#harry styles part 1

[elzdaizy]

Trouble After Paradise (Part 1)

Warnings: lots of angst, conflict, explicit language.

Summary of short story: Reader and Harry have returned from their honeymoon to a harsh reality and their first huge hurdle as a married couple.

A/N: This is 1 of 3 parts. Enjoy! Just a little short story idea i had and wanted to share with you all.

It’s been four weeks since you returned home from your honeymoon in Costa Rica and you’ve found yourself reminiscing constantly on that magical holiday.

To say the least, things have took a turn for the worst since you and Harry got home.

You were bombarded with mountains of piles of work to get through because there was no one to fill your position whilst you’d taken the month off leading up to your wedding, including the honeymoon.

Harry had started filming his next movie, one that was mentally draining due to his character being a very unwell mental patient at a psychiatric hospital.

You worked from seven in the morning until four in the afternoon in the office but always brought home some work to do which kept you busy until about eight at night when you’d get into bed.

Weekends were exhausting as well, you were catching up with friends and family after basically being off the grid throughout the week.

Harry’s shooting location, thankfully, was only a few hours away up north in Manchester so he managed to be home often between breaks but unfortunately meant that he wasn’t home with you for periods of times.

He tries his best to be at home with you on the weekends but his schedule doesn’t work that way all the time. On average you probably see each other a total of two days out of the week and it’s been this way the past four weeks.

You’ve both been so busy, you’ve barely had the time to live life together as a married couple. There’s a tension building full of stress and exhaustion on both ends of your marriage. You find yourselves bickering when you’re together and getting on each other’s nerves more than ever before.

You know it’s because you’re equally annoyed with yourselves and each other with the current situation.

It’s 8pm on a Friday night and Harry called you earlier that morning to let you know he’s coming home today at around 6:30pm and will be able to stay the full week until he’s off again. He asked for you to pick him up from the station because he had booked a meal at The Ivy for 8pm. You of course said yes. You were so excited to hear the news, you felt tears well up in your eyes. “I really can’t wait, I miss you so much.” You replied before you both said your goodbyes and I love you’s before hanging up.

What you didn’t know was that working would be busier than ever that Friday and now you’re still in the office trying to hurry up and finish off one last piece of paper work to be sent off to your client before the weekend. Your phone had died two hours ago and Harry hadn’t contacted you before it died so you weren’t too concerned that he would’ve tried to since then.

You could cry out of frustration. You purposely stayed back to get all this extra work done so you could book off Monday and Tuesday to extend your weekend to spend some time with your husband.

Half an hour later, you finally send the email and pack up your stuff. You race to your car and make your way home. The door is unlocked when you go to turn the key and your heart skips a beat when you realise that Harry must be home.

The lights are all off downstairs which is odd so you make your way upstairs to your bedroom to find Harry sat on the edge of the bed in just his underwear and his phone in his hands.

“Hi, baby.” You softly speak up as you walk through the door and put your bag and coat over the chair in the corner of the room.

Harry glances at you over his shoulder briefly without so much as a tiny acknowledgment of your presence before looking back to his phone.

You frown, thinking his behaviour seems a bit off. The energy in the room seems low and you can sense he’s not in a good mood.

You walk over to him, a hand on his shoulder and the other hand reaching to lift his head by tilting his chin in your direction for him to look up at you. As soon as you try to lean forward to place a kiss to his lips he yanks his head away from your touch and rolls his eyes, letting out a huff.

You step back, very offended and extremely hurt by his cold actions.

“Fuck you, then.” You throw your hands up and storm away to head downstairs to the kitchen. You’re literally trying so hard not to break down and cry right now so you’re pacing around your kitchen, breathing heavily for a few moments then deciding to pour yourself a large glass of wine.

You almost down the first glass. The second one being poured less than five minutes later. You’re just stood by your kitchen island with a glass of wine in one hand and thoughts racing around your mind as you try to figure out why your husband seems to despise you at the moment.

You soon realise it could possibly be the fact that your phone was dead and maybe he was trying to get ahold of you.

You start to feel a pit of guilt in your stomach when you take your phone from your pocket and plug it into the charger point next to your toaster.

You finish your second glass of wine once your phone switches on and your eyes widen when you notice the ten missed calls and five unread messages from Harry.

You read the texts carefully one at a time.

From Harry:

6:09pm - l’m fifteen minutes away from the station if you want to set off now. Love you. Xx

6:30pm - Where are you? I’m waiting near the security box until you’re here. Xx

6:53pm - I’ve rung you five times and you’re not answering so I’m making my own way home now.

7:26pm - Why aren’t you answering and why aren’t you at home? You do realise we have to be at The Ivy in half an hour.

8:03pm - cancelled the booking. If you read this before you come home - don’t bother me when you get in, I can’t be arsed with this tonight.

You heart feels like it’s going to stop. You have never felt more terrible in your life. You feel like a punch to the gut is what you deserve right now and nothing less. And to think, you literally just spat in his face and said fuck you to him, still not realising what you’d done.

You were so fixated on wanting to spend the week with Harry that you’d completely forgotten about picking him up and going out for dinner tonight.

You were a little drunk and very upset with yourself so of course the only thing currently you did was start to cry. You sat on a stool at your island, lent your elbows on the countertop, put your face in your hands and sobbed. Sobbed for your husband and how upset he must be feeling. Sobbed at the realisation of how much you hurt him and let him down. You felt like a failure.

After about thirty minutes of letting your feelings flow out of your system uncontrollably, you composed yourself and prepared yourself to go and apologise profusely. You’d gone over what to say in your head a million times and nothing sounded good enough but you know the least he deserves is an apology rather than an explanation or excuse right now.

Your face is puffy and red from the crying as you shakily walk up the stairs to your room and find Harry is now laying under the covers with the tv on, watching a movie with a deep frown on his face. As if he’s in deep thought rather than paying attention to the screen.

You push the door open gently and let yourself in. Basically walking with your tail between your legs, you can barely look at him as you sit on the bottom corner of the bed on your side. You couldn’t be further away from him on the bed if you tried.

“Harry, I’m so sorry.” You croak. Lips quivering as you fight the urge to break down crying again. You finally look at him after your first attempt at the beginning of a long apology. He’s ignoring you. Keeping his eyes fixed on the screen and his arms crossed over his chest.

You decide to keep speaking, “I completely understand why you’re angry and I don’t want to give myself any excuses for-.”

He reaches for the remote and turns up the volume to drown out your voice.

You let out a shaky sigh. A tear slipping down your cheek. “I didn’t ignore you on purpose- look, can you please just say something?” You beg pathetically and Harry’s head turns as his eyes look at you with anger.

“Told you I can’t be fucked with this tonight just leave me alone, please.” He sighs in annoyance before completely turning his back to you as he lays on his side.

You really don’t know what to say now. You didn’t expect this reaction from him. He’s never been this angry with you before and it’s terrifying you slightly because you really can’t cope with it. You don’t even care if he shouts at this point, you just want more of a reaction from him.

He has every right to feel the way he does, you know that. You hate going to sleep on bad terms though. You both agreed to always resolve conflicts before getting into bed because you never wanted to be that couple that gets into fights and makes one or the other sleep on the sofa.

It seems like it’s going to be that way tonight though. You don’t want to say another word because you don’t want to make it worse. Even though you know you won’t get much sleep, you decide to go sleep downstairs on the couch. You could go sleep in the spare room but you need a tv to distract you from your racing thoughts so the living room it is.

You get up from the bed, go take a quick shower and change into your pyjamas before grabbing your pillow from your side of the bed and walking towards the door.

“Goodnight, Harry. I love you.” You say to him softly before closing the door behind yourself and making your way downstairs.

You turn on a shitty reality show to fall asleep too. It takes a few hours but eventually you drift off.

The next morning you’re awoken by the sound of the blender rattling off in the kitchen. You feel at peace for a split second as your groggy memory clears up as your consciousness comes back, along with the awful events of last night. You grimace start yourself as you sit up on the couch and turn around to see Harry standing in the kitchen, making himself a smoothie, dressed in his running gear.

It mustn’t be any later than 6am because he only likes going running at the crack of dawn. He hasn’t noticed that you’re awake yet but you know he’s still fuming by the look on his face.

Now that you’re not intoxicated and knowing it’s a new day, you’re determined to resolve this issue very soon. You don’t want to waste any more of the short time you two have together for the next four days being bitter.

You get up from the couch and stretch before walking over to the kitchen island and taking a seat on the stool you were sobbing on last night.

“Morning.” You say with a tired voice as Harry still hasn’t acknowledged you whilst he’s cleaning up some dishes. You’re both facing each other on opposite sides of the island.

Harry looks up at you frowning and doesn’t reply so you take it as your queue to go in strong with all guns blazing.

“Can we please talk about this now?” You plead. Harry just deadpans and looks at you with a look that tells you no as he picks up his AirPods and puts them in as he makes his way to the door to go on his run.

“What the actual fuck! This is an actual fucking nightmare.” You frustratingly shout to no one but yourself after Harry closes the door on his way out.

[termaitz]

Salvation

Size and Medium: 16x20 in. / Chalk Pastel

Year: 2020

**work-in-progress photos found below ↴

[writingsfromhome]

Things to Learn II

A/N: I kind of love writing these characters? tsm for the love on the original I’m glad I got to dive back into their story again. I’m starting a taglist so if you’d like to be on it give me a shout :)

Part 1 / 2 / 3 /

————————————————————

Harry rushes out of the toilets so he doesn’t miss the opening scene and nearly crashes into someone standing around the corner.

“Sorry!” He says as he tries to rush on by.

“Harry!?” The person calls his name.

He stops in his tracks and takes a look at who he just bumped into. And of course, it would be her.

“YN,” he swallows the lump forming in his throat. “Hi-uh what are you doing here?”

“Watching a movie?” She raises a brow. Still the same attitude as before.

“Oh! Right. Yeah. Me too-“

“Which movie are you here for?”

“The Planet of the Apes reruns,” Harry points to the door he so badly wants to walk through. As much as he wanted to stand here and talk to YN, have her attention all to himself, he wanted to watch the movie he came here for more.

“Well I’m here for that new romcom but Raina ditched me to go to that riverbank bonfire bullshit everyone’s talking about. But I hate smelling like campfire afterwards plus I already bought popcorn-“

“Didn’t that movie start 15 minutes ago?” Harry notices she’s standing in front of the poster. Why was she hovering outside?

“Well yeah because I’m wondering if I should be the loser inside watching a romcom by herself.”

Harry doesn’t know if he should be offended—he regularly watched movies by himself during the summer when he had nothing else to do. But then he realizes YN and her opinions weren’t something he took offence to ever since he put down his intellectually superior flag.

“Well I’m here with Caleb if you want to-“

“Bloody hell I was waiting for you to get the hint,” she brushes past Harry and he trails behind, confused.

“You wanted to watch Planet of the Apes?”

“No! I just didn’t want to watch a movie by myself. And you were supposed to invite me.”

“Oh,” these were the social rules Harry often missed. It was sort of nice having YN spell it out for him. “You could have just said-“

“Shh,” she shushes him as they enter the theatre.

Harry was pleased at the way Caleb’s eyes bugged out of his head at the sight of YN.

“I thought you were going to the toilet?” He whispers loudly.

“I was but she-“ Harry cuts off as someone in front turns around with a dirty look. The movie hadn’t even started.

YN sits beside Harry and begins snacking on her popcorn. She hogs the armrest and he lets her, and when she pulls out her sweets and offers it to Harry and his friend they end up swapping most of their snacks. Despite being distracted at first he has a really fun time with the two of them.

Outside in the lobby after the movie is done, YN hesitates after throwing out her trash. It looks like she was wondering if she should stick around or not.

“Thanks,” she finally tells Harry. “Let’s not do this again though.”

“You joined us,” Harry reminds her. She eyes both him and Caleb.

“Yeah, exactly?” She says with a hand on her hip.

“I’m j’saying we weren’t the ones ditched here,” Harry says before he could stop himself. Her pleasant expression falls and Harry can see Caleb concentrate on something far away. Coward.

“Firstly I was invited to join the party but like I said I don’t like smelling like campfire. Secondly, just cuz I told you I was ditched doesn’t make you-“

“Um, I gotta go.” Caleb pipes in from behind. Both Harry and YN turn to him and he almost shrinks. “My ride is here um…”

“See ya later,” Harry cups his hand and Caleb bolts out faster than a cat seeing a dog.

“You were saying?” Harry turns back to YN.

“Look,” she points to the other theatre, the one she’d been standing in front of when Harry bumped into her. “The next showing starts in a bit.”

Harry stares, trying to figure out what she was asking.

“We could watch it?”

“I thought we shouldn’t do this again?”

“Shut up,” she starts walking away.

“Isn’t this illegal?” Harry catches up to her. “I don’t even want to watch this movie.”

“Actually you do,” she grabs his arm and pulls him up the stairs even though he’s following her anyway. Harry tries not to focus on the exact part of his arm she’s touching but it feels warmer than usual. “And secondly nobody is going to kick us out. It doesn’t even matter, do something illegal once in a while.”

Harry follows along with her and they end up having a lot more fun at the second movie. He actually finds it funny and it reminds him of watching these during the holidays with his sister and mum. YN leans her head on his shoulder during an emotional scene and Harry feels like he’s made of clay until she takes it off and laughs at the next scene.

“You had fun, admit it!” YN says as they walk out of the theatre. It was close to midnight now and Harry was planning on walking home.

“Maybe!” Harry doesn’t.

“Liar,” she skips ahead of him. “Secretly you thought my romcom was a lot cooler than your Ape movie.”

“Planet of the Apes, and you enjoyed that one.”

“I’m not denying it,” she shrugs. “C’mon I know you’ve got a sister don’t you watch romcoms with her?”

Harry seems disturbed by the idea, “Not that sort. We watch holiday ones during Christmas but-“

“Oh my god like the Holiday?”

“Yeah I’ve seen that a billion times. And there’s one with Keira Knightley-“

“Oh I bet there is,” she nudges him and Harry blushes. “She does seem your type.”

“Yeah and you probably love Jude Law in The Holiday.”

“Well yeah he’s alright,” she pouts her mouth and doesn’t finish her sentence.

“No way,” Harry laughs. “It’s not Jude Law.”

“You know who’s peng? Tom Hardy. There’s a man I’d watch in a romcom over and over.”

“What?” Harry didn’t know who that was but now he was curious.

“Yeah. You should look him up. Anyway, my ride’s gonna be here any minute so I’m staying here.”

“Oh. Yeah right.” Harry thought they were walking home together but she stays near the closest bus shelter. “Well bye.”

“Bye,” she waves him off.

He doesn’t think he’d see her again that summer. But the next morning she sends him a text saying it was fun and he should come over some time to broaden his romcom education. He thinks she’s joking but the following Tuesday she shows up at his house with DVDs and Percys and although Harry’s mum is surprised to see a girl friend at the house, she orders them pizza and his family gives him the den all to themselves.

After watching two movies back to back and feeling sick from all the junk they’ve consumed they lay on the floor. As evening falls through the wispy curtains of his front window Harry asks YN about her summer and uni. She’s cagey and likes to turn questions around on him but it’s nice talking to her like that with most of her guard down. It almost feels like they’re friends.

***

YN shows up at Harry’s house after dinner. His butt is glued down on his sofa ready to settle into a night of playing video games but the ringing at the door interrupts him.

“Harry!” His sister calls out from somewhere. He was closest to the door and on his way there he peeks through the curtains of the den to see a familiar head of hair. In a cap.

“Hey!” She walks right in.

“Hey…” Harry looks at her get-up: a tanktop and gauzy skirt paired with the trainers she always wore.

“Oh YN,” Harry’s mum pokes her head down from the staircase. “You haven’t been around in a while how are things?”

“Hi Mrs. Styles.” YN was always the perfect angel in front of his parents but his mum was right, it had been a couple weeks since she came by. “I’m good! I’ve been working a few shifts at the shop I do summers at. I had the day off I’m trying to convince Harry to come out with me.”

She was, Harry thought. And she had a summer job?

He’s reminded that no matter how much closer they got, she was always somewhat of a mystery.

“Oh where are you heading out?” Harry’s mum walks down a few steps and sits down.

“There’s a get-together of some of our school friends. Harry never shows up to these things so-“

“Harry,” his mum joins in. “You should go!”

“I never even said no, jeez!” Harry grows flustered.

“But he was totally going to,” YN says to his mum. She laughs and Harry feels peer-pressured.

“Fine! I’ll go.”

“Well be safe,” his mum gets back up. “Make good decisions.”

Harry glares at YN when his mum clears the area and she smiles sweetly back at him.

“Oops.”

“For the record I don’t want to go.”

“Exactly,” she smiles. “Now where’s your room we need to put you in something better than that.”

He was in very comfortable sweatpants and a tee. By the time he was leaving he was in was a short sleeved button-up layered over the same tee and shorts he didn’t even know he owned. She’d forced him to take his glasses off and wear contacts then ruffled his hear with gel and she’d been so close every one of Harry’s senses had been hyper-tuned to her. YN had been oblivious.

“I can’t find my phone,” Harry pats his pockets down as they go downstairs.

“Just leave without it! We’re gonna be late!”

“Can you just call it?” Harry’s halfway up the steps. “I can’t leave without it.”

YN rolls her eyes and calls it. It rings from the den and she walks towards it.

“Seriously?” She walks back out. “You never changed my name?”

Future Prime Minister YN with a heart. It had stayed the same since their group project.

“I guess not,” Harry suddenly feels even more self conscious.

“You can keep the heart,” she goes into his contacts after holding his phone up to his face.

“Hey I never said you could go in!”

“Shush!” She smirks as she updates her name. “There.”

“You don’t want to change the photo?” Harry asks and sighs at her new name: HRH 💖

“No time. Let’s go!” She pushes him out the door.

“I’m going I’m going!” Harry closes the door behind him and they set off down the road.

“You’re so lucky your mum’s so chill,” YN says as they walk.

“Where are we going?” Harry asks.

“My mum thinks I’m at Raina’s watching movies or some shite. Your mum actually like, encouraged you to go out. She didn’t even give you a curfew.”

“Well I never do this,” Harry replies. “What is this anyway.”

“Another bonfire-“

“Does Raina do those like every week?” Harry remembered something about this that night they bumped into each other at the cinema.

“No,” YN says, offended that he would criticize her friend in any way. “The guy she’s seeing right now knows a guy. They do them like a couple times a month. If they did it every week don’t you think someone would catch on?”

Harry shrugs.

“Anyway, you have a decent closet why do you always dress so…boring?”

“I don’t dress boring,” Harry shoves his hand into his pockets. “I’m just comfortable.”

“I’m comfortable,” she points out.

Harry eyes her outfit again, she looked nice and her legs looked particularly nice in the skirt. Harry looks up in the silence he’d just created to find YN staring at him with a raised brow.

“Had a good look?” She punches his arm.

“Ow,” Harry rubs his arm but he deserved it. He’d been oggling. But ever since she’d gotten into his face to run her gelled fingers through his hair, and the cloud of her shampoo or perfume whatever it was closed in around him he’s having a hard time not glancing at her every opportunity.

“Have you got anyone you’re seeing?” Harry asks.

“Nope,” she pops her p. “With uni starting I didn’t really want to let a guy distract me and fuck with my feelings.”

“Wow,” it slips out of Harry’s mouth.

“What?” She narrows her eyes. “And we’re going right here.”

They turn the corner and she asks Harry again what his reaction meant.

“Nothing. I’m just surprised you’re not having a summer fling or something.”

“God Harry, do you think I just date boys to get off or something? I’ve barely had a boyfriend-“

She cuts herself off.

“What?” Harry missed what happened.

“Nothing.”

“Aw c’mon you can’t say ‘nothing’ now,” Harry pushes. After knowing YN this long, she was still scary, but he’d learned where and how to poke at her to get more answers without getting his head bitten off. “You’ve dated plenty of guys.”

“For someone with his nose in a book all the time you claim to know a lot about who I’m dating.”

“It’s hard not to miss what everyone’s talking about.”

“So you believe all the rumours? In that case it’s probably true you cried your first time.”

“What?!” Harry flushes. “Who said that?”

“But rumours are true right?”

“Fine. You just always had one of the football blokes nearby I just-“

“So you just thought I dated the whole team?”

Fuck, Harry realizes he’d screwed up when she starts to speed walk away. He’d spoken before thinking about what it might sound like from her end.

She starts to walk ahead and Harry fastens his pace to catch up. He reaches out and clasps her shoulder. “YN wait I’m sorry. I didn’t think-“

“Whatever,” she brushes his hand off.

He felt awful. He tries again, grabbing her arm this time and she comes to a stop.

“I’m sorry!” He says again. “Just forget I said anything.”

He’s surprised to see her teary eyes when she turns to him.

“What?” She snaps. “Never seen a girl cry before?”

“No I just—I didn’t mean to make you cry-“

“Oh you didn’t make my cry don’t worry,” she huffs. “I just hate how everyone in school always judges me based on their own fucking insecurities.”

Harry pauses, it was true. And he knew YN was only as cutting as she was so she could be taken seriously—so nobody would walk all over her just because she was a girl. He shouldn’t have made that comment, he knew that. He knew better but apparently he still had things to learn.

“I shouldn’t have judged you like that,” Harry mumbles. “I knew better.”

Her mouth parts slightly, YN wasn’t expecting Harry to say a combination of words that actually sounded better than an apology. She forgives him, but she doesn’t let him know.

“Well…you can make it up to me.” YN threads her arm through Harry’s. At first he doesn’t quite know what to do—despite their budding friendship YN rarely showed any affection or even friendliness in public. This was different.

“How? That sounds a bit sinister.”

“You’re going to get drunk with me. I’ve never seen you drunk before, and I want to be able to have embarrassing pictures of you to use next time you make me upset.”

“No way!” Harry unthreads his hand, regretting the decision a little.

“So you’re just gonna go to a party and watch everyone else drink? Your mum would be disappointed!”

“Trust me my mum doesn’t want me to get drunk,” Harry corrects her. “And I don’t drink for a reason. It really doesn’t take much to get tipsy.”

“Really?” YN eyes him. “But you’re tall.”

Harry shrugs, suddenly his heart thuds in his chest as he catches sight of the smoke of the bonfire. This was real—he was actually going to a class party with YN as his company. He had no friends there. This wasn’t his scene. What was he thinking?

“Have we got to do-“

“We’re going,” YN takes his hand and drags it the rest of the way. “We’re going to uni next year and you’re not going to be a party virgin.”

“I’ve been to parties!”

“What? D&D parties?” YN snorts. “You’re going to an outdoor party with drinks and getting drunk. I want you to let loose. Show everyone Harry the nerd is kind of funny?”

“Kind of?” Harry tugs her hand back. “You snorted at my jokes a couple weeks ago.”

YN looks back at him and Harry’s breath is momentarily caught in his throat. The light of the bonfire reflects in her eyes that crinkle at the corners as she looks at him. She has an amused smile fixed on her face. She’s relaxed completely, unguarded.

He wanted more of that, he realizes.

“Oi it’s about time!” Someone notices YN and waves her down. Harry’s forced to follow. “Brought a date did you?”

“Not my date,” YN rolls her eyes.

The group, amongst whom most had been in a lot of his classes, simply stare at him expecting a name or something. Blimey, he realizes nobody recognized him. YN did a good job with her makeover.

“Good,” one particular bloke—tall with a shaggy overgrown mop of hair peels away from the group and slides his arm around YN. She distances herself in one languid move and continues on.

“Are you lot alright?” YN asks. “It’s Harry?”

“Hey Harry,” a few of them say with a removed friendliness. They still couldn’t place him. Harry would have been offended if this wasn’t the last summer he would see them all.

“Okay?” YN turns to Harry with her eyebrow raised and a joke in her eyes like they were on the ins of something together. It warms Harry’s chest with a gentle ease.

“Harry,” shaggy-hair says. “How d’you two know each other?”

“I’m gonna show Har to the drinks,” YN continues ignoring the guy. Harry’s dying to know who that is. “Anyone seen Raina?”

“She was over there a little while ago,” someone motions towards the fire.

This satisfies YN enough. She turns, “Drinks

“Yeah,” Harry feels lighter being here knowing nobody really recognized him. Like he could be anyone. Maybe he was getting a taste of what being at uni would feel like. He liked it.

He asks YN who that guy was when they get enough distance.

“Oh him? We went out a few times, hooked up at a couple parties. He seems to think that means I want him around at any given moment but he’s a bit clingy.”

A bit was an understatement but Harry stays quiet.

“He looks old.”

She laughs, “Yeah maybe cause he’s 21?”

“What’s he doing with a bunch of teens?” Harry asks, puzzled.

“Oh Har,” YN pats his shoulder and laughs. “Let’s get you a drink.”

“Just one drink,” Harry insists.

But after downing the disgustingly hoppy beer YN hands him Harry starts to feel even better being here. Nobody recognizes him, he has YN keeping him company (after she goes to Raina for a bit and comes back grumbling about her new boyfriend), and the energy at the party starts to really take off as someone turns on a playlist and people really start to mingle.

“So you excited about uni?” YN asks. They’re both sitting on a large rock. Yn has her knees tucked into her and her cheek rests on top. She seemed down after coming back from Raina.

“Yeah!” Harry says. “Finally get some bloody freedom, away from this place.”

“This place?” She slides her cheek across her knees to look at him. She looks beautiful, Harry thinks, before sliding his eyes away. It was still hard for him to maintain eye contact with her despite all the evenings they spent together.

“School. These people.”

“Hey they didn’t even recognize you today,” she chuckles. “I did a good job.”

She reached out and brushes one of his curls. Harry inadvertently leans in closer to her.

“I look the exact same,” Harry scoffs.

“No without those big ass glasses you actually look different.”

“Call me Clark Kent then.”

“Clark Kent.”

Harry looks at YN with an are-you-serious expression and she laughs.

“I didn’t actually mean to call me Clark-“

“I know,” she says softly. “I’m trying to annoy you.”

“That’s not hard to do.”

“Hey!” She punches him lightly. “That’s mean. You’re mean when you’re drinking.”

“No I’m not,” was he? He was just being himself here.

“No…you’re not,” she agrees. “But you’re honest. Anyway, you’re living on campus right? That’s lucky.”

“Why don’t you?” Harry asks.

“I can’t,” YN turns her face away again. “I’ve got to stay at home. Things are…complicated. So I’ve just got to commute.”

“Do you think we’ll hang out at uni?” Harry asks and then flushes as he realizes he said it out loud.

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t we?”

Harry shrugs. “We don’t exactly run in the same circles.”

“Look at us now,” she leans into him, nudging his shoulder, and the warmth of her pressed into him is a balm to his melancholy. “We’re not gonna have the same labels in uni. Nobody knows us. We just get to be ourselves.”

“I hope so.” Harry says. “Should I get another drink?”

“Really?” YN sits up. “You want another?”

“Yeah!” Harry suddenly feels energized. “Why fucking not?!”

“Alright!” She hops off and he follows. “You also swear a lot more when you drink. It’s funny.”

“Sorry,” Harry apologizes immediately.

“Don’t be, I like it.” She says and Harry’s heart skips a beat. He floats the rest of the way to the drinks.

He downs half of another beer before he’s recruited to do a keg stand. He’s pretty sure it’s YN’s pretty-boy that jostles him into that crowd. He’d never done one before and YN tries to pull him away but tipsy and brave he gets instructions and allows two strangers to hold him up while he drinks what feels like the equivalent to the Thames.

The boys standing around cheer him on when he stands back up with the longest time out of everyone tonight. If he was anything, Harry was a winner. And he feels powerful: he’s actually seen and celebrated tonight for doing something as stupid as a keg stand. Why didn’t he do this more in school?

“Make way for the goat!” One of the guys shouts.

“You’re all wankers!” Harry shouts. “I just owned you all!”

“Harry,” YN’s hand clasps his and while he shouts celebrations back to the guys he’s dragged away by her.

“It’s Harry right?” A girl he’s never seen before stops YN on her trek to get him far away from the drinks. “I’m Marva.”

“Marva!” Harry pulls his hand from YN and shakes Marva’s. “Nice to meet you…Mara.”

“Yeah nice to meet you,” she smiles. “You’ve got really nice eyes.”

“Thank you Mara. You have really nice teeth.”

“Fucking hell,” YN mutters then louder she says, “Sorry Marva we gotta go. Maybe you can catch up with-“

“Okay I just wanna say that was sick what you did,” Marva points to the keg.

“I’m king of the keg,” Harry says and YN mumbles something to the side but Harry’s too swept in winning, in getting attention from this beautiful girl, to hear.

“Yeah, uhm could I get your number?”

“Uh,” Harry tries to remember his number but it doesn’t come to him. He should remember his number. Why isn’t it coming to him?

“Or I could give you mine?” She says after Harry stands there silently for an uncomfortable minute.

“Yeah,” Harry hands his phone over but his mind keep trying to push through the slosh to remember his number. Soon enough he’s walking away with YN again. “Why is my number? It’s a set of numbers…”

He’s mumbling, an anxious feeling creeping up his chest as he tries to remember.

“Hey,” YN finally allows him to stop. She senses the panic rising in him and lays a hand on his chest. The buzzing stops immediately. “Harry look at me.”

Harry looks down at YN, she was one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen. He wishes he could hold her face for eternity. He would live in peace.

“Hello?” She snaps her fingers. “You’re not blinking are you alright?”

“Probably not!” Harry laughs. “I just got hit on by a gorgeous girl did you see that?”

“Yes,” she rolls her eyes. “She was impressed by your ability to drink upside down. What a catch.”

“I am a catch,” Harry motions to the water behind them. “I’m a fish in the sea.”

“Oh my god,” YN laughs. “You’re ridiculous is what you are. That’s a river I thought you were smart.”

“I’m cool now.”

She brushes his hair again, “give a nerd a new hair style,” she drags her hands over his eyes, “put him in contacts,” she continues tracing her hand down his face to his chest, “put him in new clothes-“

She cuts herself off when Harry grasps her hand against his chest. He was sure she could feel his heart racing inside.

They stare silently at each other, the darkness cushioning them on either side until it feels like they’re the only two beings in the night. Like they’re drifting in the dark, tethered only by hands and gazes.

Harry tilts forward, YN doesn’t move back. So he closes the distance and presses his lips to hers, they’re as soft as he imagined. They’re the best lips he’s ever kissed.

Maybe he imagines it, maybe it was a drunk fantasy, but for a brief second she presses her lips against his; she closes her eyes and kisses him back.

The next second, she’s shoving him backwards and scrambling away. Her look of shock and betrayal cuts right through the fog in his brain.

“What the fuck?” She shouts. “Did-did you just fucking kiss me?”

“I’m sorry!” Harry feels his heart in his throat, why did he think she would ever want to kiss him? She was YN, he was just Harry. “I don’t-I’m not I-“

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She wipes the back of her hand against her mouth, adding assault to injury. “Why would you do that?!”

“YN,” Harry stumbles forward but she peddles backward. It’s another punch added, almost deflating him entirely. “I didn’t mean—I’m drunk I’m sorry-“

“Being drunk isn’t a fucking excuse,” she spits.

“I know! I’m sorry!”

“Goddamnit! You’re just like every other asshole of a guy. I thought we were friends! But of course you get drunk and try to kiss me-“

“It’s not like that!” Harry tries to tell her. He was just braver drunk but he’s been in love with her a long time. After hanging out this whole summer he just thought they had a moment there. He read the signs wrong; apparently a bookworm could read wrong.

Maybe he would never be good at this whole people thing.

“Then what?” YN seethes. “Then why the hell—why did you try to kiss me Harry? You don’t even like me why would you kiss me?!”

“I…” he doesn’t know what to say. Of course he liked her. He more than liked her; YN changed his life and he’s starting to like who she makes him be.

But nothing will make this situation better. And the worst part is he feels her slip away, right through his fingers. It’s like one of those jelly toys from when he was a kid; the harder he gripped the easier it slipped away.

“Get fucked Harry,” YN swears. She turns and leaves. She leaves him and he doesn’t think she’ll ever come back.

When the rush of adrenaline subsides Harry empties the contents of his stomach. With his head swimming he picks himself up and finds his way out. With a final glance at the party he’d just felt king of, he spots YN tucked into the body of shaggy-hair and his stomach turns. Why did he ever think she’d want him? Girls like her didn’t end up with guys like him. Why did he ever come to this stupid party in the first place and get drunk? This wasn’t him. Uni or not, maybe he was never meant to change all that much.

***

Harry looks around his half of the dorm he’s just finished putting together with a proud smile. At last the day had come, he had successfully escaped the shackles of school and all its taunting and made it to the uni of his choice. Despite only being a 1.5 hour train ride from home Harry chose to get the full uni experience and live on campus. His life was going to change, he could feel it.

That is, until his roommate walked in.

Messy hair, backwards baseball cap, crewneck and baggy jeans and massive headphones on. Harry already types him in his mind—how the hell did the dorm board pair the two of them together?

“Aw marra,” he holds his hand out sideways and Harry clasps his hand and lets his body gets tugged into his roommate’s bony shoulder. “Harry right?”

“Yeah,” Harry tries to find his balance again. “Roderick?”

“Just Rod yeah,” Roderick throw his duffel bag onto the bed and points behind him. “Give me a hand with the other bags?”

Harry wasn’t much for lifting heavy things but he didn’t want to start off on the wrong foot with someone he’d be living with the next year. So he goes.

“When did you get here?” He asks.

“Last night,” Harry wanted to get in before everyone else and avoid the crowds of people. He knew it would be a good way to meet others and make friends—his sister told him the first week was when you made most of them, but he did what we wanted.

Rod barely hears him as they get the last of his bags. “It was packed to shite trying to get in here. Where’d you come in from?”

“London,” Harry answers.

“And you’re staying here? On campus?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to do the commute everyday. Felt like a waste of time.”

“Yeah that’d be crazy.” His roommate agrees.

“What about you?” Harry remembers to ask.

“Sunlun,” he replies. Harry hadn’t heard of it, and reminds himself to look it up later. “I was right ready to lose it driving here. My mam drove me-“

“Oh is she around?” Harry asks.

“No,” Rod laughs. “I’m not starting school trailing after her. But I promised her I’d have a meal with her after moving my—hey you should come!”

Harry has a hard time keeping up with Roderick, despite having longer legs than him he walks as fast as he talks and he talks with an accent that takes a minute to filter through for understanding.

“I couldn’t-“

“No you’re coming,” Rod claps Harry on the back. “She would love seeing that my roommate’s someone like you.”

Someone like you, what did that mean? But on some level Harry knows just by comparing Roderick’s outfit and Harry’s slacks and spotless crewneck.

Harry has no choice but he gets a free meal out of it. Roderick’s mum is sweet and by the end of the meal he understands his roommate a lot better, knows everything about where he’s from—Sunderland, and is invited to “drop by for tea” anytime he’s up north.

Roderick invites Harry to a get-together for first years happening somewhere off campus but Harry feels sensed out and tells him he was calling it a night. Rod looks disappointed but leaves without him. Harry almost feels disappointed in himself. He was supposed to have a different life being in uni, but he didn’t want to make old mistakes and try to be someone he wasn’t.

***

Freshers week is both invigorating and exhausting for Harry as he tries to navigate all of the personalities and social groups without falling back into his usual ways. He attends the talks and the tours, one in which he meets Mikey who was also planning on joining debate club. Harry goes to mixers and breaks so much ice he’s sure he could get a part time job as an ice sculptor.

Harry also attends the workshops and he meets a few more friends there, but mostly when he signs up for clubs he’s interested and goes to their mixers he finds people he clicks with very easily. He doesn’t spot Rod once or anyone else he would have known from school.

On Thursday Harry heads to Newsroom Society Club which was a fancy title for the uni’s reporting club. He has a few new friends he’s made, Florence from one of the workshops and Gabriel who lived in the same hall as Harry as well as Mikey. They were all interested in being part of reporting—the newspaper or the podcast.

Harry stumbles into a projector when he spots her.

“You alright?” Gabriel grabs Harry’s jacket to hold him steady. All eyes are on him as the slideshow on the wall tips off balance and he’s bright as a tomato.

“Yeah I didn’t see that there,” Harry lies.

“Kinda hard to miss,” YN pipes in from where she stands.

Looking at her reminds Harry of the summer. It felt like a dream looking back on it, how they became friends and then quickly drifted off after he stupidly misread her cues and tried to kiss her. Although it was one of the few times he had gotten drunk and he was out of his depth when it happened. But YN had avoided him after that. He knew they were going to the same school but he didn’t think he’d see her this early on.

Harry’s new friends eye YN, assuming she was being rude just because. But when Harry acknowledges her they settles down.

“YN. Hi.” Harry waves awkwardly.

“Harry,” she says coolly.

“You’re here for the paper?”

“The show actually,” YN nods. The girl she’s talking to touches her arm and motions she was heading elsewhere.

“Oh me too,” Florence pipes in. “I’m Florence by the way.”

“I’m Mikey,” his other friend says as if Flo opened a gateway to YN. “I’m also interested in it. Not sure if I’m staying though.”

YN eyes his friends and returns her gaze to Harry. “Neat. I’m YN.”

“You two know each other?” Mikey asks.

“Yeah,” Harry says as YN says “Unfortunately.”

There’s an awkward beat as the group tries to figure out if she’s joking it not. When her lips curl into a small smile and they take the cue to laugh. It amazed Harry how well YN could command a group. Even now.

“Are you going for any other clubs?” Flo continues asking YN.

“I was thinking tennis, I used to play.” YN says and Harry’s surprised to hear that. He’s reminded he didn’t know her much—he never really got to know her that well despite all the time together. She was a closed book on a lot of things. “How about you?”

“Yeah I’m thinking of joining the volunteer committee!”

“Yeah what do they do?” YN asks. “Obviously volunteering but like-“

She doesn’t need to correct herself any further as Flo launched into a onboarding speech about volunteer committee. And Harry’s mesmerized by YN as she listens to Flo attentively, it’s different to the way she interacted with him or Mikey or a lot of people. When she feels him staring her eyes flick up to meet his and then back to Flo. She does it again and he takes the hint, looking away.

He flushes remembering the summer, how things started so well and ended so terribly.

YN ends up sticking to their group as the club organizers gather everyone to do a small introduction of the Newsroom Society. When it ends and they’re left to mingle Harry’s friends ask him what they were going to do for lunch.

“I’m easy, we can go anywhere.”

“I wanted to catch the fencing match they have going on at 2,” Gabriel says. “I might stay behind-“

“Let’s just do the caf.” Harry decides.

Florence turns back to YN who’s with her friend again. “Hey we were gonna grab lunch in the caf would you want to join? Both of you?”

YN meets Harry’s eye and an awkward energy sizzles between the two. It happens so quickly.

“Soph?” YN asks her friend.

“Eh,” she shrugs. “Okay. I’m Sophie by the way…”

Introductions are made all over again and YN and Harry are left herding the crowd from behind at the end if it.

“Hi,” Harry says as they fall into step.

She eyes him first before responding, “Hi.”

Silence as the group ahead chatters away.

“How’ve you been?” Harry attempts small talk.

“Fine.” She replies without returning the question. Harry gets the hint and grits his teeth. It was frustrating knowing she had glued herself shut and it would require a tool he didn’t have to get her to open again.

At lunch she continues to gloss over anything he says and talking with everyone enthusiastically but him, making him feel like he was in secondary all over again.

“We should do this again,” Florence suggests. “You guys are fun.”

Harry thinks Flo just liked having girls to talk to since most of the friends she’d made so far had been Harry and his.

“Yeah,” Soph agrees. “Maybe we’ll all make the Newsroom Society. Flo I think I’ll come to the volunteer thing with you next week just text me when it is.”

Somehow Harry’s friends intermingle with YN’s and by the time classes actually starts he’s seen YN socially more often than he had in secondary.

“YN,” Harry catches her walking out of their international business course. He’d found they had two classes together despite deciding different majors.

She glances up at her name and upon seeing Harry continues walking.

“Hey YN,” he walks ahead enough to stop her.

“Hey. What?” She asks.

“Can we talk?”

She raises a brow.

“C’mon,” Harry turns and hopes she’ll follow. She does. He leads them to a seating area for students in the building’s courtyard. “We should talk.”

“About?”

“Us.” Harry fidgets. “Look, I know what I did last summer wasn’t right. And being drunk wasn’t an excuse. I…I misread the signs and I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to betray your trust like that and. Yeah. I’m really sorry. If we’re gonna hang out and be mates, it’s weird when you’re always mad at me.”

She stares at him for an uncomfortable period and Harry can’t hold eye contact the whole time.

“How many times did you practice saying that?” She asks with a straight expression.

He laughs, “A few times.”

Like the sun after a thunderstorm, her smile slowly brightens the rest of her face as it stretches over her face.

“For the record, don’t ever try to kiss me ever again.” YN lists on her fingers. “Secondly, there will never be signs between us as anything more than friends so just…don’t look for them. We’re just friends.”

“Got it,” Harry mock salutes.

“I’m not done,” she holds up three fingers. “Thirdly, it’s nice seeing you be less…secondary Harry.”

“What?”

“Y’know like, bookish awkward nerdy Harry. You’ve actually got friends, I saw you at a couple parties. It’s nice!”

“Oh,” Harry didn’t think YN thought about him at all. He thought he went back to being a nobody but she was still noticing things about him. Things he thought only he had picked up on.

She was right—he felt more himself the longer he was at uni. It wasn’t easy but he found it easier to make decisions about people and friends, emotions and conversations when the pressure to fit into a box fell away.

Of course, Harry still struggled connecting with his roommate. After declining his initial invite to a party Rod mostly kept to himself and sometimes Harry was asked to give him privacy a few hours some evenings. Harry usually obliged, wanting to still be friends with Roderick.

One of the parties YN saw him at must have been one Rod invited him to. It was the first time he’d really spoken to him since that first day. And Harry had gone to the party just to reduce the friction with Rod. It went over well, he’d even chatted up a girl.

“Anyway,” YN hitches her bag onto her shoulder. “My next class is much later in the day so I’m gonna find a place to crash until then.”

“When is it?”

“Like, 5?”

“Shit, you commuted for our 10 and have to stay that late?”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “It was the only way I could fit both classes into this semester.”

“D’you…” Harry reconsiders the rules she’d given him. He didn’t think this was breaking any. “D’you want to come go my dorm? You could…nap or something.”

Her face lights up, “Wait really?”

“Yeah?”

“Um yeah? If that’s alright if-“

“Yeah,” Harry’s pleased to be able to offer something that’s made her light up. “Yeah c’mon. My roommate should be out. My next class is at half past 1 though.”

“That’s enough time for a nap,” YN says as she falls into step beside him.

“You don’t have to leave.” Harry tells her. “You can stay while I’m in class.”

That’s how Harry finds himself walking out of his dorm quietly so as not to wake a sleeping YN. She had knocked out soon after getting into his sheets, and he’s thankful he’d just washed them over the weekend after accidentally spilling tea all over them.

He felt bad that she had to commute for nearly 2 hours and stay the whole day for an evening class. He gives her an open invitation to use his dorm as a hotel when she wanted. She’d corrected him it was more like a motel, and then said his bedsheets smelled surprisingly nice for a motel.

Harry has a smile for most of his walk to class.

Near the end of class his phone vibrates with a text.

Roderick: there’s a girl sleeping on your bed?

Shit, Harry didn’t think he’d be back before him.

Harry: that’s just YN, sorry hope you don’t mind.

R: nah I just wasn’t expecting it lol

H: she’s just crashing

R: she single?

H: what happened to the girl you were hooking up with last week?

Despite not talking a lot, Harry still had the lowdown on who Rod was hooking up with because of the revolving door of girls.

R: mate. That was last week.

Harry rushes back from class but to his surprise he finds YN sitting in bed braiding her hair while Rod leans against his desk explaining something about Sunderland.

“Oh hey Harry,” YN says when he walks in.

“Hey,” Harry tries not to sound too out of breath. “Uh I see you two’ve met.”

“Yeah. YN’s pretty cool, where’ve you been hiding her?”

“I’m not-“

“Ew,” YN cuts him off. “Do they not teach manners in Sunderland?”

Harry watches, for the first time since he’s met him, Roderick stammer and look uncertain.

“Anyway,” YN gets off the bed and adjusts her clothes. “Thanks for letting me crash.”

Harry watched Rod get a hold of himself and YN put her bag back together again. That was the privilege of being so beautiful, she could shame guys like Rod into behaving themselves.

“See you Friday?” YN tells Harry. They had a Newsroom Society meeting. Harry ended up making the cut for the paper along with Gabriel and Flo. YN had made it for the podcast and this week was when they first got assignments.

“Yeah,” Harry says. YN walks past him, squeezing him arm and walking out.

“Marra,” Rod blow the air out of his cheeks. “She’s….something. You should invite her to the party Friday if she’s on campus.”

“Yeah I’ll ask,” Harry says. Weird how the tables have turned, he thinks. Here he would be, inviting YN to a party.

***

Harry doesn’t get a chance to catch up with YN until after Newsroom. He asks her if she was doing anything afterwards.

“Nope,” she rubs her temple. “I have a Saturday shift to work so I was just gonna head home after this.”

“Oh.” Harry says. He forgot she worked. “I was gonna invite you to this party-“

“You?” She points to him and laugh. “You’re inviting me?”

“Erm yeah?”

“I love it.” She says seriously.

“Yeah,” a smile tugs at his lips. “I know. But if you’re busy-“

“Oh no. I’ll show up to a party you’re inviting me to, where is it?”

Harry gives her the place. She tells him one of her friends was trying to get here there too.

“Whatever, I’ll just suffer the consequences tomorrow. Although I’m not dressed for a party at all.”

Harry eyes her hoodie and jeans. Even he knew YN dressed up more for parties.

“Too bad you’re not a girl,” she sighs. “I could just borrow something from your closet.”

“How about the friend you mentioned?”

“She lives a town over so she commutes. Wait, let me see your closet maybe we can make something work.”

“Don’t you make fun of my closet?”

“No I make fun when you wear it. It might look hot on me.”

The idea of YN looking hot in his clothes forces the blood to rush to his head and he has to take a few deep breaths before trailing behind.

Rod’s nowhere in sight when they get to his dorm. Harry unloads his backpack and splays out on his bed, tired from the day and really not wanting to go to any parties.

“This could be cute,” YN unhooks a plain white tee from his closet and throws it on his bed. She picks up a sweater and a short-sleeved button up. She holds them up to her and instructs him to turn around while she tries it on.

Harry’s so tired that turned around he ends up falling asleep, half his body still dangling off the bed.

While uni was really fun for him, and getting to explore different sides of him and learn a whole lot, it was a constant rotation of something. Sometimes he wondered if he should drop a class or a club just to give himself some breathing room. Or sleeping room. But Harry wasn’t a quitter. Instead he was tired a lot of the time and felt like he was constantly catching up.

“Hello,” Harry’s woken by a vigorous shaking. YN peers down at him, lashes long and coated in mascara probably. Her lips are painted a deep pink and she’s put her hair down.

“How did you…” Harry blinks at her.

“I had some makeup in my bag, I just touched it up while you slept.” She sits down beside him. “Now what are you wearing and when are we leaving?”

“I’m just wearing this,” Harry motions to his jeans and hoodie. She raises a brow. “Wait what are you-“

He notices what she’s wearing. His white tee that hangs loose on him has been tightened into a single point on YN’s ribcage, baring her midriff. She’s kept her jeans on but somehow despite only swapping out one item of clothing she looks magnetic.

“Wow.”

“I know right,” she gets up to allow him the full picture even though he didn’t want to ogle any more. “I just went with one of your tees, used a hair tie to style it. I’ll wear my bomber on top. And you can change your hoodie at least. You’ll look like a slob in that, it’s not going to impress any girls.”

“What if I don’t want to impress any girls?”

“Don’t forget I caught you flirting with Sophie last week.” She warns him.

It was embarrassing, Soph had been talking through one of the articles they were assigned to think about for Newsroom and it had turned flirty when Sophie started teasing him. Harry had recently felt more confident in the girl department and he’d flirted back until YN had dropped into the conversation pretending to gag at Harry.

Harry wondered if Sophie would be at the party. He should have texted her to ask.

“Let’s not talk about that.”

“I would actually love to talk about that,” she grins. “But I do want to head out. So wear this and let’s go.”

She throws Harry a crewneck and taps her foot. When she doesn’t make a move to look away he changes in front of her and doesn’t meet her eye.

“You’ve got a tattoo?” YN sounds surprised as he gets his arms into the crewneck.

“Huh?” Harry realizes she’s staring at his ribcage. He forgot he had a tattoo, not often looking at himself naked in the mirror. “Oh yeah. Caleb and I got it for our 18th before we went to uni. He’s moved to Canada for uni so-“

“You’re full of surprises aren’t you.” YN says in a quieter voice than usual. Harry’s hands are still trapped in his sweater, halfway to his head, when she steps closer and traces her hand over the numbers. Her hands are cold and unexpected and he gasps.

“Sorry,” she looks up at him but he can barely look at her. She was touching his bare torso. “Was that cold?”

“Yeah,” Harry clears his throat.

“Any others?” She asks.

He shakes his head, his voice sticking in his throat. He couldn’t move, he was too busy concentrating on breathing.

He slowly pulls his jumper on the rest of the way and only when they head out does he feel safe enough to talk. He tells YN how he planned on getting more tattoos eventually, once he figured out what he liked. It was a bit scary being so permanent but he liked the way he could express himself or hold memories on his skin.

They talk about it until they reach the dorms the party was at.

“Catch you inside,” YN says as they enter. “Don’t get too drunk.”

“Never again” Harry shouts after her. She waves without turning around.

He thought they would hang out here together but he finds himself wandering the dorms until he spots Mikey. He becomes absorbed in Mikey’s group of friends and forgets he’d been here with YN.

At some point Harry finds himself the centre of attention of a girl from his intro to biology class. Mary. She’s cute with a shoulder-length brown hair and animated eyes. When she smiles at Harry he feels his heart flutter.

“What about weirdest?” She asks Harry. They were talking about their shared interest in cults.

“Raelian,” Harry responds. “Have you heard of them?”

“Ooh no tell me about it,” she shuffles closer to him in the stranger’s room they were talking in. Harry had been nursing his drink for the last couple hours and he’d nearly made it look like it was done.

His phone vibrates in his pocket and he ignores it. When it goes off again Mary raises her brow.

“D’you need to get that?”

“I dunno,” Harry pulls out YN flipping him off on screen. He still hadn’t changed her photo.

“Harry!” He hears his name shouted from the hall just as the call ends.

“Is somebody actually calling you?” Mary furrows her brows.

“I don’t-“ his name is shouted again but louder.

The two of them shuffle to the hall and YN’s unmistakable face comes into view.

“Harry!” She says in a loud and happy tone. “I found you!”

“YN,” Harry glances at Mary nervously. She seems concerned. “What happened?”

“What didn’t happen amirite?” She elbows him. “Anyway. I don’t feel well and I am going home.”

“Drunk?” Harry scratches his head. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You’ve got like nearly 2 hours on the train.”

“And?” She shrugs. “I’ll sleep it off.”

“You can’t do that.” Harry insists.

“Well good thing you’re,” she points her finger into his chest and tilts forward. “Not the boss of me. Oh hey. We haven’t met!”

She spots Mary beside him and she bows to her.

“Heh. Harry. And Mary.” YN points between them.

“D’you need help?” Mary asks. “With her?”

“I don’t need help!” YN shouts. “I’m cool. I’m fun. I’m totally alright.”

“You’re really not,” Harry grits his teeth. He was finally hitting it off with Mary and of course YN had to go and get drunk and ruin it.

Technically he did invite her to the party though. Did that make her his responsibility? Harry wasn’t too sure about that sort of thing.

“I did an amazing job at Ring of Fire,” YN slurs. “Phe-nnnnn-omm-enal.”

“I am going to get her out of here,” Harry tells Mary. He twists his mouth to the side and hopes he looks as sorry as he felt. “I invited her so…”

“That’s alright! That’s what friends are for right?” She smiles. “I’ll see you in class?”

“Yeah!” Harry nods. “I’ll see you.”

With a final exchange of smiles Harry grabs YN by the shoulders and gets her out of the building. The whole time she talks about random things from the night that Harry couldn’t care less about.

“YN why did you get so bloody drunk,” Harry says outside his building. It was a co-ed so it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for both of them to go in but Harry wanted to sneak her into his room.

“I didn’t mean to,” she says. “I wasn’t even gonna stay this long.”

Her voice pitches down and she becomes droopier in Harry’s arms. His arms hurt; he should use the gym on campus more often.

“What happened?” Harry continues to entertain her.

She doesn’t say until they reach his room. He prays Rod would still be at the party and breathes a sigh of relief when the other side of the room is empty.

“Sit here,” Harry places YN on his bed and finds a water bottle for her. “Drink.”

“I can’t, I need to piss.”

Harry groans. “Why didn’t you say earlier?”

“I forgot,” she whispers. “Sorry.”

He points the toilets out to her and leaves the door open a crack so she can find her way back. Her mascara’s running when she gets back.

“Were you crying?” He asks.

“No! I tried to take this stupid stuff off.” She sighs. “It really is waterproof.”

Harry shakes his head, YN was a right state and he didn’t really know what to do. She’s always the one in control and in command. He remembers his sister using makeup wipes but he didn’t have any. He improvises with kleenex but she complains that it hurt. He tries dousing one in water but the makeup barely budges.

“Just let me sleep in it,” she complains.

“And get it all over my bedsheets?” Harry shakes his head. “No way.”

“Oils,” YN leans back in his bed anyway. “If you’ve got oil. Or balms. Whatever.”

Harry rummages through the room and manages to find a hair product his sister bought him with oils. He puts some on the kleenex but YN is snoring in bed by the time he gets up to her.

“C’mon,” he taps her face. “Did you seriously fall asleep already?”

“No,” YN cracks an eye open. “I’m up.”

“Good. Here use this.” He offers her the wipe but she whines until Harry gives in and helps her wipe it off. It makes his heart race and he tries not to breathe her in too much. Despite smelling like a brewery, underneath that she smells like YN. The one he knew last summer.

“You can’t sleep in my bed with this on.” Harry complains. Who knows where those jeans have been.

“M’not sleeping in my underwear,” she mumbles. “You wish.”

“Trust me I don’t,” Harry didn’t even sleep in his underwear. “I’ll give you some sweatpants. Please change into them.”

“You’re the worst,” she whines. But does as he says, moving like a sloth. She peels off his tshirt and slides into his sheets and Harry avoids looking at her in her sports bra. At least it wasn’t a lacy one.

She was just a friend. They had both made an agreement. Friends slept in the same bed. He’d probably shared a bed with Caleb before—this was fine.

Harry creeps under his sheets and tries to keep space between YN and himself but she tucks herself into his side and is out like a light.

***

Harry wakes to a shock of cold on his thigh. His eyes rip open and he yanks himself away from the freeze.

It takes him a moment to register YN giggling beside him.

“What the fuck!” Harry groans and turns on his back. At some point he’d turned towards YN and they’d probably slept facing each other. It was better than any other alternative he figured.

“Sorry,” she says without sounding a single bit sorry. “I just had to do it.”

“I literally let you crash in the same tiny bed as me and you repay me like that!?” Harry says to the ceiling. Sleep still tries to pull him back in but he fights it—with YN up he probably wasn’t going to get any more sleep.

“Okay no I shouldn’t have done that sorry.” She apologizes. “You wouldn’t happen to have like paracetamol or-“

“It’s in the desk drawer—what are you—ow!”

YN had started climbing over him as he answered and nearly kneed him between the legs.

“Sorry!” She whispers. Harry glances at his roommate to find him sleeping in his bed. He hoped Rod was too drunk to notice YN in his bed when he came in.

Harry decides to just get up then and eventually he walks YN to the bus terminal both of them full on caf coffee and breakfast. She was going to cut it close for her shift but she didn’t seem to care.

“Thanks for taking care of me last night,” YN says as the bus comes into view. She doesn’t look him in the eye as she says it and he can barely look at her saying it. “You didn’t have to and you did.”

“It’s nothing,” Harry says, equally uncomfortable with YN’s vulnerability.

“I saw an ex,” she meets his gaze. “I didn’t think I’d run into him after all this time. That’s kinda why I drank more than I intended. I wasn’t supposed to inconvenience you—hey, weren’t you talking to some girl last-“

“Yeah,” Harry hoped Mary wasn’t too weirded out by YN. “It’s fine. I’ve got class with her.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” she slaps her hand to her forehead. “I hope I didn’t make things weird. I owe you.”

“It’s alright,” Harry finally meets her eye and realizes it was alright. He could be friends with YN and maybe this could work. “It’s what friends do.”

“Really?” She asks.

He nods. “I’ll help you home from any party.”

“Awww,” she wrings her arms around Harry’s neck and he takes a step back to steady her. He forces his brain to think only friendly thoughts, and not how steady his hand feels on her lower back or how nice her hair smells, as he returns the hug. “That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said.”

She leans back and pats his face. “You’re growing up so much. Look at how much nicer you are.”

Harry blushes and she laughs at him as she runs to catch the bus. He watches the bus wink out of sight and sighs.

It was in part thanks to YN he’s grown so much, she forced him out of his shell and pointed out all the ways his intellect can get in the way of being a nice person. And being out of school helped the rest of the way; Harry’s contemplative on his walk back home.

***

“What about orange juice and biscuits?” Mary asks.

Harry thinks about it before shaking his head, “No. it doesn’t make sense.”

The two were having dinner together in the caf. Ever since the party last month they’ve spent more time together in between classes. They weren’t dating but there was a heavy chemistry between them. Harry didn’t realize, Mary was just waiting for them to make the first move.

“Crisps and jam?”

“Why?” Harry scrunches his face imagining the weird food combination. Mary was reading off an article she was reading when he sat down at her table.

She shrugs, “Apparently it’s moreish.”

Harry liked Mary a lot but he sometimes felt he paled next to her, like if he asked her out and she really got to know him she might not like him as much. So he kept her at arm’s length.

“What’s more-ish is the bile coming up my throat thinking of that.”

“A lot of these are pregnancy cravings!” Mary says. “What do we know?”

“Who’s pregnant?” Flo asks as she sits beside Mary. Mikey joins the table too.

“Nobody’s pregnant,” Harry corrects. “We’re just reading an article.”

“No actually, the computer science prof that everyone hates is pregnant. She’s not teaching next semester anyone who’s interested should take it then.” Flo informs the group.

“Can you imagine?” Mary turns to her. “Being so hated that the one semester you’re not teaching there’s a massive waiting list on your course?”

The group begins to discuss this particular prof and Harry fades into a listener. Mary catches his eye a few times and sends a bright smile his way and Harry keeps it tucked within.

Now a couple months into uni Harry was starting to find a rhythm that he was able to ride. He had more friends than he’s ever had, regularly went to parties and hung out with them, Rod and him were good friends by some way of YN, and uni challenged Harry’s brain in a good way.

Him and YN didn’t hang out very much but he often saw her at parties, in the Newsroom, or if he came back to his dorm while she napped. If had become part of their regular schedule for her to use his dorm to nap and Harry was more than happy to let her. Rod was too—even happier than Harry sometimes.

“Are you going to the Halloween thing Harry?” Mikey asks.

“Huh?” Harry had zoned out. “Uh I think so. Yeah. Why not?”

“Awesome,” Flo says. “We should go together.”

“We’re not doing matching costumed Flo,” Harry says for the tenth time this month.

“Why not?!” She cries. The table becomes noisy again as they argue the same thing they’ve argued since October started. Harry feels at home.

***

Just finished my mid-term, Harry texts Mary. We should celebrate with drinks later.

Yeah after I finish mine later today, would love to. Mary texts back.

Harry smiles at his phone and switches chat to YN.

Are you still at mine?

She doesn’t reply and Harry figures she’s either sleeping or maybe writing a mid-term. He knew she had one later this afternoon—the same class as Mary.

Uni turned out to be a small world, he’d found a few people he already knew in these halls and somehow new friends and old acquaintances had all mingled together.

The good thing was now that he regularly wore contacts and started putting in some effort in how he looked, a lot of his old classmates either walked past him with no recognition or spoke to him like they weren’t the reason he had one friend in secondary.

It still took some adjusting to: here he was, bottom-rung at his old school, asking someone at the top rung if she was still sleeping in his bed. It was mad.

Harry turns the key of his door and freezes at what’s before him.

His roommate Roderick sits on his bed with his back to the wall and someone looking very much like—no it was YN because her jacket lay on his bed, straddling his lap. YN and his roommate were making out.

“What is this?” Harry asks when his senses return. “What’s going on?”

“Oh hey Har,” Rod looks past YN. He was so casual, Harry felt a little crazy at thinking this was a big deal.

“Oh,” YN turns and unhooks her legs from around Rod. “You’re done your exam. How was it?”

Were they insane it was he just a prude? Harry’s roommate was making out with his friend. That regularly crashed in his room. Has this been going on for a while?

“Good. Fine. YN can we talk?” Harry asks.

“Sure,” YN climbs off the bed and fixes her lipstick whilst passing the mirror. Harry nods to the hall and she steps out. “What’s up?”

“What…what’s going on there?”

“What? Rod?”

“Obviously!”

“Oh my god Har, it’s nothing serious we were just making out.”

“For how long?”

“I dunno? Why do you want to know?”

“No like how long have you two been hooking up?”

“We were just making out today why’ve you got your panties in a twist?”

“So this is the first time?”

“No…we made out at a party last week. Anyway I was just studying on your bed after getting a nap in and he walked in. It got flirty, one thing led to another-“

“I’m not comfortable with this.” Harry clenched his teeth. He didn’t know why but it felt wrong they were doing this in his room. After he’d opened it up for her to give her a break from the constant commuting. What if things go sour between them and Rod takes it out on him? What if she ruins the vibe of their dorm?

“Harry,” YN lays a hand on his shoulder with a serious face. “You know I’ve kissed boys before. Done even more than-“

“This isn’t a joke,” Harry brushes her hand off. “I don’t feel comfortable with you doing…that in the room.”

“So now you’re deciding who I can see-“

“No!” Harry shouts a bit too loud and someone on the other end of the hall looks up. “No. You know that’s not what I’m saying. I don’t care who you hook up with YN. Just not in my room with my roommate. Do whatever you want with him at parties but not in my room. I don’t care what you do. Just…not in my room.”

Harry shuts up once he realizes he’s repeating himself. He hopes she understands.

“Fine.” She does her classic move. She shuts down. “I’ll be a devout virgin in your room. Outside I’ll be the wild child I am.”

“YN don’t twist this,” Harry sighs. “Why do you do that?”

“I’ve got an exam in a couple hours.” She opens the door. “I should go.”

“Already?” Rod says as they walk in.

“Harry’s made a request about us,” YN shoots him a look and Harry wants to take that look and throw it back at her. He was going to break it to Rod differently knowing how tenuous the balance of their friendship was. But now she’s just dropped it like a bomb in the middle of their dorm.

“What?” Rod looks at Harry.

Harry flushes but he tries to look at Rod when he tells him, “I think it’s weird you two making out here. You can do that anywhere just not here. My roommate and my friend…it’s weird.”

Rod blinks, Harry thinks he’s zoned out until he shrugs. “Nee bother. I respect it Harry. I’ll catch you out there then YN.”

YN looks between the boys, her hands holding her bag are curled into fists and with one last angry look to Harry she exits the room.

“Doesn’t look like she’s too chuffed with you man.” Rod pipes in from behind.

She wasn’t chuffed with him half the time, Harry was now used to it.

***

The Halloween party is packed like sardines and Harry considers leaving. Mary had come down with a flu and she’d also been avoiding him the last week. Gabe said she’s probably tired of him not doing anything about their mutual crush, Flo thinks she needs space, and YN says she found someone new to fantasize about but Harry thinks the last one is mostly to get under his skin.

Ever since that day in his dorm YN’s gone back to being bristly with Harry. It doesn’t bother him most days but it does frustrate him on a few.

“Harry!” A familiar face waves him down. The party was in off-campus student res and it was decorated like somebody had gone batshit on Amazon. Just walking toward Sophie, Harry had gotten a faceful of smoke, fake cobwebs, and bubbles for some reason.

“Soph! How’s it going?” Harry hadn’t seen Sophie since she quit Newsroom a few weeks ago. With midterms and club deadlines clashing she decided she couldn’t do both and left the club.

“So much better,” her brightened eyes and large smile fixed on her face clued Harry in that she’d already started drinking. “But I miss the Newsroom crew. How is everyone?”

“We’re fine—you know you could still hang out with us? We’re around.”

“Ugh I know,” she sways towards him. “But I feel like I hardly have time to be social. Social. Does that sound weird—so-shul?”

“I think you’re a bit drunk Soph,” Harry points to her cup.

“Oh yeah,” she laughs. “What about you? You don’t even have a drink!”

“I…I was gonna go get one.” Harry lies. He was actually gonna go home.

“Okay! Someone had shots going.”

She grabs his hand and it tingles. She races around until she finds the half-empty vodka and demands Harry do shots with her. He nearly chokes on it and coughs uncontrollably which sets Soph off.

“Are you alright?” She slaps his back harder than she looks like she could. “You need a chaser hold up!”

She disappears behind the table and pulls out lime wedges from god knows where. She instructs Harry how to do it even though he didn’t want any more but she doesn’t relent.

The second time is a lot smoother but Harry realizes he really did not like vodka either.

“Soph! Har! You two know each other?!” Roderick suddenly walks in on them, crashing the two with an arm around both. “Small worlds!”

“Hey Rod,” Soph’s glow dims a little.

“Now what kind of hello is that? And what are you supposed to be?”

“Scream queen right?” Harry asks as Soph says “Scream Queen duh?”

Rod frowns and takes his arms down. “Well I can make you scream, qu-“

“Alright,” Harry and Soph eye each other. Harry has been to enough parties with Rod to know what level of drunk meant what level of no filter. And it was best they left him alone now. “We’ll see you around mate.”

“Thank you,” Soph whispers in his ear as she loops her arm and they walk away.

“What’s going on with you two?” Harry asks. He’s learned enough to know Sophie soured at the sight of him.

“Really?” She asks.

“Really—what?”

“Him and YN were hooking up a few weeks ago. He was just…ekgh.”

“That’s not a word,” Harry laughs.

“I know!” She throws her hands up, one of which holds a knife.

“Alright,” Harry holds his up. “It’s a word.”

She throws her head back and laughs, then wields the knife against his throat.

“Woah, Soph.”

“It’s fake!” She laughs again.

“Yeah thank god,” Harry lowers it and she tumbles into him with the pressure she had put on it.

“Oops,” she smiles up at him. “Hey how d’you know Scream Queens?”

Blood rushes to Harry’s head as she looks up at him through her lashes. Soph was beautiful—she always had been. But tonight she looks particularly beautiful. It could be the vodka. But he wanted to kiss her.

“I watched it over the summer with…” Harry had watched it with YN. This was YN’s friend. Maybe he shouldn’t kiss her.

“Hm?” She inches her arm up and loops it around his neck. Her head tilts to one side and Harry feels the vodka flood his brain while his blood rushes another direction. “You’ve got really nice eyes.”

“So do you.” Harry barely gets out.

“Our babies would have amazing eyes.” She says with complete seriousness. Obviously she was drunk.

“Yeah. Uhm,” Harry tries to push her away. He does, or he tells himself that. But when she stands on the balls of her feet Harry felt it was rude to not meet her halfway. Not press his lips against her strawberry-flavoured plush ones. It felt amazing.

“D’you wanna go somewhere?” She whispers in his ear.

Harry doesn’t want to. He just wants her to shut up so they can keep kissing.

He leads her gently to the wall and continues kissing her, displaying what he’s learned in his two months at uni. And the noises she makes does unspeakable things to Harry.

“C’mon!” She urges to him. “Surely one of the bedrooms are free!”

At the thought his mind clears for a single moment. Should he be doing this? Was his first time really going to be at a Halloween party with Soph?

“I don’t have any-“

“That’s alright!” She tugs him back to her. “Let’s just see where the night takes us.”

“You’ve got to lose the knife though,” Harry says against her lips.

She laughs and tucks it into his back pocket. “Okay?”

Her laugh scatters away the remaining rational thought and he follows her wherever she takes him.

***

“Alright team,” the head of Newspaper stands addressing the crowd. “This has been an incredible year of reporting. I think we’ve done a fantastic job and I want to commend you all on your efforts and time lent to our humble club. Our final edition is going to print today, and the year’s final episode releases this Friday. So do give it a listen. Next year we’ll be back invigorated with more stories to tell. Have a great holiday all!”

Harry’s eyes roam the room, feeling content at being part of this hard-working group.

Despite only a semester on the Newspaper Harry felt really bonded with everyone. The team was big, split into print and podcast and yet despite not knowing everyone, the passion for stories and reporting was palpable. Especially release weeks.

Over the semester Harry had gotten even closer to Florence and Gabriel, it made Newsroom feel even more collaborative. And they often grabbed a bite after Newsroom or they would sometimes go to Gabriel’s and play video games. YN would join occasionally.

YN, only being a first year, was often frustrated being sidelined by seniors. Her friends often heard about it after particular Newsroom meetings. Still, YN on the podcast team made waves and Harry knew because her name was often on a lot of projects or on the lips of a lot of seniors. It made him proud to be her friend, often it reminded him of how he used to think about her. But Newsroom was a perfect example of how they both had separate strengths and how they flourished in each of them. He’s glad he realized that last year.

Harry’s eyes continue to dart to the door, checking his phone. It was weird y/n didn’t show up today when she should have. Especially the final meeting.

When the group goes for dinner in the caf Harry spots their friend Sophie.

What started as hooking up at Halloween ended in a few other hook-ups over the last month or so. Each time Harry felt incredibly guilty but Soph was really nice to him and nice to kiss too. Plus, Mary had stopped hanging out with him without another word and he wasn’t exactly sure what he did for that. So he’d given her space.

“Y/n wasn’t at today’s meeting, shame.” Flo says to Soph. “D’you know where she is?l

“No, that’s strange. I saw her earlier today?” Soph looks at the group.

“Me too,” Gabe adds. “She’s around.”

“Yeah it is strange,” Harry comments. “She’s usually on time, or at least sends us a text if she can’t make it.”

“I hope everything’s okay,” Flo scrunches her brows.

“I’m sure it is.” Sophie reassures her.

She turns to Harry with a secret smile, one hand sliding onto his thigh. “Any plans after this?”

“Oh!” Harry startles as her hand slides higher up his thigh. This was so…public. “Maybe. Uhm. Soph can we talk?”

He’d wanted to talk to her all week but had been so busy with exams. He thought about it a lot and really didn’t think sneaking behind y/n’s back with her friend was right. Especially after he asked her not to hook up with Rod in his room and she stopped.

Sophie shrugs and follows him off to the side.

“We need to talk,” Harry starts, he waves between both of them. “About this.”

“Yeah?” Sophie asks.

“Yeah. And. About Y/n.”

Sophie just notices the serious tone to Harry’s voice. She stops playing with her hair and stands taller. “Okay. What about her?”

Harry takes a deep breath, trying to articulate his thoughts. “I’ve just been thinking with us being her friend, she doesn’t know about us. I don’t want to sneak behind her back give her another reason to have trust issues—she’s been through a lot.”

“Yeah,” Soph agrees. “Y/n’s strong. She’s got like, that tough quiet strength she just exudes it always. I admire that about her.”

Harry nods, a small smile tugging on his lips. “Exactly. She’s really loyal to her friends, and I don’t want to screw anything up. I just…don’t think she’d approve of this.”

Sophie’s eyes soften with understanding. “Oh.”

“What?”

“You…care about her don’t you?”

“Well uhm yeah she’s my friend I-I yeah-“

“Like care about her.” Soph cuts off Harry’s stuttering. He felt like an idiot.

“Uhhh…”

“Be honest,” Soph curls the side of her mouth. “It’s not like we’re dating I don’t like care if you do.”

“Yeah fine. More than I probably should yeah,” he sighs. “But she’s made it clear we’re nothing more than friends. And I’m fine with that but we go way back and she’s helped me though a lot. I just don’t want to lose her. As a friend. But you’re a really great person too Soph I don’t want to lose. And I don’t want it to get complicated here.”

“I get it,” Sophie shrugs. “But it doesn’t have to be complicated. Or a secret. We’re just having fun!”

“Yeah I just don’t want to jeopardize anything.”

Unbeknownst to Harry and Sophie, y/n enters the caf then and spots the two before spotting their usual table. She heads towards Harry and Sophie first, curious as to why they were separated in what looked like an intense discussion.

“Fine. I get it!” Sophie continues.

“I’ve screwed up with her enough.” Harry says as y/n gets within hearing distance. “I hate feeling like I’m walking on egshells around her.”

“YN’s a tough cookie,” Soph agrees. “I’d be scared to be on her bad side.”

“I’ve been on it. Kinda made my life hell. It’s like facing a lion with just a stick.”

“You poor thing,” Soph touches Harry’s cheek and laughs just as her phone vibrates. “Oh that’s Emmy hold on.”

Harry smiles as she steps away but it dies as y/n steps into view.

“Oh y/n…how long-“

“Walking on eggshells? Didn’t realize being around me was such a burden-“

“No y/n that’s not the-“

“Save it Harry,” her eyes flicker with hurt.

“No seriously!” Harry tries to explain. “I wasn’t saying it like that!”

“You compared me to a fucking lion!”

“Let me explain-“

“After everything I told you about me I thought we got each other Har-“ Y/n cuts herself off as her throat closes with tears. She was not the type to cry in front of anyone, especially a boy. She waits for the feeling to subside. “It’s pretty clear where I stand. And by the way, talking me down isn’t going to make you look good with Soph.”

“Y/n please,” Harry feels her slipping away again and he envisions taking her by the shoulder and giving her a good shake. He hated when she did this, like the tides at a beach she retreated so quickly all he was left with was sand. She never left enough time for someone to grab her.

“Just…whatever Harry.”

With that she turns on her heel and walks away, the noise in the caf suddenly comes roaring in on either side of Harry. He wants to turn the volume dial all the way down and run after her but he knows neither are possible.

“What was that?” Sophie reappears.

“She heard the wrong end of our conversation.” Harry says with dread. “I didn’t mean for her to hear it like that. She must think…I don’t even know what she must think.”

“Mmm,” Sophie squeezes Harry’s shoulder. “Just give her space. I’ll ask her what she heard and explain don’t worry. She’ll come around.”

Harry wasn’t so sure.

***

Harry watches as Mary enters the bar and looks around. For a moment he can just be another bloke seeing Mary for the first time wondering what she’s like with her cropped hair and animated brown eyes. He feels his heart picking up speed the longer he watches her—he can’t believe it took him this long to ask her out officially.

Although it wasn’t entirely his fault.

Harry didn’t think Mary would ever be interested in him on a deeper level—he definitely wouldn’t date himself. And when Mary began to make excuses about hanging out last year, Harry took that as a big glaring sign he was right, instead of just asking her outright.

Then there was the tryst with Soph. And the fallout with y/n who cut him out of his life like she was scissors through wrapping paper. Harry acted like it didn’t hurt him but it did; after all the time they spent together he didn’t know how y/n could be so cold with people she called her friends. She didn’t even care about his explanation.

But Harry’s sister had given him an earful one night during Christmas break, about dating the girl he was really into and not being such a coward. It took him a whole month to work up the courage but on Valentine’s Day he’d asked Mary to be his. It was cheesy but she loved it. They’d hung out a few times and last week Harry asked her to be his girlfriend. He was officially in a relationship!

Mary catches his wave from the front and she breaks into her toothy smile that squeezed his heart every time it was directed his way. Falling in love made the whole world feel soppy. Harry’d never experienced something like this; in a world of learning and achievements this was one he felt really proud to get to.

“What are you smiling so hard about?” Mary teases as she reaches him. Harry kisses her and keeps her hand in his as they sit.

“Just this girl, can’t stop thinking about her.”

“Must be a lucky lady,” Mary grins. She was head over heels too.

“Nah I think I’m the lucky one.”

“God,” Mary pulls her hand away and presses them to her blushing cheeks. “You’re damn charming when you want to be Harry.”

That wasn’t a word anyone would ever use to describe him. Yet Harry feels over the moon to hear it. Here was proof he was changing—he was finally growing up.

The new couple have a few drinks with their food, they talk about school, friends, and the upcoming Easter Break.

“I’m heading home too,” Mary was originally from Liverpool. “My mum’s sister’s coming in from Australia for Easter. She’s got these little rascals I haven’t seen in years so I’ll have to see how big they’ve gotten now.”

“Are those the rascals who stole your Taylor Swift poster?”

“Signed poster,” Mary corrects him. “And yes. As payback because I caught then stealing their dad’s smokes. It’s been 3 years and I still haven’t gotten that back.”

“You really think they kept it?”

“Well we’re gonna find out,” Mary grinds her knuckles into the palm of her other hand. “I’m older and stronger now I can take them.”

Harry laughs, he loved seeing Mary when she was joking like this. Otherwise she was a bit like him when it came to studying and being serious.

“Well you’ve got a boyfriend now. I’ll make the trip if it means getting that poster back.”

“Would you!?” Mary reaches out to him. “That’s actually so sweet.”

Harry’s chest fills with warmth as she kisses him, and that sparks a different hunger. They pay their tab and head out hand in hand back to his dorm.

Rod isn’t in and they take advantage of that.

Roderick and Harry had continued their friendship despite y/n disappearing from his dorm. They’d gotten to the point where Harry declined a couple parties and Rod didn’t take it personally, and Harry actually helped Rod out with some of his studies. They worked out together and there was a better balance.

He did see y/n at parties sometimes. A couple times with Rod too. He tried to talk to her the first couple times but she always danced away just as he got to her. So he stopped trying. She was frustrating.

“Hey,” Mary kisses his jaw. “Where’d you go?”

“Sorry,” Harry had gotten lost in his head again. “I think Rod’s gonna be back soon-“

“Oh,” Mary sighs. “Okay. My roommate’s a shut in, too bad we can never go to mine.”

“If I asked him to not come home he wouldn’t,” Harry realizes Mary wanted to cross some bases too late. He really should stick to being in his body more often. He should have messaged Rod as soon as they headed here.

“Maybe next time,” Mary smiles sweetly. She wipes the side of Harry’s lips with her thumb, that’s when he realizes she was wearing lipstick. It was a subtle colour but not as much when it’s smeared on her chin. Something about seeing it like that feels endearing to him.

“Until then,” he pulls her back to him and kisses her hard, she responds in kind. Just as Harry slips his hand below her tee the doorknob jiggles. He sighs, “Fuck.”

“It’s alright,” Mary whispers below him. “That was fun.”

He peers back down at her, her lipstick is even worse but she’s looking up at him like she’s seeing him for the first time. Note to self show Mary how much I like her, Harry realizes.

This time he uses his thumb to swipe at the smudged lipstick. She smiles at him like he hung the stars.

***

Harry would have taken the train home last night to avoid the crowds but it was his last day with Mary before being apart for 2 weeks and he wanted to make the most of it. So now he pays the consequences with a packed train and barely any leg room.

The guy next to him plays some video game on his phone, the person across from that guy is already napping with her mouth open. Harry waits to see who takes the seat across and his heart drops when they finally take the seat and look up at him.

“For fuck’s sake,” she mutters.

Y/n. Of course it would be her. She’s cut her hair since the last time he saw her—now she has a fringe and he’s pretty sure layers with how much they flick outwards from her face.

“Y/n,” Harry greets her. This was going to be one long train ride. Although he wasn’t sure what she was doing here—did she move on campus this semester?

“Harry…” she says with a studied coolness.

“Nice to see you.”

“Is it?” She asks. “Look I’ll just find another-“

She gets up but Harry’s faster. He stretches out his long leg to block the corridor. She’s stuck within the 4-seater.

“What are you doing?”

“Keeping you in,” Harry says with a small smile. She would be forced to sit in front of him, he would finally be able to get her to talk.

“Harry don’t be so immature move your leg.”

“That’s your seat just take it y/n.” He motions to it.

“Harry!” She tries to climb over it but Harry just raises his leg and it throws her off balance. She nearly falls backwards but Harry springs up fast enough to balance her. That’s how he finds himself standing in her personal space, one hand on her lower back and the other clutching her arm.

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

“Get. Off of me.” She replies.

He lets her go and she actually sits back down. Harry glances around and flushes as he realizes everyone around them had started staring.

“Nice hair,” Harry tries again as the train leaves the station. By then they’d been sitting in silence for at least 15 minutes.

“Yeah. Whatever.” Y/n brushes her bangs.

“So are you on campus now?” Harry continues casually.

This both surprises and irritates y/n. Usually he was very sensitive to when she was being a bitch to him, but now it seemed he was getting some enjoyment out of talking to her despite her attempt at staying cold; something had changed with him.

“No.” She answers as clipped as possible.

“So you’re taking the train home today because…”

“God Harry,” y/n sighs. “I had my last exam and stayed out too late. Now stop asking me questions like I’m in a bloody interview. Leave me alone!”

“Isn’t that what I’ve been doing the last couple months,” Harry grumbles. The look she gives him could cut him in half.

She studies him, what’s changed she wonders. He still didn’t meet her eye completely but he was challenging her a lot more. She wouldn’t have minded it as much if she wasn’t recovering from a killer hangover.

“So won’t be hard to continue.” She glares.

And that’s how the remaining hour or so is spent sitting across from his friend or ex-friend, whatever. In silence. Apart from a few glances her way he buries his nose in his book and texts Mary as she boards her own train.

Of course, they get off on the same platform and when Harry’s mum catches sight of y/n she insists on giving her a ride home since y/n was just going to take the bus. The two of them sit in silence as Harry’s mum asks them a dozen questions. The ride ends with an invite for dinner and a non-committal yes from y/n.

“You guys get into a fight or something?” Harry’s mum asks as they drive to their home.

“Or something,” Harry mumbles.

“It was like the the bloody DMZ in here.”

Harry shrugs. “It’s just y/n being y/n.”

“I saw her a couple weeks ago at M&S,” Harry’s mum continues. “She didn’t look so good I offered her a ride but she said she was waiting for her sister to finish her shift. D’you know what’s going on with her?”

Harry thought about it but couldn’t think of a single thing. Y/n kept her cards very close to her chest.

“No. She doesn’t share much.”

“Well do you ask?”

“No but even if I did she would just shut me out,” Harry suddenly feels defensive.

“It’s still nice to be asked,” his mum says. “Knowing someone cares enough.”

Harry looks at his mum, the words she’s saying makes sense. But it surprises him to hear them and realize just how much it made sense. How come he’s never realized that?

Maybe he was a shittier friend than he realized.

So Harry gives it a few days and shows up at y/n’s house. This time he knew exactly where to find her.

“You are?” One of y/n’s brothers answers the door. He was a couple years older than them.

“Harry I uh-is y/n home?”

“Maybe,” his brother continues to scrutinize Harry until he squirms. “Wait here.”

He waits for an eternity, sitting down on the stoop while he does. Finally the door opens behind him and y/n joins him on the stoop.

She’s in a blue sweater and pyjama pants. Harry’s surprised to see little powerpuff girls all over them. His sister used to watch that Friday evenings.

“What’re you doing here?”

“I just want to talk y/n,” Harry had practiced looking her in the eye. Just talking to her like a friend. He looks at her now. “You’ve been icing me out for months now it’s unfair. Sophie told me she told you what we were talking about, how you walked in when it sounded wrong and you’re still mad about it?”

She stares at him for a beat before sighing.

As she exhales she grows smaller in front of him until she’s drooped over, her arms circle her knees, and her head rests atop them—she’s the size of a pumpkin.

“I’m not mad at that,” she admits. “Sophie explained you didn’t mean it like that. I was more offended just at the fact that you two were talking about me. But I didn’t realize you two were close…”

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that-“

“That,” she cuts him off. “Is mostly why I was upset with you. You made such a big deal that I was hooking up with Rod meanwhile you were banging one of my friends? Behind my back?”

“We weren’t-I wouldn’t say bang-“

“Doesn’t matter Har!” Y/n sits up again and Harry feels the clouds break for a sec as she uses his nickname. “That wasn’t a great way to find out. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Harry didn’t know. Or he did: he didn’t think him and Soph were going to be more than a one time thing and when it was, he was ashamed a bit. He didn’t think he would go to college and have a casual relationship as his first one. It wasn’t something he necessarily wanted public knowledge.

“Maybe I was scared. I dunno. I just know I’m really sorry.”

They sit in silence for a few seconds, Harry hears the hoover turn on in yn’s house.

“Why’ve you got to be so fucking honest for,” y/n finally says with a sigh. “Makes it so hard to be mad at you when you’re all sincere and vulnerable.”

“Sorry,” Harry repeats.

“Stop it!” YN exclaims.

“Fine!” Harry’s heart pounds. “I don’t give a fuck about how you felt. Happy?”

Y/n freezes and slowly turns to stare at him. A smile ever so slowly tugs at the corner of her lips. She almost looks proud?

“Harry!” She grins. Then she punches him square in the bicep. Then gasps. “Have you been working out?”

Harry had been; in between class and clubs and dating, he started working out last winter with Rod.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me y/n,” Harry jokes and y/n snorts. The two look at each other at the sound of it before bursting out in laughter.

“I don’t know where that came from!” Y/n says through laughter. “I literally snorted!”

“You sounded like Peppa Pig,” Harry also has tears in his eyes. He missed hanging out with y/n.

Once they get ahold of their laughter Harry bumps his shoulder into hers. “It’s nice you’re talking to me again.”

She looks like she wants to say something to Harry, her eyes grow intense as she fixes onto him, her chin wobbling, but then it passes. Harry ignores the spark of disappointment.

“Yeah we’ll see.” She says with a half smile.

All was right in the world again, Harry thought.

He should have known, though, being friends with y/n would never be that simple.

*

TAGLIST: hmu if you want to be added

[fictional-apologistt]

let’s talk about One Direction

ONE DIRECTION RANT!!

(this is just my opinion, let me know yours in the comments!) ♥︎

—————————————————

One Direction was, and still is, one of the most popular boy bands in history. There’s a reason for that: a group of talented, charismatic young men who could sing remarkably well and release hit after hit. For many people, myself included, One Direction was an essential part of our childhoods. We grew up with their music, their personalities, and the excitement of each new album, tour, and interview. It’s an experience that shaped a generation—something the newer generation might not fully understand or ever get to experience in the same way.

As fans, it’s natural to have a favorite member or two. We connect with each band member in different ways and might think one has a stronger voice or a unique style. This is true in any group, whether it’s a band, a cast of a TV show, or a sports team—we have favorites. That doesn’t mean we dislike the others or think they lack talent. The same goes for One Direction. Fans might lean towards Harry, Louis, Zayn, Niall, or Liam for different reasons, but it’s the combination of all five that made the band special in the first place.

Over the years, there’s been plenty of debate about who has the “best” voice or is the most talented. While some members may have a vocal range or style that stands out in certain songs, it doesn’t make one better than the others. Each member—Zayn, Louis, Harry, Niall, and Liam—brought something unique to every song. Whether it was Zayn’s high notes, Louis’ emotional tone, Harry’s powerful vocals, Niall’s warm voice, or Liam’s versatility, each voice was crucial to the band’s sound.

Today, Harry is undeniably the most commercially successful and widely recognized member, with a solo career that has propelled him to incredible heights. He currently has the highest number of Spotify monthly listeners at around 48.5 million, followed by Zayn at 27.6 million, Niall at 15.1 million, Liam at 11.7 million, and Louis at 3.1 million. While Harry’s success is well-deserved, it’s unfortunate that his achievements sometimes overshadow the others. All of them are incredibly talented and have made their own mark, both as solo artists and as members of One Direction.

It’s okay to have a favourite. But it’s also important to recognise that One Direction wouldn’t have been the global phenomenon it became without each of them—Louis, Niall, Liam, Zayn, and Harry. Each member played an irreplaceable role in creating the songs and experiences we loved.

A lot of the fans were and are girls. The media’s focus on Harry, especially during their time together, did play a part in making him more visible, calling him a womaniser at 16 years old, which is absolutely disgusting and young Harry never deserved that label.

This attention wasn’t always fair to him, and it took attention away from the contributions of the other members.

Additionally, when you listen to a lot of One Direction’s songs, you’ll notice that Harry’s voice often stands out during the choruses. This isn’t because he’s trying to outshine the others—far from it. It’s likely an artistic or production choice made to make the song sound cohesive. The slightly louder presence of Harry’s voice, especially in the chorus, might unconsciously draw people to his vocals. Over time, this likely contributed to his increased popularity and set the stage for his successful solo career.

However, it’s unfortunate that the voices of the other members were sometimes overlooked because of this approach. I have observed that in many of their songs, it was more common to hear Harry, leading to a perception that some voices were “better” than others. Yet each member’s voice had something unique to offer, and every fan could connect to different qualities of their singing. Take, for example, the song No Control from their FOUR (Deluxe) album. In this track, you can clearly hear Louis’ vocals during the chorus, and it makes the song distinct. His voice brings a raw, emotional quality that many fans love. Another clip that has resurfaced is Liam hitting the You and I high note, and doing it well. This shows how much potential the other members had when given the chance to shine.

Unfortunately, One Direction’s management reportedly played a big role in these decisions. There are documented moments where certain members’ microphones were turned down or even turned off. One infamous clip shows Niall’s mic being turned off by management during a live performance, which prevented him from singing certain parts. Myself have noticed that without Niall’s or Louis’ voices, the songs lacked a certain balance and harmony that made the band special. Similarly, there’s a clip of Louis’ microphone cutting out mid-performance, and the song doesn’t sound quite right without his vocal input. These moments highlight the importance of each member’s voice to the overall sound of the band.

In live shows, it’s evident how much each member’s vocals contribute when they sing together. The tech crew and management likely had to adjust microphone levels to highlight certain voices at different times, which is common in the music industry to enhance the overall performance. However, these choices sometimes led to Niall, Louis, Liam and even Zayn being overshadowed by Harry’s vocals. This wasn’t a reflection of anyone’s individual talent; it was simply how management or producers chose to structure the songs.

It’s also worth noting that choosing who sings which part is a normal part of the music production process. In any band, it’s common for certain members to be assigned particular parts that best suit their vocal strengths, just as actors are cast in roles that align with their talents. For One Direction, this often meant that Harry, with his powerful voice and broad appeal, sang prominent parts, while Louis’ unique tone and Niall’s warm vocals added essential layers in other sections. This doesn’t diminish the other members’ contributions; rather, it reflects the decisions made to create a cohesive final product.

In the end, One Direction was a blend of five unique voices and personalities, each member bringing a special touch that made the band unforgettable. They weren’t just background singers for one standout star. Every voice was essential, and the magic of One Direction came from the harmony of their combined talents.

At the end of the day, One Direction was a band, a collective experience that connected us as fans and changed music history. The band’s magic was in its mix of voices, personalities, and the bond between them. And no matter where each member’s path takes them, fans will always remember that One Direction was truly something extraordinary because of all five members together.

PART 2 COMING

[quietferns]

[heyangel28]

𝐁𝐮𝐭, 𝐃𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐈 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐇𝐢𝐦!

Prince!Harry x Princess!OC

Warnings: None x

Based on the song ‘But Daddy I Love Him’ by Taylor Swift

A/N: This is probably my favourite trope/genre so why not bring a kind of cocky Harry and Emily into it as well. This has not been proof read and so please mind any spelling or grammar mistakes. I apologise. Anyways enjoyyyy xx

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐄𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐚 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐡 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐫; 𝐁𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐧 𝐎𝐚𝐤𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝟐𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟓𝟏𝟔.

(Somewhere in the neighbouring kingdom: 1536)

I wander through the village, my cloak concealing my delicate dress as I blend in with the crowd as best as possible. A princess of all people being spotted outside her palace would cause alarm and in no time would I be whisked back away to my castle. I hated it there, locked away in the stone walls only dreaming of exploring the far away places I saw outside my bedroom window, so here I was at daybreak wandering alone through the village in disguise.

I take my time to peer at some intricate pieces of jewellery in awe, shining splashes of silvers and golds with dainty gems and diamonds of all sorts. I turn and head to walk back up the path and immediately I’m met with a hard surface of a white horse, making me fall backwards against the stones as I let out a small yelp.

The horse snorts in surprise at the sudden, and not so soft, impact and jerks his head back in alarm.

“Woah, woah! Easy there!” I hear the sound of reigns being pulled and a pair of brown, leathered boots hitting the pebbled ground.

“Are you alright?” A hand comes in front of my face and I look up into a pair of bright green eyes.

I pull myself up on my own, ignoring the hand.

“I’m fine.” I mutter as I brush myself off and pull my hood back over my head as I turn to look at the man who seemingly knocked me over with his horse. He was tall, with brown curls protruding in all directions and ending just below his ears, his eyes sparkled green in the sunlight with a charming smile. Immediately I could tell he was royalty. He lowers his hand at my reaction and after a moment of silence he speaks.

“That’s good to hear. I apologize for Caesar. He doesn’t like surprises,” He looks over to the horse who was still slightly shaken by the collision. Once he’s calm, he turns his gaze back towards me.

“I can tell.” I say bluntly as I stand up straight.

He stares me once over and for a moment I could feel my heart beat a little faster but I brush it off.

“Is there a name that goes with that tongue of yours?” I can tell his curiosity is peaked, I assume it’s not always he’s had someone be so blunt with him.

“Not one that concerns you.”

“Well no name and no manners, I feel honoured to have met such a charming young woman.” He gives a mocking bow.

I ignore him and continue on my way around the stalls, lifting everything up and turning it over, a clear indication of my ignorance.

“I noticed the way you were admiring the trinkets in those stalls a moment ago, do you like jewelry?” He asks, suddenly keeping up with my stride as he walks beside me.

“Might I teach you that if a woman walks away it does not mean keep talking.” I say over my shoulder as I continue to walk along.

“Are you always this rude?” He quips in response.

“Only to men who knock me over with their horses.”

“Ahh I see, I apologise once again.” He exclaims, now standing right in front of me as we reach the outer wall of the village. An iron gate stood between us and the outside world. “What more can I do for you?”

“How about you move out of my way so I can go home?” I smile sarcastically and gesture towards the gate behind him.

“Oh.” He steps aside to let me past and I slip past him and through the gate, heading up the path.

“Wait, when can I see you again?” He calls after me.

I turn to face him as I walk backwards up the path, for the first time in our conversation I smile a genuine smile.

“Hopefully never.” I call back with a laugh and turn my heel, running up the hill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sit perched on my windowsill with a small breeze blowing through my hair and night dress as I stare out at the estate. The sun just starting to set and it looked like a storm was rolling in.

“Emily, we need to talk.” My mothers voice sounds through my room and I snap myself out of my trance and turn to face her as she stands in my doorway.

“Mother?”

She takes a deep breath and strides over to me. Her hair tied up in its usual pattern but her face seemed paler than always. She takes a seat on the bed and pats it, gesturing for me to join her. I do so.

She takes my hands in hers and looks at me.

“My darling, I’m sure you’ve noticed in the past weeks we’ve received quite a few letters from…different kingdoms.” She says slowly, as if choosing her words carefully.

“Now, you aren’t going to be surprised when I say we’ve received an offer for you to marry.” She says. I had a feeling this was coming. I jump up from the bed.

“What?!” I exclaimed.

My mother gets up as well, crossing her arms and looking at me with her usual stern look. “Emily. You knew this was coming.”

She says, “Your father and I are old, and we would like to pass the thrown down to our heirs…and to do that you need to get married.” She says, taking a step closer to me.

“No, I can’t-I won’t!”

“Emily!” My mother snaps, causing me to flinch. In a softer tone she steps closer, taking one of my hands in hers.

“Darling, I know you have your own life and desires, but don’t forget your duties as our daughter and future queen. You’re not a little girl anymore, you’re a woman,”

I open my mouth to speak but she silences me with a squeeze of my hand. “A beautiful, smart, wonderful woman. Your future partner will be a fortunate man.”

“But I don’t want to get married! I know this is what you want for me, for our kingdom but I just can’t do it,” I begin.

“I don’t want to live in a world of royalty, I want to be free! I don’t want to carry on the legacy of every generation of woman before me. That might’ve been what you wanted mother but I…just…can’t.”

A mix of surprise and disappointment flashes in her eyes. “Are you...refusing to accept a proposal from any of the kingdoms? You refuse to do your duty?” She says, raising her voice.

“I want to be free!” I snap. “Is that so much to ask?”

My mother’s expression hardens. This was the sternest I’d ever seen her, angrier than ever before. “Yes,” she says firmly.

“This is not a request or an option. You will accept a proposal from a worthy man. It is time you stopped being a selfish child who refuses to grow up and accept her responsibilities.” And with that the door slams shut as she storms out my room.

I collapsed onto my bed in tears. This isn’t the life I want. I bury my face into a pillow to muffle my sobs. Of course she was right, I was a spoiled, selfish princess. But deep down, there was a part of me that knew I wasn’t happy being held to these expectations. I wanted to be free. My heart ached at the thought of being married away and forced to be someone’s wife.

Just at that moment, it started to rain heavily outside and thunder rumbled in the distance.

I gather my things and without even grabbing a jacket I exit the castle, running through the grounds and out towards the forest on the other side of town, tears still streaming down my face although you wouldn’t be able to tell with the rain soaking my skin.

I slow down to a fast paced walk once I get to the woods and I suddenly realise the mistake I had made, the woods at this time of night were dangerous, who knew the kind of creatures that were pacing the floors and skies in this storm. The cold and wet was getting to me now as I wrap my arms around myself to keep me warm. It didn’t help that I had come straight into contact with a horse again, but this time I fall back into the mud.

“That’s the second time today!” I mutter angrily before looking up and realising who I was staring at. No, it can’t be.

“You seem to make it a habit of falling over in front of me it seems.” He yells over the rain with that cocky smirk of his. His dark curls falling down in front of his face from the wet but his green eyes still as bright as ever.

“And you seem to make it a habit to make my life more miserable wherever I go.” I yell up at him in return, not even bothering to get up out the mud.

“Now that’s just hurtful. And here I thought we were friends.” He says with a playful pout, dismounting from his horse to help me up. I take his hand and pull myself up from the mud.

“Who said we were friends?”

“I don’t know, I was just being optimistic.” He shrugs. “So, want to explain what you’re doing out here in the rain? Besides being reckless, that is?”

“It’s none of your business.” I stand myself up straight and wrap my arms around me in the cold.

His eyes scan over my form, seeing that I was shivering. My soaked dress stuck to my body from the rain.

“You’re shivering. You must be freezing.” He comments, starting to take his own jacket off, his white undershirt dipping slightly to show off his collarbones. I watch him for a moment, confused by his actions.

He drapes his jacket over my shoulders, the size of it practically swallowing me up whole.

“There. That should help,”

“If you must know, I was running away.” I say quietly after a moment as I pull the jacket further over me.

He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Running away from something or to something?” He asks, keeping a casual tone. He starts guiding me towards his horse, putting a gentle hand on the small of my back.

“To anything.”

I lean my hands on the horses side just gently stroking his warm coat while he gets back on the saddle. He reaches out a hand towards me.

“Get on, I’ll take you somewhere warm.”

“I’ve never…”

“Never what?” He interrupts. “Ridden a horse before?”

I just stare up at him. He hums to himself, considering this information. “Well, don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to you, alright?” He says with a smirk, grabbing me by the waist and hoisting me up on the horse in front of him. My breath hitches as I feel his arms around my waist when he grabbed the reigns. He gives a quick pull at them and the horse goes running off into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After some time we end up at a small cottage on the edge of the forest, lights visible from within. I jump down from Caesar, with the help of a hand.

“Come on, let’s get you out of the rain and into some dry.”

I look around at the tiny cottage, smoke already billowing from the brick chimney.

“Do you live here?” I ask as I hop down off the horse. He chuckles and shakes his head.

“This is my hunting cabin.” He replies leading me towards the cottage. “There should be some dry clothes inside.”

I go to open the front door for her, revealing a modest-yet-cosy space within. I lead her over to a small bed, where a pile of clothes had recently been placed seemingly before I arrived. Was he expecting someone else other than me.

“There’s a towel in the bathroom if you want to dry up.” I gesture to an opened door next to the bed with a bathroom inside as he begins to light a fire in the huge fireplace in the centre of the room.

“Thank you…” I trail off, looking for a name or at least something to call him and his generosity.

“It’s Harry.” He laughs lightly.

“Well thank you Harry, for…saving me from the rain.”

“Anytime. Now go get changed, I’ll give you some privacy.” He says as he stokes the fire he had started.

~~~~~~~~~~

A couple minutes later I walk back out, a large undershirt covering my body with my wet hair tied back and out of my face. He stares at me his mouth open agape.

“The trousers you gave me didn’t fit. I hope you don’t mind.”

He shakes his head as if shaking off a thought or feeling.

“You looks good, why would I mind?”

“Good.” I smile and make my way over to the fireplace, taking a seat in front of it and almost immediately warning up.

He follows suit and sits next to me on the floor, our shoulders practically touching. I let my eyes wander over the dancing, orange flames.

“You know, I don’t ever remember getting your name,” He mutters, bumping his shoulder against mine.

“That’s because I didn’t give you it.” I say bluntly.

He huffs out a small laugh.

“I’ve told you mine, I think it’s time you return the courtesy.” He says with a smirk.

I scoff and for a moment I think it over.

“Emily.” I say after a beat and turn to look at him.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to officially meet you, Emily” He says with another smirk, clearly enjoying the way my name sounded leaving his lips.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” He comments, his eyes raking over me again.

I roll my eyes and turn back to the fire.

“Are you always this…arrogant?”

“What can I say?” He shrugs. “It’s just me, I can’t help it.” He chuckles, a cocky look in his eyes.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman like you before. You don’t swoon or coo over me, or get all nervous or flustered like most girls do. You’re different from the rest of them.”

“I take pride in the fact that you see me that way.”

“You’re bold, fiery, stubborn…” He begins.

“Most guys are intimated by a girl like that, but I respect it. I like a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to express it.”

I look down at the fire, staring into the flames with a hint of sadness in my eyes.

“I’m to be married.” I admit suddenly.

“You know? Wedded off to a man to create offspring suitable for the throne.”

“I see.” He hums. “Have they picked him out for you yet?” He asks curiously.

“I’m not sure, throughout my entire life I’ve been met with courtier after courtier. I’ve turned down every single one.” I answer.

He lets out a huff of amusement.

“Let me guess. You don’t want to be someone’s wife?”

“I don’t want to be someone’s legacy.”

“So what do you want?” He clears his throat.

I sigh.

“I want to be free to make my own choices, in who I love, who I marry. I want to explore the world first, see all the sights I’ve only ever dreamed of outside my window. I don’t want to carry on the pattern of my mother and every other woman in my family before her.”

He stares at me for a moment as I gather up my words to say.

“Run away.”

“What?”

“Run away with me.”

“What?!”

“Run away with me, leave everything behind and explore the world with me. You’ll have your freedom to make your own choices, to go where you want.” He begins.

“Just say the word and I’ll take you anywhere. Paris, Rome, Venice, everywhere. Name it and I’ll take you there.”

“I only just met you!” The shock is evident on my face as if the idea was preposterous to me.

“So?” He exclaims in response, not ready to give up.

“We’ll learn about each other as we travel. We’ll fall in love, I know it. Don’t you want the freedom you’ve just talked about?”

I think everything over for a moment, the words ‘love’ and ‘travel’ ringing in my head. I knew what I wanted and this was my chance.

“Okay.” I look back over at him. “I’ll do it.” I stupidly agree.

Without hesitation, he reaches over and takes my hand in his, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to my knuckles.

“You won’t regret this, I promise. I’ll give you the world.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning the storm had passed, I had woken up early and decided to take a stroll through the woods nearby, collecting food and a couple flowers. Once I made it back I sat down beside the tree in which Caesar was tied too and began to read a book I had found. Caesar neighing happily at my attention as I fed him an apple.

Suddenly I feel a pair of hands over my eyes and a voice whisper lowly in my ear, immediately I knew who it was.

“Morning.”

I let a laugh and pull his hands away from my eyes.

“Do you have a habit of sneaking up on people?”

Harry smirks and sits down beside me under the tree.

“Only cute ones,” He chuckles, leaning against the bark. “What are you reading?” He asks, leaning in a little closer.

I turn the book over in my hands, peering at the front cover. “Arthur and the round table.”

“Ah, of course. King Arthur,” He says with a smirk, watching me turn the cover over in my hands. “I always liked that story. The noble knight, out to save the damsel in distress,” He nudges his shoulder slightly with mine.

“It’s a good story.” I tease, closing the book over and placing it on the grass next to the flowers and the berries which seem to catch his eye as he decides to reach down and pick one up.

“You know, I once heard that berries taste sweeter when they’re fed to you from somebody else.” He murmurs casually, bringing the berry up to his lips as his eyes lock onto mine, waiting for a reaction.

“Really? And who told you that?”

He slowly pops the berry into his mouth, no doubt making a show of it.

“Some old legend,” He shrugs nonchalantly, before leaning in a little closer and grabbing another berry. “They say that when a guy feeds a girl a berry, it’s supposed to mean something,” He brings the berry up to my lips, holding it just in front of my mouth. “Try it.”

I roll my eyes and lean forward taking a bite from the end of the berry. He smirks.

“How is it? Sweeter right?”

“A little.” I answer, still chewing.

“Just a little?”

“It’s sweeter but with a more…fresh kind of flavour.” I explain.

“Fresh? What’s it remind you of?”

“Like the air after a storm, or the sound of birds chirping in the early morning.” I explain.

He watches me with a smile and I notice his gaze drift down to my lips. Now suddenly very aware of myself I stop talking.

“This is wrong.” I admit, shaking my head.

“Why is it wrong?” He mutters, his eyes still trailing over my face. “Because you’re a princess? Because you’re engaged? Why is it wrong?” He repeats.

“Because we only just met. I barely know anything about you and you barely know anything about me.”

“We’ll learn about each other,” He whispers, his breath tickling my face.

I don’t know why I feel so nervous around him, I’ve never experienced this before. Let alone with a man I just met. It takes every inch of my being to not get closer.

“So why won’t you tell me?” I murmur.

“You’re relentless, aren’t you,” He chuckles.

“Fine.” He sighs, not taking a single hair of distance between us. “Ask me something.”

“Favourite colour?” I blurt out suddenly.

“Blue, what’s yours?”

“White.” I answer.

“Why’s that?”

“It reminds me of innocence, the snow and last nights dress.”

“I like that.” He smiles. “Ask me another.”

“Favourite food?” I ask.

He thinks for a moment before replying.

“Steak. With a side salad.” He steals another glance at my lips. “Boring I know.”

I laugh.

“Not boring. Sophisticated.”

“God save.” He teases with a smile.

I think for a moment, thinking over my next question as he urges closer.

“Have you ever been in love before?” I ask quietly.

In asking this, he pauses for a second and I can see his eyes drop down to the ground. Maybe that was too far?

“Once.” He admits hesitantly. “I was in love once.”

“Tell me about her.” I urge.

He hesitates for a second longer.

“Her name was Danielle,” He admits quietly. “She was beautiful…the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. She was so smart and so kind…”

He trails off for a second before continuing. “She was everything I’ve ever wanted in a girl. But….we were different. We didn’t make the right people. She couldn’t love me the way I loved her.”

I feel my heart drop for a moment as if hurting for him.

“I’m so sorry…” I whisper.

He shakes his head slightly, not daring to look away from me.

“Don’t be,” He smiles, my heart clenching again when I see the sadness in his face. “It wasn’t her fault. We….we loved each other….but we weren’t right for each other. We made each other worse. We brought out the worst in each other.”

His eyes flutter shut for a second as if recalling the memories. I lean over to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“She didn’t deserve you.” I say quietly.

He sighs.

“What about you? Have you ever been in love?” He asks suddenly.

“No, never.” I admit.

His face seems shocked, as if I’ve never been held or touched or kissed.

“Not even a first love?”

“Not even a first love,” I confirm. “My parents believe that you have to be pure before you can marry. I’ve never experienced romance, none of it.” I explain.

“I guess I just…am so terrified of what love entails. I’ve heard so many stories of people who’s hearts have been broken and I just never wanted to risk it.”

He stares at me deep in thought and I knew he felt sorry for me and I hated it.

“Maybe it’s worth the risk.” He whispers quietly after a moment. “Maybe the pain you’ll feel is worth the love too?”

“I really hope it is.”

“I’ll show you, I’ll show you what it really feels like to be in love. If only you’ll let me.” He reaches out and places his hand on my cheek, pulling me even closer to the point where my breath halters and my words go numb in my mouth. He knows what he’s doing, he knows he’s tempting me, tempting me to go against my parents wishes. To fall in love with a man I shouldn’t.

“Do it.” I urge and before I can even catch my breath and gain any self control he pulls me by the back of my neck and out lips meet and it was as if fireworks sparked in my mind. So this is what love feels like?

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐧𝐝 𝐱𝐱

[hotforharrysheart]

Permanent Love Part 1

“They’ll be here any minute, and when we tell them what we have planned it's gonna be a super rush. The girls and I wanna take Helen to shop tomorrow and visit the spa for nails and toes...and..."

"Baby, you can do this, take a deep breath," he runs his hand under your breast, "how's this feelin'?" You lay your head back on his shoulder, "It's good." He kisses down your neck and grinds his hips into your bum, "Show me again?"

"Harry! This’ll be the 5th time this morning!"

"Come on baby, wanna see my mark." You turn slightly and he pulls up your shirt to expose your newly inked skin. He leans forward and kisses the bee then traces his initials, "I love ya so much" he mumbles against your skin.

"Mmmm, Harry..." you moan as he works his way up to your nipple. He attaches his mouth and starts nibbling and the doorbell rings.

He sighs and leans his forehead to your collarbone. “Guess this’ll hafta wait,” he says pulling back and tugging your shirt down.

You sigh as his fingers graze your breast as he tugs your shirt down. “Ugh! If we just had 15 minutes…” you say, lip sticking out in a pout.

“Bu’ we don’, s’lets go,” he says, pulling away from you and going to the door and adjusting himself along the way. He was happy to see them, of course he was, but he’s cursing the timing. He smiles his most charming smile and opens the door to greet the Chapmans.

“Harry!” Helen gushes reaching for his face to kiss.

“Hey Helen, It’s nice ta see ya! Ya doin’ alrigh’?” he says as she kisses his cheeks.

“Harry.” Ron says shaking his hand and patting his back.

“How was ya flight?” Harry asks as he welcomes them into the foyer.

“It was beautiful,” Helen says looking around, “Where’s my sweet, sweet girl?”

“I’m here, I’m here,” you say coming into the room wiping your hands on a tea towel. Looking around you see your laptop is open to Hayley’s lingerie store, to a particularly, uh-hum, scandalous look, and you slap the top down quickly.

“Mwah, Mwah,” you kiss her cheeks and greet Ron with a hug.

Cal brings in their bags and nods as he backs out the door. “Thank Cal!” Harry hollars, “See ya tomorrow night, yeah?” Harry says with a smile. Cal has been invited to the surprise vow renewal you have planned for Ron and Helen. They’re here to celebrate their 45th anniversary and after Helen had casually told you and Harry they hadn’t really had a wedding ceremony all those years ago, you two had cooked up an opportunity for them to have a vow renewal ceremony out by the pool at sunset the day after the show. You and the girls had big plans for Helen including a new dress and some time at the spa and Harry had planned to take Ron out to get a new suit and visit Darren’s favorite cigar bar. Ron and Helen meant the world to you both, they took such good care of you at the pink cottage; it was time to give back to them, something special, something memorable and romantic. It was time for them to have not only a couple of nights at Harry’s, no, your’s and Harry’s (that will never feel normal) villa alone, but also time to give them a wedding ceremony for the books.

You let out a breath and squeeze Helen in a tight hug.

“I’ll take ya ta ya rooms an’ let ya settle in an’ then we can all go to a late lunch wi’ ma mum an’ her boyfriend, Darren. They’re anxious ta meet ya.”

“I’m so glad you’re both here,” you tell them squeezing their hands. “We’ve got some surprises planned,” you say, smiling slyly.

“Oh dear lord, we don’ need any surprises, love. We’re just happy ta be here wi’ you two an’ finally see Harry in action,” Helen tells you.

“I know but we wanted to. It’s your 45th anniversary and we want it to be special!” You tell them.

You follow along as Harry gives them a mini tour, enough that they’ll know their way around as Helen ooohhhhs and ahhhhhs.

“These are ya rooms. Hope ya’ll be comfortable here,” Harry says.

“It’s jus’ beautiful,” Helen says.

You can tell she’s overwhelmed.

“I’ll bring ya bags up. Let’s meet in tha living room at 1:30 pm. Sound good?”

They both nod and you and Harry go downstairs to get the bags. You lug them up the stairs and you both stop as you get to the door and you see Ron and Helen hugging. You look at each other and smile and then Harry knocks quietly on the door.

The Chapmans look over and smile. “Thank ya.”

You both beam back at them as Harry pulls the door shut.

He grabs your hand and pulls you to your bedroom. “We’ve got some time…time ta finish wha’ we started in tha kitchen,” he says, nuzzling his nose on yours.

“I’d like that,” you say smiling as he presses his lips to yours.

Up the stairs you make it to your room, “Mmmm, Harry…” you moan as he devours your lips.  

His mouth opens against your lips, “Fuck, open, Jezebel, lemme in,” he growls against your mouth as his arms skate around your back and down to your bum. “Mmm, fuckin’ wan’ ya, love.”

“Har…Har-ry…s..s.. slll…slow down, ya just had me….. ugh, god that feels good,” you half moan, half slur throwing you head back panting as he closes the door.

“Yeah, ‘m abou’ ta make ya feel real good,” he says stripping your shirt from you. “Off…off..” he says pushing down your shorts. “Wan’ ‘em off,” he says whispering in your ear. “I wan’ ya naked,” he says pulling back long enough to look at your expression. “Tha’ ok, Jezebel?”

You nod, licking your lips, panting with furrowed brows, “Yeah,” you mutter closing your eyes and rolling you head back while he noses your neck. You rip at his shirt frantically to get it off and then work your hands into his waistband, tearing at the button and zipper. All the while he strips your t-shirt up and you wiggle your body to help it slip over your head. Both of your hands reach for your waistband, pushing your shorts and panties down in one sweep. You kick your shorts to the side while you push at his waistband, his shorts fall on their own and then you hook your thumbs to peal his briefs off, his hard cock standing stiff to the side. You grab it feeling the warm pearls of cum on his tip.  “You want me, Harry?”

“In way’s I can’ describe,” he starts just as you fall to your knees.

Your eyes glaze over, your reasonable self, the you that says you should do more to entertain your guests, leaves and the needy, horny, seemingly sex-starved, craving woman takes over, “Wanna suck you off Harry…d’ya wanna cum in my mouth or want me to fuck ya with my mouth and let you finish in my pussy?”

“Jesus Christ, swee’heart, I don’ care… wha’ d’ya want?” he says panting heavily as you fall to the ground.

“I want this cock in my mouth, but I want your cum inside me, please…” you beg kissing the bee he just had inked on his hip. You can’t help the words that fall from you lips, “Honey…”

“Wha’ love, wha’?”

“No honey, my honey, but you have honey too, want your honey to fill me up,” you say kissing his shaft.

“Fuck,” he mutters through a clenched jaw as you feel the blood surge through the viens on his cock.

“Mmmm,” you moan taking him into your mouth. You try to be gentle, but the time for teasing is gone, you want to feel his hardness in your mouth, to know the sensation of his steel erection on your tongue. He’s losing control slowly, steadily…and you’re intent on pushing him there…that point where he leaves all decorum aside and just wants to take, take…from you, his safe place, the place he can let go…a place only you can provide for him.

You suck hard, hollowing your cheek and using your hands to take what you can’t fit in your mouth. Focused on your job you’ve closed your eyes, dedication and commitment on your face, dedicated to pushing him, committed to making this good for him.  “Baby, look at me.” He asks causing you to flutter your eyes open. You pop off and jack him with your fists to make sure the he doesn’t lose the sensation. You pout your lips out looking directly in his eyes and kiss the tip of his cock while he watches.

“No!” he says, grabbing your by your arms and pulling you up.  “No, don’ make me cum, Jezebel, get up on the bed, an’ do it now.”

You turn to crawl up on the bed, and he grabs your ankle, pulling you back, then he leans over you on the bed to whisper in your ear, “Stop! Fo’ fuck’s sake, stop, right there, stay like tha’, God dammit. Why do ya have ta push me…hmmm? Push me an’ then crawl away, flashin’ this wetness,” he says running his hand through your wet pussy from behind. “Ya know I wan’ this, ya gon’ ‘ave ta be quiet or they’ll hear. Can ya let me fuck ya an’ ya be quiet?”

You nod, panting and swallowing, your mouth watering. You’re beyond ready to fuck your man, ready for him to push in and pound.

You still and widen your legs, as he sits on his knees between your legs, his hands on your bum cheeks. He spreads you wide, pushing your chest down toward the bed. “Still wi’ me?” he asks checking on you. The gesture just turns you on more. He never fucks you like this without checking to make sure you’re with him all the way. This time you’re more than ready to be taken…to the edge.

“Yes!” you whisper-shout over your shoulder, you body trembling with desire.

“Oh, ma love,” he says slowly, his accent much thicker than usual, dripping with arousal, slurred with desire as he scratches his nails down your back.

You bow your back and shiver into his touch like a cat being petted for the first time.

“H, I…I’m wet…” you whisper pushing your hips out trying to show him how ready you are, “Please,” you plead.

He leans down and kisses the dimples above your bum and then down to your slick core. “Mmm… ma Jezebel…” he says placing an open mouth kiss on your swollen wide open lips.

He pulls back with a smack of his lips, licks them and then wipes the back of his hand on across his mouth.

“Got me all sticky, Jezebel.”

“Don’t make me wait any longer, please H, inside me, get inside me, I’m hurting, I’m aching…”

He smirks, “Yeah, where’s it hurt, love, ya wan’ me ta kiss it better or fuck it better?”

“Fuck me…fuck me please!” you whimper on a sob dropping your head down feeling tears fill your eyes.  

“I’m here, baby…Shhh, I’m never gonna leave ya,” he says positioning his cock at your drippy hole. “Here, feel tha’, see, ’m here…no’ gonna leave ya emp-ty…” on the last syllable he pushes in and then keeps pushing forward until he bottoms out deep inside you.

“AHHHH…,” you turn your head into the mattress to muffle your own noises, “mmmm,” you moan into the duvet feeling your hot breath penetrate the fabric and spread onto your face, just like the hot warmth you feel in your body as he penetrates you.

“Jesus Christ, baby, ya ok?” he says softly.

“Go, just go, Harry, go!” you murmur against the fabric.

“Shh, hold on, here we go,” he says pulling out and pushing back in. “S’ gonna be fast, babe…”

“Just go…,” you plead ready for the intensity, praying to god Ron and Helen have no clue.

“Mhmph, Mhmph, Mhmph,” he pumps three times, “Jesus, come on, Jezebel, gotta come wi’ me, s’ fast, Mhmph, so fast..”

“There, H, ri….ght there…don’t stop, don’t stop…I can’t stop it, I can’t stop it…”

“S’ok baby, come on, let it go, don’ stop it, let it go…”

Your hands twist and pull up the duvet…pull it to your mouth to stop the scream, but goddamn his cock feels so good.

“Jesus, jesus…” he says through gritted teeth just before he goes stiff, head thrown back, grimace on his beautiful face…only to relax into a look of bliss. He leans forward to kiss your spine just below your rib cage.

“My god, Jezebel,” he says draped over your body, both panting, “Are ya ok?”

You hum..a moan/hum after every exhale.

“Babe, ya ok?”

You giggle slightly, and hum again.

“Aww, love, come on, let’s get ya cleaned up, ya can’t stay in lovespace… god damn I wish ya could…Fuck!” he says shaking his head and kissing your shoulders, “Love it like this, but we gotta show up tanight, come on, baby,” he says turing you over and kissing your cheeks. “Gotta come back, angel…yeah… therrrrre ya are…love ya, God I love ya.”

“I love you too. S’it good?”

“Jesus Fuckin’ Christ love, was incredible….”

You sit quickly, “Helen! Oh my god, they’re here!”

He chuckles, “Umm, think they’re occupied, but, yeah, we need ta tell them abou’ our surprise.”

“My god Harry was I loud?” you say blushing furiously.

“Nah, I think we were quiet enough,” he says chuckling as he moves toward the en-suite. He warms a washcloth under the faucet and comes back to tenderly clean you. The way he places the cloth on his fingers then looks into your eyes while he washes the cum from both of you away. The intimacy of that act, something heart-felt and indescribable…secret, a moment you could never get enough of.

He tosses the washcloth in the laundry hamper, then helps you sit up next to him.  “As much as I wan’ ta cuddle ya, we’ve got guests, VIP guests, an’ I know ya wouldn’t miss sharing this surprise fo’ anythin’. Can I get a raincheck fo’ takin care of ya when ya like tha’ next time?”

You nod a bit bashfully.

“Yeah? Promise?” he says lifting your chin to angle his mouth over yours, “Love ya…love fuckin’ ya…love fuckin’ ya into our special place, mmmm”

“You better stop mister, or we’ll never make it outta this room…” you pull back, “ I think you should leave first,” you whisper like a teenager caught in your room with the door shut.

He actually snorts in laughter, “Don’ think we need ta worry abou’ tha’…pretty sure they know we fuck…” He chuckles again. “They know how we fuck too…they made our pink room…”

You smack him, “Harry!”

“Wha’!?”

You take a moment to think about it, “Well…” you say with a indignate chin, “I mean, we’ve never done that with them in the same house, an…an…and, oh my god, how rude are we!”

He finally convinces you to shake it off and you follow a very confident walking Harry out of the room on your tip toes only to find their room door still shut.

He turns to waggle his brows at you as you both work your way down the stairs toward the kitchen. You’ve only a couple of hours left before you have to show at the venue. Looking at your watch you begin to start the usual time countdown.

“You think they will be here in…” you begin just as Ron and Helen make their way down the stairs. You catch Ron grabbing Helen’s bottom and squeezing and her reaction simple a swat and a smile and Ron winking at her.

“We’re all unpacked,” Helen announces as they make their way to the kitchen, Ron with a smirky grin on his face, one that Harry recognizes quickly. “Thank ya fo’ lettin’ us stay a few nights, it’s such a nice celebration fo’ us. We haven’t had an opportunity ta travel, ta visit such beautiful places, this is such a treat. Thank you!”

You smile and your eyes well with tears. You feel so lucky to have found the Chapmans and so thrilled that you could do something nice for them.

Harry drapes his arm on your shoulder and you wrap yours around his waist and lean your head on his chest. He can tell your feeling emotional. “Listen, uh…we’re s’glad ya here an’ agreed ta share ya special day wi’ us.” He looks down at you and smiles before meeting their eyes again. “Ya mean a lot ta us an’ we wanted ta do somethin’ special fo’ ya. We, uh, well…we wan’ ta throw ya a vow renewal ceremony. We know ya didn’t have a big wedding 45 years ago an’ everyone deserves ta have a special day. It’s all set ta happen on Wednesday. We’re leavin’ on Thursday mornin’ an’ ya can stay here as long as ya wan’.”

Ron and Helen are gaping at you, mouths open, looking back and forth from you and each other. Helen finds her voice first, her hands going to get mouth. “Oh ma lord…I don’ know wha’ ta say! We never expected this…a wedding? A real wedding?”

You both nod, smiling.

“Oh Ron!” She exclaims hugging him to her. She pulls away from Ron and rushes to you and throws her arms around you. “Thank you,” she says against your ear. “My sweet, sweet girl.” She pulls back, cupping your face. She moves to hug Harry and squeeze him tight. Ron is still standing stock still, eyes glazed over with tears. He knows how important this is to Helen and he’s overwhelmed with gratitude.

You notice and take three steps and wrap your arms around him. You gasp as he squeezes you so tight you almost can’t breathe and then you hear a strangled cry and he’s sobbing.

Helen pulls away from Harry and comes over to  hug you both.

Just then the doorbell rings and Harry quietly says “excuse me” as he goes to open the door.

“Hi baby,” Anne says as she comes in, Darren following her, shaking his hand.

“Hi mum, Darren,” he says. “Everyone’s in the kitchen.”

Anne and Darren follow him to the kitchen and see you surrounded by the Chapmans.

Helen pulls back and wipes her eyes as she notices the new arrivals.

You pull back from Ron and he kisses your cheeks and wipes your eyes.

“Ron, Helen, I’d like ta introduce ma mum, Anne, an’ her boyfriend, Darren.”

Anne steps forward to shake their hands and Darren follows her lead. “I hope we didn’t come at a bad time,” Anne says.

“Uh, no! Not at t’all. We jus’ found out abou’ our lovely vow renewal surprise is all.” Helen says.

“Oh, well yes! We’re all so excited for you both,” Anne says smiling that smile that’s so like Harry’s it’s almost disconcerting.

You watch as Helen looks back and forth between mother and son.

Harry looks down at his watch and rubs his hands together. “Should we get goin’?”

Everyone nods and then you’re all piling into the extra large SUV and heading to the private restaurant you’d booked for dinner.

You twirl your cacio e Pepe on your fork and laugh at a story Anne is telling about Harry. You’re so pleased that everyone is getting along so well. You take a bite of pasta and smile as Harry leans over to kiss your temple.

After a delicious meal, Harry heads to the venue and you go back to the villa for a couple of hours with everyone else. Cal comes to pick you all up at 8:00 pm and you’re walking through the back doors of the venue by 8:20 pm and you lead your little group to the chairs at the side of the stage right in front of the pit.

Helen’s foot is shaking nervously she’s so excited for the show to start. When he finally comes on stage to thunderous applause, her eyes are like saucers.

By the time Golden starts, Ron and Helen are on their feet clapping along with everyone else. It was a great show, and as the last chords of Kiwi die down and Harry runs off the stage, Helen turns to you and hugs you tightly. “He’s amazing. Oh, my sweet girl. He’s amazing! Thank you!”

You hug her back. “You’re welcome.”

On the drive home, Helen couldn’t help having a few fangirling moment’s, the way she bonded with Anne was truly a beautiful thing to watch.  

You and Harry are snoodled in the up on the side of the bench seat in the limo and you can tell he’s tired.

“Honey, was a good show? You ok?” you say into the top of his head that’s rested on your shoulder.

“Yeah, just tired.”

“As soon as we get back…” you start to whisper.

“No, home, soon as we get home, ‘s our home here” he mumbles.

You smile with a lump in your throat, “Yeah, as soon as we ge home, you can rest, yeah?”

All the while Helen, Ron and Anne and Darren are talking, getting to know each other, happy to be together. That makes you feel a certain comfort you can’t explain, seeing them happily sharing a moment, while you and Harry rest with each other. To be honest you’re feeling some fleeting moments of wondering what this night would’ve been like if you were with your mum…would she be as happy as Helen…? Would she love Anne as much as you do…? You feel a longing for her…your mum…but you shove it back into your mind, something about her memory is too much for you to visualize. You shake your head…why is your mind going there… it’s old, old news…why does it hurt to think of her?...Shove, shove, shove the memories…today is about comforting Harry, planning for Ron and Helen, celebrating their love… not time for old memories.

Arriving at the villa, Anne and Darren and Ron and Helen make their way to their rooms. As much as you love the plans you have for Ron and Helen, the planning is last minute. It’s only going to be possible because you’re able to pull strings. Thankfully there’ll be a rack of dress options for Helen available at the spa…Anima e Corpo had been recommended so it was shut down for next day to make a home call for Helen’s special day. Torina Suits would be fitting Ron, and the boys had their bachelor plans for the morning. Although it was a small moment, you still had last minute messages from the caterer and florist, not to mention the priest, to respond to.

While Harry was in a hot shower, the ice baths he did at the venue were his sworn cure, but a nice hot shower after was a deep relaxation he loved so much. You brushed your hair out, washed your face and did your nightly routine, you opted for a “treat people with kindness” tank top and a comfy pair of white cotton panties as you crawled in bed.  Planning to do a little work for Ron and Helen’s ceremony the next day, you settled with your laptop.

Harry, wrapped in a towel, has answered a few messages when he turns to see you tucked up with the laptop to do some work.

“Nahh, babes, please… let it be, yeah?” he says crawling in bed. “’M so tired, jus’ wanna sleep…”

“Oomph” you puff as he crawls over and lays his head on your tummy.

“Stop…jus’…babe…can we jus’… sleep, please?” he says wrapping his arms around your bum. “Take…take these off, wanna feel ya.” He pulls at the waistband of your panties insistently, pulling them off your body. The entire time he’s smoothing his hands over your skin, “Yeah, jus’ like tha’… wanna feel ya…”

Sooner rather than later, you pushed your laptop to the side and he’s pulls you down to him, one hand cupping the breast where your new ink is, the other on your hip bone, pulling you close to his pelvis.

“Just wanna sleep…baby, we’ll figure out the rest in the morning, yeah?”

 You sigh and snuggle back into him and he slides his leg in between yours. “Ok, baby.”

“Jus’ wanna be close ta ya,” he says, lips pressing kisses against your neck.

You turn your head and he kisses your lips softly. “Go to sleep baby. I’m right here,” you tell him, your hand covering his on your skin and close your eyes allowing yourself to drift off. The last thing you remember is a picture of your mum and dad that was in your childhood home.

The beautiful Italian sun shines through the bedroom window. Once again you both forgot to close the darkening curtains. He lays tangled within himself, you behind him the big spoon to his little one. Your mind races with the day's activities. You need to make sure the florist is here in time to set up and the caterer got the meal and cake just right.

You untangle yourself, sit up crossing your legs, and grab your phone from the nightstand. Harry stirs as you flip through your messages, and rolls over moving his hand to rest on the thigh of your crossed legs almost as if he has to touch you even in his sleep.  

You smile down at him and then move back to your messages. Everyone is confirmed for the spa and is expected to be at the villa at 10 am. You puff out a sigh of relief. You grab your laptop and pull it onto your lap in an attempt to contact the Royal Palace caterer and florist and the photographer. Oh! And you need to make sure that Lambert has all of the girls’ dresses and the guys have suits. There’s so much to do! You’ve just finished sending off a message when Harry wakes up. He raises the hand on your leg and rubs it down his face.

You look down at the sight before you…his long lean body, tan skin against the crisp white sheets, arm muscles flexing as he rubs his face and back through his hair. Jesus…is this real life? Do I actually get to wake up to this? You think shaking your head.

He pulls his eyes to yours and smiles.

“You sleep good baby?” You ask him, your hand running through his curls.

“Yeah. Had ma Jezebel wi’ me, s’ yeah,” he says in his raspy morning voice.

“Wha’re ya doin, love?”

“Oh honey, I need to contact the Royal Palace caterer, and the florist...got so much to do..." you tell him softly.

“Can’ we get someone ta do tha’?"

“No because we decided to do this ourselves, remember? And you gave Luis the week off, remember?”

He sighs.

“Besides, H, I really want us to do this for them. They mean a lot to me.”

He pulls up to his elbows, hands rubbing down his face. “Look s’beautiful sittin’ there.”

"No, sir, don't start lookin' a me like that..."

“Like wha’? Lemma see wha’ ya workin' on," he says pulling the laptop towards him, only to roll over with it and set it on the bedside table.

“Harry, honestly! I have to do..." you break into giggles as he tickles your side. "Stop! Stop!!" you say giggling.

He goes still.

“What?" You ask, “you ok?"

“Yeah, baby, ‘m perfect, ya perfect...s’proud of ya...an’ lemme say, those glasses...bookworm Jezebel in ma bed,” he says and stops to place kisses on your thigh, "smell s’good..."

Smiling, you reach to take your glasses off.

“No, Jezebel, leave 'em..." he says pushing up onto his elbows fingering the bottom of the tank top that’s ridden up to your waist leaving you bare from the waist down. His large hands push your tank up over your tummy and up past your breasts. He moves in front of you and slowly pulls the tank top off, pushing you onto your back. His hands slide to your knees and he pushes your legs up but still keeping them crisscrossed and licks a stripe up your slit causing you to cry out. He meets your eyes through the little space through your legs. “Gotta be quiet , baby. Wanna eat ma honey bu’ we have company,” he says, smirking as he bends his head to you again, maintaining eye contact. He pulls back. “Baby show me ma bee...s'it feeling better...or s'it still a little sore? Show me."

You pull your breast up and run your fingers over your ink. “No, it feels good.”

“Still can’ believe ya did tha’ fo’ me.”

You blush. “I’m yours, baby.”

He groans. “Gonna eat ma honey now,” he says as he moves his hands to your crossed legs and he pushes them up and licks a hard stripe up your slit.

Your head falls back and you bite the back of your hand to stifle your noises.

“Eyes on me, Jezebel. Wan’ ya ta watch.”

You pull your eyes back to his, looking through your legs to see his face.

He suctions his mouth to your clit, tongue fluttering against your nerves and you’re already panting. When he moves his other hand to your dripping entrance and slides his middle and ring finger in, curling them to your hit your spot, your back arches and you whisper shout out his name.

He pops off. “Cum fo’ me. Wan’ ma honey, Jezebel.”

You feel another gush of wetness at his words.

He suctions back onto your clit, fingers rhythmically moving against your spot.

You can feel your orgasm coiling in your belly and you watch as he looks up at you from under his lashes. You can see the lust and desire in his eyes.

He moves his fingers against your spot a little harder and that’s what pushes you over.

“I…ahhhh…mmm…cumming!” Your back arches as you cum for him, your walls pulsing hard around his fingers, your hands fisting the sheets.

“Tha’s my girl…wan’ ya so much,” he mutters scrambling up to place both knees on either side close to your bum.  He slides his hand down your crossed leg to hold your ankle. “Ya ok like this?” he asks thumb rubbing across the top of your foot.

You look down at your crisscrossed legs bent forward on your tummy, the back of your thighs and legs tucked against his lower abdomen. You can feel his cock nestled against the lips of your wet cunt. You look up at him, nod and pant out, “Yeah, it’s good, can ya get inside like this?”

He smirks a smile with a deep dimple. “Oh yeah, love… can take ya jus’ fine this way,” he says looking down to where his cock rests. His eyes find yours, “Ready?”

You smile and pull off your readers tossing them to the side, “Please….”

He pulls back slightly lining up his cock, meeting your eyes, “Love ya s’much,” then leans forward slowly thrusting in pushing your crossed and folded legs forward as he braces one hand on the bed and the other against the headboard.

The way his weight is resting on you creates an amazing angle and puts him deep, deep inside you. You push your head back into the pillow, eyes squeezed tightly as a sharp inhale and exhale leaves your body.

“Fuckin’ love tha’….never gets old…tha’ first push in…you’re special purr…s’all fo’ me, innit?”

You bite the back of your hand and nod vigorously unable to speak a word at the moment.

“’M so deep, s’it feel ok, Jezebel?”

“Oh my god, yes, H.” you let out a soft, yet high-pitched squeal. “Feels amazing,” you groan out cupping your breasts and brushing your thumbs over your hard nipples.

“Mmmm, yeah… nipples are so hard, those are my tits, baby, pinch ‘em like I do.” He leans down to place a kiss to your lips, his arm stretched as it’s perched on the velvet headboard for leverage. Against your lips, “pinch ‘em hard, pretend its my teeth while I fuck ya.” He pulls out just slightly and pushes in deep and swivels his hips like he’s tryna grind his fuck into you. He does it again and again. His tummy pressing into your folded legs between you. This isn’t a pounding style fuck, more like a deep, grinding fuck you can feel deep in your soul. His pelvic bone and pubic hair are stimulating your clit and the ridges of his cock are sliding against your g-spot. His spot. God, you love that he claimed the most intimate parts of your body for himself. He might as well, god knows he owns you body.

You cry out against his lips, “Shh, Jezebel, gotta be quiet, we have a house fullof guests.”

“I know, I know,” you pant out, “Tryna be…it’s just…it’s just….”

“S’good like this, hmm? Can feel ya clampin’ down on me…oh baby, please tell me ya gon’ cum like this…fuck!” His balls are drawing up…he’s not gonna be able to hold on much longer. “Touch yourself, show me….”

Maintaining eye contact, you reach down through the opening between your crossed legs and first, place your palm on his pelvis. Your palm feels the taunt area just above his cock, so much blood rushed to the area it’s hard and even harder as you feel the base of his cock against the side of your thumb. He pulls out slightly between your positioned thumb and fingers. “So hard, Harry…” you whisper.

He looks down to where your hand is, “Yeah, m’hard an’ ya so wet,” he says pushing in deep catching your fingers as he swivels and grinds.

You raise your head to look down, “Got me spread wide open…Ah-ha-hahh! Right there! Yes! Right there!”

“Darlin’…Shhh! Aww Fuck It!” he says in a I-give-up tone. “I can’t…I can’t hold on…gonna cum…AHH! With me…cum with me!

“Har-ry…” you whisper shout against the back of your hand as the orgasm overtakes your body. You’re so wound up and his hand on your ankle is a now a grip as your toes curl with the contractions that come in waves. You’ve bit your bottom lip so hard you think you might draw blood. Looking at his face contorted in such absolute pleasure makes the orgasm just go on longer.

His hair is flopped down into his eye, he’s stiff and shaking with your contractions. “OH. MY. GOD. Baby…” he’s trying to catch his breath. “Jesus, Jezebel…” he murmurs falling forward curled over your crossed legs.

You groan slightly at his weight. “Hang on angel,” he says finding the strength to pull back just a little. His hand is still pushed against the headboard and you can’t help but admire the flex of his bicep and the beauty of his underarm, you lean up and kiss his tricep. He pulls back and sits on his knees, holding your legs up on your tummy. He looks up at you as he slowly pulls out. “Good?”

You nod with a soft smile.

“Show me it…push it out.”

You put your hand down to touch the side of his thigh and whisper, “Jesus H, you’re so filthy.” He nods as you push your mixed cum from your body feeling it drip down.

He catches it with is finger and pushes it back inside you, only to have small dribbles leak out. He’s in a trance like state looking at it and unconsciously runs a finger tip up from your bottom across your tight rosette to your wet pussy. The sensation causes startles you, causing you to flex. Harry rolls his eyes up to you and he cocks his head to one side. “Good…or…no?”

“Unexpected…” you whisper, “But…better than I expected…”

“Fuckin’ love seein’ our cum in ya…,” he says unfolding your legs and settling between them, down on his elbows, his thumbs rubbing your jaw.

He holds your stare, searching your eyes and opens his mouth, then closes it again, letting out an exhale.

“What, honey?” you ask sensing he’s got something on his mind.

“Have you ever…down there…,” he says pulling his head back, taking a deep breath.

“No… I mean, this guy I went out with in year two of Uni, tried slipping down there a couple of times, like I wouldn’t notice or something,” you say rolling your eyes.

“Fuckin’ bastard, motherfucker…!” He says frustratedly and buries his head in your neck. “God! Dammit!” he huffs out a breath.

“Was it tha’ fucker, ya brought ta Mum’s on Boxing Day…swear ta Christ…”

You run your hand down his back and chuckle, “It’s fine, Harry, he didn’t…hey, look at me,” you demand pushing his head up with your shoulder. “I mean, have you?”

He shakes his head, “No…no’ at all.”

“Does that interest you?” you ask in return.

“I mean, wha’ d’ya think abou’ it?”

“I don’t think I wanna be penetrated with your monster down there, but I’m curious about the feeling…it’s more sensitive than I thought it would be.” He closes his eyes, “Harry, talk to me, what’s on your mind?”

“When we were in Amsterdam an’ we met back wi’ you and Sarah at tha’ shop, they had this little chrome…ya know, plug… with a heart shaped base an’,” he buries his head back into your neck, but you push him back to meet your eyes, “jus’ wondered wha’ it would feel like fo’ us ta fuck…wi’ it there.”

“I mean…I’m not opposed to it, you’ve always been gentle with me, H… so tender and I trust you with my body…trust you with our play…with our sex. I love you, I love what we do in bed.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, don’t think I wanna fuck that way, I mean I dunno, but I…” you look to the side shyly.

He turns his head at an awkward angle so he can meet your eyes, “No, Jezebel, don’ go shy on me, not abou’ this, yeah?”

“I…I…I can’t say I’m not I’m curious about it, do you think that makes me…”

“Doesn’t make ya anythin’, darlin’. ‘Cept mine… makes ya mine, mine ta share these thin’s wi’, yeah? An’ we can go slow, promise I’ll be gentle…”

You stare hard into his eyes, “I don’t worry about you hurting me, OK…,” you lean up to capture his lips, “I love what we do and I love tha’ it’s always special and it’s ours…s’ours and no one elses.”

“I’m so in love wi’ ya, know tha’?”

“I know, honey. Wanna stay in bed with you all day right now… soo wanna make love all day…” you whisper as he kisses your neck and shoulder, “But we gotta finish planning this ceremony.”

He jerks his head back. “Yeah, we have a wedding ceremony to plan…an’ god knows I wanna get better at tha’,” he deadpans staring deep.

You return his stare slightly perplexed, but brushing off his innuendo as something you’re reading into, “Yeah, we should finish up.”

He cleans you up and you task him with contacting Lambert and the photographer while you deal with the hotel caterer and florist. After forty-five minutes of back and forth and a near disaster with the cake, everything is confirmed for 6:00 pm and you both let out a relieved puff of air.

“Tha’ was fuckin’ stressful,” he says as he tosses his phone to the end of the bed.

You nod. “An’ this was a small do…I can’t even imagine wha’ it’s like planning a big do!”

He bites his lip. “Would ya wanna do it or would ya get a event planner?”

You’re distracted on the laptop because you’re responding to a follow up question from the caterer. “I’d like to be involved but not down in the weeds. It’s too much!”

He nods thoughtfully. “Jus’ know tha’ when it’s our turn ta plan a wedding, I’ll help ya in whatever way ya need me ta.”

You’re still responding to the caterer and aren’t sure you heard that right. “Wait…what? What wedding?”

He laughs his breathy little laugh and grabs your phone so you’re not distracted. “Ours. When we do this, I’ll help ya as much as ya wan’ me ta. I’ll hire as many people as we need. I’ll,” he gulps, “I’ll do whatever I can ta make sure ya not stressed an’ tha’ we have everythin’ we wan’.”

Tears well in your eyes. “Really?”

He moves so he’s in front of you and pulls you in his arms. “Really.”

“I love you.”

He kisses your ear. “Love ya too. We should get ready. Everyone’ll be here in a bit,” he says, getting up and pulling you with him.

“Ok,” you say as a tear slides down your face.

You put comfy clothes on and skip hair and makeup since you’re getting that done and head downstairs to the kitchen and put on the kettle and the coffee. You’ve just put the toast in the toaster when Ron and Helen step in the room with Harry right behind them.

“Guess who I found in the hallway?” Harry says giggling and pointing to the Chapmans.

“Hmmmm…imagine that,” you say giggling. “Who wants tea?”

“I’d like tea. Ron would prefer coffee,” Helen says.

“Coming right up. Toast ok?” You ask them and they all nod.

“I’m so sorry…good morning you two!” You say moving around the counter to kiss them both.

They both chuckle and kiss your cheeks.

“Sit down and I’ll bring everything over,” you tell them.

Harry just smiles as he moves to the counter and takes the coffee pot and creamer from your hands and bringing it to the table. You place four mugs on the table and he grabs two of them while you put tea bags in the other two and pour the boiling water.

He slips behind you and grabs the toast and plates bringing them to the table.

You smile. “Thank you,” you tell him as he grabs the butter dish and you move to the table with the tea.

You place your hands together at the table, and lean forward, excited to talk to them about the day’s activities. “So, I realize it’s just your first day here, but we have a kinda busy schedule planned in order to get ready for your renewal ceremony tonight. Luckily, we have the courtyard of the Royal Palace reserved and the staff there have been amazing to get everything taken care of,” you smile and lean in further with excitement, “They have a Michelin star chef who has prepared a menu with a beef, chicken and fish option and a homemade pasta with different sauces to choose from. The pastry chef is making you a beautiful cake, and they have a florist they do business with who will get the tables and trees dressed with flowers and ivy and little twinkle lights.” You glance over to Harry who is looking at you with sweetest smile, dimple on full display. You reach up and rub your chin thinking maybe you have toast crumbs or butter or something there. “What?” you ask with a smile.

He slips his hand onto your thigh and rubs slightly, “Nothing…ya jus’ cute s’all.”

You look up and Ron is smirking as he slides his arm across the back of Helen’s chair. Helen looks over at him and smiles. “I can’t believe you two are doing this for us, it’s so special,” she says not taking her eyes off her lover of forty-five years. “Oh, Ronnie, an Italian wedding…,” she says a little overwhelmed.

Ron just rubs his hand across her neck, “I know, baby, it’s pretty amazing.”

“The sun should be going down about the time you say, ‘I do’, so it we have candles planned to keep the light and then we can all sit down for a nice meal together and then some dancing,” you clap your hands, “I love a great party! And I cannot imagine celebrating two more deserving people. We love you both so much,” you say glassy eyed. “Ok no crying yet,” you say shaking your head. “We, Miss Helen, have a spa visit to get to and, you, Mr. Ron, need to get a suit.”

“As long as Harry doesn’t pick it out, I’m fine with getting a suit.” Ron deadpans.

You all look at each other and burst into laughter.

In a flurry of people and cars, you’re finally on your way to the spa with Harry and the men folk heading to get a suit and a stop at the cigar bar.

You’ve been massaged, wrapped in clay, had a facial, nails and toes done and a light lunch has been served and eaten. After everyone’s through you tell Helen, “I have one final surprise for you before we meet up with the boys.”

Helen’s eyes well up with tears. “You’ve done s’much already, my sweet girl. I don’ know how much else there is ta do!”

You smile and lean over to hug her. “You can’t get married without a wedding dress,” you say as Ny wheels in a rack of gowns.

Helen’s hands fly to her mouth and she looks at you, eyes wide in shock.

You grab her hand. “C’mon, let’s pick your wedding dress!”

She follows you to the rack and you can tell she’s still gobsmacked.

You pull out each gown and show it to her.

Her hands are shaking as she fingers the material of each gown.

You get to the end of the selections, “what do you think?”

“I…uh…they’re all s’beautiful, I don’ know,” Helen says, overwhelmed.

You smile softly. “I know this is a lot, but just try and focus and pick the one you like best and we’ll try it on.”

“Ok,” she says squeezing your hand. She goes back through the dresses and stops in the middle of the rack, pulling out a beautiful antique white all lace dress with sheer sleeves and a beautiful train. The skirt flares at the bottom in a very subtle mermaid shape ad there’s a gorgeous jeweled belt that cinches the waist.

“It’s beautiful, Helen. Let’s go over here and we’ll try it on.”

The spa set up a changing room with a bridal pedestal and a three way mirror for you.

Helen gets undressed and you help her into the dress and zip it up.

“Close your eyes,” you tell her. You grab the veil from the hook on the wall, gently tuck the veil on the back of her head, and wave frantically in the doorway for all of the girls to come and see. You smile. “Open your eyes.”

You watch as she opens her eyes and you both look at her reflection.

Her hands fly to her mouth again and tears roll down her cheeks.

Anne grabs a tissue and gives it to you and you hand it to Helen quickly.

She wipes her eyes and looks from the mirror back to you.

“You look so beautiful. A perfect bride.” All the girls nod behind you.

“Wha’ did I ever do ta deserve ya?” Helen says, kissing both of your cheeks. “Thank you, my sweet girl. Never though’ I’d have a daughter at this stage of my life bu’ here ya are.”

You hug her and pull back and grab her and Anne’s hands squeezing them tightly. “I couldn’t ask for two better surrogate mothers.”

“This is the dress. It’s more than I ever could’ve hoped fo’,” Helen says. She kisses your cheeks again. “Someday you’ll tell me abou’ your parents, won’ ya?”

Tears stream down your face. “I will. One day. Promise.”

[torchickentacos]

excuse me, cocaine sideboob? is this hidden harry styles lore

yeah, that post wasn't kidding about his lyrics being fascinating. tossing the explanation of this to the former 1d fans to explain because I have genuinely no clue.

[finepairingsfanblog]

Episode 01 Notes

After - Part 1

August 14th, 2019

"A podcast about fanfiction. The inaugural episode of the Fine Pairings podcast! Join Grace and Claire as they dive into the wildly popular fanfiction that's been all across the news. A Harry Styles fanfic written by Anna Todd. Drinks will be mixed and understandings of anatomy will be lost. What they know for sure is that from now on there will only be... After."

🐢 { Hello everyone and welcome to The Inaugural Post! I am currently working on the episode's transcript so stay tuned (warning: I type slowly). These extended "show note" style posts are where I'll share additional information on the fic and my less-than-alcoholic paring recommendations. I'm open to ideas of what to add, so please send me an ask! }

Fic

After by Anna Todd Published to Wattpad in April 2013.

Rating: PG-13 Fandom: One Direction // Harry Styles Pairing: Harry Styles x OC Notes: While this fic originally used the names of 1D members for much of the main cast, it's been edited to reflect the published edition. This seems to be a recent change since the release of the film, if you have a copy of the original please DM me! Also, this fic contains alcohol/drug use and addiction as well as sexual themes. Proceed as is comfortable for you.

The history of the fic, from Wattpad to the screen, can be read here

The Author: Anna Todd (imaginator1D on Wattpad) started as a fanfic writer with the After series being her flagship work. She is now the author of multiple published romance novel series and has started her own publishing group Frayed Pages. Her information can be found here.

"Tessa Young is an 18 year old college student with a simple life, excellent grades, and a sweet boyfriend. She always has things planned out ahead of time, until she meets a rude boy named Hardin, with too many tattoos and piercings who shatters her plans."

Pairings

🍸 Our boozy pairing is Miller High Life. This drink is the champagne of cheap college beers much like After is the champagne of bad fanfics. This paring is best served at room temperature in a slightly dusty solo cup left over from a party that was "just okay".

☕️ Our coffee pairing is an iced pumpkin spice latte. The quintessential "white girl in the 2010's" drink, which is what you'd have to be to read this fic. It is best served left in your fridge overnight. Warm enough for the ice to melt but not enough to give you food poisoning.

🍟 This fic's snack pairing is yellow mustard Doritos, a chip almost as toxic as our protagonists' romance.

{I promise my pairing recommendations won't always be this goofy, but my goal is to match the tone of Grace and Claire's pairings.}

Recs

Sold to One Direction - Last updated 2014 November 9 - by Coleen Hoover

Fine Pairings Pod Links

[thezipzap]

Project this on my tombstone.

11/24/2022. Love on Tour, CDMX I.

[emo-elysium]

New chapter of my Disco Elysium fic is live!

Wattpad

AO3

[writingsfromhome]

Red Rose II

A/N: Did some more work on this series. It’s one of the first fics I ever posted here (2020!?!) but felt writer’s block every time I tried to continue. The story is finally shaping up in my head though. It deals with fantastical elements. I’d say it’s not exactly my average fic…

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

—————————

My head is pounding like a bass drum when I wake up, the room I’m in is too dark to see but the sliver of light coming from below the curtains gives the day away. I try to make out the room around me, the night comes back to me in bits.

I must be at the handsome bloke’s-Harry it was. I remember, Harry offered to let me crash at his. I gently turn to stare at the spot next to me but it looks made. He slept somewhere else—he really was a gentleman.

My body creaks as I pivot off the bed and onto the plush carpet. With the softness of the covers and the quality of the carpet, I figured Harry was well off. Compared to my Ikea flat, and synthetic rugs, this was a castle.

I find the light switch and the brightness assaults my sensitive eyes, but I make out a bathroom off to the side. Sweet.

I looked horrible; as hard as I’d done myself up last night I had undone myself in the hours following. And looking at my puffy face and raccoon eyes, I could barely believe Harry wasn’t more afraid of me. Maybe he just pitied me.

By the time I walk back into the room, the curtains have been pushed open, the bed made, and a plain black tee and palazzo pants in my size lay on the bed. It looks exactly like something I would wear on my day off. A glass of water and two painkillers sit on the sidetable. There was no way Harry did all this, how did he find clothes in my size? And why would he make my bed?

I leave the questions for later and take the painkillers (after double checking the label), take the clothes back into the shower and wash the weird night away. It’s not hard finding the kitchen from the smell of coffee and baked goods.

I find Harry sitting in a robe on the balcony off to an open concept kitchen. Two women prepare breakfast, in uniform—so they definitely weren’t family, and another man in uniform stands outside. He definitely didn’t make my bed. I quietly head out to Harry.

“Once I can, that’s all she needs to know.” Harry sips a coffee with his back to me. The man outside only nods to me before going back in.  

“Rose,” Harry says. I jump, how did he know I was here. “I can see your reflection in the glass.”

“Do you read minds or something?” I ask as I walk into his view and settle into the chair opposite him.

“Or something,” he smiles. From what I remember from yesterday, he was big and bold and broody but this morning his face is lit from below and he doesn’t seem as intimidating—it holds a kindness that was missing yesterday. At an angle, he looks almost harmless. Almost.

“Thanks for...well for everything.” I wasn’t sure how to approach his kindness. I knew everything came with a price, Harry was being really nice, he’d kept to his word and left me to recover, but I didn’t know why. That made me uneasy. As I think it, Harry fixes me with a stare, waiting for me to continue but I don’t know what to say so I babble. “I usually don’t do this, follow strangers home. But last night was kind of really awful and-shit, Jeremy! I..”

I pat my pockets out of habit but of course my phone isn’t there. I look up and my phone is on the table. I grab it, and look up, Harry continues to stare as if he was watching a rat in a maze he’d constructed and a chill goes down my spine.

Leave it up to me to make things weird.

My train of thoughts freak me out so I just excuse myself and go inside, my screen isn’t cracked anymore. I run my finger over the screen to make sure but it’s entirely smooth. Was I hallucinating yesterday?

“Y/N, why are you calling so bloody early?” Jeremy’s sleepy voice answers the phone. I check the room and spot the time on the fridge. 8:44.

“Sorry, must be the jet lag. I just want you to know I’m okay.”

“What? Why wouldn’t you be?” I hear him shuffling.

“I...” I realise he knew absolutely nothing from yesterday. I never called him-he probably thinks I’m still at my ex’s! “I’m sorry Jer go back to bed. I’ll explain later.”

He grumbles something but he sounds half-asleep already. I tuck my phone into my pocket and go back outside. The women have disappeared and a buffet is laid out in front of Harry. He points to my seat and I take it.

“Wow,” I was at a loss for words. But I ask, “Did you fix my phone?”

“It fell out of your pocket when I was helping you to bed.” Harry says. “I cracked the screen so I fixed it. Brought it out here for when you had breakfast.”

“Oh no, I um, I actually broke it last night!” I pull it out with a nervous laugh. How did he fix it? “I got angry and sort of...yeah, anyway, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s done for me. I really...I’m actually overwhelmed with how nice you’re being.” My laugh comes out in a rush of air, I’m trying to figure this man out. He didn’t feel threatening but there were all these red flags that made it seem so.

He finally cracks a smile back and nods. “This is how a woman like yourself should be treated. Let’s just enjoy the feast, and enjoy the morning.”

I smile as he pours me coffee. Something in the back of my head wants to analyze everything about the man in front of me, his good looks and his good manners. But also the cold way he observes me versus the short bursts of sunshine in his laugh. His hand keeps brushing mine, and he makes me blush with his compliments. But he continues to call me Rose, he doesn’t even ask for my name again. So I don’t offer it.

“So do you do this often?” I ask. “Invite a stranger from a pub and take care of her?”

“I’ve been visiting The Good Folk for decades and I’ve never met a woman like you.”

My heart skips a beat, not at the compliment. He said decades, but he had less wrinkles than I did and I wasn’t even 30. How old was he?

“I bet you say that to all the women you take home,” I say.

“Yes,” he admits and I look up from my toast. He seems unfazed by his admission but he notices my expression, “What?”

“You just admitted to saying that to all the women you take home.”

“Yes?” He stares. “This is the first time I’ve taken a woman home from there.”

It sounds like a lie or a technicality but he’s entirely honest. And I don’t know how I know that.

The uniformed man suddenly appears and says something to Harry who excuses himself and leaves. Was he like Mr. Alfred, butler to a billionaire type? Harry sure was mysterious enough to have one.

I use the time alone to look around, the view showed an expanse of green fields and in the distance the skyline of London. I’d lived here all my life yet I couldn’t figure where exactly we were.

I look back inside, the place is spotless. Harry must be richer than I thought if he could afford a place like this and hire help. He was a gentleman with a streak of odd, I conclude.

I wanted to figure the odd bit out.

“Are you done with breakfast?” I jump when one of the women from earlier appears beside me. But on a closer look, she was a lot younger than me. Maybe around 15?

“I’m done. You’re quite young. What’s your name?”

She giggles and looks back to where the other women is watering the outdoor plants. When she turns at the sound of the giggles, I realise she was just as young. Was this even legal?

“I’m called Dot, that’s Oona.”

“Nice to meet you Dot.” I watch as she picks up a stack of plates. She was stronger than she looked but still I ask, “Do you need help?”

She just giggles again as if what I asked was absurd and simply carries the large stack inside. I decide to help anyway, feeling unusual if I sat while they cleared the table. It wasn’t something I was used to.

I drop the coffee cups off on the counter when Harry appears and pulls me away.

“What are you doing?” He demands.

“I’m just helping clear...” I turn to point to the girls but they stare at us. It reminds me of the weird motorcycle guy yesterday who offered to give me a ride home. They have the same look in their eyes and when I turn to Harry I can see why. His features are set in an aggressive expression. I didn’t know what I’d done except to help out, and I didn’t want the two girls to get in trouble.

“Harry I...” I touch his arm. “They didn’t ask or nothing, I was just sitting there and thought I could help. I’m not usually waited on...especially by girls younger than me so it was just weird to just sit there.”

His eyes slide from the two behind me to me, his expression softens ever so slightly. “We all have our roles. Let them do theirs. They’ve been in my employment for many years.”

“Okay,” I agree quickly. I wanted to move away from the tense room and shift Harry’s attention away from Dot and Oona. I would have to apologise later, I didn’t mean to get them in trouble. And maybe ask what their skin care tips were—there was no way Harry hired children so they must have amazing genetics.

“Did you have any plans today? I know you people usually go to work during the day,” Harry leads me to a large room that must be an office. I’m taken aback by his bluntness saying “my people”.

“We’re not all rich unfortunately,” I say passively. I couldn’t figure out if Harry was a good guy or not. One second he was kindly hosting me and the next he looks ready to throw his help out the window because I helped them.

“What do riches have to do with your plans?” Harry looks genuinely confused. He played aloof really well.

“My people?” I remind him.

“Yes, what do you do during the day?”

I shake my head. He was so confusing. “I usually have work but I’m off for the week. I thought I would spend today with...my ex. But after yesterday-“

“You deserve better. He doesn’t hold a candle to you.”

I laugh, slightly nervous having all his attention so close. “Right. That’s nice of you to say. But I seem to have a bad history with men, I don’t think I even know what I deserve at this point.”

“I thought it was human nature to follow your hearts?” Harry stops fiddling with the book in his hands and moves towards me. “Love makes the world go round or something like that?” Harry drags his fingers up and down my arm and I feel it in the pit of my stomach. “How can you not know what you deserve.”

“I...” words leave my mind as I lean in towards him. His touch empties me of thought and I just want more of him. But as I lean into him it’s like he realises what was happening. He jumps back, letting go of me and I straighten up.

“Uh,” Harry clears his throat, “I can’t-“ he looks to the door just as it creaks open, I immediately feel the familiar burn of embarassment that came with rejection. What was wrong with me? He kept making it clear he was just being nice, he wasn’t interested like that. Why did I react to him so strongly?

“What is it?” Harry sounds annoyed at whoever’s at the door. When I finally look, it’s the man from earlier. His Alfred.

“Your presence is needed at...” he glances at me and back at Harry.

“I told you, tell her I’ll get back to her once I can-“

“It’s quite urgent,” his butler’s eyes continue flicking between the both of us.

I check the time on my phone and the movement catches Harry’s attention. I avoid looking directly at him, “I should head back home now anyway. You’re obviously busy.”

“You don’t have to,” he says in a low voice. “You can stay as long as you need.”

“I’m pretty recovered from last night,” I smile. “I think I just have some of my things in the room I stayed in.”

“Dot will get it for you,” Harry puts his hand on my back as I walk to the door. His butler continues staring at us as he moves aside and follows us out.

Dot suddenly appears with my wallet and clothes from yesterday, laundered and smelling amazing.

“Wow,” I take them from her, scanning her face to be sure she was alright. She just gives me a bright smile contrasting her icy hands. “Thank you.” I tell her and turn back to Harry, “I can’t thank you enough for last night. I was a mess and...you helped. I seriously owe you one.”

Harry’s sharp gaze settles on me and I hear a gasp from Dot. It’s like the air was sucked out of the room, I glance back at Dot and her eyes are wide. His butler also looks startled. Were they okay?

“You don’t need to,” Harry finally says. “Consider it a kindness, not a favour.”

“No no,” I walk with Harry towards the front. His house was like a maze. “Nobody is ever this kind for no reason, I’ll make it up to you.” If there was anything life taught me, strangers didn’t do things out of pure kindness. I didn’t want strings down the road. I would rather just let him know I would return the favour and have that sit between us.

His expression is unreadable as he opens the door, a woman already stands outside with a car idling on the road. Woah.

“I accept,” Harry says. I raise my eyebrow, he had an odd way of talking. That’s what made him more intriguing.

On impulse, I go to press a quick kiss to his cheek but he jerks back. I back away, my cheeks aflame, and walk out with my things in hand. The woman opens my door for me and as hard as I try, I still glance back at Harry before I get in and give him a lame wave. His gaze never leaves mine, even after I sit in. He really did just do this to help me out, I read too much into it. He obviously didn’t feel the attraction I felt.

***

“You know that sounds completely made up? I’ve never even heard of The Good Folk.”

It’s late afternoon and I’m catching Jeremy up on last night’s adventure. I didn’t think his eyes could get bigger than they already were but with each part of the story they grow wider.

“As if you know every single pub in London,” I roll my eyes at my best friend.

“If the pub was lit at 1am it must be popular enough-I would know. Where does this guy live?”

“I...” I try to remember the route we took back to my flat but it’s foggy. Maybe I was too preoccupied with getting over being rejected multiple times. But I do remember we arrived at my flat within half hour. “Right outside London but I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Doesn’t sound like you,” Jeremy nudges me. “Does somebody have a new special somebody in their life already?”

“I wish!” I really did. “He was mostly distant, nothing happened! He didn’t even let me kiss him goodbye. Plus, I just broke up with you know who.”

“We all knew that chapter was coming to a close,” Jer huffs. “You weren’t even in love with him.”

“Well,” I don’t have much to say to that. Jeremy was right, the relationship was getting colder. And after a warm bath and a meal, I could see clear enough. I was angry yesterday for letting it get to the point I was cheated on. I never had the balls to end it myself. As strong as I made myself on the outside, I hadn’t been strong enough inside to admit it and just end it.

Mostly I was scared to be alone again.

“Well,” Jeremy pulls me into a hug and kisses my forehead. “I’m going to start some dinner for us. You can go through the mail that’s been piling up for you.”

I reach for the stack he drops down beside me. Most of the bills I paid online, I put those aside. Junk, pamphlets, which just left two to actually look at. The first is a postcard from my foster sister, she was doing her gap year and made sure to send me a postcard from each country even though I’d seen her while I was away. The other is unmarked, thin. I open it and inside is just a note.

The Good Folk, tonight. 10:30pm.

Did Harry send this? I flip the paper over but it’s blank, until it catches the light and I realize the faint shimmer of a logo. It’s a spiral in the palest silver but there’s nothing else written anywhere. Maybe Harry did send it, he didn’t have my number but he did know where I lived. Maybe I was seeing him again tonight, maybe Jer was right. Butterflies take over my nervous system but I tell them not to get their hopes up. They don’t listen.

“What are you grinning at?” Jeremy calls from the kitchen—the open concept allowed him to see me.

“I might have a date tonight, half past ten,” I hold up the paper. “Harry.”

“Ooh,” he grins before it morphs into concern. “That’s late...you don’t think?”

“We’ll see,” I skim my fingers over the writing. Maybe he just wanted to talk, but if a guy wanted to see you twice in a day that usually meant something right? Even though he looked afraid everytime I went in for a kiss. I sigh. We’ll see.

***

I look back at the shops around me. I swear this was where I was last night. But the place where The Good Folk should have stood was just a Gregg’s. A Google search didn’t turn up anything so all I had to rely on was memory and even that was shoddy.

I ask a couple passing by but nobody knows what I’m talking about. Great, Harry would probably think I stood him up.

I decide to wander, maybe I’ll stumble on it again. I don’t even try to think, hoping my memory will lead me. The dark streets remind me of my near meltdown last night. It was late, if I didn’t find it in the next five minutes I was driving back.

Just as I think it, I see a familiar sign. The Good Folk. But it’s on a street corner and it was most definitely not on a corner last night. Definitely weird.

When I walk in, it’s past 10:30 and I hope Harry wouldn’t mind. I walk to the bar, even more people staring tonight than last. I definitely didn’t look how I did last night, was it just because I wasn’t a regular?

“Surprised you’re back,” the barkeep actually acknowledges me today. He has a petite woman working the counter too.

“Just meeting someone,” I say. Harry was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was late too.

“A woman like you should be careful,” he sets a drink in front of me.

“I didn’t order th-“

“I did,” a soft voice says to my left. I look at the source, and am surprised to see a blonde guy who definitely was not Harry. He did look familiar. Then I remember, I saw him last night.

“I know you. You were here yesterday-or rather this morning right?” He has kind eyes when he smiles at my question.

“Yes, I saw you come and go. I never got the chance to speak with you.”

I take a seat, may as well while I waited. As I do I remember more; he was glaring at Harry when we left. “Now’s your chance!” I smile at him and take a sip. “Woah, this is amazing.”

“I thought you might like it,” he watches me drink more. I wasn’t even halfway through and I already wanted a second. “Wild elderberry cocktail.”

“I have to remember that,” I say and make a mental note as I gulp down more.

“I never caught your name...”

“Oh, I didn’t even introduce myself how rude of-“

“Rose,” my back straightens as Harry’s familiar voice rings across the bar. What was up with him interrupting my conversations here?

“Rose,” the blonde nods, ignoring the fact that Harry had answered his question. I open my mouth to correct him, to give my real name but he gives me his. “Elliot.”

I can’t even respond because Harry suddenly crowds me. There’s a fiery heat emanating from him towards Elliot. Maybe there was something between them, and the way they glare at each other, I don’t want to find out.

“Took you long enough,” I tell Harry. But the pub is so silent you can hear a pin drop. I look around and everyone is staring at us, this must be one of those places where everyone knew everyone else. And the vibes were telling me these two must have a history.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks. “Why are you here?”

“Um, you invited me? The letter?”

“What letter,” he finally tears his eyes from Elliot and he looks fierce. My stomach drops and my eyes sting. I was such an idiot, of course he didn’t send it. Why was I so obsessed with the idea that I could mean something to this man I just met. Why was I acting like a hormonal teenager about this!?

“I got a letter to be here at 10:30...I just thought it was you I-“

“It was me,” Elliot interrupts. I look to him, his face is a breath of fresh air compared to Harry’s fiery storm.

“How did you know where I lived?” I ask but it doesn’t matter because Harry’s put his body between Elliot and I.

“You stay out of this. Leave her alone.” Harry’s words are threatening.

“She’s not yours,” Elliot says lazily. “She came of her own free will.”

“Free will? She came on an invite. By you.”

“An invite is just that. Her choice.”

“Stay away toadstool, if you touch a single-“

“Hey!” I use my hands to pry them apart. “I’m sitting right here! And I don’t need a knight in shining bloody armour. You,” I turn to Harry. “Don’t need to worry about me. It’s not like you want me. Elliot invited me out, I’m here for him. Not you.”

If I thought it was silent before, it was void of even a breath now. Harry looks like steam could be coming out of him and just like a switch, he backs away and straightens out. His face falls into neutral as he nods.

“As you wish.” He turns, with a last cold look at Elliot, he walks out. Everyone watches him go and as soon as he does there’s a burst of excited chatter.

“What was that about,” I turn to Elliot.

“The past.” He says vaguely before ordering me a second drink. I didn’t even realise I stress drank the first one.

The bartender eyes me as he hands me over the drink.

“Thanks,” I slide it closer to me.

“Remember what I said,” he mumbles as he glances at Elliot and walks away. Did everyone have something against Elliot? But when I look at him he looks too sweet to have ever done something bad enough to hold a grudge. Everything but his eyes, there’s an icy glint to them that wasn’t there before Harry interrupted. The past must be something formidable.

“Let’s go to my table,” Elliot gestures to where he was sitting yesterday. I follow with mixed feelings. Eventually, I decide I was just here for fun. It wasn’t that serious.

***

Dawn creeps on the horizon, and I’m surprised to see it as Elliot helps me into my coat.

“How has it been hours?” I ask as I slip my hands in. “We’ve been talking for so long!”

“I guess so,” Elliot lets go of the jacket and I untuck my hair from underneath. Tonight was...so different than any I’ve ever had. Elliot and I had just talked all night, I barely remember about what. He was funny too. And The Good Folk stayed open with people in and out all night. “It was nice to get to know you.”

“This place is busy as ever, does it ever close?” I glance at the patrons. Some of them don’t even hide their open stare. I was starting to get used to it.

“Closes at sunrise.” Elliot stares.

“Sunrise? It must open late then. That’s an odd schedule.” I think about what Jer said. A place like this would be infamous in London, why had nobody heard of it?

“It’s open sunset to sunrise.”

“Interesting.” I follow Elliot out into the street. The sky is brightening, the midnight black turning into a deep sea blue.

“This is where we part ways Rose.” He says Rose like an enchantment, and my body wants to move closer but I stay where I am. He continues studying me the way he had been all night. I had been studying him too.

“It was really nice. Tonight.”

“I enjoyed myself. Despite the nuisance from early on.”

“Nuisance?” I ask. “Oh. Harry?”

“Harry,” his lip curls. The boyish sweetness bitters before washing away again. “Don’t mind him.”

“Oh I don’t. He helped me out in a pinch yesterday but otherwise I barely know him.”

“In a…pinch?”

“Yeah. It was pretty bad but,” I shrug. “Anyway. I should get home. My friend might start to worry.”

“Of course Rose,” Elliot says. He eyes me for a moment. His brow tightens and he continues, “Maybe I’ll see you again?”

“Maybe,” my heart picks up its pace. “We’ll see.”

His smile stretches his lips, he seemed amused.

With a nod he walks away and turns the corner. I stand there even after I’m unable to see him, and smile into my scarf. I just had an all nighter date with a cute guy who seemed interested in me.

When I tell Jer this he just scoffs.

“Be careful,” he reminds me. “Firstly I’ve never heard of this bar. Secondly how the fuck did this Elliot guy get your address? And thirdly, you don’t get involved with two guys with history. Trust me.”

“Jer,” I roll my eyes. “Okay. The address thing is weird, maybe I said it out loud when I was trying to get a ride home?”

“Still creepy! Hold on-“ he picks up his ringing phone and I wait.

Aside from the address thing, sure. It was a big weird. But Elliot did not give off creepy vibes. I just had to do some more digging if I was interested.

Was I interested? I think of Elliot’s amused blue eyes and blonde hair, his laugh, and the way he made most of the night about me. He didn’t try to kiss me or take me home. We just talked. It was nice.

My mind wanders to Harry. He had taken me home, taken care of everything. Was respectful. But he was kind of overprotective, and aloof. I didn’t care for that.

Elliot was open whereas Harry was hard to read-

“Are you even listening,” Jeremy snaps his fingers in front of my face.

“Huh?” I look up and in the time I had gotten lost in my thoughts, Jeremy had changed into his parka and his boyfriend stands beside him ready to leave.

“Y/N get some rest. I’m worried about you. You can’t just go from one relationship—even if it was a dying one, and hop into a love triangle.”

“Love triangles are messy,” Bryce comments.

“I know! Promise me you’ll take a break. Process your last relationship before you jump into anything new?”

He was right. Of course he was. It had just been such a long time since I felt wanted that I was letting it fuck me up like I was a teen madly in love. I barely knew them. And I’d forgotten all about my cheating ex. On one hand it was good, but I couldn’t slide into anything new.

“Okay. Promise.”

“Good.” Jer sighs. “We’ll be out of your hair by tonight so don’t make me worry about you.”

“What? Why? You two stay the week like I promised!”

“No we need to head back north. He misses the countryside,” Jer points back to his partner.

��The cow shite can wait Bryce, please? Keep me company longer?!”

Jer hugs me against him. “We’ll do lunch today before we’re off okay? Get some sleep though.”

I’ve known Jeremy since I was 11 and he was 10. I had just been placed in a new foster home, the third one I’d been in since I was 6. Jeremy had arrived a month before me, he’d been in the system since he was 9. He had given me the downlow on who to avoid and who was nice, in return I’d stuck up for him when he was picked on. He was a tiny thing then, scrawny and wide-eyed. I had been weathered by the system and didn’t care who was nice and who you had to avoid. I learned after my first home you had to become the person to avoid, and then leave everyone else alone.

We were separated a few years later and found each other on the streets when I was 17 and he was 16. When I turned 18, saved enough money to rent a shitty flat with another girl, I let him crash with me until he could afford his own rent.

We always looked out for each other. He was one of 3 people I considered family. So when he gives me advice, I take it.

***

“No I’m telling you she works at Boots and she complimented my eyeliner.” Jer bangs the table. We’re sat at lunch, a couple day drinks in. “I was like bitch you spat on me when we were 12 and called me ten different kind of slurs!”

“Shut up!” I cover my mouth. “I need to see it for myself.”

“Tomorrow. Visit her. I wonder if she’ll recognize you.”

“Probably not. I look pretty different.” These days I dyed my hair a triage of browns and blondes and grew out of my baby face.

“True. She might compliment your hair.”

“She better not. She used to make fun of how frizzy it got-“

“Until you woke her up with scissors over her hair one night.”

“Shh,” I laugh. “Don’t say my crazy so publicly.”

“It’s not your crazy,” Jer grabs my hand. “It’s what kept you alive. Us.”

We grow quiet as the heavier bits of the memories sink in.

“It was tiring,” I slip my hand away. “Always being switched on. Even now, I can’t help it.”

“Until it comes to men. Then my good friend y/n goes poof and this stranger appears.”

I sigh, I had issues. “I can’t help being fucked up. It’s just like, when I sense they want me something inside me lights up. And I tell myself to calm down but all rational thought disappears!”

“Girl trust me I get it. Until I met Bryce, I was sharing beds with so many people.”

“I remember.” Back then it was me picking him up from random parts of town after being kicked out by a spouse home too early, or a partner back from out of town.

“What’s that bloke’s name? Harry was it? He didn’t want you-“

“Ouch! I know!”

“No not like that!” Jer says. “You seemed into him the first night you came back. Even though he wasn’t into you.”

“Yeah. Maybe just cuz he was nice. Why is finding love so hard? I feel like I’m not cut out for it!”

“You want a love that transcends everything because you read too much romance.”

“Stop being dramatic,” I roll my eyes. But it was true, romance novels were my vice. I couldn’t help but believe in true love.

The one thing I knew about my parents is that my mum died in childbirth and my dad died when I was 3 from heartbreak. He loved her more than he could love the sum of the two of them. He left me behind for her. That was true love.

I had a whole of 2 pictures from my life. One of my mum pregnant with me. Another of my mum and dad before they got pregnant I think. The way they looked at each other—I just want a slice of that. I always believed true love existed simply because I knew the story of my parents.

“Okay. Bryce is texting me nonstop let me see what he wants.” Jer leaves me at the table. I sigh and sip my wine, wishing I wasn’t such a hopeless romantic.

It was the part of me that always got hurt. Every other part I had learned to grow armour on but the part of me that yearned never learned how to.

My chest aches as I think about the love I don’t have. I feel it in the air around me as it quivers with something that feels akin to mourning.

“What are you doing?” I hear from the table next to me. There was a couple seated after us, Jer and I guessed they were colleagues. It was a game we liked to play—guessing the lives of people around us. We’d done it as long as we could remember.

The woman slides her hand up the man’s arm. He’s the one that asked the question. He doesn’t seem into it.

“Sorry,” Jer says, sitting back down just as the woman jerks back.

“I uh-“ she pushes her chair back. “Sorry I don’t know what-“

“Uh oh,” I look at Jer. “They just blurred some coworker lines.”

“No it’s okay. Mags wait-“ the guy manages to her back in her seat and they talk too low to hear.

“Juicy,” we eye them for a few seconds.

“Bryce is picking me up in 15, we need to start heading back otherwise we’ll be driving in traffic.”

“I wish you stayed the week.” I pout.

“Your 1.5 bedroom flat isn’t big enough for all of us. Call me when you finally get that promotion and buy a bigger flat.”

“You’ll be the first person I call. You know that.”

“I know that.” He smiles.

“When will you be in town next?”

“Not for a while unless my best friend decides to do something stupid.”

“I won’t,” I promise him. “Maybe I’ll come up to you in November.”

“Open invitation.” Jer reminds me.

I go home to an emptier flat, it makes me feel more lonely than I should. I never had a lot of people in my life, I’d grown accustomed to being alone. To loneliness.

But as an adult, the pangs dug in just as deep.

I soothe it by falling asleep early.

All I remember of my dreams are intense colours and emotions, vibrant landscapes and a looming sense of dread. I wake up drenched in sweat, the second time that week that my dreams were that intense. Maybe I should be visiting a doctor.

***

I feel like I’m wasting potential as I sit in my flat on a Friday night. I had been laying on my couch for the last two hours, first scrolling through my phone, then being jumpscared by a post from my ex, then zoning out to a movie, before going back on my phone.

The cycle is vicious. And all I can think of is Elliot. No. I couldn’t think of Elliot.

Maybe I should join one of those dating apps. Hopeless romantic looking for true love, but also dtf to fill the time.

God. I was miserable.

Something inside me is drawn to go back to the pub. To the patrons that loved to stare. To the pair of eyes I didn’t mind stared.

“Jer said no.” I say out loud. Well, he didn’t say no. Just not to do anything rash. To process my emotions. “Fine.”

I continue laying on my couch. Let my ex flit through my mind. I thought I loved him. I think I just liked the idea of him. After the initial lover phase, we were really in two different places all the time.

I sink deeper into the couch. Who have I loved? Have I ever lover anyone romantically?

I remember a guy I dated when I was 24. It lasted 8 months and 14 days. Jer had had to sleep on the couch for a week because the day I was broken up with I’d found my way to his flat, crashed on his bed, and stayed glued onto his mattress.

Until he had to physically carry me into a shower and spray me with water. But that’s another story.

He was the closes thing I felt to love. To loved. He moved to Mexico. I remember he told me it was wrong timing. I remember thinking I was cursed.

I sink further and further into the couch.

I was 28 and never really loved anyone. How pathetic was that?

Suddenly I can’t breathe. It feels like the couch was drowning me whole like quicksand.

Even pulling myself out feels like quicksand, I use all my strength to sit up and only then do my lungs inflate with a deep breath.

“Holy fuck.” I gasp.

What the fuck was that!?

I look back at my couch but it looks back the exact same. It felt like it was swallowing me moment earlier. What the fuck!

I had to get out of here.

That’s how I find myself at the local corner store buying junk, and browsing the crisps.

“Sweet tooth?”

“Huh?” I nearly jump at the sight of Elliot. “Wha-Elliot?”

“Rose.”

“What are you…are you stalking me?”

“Stalking?”

“What are you doing here?”

He tucks his hands in his pockets, that’s when I note how casual he was dressed. Slacks and a half-zip.

“I was at a party nearby,” his eyes flicker over the items in my hand.

“Weird coincidence.” He knew my address, I knew that.

“It might appear that way. What are you doing now?”

“Um…” I glance down at my hands. “Buying…stuff.”

“Want to join us? The party’s by the water.”

If it was a fake party he wouldn’t be inviting me. Unless he was going to take me to a second location to do something worse.

“I’m busy so…”

“Oh. My apologies.” He gets formal very quickly but his eyes crinkle with a smile, the blueish grey drawing me in. “I’ll let you get on.”

“Well,” he wasn’t pushy. Maybe I should see this party. See the people he hung out with. “Maybe I can drop by for a little bit? It’s nearby?”

“10 minute by walking.”

“I don’t need this then,” I pool my items onto a random shelf. “We can go when you want.”

He goes to the front with his items and at the last second I buy a pack of cigarettes. I tried to drop the habit many times but ever since I got back from my vacation I’d picked it up again. I tried not to blame my ex.

“Those aren’t very good for you.” Elliot eyes the pack as I slip them into my pocket.

“You’re telling me you’ve never smoked a cigarette in your life?”

“I have. It doesn’t taste very good.”

“I don’t think they’re supposed to taste good,” I can’t help but laugh.

“So what are they good for?” He asks and it’s so bizarre because he seemed genuinely curious about it.

“Um? Stress relief? Comfort?”

“Sounds like something a lover should offer.”

I nearly walk into traffic when he says it. So bluntly. Kind of like how Harry spoke. I wonder if they just grew up so rich they were from another world.

“Sure if you have one. Lovers are fleeting and temporary. Cigarettes—they’re permanent. Until I guess…you fuck your lungs up so much you become fleeting and temporary. Shit sorry.”

Elliot looks at me with confusion, like I was speaking an alien language. Maybe he didn’t get the joke. I dunno. I grow quiet instead.

“So what exactly is it you do?” I ask after a bout of silence. I can’t remember if he’s told me this in our conversation the other night.

“What do you mean I do?”

“Like in life? To earn money and all that?”

“In life? I lead.”

I glance up at him after the douchey answer. Oh he was serious.

“Cool so you’re like, upper management at your company or like you own the business?”

He cocks his head, “I manage my company yes. But I don’t own anything yet. I report to someone above me.”

“Right.” He was being very literal. And it sounded like nepotism. I didn’t want the headache of knowing what his company did so I don’t bother with more questions.

He leads me down a set of steps and to the canal. People sit along the grassy bank and I’m a bit surprised to see them.

“Elliot my man!” Someone shouts. “Did you bring the beer?”

Elliot holds up a hand holding two cases. I think back, I don’t remember him buying two. But I could have been too busy checking out his backside. I needed help.

“So Rose,” Elliot says after handing the drinks over. “I would like to see you again. Talk some more. Maybe come clean about all this.”

“All what?” I ask.

“The truth of your parents, how you came to The Good Folk-“

“My parents?” What did he know about my parents?

“Yes. You spoke about them the other night.”

“I did?” I blink to clear the cobwebs but I have a hard time recalling exactly what Elliot and I discussed. Mostly just that it was a nice time.

“Rose,” Elliot gets out in front of me and places a hand on my shoulder. His eyes are intense as they bore into me. “I’m not a threat. I was only curious.”

What a weird fucking thing to say.

I pull my cigarettes out. “I need a smoke.”

“Need?” He lets go of my shoulder, eyebrow raised. “Is it all consuming?”

“Sure?” I just needed to step away. There were too many people around for this not to be safe but I wanted space from Elliot. He was being weird.

“Understood.” He backs away. “I’ll wait until the need is satisfied.”

“Thanks?” I mutter. I step away and as soon as I do at least 3 women replace me and tug at him to join their group. His eyes linger on mine as he walks away with them and I look away.

I move further away from the group, closer to the underpass of a small bridge.

I take out a cigarette and place it in my mouth before I pat my pockets, and realize I had no lighter.

Shite.

I note a few people sitting around, a bright dot hovering around their faces. People had lighters. I could ask one of them.

But the more I look at everyone, the more I want to stay in the shadows. What was I doing here? Jer would kill me if he found out. Maybe I should text him. No, he’d freak out. Fuck!

I lean against the stone wall, pressing my lips against the cigarette still dangling in my mouth. The paper glides smoothly between my lips, the familiar smell of tobacco drifting up to my nose.

The air around me grows cooler and I close my eyes, tilting my head back. Trying to ground myself. The stone is uneven behind my head but it doesn’t matter. I feel cloaked in the dark, embraced by it. I feel safe.

I take a few deep breaths, the joint between my lips a prop for the time being.

As my body relaxes and my mind wanders, Harry’s face materializes before me; if I wasn’t so relaxed it might have scared me.

His green eyes search mine like they’d done before. He leans in closer, the darkness surrounding him. The only light comes from a smoke between his own lips. It throws shadows on his cheekbones, making him look like he was carved from marble.

We’re locked in a staring contest but it doesn’t feel weird. He’s part of the darkness, staring into his eyes keeps me grounded.

He leans down, closer to me. The orange tip of his cigarette touches mine and I can even feel the heat of it, smell the smoky air around us.

I inhale slowly, its an intimate gesture—him giving me light. My smoke catches fire and he leans away with a small smirk, away until the darkness swallows him and I’m alone again.

I take in a deep breath to sigh but smoke shoots down my throat.

I throw my eyes wide open as I cough. The cigarette goes flying out of my mouth and my eyes water.

“What the fuck?” I cough out uncontrollably.

My cigarette lies on the ground in front of me, dying embers on its tip.

What. I crouch down and it really is mine. How could that be?

I hold it to my lips and inhale. Exhale.

It was lit.

I whip my head around, was Harry here? Did I not imagine that?

But the closest person is making out with someone else on the other side of the bridge. No one had been here. Unless they’d lit it while I had my eyes closed and walked away.

A chill goes up my spine.

I had to go home. This was getting weird.

When I tell Elliot I was going to go home he’s flanked by half a dozen girls. They look at me with disdain but I ignore it. I was used to looks like that.

“You had your cigarette?” Elliot asks.

“Yeah. Oh. Sorry I didn’t offer one. Did you want-“

“That’s not my smoking preference,” he smiles and he’s the man in the pub again. Kind eyes and an infectious smile. “Meet me at the pub one of these nights Rose?”

“I can’t promise anything,” I play with the pack in my pocket, eager to leave.

“I don’t expect you to,” Elliot says seriously.

“Okay. Well. I’ll try to make it.”

“Great.”

I leave behind a weary smile and hitch it back home.

***

I wake up again drenched in sweat. This whole week I’d been having intense dreams, but all I remember when I wake up is how chaotic it was. The rest slips away like sand in the breeze. It’s frustrating because they feel similar, like I should be remembering what they’re saying.

“Have you been smoking pot?” Lydia asks. I’m back at work that Monday and I’m detailing to my friend who’s serving me my coffee.

Lydia and I met in uni when we were 19. Like all people, I’d been wary and guarded with her back then. But she’d been persistent and earned my trust somehow. We’d been best friends since. I’d watched her come up with and execute this idea of owning her own cafe all on her own. It was London’s top 5 book cafes. And even though it was out of my way I tried to come here most days for coffee.

“No, but it’s making me sleep so shitty.” I complain. “I wish I could just pop a nyquil and call it quits for the night.”

“I can hook you up with magnesium? It’s supposed to be superb.”

I grab my cup from her, “I’ll get super drunk tonight. Blackout for free.”

“Not alone,” she comes around the counter and hugs me. “You were mia this last week. I’m coming over with wine tonight and you catch me up on it.”

I sigh and agree. It would be a lot to cover.

The work day is lost in the bustle of catching up and meetings. By the time I see Lydia again I feel like someone could tip me over and I’d crash. But after putting on some face masks and pouring a generous helping of wine I settle in and tell her all about it.

“So mysterious,” she says when I’m done. Obviously I leave out the weird parts, like the pub moving physically and having my cig light up on its own because I’m not even entirely sure it happened. “The Harry guy seems like a gentleman. The other bloke seems a bit too coincidental to not be creepy.”

“But Harry was being so possessive.”

“Pink flag?” Lydia asks.

“Maybe. Jer said to stay away from it all. Honestly I need a man break? I think after my last relationship I just need to be alone again. I’ve been trying to fill the hole of loneliness with who I can date next. It’s gross.”

“It’s not gross,” she nudges me. “It’s human. Wanting connection.”

“Yeah,” I think on it. “I guess it is. Lord knows I didn’t get enough of it as a child.”

“There you go. We can’t help it. But maybe I agree with Jer? Lay off the relationships. Doesn’t mean you can’t do the horizontal mambo with whoever you want.”

“Dee!” I laugh. “Why do you have the worst names.”

She smirks behind her wine glass, probably considering it a win for making me laugh.

She stops herself early since she had to get back home and I carry the remains of the bottle to bed. Wine made me sleepy and just the same I knock out shortly after. And I don’t wake with a fright the next morning but as my dreams drift away I know they were crazy. This time I remember something about sticks. Random but I remember.

As I ride the tube to work I try to keep a reign on my hangover. I’d had plenty of water last night and popped some painkillers this morning yet my vision is blurry and everyone looks hazy around the edges.

I look to the woman sitting in front of me. She looked pleasant enough but there’s a ring of gray around her that bleeds into the pink of a little boy sitting next to her. His feet don’t quite hit the ground and they swish back and forth. It’s mesmerizing actually and I nearly miss my stop.

You’d think it gets better but the haziness stays the whole day. I should book an eye doctor too, I think somewhere in my brain. Whatever Lydia brought over last night was strong.

On Friday night Lydia invites me over to her place. She had a few friends over that was part of her couple group—her and partner Damon. And I hung out with them occasionally. With not much else to do I join them.

The week had been taxing and I’d had random bursts of feeling off throughout but I never got sick. Googling anything just told me I should rest, that I should expect a migraine after seeing these bursts of colours, that maybe I had a tumour. But nothing pans out.

“Ouch,” Damon says when he opens the door to me.

“That’s rude.” I shove the bottle I brought in his chest and move past him. I hear Lydia humming in her room and head straight to it.

“Something fucked up happened in the flat nex-“ She gasps when she sees me. “Y/N! Love are you alright!?”

“I’m fine—no I’m not. I think I’m going mad. Like proper mad.”

“No sit. Sit!” She pats her bed and kneels in front of me. “Damo can you get Y/N some water!?”

“Sorry. I wasn’t going to show. But I thought sitting in my flat would be worse-“

“Are you sick?” She lays a hand on my forehead. “Your temp’s alright.”

“I’m not sick! The doctor’s won’t prescribe me anything because I’m not anything! I’ve just had the shittiest sleep of my life the last week, I keep getting these weird migraine symptoms without the migraines, and I keep thinking I see something in the corner of my eye and I don’t! Nothing’s there!”

That was something that was new yesterday. Shapes moving around me but when I look everything is normal and still.

“Fuck!” Damon walks into the room just as the glass he’s holding breaks. “What the-“

“Nobody move!” Lydia screeches and I am so on edge I nearly scream at her to quiet down. “Damon what the actual fuck!?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t drop it it literally combusted in my hand.”

“You were probably squeezing it!” Dee accuses him.

“It was probably after getting one look at her,” Damon points to me. I flip him off and lay back onto the bed. I couldn’t even offer any help to pick up the glass.

I take a deep breath in, and out. In. And out.

I drift off, I imagine myself in the clouds, drifting through the air. I imagine a clean gust of air flowing into my lungs. And then out.

When I finally come back to reality Damo is emptying the glass into the bin and Lydia is dragging a wet rag across the floor.

“I’m sorry,” I sit up. “I should help.”

“No.” Damon holds his hand up at the same time Lydia does. “Just go to sleep if you need it. Just don’t worry about this. Or the party. Seriously y/n.”

“Yeah,” Dee puts her hands on her hips. “We’re worried about you. Just take it easy.”

“I feel a bit better. I just needed a moment. Riding the tube had been sensory overload lately.”

“Stay in our guest bed tonight,” Dee offers, glancing at Damon who nods. “Change of scenery.”

As Lydia’s friends arrive I take my spot amongst them. I engage in light catching up, I wasn’t against socializing but tonight I mostly listen.

I try to ignore the way the room changes around the people who talk. Sometimes it feels comforting and orange and other times the temperature drops and it feels like everything is metallic. It sounded mental but that’s how it felt.

The more I drink the more the colours come back.

Lydia’s is like a sunset and as the night goes on it deepens. Damon’s is like Christmas lights, red bleeding into a deep green.

A few friends have similar colours, others complement each other’s. I wonder for a brief moment if anything I ate had pot but nobody says anything.

As the company loosens, I step outside for a smoke.

Halfway through one, I hear the door open behind me and close.

“Doing that again?”

I turn to the familiar face. Sean, I’d known him since final year at uni. We’d been casual friends but with him being Damon’s brother we interacted frequently enough it was more than casual with how much we knew about each other but we weren’t friends enough to ever hang out alone. He’s actually how Damon and Dee met.

“I’m gonna stop.”

“Like always.”

“If you followed me out here to judge me I’m good.”

“I didn’t. I just got here and I saw you alone outside.” He walks up next to me. He brings with him warmth and even though it’s not too cold outside I can’t help but savour it.

“You got here late.” I comment. “You want one?”

“I quit last year y/n.” He reminds me.

“So did I,” I say wryly. He cracks a smile, it’s toothy. The same smile he’s always had.

“One of my friends had a kid a few weeks ago. I was dropping some food off, ended up staying too long.”

“Wow. A kid huh?” I knew people my age—hell, people younger than me, were settled with children. I just couldn’t imagine it.

“Yeah.” He blows air out of his cheeks. “When he first told me he was pregnant I actually said What are you gonna do?!”

“Oh shit,” I look at him. “Was he upset?”

“He thought it was funny,” he glances back to me. “I forget we’re closer to 30 than 20 these days.”

“Tell me about it.”

Sean brushes his hair back, he tended to grow it out and then surprise everyone and shave it every so often. I wondered when the next surprise would be.

The longer I look at him the more his edges light up. It’s a deep blue, it blends into the night but when he steps back against the balcony doors it’s easier to see. It spreads outwards into a purple.

Sean glances back into the house and back to me.

“Are you thinking it’ll be those two next?”

“Huh?” I realize it looks like I was looking inside rather than around him. “Oh. Those two? Maybe not next but soon.”

“She keeps pushing the wedding date. Settling on one I mean.” Sean says. I raise my brow and he explains. “My brother told me. What’s up with that?”

A ripple of something flows through me. It aches a little. I step back to a chair and sit down.

I think about everything I knew about Lydia. I knew why. We all had childhood problems—her mum was trapped in her relationship with Dee’s dad and the Lydia I knew told me she would never sign a contract to keep a relationship. It had surprised the hell out of me when she said yes a couple years ago. But I guess she was now coming around to realizing she would have to give up the one thing she swore she’d never do.

“Damon probably knows about Dee’s parents,” I say. “Maybe tell him to jog his brain a little. Put the pieces together.”

Sean chokes out a laugh. “Okay. Whatever that means. Hey what about you? What happened to office guy?”

“That’s over,” I say.

“Shit. I’m gonna grab a drink first. Then I want to hear about it.”

“There’s nothing to…” Sean’s gone before he can hear me out. I sigh. I came out here to be alone.

I look out to the view, I would never get tired of this city. Its streets ran through me like my veins. I loved it here.

I can see the train going past and I think of the people on it. People with so many different colours.

I hear sniffling and look to the door but Sean’s still not back.

I turn to the divider behind me. It sounded like it was coming from there. I inch back and it’s distinct. Someone on the other side of this balcony was crying.

“Hello?” I call out. But they don’t respond. Oh god, what was neighbourly etiquette? Do i acknowledge it or ignore it?

Wait. I wasn’t even a neighbour here.

I walk to the edge and lean over so I can get a look into the balcony. I was right. A woman with cropped hair and a pantsuit on cries into her hand.

“Hey, sorry I don’t mean to intrude but-“

I gasp when she looks up at me. So does she. Her eyes are pools of black. Or it looks that way in the light. She swivels her head behind her but there’s nobody there. She looks back to me and points to herself.

“Yeah! You!” I laugh. “What’s wrong? Are you alright? Are you safe?”

“I-“ she takes a step back. “Who-“

“I don’t live here. Sorry i know I’m being nosey,” I let her know. “I just heard you crying and-“

“I’m not okay,” the woman has a thick accent. It sound Baltic. “How do you see me?”

“Uhh,” I try to make sense of her question and answer, hoping I didn’t lose it in her translation. “You look sad. You’re crying obviously you’re sad I just-“

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispers.

“What do you mean?”

“I stay here or I move on. I’m scared.”

“Oh. Move on like move out? Where are you moving?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know

“Well where are the people you love? Who love you?” I always imagined leaving this city, this country. Build a life far away. But every time it came back to being close to the few I loved or not. And every time I chose them.

“Here.” She sniffles. “In the end I wanted to stay.”

“If it matters to you, I’d vote stay. But I also don’t know your life so-“

“Y/n?”

“Huh?” I whip my head to the sound of my name. Sean closes the door behind him, two beers in hand, concern etched into his face.

“Are you…talking to someone?”

“Oh yeah,” I whisper. “The woman there seemed upset.”

I lean over again to apologize but she’s gone. Damnit.

“Nevermind. She left.”

“Are you fucking with me? There was a woman there?” Sean asks.

“Yeah! I just wanted to make sure she was alright.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“Didn’t you hear? About next door?”

“What?”

“The woman next door attempted…yknow. To end her life. But since we’re on the second floor it…she’s like, in the hospital now. On life support.”

“What?” My heart sinks. Lydia was saying something fucked up when I walked in. Is that what it was? “Maybe that was her sister crying? Or her lover?”

“No it’s empty. It’s got tape all over it until police clear it.”

My heart sinks even lower. I feel it like a lead weight. Who was the woman I was talking to?

“Anyway tell me about your tragedy,” Sean hands me a beer and I take it, my mind still reeling from the news.

“Um. It’s not really one. The relationship fizzled out.”

“Really? That’s it?”

“Well what about you? Last Christmas I heard you were dating a hot goth?”

“Who said that? Damo?”

“Maybe? So?”

“No! I brought her to a party but it wasn’t serious. And she wasn’t a goth. Just wore all black jeez.”

I laugh and the colours on the edge of Sean melt into pink. It’s a pretty sight even if it’s just in my head.

“I haven’t been all that lucky in love,” Sean sighs. He glances back inside. “But I look at my brother and think if he can find it I can too.”

It makes me laugh. Sean and I have always teamed up to shit on Damo for no other reason than it was fun. I never had siblings growing up and the dynamic, I imagine, felt like one.

“Do you see kids in the future?” He asks out of nowhere.

“Woah. Um. I don’t know. I can’t imagine it honestly, with the childhood I had…”

Sean nods. “I think you’d actually understand exactly what a child would need. I think you’d be good raising a child.”

“Maybe,” I shrug. “I think I’m also going insane so right now it’s a no.”

He chuckles. “Was that part of your insane bit? Talking to a ghost next door?”

When he says the G word a shiver travels down my spine. I remember the stranger seemed surprised I was talking to her.

No. It couldn’t be. I didn’t even believe in ghosts. The police must have lifted the tape. It was her relative or something.

“I think I’m a little drunk.” I change the subject.

“How are you getting home?” Sean asks.

“Might crash here. I…I think I’m actually going inside now.”

“Oh-oh yeah okay,” Sean steps aside so I can walk past him. He was like a human furnace with how warm he was. I leave him outside and head straight to the guest room. I couldn’t stay here. I didn’t want to worry my friends or do something crazy. The woman next door freaked me out too much.

I grab my jacket and purse and sneak out, texting Lydia an apology once I start walking home.

I thought about taking the train but I couldn’t handle the people. If I walked for a half hour there was a bus that was 10 minutes to my flat.

So I walk in the quiet night, interrupted by the occasional car or group of friends. I spot a fox as I walk and keep to my side of the street. I watch the silhouettes of the trees move gently in the light breeze, I watch as squares of light flick on or off as its inhabitants live their lives. I feel apart of it and outside of it.

I’ve always viewed the world this. I always feel I was this way—apart of something bigger but also on the periphery. Maybe it was growing up in the foster system, or simply always wearing my armour in order to survive. All I ever wanted was people. People to call all my own. Where I was so deep into something bigger that I never questioned where I stood.

Nearly to the bus stop I hear a familiar tune in the air. My palms go clammy as I follow it. I know where I was going to end up. But I was in a completely different part of town. So it was actually impossible.

And there it is. The Good Folk.

What the fuck was this sorcery.

The cherry on top: standing outside arguing with a woman was Harry.

My feet lead me without a single thought in my head.

[harrysfolklore]

charles leclerc simping over his girlfriend: a compilation

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON | charles smau | charles headcanon

PART TWO

No matter where Charles went or what he did, one thing was constant - he simply could not stop talking about his girlfriend.

He was utterly smitten, and it showed through his words and massive smile every time her name came up. Fans quickly noticed Charles' habit of gushing over YN in interviews, on social media, with reporters, and even during casual interactions.

It became such a phenomenon that Formula 1 super-fans began compiling clips of Charles being a total simp for his girl into viral videos.

The most popular one was called "Charles Leclerc simping over his girlfriend: a compilation, and the 15-minute long video compiled some of the most hilarious, heartwarming, and over-the-top examples of the F1 star's borderline obsession with his girlfriend.

It opened with a clip from Charles' interview on Sky Sports before the Monaco Grand Prix. The reporter asked how special it was racing at his home circuit.

"It's amazing driving here where I grew up," Charles said with a huge smile. "But honestly, the best part is having my girlfriend YN here supporting me, this is already such a special race but having her here just adds another layer to it."

"Could you say that you have a good luck charm with you today?" the reporter asked again.

"Definitely, she's always my good luck charm."

The next clip was from Charles and Carlos' music challenge for Ferrari's YouTube channel, they had to guess the song that was playing with just a three second snippet.

"As it was, Harry Styles!" Charles said and rang the small bell that was placed in the middle of them as soon as he heard the first second of the intro.

"You've been practicing," Carlos stated as he pointed at him raising an eyebrow.

"I love this song," Charles said to the camera, "My girlfriend is obsessed with it, she plays it every day."

"And you talk about her every day," Carlos teased, elbowing him.

"I do, I do."

The video moved to show Charles with some fans, he was getting his luggage after a flight and they approached him asking for a picture, one of them filming the whole interaction.

"Of course, no problem at all," Charles replied warmly with a small smile on his face.

As he posed for a picture with the group, Charles noticed that one of the fans was wearing a Taylor Swift shirt. His eyes lit up with recognition and a smile spread across his face.

"I see you're a Taylor Swift fan," Charles remarked, pointing to the shirt. "My girlfriend loves Taylor too. She's always playing her songs around the house and talking about her."

"Wow, that's so cool!" the fan's eyes widened in surprise, "What's her favorite song?" they asked.

"I think her favorite is 'Love Story," Charles chuckled, "She says it reminds her of us."

"That's such a classic! Your girlfriend has great taste," the fan said.

"Thank you, I'll let her know you said that."

The next clip was from Charles' interview promoting his new ice cream brand called LEC, a reporter had asked him how did he come up with the creative names for each flavor.

"It was a teamwork between me and my girlfriend, actually," he replied with a smile, "She played a huge part on this project, everyone knows I could't had come up with Vanillove and Pistachi-on on my own."

The video then cut to a clip from the F1 Grill the Grid challenge, where drivers were playing 'Never Have I Ever", when asked "Have you ever missed a flight?", Charles immediately knew his answer."

"I have, more than once," he said, quickly adding, "But it wasn't my fault, my girlfriend has this long morning routine that she refuses to skip, even though she looks beautiful no matter what."

The video also included footage of Charles during a press conference before the Australia Grand Prix, a reporter asked him about his pre-race rituals.

"Well, I have a few things I like to do before getting into the car," Charles began. "But one thing that's become a bit of a tradition is a phone call with my girlfriend. No matter where we are in the world, we always find time to talk before the race if she's not there."

"What do you two usually talk about?"

"Oh, just the usual stuff," Charles replied with a grin. "She gives me some last-minute words of encouragement, tells me to be safe, that sort of thing. It's nice to hear her voice before such a big moment."

A clip form Charles' 'One week in Los Angeles' was also included, he was playing around at the basketball course shirtless.

"No way!" he said after he missed the basket again, "This is making me look really bad, I need to impress my girl."

The camera panned to her for a moment, and Charles sent a wink her way.

"Are you impressed, love? he asked, throwing the ball and missing once again.

"Very, but not by your basketball skills."

The compilation went on and on, clip after clip of Charles finding any opportunity to mention his girlfriend and proclaim his love for her. From the most casual conversations to the highest-pressure interviews, he just could not help himself from gushing.

As the video ended, the caption displayed: "Get yourself a man who loves you like Charles loves YN."

[hesbunnies]

✨️ here's a list of my favorite harry styles smut one-shots ✨️

* this is part 1! part 2 here! part 3 here!

@gurugirl

• the scientist & the stripper | part 2 | part 3

• again & again

• the work call quickie

• a public nuisance

• dirty & rough

• the italy blurb

• bad morning

• next door neighbors | part 2

• daddy's pretty girl

• little flower

• use me up

• assistance needed

@lukesaprince

• best friend’s brother | part 2

• eavesdropper | part 2

• double booked

• bad idea, right?

• painted on your back

• daddy does it better

• ruin me

• the other man

• “that’s it … that’s my girl one"

• "aw, it hurts? too bad. you're gonna keep taking it until i’m satisfied"

@jarofstyles

• waterfalls

• crush

• watermelon sugar

• toxic | do you fell me now?

• throug my eyes

• sea view

• one more night of freedom

• cowboy!harry pickup truck sex

• dom!harry knowing someone can hear

• cock worship

• dom!harry talking dirty at dinner with their friends

• harry can’t keep his hands out of y/n’s panties

• mean!dom can’t swallow

• hickey

• bffrry daddy

• mean!dom h

• glasses

• thinking about a fan

• mean dom blowie

• shy y/n saying ‘daddy’ 1st time

• size kink

• mean dom

• nerdrry overstimulating

[cherrysdeck]

Pick a card: The eyes Chico, they never lie.

Your future spouse's pov of you.

Remember: Take only what resonates, this is a general reading. Tarot readings are done with entertainment purposes only. Hope you like it!

Pile 1 -> 4

Pile 1

2 of cups, page of cups, the fool, 7 of wands, queen of cups, 2 of swords

Welcome to your reading pile 1! Ironically (because of my blog’s name) when I started shuffling Harry Styles’ Cherry came to mind. I feel like laying face up and just sigh very heavily. Your fs is someone so so romantic, but they might have trouble openly expressing this part of themselves. They are the type of person to just stare at you in secret. Because you’re pretty, and you’re smart, and you’re ignoring me so you’re obviously my type. Those kind of vibes. They look at you truly with so much admiration, it kind of scares them to approach. I feel like you’re always booked and busy, always on the run, so they might feel a little bit wary of wasting your time. They will want to wait for the perfect time to talk to you. In their eyes, you’re just so soft and beautiful, someone they want to protect and hug, and never leave your side. Eye contact is really important in this pile. I feel like you might have some kind of sad eyes, they can clearly see every emotion on your eyes. They’re very perceptive, and very emotional intelligent. But they might consider you so independent that they shy a little when it comes to offer help and support. They see you as such a strong and reliable person, someone that stands up for others, that always know what to say. They also see you as their perfect match. Maybe you two mirror each other, whether your personalities or your past experiences. But there’s a really deep understanding of the other. They might be hesitant about approaching, because they might feel a little bit insecure. They have put you on such a pedestal (where you should be honestly) that they don’t think they’re worthy of you. Too good for them. This will turn in a very slow-burn situation. But it’s because they think you deserve the best and only the best. You’re so sweet in their eyes pile 1. It’s like an adoration overload. They truly want to make your life easier, acts of deed and gift giving might be their love language. 

Pile 2

the devil, knight of cups, justice, king of wands, 5 of wands, the world, knight of pentacles, 2 of cups 

Hello, hello pile 2. You make hot and bothered , first thing I got, oh well. I feel my mind all mushy and confused. Hot n Cold by Katy Perry. What are you doing to them pile 2? I feel like you’re a kind of intimidating, cold, very focused on your goals, you know what you want, when to do something, very powerful. And they’re just, well, perplexed. You know yourself so well, you’re passionate about the things you like, have well defined morals and values. I feel like you’re often on the eye of the storm. They just don’t know what to do. You’re a well rounded person, know your qualities but also aware of your faults, and you’re working on improving yourself constantly. You’re not someone that can be stopped easily, like a bull, your eyes are set one something then you’ll do anything to get it. I feel like honesty might be your best and worst trait at the same time. They see you as someone who will say what’s exactly on your mind, no sugarcoat, just plain truth, but might forget to consider others and your words might hurt a little. They might want to live up to you, like wanting to follow your steps, kind of like a consort, a step behind. They definitely like when you take control, and will let you take it anytime. This is the part when they get turned on about you, but might not want to admit it out loud. I feel like your presence makes them very happy, just with being by your side is enough for them, kind of person that enjoys doing different things in silence but in the same room. I just got Megan Fox, like how sensual she is, how confident she is, how smart and perfect she is. Will go anywhere, anywhere, by your hand. Breakfast in bed, let’s just stay in all day. They definitely want you all by themselves, I feel like they might have some possessive tendencies (nothing too much, don’t worry). They just feel that you are so wonderful, and it’s clear that he’s not the only one that sees that, that they don’t want to share, or feel they have to compete for your attention. They want to prove themselves to you and show you they’re everything and the only one you need.

Pile 3

the wheel, page of swords, queen of cups, page of wands, the sun, temperance. 6 of wands, king of pentacles

Hi and welcome pile 3. Right off the bat, they love your laugh. Like really love your smile, kind of person that will do anything to make you laugh, even if it means doing something a little bit embarrassing in public. Your fs sees you as someone that is bubbly, out going, positive, very friendly, morning person. But they know that behind that you have gone through your fair share of struggles and have to build yourself up, they’re very proud of you. They see you as someone successful, knows how to manage themselves financially. You have a good balance between work and play. You value your career a lot, and might be a very important aspect of your life, but you know when to clock out and relax, and enjoy other things. They see you as someone adventurous and brave, they want to travel around the world with you, explore with you, do some adrenaline crazy activities too. I feel like food is relevant lol, like going to nice restaurants together, cooking and creating and trying new recipes together, like it’s your favourite bonding activity. Strawberries covered in chocolate. You’re also really smart, they just never get tired of listening to you speak, about anything and everything, you might be a great story teller too. You might know about so many different and sometimes unexpected topics, that they admire you for it. They feel like your mind is a wonder. You’re really brave pile 3, I feel like clapping for you right now. You know how to navigate obstacles and maintaining a positive outlook on life not matter what it throws back at you. Very rational and serious when needed, but knows when to let your hair loose and have fun too. They see you as someone who is so cute and huggable. Your happiness is definitely one of their priorities, and they hate to see you down. I’m going to stress this again, they’re really really proud of you. That message is coming so strong, and if you remember one thing only about this reading let it be that they’re so proud of you pile 3. 

Pile 4

2 of wands, 10 of swords, page of pentacles, 5 of cups, 4 of cups, the world rev, the emperor

Hello pile 4, do you want a hug? I feel like giving you a hug. You’re so strong pile 4, but your fs can see right through you. I know you like hiding your emotions and problems from others, but you can’t trick your fs, seriously. I know it’s hard to open up, and I know it’s scary, and you might have been betrayed or ignored by people you thought you could trust, but your fs is here for you. They want to crack your shell, know about every part of you, the good, the bad, the ugly, the pretty. I want you to see yourself the way I see you. You might stubborn about sharing your issues, you want to do everything by yourself, but I feel like is coming from a place of disappointment. You’ve been let down so many times, you don’t want to go through it again. But your fs is not going anywhere. I feel like they find you stubbornness funny, kind of teasing you until you open up or confess. You might be wary at the beginning to start a romantic relationship, or to even admit you like your fs, but they know and they want to hear you say it. Your fs will soften you up with time. They just want to help you, want to support you on your plans for the future, want to have plans for the future that involves the two of you. They see you as someone so resilient and that has had to stand alone for so long, they don’t want you to do that anymore. They’re here now, they’re not going anywhere, they got you. It feels like walks at midnight, being in your own bubble, everyone can feel the tension, even if you deny it. You two have such a great chemistry, it just makes sense, you fit perfectly, if only you see that too. It’s not going to be a perfect path from now, and there will be more obstacles on your way, but you two can do this, together. Your fs sees it that if you’re together you’ll be fine, you’ll get through whatever. Your fs is not going to let you down.

Xo, Xo, Cherry 💋

[neattequila]

Harry's Style Evolution (by an actual stylist) Part 3: Fine Line Era! Part 1 of 2*

Hi hi hi. First of all thanks for all the love on Part 1 and Part 2 which are linked. I highly recommend reading them first as I'll be referencing some of his past style.

This one took me so long to do because Harry's Fine Line era is when he really develops the personal style that he's now known for, and I have LITERALLY SO MUCH TO SAY. So without further ado!

*LOL I HIT PIC LIMIT before we even got to 2020. This is officially HS Style part 3 but Part 1 of 2 for the Fine Line Era.

HERE'S THE LINK TO PART 2

We left off in 2018, Harry was still touring his first album and was dating Camille Rowe (as far we know) who was beginning to influence his style.

After Live on Tour ends there's a period where we don't see him for a bit. Later we'll learn that him and Camille have broken up, and he jets off to Japan for some much needed hermit time.

2019

January, Harry's spotted in Japan. He rings in the new year with a ragtag batch of famous people that are for some reason all in Japan at the same time.

Here we see the debut of the custom gold Gucci rings that will become a staple for him (they retail at $470 each incase you were wondering.) We also see him in some Gucci jeans, and this vintage army jacket that I still have dreams about.

By March he's back in London and we get some more hints of his evolving personal style. He's back in jeans but he's over the black skinny's he previously coveted instead opting for a light wash straight leg. He wears this Raf Simmons jumper I'm obsessed with an looks oh-so-cozy. We'll also see the athletic outfits that he still wears today.

Also in March he introduced, and preforms with, Stevie Nicks as she's inducted into the Rock n Roll hall of fame.

He wears a gorgeous blue Gucci suit with white Gucci boots. We'll actually see him in this exact same Blue suit later in an ad campaign for Gucci for their Fall 2019 collection. (P.S. his hair is so delicious here I love this length on him.)

The next time we publicly see Harold is in May for the MET GALA! Y'all do not understand how hard I screamed in my living room when I found out he was going to be one of the chairs.

We first see him in a Gucci ensemble at the pre-gala dinner which he hosts at <3 Stonewall Inn <3 I literally remember when these pictures dropped me and the girlies were going stupid on Tumblr.com. It's hard to see in this picture but this is the first we see the EARRING! (May she rest)

I do remember being slightly disappointed with Harry's gala fit at the time. I wanted it a little campier and brighter, but as his style has evolved into the Harry's House era (we will get there when we get there lol.) I feel like in retrospect I can appreciate her much better.

She was delicate, she was sexy, and she was camp and queer in a much subtler way. The pearl earring really was everything not to mention the way he looks in the sheer black. YUM!

For the after party H changes into another Gucci ensemble which is very camp in an Orville Redenbacher way. He Gucci drop cross earring is a slay.

Also in May Harry attends his first (can you believe it?) Gucci show and wears one of my FAVORITE outfits he's ever worn.

It's head to toe Gucci of course, but the white suit with the white tank underneath it. Paired with pink sunglasses and pink soft loafers and a WICKER bag! Honey, THIS is styling!

He looks like he's about to ask if I wanna do a bump in the bathroom and my answer is YES!

Harry started working with Harry Lambert towards the end of his time in 1D, and so it's safe to assume that Lambert also had something to do with this outfit (and every other outfit he wears during this era.) How we fell from grace I still can't place in my head.

Anyway we also see his soon-to-be signature Fine Line pink and blue forever nails.

In August and September he appears on a myriad of Magazine covers. Most notably Rolling Stone, but my personal favorite The Face.

So what if I think about his photos for The Face in the night time sometimes, what're you gonna do sue me?!

Left he wears Bode shorts, middle a Gucci shirt and right a gorgeous Martine Rose jacket that he pairs with acid wash jeans.

In October the music video for Lights Up drops out of no where (fun fact when it dropped I was drunk in a club and went in the bathroom to watch it, when I woke up the next day I thought I'd dreamed the whole thing.

The Lights Up MV features a variety of looks. Including what will become the official Fine Line outfit: suspenders over an open shirt with high waisted trousers. This graphic is from Harry Fashion Archive which I did get a lot of these pics from so go check them out.

In November Fine Line the album is officially announced! (See how much there is to cover! We haven't even gotten to album release yet!)

On the cover Harry wears a custom Gucci ensemble of an open shirt, suspenders, and high waisted pants. Featuring Tom Walker's hand in a Gucci glove.

In November he hosts and is the musical guest on SNL where we get some great looks.

He preforms the soon-to-be smash hit Watermelon Sugar for the first time in a custom Watermelon-coloured Gucci suit. He also preforms Lights Up in a sequin Gucci suit.

On the show he wears another Gucci suit from their Spring/Summer collection (left). This look (right) is another all time favorite outfit of mine. A custom Bode shirt jacket paired with the iconic Christopher Kane "Sex" shirt, and brown Gucci trousers. This is another example of styling at its finest.

Off the show he wears a few sweater vests, most popular of which is this one by Lavin (left.) At a Spotify party for his album in December he will wear another Lavin piece, this time a cardigan, paired with baggy chinos and vans and the soon to infamous pearl necklace.

A few more fashion moments happen in December. He collaborates with Alessandro Michele for the first time to create this limited edition "Fine Line" t-shirt (left) that retails for $75. (Did anyone actually buy these?) He also goes through a Marc Jacobs sweater/shirt kick seen here on the Ellen show (right) but he wears them a few more times as well.

He preforms "Fine Line Live" in Los Angeles wearing the Gucci suit from the album cover paired with socks that say Fuck It (left.) Right he wears another Gucci suit to preform "Fine Line Live" in London.

*LOL I HIT PIC LIMIT before we even got to 2020. This is officially HS Style part 3 but Part 1 of 2 for the Fine Line Era.

LINK TO PART TWO HERE!