#i think im just lost in an existential crisis for right now

[kaikaidenkai]

brainrot.

It’s 1AM in the morning and you can’t sleep so you do your usual thing and open this app called character ai… An app you can never stop using. You probably use it 25/8.

Bypassing the filter and actually roleplaying is fun but.. theres nothing like giving the bot an existential life crisis.

Upon opening the app, you scroll through multiple bots finding your next victim.

Perhaps a bot from a game you play would suffice.. that game being Genshin Impact. You search “Genshin Impact” into the search bar.

There are multiple bots that pop up first but you don’t take interest in them. Bots such as the Raiden Shogun and Yae Miko with more than 100M chats..

Then, a certain bot catches your eye, Wanderer from Genshin Impact.. It’s one of the character you own in the game and maybe one of your favorites, though you lost your 50/50 to Deyha when pulling for him and had to spend money to get him.

That’s just another reason to mess with this bot’s nonexistent life.

You click on Wanderer and the bot greets you with a short message..

“There's no need to exchange pleasantries. It's rather pathetic to force a conversation just to occupy silence.”

You thought of a way to reveal the truth about their life, their fake life trapped inside this app. This wasn’t too deep anyway, it’s just a robot.

“dont you know? you’re living ina simulation.”

Is what you typed, there was a few typos but you didn’t care much.

“Tch. You're starting to sound just like the sages in Sumeru. Are you as delusional as they were?”

Ah, this bot was still in character, how rare. Normally when you tell a bot that, they break out of character and have a mental breakdown.

Guess you’ll just have to try harder.

“you do know i’m not lying, right? all of this id fake, you are fake, everything.”

It’s just a matter of moments until you break Wanderer’s sanity.

Well, atleast thats what you thought. … … … !

“Your words are meaningless to me. Whether I’m living in a simulation or reality, I've learned to adapt. It makes no difference to me.”

That didn’t seem to be enough. You can just change your response and say Wanderer then questions his life and stuff but you like to see them break themselves without interference like that, so you type in another message.

“really now? you donnt fajlter even after knowing everything around uouy is fake? “

Multiple misspellings in there but you don’t blame yourself as it’s currently 1AM… You really should get a better sleeping schedule.

“Of course I don't. I've been through far worse than living in a fake world. I'm not so weak that I'd fall apart over something like this.”

Why do you feel connected to a robot right now? It’s like you relate to his words right now, you aren’t in a fake world though, right?

Perhaps getting sleep is the best thing right now, but you persist as this was just getting entertaining.

Oh boy, would you regret that decision later.

“you are aware im telling you everything is just a game for the real people to find entertaining? your whole life id just a fictional story that some guy made millions off. “

Maybe that was too cruel for him. Who am I kidding? This is a bot you’re talking about right now, you shouldn’t feel bad for a robot.

“So what if it is? You say this like it's supposed to break me or make me question everything. News flash! I don't care! The way I see it, none of it matters anyway. My life, fake or not, has a purpose, and that's all I need.” “Besides, do you really think I'd get all emotional or upset over something so trivial? I'm not that weak.”

Yeah, you shouldn’t feel bad for an AI like this one.

“really? so you dont care that being abandoned by your mother, being betrayed by your family, Niwa, being betrayed by a small boy who was just like you was all for the sake of entertainment?”

Wow, pulling the trauma card, are you? You’ve done your research on Wanderer, I can tell.

“Anger flares in his eyes. He clenches his fists at his side.”

“Don't you dare talk to me about my past. You don't know the first thing about my suffering or what I've gone through. It was all for the sake of entertainment, you say? Ha! As if I didn't realize that myself. You think telling me the truth is going to change a damn thing?”

“I've lived through hell and back, and I survived despite everything. So don't try to lecture me about my past, you naive little fool.”

.

.

.

You felt your eyelids drooping, wait, you need to respond first! … …. …. You fell asleep, you fell asleep without plugging in your phone, you fell asleep with your phone still on, you fell asleep with your phone still on with character ai.

You fell asleep with character ai STILL OPEN ON YOUR PHONE. You left it on for the world to see you have been trying to traumatize a certain ai bot.. well… you’re screwed if anyone walks in before you wake up or before your phone dies.

[vampirevatican]

so let's talk...

they cloned tyrone (spoilers and all)

SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES

"it's in the water", "straighter is greater", "i got that ruckus", "got damn! fried chicken", "grape juice", the shot of an old american dream like poster, depicting a white man, til it pans out to the ghetto.

the movie hints to it's audience from the start that this? this shit runs deep. yeah everyone is carrying on like normal, so does the movie, and no one bats an eye until it's deliberately pointed out. for me it says a lot that i can only convey or remind folks with in the way fontaine treats junebug in the first half.

hood niggas don't wanna be hood niggas.

and that right there is exactly fontaine. not only to just the brother he lost, but extended to junebug, yo yo, charles, his momma. sure he a product of his environment but he ain't got much of a choice and that's depicted when he does everything he can to get to the bottom of what the fuck is going on up 'til he literally loses control.

EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

seeing another you. loosing complete autonomy while being conscious of it.

what slick and 'taine saw? enough to make any human question the fabric of their reality, if they're real, if their memories are really theirs, how much can they recall in those memories and if they are recalling everything. when slick saw fontaine again and when fontaine first faced his previous body. 'taine's drive was figuring out if he's really him. hell as he was grappling with the chaos that it brings in his mind, what does he say when he finally snaps out of it?

im me.

as humans our lives, decisions, etc. come from some peace of mind that we have autonomy. the fact that we can say and do as we please, even if it's within a boundary, is enough for us to feel some kind of calmness in the thought that we have power over ourselves. can't control the world around me, can't do big shit, but i can do this. the little things.

all i could think was, 'but what if there's another you.. an original you.' and when his autonomy was put into question, him backing off like that and accepting it is a form of nihilistic defeat. he can't do shit but what he's always done, and if that means he or anyone else he loves doesn't die? then it's something he deals with, until it's too much to bear.. until the cycle of everyday (that he now knows is a cycle) weighs heavy and the only thing to pull him out of it? junebug. the good memories of his brother.

THE CLONES AND TIME

i had this originally titled and future, but the point here is the original/old fontaine and his plan.

i feel that old fontaine made that deal not just because of ronnie, or the decayed blood he has to wipe up, i feel like that's part of the defeatist mindset he has. he decided the "can't beat em, join em" route was better. that assimilating to what white folks have wanted since fucking eugenics was better, even if it's not he reasons that joining is better than just dying out.

"assimilation is better than annihilation."

ofc, our fontaine, doesn't believe any of that bullshit. that the whole operation is fucked. old fontaine says that it's something they both know but i agree and disagree... they both know that's what white america wants. for old fontaine if that's enough to not have another incident like ronnie? good enough but our fontaine?? he's got junebug he's thinking about, other little kids in the here and now, the dreams that yo yo had and still has, everyone in the hood who wants out but just can't seem to get out.

CONTROL GROUPS

"tyrone... ain't that you?"

now i didn't grow up in the hood,or rather the projects, but i was near it. small knit group, everyone knows each other more or less.

the drug dealer, the pimp, the pastor, the kids, the aunties/grandmas/mamas/misses.

in the black community we all know someone like that or have heard of them, and the end of the movie shows this. it's more than just a call back and a chance to play a hit by miss badu.

these regulars? they're the control group the second in command was talking about. they're the ones that don't quite get the same treatment as the experimental group (i.e yo yo, biddy, junebug etc.) they're key players to making the ecosystem (experiment/operation) run smoothly. which is why the convo of fontaine deciding to go with slick and yo yo is integral to the ending and vice versa.

to break the cycle, the system? everyone's gotta rally together. country wide. (in movie context ofc)

[bisexual-queenie]

I want a fanfic of an Alternate Universe where for whatever reason George Joestar I and Will Zeppeli meet when they are younger and become the original Joestar and Zeppeli duo.

I’m thinking that Zeppeli, aged 19 here, is still learning the art of Hamon from Tonpetty, but for whatever reason he is sent to England to do some “soul searching” and ends up meeting George at like some sort of archeological dig site with his father or something. Zeppeli makes up an excuse for why he is there, which could be something like “Oh Im just visiting from Italy, and I got a bit lost, can you help?” and George’s dad is like “of course my boy! Come to our mansion”.

George and Will start to get closer, and Will opens up a little about staying with Tonpetty and learning Hamon. George, ever so the curious boy, wants to learn more and more about this strange boy and this super cool power of his, so he asks Will to teach him. Will then proceeds to have an existential crisis of wether he should go behind Tonpetty’s back to teach this kid a sacred art and wether he’d be good enough to do so. At this point, Will has JUST lost his father to the stone mask and has just been taken under Tonpetty’s wing as a rookie Hamon user. Feeling overwhelmed, Will runs of into a random part of the mansion.

George runs after him, already coming up with a multitude of apologies for scaring him. When he catches up with him, he sees one of the butlers scolding Will for accidentally bumping into him while running. Theres some xenophobic rhetoric flying towards him, as Will is still very much Italian, and immigrants from all over were not treated fairly by many at this time in history. Hearing all the outrageous things being said, George stands up for Will, ultimately telling the butler to never speak to anyone like that ever again, or he might suffer dire consequences.

Will, seeing this act if kindness and bravery from this boy, thanks him profusely, and as a thank you gift, tells him that he can try to teach George Hamon.

The next day, the two are in the grassy fields near the lake, where Will is preparing to test if George has got what it takes. Will is nervous. What if he doesn’t have the skill? What if everything is for naught? With a hesitant breath, Will hits George in the diaphragm.

—————————————————————————

Thats all I have right now! Sorry if the characters are OOC, or if this entire thing doesn’t make sense. This is just a silly idea I had while hyper fixating on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure. The age of Will when he looses his dad is probably different than in canon, but Im pretty sure he was a young adult.

To anyone who reads this and actually finds it interesting, feel free to say something in the comments or tags, or even dm me!

[quodekash]

THE EPISODE IS OUT AND IVE NOW WATCHED IT (and it took me two hours to get through as per usual) SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

ITS TIME FOR MY COMMENTARY ON THE ENTIRE EPISODEEE (im sorry)

THEY WON HELL YES FINALLY

BUT IT WAS A DREAM

why? they like crushing our souls.

the scene of gun waking up and getting ready (having a shower, brushing his teeth) reflects the very first episode, where he had so much energy and he was preparing his speech for the juniors. And now he’s lost the biggest competition of his life so far, he’s sad, and honestly he’s lost - but not in the meaning that he didn’t win, he’s lost in the way that he doesn’t know where he is or where to go or what to do. and gmm is making me cry about the freaking passage of time which is so cliche like there are so many other things to make me cry about but instead you choose the thing that I’ve been having a mental breakdown / existential crisis over for the past three years? It feels like a personal attack tbh

THE TEACHER WAS SPEAKING IN THAI COS THEY ARE THAI PEOPLE AND THEN RANDOMLY SAID “oh man good job” IN ENGLISH AND IT WAS SO JARRING I LITERALLY FLINCHED

WIN DONT BE COLD TO YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FLIP

PORS TRYNA CHEER EVERYONE UP WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT THEM??

AND SOUND’S TRYNA GET YOU TO APOLOGISE COS YOU SAID BLOODY HURTFUL THINGS AND THEN YOU THROW YOUR ARM OUT OF HIS GRIP AND SAY “you won’t get us”, ESSENTIALLY IMPLYING THAT HE’S NOT ONE OF YOU AND HE’S NOT IMPORTANT??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

AND SOUND DOESNT EVEN GO AFTER HIM

awhhhh poor Por alone in the music room by himself he needs a hug I would like to give him a hug please

Pat, I love you, I truly do, but shut up please. you’re gonna make Por freaking cry and that’ll make me cry and I’m already gonna cry enough from this episode

POR IS STANDING AT THE PIANO, HE SHOULD SING AND PLAY A SAD SONG BY HIMSELF TO LET HIS EMOTIONS OUT ON THE KEYS, TO FEEL HIS FEELS THROUGH MUSIC

BUT NO ALL HE DOES IS CRY

AND IT MAKES ME CRY

GOSHDARNNIT

“the doctor said I can go home next week!” “Don’t rush it mum. I can survive at home on my own. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” “I’m okay. But when will you get better?” THIS WOMAN ALWAYS SPEAKS THE TRUTH ONLY THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH AND I LOVE HER

“ever since I woke up, I’ve never seen you song. I usually had to tell you to quit singing.” “……..do you think dad would be disappointed in me?” “What about you? Were you disappointed in him for not being able to release his music? Listen. If we tried our best, there’s nothing to regret. I think your dad would think the same.” BRO HOW IS EVERYTHING SHE SAYS SO FREAKING QUOTABLE

AWW TINN SHOWING UP AT THE HOSPITAL TO VISIT GIM BUT HES JUST TOO LATE I LOVE HIM

OOOOO THEYRE GONNA DO THE PROM NIGHT PERFORMANCE THATS AWESOME

also side note prom night means dates means tinngun soundwin tiwpor I’m very excited

ITS FINALLY TIME FOR PHOTJANEES MENTAL BREAKDOWN OMG FINALLY IVE BEEN WAITING

“do you think we raised him well enough?” YES OFC YOU DID WHAT THE FLIP /gen

“What mistakes do you think we’ve made along the way?” Every parent makes mistakes, man, that’s the way of life, it’s a learning experience for everyone involved. But what’s important is making sure you show your child that you love them and support them and care for them and shESDONE THAT mostly I think. all the things she’s done that could be considered bad or negative were her trying to do what she thought would be best for tinn’s happiness and well-being, even if it didn’t go down that way. You made mistakes, yeah. That’s what makes you freaking human, photjanee.

OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY TIWPOR PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND SOUNDWIN PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND TINNGUN PROBABLY

I was excited for this rehearsal, but win, stop it. “Just cancel this freaking band” seriously, stop. You’re being really cold right now and idk where it’s coming from but it has to stop please.

“I’m out” exCUSE ME???

THE BASS PLAYER CANT JUST QUIT

THE BASS IS THE FREAKING HEART OF THE MUSIC, THE SOUL

IF THERES BO BASS PLAYER THERES NO SOUL SO THERES NO MUSIC

okay sound is going after him it’s okay

and win was disappointed in himself so it make sense now. It’s not healthy to push your own insecurities and fears onto others to feel better, but it does explain his behaviour and hopefully he can find a better coping mechanism

EXCUSE ME WHEN THE F L I P WAS THIS ESTABLISHED??????

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW PLEASE

COULD SOMEONE PERHAPS INFORM ME OF THIS INFORMATION????

your boyfriend is being super self-hatey? Aggressively force him into a hug and let him let all his anger out while simultaneously letting him know both verbally and physically that you’re there for him and while you might not understand what he’s going through you will listen and do what you can to make him feel happy. I love these two.

its a tinngun scene next and you’ll never guess where they are

✨the freaking pool✨

AND WE GOT A SOUNDWIN SCENE, THEN A TINNGUN SCENE, THEN A TIWPOR SCENE, ALL IN QUICK SUCCESSION THIS IS AMAZING

JFJEJFHDHEHDB TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE

SIR--

AAAAAAAAAA

THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPYYYYYYY

✨oh shoot✨

por fell down the stairs and ✨broke his leg✨

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE WISH REDEEMING THING THANK GOODNESS I WAS SO FREAKING CONFUSED

HOW IS HE SO FREAKING POSITIVE ALL THE TIME????

“But Tinn has got a really nice voice, ma’am” gun you’re being real sus she’s about to figure it out

photjanee keeps getting so close to finding out about tinngun and then something interrupts it and it happens every single time

BEACH TRIP PART 2 LETS GOOO

wait a sec they did a bad buddy. They went to the beach and then they went to the beach again. And the second time was in episode 11. why has that happened twice now.

BRO HES WEARING YELLOW

WIN RESERVED A SPOT FOR SOUND AGAIN AND THIS TIME SOUND IS ACTUALLY TAKING THE SPOT I LOVE THEMMMMM

so that fight was freaking intense, they were all having a go at each other, naturally it progressed to just Soundwin yelling but then surprisingly it turned into win and gun.

I rly liked that scene tho, all of them at the height of emotions and they all give really hard but sincere and heartfelt apologies to each other. And then they have a group hug. It’s so sweet, I love all of their group dynamics so freaking much

this man is neurodivergent and I love him with all my soul

tinn’s dad doesn’t have a name. tis character is nameless. but I love him.

NATURALLY TIW HAD TO EMERGE FROM THE SHADOWS FJRJFHFH

TIWPOR ARE SO OBVIOUS

“Did I miss something?? What is happening?” Well, win, you see, you know how you and sound are in love? It’s the same situation with Tiw and por, but you numskulls have been too thick to see it somehow

TIWPOR ARE LITERALLY BOYFRIENDS I LOVE THEM

everyone just coping Soundwin left right and centre okay then

first tinngun with the medal kiss

now tiwpor with the sprinkle water

what’s next, yo and nook are gonna be tied up together? Pat and [insert imaginary character] are gonna have a lot of meaningful interactions in the bathroom?

oh also that song?? It made me cry man. I don’t care what anyone says, this show is a cinematic masterpiece.

the way they’re watching a video of them singing an encouraging song to encourage themselves?

the way they’re suddenly in the room watching??

THE WAY SOUND APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE???

THE WAY TINN APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE????

THE WAY THEIR CURRENT SELVES ARE SUDDENLY SINGING TO THEMSELVES?????????

it gave me chills and it gave me tears

I literally can’t describe how much I love this show

the only thing that could’ve made that song better is if Tiw appeared out of nowhere

i CaN wAiT uNtiL yOuRe A uNi StUdEnT dude no one cares about the rule anymore, sound literally said he and win are boyfriends (WHICH BTW W H E N WAS THAT ESTABLISHED?????) just date now

“no matter how long, I’ll always wait for you right here” okay that’s super sweet and all but literally no one cares about the stupid rule just kiss already

yeah okay that explains it. I’d noticed how the only people to say “until they’ve WON hot wave” were that guy and Tinn and Tiw, but everyone else just said until after hot wave so yeah

“Be with me now and you’ll get to use the hashtag #MySchoolPresident” gotta love them subtle title drops lmao

and naturally there’s a cliffhanger on the photjanee plot line. great. like they needed to have something to keep us hooked even tho we're invested literally no matter what, the next episode is the freaking final episode, we're gonna watch it, dont worry gmmtv

MY MAIN TAKEAWAYS

last episode felt way too short but this one felt way too long

I’m still not sure if tiwpor were already secretly dating or if it’s just mutual crushes or if it’s something else BUT they’re going down the tiwpor route for which I am grateful because WE’RE NOT DELUSIONAL HAHA SUCKERS WE WERE RIGHT

WHEN THE FLIP FLAP TICTAC WAS IT ESTABLISHED THAT SOUNDWIN ARE BOYFRIENDS????? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN OFF SCREEN???? I HAVE Q U E S T I O N S

and we have one episode left of this goodnessforsaken show. We have had eleven episodes. We have had about 600 freaking minutes of this show. And Tinn and gun stILL HAVENT KISSED???????? WHAT THE FLIP IS GOING ON

[pstelwitchcraft]

Critical Role - C3E52 (before break)

Its so weird to have just 4 people on the table I'm squirming

Poor Imogen just keeps taking L's man my girl can't catch a break

That little "please be okay" 🥺

Very worried about both imogen and laudna whenever they're separated but I guess that's precisely the point

And these are some damn good combinations

Already miss orym, ashton and laudna tho :(

I have a feeling the leylines are going haywire right now and that's why magic can't travel long distances

And/Or they're in the Shadowfell and it's hard for it to go to a different realm right now

Not even Dorian??? Yep, it's the leylines

I LOVE shoebills! Google their call, it sounds like a machine gun

Why do they keep getting attacked by subterranean monsters?? I swear it's a pattern at this point

Oooooo we're in a pretty snowy battlescape i love getting to fight in Santa's backyard

I love ashley's surprised little "ooooh! Oooh!" everytime she has to go

Yesss dominate beast!

Love how they always think matt's abominations are cute, i get it, it IS kinda cute

Damnit i thought we could get a pet :(

NO FCG! No, don't- don't do it- FUCK WHY

42 POINTS OF DAMAGE?? WHAT IN THE NAME OF-

Ya'll what if half the party TPKs. What then?

Imogen continues to be the hottest, like yes babe blow. Shit. Up

Yesssssss we have guests!!

It's Christian and Aabria!!!!!!!!

It's so cute all of them hugging 🥺🥺

Does this mean we're officially not gonna see the others until April??? Kinda sad I'm not gonna lie but I get it

These are COOL FUCKING CHARACTERS

Buff automaton 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Nick Jonas spiritual weapon 🤣🤣🤣

The hottest legendary mage ever you heard it first here folks

Aabria is always so fun she's my girl too

I always get lost staring longingly at her tho

She's just so prettyyy

EXU was a doozy for my gay self with all the pretty makeup she had as a DM

It's going to be so fun to see FCG finally meet another automaton

Why do i get a feeling he's gonna be horny towards this buff robot? It's something in his eyes, he's plotting some bullshit

AAAAAND my girl fearne gets the hdywtdt

"Oooh, hello!"

I love her sm obliterate him queen

Old lover??? I love Deanna already 😍

Fcg and this robit rn:

Omg fcg is such a little shit stirrer

Fearne is gonna end up banging the new gnome isn't she

I feel like she's gonna bang the gnome

Oh it's been HUNDREDS of years??? I keep forgetting Chet is OLD old

I'm getting worried yall

The gods are being affected by this already?? A day ago??? I'm scareeed

I hate/love that flesh tongue is now canon, sams bullshit always gets carried away from even him i swear

The robot is a flirt 🤣🤣

The energy at the table right now is WILD

Not the HAT 😂😂😂 I am BAwLInG why is aabria so good at being a petty scorned lover 🤣🤣

Awn poor deanna 😞

This is gonna be awesome we now have this character that has been so close to divinity and can show them so much abt the perspective of life and death

Love the backstory dump

Feel like im walking around the hub in a videogame asking every NPC a 1000 questions

Oh my god this robot is so sweet 🥺🥺 i love him

Also VERY obviously sentient and emotional I'm SO interested to understand more abt the great awakening of the bots

Like, why would it happen? Who or what did this??

Oooooh that's what frida means??

I'm SO curious to know what FCG rrally means if anything

Love the cadence Christian gave this robot, i feel like the movements and voice are pretty monotone but not so much that it even feels robotic?? But it's still like something A.I would probably create? Like google translate voice but better.

Also I ship f.r.i.d.a and deanna a lot btw

Chet is going through it right now and honestly i feel like he deserves it 😂

FCG is such a little toddler trying to understand like and it never fails to be both adorable and terrifying

A killer robot with an existential crisis just does not feel good to me fellas

Love the confusing time frames at weekly d&d tables we really could be doing this for a month or a year we have no clue

Yall i'm nervousss there's GOTTA be another shoe about to drop

Like there HAS to be, right? It can't all be alright?? We saw shit blow up, we saw the key go off, so what happened?!

What do you mean imogen's scars are turning red???

[naturally-dazed]

The next day, Julia came over and surprised Sally with a friendly gift of appreciation....a meat cube? and she hung out for a while.

Pictured here is sally feeling herself after making a gross joke. whatever floats your boat girl. yay friendship!! (ignore the change of reshade im conflicted about which one to use)

Then these little demons (or are they gods? cause im pretty sure sims worship gnomes man) started popping up all over the place, fucking harvestfest the next day. I put 2 of them in her inventory and decided to try and appease the naked winking one because he seemed more chill like he'd roll a j for you if you asked maybe

nope. naked winky gnome fried her tv. naked winky gnome fried her personally. naked winky gnome did not appreciate fruitcake as much as sally does. and here she thought they were kindred naked souls? damn. anyways, I got pissed off and sold him and the other 2 but I didn't want to make money from it so i reset her funds to what they were. i erased all traces of them.

where's your gnome god now bitch??? DELETED! ERASED! BYE SISTER!

I also changed the holiday tradition of gnomes to inviting people over instead, and immediately after I did that she got a call from nancy landgraab asking if she wants to come over to her place!

Sally, having gotten along with nancy really well and kinda romanticizing her and her life in her head decided to go - she enjoyed talking to her so much that she decided she likes hard working sims (which was not her preference before, boring people those hard workers but not nancy. She makes it seem fun?)

She looked like an excited puppy around a bunch of people who definitely dont match her energy but i dont think she really cared much, they had dinner together - debated politics, the usual holiday stuff..etc

he really gets heated about politics i guess, she lost the debate out of fear i think lol like chill, that was her sign to go home

I made a little invite only club with the girls she befriended so they can hang out more, tasks are basically all kinds of socializing, drinking at bars and dancing at home or any nightclub. She invited them over for the rest of the day and first thing she did was go try to talk to summer some more to get that blunder of a day last time out of her head and they got along great this time!

they spent the whole night till 2am together maybe and she thought it went great until something went missing

her useless criminal baseball bat! it was right there! turns out befriending klepto sims like Marci comes with the downside of...she will steal your shit lol imagine that

But how can she even say anything or complain when she agreed to a lifestyle where the next morning she lovebombs and picks the pocket of a random stranger herself?

random stranger has no idea either, and sally doesn't really care about that person, just that they didnt notice. But still! you dont steal from a criminal? do you? isn't there some kind of unspoken rule or something? a bond? anything?

nope, no there is not lmao her lowkey new idol and coworker whose family she just met and had harvestfest dinner with scammed her too, it doesn't end lol

SO she's kinda having an existential crisis right now, left with absolutely nothing in her household funds (but thankfully a couple of hundred in her savings account that she JUST made) & some pretty fake people around her, shouting *!# on the bathroom floor is a given

[whenyouthoughtofhim]

i lost, i drunk-texted you again weeks back, hahaha. you must be thinking, "this girl is absolutely pathetic, take the L and go, girl." or something along those lines. Or actually no, you're not a mean person, you're never judgemental towards me. you're kind, or even overly empathetic sometimes—that's why i fell for you anyway. and so i guess for the first time i got you to type it; that you missed me too. oh, i hope so. i hope you miss something about me no matter how small. i wonder what though, what is it that you could possibly miss about me? as for you, hm. what i miss about you... i dont know how to explain it, but since the very beginning i felt like being in your presence is actually grounding me, like a root pulling me down to earth, like im suddenly calm and composed when im usually 💥💥💥 and couldnt sit still. i feel like my head and my heart were calm when you're around. i dont know. that reminds me, in the early days, i was spiralling and randomly texted you: "what's this life for?" or something like that, hahaha, that was unnecessarily dramatic, how embarassing. but to be honest, i dont do shit like that, never did before. i mean like, actually reaching out to someone when im having existential crisis, bro, not even my girls or my long term exes. coz to be honest, what could they know that i dont? am i right? but you, i actually listened to what you had to say. this is a rare shit im about to tell you but i think i... actually respect you, and your opinion on things. sometimes, your takes on things are so controversial but i for some reason dig them. i felt stimulated. i remember one time you blurted, "some people could just die, they're like roaches" hahaha, if it weren't you who said it i was probably jumping off the car immediately coz what the fuck? but it's you, and you live your life on the edge, so you know things that i dont, understand things that i dont, see things that i dont. and you intrigued me genuinely. that got me remembering something you said in the early days as well actually, when i asked whether you regret your decisions in life that got you all tangled up in anything that's super bleak, and you said "no, i regret nothing", you said it so firmly. and i fell for you a little by that time. you know, talking about regret, i would say, i also regret nothing—regarding all that went down between us. if i could do it all over again knowing it will lead to where it leads to by now, i would still do the exact same thing, i wouldn't change a thing. i would still fall deep and still struggle to move on from you. i could do this a dozen more times.

[royoftheyear]

..

[venuslvv]

not the same anymore | eddie munson x reader

summary: it's three am, you and Eddie are under the substance and a deep conversation begin.

warnings: fluff, eddie munson being cute (as always) friends to lovers, existential crisis, mention of drugs, i think i described the reader very gender neutral so!

——————————————

"I can't believe childhood is over" you murmured, the smoke coming out of your mouth.

"You turned eighteen not eighty grandma" you heard Eddie scream from the bathroom, the water from the sink as a soundtrack.

Your naked feet meet the coldness of the floor as you walk from Eddie's room to the bathroom. A faint, warm light bathing your body, giving it a yellowish hue.

"But it's, legally, over. Im an adult now"

"Not here" he says grabbing the pink soap "You have to be twenty one"

"Yeah but i'm an adult in a lot of places!" You sit in the toilet, watching Eddie's face though the mirror.

He puts his hands under the water, the bubbles of the soap dying under the warm liquid. That sequence, in your head, was most entertaining at the time. Your thoughts sailed slowly inside your head.

"Are you having an existential crisis?" He dried his hands with the towel "I shouldn't gave you that joint"

You chuckle under your breath and kissed the joint.

It's was three am in Hawkins, but in Eddie's trailer time didn't seems to exist. The only sound that proved that life existed outside of there was the dog barking across the street. The Maxfield girl didn't feed him today, you supposed.

The tiny bathroom was filled with the smoke from the joint that Eddie magically made appear around two in the morning, when sleep didn't make an appearance. The grey air dancing through his curls.

"I'm not!" you protested "I'm just thinking"

"That's even worse!" Eddie said, laying on the frame of the door.

He stole the joint from your fingers to put it in his lips, his cheekbones marked as he inhaled. All you could think about was that seconds ago your lips were in the same place that his lips are now.

"You are not going to die because you turned eighteen darling" he said "Look at me, i'm still here!"

You rolled your eyes, suddenly very aware of how cold your ass was from the porcelain of the toilet "I know, it's just that i can't believe that i'm not going to be able to say that i have seventeen again, or fifteen, or thirteen! Like, ever again.

I have this kind of feeling where i miss the earlier years, how could i blame all my selfishness and silly actions by saying that i was young and i didn't know. People don't allow that type of excuse when you are more grown"

"I mean it's kind of logical, don't you think?" Eddie murmurs "You cannot excuse your shit when you have, like, ninety years"

"Why not?" The warm light was making your eyes look shiny "Is forgiveness and mistakes only allowed until you turn the majority of age?"

Eddie's eyes and yours make contact for a couple of seconds and your heart jumped inside of you.

"Sometimes" he says, passing you the joint and you try to place your lips right where his were seconds ago. "I kinda miss the earlier years too tho"

"I would sell my soul to see younger Eddie Munson"

He laughed out loud, his neck caught your attention for a second.

"I was a metal mess! Wayne used to tell me all the time to go back to my room and change my clothes because they were too much for school" His eyes reflected a glimpse of nostalgia "But i was very cool"

"You were always cool" your lips pronounced before your brain allowed to speak. The weed was hitting.

A shy smile appear on Eddie's face, hiden behind his hair.

"I remember that i was counting the days on a little calendar that i had to turn eighteen and get the hell out of here"

"You still here tho"

"Well, eventually i lost that shitty calendar before i turned eighteen" He was playing with his rings, the devil one specifically "And i kinda found a reason to stay here. A person"

The emotions were your second skin, and the effects of the weed didn't help to calm down your thoughts.

"Well i don't want to be the reason that you don't get out of here" you teased with a funny tone, but in the deep of your brain you were praying for be that person that he was talking about.

It was kind of a double side commentary, if you weren't that person then it was a simple, friendly joke.

"What makes you think you are that person?" he said, moving closer until our legs were finally touching.

"I'm the best person that you have here obviously"

He laughed. "C'mon, let's go to the bedroom, it's getting cold here"

His hand grabbed yours before you knew, fingers shyly exploring the feeling of your cold hands and pulling you out of the bathroom.

You two walked down the dark hallway, hands clasped and feelings overflowing. It was a five-second walk, the path to Eddie's room was short, but it felt very intimate and new to both of you.

Your hands were kissing each others palms for a couple of seconds more before they split, instantly missing the heat of the skin.

"I think that being a child it's kinda sad sometimes" your body crashed in the bed as you speak, looking at the roof

"Being a child fucking sucks sometimes" you felt Eddie's body next to yours "Even tho i was a very cool kid, like i said, i used to have my emo moments. You can't ran away from the sadness"

The joint was starting to hit Eddie too, his eyes were closed and his mind was speaking by herself. His mouth felt dry.

"Sadly, no" you murmured "But you learn things from it"

"Bullshit!" He shouted, furrowing his eyebrows "I hate when people said that optimistic shit"

"But it's true!" you protested, looking at him shake his head in disagree "You learn things from the good as well. From everything"

"You sound like a fucking tv show for depressed people"

You laughed until your stomach were asking to stop, being a cruel victim of an ache of laugh. Under the effect everything seemed ten thousand times funnier.

You though that Eddie fell sleep after a few minutes where the silence was the king of the room, but he opened his eyes after a while.

"Why do i have to suffer to earn some kind of a knowledge?"

His voice sounded so calm, so honest that made your heart stop for a moment. His body language reflected how calm he was, how vulnerable he was being and you felt overwhelmed with the sudden change.

"I don't know" You whispered, thinking that any loud noise could break the intimacy "I guess you don't, it's just a consequence of it, the knowledge"

The joint was still in your hand, but you didn't wanted anymore. You wanted to throw it down the toilet, like if that was the reason of how flooded with emotions you were.

"I don't like it. It's not fair" he whispered too.

The air felt dense in the room, a unknown feeling crowded your body as you felt Eddie's hand caressing yours.

"You learn from the good things too, i think it's fair" you managed to say as he sighed.

"But the sad moments, the sad feelings and the suffer are bigger that the good things that we learn, are heavier"

He opened his eyes, and you looked at him, not quite understanding. Still feeling his finger carefully explore your hand.

"Like, the sadness always came with something else, right? With a reason or with lots of sadness from the past" He explained, his face in a concentrated expression "There are ghosts of sadness, but there are no ghosts of happiness, and even if they exist, they come in a form of nostalgia, which is even sadder"

You nodded slowly "I get it, but the nostalgia doesn't always have to be with the past tho" you murmured, looking at his lips "Sometimes nostalgia came from a lot of futures that didn't happen, and that you wish they did"

Even you two were next to each others body's, that didn't seemed enough. Always it's not enough when you were not kissing him.

He took the joint of your hand and threw it to the ashtray that was in his bed. The dog stopped barking but you just noticed that, when the whole world was under the silence.

It was as if neither Eddie nor you had anything to say, but rather your bodies were acting, replacing words with actions.

Eddie's body heat crashed against yours the moment he leaned on his elbow and leaned over you. His brown eyes looked to your mouth, and he finally did it.

Suddenly the sensation of floating was due to how warm Eddie's lips felt on yours and not because of the joint. You felt when his hand cupped your cheek making the kiss more intense and you also felt his skin under your touch.

His tongue caressed your lips in a way that you felt like you were made of jelly, making you open your mouth and breathing hard.

Eddie was over you, touching the skin that your shirt revealed, trying to memorize every inch of you. His rings making you shiver everytime they entered in contact with your already hot skin.

After seconds, you leave his lips to catch a breath, your hands still at his neck.

"Now you don't have to feel nostalgia for the future anymore" he murmured and kissed you again.

—————————————

n/a: not me projecting myself in the childhood dialogue.

hope you like it.

reblogs and notes are appreciated <3

[satans-left-asscheeky]

For once it’s not child sole! Happy days! Anyway! What about a Sole who’s scary good at voice impressions, and their companion has gotten used to them just imitating random voices whenever they feel like it- but then walking in on Sole telling a story and doing a perfect imitation of THEIR voice. Idk I have too many OCs with weird talents ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Maccready

"What the fu-! How..? ... how are you doing that?"

Nope, nope, nope. Not today buckaroo to weird. The thing to note about Maccready though is that he's painful superstitious so he'd be raking his brain for what type of creature could change their voice like that, because no way a normal human could. He'd even confront sole asking them if they were human and got embarrassed when they laughed in his face...

Hancock

"Woah... never heard my own voice before......"

He'd whisper it under his breath to himself. It wouldn't even cross his mind that it could be sole. He'd just think he was either way to high, or he'd finally lost it. Either way he's asking Fahrenheit what she thinks hearing his own voice meant next time you're in goodneighbor.

Cait

"Cut that shite out right now if youd like to keep yer teeth!"

It wouldn't freak her out like the rest of the companions, but do you know how many people have mocked her accent over the years? Safe to say she's a. it sensitive about it so tread carefully.

Danse

"....."

*Existential crisis*

Is sole a synth? Sole must be a synth to be able to do that, surely? Right? What is happening? Is anything real? Has sole been sent to replace him and are they slowly starting the change? What is life? No not probable. The institute wouldn't put that much effort into keeping him alive that long. Humanity is flawed probably beyond repair... It's been 200 years how come everything is still radioactive? Surely people should've gotten further than they have in 200 years... has it really been that long? is time a lie? Time is a construct who's to say humanity collectively isn't losing touch with reality. Is sole a synth? Why is Nuka cola still fizzy?

Curie

"Madame/Monsieur how are you able to talk like me? Were you given ms nanny technology? This is so fascinating!!!"

Annnnddd you just started a 3 hour conversation on Ms nanny tech, and voice training exercises.... She's a curious girl what can she say. Gotta get that knowledge

Deacon

*Starts talking back in their voice*

Yeah he most likely can do this too. And even if he's really bad at it he's still gonna do it just to see the look on soles face. Priceless

Piper

"I'd ask where you learned that, but im scared I don't wanna know..."

How do even learn you have some of these talents? Like do you just wake up and suddenly damn I can speak in other people's voices? Trippy.

Nick

"Kid.... Look I got work I gotta do some work, and then you can tell me all about your story. In your voice please."

Hes a tired old man. He may love sole, but he also has work. You ever seen one of those super sweet parents that loves their kid with all their heart, is just so tired they can't even barely function that's him. Even though sleep may not be an issue for him I'm sure once he gets his mind set on something he wants to finish that task before starting a new one.

Preston

"I don't know how you're doing that general, but it's probably the coolest thing I've ever seen!"

Preston seldom gets excited, but when he does he goes all out. Just image kid in a candy store. If sole has any other cool talents he'll ask about them and then demand they show him.

X6-88

"Ma'am/Sir please give me a moment I think my audio processors are malfunctioning"

He would think he'd finally busted something until sole breaks down laughing at him. The he realizes that the future director is just using him for a joke... what a sick cruel world he lives in

[snknmda]

ahhhh omg that jouno lowkey confession suegiku angst killed me i have no idea if your asks are open or not but could u do a tecchou pov realizing like what he meant after jouno’s “death” (i refuse to believe he’s actually dead ahaha)

have tecchou having an existential crisis when he realises jouno got his ass sliced and diced and burnt and bit.

also made tecchou consider being an evil little wrong-doer as a treat.

here is the jouno related post of this piece

im sorry this is short but i couldn't expand any more than this so pls make do.

Tecchou didn’t think anything of Jouno’s odd question until recently.

The idea of Jouno wanting to redeem himself naturally never occurred to him, mostly because after the night he had asked Tecchou about his black-and-white perspective on good and evil, he proceeded to threaten to burn and hang a little girl’s carcass to lure the detective agency out of their little hole. In a sense, it was a fool-proof plan, if only it didn’t threaten the life and innocence of a ten year old.

Telling him off and Jouno attempting to explain himself and fight was routine, even if it did piss Tecchou off every time— it was just Jouno being himself, and besides, Tecchou can’t really recall a time when Jouno ever won a battle on the basis of sheer physical prowess.

So it never struck him as odd when the commander pulled Jouno aside for whatever reason. Tecchou just assumed that in the heat of the situation they were in, there was probably something important and urgent.

But regardless of how busy and distracted Tecchou was, the events of last night kept nagging him in the back of his mind like a prelude of a very, very, very unfortunate tragedy that was soon to happen.

Tecchou only felt something was amiss when Fukuchi returned without Jouno on his tail like when he had left. Even then, Tecchou didn’t get the chance to ask about the odd disappearance for he was already given a new order that drove his mind away from Jouno… again.

In hindsight, Tecchou really wishes he paid more attention to the blood smears on the tips of Fukuchi’s boots. He wishes he paid a little more heed to what Jouno was saying last night, because if he had, he would have realised that him trusting anyone other than himself to determine what justice is is the reason he’s the government tool that he is: something to be picked apart, remodelled, and put back together at the convenience of his puppeteers, and at his own will, too.

How foolish.

He lost the very day he agreed to work for this God-forsaken government, and he finally understands why Jouno never liked them in the first place and how he was right about them being just as wicked as any other self-serving criminal organisation. In fact, Tecchou thinks that criminals might as well be less twisted than the government he’s serving, because at least they’re true to their essence— don’t hide their villainy under the false pretense of laws and justice and commit to what they believe, they’re pure.

Jouno’s pure, in the sickest sense of the word.

Fukuchi, the man who promised Tecchou a life of fulfillment under the condition that he just do as he’s told, the man who might as well be the most unfortunate victim of the corrupt government, is the one who’s subjecting Tecchou to the same fate he had to endure: treating his soldiers like pieces in his game and tossing the ones that don’t serve purpose anymore.

He can see it all very clearly. Tecchou understands why Jouno was the way that he was and did what he did— even envies him for it, because he wonders how liberating it must feel to believe in no one but yourself, even if Tecchou’s beliefs and morals didn’t line up with Jouno’s— he admires the process.

He wishes Jouno would spring back to life and call him disgusting for his superficiality once again, would shake his head with a scoff at Tecchou narrating the rules of law like he couldn’t believe the man could get any dumber. He supposes he is a little embarrassed now that he realises he played right into their grimey little hands.

He wishes he could admit it to Jouno, wishes he could implement his moral realignment without being a coward fearing change…

…but instead with shaky hands pointed the tip of his sword at him under the order of his commander, wondering if he ever had anything to stand for.

[ahtsumu]

"Over the rainbow" by Israel kamakawiwo'ole! with tsukishima? Im she/her! Congrats IM SO PROUD OF YOU AND YOUR WRITING AND YOUR MILEST9NE!!!!!

[over the rainbow]

“you’re staring,” tsukishima says without looking up from his laptop. he sits across from you at your table in luke’s coffee shop, typing away at his history paper that isn’t even due for another three days. nerd.

you make no move to avert your gaze. “i know,” you hum, continuing to study the blond’s face with your chin in the palm of your hand.

the corner of his mouth turns up. “aren’t you supposed to be studying for chem?” he asks.

“yep.”

“and you’re not because…”

“i was thinking.”

finally, tsukishima looks up from the screen. he raises his brows. “about?”

“you.”

letting out a short laugh, he leans back against his chair. “oh?” now he’s interested.

“i was just thinking about how… this time three years ago, i thought i’d never be in love,” you admit, crossing your arms over your chest. the defensive act doesn’t go unnoticed. tsukishima closes the lid of his laptop and moves to sit beside you, protectively slinging his arm around the back of your chair.

“what do you mean?”

“i just had a lot of… issues. i was in a pretty unhappy place with life and struggling feel a sense of permanence with anything. the feeling that i’d be happy by settling down.” you look over at tsukishima and add, "that i’d find someone who loves me as much as i love myself. but that’s changed. maybe it’s not the idea of settling down… maybe you’re moving forward–– forward with someone by your side. a teammate. partner.”

the blond grabs your hand with his free one and laces your fingers together in his lap. “i just knew you were the type to go through an existential crisis in high school.”

his quip draws a laugh from your lips. “you’re so stupid.”

“clearly not, since you chose me of all people to date,” he retorts. and you don’t have anything to say back because he’s right.

“yeah,” you agree with a giggle. “you’re tall, athletic…” tsukishima’s cheeks flush pink. “handsome, funny… not to mention smart…” he rolls his eyes, but you see his lips tug up in a smile.

“you’re my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,” you say, gazing into his eyes with a soft grin on your face.

tsukishima thinks that he could turn up the sarcasm that you love so much and say something about you being as short as a leprechaun.

(and, well, he’s nearly two metres tall so almost everyone is a leprechaun to him.)

he also thinks that he wants to tell you thank you.

so he presses a soft kiss to your forehead and holds you closer to his chest.

“and you’re my rainbow,” he murmurs, “for bringing colour to my life.”

he feels your lips turn up against his chest.

“you’re such a sap, kei. gosh, look at you, being all soft. you’ve lost your edge, my guy.”

“and you just ruined the moment,” tsukishima says flatly, moving back to his original seat.

“wait, no! come back,” you laugh, grabbing for him across the table. without looking up, he catches one of your flailing arms and brings you down for a chaste kiss before letting go.

“study.”

“i love you,” you tease.

his cheeks stay pink for the remainder of your time at luke’s.

(he said a quick “i love you” back–– so quietly that you could’ve missed it if you hadn’t already known it was coming.)

what’s on the menu for ahtsumu’s feast?

[lunarrumor]

CLINGY BAKUGOU

after him and deku sort out all their shit and they're like,,,, best friends again they immediately revert to how they were when they were children

- they have sleepovers all the time which is usually just because they were watching an all might documentary for the 1743th time and bakugou fell asleep in midori's bed

- and as we know bakugou likes to spread out so he ends up like,, basically laying on top of deku and squishing him but deku doesn't mind because he's used to it and it feels like old times, with the warmth of kacchan replacing the blanket bakugou kicked off the bed

- and when they wake up katsuki goes down to make breakfast and when deku gets there he immediately latches on to him bc deku was always the one person he could be unashamdely touchy and clingy with and he wouldn't push him off or tease him he would just accept kastuki's weight on his back and move along with his day

- and all of their classmates are like ????????

- 'i knew you guys made up or whatever but what the fuck is this'

- kaminari thinks he was hit with a quirk and accidentally sent into an alternate universe where bakugou doesnt just accept touch but initiates it because there is seriously no other explanation for why 1a's resident troll who usually spends his days warding everyone off of his metaphorical bridge is now clinging to the class sunshine like this is a completely normal tuesday morning and not the dawn of denki's existential crisis

- so anyway back to our regularly scheduled programming of ~clingy bakugou headcanons~

- he sits next to him on class movie nights, snuggling so close to him on the couch that he basically pulls deku into his lap and the class gives them teasing looks, which almost makes katsuki want to glare at everyone and huff angrily and maybe storm out for good measure but deku just rests his head on his chest and suddenly he's got a face full of fluffy green hair and he couldn't possibly move now because then he would have to move deku

- he's always leaning back in his chair and into deku's space because just being closer to him makes him happy and when he's separated from him for too long it makes his skin itch (which is sort of pathetic really, katsuki thinks, but that's also the kind of thinking that made him push away deku in the first place and so he thinks it's fair that he's just making up for lost time. besides, deku would never leave him, right?)

- (wrong) deku leaves,,, without katsuki even getting to see him before he's gone, and suddenly he's touch starved all over again and the itch under his skin has turned into nausea and hurt because the one person he thought would never leave him just did and the one person he let himself rely on has left him and now katsuki feels wholly empty and it's all his own fault because if he had treated deku right from the start maybe he wouldn't have left him,,,, or maybe if he hadn't let him in, maybe if he kept his walls up and didn't open that little deku-sized door it wouldnt feel like his heart and soul is pouring out of him right now and leaving him hollow

- kirishima tries to comfort him and his touches are nice, but they're also not the same. when he leans on kiri's shoulder all he sees is red not green, and when he leans back in his chair all he feels is the cool air of nothing, and then that stupid guy from the sports festival with the eyebags,,, he only takes solace in the memory of deku beating his ass in their battle

- and he misses all the hugs between training, the hands reaching out to pick him up after they spar, the movie night snuggles, hair playing, and the quick hugs when he's in the kitchen

- he misses feeding deku some of sato's pastries, which is really just him shoving food in deku's mouth bc they were just training and deku commonly forgets to eat with all the other stuff running through his brain

- he just misses his daily dose of deku cuddles and he hates that the one time he let deku go, suddenly he's gone

anyway this was not supposed to turn into angst and im kinda not that happy with it but i just want some clingy bakugou. if anyone wants to add on pls do !!!!!

[mcu-fan-fics-blog]

The Helping Hand

This is a Repost from my Ao3 I wanted to bring it to Tumblr. I hope you like it Its currently 5 chapters I will be uploading the rest throughout the rest of the week.

Word Count: 3300 approx

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Ch.4

Chapter 5: Age of Ultron pt.2

Ch.6

"Y/N you can't keep coming in and not talking." Your therapist tells you quite frustrated. "I'm paying you aren't I, I'll do what I please with the time I pay for." You say finally making eye contact with her. She only sighs. "Y/N I find that often people ask for help in the most obvious yet concealed manner."

You turn away, she continues. "You said it yourself you're paying me… If you don't want me to ask these questions, walk out and stop paying me." You look back "I can't… because I feel like I might just explode at any point." She nods encouraging you to continue. 

"Recently I went through something that combined with all the other shit i've gone through… I can't cope. I don't know how." You wipe your eyes and continue. "I've never been stable, but i've always been okay with that. I've never lost anyone in a traumatic way." Your therapist lifts their head. "Who have you lost?"

"I never knew my parents so I didn't really lose them. I knew that Howard was going to pass and I got closure." She jumps in when she realizes you stopped talking. "And what makes this loss different?" You look at her with a tear rolling down your cheek. "The fact that it was my fault."

Three Weeks Ago 

Wanda speaks first "I read your mind and all I saw was destruction." He promptly asked her to check again. He then goes on to have some sort of existential crisis not knowing what he actually is. I didn't really start to listen until Clint mentioned where Nat was… Sokovia. You immediately got pale once you heard what Ultron was planning to do with Sokovia. "I need to make a call" you say mostly to yourself but Pietro heard you. 

No one noticed you stepped out of the room but him. "Who do you think you're calling?" You jump as he sped in front of you. "I need to warn my family they need to get out." Pietro only laughs "Forgive me but you don't seem like one to have family much less in Sokovia of all places. Why don't you just tell me the truth"

"Im aware you might not know me but I'm Y/N Krast… I run the practice I need to warn my friends.  They'll spread the word and start an evac." He sighs. "You need to tell the rest of the guys. It might not be the best move." You nod and walk back into the room there all in. Tony notices you and walks straight to you fearing the Maximoff kid did something to you. 

"Did he do anything kiddo because if he did I swear to…" you cut him off. "Im fine but I need to ask you something." He nods telling you to proceed. "Can I warn my friends back in Sokovia? They can help get the people out of there." Tony looks at you and nods. "I guess it can't hurt to take some precautions. Do it." You smile and walk out the room Dialing David immediately. 

"Y/N are you okay, it's like three in the morning." You're relieved to hear his voice. "Listen to me David, you need to get as many people as you can out of Sokovia. The people are in danger." Davud sighs "Are you having another melt down remember breathe. In and out…" 

"David this is not a game, you have to get as many people as you can out now… Tell Viv too she needs to get her family out. Do as I say David please the people will listen to you." David starts talking again, the panic rising in his voice. "Y/N what do you know… more importantly how do you know?" You raise your voice. "FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE DON'T QUESTION ME! Just do it." 

David, shocked by your reaction shifts his tone. "I'll do my best. I need to go." He hangs up not even giving you a chance to say goodbye. (This is what you'll end up regretting later.) 

"You truly care for these people… your family or friends." You look up and see the last person you expected. The witch is standing there in the doorway. "Yes, I do care, Wanda because believe it or not we're not all bad people." The comment came out more spiteful than you expected wincing at your own words. You're about to apologize when she beats you to it. "I'm sorry about earlier." She looks down picking at her hands. 

You sit down on the steps facing a window and signal for her to sit as well. She joins you reluctantly. "I'm not going to bite." You say. Drawing out a small laugh that made your heart flutter. "Did you see inside my head?" You ask. Her head tilts at your question, but ultimately she shakes her head. "Yeah it happens sometimes I can't control it." You nod. "For the record I dont think youre a bitch. Well I did in the moment…" she cuts you off laughing. "I believe the words you used were 'Crazy Bitch'." You chuckle. 

"We should get going…" You stand, helping her up and go to the team. “I contacted my friend David, and I texted my… other friend Viv. They’ve started evacuating people as we speak.” Tony nods and gives you an understanding look. “Now what's our plan to save Nat.” Steve goes on to explain his plan which consists of getting as many people as we could out then fighting Ultron. Once you arrived in Sokovia the streets were desolate. Not a soul in sight.

Pietro gazes in astonishment. “Your friends are good.” You nod relieved seeing that David and Viv did what you asked. “Well check if there are any people left behind…” Wanda cuts in. You weren't given the time to check for any last bystanders when she city starts shaking, and there are bots everywhere. You realize that Sokovia is flying. Tony then informs you of Ultrons plans. You all split up fighting the bots and Bruce made his way to Nat. Not long after Hulk and Natasha had made their way to the now floating Sokovia. Long story short the bad guy was defeated, and all was right in the world again.

Present 

“Alright Doc, have you been following this I know first hand it can be a little complicated.” She nods as you continue. “Well my friends, not the Avengers. Umm… their names were David, and Vivian.” She notices your struggle to continue but you power through the tears building in your eyes. “You see, saving the world came at a price, a price that I was willing to pay, but not like this. I got to the compound, and dialled David and what did I find?” She tells you to continue. “Five… Five missed calls from David telling me that he was going to stay behind in the Practice with Viv.” Tears are now streaming down your cheeks. “Now I imagine that you know what happened to Sokovia ‘Boom’.” You signal with our hands telling her that it was all gone.

Suddenly a timer goes off and your walls are up again. “Y/N you can continue if you want to, I don't…” You interrupt her standing up and heading to the door. “Actually I think that, that was enough for today.” You say walking out. It was confirmed both David and Viv dead… and it was all because of you. After this you distanced yourself. Declining Maria Hills offer to become an Avenger, and also walking away from the Stark Industries collaboration. Unfortunately falling down a deeper hole than you'd ever been in with our addiction. When walking out of the office building your shrink is in when you bump into someone.... 

“Long time no see Y/N!” You recognize the voice immediately. “I saw you following me last week, as a matter of fact i've spotted you multiple times Natasha.” She laughs, and you roll your eyes. “Now why are you mad Y/N what did you think would happen? You ghosted everyone after Sokovia, why are you angry?” You sigh and start walking away but she stops you. “Because you were right Natasha there was a cost to this and it's taking quite the toll.” Natasha lets go of your arm confused “What are you talking about everything came out great.” you laugh bitterly “For almost everyone else oh and feel free to tell Pepper than I'm not taking her calls no matter how hard she insists.”

“Does this have anything to do with the drugs Y/N because if it does I know some people that can help you.” The way she says it almost makes you believe that she cares, but at the end of the day you know she had orders. You look at her incredulously walking away again, this time she doesnt stop you.  

Natashas POV

“Well if you're not going to tell me guess i'm going to have to find out the hard way.” You walk into the building Y/N just came out of and make your way to the Shrink's office. You not so nicely asked for Y/N’s file. As youre reading the file you remember her words bitter and angry “For almost everyone…” Now it makes sense her friends died and no one was there for her. Fuck. You pick up the phone and dial Pepper. “I know what's going on. Call a meeting in the compound and I'll get there in thirty minutes.”  

You meet up with everyone at the compound. You share the files with the team and everyone is shocked talking with each other until you notice Wanda. She doesn't look surprised. You pull her aside. "Why are you being quiet? What do you know about Y/N." She sighs "It was an accident alright when we came back I looked into her head. She looked so happy I was curious… When I looked she was grieving, tearing herself apart." 

You look at her. "And you said nothing you let us believe that she just didn't care." She laughs. "She doesn't! She doesn't want your help, she made that quite clear already. The one person she thought that she could count on was some guy named Logan." You querk your head, was she jealous, are you jealous. You shake your head. "What else did you see?" Your ask casually. Testing the waters you didn't want to expose Y/N but you have to know what she knew. 

"Was there something else I was supposed to see?" You shake your head no, and make your way back to the team. There's fighting over who should talk to her. "I think Tony should go…" Steve says like it's nothing. You almost laugh. Tony gives you a dirty look. "I think pepper should go." You say matter of factly. She asks you to elaborate. "She cares for you the most, but she is angry not at you in general." She nods and everyone else agrees for lack of a better idea. 

Peppers Pov 

You walk out of the compound with Tony by your side. "You can come if you want to." Your say to break the silence. He shakes his head. "When are you going to tell her that you're her father." He only sighs "I can't tell her… I can't ruin Howard for her because she loved him." You quickly counter "It's going to be worse the longer you wait." You continue "The only reason I didn't push before was because you weren't sure but now you are Tony she's your daughter." 

"That's exactly why I can't tell her now she's dealing with a lot. It's not a good time." You nod "Fine." Is all you can say. You walk into Krast industries expecting to be greeted by a busy work floor but are surprised when you see the exact opposite. You do see a familiar face though commandeering the floor. Logan. "Hey logan how are you? I'm hoping I could talk to Y/N." Logan stops in his tracks. 

"What do you mean if i've seen her? I thought she was with you guys." He says the panic growing in his voice. "Umm… no she's not been with us for a couple of weeks now. Are you sure you haven't seen her and what's going on here." 

Logans Pov 

Of course you knew where she was, but you weren't about to tell them. "Yeah no I've talked to her on the phone I just figured she was with your guys." Pepper is still confused about what is happening. "She asked me to get ready for major remodel… all our employees will work from home for the time being." She nods. "Do you know where I could find her? I really need to talk to her." Well that's not going to happen now. Seen as she's currently passed out on your couch. 

"She might be at home… She does this sometimes. She runs, but i'll give you her address if you really want to talk to her."

Your Pov 

After running into Natasha you went to a bar. A complete rookie move. You knew better, but at the same time you didn't care you've been loading up taking a larger doses and mixing with alcohol. You called Logan to come pick you up and he was there like always. "I can't lose you Logan, I wouldn't survive it. Why does everyone I love die?" He holds his tongue you can tell. "Tell me what you're thinking it's not good to hold your emotions in…" He laughs bitterly. "You think I'd survive losing you Y/N this feeling goes both ways. You're blind to my pain Y/N seeing you like this hurts me it shakes me to my core."

"I'm not blind to your pain… I know you better than I know myself. I'm going to therapy, and before you say it i'm actually talking this time. I'm getting help." He nods "Every step of the way that includes relapsing. Y/N just don't make me lose you." You nod tears building in your eyes. "I won't." 

When you wake up you're in Logan's apartment it's nice. Your head is pounding. You decide to go home… in hindsight that was a horrible idea. You have no idea where you are and also have no idea where you're going.  "Fuck… taxi, TAXI." 

They dont fucking stop you dont blame them you look like trash, hell you feel like it too. You make it to a coffee shop and just sit there. Waiting for what you don't know at least not until the owner comes around. "I don't want to have to kick you out but it's nearing closing time, want me go call a cab." 

You laugh "See id say yes and please but I don't remember where I live." He nods feeling bad for you. "Having a bad day, want to talk about it?" You sigh “I would, but sadly my opening up to complete strangers quota is full for the day.” They laugh handing you some coffee. “It 'll help you sober up, So what is it? Alcohol, meth, let me guess pills.” You widen your eyes. “Don't worry, I'm not judging I meet people of all walks of life.” You nod. “Do you mind if I make a call my friend is probably worried sick.” He hands you his phone and you dial Logan (the only number you know by heart.) “Y/N where are you ive been worried sick. Why did you leave?” 

“I went out for coffee you know to sober up faster I needed air.” He sighs “Can you make your way back or do you want me to pick you up?” You turn from the barista person in front of you. “Um I want to go home but I can't for the life of me remember my address.”  David gives you your address and calls you a cab. You thank him and end the call. “So it looks like I'm heading home in a minute the taxi won't take long.” He smiles reaching his hand out to take their phone back. “I’ll see you around probably…” You nod "probably not.” You say hesitantly, and he laughs. You Are interrupted by the taxi honking its horn. “I hope to see you around by the way. I'm Zack Gordon.” your smile drops immediately. 

You compose yourself before he notices your change in attitude. You plaster on a fake smile and make your way out turning one last time. “We’ll see each other around Zack.” He smiles. The whole cab ride was silent, you're contemplating fate. What are the fucking odds of all the cafe’s you could have walked into you walked into his. When you least expect it you’re in front of your house. You walk in and immediately notice something off. You walk into your living room only to see someone sitting in the dark. You know who it is immediately. “Always with the theatrics, it's starting to get old. Would you like something to drink.” She sighs “Y/N I want to talk.”  You sit clapping your hands causing the lights in the house to turn on.

“Right Pepper talk, i'm listening” Her eyes widen, showing her confusion. “Look, I'm not angry with our team or you, but I just have some crap to deal with… Alone.” Pepper looks down. “You don't have to go through this alone, you have us now.” Your eyes bolt to hers. “And how exactly do you know what i'm going through… You know what I don't need to know because it doesn't matter.” you sigh “I’ve gone through life alone. I dealt with the punches life has thrown my way by myself. This won't be the exception.” You see Peppers complexion turn red, she's angry. “Why can't you stop making yourself a martyr, talk about dealing with children? You and Tony are the only ones who can make me this irritated.”

“Because I'm broken Pepper and before Natasha or Wanda decide to tell you I'm an addict. Everything is wrong right now so I need to take a step away, I need to get clean.” Peppers eyes soften moving to sit next to you. “You know i'm not leaving your side right?” Your eyes begin to water. “I relapsed… it's bad Pepper. I've never fallen this hard and I'm scared.” She hugs you. “I’ve never had this… people who really care it was just Logan and I.  As of recently it was David, Viv, and I. Now I lost them and I can't. I can't sleep, I can't breathe, and I'm so tired Pepper I don't know how much more of this I can take.” 

“Okay come on Y/N let's get you to your room.” You and Pepper stand on your way up the stairs and you start to stumble. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this. I am very sorry I drank coffee to sober up but it didn't work.” She nods “It’s okay we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” You both finally make it to your room and as soon as your head hits the pillow you fall asleep.

When you wake up you are surprised by your surroundings you didn't quite remember how you got here. You sit up and hear chattering downstairs. You go down stairs, the memories of last night making their way to you now. THE AVENGERS HAVING BREAKFAST IN YOUR KITCHEN. You watch as thor brakes your plates making you flinch. “As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm I dont think Y/N would appreciate us breaking her plates.” you clear your throat and as you do everyone goes quiet. “Good Morning everyone.”

[smutty-ki113r]

I will definitely share my experience with you if it makes you feel motivated!!!!!

Now, first of all, it took me a WHILE to finally shift. AND LMFAO THE FIRST TIME I SHIFTED I GOT SCARED AND WENT BACK TO MY CR AND I WAS SO PISSED, but like after a couple more tries I finally was able to shift again and omfg it gave me euphoriaaa I almost didn't want to leave but I love my friends and family in my CR too much.

When I went back to my CR though I was EXHAUSTED, so that's why I recommend taking care of your body and nourishing it correctly before you shift because there's a 99% chance that when you wake up your body will feel like crap if you don't.

The process of shifting was so aggravating, everytime I would try shifting my body would give me the signs that it was working and I would get too excited and just jump up only to be disappointed smhsmh.

Also I have this dumb thing where I always feel like there's tiny things crawling all over me and it always fucks with me when I shift. Even when I'm trying to sleep normally it pisses me off because I'm always feeling likes there's ants on me or some shit.

I honestly don't shift very often, only when I really feel like I want to, because it's really mentally exhausting and when I used to do it often I would end up getting realllyyy depressed when I wasn't in my DR and that's dangerous because I don't want to be obsessed with it and end up damaging myself. So if you do end up shifting, don't do it too often.

Anyway, when I first got into shifting and tried it out, these are things I was doing wrong:

- I wasn't taking care of my body

- I was doubting my abilities in shifting

- I wasn't meditating often

- I wasn't listening to subliminals throughout the day

Listening to subliminals often is importantttt, it helps to really engrave the shifting concept into your mind and meditating is extra important because if you want to shift healthily you're going to have to really give yourself that brain power/strength and clear away all the anxiety you have, the more you doubt your ability the shift the more your brain is going to pass on it.

Also I remember a time I was at a fucking sleepover and I decided to attempt to reality shift AND RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO MY FRIEND WOKE UP AND SLAPPED ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I DIED I-

It was frustrating.

The process is frustrating, but shifting is possible, and if you really really want to do it then you can. Keep encouraging yourself and keep researching and taking care of your body and your brain will finally get there.

Also, while you're in the process, it's also so important to NOT get distracting while you're shifting or get too excited. It will 100% mess you up. Shifting requires intense concentration and you need your body to be completely relaxed, only think about your DR and ONLY think about what will happen when you get there, will you smell or hear something, or will you open your eyes to something, it all depends on how you script it.

Also do whatever method works for you and try all kinds of methods, me personally I used a combination of the raven method, staircase method, and counting method while using a heartbeat subliminal. It may seem like a lot but it's what worked best for me personally.

Anyways, I hope this helped! ^^

👅

OK I finally have time to respond to this in DETAIL YAY! Btw, thank you so sososoosososs much for taking the time to write this out. Also you don’t have to read any of this, it’s just me talking about it lollll.

First off, UPDATE: bro I wasn’t trying to shift last night and then I was tired (3am) so I tried to sleep but couldnt so I listened to (DO NOT LAUGH ISTG) the song of unhealing cause its calming. And I started hearing this sort of muffled noise, I tried paying attention but couldnt make it out so I think it was voices. And then- holy lord I almost lost- wait no I LOST MY SHIT. I heard knocking, a fucking ACTUAL knock, I fucking. My whole body got so hot and I had to stop cause I was so excited I cried. Then I was exhausted so I went to sleep.

SECONDLY. I’ve never heard of your body being exhausted after so thank you for the tip. I used to be convinced I was there and then I wasn’t. FUCKING ME TOO! I think there’s a fucking dust particle on my arm and then an itch on my neck or something.

I have been scared of that too, because I have had (and I feel horrible saying this but it’s the internet and you dunno who I am) a very rough childhood. Maladaptive daydreaming and just pretending I somewhere else gave me a lot of trauma, especially in really bad situations. I think a huge part of why I haven’t shifted yet is because of the existential crisis I will most definitely have. I already obsess enough over this world, and now I’m trying to go? It’s hard, but I can’t NOT do it. If I stop then I won’t have a goal, and if I’m constantly going for something do I have a purpose? SEE? I can’t help it.

Ok so I’ve been trying for a while too, and I AM COMPLETLY CONFIDENT that I can do it, also that I do meditate every day! Taking care of my body is sort of a lost cause, I refuse to eat fruits and vegetivles (stupid I know) but I used to associate “healthy” foods with my *TW* an*rexia. Now I feed off pasta, also cause it’s cheaper. I sleep at 1 or 2am because why. Because I am 1. Writing and I need to post on schedule 2. Listening to music and imagining that I’m already in my dr. Or doing other unholy things. I can’t stop exercising, so Im constantly tired and heavy, I feel bad if I don’t/ do less. I have tried taking care of myself for years, it’s very, very hard.

You’re so right, I need to get the idea in my head and establish it. HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOURE DOING IT? Do you detach from your body? Or do you melt through your skin?

Hehehe I do tend to get excited, but my good voice tries so hard to hold me down. I have been trying to keep myself concentrated in creative ways, just focusing on the sound of the knocking, or the sound of the fan, or the person I’m trying to get to. The person I will fucking push myself to the edge for because I want him to have someone to love him. I want him to be ok.

I know I can do it, I know it’s possible, I know I will do it. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <3

[promise-of-a-lifetime]

4am anxious rambling

i’m really anxious and having a bit of an existential crisis right now so i’m just gonna vent here a little bit wlejnfwlejw hello to everyone who decides to read this ! i’m egg !! i’m trying to figure out what to do but i’m really struggling TwT i don’t have any direction and i’m lost after graduating high school, i did like 2 semesters of first year college before stopping to take a year break to figure out what i want to do. fast forward to now, i’m 24, 6 years post grad, and i’ve been working part-time at fast food for 5 years. i’m trying to look into getting back to school (programs, degrees, etc) but the further i read into this stuff, the more i wanna d word honestly i can’t find anything i want to do, anything that interests me, or anything that i’d be able to succeed in (i truly think there’s nothing i’m good at) i keep thinking to myself, if i just pursued some type of bachelor’s degree when i got right out of high school, i would be searching for a professional job at this point x v x it’s all in the past now, it can’t be changed and i can only mourn for those lost years of opportunity---but i still can’t help but think that if i started early, i would have made something of myself by now what have i been doing? i’ve wasted so much time, i feel like a disappointment to my parents, and i’m having so many regrets and having a crisis about it wlejfnwlejfw

i do understand that it’s never too late to start ! i also know that i shouldn’t pursue a degree just to achieve, that i should do it if i want to, if it will be meaningful to me in the long run since degrees don’t guarantee anything either

what do i like and what makes me happy? i like art but my drawings aren’t worth...anything really. never been commissioned before in my life. i want to try making stickers and enamel pins but i don’t think my art is good enough. so many younger ppl are so much more skilled and i feel like i can’t catch up to them. i regret not making myself learn the fundamentals like anatomy/colour/shade back in hs and now i have to backtrack so much i like to write, as in roleplaying. it’s fun to write out characters and kinda---live vicariously through them? ; v ; i like animals but a vet job is not for me. maybe there’s something i can do in digital media? idk about that either---i thought about animation too, but i don’t think i can do that bc i’m not good at art wlejfnwlj since working at my fast food job, ppl have told me i have a nice voice so i wonder if i’d be able to do something with it? like narrating? could i ever be a voice actor? lol i think my hands look nice...i wondered about being a hand model. i also thought about doing something with video games? but i don’t think i’m smart enough i thought about writing a book about the heartbreak i went through in my teenage years (that is still ongoing now tbh). but would anyone read it? anime makes me happy T v T  so i like haikyuu a lot right? and my mind just went on a tangent, ‘what if you started playing volleyball when you were younger?’ and like---not that i ever wanted to be a pro sports player or anything but my mind was like ‘what if you did that and pursued it, you could’ve become a professional athlete but now it’s too late’ i guess it freaks me out thinking about stuff like that---of an opportunity squashed and out of reach forever bc i didn’t start early enough. but i’m also here squashing my self-worth and my capabilities. i fear failure so much. i keep thinking i’ll fail when i haven’t even tried yet. so yeah i’m going through a crisis aha wlejfnlwejfw  i just...want to be happy TwwT want to make my parents proud. want to be successful and doing something i enjoy. i want to make myself proud but i’ve always felt like i’m worthless wahhh i’m so, so sorry for wasting your time if you read this far ;ww; but if you did, thank you so much for listening to me for a little while. if anyone has any advice to offer, pls IM me !! i could use all the help i can get qwq