desperate-gay

[desperate-gay]

kristie mewis fic out soon!

[desperate-gay]

i genuinely can’t wait for the rest

Revelations

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Jessie's always been steady and loving - someone you cherish deeply and never doubted. The new ring on your finger was proof. So when she starts behaving distant and preoccupied, you don't know what could be wrong. Everything in your shared life is perfect. Right?

Warnings: Angst. Language.

A/N: Hello! This is the angsty, love-child from Jessie's UCLA days fic. It will be a bit of a rollercoaster, but I hope you all enjoy!

"I can't believe you're going to be my wife," Jessie said, beaming ear to ear as she picked you up and spun you around. You laughed in her ear, head light and fuzzy with the elation of the moment.

"As if I'd ever say 'no'," you chuckled once she set you down. You grinned as she held up your hand to examine the sparkling ring that looked and fit perfectly on your finger - something she'd, of course, made sure of.

She shook her head in disbelief, a quiet smile lingering and pulling at her rosy cheeks.

"I just love you so much. I adore you and I can't wait for us to keep building our life together," she told you, eyes growing misty. You kissed her, harder than you'd intended, but every nerve in your body was firing in elation.

You looked at the woman before you. You couldn't have wanted more. You were so lucky to have her and her heart. You smiled.

"Same. I can't wait."

Your eyes fell to the empty spot next to you on the couch. Your chest panged as you pushed the memory away. The Jessie in that memory seemed so far away lately.

You released a silent huff and stood up, padding over and around the corner to the kitchen. You paused as you saw her leaned back against the counter. She wore a frown as she chewed at the corner of her thumb while she read something on her phone.

"Can I help you with anything?" You asked, making sure to keep your tone warm.

Her eyes shot up in surprise, before her frown hardened as she stepped away from the counter quickly tucking her phone away.

"What," she snapped as she turned on her heel and began working on fixing tea again. "I've got it," she went on softer, though not looking back over at you.

"It's been 15 minutes," you said a bit flatly, trying to cull your irritation. "So I just thought I'd see if I could help."

"No, it's fine," she assured you as she readied things and put them away in a bit of a disarray; very unlike her. She sighed, though you think she tried to stifle it, as she took long strides over to you with two mugs in hand. She handed one to you with a tight smile.

"Here," she said lightly. She leaned in and gave you a peck on the cheek, brushing past you to walk to the living room before you'd even registered it. You followed her silently. "Sorry for the wait," she said softly as she sat down, eyes on you as you took a seat next to her.

"It's fine," you said simply as you took a tentative sip. The beverage was lukewarm and offensively oversteeped. She really did forget about it. Still, you offered her a brief smile.

"Okay, let's go," she said putting on a new front of exaggerated brightness as she unpaused your show and settled in. She grasped your hand in hers and gave it a squeeze before shifting over closer to you. "You're too far away," she commented with a light laugh.

Normally, you'd laugh and swoon at such a thing from her. But right now, it felt hard to even smile for her. You didn't know what was going on.

The way she was in the kitchen, hiding away, transfixed on her phone, scattered, defensive; they were behaviours you never associated with her before, but had been increasingly the case the past month and a bit. Even when things were challenging - even horrible - with club or the national team, she hadn't been like this. Sure, she withdrew sometimes and could be quiet, but she didn't hide from you. Not like this.

You strangely had never worried about her cheating. She was wholesome and dedicated and sweet. She was your Jessie. Of course you trusted her. She loved you and you knew it. But now? You had a giant pit in your stomach. This ominous cloud lingering overhead that you couldn’t shake.

You'd noticed a few things cropping up initially, but you dismissed them. She'd never given you a reason to doubt her and for that you were grateful. Even if something was odd, there must've been a good reason.

The first time you really took notice was when you heard her getting out of bed extremely early one morning - early even for her - and though you just figured she was going to washroom or couldn't sleep, when you didn't hear her for some time you went to check on her. You came around the corner to see her out on the balcony talking quietly on the phone. You went back to bed and asked her about it when you got up later in case something had been wrong with her family or someone else.

Normally, she'd answer the question no problem, but she'd snapped at you instead and quickly excused herself to go on a run.

From there, you started to pick up on more things. Coming home late, disappearing for extended times, being secretive about her texting or calling sometimes. It was bizarre and so not like her.

Training. Games. The team. Those were always her excuses.

You wanted to believe her. You really did. You were going crazy flipping between wanting to corner her, question her, and get the truth, or dismiss everything because there must be a logical reason.

Jessie loved you. You'd been together for years, she'd proposed, you had all these plans for the future together and things had been going great. At least as far as you knew. It just didn't make sense.

You tried to focus on the show you two were watching, but you just felt unsettled. And by the way Jessie huffed intermittently, fidgeted and again chewed at nails and fingers, it seemed she felt similar. You asked if she was alright, if something was on her mind, but of course she dismissed any concern you had.

The show ended and you looked at the clock. It was about the time you and Jessie would both retire to bed, or at least Jessie. The heavy pit in your stomach didn't inspire you to do much else this evening.

"I think I'm going to go to bed. You coming?" You asked.

"Uh," she sat forward slightly on the couch and scratched the back of her head in contemplation. "I might stay up a bit. I'm not all that tired," she told you with a tight-lipped smile that didn't hide the bags under her eyes. You mustered up a smile in return though your stomach sank further.

"'Kay," you said simply as you stood up. "Try not to stay up too late. I know you haven't been sleeping well lately."

"I won't," she said with a hint of an edge in her tone. Her face scrunched up a moment later and she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh, um, I forgot to tell you - I'm going to be home late tomorrow."

Again?

"How late?" You asked as evenly as possible despite the irritation that immediately flooded your body.

"I don't know," she said with thinly veiled impatience at your inquiry.

It took every ounce of patience to speak calmly.

"Well, would you like me to try to change our reservation?"

A deep frown settled on her face as she stared up at you in question. Her expression fell a second later.

You let out the faintest, empty laugh. It was either that or you were going to start tearing up.

"You forgot?" You asked flatly. Your anniversary dinner.

You weren't that much for special occasions, but you always celebrated your anniversary and Jessie was often the one most on top of it; planning romantic, special things. Just not this time, evidently, and it felt like yet another nick in your skin.

She sighed inaudibly and offered you an apologetic look as she stood to face you.

"I'm so sorry," she said and it seemed genuine. "I-" she paused as she raised a hand to explain, but dropped it listlessly to her side with a shake of her head. "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you," she promised.

"It's fine, Jess," you said quietly. Neither of you spoke further, just standing across from one another with silence mounting.

You disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind you and readied for bed. You looked at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath to try to steady yourself. You wanted to be mad, or better yet, not care at all, but instead you just felt disappointed and hurt.

When you came back out she appeared and came up to you right away, following you to the bedroom.

"Let's go for a hike on Sunday and we can go to your favourite spot for lunch," she offered eagerly.

"Sure," you replied dully as you got under the covers. She took a seat on the edge of the bed and leaned down to give you a kiss.

"You're the best," she said before rising and padding out of the room, closing the door behind her.

You closed your eyes and tried to sleep, but the bundle of nerves and thoughts that careened through your mind wouldn't allow you. You felt restless and irritable, tossing and turning in the bed and doing your best to not check the time as you waited for her to come to bed.

You eventually sighed and gave in looking at your phone. It was after midnight.

You exhaled gruffly as you threw the covers off and approached the bedroom door. You could see the sliver of light from the other room coming through and you took a calming breath before you opened the door.

You immediately spotted Jessie at the kitchen table and her head snapped up from her laptop with an expression much the same as earlier this evening when she was supposed to be making tea. Her eyes fell back to her screen as she clicked a few times before sitting back in her chair and frowning at you once more.

"Hey, what's up?" She asked with a bit of a huff.

"What are you doing?" You asked, ignoring her question as you approached. You normally would've just sat across from her, but your skepticism was getting the better of you and you came around the other side to stand behind her. The hairs on the back of your neck rose as she curled inward a bit and gave you a scrutinizing look.

"What?" She asked curtly as she shot a look at you before looking back at her screen which only showed a table of player statistics. "I'm just prepping for our next game," she went on in the same manner as she closed the lid of her laptop rather firmly.

"You're just up late," you relented as you returned to the other side of the table and took a seat.

"Yeah," she said dismissively with a shrug.

You folded your arms on the table. "You're going to be tired in the morning."

"Yeah, well," she said in a tone as she brushed her hair back and slid down in her chair slightly, planting her feet.

You sighed tiredly and gave her an imploring look.

"What's going on Jess," you said beseechingly. "I know you keep saying it's stuff with the Thorns or the national team, but," you paused as you tried to gather your words, "I don't know. You're just not acting like yourself. You've been so hot and cold. And I feel like you're hiding things from me and I've never felt that way before."

She huffed and grew restless, eyes and hands scanning the table for clutter or distractions that weren’t there.

“I told you,” she said in exasperation and eyes determinedly downcast, “things are just stressful right now with the season and there’s a lot I need to navigate for it.” She sighed quietly before finally looking up at you. “It’ll be better soon,” she said, gaze falling once more as her tone fell too. “I just need some time.” 

You felt for her. You could see that whatever she was dealing with was weighing on her in a way you’d never seen. Even the scandal at the Olympics didn’t have her like this. Still, she wasn’t giving you a straight answer.

“Babe, I love you,” you said, pleading almost. “I just wish you’d tell me more. I’m supposed to be able to help you, support you, and if I don’t know what you’re going through I can’t do that very well.”

Her mouth was set in a line as she sat hunched over, hands now tucked between her knees as she stared hard at the table surface. She took a sharp breath and looked up at you, expression even.

“I know you want to help, but there’s nothing you can do.” She looked like she was going to say more, but she stopped and you saw a flash of emotion cross her face before she swallowed it. “I know you deserve better,” she said with the slightest waver in her voice.

Your posture grew rigid and you blinked at her declaration.

“I,” you started, unsure of what to think. You found yourself giving her a tentative, nervous smile. “What do you mean by that?” You asked lightly, your voice thin.

She exhaled gruffly as she buried her face in her hands and rubbed harshly at her features. “I don’t know,” she mumbled as she set her elbows heavily on the table and slowly shook her head. A beat passed before she dropped her hands and she gave a single shake of her head. “I think we should just go to sleep,” she said quietly.

“Jess-”

“I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore,” she said as she rose abruptly, the chair scraping across the floor as she did so. She gave you an imploring look. “Can we just go to sleep? We can talk about this another time.” She made sure to hold your gaze. “I promise.”

You felt helpless. At her mercy - whether she chose to let you in or not.

“Is there someone else?” You blurted out. She physically recoiled at the question.

“What?! Oh my God. Y/N. No, there is no one else,” she said adamantly. “Jesus Christ,” she said with a disbelieving laugh. “No. I love you. So much. I know you’re frustrated with me, but Jesus, no, I would never cheat on you. I just - I just need some space!” She said as her voice rose in desperation at the end. She breathed and spoke softly. “Please. Can we just go to bed?”

You felt tears begin to prickle at your eyes and you quickly looked away. You cleared your throat.

“Yeah. You go on ahead. I’ll be in in a bit,” you told her, hoping the tightness in your throat didn’t betray the steadiness you hoped to relay. By the way she remained rooted to her spot, her gaze boring into you as you determinedly avoided it, she wasn’t fooled.

“Y/N,” she said gently.

“I’ll be there soon,” you repeated as you were the one to now brush imaginary dust off the table.

-------

Your anniversary came and went, and though Jessie did send flowers to your office and brought home a card and a gift, she was quiet and distracted all night.

As you laid together in bed that night, you feigning looking at something on your phone, but rather, vacantly staring up at the ceiling, you couldn't help but think about how long it had been since you two had been intimate. It'd been weeks. Since all of this started, really.

The longest breaks you two typically had were simply due to her being out of town, but with how distant and moody she'd been, initiating sex just never felt right and she certainly hadn't initiated either.

As much as you missed the physical, it was the emotional intimacy you missed most.

You glanced at her out of the corner of your eye. She wore a gentle frown that you still found so endearing as she read her book. The knot in your stomach told you not to do anything, but instead, you snuggled in and began laying soft, feathery kisses on her and let your hands start to wander.

She stiffened slightly under your touch, her shoulders growing taut and her fingers gripping her book tighter. Beyond that, she laid there, unmoving and quiet and the knot in your stomach grew tighter. The hungry moans, salacious grins, and eager hands you were used to from her were far from present.

Still, you blindly hoped that if you just continued, she'd respond in time. The worst moment of all was when you were about to reach down to cup and caress her through her boxers and she gently, but firmly grasped your hand and pushed you away.

"Baby," she said in a type of lament that confused you further. "I'm just-" she finally looked at you, giving you an apologetic look, "I'm just not feeling well. I’m sorry.”

The tightness in your stomach spread rapidly, settling in your throat. You couldn't help but swallow dryly before pulling away. You tried to give her a smile, but it faltered as quickly as it formed and you turned onto your side and away from her.

"Babe," she whispered remorsefully as she laid a hand on your shoulder. You shrugged her off.

"It's fine," you dismissed as evenly as you could. You closed your eyes determinedly and did your best to ignore the tears that began to form behind your eyelids.

"I love you," she said as though she was pleading forgiveness.

You shut your eyes tighter and irritation swept over you as you sniffled against your will.

"Love you too," you forced yourself to say. You hoped your voice didn't tremble the way it did in your head.

She sighed softly and laid her hand gently on your shoulder once more, caressing you with her thumb.

"Jessie. It's okay," you said more tersely than you'd hoped. You'd never really felt the need to hide your emotions around her, but lately - and especially right now - you didn't want her to know how upset you were.

Disappointment came over you at your inability to weather her rejection. Her hand remained on you and you felt her watching you. You exhaled quietly.

"Just read your book, please."

-----------

The following day, outside of a cold goodbye on your part in the morning despite the coffee and eager smile she offered you, you determinedly ignored her. No pining texts with questions about her day that sought affirmation and connection with her. No unprompted stories about your day. Nothing. You waited for her.

And you got nothing in return.

You were fuming by the time you got home. This so-called feeling of empowerment or self-satisfaction over being equally distant to her had proved exceedingly fickle and been replaced by more upset.

You were going to busy yourself by working on a puzzle, but that reminded you too much of her. You settled on a book, but you were woefully distracted and had only managed to read 15 pages - very little of which you remembered - by the time you heard her key slip into the lock of the front door.

You determinedly kept your head down, buried in your book, but after several moments of relative silence you couldn't help but shoot a glare at the wall towards the entry way where she seemed to be lingering. You were about to blurt out a snide remark when you finally heard her footsteps.

The annoyance bubbling just below the surface dissipated quickly as she tentatively stepped around the wall and into the living room. You locked eyes with her and she wore such a somber look that a pit immediately formed in your stomach. No smile, no brightness in her eyes. Just a heavy look and it seemed like she was on the verge of tears. She just stood there and stared at you.

Your mouth grew dry as you watched her. She picked at the skin of her fingers and you saw her visibly swallow several times. Your throat tightened inexplicably as she began to speak.

"I've been standing in the hall for 20 minutes because I've been too scared to come inside." Her voice was low and wavered just so. She'd dropped her gaze and couldn't look at you. She swallowed again. "To have this conversation."

Your heart started to race and you shifted forward on the couch cushion, now teetering towards the edge.

She took a deep breath and gestured aimlessly with a hand as she spoke, eventually meeting your watchful gaze once more.

"I've been just," her face fell briefly as she paused. Her eyebrows remained knitted together and her voice grew taut, "sick to my stomach for weeks. I haven't known what to say. How to say it. When. I just," her voice broke and her lip trembled as she shook her head subtly.

Your shoulders rose and fell as you tried to breath and calm yourself. To brace yourself. She took a quick breath.

"And it hasn't been fair to you. I know things have been shitty. I've been shitty. And I've made you feel like it wasn't true. And I'm so sorry for that," she beseeched, eyes now shimmering. "I just needed some time."

She paused again, visibly on the brink of tears and emotions. Her face screwed up again, but she didn't speak.

"Jessie, what the hell is going on," you cut in, your own voice shaking as tears began to burn behind your own eyes. Whatever admission she was building up to - and you had a feeling you knew exactly what it was - was already piercing you.

Your question seemed to draw her out of her upset briefly and she looked at you anew. She steeled herself and strode over to you, ignoring the way you tensed up in apprehension and she sat down a few inches away from you, but shifted enough so she was facing you.

"I need you to know that I love you more than anything," she said in earnest as she searched your eyes. "You are everything to me. I need you. And I so desperately want us to build our life together. To have the future we planned for."

"Jesus Christ, Jess. Just fucking tell me," you interjected, ready to burst as she continued her speech. You felt a rage and heartache taking over already and you challenged her further. "Just tell me what happened. Who it was."

She looked momentarily taken aback, but also unbothered in a way that made you want to scream.

"I-it's not like that," she responded, voice growing thin as she worked to hold your gaze. "I swear," she said as her eyes began to grow watery once more.

You scoffed. "Then what is it?" Your mask of anger slipped and your voice came out pleading. "Just tell me."

She visibly swallowed and her gazed dropped briefly before she met yours once more with an imploring look and determination.

"I didn't cheat on you. I said I'd never do that and I meant it." She let that set in before carrying on. Her hands were fidgety and you could see her breathing quicken slightly. "I want a future with you - more than ever," she emphasized. "But," she took a shaky breath, "it…my future…our future, it," she trailed off briefly before recentering herself. Her eyes closed for a second as she took a deep, silent breath. When she opened them again she spoke in a quiet, but measured voice. "It's going to look different."

You subconsciously narrowed your eyes at her, unsure what to make of that statement. She ran a hand distractedly through her hair before gripping the cushion beneath her with both hands, hunching in on herself slightly.

"I've been so…not myself. Unsettled. Cagey. Everything you've said. I've been like that the past several weeks because…" She struggled to continue and your breath held firm in your throat. "I found out that I," she was breathing audibly now as you watched her intently. She looked at you and the air in the apartment hung heavy. "I have a kid, Y/N."

She finished so softly, but it echoed in your head. Still, your mind churned in an effort to properly process it. She couldn’t possibly have said what she said. She held your stare.

"I have a daughter."

[desperate-gay]

thank you 🙏

[desperate-gay]

I want to be her passenger princess 👸🏻

That pout though 👄 🥵

[desperate-gay]

im only using this tag to see where my general interact-y’s stand

[desperate-gay]

happy birthday to the people’s princess aka my queen!!

[desperate-gay]

happy holidays for everyone who celebrates!🎄

[desperate-gay]

Coffees - Steph Catley x Reader

You always believed Steph deserved better than her ex-boyfriend. But could you ever tell her it’s you who wants to give it to her?

{3.7k}

CWs: Mentions of Dean

The most awkward part of Steph’s break up with her long term boyfriend may have turned out to be pretending to be neutral. Although you clearly liked one party way more than the other. You had initially met Steph through her, now ex, boyfriend Dean a couple of months back. The pair of you having played football together back on your first ever team. It was an all boys team that allowed maybe two to girls join out of necessity, yourself obviously being one. And while you both stuck with football, you only remained loosely acquainted throughout years of playing in different countries. Only to be reunited on a double date, the date where you met Steph.

You instantly knew you liked Steph when you met. She had an energy that truly lit up the room. Her smile would make anyone around her feel comfortable and she always managed to look at you as you spoke like everything you said was the most important thing to hear. There was no question why your old friend would be in love her. Who in their right mind wouldn’t be?

Quickly after you had been on the double date, you had broken up things off with the guy you were talking to, realising you were only exclusively into girls. And unfortunately for you, a girl you were particularly into, was Steph Catley herself. You knew you’d never be able to tell her that, especially not after meeting her through her boyfriend. But that certainly did not stop you from becoming close to her as a friend. Your friendship only growing as Steph signed with Arsenal in London, only a couple miles from where your own club plays.

Roughly ten months later, when Steph and Dean broke things off, you were the first person she called. She said she needed someone who would reassure her without just saying that Dean was a massive asshole. Which you did for a couple of weeks, staying over her flat and going on walks with her and Calvin. But the more you heard the situation the more envious you became of your childhood teammate. You did not think he treated Steph the way she deserved. You could tell her she deserves better all you want. Just not that you were the better option in mind. While she never explicitly said she was definitely straight, it was always assumed.

One day you got to her flat after training, you had wet hair and two coffees in hand. She seemed oddly serious as she opened the door to let you in.

“You alright?” Your face fell, concern flooding your voice and eyes. She saw this and let out a sigh and half smile.

“Yes,” Steph shut the door behind you. “All good.”

“You sure about that?” After following her over to the couch, you hand her the coffee you brought her. Then her somewhat forced smile softened into a real one.

“You’re just too good to me,” She placed the cup onto the table next to her and pulled you into an abrupt hug. This took you a bit by surprise, not because she was not an affectionate friend. In fact, you often found yourself cuddling up into her while watching a movie or while chatting late at night. But Steph was often very small in her own initiated forms of affection; a pat, a rub, or a gentle squeeze. She was not the type to pull you in for a full embrace unless it was truly something that warranted one. You bringing her coffee was not a rare occurrence and never really had this sort of reaction.

“You sure you’re alright, Stephy?” You just barely wrapped your arms around her.

“Yeah,” She breathed out, breaking the hug and shaking her head. “Sorry.” It was awkward. Rarely were the two of you awkward.

“Sorry about what?”

“I’m fine,” Steph reassured, picking up her coffee and taking a sip and sitting on the couch. “It’s been a strange day is all.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” You followed suit and sat with her.

“I’m not really sure how to,” This seemed like a genuine statement. She seemed to be wrapping her head around something, but you just couldn’t piece together what that might be.

“Well if there’s a moment you find you’re able and you want to talk,” You gave a reassuring smile. “I’m all ears.”

Steph stared at you for a moment before nodding. “Thank you again.”

A couple days later, you had a date and you told Steph you would call after to debrief. It was your first date in a while and honestly, you put it off way too much before you decided that it was time to let yourself back in the dating ring.

The date was fine. Just nothing necessarily special. But you did really want it to work, you were tired of crushing on straight girls all the time and it was frustrating that whenever you meet a girl who is interested, you just don’t feel it. You told yourself you will probably have a second date, just to give a potential spark another attempt to ignite. Although it is doubtful it would.

When you called Steph it went to voicemail after one ring, which at first you shrugged off and shot her a text to call when she can. But then an hour went by, and then another hour. Obviously she was not obligated to talk to you about your date, but it was unlike Steph to not at least send you a text saying she can’t talk or something.

The next morning you are woken up by a knocking on your door, causing you to jump awake, feeling quite disoriented and grumpy. You open up to see Steph, in her full Arsenal training gear and a coffee in hand.

“Oh… Steph?” You yawned opening the door wider to let her in. All the confusion of why she is here overtaking the annoyance of being woken up. “What’s going on?”

“I have to head to training, but I wanted to drop off a coffee for you,” Steph smiled, a certain shyness to her that she did not often carry towards you.

“Thanks,” You blinked, astonished. “You just came to bring coffee?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call or text back last night, but I’m hoping we can have a chat later?” Her eyes looked hopeful, something about the way she was looking at you gave you butterflies. The kind you felt when you had first met. “Maybe after I finish training?”

“Oh uh… yeah, sure,” You nodded, feeling quite nervous suddenly.

“Great, I’ll text you when training is letting out,” Steph gave her award winning warm smile before heading out the door. “Enjoy your coffee.”

You had to laugh to prevent yourself from going mad over the weirdness of it all. To anyone this seems like a sweet gesture from a friend. But knowing yourself and Steph, this was odd.

For starters, it is roughly eight thirty in the morning. Unless you have training that day, you certainly were not waking up until nearly ten. Either way you are not a happy riser and waking you up is equivalent to a death wish for most. Although, you always told Steph if she needed anything no matter what time it was she could pop over without explanation. She just had not ever actually taken you up on that.

Second, this was not your coffee order. Your typical order was a blonde roast with a shot of espresso and only a splash of whole milk. You were not picky though, even if they messed up your order you’d still drink it. Coffee was just coffee to you. However, what Steph gave you today was a flat white with vanilla sweet cream and a long shot of espresso, her own usual order. And judging by the fact she did not have a second drink with her, something made you think maybe she did not intend to come here to bring you her coffee order. Although she also did not often get coffee before training anyways. You had to brush it off because the overanalyses was not going to make it any better or worse in your head.

The next time you heard a knock on your door you were somehow more panicked than when you were woken up early that morning. You practically sprinted to open it to a smiling brunette with freshly washed hair and a change of clothes from earlier in the day.

“Long time no see,” You smiled back, stepping aside for her to enter. Your nerves definitely had gotten to you because you could have sworn she glanced at your lips for a moment before diverting her gaze and walking in. “So what’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” Steph replied with a shrug, looking around as if she had not been in that same flat multiple times a week. “I just wanted to chat.” She sat on the couch, seeming like she was going to say something but didn’t.

“About?” You laughed awkwardly joining her on the couch. “My date?”

“Yeah,” She nodded, eyebrows furrowed a bit. “Yeah, your date. How was it?”

“Fine.” You both were silent, Steph obviously looking for more detail than the single nondescript word you chose.

“I’m really sorry that I didn’t answer last night, I just was not exactly in the mood to talk.”

“Did something happen? We can talk about that instead,” You sat up more, seeming to care more about what ever may be happening with Steph than your failed dating life.

“No,” She shook her head almost too quickly. “I want to hear about your date first.”

“It was fine,” You shrugged it off, getting more comfortable on the couch. “We got some food and talked a lot. Turns out we had a lot in common and she even laughed at my poorly thought out jokes.”

“That’s really good,” Steph’s face serious.

“Yeah, I guess,” You continued. “She was nice, and conversation flowed really easily. It wasn’t really awkward or anything.”

“So then what went wrong? It seemed like more than just fine.” You stare at Steph for a moment trying to actually piece together what had actually gone wrong.

“It wasn’t,” Your eyes shifted around in thought. “…it just didn’t feel how I thought it should.”

“How you thought it should?” She repeated, seeming to simultaneously question and process.

“I know it sounds awfully stupid but, I normally just know how I feel about someone within five minutes of meeting them. Like I can just tell right before I’m gonna fall for somebody.” As it came out of your mouth you felt like you sounded crazy. “That makes no sense.”

“Hey, no no,” Steph moved closer putting a hand on your shoulder. “You can’t help who you do or don’t have feelings for, right?”

“Right,” You smile catching her glance. Suddenly the room felt charged, like there was a shift in the air that landed right into your chest and pulsed sharply through every nerve. You just couldn’t tell if Steph was feeling that same charged feeling. But then again, you noticed her glance at your lips really quick before shifting and looking away.

“So no second date then?” She continued on, adjusting her positioning on the couch.

“I’m not sure,” You shrugged.

“You’re not?” She furrowed her eyebrows, giving you a strange look. “You are clearly not interested.”

“Yeah… but maybe I’m just overthinking it, I mean I don’t have many options do I? I can’t keep being so picky.”

“I don’t think it’s picky to hold out for someone you really like,” Steph leaned her head on her hand, giving a small shrug and a smile. “You shouldn’t have to waste your time with people who aren’t good enough for you.”

“Why not? I mean you did,” The words left your lips so unwarranted, your face filled with apologetic horror before you even finished saying it. “Steph I-“

“Wow,” She spoke almost emotionlessly, her face just frozen shock.

“I… I’m sorry I genuinely don’t know why I said that.”

“No it’s fine,” The brunette almost sounding confused by her own statement. “I just didn’t know you felt so strongly against him, I thought you two used to be good friends.”

“He’s not really my friend, he barely ever was. His one mate who I also was also sort of barely friends with had a crush on me. Then we went on one date, the double date with you. I honestly only hung out with Dean because…” You caught Steph’s eye. “Being around him meant more time being around you.” Her lips curled into a smile, seeming a lot more flattered by this statement than offended or bothered at all.

“That’s quite sweet.”

“I can be sweet,” You nudged her lightheartedly. “Speaking of sweet, that was an interesting coffee choice this morning.”

“God,” She breathed out with a small hint of amusement but even more so, embarrassment. “Yeah it was a last second decision to pop over.”

“I figured.”

“I just wanted to talk, but I didn’t have enough time so that was my excuse I guess,” Steph began to explain.

“You know you don’t need an excuse to pop in, I’ve told you that many times.”

“Right yes, except what was I to do? Have you open the door and immediately say ‘Oh I got to go sorry for waking you’?” Her head shook as she spoke as if she was reprimanding herself.

“Wouldn’t be the strangest thing you’ve done,” You reassured with a laugh, gently nudging her knee. “But really,” Your face fell a bit more serious. “What was troubling you?” She stared at the wall for a moment, as if plotting out all her thoughts in her head.

“I wanted to ask something.”

“Okay?”

“Do people ever…” You could practically watch the wheels in her head turning and pushing to find exactly the right words. “I’m just curious if it is at all common for someone to, discover they might not be straight… much later than everyone around them?” You could all but hear your pulse pick up in a matter of seconds. Of anything that Steph may have asked you about tonight, this was not something you would ever suspect to come up. Seeing the panic begin on her face, you realised you failed to actually respond.

“Steph,” You laughed nervously. “Of course it’s normal. There’s no like, expiration date on when someone has to come to terms with their sexuality by. You know I didn’t even realise I was only into girls until like, a year ago.”

“Yeah,” She relaxed just a little bit. “But at the same time, you still knew you weren’t straight for a while before then. Is it possible to not really have any clue until…”

“Stephy,” You placed a hand on her shoulder. “Some people know before they even turn ten, some don’t know until they are well past fifty. Absolutely everyone feels things differently and love is probably one of the most difficult feelings to understand. Whether it’s common or uncommon, it’s never too late for someone to learn more about themself.” Steph just stared astonished for a moment, her eyes not leaving your face until she processed every word.

“Okay,” She nodded, taking a deep breath. “I think I might be… well I do like men. But I have reason to believe I also like women as well.” It took a lot in you to not instantly jump up and down cheering at this fact. You settled for a smile instead.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” The brunette smiled back. If you hadn’t known any better you might even think she was blushing a little.

“I’m proud of you.” It seemed like a weight sort of lifted off her shoulders, not entirely however.

“Thank you, but it is also worse than that,” She chewed on the inside of her cheek, glancing away.

“Worse?” You couldn’t hide a small laugh of amusement. “What do you mean?”

“Well you are probably the most understanding person I know, and you really listen and you care. Things just always feel different with you than with anyone else, and I mean it’s a good difference obviously,” She looked anywhere else except at you as she spoke. Carefully curating each sentence to make sure her point was coming across.

“I always assumed that just meant I was really comfortable with you, like we had a stronger friendship than I have had in the past.”

As she kept explaining, you did your best to listen without jumping to your own conclusions or reading too deeply into her words. This moment was about you helping her, not feeding your own delusions. But yet again, your heart pounding with anticipation was quite the distraction.

“When you said you had a date, initially I was truly happy for you. But I also really wanted it to go poorly, and like without knowing anything about this girl I had already convinced myself she wasn’t even good enough for you. Which made me feel terrible, like what right did I have to be jealous? Was I really wanting you not to be happy just because of my own break up? Especially since I know I am definitely over him and have been for a while. But that’s why I couldn’t take your call last night.”

“What are you trying to say exactly?” You asked, trying to sound more curious and less confused.

“You going on that date sort of just confirmed something I think I have been denying a lot longer than I would care to admit,” Steph took a deep breath and looked at you for the first time within this whole explanation. “I couldn’t listen to you talk about your date because I wanted to be the one on the date with you.”

“What?” You blinked.

“I have feelings for you. Try as I might to ignore them, they aren’t going away anytime soon.”

“You’re serious?”

“Deadly serious.”

“Woah there, Stephy, that’s pretty serious,” A massive smirk crept up on your lips, unable to even pretend not to be elated by this news.

“I’m not joking,” A hint of irritation lined her voice.

“I know you aren’t,” You shifted closer, turning your body to face her completely. “But it’s still funny.”

“How is it funny?”

“Steph, you really have no idea do you?” You sighed, seeing that she is not comforted by your amusement. “I met you on a double date, almost a year ago. Then I came out as a lesbian within that same weekend. I pretended to be super good mates with your asshole boyfriend just so I could be around you more but then stopped talking to him altogether as soon as you started hanging out with me one on one. I bring you a coffee whenever I’m the one who had a rough day because making you happy instantly makes me happier. Not to mention I just went on a pretty decent date last night. But I couldn’t be bothered to even consider going on a second one, because I didn’t instantly fall for her the way I fell the first day I met you.”

You had never in your entire time knowing Steph, have seen her as shocked or as flustered as you did in that moment.

“So yes, it’s sort of funny that the two people who tell each other everything were both suffering in silence about their feelings for each other.”

“I had no clue,” Steph shook her head, laughing with relief and maybe a little embarrassment. She always picked up on things so fast, but clearly this was an exception. “What do we do about this?”

“You say that like it’s something we need to fix.”

“No, I just don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing,” She admitted. “I feel like part of why I denied my feelings for so long was cuz I have no idea how to be with another woman like… obviously it’s different but how different can it actually be? Also it isn’t like I’m a teenager figuring things out, I am thirty. I shouldn’t be this clueless.”

“Hey,” You moved closer, reaching and gently grabbing her hand. “As I said, there is no age limit on discovering yourself. Not to mention, you’re still so young, Stephy. I cannot lie, dating women is very different from men. But nobody is an expert on dating, men or women. It’s confusing no matter what.”

“I guess that’s true,” Steph took a deep breath.

“So what would you like to do about this then?” You turned her question back to her. She scanned your face for a moment, giving you more butterflies than you would care to admit.

“I uh…” She blushed before even finishing. “Can I kiss you?” Although you could tell she was nervous, there was a certain confidence behind the question. Her eyes stayed fixated on you, waiting for an answer, while you shyly looked away for a moment.

“I don’t know, can you?” You smiled at her, using teasing humour as a coping mechanism for your nerves.

“May I?” The brunette rolled her eyes with a small amused smile across her lips.

“You may.” What was likely only a matter of seconds felt like an entire year of emotions and repressed feelings finally allowing themselves to come to the surface. The kiss was simply so gentle and soft, but somehow so strong in your heart.

“Was that okay?” You almost immediately asked as you pulled away. The fear she may completely regret it peaking in despite knowing she is not like that. She wouldn’t do something if she was not certain it’s what she wanted.

“Of course, it was definitely more than okay,” Steph smiled warmly, scanning your face closely. The glow of a new sense of confidence and relief quite prominent in her features. One that you saw only when she did something she felt really good about, like after an excellent goal is scored or when she places the last couple pieces of a puzzle together. A glow that says all the stress that led up to this moment was worth it. “I’m really happy that of all the girls I could have fallen for, it was you.”

[desperate-gay]

A BETH FIC? AN ANGSTY BETH FIC? yes.

𝑹𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒕/𝑩.𝑴𝒆𝒂𝒅

The day started off on a high note for you. It was one of those rare mornings where you woke up feeling genuinely light, like the world had shed some of its weight overnight. The hum of the fridge didn’t bother you. The texture of your favorite jumper felt soft and familiar instead of scratchy and overwhelming. Even the rain tapping against the windows sounded more like a rhythm than a distraction.

Beth, however, wasn’t her usual self. Normally, she’d greet you with a teasing grin, pulling you into a hug and pressing kisses to your cheek. But today, her posture was slouched and her usual sparkling blue eyes seemed dull.

“Morning,” you said brightly as you bounced on your toes near the kitchen counter, watching her sip her tea.

“Morning,” she replied, barely looking at you.

You tilted your head, studying her for a moment. You weren’t always great at picking up emotions, but even you could tell something wasn’t right. Still, you didn’t press. Beth wasn’t one to bottle things up for long, and if she needed to talk, she would.

Instead, you decided to focus on your rare good mood, hoping some of your energy might rub off on her.

“I was reading about leafcutter ants this morning,” you started, your voice bubbling with excitement. “Did you know they use the leaves to grow fungus? They can’t actually eat the leaves—they’re just farmers! Isn’t that amazing?”

Beth didn’t respond, her gaze fixed on her tea. You took her silence as an invitation to continue, bouncing slightly as you spoke.

“And their colonies are huge, Beth. Like, millions of ants! And they’re so organized. They’ve got these tiny highways, and they even have guards to protect them from predators.”

“Mm-hmm,” Beth muttered, her tone distracted.

You frowned slightly but pushed on, determined to cheer her up. “And there’s this one type of butterfly that’s evolved to mimic ant larvae so it can live in the nest. The ants actually take care of it, thinking it’s one of their own!”

“Can you stop?”

Her words were sharp and unexpected, slicing through your excitement like a knife. You froze, your hands halfway through a gesture to explain the butterfly’s mimicry.

Beth sighed, setting her tea down with more force than necessary. “I mean it. Just… shut up for a bit, yeah? I can’t deal with this right now.”

Her tone was clipped, her voice tinged with irritation, and it hit you like a physical blow. Your arms dropped to your sides, and the bouncing that had accompanied your words came to an abrupt halt.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, your voice barely above a whisper. You couldn’t meet her eyes, your gaze fixed on the floor as your cheeks burned with embarrassment.

Beth didn’t say anything else, her silence echoing louder than her words ever could. You turned quickly, retreating to the safety of your shared bedroom.

Once inside, you closed the door behind you and crawled under the duvet, pulling it tightly around yourself like a cocoon. The warmth was a small comfort, but it did little to stem the flood of emotions swirling in your chest. You felt silly, embarrassed, and most of all, ashamed.

The things you shared with Beth, the endless stream of facts and curiosities that made up so much of who you were, had always brought her joy. She’d tease you for your “insect obsession,” but her smile and laughter told you she loved it. Except for today.

You curled up tighter, the covers muffling the sound of your uneven breathing. Your fingers itched to graze over something soft—Beth’s skin, usually—but you didn’t dare go back to her now.

Time passed slowly, and you stayed hidden beneath the duvet, your mind replaying the moment over and over again. You barely heard the soft knock on the door.

“Love?” Beth’s voice was quiet, hesitant.

You didn’t respond, unsure if you even could.

The door creaked open, and you felt the mattress dip as Beth sat beside you. Her hand hesitated before resting gently on your shoulder, the touch tentative.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

You didn’t move, your face still buried in the pillow.

Beth sighed, shifting to lay beside you. She tugged the duvet back just enough to slip underneath, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“You didn’t deserve that,” she continued, her voice soft but firm. “I’m having a bad day, and I took it out on you. That wasn’t fair.”

You sniffled, finally turning your head to look at her. Her eyes were filled with regret, her brows knitted together in concern.

“I just wanted to make you happy,” you murmured, your voice trembling.

Beth’s face crumpled, and she pulled you closer, tucking your head under her chin. “You always make me happy,” she said fiercely. “I was just being an idiot. None of this is your fault.”

Her words were a balm, but the sting of the earlier moment still lingered. You stayed silent, letting her hold you as you tried to sort through your jumbled emotions.

Beth pressed a kiss to your temple, her lips lingering. “I love hearing about your ants and your butterflies and whatever else you’re excited about. Don’t stop telling me, okay?”

You nodded slowly, your fingers creeping up under her shirt to rest against the soft skin of her back. The familiar sensation grounded you, and you felt your breathing start to even out.

*

The rest of the day passed in a haze of uncertainty. Even as Beth’s arms stayed firmly wrapped around you on the couch, a warmth that should have comforted you, your body felt stiff and hesitant, your mind playing on a loop of her earlier words.

Shut up.

You replayed the moment in your head over and over again, analyzing every detail, every nuance of her tone, even as you knew it would only make your chest tighten further. It wasn’t just the words themselves. It was the way they had stripped away the small confidence you’d built in sharing your world with her.

Beth’s head rested against your shoulder, her fingers absently tracing patterns on your thigh. Normally, you would have responded in some way —leaned into her, placed a hand over hers, or even tucked her closer. But now, you just sat there, frozen, your eyes fixed on the muted television screen.

“You okay, love?” Beth’s voice was soft, cautious, but even that wasn’t enough to undo the knot in your stomach.

You nodded quickly, your gaze darting to her for only a moment before returning to the screen.

She shifted beside you, sitting up a little straighter. “Sure? You’ve gone quiet on me.”

Your hands instinctively pulled at the sleeves of her oversized hoodie, the fabric soft between your fingers as you bit down gently on the cuff. It was a habit Beth had seen countless times before, but the added bounce of your leg gave you away.

“I’m fine,” you murmured, though the waver in your voice betrayed you.

Beth frowned, her hand moving to rest on your knee in an attempt to still its movement. You flinched ever so slightly at the contact, and her frown deepened.

“Talk to me,” she urged gently, her thumb stroking over the fabric of your leggings.

You shook your head, swallowing hard. Your chest felt too tight, your throat too constricted to form any proper words.

Beth sighed softly, leaning back into the couch. “You’re still upset, aren’t you?”

You hesitated, unsure how to respond. You didn’t want to upset her further, didn’t want to say the wrong thing. But the silence stretched too long, and you felt her shift again, this time pulling away slightly.

“Hey,” she said, her voice firmer now. “Don’t do that thing where you go quiet on me. Please.”

“I’m not,” you replied quickly, though it was a lie and you both knew it.

Beth exhaled sharply, and though she didn’t say anything, the sound made your shoulders tense. You bit harder on your sleeve, your teeth sinking into the fabric as you fought to keep your emotions in check.

She didn’t push further, and the silence that followed felt unbearably heavy.

Dinner was equally strained. Beth had offered to cook, her way of making up for earlier, but you couldn’t bring yourself to accept the gesture fully. Instead, you sat at the kitchen table, your hands tucked under your thighs as you watched her move about the space.

Normally, you’d be beside her, stealing bites of whatever she was making and asking a million questions about the recipe—or, more likely, telling her about a new book you’d read or an interesting fact you’d discovered. But now, you barely said a word, your focus entirely on the way her blonde hair fell over her shoulder as she worked.

Beth glanced at you a few times, her brows furrowed, but she didn’t comment. Instead, she slid a plate in front of you once everything was ready, her expression softening as she sat across from you.

“Eat up,” she said, her tone light but watchful.

You nodded, picking up your fork and poking at the food without much enthusiasm.

“You don’t like it?” she asked after a moment, her voice laced with worry.

“No, it’s good,” you replied quickly, though you didn’t take a bite to prove it.

Beth watched you for a long moment, her fork paused midway to her mouth. “You’re still biting your sleeve.”

Your hand froze, the fabric of her hoodie still pressed to your lips. You hadn’t even realized you were doing it.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, dropping your hand to your lap.

“Don’t apologize,” Beth said immediately, her voice soft. “I’m just… worried about you. I hate seeing you like this.”

You didn’t respond, focusing instead on your plate as you tried to will your leg to stop bouncing under the table.

Beth sighed, setting her fork down. “I know I upset you earlier, and I’m so sorry for that. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I was in a mood, and I took it out on you, and that’s not fair.”

You nodded faintly, still not looking at her.

“Love, please.” Her voice cracked slightly, and it made your chest ache.

Finally, you glanced up, meeting her gaze for only a second before looking away again. “I’m fine,” you said quietly, though it was clear to both of you that you weren’t.

Beth reached across the table, her fingers brushing against yours. You flinched again, pulling your hand back instinctively.

The hurt in her eyes was immediate, and you felt a pang of guilt so sharp it made your stomach churn.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

You looked at her then, really looked at her, and saw the sincerity in her expression. She was trying. She always tried. But you couldn’t shake the lingering fear that had taken root in your chest.

“I don’t want to annoy you again,” you admitted, your voice trembling.

Beth’s eyes widened, and she immediately stood, rounding the table settle on your lap. She cupped your face gently, her thumbs brushing away the tears you hadn’t realized had started to fall.

“You could never annoy me,” she said firmly, her blue eyes locking onto yours. “I was being a grumpy cow earlier, and I snapped, but that’s on me—not you. I love everything about you, okay? Especially the way you get excited about things and want to share them with me. That’s one of my favorite things about you.”

You searched her face, looking for any sign of insincerity, but all you saw was love and regret.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, though you weren’t entirely sure what you were apologizing for.

Beth shook her head, pulling you into a hug. “Don’t be. Just… don’t stop being you, yeah? I don’t want you to feel like you have to hold back around me.”

You clung to her, your arms wrapping tightly around her waist as you buried your face in her shoulder. Her fingers ran soothingly through your hair, and for the first time that day, you felt yourself start to relax.

**

Tags:

@ceesimz @marysfics @girlgenius1111 @codiemarin @simp4panos @silentwolfsstuff @goldenempyrean @xxnaiaxx @liloandstitchstan

[desperate-gay]

christmas request for leah williamson:

"Just because we’re stuck under mistletoe doesn’t mean I have to kiss you.”

“Scared you might enjoy it?"

A Christmas Tease

Leah Williamson x fem!reader

summary: your teammate has quite the reputation and she will do anything to catch your attention

a/n: just a quick blurb i thought id write due to a sleepless night

“There she is!” Katie shouts, arm extended with a beer in hand, announcing your late arrival at the party.

“Yes, here I am. My tires are horrible with the snow and everyone drives like there’s a whole blizzard outside.” You roll your eyes, removing your outdoor gear to throw on the coat rack and embrace the warmth of the house.

You greet everyone with a smile and catch up to all the conversations that have happened within the last 20 minutes you have missed. You’ve gotten extremely close with many of your teammates despite only playing for Arsenal for only a couple of months. Once your USWNT teammate, Emily Fox, was signed, you weren’t too long after.

You had already known a lot of your teammates from international games and previous clubs you had played for, so there weren't too many people to get used to.

Besides one very obnoxious player.

Leah Williamson.

She has a reputation for sleeping around and placing girls in her trophy case. The team jokes that she’s challenging herself to sleep with every girl in London, and, unfortunately, her new target is you.

“Were you too busy answering prayers, angel?” A thick british accent breaks you out of your trance, making you jump in surprise.

“More like digging myself up from hell.” You say, giving her a plastered grin before taking a sip of the champagne that rests in your hand.

“I’ll have you one day, you know.” Leah states confidently, earning herself a sharp glare from you in which she only returns with a cocky smirk.

Not even wanting to argue with the girl, you scoff and walk over to where Lia and Mariona sit and join them in conversation. You’d never admit this to the blonde, not wanting to make her ego swell bigger than it anyway is, you used to have the biggest crush on her before you transferred to Arsenal.

You always found the blonde extremely attractive, especially on the pitch, but when you finally met her and found out about her off-the-pitch affairs, your crush faded away.

“You still there, amiga?” Mariona asks softly, noticing your silence.

“Yes, of course. Sorry, just a bit distracted.” You smile apologetically, twisting the glass in your hand for distraction.

“No need to apologize, but if I may, does this have anything to do with a certain english blonde defender?” Lia smirks teasingly as you roll your eyes and shake your head rapidly.

“Absolutely not. You know my feelings about that, Lia.” The swiss girl allows the conversation to disappear although she doesn’t believe you one bit.

—

“Next question, what is everyone’s favorite christmas song?” Kim asks the team who all are huddled around in the living space, you coincidentally smushed on a loveseat with Leah.

Many shouts are thrown across the room from voices trying to top each other, debating on what christening song is the ultimate song, including your voice.

Noticing the girl next to you zoning out and not participating, you bump your shoulder into hers, asking, “What about you? What’s your favorite christmas song?”

“Rockin’ around the christmas tree.” Leah nods in confidence.

“Why that one?” You immediately regret asking when that familiar cocky grin stretches along the older girl’s face.

“Because I know I can rock your world when you finally let me.” She whispers, leaning closer to you so no one else can hear, and quickly snapping back when you push her in disgust, making the girl chuckle and take a sip of her drink.

Many hours pass by with more questions, movies, karaoke, and so on before people start to trickle out to head back to their destined homes. It was only you and a few people left, cleaning up the snacks that were on display and garbage littered in small areas.

Leaning against the wall of the archway, someone clearing their throat grabs your attention next to you. You quickly see the blonde locks and huff in annoyance before turning back to look at what you were.

She taps your shoulder and points above the two of you, causing you to scoff when you notice the holiday plant hanging down by a string. Leah’s white teeth shimmer at you before puckering her lips and making exaggerated kissy noises.

“Just because we are under a mistletoe does not mean I have to kiss you.” You declare, watching the older girl with squinted eyes.

“Afraid you may enjoy it, darling?” Leah questions, pulling herself off the wall and moving slightly closer to you with a wide grin plastered on her face.

A weird shock runs through your body from hearing her husky tone, but you shake it off as the thought of a cold shiver. You swiftly look around to make sure no one is around before closing the gap between you and Leah, grabbing her arms and placing them on your hips while yours wraps around her neck.

The blonde’s smile fades and instead is replaced with a huge face of shock.

“I know I’ll enjoy it. I have been dreaming of you railing me into the mattress over and over again, having your way with me on every surface of every room, and making my legs shake violently with every orgasm you give me.” You whisper, lips brushing against the girl’s ear as her hands grip your hips together with every word.

“Yeah?” Leah’s voice shakes.

“Oh yeah, but this won’t ever happen except in your daydreams.”

With that, you down the rest of the drink in your hand and strut off to help Kim with the rest of the cleanup, leaving the defender in complete bewilderment and arousal.

Merry christmas indeed.

[desperate-gay]

short christmas fic idea - beth decides to rig the arsenal secret santa because she knows leah has a crush on reader and beth is tired of listening to her pine but not act on it

Secret Santa

Leah Williamson x fem!reader

summary: beth is tired of watching you and leah dance around your feelings for each other, so when she sees the opportunity to help, she jumps to it

“Someone has to lock them in a closet I swear to ya.” Beth shakes her head, watching you and Leah across the room basically heart-eyeing one another, acting like you’re in your own little bubble.

“They really are that oblivious, aren’t they?” Steph asks, already knowing the answer, having watched the two of you dance around your feelings for one another.

Both Steph and Beth watch as you both talk and laugh with bright red cheeks and sheepish smiles. Almost the whole team has had to watch you two almost flirt your heads off but no one make a move.

“Alright girls, since christmas is right around the corner I thought before break we could do a little secret santa.” Renee states in the front of the room where the whole team lingers, conversing in their own groups.

All the girls nod their heads enthusiastically while Beth looks as if a light bulb lit above her head. Steph quirks her eyebrow at the forward, knowing that look all too well.

“I would love to help. I can write up the names and go around for everyone to pick their giftee.” The blonde smiles innocently but Renee doesn’t look too into it and would love to have the extra help.

“That would be wonderful, Beth. Thank you.”

Once Renee walks off, Beth turns over to look back at the Australian across from her with her lip between her teeth and the sides of her mouth reaching from ear to ear.

“Alright, spit it out. What’s up your cheeky little sleeve this time, Meado.” Steph rolls her eyes, resting her chin on her hand against the table, waiting for the girl to yap out her master plan.

—

“-And that’s how Alex and I ended up all the way up in Manchester.” You shake your head in amusement at the blonde’s story, having been sharing story by story with each other in the corner of the room while comfortably resting on the small sofa.

“You two are the weirdest people I know.” You claim, laughing at Leah who just shrugs with a sheepish smile.

Out of nowhere, Beth comes over and plops in between you and the defender, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and pulling you in closer to her, smushing your bodies together. Leah grimaces in discomfort while you just raise your eyebrows in curiosity.

“Hello, you two. How are we feeling on this gloomy but glorious day?” Beth asks, turning her head rapidly to look at the both of you at every second.

“It’s fine.” Leah blanks, shrugging off the other blonde’s arm while scooting as far as she can to the arm of the couch.

“Well, that’s all I needed!” With that the girl scurries off back to her side of the room with Steph, leaving you two at a loss with what just happened.

You both sit there in silence for a minute, watching Beth talk and continue to look in your direction. Leah can already sense something is up, having admitted her feelings for you to the girl a few weeks ago. Leah knows Beth likes to stick her nose in places it doesn’t belong, but at the same time, Leah can just be overthinking it.

“I take back what I said. She is the weirdest person I know.” You slap your hands on your lap in conclusion and direct your attention back to the girl sitting next to you.

Leah nods but you can tell her head is somewhere else, watching as she stares into the abyss without blinking even once. You don’t question it considering one of your best friends just plopped by you and left without another word, making you confused as well.

But Leah’s thinking about something completely different. You. She’s thinking about how beautiful your laugh is, how bright your eyes shine when you talk about something you love, and especially how caring and considerate you are of other people.

She’s harbored these feelings for months now, and it’s eating her alive every day not telling you. She just doesn’t know how to. She doesn’t want to risk you not liking her back and ruining the close friendship between you two even though a blind person can see both of your feelings

“Earth to Leah!” The blonde snaps out of her haze when your hand waves in front of her face, trying to see if the girl has even been paying attention to which you got your answer.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Leah gives you a sympathetic look for not listening but you wave it off with a smile and a shake of your head.

“I said everyone is picking their person for secret santa. Let’s go!” You hold out your hand for the older girl to grab and when she does you all but drag her to where all the girls gather.

As Beth goes around the room with the hat full of names, you sit with Leah in comfortable silence, watching the rest of the girls secretly unveil the names of the people they get.

“Anyone specific you’re hoping to get?” You ask the blonde, hoping to start some sort of conversation.

“No, not necessarily. What about you miss ‘can’t decide anything’?” Leah teases, nudging her shoulder into yours with a grin as you roll your eyes at the jab.

“I do not have that much trouble making decisions thank you very much. But the answer to your question is no, I am not hoping for anyone specific.” The older girl hums even if she doesn’t believe your first statement at all.

Beth clears her throat and gestures to the hat in front of Leah, signaling for her to pick a scrap with a name hidden inside it. Leah glares at the girl in front of her and begrudgingly picks out a white slip, but right as she begins to open it, Beth loses her balance and knocks the paper out of the defender’s hand, dropping it with the others on the floor.

“Oopsies, clumsy me. You know they always call me clumsy Beth.” She jests, picking up the pieces and putting them in the hat with the help of Leah.

“No, they don’t.” Kyra jumps in, knitting her eyebrows in confusion but Steph just shakes her head, signaling not to meddle.

Once all the slips are back in their given space, one remains in Beth’s hand.

“Here. I kept my eye on the one you dropped.” Beth smiles, handing it to Leah.

Leah doesn’t think twice about it until she opens the paper, revealing your name in cursive. She knows her cheeky friend has played a part in making sure she got your name, but secretly she was hoping to get you. Maybe, just maybe this is the way to somehow show you her longing feelings.

—

“Care to tell me who you got for secret santa.” You smirk, crossing your legs on the sofa that lies perfectly in your apartment.

“You know the point of secret santa is for it to be kept a secret.” Leah points, slumping down right next to you, stuffing a ham sandwich in her mouth that she generously hooved through your pantry and fridge to make.

“It’s only between the two of us.” You roll your eyes, scooting closer to the blonde, so close your legs knock against each other.

Leah’s stomach flutters when you place your hand on her knee and look at her with your irresistible puppy dog eyes. She squints her eyes at you and continues to chew on her sandwich slowly.

She leans in slowly and just when you think she’s about to tell you.

“No.”

“Ugh, you’re no fun.” You huff, crossing your arms over your chest and dramatically falling backward, hitting your head on the back of the sofa and slumping in an awkward position with your neck crooked in the most uncomfortable manner.

Leah and you decided to both hang out at your place like usual but instead of going out or hanging with others, you decided to stay back and watch movies and shows together. You’re both secretly grateful to be alone in each other’s presence instead of harboring many other of your friends with you.

“Tell me.” You try again.

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

“Hmm,” she pretends to think, “no.”

You finally decide to let it go, realizing you’ll never get through the stubborn girl. You both make conversation through the night, laughing and giggling at the silliest stories, even ones that aren’t even that funny to the stranger’s eye.

How much you wish to gather the courage to admit what you feel for the girl.

—

“It is the day we have all been waiting for, the secret santa gift exchange!” Beth announces dramatically as the rest of the team cheers.

“Who will be starting?” Vic asks from the corner, sitting with Alessia and Kyra.

“Ah, I thought we would start with Kim giving her present since she’s our lovely captain.” Beth gestures to the midfielder who glares back at her but stands up nonetheless.

The presents scatter all over the room while everyone rips theirs apart on their turn and smiles in joy. You have already given away your gift to Stina but have yet to receive one.

Having been so caught up in the laughter and talk of your team, you haven’t noticed your best friend nervously standing outside of the group, holding a bright-wrapped present.

“Alright, somehow we have stumbled into a stop, so who else is left?”

Leah hesitantly steps up and hands you the present with a nervous smile, shocking you that she is, in fact, your secret santa.

Thanking her, you slowly rip the wrapping paper to reveal another box you have to open, and when you do, you’re consumed by utter shock. Everyone gauges your reaction, causing it to quiet down in the room as they watch emotion flash over your face.

Your fingers trace the wooden detail of the antique you haven’t seen in years. When you open the small chest, a small tune begins to play lightly, breaking the sudden silence in the room.

A small tear runs down your cheek as you just stare at the gift, completely admired by it. Some of the girls look around in confusion while others just sit silently and watch you with an empathetic eye, hoping you’re not hurting in any way.

You suddenly remember where you are and clear your throat, standing abruptly and excusing yourself from the setting, moving with haste outside of the building. Leah is quick to follow your trail, worried that she has upset you in some way.

When Leah finally catches up to you, she keeps some space between you two, watching as you stand there, looking at the stars with the music box still in hand.

“I can’t believe you remembered.” You say softly, feeling her lingering presence without even as much as a turn off your head.

“I remember everything about you.” You turn around to meet the blonde’s eye, her having moved closer to you when you addressed her presence.

“Do you do that with everyone?”

“Do what?” She asks, knitting her eyebrows together in focus and confusion.

“Remember every little detail. The fact you found the exact match of my grandma’s old music box and even remembered me speaking about it. No one has ever paid this much attention to me.” You look down shyly, feeling embarrassed at the blunt confession.

“It seems to only be you. I’m sure you find it…”

“Weird.”

“Romantic.”

Leah looks up at you to meet your eye, mouth opening agape in surprise. Your cheeks flush red due to the cold breeze but also in fluster. You both stand in silence with soft smiles adorned on both of your faces, eyes melting into one another’s.

“I find it romantic,” you restate in reassurance, “along with sweet, generous, and warmth.”

The space between you and Leah closes in as you both lean in slowly. Your eyes flutter down to her lips and quickly lock back onto the older girl's gentle blue orbs, but right as you begin to lean in, Leah pulls away quickly.

“I’m sorry, I must have read this wrong.” You mumble, stepping further away to create a bigger gap, giving the space you think the defender needs.

“No, not at all.” Leah fetches your hand, squeezing it with a soft smile. “I have been waiting for this for so long, so I want to do it right.” She admits with a smile, causing you to now have a look of shock.

But after understanding, you return the smile and the soft squeeze of your hands.

“So would I have the honor of you accompanying me on a date, my lady?” The blonde bows down jokingly, making you bark out a laugh at her gesture.

“You will, my lord.” You say, extending your hand out with your palm curved down, allowing Leah to grab it and place a soft kiss on your skin.

You both break out into a laugh, holding onto each other’s arms and noses almost touching. Your little bubble is soon cut off by a bang on the window and a yell from inside the house.

“Steph! My plan worked. It worked!” Beth runs away from the glass, arms up in cheer while heading towards the team.

[desperate-gay]

i completely apologize for the delay on the upcoming christmas fic!

i feel like it is kind of rushed but hopefully you guys will like it when the time comes

[desperate-gay]

As expected, unbelievably gorgeous

[desperate-gay]

INGRID FIC YES

friend to wife

ingrid engen x reader

summary: to your family, she was just a friend until she became your wife

warnings: coming out, mentions of comphet, angst but comforting overall!

it’s quiet when you and ingrid step out of the car, the crisp december air nipping at your cheeks as you glance toward the familiar silhouette of your childhood home. 

christmas lights twinkle along the roofline, a warm glow spilling from the windows, and for a brief moment, you hesitate. your heart pounds in your chest, a mix of nerves and anticipation coursing through you. 

ingrid steps closer, her gloved hand finding yours, squeezing gently.

“you okay?” she asks, her voice soft, her norwegian accent wrapping around you like a comfort blanket. her eyes, steady and calm, meet yours, and you nod despite the tightness in your throat.

“yeah,” you murmur, although the weight of what you’re about to do feels monumental. this is your family. your parents, who have always pictured a version of you that you’ve long since outgrown. 

your younger siblings, who probably suspect more than you’ve let on. and now, you’re about to introduce them to ingrid—not as your best friend, not as your teammate, but as your wife.

your wife.

the word still feels surreal, even though it’s been three weeks since the day you and ingrid exchanged vows in a small, intimate ceremony at a courthouse in barcelona. it had been perfect, just the two of you with alexia, fridolina, marta, and caroline as witnesses, the simplicity of it feeling right for who you both are. 

ingrid hadn’t wanted to wait until next summer, and you, always understanding, had agreed. the euros would come and go, but this—your love, your commitment—couldn’t wait.

“we’ll be okay,” ingrid reassures you, leaning in to kiss your temple. 

“your family loves you. they’ll love us.”

you take a deep breath, letting her words ground you, and together, you walk toward the front door.

the inside of the house smells like pine and cinnamon, the comforting scent wrapping around you as soon as you step inside. your mom appears from the kitchen, a warm smile lighting up her face as she pulls you into a tight hug.

“there’s my oldest girl,” she says, holding you close before turning to ingrid. “and ingrid! it’s so good to see you again.”

you exchange pleasantries, your dad appearing from the living room to join in the greetings. your younger siblings peek around the corner, grinning as they call out your name and wave at ingrid. 

it’s all so familiar, so normal, and for a brief moment, you wonder if you should keep the truth tucked away a little longer. but then ingrid’s hand brushes yours, a silent reminder of why you’re here, and you steel yourself.

“actually,” you start, your voice a little shaky. you clear your throat, glancing at ingrid before looking back at your parents. 

“we have something to tell you.”

your mom raises an eyebrow, curiosity flickering in her eyes, while your dad leans against the counter, his arms crossed. your siblings exchange glances, their expressions a mix of intrigue and anticipation.

“ingrid is here with me because– well– she isn’t just my best friend,” you say, the words tumbling out faster than you intended. 

“she’s now my wife.”

silence.

for a moment, the only sound is the faint hum of christmas music playing from the living room. your mom blinks, her smile faltering slightly as she processes your words. your dad’s eyebrows shoot up, his mouth opening as if to speak, but no words come out. 

your siblings, on the other hand, seem less shocked. one of them—your youngest sister—lets out a quiet “i knew it,” earning a nudge from your brother.

“your wife?” your mom finally says, her voice tinged with surprise but not unkind. she looks between you and ingrid, her gaze settling on the norwegian. 

“you two got married?”

“we did,” ingrid confirms, her tone calm and steady. she steps closer, her hand finding yours again, and you draw strength from her presence. 

“three weeks ago, in barcelona. it was a small ceremony, just the two of us and a couple of friends.”

your dad exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair as he looks at the rings placed on the ring finger of your hand. 

“why didn’t you tell us sooner?” he asks, his tone more bewildered than upset.

you swallow hard, your grip on ingrid’s hand tightening. “it wasn’t easy for me to accept who i was, for not being what I thought was ‘normal’,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. 

“for so long, i thought i was... someone else. someone straight. and it wasn’t until i met ingrid in wolfsburg that i started to understand myself and everything else.”

your mom’s expression softens, her eyes filling with something you can’t quite place—understanding, maybe, or compassion. she steps closer, reaching out to touch your arm.

“sweetheart,” she says gently, “you could’ve told us. we love you, no matter what.”

“i know,” you say quickly, tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. 

“but i was scared. scared of disappointing you guys,.”

your dad steps forward then, placing a hand on your shoulder. “you’re our daughter,” he says firmly. 

“that’s never going to change. and if ingrid makes you happy, then we’re happy for you and our new daughter-in-law.”

the relief that washes over you is almost overwhelming, and you feel the tears spill over as you nod, a small, shaky smile tugging at your lips. ingrid squeezes your hand, her own eyes glistening with emotion.

“thank you,” she says softly, her voice directed at your parents. 

“that means a lot to both of us.”

your mom smiles, wiping at her own eyes before pulling ingrid into a hug. “welcome to the family,” she says, her voice warm and sincere. 

“we already loved you, but now you’re officially one of us.”

your siblings chime in then, teasing you about keeping such a big secret while also expressing their excitement. your youngest sister, always the bold one, asks if she can call ingrid her sister-in-law now, and you can’t help but laugh.

“you’ll have to wait for the ceremony in 2026,” ingrid jokes, earning a round of groans and laughter.

“2026?” your mom repeats, her brow furrowing. “why so far away?”

“the euros,” you explain. 

“ingrid will be playing for norway, and i’ll be with our country. it’s going to take up most of next year, so we figured 2026 would give us time to plan something special.”

“well,” your dad says, clapping his hands together, “we’ll be there, no matter when or where it is.”

the rest of the evening is filled with laughter and stories, the initial tension melting away as your family embraces the news. sitting at the kitchen island later, you watch as ingrid chats with your mom, their voices low and easy, as if they’ve known each other forever. 

your dad is in the living room with your siblings, showing them old photo albums, and for the first time in a long time, you feel a deep sense of peace.

this is what you’ve always wanted—acceptance, not just from your family, but from yourself. and now, with ingrid by your side, you finally have it.

masterlist

[desperate-gay]

Literally anything Sonnett or Kelley Christmas

ok ok i kinda wanna do kelley so what would you like to see anon?

[desperate-gay]

Secret Santa tonight pleaseeee?

i will try my best anon🫡

[desperate-gay]

second christmas fic is coming soon🎄