#i think it has something to do with the chronic pain in my lower back & leg but like. literally fuck me i want to cry.

[kalashtars]

being unable to sleep is definitely in the top 5 most insanity-inducing experiences, i think i'd have a better chance at withstanding waterboarding

[catdia]

Sevika with a Chubby S/o

Sevika loves bigger women, something about round tummies and thick thighs makes her go wild

calls you her peach because your nice and juicy

runs her fingers along your stretch marks, grabbing fistfuls of your flesh

chronic ass slapper and biter

uses your belly as leverage to fuck into you with her strap

constantly tells you that she wants to get you pregnant if she could

that you’ll make a great mama for her children

Sevika is much leaner and muscular, so whenever you get the chance you trace her abs with your finger tips

amazed by her raw powerful body you get an excuse to make her move furniture or heavy boxes

Silco adores you, so does Jinx. he asks Sevika how are you doing and genuinely cares about you (especially when you brought cookies for his daughter). because he has seen first hand what your relationship does to Sevika

got into a pretty nasty fight? Sevika punches his goons half to death. and looks even scarier than ever before

you patched up Sevika’s poncho after it got snagged on a broken window? he could almost see a sliver of a blush on her cheeks

his right hand woman has no idea the effect you have on her does she?

Sevika even toned down drinking and smoking

“my lady chews my ear off if I smell too much like a drive bar.”

you call her beautiful as you kiss her countless scars and rub the shoulder of her mechanical arm

“i’m everything but beautiful, doll.”

something primal takes over her as she sees how different your bodies are. you so soft and plush, her’s hard and brutal.

treats you like an absolute princess. buys you what ever you want. gives you what ever you want.

you are the one that cuts and styles her hair. she even asked you to shave her bald once and you had a heart attack.

Sevika plays dirty in card games. for every round she wins you take off a piece of clothing. one time she left you completely bare and you were pissed because you saw her cheat more than once.

ate your fat pussy out as a form of sorry

when she tells you to sit on her face, you SIT on her face

no “I’m too heavy” bullshit. if she couldn’t handle a little weight on her then she wouldn’t have the privilege of calling you her woman

and have you seen her?! Sevika is a tank. she can certainly handle herself (and you) more than anything

sleeps nude, with her chest pressed against your back and always a hand on your lower tummy

walks around the apartment shirtless all the time. flexes her arm when she catches you staring

uses your arm fat as a stress ball. It “makes her think better”. her words not mine

you patch her up after rough deals, crying and yelling at her for being too reckless. so selfish

Sevika kisses you. nose running down your neck, smelling your sweetness. she hates seeing you in pain. especially if it was caused by her

“i don’t like it when you cry.”

[thebibliosphere]

I don't think this is something you've mentioned before, but I don't know where else to turn.

When I drink alcohol of any type I (occasionally) have an issue where within minutes of the first sip my shoulders and back are in intense pain and discomfort. I call it getting Atlas'd (or Alcohol Roulette) because it feels like im very literally shouldering the world. It doesn't happen every time but something about 1/3rd of the time and it doesn't seem to care much if it's a beer or liquor or a mixed drink.

I have other chronic pain issues, so im not exactly a lightweight when it comes to pain, but it is so sudden and encompassing, and only happens occasionally so it hits like a truck every single time. I recently had to cut a date short with my husband (the first we'd been on in a while) because I lost the roulette for the first time in a while and it's just very frustrating.

Nobody ever seems to have experienced this or known someome else who has. So while I know this isn't something I've seen you talk about before, do you (or your followers) happen to have any experience with this or know where to point me as to what/why this happens? Google has not been successful for me.

Hmm. Does your head hurt with it too? And do you have any other signs or symptoms of dysautonomia because based on your description that could be ‘coat hanger pain.’

Alcohol is loaded with histamine, so if you have any sort of autonomic disorder (or disorders linked to it like fibro) or mast cell instability (even minor) it could be tanking your blood pressure resulting in this area of pain.

A lot of resources on coat hanger pain talk about it cramping or being dull, but for me, it manifests like a physical weight that smacks me seemingly out of nowhere and then grinds me down with the persistence of it.

The fact that it doesn’t happen every time is also reminiscent of a bit of histamine overload, i.e., Sometimes you’ve already hit your window of tolerance for histamine that day, and the alcohol tips you over, and on days where you’re fine with your histamine load is lower.

I’m not saying for sure that’s what it is, obviously, but what you’re describing is familiar enough I feel it worth mentioning.

[bunny-jpeg]

hiii could i pls get hocus pocus rolls, pumpkin patch brownies and a dead velvet cake with a side of doctor pepper, white claw, pepsi zero and a gummy bear cocktail served by lando?? love ur fics!!

halloween bakery - bakery menu

the halloween menu is available until nov 2nd! so get those orders in during the meantime! thank you to everyone who has submitted, i'm trying to get them done in a timely manner! writing these prompts has allowed me to help manage some of my seasonal depression & chronic pains.

hocus pocus rolls: "next year you're wearing something that covers more." + pumpkin patch brownies: "you should've worn something a little thicker. you're going to catch a cold." + dead velvet cake: "we can't fuck right now. we have to hand out candy!" + doctor pepper: university au + white claw: slutty costumes + pepsi zero: rough sex + gummy bear cocktail: possessive behavior served by lando norris (formula one)!!

tags: smut/pwp, university au, slutty costumes, possessive behavior, rough sex, football (soccer) player!lando, protected sex, missionary style

"it's so cold tonight!" you yelped as you walked with your boyfriend to the house that he lived in with the rest of the football team. even though you were wearing a light jacket, the wind cut through it.

lando had a possessive hand on your lower back as the two of you walked across campus as the sun went down. he pulled at the back of the jacket a little and said, "you should've worn something a little thicker. you're going to catch a cold."

"well, they said it was going to be plus ten, so i thought this would be enough!"

lando remarked, "i think it would've been fine if you didn't wear such a thin costume." he gave your ass a quick squeeze, feeling the cheap material of the outfit under his palm.

lando knew the costume was slutty. how could he not? the jacket you wore couldn't cover up just how much that costume revealed. you were dressed as a cheerleader this year, and while that was a fantasy for lando. he would've preferred if the outfit wasn't being pranced around the house.

he was on the couch during the party. he was dressed in his football uniform and that was his 'costume' with his windbreaker jacket over it. he eyed you up and down as you chatted and drank. you looked cute. adorable even. your charm pulled people in.

there was a knock on the door and you went to answer it. your heels clicked against the hardwood floor but was drowned out by the loud music. lando got up from the couch and was close behind you. when you opened the door to hand out candy to those not invited to the party. he wrapped you up in his jacket.

"lando!" you yelped as the mini chocolate bars fell out of your hand

"next year you're wearing something that covers more." he then pulled you away from the door which caused you to flail as the candy fell from your hands, "you look too good, babe. i think that's enough for their eyes." he said as he hauled you upstairs.

you swore you heard lando's teammate, oscar, laugh over the thump of the music. you whined, "we can't fuck right now. we have to hand out candy!"

when lando got you to the bedrooms upstairs, he wrapped his strong arms around you, "someone else can do it. let the captain or someone else. i don't care. i just need you right now." he said. it was hard to hide an erection in those shorts.

lando's room was nice, but you had little time to admire the photos of you he had pinned to the wall before you were on the bed. you bounced on it as you fell on top of it. your breasts bounced and it only made lando more hungry for you.

"there's my little cheerleader." he said as he cupped his cock in his shorts, "you come to every game with my number across your pretty tits. you wear my last name like its yours." he chuckled before he pulled the jersey top off, "you hoping for a ring after graduation."

you blushed and wanted to push him away, but he pulled you in closer. you giggled when he kissed you, "i think you're buying ring before i can even think about it." you reached down and touched his cock in his shorts before they were pulled off and sent to the ground.

he chuckled before his lips touched your neck, "well, when you're my wife. this little outfit will be for my eyes only. i don't need all of the school to have their eyes on you. hungry like animals." you moaned when his kisses continued.

lando knew how to make you feel good, the kind of toe curling feeling that made it very easy for him to get you out of your costume. at least he didn't tear the thing off of you! his kisses continued as his clothed cock brushed against you. you knew he was painfully erect.

"my angel." he said, "prettiest girl on campus. fuck, you drive me crazy." he groaned a little bit when he eventually got his briefs off and let him rubbed his achy cock against you, "you have no idea how crazy you drive me."

you moaned, "please, lando."

you knew what everyone adored your boyfriend, he was great at what he did on the field and in the classroom. but he only had eyes for you, he yearned for you as his hands trailed up your sides. you were both naked on his bed, not the first time that had happened. but every time you were intimate with your boyfriend it felt special.

"i want you, i want you to badly." he got you onto your back and hiked your hips up against him where you wrapped your legs around his waist. he leaned forward and grabbed a condom from nightstand. you two had to play it safe, you were both still in school.

you replied, "i love you."

"i love you too, fuck, you look too perfect in the costume. i didn't know something could fit you so well." he chuckled as he leaned back a little to get the condom on.

you felt anticipation run through you as you laid out under him. you admired him. his toned body and bright smile. you could make out the pink in his cheeks from the immense pleasure between you two. to be fucking in the quietness of his bedroom while there was a party outside.

"i don't want you to have anyone else." he said as he gave his cock a few strokes to make sure the condom was on there securely. he then loomed over you with his hands at your hips as he sank his cock into you. your toes curled and your back arched at the feeling of him.

you held onto the covers under you, the same covers that you picked out for him. the soft blue that went with the minimal decor of his bedroom.

lando loved you and respected opinions you had, even if it was something simple like a nice bed spread. because at the end of the day, he still got to fuck you against the covers. the bed squeaked a little bit and lando realized that he had to slow his pace down. but where he lacked in speed, he made up in strength. and he roughly fucked you, slowly, making you feel every inch of him as he buried over seven inches inside of your achy cunt.

he needed you just as much as you needed him. he felt like a winner when he played with you in the stands. you watched him put his all into football and you loved him dearly. he never though he'd get that with anyone else. so that was why he was so possessive at times. he didn't want to lose you, you were everything to him.

and you dressed as a slutty cheerleader wasn't soothing the growl in lando's soul as he rutted against you. you were just so beautiful and the words hung on his tongue, but he couldn't say the words as the feeling of pleasure rushed through his body.

"such a pretty girl." he said as he rocked against you. he loved the feeling of your legs around his waist, he thrusted up into you and you felt amazing.

the pace was rough enough that it made the curl of pleasure bloom in your gut. you knew only lando could make you feel this good, make your core throb with want as he fucked you. your noises got a little louder but lando leaned in to kiss you on the lips.

no need to cause a scene at the party tonight. but, lando knew that at the very least oscar knew what you two were up to. you moaned against the kiss and wrapped your arms around him as he worked your body further. you shifted under his grip on you which only spurred him on further to make a mess of your pretty pussy.

"you look so good under me." he said, "no other guy can have you like this. only me." he chuckled a little, his voice tight from the pleasure as he worked his hips against you. you groaned a little louder as you clung to him, "part of me wants them to know, to all know exactly how you make me feel.

his words curled something in you and you felt the jump of lust inside of you. the pleasure coursed through you as the two of you fucked on the bed. your costumes were left discarded to be picked up in the morning. if you left the room before the party was over, you'd be wearing lando's clothes. not that slutty costume.

"please, lando." you whined as the pleasure worked through you. you knew from the first time he made you cum with his fingers and tongue alone that you'd be in for a world of pleasure with your boyfriend by your side.

"i always make you feel good, babe." he said with tenderness in his voice. he continued to fuck you, he grabbed your hips once more and hiked them up further to get a better angle of your sweet cunt.

the pace staggered, and the pace quickened despite the noise. it didn't help that the two of you were getting louder as you approached your climax. he whispered filthy nothings into your ear, about how hot you looked and how good he wanted to make you feel. it allowed the heat to bloom in your core as you felt orgasm wash over you.

you whined and arched you back, before you could get too loud, your ever loving boyfriend kissed you on the lips tightly. he continued to move against you, heavy, rough strokes that left you feeling on cloud nine. he came soon after with a heavy stroke and you both felt amazing.

"shit, babe."

you both laid out on the bed while the thump of the music downstairs reverberated through the bedroom. you both laid in each other's grasp and softly kissed. lando had gotten rid of the condom already and you two just laid under the covers together.

eventually you heard a knock on the door and oscar's voice, "hey, mate. party's wrapping up, i know you're busy with your girlfriend, but we need all the man power can get to get everyone out."

lando looked at you and kissed you on the cheek before he got out of bed to get dressed. before he left the room he said to you, "stay here, and don't put that costume on unless you want to limp back to your dorm tomorrow." and gave you a wink <3

[bad268]

Love your writingg!!

Could you write a oneshot with ollie when reader couldn't make it to a race and she got sick while at home but didnt tell ollie cuz it couldve made him shit the race and he comes back home at takes care of herr??

+hiii!! idk if ure still taking request, but maybe an ollie x reader where she gets her wisdom tooth out and the aftermath is just her being chaotic and funny while ollie just goes with everything.

but yeah, i think it’s pretty cute. thank you!

Boyfriend Of The Year (Ollie Bearman X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/F2/F3

Requested: Clearly (I just did a sick fic, so i decided to incorporate these. Hope yall don't mind <3)

Warnings: Wisdom teeth surgery and recovery

POV: Majority Second Person (You/your), some Third Person (They/them)

W.C. 2301

Summary: A routine dentist appointment turns into a secret to keep Ollie sane.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

Your phone was blowing up with texts from Ollie. He was probably wondering where you were at this point since you promised to be at the qualifying session, but due to a dentist appointment scheduled between the sessions, you had to split up. Ollie and his dad drove together, and you took an uber to your appointment. Well, at that dentist appointment, you found out that your chronic jaw pain was actually your wisdom teeth getting dangerous. They were growing inwards and pressing your teeth, so your dentist strongly encouraged an emergency wisdom teeth removal for the same day. Ollie was going to be pissed and you knew it.

“Hey, CareBear,” You greeted in a fake tone. You were still at the dentist, but you stepped outside to get a little bit of privacy. “What’s up?”

“Don’t ‘Hey CareBear’ me! Where are you? You said you were gonna be here,” Ollie asked. He was finally able to let out a breath after running around the paddock trying to find where you were. When he couldn’t find you, he started asking around, but no one had seen you. Then, he started calling you, and coincidentally, the calls were during your x-rays or consultation, so you were not answering. It was driving him insane. “Are you almost here?” 

“The dentist was short-staffed, so they haven't gotten me in yet,” You came up with on the fly. You knew he would hate that you lied to him, but he would also throw his entire race weekend away for you. Yes, it was adorable and it’s part of what made you love him, but this was not the time to be a loving boyfriend. This was the time to show everyone why he deserved the Haas seat. He could be boyfriend of the year afterward. “I can text you when I’m done, but I need to see them today. You know how bad my jaw has been hurting lately.”

“Oh?” Ollie smirked as he lowered his voice, about to make a joke but his dad walked right past him.

“Don’t even start, Oliver,” You pressed as you saw your dentist gesturing for you to come back in, so they could prepare you for the surgery. “Listen, CareBear, I gotta go. I think they’re ready to take me back. I’ll text your dad to pick me up when we start wrapping up. You need to get back for debrief or start preparing for quali.”

“Yeah, I should probably eat something,” Ollie said to himself as he scratched the back of his neck. He had never had to go into qualifying without you, so he was a bit nervous. However, he totally understood that this was something you needed to do. “I’ll get on pole for you.”

“I expect you in the top 22, nothing less,” You joked as you both said goodbye and hung up the call. You headed back inside as they started giving you the rundown on how the surgery would occur. For once, you were thankful for scheduling your appointment in the morning and not eating beforehand. Just before they would put you under, you decided to call Ollie’s dad. It didn’t take long for him to answer.

“Hey, Y/n,” David greeted immediately as he walked toward the back of the garage, “Need me to pick you up? That was awfully quick.”

“Actually no,” You chuckled nervously. “Don’t tell Ollie until after quali, but I’m getting my wisdom teeth out right now. If we tell him, he’s going to freak out.”

“Was this the plan the whole time?” He asked, quieting down as Ollie walked by nonethewiser. He was finishing up before he would be getting in the car, so he had enough on his plate, in your opinion.

“No, I just found out that the jaw pain I thought was the start of TMJ was actually my wisdom teeth growing inwards,” You explained with a smile as you watched your dentist finish setting everything out. “Listen, David, I’ll need you to pick me up in like an hour. Maybe after qualifying break it to him? Or just let him figure it out when I’m loopy. I really don’t care.”

“I’ll take care of him, don’t worry,” David reassured as he saw Ollie gesturing for him to come over before he would get in the car. “Have them call me when you’re done, and we’ll pick you up.”

You thanked him before ending the call and heading into the back where the operation would take place. 

The qualifying session went by quickly for Ollie because it was basically a one-lap shot. Right after the first laps, it started pouring rain, so when Ollie was at the top of the timing page, no one was able to beat him. He tried to call you as soon as he got out of the car, but every call went straight to voicemail. It freaked him out a little, but he brushed it off, thinking you were still getting your cleaning. It wasn’t until his dad was ushering him to change and get to the car park almost as soon as he wrapped up media that he started thinking something was wrong. Ollie sat nervously in the passenger seat as his dad drove in silence, which was completely unusual for him, so he decided to try and break the tension.

“So, dad,” He dragged out as he looked over at his dad. They pulled up to a red light, and David looked at Ollie. “Where are we going?”

“The dentist,” David said simply as he moved the car into first gear when the light changed. “We need to pick Y/n up.”

“Shouldn’t they have finished up during quali?” Ollie asked before muttering to himself, “I thought they would have been in the garage by the end of media.”

“They had to get some work done,” David responded. It was light-hearted, so Ollie wasn’t too worried. When they pulled up, he parked the car but made no move to get out for a second, causing Ollie to look over confused. “They had to get their wisdom teeth out.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Ollie freaked out, immediately getting out of the car and trying to reach the front door before his dad. Unfortunately for him, his dad anticipated this and beat him to the punch by blocking the door. “Dad, let me in.”

“No, you need to understand why we didn’t tell you,” David pressed as he put a hand on Ollie's shoulder and sheered him back toward the car. “They didn’t want you to be nervous in qualifying. It’s getting to the end of your season, and next year, you’ll be in F1. Everyone’s eyes are on you, and the last thing they wanted was for you to get nervous and risk your position in the championship.”

“That makes no sense! I wouldn’t have thrown the session!” Ollie disputed as he threw his hands up.

“Oh, please,” David tsked, “You almost crashed the car when you found out they had a headache a few months ago. Of course, you wouldn’t completely compromise your qualifying session knowing they were getting surgery. That sounds totally believable to me.” 

“Maybe you have a point,” Ollie mumbled as he dripped his hands to his sides in defeat. He looked back over to his dad as he sighed, “Can we go in now?”

“Are you going to cause a scene?”

“No.”

~

POV Switch-Third POV

All the while, Y/n was just waking up. The team had wrapped up the surgery at the end of qualifying and called David, saying he didn’t need to rush since they still needed to ween Y/n off of the meds and they still needed to pass the memory tests.

Y/n didn’t remember even waking up, but they did semi-register people walking in, around, and out of their room. Most of them were dentists or nurses checking their vitals, but then two people walked in that didn’t look like a dentist or nurse. It was Ollie and David, but Y/n was still too out of it to recognize them (or what they were saying to be honest).

“So they’ll be a little loopy for a while,” one of the dentists said to David, causing him to nod. Ollie had already taken a seat beside you and was holding your hand. The dentist then took David out of the room to talk about how to help clean the wounds and give him a list of foods that Y/n could eat while recovering. Ollie wanted to say something, anything to Y/n but they ended up talking before him.

“Whoever is your significant other is lucky because damn you’re hot,” Y/n chuckled slightly as they fell back against the pillows and smiled sleepily as they looked at him. “They’re like really lucky.”

“Well, you’ll be happy to know that you’re my significant other,” Ollie chuckled with them as he brought their hands up to kiss their knuckles.

“No way!” Y/n said as loud as the gauze in their mouth could allow as their eyes almost fell out of their head. “You’re telling me I bagged you?!”

“You bagged me,” Ollie chuckled in disbelief. He was upset at first that Y/n didn’t tell him sooner, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at them, especially when they said something like that. “If I tell you a word, can you remember it for me?”

“Anything for you, handsome,” Y/n shamelessly flirted as they leaned in a little closer to prop their head against Ollie’s free hand that was resting by their head. 

“The word is ‘pole’,” Ollie said, and Y/n repeated it a couple of times before nodding that they understood it. “Okay, how are you feeling now?”

“I’m feeling tired. I wanna sleep. I wanna eat. I’m hungry. I want someone to tell me what place Ollie is in for the race tomorrow,” Y/n ranted before gasping toward the end, remembering the qualifying session they missed. In the haze, Y/n’s brain never connected that Ollie was sitting in front of them as they went on a rant. “Ollie Bearman is my favorite driver, and I wanna know where he placed. Do you know Ollie?”

“I know of him, yeah,” Ollie said as he bit back a laugh. There was no way he was witnessing this. “I think I know where he placed.”

“Where?” Y/n gasped as they tried to sit up in the bed, but the vitals machine started going off, causing a few personnel to walk in, but Ollie was already pushing them back.

“What was the word from earlier?”

“Pole?” Y/n said confused before it finally connected, “Wait, pole position?”

“Yup, he’s on pole for the feature race,” Ollie smiled at their enthusiasm. “Now, what’s my name?”

“What’s your name? CareBear?”

“Well, yes, but what’s my real name?” 

“Oliver,” Y/n dragged out before the fog cleared enough for them to make the connection. “Wait! Ollie, my CareBear! You’re Ollie!”

“I am,” Ollie chuckled as he leaned over to place a kiss on Y/n’s forehead while the dentists started removing wires and needles from Y/n, so they could leave. Ollie wrapped an arm around their shoulder, knowing Y/n didn’t like needles. He took to whispering reassurance in their ear until they were cleared to leave. Ollie then asked, “You still sleepy?”

Y/n didn’t respond as they were already asleep, so when all of the paperwork was signed, Ollie picked Y/n up to carry them to the car.  The entire ride to the hotel, Y/n was asleep against Ollie’s shoulder until David pulled into the parking spot. That’s when Y/n woke up, stretching their arms above their head.

“I still wanna sleep,” Y/n whined as they leaned back against Ollie. “My legs feel like jelly.”

“I can always carry you again,” Ollie commented already getting out of the car and moving around to help Y/n out. As soon as Y/n stepped out, Ollie’s arm was lifting up their legs to carry them up to their room. Thankfully, David was already leading the way and opening doors for them.

“You’re really working for that Boyfriend Of The Year award, aren't you?” Y/n teased as they plopped their head against Ollie’s shoulder.

“I didn’t know I was in the running,” Ollie joked back as he left a kiss on their nose.

“You’re always in the running,” Y/n pouted before going on another tangent, “Y’know, I’d love to kiss you, but I can’t really feel my lips so I don’t know how that would go.”

“I’ll give you a kiss when you don’t have bloody gauze in your mouth,” Ollie said as he walked up to the door. “Does that sound like a deal?”

“Add some ice cream or smoothies and you’ve got a deal.”

“You can’t drink from a straw, so no smoothies.”

“Buzzkill.”

“Not a buzzkill,” Ollie said simply as he set Y/n down on the bathroom counter, so he could change their gauze. “We’re not risking you getting dry socket.”

“Kissass.”

“How does that make me a kissass?” Ollie chuckled as he helped Y/n down from the counter and to the bed. Ollie fixed the pillows around them to make them comfortable before grabbing an icepack from the freezer. 

“You know the judge of the Boyfriend Of The Year award, and you’re kissing their ass,” Y/n chuckled as they leaned back into the pillows and took the icepacks from Ollie, immediately pressing them against their face. “Let me say, you’re winning.”

“I would hope so,” Ollie retorted, “I should be the only one in the running!”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[seamsterslocal]

summer binder picture tutorial

this is the third binder ive made for myself recently and the first one i’m writing up. it’s designed to do a few things: 1) allow me to put it on by myself without dislocating my shoulders 2) allow me to breathe well enough to partake in normal activity 3) be cool enough to wear throughout a muggy 90-100F summer 4) not constrict my ribs in a way that aggravates my lack of connective tissue and causes intense pain.

this has become necessary even though i had top surgery many years ago, because when i had it i was extremely skinny and since then i’ve increased in size by about 50%. this has been really fucking good for my health in every single way* except that when my chest is squishy or moves at all it’s So Goddamn Triggering for me. but also since ive had top surgery ive developed and/or been made away of a plethora of chronic conditions that make every single commercially available binding option medically impossible. unbound, my chest is pretty much what you’d expect for a chubby cis guy but venturing out into the world in just a tshirt no longer works for me

*anyone who badmouths weight gain or fat bodies in the notes WILL be blocked

under the cut are a bunch of process pictures and explanations of what they all mean:

first i’ll give you a look at the pieces and measurements:

most of the seams are sewn in this picture and one half is turned inside out, allowing you to see both the finished dimensions (right) and the placement of the fusible horsehair canvas that gives this lil scrap of linen any structure at all (left)

to get your chest measurement, you’re gonna have to do some math:

first measure above and below what you want to bind. average these numbers. mine are something like 32 and 34, which average to 33. subtract a few inches--this is to allow the air movement between the laces at center front and back, critical in the summertime. i deleted 3 inches bc i like that number but you can go bigger if you want. the more inches you subtract here, the more youll be able to ratchet all your chest material down later, but at the same time you need to leave enough fabric for a sturdy garment. let’s say a range of 2-6 inches/5-15cm. by taking your measurements this way, you’re essentially measuring the chest you would like to have. that + the horsehair canvas work together to compress any squishy tissue/force anything that doesnt compress up and to the outside (basically into the armpit/lower shoulder--the chest might stick out but it will give a very puffed chest captain america pectoral silhouette)

you can also see how ive clipped my curves and pre-drilled my lacing holes. i used the marlin spike on my knife to open up the holes on the interfacing side, mainly as a way of marking them. this worked well bc the interfacing’s glue kept the linen from raveling

this is the same stage but looking at the non-interfaced grey linen/cotton blend (the black is some 100% linen from my cabbage stash). you can see ive broken the solar-plexus-to-back measurement up into a bunch of pieces to save on fabric but that’s not necessary. my original pattern was just two pieces (front and back) and chopping the straps into thirds on both sides was aesthetic

in the following picture you can really see how this is really just overgrown regency stays:

i thought about doing side lacing but didn’t think that would be comfortable for me. on the front, the side seam allowance was pressed inwards before turning to create a finished looking slot. on the back the side seam is left unfinished with an extra wide seam allowance, and is inserted into that slot.

here’s a closeup on it pinned in place (you can adjust the angle of the side seam and the fit during this pinning stage):

that side seam was just topstitched in place once i had the fit how i liked it, and the armhole was reinforced with more topstitching

alright, time for eyelets: first, you can see how well the marking worked:

next, two rows of basted eyelets (left), one row of eyelets sewn with a doubled and waxed cotton thread (center right), and one row of eyelets opened and stainless steel rings placed (right).

next time i’m going to mark the eyelets same as i did above, but do this step differently--i’ll mark and baste the steel rings in place BEFORE widening the eyelets. this is bc i had a lot of problems keeping the eyelets on center

eyelets half done on this one! on the left are eyelets sewn with doubled and waxed cotton thread and on the right eyelets sewn with quadrupled and waxed thread. the center is basting again. i was able to force the holes back in line while sewing the eyelets but it was kinda annoying. adding a second picture that doesnt have great focus but hopefully shows how that process worked and shows the spike clearly

i ended up using this white cotton thread because it’s stronger than my black cotton thread (which the rest of it is sewn with). [eta: after this was first posted, i pressed the whole thing heavily, which effectively de-waxed the thread, and i dyed the whole thing a medium charcoal grey, the thread blends in perfectly on the lighter side and isn’t such a sore thumb on the darker side]

bonus: the piecing layout for that little piece of strap. the whole light gray half of the binder was made from 1/2 of one of the legs i cut off some linen suit pants to make slutty camping shorts last year and i really really didn’t want to break into any of the other three halves for this garment--i have Plans for it

overall the fit of this is incredible. it DOESNT hurt my ribs which every zip-up garment ive been able to find (and it is difficult) does due to really thick elastic at the base. it doesnt aggravate my sensory issues with the synthetic fibers that every commercial option is made of. i can walk up a hill or stairs, or go to pt, without getting too out of breath. i can eat with it tight, or loosen the front easily and without taking it off to make eating easier and less nausea-inducing. it is reversible!

best of all the lacing at the back gives the garment enough movement for me to get it on without dislocating, and the interfacing and steel rings give it structure once it’s on. the shaping comes only from fusible horsehair linen canvas and stainless steel rings like youd use for chainmail, there’s no boning at all, which makes it very quick to sew (except the eyelets, but metal grommets would be sturdy and quick provided theyre of good quality)

there’s a small amount of gaping on the outside of the shoulder strap, which i plan on fixing with a tiny tiny dart in the armpit, i want to add pockets to tuck the laces into, and i need a better lace for the back, but it’s completely wearable in time for the 90 weather next week which is all i wanted. i’ll do a reblog when it’s perfectly finished with an update on the fit but for now it is done enough 

the little ridge where it doesnt lay flat against the shoulder is most visible with just a single t shirt over it. with a flannel or a sweater, it disappears, and by itself, it’s hidden in movement

eta: after dyeing this, i relaced it a bit looser in the back and that gape mainly disappeared. ive decided to leave it in instead of smoothing it with a dart because the loose fabric gives space for my chest to expand when breathing and shapes my silhouette in a way that emphasizes my shoulders

[inkdrinkerworld]

hello!! i saw you were asking for more spencer x sunshine!reader requests and here i am!!

do you think you could do something where reader has chronic pain in her hips and walks with a limp most of the time, but once it gets super super cold it starts to hurt more so she has to use a cane..? it’s getting colder where i live so i’ve slowly had to start using my cane, but i always get embarrassed/insecure about using it in public so some days i go without and then immediately regret it!! haha

of course you don’t have to write this is you don’t want to!! i’m sure i have tons of other ideas up in my noggin haha. love you and take great care of yourself!! xxx

I hope you like this, I googled some aids for the pain so hopefully this is good and if there’s anything that’s wrong please please let me know

The groundhog lied, it’s snowing when it’s supposed to be sunny.

You should’ve known you would’ve been in pain all day when the night before when your hip started locking more and more.

Still, you dress for the weather and put on a pair of thermal tights under your navy dress suit. You can’t be bothered with pants.

You stare at your cane as you reach your front door, biting your lip as you deliberate.

On one hand, you could take it and ease the pain off your hip, or you could leave it and save the embarrassment you feel for needing it so young.

In a split second you make your decision, limping out the door without it.

You regret your decision to also wear kitten heels when you hobble into the bullpen, Spencer’s eyes immediately catching the uneven drift in your walk. He notices your easy outfit too, a pleated blue skirt with a breathable blue top to match, no blazer today.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, crossing his desk and making his way over to you but you wave him off.

Spencer ignores that completely and reaches you in seconds, eyes assessing what you refuse to say.

“Spencer I’m fine, I just slept wrong.” It’s obvious he doesn’t believe you when he cocks an eyebrow. Spencer’s already noticed a slight lean to your walk, your very obvious limp and the way that your smile seems to border grimace.

His hands reach for hips as he closes the little gap between you.

“Oh aren’t you forward,” you smile through your words but Spencer knows there’s something different to your tone.

“Would you shush? It’s more swollen than it should be if you slept wrong.”

His brown eyes pin you and make it hard to lie to him as you stare him down. You want to ask how he knows it’s your hip, but he’s got a big, genius brain, it really was silly to think you could hide it from him.

“Spence, it’s okay.” You say, twisting out of his hands and hissing when you do so, your hip cracking at the motion. Tears prick your eyes.

“You’re a terrible liar, come sit down.” He leads you to his chair, hands gentle as they touch your lower back and hip. “What’s going on with your hip, darling?”

You blame the way you just instantly open up about what you term your worst feature, to the fact that he’s dropped a pet name like that so casually.

“I suffer with my hip, flare ups mostly during winter and it’s chronic. I have a cane but it’s embarrassing to need one so young so I don’t use it and it hurts more but at least I have my independence.”

Spencer shakes his head, touching your cheek. “I know that’s how you feel, but if it’s cracking like this you at least need a balm if you don’t want the cane. Or I could get you compression pants for it.”

You scrunch your nose at the emotion suddenly building in your throat, “I do have a balm but the smell is too strong. Doesn’t go with my perfume.”

Spencer laughs, fully shaking his head at you. He thinks for someone so happy all the time, you shouldn’t worry half as much as you do. Certainly not about if your medicated balm will go with your perfume.

“Come with me,” he says, taking your bag from you and setting it on his shoulder.

“Where are we going? Mid morning pick me up? Rendezvous in the bathroom stall?” Your eyebrows dance and Spencer shakes his head, maneuvering his body so you’re leaning on him more than walking on your own.

“No, we’re going to the bathroom so you can apply more balm and then I’m going to your place to get your cane.”

You stop walking, heels cutting off with an abruptness, that if Spencer hadn’t been anticipating it you would’ve fallen from his grip.

“No Spence, it’s fine. I’m used to it.” He starts walking again, bringing you with him to the bathroom and sitting you on the sink’s edge.

“I know you are,” he rifles through your bag, grinning when he finds the tube of medicated balm. “But humor me for a moment and say it’s a little worse than usual, so you need it?”

You huff, “Can’t I just use the compression stuff?”

Spencer looks up, surprise lighting his eyes but a knowing, almost smug smile plays on his lips.

“Yeah?” He does a wicked evil thing by stroking the tops of your thighs and tilting his head just a little so some of his curls fall in his face.

“Spencer,” you push at his chest, grumbling when he laughs. He holds your palm to his chest, “I can do this part myself.”

“Promise you’ll actually apply the rub? I need to go out to get the compression pants.”

You shake your head, “I’ll get one after work Spence, the balm is enough.”

He doesn’t listen to you, “Apply the balm, I’ll be twenty minutes.”

You’re one hundred percent sure he takes Anderson with him to drive the SUV and is back in twenty minutes with two different pairs of compression pants, pain relievers and muscle relaxants.

[lastoneout]

I don't really know exactly why I'm posting this, I guess I just want to share my joy, but y'all...the nerve block worked. My migraine went down a little over the night so I was only at like a 1.5-2 but I swear to god the second they were done EVERY SINGLE PART of my head stopped hurting. The only pain I'm feeling rn is at the injection site and a smidge in my jaw, but that's not a huge deal bcs I know the steroids take a long time to do their thing and I usually have pain around the injection site when they do this in my back, plus I did already suspect something like 10% of my migraines aren't entirely due to my neck, but like...it worked. It fucking worked.

I've been living with chronic migraines my entire life, and in the last five years, they've gotten so bad that I can't work and have to cancel streams and hangouts with friends all the time. I have migraines more days than I don't and I've never been able to find out what my trigger is aside from not sleeping well and eating lays potato chips(rip I miss them so much) or gluten or being on my period?? and on some days I'm in so much pain I can't even feed myself or shower. 8-10 is the norm, they don't go lower on their own, they NEVER go away on their own, no matter how much time I spend lying in bed in the dark with icepacks on my face. My migraine rescue meds don't always work, or they work for a day and then it comes back, and I seem to be fucking Immune(tm) to Excedrin and ibuprofen. All that together has legit been ruining my entire life.

And I am not even a little ashamed to admit that once they were done and asked how I felt I broke down sobbing in the exam room because it WORKED. Instantly. Years of pain and agony and no help from my doctors, of blaming a medical condition that treatment hasn't fixed, telling me to limit screen time and lose weight, forcing me to try 50 different medications none of which help, of spending long nights in the ER hoping they can fix me even though it's typically a 50/50 chance....and now it's over. I don't have to do that anymore. They fixed it. They fixed it.

I'm crying right now as I write this. I never thought this was possible. Like I believed that it was my neck and my doctors agreed, but I was so worried that this would all be for nothing, I didn't think it would work, I know most disabled people dream of finding the One Thing that's causing all their problems even though most of us never do, but I guess luck decided to smile on me this day, this is what's causing my problems and it's treatable. It's over. I found the path out of this hell and it was the right one. I don't even know what to do, what to say. I'm so happy I can't even be happy, all I can do is cry because the hardest part is over.

There's still work to be done, but the path is clear. And honestly @ any gods that are listening, please grant this to my fellow disabled people. They deserve to feel this, we all do.

[mydearneteyam]

Hi! I was wondering if you’re still taking requests if so i was wondering if you could do a oneshot of so’lek x na’vi fem reader who is a warrior but is told not fight by medics and even so’lek at the resistance since she has chronic back pain but downplays it and acts as if it doesn’t affect her.

Like for example she goes on her own to fight rda despite what the medics say and comes back limping around as if nothing happened

I hope you understood that and sorry if its too long. I wanted to request this cuz i really like your writing so id really appreciate you if you make it, if you dont its totally fine.

A WARRIOR WHO CAN'T FIGHT ;; SO'LEK

summary ;; a warrior's stubborn behavior may change over time. or maybe not.

pairings ;; so'lek x fem!na'vi!reader

warnings ;; mentions of war, body pain, insecurities.

word count ;; 2.3k

word of the day ;; nawkx [nawk’] n. bone helm rhino

You cut the rope with your teeth, spit some of it out as you finished knotting and securing the basket you had accidentally broken earlier. You knew you were taking your time, but if you wanted your lie to stand, you had to try your best.

You stretched your body forward a bit more, almost crashing your chest into the ground to finish tidying everything up and gave a sharp inhale to stand up, feeling the sharp pain spread through your lower back, as it always did every time you had a sudden movement.

"And now…" with your foot, you lifted the fruits into the air so the basket could pick them up and once you were ready, you turned your attention to the path you'd had memorized forever. You were coming that way, you were going back that way. "On your way" you spoke to yourself, smiling.

Yes, there was a little blood on your clothes, but it wasn't yours, so your concern was minimal. You didn't abandon your big smile, even when, upon arriving at the headquarters, some humans already seemed to be waiting for you outside, with grimaces of obvious annoyance.

"You know what we told you! Are you even listening to us now?" one of them asked, but you swung your leg over his head, humming one of your clan's songs, disinterested. The tingling was present again, but as you threw your trunk forward, it stopped after a few seconds.

"Mother who brings us honor and life…" you continued to sing, putting the food aside and obviously ignoring the doctors at your back. Ha, funny. "Guiding our hearts through every strife..."

"It's not funny!" shouted your name this time one of the girls. "Do you think your life is just a game? You said you were going fruit picking and look at you!"

You analyzed yourself from head to toe, cocking your head to the side.

"Yes… and I brought fruit." You showed the basket, crammed with several, brightly colored and some not so much. "Finding a campsite a couple of minutes away wasn't something I expected either, but hey…" you laughed, tousling her hair. "That's on you guys for not letting me know it was so close. Maybe if you had told me, I would have given more thought to…going and helping out at all" even though you said those words, it was a lie. And you knew it. Everyone knew it.

Please, a Na'vi who would not want to go and put her life in danger knowing that her condition was thanks to the humans still in the land where she was born? It was impossible, you smiled, running your tongue over your teeth and pausing on your canines, with visible annoyance.

"You know you're not allowed to leave, everyone here has told you that. Even the warriors" she continued speaking, with concern and weariness in her voice. You had identified it for quite some time.

"I'm glad you have a good memory." you commented, pulling out a fruit and leaving your now arrowless bow in a corner. Although you looked at it from time to time, last time, they tried to hide it. "But I'm also sure you remember… that I'm an adult and I do what I do because I have to help my people…" your voice, as always, although understanding, was mocking. Maybe because the people who now cared for you annoyed you a little, always on you, as if they were your parents, as if it wasn't their own kind's fault that you had problems that now wouldn't allow you to fight.

"That's enough" you saw So'lek, just coming out of healings. You laughed a little to yourself, of course, just what you needed. Send the best warrior to talk to his own race. You ate some fruit, walking away from the place, grabbing your bow again and hissed at the pain in your back that bending over just a bit generated.

"Yeah, I think that was enough time off" you spoke between grunts. So'lek's scent reminded you of what you couldn't be and being in the same space as him complicated you. You didn't hate him, but you envied his state. Healthy, free, not needing humans to follow him wherever he went because his back worked perfectly fine.

Everything you couldn't be.

...

"How are you feeling?" asked Dr. Alma, looking at you passively. You scoffed, but shrugged, not responding. "Anything new to add?" you denied. "Everything as usual?"

"As usual" you concluded, trying to stand up, but the wires attached to you stopped you, you only managed to move the machines with you and the woman's hand rested on your shoulders, seeking to reassure you.

"Okay, I understand that this situation is not to your liking, but it's the only way you can get back to being better. That's what you're looking for, isn't it? To go and fight? To go back to being a hunter? A warrior?" she sounded almost sweetly, as if it wasn't something that was repeated to you every day. You sighed, taking the wires off in one fell swoop, tossing them aside and groaned as you stood up from the gurney, this time taking a couple of steps away from her.

"Be somebody, Dr. I want to be somebody again" you clarified, feeling the obvious annoyance in your body. Whenever you had revisions, something always told you to get out of there, the discomfort, your intuition, your instincts. You didn't belong in a place full of numbers you didn't understand or complex words only understood between humans or puppets.

Walking through the halls, you couldn't help but feel that the stares were heavier than ever. More than every day. You were a warrior, they must have been afraid of you! Why were they looking at you with pity?

As you left that space, that steel cage, you felt the scent of nature, the flowers growing around you, the animals talking to each other, communicating with life.

You noticed a small fire on one side. So'lek was there, checking his songcord. He seemed alone. You sharpened your eyes, wondering if it would be a good idea to approach him.

Whenever you saw him, you thought about how different they were. He was a full-fledged warrior, the humans respected him enough not to talk to him too much and many of the na'vi warriors from other clans who came recognized him for what he was, a brave companion and brother who sacrificed day and night for mother earth, for his people, for all the fallen, for each of you. You could take months counting day by day all those he had saved, throwing himself into danger. Even there you were, several times he had done his best to save you from the humans. When your arrows ran out, when your back pain was the most unbearable and left you helpless.

It was him. And that pissed you off. Because you always owed your life for him, but you could never save him. Because you couldn't. Your body couldn't afford something so extreme. As if it were ceramic, as if it were glass. Like an article of clothing that could easily be cut or snagged on a branch. That's why it was best to keep it tucked away, hidden from anyone who could hurt it.

"I see you, So'lek" you greeted, extending your hand towards him and he, with a calm look, nodded, closing his eyes.

"I see you."

You sat down next to him, getting into a specific position that could avoid the sharp pain in your lower back, almost reaching your thighs. You hissed, settling in.

"I see the pains are still present. The humans have not been able to help you?" he asked politely. You denied, squeezing your eyes shut a little and no longer feeling anything, you gave a sigh.

"Not really. I don't think they can do anything for me." you admitted, watching the wood burn for a few seconds. On the other side, So'lek was still looking at you, in a way you couldn't quite identify. You didn't want to believe it was pity. He should see you as an equal, shouldn't he?

"In the morning… Why did you go to the camp?" you watched him settle in and could almost feel scolded. "You could have hurt yourself on the way there and you don't have weapons like theirs. It was stupid. Impulsive."

"Because I'm stupid… and impulsive. Like a Bone Helm Rhino" you smiled at the last. They tended to call you that. You were stubborn, too stubborn not to accept that going and shooting humans was suicide for you.

"Yes, I think I see the similarity" he nodded and you looked at him. He mimicked your action and you looked down, not out of embarrassment, but out of discomfort. You weren't used to being close to him and a conversation couldn't lead you to that. "A warrior who can't fight… almost like a fable of our people…" he commented and you looked at him again. This time, you didn't look away.

"I don't like that title. I prefer something more ostentatious, like 'wounded warrior who follows to the death'" you tried to take the weight off your troubles, but you saw him settle back, cocking his head to one side.

"Bone Helm Rhino it is, then."

"A good title…if I knew how to wear it right."

"'Foolish inflexibility and unyielding determination are two sides of the same coin, Warrior" he commented, slowly getting to his feet, handing you some arrows. "You choose what you want to prove. Take a chance, but be wise with your decisions. Do not allow yourself to die. Your people… we are waiting for you at the end of the day."

You preferred to believe that the warmth spreading through your body was because of the campfire and not because his words were something that made you feel good. And for the first time in a long time, a feeling passed over the tingling that spread from your back down. Peace.

You looked at the arrows in your hands and settled back, hugging your legs. The bonfire would be extinguished before long, but you decided to stay outside a while longer.

" Unyielding determination…" you whispered to yourself. The only witnesses to that were the night and the small insects flying around. "Yeah, I guess that doesn't suit me" you laughed a little, for every chuckle, a little strum in your lower back pulled the muscles around it.

"Not even a little bit".

...

"You're doing good. Now, raise your arm a little more" you felt his hand tilt your elbow up and took a couple of breaths to keep from thinking about the pain. "How do you feel?"

"Like my insides are going to explode, thanks for asking" you spoke in a slightly higher pitched tone of voice and saw the opposite nod.

"Yes, I was told you might feel that way" you knew he wouldn't do it in front of you, but you noticed how he held back a small smile and you raised an eyebrow, grimacing "Eyes front. Both eyes open. You know where you need to aim" he indicated and you nodded. "Good. Shoot" you slowly released your breath and pulled the trigger.

"Perfect. You didn't hit the target. I didn't expect you to" he took the gun for you though. "The Kame'tire Clan's meds are just trying to take effect on you after all."

"So this was all just to make fun of me?" you asked, still in a bit of pain, but slowly dissipating. You denied, emptying the magazines.

"For testing. See if you could handle the gun and its weight. At least this way you can be more protected if you keep sneaking off to RDA camps" he commented nonchalantly and you got a little self-conscious.

"You don't mind if I go?"

"It's not a question of whether I care or not. It's about your safety. As long as you're secure and alive, I think I have worse things to worry about" he admitted. You smiled a little and before he left - because these 'classes' were brief because of his missions - you took his wrist.

"Thank you, So'lek. For… making me feel like someone again."

He hesitated a bit to respond. Avoiding looking you in the eye.

"You've always been someone. The only one who thinks differently is you, Nawkx" he nodded slightly and you let go. "But I'm glad I brought you back to a good view of yourself."

You smiled to yourself and cocked your head to one side, watching him leave. This time, there was no campfire to evade your thoughts about him.

But it didn't bother you at all to deny it.

"Thinking of something?" you looked to the side of you, So'lek arranged one of the feathers dangling from your hair. You shook your head, smiling as you set the basket full of fruit down in the center of the table. "I hope you didn't go to fight humans again?" you feigned indignation, with a chuckle.

"Me? Fighting humans? How dare you…" you cut the root of one of the fruits with the blade "After all, there are almost none."

"Exactly, almost. You always manage to find them." he reminded you and you rolled your eyes, turning to hug him. "Don't think it'll work like the old days… I can smell your lies."

"Oh, silly me, thinking I could outwit my mate with a show of affection so I could go fight like the warrior I used to be" you faked your voice, throwing your head back and reaching past your back, So'lek's strong arms held you.

"The warrior who couldn't fight and did it anyway. A good tale to tell."

"Just telling. Living it is a bit boring" you snuggled into the space between his neck, purring a little. A dry chuckle came from his throat and he nodded.

"I can imagine, Ma Nawkx."

a/n ;; it took me forever!!! i'm really sorry if it wasn't exactly how it was asked and sorry if it wasn't to your liking! i hope that in the future you'll still like to ask for another request! honestly i like how it kinda turned because i struggled at first how to write it 😔😔 i was listening to 'harpy hare' by yaelokre while writing this btw anyways, i love y'all ¡!

[lxvi-gloria]

Drabble Prompt: Post-canon Levi, struggling with chronic pain and mourning his dead loved ones, being visited by his still alive loved ones

Anon, you knew how to talk pretty to me <3

hihi requests are still open btw

I feel like I gotta put a disclaimer or something lmao. So, the length of my drabble requests is usually something between 100-400 words. This request is just an incredibly unexpected exception. it just happened to fit into this idea I already had been thinking of, which was how the remaining 104th would ask Levi to be part of important events in their lives because well, they like the dude lmao, so expect that sort of one-shot soon. Additionally, since I kept reminding myself that this was supposed to be a drabble, I might have glossed over the chronic pain and mourning bits so I'm sorry about that ;;

that being said, 2.4k words of Levi and Gabi be upon ye <3

Now on Ao3!

The angry hissing of the kettle makes him flinch. It brings a loud ringing to his right ear. Instinctively, he places his right hand over it, and gives his ear a couple of gentle taps; it's more of a grounding gesture, a distraction from the buzzing. He usually keeps watch over the kettle, so that he can lower the heat just right before it gets a chance to scream at him. 

He realises then that he must have spaced out while waiting. It’s alright, he thinks. It’s been like that a lot, recently. He’s been like that. Lost in thought-- lost in time, if he allowed himself to be precise. The last days, weeks even, as the temperatures started to drop, blended into each other. There’s a little calendar on his bedside table, it had been a birthday gift from Armin – or had that been Mikasa’s? He isn’t sure, he had received an absurd number of presents from the kids last year, it had been hard to keep track of who gave him what and now the fact escaped him. Turning the pages of the little calendar, with its delicate botanical illustrations on each day, quickly became part of his morning routine, and so he was sure that time was passing at all. The stillness of the routine, he guesses, made him like this.

His vision blurs momentarily while he scoops the tea leaves into the teapot. He squints, trying to will his good eye to focus, but all he gets in return is a throb in his right eye. After putting the tea canister away, he presses the inner sides of his wrists to both eyes, placing just enough pressure to relieve the discomfort. When he opens his eyes again, he is pleased to find he can read the small print on the canister an arm’s length away. 

There’s a loud slam coming from the front of the house, followed by footsteps coming further into the house.

He quickly recognizes the heavy stomping as Gabi’s gait. She’s always been so loud.

Gabi crosses the arch into the small kitchen and dining area. 

“Don’t slam my doors,” he says as a greeting, slowly turning his head to his left side, trying to catch a glimpse of her in his periphery.

“Aye, aye,” the kid waves her hand, shoots him a teasing grin, “someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Levi hums in response but doesn’t say anything else. He busies himself with placing everything they need for their morning tea and coffee on a metal tray on the counter, which Gabi takes from him as soon as it’s ready and sets it on the table.

He grabs his cane from where he had hooked it on one of the kitchen drawers. He has been leaning against the counter, his right leg supporting most of his weight all this time. He braces himself for the sharp pain that will surely surge from his bad knee, through his left hip and up his spine. Cold mornings like this one and being still in one place for long will do that to him. It’s not so bad. It could be worse.

It takes 4 steps to get from the stove to his chair, which Gabi has already pulled out for him. It sits at an angle that allows him to easily slide down on it and rest his right elbow on top of the table, leaning back and against his good side.

“I have something that will cheer you up,” she holds a couple of envelopes in her hand and waves them at him, “You’ve got mail!”

He nods at her in acknowledgement but does not take his attention away from preparing his first batch of tea of the day. There’s a ritual to it, it almost feels like, and he doesn’t want to mess it up. Not when the ringing in his ear is still there, the building pressure in the upper back part of his eyeballs, and the cold air seeping into his bones through his thick jumper. Oh, how he needs a good cup of tea right now.

While Levi waits for it to steep, he grabs the papers that she had shoved in his face, squints his eyes at the first envelope and finds that he is unable to make out much of the handwriting. He brings it closer to his face, squints harder, steals a quick glance across the table and hopes Gabi isn’t paying him any mind, too preoccupied with choosing from the bag of pastries she brought with her. It is with an impassive expression that he hands the stack of envelopes back. 

“Read it for me.” A beat and then he adds, a little reluctant: “Please.”

He knows Gabi prefers coffee in the mornings, and black tea in the evenings, so he makes sure to have a fresh brew of the former whenever he knows she’s coming over; so, with shaky hands, Levi gets to prepare her cup of coffee. While he enjoys the aroma of it, he remains faithful to tea; at first, he thought he didn’t like it because he had butchered his first attempts at brewing it. But even after Onyankopon had taught him how to do it properly and he had enjoyed his cup, it didn’t bring the same comfort as tea. It just never hit the spot.

She shoots him a mischievous grin, “Oh, you sure? What if I read something personal, hm?” 

Levi just shakes his head, scoffing at the idea of Gabi finding his junk mail fascinating.

“Is this how I find out you have a secret lover you’re exchanging raunchy love letters with?” Gabi teases, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

He lets out a tired sigh and rolls his eyes, “just wanna be done with it, ” he stirs the milk into Gabi’s coffee, which now has turned into a cup of milk with coffee. “We have a lot to prepare for tonight.”

She clicks her tongue at him, but still rips the first envelope open, “Mr. Levi, your reading won’t improve if you keep doing that,” she jokingly scolds him.

Although Levi mentally recognises handing her and Falco stuff he couldn’t be bothered reading before, that’s not the case this time. He’ll let her think that for now, though, because he doesn’t want to mention the pressure building in the back of his bad eye, it’s not important and she, a kid, doesn’t need to know his newly found ailment of the week. He can see just fine around him right now. He can see Gabi’s big eyes and playful smile at the other side of the table, and that’s good enough; smaller details, he doesn’t feel he can do them, not without making himself go dizzy with a migraine.

Levi slides the cup of coffee to her and is pleased with himself when she approves of the colour of her drink.

“It’s from Armin,” she announces as she scans the letter. 

From this angle, the soft morning light illuminating her face and thanks to his faulty vision, Gabi’s image stirs his memory. His heart faintly constricts as he is reminded of the many times Hange read their research reports to him during breakfast in the mess hall before presenting them to Erwin. Levi always wondered how they could read so fast, sometimes he even doubted they were actually reading at all, their words barely being able to catch up with her eyes; he never asked about it, maybe reading came easy to them as numbers did to him.

A high-pitched squeal from Gabi startles him, bringing him back to the here and now.

“Oh… ohh, Mr. Levi,” she starts, her smile widening by the second “This is good news!”

Gabi makes a show of clearing her throat and then starts reading “Dear Captain, I hope this letter finds you well and in good health.” 

Levi can’t help but let a sardonic huff at the irony of the greetings but doesn’t let himself be bothered by it. He has written only a handful of personal letters throughout his life, and by now he knows it’s just something you’re supposed to say because jumping straight to the point isn’t acceptable, or so that’s what he had been told. 

Gabi continues reading Armin’s words to him. For the most part, it’s a standard letter coming from him: he asks Levi how he’s dealing with the changing of the seasons, how Gabi and Falco are faring, if business at the tea shop has been good, if there’s anything Levi needs that he can’t get in town so that Armin or the others can get it for him. He tells him a little about the country he’s writing from, he even includes a photograph. Then, after the expected pleasantries, Gabi can barely hold her excitement and starts reading faster, trying so hard not to trip over her words.

“If I’m being sincere, we would prefer to ask you in person,” Gabi stops for a second to look up at him from the paper, gauging for a reaction and finding nothing, she continues. 

Armin apologises for not being able to visit him before the holidays, Annie included, and so it is implied that he won’t be attending tonight’s reunion. 

Sometime during the last five years, the Alliance brats had decided to make showing up at Levi’s doorstep together once a year a sort of custom; the first time it happened was during an early winter, a blizzard had stopped them from leaving Levi’s until the next morning. It had been a really nice evening despite the awful weather, Levi remembers, after everyone pitched in one way or another, they all shared a simple but hearty meal together. It was Connie who jokingly said they should do it every year. The following year, Onyankopon, Gabi and Falco joined them. 

This year would be their fourth, and the first someone wouldn’t make it. That fact sits heavily in Levi’s chest, stealing the spotlight from his throbbing eye.

“...Annie and I have decided to get married. The both of us would like you to officiate our ceremony!” unable to contain her excitement, she tears her eyes away from the paper and looks at Levi. “Huh?! This is good news! What’s with the constipated face?!”

That doesn’t sound right. It figures that Annie and Armin would be the first to marry; in a way, he is happy for them, they clearly care for each other. No, that part is easy to understand. Their union is logical to anyone who knows the couple. What Levi can’t figure out is why they are asking him such a thing.

He clears his throat, assumes it’s been 3 minutes and his tea is ready to be poured and so he distracts himself with that.

When he doesn’t answer Gabi, she picks up where she left off. 

He isn’t… well, he isn’t that close to either of them. He’s sure Annie must have other relatives that could step in his stead. Maybe a brother, a cousin. Even Jean or Reiner would be better options than Levi. He isn’t good with words or people like they are, he couldn’t possibly give them a speech about something foreign to him as it is that kind of love, that’s what people expect, right? His title of Captain is obsolete in this new world, so it can’t be that either. Hell, he has never been to a fucking wedding. 

Just… why him?

As expected, Armin doesn’t really go into the details of their choice but does let Levi know they do not expect a fast answer and that they do not want him to feel pressured to accept it, despite how much it would mean to them if he did. Armin asks if there’s anything in particular that he would like for his birthday, as it is a month away, and closes the letter by saying he looks forward to seeing him and everyone then.

When the letter is closed and put back into its envelope, silence falls around them. For a moment the only sound that can be heard is the clinking of tableware as Levi places the teacup back on its saucer.

It bothers him, that he knows he will be letting Armin down by refusing something that any other well-adapted person would consider an honour. But the thought of embarrassing him and himself, because he gave an awkward, most likely insensitive, speech, mortifies him. No, he can’t put them and their guests through that. He will find a way to make it up to the couple, maybe he can… he doesn’t know yet, but he will come up with something.

As he finishes his first cup, Levi realises that at some point while he was lost in thought, the ringing in his ear has subsided and now it’s back to that muffled, cotton-in-ear sensation he’s used to and he doesn’t feel his eyeball pulsating anymore. Glancing at Gabi, he notices she is trying really hard not to say something, her brow furrowed as she takes a sip of her own drink, followed by a big bite of her pastry. Flakes stick to the corner of her mouth and for once it doesn’t disgust him. Instead, it makes his lips twitch as if going into a smile.

“I can help you... if you want,” she says eventually, sounding uncharacteristically careful and small of her.

Levi quirks an eyebrow “Help? with what?” 

She shrugs, “How to… tell them you don’t want to,” she avoids looking at him for the first time, finding the flakes on her plate more interesting. She shrugs again and tilts her head to the side, a thin line of a smile appearing on her face. “...or prepare for the ceremony.”

Not unlike many times before, Gabi’s words render him speechless, if only for a moment. He spares his tea a glance and he thinks: it’s bold of her to be so upfront about offering her help to him, and had it been any other morning, one where he couldn’t think past the constant ache in his body, he would’ve chewed her head off for simply trying to help him because he himself doesn’t know how to accept that kindness.

This kid is trying her best and he can’t help but feel somewhat proud of that.

“You have shit on your face. Here,” he points to where the flakes would sit on his own face and picks his refilled teacup back up.

Gabi quickly wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, getting most of the flakes off. Levi gives her a thumbs-up with his free hand.

“I’ll think about it,” he finally concedes and tries to ignore the little happy dance she does in her seat.

This time, when the amber liquid touches his lips, it’s remarkably sweeter than before.

[stealingyourbones]

Hey Bones, I saw your thing about a Bat family member becoming a ghost and it reminded me of a very heart breaking au a friend and I came up with a while back that I don't remember if I submitted or not. Either way, be prepared to have your heart broken.

Tim is dead. He's been dead for a while actually. But No one seems to have noticed. He looks and feels just as solid as he did before he died, even if he's got a lower body temperature and doesn't seem to get hurt on patrol beyond bumps and bruises. Never anything that would land him in med Bay, never anything that would make his family check on him.

No one has noticed the way he doesn't eat anymore, or the fact he doesn't sleep. He's extended his patrol hours and cut back on time at Wayne Enterprises. He's pretty sure not even Alfred noticed. He knows the Kryptonians aren't worried about him not having a heart beat and they have no reason to tell anyone. They know he has a special device that can hide him from their senses and tests it on Kon a lot to make him focus on spacial awareness beyond his hearing. He used it a lot before he died. They just think he hasn't turned it off in a while.

Tim remembers how he died. Not fully, but there are pieces. He remembers he was fighting someone on a bridge and he didn't call for back up because he thought he could handle it. He doesn't remember who he thought he could handle. He remembers something stinging his arm. A bug? No a bug couldn't bite through Kevlar, it was a needle. Then everything started going dark and he was stumbling back. His back hit something hard and he tiped over it. He thought he could land on the other side. He remembers wondering why his suit felt so damp and heavy as the world went black around him.

Tim's body is still at the bottom of the bay where it will likely stay forever with so, so many other bodies. It makes Tim wonder, why him? Why not everyone else who ended up down there? Why not everyone who has died in Gothem? Did he come back like Jason did, is it something to do with being a vigilante? Tim checks his own pulse again while he's alone. Yep. Still dead. He continues on his patrol and tries to shove those thoughts away.

So what if Tim's dead? He's still here and he still has work to do. His family is full of detectives. If they can't figure out that something as important as death has happened to one of their own? Well then Tim thinks they need to pay more attention. He ignores the pain that curls in the back of his mind at that thought.

It's been 6 months. Why hasn't anyone noticed? Tim can't help but wonder if they ever will.

Howdy its me @bonebrokebuddy answering. I'm Twone's (twin bones) twin who is helping answer asks because this fucker has like, over 100 of them in her ask box and I help her with making prompt ideas frequently so she trusts me to not horribly fuck up her account.

This is my first answer for her I've written because I had my screen on low brightness and on darkmode, so your profile jump scared the shit out of me when I scrolled past it. Therefore im answering this one first.

Anywho, from my chronic inability to write angst here goes: Tim died, came back and none of the Bats seemed to care. So what? It's not like his best friends hadn't done the same thing. And he was tired and sick of the Bats thinking his entire life revolved around them.

So he packed up his bags and headed to Kansas.

The Bats might not be worried but neither was Kon or Bart. They're actually thrilled after getting over their initial grief that Tim now has also personally experienced death and came back. The funeral was a rather small, breif, and quiet afar. Kon made sure to help locate Tim's corpse and Bart helped with the eulogy (surprisingly heartfelt and moved them all to tears.)

Sure, they're sad that Tim died but he's right in front of them, it's a little more difficult to morn when you've been laughing at said dead guy who got stuck halfway through phasing out of the wall. And now Tim can keep track with them!

Kon is a little pissed that Tim can now go intangible and escape his TTK so he can't take away Tim's coffee anymore. But it's kinda worth it. The first time he took Rob on his favorite flight path, he's never wanted anything else than to hear Tim's breathless laugh and see his frighteningly perfect smile again. They now often go on flights together, high above the clouds with no-one else but them for thousands of miles around. (it almost felt like a date)

Bart knew this would happen one day. He was from the future, of course he knew that Tim Drake, formerly Red Robin, died at age 19 and changed his alias to The Grey Ghost. It doesn't mean that Bart doesn't morn the passing of his friend. Tim means a lot to him and the brief guilt that he did not stop Tim's death also quickly passes. He can finally show Tim that hiding space in the walls that no one else can get to without phasing through the wall! One other thing. Bart is unsure if Kon has noticed yet, which he knows Kon isn't the most observant of the old young justice crew but he has to have noticed it by now. Ever since Tim left Gotham he's developed an insane appetite despite claiming that he didn't need to eat while in Gotham and also being dead so why does he need to eat? (Unknown to Bart, Kansas doesn't have as much ambient ectoplasm as Gotham and Tim is starting to experience the withdraw symptoms. If the trio don't realize how to fix Tim's worsening symptoms soon, Tim might actually die for good this time.)

[fluideli123]

Sonadow Fic Rec

Okay, before you jump down to the masterpieces listed below, I just wanted to state this:

These authors have given this phenomenal content for free, baked with time and effort. I have never once ignored this, hence why I try and comment on each and every one of these fics. However, my energy and ability to be verbose differs day to day. Some of these fics I have not given proper comments for, despite this, I will be on it the moment I can be. In the time being, (once I am able to find my comments on each of these fics) I will be sharing my adoration for them further in other posts (and most likely link back to this one).

With that being said, please, PLEASE take your time to check each of these fics out. If they're not your cup of tea? Valid! But hands down I have never dedicated myself to making a fic rec like this until now. But I MUST share and spread these works, they are much too dear to me not to, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

(All fics are listed by order saved in my bookmarks, not in the order read)

tangled threads and bite-marked shoulders by @rubyiiiusions

Words: 32,287 | Series | Complete

Shadow hissed in pain. The laser had just grazed him, but it still stung, and he instinctively gripped the wound it left on his arm. “You dare-” He stopped. The laser hadn’t hit him. In fact, it had struck Sonic, right on his lower left arm. So why did his forearm feel like it just got shot? He whipped around, fear climbing up his throat, and he suddenly became hyper-aware of something new. It was like a sixth sense, feeling the confusion that emitted from Sonic’s fur in waves as if it was his own. “What did you do?!” Shadow snarled. or, eggman accidentally soulbinds shadow and sonic, and no one has any idea how to undo it.

Sleepwalking by Tirainy

Words: 22,117 | Complete

'There is a strong arm curled around his torso, the appendage keeping him close to its owner, whose warm breath is ghosting over the back of his neck. Sonic is sure he went to bed alone the previous night, but he isn't worried about the intruder. After all, this isn't the first time this has happened…'

Secret Admirer by @trenchcoat-gecko

Words: 24,313 | Complete

Sonic understood well what it meant to be loved. He was a world-famous hero, after all; his presence never went unnoticed. For the most part, he lavished in that attention, he soaked it in and encouraged it. But not romantic attention. So, when the blue blur found himself falling in love? Well, the prospect was rather daunting, no matter how easy Amy had made it out to be. So maybe, just maybe, he should just take the easy way out...

Rose Drops Series by @magicstormfrostfire

Words: 122,489 | Series | Complete

Love, Intuition, and a little bit of magic ensues as Amy sends Sonic and Shadow on an unforgettable adventure.

Wolfboy by @trenchcoat-gecko

Words: 73,856 | Complete

World-famous monster hunter Shadow the Hedgehog has a job to do. It doesn't take long for the one-shot wonder to realize that this job won't be as simple as he'd expected: a small town, rumors of a lone werewolf, and a handsome, green-eyed, chronically-injured casanova who manages to worm his way into Shadow's heart... What starts off as a simple job turns out to be something much more life-changing.

Blizzard Bedfellows by @magicstormfrostfire

Words: 21,294 | Complete

When a rare blizzard takes over the island, Sonic is on the run to make sure a certain angry loner is safe and sound. Y-you know, because...uh that's what heroes do.

We never met but can we have a cup of coffee or something? by @whitejungle

Words: 3,630 | Complete

It's been almost two months since Sonic lost someone he didn't even know, but he can't stop thinking about it.

Clean Slate by nottheweirdest

Words: 155,880 | Complete | Note: Squeal pending and I am cheering you on author!! Whatever you decide I am excited to support you!!

Shadow has lost himself before. He knows what it's like to straddle the line between reality and false memories, but this time, it’s Sonic whose memory has vanished. A premeditated set of circumstances and an accidental injury leave Sonic with no memory of who he is, his life, or more importantly, his painful history with Shadow. It’s up to Shadow to remind the hero who he is in the midst of a global outbreak. It’s a chance for redemption. It’s a chance to right the wrongs of the past. It’s a clean slate.

say i reckon (i love you, for a millisecond) by @redamancering

Words: 30,205 | Complete

There’s a hand on his shoulder, barely making contact. A red gauntlet glows around the wrist. Sonic blinks, the pain having evaporated so fast he feels almost weightless. “Shadow?” Shadow’s breathing heavily. “Problem.” The retrieval of the ancient tech Shadow (and Sonic, in tow) has been sent to uncover takes a turn for the worst. In this case, the “worst” means… becoming physically and inextricably linked to each other. For the foreseeable future. OR: Metaphysical handcuffs, and general gay buffoonery.

Judge my sins, not my feelings by yellothebeeloved

Words: 228,479 | Complete | Note: Possible one-shots pending from the author for the series, I am here to support you author!! What ever you decide I'm here for it!

Maybe he's not meant to touch. It's the newest excuse he thought of in hopes that he could prolong the game a little more; a careful ruse to enjoy the bittersweet torture of seeing the days pass them by, while he pretends he doesn't seek azure blue whenever he's restless. At first, all he wanted to do was watch: but now the desire to touch, to have, to affect is at a point where he's not sure whether reaching for Sonic would truly be fruitless. He wonders that especially when Sonic's eyes light up upon seeing him. When he corners Shadow, when he invades his space and he touches and takes and then excuses it by calling it a fight. Shadow truly wonders then: if only he was brave enough to reach out, what would his grip find? Loose stars or a battle-worn body? Standing up, he glances at Sonic again, whose eyes have now met his own. There's something heavy in the eye contact, something Shadow doesn't dare name. Neither of them say anything, and yet Sonic's eyes move away from him again, like they did. Shadow warps away, hiding from the stars once more.

Child of Prophecy by @trenchcoat-gecko

Words: 139,321 | Completed

On the night the Mobius Castle was ransacked, the Queen received a prophecy. “One of three will not cry; send him down the river, for you can only save your kingdom if he does not grow up royal.”

Coming Home by nottheweirdest

Words: 55,740 | Completed

Shadow's life has been full of mistakes, some worse than others, but admitting his unrequited feelings to Sonic tops the list. He's spent the better part of a decade ruminating on his regret and hiding from feelings he couldn't bear to face. He never thought he'd see Sonic again, and he told himself that was for the best. Until now. At the bequest of his former rival, and in an attempt to finally get closure, Shadow has returned to Central City. The reason? Sonic the Hedgehog is marrying Amy Rose. And Shadow is invited.

[cripplecharacters]

Hey! So one of my characters has fibromyalgia and I have her using crutches for it. My problem is that I was on crutches a while aback and I remember them being like really painful on the hands (grip wise). Is there any way to like make the handles softer to stop the grip from hurting other than buying a custom set of crutches (from what I’ve seen they’re ridiculously expensive). Thanks for answering :p [emoticon of a smiley face sticking its tongue out]

Hello!

If your character is using crutches long-term (Such as for a chronic condition/permanent disability), they would likely be using forearm crutches, which are different from the kind of crutches you use for a temporary injury.

Forearm crutches are much better for longer use because they are more comfortable and can help prevent damage caused by long-term use of regular crutches.

That said, if you're referring to regular crutches, there are several options available to make them more comfortable. Virus mentioned a few products for padding below so I'll just add that there's also DIY ways to improve the comfort when using regular crutches.

One of the main ways that I've seen it done (And I've used myself back in the day) is to take a hand towel and secure it around the top via duct tape. It helped a lot to prevent bruising around my armpits/upper arms when using them.

Virus covered most of what I wanted to go over below so I'll end my part here!

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

Hello lovely asker!

I use regular crutches on and off! 😃 Forearm crutches and canes don't work too well with my body but normal crutches have always been comfortable for me!

They actually make these paddings that go around the part for under the arm and for around the handle part, usually secured with Velcro or a button clasp. Some have like memory foam, some are more of a stuffing texture (sorta fluffy), there's some gel ones, some are more like moleskin where they're not padded but they prevent friction, and sometimes there's a neat little bag that comes with that hangs on the side of them. Of course the hand made option is always very good too, which a lot of people do. Having the crutches decorated/customized is an cool option which I mean a lot of us do with stickers, washi tape, charms, keychains, other things that you can safely decorate mobility aids with.

But Icarus is very right though. I don't use my crutches everyday I use them whenever I injure myself or need support. My body is very loosy goosy for a lack of better words and so I often injure my lower body very frequently, so I often just need the support. But I also lean on everything around my house and use things for support. My old medical pole, I do this with my wheelchair, the counters, the handles on doors and the fridge. Most everything I named comes up to right below my shoulder or higher so I don't have to lean over to lean on anything or in an uncomfortable position.

I think this is an interesting to think of: does this work for your character?

If it's no, maybe not, and you still want to show regular crutches being used, one thing you can do actually is show the character start with underarm crutches and then change to forearm crutches as their long term aid. Or even show that they change in between them; using their forearm crutches for most of their movement/activities while using the underarm ones for something quick or as a quick grab or if their forearm crutches break etc.

But also if you're doing a situation where it's like post-apocalytic setting, poor area/the character grew up poor, or other situations like that, it is very likely for the character to use underarm crutches rather than forearm crutches. Forearm crutches can be about double to triple the price of what normal crutches are so they are a bit more expensive. These are all little factors to consider.

Hope this helps some and happy writing!

~ Mod Virus 🌸

[luna-rainbow]

idk if you've seen that post, it's from years ago at this point, where someone is surprised to hear that Bucky has a disability. i think it's in an ask with a response like HE'S MISSING AN ARM. remembering that left me thinking,,, what are your thoughts on Bucky's own comprehension of his disability? like, i'm sure he experiences chronic pain, and he's aware of his disability *especially once he has a metal arm that can be detatched as we see in tfatws* but i also feel like he might feel guilty taking the title of disabled because he has the serum and is "super" plus he doesn't feel like he deserves the support/help that can and should be given to disabled people when they need it. ALSO he hasn't had all that much time to process as a human rather than a controlled weapon that he is missing an arm. his prosthetic has been welded into him,, with probably less sensation,, but it functions like an arm,, idk i just feel like it probably hits him out of the blue, too 🥲

Oooh thanks for the interesting ask nonnie! And yes I do remember that hilarious post.

Here's my usual disclaimer that this is just throwing out ideas and that canon lends itself to many different interpretations.

I think the first thing to consider is Bucky's relationship with disability as a concept. He was good friends with Steve, a chronically ill person, but sometimes people have a different bias when it comes to invisible illness versus visible body difference. I have seen people, including disabled people, who are more accepting of one type than the other. He had grown up during a time when disability was considered a "defect" and there was talk of eliminating them from the gene pool, so there might be some inherent fear of being seen as "disabled". At the same time, he had also fought through one of the bloodiest wars of human history but also post the antibiotic era, which means a lot of major injuries became survivable compared to WW1. He likely saw many people around him become physically marked in one way or another. I have a feeling that that experience would have reconciled him with the fact that the value of life is greater than physical wholeness. So overall, I think Bucky probably had a fairly accepting view on disability and illness back when he was able-bodied, and while he needs time to process the loss, that acceptance is probably somewhat protective against self-hatred.

The second thing is the curious subject of Bucky's bionic arm. I have met (lower limb) amputees who reject the "disabled" label, because to them once they put on a prosthesis they could walk and run and work and exercise. I think worrying about being "deserving" might be a small part of it, there's a bigger part of worrying about social perceptions of disability -- they didn't want the "handicap" label to be used to hold them back. I suspect you are right, in that Bucky probably sees himself as very capable, even super-humanly so, with the (very high-tech) prosthesis. He most likely feels that being a soldier is a big part of his identity and sense of worth. I suspect also...going back to what Bucky's relationship with the word "disability" means, his interpretation of that (given he came from the 1940s) might mean something that has a profound impact on function, and he may feel that he doesn't fit that mark.

The third thing is Bucky's relationship with body image, which has varied from movie to movie. The Winter Soldier had no qualms flaunting that arm, but then the Winter Soldier had no mind of its own, and its handlers knew the metal arm was intimidating. In both Civil War and TFATWS, we see Bucky wear gloves and long sleeves to hide his arm, which he removes when he starts a mission. It could be that he doesn't want to scare people or draw attention to it day to day, or it could be that he associates the arm with the soldier part of himself and he doesn't want to see it when he's trying to return to a normal life. Interestingly, in Wakanda, Bucky had been quite content to walk around without any sort of prosthesis at all. This might suggest that he's less bothered by the missing arm than he is by the need to wear a weaponised prosthesis.

But you know, people are fickle creatures, and I am sure when he's hit by PTSD or a bout of anxiety or depression, his views on body image and his physical limitations would take a very nasty turn and he would have to work through all the stages of grief again.

[dullgecko]

Okay so this might be a little too niche, but having just seen "museum" as a prompt, it got me thinking about the bad kids if they worked at a museum. (This totally isn't based on my uni degree - shhh)

Gorgug would be doing conservation in the labs, probably specialising in metals (he's an artificer, he's obviously doing metals). I can also see him enjoying larger stone objects, and he would tolerate ceramics if he absolutely had to. Don't ask him to do textiles - he'll give advice about treating the metal fastenings but that's it. Conservators pretty much always get forgotten from thank you lists, but once the bad kids get involved, conservation gets a little spotlight on the museum social media courtesy of Fig. Gorgug definitely isn't the stereotypical conservator (most are middle-aged elven women) so Gorgug can sometimes feel a little out of place, but works with Riz and Kristen to address the problems in the sector and do some outreach to get more people into conservation.

Riz would be doing research for the objects and writing up the object interpretation labels. His favourite exhibition he was involved in was a community-curated exhibition about goblin culture. He was also a big advocate for the outreach programme that supports lower-income families/individuals. He loves his job, but there are definitely a lot of problems and he's constantly having to advocate for repatriation of objects, because no, that was clearly stolen, and that community is asking for it back, and you can't just say you want to keep it because you think it looks nice in that display. He constantly has to remind people that providing reasonable adjustments is a legal requirement (and really asking for an adjustable height desk and a wrist support is quite honestly the bare minimum for what Riz actually needs for his chronic pain). And don't even get him started on the diversity of the top end of the organisation - you can't say you're diverse if elves are in all of the management roles. It does slowly get better, but gods is it slow progress.

Adaine would probably also be doing research, maybe in the science labs doing analysis (she has the identify spell and legend lore - it's perfect for analysis!). She's pretty high up so sometimes gets asked to lead private tours of the labs - she hates it, but she does get more confident the longer she's there. She works with Ayda and she loves it.

Kristen would probably be part of the education team. Teachers are always a little amazed when she can make even the most disruptive kids settle down enough to pay attention. Kristen doesn't think she's doing anything exceptional by listening to the kids and engaging with them and letting them move around if they want to, but apparently a lot of teachers hadn't considered that maybe their students just had unsupported disabilities and that if you accommodate them then they actually do care. For the students that really don't care, Kristen meets them where they're at and either relates the topic to something they do care about, or gives them a "secret task" to do instead that keeps them engaged.

Fig works mainly on the marketing team, and helps organise events like museum sleepovers and silent discos. She also runs all of the social media and somehow manages to keep up with various trends without making them terrible (a true marketing skill). The older museum staff were very reluctant to have her join, but the events brought in a large increase in engagement and they couldn't argue with the numbers. (It helps that Fig and the Sig Figs perform once a year as a fundraiser for the museum and always raise a lot of money).

I don't think Fabian would work there necessarily, but I can see him coming in to volunteer sometimes when he's not off doing pirate stuff. He'd never admit it, because he's not a nerd (he's not!), but he really loves hearing his friends talk about all of the cool things they're working on and he happily talks to them about possible interpretations of objects. He gets brought in to help out with an exhibition about pirates or something along those lines. I think he also probably has a large regular donation set up that he'll never admit is him. (Everyone definitely knows that it's him).

Gorgug likes doing all the quiet back-end work because people rarely bother him and he can sit with his music playing without getting interupted.

Riz got sick of having to climb on the furniture in his office once and threw it all out into the hallway (it involved a lot of dragging, disassembling and swearing) because it was all human sized. He didn't want to steal any furniture from his gnomish or halfling colleagues, half of them were ALSO having to use human sized desks, but he definitly got his point across by setting all his stuff up on the floor to work instead. He also advocated for at LEAST having steps and platforms short-folk could use to see the exibits, half of the more fancy display cases were above his head height.

If Adaine is asked to give a private tour to someone she knows is particularly snooty (or even a little racist, most high elves are after all) she'll kidnap Riz. The goblin will do the whole tour from on her shoulders (he memorised it after watching her do it once and can rattle it off word for word due to his stupid good memory recall) and she enjoys how the tour group ends up looking a little uncomfortable. Its especially funny because his Elven is perfect, he doesnt even have an accent, they dont expect it.

Kristen does the same sometimes but only because kids think it's hilarious, if she holds her arm out Riz can dangle from his knees and talk to the kids upside down without skipping a beat. Its good because sometimes kids have questions that come WAY out of left field about the goblin exibits and he can answer them in ways that they understand.

Fig also does all the fun posters and flyers for the museaum, she's a pretty good artist even outside of her music and she designed all her own album covers and merch. If she's not wearing a SigFig shirt she's wearing one of their promotional museam shirts from years ago.

Fabian does the reverse-pirating when no-one is looking. If he finds a museam that has stolen artifacts that a culture wants back they somehow find their way into Riz's hands. Riz is very good at sneaking things back to people without getting caught.

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

i assume you'll be coming for blood (that makes two of us)

Chapter 7

Ao3 | 3.2k Words | Sweetheart's POV

TW: Conflict, discussions of injuries, chronic pain, crying... lots of crying.

Davey Shaw was a quiet, shy man who had the unfortunate habit of running himself ragged for others. It was something you could empathize with, but having that attention pushed to yourself was uncomfortable. After that initial healing session, Davey slept for twelve hours. His core was exhausted from the amount of healing magic he’d poured into you. You didn’t even know shifters could be healers. The fact that he had managed to heal as much damage as he had was either a testament to his considerable power and skill or proof that he was going to get himself killed trying to help others. Perhaps a bit of both, 

After emerging from the upstairs bedroom, looking ragged and still exhausted, he banished Milo to go get some rest and assessed you gently in the momentary privacy of his living room. He let you ask questions as he worked, rotating each of your joints, checking the scars, prodding your chest to make sure it was still intact. 

“How do you know Milo?”

“Old friends.”

“Where did you learn to heal?”

“D.A.M.N..”

“Did Dr. Collins teach you?”

“Yes, actually. I took four or five classes with him.”

“Did you like him?”

“He was… unconvinced of my ability, but ultimately an excellent teacher.” 

“Man, you’d think… because of…”

“Actually, that’s why he was hesitant to recommend me as a paramedic. He knows how his magic is limited, so he knows how mine is too.”

“You’re a paramedic?”

“Part time.” 

Davey’s bedside manner seemed to rely on his patient. He answered each of your questions, some more thoroughly than others, but all honestly. You didn’t know how you could tell that. Maybe it was just something about him. 

After affirming to himself that your lung wasn’t going to collapse in the next few minutes, he helped you stand. You had your forearms rested atop his, your grip shaking and unsteady. He muttered words of encouragement, corrected your posture, told you how to hold your weight. 

“You’re really good at this.” You winced, gazing straight ahead like he’d told you. It put you in the unfortunate position of essentially ogling his chest. You struggled not to let that be your most prominent thought.

“Thank you.” You stared up at him expectantly. Davey caught your eye for a moment before pursing his lips and nodding. “More words.” He breathed, as though to himself. “My father was in a car accident a few years ago,” he explained softly. He shifted so you rocked your weight back and forth, wincing every time you rested over your right leg. “I managed his recovery.” 

“He’s okay now?” 

“Mostly.” Davey nodded. “He has some chronic pain in his leg. He has good days and bad days, but mostly, yes, he’s fine.” 

“Will I…” you pursed your lips against the question. It felt silly, childish. You didn’t want to appear weak in front of him. But then again, you were unable to stand without help, half blind, and your guts were currently rearranging themselves inside of you. You didn’t really have a choice but to appear weak. You leaned into it. “Will I be okay?”

Davey took a deep breath, rocked you back and forth a few more times before helping you lower back down onto the couch. His dark eyes found yours and held on. You didn’t dare look away. 

“You’re going to be different.” He said. “And you’re going to have to live with that.” 

Davey dug out a cane from his medical supply cupboard. It was silver and clinical, and he adjusted it down from its highest setting to its lowest. With one hand in his and the other braced over the cane, you managed to stand. He showed you how to use it, that you had to brace it on the opposite side as your injured leg, which felt unnatural to you at first, and how to swing it along with your stride. In the solitude of Davey’s living room, you took your first, unsteady steps on your own. 

Two days later, when you gained enough energy to be uncomfortable with continuing to take Davey and his mate’s hospitality, you relented. It was time to deal with the fall out of your bad decisions. You started with the easiest one of the bunch. You didn’t care what Jet thought of your little excursion, and you didn’t care to appease his emotions in regards to your behavior. He was your Captain, and not blameless in all of this, as Milo reminded you readily. He was the one who sent you half cocked into Rebane territory after one of the most dangerous rogue vampires in the last century. He was the one who sent you after this shade alone in the first fucking place. You were sure, with conduct like that, he’d make Commissioner before the year was out. 

As evening rolled around, Milo retrieved one of his cars and picked you up. Davey’s mate produced a set of their own clothes for you. They fit better than Davey’s, and their simple, professional style was appreciated. Davey and Milo hovered over you as you walked- limped- to the car. You let Milo catch your arm when he grew nervous, and threaded your fingers into his. You didn’t need his steady form to hold you up, but he needed to know that you wouldn’t fall out under his nose. You could give that to him.

You did not, however, let him follow you inside. He opened the car door for you, help you stand, and stared up at the imposing, dark building like it was the enemy. 

“Stay out here, please.” You asked, you ordered. 

“And let you go in alone? Sweetness, I’ve got your back.” 

“I know.” You nodded. “But I don’t think I can do this in front of you.” 

Jet’s office was still lit up by the time you made it through security and made it to your bullpen’s floor. You were grateful that the floor was mostly empty. A few of your peers glanced up at your arrival, their eyes hungry on your cane, your gate, the scar marring your face. 

“Jesus Christ,” Jet breathed when he got a look at you. For a guy with little care for your wellbeing before this moment, he jumped quickly to pull out a chair for you. His face ghosted white as he took you in, his mouth agape and unsure. For the first time since it happened, you were glad the shade had left such visible marks on you. It served Jet right, having to look at what he’d, in part, done to you. 

“I quit.” You said, unceremoniously. Jet balked at you, halfway through reaching for a thick file that you assumed was yours. 

“I’m sorry-”

“Thank you.” You shifted and pulled out the loose-leaf notebook paper on which you’d scrawled your resignation letter. Jet snatched it from your hand, reading it over before scowling over his desk at you. “I have a few questions first.” 

“So do I.” Jet seethed. 

“I’ll start.” You raised your hand and inspected your nails, which Milo had taken the time to clean and cut while you were unconscious. Prissy, pompous little prince. “How long did it take for backup to arrive?” You tried for all of the world to seem unbothered, although you knew your current condition was working against you. Jet sighed and scrubbed a hand over his haggard face. He looked tired. 

“Forty-five minutes.” He reported numbly. You nodded. 

“If I hadn’t been found before they arrived, I would have died.” 

“If you had waited for backup before engaging you wouldn’t have been in the situation to begin with.” 

“If I had waited forty-five minutes for backup, half of D.A.M.N.’s student population  would have been that thing’s dessert.” You snapped, more passionately than you’d intended. You took a deep, steadying breath. You’d blown your cover, showed your hand. You had to regain your composure. “I know that my decisions in all of this have not been sound. I know that I’ve alienated and isolated, that I’ve pushed away what little help was afforded to me, but that is exactly what the culture of the Department breeds.” 

“Hold on-”

“I’m not finished!” You raised your voice to Jet for the first time. His mouth clicked shut in shock. “You are running a system that all feeds off of delusions of individual success and grandeur. You cut resources from investigators not meeting casework quotas, hand easy, safe work to the people with actual experience and allocate deadly cases to the rookies with no partners and no support. Oh, but backup is just a short, forty-five minute wait away!” 

“That is a wildly bad faith view of our practices, Investigator.” Jet interjected as soon as he could. 

“You sent me after a dangerous, fifty-year-old vampire on my first fucking day!” 

Silence hung in the office. Jet scowled at you over his stacks of files. Finally, he broke. 

“Is there anything else?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “That kid in the park. Has his next of kin been informed?” 

“No.” Jet blinked, thrown off by your change in tone. “We’ve only just found his name. You know how it is with the homeless.” 

“People experiencing homelessness.” You corrected. “Christ, Jet at least attend the sensitivity training you assign.” 

“Lasko. Moore.” Jet ground out between gritted teeth. 

“The contact for his next of kin?” You asked expectantly. 

“You are no longer a Department employee.” Jet retorted. “I can’t disclose that information.” 

“You’re lucky I don’t sue D.U.M.P. for my injuries and report your incompetence to the Ruling Council.” 

“You have no case.” 

“You wanna take that risk?” Stalemate. Jet held your eye for a long, tense moment before glancing away. One benefit to your fucked up face, it seemed. People couldn’t challenge you for long. Jet sighed, scribbled down a name and number on a spare sticky note, and handed it over. 

“Since you’re blackmailing me, what else can I do for you, Investigator?” He spat the word like it was an insult and it felt like one.

“Actually,” you grinned, snatching the cane from where it rested against Jet’s desk. “You could leave my clearance active for an hour or so.” You stood with some effort and fished your badge from your pocket and threw it down on a teetering stack of papers in front of him. You lumbered towards the door at as fast a pace as you could manage. Just as you crossed the threshold, you painfully twisted back to catch Jet within your limited vision. “I hope things do change, Jet. I don’t want anybody else dead. And I don’t want you to have to live with it.” 

Now to the harder ones. You moved through the Department halls slowly, the click of your cane the only noise in the sleek, empty space. You ran the tips of your fingers across the papered walls, catching against framed pictures of former department heads and deceased D.U.M.P. employees. If you looked hard enough, you could probably find your mother’s portraits somewhere. 

She used to bring you to work with her during the summers, while your siblings went to daycare or camp. She would sit you at her desk, hand you a little yellow legal pad and a pen. You would play Investigator, gather clues to your nonsensical cases, interrogate her obliging coworkers, and you’d always, always win. It was always something you could win. That was the spark, you thought. You’d never wanted to do- to be- anything else. You didn’t know what you were now. And you didn’t know if what you had been was anything like you’d thought it would be, was anything you could even recognize. 

Collins was in his office alone, the lights dimmed and the infirmary all but empty. When he looked up at you, his eyes flashed with fear before settling into shock. 

“Jesus Christ!” He barked. 

“That’s what they keep calling me.” You tried for a joke that didn’t land. He shot up from his chair and pulled you towards it, sitting you down with no room for protest. 

“What the fuck did you do?” 

“Went up against a shade. Alone.” You said shakily. Collins had gone into doctor mode, checking over you the exact same way Davey had that morning. 

“You’re an idiot.” Collins snapped. His magic sparked and raced through you, searching, observing. 

“I am.” You nodded. “I’m… I’m really sorry, Doc. I lashed out at you in the middle of a fucking self destructive spiral.” 

“I know.” Collins growled. “I’ve had one or two of my own, which is why I tried to intervene.” He looked up at you after a moment, his face softening. “But… given how I’ve treated folks who’ve tried to help me? I should have seen it coming.” His silver eyes flitted around your face for a moment before giving you a single, curt nod. “This healing was sloppy. Can I?” 

He indicated towards the gauze taped over your eye. You swallowed heavily, but nodded. Gingerly, he peeled the medical tape back and bent out of your vision to examine it. 

“Lord have mercy.” 

“He did the best he could.” You said, defensively. “I was out there for at least half an hour before anybody got to me.”

“You’re lucky to be alive.” Collins grumbled. He tutted before discarding your old gauze and walking out to the infirmary. He pointed a single finger at you as you attempted to rise and follow him, holding you in your spot. He returned a moment later with an armful of medical supplies and a fresh pair of gloves on. He redressed your eye, pulled up your pant leg to ease on a knee brace that would help support your weight, smeared a cold, translucent ointment over as much of your scars as he could reach. 

“You went to D.A.M.N.?” He asked after a considerable, somewhat uncomfortable silence. You nodded. “Then you know where the healing school is.” Another nod. “My office is on the first floor. I’m there Tuesdays and Thursdays for office hours, after dark, obviously. Come see me once a week and we’ll see about these scars.” 

“What?” You breathed.

“I can’t promise anything,” Collins snapped his gloves off. “But we can try to reduce your scar tissue, maybe work on that leg too.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” You felt like you might cry. 

“I’m a healer.” Collins dismissed you easily. You imagined that he a lot, went above and beyond, gave more than he had to, more than he strictly could. You two also had that in common. 

It was dark out, but Cam was right where you expected to find him; perched on the bench you shared every day, no food in sight, staring up at the light polluted, starless sky. 

“Hey,” you all but whispered as you approached. His large, star-filled eyes found you and filled with something between guilt and concern. 

“Hey.” He replied. 

He didn’t attempt to help you sit, just waited patiently for you to settle next to him. 

“What are you doing out here?” You asked. 

“Stargazing.” He kept his eyes on the sky, searching through Dahlia’s early-autumn cloud cover for any hint of light. 

“There aren’t any.” 

Cam leaned into you. He was on your blind side, but the warmth he gave off was enough to telegraph his movements before he made them. His shoulder bumped into yours. 

“We can’t see them.” He said softly. “But they’re still there.” 

By the time the two of you were done talking, you were calmer than you had been for weeks. Months, maybe. He walked you back out to the parking lot, and you held his arm instead of the cane. Milo was waiting where you’d left him, leaning against his sinfully expensive sports car, his phone to his ear. You didn’t catch his conversation, but you did catch the line of tension that disappeared from his features as he laid eyes on you. 

“All done?” He asked. You nodded. “You okay?” 

“Yeah.” You said. Cam handed the cane back, his hand hovering over the small of your back as you regained your balance. “Milo, this is Camelopardalis.” 

“Cam.” He corrected, extending his hand for Milo to shake. 

“Camelopardalis.” Milo mimicked back perfectly. “Milo Rebane.” 

“My friend has fallen in with royalty.” Cam smiled down at you, somewhere between impress and horror. 

“I ain’t so high and mighty.” Milo smiled. So he did have a self deprecating bone in his body, little as it might be. “I have heard that you did everything you could to help them out. I appreciate that.” 

“It was simply the right thing to do.” Cam replied easily. 

“I don’t make it easy.” You said. Cam looked down at you, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. Something like pity quirked his features. Or maybe it was fondness. 

“I’m under strict orders to get this one back in bed before the night is out.” Milo reached towards Cam for another handshake. Cam reciprocated and bent to meet your eye. He squeezed your free hand tight, like he didn’t want to let go. 

“You have my number.” He said. “I expect you to use it, or I’ll track you down, royal boyfriend or no.” 

A blush creeped up your neck as Milo laughed. You shoved Cam’s shoulder, but there was no strength, no malice behind it. 

The engine of Milo’s stupid fucking sports car hummed through your entire body, sending waves of pain up and down your leg. Milo drove gently, avoiding potholes, taking turns slowly. His hand twitched on the gear shift, as though longing to touch, but not willing to. You fished your phone out of your pocket and clicked through to your emergency contacts. 

Before you pressed the call button, you took Milo’s hand in yours. 

“Hey!” Your dad nearly shouted. “I’ve been calling you for two days!” Tears welled up in your eyes at the sound of his voice. You sniffled pathetically and you could feel Milo’s eyes on you, even if you couldn’t see him. 

“I know.” You said. You felt your guts shifting inside of you. You thought you might vomit. A tear slid down your cheek before you could stop it. You couldn’t let go of Milo’s hand to wipe it away. “I’m really sorry, Dad. I fucked up. Really bad.” 

“Okay!” All of the anger was gone from your dad’s voice. “Okay, kiddo. Whatever it is, we can deal with it.” 

Over the drive between D.U.M.P.’s headquarters and Milo’s mansion, you laid it all out for him. You detailed your case, what exactly a shade was, the kids it was draining. You explained your spiral, your thought process, the stupid decisions you kept making. You told him, baring some of the gory bits, about the attack. The dead kid- Lasko, you reminded yourself to say his name, to remember it, for someone to remember it- how terrifying the fully formed shade was. Your injuries. 

He cried. You shook with the effort to keep your own tears in. He had earned this. He had fought tooth and nail against your self-destructive habits. He had earned the chance to let it out. 

“You’re gonna be okay?” He asked after taking a moment to collect himself. Davey Shaw’s words shook around in your head. 

“I’m gonna be different.” You replied. “But yeah. Yeah, I’m gonna be okay.”