel him smirk up against me as he increased his speed.

“fuck chris holy shit” i try to wiggle out of his grip, squirming underneath him but he doesn’t let up.

“chris please, can’t” i whimpered out, trying to keep my composure. he came back up giving me a moment to breathe.

“so good baby” he stroked the side of my face. “look” he pushed my head to the side, making me look at the tv.

“only twenty more minutes my love” i whimpered.

“come sit on daddy’s lap” i clambered over to him, situating myself on top of him with my back against his chest.

chris began massaging my tits while sucking dark marks into my neck. he moved his hand up to my mouth, sticking out two fingers for me to suck. i licked his fingers while he whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

“such a good girl angel”

“listen so well”

“my perfect baby”

he pulled his fingers out with a pop, trailing them down to my body and stopping right above my clit. the teasing was starting to get to me, i cried out when he stopped his movements.

“you want daddy to touch you baby?”

“please touch me daddy please i ne-“ he began rubbing my clit in tight circles with his fingers making me gasp.

“god i love the noises you make baby”

i felt something under me, grinding down on it to make sure i knew what it was.

“you feel that angel? feel how hard you made daddy again?” he rutted up into me “daddy’s gonna fuck you so good angel”

i couldn’t handle this, i wanted more, i needed more.

“please! inside…” he moved his wet fingers down to my leaking hole.

“want daddy’s fingers?”

“mhm!” i squealed out.

“you think you can handle that baby? you still got fifteen more minutes”

“yes! yes! can handle it please i need it” he shoved his fingers inside me, causing my hand to fly up and grab his hair.

“fUck” my voice broke making chris chuckle.

“such a good whore for me”

“yes daddy fuck all yours” he fingered me harder, going at a ruthless pace that started to make my legs shake. he pulled out.

“NO, please daddy please”

“i’m sorry baby, but you know you can’t cum yet” a tear fell down my face.

“don’t cry baby, here turn around and face me” i stood up, doing as he said.

chris pulled his shirt over his head and kicked his bottoms off before gesturing for me to take my seat back.

“you want daddy’s cock?” i nodded my head feverishly.

“can’t move though, you still got ten more minutes. well make a deal” he lifted me up, aligning himself with my hole, “you sit on my cock for 4 minutes, no moving, and daddy’ll fuck you after okay?” he let go of my hips, letting me sink down. i sighed, relieved to finally have him inside me. he thrusted up into me, a pornographic moan coming out of my mouth.

“i asked you a question”

“yes daddy, won’t move i promise” i moved my legs so he could be deeper inside me, making us both let out low growls.

“so warm princess, so fucking tight” i could feel him twitch inside me. i dug my face into his neck, placing small kisses on him.

chris dropped his head back, giving me more access. deciding to tease him a bit more, i licked up his neck making him groan and his cock twitch again. i sunk my teeth down into his neck, sucking dark marks into him while he let out deep whines.

“god baby i love you so much” i pulled back from his neck.

“i love you too” and leaned into him for a sweet kiss

“it’s only be 3 minutes but you’ve been so good for me tonight. you want daddy to fuck you?”

“yes yes yes please” he chuckled at my response.

“ride me baby” he placed his hands under my ass, giving me some support as i lifted myself up and sank back down. i pressed our chests together as i bounced up and down, his hands helping me move. everytime i came back down, his tip hit the sweet spot inside of me, it became too much. i started grinding on him, now slightly tired from the nights events.

chris noticed and flipped us over, pounding into me harshly while i squealed.

“god i love the noises you make” i would’ve been embarrassed normally but i couldn’t think about anything other than how far inside me he was.

“so…deep.…” my eyes rolled into the back of my head while chris lightly laughed at me, only egging me on more.

“only four more minutes baby”

i whined, i know he was trying to make me feel better but i could only think about how long four minutes really was.

chris slowed down his thrusts, feeling me clench around him. he pulled all the way out before slamming back into me, making me cry out each and every time. i couldn’t tell you how long that lasted, i was so fucked out that i didn’t know which way was up, nonetheless how much time had passed.

before i knew it, chris started at his normal pace again, still as hard as before. i dug my nails into his back, causing him to groan at the pain.

“fuck CHRIS i can’t hold it” i knew i was close.

“you can baby, i know you can, only one more minute. you can do that for me can’t you?” i whimpered as a tear fell from my eye, quickly being kissed away by chris.

“it’s okay my love, you’re okay. i’ve got you” he touched his forehead to mine, still thrusting harshly into me but slower.

i turned my head to look at the tv again. thirty seconds. i clenched around him.

“don’t fucking do it y/n, be good for me” his switch of tone shocked me but gave me the motivation to hold back.

“not … wanna be good” i mumbled. chris kissed me , quickly shoving his tongue in my mouth to distract me.

“fifteen seconds baby, you ready?” i nodded my head as his pace became ruthless. i screamed, scratching his back before he had to hold my arms down. i heard the tv beep loudly.

5

“almost there baby”

4

“you’ve got this”

3

“my perfect girl”

2

“holy fuck”

1

my orgasm washed over me, my legs shaking and my body trembling as i tried to catch my breath. i tightened around chris, watching his eyes roll back as i felt him shoot into me made this all worth it. he stopped himself from collapsing on top of me, instead pulling me so we were both on our sides, foreheads pressed together while we continued to catch our breath.

“you okay baby?” he asked between breaths.

“happy new year!” i flung my hands up, my words coming out more as squeaks than discernable syllables. chris laughed at me, pulling me closer.

“happy new year”

a/n- lmao remember when i was like “i’m gonna take a break. anyway, unsure how i feel abt this but i’ve had the idea for weeks. sorry it’s late but

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to be in my cousin's life? This will be long, I'm sorry

I (f19, but this started at 15) have a rough relationship with my family, I don't have a better word to describe them as besides just not the best towards me. But the real issue now is that I don't want to be involved in my cousin's (f8, but this started at 5) life. This sounds very silly, I know, but let me explain. My cousin is physical in how she expresses herself towards me (she likes to throw things at me and hit me and bite me, and I can't do anything about it because I get in trouble if I do). I have a severe nut allergy and there have been multiple times she's been caught trying to smear peanut butter on me or in my mouth while I slept. She likes to tell me she wishes I'd just eat the peanut butter so she'd never have to see me again. She just hates me, honestly (I'm not sure why, I've never hated the kid, I'm not mean to her, none of us have been able to figure out why and when asked she just says she hates me because she hates me)

The house we lived in contained just me, her, my mother, and my uncle. She is not abused by either adult, before anyone asks, she's actually quite spoiled due to the fact that they can't discipline her in any way without risking her being taken away. And I don't hate her at all, I'm bitter about how she treats me, but I know she's only a little kid. However, I just don't like being treated that way. I recently moved out and I told my mother that I didn't want to be part of my cousin's life until she stopped treating me that way. (Info: My mother thinks she treats me this way because she's a kid so she can't vent her anger out on the adults and I was the only other kid she could vent it out on.) My mother thinks I'm being cruel and punishing my cousin, she says I'll regret this choice and that my cousin will be all I have one day so I shouldn't do this. I've tried to explain that I'm not doing it to punish my cousin, it's just not good for my mental health and I can't be around this behaviour anymore. Other family members and family friends have agreed with my mother, but my friends think my decision is right. Since moving out and not going through that every day, I've started to feel better about myself, my depression isn't as bad and I don't have as much anxiety when I go to sleep. That is kinda swaying my decision to me thinking I'm right for choosing this for myself, but I still worry my mother might be right and I might be ruining my cousin's mental health by leaving.

I want to add that I know I'm way older than her, and some of you might be wondering why I don't stand up to her, but I could never do anything to stop her. I spent many years in foster care due to issues with my family (my mother, specifically), and I know that even the littlest thing where I live can get your kid taken from you. If I even raised my voice at her to tell her to stop and she told someone, she could be taken away from my family and I can't do that to her, I know the horrors of foster care. I also have spent most of my life being abused and don't know how to protect myself or defend myself in situations like these. Please keep this in mind when/if you call me pathetic or stupid, trust me I know I am.

Please, I know a lot of you may think this is silly or dumb or bait, but I need to know aita for not wanting to be in my cousin's life?

Reasons I think I might be NTA: I think my decision is good for both of us and I believe I should put mental health first in this case as it can be dangerous in the future if I don't. I don't want to stay longer and end up hating her, she's just a kid and doesn't deserve to be hated.

Reasons I think I might be TA: This could be seen as punishing her, and she might hate me more for it. She's already started being meaner to other kids now that she can't vent it out on me and I'm an adult so I can take it better than one of her classmates could. She might think her behaviour drove me away and blame herself.

What are these acronyms?

[partmathpartmagic]

"Give me six months"

This is a chapter from a longer fic that you can find here. It's a letter from Astarion, written over the course of six months immediately following the defeat of the Absolute. The premise is that you two are taking some time apart after the main events of the game so he can figure his shit out a bit. I love his friendship ending because he's so happy and proud of himself, but I wish it were possible to have that and the romance as well, so this is me making that happen.

Darling,

It’s been 3 days since you saved the world. I can hear you objecting to my phrasing, so let me rephrase: it’s been 3 days since I saved the world and you were also there. Better, my dear?

This is very irksome, you know. I thought I’d make it more than 3 days without being so desperate to talk to you that I write a bunch of sentimental words down for all the world to see. And even worse, it would’ve been far less than 3 days if I’d been able to find any parchment in this godsforsaken city (we could have just let it burn, darling, no one would blame us!).

Frankly, I’m rather upset with you. Yes, I’m actually making up my mind right now. You don’t deserve a letter from me, you’re too lovely and too brilliant and too beautiful and you make it impossible to live without you.

I’ve decided to help out the spawn in the underdark. There. That’s all you’re getting from me.

______________

Perhaps I was a bit hasty. I apologize.

That’s something I’m working on doing more of, apologizing. I am getting quite a lot of practice, spending every day with people I seduced for… I’d rather not write his name, actually. But you know. People I seduced in order for him to turn and torture and starve and imprison them for a century or two.

As such, I am becoming an expert at apologizing for things no one could ever really apologize for.

If I was in a better mood I’d make a joke about how I’m spending time with thousands of my exes and you should be jealous. You’ll just have to imagine how hilarious it would be, and then pretend it’s not funny even though you’re smiling, and then roll your eyes at me like you always do. I even miss your exasperation. That’s… horrible. This is horrible.

I know it was my idea to go off and figure things out on my own but I’m beginning to suspect I’m the stupidest elf to ever live.

I can’t tell anymore if I’m being funny when I talk or if I’m just being mean. Is that how other people feel about me, that I’m mean? I think it probably is. Maybe I don’t want to be mean. That doesn’t sound right. I think I’m okay with being mean, I just want to be doing it on purpose.

You’re always so kind, but you have your meaner moments, don’t you? Gods, you’re so terrible with children. The things I’ve seen you say to them. They all think you’re dreadful. That’s something at least.

You see, I find it easier to bear your absence if I pretend your presence isn’t the best feeling in the world and everything you do isn’t perfect. I’m never able to pretend for very long, but I get a good couple minutes each day where I convince myself I’m scandalized by how you talk to children and not completely enchanted by it, and I miss you just slightly less.

_______________

It has been one month since we saved the world. I miss the sun almost as much as I miss you.

My siblings have actually made quite a bit of progress with the spawn. They’re talking about starting a school for the younger ones. It’s very strange. I hope they don’t become good people or we’ll have nothing to talk about anymore.

I had a chat with Sebastian this afternoon, which was also strange. He said, “it must be difficult seeing our faces day and night. Torturing yourself isn’t going to change anything for us. You’ve apologized; you might as well go figure out your next move.”

I think he’s just sick of seeing me and wants me to leave, but he found a kind way to say it.

But he’s not wrong to assume I have no plan after this. I might head above ground tonight and explore the city a bit, see if anything inspires me. I haven’t breathed spore-free air in what feels like years.

I think I could be okay with not having the sun if I had you. Having neither seems… unfair.

I suppose I deserve a bit of unfair.

_______________

2 months. Some very strange things have happened.

Firstly, I did take that walk. I very purposely avoided the part of the city where I heard you had settled, and then of course wound up walking right past a house that apparently belongs to your sister. I thought she was you for a moment and my heart stopped. Metaphorically, anyway.

I don’t love how much it destroyed me looking through a window and seeing someone I thought was you holding a child and kissing a spouse. Which is to say that it completely destroyed me even as it made me happy seeing you apparently happy.

I’m adding this experience to my list of reasons why forming attachments with other people is actually a bad idea and never worth it. I also have a list of reasons why attachments are good and worth it every time, which has only ever consisted of one item, which is your name. The good list wins every time, a fact which has also made its way to the bad list. No one person should have that much power!

If I’m not allowed to ascend, you’re not allowed to make me love you. It’s just as bad. You're drunk with power, darling, and it's time someone called you out on it.

Gods, you’ve completely distracted me from my point. Anyway, after I finally remembered that 2 months would not have been long enough for you to grow and birth and raise a toddler, and after I looked into the window once more and realized your sister does not actually look much like you at all, and also after I looked at the mailbox and saw your second name with a different first name, I pieced things together. Not quickly enough to keep your family from noticing the crazed vampire staring in their window, I’m sorry to say. Do give them my regards.

But after that, I ran into someone I recognized from the palace. One of the butlers, I think, or a general thrall. He was so excited to see me that he stopped me in the middle of the street and started calling me “Master” and babbling about having the carpets cleaned, so I said “strange man, what the hells are you talking about??” And he told me I was the most senior spawn still living and as such… have inherited the estate.

Now, I know this is difficult to believe given my refined manners and, well, my hair, but I’ve never actually owned a palace before. Much less one where I was trapped and tortured for a couple centuries. It’s a complicated situation. Everything is still very much in the air, but I wanted to tell you, and this is how I tell you things now. I will update you once I have an update.

_______________

I adopted a cat. I ran into Halsin on one of his supply runs into the city and he had His Majesty from Last Light with him. Apparently His Majesty had been picking fights with children (and more power to him, I’m sure you’d say), and I remembered his regal little face and volunteered to take him in without a second thought.

We are still… feeling each other out. But I gave him his own room in the estate, which I think he appreciated. The cat, I mean. Halsin doesn’t get a room.

I also do not have a room in the estate, as I am unwilling to set foot inside the building until it has been completely gutted and cleaned and the dungeons walled off permanently. Strangely enough, our old friend Barcus sent me a great team of his people to handle the renovations. Demolitions, as you can imagine, have been smooth, if a bit too enthusiastic. The gnomes have also been very nice about the whole vampire thing and willing to work nights whenever I need to be there to make decisions.

On a related note, I’ve added another item to the long list of crimes Cazador committed: laying carpeting over completely gorgeous vintage wood flooring! Murder and torture is bad, but that’s a whole other level. Thank the gods we got that criminal off the streets.

(Did you notice I wrote his name out? And then made a little joke? I think I’m rather proud of myself for that)

For the first time I’m glad we’re spending this time apart, because truly all I can talk about is tiles and paint samples and upholstery and you’d probably stake me within a couple days of being in my presence and it would be absolutely justified.

I ache for you.

_______________

3 months.

I have been thinking about my lists. I think, perhaps, it’s a lot of pressure to put on someone, making them the sole positive attachment in your life.

I say this because I’ve been spending time with His Majesty to help him acclimate, and a gnome worker commented the other day that I’m the only living creature this cat will tolerate. It made me so sad, thinking of this lovely, affectionate cat who is only ever lovely and affectionate with me. Everyone else’s experience with him will always be negative. I’ll be the only one who’s sad when he dies, and people won’t even be sympathetic to me because they’ll think, well, he wasn’t very nice anyway, good riddance.

It seems like we at least owe it to our loved ones not to leave them alone with their grief when we die.

And no, my love, I did not see the parallels to any vampire with which we are acquainted, at least not until Halsin came by to check on him on his way out of town and I gave him this whole monologue. And then he just sort of stood there looking at me until he very gently hinted that perhaps there are other people who would be willing to love the cat “if he’d just show them his belly instead of his claws.”

At that point I just thought he was hitting on me, but after he explained a little further I finally got what he was trying to say.

Which is how I ended up wine drunk with Halsin last night. We have… a surprising amount of things in common. It was disconcerting.

He also offered me some sort of mysterious substance from his pipe which I politely declined, and it was only after this that he told me a friend of his had smoked it just the night before and it had sent them into a panic attack. So if Halsin ever offers you his pipe, darling, just say no. Given your already nervous constitution, and I say this with love, you’d be absolutely fucked.

Speaking of drunk! You may be wondering how I’ve been keeping myself fed. Some of the Sharess employees have picked up on the increased demand from all these newly-free vampires and have started offering blood drinking as a service, but I’m hesitant to drink from another humanoid. My siblings think I’m being a stick in the mud, but I’ve heard them talking about people they’ve tasted and none of them sound anywhere close to the experience of drinking from you. I feel as if I’ve only ever tasted the most exquisitely aged brandy and I’m being offered tiefling wine as a replacement. I just think it would break my heart.

That said, non-vermin animals have offered a surprising range of flavors. I’ve found I’m partial to owlbears. Something about the risk makes them taste better, I think. Sort of earthy and vegetal? Not bad. In the alcohol metaphor this would be something akin to a local brew. Still a downgrade, but different enough that it doesn’t sting as much.

My good list has 3 names now, by the way: you, Halsin (this was a wine decision, but I’m allowing it for now), and His Majesty.

_______________

4 months? I think?

Listen darling, I’ll just get this out of the way: I’ve had many glasses of brandy. What’s that you say? How many is many? I stopped counting at six, my dear!

You know sometimes I think, absence is absence makes the heart grow fonder. And then I think of you, my blossom, my peach, my absolute tadpole (workshopping that one but i like it), and I think, well fuck. Maybe I’m making it up, maybe she’s not as wonderful as I remember?

And so I thik of all your worst qualities, and I concentrate so hard on them, and my love, my petal, my sweet corn, do you know what happens then? I can’t even think of any

OH wait, that’s not true. That thing when you talk and you have a bubble in your throat that you haven’t swallowed and your voice comes out weird and it makes me want to set myself on fire

Also you’re so hard on yourself, it drives me up an absolute wall. I just want to grab your shoulders and shake you and yell “be nice to my girlfriend”

And then grab other things and shake them…?

I’m far too drunk to be seductive, but just imagine me saying some absolutely filthy things in your ear right now in that voice you like. YOU KNOW THE ONE. Gods, I can’t wait to use it on you again.

I just waaaaant. I want you here so bad all the time.

I want your smell and your touch and your skin and your everything everywhere on me and around me

And… in me? Cheeky, darling. I’m not saying no, but now’s hardly the time

Love and like and cherish and worship and want, a.

_______________

No one has ever felt this ill before and no one ever will again.

I refuse on principle to take back anything I wrote last night, but let’s all agree to forget the corn thing, shall we?

And that cheeky bit at the end–really very unbecoming of you to take advantage of an incapacitated elf like that. Again, I’m not saying no, just. The timing really makes me think less of you, love.

_______________

To be honest, darling, I’m running out of things to say. Six months is a month away and I’m trying so hard not to just watch the clock all day (well, all night).

Has this time been worth it? Nothing is worth this, but if I put aside the heartache, it’s been amazing. I truly never thought I’d be able to become… whoever it is I’ve become.

When the tadpole happened, I saw hope for the first time. I thought I’d finally have control over my life if I had control over the tadpole. If I had control over everything. I honestly never saw another way.

It’s a testament to you that you saw all of this coming from the beginning. You looked at me, this open wound oozing hurt and fear and anger, and you saw a person. You thought I was funny (admit it) and clever, and worth getting to know.

You gave me the space to say no to you, and loved me regardless.

I don’t think I’m nearly as powerful without you, darling. But over these months I’ve accomplished things I’m proud of all on my own, which is fairly unprecedented.

I’m beside myself with excitement to see you again, to give you a tour of this place. You’ll like what I did in the bedroom. And that’s not even a line, I genuinely think you’ll appreciate the color palette! It reminds me of you.

And maybe if you like it we can engage in some mutual appreciation, if you know what I mean.

I don't, but maybe you do. My pickup lines have gone all to shit without you, my muse.

My good list has several names on it now. Yours is still at the top. But you're not the sole thing keeping me afloat anymore. I thought that would make me feel distant from you in some way. I never realized it would give me even more space to appreciate you for who you are instead of what you provide.

Knowing I don’t need you gives me more room to want you, I think.

Anyway, I’m not sure I have another one of these installments in me. Thank you for reading this far, if you have. The version of you who is sitting at your kitchen table reading this (that’s a guess but wouldn’t it be funny if it was right?) has been my companion for all these months, and I cherish her as I cherish every other version of you.

A.

_______________

Sending this today.

I want to be clear, I don’t expect anything. I didn’t ask you to wait around pining for me for all this time, and I wouldn’t have wanted that anyway.

So if you’ve moved on, if you’re happier where you are, if getting this letter ruins your day–it’s alright. I will miss you, maybe forever, but I have friends and a new line of work and a handsome son (to be clear I’m referring to His Majesty, I didn’t give birth since the last time I wrote). All of these things will keep me afloat.

However, if your heart and your life still have room for me, and if you think I would improve them with my presence, I will be overjoyed to share all of these things with you.

I want to meet your sister and hear you try to make conversation with her toddler. I want to show you everything I’ve done to update the estate, and I want you to make it feel like home just by being there. I want to hear all of your thoughts on Jaheira and Nine-Fingers and speculate on their love life.

I want it all, and I want it all with you.

See you soon, my love.

[visenyaism]

took a second trying to think of what rhaenyra actually... did in hotd? not plot wise or whatever but like... did she have any hobbies? how on earth did she spend her time she can't have spent 24/7 up there on syrax and she was a cupbearer or whatever- that's barely a job. did she like to, idk, hunt or something on her own time and not for her brother bday? girly needs a crafting room stat

yeah the show had her main job just sort of be reacting to things that other people did? like even one of her biggest moments of agency and consequences, deciding to have the bastard children with harwin strong, was entirely offscreen and she never had a big “oh we are FIGHTING fighting” moment with Alicent until the last shot of the finale?

I didnt really like that she didn’t do anything because it weakens the argument the show itself is definitely making that rhaenyra should be the king. like they give us plenty of reasons to understand why Aegon would be TERRIBLE but pretty much nothing as to how Rhaenyra would actually do a good job. We don’t even know why she really wants the throne other than she thinks she deserves it because her dad told her so. 

I think it would’ve been more interesting to see Rhaenyra be a whole lot meaner, and have some kind of weakness for power in terms of at least WANTING it if we are doing toxic lesbian divorce Rhaenyra needs to be also more toxic!!! i’m not sure if this opinion is going to get me sent to pitting women against each other jail so I’ll see all of you in court. 

[erinptah]

I’ve recently been reading your Cover of Knight series on ao3 (love it by the way) and am really curious on any (non-spoiler) thoughts you might have on if Khonshu knows about the Inner Child? When reading, I didn’t get the feeling that he was aware of Gus until the suit-alter showed up? So maybe he doesn’t have as good a read on the system’s mind as one might assume.

Also, what might his reaction be if he meets the Inner Child (I read somewhere that he is a protector of children I think? so I’m hoping that he’d be protective and nicer than he initially was to the others)—that is if Marc and the others LET him meet her anyway.

I do have thoughts, yes! General ones, even, so they're not inherently Cover of Knight spoilers.

Khonshu can definitely perceive more about the system's mind than the average non-psychic human. But I figure he only looks deeply enough to see the "top level." When Marc showed up in his temple, Khonshu poked around enough to determine that he was "fractured" and that somebody else was in there, but didn't pry out a complete roster of headmates.

Between then and the Ammit conflict, Steven and Jake both fronted regularly enough that Khonshu had a chance to think "huh, my Avatar seems different right now, gonna take a closer look and see if this is someone new."

Any headmates who only fronted for short periods, and didn't do anything unusual enough to get Khonshu's attention, he wouldn't know about. (CoK Gus is in this category.)

Anyone who never fronted at all, he definitely wouldn't know about.

OG mythological Khonsu is associated with children, yes! His human form is portrayed as a child, and fun fact, the first "physical form of Khonshu" we saw in Marvel was kid-shaped:

So, here's some possible fic versions of MCU Khonshu meeting Inner Child:

Khonshu is protective and nice! Marc + Steven + Jake are prepared for it to go badly, then no, it's genuinely sweet and heartwarming all around. Everyone is gobsmacked

Khonshu tries to be his usual manipulative negging self. Marc + Steven + Jake immediately circle the wagons with "what the hell, you are thousands of years old and you're bullying a child, step off and think about your life choices." Bonus: Marc has a moment of "well of course we shouldn't leave her alone to get picked on, little kids don't deserve that, no adult has a good excuse in the first place to -- ohh"

Khonshu tries to be mean...but Inner Child is meaner. Because she's a middle-school girl, and nobody can be more terrifying than a middle-school girl. The guys are so proud

Khonshu responds by switching to his own middle-school form. Him and Inner Child start bonding. The guys quietly panic over "wait, was Khonshu always the equivalent of a human 12-year-old?? because...that explains a lot actually"

[rweoutofthewoods]

Serious question not hating, I have been reading ur jegulus stories since foreverrrr and I have noticed that in the newer stories James is becoming this major loser who’s like about to cry and panic every five seconds and I was wondering if this is just like what James is now in general? because I read this other story (fbi agent smth killer Regulus smth) where Sirius smacks him for dating Regulus in front of people James starts crying LOL is this who James is now? Just someone who gets tussled around? is there a reason why he’s begin written like this? I’m not talking about “ men don’t cry” but more of a “why is he so spineless and pathetic now” idk it feels like James character in general is kinda of an empty vessel a lot of the time, in a lot of fics he’s this go happy go luck guy with god like spinelessness that is amusing to read like in “young blood” where even tho he’s supposed to be “bad” and in juvie he’s still not cool ? Or baddie? he’s just George Costanza like when Regulus goes “failed suicide attempt// you’re a liar” and James just wants to throw up and is having a nervous breakdown, In general it’s like Regulus is this major badass with an attitude and cutting words while James twirls his fingers nervously waiting for him to come home aka prey. Please please tell me your thoughts and don’t take this as hate I’m a big fan of your work

Hmmm I can see your point but I’m going to kindly disagree. Firstly, I’m not sure James and badass have ever been totally synonymous when it comes to his character. Like he is not weak whatsoever, but reg was always the one who was meaner, sharper, out getting himself killed to get the horcrux, so on. And honestly I think my James can be a bit mean and sharper than a lot of characterizations? I find it a bit funny actually because you can never please everyone, I’ve been told I make my James TOO mean.

I don’t believe my James has changed much at all. Look at anti-hero the first jegulus I ever wrote, and think about all the times James was a wreck in that too. His character only changes for plot reasons and to further a story. Also mind you, literature is more complex than just the words on the page. I had to deal with this when I wrote ppp too, that people didn’t fully understand that limited POV is LIMITED!! And a limited POV means that just because the character thinks of themselves a certain way doesn’t mean they’re seeing reality. They only know what it’s like in their own head. Also, my regulus has always been a mess too. That boy hates himself and has his fair share of breakdowns.

3 points:

1. Prey is a WIP with like 30k words or something? In fact we haven’t even seen as much of James yet, and I thought it was clear that Reg is the one out being badass because he’s free to since everyone thinks he’s dead. Voldemort tried to kill James and Harry and I’ve said that James’ Order duties are limited because he has a target on his back.

2. Youngblood James is extremely traumatized? Trauma and having a panic attack does not equal weak or spineless. Him freaking out in a stressful situation does not make him any less capable. PLUS limited POV!! We haven’t gotten to Regulus’ parts yet, and seeing James through Reg’s eyes, he’ll look different than James sees himself.

3. I have a lot of current works that I don’t think fall under the category you’re placing them under. I don’t expect you or anyone to have read them all, but Save Your Soul James is prob more of the badass James you’re looking for. Eoitv James is a bit of a bitch who gives as good as he gets. James was probably TOO mean in wck, and antipathy which I didn’t write that long ago. So let’s not make generalizations.

Anyway I can’t and won’t speak on anyone else’s choices or characterizations, but a character is not an easy thing to fully grasp when you’re writing them. Idk if you write yourself, but mind you a lot of jeggy authors are young or teenagers and deserve all the love and support as they grow and write however they want. Ofc as a more traumatized James characterization becomes more popular sometimes we’ll swing from one extreme to another.

I saw your second ask and I know you mean well and aren’t trying to seem rude, don’t worry. so I send you nothing but love.

However I love all u guys so much but I feel like every month or so I find myself having to back up and explain my writing or choices. And I hope I don’t sound like a conceited bitch, but I do know I’m decent at writing. Like I’m really good at understanding every single choice I make, ESP when it comes to characterizations. That’s always been my strength. I always know exactly what I’m doing and even if not everyone agrees with it, I can and will back up every choice I make in a fic because a lot of thought goes into every word. It is a little frustrating to often feel like I need to explain myself.

(Sorry last note I’m editing in to add: I’m the author and that means I’m in control, which means that for all the countless hours and all nighters I’ve spent writing, it is my right to write however and whatever I want. And it’s totally ok if you disagree with my characterization!! That’s your right too! but I can’t and won’t shape him to every person’s wants and whims. He’s my James and he belongs to me. Sorry I hope this doesn’t come off as harsh, I have no animosity I promise and I’m not trying to be, I know I come off as brash sometimes and I never mean it that way.)

But I know u don’t mean badly, and that’s not directly at you. Much love and happy Friday xx

[letitiaslabyrinth]

SOMETHING NEW

warnings: shuri x plus size!y/n, angst, insecurities, Shuri's toxic, relationship issues, toxic relationshis, body image issues, attachment issues, riri x y/n, riri treats y/n so much better, comfort (just a lil) word count: a lil over 1k I think pairing: Riri x y/n A/N: this is 100% just me projecting but we not gon talk bout that. also I didn't proofread this so ignore the mistakes if you find any

You wake up in you and Shuri's place in Wakanda. You look over and Shuri's not there. You brush it off and get up to start your morning. It's not like this is the first time she's left without saying anything beforehand. You deserve an explanation at least but you knew you wouldn't be able to get one out of her when she reached without an argument taking place.

You go into your shared bathroom and start brushing your teeth when you hear the front door open and slam shut.

She doesn't call for you when she steps inside.

You come out the bathroom and go to the living room. "Morning." You say, staring at Shuri with your arms crossed.

Shuri notices your stance and huffs. She's annoyed. "Morning."

You stand there for another minute or two before deciding that since she wouldn't address her absence then you would. "So, we're not gonna talk about the fact that you just up and left, again, this morning?"

Shuri shrugs and sits down on the couch. "What sense does it make? You ask, I ignore you and the cycle repeats? No thanks."

"Why can't you communicate with me?"

"For Bast's sake, y/n." Shuri groans and rolls her eyes. "Here you go, again."

"Oh, I'm sorry for actually giving a fuck about where my girlfriend is? I'm sorry that I'm not like the other bitches you've been who are okay with you just up and disappearing early in the morning without even saying anything. It's not my fault that you have fucking communication issues and can't have a conversation with me without it turning into a fight."

Shuri stands up and looks at you. "See, that's the thing, y/n, you wouldn't know what it's like to be with somebody else since I'm the first person you've been with. You barely understand how relationships even work and I actually sympathize with that because who in their right fucking mind would wanna date you of all people," She keeps going, her voice getting harsher and meaner, "You are so fucking insecure about our relationship and your body and it's tiring having to reassure you every fucking day. You are so fucking boring, any girl who says that she's interested in you, beyond just fucking you, is full of shit. You're too fucking attached to me—you act like we're supposed to be joined at the hip just because we're dating. You act like I have to tell you everything and everywhere I go just because we're dating and honestly? I'm sick of it—I'm sick of you, I'm sick of having to explain myself to you because I don't. I don't have to say shit to you or do shit to you just because you think I do-"

"Fuck you, Shuri." You say, cutting her off and quickly wipe the tears that fell from your eyes. You don't listen to anything else she has to say, even when she's following you into your formally shared bedroom while you pack your things. This isn't the first time you've left but you were gonna make sure it was gonna be the last. You couldn't deal with her constant degrading and acting like the two of you weren't dating just because she's the princess of Wakanda.

"Awe, the big baby's gonna leave again? Her laugh was mocking. "You gon come back soon enough."

But you didn't.

Once your shit was packed you left for good. You didn't call Shuri again, you didn't try to reach out to her, you made sure to leave her and your relationship in the past. She got the hint after the first two weeks of your separation and eventually stopped calling.

It had been months now and in all honesty? You were glad you left Shuri when you did. You were happy that you didn't have to deal with her any more but the memories still hurt.

Riri treats you better. She doesn't make you feel bad about anything you do or anything you don't. She actually makes you feel loved, which you never thought you could actually feel again seeing as how your last relationship went.

"Mama?“ Riri says softly, shaking you out of your thoughts. She looks at you with worry in her eyes and wipes away the tears you didn't even feel falling.

You put your hand on hers and lean into her. You close your eyes and let her touch settle you. "I'm okay, ri." You open your eyes, smiling. "I'm good."

Riri kisses you on the forehead and leaves her lips there for an extra two seconds before sitting back down to look you in your eyes. "You wanna talk about it?"

Your breath freezes in your lungs. You shake your head, tears forming in your eyes. Your voice breaks as you speak, "No."

Riri brings you into a hug. She whispers comforting words in your ear to try and calm you down.

Your mind just keeps racing about the amount of crap you let Shuri put on you, the amount of hate, the amount of empty promises, and no communication. You let yourself go through that. You were never strong enough to deal with her—she always had countermeasures to whatever you said or did and it was exhausting. And you wonder why you let yourself go through that, why you didn't leave sooner. You blame yourself for her actions. You know you shouldn't but you do.

As if on cue, Riri whispers to you, "Nothing that happened to you in the past was your fault, y/n. She shouldn't have treated you like that."

"I should've left sooner." You mumble into her shirt.

Riri shakes her head. "No. No, you left when you felt you could. You did good, okay? You hear me, y/n? You did good. You stood up for yourself and you made sure to get that hell out of there. And you were strong enough to get into another relationship, mama. That takes a lot for some people."

You stay quiet and let Riri's voice wash over you. It's comforting and you fall asleep in her arms. You know you're safe. You know she's gonna take care of you the way Shuri never did.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM SURVIVOR *  assorted dialogue from the tv show, adjust as necessary

now would be the time to do so.

the tribe has spoken.

it grew legs and walked off.

you guys are quitters.

i will always wave my finger in your face.

no, go ahead. you have to say something bad about me.

making love's my sport.

i actually hate kids.

i brought my bag of tricks with me tonight.

you're garbage at rapping. you can't rap. you have no bars.

you mumbled "here we go again."

is there any way i could have your jacket?

last time i was mean. this time, i'm meaner.

i don't need a souvenir, so.

don't get booty blinded.

when it comes down to it, we don't mix. we're like chicken parm and tuna fish.

you need to get in the ocean and wash your ass.

i can get loud too! what the fuck!

i ain't finished playing just yet.

do you belong out here?

my scenario isn't really much different than yours.

i don't have a shitty apartment.

i'm against you.

you understand that better?

not to split hairs, but that's a very big difference.

i'd take my clothes off for chocolate and peanut butter.

i say, stick to the plan.

it's kinda like why elephants can't run up trees.

i ate fifty-eight chicken nuggets in five minutes.

it's that kind of cocky attitude that makes people really hate your guts.

i want to throw up.

i love seeing people cry when you crush their dreams.

my grandmother is sitting at home, watching jerry springer right now.

i'm sorry. i don't talk llama.

i don't wanna be that person. i'm tired of being hated by everybody.

i'll wear a tiara. a man tiara. do they make those?

i'm just trying to explain my side so it doesn't look like i was the mastermind behind it.

i don't think you stand a chance.

you don't deserve it because you suck at life.

we're gonna do something a little different.

it doesn't really surprise me.

you're the schemer here. i'm on to you.

i don't think you're smart enough to do it.

you have made my life hell from day one.

it's a fucking stick!

he's a snake and he lies, but he also tells the truth too.

i was watching treasure island.

i'm confused. what are you laughing at?

honestly... i'm in awe.

i'm the biggest bitch on the planet.

i need somebody who can pee on my hand.

i'll lie. i don't care. i'll make up a good lie.

choose a number between one and ten.

do you know what a reuben sandwich is, [name]?

i may be a lot of things, but i ain't no hershey bar.

you're a very openly arrogant, pompous human being.

your inability to admit your failures without going into a whiny speech makes you a bit of a loser.

you lied to me.

what goes around comes around.

i can't wait to meet this guy.

he's a stupid ass.

stupid people. let me just say that again - stupid people.

did you get the letter?

i hope you guys all get bit by a freaking crocodile.

i'm not a very openly nice person.

i was your friend at the beginning of this.

i just think it's an interesting comment, coming from you.

is that part of the problem?

i will explain this to you.

i'm gonna burn his hat.

are you with me or against me?

[maxellminidisc]

I've said this for years but the way the community absolutely has an undiscussed dislike or idk disregard for closeted people has bothered me for years. Yeah theres that sheen of being understanding but I've seen and had to have so many conversations with people to have more empathy for closeted people, especially closeted partners because I understand full well how complicated that is. Btw I'll be using gay as an umbrella term for most of the following cause I'm sometimes uncomfortable with using the q word too much, please respect that.

Like it got especially bad after gay marriage became legal here in the US and most of Western Europe and like every mostly white gay living in liberal areas started acting like everyone should be out already and if you weren't you were idk probably ashamed of yourself, or worse someone faking it. You become some kind of half baked gay person who their behavior implied couldn't possibly connect to queerness in the right way.

But like it doesn't work like that. Some of us very much live in unsafe places to do that and we also don't have the financial privilege to leave to safer states/countries or move out of homophobic/transphobic households. I can't imagine especially how disabled and closeted members of our community feel trapped by these kind of circumstances.

Plus some of us live in cultures where the emphasis on family and community is an essential tenant of our makeup and learning to separate ourselves from the abuse present in those communities towards us is difficult, much like any abusive relationship. There is so much nuance, especially outside the lense of whiteness, that out people sometimes seem to forget or even dismiss instead of helping to foster relationships or community to help the people in their lives who are closeted find refuge safely.

And it really comes to a head when out people I know date closeted people. They seem understanding enough at first but then start questioning if the person they're dating "actually really loves" them if they're not willing to out themselves and the conversation can at time turn progressively meaner as if closeted people are all inheritly selfish. Yes it is a romantic notion for someone to risk everything to be openly with you, and its something frankly all of us deserve including closeted people, but life is far more dangerous and complex than that and I think some people have forgotten that.

And look, I even empathize with open people in that kind of circumstance cause yeah the pressure of having to keep something that incredibly special to you under wraps can be very daunting. But often I've found, most open people have a chosen community to fall back on and talk about it with because they're not as inhibited or cut off from the larger, while closeted people often dont have anyone except their partner because being closeted has severed most pathways of finding the community. Their partners are usually their first connection to the community.

I even sometimes think this sort of mind set extends into how white people perceive gay poc as inherently closeted too. We're either not open enough or being closeted is weaponized against us. Like we could be out and white people still presume we're not and act like were straight lite and we could talk about how we're closeted and white people, again, think it's ok to treat us like straight lite. This is especially evident when we say something that makes them uncomfortable and angry. Like the only time they take cultural nuance into account is to use it to dismiss us, as if all of us must be in hiding and cant be as gay as them.

Point is, being closeted is complicated and frankly miserable as someone whose got one foot in and one out lol and although some peoples only space to be open is online, it doesnt makes them fake, doesnt make them less gay or trans, or less part of this community. It doesnt make them less worthy or deserving of love and community despite their circumstances.

[thebdsmsofurlife]

Be My Chubby Submissive Cunt [Mf, roleplay, d/s, online, very meta, cnc, dirty talk, breeding, bbw, humiliation]

​When you saw my posts they were such a turn on. A nasty, but eloquent dom who was obviously into big girls, and knew how to put them in their place. You rubbed your needy cunt to my words and images more than once, imaging faceless men using you as their cocksleeve, making you their slave.

Eventually you were brave enough, or horny enough, to contact me. So meek with need to be taken in hand. Pussy gushing to think your need to be dominated had led you to expose yourself to this stranger. So humiliating the way I commented on your curves. The compliments made you blush, but mixed with such mean words and nasty threats.

We talked of many things, limits and safe words and fetishes and life. The actual sex chat was hot, you would come back and reread bits while you rubbed your pussy, lingering over the nasty names.. Fat Cunt, Cocksleeve, Cumslut.. it made you tingle to hear what you are. But something was missing. It was too restrained.

Finally, you felt like you had to say it. Please… Rape me master.. I need it so bad..

Immediately my tone changed, meaner and more demanding. Oh the stories you shared, of me breaking into your place, drunk and angry, demanding your holes and beating you when you resisted. Making you choke on my cock and cum. Forcing you to spread your holes open as you begged not to be raped, how it only made me harder. How I pinned you down and made you take every inch again and again, laughing at your tears. Telling you why you deserved this for being such a slutty fat cunt. Slapping your udders till you confessed how much it turns you on. On and on the abuse went until the final indignity: forcing you to beg me to breed you like a bitch. You came so hard as I promised to force my rape baby into you without a care. Leaving you leaking my load on the floor, used and owned completely.

[yuikomorii]

Who in DL do you think needs better routes?

// ✨Everyone✨

This is merely my opinion but while DL got some really enjoyable moments, no route was above average. I suppose this is my way of thinking because I've been through so many otome games that my standards have become waaaay too high. I don't just mean it because of the love interests, since I can think of over 10 games with LIs meaner than the Diaboys were in HDB/MB, but I feel like no route has anything that good to it and they're frequently flawed and poorly balanced.

The development feels way too many times really forced or it barely lasts. I mean, there are some characters who truly seem to have evolved throughout the route but in the last chapters or good endings, their development proves to be completely useless or even worse: it gets erased, which is really sad.

Another thing I’m not particularly fond of is how they turned Yui, in the later games, more into an emotional support rather than the heroine of the story because there are several routes where she’s written to be of no great use and it makes no sense since she’s supposed to be the MC?? I do understand that the love interests need to get the spotlight but the heroine has to be just as active as them. ://

I dislike how some routes attempt to redeem Karlheinz. We already know the reasons behind his actions, and he feels no remorse for those he has harmed, so he does not deserve to be portrayed positively.

DL is already messed up as it is but toxic forgiveness is often portrayed as a sign of kindness, although it’s actually creepy and when it comes to the Diaboys, that’s heavy on Ayato. I understand forgiving someone for yourself because YOU don’t want to hold any sort of grudge or hate in your heart (like Laito did in DF) but forgiving someone after they treated you extremely badly AND still caring for them or being written to befriend them afterwards, is way over the top and if you know such people irl, please check on them because they’re not okay.

The endings are getting so poorly written and I don’t get why. HDB and MB had some unexpected and genuinely interesting endings, but they became less impactful later on, and I swear, some Diaboys have the same endings as others, just slightly modified.

I'm not trying to sound ungrateful because I still love DL; after all, I'm part of this fandom; it's just that I wish the writers would put a little more effort into the routes. I understand how difficult it is to write for 13 different characters, but there are more writers, each with their own ideas, and it is also their job so expecting the Diaboys to get good routes is actually understandable.

[itsjaywalkers]

Ok I’m curious af so rank your jegulus’s from most kinky to least kinky. If you would like to include examples they are more than welcome but not necessary.

Thank you for your time,

Kink Nonnie

THIS ONE IS SOOOO FUN i'm always down to talk about kink especially if it's related to jeggy <333 and since most of my wips haven't been posted yet i don't wanna give too many examples bc . spoilers . but i can share a few things ofc!! here we go <3

boxer au jeggy. god they're always at the top this is starting to get emabrrassing but it's true !! it's my filthiest james without a doubt and reg is also quite the menace in this one. we're talking exhibitionism vouyeurism edging overstimulation dom/sub dynamics spanking slapping etc etc. james gets aggressive and possessive and reg turns into putty in his hands BUT they also switch and reg absolutely fucks the cockiness out of james until he's a crying writhing mess. but yeah they have no shame and they'd try everything under the sun. also if one of my jeggys had a pissing kink, it'd be them 100%

feeling good jeggy. new entrance!! the 2nd place used to belong to oby BUT i've been . outlining a bit more of this fic and had a few realisations. we're talking corruption kink virginity kink spit kink a bit of exhibitionism and possibly some cnc too!! this james may not be as filthy (sexually wise) as boxer au james buuuuuut he's meaner and a shittier person and he's only here to seduce regulus and steal all his money (at first) so he pulls all the stops <3 they're quite wild and this reg begins as my most "innocent" inexperienced one and ends up becoming . well . something else entirely

oby jeggy. my beloveds <3 we already know most of their kinks by heart, and even though all of my james have some level of oral fixation, oby james wins!! he can come just by eating reg out and he's happy whenever he gets him to sit on his face. they almost never do it in a bed like normal people, or even in either of their flats. the riskier the place, the better, and they're gonna end up traumatising someone at this rate. also <3 kings of the daddy kink <3 i think fucked up road trip jeggy have it too, and probably also boxer au jeggy but they're the blueprint!! especially bc it wasn't even planned in the first place

nothing happens jeggy. they used to be a bit lower but i've realised a few things about them too lately.. their dirty talking goes HARD because nh james needs urgent psychological help (reg too tbh) and he gets very cruel and degrading sometimes. they also have a severe breeding kink and . kinda a cheating kink like . it doesn't start that way but at a certain point i think they find it very hot, the fact that the other is always gonna cheat for them!! or at least reg does, bc we all know james takes a while to realise what he's been doing it's actual cheating. there's also a scene in which james forces reg to call his bf at the time while he's fucking him................... Yeah

fucked up road trip fic jeggy. they're quite kinky but since they're in a life or death situation and surrounded by quite a few ppl and getting some time alone is very difficult . they can never get as kinky as they could in different circumstances yk? they do have a daddy kink and there's quite the age gap!! also the fact that james is married and his son is only like . 5 years younger than reg . which is definitely Something . also the desperation whenever they fuck is at a whole other level bc they come close to dying a few times (and they might actually die at the end of the story.......... i'm still debating it tbh). and also they make out/have actual sex in very vulnerable moments or after someone else has been killed or tortured which is lowkey questionable so

making ghosts jeggy. again at the end </3 my poor babies they deserve better.. nah but seriously this place is mostly due to the fact that it’s my softest story and not as explicit or sex heavy as some of my other stories!! this is my most submissive james without a doubt tho and there’s a lot of begging and teasing and trying to keep quiet when they fuck behind closed door bc they keep their relationship secret for . a While . there’s this scene of sirius talking to james through his bedroom door and very confused bc james won’t let him in while reg is sucking james off on the other side.. so yeah very kinky still <3

[atopvisenyashill]

since falling into my hotd brainrot ive been reminded of one of my gripes which is this misunderstanding that daenerys lived in "abject poverty" (to use the language from an ask you got not that long ago) before her introduction and this is just... not true?

That was when they lived in Braavos, in the big house with the red door. Dany had her own room there, with a lemon tree outside her window. After Ser Willem had died, the servants had stolen what little money they had left, and soon after they had been put out of the big house. Dany had cried when the red door closed behind them forever."

people living in abject poverty don't have access to servants or their own rooms. does this mean their time here would equal the upbringing viserys and daenerys would have had in the red keep? absolutely not. for one thing, daenerys wasn't tutored by a maester or septa which is pretty standard for most noble children of a similar standing, let alone a princess.

They had wandered since then, from Braavos to Myr, from Myr to Tyrosh, and on to Qohor and Volantis and Lys, never staying long in any one place. Her brother would not allow it. The Usurper's hired knives were close behind them, he insisted, though Dany had never seen one.

they would have needed coin for those ships.

At first the magisters and archons and merchant princes were pleased to welcome the last Targaryens to their homes and tables, but as the years passed and the Usurper continued to sit upon the Iron Throne, doors closed and their lives grew meaner. Years past they had been forced to sell their last few treasures, and now even the coin they had gotten from Mother's crown had gone. 

what happened with ser willem was absolutely terrible but this idea that daenerys and viserys were living on the streets is inaccurate when their targaryen name is what allowed them to live with the likes of magisters and merchant princes. nor was this something that happened overnight, as indicated by the "years past". they also had "treasures" (meaning jewels) which again no person living in abject poverty would have. those treasures were a lifeline for them but it was a lifeline that a character like nettles never has.

Her brother Viserys had once feasted the captains of the Golden Company, in hopes they might take up his cause. They ate his food and heard his pleas and laughed at him. Dany had only been a little girl, but she remembered. "I have sellswords too."

people living in abject poverty don't feast captains.

it just irks me because when you compare it to the details of nettles' life, it feels wrong to me to believe that both these girls lived in abject poverty. that was nettles. that being said though, that doesn't mean daenerys had an easy time living in exile with viserys. he was a monster to her and she deserves sympathy for that. but while daenerys and nettles' upbringings were similarly tragic (orphaned etc), they were still worlds apart in their differing levels of privilege. it also irks me when they try to use this to compare daenerys to sansa (funny how its often just sansa and not the other starks)

yeah those are all definitely good points. as you say, I don't want to discount that Daenerys had an incredibly stressful childhood (to say the least), much more stressful than The Average Noble by far because she and viserys were actively thinking about and worrying over where their next meal will come from, how to keep a roof over their heads, and they aren't learning jack shit because they don't have a maester, a guardian, a parent, or a single person in all of Essos looking out for them. but it's also like. first of all, we have two canon characters that actually do experience real poverty, the first being davos though he doesn't experience it on page and the second being arya - she's actively avoiding capitalizing on the stark name so she's actually living the life someone who is born poor would live.

and one thing about dany's life - which i've touched on before re: noble girls getting sold in marriages in what a previous anon referred to as slavery - but her last name and the class she was born into if not the class she lived in cannot be disentangled from the life she lived. i pointed it out there that for example, if poor jeyne poole found some dragon eggs in the crypts, used ramsay's dead body to hatch them, and started burning shit down, she's just not amassing the sort of following dany would because she doesn't have the name. and you can see that directly with Nettles, as you point out - despite everyone seeing clearly that Nettles manages to claim Sheepstealer, has a strong bond with her dragon, because she's lowborn and Not White (and not even an acceptable Not White, like dornish, but some ~random brown girl~ from nowhere with no claim to any specific heritage in canon) she's still seen as a temptress, a whore, a witch, all because she claimed a dragon and had some old married dude following her around. dany and viserys regularly trade away their jewels, hype up their titles and heritage, in an attempt to gain basic necessities and this is certainly a marked difference from the way other nobles have lived and important but arya, gendry, hot pie, lommy - they don't get that. lommy just gets killed. and he's not even running his mouth the way viserys is in vaes dothrak. he's just a dumb kid whose leg is broken and asks to be carried and he's murdered for it. hot pie is a normal ass kid who has to learn how to defend himself because it's literally life or death while dany regularly has some sort of guard protecting her.

and again - it's not to say dany doesn't experience a lot of trauma and instability that other nobles will never face that gives her an understanding of violence and war that others don't have. but just like you can't say she was truly "sold" as a slave to drogo because her class is tied to the concept of these nobly born child brides, it's not exactly true that she lives in abject poverty either. it's something a lot more complex than that.