#i think it should also be noted i believe that no one is beyond becoming a better person

[nozomi-incel]

i openly post about idolizing elliot rodger and hating women, what the fuck are you talking about? Granted I am a hypocrite, but if you couldn't tell by my posts alone that I was gonna be an asshole then that is your problem.

I guess you're right about that, i apologize. I guess this is just evidence that my social cues are shit (it happens a lot, and I've gotten in trouble for it. It's even one of the reasons I am in incel in the first place)

Also, I don't know much about elliot rodger but he seems cool as fuck from what I've heard. If only he were alive to see what he would've become.

Female and male fakecels only exist because of their high standards that they themselves cannot reach, I am not saying they should give up on finding their desired partner, but if you are a person that calls themselves an 'incel' and desires a 10/10 disney princess/prince stacy/chad while being below that standard yourself... then you are a fakecel.

I only brought up the whole disney princess thing because it was a childhood dream of mine that gave me false hope for the future, a mere fantasy I know damn well will never come true.

I never said I was attracted to the guys in those stories.

Infact my standards for a partner are practically lower compared to other women my age, partially because I lowered them voluntarily in hopes it would increase the chances of me finding a partner. (I have a detailed description on what my type is in my pinned post if you wanna take a look)

Also, as a ransom note: I've recently just started coming to the realization that all the "relationships" I've been in were all just glorified friendships with sex jokes every here and there, and that i've never actually "dated" anyone (which is weird to think about, but it is what it is)

I agree with the other guy, male and female incel problems are entirely different. Most people need to accept that.

You're right about that too. Infact I suggested on making a separate tumblr group for femcels so that we can both talk about our experiences without accidentally invalidating the other's experience. The admin of the original "incels of tumblr" group said that it wasn't necessary, but I personally think it'd be a good idea givel hot differently the femcel and incel communities behave.

What do you think?

I don't gaslight people into believing that women are the sole reason why incels exist. I blame the biology coded by mother nature, not the creation itself.

i wish you explained this earlier, and I thank you for clarifying. Admittedly you had me convinced that you were blaming women for your inceldom (a common stereotype made against incels by moids and foids who want to invalidate our experiences), and I can see now that it was just a big misunderstanding.

No amount of stories about your childhood disney fantasies will convince me to feel bad for anybody, woman or man. Nor will you telling me your reason of inceldom; nobody asked to be an incel/femcel. I have never had any hope even as a teenager or child, recognizing the pattern of the blackpill earlier in life will help desensitize you from the propaganda normies use.

I'm aware. I'm just sick and tired of people dismissing my celibacy because they think i'm "too pretty" to be an incel (they don't know that inceldom is caused by anything beyond the person's control, appearance being common, yes, but things like disability and mental health issues can also cause it)

Also, i've been thinking about getting into the blackpill because I'm sick of foids constantly trying to tell me what to think and what to feel simply because they view me as lesser than due to my autism (a stigma i've faced my entire life), and because most of the trauma I've sustained in my life came from women (with the very rare exception of a few men), but I was always blamed for it anytime i spoke out about it because radical feminists have you believe that women are incapable of abuse (when in reality, they are just as capable of it as anyone else).

Do you have any recommendations for people that are new to it and haven't been desensitized by the normie propaganda yet?

Remember, in the incel community, NOBODY IS SPECIAL. We are all the same, we are all lonely, depressed virgins in here that fantasize about the same love we see in media. We are all doomed to be alone. One of the few ways you can escape the curse of inceldom is through a miracle.

I'm aware. I do wish that I could stop getting my hopes up constantly, knowing that it never comes true. It's a really bad habit that the foids in my life have been planting into my head since my days in the SPED classes (grade school), and it always manages to make depressed anytime i found out the truth.

Also, the whole "fantasizing about the same love we see in the media" thing is (as I explained earlier) what I meant when I brought up the disney princess thing.

The incel community already has a stained reputation on the internet and in the real world, no amount of text will convince normies that a percentage of incels are innocent and kind. The only way you could wash the stain off is by inviting tourists and letting them change every single aspect that makes the incel community so special.

I know, and I know there's nothing I can do or say to change that. Infact, when I first started accepting my inceldom and actively talking about it online, i lost a friend of mine i've been close with since I was 12 (that asshole can go fuck himself after he got the cops called to my house and told them I was sexually assaulted knowing damn well I've never been touched by a guy before and never will unless some crazy miracle happens that gets a guy to molest me or some shit)

Nobody is stopping you from coping, you all can cope all you want. The cope I use is determinism, no matter how much you seethe and cry about your loneliness. No man or woman will feel bad for you, that is the reality of the incel.

I never said that there was anything stopping anyone from coping, I was mention it to highlight how everyone's experience as an incel is different.

Other than that though, i do agree.

You don't introduce the incel community to anybody, people will find it by themselves when looking for minds that think alike. [⬛💊]

I see.

Me personally I started learning about inceldom after hearing about some of the rumors regarding yanderedev (who's no longer involved in or associated with the incel community, but I've heard about his experiences with it and found them extremely relatable)

Some people escape the state of incelism, some people stay with it till death, waiting for a person to come along and save them from the inevitable rope in their closet while time marches on.

Those stories have always been pretty wholesome to me, and it sucks knowing the majority of people in the incel community never actually get to experience that freedom.

It's why I've stopped trying to recover from my mental health issues after I quit my last therapist, because i'm always forced into a loop of thinking that everything's gonna get better and that I'll actually have a future worth living for n shit, only to have something super traumatic happen to me and then boom! i'm back where I started nearly 5-6 years ago with no way to recover from it.

Also, as a final note: even if I weren't an incel like all the foids and moids are saying (which i am an incel and have proven to be one, but let's just say that i'm not in this scenario), the incel community (or at least the femcel community in particular) is the only place where I actually feel like I belong in and feel understood in.

I'm too weird for normal friend groups, I'm too "problematic" for fandom spaces (including obscure ones that are dying), hell, even other SPED kids don't want to be around me, which is an extremely isolating feeling considering I've grown up as one of them since fucking preschool.

I'm basically outcasted from any other group.

This community is all i have. If I lose this too, I see no other option.

I just wish I didn't feel so alone..

Anyway, thank you for clarifying on a few things that I didn't understand at first, and I hope you have a good day.

Men can't be "incels"

Men literally cannot be incels. The word "incel" doesn't even have merit. The term is actually "invcel" and it was created by a woman. Men colonized women's spaces of being disgusting and untouchable. Men should be correctly referred to as "mencels." It is not fair to push women out of a space that originally belonged to them by calling them "femcels".

[celepeace]

I see a lot of dialogue about how to live with people who are assholes or jerks in some way, and the call to action is always something like "we as a society need to learn to deal with people who make us angry." Which is true! That's an important skill to learn.

And maybe it's because of who these discussions are addressing (i.e. people who aren't assholes), but when we talk about learning conflict resolution and dealing with people who are a pain in the ass, I always see the onus of responsibility on the ones dealing with those people. It's always "learn to get along," in the context of "people are going to be a jerk to you and you need to get along with them anyways." It's never "learn to not be a fucking asshole."

Like I've noticed this is a greater societal pattern, even in things like childcare. We always expect the people who aren't the aggressors to be the bigger person and resolve it. How many times were you, as a child, expected to treat another child fairly when they were treating you unfairly, and the adults in the situation never did anything to make the other kid do the same? And like, yeah, that definitely is a really good ability to have and sometimes you have no other choice but to use it!

But also we never really encourage the person who's being a jerk to learn how not to be a jerk. We never punish the assholes (and by punish, what I mean here is enforcing social pressures, like not giving assholes what they want when they're being belligerent). And if the person on the other end of someone's assholery responds in a way that isn't ideal, like they snap back or behave rashly, then we kind of tend to condemn that person rather than the one who put them in that situation in the first place.

Maybe it's because when someone behaves like that, we figure they're too much of a goner to want to change how they treat others, or at the very least they're not going to listen to us at this moment. And that's certainly true sometimes. But I really think there isn't enough societal pressure to just like, not be a fucking dick. There's not enough resources out there about how to be a nicer, better person. We don't try to teach the bullies how to treat other people better, we punish their victims for fighting back instead.

I dunno, it's just a greater pattern I've noticed since I was a kid, and it's kind of applicable to nearly every social situation. It's always "learn to deal with them" rather than "let's teach people to be more patient, more compassionate, and kinder."

[tsuyalovebot]

collared.

pairing: xia yi zhou / caleb x reader (love and deepspace)

cws: MDNI and ageless blogs will be blocked. suggestive. caleb is kind of unhinged, lowkey kind of condescending while teasing. mc=reader. casual touches (knee, thigh, face). reader uses makeup. he puts his thumb in your mouth. pet names (pipsqueak, pretty). basically caleb-typical warnings.

wc: 2.1k (this was supposed to be a drabble. help.)

author's note: he occupies my brain too much. pussy inspection piece coming soon just trust .｡.:*☆

Caleb's a patient man. That's what he likes to think. Despite the amount of times he's had to expound on his cruelty and dichotomy as Farspace Colonel, he likes to think it hasn't truly changed him from his observational nature. That he's still the same boy in some sense. To watch and give commentary, grinning lazily and all.

You're really, really testing him though.

"Caleb," you repeat his name, annoyance in your tone. "You're not listening."

"I am, though?" He muses, stirring the pot of fragrant, ginger chicken congee with one hand. He looks at you, who's seated on the countertop beside the stove, kicking your legs out while watching him cook.

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh. You doubtin' me, pipsqueak? I'll have you know, I scored very, very high on the fleet's physical assessment on training our senses." Caleb teases, turning back to the pot. He takes the bowl of shredded chicken, adding it into the congee and stirring while you pout.

"You're hearing me, but you're not listening. What was I talking about, huh?" You insist with a frown. You've got his clothes on—a fact that's kind of, sort of itching at his brain in some way, shape, or form. He tries to not think about it. You're only in them because you spilled your drink on your dress earlier. And, who would he be to not offer you a change of clothes?

Prior to this, he'd given you a shirt and pants in your size. Said he bought them for you whenever you'd come over to Skyhaven and his place. Much to his surprise however, while you appreciated his kindness (even though you also called him weird), you still padded off to his room to steal his clothes. Which is why you're here now, in some graphic t-shirt that's a size or three too big on you and shorts.

Caleb is a patient man. He repeats this to himself like a mantra. Maybe he could gaslight himself into believing this.

"You were telling me about one of your colleagues from the Association. How he was impeding you from doing your patrol because he kept flirting, right?"

You blink, mollified. He finds your slackened expression cute, smiling as he lowers the heat on the stove. The congee bubbles, the fragrance potent. "Hmm. I should take a picture of you."

Just as he pulls out his phone to feign snapping a shot, you swat at his hand. He laughs, shaking his head at your antics.

"Okay, so you were listening," you admit. Sheepish, a faint flush to your cheeks.

He nods with a little smile. "Yep. You gonna keep going?"

"Mm. So, as I was saying—"

You're really cute sometimes. He wonders if you know that too, because there's been so many instances of him wanting to squish your face in his palms. Feel the soft pudge against his hands, drag the rough skin of his fingers over your eyelids and the cartilage of your ears, the bone of your nose bridge like one would admire a caricature beyond their comprehension.

There's something novel in seeing you come over. It feels like old times, when he'd just departed from Josephine's place and you'd come over to his place and loiter. You'd grin as you raided his house of snacks, declaring this and that as yours. Obviously, those were yours. Why do you think he always seemed to be restocked in your favorite snacks when you'd come over?

But it's more than simple visits now. You've begun incorporating yourself into his house. It's becoming a home now, with every hairtie he finds on the carpet or tube of lipgloss left in the bathroom. You've begun leaving your clothes for him to wash, which he doesn't really mind. How could he, when he gets to run his fingers over the cloth you've worn and marvel at its softness despite the washed out color—how it's probably been with you and seen you in worse states than he ever has in your entire life?

You left your eyelash curler once and complained over the phone how your makeup bag keeps eating your stuff. When he said you'd left it at his place, you decided the best possible solution wasn't to swing by one day and take it during a regular visit. You resolved to stay for a week in Skyhaven with him since so much of your stuff was with him.

"I can just use my vacation now and let the Association know I'm on leave," you had said, your voice carried through the speaker. "Do you guys have that at the fleet? Vacations? You should take yours, as well."

Caleb had been bulldozing through reports at the time, lifting a page of some lackluster maintenance report on a couple of vessels. It didn't even look properly done—seemed he had a lot of work to do if he wanted to correct the conduct of the other fleets.

But, with the most playful and assuring tone ever, he had replied with, "Oh, we got those too. I'll use mine. That way, we can spend it together, yeah?"

Funny, how paid vacation was not, in fact, a thing.

Now, he's here with you and he could get used to this. His space being yours, yours being his. A mutualism, reciprocity built on benefit and comfort. It doesn't hold the same familiarity of the past with regards to atmosphere, but it's changed. New, developed on this blossoming relationship of seeking answers but also caring so deeply for each other.

"Caleb," you say his name with such disdain it snaps him out of his thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"You're not listening, again." You're scowling when he tears his gaze from the pot of congee. He reaches over and smooths out the little furrow of your brow and you let him. He smiles a bit.

"I am, I promise."

You shake your head. "No, you're not."

You reach over and pull on his dog tag. Hard. It surprises him, and he stumbles closer to your form. He looks at you, eyes wide.

You rarely initiated physical contact with him. Sometimes, he'd be blessed to have you jump on his back the way you always did. Maybe even feel grateful to feel your knuckles brush his wrist when reaching for utensils at the dinner table. But there's always a barrier, some sorr of invisible force that polarizes your forms and keeps you away from one another.

Yet here you aware, scowling so harshly he thought he made a grave misdeed that went beyond zoning out. Your finger looped into his necklace, demanding his attention. You're like a petulant child with your cheeks puffed up like this. It brings him back.

But it doesn't really bring back that signature brotherly attitude of his. Something else licks at the base of his spine. Something a bit darker, more subtle but nevertheless present.

Caleb can't help himself, smiling. A bit too giddy, slightly cheeky. You probably catch sight of it—you know him too well—and it probably aggravates you further, so you tug him again, by that necklace.

"Ah-ah," Caleb tuts, lifting his hand to gently wrap around your wrist. "Careful. You might break it."

Watching how your eyes flit down to the sight of his fingers winding around your skin, feeling the way your breaths stall at the sight. Hmm? He smiles a bit wider. He files away that knowledge for later.

Caleb relents at your tugs, though. Really, how could he ever deny you? Like an obedient dog, he moves, turning the stove off with one hand and snaking his way to be between your knees. His free hand placing itself on the countertop outside your knee, giving you his undivided attention.

You're a bit shy now despite getting what you wanted. Blinking at him like a deer caught in headlights as you hold onto the chain with your index finger. He could bite you, sink his teeth into your shoulder, and you would probably let him. Maybe even slip that neckline a bit lower for easier access, card your fingers through his hair.

You're spoiled rotten, and he wouldn't have you any other way. The product of his affections, the consequence of his actions.

"C'mon. I'm sorry for not actively responding, yeah?" Caleb coos, leaning in and subtly watching the flush color your skin. Careful to say actively responding, not listening. "You know I tend to focus too much when cooking. You got my attention now, though. Wanna keep going?"

You open your mouth, then close it again. He places his hand on your bare knee, watching in real time as you bluescreen, gaze darting.

Ah, he muses, his supposed patience waning. You make this too easy.

"Oh, I get it now. It wasn't that, was it? You just needed a bit of Caleb's attention, didn't you?" He drags his hand up, lets it hold your thigh. Gives it an experimental squeeze and observes your expression flicker between something akin to delight and mortification.

Maybe the mortification comes with him cornering you like this, even though you started. Or maybe you're coming to terms with the fact that you need him like he needs you. He'd hope that's the case. God, he'd love it if that were the case.

You stammer over your next words. Doesn't matter, he didn't hear it. Not over the sound of something like wedding bells in his head as he leaned in further. Deducting the space between you two, further enraptured by how all your thoughts seem to fizzle out at his proximity. His other hand, still holding your wrist, drops down to the counter.

"My attention is always yours, you know that, right?" He rubs his thumb into the softness of your inner thigh, tilting his head with a boyish smirk. It's playing at the corner of his mouth, and he has to stop himself from pouncing when you look at his lips too. "You don't gotta be rude, tugging me around. Have some manners."

And, like clockwork, his other hand comes up. In time with the gentle, swooping motions of his thumb on your thigh, he holds your chin. Lets you tilt your head up a bit, moves your head side to side lightly. He tests your pliancy and is pleased with his findings. You're slack, clay in his palms and he finds that he doesn't need to put you on a spinning plate to mold you.

Then, he tilts his head and narrows his eyes. Like a switch being flipped.

"Ah," he prompts, and presses his thumb against your lower lip. You're so good, so pliant as you open your mouth, letting him hook his thumb into your jaw. Presses it flat onto your tongue and lets you taste the slight spiciness of the diced ginger he handled earlier.

Delight sparks in his stomach as you remain perfectly still, save for the wobble of your lips. As if you didn't know to keep your mouth open or seal your lips around his thumb. He wouldn't particularly mind if you sucked—that should be for another time, though.

Caleb examines you like a mortician would a cadaver, his eyes dark. A piece of him satiating his appetite with the display before him. His digit in your mouth, your eyes a bit foggy as you breathe through your nose. In the palm of his hands, in his house, in his clutches.

You aren't the least bit resistant to his advances. If anything, you seem to welcome it, closing your eyes and letting your eyelashes flutter aganst your cheek when you open them to watch him too.

"You know I'm always listening to you. Always. Use your words like I taught you the next time you want my attention, hmm?" He leans in, smiling. Deceptively innocuous, saccharine with falsetto concern in a cheery tone. But he knows you see the desire lurking beneath the surface. Stewing in the cauldron of his gaze.

"Don't gotta be a brat to ask. Be good. Nod if you understand."

You nod, placated, dropping your finger from his necklace. Caleb smiles, pleased as he leans in and presses a kiss to your forehead. He feels the tension dissolve as quickly as it came.

He beams after, releasing you. His thumb leaves your mouth, hands off your face and thigh before returning to the congee. He ignores your pointed gaze toward him.

Caleb's a patient man. He'll wait, wait, wait, and wait some more. Doesn't make any difference to him, not when you're sitting pretty, waiting with him at his side. He'll wait, even as he watches you roll your tongue around in your closed mouth, like you're trying to taste him on your tongue.

"Now, keep talkin', pretty. I wanna hear how you kicked that guy's ass."

[devildomwriter]

THINGS THAT WENT UNANSWERED AND MY THEORIES

Why is Diavolo’s dad asleep? Where is he?

• In the game he went into a deep slumber in the bottom layer of the Devildom shortly after the brothers arrived

• I believe this slumber has something to do with age, state of mind, but most importantly the brothers and their extreme power. It brought immediately destabilization of power between the realms and I believe he may have granted his powers between the brothers when he named them—thus enhancing their sins (he split them between the brothers) as a demon without serious power or sin he may be resting to restore this energy over time or to stop the power imbalance that could threaten a war with the Celestial Realm.

What was the event that made Diavolo wish for peace between the three realms?

• In season one Diavolo tells MC that long ago something made him realize that there should be peace between the three worlds. MC supporting Diavolo in the past isn’t an answer as Diavolo already had this idea before meeting them and even before meeting Lucifer.

• I believe that one of the many wars between the Devildom and Celestial Realm happened within Diavolo’s life. The horrors of war are not exclusive to humans, a young idealistic demon like Diavolo would be traumatized into ensuring nothing like this happens in the future. It is mentioned in game that it was his father who first asked for a truce between the Celestial Realm and Devildom but it’s likely Diavolo was still alive in this time period and a war could have happened before all of this.

Will Simeon become an angel again?

• In the final lesson of Nightbringer Simeon is invited back to the Celestial Realm despite previously not having even been allowed back as a guest. They want to discuss his future and Lucifer advises Simeon to have a productive talk. Raphael also mentioned in OG season four that Simeon despite being human was much better at his “job” than he used to be.

• I believe Simeon is certainly becoming an angel again. He might be lowest rank like Luke until he discovers who he is as an angel again or he may be sent back to the ranks of Archangel. I hope he stays lowest rank for a while so he can prove his worth beyond such low ranks and will no longer be stressed by busywork. I believe Raphael will also protect him more from higher ups. I think the good example Simeon set for Raphael and Luke will reflect kindly on his future and whether he can become a seraph again considering who they became under his guidance.

What is Luke’s future as an angel?

• In the game, Michael specifically took Luke under his wing because he recognized his power. Even as a child Luke was allowed to work in the Celestial Palace. Luke came into being shortly before Lucifer and his brothers fell and idolized Lucifer once. Michael sent Luke to the Devildom to learn not to be so judgmental and to face the real world. While on exchange Michael notes Luke would be a good principality while Mammon thinks he could be a seraph.

Lucifer also believes Luke has a good future ahead of him as only Luke, Lucifer, MC, Solomon, and Diavolo noticed when Simeon was no longer demonic, not even the other six rulers of hell.

• I firmly believe that Luke will become a seraph. His latent power and guidance from Simeon, Raphael, Michael, Barbatos, and Lucifer leaves him as very open minded but firm in his convictions and morality. The timing of his birth being right before Lucifer fell leads me to believe he was created as a replacement for Lucifer and that he will take Lucifer’s place one day to lead the Celestial Realm alongside Michael.

Will Michael join the exchange program?

• In the game Michael hinted to Raphael that he wanted to and Diavolo also wondered if Michael might join one day. The others seem to believe it would be too much a hassle.

• I think Michael is the kind of person who would but wouldn’t do so normally. Maybe a very short exchange so he doesn’t stay away from the Celestial Realm for long. I also believe his presence would cause unrest in the Devildom which he may view as hostile towards the Celestial Realm. This is a great plot point I would have loved to see, especially with Barbatos and Solomon both worrying about war in the future as well as MC’s alliances.

Will there be another war between the realms?

• In Nightbringer it was hinted that things were getting more tense as more demons were trying to disrupt the exchange program and bring harm to the students. It’s also revealed that to have sent Lucifer to Cocytus the celestial realm also had to agree meaning there are also angels who strongly oppose the three worlds as coming together as both sides hold resentment for past wars and see the others as unable to change for the better.

• I believe that in the future there will almost be a war, but Diavolo will be able to prove how strong their bonds can be with MC as a prime example. MC has a connection to each realm, granting them a power so strong they need the ring to contain it which Simeon gave them and Michael allowed. The brothers and angels and others have consistently saved each other’s lives, seen past former beliefs and even a demon like Mephisto and an angel like Raphael, two people extremely loyal to their realms were able to become good friends. I believe Diavolo would use a memory ring or other power to display the greatest most significant moments between them as proof his dream can become reality or at the very least they can remain at peace.

Who is Nightbringer?

• The game more or less confirms it to be Barbatos with the teaser for the game as well as how Nightbringer and his abilities are described. Nightbringer also speaks to Solomon with the same annoyance as Barbatos.

• I firmly believe that Nightbringer is Barbatos. Barbatos brought MC to the past, disrupting the timelines and I believe this is why Diavolo asks Barbatos to never use these powers without his permission.

What happened to Solomon’s childhood friend?

• The game indirectly tells us what happens over several seasons. Solomon is said to have e summoned Barbatos at the risk of his own life as a child desperately seeking to use Barbatos’s power of time. At the time he was not the kind of person obsessed with knowledge and power but was granted power seen as cursed that led him to be hidden in a basement away from everyone but this one friend.

• I believe his friend died whether it was his powers at fault or not and he summoned Barbatos to revive his friend. It’s possible his friend died of natural causes and this is why Solomon wants to better the human world despite it turning his back on him; it’s all so children and humans in general don’t die of preventable things like his friend did.

What did the Little D.s mean when they said they’d take over the Devildom?

• In season two of Nightbringer the Little D,s laugh about taking over the castle and soon the whole Devildom.

• I think they believe they can overcome their counterparts, or at least they used to, and wanted all the power for themselves. I think after thousands of years they gave up on this idea.

Who in the Devildom betrayed Diavolo and had Lucifer sent to Cocytus? And who in the Celestial Realm agreed?

• In the game Diavolo was never able to find the results but in the modern timeline the House of Lords remains a hinderance to Diavolo’s ideas of peace between realms despite the successes he has had thus far. When Raphael asked around in the Celestial Realm he never got an answer despite being a seraph and it’s hinted that they probably know who it is among the higher ups but won’t share that information.

• I believe someone in the Celestial Realm reached out to demons they knew opposed Lucifer and not the other way around. The Celestial Realm is always in the Devildom’s business so must have known about the unrest and helped arrange Lucifer’s imprisonment in Cocytus, then sent an angel closest to him, Raphael, to read his charges as punishment to Lucifer (seeing how it affected his friends) and punishment to Raphael (for still having such a close bond with a traitor.)

Why is Barbatos forbidden from using his powers?

• In the game Barbatos is mentioned to not be able to use his powers without Diavolo’s permission on several occasions. No specific reason is given.

• I believe that when Barbatos (as Nightbringer) brought MC to the past, Diavolo at some point found out he’d caused a destabilization of their reality (but not exactly what it was he did) and ordered him not to use his powers.

Will the others ever find out about the time travel?

• In the final season Solomon tells MC that eventually they won’t be able to play off the brothers’ memories of MC in the past anymore. Barbatos is already aware of the time travel.

• I believe it will come out at some point for sure. They will remember more or come across concrete proof MC was actually there with them.

Why did Nightbringer take MC to the past?

• In the game the denkn claims it’s because it is where MC will find happiness.

• I believe that Nightbringer (Barbatos) lived in a reality much darker and bleaker than ours. I believe the brothers trapped in Cocytus triggered some kind of war or prevented Diavolo from fulfilling his dream so he used his abilities to find a way to correct it.

He sent you into the past before you became an exchange student with visions of the future he saw would happen if he brought you there to help the brothers.

Eventually you were selected as an exchange in the future, fulfilling the visions Barbatos foresaw. This part is tricky to understand but by Barbatos describes time as a thick heavy mud or soup and I believe he sees time running concurrently so even though your future hadn’t yet happened, somebody from that future was able to come help you in the past, Solomon.

It’s hard to explain but time sort of did a loop, MC of the OG was sent into the past to create the future they live in. This means at some point MC was in a very different future and knew a different and worse version of the brothers but their memories of them altered into the happy ones they would make as they changed the past—changing the future into a good one. I don’t have the IQ to explain beyond that, I tried and got lost.

Let me know if you have more questions

[ecoterrorist-katara]

Zutara, romance novels, and the female gaze

Okay so I’ve been thinking about the female gaze a LOT so I checked out a subreddit about romance novels, despite never having read one. I came across this meme (which was initially a Tumblr post and then got posted to Instagram and then to Reddit and I’m now bringing back to Tumblr — Internet telephone, pls never change):

And…what is The Southern Raiders, if not a platonic grovel? Katara’s pain is central to the episode. It’s central to Zuko. Zuko asks Katara what he can do to make up for his betrayal; she demands the impossible. He reads between the lines, cockblocks her brother to get the necessary information, and then waits outside her door overnight (which he also did for Iroh, the one person we know for sure he loves). He basically makes himself a receptacle for her rage, and he holds space for her by coming with her on her revenge quest and carrying their bags and not saying a damn thing about what she should and should not do beyond like…asking her to rest. And obviously the grovel works! She forgives him and then they’re thick as thieves, bantering and fighting and saving each other’s lives, etc.

On a different note, I’ve been told that enemies to lovers is one of the biggest tropes in romance novels, similar to YA lit and fanfic. Here’s something else I found in the romance novel discourse:

And…yeah. In TSR, Katara really does show Zuko her worst self, because she doesn’t feel the need to perform for him. She doesn’t feel the need to perform moral perfection OR cold blooded vengeance. She bloodbends in front of him and he just goes with it. She doesn’t kill Yon Rha and he just goes with it. He doesn’t treat her any differently afterwards. Maybe they talk about it off screen, but I kind of like the idea that they don’t, because Katara doesn’t need to explain anything. And it’s so interesting, because some people in the ATLA fandom have a totally different read on TSR. They think Zuko was encouraging Katara to get revenge (by what, keeping his mouth shut?), and that Aang is the one who acts as her moral compass. I believe that either Bryan or Mike said in the DVD commentary that Aang is the angel on her shoulder the entire time. And this interpretation does make sense if you see it from the male gaze, where Katara as an object of affection is acting in an angry, irrational, threatening way. But if you see it from the female gaze, you recognize that actually it’s probably the most emotionally taxing experience Katara has to go through, and she doesn’t owe it to be nice or perfect to anybody. Katara’s formative trauma literally comes to a head, and she has to make a decision — no, a discovery — about who she is in relation to the tragedy that defines her life and even her identity (as a waterbender, as a parentified child who becomes the mom friend, as a genocide victim), and she’s accompanied by someone who trusts her judgement and validates her feelings.

I’m not saying TSR is explicitly romantically coded, but when it conforms so well to romance novel tropes…is it any wonder that so many people thought “yes this is her man?” And then he takes lightning in the heart for her and reaches for her when he’s literally dying, I will never be normal about that either

[hazbin-writings-and-musings]

Lucifer Morningstar x Reader Smutty Headcanons

I promised on this LM x Reader post things would get spicy soon, so here we are, coming so far from my first post! Just the first of probably many more smutty Lucifer posts, because we all know this man fucks and we all want a piece.

Warnings: SMUT

- This man legitimately loves everything about eating pussy. He loves performing it, he loves bragging about how well he performs it, he loves giving tips because he believes in respecting the craft, and he loves putting down anyone too entitled to provide what he sees as this most enjoyable of services for one's partner. You don't even have to ask him to go down on you, it'll be one of the first things he offers, and he'll regularly ask if you're interested in letting off a little steam. Having the ability to extend and shapeshift his tongue into having an opposable forked tip makes him capable of techniques beyond your wildest fantasies, and whether you like to receive from above or below, he's equally down to have you seated on his face or laying back to enjoy yourself.

- He's not poorly or overly endowed for a man of his size, but he's also quite literally the one who originally proved that size doesn't matter in the slightest, and he's had thousands of years to perfect those original techniques. From position to tempo, he's mastered everything he needs to hit the G-spot with impeccable accuracy, and his hands will be quite busy seeking out where you most enjoy attention as he rides you with the power and virility of an untamed stallion. All this combined results in a mind blowing time for you, every time, and he's got the stamina to answer all of your repeated requests for another round.

- Nevermind the magic he can work with his tongue or his dick, the King of Hell is also a wizard with his fingers. He's even got a carpal tunnel roller just to keep his dexterity in top shape for when his skills are needed. Finding your clit is effortless for him, and he'll show it all the love he thinks you deserve, responding eagerly to your feedback in the moment and putting his mouth to use on your neck as he does so. Whether you want him inside, outside or both at the same time, he's happy to provide, and he'll gladly push his wrists to the limit if it leaves you properly satisfied.

- If you offer to be the one servicing him, he'll happily accept, and you'll quickly find his mannerisms shift quite considerably when he's on the receiving end. He starts out confident, offering banter to match your own, but as soon as your mouth gets to work, his demeanor changes. A grin becomes an open mouthed moan, his hands tenderly take hold of you to ground himself, and witty quips turn to soft and needy sighs. The more heated things get, the more he loses himself, but it's a great way for you to gauge how well you're performing. Growls and an appearance of his horns are a sign he's really having a good time, especially considering he's always got steam to blow off. Particularly rough days will result in him losing all control by climax; fully extended wings and horns, an unfurled tail he wraps about you, hair disheveled and clinging to a fine layer of sweat, and more than a few reality bending bursts of power surging around the both of you. It's his favorite way to end the day on a good note. He'll pull his fingers from your hair as he breathlessly apologizes for the show, but the both of you know watching him go feral is part of the fun.

- The afterglow is peak cuddle time for him, and he'll be in no hurry to get dressed if there's somewhere either of you needs to be, so more than a few of his duties will end up delayed thanks to post-coital bliss. All six wings will seek you out for a fluffy embrace, and if the two of you are at all winded, the otherworldly softness of Archangel feathers might make staying awake quite impossible. Should you have some energy to spare though, he'll want to actively enjoy the snuggle. Hearing you breathe, feeling his skin against yours, and engaging in pillow talk just make him the happiest little guy. Such moments really allow him to let his guard down, and you might hear him speak with a softness and hopefulness that rarely leaves the bedroom, but he's just as interested in listening as he is in talking. Don't be too surprised if he drifts off with his head in your boobs though.

[leashybebes]

fic: blue and gold (7/28)

day 7 @bucktommyfluffebruary prompt was love notes/letters and my fill is here

also posting it here below the cut because ao3 is about to be down for most of the day.

Tommy finds the first note after Evan swings by Harbor, delivering a bag of lunch and kissing Tommy in front of his co-workers, earning them fonder looks than Tommy would have expected.

This is my version of the pickled beet sandwich from Dune near my place. Don't pull that face, you'll love it. Did you know that olive based spreads date back to ancient times, but tapenade was invented in France in 1880? I love you.

Tommy reads the note three times before he turns his attention to the sandwich. It's annoyingly good for something that includes beets and eggs and shoestring fries and tapenade and garlic sauce. He finishes all but the last couple bites before the next call comes through, and tucks the note into the pocket of his flight suit.

***

The next one comes a week later, on his bedside table when Evan has to leave early for a shift, on the back of a business card from the pop-up restaurant they went to last week, propped against a glass of water.

T - You're so beautiful. I hate walking away from you. Last night was beyond belief. I can't believe how in love with you I am.

Tommy gulps down his water, trying to cool the flush that comes over him as he rubs his thumb over the indentations Evan's pen have left on the card.

***

Tommy has a photo of him and Evan in the back of his phone case. Evan had dragged them into a photo booth at the pier and they'd wound up with four black and white photos. The one Tommy has shows himself only in profile as he presses a kiss to Evan's cheekbone while Evan beams at the camera. It's become a little ritual to look at it before he goes up.

This time, he sees a note as well. Much as he wants to, he can't read it yet, has to put it to the back of his mind until he's done flying the medevac.

T - I want to be with you. Right now, wherever you are, I want to be with you.

He clearly doesn't do enough to wipe the fond look off his face before Donato gets back, and she hounds him all the way back to the station.

***

After the fourth one (Muay Thai dates back to the 13th century, but I'm pretty sure no one's ever looked better in those shorts than you. I want you, and I love you. Every second.) he talks to Evan about it.

With the note held between two fingers he asks, "What's this all about?"

Evan glances at the note, at Tommy's face. Shrugs. Pulls him into a deep, slow kiss.

"I'm never not thinking about you," Evan says. "Thought you should know."

There's that swooping feeling in Tommy's heart that he's learning not to run away from. There's that aching, desperate love that he's learning to hold onto. There's that little golden core of faith he's trying to nurture.

[therabbitthatpostthings]

TLDR: Eddie's self-consciousness about his place in the neighbourhood and lack of identity cause him to momentarily panic which lead to him seeing beyond the reality of the neighbourhood and becoming somewhat self-aware that his world isn't "real".

This is gonna be rambly btw..

So about Eddie,

Eddie rather became self-conscious of himself or self-aware.

We see from the commercials that Eddie doesn't know how to deal with himself. He is constantly look to help someone or do his job. Eddie is also one of the few characters that has no known origin. Eddie is described as absent-minded and forgetting where he is from, it a running joke. Eddie is the only other neighbour that doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the wacky cast. This update was clearly meant for Eddie. It's him on the cereal box puzzle that sends us to the website that shows us him struggle. This has lead me to come to the possibility that Eddie has self-identity besides being the mailman (What a conclusion I know...).

I'm not going to argue on who became self-aware first just because there is no clear cut evidence on just how Welcome Home crew/Marlo/and other associates were able to get this footage or manipulate these scenes. This is all going on the fact that Sally spoke of monsters in the woods walking around the neighbourhood while they all sleep. Julie never refuted this so she at least knows it's not her family. And the neighbours can clearly interact with the narrator in the Storybook Records. There is a clear disconnect on if the Neighbourhood is REAL, I'm not gonna get deep in that subject but it's confusing at least for me.

Besides Eddie, Frank is the other neighbour with no other known point of organ. Everyone else has a family member or home noted except for Frank and Eddie. Unlike Eddie, Frank fits into the stuck-up nerd archetype of wacky and zany characters you would see on a kids show. Eddie's Post Office is also the only one not decorated for Homewarming. So once Eddie sits down at the Homeswarming Party and the Narrator says he is happy is when I think Eddie starts to think about how happy he is. He really starts to think about it. My theory is that Eddie, hearing what the narrator is saying, really starts to think about if he is happy and that leads him into a spiral of just who he is. And for a moment he starts to see everything for what it is, the cartoon reality breaks and he sees the world in puppet form (the version of the neighbours we see). Frank coming over to talk to him is what solidifies this for me. He calls him "Eddie." Frank breaks the "script" and if the Frank Bug Theory is true, Frank should already be partly aware at this point (again not gonna get into it but I do believe if not Frank, Barnaby was the first to notice). Eddie says "I should go home." really quietly before Narrator takes over at that point. The transcript makes it a point to mention the panic and strain in his voice while images of Home pop up. Home knows and whoever controls Home (if something does) is also aware of it and ends the broadcast.

It makes the most sense to me that the odd ones out, Frank and Eddie, would be the ones to notice something is off but unlike Frank who seems to be (hypothetically) holding it together, this reality break absolutely destroyed Eddie. Now the question is, what will they do with Eddie?

Edits: you can hear Eddie speak, I just couldn’t 🤷🏾‍♀️

[ravenofazarath2]

I’ve been seeing a fair amount of discourse over whether or not Ricky September was a good person, and I feel like a lot of it takes a very black and white view of Ricky as a character.

One of the recurrent themes in this season (and, well, a large portion of the show), is the importance of hope. And I think that’s what Ricky is supposed to represent.

Hope that there’s kindness in the world.

I think we can all agree that that was basically his thing, right? He didn’t have to help Lindy through the slug monsters, but he did. He didn’t have to try to save her life, but he did.

Everyone else we meet in FineTime is self-centered, vain. Their friendships feel artificial. And that’s probably because they are artificial since they never talk face-to-face. They literally live inside a spherical object that also acts as an echo chamber they can personally curate. That’s one of the most literal metaphoric interpretations of “in a world of their own” I can think of.

And right when it seems that life this way will be the death of them all, here comes this ray of sunshine named Ricky September. He immediately shows Lindy kindness even though she’s a complete stranger. And then they hug, what is likely the first empathetic touch ever in her life. Tells her that he spends most of his time unplugged and reading and learning. He does the Doctor grabs a hand and yells run thing. And when he sees that Homeworld was destroyed, he lies to Lindy so that he doesn’t kill the hope that’s keeping her running for her life—to see her mom again.

I know can’t be the only one who thought, “Oh, maybe his kindness will rub off on Lindy, and she’ll be a better person in the end!” That’s the hope.

That’s what Ricky represents; he’s the hope that, as long as empathy exists in this world, things will get better.

Hope that people can change.

The only shadow in this perfect ray of hope is the fact that, just like everyone else in FineTime, Ricky September is racist.

His micro-agressions aren’t as, well, aggressive as Lindy’s, but they are there. His hands are fidgety and he's distracted. He's giving awkward smiles and chuckles. He does seem uncomfortable working with the Doctor.

But we know that Ricky has empathy. He shows it when he saves Lindy, but I think the most jarring example is when he says he read about manual labor and said, "That life was tough." Lindy's response. "My sit at a desk for two hours and gossip with my friends job's not easy. I get chapping." And he learned this empathy through reading instead of spending all his time online. Which is where he learned about pulse codes, too. So he's empathetic and willing to learn.

(On a side note: Lindy's lack of empathy by this point should have clued us in that she was beyond redemption)

And that's I have no doubt that, had he survived, he would have pushed his biases aside and taken the Doctor up on the offer to travel. He would have worked to unlearn the institutionalized hate he was raised in. He's the hope that people—that we can change, become better people.

Unfortunately, Ricky is just different enough for Lindy to other him in order to justify sacrificing him to save herself.

The real lesson Ricky September teaches us.

Unfortunately, Ricky being a symbol for hope is exactly why he had to die by, essentially, Lindy's hand.

Hope simply existing isn't enough to bring change. If we just sit back and hope for a better world, nothing will get done. We have to act on that hope, be that hope, because if we don't, those trying to maintain the hate will snuff us out. And not just for ourselves, but for our fellow man.

If we just sit back and hope for a better world, nothing will get done. We have to act on that hope, be that hope. And not just for ourselves, but for our neighbors, too. If we show each other empathy, we can reach more, spread more kindness, be the change.

But if there's no empathy, then there's no hope for our survival.

And that, I believe, is the lesson RTD wanted us to see.

[theunsinkableship1]

Help! I'm in a parasocial relationship with Lukola.

⚠️DISCLAIMER: This is LUKOLALAND only. Skip this if you're not a shipper. This is only my point of view. No harm intended.

Like many of us in Lukolaland, I fell for POLIN first, their fictional chemistry was attractive, and it pulled me in. But it wasn’t long before I fell harder for LUKOLA captivated by their real-life magnetic chemistry, the undeniable connection between the actors behind the characters which is absolutely based on friendship, but which I also believe is so much more than that. LUKOLA is now an increasingly significant part of my daily life, and while I don’t exactly know how or why I got here, here I am, steady aboard this ship. As someone experiencing this for the first time and seeing a lot of criticism towards the Lukola fandom, I wanted to reflect on what’s really going on here. After already delving into the negativity within the fandom in two previous posts, I now want to focus on the broader conversation about the legitimacy of our community.

A parasocial relationship is a one-sided connection where one party, usually a fan, becomes emotionally invested in a celebrity, fictional character, or public figure who doesn’t reciprocate that same level of personal connection. It’s a common phenomenon, especially in the digital age, where media blurs the lines between public personas and real people.

People often criticize shipping real people, like Luke and Nicola, claiming it’s “weird” or even invasive. I’ll admit, there’s a strangeness to it, and boundaries are important. But is it fair to label us as crazy for simply being invested in a connection we perceive? If we think about it, we “ship” people in our real lives all the time rooting for our friends to get together, hoping our favorite colleagues will hit it off. It’s human nature to be invested in connections we care about.

People say that the World Tour was only PR and that we are delusional to think they are together in real life. Most of us don’t think they’re together now that’s exactly why we’re shipping them, we saw something exceptional between them and we definitely think that they should be together, that’s the point. We can differentiate actors from characters that’s why we call them LUKOLA and not POLIN. There may have been some blurred lines and some real-life mirroring but that’s not the bulk of it.

It is true that the way the promotion was handled for season 3 intentionally blurred those lines. The marketing campaign, press interviews, and social media content often leaned heavily into the chemistry between the leads, with subtle implications that left room for fan speculation about a real-life relationship.

It’s important to address why dismissing the dynamic between Luke and Nicola as mere PR or labeling those who see a genuine connection as "crazy" is not okay.

The connection between Luke and Nicola has been evident for years, not just during the World Tour but also in their past public interactions and behind-the-scenes footage. Observers have noted consistent emotional undertones like shared glances, supportive gestures, and a natural intimacy that goes beyond professional behavior, suggesting a bond that isn't easily fabricated by PR. Their closeness has been acknowledged by some cast, crew, and even friends and family members, further validating what fans have perceived.

Many dismiss their relationship as PR due to biases rooted in celebrity culture, where staged romances are common. This skepticism often leads people to view all interactions as scripted, making it easier to label the connection as fake rather than recognizing the complexities of genuine human emotions unfolding under public scrutiny. Critics often struggle to separate the actors' real-life bond from their on-screen personas, overlooking the authenticity of their unscripted moments. Calling fans “crazy” for believing in their connection imposes a narrow view on what is clearly a nuanced and personal dynamic between Luke and Nicola.

It’s worth questioning why shipping fictional characters whose fates are pre-written and often predictable is more accepted than shipping real people who exhibit real chemistry and connection, on-screen and off. Fictional characters are constructed for our entertainment and should have a lesser impact on our reality, but when it comes to real-life dynamics, the thrill often lies in the authenticity and unpredictability.

Those dismissing the Lukola fandom often do so from a place of bias, without recognizing that many fans are deeply invested and knowledgeable about what they see behind the scenes, during interviews, and on social media. To us, the connection between Luke and Nicola isn’t just a fleeting fantasy, it’s something rooted in countless interactions that we’ve seen unfold publicly and sometimes even subtly in their private behaviors.

Some people also dismiss Lukola because they can’t fathom the connection due to their own preconceptions, like claiming Nicola isn’t Luke’s “type” based on superficial judgments. But connection often defies typecasting; it’s about shared moments, mutual respect, and chemistry that goes beyond looks or what we think we know about a person’s preferences. Critics often label fans as “crazy” for seeing a genuine connection between Luke and Nicola, imposing their own biases on them. These narrow views overlook the real, evolving nature of personal connections. Nicola's or Luke’s perceived divergences from the “ideal” partner is often unfairly judged, reflecting broader societal biases, including gendered scrutiny and fan projections. These misperceptions say more about public expectations than about Luke and Nicola’s real relationship, which is a deeply personal and nuanced relationship; Dismissing their bond because it challenges existing narratives. Recognizing the authenticity of their bond isn’t about fantasy; it’s about understanding the complexities of human relationships, especially under public scrutiny.

The Lukola fandom isn’t just a collection of people projecting their fantasies; it’s a group that sees a unique, genuine bond between two people, one that even some of their castmates, crew members, and close friends have noticed and commented on. Our community is about celebrating that bond and exploring the emotions it evokes, not just blindly fantasizing about it. The criticisms we face often come from people who view things through a biased lens, dismissing our perceptions often because they don’t align with theirs.

Lukola fandom provide an outlet for creativity, where fans can engage in discussions, create fan art, write fanfiction, and explore different interpretations of the interactions they love. It offers a sense of belonging and community, connecting people with shared interests. For many of us, being part of this fandom provides a supportive environment where we can express ourselves without being called crazy or delusional.

We can celebrate the content we love, helping to promote and keep the interest alive in Lukola and Bridgerton, and their other projects. This can contribute to the longevity of the careers and even influence future productions. The Lukola fandom has a right to exist and can be a positive community as long as its members engage responsibly. The key is maintaining a healthy balance between enjoying the content and respecting the personal lives of those involved in its creation.

We as fans should strive to maintain an objective perspective, appreciating Lukola’s work and interactions without crossing into invasive and illegal activities, entitlement or unrealistic expectations.

We should approach this with more tact and care, very demurely very mindfully, avoiding putting too much pressure on them to prevent any unintended consequences. It's important to keep our content within our community and minimize direct interactions, such as tagging or sharing posts with them, as much as possible. Let’s create a respectful space that doesn’t intrude on their personal boundaries.

In the end, it’s not about whether it’s right or wrong to ship real people; it’s about respecting the emotional investment of others and recognizing that these connections whether real or imagined bring joy, comfort, and community to many of us in Lukolaland.

[junk-lion]

i have to write approximately one thousand words about Void Stranger's bad ending before i explode

i recently started playing system erasure's sokoban masterpiece, void stranger, again after playing it a little on launch before getting distracted. previously, they made zeroranger, one of my favorite games ever, to the point where i got a tattoo.

i reached the bad ending in void stranger 2 days ago, and to say that i have been Affected is putting it lightly. the whole thing is very obviously incredible, but there is one aspect of it that i can't stop thinking about in particular: the song that's used, and how it ties into the themes of the game and the actual gameplay in this ending. so i want to break it down a bit and put down into words what i've been thinking about.

please keep in mind that i haven't finished the game yet, so please don't mention anything that may or may not happen beyond this ending so i don't get spoiled, thank you!

let's talk about void stranger's bad ending below the cut, as this contains heavy spoilers. i will assume that you have played this game before, so i won't go too deep into previous events of the game unless they're particularly relevant. i will also be mentioning some future events, particularly events during and leading up to the other ending, so i would not advise reading if you haven't gone past this sequence, or if you plan to play this game, which you should. please. i'm begging you

when you reach floor b225 while voided, having given up your humanity after death in order to become immortal and live forever, the following sequence plays out very differently than if you'd reached there otherwise by keeping yourself alive. the song that plays during this sequence, Voided, has left a considerable impact on me, and i really, really want to talk about how it did this and why, and maybe how it also has had such an impact on you.

i'd like to examine three different aspects of the song and how it's used: the composition/instrumentation/structure of the song, the lyrics, and how these both tie into what's actually happening on the screen, as there's a lot to talk about in each aspect.

The Composition

the first thing i noticed when i started really thinking about voided: it's in a 3/4 time signature. this is the same signature used in waltzes; the type of song that lily and lady gray dance to earlier in one of the memory sequences. from the very first moment, this song is intrinsically about gray's motherly feelings for lily, albeit in a very subtle manner. voided doesn't feel like a song that's in 3/4 to me, which is part of what made this hit me so hard. subtly and quietly, the song accompanying gray's descent is about lily.

the next aspect that is far more obvious about the song is the fact that it has vocals. this is a totally new element for void stranger, with no songs previously having vocals(i believe). initially, the song presents itself without them, feeling like a very normal, if rather somber, area theme, revealing its vocals around the time you've completed a couple of floors. with the introduction of vocals, voided lets you know that this is clearly a point where something big has changed, and very quickly it becomes apparent that it isn't good.

to begin with, voided begins very simply with a lot of clarity. a bare, quiet droning synth note that slowly gets a little louder, with it cutting out to give way to void stranger's signature basic sine wave providing some blips and bloops. shortly after, the vocals begin accompanied with some occasional bass notes. gray is still focused and determined without much else on her mind, all she's thinking about is lily and reaching her, communicated by the sparseness of the instruments. even in the first chorus, the chord progression is just some simple left hand piano chords. at this point, there is a slight hint that something is going wrong, as some of the notes are chosen very carefully to add tension, which slowly ramps as the song progresses.

at the end of the first chorus, a very tense, unnerving ascending synth note accompanies a break of silence with just echoing delay, which gives way to the song's first percussion, a single kick drum along with heavy bass notes - the song is becoming heavier and darker. when the second verse begins, the piano's left hand becomes slightly more complex, with soft strings in the background providing a sense of melancholy. the kick drum grounds us even as things become tenser and heavier.

the chords used at this point are a fairly simple minor progression, which is a large part of what adds that tension. the 6-7-5-1 used in the first half of the chorus is very, very determined, with the following 4-5-6-7 ascending progression that doesn't resolve itself to the root note until after the brief silence capitalizing on that determination while providing some more tension. the second half of the second verse("in this state of oblivion..."), there's a similar progression, a 1-6-4-6-7, which gives a similar state of tension and determination. however, it does something a little different here. one bar after the 7th chord, right after the vocals on "my walls stay strong" fade out, it ascends by one semitone to a note that isn't in the natural minor scale, one semitone below the root note(note: i am not knowledgeable enough about keys to know if this is in an uncommon minor key, so i'm working under the assumption that this song is in D# minor). this isn't extremely uncommon, especially in the songs in system erasure's games, but it is a move that adds a huge amount of tension to the song, aided by the chord change happening after one bar rather than two as in the rest of the verse. this is further amplified by the song not resolving to the root note as the second chorus begins, going back to the 6-7-5-1.

in the second chorus, a new percussion element is added; a set of sleigh bells. outside of christmas songs, i find these add a very cold, lonely feeling to songs, especially songs like this that are slow, sparse and in a minor key. final fantasy x's "out of the frying pan" is a great example of this. they're also placed exactly halfway between kick beats, subtly increasing the pace of the song along with the left hand piano increasing in complexity in terms of rhythm and melody.

as the breakdown begins, all elements besides the piano fall away briefly, providing a brief moment of quiet and clarity, before the other elements come back gradually. the droning synth in the backround bends up and down, a very uncomfortable sound, as the vocals come back, reusing clips from earlier but with heavy delay and reverb, giving them an otherworldly sense, as though she is calling out from somewhere far away, somewhere expansive yet empty. they're processed enough that you can just about tell which lyrics they are, but the wailing fades in and out and blends into itself. gray is becoming more desperate, losing her clearness of mind as she goes on and on without end. in terms of chord progression, the breakdown starts at the root note and just descends down the scale, repeating that over and over - a literal descent for gray, mental and physical. in the last 4 measures of the first part of the breakdown, there is again a double time chord change - until this point, the chords have changed every bar, but on the last bar of every measure, the chord changes twice, once at the start of the bar and again halfway through. for the first of these, it remains in the scale, but on the last three measures, the final chord change is a single semitone down, mimicking the technique in the second verse, but descending rather than ascending. things are becoming even more hopeless as she descends.

going into the second half of the breakdown, there is another, larger break of quiet, permeated only by the echoing delay of the synth and distorted vocals, with a piercing ascending drone cutting through. then, every instrument comes back at once. contrasting with the calm but distressed silences earlier in the song, it is a wall of sound, abundantly chaotic, and it makes clear how bad things have become. by briefly pulling back and fully reintroducing everything at once, it juxtaposes gray's previous calm and focus with her internal chaos and panic as everything comes back all together.

at this point, the chord progression changes to a purely chromatic descending progression, that is, a progression that descends by one semitone every change(D#, D, C#, C...). it also has the same usage of a chord change halfway between bars at the end of each measure. this progression repeats over and over, almost bludgeoning you with its weight. the percussion also becomes more complex again; the kick pattern intensifies, including triplets for a somewhat offbalance feeling, as thought you're being dragged along by the hand, along with a few different types of cymbals. the contrast between the different types of harsh cymbals add a lot to the chaotic feeling.

going back to the chord progression, the chromatic bass notes and left hand of the piano contrast heavily with the melody, which stays purely in key. notably this is a leitmotif that plays at several points in the game(i'm not quite sure where, but it is definitely one that's been heard a lot at this point). while the chords clash extremely harshly with this, the melody feels like it's barely holding onto what gray once was. both are repeated over and over, the remainder of gray's determination and lucidity fighting with the chaos and her urge to give up.

after several repeats of this, the progression and melody stays the same, but the vocals from the chorus are reintroduced, albeit with more reverb and delay(though not quite as much as the barely coherent vocals from earlier). she cries out from that far away void, literally begging herself to hold on over and over as she descends repeatedly with the chords, out of key, dissonant and chaotic.

as we reach the last line of the chorus, the progression changes to a 6-7-6-7, regaining a little bit of that determination. she cries "my loss is mine" in a new way, a more mournful, forlorn way, almost through gritted teeth with a wavering voice. with the determined, but still chaotic and desperate chords and the declaration of ownership of loss, she is determined to hold onto it as everything falls apart within her. in the very last bar before the lines about her grievance and sadness repeat for the last time, there is again another chord change halfway through, another ascending chromatic note that ascends one more semitone at the start of the next measure, resolving itself before going back to the descending chromatic progression, which plays one more time. they are accompanied by dramatic string chords which cut through now. for the final measure, we get a 6-7 chord progression, one last little bit of determination, before everything except the vocals abruptly cuts out. "my loss", she wails, painful vocals layered on top of each other, transition to a much gentler, painful exhalation of "is mine". it's sang with only one voice. with the distress and chaos cutting out, almost like she has snapped, the very last thing that gray is left with in the silence is her loss of lily, her loss of her life, her loss of self. but, it is hers, and that's all she has left to hold onto.

wow! that's 1592 words about the composition alone! my title is totally fucking wrong now! let's talk about the lyrics and vocals and how they relate to the composition.

The Lyrics and Vocals

i don't think i have a huge amount to say about the lyrics, but i also thought i didn't have that much to say about the composition. let's get started.

"There's a safety locker, inside of me, out of your reach, and I hold the key."

gray has compartmentalised her suffering, and her life before becoming the lady in waiting. so much of what goes on inside her she doesn't let lily see at all. i think this also alludes to the suffering she is currently going through in the void. she has packed it away, keeping it from lily and herself.

"It's sealed with layers and layers of irony, what's within, I refuse to see."

my interpretation of the irony here is the fact that lily has traded her soul to protect gray, and in the process of getting here, gray has died and traded her soul to become voided so she could reach lily again. her protectee has become her protecter, but she's recklessly tossed the protection aside to try and reclaim her position as lily's guardian. the other angle here is that by becoming voided to try and get to the bottom of the void to rescue lily, she ironically cannot reach her, no matter how hard she tries. she literally refuses to see this fact, her suffering packed away inside her safety locker, because acknowledging this would make it all meaningless. yet another angle is the irony that she cannot save lily and her child both, she must make a choice, and ends up saving the child rather than the person she went there for.

"I hold on, I hold on, I hold on, 'cause that's the only thing, the one thing that I can control."

fairly self explanatory - gray has lost it all in her quest. without lily, without being able to protect her, and having failed to protect her, she's lost everything. all she has left now is her refusal to give up, and the pain that comes with all of this.

"My grievance is mine, my sadness is mine, my loss is mine."

grief, sadness, loss. these are the things she has left, the last things guiding her to give her determination to go on, and they're all painful, terrible things, but they are hers, the last thing she has agency over, the last thing the void hasn't taken.

notably, at this point i think there is a sense of deep and desperate denial in these lyrics, especially in the way it's sung. the chorus of the vocals are almost a wail, a literal repeated declaration that she's holding on because that's the only thing she can do now. she denies that the void has taken everything from her, denies her failure, denies that she must give up as she pushes forward endlessly through this bizarre and ever changing labyrinth.

"One toss and I'll forever be blind, toss the key, oh please be kind."

she begs to let go of that compartmentalised suffering and grief. she wants to let go of her failure, begging herself to forget it so that she can "forever be blind" to her inability to protect lily and the impossibility of her task ahead.

"In this state of oblivion, my silence goes on, My bearings stay stored, my walls stay strong."

out of all the lyrics in voided, this sticks out the most to me. gray professes that she is strong, silent, protected internally, her "bearings stay stored" so she knows where she needs to go and isn't lost. but how can that be true with the way she repeatedly professes she's holding onto because it's all she can control? how can she still be strong when all she has left is grief and sadness and loss? you may take it as truthful and her just being that strong, but to me, it reads as a denial of the hurt she feels. she feels she has to ignore it in order to go on, but ironically it is also the one thing keeping her going.

as the music gets heavier and tenser, so does the singing. the vocalist, eevamari, wails slightly more desperately and painfully as we progress. her voice cracks ever so slightly on "bearings", letting the underlying desperation and the lie of her unwavering resolve shine through just a tiny bit. but it's enough for us to know.

the chorus repeats, and the cries of holding on start to feel heartbreaking when combined with the strings, the lonely and cold sleigh bells, the sad and determined piano. she holds the final "mine" for a significantly longer time as the song gets quieter, as though not wanting to let go, clinging on as hard as she can to her loss in this period of relative calm. perhaps she feels that if she lets go of it, she won't be able to bear grasping it again.

as stated earlier, the vocals in the breakdown are repeated clips from earlier, but jumbled, distorted and in a random order. they get more processed with delay, reverb and a filter in the second half of the breakdown, as gray loses herself more but seems to want to hold onto those declarations of strength and agency of her pain to keep her moving forward.

in the last section of vocals, the normal vocals are overlayed with some of those clips, giving a very otherworldly effect to the voice. gray isn't fully human anymore, with the implication to me of her brand earlier that she's become part of the void, and the effects on the voice sell that to us. as well, against the descending chromatic progression, as the song reaches its crescendo of dissonance and chaos, she yells over and over that she holds on again, cries out that her pain is hers. she holds onto all of this in the face of everything falling apart in the worst possible way, internally and externally.

right before the last repeat, eevamari again proclaims "my loss is mine", with what seem to be clips of "my grievance is mine" and "my sadness is mine" vaguely overlaying it. her pain has blended together into one, and is all she has left now.

that's about all i had to say about the vocals. it's a truly stellar performance, full of anguish and desperation and quiet determination that's slowly lost despite her desperate attempts to keep it.

so, this is obviously a fantastically composed song with great regard to the themes of the game. but why has it left such an impact on me that i've spent two and a half hours writing this insane post about a relatively short part of void stranger? let's talk about the most striking part of this sequence, what ties it all together; how it synchronises with the gameplay.

The Gameplay, or how my life has been ruined and I can't stop thinking about this

floor b225 is a brand room - the intermittent rooms with murals that you initially can't decipher. as you examine the brand, the game tells you:

[It is your brand]

ominous. something isn't right. we later learn that the brands belong to each void lord, so the implication is that gray has become one too when she became voided. we don't know this at the time, but something is obviously very off about this immediately. when we progress past b225, the ending sequence begins and voided starts to play. floor b226, where a void lord statue would normally be, contains nothing, and notably there is no void lord encountered on this path, adding to the unease.

on b227, we're given one of the chests that usually contain a locust idol without having to do a puzzle. rare, but not unprecedented. however, this chest is empty. to the best of my memory, the only time this happens earlier in the game is the segment with the thief, and there is no thief encountered here, or any npcs at all in this entire segment for that matter. another anomaly. there are a few accessible chests in this segment, but there's nothing in any of them. the very first chest has a note inside from bee saying that she left the recipient's favorite snack inside. maybe the void gods don't venture to this part, especially since it doesn't lead to the end of the void, and this layer belongs to lady gray now.

the pacing of the song is such that the vocals are likely to begin on b228. this floor is still fairly normal, but something notable happens when the vocals begin: the hud changes to display the lyrics. the hud is a white bar at the bottom of the screen that displays some important information, but all of that is removed with the song's lyrics imposed on the hud bar line by line. this is a huge departure from normality for the game, and our first big clue that Something is happening. when i realised what was happening at this point, i gasped because it was just so unexpected, with no indication there will be vocals until eevamari begins singing. zeroranger contained no vocals at all, so it was doubly unexpected for me.

sometime between the second half of the verse and the chorus, the sound effects disappear completely(i'm unsure whether they gradually fade or just stop suddenly). the music has totally overtaken the focus of the game and demands your attention both aurally and visually, along with the strange gameplay differences that are about to get worse. as the sound effects disappear, gray begs herself to hold on, hold on, hold on, as things begin to change and fade from what she's come to know and expect.

i'm not sure how many floors you can progress here before the game does its thing. at the end of the first chorus, timed with the hit of silence at the end of the ascending synth note, the screen cuts to black and we get a leitmotif played on the sine wave and piano, a somber and lonely moment in the dark. right after this, the first percussion appears with the singular kick drum note, and it becomes quickly apparent that something is very, very wrong.

this puzzle is impossible.

you cannot solve this puzzle. gray has made a significant jump offscreen to floor b288, implying a large degree of time passing from her point of view, and is now faced with an impossible puzzle. the mimic in the room to the right is standing on the stair tile, with the switch to unlock it in the room gray is in. you cannot get to the stairs, no matter how hard you try. this is timed with the music growing more grave, more tense, and seeing this impossible puzzle in tandem with that lends it this air of desperation and shock as the reality of gray's situation begins to make itself apparent. after a little bit, everything but the synth and piano cut out again, there is another black screen, and when it comes back, somehow gray has made progress.

offscreen, gray has progressed to floor b451, a detail you could easily miss in the midst of everything else going on, which is quite frankly overwhelming. a jump of 163 floors. for comparison, getting to floor b225 took me about 6 hours or so. somehow, she progressed through the impossible puzzle above. for reasons that you probably understand if you've done this ending, i don't think we can trust that the puzzle is truly impossible, but to our eyes, it is.

this puzzle is also impossible. the one tile wide hallway means you will only be able to push the rock onto the stairs and never reach them. after a moment, another cut to black.

something strange happens again. it's the same floor, but the rock has been replaced with an enemy. in truth, these "rocks" are eggs. tail, the first resident of the void we meet and a former void lord, tells us they're eggs that fall from above, but to our eyes, they are rocks, and it's reasonable to assume such. gray has spent such an indeterminably long amount of time here that the eggs has hatched. in the previous cut, she progressed 163 floors. how long did she spend here? there's another black screen after a second.

when the game comes back, gray has progressed to b???, a floor that has the exact same layout as the previous one we saw but with a different enemy. gray has either ventured so deep that there's no longer any point in numbering them, or she's forgotten how many floors she's passed. additionally, every impossible puzzle we've seen so far has one of the black statues above them. this adds an extra layer of impossibility to them, as we find out at the end of this sequence that entering stairs in front of one of these statues will reset our progress to the very beginning of the game, and only a simple memory will remain. i'm choosing to interpret this as us no longer being able to trust what we see, as gray's mind begins to fracture and she sees puzzles that appear to be impossible. she is also seeing those black statues above the stairs, a subtle cry for redemption, to start over and do things right. as the vocals come back here, there is no cut to black, but we do cut to another impossible puzzle. the lyrics are back on the hud. we linger for a little bit, and then cut to another puzzle that is even more impossible than the ones before it.

the stairs are gone.

the stairs are just gone. more than not being able to reach them, there is just no way to progress at all, even if we could get to them.

at the line "my walls stay strong", we get to this impossible puzzle. gray is quite literally surrounded by walls. while she professes her walls stay strong despite growing more and more desperate, she is trapped in this tiny corridor with two leeches that will reach her no matter what - to me, a clear metaphor that her silent, strong walls have already been breached by suffering. this is also where we get the first chromatic ascending chord to the second chorus, introducing more dissonance and desperation in the music, as we return to "i hold on, i hold on, i hold on".

we get to another impossible puzzle, but the stairs are back, albeit with the black reset statue above the stairs. notably, as gray professes that holding on is the one thing she can control, the player is quite literally having control slowly taken from them as we're faced with puzzles that we can't complete, and we're rapidly being torn from them and forced into new situations that we can't possibly escape. however, it gets worse.

as the instruments except the piano fall away, we cut to this puzzle(which is, unbelievably, impossible). the hud is back as gray has a quiet moment of clarity amidst her desperation. something is wrong, however. in the top right, there's a piece of the wall that's just missing, with a graphic of the side of a tile floating in the void in its place. more evidence of gray's failing mind and unreliability.

the next puzzle we cut to appears to be possible, but isn't, due to the pit to the left of the stairs actually being a wall. there's a statue above the stairs anyway. quite a few more of the tiles are illogical now. this is where the chromatic descending progression comes in, the music becoming more harsh and dissonant as things become stranger and bizarre.

we cut through a couple more illogical puzzles as the distorted vocals come in, and more and more tiles make no sense. the chromatic descending chords become more dissonant with more offkey notes as gray's desperation and despair grow, and she loses herself more in the internal turmoil.

as we hit the drop in the breakdown where everything pulls away before coming back all together, this is the puzzle that faces us. i think this one is possible, but you have about 8 seconds to see this, process all the information, and find the solution. even then, there's a statue above the stairs - even if you reached it, you couldn't progress. to me, this is a hint that gray's mind isn't totally gone yet, she's fighting to stay conscious in the monotony of these never ending puzzles that she can't properly percieve, but still begs for atonement.

the next three puzzles we see are increasingly bizarre and alien, with odd geometry, enemy arrangements, chests, annd then several sets of stairs, something never seen before. as the music grows more desperate and chaotic, so too do the puzzles.

as the vocals come back and gray calls out that she holds on, we cut to this puzzle where she stands over a pit, with no ground beneath her. surrounded by the denizens of the void who seem to watch, if she takes a single step in any direction, she'll fall. quite literally, all she can do in the darkness, the total pitch black of this ever shifting dungeon that is now beyond any form of reason to her, is hold on.

the next puzzle is a variant of the same concept. stuck on a singular tile along with other creatures in the void and statues. they are all in the same situation. there is no escape, only holding on.

as we cut to the next puzzle at "my grievance is mine", the tiles are now placed totally randomly. on top of this, control is wrested away from the player. we can no longer input anything, and this comes directly after the line "cause that's the only thing, the one thing that i can control". quite literally all that gray and the player can do now is hold on as void stranger drags us quickly by the hand through all of these random, illogical puzzles that are now changing twice every bar. the final part about this section is that gray is flashing from invincibility, implying she is taking damage constantly, as she loses everything, unable to hold on.

as eevamari wails "my loss is mine" for the penultimate time, the puzzles become smaller and smaller, this continuing over and over as the puzzles rapidly change, until gray eventually has only a single tile to stand on. notably, at the end of this, we go straight back into "my grievance is mine", skipping "i hold on". gray cannot even hold on anymore, she has lost all control. all she has left is grief, sadness, loss.

"my loss", eevamari cries as there are no tiles on screen, nothing in this black void, even lady gray, as the only thing we can see is the hud with the lyrics superimposed over it. "is mine", she breathes out as even that disappears, the music falling away, leaving us with just her voice, and then silence in blackness. all that remains is loss, literal loss of the way forward, of any sense of ending, of resolution.

once this segment ends, we rest in silence momentarily before reaching a floor with a birch tree. but unlike every other birch tree, should we rest under it, gray is unable to dream. we know from the end of the void ending that she still has more to recall and dream about, so it's reasonable to surmise that she's lost her ability to even dream by now, or perhaps has forgotten everything before coming to the void. in any case, it has all been for nothing. as noted by the atonement statue ahead that you're forced to reset with, she's lost something important, her promise. she can't even remember lily, her reason for coming here.

all she has left is her loss, but she doesn't remember what she has lost. but the loss is hers nonetheless.

jesus christ i wrote over five thousand words when i thought it would be one thousand

i didn't think i would write for four hours about this. i have been thinking about voided for two and a half full days at this point, and i think it shows. this five minute long sequence has affected me so deeply, because i feel it's a complete masterpiece in synthesis of music and gameplay and visuals, and how music can be used to make us feel things, and compliment other art to make them more than the sum of their parts. i really hope that it helped you understand why you're fucked up and insane about void stranger too.

thanks for reading! show your friends who played void stranger!

thanks to system erasure for making this incredible game that's ruined my life without even having finished it, and to eevamari for her astounding vocals that went a huge way to making this moment as impactful as it was.

[heavenlymorals]

Biblical References in the RDR Games: Part 2

You guys seemed to LOVE my original biblical references post for Red Dead so I am here to post some more because there are SO MANY. And like before, I am aware that some of these may be complete reaches, but it's my blog and I do what I want 🙃

Enjoy babes ❤️

@headersandheelers @secretcheesecakenacho Since you guys wanted to get tagged ❤️🤭

Arthur and Dutch mirror Moses and Pharaoh in chapter six. Arthur begs Dutch to let his "chosen" go, who are the people who he believes have a chance in living without the baggage of the gang (the women and John and his family). Dutch refuses to let them go, which creates the biggest conflict in chapter 6.

Arthur kicking out Strauss gives me heavy Matthew 21:12-14. Basically, Jesus kicks out loan sharks and sellers from a temple designated as a house of worship where people can be helped. Their presence destroyed the sanctity and the purity of the temple. Both the gang and the temple existed originally to help folks, but the presence of people like loan sharks destroy that original mission. So yes, Arthur kicking out Strauss is a parallel to Jesus kicking out the loan sharks from the temple.

The color for high honor is blue while the color for low honor is red. Blue in the bible is very often associated with heaven and God. Red in the bible represents the flesh that humans are trapped in during their time on earth, which can then correlate back to sin and violent.

Micah was a prophet in the bible who is most known for predicting the fall Jerusalem. Micah in the game also predicts the fall of the gang in the sense that he was the one who caused it. The name Micah also means he who is like God, so the irony is kinda funny.

John being able to see the cracks in the gang before many of the other characters could very well be a reference to this passage: "For you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you Free" - John 8:32. Abigail in RDR also says this which is a reference to this passage: "You knew the truth, John. And they hated you for it."

Just another passage that reminds of Arthur's redemption and the whole searching for peace thing: "Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it" Psalm 34:14

The mission "A Fisher of Men" is a reference to Matthew 4:18-20. "While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him." Of course, beyond just the action of fishing with Jack, this is also a parallel to Arthur's empathetic yet still firm style of talking to Jack. "It's about time you earned your keep." "You got to stick at things, Jack."

The mission "The Sheep and the Goats." In Matthew 25:31-46, it describes how God will separate people in two groups. The "sheep" will inherit heaven and the "goats" will be damned. You can connect that to the gang as well. The sheep are the ones who leave Dutch while the goats stay with him and become damned or a shameful version of who they once were.

Also note in the epilogue how John says he doesn't like goats and chooses sheep as the first animals to raise on his ranch. That could also connect to Matthew 25:31-46.

The mission name "Do Not Seek Absolution" is really interesting to me because it's the first biblical mission name that could either be a reference to scripture, which I'm thinking Deuteronomy 12:13 in the sense that one shouldn't offer their praise or worship to false gods who won't answer prayers (think Arthur and Dutch and how Arthur was still following Dutch after the gang lost it's original image) or a rejection ofa the Christian mindset of the time. Absolution is the idea of the promise of having your sins forgiven by God. It might be saying that Arthur should try to redeem himself by his action towards the person rather than his guilt towards a higher power.

Molly getting burnt rather than having a funeral is less a biblical detail but more a cultural detail. Though cremation wasn't really condemned in the Bible, the passages about being buried in the ground or in tombs was the people's standards in how they wanted their dead body to be handled due to religious reasoning. Whether or not Molly is Protestant or culturally Catholic (I lean the latter), the fact that Grimshaw asks for her body to be burnt just adds so much more weight to how cruelly traitors of the gang were dealt with

Love this stuff sm

[lains-reality]

nondualism and "manifestation"

okay so there was an anon question abt manifesting. i'll answer with this post. i barely proof read this so tell me if theres an error. if you need more (you don't) then there are relevent links at the end.

anon: Ima here with a question :) Suppose I'm manifesting my desired clothes , so I just be aware/know that I already have them in my closet ? And Whenever I think that nope it's not true they aren't there …I JUST USE MY IMAGINATION, SEE A PICTURE OF THOSE CLOTHES AND AGAIN BECOME AWARE OF THE FACT THAT I HAVE THEM ? Basically when I found myself thinking about them I just shift my awareness to that I have them ! is this all I have to do ? And what if I feel euphoric 🤧 knowing that I already those clothes in my closet ? Is it oky ig it should be bc feeling has nothing to do with it !? RIGHT ?

I'll ask these questions first: do you want the desire or to be free? could you let go of trying to get happiness from this item and sit in the happiness you are?

you don't use your imagination. you ARE imagination. you're living in your imagination.

you don't have to identify with those thoughts telling you, you don't have the clothes

you've asked this question to another blogger, so you're spamming, searching for an answer? not gonna get you anywhere .. also have u even read my posts?

are you the person that sent this? nondualism IS NOT A METHOD

first of all, i want to you to remove every information, believing that it's real, your brain, spiraling, wavering, blockages, the universe giving you what you want, someone outside of you, the 3d, the 4d, behind the scenes, the 3d mirroring you, saturating your brain, etc ... [choroukgod]

there's no manifesting.

you are not the manifestor. you are not the doer. i mean it as the character, anon, doesn't do anything. Self does. Self can also be called awareness or consciousness. for Self, all exists. its like a comb, there's the handle and then all the teeth. Self is the handle, you anon, are one of the teeth. you are Self imagining being a human with desires.

i'll give you a snippet of a draft post i made:

"they wanted to be the doer. the character doesn't do. it's not You, it's just a habit. when you know you are Self, then everything is harmonious and effortless. the Self does, it is under all the imaginary character - if the character isn't real, then it doesn't do, the Self does."

since you are Self, this means you are beyond time and space, body and mind. they're not real. only the character/mind thinks its real, it'll chat forever about how you need to do this and that.

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it's a collection of thoughts, feelings and memories that you've collected and turned into a habit. it's a habit to go back to the memories as a reference point. its a habit to identify with thoughts that come into your awareness. when you stop the habit and don't identify as the character, it goes away.

abt the body: well when you dream, you might still think. you feel the body and all, all the sensations. it feels real enough. then you wake up. you didn't take the physical body into the dream did you? you just felt the sensation of having one. doesn't this mean it's a bunch of sensations, just like a thought in the mind is?

also the mind can affect the body (e.g. nervous feeling -> sweaty palms). the thought or feeling rising into awareness, the mind takes note and ownership "i'm nervous, my hands are sweaty", affecting the body. if the unreal mind can affect something, then is that thing also not unreal?

(try to observe the thoughts or feelings next time without attaching a story to it or resisting it. see whether it goes away quicker. being able to accept the present moment is essential for this)

extra note - you as Self is also imagining the concepts of manifesting and shifting (and all the concepts related e.g. states, 3d, persisting etc).

thinking they the reason why you can get what you want IS FALSE. THOSE ARE YOUR OWN CREATIONS, ARE YOU GOING TO CREATE SOMETHING OUT OF YOUR OWN CREATIONS? [choroukgod]

What is there to be saved from except illusions? And what are all illusions except false ideas about myself? My holiness undoes them all by asserting the truth about me. - acim workbook

so, you know now the reality of who you are and not to identify with the imaginary, lets talk about the desire.

desires are born out of not knowing who you are. if you think you're the body-mind then several hundred concepts are needed to be taken into account to just live.

another snippet

"all these memories, feelings, thoughts and subsequent stories create desires and fears. the mind will try and protect itself and plan for stuff, but it can't. because it's so limited in knowledge & power."

the character wants the desire because of the story it has, the feeling. usually of happiness, love, joy. what you don't know is that that's your standard way of being. so you search everywhere.

the characters main motivation is to find the truth and happiness, underneath the searching is the belief 'i am not okay' or 'i am not enough', which leads to several needs & fears but importantly, need of control, especially of the future. it refuses to sit in the present moment.

desire is completely fine actually, its the attachments to it that make it hurtful. when you don't understand that desire is just another passing sensation, you, as the character, think you NEED it and will not stop until you get it, or you suffer.

you think that theres a world to control. you think that its outside of you. you think that there is a physical world. you're missing the most important info of all: all is Self. all is consciousness. all is awareness. whatever you wanna say. all is you, theres nothing to manipulate now. theres nothing to force now. its all unreal. you as Self, are imagining to be a human with desires that now has to change stuff that they think is real! how exhusting! you don't even need to change yourSelf, Self is perfect!

there's nothing to do.

Self is all. Self is whole. Self is perfect. Self is who you actually are.

there's no transition to Self. you already are that. it's letting go of all the concepts of limitations that is a transition. - i don't remember who said this, maybe lester levenson?

manifesting is not the point. the point is to be free! it's to recognise your true self! not just to feel better or okay .. to BE freedom, to BE peace, love etc. do you want to keep going into imagination to fufilll yourself all the time? you don't have to if you understand that you are fulfillment, you are whole already.

the "world" changing can't sway you because you are complete as you are, when you manifest with the intention to fulfil the desire so you 'physically' get it - you're only gonna feel full when you get the thing .. and then it goes. things cannot fulfil you. what would happen if the clothes get shredded by a dog? your happiness goes. why? why would you place your happiness on a thing that is FINITE?

being in the present moment is best. its literally the only way you live. you can't see into the past or future, there is only now.

The best place to grow is right where you are. The best time is now.

when you're worrying abt the future, you're thinking more. when you're worrying abt the past, more thoughts. in the present moment, you slow down and see what is in front of you now.

when you get caught up in the mind, you can stop yourself halfway (or even after it happens) and go "oh the mind was doing ...", then you start to pick up how much your mind wanders back or forwards. you start to pick up how limiting the thoughts are when you remind yourself that you are not the body or mind. with the understanding that the mind is imaginary -> no need to listen or identify with what's happening. it just is. feelings or emotions that come up into awareness cannot do anything. you are never disconnected from Self.

'oh i want to go [x] but i have to buy a plane ticket and get this and that...' -> if you are not the body-mind you don't have to worry about physically travelling anywhere, you are beyond time and space naturally. you don't have to prepare anything either, the mind wants to plan, but Self is harmonious and all, so whatever you 'need' will come to you. lester actually did this once.

"With full confidence that “everything is A-okay and taken care of,” I packed a bag and walked out of the house."

when you catch yourself in the moment: release and disidentify. you can just disidentify with it immediatly if you want to.

to release a belief or emotion (probs also desires) (sedona method):

welcome the feeling.  it doesn’t have to be strong. it is what it is. ask yourself: Could I let it go? Would I let it go? When? then, remembering that you are not the body-mind, answer. deep breath in and out, let relief come if you feel it. read the link for more.

when you ask yourself, “Could I let this feeling go?”,  remind yourself that you can let any emotion go, like dropping an object. when you ask yourself, “Would you let the feeling go?”, consider whether you would you rather hold on to pain, stress, and suffering, or, would you rather be free? when you ask yourself, “When?”, what you’re doing is creating an invitation to do it now

it can take some courage depending on the emotion, the character'll want to run away. but sit in the present moment and observe the feelings. ignoring and suppresing is not healthy. the focus is to keep releasing the feeling when it comes up. you can also coax the feelings up yourself.

to disidentify: well, just don't identify with it. just go "oh that's a thought". maybe remember your Self. maybe say 'on this path i constantly give up trouble' and move on. a simple knowing that that is not You, is enough.

surrender. i used to be scared of surrender bcs i thought it'd mean i have to let go of control and i'd get nothing! or just the same thing or worse! i was scared, i as the character was in full force. then some days past and i calm down (and lowkey give up), then i get some experience where it feels like i'm saying 'yes you ARE your true Self, its natural!!' to myself. something happens w/ 0 effort and i'm never suprised tbh (i used to be), it only grows my faith in mySelf. i promise you when you go 'f it idk whats gonna happen, it'll be fine' it'll be okay. but first you need to understand who you are. you trust your Self and just release the stories that tell you you aren't, that you are stuck, that you haven't got it, that you aren't fulfilled etc.

let me rephrase that bcs ppl saying "just believe!" used to piss me off: surrender it all. just stop. on this path you constantly give up trouble. you give up entertaining thoughts that make you feel bad. stop getting annoyed at yourself. stop beating yourself up. stop trying. just let yourself relax. if you want to do something, do it so you can feel better rather than to fix, manipulate, control etc.

all this arguing takes effort. it takes energy to not surrender. its hard to be something you are not. all the effort is being put into being an ego or to resist being it. you're squashing god into a small box and going 'why won't i fit?!' - lester levenson (modified)

Self is perfection, you are not surrendering to get worse, you are surrendering to perfection. Absolute Perfection. your mind only knows like 20 years (less or more!) of experience, in only one way of being. to your Self, there is all.

if theres anything to "do" its recognising stories of limitation and releasing/disidentifying as them.

(although surrendering is put last here. it is actually the first step. it might even be the only step)

self inquiry pointers (do not skip)

could i let go of wanting to get happiness from [insert item] and allow myself to rest as the happiness i am? can i turn [desire] into a desire for freedom? would i rather have the desire or would i rather be free? am i longing for the desire or to get out of pain? can i let go of wanting to change this and let it be as it is? could i let go of [belief]? would i rather believe in [the belief] or know the truth? would i rather believe in [the belief] or be the truth? am i arguing for my limitations?

more

letting go of ego | haven't read yet, but the skim looked good.

detachment | edwardart

what is the main difference between the now and old? | nisargadatta

go all the way, not just tolerate and endure | lester levenson

the true you | 4dbarbie

self surrender | edwardart

things come to die | heavenlythea (use of the word 3d, but still great post)

manifesting is struggling, life is effortless | 4dbarbie

how did i get something random? | 4dbarbie

attachments | 4dbarbie

some pics to read

after thoughts

i talk abt a method after my you don't need a method post lol, but that method is actually completely for the mind, says it upront and isn't just used for manifesting. in the end you'll stop using this too

could this be a guide to recognising your greatness? maybe?

let go of the insane amounts of responsibility, pressure, and personal attachment you've put on yourself.

[maxdibert]

Hi, me again👋

How are you?❤

I was wondering what you thought about the relationship between Severus and Voldemort. The way Severus should not even be in the DEs, let alone in the inner circle sitting on Voldemort's right because of his blood and social status. Grayback is also part of them, but they treat him like filth for his blood and werewolf condition. All the while, Severus is Voldy's N1. advisor.

Also, the way he keeps bending his own rules and principles to accommodate Severus, have him fit in and even keep him above the purebloods. Voldemort, who does not do favours, agrees not to murder Lily, a muggle-born witch, a memeber of the OotP and Harry's mother, because Severus asked him not to. How that plea becomes the Dark Lord's doom later.

The way Narcissa asks for Severus' help instead of Bella's or Lucius' when they are both purebloods in the inner circle, swimming in money. She knows, if there's anyone that can "handle" Voldemort and save Draco it's Severus.

And lastly, how Voldemort does not want to kill Severus, how he says he regrets it. That does not happen with any other of his victims.

And I don't mean this relationship as romantic either, just as two people, one the master and the other- the servant.

That's all,

Have a nice day❤

Hellooo <3

I really don’t think it’s such a big deal. Voldemort is a natural manipulator and knows how to exploit people’s fears, weaknesses, and needs to his advantage. It’s clear that he probably heard about Severus’s abilities—most likely from his long-time associate, Lucius Malfoy—and became interested in having a talented recruit among his followers. I wouldn’t be surprised if he saw Severus’s lack of resources and his disdain for Muggles (due to his association with his father) as an opportunity to manipulate and radicalize him, enabling Voldemort to exploit his talents as he pleased.

We often view villains as irrational, but through Tom Riddle’s memories, we know that Voldemort wasn’t just a crazed supremacist. He was always intelligent and cunning, using his charm to seduce and manipulate people for his own benefit. The fact that Severus was a half-blood was irrelevant—if anything, his status made him easier to manipulate. Voldemort valued talent, and Severus had plenty of it, so it seems perfectly logical that Voldemort prioritized his abilities over his blood status.

Severus turned out to be a very useful member—why not do him a favor? I’ve always thought that Voldemort viewed the matter of Lily as a youthful, lust-driven whim. Something like, “Fine, let him keep his little Mudblood toy if it means he keeps doing such a good job.” People often overthink this, but to me, giving him a “small gift” to keep him “happy” and working better is a common strategy used by those in power to control their subordinates. Voldemort’s mistake was failing to realize the depth of Severus’s feelings or to investigate why Lily, specifically, mattered so much to him. If he had done so, instead of assuming it was just a passing fancy, the story might have turned out differently.

On another note, I don’t think Narcissa went to Severus because she saw him as a role model. She approached him because Lucius had fallen from grace, making him an unsuitable option, and because she knew that:

Bellatrix would never go against the Dark Lord’s orders, let alone stop Draco’s “initiation,” which she saw as an honor, and

Severus was Draco’s professor, and since Draco’s mission was to kill Dumbledore, the only person who could realistically monitor Draco 24/7 and step in if necessary was Severus.

I also think Voldemort appreciated Severus as a highly capable and talented individual. I believe he liked him more than some of his other followers because, unlike a spoiled pureblood brat, Severus had risen from humble beginnings and earned his place through ambition and skill—qualities Voldemort valued because he had done the same. Beyond that—and it’s not a minor point, considering most of his followers, except perhaps Bellatrix and maybe Barty, meant little to him—I don’t think there was much more to their relationship. Voldemort valued Severus in the same way a hunter values one of their best weapons: an incredibly effective, rare, and valuable tool that is almost impossible to replace. He appreciated Severus because he was useful, but that’s about it. At least, that’s how I see it.

[jmdbjk]

Hello 2024

I did a thing:

We know there will be lots to look forward to but if you find yourself with some time, please read the book, Beyond the Story.

A lot of things that are confusing, especially to those who weren't around since 2013, can be understood more clearly through the words of the members in the book.

If you can, watch the docuseries Beyond the Star. So much information from them, in their own words, their tone of voice, and in context with what they are trying to communicate, adds another layer of context.

And watch the recent HYBE Labels series that explains what T&D is... their staff become emotionally attached to their trainees too. To see them bloom into fully rounded artists that take off on their own journeys must be an amazing experience. It helps to have real human faces to associate with "the company."

The series should be eye-opening for some. I hope it is. Hearing that Namjoon and BTS formed the foundation for how they develop trainees... imagine that... huh...

You will learn so much about them and how they got to this point.

That's not to say that they didn't work hard, that they weren't pushed, that they didn't question themselves, but the big picture is that they were young, making it up as they went, both the members as individuals and the company itself. Bang PD had the experience but he also had other ideas that broke away from the normal.

Not to mention the enormous pushback, bullying, downright hate, they received all through it. I don't know how they kept going.

It took years for them to be able to stop, take stock in what they'd accomplished and how they got there and then decide what they wanted to do from then on. And then they did it again this past year, choosing to forge ahead as a group with their company.

I believe they indeed talked about ten, twenty, even thirty years and have tentatively outlined what they want to accomplish. I think they are working their way toward whatever it is they envisioned.

Nothing is a coincidence but I bet a LOT is serendipity.

On another note, my two that I pay closest attention to...

Jungkook tried all year to tell us they were a pair. And Jimin... bless his heart. What a handful he has, right? Maybe they are both a handful for each other and that's why they are together right this minute.

Jimin sort of intimated in his last live that after MS he can do whatever he wants without hindrance, whether he means pushing the envelope with his creativity or just being able to work without anything hanging over him...

And Jungkook is apparently building a wonderful and securely-walled place to live that will be ready for when they're discharged. Very large for one person and a dog...yeah, it's huge.

Just my own thoughts here: at this point, with everything we know, the possibility could be that Jimin and Jungkook may live together following MS. There will be enough room in that place for sure, 5 levels? 12,000 square feet? It's huge. Why wouldn't they? That's just my own thought.

[aishangotome]

Alfons Sylvatica: [Blind Love] Epilogue

Chapter 25

♡———♡

For him, love is fleeting, and everyday life is fragile.

So, every day, every second, I carve it into my heart and body, and hold it dear.

---That is how I love my dear illusion.

Kate: Roger, I found an interesting note in this church's records.

Roger: Hmm? Which one? Let me see.

I occasionally visit the basement like this to continue my joint research with Roger on the "mirror curse."

In addition to reading through materials, we also narrow down places and people to conduct interviews.

(Alfons is...ah, he's asleep.)

Even though he doesn't cooperate with the research, Alfons always comes along for some reason, and he spends his time freely playing with lab equipment, reading books, or sleeping on the examination bed.

Roger: Al, lend me your arm for a bit.

Alfons: Eh...? ...No. You're going to draw blood again, aren't you? Are you that fond of my blood, you pervert?

Roger: Yeah, I am. It's a valuable sample for monitoring the progress of the transfusion.

Although he makes a grumpy face, he does cooperate with the research about once every ten times.

(He's like a fickle cat.)

Encouraged by Alfons's profile, I turned back to the materials.

To remember his profile, this time, because he is cursed by the "mirror."

-

Kate: Thank you again for accompanying me today.

Alfons: You're welcome. Thank you for your hard work on the research, even though we haven't made any progress yet.

Kate: Hehe, I'll make sure we get results eventually, so don't worry.

Alfons: Yes, yes, I'm looking forward to it.

(Ah...again.)

Alfons sometimes looks at me like this, with his eyes narrowed as if he's dazzled.

(I love this look...it's like he's trying to burn me into his memory.)

I feel like Alfons is trying to carve me into his heart and body, just as much as I'm trying to do the same with him.

It's becoming my happy habit to look for the "truth" in Alfons' subtle gestures, since he rarely says "I love you" or "I like you" in words.

Alfons: Oh, by the way, Kate.

Kate: Yes...?

Alfons: I'm going out tonight. I won't be back until morning, so please go to sleep first.

Where are you going? - I desperately held back the urge to ask.

**flashback**

Alfons: I'm afraid I can't stop going out at night. It's my hobby, my pleasure, and my life's work.

Alfons: Going out drinking, showing illusions… but

Alfons: I want to try to love you properly, so

Alfons: I won’t do that with anyone other than you… no kissing, no caressing, no sex.

**flashback over**

I haven't yet followed him to confirm his "only me" statement.

(Because I believe the words Alfons gave me...)

When he goes out at night, my head is filled with thoughts of him.

But even the time I spend like that at night is proof that Alfons is deeply engraved in me, so it's precious to me.

Kate: ...I understand. Have a good time.

Alfons: Ah ha! Don't make such an obviously lonely face.

Kate: Huh? I'm not lonely, it's normal...

Alfons: That's a problem too. Even if it's normal, please be lonely.

Kate: Wh-what...?

Alfons: Well then, see you tomorrow.

He kissed my cheek and left for the entrance.

(He told me not to make a lonely face, and to be lonely...)

Roger: He's a selfish guy, isn't he?

Kate: R-Roger...were you listening?

I turned around to see Roger standing halfway up the stairs leading to the basement, with a mischievous smile on his face.

Roger: If you're lonely, I can keep you company while he's gone.

Kate: I'm fine, really, I'm not lonely at all.

Roger: Oh really?

After glancing in the direction of Alfons, who had disappeared beyond the entrance,

Roger smoothly placed his hand on my chin and—

Roger: I think I understand what Al was saying. He said it's cute when you pout.

Kate: –Hn!?

He kissed me as if it were natural.

Kate: Wh-what, why so suddenly!?

I hurriedly pushed him away, but Roger just smirked.

Roger: Because you're a good woman who's lonely but acts tough, and Al is too careless.

(Wh-what should I do...)

Kate: Alfons said he wouldn't be with anyone but me...

Roger: ...

Roger: Heh, heh! So that's what you're worried about, huh, little missy?

Roger chuckles gleefully as I turn pale.

Kate: ... Huh? What else is there to worry about?

Roger: Hmm... No, nothing. I was just teasing. Don't worry, I won't do it again.

Roger: But if that guy makes you cry, I might just have to do something about it.

Roger: I have a fondness for tearful faces.

Kate: N-no way...! I don't plan on being made to cry!

I ran up the stairs to escape Roger's egotistical smirk.

-

And then--the next day.

(Yesterday's kiss... was my fault for letting my guard down.)

(I absolutely, absolutely need to make sure it doesn't happen again.)

(...And it wouldn't do any good to make Alfons feel bad, so it's better to keep it a secret, right?)

Alfons: What's with that troubled look on your face, Kate?

Kate: Eek...!?

I jump up as he pokes me in the side.

Alfons: Ah, you're so sensitive. Is this an erogenous zone too?

Kate: I was just ticklish...!

Alfons, who had just returned from a night out and woken up a moment ago, laughed cheerfully with his shirt still rumpled from sleep.

(I'll keep it a secret after all...)

(Alfons keeps secrets from me too, about where he goes and what he does at night...!)

I changed my mood and announced today's plans.

Kate: More importantly, we promised to draw a portrait of you today, right, Alfons?

Alfons: Of course, I remember. Ah, shall I take this off?

Kate: It's fine as it is!

I stopped Alfons' hand as he reached for the buttons of his shirt and pushed him into a chair.

Alfons: This was an attempt to leave a picture behind in case the ink writing fades, wasn't it?

Alfons: Didn't you take a photo with the same reasoning the other day?

Alfons: And before that, you got your hands on the latest equipment, a phonograph, and recorded my voice, didn't you?

Kate: Just being extra careful! Now, please stay still.

Alfons: Yes, yes.

Alfons teased me a bit more before crossing his long legs and resting his cheek on his hand on the armrest.

I set up the easel and canvas I had prepared and began to sketch.

Alfons: Kate, I didn't know you could draw.

Kate: I can't. That's why I'm practicing.

Alfons: By the time you're a grandmother, you'll have improved and will surely be able to draw a perfect likeness.

Kate: Ah ha! Do you intend to live with me until I'm a grandmother?

Alfons: How optimistic of you, to be involved with a man whose profession is assassination.

(Of course, I know. No one knows when death will come.)

The things I'm accumulating now may not be able to overcome fate.

(Even so...)

Kate: That's why I want to capture the present moment that we're living together.

Alfons: ...Hehe, how straightforward.

Alfons looked at me intently with those dazzling eyes again.

Every time I look at him to confirm his form, my heartbeat quickens as I meet his beloved gaze.

(I, I have to focus.)

I moved the charcoal as if to dispel unnecessary distractions. But...

(This is... It might not just be a lack of talent.)

The more lines I added, the more hopeless the result became.

Alfons: What's wrong? Your face is getting paler and paler.

Kate: Ah, don't move... Don't look!

Alfons: Let me see...

As soon as he saw the disastrous picture I had drawn on the canvas, Alfons pointed at it rudely and burst into laughter.

Alfons: Ahahaha! Ah, you... Is this a human being? Ahahahaha!

Kate: It will be! I'll get better!

Alfons: Ha... You're a really interesting person.

After laughing until tears came out, Alfons snatched the charcoal from my hand.

Kate: Ah...!

Alfons: Hey, Kate.

Alfons: For the sake of improvement, shouldn't you get to know my body... better?

Kate: ...

When his seductive voice poured into my ears, my body ached sweetly as if a switch had been flipped.

Alfons guided my fingertips, which were wandering in the air after the charcoal was taken away, to the buttons of his shirt.

Kate: ...Your shirt... will get dirty with charcoal...

Alfons: Please dirty it, with your fingers.

He was deliberately using suggestive language, enjoying my reaction.

(I know, but...)

As expected, I was made to imagine indecent things, and my body became wet with anticipation.

(...It's like I'm being trained to Alfons' liking.)

(It's embarrassing, but... I'm happy.)

It's because it's proof that he's carving his love into me - I can't help but feel happy.

After letting me unbutton his shirt, Alfons guided my fingertips inside.

Alfons: See, if you touch me like this... you can understand my contours better, can't you?

Kate: ...

As I was guided, my fingertips traced the contours of his muscles, moving down from his chest to his abdomen.

Kate: Ah... Alfons...

Alfons: Remember my form well.

---By the time I touched his warmth, I had already fallen into his sweet trap.

-

After taking pictures, recording our voices, and even leaving behind drawings... maybe at least one of them will remain.

After our sketching session gradually turned into a sweet moment in bed—

Alfons playfully laughed while languidly twirling my sulking hair.

Alfons: I used to hate photos, you know?

Kate:...Is that so?

Alfons: Yes, you took my photo virginity. You have to take responsibility for it.

My nose was poked, and the sweet ache in my chest made me forget my sulking.

(The Alfons who was trying to irresponsibly abandon our relationship and disappear...)

(To say something like "take responsibility" that ties us to our relationship...)

Joy slowly spread through me—at the same time, I remembered something I felt guilty about.

(Alfons is trying to love me so properly...)

(To keep it a secret... it's not good, is it?)

Kate: U-um... Alfons, there's something I need to apologize for.

Alfons: Oh my, this sounds interesting. What is it?

Kate: I...

Kate: When you weren't around, Roger kissed me.

Alfons: ..........

Kate: I'm so sorry...

Alfons stared blankly for a moment, then started to laugh, his shoulders shaking.

(W-why is he laughing...?)

Alfons: Oh dear... You really are something else... Heh.

Alfons: Go ahead, you can have as many "meaningless kisses" as you want.

Kate: Huh!? But, Alfons, you said you wouldn't kiss anyone but me...

Alfons: Doesn't count if the other person forces it on me, right? That's an accident, an accident.

(Oh, good... Huh? But that means...)

Kate: So you're saying you don't count those kinds of kisses either, Alfons?

Alfons: Oops, I shouldn't have said that.

Kate: ...How many times have you had those kinds of kisses since you said you'd only kiss me?

Alfons: Hmm, I don't remember. Maybe two or three times, maybe not.

(This guy...!)

I leaned over Alfons and roughly pressed my lips against his.

He laughed with glee, and I hated the way his lips received it.

Kate: Nn... Ah, Alphonse, you good-for-nothing!

Alfons: Yes, I know.

Kate: Womanizer! Liar! Pervert!

Alfons: That last part was a compliment, wasn't it?

Kate: You jerk...

My body is rolled over, and our positions reversed.

With a creak of the bedsprings, Alfons leans over me.

Alfons: Do you hate me for being a good-for-nothing, a womanizer, a liar, and a pervert?

Kate: ...uh...y-yes...!

The perpetrator, who knew exactly how I would respond, smiles like a devil.

As if trying to burn each and every one of my reactions into his memory, he narrows his dazzling eyes.

(He's toying with my feelings again, teasing me... He really is an impossible person.)

(But...)

Kate: ...I...love you...

(I can't imagine a life without you anymore.)

Alfons: Hehe, good.

Alfons: I love you too, Kate.

His curved lips drop a sweet kiss.

I want to continue this playful exchange forever.

Until it's etched into my memory, leaving a mark that will never fade.

-

As usual, a gloomy darkness lies over London, England.

The man who shows illusions to escape from this reality for a moment was about to throw himself into the darkness again tonight.

Roger: Going again? You're persistent, aren't you?

Alfons: You're persistent too. Do you enjoy talking to me?

Roger: I'd love to expose your true intentions for always making the lil lady sad and anxious.

Alfons: Do you really think I'd tell you honestly?

Roger: Who knows. But if the day comes when you don't come back by morning, I'll take the young lady.

Roger: --What would you do if I said that?

Alfons: Ah ha! Do you think I'd just casually die again?

Laughing with a distorted face, Alfons turned his whole body towards Roger.

Alfons: I'd rather not die before her.

Alfons: I'll die after Kate, even if it's just by a minute or a second.

Alfons: I don't want to be forgotten by her.

Alfons: Oh, and also--

Roger: ....!

Alfons grabbed Roger's chest and pulled him closer. In his smiling face, only his grey eyes were filled with cold murderous intent.

Alfons: ...If you kiss Kate again, I'll bite off those lips.

After spitting out these words, he turned his back on Roger and left the castle without looking back.

Roger: I see. ...Even his way of loving is troublesome.

As Roger sees him off, the sound of two sets of footsteps reaches his ears without a moment's delay.

Kate: ...Roger, you're just in time.

Roger: Hmm? What's wrong, lil lady... and Elbert?

Elbert: I was taking a walk... and Kate called out to me...

Kate: Roger, would you also like to... not follow Alfons' tail, but, um, yes!

Kate: Would you like to accompany us on a walk... while watching his back?

Roger: ...Your way of loving is just as troublesome, lil lady.

Kate: Yes...?

Roger: Never mind. I'm talking to myself.

-

For him, love is fleeting, and everyday life is fragile.

That's why he plays with me day and night, driving me crazy - that's his way of loving.

And he seems to enjoy it even more since he fell in love with me.

I'm still being swayed by this lovely, indecent illusion today.

FIN

----

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