#i think the disappointment ppl are feeling is valid

[hottsyforpottsy]

Do I think Nandermo might be stronger than ever after the finale? Yes.

But do I think we should have gotten some confirmation physically (not even necessary a kiss but something) especially after this season? Also YES.

[majestic-kestrel]

oh dear.

from what I've seen (on my dash) I feel like I'm the only one who was okay with that ending?

BBC ghosts spoilers in the tags

[official-queer]

bUt He'S vAlId!!!!

[baalzebufo]

ive been rewatching gravity falls starting this week only this time around I have access to the commentary tracks i've never listened to before and

lemme tell ya, I don't need any sort of 'confirmation' from a source on the show when it comes to my headcanons. but hearing alex hirsch describe his idea for gideons origins as a talented kid who was born a 'freak' with his white hair and generally weird nature being kinda ostracised by his peers. and then finding a promise of power in the journal and it unlocking a little evil in him. feels very validating to be like ahhh. we were on the same wavelength...

im gonna put some doodles I did of Even Younger Gideon here because, i've been comin around on changing my previous backstory to lean into the 'town darling' thing more oops haha

everyone in town loves him! well, the adults, anyway. because hes cute and funny. and he doesnt understand WHY the other kids DONT like him. (the 'real' reason is just, they're kids. sometimes kids are rude to people who are different. bullying happens.) and if his identity is built around 'everyone loves me!' then what does it mean if they dont? he can't tell anyone. then the facade will crack. his parents will be disappointed if they find out, he thinks. so he internalizes it. until it reaches a boiling point.

like, I totally get it- when i was a kid id have elaborate fantasies at school about doing something So Cool And Badass that everyone would like me or be mad that they didnt like me before and the ppl who were mean to me would have to suck it. but those stayed fantasies. gideon was given the power to make those real, and turned into a monster about it

[leftrightnomin]

Celebratory Praise ll Mark Lee

Pairing: Mark Lee x Reader

Summary: Pacing back and forth the room, Mark found himself in an endless battle with his nerves. It's his first time performing as a solo artist in an award. In your effort to be present on this very important day, you acknowledge a new-found glory that turned out pleasurable to both of you.

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Established relationship, Unprotected sex (wrap it up, ppl), Praise kink, Fingering, Lots of dirty talking, Size kink, Oral sex (mkl receiving)

A/N: This is my first ever smut here on this account. Please be nice to me as I am only a beginner. Tell me what you think about it. Enjoy!

It’s been a tough long day. Today is a very important day for your boyfriend. Mark was invited to an event and he was taking you as his plus one. The day started with cuddles and breakfast served in your hotel room near the venue of the event. And by 1 PM, you started getting ready with Mark for an award show. Not just any award show, though, it was his first award show that he was going to alone.

It was his first-ever award show as a solo artist. He was nominated for Best Male Artist for his solo, Golden Hour.

Since you started going publicly out with an idol, Mark was always making sure that you were taken care of well every time you were out in the public. It made you feel safe and secured around him in the public eye. It's also a bonus that the fans were so supportive of your relationship. Hence, you weren't worried about anything.  

Mark, on the other hand, was nervous, to say the least. He rarely got like this, pacing back and forth, around your hotel room, rambling, stuttering, and tripping over his words. He was a mess.

“Babe,” he catches your attention as he fiddled with the rings on his fingers, "What if I choke out there?"

He had changed his accessories, from his rings to his chain necklace, for the fifth time tonight. You honestly felt bad for laughing at his hysterics. He was just so cute, far from his cool, calm, and collected self.

"Mark Lee, would you please calm your butt? You have been pacing around the room for about 30 minutes straight now," I chuckled. "Calm down, love."

I got up from my seat and handed him a bottle of water, "Here, drink this. It will help relax your nerves."

He took the bottle and downed the liquid, muttering a little 'thank you'. You smiled in return and held his cold hands.

"Stop worrying please, hmm? You're not going to choke out there. Don't think too much about it," you assured. "This isn't the first time you've performed in front of a big crowd. You're going to be great, babe."

“But I’ve never done it alone, I-I’ve always had 127 and Dream on the stage with me,” Mark was having trouble forming his statement, “W-what if people don’t like the stage because it's just me? What if I disappoint you and the fans?”

I frowned, "Mark, don't say that. You will never disappoint me, okay?"

"I'm sorry I'm being such a loser right now," Mark sighed, covering his face with his hands and finally sitting down on the couch.

Seeing your boyfriend worried and having a panic attack hurt you. He was always hardworking and goal-oriented. His efforts were always doubled for the fans and everything that he does. He always made sure to do his best. The Mark you are with right now just proves how much of a human and softie idols are.

I moved and sat on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands automatically made their way to your waist and tightly held onto it. Your hands were now playing with the ends of his hair, trying to calm him down.

“Babe, it's okay to feel nervous. Your feelings are very much valid. So don't say sorry, okay?" I said, trying to catch eye contact with him. "And you're not a loser, hmm? You're such an amazing and dedicated artist. They’re gonna love you, Mark. Your fans are very supportive and they'll love you no matter what. Just be yourself and have fun during your stage. That will be enough for your fans and also, me!"

He looked at you with doubtful eyes and pouted, "I love you."

"I love you, my big baby." I kissed his pout away. "Your song turned out so well, babe. To me, you will always be a person worthy of all good things. Win or lose, it won't change the fact that you're THE Mark Lee. Keep that in mind, okay?"

Mark nodded even though it was obvious that he was still wary.

~ • ~ •~ • ~ •~ • ~ •~ • ~

You had arrived at the venue. As you expected, Mark got into the moment as soon as we got here. He was engaging in his interviews, cracking jokes with reporters and other artists, and being his charming self. You were aware, nevertheless, that he was keeping an extremely tight hold on your hand while you both walked along the carpet.

Mark walked with you to your seats but was later on called and whisked away for his performance.

“You got this, babe,” you encouraged him, giving him a quick peck on his lips. "Remember what we talked about. Have fun on your stage. 'll be cheering for you the loudest."

Mark mustered up the most confident smile he could and left a lingering kiss on your forehead, before making his way backstage.

You knew Mark had it in him to completely kill the performance. He was so talented, but you were still a little nervous for an unknown reason.

He's going to be so good.

The beginning of the show went by in a blur. You couldn't recall who performed what song or even who was presenting the awards. You couldn’t think of anything but Mark.

Finally, the host announced him, causing the whole stadium to get filled with squeals and applause. You contributed to the cheers knowing so well that it would help boost your boyfriend's confidence.

Mark performed Vibration, one of your favorites, followed by his song, Golden Hour. The whole room loved him. The crowd was dancing and singing along to him. Your boyfriend was so into it, running and dancing around the stage.

The Mark you knew was back. He looked calm, cool, and collected as the stage lights made the thin layer of sweat on his skin glisten.

And sexy, really hot and sexy.

Fuck, now, I'm getting horny just by looking at him perform.

I let out an exasperated sigh when I felt my core reacting to Mark's Vibration. It was a good thing that we were in public. It made me calm myself down.

Wait until you get home, Y/N.

He's gonna be all yours.

You urged yourself.

When he finally finished, the crowd was screaming louder than before. You couldn’t wipe the proud smile off your face. You were so proud of him and the performance he showed. It was like he wasn't even stuttering of nervousness before.

“You were so amazing, babe." You gushed when he went back to you and kissed him.

“Thanks, babe. I heard you cheering for me,” he replied, unable to hide his smile.

"I told you the audience will love you,"

You were happy he was happy, but it didn’t take long for the nerves to creep back in when the post-performance high wore off. Of course, his category was towards the end of the show, so Mark spent the whole time fidgeting in his seat. And he was once again on the edge of his seat when the winners were about to be announced.

You held his hand, giving it a little squeeze, "This is it, babe. No matter what happens, you shine the brightest to me."

Your heart dropped together with Mark's. Mark’s name wasn’t announced. He didn’t win.

You looked over at him. He was clapping, and smiling politely, but you could see the strain in his eyes. You didn’t say anything, at least not now, not in front of all these people. You could tell that he wasn't ready for anything you have to say. So you wait.

~ • ~ •~ • ~ •~ • ~ •~ • ~

The car ride home was more reserved and quieter this time. The air felt heavy and I felt the need to be careful with the next words I say.

“Mark,” you said softly as you followed him through the door of the place you shared, “Talk to me.”

He sighed, sitting down on the couch, and staring at the floor, “I’m okay, babe."

Liar!

Mark forces a smile which made your heart hurt for him. You have never seen a smile so fake in your entire life.

“Mark,” you said, “We both know that that's not true. C'mon, babe. I'm here.”

I extended my arms to pull him into a warm hug which he gladly accepts. He lets out another sigh and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer.

“I'm okay, babe. I'm just," his voice was strained. "I'm just a little disappointed and worried about what other people would think. I mean, I won awards as a member of NCT and I can’t seem to now. What if doing a solo was a bad idea? What if accepting projects as Mark Lee's a big mistake?”

Your heart was breaking for him, and you knew you had to do something to fix this. Even though he didn't win that award, you were convinced that to give him a different one. He had to know how amazing he is.

“I don’t think you realize who you are,” you began, cupping his chin, and making him look you in the eyes. “You’re Mark fucking Lee. You’re talented, smart, sexy, and hot as hell. That award is nothing to the award I'm about to give you.”

Mark shrugged, but you could tell he was listening, "Babe, what are you talking about?"

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I feel so privileged that I get to be the one to hold you like this," you let your hand roam his chest, touching and feeling every inch of him. "I'm so honored that I get to kiss you like this."

You hungrily kissed him. He immediately kissed back and we found ourselves in a tongue battle as he played his tongue in my mouth. You let out a small whimper when he bit your lower lip for more access, his grip on your waist getting tighter.

He's always loved it when you compliment him.

“I need you to feel something, baby,” you said, lowering your voice down an octave.

Mark watched you intently as you slipped your underwear off under your dress. You grabbed his hand, guiding his hands to your center, letting him feel you. Mark let out a low moan when his fingertips felt your hot core.

“Feel that Mark?” you asked, desperation laced your voice.

Mark nodded, biting his lip. He slowly glides his hand in a circular motion, spreading the wetness that was already forming in between your legs, "God baby, you're dripping."

“That’s all for you,” you purred, “Just from watching you up on that stage performing, with sweat coating your soft skin. God, you were so good. I wanted to  just grab and take you right then and there.”

“Was I that good, baby?” Mark asked. You knew he was fishing for compliments. He's always so keen on hearing how good he makes you feel. And you were more than happy to give exactly what he wants.

“Better than good. You were amazing. Thousands of people screaming for you, Mark. Just you,” you egged him on.

You were now straddling his lap and you could feel his length harden beneath you, "Hmmm."

"Fuck," you cursed as you felt two of his fingers stretch your walls.

His fingers moved agonizingly slow inside you, making your breath heavier and your mind cloudy.

“Are you gonna scream for me, Y/N?” He curled his fingers inside you, hitting your sweet spot.

"Oh, Mark! Yes, keep going, please."

“I’m gonna scream so loud for you, Mark,” you continued. "Look at me, babe. Getting all riled up with just your fingers."

You let out a moan, as pleasure began to pool in your lower stomach. "No one can make me feel as good as this. Only you."

You didn’t have to do much pretending. His long fingers were reaching all the right places, making your core wetter with every stroke.

“You want more of me, baby girl?” Mark asked.

“I need you Mark, I need you to fuck me so bad. I need to get fucked by that big cock of yours,” You whined rolling your hips against his fingers, pushing them in deeper.

"Fuck,"

You couldn't wait any longer so you pulled at his shirt, not caring if you ripped any buttons in the process. He immediately returned the favor by ripping your dress off of you, unclasping your bra, and leaving you in all your glory in front of him.

"You're so pretty, baby."

Successfully unbuckling his pants, you felt your mouth water when you see the obvious bulge that was straining against his boxers. Just looking at it makes your core tingle and you feel yourself getting wetter.

“God, Mark, you’re so big,” you breathed, as you pulled off his last bit of clothing.

You took his dick in your hand, lightly stroking it to tease him.

He let out a mumble whimper, squeezing his eyes shut as you played with him, "Fuck, Y/N. That feels so good."

“Do you realize how many people wish they had you like this? Wish they could see your sexy body all laid out for them. And see your cock so red and hard for them? But it’s all for me, and I want it all, every last aching inch,” your words were dripping with lust.

You licked a stripe up his pulsing cock, making him twitch in your hands and groan.

"Looks like someone's missing my mouth."

“Such filthy words from a pretty little mouth,” Mark groaned. He parted your lips with the tip of his cock, gaining access to your mouth.

You kneeled in front of him, between his thighs, and started taking him in your mouth. His cock was so big that you still couldn't fit everything inside your mouth even though you'd done this a couple of times already.

"Fuck, babe," Mark let out a groan and started to thrust his hips, "You're doing so well for me."

Mark's eyes never left yours as his face contorted with pleasure. You felt motivated to let him cum. But you wanted it in another whole. You took his shaft out of your mouth, letting out a popping sound, and licked a long stripe along his pulsating cock, swirling your tongue on his tip.

"Shit," he cursed looking at you with lust-filled eyes.

“Fuck me, Mark,” you demanded, "Fuck me dumb like you can."

The words barely left your mouth when Mark flipped you down on the couch.

“I’m gonna fuck you so good, Y/N,” Mark promised.

His tip was pressed against your aching core, making you squirm. Before you could say another word, he pressed his length into you. You let out a loud gasp, as you tried to adjust to his member. Mark let out a deep groan as he pushed into you, "Fuck, baby. You're so tight."

“I love when you fill me up, baby,” you said, “You’re so big and thick, you feel so good in me.”

“Tell me, Y/N, tell me how good I make you feel,” Mark demanded through gritted teeth as he thrust into you.

“Feels so-oh, uhm, good,” you told him, “You're so deep, baby. I love it so so much.”

"Ugh, Mark!"

“I love the way your pussy tightens around my cock when you speak like that Y/N,” Mark groaned. "Such a slut for me. Only me."

He thrust into you harder and deeper. You threw your head back and let out a loud groan when he pushed against your sweet spot.

“Right there, baby. You're making me feel so fucking good, babe."

You watch as Mark's eyes darken even more and his face contorts with pleasure.

"No one will ever fuck you as I do, Y/N."

“Oh, fuck.” His thumb pressed to your clit.

He rubbed against your bundle of nerves, adding up to the pleasure, rendering you speechless and unable to think straight. All your thoughts went. Nothing but how fucking good he was making you feel. You were a moaning mess and all you could hear was groan after groan and Mark's skin slapping against yours.

“Scream for y/n, scream my name," Mark ordered.

He pulled out his cock, leaving only his tip inside you, and pushed himself inside with extra force.

"Shit, Mark!" You screamed. "Do it again, please. Please, please one more. Just like that."

"I said scream, baby." He pulls back and thrust harder, "C'mon, what's my name?"

"MARK!"

"MARK, please,"

"FUCK, MARK. Feels so fucking good," you screamed shamelessly, not caring if the neighbors could hear you.

"Please, don't stop," you begged, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you felt yourself come closer to the edge. "I'm s-so c-cl- close."

“Don’t hold back babe,” he told you, his voice low and heavy.

Your visions went hazy as pleasure enveloped your body.

“Mark!” you cried out, feeling the wave pulse through you.

He continued to roll his hips against you, milking out your high. The combination of your tightening around him and screaming his name was enough to send you over the edge.

“Fuck, y/n,” he let out a deep, throaty groan, throwing his head back as he released his seed inside of you. He fell on top of your chest as you both rod out your highs, filling the room with soft whimpers.

“Thank you,” Mark said as he fixed himself on top of you and cuddled closer.

“For what?” you asked, still catching your breath.

“For making me receive the best award I could ever,” he said, giving you a soft kiss, “And for making me feel better.”

"Thank you too, babe. That was amazing,” you replied.

You weren’t even trying to hype him up, it was truly an amazing orgasm. A mind and soul-wrecking one.

Mark let out a soft laugh and snuggled closer to you, "Did you mean every word you said?"

“Every,”

"Single,"

"Word," you highlighted each word with a kiss.

Mark smiled, "I'm so lucky. I love you, Y/N.”

“And I love you,"

[yonpote]

Honestly so relieved with the charity they picked. As an adult I spent a lot of time trying to not seek out validation for my political/social opinions from celebrities but I am so glad they're doing this. I don't mind him being apolitical online but it's nice to see he's doing this because it's important

yeah i think phil has always been good about this even tho sure hes not as vocal about his politics as dan can be. i was talking to some friends and i misremembered phil posting a black square on ig during the BLM protests for george floyd (which if u dont remember was just the absolute laziest form of performative activism) but they quickly corrected me that he actually posted a graphic that said Black lives matter and had a handful of resources in support of the movement and didnt tag it was blacksquare or anything like that and imo very clearly wasnt doing that for clout

i'll be real i was growing a little frustrated hearing about people who were really begging them to speak up about this, and i can understand feeling disappointed when your favs dont speak up about something important but ultimately sometimes thats a thing you just have to let go. and like this point is moot now because they are speaking up and supporting the pcrf and everything! i remember when people hounded dan for tweeting about a ceasefire? as in pro-palestine ppl getting angry with the way he worded his tweet? and like. idk i get it sometimes dan doesnt perfectly phrase things but like WE KNOW he has his heart in the right place so like what's the point in getting upset about the particulars of his choice of words.in general internet culture is so much about semantics and wording things rather than about actions and intent and impact on the world.

and its also very much a parasocial thing to where like, i think for ME bc ive figured out a healthier way to interact with my favs. i know how to separate them from me as a person so like, dnp's actions and statements don't say anything about me as a person or any of their fans. and i mean that's been proven with like, on twitter theres like all these fanartists doing incentives for ppl to donate for fanart and thats like so cool and like didnt need to be sanctioned by dnp or anything it was just something a bunch of people decided together ykwim?

[chlorinecake]

I just saw what that anon said and I can really really relate I feel like there's no way I can like them cuz I'm black I feel like. Weird for having a crush on Ni-ki cuz I'm black and even though I know there's no chance anyway cause he probably doesn't date fans obviously lol It makes me ashamed especially because people are always saying "what if / he probably doesn't like black girls/people" and it makes me feel like I'm less beautiful because I'm black and even if he did date fans I mean I'm like SOOOO ugly like atrocious but it makes me feel like even if I was a little bit more pretty he wouldn't like me or would dismiss me cause I'm black or like I wouldn't be good enough or he'd be disgusted or disappointed or weirded out because I'm black and a fan /has a crush on him and besides him it makes me feel like enhypen wouldn't talk to me or treat me the same cuz I'm not Asian or white like I couldn't be a fan or wouldn't be as important or pretty or cool or even just they wouldnt want me as a fan or like me or even look my way cause im black its gotten so bad that people dont evn have to say that anymore (they do but they dont have too) for me to think that way. Like I know we all saw that pretty engene video with that girl with the glasses and i couldn't help but make it about race like thinking would they look at me like that or would I be ugly abd weird cause I'm black ? Or if she was black would they still think she's pretty? Or would they even put the camera on her if she was black ? Anyway I'm rambling but being black is something I struggle with even without people saying the group I like or the guy I have a crush on (Niki obviously) wouldn't like me or would hate me for being black . Or they would be uncomfortable or disgusted with me because I'm black so it's just hard to even see myself meeting them or *even to imagine myself in reader fanfics even if the reader's supposed to be black because I've convinced myself that the only way I'd be pretty or attractive or they'd be friends withe or date me in Ni-kis case is if I was white or Asian* (*just talking about from a fanfic standpoint for this one* but yeah) but yeah it sucks and

Okay, I REFUSE to sit here and let you talk down on yourself like that. I don’t care how true you may think it is, YOU ARE NOT UGLY, Mirah ~ You’re beautiful, from head to toe, melanated skin, curly hair and all. Black women are beautiful, it’s disgusting to me how society has brought some of us to a point where we feel insecure, undesirable, or unworthy of affection from others. My words might not do much to encourage you, because finding confidence (esp as a black girl) takes time. But I really urge you to understand that you can’t expect other ppl to accept you when you don’t even accept yourself. Wish I could give you the BIGGEST hug rn, bc this actually hurts to read :(

Another point, I’ve seen plenty videos of Enhypen (along with other kpop groups) connecting with colored fans in the same way they do with their supporters of a fairer complexion, but I won’t share any of those videos here bc I don’t want you to seek “proof” as a way for you to feel better abt yourself.

On the flip side, let’s say that some ppl in the kpop industry DO have a prejudice (which I’m sure some do): your life and happiness isn’t dependent on their validation.

Let’s not even get started on how a lot of Ni-Ki’s favorite artists are black (Riki Jackson ? Bro would’ve never called himself that if he was racist)… but anyway, colored people like any other group of individuals can b really amazing once they get past their insecurities and embrace the way God made them. Jst know that u can always come to be if your struggling with something or just want to vent <3

[weixuldo]

Enigma// ch 18

anakin x reader

a/n: shit man, stuff is getting tough! i really didn’t think this fic was gonna b as long as it’s becoming hahaha/ ngl even if ppl r losing interest, im still gonna continue it for me heheh- i really like this story :)

The night gets worse and worse

warnings: cursing, cannon disabled character, insecurity, alcohol abuse, emtephobia (barf and stuff…), DONT DO WHAT ANAKIN DOES PLS LORD, ableist comments

_______________________________

As it does, time went by and you tried to move on.

When school ended you moved in with Ahsoka and split rent; it was nice having your best friend around whenever you needed it, plus the two of you shared groceries so the cost of living was much more affordable than if you had gotten your own place. 

As much as you tried to remove Anakin from your mind, he just wouldn’t seem to leave so you enlisted the help of a professional. 

You would go to therapy sessions twice a week; not solely because of Anakin but he definitely was part of it.

Mainly you went to try and deal with the reality of being such a young mother and work on letting your stress out in positive ways: though on occasion you would try to gain insight on your relationship with the older man.

When the therapist asked about him, you explained all he had been through and let her know you knew some of the reasons he acted the way he did; but your therapist assured you no matter the reasons, that didn’t negate the validity of your feelings. 

The first few times you went you were skeptical; how was talking to some random person supposed to help you feel relieved and emotionally stable?

But after a few sessions, you started to see a difference in your moods and outlook on things. 

It was a few days after Anakin’s results came in that Ash told you about the visit she paid Anakin; she recapped her argument with him, his relapse, and that she made him go to the clinic, she told you that she would relay his results to you as soon as she could. 

You worried that she would be upset that you didn’t tell her that he was the father or that the two of you were together, but she brushed it off, “I kinda had a feeling, ya know?”.

You felt bad that he relapsed and was all alone, but then you remembered he was alone on his own merit, his behavior pushed those who cared most away… it wasn’t your fault. 

You didn’t know how long fertility tests usually took, but you awaited the results anxiously.

Every day you woke up hoping that maybe he would reach out or that maybe he would show up at your door, but each time you only set yourself up for disappointment. 

It had been around a week after Ahsoka told you he got the test; sure these things took some time, but he should have the results by now.

You weighed the option of just asking him flat out because you were frankly over his asshole hermit bit. 

The weather was nice and you didn’t have any responsibilities today… ok, maybe you would pay him a visit. You rested a palm on your stomach as you bent over to grab your shoes from the shoe rack; you were definitely showing much more than you were during the first trimester. 

You were about to head out when your phone began to ring; it was Ahsoka.

“Hey Ash, what's up?” you asked as you searched for your keys. 

I finally got it

“Got what?”

It took a lot of coaxing, but I finally got the results

You stopped at the door and placed your keys back onto the counter top; maybe you wouldn’t have to see him. 

y/n…he’s viable.

A weight felt like it had been lifted from your chest, now he had undeniable proof you were telling the truth the whole time- everything he said was for nothing and you were vindicated. 

“That’s amazing news'' you exclaimed into the phone; surely your friend could hear the huge smile on your face just from your voice. 

Yea, but what are you going to do now? He’s the father and now he knows it… you aren’t just going to let him back in after all he did, right?

“No Ash, He knows the truth now and if he wants this or is mature enough, he will come to me and apologize. The ball is in his court” you explained.

Atta girl

You smiled at your friend’s support, “Thanks Ahsoka” 

Anytime

The phone call ended and you went back to your room- hopefully you would be hearing an apology soon or at least hearing from him in general. 

_______________________________________

Across town Anakin sat on his couch and absentmindedly flipped through the channels on his tv; he told Ahsoka the news this morning and it drained him to make the call.

Ahsoka thanked him for getting the test and asked how he felt about the news. He answered quickly and hung up. He knew she was going to tell you and that he should tell you himself and apologize. But what would that do?

It would just solidify that he was a complete asshole- you deserved so much better. Surely you would do the same that he did to you…shut you down completely and demand you leave. 

Maker, why was he such an arrogant shit?

His half drunk mind wasn’t operating at full capacity and he was making a lot of dumb rationalizations to his problems;

You already thought he was an asshole, so why even bother telling you the news himself? 

You deserved better so he should just disappear from your life and not weigh you down.

He really nothing going for him, so fuck it- he was gonna get shitfaced. 

Soon he had made his way back to the couch with a six pack of bud lite and he cracked the first one. Cheers to the pathetic joke that was his life. He gulped them down one by one and sooner than he thought, the pack was already gone. 

He had a good buzz going and went to fetch more but when he scanned his messy fridge for the tinted glass bottles he couldn’t find any. 

“Fuck” he muttered, that was his last case. 

He groaned and slammed the fridge door shut. There was nothing here to cure his itch for alcohol, so he decided tonight would be a great night to go out and get shitfaced in public, cause why the fuck not?

He got his phone out and grabbed one of the many styluses he had scattered through the house for his convenience. He called for an uber to pick him up.

As he waited he changed into pants, a long sleeve, and his gloves- it had been awhile since he had gone out and he forgot what a hassle it was to put all of that shit on. 

By the time he was dressed and collected his wallet, the uber was there. Anakin was an experienced drinker, so even though he already had six beers packed away, he could sober up if he needed to be able to get into the bar. 

The car he rode in was a nice sedan, it was silver and looked like a new model; the problem for Anakin was getting in. All of the cars he usually rode in (yours, Ahsoka’s, Ben’s, and his own) were bigger and sat higher up, so he wasn’t used to having to crouch down to get in. 

He sighed and placed a stiff hand on the roof of the car to steady himself as he lowered himself into the car; he sat with a thud and grunted.

The driver was probably only a few years his junior- he wore big circle glasses, a patterned button down and had a clean shaven face. He looked like a pushover.

Anakin winced at the overwhelming smell of eucalyptus that entered his senses; he wondered how this guy was driving for a job like this- how would he defend himself against a potential threat? By throwing his eucalyptus at them?

Ahh, what was he doing? He was being judgmental for no reason. 

“Are you alright sir?” the man asked.

“Yea, i’m fine,” Anakin said, crossing his arms. 

The man nodded and began to drive to the bar Anakin had entered into the app. 

The bar he wanted to go to was one in the heart of the city, he didn’t want to talk to anyone tonight, but he also didn’t want to be alone; this bar was perfect for that because there were always people doing some random shit that he could eavesdrop on. 

They pulled up to the curb and the driver parked the car. Anakin thanked the man and opened the door to exit. Maker, he was getting nauseous from that fucking air freshener. 

He swung one leg out of the car and pushed himself up with his opposite hand. He stood and grabbed onto the hood of the car with his hand; that was harder than it had to be… damn these prosthetics. 

Once he was standing he shut the door just as the driver was asking if he needed any assistance.

Groups of people crowded around the entrance of the establishment. Some were old regulars whose teeth looked like they were gonna fall out from all of the substances they abused and on the other side there were a group of younger kids who were trying to figure out who was going to try out their fake ID first. 

He scoffed as he pushed through both groups to get inside. The bar was warm and smelled of weed, smoke, and liquor- relief washed over the melancholic man, this is where he would be able to forget. 

An open barstool was soon occupied by him and a bartender quickly made her way down to his seat. 

“I’ll have some of that honey bourbon I've been hearing people rave about” he said, a $10 bill folded between his fingers. 

“Alright, hun, that’s commin’ right up” the busty lady on the other side of the counter said as she grabbed the 10 from his hand, her hand lingering longer than he liked. 

Anakin could tell she was trying to flirt to get a better tip; back before you, he would have gladly indulged her game and revel in every motion she would do to purposefully push up her breasts and flirt back 5 times harder than she was… but now, he had no desire.

All he could think of when she tried to flirt was how he’d much rather be having a quiet night with you, not some bartender who didn’t give a rat’s ass about his life.

His drink was placed in front of him and the woman smiled, “here you are handsome”.

Normally that wouldn’t bother him- she was just doing her job… But tonight he just couldn’t. 

Once he thanked her, she sauntered away; Anakin raised a judgey brow as she intentionally swayed her hips back and forth. When she was finally busy with another customer he called over one of the other bartenders.

“Hey man, you think you could serve me tonight, I don’t really appreciate all of her flirting” he said as blankly as he could. 

The man cleaning glasses on the other side of the mahogany surface chuckled and nodded, “haha, yes man, no problem. She does lay it on pretty hard sometimes, I get it”.

Anakin thanked the man and continued to down drinks. 

As it got later, more and more people began showing up and it became uncomfortably hot. The music started to give him a headache and the smoke was getting thicker; he knew it was time to go when he could hardly suppress his coughing (no thanks to his fucked up lungs). 

The cool evening air felt cleaner than it ever had before as Anakin stood a few yards down from the bar. He had gotten far enough out of the way that he could still hear and see the lights from inside but no line was around him.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up at the sky; the city’s light pollution hid the stars; he still liked to imagine how they’d look. 

He had no idea how much he had in that bar, but he felt like it wasn’t enough- he needed to do something crazy- he needed to interact with people. He wasn’t completely gone yet, but he was pretty drunk (even if he wouldn’t admit it). 

He stumbled down the sidewalk as he made his way to another bar, not far from where he was, that was a “no-smoking” establishment; he wouldn’t have to worry about choking on air there.

The sidewalk seemed to move as he steadied himself by placing a hand on the wall of the buildings on the way to his destination. 

He was feeling pretty good; his problems were far from his mind, instead he was focusing on getting to the bar. He finally made it and attempted to sit on the barstool that just couldn’t seem to sit still. Eventually he caught a bartender’s attention and got set up there with a 20 oz draft beer. 

This bar was crowded too, but less head-pounding music and young adults. He sipped his drink peacefully as he watched the others in the bar; there were a few couples on dates, a group of guys playing pool, and another group throwing darts. 

He downed his beer and placed the glass on the bar as he waited for more- this was definitely one way to spend his army money. 

As he waited a brown haired woman came up behind him and placed a lingering hand on his shoulder.

“Hello, you look lonely tonight, anything I could help with?”.

The lady wore a dress that was way too short and it did not flatter her body at all. She smelled of overwhelming cheap perfume and beer. He was already over it. 

“Nah, I’m just fine,” he said, attempting to wave her off.

She caught one of his gloved hands and began taking off his covering as she asked, “ooh, you have very stiff hands, must be strong-lets see..”.

She managed to get the glove halfway up his palm before he snatched his hand to his chest; “what the fuck you think you’re doing?!” he hissed.

She laughed, “You’re like a robot or somethin’ haha, I’m sure I could please you better than that plastic could, and I only require a pack of cigs after, no monetary charge” she promoted proudly. 

“Not in a million years lady” Anakin mumbled as his cup was replaced with a full one. 

She scoffed and put her hands on her hips, “well that’s alright, I didn’t really want to fuck a cripple anyways”.

At that moment Anakin had the urge to grab her by that pathetic excuse of a dress and throw her against the nearest wall, but he knew he shouldn’t.

“Fuck off”

“No wonder you look lonely, with a personality like that you must be impossible to be around” she huffed before finding the next guy to latch on to. 

He was getting drunker and her words hit a little too close to home- he needed to be more wasted. He began to find random people who would do shots with him. Soon he was blacked out and drinking with everyone. 

“ and i-its its sooo fucked, ‘cause I… I really do love her, but she… I don’t think s-she… I don’t know, WHO WANTS TO DO MORE SHOTS?!” Anakin was everywhere.

He sat at the bar and did two hurricane shots right after another (where you drink it then get water thrown in your face then the bartender slaps you across the face). He was at the point that he couldn’t even feel that-he was gone. 

Though soon after, the shots began catching up with him and he started feeling nauseous. He laid his forehead down on the bar and puked in between his legs and the counter. Some people around offered to help and the bartender got him some water; he insisted he didn’t need it but the alcohol was definitely making him dehydrated. 

Through the middle of sounds he heard a staff member say, “someone needs to get him outta here, we can’t have him in the bar like this”. 

The fuck were they saying? He was completely fine. 

Before he could tell what was happening he was being carried out of the bar and was sitting on the curb outside. Fuck, what was going on?

Everything was blurry, he felt nauseous and all he could focus on was this sharp pain in his side and the pounding headache that was plaguing him.

________________________

Anakin had no idea where he was, but he knew he didn’t feel good. He sat up and puked.

He felt a hand on his back and was about to protest when another wave of nausea hit- when would it end?

More shit happened in a blur and he eventually made it into an Uber and headed home. 

————-about two hours earlier—————

After he was thrown out of the bar downtown he was picked up by a group of frat boys who thought it would be cool to challenge a random drunk guy to a drinking contest.

In his inebriated state, Anakin went with the men (even though they basically had to carry him to the club they were going to). 

No one in their right mind would still allow Anakin to consume drinks, he was visibly not well and clearly needed to be cut off; but that wouldn’t be any fun for the frat.

They took him to a club where they frequented so the staff allowed them to do whatever the fuck they wanted. 

Anakin continued to drink and drink… and drink. 

Once he started puking again, one of the relatively kinder boys took time to ask his address and got him an uber home.

And that's where Anakin was now. 

He rested his forehead against the back window of the sedan and the driver drove quickly; he was probably worried that Anakin was going to yak in the back of his car. They arrived at Anakin’s apartment in decent time and the driver asked Anakin to leave. 

Anakin nodded and tried to get up but he couldn’t quite get his footing; the driver huffed and helped him out of the car. 

The driver helped Anakin into the house and saw some cash lying on the end table; sure, he helped Anakin inside but that didn’t mean this guy was a saint. 

Anakin leaned against the wall for support the driver swiped the cash and dashed out of the door. He had no clue what happened or what was going on, all he knew was that he felt awful and he needed to get to bed. 

He headed that way but he tripped over himself and landed on the floor with a thud.

A groan escaped him and his vision went black. 

***

a/n: more self destructive behavior… what’s new? lolll, srry the updates have been spaced out a bit, i’ve been doing a lot at work haha

taglist : @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote @poisonedsultana @imarimone12 @fallinlovewithevil

[thingsthatneedtobesaidsblog]

Now I don't really have a problem with the gender change. The problem is how some of the LGBTQ fans are acting towards people who are disappointed and angry about the change because their feelings are valid its not homophoic because nothing but Francesca being stunned by Michaela has happened further then that.

Now I very much enjoy Francesca and John and really would like to enjoy them. And idk if in the future I might be sold on the whole Francesca and Michaela thing because with some ships it just takes one scene, one fix and I'm sold but if I'm already so deeply invested in one paring for that person I'm sold on that one. But I'm sure it will grow on me, but for right now, Fran is still madly in love with John, but she was definitely stunned by his cousins beauty.

I also like to add that the fans who are being widely disrespectful to the fran x John and ppl who were expecting a Micheal and not a Michaela stop, you guys season will come but just let other people enjoy Fran and John and let the other people be disappointed there's nothing worng with that. Is the same feeling all the bridgerton book lovers get when something in the show is changed.

I have never read the books but have seen many sopliers. I definitely do want to see what the hell will happen especially considering that during that time period society was not kind to Queen ppl no matter the gender. Like even Benedict knows he can't be his true self because he would be shunned and him being a bridgerton would not save him. So I definitely want to see what will happen when we get to that part because it will be messy, they can't get married, they can't be seen in public being to affectionate, and they'll want to be seen together and do married couple things.

And at least one of them will stop being content with living in seceracy it always happens.

But honestly I wouldn't rule out the shonda coming in and bringing in a Micheal Sterling as Michaela twin brother considering how she was unsatisfied with what the new show runner did this season I definitely think she'll be more hands on and change stuff cuz that woman loves an interracial love story.

[utilitycaster]

Whoaaaa holy shit something just snapped into place reading you mention the concept of creating a shape of negative space bc i've been thinking so long abt the "unspoken things/quiet part" of characters. I've often had this feeling that fandom will go a million and nine yards to red string board an ocean of depth for their favorite blorbo over.... what comes down to what's technically extrapolating based off of xyz canon, but said canon will be like "this character fidgets once, half his dialogue is quoting an in-universe play he tries to recreate (by ruining ppl's lives), and he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't want to be called a monster, therefore he is AUTISTIC and that drives his logic," or "this character has xyz vague background and is TRAUMATIZED because of WAR" inventing an entire character and it's like. Oh boy. This might be a matter of not being invested enough in these characters to TRY and delve so "deep" but I keep thinking that none of this is actually. written or feels purposeful in the context of How Storytelling Works/the Narrative to MAKE me invest or think that it's worth doing so. I always wonder how many people are trying so hard to project a better story onto something without understanding that the story actually needs to BE THERE and ADDRESSED, even subtly, and token moments aren't enough. But then that gets me thinking about how Thereness needs to exist for something to be subtle but written as opposed to Conspiracy off loose projection.

I was kinda thinking abt Laudna and how to use her as an example, because she's one of those characters for whom like, yeah I as a person totally understand the cycle of being upbeat and normal and everything and then having a random spiral of Bad Upstairs before being normal again, but narratively how do you portray that and why does everyone do it so much better than her. With equal screentime, everyone feels like they have so much more meat to their motivations and psychology despite some being significantly less fraught backstory wise. What's happening here because things just feel like they come out of nowhere with her with "oh so that matters all of a sudden?"

Hi anon,

Yes to all of this! With regards to your first paragraph - I feel that a lot too. It's a tricky situation because I think it's completely valid to project things onto characters and imagine them to have specific qualities that either you have or simply that you wish to see in fiction. It only becomes difficult in a fandom sphere when people insist that this is a fully evidence-based endeavor and not a personal interpretation (especially because a lot of that evidence is, as you say, either very much open to interpretation, or else totally spurious. The number of times I've had to shoo people off my posts for talking extensively about how an immensely self-absorbed character who never thinks about others unless forced to clearly has ADHD...but I digress). And as for the conspiracy element, especially when works aren't as good - absolutely. If you haven't read this, which I reblogged a few weeks ago (has Good Omens 2 spoilers) I highly recommend you do because what you're saying resonates a lot with OP's post, both in terms of our need as fans to project or find similarities with characters, and the fact that when people are disappointed by a work sometimes they try to create a better one, but instead of just writing fanfiction and calling it fanfiction they go full conspiracy theorist and assume there's some secret twist, and fall so hard into that all-crumbs-no-schnitzel (to borrow a metaphor from that post) fanon echo chamber they forget it is, in fact, only fanon.

Which brings us to Laudna. Before I go deeper I want to cover three things. First: for me at least, this criticism comes because I know Marisha is capable of doing this negative space work. It didn't come up much with Keyleth since we kind of knew her whole deal very early (which, to be clear, is valid; not every character needs this), but it's present with both Beau (her relationship to her father is masterfully done; the hallmark of good negative space work is that when the reveal comes you say oh of course) and to a lesser extent Patia, who, like all the Calamity characters, conveys a story much greater than the one that unfolds over a single night. Second: I think part of why a number of us in the fandom are so frustrated is that we have been doing that work of generously interpreting Laudna since the beginning, but nothing ever sticks, so it's becoming less and less worth the effort.

I'd have to go back through my archives pretty extensively, but early on, the going expectation for Laudna was that she would explore the idea of being one of the bystanders in a larger story as someone killed simply because of a passing resemblance to someone the Briarwoods wished to send a message to; that we'd get insight into Whitestone during the occupation from someone who wasn't freed by Vox Machina but rather killed, indirectly, because of them. However, not only have we not gotten that, but she also was chosen for being special: Delilah chose her as a vessel because of her inherent sorcery. So then it was perhaps about that tension between finding power in her sorcery vs. warlock levels - Pâté seemed like a clear setup for Pact of the Chain, after all - but then Marisha admitted she had no intention of taking that third warlock level, and always just planned to play Laudna as exclusively leveling in sorcerer, until FCG attacked. And meanwhile, there's no exploration of those sorcery powers, either.

Speaking only for myself, I've been interrogating "hey, why is her backstory that she was chased out of everywhere but for the most part everyone is mostly fine with her?" and "in 30 years she did nothing about Delilah? Really?" for quite some time. There's a number of questions that are not just unanswered, but lack the hints that this negative space work would provide. And to be clear there are ways to explain those things! This meta does a good job of talking through why she may have been chased out, and I've floated, in the past, that even Delilah's unwelcome presence was better than the absolute silence of being truly alone. But the work to support these fandom theories, again, is not really being done at the table, and moreover, even if it starts being done...it's episode 70. It should have come up in some capacity.

Marisha said (to be clear, somewhat jokingly) in the 2022 ComicCon panel that "Yeah. I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired," re: Laudna but the thing is...honestly, in my opinion? A character with Laudna's premise requires far more work than Beau or Keyleth to do well. Not only is she tied into one of the most famous events and entwined with one of the most famous villains of Campaign 1, but she's got 50 years of backstory! Beau and Keyleth are in their early 20s! (I could make a whole other post about this but character intelligence does not equal how hard they are to play; Imogen is an immensely tough concept that Laura's doing a good job with and she's lower INT than Laudna. I'd rather play a wizard than a character like Grog any day of the week because I genuinely believe that the acting burden for making a character like Grog sympathetic and believable without going into cheap mockery and parody is immense).

Going back to that statement, it really does feel as though every 4-Sided Dive episode or panel, when Marisha talks about Laudna, it's always just that she was envisioned as being over her trauma, and the premise was always just "make that creepy girl from her nightmare". And even then: it's fine if she'd done that - simply made a creepy character who was here to be creepy and cheerfully macabre - but through gameplay it's become clear that Laudna is not over that trauma (her arrested development being one of many options), and has acquired new traumas to boot, and for that matter never was really over it given that she displays intensely but they come up so inconsistently that there's never any follow-through. I agree with you completely that the idea of her often seeming fine and happy and then having spirals is believable and true to life, but one does need to actually follow through on the spirals - I think a lot of us finally threw up our hands when Laudna's believable, well-played, and justifiable anger and resentment after being thrown across the world away from half the party, essentially pushed into a fight that isn't her own, being betrayed by Bor'Dor, and feeling Delilah's return melted away without resolution. If you want to make a character who's over their trauma and go-with-the-flow, I feel as though step 1 is to not have an eternal reminder of one's trauma permanently stuck in one's head. "Warlock who dislikes their patron" is actually a premise that requires quite a lot of thinking and effort, and we are consistently not seeing it.

I think what's most telling is that the defense of Laudna for the weird freakout this past episode is both vehement, and in conflict with itself. Is Marisha just making a joke (that didn't really land with anyone at the table nor much of the fandom, and was taken at least semi-seriously by both)? Or is it actually great and good that Laudna is incredibly traumatized and clingy and we should all hope she becomes even more clingy and codependent? When even the people who are shielding Laudna from even a whisper of criticism can't agree what Marisha's doing, it's pretty dire, especially when that criticism is "this character feels directionless and incoherent."

So getting back to negative space: It's my hunch that there just...wasn't a lot of clarity to Laudna's motivations, and the questions in her backstory weren't answered. She's creepy and she's kooky, Sun Tree corpse, Delilah in her head, met Imogen two years ago, was friends with a little girl at some point (which we only know from 4-Sided Dive, which is, to be clear, bad that it's never come up in-game). We don't know how she feels about her sorcery powers other than a vague enjoyment of their creepiness...but she also sees them as a way out from Delilah...but she also barely engages with Delilah and hasn't done anything to get rid of her. We have no sense of how she got to "the worst thing that's happened to me already happened" because while it's completely fair to play her as feeling that way 30 years later, I highly doubt she felt that way as she cut herself down from the Sun Tree. So as a result, it's hard to pick a direction because that foundation is lacking.

The thing about that negative space is that to do it well, you really need to know what you're trying to convey. Which is also why, as you say, characters with much simpler backstories are fine; Fearne was basically hanging out at her grandmother's place until EXU and her parents left when she was very young; she is curious about her parents and loves her grandmother and is a chaotic fey entity who was sent into the Material Plane with the Weave Lens, and mostly she just wants to explore and have fun and hang out with her friends. Ashley just needs to...play Fearne like that, which she does with aplomb. The complex setup for Laudna demands a huge number of answers in the backstory, and my guess is that Marisha does not have them. I think the problem isn't with the acting (in fact, I'm fairly confident it isn't, because, again, I know from past characters Marisha can do this); it's that Laudna's concept prioritized the aesthetic, mechanics, and facts of the backstory, and didn't adequately fill in her beliefs and motivations, so she's just flailing. I also suspect from the most recent 4-Sided Dive and the most recent SDCC panel that Marisha is specifically looking for interparty conflict, and to be clear that's valid...but again, to do that believably and well, Laudna's philosophy and motivations and characterization need to be much more clearly established than they are.

[everythingendsbutcomicsr4ever]

((This originally comes as my response to someone saying that ppl don’t like The Sun and The Star because it’s a middle school book and we were expecting the series to grow along with us.))

Valid point I keep finding BUT I recently read the PJO series again in preparation for TSATS and those books still slap!! They’re so good even tho I’m reading them as an adult even though they're meant for kids. (Also I recently read ToA because of course I’m gonna keep reading Rick’s middle school books until the day I die or they stop coming out lol. And that series while more goofy at points I still really liked) I also read one of Mark Oshiro's other books in prep for this book because I was excited for The Sun and Star to be released and I just COULD NOT get through it 😭 the writing was just giving me the ick and the characters where all kind of samie like that sassy talking wit. Which was a bummer because I liked the premise of the book “Anger is a Gift”, which was about underfunded schools mainly facing ppl of color and immigrants which leads to the school-to-prison pipeline because of the defunct way America funds public schools that keeps the poor poor and the rich getting richer & it was ACAB & had a lot of queer representation & etc. So I thought I’d really like it but I just couldn’t get through it because of the writing and I noticed this same writing style showing up in TSATS. Just because it’s for kids doesn’t excuse it from being bad. Like early Pixar and Studio Ghibli is still so good to watch back again and my 50+ yrs old parents like it. Book examples would be Harry Potter (screw JK Rowling tho fr) & the The Little Prince

Not to bash on ppl who say this is the main reason ppl don’t like the book but it feels like a straw man argument to say that the books not growing with us is the main reason ppl didnt like it. All tho I’m sure ppl have argued this but that is definitely their fault because Rick is staying in middle-grade fiction forever like that’s his thing! Why would ppl expect different 🤣 You think he wants to write a sex scene?! LMAO

(Here’s my review, it’s unhinged and not great because I should be doing productive stuff but am distracted until I can at least write down some of my thoughts on my disappointing experience)

Here are some things I didn’t like about it from a piece of art standpoint:

The pacing was bad

This book was filled with the first thing they teach you about writing which is: SHOW don’t TELL

It made me not ship Solangelo surprisingly like how??! I used to love Solangelo but I think this mainly is because of the collective consciousness of the fandom and because we wanted Nico to find happiness with someone. But if you really look back on their moments canonically from the books Will is a background character (who honestly kind of gaslights Nico by invalidating that ppl treated him differently as a son of Hades and that he didn't feel welcome at camp) and they kind of have a quick meet cute in the last book of The Last Olympian. They get together without us seeing their developing relationship and we now know they’re dating in The Trials of Apollo where we see them briefly in the first book and then more so in the last book. Honestly, this canonically alone doesn’t give me enough information or examples to really know or care about their relationship in comparison to Percy and Annabeth who we get to see develop. So TSATS just kind of felt hollow to me because I’m supposed to believe they’d die for each other but I DONT KNOW THE POWER OF THEIR LOVE?? This could just be a first love fling type thing like I was never shown the depth of their romance just told constantly in the book how much they love each other so it just felt kind of empty and emotionally unsatisfying to me.

Solangelo's relationship has always been in the background and the fans are what really made it cause we love Nico and want him to be happy. So when Will and Nico are fighting in this book all I can think is that this is just their relationship period.

So the reason it made me not like Solangelo was because Tarturus was supposed to bring out the worst in them and strain their relationship but, like, I haven’t really seen much of their relationship so I don’t have a “control group” to base this off of. So Will just seemed rude when he was so mean about Nico’s underworld home and about Nico's darkness which I also didn’t understand wtf he was talking about because Nico has killed just as many monsters as other campers and what else was his darknes based off of. cause he’s emo/goth?? Cause he can raise the dead?? Like guys we’ve discussed this just because a character wears black doesn't automatically make them the bad guy. I honestly thought Will just thought that was hot and they’d have that normie x alt relationship dynamic (that meme of: My hot witch wife. Me doing whatever she wants) I thought THAT was Solangelo not Will constantly trying to bring this light side to him and trying to change him. I agree that Nico needs help w his trauma and PTSD and things like that but this felt like if someone tried to “cure” a goth person, like actually screw you

I thought Will was supposed to look like a normie but be secretly a freak (in a good way lol) / goth interest. Cause this is meee I thought I was like Will as someone who looks like a normie and has a sunny disposition but I have a lot of alt/goth interests and I would let an alt girlie step all over me tbh lol. So does he like Nico for who he is or not?!

This is more in line w what I thought their relationship was like lol:

The flashbacks and forwards I thought were ok even if they took you out of the story a bit but this device is supposed to be used for an IMPORTANT event not just as a way to quickly give context to their relationship and when we got to the scene this was taking place in I was like that’s it?? He what? fell down and is suffering from sun withdrawals and this is the book's big moment to justify jarring flashback scenes?

Mark Oshiro is not a fantasy adventure or horror writer and it shows. Maybe it’s just me but their depiction of Tarturus and the nightmare and the journey were just not up to snuff with good horror and fantasy books I’ve read. (And if your gonna say something about how it’s for kids then I raise you the book series “Goosbumps”) So as a genre in itself, it was just disappointing. It was mainly a relationship guidebook book but I didn’t really like that or feel like it was done well, It felt lectury and also idk if that's the genre middle schoolers really like?? 😅

It had too many references which really dates a book, A lot of professional writers say not to use too much slang or modernreferences (unless you’re trying to make a book expressly about a time period) because it really dates a book and doesn’t make a story feel timeless for future generations if you use too many references (this doesn’t include political novels tho which are very much based in that time when the events happening) Anyways for future writers keep this in mind, you don't need to keep in touch with the youth through urban dictionary you can just write about the emotions of being young or whatever. If you’ve tried to read a comic book aimed at teens from the 50s like I have you’ll realise how funny that is.

(Also the carebear reference that I didn’t even understand and I watched carebear as a kid & Lil Nas video which if this was written for kids that music video feels a bit inappropriate for them 😂 it had a reference both too old and too young for middle schoolers AND how in the world would 1930s born, dropped out of elementary school, can’t use the internet or phones half blood, NICO DI ANGELO know these references???)

The writings giving:

Bad alt representation. (This is my most out-of-pocket opinionated bullet point rant so if you don't agree that’s a-okay :D ) This could be a whole post in itself but although I know ppl joke about Nico as the Emo kid I would really like to get into how Nico is actually, or it would be cool, as having some goth subculture inclinations. And ppl probably think of Trad Goths with the whole makeup and teased hair look but it’s mainly a music-based subculture and/or it just has a different idealogy around the ideas of death and what is deemed beautiful while most ppl see it as ugly. (Like listen to “Gallows Dance” or the Bauhaus's “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” & “The Passion of Lovers”, to name songs off the top of my head) This bullet point is definitely MY OPINION and doesn’t contribute exactly to the book being bad but aren’t those songs the vibe of an underworld kid like Nico?? Embracing the darkness and dancing in graveyard vibes fr!! Anyways most alt subcultures and especially emo are seen as a phase in life that you grow out of and then become normal. This book just really gives the energy of being written by a normie who would be confused by the choices of alt ppl and just doesn’t get it because it’s not their personal interest, which isn’t exactly bad even tho I want more philosophy from Nico on the chillness and acceptance of death (all tho greek mythologies view on the afterlife sucks fr and THAT is a whole other post haha) So this isn’t exactly a problem BUT what gives me the ick is WILL NOT ACCEPTING THESE THINGS LIKE SIR STOP BASHING YOUR BOYFRIENDS LIFE!! Will asking Persephonee, “How do you love someone from the underworld” SHUT UP!! 😤

Will was useless and I know what they were trying to go for but if I had a girlfriend (oh I’m a lesbian btw just in case ppl think I’m going harder on this book more than the other books because I’m homophobic bruh I swear I’m not I’m only disappointed in the art itself, NOT the representation which I actually liked) and if I was super good at fighting and they weren’t, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t take them BECAUSE of my love for them. If they were going to be useless on a mission of such life-threatening danger and importance I WOULD NOT TAKE THEM OUT OF KINDNESS. Like skills in medicine and art and music are great and there’s of course nothing wrong w not being a badass fighter (lmao this is me and most readers) but then DONT GO TO SUPER HELL!!! Especially if you have something that makes you more pathetic than being a normal human in Tarturus, his suffering from no sunlight is out of pocket and just makes the story draggg and makes him seem boring and the story more boring. I know they were trying to go for a fish out of water storyline and roll reversal but I think it wasn’t done well enough and overall hurt the story

Also, I’ve heard ppl talk about how it would have been nice to have a book focus on their relationship while at Camp Half-Blood. Like maybe it takes place pre Jason's death and we can just see them living at camp. It’d be chill and we can actually see them as a couple & It would give the energy of readers wanting to go to camp half-blood again like how everyone wanted to go to Hogwarts. Cause we haven’t seen the camp as a fun home since the very early PJO books ;-; (this is just a fun idea I like and I think would have been more manageable for an author but this is FR my opinion on a fun book idea i’d like to read) ALSO this would have been so nostalgic for the older readers who have been here since middle school gobbling up this universe 😌

I know ppl get mad at ppl making fun of Will for being pathetic in tarturous. As saying he’s a child and no one can be happy and sunny and doing well 24/7 which is valid but that’s not really my argument. I like watching characters put in situations where we watch them bend against what we thought they were when put in a hard situation (the masochist in me lol jkjjk). But this I think didn’t work for me because as I’ve said before he’s mainly a background character at the end of one book thrown together with Nico and we as a fandom have mainly made him up. Also, Tarturus was just not as scary or adventure-filled as like any of the other missions from previous PJO books, It didn’t feel as trauma-inducing as everyone in the series tried to explain it as. (again show not tell from the book) Also, I would have liked to have seen Will cool at least once or one reason for me to like him with Nico but I saw him as pretty bland as a character

The writing style felt bad to me because of the show don’t tell part for example telling as “it made him sad and traumatized” when showing would be, you know, actually showing the scenes and this book just felt like 80% telling what they were feeling instead of letting the reader feel the emotions of the scene for themselves

I think that’s another thing I really didn’t like related to the Show Don't Tell. And another hallmark of bad writing was this book was really telling the audience how to feel instead of allowing the story to be powerful enough to do that for itself. This book follows a trend I’ve seen a lot in TV shows where everything kind of feels like detached irony from being on Twitter where you hear everyone’s opinions so the story is written as a wink and a nod like we know what we’re doing and we know what your thinking and how twitter will react to it. Like it’s hard to describe this trend I’ve mainly seen in TV shows and movies recently which always gives me the ick cause it doesn’t feel funny it feels like I’m in a response piece that is breaking the fourth wall and reminds me that I’m in reality watching or reading something instead of actually feeling like I’m in the story. It’s like pseudo-wittiness or something. Tell me if you guys feel this way about some modern tv shows or books, I can't be alone please 😭!!

The stupid toast scene at the end lol The book is like: Do you get it? Did you get it?? They’re opposites! And they attract!! We did the trope you guys!! Also, the stupid Darth Vader scene to start off the book 💀

This whole book made me cringe where I had to constantly get up walk around and lie on the floor before I could continue, only to constantly repeat the cycle 😅

Anyway, idk how to end this review/rant I just had such strong emotions I had to get out probably because I was so excited for this book to come out for like over a year and got back into PJO for a bit and read some of Mark Oshiro’s books and greek mythology and stuff, so I think it wasn’t just me reading any random bad book it disappointed me more that it was poor quality because I wanted to love it so much.

It did have some actually good parts, the troglodytes were cute … I can’t remember the other stuff but it was there I swear lol! If you enjoyed it I’m happy for you! Don’t let me ruin a book you like, you deserve to feel joy 😘💐

[eah-confessions]

Way Too Wonderland (WTW) was literally disappointing, from a writer's perspective. Like... they literally went back on the integral aspect that drove the ENTIRE show, aka the storybook of legends and the concept of destiny and how that impacts the kids and the entirety of their society. Wish, wish, wish we saw more about that aspect. I feel like it was a cop out to make it so that the Storybook of Legends was no longer in the picture, but there should've been consequences to that. I know the whole entire point was to talk about how you could steal another person's story and stuff, so you need to make sure the pages go to their respective owners. However, I think they really could've made a cool story about the agency the characters have in terms of their stories. I mean, there's still the fact ppl are perfectly willing to play someone else's role, whilst the other doesn't consent to it. However, the book still plays an integral role in saying how messed up the system is and destroying the book right then and there ruined something. I am not saying the book shouldn't have been sent to the other characters at all, I'm saying it should've happened later in the story. Also, I wished we got to explore Wonderland more, instead of the school stuff. That was literally so... no, just no.

I mean that is a valid perspective. I can honestly see that and I wish that they made the show not to promote dolls, but to actually like tell a story that like made sense and we could explore all the plot holes n stuff.

[cinamun]

With alllll respect, I didn't see anyone say Jay wasn't invalid in his feelings! Simply ppl off put by dismissing his wife who's clearly overwhelmed and struggling. Let's remember, this is all bc he was fixated (and tbh to a wild amount) on a student who could play something he's passionate Abt. Yes clearly something is going on lore wise but looking at it through both Hopes eyes and the student, I'd be pretty damn upset. Hope only recently learned Abt this student. She's focused on her babies. She's overwhelmed. She's also tried. She's needs help and her man comes one and ignores her asking for help, says not now and ignored her yelling, especially when ur a healthy relationship that can communicate, id be p upset too! The student is just tryna get through school and it's not helping her pay her childcare and her teacher is being a little too close for comfort asking about her family history. Jay is valid in his distraught but I think it's valid for ppl to not rlly vibe with in ignoring his wife AND kids. He's the one who decided to seek it out answers.

I think this is one of those situations where two things can be true.

Jay lost his dad at a very young age, had no other known family and may now know something that completely shakes him to his core.

It's ok to be disappointed in his response to his wife and it's ok to understand why he responded the way he did.

I don't know about you, but I would decide to seek out answers too, especially about something I'm passionate about.

[mizuruifan9]

Okay weird question but are you alterhuman? You’re giving vibes of it so I wanted to know?

I am questioning it. I might be a cat or fictionkin, but I feel like my feelings aren't really... enough? Like most alterhumans i've seen on the Internet feel like the thing/creature in different ways, and they own a fursuit/similar, etc etc, and my feelings and wishes only fit into a few of those boxes which is why I'm not really sure because I feel like other people will think it's not enough to call myself one.

So yeah! I might be alterhuman. Might not be.

I think I'm a cat

Can you identify as multiple things at the same time? Is that valid and okay?

I feel like I also am a rui kamishiro fictionkin.

Wait do fictionkins even count as alterhuman?

Maybe I'm just a furry.

also speaking of furries I love furry art so much

I do want a fursuit but 1. My big sisters would be disappointed and 2. Expensive...

I also tried to avoid thinking about my feelings related to being human/nonhuman for a long time cause most of the ppl I know always frowned upon the subject of alterhumanity and feeling like you're not a human which is why I've only actually started thinking about my relationship with what I am recently which really sucks.

thinking is so hard and confusing I hate having emotions and feelings why can't everything just be clear and straightforward

[yakultii]

Who was the last person you felt comfortable around? What was it about them?

P.s. would they also be on tumblr

honestly I feel comfortable around a lot of people bc I don’t rlly feel shame in who I am or what I struggle with depending on other people (I only rlly feel shame bc ive immensely disappointed myself, which is the main reason I tend to isolate bc don’t rlly feel deserving of good things(even if I know I am), not to say I haven’t been lucky enough to come across many people who accept me regardless cos I have) but my ex was probably the first and final person I’ll ever be wholly transparent with (not in a communicative kind of way bc im almost always honest then, I just mean in the sense of telling someone almost every little detail of what goes on it my mind cause really no one needs to know that, it was never meant to be told, it helps no one + even when im barely saying anything at all ppl think im oversharing anyways (which has caused problems itself w ppl thinking we’re closer than we are in my mind) .. and when I do, ppl always think they know what they’re in for and no one really does which is valid). In saying that I’ve obvs felt uncomfortable around a lot of ppl too. I think the people I’m most comfortable around have usually struggled with something themselves and developed a deeper level of empathy from it while also realising life isn’t that serious, good humour & no ulterior motives.

as for tumblr ppl, I mean sure I’ll yap to y’all all day haha but I’d probably never really know unless I met y’all in person & I just be saying things on here that I would feel comfortable telling strangers (yeh I’m kinda insane to strangers) not to say y’all are total strangers but at the end of the day I couldn’t identify most of y’all in a crowd lmao. I still think ur really cool and love and appreciate u lots <33

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

the way the anti-hero prophecy is coming true and even the most loyal gaylors are now leaving cuz theyre tired of her scheming..shes alienating the ppl that actually see and understand her the most

I don't think it's a prophecy so much as a fear of hers... but yeah, a lot of people are frustrated and I can understand those feelings. If you've not been around pre-2016 (as a gaylor) this is the first time for many on this ever rotating carrousel of public beards and it's tough for some people to watch.

But let me tell you (as someone who has been a fan and casual gaylor since 2013) we've just been spoiled with this stable situation she was in for the last 6 years where she had this unproblematic English guy we barely ever saw, the now situation is much more common in the playbook of bearding relationships and was pretty much standard for Taylor pre-2016. And being single also did her no favours, the media and fans will always speculate who she's dating unless she's in a confirmed stable relationship. I think the whole Kim and Kanye situation and reputation for fast-changing boyfriends required a different approach and that's where Joe came in. I don't think she was aware that it would be this spectacle again when she wrote Anti Hero, it's just the general awareness that it's no fun to be a gaylor most of the time because she's no hero. I'm not sure if it's comforting or frustrating that she fully acknowledges she's the problem, yet continues to do the same things over and over again...

You've got to be in it for the fun bits rather than the gut punches, because those are guaranteed to happen. And don't feel stupid for feeling beat down by her actions, take a step back if needed, it's valid to see someone and hope they live their truth one day and then be disappointed when they continue to deny that truth and cater to those that don't deserve it. I always think we'll be the lucky ones if she's ever ready to let the world in on her secret, but if not, it'll just stay a wink-and-a-nod game between us. And it's ok if that's not your thing.