#i think there are stories where therapy language makes sense

[please-dont-pet-the-okapi]

Thinking about the whole complaint that so many characters these days are too self-aware about their mental health, or use modern therapy-language in an unrealistically casual way.

I think part of this is we've forgotten that it's possible to write about characters (to use our modern language) healing from trauma without using therapy language to describe their experiences.

But the thing is, people have been writing about mental health for thousands of years. Thomas Hoccleve describes himself having what we would call a mental breakdown. Margery Kempe's book of visions opens with her going through post-partum depression. But the language they use is different because of when they lived.

So in light of that, I think it's important to consider what language your character would realistically use.

[vanilladove]

Hello, I am writing to you anonymously out of shame but you can call me Emy I was reading your blog and I was totally delighted with how you wrote and I wanted to make a request: could you write for Chuuya, Jouno, Dazai and Poe (you can add more if you like) with a reader like Mikan from danganronpa If you don't know her, her personality is a little (very) shy and she is surprised by the slightest show of affection (she is even surprised if you say good morning), often despising herself, asking others to forgive her existence and when people Annoyed with her, she tends to ask if she can take off her clothes or imitate a pig so that they can forgive her for all this because she suffered harassment in the past. I'm sorry if the request is very big 😭 but I would be grateful if you accept it (nothing happens if you don't either) I'm sorry if there are spelling errors but English is not my first language and I am using Google Translator. ♡

⋆˚࿔ ˚⋆ bsd men with a v shy + fragile reader

bow divider yeribbon

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: various bsd men x gn!reader (dazai, atsushi, chuuya, akutagawa, jouno, poe)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: comforting fluff!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: none! also i'm not v familiar with daganronpa, so apologies for any inaccuracies! i'm just going off what wiki fandom says (。-∀-)

⊹ ࣪ ˖ dazai osamu

doesn't mind your personality, although at first he teases you mercilessly until he realizes it isn't just an act.

as someone that has also gone through trauma, he would gradually soften up to your personality and reassure you of your worth.

dazai is a very impatient man though, so expect his method of choice to be exposure therapy...like extreme exposure therapy...like bro might slap some sense into you like atsushi & akutagawa ( ó × ò)

when you start over-apologizing, he'll put a finger to your lips and stroke your face and hair to calm you down (ღˇᴗˇ)｡o

expect lots of subtle displays of affection like hand kisses, kissing away tears, and general affectionate flirting.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ atsushi nakajima

your demeanor confuses atsushi at first, to the point where he cries after the first time he meets you :,(

you're going to get a sentimental, heartfelt speech about how you deserve to live, and how you aren't a burden to anyone.

poor atsu cries over you--you guys probably have daily cry + cuddle sessions.

will do random things to cheer you up and give you many words of affirmation.

buys you a tiger plushie sprayed with his cologne to cuddle with when he isn't with you for comfort ♡

i'd like to think that through helping you, atsushi also helps address his own self-esteem issues ^w^

⊹ ࣪ ˖ akutagawa ryunosuke

hates you at first and sees you as a cowardly weakling.

it isn't until one day he randomly compliments or helps you and catches your shy/flustered expression that he begins to feel some sympathy.

will gradually visit you more until you stop flinching whenever he approaches you. he can tell you're intimidated by him because of his personality and notorious reputation.

it's definitely hard for akutagawa to be soft with you, since he's a rough person, but he tries his best to be gentle with you.

shows his care through actions more than words (sharing food with you, doing constant check-ins, guiding your back when walking with you, etc.)

promises threatens to kill those who have harmed and harassed you in the past.

becomes overprotective over you, getting mad when anyone--even jokingly--teases you.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ chuuya nakahara

tough love~!!!

expect a lot of "huh, what the hell are you talking about?" anytime you apologize for something small or suggest some self-sabotage

since you aren't used to affection and often try to reject gifts, thinking you aren't worth giving them to, chuuya will 'lovebomb' you with gifts until you get used to them as the norm and accept them willingly.

although he may seem short-tempered and easily irritated, he'll always make time to sit down with you and listen to your rants/past stories and engage in deep conversations.

holds your hands and reminds you of how strong and talented you are--will keep drilling it into your head until it sticks.

carries tissues in his suit for when you cry.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ edgar allen poe

this man may be your twin...honestly he's a bit of a mess himself, so he doesn't know how to help you.

i think poe would be relieved to find someone similar to him--also very shy and awkward/bad at socializing.

if you started apologizing when there was a pause in conversation, he would probably apologize back, and you two would go back and forth until karl bites him (꒪▿꒪)

since you both mainly only find confidence in your talents/skills, he would get to know your strengths as much as possible and encourage you to do your best!

will also share his book plots with you, taking you with him into the books and getting your feedback, never missing the chance to show you something beautiful he secretly wrote just for you

overall, poe would make you feel less alone and isolated, helping you gain confidence overtime!

⊹ ࣪ ˖ jouno saigiku

since you're already so fragile and frantic, jouno wouldn't find any pleasure in torturing or messing with you

ends up helping you under the pretense of "calming down your raging heartbeat and nerves that are too loud"; in reality, he notices how you're always on edge and just wants you to experience some peace and quiet.

jouno's sensitive to others' emotions, so i think if you were having a panic attack or extreme anxiety, he'd immediately hug + hold you until you calmed down again (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

like the rest, he'd offer you words of affirmation and hold your hand in public/around other people.

will stick around you to ward off anyone who tries to bully you or exploit your personality; blushes uncontrollably if you thank him for his simple acts ♡

[wosoamazing]

Different but not weird

McFoord x Child!R

Everything in italics is sign language.

Warnings: Mention of premature birth (corrected ages - nothing in depth), hearing loss, cochlear implants A/N: Not proof read properly and this is probably boring but yeah, hope you like it. (Also thank you to @alotofpockets for the help in coming up with an idea for this fic)

You were still in the NICU when Katie and Caitlin adopted you, having signed up for fostering to adopt just days before they met you. When the phone call began with “We know it may not be what you’re looking for and it might be a lot to take on,” they were hesitant, agreeing to just meet you and not agreeing to anything yet, wanting to see you and talk to the doctors and nurses to get more of a background on you. However you stole their hearts when they met you and they decided on that day they were going to adopt you. You were very small and spent quite some time in the NICU after they signed up to foster you. There were some concerns over your hearing during your time in the NICU, you had failed your AOAE and all subsequent tests. They thought it was possible it was because you were a premie and that maybe it would improve, however it didn’t, it stayed the same. So at 6 months (corrected age) you underwent surgery to have cochlear implants placed, before undergoing speech therapy.

“Ears” your Mum asked as you furiously shook your head, “Where did you put them?” she sighed. The most expensive item you owned by far was ‘lost’ somewhere on camp. 

“Looking for these?” One of the physios said as she walked up behind Caitlin, causing your Mum to jump slightly, “Oh story didn’t mean to scare you. She handed them to me during training and told me to hold onto them, and not lose them because you would get mad,”

“Thank you,” you Mum sighed as she took them, you were at an age now where you had started realising you were different. You had noticed how the other kids didn’t have to wear things on the back of their ears, with wires that connected to magnets that stuck on their head, and your Mum had a slight suspicion that another kid at preschool had said something to you about them.

“Why don’t you want to wear your ears?” Your Mum asked you as she sat down next to you, you were now sitting at the small table in the empty common room as you coloured in.

“Weird,” you replied.

“Do you think they make you weird?” she questioned further, and you nodded, “why do you think that? Because they definitely don’t,” you just looked at her blankly, “Did someone at school say something?” you nodded your head at her slightly, before grabbing your ears to put them back on.

“Said it was weird I had magnets on my head, started to stick things to them when I didn’t have my ears on,” you told her.

“That’s not right, did you tell your teacher? He shouldn’t have done that, next time anyone says something hurtful about your ears you need to tell one of your teachers or at least me or Ma okay,” you nodded, “and you absolutely need to tell a trusted adult when someone is touching your body without your permission and in ways that make you feel uncomfortable okay?” she told you with a sterner voice this time, causing some tears to fall from your eyes, “hey chook, you have no reason to be upset, you’ve done nothing wrong, do you want to have an ear break for the rest of the day? You can put them back on whenever you want, but you can absolutely take them out if you want to, like you always can, you just need to make sure you tell me or Ma when you do so,” you nodded before taking the magnets off your head and handing them to your Mum.

_____

“Hey, y/n/n, how is my best buddy going?” Macca exclaimed as she entered the common room, before looking at Caitlin when you didn’t respond, your Mum had done individual training today so they hadn’t seen you yet.

“She can't hear you,” your Mum sighed.

“Oh, is there something going on?” the goalkeeper asked as she sat down next to your MUm, sensing her worry.

“A kid at her preschool told her she was weird because she had magnets stuck to her head, and then apparently when she hasn’t been wearing her implants, he has been sticking things to her head. I am just honestly so mad that the school hasn’t noticed the fact someone is doing this to her, but also that they clearly haven’t properly explained to the kids what they are and how they help even though they told us they would. I just don’t know what to do, I can't force her to wear them but when so few people can communicate with her at things like tomorrow if she doesn’t wear them, I almost have to make her wear them.”

“What if I spoke to her, showed her that I have things to help me hear too. Would that help?” 

“Maybe, are you sure though?” “Of course Cait, I’m here to help, and this is something I would love to help her with, it took me a while to be comfortable with it and so I can’t imagine what it’s like as a kid finding your sense of self and with kids teasing you,”

“Is it alright if I call Katie while you talk to her? I need to tell her,” 

“Of course, I’ve got chook, don’t worry.”

“Katie, do you have time to talk? It’s important,”

“Of course Cait, just give me a sec and I’ll go up to my room. How was training today?”

“Yeah good, it was just me, just as a precaution but yeah,”

“Okay, I’m in my room now, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“We need to move y/n preschools and have a serious conversation with our current preschool. She took her ears off during training and when I asked why she didn’t want to wear them she told me they are weird. Some kid at preschool has said she is weird for having magnets on her head and he has been sticking things to her head when she hasn’t had her ears on,”

“What, no that's wrong, we’re moving her and putting in a complaint, how haven't they seen it happen, they surely can’t be supervising correctly.” Katie paused, “Shit, Cait, I’m so fucking sorry, I need to go, I forgot we had an extra team meeting today. But I promise you, we will talk this through further and we will fix this for her.” Katie said before she hung up and proceeded to message Steph to see if she could check on Caitlin.

“Mummy, did you know Macca has hearing aids! She’s so cool, does that mean I’m cool?” you asked as you saw Steph and your Mum enter the room.

“You are always cool chook. No matter what anyone else thinks. You will always be cool and amazing and perfect,” She told you as she picked you up.“I’m sorry for not telling you and Ma and for making you worried and upset. I promise I’ll tell you next time.” “It’s okay chook. I love you so much, never forget that.” She told you as she held you slightly tighter and you buried your head in her neck.

[morganbritton132]

Idk if you’ve mentioned it before but what is everyone in the Party’s jobs?? We already know Erica is a kickass politician and Lucas is the family embarrassment doctor but what does everyone else do besides bug Steve lol?

Also is Dustin still with Susie or did that ship sail away in the EMTTS?? <333

So, fun fact about me: I am not a big fan of future AUs. I don’t particularly like reading them and I’ve never written one prior to the Tiktok Saga. I think the problem I have with them is that it’s really hard to determine where a character should be thirty-odd years down the road. How or why a one-off post about Eddie being bad with technology turned into all this, I do not know.

I don’t have everybody’s job picked out because I don’t really think about it until it’s relevant to the story, but luckily, I do spend way too much time thinking about this AU so I have few that haven’t been mentioned.

The ones that have been mentioned: Steve is a teacher, Eddie’s a musician, Nancy’s a journalist, Jonathan’s a photographer, Lucas is a doctor, and Erica is a senator.

I think Argyle owns a very successful marijuana dispensary in California where him and Jonathan live and it gives him the freedom to travel with Jonathan when he goes out of town for business. Argyle just has the vibe that should not be working a nine-to-five. Also, I think that Argyle as an old man stoner with long completely gray hair is just so cool.

Robin is also a teacher, but she teaches at a university in the linguistics department. She spoke four languages when she joined the party, she now speaks nine. She’s written a book. She has a kickass rating on Rate My Professor. She’s likely the front runner to take over the department once the current dean retires next year.

I really like the idea of Max becoming a physical therapist. She had a long road to recovery after Venca and spent over a year in physical therapy just learning how to walk again. She knows what it’s like. She knows when and how hard to push her patients, and she’s good at the job. This also makes Max a doctor so Erica includes Max when she says that Lucas is the worst Sinclair.

I’m less defined on what kind of careers that Will, Mike, and El have. I just haven’t found a job that I’m like, yes, that makes perfect sense for that character. I do think that Will has a career where he can be creative and that he’s successful, I just haven’t narrowed it down to what exactly he does.

Mike and El, on the other hand, I have no idea. I mentioned before that Mike had a band that opened up for Eddie on CC’s first national tour and I imagine that he did one summer or during his gap year before college (if he went to college). El, I like to think, travels a lot and has got to see the world and be free of the responsibility of saving the world. But those two, I think, are tough to pin down to a specific career.

Now, for Dustin.

Dustin has had a very successful career as a researcher and his career has taken him all over the world. Now what exactly does he research? That’s up to you. This man is a scientist and that’s all Steve and Eddie can tell you about Dustin’s job because it’s just over of their heads. He loves it and that’s all they need to know.

Dustin and Suzie are currently not together. They have dated off and on since they’ve known each other and have always split on good terms. It has just always been the wrong time for them because when they’re together, they’re great. They hit it off and decide to start dating again, and then they just get busy. They’re both top of their field and work crazy long hours all over the world, and the cost of that is their relationship.

I think they both kinda know that one day, they’ll meet up at the right time, but for now, they’re good friends and they date other people. Steve thinks that they’re soulmates and he’ll randomly give Dustin an update that Suzie is single again. Dustin is always like, “How do you know that?”

“We’re friends on Facebook.”

[russellsppttemplates]

We'll be just fine (Pierre Gasly

Misunderstandings take a toll on your and Pierre's marriage

Note: english is not my first language. this is another long piece that I hope will make me keep up with posting a bit more regularly, and while I'm pretty sure it's not that good, as I'm not the best at writing angst, I'm working on it so I hope this is at least not awful.

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: miscommunication, drinking heavily, curse words

You walked around your bedroom, grabbing the last few things before you left the house to go out with your friends for some food and drinks, thinking of texting Pierre that you'd be going out with Anna and that she would bring you home since she was on antibiotics, bless her, so she would be the one driving, but refrained from doing so because you would come home earlier than he would anyway, his meetings lasting longer and longer these days.

The marriage had been going through a rough patch, and while you had both admitted that you'd both need to put in the work for it to go forward, Pierre felt like it wasn't going anywhere. None of the efforts were making it worse, that was for sure, but it wasn't going maybe as fast as he had hoped. He still felt some distance on your part some days, and he was cautious of your boundaries, not wanting to overwhelm you and, in part, he was happy that you were taking some time for yourself to enjoy with your friends.

In the bar you and your friends had decided to spend the night, drinks kept coming to the table while you spoke about whatever came up, "are you okay, Y/N?", Anna asked, nudging your side when the rest of the group had to make a bathroom trip, "yeah, just tired from the week", you offered, not really wanting to dwelve into your thoughts since the therapy session alone that week had been intense and full of things to sort out on your own. Drinks kept coming and while you weren't too drunk, tipsy was also a word that couldn't describe how much you had in you.

"I'll drop Y/N home, guys", Anna said to the rest of the group as they arranged their own rides since Lucie's husband had volunteered to take them home. Sitting in her car, you opened the window so you could feel the cool breeze on your face, "are you good? Do you need to stop?", Anna asked you, "I'm good, just a little bit tipsy, but no throw ups, don't worry", you said, grabbing your purse to text Pierre that you were on your way home and seeing a couple of texts and missed phone calls, "Oh, but he's worried now", you mumbled, locking your phone once you noticed you were getting in the road you lived in, "thank you so much, Anna. I hope I wasn't too bad", you mumbled as she walked with you to the front door, "you're fine, not the worst I've seen you, I have to say", she smiled, "you'll be okay?", she asked, "yes, I will", you reassured her, "I'll be good", you said as you heard the door open unexpectedly, seeing Pierre greeting Anna, thanking and wishing her a safe ride home, the whole scene seemingly slower than it probably was.

Getting inside, you heard Pierre close the door before he sighed, "I'm sorry I didn't text or call back, but when we were at the bar, the signal wasn't the best and I couldn't hear it. When I saw the notifications, I was already at the top of the road", you explained, sensing that the sigh would come with a scold from him.

"I was worried about you! You guys don't usually stay out for this long, and this was when I assumed you were with them from your hand I recognised in their stories", Pierre began, "and you didn't tell me anything, I didn't even know where you were, and you didn't answer your phone!", he snapped, "something could've happened to you and I didn't know where you were or how you were!".

Rubbing your temples, you manage from look up at him, the frustration clear in your voice as you spoke, "I left the house with my friends, to finally spend a night where I don't have to think if I put a foot wrong with you or if I am too much trouble or if I'm not keeping the promises or the behaviour that I should", you yelled, tears brimming your eyes.

"You didn't tell me where you were going, I have a right to be worried for my wife!", Pierre pointed his finger, and you broke down, "Why do you care? It's not like I matter to you anymore", you hiccuped, letting your mouth speak what was inside.

"What?", Pierre asked, not expecting that to be your answer, listening closely while you walked to the other side of the living room.

"Why are you so bothered by this? Why do you care so much? You barely ask me anything these days, you don't ask where I'm going, or what I've been doing. You don't care wether I've had a good day or a bad day, you don't care to know how I've been... you don't care about us...", you finished, tears falling from your eyes give that your futile attempt to stop them didn't work.

Shaking his head, Pierre looked at you, "is that what you think this is? That I don't care about you? That I don't care about us? Y/N, no, absolutely no", he stated, "I thought you needed some time to yourself, that you wanted to set some boundaries and so I didn't want to pressure you, or make you feel like I was controlling you", he gulped, "I never wanted it to seem like I didn't care about you", he explained, "I care about you, mon amour. Fucking hell, I don't think I've ever loved anyone like I love you", he admitted, making you look at him, still keeping a distance between you, "Sometimes I don't feel it", you admitted back.

Sighing, you wiped your eyes one last time, feeling the waterfall finally stop, "I don't know how to deal with this, with not knowing how you truly are doing, if I can ask for something or not", you mumbled, feeling lightheaded from the alcohol and choosing to sit on the sofa, "are we condemned to this?", you asked out loud and to no one in particular, you guessed, until Pierre knelt in front of you, "you don't seem bothered by this, but I am! Every spare moment of my thoughts I have, I'm thinking about this, wether or not we can make it work, wether you care about me or about enough to not let this go. I miss you, I miss us", you let out a shuddered breath.

Pierre was lost. He truly didn't think he was behaving like that, as in his mind, he was just giving you some space and allowing you to set your boundaries, but miscommunication clearly got the best of you two, "Mon amour, I never wanted you to feel like this. I'm truly sorry for making you feel like this. I love you, I love you so much and I'll spend everyday of my life reminding you of it", he said, grabbing your hand as you looked at him, "one step at a time, we'll do this", he rubbed your hands, "we can work through this, I know we can", he stated.

"What if we loose ourselves again?", you whispered, the fear you felt contrasting with your voice's volume, "we get back to eachother. We will talk about everything, we can't leave eacother in the dark. Anything that happens, good or bad, small or big, we talk it over. We go to eachother and ask what we want to know. And it doesn't matter if we get mad at eachother, because we love eacother beyond that, and we'll get through it", he comforted, making your hands hold his, squeezing them, "we'll be just fine".

[hyunteru]

space between thoughts - m. osamu

“slow dancing in a burning room”

prologue

If the world was quiet enough and she thought of her happiest moments in a casual sense, some things would come to mind— maybe she would think about the day she bought her first car and took her friends for a joy ride, or maybe something silly like when she kept a plant alive for longer than a month. But as she’s looking across the table, nothing came to mind. It should be no different in this scenario, after all, the point of therapy is to externalize your inner thoughts.

“Take your time, it’s okay”

That same phrase over and over again— "its okay." She knows her therapist is only trying to help but those words are meaningless to her. The question was simple, happy moments come and go. The temporary feeling of that weightless distraction shouldn’t be something that passes her mind that quickly. She could say anything, really, lie even. In hopes that he moves onto something else that would actually help her, something she wouldn’t have to put effort into. Wasn’t therapy supposed to help? Why did she have to want to get better? Can’t her therapist just sprinkle some fairy glitter on her to remove all her thoughts of wanting to disappear from the world?

The fact that she’s here right now is enough effort from her part. She managed to get up and make it to her appointment on time, to sit down and talk about her day as if she didn’t clear her whole morning and afternoon just for this one appointment. Already planning to go home just to sit down and stare at her calendar full of due dates, maybe complain to her roommate about it until she ultimately decides to be productive at 2am in the morning— choosing to ignore the part where she had to wake up in a few hours for school. Despite the room being purposely decorated to make people feel more open and comfortable, she feels none of that. If anything, she feels more closed off. Her body language rigid and her avoidant eyes are clear evidence of that. Continuously fiddling with her own hand and shifting every now and then to fill the silence that surrounded the room. She doesn’t mean to— but she gets in her head. Her therapist doesn’t really care for her, he gets paid to care. He gets paid to read the imaginary script in his head and formulate a response based off her answer. He takes pity on her, like everyone else.

“I’m sorry, i can’t think of anything right now”

Her therapist nods in understanding and she just looks down at her lap in shame. She can't see the face he's making but she assumes it's unchanging, in a way where he isn’t disappointed because he expected it. “Alright, lets try something new” he starts off before putting a notebook on the table, her eyes shifted up slightly.

“I want you to write about happy moments that happen throughout your day— you don’t have to show me, you don’t have to show anyone. But please, at least try” he said as he slides the notebook to her— she shifts to the edge of the couch to grab it and briefly look through it

nothing but blank, white pages.

m.list

notes

this is my first fic pls be gentle LOL

updates will come when i have free time, im still a student with work :')

at this point, reader has been going to therapy for a month

this fic is written in the readers perspective, therefore everything said is her thoughts which will change as the story progresses

reader is a uni student currently and she lives with her roommate who will be revealed in chapter 1!

osamu will come soon! i just wanted to set the mood a little bit and kind of explain reader a little

also to anyone who is reading this, you are enough and you are so so so loved and cared for. please don’t let your mental illness define you

if you managed to get up this morning, i’m so very proud of you :)

[retiredkat]

Red-UK Magazine Raising the Stakes interview with Jacob Anderson

Must give email address to read the full article

“Jacob Anderson has a very sweet tooth. ‘I’m, like, addicted to sweetness, ever since being in America,’ he says, sipping tea with a sheepish smile. Having come to meet me in North London after dropping his daughter at nursery, the 34-year-old star of AMC’s hit series Interview With The Vampire is sitting with his face towards the morning sunshine, a move unlike the supernatural being he plays. ‘It’s good to have everything in moderation,’ he muses, opening a sachet of sweetener. ‘But the minute you start paying too much attention to quantities of things…’ he pauses, ‘it’s like sucking the joy out.’

It’s an apt metaphor for the show we’re meeting to discuss. Based on Anne Rice’s 1976 novel, the lavish revamp sees Anderson play the brooding vampire Louis de Pointe du Lac as he recounts a life of eternal love and bloodlust to journalist Daniel Molloy (Eric Bogosian). In an era when television feels increasingly bland, the show pulls off theatrical magic with its epic, queer reinvention of Rice’s work. ‘You don’t really get weird stories with scale,’ notes Anderson. ‘And I feel like this show has managed to hit the sweet spot of scale and oddness.’

Having attempted to despatch his paramour Lestat de Lioncourt (Sam Reid) and then moved to Paris with his adopted daughter Claudia (Delainey Hayles), Louis works to untangle his manipulated memories in the second season. ‘There’s a lot of tension building,’ says Anderson. ‘In episode one, in particular, I remember thinking Louis has a tension headache for years. It affects his decision-making, and his outbursts. And he makes a lot of poor decisions in season two.’ There’s a great deal of unresolved trauma, he observes, ‘Louis is very emotionally constipated in that way. I think he’s not quite able to embrace his grief, embrace his first 30 years of vampirism. He’s also unravelling in the present; all of that suppression and repression is coming back to get him.

Therapy is the place where Anderson goes to figure things out. ‘I don’t want to be like a ball of confusion and contradiction. I have two daughters to raise,’ he smiles. ‘I don’t want to be another angry man, because they’re gonna meet a lot of angry, oppressed men in their lives.’ Since playing Louis, though, he suspects the boundaries between fiction and real life have become blurred. ‘There are things about Louis that I justify, like, “I understand this decision, and therefore we’re the same.”’ he laughs. Getting deep into character, I suggest, must lend itself to overthinking. ‘Yeah, I’m a huge overthinker,’ he says emphatically. ‘Sitting here, I just noticed my own body language, and my brain is firing off.’

Despite having been in the public eye for most of his life (both on TV and in his music, which he records under the name Raleigh Ritchie), Anderson keeps a low profile. ‘I’m quite a private person,’ he chuckles. He largely avoids social media, as he has an ‘internal compass’ that guides him towards negative criticism. ‘I think it would be unhealthy to spend too much time indulging in how other people are looking at me,’ he says. ‘I feel like I’d lose my sense of self; the sense of self that I’ve been trying to build up all this time.’

As a child, he was always waiting for adulthood to begin. He moved to London at the age of 17, not specifically to pursue a career in acting, but mainly to leave his home city of Bristol. ‘I have a really healthy relationship with my home city now,’ he says, ‘but at the time, I just wanted to escape.’ He was always resourceful in his pursuit of opportunities. ‘In the beginning, I would get coaches up to London at four in the morning to get to an audition at nine. And I would do that a few times a week. And then if I stayed over for some reason, I’d stay at like a backpacker’s hostel for £19.’ Since that point, he’s worked solidly. ‘I think I have a bit of a work thing,’ he confesses. ‘I really feel like myself when I’m working. I feel like I can key into the version of myself that I most want to be, and it gives me a real sense of purpose.’

Playing the stoic Unsullied warrior Grey Worm in HBO’s Game Of Thrones was an ‘emotionally taxing’ experience at times. ‘The challenging bit was giving myself something to do sometimes, like, keeping myself alive in the scene,’ he recalls. ‘Trying to stay present was a real challenge.’ But it also proved to be a valuable learning curve. ‘You don’t need lines, you don’t need words to tell your part of the story. You can do it with your face. You can do it with your body language. So I learned a lot from doing that. But I was ready for it to be over.’

When he finished the show in 2018, he felt burnt out. ‘That last year was so brutal. It was an amazing experience in lots of ways, but I was also very low and so I just took a break for a bit.’ He considered giving up acting. ‘I was just losing my love a little bit,’ he says. The thing that inspired him again was playing recurring character Vinder in Doctor Who, a show that he aspired to be on as a child. ‘That gave me back my play. It re-energised me.’

He certainly wasn’t prepared for the phenomenon that Thrones would become. ‘It was really surprising,’ he recalls. ‘Whenever we went through the press for it, it felt like being in The Beatles or something. But when we were making it, it was really intimate.’ In any case, he isn’t driven by conventional measures of success. ‘The processes are really important. I’ve really learned that, for me, it doesn’t matter if the thing is good. If making it isn’t a pleasant experience, or joyful in some way, fulfilling or cathartic, then it wasn’t worth it. I don’t really care if something is, like, quote unquote, a hit or success, if making it was miserable, you know?’

What really drives Anderson, is creating work that helps people feel seen; and the enthusiastic response to Interview With The Vampire (plus an early season three renewal) has proved that it’s resonating with audiences on a deep level. ‘To be a part of something that people take into their hearts so much is really special,’ he says. ‘Through music and films and TV was how I learned how to be a human, you know?’ He pauses, looking deep in thought. ‘To see that I’ve contributed in some way to something that does that for other people gives me a sense of “it’s the right thing to do”. Like, I’m still doing this for the reason that I got into it.’ He smiles, ‘So yeah, it’s lovely.’”

[abronzeagegod]

Eldritch Tech Support 3

more eldritch tech support stories

You work very hard to not have any prejudices or emotional baggage or negative thoughts when working with any clients. It's bad form and if you're working for eldritch beings and some of which can sense intentions or something, it's not wise. Therapy and lots of breathing exercises help with that. Yet, all the deep breathing and centering yourself doesn't help you hate going to the Space Between the Stars any less.

You've got to put on a large and clunky space suit in order to get out there and trying to do all the technical work in the bulky, life saving equipment is just mildly infuriating.

But that's the job.

You double and triple check all your equipment, suit up, and get blasted into space. It's always weird aiming away from all the bright lights and moons and planets.

There in the deep darkness, the kind of darkness that is a void, empty, formless, and so far away from any light sources that the human mind cannot simply cannot conceive of it, you find your client. One of the Beings in the Darkness Between the Stars. They're a shadow of a shadow, a piece of darkness more dark than the void you find yourself in.

They communicate via silence and empty space. It's a lot and it's weird, and it's unfortunately something you've trained for.

Also the translation software is helpful.

You knew it was a server problem, but the Being explains it more fully and leads you through the void to the cold darkness where the server is set up.

You politely explain that you're going to have to take apart the server and run some tests on the individual parts. All of the remote tests proved that there was something absolutely wrong, but couldn't isolate the problem without direct access.

"There's going to be some light," you say. "If that will bother you, I can work alone and let you know when I'm finished."

All of the best camera equipment and sensory tech couldn't simply beat a flashlight.

The Being gestured with invisible hands and spoke without words or sounds.

"Would you like something to drink or something to eat?" the translation software told you.

"No thank you," you say, not explaining that you can't eat anything while you're in this bulky suit.

The shadow slinks away.

You wait for an extra few moments to make sure that you're not going to grievously injure a being of pure darkness and void with your flashlight. You turn it on the dullest setting, and hood the light so that it becomes extremely directional.

Getting into the server takes you several minutes and you start testing components.

As your testing things you place a call back to headquarters.

You put in your ID number and get transferred to someone back at the office to help out.

"Tessaly," they say as an introduction. "What you got for me?"

You explain the situation as you ask for her to check on the back-end stuff.

"Ugh, better you than me," she says.

For the better part of an hour you test individual components and find nothing wrong, but that also means that you've started to narrow down the potential problems. Which are starting to look like they might be the kind of problems that are very complicated and very expensive.

You're about to start climbing into the guts of the server to get at some of the more complicated parts of a server designed to run things for a being of darkness and void, when the proximity radar chirps.

You quickly shut off your light sources. Your client doesn't greet you and the silence isn't the kind that communicates their language.

Instead you feel something brush against your space suit and there's a grumble like the background radiation of a black hole.

There's a chill that radiates from your spine and you try very hard to not react.

"What's up?" Tessaly asks.

"I think our client has whatever the void equivalent of a cat is and it's brushing up against me right now."

"Oh no. Do you know if it's the cute kind, or the tearing things to pieces kind."

"Probably both."

A moment later the darkness gets a little more dark. A void of noise reaches out to you.

The translation software picks it up. "Sorry. Hubble likes people."

The client picks up the void pet and leaves the room. But not before asking how it was going, how you were doing, and a variety of other questions.

You do your best to answer, but the problem is that you don't know what the problem is.

They leave and you continue your work.

"If I didn't know any better I think that Being is flirting with you," Tessaly says over the phone.

"Shut up," you say. It's not uncommon for clients to flirt with tech support agents, but this is a thing that could never work because you have physical form and they exist in the vacuum of space. "Also I'm kind of dating someone."

"Starring at someone from across the office creepily and asking them dumb questions in the break room is not the same as dating," Tessaly says.

Instead of responding with words you respond with a "Euhgh!"

"Sorry, I didn't think that was going to be a hard hitting truth," Tessaly responds, concerned and confused.

"No. I think I found the problem," you say. Your hand went right into it. "I think somehow the void cat thing got into the server, which should be impossible, and left a little treat."

"Do void cats have hairballs?"

"Not that kind. I think it killed something and left it here. For a few days or weeks. It's mostly goo now, and I can already tell it's going to smell."

Tessaly tried to sound sincere, "Oh that sucks for you."

You do your best to clean it up, getting some supplies from your client and then replacing the part that Hubble unintentionally ruined. You can still feel some silence praising the black hole of a pet as being a brilliant vicious hunter.

With the mess cleaned up and the components replaced with ones with less viscera you reboot the server and run some diagnostics.

"Everything looks good on our end," Tessaly says.

"I'm going to check the local connections and everything," you tell her.

Using your work computer you check the server, the connections, and that the various hosting services it does are working. Which is something you immediately regret.

But everything was fixed and you put everything away and inform the client that the job is done, if they have any more questions to call tech support and they will assist however they can.

They offer you some more stuff as thanks, but you politely decline as you really want to get home to light and gravity and noise.

You return to the office and sure enough you smell bad. Even aside from the smell of cosmic radiation, whatever dead void creature was in the server was extremely smelly.

"Wow you smell terrible," Tessaly says as way of a greeting.

"It's not the worst part," you say.

"How could there be something worse?"

"They were using the server to host human fetish videos."

"Oh my gods! Tell me everything!"

"Well what is the kinkiest thing for a being that is mostly void?"

"I don't know, whips, nipple clips, pet play?"

"No. They don't have super corporeal forms."

"Don't tell me."

"Yup. Missionary."

Tessaly laughs very hard.

"That's the worst part, is that it isn't even interesting."

"It's interesting to someone."

[snaggletoothedbastard]

So I'm having thoughts about LOTR. Specifically the ending. And the fanfiction that rewrites the ending. Bear with me.

So we all know that LOTR ends with Frodo leaving Middle Earth and going to the Undying Lands, right. And we all know that he does this because all the events of the story have had such an impact on him that they've left him quite traumatised and not really able to live life the way he used to. And we can probably all guess that this is a reflection of how Tolkien may have thought about his trauma after fighting in the First World War.

The ending makes sense considering the time the book was written, because in the 1940's and 50's, people didn't know as much about mental health and disability as they do now, and there weren't as many ways to help people manage disabilities other than institutionalising them or like. Giving them cocaine or something idk. So it's reasonable to assume that because Tolkien didn't see many ways that people could live with disabilities and be happy, he couldn't write them into LOTR and instead basically just put Frodo in Middle Earth's equivalent of Heaven and said "there you go, you're all better now".

I like this as a sort of tragic ending. I mean, you can't deny that someone being so drastically changed by an experience means they can't enjoy the things they grew up with is pretty tragic. The ending does make sense. But I kind of hate it.

I don't think it was written badly or anything, and I'm not trying to dismiss Tolkien's experiences that influenced this ending. My issue with it is that, when you look at it through a modern lens, it has vaguely ableist connotations. Specifically the idea that disabled people (Frodo) can't live full lives and be happy in the real world (Middle Earth) and can therefore only be happy when they're "cured" or when they die and go to Heaven (the Undying Lands).

Now obviously LOTR is an old book and it's important to consider the time it was created when analysing it, as you would do with any other piece of classic literature. A lot of old books have some outdated language and concepts in them, simply because that was normal back then. And until very recently, we probably wouldn't have thought the ending of LOTR was in any way problematic. And it might not have been, because it's not really the fact that Tolkien wrote that ending that's an issue; it's the fact that the way the world worked back then made it near impossible to even think about any other ending.

Since the book was written, though, there have been a lot of advancements in science and research into disabilities, and there are now much more effective ways to treat and manage them. There's medication and therapy for physical and mental issues, and there are lots of accommodations that we can and should put in place to make life easier for everyone. Back in the 1940's, Tolkien wouldn't have had these things, and therefore didn't consider them to be options when writing about what happens to Frodo at the end of the story. But now, we do have them, and it's this progress that has discredited the idea that disabled people can't be happy in the real world, and subsequently made LOTR's ending seem outdated by today's standards.

Now this is where the fanfiction comes in.

LOTR readers these days, who are aware of the progress we've made as a society and the new ways people view and treat minorities, often write fanfiction that puts things into Tolkien's universe that wouldn't have otherwise been there because of when the books were written, from openly queer characters to characters living good, happy lives with disabilities. And I think this is a good thing and it's really nice to see, especially in regards to Frodo's disability. I like seeing people work out how he might accommodate himself in the world of Middle Earth, and how the other characters would help him with that. I like that sometimes people have to get creative when figuring out how he would cope with trauma and chronic pain, because obviously Middle Earth doesn't have a lot of the things we have in the real world.

I like that we can finally give Frodo a chance to recover in a more realistic way than just sending him to the afterlife. I like that we can finally allow him to live.

A lot of Tolkien purists complain about new adaptations and fanfiction because "it's not what Tolkien wrote so he wouldn't like it". First of all, why do we still care about the opinions of a man who's been dead for over fifty years? What are you going to do, summon his ghost to haunt all the fanfic writers? Hold a seance to find out exactly what he thinks? Good luck with that.

Second of all, I honestly believe this is something he would approve of. He went on living after the First World War, but he didn't get to live with the disability accommodations we have today. And because he didn't, neither did Frodo. We can't give Tolkien the life many disabled people have now, but we can give it to his tragic hero. We can make his story a little less tragic. And if Tolkien was here now, of all the tropes we're using in LOTR fanfiction, it wouldn't surprise me if "Frodo stays in the Shire" is one he could get behind.

[goodolreliablejake]

When I was in fourth grade, I had a couple of kids I sat with at lunch. We bonded over Dragon Ball Z. But there came a time when it was enough. I could not stopping about this show, to the point where it alienated these few friends. They started to avoid me. When I wasn't with them, I would wander around at recess alone, walking rounds to avoid the discomfort and alienation that came from being around others without knowing how to connect or be accepted by them.

It escalated to where the kids I considered friends were surrounding me, and they confronted me about my obsession with Dragon Ball Z. They teased me. And I was so hurt, afraid, and angry, and ashamed. I lashed out. I kicked a kid. He wasn't even the one teasing me, but in that moment he felt like he was one of the kids surrounding me, mocking me. Years later, I had class with him in high school, and I wished I could apologize, but I didn't even know if he remembered me.

I was tested, and the doctor said that he didn't want to label me with autism. He thought that giving me that label would make my life harder going forward. But instead I've always been in ambiguity. This almost-diagnosis, this shadow diagnosis. I've been in therapy for years, and I've asked about this uncertainty, and they assured me I wasn't autistic.

I later developed an intense interest in theatre. Improv in particular was so fun and so informative. It was like getting a crash course in how people operate and interact with one another. And it was a language in which I could communicate back. I was praised for my creativity, but there was always a limit.

I'd reach a point in rehearsals and things, multiple times where... A director, a teacher, whatever would get so frustrated because... Something felt false to them. They'd tell me that I was acting as though I were telling a great story but that it didn't feel real or true. I would push myself further and further to try to reach this elusive sense of authenticity.

But now I have think that this was way off base... The problem was never what I was doing. I wasn't guarded. I wasn't refusing to emotionally engage with the material or the audience. No, the problem was.. it came across as false to them, because my authentic and genuine expressions in day to day life come across as inauthentic to people. *I* feel false to neurotypical people. But it's not because I'm inauthentic, it's because I'm different.

I've never had this problem with other autistic friends. And there have been many. They were always my best friends.

[tumblingxelian]

Lady Glasswing & the Golden Guardian

Sooo I had some Butterfly!Marinette thoughts after writing the prologue and decided to share:

Tentative naming theme, The Golden Guardian & Lady Glasswing. IE, Chloe & her team center their IDs on acting as Guardians.

The story opens on Fu meditating to commune with the new Butterfly. He tries to be nice & diplomatic it all goes to hell when his explanations for not resurrecting people come off as "Selfish/Foolish"

But he figures they are a child without much real malice, he can handle this alone.

He cannot handle this alone.

Because Marinette is cunning & full of tricks.

More under the cut:

Its Winter, cos there's no strict reason to start this on the new school year. Both Adrien's parents are alive, so while cloistered he's not as desperate to get out. Some like Kagami may already be around.

I could also see the story being less "Episodic" and more being like, several "Specials" or movies.

IE, Glasswing's debut & Chloe's rise, the formation of the team & a betrayal, Shanghai & ID reveals, Heroes' Day, conclusion, perhaps?

The story would mostly follow Chloe & her allies, but cut back to Marinette fairly often and have some back and forths showing the steady shifts in dynamics as time passes.

As discussed Marinette's arc here is sort of study in a "Good" victim shifting into a "Bad" victim. In this case its also how the systems and cultures in place can fail both.

IE, Marinette was a good victim in response to tragedy, she didn't lash out, or make people uncomfortable. She cried as one would expect but she never made too much of a scene & she tried not to impose on others.

As a result she did not get nearly enough support & the systems meant to help her failed.

Either by simply not giving her enough time (Still expected to return to school) or through stuff like legalities & language (Her uncle & aunt can't do much) or negligence, (Her grandmother is her guardian but is not very preset because Marinette seems to be handling this well)

Add in a magic butterfly with empathy powers giving her a skewed sense of how emotions work. Leading to her alienation from the human condition & increasing desperation to undo her tragedy... Well this leads her to isolating & lashing out at others. a vicious cycle.

Ideally, I think the story would end with her being defeated but her identity covered up so she can get some fucking therapy. Possibly cos Chloe as a bad victim in her own right can kind of see a lot of herself in Marinette, like:

"If I had ended up with magical powers after one of my mothers visits, I'd have destroyed a lot of stuff too."

But unsure, the one gripe I have with this AU is how low key grim everything is while also finding that fascinating.

A lot depends on the tone really.

Because post prologue I basically envision a Mylene Akuma serving as Fu's debut & him saving Chloe, maybe an Ivan one the next day. Then Evilustrator so Marinette can cover her ID by rejecting him and being a target alongside Chloe.

Which also lets her see Fu has limited stamina.

Cue her creating several Akuma over a few days & then transforming several people; letting them run wild while keeping one on a leash (The Magician) to wear down Fu, then hit him with a surprise attack.

He manages to slip away via the Horse Miraculous with Chloe who was targeted as usual, but... Well his body basically gives out. With Chloe being defaulted to as the Box's new Guardian by proximity or Fu trying to get her to heal him.

Cue Chloe having a bit of a breakdown.

In the grim versions of the story he stays deceased, while in the lighter one's he returns via the Miracle Cure but has Guardian amnesia so he's mostly just able to offer her tea & a sympathetic ear.

Either way, this would also be where Marinette finds out Akuma cannot be wrangled as easily as she thought.

This forces a brief team up with Chloe that also lets her escape & gives motive to not pull a stunt like that again.

Meanwhile Chloe as the New Guardian realizes she is liable to be Glasswing's main suspect & living a very exposed life, does not keep the box or all the Kwami with her.

Instead, she hands them over to the few people she trusts, or that they trust. Keeping adults out of it either at the Kwami's advice & her own suspicion as taking them back would be super hard.

As a result:

Sabrina gets a couple and basically serves as Chloe's partner & or sidekick.

If she & Kagami are on decent terms or Adrien recommendation due to being tasty in a fight she gets some right away or after arrival.

The largely homebound Adrien holds the box along with Kaalki and Tikki. As Chloe captures the Akuma & brings them to him for Purification & Miracle Cures.

Chloe wants Tikki & Plagg as far away from Glasswing as possible.

Which leads to her sending the Black Cat to Zoe. They aren't close but they are family so she trusts it will work out. Plagg isn't a fan but in Chloe's words:

"No! I refuse! I refuse to let her win no matter what! Do you hear me!? Lady Glasswing might kill me, but she does not get to win!"

Plagg feigns agreeing because he respects spite, but it only takes him a few weeks to convince Zoe to become a hero and ultimately go to Paris.

Chloe: See this! This is why I have trust issues! Zoe: (Waves) Hi :) Plagg: >;3c

Zoe's also not over her "Pretending to be mean" phase, but adopts a more "Spoiled/Clingy little sister" act with Chloe; who despite herself, due to what happened with Fu is pathologically protective.

This, her time as a hero and getting emotional support from the Kwami & Fu, as well as seeing how little her parents; care all feed into her steady self improvement & bettering mental health. Plus therapy.

Chloe doesn't start out notably better than canon though just to be clear. But she does opt to not start anything with Marinette given the tragedy... But she is less patient when several members of class try & demand that of her too.

The stammering voice of Mylene hit Chloe's ears, a faint tremor touched with heat, "C- Chloe I need to, to tell you, Mari-" 'Again!?' White hot anger flashed across Chiloe's vision and before she knew it her palm had slammed against the nearest locker with a resounding bang! "I swear, if you and your rainbow dreadlocks are not fleeing my sight by the time I turn around, I won't care if I am held responsible for what I do to you!" Pivoting, Chloe was satisfied to see Mylene fleeing around the nearest corner. That was more like it, Chloe could feel the tightness in her chest fading as satisfaction replaced anger. "Chloe!" Sabrina's terrified squeak was all the warning Chloe needed to spin around to face a furious Ivan. The towering boys hands slammed either side of the lockers boxing her in. "You had no right to speak to her like that!" 'Oh, its about her,' Chloe realized, his voice ringing in her ears as a smirk forced its way onto her lips. A vicious one with teeth. "That's hilarious, given the likes of you have no right to speak to me at all." His hands balled into fists still clanking against the lockers as veins throbbed on his neck. Chloe opened her hand, long, deadly nails poised as her blood began to race. "Go ahead, see what happens when a plebian tries to strike their better." For a moment it looked like he might act before ripping his hands back with a roar. "You aren't worth it!" "Please," She muttered, turning and strutting away, "A strand of my hair is worth more than your house." Sabrina fell in at her side, gasping, "That was amazing Chloe, you really scared him off!" Preening, she waved her hand, "Some people just need to be reminded of their place, several in fact." Sabrina's brow knitted together, "So does that mean we're going after M-" "No, I already said that she's irrelevant, utterly irrelevant to me. But the rest of the class, they need a reminder of etiquette." - Within a dimly lit room, a smile spread across a masked face as she watched the pulsating cocoon finally hatch. "I knew I could count on you to hurt someone, so predictable." The violet Akuma flexing its ghostly wings before taking off into the air and towards its target. "Fly , fly my Butterfly, and bring me my prize."

Still unsure on some names, especially as Golden Guard is in use lol, plus do love Medusa for a Snake & Bee fusion.

Broadly most of them rely on swapping out between 2 or 3 Miraculous in fights or outright fusions, so the team is smaller but has more powers. Though using many in short succession or more than two at a time does have consequences.

Fei Wu joins the team as the sixth ranger around the same time or slightly after Lila is booted or leaves & hooks up with Marinette. Due to her father not being dead she's much more chill & kind of a nice jock in terms of vibes. She wants the other half of the Prodigious stolen by Lady Glasswing to be used by her & Lila back.

IE, Fei Wu has physical enhancements but Lila can spew all sorts of magma or radiation and such due to Fei fusing with the actual spirit, but Lila holding the Prodigious. To compensate, Fei also gets the Mouse.

Its funny how this was inspired by the Dad!Villain AU, but without the Wish thing, that'd change the tone again. But also probably just lead to Gabriel being murdered in his sleep XD Plus leaning away from the reality rewrite by using the Twelve Kwami lore.

[necronatural]

I totally agree with you that the barbie movie has some issues but I think the worst case of "misogyny is fine if it's not to women" is amongst the fans from what I've seen. Like the amounts of times ive seen people act like the Ken's embracing patriarchy is an enherently evil act and not an understandable reaction to them experiencing respect and control for once, is astounding. Like they've been oppressed their whole life of course they're rebelling when they learn they don't have to be.

Within the metatext of the film they are patronizing men for liking Andrew Tate, baby-talking them for their reaction to general frustrations of not living up to meaningless ideals.

The thing is that in real life the frustration with the absence of ideal is inflicted by other men. Men create a supreme image to disenfranchise women, and other men feel anxious that they can't attain this false dichotomy. The Kens are genuinely second class citizens. My point is that they experience ACTUAL oppression, but rather than using it as an empathy tool, it moves into what appears to be a story beat from entirely different script. There's a total mismatch. It is not coherent.

The message here, from men experiencing misogyny learning hurtful and oppressive language, is that if you stopped being misogynistic, those fucking horse-loving harpies will indoctrinate women, so we need to keep them in line. That's insane. If you think about it from the perspective of the film and not the sociopolitical situation the film was produced in - where it makes perfect sense; both men experiencing misogyny and patriarchy humpers being morons are two completely different expressions of female perspective not meant to interact, this is why the film is still enjoyable - it is a bizarre misogynistic "what if straight people were the ones who were oppressed" type message to send.

This in combination with beats like how you can just brainwash vulnerable women to your whims vs you must give men therapy with respect to their vulnerabilities (this is another female perspective thing that is incomprehensible at face value but resonates emotionally with how women deal with the men in their lives) & all the major female characters besides Barbie herself being less important than the male characters to the point the emotional core of the movie (the mom) is discarded to be an object stripped of her personal individual interiority regurgitating themes that don't even cohere in the first place, with her humanity and her relationship with others (her child, her husband, her career) forgotten in favour of teaching Barbies a very special lesson about female empowerment. This is not the Great Feminist Film I'll tell you that much

⬆️ I really liked the Barbie movie I think it's fun

[psshaw]

Feelings-first therapy language has been interesting to navigate because I’m a very “actions are more important than words” type of lady. Growing up midwestern, I learned early that “sorry” means “don’t be mad at me”, and “we’re so happy to see you!” has no bearing on whether a person gets talked shit about later. “Nice” was never a trait I admired. In my experience, “nice” people were either naive or liars. “Nice” people cared what you were supposed to say, not what was true.

I could not figure out the motive for living like this, because it looked like torture. Now I realize the political benefits, but grokking it feels like reverse-character development.

Meanwhile, I can argue with you 100 times a year and feel nothing, because I respect you more for holding your own and being honest than I would if you agreed with everything I said. When I’m looking to knock someone off-guard, honest observations change the tone fast. I start asking questions— really, you agree with everything I said? That’s all you have to add? And sometimes people really do start to wonder what programmed them to do that.

I still hold a lot of hurt from an old friend who hated to argue. They always asked my opinion before giving theirs. Looking back, they were used to getting what they wanted by being “nice”, and got enraged and confused when it didn’t work. They often did objectively cruel things, just a step removed from where the victim could see it. They kept no-one’s secrets, “played both sides”, and took zero responsibility for the part they played in ratcheting the tension. Whenever things went south, they washed their hands of it and told the story as if they weren’t there. But the next time around, they still couldn’t resist getting involved. Because when two people won’t resolve things directly, the agony aunt gains two friends.

That preoccupation with perception— agreeing with two people at once, only taking responsibility for what they’ve been caught doing, using “sorry” like a magic word but repeating the cycle anyway— feels familiar in the obfuscations of therapy speak. I think a lot of people are attracted to “toxic” and “gaslighting” and “red flag” because it facilitates a flattening of a situation— a good guy and a bad guy, maybe. I’m often surprised by how little some people examine their own actions for anything other than “does this look good according to the current zeitgeist?”

The way I handled my Catholic guilt was by noticing I wasn’t in this alone. My whole congregation supposedly had Original Sin, and they sure as hell weren’t living more morally than me at 9 years old. Plus, what loving sky-daddy would put us on a world with so many temptations and just quietly scratch off our Heaven points for 80 years? So I deduced there was more wiggle room than we were interpreting the Bible to have— otherwise, Hell is full of preteens.

All of this is to say that “bad person” has never been a scary label to me, because I was raised to believe we were all bad. What mattered is that we were trying to be better. This is what made social justice make sense to me, too, though now I understand why other people see “don’t do that, it’s racist” as some kind of indelible attack on their character. (It’s cos they were raised wrong.) To me, the point isn’t to come out of the gate being perfectly liked and agreeable. It’s to show everyone how hard you can try.

[dumb-doll-lips]

Venting about some stuff that’s been on my mind more.

I like being like ‘real’ on here and sharing some stuff but def is more just for me trying to make sense of somethings before it’s brought back up in therapy.

I’ve had two guys call me a nerd someone recently. And one was like bc I kept getting confused and asking what he means and saying thank you when he explained, and the other because it came up that I’ll have convos about candles.

I don’t think either that is stuff I’d call nerdy. But it like kinda fits in w this larger realization of like having grown up more conservatively and like sheltered than I thought I did. Like my therapist said I almost sound like an ex-evangelist when it comes to talking about sex. With like how much shame I felt around it growing up anytime I even hinted at anything sexual. And like I’ll talk to guys who are fucking me or want to about sex. But I’ve been like called out innocent language sometimes and def find myself confused by what someone else means a lot. I think the never talking to anyone else, like I’ve never had friends who I could talk to about sex at least played some part in me having spent as much time in bad relationships as I have, and like too much shame around it all to let anyone know anything and help me.

And like it’s not just sex. Anything w drugs, including weed which like I’ll smoke or have edibles sometimes but I had a panic attack the one time I went into a weed store w my sister bc it was so overwhelming and foreign. And everything else feels more alien and off limits.

And like w any kind of body modification stuff, like even w botox. I’ve spent a few years now wanting to start doing that but it feels like such a foreign thing and I have no one around I could get any help from instead just get judgment. And feel like I haven’t done a lot w going out anywhere fun and having any exciting stories there.

It’s been upsetting learning that like it wasn’t like that for most people I’ve talked to. I’ve like felt like anytime I’m doing anything fun that I want to be doing that it feels like it’s some secret life. Like I’ve lovedd getting to be sluttier. But it feels like I usually have to treat like such a secret. I think it’s def part of why I’ve been such a fan of here. It’s a place where the stuff I’m enjoying in life and stuff I want doesn’t feel like some shameful secret.

I think that’s played such a part of why making and having irl friends has felt so hard. So much stuff I would have been excited to talk about felt like shameful secret. So finding out like yea it’s normal for friends to talk about sex some, like i struggled to believe that at first, but I’m like that’s cool, I want that. But I have no idea what that’d be liek and it def feels intimidating.

Ugh. So I like def think at least a good part of why I’ve struggled w friends is bc of how much I’ve felt like a part of me is this shameful secret and feeling like I could never be myself w anyone.

[modern-day-classic]

So I have been doing some thinking (which is never a good thing 🤣)... This is another long one so I'll put it under the cut...

The team have said Ted is playing the role of Mary Poppins... but I disagree.

Mary flew in as a catalyse for change, her presence causing significant upheaval and growth for the Banks family. You could say Ted does have this impact on Richmond AFC. He comes in with his positive Lasso way. He pushes and pulls the team and staff, challenges them in ways they aren't used to. He is their catalyse for change and growth.

We see this in how he takes Nate under his wing, encourages and believes in him so that he speaks up for himself. He starts fighting for what he wants/thinks he deserves (yes he takes it too far but that's not the point here).

It's also shown in Jamie. Ted was the first person to push past the douche that he was and challenge him. He pushed and propped planting those tiny seeds for Jamie's growth across the three seasons.

Ultimately he did this too for Rebecca. But here it was more guiding her back to herself and away from the mess she was from her divorce.

Once his impact was complete he left, much like Mary so it makes sense right to claim Ted = Mary. There is however one glaring issue with this analogy.

Mary came in and caused the change, however she never changed or grew herself. She had no story arc for herself.

So if we were meant to believe Ted to be the Mary of Ted Lasso, why give him his story arcs? Why have us see him struggle, deal and overcome growing over the 3 seasons? Why show us the impact of his failing marriage? Why show us him struggling to cope with his divorce? Why show us him actively working on himself in therapy?

Because Ted was never Mary, Ted is Maria...

Struggling with his life in Kansas he gets more or less sent away by Michelle, much like Maria is sent to the Von Trapps by the Reverend Mother.

He meets the "matriarch" who is wound and wounded (yes I know English as a language is fucked, these are pronounced and have different meanings), attempting to control what little she has control over aka attempting to sink the team. A la Maria meeting Captain Von Trapp who treats his children like he did the crew on his ships, closed off to them after loosing their mother.

Ted's work with the team, his insistence to get to know Rebecca, to include her as part of the bigger AFC Richmond "family" helps her to thaw and embrace her role with the team. Helping pave the way for her to forge relationships within the ranks. Similar to Maria with the Captain and his children. In both instances, one or both falling in love in the process.

Much like Maria, who ran because she didn't feel she deserves the love of the Captain, Ted is running because he doesn't feel he deserves what he has found in Richmond. Both seeking refuge in a place of prior comfort ultimately proving to not be where they belong anymore...

How does Ted Lasso close out this Sound of Music piece? I have thoughts but I'm not going to go into that at this stage...

[the-everqueen]

For the writing asks: 3, 19, 26, 28

3. how would you describe your writing style? immediate words that came to mind were "stephen king if he knew any brown people." lmao. i don't think i'm as good at pacing at king is - he has a very honed sense of story beats, tendencies toward overwriting aside (seriously, IT does NOT need to be as long as it is). but i think a lot about king when i need to get from one beat to another. hm. i might have to ask the gf...i can really easily identify what about other people's writing feels memorable but mine (at least in fic) feels harder to pin down.

19. share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it

The urge to bite, to run, itches under his skin. Fuck. The gaping maw at the center of him, so recently quiet, is howling again (again, how is it again, Dream fixed him), and he wants nothing more than to shut it up, stuff it full, carve it out. That’s not him, not anymore. (That’s always been him.) He belongs to Rose now, who is human (Endless) and breakable (not that she hasn’t put up a hell of a fight). She’s got his leash.

He could slip that leash.

The knowledge is a cool blade between his ribs. Morpheus dialed down that rebellion but he couldn’t erase it entirely. The Corinthian is a perpetually hungry thing, so part of him is always looking to jump the fence. Grass is always greener and all that. Except—he’d thought he was okay, with Rose. Not sated, maybe, but content. He could have both, the Waking and the Dreaming, his function and his fun.

He got what he wanted. Why doesn’t it feel like it’s enough?

26. what would you describe as ooc? where's that post about everyone defaulting to therapy speak? that. maybe it's hypocritical because i often spend fics making characters talk about their feelings, but there's a difference between people stumbling through verbalizing intimacy and people play-acting consent dialogue. like, i came up through writer's forums where the rule was often "don't EVER have a character articulate what they want" - both in scenes and in a larger work. if it's not evident in subtext, you're not doing it right. obviously fanfic has leniency and functions that published fiction does not. but. what if every bit of dialogue is actually a lie. what if they mean the opposite of everything they say. how does that change your approach to a scene.

in other words, i've read a LOT of fics where hannibal lecter gives will graham modern queer friendly language to describe his sexual orientation which BAFFLES me because CLEARLY hannibal lecter thinks will graham's sexual orientation is/should be "hannibal lecter," and he expressed this through gaslighting will into believing he'd murdered his adoptive adult daughter, nurturing autoimmune encephilitis in his brain, and shoving a feeding tube down his throat. SUBTEXT.