#i think its a very specific kind of radiation

[kindred-spirit-93]

WHY is radiation used to cure cancer but can also causes it this is very whaaaa

ooo great question! as i understand it radiation therapy can be administered several ways (like internal and external), but in essence its essentially death star-ing the cancerous cells into oblivion. ofc its a very very controlled procedure, with plenty of tests and check ups before and after.

and the saying too much of anything is bad rings true here too, since radiation is a known mutagen, a precursor if you will to cancerous growth bc the dna gets all weird.

the same applies to chemo ofc, and whats collectively known as invasive procedures, in that as great as they are at doing their jobs its not without its fair share of risks.

and so that is how it heals but retains the capacity to harm my fren

disclaimer lol: i am but a humble medical student so anything i say is to be taken with an appropriate amount of salt. also to anyone reading more knowledable pls feel more than free to correct or share stuff :)

[darkcircles4lyfe]

it's a story about hands (reprise)

Yeah, okay, today's the day.

I gave my blog that title for a reason, you know, and it has loomed over me for years because the hand motif is absolutely everywhere and you could go on about it forever.

Maybe that's something I'll never actually attempt to do, but this chapter, we reached a breaking point.

Before I continue, I need to give a big, big disclaimer: I do not have a physical disability, so I'm not able to speak about that from the standpoint of representation as a first-hand perspective. I have at least listened to enough disabled people to know that fictional characters who become amputees only to miraculously gain their limbs back is, um, a trope. Disabled people in general being "healed" is a conception we would really prefer to avoid here. Not to call people out, but I don't think we're giving enough space to acknowledge that.

I don’t feel comfortable making the judgement call about what should happen. I’m leaving that open. I also don't want to downplay people's emotional reactions. Honestly, I don't know if I can accurately define the line between acknowledging real pain vs. ableist pity. But I’d like to talk about the possibilities of what could happen. Other characters have definitely gotten permanent disabilities as a result of their hero work, or even just the side effects of their quirk. But, for better or worse, I don't think this case is really about representation. Not that Horikoshi won't do that justice. He might. What I'm saying is that's not his purpose for having Izuku lose his arms. It's meant to be symbolic, so we can explore what it means. The other thing I’m keeping in mind here is that Horikoshi is notorious for playing with our expectations, like, alllllll the time. I mean, just take a few chapters ago for a classic example. Eri appeared at the end, and we all assumed she was about to take some sort of action to save someone with her quirk. Then, immediately following, we were given an explanation for why that wouldn’t be happening. And now it’s clear he wanted to do that “fake out” not just as a silly cliffhanger prank, but specifically so we would know not to suspect that Eri could be the miraculous solution to Izuku’s loss of his arms. Rest assured, there is no easy way out of this.

The expectation at play in this particular instance is an old one. It’s very understated, but its subtext has burned so brightly, you’d be a fool not to notice it. It sits with anticipation like one half of a call and response. Man, I was so certain. Lots of people still are. I was really looking forward to printing the panel where it happened onto a t shirt and wearing it proudly. All the hand motifs in this story radiate thematically from a single moment, the one that started it all for Izuku.

It raises all kinds of questions about the act of saving, who needs saving, why, what does it mean, what are the dynamics of power, politics, honesty, exploitation, compassion, pity, disdain, sacrifice. Katsuki has dealt with many of these since he first rejected Izuku’s hand. While Izuku was the one who was convinced Katsuki would keep on rejecting him…

…Katsuki was the one who kept that moment in his mind all these years and eventually came to regret it.

Katsuki is the one yearning for that hand-hold, the one who has imbued it with so much more weight than it ever originally had. Izuku, in contrast, does not allow himself to dwell on what he wants. To illustrate this difference, we need to look at another piece of foreshadowing:

Ugh, do y'all remember when lots of folks were complaining about how there never seemed to be actual consequences for Izuku's destructive treatment of his own body? I don't blame them, I was concerned and confused about it too. There were several "fixes" along the way. Recovery Girl healed him, but left a physical reminder. Then he started training to fight with his legs… sometimes. Then he got support items. All of these were unsatisfying non-conclusions because they didn't present Izuku with a lasting enough impression to change in a meaningful way. They didn't address his core, his origin.

Of course, that all changed this chapter. Now it looks like our frustration was inflicted intentionally. With the current context in mind, all of these moments look more sinister, like this day was always gonna come because they kept putting bandaids on a deep emotional and psychological wound. The problem is pretty much spelled out for us here:

As Katsuki put it, he just doesn’t take himself into account, ya know? He doesn’t care what happens to him. And he lies about it, to keep others from worrying, to keep them safe. To keep them from returning the favor and putting themselves in harm’s way for his sake. His motivations are noble,

…but what about the little boy inside Izuku? Who saves him?

This is all about Izuku giving himself up to the point that he literally has no more to give. The thing is, I bet he saw this coming. He knew his limits and decided to keep going anyway, because his personal safety and wellbeing are not important. Now that way of thinking has come back to bite him because the fight isn’t over yet, and he’s already made his sacrifice. So now we know who will be more distraught over this. Not Izuku—Katsuki.

It’s not about Izuku becoming disabled, it’s about how Katsuki wanted to use the intertwining of their fingers to communicate that he would never let go. Never stop valuing him most. Never let himself make the mistake of rejecting him again. Never let Izuku be so reckless with his life. To say: “we are in this together.”…if only Katsuki believed he deserved to be able to say such things. To reach out his hand would have been the ultimate way to simply imply them and let Izuku be the one to decide. Then, to feel their hands clasped together would be more than either of them dared hope for, but so beautiful, so right. A moment they’ve waited their whole lives for.

Yeah. That’s what we were expecting. We’ve been so comfortable. Horikoshi gave us all the signs. He tempted and teased us over and over. BUT. You know he does this thing were he gives us a desirable, completely plausible and simple thing to look forward to, and then he snatches it away. And THEN he replaces it with something much better, something we were not expecting at all because it seemed too good to be true. That’s exactly what happened when Himiko snatched Izuku away, and we were robbed of the chance to see him and Katsuki fight together. In hindsight, though, I’m glad things went a different way because now there’s so much more depth and angst on display. Likewise, in the present moment, we may consider how, as one door closes, another opens.

As wonderfully meaningful as the hand-hold would have been, perhaps it is still too simple a resolution for Izuku, for his and Katsuki’s relationship. Tbh, it could have been done like 100 chapter ago. At this point, there’s so much more potential. There are a couple of ways it could go. If Izuku stays armless, Katsuki will be forced to use other methods to get his point across. He’ll have to do something else, or say what he means, or both. Yes, I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about. If I say it, I just might jinx it (lol), but I mean it. I’m being serious. Either way, if Izuku did get his arms back in the end, I’m sure that it wouldn’t be an easy fix. It would be hard-won against Izuku’s self-destructive mindset, and/or by Katsuki’s conviction. Again, I say this knowing it is not meant so much as a representation of disability, but as a representation of Izuku’s greatest character flaw taken to the extreme. I know this might sound harsh, like, hasn’t he been through enough? I get that, but… I’ve said it before and I say it again: Izuku is stubborn as hell.

I wish I had a resounding final note to end this on, but I kinda don’t. I’m not sure what’s best. Now we just have to wait and see what Horikoshi has in mind.

[seraphicloves]

𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐢 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫

⊱✿⊰ summary: riddle's mother had many rules for him one of which: focus on studies and forget about love.

⊱✿⊰ warnings: forbidden love except its jst bc riddle is silly billy, i wanted this to be romeo and juliet coded kinda but it doesn't work that well. Omg unless i make it like reader if from the rival school and riddle loves her teheheheh ahem ignore that, reader is yuu and should be gn (correct me on mistakes but be nice or i will ignore u) mild spoilers for book one!

⊱✿⊰ notes: i have no notes bc i started rambling in the warning section uh i think im high off of oxygen. might make a part two idk confessions perhizzle??

riddle lived his life on certainty. he woke up every morning, knowing exactly what he would wear and eat. he knew who would be troublesome and what classes he would be attending. he knew everything down to each very specific detail. which led him to believe in one more certainty: he was allergic to you.

he had to be! why else would his heartbeat accelerate so quickly? why else would his hands feel all prickly and warm whenever you grabbed them because your excitment bubbled out of you. why else would his stomach feel like it was being dropped to his feet whenever you smiled at anybody else other than him? it was the only logical decision.

"uh, no riddle. you're in love." trey had commented one day, after the housewarden had finished complaining about his strange encounters with you. riddle assumed trey was joking, riddle didn't fall in love! he had studies and other important things to do, he had no time for such foolish affairs.

he felt his gaze follow your movements across the dining hall, as you dished out some tuna for grim to eat. riddle grimaced, internally cursing himself for his face heating up. stupid allergic reaction.

he just about flung his lunch tray when you spotted him, bouncing merrily over. he was going to die and you were the causation. surely there was some sort of rule you were breaking for making him feel so entirely insane. it was like being overblotted again except this times it because you were sending him to an early grave.

"hi, riddle!" you giggled, plopping down in the seat beside him. how could a magicless being trapped in the wrong world be so merry and joyful? how were you so....beautiful?

riddle clenched his fist at the sudden thought he had, accidentally squeezing the juice box he had in his hand and making the liquid come squirting out. he gasped at the sudden sticky mess, his cheeks turning as bright as the roses the queen loved so much. how dreadful.

"hello, [reader]." he said, trying to stop his voice from shaking. you didn't notice anything, thank the great seven for that. although you were still looking at him strangely for the juice mess he had created.

effortlessly you grabbed some napkins, cleaning up the table before grabbing his hand to clean the liquids on him. he froze, every nerve ending in his hand getting immediately set on fire.

abruptly riddle stood up, knocking the napkins out of your head accidentally. with a curt thanks he scurried off, walking stiffly like his muscles has suddenly turned to concrete.

with steam practically radiating off his face he marched to his room, trying to prevent the allergic reaction from taking dire affect. he had to be rid of all relations with you, he must! or else surely he would die from your close proximity or your melodic laugh or your pretty face or-

see, you were even deluding his thoughts. whatever disease you have cursed upon him was nothing less than burdensome. he needed to be rid of it, of you immediately.

lori © 2024. please don't copy, modify, or do anything weird with my writing! i like reblogs and comments but please be kind as this was my writing.

[cloudshapedpatch]

Burgers and Lilies

Reth x Reader one shot

(canon compliant, no spoilers, ft. Shepp!Hassian)

Rated Teen for some spicy stuff at the end ;)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Y/N’s hands were steady as she pulled the arrow back, feeling the pull of the bow deep in her shoulder, just like Hassian had taught her. The wind was gentle, rustling her hair and the grass gently as she focused on her prey. She knelt there, still as a tree, lining up the shot. The unsuspecting chapaa wouldn’t feel a thing. 

She heard a rustle in the grass behind her, and the chapaa must have heard it too, because it perked its ears, chirped, and ran in the opposite direction. 

“Sorry.” She heard a sweet voice behind her, and she could never be mad when he sounded so genuinely remorseful. 

“Its okay, Reth.” Y/N lowered the bow and put the arrow back in its holding case with the rest. She stood then, and turned around to face him with a smile. “There are plenty of others.”

Her smile only grew wider as she saw the picnic basket he was holding, and he held it up a little higher as he spoke. “When you didn’t come in for lunch like you usually do, I figured you were lost in the hunt again.”

“I never know how much time has passed when I’m out here.” Y/N said sheepishly. 

“I know. Should we sit?”

“Don’t you have to get back to the Inn? The dinner rush will be starting soon.”

“Ashura told me to take my time.” Reth was already getting comfortable in the grass, so she followed suit and watched him take out the sandwiches carefully. 

Y/N was glad for Reth’s company. Reth had been one of the first people she properly met after materializing in the ruins. She didn’t know much about what was supposed to be normal for humans, but she figured by how Jina, the resident Human Expert, had reacted, it wasn’t normal to appear in a cloud of pink mist and sparkles. At least, that’s not how the Majiri operated. Most of what she had learned about their way of life had come from Reth and his sister, Tish. They had taken a special liking to her almost immediately. 

“Copper for your thoughts?” Reth said, with his mouth full. She smiled at his boyish nature. 

“Just thinking about how much has changed for me since coming here. I’m sure my life before was very different than this.” She could tell this from a number of signs. Her hands had been soft, and her arms lithe when she first came into Kilima. Her body had not known a day’s work like she had grown accustomed to. Y/N’s hands were worn and rough with calluses now, and her muscles, while not much compared to Sifuu, were still visible. And she could run faster and farther and haul sernuk much easier now. She was sure the magic pack Zeki had given her, plus Kilima’s fresh air and pleasant weather was helping as well.

He nodded thoughtfully, considering his words before speaking. “Have you ever thought about what your life was like before? Not just human life in general, but yours specifically?”

She had heard the word ‘memory’ before, and while she was sure she had some memories, they were not the kind Reth was talking about. Like she could remember watering her plants this morning, and she could remember shooting her bow for the first time. But these memories were vivid in her mind, having been so recent. She was told older memories got fuzzy with the passing of time.

“I have.” She said shortly, not feeling like she wanted to get into it. “I really like my life now, though.” 

She leaned over and nudged her shoulder against Reth’s, pushing him slightly. He exaggerated the gesture and dramatically fell back into the grass. She placed her sandwich down on top of the basket and laid next to him and looked at the clouds. 

She could feel an uncomfortableness radiating from Reth, though, like he wanted to say something but was holding back. Turning her head to look at him, she found him already looking at her, and he quickly looked up and away. 

Reth was… something. She wasn’t sure what this feeling was in her chest when he was around. It was different from the feeling of wanting to gossip or craft with Tish, or the feeling of wanting Hassian to be proud of her for hunting a large animal all by herself. It was deeper, and made her anxious, and made her feel warm all at once. 

Like she needed Reth to understand her, deeply, deeper than she knew herself. 

She was sure this was a purely human emotion, because Reth always seemed calm and collected. At least, now he did. When he had first spoken to her, though, he had tripped over his words greatly. 

“When I first met you,” he started, seeming to read her thoughts, “I had never seen a human before. And it surprised me.”

She let that hang there for a moment, feeling like there was something he still wasn’t saying. “What surprised you?”

She was still looking at him but he was none the wiser, his eyes locked on the sky. His cheeks slowly darkened to a magenta color. 

She felt something soft and gentle on her fingers, and upon looking down she found it was Reth’s own hand, slowly sliding in the grass closer to her own. She took in a quiet deep breath to calm herself, even as it felt like pure Flow was shooting up her arm at the contact. She was very confused, but allowed him to take her hand in his and intertwined their fingers. She didn’t understand the purpose of it, and yet she found it was quite pleasant and didn’t want to let go. So she relaxed into the grass, and gave his hand a small squeeze. He reciprocated the gesture, finally turning his head to look at her. He smiled at her then, a wide smile that made her toes curl in her boots and ingrained itself in her mind. His eyes sparkled in a way she had never seen before. 

Y/N looked away first, pointing out a cloud that looked like a star. Reth chuckled and squeezed her hand once more, agreeing with her, before he suddenly gasped and sat up, looking towards the basket. 

“Oh! I brought you something. Caleri waived my late fees so I could bring you this. I’m lucky she likes you so much.”

He handed her half-eaten sandwich to her, which she took another bite of as he opened the basket and produced a book, handing it over. Y/N sat up as well, taking it from him gently. Their hands touched briefly, and a burst of warmth blossomed in her chest. Ignoring it, she studied the strange writing on the worn red cover. It looked like English characters, but it was too worn to make out the words on the cover.

“You found this in the library?”

“I know, right? In the small Human section. I think it’s a cookbook. Look inside.”

She looked at him and shared his excited smile, then opened it to a random page. The pages were old and stuck together, and made a pleasant crackling sound as the spine expanded. Near the middle of the book, at the top of the page, was a full color picture of a cooked dish. It looked odd, it was a stack of bread and what looked like vegetables and meat. The writing at the top of the page read Burger.

Reth peeked over her shoulder, scooting closer to get a better look. Their legs were pressed together as he mouthed out the foreign word.

“Bur-jer.” He said confidently.

Y/N repeated the word. Jina would get a kick out of this. She wondered if she had read this book. She must have, but then again, Jina had never mentioned any human foods before. “I think it’s pronounced ‘bur-gur’, actually. Feels better in my human mouth.”

Reth laughed and threw his hands up. “Hey, you’re the expert. Do you want to try and cook it?”

“But we can barely read the recipe!”

“Won’t it be fun? I’m sure we could figure it out.”

The idea did sound very appealing. She would love to get closer to her roots, and she would never deny spending time with Reth. 

“Let’s do it.”

He nodded, putting a handkerchief between the pages to mark the place.

They sat in the grass and talked a little while longer before Reth announced he had to get back to the Inn, so they packed up and parted ways. 

Back at her housing plot, after Y/N had washed the chapaa meat and furs in a bucket of pond water, she wondered about her odd feelings for Reth, and the tightness in her chest when she thought about him. She stood at her stove, grilling the savory meat and letting the smell fill the air. Sometimes, when she cooked, she felt sad, and wished she was cooking with others. Cooking alone felt deeply wrong to her, and she could not explain why. She let herself feel the sadness, and then let it wash away when she was done, just like Jel had taught her. And by that time the meat had finished cooking. But as she reached to grab a plate (from the set that Elouisa had gifted her) she accidentally hit the hot pan and burned her hand. 

All at once, her mind’s eye was filled with the sight of a kitchen that wasn’t hers. The wallpaper was different, and there were many plants, and more cabinets. A woman whom she had never seen before, and yet felt so familiar, with skin tan like her own, fawned over her. 

“Oh dear, did you burn yourself, button? Come to the sink.”

The woman grabbed her wrist gently and led her to the sink, and turned the handle. Cool water started flowing from what she recollected was called a ‘faucet’. The woman, her mother, put her hand under the cold flow of the water until the burning sensation stopped. 

And then Y/N was standing alone once again, holding her injured hand to her chest. Luckily, her sink basin was already filled with fresh water from the pond, so she submerged her hand in the cool water until the familiar burning stopped once again. 

Was that a memory? Was that what remembering felt like? Her mother looked so similar to herself. She had so many questions, and she knew that no one else would have answers. Suddenly she felt so alone, even in this village of kind people, she felt totally isolated. 

– – – –

The next day felt very weird. After her odd kitchen experience the night before, Y/N had tossed and turned all night and didn’t get a wink of sleep. She ended up chopping many trees to take her mind off it, and after that didn’t help, she figured she would head into town and see if Hassian wanted help filling his meat supply for sale. The hunting in silence seemed to help a bit, and she always enjoyed his company, but every time she pulled back an arrow in the bow, the burn on her hand ached, and she remembered her mother’s face. And after that, she spent some time with Tish and Jel in the square before their shops opened. But as Tish complained of washing her cotton in pond water and finding a tadpole in her fabric later, the memory of the convenience of running water came flooding back. So she spent the day on her housing plot, alone and wallowing, unsure of what to do with herself.

When she didn’t show up for lunch again that day at the Inn, Reth thought at first it was because she was hunting. But after speaking with Hassian and learning she had already been hunting that morning, worry took over. It wasn’t like her to run off without telling someone where she was going. Everyone worried over her, being the only human any of them had ever seen, and having just materialized just a few months ago, the village as a whole didn’t want her to get lost or injured or worse. He couldn’t leave the Inn and go all the way to her house himself, but he could do one better. 

So late that afternoon, Y/N was surprised when she got a knock at her door, and was even more surprised to find Auni at her doorstep with a small paper bag. Usually he just left packages in the mailbox or on her porch, even if she was home, so she found it odd that he knocked. 

“Heya! Reth sent me with some food for ya. Wanted to know where you were.”

She smiled at him. Even though she didn’t feel like smiling, Auni was just a little ray of sunshine, and it was impossible not to be amused in his presence. And it warmed her heart to know Reth was thinking of her. 

“Hey Auni, long time no see. Do you want to come in; I caught a few new bugs I wanna show you.”

He nodded enthusiastically, and when she was done showing him the butterflies and beetles, she sent him on his way with some fresh crab meat for his mother. Now she was left with her lunch (now, she supposed she could call it dinner), some carrot soup. Her favorite. When she was done eating the warm meal, she laid on her bed and smiled, kicking her feet and giggling that Reth would be so kind. 

There were a lot of things she didn’t know, but maybe talking about them would be a good start.

– – – –

“Steady… Steady…” Nai’o hushed to the ormuu, patting it’s head while Y/N knelt beside the large animal, getting ready to milk it. She had never milked an ormuu before, and Nai’o was kind enough to offer to teach her after she had offhandedly expressed her curiosity about it a few sun cycles prior. Delaila even offered to share some of the resulting butter for her work.

He had taught her the hand motions, and once she started, it wasn’t so bad. Nai’o stood and watched and gave her encouragement as the bucket slowly filled with the good milk.

But her mind was elsewhere. Last week she had come around the corner of the City Hall and found him and Kenyatta behind the wall, doing what Tish called ‘sucking face’ but had learned the official word was ‘kissing’. It felt like an intrusion and she had pretended not to see them and had quietly snuck away, but the sight (and the curiosity) had stuck with her. 

“Can I ask you a personal question?” She said, sure to say it loud enough to be heard over the mooing of the ormuu. 

“Go ahead,” he replied instantly.

Y/N felt awkward bringing up the subject, and she wasn’t sure why. But she pushed ahead in the pursuit of answers. 

“When you first met Kenyatta, what did you feel?”

“That’s tough. Kenyatta and I grew up together. We’ve always known each other.”

That made sense, but it wasn’t what she meant. She took a deep breath and turned away from the ormuu for a second to meet his eyes.

“What about when you started dating?” The word ‘dating’ was still new to her, but she had heard Kenyatta use it, so she was sure it applied at least to her and Nai’o.

“Well, when I realized that I had feelings for her, I tried everything to get her attention. I just wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.”

“Had feelings? What did those feel like?”

“Why, are you feeling this way? I wonder who the object of your affections is?” Nai’o teased. 

She blushed, and went back to milking in hopes that Nai’o couldn’t see her dark cheeks. “Affections?” she asked, when she had found her voice. 

Occasionally, the Majiri would say a word that Y/N did not recognise. It felt childish to have to ask what a word’s definition was (even if Y/N couldn’t remember her childhood). She had heard this word before, but not used in this way. 

“Ah, how to explain it…” Nai’o said, mostly to himself as he thought for a moment. “If you have affections for someone, you like them more than you like everyone else. We call it love. It’s different than the love you feel for your parents or siblings or a close friend. You want to spend the rest of your life with that person.”

She thought about this for a moment. She didn’t have parents that she could remember, but Sifuu had joked many times that she had adopted Y/N and was her makeshift mother. And Y/N would do just about anything for Sifuu, so she guessed that was love, in a way. But she certainly did not want to kiss Sifuu. And she felt a camaraderie with Hassian, which Sifuu had also mentioned that Hassian, her Shepp, worried over her like an older brother (Hassian was not thrilled that his mother had mentioned his concerns, much like when he found out she had told Y/N about the poetry). And the mere thought of kissing Hassian made her want to throw up. And she felt proud of him in ways similar to how Tish described feeling over Reth. Now that she thought about it, she figured that Sifuu and Hassian were like her family, similar to the Daiya family. But what did that make Reth?

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Reth lately,” Nai’o continued when she didn’t say anything. 

She had brought up the subject thinking about Reth, but now felt like she should be doing more for Sifuu and Hassian. But she liked finishing what she started, so she circled back in her mind to her ultimate concern: the weird pressing in her chest when she was with Reth.

“What are you suggesting?”

“I’m suggesting that you want to kiss Reth, don’t you?”

Her words stuck in her throat at his bluntness. Did she? “I don’t know.”

“I know what you can do,” He said, looking very proud of himself, “Go to Zeki’s and buy a box of chocolates. And then give it to Reth. See what he does.” He said with a wide smile, and he leaned down to pick up the now full bucket of milk. Y/N took the cue and followed him into the house, leaving the ormuu with a small pat. 

“I thought chocolates were gifts for married folk only.”

“I give chocolates to Kenyatta all the time, and we aren’t married. Don’t you want to be like her and I?”

Y/N wasn’t exactly sure that she did, as the image of him and Ken with lips locked resurfaced, but she guessed it couldn’t hurt. “Alright, I’ll try it, and let you know.”

He clapped his hands and jumped up, in a demeanor she had never seen on Nai’o. His nosiness surprised her. “Good, tell me all the details. Ken is gonna love this.”

They went into the house and Delaila showed Y/N how the churn worked, and let her try her hand at churning the butter, but ultimately Del sent her on her way with some jam, and promised to have the butter delivered when it was finished. 

– – – –

It wasn’t for many sun cycles that Y/N and Reth could work their schedules around and meet up to try the recipe. Anxiety bubbled in her chest at the thought of what she was going to do, but she also was apprehensive to cook again. After burning her hand, she had avoided her kitchen like it was tainted with the plague. As much as she had relished and replayed the memory of her mother in her head multiple times, she was scared it was going to happen again. Even though she was slowly growing used to recalling such an old memory, having it spring up so suddenly that first time was alarming. 

She had already spoken to Jina about it, and she had urged Y/N to continue trying new things in hopes of triggering another memory to resurface. Y/N wasn’t exactly sure that she wanted that to happen, but maybe she could learn more about her own past, and about what happened to the humans in general. 

So when the time came where Reth was on his way to her home, she was a little out of sorts. The box of chocolates was hidden in a cupboard until the right moment appeared, the ingredients (what she had) for the recipe were laid out on the counter, fresh water in the sink basin, and her home cleaned and reorganized. She had only had time to build two rooms since coming to Kilima, but her living-kitchen-entry was tidy and her bed was made in the next room. Even Eshe would be proud of the decorating. 

After what felt like ages of pacing the floor, finally she heard a knock on her door. Wiping her sweaty hands on the new dress she had bought from Jel for the occasion, she opened the door. 

There he stood, in a crisp blue button-down shirt, a bouquet of heartdrop lilies in hand, and a nervous smile on his face. “Hey, sweet-tooth. Ready to make Majiri food history?”

The sight of him alone was enough to make her swoon, but the flowers were something else entirely. 

“Of course, come in, make yourself at home. Shoes off, please.” Y/N said hoping she masked the nervousness in her voice, and she accepted the flowers from him while he took off his boots. They were beautiful, and she had just bought a new vase the week prior too, so the timing was perfect. “Thank you for the flowers, they’re lovely.”

“Not as lovely as you.” He replied all too quickly, causing Y/N to blush profusely. 

“Thank you.” She whispered, reaching into her cupboard for the vase and filling it with water. The flowers sat pretty on her table for two (she had crafted the second chair just for Reth that day), and the two of them washed their hands in preparation to cook.

“So first the recipe says to make the�� the patty? I think it says.” Y/N said, looking at the open cookbook on the counter. 

Reth came up behind her, putting an arm on the counter next to her and looking over her shoulder to attempt to read the book. She blushed at his close proximity. She could feel his breath gently on her neck. 

“Sounds about right. I’ve never ground up meat before. How do you think we should do it?”

“Maybe we should just mince it and hope for the best.” She looked at him and was surprised just how close their faces were to one another. Despite her pounding heart, she liked being close to him. 

“I can do that, easy peasy.” Reth smiled, locking eyes with her. “Where are your kitchen knives?”

“Um… I’ll get one.” Y/N sputtered. She had to get ahold of herself! She should be cool.

It was increasingly hard with the heartdrop lilies on the table, seemingly watching her. 

While Reth minced the chapaa meat, Y/N worked on washing and cutting the tomatoes, lettuce, and onion. The recipe also called for something called ‘cheese’, but neither of them knew what that was, so they decided to just leave it out. They seasoned the minced meat with spice sprouts, wild garlic, and an egg, formed it into round patties, and grilled them on the stove. The recipe was worn over the part talking about the onions, so Reth suggested putting the onions on raw. And they didn’t have any ‘burger buns’, so they made do with hot hound buns instead.

"Hey, Reth, I have some news."

"Oh? Like what?" He asked, flipping one of the burger patties in the pan. She watched the action, and got distracted for a moment watching the muscles in his forearm ripple.

She twiddled her hands in anticipation. "I think I remembered something. About my past life, I mean."

At this, Reth perked up and gave his full attention to her. "Really? What did you remember?"

"It was odd, it just came so suddenly," Y/N started, then backtracked. "I was just cooking last week and burned myself, and I remembered a time when I was younger and had also burned myself while cooking, and my mother had taken me to the sink and run my hand under cold water to relieve the burn."

He thought about it for a moment, then replied, "Do you think you'll remember more things?"

"I don't know. I kind of hope so, but it was a little startling. Maybe next time it won't be as surprising."

He nodded, understanding. He could only sympathize with her since he would never experience losing all his memories and waking up in a strange place, but he was sure this was a new and exciting time for Y/N.

"Thank you for telling me. I hope you get to remember more about your past life."

"Of course, thanks for being here for me. No matter what I remember, though, you'll still be my favorite part of my new life."

Reth blushed at this, and went back to tending the meat in the pan, lest it burn like his cheeks.

The result of their efforts was a little oddly shaped, but upon sitting down to eat, found it was absolutely delicious. They enjoyed their meal together with good conversation, about Tish’s latest creation, Y/N’s new dress (Reth told her she looked absolutely stunning, cause her to nearly choke on her human burger in surprise), and Ashura mentioning something about a raise for Reth. And after, they washed the dishes together, standing too close together, arms touching, laughing and splashing water everywhere. 

It was the best night Y/N had had in a long time. And it was all thanks to Reth. 

“Hey, I’m having such a good time, do you think I could stay a little while longer?” He asked, when the last dish had been dried and put away.

“Of course, I don’t want you to go home yet either.” She admitted. 

“What would you like to do?” He asked, plopping down on the couch and sinking back into the cushions. 

“Actually, I have something for you.” Y/N admitted, feeling nervous and excited. Reth made her feel like she could do anything, and like she was on top of the world, and she hoped her gift would instill similar feelings in him. “But you have to close your eyes.”

He closed his eyes immediately, and her heart leapt at the sight. “Alright, I do love surprises.”

With a wide smile and shaking hands, she carefully pulled out the heart-shaped box of chocolates and sat down on the couch next to him. He sat up as he felt her weight on the couch next to him, and instinctively, she scooched closer to him until their legs were completely pressed together. 

She placed the chocolates on his lap gingerly. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

She watched as he opened his eyes, looking down at the box in his lap, then turned to look at her with such boyish joy in his eyes. Nothing could have prepared her for the energy in that room, filled with tension and joy and pure happiness and nervousness all at once. It was nearly overwhelming.

“You really want me to have these?” He asked, his voice not much above a whisper. 

“Of course, all for you. You deserve them.” Y/n said simply, though she wanted to proclaim that he deserved so much more than a simple box of chocolates. 

But he looked at her like she hung the flaming moon, like she was all he had ever wanted. Because, simply put, that’s exactly how he felt. 

“Y/N,” he started, carefully placing the chocolates on the coffee table in front of him, never taking his eyes off of hers, “You are the most generous, kind, beautiful soul I have ever met,” Now that his hands were free, he reached for hers. Gently caressing the backs of her hands with his thumbs, he gazed into her eyes with all the adoration in his heart. “I’m honored you would gift these to me. Thank you so much.”

Y/N was so happy she could cry. And she nearly did. Reth made her feel so safe and appreciated, and she knew he reciprocated everything she felt by the way he looked at her now. She glanced at his lips and wondered what they would feel like pressed to her own, and now she understood Kenyatta perfectly. 

He seemed to read her mind, moving one hand to her face, gliding his thumb over her cheekbone as he pressed his forehead to hers. With eyes closed to fully savor the moment, he whispered gently, “May I kiss you?”

Her heart was doing flips in her chest now as he moved ever closer, and she mewled out a meek ‘yes’, feeling the faint brush of his lips against her own due to their proximity. 

He wasted no time once she had consented, and he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. His hand on her face held her in place, and his other hand moved to her back to pull her closer. Her own hands rested on his strong forearm, and one on his shoulder as she deepened the kiss. He was all over her, invading her senses, and all she could think was more, more, more. She wasn’t sure what ‘more’ entailed, but she would happily spend the rest of her life figuring it out. She needed him impossibly closer, and he seemed to be thinking the same thing by the way his hands gripped the fabric of her dress. His tongue gently opened her mouth, allowing himself access to her. The sensation was foreign but she found it wasn’t unpleasant. She allowed him to explore her mouth for a little while, and just enjoyed the feeling of him pressed against her. 

Reth was ecstatic that Y/N returned his feelings, and was even happier that she was content to sit in his arms. He had dreamed of this moment ever since he first laid eyes on her, that first day she came into his world. He relished in the feeling of her so close, her warm body pressing ever closer, her hands wandering across his arms and back. She touched his neck at the base of his hair, and he simply melted into her touch. She was everything he could have ever wanted. 

He got so excited that he scooped his hands under her legs, chuckling at her gasp of surprise as he lifted her into his lap. Warm hands settled on her hips as she gazed into his eyes with all the love in her heart. He just wanted her closer, so he pulled her to his chest for a deep hug. He pet her hair, gently carding his fingers through as she sighed into his shoulder. Nuzzling her nose into his neck, Y/N sighed contentedly. She could sit like this forever, legs on either side of his, as close as she could possibly be, and wondered what she would have to do to make this a daily occurrence. 

“Reth?” She asked, after many minutes of just sitting in each other’s presence. 

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Will you be mine? Only mine?”

“Yes my love, I’m already yours.”

[heretical-cogitations]

Calgar’s week off (gone wrong) (gone sexual) part 1?

Dom!Calgar x afab!reader

Word count: ~ 3740

AN: almost finished the first dark imperium book and almost jumped into the pages to give Calgar a hug because holy fuck bro is insecure and thinks HE is a failure I can’t be doing with that, holy fuck.

Once again everything got out of hand, set out to write a short drabble…. so sorry this got a big long winded. Thinking about adding a part 2...

You’re both very much in love but also really horny in this, you’re all over each other in every way from sappy to sexual.

Warnings: MDNI 18+, oral f! receiving, good girl said twice and lady is used once, praise, degradation, public sex, manhandling, hair pulling, dom/sub dynamics, squirting, teasing, piv sex, kinda mirror sex.

Please let me know if I have missed anything!!

He had been relieved of his duties by Lord Guilliman, a sign of his ongoing failures since the plague wars. He remembered the look on his gene fathers face, his exasperation clear as Calgar tried to argue against his dismissal. Except that’s not really what happened, Guilliman had sympathised with the tired chapter master, suggesting signing him off for a break to recuperate, and so was rightly shocked when Calgar protested so staunchly.

Guilliman’s suggestion soon turned into an order for Calgar to take a mandated leave.  “This is not a punishment, Calgar, but a holiday. I expect you will treat it as such; it is not often I allow this type of leave, and I will not have it taken for granted.” His voice authoritative and tired, at that Calgar kneeled thanking his gene sire, feeling a stinging sense of shame as he left.

Since his thoughts swirled with the repeating mantra of failure, his Primarch wanted him as far away as possible, to remove him from making matters worse. Calgar ran his hand over his face and paced the length of the suite he had been very kindly booked into by his gene sire. Lost in self-deprecating thoughts, he didn’t pay attention to the light rapping of knuckles on the room’s doors.

“Lord Calgar?” That sweet voice snapped him out of his thoughts, the one true kindness from his Primarch was letting him bring you.

“Come in.” He couldn’t hide the smile forming on his face as he saw you totter into the room, you had gone on a little mission to gather some information about the local area from the front desk before unpacking, the excitement radiating off you.

You had also been booked into the same room, and he wondered if Lord Guilliman knew of your relationship. Those thoughts didn’t last long, as he basked in the delightful domesticity of you unpacking around him, adding your items to your side of the room.

Throne, you are stunning, he thinks to himself pride filling him at the thought of someone as jaw dropping as you choosing to be his.

“I can feel you staring, Marny.” You smile brightly, turning to face him from the side of the bed. The nickname made his hearts stutter like he was a young man all over again.

You had bewitched him.

“You are just so exquisite, little lady.” Even your sweet laugh had an effect on him, all the weight of his thoughts lifting.

You stood walking over to him placing your hands over his, grabbing his index and middle fingers.  His hands dwarfing yours.

It reminded him of your first night together…

“I’ve finished my little scouting mission and wondered if you had any specific plans for this little holiday.” You say whilst playing with his fingers absentmindedly.

He had researched the place to no end. This little planet in the outskirts of Ultramar was known for its peaceful beauty, range of biomes and therapeutic effects on its inhabitants and visitors.

“Since, we have arrived quite late I thought dinner would be a good place to start, no?” You nod in response.

Your hand is now tracing delicate patterns on his. “Oh, how delightful.” Your chirp snaking your arms around his pressing your chest into his muscular arm.

You’re laying it on thick, he looks down eyes greeted with your breasts threatening to fall out of their confines. It had been a while since the two of you were... intimate, the war had taken him away on what felt like a never-ending mission, always absent from his chambers.

You were going to make the most of this little gift from the Lord Primarch. 

“What should I wear my lord?” A smirk graced his features, “Here, little one.” You let go of him as he walked to the shared dresser, opening a drawer and pulling a box out passing it to you.

The box contained a neatly folded pile of clothes, wrapped in a light tissue paper and tied with a bow

Removing the packaging, you looked at his present, the material looked expensive and almost iridescent, the light cascading over the folds in such a soft way.

It was stunning, you picked it up by the corners to examine it, a beautiful blue custom-made gown, with a well-hidden split to make moving easy, it just looked a bit… wet? You notice a small patch of gold near the neck, pulling the neck line closer to you, you see a set of embroidered letters, not quite sure what they are, assuming it’s the designer’s brand.

The other neatly tied part of the gift was a set of matching lingerie. The colour matching the dress perfectly, it was intricately and beautifully made, making you wonder how long this took and how much it must have cost.

You look back to Calgar. “They are beautiful Marny, thank you, but is- is this appropriate?” He laughs, “Of course it is, go try it all on.”

You do as he says gently swaddling the garments in your arms before starting towards the bathroom.

He stands in your path. “Change here.” His chapter master assertiveness making you fold instantly, blushing a vibrant red as you place the pile back down. “Could you at least turn around?”

“No.” He instead takes a seat on the large loveseat, near the billowing curtains framing the balcony, staring directly at you, you feel exposed.

“I have not seen you in such a long time, can you blame me for wanting to see every inch of you? I want to watch you put on the gift I gave you.” He says as he relaxes back into the cushions below him, before beckoning you to change closer.

You move in front of him, avoiding hid gaze as you slowly strip off your travel clothes and underwear. Arms moving to cover your intimate areas as you try to decipher how to put the intricate lingerie on.

He seems to notice your confusion. “Need some help?” You nod as your blush deepens in shade.

He stations himself behind you, arms running down the lengths of your arms before moving them away from you. “No hiding, sweetheart. I can’t help if I can’t see.” 

His hot breath on your ear sending a jolt of heat through you, he instructs you to pick up the bra first. The delicate lace looked even more fragile in his hands as he glided the straps up your arms into place, head leaning over yours as he fastened the clasp in the front.

You feel lightheaded, those brutish hands shouldn’t be so gentle and attentive, they shouldn’t have you squeezing your thighs together over something so small.

“You smell so good…” he says pressing soft kisses to your neck, you lean into the touch eyes fluttering shut, a soft sigh escaping you.

He moves to stand in front of you before kneeling down, picking up the panties, and gently guiding your legs through the holes. As he slowly pull them into place, you realise a detail you failed to notice earlier, they’re crotchless.

“Oh throne, Marneus.” You cover your face with your hands embarrassed and turned on at the prospect of going to dinner so exposed.

“You look perfect.” Hands kneading your hips before pulling you close, his nose is touching the band of the panties.

He has missed you so much, he can smell how much you want him, feeling the slightest twitch and squeeze of your plush thighs.

He is itching to keep you under him and forget everything outside of these walls until the holiday is over, but he won’t be greedy - not yet anyway.

“Don’t want to ruin dinner, so I need to make sure this works, okay?” You nod in response, you don’t even know what he is talking about, too dazed by the huge man so close to where you need him. 

He lifts one of your thighs over his shoulder latching his lips onto your clit sucking harshly over and over, tongue tracing patterns on the sensitive bud.

Your hands shoot to his hair grabbing and tugging on the cropped grey strands. “O Oh!!” You feel too sensitive, you don’t think you will last long, legs already shaking and relying on Calgar to hold you up right.

His index finger runs up and down your slit before nestling itself knuckle deep inside you, pulling almost all the way out before pushing back in.

You are whining for more, hips bucking against him, cunt squeezing down on his finger. He moans against your clit at a particularly rough tug of his hair, making you double over and see stars. “So close, Marny, please, please.”

He pulls away completely chuckling at the strangled whimper that leaves you. He stares at your crotch for a little while before letting out a pleased hum.

“Looks good.” He mutters to himself before standing up, you are bewildered, you have bene with him long enough to know he loves to tease but this felt cruel, you opened your mouth to protest but he cut you off shoving his finger into your mouth. “Clean it, little one.” You suckle lightly running your tongue over his finger, lapping up any of your slick.

He pulls out his finger, giving you a quick chaste kiss. “Good girl.”

He picks up the dress helping you into it, you’re so pliable, in a daze from what just happened. “There all done.”

He guides you over to the mirror, light grip on your jaw making you take in how your figure perfectly fills out the dress. Every detail placed perfectly, the sheer panels teasing at your curves, bra preserving your modesty. “You are a beauty, aren’t you?” You nod absent mindedly.

“Thank you, it’s lovely…” …but all I can think about is being railed beyond comprehension by you.  

You try to get the message across by pressing your arse against him. Feeling him grind back cock half hard, you whisper. “We could always skip dinner… I’ve missed you so much.” You lean your head back against his broad, strong chest.

“No, little one, we are going. Put your shoes on.” He states bluntly, leaving you as the only figure reflected by the mirror. You huff but get ready, you won’t let him tease you like this without fighting back.

He held the door open for you “After you, little one.” You thank him slipping out of the room.

Calgar as ‘chivalrous’ as ever offered his arm to you, you take up his offer resting a hand on his forearm.

He guides you through the wide, clean marble hallways, you fell into a comfortable silence. Your eyes tracing the patterns of the intricate mosaics that decorated the floor, trying to distract yourself from the aching need you felt.

Moving in the dress is becoming more and more uncomfortable, you can feel your arousal slipping down your thighs, thanks to the chapter master’s other lovely gift.

Arriving at the restaurant that had caught his eye during his research, Calgar leads you in. You are seated at a table with a small couch on one side, the almost setting sun, reflecting off the teal sea on the other. Sat next to each other, arms press side to side as you were both caught in the view’s snare.

“I always forget there are such beauties in this universe.” Calgar said wistfully.

You tear your gaze from the scenery to look up at him, he was definitely one of those beauties you thought. Taking in his strong features highlighted by the golden light. The relative calm takes focus away from the sticky situation,you find yourself in.

Calgar looks around surveying the restaurant. The cover is good, but he still needs to be careful.

He looks to you smiling softly, arm wrapping around your waist, finding a home on your thigh. “Everything okay Marny?” Nickname slipping out before you could stop yourself.

“Of course, just a little distracted, my sweet.” He responds voice a low hum, hand roaming up high on your thigh.

He opens his mouth to speak again but is interrupted by a waiter asking for your drinks order.

You allow Calgar to order, you haven’t even looked at the menu, too distracted by the space marine squashed up next to you.

You notice how the waiters gaze is stuck to you, eyes wandering over the peaks and troughs of your body. Responding to Calgar as he ordered but attention clearly set on you.  “You are very pretty, the lord angel is lucky to have someone, as beautiful as you by his side.” So earnest in his approach you couldn’t be mad at the poor lad, you smiled softly thanking him for the compliment sweetly.

“I am not interested in your opinion of her, boy.” Both you are the waiter gaped at him for a moment before the young man began profusely apologising “I meant no offense to you m-my lord!”. Swiftly making his escape after.

You couldn’t hold the laughter bubbling up. “That was mean, Lord Calgar.” your voice teasing, face turning back to the chapter master. He clearly wasn’t sharing in the levity of the moment, jaw set tight, you try lightning the mood, rubbing his toned thigh with one of your hands, leaning your head against him.

He regrets turning down your offer to stay in the room now, He wasn’t used to feeling jealous, but the waiter’s shameless ogling made his blood boil and your sickly sweet response didn’t do anything to calm the flames the interaction had sparked.

His hand squeeze possessively at your thigh in a futile attempt to ground himself.

The waiter returned a vintage red wine from the looks of it. Placing down the bottle and cooler gently, then the wine glasses.

He was nervously babbling on about the wine, where it’s from, its taste profile, blah blah blah.

You were too busy staring off out into the bay thinking how to best go about further riling up the now moody astartes.

Once both glasses were filled the you both thank the waiter before he took his leave apologising again.

Picking up your glasses you clink them together in cheers before taking a small sip of the wine.

Wow, you take another larger sip, enjoying the strong flavour that overwhelmed your mouth.

“It’s a good vintage, isn’t it?” Calgar mused, his smile such a welcome sight.

“Mhmm its lovely, very good choice, my lord.” The hand on his thigh squeezing his taut muscles. The pure shock on his face, is highly amusing. He stares at you frozen until his hand slips under the slit of your dress.

“Two can play this game, you little minx.” It’s your turn to stare shocked at him as his hand inches further and further up your thigh. That uncomfortable wetness between your thighs, the main focus of your thoughts again.

You let out a small squeak when his fingers slide between your slit. “You’re soaked, little one. You like all that attention he was giving you? “

“M Marny, not here.” You lightly push at his arm. “Oh why not? You’re the one draping yourself all over me, trying your best to get me to bed you before you are even fully unpacked.”  His fingers drawing tight controlled circles on your clit. “You’re enjoying this aren’t you sweetheart?” Two fingers slipping into your tight heat, thumb continuing the assault on your clit.

You look up at him, soft mewls escaping your lips, the hand on his thigh snaking into his robes to return the favour. “What happened to ‘Marny not here’, princess?”

You bury your head into his bicep fingers ghosting over his length before you grab it properly giving it slow, languid strokes. Nails lightly scratching the sensitive head of his cock, using the beading precum as lube, you stroke a little faster, other hands joining to cup his balls, before giving them a slight squeeze.

His breath stutters, fully erect cock hard to hide under his robes.

He pinches your clit in response, rolling the sensitive bud between his thumb and index fingers.

You let out a sharp gasp, knee shooting up smashing against the underside of the table sending the contents of your wine glass flying over you.

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“Why would I do that on purpose?! Shit! It’s all over the dress.” You hastily grab your napkin to dab at the wine seeping into the fabric.

He helps hands pressing the napkin over your chest. “Come on.” He says tugging you up by your arm.

You notice people staring at you, face hung low and flushed trying to avoid their gazes as he trudged with you in tow to one of the restaurants bathrooms ushering you inside before following in and locking the door.

Before you have a second to process anything he is on you crowding you against the sink, hands roughly tugging off the stained dress. “What a waste, you just couldn’t behave could you?” He spits out.

You dig your nails into his arm. “It wouldn’t have happened if you could keep your hands to yourself, you dirty old man.” You bite back, wanting to anger him more.

He hoists you up onto the lip of the sink slotting himself between your thighs. “Need to that rotten attitude, don’t we?” His words laced with venom.

It’s exhilarating, your panties doing nothing to hide how much you’re enjoying this treatment.

Holding you in place with one hand, he uses the other to trace soft patterns on your inner thighs, then he slaps your cunt. Rough palm digging in and grinding against your clit. You jolt biting your lip to repress the squeal that wanted to escape,

“Naughty girl, getting off on being scolded.” His tongue laps over your neck and chest, cleaning any of the wine that seeped through the material of the dress, teeth scraping and biting as he went.

His fingers pinching your nipples through the pretty lace of the bra intermittently, making you let out pitched moans, it hurt so good. “You will know your place.” You wrap your legs around his waist, trying to pull him closer.

He pulls away instead, flipping you around so you’re facing the mirror, hands braced against the sink. He kicks the inside of your leg, spreading you wider before thrusting the tip of his length into your walls.

You push your hips back, gasped moans leaving you each time you manage to take him deeper. He watches you for a while, as you fuck yourself back onto half of his length.

Sweet moans of how full you feel turn to bratty remarks demanding him to fuck you properly.

At that he rags you up by your hair pressing your face to the bathroom mirror. “Look at how desperately fucked out you look from half an astartes cock, no one else could make you feel like this could they?”

“N-no.” You squeal.

“That’s right, who makes you feel this good? Who fucks every little bit of sense out of your stupid cunt?” Cock still no deeper, moving slowly with purposeful strokes.

 “Y-you do chapter mmm-master.” His hand let’s go of your hair before pulling out.

You let out a debauched whine and buck your hips back trying to entice him back.

He leans down picking up your ruined panties shoving them into your mouth. “Be a good whore and stay quiet. Can’t have the entire restaurant hearing how much of a slut you are for your chapter masters cock.” With his words he hilts himself back into your plush heat.

Your legs quiver before giving out, the cold porcelain of the sink digging harshly into your hips.

Muffled whines and moans escaping you. “Listen to the sound of that sloppy hole, always so greedy, isn’t it? Fuck, I’ve missed this pretty little cunt.”

His thrusts somehow harder and faster than before. He pulls your back into a deep arch by grabbing your chin, forcing you to look at your reflection.

Throne, you looked ruined, tears streaming down your face, cheeks a blotchy red, drool mingling with your tears along the edge of your jaw. You could barely keep your eyes focused, it felt too good.

A hot, heavy pressure was building deep in your abdomen.

“Tight little hole was just made for me, wasn’t it? Can feel how close you are. F- feels good squeezing around me. Ask nicely I might let you cum.”

He hooks his finger into your mouth ripping the panties out. “Please, please, please, fuck! I’m so close, I’m so sorry, I’ll be a good girl, please, le-let me cuuummm.” You keep rambling out pleading whines for him to give you release, you’re so close, right on the edge.

He leans forward weight bearing down on you slightly, his cock pressing even deeper into you with each bruising thrust, grunting in your ear, sending you over the edge before he even has the chance to respond.

The orgasm racks through you violently mind wiped blank, as white hot pleasure robs you of your vision for a moment, legs spasming before giving out as you squirt over his length and balls, you slump forward, twitching from the aftershock. “I I’m sorry M Marny.”

His thrusts not faltering one bit hands holding you up as he fucks you through that earth shattering orgasm. “Don’t think you won’t be punished for that little stunt, whore.” You whimper at his words. You feel so overstimulated, it hurts, you attempt to twist yourself, you want the comfort of your lord.

Calgar notices but he won’t give you what you want after you disobeyed him so blatantly. He pulls out, guiding you onto your knees, you shuffle closer hands roaming up and down his muscular thighs.

“Open wide, darling.” He grunts out, you oblige as he strokes himself to orgasm, ropes of hot thick cum splashing across your chest stark against the colour of your bra.

More lands on your face and in your mouth. You stick your tongue out in attempt to catch more, holding your mouth open to show him before swallowing it all down.

He slaps his cock against your cum covered cheek. “Mm, what do you say?” 

“Thank you, lord Calgar.” He groans at your words hand still lazily stroking his cock.

“Good, but we’re not done yet, little one.”

[moonstruckme]

Congrats on 1k love!!! Im so happy for you, you deserve all the love 🩶

Could i request a ravenclaw!reader who's a little volatile (i suppose like dark acadameia) that the slytherins have kind of adopted (because shes volatile not violent and they think its cute). But shes been in a relationship with Remus on the down low and they realise at a halloween party?

I imagine Remus as an angel while reader is a devil and the slytherins were already concerned by the costume but then they notice you and Remus and just loose their marbles. Barty's having a meltdown, evans im shock and Sirius is cackling because Regulus is trying to stand tall but Remus is so much bigger than him its just impossible.

Anyway, tysm for your wonderful self and feel free to twist this however fits you, love!!

Hi lovely, thank you so much! I'm assuming you meant this to be for the Fade Into You part of the celebration since it's a specific reader, and also I don't know the Slytherin boys very well so I feel like my characterization could be wayyyyy off but I hope this is alright!

join the party

Remus Lupin x Ravenclaw!reader ♡ 930 words

You’re dancing with your friends when your drink is plucked suddenly from your hand. 

“Hey!” You spin around to find the thief, and then your tone changes completely. “Hey, Remus, you came!” You crash into him, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck. Remus hugs you back the best he’s able, a drink in each hand. “And you wore your costume!” You grin as you pull away, resting a hand on either side of his face to admire how soft and sweet he looks in seraphim white. “Is that glitter on your cheeks?”

Said cheeks grow warm under your hands. “That’s Sirius’ touch.” 

“You look very pretty.” He grins, and you stand on tiptoe to whisper sweetly in his ear, “Now give me back my drink, pretty boy.” 

Remus’ smile doesn’t waver, but he becomes a tad more serious about the eyes. “How many have you had?”

“Oh, don’t be such a drag, Lupin,” Barty pipes up, coming up behind you to sling an arm around your shoulder. “She’s fine, and not that it’s any business of yours, but we won’t let anything happen to her.” 

“She just seems like maybe she’s had enough,” Remus replies, and his tone is far from unkind, but there’s an edge of admonishment to it that has Barty bristling noticeably. He turns back to you, voice softening. “What do you say, lovely, want to go sit down for a little while?”

You look at Barty, who raises an eyebrow at you. Behind him, Reggie stands with his arms crossed, looking bored with the whole thing.  

“I won’t be gone long,” you say in apology, and Barty scoffs disgustedly, but releases you. 

“Fine, go play with your costume buddy,” he says. “We’ll be here when you get sick of him.” 

You take Remus’ hand in one of yours, flipping Barty off with the other. 

“Are we really going to sit down?” you whisper hopefully, and Remus chuckles. 

“Yeah, we are. Sorry, sweetheart, but you’re not exactly walking in a straight line right now.” 

You grin, tugging at his hand playfully. “That’s just ‘cause I’m a rebel. The boys would never let me hang out with them if I walked the straight and narrow.” 

“That so?” Remus hums, pulling you down onto a couch beside him. “Have I mentioned how nice you look yet? You really do.” 

“I’m not supposed to look nice.” You roll your eyes, shuffling closer to him. “I’m a devil, Rem. I’m supposed to look hot and salacious.” 

Remus graces you with a smile, brushing a piece of hair from in front of your eye. “You do look hot, but you look nice too. I don’t think you can help that one, dovey.” 

“Yeah?” You bat your eyelashes, moving into his lap. Remus’ eyebrow quirks up slightly, cheeks glittering with the movement, but he doesn’t stop you. “Is it just that I radiate sweetness?” You kiss his jaw. “And patience?” Remus’ cheek is faintly pink where you press your lips. “Innocence, certainly,” you tease, breath hot on his ear, “but what else?” 

“Dove,” he whispers, “I think your friends are watching.” 

“Hm?” You look up, and sure enough, Regulus, Barty, and Evan are standing just a few feet away by the punch bowl, expressions ranging from bewilderment to abject horror. “Oh. Oops.” 

“I—I can’t,” Barty sputters. “I can’t be seeing this. Are you plastered? Get off him.” 

You don’t, but Remus does it for you, standing and setting you on your feet as Regulus stalks forward. He stops with his arms crossed in front of the two of you. 

“Is this who you’ve been ditching us for lately?” he asks you. 

You start to reply, but Barty talks over you. “No.” He shakes his head. “No, there’s no way. There’s no way.” 

Others have started migrating toward you to watch the show, among them Remus’ friends. Normally you wouldn't care, but Remus is beginning to squirm, so you try to calm things down for his benefit. 

“You guys are overreacting,” you say, as peaceably as you’re capable of. “As if it really matters what house my boyfriend is in.” 

“Boyfriend?” Barty despairs, and you should have known better than to think anything could quell his dramatics once they’ve begun. “God, as if the costumes weren’t bad enough, you have to throw lovey-dovey terms like boyfriend around.” 

A peal of laughter sounds from somewhere nearby, and you look around to find Sirius, eyes already wet with mirth as he watches his younger brother. “Reggie,” he manages between giggles, “are you trying to look taller than him?”

Reg raises an unimpressed brow, and anyone who didn’t know him well might not notice the flicker of embarrassment in his gaze. “Don’t be stupid,” he says, but his posture is better than you’ve ever seen it, his neck elongated in an attempt to look Remus in the eyes without having to tilt his head. 

“Reg.” Sirius swipes under his eyes. “You may be taller than me, but you’re never gonna get all the way up there.” 

“Alright,” you say decisively, taking Remus’ hand and proceeding to push past Regulus’ stiff form. You shoot Evan a half-apologetic look as you go by, still standing frozen like he’s been stupefied, and Barty follows your movement with eyes blown wide. “Just for that, we’re going back to you guys’ dorm, Black. And we’re going to fuck, loudly, all night.” You shoot your most winning smile in his direction, even as Remus’ face takes on a fiery hue beneath the white glitter. “I wouldn’t recommend coming home. Goodnight!”

[kyber-crystal]

learning to warm cold hands || ethan hunt

summary: after a particular mission, sunshine isn’t sunshine anymore, and it worries him. (aka a cliche angst to fluff fic with the following tropes: slightly sunshine and super sunshine, who did this to you, etc)

words: ~1.4k

warnings: angst, brief descriptions of violence, ethan being overly concerned for reader, but not much else asides from that 

a/n: first ethan fic (requested by a lovely anon, thank you!!) and second mission impossible fic! btw, this fic is kind of an AU? i don't have a specific timeline for when it happens, so you can squeeze it in wherever :)

“Y/N, status update?”

“Northwest exit, 430 meters. I have one on my tail. But you know I’m Usain Bolt 2.0! I can definitely outrun this doofus, I mean, I bet my mile time is way better than his. I could've gone to the Olympics, for God’s sake. The Olympics! Where are you?”

“Stay there, I’ll come find you.”

“Ethan, wait, you can't just tell me to—“ You don’t even get to finish before a an explosive sound echoes across the narrow alleyway. You make a sharp left turn but find that you’d just hit a dead end. The door was locked. Shit. You only had one bullet left and there was a guy who was definitely at least twice your weight—and over a foot taller, too—coming after you. You wouldn't even have enough time to reload.

“Y/N. Y/N—“

You don’t get to hear the rest of what he’s saying before the static fizzes out and you lose connection.

“Hey there!” You give the beefy man who’s now mere meters away from you a cheerful smile. “Lovely weather today, don’t you think? Too bad it’s going to rain tomorrow. I love the rain but I hate lightning, because I almost got struck a year ago.”

He doesn't look too happy at this, whipping his gun out without a moment’s hesitation. You squeeze your eyes shut and pray as you slide the bullet in and he pins you against the wall by your neck. 

He brings the gun to your head, and your weapon clatters to the ground. You curse under your breath. You can feel your airways constricting and there's a searing pain working its way through you. 

“You're not going anywhere, princess.”

There's a split-second; a microsecond in which he pauses. Very briefly. You don't think, just do—you knee him in the groin, hard, and quickly grab the knife that's sheathed in your boot. 

Saying one last prayer, you plunge the blade in, not even looking to see if you'd aimed right. He falls to the floor, stumbling, and you then lunge forward to disarm him. 

Another deafening gunshot rings out just as Ethan rounds the corner and finds you there, standing over the man’s dead body like the angel of death. A pool of blood surrounds your feet, and he doesn't think he wants to know if that's yours or his. 

“You made it out alive. Good job out there.”

Glancing over at him, you nod, but don't say anything. You toss him the data files without another word, and board the plane. 

“I'm proud of you.”

More strained silence. Huh, weird… he thinks. 

“Y/N, are you alright?”

No response. Ethan repeats himself again, “Are you alright? Did something happen?”

You strap yourself into your seat and tilt your head back, digging your nails into your wrist. Anything was better than being awake right now…

“Well, someone's uncharacteristically quiet.”

Still no response. Not even a snarky quip like you'd typically reply with. No nicknames, no bickering, no random fun fact you googled on the way over here. “Did you know that a pig can digest an entire human body, bones and all? That makes me think a little extra every time we pass through the European countryside and see one of them.” 

All he gets is silence from your end, and it starts to worry him. 

That’s when he follows your gaze downwards. You're clutching the left side of your abdomen, trying your best not to make a sound. 

His blood runs cold and his eyes darken. You can feel the pure rage radiating off him. 

“Did he hurt you?”

“No…shit…Sherlock…” you croak out. 

“You're hurt.”

No response again. 

“Y/N, what the hell happened out there and who did this to you?”

More silence. 

“Y/N, what did he do to you? How did he hurt you?”

After several more questions and several more failed replies, he forcefully moves your hand aside. Your shirt is stained a deep red and there's a gaping hole much bigger than Ethan wanted to see. 

“You got shot.” He sighs. “Luther, how much longer?”

“Hour and five, but we can get there in 38.”

“Hurry.”

“On it.”

Ilsa brings him a thick roll of bandages. He tries to be as careful as possible as he disinfects and wraps up your torso, but every so often, you wince in pain. 

“I'm sorry, sweetheart, just a few more minutes,” Ethan hurriedly apologizes. “Hang in there for me, okay?”

Once he's done, he sits down next to you and laces your fingers together, giving your hand a squeeze. You let out a shuddering sigh and slumped against him. 

He pretends not to notice your watering eyes, or the crescent-shaped marks in your wrist. Or the way your left foot nervously taps out the rhythm to yours and his favorite song. Or the way your tears leave faint red tracks behind as they slip down your cheeks. 

“I'm so sorry,” he repeats over and over again, “I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.”

You don't sleep a wink that night. On any other day in Paris, you'd walk down to the farmer’s market below. You’d pick out Ethan’s favorite fruit and a new beret to have him wear jokingly, and maybe grab a croissant or two. Then you’d drag him along to the Louvre and point out each painting one by one and explain in great detail why you loved them so much. And he’d listen, because he could live purely off the sound of your voice for the rest of his life. He was never one for museums, but you loved them, and because he loved you, he started to love them, too.

But it's dark out, and after what had just happened the other day, you don't feel safe enough to leave the apartment. You tossed and turned for over half an hour before falling asleep, but jolted awake just a few minutes later, shivering violently. There was no way you were going to try and go to sleep again.  

Ethan stirs awake, rubbing his eyes to see a dark figure slipping out the door. 

He's quick to follow you up the staircase and to the rooftop. You're standing there in just a T-shirt (was that his?) and shorts, and it's freezing cold out, but you're sweating and fanning yourself. 

“Y/N?”

You turn around at the sound of his voice. “Ethan…”

“What are you doing up here? I was worried about you.” He makes his way over to you and puts a hand on your shoulder, obvious concern on his face. 

You bit your lip and started digging your nails into your wrist again. 

“Talk to me, Y/N,” he pleaded. “Tell me what's wrong.” 

You shook your head, feeling the skin of your wrist beginning to sting. 

“Y/N, please. I want to help you. But I can’t do that when you won't talk to me, so please…tell me what’s going on.” 

“I’m so tired, Ethan,” you finally spoke after a long pause, voice hoarse. “I should’ve—I shouldn’t be here right now, I should be dead because I panicked and I…I almost died. The man, he put the gun to my head and I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. I could’ve sworn to God that the whole ‘thing’ about you seeing your life flash by like a film reel was just a myth but it wasn’t. It scared the shit out of me because I kept seeing the same thing over and over. I thought…”

“What did you see?” he asked, voice gentle. 

“I kept seeing your face. All I saw was your face.” You looked away, suddenly unable to make eye contact with him. Heat spreads across your cheeks. “I know I care about the whole damn team, but you—you’re my future, Ethan.”

He doesn’t say anything in response and instead, leans down to kiss you.

The sudden rush of warmth from his lips being pressed against yours makes you want to forget everything in the world and completely drown in him. This was home, you realized, and this is where I’m supposed to be.

And as the sun rises and spreads a brilliant pale glow over the horizon, Ethan can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, this was also exactly where he was meant to be. Not fighting bad guys, but rather, standing on the rooftop of a tiny building in the 4th arrondissement with you in his arms and your head against his heart. He thinks he could have a lifetime of this.

“You’re my future, too.”

tags (including those who may be interested! add yourself via this form, if you’d like): @mitchellpete @voguesir @fl0ating @lady-elena-adeline @the-multiverse-of-fandoms @ilsastrenchcoat @joyfullyswimmingface​ 

[katakaluptastrophy]

Hi! I really love your metas and they’ve cleared up a lot of what I missed when I read the books. I was wondering if I could ask you a question. (Totally fine if not!)

So we know that John killed the entire Solar System because he was angry the trillionaires got to escape a dying Earth and leave of the rest of its inhabitants behind. He details killing Earth, the Sun, the other planets. My question is, what happened to the moons? Did he overlook them? Did the Lyctors get to them later?

I ask because I’m wondering if the moons have anything to do with the Resurrection Beasts and/or their Heralds. Frankly, I’m just curious about what happened to them.

I get that killing a planet and everyone and everything on it would create a Resurrection Beast. But I’m wondering if size matters. Pluto is a dwarf planet. I’m sure there are moons that are larger. I’m not sure whether life-supporting environments mattered either. I can’t recall if any of the planets had stations that could maintain human life before the Resurrection.

John mentioned killing the Sun and later resurrecting it into Dominicus. I thought that was interesting because there is no way humans could have lived near or on the surface of the Sun, so its thalergenic potential would be incredibly limited if not zero, right? But it is now a thanergetic celestial body. Dominicus is remarked upon in the books and seems to have some significance because it is tied to John’s life. (Or was that a lie he told the Lyctors? I don’t remember.)

In comparison, moons get almost no mention. I’m wondering if that’s a choice or if there are just some thalergenic moons in the Dominican System. That seems unlikely to me and I’m wondering at the significance.

Perhaps I’m overthinking it lol. What are your thoughts?

I'm honestly so confused about moons.

There's only two references to moons that I can think of:

Mercymorn says to Harrow "I'm going to go do the moonlet next door. It'll be covered in reflected thalergy." But what is a moonlet, and is this a real phenomenon, or just one she made up as an excuse for Harrow to encounter the BoE crew?

And of course, there's Pyrra's "half-flipped moon", which is again rather confusing - what does it mean to be 'half-flipped'?

John doesn't mention them in his Very Hungry Caterpillar adventures, and there's no direct references to moons from any of the other Housers we meet - with the exception of Gideon using 'moonspeak' to mean something like technobabble or nonsense. There's no specifically moon-based pre-res stations mentioned that I can recall - there's some kind of city on Mars, the Kuiper Platform (perhaps near Neptune), and the shell being built around Uranus. So we can't assume RBs for Jupiter and Saturn came solely from humans living near them.

The Glossary in GTN goes out of its way to specify that "planets and gaseous bodies in space usually produce thalergenic radiation." It further says, "thalergy is produced by cellular growth and reproduction. Most planets, even ones without a biological mass of life, are thalergenic." So that's clear... The waters are further muddied by the explanation we get in HTN, where Harrow says thalergy "comes from the accumulation of microbial life" and John talks about how this produces a "communal soul". From the way John describes it, a revenant seems to the result from any swift planetary murder.

So thalergy is caused by an accumulation of microbial life which creates a communal planetary soul...but gaseous bodies also radiate thalergy?

I think there's two possibilities here.

The first is that we try to treat this as a properly sci fi endeavour to create a fantastical yet scientifically cohesive system, and we assume that perhaps that radiated thalergy Mercymorn describes relates to the idea that anything within the planet's gravitational orbit is part of its communal self. Perhaps the gas giants draw their thalergy from as-yet-undiscovered microbial life on their moons? Perhaps the sun is the sum of the solar system in some way?

The second is to assume that while this story is fiction that portrays scientific understandings in its fictional world, it is fundamentally a story about metaphysics. So the value of a moon is not determined by having a particular amount of microbial life or a specific relationship with another planet, but some mythological or metaphysical purpose - for the most part, moons aren't symbolically important to the story as it's being told.

So perhaps the moons of the solar system are part and parcel with the RBs of their planets.

[ernmark]

When I was in college, a friend of mine got a job at one of the campus help centers where they're supposed to help students who are struggling get their feet under them.

Based on his training there, he insisted that he wanted to have a similar session with me in order to Fix me.

(This speaks volumes about the help the other students were getting, I think.)

See, the entirety of his assistance was sitting with me and creating a nice, tidy little schedule for my life in fifteen-minute increments, with tidy little spots for daily workouts and weekly meal prep. And he kept getting frustrated with me for not being able to put my activities for the day in any order, or assign them specific periods of time, or being willing to commit to following this militant schedule to the letter.

He wouldn't hear the fact that I'm a writer-- I have no control over when the words come. Sometimes I'll be doing something Very Important and I'll have to put it on hold because if I don't write this line of dialogue down Right This Second it's going to make it impossible for me to focus at all. Sometimes I'll be staring at a blank word document for two hours and get a sentence and a half done. Sometimes it'll be three in the morning and I'll have been writing for five hours straight but I won't be able to sleep until I get it written.

He wouldn't hear the fact that I have debilitating depression, and sometimes it takes hours to gather enough energy just to get dressed.

He wouldn't hear the fact that I don't actually know how long something like cooking is going to take, because every recipe calls for completely different cook and prep time, and I can't predict what's going to be utterly unappetizing until I look in the fridge for that meal.

There was no accommodation for the fact that I have a sleep disorder, which between the depression and the rest, makes it damn well impossible to predict when I'll be able to start sleeping, or when I'd need to wake up in order to be rested.

And that's what it comes down to-- there was absolutely no leniency or accommodation for anything outside of that ultra-disciplined, hyper-regimented approach. There was no allowance made for neurodivergence or disability of any kind. Despite knowing me for years at that point, he couldn't understand why I just didn't Try Harder. Clearly I'd succeed if I just did it his way.

A few things that did actually help me, for the record:

When there's something that I Know is going to occupy the entirety of my brain until I do it, I just freakin' stop whatever else I'm doing and do it. In my case, that's usually writing down whatever bit is in my head, but also it can be getting out of bed to make sure I turned the stove off, or making sure I locked the door, or paying my credit card bills in the middle of the night, or whatever.

A lot of my executive dysfunction is exacerbated by sugar/protein levels, so I keep a supply of protein shakes on-hand. It doesn't necessarily fix my depressive episodes, but it gets me out of those loops where I can't do X until I do Y until I eat and I have to eat first because if I don't eat now then I won't be hungry for dinner and then blah blah blah.

On that note: I can't control when/how I sleep, but I can control how many meals I eat during a day and roughly when they happen. Eating regularly helps to make the rest of my natural rhythms a little more predictable.

I have a short list of foods that my household can reliably eat and try to keep the ingredients for that stocked.

I do actually do a little bit of scheduling-- I set aside a few-hour-block on two days of my week to work out. Not because I Must do it, but so that I'm not preoccupied with the constant background radiation of "I should be working out more". If it's not Monday or Friday, it's not going to happen.

Forgiving myself for not being at peak productivity levels at all times. My boss will get what I have it in me to give them, and not more. My writing might not be at its best all the time, but it's a hell of a lot better than a blank page. Pushing myself past my limits to adhere to an impossible standard only exacerbates all those other problems.

[cupidsdescendant]

Hii!! I saw your requests were open. May I request the mercs with a teen reader who was hired as a mercenary who ends up getting hurt in battle? Please and thank you!

Hurt! Teen Reader X Mercs (Platonic)

hi anon! Sure I'd love to ^w^ i think that's incredibly adorable. I decided to make it a platonic situation for obvious reasons but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

Scout:

-acts like a big brother, because you're still a teenager he has that kind of cool kid energy that radiates off him whenever you fight in battle together -always picks you back up, physically and mentally. He loves it because it feels like one of those motivational sports movies (specifically the training montages) -"C'mon Y/N we still got a minute on da clock!" He says as he reaches over to give you a hand. He always helps supports you when you have a limp leg also.

-if you're healing yourself or Medic is trying to patch you up he's always on the lookout and makes sure no one is in the way to interrupt

-Despite him hogging all the health kits he'll share them with you :)

-Giving shitty motivational speeches while you're bleeding on the floor he thinks those would work -"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up, Y/N..." he says staring into the sunset, holding his hand to his chest

Soldier:

-kind of like Scout but acts more like a general to an apprentice

-also gives motivational speeches but his are a little more violent... -"You think that's a loss? I've CRAPPED bigger losses than THAT!!!!!!" (BTW IF YOU KNOW WHICH SFM THAT QUOTE IS I LOVE YOU)

-“cmon we don’t got all day comrade! we must stay focused, we must stay together!” He says as he grabs you, running around the map

-“don’t let a scratch stop ya, Y/N” (your bones are literally sticking out)

-he stops whatever he's doing to patch you up

Sniper

-Snipes is the type of guy to only look out for himself. He's not willing to be helpful in the public eye.

-key word, public eye.

-He knows your hiding spots, so incase of emergencies he'll leave you a health kit.

-You never see him during battle, but after the match he'll pat you on the back for your fighting skills.

-"Good job out there."

"Nice shot on that field." He scatters compliments throughout your battles

-If you did happen to find him he'll wave at you from afar with a soft smile.

-Always looking out for you by sniping anyone near you

-Keeps you safe when you're injured <3

Heavy

-Heavy loses it when you're hurt in battle.

-In fact, he'll take you immediately out of the match and rest you somewhere safe.

-"you vill be okay, leetle one." He says with confidence. There's no way to argue with the man, you're just gonna have to deal with his helicopter mom tendencies.

-Hunts down whoever hurt you and continuously kills them

-"Are eyour hungry?" Two sandviches in his hands and a bright smile on his face. "you must eat up!"

-Screams at Medic to hurry up and help you

Medic

-He's used to injuries and deaths, so he can't help but feel default when you're injured.

-But he loves you, he's concerned about their health, them being his apprentice after all. So he has a little more sympathy than others

-Yes, he has a heart, but its not a very big one...he's dedicated more to figuring out what went wrong instead of your safety.

-"Ja, Y/N. Again!? Jou must be more careful- ooh hoo! your femur is sticking out!" cackling to himself as he takes out his saw.

-Pokes at your joints and bones, kinda plays around while you're in pain lol

-But once he patches you up fully, he'll pat you on your back. "Vell at least we know you're fighting-ha ha!" He'll hand you a medikit and let you be on your way.

-If he hears his named yelled by you he runs immediately!

Demoman

-"What did yer do to yerself this time?!" He spurs out.

-He always finds you with bruises and cuts, even broken bones. It freaks Demo out and he's not the type to sit down and help

-But he will run you over to Medic, carrying you in the bridal position and make sure you don't get hurt.

-"Yer really did it this time, Y/N. I beta not see you busted up again!"

-He lets you take swigs from his alcohol, though. "Thise'll help with tha pain."

-He's always on guard while Medic patches you up and looks out.

-"Yer good? GOOD!" A loud roar comes out of him and he grabs you, jumping back into the action.

Engineer

-Always helpful and worried for your safety ;w;

-When you ask for help he's always the first one to show up and support you

-"Now you stay still, Y/N. I can't have it get infected..." while Medic is busy he plays doctor with you, bandaging and cleaning your wounds.

-He sets up turrets that shoot anyone near you.

-After the battles he'll spend time taking care of you at the base

-"I made ya somethang..." His hands hold a tiny teacup with small tea biscuits on the corner. The rest of the night you both laugh and play games

-Engi is always there no matter what, and he insists on staying with you until you reach full recovery.

-Gives you additional advice on how to dodge bullets and weapons and trains you for the next few days.

Spy

-He thinks you're stupid for getting hurt lol.

-"Must you slow me down?!" He yells in a fit of rage, his face ircked. He stops being invisible and carries you over to Medic.

-He's not very helpful in battle, but after he'll talk to you more about training and practice.

-Thinks he's smug when he leaves a "How to Fight" book on your bed. "I thought ze'd like it!"

-"Now I know zou have a bigger brain than your competition, so don't let me down."

-He'll go invisible and watch you closely, making sure that you really are putting practice to the test.

-Even when you get hurt, he'll watch until you get up. If you don't, he'll sigh, reveal himself and rinse and repeat.

-He's still proud of you nonetheless :3

Pyro

-A real helpful pal! He kills everyone in site if they touch you :D

-Pyro is protective as well, but he's unhinged. Instead of killing, he'll brutally dismember his enemies and leave them half alive.

-He's always there for you no matter what!!!

-You both are a tag team, and if one person gets hurt, the other helps out.

-"mrrph murh murrp uhr!!!" (Thanks for the help, Y/N!!!"

-When you're hurt in battle, he comes and does his own DIY surgery with bandaids, sewing needles, and other miscellaneous items in his pockets

-you run to medic immediately to use real surgery tools because there's an 95% what Pyro used will infect and kill you

-Even though his help is...limited...he's gonna help despite it!

wow. i'm kinda stunned lol. this has been in my drafts for officially 2 years ;____; I'm glad I finished it, though. I hope you all love it. Sorry anon for legit being late!!! kissies and love xoxo

[gyummigon]

☆ moonlight | beomgyu

beomgyu x fem!reader

୨୧ word count: 2k ୨୧ genre: very very fluff, friends to ? ୨୧ n/a: writing this brought me back to life. maybe i rambled too much, but just letting the words flow made me feel warm and i hope it shows. on the other hand, english isn’t my first language, so i ask for your understanding for possible grammatical errors and such.

Thank you for the music by ABBA was playing on the radio in your father's old, beat-up truck. You were lying in the back of the car with Beomgyu beside you, enjoying the view of the night sky and the cold winter breeze that painted colorful puffs on his cheeks. A tattered blanket, that you had grabbed before leaving home in a hurry, lay under their bodies, which were close enough to give you goosebumps.

The engine of the car made your body vibrate. You sank into your thoughts for a few minutes, admiring Beomgyu's beauty as he stood with his gaze lost in the firmament. The moon cast a soft silvery light on his eyes, evoking a feeling of tenderness and serenity in them.

You were aware that the serenity that radiated from him on this particular night could only be found in similar circumstances, at specific times, in specific places, and with the necessary level of intimacy. Then his mouth would pause slightly, no longer showing his teeth in those flashy smiles that were typical of him, his lips would relax to the rhythm of his mind and a calm line would take its place, leaving his playful and joyful side until the moment he felt ready to awaken it again.

Beomgyu's boisterous personality used to be a constant presence and you were more than accustomed to it, but when it disappeared, you couldn't help but wonder what lay beneath the surface. Who was he when he was alone, with no one to smile at or joke with? Who was he when he was lost in his thoughts, completely vulnerable to his thoughts and his surroundings?

As you stared at him, you felt as if you were sinking into a pool of endless calm and compassion, unable to be anyone without the answers to these questions. This made you feel exposed, as if you had little of yourself and the breeze kissed the innermost part of your mind, taking away everything coherent and leaving only that which involved the boy next to you; your longing to share with him the purest, the most intimate, wanting to belong to each other and to find through touch the most delicate parts of his soul.

You shook your head slightly, trying to dispel the thoughts that were beginning to overwhelm you. It didn't feel right to have this kind of longing for him that went beyond friendship, but your feelings had grown to a point where you couldn't do anything to stop them.

Beomgyu broke the silence with a soft, warm laugh, his voice echoing in your ears and making you shiver. "What are you thinking about?" he asked and his hand brushed over yours in a gentle gesture. Your heart pounded at his touch as you fought to keep your composure.

"I was thinking... about how profoundly calm you become at times," you replied, trying to sound casual. Beomgyu nodded, but his gaze remained fixed on you, as if he could see through your words. "You haven't said much," you muttered and looked up, unable to bear the closeness of his face.

A silence stretched between the two of you for a few seconds, causing you to look at him with furrowed brows. Beomgyu's lips curved into a relaxed smile when you met his eyes again. Now, from the side, you could see the wind ruffling his beautiful face, making the strands of his messy hair dance and expose more of his smooth skin, tempting you to reach out and stroke it.

He looks spectacular, you thought.

"Do you mind if I snuggle with you?" Beomgyu suddenly said, moving closer to you and wrapping his arms around you.

You felt overwhelmed by his presence, by his warmth burning in and out of you; but you said nothing, just gave him a forced smile. Beomgyu didn't seem to notice your discomfort, or maybe he did, but decided not to make a big deal out of it. Instead, he made himself comfortable and invited you to do the same.

"Look at the stars," he said, pointing to the sky. "They are so beautiful."

"They are," you replied, leaning back against his chest and feeling his heart beat against your cheek. You both lay in silence, enjoying each other's warmth and the soft sound of the background music mixed with the sound of the car's engine. From time to time, Beomgyu would move slightly, shifting his position or adjusting the blanket to better cover you. Every time he did that, your heart skipped a beat.

"I'm pretty as well, right? " you heard him ask with a smile.

For some unknown reason, his question made you blush and you looked away, trying to focus on the sky. Too drunk on your own emotions, too unaware of what you were showing to keep this situation casual.

"So annoying," you said lowly, referring to your own reaction and not wanting Beomgyu to hear it, which was illogical considering the short distance between your bodies.

"There, there, don't be mad. Smile," he said as he brought one of his fingers to your cheek and stretched it upwards. "Smile."

The touch of his hand on your skin was warm and soft. You froze for a moment, feeling fragile and disoriented under his touch. It had always been like this, a constant game in which you were the cold one and Beomgyu was the warm one. It was not difficult for him to destroy you bit by bit, he was clueless and naive and had no idea what he was doing with such simple actions. However, sometimes you had the feeling that he knew more than he was showing and did not hesitate to take advantage of it.

You fought not to flinch and smiled a forced smile, not avoiding the bitterness in the gesture. Beomgyu didn't ignore it, he jerked his hand away and gave it a shake.

"Agh, how horrible. Better not do it again," he joked.

"You know, you're cute, but too unbearable," you murmured the last sentence between your teeth, almost whispering. Although he understood you, Beomgyu moved his face closer to yours, as if he wanted to hear you better, and batted his eyelashes.

"Is that a compliment?" He raised his eyebrows as the smile on his face became more pronounced. Before you could answer, he added, "Oww, you're pretty too."

You almost laughed at his nerve to speak in a sly voice when his ears were flushed. You didn't want to get your hopes up. You knew that Beomgyu was a kind and caring boy for everyone, not just for you. Maybe it was just that you were reading too much into his gestures and his words. Maybe you were the one who was in love.

You remained silent for a few seconds, and when you finally found the courage, you stepped back a little and looked at him. "So, how did your date with that girl turn out?"

Beomgyu looked at you for a few seconds, a little surprised by the sudden topic. You didn't want to ruin the moment, and you certainly didn't want to involve your feelings in the confidentiality that his friendship granted you, but you couldn't ignore the question that hovered in your head any longer.

"Um... a bit boring," he answered thoughtfully, "I don't think we're very compatible or whatever".

"I see," you said, feeling a small relief at his words. "Well, I'm sure you'll find someone you can connect with or whatever."

Beomgyu smiled but said nothing more. Silence spread between the two of you again, but this time it felt different, less natural. You felt exposed to his gaze, but you couldn't look away. It was as if he was reading your thoughts, as if he knew everything in your mind: his name throbbing in every nook and cranny.

To say that you were fascinated by his existence would be an understatement. You found in Beomgyu what you sometimes found in art, in the sublime, in the possibility of a new world; what you could only find in one of your alternate mental realities, which, not free of anguish, were exquisite in their own way.

For you saw it, and you were then a foolish romantic, admiring with your intoxicated eyes the features of your beloved, revealing the magical and the beautiful as a piece of heaven made of flesh. And there was no better time than the night, when the moonlight revealed the true beauty of his soul and alluded to the most intimate secrets that lay hidden.

In your trance, then embarrassing but no less inspiring and dreamy, you heard Beomgyu call your name and it was as if every deep part of you was called from the outside and he took possession of it. You looked at him and lost yourself for a second in the small smile on his face.

"When I look at you... do I look like a fool too?"

"No, you always look like a fool," you replied, hiding your embarrassment behind a wry smile and feeling your heart pounding in your chest.

Beomgyu frowned at your words but didn't seem to be bothered. Instead, he moved a little closer, took your hand in his and looked into your eyes. "I feel the same way," he mused in his soft, warm voice.

You didn't have time to think about the meaning of those words because the mood was interrupted when the song on the radio changed to Champagne Supernova by Oasis. Beomgyu's deep, leisurely voice following the lyrics of the song reached your ears and crept up to a place in your chest. You were instantly hit by a feeling of immense bliss, so intense and superior to all others that you thought you would never experience such a sensation again. After a life of remorse and regret, you finally found a sense of belonging in that harmonious voice. And for that brief moment, for those minutes of glory that the song lasted, you belonged to the world, to Beomgyu, to heaven, and to everything that witnessed that great act of love and longing.

After a while, the van stopped and your father leaned out of the window to let you know that you had reached your destination. With a sigh, Beomgyu got up and helped you out of the car. As you walked together towards the lake, you couldn't help but look at him sideways and fill your head with the cheesiest thoughts you probably ever had for a guy.

"Maybe you should watch the road instead of me?" he asked in a mocking tone when he saw you almost tripping over your own feet.

"Shut up," you snorted a little embarrassed as you rolled your eyes. "Just... you have something suspicious on your face."

When he heard you, Beomgyu's eyes went wide. "What? Take it off."

"Let's see..." Beomgyu paused and looked at you with uneasy eyes as you approached him. You looked at his face for a moment before hitting his forehead with your index finger and walking away. "I can't, it's stupid..." you said with a tone of false resignation that made him laugh and kick you gently.

Before you could go any further, he grabbed your arm and gave you a teasing smile. "Want to see who gets to the lake first?" he proposed, pointing to the path that stretched out before you. "Last one there has to dip their feet in the cold water."

"You're still like children..." you heard your father say a few meters away, causing the two of you to separate for a moment. You looked at Beomgyu, whose cheeks were slightly flushed, and you did not hesitate to make fun of him.

"Sir, your daughter is bothering me," he said before starting to run.

"Hey, that's cheating!"

© gyummigon | all rights reserved. copying or adaptation prohibited

[paragonrobits]

periodically i come across some baffling discourse centered around the earliest parts of Immortal Hulk: specifically, characters like the gunman and immortal scientist father from the first couple of issues of Immortal Hulk, during a point where we don't really know WHAT the Devil Hulk is actually up to and we have to piece together the rumblings of the plots, with Jackie McGee as arguably our viewpoint character (since while we see Bruce's perspective, we have no more clue of what's going on with him, and McGee puts the pieces together)

specifically, the discourse i find inexplicable is people arguing that those two antagonists were unfairly victimized by the Devil Hulk or that it would be in character for him to be sympathetic towards them instead of the brutal torments he visits upon them as punishments for their crimes (murdering several people in a gas station robbery including a young girl, and killing a lot of people personally and by extension) and I find this kind of argument to be incredibly baffling!

This is also compared to Charlene MacGowen, whom is recruited by the Hulk after she is previously a member of a group hunting the Hulk and experimenting on gamma mutants; the Hulk hires her after taking over the group, rather than tormenting or killing her has he does previously. I've seen people try to argue that Hulk SHOULD have done the same with those previous characters, or think its unfair of them.

And the rebuttal to this, starting with 'of course he didn't, they deserved what they got' amounts to a few different points. The first is that Immortal Hulk is a horror story. The Devil Hulk is very explicitly a horrifying force of retribution; when he brutalizes the gas station robber by beating him so badly he will be in a coma for the rest of his life, or rips the limbs off an undying man and leaves him to rot underground, deprived of all sensory input forever, its SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable and horrifying, if a twisted form of justice.

The second part of it involves a bit of analysis.

The robber, well, robs a gas station to pay off debts. He's scared, trying to provide for his family and in over his head; he's thus a scared man whose murders are partially a result of panic. However, Hulk's insight all but states that he killed because he wanted to kill people to feel strong. He discusses how the man was at the target range, tempted by the thought of letting that power loose. He killed several people, including a young child not too different from his own child, not because he was scared... but because he WANTED the power of it, to kill just because he could. Tellingly, when the Hulk outright says so, he loses his nerve and instead of trying to argue or justify himself, pleads for mercy. He asks "I'm not a bad man... am I?" And the Hulk simply leers and asks what he thinks, the implication being that he IS, and he knows it, as the Hulk delivers his gruesome fate.

The scientist is initially less malicious; afraid of death, he created a gamma-based treatment to save himself and his son, but when he injected his son with it, killed him on the spot, and over time, his own treatments mutated him into a gamma mutant; an undying man with his skeleton visible through his skin, death incarnate. His crimes are two-fold; beyond accidentally killing his son, his son... didn't stay dead. He's still alive down there, insane from the sensory isolation, while his radioactive body is killing everyone who comes to the graveyard to mourn, suffering lethal radiation poisoning.

To quote Hulk himself, "How many died because you were scared!?"

That's not the end of it though; the scientist is also deliberately and explicitly murdering everyone who comes across him to cover up what's happened to him, and he has killed a lot of people this way.

This is where we come to MacGowen. She's not particularly innocent compared to them, working for the primary antagonist of the comic at that point, but the crucial difference is that while she, just like them, has largely been forced in to her situation, there is one very big difference.

The gas station robber did the robbery to pay of a debt and care for his family, but he also killed multiple people because he wanted the power of it, needlessly doing so just so he could feel big and tough. The scientist accidentally killed his son and a LOT of other people due to radiation poisoning, but he also deliberately killed many other people to cover up what he had become, even though this served no purpose.

In the same situation, MacGowen actively tries to minimize the suffering of gamma mutants she's studying (specifically the scientist's son, driven to insanity by the deprivation and experiments performed on him too), going out of her way to do so. She puts herself at significant risk to do this, fully aware that other people working in the same organization are facing horrible suffering and punishment for going against orders, and she is DELIBERATELY doing so, doing the best she can even as it means her potential death.

She goes the extra mile to try to comfort and minimize suffering, even when its not actually going to do her any good, and might outright get her killed, but she still does it. This is the reason why, I think, the Devil Hulk chooses to recruit her.

The robber and scientist didn't minimize any suffering; they outright killed people because they could, or because they were scared. MacGowan goes out of her way to help others, at very serious personal risk, after being stuck in a bad situation with no real hope of things getting better for herself. The Devil Hulk's sense of justice is uncompromising and cold, demanding accounting for the crimes you've commited, and the first two here answer him by first making excuses and then weakly begging for mercy, pleading that they don't deserve it, and he is unmoved. MacGowan doesn't make any such excuses, but just does the only thing she feels she can, which Devil Hulk actually DOES respect.

In other words, from a moral perspective, they're weak and cowardly, hurting others and then begging for a mercy they never shared with anyone. They're puny. And as Joe Fixit himself later says, the likes of McGee (and later, MacGowan) ain't puny.

[etrsilk]

hello! could i request the main four with a kuudere reader? a kuudere is basically someone who is reserved, stoic, and appears to not have any emotions

its okay if not, i just think this a cute idea⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

₊✩‧₊˚ ᡣ𐭩 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ⇝ 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐤𝐮𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙡𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙨: 𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘢,𝘎𝘰𝘯,𝘒𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘬𝘢,𝘓𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘰

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 — ✘

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚 — 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

⎝ 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚:: Of course ! and thank you for explaining it to me because I had no idea what a Kuudere was😭 btw I like specific requests! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

 —𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ To be honest, at first, your stoic and emotionless demeanor didn’t really appeal to him, or at least it left him indifferent.

➘ I mean, he’s spent his whole life around stoic and emotionless people (shout out to Illumi) sooo 😭

➘ HOWEVER, over time, he began to appreciate this side of you. He realized that someone could be incredibly kind and caring while still having your stoic personality.

➘ Of course, sometimes he wishes you would show a bit more emotion, but it’s just not a big deal if you don’t. He loves and knows you so well that you don’t need to be expressive for him to understand you.

➘ Secretly, he finds this aspect of your personality very adorable. That little mystery surrounding you, that unique way of being yourself without compromise

 —𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐈𝐊𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ At first, it wasn’t something he particularly appreciated or found intriguing, but he quickly got used to this aspect of your personality!

➘ Moreover, even though Kurapika is not a Kuudere, he completely understands you because, in a way, he is a bit like you…

➘ But as time goes by, he loves your Kuudere side more and more. He has learned to appreciate the hidden sweetness behind your stoic facade and finds this contrast incredibly charming. Every small gesture of affection, every rare but genuine smile, makes him so happy.

➘ He admires the quiet strength and serenity you radiate. It brings him a sense of peace and security, something he greatly needs in his tumultuous life. With you, he has found a balance between his quest for justice and the moments of tenderness you share.

➘ Kurapika has discovered that your distant exterior hides a tenderness and emotional depth that deeply touch him. This discovery makes your relationship even more precious in his eyes. He loves how you stay true to yourself.

 —𝐆𝐎𝐍ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ Your stoic and cold demeanor made you mysterious, and that intrigued him, sparking his curiosity and interest

➘ It might surprise some, but Gon is actually quite adept at understanding, analyzing, and deciphering the emotions of others, despite his somewhat clumsy nature

➘ So, your subtle way of communicating didn’t really bother him (and he’s somewhat used to it with Killua)

➘ In fact, I think he’s the one who finds this side of you the cutest. He sees beyond your cold and stoic facade, and he’s touched by the gentleness and depth of your feelings that you reveal little by little. Every little smile, every tender gesture, is a precious moment for him.

➘ Gon admires your quiet strength and your ability to stay calm in all situations. It brings him a sense of serenity and security. He loves discovering new facets of your personality every day, making your relationship even more special.

➘ Your mystery and subtlety are part of what makes you unique in his eyes. Gon loves how you stay true to yourself, and he finds your authenticity incredibly charming. This sincere appreciation of your stoic side strengthens his love for you every day.

 —𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐎ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ At first, honestly, it puzzled him a bit. To be truthful, this side of you even irritated him at times…

➘ Leorio is someone who doesn’t always know how to read people’s emotions and is naturally clumsy. So, being with someone stoic who doesn’t show their feelings… it was a unique experience.

➘ But over time, he began to see things differently. What seemed frustrating at first became a cherished quality.

➘ Leorio learned to read the small gestures, the discreet glances, and the rare smiles that speak volumes about your feelings. He discovered that behind your stoic exterior lies a rich emotional world that he deeply appreciates.

➘ As time went on, he learned to know you, to perceive your emotions, and to understand what you feel. This journey you’ve taken together has strengthened your bond, making your relationship even more precious and meaningful.

—English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes!!

[witchinatree]

making a list of my favorite quote/ones that stuck with me from each season 1 episode because i feel like it

(i'm starting this after episode 4 but it will be a WHILE before i post it)

episode 1: "bones are a lie peddled by Big Milk" - alice

i love this one because it's a great introduction to alice i think. also it radiates spiral so i hope we get avatar alice not dead alice (isnt there a podcast called alice isnt dead?)

episode 2: "If I wanted to clear the canvas, I would have used turpentine." - statement

this one was just fucking powerful and caught me so off guard like 😶

episode 3: "What would I do without her?" - statement

the norris statement <3 it feels like martin asking what he would do without jon which makes mag200 a lot sadder and i love them

episode 4: "Perhaps you shall prove a stronger will than I, and will yet find it within yourself to destroy this hungry thing of wood and cat-gut." - statement

augustus sighting #1 and we immediately get jonah magnus expressing that it may be possible for gwen bouchard unknown family member to overcome the eye's hunger spooky violin

episode 5: "Voyeur needs to be seen to be believed." - statement

i feel like this one is pretty reflective of how the seasons gonna go? like if you explain the events of tma (mag200 specifically) no one's gonna believe you, it must be seen to be believed!! and also seen!! like the eye!!!

episode 6: "Not sca- This isn’t some poxy blood test, some little pinprick, this is hundreds, thousands of razor sharp points pushing into your flesh." - needles

i love needles so much and i thought this was really funny because it was like "you dont find me scary!! what the fuck!!!" just kind of toddler michael energy

episode 7: "It’s not like we’re wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders." - celia

STOP IT. celia you can't say that you just cannot!!!!!! you Know™ too much maam i cant with you

episode 8: "Pleasure to meet you both. I’m Gerry!"

RAGHHHHH OH MY GOD GERRY!!!! i love him so much and idk how to handle him being alive in the tmagp universe!! gertrude too but idk we got so much of her in tma and not nearly enough of gerry

episode 9: "And honestly, it’s kind of compelling by this point." - sam

they got him 😔😔 the horrors got sam 😔😔 also i found this to be an interesting contrast to jon's heavy resistance in season 1 like he was being compelled but he wasn't going to let anyone know that vs sam "its kinda compelling to trauma dump on this paperwork :]" how is he somehow even more victim material

episode 10: "Gosh you’re sexy, here’s a twenty for your trouble.” - alice

does this count as a quote if shes also quoting what she thinks sam should say? idk anyway i love her i would say that to her if given the chance and it was very silly. i will not be addressing bonzo i am scared.

episode 11: "...Thank you, Alice" - gwen

dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard. okay also, the way she CRUMBLED at the idea of anyone doing anything nice for her please someone give her a hug and let it be ME. this series is tossing me back and forth between sam & alice (what is their ship name) and dyhard but this put me back to dyhard

episode 12: "You know it's rude to have absolutely no game?" - alice

she's so fucking funny i need her to be okay so badly!!!! i don't think even tim made me laugh as much as she makes me chuckle and this one really got me. it's hard to write such a comedic character in a podcast since you only have the voice but they really nailed it i adore her

episode 13: "Is it my fault?" - gwen

each of these episodes just reveal a little bit more about how loving and soft gwen is and idk i love her so unbelievably much so seeing that she felt guilt about the bonzo stuff just made her so much more real :(

episode 14: "Christ, they’re in the walls…" - statement

theyre in the walls!!! theyre in the goddamn walls!!!!! anyway that got me because i realized the hole before the statement said it. made more sad than scared tbh

episode 15: "Babies are cool!" - alice this entire interaction between her and sam & celia was so awkward, she is so obvious and i love her anyway

episode 16: "It’s not like I was holding doors open for Mr Bonzo or anything." - gwen my wife is so so so stupid but i adore her AND this gives room for character development. i wish she did not do that though. i love when characters are flawed and have depth but i struggled to get past THIS flaw of hers

episode 17: "Thanks, I guess. Not exactly the same, though, is it?" - celia shes talking TO JON IN THE COMPUTER. SHE KNOWS. i lost my damn mind i love her i love her. get the gay people out of the puter please queen

episode 18: "Why would I need to talk to you? Your work is satisfactory. Unless you have a work-related issue I could assist you with?" - lena solidified my opinion that lena is the best boss to ever have, i adore her and i would want to work for her if she wasn't the boss of Creepy Establishment #1

episode 19: "You’re going to throw it in the fishtank, aren’t you?" - alice colin's behavior is like really worrying BUT i'm glad he's back. i was not convinced he was still alive

episode 20: "I suppose it’s too late for remorse, isn’t it? And why should I be sorry? This is what I deserve!" - ink5oul/statement they reminded me of jon a lot, like especially his season 3/4 transformation when he doesn't quite know everything but he knows he isn't who he was in season 1 anymore, i hope we see more of their life and they can be helped :(

episode 21: [Tape Recorder Bites Ink5oul] - audio description i know it's not technically a quote but this is just so fucking funny. why does it have teeth. what does this mean for the lore. holy shit.

episode 22: "Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood" - celia. knawing at the walls of my enclosure i am so not okay. i'm not okay. wtf. wtf. wtf. they're real. wtf.

episode 23: "I had a favorite mug. It said “love you, bitch” and had a picture of a drunk dog on it." - alice. okay i just love this entire interaction because gwen got to open up a little bit and my dyhard heart is so full

episode 24: "I am told that children like me, and I’ve always held the opinion that the world would be a better place if everyone just thought more." - basira. once again this whole interaction was so fun but like idk i loved hearing basira somewhat happy and in a safe place :] my wife <3

episode 25: " I am trying to help, to save us from this goddamned fucking nightmare machine!" - colin. MAN I REALLY WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!!! I WAS SO CONFIDENT YOU WEREN'T GONNA DIE!!!! it's over

episode 26: "I was worrying for a moment that you were Magnussing." - alice. MAGNUSSING BEING CANON MADE ME SAY IT EVEN MORE I'VE SAID IT LIKE TWICE ALREADY

episode 27: "You didn’t tell me the room was labelled, “Archivist.”" - celia. oooooh somebody's got TRAUMAAAAA LMAO

episode 28: "So you’re telling me you know nothing about an OIAR external contract being found with the bodies of two tattooed thugs who met rather grisly ends?" - TREVOR HERBERT???? anyway. ink5oul mention!!!!! i hope they stop killing people it's really rude

episode 29: "Alice, er… we’ve got to talk. It’s important." - teddy. i knew it was over for him but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad??? bye babe i guess??? 😭

episode 30: how do i even pick. the whole fucking episode. i can't. i am in a state of shock. i need to lay down for 30 years.

[o-sunny-day]

OKAY SO

I have very strong feelings twords this animation. such strong feelings that i understand i have no other option than to respond through needlessly wordy paragraphs, and horrific reaction images that perfectly encapsulate emotions felt deep within my soul (that this AU, for whatever reason, tears out every single time without mercy.)

Enjoy. (if you want.)

There are 2 moments in this that stood out to me in the reactions department, so I wanna analyze them specifically, before going over some extra smaller things

THIS ONE FIRST.

the lyrics OUUUUUUUGGGHH THE LYRICS.

“To Run Away Is Easy, Its The Leaving Thats Hard.” is such a RAW LINE im obsessed with it, and Wingdings having DOUBT on his face is what gave me such an **AAAAAAA** reaction.

im pretty confident in saying that within the AU, this’d be about how disconnected he has become due to what he knows now. How RUNNING AWAY feels like the only option in surviving this nightmare-scenario he’s found himself in. Your entire reality being proven to just be code within the very machines you’ve based your entire life off of.

But then Wingdings also finds he has doubts about running away from that, due to- yknow- LEAVING HIS LOVED ONES N ALL THAT. Leaving everything behind is easy, but leaving everyONE behind is hard

But- with the doubt being the reason why I had such strong feelings towards this scene in the first place… I HAD NO IDEA WHY WHY I WAS SURPRISED. I never suspected Wingdings to be an over the top movie monster who has no concern for his actions and how they will affect people, if anything id think he’s oblivious to that kind of thing. Willingly ignorant. But for some reason, seeing him have this doubt just made me go “HEEEEEYYYYYYUH”

But I think thats mainly because, Its not something I was waiting for. it surprised me in a way, that I REALLYYYY LIKE it makes me consider a new perspective that I only felt subconsciously, AND I LOVE IT!!!

NEXT PART! THE WORST PART! THE PART THAT MAKES MY STOMACH SINK!

the WINGDINGS. AND SANS. AND ALPHYS. BEING HAPPY.

If this was any other fandom or story, id just be like “ye.” BUT I CARE ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS TOO MUCH TO JUST BLOW THIS OFF LIKE THAT

Just the pure JOY smile that Wingdings has as hes face palming, Alphys’ mannerisms…SANS. Its all just such a human moment with these characters, it feels so natual. ITS BEAUTIFUL. then Wingdings had to fuck it all up >:(

The expressions are so vivid I feel like I can tell what each character is thinking and feeling and it makes my heart break. Again, the PURE JOY SMILE. Wingdings giving genuine smiles like that makes me just

and Sans looking at him makes me think hes just so in the moment hes just so HAPPYYY. THEYRE SO HAPPY.

ONTO SOME SMALLER BUT JUST AS IMPORTANT RANTS:

The part in the song/animation where it goes “Running away is easy…..Running away is easy, its the living thats hard” work SOOO well together ITS LIKE A SYMPHONY OF ANGST

Running away is easy: Wingdings DOING THE RUNNING AWAY and turning into Gaster, (I JUST NOTICED SOMETHING IM FREAKING OUT GOD THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL i love how when Gasters face is revealed, the eyes are smaller like WINGDINGS’, before SPLITTING OPEN AAAAAAA)

Its the living thats hard: Papyrus LIVING WITH WINGDINGS’ MISTAKES!!!

Also not to mention in that part, Papyrus’ gloved hand coming over his ungloved one like Papyrus replacing Wingdings OOOOO????

And now, the last little part I wanna talk about is a bit of a sequel to the Science Gang being happy rant. This song… has so many raw lines- idk why but “loving you was easy”/any other similar sentiment makes me FEEL FEELINGS, they very much hurt. This was made to hurt me personally. This entire AU was made to hurt me personally.

I enjoy that scene radiating a feeling of- Sans was perfectly happy. He wouldnt have had it any other way- but it was torn away from him. NOW HES HAPPY AGAIN OFC!!! But yeah- Wingdings leaving did scar. AUGH I LOVE IT!!! IT HURTS SO MUCH!!! IM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

in conclusion: ☹️

ok I also wanna include this- cause I think this clip perfectly exemplifies the feelings I get when the Forgettable AU updates and why I make so many deep dives as my decent into insanity is recorded through Tumblr blog posts

(Clip from Danny Gonzalez’ Youtube video: The Ratatouille Knockoff From Your Nightmares)

[adobe-outdesign]

Pteri or grarrl review when you have the time? Whichever out of the two you most feel like doing

(I can do both in two parts, but for right now I'll do the Pteri.)

The Pteri is one of several bird Neopets, but surprisingly all of the other birds are specific, distinct species (penguin, owl, etc.), making the Pteri surprisingly unique for just being a normal songbird. Another thing that's unique is that the Pteri has a long non-feathered tail, almost like a Zafara; a very unique addition for a bird and one that gives it a lot more flavor than it would have otherwise.

In terms of design, the Pteri uses a simple three-color palette; base color on top, creamy accents on the underbelly and inside wing, and a complimentary shade of yellow for the beak and feet. The eyes also have these unique fire-y markings to them that accent the underbelly. My only real issue with the design is that the two head feathers don't share the same shape as any of the other feathers, and look both too long and too thin to be read as just fluff. Otherwise, it's a solid design.

The Pteri hasn't changed much through conversion, outside of gaining more distinct chest fluff and slightly longer, fuller wings. I like the overall rounded shape of the original a bit more, but I also really like the 3/4s few the converted is in; having it be front-facing in the older artwork makes the details of the design harder to see. (Also, a moment of appreciation that they just subtly cupped the converted Pteri's wing instead of trying to give it hands or something. Hissi, take notes.)

Favorite Colours:

Faerie: The Faerie Pteri is simply beautiful, and everyone knows it. Instead of having butterfly wings tacked onto it, it instead runs with the bird idea by adding extra feathers to the tail, kind of like a mini peacock, and also adding more to the head and wings. It uses a gorgeous yellow as its primary color and accents it with white, orange, red, and purple, with the colors radiating outward in layers. The design also compliments the natural eye markings with additional markings around the entire eye as well as on the head and tail, and adds some lovely eye spots on the tail as well.

The converted version technically follows the same design as the original, minus the additional eye markings, but honestly the UC/styled pose shows off the markings better and has more flow to boot, making it far superior by default.

Darigan: Unlike Faerie, the converted Darigan Pteri doesn't look that great. The design is technically accurate to the original, but trying to make those features work on the default body shape just isn't happening, and a lot of detail got lost in the shading and highlights in the process.

However, the UC/styled version is really cool. It's one of the few tan Darigan pets that I don't wish were purple, with black accents for the finest feathers and red eyes for contrast. The long feathers and more raptor-like body shape really work well, and the talons on the hind feet are accented by the beak and various spikes. I also appreciate the subtle spotting.

Valentine: Not as fancy as the other two, but the Valentine's Pteri is quite nice; a mostly pink body with a subtle white gradient that transitions into heart markings. Like most good Valentine pets, it subtly integrates hearts into areas like the chest feathers, head feathers, and eye markings, and doesn't feel overly cluttered. I do think that the tail should've also been a heart, and something about the face reads as faintly sunburned to me, but it's still a nice color overall.

BONUS: The mutant Pteri is one of those mutants that's just a little too busy to be one of my all-time favs, but I do like it a lot. The cockatrice-esq body shape is super distinct and looks appropriately mutant-ish, and the teal, yellow, and red palette works great; not to mention the actual art quality is really good as well, with some lovely shading and linework. I do feel like the details should've been trimmed back—lose the long arm fingers, lose the red things on the tail (maybe just keep the final cream segment red instead), drop the patterning, maybe even make the wing feathers cream to break up the design a bit. Still, pretty good overall.