#i think the kids make him sad
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sp tired of all the nightmares and identity crisis i jst wanna be normal
#i was digging around my head bc i really need to drive#but every time im im in front of the wheel i get soo panicked#everyone does#even those who want to drive have this anxiety#obvs im assuming it comes from somewhere#while digging around i had an awful nightmare#i was thrown in a maze tht was constantly shifting and being followed#by shadow demons#anyways they ate me and this child was ripped away#ive not really been able to find out much abt her#i think her name is Dot#and i think shes one of the youngest#idk i tried to talk to her but#she was talking with eddie briefly#he helped her get her surroundings#but he left while crying and will switched in#i think the kids make him sad#imagine how i feel
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Michael doesn’t like Halloween anymore in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#michael afton#abby schmidt#fnaf gregory#fnaf 4#security breach#fnaf movie#listen this started as a funny grim joke#but the more I think about#I genuinely think Michael doesn’t like Halloween#and has not worn a costume since the events of fnaf 4#I CAN UNDERSTAND that the whole occasion just makes him numb now#so he truly hasn’t worn a costume since the foxy mask#something that use to make him happy as kid#is now just another month for him#sorry for this funny comic to be sad#ILL MAKE a comic where Michael’s happy again sometime promise 😔
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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Kingdom Hearts 3 - San Fransokyo
#kingdom hearts 3#kh3#san fransokyo#scenery#my gif#made sure to put equal parts night and day versions of the city#because i think they both look stunning#i love the verticality of this world. it's fun to climb up to the highest point and fly over all the buildings#if i played this game as a kid i feel like i would 100% pretend sora lived in this city and would find a house for him haha#something that always piqued my curiosity was sora's initial response to first setting foot in this world#he's immediately amazed by what he sees and remarks in awe of the city that he hasn't even fully entered yet (he's still on the bridge)#then he quickly pulls out is phone and wants to tell riku all about it even though he just got there#(i'm sad they didn't make a kingstagram post about it that we could see!)#being islanders from a small town i can imagine it'd be an exciting idea to visit a big bustling city and i wondered if that's-#something they've ever talked about together whenever the topic of exploring new worlds came up as children#it could be some sneaky foreshadowing since the secret ending has sora and riku in quadratum which is also a big city with tall buildings#and i'm sure it's no coincidence that a version of riku shows up in san fransokyo
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finally giving fem danyal her own au and fulfilling my 'danny is an animal whisperer' agenda at the same time: mother of monsters danyal 2.0
i say "2.0" because TECHNICALLY 'mother of monsters danyal' is an au I made back in June for Dark fem!Danyal (who I promptly named Layal). However, I haven't posted much for her yet, and I like the "mother of monsters" premise too much to leave it only to Layal. Plus Danyal in that au was going to become the mother of monsters anyway, just with significantly less world domination and mass extinction.
'Animal whisperer' Danny has been something I've been thinking about since my latest DP 'wolfpack au' post and it's! So fun to think about, and who no better to assign the idea to than Danyal Al Ghul? Who comes from a family infamously known for their love of animals and nature?
Fem Danyal is just purely self-indulgent. *gestures wildly at her* i just lomvb,,, her,,,, I've only really mentioned her in context of the 'Things in Threes' au/my first Danyal al Ghul au with the facial scar, but she's!!! I love her. She deserves her own au <33
So kill three birds with one stone! Make a post about it.
Anyways, Danny has a large lair. Similar to cult leader danyal, her lair is a giant mountain region resembling nanda parbat with a big temple/palace-like area built into the mountain. It's large, it's overflowing with natural flora, with its own mini-floating islands hovering over some areas, and it's also completely empty.
Danny takes one look at her lair upon first meeting, -- noting that it looked relatively smaller from the outside -- and promptly, with the elegance of an Al Ghul, goes "What the hell??" Because yes, while she does enjoy her own solitude and privacy, this is a bit ridiculous.
For heaven's sake, there's even a massive lake in there! What's she going to do with all this space? Can she make it any smaller? Why is it so big in the first place? This looks borderline like one of the mega-islands!
She finds out later that apparently, the amount of ectoplasm a ghost has can have an effect on the size of their lair. And since she has such a large core, her lair reflects that. Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, it's bigger on the inside so it doesn't take up "too much space" on the outside. Don't worry about it too much.
Danyal isn't totally opposed to having such a large lair, she's just... a bit baffled by it. It feels like so much wasted space is all. All this flora and no fauna to enjoy it with. It's practically eerie.
She decorates her temple-palace area, transforming rooms to match her needs as she sees fit. In the center of the inner gardens is a massive tree that she likes to climb, with twisting, winding branches. Sam and Tucker have honorary rooms, even if they can't safely leave the specter speeder for long periods of time, even with proper safety equipment. So does Jazz. Ali (Dani) has one too, but he can actually use that one, and Danny brought him to her lair so he could decorate it himself.
She has a personal garden, but for the most part she lets the flora exist as it is. Too much space to cultivate it en masse anyways.
Skip to a few weeks later, on her next visit to Clockwork. She developed a habit of going to see him semi-regularly just because. She enjoys his wisdom, and he has a lot of stories to tell, and when he's not being the cryptic and esoteric timekeeper, he's a bit goofy.
(pushing my dadwork agenda here,,, i think Danny deserves to go 'hey, Lord Clockwork, do you want me to buy you something' while she's at walmart, only to receive a singular glowing sticky note that says 'cucumber gatorade'.)
(She insists on referring to him with his proper titles even for the most mundane of things because it's proper, but Clockwork sees a future where she eventually calls him "Cee" and by all things in existence is he determined to get there. Anyways,,,)
On her next visit to Clockwork, just as she is about to leave, Clockwork stops her and goes; "Ah, I have something for you. Hold out your hands."
Danny does as such, and Clockwork doesn't give out things often, so her curiosity has spiked to the highest levels. He turns away from her for a moment, using his staff to summon whatever it is he needs, and when he turns around.
He drops a fish into her hands. Granted, a fish in a small glass tank. But a fish nonetheless. A small one, roughly about the size of her finger, with a blue-black, eel-shaped body and four sets of glowing eyes. She can see thin, almost translucent, but spiny fins down its back and the start of bioluminescent markings. It's swimming around in circles in its small container.
"Lord Clockwork." Danyal says all too calmly.
"Yes, Danyal?"
"What is this?"
"That is an adolescent leviathan, Danyal." She’s transfixed onto the tank, but she doesn’t need to see Clockwork’s face to hear the smile he’s stifling.
The myriad of emotions that runs through her all at once threatens to overwhelm her, and she can’t tell if the feelings are negative or positive. So she carefully closes her eyes to breathe in through her nose.
“Clockwork.”
“Ah, I see you’ve dropped formalities.”
She ignores that.
“Why have you given me an adolescent leviathan?”
She's expecting the trickster to look amused when she opens her eyes. Instead, he just looks endeared. "I know you're fond of animals," he says, "and you always look amazed when you come across an animal of the realms. So I thought you might enjoy taking care of the young beast, it's mother is dead so it has no one to care for it."
Oh.
"But, if you don't like it," Clockwork's hands reach out for the tank, "I can simply take it back--"
Danyal shifts the tank out from his reach and hugs it possessively. "I never said that. How do I care for it?"
And so clockwork gives her a list, and when Danyal returns to her lair, she sets up a large tank in her room for the leviathan to swim in -- it's much too small for the lake right now, she thinks. She'll feel better if it's somewhere she can find it. She names him Suhā.
Suhā grows quickly, and by the end of the mortal month she transforms one of the rooms into a large pond for him to swim around in. He's a very loyal beast, recognizing her as it's mother of some kind. Danyal takes great care ensuring that her beastie gets quality care, and Suhā swims to the surface to see her when he senses her in the room.
It spirals from there. Somehow, Pandora catches wind that Clockwork gave her a leviathan, and so the next time Danyal visits the Greater Athens, she gives her a baby chimera. It's eyes are still sealed shut, Danyal can't bring herself to say no. She names the little beastie Firas.
Frostbite hears about it too, and not to be outdone, gives her an animal she's never even heard of. Infinite-realms born, apparently. A fox-like creature with two small horns like an impala, four eyes, and tall legs. The name isn't something she's quite sure how to write down, and she's positive that her friends won't be able to comprehend it. She names her Eira.
Getting the three of them used to each other was... interesting. Suhā tried to eat Firas when Danyal first introduced the two, and they've hated each other ever since. Firas and Eira are seemingly getting along. Her island already feels full enough with the three of them on it.
Of course, that's not the end of it. With her luck, she begins stumbling across other monsters. Realms-borne or otherwise. An injured hydra in the Grecian islands that, through lots of trial and error, Danyal is able to rehabilitate and heal. It routinely comes to visit her afterwards.
A griffin with a broken wing that she moves permanently to the island that likes to keep to itself, but tends to come down when she's near. It gets along best with Firas.
A panther-like monster from the Shades Woods that had six legs and three tails, with ends that reminded her of a venus flytrap. It stuck around the heavy foliage and she can only make out where it was when she saw its golden eyes reflect.
She befriends a young indrik with its leg injured, and much like the hydra it follows her back to her island, and stays there in the mountains. It comes out when she's alone, much like her other beasts.
She receives two more leviathan -- one from clockwork, and one she finds herself while exploring the deeper and darker recesses of the Ghost Zone. It was huddled against the carcass of its mother, and she managed to befriend and get close enough to it to bring it back to her island. Suhā is fully grown by then, with a head bigger than Danyal herself and he still likes to stick her head out of the water for nuzzles when she's near.
He's not very happy with his new siblings, but he's not trying to eat them when she's not looking. So she calls it a win in her book.
And it's not just large beasts either; smaller animals begin popping up when she's not looking. Bird-like creatures and small mammals, and she swears she saw a doe (or something resembling a doe) grazing in the forest while she was walking by.
She takes back with her a lone snake egg once, and it grows so big it wraps around her island and sleeps with its massive head on the mountain beside the temple, like some smaller breed of Jörmungandr.
And on and on it goes. Some of the beasts she comes across never step foot onto her island, some of them follow her back, while others she has to carry back. Not all of the ones that follow her stay, and Danny rehabilitates the injured and releases them when they're fully healed.
It's hectic, and busy, and frankly she loves it. Some of her rehabilitated beasts return to visit her, or to have their children somewhere on the island, or whatever it is they need to do.
She becomes a bit infamous for it. She goes to visit Dorathea once, and as she's walking through the streets she can hear some of the denizens whispering while she walks past.
"Is that her?"
"Her highness' friend? Yes--"
"--that's the one--"
"--Mother of monsters--"
Danny's not sure how to feel about that.
Although, she can't say she's opposed.
Danyal Al Ghul, Mother of monsters, raiser of beasts. It has a nice ring to it.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc prompt#fem danny fenton#fem danyal al ghul#mother of monsters danny#if anyone wants to hear about Layal specifically I'd be HAPPY to tell you about her. she's inspired by the song 'scylla' from epic#you can't leave me with dark danny for too long i give him depth if i do. anyways i gave layal mommy issues. she has a complicated view on#danyal and both loves and hates her in equal measure. she killed her out of mercy. she's her mother her sister her other half.#she despises her. she misses her. she'll never see her again. she sees her every time she looks in the mirror. she's 24. she's 10 years old#can you tell that i made layal during a time where i was thinking about the 'dan is danny's kid' dpdc trope bc that's exactly what happened#*holds dad!clockwork up like potato.* 'i just think he's neat :)'#i am incapable of making things only cracky. i must make it meaningful in some way or another.#MMMM i have to cut it off here before it gets too looooNNGGG.#if this flops i'll be sad :((#i just think the idea that danyal has her own little world on her island is neat. she's got dragons and wyrms and serpents and giant wolves#and griffins and one time there's a sphinx although she doesn't stay permanently. Danyal has a blast answering her riddles though.#that panther is based off the dnd displacer beast. there's little salamanders and gazelles with three eyes. there's more sea monsters than#just suhā and the other two leviathans but i couldnt think of any. im obsessed with the sea serpents if you havent notice LMFAO.#there's pegasi and a manticore and a ton of infinite realms monsters that are just an assortment of animals slapped together#the shades woods are a mega-island idea that i had. they're where a bunch of the “shades ghosts” are from. Its this large forest area with#megaflora trees similar to the redwood forest with canopies so thick and wide that no light can reach the bottom. so all of the native faun#living there have adapted to live in the shadows. there are a few villages that live in tall tree houses like the ewok villages that outsid#ghosts can go visit. the panther that's from there is very fond of danyal honestly. anyways yEAH ANIMAL WHISPERER DANNY.#her beasties are all animals up until she's like. 19. where she promptly steals an infant minotaur from a Legends Islands near Pandora#he wasn't being treated well okay!!! she couldn't stand by and watch. his name is asterion. he's a year old. and she'll kill for him.#i dont have enough tags to talk about Damian or her family >:T. just know that i am leaning into her assassin bg as usual :)
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arrives 15 min late with a latte
......sup
#yosuke hanamura#persona 4#cool now that its done i can ramble in the tags#fellas im surprised hes here and done#did not think that was gonna happen#fuck i forgot smth#eh ill fix it before i make my print#anywho i might make more i might not who knows not i#yukiko is the next one i have half an idea on but also i have some shining nikki designs rattling around with my sole braincell#i also made a shadow alt for the back but idk if i like the mouth so yall arent gonna see him#also i need to find a gold foil guy that does odd sizes and like moq of 1#bc i wanna do this in gold foil#and its tarot card size bc im dumb as hell#but i want a print for my wall and i know sure as shit no one else will want one hence the moq of 1#my heart wants to make the whole major arcana for p4 but my past completed works says °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ 𝑛𝑜 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・#so whatever gets done will get done#also im gonna reblog this a lot bc i put in too many hours to get a singular note by me so like if you dont wanna see it block me lmfao#if you have any hot takes for future cards please share with the class bc i only have ideas for yukiko and a full cast she does not make fr#so uh yeah yeehaw#idk what else to ramble about but like cannot believe yosuke fucking hanamura is the first chara to get a completed piece in 5 years#im not fucking kidding#the rest were all quick graphite or abandoned#hes not even my fave in p4- thats naoto protag chan kou and nanako#boys lucky to hit top 5#he just kinda crawled into my affection like some kind of sad pathetic creature idk how it happened either#maybe hes overprocessed now that im looking at it#nope i looked too long this is it this is how he is#ill do better by the women i promise
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..polly pocket au.. (<- a type of doll.)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#just part of my modern au.... maybe this is like their 3rd meeting at age 10 or something thanks to their caretakers..#i drew the tiny arkco and felt like they looked like tiny dolls like my little sister used to play with LOL#it's like an Atelier Dreamhouse where your polly pockets can be artists btw and there's a brushbug accessory.#the baby romantic tension of crafting little worlds with our dollies and what if my agott dolly had a crush on your coco dolly..?#they will grow out of dolls and play on neopets more. Neopets is for serious kids. plus it's too sad when my doll misses your doll?#I literally have several other actual things i want to draw like proper things =_=#qifrey is good at making dramatic backstories but oru will always be like ERM..ARE THEY IN LOVE??..i love that about him#the bracelets thing in the manga..crucial oru characterisation moment..even if they played sims though it wouldnt be like#oru plans the relationships and qifrey does the house design and suchlike though he'd like it#qifrey also has a very emotional and personable mind but he thinks of like..Ooh what traumas do they have..Let that man play dnd#also qifrey has decided the dramatic villain for his polly pocket is a masked floating man btw. Of course. he resurfaces in his dnd game#*dramatic voice* Release us from our chains polly. Give into the forbidden magic and deliver us (olly: WHOA..... <3) *high voice* NO!!
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Okay but Gojo raised two children at 17/18 alone with like zero experience on how to be a good parent while he was training to become the strongest and shortly after loosing his best friend who had also been the one he had been in love with in one of the most horrendous and cruel ways possible all while keeping up an incredibly cheerful and carefree personality.
You can't tell me that this man wasn't emotionally, mentally and probably also physically exhausted during that time.
#Doing all of that is honestly so impressive#And doing so while being at a bad place in life/struggling with mental health makes it even more difficult to manage#I like to think that Nanami and Shoko kept checking on him frequently despite him saying that he was fine and didn't needed any help#He was just 17/18 at that time. He was so young.#Hc: When he had a moment for himself in the evening when the kids were already in bed he would just sit in bed and stare holes into the air#he would do so for nearly one hour unless one of the kids would call for him which happened rarely#shoving only tiny parts of headcanons which aren't bsd related into the posts which aren't bsd related so that I can still publish them#Listening to sad songs while my mental health is getting worse again really sets the mood for this one#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#gojo saturo#saturo gojo#megumi fushiguro#tsumiki fushiguro#fushiguro tsumiki#geto suguru#suguru geto#satoru x suguru#satosugu#jjk gojo#jjk spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#not bsd related
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btw. if you even care
#bob being affectionate w/ his kids is always soo sweet because you know that big bob wasn't showing him any of that affection growing up#and society never taught men to be affectionate with their kids in that way so everything he does is so Intentional#he thinks like. ohh i should give gene a hug bcuz he's feeling sad right now!!#i should give louise a kiss Bcuz i love her#he has to like. actually Think about these things they aren't natural to him but imo that makes them so much sweeter#he cares soo much he wants to be a good dad for his kids and show them the affection that he never got#txt#bob's burgers
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Maybe I’m just being dramatic but it does legitimately scare and sadden me to see that a lot of transandrophobia truthers are literally just…young boys. Like, actual children. Like you’re not even old enough to vote yet and you have your whole life ahead of you and yet you are being manipulated into joining an mra group that hates trans women with a passion and thinks that men are oppressed in society for being men, and constantly uses Black men as their talking point in order to sound diverse and inclusive, meanwhile they’re also appropriating and misusing terminology specifically created by Black women to talk about our own oppression in order to get their misandry point across…to say nothing of the fact that the largest people in this group(including but not limited to its creator!) have misogynistic rape/detrans kinks centered specifically around preying on lesbians and trans women and this is something that is normalized and defended by the vast majority of transandrophobia truthers, or at least defended viciously by every single transandrodork that I’ve ever encountered who argued with me(a lesbian!!!) that actually there’s nothing wrong with getting off to the corrective rape of women because two consenting adults can do whatever they want in the bedroom(yeah right)! Not to mention I have yet to come across a transandrophobia truther who wasn’t also a raging die-hard Zionist.
And that’s why it disturbs me so much to see young trans boys jumping onto this transmisogynistic hate train like you guys realize these men don’t have your best interests at heart, right? They’re only going to manipulate you into being a sexist entitled asshat who shuns and bullies the trans women in your community and sees them as oppressing you. Like I know you’re still in middle/high school but you can still think for yourselves, you can choose to be better than this, you can choose to actually learn about feminism and realize that it’s not actually misandry that oppresses you, it’s transphobia. Misandry doesn’t suddenly become real because you slap a trans paint over it that’s not how it works that’s not how intersectionality works that’s not how any of this shit works. There are better trans men to talk to about trans issues who know that the patriarchy is real and don’t shit on trans women in order to speak out about trans topics, so go seek them out, okay? You absolutely do not have to listen to shit that the “male supremacists but trans” group of lowlives has to say. Hell, tell them to fuck off instead! Please, I promise you that there are much better options, there are ALWAYS better options, and you still have time to escape before they fully radicalize you into basically being an incel. There will ALWAYS be another way. ❤️
#transmisogyny#trans women#trans#lesbian#lesbophobia#transandrophobia is not real#sexism#misogyn#misogynoir#anti-blackness#racism#tw corrective rape#op#yes this is a vaguepost no i’m not naming names bc he’s a minor and i don’t want him to get harassed#but it does legitimately unnerve me and make me so sad#i normally mock transandrobros brutally if they’re older than me but when they’re children which is disturbingly becoming quite common#like sweetheart you still have recess what are you DOING#i don’t wanna sound like i think kids are stupid or know nothing or anything like that#because like i said many of them CAN make the choice to be better#it’s just also true that many kids are very impressionable and vulnerable and don’t have anywhere else to turn to so it’s hardly a surprise#that many of them turn to people who are really not worth listening to such as in these cases#so when i see a transandrophobia truther ruthlessly arguing that men are oppressed and then i go to their profile and it says 14 it’s like#how am i supposed to make fun of that now i’m just sad they need help#or to just grow up lol#if they’re lucky then these teenage trans boys will mature out of the idea that misandry is real and trans women are speaking over them in#the community/the source of all their problems#if they’re not lucky then they’ll turn out like…your everyday mra ig and no one wants to see that#at least i don’t
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there's nothing to forgive
#kidkiller#theyre broken but they have each other#killer feels so much blame for everything that happened he doesnt register the amount of trauma he has experienced#he only thinks about being back at kids side and begging for his forgiveness but baby you dont even know#it physically hurts me the amount of love and sadness and tenderness they make me feel#kid thought he lost him forever and to hold him again in his arms feels surreal#i know they have so many nightmares so they go to each others beds like when they were children#so they can feel safer and try to sleep or at least hear each others breathing#theyre so real#killer#one piece#one piece fanart#killer one piece#kidkil#eustass kid#kid#eustasskid#eustasscaptainkid#op fanart#one piece eustass#my art
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sp tired of all the nightmares and identity crisis i jst wanna be normal
#i was digging around my head bc i really need to drive#but every time im im in front of the wheel i get soo panicked#everyone does#even those who want to drive have this anxiety#obvs im assuming it comes from somewhere#while digging around i had an awful nightmare#i was thrown in a maze tht was constantly shifting and being followed#by shadow demons#anyways they ate me and this child was ripped away#ive not really been able to find out much abt her#i think her name is Dot#and i think shes one of the youngest#idk i tried to talk to her but#she was talking with eddie briefly#he helped her get her surroundings#but he left while crying and will switched in#i think the kids make him sad#imagine how i feel
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finally started p5 royal ‼️‼️‼️‼️
expect some royal trio art soon they are my dearly beloveds (minus akechi i hope he dies in this reality too)
#love that ren got the sad boy kdrama fit#also no idea how akechi survived i want to shake it out of him so bad why are you gatekeeping stupid bitch#idk if this is just him w/o the pleasant boy facade but he seems so much more exhausted and cruel#like everything he says is verbal irony bc he’s patronizing everyone. he hates being a team player sm it’s insane 💀💀💀#he’s so withdrawn and short tempered and actually mentally unstable. like sadistically so#i think these are all warning signs#if he dies again i’m ending it all. you didn’t come back from the dead just to die on me again#also sumire….i love her so bad…..my sweet girl….my baby ☹️☹️☹️☹️#sumire yoshizawa they could NEVER make me hate you#she reminds me of a fawn 😭😭😭😭 with her big soft doe eyes and how she’s so curious and eager#GAAAAAHHH every time she comes up on screen i want to give her a headpat SO BAD…..SHES SUCH A FUCKING CUTIE#i feel so bad for ren bro he’s literally stuck babysitting the new kid and simultaneously keeping akechi on a leash 😭#poor boy needs a break. we should go to hawaii again that was fun#anyway yeah that's all#hopefully i’ll finish the game this week i’m sick of this. i want to move on
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post ep 11
#trigun stampede#trigun#meryl stryfe#nicholas d wolfwood#vash the stampede#i cant even elaborate on this episode bc ive spent all day Thinking about it yesterday#and it made me Miserable#i just want to see vash have some autonomy again...#he is a little bit more on the quieter end for stampede as less angry about things but i dont think he's more of a coward in stampede#even though he was transported into his memories and saw and heard those terrible things from the kids and wolfwood#he was able to gather himself and keep going#his resilience has always been the strongest and also saddest thing about him#so it killed me irreversibly when he lost the one person who he could always look back to reliably#the fact knives couldnt even alter anything in rem's dialogue within those memories just stands for how strong her place is in vash's memory#and potentially knives just knows that would be too ooc of her to make in any Universe if she had something horrible.#man. I TALKED ABOUT THIS IN LIKE ALL 3 PLATFORMS. I'm alright with Knives as a character but jesus#- i did it all for you - im so sad that vash had to hear something like that. im so so sad about it#anyway i hope meryl stays safe shes done so much#i love her so much <3#ruporas art
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yknowwww there is something... deeply uncomfortable about the way mel never speaks directly to viktor in the 'build hextech weapons' scene. she really only speaks to jayce. plenty of people have pointed this out already but like the one scene they actually share a meaningful interaction and she treats him like he's beneath her. all this after jayce has emphasized how important viktor is, that hextech is theirs, together. she unequivocally ices him out, there's no other way to interpret this scene. the way it's shot too - from viktor's perspective, looking up at her, as though to reinforce the same belief in him. like he doesn't even bother expecting respect from her - or anyone from the upper echelon of piltover. he's fully accustomed to being dehumanized by everyone around him at this point. sometimes even by jayce, despite the trust they clearly have in each other.
then of course after this scene is viktor experimenting on himself. it's pretty clear that he has internalized his own dehumanization. crazy.
#dont open these tags unless you want to read an essay im so serious#quick disclaimer i do properly ship jayvik as of s2e9 aha#sorry abt the like. spam. but yk this what rewatching an insanely detailed show with fresh eyes does to a mfer#arcane#.txt#i think mel and jayce (among others) both exhibit the same kind of casual classism#jayce somewhat more obviously with his whole 'the zaunites are dangerous' spiel#and mel more subtly. its in the way she shows very little concern for the plight of the undercity until yk. it explodes in her face#she's been on the council for a decade. has done little but rub elbows with the elites of piltover and amass her own fortune#pretty clear she hasn't so much as blinked at the horrific state of zaun. this makes her a very willing participant in its oppression fyi#and then of course her treatment of viktor#ive seen it pretty heavily debated and i don't really see any reason to deny or defend these actions of hers#likewise when jayce accosts viktor and reprimands him for going to the undercity or makes a hextech weapon there's no reason to excuse him#these are clear examples of classist behaviour and i dont think it does anybody any favours to ignore it#jayvik#<-tagged bc those who do not want to read criticism of or about mel will likely have it blocked#im not here to stir the pot thanks#there's also something a bit kooky about the idea of 2 privileged rich kids commiserating about the sad state of the undercity#meanwhile a literal resident of said undercity whose perspective they could REALLY use is dying in a lab using his own body to try and#cure a common zaunite ailment/disease#meanwhile they wont help until they feel piltover is 'safe' (aka has WMDs to use against any perceived threat aha....)#anyway#its all very complicated and i dont doubt that their intentions were good (...mostly) but the road to hell and all that#it just rly bothers me that viktor was like. right there. a wealth of insight into zaun. and neither jayce nor mel even bother engaging him
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This scene of Till innocently peaceful with such a big smile feels incomplete to me after the events of round 7--But more true to his character rather than a comic with his final thoughts like Sua and Ivan had, it's cruel, brief, like a flashback, and it's bittersweet. Till is probably going to be reserved and ambiguous till the end. He wouldn't be able to bring himself to think about and reflect on his regrets and traumas; that's Till's principle; living in stubborn, childish beliefs, and in those truths, he finds escape into solace, even if it's unlike his reality, it's how he copes enough to make everything bearable for the next day to come. This image feels like a reflection, a memory of when he was happier in life. In Till's final moments, he thought about his and Mizi's childhood, the moment he fell in love with her was when she smiled at him with such radiance, the same moment, he felt like his heart was reborn; it was like he could breathe and smile solely for her. Till thinks back to these moments, these fleeting moments of peace because he can't let them go, he can't let go of the comfort of that familiarity.
--"Oh in a blink Gone. Blink and Gone, relish the present."
This image does bring me back to a lot of lyrics in Round 7. But this one in particular, a line that talks about living in the present before the moment slips between your fingers, in a blink, gone. But Till lives in the past.
Till doesn't think back to round 1 when he killed that alien guitar for Mizi, even though it was fully his decision, even though it was so gratifying seeing "Till win" and Mizi's acknowledgment, do you think he would have done that if he wasn't desperate and just doing what he felt like he had to do to survive? Because he had to stay by Mizi's side in her darkest moment like she was the one beacon of hope and happiness for him?
Till only suffers when he thinks back to round 6. When he's reminded of regret and pain. So, he represses the very memory of it to protect himself, he can't bring himself to even acknowledge it at all until he's forced to, when the aliens were intimidating him with Mizi's missing poster, he fights back out of anger. Just having that weakness, his guilt, and his grief used against him feels like a different kind of collar. Till thinks back to these warm, intangible memories of his childhood because life on stage was never something he could make his own, he didn't want to live for anything Alien Stage offered him, power, fame, etc. Despite his passion for music, Till is gentle and emotional at heart. This throne that is elevated high by bloodied corpses, a life living stagnant and trapped under the suffocating palm of an Alien, at the very top but inexplicably expendable, was never Till's vision of a life worth living. That's why he fought like hell for the life he wanted, for the life that he could've had. It really drives the point home when his final thoughts were centered around those moments when he was the happiest in his life.
It is so hard to feel the beauty, the warmth, in this image when everything around him is inauthentic, and it's off-putting because of the underlying details, especially since because of his gown, this scene might have taken place after one of those experiments or 'classes' it's a very subtle reminder of their reality. But his smile is so real in the moment without the collar, without the pain... he looks so carefree and full of life
And he scrunches his nose when he laughs *gets shot*
#alien stage#alnst#alnst till#alien stage till#i dont think i can talk about it enough...he's so fucking precious to me i fucking hate him (affectionately)#AGH#aghrhhhh#i still want to see a comic of his final thoughts though#this just feels like a vaguer and and more metaphorical way of getting his feelings across in one lense or another#but when i say it feels incomplete. this doesnt feel like all he has to say yet (i hope)#I MISS MY WIFE#cosmic boom of emotions when i see this i dont know how to put it into words#but vivinos has me in a chokehold#he's just a kid. the way he had to go through so many things seeing this face makes me feel happy for him and sad#i really want to kill myself but i miss till so badly#god i am your weakest soldier for till alien stage only#I SMILE AND I CRY HIS FREEDOM THE LACK OF COLLAR HIS HAPPINESS#AUHGHGH#the primal urge to hold him close and burrito him ina. blanket..i love him#till alien stage#till alnst
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