#i think its probably bc im more interested in the outcome and what happens after than the race itself

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 745: At the window seat

Pag 1

1: The last

2 / 3: 200m!!

Pag 2

1: 150m!!

2: Sugimoto is still ahead!! Danchiku is behind!!

6: There are

Pag 3

1: 100m left!!

Pag 4

1: Issa.... are you watching, Issa

2: I've always been timid

3: I always pushed your back with all my strength

4: And then watched you being all frolic

5: I was satisfied

Hahaha!

Piece of cake!

Pag 5

1: When I was little, during school trips, on the bus

2: I won the window sit

I got it!!

3: I enjoyed looking at how the scenery changed outside the window

Oh, there are cows!!

4: The window seat is super nice!

But I was pushed by my friend

Neh, Danchiku, let's swap seats! Come on, Danchiku

6: Okay

Thanks!!

I gave up my seat

7: In the end

Amazing! What's that tower?

8: our seats stayed like the whole time

9: People also often cut the line in front of me

Sorry, Danchiku!

No, but the line....

Ah, you're so nice, Danchiku, so nice!!

Pag 6

1: After that, the girls scolded me, too

You're too nice, Danchiku!

Yes, yes

Well....

At times like that, you need to flat-out reject them!

Yeah, you're a guy after all

Yeah... you're right... indeed....

2: It bothers us, you know

Is it... my fault...?

3: Is it me....

4: I also yielded with bicycles

Move, slowpoke!!

5: “Move”.....

Ye... yes

Pag 7

1: If you don't want to win, then don't run in races!!

3: Riding was fun, so I started running with bikes, but

4: Indeed....

Want to win.... huh

5: I'm nervous....

I was even late for the start the other day

And I couldn't move forward.....

6: I guess I'll cancel my entry on the next race, then....

I thought I should stop

Pag 8

1: Oi, you

2: At that time....

Ah- ah

My bad....

3: I was thinking while walking... and since the street is narrow

You want me to give way!?

4: Even though I was just walking on the side of the road

5: No

6: You don't have to give up anything

Pag 9

1: Huh

2: You said “my bad”, but you're not at fault

3: I heard there's a guy who goes to the same school as me and who ride bicycles

A guy who runs seriously and practices properly!!

4: I'm looking for that guy

Looking for....

5: He called out to me so self-importantly

Pag 10

1: That guy was Kaburagi Issa!!

Team up with me, and let's become the best in Japan!!

2: The strongest local club team here is called “Team SS”

First, let's join it and train!!

Pag 11

1: That guy was saying things that made no sense, but he had said the two things I wanted to hear the most at that time

2: “You don't have to give up anything”....

“You're not at fault”......

3: So, too suddenly and without really understanding, I said yes

Huh.... yes

Alright, it's decided

4: Danchiku!? It's an unusual name, and that's important!!

It's important?

'cause it sounds kinda cool!!

Huh

5: I still think it wasn't a mistake

What a weird guy....

6: Because Issa never stole my window seat

7: And didn't cut the line in front of me

Waa Danchiku, I'm so behind you!

Haha

Lucky you, dammit

Pag 12

1: And with an overwhelming accuracy, he gave me instructions to move forward!!

Here, Danchiku, move forward!!

Yeah!!

Pag 13

1: It's SS!!

Kaburagi from SS is jumping forward!!

Danchiku is pulling him, that's bad!!

2: Let's win this race!!

Yeah!!

5: That's why I always dreamed of making you “frolic”

Hahaha

6: I pulled you, and you took the finish line

7: That was enough for me

Pag 14

1: But then, after he joined Sohoku, Issa started to say those things

2: Now!! You're next!! Get stronger!!

3: I had no confidence

….. yeah

I wasn't selected for the Inter High during our first year

4: And even when I was chosen for the “Minegayama” race during fall

5: Don't worry, you can win

6: Even though Issa cheered for me, I doubted myself

Yeah

7: Practiced hard, I ran on Minegayama, and somehow I won

Pag 15

1: But right after that, my condition got bad

3: As expected..... right....

Alone, I convinced myself I didn't have what it takes

4: I didn't rely on my heart

It was probably small enough to fit in the palm of my hand

5: I read so many books, trying to make it bigger

Pag 16

1: You can do it, don't worry, you have me with you

I can't wait for the Inter High...!!

You're making so many grains of rice fly around

2: Hahaha

3: When the training camp started, Touji-san gave me a new bike

4: And I became your buddy

5: There's something I noticed

Let's make a special technique

You can do it now!!

7: Ah....

Pag 17

1: I remember something I read in a book

2: “Four things necessary for a person who wants to build up self-confidence”

3: “Find the amazing within you”

“Praise yourself for it”

“Don't deny it”

“Keep polishing it”

4: These are ideals... there's no way anyone can do it

6: I want to meet someone like that, bring them to me...

I thought so, and so that time I put down the book

7: But

Pag 18

1: He was there, right in front of my eyes!!

Pag 19

1: It's been right in front of my eyes the whole time!!

2: The guy who finds the “amazing” in himself, who praises himself for it, and never denies it!!

3: I realized I've been with him for many years!!

4: So I feel like I'm starting to see the process to gain confidence in myself, Issa!!

Pag 20

1: Please look at me, Issa

I'll go to the Inter High!!

2: To prove that my heart is getting bigger, little by little

3: And to make you, who believed in me, even more frolic!!

5: Danchiku is shouting!!

6: He accelerated again!!

7: I'll become much stronger!!

Pag 21

1: Garuaaa!!

2: 50m left!!

They're neck and neck!!

(Thank you @monkeyingaround for beta-ing this chapter!! <33)

[angel---eater]

theres so much something to the tiaratop AI being a physical representation of how fascism spreads like a literal brain disease by way of taking over jane herself. i really do believe that jane is one of those kids who grew up more susceptible to stuff that leads into fascism bc of her circumstances (ie: being the heiress, an interest in capitalism and branding, being the most socially sheltered of her friend group, casual homophobia that also comes from growing up in a sheltered upper middle class suburb [not being able to parse that jake could be into guys]). all of her other friends are stranded alone with literally no money lol. and like thats one of the reasons the tiaratop works on her. not only is this thing probably literally tailored to her but her living situation leaves massive weak spots to it. so the thought of (1) her friends waking her up to her blind spots and (2) her forcefully distancing the tiaratop AI from herself and (3) the tiaratop AI not leaving and actually needing to be deprogramed - haha - HERSELF is really fuckin cool actually

which then makes me think of candy!jane. the alpha kids dont really hang out or really talk to e/o in the epilogues, like, at all. jane and jake notwithstanding and frought with issues. and im not surprised because homestuck operates on a very literal show dont tell rule. we dont actually get to see the alpha kids talk it out and thats since been used to forward their characters in beyond canon. which i think is REALLY cool

dirk dies in candy but before that his and janes relationship seems to get professional and largely stay that way. in candy jane does not get help and thats why shes written the way she is. shes the goddess of life with an insane amount of power and responsibility that she felt completely alone with and not one of her friends slowed her down bc i truly think they didnt know HOW. they have their hands full with their own problems. shes also the only kid who goes through the end-game door with a guardian. everyone else is 16-onward trying to navigate their trauma without their designated adult and holy shit does that show

the last time we saw jane in HSBC she said smth really cool and revealing abt all of this. genuinely even if you dont like whats happening in the eps and HSBC i think its good to read them bc the writing team DO know what theyre doing, and its also very apparent that they love these characters. hussie themself is on this too. meat and candy are canonically only two possible outcomes of a post-game setting after all, theyre the ones we just get to see

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[rlljayhon]

3/31/24 (heppi eeztaaa)

i am glad i prepared myself for this outcome bc we had a talk yesterday and they said they just wanna be friends...../wb HAHA

but yes obviously i am bummed about it because like, not that I have had a crush on them since freshman year, but like I would have loved to be their partner y'know and like yeah I guess my fault for fumbling the bag before lol I am just sad bc this is the closest I have gotten to being partners but they are not interested, and why would I want to be with someone who is not as interested as I am! relationships go both ways so I see no reason to want to keep trying at this

i am not like devasted or heartbroken bc like i said i kinda was expecting this, but I mean I was very into them heh but I think I did a good job getting across what I needed to say because I could tell if we kept talking at the pace we were I was just gonna fall harder and harder for them so now that we have discussed and settled everything I can learn to not like them

denise said that now it is time to download hinge HAHA but idk dating apps seem corny/lame to me but how else am I gonna meet ppl u know? i will probably try it out in like a month or two when I feel ready

mmmm im definitely NOT waiting for them, but if they did change their mind in the future I would be open to it HAHA like me personally i do not see an issue with dating a friend bc if u like em enough as a person i don't see why not try out being partners? i still hold that same belief about my other friends, not just them, and i do plan on going on hinge tho bc i would just luv to meet new people again but i will probably get that with anakbayan too

speaking of that i am very excited to go to that :) I felt like after high school I wasn't doing anything important/meaningful/impactful with my life because like senior year I was UTC captain, Jaws Captain, did PCN and asb and idk it was all stuff that felt very rewarding bc it felt like I was making a difference, (I guess UTC is what I'm talking about the most) but now i don't do anything like that. I think anakbayan will be nice bc i have always felt disconnected as a Filipino and never learned about what happens in the motherland and i don't speak tagalog so i think that going to this and learning more about it will feel rewarding and will help me feel more connected to that side of myself

currently feenin for a cig rn maybe i will buy one last vape bc its spring break HAHA

[regular-john-16278]

theres outcomes that could occur today that im thinking about while having a v lazy morning sat on my laptop in bed. they could be spoilers or just me rambling so if u dont wanna see regardless dont click my loves and have a lovely gay kinnporsche day

soooo Porsche either says yes or no to vegas, this is something that has to happen

Pete goes to investigate Vegas further, as a way to prove his trust in Porsche, this is something that has to happen

so looking at those, its highly likely that Porsche says yes.

that leaves Kinn most likely frustrated, and easily agreeing to Pete doing the investigating thing.

also, it is known that at some point vegas kidnaps Pete, thats not exactly a spoiler. and this is more than likely going to happen while Pete is doing his investigation

MY thoughts ere are that he probably wouldnt kidnap Pete while Porsche is staying with him, its just too likely that Porsche will run into Pete and all the supposed trust he had in vegas to begin with will totally leave

soooo this means that Porsche will probably leave the minor family household before Pete even gets there?? so maybe he uses Vegas as a means of escape, hangs out there briefly and then finds a way to leave again

I feel like he wont stay long, him assuming Kinn came to his cell to apologise says it all. he still trusts him, hes expecting him to have some kind of second plan. I totally get that, and I think its entirely likely, sure Kinn has trust issues and has been let down, but realistically if Tawan (a guy he has shitty trust in to begin with) finds all that spying stuff in his room and proves it to be Porsche's, what does that prove exactly? they already have CCTV installed in the room that seemingly everyone on the detail has access too, i mean fucksake Porsche is the bodyguard stationed outside of his room.

Kinn must know that Porsche was spying on Tawan for reasons relating to his devotion to Kinn, as well as Porsche following them both when they left to get the evidence.

so when Porsche leaves, does he go straight back to the major family house?? or does he run back via his own house to check on his brother?

Ive only heard whispers of this so idk if its true bc i havent and will not read the novel but Tawan kidnapping Chay?? if that occurs, then its vvv likely Porsche goes back via his own house, if not stopping to stay then at least looking through the window to check he is still there and living his life

theres a chance Kim could be there when this occurs, or that Chay is just vibing playing guitar like he usually does. REGARDLESS, Tawan could see this somehow i feel (if the fact he kidnaps Chay is real and not like a fever dream I had and have convinced myself someone said). Tawan is tracking Porsche now, he escaped and cant exactly go straight back to Kinn, so it is entirely in Tawan's interest to see where else Porsche goes.

Hes a crazy motherfucker, so he sees Porsche caring about someone other than Kinn and uses this as his opportunity to have something hanging over his head??

IDK im theorising and idek if that actaully occurs, but if we're thinking about Tawan and what he really wants, its probably the position next to Kinn with as much information and power as he can get his hands on. This would be when he would use Porsche, blackmail him using his brother to get what he wants

ive run out of thoughts for now but ill come back to this later after another coffee.

[prettyboykatsuki]

basically,,,how do you deal w executive function? Especially since you’re unmedicated? Just like…how do you prioritize ur time like “ok now I’m gonna do this, then this, etc”…how do you push yourself to get started on an assignment and if you have, power through the whole thing without getting distracted? Im medicated but I still struggle to hell and back to do any work at all and barely hand in assignments, let alone on time. I’ve gone whole semesters without submitting or participating in a single thing and failing classes bc of this, and almost got kicked out of uni bc my gpa was so low but, I’ve gotten As at the same exact time so it’s not like I’m bad at this? ik I can do the work well, it’s just impossible to force myself sometimes, and I’m trying to get help and deal w it so it doesn’t keep happening but it’s EXHAUSTING and i feel like the mental effort put in vs the outcome just isn’t..productive at all. I just end up daydreaming endlessly and nothing happens 😭 do you have any tips/routines/methods that help you?

okay!! so. i actually have advice for this and it might not be what u wanna hear but this has changed my life and it's what i tell other people all the time. the number one thing for me?

do not go against your nature because you will lose.

i mean this. read it once, and then again, and keep reading it until its plastered in your brain. im gonna bet since you have adhd, you probably deal with severe feelings of failure and have tried tirelessly to become the perfect and productive person. i can guarantee it.

but you have got to stop going against the fundamentals of who you are as a person by trying to do things the way neurotypical people do them. you are not like them and you won't ever be and that's okay!! but do not try to fight yourself on things you simply cannot do. it's okay. nothing is wrong with doing things differently

i compare myself to a little pet all the time. my brain needs enrichment to function and survive. work with your needs instead of trying to work around them and cut yourself some slack somedays.

ill give u a tldr bc u u might not wanna read all of this LOL. here's what i do that i highly reccomend if u can't be bothered to read the whole post (i get it lmao)

a. change your environment. i go on campus 3 days a week, 3 hours a day - about 9 hours total. top floor, dead silent library.

a.1. noise cancelling headphones changed my life.

b. have every single thing in you need to do right infront of your face. buy post it notes and stick to them to the thing you look at most. as soon as you get an assignment, make it an alarm on your phone. repeat it everyday.

it needs to stress you out a little. creating a sense of urgency matters.

c. no idea about your medication but i drink a lot of caffiene. about 240mg for the three days im on campus + brown noise (NO MUSIC FOR ME) unless im doing something that doesn't require me to think like math

d. force yourself to make a game out of things. it helps.

i need caffeine to focus bc im unmedicated and ill probably need it after im medicated. it happens

now here is the more indepth advice

1. your work will not always reflect how much effort you put in. get comfortable with this and understand it has nothing to do with you. people with adhd do not feel rewarded by completing tasks the way NT people do and you have to understand that you will not garner satisfaction. treat your responsibilities like standing your phone up for a photo - it's fucking annoying to keep doing, but doing it will give you the best results.

2. it is 100% neccesary to trick your brain into doing something. force yourself to make it interesting if you can. instead of trying to study for a test, figure out the best way to cheat. why? because you'll inadvertently learn the content when finding out how. need to read something for a class discussion? read in a fucked up voice or accent that you do when you repeat shit to yourself. make a rap out of it. have an essay that needs to get written? use an ugly font to write the rough draft, and only let yourself use the nice font after you hit a word count. your brain needs dopamine and to produce dopamine you need to make shit interesting.

i use the forest app when im struggling. i get to plant a tree if i focus the whole time in deep focus mode and i feel guilty if a tree dies. it's not stupid if it works. sometimes that doesn't work and that's okay.

3. doing a little is always better than doing nothing. never, ever let your brain give up on something because it's a surefire way to not doing anything at all. if the hardest part is starting, don't try to sit down and force yourself to start. set a 5 minute timer and push through for 5 minutes and take a break for 5 or 10. doing it again and again until you can't anymore. eventually you'll either fall into hyperfocus and get work done or you won't. do something else productive and try to build momentum if you can. forgive yourself if you can't do anything. some days it's not in the cards for you to be productive and that's okay too.

4. this last one, use with limits because hyperfocus is so real but - you have adhd, which means you lose interest in things quickly, which means if there is something you're burning to do - just do it. you losing interest in thing means it's better to get that burning desire out of the way first. if you want to play halo for 2 hours, do it. you don't need to earn it. do it and when you get bored of that, whenever that is, go try and do your work.

generally speaking, cut yourself some slack. adhd is fucking miserable and hard. don't beat yourself too much and remember that you are putting in effort even when you feel like there's nothing to show.

i love u! i hope this helps.

[wickedpact]

Crim pls do a J/N fic rec post at some point in the future I trust you more than I trust myself looking rouge through AO3

im kinda eh abt the concept of fic recs myself just bc the whole 'Different Strokes For Different Folks' thing (idk how many times someone i liked in a fandom made a fic rec list and i ended up not liking anything they posted). plus i have weirdly specific tastes and i.. .. honestly havent read a ton of joenicky fic! (i have a FAT to-read list) but ive been asked this a couple times now so i will slap together a couple joenicky fics i like (not comprehensive, i only spent like 15 minutes making this. also not in any particular order.)

Kiss Each Other Clean by moodlighting

i like this whole fic, but the last 6 or so paragraphs in particular SEND ME TO SPACE, i love cuddling. also [joe voice] nickel neekee

what you seek is seeking you by bankrobbery

i actually recced this one once before. idk its cute i just Like It. (also nicky pretending not to know english bc a customer is pissing him off is Very Funny and i love it)

with every inch of my heart by smilebackwards

i like this one a lot, i think nickys pov should Always be this tender. i dont like miscommunication trope much, (esp with joenicky) but i do like this fic-- the miscommunication in question is far-fetched but its joenicky so of course it is. just enjoy the Angst™

i love michelangelo seeing nicky all dirty and bloody after a fight and being like 'DAMN this bitch is fine' (same). (AND the fact that nicky only agrees to travel with him in the name of wasting the pope's money lmao). the fact that joe and nicky broke up But They Still Snuggle. nile knowing like 2 things about joe and nicky's breakup & pretty much immediately taking nicky's side. joe looking at the creation of adam and bein like 'EH'.

nicky carrying around his little joe drawing? nicky carrying around a spare toothbrush for booker? nicky telling little children stories about a princess locked in a coffin under the sea? ('perhaps someday, if an iron coffin is caught in a net or washed up onto the shore, they’ll remember the princess, a victim and not a monster' EXCUSE ME)

(also 'I have drawn you a thousand times since we parted. I sculpted your likeness, just so that I could pretend to cup your cheek. You are so much warmer than marble, hayati.' R O M A N C E)

Pas Un Ange by inlovewithnight

there are a lot of fics i love in a way thats like 'this fic is fun but it doesnt feel like something that would happen in the Actual Canon' (which is fine!) but this one Does feel like it could happen in The Actual Canon which is cool

this fic also has probably my favorite depiction of nicky's relationship with god/religion in any fic ive read ('[nicky's] peace had come only after walking away from faith as a competition of intensity in favor of faith as a steady compass that he followed like the beat of his heart in his chest.'). i love the whole Drama played out by the background characters and how they all have their own ideas and motivations & nicky is just kind of resigned to being caught in the middle of it.

(also love how near the beginning joe's like 'the Right thing to do in the situation would be stay at this river and help these people.... ... ....... ... .... ... anyways see ya guys later gotta go find nicky'.)

also joe chatting up a pig and the five minutes later chatting up some goats was so cute. & nicky trying to tell the baby's mother how to save it!!!! </3 AND THEY ARGUE ABOUT CHARITY on the way home (not before joe injects a comment abt nickys ass into regular conversation bc Romance™) its a bit of a sad fic tho, that poor baby 🥺

Intercession by PrincessDesire

can i interest you in some Swamp Man Nicky in this trying time?

someone recced this fic to me and i dont remember who. but note that the major character death tag is not, in fact, for a major character but for a background one. neither joe or nicky perma!die in this. also normally i dont like fics where joe or nicky are bi bc Thats Not Canon Babey but i do like this one, i love joe's relationship with Grace and how nicky's perception of that relationship gets flipped on its head halfway thru the fic. i also love joe's Weariness Of Immortality, like when joe talks about how 'youthful' nicky makes him feel. his pov just kind of Feels like an old man and i like it

theres a smut scene in this fic which im personally not big on smut scenes but theres this bit where joe tries to figure out condoms and its very cute. also 'You have many kinds of magic, Nicky. All your spells have worked.' ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

also i just like how WHIPPED joe is from like the first 3 seconds he sees nicky. theres one bit where nicky's like 'ill come visit you!' and joe's like 'when🥺' and nicky's like 'as soon as you like!' and joes like 'now?????🥺🥺🥺 literally come home with me???' incredible.

also the Magic System was cool. i also love how nicky just Accidentally made himself immortal. what a man. also i like this line 'it would never occur to [nicky] to attend any service that wasn’t going to have a direct outcome. Grace takes comfort from it, so maybe that’s the only outcome needed.' idk its so sweet

edit: also i cant believe i forgot the iconic line 'Yusuf is a man of two minds, one large and underutilized, the other small and underutilized.' absolutely iconic & relatable

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[scripttorture]

1/? I have a character who has been caught up in a war between planets ever since he was a child. He was out into hiding from the age of 10 to 16, before watching his younger brother killed by the person prosecuting them and elder sister sell her planet (she's heir basically) to save his life and swore herself loyal to the person to save herself.

2/? (She isn't loyal, but she'd be killed otherwise.) The character is then sent to grow up on a different planet, with his mother who figureheads a resistance against the people who took the characters sister and killed his brother. That's basic backstory continuing the character eventually gets captured again, and it taken to a prison. The character is tortured in the prison bc he killed several very important people and cut off the hands of another. 3/? Its seen (by the torturers i suppose, or at least the woman ordering them to do so) as rightful punishment. I havnt quite hashed out exactly what the torture is other than he definitely by the end has rather severe nerve damage in his hands from the shackles and chronic pain/weakness in one of his legs from something or another. Anyway the characters sister was put in charge of this prison, 4/5 and has no choice but to stand by and watch as the character is tortured. She does her best to make sure he isn't killed and the character knows she has no choice but to let them hurt her bc she is just as much of a prisoner as him, albeit in an entirely seperate way. She could stop the torture, and she could get him out, but she would be killed for it and he knows it. Im just wondering if he would blame her, 5/5 because she is in charge and could stop it. But she would be killed and it would likely end with them both dead. She cares for him when she can which isn't often bc she isn't exactly allowed too. Would he blame her I suppose? She has never hurt him, but lets it happen.

-

Alright I understand what you’re going for here.

 It’s not the kind of situation that’s common enough for there to be systematic studies. Most of the time torturers and their victims don’t have a close relationship. It’s much more common to find cases where they were strangers or acquaintances prior to torture then close family or friends.

 This doesn’t make this a bad idea. It just means that there aren’t definitive answers. I’m working from a handful of anecdotes and extrapolating from other things.

 Even if this was a more common situation I don’t think you’d find many definite answers because individual variation would probably play a huge role.

 Torture changes things for survivors in a lot of unpredictable ways. While we know the possible symptoms what any individual ends up experiencing is unpredictable. And how well people cope with mental health problems, and how that in turn impacts their relationships is dependant on the person. Someone’s personal experience, friends, support network, work, general knowledge and a host of other things can effect these sorts of outcomes.

 Having that person also be tangentially involved in the survivor’s torture complicates things even further.

 What I’m trying to say is that there are a lot of plausible outcomes here and I think that makes this a writing question rather then a realism question. So the real focus is: what works best with the character?

 Blame is definitely possible in the scenario you’ve created but it doesn’t have to be straight-forward or simple.

 For instance the character might blame her while knowing logically that there’s nothing else she could do without putting both of them in more danger. And that could make him feel conflicted about blaming her, possibly feeding into self-blame as well. He could openly blame her, or he could hide his feelings for a variety of reasons.

 He might feel angry, that she’s ‘safer’ or that she can’t protect him. Or just because she ‘stands by’ and watches him at his worst. He might even come to hate her.

 But it’s also possible that he wouldn’t associate her with the torturers or guards and would view her more as a fellow (though perhaps favoured) prisoner. He might pity her. He might feel sympathetic towards her plight.

 He could plausibly have no strong feelings towards her at all.

 Whatever emotional response you think is best it’s important to tie it to what’s come before in the story.

 However you look at things he’s been away from his sister for a long time. It’s not clear to me how much time they spent together growing up (they could have been apart since he was 10 from the sounds of things).

 If they spent a lot of their childhood apart they may not have a close relationship to begin with. I don’t think that would make a particular response more likely but it could mean he has a less intense response to her presence generally. If they weren’t close before then he might not feel her presence is particular significant.

 If they were close then I think it’s a good idea to look back over the story. Read their interactions again and try to get a clear picture in your mind of what their relationship was before.

 Whatever happens you’re writing the process of how that relationship changes. And it’s really helpful to have a clear idea of where you’re starting from first. I personally find it helpful to have a clear idea of where I want to end up as well but some people prefer a more exploratory style where they find out where the characters end up as they write.

 It doesn’t matter which approach works better for you, what matters is that the intervening steps, the process of the relationship changing, are clear and understandable to your readers. And preferably pack a heavy emotional punch as well.

 So if blame is the result you want (if it isn’t use this as an example and apply the same process to the emotional response you want) think about what aspects of their relationship could feed into that.

 If they had a competitive or slightly antagonistic relationship then it might feel natural for him to place some blame on her. After all it’s probably an established pattern from their relationship. If he saw her as a protector and relied on her to keep him safe then this might feel like a huge betrayal.

 If they had a really loving, tender relationship then you might want to lean in to the illogical nature of the response. It might even be a good idea to have the character acknowledge (internally or verbally) that this isn’t a sensible response. And yet this does not make the feeling go away.

 With a more distant relationship did he feel like she betrayed her people or her family by ‘giving up’, regardless of how desperate the situation was? Or did he (as a kid raised in the rebellion) mostly view her as a prisoner?

 If he saw her as a prisoner and felt pity for her would that vanish as she stands by while he suffers? Or would it seem to confirm what he already thought; that she’s helpless, powerless.

 Find some part of their previous relationship that you can tie to this new set of feelings. Or acknowledge that it’s not a sensible response and have the character deal with more complex feelings as a result.

 Mostly try to resist the idea that there’s a ‘right’ response for your character to have.

 Try not to suggest in the story that there is one ‘proper’ response for a survivor to have. Because they are a varied bunch. People can live through more or less the same thing and come out with very different attitudes or perspectives as well as symptoms.

 The response you write should be the one that works best with your characters and the story you want to tell. Don’t feel you must use blame. Instead think about whether it adds to your story: does it create interesting character moments, obstacles for the characters or feed into the plot?

 You’re the person who knows what’s best for the story and what will work best with the characters. Be open to multiple options. Take your time and think through what works best.

 For the character himself it’s possible (may be likely) that he’d already have some trauma symptoms before he’s captured.

 I get the impression you’ve probably already seen the Masterpost on common trauma symptoms, but here it is for the new readers. :)

 For the physical injury pattern you’ve got multiple options.

 I think that really severe nerve damage suggests something more then shackles. Unless something went wrong.

 The easiest way to get both injuries in your character would be a suspension torture that was more common historically. Victims had their hands tied together in front of them, were hoisted anywhere between a few feet and two meters in the air and then dropped.

 This causes nerve damage in both hands and could cause breaks or fractures in the legs. Either could lead to chronic pain.

 Suspension without the drop would still cause nerve damage in about 15-20 minutes.

 Nerve damage is less common with restraints but it is still possible. Ratcheting cuffs that can tighten are more likely to cause nerve damage, especially if they’re applied too tightly over a long period.

 Other dangerous things that can happen with those sorts of restraints being too tight- Broken wrists and reduced circulation leading to painful swelling in the hands (look up ‘finger milking’ in my tags for more information).

 Over longer periods (multiple hours with the cuffs tight enough to cause swelling in the hands) blood clots might form and that uh… really dangerous. Basically if large blood clots start forming in a limb due to reduced circulation then they either block the blood vessels (which kills the limb and leads to amputation) or the clot gets swept back into the body when the restraints are removed. The clot usually then lodges in the brain or the heart causing a stroke or a heart attack respectively.

 I’d say suspension probably works better for your purposes.

 Standing stress positions can lead to chronic pain in the legs. But it often also effects the back and usually effects both legs.

 Falaka might work. It’s beating the soles of the feet with an implement. Depending on the implement it can be clean, scarring or even lethal. With a harder implement like a wooden stick it can lead to fractured or broken bones in the feet.

 But even when falaka is performed in a ‘clean’ manner it can lead to chronic pain. It causes a thickening of the tendons in the soles and also causes tiny bone fragments to detach inside the feet. It’s unclear how long these bone fragments stick around but they’re detectable by MRI for a few months with the right method.

 You could also just go with the idea of the leg injury being the result of a specific attack or accident. A broken knee perhaps, after a beating or a fall. Not all injuries in torture scenarios are ‘deliberate’, in the sense that they weren’t necessarily intentional. Because torturers are not as in control of the situation as they’d like people to believe.

 I think I’ll leave it at that for now, but if you have any further questions don’t hesitate to come by when the askbox is open. :)

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[baddyzarc]

4b/7 Ruins: Legend of the Dragons

1 2 3 4a x 5 6 7  

Part 2 of Mizael’s Ruins

Alright, I’m going to get into some deep lore in regards to the Zexal Universe and how Jinlon and Mizael and even Kaito fit into it.

To begin, the Universe was created by the Numeron Dragon eons ago. By doing this, the dragon used all of its power and will die as a result. Sad that it will never be able to witness its creation grow (which, you aint missing much, buddy), it shedded a single tear. This teardrop contained the Numeron Code, or the dragon’s knowledge, emotions, and the ability to rewrite the Universe. The Numeron Code landed on Earth. In the Zexal Universe, this was the event that created the Moon, which is also where the remaining fragments of the Numeron Dragon (in the form of “Number 100: Numeron Dragon’’) reside. Fearing that it’s powers would be used for evil, the Numeron Dragon hid the Code and placed a key on it.

According to Astral, the location of the Numeron Code is revealed when Numbers 1 to Numbers 100 is collected because of how it relates to his memory. But this causes some problems when it comes to the plot, but I’ll explain that later.

To awaken the sealed Numeron Dragon and obtain “Number 100″, the Numeron Dragon embedded a riddle into a stone tablet that Kaito found in the cave near Mizael’s ruins:

“Dragons of light and time, clash at thy place of birth. Then shall the eyes of the galaxies awaken for the first time, opening a gate to a new world.”

This riddle is rather straight-forward especially with the imagery used. The time dragon is “Number 107: Galaxy-Eyes Tachyon Dragon” and the light dragon is “Number 62: Galaxy-Eyes Prime Photon Dragon”. The place where they clash is the Moon (this is given to us via Jinlon), and the “eyes of the galaxies” is not the eyes of the Galaxy-Eyes Dragons, but of the Numeron Dragon itself.

By fulfilling the conditions of the riddle, the Numeron Dragon is able to reawaken for a brief moment to fix whatever shit its children got themselves into “open the gates to a new world”. I take that this means it grants the usage of the Numeron Code upon the winner. 

But the phrase that interests me is “clash at thy place of birth”. 

Now, this states that Tachyon Dragon and Photon Dragon were created on the surface of the Moon and they need to fight to awaken the Numeron Dragon. This may seem like an odd choice because we’re under the presumption that Tachyon Dragon was made by Don Thousand or that the Number Cards (including “Number 62: Galaxy-Eyes Prime Photon Dragon”) were made by Astral when his memories scattered. 

But I think you have to consider how the Moon was made in this show, what the dragons represent, and what the Numbers are.

Okay, to keep it simple, in real life 4.5 billion years ago, a huge rock crashed into Earth, pushing a bunch of debris into space. The debris conglomerate together over time to form the Moon; as such, the Moon is primarily made of Earthly materials. This is slightly different from Zexal’s story, with the Numeron Dragon’s teardrop playing the role of the huge rock. The outcome is more or less the same.

Alright, so from here, we can start to theorize about Photon Dragon and Tachyon Dragon’s relationship to the Moon, and how Dragluon plays into this. After all, Dragluon is one of the dragons of the stone tablet despite not having a place in the riddle.  

So what is the role of Dragloun exactly? And how did the Numeron Dragon anticipate the fight between the Barians and the Astrals (aside from being an omni-force). 

For starters, Dragluon goes all the way back to the “three worlds” that Zexal has.

The Three Worlds of Zexal is sorta like Heaven, Hell, and Earth. Heaven for Astral World, Hell for Barian World, and then Earth as the, well, the Earth. The land of the living where your actions decide your fate. 

However, from Don Thousand, we know that the Heaven and Hell bits aren’t true. Not exactly, but Barian World and Astral World appear to function like it. The actual descriptions for Astral and Barian World is a little simpler than Heaven and Hell.

Order and Disorder, Cosmos and Chaos, these are the true depictions of Astral and Barian World rather than Heaven and Hell (although it does have a very nice ring to it). And at the center of things is the middle man, a balance of both—Earth. You can’t have two sides of a coin without the edge, and the Earth is the glue connecting the opposing sides. And for the sake of simplifying this, I’m going to call the “power” of Earth as Parity. 

Parity is what happens when Chaos and Cosmos meet. This could be most easily seen in the Zexal Morphs, which are a combination of Astral, a creature of the Cosmos, and Yuma, who is confirmed to be a fragment of Don Thousand, of Chaos. Blues and Reds respectively.

I also want to note that the three primary colors are often associated with heroes, while secondary colors are often associated with villains (these are trends, not a concrete black-and-white concept). 

When Astral and Yuma work together, they glow the last and primary color, yellow, for their Zexal Morphs. But when they are in disequilibrium, they glow the secondary color purple (also the color you make when you mix red and blue). This shows that there could be a distinct relationship between how Chaos and Cosmos interact each other: the outcome could be very good and improves upon the characteristics of each. Or it could lead to relentless self-destruction.  

Of course, sometimes a door is red because it’s just red. Nasch’s main color is purple and Don Thousand’s final form has a yellowish glow, so perhaps all these colors have zero correlation to the characters at all. These are just some observations I made when it comes to depicting each world with their respective colors.

But this may be what the Numeron Dragon meant when it was afraid that the Numeron Code could fall into the wrong hands. Not Barians or Astrals specifically, but the people of the Cosmos or people of Chaos abusing the Code’s powers to wipe each other out. This is exactly what Eliphas wanted to do because he saw Chaos as impure and limiting as well as Don Thousand for about the same reason.

To prevent this travesty, the Numeron Dragon sealed the Numeron Code away with the final key to it being itself, or “Number 100: Numeron Dragon”.

“Thy place of birth” may not mean that the dragons were literally born on the surface of the Moon, but it may mean that the impact that made the Moon also led to the creation of Chaos and Cosmos and Parity. By extension, this is where the dragons were truly born. Think of it as a stardust type of thing. Yeah, we humans are born on Earth probably by another human, but our atoms and molecules and elements? Those were made up in space. Tachyon Dragon was made by Don Thousand, but the Chaos he used to forge Tachyon Dragon was made on the Moon.

But onto the Numbers since all the dragons are Numbers and they get complicated so bear with me.

Okey, disclaimer and anyone is welcome to challenge my stance on what exactly Numbers are because they are absolutely limitless. We have Astral’s memory Numbers, Over-Hundred Numbers, those bug Barians Numbers, Imaginary Numbers, Mythyrian Numbers, Chaos Numbers made by Shark, Yuma, the Arclights, maybe Number XX yeah that guy remember him,,, 

and the only explanation we get for them is that they amplify emotions and take on the form of the beholder’s desires. At least, the first 100 Numbers do. Anyways please do, I like reading interpretations on what these things are. 

So I’m going to try to explain how I see it. 

My first statement is that Numbers are not a direct product of the Astrals ot Astral. My guess is that Numbers are a general manifestation of power made with either Chaos, Cosmos, or Parity. The Original 100 (aka Astral’s Memory Numbers) is made by the Numeron Dragon, as opposed to the ones made Don Thousand, for example. This explains why the Numeron Dragon is “Number 100”. If it is included as one of Astral’s memories, it’s kinda blasphemous ngl. 

My conclusion came from a certain flaw in the show’s logic (which is fine bc its yugioh but im trying to knot things together here). The show states that Astral knows where the Numeron Code is, so when his memories got scattered, the location scattered with it in the form of the Numbers. However, it is never stated how Astral knows its location. Like, who told him that? Eliphas? The only creature that should know is the Numeron Dragon, and it’s dead. A possible explanation is that the Numeron Dragon placed the coordinates of the Numeron Code in the first 100 Numbers, and since Astral had the Numbers, he knew where it was. 

But yet, why are the Numbers so dangerous if they were made by a benevolent God? They’re made by a God, for starters. They’re supposed to be ultra powerful and unfit for mortal hands. 

And if the Numbers lead to the Numeron Code, it may be that the Numeron Dragon didn’t want someone who couldn’t handle the 100 Numbers to be handling the all-powerful source code. 

We also know that the Numbers tend to absorb a handful of stuff. The Mythyrian Numbers took in the Guardians and “Number 96: Black Mist” had a piece of Don Thousand stuck on it. It is likely that the Numbers absorbed Astral’s memories, so when they scattered, they took his memories with them rather than the other way around.

Furthermore, Astral’s Airship is kinda of an enigma. Like, what is it? Who built it? Why can it do things like store all 100 Numbers as well as track down certain Numbers. If the Numbers are just Astral’s memories, how are they able to fit into the slots on the Airship, which isn’t part of Astral memories?

To go along with the Numbers being separate from Astral, it’s easy to say the Astral World built the Airship to harness the Numbers’ powers and knowledge. So it is likely that the mechanism behind the Airship was how Astral was going to find Numeron Code.

But simply put, Astral World probably collected most of the first 100 Numbers before the Barians did, created Astral and the Airship using the Numbers with the goal of fighting Don Thousand or going to Earth to find the Numeron Code so they could wipe out Barian World. Kinda like Silvally but he kills Barians. His original battle with Don Thousand and Kazuma’s meddling caused Astral to lose all the Number Cards he had (and since his only purpose and identity is tied to the Numbers, he lost all of his memories as well), allowing the Barians to scramble in to try to collect them before the Astrals can. This is why some Numbers were in the hands of the Barians, like “Numbers 80: Madness-Draped Supreme King - Rhapsody in Berserk” and “Numbers 58: Flame Pressure Demon - Burner Visor”

The Number Cards do not belong to either party; it just happened that Astral World managed to get them and use their powers first. This becomes important when we talk about Jinlon later.

The biggest plot hole that I can pick up is because of “Number 100: Numeron Dragon”. Astral definitely should not have that one. Astral might’ve gotten 99 at the very most, then lost the Mythyrians, Numeron Gates, and some other cards to Don Thousand, then the rest when he crashed into Yuma. 

It is possible that he never had all 100 Numbers, but who knows.

But back to the dragons:

“Number 100: Numeron Dragon″ can only be obtained when the “dragons of light and time clash” fight each other on the Moon. 

Mizael said that since the condition requires a Barian (or a Chaos) dragon, then the Numeron Code belongs to the Barians. 

And he’s about half right. The condition does requires a Chaos dragon, but I say that it also requires a Cosmos dragon and a Parity Dragon as well.

Cosmos and Chaos took shape in the form of Photon Dragon and Tachyon Dragon. Tachyon Dragon is obviously a creature born from the powers of Chaos while Photon Dragon is harder to pick up, but it is directly stated that it uses the power of the Astrals, or Cosmos.

And why as dragons? Ehh The Numeron Dragon is a dragon, and what better way than to battle in the image of the Creator. (also dragons are sick af)

The most peculiar concept is that the last Number can only be accessed when the Cosmos and Chaos are actively fighting against each other, and it’s strange to think that the Numeron Dragon would set up the situation where the strongest object in the Universe can only be achieved through war. 

But this is exactly where Dragluon, Jinlon, and Parity fit into this legend.

Dragluon (and Jinlon by association) are the representatives for Parity. 

Dragluon is often represented with the yellow colors of Earth in a similar manner of base-form Photon Dragon using the blues of Astral World or base-form Tachyon Dragon using the reds of Barian World. These are the three dragons representing the Three Worlds.

Unlike the other two, Jinlon/Dragluon is like a neutral observer. He is the balance sitting between Kaito and Mizael to watch the battle unfold and judge it.

It isn’t a coincidence that Dragluon is one of the dragons required to awaken the powers of the Numeron Dragon. If the dragon representing the balance between the two other worlds was not present to witness the battle, it is unlikely that the last Number would reveal itself, thus locking access to the key and Numeron Code. 

Also, the Moon itself is composed mainly of Earthly materials. Since the Earth is represented as Parity, the Moon is a neutral ground for the clash between Chaos and Cosmos. It does not favor the victory of one or the other (Jinlon got involved in the duel to awaken Mizael’s true memories, but other than that, he did not interrupt the flow of the duel between the Galaxy-Eyes. Mizael’s resolve as a Barian Emperor did not change with this encounter). 

Although situational, the presence of Parity also explains certain phenomenons that occurrs in areas where it’s presence is the strongest, particularly at Mizael’s ruins/Dragluon’s home and the Moon. Astral’s ship stopped working, Orbital 7 (whose energy supply runs on Barianite) couldn’t function properly, and Mizael cannot tap into his Barian powers.

The Moon appears to have the same effect on the characters until they enter the battle-zone, where the clashing parties are allowed to fight. Parity neutralizes the effects of Cosmos and Chaos. 

As to why Jinlon ascended into the role as the Mythyrian Number and the representative for Parity, I have a small theory for that. 

Jinlon is a divine dragon who is much older than the show made him out to be. I reckon that he was one of the first life made by the Numeron Dragon (image of god, you know) and he stated that he witnessed the original battle between Astral and Don Thousand. 

His choice of wording here is telling. He shows obvious disdain towards the war on both sides, and I think this intensified after his encounter with Mizael. 

Going back to the origins of Mizael, I want to talk about the colors of the Three Worlds once more. Now, I truly do not know if this is intentional, but the flashback to Mizael’s childhood has heavy usage of the blue, red, and yellow color palette.    

When Mizael fled from the massacred village, the village lighted up due to the flames burning his home to the ground down while the surrounding sand was blue due to the darkness of the night. In this sense, Mizael is running from the source of his anger and sadness into freedom and safety, or from disorder to order. But the deeper he went in, the desert proved to not be the safe place he desired. The desert shifted between the intense Barian reds and Astral blues as Mizael transversed the landscape. 

And Mizael was dying during these scenes. It’s almost as though he’s being persuaded into two worlds; either ascend with grief to become a Barian, or let it all go to become an Astral. 

It was Jinlon who came to save Mizael. Like, I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot, but Jinlon appeared to Mizael with the colors of Parity. He engulfed Mizael in it and prevented him from entering either of the worlds too soon. Jinlon is a being who exists outside of Barian and Astral World’s conflicts. 

This is why he became Dragluon. Jinlon is already a creature of Parity with or without his association to Dragluon, and thus his death and closeness to the Mythyrian Number + Mizael resulted in his attachment to “Number 46: Ethereal Dragon Dragluon”, the ultimate dragon representing Parity. 

To that whole bit with the Astral’s Numbers, this is why Dragluon being made from Astral’s memories, as well as the other stuff I stated, doesn’t make much sense. (Maybe without the meddling of Don Thousand, instead of becoming an Astral when he died, Mizael may have shared a fate similar to Jinlon and been reborn as a creature of Parity given how often he is associated with the yellow colors. Maybe, just thinking).

As a neutral force, Jinlon leads the dragon-tamers down what they think is the correct path for the future. 

Aside from being convenient to the plot, Jinlon spends time with Kaito and Mizael. And likewise, Mizael and Kaito are characters who tether dangerously close to the line between Cosmos and Chaos. Kaito starts off as a heartless, cold killer, after all, and Mizael is strange for an antagonist; even going as far as fighting Don Thousand, the actual villain of the show (but most of the barians are like this for a reason that I’ll explain once I get to Vector). Although Mizael is massively arrogant and despises humans, he also commended the Arclights for sacrificing themselves, and he puts his true heart and loyalty out for the Barians. To add onto this, after acquiring his true memories, Mizael is adamant that he is still a creature of Chaos, and so he fights for Barian World despite his past leading him to be an Astral.

Yes, this isn’t a single case either. Alito was the first to recognize his past as a true Astral, yet he continues to fight for Barian World. Nasch is the strongest case for this, as he willingly chose to be a Barian. Chaos is not synonymous with evil. 

But back to Mizael. Mizael is someone who is dead-set on being a Barian no matter the circumstance. He fights for Barian World from what he knows of that world. He knows that his people aren’t evil (look, Barian World got Iris, alright) and he knows that Barian World is where his cherished allies and companions live. He lived as a Barian Emperor for possibly thousands of years. His commitment and love for dragons is also his most commendable trait. Mizael is a man who puts his trust in dragons, good or bad. Despite being a creature of Chaos, he also bears certain Cosmos traits. 

The same could be said for Kaito too. Kaito is supposed to be of the Cosmos as indicated by his usage of Prime Photon Dragon, yet his passion is much weaker than Mizael. Bluntly put, Kaito is selfish. The show states this. He uses Photon Dragon not out of respect for dragons but because it ended up being the easiest path to save Haruto and Dr. Faker. He lacks the heart that would make him a true Astral. 

The characters change. 

Mizael sheds a tear for an enemy, a repulsive human of all things, and Kaito wants them to meet again one day not as enemies but as friends. 

They represent both worlds, but they can meet in the middle too.

This nuisance is why I think Jinlon exists as the creature guiding them towards this fight. He brings out the Parity between Cosmos and Chaos. He not only finds two souls that represent both worlds, but also how both worlds can intermix. 

And hey, Kaito won the Moon Duel, essentially winning the future for Astral World. But it was Mizael who made it out alive. In a way, there was no true winner of the Moon Duel.

I wanna get back to this image right here.  

I could talk about how Tachyon Dragon is based on tachyon particles, which are hypothetical particles faster than light, and how Photon Dragon represents light through photon particles, or how Dragluon is based off of gluons, the elementary exchange particles that are essential for the force binding neutrons and protons together, the atoms that make matter and life possible.

But you know um. I’m actually not that smart and am not qualified to talk about those relationships.

Yet, I think it’s telling that the three dragons representing the Three Worlds emit a yellow glow as they awaken the Numeron Dragon.

When the Numeron Dragon made the Universe and the Numeron Code, it did not want a clash between Cosmos and Chaos to see who deserves to survive. It didn’t want its creations to destroy each other. It wanted them to clash on the Moon so they can prove that despite the war, despite the hatred, despite the meddling, both sides are capable of finding Parity, that peace is possible between them, that Kaito and Mizael can meet eye-to-eye and sympathize with each other.  The dragons were no longer fighting as Cosmos or Chaos but as Parity.

The Numeron Dragon will only grant access to the Numeron Code to the persons that are worthy of it. In the end, Mizael and Kaito were both worthy of obtaining “Number 100: Numeron Dragon” because they proved themselves as people capable of Parity. 

Call me a dreamer, but I think that’s why the final fight belongs to the characters that represent the Three Worlds. Nasch of the Barians, Kaito who wields the power of the Astrals, and not Yuma or Astral but Zexal III, the strongest combination of Chaos and Cosmos. 

These three worlds are able to work together to defeat Don Thousand, a person who would’ve used the Numeron Code for only destruction and personal gain. 

Kaito and Zexal III (although I’m not sure if this is different from Yuma and Astral as individuals, ceremonial duel and all) is explanatory in their stance on Parity, but Nasch is the outlier since he would’ve used the Numeron Code to destroy Astral World, or maybe he has some other motive if he had won the duel. Nasch saw the destruction of Astral World as a necessary evil for the survival of Barian World, but he also seemed okay with losing. It’s possible that he might’ve found a different way for all worlds to coexist had he won. So does the duel with Nasch afterwards ruin the duel with Don Thousand? Who knows. That depends on what value you see from that duel. 

(And not to get into a rant, but part of me wished the final boss was a Dark-Zexal-esque Morph between Eliphas and Don Thousand, the corrupted combination of two Gods with selfish intents fighting against Nasch, Zexal III, and Kaito. Like mmmm) 

I derailed quite a bit from talking about Jinlon and Mizael and the Ruins, but I find it so fascinating how much these two characters reveal about the world of Zexal.

[mikeshanlon]

iwwv anon and PHEW OK. I def did not expect that essay and now I feel bad cause I KNOW my thots r not gonna be articulate or right. nonetheless! i think Oliver does qualify as an unreliable narrator cause hes. very oblivious but not like... Richard papen (who is a whole ass clown don't get me started on tsh) but not like addy from dare me(I will support till the day I die that dare me is da like I WILL die on this hill) who sees what she wants to see. 1/?

i think he just... thinks that his friends r diff ppl than they actually r? that doesnt rly make sense but yea. what I mean is that everything the characters do is coated in that empathetic view Oliver has which is usually wrong? so we don't get an objective look into the characters. meredith is my girl like I love the hot popular girl trope deconstruction but at the end of the book she's not at a great place like she's w someone that doesn't love her like she needs to be loved... 2/

I guess the most probable ending is that James never meets Oliver again and that everyone is kinda stuck on what happened but that's soo sad and I really don't want to think abt it. ngl iwwv wasn't like my fave book ever and I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with dark academia sometimes but what i rly liked abt the book is that despite how fucked up everyone is and how toxic they r to each other they do at heart care abt one another...3/

like I rly liked that esp cause at that point the only other da book (other than dare me!) that I had read was tsh and godd every character is so fuckinh annoying and they all hate each other. i was super confused by it till I saw someone saying that it's satire and I felt my mind explode. I feel like this is so long but I didnt rly properly answer all you wrote sorry! I think its a pretty good book tho it has some crazy quotes like hold awn Im gonna look at the highlighted stuff on my copy.. 4/

Were you in love with him?” “Yes,” [...]Yes, I was.” It’s not the whole truth. The whole truth is, I’m in love with him still. LIKEEE PHEWW OK OK OK. WE OUT HERE. that line literally made me go crazy. I'm so sorry for any spelling mistakes or like general mistakes I made here English isn't my first language, it's 1am and I wrote this in the notes app w/o looking it over. so like.. NOT a professional review lemme tell you. 5/5

 Ahh im so sorry I did not see this before I yeeted for a month!!!

Oooh okay first of all dare me as a DA… I’ve only watched the show but like yeah I see the Elements for sure.

Also yeah I can understand what you mean abt Oliver being an unreliable narrator now… Ig my view of unreliable was more like they are purposefully twisting the truth or omitting facts or just literally don’t know shit but I get how personal bias can make the narrator unreliable. I do think the assertion that Oliver thinks his friends are different than they actually are makes sense. He sees James in a very positive light and though I like James a lot and think he is better than, like, Richard, he definitely has darker moments and manipulates Oliver at times (again I’d like to think it’s not the most nefarious thing in the world but like him just being shitty bc he’s in a dark place and he one, wants to do anything he can so Oliver doesn’t figure out he fought Richard so Oliver still thinks of him the same way/bc he knows Oliver would do something stupid like get himself arrested for James; and two, is very jealous that Oliver is with Meredith after Richard dies and has sort of a somewhat positive outcome from Richard’s death versus James being riddled with guilt and anger). And yeah, the probable ending is they never meet but I refuse to acknowledge that so LGNRG. Also that line makes me go CRAZZZZZZZZZZY!!! There are so many great lines, both using Shakespeare and on their own and its like okay give me a moment im going bonkers…

Personally, I haven’t read that many dark academia novels yet (bc for some reason i can barely finish a book rn sigh) but the concept interests me. I think what’s compelling is the setting/atmosphere of like ~mysterious college vibes~, and the idea of a sort of niche, obsessive bond and pursuit of knowledge with a tight knit group of friends (and the like inherent homoeroticism in every single DA elrngenrg). Like Dead Poet’s Society (the film I haven’t read the book) isn’t Dark in the same way most other dark academia is by like, obsession and death and manipulation (though of course there are dark elements with Neil’s storyline), but I think the other building blocks of academia are present there in a more wholesome way and you can see why people are drawn to that idea. As for the more Dark aspects I think it’s interesting to analyze things like group psyche, obsession, manipulation, etc, like what went wrong for everything to take such a dark turn???

 But, like everything else, it really has to be done well or else its just like okay….… I’ve tried to read TSH twice and I may try again but from the 100+ ish pages I read I totally get what you mean. IWWV is so interesting to me bc the characters are all very compelling and multifaceted and I like that they are a close friendship, we come in after 4 years of them spending all the time together and to me that is apparent. Like you said, we can see fissures and problems especially as the novel continues but there is care there between them. That also makes the decision to let Richard die much more interesting and sinister imo, as well as how all of them interact with each other after he dies, and how the roles of the group change without their “leader” so to speak. Also, maybe it’s just bc I like Shakespeare, but I think the academia part of IWWV is so much more accessible compared to TSH. Like I don’t know every Shakespeare play or anything so I didn’t understand every nuance or was like immediately like oh this is from Cymbeline or whatever the fuck, but you could understand the gist of things and it made sense that they spoke in Shakespeare lines bc that’s all they’ve been doing for four years and also theatre kids are Like That. Their pretention also provided any Layers to the story, like the parallels between the characters they play and their own arcs, how some of the lines echoed their own thots, foreshadowed, or they were able to say things through Shakespeare (I’m thinking of like, Oliver realized he loved James during Romeo and Juliet, the foreshadowing that James was going to ruin Richard’s life and that he dislikes Meredith/Richard when he quotes Mercutio at the start “A plague o’ both your houses”, the exchange Oliver and James had onstage and had that kiss during King Lear before Oliver was arrested,etc.) (Also I think the structure of some of the dialogue being formatted like a play really helped make it feel more realistic and immersive). Versus TSH which is just so pedantic and dense and hard to follow at times im like I get they are smart but what??? And maybe that’s part of the satire aspect (or maybe im dumb) but like donna I read TGF I know you are pretentious and info dump abt random obscure shit anyways so erglknerg. Like to me there was a Point to all of the academic Shakespeare stuff in IWWV and it was the soul of the book, and M.L. Rio made it very interesting—like the way that the directors reimagined the plays and had Julius Caesar be like a modern political play, the cool mirror shit in King Lear, the Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet performances where they did them at events and interacted with their environments (which were one of my favorite parts of the books bc I just think that concept is so interesting), etc. For TSH the shit they did literally just felt like “okay look at them they’re smart see you can’t even keep up!” like okay… I felt lost a lot and only like snapped into reality whenever Henry (?) was like oh… murder….. and even then I was like idk what this dude is saying but like he’s being darksided LMAO. And I also agree that it’s just like… Richard being thrown in the middle of this group could lend itself to some cool ideas but its hard to believe that he fits into the friendship group and hes just like hell yeah I love Greek so much and lets go kill this guy other than like okay ur gay and stupid and just want to impress Henry or whatever his name was (which he was but I digress). It’s just not as impactful to me as this close friend group falling apart. Ik TSH fans might be angry if they see this (and of course I haven’t finished the book so my perception may be warped but I also kno many ppl felt that way u did) bc I’ve seen ppl say IWWV is just like TSH but “lackluster” or whatever and while I can see some parallels (mostly b/w Richard and Henry and Alexander and Francis), I really think M.L. Rio expanded upon common DA tropes and the interesting parts of TSH but made it her own and interesting and oh yeah there are actually multiple compelling female characters and LGBT characters (and no incest)!!!

[littlemisssquiggles]

Hi! So I know that at the beginning of the vol Whitley stans were very adamant about NOT having Whitley a villian but right now I'm a little open to the idea. His set up could go down the villain origin route and it would likely make a lot of sense. We didn't want Whitley to be a villain bc we thought he would be written as a mini Jacques. What would your thoughts be if Whitley was turned a villain, but bc of what's happened to him, and not bc he's a mini Jacques? Do you think it could happen?

Hello anon-chan. Here’s the thing with that idea. I used to be open to thethought of Whitley potentially playing villain…but only as an accomplice to Jacques in his crimes. 

Once upon a time, I shared a Whit-tyheadcanon describing a scenario in which Whitleyhad unlocked his Schnee family semblance, giving Jacques a golden opportunityto exploit his son’s newfound abilities and his grandfather’s powerful familybloodline for his own selfish gain. Since the World of Remnant episode on theSchnee Dust Company teased a secret criminal underbelly connected to thebusiness involving nefarious schemes against competitors and abuse of Faunuslabour, I was banking on the story delving more into that for Weiss’ side ofthe story for the Atlas Arc.

Unfortunately, the PLOT for V7 neverreally touched upon the topic of Faunus abuse or any of the other crimes of theSDC.

As a matter of fact, all that was previousestablished groundwork seemed to have been rolled into Jacques one plot to workwith Watts in order to gain a seat for himself on the ruling Council of Atlasand…that was it. Sure, we got to see Jacques get his just desserts by beingarrested but that was mostly for assisting Watts by granting him access toAtlas’ and Mantle’s key mainframe. Even now, there still hasn’t been any moreproper acknowledgement of the Faunus abuse under the SDC as teased last seasonby Adam Taurus’ revealed scar.

The conclusion with Jacques is anotherexample of the PLOT providing the audience with an outcome without anot-so-good build up to it. It’s like eating a cheeseburger without the meatand cheese. All you get is the two dry buns. While it’s edible and serviceable toyour hungering appetite, it’s still not as good as it could have been if youhad the filling to complete the full burger you were expecting; y’know what Imean? This is how this subplot felt to me. I got the intriguing beginning andthe befitting ending but the middle that should’ve better sold ending for meleft more to be desired, in my opinion. But that’s just me.

Anyways, going back to Whitley, why Ibring up the Crimes of the SDC, I was originally opened to the idea of Whitleytemporarily playing the villain role as a means of helping his father. Heck Ieven had one idea that I never shared in which Whitley was blackmailed intohelping the villains capture our heroes as a means of protecting his familyinclusive of his father.

However given how the show has wrappedup this subplot, I’m not for Whit temporarily playing villain anymore. What Imostly wish for Whit right now is for himand Weiss to reconcile their relationship and start things on a new page. With the PLOT having Willow urge Weiss to look out for heryounger brother, I’m banking on them delivering on that; possibly going forwardtoward V8.

Like imagineif…by the end of V7, with Jacques now inthe custody of the authorities charged for his crimes, Willow decides to checkherself into rehab so that she could finally get help for her alcoholism. Sonow with all of his family leaving him behind, Whitley is even more alone thanhe ever was before and it takes a toll on him emotionally. During this time,Weiss attempts to extend an olive branch to Whit. However each time Weiss makesan attempt for her and Whit to finally connect, Whit shoots down Weiss’propositions; metaphorically slamming the door on the two potentially sharing agood relationship. I likedthis idea since it synonymously hearkens back to the timeduring V4 when Whitley extended help to Weiss only to have her use hersemblance to slam the door on his face. While I know Whit approaching Weiss backthen was right after she had been punished by Jacques and accused him ofmanipulating her, nonetheless, I’d still like to think that Whit genuinelywanted to help his sister back then only to have her refuse him.

So if Weiss were to do the same withWhit right now, I’m certain he would slam the door in on her. As a matter offact, I can even picture Whit being less willing to have any kind of associationwith Weiss especially since she was the one responsible for their father’simprisonment.

Instead of there being a villain subplotwith Whit, I’d much rather watch Weiss try and be a better, more supportive bigsister for her little brother and have the plot focus on her working to repairtheir bond; possibly even with flashbacks to their childhood together.

Plus I don’t want Whit to be a villainsince it would more or less lend to the impression that folks originally had ofhim. As a Whit myself, I’d like to believe that part of the reason why Whitleystans don’t favour the villain angle with him is because it plays into the FNDMassumption that Whitleywas going to turn out exactly like his father–-as you said, a mini-Jacques Schnee.

It is for this reason why I fell inlove with the idea of Whitley unlocking his family semblance. It could give himsomething to connect with his sisters on since Whit’s original belief was thathe was exactly like their father. It’d be interesting if in the end, Whit isactually no different from his sisters as he shares in their power. Who knows?Perhaps this could’ve even lent to Weiss training Whitley on how to use hispowers, similar to how Winter taught her.

I’d also loved to think that growing upWeiss was also trained by her grandfather: Nicholas Schnee. As a matter offact, I like the idea of Weiss originally being trained on her powers by Nickbut after he passed away, Winter—who had already joined the military at thetime—returned to take over her sister’s training in Nick’s place and that’show the two were able to bond.

I also have this idea in my head where whenWhitley was younger, he used to be more like Nicholas in terms of personalityand thus this lent to him and Weiss originally being close as children untiltheir father forced a wedge between them the instant Nick has passed away. Orsomething like that. I just thought it would’ve been nice to see Whitley beingtrained to use his powers, gaining a different impression of his family powerand his sister’s desire to become a huntsman. While Whit still doesn’t become ahuntsman himself, his main takeaway ends up being his newfound appreciation forthe huntsman and what they represent as inspired by his older sister. I likedthe idea of Whitley taking over as CEO of the SDC but through his time withWeiss, he is reminded of the side of him that had more in common with NicholasSchnee than all the Schnee Siblings. So basically the SDC undergoes a return toform with Whit as its new head; mirroring the same level of brilliance andcompassion that his grandfather once had. That’s one idea.

As a Whit, part of the reason I eventuallylatched onto his character was because I felt sympathetic toward Whitley. I never really pegged him as the manipulativelittle bastard that the PLOT wanted me to believe he was after V4 especiallysince I reviewed that whole volume and realized that Whitley had done nothingto deserve the backlash he received from both his sister and the FNDM.

I always liked to idea of Whit beingmore of a misunderstood character and even now, I still believe that. If I had to picturethe villain card being played for Whitley, I can only see it from the angle ofWhit being a pawn— manipulated by other more antagonistic characters preying onhis vulnerability and insecurities surrounding his relationship with his familyto use Whit to achieve their own selfish desires. At least as a pawn Ican still empathize with Whit over him just going flat out evil.

This is why I liked my original headcanon of Whit unintentionally unlocking his own abilities and Jacquestaking advantage of his semblance to bank on more success for himself. But sinceJacques’ out, so is that idea. 

The one concept I’m willing to chum up to now asan alternative is one where an emotionally vulnerable Whitley; starved forproper support and attention by the women in his life, is seduced byNeopolitan and manipulated into helping her and Cinder somehow.

I’m still waiting for that so-called “super-duper irredeemable thing” that Neo does to shock the FNDM that was teased last V6. Still notsure where folks heard that rumour but I’m waiting on it. It’d be interestingif Neo gets her mittens on Whit and preys on him especially if he is very vulnerable right now.

I don’t know how old Neo is supposed tobe. I keep hearing people imply that she’s supposed to be young, probablyaround the same age as our young heroes. Cinder even called her ‘girl’ backin V6. If I had to guess Neo’s age, she’s probably around 18-19 years old for theyoungest.

And if I had to guess Whitley’s age, I’vealways pegged him as being around the same age as Ruby. Some folks peg Whit tobe closer to Oscar’s age but for me, I more placed Whitley between Ruby and Oscarleaning closer to Ruby’s age. So if Ruby’s currently 17 years old, I peg Whitto be probably be around 16-17.

That being said, I’m picturing ascenario where Cinder convinces Neo to chum up to Whit; play into using herfeminine wilds to makefriends with Whitley especially now that he’sall alone with not even mommy dearest to really look out for him. Not saying this willbe a possibility. I mean I can’t even picture a prospective PLOT motive for Neoand Cinder to even need Whitley.

Outside of Ruby, the only other personI can picture Fire andIce-cream targeting is the Winter Maiden. Andunless the hospital facility Fria is currently housed in is somehow connected tothe Schnee Dust Company then I can’t really see a reason to have Whitley beaffiliated with Neo and Cinder. If Weiss Schnee had been Neo’s target insteadof Ruby then I could’ve easily seen Neo getting to Weiss through manipulatingher little brother; sparking furthertension between the Schnee Siblings.

However that’s not the case. I dunno.

I think for now I’m just going to stickwith my earlier aspiration. Just having the PLOT more focus on rebuilding Weissand Whitley’s relationship and let that be the focal point of their conjoinedstory. Toss in the idea of Whitley unlocking his semblance and being unable tocontrol his powers leading to Weiss having to help him get that under controldespite their tension and that could be a cool subplot to see play out. I’drather that than Whit being a villain entirely.

A pawn, maybe. But not a villain. Even with all that’s happened to him now, I wouldn’t expect that of Whit. That’s my verdict anon-chan.

~LittleMissSquiggles(2020)

[askullandbones]

Hi, thx so much... ugh, where do I start? I hope this doesnt seem too open or anything. Basically, Ive been having some problems with my best friend. Were both in 2nd-year uni and we go to school in diff cities. Weve been close since we started high school. And I love her, and shes usually my goto person to talk to or shoulder to cry on. But the thing is, shes much more social and Im not. She was my only friend in high school and while shes still closest with me she had others. (1/?)

Now in uni she still has tons of friends and I haven't really been able to make any. We havent rlly drifted apart but our convos are mostly limited to FB texts. Shes now rooming with another friend & I just have this crippling fear of being replaced. Bc it would be so much easier for her. And sometimes she does things that are sort of weird. I feel like im always shifting plans to suit her needs. She doesnt respond to half of what I text her. (2/3) (3 is the limit I promise, so sorry!)

Ive also begun a big Undertale fic and Im super excited about it, but even tho I've started posting it she doesnt seem to want to read it, she said she might someitme "if she has time" & "if shes bored." Which hurts. I tried to talk to her abt all this stuff last year, but she seems to have... forgotten. & I feel so bad & dont know how to deal with it, much as i ❤ her i dont always like the way she treats me. Its so hard to tell the line b/w actual worry and bein whiny. (3/4 sorry!!!!)

I know she has her own stuff going on and I try to be there for her but its so hard. Parts of me have stopped caring about her stuff as much as I should which I KNOW is awful of me as a friend, like when she told me the girl she loved didnt love her back, stuff like that, and I just dont know what to do. My loneliness has gone into hyperdrive basically, and its very confusing. Am I just being self pitying? Any advice would mean so so much to me. (4/4 I am SO SORRY for spamming you with this)

Wow this got long. Gonna put it under a cut.

Hey. Hey? First, deep breath. This might seem like the end of the world, but it isn’t. Trust me.

When you reach this point in your life your whole social dynamic is going to shift into what I’ll call ‘adult friends’. When you went to school it was super easy to make friends (or easier than it is now), because you were put in a small group of people your age and you were basically forced to interact. You might still have some of that in college, but it’s much less forced. The things that held you together with your peers isn’t really guaranteed as much to be there anymore.

First thing you need to tell yourself is that friends typically don’t get ‘replaced’ when you’re older. At least, not if you’ve stopped acting like a kid. Most of the time the friends you had in highschool are just gonna... drift apart. It happens all the time and it’s natural.

And while I can’t relate, I know a lot of people just have a large circle of friends they talk to about various things. Each friend has a different appeal. It’s not so much ‘replacing’ as it is ‘adding’.

Now I won’t speak for your friend, but from what you do mention about her not being flexible and not responding to texts, it could be a whole host of things. Maybe her schedule is just super rigid. Maybe she just forgets to respond to your texts, especially if she’s got about five different other people she’s talking to. Maybe she has nothing to say. Unfortunately these are things you’re probably going to have to talk to her about if they’re bothering you. Friendships thrive on communication.

As for her not getting into your fic... it might hurt? But try not to let it bother you.

When I was getting into Undertale and back on the writing bus I did the same thing with a friend of mine. While she’s always been supportive, she never really wanted to read it even if I asked what she thought, and after awhile I realized it just wasn’t something I could really engage with her back and forth with. She just didn’t know what to ask, didn’t really want to read a subject she knew very little about.

It hurt a little at first, but then I just realized she didn’t have the same interest in it as I did. I just sorta pushed it to the side when it came to talking to her even though it was such a big thing in my life. Instead of saying “I’m working on this Undertale fic omg you wouldn’t believe what--” I’d change how I worded what I wanted to say to be a little less restrictive. Instead I would say “I’m working on some writing and these characters are being--”

See the difference? The second is much more inclusive to someone who has no idea what the fuck Undertale is. They can still engage. I can’t force her to enjoy something I do just like she can’t force me to enjoy something she does.

And no, you are not being self-pitying. You’re worried about a friendship you cherish. You’re worried about how your friend treats you. You’re worried that things are coming between the two of you. You care enough about this friend that you don’t want to lose them, but that also means you’re going to have to work on it. You’re gonna have some awkward, intense moments coming up even if they’re scary.

You gotta be brave.

What you need to do is think. Think about your friendship. You mentioned that you think she treats you bad sometimes. Make a list of the things she does that make you feel bad. Can’t come up with an answer as to why she might do these things? Ask her. Bring it up. It’s scary, but if she values your friendship she’ll listen and you two can work things out.

But friendship is a two-way street. There are ways you can improve too. Find interests you share. Try not to feel bad when she doesn’t like the same things anymore, you’re both starting to grow up and get different interests.

Set boundaries and stick to them. You say you’re always shifting your plans and not the other way around. Stop. Put your foot down. Say no, you can’t shift these around. Don’t bend to her whims all the time. Set a hard line. She will work with you and bend her own plans too if your friendship is valued.

Most importantly though, as scary as it is, don’t be afraid that you two might just be drifting apart. A lot of friendships end after highschool and most of them aren’t because of fights. They’re just... from drifting apart. It might seem like you won’t find more friends, but you will.

I’ve been friends with the same girl since I was a teenager. She lives in Canada. I love her so, so much. When I got a divorce and she started college again we kinda just... didn’t talk much. We used to talk every single day but we didn’t anymore and that bothered the fuck out of me. I thought we were drifting apart, and in a way we kinda have.

She has a boyfriend she plays games with a lot, games that I don’t enjoy. I like to roleplay and write and play games that she doesn’t enjoy. She’s busy as fuck and I’m absolutely incompetent at conversations half the time. We don’t have all the same interests anymore and sometimes we go a full week without saying a word to each other, and we both realize things have changed a bit, but it hasn’t changed how we feel about one another. We still love each other a lot.

College is when you’re going to start to realize that, maybe, a lot of your friends you make are gonna be online. Chatrooms. Games. Writing. Roleplaying. They’re gonna scatter the globe. I have friends from Canada to the states to Indonesia and Germany. I visit the friends within an hour of me maybe... once or twice a month. That’s fine with me. It doesn’t bother me much. I talk to one friend I had in highschool maybe... once every... three months? I don’t hate them, I just don’t have much in common with them anymore. It happens.

But I should wrap this up.

Breathe. Take a nice, deep breathe. This isn’t the end of the world even if it’s scary and you wish you didn’t have to deal with it. You’ll survive even if the outcome is the worst thing you can imagine.

Friendships change over time.

Communicate your feelings.

Evaluate your own role in the relationship and if you need to make some changes too.

Set hard boundaries.

If you need more advice, I’m here.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 14 - “Maybe i should be careful what I wish for nxt time” - Owen

What the motherfucking ass shit was that. Who in their right mind would let it slip so that Ian/Devon would play an idol. And then Matt playing the idol, first of all wtf I didn't know he had an idol. But god damn that was messy. I'm shook that Maynor and I didn't get any votes in the revote, but wow that paints a target on our backs which is the last thing I want. It makes me feel great about where I'm at with the people I've been talking to and even those outside the alliance. So this is both good and bad but wow messy. Ahhhh I still don't know how to feel, but if that revote tied then maynor and i would've gone to rocks and been out since it would only be us and yeet there I go.

I feel super shitty for doing that to Corey. I don't even know if it was the right thing to do, but I didn't want to have to use my tiebreaker yet and if it had tied I was not about to let Timmy/Maynor go home. I never wanted to turn on Corey in this game but the way this merge has turned out ugh idk. I had to make a choice and I had to choose the group of  people I feel comfortable with over the group of people I'm only tied to because of Corey. It was shitty all around. I'm sorry Corey, I know you're going to be mad at me but asdfkjhf fuck i love u :((( god im shit. okaythat was actually kind of crazy tho and I'm honestly a little happy it went down like that? two idols OUT OF HERE! and that ian idol couldve been so fucked up later on. matt's idol gone got me happy af too. I feel closer with timmy and maynor after this round and hopefully matt knows he cann trust me for not blowin up on him about his HIDDEN IDOL!!!!  madison and I got closer a little this vote too. I'm glad she was on the same page as me. It's a little awkward to deal with the aftermath of devon and ian. especially with corey or cullan coming back.... cullan I can deal with but corey not so much. thats gonna suck. i still got my idol i still got my tiebreaker and a threat is still leaving either way. but now when the pieces rearrange next vote I gotta work hard to pull them together in my favor. kjDFHSKJSF goooooooooooooooooooooooood idk. that wa swild. i said at tribal that the game was gonna blow up soon. maybe i should be careful what I wish for nxt time lmao

Oh... WIG guess this tribal popped the hell awf. At the time of my last confessional I had no intention of playing my idol, but things were just so tense and quiet that I knew it should be done, but boy did I not know how badly it needed to be. Now I’m more scared than ever with like 3 pissed off people and all the eyes on me for having a secret idol. Guess it’s time for everyone to stop playing quiet, easy games, and time to go the heck crazy.

Annnnnd that was the worst possible outcome from that round. I inadvertently idol'd out my closest ally. My game could potentially be over, this very well be my first ever double digit placement in the 9 orgs I have played, but if I'm going out then it's not before I do the only move I got left. I've shared all my information I have been sitting on about Owen/Kait and by extension Matt, how they are aligned with Thomas and Madison. All I can do is let the others make informed decisions on how they think this game can be played best for them. If they choose to let the power team continue to run it for them then that's their prerogative. It's all I have left. At the very least I didn't go home with an idol in my pocket and I didn't burn it without needing to use it.

So last night, I wanted to die after the votes became 0-0. Me and Timmy had a 1/3 shot of going home but we some how managed to get zero votes against us. I felt really bad about voting for Corey. He was someone i really liked and was working with but we got to different sides. Now ian has some interesting info that Owen and Kait are part of an alliance with Thomas & Madison and also had devon and corey. Idk which side they are most loyal to because they sided with us this time but they could easily flip to other side if they wanted to. I need to keep an eye on them thats for sure.  

---

What the hell, 11 idols in play!? Like this twist is crazy. I want and need to find my idol. There is no excuse. I really need it to make sure im here after tribal. Like idk care who its getting votes as long as im safe.

I have so many feelings on this immunity challenge. Mainly I'm pissed because I don't have an idol clue because I got second so technically I didn't bite Chips so he didn't get a clue for me which sucks because like people like me I guess so I'm pretty much punished for that. As a result it could be easy to vote for me since I have a disadvantage in finding my idol since I don't have the clue. I'm scared because of that since what I learned after last tribal is spicy (and i'll make another confessional about that tomorrow) so I don't even know what to do at tribal and I'm just hoping it's not me. But I didn't give Thomas his clue so hopefully that will help me since he won't know where to look either so that's an advantage for me because I have absolutely no reason to give him his clue, we don't talk. I'm not going to help someone else while subsequently actively hurting myself. At times I also want to try looking at spots for other people to try and get their idol so I know that they won't have it...but that's just a maybe.

---

I’m heated and I can’t even do much about it because of the nature of this round. Kait, Owen, and Matt think their sitting so pretty and I’m fucking sick of it. Here I thought I was doing well and hearing shit about them and now seeing it first hand is ridiculous. Owen is kind of slipping up with that trio and here’s why. Owen told me that kait and Matt found their idols, so I messaged both of them asking how their hunt is going. Kait hasn’t answered yet but Matt says “If I get up at 9am and guess every hour I’ll find it” because he’s “figured out the math”. Bitch i already know you have it and now you’re just lying to my face. Like we’re in an alliance together but I guess that doesn’t mean shit to you. I’m assuming Owen even probably has his idol and is lying to me. I feel so stuck because i can’t make a move this round due to the idols, but I’m probably going this round due to not having a fucking idol clue because of the bullshit this challenge was.

---

OH OH KAIT JUST ANSWERED “no luck lol I suck” WOWOWOW AND SHE HAD EVEN SAID SHE WOULD HELP ME FIND MINE. Fucking fake people i can’t stand them.

THIS WHOLE IDOL THING GOT ME CRACKT OUT MY MIND LMAOOOOOO HSKSHDJDJDHD FORST OF ALL!!!!!!! I hate that tommy gave immunity to chips and not Timmy. Why wouldn’t tommy pick someone more likely to give him his clue????? Ugh. SECOND OF ALL. Literally fuck madison and Maynor for giving Devon and Ian their clues. What the fuck were they actually thinking !?!?!?!? Everyone with a clue is gonna find their idol unless they’re stupid or someone else finds it first so like.... idk I genuinely don’t get it. I think Maynor just wasn’t thinking and madison was tryna be social with Devon idek. I’m mad about it and it makes me want madison outta here. Not Maynor tho bc he’s precious and I luv him. Third thing why does Devon think I’m going to believe any guess he sends me nnnnnnn like he sent me matt and Kait random coordaintes that apparently weren’t it. I replied to Devon being like ‘e9 is miss too hehe’ and then realized I shouldn’t tell him where I’m searching and panicked and sent ‘omg typo meant r9 oops!’ Hskshdjdjdh Fourth KAIT FOUND MT IDOL SHSHDHD AND THEN WOULDNT GIVE UT TO ME AND I ACCIDENTSLLTNPOSTED ABOUT IT IN THE TEIBE CHAG AND KEPT IT THERE FOR A MINUTE IM SO STUPID. Literally started crying after. I’m like I can’t velieve I did that but if only my roommate hadn’t woken me up singing I’d still be ASLEEO RN AND NOT FUCKING UP. Or if Kait had just Given ME!!!! Oh my god like I’m rlly embarrassed and if they didn’t know Kait and I were tight before they sure do now! Tommy and Timmy are the only ones without clues. It’s kinda fucked that chips didn’t get a clue for Timmy grrrr. I rlly don’t want either of them to go but if I gotta I guess it needs to be Thomas. But I can tell Kait wants thomasnto stay....

---

God I love when the dumb bitch disease flares up 

Having idol make me happy, but I’m probably gonna end up losing a number, that being either Thomas or Timmy. I can’t even figure out who I want to go out of those two and I hope maybe Ian doesn’t have his? It’s very strange trying to come down from the last vote without really having the chance to vote anyone besides who’s available.

Honestly this challenge probably could not have come at a better time, just about everyone has their idol so people feel more free to talk since we're all "safe" but if Timmy goes instead of Thomas my game could still be in trouble. The beauty of this round for me is that I planted the seeds about Owen/Kait/Madison/Thomas alliance before the challenge even began, then they played it out exactly how they would and Timmy at least took notice. Timmy has become woke, that's why I absolutely need him to stay, I can't say for sure if Chips is on the wavelength but Maynor seems to be since he shared my clue, albeit late, but he did. I could still end up tenth but if that alliance burns to the ground then I have done what I needed to in this game. I also talked things over with Mateo, we might work together down the line, we might not. At the very least I expressed why I felt we had beef at the beginning of merge and that I was willing to turn a new leaf with him. 

So this is a crazy round obviously. I really think the trio approach really helped but finding all those idols myself was crazy. Still don’t feel safe in this game for now, going to be a crazy night. 

I’m so stressed!!! Like I don’t want to go home on a twist round, that already happened in Virgin Islands, like been there done that already. I have Thomas’ idol so I know he doesn’t have it, thank god. People are saying their voting Thomas, but I have no reason to believe them bc they have been lying to me so much. I only trust maynor so if I see after the season that he was lying to me...I’m going to be hurt, like genuinely hurt for a while because he knows how much I trust him. These past 2 rounds have been taxing on my stability and I want to make a move but with the nature of this round, i can’t.

There were barely any vote talk this round. I found my idol and Im playing it on myself. Im trying to find Timmy’s we only have 2 more guesses. Thomas is the target this round which okay with me because he hasnt been talking to me all that much so dont think he’ll be a good ally moving forward. This round has been not chaptic like last round.

So this vote has a lot for me to cover. Last time, I was voted out alongside Corey. However, after a 3 1/2 hour endurance challenge, I fought my way back into the game with an idol and a legacy only the jury know about! Coming back into the game there was a challenge which chips won immunity. There was also a twist where everyone had to search the grid for their own idols where I found mine and will be immune at tonight’s vote. From what I know, Thomas does not have his idol therefore will be the person I am voting for and hopefully he goes home and I don’t get blindsided again

in a shocking turn of events...... i love tommy so much i'm so sad at the prospect of him leaving. 

Well I am very fucking pissed at the moment. Timmy wanted to keep the fucking idol clue away from me and I wasn't able to find a fucking idol. Now I am going to be going home because of it. I just got to get this off my chest, THIS SEASON HAS BEEN SHITTY! I love traditional Survivor gameplay and stuff like the warzone and the everyone gets an idol twist like Oprah gives everyone a car twist is unnecessary. Like what the fuck! I've been in several ORGs but, no offense to Alyssa, Johnny, and Monty, this has been the worse ORG I have been apart of. I was able to meet Kait, Maynor and Chloe but those were the only posituve things from this ORG aside from a few challenge ideas I got for my ORG. That is it. Peace y'all.

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 8: “jay, I don't know who to trust anymore“ - Zest

Brianna

Okay Marie got voted out cuz Felix idoled Joey and that shit and I’m really upset about it. I think I just. Need to remain calm tho. I don’t need to freak out just cuz something didn’t go my way. I believe I’m still in a relatively good spot in the game and can still do some damage if I play my cards right. The only question is to who. The big targets now are Felix and Apollo in my opinion. How to get them out and remain safe is the question. Guess I have some thinking to do. Cya : ) 

Felix

I played an idol correctly for once in my life. This is actually the biggest gag of the century because it saved my ally and now I have at least some numbers left. Flint, Joey, and Lysandre are all numbers for me. I also think Boris is one too, but all Sumi people just rub me the wrong way. Next round will be interesting because we need to get rid of someone from Sumi because they are gaining traction quickly. Though, I doubt that people will remain loyal to that tribe alliance. I mainly want to target either Zest/Brianna/Apollo. They have got to go. This is an independent game, but I'm stuck in a position where I have to work with my old tribe. Yet, I can still gain the trust of Boris and Lysandre. I don't think I can EVER work with Apollo/Brianna/Zest. The latter two because I just don't talk to them enough. The former because I literally cannot trust his word. These three are the biggest threats to my game and they need to go. My order would now be Zest > Brianna > Apollo. My FTC could be with either Lys/Joey or Flint/Joey. All I know is that Joey is coming with me to FTC because he is the goat to end all goats.

Flint

WOW that tribal was wild. I did not expect Felix to have that many advantages. And that transparency one?! That really exposed me for flipping on our Tuai alliance. Just when I thought I couldn’t be any lower, here I am sitting in the grave I dug myself. Hope Marie keeps a slice of pizza warm for me cuz I’ll be joining her soon. 

Apollo

Ya bitch just found a motha fucking idol!!!! I’m fucking screaming!!!

zest

jay, I don't know who to trust anymore. I am a ball of stress. I want to stay in this competition. I need to figure something out. 

Felix

It is interesting to me that Lysandre chose Boris over me in the last round for immunity. To me that means he did not want me to ever win immunity in the first place. Thus, I must be a target for this tribal council which does not surprise me at all. I did, after all, just make a huge move and shook up the game so it comes as no surprise that people would begin targeting me. I do not believe that I can convince Zest or Brianna to vote my way, so there's no point in talking to them about the vote. I want to go for Apollo in this vote, but I do not know if I would have the numbers to do so. Honestly Flint can go now if he is so inclined, but we need to do something about this Brianna/Zest/Apollo alliance that I know is around. Apollo probably wants to take them to the end rather than Boris since they are major goats in this game. Maybe we should strip him of his numbers first before actually striking at him. Plus, Zest or Brianna would be a stronger pill to swallow for people to vote out. All in all, my plan remains the same though I doubt that without this immunity that I will make it much farther in this game. 

Lysandre

So the challenge is a chain reaction and I'm trying to set my list up to who I want to win vs who I Dont want to win. I mixed the Boris in at the top with the Taui folk.

Lysandre

My target for this round is Briana or Zest! And honestly even Apollo but idk about him yet. Lets see how the list challenge goes first. LysandreSo I put Felix as number two on tbe list so I cab show my trust to him and I think it worked out. ONG I FREAKING WON THIS CHALLENGE. AT final 8!!! I did that ugh my social game I love that whore. And the JURY voted for me to win it since there was a tie!! I am beyond ecstatic 

Lysandre

So winning immunity is both a blessing and a curse. It shows that I'm a little bit of a social threat as well as challenge threat and they see that now in how I was positioned on the lists (by thinking really hard about it lol). I also got the Jury's vote which says that between me and Boris they support me more which gives me more fuel to take Boris to the end of the game with me along with say Joey. I also came to the conclusion that it was Apollo and Zest who put me somewhere in the middle of their list or presumably under eachother and Boris which leads me to believe they are Sumi strong. I believe this is enough for me to try and target Zest this round. She's not playing the game for herself and she's in no way loyal to me. Apollo, however, seems to want to take me further than a few people so he can stay for now. All I have to do is cut out his ride or die Zest and I possibly take that spot. My eyes are still on Apollo since he has some sort of advantage and my eyes are on Flint who has this alliance with Brianna.. 

Lysandre

On second thought I may have to get Apollo out this round. He still has an advantage and is more of a threat than Zest. However, if he goes then Zest has to be next. My only concern is Boris and where his head is at the moment. I think it would be easier to get him to do Zest versus Apollo but if we DO vote out Zest Apollo is gonna be pissed and may turn on me. 

Flint

Well I botched another immunity challenge. That’s 3 for 3 now. No one has talked with me, and after my failed flip I’m getting paranoid I’m being voted out tonight. 

Apollo

Is Lysandre a politician? Do they think they’re Yul Kwon? Hell no! Because you’re about to get clockt in two rounds sweaty! I want them out so bad, I want them out now but I can’t.

Apollo

Idk if I’ve confessed since Marie Went  home but omg I can’t really complain about it, I’m not that mad! Lol. It’s upsetting the three amigos are still in but Marie was a bigger detriment to have in the game than Joey could ever be. I’m starting to consider working with Felix over Lysandre since I found out lysandre is in 5 alliances. And that’s more than I’m even in. BorisLysandre is amazing and i would die for them

Boris

So much is going ON. Marie was idoled out but i don't care bc I kinda wanted her gone anyway. Ive been at pride all weekend so I havent been able to be around much. Apollo is controlling as always. Lysandre and I are still a power couple. Felix is an icon. I forget flint and Joey exist sometimes. Brianna is ok. Zest is ok Jay had to threaten me to get me to confess so sorry this sucks lmao. Ill do better confessionals once pride weekend is over! LysandreSo it looks like the votes for Zest are coming in quite nicely and its going to be her. Apparently Apollo is sketched out by me and thinks I'm in the best position in the game... Ok??? You're right and all but ok??? You're too loud lmao

Felix

Alright so I hope the vote is Zest. Everyone is telling me that it is Zest or Flint. Apollo wants Flint gone. Everyone else wants Zest gone. It's a wild time. I'm just happy that neither my name nor Joey's name is being said during this round. It must mean we did something right this round to not be targeted as hard as we should be. Either way, I'll be here for another round unless I get idoled out, but that is unlikely to happen. Lys told me some interesting things today. Flint is heavily working with Brianna as a sort of duo that wants to make it to the end. This is interesting considering that Flint told me that he is the most distant with Brianna. I think Flint was lying to me, and he was just testing me with who I want out. If I had said the wrong name, then he would have begun targeting me this round. Luckily I already knew his relations with Brianna so I didn't say the wrong name. Though, that duo should be something to watch out for, though they are no present threat to me. This means that allegiances, the real ones, exist like this: Lys and I Joey and I Apollo and Zest Flint and Brianna Boris is the only one who I feel is an actual free agent in this game which puts him in a dangerous position for me. If he does decide to betray me, he can easily rally the votes against me. Though I need him at the present moment, so I cannot start targeting him. It is interesting to note however, I'm not going to stalk the idol hunt. It's too many outcomes for no rewards. Plus, I've already used three of them so I shouldn't have more. Good luck to me I guess.

Felix

Apollo is trying to vote out Flint which is still weird. He really seems to want to split the vote though which is super strange. I don't like how he is playing and I am just going to vote out Zest to keep myself safe this tribal council. Plus, she was totally @'ing me in the chat with her tribal answer which is fair enough, but that means the sooner she leaves the sooner I'll be safe.

Boris

Apollo thinks I'm still loyal to the f3 alliance of us and Zest but I personally like Felix and Lysandre more so uh oops. Felix and Lys want Zest out because shes simply just a loyal number to Apollo without any other game influence. And HONESTLY I agree so im voting Zest, but this is kinda cementing it to Apollo that im more loyal to others than him, so uh yeah Im scared !!

Flint

Tonight’s vote is a gesture to gain favor and trust back from Felix and Joey. I hate to vote for Zest but I need to prove my loyalty. But I think Felix has this game in the bag if he makes it to the end, which a lot of people are starting to realize. So it’s tough to balance a big move and lose Felix’s trust again or be considered a player that only rides Felix’s coattails and doesn’t play strategically. 

Felix

Apollo is going on and on about how Lys is secretly working the middle and that he's manipulating everyone. Let me be clear. It's obvious to me that this is what Lys is doing. I mean what else is he supposed to do? He has no Mea tribe members so he has to go and appease everyone on this tribe for a right to be in the game. Then there's Joey who believes Lys and Apollo are working together to take us both down which I don't believe. What I do believe is that Lys is putting his trust into me and is loyal to me. He's playing a fantastic game as of the moment, but I cannot get him out because he's a number for me. I need those numbers to take down Apollo. And then Boris. I just hope Lys does end up keeping me around because I'm placing a lot of trust in him.

Lysandre

So apparently there is a last minute scramble to trash my name on Apollos behalf. He revealed that I was in 5 alliances and is saying I'm a big ole threat since I was at the top of almost everyone's lists. I mean he's right but guess what baby boy I'm immune and your partner Zest soap is not. Lets see if you keep this same energy next round.

Brianna

Um so. I wake up from my 2 hour nap at 8:50 and now there’s a voting extension. Apollo told me he doesn’t know if people are voting Felix or flint. Flint tells me everyone’s name except Apollo’s was thrown out. And lysandre tells me they’re voting zest....I kind of...don’t know what’s going on....I wish Marie was here. She could’ve told me. So guess I’m voting? I don’t know. Felix? Might change in the next fifteen minutes 

joey g

So this round has been bonkers. I reached out to Lys and Felix because I needed to secure a trust going forward, but I’ve also reached out more to the Sumis as well. I really didnt want to vote zest, but felix is sorta running the show and I think that’s what Lyse wanted. Apparently its between Flint and Zest, but I cant say I feel comfortable at all

Brianna

Lysandre just told me apollo is targeting me...oop...

Brianna

Guess I’m trying to get zest out now! Lol 

Flint

I’ve heard that Tuai is using my name as a decoy which makes me really paranoid for tonight’s vote. I wish I had some security but that idol is so hard to find

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #10- “Is Cheatham actually high regularly or is it just a figment of his imagination?”- Sara

that was such a HARD tribal for me. i loved having noah on my side and stuff but also i know he would be one of the ppl to make a big move on me if he stayed . its getting harder and harder for each vote . i just gotta stay focused and hope my alliance stays strong another round or two . tumblr survivor gods i hope your pulling for me!

Austin and Vincent have to be testing me. I dont get why Austin is playing dumb with me or why he act like he didn't know. According to Vincent Austin was in on it. I mean regardless I know who Im just wanting to stick with but yeah, the weird jumped out. Cheatham is also saying this was a week or so then went MIA so thats cool

(LATER)

Austin and Vincent are coming off super sketchy. I mean it is nothing new with Austin, but Vincent oof. I dont mind it all that much because of who I prefer to go with, but it is interesting. If these guys are coordinated then, well, seems uncoordinated

(LATER)

So right now Austin, Cheatham, and Vincent have added me to a chat I guess to work together. I actually worry I am not Natalie Anderson, but Sierra Dawn Thomas Worlds Apart. Nonetheless, I think its smart for me to wait til F7 or so to make the move against Austin/Cheatham. I can't allow enough time to pass for the idol to bite me in my butt!

(LATER)

I now see that Austin probably thinks he can manipulate me, so I have to time when I vote him perfectly. Him feigning ignorance on the Noah vote tells me he likely feels I'm naive enough to believe him and hey people do prefer to keep the ones around they feel are lesser than themselves!

(LATER)

Ive had a change of heart- I think now Kyle is going to get dragged by people, however, I strongly believe he would choose me over anyone so its just a matter of navigating 6 tribals

Inane ramblings from Vincent's cf, dated 3 AM on December 26, formatted terribly bc this cf is dated 3:06 AM on December 26: >i'm looking ahead to the future >austin is likely going to want liam out >bc when he said he wanted to make a move he'd have to mean one of them >them being liam/am/sara >and as far as i can tell liam is being perceived as the glue >so if he goes then am/sara become lone wolves who are easier to manipulate >however if liam stays then the other one, maybe am, is linked with them and they will be mad at austin for doing this >so those are numbers on our side >my previous boot order (EDITOR'S NOTE: never discussed in a cf, but will be discussed at length later) changed due to the unexpected development that austin is willing to flip on his group >however i'll note now that there is a very good chance he's faking >although if he is i can't imagine why he'd put his true allies in such blatant danger when kyle is literally right there as a vote >*person to vote >so let's say 5-3 vote up next >me/cheatham/austin/chris/kyle all against liam's trio >ideally voting out sara >bc she is the messiest and the one i trust least >my goal will be to convince the others that this is the best vote >liam and i are good and he is my decoy f2 >too early for goat stuff but am is a better goat than sara imo >just keeping my options open >liam/cheatham/annmarie could easily each be in my f2 >but not in a "ideal f4" way >so if austin is with me for this vote then he should at least appear to establish further connections with me >he can't do anything without one of chris and cheatham >or kyle i guess >kyle is easily the most expendable of those 3 >so to limit austin's options we need to vote kyle >we >my old boot order is more or less the same >just kyle vote goes from getting austin's trust back to weakening him >then at f6 cheatham chris and i stick together >vote out am unless liam becomes dark horse threat >f5 austin goes >f4 chris >f3 liam >then maybe i win >wow this seems so real >like usually in orgs when i'm at the merge im like'well maybe it's still possible that i could maybe end up at the ftc but lmao imagine getting votes' >oh no i'm becoming overconfident >wow meeting noah in jury again is going to be awkward huh No matter how I place this is honestly one of my better confessionals. Either full of dramatic irony and I look stupid or I win and I look good. One outcome is significantly more likely than the other, of course. But neither isn't so bad, is it?

God I feel this challenge is gonna stir up so much shit! I just hope my target dont get bigger because of it.

Where I stand now is that Austin is very willing to have Kyle go this round quote unquote, but what is to say he may not actually want somebody else? It is interesting seeing him discuss his perception and everything. I guess he cannot help but try to downplay himself, but I feel the ship has sailed for him and now it is only a matter of time. Watch him pull a W

(LATER)

I can't wait for someone to get offended by this Touchy Subjects challenge. I know I won't. If anything, I'll just adapt with it! I also feel like now, it's important to see how AnnMarie and Sara handle things from here on out- either they're willing to try and go for Austin/Cheatham/Vincent, or they'll settle for Kyle. If this happens to go the way I think, I may end up as a potential swing in F7, but I sure as heck am not about to be like Miss Sarah Lacina Cop-Turned-Criminal in Cagayan. No Ma'am! I'm not ever feeling safe until I'm sitting in the Final 2

(LATER)

So Austin asks me for a name and I am like ok I dont mind if it is Kyle unless you guys are up to do someone else. Austin proceeds to say he wants to have options and just wants a name and I'm. It really feels like a bit of a bait just to go to X to say I said their name. I could be wrong but its just weird becaise I haven't heard him say a name yet

(LATER)

Austin! Do not think that Ive forgotten your leaky faucet ways! Like that's the odd thing about it- Austin has shown what he is capable of and it is just weird of him to press about this when I know he has lied to me before. Like right now I literally told him I am fine with anyone going and his response was to know who I actually want out. I really don't know what he wants me to say other than a name to implicate myself but nuh uh! Not I!

(LATER)

The way it looks, I can make the move to get Liam out but I highly doubt I will last much longer. All it will take after that is to say Chris did X lets do him  and so I want to try and wait at least to chat to Kyle. I also want to see how willing AnnMarie and Sara are willing to talk about this vote instead of waiting. I definitely do not want Cheatham/Austin/Vincent all in F6 or at worse F5 however that is easier said than done for this lot

Wowza, Cheatham is playing hard now. SO, basically the votes are supposed to go 6-2, Chris being voted out. Now I do not wanna go any further with Sara, AM, and Liam bc they will take out me and Austin first. So I talked with Chris and now there is a 4 person alliance with Austin, Me, Chris, and Vincent. Im going to use my idol on Chris and then Chris and Kyle will vote out one of the others. Kyle is a wild card and we don't wanna tell him EXACTLY what's going on because he is kinda crazy. So we are thinking about having Vincent vote with Chris to ensure that one of the others go home. This is yet again ANOTHER big move on my part. Im getting worried that people will think that I'm the biggest threat with MORE idols in my hand and doing all the big moves. All I can do is wait. If I keep winning individual immunity like this week then I'm golden.

I think I've had an epiphany and it took talking to Cheatham to figure it out. Apparently I am the vote for tonight, though he wants to do something I've been wanting Cheatham to do in this merge and that is take advantage of the idol system- in doing so he gains a lot of leverage and I felt disppointed that he wasn't optimizing it. Having that said, I think I got a little sad because he told me people feel like I never give a name and truth be told I don't and it is a mistake on my end. I feel like I'm so scared to say a name because it failed miserably for me in the first half of this game and now that I don't do it anymore, people use it as a reason to vote me out. I do feel like its like I can't win with these people, but I want to change as much as I can to give myself a chance

(LATER)

HI am seeing that Austin, Cheatham, and even Vincent legitimately want to work with me and so perhaps I should consider going with them. The question with this vote is how I do I go about it. I've already named Sara because I have the most reason to do her AND I know Austin/Cheatham lowkey wanted her so its a win win for all of us, but it would be interesting to split it if the idol were used on me. Regardless, I just want this to end greatly for me, be that new start to a Chris that has what it will take to make it to the end and win.

I have...lots of questions right now... Am I being voted out tonight? Wouldn't surprise me. Does AnnMarie have a f2 w/ Austin? Cuz I accidentally caught her in something the other day where she told me she knew Austin was asking others for finals. But it might have been an accident because I mentioned that Austin asked for us 2 in a f3 with him....never said f2. Is Cheatham actually high regularly or is it just a figment of his imagination? Why do people get weird and quiet when they're planning a blindside or change loyalties? I literally brought this up to Liam last night a while after results. Gwen/Rizo/Chris did this exact same thing. It's Survivor. Lie and make a move if you have to. I'd respect that a whole lot more. Ignoring people is just shit jury management and I'll totally call Cheatham out at tribal now if I go! At least Vincent gave me an ANSWER! *Giggle* And also...is Austin actually that nice or is it game? Cuz I lit dunno if I'll ever be able to write his name down if that's really his personality. x)

Cheatham wants to invent a situation in which he would play his idol and gain full access to two others. This really feels like a resume padding thing more than a legitimate move out of necessity, because we have the numbers to vote out our target now, and there's no reason that would change any time soon. To me, this solidifies that Cheatham really can't make it to the end, just like Austin. Ideally I want to be able to choose between Liam and Chris because I think I have an ok shot against them both, and it's reasonable for both of them to make it very far. Of course it's the final 8 so it's still way too early to think about the end, but I definitely can't take Austin or Cheatham with me bc they both have a good shot at winning against me.

Sara me and Liam are apparently a strong group so there are plans to usurp our place on the throne! I'm watching a documentary about Queen Elizabeth while writing this. Cheatham apparently wants us gone as well, which hurts. I thought he was with me. I guess not. That is all.

So this round is insane, originally it was gonna be Chris but apparently Cheatham is gonna idol him so we’re having to take out the biggest goat in this game, which is so annoying, but if it must be done to save Sara so I have a shot at making it to the end then so be it. There’s still so much game to play so I need to make the most outta it.

5 votes Kyle (w/ self-vote), 2 votes Sara, 1 vote Chris (negated by idol.)