#i think i can finish it this weekend but also thats if i ignore my assignments soooo

[aahsoka]

should i be doing homework? perhaps. what am i doing instead? sewing a costume that is a little more time consuming than i initially thought

[lucy90712]

hi love

can we get something with hector fort and f1 or f2 driver reader and fans shipping them ?:)))

This weekend is a special weekend for me it is the first time that my boyfriend is coming to watch me race. Hector and I have known each other since we were kids and we have been dating now for almost a year. He has been there for me throughout my racing career from when I did karting to when I first made it to formula 4 and even now that I've made the jump to formula 2. He hasn't been able to watch me race in f2 yet though as our schedules just haven't aligned either I'm halfway across the world or he has a match to play. He has also made a breakthrough into Barcelona’s first team this season which is why he's been so busy and missed some of my races but I don't care about that I'm just so proud of him and everything he's achieved. That being said it will be nice to have him here this weekend as I'm convinced I race better when he's here. 

He couldn't make any of the practices and qualifying or our sprint race as he had to be in training but now that it's Sunday he's here to watch the feature race. Even just knowing he's going to be here has motivated me to perform to my very best all weekend and so far it's paid off as I have had my best performances of the season. I qualified 3rd on the grid and finished 4th in the sprint race yesterday so I'm feeling good about today's race. I really want to win the feature race as it would be my first win and at my home race and with Hector here it would just be perfect. 

Hector arrived late last night but I couldn't see him as I had to get to sleep as I had to be up early to get to the track. I didn't expect to see him until I was at the track but when I woke up he text me asking when and where I was having breakfast so he could join me. By the time I was ready he was already waiting for me in the hotel lobby so we could do to the track and eat there a thats what I'm supposed to do. When we arrived there was hardly anyone there other than the other drivers and engineers which was really nice as I always hate when there's people everywhere. A few of the other drivers stopped us a we were heading to the catering tent to talk to Hector which I knew would happen but when it's not busy it's ok. 

While we had breakfast my phone was going crazy next to me but I ignored it because I wanted to enjoy my time with Hector before the stress of the race. Eventually it got so annoying that I had to see what was going on and I had hundreds of notifications from our driver group chat talking about me and Hector and thousands of Instagram notifications of new followers and tags in posts. As it turns out it wasn't as empty here as I thought as there was a number of pictures of me and Hector together in the paddock some just stood with each other and others holding hands. We have never made our relationship public knowledge as we didn't need to before but now it's been done for us. 

This was the last thing I needed before a race as instead of getting ready and getting myself in the right mindset I'm sat scrolling through Instagram comments and Twitter seeing what people have to say about me. Of course half of the stuff is hating me because I took their favourite footballer off the market which I saw coming but it still hurts to see what people say. I was so in my own world managed I didn't even notice anyone enter my drivers room until someone had taken my phone out my hands. 

"You need to forget about everything that's happened amor this isn't going to help you get ready for the race" Hector said 

"I know but I can't stop myself I want to know what everyone thinks of us because right now nothing is confirmed and they already hate me" I said 

"They can hate you all they want I'm happy and I love you so what others think shouldn't matter if anything you should want to go out there and prove to these people that you are more than just my girlfriend" Hector said 

"You're right I need to get myself ready to win" I said 

"That's the spirit I'm going to delete social media from your phone so you can focus on the race and later we can figure things out together" he said 

"Now go out there and make yourself proud" he encouraged 

He held me and gave me a kiss before leaving me so I could get my helmet on and take my car to the grid. Usually on the grid I'd get back out of the car but this time I stayed sat there getting myself ready. Hector is right I need to go out there and prove to myself that I'm better than all of those people say I am and I'm more than just his potential girlfriend. It feels more important than ever to do well in this race but to do that I need to be focused as f2 is incredibly chaotic. 

The race was chaos as I thought it might be in the first corner lots of people tried to overtake when they couldn't but luckily I managed to come out without any damage and without losing my position. From then it was about managing until my pit stop then it was time to work on moving forward. I overtook the driver in front of me not long after my pit stop then I had the mission of getting the gap in front of me down which wasn't easy as it was a good few seconds. As I was working on keeping a steady but quick rhythm with my lap times I got a radio message from my team saying that the driver in front of me had crashed so now I was in the lead with a 2 second gap behind me. There was still 10 laps left but all I had to do was be careful and keep to my target lap time which isn't too difficult. 

Then it happened I crossed the line in first place which didn't feel real until my team came on the radio congratulating me and all I could do was scream with excitement. I did it I actually did it I won my first race after all of the crazy things that have happened today. My hands were shaking like crazy as I stopped the car in front of the little first place board they have in the pit lane I could barely get myself out of the car I was just so overwhelmed but when I saw my entire team and Hector standing there waiting for me I somehow got my strength back and ran towards them. I was thrown in the air while everyone patted my back or my helmet to congratulate me. When my feet were back on the ground I took my helmet off and hugged Hector tightly as he was stood off to the side of my team. 

"I'm so proud of you you were amazing out there" he said 

"Thank you what you said earlier really motivated me I would've been a mess if you didn't take my phone off me" I said 

"Don't put your achievement on me you did that all on your own I'm just here to support you" he said 

"Well I still want to thank you for supporting me I'm so happy you are here to witness my first win" I said 

He didn't say anything back he just kissed me which we both knew was on camera but at this point who cares. Right now all I want is to celebrate my win with my boyfriend so to me it doesn't matter if people see and what they say because they don't know us and they haven't just won an f2 race. 

After the race I had interviews and other things to do but eventually I made it to my last interview. The interviewer congratulated me on my win and asked about the race then they showed me a post Hector had made on Instagram and asked me a few things about our relationship. Seeing that post and talking about him making made me smile even more than I was before because he made that post knowing I wouldn't see it anytime soon just because he wanted to show his love and support. Knowing he loves me enough to want to support me so publicly just tells me that I picked the right guy.

[keefwho]

March 18 - 2023

8:30 AM

I guess my natural motivation has dried up for now. Now I gotta fight for it until it comes back. Sucks because I was hoping to get a lot done this weekend but I probably won’t be as productive as I thought. Or enjoy it as much. It’ll help if I stop thinking that failing to do all my current ideas is a bad thing. I lose nothing from not finishing something that wasn’t promised or announced in any way. All I can do is gain, if I get them done. 

9:05 AM

I mostly don’t want to feel too ‘meh’ or spiral into sadness today. Not that I think the latter is terribly likely. It’ll be a delicate balance between getting busy and resting like I should be on a weekend. 

Also the people I want to hang out with all seem busy this weekend so I can’t rely on anyone being around. I don’t like feeling lonely like this but it’s a good chance to try and overcome it again. I always have VRchat so I can talk to strangers at least. And knowing my friends will still be there for me when they are done makes it a little better. 

As much as I like to believe I enjoy my alone time, I am not very good at being by myself. Im always just waiting for the next time to hang out.

Its tough but I think the move is to exercise presence and ignore unhelpful thoughts. I always find myself stuck in this headspace where I can’t focus because I’m thinking about things that aren’t true, or everything else I have to do. I have to work hard to force focus on what I’m doing in times like this. 

9:38 AM

Here’s something that bothers me but maybe it’s because I’m just so out of the normal loop. People that have been in tons of relationships. Or casually drop how much sex they’ve had. Because from my lonely fucking point of view, have a single relationship or fucking for the first time would be a treasured experience. Maybe it’s just because since I haven’t had these things, I cannot take them lightly and I feel like it’s become TOO common to take them lightly. But that might just be because I am unable to get out and be normally social like a normal person. 

At this point I feel like it’s impossible to find someone like me who will take a relationship or sex at this stage in our lives as seriously as I do. Or maybe they will and I’ll be unable to understand how since they’ve had it many times before. 

For other reasons unknown, I’m just jaded at this topic. Fuck all these people going on and on about their many exes and partners while I’ve been alone my whole life. Which is completely my own fault too. 

Here I go spiraling again. 

10:13 AM

Damn Craig of the Creek for making me cry this morning. Im SO ANGRY that I had to move around so much as a kid. It’s not my fault I’m fucked up like I am but it is my job to fix it. Its so fucking stupid. I get it was probably out of everyone’s control but why couldn’t my parents just settle the fuck down somewhere? And then they place they DID choose is the middle of bumfuck nowhere. “Why don’t you have any friends? All you do is stay on the internet” Why the FUCK do you think???? I was a teenage in the WOODS. WHERE WAS I MEANT TO GO DUMB FUCK? On TOP of that, they never wanted to drive me to where people my age actually were like they do with my sister now. Maybe they learned how important it is to actually be social at that age and don’t want a repeat of me happening. FUck them. 

Im upset at all the old friends who wonder why I changed so much and became so “moody”. They don’t understand the turmoil I started going through when I became aware of how much I was covering up. They were NOT supportive of it either. And thats part of why we aren’t friends anymore. But I think to them, I just ‘went crazy’ and they’re probably waiting for me to get over it or have abandoned me entirely. 

Now I’m always fighting to keep the friends I do have because I feel like they could give up on me at any moment. It’s hard to believe they won’t sometimes. But I know this stems from my own self worth. Sometimes I’m unable to see what they see in me because all I can see myself as is worthless. 

11:29 AM

I guess I’m just being depressed in my room today while everyone I know is out doing meaningful things and moving on without me. 

I really wanted to avoid this today but I have no will to do anything.  How many weekends am I going to spend crying because my friends are busy with more important things and i have nothing else to distract myself with? Its always been like this with everyone. People have real lives that dont include me. Im just a weekday plaything.

2:01 PM

I thought maybe it’d be a good day to clean since I can’t bring myself to be creative but I’m unsure I can clean either. I don’t know what I have the heart to do at all. I’d like to clean the area outside my door, especially all the dog vomit stains on the outside carpet but I do not know how. I don’t even know how to clean the wood floor properly. Maybe I’ll try anyways. 

3:36 PM

I decided to jerk off really hard because at least being sad gets me some good nuts. 

I was gonna try something drastic. Keep rambling here until I feel better or at least get anywhere. First of all I’m afraid I’m only in a temporary high because that usually happens before I fall way back down into despair. I’ve come to the conclusion that once this has all started, it is inevitable that it will keep going. Trying to stop it or redirect it has not worked at all yet. Maybe I have to accept I’ll be depressed this weekend. 

All because I can’t learn to love myself and in turn, can’t feel loved in general. So then I feel really alone like I do today. And I think attention from certain people will fix it but it is only ever a bandaid. Because even when I think someone hates me and they are literally telling me how much they love me, it just doesn’t get through to me. 

I’m EXTREMELY frustrated and upset because I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how to value myself more. I just don’t get it. Why have I always been predisposed to feeling like I’m lesser than everyone? That I am always the loser because thats how life programmed it? Is it my fault or life circumstance that taught me to be like this? I just don’t know. 

But I feel a little better knowing that I have to be able to get better and I’ll keep trying until I am. Even if the next milestone is nowhere in sight, all I can do is keep trying. Someday I won’t berate myself so much, I’ll at least feel average. And I’ll have faith that my loved ones love me back more often. 

I feel so weak that sometimes I can’t just sit my ass down and draw something I have the heart for. Things I WANT to create for myself but mostly others. Although sometimes I feel the need to draw for someone because I feel like if I don’t, I’ll start losing them as a friend. Something I know is not true but its how I feel about it. I feel like I have to keep letting them know that I won’t leave them so that they maybe won’t leave me either. 

Maybe to improve my self worth I can start doing nice things for myself like I would for a friend. I can roleplay I’m someone else to make it easier. I can make myself some good food and enjoy it. I could let go and listen to what my heart wants to do and do that. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

I dont even see the point in feeling happy if no one is around to share it with.

[violentdevotion]

stuck in a terrible cycle of always getting told off cos I spend all day in my room and not wanting to come downstairs cos ik someone's gonna shout at me

[moralesispunk]

Caramel Lattes

Marcus Moreno x Reader

Summary - You meet a handsome stranger in the nearby cafe and it becomes a weekly date.

This is part 1 of my Marcus fic

Master list / part 2

During the week, coffee equated to a quick cup while frantically getting ready for work. At the weekend, your coffee was a lot calmer. Taking time to enjoy a caramel latte while reading whatever book you were in the middle of. Since moving to the city, you found your new Saturday morning coffee spot.

You had found the cafe you were in today a few weeks ago. It was a perfect slice of heaven being a mix of a cafe and library. At the front, there were small tables and mis-matched chairs and at the back there were rows upon rows of books. As you walked in, shaking your umbrella while it was still out of the door, the smell of warm coffee and old books instantly filled your senses. It was a lot cosier in here than it was in the downpour outside.

You placed your umbrella in the umbrella rack, turning to face the barrister.

“Good morning,” you said as you reached the counter, “can I have a caramel latte please.”

“Extra caramel?”

“Yes, please,” you said, already tasting the sweet coffee in your mouth.

The woman smiled at you, telling you to find a table and that she would bring it over to you. You looked around, all but one of the tables already full. There was one left right in the corner with two empty chairs. As you reached the table, you took your jacket off and placed it over the heater next to you to dry. You sighed of relief bringing your book out of your bag noticing that it was still completely dry despite the thrashing rain outside.

You were so engrossed in the book, only having looked up to say thank you as your coffee was placed down in front of you that you hadn’t noticed the tall handsome man standing in front of your table until he cleared his throat.

“Is this seat taken?” his warm voice asked as his hand gripped at the seat across from you.

It took you a moment to answer, your eyes taking in the man in front of you. His warm brown eyes were looking deeply into yours, a gentle half smile on his face. His hair was the same colour as his eyes, a little darker. It looked like there had been some attempt to tame it this morning but any attempt had been stopped by the rain ready to drop of the curls splayed across his forehead.

“N-No,” you replied, pointing to his chair with a smile.

He smiled wider, thanking you as he sat down. As he took his jacket off to place over the back of his chair and brought his own book out of his bag, he turned to thank the woman placing his own coffee in front of him, showing off the dimple on his cheek and crinkles at the side of the eye. He gave off such a warm energy that the cafe already seemed brighter in the two minutes he had been in.

You looked back down to your book, trying to concentrate on the words in front of you. It was pointless. You read and re-read over the same sentence at least six times when all you wanted to do was take another look up at the handsome man in front of you.

“Is that any good?” the warm voice made you look back up at him again, “the book I mean, I’ve heard it’s meant to be good but it’s not my usual type.”

“I love it. It’s quite sad, not exactly an easy read, but the characters are written so beautifully. This is actually my second time reading it,” you admit.

The man smiled back, big enough to show off his dimple again.

“I guess I’ll have to give it a read, see if it’s as good as you make it out to be.”

“How is yours?” you ask, reading the name that was etched into the side of his book.

“It’s great! It’s about a detective who is investigating a murder in his home town,” he replied, sounding as excited as a young child who was showing off their newest toy.

“So, who does he think did it?” you ask, marking your page in your book before placing the book down.

“He’s not sure yet, but I think it’s his old best friend,” he said, while marking his page and setting his book down as well.

You both spent the rest of the morning talking, ignoring your books that had been discarded on the table. Another coffee each later and you found out that his daughter has moved to a swim team just down the street so this was his new cafe of choice while he waited during her practice. You learned that he was a single-dad, widowed a few years ago and no luck in the dating game he had recently went back to. You told him that you had just moved to the city and found this place when looking for a new Saturday morning coffee spot. 

The conversation flowed easily after that, talking about everything from books and music to making up stories of others in the cafe, like the old man in the other corner who had been a spy before he retired or the woman who was a ghostwriter and looking for inspiration.

As you both sat laughing, he looked down at his watch and sighed.

“Missy is going to be out soon, I better head,” he said as he stood to put his now dry jacket on.

“Oh, well it was lovely meeting you-”

“Marcus,” he finished for you with a smile.

“Marcus,” you repeated before telling him your name, letting him repeat it as well.

Marcus stayed standing in front of you for a moment before getting enough courage to ask you.

“Maybe if you’re here next week we can do this again?”

“That sounds wonderful,” you answered.

Marcus smiled and pulled his hood up, ready to face the rain that still hadn’t let up outside. You watched as he walked out the door, his pace picking up as he got outside until he reached the window next to you, stopping slightly to smile and wave before running off down the street. 

--------

The next week you get up a little earlier than usual, excited to see Marcus again. You looked out a comfortable but nice outfit, spending a bit more time getting ready, and packed the book you finished during the week to give to Marcus in your bag as well.

When you arrive, Marcus is already sitting at the same table as last week. He looks up as soon as he hears the bell of the door, something he had been doing for the last few customers as well. A wide grin comes to his face when he realises it is you and he stands to pull out a chair for you as you walk over. 

“I ordered you a coffee, I hope you don’t mind. Caramel Latte right?” he asks.

“Good memory! Missy get dropped at swimming all good?”

He nods, smiling at the fact you asked about his daughter as well.

“Oh, before I forget!” you say while reaching into your bag, “here is that book I was reading last week for you to try. I finished it the other day. I hope you don’t mind but I scribble some notes down while I read.”

“Wow-I- Thank you,” he said smiling, “I actually brought you the one I had been reading for you to try as well. There are also some notes in mine as well.”

You both sit for a moment, smiling at one another as you swap your books over. You open his book, flipping through the pages and noticing the black pen marks scribbled across some pages. He does the same, finding your handwriting in blue, stopping on a page where he finds a love-heart in the corner.

“What’s this for?” he asks, tracing over it with his finger, “is this your favourite bit?”

“No, its- thats the page I was at when we met last week.”

You look down at the table, shying away from his eyes that are probably on your now and not wanting to see whatever expression was covering his face. When you finally look up you notice the smile that is wider than any you have seen before and that damn dimple. Theres a slight sparkle in his eyes as he goes to talk.

“Well, I see you use blue and I use black. Why don’t we leave each other our own notes?”

“I think that sounds like a great idea.” 

The morning goes in quickly again and you spend the hour and a half talking about everything and anything. You finally find out about his job, something you had been wondering all week. Apparently he is not a teacher, which is what you had imagined from his warm and welcoming energy, but the leader of the Heroics. While you had heard about them before, everyone had, you had never really paid much attention to them on the news. He asks about yours, listening and asking questions as you go. He tells you more about Missy and his mum and you tell him about your family who you were missing since you moved. 

Before you know it, Marcus has to go get Missy again and you are both walking out the cafe door as he pays for both your drinks despite you protesting say it was your turn after he paid for your drinks last week. You both wait outside the cafe, standing awkwardly across from one another for a moment.

“Missy has a competition next week so I won’t be here but the week after?” he asks, looking down as he puts his hands in his pockets..

“It’s a date,” you nod with a smile.

“It’s a date,” he says as he looks up to smile back.

Marcus waits for a moment before leaning forward, giving you a quick hug and walking in the direction of Missy’s swimming practice. It had only been for a moment but you had been surrounded by his warmth and it was comfortable.

----------

You miss the cafe the next week, too busy reading the book Marcus had swapped with you. You found yourself leaving notes in blue as you went.

No way is it the best friend he is too nice!

I think its the old lady down the street, she seems too nosy

So it was the best friend! You should be a detective :)

About half way through the book there was a page with a note in black that read:

The day I met the most beautiful woman in the world.

You couldn’t stop smiling at the note, reading it over and over again. Tracing over the words with your fingertips. 

----------

You found yourself even more excited this Saturday, looking forward to seeing Marcus after a week off. The butterflies in your stomach grew wilder the closer you got to the cafe. As you walked by the window of where you and Marcus had sat at the past two weeks there was no sign of him. You weren’t surprised, you were a bit earlier this week, but as you reached to open the door you heard that familiar voice call your name out.

Marcus was standing leaning against the other side of the cafe, two to-go cups in hand. He looked as handsome as ever, his grey t-shirt showing off his biceps more than you had seen before, his bright smile aimed towards you as he handed you a cup.

“It’s a lovely day today, how about we go for a walk around the park?”

“Sounds perfect and thank you for the coffee but I think it was my turn to pay!” you jokingly scold him.

“Well, you can just get the next one,” he replies with a wink.

You start by talking about the books you swapped. Marcus admits that he did cry a few times and he was wondering what you were putting him through until the end made up for it all. You told him that he should give up his superhero day-job and become a detective, explaining all your guesses of who did it before realising it was the best friend - him finding the old lady down the street guess particularly hilarious.

The conversation moves along to asking about how Missy’s competition went, leaning that she came first and Marcus embarrassed her by cheering louder than any other parent. You find a bench to sit on, enjoying the rest of the coffees as the spring sun warms you both.

“I missed seeing you last week,” you admit, turning to face him.

“I missed seeing you too. Not often I get to spend time with such beautiful company.” 

“Hm I think your note said ‘the most beautiful woman in the world’,“ you teased, making him blush.

“I forgot about that when I gave it to you,” he admits shyly.

“Well, I am enjoying getting to spend time with such a handsome man.” 

You sit for a minute longer, looking at all the spring flowers blooming around you both.

“Listen, I was wondering if maybe one day you would like to go out for dinner sometime? Let me take you on a proper date?” 

You turn to look at the man who had for the most part been confident and sure of himself to find that there was some uncertainty in his eye, like he wasn’t sure you would say yes.

“I would love that, Marcus,” you say, reaching and giving his hand a squeeze.

The walk back to your car is comfortably quiet, every so often your hands brushing against one another and making you both turn to smile. The swimming pool where Missy trains is on the walk back to your car and you stop outside.

“So, I should probably give you my number then?” 

“Oh yeah, that would help,” Marcus laughs, “sorry, I’m not great at this whole dating thing...” 

“You’re doing pretty good so far,” you smile, putting your number and name in his phone. You watch as he takes it back, adding a blue love heart next to your name before saving it again.

“Dad?” you hear a voice call.

You both turn and see someone you couldn’t mistake for anyone other than Marcus’s daughter. She has the same mischievous smile he gives whenever he is teasing you. Marcus had shown you photos of her before but looking at them both in front of you, she was definitely his mini-me.

“Hi sweetie,” he says before introducing you both.

“Hi, its nice to meet you. Your dad has told me so much.”

“Dad has told me a lot about you too, you’re just as beautiful as he said,” she says looking back to her dad.

“Missy!” Marcus scolds as you both blush.

“Well, I hope the both of you enjoy the rest of your day, I better get going. I’ll talk to you?” you say, looking at Marcus.

“Can I call you later?” he asks.

“Of course.”

You say goodbye to Missy and turn to say goodbye to Marcus. He reaches and grabs your arm gently, placing a soft kiss to your cheek, before you give them both a wave and turn and walk away.

His lips had been so soft on your cheek, his hand gentle on your arm. You waited till you had rounded the corner before you let your hand reach up to touch where his lips had met you.

“She really is beautiful Dad,” Missy says as they watch you walk away.

“Told you,” he smiles down at his daughter, looking forward to getting to talk to you on the phone tonight and finally take you on a date.

[motherjoel]

ugly christmas sweaters (spencer reid x fem!reader)

summary: after your parents leave you alone for christmas, spencer tries to brighten your mood

a/n: this is me trying to start writing again and it is truly not my best work AT ALLLLLL but I was in the christmas spirit so here is... something

wc: 2.5k

warnings/includes: too much fluff, reader is basically an elf, spencer is so sexy and sweet and nice and hot

-

Spencer had noticed the way your demeanor was shifted today- the normal glimmer that lived in your eyes had diminished into a dull gaze as you flipped through the mounds of files in front of you. This was out of character for you, especially during the holiday season. You were known as the office elf during December, constantly bringing in freshly baked cookies and stringing tinsel over your teammates computers. Today however, there was no sparkle in your eye and you weren’t wearing your normal Christmas sweaters (Spencer’s favorite was the one that said “Hydroxide, Hydroxide, Hydroxide! Merry Christmas!” with a glitter Santa in the middle). It took him until lunchtime to finally do something about it. As you poured yourself another cup of coffee into an un-festive mug, he took the opportunity to ask you about your change in enthusiasm.

“Hey Y/N, is… is everything okay?” he asked, grabbing the coffee pot from you and refilling his own mug. You took a long sip before rubbing your temple with a sigh.

“Yeah, I…” you started before seeing Spencer's suspiciously raised eyebrow. “No, okay? I’m not! Because every year my parents come to visit and help me decorate my apartment and we go to pick out a Christmas tree and we make our own peppermint bark and chocolate chip cookies and… well, they’re going on a stupid cruise! They left yesterday and they won't be back until New Years, and it just... sucks.” you finished, noticing that you spilled half of your coffee onto the ground from your wild gesticulations. Spencer stared at you for a moment, wide-eyed, before snapping out of his daze to grab a wad of paper towels to clean up your mess. 

“Well, I…” he started, kneeling to sop up the mess, “I know this probably won’t help, but I-I’m not busy this weekend!” he said, standing up to throw out the wet paper towels as you cleaned up the extra coffee that spilled onto the counter.

“Well, neither am I. Because my stupid parents-” you started to go into another rant which was cut off by Spencer before you could continue.

“No, Y/N, I meant I’m not busy this weekend so what if… we did something festive? You know, your parents aren’t home and nobody should be alone for the holidays. What if we went to get you a Christmas tree? And I’m not the best at baking, but-” he started to suggest before you tightly wrapped your arms around his waist, burying your face in his chest.

“Thank you,” you said, muffled into his cardigan. Spencer was thankful you couldn’t see the blush dusted on his cheeks. You pulled away after a moment, but the warmth of your embrace lingered with Spencer for longer than he’d like to admit. “Thats really sweet of you Spence, but you don’t have to do that for me,” you said as you refilled your mug. 

“But I want to!” he said, a little too loudly. You gave him a look before he continued. “Seriously, I mean i’ve never really made a big deal about the holidays but, it could be fun!” he smiled dorkily as the sparkle in your eyes reignited a bit. 

“Spence, that is… so sweet. We’re gonna have so much fun, I promise. When are you free?” you asked.

“Uh, always?” he said as you laughed, suddenly feeling very self conscious about his word choice. “I mean, not always, I, uh, I do things?” he defended, not even convincing himself. 

“Don’t worry, nobody in the BAU has any social life,” you reassured him. “How about… today? I know it's kinda soon but you got me really excited and since it’s Friday and we’re off this weekend we can get all of our shopping and decorating done! Sorry, I seem crazy” you laughed. Spencer ignored the pang in his chest at the angelic coo of your laughter.

“You’re not crazy, it's cute,” he laughed before he realized what he had just said, coughing to fill the ensuing silence. “I mean, sure, that sounds great,” he smiled as he watched you head back to your desk, coffee in hand and a newfound spring in your step

Hours had passed since your conversation at the coffee machine and you were just about ready to leave work, your stack of finished paperwork mounds taller than it had been at the beginning of the day. With a satisfied sigh, you looked to Spencer’s desk to see it was empty- he definitely hadn’t left, his jacket hanging on his chair, but he wasn’t in the bullpen. After looking around for a few moments, a bright light caught your eye from the bullpen entrance. 

“Oh my god,” Emily laughed, leaning back in her chair.

“Wow,” JJ laughed. You turned your attention to where they were looking to see Spencer, wearing the most ridiculous Christmas tree light-up hat with a decadent mug of hot chocolate balancing in his hands.

“What is this!” you yelled, springing out of your seat and running up to him, admiring his hat.

“I thought you could use a pick me up,” he blushed as you reached up and pressed a button near his ear that made the hat sing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”

“Pretty boy is whipped,” Morgan remarked, not-so-subtly as he received a glare from pretty boy himself. 

“Spencer, I love it,” you smiled as he handed you the mug of cocoa, which you accepted gratefully. 

“I’m glad,” he smiled watching you sip from the mug, giving yourself a whipped cream mustache. “Oh, you’ve got a little…” he said, gesturing to his upper lip.

“Huh?” you said, attempting and failing to lick it off.

“Here,” he said, reaching out to wipe the remaining cream off your upper lip without thinking, licking it off his finger. You were honestly shocked- he didn't like touching people, although you were often an exception, but this was a new level. He didn’t seem to notice the gasps coming from the team as he grabbed his things to leave the office. You decided to ignore the gesture- you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, risking that he wouldn’t touch you like that again. 

“Ready to go?” you asked after finishing your drink.

“Yup,” he smiled, following you to the elevator and leaving behind a shocked group of FBI agents. 

The elevator was filled with your excited rambling as you made your descent to the parking lot.

“So I was thinking that since it’s already a little late we can just order some chinese food and bake cookies, but tomorrow, we can get a tree and decorate my apartment?” you smiled at Spencer, not taking notice of his entranced gaze. “We can also decorate your apartment too of course, I think I have some extra tinsel and lights,” you said as the elevator doors opened.

“Oh, we don’t have to do mine, I’m not really one for that kind of thing,” he stammered, following you to your cars.

“Nonsense! I’m not gonna be living in a winter wonderland while you’re living in a dark library. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just want to spread the Christmas cheer,” you clarified, getting into your car after telling Spencer to follow you to your apartment. He couldn’t help the racing of his heart as he drove- he didn’t need to follow you, already knowing where you lived from his many previous visits. 

After putting his car in park, Spencer headed over to your parked car a few spots over where you were reaching far into the trunk.

“I took these from my parents house when they bailed on me,” you said, rummaging through your packed car. “Here!” you exclaimed, pulling out a pile of Christmas lights and decorations. Grabbing most of the pile, Spencer followed you up to your apartment, smiling at the skip in your step. After struggling for a moment to unlock the door, you finally pushed it open with your hip and set the lights you were holding onto your counter.

“Stay right here,” you said to Spencer with a mischievous smirk, running into your bedroom. He made himself busy by sorting through the pile of decorations, discovering a homemade Santa Claus that seemed like an enthusiastic 6 year old made it. He didn’t have much time to observe his find before you came running back into the room wearing a Christmas sweater. Not just any sweater, but Spencer’s favorite- Hydroxide, hydroxide, hydroxide. 

“It’s your favorite!” you giggled, doing a twirl for him to get the full effect. 

“Wow, it looks great,” he smiled as you handed him a wrapped box. “What’s this?” he said, eyebrows raised.

“Oh, just an early Christmas present. Consider it a thank you for helping me out,” you smiled, urging him to open it. He did so, carefully ripping the wrapping paper off to open the box, revealing the exact same sweater you were wearing.

“Is this…?” he said, slowly pulling the sweater out of the box.

“It is! I thought we could be twins,” you laughed as he observed the sweater, open-mouthed in half shock, half adoration. 

“I love it y/n,” he said, still shocked that you noticed his admiration towards the sweater.

“Go put it on!” you suggested, laughing at Spencer’s wide eyed stare as you ushered him into the bathroom. By the time he came out, you’d already gathered all of the cookie ingredients and were preparing for the night of baking ahead of you. Spencer emerged with a nervous smile, eyebrows raised for your approval. You ignored the pang in your heart at the sight.

“Wow, you look great!” you laughed, walking over to him after noticing a tag sticking out at the back of his neck. “Hold on, lemme just…” you started, tongue darting out in focus as you tried to rip the tag out. “Bend down,” you ordered, amused by the blush dusted across his cheeks as he slowly knelt. Without thinking, you leant down and tugged at the tag with your teeth, eventually ripping it off. “Aha!” you exclaimed with pride, tag in hand. 

“Thank you,” he clamored to his feet, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“We look hot,” you joked, grabbing his hand and twirling him around a bit, the blush never leaving his cheeks. “You know, I don’t like the phrase ‘ugly christmas sweater.’ I actually think they’re quite charming! It’s like, why discriminate against an entire clothing item just because it’s not the most flattering! They have personality.”

“Did you know that ugly Christmas sweaters became popular in the 50s?” Spencer started, encouraged by the interest in your eyes. “After the mass commercialization of Christmas, “jingle bell sweaters” were invented which soon came to be known as the ‘ugly’ Christmas sweater,” he said, following you into the kitchen.

“How did you know that? I mean I know you know everything but where did you even read that?” You laughed, pouring some ingredients into the mixer.

“Oh, well I know how much you like Christmas, so… I did some light reading about it. Did you know that Jingle Bells was originally meant to be a Thanksgiving song?” he said, too focused on his measuring cup to notice your in-awe stare.

“I think I love you,” you blurted before slapping your hand over your mouth. Spencer choked on his own oxygen, blowing a gust of flour around the kitchen and all over your face. The silence that followed felt thicker than the cloud of flour you were currently trying not to choke on.

“I-I’m sorry, but what did you just say?” Spencer asked in a daze, white powder settling onto the front of his new sweater.

“Um, I didn’t- didn’t say anything!” you tried to play off the moment, busying your nervous hands by frantically swiping the flour off the counter and into the trash can. 

“Y/N, um, did you just say that you…” he pressed on, wincing almost.

“You know what, just forget I said anything Spence! Of course I love you, you’re my best friend, it’s no big deal,” you said, dusting the rest of the flower off your own sweater. 

“Oh. Yeah, of course, um. I’ll just… get the eggs,” he muttered, shuffling to the fridge. After a few moments of silence, you decided that you had nothing to lose.

“Spence?” you asked.

“Mm?” he hummed, focusing intensely on cracking an egg.

“I love you,” you said, setting down the spoon you were mixing with.

“Yeah, you said that Y/N. I love you too,” he smiled, lips pressed tightly together in a way that signaled he wasn’t saying everything that was on his mind, which he most definitely wasn’t.

“No, god this is not how I wanted to tell you. I wasn’t actually ever going to tell you but maybe the Christmas spirit is making me go crazy. I love you love you. Like, how… Mrs. Claus loves Santa,” you laughed nervously as silence filled the room. “I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said anything,” you apologized while avoiding his stare. 

“You… love me love me?” he asked, corners of his lips curling into a soft smile.

“Mmhm,” you hummed, popping a chocolate chip into your mouth. That was when the laughing started. Spencer almost doubled over in laughter, his shocked expression shifting into amused disbelief. “Well you don’t have to laugh at me for being in love with you,” you huffed, irritated at his response. He quickly composed himself.

“No! I'm not laughing at you, I’m laughing at the situation,” he said, wringing his hands together. You raised an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. “God, Y/N, I mean was it not obvious?” he asked, smiling once again.

“What, Spence? You’re creeping me out,” you said warily.

“You are the sweetest, most beautiful person I have ever met. I think everyone who has ever met you has fallen in love with you,” he said, stepping forward a bit, encouraged by your entranced stare. “You are the only person I would spend the weekend baking and decorating with, I-I mean… wow. I can’t believe you’re in love with me,” he smiled, almost giddy at the thought. As you snapped out of your trance, you hit him lightly on the arm. “What?” he asked, grabbing his arm.

“Why didn’t you tell me you idiot!” you laughed, almost jumping into his arms. He was taken aback but he quickly brought his arms around you, pulling your body flush with his.

“I never thought you felt the same,” he whispered into your hair before pulling away. You looked him in the eyes for a moment before leaning in slowly.

“I always have,” you whispered before he connected your lips, the two of you finally melting into each other after your years of pining.

-

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taglist: @rigatonireid​, @yesimaunicorn​, @aworldoffandoms, @herestherealproblem​, @moonshinerbynight, @averyhotchner

[ohholyfanfics]

Ten Stages: Stage One| Tom Holland

Stage One: Realization, the stage where they slowly start to realize that they are falling for someone. Where Tom has a sudden realization thanks to his best mate Harrison Osterfield.

She was running late, a bit later than usual. Checking his watch once more, Tom found himself humming along to the slightly over-played tone filling the car. The hot Virginia sun causes sweat to form on his forehead; reaching over, he quickly switched the AC settings knowing she'd complain the moment she got inside the car. Biting his bottom lip, he felt a wave of relief wash through him as he watched her walk out of the building. Hair in a neat ponytail, her figure hugged by a dress that looked way too good on her. Her light pink blazer rested on her arm as she waved goodbye to a colleague before making her way over to his car.

"Ah always a gentleman.." she hummed in approval watching as he swiftly got out of the car and opening her door.

Giving her his signature boyish grin, he leaned close to her, placing a soft kiss onto her cheek. Closing her door, she couldn't help but roll her eyes, watching as he climbed back in. Tom watched as she fiddled with the climate control on her side from the corner of his eyes.

"You sure you aren't going through menopause or something.." he mumbled, backing out of the spot and soon driving them towards their weekly lunch date.

"Isn't that your job to know.." she hummed, pulling her phone out from her bag. "Plus, I think I'm a bit to young for that Thomas.." she mumbled.

"Well aren't you a doctor.." he huffed out as she took this chance to slap him across the head. The loud groan that escaped his lips was enough the have a satisfied sigh escaping her own.

"Besides the point Holland, how was the first half of work? Any life saving surgery?"

He shrugged, he loved what he did, and every day, he was thankful for it. Sure it was hard work to get where he was now, but here he stood. Now three years into residency, he had somewhat of an idea of what he wanted to do. After learning that a position would be opening up at the hospital, he knew this is where he was meant to be.

"Not really, pretty slow today.."

She nodded her head; Tom was a bit further along than she was. He was nearing the end of his term and now had a whole different set of pressure resting on his shoulders.

"A spot is opening up at the hospital though.." he mumbled once they were seated at the country club—the same country club where they had first been introduced.

"Wow Tom, are you gonna apply?" She asked with wide eyes. They hadn't talked much about his plans after med school; she knew he had some sort of idea of staying local. "Is it in the department you're in now?"

"Um it's actually in the trauma department.." he stated as she nodded her head. This was the first time he was actually voicing his future plans with her. It wasn't that he kept her in the dark or that she felt entitled in being informed. Tom was her best friend, and she just wanted to support him in any way possible.

"Wow that's huge.." she stated as he nodded his head. He knew she had been seeing or talking to some guy from the hospital. It was possibly the first time since March that she had actually gone out on a date. Tom doesn't know if she went on a date or if they even still talked.

"Not sure if it's something I want though."

Y/N knew that was a code for closing that conversation, so she did just that. In an instant, their discussion switched to the fact that she will be gone for a few days. Tom had promised to look after her place along with being on dog sitter duties for Layla. He hummed softly as she basically gave him a tiny little run down of her short weekend trip and promising takeout the moment she's back. He knew it was a code word for debriefing after spending a few days confined with her family members.

"Harrison's coming down right?" She asked once they were seated at their usual table. "He texted me asking if I'll be around.."

"Yeah, he's staying a couple days.." he mumbled, eyes scanning the menu though it was kinda pointless. He already knew both their words.

"Hmm, it'll be good for you." She mumbled, clearing her throat. As much as y/n hated to admit, she knew this time was difficult for any medical student. The ending was nearing, and the sudden pressure to have everything set in stone was terrifying. However, she knew as much as anyone that Tom was in a much different mindset than when they first met.

The Tom Holland sitting before her was different; he had a future planned out for himself. Sure, he didn't plan ahead like she had, but the small amount he did was a great start. She also knew that pushing him into making decisions was never an intelligent choice; Tom knew what he wanted and had all the necessary tools to pursue whatever it was he wanted in life. One thing she was clear on was that he was staying in Virginia.

"Can I ask you something.."

She looked up at him nodding her head. His tone was slightly different, closer to the one he used the morning after their last candle and wine night. The same night where she may have cried a bit too much in his guest room.

"That night at the beach, when when we made the bet, where you in a sense preparing yourself? You know, for like the breakup?" He asked softly, thanking the waiter as they set their drinks down.

She looked at him a little dumbfounded, not really knowing what to say. She knew what she had to say, but the words couldn't seem to come out. She looked at him for a few seconds, mind racing before finally speaking.

"No, I wasn't. If I'm being completely and utterly honest with you Tom, I thought Marc was maybe the one. We were together for so long and everything was so close to perfect. I don't think I really ever saw us ending.."

He nodded his head, ignore the slight sting upon hearing those words, not that he was surprised. It hurt him to know that something that she believed in so desperately ended without any explanation. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she was feeling or what she thought the moment everything sunk in. However, Tom also knew y/n was a lot stronger than everyone gave her credit for.

"Have you talked to him?"

"No, he didn't answer the first couple of texts I sent. So I guess I kinda got the hint you know. I'm not necessarily bothered by it, I mean I was in the beginning but now it kind feels numb."

"Shouldn't you like talk to a professional love.." he mumbled as she smiled at him softly. "I know it's in a sense traumatizing.."

"Don't worry doctor, I talk to my shrink about it. Im kinda coming to terms with the fact that maybe we weren't meant to be.." she mumbled as he nodded her head. "I just, I'm focusing on myself and getting through all this. If love comes my way it comes my way..."

"How knows darling, the one might be right under your nose." He chuckled, leaning over to bop her on the nose. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips, watching her nose scrunch up and eyes crinkle up.

"God I hate you sometimes.."

It's been two days since Y/N had left for New Hampshire on a small family getaway. As much as she wanted to drag him along, and as much as Tom hated to admit it, a weekend with the Y/L/N sounded pretty amazing; Harrison finally got some time off and was coming to visit. He was had just finished stocking his fridge with a few essential items the two would need before the door open and the sound of barking welcomed the blond inside the townhouse.

He couldn't help the sense of familiarity that washed over him seeing his best friend come into view. Tom hated to admit it, but he needed to see him, more than he could like to admit. After a hug that might have lasted a few seconds longer, they were both drowning in beer and one of Harrison's favorite dishes made by y/n.

"Where is our own personal pyschatrists anyways?" he asked before taking a sip of his beer.

"Went up north to visit family, something about get together or whatever.."

Harrison nodded his head, picking at the label on his beer. The two had done a decent amount of catch-up, but he couldn't seem to notice the lack of mention of his neighbor.

"Marc must be happy to see her.." Harrison mumbled as Tom tensed up at the name. He wasn't sure what Harrison did and didn't know. "I actually ran into him a few days ago."

Tom choked slightly on his beer as he looked back at him at a loss. He wrecked his brain on what he could say but kept coming out short. The one thing coming to mind was just blurring out how Marc suddenly stopped responding without an explanation. How he suddenly can't stop thinking about their stupid bet, and how every day the chances of becoming a reality increase.

"Mate, they aren't together anymore..."

"Stop bullshitting me Holland, Marc looked very much in love with her when I asked him how things were between them.."

Tom couldn't help but scoff, thinking back to the night she had shown up with too many bottles of wine and a broken heart.

"Mate he ghosted it, thats a pretty funny way of showing your love."

"Fuck, I had no idea."

"No one did mate."

The past few days were pleasant and relaxing; the two spent time together. Harrison was just what time needed, and within the short few days Harrison was there, Tom realized a couple of things:

One that he couldn't possibly live without both Y/N and Harrison in his life.

Two that he was going to take the position at the Trauma Department.

"Thomas Stanley did you miss me..." she giggled softly as he brought her into a bone-crushing embrace. The sigh that escaped his lips was overwhelming.

Maybe, you don't see her as just a friend, mate. I don't do half of the shit you do with her, with Jessica.."

"Shut up, Y/N.." he mumbled, slightly pushing her away while shaking Harrison's voice out of his head. "I got that wine you told me about.."

"Yum, it's good." she stated as she took a seat at the island. He couldn't help but smile as she leaned over, smelling the candle he had picked out. "Cactus Bloom?"

"Its a good debriefing scent, not too intesne.."

I don't bother to memorize small insignificant facts about just some random girl, not even if we're close. I'd understand a few minor details, but not all.

She watched as he poured them both a glass before handing her a plastic spoon and pushing a carton of takeout towards her. She hummed in appreciation, sending him a wink.

"So how was your few days with Harrison?" she asked, swirling the pasta around. "How's he doing?"

"He's doing, says the kids say he speaks funny.."

"He does speak funny, you both do.." she hummed, locking eyes with him and a wide grin. "But its a cute funny.."

"Funny."

She hummed, sending him a wink before taking a few more sips of her wine. He sighed, leaning back in his seat as he took a good look at her. She looked different; she was happier, lighter even. It was clear these few days away did good on her, and he was glad.

You notice the little things about her Tom, from the color of her nails to when her mood shifts. No one reads that deep unless they fancy someone.

"I'm gonna take the spot in the truma department.."

Her lips formed an 'O' before launching herself into his arms. Her lips lightly brushing the skin against his neck, causing his arms to hold her a little tighter.

Now tell me, Holland, how does she make you feel? Don't hold back anything Tom, it's me. You can be honest, mate. Do you fancy Y/N?

"God, Tommy I'm so happy for you.."

The way her eyes sparkled caused a storm to awaken within him. His heart was beating a bit too fast, the sudden urge to pull her into a kiss. The feeling was overwhelming as she started to ramble still in his embrace.

It was at that moment that the realization kicked in. Tom Holland was starting to fall for his best friend, and he wasn't sure how to deal with it.

Taglist:

@thenoddingbunny-blog @blueberrynonnie @bi-lmg

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

In love with my best friend

Summary: Spencer gets made fun of when you're introducing him to your friends, oh well your so thought friends.

A/N: okay so this one had a weird inspiration and it was also in the drafts for a couple weeks. So hope you enjoy this one!

You were just sitting at your desk getting all the paperwork done that you got from you last case, hopefully it was gonna be it and you were just gonna have the weekend off, if anything the night off, but one could dream.

As you were finishing off you noticed everyone was gone besides you and Spencer. He was almost always there since he either did more than paperwork. You always admired him, he was smart and didn't let people change him. You liked how he was himself, in a way it made your nerdiness come out too.

“Got any plans for the weekend spence?” you asked as he shrugged.

“Uh, kinda i guess, it's nothing special really.” he said as you knew he was lying. You could see he was holding a grin, whatever he was doing was getting him very excited.

“Come on Reid, it sounds exciting, i can hear it from your hidden grin.” you said as he looked up at you and smiled.

“Uh okay fine, im going to watch this french film, its not that far from here, and i was gonna go with prentiss, but she had other plans, i was uh hoping, you wanted to come with me?” he asked as you nodded.

“Yeah why not, do you think I could invite some of my friends if you'd like, they're french majors, so they could learn a few.” you giggled as he nodded.

“Sounds good,” he said as he smiled.

He didn't really do well making new friends, maybe your friends were different. Hence them being french majors, hopefully they were as nerdy as you and him were.

After you were both done you walked to the metro and headed to where they were showing the film. You had told your friends that you would meet there and that here was someone you wanted them to meet someone.

 You thought, “Come one who wouldn't like spencer, whats not to like about him.” and yeah it might sound like you like him, which you do, but you knew he wouldn’t like you like that. He had suffered a lot from Mavae you didn't want to look desperate.

You’ve liked him fro a while, but your feelings would come and go. It depended on what he did that made your heart flutter. When he talked to you about Mavae, you were happy for him, your feelings for him didn't struck, so you weren't jealous, you were genuinely happy for him.

As you saw your friends Spencer was already getting nervous.

“Are you sure they’re gonna like me?” he said as he stopped and you just smiled.

“Spencer, they’re gonna like you, come on, if they don't it’s their loss.” you said as you tugged at his arm and met your friends.

“Hey guys, this is spencer, my-” you said as your friend jess cut you off.

“Woah he looks more like my grandpa with that sweater vest.” she said as you frowned.

“Hey, watch it.” you said as they continued.

“When you said we were gonna meet your friend I thought you were talking about the other dude, you know not scrawny or nerdy.” Alice said.

“Yeah, i guess thats what we get. You cant blame the werido for bringing a weirdo.” tiff said.

You honestly couldnt believe them, you were shocked, poor spencer just stood there behind you. You turned around at him and just felt sorry.

“I am so sorry spencer, look you go inside get us a spot while i talk to them okay?” you said as he nodded and you gave him some money to pay.

“I cant believe you guys, i thought you were my friends. Clearly you guys are very ignorant and dont care about anyone but yourslevves. I've been there for all of you, but clearly that wasn't important to you. If you got a chance to meet him you would've befriended the most sweetest, smartest friend. He’s very cute too, not just from his appearance, but his personallity too, but i guess, appearences only matter to you guys. Im done with you guys, im sorry. I want you guys out of my house, by the end of the week.” you said as you turned around and they were left with shock and no place to sleep.

Spencer had herd all of it, he smiled at what you said, he was glad you were his friend. As you came back you noticed where he was standing and you started to blush.

“Hey Spence, they're gone now, so we can enjoy our movie, or well film, both i guess, i don't know.” you said as you walked to your seats getting flustered. You knew he herd that so you just had to say something.

“You herd all of that didn't you?” you said as he smiled.

“I did, and i think you’re cute too,” he said as you blushed.

“Ah, your herd that too, gosh im sorry, i was just syaing what i was feeling, its true i feel that way. You dont have to say anything i just, i uh i like you.” you said as he placed his hand over your shoulder.

“I like you too y/n. I've liked you for a while, bringing you here was a chance to tell you.” he said as you smiled and looked at him in awe.

“Well im glad i said yes.” you said as he grabbed your chin and looked you in the eyes.

“Can i uhm can i kiss you?” he asked as he was getting nervous and you nodded.

The both of you had dreamed of this and it was happening. It was so passionate, it was just waiting to happen, it felt like you were floating, you never thought you would be kissing him. The movie then started playing and your kiss broke. You smiled at him and gave him one last peck as you two got comfortable and watched the movie.

“Do you uh, want me to translate it for you?” he said as you nodded forgetting this was in french and you knew you would barely understand anything they are saying.

You were happy the whole night filled with Spencer talking to you near your ear and spending time spilling facts with one another and ending the night cuddling. You were happy that you said yes to him hanging out you were even more happy kicking out your friends who weren't really your friends, you know at least you had your house back.

[yamithediaperdork]

Let’s Make A Star! (MHA)

Let's make a star!

To the surprise of no one, Mineta was spending his Friday night doing what he did well, just about every night in his room: Looking at porn online. the shameless pervert was proud of his status though even if he was finding increasingly weird porn to look at, and tonight he'd decided to look into a fetish to spice things up. 'Man does not exist on tentacle porn alone' He thought with a little giggle, going to his favorite my porn site. Hmm'ing and ha'ing for a second, he decided what the hell and typed in adult diaper and soon was browsing the kinky world of grown women and men acting like babies and crapping themselves, though it wasn't quite getting him the thrill he was looking for. Not ready to give up the fight yet (he prided himself on being able to get off to almost anything after all) he went into a chat room for the ABDL's and asked if anyone had any good video's or pictures to recommend, saying he was looking for a super red faced or embarrassed diaper boy or girl. the response's lit up and he was showered with links, though most of them he had seen already to his disappointment.   the last link however was one he'd have to pay to unlock, but since it was only 5 bucks and the title of it was 'super embarrassing diaper mess while cleaning the potty' Mineta figured it would be worth it. As the video started and he saw who the star was the pervert grinned ear to ear, this was WELL worth the five bucks!

Katsuki was in a bad mood Saturday morning. Not only had he had to go to class despite it being the weekend to do a stupid make up test for one he'd flunked, He'd been getting non stop text messages from grape head about wanting to meet up. 'Because THAT'S what I wanna do, hang out with a pervert.' Katsuki thought, just ignoring the texts, and having to turn his phone off while taking the test anyways. After handing the test in Katsuki was free to go and found the fucking perv waiting for him outside of the classroom. "You know, Ignoring people is rude." The little shit said, wagging a figure at Katsuki. "all the fucks I give about what you think are in my hand.. Oh look! there's nothing there!" Katsuki said and kept walking. Mineta apparently wasn't to be ignored, and dashed to catch up to him. "You know, you should be nicer to someone who could get you expelled." He huffed. THAT caught Katsuki's attention, and with it being just the two of them in the hell he turned around and looked at the pervert. "Really? and how are you going to get me expelled? By pissing me off so much I blow you up? I'd likely get a god damn medal." Katsuki pointed out with a smirk. "well as i understand it, Hero's aren't suppose to have pay to see porn out there, though yours is more interesting then most." Mineta said, a evil smile on his face. The smirk instantly dropped from Katsuki's face and his jaw dropped. "I-I don't know what your talking about." he stammered. "Really, so your NOT 'stinky little diaper boy for pay'?" Mineta asked, a mock look of surprise on his face. "That's odd, you must have a twin out there then, but hey, maybe I'm wrong, let's bring up a video an-" And the little shit was bringing up his phone and indeed was going to his saved video's folder. "W-wait!" Katsuki whimpered, his cheeks bright red. "Ok ok it's me, what the fuck do you want?" "Well what I want is a few things, but I think we should go back to your room and talk in semi private don't you?" Mineta asked, a smug look on his face. "..Yeah ok." Katsuki huffed, and lead the way.

Coming into Katsuki's dorm room Mineta was shocked at how pleasant it smelled in there when about 70 percent of the blond's video's had him taking a dump in his huggies. 'then again he would of been busted long ago if he hadn't of learned how to take care of it.' The pervert thought. Strolling over and taking a seat on Katsuki's bed, Mineta pointed at the floor for Katsuki to take a seat, and chuckled as he meekly did so. "So I think it's clear by now that I could destroy you with little to no effort on my part. the higher ups don't want anther pervert hero out there making the hero community look bad." Mineta started, enjoying the look of worry on Katsuki's face. "But before I make my list of demands, I'd like to know what exactly prompted you to start crapping yourself in huggies for pay." "I uh..I.." Katsuki was turning SUCH a cute shade of red and Mineta found himself loving his power over the much bigger and deadlier boy. "yes? Go on.." Mineta chuckled. "I needed to make some money fast for a bike I wanted, and my mom was refusing to help. then some pervert old guy said he'd buy the bike for me if I crawled around in a diaper and sucked on a pacifier for 2 hours. I figured I could always blow him up if he tried to cheat me or do anything weird but the deal went off. After I realized they had to be A LOT of people like him, and it was easy money..S-So Next time I got some money from mom I got a pack of diapers and well.. You know.." Katsuki trailed off. "Set up a pay to view porn channel where you crap your diapers and do walks of shame. And your saying nothing you do is really YOUR fetish, just doing it for the money?" Mineta asked. "Well um..I.." Katsuki whined big time and was poking two fingers together. it was so unlike him that Mineta was having to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. "I Might of semi kinda come to MAYBE like it a little...but it's mostly for the money. A lot of what I do is actually fan submitted requests and I only do the ones that come with a tribute attached to them." He finished up. "well I think if your gonna keep charging as much as you do, you're gonna need to step up your game and your camera work. I know it's tough for you to film yourself so I'll be helping you with that from now on." Mineta said, and seeing a argument starting to form on Katsuki's lips he stopped it in it's tracks."That's part of my demands to keep quiet so don't even think of fighting unless you wanna be famous around school. Second item on my list is that half of what you make though being a diaper filling perv goes right into my greedy little hand. I'm not helping you and keeping my mouth shut for free after all." Katsuki glared but then huffed and pouted, crossing his arms and glaring at the floor. "Third part of my list of demands is that you wear a diaper to class at least twice a week, we'll get you some thinner ones and you won't have to use it but I think it'll keep you from getting any big ideas. That's all, for now." Mineta finished up and gave Katsuki a look that dared the diapered for pay boy to just try and argue. "Your a fucking bastard you know that?" Katsuki growled. "Just for that, whenever we're in private from now on you'll call me daddy. go ahead little boy, keep mouthing off." Mineta said. "..Fine you win.." Katsuki huffed and slumped, knowing he was beaten. "I'm sorry, 'you win' what?" Mineta asked and leaned down and cupped Katsuki's chin, making the blond look him in the eyes. "..You win..Daddy." Katsuki whimpered. "Good boy! Now let's go and get you all padded for a new video." Mineta laughed and gave Katsuki a condescending head pat.

Katsuki was thankfully allowed to pick his own outfit and diaper himself as Mineta was busy going though the fan requests that Katsuki had been giving, using Katsuki's laptop and also copying his login information. "If I go to log in later and you've changed the password.." The purple haired bastard had said, trailing off but his threat clear. "I won't daddy." Katsuki promised. Katsuki went with one of his teddy bear print diapers, with a blue back round and then picked out a tank top that was slightly too short and showed a little bit of belly so the diaper wasn't covered at all, Blue back round and a big teddy bear on the front. 'I might as well look stylish if I'm gonna be blackmailed.' Katsuki reason, and then opened up a locked drawer in his desk. inside was a selection of 5 different pacifiers and of course each one went with a outfit/ and or diaper print he had. So naturally he had a blue paci that had a teddy on the mouth guard and had a string of darker blue cord so he could wear it around his neck. (he'd tried using paci clip's with ribbon but had almost gotten busted when he'd caught his nipple with one and shrieked out in pain.) Finishing up the outfit was to no ones shock a pair of blue socks with a smiling bear on the ankles. "heh, adorable. So how much have you actually sunk into this? because getting a outfit that cute couldn't of been cheap if you had to get it mailed in." Mineta asked. "The uh.. first half dozen or so shows were all about shocking up supplies." Katsuki admitted then added. "There was one outfit a fan sent me along with 300 bucks to do a private video but I got nervous and trashed it." "Tsk, naughty naughty! what was it?" Mineta asked. "...A fairy costume, with winks and everything and a really short tutu. I just.. I wore it to do the video and then got rid of it, lying and said my mess had leaked on it while changing. the customer got mad and hasn't talked to me since and actually blocked me." Katsuki said, wishing he had kept his mouth shut. Actually he was wishing a lot of things at the moment to be fair. "I See, well thats a shame they blocked you. we'll have to get you a replica at some point so you can do a free video to make it up to them. I assume it's too late to go and get it out of the trash." Mineta said with a disappointed look on his face. "Y-yeah, that was 2 month's ago." Katsuki squeaked. "Hmm, do you have the video saved somewhere? I'd like to see it." "N-No..I just sent the clip to him and then..like i said, got paranoid and deleted it from my computer. I doubt he even kept it." Katsuki whimpered. "heh, actually I bet he just went and uploaded it onto a free porn site to show everyone the naughty sissy baby..But I'll look for it later." "I-I don't think he'd of done that! It would be breaking a rule an-" Katsuki started, he'd never thought of that possibly before and now was going semi pale. "If it's on the net, I'll find it. but as I said that's a matter for latter. for now I've picked out one of the fan requests that's been sent four times already but you've turned it down each time." Mineta said with a evil grin. Katsuki's gut dropped and he whimpered, already knowing what request it would be.  the fan in question was offering a tribute of a extra 200 bucks if the clip got made, but what they wanted was one of Katsuki's limits. A stroll in the halls in one of his baby outfits during the day. "W-We can't you have t-" Katsuki started to whimper but Mineta just gave him a evil smile. "Relax, if we're nice and fast about it, there's no way anyone will catch us..they're all out having fun, visiting their folks or studying in their dorms. Trust me, I don't want you busted and outed, then i lose my hold over you and end up a scorch mark on a wall." Mineta said. Katsuki huffed but had to admit Mineta had a point and they started to plan out how they were gonna do it.

25 minutes and one diaper change later (Katsuki's nerves had gotten to him) and the pervert was out in the halls, his camera phone set and gave a gentle cry of all clear to the door, then started to record. Katsuki poked his head out of his room, and looked around, then slowly walked out holding a series of smallish pieces of white cardboard and waddled down the hall closer to the camera and with his paci in his mouth, held them up to the camera. 'Hi! I'm a big silly stinky diaper boy, and right now I'm at school.' Katsuki counted down from 20 in his head then switched to the next card. 'I've been getting requests to show off my diaper butt in the halls during the day. it's Saturday so almost no one is here but still..' And he grimaced and suckled loudly looking around as he counted down then swapped card. 'I REALLY hope no one see's me in the halls like this! I'm kind of a bully and this would RUIN me!' ruin had 3 underlies under it and Katsuki scrunched up his face and squirms, and when it was time... 'But I feel so excited and naughty out in the halls like this! Thanks Meaniesitter_345 for the request!' putting the cards under one arm, Katsuki used the other hand to rub the front of his diapers and then walked away from the camera, going down to almost the end of the hall and coming back. He was gonna go and do the same for the other side of the hallway when some loud voices were heard. "Mannn i can't believe you got us kicked out of the arcade Hanta!" grumbled the voice of Mezou. "hey, that little bugger was hogging the machines, Somebody had to do something!" came Hanta's reply. Katsuki's eyes went wide in fright and he shot a look at Mineta who nodded and pointed for Katsuki's door, both of them rushing and barley getting in and slamming the door before the other other boys could round the corner and see them. laying against the door in case they tried it and both the baby and the perv panting, they could hear the boys keep arguing, only pausing to ask if the other smelled baby powder. "nah, we have to be imaging it. I mean, who wears baby powder around here?" "I dunno, Izuku cries a lot soo.." Both boys laughed and kept going.

'Almost busted in the halls' was uploaded a hour later after some minor editing and with in the first 15 minutes it had been viewed 70 times. with the clip only being a dollar and shot much better then his others it was going like hot cakes and the comments were pouring in, Katsuki was more popular then ever. 'LOL bet baby crapped himself when he was almost caught!' 'Boooo! you should of stayed in the hallway and let them see you!' 'Was anyone else hoping his door was gonna be locked? LOL' 'OMG your so cute!' 'Hey, how do I request a clip? do I just PM or what?' It was that last one that Mineta answered first, telling people to send all and all requests to the inbox, Blondie baby had a new manager who would make sure as many of them could filled as possible, though tributes would help push certain ideas over others. Katsuki for his part sat on the floor, hugging his stuffie and rocking back and forth a bit, hoping that Mineta wouldn't notice the slight smell coming from that wasn't going away. when he'd almost been caught he'd started to mess himself but had clamped his bowels down, and had been told to wait till 'daddy' was finished with the big boy computer stuff before asking permission to use the potty. His tummy was gurgling and it was getting harder and harder to hold his back door bomb in and he whined and whimpered around his paci as he suckled it, then waved one arm trying to get Mineta's attention from where the perv sat up on the bed, using Katsuki's laptop. "-Sigh- what is it Baby butt?" Mineta asked, a slight tone of annoyance in his voice though mentally he was delighted. It was pretty clear that the blond diaper bitch had at least started to fudge his huggies, even if Katsuki shook his head no every time he was asked if he had. 'just like the fucking big baby your dressed up as.' Mineta mused. "I-I gotta go poo poo!" Katsuki whined, having taken his paci out and whimpered. "it's gonna be a BIG one! Please let me use the potty!" Dropping his teddy bear, Katsuki knelled forward, both hands pressed together. "..Allllright..but only because I don't wanna change a shitty diaper. off you go." He said, smirking and jerking a thumb to the bathroom. Katsuki nodded and smiled and relaxed a bit, and moved to crawl into the bathroom.Sadly as it would turn out, relaxing was the last thing he should of done. He barley moved when a loud gurgle from his tummy was heard and Katsuki gasped and whimpered. "N-Nooo!" he whined and grabbed at his tummy while going face down and ass up in front of the bathroom door, about to load his diapers. Never one to pass up a opening like this, Mineta grabbed the phone and started to record as Katsuki loaded the seat of his diapers, blorting out the back of the teddy bear diaper and making them vanish. 'heh, This is gonna be SUCH easy money." Mineta thought, then the smell hit him and he wrinkled his nose. 'Maybe not as easy as I thought...'

the end for now.

[mgg-theprettiestboy]

cross my heart (pt. 4)

spencer reid x oc

‘to secure peace, is to prepare for war.’ 

karl von clausewitz

cross my heart masterlist

word count: 2836

Spencer decided he didn't want to just be a casual acquaintance any more. He had almost died on his most recent case, and while this was a more common occurrence, something about this time was different. And he decided not to waste any more time, and to stop being such a chicken.

He offered a small smile to Raye from across the cafe once he saw her. It was ten at night, which was fairly early for both of them to be there. She held up the book she was reading, making him grin as he saw it. She had finally agreed to give War And Peace a read, and was slowly making her way through it.

He could only pretend to read, his own thoughts distracting him. There was an open lecture that he knew she would be interested in, and had already reserved two seats. Now, he just had to build up the confidence to ask.

It took him an hour.

But eventually, Spencer had finished his book a hundred times over, and his coffee had gone cold. There was no more avoiding it. He stood, walking over to Raye’s table. Her tongue was sticking out of the side of her mouth as she focused on her book, and Spencer had to bite back a laugh when she jumped in surprise, “oh! You scared me!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry. You were very engrossed,” he said with a fond smile. She smiled in return, “yeah, well, a book like this requires all my attention. I still have to google what half the words mean.”

He chuckled, before they fell into a kind of awkward silence. Spencer cleared his throat, before speaking again, “I was actually wondering... uh. There’s an open lecture on this weekend, it’s called ‘The Queen of English Literature Debate,’ Jane Austen versus Emily Bronte. The guest lecturer is flying in all the way from Scotland to travel around America, giving the lecture in different universities, and from the reviews I’ve read on it, it’s supposed to be amazing. Is that... something you would be interested in going to? Maybe with me?”

Raye blinked up at him, before her lips parted, as if she was going to say something, but then didn't. She repeated this a few times. Spencer was confused if he had rendered her speechless, or if she was having a stroke.

“Are you asking me out?” She eventually managed to choke out. He furrowed his eyebrows, before nodding, “yeah, I am. If thats okay.”

As if she finally realised what was happening, her eyes zoned in on hid face, and her expression softened at seeing his confused one, “I’m sorry, I just... it’s been a while. I don't go on a lot of dates. That sounds weird, I just mean that I don't get asked out a lot.”

His lips quirked up at her nervous rambling, before shaking his head, “I didn't think it sounded weird. I don't either. Go on a lot of dates, that is.”

She sighed softly in relief, before smiling softly, “so, Austen vs Bronte, huh? What do you think? Who’s the Queen?”

“I like to go into these sorts of debates with an unbiased opinion. I don't really favour one or the other, and I like to see if the lecturer can sway me. They usually can't, but its always fun,” he said with a chuckle, “it’s on Saturday, at Georgetown University. I could meet you here, say at three, and we can walk together?”

Raye smiled and nodded at the suggestion, “that sounds perfect.”

“Okay, perfect, great,” he said with a grin, “I will see you then.” His choice of words was not reflecting his intellect right now. He had a stupid grin on his face as he fumbled his way back to his table, collecting his things to leave and go home, and actually sleep for once. But the butterflies in his stomach thought otherwise, and he figured he it would be a struggle to fall asleep. Not that he was complaining.

–

“That was intense. Seriously, Spencer, that had me sweating!”

Spencer laughed as he walked alongside Raye as they left the lecture hall, “right? The professor was flawless with his criticisms. I don’t think I can decide who wins though, Bronte or Austen.”

“Hmm, me neither. I mean, I’ve always had a soft spot for Austen, but Bronte is just so damn good,” Raye said with a frown, “but in saying that, I wrote my college dissertation on Austen, so I guess the at already picks for me.”

“You wrote your dissertation on Jane Austen?” Spencer looked to her in surprise, as she grinned and nodded, “mhm. A cross analysis of Darcy and Elizabeth’s relationship, to the relationship of Macbeth and Lady Macbeth. It was genius, to be honest, an easy A. There was so much content, I could write for days on end and never run out of things to say.”

He laughed as she did, nodding in agreement, “that’s.... wow. I would love to read it, sometime.”

She glanced to him in surprise, nodding slowly with a blush, “I mean, it’s not brilliantly written. It didn’t get top marks or anything–“

“Hey,” he cut her off by taking her hands in his, looking down at her as her wide eyes looked up to him, “I bet it’s amazing. It sounds interesting, really.”

She bit her bottom lip, and tried to ignore the way Spencer’s eyes darted down to her mouth when she did, “okay. I’ll print off a copy of it for you sometime.”

“Great,” he said with a smile. He moved one of his hands away, but kept his other hand on hers. She blushed lightly, moving her hand to curl around his and hold it. He felt his heart leap at her returning the gesture, smiling softly at her, before looking down at his feet, “I had a good time today. I know we didn't exactly do a lot of talking for a first date, but...”

He didn't know what else to add, but he didn't have to, as she laughed, “don't be silly, I had fun. Besides, I already feel like I know you... is that weird to say?”

“No, not at all. I feel like I know you too. I suppose it’s from the books,” Spencer said as they left the lecture hall. He didn't know where they were walking to, but he wasn't about to complain. He didn't want the day to end. She furrowed her brow, “what do you mean?”

“I mean, from reading the books you enjoy, I feel like I know you,” he said with a shrug. Raye hummed, “oh yeah? Go ahead then. What am I like?”

He laughed slightly, looking ahead of them as he spoke, “you're a romantic; thats an obvious one. You love adventure, you love to escape through books. You hate horror, and anything scary, and you hate sad endings. You empathise with the bad guys. So, from all of this, I can tell that you’re sweet. You probably love animals, and definitely love children. You won't do something big unless you're pushed to, because as much as you love adventure, you only get it through reading. And you’ve... you’ve probably been hurt before, maybe by someone you care about or someone you know. Because you empathise with the villain, even when they're in the wrong. You’re considerate. And definitely a scardey-cat.”

Raye stayed silent as he profiled her through her book choices, and afterwards. Spencer immediately felt regret rise in him. He couldn't believe that he already screwed it up on the first date. He tried to apologise, “I-I didn't mean to-”

“I haven't been hurt by someone close to me, but I have been hurt, in a... in a strange way. But... I mean, I always try to see the best in people, no matter what. As difficult as that sometimes is,” she said. She rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb lightly, a look of curiosity on her face, “how did you figure all that out from the books I read?”

He relaxed at seeing that he didn't offend her, offering her a small smile, “I’m good at what I do.”

She was about to ask what he meant, before he let go of her hand to open the door for her. It was only then she realised they had managed to wander back to The Hideout. She smiled and went inside, going over to find a free table. It was busy, considering it was Saturday afternoon, and not the middle of the night.

He ordered two hot chocolates, figuring it was a safe bet, before going to the table to sit across from her, “I ordered two hot chocolates, I hope that’s okay.”

Raye smiled and nodded, “of course it is. I have a sweet tooth.”

“Me too. I always add an unhealthy amount of sugar to my coffee,” Spencer said, and she gasped, “me too! Tamara always scolds me, she says all my teeth will fall out. I also put a bunch of milk in it too. God, I don't know how people drink it without milk. It’s gross!”

“I completely agree!” He said, as they both laughed. He had the urge to talk her hand again. “I had a lot of fun today,” she hummed happily, resting her head in her hand as the hot chocolates were delivered to their table, “seriously. It was so much better than ‘dinner and a movie.’”

“Well, I didn't want to be stereotypical. And the first time I met you, you were literally buried in books, I figured this would be a good idea,” he said with a grin, as Raye scoffed and spluttered, “that wasn't my fault! Tamara loves to mess with me, but I’m too stubborn to give in. Hence my struggle with the bookshelf.”

Spencer laughed, and they continued to talk until they had finished their drinks. While he initially thought they were so similar, he was beginning to see that he wasn't entirely right. Yes, they had their similarities. But she was so much more than he expected. He found out she had a cat, called Dickens (she called him Dick, for short), and he was a ginger tabby cat. He found out she loved house plants, but struggled to keep them alive. Her favourite movie growing up was Peter Pan, and she had a bad habit of buying candles that she doesn't need.

Spencer never wanted the day to end. But sooner rather than later, the sun set on the drizzly November day, and the conversation seemed to come to a natural pause. Raye glanced outside, and cleared her throat she she saw it was dark, and used the moment of silence to say, “I should probably head home. My sleeping schedule... its a little backwards. I’m usually awake at night, and sleep during the day. Because of my work hours.”

Spencer didn't want to, but nodded, “oh, yeah, of course. I never asked, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m in accounting,” she said, smiling slightly. He could tell it was forced, “not my dream job, but hey, a job’s a job.”

“Oh. I could've sworn Tamara said you worked with the stock market, or something,” he frowned. She shrugged it off, “sometimes I do an odd job.”

“Okay. Well... I can walk you home. Which direction are you headed?” Spencer asked as he stood alongside Raye. She began to shake her head, lifting her bag and clutching it to her chest, “no, don't. I mean, I don't need you to do that.”

“No, I insist, really. It’s dark outside, and you never know,” he stressed, as Raye continued to shake her head, reiterated, “I’m telling you, I’ll be fine.” 

“I just want to make sure you get home safe,” Spencer insisted, feeling kind of defeated at her rejection. She didn't seem to notice his reaction, snapping, “I said no!”

They stared at each other for a minute, before Raye just looked away, stuffing her purse and phone into her bag. Spencer tried to ignore the hurt he felt, speaking softly as he put his hands in the pockets of his coat, “I-I’m sorry. I wasn't trying to... to go home with you, or anything, I swear-”

“No, I know,” Raye said, her tone now gentle. She sighed softly, slinging her bag over her shoulder, “I’m just pretty paranoid about my security, I guess. I live alone.”

He nodded slowly, reaching into his satchel and pulling out his badge, “I don't suppose this would ease your worries?”

She furrowed her brow, taking what he handed to her to see what it was. He couldn't ignore the way she seemed to become even more tense at seeing what it was, and the way her hands gripped the badge just a little bit tighter.

All she could say was, “I thought you were a doctor?”

“I-I am. I have three PHDs. None of them are medical, though. I’m with the Behaviour Analysis Unit,” he explained. Raye’s voice was small, “you're a profiler. That explains how you were able to figure me out through books.”

Something about her tone unsettled Spencer. He thought that she would feel safer, knowing that he worked in the FBI. So why was she more alarmed than before?

“I’m so sorry for getting angry,” Raye apologised, smiling guiltily as she handed him his badge back. She ignored the warmth she felt when their hands brushed. Spencer smiled at her, “it’s okay. I’m sorry for trying to force the matter. But you can imagine why.”

She nodded fervently, before growing some confidence and taking his hand in hers, “would you walk me home? I live about three blocks away.”

Spencer felt his heart skip a beat, intertwining their fingers and nodding, as his cheeks began to glow. He stuck close by her side, as they walked down the streets of the city towards her apartment block. They came to a stop outside an old red brick building, but from the front door, Spencer could tell it must be renovated on the inside.

“Today was great,” Raye said tenderly, a warm smile on her face, “really. I had fun. If you’d like, we could do something like this again sometime.”

Spencer returned the smile, “I would love that. As long as you promise to have read War and Peace by then.”

She gawped and laughed, before groaning playfully, “oh come on, it’s just so boring. But for you, I will try. That’s all I can promise.”

“Good enough for me,” he chuckled, looking down at her as they stood face to face. She bit her bottom lip, before letting out a sigh.

“Are you going to kiss me, or am I going inside?” She quipped, as Spencer raised his brows. He smiled ever so slightly, moving to cup her cheek and lean down closer, “I will...”

Raye smiled softly, leaning into his hand as he moved closer so his lips were merely an inch away, “...once you finish the book.”

Her jaw dropped as he moved away, a triumphant smile on his face as she stammered, “you-! I just... that was cruel. Truly, and sincerely cruel. You will pay for that, Doctor, mark my words.”

“I will,” he laughed, lifting her hand that he held to kiss the back of her hand, “but until then, I bid you farewell.”

“Farewell. God knows when we shall meet again,” Raye said, taking a step backwards to walk to her building, as Spencer took a step back too, “Wilde?”

“Shakespeare,” she giggled, as they continued to walk their separate ways. Spencer made sure to stay within sight until he watched her walk through the door. She glanced back once she reached the door, smiling and waving goodbye to him, which he returned with a smile of his own. He was able to walk home with a peace of mind once he had seen her go into her building.

Raye scaled the stairs of her building with a stupid grin on her face, practically skipping up the stairs. It had been so long since her life had felt so normal. So long since she felt like she did right now; like a school girl crushing on a cute boy. She would do anything to make this feeling last forever. She should have known it wouldn't last.

She slowed as she approached her apartment, seeing the door open an inch, her cat sitting at the door.

And just like that, her good mood was completely gone, as she felt her heart stop, and her palms grow sweaty. She never forgot to lock her door. Ever.

She didn’t even bother to go inside, didn’t care to see if anything was missing or gone. She scooped up Dickens into her arms and ran back to the staircase, running all the way down while diling the number of the one person who could help.

–

cliff hangerrrrrr >:)

taglist: @slutforthegubes @pinkdiamond1016 @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @fallinallinmendes @beyonces-breastmilk @spencerlikesapplejuice @pastathighs @gcblers @hushfakebitches @ijustcomeheretoread @thelovelyrose @187-reid @madison-malfoy @averyhotchner @haylaansmi

[goldencuffs]

i was wondering, how do you get yourself to create on a consistent schedule in between work 😰 i'm not managing my time well enough for personal work so if you have any advice i'll be appreciated

hello!!!! so HUGE disclaimer but rn i have more free time than i ever remember having in my entire life, due to pandemic reasons & otherwise. so thats an enormous factor into why i can write as much as i do. i wasnt writing nearly as much when i was working full time. that being said i do have a few tips to help you write more!! 

write in blocks. no more than 20 minutes scattered throughout the day. legit this was one of my biggest changes. i used to sit down at the computer for two plus hours and get maybe 500 words. now in a 20 minute block i can hit 600, take a break, even for a few hours to do errands/school etc, and come back and write for another solid 20. (i think the limited time frame also definitely pushes you to write more. in a day i can average around 6 20 minute sessions. so that’s almost two hours i spend writing, except it doesnt feel that way. you know?)

outline!!!! even if its just a sentence per scene. here was my outline for part three of the dad damen au (ignore my colour coding lol): 

as you can see there are 10 scenes. my goal is to update sunday/monday night depending on weekend plans so from monday to sunday i divide up the scenes. so everyday i will write only one or two scenes until all of these get completed. 

FAST DRAFT!!!!!!! literally THE biggest game changer for me personally. dont worry about how your story looks/sounds as you write it. do not stop to research. if you hit a snag MOVE ON!! just highlight the section and go. you can always edit and add more later -- that in itself usually takes me another day. here is another example from part three of dad damen au:

the black is what i fast drafted with the timer on. then, three days later, when i had finished the entire chapter, i went back to edit and added every word in purple. as you can see the scene became more fleshed out, and i was able to add a lot more detail and conversation. sometimes i’ll even write: [DAMEN AND AUGUSTE TALK] and then move on, and add the conversation later. 

dont focus on word count. this is also something that really helped me just... write. i used to think that each scene needed to be this long, detailed 2000 length thing, and would stress about hitting it. but as long as a scene is completed, and you’re happy with it, great!!! move on and keep writing

dont beat yourself up!! if you dont write as much as you want to, dont stress!! theres going to be that one random day where you’ll have a ton of free time, and you’ll find the words. they’ll eventually come!!

give yourself breaks!! honestly it sounds obvious but if you pace yourself, your words will come more naturally and wont be so resistant.

hope this helped anon!!!! 💖💖💖

[lucy90712]

first kick (pregnancy series)

Series masterlist

George:

Me and George have been having a super chill weekend together after a few busy weeks which he has tried not to do throughout the pregnancy because he wants to spend time with me and enjoy it but sometimes work just takes over and thats ok and he knows that but he still feels bad. We have been watching a lot of movies today now that our baby can hear things we have to introduce her to our favourite films like Harry Potter which we have been binging all day.

About halfway through the 4th film George went to get more snacks for us because I was really craving popcorn today. When he left I thought I felt movement in my stomach but I couldn't be sure but then it happened again and was much stronger this time, it was definitely a kick which was something that hasn't happened before.

"George come here" I said

"What is it?" he asked running over

"She's kicking" I said

I took his hand hand put it in the place where I felt the kicks before and it wasn't long before they happened again. They hurt a little bit because the kicks are right in my ribs but it was still an amazing feeling to know that our little girl is moving around and happy in there. George looked like he was about to explode with happiness at feeling his little girl moving around. He left his hands on my bump for ages not wanting to miss a single kick but eventually he had to let go when I had to use the bathroom but he quickly put his hands back on my bump when I got back.

Our movie marathon was quickly forgotten about and instead we mostly sat in silence watching my bump for any signs of movement only occasionally talking when we got bored of staring at nothing but our baby doesn't like the attention not being on her because as soon as we'd start talking she would begin kicking again.

Dream:

One thing about being pregnant is not being able to sleep. I have been really struggling to get to sleep tonight not because I wasn't trying but just because I couldn't get comfortable and when I did I would need to pee which is just a continuous cycle.

I was tossing and turning before I felt small little kick in my stomach I ignored it at first because I thought it was just my sleep deprived brain but when it continued I realised that it was the baby kicking. It felt so odd to know that was our baby kicking especially because we have waited so long for this moment because despite starting to show quite early on not much has happened since which worried the both of us but our doctor just told us that everything was fine. The doctor warned that when she starts kicking she probably won't stop because it has been so long of a wait which I'm not very excited about.

Clay has been editing most of the night so he's in his office so I thought I would get up to tell him seeing as I'm not going to get any sleep anytime soon. When I went in the room he was talking to Sapnap but he muted when I came over.

"Are you ok? Is everything alright?" He asked

"Yeah I'm fine but shes kicking" I said

I guided his hands to the place that I could feel the kicks so that he could feel them too, he almost squealed when he felt the first kick but he kept it mostly together although there was a huge smile on his face. He unmuted to tell sapnap because he was just so excited.

"She's kicking Sap shes kicking" he said

"Yeah shes really going for it" he added

I couldn't hear what Sapnap said because Clay had his headphones on but by his responses I could tell he was also excited for us. Sapnap and George have been really involved with his pregnancy mainly because Clay tells them everything so they are generally just as excited as we are at each milestone.

Clay made me sit with him while he finished editing so he could keep his hand on my bump to feel every kick and it was quite relaxing actually and for once I actually felt tired enough to fall asleep so the two of us went to bed and I had one of the best nights sleep I've had in ages.

Sapnap:

I'm chilling watching Netflix while Sapnap streams and of course thats when I start to feel movement in my stomach I have felt things before just like the baby moving around so I didn't think much of it but the feeling soon changed and was more forceful. I immediately knew that it was kicks and I felt bad that Sapnap wasn't here to experience it.

I thought about what to do and in the end I texted him to say I was going to come into his streaming room just incase he had facecam on so he could be prepared. He text back worried about me but I decided not to respond because I was almost at his door.

Sapnap looked at me as soon as I opened the door and told his chat he would be back in a minute before muting his mic. He rolled his chair over closer to me and I took his hands and put them on my bump without saying anything so that he could work it out for himself. His expression changed very quickly into one of pure joy and a small squeal left his mouth as our son continued  to kick.

He didn't want to go back to his stream but I made him at least for a little while so he didn't just end and make the viewers worried so he did but he wanted me to stay in the room incase the baby kicked anymore. The mood of the stream changed and it was much more upbeat and he was playing a lot better than he was before which I thought was really cute that he felt so motivated by it.

Quackity:

Me and Alex are out on a drive like we do sometimes, we have nowhere in particular to go we just like driving around blasting music and other people probably judge us from their own cars but we never care because we enjoy it.

We were driving around not too far from our neighbourhood when I felt small little kicks in the bottom of my stomach which I knew right away was the baby but I didn't say anything for a minute because I didn't want to tell Alex if it was going to stop and he was driving. But when it continued I decided to tell him because I didn't want him to miss this moment.

"Alex shes kicking" I said

"No way hang on let me pull over" he said

He found somewhere to safely stop the car ands we both took of our seatbelts off and I got him to put his hands on the bottom of my bump where the kicks were still happening. He was so happy when he felt her kick using his free hand to grab one of mine and squeeze it.

We sat at the side of the road for a while before the baby calmed down and stopped kicking so much which gave us the chance to go back home. On the ride home we talked about how exciting it is that our baby is moving around and we get to feel like she's really with us on an everyday basis.

Karl:

Karl has been gone all day filming and he still won't be back for a few more hours but I just started feeling kicks in my stomach which are so strong you can see the movement on my bump. I felt so awful that Karl wasn't here to experience it but to make him feel like he hasn't fully missed out I filmed it for a bit and sent it to Karl.

He FaceTimed me as soon as he read the text and I had the camera on my bump as we talked and I tried to make him feel better that he wasn't here in person to experience it. He was so excited to get home and try and get the kicks to start again so he can feel them which he has been looking forward to for a little while.

A few hours later he came home and we sat together on the sofa trying to do everything we could to get our son to start kicking again. We tried most things before I played some music which seemed to do the trick because the kicks started again and Karl watched it before putting his hand on where the kicks were happening. He was so happy and that made me happy despite the uncomfortableness of the constant hard kicking. We went to bed to lay down while the baby kept kicking to make it at least a little more comfortable but it really didn't do a lot and I just had to wait for it to stop again.

Wilbur:

The baby has been super active recently but not really kicking just like wriggling around especially today I've been super busy and she has been joining in. I finally got a chance to sit down this evening and thats when I felt kicks, the feeling was different to just movement it was stronger and more concentrated in one spot.

I knew Wilbur would be sad to miss this seeing as he's at his office streaming but I decided to text him so that could know it was happening. I watched him look at his phone to read my text because I was watching the stream and right away he told chat he needed to end and that was it the stream was over. I got a text back saying he was on his way so I tried to keep the baby kicking  until he got back.

Wilbur made it home in record time and didn't even lock the door when he came in to not waste anymore time. He sat in front of the sofa as I laid down and guided his hand to where the kicks were still happening and he could definitely feel it because a huge smile appeared on his face.

"Wow she's really active isn't she" he said

"Yeah she's been moving around all day I swear she doesn't sleep" I replied

"I hope she sleeps when she's born" he said

"Me too" I agreed

[riofann]

A Different Path Part 2

Part 1

It takes a few times hanging out together before you have the courage to make the first move. A lot of coaching from Carol of course. Those “loving” looks that Carol mentions you think you caught a few of them . He was charming to say the least, times spent at the bar as a group he had all the waitresses and some waiters blushing. 

“What are you doing friday night?” you were both at Carol’s once again hanging out

He smiles at you and rubs his chin “Nothing why whats up?”

“Wanna meet at the Empty Bottle and grab a drink around 7, this Saturday?” You can’t help but to blush his gaze was intimidating to say the least 

“Sure” 

“Cool see you then!” and with that you walk away and blow out the air you’ve been holding in, but you can feel his gaze still upon you. 

You spent the majority of the week going over what to wear and when Saturday finally came you decided on something semi casual, dark jeans and a cute dressy top accompanied with a long cardigan just in case you get cold. 

You arrive first and have a seat by the bar where he could see you. 10 minutes pass and you think it could be traffic, it was the weekend after all, but by 30 minutes that sinking feeling seeps in. You contemplate texting him, maybe calling, but you didn’t have his number, plus even if you did wouldn’t that seem desperate? You've been out of the dating game for so long you don't know what the new social norms are. You finish the rest of your drink and by now an hour has passed. Gathering what's left of your pride you pay for the drink and leave. 

You send Carol a text as you walk to the nearest L station

You: well that was interesting 

Carol: wow you guys finished so soon

You: no 

You: i got stood up

Carol: what??? 

Before you can respond she’s calling you 

“Hey!” you say trying to sound cheerful

“What happened?” 

“Uhh i got stood up” you repeat yourself 

“He didn't show up?!” 

“Yea Carol that’s the definition of stood up” you state the obvious 

“Did he call or text?”

“No it's not like we exchanged numbers anyway so...” 

“Maybe something is wrong” she tries to defend his case 

“Or maybe he didn’t want to see me and I made a stupid bold move”  you feel your cheeks burning from embarrassment 

“I really don’t think that’s it Rio is very blunt I'm sure he wouldn't do something like that” she counters 

“Well here I am Carolann getting on the red line to go home” 

She sighed 

“My phones gonna cut off I’ll just text you okay?”

“Okay”  

You opt  to not text her when you get home because even though she meant well the sting of him flaking on you and having to discuss it was too much 

You decide maybe a movie and fat snacks will help lighten your mood and also keep you from overthinking the situation. During the movie you felt your phone vibrate indicating a call and when you flipped it over to see an unknown number

You don't know who it is so you hit ignore, you never picked up unknown calls, something you learned from Preston, your phone vibrates again and like before the number flashes on the screen and you do the same as before but this time putting your phone on mute. You think nothing of it and chuck the night as a failed attempt to “get back out there” 

Because you know he is a frequent face at Carol’s you avoid them all together. Carol does invite you over but you just decided to not go, you didn’t want him there existing rubbing your face in it. 

~~~~~The next time you see Rio is at the Whole Foods with his son Marcus. 

You turn down the aisle that has baking ingredients and you don’t see him at first because you were both at opposite ends but you do hear him 

“Which one do you want? What do you think your classmates will like?” 

“Chocolate!” you hear Marcus respond, he was a cute little boy you think to yourself, 

“Okay what icing?” 

You feel stuck, you can't go forward nor can you move back because there is someone right behind you so you try to turn your body to face the oils section, which is right near the cake and cupcake pans, you move methodologically as slow as possible. 

“Chocolate!” 

Because he is so caught up in the cake mixes he doesn't see you, your plan was working 

“Excuse me”  the lady behind you says causing Rio to look up 

You quickly move out of the way and squat down to avoid him seeing you 

However his attention is now on the cake cupcake molds and there's no avoiding it, him, plus this was silly you think to yourself, if you tried to avoid him, he would know.  So you take a deep sigh and stand up 

“Hi!” you greet 

He looks up at you and smiles “oh hey! I didn't see you there!” 

Yea kind of the point you think to yourself “Yea” you put whatever it is that you picked up, which you had planned to tell them you changed your mind at checkout,  and continue to awkwardly look at whatever's in front of you. You can feel him staring at you, you hated it, you turn to face him once again “Well it was nice seeing you i gotta run” 

“Sure...sure...” you go to walk away when you hear him speak  “Actually i have a question”

“Okay” 

“My bad, this is Marcus my son, Marcus this is Miss. Y/N” he smiles as he looks between you two

“Hi!”  you wave at him “It’s nice to meet you Marcus!”

“Nice to meet you too Miss. Y/N” 

He turns to face you “My kid’s classmates are having a bake off and” he chuckles I don't know do you think they would like chocolate?”  

“Every kid likes chocolate but you can try something different!” you suggest as you motion towards the cake mixes 

“Like what?” he asks as he follows your lead 

“Uh”  you look at the cake mixes like  “butter pecan! (you pick up the box) or uh oooh strawberry with cream cheese icing (you reach for the icing) I guarantee they’ll like it ,I'm sure there will be enough chocolate to go around!”  

He takes the items from you and even though you are talking about a bake off it seems like he is focused on you or maybe what's on your face you feel very self conscious now, that man could win a staring contest, a lazy smile appears on his face “thanks”

You smile back instinctively “Yea yea! any time, do you need anything else?”

“Nah think I’m good” 

“Okay! Well I’ll see you around!” 

Once again you retreat back into your hole in the wall and avoid going to Carol’s. Although Rio had told her he ran into you and she called you soon after wanting to know how that interaction went and all you had to say was whatever he said is what happened because you didn't want to jump to conclusions. 

~~~~~~~You take a deep breath as you look at Carol’s front door. Today was her birthday party and although William had tried to convince her to throw a big bash at a venue she insisted on being at her home around friends and family. Luckily for you, there’s a lot of people there. So blending into the crowd isn’t a hard thing to do. There was loud music accompanied with loud chatter and laughter! You place your gift at the makeshift gift table and glide along through the mini crowd. You find your way towards the bar. 

“HEEEY Y/Ns HERE!” William greets you leaning in for a hug 

You cringe you didn’t want him to be loud you could feel Rio lurking somewhere in the corner “Hey Will!” 

“What can I get you?” “Uh got wine?” “Plenty! Red or white? “White!” 

“Here you go! Carol’s somewhere if you follow the loud laughter I’m sure you’ll find her!”

“Okay great thanks!” 

“Yea! Enjoy your time! We have caterers they are setting up! Plenty of food, drinks, snacks! Make yourself at home!”

You take a deep breath and smile. All you needed to do was say ‘Hi’ to Carolann wish her a happy birthday and leave

You didn’t do well in crowds like this, your social anxiety disorder is not helping, you continue to practice your deep breathing and push your way through some spaces, when you finally catch up with Carolann. You tap her lightly on the shoulder which causes her to whip around! 

“OH Y/N, Thank you for coming!” 

“Yea you’re welcome Happy Birthday!” you give her a loving hug 

“Oh 50 years young can’t you tell?” she jokes 

“You’re aging gracefully” 

“Come have a seat!”

“Oh no” you feel yourself getting really anxious all eyes were on you two now 

“No come, come! I was just telling them about that time in Antigua and the octopus. Oh God!” she looks up shaking her head   “You know that story I told you”

“Yea” 

“She was definitely drunk”

Eventually the crowd dissipates  down and it���s just you and her

“So how are you? Been avoiding us?!! Hmm?” You hang your head low before answering “You know why”

“He’s barely been around plus i talked to him!”

“You what?!” “I talked to him!”

“Oh my god!” 

“What? He needed to know what he did was wrong”

“Carolann! I don’t need you to do that for me!”

“Well I had to speak up Y/N”

You shake your head in disbelief

“That same night I gave him a talking to and he asked for your number to make it up.” 

“Ohhh” you remember that strange number calling 

“He’s here you know” she says looking around

You prayed that she wouldn’t spot him “I know” 

“He’s been asking about you too” 

You cut your eyes at her “no he hasn’t” “Believe what you want,” she shrugs “but everytime he stops by your name leaves his mouth” “Thats bullsh....” before you can finish you’re interrupted 

“CAROLANN AS I LIVE AND BREATH!!!”

“OH MY GOD!! SHANNON LOOK AT YOU!!” She jumps to her feet

This gives you the perfect excuse to leave. You had accomplished what you needed to, learned some new unnecessary information that you would have been perfectly fine without, you drank your drink, time to go home. You excuse yourself and place the glass in the kitchen and make your way towards the door. 

You're just at the door when you feel someone grab at your arm lightly, causing you to whip around it was Rio 

“OH Heyyy!” 

“Hey leaving so soon?” “Uh yea i have things to do” 

He looks at you judgingly “Like what?” 

“Like work stuff” 

Narrowing his eyes he speaks “Right right... but you just got here! not too long ago”

“Uh yea i just wanted to say happy birthday in person” 

He smiles and looks back at the crowd before looking at you “you got time to talk?” he asks as he closes the door behind him

“Yea!” Your stomach feels like it's doing flips 

“So about the other drink date”

“It’s okay no need to explain, I’m sure you got busy” 

“Nah i kinda need to tho’” 

“Okay”

“I got caught up, we should have probably exchanged numbers, I didn’t mean to, I was actually looking forward to it”

“You were??”

He chuckles at your facial expression “Yea! Why wouldn’t I be?” You feel yourself blush “umm...” 

“Anyway i called you and you didn't pick up”

“Does your number begin with 540?”

“Yea” 

“Sorry i don't pick up unknown numbers”

“Cool” he pulls out his cellphone “I just texted you so now you can save it” You feel your phone vibrate “thanks!” 

“So uh how bout another date?”

“Same place?”

He shrugs “I don’t mind, sure, get to explore Chicago more, What day?”

“Friday?” “I can make that work, same time?”

“Yea, works for me” 

“See you then?” He puts his hand on your shoulder

“Sure!” 

He smiles “see you later mama”  before he goes back inside 

[yeoldontknow]

🖊writerly conversation tag

tagged by @j-pping to do this amazing interview/reflections tag. of course she put together one of the most amazing tags ever because she is brilliant. thank you for tagging me angel! 

questions below the cut!

2020

what was the most challenging part of writing this year?

gosh...i think for me the hardest bit was staying both motivated and inspired. a lot of my inspiration comes from being out in the world. im an introvert but i enjoy being out in the city around the noise and the people and the buildings on my own. the majority of my writing used to be done while riding the subway or on a weekend after id gone out somewhere. a lot of my fics are inspired by locations, and experiences within those locations. being inside for the majority of the year made it hard for me to remember how...people interact with or relate to the spaces around them. so i felt like a lot of the time staying inspired was coming from places within just me that felt inauthentic. i think my writing benefits from my ability to see multiple perspectives, so i felt like a lot of dialogue or writing itself was suffering just coming from me alone. it took a lot of work to ensure that it wasnt like that. 

and then, motivation was also so hard. the internet and the news and everything about america, the planet, the everything was unrelenting and draining. we as people were privy to so much trauma this year, to the collapse and fracture of communities, lives, governments. there were several weeks at the end of may and into june where i just...couldnt. i had no energy for anything. it happened again in november after the election and the windfall of it. energetic tensions were so high it just felt so hard to push out words when things were breaking everywhere. like there were more important things i needed to focus on, and healing was one of them.

what was the most enjoyable/rewarding part of writing this year?

i enjoyed the new community of writers/friends i found by writing for bts again. they challenged me and pushed me to better myself. @jamaisjoons is so inspirational in the way she generates community and encourages relationships between storytellers. doing the summer bucket list pushed me out of my hermit hole for camp nano, and i cranked out molotov cocktail and felt so proud of it. it mattered so much to me because it was the first long thing id written after a period of feeling deceased, and it was so enjoyable because there was a sense of community around it. its easy to forget how essential having a support system in your creative community is.

what piece has left the most impact on you and why?

probably ciperion. words cannot express how proud i am of that story and the direction its going in. i read it back sometimes and i realize that my writing was elevated because of that piece. tbh molotov was responsible for that lift, but ciperion was just a whole other tier. ive also never written anything like that story before and it felt so good exploring the themes of seafaring and pirates. 

what have you learned about yourself through the process of writing in the past year?

that i absolutely am someone who took for granted how inspiring the world is even if i see it as a stressor. but also that writing isnt necessarily about being inspired. its about pushing on when its hard. some of my best pieces came from that kind of push this year. 2020 felt like...a slog through most of it, but i kept pushing myself to write even when i was low and tired. i realized that some of my best writing comes from that push, when its not easy and when its difficult and i have to think harder. thats where i grow. 

how has your writing changed in the past year? how have you grown?

i think im more syntax and detailed focused than i used to be. lately ive been experimenting with making the act of reading feel like pleasure. my favourite books are the ones where i read a sentence, and im moved because it felt nice to read or it felt powerful. the sentence itself had power, not the image it was trying to convey. somehow separate, if that makes sense. theres a lot i need to learn before i could go off comfortably and try to write a book, and this is what ive been trying to master. my attention to detail has grown, and sometimes i think thats a detriment. i think sometimes im too detailed and i dont leave my reader enough power on their own. im still finding that balance, but i think im pleased right now with what im trying to push myself to master.

2021

ignoring your wips for a second, if you had all the time and energy in the world to write your magnum opus piece, what would it be about? why is that the dream story you’d write, all other things controlled for?

ive had two books in my mind forever. one was originally being written as a fanfic in a different fandom before i stopped and realized its too big and so much more important, and is worth being a book id like to write. if i wrote an opus like this it would actually be a book id submit to publishers but ~

- hundreds of years in the future, society has learned how to cure most diseases. for those we cannot, the sick person can be cryogenically frozen for a period of time until a cure is found. there is, however, a limit to the length of time they are frozen. no one has ever been frozen for over 100 years, and the main character is a scientist embarking on the experiment to do just that. it is, effectively, time travel. the main character is rash, selfish, sarcastic - not a very nice person; invested in their work and science and little else. they freeze themselves and wake up in the future. during their time in rehab they have to confront the horror theyve made of themselves, the horror people have made of the future, learn to be vulnerable. they end up falling in love with another scientist etc etc. theres so much more to this story and the world is enormous. one day ill revisit it

- a fictional play on orpheus in the underworld where a female main character’s brother was sold by their mother to the goddess of the underworld (helena instead of hades) for eternal youth. the gods all live in a hotel (the concept of this main thing is being used in elysian fields but its not remotely the same) after they were removed from the heavens. main character (ophelia) must gather several totems from the gods to prove her worth and survive her trip into the underworld to rescue him. id like to not focus on a woman finding romance, and instead a woman finding herself, her strength, her devotion to family, her power, and connecting with her history.

how do you want to grow in your writing this year?

this year id like to find balance, like i mentioned above, with my need for detail and my trust in my readers. the balance between detail and dialogue. i want to try to condense my writing again so not everything is a goddamn series. the ideas i have are huge and thats great but i need to remember how to parse things again, while still maintaining impact.

what’s one thing you’d wish to see in the fan-writing community this year?

i want more community, in general. as a multi fan, i see pockets in the kpop fandom where it exists and im well and truly aware that its recently become incredibly hard to foster on the exo side. ill just say that. maybe i dont witness it or its happening amongst blogs i havent found or have not found me. i want to see less dialogue about ‘popular blogs,’ whatever that means; less focus on notes; less worries about statistics. i want people to remember that fandom is not about numbers, and the moment you make it about that is the moment you stop having fun. i want less fear from writers regarding sharing work they read and liked, less shame around it. i want to see more vocal communication for the things people like and don’t like, more engagement and more interaction. the concept of popular blogs is so ridiculous to me, because no one has any control over the metrics. no one has control over who follows them or reads their work except the person doing the actual reading. i want people to realize they hold so much power - a person with 10k notes has as much power as a person with 2 notes because sharing is what fosters community. i want this fandom to remember to share again.

name one new thing you want to try doing in your writing this year.

gosh i really love postmodernism in writing. think like mark z danielewski, who plays with the shapes of words or the act of holding a book - the physicality of it. id like to maybe write a choose your own adventure, or do something that encompasses multiple platforms. or even, more importantly, finish as still as sound and time runner. those are more reasonable goals. time runner actually is done, i just need to stop pressuring myself about it and edit it to get it up. asas, too, is largely done i just need to get my ass together. i have so many other ideas no one has ever seen i need to finish what ive started. thats a real goal.

tagging: @yehet-me-up @jamaisjoons @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @luffles424 @yoonia @shadowsremedy @chillingkoo @onherwings @inkedtae @ninibears-erigom @imdifferentshadesofpurple @readyplayerhobi @ditzymax @sugaurora @snackhobi @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @johobi and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if comfortable or you want to!

[presentmicsongbird]

Yandere!Miriko x reader

It started out small. Little gifts, knick-knacks, and fancy jewelry started showing up on your desk almost every day for the past 5 months. At the very least, you were confused, but you did appreciate the gesture. It just bummed you out that you didn't know who kept sending them, none of the items ever came with a card, or even an initial.

However, there was one thing that that they all had in common: they all had some sort of bunny rabbit design. The first gift you recieved happened after you came back from a cafe you visited regularly for lunch. 

A small white box tied with a purple silk ribbon, no bigger than your palm, sat in front of your computer. You looked around to see if anyone would come by and tell you it was theirs or was about to tell you it was from them, but it never happened. 

Shifting your attention back to the box, you carefully picked it up and inspected it, wondering if it was a prank, but you shook your head, deciding it was a ridiculous thought. You pulled on the ribbon and opened the lid, immediately turning your eyes into saucers at the item inside.

A small diamond encrusted pendant in a shape of a bunny head rested on top of a velvet colored foam, a pair of carefully cut amethyst gems, as its eyes, gleamed while your mouth gaped open and closed. 

This thing must've cost a fortune. 

You lifted it off the box and out followed a thin silver chain, looking just as expensive as the pendant. You couldn't believe it, there had to be some sort of mistake. You weren't very popular at work, in fact, you mostly kept to yourself and got the job done in record time. Sure you were praised by your boss and a few of your friends, but you doubt any of them would go this far for your "good job." 

 You snapped out of your thoughts and put the necklace back in its box, carefully placing it in a drawer before finishing the rest of the paper work piled on your desk. You'll wait a few days and see if anyone would come and get it. Until then, you'd rather not take the risk of being called a thief. 

The next day rolled by, and to your surprise, another white box sat in front of your computer, this time it was a rectangular box with a purple rose at the corner, slightly bigger than the one you got yesterday. You asked the other staff if they'd seen  who dropped it off, but they all said no. 

You sat down and opened the box, this time it was a fluffy white bunny keychain with a purple ribbon wrapped around its neck. And just like the pendant, its eyes were an amethyst color. You sighed and checked the box again to see if there was a note, but to no avail. You looked back at the bunny and gently pet its head, the corners of your mouth curving slightly at how soft it was. It may have been strange, but you'd be lying if you said it wasn't cute. 

This continued on for a while, the anonymous gifts came everyday as usual, and somewhere along the second or third week, you had decided to wear the necklace and hang the keychain on the zipper of your bag, earning a handful of comments saying how lucky you were or asking who the secret admirer was. You simply smiled and gave a small shrug. The gifts ranged from gel pens, headbands, bunny labels, (which became incredibly useful for your notes and binders), and, one time, even a assortment basket with chocolate bunnies and flowers. 

This, of course, also started up some rumors saying that you were in charge of all the gifts and sent it to yourself to get attention. You couldn't even if you wanted to, you worked in the financial department sure, but the pay wasn't that high that you can buy gifts everyday. 

You were able to convince a majority of the employees, but a few of the bratty ones stuck around and would occasionally give out snide remarks or jealous glances your way. Even so, you chose to ignore them since they didn't really get in the way of your work. Plus, with the gifts instantly making your day and never failing to make you go home with a smile, it seemed like there was nothing that could go wrong.

you really wished you had knocked on wood.

On a particular day, you were on your desk finishing the financial report for this year, gently tapping your (newly gifted) bunny pen against your desk,  until one of the female workers decided to "accidentally" spill her cup of hot coffee on your lap. Naturally, you let out a shriek that alerted everyone in proxmity and soon your were covered in paper towels and icepacks.

You looked up in tears and saw it was  one of the girls from the general office. You didn't remember her name, but you knew the red hair and the three scales on her cheek. She was one of the workers who cursed at you under her breath. She was standing a few feet away from your desk, her empty cup still in her hand. 

"What the hell is your deal?!" One of your friends yelled. The woman scoffed and rolled her eyes. 

"My deal? My deal is the unfair treatment in this damn place!"

What

It wasn't your fault that you kept recieving gifts, and they never have notes on them so couldn't return them even if you wanted. (Not that you ever would.) You had learned to like the gifts, though creepy at first, they seemed like a kind enough gesture. You broke away from your thoughts once the woman started screaming again. 

"We're here working our arses off, but SHE gets all these things EVERYDAY and for what? For counting a few bucks? Puh-lease. Any idiot can do-" 

"ENOUGH!" You all turned your heads to the booming voice and saw your boss standing by the doorway. His usually friendly smile was gone and replaced with a thin line and his arms crossed. He turned to you and to the red haired woman.

"You, in my office now." 

"Bu-" he cut her off. 

"Now." She scurried off, but not before giving me one last hateful glance and left. "The rest of you make sure (y/n) is okay. (Y/N)," 

You were still trembling, but the pain subsided after the burn cooled down. Thankgoodness you chose to wear pants today. With a shaky breath you managed to say quiet "yes?" 

"If you're feeling better, feel free to go home for the day. The report can be handed in next week." And with that, he turned around and left. The ones that were helping you cool down sighed in relief and started asking if your were alright, a few individuals walking away to throw the damp towels in the trash. You nodded meekly and managed a smile. 

"Yeah, it just....surprised me that's all." They all gave you apologetic looks as they went back to their own desks, one by one. Your friend, the one who yelled at the red haired woman, placed her hand on your shoulder and handed you another icepack. 

"Don't worry, she'll be out of this place for good. You know how the boss gets  when it comes to stuff like this." 

"I guess." You replied. 

"You think your secret admirer will hear about this?" Oh gods, you really wished he or she wouldn't. Its troublesome enough that you got gifts everyday, you wouldn't want them to bother with a mere bully. You were a grown woman, you could handle this much without causing a bigger scene. 

"I hope not." 

----------------

You left the office after getting a spare change of clothes from your friend. Thankfully, the report you had to do had only one more calculation so you didn't need to worry about rushing.

As you laid in bed clutching your big stuffed toy rabbit. (A gift from last week) You began to wonder who this mysterious admirer really was, were they playing with you? What was it about you that caught their attention? Have you met before? 

Questions filled your head for what felt like hours until the buzzing of the dryer downstairs signaled you clothes to be all clean and ready to be worn again. You took it out of the machine and ironed it quickly, carefully placing it on a hanger to be used tomorrow. You were too tired to pick out a new uniform, this one will do. Right now, all you needed was sleep. 

"This just in: two boys find a corpse inside a dumpster. Investigators suggest a potential homicide by unknown assailant.” 

The reporter on the TV gestured behind her as medical teams tried to make sense of the dead body. Its face was completely bashed it, you could barely recognize its features. Its hair looked as if it were burned off and all thats left were burnt scabs left in patches. 

"Geez, so early in the morning and this happens? What a mood killer." Your friend rolled her eyes and leaned back over her desk to finish her work. 

Against almost everyone's wishes, you decided to come to work the next day as well as hand it your report. It was boring not having to do anything at home so you chose work instead. Besides, it's Friday, no way were you going to break your weekly self-treats. 

"Seriously, y/n, you're too stiff. You know what people here would give for a three day weekend?" You giggled at her frustration. It's not your fault you couldn't sit still for more than 2 seconds. 

"Oh by the way, did you get a new gift today from your admirer?" 

Ah yes...how could you have possibly forgotten. 

You took out a white and sparkly paper bag from under your desk and showed it to her.

"Yup." You dug through the papers and pulled out a purple wallet with a white bunny in the corner. You "awed" before moving all your credit cards and wallets from your old purse to your new gift. Before you could get started on your paperwork, you friend called out.

"Hey check this out." You looked over and saw a card in her hand...

Oh crap...no way. That's an actual card. 

You quickly snatched the folded paper and read it over once. Twice. There was no mistake on what was on it. 

"I'm sorry about what happened yesterday, little bunny. Rest assured, the brat won't bother you anymore.   -R.U" 

What the heck? How did they even know about that? And R.H? You didn't recognize the initials. Maybe someone talked about it outside of work...Yea that's a good reason. 

"Huh, makes sense." 

"What does?" 

"Haven't you heard? The girl who spilled her coffee on you was fired yesterday." Well that explains a few things. 

The day went by rather quickly, and before you knew it everyone was packing up their stuff and heading home. You on the other hand went to your favorite coffee shop.

As soon as you paid and left with your drink, you followed your usual route home, thankful for the peaceful night.

You spoke too soon, apparently.

After the train stopped at your station, a few gun men tool all exiting passengers as hostage including yourself. 

You just couldn't catch a break, could you. You clutched your bag tightly against your chest, glancing down at the bunny keychain hanging from the zipper. 

You couldn't die here. Not now, not when you haven't met your admirer yet, not when you haven't said thank you.  

As you cradled the keychain in your palm, you could've sworn its eyes glowed, though you were probably just scared out of your mind.

As if answering your prayers, a voice called out from the other platform. 

"Lookie what we got here, a bunch kids wanting to play villains. You picked a wrong day to piss me off." 

Miriko! The bunny hero! Thank the gods. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, a smug grin on her face as she continued to taunt your captors. 

Before they could get a word out, three men were knocked to the ground, and two more followed after. 

"Hey you!" You looked up at the last masked man standing and gulped. He pulled your arm up and held a gun to your temple. "A-Alright, Hero, you think you're tough, huh?" Take one more step and i shoot this girl's head to bits!"  

You saw Miriko standing a few feet away, it could've been your imagination, but you thought you saw her eyes darken as she growled, getting into a fighting stance. 

"Im warning you!" He dug his fingers deeper in, making you cry out. Before you could blink, you heard a sharp grunt before getting pulled into a plush chest. You blushed knowing who it belonged to. 

"Yeah, right, warnings shwarnings, tell it to the cops, you bastard." 

With all the gun men down, everyone cheered for the Bunny hero's rescue, thankful for their lives being saved.

You, on the other hand were still in Miriko's arms, and from the way they held you, she didn't seem to have the intention of letting go. Slowly you pried yourself away and bowed, saying your thanks as well before turning to to go home. But before you could, you felt arm on your shoulder.

"Wait just a second here, miss. Are you sure you're alright going home by yourself? That was a pretty scary thing back there." You simply smiled and nodded. 

"Y-yes. Thank you for your concern Miriko-san, but i'll be okay." 

"Alright, but just to be safe, i'm escorting you home." 

Wait...what? 

"No-really, i'm fine you don’t have t-" she cut off with a loud laugh. 

"Haha no need to be shy now, i'm a hero, it's my job. It's no trouble at all, uh.." 

"Y/n." You said quickly.

"Y/n. Pretty name you got." You turned your head to hide a blush. 

“Oh, and might this little one be yours?” 

You turned your head and saw the bunny keychain in her hand. You glanced at the empty zipper and back to the hero. You didn’t even realize it dropped. 

“Y-Yes, I didn’t even notice...thank you.” You gently took it from her hand and tucked it in your bag. You’ll fix it later. 

"Cute...Alright y/n, let's get you home." 

True to her word, she followed you all the way to your apartment, fortunately just to the front lobby. You didn't want all the attention on you. 

"W-well, here's my stop." You turned around and bowed your head. "Thank you again Ms. Miriko."

"And I told you, no problem. I'd do it a hundred times if i had too, doll." You blushed at the pet name, but said nothing as you got on the elevator and giving the bunny hero one last glance.

You’ve been staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours now, but it was hard getting the pro-hero's face out of your head. Her proud smile, her strong arms, the way she held you while shielding your body away from your attacker. It felt so...so...surreal. 

You sighed and closed your eyes. With the events still fresh in your head, you slept with a smile on your face, unaware of the amber eyes watching you from outside.   

——

You were absolutely gorgeous, the moment she first laid eyes on you, she knew you were hers. You’ve already met a few months back, when she caught you before face-planting with the concrete. 

Your clumsiness had a bit of a charm, (who wouldn’t be in heels?) you were small, and short....

Vulnerable....

Before she could say another word, you had said your thanks and ran off into the building you were in front of. She was in her casual clothes so you must’ve not recognized her. 

It’s fine...she’ll just have to find another method. 

“I wonder if you like bunnies.” Miriko smirked before heading the other direction, a plan in her head. 

It took some strings and a few calls, but she finally got your schedule and info. She was really glad when she saw you using your gifts everyday. The necklace looked amazing on your neck. 

News travelled fast and so did gossip. That little wench had the guts to hurt you...

You...her mate...her little snowflake...

It took everything in Miriko to not kick everything in her office...

No...it’s fine...

She just needed to have a friendly talk...

Of course it made the news the next day, but she was quick and made sure no tracks were left behind. She will make  sure no one will hurt you again. She’ll have eyes and ears everywhere, including hers.

Perhaps it’s time to take you home...

You need to repay her for those gifts after all. 

[zombieratt]

Alright so forewarning this is LONG as FUCK specifically because i came up with this idea in early high school and was just today POSESSEd By the Spirit Of Musical Theatre to put it to paper— er Tumblr.

So without further ado:

DEAR EVAN HANSEN BUT EVAN ISNT A TERRIBLE PERSON AND CONNOR LIVES.

the beginning is the same, canon diverges just after waving through a window.

*this ended up getting written is script format? i also just sorta ignore alana’s whole exsistance bc in this version of the play she’s unnecessary*

In the moments before he talks to Connor evan decides to omit Zoe from his letter, having resolved himself to move on from her. (instead of being a hella creep.)

Connor: “dear Evan Hansen,” what are you writing letters to yourself? *he laughs*

Evan: its, uh, its for my therapist. its just a stupid little assignment that she says is supposed to help me process my feelings or— uh or something

Connor: hm. here. * hands Evan the letter*

Connor: your cast. no one’s signed it.

Evan: uh no. no one has.

Connor: gotta sharpie?

Evan: huh?

Connor: gotta sharpie? im gonna sign it.

Evan: *handing the sharpie to Connor* w- whuh uh why?

Connor: *shrugs* feels right.

Evan: i wish i could do that

Connor: what?

Evan: UH, IMEAN—

Connor: no wait- dude.

Evan: i mean uh, i meant that i wish i could just be, y’know impulsive like that.

Connor: Why Cant you be?

Evan: i uh, my heads pretty messed up, and stuff like that just, makes it worse i guess.

Connor: well theres some thing we have in common— were both fucked up in the head.

*the bell rings*

Evan: oh shoot! i missed the bus—

Connor: i’ll give you a ride.

Evan: are you sure i mean i can walk its not far-

Connor: all the more reason, i probably have to pass it on my way home anyway, cmon.

——

they meet Zoe in the parking lot

Zoe: I have Late practice today

Connor: whatever, gotta passenger.

Zoe: who the fuck would be crazy enough to trust your ability to drive?

Evan *being Brave*: Me Apparently?

Zoe: Uh, Evan Right?

Evan: yeah, uh, yeah.

Zoe *holding her hand out to be shaken*: i’m Zoe, we’ve met though right?

Evan wipes his hand on his shirt and shakes it: yeah, uh, nice to formally meet you, Zoe.

Zoe: i’m off, don’t kill him stoner.

Connor: i wont Princess

Evan breathing heavy: that was,, an eventful ten minutes.

Connor: oh fuck— you cool? or—

Evan: Panic Attack.

Connor: Right, uh

Connor: can you get in the car?

Evan: yeah

*car nonsense*

Connor: Can i start driving or do you want me to wait

Evan: Distractions are good,, Can Uh, Can you Talk about Stuff?

Connor: What stuff!??

Evan: any Stuff!

Connor: Is Zoe okay??

Evan: Sure?!

Connor: Uhh we don’t get along as well as we used to?

we were really close as kids, shes a huge asshole now but *fully venting now*

i kind of miss it you know? having someone to talk to and care about— and i still care about her— but its scary and i always fuck it up! not to mention the fact that our parents hate me— make her see me as some alien and not just a fucked up kid who wants to talk and — (more ranting that i dont feel like writing, but its a whole monologue bro)

Evan: Connor

Connor snaps his mouf shut: yeah

Evan: thanks

Connor: oh that, uh actually helped?

Evan: yeah focusing on your voice and whats real and stuff— it makes a difference.

Neither of them noticed that Connor was just sort of Driving. they end up at the park where in canon Connor commits Sewer-slide.

Evan: i didn’t know there was a park here.

Connor: huh, oh, yeah i guess i just sorta auto piloted, i come here to think.

Evan: About stuff?

Connor: Yeah, Stuff.

*the convo lulls*

Connor: do you have a laptop?

Evan: no, i uh, i left it at home? why?

Connor: give me a second

Connor walks to the car and grabs his back pack out of the back seat

Evan watches Quizzically from the swing-set

Connor pulls out a Sketch Pad and Pen, flipping to a clean page.

Connor: So tell me how to write one of those letters of yours.

Evan: uh, well you start like any other letter- just addressing it to yourself

Connor writing: Dear Connor Murphy,

Evan: and uh, my first one was supposed to be about my ideal summer vacation? since i started in middle school- but you don’t have to—

Connor: thats perfect.

Connor starts to sing for forever,

eventually Evan joins in there is a minor gay moment where they’re holding hands face to face.

the song ends with Connor hugging Evan.

Evan: its- its pretty late.

Connor obviously crying: just— just a couple more minutes.

Evan lets go and grabs Connors sketch book of the ground, closing it and handing it off to him: then how about this, labor day weekend- we actually go.

Connor: what are you talking about?

Evan: being spontaneous?

Connor: o-okay.

and it cuts to black.

theres a small montage here, as the set changes to Connor and Evans bedrooms

sincerely, me is a lament in this context, Connor and Evan are duetting from their respective rooms, writing to themselves.

(the lyrics are completely different and i will not be writing them here because thats too much fucking effort.

but they’re duetting from their bedrooms about making a connection to another person, feeling seen, for the first time. what it felt like and how they really want to keep it up but are afraid of making a mistake and ruining it.

its got some themes of waving thru a window, and a little bit of for forever, but its still largely the same notes just in a different key.)

after wards, Zoe knocks on Connors door to tell him dinner is ready to find him peacefully asleep.

requiem is the same, Zoe sees Connor as Dead to Her instead of actually dead, so some of the wording changes, so and so about how a monster doesn’t deserve peaceful rest etcetera.

school day happens, Connor doesn’t die, but the hot goss is that everyone saw Connor and Evan go home together after school, jared makes a shitty homophobic joke to Evan and Evan kind of tells him off about it. they argue and it culminates in Evan saying “well god forbid I’m friends with someone who isn’t YOU!” or smth like tht and it hits jared right the fuck at home man.

Connor says from the side lines: damn that was pretty hard core dude.

Evan: you have, no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that.

Connor honest to god l a u g h s, theres a number of people who hear it and lose their shit, Zoe being one of them: i have a pretty good idea, wanna get some lunch?

Evan: yeah, sure.

this general routine continues until labor day weekend, when they plan to go on their little escape. theres a short scene of Connor leaving the house with his keys and a backpack.

Connors mom confronts Zoe about his oddly upbeat attitude and hows he’s seemed differently lately Zoe Shrugs but decides to investigate his room.

she finds the letters. the first one is for forever, the theme plays as she reads it frantically, and is signed “Sincerely me (connor murphy)” so she knows its him, i f i could tell her begins but its a real duet between Connor and Zoe and at the end she resolves to try harder to connect to him.

Evan sings disappear to Connor after breaking into a formerly public park, in this context its him confessing that he broke his arm attempting su!c!de. Connor records it, for personal reference.

jared hacks Connors phone and steals the video, posting it to yt, in an effort to ruin their friendship.

Evan and Connor get in a little fight about it, and in the meantime Evan is called to the school to give an assembly because hes a phenomenal speaker and Disappear got like 1000000 views over night.

Zoe and Connor bond a little bit in a short scene before the assembly

Zoe: wheres Evan what happened?

Connor: Kleinman Did!

Zoe: what?

Connor: Why Do you care?

Zoe: because! you look happy around him!

Connor: i, i do?

Zoe: yeah? he could tell the worst joke ever written and you’d crack up. i haven’t heard you laugh like that in years Connor, maybe ever.

Connor: oh.

Zoe: Come back inside?

Connor: y, Yeah.

they all perform You Will Be Found together.

end act 1.

(no more dialogue from here i got tired)

to break in a glove is Connor’s dad trying to reconnect with him, it goes mediocrely, but Connor feels like hes being seen by his dad for the first time in years. its said in metaphors, but this is Connors dads way of saying that if Connor is willing to put in the work, so is he. they hug at the end, things are looking up. some talk of therapy is sprinkiled in the dialogue as they walk of stage together.

Only Us is Evan and Connor saying that they saved each other. its loosely romantic, as its a love song, but they don’t out right say that they’re in love or anything, they don’t know if theyre ready for that. its a promise. the song ends with Connor finally apologizing for pushing Evan over at the beginning of the show.

good for you is sung by jared only, as a power ballad, about losing people you didn’t treasure. its his attempt at an apology, but it ultimately fails, since jared is unable to take responsibility for his own actions. this is where jared and Evan go their separate ways.

Evan’s mom comforts him, as he sings words fail, which is about specifically jared, and how their rocky friendship is ruined and Evan pegs himself as the cause, instead of parents or perfect girl he uses metaphors that apply to best friends— maybe more. and talks about how he didn’t try, he was happy so he ignored that jared was hurting, and how that was really shitty of him. but instead of it being a generally somber song the end is lighter, because Connor is there— waving through his front window.

Evans mom sings So Big/So Small as Evan steps out the front door to embrace Connor and they mime talking about jared, hug and take hands. the house moves off stage in preparation for the finale.

Connor and Evan open the finale saying each others names, and sing it together as the test of the cast (minus jared) joins in, Evans mom taking his hand and Zoe Taking Connors, Evans mom the Murphys and Zoe break off to the back where Evan and Connor finish the final “all i see is sky for forever” while looking into each others eyes, and finish the musical by embracing (maybe kissing if thats ur jam).