#i think im being written up rn
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hate myself by the way
#had a pancu attack last night#and then crashed out so hard i missed my alarms for work#so now im here an hour late and i know what people think about me#i know it#i hate myself so much#i think im being written up rn#awesome#yeah well fuck them anyway theyre fucking me over with position and hours#i dont know#i probably shouldnt be at work for the next 8 hours#oh wsit 7* lol#i want to be screaming crying throwing up
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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FUCK what I said about the majority of significant changes to dialogue in Re:CoM being to adjust Axel's characterization, the most egregious change is actually this
(GBA CoM)
(Re:CoM)
if I had to guess, the reason for this change was because in GBA CoM, The Superior was a spooky, unknown being at the head of this Organization we had very little knowledge on, and for Vexen, the guy who runs his mouth constantly about how much better he is than the others, to be terrified of him, he must be some pretty scary dude. But then after kh2 we know him, it's Xemnas, he's very dramatic, he likes to talk to the moon, and the effect of your mind filling in the gaps about what "The Superior" must be like is gone. So it wasn't really necessary anymore, right?
(rest under cut because it's long)
Except... the way they changed it is so weird. In the GBA version, what's happening is pretty clear:
Marluxia tells Vexen that his project is a failure
Vexen demonstrates that he does not give a shit about Marluxia's opinion
he does care very much about The Superior's opinion, though, and Marluxia uses this to blackmail him into eliminating Sora- an action which is nonsensical, as the entire point of what they're doing needs Sora alive, making it clear to everyone in the room that he is deliberately sending Vexen to die
and then after that, when Vexen shows up to fight Sora, he goes "if you want to fight me for real you've gotta do it in the memories from the other side of your heart lol bye" and Sora goes "huh? other side?" and then it cuts to a scene on the top floor:
and then this gets more into subtext but here, Vexen has realized he's totally fucked and his only hope is to mess directly with Marluxia's plans (well, they were the Organization's plans, but it's pretty obvious by now Marluxia's abusing his power for his own purposes) by giving Sora more information than he should know. This does get the traitor gang worried enough to send Axel to go kill him (as opposed to just letting Sora take care of him, which was presumably the original plan)- he very specifically cuts Vexen off to keep him from saying too much (this is retained between the original and the remake)
Anyway, what happens in Re:CoM sort of follows the same order of events, but everything is changed slightly in a way that just makes things more confusing.
Marluxia tells Vexen his project is a failure and Vexen demonstrates that he doesn't give a shit about Marluxia's opinion, as before
Marluxia threatens Vexen with a weapon, rather than threatening to tell the Superior
this, notably, does not seem to faze Vexen very much. he continues to run his mouth while having the scythe pointed at him.
Xemnas is still leveraged- Marluxia points out it was the Superior who entrusted him with the castle
...even though reasonably Vexen would already be aware of this, and has still demonstrated that he has zero respect for Marluxia despite it
the lines about betraying the Organization being a capital crime are retained, probably because it's super relevant later, but then that line of thinking is abandoned in favor of Marluxia and Larxene just taunting Vexen instead
The part where Marluxia says "do it. you won't" could be seen as a sort of threat... if not for Axel's line: "You give a challenge like that to Vexen and he'll seriously want to eliminate Sora." It frames it all as though Vexen went to fight Sora out of some sort of pride.
And look, Vexen may have a temper and a superiority complex, but he's not stupid. They're obviously baiting him. Plus, what happened to him seeing himself as above the others and countering things he doesn't like with "well actually I'm higher ranked than you and also you're an idiot"? Is he that insecure in his fighting capabilities? I could deal with characterization changes doing him dirty if it didn't also make no sense in the context of the plot.
So now we have Vexen going to try to kill Sora, something that really makes no sense to do, out of pride. What was the purpose of sending Sora to Twilight Town? Also pride, over the fact that he managed to get that information? Giving the writing the benefit of the doubt, I could say that these nonsensical actions can be explained as evidence that Nobodies can have hearts and people with hearts do strange and rash things, but that just feels like a reach, which is bad because what they had in GBA CoM worked perfectly fine and made sense without any reaching for the "idk emotions make you do strange things" explanation.
It continues. After Vexen gives Sora the Twilight Town card in Re:CoM and Sora wonders about what the "other side" means, this is that version of the conversation the top floor members have:
...what? "If Sora disappears, that would mess up the Organization's plans"? what are you worried about? the only reason Sora would disappear is if Vexen killed him. there's no way they think Vexen being in Twilight Town would give him an advantage, right? they know he's a pathetic fighter. "Vexen has clearly committed a treasonous act against the Organization" HOW? HOW IS IT CLEAR? they don't express any worry about Sora learning too much, up until Axel says "I came to stop you from talking too much" when killing Vexen- and that being there makes it seem like they were worried about Sora learning to much, but if that's the case, why would they replace the perfectly serviceable lines in the above scene? it's just... baffling that they would want to lean into the narrative that Vexen going to kill Sora (which he'd been goaded into doing) is the problem here, because it just makes so little sense compared to what it was originally.
once again giving them the benefit of the doubt: Marluxia's real plan was to take over the Organization, and he saw an easy way to pick off one of the members, so he took it. the motive for stopping Vexen doesn't actually matter.
buuuuut it's the same as with Vexen earlier. Marluxia may be too self-absorbed and power-hungry to notice Axel is scheming against him, but he, too, is an intelligent man. he's plotted for a while, getting into Xemnas's good graces in order to be put in charge of the Castle. this is incredibly sloppy for him. I guess it could be said that getting so close to his goal would make him sloppy, but again, if they'd just left things the way they were in GBA CoM, I wouldn't even have to be saying this
in conclusion: GBA Chain of Memories' intra-Organization strife subplot is so tightly woven with calculated moves on all sides that Re:CoM changing certain things without taking into consideration the consequences makes certain parts of the plot fall flat and become far more confusing than in the original story
#kingdom hearts#kh#chain of memories#kh com#vexen#axel#axel kh#marluxia#larxene#the inevitable re:com comparison tag#conclusion 2: go play gba chain of memories right now !!!!!#me post#concocting a counterargument in my head rn about how emphasizing the humanity of the organization through their nonsensical actions is#a good thing#gba com leaned into how fucked up they are- kh2 showed us the rest of them- re:com backpedaled to give them a shred of humanity#see also: lexaeus's death differences between gba com and re:com#however#1. i believe making a kingdom hearts game make less sense on purpose is not a good choice due to its reputation of#already being incomprehensible#chain of memories is one of the easier plots to understand!#2. im not convinced it was on purpose. i think the only intentional one was axel saying he really was enjoying himself#and that this specific thing spawned from what i said about xemnas no longer being a spooky mystery#lexaeus's death scene change on the other hand was actually a change in characterization#and since it wasn't wrapped up in the nightmare 5d chess that this thing was it worked fine#3. if they wanted to show us the humanity of the chain of memories crew then they should've let them survive a little longer in 358/2 days#like. we don't know for sure how long end of kh1 -> start of com actually took. that was decided in Days#kh2 we saw a little humanity in all of its organization members but that's because there were lots of themes of nobodies and humanity there#days was extremely heavy on “hey these guys are all people”#but chain of memories' org members were written to introduce us to a group of extremely powerful and clever manipulators#changing that to add a little more humanity sacrifices some of the writing quality because they didn't commit to it
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do you write fic on ao3?
unfortunately for everyone involved i do!
#ask#and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash#anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know#its not like im trying to hide it like eh#but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either#the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt#and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on#haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box#and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3#SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one#ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky#because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically#and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress#because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october#that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros#rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from#“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl#and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane#slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic#anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority#anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon#because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3
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i miss organizing lol
#im in a place of nothing rn#txt#thinking about the guy who said the days after the GM sit down strike were the loneliest days of his life#thinking also about waking up in the encampment on the green covered in dew as the sunrise turned the sky bright bright red#and the feeling of it never being enough but at least it was something#thinking about casting my ballot for the ifcw vote#or working on city permit paperwork#or unfolding the piece of paper from my jacket pocket with my speech written on it#laying on the ground in front of the county jail with hundreds of others including my mom#i mean dont get me wrong its hard as fuck and i got so burnt out from it but like#whateverrrrr idec#running across the parking lot from cops on horseback#oh and dont forget alienating friends and bothering classmates :)
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New chapter out 😎😎😎
#geronimo stilton#thea sisters#fanfiction#werewolf au#it's a little over three thousand words#I mayyy have gotten a bit carried away#i think it's the longest chapter to date? idk im too lazy to do a word count#anyways im very happy w/ the amount of thea sisters fics that are being written rn#it feels like a fanfic renaissance#also: i haven't been responding to comments but that's just because i'm worried i'll do an accidental spoiler#i know me i'd slip up somewhere
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finally catching up with bsd after one hell of a month (+ midterms) 🫠
#bsd spoilers#updates for ep 2 :3#right off the bat all i can just say is fukuchi is such a well-written villain; while i can’t completely emphathize with his plan yet#i have to applaud him (uh and asagiri too) bc that’s quite a villain to fear—he’s already in a position of power that puts him in a major#advantage compared to the ada; it’s like he masterminded this whole thing to lead up to this but WHY (idk if i just forgot)#point and case: i hate him and im always terrified of his next move but damn he’s such a well-written antagonist i can’t even 🤐#ATSUSHI GET OFF THAT FUCKING BOAT RN WHY DID IT HAPPEN SO EARLY INTO THE SEASON IM CRY WAIT NO#fukuchi pointing out that ranpo is just jealous that he and fukuzawa way back is just so adorable made me forget what happens next haha#how come i dont remember these cute moments from the manga 😩#god im stalling so much :(( i hate it i hate it i hate it#the reveal was so… he should’ve deducted this shit sooner (objectively the build up was so nice hsjdhdj)#MY JAW DROPPED THEN AND IT STILL HAPPENED NOW :)))))#ok fukuchi in his complete villain mode is kinda 😗#watching this after being detached to bsd in general is so much better bc i can now appreciate the whole thing as is without much bias???#THE WAY HE JUST TURNED COLD ALL OF A SUDDEN AND I OOP— 😗😗😗😗😗#oh both canon and beast atsushi and their paralyzing fears :(( my heart actually hurts#ATSUSHI THINKING HE’S ALONE ANDDDDDD#OH MY GOD I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE MY SSKK#I CANT WATCH THE NEXT EPISODE#toff.txt
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" are you still angry with me ? " \ klee
STARTER ACCEPTED FROM: The Sound of Nightmares!
If there was one thing ALBEDO never expected from KLEE, it would be this question. Sure, there may be easier ways to answer it without hurting a child's heart, but he knew that this was coming from something else.
Still, how could she ask him of that? He couldn't bring himself to fathom such a possibility, especially since...
... No, he can't say that. Not to KLEE. Not to anyone, lest he would make things worse.
"I'm not mad, KLEE," he told the younger child, kneeling to her level. Raising his hand, he gently brushed it on her head, giving her a few pats so to prove his point. "I couldn't be mad at you. You know that, do you?"
He can't bring himself to, even with the amount of trouble she caused. After all, she brings joy in his life, even if they weren't related in any sense of the word.
(He'd have ALICE to thank, as much as her explosive tendencies can go.)
"Why would you think that? Did someone else tell you that I'm angry?" he asked her, his smile still present, but he was simply keeping a front. If anyone had told her that he was angry at whatever she did...
Perhaps... It would be wise that she doesn't see his less than friendly side. He'd hate to have KLEE emulate his example in dealing with people like it, even if it wasn't his 'style'.
#written by albedo... ⟡#currently experimenting with poswiecenia... ⟡#traveler poswiecenia... ⟡#;; OH THIS TOOK DAYS IM SO SORRY FOR NOT ANSWERING#;; head in hands#;; istg this one took me out when i first saw it cause i legit went 'OH. OH /MILES/'#;; klee asking that like Albedo can be mad @ her HAIUHDFRI head in hands#;; sorry give him time. hes trying to think of why he'd hate her#;; except if its blowing up fish then hes just exasperated BAHAHAHAHA#;; albedo rn being all 'if someone else said it im gonna kill them'
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Hiii!! I just wanted to check up on you. How are you feeling? Are you doing ok? I hope you are taking care of yourself and able to enjoy the holiday as much as you can. Thinking of you ❤️
hii lovely
life has kinda quieted down some? which is good and things are going okay when im not frustrated with the rest of my family (feels like im the only one whos rly... being a caretaker at all...) but im just kinda taking it one day at a time rn
ty for checking in <3 i hope u get to spend the holiday happily as well <3
#wooahaes.ask#completely-zoned-out#ive barely been writing lately and i think im more frustrated over That than anything else#just bc its always been my outlet ykno? so not being able to do it is just.... hnnghghgh#i did get the 25 + 31 fics written and ill schedule em#maybe i can get a couple other days done and posted if i feel up to it? idk#i honestly nearly pulled the plug on them entirely like 'i dont think i can do this' but im glad i kinda just let myself have time n space#to work as i please p much since i think that helped a lot more than i thought it would#sorry abt the wonu fic when it gets posted its... definitely affected by my life rn. obvs nothing has happened Yet#but it does like. ykno. pull from it a liiiiil bit
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yk no one really talks about the ending glitch thing (from what ive seen) in f and c like yeah its a whole blink and you miss it type thing but the implications !!!!
more in tags
#like ive seen two ppl bring it up so far and get very little notes so sad#this is why im writing a pwish fic or well trying really hard to and idk if it even classifies as that#fionna and cake spoilers#okay so basically the idea is scarab and prismo whole roomate sitch blah blah blah scarab has been avoiding looking at prismo. like basical#y ignoring due to being mad and embarrassed then either smth brings attention to the glitching or scarab notices it and its like whu huh ?#bam prject prismo gone now its og pris and scarab is freaking the fuck out and has to figure out how to deal#then to the meat its gonna be like getting to know each other better backstory stuff and like figuring out what is going on while trying to#keep like the wishmaster position lookinh normal like nothings wrong or smth w/ the big boss#its all notes rn and i haven’t written fic in the longest but !!! i think it should be touched on more#prismo#scarab#yeah thats all im tagging ughh im so busy though idk if ill be able to even write the dang thing#i want to though 🫵 thats the important biz#mielmbles#prismo could die also like idk i got a bunch of steps and dialogue written#now the actual real question is if ill share the fic or just preserve it in my notebook like the other ones
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Walked out of work today bc long story short a guest decided that she was gonna lecture me/use me & my "abhorrent, disrespectful attitude" as an example of a lesson for one of her student & I decided that standing there & being belittled wasn't worth it
#i only gave her back the disrespect she was giving me. not even as bad as she was dishing either#granted i couldve kept my composure but also she was up at the desk for 45 minutes making a mountain out of a molehill#& among other things in her ''lecture'' she told me that if any of her students or employees acted the way i did they'd be dismissed & fire#she said ''post covid there are PLENTY of people who would be lucky & LOVE to have any work right now'' & i thought#yknow. i love my job. but i dont deserve this. this isnt worth it#so i turned to the food & beverage manager who was the only MOD & said ''actually i think i will go home''#i called my AGM after i left & let her know the whole situation. even told her i understand if im fired or written up bc of this but its no#worth standing there & being lectured & having this lady lie to my face about things i said/did. i dont deserve to be treated like that#the woman really told me ''this couldve been a teachable moment for you'' LMAO lady i will let a LOT of shit slide#but i refuse to be the subject of your lesson & i certainly dont get paid enough to have anyone who isnt management lecture me#it just feels weird though. ive never walked out before. never spotainiously taken the night off. never had a situation like this before#it feels weird having left & it feels weird sitting in my bed trying to enjoy my night when my brain knows im supposed to be at work rn#oh well#my AMG said im definetly not fired & she'll talk to the lady in the morning. i couldnt care less if i was though. theres always other jobs#and to preface i even apologized to the woman both for my behavior & the disrespect. yet she still felt like making an example of me#what a week its been#emma rambles#emma vents#2023 tag
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Brain is rotating between depressing but bittersweet post-trimax one-shot, current wip chapter of itnl, playful horny Sentido sequel one-shot, and violent bloody itnl times to be had sooner than you think
Like the barrel of a gun. Click click click click spinning round and round. Which one am I gonna land on? Only time will tell.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i did start writing chapter 14 today. finally.#like barely but it's a start.#but ive also been thinking about the post-trimax oneshot i wrote the intro for a month ago & havent written any since#but ALSO im thinking about smut. which i plan to write itnl side stories when that shit comes up#but it's gonna Be A While & i could theoretically do the sentido sequel oneshot WHENEVER i want#ive been waiting for ww to officially be in itnl so hes alive again. b4 i go back to sentido.#but i still have a while and i wanna write smut NOW!!!!!!!!#these 2 make me wanna start Chewing i swear#i also started thinking about blood. specifically vash covered in it.#which yeaaa yeaaa we have seen that already. kind of. but thats not the blood i want to see on him.#there's a difference between his blood and someone else's blood. his blood on him is natural. common. expected.#he's fine with it bc he's so fucking used to it.#now someone Else's blood? that's not as common. he avoids it at all cost. not bc of the blood itself#but rather its existence signifies his failure. to keep someone safe. to keep someone alive.#for him to be covered in someone else's blood he has to fail quite badly. and Boy do i have some immanent plans for that >:3c#all in all i am feeling Profoundly unhinged tonight. but in a creative sort of way.#unfortunately i dont have a brain for writing rn so none of it is being done. but i will do Something... later.#hopefully tomorrow. we'll see!
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#had an okay writing day for my thesis yesterday and it was a rly nice day overall and then idk. rsd hit i guess and#i went to sleep way too late so ofc today i've been feeling foggy and i haven't written a word and it's 6pm like..............#makes me feel like i wasted the work i did yesterday and i should've gone to my grandpa's bday celebrations yday#even though that didn't feel viable. he sure made me feel like shit for missing it too!#it just feels like see i could've gone and done yday's work today or some shit which ?? but sure#i just know myself and im p unbearable to be around rn/when im stressed/on a deadline so yk. + travel time + adjusting plus socialising...#also had a long talk w/ my friends yday and it was nice and it was all about how you experience consciousness but also idk.#also i keep being so sharp and kinda mean to one of my friends and it's sooooooooo she says it's fine and it's not that bad but ughhhhhhh#im sure the core of this spiral is i just rly don't like myself and i think im right not to so like. what now#and none of this even matters like. get it toGETHER#also adhd meds aren't magically fixing my life so that's another scam (but ok they DO help at least i can actually write and think then)#anyways.#i think it's. feeling this & hating myself and my friend talking about how they're past that and life is still hard for them#and it's not about me but it does make me feel stupid like true all my problems are self-made not even circumstancial like.#also feel like i keep saying the wrong thing to people and i keep messing up my words lately and boooooooo idk#anyways im ok i just don't wanna moan abt this to anyone specifically but clearly im stuck so yk?#should i share more nice moments here too??? i just always feel like whatever emotion im feeling disappears when i share it so???#maybe bc i overthink it then or whatever#but i can!! maybe i should#for yday: had a rly rly fun convo with a friend who gave me the wildest updates ever + spent time with 2 of my best friends#+ smelled the flowers and that v v specific spring to summer air and felt the sun on my face#FINE maybe therapists have a point
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ohhhhhhhh i love when im writing and you realise that you've set up something great without even meaning to and you're like YES this is the perfect place for this
#shut up danni's talking#locked out#i had a revelation when i did my weekly swim today#i hope this scene works well i'm deffo gonna have to work on it a lot tho to fine tune it#another wonderful thing is that w this chapter i have officially broken through the word count vs my previous longest fic#god im so happy rn#i can't wait to post it but i still need to post the chapter before it awlrjawrlk#im gonna wait until i've written the whole sports festival to post it tho i think#not entirely sure#i'm done w the first two events now its the third one#not sure if that'll end up being one chapter or two
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im just saying watching the original WWDITS movie or even the first season of the series and then jumping to the most recent episode feels like worlds away from what was maybe intended at the start of the show
#im ngl im Not the biggest fan of the like...#office parody#??#its like. if i wanted the office id go watch the office#but i wanted to see these dudes be vampires lol#not a shittier parody of an already shitty show#like. we had so many cool plot possibilities open up just to get shut down either the following episode or the end of the same episode#guillermo vampire hunter? while dreaming so hard of being a vampire?#idk i think theres ways they could have written the “guillermo just wants to be normal now” arc better than what theyre doing rn#i couldnt give a fuck about the office parody Or the b plot with laszlo and his neighbor that they scrambled#its just gotten so lackluster to me and once again: guillermo gets the shit stick#however! nandors characterization is going interestingly?#yearning for guillermo but not wanting to be in his way anymore#and guillermo still clearly cares about him#i liked that part!!!#but the general parody of the office... could have been anything else....
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