#i think i need to learn how to make matcha at home

[slowdesire]

staring at this matcha latte i ordered like

[gurugirl]

A Balancing Act | Ch. 2*

Series Summary: Harry is a famous, rich, handsome, pop star and he’s been in therapy since his boy band days. When he meets Y/n, a beautiful and successful artist, he cannot take no for an answer when it comes to her. He’s determined to make her his even if he has to bend the rules a little at first.

Chapter Summary: Y/n learns that Harry kissed another woman and decides to move on. Harry crashes Y/n's date to get her to change her mind. But then he makes a shocking discovery.

Warning: 18+ only, NSFW, smut (oral sex sort of), angst

Word Count: 9,739

Commissioned by @cinnamonone (thank you!! xoxo)

A Balancing Act Masterlist

Returning to LA after his tour in Latin America, Harry was sitting with Pat in his lovely house. Matcha tea was served and she started off by asking him how he was feeling emotionally lately. She tended to want to start off their sessions by letting him talk about his emotions and how he was dealing with his busy life, reserving the topic of relationships and love until toward the end. It gave her a good gauge of his overall well-being.

“I miss home. It’s always the hardest when I feel like I’m missing out on so much. Feels like I’m ignoring what’s really important in life and focusing too much on myself. Feels selfish. I know that no one thinks that. My mum is always telling me to not worry but it’s just hard. Especially because I’m closing in on 30 and just feels like I’ve just been playing around for all my life.”

“But this is your work. And you do work hard. You’re just lucky that you’re talented enough that you can delve into this kind of creativity and make a living from it. You’re putting more responsibility on yourself than is necessary. You’re on your own path, Harry. And while from the outside everything looks fun and glamorous, even you know the truth because you live it. It’s hard. So don’t discount yourself by feeling like you’re not doing enough. Your mom is okay. She can take care of herself. Gemma is okay too. She’s doing well. Your friends and all the people that matter in your life support you. Comparing yourself to the 9-5 worker isn’t going to do you any good. You’re a successful artist. An entrepreneur. Just imagine if you weren’t. You’d be in Manchester or London and working some mundane job. Sure you’d be around your family but you wouldn’t be thriving like you are now. I think you’d be miserable and if you’re miserable your family will feel that.”

Harry nodded, “Probably. I guess I can’t imagine myself doing anything else.”

“I can’t either. But it’s more about how you’re dealing with that guilt. I think as you’re getting older your priorities are shifting a little. And that’s okay. It’s good to welcome new awareness. Just be sure to not dwell on it because no one else is.”

Harry sniffed a laugh and smiled. Pat was right of course. He knew all of this. They’d been talking about his guilt a lot more recently and he recognized it was more because there were particular milestones that society set for people. And Harry had met many milestones but the basic ones like love, family, stability, children were all things he’d had yet to really achieve. Of course, he had a family but not his own, with a spouse and kids and a little house in town… but that wasn’t his to have yet. And the little house in town might wind up looking more like a bunch of houses in different parts of the world. He couldn’t deny he was lucky but he also couldn’t ignore that he felt like he’d been shirking his adult responsibilities.

“Okay. I can tell you need to say something. Want to move on from this subject?”

Harry grinned and repositioned himself to face more squarely toward Pat, “I met someone.”

“Oh? What does that mean?”

“I met her in Chicago. She was staying at the hotel I was in but she was there for an art show, she’s this really talented artist. But anyway… we just hit it off. We’ve been talking on the phone almost every night. I really like her.”

Pat nodded and placed her mug down, “That’s great. So, she stayed at the hotel you were in but how did you come to actually meet her?”

Harry described the scene at the bar and then how he invited her to his show the following evening, “I just… I don’t know. She’s not famous or anything but she acted like I was just a normal guy. And we really connected mentally and physically. She really seems to like all the things I like.”

“You mean, in bed? Or have you really gotten to know her on a deeper level?” She smirked and tilted her head. Harry was like this. He could connect with all kinds of people and it made his heart swell and lurch and then as fast as it filled up it all deflated just as quickly.

“Well, not just in bed. But yeah. We just clicked.”

“Look, I think that’s great. Just remember, you are okay as a single man too. Correct? You don’t need to be loved all the time. You are enough. You don’t have to fall in love and get married and have children to be a whole person. Society says you need that but you get to choose your path. But if you really like, this, uh… what’s her name?”

“Y/n. Even her name is pretty.”

“Y/n. Well, if you like her enough just take your time. Get to know her. Long distance is hard and phone calls are good but no substitute for face-to-face time. Do you think she’s as serious about this as you are?”

Harry shrugged and pursed his lips to the side, “I think so. I mean… we’ve talked about a lot and she’s told me so many things about herself. I guess I haven’t asked her to make it official, though.”

“Probably wise to wait to make it official. Jumping into a serious relationship could backfire as you well know. And there is the matter that you’re on the road so often. Did you see anyone else while you were away?”

Harry shook his head, “No. I actually really like Y/n. Didn’t want to do anything to fuck that up.”

Pat sighed, “You do realize you were supposedly spotted leaving a party with a woman people claimed you were kissing. Right? Just a couple of weeks ago. Which would have been after your Chicago shows.”

Harry groaned and nodded. He did know. His PR team told him about the supposed fan sighting and there was even a photo of him with a woman. Who he did kiss, but it wasn’t a kiss that meant anything. It was just a bit of fun and Harry had had a good amount of tequila. He honestly was just flirting and wanted to kiss the woman. But of course, when she wanted to take things further he declined because Y/n had been on his mind.

That was one thing about Harry. He was flirty and he’d kiss people he never intended on sleeping with. He kissed men and women and flirted all the time but usually, it was more friendly than sexual. Sometimes people got the wrong idea but that was just how Harry was. He loved getting close to people and touching. Loved hugs and kisses especially if he knew the person.

Even when he was with his last ex she’d gotten used to him kissing others and holding hands with someone else. But it wasn’t always very well received. Like the time she left one of the parties they were at early because she was tired and then he was filmed making out with a friend on a couch in front of people. He had a lot of explaining to do for that one. She forgave him but it hurt her. She cried. Harry felt bad that he’d done it. He loved how it felt to kiss someone and have them kiss him back, the zip of excitement and the tiniest bit of tension.

“Yes. I’m aware. I don’t know that she’s heard anything just yet. I think the photo only got published like yesterday or day before.”

“Well, it’s probably a good idea to talk to her about it before she sees the photo and reads the salacious headlines. That is if you’re interested in still seeing her.”

He nodded and looked down at his lap.

“Now, let’s talk about how you’re doing with all your new endeavors coming up. The timelines and the travel that will entail.”

.           .           .

Y/n was usually late with getting news or updates on celebrities. She spent a lot of her time painting during the day so unless she took a break and used her free time to peruse social media sites she might not realize things like the fact that the man she was beginning to develop feelings for had kissed another woman while he was away in another country.

Just as on this day. She was blissfully unaware of what he’d done as of yet. That is until Kat, her best friend, called in the middle of her glazing a painting she’d just completed.

She hadn’t told anyone about Harry except for Kat. Kat would keep her mouth shut about everything. Y/n knew she could trust her friend with her new secret. Not that Harry told her to not tell anyone but he did mention it would be better if very few people knew.

“Hello?” She spoke into the receiver as she capped the glaze and wiped her hands on her bibs.

“Hey babe. Did you see the link I sent you?”

“Uh… no. I’ve been working on a piece all morning.”

“Put me on speaker. Take a look.”

Y/n clicked the sound to the speaker and opened up her texts to see the link from Kat.

The moment the Daily Mail website came up with a blurry, dark photo of Harry standing very close to a woman she felt her heart drop.

Reading the caption of the article:

STYLES SPOTTED KISSING MYSTERY WOMAN IN COLOMBIA

“Are you seeing it?” Kat asked.

“Yeah. I am.”

The article mentioned him leaving with the woman after a party and Y/n put the phone back to her ear, not wanting to read more in that moment, “Thank you, Kat. I’m glad you showed me.”

“Of course. I mean… it’s Daily Mail so it might not be anything, but I just wanted you to have that info just in case. You know?”

Y/n nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat, “Yeah. I know. I’m gonna go, though. I need to finish my canvas. But I’ll call you later, okay?”

Letting out a shaky breath she sat down so she could read the whole article, line by line. Obsess over the information and then google to find more websites and gossip pages, supposed first-hand accounts, unnamed sources talking about how he’s been seeing her for a while and he’s excited, other blurry photos of him at the party drinking…

She shook her head and stood up, locking her phone and putting it down on the table near the bottle of glaze. She looked over her canvas and figured she could take a break. It would be good for her to get out and take a walk. Clear her mind and figure out what she wanted to do.

Her walk resulted in her only dwelling on everything. He hadn’t called her in a couple of days but she knew he was traveling back to LA. She felt like he’d probably needed the rest from all the shows, the jetlag, time zone changes… but perhaps it was because he was seeing someone else now.

And that was certainly possible. They didn’t know one another all that well. She hadn’t even told him the whole story about her husband yet. About what had happened to him. And there had been no commitment made. They had sex in his hotel room. A few times. And it was really good. She felt they had a unique connection. Her feelings for him grew a little more quickly than was wise probably and the Facetime calls with all the revelations of things from their past and what they wanted in the future felt like she was talking to someone whom she could see herself with. He’d also given her his personal cellphone number which she knew was sort of a big deal.

But of course, that was ridiculous. This was Harry Styles and even if he did like her (which she was sure he liked her on some level) that didn’t mean they’d end up together. He could choose anyone. It certainly wouldn’t be her.

Later that night as she snacked on dill pickles and popcorn she fell into the hole of the search engine on her laptop.

The night Harry was supposedly seen with the woman was a night he hadn’t called her (she checked her call log). He didn’t call her every night, but it was still noted. Then she found another “source” saying Harry was happier than he’d ever been and that the Colombian woman was spotted in LA with him.

He hadn’t called her again that night either. Closing her laptop she figured it was over. She wouldn’t be calling him to find out what was going on. He didn’t owe her anything and it would look weird and stalkery to be asking him about the other woman. As if she had any claim on him.

Opening up her DMs on Instagram she decided to check back in on Dante. He’d messaged her all that time ago and she’d left him on read once Harry came into the picture. Maybe it was time to find someone closer to being in her own league.

.           .           .

Harry had a little time off and he caught up on much-needed sleep and getting back into a normal routine. He’d planned on calling Y/n that night. He’d been back in LA for a few days and felt like he was back in the right time zone finally. But he wondered why he hadn’t heard from her at all either. Normally she’d send off a little text during the day. A meme or something that would make him laugh. But it was silence from her for almost five whole days. Not that he’d reached out either but still…

He wondered what she was doing. It was a Saturday night and when he realized she was two hours ahead of him he figured he might as well give her a ring to see how she was. It was nearly 9pm her time already.

But the call went to voicemail so he left a message, a smile on his face, “Hey you… haven’t heard from you in a few days figured I’d give you a call to see what’s happening. I’ve been back in LA for a bit and I’m all caught up on rest. Give me a call back when you’ve time!”

She didn’t return his call that evening.

The following day Harry checked his messages and texts but he’d still gotten nothing from her and it was already midday (yes, he’d slept in quite late since he was up late writing a new song he couldn’t get out of his head). It was odd.

Shooting off a text message to her he suddenly had a feeling that perhaps she was avoiding him. Perhaps she’d seen the articles about him with someone else. He hoped that wouldn’t deter her from wanting to see him again. Hoped that she’d at least let him explain.

He needed to do something about it if that was the case. He couldn’t let her slip away without even having had the chance to see where it could go.

.           .           .

She heard the voicemail. In fact, she saw her phone light up with a notification that he was calling her in real time.

But she’d just messaged Dante and they had plans to meet up the following weekend. She’d been lucky that he hadn’t already come to town for the art exhibit. She thought she’d missed her chance when she messaged Dante back and apologized for not responding sooner. But he was polite as ever and they made plans to see one another.

So she was going to move on from Harry. There was unlikely anything good to come of it anyway. She had an amazing night with him and a handful of orgasms she could reminisce on but he was a world-famous pop star and he was single and surely he wanted to play the field for as long as he could. She understood it, but that didn’t make the situation feel any better. Therefore, the only way to get over him and to move on was to stop contact with him and get back out there.

Plus, now that she’d been with a man after her husband she felt like it was time to start dating again. It had been fun with Harry and she could have fun with others too. Maybe she’d sleep around a bit. See what that was like. Sow her wild oats. She’d gotten married so young and had little experience before him… Yeah, it was time to get out and date.

The following day she saw a text from Harry after leaving a meeting with someone who knew an art dealer.

Was just thinking of you. Missed hearing your voice. I’m back in LA now. Call me or text back. 

She sat in her car and locked her phone, putting her head behind her on the headrest. What was he doing? She was kind of confused that he’d called her, left a voicemail, and then today had texted her. She really was trying to just move on. Figured he had too. But she was too curious not to call him. However, she’d keep him waiting until she was at home with a bottle of wine before she reached out. Maybe she’d hear him out. Maybe he wouldn’t bring up the other woman. She wouldn’t be bringing it up unless he did, but he had to know she’d heard about it. Right?

So, she took the long way to her house, stopping to pick up a bottle of wine and Chinese food before getting home.

She drew her curtains and took her clothes off, only wearing her panties and a tank top, and put her hair up in a messy bun on her head (like the real-deal messy buns, not those cute going-out-messy-on-purpose messy buns). Pouring herself a glass of wine and taking a big gulp she looked down at her cell phone as she sat on her couch and re-read his text.

For some reason she was nervous. She wasn’t sure how this conversation would play out but she wanted to find out what the result would be. This could possibly (most definitely) be the end for them. And she’d be okay with that if it were. Bummed, but fine. She still had her date with Dante to look forward to.

She dialed the number and put him on speaker as she leaned back into her couch and covered her face. She didn’t know if he’d pick up or not but she wanted to get this conversation out of the way.

“Hello!” Harry’s voice came over the speaker quickly. He sounded keyed up.

“Hi. It’s Y/n. You called and texted so I wanted to return your call.”

“Oh yeah… well, it’s been a few days. Was wondering how you were. So, yeah… How’ve you been?”

“I’m good. And you?”

Harry paused and noted the way she answered him in a clipped tone, cold. Not her normal friendly disposition.

“I’m well. Is… is everything all right?”

“Sure. Just doing my thing. Is everything all right with you?”

Harry sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, “Yeah. Um… did you read something about me? Is that why you’re upset?”

Y/n laughed and took a sip of her wine. Here we go, she thought to herself.

“Do I sound upset to you, Harry?”

“You actually do. Yes. Look, if you’re pissed about the articles from when I was in Colombia, I just want you to know that all of that is blown out of proportion. Right? So-“

“Oh. Interesting So you’re saying you didn’t make out with a Colombian woman at a party in Bogota?” God, she hated to sound so jealous but he did bring it up first. She cringed as she let her hurt feelings surface, but it was too late to keep her cool like she intended.

Harry sighed loudly, “I just mean that’s all blown out of propor-“

“Yes, you said that. I’m asking if what is being said is true or not.”

“It didn’t mean anything, Y/n. I am a bit of a flirt and I kissed a woman but that was it! I swear. I thought of you the whole time-“

“It’s fine, Harry. You don’t owe me anything. Besides, I’m going on a date next weekend anyway. We’re free to see other people, right? And-“

“A date? Next weekend?”

She laughed, “Yes. A date. Next weekend. It’s not like you and I will get to see one another much anyway. If at all. So there’s no reason to drag this out. We had fun but it’s clearly not something we need to bother ourselves with.”

“Bother… what? I thought we really connected, Y/n. I’m confused. I really like you.”

“But how can you say that when you made out with someone else? I really like you too Harry but you’re seeing other people because you know as well as I do that this, whatever it is between us, was never serious. Right?”

“No. No that’s not true. And I didn’t make out with her! It was like a quick party kiss sort of thing. Damnit! I swear, Y/n. I’m sorry. I had a little too much tequila and I kissed her but I really was thinking about you and she wanted me to come with her to her room but I told her I was seeing someone and that was it! God, I fucked this up didn’t I?”

Y/n sat for a moment. She had to admit she was surprised by all of this. Surprised that he’d contacted her after she didn’t respond the first time, that he seemed upset about possibly having offended her or hurting her, and that he was acting like he really did like her. But she determined that it was best if they parted ways. She realized it would simply be too hard for this to work. And based on the way his fans obsessed over the Colombian woman and were already talking shit about her (when they didn’t even know who it was) she knew she was right. She had to put an end to it before she got her heart broken.

“There was never anything to fuck up, Harry. But, look… let’s be honest here okay? I’m just a regular gal. I’m not your type, not the type that would be able to deal with your fame and all your adoring fans. I had a lot of fun with you and I think you are absolutely amazing. I really do like you but I just can’t see this working. You know?”

Harry shook his head and tried to stay calm. He had to think. He had to make this work. And he needed to not freak out about the fact that she was going on a date. He hated to think of her with anyone else. And yes, he did kiss a woman, but it wasn’t the same thing! Not to him anyway.

“I think you’re wrong. I think it can work. Let me prove it to you. I’ll come see you. Cancel your date next weekend and let me take you out instead.”

Y/n blinked her eyes, taken aback. She was truly shocked that he wanted to see her again and that he wanted to make it work but still…

“Harry…” she sighed, “you can’t expect me to cancel my date. That’s really not fair to me.”

He knew she was right, “Okay. Sorry. I guess I’m overstepping. I just thought we really connected. I was looking forward to seeing you again.”

Pulling her lips into her mouth she sat her glass of wine down. She was looking forward to seeing him again too, until she learned about the kiss. Even if they weren’t serious and even if the kiss meant nothing to him it meant something to her, “Please don’t make this hard. I really did like you, Harry. But it’s obviously not going to work. And that’s okay.”

“No. It’s not okay. I’m coming to see you. You don’t have to cancel your date. I’m not going to boss you around, but I’ll be flying to Chicago on Friday morning. I’m going to prove to you that we have something good here, Y/n. And if you still don’t see that after next weekend then I’ll back off.”

She couldn’t lie and say that she wasn’t beside herself with the idea that he wanted to put in so much effort to see her. And she certainly couldn’t stop him from going to Chicago and she wouldn’t. But she did feel like it was unlikely he’d actually show up.

“I mean… Jesus, Harry.” She shook her head and grinned, her heart pounding, “You’re crazy. I don’t understand why you want to do this. We had a night together-“

“It was more than just a night. Y/n, come on… you know as well as I do that it was more than just that. All the things we talked about on the phone all those nights. Did that mean nothing? I shared so many personal things with you and I know so many things about you too. But I want to know everything. All of you. I might be crazy but I can’t just give up.”

“We’ll see. And I can’t stop you from flying out here but I’m not going to make you any promises either.”

Harry was determined. More than ever. He knew it was special with Y/n. He knew she knew it too. The night he had her in his hotel room was maybe the hottest sex he’d ever had. And of course, hot sex doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re soul mates but the way they connected and were vulnerable with one another was not like anything he’d ever had. Then all their subsequent conversations and things they’d revealed about themselves? No. He wasn’t done and she wasn’t either. He felt it deep down that she wanted him to prove to her that he was serious.

Kissing that woman had been a mistake. And now he was going to prove to her that he was serious. That they could work.

.           .           .

She didn’t know why she told him where she was going to be on her date. She didn’t need to tell him. He could wait to see her until after. She told him as much at first when he called her the moment he landed.

“Where will you be with your date?” He spoke saying the word date like a dirty word.

“Harry… why do you need that information?”

“Because I’m just curious. Maybe I’m looking for restaurant suggestions.”

“I’m sure,” she rolled her eyes to herself, “If I tell you, you better not show up and ruin everything. I kind of like this guy, Harry.”

Harry’s heart fell into his stomach and the smirk on his face faded at that. She liked the guy? She was supposed to only like him.

“I won’t ruin anything. I promise.” He couldn’t actually make that promise. He wouldn’t be held accountable for the methods he used to convince her she was his. That she wanted to be with him only.

.           .           .

The steak house was a typical small-town restaurant that looked cutesy and had a few things on the outside of the building to let you know it was a restaurant but still came off as more of something that looked like a house.

The inside wasn’t much different. The entry into the restaurant started at the bar. Round high-top tables and tall stools scattered along the middle with dining tables with chairs of normal height lined the wall to the right. The bar with various bottles of neatly arranged, half-empty bottles of liquor along the left. Old wood floors, crown molding, high ceilings, an old dusty scent mixed with the smell of stale spilled beer (that smell just doesn’t come out after years of clumsy customers insisting on spilling their ales every night for the past 35 years), food cooking, and meat searing. Beyond the bar was the main dining room with more tables placed around the space and large windows that looked out onto a sizeable terrace with more tables under a large awning.

Harry let his gaze move around the room and walking past the bar he peeked into the main dining room to see if he could spot the woman of his dreams.

“Harry Styles!” A young lady shrieked and as he turned back he saw two other women walking toward him. He knew the look. They were starstruck and hoping for a chance to speak to him and get a photo.

Reluctantly he obliged. Signed a napkin, took a few pictures, and shook their hands with a smile on his face. It tended to be better to just be nice and give them something quickly instead of declining. Sometimes declining or saying he couldn’t resulted in more issues than it was worth.

Not spotting Y/n anywhere either inside or outside he asked the young man stood at the front if there was a reservation under Y/n’s name. He expected that her date would have put it under his name but on the off chance-

“Yes sir. Uh, that reservation for 2 people isn’t for another fifteen minutes. Are you the other party on the reservation?”

Harry grinned and nodded, “Why yes. I am.”

He followed behind the kid to a spot outside on the terrace and ordered a bottle of red wine. He knew he wouldn’t be able to drink the whole thing but figured that once Y/n arrived with her date they could finish it off. He knew that what he was doing was taking it a little too far (maybe a lot too far) but he wanted to properly greet her and get a good look at this date. He’d get up and let them take their seats and then he’d pay the bill of course as an apology for the inconvenience.

Before he’d finished his glass of wine his sight landed on the entry to the terrace where Y/n, a tall man with dark hair (presumably her date), and the young host who seated Harry were walking toward him. There she was. She’d really dressed up too. The low plunge of her dress and the way it hit her hips were mouthwatering. He stood up quickly as he continued to watch her in awe. Her pretty face was set in an unamused frown, “What are you doing Harry?”

Shrugging his shoulders he looked to the guy next to her. He was Harry’s height. Taller even. Annoyingly good-looking in an older, sophisticated yet unbothered kind of way, “I’m Harry,” he jutted his hand out to shake.

The date looked at Y/n and then back to Harry with his hand taking Harry’s in a firm shake, “Yeah, I know who you are. Harry Styles… But why are you sitting at our table?” He asked with a laugh. So she hadn’t told her date about him. Pity.

“Oh, I was just having a sit, drinking a little wine. But I’ll be on my way. Just wanted to make sure my lovely friend here made it safely. Oh! And please! Enjoy the rest of the wine. And I’ve already told them that the tab is on me. So get whatever you like. Go wild.”

The look of anger on Y/n’s face should have deterred Harry from speaking further, but he couldn’t help himself, “And you look… wow. Incredible. You’re stunning, Y/n,” he looked over her frame and then back to her face, “I’ll call you later,” he winked as he turned and sauntered away just as casually as he had mentioned he was paying their bill. As if it were all just a normal occurrence.

Y/n watched the handsome pop star walk away before turning to Dante, “Sorry about that. He was just trying to be funny. Just a friend,” she reassured.

Though, Dante didn’t seem wary of him at all. He was clueless as to what had just happened, “You know Harry Styles?!”

Sitting down and pushing Harry’s nearly empty glass of cabernet to the edge of the table she nodded, “Yeah. Met him a couple of months ago when he was in Chicago for a concert, and I was there for an art show. Just luck.”

She left out the part where he had her in his posh hotel suite one evening and they spent the whole night fucking and talking and laughing. Connecting. And then again in the morning until she had to leave.

Y/n wasn’t sure how to feel about Harry’s little stunt. He seemed like such a genuinely sweet guy that what had just happened felt a little out of character. Though she got some glimpses of his pushy, dominant side in bed, she hadn’t seen any of that persona transfer outside of the bedroom. Not when he first introduced himself, and not in any of their conversations on the phone… But she guessed perhaps there was a part of him that would come out in this way. And she couldn’t lie and say she didn’t enjoy it all deep down.

But still. The nerve of him to sit at the table she and her date would be sharing and drink wine while he waited for them. To look at her the way he had, his eyes blatantly following her shape down to her hips and back up again with that grin… The compliment. And then to have their bill paid for? It was a power move. He was trying to assert dominance over Dante in some way. Even though Dante was annoyingly clueless somehow. She thought for sure he’d be livid about it but he wasn’t.

Dante was a little too nice she decided.

And it’s not like Y/n thought her date should be upset. She didn’t want two men fighting over her or anything. But the part of her that kind of liked what Harry had done, liked that he was trying to stake a claim or send a message- wanted to see what Dante had in him. Wanted maybe just a tiny bit to see him jealous or even insist on paying despite the fact that Harry said he would. Dante didn’t seem threatened at all. She shook her head of those thoughts. How silly for Y/n to even think that he should feel that way. Of course not!

And she couldn’t stop thinking about how good he looked in his suit and his thick dark hair with soft curls as she and her date neared the table he was casually sitting at. The handsome smug look on his face as he watched them. And she tried to refocus and listen as Dante was talking about his recent gallery show but she was now stuck thinking about the night she and the famous man shared together. That was probably part of what he intended as well, showing up like he did. To set the tone for the entire date. He knew what he was doing. And it had worked.

“Excuse me. I need to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

She took a deep breath as she walked into the restaurant and followed the hanging wooden signs that pointed toward the little hallway where the two bathrooms were. A single toilet room each for women and men.

Flicking the light on and clicking the lock she leaned into the door and closed her eyes. She had to give herself a pep talk.

“You’re here with a perfectly nice and handsome man. Same interests, a level head, funny, humble…” and Dante was all those things. But something was missing. Something was holding her back from truly enjoying his company. And she knew just what it was. It was because he wasn’t Harry. And even if Harry hadn’t made his surprise appearance to discombobulate her completely, interrupting her date, she would have still felt the same.

Just as she pushed herself off the door there was a knock, “Sorry! Be right out!”

Y/n washed her hands and dried them before opening the door. But in a shocking split-second, she was met with the handsome smile of the man she couldn’t stop thinking about as he walked into the bathroom, causing her to step herself backward. Harry closed the door and clicked the lock.

“Harry! What are you doing?!”

Harry smirked and leaned his back into the door, “How’s the date going?”

Crossing her arms over her chest she tried to feign annoyance but she was working hard to hide her own grin, “It’s fine. I like Dante. Why are you still here?”

“I figured I’d see if you were free after. I brought some things with me that I think you might enjoy.”

She paused. He brought some things? What did that mean?

“I can’t believe I told you where my date was,” she shook her head and sighed.

“I’m sure you did it because you hoped for this very outcome.”

“Oh come on, Harry. I actually didn’t think you’d even come here this weekend, to be honest.”

Harry stitched his brows together and pushed himself off the door, taking two long-legged strides toward her, and brought his hands up to her face, “Well I am here. And I want you, Y/n. I don’t care that you’re on a fucking date. That should be me sitting out there getting to take you out,” he jabbed a finger in the air toward the door before returning his palm to her cheek.

Her blood pumped quickly through her veins and her head felt fluttery and light as she watched his mouth and then looked at his eyes as he spoke. His hair was fluffy and soft and his hands on her face felt gentle but she knew what they could do. All the very opposite things of gentle that had awakened some kind of indulgent new requirement. She wanted to put up a good fight. Make him work harder. Make him beg a little even. He’d kissed another woman! For god’s sake, she should make him grovel. But he was there. With her. Looking at her like he did that last morning they were together when they were making plans to keep contact until they could see one another again.

She didn’t know how to respond. If she were responding candidly, she’d tell him that yeah, it should be him out there treating her to dinner and not Dante. That she hadn’t been able to get him off her mind and last night, even though she had this date lined up, it was Harry’s image that she orgasmed to when she masturbated. In fact, it had only been Harry she got off to since she’d had that night with him nearly two months ago.

Harry tilted his head and spoke softly, “Please, Y/n. Do you want me to get on my knees? Beg? Or,” a small devious smirk quirked up on his lips as he licked them and ducked in to speak into her ear, his body pressed into hers, “maybe you want this. You like the chase, don’t you? Is that what you want? Trying to play hardball with me, sweet girl?”

She was a goner the moment his lips brushed over the shell of her ear and he brought his hands down from her face to her hips and pulled her in close. A small warm peck to her lobe, “What is it that you want me to do? I’ll do it.”

Y/n drew her hands up his back to his broad shoulders and moaned as she stretched her neck for him, “You shouldn’t be here. I’m in the middle of a date.”

And despite her words, Harry seemed to figure out what it was she needed and he dragged his mouth down to her jaw and then attached his lips to her neck and lightly peppered kisses and warm licks down the sensitive skin until he lowered enough that he’d made it to her clavicle, drawing a needy little gasp from her lips.

He backed away to look down at her and she had her lips parted and eyes closed, which made him smile.

She was his.

“And this dress,” he smoothed his hands down from her hips to the bottom hem of the material that landed just above her knee. He pulled the fabric upward, his warm fingers sliding up and under the stretchy cloth until he met her inner thighs, squeezed together, “Why did you do this? Wearing this for him? Baby this dress should only be for me.”

Her breaths deepened and her body grew hot with his hands on her. This was such a bad idea but she didn’t have it in her to stop him. She wanted him. When she opened her eyes and looked at Harry she licked her lips before speaking, “I hoped you’d see it. But I didn’t really think you’d come.”

Harry’s palms splayed against her thighs and continued to push the material up as he smiled at her with a cocky grin, “Wanted me to see it. So you wanted me to be jealous. To see you wearing this slutty thing on a date with another man while I watched. Suppose I deserve that. But you know you’re leaving here with me. Yeah? That’s what you wanted. Gonna show you what you deserve for teasing like this.”

Y/n let out a small whimper when he pushed her legs apart and kept his eyes on hers. His light green eyes were slowly disappearing under his dark pupils. His lids were droopy, and his lips parted as he finally moved his face to hers and nudged at her nose with his before putting her out of her misery and kissing her in a hot, desperate embrace.

She tried to resist but she’d already been a goner and the way he kissed her melted her senses and stamped out her resolve.

She was his.

Harry’s hands continued their path upward and she knew what he was doing, as far gone and mushy as her brain was, she understood his intentions. So she parted her thighs more for his access and Harry panted against her lips, “You want me to touch? Need a little something before you go back out there on your date?”

She nodded after faltering for a second. Her date… She wasn’t sure she could face him after this. She only knew she wanted Harry.

He pushed his fingers over her silky panties and grinned as he continued kissing her, her back pressed into the wall, “Fuck, baby girl. You need Daddy don’t you?”

She groaned and popped her eyes open, nodding the tiniest bit as she watched him use his hand on her, rubbing over her cloth-covered clit. Harry hissed and looked at her with sultry eyes, “Soaked for me, baby. You don’t want to go back out there to him. You need to be taken care of. Can you wait til we get back to your place or do you need it now?”

Harry was serious. He was going to leave with Y/n. Dante would be fine. His check was covered after all.

Y/n let out a shaky breath. Here or at hers? Her place was half an hour away and she was already vibrating with desire. Harry’s words and soft touches and his presence somehow pulled from her a need that she hadn’t felt in a very long time. One that she was certain Dante couldn’t affect.  

“This is crazy,” she breathed out.

Harry pushed his mouth to hers and moved his fingers down to the drenched crotch of her panties pushing them to the side and he keened at the feel of how slick she was under the pads of his fingers.

“Remember how good it was, Y/n? How you moaned and came over and over again? The way you took me when I fucked you.”

Harry was hard as rock in his trousers. This woman was doing things to him. He hadn’t been so determined about anyone in a very long time.

“Yes,” she whispered when he stroked up and down through her labia and then pressed into the hood of her clit.

“And how good we are together. We work, Y/n. This works. I know you know it.”

He plunged two fingers inside as he kissed her mouth. She opened her legs further for him and rocked her hips forward into his hand.

Y/n realized suddenly where they were and what they were doing when a knock sounded on the door, “Let’s go. I need to tell Dante that I’m leaving first.”

Harry was directed to stay outside at the front of the restaurant while Y/n went to the terrace and broke the news to Dante. She felt awful. She really did. Dante was nice. He was attractive. But he wasn’t her type in the end and she was slick between her thighs as she sat down and winced at the feel. The empty ache. She was flushed and her panties were chilled against her skin where it was wet, a result of just having been fingered in the bathroom. But her body was guiding her. She was aching and wanted Harry in her bedroom. Wanted Harry inside of her again.

It was probably a mistake. She’d probably regret this but she only knew one thing. And that was that Dante would never have a chance. Not when she was fantasizing about Harry on a date with him. That wasn’t fair to him, to string him along. So she justified that it was better this way.

.           .           .

Y/n had fully expected that Harry would have a driver or something. But to her surprise, he rented a car. A really nice car. A Mercedes Benz wagon.

She did kind of wish he had a driver, though, so they could sit in the back and that there was one of those partitions that separated them from view. But as it was, she was sitting in the passenger side as Harry drove her to her house.

It was kind of wild to her that Harry Styles was driving her to her house and that once there, in her small residential bungalow, they’d probably wind up having sex. Certainly, they’d wind up having sex.

“I’m sorry I did it this way,” Harry paused with a smirk on his face, “but not that sorry. Worked out in my favor.”

Y/n breathed out a laugh and shook her head, “Yeah, I guess you got your way. I imagine you’re used to that.”

“Heey! What’s that supposed to mean?” He knew exactly what she meant.

“It just means you’re probably not used to not getting exactly what you want.”

Harry nodded shallowly as he kept his eyes on the road in silence. He was just happy it had worked. He wasn’t sure it would. And yes, he was used to getting what he wanted but he didn’t expect to get everything he wanted. Not all the time anyway.

“My place is pretty small. Two bedrooms. One bathroom. A small backyard. So don’t judge, okay?” She was mostly teasing, feeling quite nervous about what was soon to happen. The state of her home was actually the last thing on her mind.

“Don’t be nervous, love. We’re going to have a great time together.”

Y/n gulped the saliva in her throat and looked ahead toward the road. She knew they’d have a great time together if their last time together was any indicator. In fact, she imagined it might be even better. He was visiting for three days and she had nothing to do other than finish the canvas she’d been working on for the past week. So they’d have a lot of time. To explore and to play. To talk.

She recalled a conversation they had one night over the phone when Harry brought up her pretty, plump bottom, his words still making her blush having never enjoyed anyone calling her plump in any way. But somehow, when Harry said it, it felt sexy. He made her feel sexy. Her curves and her extra bits, her tummy and ass and arms and thighs… they only spent the one night together but he made her feel as if all of her was beautiful.

“Such a pretty, plump bottom like yours… and you’ve never had anal sex before, or anything? My finger was the first to poke inside?” He spoke his words with a smile.

She was already lying down in bed and gently rubbing herself to the sound of his voice and he’d been heavily flirting and suggesting what they’d do together the next time they saw one another.

“No. Have never done anything back there,” she laughed breathily.

“We can change that. I can start by licking your pussy and your ass until you’re so wet and creamy that I can just slip my finger inside your little hole and get you ready for more.”

She moaned lightly at the idea.

He continued, “And once you’re shaking and begging to come I’ll slowly fill you up with my cock so you can finally experience what it’s like.”

Y/n laughed and paused her fingers, “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

Harry groaned and panted (he was also touching himself), “Oh I would be in heaven to have you any way you wanted. But to be able to be your first experience with that would be amazing. But the question is, Y/n, would you like that?”

She squirmed in the soft black leather seats just thinking about it. She wasn’t sure if he’d want to go that route or not but she figured if he got her loosened up and drippy she probably would very much want that. She felt like he’d make it good. She knew he’d make it good.

Harry noticed the way she shifted and wondered if she was still on edge. He imagined her panties were a mess after what happened in the bathroom. He would have loved to have fucked her then and there but she asked to leave. And he could wait a little longer, though his cock was aching and pushing against the front of his trousers painfully.

Y/n was trying not to eye his crotch. He clearly had an erection. Still. And she knew he was nice and thick and long. Just remembering the way he looked had her thighs clenching together. Yes, she was still very wet in her panties, and knowing that soon he’d be using that thing on her gave her an idea.

She reached her hand over and put her palm on his upper thigh over his pants and Harry quickly glanced down before putting his eyes back on the road. He swallowed thickly. He liked where this was going.

“Gonna help me out a little?”

Y/n smirked and looked up at him as she unbuckled her seatbelt, “Do you want me to?”

Harry scoffed and shot his eyes at her quickly, “Is that a serious question?”

Biting her lip she positioned herself to lean over the leather console and began to undo the leather belt he had on. Harry adjusted his seating and pressed the seat back button to lean back a little to give her more room as she unbuttoned his pants. He parted his lips and let out a labored breath when he felt her palm over him.

He was so warm under her hand, even with the material of his pants covering him. She continued working on opening his pants up when the seatbelt warning dinged.

Harry groaned and rolled his eyes but she continued, not worried at all about the sound. She wanted to pull him out and play with him a little bit.

The road to her house from the restaurant was mostly along a small highway with no stoplights and very little traffic. Which she liked so she could have him out in her hand and no one would pull up next to them and catch a glimpse of what they were doing. Not to mention it was Harry Styles in the car, that would surely get some attention.

When she finally dragged his underwear down enough that she could grasp around him he moaned softly. She loved how he felt in her hand, the way he looked. She pulled from the base of his shaft upward, rolling his foreskin over his frenulum and back down. He was hard and his tip was pink and pretty like his lips.

The ding of the seatbelt warning chimed again as she leaned further over and moved her lips to right above his erect cock. Harry moved his arm away to give her space, before putting his hand on the back of her head. Her hair fell over the exposed skin at the base of his cock before he felt her lick gently over his slit and stroked him slowly as Harry drove down the road toward her home.

It was difficult to put him into her mouth with the console in between them but she had been able to put his tip in past her lips and lick all around him, lapping at his precome as she continued moving her hand in gentle strokes at his shaft.

Harry was panting shallowly and his stomach muscles were contracting. It felt so good to have her mouth and her hand on him. He wished he could look down to see her sucking him off but he had to keep an eye on the road, and with her seatbelt undone (thanks to the reminder every two minutes from the warning chime) he didn’t want to chance anything.

Y/n moaned around his slit and Harry choked out his words, “Fuck, baby. We’re almost there. Gonna give it to you so good when we get to your place.”

And she knew he would too. She wasn’t very experienced. She’d slept with two men before she got married but of all the men who’d fucked her, Harry was far and away the best at it.

Harry pulled into her small driveway, directly behind her Toyota Camry. Tucking himself back into his pants as she adjusted her dress before getting out of his car and plucking her keys from her purse.

“Did he pick you up here at your house?” He pointed toward her car in the driveway. He deduced that if her vehicle was there the date must have come to her home to pick her up.

Y/n paused and it took her a moment to understand what he meant but the realization dawned on her, “Yes. He did.”

Harry nodded, “So he knows where you live? Did you invite him in?”

Sighing she shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Was he really doing this now? “Yes. He came in, stood in the doorway, and looked around while I grabbed my purse. That was it.”

Harry was standing over her with a small frown, “Were you planning on sleeping with him? After the dinner?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. What is this, Harry?” She pulled her arms upward before dropping them at her sides in frustration, the keys to her house jangling as she did so.

Putting his hands on her upper arms he slowly rubbed upward, “This is just me wondering what you were up to is all. It’s a good thing I got there in time to stop anything from happening.”

A scoff fell from her lips as she looked up at him, stunned, “No. This is you being jealous.”

Harry shook his head with a cocky grin and brought his left hand up to her neck and pulled her into his chest, “I’d be jealous if you left with him. But he’s nowhere to be seen now is he?”

She felt the small squeeze on her neck as he pushed her bottom gently to the front of his car, his hips connected to hers so she could feel him, “S’just you and me here, though. Isn’t it? You’re wet for me. Not for him,” his soft, warm mouth was suddenly pasted over her jaw and she gasped. It was hard for her head to fight its way out of the labyrinth of mush that he seemed to be so good at leading her into. But he knew that. He loved the way she responded to him.

Harry chuckled, his laugh vibrating off her neck as he tenderly kissed the edge of her parted lips before backing away and grasping her hand to pull her to her front door, “Let’s get inside then. Can’t fuck you out here on the hood of the car for all to see can I?”

Everything was rushed and desperate in her brain. She was shaky putting her key into her door to unlock with Harry right behind her, his hands at her hips, his lips on her neck.

The moment the door was closed and locked Harry pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. It was hot and frantic. They were both on edge and very much in need of release. Together. Even though he acted as if he had it totally together and he was in charge, he was feeling desperate too with the way his tip was leaky and his cock throbbed in his pants.

“It’s this way,” she panted breathlessly as she pulled his hand to bring him toward her bedroom.

But Harry paused when he saw a large, framed photo hung on the wall. It was of Y/n with a man. Kissing a man. She was wearing a beautiful wedding dress and the man was in a tuxedo with the backdrop of a lovely garden and flowers all around.  

“Is… this you?”

Y/n was halted when she whipped her head to look at what he’d seen. She realized instantly what he meant.

“Um. Yes.”

“Are you… married?”

Y/n sighed and let go of Harry’s hand.

Talk about a mood killer.

Chapter 3

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[seiwas]

SEL MY SEL …….. crawling over here for the ask game …………… you already know . who i’m going to ask for phdkdjdkdb IN MY DEFENSE I WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR VERSION OF HIM !!!!!!!

….. sugu ….. with ’sun’ ……. maybe 👉👈

(🍵 <- a little matcha for your troubles … good luck with the writing exercises my loveee <33 i’m cheering you on!!!)

ARI 🥹🥹🥹🥹 hehe ofc i shall write sugu for u! writing him is always so fun 🥹 thank you for the prompt, and for the matcha!! i will be sipping it as i write this 🥹 it is not a trouble at alllll!! esp if it's for youuuuu 🫶

contains: beautiful, gorgeous, sexy neighbor suguru, mood can be a bit unsettling... honestly a little stockholm syndrome-y (does this count as dark? idk 😭), skewed concept of reality and time

suguru + sun

you move into a new neighborhood on your 24th birthday.

it's a quaint house, fully furnished with wooden panels lining its contemporary build. you consider yourself lucky for finding a place this well-kept at the price point you offered. you're honestly surprised that suguru, your now landlord, accepted your application.

the area sits a few kilometers on the outskirts of the city, but it feels neither too quiet nor too busy; a perfect balance with an impressive view of the rising sun this early in the morning. that, and the people seem friendly, greeting you as they pass by. they even offer to help you haul things out of your car and into the house.

to the right of your house is one that holds the same design elements at yours, although a bit darker in its tones. it's sleek and modern, befitting of a bachelor.

"you must be the new tenant," a voice speaks from behind you, syrupy and smooth. you didn't even hear his footsteps.

when you turn around, you're met with a tall man who greets you with his arms held behind his back as he tilts his head low. there's a calmness that radiates off him, a sort of gentleness that signals he’s someone you can trust.

you nod, introducing yourself with your hand outstretched towards him.

"suguru," he replies as his fingers grab yours delicately. your eyes widen in surprise, recognizing the name, and he merely chuckles in return, a soft laugh that brings out kindness in his eyes.

"i should greet you properly," he lets go of your hand, placing it back behind him. "hello, new neighbor."

.

over shared breakfasts by your porch and impromptu dinners over at his, you grow a liking to suguru. he's polite and thoughtful, often knocking at your door in the mornings to offer you a cup of tea to watch the sunrise.

"you'll only find sunrises like this here," he leans back on the wooden chair you set out as outdoor furniture. his head tilts towards you slightly, impossibly close as you notice the corner of his lips curl up into a small grin.

hues of pinks, purples, and orange blend to illuminate his face perfectly. the sun is beautiful in front you, peeking between clouds as it inches away from the horizon, but something about him is infinitely more magnetic. your stare is immediately drawn to his lips, smooth and supple, before it meets his gaze.

you don't know what's worse―wanting to lean in or be pulled by the look in his eyes.

he fixes things that break in your home, always somehow knowing just when to show up. at first, it was your windows, the one by the attic, too high and dangerous for you to climb; then, it was your kitchen sink, its pipes regurgitating the water going down the drain. he's begun to bring you your groceries too, often asking for a list of what you need when he makes trips out of town.

your days blur easily when you're with suguru, and time passes almost fleetingly as you find your hours filled with soft laughs and touches so delicate you sometimes wonder whether they're real.

it should be noted, you think, how much time has passed since you first met him―an anniversary of some sort.

.

you learn that he owns both houses―his and the one you're currently renting. it once belonged to a friend who had to move for bigger, greater responsibilities elsewhere, he'd said.

"why did you decide on renting?" you ask him one night, over wine and candlelight.

your fingers fiddle with his as he sits you on his lap, this thing between you growing more intimate lately. he rubs his thumb along your thigh, resting his chin by your shoulder.

"you could have sold it or something."

he presses his lips gently on your collarbone.

"i could've," his fingers trail up to your waist, crossing your chest before landing on your chin, cupping it lightly to face him. your heart is hammering in your chest, senses on fire as his nose kisses yours. you think you can count every mole that dots his face beautiful. then, he inches closer, lips grazing yours as he whispers, "but i was waiting for you."

.

you mark each day at sunrise.

your digital clocks and calendars stopped working after some time, but you don't mind. suguru always tells you what date it is when you ask.

this morning, you wake up in his bed, and the sun is still as breathtaking as you remember it, the same pink, purple, and orange hues streaming through his window. when you look closely, the clouds―

"good morning," he brings you tea in bed, his hair topped off with a bun, a half-up-half-down.

your stomach fills itself with something warm and fuzzy as you smile at him, "morning."

"slept well?" his hand reaches for your waist under the duvet, and you giggle, ticklish.

"very," you crane your neck to land a soft kiss on his lips. "what date is it today?"

"october 28," he supplies.

your eyebrows shoot up as you realize, "i have to bring my car to the mechanic."

it's been 6 months now since your last check, right before you moved, and though you barely use your car anyway, it's best to be safe.

you quickly move to get up but suguru's hand keeps you in place, firmly pressed on your waist.

"i'll do it," he says with a smile on his face, "you rest here."

.

you barely see your other neighbors except for the girl who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and the twins down the street.

when you ask suguru about it, he dismisses the question quickly, saying, "must have moved," as he urges you to take another sip of your tea.

you dream of them that night, on bare streets; it wakes you in a cold sweat, the image of your neighborhood reduced to just your house and suguru's.

.

this is the 200th sunrise since you started counting, which means this is the 200th day since you and suguru officially got together. kind of.

your gift for him is a painting of the sunrise, because it reminds you of him; and because it's become your favorite thing to look forward to, too.

the pinks and purples blend together beautifully as it contrasts with the orange hues, and the sun continues to peak above the horizon as it settles between clouds.

suguru kisses you when you give it to him, the taste of tea right on his tongue.

he frames it on his bedside, and when you wake in his room the next morning, it greets you along with the back of his head, fast asleep.

your eyes flit to the view outside his window, the same pinks, purples, and orange hues. you tilt your head curiously, brows furrowing. the sun stays at the same spot above the horizon, and when you look at the painting again, the clouds hold the same position and shape.

a chill washes over you, your hearbeat pounding.

.

"what date is it today?" you ask suguru as you wash the potatoes in the sink.

another bag of groceries from suguru. now that you think about it, you don't think you've ever gone to the grocery store since moving.

"is it important?" he responds, slightly snappy. you've begun to notice that he hates it when you ask lately.

you eye him from the side.

"i was thinking of preparing a menu of what we'll eat during the holidays, if it's near."

the furrow on his brows smooths out as you give your answer, and so he says, "december 5."

and you know something is wrong, because that can't be it. it doesn't make sense with the sunrises you've counted.

.

you dream again, more and more as the days go by―dirt roads and your house and suguru's, run-down and empty. more things start breaking in your apartment, and suguru always knows when they need to be fixed.

there's a deep, twisting feeling in your stomach that intensifies, festering under your skin; it worsens in the mornings, when you sit with suguru at your porch and you think you see a crack in the sunrise.

.

sunrise valley the place where the sun never sets! ─── beautiful, bright, and destined for people who live just like you! find your new home here.

[DISCONTINUED] — FOR DEMOLITION ON DECEMBER 7. under investigation for suspicious spiritual activity and missing persons.

[pralinesims]

Give me ALL THEM TEAS for my love Devyn please <3 (but if i have to choose: oolong, matcha, chamomille and ginger)

why not... why not!!! These aren't too many questions, I think I'm actually gonna do them all?

Here we gooo~

What is your OC’s morning routine? Once he's awake, he usually gets up pretty early. Mostly showers before sleep, so that's one less problem to take care of in the morning. Needs a long, big breakfast, or else he riots. Always brushes his teeth after breakfast. If everything necessary is done, he'll prolly watch some TV or surf the internet until he has to go to work.

Does your OC like to read? What is their taste in books? He's more of a research guy, not much of a casual reader, but does like skimming through wikipedia pages to learn random useless facts.

Where does your OC feel most at home? Actually at home, especially with his girlfriend!

How does your OC decorate their space? Absolutely simple. Doesn't amass big amounts of decoration, likes to only leave a few pieces and pictures in spotlight and periodically switches them out depending on mood. Also dislikes most colors in his living space, so a bigger amount of the area is white or neutral. Likes grey, black and wood accents.

If your OC was a scented candle, what would they smell like? Laundry detergent, aloe vera and a hint of basil. Subtle, clean and effective, I'd say.

What is your OC’s comfort food/drink? Freshly brewed coffee ☕

What does your OC do when they’re stuck indoors for a day or two? Usually lazies up in bed and stays there the whole day for series marathons. If even those start to bore him, he might start sorting stuff or maybe even begin a cleaning spree.

What is your OC’s favorite piece of clothing? I feel like he'd pass away if he'd loss access to his hoodies. They're a big portion of what he wears, especially loves the ones steering into techwear direction. Very much needs comfy, practical clothes.

Does your OC like flowers? Which type of flower is their favorite? He's pretty neutral about flowers, doesn't much geek out over them. Likes orchids the most, especially the white ones, I'd figure he'd appreciate their sleekness.

What is your OC’s preferred little treat? Devyn loves some ice cream, ideally hazelnut praliné. Easily devours a whole pint in 15 minutes.

Does your OC have any bedtime habits or rituals? Not really, but taking a shower really is always the last thing before he goes to bed. Literally only omits these if he happens to be very sick.

How does your OC handle the cold? O.K. Really, okay. He mostly makes sure to wear thermal clothing, so he rarely struggles with being cold.

What kind of lighting does your OC prefer? Dim, bright, moody, secret fourth thing? If he's actively doing something, he very much prefers bright, illuminated light. Lights off for resting periods.

What does your OC do to relax? Going on walks or light jogs. These clear up his mind and help him to feel at ease.

What always brightens your OC’s day? Coffee (again, he really does love his hot bean water), a good supporting pillow, his girlfriend and whenever he receives random, well-thought out gifts.

[sunflowergem]

2, 11, and 18 for sunflower and valora (for the oc asks! if you're still taking those, sorry i'm super late <:3)

Not to worry, I'm literally always open to take asks especially for the OCS! Thanks for sending some in

2: what is their cafe order?

🌻 since she's based off me, I'll give my go-to order if it's available. I love lattes that have flower syrups in them. One of my particular favorites from a cafe that I used to go to in America had a lavender vanilla latte that I just adored. I miss that Cafe so much. It was right by where I had one of my part-time jobs 🥲 actually have a bunch of dried flowers that I needed to turn into some syrup so I can start making flower lattes for myself at home. They are usually not available where I live now. At least not in any of the cafes I've seen.

🩸hmmmm, I already have them as a fan of savory items but would they be a tea or a coffee person... I'm going to go with tea and I think there are frappuccino person. They are all about the indulgence and curiosity, so any new seasonal item would probably be their go-to to at least try once. So not so much a regular order but predictable when you can see the menu. If it's a place with a set menu that they go to constantly, probably like a chai frappuccino or a matcha frappuccino. Something with a bit of a strong flavor palette and a lot of really rich ingredients.

🌻 music boxes, sea shells, notebooks, mortar and pestle

11: name 3-5 things that you associate your oc with

I think I already did this one, but let's see if I can come up with some other items 😁

🩸 large pillows, paint, candles, teeth

18: is your oc afraid of anything?

🌻 losing others for sure. Despite the peril that they are all in. She's very happy to be around so many people. Especially as they I'll start to care for each other and become a real group of friends. The end of the campaign after the tadpole is gone is going to be rather devastating as she goes back to a more solitary life. In the best end she'll have a couple of them stick around for a while and some people living in her house but it's not quite the same connection that they had on the road. There isn't really a romantic connection for her either. I've thought about it a lot and I just really can't nail down one companion she would end up with and she just reads perpetually single to me. So I don't think she's going to end up in a relationship despite probably wanting one. She longs for the romantic connection but is never able to foster one of her own. On the more mundane side I don't think she ever truly got over her fear of thunderstorms. She just learned how to cope. It probably got worse when she got older and was left alone in the manner with mom. Not so much afraid of them but she does not like cows.

🩸 typical durge loss of autonomy fear, since she doesn't have a true form of their own loss of identity is pretty big and that one kind of came true after the memory loss because of Orin, they wouldn't remember it during the journey but was afraid of what would happen to Orin without them. They were fully aware of how messed up in the head Orin was but cared for them anyway, I also think they might have found out the true parentage of Orin before being attacked so that made them extra protective. There was a true twisted sense of selfless love between the two 'siblings' and when you love something, you're afraid to lose it. Back when they knew they were a blob. They were also afraid of losing their connection to Bhaal because they did not know if they could exist without him. Eventually they'll fear hurting the companions since they will go to care for them all. As they grow closer to Wyll, they'll end up with a fear of responsibility that would come along with the relationship to him. They end up scared that they can't be a good person, valid considering how much sway an evil entity has over them. Overall pretty typical durge fears, with a little bit extra of an identity crisis. Other than that they are truly too curious and stupid to have mundane fears like darkness, storm, fire, clowns. All that typical stuff doesn't really bother them.

[ironwoman18]

From competitors to lovers - Part 1

Disclaimer: Kimetsu No Yaiba (Demon Slayer) and its characters don't belong to me. I just use them to manage my boredom.

Chapter 1: Separate ways

Giyuu Tomioka was a boy born and raised in the United States, more specifically in New York. He loved his life there with his family.

His father always made an effort to keep his language and traditions alive so he made sure that Giyuu and his bigger sister speak Japanese with him and English in classes and outside of their home.

This forced both of them to be bilingual at a very young age, which wasn't a problem with Giyuu since he was really smart and he even learned to write Japanese quite fast for someone who hasn't been interacting with it his whole life.

His sister struggled a bit but in the end she did it as well so the Tomioka family was happy to share something unique and important.

When Giyuu was twelve, he was sent to Japan to live with Urokodaki, an old friend of his father. In there he has two more kids, Sabito and Makomo, a young girl two years younger than Sabito and himself.

The old man needed help with his dojo so Giyuu, Sabito and Makomo helped after school, they did their homework and fell asleep as soon as their heads touched the pillow.

Sabito was an outgoing guy who enjoyed talking to others and making jokes while Giyuu was quiet and he seemed grumpy at times but it was just a perception because he was actually really sweet.

Sabito noticed that, especially with Makomo who quickly became like a sister to Giyuu.

“Giyuu, you should talk more, you need more friends than me and Makomo, you know that, right?” Said Sabito one night.

“Yes I do but it's hard to do so...” He said softly “I'm not like you”

Sabito sighed and started to think about what would help his friend having more friends.

A brilliant idea came to his mind the next day “Giyuu... We are going to join a music academy!! We have some money saved and we can pay the classes with it” Urokodaki paid them for the work they do at the dojo so they used some money at school to buy a snack or a juice and saved the rest if they wanted to buy something more expensive or go to the movies.

He was reluctant at first but he finally joined a class with Sabito. Both decided to learn how to play guitar, and the classes included learning how to read music and singing lessons. Makoto didn't join them, but she supported them.

In their classes were two girls with similar black hair and hairpins, the Kochos, Kanae and Shinobu. Next to them was a mean-looking guy named Sanemi Shinazugawa, with white hair and a scar across his face.

They later discovered that they attended the same school but Kanae was in class five which was for the most brilliant students, Sanemi on the other hand was in class one which was for the... Less brilliant and bad behaving students.

Giyuu and Sabito were both in class four which means they were intelligent but not at the level of Kanao.

They quickly became friends. They even had lunch together at school and met after music lessons to hangout. Sanemi didn't like very much Giyuu at first but the black haired guy found out two secrets about Sanemi, one was that they both liked the same kind of music and the same mochis in town so they kind of found common ground there and the second one was his major crush on Kanao.

“I get it, she's pretty and very nice with everyone,” said Giyuu as they shared a box full of balls of rice filled with sweet black beans and matcha.

“Don't you dare tell anyone about it Tomioka” he said in a treating way, Giyuu only smiled.

“I won't, I would never do that, I enjoy having some friends” said Giyuu then ate some more. Sanemi was surprised by that but he could tell the boy next to him was telling the truth.

Sanemi was studying to play the drums, Kanao and her younger sister, Shinobu, were in keyboard classes. So they decided to practice together as a band. The girls parents were happy to see them having friends and enjoying the music lessons so they allowed them too, but only on the promise of not losing academic excellence, which will never be the case.

At first they weren't very good with harmony. Until they talked it out. Giyuu offered to play the bass since Sabito was better at showing up with the guitar than him and he could lead harmony. Shinobu agreed since she was younger and couldn't lead harmonies on her own.

Giyuu learned the theory. Bass and keyboard lead the harmony, drums the rhythm and the guitar was to give it a layer of rhythm and it was the flashiest instrument.

Kanae will be the lead singer, her voice and pitch were perfect. For some songs they changed to Giyuu or Sabito. They practice a lot until they organized a little show for their classmates.

Giyuu was nervous, tonight he will open with the opening of Dragon Ball Z. Something he practiced for months but was pretty nervous.

Until Shinobu took him backstage and shook him softly “hey... Tomioka... Calm down, you will be great, ok?” She said in a bossy tone “I trust you, my sister, Sabito and that weirdo Sanemi trust you so... Trust in you” he smiled softly and nodded.

“Thank you... Shinobu” he said patting her arms softly and the show began.

Kanae was backstage watching the first song. She was just their singer so, since Giyuu took the microphone he was playing and singing at the same time.

Their classmates were in shock by how good it sounded and sang alongside him. Then Kanae walked in and the show continued.

They did a mix of anime songs, some rock and pop songs popular at the moment and everyone was enjoying it.

In the end they drank water and talked to their classmates about the band and if they will continue. They decided that they would if they had more invitations for birthday parties or something like that.

The Hashiras, as they called themselves, spent the rest of the year doing performances; they even allowed the people to add two songs to their setlist to make it more personal for them.

Urokodaki was proud of his kids and encouraged them to keep going.

When they finished elementary school and joined middle school, things continued pretty well for them.

Their little band started to add their own songs, it was hard to do since they built up a reputation with their covers but people found their songs were pretty awesome too.

Giyuu normally writes rock songs, with hard feelings involved like anger or sadness. Kanae was more into love songs, she took her friends stories and wrote about them, with their permission of course, and Sabito was a mix between them so his songs could be about love but a sad love. Sanemi would never write a song in his life, he felt too dumb for that.

Shinobu also has songs but never shared them. She was keeping in the shadow her most international struggles to herself and couldn't dare to share them.

She felt anger, she felt like she was faking her emotions trying to be like her sister so she couldn't show her true self to anyone.

The band continued to grow in popularity among their school and neighborhoods so the Kocho parents bought some days in a studio for them to record five original songs for some extra money selling the CDs. It was huge and they were happy to finally have their music in a CD.

They sell it and continue to use the money they earned to continue doing the same.

They continued doing so until tragedy hits...

“WHAT THE HECK?! TOMIOKA CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!!” screamed Sanemi as some veins popped up on his forehead and his eyes were filled with little veins.

“MY PARENTS want me back to the United States...” He repeatedly emphasized that it was his parents, not him “I would rather be here than going back but they needed me there... My sister is... Dead... Her fiance did it... A car crash according to him but we don't believe it”

Kanae hugged him as he broke down and cried. Sabito and Shinobu joined in and Sanemi was dragged into it by a tearful Kanae.

They stayed like that for a while until they let the black haired boy go “I will be leaving at the end of the school year. I will start high school there” he is fourteen now as well as Sabito, Kanae and Sanemi, Shinobu is twelve.

Their last performance together was quite emotional and after it a couple of days later, Giyuu Tomioka was heading back to the United States.

Back in the USA, Tomioka continued his music lessons and luckily for him this helped him to have friends. He met Edward Monson, Matthew Braun, Samuel Fletcher and Veronica Green. They became his friends and they made a band.

Giyuu grew taller and became a very popular guy, even though he hated it, thanks to his mysterious aura.

He kept in touch with his friends in Japan but his new life was here so he tried to move on. He continued to write songs and they were really good.

He was leaning more towards rock and heavy metal thanks to Eddie, as they called their guitar player.

They became successful and entered a competition. The winner would be going on a tour and be the representative of the USA in an international competition.

Their parents allowed it and they began to practice. He wrote their setlist and practiced every day until the summer vacations arrived and the competition began.

They were allowed to perform one cover song and a set of five original songs.

Their cover song was Master of Puppets by Metallica, sung by Eddie. Veronica and Giyuu will have a duet then Veronica would be the singer of the other songs.

Sam and Giyuu were the keyboard and bass, Matt was on the drums and Eddie was their guitar player.

Their shows began and everyone was on fire. They were the last band of the day but the energy of the crowd was high so they seemed to enjoy the show pretty much.

“It was amazing!!!” Said an enthusiastic Eddie as they were in the green room drinking water and having a snack “I'm pretty sure we will past to the next round”

And they did. They scored the highest amount of points for the first set of five teams. The other three days were full of other talent groups. They picked two groups per day to continue to the next round.

Their band and seven others met in a two-day battle. Giyuu shared his progress with Sabito and the others via WhatsApp.

Then the last four battle to pick only two. Every performance they changed the songs, even the cover. They moved from Metallica to Imagine Dragons to Journey and now it was the turn for Queen. They sang Somebody to Love.

Giyuu took the lead and even though he was reserved he sang his heart out to this song and people were on fire. They continued with their original setlist and by the end of the night, their band, California Roll, and The American Girls, a band of only girls, moved to the finals.

“We have something on our favor” said Eddie as he ate a pizza slice “we have our killers duets with boy and girl, something the judges enjoy very much”

“Yeah but they will earn the vote of more men because they are all pretty girls” added Sam after finishing his own slide of pizza “and I'm not saying you aren't beautiful Vero but they are five”

“Sammy, sweetheart... I don't care if there are a band of twenty hot girls. I will beat them with my voice” she said, winking at him.

Yes, Veronica was sexy, she was blond, she had green eyes and she was tall especially with those high heels she usually wears on the stage.

But Sam was right, the American Girls had a blond girl, a brunette, a black haired, a red haired and an Asian girl. They have a girl for everyone’s taste.

“And did you forget that we have the female vote?” Said Veronica matter-of-factly “we have Giyuu, Eddie, Sam and Matty... There are a bunch of women who would be happy to vote for us”

She was right too. So Giyuu added “we can play our cards and win because, yeah... We don't have five hot girls but we have one and we can do duets with her so both women and men are happy and vote for us”

The final day of the competition would follow a different path, there will be two voting systems. One will be the judges and the other will be the audience. If you win both you will be the winner but if there's a tie they have to perform one last song and see which one is better and pick a winner.

It was hard but they were confident.

The day arrived, their cover song will be Don't stop believing by Journey. They played with the audience as always and had an extra duet.

Then it was the turn for the other band to play and they did it great but not as good as they did. They didn't say anything though, just in case they didn't jinx it.

In the end California Roll won and they celebrated all night. They would have their tour in December so they enjoyed the rest of the summer and began to practice at the beginning of their senior year.

Giyuu was very reserved but he already had his first kiss and his first time with a girl and he even enjoyed a one night stand now and then. Of course he was a gentleman and could never talk about it with anyone.

By Christmas he was on a tour with his friends. Writing songs and enjoying the success.

Then the international competition arrived and on the first day to check the sound he saw his friends... The Hashiras will be his competition... They had a new bass player and Shinobu was the one who stood up the most for him.

She grew up and she looked like Kanae but a bit shorter, she looked stunning even though she was wearing only black tight jeans and a Metallica shirt.

On the other hand, he took her breath away, he was way taller than she remembered, his hair was longer and tied in a messy ponytail. He was wearing worn out blue jeans and a black shirt.

They wanted to talk but it was hard since her band will be next to check out the sound and he would be next. She hadn't seen any picture of him ever since he left and he neither since she never posed with her sister.

OOooOOooOO

I wanted to do something with these two. It will be a long fic, I don't know yet how long but I hope you enjoyed it.

I had been thinking about writing a crossover with KNY and Spy x Family but still don't know how...

Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the comments/reviews.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #89

I have had a very busy day today.

It started off with going to the good place with all the nice people to listen to the awesome leader there speak on various things. Today we thought about how our actions impact the world around us, and about how important it is to pay attention and to be brave, but at the same time, about how important it is to rest and to seek support when we need it. My brain is soup right now, so the words have crumbled and faded away, but the meaning remains. Every time I go there and come back, I feel a little more courageous and a little more connected to the world around me, at least for a little while.

On the way home, J and I stopped at Eggcellent for some bubble tea. It has been some time since I had been back there; it felt good to get a rose matcha latte. I wish I could bring you there; I think you would very much enjoy a lot of their selections.

Then, at around 2PM, my friend P and his sister J picked me up and we went to go see a concert called A Legend of the Opera. There was a little pamphlet that came with it, which had a summary of the plot in text form; I was unable to understand most of the social nuances involved with it, because I think I was missing a lot of the context. I listened to the music, and that was nice, but there were no lyrics printed, and I have Audio Processing Disorder, so I couldn't understand a word of what anyone was saying. But there were a lot of awesome people doing very impressive things on a stage - people whose voices sounded really nice, and people who have spent a lot of time learning how to play beautiful melodies on their various instruments, so even though I had no idea what was going on, it was still amazing to witness, and I'm glad that my friends thought to invite me!

P and J are older than me by at least three decades, I think. They have seen much during the course of their lives, and they are extremely well-versed in history, as well as a huge variety of movies, literature, music, and theater productions. Anytime we go see a concert, there is always lively snacks and discussion afterwards about the various media that exist and how they relate to the real world around us. Time with them is always enlightening.

I only got home not too terribly long ago, though. It is 11:14pm, and I've been out and about since 9am. I experienced a lot of amazing things today, most of which my brain is too soupy to be able to describe right now. But nonetheless, I wish you could have been here with me to see all these things. I wish I could show you live performances of the beautiful music in my world. I wish I could offer you a spoonful of the cinnamon, cardamom, and saffron ice cream that P, J, and I shared. I wish I could give you a BLT, or a bowl of Italian Wedding Soup. I wish I could include you in lively conversation with all of the wise and intelligent people I know. I wish… goodness… I wish you could see through my eyes, even if it's just for a little while.

…Heck, instead of just seeing through my eyes, I wouldn't mind at all if we could trade places. I know that your circumstances are ones of immense loneliness and suffering. And mine, at this point in my life, are very much not that. So if it meant that you could be safe, if it meant that you could be happy, if it meant that you could have a life full of beautiful, loving, gentle things with people who genuinely care about you, people who challenge your perspective, people who teach you things, people who make you think… I'd take your place in a heartbeat. Even knowing how your circumstances might end (because they ended in the worst possible way before; I hope you won't go down that path this time), I wouldn't even hesitate. You could have mine, and I wouldn't mind at all, because my friends love me, and so I know they'd take good care of you. And given how soft and kind and gentle and smart you are, I know you would learn how to heal and then thrive and take good care of them in my absence, too. I just know it.

Hey, Sephiroth? I'm pretty tired, so I'm gonna end this letter here. Maybe soon I'll write some more about ACEs; there are more things to this rabbit hole that I didn't cover, but my brain is a bit too mushy to get into it now. So you gotta stay safe for next time, because there's still so much that you haven't seen, so much you haven't done, and so much that you still don't know. You can't disappear. Not yet. Please.

I love you and I'll write to you soon. Please make kind and gentle choices as you move forward into the future.

Your friend, Lumine

[edupunkn00b]

The Uses of Adversity, Ch. 15: Live to Tell

Prev - Live to Tell - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

WC: 3378 - Rated: T - CW: swearing, non-graphic discussions of abuse

Janus depositions Logan in preparation for their court battle with Kelly. He tells Janus everything. Well, nearly everything. Everything relevant, Logan is certain.

I have a tale to tell Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well I was not ready for the fall Too blind to see the writing on the wall

A man can tell a thousand lies I've learned my lesson well Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned 'Til then, it will burn inside of me - Live to Tell, Madonna

Roman stayed until Saturday afternoon. They spent the night on the couch, talking and… to be honest, each had dozed a bit, as well. Logan had fallen asleep first, warm and safe, wrapped in Roman's arms, holding him just as closely. The next morning, the boys didn’t question Roman’s presence and simply greeted him like he belonged there.

Despite his worries, they’d had a blissful weekend together, with cake and leftovers for breakfast, and a thrift store hunt for books and Doctor Who DVDs later in the day. Saying goodbye to Roman had been difficult, with wild fantasies of making a permanent space for him flitting through Logan's mind. But Remy's scheme to meet up the next weekend for the movie gave them all something to look forward to.

Remy’s housemate Emile came by Sunday afternoon after spending the weekend with his parents and they’d all fumbled their way through making sushi with the kit the boys had given him for his birthday. Emile had even gifted him a little matcha tea set, the sakura petals on the bamboo finish perfectly matching the kit from his sons.

By Sunday night, Remy, Virgil, and Emile had driven back up to Bellingham, and Logan had dropped off Patton at Kelly’s for her week with him. Neither had mentioned the papers. 

He took his time getting ready for bed, drawing out the rote tasks. He flossed twice, refilled the hand soap bottles, changed out the towels in all the bathrooms. The weekend’s busyness, his sons’ laughter filling the house—and, thanks to Roman, his own—had pushed away his worries about Kelly’s filing and Monday’s deposition with Janus.

Now that he was alone again, it was impossible to think about anything else.

More times than he wanted to admit, he’d picked up his phone, tapping open his ongoing chat with Roman, and tried to imagine what he would say if he invited him over. Twice, he’d even started to type out the message, but no matter how he worded it, his request sounded… disrespectful. Dirty. Hey, Ro, my sons aren’t home. Wanna come over?

Shaking his head, he went downstairs to finish the laundry he’d neglected that weekend. Once that was done, he moved on to strip all the beds and, in a few loads, had washed all the sheets and blankets. By the time he’d folded the last comforter, still warm and smelling like that Saturday Roman had found him at the laundromat, the first birds had begun their morning calls. Logan made his bed, brewed a fresh pot of coffee, then stood in front of the kitchen window to watch the sunrise slowly open the blooms in his flower box.

When the bottom edge of the sun cleared the horizon, Logan rinsed his cup and got ready for work. If he left soon, he could take the bus in and not need to worry about the traffic over the bridge.

~

“A little odd to be on the other side of one of these, isn’t it?” Janus remarked as he sat across from him in his office. He tried not to listen when Janus asked Beatrice to ensure they weren’t disturbed, though he’d appreciated the way Janus had asked him to bring a stack of files from his office as a subtle subterfuge.

“More than a little,” he nodded.

Humming, Janus flipped through folders on his desk. “I see from the proceedings you represented yourself—”

“You have my court records?” Logan interrupted, eyes wild as he tried to recall what other information might be hidden away in those files.

Janus looked up, a faint frown wrinkling his brow. “I’m your attorney.”

“Right, yes, of course… I—I don’t mean…” He looked down at his hands. Janus was certain to rescind the Assistant AIC offer after all of this. This was even worse than the review of his Q-Law cases.

“Did you consult with anyone?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I… took care of it. Kelly was the petitioner. She… It was… I just wanted it done.”

Logan wasn’t sure if Roman had warned him or not, but Janus started very slowly with the rest of his questions, building out a chronological list of events in their marriage and separation. He captured the boys’ names and birthdays—they’d been redacted from the court record. They talked a bit about Virgil’s birth and his surgeries. Logan even told Janus how Virgil’s genetic screening had showed a hereditary component to the defect in his diaphragm. He admitted how, afterward, he’d had his own genome screened and confirmed he carried the gene.

Janus didn’t ask for more details, so he let the rest of that thread drop.

Instead, he began to ask about the… quality of his relationship with Kelly. Logan bit the inside of his cheek, fighting for control. He’d just managed to win a sliver of respect from his boss. He couldn’t… He couldn’t just throw that all away with some overly emotional reaction.

“We… we disagreed on…” Logan sucked in a slow breath, forcing his twitching hands to calm. Janus’ eyes flicked down to his lap and made a note in the margin of his yellow legal pad. “On a few important things about the boys.” He shrugged, “Like all married people, I suppose.”

He nodded slowly, writing without taking his eyes off of Logan’s expression. “Your parents… disagreed a lot?”

In one breath, Logan was back in his parents’ old rambler in Oregon. He sat on his closet floor, making flashcards, a heavy AP History textbook open on his lap. Surrounded by hanging clothes, with his blanket shoved against the gap at the bottom, his father’s shouted words and his mother’s occasional responses were muffled and difficult to make out.

But the tones were unmistakable. And far too familiar. 

Logan couldn’t stop his hands from shaking so he crossed his arms over his belly, gripping and releasing the sides of his shirt. “Excellent motivation to get a scholarship to UW and move out on my own,” he said, an attempt at levity. His voice cracked at the end and Janus simply made another note on his legal pad.

Janus tapped the end of his pen against his lips and went quiet. Logan had observed him cross examine reticent witnesses often enough to have seen this tactic of his before. Given enough time under his ‘I have all day, how about you?’ gaze, even other attorneys who knew it was coming would start to sweat and say anything to fill the silence.

Logan was well practiced at holding his tongue.

“You were married for…” Janus flipped back to the front page and did the math. “Eighteen years.” Faster than Logan had expected, he’d moved on to the ‘I already know everything, you might as well answer my questions’ stage. “This is difficult. Difficult to talk about, difficult to re-experience,” he said, his voice softer than Logan had braced himself for and his eyes darted up, an unfamiliar expression on his boss’ face. “Believe me, I understand.” 

He nodded, then lowered his head and waited for Janus' next question, shields up and ready.

“Talk to me, Logan.” Without seeing his face, it almost sounded like a plea. “What made you finally decide to divorce?”

Eyes closed to avoid the inevitable ridicule on Janus’ expression, Logan forced a slow, deep breath. Still, his voice shook shamefully when he spoke. “How much of this has Roman already told you?”

“None." Logan looked up, the honesty in Janus' voice too strong to ignore. “Roman can be a bit of a drama king—”

“Excuse me?” Logan’s voice was sharper than he’d intended but instead of looking angry at his interjection, Janus merely looked surprised and… pleased?

“As is my Remus,” he said, the tone of that ‘my’ hanging in the air, as though he noted some other parallel between the brothers. Janus’ smile morphed into a bit of a smirk. “As am I, so I’ve been told.” Janus watched his reaction with interest and for a moment, Logan could have sworn his boss was about to add him to his list of ‘drama kings.’ Logan looked down and smoothed his tie for the sake of having somewhere else to look. “Personally, I think the world could use more drama kings,” he continued. “You never need doubt where you stand with us.”

Speak for yourself, Logan thought but did not say.

“Regardless.” Janus grew serious. “Unless you asked him to tell me something personal you’d shared with him, Roman would not breathe a word of it.” He lowered his legal pad. “And, aside from a very short list of legally required disclosures, the same is true for me. Your secrets are safe.”

He pinched his sides, a distraction from the tears already burning the backs of his eyes. Janus waited, but when Logan didn’t speak for several long moments, he prodded. “To do my job, Logan, I need to know everything.”

Logan deflated, the last shreds of his pride spooled in a tangled mess on the floor. “I know,” he sighed. 

“Was it more than 'disagreements' between you?” Janus asked again, even softer this time.

Logan’s bottom lip trembled, but the harder he tried to control it, the worse it got. He nodded and swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.

“Much more.”

~

Eighteen years of practicing law plus two decade’s worth of his own personal experiences had muted Janus’ expressiveness in the face of misery. Remus worked hard to ensure it was a mask he could drop, that he had spaces where he was free to cry and shout and stumble and laugh. His husband spent an inordinate amount of energy and love ensuring he would not be swallowed up and consumed by his jaded attorney façade.

Janus clung to that jadedness now, letting it carry him as he fought to keep a mostly neutral expression while Logan recounted the gradual descent from storybook romance to a narrow escape from Hansel and Gretel’s witch.

It was a familiar story. While Q-Law received most of its funding from its flashier cases, the national attention garnered through their work on major legislation, fancy galas, and private benefactors, from a caseload perspective, a plurality of their work was in family law. Domestic violence cases in particular. Q-Law was there to serve a need in the queer community and, tragically, that’s where the greatest need lay.

What made this story different for Janus was he didn’t need to ask if anyone at his client’s workplace had the faintest inkling of just how bad, just how dangerous his home life had been.

Janus had had none.

Shame bubbled in his chest as Roman’s tight-lipped admonition ran laps through his mind. ‘Maybe you don’t actually know him as well as you think you do.’ This interview proved he most certainly did not.

He turned to a fresh page. “And which of these injuries did you actually seek care for?” Logan curled in on himself, the implied accusation harsh even to Janus’ ears. “That came out wrong, I’m sorry. I simply wish to retrieve hospital records,” he said.

“Do you—” Logan shivered and Janus checked the thermostat. The office was set to 71°F. “Do you really think that will be necessary?”

He frowned and sat back in his chair. Janus was accustomed to clients, particularly DV clients, demonstrating resistance to reliving and retreading these parts of their lives. But Logan was a lawyer. A lawyer who, thanks to his now explainable eagerness to pick up so many of the toughest DV cases, was arguably the most experienced DV trial lawyer in the firm.

What wasn’t he getting about this?

“We’ve only seen the initial petition, Logan,” Janus began as carefully as he could. A spark of annoyance he couldn’t quite suppress buzzed in his mind. “If she alleges any sort of—”

“I never hurt her. Not even—” His voice fell away and his eyes were drawn to the door. Fuck, he was losing him.

Janus looked down at the desk between them. He stood, wincing when Logan flinched. He brought his legal pad and a pen and sat at the other end of the couch, nothing between them now but a few feet of overstuffed leather sofa.

“What can you share, Logan?” he asked softly.

“I…” He sighed, shoulders curled over and he held out his right hand. A vague recollection of a college sports injury explaining away the titanium pins that triggered court metal detectors flicked across Janus’ mind.

“I had surgery at Evergreen for my wrist fracture. Started at the emergency room. There will be X-rays.” Janus’ pen flew across the page. “I left… AMA from Recovery.” He massaged the bone just above his wrist and from here, Janus could see the three little white lines from the incisions. “Kelly came by with the kids and… drove me home.”

“She convinced you to leave against medical advice?”

Logan looked away. “The doctor had called a social worker because my injuries were ‘inconsistent with the patient’s reported cause.’”

Janus nodded slowly and made a few marks on the page before flipping back to review the full list of incidents Logan had recounted. “This was in October 2011?”

“After Patton’s first diagnosis.”

He nodded again and flipped back to the mostly blank page, pen hovering over the sheet, ready for the next set of records to requisition. When Logan remained silent, Janus looked up. “Whenever you’re ready,” he prompted gently.

“That’s it.”

“What do you mean, ‘that’s it?’” He stared at Logan, brow furrowed as he turned again to the pages detailing the times their arguments had turned violent. The times that bitch had turned violent.

“That was the only injury for which I sought care.” His voice was stiff. Formal.

“What?” Janus hissed, calm façade cracking as he scanned the list. “You—your—The fractures in your hand?” Logan shook his head, eyes on the floor. “Your concussions, the burn, the—the tear in your lobe, you—”

“Dermabond surgical adhesive was sufficient to stop the bleeding.“

Janus scoffed. “You can’t just order that shit from Amazon!”

Logan merely shrugged. “It’s a basic veterinary supply. It isn’t that difficult to acquire.”

“I see,” Janus said more to his notepad than his client. Logan had used fucking vetbond on himself then went to work the next day like nothing had happened. His employee. His co-worker. Sour acid churned in his stomach. 

‘He’s your friend, too…’

Roman had been wrong. Janus had not been his friend.

He watched Logan over the top of his legal pad. Shame crawling up his spine, he wondered how many times he’d fucking laughed when Devin had sat where Logan was now and remarked how clumsy their quiet co-worker must be to so often have had some sort of limp or bandage or…

No. He couldn’t undo any of that. But he could fight like hell for Logan now. 

“Do you have friends who would be willing to support any of this with contemporaneous reports?” he asked, trying a new tactic. “Neighbors? Anyone you’ve been close with who knew what had really happened and would give a statement?”

“No,” Logan said. His fingers tapped the side of his knee in what more closely resembled a tremor than a fidget.

“What makes you so sure they’d be unwilling to come forward?” Despite humanity's general unwillingness to rock the boat even to save a person from drowning, Janus couldn’t imagine everyone in Logan’s life would be so reluctant to help. With the notable exception of Devin, Logan had always been kind and thoughtful to everyone in the office, unerringly polite and considerate. The first to pass around a card for birthdays or tragedies, despite the glaring omission of his own. There had to be someone.

“We could ensure their anonymity if they’re concerned about… social ramifications. She wouldn’t need to know they’d said anything.”

It was like convincing a rock. He wouldn’t even look up. “Logan, we’ve done it before. Domestic violence situations, particularly when witnesses consider both parties friends and—”

Logan shook his head. “You misunderstand me. I mean I… I have no… confidants from that period of my life. Your, ah…” Logan crossed and uncrossed his legs then wrapped his arms around his stomach, hugging himself. “Your brother-in-law is my first friend in a very long time.”

He looked down at his statement. “You… “ Sighing, he set the legal pad face down on the coffee table and turned in his seat to face Logan properly. “You have been through so much and…” He met his eyes. 

Janus used to wonder how people could be so blind when the people around them were suffering. How people could waltz through their days, ignoring the obvious hurt of those around them. But he’d been just as bad. Just as oblivious. “I'm sorry I never noticed the signs. That I never tried to help you.”

Logan looked away, rubbing the fingers of his left hand. Janus had always thought it a nervous habit. Now he wondered how much the mis-fused bones pained him. And how much of it was a reminder of that fight.

Finally, Logan shrugged. “I made every effort to ensure there was nothing for anyone to notice.”

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments, then Janus stood. “Can I make you some tea?” Logan looked up, surprise cutting through his mask. Janus smiled and spread his hands, gesturing toward the little kettle and bamboo box of matcha. “I know I could use a cup. I imagine you could, too.”

Logan huffed. “Got anything stronger than tea?”

Shaking his head, Janus chuckled and pulled his five-year Alcoholics Anonymous chip from his pocket. “Nope.”

“Oh, fuck, I’m sorry, I—I didn’t know.”

“It’s all right, Logan. We… we’ve both had our secrets, haven’t we?” Janus checked the kettle and clicked it on, then pulled two mugs from underneath the tea caddy. “How long have we known each other?”

“Almost twenty-two years.”

Janus shook his head. “Far too long to not actually know each other.”

“Perhaps,” he said. 

The water rumbled in the kettle and Janus whisked it into the powder in the chawan, the steam carrying the bright, clean scent through the room.

“May I help with the tea?” Logan began to rise. “You don’t need to serve me.”

“Yes, actually, I do.” Janus looked over his shoulder and winked. “You’re older, so I pour the tea.”

Sitting back down, Logan shook his head, a tiny scowl wrinkling his brow. “I can’t be that much older than you.”

“Very nearly nine months,” Janus smiled as he poured Logan’s tea, then his own, and set both cups down on the table.

Logan’s face couldn’t decide if he should glare or grin.

“Don’t worry,” Janus nodded and waited for Logan to pick up his cup. “I promise I won’t rub it in too much.”

Smiling, Logan took a sip and set down his cup. 

“Besides, it’s bad manners to mock the elderly.”

A sudden belly laugh burst from the ordinarily quiet man.

“Careful there,” Janus murmured, sipping his tea. “Too much excitement at your age can't be healthy.” Shoulders shaking, Logan laughed until there were tears in his eyes and Janus passed him another tissue.

Janus slid a little closer on the couch and smiled. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you really laugh.”

“Well,” Logan nodded and raised his cup. “Here’s to twenty-two more years of hearing it.”

By the time they finished their tea, the clock on Janus’ desk chimed six times. “Damn,” he muttered, pulling out his phone and confirming just how late it really was. “I hope I’m not keeping you from your boys.”

“No,” Logan shook his head, turning the little cup in his hands. “Not at all. Patton is at Kelly’s this week. I’m not needed.” Janus frowned at his phrasing and Logan fumbled to explain. “He carpooled after school, and the…” He looked down and the desk lamp cast long shadows across his face, exaggerating the dark circles under his eyes. “The quarter’s started at Western.”

“Hmm.” More shaken by Logan's words than he wanted to admit, Janus took their empty cups and placed them in the basin on the bottom shelf of his tea caddy. “Any plans for dinner, then?”

-

Taglist: @crossiantgay

Ask to be added :D

[meefy]

roah- 1, 8, 11, 16

feanne- 2, 4, 5, 12, 22

wolfi- 4, 9, 19, 24

Roah

1. What’s the lie your character says most often? "Good" to the question, "How's it going?"

8. How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’? They don't throw it around lightly. Basically, they never throw it around at all. By the beginning of their final Hunter mission, they don't remember the last time they said it, actually. So if they finally find someone they care about enough to say it...it means something.

11. If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference? That meme that goes "the real [Roah] would never pass up the opportunity to die".

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head? They vary quite a bit. It's usually very petty stuff, like thinking of a witty and snarky comeback to some stranger who was rude to them in public. Or planning out a conversation with their boss, like anticipating resistance when taking on a dangerous mission, and what they'll say to change her mind.

Féanne

2. How loosely or strictly do they use the word ��friend’? Not terribly strict. If it's someone she can share a meal and laugh with, that's pretty much Féanne’s definition of friendship.

4. What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss? She didn't have many hobbies growing up; she wasn't allowed, and the pastimes she was permitted to partake in, she hated. These days she loves reading...and she's tried her hand at jewelry making (she's admittedly not great).

5. Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen? She doesn't cry often. She built up a resistance to it very young. But if she had to cry, she'd probably think of her twin brother's face the day she moved from home.

12. What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific! When she's cuddling in bed with Lata and she puts her freezing cold feet on his back to make him mad >:]

22. What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character? Would be more simple/common in-universe, but horseback riding! She never learned and is not a fan of the height off the ground, even if she's just hitching a ride with someone else holding the reins.

Wolfi

4. What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss? Probably cooking. She cooked a lot for the elderly couple she lived with during the Edo period. She doesn’t need to eat, and nobody she hangs around upon being freed from the cursed warehouse eats either, so...

9. Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive? Gentle love 100%. Both giving and receiving.

19. What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding? Try to feign their way through a friendly conversation. If that fails, probably go to the other extreme and fight as a last resort.

24. Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it? Asked for permission first. It was probably matcha.

-

Weirdly Specific Character Building Asks

[shatterthefragments]

🌻 !

(As you are very familiar with) I am currently SO CONSUMED with the idea of getting a bunch of flash from an artist’s tiny (for them) flash sale!!!

My current tattoo worries are: it’s still summer bc it’s a summer flash sale (but I do have many things to help stay cool…), if there’s going to be parking bc I don’t think I want to bus there (but I guess I could if need be) and bc I can’t find the rumoured Additional Parking (they have directions. It exists (allegedly). But no map 😰), if I fuck up all my work on Will I Have Money for it, that’s uh. Fuck. Also it’s A Lot of work to do in one month … but at least I can split it up if their availability allows. Maybe I can’t get all the ones I want done I have no concept of time though I have vague ideas based on estimates and time estimates for pieces three or so times the size…

I’m slightly worried in cheating on my normal artist HOWEVER I’ll almost definitely need to find different artists for the Sea Leg(s?) and the wood cut/engraving tattoos I’m obsessed with the idea about 😁 bc it’s. It’s the ships I sailed on. I don’t want them stipple I want LINES and RIGGING and ILLUSTRATIVE NAUTICAL. …or woodcut style tall ship(s) I sailed on too would work 👀✨woodcut and illustrative both fill me with joy!!

And not so much worried about reaction but also my coworker will definitely say “you have money for that?” Bc I want them primarily on my forearms again which is visible in my work tshirt. AND IT WILL ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME. Like. She’s doing a bunch of things too (but she gets at least one pension and works a lot) bc she said it for my latest one which was literally the shop minimum it just ended up being a lot more for the trip over itself and the LOTS of tegaderm I got bc I did not want to bus back to the studio again so I frankensteined it all to stay covered on my way back home.

ALSO I NEED TO CONTINUE BITCHING ABOUT WHY THE COURSE I WANT TO TALE IS NEARLY TWICE AS MUCH AS OTHER COURSES (there’s a course later in the day that’s half the price but I’m way less excited to take it. I’d only take it bc it would force me to finish at least one of the songs I work on (theoretically) for class but I don’t really like the time slot or want to pay for it and also my sister doesnt think I should take that one either. Why oh WHY DO THE THINGS I LOVE HAVE TO COST SO MUCH MONEY?!?

Also even the sister is telling me I should buckle down and finish a degree and like. Get serious about it.

But fuck, y’all. I’m here to try to have a good time as I make a home for myself and figure out how I want to live my life and figure out if that aligns with what I’m physically and mentally capable of bc I’m still struggling even though I’m probably mentally in one of the best places I’ve been in the past 15 years.

(Life has got to be more than this. But fuck. I’m going to MAKE IT SO.)

Also I need to learn how to hem my pants bc some of them are so annoying and having the pant leg tucked into my shoe like an extra pair of socks is too hot for the summer.

Also I’m Fed Up with my coworkers a bit. Like first telling me “oh the food safety audit is probably coming up REALLY SOON since a nearby store had theirs” and then NOT DATING THE STUFF YOU OPEN?!?!?!? I COULD SPEND MY WHOLE SHIFT JUST FIXING ALL THE SHIT YOU LEAVE but alas I have orders to do and cases to try to fill

I bought fresh blueberries though!!

So I want to make blueberry pancakes or blueberry waffles if I can find the waffle maker!!!

It’s cooler today so I might have a caffeinated beverage? (I’m off of caffeine rn but also I only have a few boxes of decaf earl grey and most of what I have is caffeinated so surely one can’t hurt since there’s not really a heat warning for today… (I want a chai or matcha latte!! I only can make decaf London fog!!)

Like ugh it’s already 9.

I should call my doctor. I should do this and that and so many things.

But I can only get what I can get done done. I need to be kinder to myself here. I need to rest. At least in getting some beach time today!! Driving out to see a friend and then do a pottery workshop tonight!

[lesralizes]

my energy-revisiting my first post

i feel like a mess, i dont know myself anymore

when i wrote about "my energy" everything flowed so naturally, now i'm just stuck

but i'll force myself to write about all the things that make me, me, just so i can find myself in between all this mess my mind has been through lately. here i go, i present to you, again, my energy (revisited and modified)

a little cup of coffee with oat milk from the coffee shop i now work at, orange juice on free days and matcha latte at home before class. early mornings reading books and feeling the cold wind, listening to the birds chirping as my reading soundtrack and seeing the sun arise through the window. late night readings before sleeping, when everything is quiet and i feel like the only person alive. struggling to see the words cause there's almost no light or cause i'm too sleepy. mixing silver and gold jewelry. baggy low waist dark trousers with any type of basic top that fits me right (maybe a little longer on my sleeves) and comfortable flat shoes as my go to outfit. i dont care anymore. i dont wear platforms to appear taller and slimmer, i seek comfort. keeping my hair long and messy. no make up make up look (now for real), wearing lipstick instead of eyeliner. wearing you by glossier or another 13 by le labo instead of santal 33. i still love french cinema and dream everyday of being percieved by others as the protagonist of any rohmer's movie. i dont own a moleskin anymore but i write in every piece of paper i can find, preferably in black ink. i still feel the need to document everything i go through. i still keep a diary, i still film my days. jonas mekas films always in mind, annie ernaux books all highlighted and noted. vintage leather bags with lip balm, lip liner, a sweet treat and my current read. reading almost exclusively books written by woman,, they just get me. making playlist for every emotion i feel, one for anger, one for tranquility and one (the most special) for the best feeling in the world: leaving the cinema, after you've sat for a few hours in a room full of strangers, all there to do the same thing as you, and you've lived another life for those few hours. for when you open the exit door and take the first breath of fresh air and feel renewed, like a new person. everything you do becomes cinematic, your life feels like a movie, and of course you need a playlist by your side.

im still daydreaming all the time. still missing a boy, still thinking about the way he used to call me or how every part of his body used to feel. still wondering what would've happened, how things would've been. still biting my lips and eating cookies every time im anxious.

still wearing my silk dresses and my grandma's nightgowns to sleep in the summer and matching blue pijamas when it's cold. i own a new phone now, but i still have a clear phone case with movie tickets (still collect them). going to the cinema at least twice a month, now that i can afford it. visiting art exhibitions alone with my wired headphones and lots of curiosity. now i seek the sun and long for the summer time, even though i'm still a cold weather enjoyer at heart. still a paris lover and romanticist-more than ever since i lived my before sunrise fantasy when i spent a whole day in the city of love with the boy from another country i'd met fifteen days before. i cried admiring the sunset in montmartre (like delphine on le rayon vert) and kissed him under the stars to mr brightside by the killers haha.

i still think of him, of all the people i've met throughout my life, of all the people who have seen me grow and evolve. i'm forever changing and learning, and after almost three years of my first post i still preserve most of "my energy", and i can say that that version of myself is still here. a lot of things are still the same.

sometimes the girl i used to be visits me and greets me from a far. i look at myself and see all the other versions i've ever been, and i wave them back with a smile. but also with a sense of grief because i know i can never go back, i will never be six or eighteen again.

even though im never satisfied with my present self i try to focus on what i do like about who i am. i focus on what i love and work towards it. this is a little piece i wrote to reflect on how i've changed while feeling lost and melancholic in my daily life. the result of it feels bittersweet, but i feel much lighter. i encourage you to try it.

if you've read all of this, just know you have a very special place in my little heart.

[annieintheaair]

Like in the end one of us won't end up hurt; you miss me when you're drunk but I miss you all the time. Guess it's not as hard on your heart as it is on mine.

In middle school, I had a good friend, Kyle. We actually stayed friends well into college. I'd visit him at his fraternity house in Boston. Originally, my friend, Gwenn, liked him, which was somehow how I ended up becoming friends with him.

When we were pretty young, a girl Kyle was dating broke up with him. Since we were close, he was really open with me about everything. He was so crushed that it was over and he was in a terrible mood for a couple of days. No joke, just a couple of days. I remember him telling me that in those situations, he would be really sad for a couple of days and then he would be ok.

Today, I picked up matcha from White Rhino Coffee and then headed to get dog food. In the car, a song came on, Call Me Monday, ironically by a musician named Kyle Clark, and it made me think about how this weekend went for me-- I was so down on Friday but then by Monday (today), I picked myself up and went on with my life.

The thing is, it's not like I'm not sad anymore, and there's still a pinch on my heart where it hurts, but I know I'm going to be ok. In life, I have learned to separate myself from things that have happened to me. Thinking back, sure, I have memories of previous hurts, but I've released myself from them to where they feel like stories that happened to someone else.

Every once in a while, something will catch me and I'll have a flashback in my mind of a really good time that I had with Todd. Just because it's over doesn't mean that I can't look back at the good memories and smile. The hardest part of it all is the plans-- everything we talked about and were planning for, like getting a place together, trips coming up, events we wanted to go to, and just in general, the little things that we were excited for. It's hard to scrap all of that and accept that those things that we talked about will never happen.

In the moments that I start to feel sad, I remind myself of the bad things, like how he considered it cheating for me to exchange a few messages with James but didn't think it was cheating when he kissed his friend's girlfriend on New Year's. I repeatedly remind myself how ridiculous the whole ending was, too, that he didn't want me to eat lunch and thought it was worth ending our relationship over.

At home this afternoon I got a lot of work done and sat outside on my patio to watch the eclipse. I'm glad I didn't make the effort to go somewhere else to watch it because it was just fine from my backyard.

I managed to clean all of the bathrooms in my house tonight before getting ready for work. Unfortunately, in the process, while cleaning my guest bathroom, I completely destroyed another nail. While I'm sad because I liked the purple and it was literally my last memory with Todd when I got them done, it's almost like the beginning of moving on -- needing to go get them done all over again and leave the purple behind.

Goodbyes are never easy and moving on is extremely difficult. Letting go is the worst of it all.

xoxo

Annie

[sohmiya]

I always send you E hcs, so I think it’s only fair that I send you Cy x Frankie ones too:

If Frankie is a Starbucks girlie, I imagine Cy having her order memorised and he always gets it for her before or after training whilst complaining about the price of their drinks and Frankie would jokingly say, “yup, you’ll happily buy tickets to New York but not Starbucks.”

I know you mentioned that Frankie’s a perfectionist and I think it’s something Cy would quickly notice so he’ll avoid making comments on her matches to ensure he doesn’t put pressure on her.

Cy getting a bracelet with a shield charm on it and giving it to Frankie so they have jewellery that’s similar.

Late night/early morning cuddling where they’re both so close to falling asleep and Cy tiredly whispers into Frankie’s hair, “I never thought we’d be together but I’m so grateful that we are.”

I just imagine their makeout sessions being top tier, like Frankie’s the one to start them and Cy confidently finishes them.

And Frankie just being the person who brings Cypress out of his shell a bit…and get him to smile.

Oo, and Frankie’s dynamic with the de Vera siblings:

I think Kei would end up liking Frankie pretty quickly and she’d mention that to Cypress a lot. And they’d be close enough for Kei to go and talk to her about stuff in her life like school, relationships, sports, girl stuff etc.

Cairo is similar to Cypress in some ways so it’d take him longer to warm up to Frankie, but when he does I imagine him throwing her a basketball and saying, “best out of three. if you beat me I’ll show you Cy’s most embarrassing baby pictures”—even if Cairo won he’d still be showing those pictures.

^ But whenever Cy disagrees about something they ask for/want, then they’d immediately go to Frankie like, “Cy will listen to you, can you tell him [insert thing Cy said no to here] and change his mind?”

I expect Frankie and Kenzo to have the best relationship ever! so much so that Cy has worried that if they end up breaking up he’d have to explain to Kenzo that he won’t see Frankie much anymore and that would be heartbreaking.

^ Not that Cy wants to or expects to break up with her, he’s just learned from a young age that you have to prepare for absolutely everything in life.

Another Frankie and Kenzo hc is that whenever he watches the football he’ll point her out. or just when he misses Frankie during the day he’ll tap Cy’s arm and say her name.

Oo, and lastly, I see Cy and Jake bonding pretty well. Cy would know how much Jake means to her so he’d do absolutely everything to make a good impression.

HELPPPP it’s actually insane how aligned most of these are with my headcanons 😭😭

yes frankie is a victim of capitalism and loves matcha and it’s so funny to me that cy complains about beverage prices but will not hesitate to buy plane tickets LMFAOOO but like frankie would also tease him like “if they’re so expensive you can just make it for me” and like i wouldn’t be surprised if cy, being the acts of service lover he is, actually tried to make frankie’s matcha drink at home 😪

and OMG THE PERFECTIONIST HEADCANON!!!! no cause i always imagined cy being attentive to things like that so i hc him only giving frankie pointers that she really needs to hear to help her improve but he’d also reassure her every once in a while that it’s okay and that she’s doing great. something like that. like idk i feel like if cy trained with frankie he’d more likely say “try doing it like this” “that’s better” than saying outright that she's doing something wrong

ok but the matching charms and this

Late night/early morning cuddling where they’re both so close to falling asleep and Cy tiredly whispers into Frankie’s hair, “I never thought we’d be together but I’m so grateful that we are.”

and the kiss….. feel free to debunk this but my hc is that there are definitely times that frankie initiates it but in the early relationship “icb i’m dating my idol” stage, the bravest she can go is kissing him on the cheek and like as soon as she pulls away cy does that thing where he chases her lips….. yeah… 🚶🏻‍♀️

And Frankie just being the person who brings Cypress out of his shell a bit…and get him to smile.

PLEASEEE frankie would be so annoying about it like i imagine her having a dumb joke that she told cy when they just met but he was so unimpressed by it then frankie repeats it now that they’re dating and it gets a chuckle out of him and she just goes “i KNEW you found it funny”

and okokok our frankie x de vera siblings headcanons are CRAZY accurate

i also headcanon kei being close to frankie with kei being the only daughter and like they’d bond over talking about what it’s like having annoying (affectionate) brothers and like if cairo’s out with his friends and cy’s busy with whatever kenzo needs, i imagine frankie and kei hanging out and like going shopping and having girl talk or whatever

and like i also imagine cairo being in that teenager stage where he thinks he’s too grown and cool for some adult guidance so yeah i also hc him being the last sibling to get along with frankie. he doesn’t hate her but when he sees her he just thinks “she’s cool ig” then moves on 😭 i imagine frankie talking about it to cy one time like “does your brother hate me?” “which brother?” “are you serious?” “i have two brothers” “CAIRO obviously. kenzo loves me” “mhm” “what? it’s true” “ok” “ugh whatever. so? does cairo hate me?” “no he doesn’t. he’s a teenager. you know how they are”

whenever Cy disagrees about something they ask for/want, then they’d immediately go to Frankie like, “Cy will listen to you, can you tell him [insert thing Cy said no to here] and change his mind?”

HELPPSJSKSJSJ LISTEN it depends on what they want. frankie loves the side of cypress where he acts all strict but goes soft after a little persuasion and she definitely likes seeing him give in to his little siblings so like for example if they wanna go somewhere that won’t really cause them any harm frankie would tell cypress “it wouldn’t hurt you know” “you’re not helping” “if you’re so worried, i can go with them” otherwise frankie would look at his siblings kinda apologetically like “you gotta listen to your brother” and one of them (cairo probably LMAO) would say “icb you’re listening to him” and cy would interject “so are you. it’s still no”

AND FRANKIE AND KENZO LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVE DUOS pls like frankie is peak goofy when she’s hanging out with him. i mentioned before that frankie easily gets along with a lot of people but she makes extra effort with kenzo because being a toddler’s favorite is like a badge of honor for her 😭 frankie watches his favorite shows with him and she would download some games on her phone for kenzo and cy would jokingly say “don’t turn my brother into an ipad kid” shdsjskaks sometimes if cy is too tired to cook a meal frankie would ask kenzo “do you wanna go to jollibee?” and since kenzo can’t pronounce cypress yet, i imagine he also can’t pronounce frankie so he calls her kaki. and even though frankie never really minded it, at first cypress would go “frrrrankie. fuh-rankie. say it. frankie.” “kaki.” so he gave up. and i remember you mentioning him trying to stay connected to his filipino roots so whenever kenzo calls frankie kaki, cy just teaches him “ate kaki. she’s your ate”

Another Frankie and Kenzo hc is that whenever he watches the football he’ll point her out. or just when he misses Frankie during the day he’ll tap Cy’s arm and say her name.

THATS SO CUTE WTF 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

but also the way that headcanon would also work so painfully well with this headcanon

Cy has worried that if they end up breaking up he’d have to explain to Kenzo that he won’t see Frankie much anymore and that would be heartbreaking.

like imagine cy just saying “yeah i miss her too” and because kenzo’s too young to understand cypress would keep saying frankie’s just busy 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 ANYWAYYYYY THEY WILL NOT! BREAK UP 😣

Cy would know how much Jake means to her so he’d do absolutely everything to make a good impression.

LISTEN JAKE WOULD ALSO DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON *THE* CYPRESS DE VERA 😭😭😭😭😭

the twins grew up being very sporty like they were into A LOT of sports and even though jake didn’t pursue a career in football, he’s also a fan of cy’s. so if frankie ever picks up on cy trying to impress her twin, she’d say something like “trust me you can do no wrong in my brother’s eyes” and cy’s confused at that until frankie introduces him to jake and jake is absolutely starstruck LMFAOO and at first jake would be so self-conscious to hang out with cy alone so he would only hang out with him when frankie’s there. and frankie would tell him “seriously it’s fine. he wants to get to know you too” “that’s THE cypress de vera. what do i even do?” “not act like an idiot” “shut up” and frankie would get all serious like “it’d really mean a lot to me if you guys would get along”

so yeah when cy and jake hang out, they would have a drink and sometimes jake would tell cy embarrassing stories about frankie. but i also think jake would secretly check on frankie through cypress and making sure she’s not being too hard on herself lately and maybe cy would also come to jake for some advice too when he isn’t sure what to tell frankie.

ALSO if it’s not ooc for cypress, i imagine him suddenly remembering how stern he was when he and frankie first met so he asks jake “so… did frankie tell you anything about me?” 😭

[jiessicas]

07.06.23 making maps

in the face of helplessness/panic, noticing the thoughts/feels/actions -> how do my fears sorrows reflect what i want? how do they illuminate some border i didn’t realize was there?

started the day mildly panicked, talked myself through them in morning prompts, almost like i needed a lil narrative to get unstuck

not knowing the paths ahead gives me anxiety; making myself maps feels like a way to anchor / fight the feeling of helplessness

life infra [gonna be me mildly anxiety blogging until i feel properly held by structure that i'm gonna have to make by myself and with others]

today felt like another life infra day (drs appointments, finances)

first time chat with a holistic financial planner who works with underserved groups; it was really nice to talk through short / medium / long term goals

-> to dream about a decade out from now (kids? homes? careers? i can barely fathom life 10 years out from now but appreciated someone nudging me to do that anyway) (i feel i can only think about months at a time)

looking for specialist healthcare and navigating insurance is so confusing & laden with discourage from past failed attempts to, but really thankful for how many online resources there are to navigate this, ready to stay on the phone with bureaucracy for as long as needed

the joys and horrors of inhabiting a corporeal existence

because of some health stuff, my body has been feeling real weird as of late; trying to be gentle with it and not additionally hard on myself for feeling different

resuscitated by chicken porridge i want to learn how to make at home; a friend’s black bean quinoa tacos; two kinds of matcha lattes from two fine establishments (stonemill; maiko)

HAGS! <3

friday field trip and sunday camping incoming :,,,,)

appreciative of converse ways of planning / thinking - starting at the individual vs starting at the group in terms of hopes for this time; starting with the structure of the day vs starting with the discrete things wished to be done!!! dualities of man~

dispatches from s from nyc <3 Against the Tyranny of Shippers (& a Sideeye At Javascript)

all different entry points, but entry points nonetheless!

The Internet(tm)

my main feeling is that everyone has so many things to say all the time and it’s incredible and terrifying and overwhelming but so cool (me, flipping between bluesky, threads, twitter on safari)

k texted me asking about threads v bluesky; it looks like something like 1/3 or 1/4 of people in the us are on meta vs like 1/100 on twitter (ie twitter users are just built different)

nice details to remember

a cruise car named ube; a new candle that crackles with the might of a fireplace; a section of a bookshelf curated after recommendations from a friend; the casual thursday night dates playing out at the social study

l got everyone back onto pokemon go & we're all on tumblr..... it's 2016 and it's time to pokemon go to the polls babyyyy

walk w s through the fillmore talking about the want to be understood and to understand as love languages ~ how that propelled early childhood compulsions to externalize it in writing (like w f and i), or internalize it and alchemize it in other ways!

the opening to "fight" by brockhampton feels urgent and deliberate; it makes me feel like there is some kind of arena to be entered, some hat to be thrown into the ring, some new kids on the block to be stomping around

to linger longer

reveries/dreams

“how am i gonna try today?”

so what are you writing about? you and me both, pal — feel like there's a lot generated, started from the last year, pondering how i can hold onto a thread for a bit longer to work on for a sustained period of time

thinking about dogs & daughters (as it seems like i've been since 2019, according to my notes app search results) ~ thinking about the unfettered sweetness of puppy love

thinking about cleaning tidying decluttering in a song dong / jen craig’s “wall” kinda way

similarly enjoying slowly gathering similar books (currently, book recs from someone whose taste in books i respect/admire, another shelf dedicated to books on art/practice/making)

feeling myself dreaming again, at the end of the day <3 feeling project themes for this summer percolating... feeling like what is ahead is but a wide expanse, with few things in my way (have been reaching for this feeling for so, so long)

when i say i have that dog in me, this is what i mean

[profewriting]

AzuAka (aka my 1st watori yumeship)

(art by @/utsukani on Twitter)

Finally, my watori yumeship (aka my current hyperfixation) aka ⛺🏮 aka AzuAka (Azuma Haruaki x Shimizu Akari)! :D

And just like previous post, let's talk about my OC here aka Shimizu Akari :D

(art was done with Picrew by Didimdal)

In short, her physical image is like that (with ahoge, a mole under her left lips, and black shoulder-length wavy hair).

(art by @/zahwanauli_)

Shimizu Akari (志水 朱里) is a college student in Mikado and just recently registered as one of operators in Border (approximately already half a year starting from the current timeline/episode 1 World Trigger). Akari actually from Mikado but during first invasion she moved to another city (hasn't decided where) with her family, then came back again after Mikado under Border's control (approximately 2 years after Border established).

She likes to cook (it's her specialty), liking cute things, and spicy foods. Her favorite drink is matcha. She's now 23 years old with 155 cm, and was born on January 3rd. If she found someone hasn't eaten yet, she'd offer them her food/will cook something for them. Overall, she's a kind, cheerful, loving person who likes to talk and make friends. However, despite of that, she often feels panic and nervous (so like, nevous but she got the spirit—she often regret her decision later) and can cry easily whenever things getting out of her hands. She often blushes everytime she gets near Azuma due thinking he's cool (this trait developed after they made their romantic relationship official).

In her head, people can be categorize as 4 types; cool (mostly because hardworking and look like adult), cute (mostly because they're younger than her or having similarities with her), cute and cool (usually younger/having similarities with her, but also look hardworking), and scary (she can't read those people and feel nervous around them).

She's the only child in her family and her family (used to?) quite wealthy (thus why her family can afford to moved to another city). However, after moved her parent got absorbed in their works as their once again began to start a new business (as to recompense their lost during 1st invasion). At this time, Akari started to feel lonely since her parent kept busy and rarely came home. They also barely communicate to each other even until she's 23.

In high school, she used to keep quiet and barely response everytime people trying to reach up to her. In fact, she's actually nervous since she didn't really know how to communicate properly (mostly because her cold relationship with her parent) and it increasing her loneliness. During this time, she met Nakano Tsubaki (another my Watori OC) and became friend with her—but their relationship isn't really close despite Tsubaki kinda decreasing Akari's loneliness. (I also think she'd began to learn cooking during this time—because nobody came home and she really miss noises whenever someone come back, so then she began to cook to "having noise" around her.)

When her family finally came back to Mikado (approximately at the same time when she just graduated from high school, thus why she's now studying in Mikado Public College). She met Inukai Kanade and Izumi Eiko (who in the same age as her) and quickly became friend with them (this is the turning point she finally opened herself to others). She also met with Azuma Haruaki here and became his "friend". That was the beginning of their relationship.

.

Now let's dive into AzuAka / ⛺🏮 relationship! :D

(art by @/AkaRKGK)

(art by @/hey_its_wei)

(art by @/akqhitn)

(art by @/rinnesbeloved)

(art by @/Sazanamitwt)

AzuAka (short ver from Azuma Haruaki x Shimizu Akari) is my first (yeah, tbh I didn't expect to have 2 yumeships here) yumeship in World Trigger. This ship actually came because I need more sugar in my ships and all my watori otps have angst moment (well) (cough). Thus why, this ship born to satisfy my sugar need.

I often use ⛺🏮 emojis to portray them; since Azuma likes camping and Akari has 'vermillion' (Aka) in her name (tbh, I didn't know which emoji fits her, then I want her have japan-thing-vibe, and the only option I have is the lantern, so here we are).

In short, their dynamic is like: sunshine x sunshine protector; calm bf x cheerful gf; talkative gf x listen bf; territorial cat x clingy rabbit; popular bf x (secretly kinda) popular gf (who didn't think she's popular); nervous all the time gf x calm bf; (secretly) flirty bf x panicking all the time gf; slow burn; (mutual) pining (probably?); height gap couple (31 cm height gap); age gap couple (2 years); he fell first, she fell harder.

At first, Akari used to feel normal in front of him (because she thought they're friends). She didn't feel nervous at all since Azuma was kind and calm (she thinks he's cool! like a proper adult!). Little did she know, he didn't feel the same (he thinks she's cute—just like a man toward a woman) and actually trying to spend more time with her (like eating lunch together (and she finally made him bento too, this was before they're going out), telling her that he needs 'help' to choose something to buy for his 'acquaintance', etc)—but she never noticed those were his move.

She finally realized that after she's gotten into rumours that they're dating. When she told Azuma about it, she suggested that they should "keep a distance until the rumours calm". At that time, Azuma suggested another thing; announcing that they're "going out together"—and it's just "status on the paper" but actually they're still "friends", so the rumours will calm by itself and they can be "friends" again. [Spoiler: they never did]

And so, it was beginning of their (romantic) relationship. They just flowed with it, felt compatible and got comfort, and just ... well, lovers (spoiler: now a proper one). Since it's Akari's first romantic relationship, she often got nervous and her admiration soon followed by another feelings—Azuma knew and he probably enjoyed her reactions toward him.

[in-my-feels-probably]

Greetings, congratulations on your 700 followers! You deserve it! May I participate in your ship match up (romantically)? For game of thrones please ^_^

I am an asian, lesbian 5'4 girl with dark black long hair, my zodiac is a capricorn and my personality is infp 9w1. My pronouns are she/they

I'm really interest in mythology wether it'd be greek, roman or chinese, I'm also interested in other peoples culture. I like being alone because I'm pretty quiet, shy and awkward and find socializing a bit of a hassle for me, though I like being around being around with my friends. I'm quite loyal and care a lot with my friends, if i didn't have them I would have been more bitter haha. From other people, I'm passive, kind and welcoming, I'm a really soft person. Despite that i tend to get angry easily but I have a habit of keeping it in and letting people walk all over me. I know when I need to step in or stay out of business. I'm the type of person to try and break up a fight that involves my friends even if i may get hurt.

I can speak three languages! (Including my native language), I like cold food and drinks such as ice cream or cold tea. Speaking of tea, I'm a fan of various of flavours of tea! Like oolong, matcha or black tea. I also like art, any kinda of art like music, painting, crafts or poems and plays. Weaponary strikes my interest as well! (^•_•^)

Sorry if there are any mistakes, english isn't my native language haha. Good day and thanks!

hi! thank you for participating :)

i ship you with arya!

i think she would find you really fascinating. i don’t think she was ever that interested in the schooling the septa would have made her learn back in winterfell, but she did take an interest in ancient histories. hearing the stories of people like visenya targaryen who rode vhagar, i think she’d love talking to someone about that side of history if you were interested. she’s got an interest in travel and culture, at least in my opinion. she’s a bit of an explorer, and i think she’d enjoy sharing that interest with you.

she’s also a rather independent person. she has friends, but she never felt like she really needed them to keep herself happy or occupied. i don’t think she does well in crowds or large groups, and she’d appreciate that you didn’t like large groups either. i think quality time is her love language, so she’d be happy when you’d want to hang out with her, just the two of you. however, she is a very outspoken person. if someone said something to offend you or her, she wouldn’t hesitate to stand up for you. you’d never have to feel anxious around her, because she’d always be there to protect you. but you’d also be there to break up and fights that got started, regardless of who started it, because you didn’t want to see her get hurt. i think she’d understand how willing you both were to protect each other, and she’d make an effort to keep you both calm and collected, unless you had to fight. and your loyalty would mean a lot to her.

i think some of your interests, like crafts and art, would remind her of home. things like needlepoint, which is something she hated doing growing up, would remind her of sansa. the softer and gentler side of you would remind her of home, and i think she’d love having you around just for that. she’d also love that you’ve taken an interest in weaponry, since she has as well. i think she’d really enjoy teaching you about it and how to use her sword.

maybe one day you’d have some free time, and she’d catch you looking at her sword. she’d pull it from her waist, handing the hilt to you.

“if you’re going to stare at it, you might as well learn to use it.”

you’d playfully roll your eyes. “you’re going to sit here and attempt to teach me how to use this? what’s the catch? you could just let me stare at it for a bit till i get bored.”

she’d shake her head.

“tell you what. i teach you how to use this, and you teach me how you made that tea we had last night. deal?”

you’d grin and stand, holding needle out to shine in the light of the sun.

“deal.”

—

i hope you enjoyed this! thank you again for participating :)