#i think i’ll still do it for some attacks
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desperate-gay · 2 days ago
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Kristie mewis x reader panic attack or maybe a little relapse with reader and Kristie is there as her girlfriend .
Safe With You
Kristie Mewis x fem!reader
summary: during a girls’ night out, you encounter someone you never thought you’d see again, triggering a panic attack. Your best friend Kristie helps you through it and later helps reveal true feelings
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“Ooo, this one right here!” Kelley yells, pointing out the downtown club. Some of the gotham girls, along with you, decided it was a beautiful night out and since you didn’t have any responsibilities the next day, it was a perfect time to go out.
“How many more do you think we’re gonna go to?” You ask, leaning over to Kristie’s ear so no other pondering friends can listen in.
“Let’s hope this will be the last.” Kristie huffs, wrapping her arm around your shoulder and dragging you along with the group.
None of the girls are drunk but most are definitely tipsy. You have only had about two and a half drinks within the past couple of hours, so you’re not feeling any effects while Kristie has only had three.
Kelley is the most drunk out of everyone, even the younglings, and when Kelley is drunk, she never wants to stop partying. Many of the girls are not protesting considering this is the first free day they have had in weeks, especially Ali with having to take care of her kids.
The group finds a table somewhat in the corner of the bar, and a few of the girls go to the bar to order drinks. Kristie and you both sit on the high-top chairs across from Midge and Jenna. Kristie and Midge are in a heated discussion on what’s the best way to style and take care of your eyebrows while you and Jenna watch them with amused smiles.
Suddenly, a prickling at the back of your neck makes you turn around and flit your gaze nervously across the crowded room, almost as if a sudden fog made its way into the bar. As much as you look, you can’t seem to find anything out of the ordinary.
Relief washes over your face when Lynn arrives with hands full of drinks, sparking cheers around the table. Sure you haven’t drank much yet, but that just gives you reason to drink more now. Once you get a hold of your drink, you begin to take multiple large gulps, shocking the girls around you.
“Damn girl, the drink isn’t going anywhere.” Lynn teases while the other girls laugh along.
Kristie just stares at you in bewilderment, not being used to this side of you. You blush under everyone’s gaze and look around the dance floor to try and remove the unwanted attention.
Within minutes, many of the girls are pulled onto the dance floor, leaving you with Kristie and Midge at the table.
“How about you? What was the last date you had?” Midge asks you since you’re the only one who hasn’t shared. You shift a little uncomfortably at the two girl’s stares, especially one being your best friend who you have grown attracted to within the past year.
“Umm, it was a blind date set up by my friend a few months ago. He was sweet and all, but I just didn’t see it going anywhere.” You shrug, taking another sip of your drink.
“What did he do? Profession wise.” Midge wonders, intrigued by your love life you barely share any detail about.
“A lawyer.”
“So let me get this straight. He was sweet, a lawyer, and a good friend of your friend. Was he ugly?”
“No, he wasn't ugly at all, it’s just, I don’t know honestly.” You exhale, rubbing your hands on the glass cup sitting on the table.
“There has so got to be more to that story, but I’ll let you off the hook. For now.” Midge teases with a daunting glare directed at you.
You didn’t even realize how silent the blonde next to you had become. You couldn’t say the real reason as to why the blind date didn’t become a second one when the reason is sitting next to you. Around the time of the date, you began to feel new feelings about your best friend, and you’re still trying to depict them.
“You never told me about that date.” Kristie states, finally speaking up.
“I didn’t think it was that important.” You say, tensing your shoulders up subconsciously at the scene. Kristie just hums, not believing you for a second but deciding to let it go.
Soon Kelley returns to the table, drunk and ditsy, claiming everyone is such party poopers. You all roll your eyes at the girl but chuckle, and soon the blonde next to you is dragged by Kelley to the dance floor.
Kristie looks at you with pleading eyes as her arm is getting tugged off, begging for you to get her out of it, but you just shrug with an entertained smile. You notice the midfielder lipping something at you with a glare, but you’re too tipsy to understand.
“So, about that lawyer.” You laugh at the younger girl’s persistence, shaking your head with a disbelief look.
“Midgey, like I told you-”
That’s when you hear it. That booming, raspy laugh just a few feet away from you. You thought you’d never have to hear that ugly sound ever again, but of course, you’re proven wrong.
You slowly turn around, and when you do, you catch eyes with someone you haven’t seen since Boston College. His sinister smirk stretches across his face as he takes a sip of his beer, eyeing you up while the fear in your eyes grows.
Pins and needles spread through your limbs, leaving you numb. The glass in your hand feels distant, as if it belongs to someone else. Your ears become muffled, blocking Midge’s worried calls out for you. And then your heartbeat. It starts to speed up five times its usual pace, causing your breathing to match its fast rate.
“Midge, what’s going on?” Ali asks, having come back to rest from all the dancing.
“I have no clue, one second we were talking and the next we weren’t.” Midge furrows her eyebrows with a worried expression, trying to figure out how to help.
“Here, help me take her outside.” Ali demands, continuing to try and grab your attention and ask if it’s okay if she touches you.
When you don’t answer, Ali softly touches your arm and when you don’t react, she wraps your arm around her shoulder to support your weight. Midge wraps her arms around your midsection once Ali stands you up, and you can’t even feel either touch.
The girls get you so close until you suddenly become deadweight in the corner of the bar, dragging the two girls down with you so you don’t get injured. Your knees curl up to your chin, and your arms wrap around your legs. Your whole body feels like TV static, numbing your mind along with it.
“What do we do? She’s clearly panicking!” Midge begins to freak out, becoming extremely worried at your state, watching tears run down your wide eyes.
“Go get Kristie.”
“What?”
“Go grab Kristie! Now, Midge!” Ali doesn’t mean to yell, but she’s not sure how long you’ll go without passing out. Midge nods her head determinedly and runs onto the dance floor through the sweaty bodies to find the midfielder.
You never thought you’d run into that pathetic excuse of a man again. The beginning of your relationship was great sophomore year, but then it began to grow more tense. Arguing about the future, miscommunications, and disagreements turned into pushes, then slaps, and finally full-on punches.
It took you getting a concussion to finally put an end to what was happening. Kristie was there from the beginning, constantly trying to get you to move in with her and leave him, but you just couldn’t. Despite the abuse, you felt as if he still loved you.
Then a few months after the breakup came the stalking and threatening. He would follow you to classes, work, and even practices just to scare you. Along with that, we would make burner accounts and threaten to lie to the dean to get you kicked from school, and show explicit photos to your friends and family.
It took Kristie speaking up for you to finally file a restraining order. Ever since then, you haven’t seen or heard a peep from the man.
“What’s going on!” Kristie’s voice cuts through the loud air, approaching your curled-up body.
“We don’t know.” Midge admits, biting her lip anxiously at the scene of Kristie trying everything to get your attention.
“Well, what the hell happened!” Kristie’s voice raises, absolutely terrified at the state you're in and wanting to do whatever she can to get you out of it.
“One second we were talking and then the next she looked around and went into this!”
“Looked around?”
The midfielder quickly glances around the room, attempting to follow in your footsteps, and that’s when she sees it. More like sees him. That same smug smirk she remembers seeing years ago.
“Kriegs, I need you to go grab security. Quickly.” Without any hesitation, Ali runs to look for bouncers while Kristie turns her glare from the man over to you with a softened look.
Your eyes are looking everywhere and nowhere all at once. They’re moving yet you can’t focus or see a thing, but when you hear that familiar soothing voice, your vision begins to unblur.
“There you are.” The blonde states, watching your gaze finally make contact with hers.
Within seconds, your breathing begins to slow, reverting back to its original pace as soon as it can, helping your body relax and unnumb. Just the sound of Kristie’s voice and the soft touch of her hand have helped tremendously, although you aren’t in the clear.
Your breaths have slowed down from before but it’s still rapid compared to the normal rate, and most of your body remains dizzy.
“What can I help you with, ma’am?” The bouncer asks, approaching you two with Ali right next to him.
“I need you to get that man out of here.” Kristie demands, pointing to the cause of all this chaos.
“We can’t kick him out without cause. We haven’t heard any complaints.” The man asserts with furrowed brows, but Kristie doesn’t seem to take it.
“Is a restraining order enough? Escort him out or I will, sir.”
Many of the girls who have now gathered around, not too close to overwhelm you, eyes widened with impressed looks and smiles as they watch the bouncer scram to escort him out.
“Wow. Don’t wanna mess with Kristie and her girl.” Nealy mumbles to a nodding Jenna.
Meanwhile, you’re finally making progress on being able to talk, hear, and breathe normally. A lot of your body remains tingly along with weakness, but the blonde girl alongside you helps you with everything.
“Here she is.” Kristie murmurs softly, her voice cutting through the haze in your mind like sunlight breaking through a curtained window. Her steady tone anchors you, and your frantic gaze finally meets hers.
“You’re okay, you’re safe. I’m right here.” She calmly says, her touch is gentle but firm, hands rubbing slow, deliberate circles on your arms.
Your chest heaves as you fight to regain control of your breathing, each inhale catching like a hiccup in your throat. But her words, her presence, they’re a lifeline. Slowly, the static buzzing in your body begins to fade, replaced by a dull ache and a tingling warmth where her hands rest on your arms.
“That’s it.” Kristie encourages, her eyes locked on yours. “Breathe with me, okay? In and out.”
You nod shakily, mimicking her deep breaths. Your lungs still feel tight, but the rhythm she sets calms the chaos in your chest. Gradually, the room sharpens around you; the distant thrum of music, the faint chatter of the girls nearby. It’s overwhelming, but Kristie keeps your focus tethered to her.
“There you go.” she says when your breathing finally steadies. “You’re doing so good, honey.”
Your heart stumbles at her words, warmth spreading through your chest despite the lingering fear. You manage a small nod, though the effort feels monumental.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper, your voice hoarse and shaky. “I don’t know what happened. I saw him, and-”
“Stop, you don’t have to explain right now. It’s not your fault.” Kristie interrupts gently, shaking her head.
“She’s right, Y/n. None of this is your fault.” Midge steps closer, her face lined with concern.
You exhale shakily, the pressure in your chest lightening as you take in their words. Slowly, with Kristie’s help, you rise to your feet. Your legs wobble, lightheadedness threatening to pull you down again, but her arm is already around your waist, holding you steady.
“Easy, I’ve got you.” She says softly, her steady grip grounding you.
Her closeness, the protective strength in her touch, is almost too much to bear. Your cheeks flush a deep red, and you glance away, hiding the way her presence affects you. But Kristie notices, of course she does. Her hand lingers on your waist as her gaze searches yours.
“How about we head home, yeah?” The older girl suggests with a small smile.
“Yeah.”
When Kristie suggested going home, you both decided to just stay over at her apartment. It was close and for some reason comfier than yours in your opinion.
The midfielder was quick to offer you her clothes to sleep in which included a t-shirt and shorts. You were so relieved to take off the tight pants you had on along with your bra that felt like it was pushing your breasts all the way into your back.
You’re both cuddled together on the couch watching some sitcom on the TV. Cuddling isn’t new to you two, but ever since you realized your feelings for the older girl, your chest tightens and your cheeks flush whenever she gets this close.
Within minutes you’re asleep on the blonde’s chest, your cheek resting on her grey sweater and hair splattered across your face. Kristie is not too far behind, having soothed herself to sleep by threading her nails through the top of your head while the show in the background plays lightly.
The night passes in a peaceful blur, and when morning comes, sunlight streams through the window, warming your face. You squint against the brightness, groaning softly as you blink yourself awake. The warmth of Kristie’s arm draped over you lingers, grounding you in the moment, but you still try to sit up as well as you can without waking the girl.
“Good morning, beautiful.” Kristie rasps, her voice low and husky from sleep, with a sleepy grin spreading across her face as she stretches her arms over her head.
If you were half asleep before, you sure as hell aren’t now. The sound of her morning voice, paired with the pet name, sends a shiver down your spine. You’re not used to this side of her, so confident, so close. It makes your pulse race in ways you’re not sure you can control.
Kristie immediately notices the change in your posture despite only being up for a few minutes. She slowly sits up next to you, watching the side of your face and observing your reaction to her getting closer to you. When you turn, you slightly jump having not actually seen her move up close to you.
“Hi.” You manage a shaky smile, your heart still racing from the sudden closeness.
“Hi.” The girl’s lips curl into a soft grin, her blue eyes flickering between yours as if searching for something unspoken. The way she leans closer makes your breath hitch.
A new tension rises between you two as you both stare at one another with longing eyes, wanting so much more but not making a move. You don’t want to pull away. Maybe this is when something can happen between you two, but you’re too afraid to make the first move.
Suddenly, Kristie’s voice breaks the air with something unexpected.
“Please tell me to stop if I’m doing something you don’t want or like.”
Your breath catches in your throat as her words hang in the air. Kristie’s voice is quiet, almost hesitant, but there’s a certainty in her tone that makes your pulse quicken once again. Her gaze remains locked on yours, searching for any sign of hesitation.
You should say something. Anything. But all you can do is stare at her, your heart pounding in your chest like it’s trying to escape, too nervous to do something wrong.
“Kristie.” You finally whisper, unsure of where the courage to speak comes from.
Her name falls from your lips like a plea, and that’s all the confirmation she seems to need. Slowly, carefully, she closes the small space between you.
Her hand brushes against yours, the touch featherlight, as if she’s giving you the chance to pull away. You don’t. Instead, your fingers curl slightly, brushing hers in return.
“Is this okay?” She asks softly, voice trembling just enough to betray her own nerves.
“Yeah. It’s more than okay.” You nod, barely able to speak.
A small smile tugs at her lips before she leans in, her forehead resting lightly against yours. Her breath is warm against your skin, and you swear the world outside her apartment melts away. It’s just you and her now, caught in this fragile, perfect moment.
Her hand lifts to your cheek, her thumb tracing the crevices of your skin. The touch sends shivers down your spine, and for the first time, you realize just how much you’ve wanted this. Just how much you’ve been concealing these emotions.
And then, finally, she kisses you.
It’s gentle at first, her lips brushing against yours like a question, but when you don’t pull away, when you kiss back, it deepens. Your hands find their way to her shoulders repositioning and anchoring yourself to her as her fingers tangle in your hair.
Time slows. The sitcom that played throughout the night fades into white noise. All you can feel is her warmth, her touch, and the way she makes you feel like the center of the universe.
When she finally pulls back, her cheeks are flushed, and her grin is sheepish.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while.” She admits, her voice barely above a whisper.
You laugh softly, your own face warm.
“Me too.”
For the first time in what feels like forever, the tension between you two isn’t uncertainty. It’s the start of something new.
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cosmowgyral · 11 hours ago
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"Love during Cleaning Time"
▪︎ Gilbert von Obsidian
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This is a fan translation so please don't expect it to be 100% accurate. Creative liberties have been taken. All content belongs to Cybird. Reblogs are appreciated. Hope you enjoy!
~chapter 4
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Gilbert: What is it, little rabbit?
I grabbed Gilbert’s hand that was resting on my cheek.
Emma: Even so, I want to thank you.
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Gilbert: …..
Gilbert: You never listen, do you?
Emma: Thank you for accepting it.
Gilbert: I’ll forgive you for your evil deeds.
Emma: …It may be an outrageous thing for me to say, but…
Emma: I guess the most important thing is how I perceive the incident now, isn’t it?
Letting go of his cold hand, I picked up the report that Gilbert was holding.
The entire incident may be frightening to some.
(Even I wouldn’t have been able to accept it so easily in the past.)
Emma: If Michael hadn’t been there, I would have been attacked by bandits.
Emma: It would have been one thing if they just stole the books, but in the worst case scenario, I might have died.
Emma: No matter the circumstances, I was saved by you.
Emma: Whether it was malice or benevolence, that’s for me to decide.
Gilbert: ……
Emma: Moreover, I’ve come to love you now, Gil.
Emma: Maybe it’s difficult to see it as malicious like before.
(Gilbert warns me like this from time to time to help me maintain my sanity.)
(…..I think he’s quite fair.)
Gilbert: Heehee, such a poor thing.
Gilbert: But, I’m glad you don’t hate me for that.
(……….)
Gilbert gently brushed my hand away and stood up.
Gilbert: We should stop chatting for now.
Gilbert: Emma, you can throw that away.
Emma: Even though it was kept so securely?
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Gilbert: Yeah, I don’t need it anymore.
Gilbert: The poor little rabbit is now directly under the supervision of the great villain.
(I see.)
(………..)
(Even though I have become Gilbert’s fiancée, I haven’t been able to fully understand what’s inside his heart.)
(But….I think I know what he’s thinking at this very moment.)
Emma: Gil
I put the report on the shelf and ran towards Gilbert and hugged him.
Gilbert: What is it?
Emma: I’m telling you, this doesn’t mean I’ll forgive everything.
Emma: Sometimes I don’t understand your evil deeds, and at those times I tend to speak up.
Gilbert: Is that so?
Emma: Have you forgotten? I’m watching over you to make sure you don’t cause harm to Rhodolite.
Emma: I’m not the only one being watched, Gil.
(I will determine what is good and what is evil without being misled by Gilbert.)
(That’s….I think that’s what Gilbert expects the most from me.)
Emma: That’s why, don’t worry.
Emma: Even if I love you, I’m not blind.
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His blood-coloured eye trembled slightly, and then softened gently.
Gilbert: ….I am at my wit’s end.
Gilbert: You really know everything.
A cold hand strokes my cheek again, and then a shadow falls and covers my lips.
Gilbert: I was finally ready to start cleaning again.
Emma: ..Mmm…Gil..
The great villain didn’t stop pecking at my lips and ran his hands seductively up my waist and back.
Gilbert: I don’t care anymore.
Emma: ..mmm…the cleaning?
Gilbert: You want to do it properly?
Emma: No…
(If you touch me like this, I don’t care either.)
Emma: Maybe…we can do it tomorrow?
The breaths escaping my lips were hot, and my body was already crying out for the cleaning to end.
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Gilbert: Ahaha, you’re wicked too, huh?
Emma: You were the one who started first….
Gilbert: Yeah, but…
Gilbert: It’s your fault for responding to it.
(skips to bedroom)
I catch my breath as I bounced back on the jet-black sheets.
Gilbert pinned me down and took off  all my clothes, then continued to caress my skin with frustratingly gentle hands.
There was clear malice in the fingertips that didn’t touch the places I wanted them to touch, but instead just skimmed around it.
(…I’m honestly embarrassed to say it…)
Emma: Now that I think about it…
Emma: Is Michael still in Rhodolite?
Gilbert: Yeah, he’s there.
Emma: Why…ah!
His fingers brushed my nipples, and the throbbing in the depths of my stomach grew even stronger.
Gilbert: Oh my, who said you were the only one Michael was keeping an eye on?
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Gilbert: Actually, there is one more person.
(One more person….)
(….Could it be…)
Gilbert: Heehee. You did that on purpose, didn’t you, little rabbit?
Emma: Eh….
Gilbert: To dare to think about another man when I’m right in front of you.
Emma: The only thing I did on purpose was to bring up the topic of Michael.
(I thought if he got jealous, he would touch me more.)
Gilbert: Really? But it doesn’t matter.
Gilbert: I wonder how you can smile so sweetly while thinking of another man.
( I…was smiling.)
(But that’s…..)
Emma: Nghh! Ah, aahh---
Suddenly, the fingers that had been gentle began to strongly stimulate a sensitive spot.
Emma: Wa…wait…..aahh….
My body seemed to be more sensitive than usual, and honey soon began to trickle down between my legs.
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Gilbert: That’s terrible. I’m hurt.
I was engulfed in pleasure beyond my imagination----
Just as I was about to lose consciousness, those wicked hands finally let go.
Gilbert: So, what were you smiling about?
Gilbert: Depending on your answer………..you understand, right?
As his fingers flicked my nipple, a moan escaped my lips.
Emma: That’s….n-not…true.
I forced myself to calm my breathing and caught sight of Gilbert’s face through my blurred vision.
Emma: Gil, you…
Emma: I just thought you were a worrywart.
(He can be extremely sweet once he trusts someone.)
(But sometimes, that sweetness can turn into malice.)
Gilbert: It can’t be helped. Because this world…
Gilbert: Contains a lot of stuff that needs cleaning.
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[Chapter 3] [Masterlist]
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milla-frenchy · 2 days ago
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Get to know your moots
Thanks for the tag @yxtkiwiyxt @itwasntimethatdidit40 @ace-turned-confused @thundermartini @joelmillerisapunk 🙏❤️
what's the origin of your blog title?: Milla Jovovich in the 5th element, and also I wanted people to know why my grammar is awful 😶
favorite fandoms: ppcu
OTP(s) + shipname: Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling
favorite color: black 
favorite game: tlou (both games)
song stuck in your head: spite - Omar Apollo. I’m obsessed with it
weirdest habit/trait?: I have a ton, but none of them are weird (to me 😁)
hobbies: video games, tv shows, writing fics, listening to music
if you work, what's your profession? I check whether construction projects comply with the law
if you could have any job you wish what would it be? if I could I wouldn’t work tbh. But I think I’d be happier if I worked in a bookstore or a flower shop
something you're good at: listening, I think. And if I’m invested in something I need it to be perfect, so if someone asks me to do something, it should be nicely done
something you're bad at: I don't always know where my boundaries are until I realize I crossed them, and it's too late. I'm done with the thing or the people that asked too much of me and I disappear (and I didn't even see it coming)
something you love: calm. Being at home, quiet
something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: honestly when I’m comfortable with the person, I can talk about everything
something you hate: a lot of things, I can be super grumpy 🙃 Yesterday I was at the movies. Some people were talking too loudly, others were eating during a silent scene and I just wanted to throw them out. In general I don't like noisy people and I hate rudeness. I’m not comfortable with intrusive people or when people come too close to me physically
something you collect: tickets (plane, activities done while traveling, movies, concerts…) I live in nostalgia, and keeping them is a need for me
something you forget: I have a very weird memory. I can remember some details from 15 years ago, and forget something you told me 2 min ago. I still don’t know how this damn memory works
what's your love language?: acts of service, listening, being there when they need me
favorite movie/show: the silence of the lambs, seven, narcos, friends, luther, the last of us, 6 feet under
favorite food: we have some really good meals with cheese and potatoes in France (raclette, gratin dauphinois, tartiflette…) and I love them. And pasta never disappoints (I love italian food)
favorite animal: I’m a cat person, but I’m fascinated by orcas
what were you like as a child? I was quiet and shy, already anxious af and didn’t want people to know it
favorite subject at school? english, geography, history
least favorite subject? maths and sciences. I feel dumb af when it comes to that
what's your best character trait? I’m a good listener, I think. When I love, I love hard. If my friends are attacked I feel like my heart is ripped in two
what's your worst character trait? I overthink everything. And when I don’t, I don’t give a fuck. Which is very disturbing, even for me 🤯
if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? I’d stop working and lie on my couch. But today’s a good day, I work from home, so it’s ok
if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? Honestly if I could travel in time I’d just want to see my mom again
recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!): raider!joel @toxicanonymity is my roman empire. I said it a million times, and I’ll say it again 😍🖤
I’m working on a list of my all time favorite fics that I will share soon, I hope. I have old lists here
npt: @aurorawritestoescape @iamasaddie @toxicanonymity @604to647 @schnarfer
@sawymredfox @iknowisoundcrazy @baronessvonglitter @bonezone44 @magpiepills
@pascalssbabyy @tateypots @sunshineispunk and whoever wants to 🙏
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impaladin · 7 months ago
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first attack!! character belongs to @bbirby :]
i love drawing in my chibi style,, i wanna do this more for artfight it’s so cute
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turtleblogatlast · 7 months ago
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Also hey I wanna say too that pretty much every single headcanon ever is valid. Even if they aren’t popular, even if they go against canon, even if they change on the regular and make for a throughly transformative work.
I think fandom is supposed to be fun and honestly it just acts like a toybox of sorts? With all these malleable characters as action figures that you play with as you like. If you wanna make them bigger or smaller or change their species or what they present as or how they sound or even act - you can! You can and you should!
Have fun, because you’ll inevitably find others who like what you do too. And even if you don’t, as long as you like it, then that’s what matters.
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willowfey · 1 year ago
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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valkyurii · 1 year ago
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https://www.tumblr.com/moonlightbutterfly/729769732714217472/kill-them-with-kindness-wrong-waterfowl-dance
^ reminded me of u
thank you, anon. my favourite attack in the game. i can hear it in my sleep :)
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quibbs126 · 2 days ago
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Hmm, nope, pretty sure Megatron’s still a bitch
Can the war just be properly over at this rate?
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strawberryfaced · 8 days ago
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haven’t had such a night in quite a while :’) almost forgot how to handle
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mossy-paws · 7 months ago
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Artfuight AUTISMOOOOOOOO
AHDHWJDJDJCJDJ me,,,, I’m going through such horrible artblock though already LET ME GET THE MOTIVATION TO NOT DO PERSONAL ART AND DRAW OTHER PEOPLES CHARACTERS HRRRRRRG,,,,,, yeah artfight status is tba right now sorry yall ya girl is burnt out 💔
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bearenjoyers · 7 months ago
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tbh i’ve been helping some people fight elden beast and now that i actually understand its fight i actually don’t mind it as much it’s very chill and i don’t really think it runs away as much as i used to think??? it attacks and it sits there a bit to let you get one or two fully charged heavy attacks off and then it moves into a different move. no different than anybody else and once you kind of understand what it’s doing and the timings of everything it’s completely fine. at least it isn’t placidusax teleporting everywhere and you’re just waiting for it to stop and it’s not stopping
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mars-ipan · 1 year ago
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man. strangers you don’t know but have heard stories about are wild
#marzi speaks#my brother has 3 roommates right#i’ve never met any of ‘em#but i’ve heard stories about them and they’ve heard stories about me#they all have a solid case of young adult man syndrome. aka casual bigotry and self hatred that they’re hopefully working through#and i am an incredibly queer person with radical values#so they think i’m crazy. and i want to meet them So Badly#bc 1. i don’t scare a lot of people. i am harmless. i want a power trip#and 2. one of the best ways to teach people to overcome bias is to introduce them to the ‘enemy’ and have them realize they’re actually-#-super chill people who don’t mean any harm#but i just found out. a few hours ago. courtesy of my brother#that one of them has made jokes along the lines of#‘if your sister comes around let me know i’ll defend us’#and MAKING A HAND MOTION LIKE HE IS HOLDING A METAL PIPE WITH WHICH TO ATTACK ME?????#so now like. NEW FEELINGS#1. holy shit i’m scary enough to this dude to be considered a physical threat??? it is gonna be SO funny when i meet him#2. BRO WHAT THE FUCK?????#like man. my brother’s going thru some self confidence shit so i’m not really mad at him but BRO. DEFEND MY HONOR A LITTLE BIT MAN???#anyways. i do not think my brother would introduce me to someone who would follow through on that threat#so! i’m still excited to meet them :3#i might wear my leather jacket + doc martens though. gonna be so queer#maybe bring the army hat as an olive branch lmao. but i’m gonna keep it lighthearted in general
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swordmaid · 2 years ago
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found my old mods for my og inquisitor and here she is!! olivia trevelyan who for one second actually thought she was the herald of andraste only to lose faith and now she’s lowkey in her villain era
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cq-studios · 2 years ago
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23. Future headcanon—Brain
I think Brain’s gonna become a teacher or at least start running a school after/during Missing Link. In this five point essa-
Okay, I kid, I don’t have five points (lol) but I do have two reasons I think this (one kinda solid other just pure headcannon and opinion lol).
Number A) you notice how the designs for ML have
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(excuse my messy doodles, Sigurd’s sprite is too low quality for me to crop it properly and I didn’t feel like pulling up a DR one lol)
This implies that the use of the latter emblem was something that only started being worn after Brain arrived. And you know where the symbol comes from? Master’s Defender, wielded by no other than Brain himself.
In DR all the characters we see are either school staff, or students, all of whom wear the emblem on them in some way or another (aside from Xehanort’s Mom and Player/Bluehood, who are not school staff/students and neither of which wear the emblem).
Number B) I also just kind of think Brain would be a good teacher. I mean, he’s smart enough.
(On top of that I have my whole headcannon that Brain taught Ven how to read and like discovered a love for teaching that way and stuff)
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milo-is-rambling · 2 years ago
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Day whatever it is recap!
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#📸#I think it’s day five maybe#also I’m at my brothers school for the last time ever :/#probs the last time I’ll ever step into a college dorm again tbh#and I got one last shower in the dorm bathroom which is always good bc if I’m seeing my brother chances are I’ve at very least spent three#hours in a car to get to him#so a shower is nice especially bc I was like panic attack sweaty. tmi? maybe.#I didn’t really do a lot today#at least not postable stuff#a lot of hanging out with family and Millie and being tired and kind of miserable but also daydreaming about any other shit in my life#idk. it all feels weird rn. all of it. and my brain is nagging me saying you’re being/doing x y z for attention even when I’m not telling#anyone shit im doing or thinking or anything and my brain is still like nah. you’re jealous of your brother graduating and not being home#at the end of dads life and at the same time you feel stressed and guilty and feel bad about him not getting closure#but at the same time you just wish you didn’t see his fucking body on the ventilator and all the IVs and the bloat and the popped blood#vessels and the nurses and doctors and knowing they did cpr so much if he even survived he would be miserable and have broken ribs#fuck. I want to be home and alone and crying about this all by myself alone. I hate this I hate this I hate this I want to go smoke a cig#but this is a no smoking campus ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I am miserable and this is supposed to be this big fun#thing for my brother and I feel selfish and stupid for having feelings and letting myself get upset about my dad but my fucking mother#made some sign to put in an empty chair for my dad and she brought his jacket he wore all the time and I started crying when I saw and then#immediately after we had to go see his parents and my grandfather is falling apart and reminds me of my dad in the hospital and I’m just so#miserable and between horrible thoughts and self harm and everything I’m keeping to myself I am just thinking about how this is so bitter#sweet for my brother like he’s graduating with his friends and then moving away from them all to a place where it’s just all about dad being#dead and he doesn’t like Florida really and he’s gotta start his grown up life (technically he has two more classes online and he’s getting#a blank diploma tomorrow but yeah. things are rough and my body hurts and stress is so bad for me and my chronic pain and I feel like I went#from the most relaxed and comfortable and happy I’ve been in a year to feeling like hell on earth and I feel like I’m bringing down every#one else’s mood but like hello why are we pretending any of this normal thid can’t be real this can’t be real this can’t be real I don’t#want this to be reak I want it to be fake it has to be fake please please please wake up tomorrow and have it be a year ago please#I miss my father and I hate myself and violent thoughts are taking over my mind and I hate it all but things were so good literally up until#I saw my mom and grandparents#my brother was so nice when it was just us too (and later I just mean before mom got here specifically he was still nice to me)
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danielnelsen · 24 days ago
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getting impatient wanting to get to act 3 with durge when i haven’t even made it to the mountain pass in act 1 🙃
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