#i think its my bad memories
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I forgot April Fool’s day was a holiday
#maddie speaks#its a bad holiday#i dont care if this makes me on the same level of some 40 year old mom who dances to ABBA and is a head member of the PTA#its boring or at least blah#i admit the most fun i ever did on this day#i april fooled my family by glueing googly eyes on all the containers in the fridge#it was silly and everyone had a good laugh#i think its my bad memories#when humor is used against you when you’re the joke its not funny#do not send anything to me that isnt a rick roll#or else I’m mailing you to Alcatraz via cargo ship
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wont have time to work on anything for a few days probably, so uh, since i love reading comments/tags of people sharing their experiences- as part of the preparation for the totk rant script i got another question to ask :3
if you dont like tears of the kingdom, was there a moment that "broke" you, as in, the moment you knew this game is worse than you thought/hoped, and if so what was it?
personally, while i was suspicious after seeing its last trailer, i told myself its just me again and i kept up my hopes for a long time into my playthrough- its hard to point to a specific point since it was a growing feeling of something being off, things didnt make sense and i ever so more wondered how they would pull this all together (they didnt)- i do think the moment i stopped being in denial about it was when i found the shrine of life, the beginning of botw, and found .. nothing, a dingy cave practically licked clean of any traces of the shiekah tech like it never existed, instead of the medical bed a pathetic puddle of water that healed you, no one caring at all, like it actually never happened- i felt like the game pointed and laughed at me for caring about botw, pretty sure i was struggeling to keep it together on stream bc it forced me to realize this game truly is everything i hoped it wouldnt be, even if that sounds a little weird, at that time zelda and especially botw was so much more important to me, a passion for the franchise this game really did end up killing.
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk critical#i probably wont be gettign as much response as back when it was newer and the rage was fresh (lol)#but you know#its interesting to know that#to be fair the game was filled with disappointments but i think that part was what really broke me#in the sense of .... well as i explained#okay this is bad ... is it gonna get worse (it will)#idk it was so devasting to stand in that stupid cave and all there was was what .. one dumbass construct with a yiga thing?#in a “secret” extra cave#and i think there was a big sea of healing water beneath it in the undergroudn as well#which felt like even more of a FUCK YOU to me bc oh .. so the sonau/zonai discovered that first like everything apparently#and also i guess it wasnt shiekah tech that made it possible no no its just dumbass healing water shuuuuut up#i hate how totk basically undermines everythign the shiekah achieved by saying - well the sonau were there first and did it better#on top of kinda .. stealing their symbols too in a way#anyway- other than in skitties video and for them that moment being the labyrinths which ... yeah#i think i went there later so i was already in >:( mood#i dont remember anyone elses but that might be my memory- either way im gonna keep this posts link so i can go back if need to
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While still fixated on TMNT at large, I am especially not able to stop thinking about Bad End Ninja Turtles, an au comic by @butterfilledpockets. 2003's "Same as it Never Was" Raph may not have ever experienced the Ninja Tribunal arc, AND I don't think Rise movie Leo still has his powers, so maybe this was just as much of a surprise for the both of them as it was for Ronin. at least we know for sursies Don-bot has seen magic shit before.
#teenage mutant ninja turtles#TMNT#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2012#Tmnt the last ronin#rise of the tmnt#future leo#The last Ronin#bad end ninja turtles#It is surprisingly hard to find refs of Raph in either his tribunal markings or his dragon form so this is from super low res crispy fuckin#jpegs and my precious childhood memories.#I think Rise Leo is probably extremely used to dodging a raph who can double his size in seconds#his ancient little brother instincts kicked in#Same as it never was is still my fav 03 episode its so good#Digital#sketches
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ME WHEN I MIX MY TWO FAVORITE PIECES OF MEDIAA
(this is a recreation of this scene from Infinity train book 3!)
youtube
Also bonus because if u know you know. :)
#narilamb#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#my art#my comics#no crown here bc its the camera dude lmao#also i was thinking of how with the ichor narinder can summon a weapon#ive read somewhere maybe it was bamsara's fic idk bad memory lmao#if i had a nickle for everytime i have a piece of media that its about a cult i had two nickels#which isnt a lot but its weird it happened twice
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I'm not getting into The Giving Tree discourse...
#personal#delete later#idk i just saw a post of the “alternate ending” comic on my dash and everyone praising it as an improvement and “fixing” the original#which i kinda resent#while tulli and i was taking my nephew to a book store we walked around the kids section and found the giving tree and we read through it#and i was so stricken by how profoundly sad it is. it's not a happy story#in the end both versions tell the exact same lesson. but one flat out tells you and the other makes you sit with a pit in your stomach#and work to find the answer#i dunno it's kids literature but kids literature is important. i don't wanna discredit anyone's bad memories with the book but also i think#sometimes it's ok to make kids a bit sad and upset with fiction.#tweet that goes “what if romeo and juliet didn't kill themselves and explained to the audience that family feuds are bad”#idk you can't seriously read the original book as an adult and say it's glorifying self-martyrdom#when the final drawing of the book is of an old tired man sitting on arotting stump with his hat fallen to the ground#again i don't wanna invalidate people's feelings if they enjoy the alt version i think it's really nice too. but the original has its#purpose too. imagine if at the end of the lorax they show that the boy did it and replanted the world happy ending#wait they did that in the movie shit#i dunno i just love somber children's literature. tulli and i are talking about moomin right now and how the series ends with the moomin#family just leaving. and nobody gets to say goodbye to them. their friends have to find ways to live with the emptiness they've left behin
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dude. my life fucking rules. feathered velociraptor shleich figurine for $2 at the op shop. captain of one of my favourite ferries complimented my shirt TWICE (and we are now introduced!). new friend waved me over to sit next to her in a lecture. found a way to make my pony collection even more enjoyable. sky was so beautiful it was a crazy pale blue and there were cirrus clouds catching the sun. the ocean looked like molten green glass. I'm going swimming in the sea and having lunch with a few friends in a weeks time. I've earned 500 dollars this week just from my art which is a milestone I didn't expect to hit without joining a company. I'm not feeling as fatigued as usual. it rained in the morning which was really lovely. I thought I was going to be super late for uni but I made it right on time. I'm kind of in love with the world today
#listen to my gibberish boy#all of these are small things. some of them you have to consciously notice e.g. the sky. the sea. the rain#one of them is just 'not being late'. but my god. everything together amounts for so much#maybe silly but noting down all the good things that happen to me during the day has been absolutely incredible for my mental health#I'm so serious. its a big reason I went from crying every day to crying maybe once a month. you NEED to look for the tiny good.#the tiny good is always there. even if your life is miserable. maybe the water you drank was refreshing. maybe you talked to a friend#maybe you had a nice dream. or watched a funny video.#everything good that happens to you. notice it. think about it when it happens. it's crazy how big of a difference it can make sometimes#so much of misery or happiness is perception. if you tell yourself 'today was a horrible day so much went wrong' then in your mind#it will become a horrible day forever. not to say you can't have bad days#I have bad days fairly often! it's just that I try not to give the shit things too much attention#like ALSO today. my fever kept going. I had a stomach ache. I had to catch up on 3 hours of lectures. I tripped on my way through uni.#but if I dwell on those things they'll become a permanent part of my memory of today. you sometimes have the choice to remember or forget#certain things. try it for a few weeks [: it might make a difference
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looked up a list of canonical aromantic characters because i wanted to make an mv and laugh cried because the list genuinely like. 5 names long
#its sooo so bad out here for real. i mean i knew but. being confronted with the full list really brought it home lol#i only looked it up because i was struggling to think of examples on my own and i wondered if i forgot any. turns out that's just cuz there#arent any ! my memory is fine.#aromantic#aro#mossy posts
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lair
#art#rumarot#sketch#dragon#dragon art#presenting fanart of my favorite childhood game- the ps3 game called lair#this game. my god. this game is the highlight of my childhood#i was quite young when i played it so my memory is a bit skewed yeah but it was so good#i know of the gameplay control issues and etc but man. i just cant say its bad. the art style is just so. me lol#i was OBSESSED with dragons when i was little. still am just branched out more#i think about it on the occasion and i miss it dearly and think of it very fondly#lair ps3#i used a bunch of screenshots and my memory for reference because theres so little about it. understandably
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[Echo 1x05 / Daredevil: Born Again 1x01]
#Marvel#Daredevil#DaredevilEdit#Born Again#Echo#EchoEdit#Wilson Fisk#Maya Lopez#My GIFs#I hate that Fisk's character has had a major life event and most people don't even know#Maya took away all the negative emotions associated with his past#thus affecting his current self and outlook#So many of his previous on-screen appearances were driven by the killing of his father and everything which followed#“When I was a boy” is a meme for a reason#He still has the memories but the pain and anger are gone#Which took away a lot of his identity and left him disoriented#He spent months trying to make sense of himself (would love to see a flashback of these travels-- Japan yes?)#and he's not lying when he says he's a different man than he was in Daredevil‚ Hawkeye‚ or Echo#Will he engage in criminality again? Yeah no doubt#But it's not because he was lying the whole time#It's because this new man will fail in the same way#I wish I could broadcast this to the fandom because Marvel did a crappy job explaining it#and it hinges on the idea that everyone watched Echo#Everybody dismisses him because “Fisk is bad man”#And he is. But he's also the most interesting‚ well-written bad man Marvel has (one of its most interesting characters period)#AND NO ONE SEES IT#Sometimes I think this fandom doesn't deserve my guy
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Who had the worst time aboard the TARDIS?
TOURNAMENT MASTERPOST
#genuinely vote peri#i've not seen all of her stories but my god from what i've seen the 80s writers hated her#there are some stories where she'd probably be better off dead#she seems to be in a constant living torturous hell with 6 being constantly nasty too her#this poor woman#okay specific example#her first trip after her introduction (recounted from memory so some details my be wrong)#she and the doctor unknowingly touch a poisonous plant which will kill them slowly and painfully (but fast enough she almost dies by the en#so great they need to find a cure#which is horrendously difficult to find in the best of circumstances#but these aren't the best of circumstances#they get taken hostage pretty quickly and very nearly get executed by firing squad#they get rescued by one of the most unnerving villains i think in the entire show#he creeps on peri constantly#like he gets as close to assaulting her as its possible to depict on tea time telly#and peri can't do anything about it#her life is entirely in this guys hands#like most of the time i find caves of androzani the be so hyperviolent as to be funny#but jesus christ the shit they put peri through in it#anyway by the end she's so ill the doctor has to drag her near lifeless body back to the tardis#gives her the cure and then promptly regenerates#and now peri's nice friendly doctor is uhh tv 6#bad times: quarters
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling on…
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation
…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation
Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:
“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!
And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
--
*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le#it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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I have some Dratchet fic recs I’d like to share
1. https://archiveofourown.org/works/54977557
Raison D'etre is the #1 Ratchlock/Dratchet fic imo. NSFW
2. https://archiveofourown.org/works/46914406
I’ll Run to You is a lovely write up about con claims
3. https://archiveofourown.org/works/42123510/chapters/105756021
A Million Ways to Say Goodbye is a great time loop fic about the Overlord incident
4. https://archiveofourown.org/works/39251835
If You Gave Me a Chance, I Would Take It is my favorite depiction of a Dratchet first time. NSFW.
5. https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723308
Permanent is an interesting Ratchlock AU
6. https://archiveofourown.org/works/26667709/chapters/65040016
The Call of the White Wolf is a Witcher AU. NSFW.
7. https://archiveofourown.org/works/28573515
My Totally Real Mary Sue Husband Who Lives Back On Cybertron is a very cute TFA dratchet fic.
8. https://archiveofourown.org/works/37930039/chapters/94724686
Defiance of Consequence has great action with Dratchet fighting the DJD.
9. https://archiveofourown.org/works/61919158
Bathed in the Spark Light of a 'Con is cute Ratchlock and Dratchet.
10. https://archiveofourown.org/works/39446718#main
Return the Promise is another TFA Ratchlock/Dratchet fic.
11. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16480994/chapters/38597048
Lost and Lonely Space is a great Ratchlock having to survive together fic. NSFW.
12. https://archiveofourown.org/works/50264764/chapters/126970843
Between Friends is a cool fic based off JRo’s notebooks/original idea for MTMTE. NSFW.
13. https://archiveofourown.org/works/4653288/chapters/10614360
Risk It All is funny, cute, and romantic. NSFW.
14. https://archiveofourown.org/works/2453852/chapters/5438591
A Helping Hand is a guilty pleasure of mine due to Ratchet spending his heat with Rodimus and the fall out from that. NSFW.
PUMPS FIST IN AIR!!! DRATCHET!!!!!!
WAHH thank u for all the recs!!!! so many <3333 ehehehehe... i think ive read a few of these but my god u bet im gonna read em again. theres also plenty i HAVEN'T read yet so im gonna eat thru these tyvm!!!!
thank u for the recs !!!! 💖💖
#i know for sure ive read the second one#i got really obsessed with con claims for a bit lol#i think its FASCINATING and COOL#and i THINK ive read raison d'etre but also i read the first bit and have only a soft recollection of it so maybe i never finished it :[#i havr. so many tabs open.#this will not help that fact but it does make me unreasonably happy shfjfbsk#inbox#anon#velwy.txt#fic recs#EDIT: NVM I HAVE READ THE FIRST ONE MY MEMORY IS JUST BAD#auugudhhdgh its so good. its so good!!!!!
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Back to school inspo ✨📚
#uhh basically study + run/lifting + more studying but its by the ocean#ive lived by the ocean my entire life but ive never studied there#mostly because its windy and sometimes smells bad lol#i do have “my spot” where i sit on the steps closest to the ocean and stare into the void while drinking an energy drink or something#thinking i should go there next week when i go back to school#maybe walk the beach or something if i have time#something more grounding because im very emotionally attached to places...#and since i wont be here this summer (for the first time in my life) i feel i must appreciate my hometown more#i have a year or two more before i leave this place for awhile and i want to remember every street and sit by the ocean close enough#to have the waves spray my face but only gently and only sometimes#and then in the summer ill get to know a new town but only for the summer and most likely never go back#another town by the water but not the ocean. with forests and freshwater lakes#itll be a lot colder despite being summer and i dont know if ill like it more or less than my hometown#i gues ive always kind of hated my hometown for not being “as good” as bigger cities. nothing to do here no one to care about...#but then i remember i grew up here and my friends are here i care about them#my memories are here and i care about that#going to the ocean in the winter and reading moominpapa and watching a play and getting rootbeer candy#slipping on the rocks and getting my shoes wet... but the water was a lot warmer than the air so i didnt mind too much until the sand#stuck to my shoes and i got the car dirty...#anyway#study#studyblr#student life#study motivation#study blog#journal#studyblr community#realistic studyblr#studying#studyspo
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Sometimes I think about hetalia and im like: hey man, what the fuck was all that? Who the fuck let that happen?
#and then i keep recovering memories abt really odd stuff#like. everything about this show seems absolutely radioactive#but like i was watching it as a kid and it wasnt until i was in high school that i started to b like... hm theres something#weird about this. what did adult anime watchers think abt the show? bc as an adult it about boggles my mind#like its such a bad idea on its face and the choice to set a lot of it in wwii with the axis powers like uncritically at its center#makes it even more fucking bazaar. i would absolutely watch a documentary delving into the history of the guy who created the show#the studios that allowed for producion of the manga and the anime and then the public perception#bc i was not really a fandom person when it was big. like i watched the show and read some fics but i didnt really interact with people#i only kno a few horrible things that fans did but im sure there was a lot of really weird stuff#just like. the more i think about it the more insane it seems#a cursed fandom fr#there r two words that make me cringe truely and deeply and one of those words is hetalia#the other is the unironic use of the word yaoi bc i grew up on the early 2010s where i can assure u it was used liberally and earnestly lol
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To be honest I don't really want mutuals who instantly assume I commented in bad faith to act "condescending" when I was nothing but light-hearted in disagreeing about a point in the post about one of the characters and agreed with everything else. 🤔 Especially not when I apparently pissed them off so much it made them post TWO (passive-aggressive) posts on the topic of disagreement afterwards instead of.... actual discussion? At least if I assume someone is being mean on purpose I ask them about it
#/vent#I softblocked them tbh#I mean apparently they think ill of me and thing I disagreed on is something they're passionate about#so I probably stepped on a landmine anyway and from my experience these can't be fixed#also it strongly reminded me of subparzero#they got hostile upon assuming I commented in bad faith for literally no reason#and then said I baited them for conflict over disagreeing at one djura point#and told me to go hang out with other neurodivergent folks instead#likewise entirely ignoring obvious signs of support and otherwise loving the post#so yeah having this bad memory resurface just. dealt massive mental damage.#I just don't now what's in such people's heads#I said I should stop vagueblogging about negative interactions lol#but honestly this made my blood pressure jump super high#needed almost an hour to calm down and type this#mostly because I'd think a *mutual* would not assume I am just here to trash on them#especially when there was no reason to!!!#at this rate I don't even actually want to know what in my comment was 'condescending'#either language barrier or autistic barrier the answer is always the same#something I physically can't fix so its whatever
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ok question before i drop these chapters this week, cuz i realize im not confident but, since the demigods can be conceived without actual copulation, do you think beryl/jupiter, ezperanza/hephaestus, or aphrodite/tristan fucked crazy or did the lost trio just appear
3 days, only true bunker9 stans will see this
im trying to think what the "else wise" would be. jason's a literal stork. leo appears in the fire. piper rises from the seafoam. lol. zeus is pretty fond of doing weird things to women, and i doubt tristan waited 9 months for piper. leo is questionable tbh. more in tags about my specific thoughts, but i wanna know what u guys are thinking
#here are my thoughts. i just need to know if that's also the idea:#beryl + zeus were having fun but beryl + jupiter was uncomfortable. they were crazy tho#esperanza + hephaestus were seriously in love i fear#and tristan makes me laugh. i just know he had this fun thing with a cute surfer girl at the beach and then bam. seafoam baby. his mortal#mind is doing fucking gymnastics with it. he remembers aphrodite faintly like a dream. i think he couldn't handle it so aphrodite#charmspeaked away the memories and constructed her own. which is really fucked up but even aphrodite is cruel#and honestly this lends well to piper wanting to know her mom because tristan sounds like he barely knows her. wow. im a genius. ok purrrrr#we know beryl + zeus was complicated as hell. but jason also HAD to happen. so b + z was just fun. but hear shows up mad#then she has to come back 3 years later because jason is the fucking prophecy child LOL so jupiter HAS to do it. i know hera hates her#i just know beryl got beef with juno that she acts like its normal and esperanza is like... girl please. please stop. this is bad.#it lends well to thalia's attitude but also jason's desire to please i guess... but tbh i think on jason's end that's more of a reflection#of how he grew up; not really beryl.... anyway in tlh hephaestus is oddly fond of esperanza and leo so i do think they had love the way#sally talks about poseidon. okay granted; this is also fitting into my EXTREMELY specific characterizations and au. but i think its#pointless to have these characterisations built off of nothing. so that's where i am with this. whew. anyway i just wanna know if yall thin#they were fucking those gods are what. the PROPHECY and HERA of it all is what REALLY gets me. it changes a lot for me personally#ok. i wasnt going to tag this but i realize this will come up again so.#beryl grace#esperanza valdez#tristan mclean#blog thesis#that'll do donkey... that'll do...#i just want to know before wednesday so i dont drop beryl grace fucking and everyone gasps. im considerate like that#😭😭😭😭😭 SPENDING MORE THOUGHT AND CARE ON THEIR PARENTS THAN I DID FOR LEO AND JASON IN THEIR OWN FIC 😭😭😭😭😭
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