#i think it’s funny how much they don’t care about female line cousins. probably the cousins im closest to are my grandma’s siblings’ kids

[atopvisenyashill]

maelor where are you. vaella where are you. i just think there’s got to be saeralings running around volantis & lys, there’s lichrally still romanovs running around in the real world.

[foryoumyheroes]

Their S/O takes them to an Asian House Party

[Midoriya + Todoroki + Bakugou + Kaminari + Kirishima] 

A/N:  Hey here’s a niche that no one asked for. 

I know that Japanese is a type of Asian but I am a wildly different type of Asian 🤣🤣, so my headcanons are based entirely off of being this other racial group. 

I just want to say that most of the time older Asian relatives really step out of line with their comments and can be really hurtful. I absolutely hate that behavior and their mindset, but for the purposes of this let’s just say that they’re not being harmful at all and it’s mostly light teasing :) If they’re like that in real life :) screw them >:) Also P.S. if these sound familiar it’s because I’ve recycled a lot of ideas from my other blog where I wrote “Asian House Party” headcanons already! 

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, hints at underage drinking  

Midoriya Izuku: 

For the longest time it has only been him and his mom, so when he enters the house and sees it packed with people his brain just goes blank because this is a family party. 

These people are all related to you somehow?? 

He asks you how you guys are all related and you’re genuinely like, “I don’t know???” You just call everyone auntie and uncle and hope for the best.  

If you start taking him to parties before he becomes a Pro, he has enough of a baby face that your older relatives and grandparents give him a red envelope without thinking too hard about it. But he gets so embarrassed and feels so bad that he ends up giving it to your mom. 

At his first party he’s supperrr nervous and wants your family to like him. He’s stuttering nearly every other syllable. 

Never leaves your side. Trails behind you like a puppy the entire time. 

After he’s been to several parties with your family, they recognize his red Nike Air Forces in the pile of shoes outside the house enough to be like, “Hey, [Name]! Your boyfriend’s here!” 

Midoriya is kinda of a pushover during the beginning of the series, and Asian families have the tendency to tease without knowing how it might sound, so he becomes an easy target until you pull him aside and tell him to argue back. 

He’s like noooo I don’t want to be disrespectful :(. He says that he’s used to bullying so this is nothing which makes you kinda sad and angry. You’re like hahahaha no. 

You two eventually get your family to stop and that’s when he’s finally indoctrinated into your fam. 

He’s kind of the quintessential Asian boyfriend? He goes to a good school, is sweet and innocent, polite to elders, etc. When he goes to the party with you your aunties are going to your cousins and say, “Why can’t you get a boyfriend like [Name].” 

Your female relatives kinda baby him because every time they see him he’s always in a new cast with another broken bone, so when there’s no more space left on the couches or the folding stools they kick your cousins off to make room for him. 

When he later becomes Pro-Hero Deku, everyone’s in love with him. He becomes the talk of the party. Everyone brags about him saying that they practically saw him grow up when they only see him once or twice a year. 

He also becomes the “cool uncle” that offers to take your younger relatives out for boba. But you pay. You have to pay or else your mom will yell at you for making the guest spend money. 

Yes, you will polite fight your own boyfriend. 

No, he will not win, but he’s determined to win one time like the shonen protag he is. 

Always leaves the party with the large trays of leftovers for him and his mom. 

Even when he’s like in his late twenties he’s still sitting at the kid’s table. 

Todoroki Shouto: 

When you first invited him to a party with your family he’s just like, “Oh. Sure.” Most of the parties he’s been to is the rich people parties that his dad took him to for publicity, so he arrives to the house in a whole suit and tie. 

Your cousins and uncles are clowning him while the older women swoon. You’re in the background panicking because everyone else is in sweats or shorts while he looks like he’s going to prom?? 

[Your auntie says, “Oh my god, he’s making such a good first impression!” 

You: Hahahaha! Yea!〔´∇｀〕

Inner You: Oh god I forgot he’s clueless ⊙▽⊙] 

Brings an expensive pastry every time because Fuyumi said it was polite. From that everyone’s like, “Oh??? You’re invited to every party from now on!” 

Becomes the source of your mom’s humble brag. “Oh, your son goes to Stanford and is studying medicine? My kid and their boyfriend are both Heroes-in-training and he’s the son of the Number One Hero — “ 

Kinda just does whatever your aunties and mom tells him to do? 

He’ll sit wherever they tell him to sit, even if it’s far away from you and he’ll even take the many family photos for you guys in the end. Even though he’s shit at photography. 

If they’re like, “Oh, you’re so skinny, you should eat some more!” He’ll just shrug and be like okay, and doesn’t stop them when they continue to put food on his plate even though he’s full and gets into a big food coma that knocks him out on the couch right away. 

Every time he appears, your aunties will just stop and say, “Oh, he’s so handsome!” 

He’s getting better at handling kids and it shows by the way he’s more willing to play with them then hang out with your cousins that are around your age. He’s in the room upstairs and is ;; just napping with them.   

The kids in the party call him Zuko.  

Before you brought him your aunts and uncles would be like, “Do you have a boyfriend?? Do you have a girlfriend??” and you would say, “Yeah, Todoroki Shouto.” And they would laugh in your face. 

NO ONE BELIEVED THAT HE WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND UNTIL YOU BROUGHT PROOF!! HERE HE IS !! IN THE FLESH!! 

I feel like he would have the most culture shock? You guys conduct yourself in such a different way than his own family and from everyone in 1-A. You guys go batshit insane. 

When you wake him up and offer to walk him to the train station to take him home, he offers to walk you back to your house as well and you say, “Oh, I’m going back to the party after this.” 

It’s almost midnight?? 

He asks you where are you going to sleep or if you’re going to sleep at all and you don’t know how to explain the concept of how you and all of your cousins and siblings are going to cram into one room upstairs and sleep on every blanket in the house on the floor while only three or four lucky relatives are able to get the bed. 

Older Asians have no filter so they will straight up say to his face that he looks nothing like his dad he’ll just go, “ :’) Thank you, that means a lot to me.” 

Before Endeavor’s redemption arc he’s prone to oversharing and one day he tells your mom that his dad is a piece of shit and his mom is in the hospital. 

Your mom, taking her sandal and holding it like a weapon: Oh? Where’s your father?? I just want to talk. Your mom is welcome to every [Surname] party from now on!! Haha! (◕ᴗ◕✿)

His brain is doing backflips trying to figure out how you’re related to everyone. 

The only guy that neatly puts his shoes off to the side at the front door. 

Bakugou Katsuki: 

At first you didn’t invite him to the party, he kinda just figures it out from how your relatives are all tagging you on social media and forces you to invite him. 

Not because you’re ashamed of him but because they’re somewhat overbearing ;; and Bakugou has no filter. 

For someone who’s so “badass” he’s super anal about the rules and punctuality. 

You tell him the party is at 18:00 and by 17:45 he goes into your house and finds you still napping with your PJs on. Even though you tell him that the party isn’t really starting at six he doesn’t listen. He forces you to get dressed and takes you to the party and whatdoyouknow no one is there yet. No one is going to be here until at least two hours after the designated time. 

He instead forces you to help the women in the kitchen prepare the food, aka he’s helping while you laze around in the living room. 

All of the women are like, “Wow! You can cook so well! [Name] you should be more like him!!” 

If this is the first time he meets your entire extended family, he’s inwardly hyping himself up to make a good first impression. If you are not Japanese, he manages to memorize several greetings in your language and the proper formalities when greeting an older relative. Then he goes in and everyone’s already drinking and screaming their throats out to karaoke. 

When he walks into the party with his black tank top and saggy pants everyone’s first thought is that he’s an Asian Baby Boy. Like he probably takes social media pictures in front of cars, is going to break your heart, goes to raves, is named Kevin Nguyen. 

Everyone is loud af at this party so they don’t really care that he’s screaming. They love teasing the shit out of him because his reactions are so fucking funny. 

When one of your uncles offers you alcohol he immediately snatches it away from you. No, you guys are underage, have an athletic lifestyle, and he’s so protective of you asdfg 

He’s been so focused on being a Hero that when your cousins play against him in video games or card games he loses horribly. He’ll just keep going, “One more round!” until he finally wins. 

Your mom forces you to do a convenience store run to get something that the party is running out of and when you come back Bakugou managed to find is way into the “women” side of the room where they’re all gossiping with him and playing poker together like they’ve been friends forever. 

Your mom honest-to-god acts like he’s more of her child than you are. 

When you guys finally get your families to meet, his mom and your female relatives are going to be so powerful together. 

Is trying his damned hardest to get through the entire party because it can go all night long and he sleeps at 8:30PM. 

Kaminari Denki: 

The KING of the Asian House Party.

Absolutely CRUSHES it at karaoke with your family. Even though he might not speak your language, he’s putting so much passion into it that no one cares anyway. 

Sings so loud that the neighbors complain. 

Your family loves him because he’s just so happy-go-lucky. The life of the party. 

He goes around eating all night and continually asks you, “Hey [Name], what’s this? What’s this one?” 

You can drop him off in the designated kids room and not see him for hours on end. He’s too busy playing video games with your cousins and siblings. 

But he’s such a sucker. Your uncles and older cousins pull him into any gambling game and he loses so bad, even if he’s gambling things like candy or food. 

Kinda gullible when your family teases him?? If you’re not Japanese they teach him an insult in your language but tell him it’s a complement or “It’s like saying, I love you more than words,” and they send him off to tell you it. 

And he acts super fucking cocky like the e-boy smirk while he’s rubbing his hands together, and biting his lip and shit. While you’re just sitting on the stool with a drink in your hand like, “Okay....” 

He tells you the insult and butchers the pronunciation already, but acts like you’re about to fall in his arms and you just ;; burst out laughing ;;; until you fall off your chair. 

Has the party time down pat. He won’t arrive until three hours later, and that’s when you tell him an earlier time than everyone else. 

Will drink anything your uncle offers up. He’s a lightweight. You end up half-carrying him half-dragging him back to his house. Nearly trips on the sea of shoes outside the front door and falls on you. 

You’re just lucky that he doesn’t discharge his Quirk randomly when he’s drunk.

Doesn’t get Asian glow.  

When your mom discovers you struggling outside she just tells him to sleep over and if this is his first party with you guys, you’re able to get the bed because he’s the guest 😌😌. If he’s been here several times before, yeah ;; you guys are going back to a pile of blankets on the floor.  

Kirishima Eijirou: 

The “big brother” figure of the party. 

The kids love him and he’s willingly playing “Heroes and Villains” with them for hours. 

Since he’s so broad they hang off of him like a limpet and he walks around with children draped around him. 

Ngl... He walks into the party dressed like all of your other male cousins. 

Basketball shorts, t-shirt, crew socks. 

He’s able to find his shoes super fast at the end of the party because he’s the only person that’s willing to wear crocs. 

Willing to go outside with your cousins to play basketball with them but he’s so out of practice that he fumbles so bad. 

After several games he gets the hang of it and isn’t deadweight to your team anymore. 

LOVES going to your family’s parties because he gets to eat whatever he wants without holding back. Eats several plates and when someone suggests going to get ice cream he’s like, /gasp/ “Ice cream???” 

They were offering the little kids, but okay, a teenager can come along too. 

You’re never too old for ice cream. 

For some reason he’s able to get along with everyone at the party?? He just has a personality that makes him easy to talk to, and by the end of the night or the next day, he’s saying goodbye to everyone by name. 

[“No, wait, [Name], I haven’t said goodbye to your cousin’s sister-in-law’s daughter yet. 

You do a double-take because even you have no idea who that is.] 

When he gets a little bit older and he’s finally allowed to move out of the kid’s table and eat with the older male relatives he’s so ;;; awkward. 

They’re just all in the garage eating, drinking, and smoking and he’s just sitting there having no idea what to do. 

Eventually he convinces you to join him in the garage because he wants your emotional support and is super shocked when you fit right in. He’ll just ;;; go back to the kid’s table. 

Can’t sing to save his life. 

You guys heard him do karaoke once and you never let him do it again. 

If one of your relatives teases him he’s able to laugh it off and not think too much about it, but if they say something that might be hurtful to you he’s so quick to shut it down. He doesn’t care that they’re blood related to you or not. 

Does not let up until they apologize. 

For some reason all of the ladies are confused af when they find out that he dyed his hair?? They’re like omg is he a secret delinquent. 

LOVES to hear your relatives talk about what you were like when you were a kid. 

It’s embarrassing af but he just laughs it off like, “It’s okay, babe! You sound like you were super cute as a kid!” 

[azrielsribbon]

!!! A COURT OF SILVER FLAME SPOILERS !!!

Alternatively, Asli finished the book in like six hours and has many, many thoughts.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, SOME CASSIAN AND NESSIAN AS A WHOLE.

holy shit. this is a lot.

She has grown so much, and I mean that by the little things.

I love that sjm didn’t make it so she was addicted to the wine and sex

Okay I understand Nesta was frustrating sometimes because she really was stubborn but some of the shit Cassian said was really out of line. Especially when he screamed that no one like fucking liked her.

Cassian was down so bad this entire book and I knew that the moment he said he hadn’t bed a female in two years. He was STARVINGGG

Her determination in getting down those stairs, I probably wouldve tested myself down a window or something.

I liked how she bonded with the House. It was a refreshing, different take on loneliness and finding a friend.

The House and how it looked after her. It was the biggest thing in her journey.

One theme I see in Nesta a lot is self sabotage, especially when it means the safety of others. She’s ready to throw herself in front of them.

Her banter with Cassian was really nice to read.

WHEN SHE MENTIONED HAVING A THREESOME TWICE I DIED

Cassian and his backstory was rip. It was really sad thinking about how little kid Cass really regretted some of the things that even he couldn’t control.

sjm did not disappoint with inner thoughts. Those were really refreshing.

She wasn’t vividly jealous or furious at Mor and Cassian’s friendship and I really liked that take.

Cassian’s silent jealously when Helion tries to flirt with Nesta and she dodged it LMAOOO

When Cassian kisses her in front of their family to help her get out of the map

Her silent bond with Az! That kept me going honestly. He was a sly bastard sometimes.

Sometimes I really questioned somethings, like those fast smut scenes but that’s just my preference.

Her marching down to Amren’s after she finds out they voted against her having the weapons she Made

Not to mention how she told Feyre about the baby and the labor risk out of anger, that really hurt both of them and me.

When she stayed silent during her punishment hike with Cassian. Each thought tore me apart.

When he warned her about falling and she was glad he didn’t see the expression on her face. How she didn’t mind if she fell down and how it would better.

When she cried after all those days of silence and finally told him how she felt underneath all that.

He softened up fast too and blamed himself for not realizing all this time why she hated the fire.

Can we talk about that dancing scene with Eris? And how Cassian was secretly exploding on the side as he remembered her mother wanted her to marry a Prince just like Eris.

WHEN ERIS ASKED RHYS WHAT HE WANTED IN EXCHANGE FOR NESTA TO BE HIS BRIDE AFTER LIKE A COUPLE DANCED LMAOO

The Solstice scene had my heart. The gift Az got Nesta and how she hugged him after he told her about it. How Cassian smiled at the sight.

HOW CASS GOT HER A LITTLE MUSIC BOX RECORDED WITH THE MUSIC FROM THE BALLROOM AND HOW HE ASKED THE MUSICIANS TO PERFORM IT FOR HIM AFTER EVERYONE LEFT SO HE COULD GET IT FOR HERRRR

They really kept shit away from each other till it exploded in an argument and that’s a reoccurring theme with this book couple.

WHAT MADE ME SO FRUSTRATED WAS HOW HE WANTED TO STAY IN HER BED AFTER SEX AND SHE WANTED TO CUDDLE BUT THEY DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AND ASSUMED THE OTHER DIDNT WANT IT

The topic of mates was RUSHED. Like I mean really rushed. First they argue, he says shackled and then the next time they get to speak (after the forced Blood Rite and labor scene) they accept it? I dont know, it didn’t sit with me.

I wish Nesta would elaborate on why she didn’t believe in Mates even more and Cassian would actually listen for once. Again, rushed.

The ending was fast paced in my opinion. We could’ve really had more to go off of, I needed more domestic Nessian.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, GWYN, EMERIE

I am obsessed with Gwyn, Emerie and their friendship with Nesta.

I love how Gwyn and Nesta started, both gritting their teeth and still appreciating that aspect of each other.

How Nesta raced to help her with a book even when their first encounter wasn’t the friendliest.

Gwyn being persistent in paying back her small debt. I love her.

When Gwyn applied to defense lessons after Nesta defended them from the scholar priestess.

Emerie, my homegirl. I love her to death. The way she easily befriends Nesta, how Nesta stands up for her when her cousin comes to bother her.

I don’t know if it was just me, but Emerie and Mor might possibly be something. Either good friends or interested lovers.

THE WAY EMERIE BONDED OVER SMUTTY NOVELS WITH THE OTHER GIRLS AND LET THEM BORROW HER STUFFFFFF

Gwyn helping Nesta with her research on Valkyries. Muah.

Gwyn and Az, I feel like something might happen here and if it does, I do not want any Elriel drama getting dragged in, MY GIRL GWYN HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH OKAY

Gwyn thinking she doesn’t deserve the purity jewel the other priestesses wear and her backstory honestly just broke me. She endured so much.

Emerie and everything she lost. Her mother, her brother, her wings and any dreams she had of flying. How she distracts herself with work and gardening to keep that off her mind.

The way the girls all developed inside jokes, jokingly hanged up on Cassian at training and always had Nesta’s back.

The way they were dedicated to each other even during the Rite when they couldve let one another behind and won.

HER SISTERSSS I CRIED I WOULD DIE FOR THIS MF TRIOOOO

ON THE TOPIC OF THE INNER CIRCLE + THE ARCHERON PARENTS

Fey-ruh was pregoooo she and Rhys raw dogged it

I felt really really bad when no one fucking told her she would die because the baby had wings and she wasn’t fit to give birth like that. Like. What.

Can we talk about how they fucked when Feyre was in her Illyrian form and didn’t think the thing through?

Rhys, I can’t stand the guy. First he wants to make a bargain with his mate that they die together and then he wants to keep it from her that she can die when giving birth to their kid.

I think what pissed me off the most was when he was trying to help Cassian get Nesta out of a nightmare/power “episode” and had to experience what she did with the Cauldron and seeing Elain and Cassian hurt. He said he knew she was feeling something but seeing and feeling it yourself was different. Yeah, what else did you think smartass.

Rhys has a habit of keeping important shit secret, Amren is no better either. I think that’s what pissed me off the most. They sometimes kept the too important shit away.

As much as Nesta grew, so did Feyre. They both developed pretty good in my mind, I don’t hate her as much as I despise Rhys sometimes. All and all I love how she and Nesta ended up.

Amren....I get her point about Nesta using and abusing their friendship. At the same time, sometimes she was too harsh.

Elain, darling old cottage core aesthetic Elain. I found her to be a little insufferable sometimes. How she showed up unexpectedly at the Library to talk to Nesta and they got into an argument was funny to me since Nesta pulled out some stuff on her.

ELAIN THANKING NESTA AND SAYING FINALLY AFTER SHE TELLS HER TO “OH FUCK OFF” AT THE SOLSTICE PARTY WAS SO RANDOM

Elain and Lucien is some fucked up shit. I understand how she doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that they’re mates and all that but you can atleast thank the guy when he gives you a gift on Solstice.

I feel bad for Lucien because as sweet as Elain might show to be, she’s really hurting him and could just reject him if she really doesn’t want him.

AZ AZ AZ I LOVE HIM AND HIS SLY MOMENTS

Az when he cockblocks is the best thing. Do it more often.

Az and Nesta’s bond is something I want to see more, as well as how she literally thought about a threesome with him and Cassian.

Morriiiiigan. Everyone mentions her beauty and how she’s like the sun walking and I admire that. She wasn’t as annoying as I thought she’d be on the topic of Nesta and Cassian being an item.

She also wasn’t in the book as much which made sense since she was in Vallahan. I did like how she accepted Nessian towards the end.

The long awaited Mrs Archeron. Some of my theories about her proved true! About how she groomed her daughters into marriage ideologies at the worst age. 12 and 11? What the fuck?

The way she called Elain a pretty thing with no ambition at 11, no wonder Nesta and Elain have no proper knowledge of survival like Feyre did. She was set on making sure Nesta married someone who would treat her well, Elain married someone rich since her beauty was beyond all three of them.

Literally Mrs Archeron was not okay LMAOOO why are you telling your daughters this when they haven’t even bled yet damn CHILL

I felt bad since she didn’t care for Feyre and only their father doted on Elain and Feyre. Nesta was kept all to her mother to feed off Mrs Archeron’s narcissism.

Not to mention she died a year later

I found it funny Elain mentioned how at 15, Nesta even had their dad fearing her. Like it’s your daughter, wdym you fear her

The backstory on how Nesta treated him and how she feels now looking back. It was saddening and I unfortunately know the regret of not doing somethings. It must eat her alive.

I enjoyed reading this book, even if I wasn’t content with the ending. I tabbed a LOT of things so you’ll probably catch me editing and adding more to this in the morning. Thank you for reading all the way down here! 🤍

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

I wouldn't mind that post on VNs!

So I was gonna write three different lists, but then after writing the first part I realized this is very long and takes a while to write and nobody cares anyway so I’ll just post my recommended list only. Well, I mean, you asked, but I doubt you wanted all this lol. Thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about this stuff, though. Hope you enjoy my ramblings!

An explanation for what this list is: Sometimes I know a game isn't perfect in many aspects but I still had a genuinely good time playing it, hence why I'm recommending it. Also I should mention that I could talk for hours about some of these games so if anyone’s curious about more of my thoughts, let me know.

Alright, now that that's out of the way ...

How to Take Off Your Mask / How to Fool a Liar King / How to Sing to Open Your Heart (f/m): This is a trilogy of smaller, single-RO games where you can take one of two routes depending on how you act, and they’re all interconnected where you get to meet and interact with the previous games’ characters in the sequel games. I went into this expecting very little but what I got blew me away with how funny, charming and cute the games were. They don’t take themselves too seriously, at one point an angsty male character monologues deeply about some shit, and another one just slides into frame and starts mocking him. It was so fucking funny, holy shit. Also, a central theme is literally racism against catgirls? Which is monumentally stupid, and probably the games’ main flaw, especially in the final game where it pairs up a catgirl with a catgirl racist, but that one still ends with a literal bisexual queen literally making a man her malewife because she fell in love with his cooking, so like ... It speaks for itself. My favorite game of the three is the second one, where you get to play a punchy fake catgirl and romance a pink-haired prince. And honestly, all the female protags in these games are lovely and a breath of fresh air, and the male characters are fun and not abusive assholes either. There’s full Japanese voice acting, and two out of three female protags are literal catgirls who pepper in “nya” and “mya” into their dialogue, and it’s just treated as a quirk of their catgirl race. I AM NOT KIDDING. Yet somehow it never comes off as cringe, because it doesn’t take it self too seriously. These games are just cozy. That’s the only way I can describe them. Cozy and hilarious. Play them yesterday. Dream Daddy (m/m): Man tumblr did this game dirty. This is just a cute, wholesome daddy dating simulator with gorgeous art. Coming out on Top (m/m): So you know Dream Daddy? What if it was EXTREMELY, MAJORLY NSFW? Though I realize how bad the comparison really is, the only thing these games have in common is that they’re gay dating sims and don’t have an anime art style and oh, yeah, they’re both really well-written. Or at least, extremely funny. COOT (heh) is DDADDS’ horny older cousin, and I first encountered the game on a lesbian letsplayer’s YouTube channel. Yes I watched a lesbian play a gay porn game and it was GOOD. I was there for the cringe and fun and got surprised by how genuinely funny and sometimes actually touching the game was. I can’t give it my universal endorsement because it’s not a game for everyone, as I said, it’s extremely NSFW and the menu theme literally includes the singers screaming “SEX SEX” at the top of their lungs. There’s more to this game than the porn, but there’s just so much porn. It can be censored in the settings but it’s unavoidable. However, I still think it’s worth a look just because of how funny it is and how charming the characters are. If you don’t want to play it yourself, at least watch Anima’s playthrough of it. It hasn’t aged super well in some spots but I still go back to it every now and then. Akash: Path of the Five (f/m): This game markets itself as a more “professionally produced” western dating sim, and that’s accurate in some superficial aspects. The game is pretty poorly written, but it’s absolutely gorgeous and has really good English voice acting by actual professional voice actors. The premise is quite self-indulgent, but I genuinely respect that about it. You play as the only female elemental in a village with only men, and all five of your classmates want a piece of you. It’s clear the writers have put some thought into the lore and worldbuilding of this world, but barely any of it comes through in the actual writing and plot, which is basically just a vehicle for you to get together with your boy of choice. The ROs aren’t very well-developed either, and the plot is the same in every route with only minor variations depending on which guy you pick, up to the point where the protag has the same voice lines in some parts regardless of which guy she’s talking about. It also has one extra half-route that’s so bad and pointless I genuinely wonder why they wasted resources on making it instead of spending a bit more on the writing/adding some variations to the main plot. So why am I recommending this game? Well, it’s pretty, and it sounds nice. This game is a himbo, gorgeous but dumb as rocks. Enjoy it for what it is. I know I did. Get it when it’s on sale, I think if I hadn’t gotten it at half-price I would’ve felt a bit more cranky about it. Also Rocco is bae. Mystic Destinies: Serendipity of Aeons (f/m): Yes that’s the full title, no I don’t know what it means either. You may have noticed how most of the games so far I’ve enjoyed because they don’t take themselves too seriously? Well, this one does. It takes itself SO FUCKING SERIOUSLY. Like, way too seriously. It’s a little embarrassing at points because baby, you’re an urban fantasy dating sim. Calm down. But the game has gorgeous art and 3 out of 5 routes are very good. The last route, the one with your teacher, is both the most problematic yet somehow the one that breaks down the very concept of a dating sim within its own narrative (yes, this shit gets fucking META) and it got so wild at the end that 1) I still listen to the soundtrack for that route and 2) I still remember it to this day despite finishing it ages ago. My favorite route is Shou, he’s a sweetheart, but the mindfuck route is so buckwild that I think the game is worth playing just for that. There’s also a route that’s like a neo-noir mystery? I Do Not Know. This game is many, many things and it does them so sincerely and tries so hard, you can’t help but respect it. It doesn’t always stick the landing but man, just let this thing take your hand and wax poetic at you for a bit. Also get this one at a sale because it’s very expensive to get the full version. I got it for 9 bucks on itch.io and I felt that was a fair enough price, I’d say I wouldn’t have minded paying more for it because there’s a lot of content to enjoy and/or be baffled by. Arcade Spirits: This one’s a bit more weird from what I recall, and I honestly couldn’t tell you much about it, but I remember having a very good time with it and recommending it to a friend when she was going through some tough times and she said it made her feel better. I remember it making me feel better, as well. This is a VN about an arcade and the ROs are wonderfully diverse, with very real human conflicts that get explored in each of their routes. It can get quite existential and heavy at times, but in the end it’s a kindhearted game that I think everyone can enjoy. The main character was also, how you say, mood. It’s a game about getting possessed by a video game and then learning self-love. Ebon Light (f/m): This one’s free/name your own price on itch.io so go play it. It’s a weird plot where you play as a girl who ate an elven relic? And then the elves kidnap you because you’re the relic now. All the ROs are extremely pasty (like, literally white, as in literally the color white) dark-haired elves, except for one, who’s an extremely pasty blond elf, so ... diversity? I honestly don’t know what this game is aside from unique. I used to be a bit put off by the art style but now I think it contributes to the general atmosphere. It’s a weird game that technically doesn’t do anything groundbreaking but still left an impression of “huh. weird” in my mind and I think more people should play it. The ROs are all pretty generic dating sim archetypes but done well, with bonus points to Duliae who’s just a massive creep and I love him, and also Vadeyn who’s the only bitch in this house I respect. The worldbuilding is honestly a bit buckwild and I can’t give enough credit for how unique the elves’ culture is in this game. Definitely give it a go. Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds / Hakuoki: Edo Blossoms (f/m): These two are newer releases of an older Japanese visual novel. I wouldn’t call it a dating sim, it’s ... it’s more of a super depressing historical fantasy epic with some minor romance aspects awkwardly wedged in. It’s seriously some of the heaviest and most grimdark shit I’ve ever played in a VN/otome. I don’t understand why it’s a dating sim, it doesn’t read like one, it’s just historical fantasy based on real world events with characters based on real people, and they kill and they die and they grieve and they suffer. The games are literally about the downfall of the Shinsengumi, there’s no way of avoiding everything going to shit and you get to watch and be in the middle of it all as they struggle to stay alive and relevant in a world that doesn’t need them anymore. And there’s the protag in the middle of it all, being useless and submissive and bland just the way the usual otome protag is. I don’t think these games are necessarily fun, and the romance is certainly a lot more downplayed and deeply problematic just based on the age differences alone with some of the men, but the sheer amount of horror and sadness in these games make them stand out above its peers. It’s like watching a war movie. Since most of the characters are based on real people, they feel like real people instead of the usual otome archetypes, and they are so, SO flawed, it’s interesting to just watch them deal with the shit the world throws at them. It’s an Experience, and if you’re up for it, I think it’s worth the time. Cinderella Phenomenon (f/m): This game is free on Steam so go get it. You play as a really, genuinely shitty princess who gets cursed to be poor and forgotten and she has to help one of the ROs break his fairy tale curse so that she can learn about being a good person herself and return to her normal life. This game doesn’t look like much, but it has a genuinely well-written main character who’s actually at the center of each of the stories and in the overarching plot instead of just being around to make eyes at the real protagonists, aka the love interests. Aside from the main character, my favorite part of this game’s writing is how each route slowly but very smoothly expands upon the overarching intrigue. If you play them in a certain order, you get more and more info revealed to you that you didn’t see in other routes, gaps are filled in as you find out more about what actually happened and why, but every route also stands on its own as a full experience and none is more canon than the rest. There’s also some really heavy emotional parental abuse explored, which I found quite potent at times. The romances themselves were alright, I think Karma and Waltz were my faves.

[wsgeon]

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ���97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

[rebelscum-2187]

So after nearly 22 years of life on this planet, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am high functioning autistic. I believe I fell through the cracks of an early diagnosis for the following reasons:

1.) I am Female (I learned how to mask myself very early on)

2.) I have a gifted IQ (above 130) and was classified as such in 4th grade so no one considered that I could be both ASD and intellectually gifted.

I am in the beginning stages of unmasking and am currently seeking an official diagnosis. Right now, I’m trying to write down everything I know about my neurodivergent experience so here’s a list of things I’ve experienced and believe to be relevant. If you can relate or you understand please comment and share! I’m new to this community and it feels so good to finally meet people who understand and can relate. Ok, Here we go.

“So the general population doesn’t memorize scripts to movies or watch the same one every day for a year?”

“People think it’s weird that I prefer to have subtitles on when I watch stuff, even though I don’t have damaged hearing”

“I watch movies with subtitles because I won’t understand what’s said if I don’t read it. I have no hearing issues.”

“I cannot hear/understand someone if I have one ear bud in and one out. Too much sensory input at once.”

“I thought I had a hearing deficit because I literally could not understand people at church or parties or other places with a lot of background noise, and I was so confused when they told me my hearing was normal.”

“I love star wars. Not just love but I could tell you what planet each character is from and what kind of ship they use, what model droid that one is and I will gladly talk about it all day if you let me. Everyone now gets me Star Wars stuff for my birthday and holidays”

“Eye contact is so uncomfortable for me that sometimes it ‘burns’ to maintain it, but then I overcompensate and stare too intensely. Over the years, being female, I’ve forced myself to make eye contact for a certain number of seconds and then look away a certain number of seconds but I’m concentrating so hard on that, that I don’t remember anything that was said to me.”

“Giving me verbal directions is a special kind of hell. I need it written down.”

“I can memorize pictures of things and exactly where every kid sat in my 10th grade US history class as well as my 9th grade geometry class.”

“I never fit in anywhere, in my childhood, most of my adolescence, except the swim team and my new church.”

“Team sports are the worst. I can’t communicate fast enough, I’m bad with hand eye coordination and keeping track of a ball. I excelled in individual sports and fell in love with swimming.”

“I often found it much easier to make friends with older kids because I could have intelligent conversations with them and their good social skills could make up for my lack of social skills.”

“But, I had a few friends that were considerably younger who I could still play imaginatively with dolls when I was 13 and one particular friend was 9. I had a lot of trouble getting a long with her sister who was the same age as me.”

“It physically pains me to hear someone mispronounce a word, spell something wrong, or make a grammatical mistake. I corrected my cousin A LOT when we were kids, she frequently got mad and I couldn’t understand why. My grandma would tell me to stop because correcting people is rude.”

“One of my special interests as a kid was dolphins. I was 5-6 years old and I remember being so excited when my mom let me check out like 10 books from the library and I read them quickly and multiple times.”

“I corrected a teacher one time about dolphins. She said dolphins weren’t whales and I knew FOR A FACT that ‘dolphins were a type of small whale’ because I read it in one of my books. She laughed at me and so did the rest of the class and I felt stupid even though I was right. This led to me suppressing my knowledge and real self and ultimately more masking.”

“As per that last one, my memory is impeccable.”

“I had another special interest in dogs when I got a bit older. My mom bought me a book with every kind of breed of dog, where they came from, their temperament, their size, everything. I can still, to this day, tell you the breed of dog just by looking at it.”

“I always wanted a best friend but never had one. I had groups of friends but never someone who would call me their best friend. When I got a boyfriend in high school, I was so excited because he called me his best friend and he was mine and I finally had that feeling reciprocated. He also had a gifted IQ and dyslexia, ADHD and a few other things so we understood each other quite well.”

“I can’t tell if someone is flirting with me because I can’t read between the lines. I also don’t know how to flirt because if I like a guy too much I get soooo nervous and I stumble over my words and it’s a disaster.”

“When I liked this guy (last year, 2019) I would freeze up so bad when I talked to him that I rehearsed every conversation I wanted to have with him so I wouldn’t mess it up. I would write topics in the notes section of my phone before hanging out with him so I’d remember what to ask him. It made for very awkward and forced conversations and probably drove him away.”

“Sarcasm and jokes almost always go over my head. The boyfriend I had in high school was very funny and outgoing but used a lot of sarcasm and it always caused disagreements because I took him seriously when he was being sarcastic.”

“I talk slowly and very monotone.”

“I have no difficulty reading in my head and can read/comprehend it well, but reading aloud is difficult and I often stumble over words and mess up.”

“I need directions repeated multiple times before I understand.”

“I went to the beach to hang out with some church friends yesterday. They all play spike ball and are so confused as to why I sit there and don’t play. I’ve tried playing spike ball but it involves way too much hand eye coordination and I’m so bad at it that it’s embarrassing. So I don’t play.”

“That same night, a group of them said ‘let’s play uno!’ And I was so happy to play something familiar that didn’t involve a lot of coordination. Then they said ‘we’re playing SPICY uno, right?’ And immediately my heart sank because I knew they were playing a different way that I wasn’t familiar with. Again, receiving verbal directions was hell and I didn’t understand it. I was so bad at it and wasn’t getting it, and in the middle of the game I had the urge to cry. I wanted to cry because I couldn’t even get this right. I suppressed the urge, of course, so they wouldn’t think I was even more weird than the already suspected. Another group of people that I wouldn’t fit in with.”

“Making friends has always been so difficult. Once I make a good friend I hang on to them for as long as possible even if they’re not very nice because I’m scared I’ll have to make a new one if I lose them. And we all know how hard making new friends is for me.”

“I’m a perfectionist. Especially with my art projects. When I took a painting class I realized I do it the wrong way. You’re supposed to paint layer by layer over the entire canvas and focus on small details at the very end. I work on one small area at a time and do small details too soon. I often spend way too much time on small details before I realize that the larger shape of the object isn’t proportionate and then it’s too late.”

“I won’t even attempt tasks if I know I can’t do them perfectly.”

“I have perfect pitch. I don’t know if that has anything to do with autism or that I just started music lessons when I was young. I can tune instruments perfectly without a tuner or reference note and I never understood why my orchestra teacher had me play the A key on the piano over and over again while she walked around and tuned everyone’s instruments when I could do it without any reference. I can hear it in my head.”

“When my parents got me a keyboard at age 7-8, they were impressed because I could sit down, without listening to any song and find the notes of a song I liked by ear. I still do that today but my piano is very out of tune and it bothers me.”

“Autistic boys tend to isolate and not care about concealing their stims or weird behavior but girls don’t. I am a ‘loner’ and always have been but I want so badly to belong and have friends and socialize, but I’ve always been so bad at it that I strike out every time. I often drink at social gatherings because it helps me loosen up and talk more freely. I guess it helps me lose the mask for a while.”

“I HATE people touching me. I’ve always hated it and still hate it to this day unless it’s someone I’m super comfortable with. I’ve been told I have the ‘dead fish hand shake’ and I’m an awkward hugger. My friend picked me up from behind and carried me for a few seconds because we were all goofing off and having fun but afterwards I was so mad at him I got really quiet and didn’t talk for a while. I told him later on the ride home that if he did that again I would slap him. “

“Everyone thinks it’s weird that I don’t like touching people, and some of my friends who also don’t like touching people were abused and I always thought, ‘there had to be a reason, maybe I was abused as a kid and repressed it.’ It’s been so long and I’ve finally realized that maybe it’s just because I have Aspergers or ASD. “

“When I make sarcastic remarks or jokes I often have to clarify because I say them in such a monotone way that people think I’m serious.”

“I’ve always joked that I’m just really clumsy and uncoordinated, and chalked it up to being tall and lanky. That’s why swimming was the perfect sport for me. Little to no risk of injury and not much hand eye coordination needed to be good at it. Just hours of practice, technique and endurance.”

“I also injure myself quite a lot because I’m ‘a klutz.’”

“Stims: I scratch my head and then smell my fingers and I will do this for hours if I am able (I know that one is weird so I only do it at home) popping my knuckles a ridiculous amount of times when I feel uncomfortable and don’t know what to do with my hands. I twirl my hair constantly (that one is pretty socially acceptable so I do it in class nonstop). I tap my foot or bounce my leg, I make weird facial expressions and forget to hide those. People notice but they often think it’s funny because I’ll make a face if someone says something dumb and make an expression that people seem to relate to. I scrunch my nose if I’m uncomfortable or just whenever.”

Special interests: Star Wars, Disney (I know every word to every Disney song and I watch animated Disney movies over and over again, like literally every night) dolphins, the ocean, dogs, theology/the Bible.

“With my art work, and other things, I will get so focused on a painting that I will work non stop for 8-9 hours (all day basically) and not eat because I’m so focused that I forget to eat.”

“I think I slur my words a lot and sometimes my friends will laugh and be like ‘did you just say ____.?!?!’And I’ll clarify and they will continue laughing and say ‘oh it sounded like you said this.’ I hate when that happens.”

“Loud noises really bother me. I jump if I hear an unexpected loud noise and I hate people yelling, even if it’s not directed at me, it makes me want to cry. “

“I loved the color blue so much as a kid (I still do) but my entire wardrobe was basically different shades of blue t-shirts. I also only ever wore baggy t-shirts and baggy cargo shorts (I kinda dressed like a boy) because it was comfortable and I didn’t like getting comments if I looked “cute today”. I hated the attention. I also never ever wore my hair down to school. It always had to be up in a tight pony tail. I still don’t like my hair being in my face to this day and wear it up almost every day.”

“The other day, I was hanging out with a friend and she was trying to tell a story but I kept getting distracted and interrupting her. She said, ‘Emily, you kind of interrupt people a lot.’ At first I was hurt, but then I realized it’s not entirely my fault and it’s an autistic thing.”

“I mask so much that I have rehearsed responses to social interactions and will often get so nervous or start speaking from the script before I realize I’ve said the wrong response. Of course I’ll think about it all day after that and think of ‘well great, so and so thinks I’m weird now.’”

[sharkb0yinthewat3r]

What was coming out like for you?

For years I was closeted and i really didn’t want to do it. I go back and forth between whether or not I thought it was unnecessary or I told myself it was unnecessary so I wouldn’t have to do it. It was probably a little bit of both.

I knew for a while that at the very least my mom knew since she was the only one dropping hints. But if she did so did everybody else. After I was like truly accepting of myself, I really did buy into the narrative that i didn’t need to do it. On one hand I felt like everyone in my family already knew so there was no need to inform them, there was no need to bring it up out of nowhere unprompted, and it’s just ridiculous that that’s something anyone has to do. I’m more than my sexuality and straight people don’t have to come out.

Anyway this ended up being a really long post feel free to read all of it, but the main takeaway is that coming out was scary. Even when I knew nothing big was going to come of it, there’s just like this anxiety I had and I think it’s normal. Im lucky to live a life where I can be myself freely without having to be concerned about repercussions. I would say me coming out to my friends/just not hiding who I was from them was a great experience. My cousins were so great. My mom and my sister, I guess I wish that those had gone better which is crazy to me because they had known the longest and had so long to prepare and just didn’t have ideal reactions (far from awful but it was kinda just like uhhh ok?) and then my dads is probably my favorite bc that’s how it should be for everyone. It was ultimately very freeing for me but it was also like very uncomfortable for me.

My coming out happened in 4 phases:

1. College freshman year: i was struggling with my sexuality after I got my first crush and wasn’t sure whether or not people would accept me and eventually I told one friend that I lived with and he never treated me differently, I think I told three other friends that were girls, but overall it was extremely difficult to communicate for me. I would say that this was a time in which I was still closeted.

2. I now work on accepting myself and don’t really talk about it with people unless it comes up for the next three years. I’m now in my fourth year of college and join an org where I’m placed on a committee that’s essentially 60% gay males 40% straight males (and girls). My goal when joining was just to be open and let people get to know me. I was still middle ish of the road and sorta wanted to be perceived as straight. I think people just kind of started to assume I was gay and it was like “oh I don’t have to think about telling anyone anything or acting a certain way. I can just be myself” and I kinda just let loose and as we started hanging out and going to parties together I was able to open up and be myself judgement free and it was just so much fun and that’s when I like TRULY accepted myself and I was like life should be like this all the time. I can’t believe I haven’t been doing this. This was more of like a me coming out to myself than anything else and showing myself how enjoyable life can be when you don’t bottle yourself up.

3. Same year (after my first semester) Even though I was very open with my friends at school, this was my first time home for a ‘long break’ and I wasn’t as open with my family. Me and my two female cousins went out for a day together in the city and then ended up at a bar where they were talking about the kind of guys they were into and my one cousin mentions that she’s into older guys and I didn’t say anything and then our other cousin went to the bathroom and I was like btw I’m gay and I only wanted to preface that bc when u said u were into older guys I was like legit same I know exactly what you mean. My other cousin came back from the bathroom and then we laughed about it, but they were the sweetest and most supportive I could’ve wanted. I don’t think I’d ever felt as close with them as I did in that moment. They asked if anyone else knew and I was like well my friends but that’s it and they said they wouldn’t tell anyone and I thanked them.

A few nights later I met my sister out at a bar for her birthday in the city. I was hanging out with her friends (who I knew just not on a real personal level) because she was dancing and making out with some guy. This is actually kinda funny. It was winter and the bar was hot so I tied my jacket around my waist (as I often do bc that’s just typically part of my look, kinda like a staple of mine tbh) and her friend is like “ryán why are you wearing that around your waist, go put it in the coat check” and I was like no thanks like I really don’t mind having it on my waist, I like the way it looks and I honestly don’t wanna pay and she’s like “you have to check it, any girl who walks in here and sees a guy with a jacket around his waist will not want to get with him” and I looked at her and laughed and was like “lol ok well that’s fine because I’m into guys anyway” and she was taken aback like “OH” and I was like lol r u surprised and she was like well your sister just never told me that and I said well idk why she would, like for one I’m not sure why that would be a topic of discussion between the two of you and for two I haven’t told her anyway. She and my sisters other gay friend practically forced me to tell her the entire night and I was like um ok. And then my sister got mad at me for telling them before her and made it all about herself and I was drunk crying running to the bathroom lol and she followed it up with SO MANY questions and was like you gotta tell mom and dad we talk about it all the time. And I was like 1. No I don’t, if they wanna know they can ask me I don’t care 2. That’s kinda fucked up that you guys talk about me and my sexuality all the time behind my back?? 3. If you just said u all know why do I have to tell you. There isn’t really more to the story there, it was her telling me to and me saying no.

4. It is the 2019th summer. Id thought many times about telling my parents I wanted to go to pride and just like ended up saying nothing. Fact of the matter was that I wasn’t proud and honestly even if I wanted to go I didn’t know who I’d go with. My parents are VERY religious and when I was younger I had heard my mom express worry about a girls mother after the girl had come out as a lesbian l o l. Years go by and my mom got me a pamphlet for the lgbt center mixed in with a bunch of other papers when I moved in my freshman dorm, said a lot of encouraging things to me like telling me “you can date anyone you want” and asking me about my love life (this kind of stuff happened between stages 1 and 2). Nothing was explicitly said but I think we both silently acknowledged it. She even asked about one of my gay friends bc I think she thought we mightve been dating (between stage 3 and 4) which we were not and never have hooked up or anything. Honestly I knew they’d be supportive and I knew they weren’t going to kick me out, I just didn’t know how they’d honestly and truly take it. And by the time that I didn’t give a fuck about how anybody “took” the “news” I was aware that they knew and subscribed to all the beliefs that I listed above. If they wanted to know so desperately they could ask me. At this point I wasn’t even trying to hide it. A guy kinda fucked me over right before school was over and I was talking to her on the phone and she was asking how I was and why I sounded meh and I just told her guys suck without trying to get into it. Anyhow picture this, straight pride has just been confirmed for August 2019. Gays are distressed everywhere. Can we not have one thing??? I share a post to my insta story stating something along the lines of “straight pride isn’t necessary and you should be happy you don’t need it. LGBT people need pride because we still don’t have equal rights and people get killed every day for being a part of this community and people get kicked out of their homes for loving someone, etc.” and I guess my mom saw it and was like that was an interesting post on your instagram and I was like lol ok thanks. (She had thought I didn’t think I was safe in my own home and that’s why I wasn’t coming out) And she’s like is there something you want to tell me? And I say is there something you want me to tell you? And she says only if you want to. And I say “what mom do you want me to tell you I’m gay? Like it’s not a secret. I know you know and everybody else knows.” We went on a walk and she said some highly questionable microaggressions but meant with overall support. At this point though like I already accepted myself so I could just roll my eyes and be like lol whatever you don’t get it.

Then my dad comes back and she calls him to the kitchen and is like I think you should tell him now. And i was like gurl what? This is so out of nowhere and so ridiculous. You’re really going to do this after we just had an hourlong discussion on why I didn’t feel the need to come out. And my dad comes in and is like what’s up and I say hey just so you know I’m gay, ok? And he says ok.

[starjeno]

destined | l.mh | 3

genre: fluff | soulmate!au, genderswap!au pairing: student!mark x female!reader warnings: bad words? word count: 1973 summary: it’s a fact of life that soulmates swap bodies. when mark wakes up in a bed that isn’t his, he’s delighted. you, on the other hand, absolutely despise it. a/n: filler chapter, sorry! and i know it’s been a while since i’ve posted. also, i gave the roommate a name finally. 

the sunset filtering through your curtains fills the room with hazy light. it’s soft and golden and comforting, but it does little to placate your roommate. her arms remain crossed over her chest as you pace by the mini-fridge nervously, waiting for this interrogation to end.

“okay, but what did yuta say?” she’s already somehow familiarized herself with the names of the people involved, and while it took some time for her to get used to your new appearance, she currently seems to have grown accustomed to it. you groan, “i told you, yuta likes this whole thing. he just ignored me and then said that i should take mark into consideration.”

“why can’t mark take you into consideration instead?” she retorts. you huff, “i told you this too! mark also thinks i like this whole thing!”

“well? do you?”

you can’t help the hesitation that bubbles up in your throat when you think about the events of earlier. the rapid beating of your heart and the heat in the tips of your ears and the strange familiarity that accompanied each of mark’s words — he felt like a missing puzzle piece, like someone you loved in a past life, and you didn’t like how you unconsciously gravitated towards him as he spoke. 

then again, you only saw him for a few hours, so maybe you’re overexaggerating. you shake your head firmly, “i don’t! you know that! i don’t want any of this!”

she gives you an unplaceable look, her eyes filled with contemplation, before groaning and sitting up, “let’s go out to eat. you’ve had a rough day.”

“you’ll pay?”

“yeah,” she sighs, running a hand through her hair, “i don’t want you to confuse the cashier with your credit card info. let’s get out of here.”

it’s a blessing that your roommate has kun. she’s accumulated enough of his clothing that your new body has a decent selection to choose from. though the clothes all fit loosely, you figure tucking your dress shirt into your pants and looping a belt tightly through should make sure your outfit is secure. she stands in the doorway as she watches you change, blushing feverishly when she associates your initial meeting with yuta with the boxers that now hug you snugly. 

“where do you feel like eating?” 

you hum in thought as you grab a cap, “honestly? kun’s place. he makes such good food.”

she rolls her eyes before dialing her boyfriend’s number on the phone. it rings for a few seconds until the line clicks and you hear a deep voice fill the speaker, “what’s up? you only call at this time when you’re hungry. or horny. or both. please don’t be both.”

“uh, just hungry. also, ____ and i have something we should tell you,” she mumbles, “i’ll be over in five.”

she hangs up before looking over to me and sighing, "i'll do your hair."

as you sit down in front of a mirror and watch your roommate squeeze out a frightening amount of gel onto her palm, you can't help but think about mark again. it's hard not to since his face is the reflection and it shines with a bright optimism that you currently lack. you attempt a half-hearted smile to make his features seem pleasant; it feels wrong when his face frowns.

meanwhile, the girl behind the chair slicks your hair in a neat quiff, sparing a few strands to fall onto your forehead casually. you look handsome, and you're somewhat pleased that kun's first impression of your soulmate will be great on terms of looks.

not that you cared particularly. you don't. you aren't even sure you know what a mark is, much less feel as if others should approve of him.

"there, let's go," she hums, wiping her hands off with a towel and spritzing some floral scent on the two of you before walking out. you follow reluctantly.

kun's apartment is cute and filled with small plants that are groomed to perfection. little canvases with a dramatic ink strokes line the walls above the television and couches, and pens are littered in the corners of every room. there's even a pen tucked into the pocket of the man himself, who is still in the ironed dress shirt he went to work in.

his smile radiates as the two of you walk into the hall, but you can sense the air tension rise, “mina and . . . a friend?”

“ha ha, very funny, kun. you won’t believe who this is,” your roommate grins as you two sit down. kun pauses for a bit before backing into his kitchen, grabbing a spare pan to add on top of the stove, thinking, “uh, a cousin? your long-lost brother? i thought ____ was coming over.”

“exactly,” she huffs before motioning over to you, “meet mark, or better known as ____ in mark’s body.”

kun gasps and points the pan at you accusingly, laughter lacing his voice, “oh my god, you fucking swapped?”

you grin and place a hand to drag the pot down, “i know, it’s crazy.”

“at least he’s cute,” the dimpled boy chuckles, sighing in disbelief. he definitely knew you well.

“agreed,” you smile a bit and your roommate shoots you a short-lived glare before looking at kun, “so we came here to destress from such a horrific event by eating your food.”

“that sounds like a plan . . . ,” he muses, a small smile growing on his face as he takes out cooking oil, “you guys can just chill, and i’ll have something cooked up in ten.”

as soon as you pull your phone out, a notification slides onto a screen. you bite your lip as the social messaging app displays the message of a new follower, and when you hold down for more details, you instantly recognize the handle.

mark. he must've searched you up, and if he's managed to follow you on here, he's probably found all your socials by now. as if on cue, you see three more notifs slide gracefully on your phone, beaming with a new friend request. you aren’t sure if you’re happy or annoyed, or a bit of both, but you hold down and open the app to find a new direct message awaiting your approval.

mark1ee (online): hi! sorry if this is creepy but i figured we’re friends now, so...

good lord. you bite your lips to keep from laughing at his shyness, finding it adorable, and avert your eyes from your phone. mina glares at you quizzically, raising a brow as if to ask what you’re amused at, but you simply shake your head emphatically and begin to type back.

you: how’d you know my last name? there’s probably more than one ____ out there. mark1ee is typing . . .

"here, some cheesy ass lasagna. i put, like, five different kinds of cheese in there, or just whatever was in my fridge.” kun slides two plates to you and your roommate and grabs the nearest chair to sit. he looks at you as you tentatively poke at the stuffing, “i didn’t poison it, you know.”

“shut up, i’m critiquing it!” you laugh as you place a food-filled fork in your mouth, smiling at the instant flavor, “whoa, i forgot how good you are at this.”

he lowers his brows as he smiles, “you mean you forgot my job is in the culinary arts?” 

you face downwards as kun strikes up a conversation with your roommate and glance at the notification on your phone. it doesn’t take a moment of hesitation for you to swipe and check mark’s message.

mark1ee (online): i checked the profile pictures. it would be a lot easier to make sure i’m contacting the right person if i had your number ;) you: how smooth. how do i know this is the mark i met earlier today? mark1ee (online): already asking for pics? damn. mark1ee sent a photo mark1ee (online): i forgot that it’s basically just a pic of you lmao :/ now pls send #

you snort and look up to find your roommate and kun staring at you intently. you wave your hand dismissively, "funny meme, sorry."

they give you a strange look before resuming the conversation, and you hide your phone under your leg before digging into the meal before you.

"so, what's going on?"

at the question, yuta sighs as mark walks in, his hand rubbing a towel through his wet hair, "winwin is coming back early. a week early."

"are you not excited?" mark quips. the older male tiredly grins, "i'm excited, believe me. but i'm worried that i won't pay enough attention to your switch."

mark frowns, the wrinkles ruining the feminine face, "i'll be fine. she just sent me her number!"

he takes a seat by yuta and faces the flatscreen in front, his glossy eyes reflecting the bright lights of the video game. yuta glances at his long lashes and soft brows for a moment before resuming the screen, "damn, good job. maybe you have enough game to survive without me."

"wha- fuck you! and you'll still be here!" mark laughs, picking up the other controller.

"i'm running away with winwin, by the way," yuta jokes. he lets mark join the round before pressing the buttons again, "now that you have her number, what are you going to do? ask her on a date?"

mark freezes. he hadn't even thought of what to do, and right now, yuta feels like a personal certified love guru. what a great fucking idea! before he could spend more time admiring yuta's genius, mark drops the controller and sends a new text to you, hoping for a stroke of luck.

he didn't really need luck though. he had literally found his soulmate that morning.

you: wanna go on a date? nctzn (online): how would i get clothes, doof? i'm wearing my roomie's bf's shit now :/ you: well, keep wearing them and i'll buy myself a dress? i don't care what you wear though, i'm not a great dresser.

mark is lying to his new form. he had always considered himself as someone with a good eye for outfits and color coordination. he sighs as the green dot by your profile that signifies your online presence fades away, and he figures he should probably find another way to pass the time while you’re offline. yuta waits expectantly, “well?”

“clothing’s an issue. and i don’t even know where i should take her,” mark grins, “it’s going to feel so weird, like going on a date with myself? trippy.”

“you’ll survive, it’s not like you’re ugly,” yuta sighs as he rolls his eyes with exasperation. mark doesn’t respond. he’s too preoccupied with the idea of you to even process yuta’s words. he’s never felt so giddy about a girl before — even his middle school crushes never got him feeling this jittery. conversation with you flowed so smoothly, and even mark knew how strange it was to feel this way after one conversation. 

he’s glad you reciprocate his feelings. everything’s he heard about soulmates seems to be true: you fit him well. mark knows he should be a little more hesitant, but this is finally a dream come true. you’re a dream come true. 

you: let’s go on a date tmrw then? nctzn (online): ok why not

mark glances up at the bright orange sky. the sun has only just started to set and the evening barely grazes the warm colors. are you just as happy as he is now? is your head filled with thoughts of him, the same way he can’t stop thinking about you?

mark’s pauses, not sure if he should dare to think his next question, but the idea floats in his head anyway and he turns pink with embarrassment.

yuta turns away, silent.

prev | masterlist | next

[365days365movies]

January 6, 2021: Last Action Hero (1993) (Part 1)

Let’s have some fun, shall we?

Comedy is my favorite genre, and I obviously also love action. So, when looking at the subgenres to cover this month, action-comedy most certainly was at the top of the list. But what exactly is action-comedy?

Exactly what it sounds like, funnily enough. Action-comedies rely on physical action sequences to further the plot, but also inject dialogue with humor and jokes throughout the script. Entertainment and amusement combined into one beautiful, succinct package. I’ll be judging the writing for these movies on how much they made me laugh while watching it. That said...

OK, so, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Last Action Hero. Schwarzenegger isn’t exactly the most emotionally expressive actor in the world, as you’ve probably noticed. And expressiveness is somewhat necessary to express humor. Look at Eddie Murphy up there, and see how expressive he is. Schwarzenegger...doesn’t have that. At all. But, this movie could still be funny! Shane Black wrote it, and he wrote one of my favorite guilty pleasure Halloween movies, The Monster Squad. So, I’m looking forward to this movie for that in and of itself. And with that...

 Recap

We start with a sick guitar lick on Christmas Day, as a group of cops close in on a criminal known as the Ripper holding children hostage at an elementary school. But then...Jack Slater (played, naturally, by Arnold Schwarzenegger) arrives. And yes, this is a parody character and scene, meant to lambast all of the stereotypical renegade cop tropes that I’ve literally never seen in a movie. Like, I guess Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop have it, but I think this character concept has been Flanderized into...well...Jack Slater.

Slater kicks a cop through a window with a Schwarzenegger-esque action line, and CRUSHES A RADIO LIKE A NAPKIN. I appreciate Schwarzenegger making fun of himself like this, and we’ve only just begun. Jack goes through banter with the Ripper (Tom Noonan), who...is unironically terrifying. Holy shit, that guy is creepy as fuck, and his stylized ax is intimidating as hell. And as he holds Slater’s son hostage out of revenge, the two face off with some cool action beats, and...

...Shit, I think I want to watch this movie. And I don’t mean Last Action Hero, I mean the in-universe movie that our actual main character, Danny Madigan (Austin O’Brien) is watching. Danny’s a big Jack Slater fan, and one of the only patrons of a movie theater owned by Nick (Robert Prosky). Nick, a kind old man, invites Danny to see the next Slater film before anybody else. And honestly, I get it. I’d watch this movie series unironically if it existed, real talk. Mostly because it seems fun.

Danny’s skipped school just to see this movie, and he walks into his English class, where the teacher shows Lawrence Olivier as Hamlet. Fun fact! The English teacher showing it is played by Joanne Plowright, Olivier’s real life wife! Very sweet! Anyway, Danny, bored by a goddamn classic movie, conjures a different movie in his head.

Fuck yes. I need this movie to exist. 

We learn from Danny’s mother (Mercedes Ruehl) that his father has recently died, and he spends far too much of his time watching movies at Nick’s theater. I look forward to this revelation never being explored. As he’s headed to the theater when he isn’t supposed to, he opens the door at the exact wrong time, and A ROBBER BREAKS INTO HIS PLACE, OH SHIT! Confronted with the type of real danger that he’d see in an action movie, and with no action hero to save him, the robber finds nothing of value and leaves the place. He gets rescued by the cops eventually, and they tell him to go home. But, no, he goes...to the movies.

Mom might have a point there, sport.

While he’s there, Nick brings him in, and begins to monologue to him about his past in the theater business. And that monologue introduces the MacGuffin of the film: the Golden Ticket, given to Nick by Houdini himself, and an alleged portal to another world.

So, is this gonna be more of a Pagemaster situation, or a The NeverEnding Story deal? The Golden Ticket is torn for admission, Danny sits down, and the movie-in-a-movie begins in earnest. In the film, Slater’s cousin Frank (Art Carney in his last film role) is being held hostage by the crime boss Vivaldi (Anthony Quinn), and his henchman...one of the most immediately visually interesting characters I’ve ever seen in a film...in a FILM.

Benedict (played by Charles Dance), is immediately a fascinating character, essentially a non-Marvel Bullseye, and a gunsman with flawless precision. And yeah...I dig it. Oh, how I dig it.

Jack Slater arrives in his snakeskin boots, and discovers Frank, who delivers a message in the cheesiest death sequence I’ve ever seen, followed by the cheesiest bomb compound I’ve ever seen, followed by a bigger explosion than anyone would’ve expected, FOLLOWED by...OK, look, the references to other action movies in this are already ridiculous and all over the place, and I refuse to spoil them all for those of you who’ve never seen this movie.

By the way, I gotta make a comment about Danny real quick. Watching this many action movies may have made him a little...detached...from reality. I say this because he expressed no shock or emotion during or after the robbery, then went immediately to the movie theater, and had no reaction whatsoever about the death of the two cops in the movie. Little budding sociopath, that Danny.

Although, that might change, now that the ticket’s getting all magic-y, and a stick of ACME dynamite (actually in the film, I swear) makes its way into the theater. It explodes, and Danny inexplicably (magically, even) finds himself in the movie. So, Pagemaster, then.

Danny’s complete lack of reaction and emotion in this situation confirms my theory on him being a liiiiiiiiiiittle detached from reality. But then...the most gloriously stupid thing I’ve seen this month happens.

Arnold proceeds to make a pun that is NOT “Nasty brainfreeze,” and I am disappointed forever. Who wrote this? Who wrote this?

We get a car chase fueled with jumps, gunfire, puns, a casual mention of premature ejaculation, and Coca Cola product placement, all accompanied by Danny finally showing a modicum of reaction to the fact that he is IN A FUCKING MOVIE. REACT MORE, DANNY. At his age, I would have soiled myself immediately. At MY age, I would soil myself if this happened to me! Anyway...

OK, I just have to say this now: this movie has some of the most insane shots and set-ups that I’ve ever seen, and by GOD, I am here for it. Like...Did you SEE the motorcycle dress girl panic while a man WAS ON FIRE IN THE BACKGROUND? Earlier, a car does an INSANE jump and crash and explodes in the BACKGROUND, and the movie just treats it like a pigeon flew on set! Nobody cares! THE SCENES IN THIS MOVIE MAKE INSANITY AN ART FORM.

Anyway...we get to the LAPD, and...HOLY SHIT. IS THAT…

Was that Sharon Stone as Catherine Trammel from Basic Instinct, and Robert Patrick as T1000 from Terminator 2? I...but...wait...if...how...I’m broken now. 404, blue screen, reboot, update needed, WHAT?!? I...just...SO many questions, and this movie better answer them.

We see some added insanity, including a man with a houndstooth suit which I DESPERATELY WANT but could not pull off. There’s literally a buddy cop generator, where we also see a rabbi cop, and an Amadeus reference is dropped as F. Murray goddamn Abraham (playing a cop named Practice) appears in this movie, and THEN...an animated cat cop sexually harasses a female cop. I am not joking.

Am...am I insane? Also, if I was in the theaters watching this movie-in-a-movie, I would be both angry and confused as to what in the FUCK was happening!!! WHY IS THERE AN ANIMATED CAT COP IN MY JACK SLATER MOVIE? WHO DIRECTED THIS BULLSHIT (in universe)?? Also that cat was recently suspended, and is also one of their best men.

And then, Danny uses his knowledge of the Jack Slater franchise to break down the barriers of repressed affection between the chief and Slater, and it’s briefly heartwarming for some reason. Anyway, they’re now suspicious of his knowledge of Slater’s life, and this leaves to the inevitable buddy cop pairing of Jack Slater and Danny Madigan. This art-deco something walks by…

...and I desperately need to know more about the art direction of this film. Because, wow, it is an absolute masterpiece of randomly exaggerated shit, damn.

To prove his point about being in a movie, Danny goes to a Blockbuster, which... man, does THAT bring me back! That’s right you young whippersnappers, I WAS THERE FOR BLOCKBUSTER IN THE ‘90s! We used to go to the store and look at the VHSs. I remember seeing The Lost World there, but my dad said I was too young for it. I was sad, but he got me some candy and a Really Wild Animals video, and we watched it that night after Carmen Sandiego. My God. It was paradise.

Anyway, Schwarzenegger doesn’t exist, and find out that Stallone has taken over his roles.

...I’d watch that. I’d watch the HELL out of that. Danny then uses some legitimately impressive math to dissect the “555” number thing in movies, as well as pointing out the lack of non-conventionally attractive women. Which, credit to you, kiddo, for addressing the overwrought emphasis on conventional attractiveness that permeated Hollywood at this time, and to this day. I mean, he’s not criticizing it, but he is pointing it out, and that’s better than nothing in the ‘90s.

Danny guides his way to Vivaldi’s house, where the butler is...Professor Toru Tanaki! He looks exactly like Odd Job from the James Bond series, but the actor is SubZero from The Running Man! You know, the hockey killer!

Anyway, after crack about Schwarzenegger’s “I’ll be back” line, a conversation with Benedict (who has a smiley face instead of a bullseye), and some terrible CGI dogs, Benedict becomes correctly convinced that something’s up with Danny. They arrive at his house, and his college-aged daughter Whitney (played by Bridgette Wilson, in her first film role in and out of the movie, in a neat little twist!) kisses Danny directly on the mouth, and I’m a liiiiiiittle uncomfortable with that. Anyway, we brush right past that, and realize that his son...died. Oh. Uh. Guess we didn’t see the end of that movie, huh? Yikes. Poor Jack.

Hey, Benedict and his gang arrive at Slater’s place! Fun! There’s a sort-of amusing play on “harming a hair on one’s head,” and the interrogation continues. Charles Dance is legitimately threatening as Benedict. And, while we’re at it, Bridgette Wilson has an entertaining action sequence all her own.

Anyway, Jack arrives, and makes a ridiculous jump off of the balcony to pursue Benedict. Benedict name drops getting a tank, which I’m assuming is named the Chekov (film trope reference there, have a good time). Danny realizes that he’s the comedy sidekick of the movie, and at this point, I need to mention something: in case you haven’t noticed, this film is delightfully meta. And I love that about it. 

But it’s also...cluttered. You’ll see what I mean in a little bit, but real talk, I didn’t realize that Benedict had stolen the ticket until Danny mentioned it, because I was apparently quite distracted. And this is an important plot point, as Benedict soon realizes the true power of the ticket, cleverly overlaid by the opening to the Twilight Zone, with Rod Serling mentioning traveling to another dimension. Also...his eye was a bomb. What. Anyway, that explosion results in Slater officially getting fired from the department, and the chief...

Um. Yeah, this movie is also kind of a cartoon, not including the cartoon cat. And you have no idea how much I’m omitting from this movie. The digitization of Humphrey Bogart, the fact that Slater can’t say “fuck” in a PG-13 movie, the surprising character realization that Slater’s ex-wife is actually remarried, the clearly dominatrix cop clad in leather, the fact that there’s a plan to detonate a nerve gas-infused bomb stuffed into a dead man nicknamed Leo the Fart at his own funeral, a digitization of Humphrey Bogart. Yeah, I said that last one twice, because the effect actually holds up really well, like, seriously.

OK, let’s take a break, yeah? Part 2 later today!

[smolbeandrabbles]

Hail To The King -  Henry IV & Reader (The King)

There’s absolutely zero ‘X’ to be had here. & To be used for platonic relationships #AppreciateThePlatonics

Author’s Note: 🎉🎉YES. I freakin’ DID.🎉🎉 Something else will have to come along and be freakin’ SPECTACULAR to stop this from being my movie of the year. Honestly, everyone involved in this movie should be super proud of themselves. This is an absolute gem. And I’m sure I’ll be raving about it for years to come... AND. If there’s one thing I love, it’s a good song. Especially when it fits the source material! Hail To The King - Avenged Sevenfold

Disclaimer: I do not own any of this apart from the words, which I wrote with mine own hand. I will not take away from the fantastic job David and Joel did. Also, seen as Shakespeare pretty much wrote fanfiction of history... this is like... fanfiction of fanfiction (of fanfiction?) Premise: As the King’s Guard it is your duty to protect him from anything. And you’ve done that well over the number of years you have served. There’s just one problem, what happens when you come face to face with the one thing you can’t protect him from...?

Words: 5371

Warnings: swearing / If you’ve not seen the movie and know nothing of the plays then... uh... spoilers!

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Royal flames will carve a path in chaos Bringing daylight to the night Death is riding in to town with armor... Blood is spilled while holding keys to the throne... No mercy from the edge of the blade Dare escape and learn the price to be paid Let the water flow in shades of red now Arrows black out all the light Death is riding in to town with armor They come to grant you your rights

There's a taste of fear When the henchmen call Iron fist to tame them Iron fist to claim it all Hail to the King Hail to the one Kneel to the crown Stand in the sun Hail to the King ---

If you’d ever bothered to trace your family history back, you wouldn’t have been surprised if there was a long line of you that had ended up in the service of whatever royal family was going. You had followed your father, and his father before him, and his before him… All in an array of vastly different roles – sure – but all in direct service to the King. Only difference here was you were female – and happened to have the most physical occupation of them all. King’s Guard. It had probably made sense when he was younger and getting himself into trouble – or dragging you half way across the country onto battlefields for his father and cousin. When you were more friends than anything else… But… When he became King? Shirked was the idea that he should have a woman defend him. But, apparently his thought process was quite the opposite; what kind of woman were you if you were the one charged with defending his life at every moment? Formidable. Worthy of being at his side.  And you were glad for it. You held his confidence, his council and were damn well needed when the realm started their many rebellions – that was before you counted assassination attempts. So when distain was still noted, but had considerably died down, you though you might be owed apologies. Or at least a thank you. No such luck from most of his other advisors. But you didn’t much care for them; you were much more invested now in his children. With his daughters now married into foreign families you had little opportunity to see them. But his four sons, who still liked to practice their swordsmanship, and on occasion treat you like you were still in your twenties and they were still under ten, were fast growing into tough young men of their own. With many responsibilities. Thomas was the one who had taken to this with the most resolve, that was immediately recognisable – and now he too was council to his father. John and Humphrey were content to rest on their laurels, and that made sense – they were likely to never inherit the crown, and you knew that if ever called to such service they would jump at the chance. …Then there was Hal… “Where is that boy of mine-??!” You were snapped from your deep thought, huddled sitting on the wooden steps, by the voice of your King. “Likely in town...” you tipped your head back, eyeing him curiously, he could only be talking about his eldest with a tone like that... “Would you like me to go get him?” It was as much your duty to know the whereabouts of those boys at all times. Henry already looked weary at the notion; “Is that your job?” “Not really.” You stood, brushing yourself down; “But sometimes I do like taking a walk...” He sat back for a second to regard you; “I’ll permit it, but hurry straight back.” You gave a nod of agreement “Your Majesty.” You turned with a smile “Oh-! And Y/N?” “Yes?” You twisted once more, now backing out of the throne room; “Knock some sense into him, would you?!” You gave a laugh “Even when they were younger I always thought it was easier said than done... I’ll see what I can do!” ** You didn’t have to stroll that far and had barely made it out of the castle grounds before you ran into him, looking about as worse for wear as you expected these days. But he was in the company of a man you didn’t recognise; causing your thumb to loosen your blade from its sheath; “Eastcheap no good for tonight then?” Hal sent his eyes heavenward, usually he’d take your snark and give you attitude of his own with amusement. Now it didn’t matter what you said, or how, it would simply be taken as another bout of chiding from his father. Hal essentially saw you as an extension of him now – and he had little patience for either. “…No.” “Well then you best get back inside and cleaned up. I shouldn’t like to send you to your father straight away, but he was asking after you…” and there it was… Hal sighed as if this would be a great effort on his part; “Fine.” You turned you attention from the prince to his companion and drew your eyes up and down him for some explanation. “And you are-!?” “Y/N…” You shot Hal a look to silence him.  “Falstaff, M’Lady…” It was a name you recognised… a seasoned warrior from a previous Kings reign. Although, he didn’t exactly look like that anymore. You wondered where Hal may have dug him up from. But could already jump to obvious conclusions. You folded your arms. “Oh, so you’re the bad influence.” His eyes flicked around the castle walls but didn’t meet your face; “I... don’t know how I feel about being called that.” You turned to Hal, still standing there awkwardly; “Don’t look at me, I’m not the one you answer to, get inside...” “But-!” “Get inside!!” You jerked your thumb over your shoulder, never one for liking repeating yourself.  He sighed, eyes downcast and trudged past you into the castle.  You shook your head and turned back to his companion, who was staring at your armour;  “And who exactly are you?” You folded your arms, eyebrow raised; “That’s a joke right? And not a very funny one...” you walked down the steps to effectively get up in his face - it worked well enough for him to take a pace back “You certainly look like a bad influence.” He smirked gently; “What, and you’re the good one?” You gave a shrug “I’m not here to be either - but seen as he appears a little wayward from time to time I do like to attempt a bit of steering... God knows what would happen if I didn’t.” He surveyed you again; “You’re King’s guard.” “Correct.” “Will you be Hal’s too?”  Part of you wanted to scoff, first it would have to happen – and tension in this family was high enough; “Unless he removes me from service...” you narrowed your eyes at the notion though, “But if I was you, I would have care how I spoke.” One too many strange men appearing on castle grounds got a girl wise to these things. He bent to examine your weaponry “Why? Would you run that through me?” You rolled your shoulders in a shrug; “I can think of worse things to do with my time...” “Surely all that is heavy? Don’t you take a break?”  You raised an eyebrow “It’s... my job.” Not as heavy as the weight of the Kingdom I should think, in its current state. “I see, is that it? Stand around like that all day.” “Occasionally I train Hal and his siblings in combat - which they will obviously need if things continue the way they are. And I advise, on occasion...” you placed your hands on your hips; what it was to him however was beyond you. Still, he nodded his head to the gate that his friend had just disappeared through. “You gonna advise the kid too?” You scoffed this time; “Ha-! Well I’d certainly give him a lot better advice than you.” He gave another smirk “we’ll see about that.”

**

As you expected the ill-feeling continued, and eventually Hal stopped coming around all together. You weren’t exactly surprised, and neither was Henry, which you were glad of. He wasn’t all as delusional as they would call him. However, your King was getting wise to his own mortality. He’d survived a few illnesses so far – but now he was getting older they were getting harder to fight. And today as you looked over the palace gardens his musings caught your attention; “I must call him back.” You were torn between his health as a priority and the knowledge that before something really awful happened, their relationship should be allowed to mend; “Will seeing him not strain you?” “Don’t you ever get tired of telling me what to do?” “I get worried.” You slid off the stone ledge you were sat on, “Now more than ever...” “Mortal life is such...” You lowered your head; “...But I did not expect it to be so sudden... this is my duty, what do I do without you...?” “Continue on.” “If your heir allows it.” “Why should he not?” “I don’t know... children have a funny way of looking at things...” You only began to walk as he did, and slow... you had never been more alert in your entire life - not even when you used to ride the battlefield together and his very life depended on yours. When enemies and weapons surrounded you.

But this was the second time in your life you had felt powerless to stop something. And the first was with his wife. You adored her too, and essentially became her Queens guard. Retaking that oath on their wedding day. It had happened similarly... how were you supposed to protect him from something like this...  And now enemies were on all sides too, what with the addition of Henry Percy to the rebellions. You should have dispatched him yourself over that dinner. You could reprimand yourself over that one later though… Still, in honesty, who would morn beside his father-!? Would you simply be fighting a losing battle? But you couldn’t give up - not on a man that meant so much to you.

*** Similar discussion rolled around again a week later, whilst you were waiting for the servants to finish dressing him one morning. You were the only one in this castle looped into everything. What Henry didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him – what the advisors weren’t telling you, you would gain from those in Henry’s inner most circle – the 4 or 5 of you that held his closest confidence. There was something in your demeanor that made you perfect to stand by his side and defend him, as well as make the right connections to have all the information at your disposal at any one time. Anyone who needed to know it would know in due time. Kindness paid you well, but being quiet and unassuming was twice as powerful. 

“I must speak to Hal, don’t you think? Before this gets worse.” This time your answer was different, if Henry were to listen to reason, he would do it now; “I do believe that wouldn’t go amiss.” He nodded, turning to let them smooth out his cloak ready for another communal day listening to very boring stories where you would try not to roll your eyes. You used to give each other similar looks of distain back in his younger days... Now Henry seemed to make snap judgments that didn’t make him very popular; and it was your duty to stand and listen and accept it. Having said that, if he turned to anyone, it was still to you. “I will summon him, then, lay down the rules. How I expect my succession to go.” “If I may, he only needs some straight and narrow. And giving it to him as laid down should help him with that…” you gave a nod of approval to his suggestion “Firm but fair.” He was giving you that look again that meant you didn’t necessarily believe in your suggestion “…Y/N… The truth from you now.” He dipped his head but kept those piercing blue eyes on you. You breathed a heavy sigh; “…Go easy on the firm…” You gave a gentle smile “…I believe the fair will be what he needs most.” ***

As the meeting was adjourned you allowed yourself to lower your head into your hands; oh, Lord above what have you done? Clearly whatever you had said days previously had gone over his head, been forgotten, or someone else in this room had put other notions in his head. You glared at his row of ‘advisors’ – you could make a fair few guesses. If only you were just allowed to go around and take them all out without some yelling treason and getting you killed. You ground your teeth and excused yourself from your King for a moment. “Tell me this wasn’t someone else’s idea?” Thomas gave a shrug “…I… Cannot say I knew it was coming. But neither can I say it’s a surprise.” “Whether that be Hal or the battle?” “Oh. The battle was set… Why?” “Would you like me to accompany you?” He politely shook his head; “Your place is at my fathers side.” “I know that, but he’s hardly about to fight a war is he…” “You may stay, if I need you I will send for you…” Thomas was always your favourite, you didn’t like the idea that he was about to walk into this on his fathers orders “…You promise?” “I promise.” “Well then you best keep it, if you are to succeed him, then I would expect you to already be utilizing me.” He gave a smile at that, and a confident nod; “Perhaps I shall see you on the battlefield?” You reflected his warm smile with your own; “Until such a time, Thomas! I wish you luck!” It wasn’t so hard to catch Henry after talking quickly to Thomas and even less hard to get him to usher all his other bickering advisors away; “When I said talk to Hal, that isn’t exactly what I had in mind!!” “...What? Do you believe me to have lapsed in judgement...?” “He is your son! I would just expect that...” You held your tongue at the look he was giving you “That boy is no son of mine, do you think he cares? He would sooner see me dead than come to my heed - and he said it himself, he does not seek the crown of England.” You tried to not look so hurt; what had caused such a rift... you had your own ideas... Hal had always been the wayward unruly one... but the eldest. You always thought he would come back, and perhaps he would have. But both he and his father shared a similar distaste for one another’s company that had never really healed. Not even now, when Henry, like it or not was a dead man walking.

 **

  Things declined, and fast. It wasn’t like you could say one day he was fine and the next he wasn’t, he’d been ailing for a while - but you expected it to draw itself out a little longer... but when hour two of you sitting in the throne room alone rolled around you knew something was wrong. And you knew he’d long since lost the strength to wander alone; so he wouldn’t be in any of the places you would have usually found him pondering life. You decided you’d rather be in trouble for not being here when he arrived than leaving anything too late.  And you were right; although when you got to his bedchamber only his doctor was still present. You stood in the doorway patiently, and he spotted you, whispering something to your King he came over; “I fear we are at the end...” It was like getting stabbed through the heart with your own sword, and as expected you couldn’t hold the dread from your voice; “...Is there nothing...” “Y/N I have done all I can... I know this is particular hard on y-” “You have NO idea how hard this is for me!” You spat back a little more venomously than you really meant. You were angry, confused, scared, upset.  Henry had always laughed and told you your face was too emotional, and you always pushed him and told him you were his emotional support. At least you could actually roll your eyes when someone came to him with something stupid. Not that you were supposed to, but sometimes needs must. The doctor looked more than a little taken aback, so your expression softened and you lowered your eyes “Forgive me this is just... after losing her I... I thought I would lose my life before he did...” “Have you not done your job amicably well if he is dying like this?” “In agony? When I cannot do anything? Should the King’s Guard really outlive their King?”  You were met with a silence, before the doctor turned to Henry again; “He will need rest... but you may stay...” “How long...?” “Little more than a week, I wouldn’t hope to expect that...” You swallowed back your tears, and he lay a hand on your arm; “...Y/N... I am sorry...” “...Are preparations made... is no one going to...” “What are preparations now? After Thomas-” You shot him another look “So we need to debate over Hal, now?” “Y/N... until he-” “For goodnessake...” You shook your head; fine. If his other advisors won’t say it, you would. Your smile was a thin line; “Thank you Doctor... I’ll take it from here...”

Those were some of the hardest steps you’d ever had to take, which you thought was pretty pathetic on your part. He’s your King dammit! It doesn’t matter for how much longer, he is NOW! It’s YOUR job to be his strength, while he still has some of his own... But he was your whole life, your whole world, your best friend. And if there was something to go through, you’d probably been through it together. And for all the talk of you supposedly saving his life, you couldn’t count the number of times he’d saved yours. Your eyes flicked to the castle grounds visible from the window, and you were glad they hadn’t left it dark in here. Though if they had you’d have done something about it. Always the rebellious one. You sat on the edge of his bed and sighed gently... if this really was it then you’d never get to walk with him anywhere again, let alone out there. You were starting to wish you’d savoured yesterday that little more. It wasn’t long before his hand took yours, and you were forced to smile. His voice was weak but held that amusement that let you know he wasn’t truly done yet. “...Never thought you’d have to see me like this...” You shook your head, eyes still on the scenery “...this is you we’re talking about... I’ve seen much worse.” He managed a chuckle; “Oh! About to get a collective embarrassing life story, am I?” “I’ll spare you that, your Grace.” “Oh. The honour is mine...”  You laughed, despite the circumstances... “But in seriousness... we do need to talk about what happens next.” “Hal?” Your nod was barely there, unless he was about to offer up a second suggestion; “Who else?” There was a grumble and Henry withdrew his hand, which made you look back to him; “...I didn’t wish to see you lose any of them before your own life... but we can’t pretend it didn’t happen... Henry if you don’t name an heir there will be chaos... even if Hal is the more obvious choice... I don’t trust-” anyone! He sighed; “You never have.” “No. With good reason! Everyone here is here for themselves...” “And you aren’t?” “Thought it might be obvious by my title...” I’m here for you. You folded your arms “And if I have to tell you some home truths, so be it. I’m not afraid to do so.” “...Do you think he’s ready?” “I think he’ll be different.” “That wasn’t an answer to my question.” “How can anyone be ready? I’m not ready, and I’ve been preparing for what happens if I don’t do my job for 20 years-!” “You cannot shield me from this one...” “And how do you think THAT makes me feel-!?” There was sudden silence at the way you’d raised your voice and you sighed again “Forgive me, I...”

His hand reached out again and this time he brushed away the single tear that had escaped; “Do not waste your tears on me... crying is all but useless.” Your voice was barely above a whisper as it graduated to despair; “What am I supposed to do without you..?” “I told you. You will do your duty. And you better damn well do it good - that boy will need it.” You blinked a few times, allowing for a pause worthy of the significance, and raised an eyebrow; “Is that you agreeing with me on this one-!?” He chuckled again, “Come now; I don’t often disagree with your judgement.” “This is a major judgement...” you took his hands back in yours “Henry, it needs to be your decision and they all need to hear you say it...” “And they will, even if it’s the last thing I say...” You sighed gently again with a nod, despite your frustration, even now he wasn’t willing to mend fences. Well. You don’t know why you expected it. “May I stay?” “You may...” he closed his eyes again “... That way you can tell everyone else to leave.” You couldn’t help but grin, even though he couldn’t see it; oh you’d only wanted to do THAT from the second you’d been appointed... You left his bed, and settled in a chair, relaxing; “With pleasure..!” You ended up reading, head propped up in your hand and sword braced against the wall. It wasn’t something you had much occasion to do these days, and you for once gained your enjoyment from being absorbed in books, and not parrying in the courtyard with adolescent males who still hadn’t figured out a way to beat you yet that didn’t involve foul play. You smiled absentmindedly at the memory as you read on; no prizes for guessing which member of the family you ought to be thanking for that. Your eyes flicked up as he murmured something, and everything stilled for a moment. He murmured it again – a little louder but barely enough for you to catch it; you placed a marker in the book and slid it from your knee – leaning forward and focusing on him. It sounded like a string of nonsense – and you realised that he must be lost in dreaming. That didn’t make your approach any less curious. You stopped just short as he mumbled again; “…Mary…" Oh… Henry…  You crouched beside him, lacing your fingers with his. He repeated her name a little louder now, and his fingers closed around yours tighter – as if desperate not to let go. His calling of her more urgent. You bit your lip gently, and attempted to calm him with gentle hushed tones of your own. And all at once you knew. He would have her back, he would get to see her again. You knitted your eyebrows together – was it fair to keep him here, to pray to God few more precious hours as much as you did, when all he’d wanted since she’d died was to see her again? It was like everything was being forced into perspective – and when he relaxed you dropped your hand from his and looked Heavenwards. He was your everything. But you should be thinking about his everything… ‘Forgive me…’ ** Every morning since then you’d been the first one to his room. For a start, there was no way you were letting anyone else beat you to the King’s side, and you wanted to pay damn close attention to the kinds of poison they might be whispering. On occasion you would simply make sure your sword hit something as you moved, to keep them in line. Your concern now was them leading him to something when he had very little effort to fight it off. He’d already made some rash decisions when he was completely lucid... some of the people that came to him had good points-! Even if they went about it the wrong way...  

But, people had been calling him delusional for a little while and you weren’t having that, or anything else, happen now. So you watched them all with a particular form of glower. You’d only left his side to rest. Not that you got much of that done either - pacing the halls outside your room instead. You would wait in his, but, you had to at least act like life may go on. It wouldn’t. You would be just as delusional for thinking so... This morning however, was worse than all the rest. You took the steps 3 at a time and walked that corridor as briskly as you had any other day. But as you turned into his room you knew something was badly wrong. And that made you sprint the rest of the way, to your knees.  His breathing was laboured, and even in taking his hand there was no strength left.  “Henry...” He barely opened his eyes to you; “Y/N...” His voice was just as weak. And for the first time since he’d been bed bound, you didn’t want to cry. Some kind of amicable strength overcame you. “Save your words, My King... I shall gather everyone...” you knew he knew too.  A shiver ran through him that you also didn’t like. Just stay alive... please until Hal is here... stay alive...  You stood, and were about to turn and run from the room once more, but something stopped you. You reached down gently, and tucked his dark hair away from his face. Then you bent - and pressed a short kiss to his forehead. It wasn’t enough, but it was what you needed to say.

** You didn’t know if you were supposed to be running quite this fast in mail; and your sword occasionally banging into you caused a dull pain, but you didn’t care. Everyone you could think that would need to be there you roused from sleep, or any other mundane task they might be doing, in order to be by his side. And by the time you got back they were ready to administer last rights.

You stood in the centre of that room and surveyed it, a slow smooth circle until you were facing him again. Everyone was solemn and quiet. And there wasn’t anyone missing to be doing the task, either. You were about to raise the noise level; “Where is Hal?” “...Why would...” “Are you serious?! Without putting too finer point on it - we will need a new King. An heir to the throne of England. We can’t exactly have the first choice can we - where is Hal!?” “The King has not named Hal as the success-” “Are you JOKING!” You took an intimidating step forward, “Who else, pray tell, will sit on the Throne of England??! Would you like to call the Scots? The Welsh? The French? Hal is the heir and Henry’s eldest son...” “This King has not-” “RETRIEVE HAL FROM TOWN. One of you! NOW!” There was another silence like they weren’t going to heed your words. But within it a second weaker voice; “Hal...” You all turned at the sound of your King “...He must... you must...” You turned to them all with a sharp look; “I believe that is deceleration enough - one of you GO-!”

To be honest if your look was going to do anything it would well have murdered them on the spot, but it didn’t - so William was the one to volunteer to go. And you at least gave him a glum smile of thanks, before taking a deep breath and nodding to the Archbishop. It was time. Like it or not. And you didn’t.

***

You couldn’t stay, you should have been in that room but you couldn’t bare it. Watching his heart break over Mary was one thing too many even now; having him watch yours do the same wasn’t something you could do to him as he died. Instead you stood outside, one foot up against the wall. Your thoughts both equally merciful and selfish. Let it be quick and have him suffer no more... let him linger a while I’m not ready yet... But you weren’t even there, would it matter now. There was sudden screaming from the entrance way that made you look up; “Where is the monster!?” You sighed, Oh...Hal... You were right, fences could never be mended... would they be even now? All you could really be glad of was that he came.

Hal paused as he wheeled around the corner and caught sight of you. And composed himself, solemnly, you wouldn’t trust to hope he would be doing it for any reason other than you. Hal and yourself had never had any reason to not get along, other than the man you served. His walk slowed a little but he understood the urgency. His nod to you meant a great deal more than he would realise. You smiled gently at his interactions. He was like you, maybe that’s what Henry saw that he didn’t like. You weren’t opposed to the shakeup. You and he were two sides of the same coin - Hal and you would become the same side - there would be a lack of balance there - but you had discipline and your nature suited you to your job. There was a point where Henry liked that. Maybe he just didn’t want to see it in his own son. Either way, he was never blaming you for it.

**

You weren’t sure you had ever felt like this. Hollow emptiness, maybe, but it hurt so bad. You’d had weeks and months of this and you all knew what was coming. And yet... When it happened it was unbearable. There was sudden shuffling... and you knew everyone was dropping to Hal’s feet. You were still stood outside. They accepted because why? Because he had said so as he died? Because it was the only way? - if Hal relieved you from duty you could stick around. If he didn’t, you had a feeling he would need you more than his father did. Discord from the outside was naught like fighting something from within. Enemies on all sides once more. In a different way... You were aware of your tears this time and decided that this once you were allowed to not keep them at bay. You were conscious of Hal’s exit from the room and pulled yourself away from the wall. He paused, and turned to you. You took a breath, knowing you were duty bound to kneel to your King. And you would - but before you could even take the step he held his hand out. “You do not need to-” “It would be improper of me to not-” Hal was incredibly soft spoken, and that tone would serve him well; “Y/N - given your standing with my father, I would not have you submit in such a way before I am truly crowned...” he paused, and tilted his head, he saw those tears. And yet you should still be getting down on your knees... “...You will stay... in office?” You opened your mouth, but what to say, of course you would accept, and Henry had asked it of you. But did you risk looking too eager, everyone else would likely be forced, and yet he was giving you the choice. You countered; “If you would wish me to... and permit me to... I will stay.” He nodded in agreement “You are my Kings Guard.” “As you are my King.” There was a clear decision in that sentence that flickered across your face and Hal’s eyes at the sentiment. “...That is agreeable. You served my father well. I am of mind enough to know you shall do the same for me.”  You gave a nod, Henry V... that’s what he would be... your second, and your second term in such an office. You could only hope not to outlive this one, and that he would reign for many a year. You bowed instead, low, so low you might as well have knelt. And when you stood again you were smiling. All hail a new era - maybe one England desperately needed.

“Hail to the King.”

---

Hope you know I wasn’t resisting at least ONE GIF.

@dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad.

[elliepassmore]

Heir of Fire Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, magic, Fae, training montages, brewing rebellion, enemies-to-friends,Throne of Glass, strong female leads, multiple POVs I'll admit right now that Heir is my favorite book in the series, followed closely by Blade. I'm pretty sure this is the one I've reread the most, so I've pretty much have it memorized at this point (it's also the only one I also have in German, even if I haven't read that edition yet). Just, be prepared for lots of 'I love's. Keep in mind, the reveal from the ending of Crown of Midnight is going to be addressed in this review, so be warned. I love that, like in Blade, we get to see more of the world ToG is set in. Celaena goes to Wendlyn and hangs out in the mortal capital city, Varese, for a little bit. During the brief bit of time she's there, we get an understanding that it's a hot city that's pretty similar to Rifthold, only without the history of oppression and fear (read: it and its people are a lot happier). We also get a nicely painted picture of the misty, tree-covered valleys and mountain sides as well as some of the fishing towns. Mistward, the fortress she trains at, seems like it would be an awesome vacation spot if it weren't so close to Maeve, and that was honestly what I thought about most of the time when I deemed to analyze it. One place I definitely wish we got to see more of, but understand why we don't because of plot reasons, was Doranelle, the Fae capital city. Maas painted it as a city island of stone and water. The way she stone and the palace was described makes me think a little of how Ahdieh describes the palace in Wrath and the Dawn, while the waterways make me think of a more magical Venice. The monsters and creatures throughout the realm were also pretty cool and seemed to have well-developed lore. In terms of character development, I love Chaol in this one. If you've read my other reviews, you know I'm not the biggest fan of his character or his relationship(s) with other people. However, we get to see him questioning things he knows, questioning what he thinks he knows, and even getting questioned by other people. Dorian flat out calls him out on his beliefs regarding magic and gives one of the best (and I think one of the most quoted) lines of the series: "You cannot get to pick and chose which parts of her to love" (344). Aedion also questions Chaol's beliefs, pointing out that Chaol is avoiding choosing a side and still has a bit of that blind obedience going through him. Both of those instances, combined with some of the other stuff Chaol learns and sees in this book really helps him start to question what the fuck he's been doing these past ten years and the man he's been serving. Chaol actually starts becoming a likable character in this one, despite his lingering prejudices about magic and even some reservations. This is definitely peak Chaol, at least until we reach Tower of Dawn. Another character who goes through a big change is Celaena. She starts of as Celaena, the assassin, and is dragged to see Maeve where, for the first time in the book, she is instead addressed as Aelin, the princess. Rowan, the person assigned to train her, calls her Aelin throughout the book, but you can tell there's a division in her, not just because of the way she feels and acts and what she says, but because of what she calls herself when it's her 'turn' to narrate. Rowan calls her Aelin, but she still calls herself Celaena. There's a lot of rage and desperation and fear in her, from her far- and recent-past, and it runs her. She's obviously depressed for most of the book, something that Maas wrote wonderfully and portrayed as something human and real and painful. That's the mindset she starts in, and we see her descend further into it before rising back up, but it takes a while.

During that time, it's clear she still has some hope, still has some sense that she wants to live for something, again because of her name. Rowan calls her Aelin, she calls herself Celaena, but she has the other demi-Fae living and training at Mistward call her Elentiya, Nehemia's name for 'spirit who cannot be broken.' Names mean something to her (and to the other characters, they are a motif throughout the book that I could probably write an entirely separate review on), and they signal where she is in her journey. From an arc perspective, Aelin struggles and fights and becomes, and by the time the book is over, it really does feel like Celaena and Aelin are two completely separate people. As a bonus, we get a lot of background information about Celaena/Aelin and SO MANY Easter eggs. As a side note, not really related to character development, but this is the first time since ToG when I felt that when Celaena/Aelin got beaten in a fight it was an actual testament of the other person's skill rather than Celaena/Aelin getting watered down a bit (not counting when she was poisoned in the duel w/ Cain). In Blade, we saw her strength and abilities, and then in ToG and CoM, they were kind of a let down and I felt she got beaten too easily, but here it feels more like an even show of power like it would've been in Blade.

I felt Dorian was a more stagnant character during this book. He slowly worked on his powers and tried to hide them, but for the most part he was shut out of the scheming and major events that were occurring in the book. That's not to say he doesn't have an arc, he does, I just think it was mostly set up and completed in the first two books, with this one serving as the conclusion for his Part 1 arc (in terms of development, ToG is pretty evenly split with Part 1 arcs going from ToG to this one and part 2 arcs going from QoS to the end, with both parts serving the overarching Arc for each character). Dorian really feels like he could become king in this one, with the way he talks and the decisions he makes, especially regarding things he doesn't 100% understand or get. Though, to be honest, he's always been the character out of Celaena, Chaol, and him that handles big reveals and twists best. Anyway, his behavior has markedly matured, even when it comes to his romantic relationships. We saw that he was mopey in ToG and even parts of CoM after the whole thing with Celaena went down, and how he was willing to give frivolous gifts, but here we see a shift to him understanding, or at least starting to understand, why certain things occurred the way they did as well as a shift toward him working more seriously when in a romantic relationship. He's also quicker to disavow the king and what he's doing than Chaol is, which is both unexpected and probably difficult. But like I said, these changes are subtle and small compared to the changes in the other characters, which is why I called his arc mostly-stagnant, even if I like his character. Manon is an awesome character. I think I tended to skip her chapters the first time I read this book, but ended up really liking them in Queen, so I started paying attention during my rereads. I think my main issue with her was that she was new and didn't have a connection to the other, already established characters, because she's a really bad ass character. She's an Ironteeth Witch, like Baba Yellowlegs, only she's colder and more hardcore. Manon is brutal and beautiful and dangerous and knows it. More than that, she knows how to use it to her advantage. Every move is about clawing her way up and eventually getting back to the Witchlands (now known as the Western Wastes). Manon has some stunning development in this book, going from cruel and cunning and uncaring to cruel and cunning and caring a little. I like how her relationship and leadership roles within the Thirteen was established, and enjoy the power-house that group is. I also really like her dedication to getting Abraxos up and in the air. In terms of who mirrors Manon, I think it's Abraxos. No one really thinks Manon is the underdog, but their similarities throughout this book and the rest of the series are, I think, probably too many to be coincidental (or they are and it just works out really well). Aedion Ashryver is a fun addition to this book. Cousin to Aelin, he too has been serving the king for the past however-many-years. He's a lot like Aelin, only more male and with a different kind of darkness. Where Aelin's darkness is quick and wicked, Aedion's feels slower and honey-like. Either way, I thought he was a funny character and it was nice to get up close and personal with someone who has been actively working against the king for some time (and who has narration). He can be a bit misguided re: Aelin at times, but his heart's in the right place and it's obvious he not only cares for her but for his country. Can't really say much about character arc here, since I think his comes more in Part 2, but I have really liked his character since the first read-through. Rowan's another good addition, even if I hated him the first time I read the book. He's a mirror to Aelin mentally and developmentally, similar to how Aedion is Aelin's mirror physically. Both Aelin and Rowan are in dark places when they meet and they both have to deal with hauling themselves out of that space during the book. Rowan's brutal, but once Aelin (and we as an audience) warm up to him a little, he's a much better character. He's not the sadistic bastard someone (I think it was Luca) claims him to be, again, once you get to know him, he seems downright playful. He opens up to Aelin and begins his own ascent from darkness, and I think that comes through in the moments when he is playful, when he is caring, when he does look out for the people around him. I think he has the bond with Maeve weighing pretty heavily on him, and I have to wonder if some of his coldness and distance isn't because he doesn't want to get close to someone and have that taken away by Maeve, either directly or indirectly. I also think he's seeing Celaena grow into Aelin and realizing that Maeve is not the kind of person she should be, not the kind of person Rowan really believes in. Some other characters of note include Sorcha, who has a pretty good (and then a pretty bad) twist in her story. I liked her interactions and relationship with Dorian, I thought they were cute together. Emrys is another good one. He's a demi-Fae who works in the kitchens and is the story-teller at Mistward. He proves to be a good friend and ally to Aelin, as well as a god catalyst for Rowan. I wish we got to see more of him and Malakai (his mate) together. Luca was cute, sort of like a chattery younger brother type. The Cadre were intriguing, even if we didn't get much of them. Ren and Murtaugh we met in Crown and we see again here. I like Murtaugh and I like his and Ren's relationship, but I don't like Ren (at least until a bit later). I love the Thirteen and their loyalty, and I can't wait until I can talk about them more in the next review. Overall (obviously), I like the book. I think there's some great character, world, and plot development going on here that incorporates previous things and brings in new ones. I know ToG is a cohesive series, but, as mentioned a bit above, I tend to think of it in parts, and Heir closes out Part 1, both plot-wise and in terms of character development. I think this book rivals Blade for how many hints and clues about future things/events were dropped. So, five years later and it's still my fave.

[seashellrosekitty]

Crestfallen | Part Three

Pairing: Scott McCall x Female Reader (eventually), Stiles Stilinski x Reader (platonic)

Wordcount: 2k 

Plot: You’re new to Beacon Hills, grieving your parents’ death. Scott befriends you in Biology class.

Chapter Characters: Natalie Martin, Lydia Martin, Stiles Stilinski, Coach Bobby Finstock, and Noah Stilinski; mentions of Isaac Lahey, Erica Reyes, and Vernon Boyd

Warning: Deep Angst. The reader’s character might come off as depressing to you. Real world AU - our beloved Alpha and Banshee are merely humans in this story.

A/N: First GIF isn’t mine. Got it from Google.

Part Two

It was almost November, roughly two months since I moved in with the Martins. Each day was getting colder. Gloomier. Lots of times I had thought about home. I thought about my friends Erica, Isaac, and Boyd. We weren’t the cool kids. And we certainly didn’t dream of being the cool kids. We were what you would consider invisible and happy with it. There weren’t defining cliques in our school. The four of us had our own world. And the one thing we all loved was Coldplay. 

Isaac and Boyd worked at the local mechanic shop after school. Their thing was cars and motorcycles, but just like Stiles and Scott, they also had lacrosse to fill their afternoons and weekends. Erica loved going Star Trek conventions and more often than she should, to the hair salon. I, on the other hand, loved the movies. From the classics like Casablanca to pop culture ones like Pitch Perfect, I watched them all. I adore them all. 

Sure, we had a common denominator. But we talked about lots of things. You know that kind of friendship that doesn’t need a reason to be together? That’s how we were. How we used to be. I missed them so much. But at this point in my life, I was not ready to face them. Is that weird? I missed them, but I didn’t wanna see them?

***

On the first week of the month, I didn’t know much about what was going on with me, but it sure got me to trouble. It was a dreading week in gym class and Coach Finstock was being a lot more annoying than usual. Such a loudmouth. He kept calling whoever was not as peppy as he was.

Unfortunately, I was one of those kids. Sometimes I mentally told him off, asking him what kind of teacher he is when he clearly lacks empathy or anything remotely close it. I mean, if a kid is less than energetic than other kids, what does that tell you?

I was getting annoyed by the way he kept snapping at me with his loud, phlegm-induced voice whenever he caught me just standing or sitting in a corner. No matter how loud he yelled me, he didn’t intimidate me at all. We had rock climbing and I didn’t want to participate. I was afraid of being up that wall, no matter how strong the harness was. There was no way I was going up.

“Y/L/N, everybody climbs! Now! Up you go!” He demanded. His voice was rough and loud, as always. I kept a straight face and didn’t move a foot. I already told him I didn’t want to go. I even explained how terrified I was of being up there. For some reason, his hostile temperament kept me calm no matter how I tried to explain and be firm with him.

I guess there was no way to reason with this guy. He turned his back on me when I thought I was still thinking, still trying to brace myself for that impossible climb, when I heard myself utter in my most sarcastic voice, “Up you go my ass.”

He turned around. He heard it. He heard me. Fuck.

“What was that young lady?” he threatened. My lips were sealed. But my eyes were screaming murder. “What? You’re mute all of a sudden?” He was chuckling now, enjoying this very moment of my embarrassment. Everybody was looking at us now. At me. I glared at everyone around us, looking at me. “Look, Y/L/N, I haven’t got all day. Detention. NOW.” I inhaled deeply and turned around. I could still feel my eyes murdering him. But somehow I was relieved for not having to climb that wall, but also just a tad bit worried about what Natalie would say. For sure, it was gonna be something I don’t wanna listen to.

I spent an hour in detention scribbling all sorts of profanity that I was screaming in my head. I drew trees. Lots of it. And they were all terrible ones. I’m no artist, that’s for sure. That whole hour, I realized how good Lydia and her friends were as students. They always had things coming and going. I think they were never in detention. I thought of them as my hand drew lines in my notebook.

Scott was getting mostly A’s in AP Biology. Two weeks ago, he started using big words like “ephemeral” in normal conversations. Everyday, he had a new word. I found it pretty funny, actually.

Meanwhile, Lydia got busy with her Math and Science clubs. There was an inter-school math olympiad competition coming up, and a science fair for middle schoolers that the high school Science club had organized. Stiles wasn’t academically competitive compared to the other two, but he devoted some of his free time helping out his dad at the police station. He’s so smart about detective stuff, I think he might join the police force in the future.

They’re such good kids. Sometimes I felt ashamed hanging out with them. Especially that Lydia is family. There’s always that thing. The chance to be compared to her. Anyway, I enjoyed detention. I was away from everybody. But as soon as the bell rang, my fun ended as well.

When Lydia and I got home, I rushed up to my room and buried my face to the bed. I felt like time was passing so fast that I could already picture Natalie’s face frowning at me. Judging me. The next thing I knew, Lydia was waking me up for dinner. I basically slept for two hours trying to escape this shithole I seem to have dug myself into.

I wasn’t wrong. I was bound to be confronted about my recent behaviors in school.

“I heard you were giving Coach Finstock a hard time today, Y/N,” Natalie began. I knew it. They pick up on trouble like fucking hound dogs. She didn’t even just call me to her office and waited ‘til all of us got home before she decided to do this talk. In front of the food. In front of my perfect cousin. I just looked at her as I picked on my food with my fork.

“He’s the one who gave me a hard time. I didn’t wanna climb.”

“How do you expect to be graded if you don’t participate in class? And speaking of which, Principal Thomas told me you’ve been skipping classes, too.” I didn’t say anything back. I’m surprised she hasn’t noticed when she herself was in school every day as well.

I also didn’t look at her. But I could already feel my face heating up. Lydia’s wide eyes were on me too, of course. She didn’t know I was in detention. If people’s bodies appeared literally the way they felt, then my head must be burning now.

“You better fix that attitude, Y/N,” Natalie commanded.

“OR WHAT? What are you gonna do, huh? Tell my parents?!” I don’t know why I said that but it just came out. My heartbeat was picking up and I wanted to scream at her. Instead, I stood up quickly before she could say anything back and rushed to my room and locked myself in there.

I badly wanted to run away. No. I wanted to disappear.

That night, Natalie tried to talk to me. She knocked a few times but my lights were already off and of course, I pretended to be asleep. The next morning on the ride to school, Lydia and I were silent as dead people in a graveyard. I was still cranky from the night before. I probably looked like I could kill someone with just a look in the eye.

***

Stiles and I agreed to meet after school for another History project. I asked him if we could go to his house this time. I didn’t want to come home early. I told Lydia I would be with Stiles. I guess she hated my guts so much that she didn’t even bother hanging out with her boyfriend for a while.

Our History project involved a lot of research and analysis for a thorough report and debate due the following week. Talk about making things complicated. Our discussion started at 5 PM and ended at around 8:30, when his dad had just arrived from the station, bringing us dinner. We were so into our discussion that we totally forgot about dinner.

An hour later, Sheriff Stilinski was already drowsy from drinking half a bottle of Jack while he studied cases from the station. He was talking to himself, trying to understand them. I watched Stiles get stressed over his dad. They would bicker just about anything, especially about food. At times, they forget I was around that they would exchange roles of being the parent and son in the room. Sometimes I found them amusing and sometimes I found things between them sad. A better term would be ‘bittersweet’. I never got to know this side of Stiles. I thought he was all sarcasm and jokes and the daily avoidance to face life’s shit. But here he was. Facing life’s shit daily.

He and his dad take care of each other. His mom passed away when he was young. Stiles had always made sure his dad ate well. Even though he allowed him to drink at night sometimes - just to soften a hard day’s work. Anticipating the day to come for another hardball to play was another thing, I guess. A drink, indeed, was necessary.

That night, Stiles caught his dad finishing a whole bag of fries from the takeouts. Of course, it was too late for anything except him scolding his dad about hypertension. After putting him to bed, he went downstairs mumbling, “People say it’s difficult to raise kids. But did they ever think of kids who try to raise their parents?” It was almost 9 PM and we just wanted to patch up a few details before calling it a night.

He offered to drive me home in exchange for finishing later than agreed. If I were to decide, I would say he needed the drive too. We were mostly quiet during the ride home. But I was comfortable with it. I wasn’t pressured to talk about anything. Stiles became someone so easy to be with. Perhaps that’s why, when he pulled over at the Martins’, I blurted out something that’s been in my head for a while.

“You’re lucky you still have your dad, Stiles,” I quietly said. He looked at me with the expression he’s never showed me before. I believe the word for it is ‘concern’. If not pity.

“I’m sorry, Y/N/N,” he muttered. I guess it was ‘pity’ then. “I shouldn’t have complained. It just...gets really difficult sometimes.” It turns out, I judged him for pitying me. When did I become so snobby and judgmental?

“No. I’m sorry,” I insisted. “I didn’t mean for you to compare your life to mine. I’m just...I know I’d do the same if I were in your shoes. It’s not like we have a choice, right?”

He looked at me in the eyes almost without blinking. I could tell he was thinking of what he wanted to say to me. But instead, he gave me that sad smile I’ve been seeing everywhere - from almost everyone I spoke to. I didn’t resent him for that. His mom died too. I can’t imagine growing up without my mom. And he did. And he became this really strong person he probably doesn’t even know he is. Since then, I never looked at Stiles the same way. He was a responsible kid, no matter how strongly he wore that clown facade. He has earned my respect that night.

If one of my parents were still alive, I would do what Stiles does. I’ll make sure they live longer than they expect themselves to.

Part Four

@bojabee @jurrasicpork @thejourneyofabrokenheart @sav625 @kim-hunter5 @seninjakitey

[bangtanbabeloveyourself]

Oh What A Wedding

Pairing: Female reader x BTS

Tags: Casual, Slice of Life, Home, Family, Wedding, Bridesmaid, Groomsmen, Future Fluff, Future Smut, Series, Chapter

Chapter: 1|2|

Word count: 2.5k

Writer’s Note: This is my first attempt at a multi chapter piece. I’ve also never written about all seven members. This chapter contains no smut but there will be smut in the upcoming chapters! If you like it, don’t forget to reblog so others have the chance to read it as well!

Summary: You’re a new novelist and your little sister is getting married. Because of work, you could only show up two weeks before the wedding. While preparing for the wedding, the groomsmen catch your attention, but not as much as you catch theirs. They make a bet as to who can win your heart first and you may have just found your next novel.

You walked over to the baggage claim area with an exasperated sigh. Flying was such a pain in the ass but it would be worth it. You were going to see your little sister, Katherine, get married. You had never been more happy for her. She was such a sweet girl and so was her fiance. They had been together since they were kids. Shane was one of the neighbor boys that you both had grown up around. They were inseparable up until graduation. Shane had gotten into a modeling gig that required him to move out of state for a while. That was the time your sister had spent in college. There was no doubt in her mind that they would end up together, so she planned her career around his and got a degree in fashion design.

She had always been the more fashionable of you two. Usually the older sister was supposed to be the trend setter. She loved to rub it in your face too. But you paid no mind to it. There was nothing wrong with your oversized sweatshirts and cartoon leggings. In any case, your choice in clothing hardly mattered when your career was solely based on staying indoors.

Once Shane had gotten a good footing in his modeling agency, he came back to your hometown and proposed to Kat. With the money he had earned and the money that parents had been saving for years, the wedding was to be done in under a year from the proposal. That didn’t give you a lot of time to get your life together first, but there was no chance you were going to miss your little sister’s wedding.

You had moved away too shortly after college. You were a writer by trade and passion and let’s be honest, trying to get your foot in the writing career in a small town just wasn’t very likely and you refused to use your parents’ business connections to give you a head start. So you had moved closer to the Big Apple to help you with that. Luckily it paid off too. You started off in a small editing position for an up and coming blog that later blossomed into a social media conglomerate.

You had moved up in position over the few years you had been there and so you had more liberties to your projects. You had managed to get ahead in a lot of your work and with your boss’s blessing, you’ve been taking your free time to try and write the romance novel that you had dreamed about since you were a young girl. The only problem was that you had no clue where to begin. The want to write was there, but you had no inspiration. Your dating life was massively lacking since you left college which left you with little to work with. You had secretly hoped that coming to your sister’s wedding and witnessing their ceremony would help give you that little spark of romance that you needed to get your writing started.  

You saw your bag coming around the conveyer belt and quickly went over to retrieve it. You huffed as you lifted the bag off the belt and onto the floor with a thud. You weren’t one to bring more than one bag, but that also meant that the bag that you did bring weighed twice as much as it should. You pulled out the handle and started to wheel it over to the exit.

You were expecting your parents to come and pick you up near the exit. But as you reached closer, you didn’t see them anywhere. You reached into your jacket to grab your phone but groaned when the screen didn’t light up. Great, you thought. As you looked around for an outlet you noticed a tall man with blonde hair holding a sign that had your name on it. You eyed him cautiously wondering who he could be. The man didn’t look familiar at all.

You tried to wiggle back towards a crowd of people but it was too late. He had spotted you and gave you a giant grin. He waved his hand and jogged over to you. You took a step back when he had moved a little too close into your space for your liking. He bowed at you before meeting your gaze and smiling again.

“Hi Y/N. You probably don’t know me, but I’m Jin. I’m a friend of Shane’s. I came to give you a ride back to your parent’s house.”

You eyed him over again before crossing your arms against your chest. “And I’m supposed to believe a stranger holding a sign with my name on it, that I should go with him?”

He ran a hand through his blonde locks before giving you a sheepish grin. “I suppose it does sound kind of creepy. But I promise that I’m only here as a favor to your family. Your parents had an issue with catering and had to go take care of it and your sister had another fitting for her dress. So Shane asked me if I’d mind giving you a ride since I was already here to pick up his best man. I’m here to pick up the second most important people at the wedding, so that makes me the third most important otherwise the maid of honor and the best man wouldn’t even show up.” he chuckled, trying to make a joke.

You gave him a soft, uneasy smile before looking around. You didn’t see another person with him. “Okay then, Jin, where’s the so called best man then? If I could meet him, I might be more inclined to believe your story.” It all reality, you did believe him, but you thought there wasn’t any harm in giving him a hard time.

His face fell slightly and you saw the worry in his eyes. “Oh, he’s actually in the car already, I’m sorry. I know this sounds sketchy but I can’ go get h-”

You raised your hand to cut him off and giggled. “It’s okay Jin. I’m just kidding. We can go.” He nodded and ushered you to go first, trying to hide the blush from his face, no doubt.

Once outside, he lead you over to the parking garage. “Yeah, this isn’t sketchy,” you say as you roll your eyes. You saw Jin tense up again and you chuckled. “I’m still just kidding Jinnie, no reason to get your panties in a bunch.”

He winced and rubbed the back of his neck. “I know I’m sorry. I just know this looks shady. But my car is just over there, you can even see Namjoon already.” He started waving towards the car, but the man inside had his nose buried in a notebook, frantically making notes from the look of it.

When you got to the car, Jin used his key fob to pop the trunk and reached over to grab your suitcase from you. You let him take it without another fuss and he motioned for you to get in. You nodded and opened the rear passenger door directly behind the driver’s seat. The man he referred to as Namjoon, jumped at your sudden intrusion but when he saw Jin, he relaxed a bit. The man before you was just as gorgeous as Jin had been. Geez, models. Doesn’t Shane have any normal looking friends? you thought, bitterly.  He was wearing a bandana to keep his purple hair out of his eyes.

“Oh, you must be the maid of honor. I’m Namjoon, best man.” He gave you a soft wink and you smirked. “Best man, huh? Never seen a best man with purple hair,” you teased. “ I’m Y/N, Kat’s older sister.” He raised an eyebrow. “Quick to quib, I love it.” He gave you a big dimpled smile that honestly made your heart melt a little. He was already gorgeous but those dimples almost did you in.

You shrugged slightly before turning to put your seatbelt on. “Well, in my line of business, it’s better to be quick witted. If you aren’t funny, no one cares anymore.”

When you turned to face him again, you noticed he had shifted a little more to face you. “And what line of business would that be?” he asked as Jin finally shut the trunk of his car. You followed him with your eyes as he got into the car.

“Oh, I’m a writer of sorts. I’m the lead editor at Wave,” you said as Jin settled into the driver’s seat.

“Wave? Isn’t that one of those funny vlog sites? That’s all over social media? I think I just watched one of their videos about cooking while at your desk.” Jin stated as he looked at you from the rearview mirror.

You shrugged. “That’s what we’ve been reduced to, but yeah. That’d be the one. Unfortunately we have to cater to the public or we would be out of business. It’s not all bad though. I did learn how to cook a full chicken without having to leave my office.”

You heard Jin chuckle before he started the car. “Fair enough. So then, shall we get going? You parents were nice enough to let all of us stay at your house.”

That didn’t surprise you. With hopes of you staying in town, your parents had renovated the old pool house and turned it into every teenager’s dream house. All of the excitement of living on your own without the responsibility. They had finished it your senior year but your heart was set on New York. Your sister did stay there though and commuted to school every day from there, so it didn’t completely go to waste. Now it would be the party house before the wedding.

“Yeah, that was really nice of them too. Especially considering there were so many groomsmen. Why aren’t there any more bridesmaids?” Namjoon asked, turning from his notebook to look towards you again.

“What do you mean? There should have been seven including myself.” You said as you grabbed your charger out of your purse and plugged it into one of the USB ports in the back of Jin’s car.

Namjoon shook his head before turning back towards the front. “Not according to Shane. Apparently it’s just you and two of your cousins.”

Your jaw dropped. Your sister hadn’t mentioned her friends dropping out of the wedding at all. What had happened? You thumbed over your now charging phone before turning to look out of the window. “I honestly don’t know. My sister hasn’t really talked to me much about the wedding. She wanted to wait until I got back home.”

Jin cleared his throat before giving a sheepish grin. “I can probably explain that one.” You and Namjoon both turned your attention to him. “Well, since we were in between gigs, your parents had let most of the groomsmen stay here the past two weeks with them. I think things got a little out of control after a party we had. Feelings got hurt and I think the girls just didn’t want to stick around so they dropped out of the wedding.”

Namjoon groaned and gave Jin a punch on his arm. “What the hell, man? Can’t you guys keep it in your pants? How is that supposed to make the agency look? Did none of you think of that?”

Jin’s face was slowly turning red as he looked back towards you through the rearview mirror. Your eyes met for a fraction of a second before he looked back towards the road. “It’s not our fault. You know what alcohol does to all of them. The girls were the ones who started it anyway. Who am I to deny them love from Mr. Worldwide Handsome?”

You couldn’t hold back the snicker from his comment. He looked back to you again with an eyebrow raised. “What? You don’t agree with me?”

You blushed instantly before clearing your throat. “Uh, I mean. You’re all models or something right? You’ve gotta be attractive to someone.”

Namjoon let out a snort before shaking his head. “Yeah, way to hurt his ego. He’ll be sulking about that all day.”

He was right. Jin immediately got a pout on his face and you had to bite your lip to keep from grinning. Namjoon patted his arm. “It’ll be okay. You’ll always be sexy to me,” the man teased. Jin rolled his eyes but stayed silent, instead deciding to turn the radio on, ending the conversations for the rest of the trip.

Within forty minutes, you had arrived to your parent’s home. Namjoon was the first to exit the car, heading straight back to the trunk that he had popped in the glove box before exiting. Jin got out as you collected your phone and charger and went over to your door. He opened it for you and you gave him a soft smile. You couldn't remember the last time someone had opened your door for you like this, because, let's be honest, New York City isn't known for its manners.

You walked back to the trunk to retrieve your bag. Namjoon had already gotten it out for you and moved it towards you. “Oh, thanks.”

“No problem. I just thought it would make this. Little quicker. I'm exhausted and wanted Jin to show me where I'm staying. I was going to ask you, but obviously you're just getting here too.” Namjoon looked to Jin and motioned for him to take the lead, and he did.

Jin lead you both around to the side of the house where a little dirt path lead you to the back yard. You grew up in this house, yet your mother's garden down this path always took your breath away. Despite everything your mother did, she always made time to garden. She had roses, tulips, daisies, hibiscus, lilacs and lilies too on top of dozens of others you couldn’t even name.

The path takes everyone to a large wooden fence. Jin opens the gate before holding it open for the both of you. As soon as you're through the gate, the smell of chlorine and a campfire fill your nose and the fragrant flowers disappear. You used to hate smelling that every day but now, it just brings back a flood of memories of your childhood with your sister.

You're brought out of your reminiscing by the shouts of whom you assumed to be the other groomsmen. They had all been messing around the pool when you guys had entered. Once they saw their friends, they all started chaotically exiting the pool. It honestly surprised you that none of them got hurt in the process.

You stood behind Namjoon and Jin as they were greeted by their friends. You pushed down the handle of your suitcase before pulling out the strap to make your way to your room. You were stopped by a hand to your shoulder. You turned and Jin gave you a soft smile before ushering you towards the group of young men.

You sighed as you set your bag down and turned to face them all. You quickly looked over them. You had to fight the urge to drop your jaw as you took them in. You had to hand it to Shane. He picked a beautiful career to get into.

[loudsuitlover]

College Harry

“Hey, Fair Lady.” Styles smiled smugly as he walked inside the Starbucks where you worked to get his every day order. 

You had grown used to his frat boy’s self-centered flirty behaviour by then and it didn’t really bother you anymore. As a matter of fact, you would be lying if you said you didn’t wait for him when you were on your morning shift. He had started calling you Fair Lady ever since you sat next to him on the only class you had together because he remembered that you had played Eliza Doolitle in the annual play of your Uni the year prior, when you were a fresman. You wondered if he treated Maggie- the girl who worked on the bar when you weren’t working- the same way he treated you. He probably did, you decided, for you knew he did flirt with any female on his way. He had quite the reputation. 

You didn’t come back with a witty reply as you usually did that day though. No, because you were stressed to death. You did not know what you were going to do for the life of you and the thing was your so very competitive cousin Kylie was coming to campus to visit you for the weekend.  

“Y/N?” Harry asked with a teasing smile widening his lips. “Where did you go?” 

He was chuckling at you. You sighed frowning, thoughts about Kylie still running through your mind as you had a look at him. He was wearing a white cotton shirt with short black sleeves and his signature black tight jeans. He looked good. You on the other hand, had your hair worn up in a messy ponytail and looked stressed under the green Starbucks apron. Only he thought you looked cute. 

“Sorry, I was out of it.” You told him. “Do you need anything else, Harry?” You smiled, handing him his coffee and a free biscuit that you only gave to special clients- those being the ones you liked. 

He shook his head. 

“No, thank you. I was just asking if you were coming to our party on thursday night.” He smiled, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“No.” You said. 

“Hey! And why not? You can’t have anything better to do! It’s on a thrusday.” 

“Your assumption that I wouldn’t have plans is nearly offensive but I’ll just say that anything- even Netflix and chill- is better than going to some lame frat house party.” You smiled and he laughed at your backlash. He loved it. 

“You know when people say netflix and chill they don’t actually mean watching movies right?” He teased, getting closer to you so he could whisper that. 

You shook your head and bit back a smile as he walked away, leaving a generous tip for you. 

Jess had taken over your dorm to be able to do her makeup without having to deal with Annoying Alice, her roommate whom she hated. You were lying on your bed looking at her as you tried to decide on a movie. Thrusday night had arrived sooner than you expected and Kylie was to come the next day. By then you had decided on telling her that your boyfriend, the one that you had told her about when she was making you sick at Christmas bragging about her gorgeous man, had gone to visit his family in Nevada. There were many things that could describe that boyfriend of yours, such us fictitious, but hey sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do. 

“Are you seriously not coming?” Jess asked as you laid back on your mattress.

“Do I look like I’m joking?” You chuckled.

“Come on, Y/N! I mean hello? Harry Styles is flirting with you, girl! Get your lazy ass out of the bed and go to this fucking party.”

“Because my life revolves around Harry Styles.” You said sarcastically. 

He had sent you a snapchat then, a selfie with the caption you better come that made you laugh. You sent him a picture of your laptop with netflix opened. He sent you a selfie very funny. 

“I am just saying” She shrugs “You are smiling like it actually excites you.” 

“He’s just playing.” You rolled your eyes. “And so am I.” 

“I can’t believe you’re going to let me go alone to this party.” She dramatically complained as you pushed her out of your room. “You know what going alone means? It’s like a direct social suicide, don’t you mind?” 

“Have fun.” With that you closed the door on her face bitting down a smile. 

Harry was resting the lower part of his back against the counter and having a beer as people kept arriving. He couldn’t stop glancing at the door, hoping you were just teasing him and would actually appear. He would never admit it- and in fact he hated even thinking about it- but you had something on him. 

He had met you last semester in a class you both passed so now you didn’t share any more lectures so that’s why he started going to Starbucks every monday, tuesday and wednesday morning so he could hang out for you if it were only for those fifteen minutes. He liked that you flirted back to him but had him on his toes, never quite giving him all the attention he wanted. It was as if you didn’t care and you might as well not care for all he knew but despite that- no matter how much he was thinking about you lately- you were friends. You were probably the first girl he’s had a friendship despite the physical attraction for the thing wasn’t that he didn’t have girl friends. He did, in fact Louise was his best friend, but he felt in no way attracted to her whatsoever despite her being a beautiful girl whereas with you... All he had to do was think of you with your wet hair after a shower to have him going. 

He started looking for you the moment your friend Jess walked in the house but he frowned when he realized she came there alone. He snatched a quick picture of her looking for someone and snapchatted you what sort of friend leaves their friend alone? he wrote. Go talk to her you texted back over a pic of your popcorn. That looks cosy he sent you a picture of his kitchen. Jess is pretty anyway, a selfie of you crossing your eyes. Mmm Irresisitble. 

He wouldn’t admit it but he was disappointed. For some reason, the idea of seeing you outside of Uni, wearing something other than the green Starbucks apron had him excited. He imagined you would wear your hair down, maybe some makeup, a dress; but he would also liked you if you were wearing jeans and a sweater as you usually went to your lectures. He just wanted you there really. 

You were halfway through The Perks of Being a Wallflower when Harry dared to do it. He had been thinking about texting you with no jokes involved for a while now. He could blame the alcohol then he thought for if he texted you something out of line and he wasn’t clearly teasing, you could take it the wrong way and he could ruin whatever it was that you two had but he could blame the alcohol then. 

Miss you x 

Your mouth was stuffed with popcorn as you read his Snap. It was a picture of his thigh and surprisingly enough there was no girl sitting on it. You had seen it a lot, when you were a freshman and he had a different girl on his leg at every party you attended to. Of course he hadn’t even noticed you back then- why would he? But everyone knew who Harry Styles was so so did you. 

You swallowed. What did you answer to that? Was he just messing around? He was probably just joking. He was Harry Styles for crying out loud. You received a call from Jess as you held the phone in your hands still thinking what to say back to him. 

“Hello, Y/N?” Some guy you didn’t recognize asked.

“Yeah? Who’s this? Where’s Jess? Is she okay?” 

“Hi, my name is Niall.” He said. “Jess is okay, don’t worry, she’s just had too much to drink and I thought it would be best if I called a friend of hers? I really think she should go home.” He said. 

“Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, I’ll go pick her up.” You stood up from your bed, putting on your jeans as you held the phone with your shoulder. “Where are you?” 

“We’re at the frat house.” She said. “I saw some guy took her into a room but she wasn’t even walking straight so... I just got her out of there.” 

“Fuck.” You cursed as you put on your vans. “Thank you, mate.” You told him. “She’ll appreciate that. So where is she now? Can I talk to her?” 

“Yeah, sure.” The guy had a thick Irish accent what made you think you had never talked to him before, you’d remember. “Jess, this is your friend Y/N. She wants to talk to you, okay? I’ll hold your hair.” 

Fuck it Jess must be really pissed. You heard as she puked, then the sound of her legs against the floor and then she sighed on the phone. 

“Thank you.” She whispered, surely to Niall and not to you. 

“Are you okay?” You asked as you left the room, your key and wallet in your hand. “Jess, are you safe? Do you know this guy?” 

You can never be too careful. 

“Hi, Y/N.” She blurred. “Don’t worry. Niall is gooooooood.” Hiccup. “He saved me which makes him a hero.” She said. Fuck she was hammered.

“Okay, listen to me, Jess.” You said sternly. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. In the mean time, you go to the living room or the kitchen or any place with lots of people around, yeah?” 

“But I’m throwing up.” 

“That’s okay.”  You reassured her. “But I don’t want you to be alone with a guy you don’t know in this state okay? No matter how nice he seems.” 

“Oh, that’s fine.” She reassured you. “Harry missed you by the way.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Can I talk to Niall now sweetie?” 

“Sure.” She said. 

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” You lied, just in case. “Thanks for calling. We owe you big time.”

“No problem.” He said. “I’ll stay with her.” 

“Thank you.” 

The minute you hang up- and while you ran as fast as you could towards the frat house because of course your car wasn’t working at the moment- you called Harry for the first time in all the time you had known him. 

“Hey.” If you hadn’t been so nervous you would have heard the smirk on his voice. 

“Hey Harry.” You breathed. “I need you to do me a favour, please.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Calm down, Y/N. What’s wrong? Were are you? Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes. It’s not about me.” You told him. “It’s about Jess. Somebody called saying she’s had too much to drink but Jess doesn’t drink, Harry. She has diabetes.” You cried. “So I think someone must have drugged her and-”

“Where is she? Do you know where she is? Who called you?”

“A guy.” You said. “His name was Niall.” 

“Thank God.” He sighed. “She’s okay, Y/N. I know him. He’s a friend.” 

“Really?” You stopped your running for you felt your lung was going to jump out of your throat. “He won’t hurt her?” 

“No, no, I’m a hundred percent sure. Don’t worry, okay?” He soothed you and you nodded even if he couldn’t see you. “Now where are you?” 

“I’m on my way to the house. I’m picking her up.” 

“You’re running to the house?” He asked. “You live like 25 minutes away.” 

“I know.” You breathed. “But my car is broken and I didn’t have time to get an Uber or anything.” 

“How far are you? Do you want me to pick you up?” 

“You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

“Shit.” He cursed. “I can ask Louise. She doesn’t drink.” 

“No.” You told him. “That’s fine, I’m 10 minutes away anyway. Can you please find Jess and stay with her until I arrive? I know Niall is a friend but... I would feel better if I know she’s with you.” 

“Sure. I’ll go find her and call you when I do, yeah? Call me if there’s anything you need though.” 

“Thank you, Harry.” 

“No problem.” 

He called Niall the second you hang up and he told him they were still in the bathroom upstairs. He ran up the stairs and almost flinched when she saw the state Jess was in. She was sitting down on the floor, her skin was pale and covered in sweat and she was trembling. Niall was standing next to her, keeping a close eye on her. 

“Shit, mate.” Niall said. “As soon as her friend comes pick her up I’m going to beat the shit out of whoever did this to her.” 

“Did you see him?” Harry asked. 

“Yeah. I basically pulled her away from the prick.”

Jess threw up again and Harry creased his nose, the stink of alcohol was disgusting. You had said Jess didn’t drink because she has diabetes but her puking over the toilet said otherwise. 

“Fucking hell, Jess.” Harry kneeled down next to her and held her hair away from her sweaty forehead. “Did you have anything to drink, sweetheart?” 

“Hell yeah, Haz! What sort of question is that? Can’t you fucking see her?” 

“She doesn’t normally drink, Niall.” Harry explain patiently. “She has diabetes.” 

“I don’t know.” Jess cried. “I never drink, I swear but I don’t know what happened. I was feeling okay and then... I don’t know.” She cried. 

“Okay.” Harry rubbed her back. “Let’s say you have drunk. What do you need to do when that happens?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve never done it so I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know why you’re not supposed to drink, love?” 

She turned her head towards the toilet and puked again. Harry should probably call you and ask you what to do but he didn’t want to worry you anymore than you already were. He knew you had been worried for a few days, he had told, so he didn’t know if you would just full on cry on his phone if he were to tell you. 

“Find Louise.” He told Niall. 

You were now walking faster but you couldn’t run anymore. You were barely four minutes away and Harry wasn’t answering your texts. You felt awful and now Harry’s teasing text from before seemed to haunt you what sort of friend leaves their friend alone? And he was right,  what sort of person does that? You had betrayed it- that secret silent agreed code between girls- of never leaving one of us alone, always going together to the bathroom. There was a reason for that and it was this and it had hit you in the face and now Jess was suffering having the worst best friend in the world. 

Louise made it to the bathroom with a worried expression on her face. She was on her last year of nursing school so she managed to bring some calm to that bathroom once she collected her thoughts. 

“What happened?” She asked Harry as she took Jess’ temperature and pulse. 

“She has diabetes and she probably got drugged and then drank or different order. She doesn’t remember but I mean smell this- she drank.” He nodded. 

“Okay. We need food.” She told Niall. “And water. The food, the more sugar the better, so chocolate or sweets, even candy. If there’s none, fruits or bread.” She said to Niall and he nodded making his way to the kitchen and asking people for help. “Hello, sweetie.” Louise rubbed her back. “Do you have anything to measure your blood glucose with you?” She smiled at her and she nodded, reaching for her bag. 

Louise took the monitor and pricked her finger while Harry just sat there dumbfounded. She sighed after a few seconds. 

“Thank God.” She breathed out. “She can eat and she’ll be fine.” 

“I got Coke, chocolate and Y/N.” Niall said as he opened the door. 

You started crying again the moment you saw her sitting on the ground, the stink of alcohol didn’t even bother you as you sat on your knees next to her, you didn’t even look at Harry not because you weren’t grateful but because you were too worried about Jess and because you were terribly embarrassed. He was right. 

“She’ll be okay.” Louise smiled at you. “She just had hypoglycemia because of the alcohol but it was nothing too crazy so she shall eat and she’ll be fine, just like any of us really.” 

“Thank you.” Tears fell down your cheeks. “Thank you all, really.” You looked around you and Harry smiled dismissing your gratitude. 

“I think you should take her to the hospital though.” Louise said. “So they can have blood samples and find out which drug they used on her in case she wants to sue the asshole who did this. Usually this kind of drugs disappear very fast from the blood so I’d take as soon as she’s feeling better.” 

“Sure.” You said. “Thank you again really.” 

“No worries.” She smiled, placing her hand on your arm. “And Harry can give you my number in case she does decide to sue him and needs a witness. I’ll be there.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me.” She shook her head. “It could have been me or... Anyone.” 

Four hours later Jess was sitting on the litter pressing a piece of cotton to her arm where the doctor had pricked her. She had filled the report and you were currently waiting for the police to arrive so you could make it official. Jess was so much better and you had noticed Niall had had a lot to do with that. 

You were sitting on one the chairs on the waiting area on your own for Harry had gone to get you both a good cup of coffee. He had driven you to the hospital for by the time you had left he was sober enough but you hadn’t exchanged much words. You were still feeling awful and you didn’t want him to see you. Somehow you blamed yourself a little for what had happened, after all Jess had insisted a lot about you going to the party and sure she was an adult and blablabla but she was also your best friend and you were supposed to take care of her. 

Harry walked to the waiting room with two plastic cups of coffee on his hands. He didn’t know how to approach you or how to talk to you because now that he came to think about it, he was always teasing you and you would always reply with a witty comeback, it was always a laidback enviroment and he didn’t know how to act when it was actually serious but he knew he wanted to be there and the thought of not being him the one silently sitting next to you or bringing you a cup of coffee, the jealousy that came with thought of it being someone else gave him the reassurance he needed to stay. 

“Thanks.” You said, holding the cup between your hands. 

Kylie had just sent you a text, that she wouldn’t make it on friday, that she would probably arrive Saturday for brunch. Nice. Kylie was the last of your worries then anyway. 

“You’re very quiet.” You mentioned and Harry raised his eyebrows surprised that you’d talk to him. 

“Frankly I just don’t know what to say.” He shrugged and you chuckled making him smile because he had made you smile if unintentionally.

“Who would have thought huh? Harry Styles having nothing to say.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” He hit your arm playfully. “You’re also very quiet Miss I-became-a-barista-because-I-wouldn’t-shut-up.” 

“That’s a long name for a miss.” You smiled and he chuckled. 

“Yeah, I should have just probably said Miss Chatty.” 

You smiled and snorted through your nose having a sip of your coffee and he nudged your knee with his gently when he sensed you were about to submit again in your penitential silence. He had known something was troubling you since monday morning when he had visited you on the coffee shop. 

“What’s up?” He asked gently. 

His green eyes stared into yours, gentle, trustworthy. You had never talked to him about real things and when you came to think about it, you didn’t really have many people to talk to about real things other than Jess in Uni. For some reason, even though your conversations had always been on a joking note, you felt like you could trust him.

“I’m just embarrassed.” You recognized. 

“What for?” He frowned. 

“I feel like I’m a terrible friend, like I just failed Jess and... I just don’t want you to see that.” 

“What?” He turned his body so he was facing you inasmuch as the chairs allowed. “That is not true.” He placed his hand over your arm. “You’re a good friend. She kept saying that. Over and over again and I believe her, yeah?” 

“What sort of friend leaves their friend alone?” You reminded him before looking ahead. 

He sighed and placed two fingers on your chin, pulling your head so you were looking into his eyes. 

“That was a joke.” He said. “This was not your fault. In any way.” 

You nodded your head and readjusted your position on the chair so you could rest your head on his shoulder. Again, you had never done such a thing. The physical contact between the two of you was reduced to playful swatting, nudging or legs touching as you sat in class but that was all yet for some reason, it didn’t feel wrong to rest your head on his shoulder then and it didn’t feel wrong either when he turned his head and left a kiss on the top of yours. 

“I’m sure you had your reasons for not coming.” He whispered. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, something’s off.” He shrugged, forgetting about your head there so it moved up and down with his shoulder. “I can tell.” 

You sat down straight, looking ahead at the way Jess was smiling to Niall, him being the one pressing the cotton against her arm now. You liked Niall and apparently so did she. 

“It’s nothing.” You told him, because in that moment it really was nothing, compared to everything else. 

“Well, you can talk to me.” He offered. “Even if it is about nothing.” 

You faced him just so you could give him a big smile. You certainly didn’t know this side of Harry and you quite liked it. It seemed like the cocky frat boy had a sweet, caring side as well and the fact that he had such nice friends said a lot about it too. 

“This coffee is terrible.” You shook your head with a laugh. 

“I wouldn’t know.” He shrugged. “I don’t really like coffee.” 

You looked at him with a confused scowl and he smiled. He ordered a capuccino every morning before going to class. 

“I didn’t use to go to Starbucks until you started working there anyway.” He shrugged. 

Part 2 <3 

[briangroth27]

Incredibles 2 Review

I absolutely loved Incredibles 2! It's a great time at the movies and definitely worth the 14-year wait. I was initially skeptical of it picking up seconds after the original, but I think the story threads here—particularly Jack-Jack's (Eli Fucile, Nick Bird) development and the Anti-Super laws—needed to be dealt with onscreen rather than off.  I liked that they reversed the structure of the first movie and had Helen (Holly Hunter) go off on the adventures while Bob (Craig T. Nelson) stayed at home to watch the kids. Even better, this switch was rooted in statistical facts that Elastigirl was the most effective and efficient hero between herself, Bob, and Frozone (Samuel L. Jackson). Since so much of her Elastigirl persona was left in the past in the original movie because she’d moved on in life while Bob hadn’t really, showing Helen truly loving her work and being great at it was a perfect moment that let us see a whole new side to her. Seeing Helen so overjoyed at getting to be a hero again—and being great at it, with no collateral casualties—was excellent! It was also nice to see that she had detective skills; a good contrast to Bob smashing his way through problems (and which have probably have helped her deduce what her kids are up to over the years!). That her heroic competence was truly valued outside her family circle and by the people who wanted to use her to push their politics Bob Odenkirk, Catherine Keener) was a genuine and welcome surprise; I'd love to see more female heroes respected and revered the way Elastigirl is here. Bob playing Mr. Mom was a lot of fun, even if I’m more than ready for a competent parenting duo instead of the always-effective mom and the cliché overwhelmed dad. That said, Bob’s battle with Dash's (Huck Milner) new math, Violet's (Sarah Vowell) teenage angst, and Jack-Jack's terrible toddling was extremely relatable and a great change from the superhero midlife crisis we saw in the original. I enjoyed Bob’s playful ego about being the better hero in his marriage and loved that it was balanced by genuinely caring that Helen had the space to do what she needed to do. That sort of loving/selfish balance is an extremely difficult line to walk but the writing and acting totally pull it off without making him unlikable (and it's not even hinted or implied that Helen is in any way selfish either). It was especially sweet of Bob not to tell Helen what was going on with the family not because he didn't want to come off as incompetent, but because he knew she'd stop her mission. Yes, he benefits from her completing it, but I fully believe that he also wants the better future for his kids that Helen can secure. I would've liked to see more of Dash and Violet in general, and particularly their school lives. Dash has homework trouble and Tony (Michael Bird), the boy Violet made a date with, forgets her (a cool example of superhero lives wreaking havoc on civilian ones as well as the law affecting the Parrs in an unexpected way), but the Anti-Super laws would've been stronger if we'd seen the kids’ lack of choice Bob talks about. Violet wanting to be normal and Dash being "defined as a person" by heroism does play out that choice, but we don't really get to see consequences of the laws in terms of impacts on the kids. Does having to come in second place in track rankle Dash? And if he's defined by being a hero, how does he feel about having to hide at school?  Is anyone suspicious of his speed? Does Dash have to fight to control himself when confronted by bullies that openly hate Supers? By teachers who preach that Supers are bad and should be illegal? Playing up the questionable aspects of the first movie's ending—is he cheating by using his speed, even for second place? How is not living up to his potential affecting his development?—would've built up a lot more pressure on the need to make Supers legal again. Violet hating being a Super made her a good proponent for not being legalized, though I would’ve liked more of that as well. How much of her tragic love life is really angst about not being able to be herself? Maybe she could’ve gotten involved with a student organization to keep Supers illegal, pitting her against her mom’s efforts. What if she discovered another Super kid at school and was forced to choose between outing them or letting them stay hidden? Might she find that pretending to be normal at school is simply boring or stifling her in ways she doesn’t want to admit? That said, I loved what we did get from Dash and Violet and absolutely dug Jack-Jack's awakening powers! The idea that Super babies often have multiple abilities is a very cool metaphor for kids having unlimited potential and it also made for a lot of fun, varied action scenes. His battle with a raccoon was highly entertaining and his unexpected bond with Edna Mode (Brad Bird) was a brilliant twist! Edna discovering a role as a loving aunt was as hilarious as it was heartwarming and a great way to reveal a new dimension of her character. Frozone is always a welcome addition and it was great to see more of him here, both as a "rebel" with Bob and Helen trying to get the Anti-Super law reversed, as a protective uncle to the Parr kids, and finally a hypnotized enemy. I’d like to finally meet his wife Honey (Kimberly Adair Clark) though. It's beyond time she was more than just a nagging influence taking the joy out of his superheroics (though I like that she knows her worth!). I really hope she’s also a retired Super so we can see what the two of them are like outside of their home. Or, it would’ve been easy to make her a Lois Lane-type figure, so she could cover Helen’s return to prominence and at least get a moment of bonding with her. Either of those options would be great and I’d like to see their relationship explored somewhere. I knew who Screenslaver (Bill Wise) was almost immediately, but that didn’t lessen my love for this character at all. The hypnotism was a spooky and old-fashioned angle that felt totally fresh and fit the retro-futurist world of The Incredibles perfectly! Screenslaver also managed to comment on modern concerns about social media obsession, which was a nice bit of relatability (just like Bob and Dash's struggle with new math) while remaining rooted in the films’ era, when TVs were the hip new thing everyone was obsessed with. Screenslaver was a creepy, cool villain who topped Syndrome for me. I just wish his argument—that people were getting lazy and becoming too dependent on Supers—was more explored with examples of people being "less" because of superheroes (beyond hearing about a death caused by waiting on one). Maybe Screenslaver should’ve been saved for a movie set after the law against Supers was lifted, but slightly clearer examples of his point here would’ve worked just as well. I feel like his argument would be stronger if we got to see Supers making things too easy or if more people were put in peril because they waited for Supers to fix their problems instead of the big argument against heroes being the collateral damage their fights cause. That said, I absolutely loved this villain and would definitely be down for a Screenslaver return! Underminer (John Ratzenberger) was also a cool, second-tier villain that felt like a classic comic book bad guy. He's clearly patterned off of Mole Man, but that didn't matter to me; it was kinda refreshing (and appropriately old-school, given these movies’ time period) to see a villain who just wanted to rob banks. He also provided a good way to reintroduce the family's heroic dynamic and to showcase Bob and Helen's different fighting styles while complicating their lives further, building off the end of the first movie brilliantly. I liked that it became a strike against the heroes that he was forgotten in the scramble to stop his drills and that he actually got away. The new Supers that were introduced didn't make the biggest impression, but I preferred this to more focus on a bunch of random new people who would take screentime from the Parrs. I did like Voyd (Sophia Bush) a lot; her fangirl attitude toward Elastigirl was fun and she was a nice answer to Syndrome's toxic fandom. I hope she returns in a sequel! Krushauer (Phil LaMarr) was a solid threat and got some good and funny lines in, while Screech playing up his full animalistic nature was creepy and something I hope Daredevil does with Owl Jr. These wannabe Supers did bring a variety of challenges to the final battle, so as secondary adversaries go, they worked perfectly. All the fight scenes contained very clever uses of everyone’s powers and were choreographed with an insane amount of fun and imagination! The numerous powers on display also made for battles that were never uninteresting. Even Bob's Incredibile got a nice showcase here as a display of the retro tech in this universe. I love the design of this world in general, but classic spy and superhero aesthetics like that are my favorite parts; I wish more superhero franchises would embrace stylized elements like this to carve out their own identities. Speaking of classic aesthetics, I loved that Bob, Helen, and Lucius had their own old-timey superhero theme songs! Michael Giacchino’s music was great as always, but those themes were great surprises! Brad Bird's direction was crisp and the writing emotionally resonate, bringing the heart of the first movie back at full force.  I can't wait to see what comes next from this world! I hope we don't have to wait another 14 years for Incredibles 3 (and I didn't need the apology/”trust us the wait was worth it” video that played at the beginning of this one; it only made us wait longer!), but I definitely want to see more adventures in this universe. Now that Supers are allowed again, I’d love for the next movie to introduce Dash and Violet's trouble-making cousins as wannabe supervillain bad influences. Cousins would bring aunts and uncles who have differing parenting styles from Bob and Helen, as well as Bob and Helen’s in-laws, who have their own opinions on how to “correctly” be heroes as well as parents. I'm thinking Christmas Vacation with superheroes, but whatever the next film is, I'll be in line to see it! While we wait, you should see Incredibles 2! It's among Pixar's best and definitely worth seeing on the big screen!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

[cracktheglasses]

Would you mind telling us more about your Tolstoy hate?

Sure, nonnie! 

FYI, I’m not even remotely an academic, so this isn’t going to be a well-crafted analysis, but I’ve read a lot of Tolstoy in my life. He’s arguably the Russian literary maître, or at least, up at the top with a select few, and his works are widely read in schools, beginning with his children’s books and ending with the big ones, usually The Kreutzer Sonata, Anna Karenina, and War and Peace. 

Basically, I want to talk about three things, but I suspect it’ll be WAY too much and I’ll probably need to stop: 

the characters of Natasha Rostova (from War and Peace)  and Kitty (from Anna Karenina) and my belief that Tolstoy was not capable of writing women as people. I’d talk about Anna, too, but it’s gonna be a lot

his appalling treatment of his wife, Sophia (it’s very easy to be a faux ascetic back-to-the-earth, living the simple life, sex-is-bad recluse telling others how to live properly, when your wife hand-copies and edits your manuscripts, feeds you, clothes you, and takes care of your thirteen children, wrangles publishers for you, puts up with your sex-is-bad-but-i-still-need-it-so-be-a-good-wife ways, and really, I can probably stop there, but I’ll add some more below)

and, finally, the character of Levin, the “nice guy” fuckboy self-insert Gary Stu (see “back-to-the-earth” “living the simple life with the peasants” and writing treatises on philosophy while wife deals with actual mundane problems)

Note: I haven’t read much Tolstoy in English translation, only in Russian (I don’t usually like Russian classics in translation, with few exceptions), so anything I’m quoting or paraphrasing below is going to be my own translation/memory (easily verifiable with an English edition I’m sure; I can provide links to the Russian text online). I’m not a professional literary translator, so the translations will be accurate, but they’ll also be shitty writing. 

When I first read Tolstoy, I was a bookish, confused, angry kid, reconciling myself to a frustrating, ill-fitting girlhood. I read a lot, I read all the time, and I was usually drawn to the male characters, I identified much more with them, I wanted their realities – but I knew/was told that I should model myself more after Natasha Rostova or Wendy Darling than D’Artagnan. That my reality, and eventual choices, would have to be about growing up female, whatever that meant, aside from eventually stopping running around in the woods with my bow and arrows, and embracing princess gowns. I remember wanting to dress up as Cardinal Richelieu for a costume-guessing game at a fifth grade recital, but was kindly, yet firmly steered to Anne of Austria, instead. My grandparents wanted me to be a better girl, not an irresponsible delinquent like my cousin, but the eventual valedictorian cum successful mother and wife with a respectable career (funny how that goes: my juvenile delinquent cousin ended up all of the above, but I digress). My grandfather, who had made the bow and arrows for me, didn’t actually discourage me running around in the woods, but he did hope I’d grow out of it, and held up Natasha Rostova as the graceful ideal, the girl to emulate, and I’m sure he wasn’t the only one. 

Natasha is Tolstoy’s ideal woman; at the start of the novel, a 13-year-old girl, smiling, pink-cheeked, “that delightful age where a girl is no longer a child but not yet a young woman”, thin, fresh-faced and curious. We see her next at her first ball, at 16, charming, waifish, well-behaved, a graceful dancer. She is already named a woman here, at 16, a “proper countess”. She is beautiful but doesn’t know it (oh, that trope, when will it end), and described largely via the opinions of other men at the ball, which continues as she ages. She’s 20 and Pierre Bezukhov talks her physical qualities up to Andrei Bolkonski, they discuss her: “she’s a lovely treasure, don’t overthink it, what is there to think about, marry her, my friend, marry her” – “she’s a special sort of girl, a rarity here, she’ll dance here for less than a month and skip off into a marriage.” 

Natasha is flighty, she’s a bit boy-crazy, which Tolstoy describes in this indulgent manner, you know, that’s how young women are, lovely and a little flighty and obsessed with their young woman obsessions – and this would have bothered me less if Kitty in Anna Karenina wasn’t described much in the same way, this slightly silly delightful creature, happy to be noticed. This, then, was the right way to be a girl – cute and happy and exciting and available – but not too exciting or too available, because, of course, there are too many Bad Boy Vronskys and not enough Nice Guy Levins for all. Natasha sings, she plays guitar, she hunts (several comparisons to Diana the Huntress come up), she is passionate about her interests – but her passion is frequently presented as “in her nature”, she’s got that woman’s passionate nature when she jumps into a new venture, be it dancing or hunting. 

So, we have this idealized lovely girl, much like Kitty; much like Kitty, she makes a mistake, falls for the wrong man, the bad boy: Anatole. Anatole, unlike Karenina’s Vronsky, who is interested in Anna, not Kitty, takes full advantage; he is already married, but Natasha is planning to elope with him, and breaks off her engagement to Bolkonsky. She knows she is doing the wrong thing, but she can’t stop herself, and has to make up for this transgression later in the narrative by nursing the wounded Bolkonsky until his death. This is all before she is 21; she is married at 21, to her childhood friend, Pierre Bezukhov, who has already been married, who forgives her for these transgressions as if it were his place – and then, when she is finally wife, the descriptions change. There is one particular description that struck me and stuck with me, the first time I read it, this “what the fuck”:

“… by 1820, she had three daughters and a desperately (note – Tolstoy uses ‘passionately’ as the verb here, because that is Natasha’s thing) wanted son, whom she was breastfeeding (Tolstoy emphasizes that she’s feeding him herself). She had gotten thicker, wider; it was hard to recognize the former spry, waifish Natasha in this strong mother. Her facial features had settled into a clear calm. There was no longer that fierce, perpetual fire that had been her beauty. Her soul was no longer visible, only her face and her body. Only the strong, beautiful, fertile female animal.”

Specifically, the word “самка“, which Tolstoy uses for Natasha, is sort of like saying “the female of the species”, but not quite. There is a more clinical and less reductive way to say that about a person rather than an actual animal. Specifically, that word emphasizes her fertility, reduces her to reproductive capabilities. I remember reading that and being absolutely crushed – that this already awkwardly idealized girl was suddenly not even worth that original pedestal, however shitty that had been. That her entire purpose was to become a wife and mother – and then be derided and chided for fulfilling it. You see, now married with children, she has no time, she is slovenly, she is no longer attractive: 

“…Natasha had left behind all her charms, the loveliest of which had been her singing…”

“… Natasha stopped taking care with her manners, with speaking properly, with showing herself off to her husband in flattering poses or dresses…”

“…she stopped singing, she didn’t think much before she spoke… it’s as if she had no time to take care of these things…” 

“The only subject that occupied her now was family – her husband, needing to be kept so he would belong to her and the home – and the children, who needed to be birthed, nursed, raised…”

This transformation is much the same in Kitty, when she marries Levin. In juxtaposition to the divorce of Karenin and Anna, and Anna’s involvement with Vronsky, Levin and Kitty marry for love, a pure and profound feeling, devoid of banal passion; an entire chapter describes their awkward, endearing wedding ceremony. Levin, who is not religious, expects the process to be ridiculous, farcical, but instead, both he and Kitty are touched by the words, they mix up the rings, they smile at each other, they feel uplifted, and like they’re meeting each other for the first wonderful time. But it’s telling that the final line of the chapter is the reaction of the casual observers outside of the church and at the ceremony, specifically the townswomen: “What a darling the bride is, like a dressed lamb. And yet, what a pity for our sister.”

Before the wedding, Levin gives Kitty his diaries, where he has detailed his sexual relationships with other women. Kitty is disgusted, appalled -- she doesn’t want to know these things about him, and yet he insists that she needs to forgive and accept him for this, while simultaneously thinking that he doesn’t deserve her forgiveness, that she is too pure. She cries, and says she forgives him, though what she’s read was horrible; this makes Levin even surer that she is too pure, too good, and he doesn’t deserve her. 

This scene is lifted entirely from Tolstoy’s own experience. When Tolstoy and Sophia married, he was in his mid-thirties, worldly, sexually experienced; she was 18, having been brought up the way girls from good families were brought up. After reading his diaries, where he detailed his relationships with sex workers in particular, she was appalled, yet couldn’t do anything about it. Her subsequent sexual relationship with Tolstoy, based on her own diaries, was viewed by her as largely non-consensual. 

A few chapters after Kitty and Levin’s wedding, we see that 

“Levin had been married for three months… he was happy, but not in the way he had expected to be. In every step, he found a new disappointment. He was happy, but family life was not at all what he had imagined…” 

“…he was surprised that the poetic, lovely Kitty was… able to remember and fret about the tablecloths, about furniture, about beds for guests, about serving trays, about dinners…”  

“…homemaking irrevocably pulled her in.”

“During this time, he could feel the straining chain connecting them particularly strongly, the pull of it from side to side. The honeymoon, that first month after the wedding, from which he had expected so much, was not so honeyed as it was the most difficult and humiliating period of their lives. In their subsequent days, they tried to strike from their memories the ugly, shameful events of this unhealthy time, when neither of them were in a normal mood, and rarely felt like themselves at all.”

After three months, Levin is displeased at the idleness of their existence, and blames Kitty: 

“... he knew it was not her fault, but perhaps it was the fault of her shallow, inadequate, too frivolous education...”

“...aside from an interest in homemaking (and that she had in spades), she had no other interests... she does nothing, and is absolutely happy...”

Kitty decides she will go with Levin when he receives news that his brother is dying; Levin interprets this as Kitty being bored and wanting a change of scenery. She cries, trying to convince him that she is going as a show of support for him, and Levin finally agrees to take her along, but is displeased at having given in, and thinks of himself as enslaved to her whims. In addition, he doesn’t want pure, proper Kitty to associate with “his brother’s woman”, mistress rather than wife; “the very idea of his Kitty being in the same room with the woman made him cringe in disgust and terror.”

After Kitty gives birth, Levin feels nothing but revulsion for the baby, and watches Kitty and the baby with distaste. He begins thinking about the meaning of life, about the role of religion, about faith, and every time he thinks of sharing these thoughts with Kitty, he is interrupted by the mundane tasks that Kitty has to perform -- bathing and feeding the baby, arranging for rooms for visiting family, and the like. Kitty makes sure that Tolstoy, I mean, Levin, is able to live his largely unchanged life -- philosophizing, working with his peasants, going to concerts, working on a manuscript -- while she takes care of all the banal, earthly things. Of course, she doesn’t do this by herself, as they are nobility, wealthy landowners, but still, Levin judges her for her work, for her inability to understand him, though he decides that this sort of suffering may very well be part of happiness. 

The novel ends before Kitty and Levin have any more children, however, Tolstoy insisted that he needed to have as many as possible, while Sophia was still able to carry them. He believed that breastfeeding by the mother was the most natural, best option, and so prevented her from hiring wet-nurses for any of the children -- I repeat, 13 in total -- Tolstoy was a wealthy count; they could most certainly afford the assistance. Sophia was his editor, his secretary, she put up with what she viewed as a series of rapes, she spent 13 years of her life nursing, over a decade pregnant. He spent years trying to convince her to get rid of all their possessions, to lead a Walden-esque life on the land with their peasants and his students; when she resisted, he tried to put the plan into place for himself, though, much like Levin, he still had all of the comforts and privileges afforded to him by his station. He chose to leave the rights to his literary works to his students, adherents to his philosophies, “Tolstoyans”, rather than to Sophia; she had to fight for these in court after his death. 

I would really like to talk more about the character of Anna Karenina, because Tolstoy doesn’t even subscribe evenly to the madonna/whore dichotomy there; Anna is sort of both, sort of something else entirely. However, her sister-in-law, Dolly, is described by Levin as an uglier, older, more pathetic version of Kitty. She is interested only in her children, while her husband has affairs and spends all their money. He is disgusted by her, because her quietly putting up with her husband’s ways is clearly repulsive, fake, subservient -- not a sign of true love, as in his own home. 

I haven’t covered everything I wanted to, but I am running out of room and steam here, nonnie, so I’m wrapping this up. Please feel free to ask for my opinions on Jonathan Franzen next week!