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adidastain · 1 year ago

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just you and me

90s matt stone x fem reader

warnings: implied smut, alcohol use

notes: first person perspective (I, me, my, etc.)

word count: 2217

—

“Oh, Trey! Ah!”

I looked over at the man sitting next to me. He was pinching his nose bridge, groaning slightly.

A laugh escaped through my nose as the sound of steady thumping filled the room. My friend and I were over at her boyfriend’s house to watch football, and she sort of ditched the living room with her boyfriend to go fuck upstairs. Now I was left alone with Trey’s roommate, Matt, who seemed just as awkward as me.

My friend practically screamed, before I could hear Trey shushing her. I shook my head and Matt took his glasses off to run his palms over his face.

“Jesus Christ,” he exhaled, laughing slightly. I giggled and stood up to make my way towards the kitchen.

“You want a beer?” I asked, rummaging through their refrigerator.

“No thanks,” he huffed, standing up as well.

Matt joined me in the kitchen to toss an empty beer can in the recycling. Their kitchen was quite small, so he sort of had to shimmy past me and I swear I felt our hips brush together.

“Can you hand me that cheese?” he said.

The only cheese I could see in the fridge was a little bag of shredded cheese, labeled “Four-Cheese Mexican Blend.”

I watched him as he poured a pile of chips onto a plate, before sprinkling cheese on top and throwing it all in the microwave.

“Did you see me on Master Chef last season?” he asked, grinning. Thumping continued steadily upstairs.

“I knew you looked familiar,” I said, playing along with his joke. Matt giggled and looked down at his feet, shuffling in his position.

I watched him nibble at his fingernails as silence filled the room. He seemed so shy all the sudden; I guess that was just from the fact that we didn’t really know each other and only just met a few hours ago.

My friend had told me about him a couple times and suggested I go out with him. I think she just wanted someone to go on double dates with. It sounded pretty ridiculous, but I guess after actually meeting him I’d maybe feel better about it.

He seemed like the funny type; I could tell he and Trey were practically inseparable. They were perfect for each other. But Trey was loud, and Matt definitely wasn’t.

“It’s been five minutes now,” Matt said, looking at his watch.

“They usually go for about twenty,” I added. “Supposedly.”

Matt laughed softly. He had a cute laugh, sort of. The gap between his front teeth really did a lot for him as far as charm went.

Suddenly, the microwave beeped and he presented his award-winning dish to me. The cheese melted into one big glob that bound a bunch of chips together as well.

“Nachos,” Matt beamed.

I giggled and rolled my eyes slightly. This guy was a total dork. My friend did tell me it was time I gave dorky guys a chance, since all three of my previous boyfriends were either jocks or models. But they all sucked, so maybe she was right.

Matt picked apart the glob of chips and cheese, snacking idly. He never went back to the couch though, so long as I was still in the kitchen. I could hear Trey groaning loudly above us, while my friend whimpered and moaned with each thud.

“Great game, huh?” I asked, breaking the silence so we wouldn’t have to listen to our friends having sex for the next, who knows how many minutes.

“Yeah,” Matt said. “The uh, Ravens are really kicking ass tonight.”

He somehow kept a straight face. I guess I was a little buzzed and delirious after having one beer, but to be honest, anything was funnier than listening to people fuck.

“I don’t know anything about football,” I admitted, picking at my fingernails.

“Me neither,” he snorted. “I like basketball. And hockey.”

“Hockey’s cool,” I agreed.

Silence again. Except for the thumping and creaking and moaning.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, gripping my face with my hands. I ran my fingers through my hair, leaning forward to sort of curl up like a shrimp.

“They always do this when she’s over,” Matt sighed, his voice hushed. “Wouldn’t you think, y’know… maybe they’d get bored of it?”

I threw my hands up. “Exactly!” I huffed.

“I guess I can’t really say anything, though,” he mumbled.

“Why not?” I asked, rubbing my forehead.

Matt bit his lip, staring down at his feet. “I wouldn’t turn down getting laid.”

“Well, duh,” I snorted. “But would you ditch your friend to have sex? At a stranger’s house?”

Matt shook his head.

“Exactly,” I whined.

“If you wanna leave, I can drive you home or something-“ Matt offered.

I shook my head. “It’s fine. They’ll be done soon. Hopefully.”

“Okay,” he laughed.

I sighed again, letting my gaze linger on him for a few seconds. I studied the way the fabric of his shirt hung from his shoulders, which were slightly slanted and very broad. The fabric caught on his collarbone and clung to the muscles in his chest, which weren’t huge, but still prominent. The rest of his body seemed to drown in the shirt; he looked skinny but his chest and arms were fairly toned.

Matt’s eyes caught mine and I actually blushed. He simply smiled like a dork. He really was quite cute…

That’s when I got my brilliant idea.

“Wanna make out?” I asked, taking a step towards him.

Matt’s eyes widened and he snorted. His body shifted to the side, shoulders shrugging as he stepped closer. “Sure.”

I bit my lip and carefully grabbed his hands, letting my body naturally gravitate towards his while I stared into his eyes. I could see now that he had dark green irises behind those big glasses.

Before I knew it, his lips met mine in a very gentle, ghostlike peck as he tested the waters. Matt reached up to caress my neck; his hands felt absolutely colossal in comparison to my slim frame. They were warm too.

I was shocked at how gentle he was being. We kissed so carefully, barely grazing each other’s lips and taking our time.

However, after moving my hands from his arms to his waist, I pulled him closer by the hips and stood on my tiptoes, attempting to deepen our kiss and build more passion between us. I wanted to feel his desire and see just how good he was at this.

It was then that Matt started holding his breath. As I kissed him deeper and opened my mouth slightly, I could feel his muscles tense up and he became hesitant to move. It seemed he focused most of his attention on moving his mouth in time with mine, strangled exhales escaping his lips every few seconds when we’d pull away in between kisses.

My hand slid up his torso to caress his face as I leaned back and looked into his eyes. His face was slightly pink and his lips were parted.

“You’re a pretty good kisser,” I smiled, glancing at his soft, warm lips.

Matt grinned, tooth gap on full display. “Not so bad yourself,” he said softly.

I let my hands fall to squeeze his biceps. “But you’re all tense,” I told him.

“Am I not allowed to be a little nervous?” he laughed sheepishly. “I barely know you.”

“Aw, you’re nervous,” I whispered. I kissed him again. “How sweet.”

“Yeah, kinda,” he said defensively. “You’re pretty.”

I hummed, pulling him back in to shut him up. This time I backed up so that the counter was digging into my hips and he could press his body against mine as hard as he could.

Matt grunted, before briefly pulling away. “Is it cool if I put my hand here?” he asked, placing his warm hand carefully on my waist.

I nodded, sliding my arms around his long neck to pull him back in. Once Matt had a good hold on my torso, I could feel a warm, tingly sort of sensation deep in the pit of my stomach. I could still hear thudding from above and I thought about quickly fucking this dork in the kitchen before they were finished upstairs. The thought was quickly pushed away, however.

“Mm… this feels dangerous,” he mumbled in between kisses. I could feel his lips curl into a smirk against my lips as he spoke, his warm hands massaging my waist.

“What do you mean?” I asked, panting softly.

“I might have a thing for you after this,” he exhaled. “You’re so good…”

I swear I didn’t mean to, but I let out a very soft, barely audible moan as he said this to me. The last thing I expected was for him to talk like that, but it kind of drove me crazy.

Fuck.

Matt pulled away and looked me in the eyes, seemingly flabbergasted by the sound I made. The eye contact was so intense. My heart was pounding in my chest, even faster than the thudding from upstairs.

Between the few seconds we spent staring at each other, Matt leaned closer and closer, letting his forehead rest against mine. It was oddly intimate, but I honestly loved it. Something about the fact that he was practically a complete stranger to me, yet still able to make me feel so flustered and anxious but comfortable at the same time, drew me closer to him. I felt need, like if I didn’t have him now, I’d never have him again.

I can’t believe I proved my friend right again.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. I can’t hook up with this guy here. Not right now. I felt insane for even thinking about it. I felt reckless.

My fingertip grazed over his lip, before leaning in to kiss him again, softly. I kissed him like I needed it to breathe, but not so much that I would die without it. Like I was kissing him just to kiss him. Taking time to breathe in between each kiss, letting my lips linger for a few seconds. The kind of kiss you’d share after having sex, when you’re exhausted and trying to catch your breath.

Eventually, we heard a loud, high-pitched whine echo from upstairs. We pulled away, giggling softly as the two lovebirds were seemingly finished doing their deed. Sadly, this meant my time with Matt was spent and I’d have to wait until our next meeting to do anything else.

“Hey,” he whispered, lifting my chin up so I’d look him in the eyes. “We should hang out sometime. Just you and me.”

I raised my eyebrows, laying my palms flat against his broad chest. “What would we do?” I teased, knowing damn well exactly what he had in mind.

“I dunno,” he giggled. “We’ll see how it goes.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Even if he was a sweet, dorky guy, he was still a guy. But who am I to judge? I almost tried to fuck him on his kitchen counter a few minutes prior.

“Okay,” I laughed.

Matt kissed me again, this time caressing my throat as he opened his mouth and licked my lips. I gasped and practically froze, immediately accepting the gesture by parting my lips and letting my tongue slide against his.

He tasted like tequila and the feeling of his hot, wet tongue against mine was absolutely intoxicating.

Unfortunately, after a minute or so, we heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and Matt let go of me. His warmth left with him and I felt cold as his body moved away. Aside from that, my face was on fire as my heart was racing and my lips still tasted like him.

Trey came downstairs alone, face probably just as flushed as mine and Matt’s. He let out a breathy “Hey,” before reaching inside the fridge to grab a cold beer. Matt and I responded in sync and I only felt my face grow warmer.

“Oh shit, Ravens are kicking ass. Sweet,” Trey said as he left the kitchen. I looked at Matt, who was biting his lip to stifle a laugh.

Eventually, my friend came back downstairs and we all gathered in the living room once again. Her and Trey were glued to each other of course, but instead of Matt and I sitting on opposite ends of the couch, I managed to squeeze in between him and the armrest.

Inevitably, my friend gave me that look, and I gave her the look. No words were said and none were needed. I couldn’t help but smile slightly, crossing my arms as I let my body ever so slightly lean towards Matt’s.

“When does hockey season start?” I whispered to him.

“It’s still going, I think,” he said quietly, looking down at me.

“Good,” I hummed, looking back towards the TV. Matt scoffed and I could feel him staring at me for a few seconds.

As the night went on and more drinks went around, my friend decided to sleep over with Trey, so Matt drove me home. Which was perfectly fine, because he ended up spending the night with me too. Though, to be honest, we spent very little time sleeping.

#i love dorky flirty matt #matt stone #fanfiction #fluff #x reader #baseketball #cannibal the musical #fem reader #mattrey #smut #matt stone x reader #trey parker #orgazmo

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mydogatemymotivation · 2 months ago

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There’s a sound on TikTok. It’s a girl, alone, standing in her small kitchen making dinner. She’s harmonizing with the hum of her microwave. A small moment, a little glimpse into a stranger’s life. For a moment, we all feel like we’re sitting across from her, watching a friend make dinner for two. It sounds like nostalgia. Breathes new life into old memories, good and bad, all melancholic. Everyone who listens to it relates to the distant, echoing noise. Everyone has a sad memory to contemplate while it plays. This small moment touched everyone who heard it. Taking us all back to the neighborhoods we grew up in, the friends we used to have.

This is modern art.

No, really. Abstract. Bizarre. Performance art. We all feel like the moment was spontaneous. But she set her phone up, pressed record, then hurried to play the role she assigned herself. But does it matter? Does it matter if we all connected to it? Isn’t it the connection that matters? Isn’t that what makes it art? Short form art. Easy to make, easy to digest. Does it matter?

You tell me.

I’m painting on a canvas. A painting within a painting. In my scene, there is a girl standing next to an art installation hanging on a museum wall. The art on the wall is a girl in her kitchen, harmonizing with her microwave. The painted girl next to the installation is standing, smirking, smug, pointing at the lonely girl on the wall. The name of my piece? “Standing next to art I think I could make”.

Because we can all stand in our kitchens and hum.

Humanity isn’t listening to itself. We’re not listening to each other. Can we all invent a new shade of blue? No. But we can all paint a blue square, so why listen to Yves Klein? Rothko invited us to converse with him, but we can all paint squares, so what does he actually have to say? A banana duct taped to a wall? Seriously? Well, if you bothered to listen, you’d know that the work was called Comedian. And that you’re supposed to laugh. And what’s funnier is that the banana must be exactly 1.6 meters off the ground to be an official Comedian. But people don’t laugh the way they laugh with comedians. They laugh the way they laugh with bullies. Mean spirited, sarcastic, angry. Not listening.

Everyone’s insular. Isolated. Mean spirited. Sarcastic. Angry. No one’s listening. The artist must be elitist, otherwise art would make sense. It must be meaningless drivel. Because I don’t understand it.

Because I think I could make that. Couldn’t I?

So what makes you so special?

Art is meant to connect. The artist is reaching out but a paint splattered hand is slapped away. Conversation is a two-way street.

Animation is ripped off with money-laundering schemes that make a mockery of what once was. The original artists are slapped away. But at least it gives you something to do with the kids this weekend.

I’m standing in my kitchen, harmonizing with the microwave. “What are you doing?” my guest asks. I tell them. I’m humming. And I’m cooking. They roll their eyes. “Well, look what I have,” they pull out their phone. “It generates humming, so you don’t have to do it. And I can make it sound like anyone.” They’re giddy. “Michael Jackson? David Bowie? Prince?” Freddie Mercury is humming in my kitchen, a tinny and metallic ghost. It doesn’t even sound like him. Decades of effort, artistry, training. Scalped. Plagiarized. Repackaged. Now no one’s talking. Conversation is an empty street.

“But I could do that.”

#anti ai #contemporary art #art #artist #modern art #creative writing #respect artists #fuck ai #stepping a little out of my comfort zone and posting some writing #got irritated and wrote this in a fugue state #writing

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ashes-writing-corner · 2 years ago

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Hey guys! I've been sick lately so I'm back with a short part for Ghosts that We Knew. Reader gets sick and attempts to make tea. Ghost encourages reader to do it right lol

No warnings, tried to make this one a little funnier, more light hearted.

Taglist: @stargatenovus

Ghosts that We Knew 7- tea...you're doing it wrong...

You loved your little girl. You lived for her, quite literally. She was your world, your reason to keep going. And when the poor girl was sick, you made it your whole life to make sure she got better.

Even at the cost of your own health.

Kids were kids, and someone was always gonna wind up going to school sick, spreading it to everyone. But sickness travels, and just as Ellie was getting much better after a bad cold, you were knocked on your ass. Coughing, sore throat, the whole thing, you got it. Thankfully it wasn't as life threatening as it was after you had your transplant. You were paranoid about illness and the like for a year after the surgery. Thankfully you had a strong immune system and took precautions as much as you could. Nowadays you were a lot less paranoid, with the possibility of organ rejection (mostly) eliminated.

Regardless, you felt like crap now. You had the whole package, and now couldn't safely work on orders, which royally sucked. Ghost was thankful those days were behind him, the one benefit to being dead. The one thing he didn't miss.

He watched as you entered the kitchen, blanket wrapped around your shoulders and in your most comfortable pajamas. He observed only a moment as you struggled to open a nearby cabinet to grab a mug and he knew exactly what you were about to do.

And you were about to do it wrong.

Again.

You grabbed out a box of fruity tea bags, clearing your throat a bit to try and ease the scratchy feeling in it. You grabbed out a peach bag and set it in the mug. Absent-minded, you filled the cup with water most of the way and, to Ghost's dismay, put it in the microwave.

Again.

No, no, no! He was NOT going to stand for this! He understood you were sick but there was no need to ruin tea like that. The microwave stopped suddenly and you looked around.

"Ghost…I swear to God if that's you" you tried to reset the microwave but a cold blast grabbed your hand, "Dude! Seriously?! Of all things, you're gonna have a stick up your ectoplasmic ass about this?!".

No response. Then you remembered that he had used a lot of energy to interact with you a short time ago. You sighed and rolled your eyes.

"Hold on, let me go grab my phone…" you peeled off into the bedroom to go get it so you two could properly communicate.

Ghost waited for you, keeping close to the accursed microwave. You were making your tea wrong and he needed to make you see the error of your ways. Sick or not, there was no excuse in his eyes.

"Alright…what's got you in a tizzy now?".

Tea. Wrong.

"What?"

Make.

"Seriously? There's no right or wrong way to make tea! Dude cmon my throat is killing me and the heat would help".

Kettle.

"Ghost…I'm not playing this game. Stop disabling my microwave and just let me do this-"

The lights began to flicker, electronics going a bit haywire. Frustrated, you pinched the bridge of your nose.

"Alright! I'll do it in the damn kettle…fucking Brits I swear…"

Soap.

Well that was random. It took you by surprise as you turned to your phone.

"Soap? Dude, it's clean, I promise. Or are you saying I need soap? Eh…not gonna lie a shower might actually do me some good. I'll think about that".

He still wondered about his old teammates. Did they still think of him? He hadn't seen Johnny in years, about three…maybe four at this point. He wondered how the sergeant had changed. Was he still the fun loving, carefree friend that he somewhat envied? Did he still have a heart for others? Ghost always thought that was a rare thing. He shook his head, no point in dwelling on the past or what could be. You and Ellie were his priority now. And it wasn't like anyone had made him one before everything went to hell…

"I am not about to put milk in this. It comes out clumpy if I do" your voice pulled him back like an alarm.

Cream.

"I can't add anything but sugar to this. It'll get clumpy and gross. Don't want that" you argued, "if it was a different tea then yeah definitely".

Kind?

"What kind am I making? Peach. Peach and raspberry are my favorites" you told him.

Lavender.

"Lavender tea? Are you kidding? That stuff tastes like soap…" you stuck your tongue out in disgust.

Smell.

"Eh…I guess the smell is okay. I like the smell of actual Lavender rather than the artificial crap they put out".

He couldn't argue that. In life he thought the smell of lavender was too strong. It was even worse now as a ghost, with his advanced smell and all.

You had gotten out a new cup and tea bag and waited with the blanket still wrapped around yourself as the kettle finally went off. You rolled your eyes.

"Another reason I hate doing that" you moved it to the other side of the stove, "hate loud high pitched noises".

Nonetheless, you put some sugar in the cup. Ghost counted at least five, a bit much in his opinion, but he wasn't about to judge. He had made your life difficult enough already.

"Did it your way. Are you happy now?" You asked with a hint of sarcasm.

Yes.

"Good, cause I'm never doing that again".

We'll see…

This totally means he intends to "train" you on making your tea right. This was based on a conversation I had with my sister the other day and she thought it was hysterical. Anyway, being sick sucks and I hope yall are okay.

If you like my stuff please consider following, liking, commenting, and most importantly reblogging. Thanks friends and followers ^.^

-Ash

#fanfiction #ghosts that we knew #simon riley x y/n #simon riley x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost!ghost #paranormal friendship #eventual paranormal romance #ghost cod x reader #cod fanfic

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cooking-pol-martin · 16 days ago

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Methods to Madness: Shrimp-Stuffed Eggs

While I have long declared that my goal in this ill-advised Cooking Pol Martin project is not to pick recipes that will obviously fail so I can dunk on them, I will admit I do sometimes pick recipes because of a high level of WTF. So it was with "Shrimp-Stuffed Eggs," a dish which seemed like deviled eggs, except for the inclusion of tiny potted shrimp. Like I didn't know if I could find potted shrimp in an American grocery store in the year of our Lord 2025. After the fiasco with trying to find a loaf of un-sliced bread, I'm not taking anything for granted.

Choosing a recipe that is deviled eggs adjacent is potentially unfair for another reason: I made fucking excellent deviled eggs. I have no less than three plates made specifically for deviled eggs -- an Easter themed one, a yellow melamine one, and one made out of fancy china with a gold rim -- in addition to several dedicated Tupperware-style carriers for eggs of the devil. I could make literally dozens of deviled eggs and have something deviled egg specific to house them.

Which reminds me, while my kid and I were driving around getting ingredients, I wondered why they're called deviled eggs. My kid looked it up, and the reason ended up being so much funnier than I expected. Quothe Wikipedia:

The English word "devil", in reference to highly seasoned food, was in use in the 18th century, with the first known print reference appearing in 1786. In the 19th century, the adjective "deviled" came to be used most often with spicy or zesty food, including eggs prepared with mustard, pepper, or other ingredients stuffed in the yolk cavity.

So first off, I never want to see the term "yolk cavity" ever again. Ever. That disquiet aside, I think it is so unbelievably funny that the English thought something made with pepper or mustard was spicy or zesty. Like the British more or less conquered the world to capitalize on the spice trade, and then never fucking used them. Colonialism is stupid.

Potential unfairness aside, I'm beginning to trust that Pol knows what he's doing -- barring horrifying microwave-themed disasters -- and I can learn from his expertise. It's not like I have any training in the kitchen; all of my knowledge comes from trial and error. The rhubarb pie I made this weekend from a Pol Martin recipe, for example, definitely taught me a trick or two for a dish I've made dozens of times. Maybe I could learn some tricks to make my deviled eggs better.

Turns out, 100% true. I didn't boil the eggs to his specifications because I do not believe that 10 minutes is nearly enough to result in a hard-boiled, or even a soft-boiled egg. I have this useless theory that everyone has a slightly different way of hard-boiling eggs that works for them, but if you try someone else's method, it'll go to hell even if you follow their instructions exactly.

But I did follow his instructions to mash the eggs yolks through a sieve. This is an instruction I'd seen before in one of Pol's pasta salads. While I thought this was madness, it worked a treat. I've always had trouble getting the yolks to mash completely, without lumps, and pressing them through a sieve makes the filling smooth and uniform. The sieve does look super gross though.

After the egg yolks got sieved, I was to puree a can of potted shrimp. Now, the only context I'd ever seen canned shrimp in is the Bad Sex in Fiction Award given out by the literary magazine Literary Review for the "most outstandingly awful scene of sexual description in an otherwise good novel." The prize for this ignominy is a year's supply of potted shrimp, which I assume is no more than a single can. Past winners include such luminaries as Stephen King, Morrissey, and Haruki Murakami. But we ended up finding potted shrimp easily in the local Cub Foods, right next to the canned tuna like you'd expect. Hilariously, the can was labeled "tiny shrimp."

What we did not find easily was a jar of caviar, which Pol recommends as a garnish. Now, I know that caviar is more or less a metaphor for rich asshole stuff, but that's kind of unfair. There are so many kinds of fish roe. While you can absolutely drop bank on beluga caviar -- like thousands of dollars -- other fish roes are much more reasonably priced, plus it's not like you're using much anyway. I found a jar for $7 at the grocery store by my house, which is a lot of money for an ounce of anything, but not so ridiculous I couldn't cough it up. I did not buy the salmon roe for $25, just to be clear.

After sieving the eggs and pureeing the shrimp, I was to mash in a couple tablespoons of butter, and then more than a couple tablespoons of mayonnaise. The butter legitimately seems nuts to me, because I cannot understand how that makes any sense in a filling for eggs. But whatever, this is Pol's rodeo. But as a Mayo-American, I really took issue with how little mayo I was to include in the egg filling. I solidly doubled the mayonnaise because that makes the filling light and creamy. Pol had me finish with dashes of paprika, lemon juice, and Worcestershire sauce. I approve of all of that.

Here's where the real goofiness ensued: Pol directs the reader to spoon the shrimp filling into a pastry bag with a star nozzle in order to fill the egg white halves. I went into the basement to try to find a box of kitchen shit I know ended up down there in the move, but that was not a success. So the kid and I got those plastic nozzles you can find in the cake aisle. I was going to use that and a Ziplock bag with the corner cut off to pipe the filling into the egg halves -- despite knowing that was going to go to shit fast -- but then my husband somehow magicked a Spritz cookie press out of the basement instead.

I don't think anyone much makes them anymore, but I remember making Spritz cookies during Christmas as a kid. You put cookie dough into what is basically a caulk gun with different shape-holes, and then extrude said dough onto a cookie sheet. (I apologize for using the word extrude.) The one I have currently -- which I found at a thrift store, natch -- has like a dozen possible shape plates, everything from stars to gingerbread men to camels. I found a star one and got to it.

Once I got the hang of it, the Spritz cookie press actually worked really great. Maybe a real pastry bag would be better, but then I've also never had a pastry bag do anything but break halfway through whatever I was doing, so maybe this was the best possible timeline. I topped everything with a small spoonful of caviar. Because this is not my first rodeo, I had an extra two egg halves that I'd ripped when shelling the eggs, so my kid and I ate those after filling the fancy china deviled egg dish.

Reader, that shit was sublime. I am not fucking around: these were so stupid good.

That said, I don't think that Pol's "Shrimp-Stuffed Eggs" are better than my own deviled eggs, though I do believe that my deviled eggs will get better as a consequence. Sieving the eggs is brilliant; no lumps. And I really love the caviar garnish because it's the right kind of salty and fishy to work with the filling. I've always used capers as a garnish on deviled eggs -- which I will continue to do because they have an almost citrusy saltiness which works with the fattiness of the eggs -- but I'm going to use fish roe too. It's super pretty, plus it's delicious.

I began this essay talking about how I'm not trying to pick terrible recipes and then dunk on Pol for them. But that's the kind of double negative that often turns out to be passive-aggressive bullshit. (And I'm a Midwesterner; we learn passive-aggressiveness at the knee.) So I want to say again, full-voiced and without innuendo: Pol Martin knows what he's doing. His cookbooks include carefully laid out and illustrated techniques, and there's joy to his experimentation and exploration. Sure, the Pol's recipes can be dated and regional in ways that make them ... not successful, but, as I've said before, I believe Pol Martin is a mensch.

Which is why it's so ironic that the Cooking Pol Martin project started with some videos detailing deeply unholy microwaved nonsense perpetrated by our titular French-Canadian chef. I did not have "learn grudging but honest respect for the dude who microwave-seered chicken livers" on my bingo card. While drinking. (Both him and me.) Honest to god, this project has been a journey. Who knows what'll happen next?

#pol martin #stunt cooking #a guide to modern cooking #shrimp stuffed eggs #deviled eggs

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sleepdeprivedsimp234 · 1 year ago

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Do you perhaps have any headcanons about New Mexico? I don’t see that much about him and he’s my home state so I’m desperate for any content lol (also sorry if it’s late for you cause it’s currently late for me but I don’t have a sleep schedule so-) but if you don’t, anything about Loui or Cal would be also be cool :]

Sorry m8 I don’t really have anything for New Mexico :( I do have some stuff for Cali and Loui tho :D

California:

He either was or is an e-boy. He has the f*ckin’ e-boy haircut too. :3

He’s a nerd and he loves books. Bro probably has an entire stash of books under his bed.

Cali pretends to hate Florida and Loui (mostly Flo though), but if anything bad happened to them he would never forgive himself.

This man can’t cook for sh*t. He’s okay at those microwaveable ramen bowls, but otherwise, he can’t cook and should not be allowed within 15ft of the kitchen’s entrance.

He has an orange tabby named Cassy and she is a dumb spoiled little bitch. She’s cute tho <3

LOUIIIII-[gets gunned down by marine corps] Louisiana:

Literally everybody loves Loui and tries to protect him, and what makes it funnier and cuter is that he’s completely unaware of the fact that he has an entire Loui Protection Squad™️.

Clumsy silly lil guy that always has bandages on his knees, face, and/or arms.

Florida makes it a point to tell Loui if he’s going somewhere cuz he knows that if he doesn’t tell him, he’ll panic. But nobody’s gonna know that Loui is panicking unless they look and see how shaky and fidgety he’s being. And if they bring it up, Loui will 100% deny the fact that he’s panicking. Even with tears in his eyes.

Loui doesn’t ever wish to hurt anyone, but at the same time if you hurt his loved ones, he will murder you and laugh like a psycho as he does it.

^Executing someone that hurts his loved ones? Yes. 100%. Getting revenge on the people that hurt hi- NOPE. He will NOT.

He’s gets anxious really easily, but mainly if there’s loud noise. So sometimes during meetings, if he’s not joining Florida in terrorizing Gov, he’s trying not to have an anxiety attack. I hc that Texas sits next to Loui (I think this is actually canon-), and Georgia sits across, so often they’ll be the ones trying to calm him down (Georgia holding his hands under the table and Texas hugging him a bit with his hand on Loui’s knee 😭).

#welcome to the table #welcome to the statehouse #ben brainard #wttt #wttsh #wttt louisiana #wttsh louisiana #wttt california #wttsh california

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writersstareoutwindows · 1 year ago

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top ten favorite Oxventure episodes because I feel like it let’s go. og Oxventure only otherwise you know Lampblack Wedding would be top of my list, followed by whoever’s first to make a Victoria McClary supercut.

Heist Society: Fancy party is my be-all end-all favorite ttrpg trope. I have watched this one so many times I have portions of it memorized. It’s the first episode I ever showed to my partner. I enacted Bear Down Protocol in my own campaign.

Bride or Die: (gestures to all of my oxventure tag) Do I need to explain.

Watch Out!: Very long and very silly. Love to watch Luke go, and the others playing along. Love that Luke based it on a museum he knows and loves. Love just the entire concept of Hengist. and. Merilwen’s Microwave :)

Dine Hard: World’s wildest plan goes off without a hitch when that plan didn’t even have a defined goal. Luke and Jane roleplaying at the absolute top of their game. and. Liliana hot. I know she doesn’t melt a man til start of next episode but extra points for that anyway.

Squid Pro Quo: I Was There, Gandalf. The spiraling insanity of Dob’s social engineering feels like he’s the one succumbing to eldritch madness and absolutely nothing could be funnier. Peak shenanigans that not even the players are in control of.

Wedded Redemption: Who would’ve thought Aubrey the tabaxi would be so endearing! Hilarious to learn that Harry McEntire ended up there because the only request he’d ever made of his agent was to do a D&D show! Despite what Andy says I think the title pun is great! And guess what! This one’s also a fancy party!

Court in the Act: I will never be over the fact that Corazon egoed his way into being arrested. It was only supposed to be Dob, it was very explicitly supposed to be Dob, but Corazon made a bit of drawing attention away from Dob and Johnny immediately adapted the setting to accommodate. The bit about replacing their nooses with pasta makes me crave udon to an unreasonable degree.

A Fête Worse Than Death: Body!!! Swap!!! Johnny summed up the feeling with, “That’s right folks, we’re doing it!” Also, Corazon holding the Seal Gaiman plushie to ransom, and then just holding it, 10/10.

Exhibition Impossible: Can you believe it, another fancy party! Corazon does cool pirate shit and looks cool doing it. Dob briefly attempts PvP before straight up walking away from a man begging for his life. Egbert brains an old man with almost no prompting. Seal Gaiman is born.

Tower Rangers: Liliana :) The different levels of the tower, the different kinds of Clonebert, and the plan to create infighting are all interesting and entertaining. I love the inventive circumnavigation of all Johnny’s expectations and I love that they do it all just to avoid Liliana as much as possible, because she’s that fucking scary. Cloud of Daggers :)

#oxventure

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no-thoughts-only-soup · 2 months ago

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The camera begins to roll, hazy at first but then focusing. A fuzzy head pops into frame, small beady eyes framed by the largest and thickest glasses one could imagine staring into the lens. The image moves, shaky but quickly stabilizing, until the head nods in satisfaction.

“Ok, it should be rolling now!”

He moves out of frame, revealing behind him a ginormous machine of metal. It reaches so tall, it’s top sits far above the camera’s frame. Colored wires and tubes are attached to it like a rainbow spiderweb, dials and lights pattern it like a starry night sky and right in the center sits a single door. As if to illustrate the machine’s size, a young woman walks up to it. Her large and tall hat barely reaches the middle of the door.

The Mabu scurries back into view, holding a film clipboard. On it is written: Skylander Retrieval Machine: Test #1

“Alright Mags, I’m ready!” He shouts to the woman.

Between the large dark hat and her black gown, her bright pink face highlights the grins she gives him and she walks towards him. The Mabu moves aside to make room for her.

"Greetings ya'll! This 'ere is the first test of the Interdimensional Skylander Retrieval Device! Currently shortened as ISRD, until I've found a funnier acronym. With this little fella, we're gonna transport alllll the Skylanders back home, so even if that little twerp Kaos tries goin' aftar the Portal Connection again, we're no longer sitting ducks! Well, it'll be more like unhooking their souls from their bodies and then constructin' new bodies out of magic but ya'll don't need ta hear the complete scientific breakdown. Unless ya do, then-"

"M-Mags? Maybe we should... test the machine now? Because I really need to get back to the library. We can always make a seperate record of the complete explanation of course!"

She sighs, softly shaking her head, her long braids swaying back and forth with the motion. But she moves back anyways, to stand next to a large lever.

“Sure, I'll let ya get back to your books Hugo. Well, here’s to a hopefully non-explosive beginning! I’m ready ta fire it up!” She cheerfully says as she holds onto the lever.

“Non-explo- actually, no, I don’t think I want to know. Ahem. Skylander Retrieval Attempt number 1.”

The clipboard closes with a loud 'SMACK', a little louder than he anticipates as he stumbles back a little.

Mags pulls down the lever.

And... nothing happens.

"Huh... I swore I-" She doesn't get further, as a large electric sparks erupt from the side of it. She quickly pulls up the lever again.

"Mags! I think the power has gone out!"

"Hey! Why has my microwave stopped working!? I was warming up my enchiladas!"

"Who in the blazes disabled my secret-commando training area!"

They both grin sheepishly, and Hugo shuts off the camera.

----

A different Mabu stands in front of the camera, glancing over the clipboard. She takes note of the number on it before looking back up with determination.

"Okay... here we go. Skylander Retrieval Attempt number 6. You can go Mags!"

Mags pulls down the lever again. Immediately, three of the lights burst.

"Well, that one's a dud."

-----

"Hmpf... if ya ask me, this is a waste of time."

Mags rolls her eyes. "Well, if ya gonna be a bandee in the bush Buzz, I'll get someone else ta help me out."

"Nonsense. I'm already here. Well then... Skylander Retrieval Attempt number 17. Pull the lever, Mags!"

BZZZT!

"...Whoops, that was the wrong lever..."

----

"Flynn! You need to point the camera to the machine, not yourself!"

"Come on Cali, what's the point of leaving a camera running if it can't capture my awesomeness?"

In lieu of a response, she takes the camera from him, shoving the clipboard in his hands. "Fine, then say the line."

Without even fighting it, he moves in front of the camera, smiling at it. “Be sure to get my good side… then again, I only have good sides…”

“Flynn!”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s do this test machine thingy. Skylander Revival Attempt number 33.”

“It’s ’Retrieval’ attempt-“

She doesn’t get any further, as a massive cloud of smoke bellows out of the machine, rapidly making its way to the camera.

“NO NO NO DON’T LET IT OBSCURE ME-“

----

A young girl with bright red hair grins into the camera. "Hi there! Hi there! This is so cool, I'm on camera!"

"Now Tessa, I appreciate ya helpin' out an' all, but ya gotta take it a little more seriously."

"Okay, okay! I can be totally serious.” She grabs the clipboard, takes a moment to study the barely visible number and then flips it into the air. “Ahem. Skylander Retrieval Attempt number 41!" It lands right in her hands at the last word, albeit upside down.

Mags pulls the lever again.

It trembles and shakes, colored smoke puffs from the small vents and lights flicker. A moment later, it falls completely silent. Mags quickly grabs the door’s handle, slowly pulling it open…

… to reveal a single bag of potato chip.

“Well, I’ll be a cat in a hoot, I think we’re finally gettin’ somewhere!”

“Hey wait!” Tessa suddenly shouts. “That’s my bag of chips!”

“…Not as far as I hoped, unfortunately.”

----

The sky is dark. If the stars were visible from the island, they would be the only thing illuminating it. Well, not entirely true, as a couple of lights have been set up to allow the camera to capture the machine’s image without trouble. But the late hours clearly have started to take its toll, as evidenced by Hugo’s and Mags’ eyes.

The former sighs deeply. “Skylander Retrieval Attempt number- Mags, are you sure this is going to work? You’ve been working on this thing for weeks, and we’ve gone through 68 tests. Maybe it’s just not-“

“No.” She states, uncharacteristically stern. Maybe it’s the long nights. Maybe it’s the endless work. Maybe it’s everyone’s gazes, ranging from hopeful to annoyed. But still, she grips the lever with both hands.

“I gotta do this. I’m gonna do this! Whatever it takes, I. Will. Bring. Them. BACK!”

She pulls down the lever. Gears start wirring. Potions flow through the tubes. Energy surges from the wires. At the top of the machine, within a large crystal, a ball of light forms, crackling with magic. It brightens and brightens, causing everyone to shield their eyes.

Suddenly, the light bursts into a beam of light, reaching up, up and up through the clouds, the sky, beyond whatever could be above Skylands.

And from that beam of light, a ball of energy comes down. Right into the machine. It lands in a puff of purple smoke, almost immediately ventilated out from its chamber.

Mags reaches for the handle. Part of her is tentative. The other one knows. It has to be. It has to be…!

The door creaks open… and a very dazed Spyro staggers out of the chamber.

“Wow, what a trip. I’m feeling like a Sunday morning. Uh, not that kind but- wait.” He stops himself, as if he just realized what happened. He blinks at the two in front of him. “My Portal Master didn’t…?”

“Spyro, you’re back!” Hugo shouts, immediately running over to hug back. Spyro persistently but politely pushes him away. “Man, if I had a gold coin for every time I spawned on an island with you saying that, I’d have two gold coins. Not a lot, but weird it happened twice.”

Behind him, Mags shakily breathes out. “Hah! Told ya Hugo I’d do it!”

“Well, I, uh, never truly doubted you of course…”

“Wait.” Spyro interrupts, blinking confused. “You mean you brought me back? For good?”

“Yup!” Mags lightly smacks the machine, grinning proudly. “Before ya know, this academy is gonna be teeming with Skylanders again! I’ll bring home every single one of ya!”

And she stares back up at the machine. “I promise.”

#skylanders #elemutation au #infection au #Skylanders mags #Skylanders hugo #Skylanders cali #my writing

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absolute-artlad · 2 years ago

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I need you to know that i saw spider fool a week ago and immediately became obsessed and now im picturing the lil guy interacting with one of my ocs as they both piss of miguel together

Hes...not a spidersona...but he could probably believably pretend to be one and insert himself into the spiderverse and i think that would be funnier (for me) than if i just made my own spidersona adfhbdkgjs

Anyway i think the two would get along because theyre both just silly guys yk. My guy would look at Spider Fool and immediately wish he had thought of becoming a jester as a career option

Sorry for the rant, i just thought you should know that spider fool has my whole entire heart and i am rotating him in my head like a microwave

Aww thx for telling me :) I love oc interactions they’re so fun and cool

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gaydiekane · 2 years ago

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jjk characters as off-putting shit i do/have done

—

yuji: will be actively dying and be like “nah wym its fine im fine youre so dramatic i can handle it” and then proceed to pass out

megumi: is paranoid to an extreme. doesnt realize until nobara asks him why he smelled the brand new carton of milk to see if it was good. didnt hit him till yuji said he didnt copy an online assignment before he submitted and couldnt fathom doing that himself. tsumiki and gojo could go on and on about his paranoid habits

nobara: has a scary good memory to a point where people are freaked out by seemingly stalker-ish behavior but shes not being creepy she just happens to remember your address and best route to get there from any location after she visited once briefly a few years ago

maki: keeps her eyes open at the wash bowl station when getting her hair done

yuta: go to girl dinner is microwaved pizza pepperoni (not to be mistaken with charcuterie pepperoni oh no) and gluten free crackers

toge: thinks emojis are so much funnier than they actually are. hit him w the 😕 or 🫨 or 😧‼️ and he loses it. definitely overuses them in text

panda: uses all the yellow color emojis instead of selecting a skin tone

miwa: has seen every single episode of miraculous, genuinely loves it, knows all the kwamis names, etc

momo: was deeply in the 2020 pandemic era riordanverse instagram fanpage scene

mai: loves to cook/bake and is good at it but almost everything has to be burnt to some degree, just as a personal preference

shoko: will say the most down bad horrendous jaw dropping absolutely egregious shit just to be like “idk i just dont think that kinda stuff is for me 🤷🧍”

satoru: absolutely CANNOT form thoughts into words. if stumbling through sentences were an olympic sport hed take gold flawlessly every time. defines words using the word in the definition. no one knows what the hell he’s going on about ever

utahime: believes that the pyramids of giza are just the tops of massive obelisks and is genuinely terrified of these giant obelisks and what they may contain

—

a/n: before anyone says shit about the yuji one (if anyone even does,,, tumblr is so much more chill than other platforms LOL) i have asthma/possibly pots and participated in many competitive music groups in high school that kicked my ass (wgi im looking at u) and so as a result of doing something so physically draining in my condition i had a few near death experiences, similar to the example i used for yuji 👍👍 also im pretty sure the gojo one is actually canon LOL but i do that too so 👍 and if you’re reading this ily and i hope u have a wonderful day 🫶🫶

#sahe.txt #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #i aint tagging all those characters #another good one for megumi tho would be gay #or emo

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eroswmorals · 1 month ago

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so i am a certified yapper and so i think im very qualified for this

1. What’s the funniest thing you’ve been caught muttering to yourself?

I have a lot of random phrases, "scalloptastic" is my favorite. Ask my bf, he knows how often I say that unironically. Shit like "aw yea that's just fucking scalloptastic." Also random quotes from media I like, esp Brandon Rogers or Helluva Boss because they have like very outrageous quotes. I dunno, I probably have something funnier but I'm js not remembering.

2. Would you rather always walk backward or talk backward?

Walk backward, personally I like people to understand what I'm yapping about.

3. If you were a pizza topping what would you be?

I'm very partial to banana peppers on my pizza. I don't know if it corresponds to my personality but I can make something up. Uhhh, it's not everyone's favorite topping in fact most people don't really like it but if you put it in your mouth with some sauce and mood lighting, you're in for a great time ;)

4. If you were a kitchen appliance, what would you be and why?

A microwave. They're so cute. And I wanna be cute. Also I have a deep appreciation for microwaves cus we js got a new one after 5 months or so of not having one after my mom broke the old one.

5. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever Googled?

Lets see.. lemme check my search history.

Ah, yes.

how to lighten your hair with clorox (don't do it), a random number, and illi mcmillin 3 times cus once wasnt enough

6. If you could swap lives with a celebrity for a day, who would it be, and what would you do?

Misha Collins. I would film myself going balls deep into Jensen Ackles and post it on twitter

7. What’s the most useless thing you know how to do?

The thingie where you wave a pencil so it looks like it's made of rubber

8. Would you rather burp glitter or fart confetti?

Burp glitter. Stay outta my ass.

9. If you had to marry a cartoon character, who would it be?

Hooooo boy. Stolas obv. Or Viktor from arcane.

10. What’s the oddest combination of food you secretly love?

Tzatziki and bbq chips.

11. Is pizza just an open-faced sandwich?

Yes, if you consider whether everything is either a soup or a sandwich, a pizza is obv a sandwich.

12. What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

OOOH so it was recent actually, I didn't realized I had fallen asleep so the dream was me trying to fall asleep, but every time I tried to move some supernatural force would slam me back into my bed and slam me around, and then I realized I had like a 12 inch dildo (I don't actually) in my closet that I needed to find and get rid of before my parents found it, so I was like being yanked around by this invisible force while sobbing and looking for a 12 inch dildo.

13. What is your favorite song by your least favorite artists?

Hold On by Justin Beiber. Don't ask. It was a banger on the radio a few years back.

14. If you were a ghost, who would you haunt and why?

Atp my self esteem is too low to be overly clingy, so I would kind of just pick a spot to haunt and when people came by I would watch them and maybe knock things over. Unless my dad came by, then I'd torment him dreadfully. And if it was my bf I would also be banging around but it'd be so he'd know I was there.

15. If you had to live in one TV show forever, which one would it be?

Honestly, all of my tv show universes are terrible like some of them literally live in hell. But I suppose I'd live in the supernatural universe because it's realistic-ish

16. Would you rather have a tail or a third eye?

A tail cus I'm a dog

17. Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button for your life?

REWIND REWIND REWIND OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY REGRETS

18. If you were a flavor, which one would you be?

Mint. I need it to live.

19. What’s the most random thing in your wallet or handbag right now?

I have a purse and it has a pair of glasses without the thingies that attach it to your face

20. Do you put salt on your cantaloupe?

Nah.. that's a sweet food I don't fw that

21. Has anything weird or unexplained happened to you?

I mean I'm pretty sure I'm psychic lowkey. I always have like some sort of aching feeling or sense of knowledge abt smth before it happens, and I can very wackily predict things. So one time I was sent outside to wait on the porch while my family set up for my birthday, and I had like this picture of being led into my house by my brother with a dark shroud hood covering his face, and then 1 minute later he came outside with his hood over his face and he was pretending to be all creepy. Nothing happened that would indicate this was gonna happen.

22. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you kind of believe?

Idk I genuinely 100% believe in aliens

23. Would you rather hiccup nonstop or sneeze nonstop for a day?

Sneeze. I would rather die than hiccup all day.

24. If you could only communicate using one meme, which one would it be?

Spinning blahaj.

25. Try funny questions to ask about being a vegetable, like what vegetable would you be and why?

An eggplant for obvious reasons. (Js kidding I would be brussels sprouts cus theyre yummy with bacon)

26. What kind of stuffed animal did you have when you were little?

A little blue pony that fit in my hands named Magic Pony, a little black and white cat beanie boo that I named Kitty Kitten (I think the beanie boo's name was pepper tho), and a grey ikea cat I named Ameeshka (idk where I got the name from)

27. What’s your most irrational fear?

Does anyone else hate dark bathroom mirrors lol <<< YES I AM AFRAID THERES LIKE SOME SHADOW GUY OR LIKE BLOODY MARY IN THERE

28. If I were to summon you using black magic, what five items would I need at each corner of the pentagram?

Can of monster energy (strawberry, mango, or peach tea rehab will do), spicy pork instant ramen, mint tea, xtra spearmint gum, lube

29. How often do you doodle?

A lot. Like, enough to make my teachers pull me out of class to ask if I'm okay

30. What would your last words be if this was your last day on earth?

Anyone wanna pass the weed?

31. If animals could talk, which one do you think would be the rudest?

Dolphins cus they're evil little perverts

32. If you could only eat one color of food for the rest of your life, what color would it be?

Green cus realistically I could eat healthier and hopefully get my shit together

33. If you could be any inanimate object for a day, what would it be?

A sexy clunky computer with buttons and wires to play with

34. Would you rather always be 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early?

Earliness is the new punctuality

35. What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen someone do in public?

Some guy was flashing his ass at the street on my way to my local food lion

36. If you could swap voices with any celebrity, who would it be?

MISHA COLLINS

37. Funny questions to ask about their guilty pleasure song?

Idk,, does it itch your brain?

38. If you could rename yourself, what ridiculous name would you pick?

Probably like something from my cool name list like Mayday or Reverb

39. Would you rather have fingers for toes or toes for fingers?

Fingers for toes so I could be more efficient

40. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you win gold in?

Bed rotting

41. What’s the most awkward situation you’ve ever been in?

Whenever I open my mouth tbh

42. If you were a kitchen utensil, what would you be?

A fork. So I can go what the fork.

43. What’s the most unnecessary thing you’ve ever bought?

A little hat for my cat that she never wore

44. If you had to choose one item to bring to a deserted island, what would it be?

A multi knife...? seems like a pretty good idea

45. What’s something you’ve done that you’re convinced no one else has?

had a really exciting fantasy of mine and then ran around the playground for half of elementary recess while other kids stared at me concerned << me too i gaslit all the girls in my grade too that the fantasy was real and only i knew abt it

46. If animals had jobs, what would your pet’s job be?

My cat would be some fuckass lady of an estate

47. If you could replace all water with one liquid, what would it be?

I wouldn't, I don't wanna kill people

48. What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen someone do in public?

Idrk, get someones ass flashed at me. There's a guy in my neighborhood who unicycles around??

49. If you could invent a new holiday, what awkward tradition would it include?

Everyone grabs a blahaj and dances around it

50. Would you rather be able to teleport or read minds?

Read minds cus I need to know if my anxiety is confirmed and if ppl hate me

51. What’s the funniest Wi-Fi name you’ve ever seen?

"My balls are itchy" <<< that's a good one i havent seen any weird ones

52. If you were in charge of naming planets, what would you name Earth?

Major Disappointment

53. Would you rather give up all items with dairy or gluten?

Dairy I'm like probably lactose intolerant anyway

54. If you could bring one extinct animal back to life, what would it be?

Dodo bird

55. What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever had?

Any time my hair was short tbh

56. Would you rather always have to whisper or always have to shout?

WHISPER I SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO RAISE MY VOICE EVER I NEED RESTRAINT

57. Funny questions to ask about what their most useless fact is?

I don't understand ahaha

58. If you could be any inanimate object, what would you be and why?

Wasn't this already a question? Uhhm, a little ball jointed posable doll

59. If you were a weather condition, what would you be?

Yk when the sky is grey but it doesnt rain?

My followers of this uh....weird totally not cult (I honestly think I could use a stronger word to describe whatever magnetic pull I have on ya'll) Reblog this :3 and ANSWER >:(

1. What’s the funniest thing you’ve been caught muttering to yourself?

"You don't need a daughter, stole-ass, and I don't need a gun" - Me thinking about Helluva Boss and also Bryce- (I thought of this recently and fucking loved it- God my mind is weird) also the occasional roasting of a random person

2. Would you rather always walk backward or talk backward?

I've walked backwards before. It takes practice but it can actually be pretty fun. I like talking normally, thank you. I'll fall down the stairs I don't care :D

3. If you were a pizza topping what would you be?

Mf this is so corny but I would fr be pepperoni or extra sauce (YES THAT IS A TOPPING IN MY OPINION AND IF I WERE EITHER I'D EAT MYSELF)

4. If you were a kitchen appliance, what would you be and why?

I was gonna say a knife so I could stab misogynistic people but I'll leave it at that...

5. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever Googled?

"If a girl dates a girl and her twin brother dates the other girls brother...doesn't that make them all siblings?"

"Aren't the bride and the groom siblings since they have the same parents?"

"If aliens exist why don't they massacre us all"

"am I think or is the other me thinking and if that true can I control my own actions or is other me doing it or is my brain doing it and secretly mind washing me and the other me at the same time?"

6. If you could swap lives with a celebrity for a day, who would it be, and what would you do?

Brandon Rogers :3 And i'd watch season 3 and four of helluva boss and then dress up as Bryce and go out in public tripping people :3

7. What’s the most useless thing you know how to do?

Uh....I was gonna say write in cursive. But I know some really cool pencil tricks- *door sound* WAIT COME BACK IM NOT NEURODIVERGENT I SWEEEEEEA-

8. Would you rather burp glitter or fart confetti?

......Why do you wanna know?

9. If you had to marry a cartoon character, who would it be?

I'd marry spongebob so I have all those holes to myself. Also if we're talking adult cartoons? Easy: Lucifer

Blitz

Fizzie (sorry Oz)

The old version of the Onceler

Grinch :3

10. What’s the oddest combination of food you secretly love?

Chips and cheeseburgers (except they are doritos and I put them in the cheeseburgers)

11. Is pizza just an open-faced sandwich?

No it's circular you dumbass. sandwiches are buns. Pizza is life. Get your definitions straight.

12. What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

I'm not gonna mention all the details but basically I was terrified of my mom's doll when I was younger cause I thought it was haunted and I had a dream where it tried to kill me (way too many realistic bloody family members for a 7 year old)

13. What is your favorite song by your least favorite artists?

I'm not a swiftie (Don't get me wrong she's a very kind person but I am not overly obsessed with her music) but I do like "Don't Blame Me." old gacha vibes frr.

14. If you were a ghost, who would you haunt and why?

I'd haunt anyone who I knew was going to be doing bad things to other innocent people because I've been through that before and I want to help people if I become a ghost. I'll be a bit sassy but i'll protect the good ones and the gays

15. If you had to live in one TV show forever, which one would it be?

Henry Danger sounds fun :3

16. Would you rather have a tail or a third eye?

A third eye cuz I'm very spiritual and I wanna connect with the deeper parts of myself. A tail would be cool but I wanna see what is out there

17. Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button for your life?

I don't wanna rewind because what happened to me got me where I am today. And I wouldn't change that no matter what.

18. If you were a flavor, which one would you be?

Vanilla ^^ I'm sweet but iconic ;3

19. What’s the most random thing in your wallet or handbag right now?

bro I'm a minor I don't have a wallet but I have a permit to be sassy :3

20. Do you put salt on your cantaloupe?

Bro I've never eaten cantaloupe wtf is that

21. Has anything weird or unexplained happened to you?

One time at a sleepover with my ex (we were dating at the time) I lost one of my earrings, and three weeks later we broke up. losing or breaking jewelry is a sign of you should let something go or a massive shift in your relationship. So basically something was screaming at me 'it's not going to last long'. Also my friend once told me she was walking to her house after school and she felt something push her back, so she waited...and suddenly a speeding car dashed out of the driveway she was about to walk past, completely SILENT. Something pushed her. There was no wind that day. She would've died if she kept walking

22. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you kind of believe?

Bigfoot is real and there are multiple of them and they hit trees and make loud noises- Makes since to me and I prefer to call them sasquatches. Also skin walkers are definetly real as well

23. Would you rather hiccup nonstop or sneeze nonstop for a day?

sneeze. I need to fucking eat-

24. If you could only communicate using one meme, which one would it be?

any cat meme :D.

25. Try funny questions to ask about being a vegetable, like what vegetable would you be and why?

Not a vegetable, but a banana. I can do the splits

26. What kind of stuffed animal did you have when you were little?

Had a fucking build a bear one...I loved her to death she smelled like lavender. I think her name was Lily??

27. What’s your most irrational fear?

Does anyone else hate dark bathroom mirrors lol

28. If I were to summon you using black magic, what five items would I need at each corner of the pentagram?

a Bryce Tankthrust smut fanfic (no typing errors, include bobby, make sure the reading includes my name instead of y/n- keeps my attention)

a can of soda

Mr. Big :3

Lgbt rings

and a gigantic dick shaped chicken nugget

29. How often do you doodle?

too much for an isane person honestly

30. What would your last words be if this was your last day on earth?

"I would like to thank all the lovely people that got me here today. My self hatred, my depression, and my 3rd grade health teacher. Go fuck yourselves in hell, bitch."

31. If animals could talk, which one do you think would be the rudest?

Dolphins because the swear sound is always covered with that in spongebob. Also penguins (....Watch the helluva boss shorts)

32. If you could only eat one color of food for the rest of your life, what color would it be?

Bro food coloring exists. taste the damn rainbow.

33. If you could be any inanimate object for a day, what would it be?

A chair so I could scare the shit out of people by kicking them with one of my four legs and also specifically a classroom chair so whenever a chair is left empty I could just fucking run out of the classroom screaming: FREEDOMMMM

34. Would you rather always be 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early?

Mom always said being 30 minutes early is better than being 45 hours late.

35. What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen someone do in public?

When I was 10 some 4 year old ran past me screaming 'fuck' like he had just lost a poker game that would have changed his life.

36. If you could swap voices with any celebrity, who would it be?

Markiplier's voice is so soothing tho...

37. Funny questions to ask about their guilty pleasure song?

What rhytmical proccesing stream do you constantly bang your ear drums to

38. If you could rename yourself, what ridiculous name would you pick?

bitch_ur_hot so someone would call me in class and I would say: I know

39. Would you rather have fingers for toes or toes for fingers?

fingers for toes so I could write with my toes and brag about it

40. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you win gold in?

....Drinking soda honestly :D.

41. What’s the most awkward situation you’ve ever been in?

One of my neighbors was walking in front of me and two others were behind me at a distance, and one of them waved so I waved back and then I realized he was waving at her.....I never walked to the bus stop again

42. If you were a kitchen utensil, what would you be?

Once again, knife....I wanna feel those juices all over me hehehe ;)

43. What’s the most unnecessary thing you’ve ever bought?

More notebooks cuz I already have 42 unfinished

44. If you had to choose one item to bring to a deserted island, what would it be?

my computer with full bars of wifi that never died

45. What’s something you’ve done that you’re convinced no one else has?

had a really exciting fantasy of mine and then ran around the playground for half of elementary recess while other kids stared at me concerned

46. If animals had jobs, what would your pet’s job be?

He'd be a Mafia boss. His targets would be fucking everyone who messes with me. First starting with his grandma

47. If you could replace all water with one liquid, what would it be?

apple juice :3

48. What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen someone do in public?

Some old guy was riding a bike on the highway

49. If you could invent a new holiday, what awkward tradition would it include?

saying I am gay 69 times (even if you are straight) while clicking your feet and then kissing the same gender, and then the baby is born :3

50. Would you rather be able to teleport or read minds?

Read minds so i'll know if I'm getting murdered or lied to :3

51. What’s the funniest Wi-Fi name you’ve ever seen?

"My balls are itchy"

52. If you were in charge of naming planets, what would you name Earth?

bisexual green goblin

53. Would you rather give up all items with dairy or gluten?

Gluten. Love my dairy shit

54. If you could bring one extinct animal back to life, what would it be?

Wooly mammoth :3 (Also my happiness)

55. What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever had?

I cut my hair when I was younger without telling my mom and it was all spiky for weeks.

56. Would you rather always have to whisper or always have to shout?

shouting sounds fun :3

57. Funny questions to ask about what their most useless fact is?

We know you are already full of shit, but is your memory the same?

58. If you could be any inanimate object, what would you be and why?

a water dispenser so I could start a massive flood in the houses of my enemies and they could never blame me >:)

59. If you were a weather condition, what would you be?

"Gloomy with a thunder of horniness"

@kage-meows-around, @eroswmorals, @fandomsfan1, @xking-george-iiix

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thearcherprentiss · 2 years ago

Text

Criminal Minds as things my friends have said pt. 2

Emily: "At my funeral I'm going to raise up out of the coffin and say 'you didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you?'."

Hotch: "No you will not. I will double kill you if you do that."

(This one is way funnier in the context of Lauren)

Reid: "Why are there no freaking tortillas in this entire goshdarn kitchen?!"

Rossi: "Woah, watch your language there."

*Henry jabbering on about something*

Emily: "Sorry, I can't focus on what you're saying with all of that Cheeto powder on your face."

JJ: "EMILY!"

Emily: "WHAT? You try listening to someone talk when they're Donald Trump orange!"

JJ: "I'm not going to fight Derek, it's beneath me."

Morgan: "The only thing beneath you is some children. Not all of them though... get it? You're short."

JJ: "Derek, I'm literally 5'7"."

Morgan: "I don't like tomatoes."

Emily: "Do you like salsa?"

Morgan: "Yeah of course, who doesn't?"

Emily: "So what I'm hearing is you're a fucking liar?"

JJ: "What did everyone do this weekend?"

Reid: "I wrote a paper on the orbitofrontal cortex of the brain!"

Morgan: "I don't know how much longer I can defend you when you act like this."

Reid: "I wish we had food here like they do in Greece. It's so much better."

Morgan: "At least we still exist. Greece isn't even a country anymore."

Reid: "Yes it is? Do you actively say these things to make me worry about you, or are you just oblivious?"

JJ, eating a microwaveable macaroni cup: "Something is off about this..."

Hotch: "Did you check the expiration date?"

JJ, emotionlessly: "*checks* It expired last year. That would explain it. *takes another bite*"

Hotch: "???"

Tara: "I think I'm telepathic."

Matt: "Why do you say that?"

Tara: "Someone was tailgating me on my way here today, and I was like 'sir I will fuck you up' in my mind, and he stopped immediately."

Luke: "Woah, maybe you are telepathic."

Tara: " That or he saw me flip him off."

Matt, facepalming: "I- nope. Never mind."

Morgan: "Well?"

Rossi: "The dog was cute, but the video was weird."

Morgan: "Your face is weird!"

JJ: "Wow, did my son teach you that burn?"

*Emily glaring at JJ*

JJ: "Why are you looking at me like that? You've been doing it all day."

Emily: "I had a dream that you had sex with Morgan last night!"

JJ: "And you're mad at ME? I should be mad at YOU for conjuring that in your subconscious!"

Morgan, playing with the kids: "Touch your nose! Now touch your ears! Now touch your hair!"

Jack: "You don't have any hair."

Morgan: "Hotch... come get your son right now."

Emily: "I don't like that guy."

Luke: "What'd he do?"

Emily: "He gave himself the nickname 'possum', and while that's not outrightly bad, it's highly questionable."

*Reid comes in with a broken bone*

Morgan: "This wouldn't have happened if you'd had more milk as a kid."

Reid: "Morgan, I was allergic."

Morgan: "Dairy allergies are fake. Just produce lactase. It's not that hard."

Reid: "I am both impressed that you know what lactase is and offended that you think I would choose to not eat cheese."

#incorrect criminal minds quotes #criminal minds #emily prentiss #derek morgan #luke alvez #penelope garcia #tara lewis #matt simmons #aaron hotchner #dave rossi #spencer reid #jennifer jareau

442 notes · View notes

starstruckmoony · 2 years ago

Text

call it what you want.

masterlist

pairing - remus lupin x fem!reader

summary - final part of my shitty little social media fic!

trope/tags - band/celeb!au, instagram/social media!au, modern!au, fluff, terrible humour

word count - 798

warnings - language

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

yourusername added to their story

yourusername

❤ liked by ev.rosier, vance_emm, pandorasbox and 2,956,211 others

yourusername lover <3

tagged rjlupin

67,008 comments

rjlupin i didn't even realise you took that

yourusername you were too busy staring at my face

rjlupin because it's pretty

bartyyy you look like a minecraft youtuber

rjlupin is this a hate comment? geniuenly can't tell

mmmckinnon pookie

yourusername meow meow

rjlupin why?

user766900 LOVERRRRRR

user141410 he's so cute pls

user657755 AHDUQUXUQHS

user276432 CUTIE

user400987 I AM JEALOUS

yourusername

❤ liked by mmmckinnon, lily_evans, casmeadowes and 2,499,216 others

yourusername just dropped moonlight, go stream it

tagged maraudersofficial, mmmckinnon

56,452 comments

rjlupin album of the year.

yourusername is it cause you're on it?

rjlupin no, it's cause it's yours

yourusername </3

rjlupin my girlfriend is very talented everyone!!!!!!

yourusername PR PR PR

rjlupin someone better start paying us

yourusername waiting for my check fr

rjlupin i love you

yourusername are you obsessed with me?

rjlupin definitely

yourusername lol i love you too

pete__ exactly stream it #selfpromotion

yourusername everyone's favourite drummer

prongsyboy stan peter stan talent

mmmckinnon you sound like a kpop stan (don't come for me i like kpop)

marymacdonald IT'S SO GOOD Y/N I LOVE IT

yourusername i love you more

pandorasbox on repeat already

yourusername 🤍🤍

casmeadowes TRACK 5 IS MY FAVOURITE

mmmckinnon I KNEW IT

starmanblack I JUST LOST 10 QUID

user556727 SCREAMING CRYING

user444488 THE BONUS TRACKS HDJQJDJQJS WTF

user033460 I WAS RIGHT IT WAS A COLLAB

user911444 i didn't clown oh my fucking GOD

user838383 marlene x marauders x y/n!?!?? am i dreaming!?!?!??!?

user227676 dead i'm DEAD

rjlupin added to their story

rjlupin

❤ liked by xeno_lovegood, pete__, pandorasbox and 2,299,357 others

rjlupin y/n thought this was funny

tagged yourusername

55,990 comments

yourusername i still think it's funny

rjlupin i think i'm funnier

yourusername lol

rjlupin you loled so that means i'm funny

lily_evans prongsyboy pissed himself laughing at this

prongsyboy WHY DID YOU TAG ME I'M GONNA PISS MYSELF AGAIN

marymacdonald what in the teenage boy humour 💀

vance_emm MY KIND OF HUMOUR

mmmckinnon the absolute irony above me

user724422 HAVE Y'ALL SEEN REMUS STORT WITH Y/N'S CATS DJQHDHAHSHQ

user866551 i giggled a bit ngl

user688289 you two istg 😭

user017777 i was gonna laugh but then i saw the prices and cried

yourusername added to their story

yourusername

❤ liked by rjlupin, mmmckinnon, prongsyboy and 2,882,633 others

yourusername art gallery dates>>

tagged rjlupin

61,939 comments

rjlupin and microwave dinners after>>

yourusername microwave dino nuggets just hit different

rjlupin mOIST

yourusername LEAVE RN.

starmanblack the art is arting

mmmckinnon you use tiktok too much

ev.rosier this made me have standards again

bartyyy BABE

yourusername EVAN

user163125 oh to be happy and in love

user022377 pretty

user299666 best celeb couple fr

user001111 not evan bullying barty in the comments 💀

celeb_gossip

❤ liked by yourusername, rjlupin and 69,076 others

celeb_gossip our favourite rockstars, yourusername and rjlupin, spotted together once again, and for the first time after making their year long relationship public. what do you think of this couple? 👀 we're obsessed. 😌 leave your thoughts in the comments 😘

6,322 comments

rjlupin we're famous my love

yourusername this such a dream come true

user009292 their comments-

user222778 HELP ME

user355627 "we're obsessed" we can see 😃

user664521 HELP I LOVE THESE TWO

user790003 THEY COMMENTED I'M DISSOLVING

user489992 boy let them live 😭

user366210 they're having so much fun with this

starmanblack

❤ liked by xeno_lovegood, ev.rosier, marymacdonald and 2,779,661 others

starmanblack WE GOT SIRIUS' PHONE HFFJSXJQJ

57,990 comments

starmanblack I HATE BOTH OF YOU

mmmckinnon LMAOOO I'M SO HAPPY IT WASN'T MINE THIS TIME

casmeadowes LMFAO

bartyyy the quality is taking me out

pandorasbox AHHH CUTIES

prongsyboy did you take this photo with a calculator?

user110200 HELP

user929390 I WAS SO CONFUSED

user120001 tbh never been more obsessed with a celeb couple

user273700 NOW WHAT IS THIS

user929929 sirius don't delete this we trust you

yourusername

❤ liked by mmmckinnon, pete__, casmeadowes and 3,009,882 others

yourusername bass lessons <3

tagged rjlupin

69,678 comments

rjlupin i should start charging you

yourusername the best you're getting is a kiss

rjlupin sign me up

vance_emm lovely pose tbh

xeno_lovegood for free?

rjlupin yes but she's special

starmanblack is there a strange innuendo here or is it just me?

mmmckinnon definitely just you

starmanblack did not ask

lily_evans ngl now i'm thinking about signing up for some

prongsyboy i can teach you

lily_evans ...

pete__ the silence is loud mate

user701006 I WANT FREE BASS LESSONS

user446224 never break up with him

user278755 i want this i need this

user333833 MAKE ANOTHER SONG TOGETHER PLSSSS

user188256 i am so lonely

user002010 me and you both

user188256 wanna be the y/n to my remus?

user002010 yes, so when's the wedding?

tagging some moots! <3

@diorgirl444 @goodoldfashionedluvergirl @nyxxxxxxxx @mrs-lupin-blog @masivechaos @friendly-neighborhood-boricua @incorrectwolfstar @hpotterwhore @littlemissscarlettwitch @withastrangerheart

*some of you may have noticed i changed the fancast from matt hitt to bobby keating since i found out that matt isn't comfy with being fancasted buuuut we move on and pretend that it was all bobby from the beginning.

308 notes · View notes

makeste · 4 years ago

Text

BnHA Chapter 315: I Didn’t Expect This to Blow Up

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “guess which plot that you thought was dead is actually not dead and is making a comeback!” and we were all “EVIL HPSC??” and he was all “girl you know it,” and that’s the story of how we got a sexy Lady Nagant flashback with lots of guns and murder. Flashback!Lady was all “gotta murder peeps to preserve the people’s trust,” but then a little while later she was like “actually wait that makes no sense,” and so she shot her evil boss and they sent her to jail. Back in the present, Deku was all “okay fair, the hero system might in fact be a little fucked up, but hear me out... have you considered not helping AFO take over the world so he can murder like a bazillion more innocent people??” The chapter ended with the not-all-there Overhaul finally revealing himself to Deku, and I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go.

Today on BnHA: In what is unfortunately the single worst plan ever concocted by anyone in BnHA, Nagant is all “I’m going to try and get this Deku kid to panic and freeze up by putting someone in mortal danger.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t panic and freeze up at the sight of someone in mortal danger].” Nagant is all “omg no way.” Deku, who is now all of a sudden being so OP that even I have to acknowledge that it’s OP lol, is all “[smashes Nagant’s gun arm to bits]”, which sucks but is also really cool, and which also apparently makes Nagant decide that she actually likes this kid after all. Deku is all “NAGANT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE GREAT SO PLEASE JOIN UP WITH ME AND STOP BEING EVIL.” Nagant is all “aw shucks (✿ •͈ᴗ•͈) well okay then” and everyone is all “( ･◡･) ✰ ( ˆᴗˆ ) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)” and then Nagant FUCKING EXPLODES LIKE AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE AND FALLS TO HER DEATH!!!! except not really because Hawks saves her??? In conclusion, (a) THE FUCK, and (b) AFO TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK.

so I have to tell you guys something, which is that barely ten minutes after I made that “please don’t send me spoilers” post the other day, someone replied to the comments in a stunning fit of “tell me that you’re twelve without actually telling me you’re twelve” energy and posted what seemed to be the copy-pasted spoiler summary from reddit or twitter or whatever lol. so here is my good news/bad news rundown of all that

good news: I have very well-conditioned ABORT!! reflexes and have trained myself to immediately look away from the screen (usually in dramatic fashion) as soon as I realize that whatever I’m reading is a spoiler

bad news: unfortunately as I was subsequently deleting said comments, I accidentally read the very last one

good news??: said spoiler was so unbelievably, absurdly over-the-top that I’m almost positive this person was just trolling. like, there’s just no way lmao

bad news: but in the unlikely event that it is true I will absolutely lose my shit I swear to god

(ETA: “NAGANT DIES.” that was the spoiler I read lol. like, literally all I read from the person’s comments was “My Hero Academia Chapter 315 Title: “Beautiful Words.” Chapter starts with...” and then I noped out of there, and then of all the comments to read as I was deleting, it had to be that one lol. I seriously was just like “SURE, JAN.” all “just how gullible do you think I am” sob. but I was wrong. a troll, but an honest troll they remain.

but anyways like I’m pretty sure Nagant isn’t even actually dead lol, so in the end this whole little adventure doesn’t even have a point to it, but for me it was a journey!)

anyway, so there are apparently two versions of the chapter today?? no idea what the difference is, but I’m going to go with the Bean version, because it’s the one at the top and I don’t feel like making decisions today

huh, so Overhaul is actually more coherent than Horikoshi was letting on

look at him having a whole back and forth conversation with her. side note, how is he still this jacked when he’s been sitting in a cell doing absolutely nothing for the past six months

anyway so he says he’ll go with her on one condition. I wonder what that condition could possibly be. do you think it could be the thing he literally hasn’t shut up about ever since he reappeared lol

yep! and damn -- maybe this guy will surprise me after all

still would be nice if you also felt a bit sorry for the little girl you tortured and traumatized, but this is something at least. maybe Deku will yell at him for that other stuff lol

(ETA: also can’t help but wonder if he wants to make amends because he put him in a coma, or because his plan was a failure and ended up destroying the family. just hoping you’ve finally had that “hurting other people is bad” epiphany dude.)

anyways so now Nagant’s arm is transforming again, and this particular transformation happens to be the only truly unsexy thing that Nagant has done thus far so I’m just gonna skip right on ahead lol

aaaaand we’re back to the delirious ranting

buddy. just. read the fucking room, guy

wow she really is aiming at Overhaul, then. those theories were spot-on

damn she’s really out here all “it really fucks with kids’ heads when you kill people right in front of them and make them blame themselves” like yo

I’m picturing her saying all this in a very loud stage-whispery tone while making very significant eye contact with Deku lol

uh oh but wait

um. okay. who’s gonna tell her. Nagant I might have some bad news for you about the kid you’re trying to capture here. specifically about the way he tends to do the opposite of what you’re thinking that he’s about to do

holy shit

so it’s basically just “tap x repeatedly to charge up your attack” lol

and okay, so that’s cool and all, but is anyone else wincing at the thought of what that must be like on his knees. oh to be young

anyway, but so to the surprise of basically no one, Deku did not, in fact, freeze. I am very sorry, Nagant. he’s just like this

LMAO

someone wanna tell me how getting yoloed in the fucking ribs by this fucking slingshot kid moving at literal sniper bullet speed is in any way even remotely better than getting hit by the bullet itself lol

(ETA: this is 10x funnier now that we know the bullet wasn’t even gonna hit him lmao.)

anyway so now Nagant is having an extended “!?!?!?” reaction about how Deku just moved with no hesitation, and I’m starting to get an inkling of fear that the rest of this fight isn’t going to go very well for her and maybe that’s what all the “hoo boy” is about

oh my god Deku are you about to Gomu Gomu no Rocket yourself at her you insane little man

now Three is popping up again and he’s all “I see you’ve learned your lesson and are now only using three quirks at once instead of five” like with all this effusive praise about how great and badass Deku is and sob, okay, yeah. this chapter is basically one of those machines that shoots tennis balls at people, except instead of tennis balls it shoots hot piping discourse

OH MY GOD

YOOOOOOOOOO but also, NOOOOOOOOOOO

lol oh my god it’s literally two opposing reactions at once wtf. do I love this or hate this. like just for once can Horikoshi actually let a badass lady character win their fucking fight without getting their arm ripped off, BUT ALSO fucking look at that absurdly cool “SMASH” onomatopoeia though. it looks like it’s about to float right off the page holy shit that’s some seriously good art

anyway so is this really the end?? do I need to break out my ಠ_ಠ faces

lmao okay yeah I can definitely see how this would piss a lot of people off

he basically one-shotted her and she’s all “damn this kid is so amazing that I’m about to do a complete 180 turn on all of my previous angst” lmao. Horikoshi is really shounening it up today

on the plus side though, maybe this means there’s still a chance for her to join up with him after all? unless that spoiler was true lmao, then all hell is gonna break loose

YESSSSSSS

OH MY GOD AND HE SAYS THE BULLET WOULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE THAN GRAZE OVERHAUL ANYWAY, wow, I’m actually more relieved by that than I would have expected. I mean I would have forgiven her either way, but it means that there was still more hero in her than she was letting on

YES!!! FUCKING YES, THANK YOU

lol but I mean, it’s also like, “oh so today they get to have brain cells”, thank you so much lol. sometimes it’s really hard to tell which times we’re supposed to question these character decisions that seem dumb, and which times we’re just supposed to full on embrace them and switch off our critical thinking

but okay, so in this case it really was Nagant going easy on him on purpose, and not just her fucking up for no good reason even though she used to do this for a living and was the best in the game. and I know in this case it’s probably just Horikoshi giving us some consolation headpats to soften the blow of her losing so abruptly, but you know what, shit. I’ll take it

also you guys the light is coming back into Deku’s eyes again for just a moment here and I’m having feels about it?? the way it still comes back when he’s reaching out to save someone, and following his own hero path instead of the much darker and lonelier Christopher Nolan path that’s been laid out for him instead that he never wanted?? it’s both reassuring and also very sad

YESSSSSSSSSSS

DO IT LADY OMG PLEASE?? PLEASE COME BE HIS NEW IRRESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISION YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

AHHHHHHH SHE’S GONNA DO IT AHHHH

p.s. I am now absolutely scared shitless that that spoiler was actually true sob. swear to god, I will throw this manga into a fucking volcano. but we’re almost at the end of the chapter and this seems just WAY TOO GOOD to be true fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck f

UCK

NOPE NAH SEND IT BACK, NOPE, NUH UH, DIDN’T ORDER THIS. “GULLIBLE” OKAY FUCK YOU?? “COUNTERMEASURES” NOPE, DON’T NEED ‘EM, WE’RE ALL FINE HERE. WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO, OKAY. PLEASE

fuck, lol, I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna scroll down what have I ever done to deserve this oh my god

WHAT THE HONEY-ROASTED FUCK

WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING VOLCANO IN ICELAND THAT I KEEP SEEING ALL THESE PICTURES OF. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. LET’S GO

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW

can someone please give AFO a really good, sharpish kick in the balls. just really let him have it. I’m so tired, what the fuck

-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOL WHAT

bro. I was literally going through my Excel folders to find the spreadsheet about female characters in BnHA that I made back when Midnight died. was gearing myself up for a wholeass rant. and honestly I might just let all of that continue simmering on low to keep it warm just in case lol, because to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now

my girl straight up does not have a face. she used to have a face. people usually need those, idk. like, even if she’s alive, her gorgeous eyebrows are definitely not making it out of this and I’m gonna throw a funeral just for them

how the fuck did AFO just blow her up?? how did he know what was going on?? and if he had a quirk that could explode people at will, why is this the first we’re hearing of it?? you’d think that might have come in handy at Kamino or Jakku, like what

(ETA: present!me, who’s had more than three hours of sleep and can now actually remember facts about the series, would like to remind past!me that AFO gave Nagant a quirk, and so this is probably just more Vestige shenanigans now on his part. that’s also probably why Air Walk suddenly stopped working out of nowhere. still doesn’t explain why he doesn’t go around blowing people up more often though but maybe he thinks it’s gauche.)

Hawks just straight up out of nowhere. just Mirioed his way straight into the chapter just in time to be too late sob. here I was looking forward to seeing your face when Deku showed up with his new best friend. can’t believe Horikoshi deprived us of that moment

on the plus side, WELCOME BACK, HAWKS’S FEATHERS. I have no doubt that in this chapter of Deku being an almighty threequirk-mastering god, and Nagant losing anticlimactically only to be immediately blown up because girl characters in BnHA can only be cool for one fight and one fight only, there are still some people who are focusing solely on the “how dare Hawks get his wings back when he is a MURDERER this is an outrage what about CONSEQUENCES” discourse, and to hell with all the other discourses lmao

anyway, so yeah. wow. and now it’s just occurring to me that maybe the real reason why Overhaul is there is so he can get a head start on that amend-making by actually doing a good thing for once in his life, and using his quirk to heal Nagant. assuming he can still do that

and so now Horikoshi has got me out here actually rooting for Overhaul. you know what, on that note I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a day sob

#bnha 315 #overhaul #chisaki kai #lady nagant #midoriya izuku #all for one #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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