#i think maybe today is just a bad day lmao
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I'm sick rn too and all I want is Korean army soup and orange juice
(fr tho I make the best soup)
side note why do koreans love those plastic slices of cheese so much. do they know there is this thing called cheddar (if you make me a Chinese chicken noodle soup you will gain my eternal loyalty)
#sophie speaks#sophie answers#moots#cyb3rd0g#orange juice... hurt#i am so weak man why does orange juice cause me poison damage what the hell#also maybe its just because i woke up but the idea of Korean army soup rn is ALSO painful#i think maybe today is just a bad day lmao#my dad bought some of the rare fresh pizza bases for me and like. thank you i appreciate it if you serve me a pizza right now you will see-#a human doing the best impression of a sea turtle#i need to stop complaining but even my wrists against my desk hurt today like OWWWWWWWWW
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going through all the stages of grief today lmao!! whatever im gonna play video game now!!
#im very very very nervous i feel like my stomach is about to fly out of my mouth#oh my god lollllllllllll#what will i do if he wins LMAO!! i have a 4 year old daughter lol she can’t grow up in this bull shit!!!!!#i gotta get out of here LMAO!!!!!!!!#im gonna be sick#i took the day off knowing i would be useless today also off tomorrow#help!! also i think my period is coming which is. amazing timing lol i am already on the brink of death#why not!! haha!! sure why not!!!!!!#i need to read thanzag IMMEDIATELY I need to be healed#this is so bad……#im scared oh god….#i hate how little control we have over our own lives#here we are on the brink of maybe our last election lol like no exaggeration do you think if they win they will let us vote again#im just glad I don’t live near dc anymore it was scary last time#omg…#I think I will be offline today if you see posts it’s just the queue
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it’s 1.18 am and i can’t sleep bc there’s a thunderstorm and i’m scared of them like a big loser so. don’t hold me accountable for my thoughts and feelings but
#i was just thinking about my day today and how i wrote in the tags after my nap i wanted to maybe go to ikea and so i presented my roommate#with the idea and she said yes ofc i was thinking of doing something too! and so we went to ikea and we got there and they have stairs and#escalators there and she was like ‘what type of day is it?’ nodding at the escalator and i know she prefers the stairs#and i have better and worse days in terms of how much i can do physically before getting winded/dizzy and i haven’t told her it’s been all#bad days lately LMAO bc ahhh i hate worrying people and i have ANOTHER cardiologist appointment next week anyway so no harm done but#the fact that she asks and then goes with me. it catches me so off guard still it’s truly something wondrous to be taken into account#i was really used to being overlooked not among peers but in my everyday family/at home life#and i still can’t believe how easy it feels for her (and my other friends) to take me into account and to just. idk. love me i guess?#i always think i’m impossible to care about on a true level beyond the surface let alone be loved#what a ride life is
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that unfortunate occasion when you're kind of sick and you want to write, but words don't work
#i can think of a story and then the moment i want to write it down my brain just goes nope. not doing that lol enjoy sitting around#it's my last day off work too oof#really wanted to edit a fic today#or maybe write some angst for blanche that i've been thinking of ever since @the-eclectic-wonderer made a blanche post#(thanks for that if you're reading this lmao i have NOT stopped thinking about her!!)#OR edit *another* fic i've been putting off finishing#too bad i guess :')#also very random but somehow i've been beginning to feel like joining twitter again. for precisely this reason#(the reason being the recent need to share every other thought that pops up in my head lmao)#alys.txt
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anyway do u think deadpool and wolverine is on streaming yet i need to find that on a totally legal website soon
as of saturday night IT IS NOT !!! which sucks and they lied
i know it is on the totally legal website soaper.tv or whatever its called ;)
ok coming back to here after writing all the tags thirty tag limit?? that is wild to me i didnt know that existed
#was like surely it is streaming they said beginning of october#so made plans to watch it w two friends#AND IT WASNT#but we still watched it bc we are not quitters 😤#i doubt it has changed in two days#but idk bc i dont have disney plus or prime#loved the rewatch bc i got to notice a bunch of little details#could not tell you what they were now#except wolverine’s brown and yellow suit#which didnt especially stand out to me before bc i had not read any of the comics yet#also just the. when wolverine is like ‘no actually the silence is worse i need to be able to remember’#BC THAT IS LOWKEY SUCH A PLOTPOINT IN ONE OF THE COMIC ARCS IM READING#krakoa and realiving cannot remember the word for that for the life of me#but then when you get RESSURECTED THATS WHAT IT IS i think maybe traumatic stuff becomes less traumatic#and domino is like. i can never die now bc i need this trauma to stay with me since it is such a part of who i am#but then she dies and wolverine is like ‘hey just making sure youre ok with how you are now’#bc he knew (firsthand) how important memory was#and that forgetting the past is often worse than dealing with the pain#and then the tva agent going ‘we cant fix his world bc thats how he became who he is today’ (her wording was perhaps not great but whatevs)#which was ALSO a thing in wtnv recently lmao??#landfill that you cant put tangible objects in#and only memories you want to forget#and then they had a winter… anti-spring cleaning… sale?#where you could take back one memory#and basically it went: person who got rid of every single bad memory now finds the tiniest things (like snow) horrible and scary#and life ruining. so they pick the worst memory to get back#anyway also something something immortality is a curse#ask#pen and ink#sunsetstarving
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#.... seeing him monday NDNDNDJJDJFFJJF#personal#with other ppl but still !!!!!!!!#n ive been like. twisting everything in my mind like oh you know maybe he liked someone else n not me. but#theyre not even in the country. and he had previously told me he didnt wanna see any of them again#and so. the logical conclusion is that. hes going. for me NDJJDJDJDJZJZM#I JUST. UNLESS HE REALLY LIKES SUSHI??????#idk im freaking out. ive never got this far. im just NDJJDJDJDJDJD#the past few days..... tellin me his job news.... confiding in me.... now goin to a dinner with ppl he doesnt like.... to see me....#i cant handle it NFJDJJDJDJDJDJDMX#like god this is so weird. i never thought this would happen to me im just NDJJZJZJZJZJDJZJ#hes so cute.....#i hope we get to sit near each other at the dinner NNDNZMZMZMSM#im not gonna overly try. and like with his bad luck JDJDDJMDDJSJSJ idk idk lmao#but...... GOD. he was just some guy with a seagull icon and a name on zoom.... then like he was just some guy that sat near me#then just like a guy i talked to sometimes and now we're friends and i JUST....????? MAYBE GONNA BE MORE???? ITS SO WEIRD. IDK. IDK#i cant believe we're this close. im literally NJDJDJFJXJMXMMM#HHHHHH#i like. ... i also looked at job stuff today. bc u know. i could actually FOCUS. bc i wasnt like. sherlock holmsing whether he liked me or#not bc i think its pretty clear at this point. im just NDJJDJZJZJJZJZJZMSMSMSMSMMZMZ IDK. IDK. ITS SO WEIRD.#I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME#AND WITH HIM???? SO WEIRD. IDK JDNDJJDJDJDJXJ I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED IM JUST. YA. GONNA TRY TO STAY CALM.
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I’ve still got stuff in my queue but imma come back today lmao
#🧚🏽♀️ — luxe chit chat#hiiiii#ik i didn’t officially say I was gonna leave for a lil bit but I’m back now lmao#feeling a bit better so :3#the life stuff that was getting me down isn’t as bad thankfully!!#also I got a new laptop 😳#literally just finished my new PC set up and then Kay offered to get me a laptop LOL#so I think I’ll be more motivated to finish some WIPs!#ive been drawing a bit more too so wheeeee#feeling pretty okay! hope it lasts LOL#Kay has work today so he’ll be leaving this afternoon#so think I might have a duvet day and work on some requests or the bllk fic I was doing maybe#ANYWAY sorry for rambling LOL I’ve missed u all hope ur all doing well!#ive got a few asks to answer too so I will do that later hehe
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are you the most annoying person in the world or do you just need to eat something: a memoir by me
#i feel like absolute shit rn fsdjkl#i think i talked too much today even though i barely spoke at all#but every time i talked someone else had smth to say and then the leader guy had to keep coming back to me like ''what were u saying?''#which was rly nice of him but like. if i just kept my mouth shut then he wouldnt have had to do that at all fdjskl#i mean like. he did ask me questions directly a few times. so he was trying to help me have opportunities to speak#but fsjkl i just. i feel bad for talking bc i know everyone else wants to talk constantly#and i can do without speaking fsdjkl i just... i kept stumbling over my words so badly and it was rly embarrassing ;-;#but i'd get nervous and panicked bc i knew i'd be interrupted at any second so i was just trying to find the shortest way to say my thing#but then i'd trip over my words bc i was so nervous and it'd take too long#and i just felt like i wasn't putting enough effort into my tone so i probably sounded rly flat today and i just. urgghhh#holding my head and tugging at my hair. why can't i just be normal dgjkl why am i so fucking annoying and weird and difficult#i dont know 😭 today was rly difficult bc i was just feeling kind of awful and like i was in the way all day#i did find some yarn colours i need at a flea market though and also some dip pens that i've always wanted to try#i figure $3 is a steal of a deal to try out dip pens instead of buying them brand new for like $30 fdsjkl#so there was something good from today! i just feel like i was annoying to be around all day idk fdsjkl#i honestly probably was totally fine sdfjkl i just. argh#and i hate going to stores w the centre bc i end up following the group leader around after a while bc i dont ever buy anything#i look around at the stuff i like to look at and then i am done and don't want to be a nuisance by being hard to find when everyone-#-else is done so i just figure sticking by the group leader is the best idea. stores dont like when i hang around the front for long fdsjkl#but then i just feel like a weird little kid trailing after their parent 😭 i wish i could just be an AdultTM but augh augh augh#what a fucking weird thing for me to do dsfjkl i just. dont know what else to do bc stores get annoyed w me if i wait at the front#and i dont want to wait outside bc then they'll forget im out there and look for me inside when theyre done LMAO#if i had income then maybe i'd be able to spend longer looking at things but fdsjkl theres only so much looking u can do when u dont buy#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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I know there's a voice message waiting for me on Instagram and I somewhat know the contents
but
I know for sure if I listen to it now I will literally explode
#i know it's just the singer asking if i was at work today. because he told me himself when he visited me that he sent a message#but simply knowing he took the time to ask if i was at work to drop by and say hi? KILLING ME SOFTLY#people. thinking of me. caring for me. wanting to see me. I DIE OKAY#anyway maybe in a couple days i'll listen to it.....#i'm already weird about voice messages aughhh these circumstances just make it more nerve-wracking lmao#i'm so bad at social interactions and building interpersonal relationships lol loterally stumbling around in the dark#and it's so scary my heart is beating up my throat just thinking about it help
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feeling sad :(
#sorry this is such a dumb thing to be sad about im a grown ass adult but like two thirds of the people i invited to my birthday#either cant come or said they would then bailed and like#some of them have legit reasons but some of them i'm kind of like :/ ok well i put in so much effort for yall would be really nice#if a crumb of that was reciprocated#idk i dont ask for much on my birthday i just want to have a nice dinner with my friends#and i have friends who like throw the biggest tantrum fusses about their birthdays and make it this entire spectacle#and people still humour them so it's kind of like#idk#do i really suck that bad that you cant make a saturday evening work to like eat good food#idk maybe next year i just wont plan anything#and everyone'll be like BUT SIMA IT'S THE BIG ONE and i'll be like well! i wish it werent!#bc it'll suck even more to have people not come lmao i dont actually think i've ever had a milestone birthday people just dont give a shit#this includes my parents idk like they are nice to me on my birthday but like no birthday was ever like hashtag special#and like the holidays already sucked so bad this year they did not feel like the holidays half the people i got presents for#didnt get me anything which is like fine i dont give presents to get them back but it kind of sucks to not even get a card? a thank you???#idk this is so stupid i am turning 29 i pay taxes this should not be a big deal#maybe it's bc i feel like half my 20s were pandemic years so it kind of sucks that theyre basically over and idk im just feeling sad and ol#and lonely and just kind of shitty and unlikeable#AND IT'S DUMBBBBB TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST IDK WHY I'M CRYING FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE
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not my first reaction to this information as i learned it during the intermission of challengers (yes i finally went to see it) and i was having a lowkey breakdown through the intermission and the beginning of the second half a little bit but ummm: well of fucking course i literally dont deserve anything
#why did i even try this hard. i dont think i deserve anything tbh#dont mind me sounding dramatic im actually fine like lol#im sad but ok but also like. i got used to being a failure and a disappointment this last year so#i feel very tired now. it wasnt a bad day overall and im happy i decided against going alone today#bc i wouldve literally ended up crying in public if i was alone lmfao#ah. ahhhhh :/ i really really really was hoping for a better outcome#stupid girl as always#anyway i really am fine i just need to be dramatic for a moment. i truly do not deserve anything i get ever im sorry#if anyone read until this point and wondering what the fuck couldve happened that got me like this#well it's truly not that important in the grand scheme of things and im being stupid#got wait listed for another scholarship lmao </3#truly stupid and foolish of me to even think from the start that i could do this lmao#what's even more stupid is im still like well. well 🤠 hey maybe 🤗#i just know im going to be feeling extremely guilty for even existing even if i end up being able to go at this point lmao#and it's so stupid to even write all this. over something like this when people have real problems and stuff lmao#truly what did i think make me worthy of this chance im so not special and dont deserve this etc etc#all this negative self talk and i will still be sleeping like 😴😴😴 still hoping for the best dont worry#and that's because im stupid#🗒#i will drink tea this day has been lacking tea so critically :/
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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ANOTHER ONE
#my art#dnd oc#friend oc#kairos#getting lots of practice drawing fucked up FREAKS (affectionate) recently#also yes this lovely lady is from the same campaign as bell (zombie boy posted yesterday) and osiris lol#can you tell there's a sort of. death and undeath theme in that campaign#also i did thankfully have some feedback on this one since it's evie's character!! so hopefully somewhat more accurate lol#not entirely pleased with her face for some reason but i still like it#i am reminded of that one graph that shows talent and perception? yknow the one?#where as you grow more skilled there's a point where your perception of your art matches how good it really is#but then your skill doesn't necessarily grow with your perception of it so you start thinking your art is bad again#or that you're getting worse but it's still better than your previous art you're still getting better#idk i think that may be what's going on here lmao#i know this is decent and its much better than anything i was making even just a few months ago#but its still weird in my brain lol#or maybe im not too happy with it because i didnt spend a ton of time on it like i usually do on things like this?#this one took me like. 1 day total from sketch to finished product?#gathered reference images and started the sketch late monday night#did almost the whole thing yesterday and just added finishing touches today#so maybe i just didnt put enough effort into it idk#also also this is my 11th finished piece of the year#which is significant because in the ENTIRETY of last year i only made 11 finished digital art pieces LMAOOO#so in a month and a half i have done what i did in all of 2023 B)#a bit worried that im gonna burn out soon and not make art for a long time again but im feeling fine so far#other than the aforementioned slight displeasure with what im making now#hoping i can continue making good art all year!! or at least having fun making it even if it isn't good lmao
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...
#feelin weird. feelin real weird. in a bad way? no i guess not but more like im a haha wtf is happening here?#like i should maybe track my mood just so i can be like wtf is this? more bc i think its interesting#bc like i mean im spending ~11hrs in the lab and the stress has been real high and ive not been sleeping well#but like currently? i feel like i wanna run a mile. like i wanna run around in circles and scream and laugh until i cry#too much energy. too much energy. but y? where is it coming from? its weird#its like the edge of a headache. the cusp of turning. it doesn't quite feel bad yet but like i woke up at 4#and was insane until 6 when i had to get up and then i was in the lab all day until 6.30#and immediately i went for a run like empty stomach. i need to run now. and i still feel like that. like i need to run and run and run#but like y am i not exhausted? im not even tired? im vibrating#i watched the new successi0n episode twice and im losing my mind abt it#so its weird and i dont understand. but its not bad. it feels out of control like it feels fucked up but im not being like irradic#like if i was standing beside someone i dont think theyd notice. except maybe my sister bc i think if i talked id be noticeable#energetic. idk maybe im just exhausted and brain is pumping me with stress hormones so i csnt stop but i also csnt feel it#but i suspect its something to do with estrogen and progesterone levels changing which isnt great bc ive got a cycle that borders being#concerningly short but like idk rn its fun. im sure itll break and ill split apart but rn everything feels hilarious#its also weird bc im always like: y do i have so much energy after i dont sleep? is not sleeping thr answer. and today i was like hm#maybe i cant sleep bc i have too much energy. hm. idk its not bad. it doesn't feel bad#it just feels interesting and notable so im noting it. weird stuff. hopefully it pulls me thru tomorrow#bc my back fucking hurts lmao and its monday so ppl r back in the lab as i stand around for 11 hours#unrelated
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opens this app, feels isolated, closes it
#leah.txt#i’m going to try scroll for a bit and reblog things but idk being on here is bad lately. i’m very grateful for replies on last post ily guys#a lot but yeah idk i think it’s just i’ve noticed certain people’s behaviour towards me has seemed to change and that makes me paranoid#i guess? or just that i don’t belong again? idk things are weird for me these past two months and having SIX people fuck with me is#ridiculous. actually ridiculous. and unprovoked too is so… ben affleck smoking.jpg#not sure what i’ve done but oh well <3 had a feeling me taking a break would maybe cause some moots on here to just like idk distance from#me but what can you do. cant please everyone. just wanna make friends and consider my moots as such but guess others don’t lmao#edit: said i was gonna scroll but i’m going to bed :) maybe that will fix me :)#panic attack today was bad so idk need a new day. i’ll try write but i’ve been saying that everyday for the past two months and i just can’t#do words rn
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i'm having one hell of a week (today and yesterday really compounded it 10 fold).
#coral yaps#delete later#2023#too many convos#most of which i am just CHEESE GRATERING my brain#i also had god awful allergies today and it gave me a congestion induced massive headache#im just not going to talk to anyone if i don't have to for like a week lmao i'm going to kill someone if i do#if anyone sees this and thinks this is about them. i promise you it's not. it's primarily irl and talking to way too many damn people and#getting really bad social anxiety.#maybe i'll go make myself some tasty instant ramen tomorrow as a treat#and then animate and draw gabe and play ultrakill <3#maybe go watch more fancams <3#self-care is taking a day off from people to calm down my drained anxiety induced brain and go look at my favorite guys
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