#i think they should have phones in bg3

[anonymouscreampuff]

this is durgetash to me

[chimimon]

What Gave Me Away?

Astarion x f!Reader

Word Count 9.5k

Disclaimer! What you are about to read contains the following: GAMEPLAY SPOILERS! & ROMANCING ASTARION SPOILERS! Mentions of canonical violence, Astarion POV, angst, with comfort (it ends nice I promise), slow burn, depictions of anxiety, depression, anger, insecurity, guilt, manipulation, blood drinking (of course), and it’s long as fuuuuuuu

& what I have to say is… As it turned out, I had played all of Act 2 out of order, and stopped doing that before I did some irreversible damage to my Moonrise Tower to-do list. Which means when I began to write this fic EVERYTHING WAS OUT OF ORDER. It still might be but idgaf anymore. Even the mf confession scene (I WIN! I WIN AND I DIDN’T EVEN TRY TO CHARM THAT VAMPIRE MF) I was sitting in my room, phone on my chest, Baldurs Gate in my hands googling ‘what to do before moonrise’, ‘moonrise or mausoleum first in bg3’, because I explored much more than I should have, apparently… So this fic has been Frankenstein-ed to death, and the word count has greatly exceeded my expectations. It’s kind of my baby so be nice and give it a little love if you like it… or don’t! I appreciate you either way. And Special thanks to E.P. for the prompt and her friend in SoCal because I was about to screw myself OVEEERRR!

Everything seemed bleak on the way to the Light Inn. Nothing magical or charming about the glowing mushrooms anymore and the air felt as thick as water. Astarion faithfully trudged behind you through the mud, uneven trails, and hostile shadowy figures. But sometimes you would squint at the marker on the map or linger a little longer than you should have. He would watch you squeeze your right hand with your left as you studied the hastily blotted spot, then you would trace the drawn pathway with your left hand while the right one would cover and squeeze your mouth. Beyond scenery, and new objectives, everyone was adapting. They had to; he had to. But you were changing faster than others, faster than him, and much faster than he could keep track of. 

Astarion felt like he was watching you disappear, or feeling you slip out of his hands the way blood from deep wounds squeezed between desperately closed fingers. From kind traveler, comforter, and hopefully hopeless leader, you burned with a desire to be it all. In front of other wandering bodies, the mere strangers swimming through the Underdark, Astarion watched you hold this fire with outstretched, kerosene-soaked hands, just to give someone else light. You might never see these people again, but you did it anyways, even if all it did was burn. Whether it be fighting at some poor soul's side or offering words of comfort, once the rescuee turned to leave Astarion watched to see whatever leftover flame danced in your palms. Some nights he couldn’t even call it that despite you cradling it close to your chest. 

Often times Astarion thought of taking over your dealings even if it meant they’d get a little lost in his blind, apathetic advice. He knew that you were the most levelheaded person to lead but gods you started to look as lost as he already felt. The Inn was just a bridge away, before it was it was a group of protective Harpers away. Before anyone could find a place to lay their heads Astarion felt his patience thin when having to save Isobel was thrown into the mix. But you fought fearlessly. Always saving people without a second to spare, or a second to think. 

Lately, Astarion wondered just where you had been all these years. 

“If possible,” you spoke in soft whispers to Jaheira about your accommodations. “Could I have a single room for tonight? I-I can pay I just-” 

With a quick hand over yours and a warm smile, Jaheira reassured you that after keeping their Selûne Warrior safe, the least she could do was let you have a room to yourself. “It has two beds, but you can push them together for one big one.” You nodded and thanked her with a long breath out. 

Astarion for a moment pretended to be looking at a patron nearby as you walked toward him. But he couldn’t help trying to keep you in scene before you could arrive. Trying to read your shoulders, eyes brows and hands. Truthfully Astarion was looking for something soft in your inventory; he wondered if tonight you might have anything to spare. 

“If you’re hungry,” your worn out, dim voice and all-knowing watch cut in. “You can feed on me tonight if you’d like.” 

“I was just so hoping you’d ask. But are you really looking for alone time?” Giving you a tilted head and lopsided glance was enough to tell him where he stood. “Or are you looking for alone time with me, darling?” 

“I was going to pretend you weren’t obviously eavesdropping, but you’d love that wouldn’t you?” You were warm enough to keep up with a quirked a brow and an equally lazy grin. “After today I feel like everyone can smell me from outside the Inn. So, until I can shower... I don’t even want to think about doing anything other than sleeping in a bed.” 

“I’m sure you don’t.” He whisked behind you and whispered, “But if change your mind, at least think of me.” 

“Aha, I’ll be seeing you later,” the back of your hand smacked your forehead as though you were swooning. “Tonight.” 

A small guilt tugged at his chest before you nodded off and up the stairs. Astarion would lounge around in the waiting area while Karlach gushed over Jaheira from afar. Shadowheart walked alongside her to study the Inn with wholehearted skepticism. Audibly muttering her thoughts about the moon maiden, the area as a whole, and how Shar’s worshippers must have had their reasons. She broke away from Karlach and headed to Astarion with her eyes stuck to Jaheira. “We should probably get to our room them?” 

“Right.” 

On cue, Karlach caught them both headed up the stairs and followed. She waved to Jaheira, still gushing. “Gods isn’t this exciting- oh, hey? Where’d our little leader go?” Karlach asked upon arrival. 

“She might’ve beat us to bed.” Shadowheart smiled. “I wouldn’t blame her if she’s fast asleep, she’s earned it.” 

Astarion thought about letting them know about your requested ‘alone time’ but figured you would come around to telling them after they find you. 

Little drops of drying water decorated the wooden floor in a trail that led down the stairs. Astarion followed the trail with his eyes alongside Karlach who noticed it too. “Wait, Shadowheart,” she called. 

None of them had noticed you pass by with freshly washed hair and a towel around your shoulders.  They all backtracked down the staircase, Karlach stood near a game of chess, Shadowheart by the banister, and Astarion some feet behind you while you knelt in front of a hairless cat. You seemed more at ease tonight. 

“Hello, your highness.” You let your hand keep you steady on the ground as you spoke. “I’ve come to admire your beauty.” The cat sat tall and proud, lifting his head so you can awe at his hairless self. “And what a beautiful cat indeed.” You cooed without reaching to touch the animal. 

The cat nodded and swiftly made its way over to its bed, dismissing you with its whole, hairless body. You stood up, stretched your arms above your head before catching the group lounging nearby. Nothing was said as you politely waved to everyone before turning your attention to a man and child playing chess. 

From behind you couldn’t tell just then who you were looking at but as you rounded the table to get a good view of the game, Raphael and Mol, the Tiefling child who spoke on everyone's behalf earlier, seemed to be in a heated match. Raphael was going to win despite giving Mol pointers. If anything, his pointers were just to remind Mol that she was going to lose no matter the move. 

The child's pouting seemed to give you an idea. You took a drawn-out stretch being sure to overextend your arms and back. Astarion knew exactly what you were doing before you ‘lost your balance’ and knocked into the board. The pieces tipped and rolled in every direction and Raphael shot a knowing look at you, only turning back to the board after his opponent had pieced it back together. 

“Well, go on, Mol.” The devil muttered. 

With one move Mol won the game and shot up from their seat. “Well, that settles it. Fair and square!” They exclaimed proudly. 

“Sure, fair and square.” Raphael nodded up to you. “But before you go,” Mol looked over her shoulder. “Think about my offer.” 

Up and away she went while Raphael turned to his leftover audience. “Fancy seeing you all here, and so far away from the sun.” 

“I didn’t know you struck up deals with children.” Your tone surprised Astarion. 

“Don’t you worry, it’s only a necessary evil. She’ll come around to the only option she has,” Raphael expectantly looked past you to Astarion. “But I have a feeling your little friend has a question they want to ask me.” 

“I do,” Astarion’s eye contact wavered. “I have a proposal.” Raphael mocked him before mentioning something about his how drinking blood would burn more than whiskey. “This is serious business, devil.” Astarion hardened his voice as he explained the runes. From the corner of his eye, he watched you stiffly fold your arms and size Raphael up with a glare. Astarion felt some comfort in that. “I want to know if it’s maybe a contract...” 

“Well, what could it be?” Raphael melodically taunted. “A lover letter, a deed, a contract?” He waved his hand in front of Astarion’s face like he was introducing the opening act in a play. “But I need time to think. I will have to get back to you on that.” 

Astarion whined, reiterating just how serious this was to him before asking, “Just how soon will you get back to me on that?” 

“Soon.” 

At some point you fidgeted with the fabric of the towel around your neck before steadily pulling it to one side of your shoulder. “Don’t worry,” the devil reassured both of you, “I am most inclined to help.” With dramatic flair, Raphael disappeared in a quick plume of smoke. 

All eyes but yours turned to Astarion, and Astarion with his on you. It was clear that Raphael’s attitude had rubbed you the wrong way as you blankly stared at the spot he vanished from. “I’ll get back to you on that.” you mumbled. Your damp hair had soaked into the neck of your top. The towel dangled in your balled fist at your hip. The cool breeze sent shivers up your neck before you put the cloth back onto shoulders. After another moment of thinking, you turned around to head to your room. 

“Darling?” Despite it being barely audible, his voice seemed to reach you anyway as he caught your subtle hesitation before decidedly going on your way. 

Karlach and Shadowheart both began to say something but in vain as you were so lost in thought still that you couldn’t hear. They turned their attention to Astarion who intently watched you. “Is something going on between you two?” 

“What?” Astarion snapped his head to Karlach. 

“Sorry.” She snorted. “It could’ve been Raphael but she just seems way more tired than usual.” 

“Well, we are in the Underdark, Karlach.” He said obviously. “It’s dark down here, and I’m sure that the dark makes most normal people tired.” 

“Don’t be rude Astarion.” Shadowheart butt in. “Are you sure that feeding on her every night wouldn’t be a contributing factor along with ‘the dark’?” 

“Haven’t you been healing her up every morning?” 

“I have not. Not since we’ve been down here.” Karlach watched in awe between the stairs and then to two bantering at the bottom. “So, if you’ve been feeding on her still, well... She hasn’t had any of her usual morning chats with me.” Shadowheart finished. 

Karlach watched as Astarion’s eyes round in realization. The guilt grew, pushing his stomach up into his neck. “Oh Fangs, you didn’t know. It’s okay, I think.” 

“Is it, Karlach?” Shadowheart interjected, shooting a venomous glare at the ill looking vampire. “It started with a dagger to her neck, which she forgave. Then she’s understanding of your hunger, even defending you to Gale after you go at her neck again without permission.” 

“That was once- only twice-!” He pushed his finger out to correct her. 

“And all you can do is give half-hearted compliments and bat your eyelashes whenever you need something. A potion, a moment, a warm body to bleed. I mean, have you even said thank you?” 

Karlach put her hand between the two. “Shadowheart, I know you’re worried about her but you know that it’s can’t just one person's fault. It might not be anyone’s fault let alone Astarions.” She waved it up and down. “I think we’re all just tired-.” 

“Don’t act like you’re physically incapable of talking to her yourself!” Astarion retorted above and below Karlach’s hand. “And my attempts to thank her have been pushed aside, thank you very much!” 

“Ever try a full-fledged, verbal ‘thank you for feeding me every night, I appreciate you letting me suck you dry, Darling.’ ever?” She took a deep breath in, and on exhale she let her shoulder drop. 

“Let’s just go up and check on her then.” Karlach successfully cut in. 

Shadowheart reached into a small pouch on her person and thoughtfully brought out the little idol of Shar you gifted her the moment you could dust it off. “Do you know just how much she puts into our group?” Her voice was coated in adoration, and it made Astarion sick. “Or how much she’s already put in?” 

Astarion knew. Of course he knew. He was well aware of how much he took, as well as often as did. But he always knew just when to stop, or at least he thought he knew. But that was before he started to find you in even the smallest corners of his mind, before he found himself keeping an eye on you in battle, before the guilt got harder to swallow. If he pushed your sincerity aside with closed eyes as he held out a beggar's hand, the weight of what you gave him would mean nothing if he didn’t have see what you were left with. 

The strangers, travelers, your kind demeanor and hopeful act. Looking back to the Harper woman that marked your map, he wondered if the Light Inn was going to be enough to keep you going tomorrow. If it was enough for you to spare anything more after, or in the days to come. Gods, was the Harper woman a reflection of him? Where he only loathed her for sinning the same way he did; or for taking what he was saving for later? If anything, Astarion felt like he might as well just be another traveler to you. Someone that followed you around like hungry, dead weight. But he would never have to wonder how far you had carried him and six others, they had the map and markers. But he did wonder just how often he stole your living, breathing warmth. 

Wasn’t that the plan, for him to bleed you dry? Then, now, and hopefully after? 

“I don’t think Astarion would do anything to purposefully weaken her.” Karlach came to his defense. “That wouldn’t make sense, especially now. Besides, she is a big girl and can come to you if she feels like it.” 

Shadowheart shook her head. “You know what? You’re right. And so are you, Astarion.” The little, rock carved goddess dramatically fell to her side alongside her hand as she turned. “Why am I even waiting for her to ask? I’ll be upstairs.” She ran and left Karlach to tend to Astarion. 

“Fangs, you’re looking down, too. Don’t let Shadowheart get to you she’s been…” Karlach gave a sympathetic smile. “You know you can always talk to Mama-K.” Her laugh was aimed at herself as Astarion playfully rolled his eyes. 

The two of them watched the floor before Astarion looked up to her. “Do you think I’ve done it this time?” 

Without a second thought Karlach shook her head enthusiastically. “You might be right about the Underdark. There’s more on her mind than just you and me. Well, in her mind… I should say.” 

“In our minds.” a pathetic laugh bubbled from the nausea. “I think our dark princess would have to agree with that. At least to some extent.” 

Karlach met Astarion’s gaze with another sympathetic smile “I know you care,” she seemingly said out of nowhere. “I’m not the only one who sees it when you look at her. Even if it’s just a little. I think she at least knows that you care about her if Shadowheart doesn’t, ya’ know?” 

Astarion slowly nodded with a confused look before Karlach lead the way to their room. When Shadowheart returned from her check-in with you, she paid no mind to Astarion for the rest of the night. Instead, she went straight to Karlach, and to what his eavesdropping could gather, he safely assumed that he was in the clear. He guessed you really did just need alone time. 

After his vampiric rest, he lied still. Whatever light from outside cast patterns on the ceiling, and he cut them out into little pieces with Shadowheart’s steady breathing and some occasional snoring from Karlach in the background. Then he wondered what you sounded like while you slept. He hated that he didn’t pay attention the one time he could. Did you snore? If you did, were they raspy, hollow breathes or loud snorts that echoed? Maybe you were the restless dreamer where the shuffle of blankets and pillows would tell him you were just about to wake up. 

Astarion found himself wanting to know and shot up before he could want to know more. 

The wood was cool on the bottom of his feet. Without creaking, cracks, or splinters Astarion was able to move quietly out of the room into the hall. Lit candles lined the hallway to your room which felt more meaningful to him than it should have but he shook coincidence away and out of his mind. Instead, Astarion thought about how you pretended not to hear him earlier, he thought back to hands holding flames and he froze, feeling sick at your door. 

I’m hungry, he told himself. I feel sick because I am hungry. 

You sat on the edge of the bed, clearly expecting him with your hair pulled to one side and the right side of your neck exposed. “You’re late.” 

“Only a little, darling.” Astarion made his way over to plant his right knee beside your thigh, his left leg between your own. “I hope I haven’t kept you waiting.” 

“Hardly.” you whispered to the door behind him. “Besides, I can’t let you go hungry, can I?” 

Astarion decided not to press you. “I suppose not.” He smirked as the breath of his reply sent goosebumps all over your neck and shoulders. 

Tonight, you didn’t close your eyes in anticipation. There was no shiver down your spine or shudder in your breath when Astarion held both of your shoulders while he slowly sunk his teeth in. Hells, you didn’t even whine. It felt like kissing someone who wouldn’t close their eyes or kiss him back. 

Astarion made it quick, hardly getting his fill. As he arose and took a step back to search you up and down for any sign of discomfort. There was nothing out of the ordinary, you paled like usual, especially in your lips, but your expression was unreadable. Visibly there was nothing wrong, but he wanted to listen to your beating heart just to be sure nothing was moving faster or slower than it should. Then without thinking, he suddenly and loosely embraced you in his arms to put his head to your chest. 

“Woah, h-hey.” You jumped back on your elbows, crawling a step back on the bed. 

Astarion’s hands shot up in the air. “I was just,” The look of innocent surprise that coated your body was cute until he remembered why you looked so venerable. He furrowed his brows as he massaged the bridge of his nose, coming off of the bed. “I-I didn’t, or- I don’t mean to insinuate anything, my dear.”  

“Then...” The bed shook under his knee as you relaxed onto your hands, upright but leery. “What were you trying to do?” 

“Nothing, really." He massaged his neck. “Unless-” 

“Unless nothing.” You wildly grinned. “Unless nothing, Astarion. I really mean to have my alone time.” 

“Are you-” Astarion squared his gaze onto the litters of goosebumps on your chest and shoulders while you self-soothingly rubbed your arms. “Are you cold?” His chest tightened once he realized you were suppressing the chatter of your teeth with a trembling jaw. 

“A little.” The movement slowed as you stiffly squeezed your biceps. “Blood loss tends to do that.” 

That’s right, he thought. Astarion of all people, or undead things, should know that the lack of blood meant a lack of warmth. 

“Don’t you look so concerned. That’s not like you.” You coyly laughed. “I’ve been okay before, and I’ll be okay now. I am sitting on top of a completely made bed, you know?” 

Astarion stretched his neck and sighed. “Of course.” He gave you a weak chuckle. “Well, I guess I’ll take my leave then. But if you need a little warming up, you know where to find me.” The rustle of sheets as you climbed under the covers made him scrunch his nose insecurely at the door. “Good night, darling.” 

The following morning, Astarion could found sitting at the chess table, replaying the night before. Not for Raphael but for you. It more so that he was cringing at himself and his lack of control. The way your reacted to his embrace compared to his bite made his head spin with wonder and disappointment. The fact that his teeth breaking your flesh was better received than his concern was astounding. Realizing that if he was going to pull you into him, it was expected that he take and not give. 

Was it that obvious? 

You descended the stairs, the two followed behind, and you were practically glowing. Immediately Astarion felt relieved to know that Shadowheart likely made sure to cast a restoration of some sort today. He sat up a little as you wordlessly greeted him, watching you feel the right side of your neck with your left hand while your self-conscious chuckle furthered his optimism. 

Sigh, last night, “Again, I didn’t-” Astarion started to apologize. 

“Hush.” You made big eyes in reference to the two behind you. “You’re alright in my book.” Sheepishly grinning, you tilted your head and scrunched your nose before heading out. 

As per usual, everyone followed your lead in battle. Successfully you collected the Moonlantern, freed a pixie from inside, and were already thinking about the next move back at camp the morning after. “I think we should scope out Moonrise before meeting with any head honchos.” You said near the empty fire pit at camp. “I’ll do my usual hoarding while we get a good look at the place. And this,” you pointed to a little circle with question mark inside, “I can hardly remember what for, but I think it was marked for some rumored supplies.” You wiggled your fingers in the air with feigned enthusiasm. “I would like this to be priority, actually.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Karlach affirmed. “And I see that good ol’ Gale will be joining us today?” 

“I shall be at your disposal, yes.” He smiled genuinely before it grew sheepish. “Of course, with the hopes that I would not be disposed of.” 

Astarion rolled his eyes.  

“Never, Gale.” You playfully smiled at Astarion. “You’re the last person here I’d do that to” 

“Oh, don’t look at me,” he scoffed but you did, playfully through your lashes. 

“Whatever you say.” You sung before quickly tucking the map away. “But today we’re just scoping, taking, and talking.” 

Everyone nodded, and without another word were off to Moonrise. 

To everyone’s surprise, the guards could not care less about your party going in. The parasite was like a VIP pass inside and the tadpole-less guests praised your every step. It was odd to be so easily trusted and to roam freely. Usually at least one person challenged your worm infected autonomy, but this was a nice yet eerie change. 

But to nobody’s surprise nothing could ever go according to plan. Gale had opened the biggest and most obvious set of doors upon entry and interrupted a meeting between some goblins and Katheric Thorm. To the very left of where Katheric was sat stood Z’rell, the cult advisor that the guards outside said everyone must report to. And again, to not no one’s surprise, the meeting was nothing short of incredibly memorable with a show of immortal strength and the opportunity to sacrifice a small goblin herd at trial. 

Astarion was curious to see what your heroic self would do when the fate of the goblin crews' lives was hurriedly placed in your hands. So, when you had asked them to stop speaking, ‘to not even breathe’, his heart raced with confusion and excitement. 

That’s my girl, he thought. “But by the gods, I hope she’s okay.” 

“Me too.” Karlach swallowed with disappointment. 

Astarion cupped his mouth, not meaning to have said the second half of his thought aloud. 

Karlach looked over to him, “I guess the Underdark really is doing a number on her.” 

“It would seem so.” He kissed his teeth. 

You waved everyone over to follow Z’rell upstairs. A whole new mission got added to the list and Astarion took in this small laugh of disbelief you gave him. In response he tucked in his chin and raised a brow as though to wordlessly ask what exactly had you expected after everything leading up to this. 

The Tower was big, full of locked doors and overly trusting guests that roamed and for a moment there was some pep in your step as soon as you finally got everyone back on track. But once a broken wall produced just under 200 gold and a spell scroll, your disappointment was obvious as you bit your knuckle at the open chest. Without enthusiasm, you drew a little check mark beside the rumored supplies you prioritized this morning. Astarion would normally have something snarky to say but the glowing girl from earlier was having her light put out by her own optimism and he wanted nothing more than to do or say something that could bring back a spark. A pixie, perhaps. But before he could reach out to you, Karlach pushed through a door and on the other side of it was Araj who would come to make things worse.  

The blood lusted alchemist was off to a bad start when she immediately noted Astarion as the ‘Pale Friend’, drawing a more than uninterested look from you as she spoke. “I can make one of a kind potion, just for you, from you.” She modestly smiled. “One prick, a drop of your blood and it’s yours. But I keep the rest for myself.” 

After some curious questions, Astarion was surprised when you held out your hand to be poked. But then thought about how stupid it was to be surprised at that after the night prior. Instantly a potion was produced and carefully placed into your hands. 

“Thank you-” 

“Before you go, there is one other thing I would like to discuss;” she interrupted moved closer to you, but only to get a better look at Astarion. “Your friend.” 

Astarion knew that he stood out in a room to anyone who knew anything about the undead. They could and often did sniff him out wherever he met them. So, when she inquired of his being a Vampire or spawn, he naturally reassured her that as a part of the absolute that everyone serving in Her name was safe in his company.  

“Oh no, I hope for quite the opposite.” Araj watched you expectantly. “I assume he belongs to you?” 

“Belongs?” A distasteful curiosity bled from your voice. “Excuse me, but he’s his own person.” 

She smiled mockingly. “I’m sure he believes that.” 

Distaste was a little soft, you looked and sounded appalled. Actually, to everyone in your corner, your face gave that word another meaning. The drow hardly asked for his name, if anything she flatly commanded it from the wide-eyed Vampire. 

Your finger flew back to shush him, “Astarion” he too quickly answered. “But wait-.” 

“Good.” She smirked. “Now-” 

Your finger made its way around to her before she could continue. “Watch it.” You warned. 

Astarion looked over to Karlach and Gale who were also caught just as off guard as you were. But she paid no mind to your hand as she explained her life-long, born from childhood dream of being bitten by a vampire. She looked too comfortable swooning as she talked about losing her blood in between life and death. “I’ll even give compensation. A potion of legendary power.” Araj bribed. 

Astarion knew where this was going as Araj gave the details of the potion. He knew where he was and knew everyone had just a taste of power these cultists had. He knew that most people would be persuaded with this once in a lifetime offer. Who wouldn’t want guaranteed strength in a bottle? Most people would be, but he hoped that you weren’t most people because was unsure he would say no if you asked him to. He knew he owed you that much. 

The Drow asked Astarion if he would bite her to which he kindly declined. Then she faced you, clearly taken aback. “Well, can’t you do something about him? About your spawn?” Astarion held his breath. 

“He said no.” Relief flooded his body, causing his shoulders to drop despite his fixed posture in surprise. But you were stiff, straightening your neck as disappointment spread across Araj’s face. “What part of that did you not get the first time?” 

“Soldier,” Karlach leaned to your ear. “I think we should get going.”  She nudged your foot with hers. “We’ll be seeing you, Arash.” 

“It’s Araj.” 

“Right, sorry.” Gale apologized on Karlach’s behalf and bowed on the way out. Astarion followed behind him through a door that took everyone back outside. 

Karlach seemed to be calming you down, and until Karlach mentioned it, Astarion didn’t realize that while Araj spoke you began to pet a dagger on your hilt. “We don’t need to get into trouble while we’re still on the Absolute’s ground. Not before we’re ready to be.” 

Surely it wasn’t on his behalf, was it? No could care about anyone that much let alone another Vampire’s Spawn. 

“I should’ve just done it. The doors were closed and who knows? Maybe she had the potion already on her. Or maybe not.” Astarion raised a brow as his stomach sank. “Fucking weirdo.” You muttered. 

“Wow,” Karlach laughed. “Fucking weirdo, I couldn’t agree with you more, Captain.” She ran up as you walked around the tower. 

Astarion blankly watched the back of your head from two people away as you grew quiet and stayed that way. He wanted to know what you were thinking and whether or not you were mad at him for being so unwilling or if your silence was left over from Araj. But there was also nothing planned after scoping out Moonrise, at least nothing anyone mentioned. Everyone settled on blindly following your lead as you spotted a hill with some makeshift graves. 

“Gale,” you stopped suddenly at the foot of an overgrown root. “Can you head back to camp and grab Shadowheart?” 

“Are you sure?” 

You nodded. “I’d really appreciate something warm and hearty when we get back, and I love her but-.” 

“No need, I get it.” Gale smiled, bowed, and waved everyone off. 

Astarion watched Gale leave before he caught you and Karlach now raced to a patch of dirt. When he caught up with you, Karlach was watching out for Shadowheart as you picked through some choice graves. 

“Sweetheart, are you robbing from dead Justiciars?” His shadow hovered over your hands. “Why have her join at all?” 

“I’m sure she might know something about this site. But not a word about my scavenging, please.” With steady hands your swiftly placed the stones back the way they were. 

Astarion’s index finger and thumb drew a line in front of his lips as he sealed them shut and threw away an imaginary key. “My lips are sealed.” 

You snorted and smacked the dirt off your hands before Shadowheart materialized out of thin air, having everything to say about Shar’s faithful fallen soldiers. As she knelt to one of the graves, reverently running her hand across the rocks, Astarion caught sight of a dimly lit entrance. Karlach saw it too and pointed. 

“Maybe we can check it out before we look for supplies in the buildings, we passed by…” her booming voice trailed off when she saw him, then everyone turned. 

Raphael was mumbling to himself at the bottom of some steps at entrance of a cave. As Astarion began to walk only to see you were once again leading the way over. Again, in disguise, the devil gave the details of his deal to the whole group. All they had to do was kill an old enemy of his if Astarion wanted his scars decoded. The deal seemed sweeter than what he expected, simpler, maybe too sweet. But no one was sure what price was to be paid for translation. 

Karlach leaned over to you. “Again, I really don’t know about this.” 

Astarion rolled his eyes before he turned away from the cave. He just missed your response, and how Karlach retorted didn't fill in any blanks. “I don’t want to be tricked into doing that evil fucker's errands for free or find out that this order is for more than any of us can afford fill.” 

“Well, for now,” Shadowheart shot Astarion a raised brow to measure. “I think should head back to camp. I think we could use a moment to relax.” She tilted her head to you with her eyes locked on Astarion. 

You nodded mindlessly. “Yeah, or at least a moment to think” 

Astarion began to open his mouth when Shadowheart chimed in again “Right,” sounding uncharacteristically chipper. “We should plan a little just before heading inside. 

“I’m sorry you came here for nothing-” 

“The graves of Justiciars are not nothing.  Besides, I’m glad you thought to have me, even if it was just for a moment.”  

Shadowheart was good at that. Being soft when you needed it. And Karlach was good at melting you into a giggling mess when she could. Most of the time Astarion could find something obscene enough to say, that pulled you out of your head to laugh. But lately he felt like him just being there was making it impossible for anyone to distract you from yourself. 

You looked pensive the whole walk back to camp. After everything that had happened today from Moonrise, to goblins, to devils, Astarion could not pinpoint if it was one specific thing or everything that weighed heavy on your mind. What he could gather was how drastic the dip in your mood was after Araj, and Raphael. Both of those things happened to be tied to him and he got that funny feeling again. The feeling that he was taking from you without realizing it. That his mere presence was enough to make you bleed. 

Astarion wished he had just said yes to drinking the Araj’s foul-smelling blood. He shouldn’t let you fight his battles and make his deals; he didn’t want you to anymore. Astarion was centuries older than you and yet you were the one holding his hand through the Underdark. Staying up late night after night so he could eat. And he found himself pondering it all too tenderly. 

Scratch and the Owlbear cub zipped past you, hopping around giddily despite the gloomy scenery. Astarion felt a bit pensive himself. You were just as distant as you had been lately but tonight you were especially cold. Sure, you were healthier today than you had been for a while, and nothing seemed to tire you out. But there wasn’t the light and witty banter you spewed so effortlessly that he loved. He missed your observant and borderline judgmental comments on anything you stole from buildings and corpses. Even in Balthazar’s room inside Moonrise Tower, which brimmed with separated limbs and cold jars of blood, you made no snarky comment in correlation to Astarion’s diet. It would’ve have been easy, low hanging fruit by his standards; but at this point he was pulling on the branches for you to reach, you wouldn’t even need to jump. Astarion just wanted you to pick up something, anything really to throw at him. 

“Hey,” You called out, making him unusually hopeful. 

“Yes, darling?” He gave his most honest grin. 

“Do you think we can trust him to keep up his end of the bargain? Raphael, I mean?”  

“I trust a devil over a vampire any day. Besides,” with his hand on his chest, Astarion leaned back. “I think he likes us.” 

How you slowly blinked and nodded flattened his hopes. “It’s your only lead, I suppose...” Scratch and the Owlbear nearly ran into you again, but you didn’t smile, flinch, or notice the animals despite watching them pass you two by. You were millions of miles away from everyone. Millions of miles away from him. 

“Yeah, it is our only lead. My only lead.” Astarion reiterated defensively. 

“I know, I know.” Your eyes screwed shut as you nodded some more. “Maybe we can go to the house of healing in case there’s something on Ketheric. Then after we can go to the cave.” 

“Only after…” What was cause for worry before was now cause for slight agitation. 

“Yes, well, I mean-” You threw your head back and up to the sky like itmight give you a clue. “Or..? Gods, I don’t know.” 

“What don’t you know, sweetheart?” 

“I-I don’t know that either. I don’t know what I don’t know, I guess.” Self soothingly you cupped your face and took a deep breath in. “What I do know is that’s it’s on my list.” You were staring at his neck, struggling to look up any further. 

You sounded unsure of yourself, and while that made him sympathetic, it did more to make him anxious. “I guess I can only hope that it’s high up there. Afterall, this is the first chance I’ve had at deciphering my scars.” Astarion apathetically reminded you, unable to help his tone when he leaned into your ear uncomfortably close. 

“Be a dear and don’t get in my way.” He spat. 

“I won’t?” You turned to him equally defensive. “Don’t you know by now that you can just-” Astarion faced you, practically touching noses but nothing about the tension was romantic once he caught what looked like tears pooling in your eyes. “Y-you should know by that you can just...” 

Karlach glanced over to what she likely saw as two people incredibly close to one another, “Oh, don’t look now but there’s PDA on the campgrounds,” she announced. Wyll let out a dramatic ‘Oo~’ that made her laugh. 

Astarion was horrified inside and unable to think despite having that same snippy look on his face. But once the tears fell, he quickly pulled away, finally softening his demeanor. Karlach eventually looked over at you two when she hadn’t heard any smart mouthed response. 

“You j-just have to ask.” You whimpered between labored breathes. 

Karlach ran to your side before Astarion could think to speak. “What happened?” The concern in her voice caught Gale and Shadowheart’s attention. Gale quietly watched Astarion from a few feet away while Shadowheart raced over to place her hands on your shoulders the moment she arrived. 

Shadowheart did what she did best lately, give dirty looks at Astarion from in the background. She had her head on your shoulder while Karlach tried to get some sort of response out of you. Shadowheart took her turn with her own line of questions when all Karlach could get was a pained look on your face. But there you were in the center of them making him sick again. 

Astarion couldn’t handle himself as you cried. Never in his life had he so quickly regretted saying something to someone, let alone someone he grew so fond of. He felt worse as found himself noting how pretty you looked with tears down you face. All you needed was a break, maybe another night to yourself and right now he would give you all of them if he could help it. But he couldn’t, he never could. Astarion had to be sure that you were still on his side, and that you’d be waiting for him in his corner as though standing up for him in Moonrise Towers wasn’t enough. 

Worry grew as Astarion thought about freedom of choice, and how much time had passed from the Tiefling party. You repeatedly declined his advances to have sex again, but he hadn’t made any significant or particularly tempting advances. In fact, he didn’t want to. Until now, he didn’t think he had to. In-between what he knew and what he wanted, Astarion wasn’t sure he would truly feel better if you just used his body like he needed you to. But if you wanted to, he would let you. It would be fair. It would make everything easier. It was what he thought he deserved. But there you were in front of him, reminding him that all he had to do was ask and it was his. He knew that if he said that aloud you would convince him otherwise, even if you had to do it sobbing. 

That’s exactly how you made everything harder. Without your hands, without a leash, and without control, you had successfully made him care. When exactly that had started, Astarion couldn’t be sure but it was unsettlingly that the feeling crept in without a sound after he was so sure about having his heart set on using you. Maybe it started as selfishly as all things start, where wanting part of someone becomes needing everything else, they were. When being protected meant taking care his protector and being feed meant cleaning up after. Astarion wanted to switch roles to take care of you for once, he just didn’t know how to yet. 

Shadowheart was about to call Gale over when you finally moved to wipe away your tears with the sleeves of your top were pulled over your palms. “Please don’t.” You pleaded with a nervous grin. “It’s nothing.” 

“It is clearly not nothing.” Shadowheart squeezed your arms, her chin bouncing on your shoulder as she spoke. “You know you can talk to me. Or Karlach.” The Tiefling had her hands on her knees, crouching and nodding while Shadowheart spoke. “Or I can go grab La’zael but I don’t actually know what she would do for you. I don’t think she’s ever cried in her life...” 

You let out an estranged laugh at the mention of Lae’zel. Shadowheart and Karlach’s whole demeanor eased up as they laughed with you. Coincidentally, Lae’zel started sharpening a blade which echoed throughout camp and softened the air significantly. Karlach headed to Lae’zel’s tent to have her shut off the wheel, Shadowheart kept her arm around your neck, guiding you behind Karlach. Astarion watched as each breath hiccupped in your shoulders, ignoring Lae’zel’s blunt form of comfort while he left to accompany Gale. 

“You know Astarion,” he slowly stirred the strew from the very bottom of the pot to keep anything from sticking and burning. “She keeps a close eye on you when we’re out.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Astarion couldn't even try to pretend he meant that. 

“I’m not trying to be. As cold as you are, no pun intended, I think most of us can tell she has a keen interest in your wellbeing, and I would suspect that you maybe return the sentiment.” 

“I’ll have you know that not one of those earlier statements is funny or true.” Astarion tried to be coy. “Especially not now.” 

“Deflect all you want my sharp-toothed friend, but I know you do.” Gale poured a bowl for himself, and a second one for Astarion. 

“Don’t sound so sure of yourself.” He eyed the stew. “And Gale that’s just rude.” 

From the corner of his eye, you watched him expectantly, with the same look you had when he drank you up at Light Inn. Shadowheart was shaking her head and rolling her eyes while Lae’zel  spoke. “She doesn’t have to explain anything more. If she wants to sulk right now, let her.” Your Githyanki friend had this way of sounding harsh while looking concerned in her own funny way as she spoke. “Do you need more information to comfort someone you supposedly care for? Are those the teachings of Shar?” 

“You’re one to talk,” Shadowheart huffed. 

You were back and forth, looking between the two while seeming entertained. 

“Astarion, my friend.” Gale held out the bowl to him. “I’m sure you know what I’m doing.” 

He did. “Give me that.” He hissed and swiped your portion of food from Gales hand. 

You watched Shadowheart as she turned to face him. “Astarion.” 

“Shadowheart.”  

“Good evening to you.” She avoided eye contact as she folded her hands. 

Astarion bowed in a gentlemanly manner, tiling his head as he spoke to you. “I come bearing sustenance, my dear.” As you took the warm bowl from his hands Lae’zel tsked, and Karlach gave him a thumbs up despite pursing her lips. 

“I see Gale made stew?” Shadowheart kept curt. 

“I mean, I hope this is stew because if it’s not then I have no idea what she’s about to eat.” Astarion said sarcastically. “Although, in that case it’s better her than me.” 

Astarion couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad sort airy laugh you gave him before you took a bite. But you with a free hand you motioned him to lean in again. You placed the bowl between your lap on the stool to cup his ear with both of your hands. Astarion tried to get a good look at you from the corner of his eye before you left his peripheral. 

“You can feed on me again, if you’d like.” Gods you looked so pretty and venerable. 

“I think…” Astarion thought about your breath and hands on his ear and tried to shake away the thought, “I think we need to talk, later.” 

With the spoon in your mouth, you nodded again. “Okay, later.” You scooped up another bite. 

Shadowheart was about to say something when you put your hand on her arm and shook your head. “I’m good. This is good,” was said so sincerely she didn’t try to fight it. 

Astarion paid no mind to how the others reacted as he turned away to sit in his tent. The night couldn’t drag any slower even if it tried. You had disappeared into your tent after you ate, and so from in his own tent he was left to watch the rest of the weirdos interact and pretend that nothing happened. He stopped listening when Wyll started sharing some heroic tall tale and could only hope that you would still be awake after everyone else had fallen asleep. Truthfully Astarion had no reason to worry, he always found you waiting for him. 

Your lashes were wet as though you just finished crying a second time, or maybe you hadn’t stopped. “You’re early.” You massaged your jaw as you spoke. “Or have I kept you waiting?” 

“You haven’t kept anyone waiting,” he reassured. “And what’s with your jaw?” 

“Just tense.” 

Astarion hummed and squatted onto his ankles. “But you want to feed me anyways.” 

The question caught you off guard. “Yes? Well, if you need to...” 

“Hmm,” Astarion watched the ground. “You know, why do you do that to yourself?” 

“Do what?" He watched as you played with your fingers, squeezing your right hand with your left and had realized that you were studying him. 

“Weren’t you just crying earlier over something I said?” 

“It was more than that.” You caught yourself before you could elaborate and Astarion felt himself growing impatient again. 

“What do you mean more? More how?” 

The tips of your fingers turned white as you continued to squeeze and contort them. “It was just more. Beyond you, and them, and me.” As soon as you looked down at your hands you finally stretched them out in front of you for some relief. “Didn’t you say that you wanted to talk with me?” You pointed to yourself in an awkward attempt to lighten the mood. 

Astarion sucked in his lower lip and sighed. “I did, didn’t I?” 

Astarion stared at you through his lashes as he made his way onto his knees. “My dear, I wanted to talk to you-” A scornful Shadowheart appeared in his head and he winced. “Well. I more wanted to thank you.” 

“Thank me?” Your head shot up from your hands in your lap. “What did I do? You’re being a little mushy on me.” 

“I know, aren’t I full of surprises?” There was a pause as he thought about how to word what he wanted to say next and saw how the silence made you anxious. “But you stood up for me in Moonrise Towers when you didn’t have to, and respected me when I said no. I can’t even remember the last time anyone’s done that for me.” 

“Oh.” You smiled. “Of course.” 

Astarion was unsure of how to explain himself but he wanted to try. “I know I’ve talked about Cazador and the things he made me do. I would use my body to lure in any pretty thing with a pulse and push aside all the disgust that came with it because I had to.” Your hands balled up in your lap. “For a long time, it has felt like that was the only thing I know how to do. Cazador's commands became second nature, his voice still lives in my head. It’s like I forget I’m not under his control. You’ve helped me remember I don’t have to do those awful things anymore.” 

Self-consciously, you hugged yourself at your elbows and took another deep breath in. Your mouth opened to speak but only let all the air out. 

“You can ask me questions.” 

“If it filled you with disgust, if it was awful, then why did you...” You squeezed your eyes shut like you didn’t want to confirm some sinking suspicion. “Why did you sleep with me?” 

Astarion didn’t like your cautious tone. “Why are you asking like that?” 

“No, you just said- why did you sleep with me Astarion?” Your eyes bore into his. “Please just answer.” 

  “I needed you to protect me,” He observed your body as he had been while he spoke. “I needed to ensure you’d never want to leave me.” 

With your palms upright you stared at the space between you two. Astarion waited for you to say something but wasn’t sure what he expected. He didn’t know what he wanted to hear. 

“I hope you know, I would never.” was unexpected, welcome even, but it was not enough to satisfy his guilt. 

“Are you not upset with me?” 

“Do you want me to be?” Your eyes rounded with curiosity. “I just told you that I want you to know I would never leave your side, not willingly I should say.” Your voice trailed off in reflection. “I had never thought to, actually.” 

After centuries of being beaten down, torn apart and stripped of reason, you were just going to tell him that it was, okay? 

Astarion wanted to feel relieved. Astarion wanted to believe you without trembling, without balling his fists over his knees, without something telling him that should know better than to expect understanding. For years he had to get used to knowing that in Cazador's eyes he had always been below forgiveness. Especially the kind that needed no proof of his repentance. 

“What’s wrong?” Your hand fell into view, hovered above his lap and without touching him you guided his chin up so he would face you. 

Once again you were putting yourself aside to comfort him with a face that was drenched in concern. “I feel awful, you know. And you’re making this too easy. I have spent most of our time trying to seduce you, which was easy at first but then you just stopped. You just kept giving without taking which was just what I had hoped for. It was what I wanted- until suddenly it wasn’t.” Astarion shook his head when you nodded in understanding, “You knew it all along, didn’t you?” 

It was maybe a few seconds of silence but it felt like a lifetime while in his self-appointed judgement seat. 

“Not all along.” You looked up thoughtfully, “I didn’t think much of it until you wanted to bed me again." 

“Oh?” His own curiosity spoke cut through the doubt. “What gave me away?” 

“It was when you said,” Astarion winced as you cleared your throat and sat tall to give him a vivid visual of his act. “‘How about I try everyone's favorite? Just three little words? I love you'... Well,” You looked at his lap again, “it’s funny now.” You weakly smiled. Your hands flew over your mouth as your face twisted in embarrassment as Astarions mouth fell slightly open. “I realize that sounds like I wanted you to mean- well no. Yes- wait, no! I-It's not because I,” Your hands fell into your lap before you rolled your head from the ceiling down to him. “The realization hurts, but I guess conformation is worse.” 

Something about you losing your spark flitted across his mind again and without thinking, Astarion leaned in to cup your face tenderly. His cold hands clearly caught you by surprise but you didn’t move away. In his hands he held your swollen bewilderment and kind eyes. He wished he could see what you did in him. “If you’ll let me,” He traced lines over your chin, up to your eyes, the tip of your nose, before he made it back to your gaze. “I would like to have the chance to give you something real.” 

A warm smile in-between repose and disbelief made him weak. Another moment of silence passed as your eyes mapped out his expression. “Oh, shit,” you said with a slow falling simper that made your bottom lip tremble. “You mean that, don’t you...” 

“I do.” He whispered tenderly as his thumb moved to still the shake. “But only if you’ll let me.” 

You closed your eyes and let your head complete relax in his hands. Astarion took this as an opportunity to lift you closed to his face while your brows knitted together in anticipation. Slowly, he placed a kiss on your chin, your left cheek, then your right, before bringing your forehead to his lips. Your hands latched around his wrists as you pressed your head into his right hand. “Does this not bother you-?” 

“Not one bit.” He mirrored you. “But on that note, I think I need more time for intimacy. Or, maybe I don’t want that at all anymore. After everything.” His eyes dropped to your chin. 

“I can wait,” You reassured. “Whether or not that’s in vain. I don’t mind; we don’t have to have sex.” 

Astarion could feel his whole face open as he straightened his posture, and yours. His usual wit and charm were coming back to him. “Well, we’ll see if that proves to be a challenge.” 

You rolled your eyes and were about to pull away when his fingers pressed into your face to keep you still. “Yes?” 

All he could see were your lips, “May I?” 

Astarion was already moving in before you closed the distance. With your lips on his, his hand on the back of your neck, while another cradled your jaw, the only thing he could think about was just how warm you were, how soft and alive you felt on his mouth. But even in his hold he felt like he needed to chase you. You were being too gentle for his taste, too safe on his lips. Astarion was sure you could feel his growing hunger as his hand snaked to the base of your head to hold you by your hair, guiding each kiss with his neck before you finally opened your mouth, inviting him in. 

Still, it wasn’t enough. 

Astarion stood on his knees, not once letting you back away for air as he craned his neck to deepen a kiss that nearly pushed you onto your back. A drawn-out, reverberated whine melted in his ears as you pushed into his waist. But when you let go of him to support yourself, Astarion dragged his teeth on your bottom lip with a final peck before breaking away. You were panting as he sat back on the floor, smiling in his hold as his fingers were still tangled in your hair. Astarion pulled you into his arms, guiding you head into his shoulder before he drew circles on your back. As your heaving slowed, he pressed you flush against his chest like he’ll lose you if he couldn’t feel your heart against his own. “I’m sorry-” 

“Don’t be.” You held him just as tight and that seemed to finally satisfy him. 

“Thank you, my love.” 

Astarion nearly purred when you pecked his neck. “Don’t mention it.” 

© 2024 chimimon

[daemon-in-my-head]

I'm gonna say smth and I need people to read and understand what I mean.

It is perfectly fine to critique games. It doesn't matter what exactly you critique. You don't like the story? Say it. You don't like the combat? Say it. You dislike the way previous lore has been handled? Say it. You dislike the character creator? Say it. You think certain aspects of the game feel lazy or odd? Fucking say it.

Games at this point of time cost 60-70 bucks. Just the game itself. And it's often not even a physical copy, just a digital key they can revoked at any moment if they feel like it. If you want an advantage or a pretty limited skin or what have ya its gonna be 80-150 bucks. Yes that's how outrageous the prices are becoming. Let alone any future DLCs.

And again, it's 60 fucking bucks for just the base game. That's a lot of money for games. Not too long ago you'd be chased with pitchforks and torches had you said your game was that expensive. Some phones are as expensive as two AAA games, games that usually shine with a shit ton of flaws, bugs, missing content, messed up lore and generally feel like the publisher just wanted to make a quick dime. And considering how little time they take to develop, the later often holds true.

But yk what else? If you don't express your disgruntlement or your anger with these practices it's gonna keep going. Shit is only gonna get more expensive while also providing a worse playing experience. Y'all know what the big guys said about BG3. That we, the players, shouldn't expect that to be the new standard.

But hey, listen, we fucking should. It's our money and time. Our enjoyment of long established series or the first title of many. We should expect it to be fucking good and finished especially for such a great prize. We should expect to find entertainment in the things we buy exclusively for entertainment.

So please for the love of god stop attacking people for voicing their very valid and personal opinions. In fact do the opposite and join them and encourage others to do the fucking same. I'm so god damn tired of publishers doing everything only for the sake of sales rather than the art behind it. And yes of course 'the poor employees' and whatever excuses there are for these attacks. Guess fucking what buddy? You encouraging the Publishers behaviour by shutting down any and all criticism and buying whatever the fuck they slapped a name on is just telling them they get away with treating their people like less than shit.

Criticism is healthy. Criticism is required for a system to work and develop in positive ways rather than whatever tf is happening now. Voicing your opinion and critiquing aspects you find poorly handled is not hating a game. It's being disappointed that something you love and are absolutely passionate about was not treated well because some rich guy wanted yet another bonus check.

If a game is shit, call it out. If a system was handled poorly, call it out. If publisher try to limit the content and systems you're exposed to in the first 2 hours because you can still return the game in that period of time, call it the fuck out.

[lokorum]

what would you say is your favorite jonmichael fic..... im very curious and love to reread anything in that tag

oh but how can i pick only one when they all are so good??? (,,•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅ ,,)?

aaaaaa can i make the several honorable mentions of the fics that made me scream and roll on the floor?????? pretty please???

scheherazade was one of the first jonmichael fics that i found while going through all of the cher's works because, evidently, they have no fics that are not worth reading!! (i'm sorry if and forty feet down only confirming it!!!)

sleep inertia has one of the best dialogues i ever read!!! the way cruelzy writes michael's lines??? aaaaaaaaa its so delicious and believable and never for a second i thought i'm reading something out of canon?? its just that good. 

carousel is the only one fic (from what i found) that i set in the last season and its adds a lot of layers to that big jonmichael onion that torments my eyes for a while now ldkfjgkdfjg also it's messy?? i mean the whole situation in the fic?? its so humanly complicated and it does not gives you the chance to experience any of the feelings clearly and i love it!! screechfox somehow captured all of the complicated stuff in one fic, blendered it together and for the whole time i just couldn't take my eyes away from it. 

five times michael saves jon's life and one time he doesn't have to - is here to sooth our pain and heal our wounds. i reread it so many times!! the dynamic between jon and michael in it is one to live for!!! sometimes you think 5+1 kind of fics can't surprise you anymore and then the coolest author like paisleycowboys enters the room and proves you wrong. 

to be like super honest, the 100 ways to say i love you series, when i first saw it, made me think im not gonna like it? i love my fanfics long and scary and bittersweet and with a bad-very-not-good-endings, so the title of this one made me go "hmmmmm HMMMMM hmmmmm hmmmm?" but ive started to read it anyway, theres not that many fics on the ao3 for jonmichael, we cant afford to be capricious and gosh GOSH i was so fucking wrong!!! its sweet AND sad AND scary AND awkward (in a best way!!!) AND it made me giggle so many times!!! NeedsCaffeineRightNow can make even the edgiest of us enjoy the soft kinds of fics (its not hard when they are written with so much care and love.)

POSSESSIVE!! MICHAEL!! COMBING!!! JON'S!! HAIR!!!!!! what else do we need from life?

transition, every time i reread it or think about it, makes me painfully aware of how many things should coincide for something to work. it's not one of those fics that completely encompass you; nor its the one that leaves you with new headcanons or in a good mood, no, i think it's the one that leaves you in dissoray, making you want to argue with author, to ask them what were they thinking about, pointing on your weak sides like this?, giving you something precious and then stealing it away? pushing your old bruises? that is to say, i have nothing but deep respect for indefensibleselfindulgence. to write fic that makes you want to engage in conversation? thats powerful 

Our 'Angel' of Static and Bone is written so inexplicably good, that more than once i wondered, how NeverwinterThistle was able to do it? and then i realised they are one of my fave bg3 and dishonored authors phpphp but really, the care, the effort that went into this fic? they are literally visible! you can feel the amount of time and brain juice that went into writing it. and the neighbor character? they appeared like two times?? and still their addition left me speechless with how clever it is, how different!! absolutely amazing work.

adjective noun has jonmichael chapter (11) that destroyed me as a person i swear i laughed so hard i dropped my phone and just kept giggling face-into-the-pillow style!!!!!! its rare for the fics to bring you this childish kind of pure joy; the little in-between moment of forgetting about everything, good and bad, and just have a good time. this chapter is definitely one of those rare things and it also made me wish there would be more jonmichael fics from cuttoth. somehow they nailed everything that should be nailed about this ship and did it in a couple of pages, what a magical work!! 

and well, now here's my fave fic, the one that took my head, shaked it like it's a soda can, and then left it open, fountaining at first and then dented and empty. 

I ask for nothing, but maybe I'm lying is the work that made me grateful for the fact that i know how to read in english. its....mmmm, you know that feeling when fic makes you go through literally everything? and then, as a bonus, through all stages of grief as well?

first you get hooked up by the beautiful writing style and so you know the fic is gonna be good and you get comfortable and you turn yourself off from the rest of the world and you read. 

you love pov, you love mood shifts, you love pacing, you love when scenes are short and you pause to think about what happened / you love when scenes are long and you get overloaded with the simple things that make you feel complicated emotions, you love it all. 

then you start to wish it would never finish; you look at the scrolling bar from time to time, a little bit too aware of how much there's left to read, a little bit too anxious about it. and at the same time, the fic starts to make you feel safe, confident, that at least it's gonna be alright, its gonna be that one work that will replace the canon events for you. it was the

“Oh. Oh, Archivist, no. That’s not right at all,” you say to yourself as you watch him march into artefact storage, both hands clamped around an axe. 

On a whim, you decide to save him."

line for me for sure uhhh it still hits as good as the first time too 

and then you get to the ending and you just stare at the screen. that hollowing feeling slowly spreading inside you. *sigh* its the best sort of inspiration im sure, but its the worse one too. i have no idea how possessedradios and authors like them are able to write something that kills you, then reanimates you and then makes you sit in front of the tablet drawing hours non stop. ''I ask for nothing, but maybe I'm lying" is so beautiful its scares and fascinates me, just like the podcast did. hell, better then the podcast did.  i know its silly but i even named my fisrt fanart of michael as the title of the fic 👉👈

ahhhh SO i rumbled again SORRY!!!!!!! every time someone asks something from me its either "i'll reply later" (replies 10 years after) or "tolstoy, hold my fucking beer". but i really hope that fic writers, not only those who are mentioned here but like in general? know how much they affect other people!! how their work creates safe spaces for others!! how they make readers smile or cry, even if those readers (im not pointing finger on myself idk what you talking about pgphpphph) are little gremlins that leaving comments once in a decade....................

have fun time reading!! <3

btw im working on a little fanart rn............. (expressing my deepest grattitude to ao3 johmichael writers 😳🔪)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I told someone I just started hanging out with that I think they should dump their boyfriend?

I (24NB) finally hung out with one of my neighbors (25F) for the first time the other day. We met bc she had seen my car in the complex, and we finally ran into each other at the store one day and agreed that we should hang out together. I asked if it would be okay if my partner came and met up with us. She said yes and asked if her boyfriend could as well, and of course I said yes.

Well the hang out comes, and long story short, this guy is an absolute dick. Throughout the night, I watched him gaslight her no less than 5 times. I watched him steal her phone and smack her several times (not hard, but it def wasn't just being "playful"). He was constantly demeaning toward her and did not have a single nice thing to say about her the entire time. I was trying to get to know her and her interests, and any time she would start to speak up, he would either speak over her, speak for her, or preemptively make fun of whatever interest she was about to talk about. Any time he did that, I would show immense interest in her interests, not just bc I was also interested in them, but also to let her know that it's okay to like and enjoy things??? And I genuinely wanted to show how much I enjoyed these things as well. He and I even got into a little bit of an argument bc, when we started talking about DnD (they were interested in finding a group to play with for their first time and my partner and I both play), he was arguing about how the game worked (both the rules and social dynamic). He said you were supposed to undermine and fuck over the GM, and he said he knew the rules bc he's played BG3. Eventually my partner shows up and immediately sees what kind of asshole this guy is and starts employing the same tactics I was using (reassuring Friend in her interests, politely but very sternly objecting when he said something negative, etc).

My partner and I have both been in abusive relationships in the past, and this guy was giving the most blatant display of every single red flag either of us had ever seen. We both really did enjoy hanging out with her, but we def don't want to see her boyfriend again. And I want to tell her what an absolute dick this guy is being towards her, but we've only hung out the one time, and I don't want to seem like I'm over-stepping. But also, I have zero doubt in my mind that she absolutely needs to end that relationship, because if this is the kind of behavior he was comfortable displaying in front of strangers, who knows how bad it is behind closed doors. I just don't want to potentially make things worse by her getting uncomfortable and cutting us off.

So would I be the asshole for telling her she should dump him, even though we've only hung out once?

What are these acronyms?

[xxnashiraxx]

New Year Writing Tag

Thank you for tagging me @ladyduellist!! I tried to pour over my notifications to see if anyone else tagged me in this so if I missed you, I'm sorry!! 💕

What's Been Your Biggest Learning Point This Past Year? I think for me, it's been been note taking! I never used to do that, and I have like 30 notes open in my phone of ideas, future dialogue, scenes, etc. It's helped so much!

How Has Your Writing Developed This Past Year? I think it's gone really well! I struggled a lot in the beginning of the year. I started writing my fic in April and only started posting in July, but thank goodness I took all those months to do it because I could clearly see how different it was between all those months and I was able to edit it to my satisfaction! I feel I've come a long way from where I was just a year ago 💗

Good Writing Habits? Note-taking! So much note-taking! It also helps me sustain my inspiration and motivation. Also, taking breaks to work on other stuff, even things that never see the light of day. It helps me break everything up! 💕

Bad Writing Habits? I have to say straying off on like tumblr or something- I get distracted easily and I really should close those tabs while I'm trying to stay dedicated!! Also, editing while I'm trying to make progress- I tend to get completely engrossed and miss so much development time. *sigh*

Favorite Thing You Wrote? So far, Chapter 6 of With Stars to Fill My Dream. It's my bite-night chapter and I am really proud of it- it has all that fun vampire stuff I like, lots of fun prose, some "Astarion lost in the sauce" moments, and honestly I just really love vampires. It felt good to finally write a bite scene after being obsessed with vampires for most of my life, lol.

Favorite Reads? Man, I haven't been reading actual books in a while, I have dipped into Dracula again recently but I'll link some of my fave fanfics I've read this year!

Until You by @bloodinwine (seriously do yourself a favor and read this fic- it's insanely beautiful, raw, and so powerful. It's such an emotional journey, I have yet to get fully caught up, but my GOD just everything is done so well and I guarantee you'll fall in love with Effy)

Not Your Sweetheart by @kittenintheden (again, another AMAZING fic- I have been in love with Ori since I first read this. She's such a wonderful, quick-witted, lovely character that I am still obsessed with, and again, I've been falling behind in catching up on fics but I'm so excited to finally do so here soon!)

Slip Away Today by @ladyduellist (COWBOY ASTARION!! Need I say more?? I am obsessed with this fic- I love it, I love Lady sm, and it's just. Incredible. YA'LL need to read this because it delivers. Perfect, Old West Faerun)

La Petite Mort by @pinkberrytea (This fic fundamentally changed me on a molecular level. Absolutely amazing and so hot- do yourself a favor and read this for some vampire bite fun and to just melt into the ground. Honestly, anything from Berry just slaps)

Hellish Rebuke by @bludazey (Another fic I NEED to get caught up in, but just SO well written- I've actually had to put my phone down while reading a few times just to *absorb* the words and also take an emotional break. I love Lilith so much and fully intend on descending into this completed masterpiece this year so I can not only show it the love it deserves but finally see where those two end up)

Khywren's Kinktober Series by @khywren (INSANITY. PERFECTION. All of these are AMAZING- I've loved every single one and I am so in love with Ysera and her relationship with Astarion. All of Khy's work is top-notch, and if you're looking for heartwarming writing, amazing smut, and wonderful characterization look no further.)

And may I also interest you in the amazing friends I know that have made such exemplary stories and beautiful fics? @preciouslittlebhaalbae with her INCREDIBLE bg3 isekai that steals my breath with its tenderness and raw, emotional scenes- @verbenaa with her lovely Tav, Rin, and her journey with Astarion that I MUST CONTINUE, but Chloe's other amazing works are just as wonderful- @elinorbard and her AMAZING DURGETASH- guys, please give her fics a read- @inkymoonbunny and her amazing Branded Blood series!! Tiefling Astarion! What more can I say? You'll fall in love with Flare immediately and want to see these two heal and love each other :") @badbloodwitch who deserves all the love and praise on her incredible Astarion works and AA fics- passionate, sad, loving- just everything you could hope for! You'll sense there's a running theme of me being behind in reading, but don't be like me and go read all these!!

Biggest Win? Making friends!! I have been away from anything social like writing and posting fics and art for so long and I feel like I lost so much in those years of stagnation. I finally feel almost like I'm supposed to- happy, excited to experience each day, and desperately lacking in time to do all the things I love, but I persist! 💕

Goals for the New Year? Finishing With Stars to Fill My Dream! I'm starting to write Act 1.5/2 right now, and I'm hoping by the end of the year that I'm closing the book on Ofelia and Astarion's main journey. Hopefully, I'll even be starting the much shorter sequel! I have some plans for these two and I'm really excited to put them into writing. 💕

Your Favorite Word of the Year, AKA the Words You Check Each Chapter for, Making Sure You Didn't Repear them 788 Times? Haha, yes- "rubies", "plush", "fingers", "crimson", "blood". Got a lot of those in there, sorry guys.

What Are You Excited for In the New Year? Catching up on my friend's fics and writing more!! And improving on my art- I haven't been drawing in about 6 years so I'm excited to try and keep improving as much as I can!!

I feel like I've tagged a lot of people here, so if you've been mentioned above consider yourself tagged! Adding a few no-pressure ones below, as well! 💗

@vividiana @andromedaancunin @justabiteofspite @nerdallwritey @lanafofana @kalmiaphlox @busy-baker @caffeinatedmunchkin @alwaysmauria @heylittleriotact @vividiana @roguishcat @bardic-inspo

[writtenobsession]

Minthara’s Jaluk

Modern AU Minthara x Male Drow Tav/Reader

THIS IS 18+ FANFIC! You’ve been warned.

Summary: You were given a set of rules to follow while at a work event for Minthara’s work. The promise of a reward at the end of the night motivates you be on your best behavior.

Tags: Dom Minthara, Sub Male Drow, Under the table clothed handjob in a public area, oral, hair pulling, and using a tie as a leash.

A/N: This is smut for smuts sake. I remember seeing a dirty bg3 confession about someone wanting their male drow to be dominated by Minthara. It lived in my brain rent free for a while. Written and posted on phone. This is my first time ever writing smut. May or may not do a part 2. Let me know if you think I should? (I couldn’t think of a title to save my life… I’m trying)

Drow terms used: Jaluk- a derogatory term for a male drow, Harl'il'cik- kneel, Parzdiamo- male playmate who is not the house patron, Ilharess- matron.

Word Count: 10,950

Your rules for the evening:

1.) Do not embarrass me.

2.)When asked about our relationship, keep it simple and to the point. Do not give out too much information.

3.) I will allow you to call me “My dear” or “My Love”, anything else will displease me.

You will receive your reward when we arrive home.- Minthara

Events like these were always stressful. Trying to remember peoples faces, etiquette, the rules, and keeping her happy. Your outfit for the evening already picked out to complement hers, the chauffeur waiting for you at the bottom for the your shared luxury apartment, and traveled downtown to the business district for the hotel hosting her work event. Stepping out of the sleek car, you straighten your tux and check your watch.

“Right on time,” you thought before taking a deep breath and plastered a well practiced smile in your face, “Let the show begin.”

With false confidence, you walk into the lobby and instantly recognize a few familiar faces for Minthara’s office. Smalltalk was always torturous for you when it came to these events. The questions were almost always the same, such as, “How are you?” or, “How’s work?” These people had no interest in you when you used to work in the same building, but once Minthara brought you to the last event, their sudden friendly demeanor grated on you. Once a lull in the conversation, you excused yourself to attempt to find your her. Shuffling through the crowd, you spot her in front of a few higher ups in the company in front of entrance to the rented hall for the evening. She looked gorgeous. You could feel your heart race just gazing upon her. Her hair done up perfectly, the earrings you picked out that matched your cuff links for your anniversary, and her black dress that hugged every curve on her well toned body. Her leg occasionally peaking out from a side slit as she adjusted her stance. You stood there admiring her from afar for just a moment before you caught her eye. A warm smile formed on her lips.

“Will you excuse me, gentlemen,” She said before sauntering over. Once she reached you, her smile harden. “You’re late.”

“I’m sorry, my Love,” you look at her lovingly, “I couldn’t help, but admire you for a moment.” She hummed at the comment, approving of your answer. “It’s almost time for the main events to begin, Darling.” You hold out your arm to escort her into the main room. She leans into you with a wicked smile for a moment and whispers, “It seems I’ve trained you well.” The hairs on the back of your neck stand. You’re already having a tough time keeping your composure. She links her arm with yours then proceeds to lead the way. Of course more small talk ensued, but it becomes manageable when your fiery lover takes charge. You would be lying to yourself that if you said this side of her wasn’t a turn on. You were pulled out of your mind when Minthara squeezed your arm lightly.

“Darling, they’re announcing that it’s about the time to take our seats.” She looked you in the eyes as if asking, “What in the hells are you doing.”

“Of course, my dear.” It took you a moment to remember where you were before walking directly towards your table near a front corner of the stage. Just enough out of the lights not to irritate Minthara’s sensitive eyes. You pull her chair out for her and rest your hand on her shoulder. She places her hand on yours and looks up at you.

You can practically hear her say, “Good jaluk,” with her eyes.

You could see some women elbow their husbands at your display of manners and love.

“Good,” you thought. You knew Minthara took joy at watching men quickly trying reenact your actions. You take your seat next to her and greet the newcomers to the table. The chatter of everyone finding their seats, you felt Minthara lean over and whisper into your ear, “You look wonderful, Jaluk.” You felt her finger ghost over your thigh for a moment. You clear your throat as you choke a down the urge to let out a soft moan. Her chuckle let you know this was the reaction she wanted. “Maybe I’ll give you a taste of tonight’s events.” You slowly turned your head towards her you almost give her a pleading look before you heard footsteps approach the podium on stage. You turn back towards the stage with your mind racing with thoughts of what she had planned for you. All attention was on the Elven man on stage as he began his speech.

“Good evening everyone, I would like to thank…” You brain cut him off when you left Minthara’s left hand squeeze your thigh.

“Gods is she really going to..?” You left her hand creep ever closer toward your length. You glance back at her, her eyes told you everything you needed to know. “Be quiet and eyes forward.” She began to palm your growing length, giving you a delicious amount for friction. You turned back and made yourself focus on anything because you knew the moment you allowed yourself to lose focus, your moans will escape from your lips and alerting everyone to what was going on under the table. Her hand movements begin to become more bold. It took you everything not to show how much you’re enjoying this. You felt her fingers begin to fiddle with the zipper on your trousers, the sensation made you flinch.

“Shit,” You mentally scold yourself. “She’s not going to be pleased by that.” You felt her give your thigh a light squeeze. That was your signal for your last chance to behave. She was being very lenient with you tonight. She continued gently rubbing her hand over length. You were aching under her touch. You could feel her enjoying this control over you. Right when you could feel yourself getting to the point of no return, her hand pulled away. It took all of your willpower not to whine in disappointment or sigh with relief that you didn’t have to break out an exit plan. You hear Minthara get called on stage to give a speech. Feel her brush your shoulder and watch the sway of hips strut past you and up to the stage. You’re completely enamored by her. The rest of the night went without anymore hiccups, but you were too distracted by what the rest of the night holds.

You arrived in the lobby of your apartment and waited for the elevator in silence. You swear Minthara could hear your heart about to burst out of your chest. Your cheeks begin to flush by the time the metal doors opened before you. The moment you walked through, you feel her hand rest on the back of your neck and pulls you into a kiss. It was hungry, like she hadn’t been touched in months. You feel her other hand grab your tie and to hold you in place. You look deep into her ruby eyes, full of want and lust.

“Jaluk,” You shiver at the word, “You performance was almost perfect. Almost.” She emphasized, her eyes slightly narrowed. The elevator dinged and you felt her drag you out by your tie as if it was a leash. She leads you to your front door before letting you go and stands there without a word. You at the hint and enter in the code into the keypad. You were quick to open the door, allowing her to walk through.

“Jaluk, come.” Releasing your tie, she walks straight toward the couch and takes a seat. She crosses her legs and waits for you to stand before her. Her eyes fixated on you. You wait for her commands. “Harl’il’cik.”

Without a second thought, you kneel before her, like a parzdiamo at his ilharess. She hums approvingly. You stay silent, you anticipated her next words. You wait for those words where everything starts.

“Are you ready to give yourself to me?”

You gulp and slowly nod. “Yes.”

“Good,” she says are she uncrosses her leg and slightly spreads them. You feel yourself begin to harden once more. She’s your queen, your goddess yet you’ve never said it out loud. You never needed to because she knew.

You reached for the slit of her long gown. As you slowly plant soft feather like kisses on her left leg. Once you’ve reached past her knees, you carefully spread her legs a bit farther to allow yourself to sit between them more comfortable. You could feel her eyes watching your every move. Your hands travel up her thighs to remove the delicate fabric underneath, yet your fingers only find smooth flesh. Your eyes widen and look up at her. You could feel yourself becoming more aroused and your cheeks becoming flushed. She looks at you with a satisfied smirk. She chuckles and rests her hand on your head. “What’s wrong, jaluk?”

“N-nothing, my-“ you were interrupted when you felt your hair roughly grabbed. You release a soft moan.

“Then show me.” Her voice firm yet a hint of lust hangs in the background. You’re more than willing to show her that nothing is the matter. You raise the rest of the dress up her legs until you could see for your own eyes the beauty hiding there. You feel her guiding your head towards her crotch. You’re more than happy to oblige her command. Your hands travel up her outer thighs, your face inching closer, and your thoughts only filled with her.

You gently grab her hips and pull her closer to edge of the couch. Your eyes flick to meet her eyes for a moment before taking a long broad lick of her folds. You continue licks her rhythmically before using your tongue gently flick her clit. Her soft sighs encouraging you to continue. You begin to pay attention to give her inner walls by probing with your tongue. Your actions were performed with great precision to ensure her pleasure. When you feel she was wet enough, you slowly inserted a finger. Her moans and heavy breathing egged you on to continue your goal to provide her pleasure. Inserting another finger, you begin to stroke her silken walls. Hitting every spot that makes her tighten around you.

Her moans and sighs were like a song you’ve played for years. The moment you feel her pull your face closer to her, you could tell she’s close to coming undone. You feel her quiver around your finger, a shiver runs through your body.

“Use your tongue,” she said almost breathlessly. Quick to follow your queen’s order, you swiftly replace your fingers with your tongue and devoured her like this was your first meal in years. Her hand painfully tight in your hair, but ignored it for her pleasure. Her hips grinding against your face, you pull her closer. Focusing all your attention on her little sounds and movements. Soon you feel her coming undone on your tongue. Her taste, smell, and cries are intoxicating. You were lost in thought, allowing her to ride out her orgasm before you were suddenly pulled away from her core. She lightly pulls your head back to examine her handy work. Her face was flushed and her chest heaving. The sight of her almost made you spill over.

“What a mess,” her husky and her hooded eyes look down on you. Her hand strokes your cheek then tilts your chin toward her. She pulls you into a kiss, tasting herself off your lips. “I believe it time for you to properly receive your reward.” A wicked smile crossed her lips. Your night was far from over.

[writernopal]

So I did it...kind of! 😅

Well, my friends, it is the last day of Nano, and I survived! Now let's see how I did by the stats...

That's 25,032/50,000 or 50.06% if screenshots aren't your jive. Which means no Nano win 😢

HOWEVER

I REFUSE TO COME OUT OF THIS CALLING MYSELF A LOSER

I am so fucking proud of myself. Not only do I have 25K more words than I did at the start of the month for AASOAF 3, but I also wrote 8,789 words for M.O.W, bringing me to a cool 33,821 words for November.

That is like actually insane output for me, especially because I have never worked on more than one WIP at a time. Frankly, I didn't think it was possible yet here I am doing it! And I learned and refined so much about my writing, editing, and ideation process!! I used writing sprints for the first time. I implemented new productivity practices, like making little phone prisons (pic below the cut bc they turned out so cute haha). I sharpened up my style and spruced up the bits that make it special. I read a passage from AASOAF 1 the other day bc I was feeling nostalgic and compared it to AASOAF 3 HOLY MAMA the difference is INSANE.

And all of this while still dealing with life 😭 Family commitments, stressful work deadlines, trying to prevent burnout (which hit me anyway rip), unexpected job hunting (resume and interview prep can fuck right off, but wish me luck it's still in flux), and trying to find time for myself (rip my BG3 solo campaign. i miss my computer boyfriends lol). It also occurred to me that I should stop drinking coffee (still going strong btw!) bc it was meshing VERY poorly with my SAD so I've been having more cranky days than non-cranky ones 😅.

Oh, and *shuffles through notes* did I also mention that I've been working on the AASOAF 3 companion material which is all uncharted territory that I am figuring out by the seat of my pants lol? Yeah, that too.

SO

Would I have liked to hit 50K? hell yeah

Did I win nano? no

But did I WIN nano? FUCK YEAH

ps: everyone is a nano winner in my heart. have a medal and a hot chocolate (or any warm beverage of your choice) 🥇☕

^ phone prison

[vera-king-hrfl]

2024 Writing Reflections

Thank you for the tag, @graysparrowao3

I had to think about this a bit. My personal life has been ridiculously stressful, especially the past 3 months, and writing has helped me through it. So, every word I've written and published has been special and important because it serves that purpose, even if no one reads or enjoys it but me.

But then, some people actually do enjoy my work, which is just amazing. So now, yes I still write for myself, but also because it sometimes brings other people happiness, or at least distraction. Maybe a few might get a deeper meaning from some of it or really enjoy my style.

I also really like reading all the amazing stuff my lovely and talented mutuals write, and looking at all your beautiful artwork. This whole experience has been amazing and I hope I can share another year of it with you all. ❤️

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

Tumblr and Ao3, honestly. I started writing on reddit, but that was definitely not serving me. People can be so nasty over there, I don't understand it. But it was suggested to me to move over to Tumblr and post on Ao3 and I never looked back. I never realized that there could be a social media site that wasn't a seething mass of hate and vitriol. Everyone here is so nice, and if they don't like my writing, they just ignore me, which is fantastic! 

How has your writing developed this past year?

I started out writing bg3 fanfiction very formal. The structure and language and events were, if not boring, at least kind of stilted and serious. I've learned to inject a lot more levity into my writing and really tried to stop taking it all so seriously. I like writing boring stuff! Lord of the Rings is boring af and it's one of my favorite books. But it does get old and it helps to flex my literary muscles into different styles. 

Bad writing habits?

This has nothing to do with the product itself, but I tend to write everything on my phone. It's really convenient and I can take it anywhere, but my notes and wips are really messy, scattered across about 4 apps, and I've developed tendinitis. 

Favorite thing you wrote?

I think that would have to be the most recent one, Heat of the Night. The title is tongue in cheek, meant to mimic those 80s sitcoms and crime dramas, soap operas, all the stuff I grew up with. The story is the same way. I toss my characters into a modern/80s setting, with all the cliches, language, fashion and technology that entails. I did change a bit because it's an AU (they have cellphones, which weren't really a thing in the 80s, and personal vehicles don't exist. Everyone either teleports or takes public transit.) But it's really fun to write and there really aren't any tropes or plotlines or events that won't fit somewhere in it. Mood writing at it's finest. 😁

Biggest win?

@crowwolf my bestie. I can't believe I found someone so great to talk to and help with my writing. It started out as her just giving sweet compliments and enjoying my weirdness, but she's been so supportive and inspiring that it became much more than that. Now we're collaborating, and I don’t think we've gone a day without talking in months. ❤️

Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?

Aside from "Cal" and "Ryldinn", my most commonly used word in my most recent fic is "little". I've decided that the tieflings are big, especially the men, and the other main characters are much smaller, but I should thesaurus it a bit more. 😅 There are also, as mentioned by @graysparrowao3 many mentions of breathing, chuckling, huffing, snorting, scoffing, giggling, and descriptions of facial expressions. 

Goals for the new year?

Finish some stuff! I should be able to close out a few wips pretty soon, but the new one is being written so it can be converted into an original, that will actually take place in 1980s Miami, with more original story and characters. It's a series too, so publishing the first installment as an original would be amazing. 

What are you excited for in the new year?

I've recently started going out of my comfort zone a little and writing scenes and plotlines that are more challenging. A large dinner party scene, an operatic ballet, and a mystery where I have to keep 39 tieflings accounted for are among them. So just more of that, I suppose. I've already started converting the characters, figuring out names and origins, and working out relationships and plot points for my original, and that's pretty exciting.

I'm not tagging anyone else specifically because I don't know who's been tagged or who wants to play, but if you follow me and see this on your dash, please consider it an invitation to share, if you want to. 😊

[callsignfate]

Valeria x Chaotic wife Pt. 7

(Sorry for the delay in posting, I've been busy and playing BG3 in my free time. I have a few more posts for today I hope to post!)

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

Valeria: *peacefully working while you relax on the couch quietly on your phone.*

R/N: Do your little spongebobs ever run around the endless fires in your head and lose your train of thought, but make you remember a random memory?

Valeria: I think instead of energy drinks and endless screen time, we should get you a therapist.

R/N: So is that a no?

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N: The world is my oyster, so I'm going to try something new!

Valeria: That sounds like a good idea. It gives me time to finish my paperwork.

*An hour later, R/N comes walking in with torn up and dirty clothes.*

R/N: They oyster tried to eat me.

Valeria: I'm not even going to ask-

R/N: I tried rock climbing- I didn't know you needed gear

Valeria: ...

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

Valeria: Can you think, I mean, can you use more than your three brain cells to do this properly.

R/N: I'm only doing things with the available amount of brain cells I have. If you think I'm only doing something with two brain cells, then I only have two to spare.

Valeria: ...it sadly makes so much sense.

R/N: sadly?

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N: it's beginning to look a lot like ch-

Valeria: *throwing a stapler off her desk at you* SHUT. UP. ITS STILL OCTOBER.

R/N: I like spooky season, but blame the stores already putting up Christmas decorations..

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N: I like to think I'm well rounded.

Valeria: ..in getting yourself injured?

R/N: In life.

Valeria: ...taxes, making your own doctors appointments, making phone calls.. need I go on?

R/N: ...no.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

Valeria: So.. have you learned anything?

R/N: Ask Valeria before we try to leave?

Valeria: No- well, yes, but no, I meant DONT FOLLOW STRANGERS IF THEY SAY THEY HAVE ANIMALS.

R/N: ...right right.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

Valeria: Oh, we also need to go- where the fuck did she go?!

*R/N who got distracted by touching soft things.*

R/N: Val- VAL?!

Over the store intercom 5 minutes later: Valeria Garza, your child is waiting for you at cash register 5.

Valeria: Oh for christ sake.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N: I need to pee.

Valeria: then go pee.

R/N: I don't pee in store bathrooms.

Valeria: ... then where do you pee?

R/N: Only at home... duh.

Valeria: ...

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

*Valeria after taking you home after you had a allergic reaction to food you ate.*

Valeria: YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU WERE ALLERGIC TO THINGS.

R/N: I forgot?

Valeria: YOU NEARLY DIED.

R/N: Wasn't even that good..

Valeria: THATS WHAT YOUR WORRIED ABOUT?

R/N: ...thought it would taste better.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

🍗 BG3 Modern AU: Harvest Feast [Thanksgiving] Dinner Edition 🥔

A/N: Obviously, Thanksgiving doesn't exist in this universe. I mean a version could exist. There have been so many wars and fights within realms, a big ironic, disarming feast technically could have happened before some bloodshed and genocide. I’m not a DND expert. But I think with a little creative licensing, you could twist this concept more into a Harvest Festival feast sort of thing. Just go with it, I wrote it on my phone while hiding from my family members. 

Astarion: 

You remember that one vine that’s like, “Everyone has a gay cousin. Bitch, I don’t have a gay cousin… Oh, oh I am the gay cousin.” That’s him- he's the gay cousin. Always crushes it at charades. Like, he’s the unbeaten champion, for four years running. 

Gale: 

The host with the most. Always cooking new variations of the same meals. Some are good. Others, like his minimalist, organic tofu vegan recipe for turkey, are better left off as concepts, not executions. 

Wyll: 

Always brings the best dessert. And is the one to kick off the conversation at dinnertime. Either about his time as the Blade of Frontiers or about what’s currently happening in the capitol. The one cousin you’re most likely to learn is actually a secret gossip. 

Karlach: 

That one grown-up who prefers the kids to table to the grown-ups' tables. Always down to start a game outside before dinner is ready. Gets teasingly scolded by Astarion for making a bigger mess rolling around outside in the dirt than the actual children. 

La’zel:

Looks super badass when she arrives on her motorcycle. Shows up, eats, and then dips out back to hang out with Minthara for a smoke. That one intimidating, quiet cousin who everybody lowkey fears, and tries really hard not to provoke. 

Shadowheart: 

Did someone say WINE AUNT? No, seriously, she always brings the booze for the grown-ups. (Also in charge of bringing the pot, which is why La’zel and Minthara let her join them behind the garage.) She also always manages to look so put together. Not having children looks really good on her lol. 

Halsin: 

The kind of guy who goes out and hunts his own damn turkey, plucks in, and cooks it- all outdoors, without any sort of fancy oven or cookware technology. He’s got like a dirt hole firepit and a cover but always ends up making the most delicious turkey you’ve ever had in your life?? Says all he uses is salt and pepper but you know damn well, he’s lying. 

Minthara: 

The cool goth cousin you were always too intimidated to talk to as a child but who you grew up to really admire as an adult. She only comes to avoid the annoying guilt-tripping she’d have to endure should she skip. Is surprisingly personable once you get her high- almost like a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on. 

Bonus! Jaheira:

Your one Aunt who’s always exhausted, probably from having to rope her grown-ass children into doing normal things together as a family. Constantly can be heard whispering threats under her breath to them at the dinner table. Is always super nice and supportive to you though. 

Bonus! Minsc: 

Your outlier, kind of nuts Uncle who occasionally talks in the third person. Possibly from a head injury or maybe he was born like this. You can never get a straight answer. But he’s abstractly wise once you stop judging him by his initial appearance, and listen to what he has to say. Just don’t ask him about anything tangible like the moon landing, or if birds are real. Otherwise, you’re in for a long night. 

[themadlu]

WIP Wednesday

Days of the week are a social construct, ok? Don't judge me and my bad prioritisation skills please.

Tagged by the amazing @vixstarria, thanks!

Sooo, I have been busy with a new job and travelling for said job recently, plus exams for a possible career change, so I haven't had as much time to write for fun. I'm also struggling with inspiration, but to make up for the longer waiting time between stories, here are two excerpts.

One is from my Astarion and Zélie longfic Dutiful As Death, and the other is for a new series with another BG3 OC that I'm still unsure whether to post on Tumblr or keep on AO3. Let's see if anyone guesses who the poor lass is doomed to fall for (he isn't happy about it either).

Dutiful As Death (Ch. 2)

She is on a beach. A beach that is not the one from her childhood, or from anywhere she has been before. She was high in the mountains and she is now somewhere else entirely.  Right. Breathe. In. Out.  The world spins as she sits up, but her trained breathing eventually helps her settle down. Still crouched, Zélie studies her surroundings, taking in every detail that can clue her to where she is.  She is on a cliff.  She is facing not the ocean as she thought but a river—an impressively wide one at that. Discontent weaves through her when she realises the area is unfamiliar to her.  Not Biarritz then. Nowhere else close to home either.  She instinctively searches her pockets for her phone before remembering she left it in the car in her rush to follow Percy. Worry for her brother’s safety mounts in her chest, but she forces it to subside. Nothing good ever comes from allowing fear to be in control. She survived so that she could search for her brother. She will not waste precious time with counterproductive worry.  Master your circumstances not to be mastered by them, Grandmama’s voice rings in her ears, authoritative even when distributing advice

Foul No More (some chapter somewhere)

"Listen, mate, I dunno who it is you think you are, but lemme spell it out: I. Am. Not. Sending. Any. Of. My. Crew. Back. There. I won't say that again. Now, I'm drinkin', you're leaving." He was close enough that he would have spotted the hard base of her horns peeking through her forehead like an oversized scab. Thankfully, he was too enraged (or too ignorant of anything non-human) to notice. Chiyo felt chastisement radiate from the blooming bruise on his right cheek already turning a dark purple. She was aware she should have at least tried to solve things diplomatically at the Grove's entrance. She was usually better at cooling things off (such a bore even fistfights lose their pathos), but that blasted man and the obscenities he spewed, he was begging to be hit. Maybe Bahamut put him on her path as a test of her wisdom and patience. She would say a little prayer to her god later on. Just to check. "I am not saying you should send your crew," Chiyo allowed, staring at the human's flaring nostrils. "I am saying you should come yourself. You know the way, you can show us around. We'd be much quicker." If looks could kill, she would be a pile of ashes now. The man's eyes bulged and he took a half-step closer, towering over her. His crew mates eyed her with anger. "And why would I walk to my death when I just escaped it, under-half-breed? We're done. Feck. Off." He all but spat through his teeth before turning his back to her to stomp to a nearby chair. Perfect angle for a kick in the backside. He was definitely Bahamut's doing. "Because you haven't seen your companions' bodies, have you?" Chiyo chided. Then, with more grace than she thought she could muster, "They may still be alive. Will you let them rot in a goblin's prison because you gave up on them so easily?" The tawny man stopped in his tracks.

Tagging (no pressure) @amywritesthings and anyone whoo feels like sharing!

[sweeter-innocence-fics]

You Brought Your Worst and I'm Right Here - Chapter One: Prologue

Pairing: Gale of Waterdeep x female Tav

Work Summary:

After an explosive falling out between Gale and his academic adviser, Mystra, Tav is left to pick up the pieces.

Modern/College AU.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Epilogue

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 790

Read on AO3.

Masterlists.

Taglist: @mrs-kai-anderson @ang3l1te @missryerye

Taglist info

Notes:

Hi guys, I can't stop playing BG3, please send help.

I'm planning on updating this fic every Monday <3

Major major warnings for grooming, suicidal ideation/suicide attempt, mental health problems

---

In retrospect, Tav should’ve seen it coming. As it was, she was woefully unprepared for what was about to become to worst day of her life.

She had spent most of her day at the university library trying to finish up a lab report, and she felt like her brain was about to drip out of her ears.

What she really needed was a pizza and a stiff drink. As soon as she’d submitted her report, she was planning on eating herself into a food coma and then sleeping for eighteen hours.

She had re-read her report three times, and every single time she’d caught more typos. Normally, she’d get Gale to check it for her before submitting but she hadn’t seen him today and she didn’t want to have to wait around for him to respond.

She really should read it over one more time. That was precisely what she was thinking as she pressed the button to upload the report to her uni portal. As soon as that was done, she relished the feeling of closing down all of the tabs that had been bothering her for hours and then logging out of the library computer.

She checked her phone to see if anyone else had responded to her message from earlier where she’d suggested they get a takeaway.

Gale still hadn’t responded, although all the rest of her flatmates had. That wasn’t all that surprising. He could be a bit of a hermit, particularly recently. He was never one to say no to pizza though. She was sure she could tempt him when she got home.

Astarion was out this evening, but her other two flatmates had seemed keen as well.

The bus home was predictably crowded. Tav squeezed herself into a corner against the wall and willed her eyes to stay open for the duration of the journey. It was raining when she stepped off the bus.

By the time she’d made it to her street, cold rivulets of water were running down from her hairline to her chin. She shivered, glad that she had opted to leave her laptop at home today because her rucksack was getting worryingly damp.

It took her three tries to get her key to turn. The lock was stiff. Their landlord had advised them to put Vaseline on it to prevent this problem. Tav thought that if the lock was stiff enough to need Vaseline, then the landlord should’ve replaced it. He didn’t agree.

Finally, mercifully, the door opened, and she stepped inside.

A movie that Tav didn’t recognise was playing on the TV. Jenevelle, affectionately nicknamed Shadowheart because of her emo tendencies, was stretched out on the sofa, fast asleep.

Shadowheart was a medical student. Tav considered her workload to be slightly insane, and it wasn’t the first time she’d come home to find her passed out on the couch. Luckily, Tav knew her order off by heart, so she didn’t have to wake her until the food arrived.

Wyll was nowhere to be seen. She supposed that maybe he wasn’t home yet. Her stomach gave a loud grumble as she hung up her coat and deposited her rucksack on the radiator to dry. She shook out her hair and made for the stairs.

Gale’s bedroom door was closed. She knocked on it gently, and when she got no response, more forcefully.

“Gale?”

She had the strangest sinking feeling in her gut. Something was wrong. There was no light coming through the crack under his door. If Gale wasn’t home, why would his door be closed? None of them ever left their door shut when they went out (except for Astarion).

Maybe he was sleeping?

“Gale?” she called, louder this time. There was still no response. She rattled the door handle, and was relieved to find that it wasn’t locked. The door opened. She hoped he wouldn’t mind her intrusion, but she could handle him being annoyed if it meant quelling her anxiety.

It was very dark. She could just about make out the shape of him on his bed.

“Gale?” Even to herself, her voice sounded strange, too loud in the quiet of his room. “Gale?”

She took a tentative step towards him. Her eyes were adjusting to the light, and that’s when she saw the empty bottle of pills, lying discarded beside his bed.

She rushed to his side, grabbing his arm, but he didn’t react at all. She shook him, but his body was limp. Even in the dark, she could see the traces of vomit around his mouth. An inhuman scream ripped through her as she continued to shake him.

Somewhere far behind her, she heard the front door close.

“SHADOWHEART!” she screamed. “JEN? JEN!”

Next Chapter

[plethomacademia]

HI!!!!!!

13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

HELLOO answering these 13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

I am curious if these are common but I definitely give things a pass by reading them outloud, even if I just barely voice them. Getting words in my mouth helps me find rough points. I also write down every idea I get when I get it if I can. So I have a phone note and a notebook. I have adhd so I have to just make sure things don't get lost.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

I LOVE DOING TITLES. Usually I get inspiration halfway and it will just click in my brain. Almost all of my fics on AO3 had no title when I started, then halfway through the draft a couple nouns will pop in my head. My secret santa fic title is the only one I can think of that didn't follow that rule but the process went like:

"What should this be titled? Oh it's Hothouse."

I have no idea where these come from! It feels like I am being haunted by a title ghost.

The only exception is the long fic where I have a meta game where I try to name every chapter with a quote from the game, but I only manage this half of the time.

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I am very repetitive so by definition yes. I use a lot of the same words. I like to play with combining them differently.

I did notice rereading some older work I never posted that I love the phrase "feel the lack," idk if that is from something but apparently I have been using it for a decade.

And yeah the theme is feminism and the consumption of women and the competing expectations of being a woman usually LOL. I am a cis woman in a male dominated field in my late 30s who wants to have kids soon, my entire life is this theme so it makes sense that's what I currently want to roll around in.

The other thing I like to do is take a character that is pitched as not normal, like a villain or a monster, and find the human squishy part. Why are they just people in the end, that's what I want to play with. I think that's why I love BG3's cast so much.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Y'all, I am about to throw hands with Volo.

I spent...way too much time googling locations in Waterdeep and finally broke down and bought Volo's Waterdeep Enchiridion for the sake of my sanity.

Surely the "Visitor's Guide to the City of Splendors" would include helpful info like a list of taverns.

Surely.

NOPE. IT MOST CERTAINLY DOES NOT.

Yeah, it hints at a few and don't get me wrong, I'm hype to see the other info about Waterdeep because of two future chapters I wanna write that are gonna be set there.

BUT. I am sorely tempted to stop writing and go kick his ass in BG3 out of spite.

Alas, I must exercise self-control, BUT HE'S IN MY CAMP IN GAME AND HE BETTER HOPE I FORGIVE HIM BEFORE I LOG BACK IN.

Sidenote, I'm on my actual laptop instead of doing EVERYTHING ON MY PHONE LIKE A PSYCHOPATH and god it's so much easier and faster. I wrote that whole ass 8k Hazbin fic on my phone. I've written and edited a significant portion of THIS fic on my phone. All because it creates less hurdles for my executive function and helps trick my brain into accepting my writing doesn't have to be perfect (*gasp*) because phone writing is fake writing (don't tell my brain otherwise).

The most consistently I ever wrote in my life was when I worked as a bank teller and had a little notebook I'd whip out between customers. Having Google Docs on my phone is pretty damn close to that. I can be in the doc and typing happily away before my brain derails me with OCD spirals like "this is terrible, you should give up" or "why do you think anyone would ever want to read something like this" or "you're never going to finish this."

I spent literal YEARS convinced I was never going to write again because of said OCD spirals (definitely didn't realize that recently *borderline hysterical laughter*) and executive dysfunction. I cannot tell you how fucking nice it is to finally be writing regularly again and to have been at it for months now. I didn't think this would ever happen again. It makes me a little emotional.

But yeah, Volo your days are fucking numbered you Shakespeare-lookin'-ass-bitch.

(No ill will intended to the folks who actually wrote the book. I’m just being a deranged silly goose.)

[rodolfoparras]

I don't even remember sending in another ask tbh I could've done it when like half asleep💀 sometimes I wake up with a random thought and just go !! I should tell Alec !!

I actually had Venus as an oc before bg3, he was kinda a rough draft LOTR oc that I felt didn't quite fit into the universe so once I got into d&d/bg3, I transferred Venus there !!

It was also because of Astarion I put Venus into bg3 !! I thought it'd be neat if they had a best friend/sibling dynamic where they both help each other adjust to life out of imprisonment :')

currently working on his design but hh my drawing pen is broken😖 so I'm using picrews to get an idea for him

Also tysm 🔮 !! Ur Tav seems so cool too !! :3 would love to hear more about him

-🌱

Sugar pls!!! You’re so sweet for thinking of me thank you!!😭 also hello the fact that you not only are able to draw but that you also draw him!?? I absolutely love how creative you are!! Also a really good app to use if you don’t have a drawing tablet is ibispaint x!! It pretty much works as great as any other drawing program except it’s on your phone or iPad!