#i think i’ll delete this later
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no ones gonna see this but being fr rn i give up with these damn themes on here, pure sweats (i’m jealous). idk how y’all do it but it makes me grunt in despair. LIKE HOWWW, and mind you them wp themes i was making back in 2019? PURE FIREEEEEEE 🗣️ i lost all my skills man. i miss dem days 😔 (rip wp 2018-2021 era)
#plz someone reassure me hold my hand and tell me it’s ok#i miss peak wattpad tho fr fr#she was a real one#ok no whoever is reading this am i weird?#maybe i’m just crashing out#dw sweetpea i’m ok 😌#cute#aesthetic#let me tickle ur toes#😜#i think i’ll delete this later#mha#bnha#i love toji#toji fushiguro#😩
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Can we have a TIIIIINY spoiler
lol okay (I’m just gonna assume u mean my deer nanny?)
Honestly idk when i’ll articulate this short comic that takes place in the au. But it’s called “Bises”
#I think I know what yall are looking for hahah#I’ll probably delete this later#this sketch is just so messy hahaha#radioapple
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hey shoutout to middle school me, who (during the FNaF 4 era) drafted an AU where a vengeful Crying Child was the real murderer behind the entire franchise—having possessed his own father in order to kill his bullies and stuff their bodies into the suits as ironic retribution (the MCI), leaving a tragically confused William to deal with the aftermath and consequences. it’s not nearly as funny as what I ended up with but damn was it interesting.
#vengeful david has carried through to the modern era because i refused to give him up#and he’s still very morally gray#but not nearly as “evil” as he once was#and innocent william has always been fascinating to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#“it was you. we *all* saw you do it.”#will: “um. i *think* i’d remember killing kids.”#it was a simpler time. michael was toy freddy.#meta talks#i’ll probably delete this later
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On Swansea’s (often understated) role in Mouthwashing
I say this as a big swansea fan but I don’t rlly understand why ppl are acting like he’s not also complicit in what happened to Anya? AUs where “Anya tells Swansea” and he jumps to violently defend her don’t make sense to me because canonically she does tell him, as he admits to Jimmy. But swansea represents another way of interacting with the capitalist heteropatriarchy that ALSO harms victims: holistic jadedness and resignation.
Swansea is across the board unkind to the Tulpar crew. We can’t forget that he calls anya a “so-called nurse”
and says this to Jimmy, which (if unintentionally) reiterates Jimmy’s own warped perception of Anya’s usefulness and competence. This allows Jimmy to feel justified in his imagination of the nurse’s inferiority. Swansea’s clear lack of respect for Jimmy does less to hurt Jimmy than his lack of respect for Anya harms Anya, because at the end of the day, Swansea’s attitude is contextualized by the violent culture it exists in and he does nothing to reconcile with that when Jimmy becomes the captain. His resignation can thus be weaponized even by Jimmy, a man who Swansea disrespects but whose power he doesn’t try to meaningfully jeopardize, because his across-the-board disdain punches people already marginalized by the environment twice as hard as it does those with power.
Swansea doesn’t position himself as an ally, he positions himself as willfully uninvolved in everything, an observer to the shitshow ride to hell. Just because he dislikes Jimmy doesn’t mean he aligns with Anya. He makes it clear that he’s not on her side, either. After a life of doing what he felt was expected of him, Swansea on the Tulpar looks out for Swansea and Swansea’s comfort. In trying to situate himself outside of the politics of it all as an older white man, he simply allows them to play out. The toxic culture keeps existing, playing out in the microcosm that is this freighter, and Swansea in all his experience recognizes that shit has hit the fan and elects to coast through it, even explicitly numbing himself to it by breaking his sobriety. It is, of course, hard to force yourself to be sober—to see clearly. But had Swansea forced himself to get involved sooner, he might have set a precedent for Daisuke to recognize Jimmy’s abuse, which could have saved Daisuke’s life as well as created a safe space for Anya. But Swansea’s inaction forces both victims to confront an abuser on their own, unable to reap benefits from his privilege and experience.
Jimmy is clearly intimidated by swansea in a way he is not by Anya, Daisuke, or a post-crash Curly (Swansea, for example, physically manifests as an aggressor in Jimmy’s “responsibility sequences”, and Jimmy ties Swansea up to avoid what he sees as the real possibility of pushback that he doesn’t conceive of Anya being able to do). Swansea has a power he does not act on or with until it is far, far too late. In fact, he acknowledges in his final monologue that he was dissatisfied with the discomfort with opening his eyes and living an exemplary “good man”s life. The best days of his life are ones in which he’s belligerently drunk—days in which he didn’t have to hold himself accountable. He regrets the life he spent performing for higher-ups and we watch him reject it by scorning Captain Jimmy, but he also doesn’t want to be held responsible for helping other people when it’s their turn to endure the expectations and violence from similar (if not the same) higher powers. Tragically, he possesses the hindsight to recognize that how he acted on the Tulpar consequently wasn’t what Daisuke needed out of a role model, leading to Daisuke becoming a victim. His hands-off approach to emotional engagement with his young male intern (another symptom of patriarchal gender norms) may have been to avoid Daisuke turning out miserable and jaded like himself, but it doesn’t actually indicate to an already-confused Daisuke what the dangers of that attitude are. Swansea never admits his own shortcomings in a tangible way which, had they come from a man with experience and prestige like himself, may have shifted that culture that failed Anya. She comes to him with the story not because he has situated himself as any earnest friend, but likely out of desperation on a ship Jimmy now controls.
When we allow “the machine” (Swansea’s own words) to beat us down to the point that we don’t find it productive to challenge unjust power dynamics, we become complicit. I think too many people get hung up on his disdain for Jimmy and Jimmy’s fear of Swansea as a marker of allyship with Anya, but the truth is that Swansea. Is a bad ally. He’s hardly one at all. His long stint in the demanding capitalist environment molded a perfectly complicit result out of him, as it aspires to do, even if Swansea bitterly recognizes that. Jimmy’s overt violence from a position of power is a different and much more brutal approach to abuse enabled by people who have been left too tired and bitter to care that he does it. A man who could’ve intimidated and even threatened Jimmy is too resigned to try until there is literally nobody but himself left to fight for, which is an attitude carefully cultivated among the lower rungs of hierarchies to keep the top safe. Swansea in particular seems very unhappy with the capitalistic, patriarchal expectations laid out for him as a father, husband, and laborer. This becomes particularly resonant when you realize the symbolism of his role as mechanic: a job that can be deeply unpersonal, tasked with keeping the ship (the machine, if you will) itself going while other roles are more focused on managing the humans inside of it (e.g. nurse, captain). His decision to just stop trying and spare himself the grief instead of questioning why those expectations exist and how they would hurt the others onboard only delays him being directly targeted by Jimmy and doesn’t interrupt the latter’s violence.
Not a single man in mouthwashing is innocent in Anya’s victimhood. This is a statement tentatively uninclusive of Daisuke, because I think the game very deliberately positions him outside of manhood through his youth and thus struggling with the concept of “fitting in” to the patriarchy. Curly, Jimmy, and Swansea all represent different failures that ultimately perpetuate Anya’s suffering and force her to defend herself and finally take her life into her own hands. A holistic analysis of rape culture in MW necessarily engages with all three of them. Only not being a friend and ally to rapists and other male abusers isn’t enough, and Swansea proves it.
#mouthwashing#not sure I worded this as well as I would’ve liked to because I just woke up#but I’m standing by it for now#I think people don’t think enough about what swansea represents in the story and thus water him down#but with such a small cast we have to realize that everyone is deliberately written with meaning#maybe I’ll delete this later if I feel it was misarticulated#again I like swansea this isn’t meant to start some swansea hate train#I’m just glad that ppl are understanding Curly’s role as an enabler and I want that critical thinking to extend#even to characters we are inclined to like on their face because they’re also mean to Jimmy#.txt 🌊#mouthwashing game#swansea mouthwashing#this post is dedicated to my good friend al who is the resident swansea guy in my mind and talked thru this w me#ily my goat
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One of my favorite things about the ASL Brothers is the fact that Ace was the one brought out the sake and proposed becoming brothers.
Not Luffy or Sabo but Ace.
Ace, who believes he is unlovable, Ace who believes that his blood is dirty, Ace who believes that he didn’t deserve to be born, Ace who thinks that his life is worthless, Ace who believes that his mere existence is a crime.
And yet Ace saw these two boys and approached them without apprehension or fear of rejection even though he was proposing something as irrevocable, something as bonding as brotherhood
#not to mention ace had these thoughts bc this is how the WORLD sees him#that world put these thoughts into his head and made him believe that#but sabo and luffy only see him. not gol d. or even portgas d. but just ace.#the way ace knew that they wanted this just as much as he did#like he is theirs and they are his and he knew that#i remember learning that ace proposed it and being *so surprised*#cause we had just seen that ace had no self worth and hated himself#but he knew that they accepted him and that they wanted him in their lives#and he decided to make it permanent#they are his family. they are his safe place. they love him unconditionally.#DO YOU GUYS GET WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY#goddd these brothers make me so ill#it’s 2am so if this doesn’t make sense that’s why#i am thinking so many thoughts#i’ll probably delete this later#portgas d. ace#asl brothers#one piece#concha speaks#asl rambles#concha posts
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a man who just wants you and needs you and would do anything for you (gone sexual)
// this is a self-insert.. it can be abt anyone u want !! but if u need some help: atsumu, kaeya, wriothesely, shoyo.. literally anyone that’s funny but also ;) KUROO
he’s been making you laugh all night. lighthearted conversation not slowing down, and countless attempts at getting you to roll your eyes at him. he looks good, too, like, casual good. black sweats and freshly washed hair.
he’s sitting on your bed, feet flat on the floor looking up at you as you go about your business. he’s a strange guy, he says something unfunny, yet its hard to not laugh. its cringey and genuinely stupid, yet comforting all the same.
you’ve been parading some new clothes on for yourself, styling pieces for him to nod and approve at. the way you move around is everything to him. he could just watch you, permanently. he wouldn’t need his phone, or a book or a computer. just you.
and that has him hard in his pants. just watching you do your thing, your glow from previously being out, with friends and at the shops— it didn’t matter.
“hey,”
“yeah?” you cheerily turn toward him, eager to keep conversation alive.
“come here,” his smile has you complicit, walking over to him, “wanna sit?”
you look down.
eyes fluttering between how hard he is and his eyes— at how fast this all changed. he’s so pretty and you just want to nod and nod and nod to him, that you’d do anything with him.
“yes, i do. yeah, okay. i don’t wanna hurt you, though, so—”
“here,” he interrupts you, guiding your hips down, “yeah, just like that,” the genuine smile on his face gives you courage.
neither of you dare to move once you’re fully sat, no one shifting or grinding, just resting on each other.
“do you feel what you do to me?” he almost laughs in exasperation. everything he says is so genuine, “i’m hard just thinking about you.” the honesty hurts.
the man underneath you is everything. he’s so sincere now that he’s not trying to make you laugh, not trying to make you roll your eyes at the stupid things he says. he doesn’t have to work for your attention.
“can i move?” you whisper, his cock so painfully there. your eyes don’t move from his.
“yeah, just— shit,” he hisses, “fuck. slowly. just rock back and forth a little.”
and it’s so easy. it’s so easy and he’s looking right at you and he’s telling you how good it feels, and god, don’t you know how long he’s wanted this for?
“is this okay? i mean, does it feel good? am i doing—”
“perfect,” he reaches a hand up to the back of your head, “it’s perfect.” his large hand pulls your head down to his, face to face with what you’re doing, who you’re doing.
he looks down at your lips, breaking the unbreakable eye contact you’d had so far, and presses his lips against yours. your hips stutter here and there, unused to the motion, but desperate to keep it there.
“let me take care of you.”
you nod.
his hands are polite on your hips, firm in how he handles you. he slides himself to the head of the bed, patting right between his open legs.
“saved you a spot,” he grins. and you remember this is the same man from an hour ago. you roll your eyes, yet sit right there, your back pressed to his chest, “this okay?” he says with his hands so close to your waistband. you nod again.
“you’re very compliant with me.” he says, and there’s nothing— no words, that could justify that. because he’s right, “i almost expected you to laugh at me more.” his slender fingers dip beneath your clothes, and he’s kind of an asshole, but he’s touching you so nicely.
“oh,” you grab onto his wrist, “feels good,” he nods against your skin.
his other hand just wants to feel you. the outside of your neck, the crease in your elbow. the curve of your ear, the shape of your breasts.
it’s obsessive.
your head drops onto his shoulder, your eyes turning to meet his and you realise he’s been looking at you this whole time. you avert your eyes, a slight red brushing your cheeks.
he’s still looking at you with a slight smile on his face. “you shy?”
“a little,” you reply for integrity’s sake.
he absolutely beams.
all the while you can feel him right against your back. he’s right there. just playing with you, hooked on every whimper and moan and twitch he can get from you.
“i’ve been waiting so long for you, you have no idea.” his sincerity is overwhelming and so are his fingers.
you nod. because that’s all you can do. “another, another. please.” you pant towards him.
“another what? tell me what you want.” he’s smiling, you can feel it.
“finger. please. can i, please?” oh, he melts. your voice softening for him and your body tense against his cock, he feels like he’s going to cum in his pants. he might.
“of course. whatever you want.” his free hand glides against your jaw, fingers grazing the side of your neck. he needs to kiss it, and bite it and leave something there. maybe as proof that this is real, that he has you how he wants you. feeling good.
so he does, he laps at your neck slowly. his fingers don’t stop fingering you, but he raises his thumb to rub at you. and that has you really going. twitching back into him, jumpy moans and sweet noises coming from you, uncontrollably it seems. your hand goes to cover your mouth.
“don’t ruin a good thing, baby. move your hand. let me hear you.”
“it’s embarrassing,” you stutter out.
he grins again, teeth grazing your neck. “i know. it’s okay.”
and it’s when you cum, with hips bucking and hand gripped onto his wrist, that he doesn’t stop.
tears well up in your eyes, “i came. i came, i came,” you chant, maybe he didn’t notice, maybe he didn’t realise.
“i know.” there’s no emotion in his voice, he’s so concentrated, so invested in what he can get out of you. what sounds, what actions, the way you move. it’s like he’s on a timer, he only has so much of it with you and he needs to milk it to its fullest.
“it’s sensitive, please. it’s too much,” tears well up in your eyes.
“you gonna cry?”
you nod against him.
“i’m sorry,” he presses his lips to where he’s bitten your neck, “brave girl. tough it out.”
what he says leaves you with no choice. something clicks in your head and you nod over and over again.
you whine and cry, blubbering words and sentences that don’t make sense. sensing that you’re going to cum again, you push against his fingers.
“don’t. stay still.”
“i can’t,” you whine, “i can’t again.”
“you can.” he smiles. he smiles and smiles and all you can do is twitch and cry out.
and when you cum for him again, pleasure overwhelming every part of you, he flips you onto your back, strong hands gently laying you back.
“my turn,” his grin melts as he presses the head of his cock into you. he preens at the feeling of you hugging him, “oh fuck. feels perfect. you’re perfect.”
your eyes scrunch closed, blubbering like someone who’s forgotten speech.
he’s sliding in and out of you, wanting to feel every single centimetre of himself in you. it’s heaven and he can’t believe that this will have to end.
your head starts to hit the soft headboard, tears still pilled up from the overstimulation on your body.
and then it just stops. he pulls out of you.
“back to you baby,” his hands slide against you once more, and you know it’s going to end with you sobbing against him.
a fun night.
#you guys would crucify me if i told you who inspired this#NO TRIGGER WARNINGS WOW!!!!#the most kindest thing i’ve ever written. i think i jusy want to feel loved#sorry i’ll go back to hardcore stuff later i just need to get this out of my system#service dom#yum#genshin men#genshin smut#praise#praise k!nk#you would make me delete my page if i told you who this was based on#I DONT KNOW HOW TO TAG#haikyuu men#haikyuu smut#kaeya smut#atsumu smut#tw overstim#overstim kink#OVERSTIM#HE BEAMS BC U R HAPPY he is the man of all time
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collection of wreck it ralph drawings
ew this guy
#i might delete this later#:(#I don’t like how it turned out#art#wir#wreck it Ralph#turbo#sergeant calhoun#fix it felix#sonic#sonic wir#turbo twins (briefly)#redoing of old hcs#I’ll make this look better some other time#I just wanted to share these#hero’s cuties#snowanna rainbeau#my favorite racer#I’d tag handplates but it’s only a mention nah I don’t think I will#even then I’m only referring to the ugakaga version#he’s probably collecting dust in my files . oops#yap yap yap#if you’re reading this hello :3#this is probably too long I’ll shut up now lol#more apps should let you ramble in the tags it’s so fun to me
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IM DONE WITH MY FINALS WEEK
#FURIOSA LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO#also. expect more art HIHI#oh i migjt open up comission actually. i’ll think about it 🙏#delete later
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Technoblade grief is hitting again and I just wanna talk about it a bit somewhere so if you don’t wanna read about it, please scroll away. I’m not really writing this with the intention of anyone to read it anyways but I want it to be out there somewhere and just get it out.
I guess I just came to the realization that all this time I only mostly became ok with it because subconsciously it’s like I’m waiting for him and I am fine with waiting but it really just hit me to know that no matter what, he’s never coming back.
There are so many possibilities and so many variables and there’s so many chances for all the little things— like there’s a certain probability that my towel will fall to the floor when I close the door or there’s a certain probability that I’ll get a Rubik’s cube right if I keep twisting it around eventually or even a probability that I’ll get hit by lightning. The world is full of so many probabilities even if they are minuscule but never once in all of those probabilities is there a chance for him to be back even just once.
I always thought about how large infinity is but I thought about it in the sense of immortality or how big something would be— now I am thinking about it in the sense that I could wait and live for eternity and he still would never exist again. I could freeze myself and be thawed out in hundreds or thousands of years in the future and still he will be gone.
In my head things that were everlasting were always fictional. I associated it with things like vampires or hypotheticals like a hotel with infinite rooms that could never exist because infinity like that could never be real. It’s just hard to comprehend that death is the one thing that is everlasting and Technoblade is and will forever be dead. It still just doesn’t feel real.
It doesn’t matter what I do or how much I accomplish or change or what happens in the world, nothing will ever bring him back. I’m used to nothing really being permanent and it’s just taking a lot of time to swallow and come to terms with just how permanent death is.
I don’t know if I’ll ever fully process it.
#tw // death#technoblade#vent#i think?#not sure how I’m supposed to tag this#I feel dumb for this#so I’ll probably delete later on?#I’m mostly just tagging so people can avoid/mute this
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Woke up with hatered in my heart for Meet The Robinsons, always fucking hated that movie as a child as the time travel stressed me out sm due to how the future was handled, I hated futuristic stuff that looks like that. I still do tbh ☠️ and time travel movies have always stressed me out because I don’t like people changing the past!! Stop! Leave it aloneeeee! Also this probably explains my love for old timey shit. It’s just better okay. Futuristic shit looks like ASS!!!!
#I seriously have woken up multiple times thinking about how I hate this movie why does my brain default to this#I have trauma over this ok /jjjjjjj#ok I’m going back to bed#meet the robinsons#BUT I LOVE INTERSTELLAR AND SCI-FI MOVIES I MAKE ZERO SENSE#I hated how the future was shown at the end of interstellar though that was stressful…#Like I would not want to live there#I think. I just don’t like major amounts of change ☠️☠️#ewwww flying cars boooooo (I don’t think those were in interstellar actually)#I’ll probably delete this when I wake up later and realize I wrote down my insane ramblings#Sci-ficand futuristic stuff look different in my mind you don’t get it
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i think the made in abyss concert today pressed some kind of healing reset button on my soul btw
#i cried a lot. a lot#then i came home and realized i didnt want to just sit at home and waste time#so i went out and sat in two different food courts drawing for two hours#it was a direct demonstration to me if the fact that rotting at home isn’t my natural state#seeking stimulation and challenge is. but there’s something broken in how i do it where I can’t start by myself#left to my own devices i can rot in place for weeks or literal years#i don’t want that for myself any more i know i can get better#I’ve been creating a lot in the past week and i need to keep it up#and apply the same thinking to career stuff (JET is hopefully a ‘have job and place to live while reevaluating yourself’ cushion/launchpad)#I don’t want to give up on myself#!!!!!!!!!! i want to live to see the golden city!!!!!!!#what an insane post I’ll delete it later and maybe do an actual writeup about the concert#orphan hole tag
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would y’all jump me if I said I genuinely see nolan as autistic??
bc he checks a lot of the boxes for a diagnosis also mark is so nd coded to me too
Also ok list of reasons why nolan is autistic TO ME this is just a HEADCANON
i dont hc as him as autistic just because he struggles to display emotions also in the comic the other viltrumites adapt to earth ALOT better than nolan did bc nolan is always struggling with his emotions and displaying them even in the endgame of the comic
-He’s incredibly socially inept and does not understand social cues, yes this is an alien thing but Idc it’s an autistic thing too people have always used fantasy and scifi species in place of real life groups of people for either sexuality or mental illness reasons
-struggles to keep / maintain friendships
- always tends to prefer wearing very tight fitting clothes over loose ones
-He struggles immensely with change, he literally would rather die
-He feels things very deeply but struggles to verbalize those emotions
-is capable of talking at length for long periods of time about things he is knowledgeable about (infodumping)
-Struggles with displaying empathy, it was always there he didn’t just learn it on thraxa that’s just the first time he found himself able to begin expressing it more at the lowest point of his life (shoutout to my friend fio for pointing this out so eloquently u get me fr)
-I can’t say ab his canon eating habits bc we don’t get much of a look at them sadly :b
#i’ll probably delete this later#but yes pls don’t take this as me woobifying him I just genuinely believe he’s got a lot of symptoms and I’m also autistic so#sm ppl hc mark as autistic or some kind of nuerodivergent where do u think it came from?#not debbie that’s for sure! she’s the neuroatypical holding that family together#I think we should let autistics maim and kill#let autistics be messy and fucked uo individuals !! not everyone is a uwu baby#invincible#nolan grayson#mark grayson#omniman#omni man
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i tried to do a lil something with my hair for a change!
#i think i’ll go a deeper red next time or something#i was a lil hesitant to do much w/ my hair since it’s been awhile#new year new me they say right lmao#delete later lols
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Maybe it’s too early for me to say this (I’m only on ep 3), but I’ve already seen people online saying that Jentry should be with Kit or Stella instead of Michael and it’s giving…😒
#we already saw jentry & Michael’s chemistry in ep 1 and they’re really cute together#very apparent they like each other#obviously I’m still early in but I highly doubt something will come up about Michael’s character that’s make me think he’s not a good match#yes ppl can have fun shipping however they please but the way these posts are worded & popping up ->#yall clearly don’t like that the main love interest is black#and would rather jentry be with anyone else#there are already many video essays on this (usually about black female love interests)#but yeah that’s what it’s giving#anyways the way the show is progressing I think multiple ships would be fun don’t get me wrong#but why are ppl so adamantly counting out Michael 👀#I’ll delete this later if i find something substantial once i finish the series#it#just thoughts#jentry chau vs the underworld
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so how are your working weeks going i just logged on to my server where i keep my data and code only to find out there was a powercut and the ENTIRE SERVER is corrupted………….
#try and have a worse week than me.#for context i have to get a conference presentation done by end of this week#i did cry very angrily and that’s okay#genuinely already at burnout im isolating like hell and not sleeping well and think everyone is mad at me all of the time#do NOT do as i do lmao#well this is the reality of it all i guess#PhD life#delete later#bc I’ll get embarrassed i said too much
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✨New Seekers of Soul Chapter out this Sunday, 6/23, at 7:00pm EST!✨
#little bit of a late notice sorry#I’ll be on the road and I wasn’t sure I could get it posted on time#but I think I’ve got it figured out#tesh talks#delete later
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