#i think i put karma on a breakup playlist

[retrogradedreaming]

23, 8, and 89?

Grace these are some of my favorites on this entire list omg. Riot! is on one of my wip playlists, so I've been listening to it a lot the last couple months

23: Karma by AJR

8: Poison by Jet Black Alley Cat

89: Riot! by Arrested Youth

[wongpuppy]

MOMENTS II, johnny seo

↳ Rating angst + fluff

↳ Pairing bestfriend!Johnny x Y/N

↳ Word count  5.4k [ part I + part II ]

↳ Summary you fell in love with bestfriend!Johnny in a series of moments

“Wait for me.” 

Johnny’s able to mutter out once he gets out of the hammock. 

His eyes were glued to you, and have been ever since you told him to say something. And Johnny wanted to look away so fucking bad but he couldn’t. The whole time he watched you, he felt his fists clench and heart twist over and over again. He’d never see you so broken, so small. Not even when you left Sehun, this was pure hurt and embarrassment. Yet he couldn’t look away. 

It was like he was making sure you weren’t going to say or do anything more. Because you have never caught Johnny off guard like that before, and he wasn’t used to a spontaneous Y/N. 

He takes one lasting look at you with a very clenched fist before he wills himself to get back to his apartment. Johnny knew you and he knew talking was the last thing you were going to do, holding back all your tears. He looks down to his opened fist, seeing heavily evident nail marks. 

So Johnny forces himself to walk away, to take a step back.

Because in the four years Johnny had known you, he’s only ever managed to keep one secret from you; why exactly him and Ruby broke up. And up until now, Johnny hadn’t let himself think much about it. That’s exactly why he couldn’t see or be around you, because he knew he fucked up bad. 

He looks back at you right before he leaves the balcony, and instantly regrets it when your eyes meet for maybe the third time since this all begun.

Your eyes were filled with so much pain and sadness, Johnny’s steps immediately faulted and hesitated before exiting your balcony. He stands there for a second until knew that the last thing he could do right now is help you, no matter how badly he wanted to. 

So he forces himself to keep walking out of your apartment (and locking it with his spare key), get in his car, and drive home. In the car, music plays in the background but not in Johnny’s mind, his head too full with scenes of you looking up and stars stuck in your eyes, how the more your eyes teared up, the more and more it reflected the sky and all its stars-

Yeah. Johnny needed to stop thinking. At a red light, he quickly flips through his playlists and cranks up the volume to Beethoven’s sonata no. 14.

The songs melancholy notes blare through the speakers and Johnny feels himself relax against the drivers seat and focus on the piano keys. But the more this particular song played and the closer Johnny got to his apartment, he realized that this was your favorite Beethoven song. And instantly, Johnny’s shoulders drop and he feels a tear fall from his right eye. More and more, tears fell right after each other while Johnny drove home. His heart felt like it was being torn apart the farther he got away from you and into the song.

Once he parks his car, Johnny sits in the drivers seat for a second holding the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles went white. Face wet with the remnants of tears and sobs, Johnny felt stuck in his seat. As much as he wanted to go back to you and comfort you, he couldn’t trust what he would do. Johnny was going through so many emotions and memories, he felt like he was going to blow up at any point. Wiping the last of his tears, he gets out of the car and can’t help but whip the door shut.

Going up the building, Johnny quickly closes the door to his apartment and leans against the front door. All he does is lean against the door and keep his eyes on the floor. Out of everything he thought could happen today, you confessing your feelings wasn’t one of them. And out of everything that could be brought back up from his past, it’s his break up with Ruby. 

Johnny shuts his eyes tightly. He slides down his door until he’s sitting in front of it with this head in his hands. He knew karma had a funny way of messing up his life. 

The only person who knew about the break up was Jaehyun, Johnny’s other best friend. He was pretty close to the younger guy, having known him a long time, but there was something about Y/N that made Johnny almost magnetized to you. 

Johnny reaches for his phone and scrolls through his contacts before clicking on Jaehyun’s name, putting it on loudspeaker and closing his eyes. 

“What’s up, Johnno?” Jaehyuns lively voice answered. 

“Its Y/N, Jaehyun.” Johnny pinches the bridge of his nose. “Something happened, she-” 

“She knows you cheated on Ruby, doesn’t she?” 

There it is. The disgusting, dreadful secret. 

Johnny sort of wiped the whole memory of the breakup clean as if it never happened, not wanting to go through what had happened two years ago. 

“Shit, bro, no. She doesn’t. Not yet, anyway.” Johnny rests his head back on his front door. “I’m just going to have to tell her at some point.” 

Jaehyun’s quiet on the other end of the call. 

When Johnny told him, it had just happened and Jaehyun refused to talk to his best friend for around 2 weeks before he forgave him. And it took Jaehyun a lot not to punch him square in the face for a long time.

Jaehyun knows Johnny fucked up, but he also knows that Johnny understands he fucked up and has been trying to make up for it since.

“Y/N’s gonna freak the fuck out, bro.”

Both the boys knew you, Johnny obviously a lot more. But even Jaehyun knew the amount of hatred you had for cheaters, being cheated on by the first guy you dated (Simon or whatever) and Sehun. They both knew cheating was the end zone for you, your own blacklist.

“I know, Jae, thanks for stating the obvious.” Johnny groans and his feet taps rapidly on the floor. “I’m so fucked.”

“Does she know about your feelings for her too?”

Fuck me. Johnny clears his throat with a groan. “No, Jaehyun. She doesn’t.”

Johnny knew how messy the situation he got himself into was. But he couldn’t help it, you were right, something did happen two years ago. But unlike you, Johnny didn’t allow himself to relish in moments of awe at you, he just refused to ever let himself think there was a chance for the two of you to ever work out.

Because Johnny plainly knew that he was not good enough. Because Johnny was a cheater, and you stuck to the saying ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. Because Johnny knew that once he told you, you wouldn’t see him as Johnny, your best friend. You’ll just see him as a cheater.

Because Johnny was scared. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt you, and look at how shit he was already doing.

So Johnny held his breath and tucked away those feelings for two years. Jaehyun only knew because he cornered him a year ago with a suspicious glance. But as far as he knew, you didn’t have an ounce of a clue of his true feelings. And tonight solidified that.

Jaehyun whistles on the other end and sighs. “You guys are the closest people I know, I can’t imagine the two of you not being on good terms.”

You should’ve seen what just went down then bro, Johnny thinks to himself. He swallows thickly, wanting to change the topic. “I just can’t bullshit when I tell her. I just need to go out and say it, no beating around the bushes.”

“And don’t make any excuses.” Jaehyun adds. “You fucked up and you know it, make sure she knows that.”

Johnny’s quiet for a while, taking in everything that he would have to say to you. “Okay. Thank you, man. I owe you, big time.”

“Always, bro.” Jaehyun says on the other line. “Give her time, Johnny. Let me know how it goes when it does.”

The phone call ends and Johnny thought he’d feel somewhat better at this point but he really doesn’t. He feels just as shitty as he did when he first saw your face when he said he needed to go. Johnny’s mind is still too clouded in scenes of you with stars in your eyes. You looked so raw and open, it hurt Johnny unimaginably that he hasn’t been the same to you.

Best friends told each other everything, even the worst parts. Realizing that he held back something as big as cheating from you made Johnny feel like pure shit. 

How he’d gone two years without telling you is insane to him now.

Johnny pulls out his airpods from his pocket and puts them on, playing more of Beethoven. The last thing he wanted was to be alone in the silence where his thoughts could shout and plague Johnny’s mind. 

So like clockwork, Johnny gets on with his nightly routine. A glass of water, quick wash and moisturize of his face, before dressing down to boxers, and getting into bed.

But this time, Johnny doesn’t fall asleep in 5 or 10 minutes. Johnnys wide awake all night. Eyes locked on the ceiling on top of him and Chopin playing gloomy music through his earphones.

Throughout the whole sleepless night, your face had been the only thing on his mind. He couldn’t help but feel a bit dumbstruck repeating those moments of you in his head over and over. For a second, Johnny allowed himself to see you as his.

What if he grinned from ear to ear instead, nodding with fire in his eyes at you? “Y/N, I’m crazy in love with you, I have been for two-“

Johnny stops when he realizes a tear slipping from his left eye. He shuts his eyes quickly and holds his hands up to cover them. Get a fucking grip, Johnny. But the more and more he kept telling himself that, the more he felt himself crumble. It isn’t long until he’s a mess on his bed, throat scratchy and raw from the wretched, vocal cries.

And to think Johnny had never cried as many times in 20+ years as he had tonight.

Thats basically how it went for the next two days. Johnny isolated himself to his bedroom, bathroom, UberEats, Debussy, and Bach. Not going to classes and taking a few sick days from work, Johnny really didn’t feel like going through any day without you.

It was kinda dumb how much you’ve woven yourself into Johnny’s life, subconsciously becoming almost a necessity in it.

If one of you didn’t sleep over, theres always a morning text followed by ‘ride?’, and thats just how easy friendship was to the two of you. Johnny always brought an extra bottle of water wherever he was with you because you would always finished yours and drank his. You always kept a mini umbrella in your bag because last year Johnny kept complaining about his bad luck of being caught up in rain with no umbrella. And you’d go help him no matter where you were or what you were doing.

Johnny wakes up quietly on the third day, different to waking up in cold sweats and sobs from nightmares the first two days. He looks at the time on his phone with a low groan. 6:30am with no alarm. Classic morning bird Johnny.

He lays back on his bed with an arm behind his head and eyes focused on the ceiling.

His days seemed to drag on longer, hours lasting years, ever since the two of you stopped talking. Previously, the longest the two of you gone without talking at all (other than sleeping) was just a day. And that was because Johnny worked a double shift interning at a hospital shadowing a doctor and obviously, the two of you weren’t in a fight.

On the third day, Johnny had the intense need to reach out to you. He’d catch himself last minute before sending a text or requesting a facetime. He didn’t know what it was, the first two days Johnny allowed himself to wallow in sadness, and now, it was like he was aching for your company.

But still, Johnny shook the thought off. These few days, he had also been thinking quite hard about what to say and how exactly to say it. Because he knew it was all bad he just wanted to know if there was any way he could soften the blow (there weren’t). So, third day in and Johnny barely had a fairly thought-through idea in his head.

Clearing his throat, Johnny shuts the curtains closed and scrambles back in bed. He couldn’t trust himself or what he was going to say, not wanting to mess things up even more. Curling up on his side, Johnny closes his eyes and feels himself drift off to sleep, imagining you right beside him. Thats really how the most of the day went, Johnny falling in and out of sleep, the blackout curtains making it seem like night time 24/7.

At some point, Johnny couldn’t stand the helpless, cruel dreams of you and him and grabs his phone checking the time. 8:26pm. He knew barely getting sleep in two days would catch up to him. Karma, you see, always made sure to kick Johnny’s ass real good.

After a few more minutes in bed, Johnny gets out and goes to his kitchen with a stretch and roll of his shoulders. He puts in coffee into his French press and leans against the counter. Looking around his kitchen and living room, Johnny sighs.

He barely left his room for good measure. His apartment was filled with fragments and memories of you in every piece of furniture, it almost scared Johnny. You chose the couch and carpet, you’d spend every Tuesday nights in the kitchen cooking for your weekly taco Tuesdays-

Johnny squeezed his eyes shut.

When he opens them the next second however, Johnny is caught up in a memory. A memory of the first time he told you he loved you.

A little more than a year ago, you had managed to get blackout fucked up at one of NCT’s parties. Johnny took you back to his place after you nearly stripped down and jumped into the pool in negative temperatures.

You were spinning on one of Johnny’s counter stools, giggling like an 8 year old. You kept giggling at nothing in particular and just the sight made his heart skip a beat. And for the first time in a while, he let himself indulge in his feelings.

Johnny was leaning against the exact same spot, watching you with a dopey grin and a deep laugh. He knew he only had around 3 beers but he couldn’t shake off the need to keep looking at you. “You’re gonna get sick if you keep spinning around like that.”

“Please, Johnny boy, I’m already sick as fuck.” You drag out the last word and continue spinning and giggling your head off. There it was, the dumb nickname you called him whenever you were drunk. Johnny swallowed thickly, brushing off the way you articulated his name.

Johnny grins to himself, stopping your spinning by putting his hands down and grabbing onto the stool. He leans in close to your face with a lick of his lips. His honey eyes scatter across your eyes, nose, then lips.

“How drunk are you, Y/N?”

Johnny mutters out, eyes drinking in your low eyes and wide, pearly smile.

“Very drunk. Like I won’t remember this in the morning.” You grin like you just said something good. Then, you cross your hands and narrow a brow, smirking at him. “Why, you gonna kiss me, Johnny boy?”

“No.” He says quickly, pretending he didn’t hear those exact words from you.

Johnny picks you up easily and walks over to his room with you in his arms. He puts you on the bed and walks to his bathroom to get the makeup wipes you left. He comes back and sits down close to you to remove your make up. He leans back into you and when you don’t react in any way, Johnny clears his throat, using the fact that you wouldn’t remember this to his advantage.

“I’m in love with you, Y/N. I feel a lot of things for you and I’m terrified.”

Drunk you grins up at Johnny, not fully processing the intensity behind his words. Johnny wished this was real and actually going on, seeing the smile on your face at his words. And god, did it feel good to say out loud. He felt the weight of thousands of bricks slip off his shoulders and he takes a deep breath.

Johnny looks back at you with a half smile. “And I really can’t imagine my life without you.”

Johnny shakes his head, attempting to shake off all the memories that came along. He knew he’s heard your words before, repetition of a drunken memory of his own confession. What were the odds.

But the memory of the way it felt to tell you he loved you stuck to him, and he completely forgets why he was in the kitchen until the French press steams up.

So Johnny quickly presses it and makes himself coffee in an 8 ball spherical mug (because every mug was chosen by you and was well, crazy).

“I still don’t know how you can drink coffee without anything.”

Johnny jumps at the sound of your voice, turning around to check behind him with his heart racing. “Fuck.” Johnny curses, a hand clenching his chest. Just another memory. Johnny felt like he was being haunted.

He stands in his kitchen for a few seconds before he utters ‘fuck it’, running to his room and throwing on a random pair of jeans and a large hoodie. Grabbing his keys and wallet, Johnny runs out of his apartment without a second thought.

When he’s in his car, Johnny pulls out his phone and clicks on your chat. He gulps nervously.

Johnny: i need to see you please @8:47pm

Johnny: text me Y/N please @8:48pm

He sits there for a second before starting up and driving to your apartment complex, the usual 7 minute drive taking double as long because of Johnny’s nerves.

Y/N: when? @9:03pm

Johnny: are you free now? @9:03pm

Y/N: yeah @9:04pm

Johnny: okay im coming up @9:04pm

Y/N: youre down?? @9:04pm

He dismisses the last text from you and parks his car, taking his time to get into and up your building to your apartment. Johnny never felt so nervous before in his life, standing in front of your door. He didn’t know what to expect to come from this, not even knowing why he was here to begin with.

Johnny lifts his fists to knock on your door.

Theres a few minutes before the door opens and Johnny tries to take the time to collect and calm his thoughts and emotions but almost the opposite thing happens. He just feels his emotions spike and the temperature pick up standing in front of your door.

Once the door opens, Johnnys eyes zip up from the floor to you and he feels his heart squeeze.

Three whole days without you made Johnny feel like water was taken away from him and this was the first sip in years. Your features are coaxed in a layer of tiredness and sadness, clinging onto your skin. And Johnny felt like you were the most beautiful thing he’s seen. The shape of your eyes and eyelashes, the curve of your lips, the pink of your cheeks, Johnny loved it all.

“Y/N, I-uh… I.” Johnny clears his throat and already feels tears prickle the corner of his eyes. “Fuck, Y/N. I love you. I am in love with you.”

Johnny watches the confusion in your eyes slowly vanish, instead filling up with pure happiness. It killed him. Your lips start to curl up and the first tear falls from Johnnys eyes.

“N-No, Y/N, you don’t understand.”

Your eyes drop again, head congested with so many mixed emotions. You didn’t know what was going on and plainly, Johnny didn’t either.

“Help me understand then, Johnny.” Motioning for him to get inside, Johnny follows with a sniffle of his nose.

The both of you sat on your living room couch and when you reach out to hold Johnnys hand, he takes it back in the speed of light.

“I haven’t been completely truthful to you, Y/N. Just hear me out before you say anything, okay?” You nod hesitantly and Johnny sighs. “Ruby and I… we didn’t just break up, Y/N.”

You furrow your brows, confusion clear on your face. Johnny plays with his fingers. “One night, we got into an argument. We lashed out at each other, yelling and screaming, then she storms out of my apartment. Still pissed, I went over to the frat house and one thing led to another and there was a party.” He squeezes his eyes shut tightly. “I… I cheated on Ruby that night. I got drunk, s-slept with some random girl, and I broke up with Ruby the next morning.”

Johnny doesn’t want to open his eyes, now fully understanding why you kept looking at the sky three days ago. All he could hear was the tv playing something in the background and the sound of his heart slowly start to rip apart. Because as time went on, a new noise started to fill the apartment.

Johnny’s eyes open slowly to the sight of you hunched over and sobbing into your palms. His voice gets stuck in his throat and his mind goes quiet. He feels his hands start to heat up and twitch, almost needing to touch you and comfort you in any way he could. Johnny felt so helpless, wanting to help you but knowing he was the one you were crying about.

He doesn’t even realize he was even sobbing lightly.

“D-Does she know?”

Johnny swallows thickly at your words and nods instantly. “Of course, I told her. Y/N, you don’t know how bad I fe-“

“J-Johnny.” Your eyes are red and glossy when you look up at him. Your voice was broken and you choke back a sob. Johnny watches your face constrict and feels his jaw go slack at the sight. “How could you?”

The immense pain behind your words hit Johnny at full force. He’s broken quite a few bones in his life but nothing hurt more than that.

“How could you do that to her?” The whole time, you’re shaking your head and Johnny sees exactly what he didn’t want to.

You didn’t look at him as your best friend. He was Johnny the cheater in that second and Johnny felt sick to his stomach. 

Johnny’s mouth dries up and he can’t find the words to answer, stuck looking at you like a fish out of water, mouth opening and closing. Tears fell from his eyes on their own accord, making his honey eyes look almost green. He holds out his hands to hold you and you shake your head forcibly.

“No, don’t touch me, Johnny.”

He’s never felt helplessness like that, hurting you then wanting to help you, it tore Johnny apart. He takes his arms back with a shivering chin.

You continue to sob loudly, covering your face with your hands. Johnny can hear you mumbling ‘how could you’ over and over.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Johnny chokes out, using the his sleeves to wipe his tears. “I’m sorry the only answer I can give you is I don’t know. I was stupid, angry, and you know me, Y/N. I’m not the same person, I changed and you know this. Please don’t look at me any differently.”

He watches you hiccup and wipe away tears, still managing to look completely flawless to him. Johnny sighs.

“That’s why I haven’t gotten into a relationship since… it’s like I don’t trust myself. I was capable of that much pain to someone I had a lot of feelings for… I just don’t want to be in a position like that again.”

“How am I supposed to know you’d never cheat on me, Johnny?”

“Because I’ve never felt anything like this towards anyone and I never want to let it go.” Johnny visibly swallows and hesitates before holding onto your hand lightly. “I never want to let you go.”

“You deserve a lot better than me, Y/N. But if you give me the chance, I’ve been bettering myself and I want to continue to with you beside me.”

You stare at the way Johnny holds your hand with his the whole time. Its soft and intimate, homely. His words and actions dripped honey, and you felt your previously broken heart start to put itself together.

But the more you stared at your intertwined hands, the more sick to your stomach you felt.

You slowly slide your hand out of his grasp and catch the way heartbreak flies across Johnny’s face. You squeeze your hands together, realizing how cold they were without Johnny’s to warm them.

“I need time to take this all in, Johnny. You kept a secret from me and lied, I can’t just brush that off.” You gulp when you watch his head fall.

He nods and clears his throat, voice husky and deep. “I understand, I’ll give you all the time you need, Y/N.”

When he stands up, you stand up right after and clear your throat. “Thank you for telling me about Ruby.”

Johnny looks at you with a sad smile. “No need.” He walks over to your front door with heavy footsteps. “I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

⇝⇝⇝

2 months later

Johnny pulls out the pie he made last night from the fridge and sets it on the coffee table. He puts the last of all his pillows and blankets on the couch and on the floor in front of it. He knew how much you liked being warm and comfy, pillow forts being your favorite thing ever.  

Johnny woke up at 7am today already nervous. It was the his and your friendship anniversary, and you had already texted him asking him if he wanted to do something today. With an obvious yes, Johnny gulped and bit his nails all day.

You and Johnny barely spoke in these 2 months but it was sort of okay. There was never any bad feelings and the two of you smiled at each other whenever you bumped into each other. 

But at the beginning it was probably one of the hardest things Johnny went through.

Having to wake up and get through the day without talking or seeing you? Thats like telling Johnny to practice suffocation for a couple minutes everyday.

But as time went by, Jaehyun would come around with Mark, Ten, and Doyoung; and Johnny realized how much he missed being around his friends. He often spent most of his time with you and saw the guys a couple times a week. Being around them now made Johnny feel guilty for not spending more time with them but they were quick to dismiss it, always going to be there for him when he needed them. 

He realized that he shouldn’t have been alone those rough couple days. So he spent more time with the guys, and eventually began to feel a little better.

But he never forgot about the way your eyes widened and beamed when he told you he loved you.

It was now currently 8:58pm and you were due to arrive at his place in 2 minutes. Johnny was so fucking nervous. But he was also curious, these two months were a time of recovery for Johnny, and he didn’t know how it treated you.

Theres a knock on his door and Johnny lets out a long breath before clearing his throat and running over to the door. He hesitates at the door handle before pulling it open. And Johnny was speechless.

You looked really good, as if you had a sort of glow to you. Your eyes seemed brighter and your smile softer. It caught Johnny off guard, momentarily taking a couple seconds to take this all in.

Just like that, Johnny knew that his feelings never once left and if anything, just got all the more stronger.

You gave him a shy smile holding up a plate covered in foil. “I brought something for, uh, you know. Today.”

Of course. Both of your friendship anniversary called for dessert night. Thats how its always been and also why Johnny spent the entire day yesterday (with a little help from Jaehyun) baking a key lime pie.

Johnny smiles and he smiles big. Nodding, he lets you by. “Yeah, I made something yesterday. Its on the table in the living room.”

You walk by him and turn back to him with a grin. “It’s nice to see you, Johnny.”

Johnnys eyes drag up your converse, across your outfit, and up to your rosy red cheeks. He grins widely. “You look good, Y/N. How’ve you been recently?” He closes the door and ushers you towards the living room.

“I’ve been really good, actually.” Your blush never fading. “I got the job at JM and Co.”

Johnny’s eyes go wide. “The top law firm? Holy shit, Y/N, that’s insane.”

“Its only a desk job right now. But I’m really excited.” He watches your hands clamp together and eyes twinkle when you smile. He feels his heart squeeze and damn, Johnny was so whipped.

“I’m really proud of you, Y/N. You’re gonna go really far.”

If anyone knew that, it was Johnny. He always made sure to go to all of your mock trials and debates, watching you murder it every time.

So he never had a doubt that you would be the best lawyer out there.

The both of you walk into the living room and Johnny scratches the back of his neck at the pie. “I baked it yesterday with some help from Jaehyun. Key lime pie, our favorite.”

You look at the pie with wide eyes and a shocked chuckle. You quickly pick at the foiled tin in your hands and Johnny watches you with a warm feeling in his chest. “I brought key lime pie too!”

The both of you laugh and grin at each other, Johnny inching closer to you with a shrug. “The more the merrier.”

You grin and taking in the set up Johnny had in his living room with the blankets and pillows. Your heart beat picking up its pace. “This is really cute, Johnny.”

“We used to do this, anyway.” Johnny shrugs and you catch the blush that washes across his face. “I just want this to be perfect.”

And perfect it was. The both of you delved into your pies, watching 3 movies (but the two of you talked instead throughout all the movies), and exchanged shy, bashful gazes the entire night.

And for the first time since Johnny realized that he liked you, keeping his feelings as background noice wasn’t possible anymore. 

Because at one point when you laughed at something he had said, Johnny felt his heart skip and his tunnel vision set on you. The air smelled like key lime pie, Johnny’s favorite movie Inception played in the background, and his favorite sound sang through his ears. You laughed without a care in the world, face lit up, and smile wide enough your eyes were shut closed. Johnny’s breath catches in his throat. He couldn’t hear the tv or anything except your laugh and the sound of his heart beating, fast and erratic.

Breathtaking. You were absolutely breathtaking and he was completely caught up in it. Johnny knew in the pit of his gut he could stay like this forever, hearing and watching you laugh with nothing but happiness. Six minutes or sixty years, Johnny would love to hear you laugh for the rest of his life. 

Love wasn’t easy for either of you to accept but it was worth it, because you fell slightly more in love every moment.

[erin-walsh]

the ten things a toxic relationship taught me

number one. never have sex in a car. it hurts. it’s uncomfortable. and it just proves that they only want your body. not your heart. not your soul. i now know that if someone wants me they will make me feel special. not just take me in any place they can. you taught me to not degrade myself. number two. keep them guessing. i gave my everything to him before we even became official. we exchanged i love yous before we even knew how to love another human being. i gave him my body before i was even comfortable with it myself. that “relationship” taught me to keep the men in my life chasing ME. not the other way around. number three. never give everything away. there are some things in your life that should be kept a secret. your childhood trauma. your family secrets or drama. your grades. you need to have others EARN that place in your life. do not tell your life story to anyone who will listen. that is your story. you tell it when you are ready. number four. don’t believe everything they say. people lie. it’s just a fact now. people lie to get what they want. he was one of those people. he was manipulative and a liar. he taught me to not believe everything a man says to me. to not believe every “i love you” just so they can try to slip their hand into your - to not believe every “i’m here for you” when shit hits the fan and they are no where to be found. to not believe every “i promise” because he doesn’t promise. he’ll break it. you my dear were not made to be lied to. to be manipulated. you were made to be treated like a queen. and god damnit. you will be. number five. don’t let him make you a playlist. that just ruins music for you. because you’re gonna end up like me scrolling through spotify. and that song that makes you feel happy sad horny angry in love every. single. emotion you can think of. all in one. but it doesn’t make you feel good. it makes you want to sit in the middle of a room and cry. and trust me. i did. i still do. don’t let him ruin music for you. number six. listen to your head. not your heart. as much as your heart is saying “you love him.” “he loves you.” “we belong together.” you have that voice in your head that whispers to your soul “you know you’re wrong.” listen to that voice. she is right. deep down you know what is good for you. and listen to your head. when you’re with him and all you can think of “i can’t tell anyone i’m with him.” “it’s so fun to sneak around.” it isn’t. sneaking around leads to losing all your friends and having your mom wipe your mascara stained face at three in the morning saying “baby he’s not worth it.” because daring, he isn’t. listen to your head. deep down you know you’re right. number seven. do NOT blame yourself. don’t blame yourself for him leaving. you gave that boy your all. you know you did. no matter what he says or does to you. you treated him like he put the stars in the sky when you knew damn well he could barely write your name on a piece of paper. do not feel guilty for protecting yourself from being hurt. do not feel guilty for throwing your hands up and saying “i need a break.” or “i’m done.” because sweetheart, no one will blame you for putting yourself first. go home tonight. look at yourself in the mirror. whisper to yourself, “this is not my fault.” because darling, it isn’t. it never was. and it never will be. number eight. stop. talking. to. him. it will only hurt more if you still talk to him i know. “but we’re trying to be friends.” “we’re going to work on ourselves and then come back together.” it doesn’t work like that. this is the game he plays. the game he plays on your heart. he’s going to take you, break you, leave you, then text you a couple days later to “see if you’re okay.” when in reality this is just his form of a booty call. he gets off on this. this is what gives him joy. no. not the love you gave to him. not the six and a half months you gave to him. that meant nothing. but this? this game of you crawling back to him each and every time he calls you? this is what he’s wanted. do not give him the satisfaction of getting off to your pain. number nine. if he hurt you once, he’ll do it again. do NOT forgive a boy who breaks your already fragile heart. he knows what he can do with you if you come back. you are setting yourself up for the game. you are more than that. you are a jewel in a sea of coal. you are a diamond in the rough. don’t not let him hurt you again. and again. don’t not let him pick you apart like you’re his birthday present or a new toy under the christmas tree. if he did it once. he’ll do it again. and lastly number ten. sit back and let karma do her dirty work. do you know what he’s going to be doing seven months after you two breakup? he’s gonna be dating someone else. and you’ll care. at first. but everyday it becomes easier to hear that song. to hear your heart say “but i still love him.” and then finally being able to listen to your head. everyday it becomes easier to hear his name. trust me. it does. but just you wait. you’re gonna wake up one morning and you’ll sit up. stretch out the night. and say. “who was he anyway?” trust me, my love, the day will come. when your true love walks through that door to your heart, the only thing that i ask of you, listen to my lessons. i went through a lot to learn them. you don’t need to be taught them again.

[ultimateearworm]

I have sat down and tried to gather my final thoughts of that man. What I could do to be ready for another relationship. I sat at my desk with pen in hand and a paper on my desk trying to write one final letter. I would write what I would say to him if I still could, if he would come back. The paper still lies there blank.

The only thoughts that came to mind were simply “I don’t understand.” I do not understand what I did to deserve the pain of the breakup, I dont understand why you wanted to disappear without telling me it was over, I dont understand what you’re doing or if you have hopes of coming back, I dont understand how you got over a year and a half of 24/7 speaking so fast, I don’t understand if you’re posting things just to play with my feelings, I don’t understand why our playlist is still up and my name is in your discord username.

Then I realized these are questions I will probably never get an answer to. My friends tell me you’re horrible and I did not deserve the hurt you constantly put me through. They also tell me to download tinder on a regular basis now. There is someone out there better for me, and im excited to meet them. But I am foolish.

I wonder if you’re working on yourself and we can come together again in the future. I wonder if you still think about me. I wonder if you check my posts, wondering if im in pain or if i have fallen in love again. I wonder what you were feeling in those final moments and what you are now. I wonder if I would have ignored you, like you planned for me, that we would still be together. But I refuse not to talk about my feelings. I wonder if you told your friends I broke up with you, or if you told them at all. I wonder if your social media is a lie and you’re falling apart inside as I was.

It was always easier to blame me and others for your actions than you accepting responsibility for them. I wont ever forget you saying “Yeah I cant believe what **** did to us” when you were the one that told me about your feelings for her, and the fact it took you months to tell her you were in a relationship. And now I think you’re in a relationship with the very same person.

I recognize that none of these thoughts will ever be answered. There is a very slim chance they ever will. They plague my thoughts, but I know I may not want the answer. I know you will eventually receive your karma.

Despite the pain you inflicted on someone four years younger than you, I still hope you are well. Nobody deserves to be treated the way you did me, and I dont wish it upon you but I do hope one day you get your heart crushed. That way you can see what’s wrong and grow.

If you crawled back to me this day I would still continue the conversation with you. Anything beyond that im not sure, because I dont trust you.

[surayajasmine]

15 Things To Live By When In High School

I decided to make this list of things that I should have done before, during my first year in high school and take it into account sincerely. Anyways, I think it’s important that I share it with everyone.

1: Forgiving is SO important. And, I don’t mean the meaningless, insincere type of forgiveness that you say to your friends, just because it makes them feel better about themselves. Sometimes, you need them to feel guilty about what they’ve done and learn to gain that trust to redeem from their mistakes. And, forgiving people makes you stronger, mentally, and it gives you a sense of maturity, instead of holding unnecessary grudges.

2. Happiness isn’t CONSTANT. What does that mean? Well, it means that being happy all the time, in front of your peers or crowd in school, is okay. But, if you’re feeling down, there’s no need to hide it, because we all have our bad days. Let it out if you’re feeling down. No shame in releasing some steam. Just make sure to get back on track ASAP.

3: To care OR not to care. Why would you want to spend your high school life, pretending to be the cool and snobby one, and pretending to not give a shit about others? At the same time, why would you even pay attention to those who talk bad about you? What I should have done in school is to actually care about those who matter to me, who are kind to me, who help me in any way. Those people are the ones worth caring about. It’s hard to ignore the buzz in the background about you, but, trust me, taking the high road makes you the better person, regardless of how much it stings. Eventually, what goes around, comes around. Karma will give them a taste of their own medicine.

4: Parents play a HUGE role in your life From what I’ve known, plenty of my schoolmates aren’t close to their parents, or maybe their parents disagree with them on something. Guys, believe me when I say this, your parents are almost always right. I used to think that was freaking ridiculous, until I considered the consequences of my actions from their point of view. Imagine this; Your child, only daughter, sneaking behind your back to spend the lunch money you gave her on shopping, and seeing boys behind your back. If we were the child, we’d think it’s nothing harmful, it’s just shopping and dating. But, from your parents’ eyes, you are spending their hard earned money on items that you don’t need, and you’re betraying their trust. To earn our parents trust, is to understand their situation, talk to them, be honest (seriously, guys, it’s so important), respect their choices, and think rationally and maturely. Someday, we’ll have kids of our own and what we do now, could potentially be a reflection of ourselves when we misbehaved during our teen years. Don’t push your parents away. And, do what you can to bond with them. Family is first.

5: CLEAN, clean, clean. Do whatever it takes to maintain a good appearance and surroundings. Deodorant, brushing teeth and face wash are a MUST. Firstly, why would you not wear deodorant to school, where you’ll be spending nearly 7-8 hours in such an environment. Your body odour is a big no-no. To not brush your teeth is very disgusting, cause your morning breath definitely doesn’t smell like Chanel perfume, so, never skip brushing teeth, even if you’re running late. A messy appearance isn’t the way to go. Try your best to have a good overall cleanliness. Shave, brush, shower, etc. After all, you’re a teen and you undergo some insane hormonal changes. Best to look good and feel good.

6: REST your mind and body. We’re growing teens, therefore, sleep is so important to us. Yes, I like sleep as much as the next person, but oversleeping isn’t good either. I know people who don’t get enough rest every night, so, when school starts the next day, the coffee fiesta has begun, and the dozing off students.

7. LEARN TO SAY NO. They force you to take some illegal shit and it’s against your values and morals. Say no. They want you to be their lap dog and cover their asses for them when they’re wrong. Say no. When someone pushes you around, and thinks they can get away. Hell nah. You own it darling and show em how it’s done.

8. COOKING is a lifesaver. Okay let’s be honest here, I’ve had my disasters in the kitchen too many times. Like I’ve accidentally burnt instant noodles in the microwave. (don’t ask me how. I was only 7 years old and hungry af). Cooking will go a long way. You will find yourself one day cooking for yourself in college, in the kitchenette. It’s best to learn how to cook at an early age, at least get some basics of some simple recipes to help you when you’re off to universities or whatever. Even when you move out into your own place, you have to make use of the kitchen, and not always buy food or order outside. You gotta spend wisely. Start cooking even in high school. You’ll learn and master it, trust me, you will need it.

9. Spend your CASH wisely. Just because you have pocket money, or your parents give you lunch money, or even your own earnings from a part time job, doesn’t mean you HAVE TO SPEND IT. You see that top that you really like? But costs an arm and leg? Don’t splurge on it! Save that dough up for some other good shit that you really need. Like money to get a place of your own someday. Or some cash to get you by when things are rough. Or even money to pay for your own college funds. Things are hella expensive these days, and we have to think of how to save it, so we can use it for the right times.

10. GET A PART TIME JOB. Yeah, I can’t seem to emphasise this enough, but, you guys are on the road to adulthood. And, to NOT have the experience of what a working environment is like… That’s criminal. It’s good to have some exposure to what the real world is, for instance, booking appointments for clients, doing some hard labour, etc. You have to start somewhere. Corporate world is all about hiring young adults with experience. But, if you don’t have the least idea of what a working world is, it can be difficult to find a job that is suitable for you.

. 11. Not everyone you are FRIENDS WITH WILL LAST FOREVER. As harsh as it may sound, it’s the truth. Just because you are friends with them now in high school, doesn’t mean it’ll work out when you guys graduate and ship off to other ends of the world to earn that degree. Nope. You will grow apart after sometime. You will notice the distance of the conversations you share. It’s normal and there’s nothing to be scared of. Some people just don’t vibe with you, or maybe you realise that you deserve better. It’s okay.

12. Enjoy high school while you can. I’m going to be a senior soon and, it made me realise how much I’m going to miss high school. Ya sure. It sucked so much for me at certain points because people can be a bunch of dicks. No surprise there. But, where else are you gonna get an experience of high school? I’m gonna miss the high school food the most, cause it rocks. I’ll miss the insane practices I had to go through every day after school. You wont get anything like this when you’re an adult. So, being in high school has its ups and downs. But above all, there is some fun in it. And, you may not notice it now, but when you approach your last days of high school, it’ll hit you.

13. BE KIND High school is not a Mean Girls movie where you can just put everything in a Burn Book. Yeah, okay, that person pissed you off, but to go out and have vengeance on that person and get yourself in trouble too? Nope. Don’t be that person. As hard as it may seem, you have to be kind to the people you don’t want to be with at all. Even if they’ve hurt your feelings. Or even threw you aside like you were nothing. It’s painful. But, it’ll give you the strength to pick yourself up and move on and grow into the gorgeous human being. Patience is key.

14. Go easy on the PARTIES. Everyone loves a good party. Including yours truly. But, you have to put some limits on how hard you party. Don’t overdo yourself and don’t do anything you are forced into. It’s a big no-no. There’s a thing called partying too hard, and it will take a toll on your mind and body. It’s terrible and I’ve witnessed someone going through a tough time the next day in school. It was horrible. Go for the parties that are worth going to. Like birthday parties. Christmas. New year’s. Just as long as you are aware of your surroundings, but still having the time of your life. Be a good but careful party animal.

15. A GOOD PLAYLIST CURES ALL. You sure as hell don’t wanna go through the bad days of high school with a terrible playlist. The wrong song can set your mood from 100-0 in no time flat. Listening to Coldplay has definitely helped me survive dark days of heartache and perked me up on a good day. Make playlists for different situations like studying, exercising, relaxing, etc. (However I do not recommend putting a sad playlist when you are in the middle of a breakup. That’s gonna make you feel worse.) But, do put songs that perk up your day. As well as songs to release your frustration. And don’t be afraid to dance or sing along to the songs. Why else would you make such an incredible playlist?

Those are pretty much my tips and advice on high school. And, it might not work for everyone else. But I hope it does. It did work out for me. I’ve been through some painful shit in high school, but thankfully I am doing well now. It’s not only to help you with high school, but it’ll shape your character into the better version of the person you are now. That’s all from me.

[shrugman]

all of them ily facetime me

I’m half a bottle of wine in so this is the perfect time to answer this

1. Name: Michelle Bair

2. Birthplace: some airforce base in virginia 

3. Ancestry: general European, Scottish, and Native American

4. Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

5. Biggest fear: Abandonment 

6. Strength/Weakness: For the most part I’m pretty honest / I can’t make decisions if they impact other people

7. Worst habit: braiding and unbraiding my hair / shaking my leg

8. Favorite holiday: Halloween  

9. Ever been in a car crash: thankfully, no

10. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher: Paul omg

11. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house: drop whatever bag I’m holding

12. Age at first kiss: 14? Idk whatever the second half of 8th grade was

13. When did you fall in love for the first time: when I was 15

14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long: Stephanie is my ride or die for like 11 years. Like literally I’d die without her I love her so much 

15. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: pump that GPA up a bit

16. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying (failing) to sleep

17. When was the last time you laughed hard: earlier when I was telling Stephanie a story about my dad

18. Who was the last person that told you they love you: My dad 

19. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning: idk man probably a generic sound of unhappy

20. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with: I don’t even know because like what actually counts as a date?

21. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen: never happened

22. Who did you see in concert first: Jimmy Buffet I shit you not

23. Who was your favorite teacher: Paul

24. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day: I text Stephanie 

25. Who do you think about most: probably Stephanie 

26. Is your ideal occupation? Optometrist 

27. Beer, wine, or liquor? liquor 

28. Favourite restaurant?  Saizeriya (it’s in Japan)

29. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla with cherry 

30. McDonlads or Burger King? McDonalds 

31. Fantasy dinner guest(s)? Kate McKinnon 

32. Have you ever been drunk? When was the last time? I’m like tipsy rn so? now? idk

33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk? honestly I don’t even known

34. Wonder Woman or Cat Woman? Wonder? idk

35. How many pets do you have? a single dog

36. What would be the first thing you bought if you won the lottery? idk something stupid like some cheese 

37. When was the first time you smoked? Like a cigarette? Never. Weed? Sometime last fall when I went camping 

38. Who last sent you a text? Stephanie 

39. Who did you last send a text to? Stephanie lmao 

40. What 4 things would you take to a desert island? i’d just die

41. Name the 3 most important people in your life? Shit this is hard because like obviously Stephanie but also my family and there are 4 people in that and I can’t pick whos the most important out of them so 

42. Favorite song? I honestly don’t know

43. Favorite movie? Heathers 

44. When did you last cuddle someone? fuck idk like late march early april?

45. When did you last have sex? see above

46. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? probably either jump off a roof or tell my dad I’m into girls

47. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute? Abandonment, yes. Constantly 

48. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? There are way to many fucked up things to even choose 

49. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? Idk there was one that at first I couldn’t let go but now I can so?

50. Where would you take a road trip? Albuquerque 

51. How do Mondays feel for you? during the summer, whatever. During the year, like i put a vacuum on my face 

52. If you could spend ten minutes with your ‘hero’ alive or dead what would you ask them? Omg Stephanie how did you get to Germany 

53. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? a weird combo of both tbh

54. What’s your greatest achievement to date? Idk I guess getting into JMU is p good 

55. What scares you about your future? That I won’t’ do well enough to get into Optometry school 

56. Why does pizza come in a square box? easier to transport 

57. What would happen if you knew you could not fail? so many things 

58. How does it feel to be photographed? sometimes I hate it but i like being able to look back on the moments 

59. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? oh god... maybe seeing my dad cry while I went through security out of Japan for the last time 

60. Do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’? No. I want my children to be better than me in every way so that once I’ve taught them all I know they can then teach me what they’ve learned 

61. Do you stand for what you believe in or are you pleasing others? I try to stand for it 

62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life? If I had the talent, be a stage actor 

63. What are you thankful for, this moment? That surgery went well yesterday 

64. Do you have same sex fantasies? Well I mean, yeah 

65. If you have had sex in a public place, where? a pool locker room 

66. Have you ever cried during/after sex? nope

67. Who is the oldest person you’ve had sex with? Dylan

68. Who is the youngest person you’ve had sex with? Tori

69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner? Dom

70. How tall are you? 5′10

71. How much do you weigh? 144 which I was hype about because the last time I’d checked I was 150

72. What color is your hair naturally?  like dirty blondeish?

73. What size jeans do you wear? 8 I think but idk

74. What is your favorite color to wear?   black

75. Do you have any piercings?    just ears

76. Do you have any tattoos?    no

77. Do you care how other people see you?    I mean yeah

78. Do you like sports?  I love ballet but other than that no 

79. How do you feel about age differences in relationships?  It depends. Like below 25 if you have more than a few years I’m iffy, but the older you are the more lenient I am 

80. How do you feel about race differences in relationships?    idgaf

81. Do you believe in karma or fate?    yeah

82. Do you keep a journal? no   

83. Describe the last dream you remember: I can’t remember a recent one 

84. Describe your favorite dream: Don’t really have one

85. Where are some places you would like to visit? Canada, South America, Paris, etc   

86. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? Paramore and Halsey but I’m too stressed about money to buy tickets 

87. What music do you listen to when you are happy? BTR and early 2000s songs rn

88. What music do you listen to when you are mad?  Breakup songs. I have a playlist

89. Do you like to burn candles or incense? Candles, yes

90. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Wine

91. What are your favorite alcoholic beverages? I like sex on the beaches and vodka mixed with cranberry juice 

92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? no cigarettes or cigars. Tried weed twice but it didn’t work 

93. Who is your number 1 friend and why is he or she there? Stephanie becuase she’s always there for me and when everything in my life is falling apart she’s always my rock and I just love her so much 

94. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? I don’t know what this means

95. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? Of my current friends? Nah I don’t think so

96. Would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath? I DON’T WANT TO DIE

97. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? yeah

98. Do you think your last ex still wants to be with you? //actual// ex? idk maybe 

99. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? been there, done that

100. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people? dude

101. How often do you brush your teeth? twice a day

102. How often do you shower?  When was the last time you had a shower? I try to shower every day. I just took a bath and then washed my hair with the shower head

103. How often do you shave your legs?  rarely lmao

104. Political affiliation? dude

105. Opinion on abortion? duDE

106. Opinion on immigrants/ immigration reform? dUDE

107. Should prostitution be legalized? honestly I don’t know enough to say

108. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? wtf kind of meta

109. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? it’s easier that way

110. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? just like... make everyone stop hating everyone else so much

111. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? acting

112. Would you break the law to save a loved one? 100%

113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? well technically I live in both Germany and America so this question is too complex

114. Why are you the person you are? what

115. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I try but I’ve had slipups

116. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? bc ppl suc

117. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? I’‘d probably be a lot more outgoing 

118. Were you happy when you woke up today? no

119. What’s a fact about the last person who text messaged you? Well my mom just texted me and she really liked turtles 

120. Want someone back in your life? At times, but then I remember they’re gone for a reason 

121. What are you excited for? PRAGUE

122. Are you scared to fall in love? sometimes 

123. When is your next road trip?idk

124. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? told stephanie I love her

125. Do you like to cuddle? yeh

126. Have you ever kissed more than one person in 24 hours? maybe? idk

127. Plans for tomorrow? we’re going to see castles 

128. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? too much

129. How is life going for you right now? :/

130. If you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept? yep

131. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? tori

132. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? I mean I never have, but I think I could if the military would butt out 

133. If you could have one super power what would it be? transformation 

134. Background on your cell phone? the lockscreen is a gradient from purple to pink and the background is Tyler on a piano 

135. What are you thinking about right this second? these questions 

136. Last book you read? How was it? I Wrote This For You. made me cry. I loved it 

137. What is the last thing you bought? coffee at the airport 

138. Do you live with your parents? during holidays 

139. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? no

140. Have you ever met a celebrity? not like A-list

141. What are you like when you’re drunk?  super giggly 

142. What are you like when you’re high? idk

143. Do you want children? yeah

144. Do you want a church wedding? no

145. How many pillows do you sleep with? as many as I can 

146. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope 

147. Who was your first real crush? this guy Matt in 4th grade lmao

148. What are you allergic to? grass and pollen 

149. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? rn I like the name Vita but ask again in like 3 months 

150. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Girl just because I feel like I’d be able to raise her better 

151. How did you get your name? My sister pointed at my mom’s baby bump and was like “Michelle!” and they were like ok

152. Name one thing about your body you love? my cheek bones 

153. What is your biggest goal in life? be happy. Like fully

154. Do you still have feelings for your ex? nah

155. Do you think aliens are real? YES

156. What age did you start drinking? my first drink was at 14 but I started like regulatory drinking at 17 

157. What do you think of President Obama? YES

158. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? nah

159. Describe your dream girl/guy? idk

160. Story of your first kiss? we were at a park 

161. Story of the first time you made out with someone? same as ^

162. Story of the first time you had sex? I went over to her house while her parents were at work 

163. When did you first have sex? when I was 18

164. First time you gave/ received oral sex? ^

165. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? nope

167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)? Holtzman

168. How many followers do you have on tumblr? What about twitter/ instagram? 44/87/19

169. Are you friend with your parents on Facebook? yeah

170. First time you thought you were in love? When did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person? 14, when we broke up and I realized I was confusing a crush for love 

171. Do you talk to yourself? wayyyy too much 

172. How old will you be on your next birthday? 20

173. How did you meet the last person you kissed? tinder 

174. Do you have any hickies? not rn

175. Turn ons? being confident without being cocky 

176. Turn offs? acting like you’re entitled to me

177. What qualities did you get from your mom? petty, creative 

178. What qualities did you get from your dad? idiot, hard working 

179. How many siblings do you have? 1

180. Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity? yeah

that took so long omg. ily