#i think everyone is guilty of this including me

[crwbannwen]

I was writing this in the tags but I have too much to say.

So this absolutely. Don’t unwelsh my Mari Lwyd please and thank you

BUT I’d like to add some more:

As someone completely guilty of using the phrase ‘Welsh rap battle’ over pwnco. It’s because it’s one, a joke phrase I used to use even before it became more widely recognised, and two a more understandable concept I can explain to people without boring them with rhyme and meter.

I love my rhyme and meters, so trust me I knew how the pwnco worked when I use this phrase. I like saying ‘Welsh Rap Battle’ because I think it’s funny and emphasises how cool and charming I find my own cultural tradition to an English speaking person who wouldn’t know the tradition. It’s good to alter your language for people’s ease of understanding, it’s unfortunate that the joke caught on to people who don’t understand the pwnco. (And there is a limit to changing your language: it eventually does become altering something important too much for someone’s benefit).

I will also note here, while I use the phrase ‘Welsh rap battle’ to reinforce that I like the tradition, I also know people who were ashamed of the culture and tradition and used that phrase to make fun of the dead singing horse (same issue with Scots being called a dialect: cultural shame is a big issue in Wales even if we don’t think it is). Now the tradition is being reclaimed I doubt those people still see it as something to be ashamed of. But it’s something to keep in mind when using that phrase. Intentions do vary.

But my main point I wanted to adress:

Dysgais i Cymraeg fel iaith yn ail felly dw i ddim yn siarad cymraeg yn digon rhugl i fyrfyfyrio pwnco. Dw i’n gallu creu cerdd gydag amser ond beth am y bobl (cymreig) sydd ddim yn gallu siarad cymraeg o gwbl?

So while we don’t want to remove the Welsh from our tradition, we definitely don’t want to make the tradition inaccessible to our own people.

Learning a language is difficult. The education system sucks. Welsh second language a level is torture (I’d know, I did it. Average AS result in my class was a U, it was that awful). And not everyone has the means or the opportunity to learn Welsh so we should take care never to ostracise our own people. It’s more than unfortunate that we don’t all have a good grasp on the language. So having a set Cân-y-Fari that non-speakers or dysgwyr can learn and recite helps to both immerse them in Welsh and includes them in their own culture. Same with having art or an aesthetic. Maybe you can’t speak Welsh: but you can draw. That gives you a way to celebrate your culture still and I think that’s awesome. Even in English I couldn’t improvise a poem with a strict meter. The actual tradition of the Mari Lwyd is a seemingly unattainable level of fluency to most dysgwyr.

Obviously this still needs to coexist with the original Welsh tradition (not necessarily art though, if it’s a drawing of a Mari Lwyd then it’s a drawing of a Mari Lwyd. In my opinion art doesn’t need words unless the artist wants to add words). Traditions do change and that isn’t always a bad thing. In this case it’s not something we want to do, but it’s something we need to consider doing in order to help the non-Welsh speakers and dysgwyr be included in their culture.

There is an even larger issue here to be addressed with how we treat our own people as not ‘Welsh’ enough. Especially people who have mixed heritage. There’s a big racism issue that I could unpack here as well where non-white welsh students are made not to feel Welsh enough to deserve to be involved in welsh culture. Which should not happen. Similarly with half English Welshies. We need to stop treating ourselves like we aren’t Welsh enough; it only hurts us to be denied by our own people.

And as for Krampus comparisons, I bonded with a German friend over our different but similarly unique cultural Christmas traditions so I think that’s good too. I guess it’s the simplification of it that’s the problem

So I hate how the Mari Lwyd has been ‘de-welshed’. But personally, the ability for all of Welsh people to have access to it also needs to be considered in this discourse.

Still if the tradition completely shifted to English I would be so livid.

Edit: forgot to say, while I know the Mari Lwyd isn’t a cryptid, it is a cultural creature and I see no issue with people using that aspect of the tradition as a way to connect to it. The tradition isn’t only changing, it’s expanding. We just have to make sure it doesn’t drown out the original tradition

The thing with the Mari Lwyd, though, is that it's being... I don't know, 'appropriated' is the wrong word, but certainly turned into something it isn't.

Thing is, this is a folk tradition in the Welsh language, and that's the most important aspect of it. I feel partly responsible for this, because I accidentally became a bit of an expert on the topic of the Mari Lwyd in a post that escaped Tumblr containment, and I clearly didn't stress it strongly enough there (in my defence, I wrote that post for ten likes and some attention); but this is a Welsh language tradition, conducted in Welsh, using Welsh language poetic forms that are older than the entire English language, and also a very specific sung melody (with a very specific first verse; that's Cân y Fari). It is not actually a 'rap battle'. It's not a recited poem. It is not any old rhyme scheme however you want.

It is not in English.

Given the extensive and frankly ongoing attempts by England to wipe out Welsh, and its attendant cultural traditions, the Mari is being revived across Wales as an act of linguistic-cultural defiance. She's a symbol of Welsh language culture, specifically; an icon to remind that we are a distinct people, with our own culture and traditions, and in spite of everyone and everything, we're still here. Separating her from that by removing the Welsh is, to put it mildly, wildly disrespectful.

...but it IS what I'm increasingly seeing, both online and in real world Mari Lwyd festivals. She's gained enormous pop-culture popularity in recent years, which is fantastic; but she's also been reduced from the tradition to just an aesthetic now.

So many people are talking/drawing about her as though she's a cryptid or a mythological figure, rather than the folk practice of shoving a skull on a stick and pretending to be a naughty horse for cheese and drunken larks. And I get it! It's an intriguing visual! Some of the artwork is great! But this is not what she is. She's not a Krampus equivalent for your Dark Christmas aesthetic.

I see people writing their own version of the pwnco (though never called the pwnco; almost always called some variant on 'Mari Lwyd rap battle'), and as fun as these are, they are never even written in the meter and poetic rules of Cân y Fari, much less in Welsh, and they never conclude with the promise to behave before letting the Mari into the house. The pwnco is the central part to the tradition; this is the Welsh language part, the bit that's important and matters.

Mari Lwyd festivals are increasingly just English wassail festivals with a Mari or two present. The Swansea one last weekend didn't even include a Mari trying to break into a building (insert Shrek meme); there was no pwnco at all. Even in the Chepstow ones, they didn't do actual Cân y Fari; just a couple of recited verses. Instead, the Maris are just an aesthetic, a way to make it look a bit more Welsh, without having to commit to the unfashionable inconvenience of actually including Welsh.

And I don't really know what the answers are to these. I can tell you what I'd like - I'd like art to include the Welsh somewhere, maybe incorporating the first line of Cân y Fari like this one did, to keep it connected to the actual Welsh tradition (or other Welsh, if other phrases are preferred). I'd like people who want to write their version of the pwnco to respect the actual tradition of it by using Cân y Fari's meter and rhyme scheme, finishing with the promise to behave, and actually calling it the pwnco rather than a rap battle (and preferably in Welsh, though I do understand that's not always possible lol). I'd like to see the festivals actually observe the tradition, and include a link on the booking website to an audio clip of Cân y Fari and the words to the first verse, so attendees who want to can learn it ahead of time. I don't know how feasible any of that is, of course! But that's what I'd like to see.

I don't know. This is rambly. But it's something I've been thinking about - and increasingly nettled by - for a while. There's was something so affirming and wonderful at first about seeing the Mari's climb into international recognition, but it's very much turned to dismay by now, because she's important to my endangered culture and yet that's the part that everyone apparently wants to drop for being too awkward and ruining the aesthetic. It's very frustrating.

[archivalofsins]

Haruka, Mu, and Kotoko have been guilty for how long now? The first several prisoners to be guilty have been acquitted under their second ruling for how long? This break has been going on for how long? This post took how long? This is old news-

That doesn't matter. If anyone knows how things work here I always show up several days or months late with snacks. This isn't about my mannerisms though it's about theirs- So, let's talk about the subtleties and nuances of the no longer not so new second karaoke collaboration art in,

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks [Part 2:] Let's Get Dystopian! (Es and Haruka are donewooo- In progress.)

Part 3: A Matter of Restraint (in progress)

Huh, why didn't I talk about it day of? Well I was doing some other things of importance don't worry about it~ Do I have a history of doing anything bad? It's probably nothing. No concern of anyone's.

You have @apatchworkstar and I to thank for the graphics that will be outlining this post. Hope they help with following along.

Now let's start from zero,

00b Es

The protagonist and the audience's vessel. They have no memory. Once they awaken they become a prison guard within Milgram Prison. They have no particular doubts or desires to learn about their origins. They fulfill their role as a prison guard every day as told to by Jackalope. Es interacts with the prisoners to unravel the truth behind the crimes they committed and the reasons for them. In order to discern whether to forgive them or not. They have a delicate and beautiful appearance but their gender is unknown. Height: 157cm (5'1)

There are some things to note about Es' appearance within the new cyberpunk inspired collaboration art. Firstly, Es breaks the mold of their peers by having a color outside of the main one affiliated with them used to emphasize their outfit.

Where staff could have chosen to go with the gold trim of their iconic uniform they instead opted to use the innocent and guilty colors. Leaning heavily onto the guilty color while using the innocent one to accentuate their shoes.

Choosing this color to accent the shoes could be representative of Es' attempts to put their best foot forward throughout the series. Meanwhile their uniform being all red (the guilty color) could represent the trials of the job or Es' changing perspective when it comes to Milgram as a facility.

It no longer having the stunning golden reputation it once had in their eyes. A recognition on some level that what they're doing is dirty work and ultimately may be unhelpful to everyone including themselves. Something that was shown throughout their statements over the course of trial two.

Yuno's Second Voice Drama (-273.15°C)

1:02s (One minute and two seconds in)

"Regardless of if you are interested or not, I am just going to do my job." Job...huh. Hey, how is it? This chaotic situation you wrought with that splendid job of yours? Is it fun? "What are you trying to say?" Are you personally satisfied? I mean, having forgiven and not forgiven. The inside of the prison is like this now.

10:58s (Ten minutes and fifty-eight seconds in.)

"I'm sorry but that's the sort of place Milgram is." Then I hate Milgram. "It's fine if you do."

11:31s (Eleven minutes and thirty-one seconds in)

Well, I guess so. But if you refer to the law, regardless, I can't be accused of murder. "This is Milgram." Yes, yes. You love Milgram a lot don't you, warden-san? "...That is not particularly true." I'm sure.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

1:03s (One minute and three seconds in)

"No that's-" Are you satisfied? Since you decided not to forgive me. H... hahaha. Are you satisfied dishing out punishments that are easy to understand? "That's not it..." Huh? "I wasn't thinking you'd receive a punishment like this and I didn't instruct Kotoko to do that, either. Punishments executed through violence..." Huh... "I didn't think it would turn out this way." Keh, heh, hah... hahahahahaha! "What's so funny?" Big words. You did want this- This. Me looking like this. "You're wrong! Finding out why you all became murderers and figuring out how to judge you; that's all I'm looking to do-" Hey. Look at me. My right eye. It looks awful, doesn't it? I to constantly keep it patched up to prevent any trace of dirt coming in contact with the wound. "..." [recoils]

Like a coward who can't face the consequences of their own choices- Yeah, I fucking said it. I'll say it again. Oh they're just fifteen. Didn't stop anyone from hounding the twelve-year old. Time flows differently in Milgram some folks theorize. how convenient we can keep the cycle of dogpiling on children strong. They ain't getting any less fifteen according to some. How long can this remain an excuse. Just because this brat is perpetually fifteen ain't making them any less accountable in my book. Es needs to take some accountability lessons from Amane.

"I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?"

Instead of I don't know crying like a fucking child go I didn't mean it to the person they possibly irrecoverably injured due to what they choose to support by voting in favor of it. It's not like Es didn't have suspicions but choose to deem her innocent anyway. Naw it'd be wild if they just blatantly admitted that at any point,

2:57 (two minutes and fifty-seven seconds in)

"..." You forgave her for feeling that way. You- "It's true that I got a bad feeling about that side of her. When she said there are times where it's necessary to stand up as justice against evil..."

I mean certainly she told me everything she was about and I said close to with my full chest yes more of that please but- I didn't know she would do what she did again here! That she'd be a repeat offender and not want to stop. I didn't know that she would use someone having a negative reputation regardless of how small- Be it in the news or my own personal eyes as an excuse to jump those people! How would I have known?!

Meanwhile Futa is just sitting here like,

(Beginning of small tangent)

Futa: Ya know I'll go down this road with you. Play me her first trial video real quick like- Let's hold off for a second here. Because maybe you're telling the truth and there wasn't enough information for you to guess she'd do something like this.

Es: Really?

Futa: Yeah, I'm honestly willing to extend the benefit of the doubt and try to see this from your perspective. I mean I didn't think she would do something like this when everything started either.

*three minutes and thirty-four seconds later*

Futa: ... *head in hands*

Es: I see now how there were a few red flags.

Futa: A FEW?! WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO DO PUT I JUMP PEOPLE ON HER HAT- WHICH SHE TECHNICALLY DID?! She advertised for anyone to see that she jumps people who do crimes regardless of how small. In a building where everyone has done a crime what about voting her innocent seemed like a good idea. Even you're technically doing a crime! One of those people were a bike thief- What the fuck is wrong with you she murdered people over theft this isn't a hard case to solve are you insane? You're accusing us all of murder this facility abducted several people everything in this building has committed a crime. You, me, the fucking air too maybe- Hell probably your rabbit as well. She's gonna kill all of us at this rate.

Es: Well, I don't think she'd do that... But I did extend a generous amount of the benefit of the doubt and assumed she wasn't as harsh on everyone of course.

Futa: ... No, no absolutely not. Hold on... What was Mahiru's?

Es: ...

Futa: Es-

Es: I think we should stop pursuing this train of thought now.

Futa: Are you fucking serious no show it run that shit-

*three minutes and thirty one seconds later*

Futa: ES- SHE'S IN A CAST ES?! A CAST ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS WHY- WHAT ABOUT THAT WAS BAD?!

Es: Don't you wanna I don't know defend your own video or something this is starting to make me feel a bit bad about my choices...

Futa: You should feel bad! And no I at least know I somewhat deserve this but what the fuck.

Es: Okay, okay I need you to know I am not bad at my job I am trying my best.

Futa: Are you?!

Es: Yes; yes I am! I-in fact- I can show you a verdict you'd agree with-I have one judgment you'll agree with completely!

Futa: Oh, yeah sure let's watch it-

*three minutes and forty-eight seconds later*

Futa: Yeah you were right for that. You were correct in that judgment like- God damn how may people did he kill.

Es: Probably less than Kotoko with how things are going.

Futa: ?! Some of us just deserve to be able to leave or at least have locks can we order locks.

Es: I'll order some...

Several months later-

Es: *watching Deep Cover* (Oh fuck Futa was right she is going to kill us all at this point.)

Futa (outside the glass window of the interrogation room which only has this window for the bit): *mouthing* I fucking told you!

Es: *head in hands*

Kotoko: *passed out in the fucking extraction machine*

(End of small tangent.)

All that to say Es be suffering in this job. This job sucks. They aren't paid they get put into coma for several months until they're needed. They don't even get to use the facilities or be around the prisoners like that. Who they admit to being fond of despite everything. They've admitted multiple times that this work is hard on them and they find no enjoyment from it.

They worry constantly about the sort of person this work may be turning them into. They are not doing a good job or having a good time. Trial two does it's best to consistently highlight this wherever possible.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

2:07s (two minutes and seven seconds in)

According to Shidou, it's likely that I won't ever be able to see with this eye again. Sucks, huh? "I didn't-" "I didn't want that to happen", is it?

3:12s (three minutes and twelve seconds in)

Heh, hahah! Milgram changes shape according to your judgment. The standards of judgment, the world that you want... This is what it's all about, huh? "...It's not like that..." Not forgiving me but forgiving Kotoko... That's what it boils down to, isn't it? Isn't this the result you wanted?! Heh. You're laughing aren't you? Even now, seeing what shape I'm in. "You're wrong, I-" "...didn't think it'd turn out like this"- right?! "A-ah..." I get that.

At times Es doesn't even agree with the judgments they made along with the audience.

Kazui Second Voice Drama Imposter Boulevard

4:20s (four minutes and twenty seconds in)

"The reason I forgave you was because I was lacking details. I still don't understand your true feelings or how things got to that point either." I see. "It was extremely hard to understand. Even with all that poetry, though, your self-absorbed nature was more than obvious." Oh, my... That's quite a sweeping generalization even though you forgave me? "It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is." It's personal? "Yeah. That's right." That's strange. I did think that despite being neutral as a warden, you had some things you disliked, but... ... Isn't it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike? (A.K.A why would you have to reveal this as a personal dislike if you could have just voted me guilty based of it being one. Unless someone else is judging me and you can't just make the decision based on your dislikes alone. Why not just say you dislike it warden and explain why I'm innocent despite that.) "You're splitting hairs!"

This leads me to believe that Es' appearance in the collaboration art is another progression of what was implied with them from the third anniversary art as well as in the second trial voice dramas.

How they're getting stained by their own judgment, their proximity to the prisoners and Milgram. That the more the judge these sins the dirtier their hands get and the further under they go. That Es as the warden of Milgram and the proxy of the audience is finally starting to question what that fully means.

And is now asking the question Milgram as a facility has asked since the beginning-

When all three trials are completed, what will be the ending that awaits the prisoners and you?

That maybe the prisoners have been when they said,

See? Aren't we the same? - You're... the same as us aren't you? You just got caught up in a bigger picture.

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

6:16s (Six minutes and sixteen seconds in)

"You and me...the same? Me, who decided not to forgive you, not anticipating that you would be severely injured for it, being the same as you... Who killed without anticipating the other person would die, is that what you're trying to say?" That's right. What's the difference...? Mahiru is still on the brink of death! If she had died from that we'd be exactly the same! "... Don't make a fool of me!" Huh? "I've seen it! The way you got amusement out of your actions like it was just a game! The way you so easily elevated yourself to act as a one-person jury!! That, being the same as me?!" ...! "You've gotta be kidding! I am the warden of Milgram, the one who judges your sins! It's not just you and Mahiru- I've faced all ten of you prisoners with my own life. Don't lump me in with someone like you, who used someone's sins for cheap entertainment!"

It's Not My Fault

1:08s (one minute and eight seconds in.)

"Sorry for hurting you, but I didn’t mean it- I am doing this is just because of being bored. We are just the same."

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

7:33s (seven minutes and thirty-three seconds in)

...Heh... Haha...Ahahahaha!! Pheeww.... WHF-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU'VE GOTTA BE A COMPLETE IDIOT! "Excuse me?" JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Seems like that fancy hat and outfit of yours are making you feel real high and mighty! "Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Shidou's Second Voice Drama (Aesculapius)

1:48s (one minute and forty-eight seconds in)

"Don't lump me in with you! You're an inmate, I'm the warden! Now that I've started this I intend to see it through to the end."

Now of course there are other explanations for why they would go with red instead of the usual gold associated with Es' uniform.

Red could have been chosen as an attempt at not having too many shades of yellow within one image. Though for that to make sense one would need to blatantly ignore the several shades of blue, the repeated adding of yellow and green hues on prisoners who have never had that color (looking at Haruka and Amane)- As well as the simple fact Futa's prisoner color is red and they made it lighter so Es could have the guilty color basically but we'll get there when we get there.

Still, even ignoring all of those points. The color chosen here isn't even the one most associated with Es when it comes to merchandising. Even the light from the Hallucination event has their color as green while every piece of merchandise has their color as the one behind them within the collaboration art promotional image,

The color used for most of Es' clothing here is the red that stains the edge of their uniform within their character art on the website. The color most associated with the Milgram website overall and with being guilty.

Outside of those instances this color lines the box Es holds in their second trial character art and within Undercover. The infamous 000 box. After we see it for the first time we're shown this image,

This one image displays just how similar Es is to the other prisoners within Milgram. At the same time it serves to display how above the others they believe themself to be. The other prisoners' ten boxes lie on the floor at Es' feet beneath them in ever way as their own box sits right by their side literally put on a pedestal.

This superiority Es feels is displayed from their very first interrogation,

Haruka's First Voice Drama

6:02s (Six minutes and two seconds in.)

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

Want to take this moment to point out that in Futa and Kotoko's second voice dramas Es states that punishing people with violence was never something they supported. Yet they say this is how they'll educate the prisoners right after smacking Haruka in the face then continue to get violent with prisoners over the course of trial two. Just throwing it out there for the second point.

[grabs Haruka] "Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one. I'll say it any number of times- I'm the prison guard. Understanding your true nature is my job. No matter what you are or whatever nasty work you've done- I'll see all of it. Making judgments is my job. To say something like that... "You'll be abandoned"? Don't take me so lightly." [faint whimpers] "Until I know your sins and complete my judgment as to whether they're forgivable or unforgivable-"

"You're objects for me to govern."

"Don't think I'll let you escape." Prison guard... [giggles] "Wait a second... Haruka, what are you smirking for?" Ah, I'm sorry. It must be creepy, right? "It does creep me out." [throws Haruka]

"It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is."

Yuno's First Voice Drama

3:44s (Three minutes and forty-four seconds in)

Hey, hey- What did you and Haruka talk about? Making that boy smile like that must've taken a lot of thought, right? "I will not divulge the contents of what was said during that interrogation. However... Let's see. Shall I enlighten you about what I did? I slapped him right in the face with all my strength and made sure it hurt." Wow~ Is that why he came back with such a bright smile? Well, isn't Haruka Mr.Kinky!"

Haruka's First Voice Drama

7:24s (Seven minutes and twenty-four seconds in.)

"It does creep me out." Ah, you've got it wrong... This is a strange thing to say but it made me a bit happy. "Happy?" Yeah. "What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Haruka's Second Trial Voice Drama

6:01s (Six minutes and one second in)

Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...! "Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!" Ghh...! You're mean...! "Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down- Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now." Fssh... *sniffle*

"I just wanted to be your good boy- Why am I crying again?"

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

"Please don’t say that I am a loser- Hug me again as you once did." - "Haruka, what are you smirking for?"

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

8:30 (Eight minutes and thirty seconds in.)

"And you believe that killing someone because of that was the right thing to do?" I don't know! Then what should I have done, in your opinion? Even after stealing things important to her, my mother still wouldn't show any interest in me! Then what do you think I should have done?!

MILGRAM / Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.] Glitched Voiceline

"Then what should have I done instead?! Tell me! Tell me so even I can understand!"

Then what should I have done, in your opinion? - Then what do you think I should have done?!

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

9:03 (Nine minutes and three seconds in)

As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all. "Huh? Never have been." Yeah... Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either. "What are you saying?" Heheheh, hahahaha...! "You're pretty scary, you know." Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble.

"What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Futa's First Trial Voice Drama

10:46s (Ten minutes and forty-six seconds in.)

Last words...? Oi, Es! "What is it?" Why were you laughing? "Hm?" You did so at the very beginning! You evaded my question by saying, "I was just thinking to myself"- Didn't you? I've been feeling restless ever since- That really gave me the creeps ya know?! "Oh, that. It's because you're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy. So, that might be the real reason I was so keen on teasing you." Haaaa?!

"Isn't it natural to get angry in these sorts of situations?" (Haruka's First Trial Interrogation 7:48 Seven minutes and forty-eight seconds in.) - "You're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy."

Over the course of Milgram- Step by step, interrogation after interrogation we learn more about Es. Their likes, dislikes- How they show concern for others. The sort of the people they're biased towards.

Yuno's First Trial Voice Drama

7:36 (seven minutes and thirty-six minutes in)

"Yuno. On the outside, you look like you're fooling around tut on the inside, you're actually a good person." Thank you for that. You're giving me too much credit though, you know? "However, it also explains why you've given up. About yourself, human beings, even the whole of society, you've realized everything- That's why your expression is so cold." Hm, what's this? A lecture?

Q.16 Do you have anyone you hate?

Yuno: People who like to lecture you.

"Just shut it, will you? You know it all."

Like really, who do you think you are? - JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!

Slowly but surely we're being shown the sort of person Es is. The same way we're being shown the sort of people the prisoners are. On their second trial cds the prisoners are given doors that they are blocking in some way.

Every door is ajar or cracked open slightly.

I believe the 000 box that Es is holding within their second trial character art serves the same purpose as the prisoners doors in their second trial cd covers. It's a doorway to the sort of person Es is,

Since the one's sat beneath them are more than likely belong to the other prisoners and they all appear to be the same colors. All black with red accents to mark them as murderers/sinners. It's possible that Es while being chosen as the guard may be a murderer themselves.

Oh wait but then what about the 011 line that Kotoko says within Deep Cover,

“UNDER” Inept “011 Guard”

Well, and I type this with joy in my heart and a smile on my face. Kotoko is misinformed, ignorant, and completely incorrect about how these numbers work. Similarly to Futa- Kotoko is a character that is used to poke fun at the assumptions and behaviors of the audience.

In her case she makes fun of the audiences habits including my own of running with our own assumptions regardless of what the story tells us.

It's like Yuno said,

"Really? If you ask me, Kotoko is someone I would never want to make my friend though. She's the type who picks a conclusion from the very beginning and won't actually talk to you."

Kotoko is the sort to pick the answer she likes the most and run with. Simply ignoring anything else that may contradict her preconceived notions. Instead of compromising she's more likely to just blame everyone else around her for not falling in line with her way of doing things. Say things like people are always like this, it always goes this way etc- Without ever wondering since it's always going that way for her then maybe perhaps this may just be a her issue and there's something that she needs to work on within herself.

Naw it's society that's wrong. She's not an entitled individual that fully believes that everything in the world should bend to her whims and anyone that doesn't listen to her the voice of reason can't even be considered human.

Nothing would imply that.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama 10:15s (ten minutes and fifteen seconds in)

How ridiculous... It's always like this... All you weaklings always act like this... All you enjoy seeing someone getting hurt... "Might be so." All of you enjoy seeing a bad person falling down... "Can't deny." You keep asking for it but as soon as it happens near you by your own choice, you all start complains and evading your responsibility-

Lol, literally no one asked you to do this. Literally no one. How I did it for you ass people get when someone goes when did I ask you to though? "Why are you people always trying to evade responsibility for what you had/made me do?"

You're always like this... Always such idiots! I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right. But that's how we are. You have no power, and yet you make no effort to gain it! You're talking about justice, but it just doesn't make sense! You're invested in people's disasters, yet you take a position of "I have nothing to do with it"! You can't even face your true selves!

Deep Cover

Swaying to and fro? Laughable justice So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous-

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY” but it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”."

"Can’t stay away- Please don’t forgive me." - "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment- Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless."

"Should I knock on the door?" - "So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous- They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

The swinging to and fro comment that Kotoko makes is more a reference to Shidou's second trial song and the way the audience dictates the verdicts. Swinging to and fro going up and down in percentage points.

Pretty much how the Milgram voting system works.

So, Kotoko doesn't have to be talking about Es in Deep Cover at all. In fact it would make more sense if she was talking about the audience.

Deep Cover as a song already directly references Undercover. If Kotoko saw Es' video than she should know that their number is 000. As we went over just a few paragraphs back Es' music video does nothing to hide that fact.

Now if she just heard the song that's a different story but given some of the observations she makes and the fact we know that she was hiding out in the interrogation room during extractions from Mikoto's first voice drama- Possibly making him the only person she did not see the first trial video of since Es had her leave the room before the extraction began. Though she seems to reference it just fine in Deep Cover. So, she probably still saw it.

However, he getting the numbering system from Es' video would explain why she's using three digits instead of two. Since no one would automatically assume that a group lower than a hundred would be numbered in the three digits. Usually they'd assume it'd go 1-10 straight no added zeros or how Es says it in the voice dramas,

Futa's Second Voice Drama

"Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Haruka's First Voice Drama

"Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one."

In most instances Es hasn't even really used the extra zero themselves. It is unlikely that Kotoko got that information from general conversation. Meaning that she's either seen the visuals to get that information or completely wild assumption she just ordered the CDs to Milgram and has been listening to them all.

Since the numbers are also on those. As well as on certain promotional material,

Yet, even then 000 is on Es' own cd cover not in the center like with the other prisoners but it's there right on the left none the less,

Kotoko would have to be really bad at gathering information to miss all the things that plainly state that's Es' number is not 011- Or more than likely she was referring to the audience/voters like many other prisoners were during this trial.

Now, let's talk about the 00b used within this post. As we've gone over I'm not using the traditional numbering system. The number system I'm using is the one in the save file names for the character art on the Milgram website.

Es' character art on the website is literally named character_solo_sp_ character_00b and Jackalopes character art has the label character_solo_sp_ character_00a.

This continues to highlight what Jackalope has said about this being his Milgram and puts him firmly above Es,

This is a good time to note that the prisoners from this point forward will be numbered based on how they were in their character art file.

But the promotional images and even the cd covers use three digits. So, why don't you- This is funny. It's funny and it's new information. I don't need any other reason than the fact that I just want to honestly. Plus it's an easier way to cement the information to memory for me.

Now from this information I've begun to speculate that Kotoko may not have actually gotten a good look at the other prisoners music videos. That she is in fact going off of the assumptions of the audience. That it might be possible prisoners not only hear what the audience is saying about them but others as well.

Tying into what Kotoko said about knowing this is what the audience as well as Es wanted but now both want to act like they had nothing to do with it.

There's no reason that this couldn't be a situation of both these things happening and she not only saw the music videos but heard the audiences desires in regards to other prisoners. It's just some of the things she states in Deep Cover are so surface level that I find it hard to believe that she really got a good look at the information herself. If most of the information she has gathered is from the audience and her own observations from living with the others... It would explain why she wouldn't be aware of this other numbering system.

Since it's something directly related to the Milgram website and her circle of information begins and ends within the Milgram facility.

Unlike Futa who had QR codes throughout his second video linking directly to the websites voting page. Implying he for sure knows about the website. Something that has yet to be explained. Personally I haven't seen anyone discussing the file names of the images from the website. It certainly may not have been discussed enough for the staff to find it necessary to add into the story in any noticeable way as of now.

Meaning there's a good chance that info just wouldn't have come across Kotoko's radar yet. I don't doubt she'd know about the three digit system because it's quite literally plastered everywhere.

Either way she'd still be referring to someone else because the audience has known Es is 000 since Undercover the song her second trial one pays homage to. If she knows enough about Es' song to directly reference it than it would make sense for her to know their number too.

One could posit that Kotoko made Es eleven based on the b part which would make Jackalope the first zero. This could also be a clever attempt on her part to position Es as beneath herself. Since she's literally last in line every other prisoner is above her numerically. Something that she could find grating. This would continue her parralels with Futa and Haruka who both seem to get upset at things like that as well,

"Can I be your favorite this time?" - "Pressure, pressure! Whatever you do, you’re still last in line."

"They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

Besides the 000 box this red is predominantly associated with Milgram. As it is the same red used throughout the website. Meaning this could allude to Es being consumed by their work/losing themselves in the job as well.

The fact that the color most heavily associated with guilt is what was chosen as their predominant accent color could allude to how they've begun to view themselves over the course of Milgram due to the choices they've cosigned and the results that followed. The sparse green on the shoes possibly being representative of their good intentions and putting their best foot forward from the position they're in.

The fact that they had many areas to accent and choose to put as little of the innocent color in as possible and even add the red to inside of the cape says a good deal about the intent to me.

However, when mixed with Es' expression in the art it only becomes more apparent.

Gone is the anger of their second trial character art as they have a expression of uncertainty. Their eyes wavering as though trying to stand firm to their own choices while doubting if they were correct.

This issue was alluded to during the "Report on the end of Second Trial",

You’re afraid that your decisions are going to lead to something that you can’t take back?

"Hm, I see......how absolutely ridiculous. There is nothing in this world that you CAN take back. Not just in MILGRAM. You can’t turn back time. And anyway, whatever happens to them, none of it can be taken back. It’s not for the guard to worry about."

Anywho- on to prisoner 01!

So many pictures for Es alone well I guess that means no one else is getting a lot. Unfortunate but the others should be more straight forward.

01 Haruka

Wow, it sure would suck to be given affection just to have it taken away. That certainly would be a cruel and unusual form of punishment. Especially if the person being treated in that way stated upon first meeting them that they were wary of that happening to them again,

Haruka First Voice Drama

"I-I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners they might misunderstand. It's no good."

Why is that? Just do as you please. The bonds we share with people are the very thing that shows our human nature, that's what I believe.

"It's something, I can't even tell you, prison guard!"

Even to me?

"You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at. The more you know about me- I'm sure I'll bring misfortune onto you as well, prison guard."

Haruka.

"Because! Because... Ah, I'm sorry... For just talking by myself."

Continue.

"It'll happen sometime. I... I... Even though I try to be normal, everything gets ruined."

"You, everyone, if you knew me... If you knew everything that I did... I'm... I'm gonna be abandoned. That's bound to happen."

So wary in fact that one could very well consider his current circumstances a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ah, no- did I say current circumstances... My mistake-

Luckily, that didn't occur at all.

That's what I meant to say. Because that definitely didn't happen. I mean how many people would so willingly walk into such an obvious trap? I mean really- If everyone else was jumping off a cliff would that make any of you want to join them?

This is the bandwagon mentality dragged to light over the course of Milgram. A lot of the time it doesn't matter how realistic the concerns stated are.

Say for example,

What if character x hurts y?

What if the relationship between these two characters is unhealthy?

What if the choices I cosigned lead me to a situation I can't take back?

Silly concerns like that doesn't make a person more or less justified in their opinion. It's valid for anyone to think or believe anything on a situation they become aware of regardless of how little or how much they know. To ask a person not to think is the same as asking them not to exist at all.

Yet, when people assert those thoughts onto others and try to dictate how a stranger exists. Well, that's the line between an individual and society, right? At that point it's best to live at the behest of the majority no matter how incremental that majority is. It's only fair that a system puts the will of the many over the will of the few.

It's unfortunate isn't it?

Seeing what being a part of the minority feels like. To a lot of people Milgram will be their first and possibly only taste of that frustration.

The sort of frustration one feels when losing in a game, a work of fiction- Yet, would easily belittle those for feeling in regards to real world decisions that may possibly have a great negative effect on a many people.

Thinking back on every loss in Milgram. Every character that one may have wanted innocent that wound up guilty. Each one some may have wanted guilty that wound up innocent. The way many may have pushed for their desired outcome, the echo chambers created to circulate the same information over and over more easily, the fussing over what comparisons to real life forms of discrimination are okay and which are not.

All the while everyone is still compared the material to real life issues that suited their egos more. Issues that served to frame the actions presented as something the character acting them out had no choice in. Something easier to sympathize with or in other cases something completely inexcusable or unforgivable. A senseless act of cruelty by an uncaring and unsympathetic character that deserves to get as good as they gave in the narrative.

Using tactics not too different from their detractors, most people who have engaged with Milgram have worked to make their voices heard in one way or another. Be it through their votes, comments, or fanworks. All using the same social issues and biases they may balk at when used under a different framing.

Isn't it cruel to recognize that some people only care about other individuals, systemic ills, and mistreatment only as far as it allows them to support themselves and no further? As long as doing so can make them feel good.

Isn't that such an immensely disheartening thing

It's a subtle self-serving aspect of every individuals ego that they can't look past. One thinks x is good because they can relate to x and if x isn't good then that means they aren't good. So, x must have been justified, there must be a good explanation for character x's actions-

Because if there's no good explanation for them what does that say about the part of us that relates to and sympathizes with them.

If this character turns out to be bad it's as if the story itself is saying the viewer is bad.

Isn't it a terrible thing when one can't see past the good they want to see in someone and view the person who is standing right in front of them. All so they can spare their own feelings. So, the viewers ego doesn't get bruised...

It's ceases to be about gaining an understanding of the person or character becoming more about validating oneself through them.

That individual or character ceases to be a construct separate from the viewer turning into an ideal to strive for a projection of the viewers own self-worth.

The thing validating their identity.

Telling them it's okay to be as they are.

So, when the reasons laid out fail to live up to the viewers interpretation they end up feeling betrayed.

In real life this mentality would lead to the people being treated this way feeling forced to walk on eggshells in order to keep being good in that person's eyes out of fear of being discarded. Behaviors that they may want to change become hard to break because they can't be sure how that person will feel about them if they change. They try to keep a good distance from people because what if someone learns too much and doesn't want to be around them because of it. It cultivates insecurity in every action and thought.

Truly it's a lucky thing nothing like that occurred here-

Let's face the reality though.

The world is uncaring and merciless. People have the right to their feelings. Even the negative ones. Once someone is let down they have the right to show and discuss that disappointment within reason. There's no good reason to verbally berate or emotionally abuse another person disappointment or not.

If showing that disappoint means things are over,

"Are we over? Please don’t answer."/ "I imagined that you saying "See you" is the same as "It's over”."

That person who once saw the best of them can only see the worse,

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me? Tell me, why do you say it’s my fault?" / "If you don’t hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart."/ "Hug me again as you once did."

If there's no way to proceed so things need to end,

"You won’t be forgiven, it was stupid licking each other’s wounds. Justice assemble! Till the end!" - "I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

"You already knew, the whole time- You can’t escape, how do you like the taste of punishment?"/ "After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”. You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already. Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?"/ Fuck it! Don’t you think so? You won’t be forgiven, a coward, never!

If hatred ends up growing there,

"If you’re going to make me the villain- It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

"Hey, what if- If I am a bad girl? Don’t hate me. Don’t even try to proof from “After Pain”."/ "All those ridiculous accusations- Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it? Ahhh, It’s the same anywhere I go! It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong!"/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault- You knew it, right?"/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right?"/ "I am innocent as everybody desires I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

If something occurs that can't be taken back.

"“Throw down” the invitation that I can’t take back. Lying, replacing with hope."/ "If it damaged someone’s dream to the point of stopping it. I want gouge you out with my fangs."

Those sorts of experiences are just as much life as anything other ones are.

They're not something to run away from or attempt to avoid. They're just experiences and not all of them have to be eternal for them to hold meaning. Sometimes there's eternity in the transient. That's why when people pass away they don't suddenly matter any less to the lives of the people they touched.

To expect a person's opinion not to change, the past not to follow any of us, is to run from the fullness of ourselves. Our own existence.

The simple truth is when people are presented with troubling, overwhelming things they panic, worry, and look for the path of least resistance. Our brains don't immediately slow to a crawl, panic not ensuing giving us an abundance of time to think things over and lead us to the perfect outcome.

A solution that can work for everyone. Sometimes we can only do our best with the limited time we're given.

In the same vein there are things in life that are unacceptable regardless of someone's personal reasons for committing to a course of action. Everyone has a line a breaking point and even if it's not unforgivable in the eyes of society it may still be unforgivable to the person who committed the deed.

On that note, Haruka why on earth do you have a sword?

I mean certainly you threatened to end your own life but hara-kiri isn't the way my guy. They cut people's heads off for seppuku out of mercy. Disemboweling oneself is not a fun pastime. Put the sword down and let's talk this out.

Immensely cumbersome blade one to use for that too. You positive you don't want to at least get a boxcutter from the storage closet or your close friend Mu?

All poor taste stress jokes aside- He's really doesn't seem to be holding that offensively.

The series has been foreshadowing Haruka's threats of self-harm from the beginning of the second trial. The design chosen for the cyberpunk inspired karaoke collaboration manages to invoke that imagery in a subtle new way while still eliciting the same emotion from the observers as say his timelines over the course of the second trial,

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

I don't want to spend too much time harping on such a stressful plot point.

Especially one that's been hung over the audiences head for far too long at this point in my opinion. Though it felt a bit rude to just outright ignore the implications.

Now with that acknowledged indulge me as we step down a different avenue.

That avenue being the coloring of Haruka's outfit within this colab.

I find it interesting that they used a color associated with Mu for the inner lining of his clothing. Circling back to that first voice drama for a bit... Let's take a lookback to discuss Mu and Haruka's relationship over the series.

In Haruka's first voice drama he says,

"The ones who often talk to me are Yuno and Mahiru, and uh Mikoto."

Then he goes on to add Futa and Mu,

"Also, Futa. He's a little scary but he pays attention to me. I sometimes to speak to Mu as well."

It's funny to see how things have progressed since then. Mu was the very last person Haruka mentioned. He put so many other people before her back then- But now she's kind of become all he talks and thinks about.

23/04/07

Haruka: Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. PleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-san

Then despite the fact that Mu is younger than him he refers to her as san. Though it seems Haruka refers to everyone as san. So, that isn't too weird.

Wait hold on- Except for Futa who he refers to as kun. I- what the hell Haruka???

20/06/28

Futa: You said you don’t play any games, right? Do you not watch league or premier either?

Haruka: E-eh, I, I don’t understand, what that is…… That… uh, “leeg”?

Futa: Huh!? It’s international soccer. It’s normal for guys your age to know stuff like that. What a pain… I really have nothing to talk to you about, huh. Even though we’re around the same age. Also don’t speak to me so formally. It’s gross.

Haruka: Ah, e-excu-, I don’t, I uh… got it…… Futa… kun……

21/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: U-uh, um, Futa-kun! Um! Um!!

Futa: Huh? Shut up already… Didn’t I already say not to make a big fuss about my birthday. I’m not some kid who gets excited by stuff like that anymore!

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

Futa: ………… You will tell nobody about this conversation.

Though that seems to be only because Futa voiced discomfort with Haruka being so formal with him. Well... Except for the fact he goes from referring to him as kun to just not using any honorifics at all trial two. Um... What the hell? Pardon?

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Fucking Yuno going to using no honorifics for Mu to using them vs Haruka going from using them for Futa to not.

Haruka has that Zantetsu from Blue Lock "Hey only my friends can call me stupid." mindset.

Haruka with Es in his second voice drama,

"Shut up-!"

Ngh!

"GUH!"

I hit you as punishment for being an idiot! Maybe this will help remind you of your original intent.

"Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...!"

Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!

"Ghh...! You're mean...!"

Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down, Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now.

"Fshh... *sniffle*..."

Don't call me stupid you're mean guard! You're a meanie! You're a jerk I hate you- I can kill anything smaller than me ya know!

Meanwhile Futa standing at 5'4ft (165cm) to his 5'7ft (174cm) "You know, you're an idiot." Haruka, "Yeah, thank you."

Alright, friendship is magic actually.

Great job you two. Great job- Round of applause for them. Because this is such subtle character work that's honestly impressive and easy to overlook.

Now back to the really overt shit.

By that I mean the,

"This is all I'm able to do..."

Foreshadowing that he's going to try to kill again because in All Knowing All Agony they literally show this is all I'm able to do over and over again as he's committing murder.

Oddly enough DoctorBunny and I were discussing this for completely unrelated reasons.

So, you can thank him for this explanation.

It's, "kore shika nai no" 'I have no other choice than this'/'I can only do this'

"This is all I’m able to do……" - "I will keep on killing to be a good boy. I can't stop, I can't stop!"

Though it is said a bit differently in the timeline itself,

"でも、僕はこういう風にしかできないから、ごめん" Demo, boku wa kouiu fu ni shika dekinai kara, gomen. But, I can't do it in any other way, I'm sorry.

Even so the same allusion can be seen.

In a way this makes it feel as though the only reason Mu and Haruka grew as close as they did was because everyone else he was speaking to had no time to do so after the first trial.

Mikoto became like that. Displaying mannerisms that Haruka admits to finding scary. Using how fear inducing Mikoto's behavior was as an excuse for why he didn't approach him until the intermission ended. Futa was having difficulties as well...

However it doesn't seem as though he was outright avoiding Haruka. Instead he seems to have been keeping a little more to himself while he tried to get a grasp on his own issues. In his attempt to tackle the issues he was facing due to his guilty verdict Futa wound up being comforted and motivated by Amane when she approached him during that difficult period.

In the same way Mu approached Haruka after their verdicts were decided,

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong…… Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor…… It has nothing to do with you…… Aaahhh……

Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san? Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see?

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

So, Mu and Amane both approached Futa and Haruka at a time that they were both isolated and vulnerable. Many people discuss how Amane's character dissects the recruiting habbits of cults and religious groups. Yet, it's hardly discussed how Mu's characterization dissect the clique behavior of school settings.

The habit of kids taking advantage of each other by giving attention to isolated individuals within a class in return for favors. Help with difficult things. Such as someone giving the smart kid who isn't that well liked a bit of attention just so they'll maybe let that person copy off of their homework because they feel indebted to them.

Popular girls going up to new students then telling them who they should talk to and shouldn't in order to continue ostracizing certain students. Though I think a lot of people aren't at the point to discuss the cult like dynamics that take place within school settings and they way students prey upon each other within them. I'm just bringing this up because it aligns with the point being discussed.

That being Mu and Amane approached both of these guys very sneakily where others were less likely to intervene and then we rarely saw them talk to anyone else for a good stretch of time. Mu is dissuading people from going in and checking on Haruka guaranteeing that she has everything under control and is taking care of him. Kotoko is doing nothing to stop whatever he has planned and the only person who has actively attempted to convince him there's another way is someone he's fine ignoring the input of outright because he's sure he'll respect his decision even if he disagrees with it.

As well as him repeatedly stating he's doing what he's doing for Mu's sake not his own.

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

"I promise! A good girl that keeps a promise is like, mwah!"/ "I just want to be your good boy. I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

"I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

Yep, nothing similar about these two situations at all. It's only wrong to do things like this when religion is attached to it actually. There are no other circumstances where this behavior would be questionable. It's like people are more comfortable with scrutinizing religious beliefs that deviate from their norms more than actually interrogating exploitative practices.

Noooo that couldn't be- That's definitely not the case. If that were true then an adult women with the right to choose how she practices religion and raises her child for herself would be considered more of a victim than the child she was abusing. Because life is hard, raising a child by oneself is lonely, and cults exploit people at their most vulnerable. So, she'd be a victim too. Hell probably even considered more of a victim than the child by some.

Because it's easier to blame religious beliefs more than reckon with someone's consistent commitment and active choice to be their worst self. Acting like the religion was in the house with her when she decided to waterboard her daughter, go out to buy that taser, and choose not to abuse her daughter as heavily when her husband the pastor was home.

Meanwhile Mu is over here saying,

"God gave me everything, everything is as I wish."

That has nothing to do with religion though. She's just feeling herself a bit too much she doesn't really believe that god gave her everything and anyone that goes against her god given right to rule deserves to be crushed. What would give that implication.

Sorry, got sidetracked there for a bit...

My main point was Futa was having his own difficulties and to his admission later had very little time or energy to spend concerning himself with someone else. Considering how Haruka has moved from using kun to no honorifics at all it doesn't seem like either was outright avoiding the other.

It makes me wonder how these relationships would have developed if both Futa and Mu were innocent trial one, if Futa was innocent and Mu guilty, or what if Haruka, Futa, Mu, and Amane were all innocent or guilty. If both Futa and Mu were innocent alongside Haruka I could see them both taking a familial role in when it came to Haruka. Possibly making it a bit more balanced. If they were all guilty that would be incredibly interesting.

Looking into it further is making me wonder if at that point Haruka would be pleading with the warden to change their mind. Despite what he said at the beginning. Would his fear of children get worse. Would Mu have become more reliant on Haruka instead. Those sort of things.

It seems to have strained Haruka's relationship with Mikoto the most. I wonder if they were both guilty at the start if he'd have approached him more. Futa is a bit easier to discern. Since he flat out states trial two he has no time to worry about Haruka because he's not a kid. Yet, given he's the first to show concern later when he stops leaving his room this doesn't seem to be the complete truth.

His disinterest in looking after Haruka may have been his concern with his own wellbeing, him not being a kid, or simply the fact that he wasn't guilty. All Futa could see was Haruka having a good time because Haruka to his own admission was having a good time. He told Mikoto this when speaking to him on his birthday and reiterated it in his second trial interrogation through blatantly stating,

Q.03 Do you want to leave Milgram?

Haruka: I want to stay here forever.

Certainly he could just be focused on Amane due to the fact that she is the youngest there and the most in need of help. Yet, at the same time he showed concern for Mikoto who was going through similar things as he was as well warning him that it would only get worse. He also avoided speaking poorly about Kotoko in his second trial voice drama blaming her behavior solely on Es using her.

Futa has consistently tried to sympathize with individuals he's convinced himself are going through the same things as he has or is going through. It's easy to brush that off by going Haruka isn't a kid so he's not concerned- but it's telling that as soon as Haruka starts displaying mannerisms that implies he may have been voted guilty Futa is the first to go and ask if he's okay.

So, it's difficult to say if he concern towards Amane is just because she's younger than him or due to them going through similar things. Regardless of the reasons Futa's view of Haruka has changed. He's begun to view him less as someone who needs his help now possibly seeing him as an equal or someone competent enough to hold their own by themselves.

Not a person in need of coddling or favoritism. Not a pitiable weakling in need of love,

"I’m so lonesome, please love me."

In contrast we've yet to see how he views Amane now. They haven't engaged at all since the end of trial two.

23/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ……! Oi, is it just you. Don’t scare me like that. You shouldn’t just stand there saying nothing. Hah, what? Did you just come to laugh at me for being weak? Dumb brat.

Amane: No. I just came to observe. To see what people are thinking. To see who is being corrupted. What about you, Kajiyama Futa?

Futa: I understand even less of what you’re saying than I did before. Brat, you’re on the side who weren’t forgiven too, right? ……so why can you still stand. Don’t you can hear it too? The voices blaming us. ……I don’t have the energy to do anything like this.

Amane: It goes without saying. Because there’s something far more important than the voices of people we can’t even see. People are able to get back up again. As long as there’s something to guide them. Kajiyama Futa, by coincidence today happens to be your birthday, correct? Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

Since this moment the two of them haven't spoken in a timeline. There's been implications of them still communicating but they've mostly been highlighted speaking to other prisoners. We've yet to see how their dynamic has evolved over the course of trial two. Though we've seen that Futa has recognized Amane as someone going through the same thing as him.

Someone that can actually get fired up over the same things he does and understand what he's been going through. Not only that he recognized her as someone who faced what he couldn't and kept standing even after Kotoko's attacks. Since they share a similar mindset when it comes to apologies and rules.

Ultimately, Futa for reasons could no longer view Haruka and Mikoto in the same way he did within his trial one voice drama,

"Ah, Haruka and Mikoto are completely useless by themselves. I really have to take the lead with them."

They're no longer people in need of his help that were helpless on their own. Mikoto was able to stand up to and fend off Kotoko. Someone Futa couldn't handle himself. Haruka was able to be voted innocent something else Futa couldn't manage to do on his own.

Due to that innocent verdict Haruka grew more confident and assured. Maybe it was due to that newfound confidence he wound up gravitating towards certain people and distancing himself from others.

A change from his first trial because during that he was putting in more of an effort to get along with most of the prisoners. Though he was clearly uncomfortable around Amane and Kotoko. He still made an effort around them and in some cases those efforts paid off. Near the beginning of trial two Haruka makes it clear he'd been avoiding Mikoto.

This is a pretty big change from his first trial. Then he tells the audience this during his second trial interrogation,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least?

Haruka: I don’t dislike Amane any more. I’m not scared of small children now.

Haruka states that he was scared of Mikoto but he no longer dislikes Amane because he's not scared of small children anymore. Instead he's now scared of an adult who encouraged him to work on his communication skills more,

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"If I tried and couldn’t say it, you would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”."

something similar to what he was complaining about being unable to do in Weakness. Now Haruka's discomfort and fear around Mikoto could be due to him going a bit out of control during the intermission as Mikoto claimed. However, it isn't particularly difficult to see how Haruka could be projecting his issues with his parental figures onto Mikoto as well.

In the same way he's begun to consider Mu his mother he could see his abusive father within Mikoto. Similarly to how Kotoko's form of punishment may have reminded Amane of her own mother. Playing into how Haruka is looking to make his mother proud and Amane is looking to make her father proud.

As well as why we see both Mu attempt to mirror Shidou's caretaking behavior towards Mahiru with Haruka. In order to cement her importance and show her usefulness. In a way do what Shidou has done and prove that she's indispensable in her own right. Prove that she's just as needed as him because she's the only one who can take care of Haruka right? No one else can.

Presenting this parallel between Shidou and Mu while having Haruka refer to her as his mother draws to attention Shidou's own attempts to take on a paternal role when it comes to Amane. It's as though regardless of whatever option is chosen Milgram is recreating the circumstances and validating the mindsets that led the characters to offend to begin with.

Once Haruka had been assured and gained some confidence he separated himself from people who seemingly had a lower standing than him and gravitated more towards those with the same one. This is even reflected in his statement on the attacks trial two,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary- But aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

A sentiment that mirrors Mu. Despite everything those people have done for him. Mahiru even being the first person to wish him happy birthday within the prison. Despite those trial one moments the audience never sees Haruka attempt to reach out to Futa, Mahiru, or Mikoto during the first trial intermission.

Even though prior to their verdicts he had recognized that they were there for him and had reached out to speak to them with ease.

He uses Mikoto being scary as an excuse for his negligence when it came to checking in on him but he didn't check in on Futa either. Mahiru was and is still to our knowledge injured and he hasn't checked on her once.

Yet, he did make sure to check in on a certain someone who has remained innocent,

21/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Haruka: Y-Yuno-san. Good morning! T-today’s your birthday, right……? Ha-happy birthday……!!

Yuno: Oooh…… Thanks? You’ve definitely changed a bit huh, Haruka. You speak a little louder now, and actually look people in the eyes when you talk.

Haruka: Eh, ah, i-is that so…… I wasn’t, aware of it myself, but…… Heh, hehe. Is that so.

Yuno: Ding ding! My sensor is telling me…… this is probably a girl’s influence. Well, everyone here is slowly changing, I guess. Even me.

Ahn, while I'm here throwing people under buses lets hit the gas a little harder.

For someone uninterested in their own age he sure remembered Yuno and Kotoko's birthday's rather easily. And you know what let's turn that bus into a semitruck for someone not interested in his own age he certainly remembered his own birthday just fine-

20/06/22  (Haruka’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……*sigh*……

Mahiru: Haruka-chaaan, come over here a bit! I’m looking up everyone’s horoscopes right now to check our compatibility~ What’s your star sign~?

Haruka: Ah, erm…… s-star sign……? I-I don’t know. Can’t remember…… B-but, my birthday’s June…… 22nd…… I think, that was it……

Mahiru: Ok then. June 22nd is Cancer, so…… A kind person who prioritises their feelings, and…… hm? That’s today!? June 22nd! You should have told us~ Happy birthday~!

Haruka: Huh? Ah, yeah…… Th-thank you…… very…… much…… hehe……

Like not even gonna hold anybody up Haruka has every prisoner's birthday who he cares about memorized.

20/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……Kazui-san…… um…… Are you, happy…… on your birthday……?

Kazui: Hm? If I’m being honest, at this age I don’t really think much about birthdays any more. But…… it can be nice to have as a means to start something. Like, for a friend you haven’t seen in a long while, it’s a good excuse to suddenly start up a conversation, you know? Being able to hear from a bunch of people like that makes it fun.

Haruka: I-is that, so…… That’s… nice…… I’m, kind of… jealous. But, I’d also, want to hear from people…… e-even if, there isn’t a reason……

Kazui: Haha, but it can’t always be like that. You know, for us adults…… we always want a reason or an excuse for everything. ……hm? Wait, is today my birthday? So is that why you went out of your way to talk to me yourself for once, Haruka?

To the point he wished Kazui a happy birthday when Kazui didn't even know it was his birthday himself. Mahiru got that information and Haruka kept notes. This is literally Kazui's first birthday interaction.

The only way Haruka would know this is from what Mahiru did.

So like he could've checked in on any of the guilty prisoners or wished them a Happy Birthday he chose not to. Well every prisoner's except Futa's whose birthday he did not bother to remember considering their interaction on,

21/04/19  (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

And how when he doesn't even wish him happy birthday during the timeline on April 19, 2024. Instead they just talk about if he's really okay with this.

So, some characters simply don't remember the birthdays of certain prisoners.

Now there is a chance that series decided there were more pertinent moments to highlight over the intermission outside of those. That wouldn't change the fact that the series has shown Haruka forgetting Futa's birthday once and he didn't wish him Happy Birthday during the timeline this year either. Making it more likely he simply forgot again.

Something that is implied to have happened with Mikoto on Kazui's birthday. Since Kazui has to straight up tell him it's his birthday. As well as the fact that the series has been pretty good at implying when more than one person has told a character happy birthday. As shown with Mikoto. maybe the canon decided it wasn't important to overtly display that and instead just imply it which may be the case with Futa.

Then there's that timeline I keep bringing up but not showing where Haruka does blatantly admit he's been avoiding Mikoto,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

It's even implied he remembered Mikoto's birthday in this timeline. Sure, maybe that is wishful thinking on Mikoto's part. However, given Haruka's timing in the past and his consistency I don't think he's forgotten.

Mikoto may not be able blame him but I can.

His behavior over the course of the first trial intermission and during the beginning of trial two can come off as cocky and full of himself. As Es aptly put it he went from an idiot who knew his place to a cocky idiot. Due to his innocent verdict he went from believing he was wrong to boldly stating,

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong."

Is it really surprising that he'd want to be around people of his own standing when this is his mindset.

Of course he wasn't making too much time or trying to be seen with people who were deemed in the wrong or losers. He's better than that. Es and the audience said he was better than that. That he wasn't wrong. All of them collectively extended forgiveness and understanding to him. Then like the old saying goes,

"Give people an inch and they'll take a mile."

He took a mile and ran with it right alongside Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen. It’s not my fault."

Whatever happens to the people who weren't found innocent isn't their problem. I mean those are all people Es found bad and they saw them as good. So, they must be right about that too.

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary but aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

Q.10 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Mu: It seems pretty rough. But the people getting punished are the ones the guard said they wouldn’t forgive, right? So isn’t it fair enough?

To question Es' judgment for them is to doubt their own innocence.

Meaning, Es has to be right for them to be right.

For that to be the case then the attacks have to be justified those people were wrong and they got what was coming to them. They were the scary ones not Kotoko the person the guard found innocent who jumped several people.

In fact she's someone that Haruka felt comfortable confiding his plan in. Someone he had no issue going up and conversing with after everything that was done. Because she's innocent and if the guard found her good like him then she must be good.

It's only natural for him to confide in her especially since she's so close to guard after all.

I mean,

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time.

Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you.

Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets.

Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly…… Of course he'd tell her.

Kotoko has gone about the prison announcing that she's working directly alongside Es since the first trial intermission started. To the point that multiple people have actively brought up the questionable nature of Es' associates.

Hell, Jackalope brought up this was the case in the trial one end report-

I told you before, that she doesn't look like just anyone, but I didn't think she'd make it this far.

"It’s unprecedented for a prisoner to try to negotiate a verdict. But you decided to agree to it, good grief. I don’t know what will happen bringing an outside influence into your job. But whatever the cause, your verdict is all that matters. So you better take that in."

So, the implication that she was going around getting full of herself and presenting the idea that she was working with the guard was rather immediate. Then Jackalope, Yuno, and Futa all made it clear that Kotoko was directly associating Es and the audience while doing what she did.

Claiming that this was the will of Milgram, the guard, and her. Of course if Kotoko is on such good terms with the guard Haruka and Mu are going to try to be on good terms with her.

This leads into Kotoko being blamed for Mu's circumstances this year,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It was easy to blame Kotoko. Haruka and Mu thought if they just picked the right friends,

Q.18 Do you regret anything?

Mu: I think maybe I should have chosen my friends a bit more carefully.

Had the right parent, or environment-

Q.10 If you could turn back time, would you commit the same “murder”?

Haruka: I don’t know. If I was in Milgram I probably wouldn’t.

Then none of this would have happened.

It wasn't a problem with their mindsets or choices it was always an external issue outside of their control. So, of course they would believe just being alright with the right people, within the right place, not causing any trouble or giving any solid opinion on what was going on around them would only help their cases.

Q.19 Would you forgive the other prisoners?

Haruka: Yes. They all must have had their reasons.

Q.13 What do you think of the other prisoners’ voting results?

Mu: I don’t care, wouldn’t it be better to just forgive everyone? Let’s just get along.

Neither wants to rock the boat too much. Because as a lot of people like to remind us when the nail that sticks up gets hammered down. It's best to just toe the line between pitiable and competent enough to be needed.

Yet, being that doesn't get anyone attention. It doesn't make others look at them as their favorite person. Would just skirting by like that feel fulfilling enough to them? Is that sort of lifestyle something that could satisfy their egos.

"If you want to betray from jealousy."

Q.20 Did you hate the person you killed?

Haruka: I wonder if I did. I was jealous of them.

“Can I be your favorite this time?”

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."/ "I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed."

Jealousy and betrayal have been themes that appear within both Haruka and Mu's stories repeatedly. The tables being turned on them, people's opinions of them changing, that inconsistency of moving from top to bottom over and over again. Even the relationship they formed within Milgram with each other is unequal.

Where from Haruka's perspective it's codependent and they're both relying on each other but from Mu's it's that of queen and servant. That of a leader and their lesser. Haruka listens to her not the other way around because,

Q.01  What do friends mean to you?

Mu: People who listen properly to what I say.

That's what friends are for after all.

My point is that both Haruka and Mu got it in their heads that Kotoko was someone special to the guard. Someone that had been given the right to act in such a way from the guard. That she was their favorite and since she was the one who did the attacks they had better not complain. Because Kotoko presented herself as being such. The guard found her innocent while knowing the proposal she had made. Of course she would make it clear to anyone in hearing range that the guard accepted her deal.

It was the only way for her to continue to differentiate herself from the others. The only thing that allowed her to believe that she wasn't like them. That she wasn't just another prisoner. That she had some control over the system. Even if all she was doing amounted to playing dress up as the deputy for a short while. The guard had still accepted her and treated her as an equal.

Nothing could change that and that made her different from all of them. She did something no one else was able to she brought the guard down to her level and made sure everyone knew it. This wasn't just about the will of the guard or Milgram but about her will as well.

During trial two a lot of prisoners attempt to replicate Kotoko's behavior to varying success. Haruka is the most overt example of this. As he attempts to imitate Kotoko's behavior and make a deal with the guard of his own for Mu's innocence.

Haruka doesn't just do this to prove that he can be the guard's favorite too that his word can hold some weight with them. He mostly does this as a last ditch effort because he's afraid of how a guilty verdict will change Mu. In the first place the only reason that Mu decided to give Haruka attention more actively directly after her innocent verdict. It wouldn't be hard for Mu to associate her innocent verdict with her change in heart towards him.

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

Yet, everyone else who used to pay him any mind stopped doing so after they were voted guilty. So regardless of if he wants to be the guards favorite which it's implied he wants to be in All Knowing All Agony he still would have had a vested interest in avoiding Mu being guilty if he didn't want her to change on him too.

But the thing is with Haruka and Mu they're both after the same thing- Attention and they'll both do anything to get it.

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

So, it should be a bit concerning that Mu is talking to Kotoko about how no one is paying attention to her any longer all the while Haruka is now being shown talking to everyone but her.

"And can I just say, you really let her rile you up, don’t you? Does she touch a raw nerve or something? Oh before I forget, about Haruka Sakurai......are you sure about that “guilty” verdict? Weren’t you offered some sort of deal? I mean, not that I care. I guess that means you thought the same."

But that's a matter for another day I suppose. During Haruka's second voice drama he attempts to weaponize any positive feelings Es has towards him and the prisoners in general to sway how they'll vote on Mu's trial later on by threatening his own life. Because certainly Es wouldn't want any of the people they've grown to know in Milgram to die or get hurt if they could stop it.

That was obvious from their response to Kotoko's action.

So, if Haruka cannot threaten them directly in order to coerce the outcome he wants out of them the next best thing would be to threaten himself. If the gambit succeeded Haruka would not only have secured that Mu wouldn't change on him but he would be the favorite that Es made a deal with. He would have done something that even Kotoko could not do. Haruka would be the one who managed to sway Es' verdict not for his own benefit but for someone else's.

Haruka doing this sets up Mu and Kotoko attempting to do so again later well. As Kotoko tries to convince Es to vote everyone but her guilty and Mu attempts to convince Es to just vote everyone innocent. Both of them being far too late when it came to those requests or suggestions. Kotoko does this by attempting to persuade Es and the audience to vote everyone outside of herself guilty through Deep Cover. While in her voice drama Yonah she tries to convince Es similarly to Mu in her second trial voice drama to stop thinking so hard about all of this and just leave the judgments to her.

Mu's Second Voice Drama [Queen B]

Original Transcript

"Either way, there are prisoners much more deserving of a 'not forgive' than me, so I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?"

...You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun would be safe, too. Ah, actually, couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff!"

...That is... a very enticing proposal.

My own interpretation of it,

"Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of a guilty verdict than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those people instead. Like, Kotoko for example. She's been up to no good- Ah, but all the things she did were approved by you, weren't they?"

....You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway- I think it would be good for you to forgive me. That way Haruka would be safe too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? If you do that then Kotoko won't run amok and you won't have to think about anymore difficult stuff!"

"I mean, I personally would just say GUILTY to all of them to avoid all this hassle."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH] (This is literally going to just be my interpretation of what was provided.)

Have I... Failed...as a warden?

"It's alright... It's alright, Es."

Kotoko...

"Come here."

No... I- d-don-

"It's gonna be alright."

L-let me go, Kotoko...

"I know it well. It's difficult to take on the responsibility of guard all by oneself. I've felt that way too. You're such a kind person. You can barely stand after seeing how the prison has changed through the power of your judgments. You need someone by your side that you can rely on to help carry that weight. Leave all the dirty work to me."

I'm... a kind person...?

"Is your head still hurting? Don't worry. Leave it to me, together we'll be able to create the right Milgram."

I see... that Milgram... ...N-no! Let me go. Stop holding me.

"What?"

I... I'm not wrong..! [punches/hits self]

"What are you doing hurting yourself like that? Have you lost your mind?"

"Me... as a warden...imperfect? Have I- failed...as a warden?"/ "Please don’t say that I am a loser."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter."

...!!!!!!

"..."

Ugh...! Why? Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!

"...!"

It's weird! you said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!

"...!"

Arg- it's weird! It's weird!!

"Pipe down! You're hurting my ears."

...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!

"Hahah! You sure have developed an attitude. Go ahead and try. Idiot!"

Don't... make fun of me!

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong!"/ "I'm...not wrong..!"

"Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!”/ "You're just like a guardian, Jackalope."/ "……You’ve finished your duty and it’s nighty night time. Okay, okay. You did a great job. You've exceeded my expectations. Good night, Es."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

If you keep up like this Milgram will turn into a huge mess!

"Even so, I've been dealing with it this whole time! I've been desperately thinking about all the prisoners including you! So, I don't think I was ever wrong! No matter what hell I turn this place into I won't run away or make someone else deal with it!"

...!

"That's what being warden means! It's my responsibility to step into you prisoners' hearts and minds! That's why it's up to me to reconsider if I continue to work with you."

Es' Voice Drama

"Got it."

"Why?" You're not gonna ask me that?

"It's that kind of thing right? I have a duty to govern this prison. Even if my memories are hazy, that's all I remember."

Heh, that's perfect.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

[sighs and scratches at head] How stupid... Ah, it's always like this. All weaklings at this way. You all enjoy seeing someone get hurt.

"Maybe so."

Revel in seeing a bad person fall.

"Can't deny."

All of you keep asking for it then as soon as it happens near you due to your own choices you all start whining and evading responsibility. You're always like this- always such idiots!

"I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right but that's how we are." / "I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling- I was in denial, I was in denial."

If Haruka is given the attention he's been begging for from the audience or any of the other prisoners it's readily apparent how competent he actually is. Despite his consistent downplaying of his abilities. He's the one prisoner within Milgram who has managed to fly under the radar and not have animosity flung towards them by any of the other prisoners.

He's managed to be on decent terms with everyone. Something that Mikoto the more outwardly sociable of them has failed to do. In fact despite Mikoto doing his best to get along with everyone he's ultimately wound up shunned and treated like a imminent threat by everyone within the prison and he's only bringing more ire his way.

Meanwhile Haruka has the concern of most of the Milgram prisoners. When he holes himself up in his room he has multiple to people asking if he's alright despite their current circumstances. Shidou even taking time away from looking over Mahiru and having beef with a child to ask Mu if he's alright.

All while still recognizing he isn't a child and someone who's decisions and privacy deserve to be respected. When he asks Kotoko to cooperate with him by looking the other way she agrees. Despite her dismissing all of Mikoto's attempts to team up since the beginning this series.

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings?

Kotoko: No.

Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo!

Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san…… please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

That's some embarrassing shit right there. It's more than likely because Haruka came to Kotoko from a position of her lesser and not from the angle of an equal that led to her being so accommodating. However, there's a stark contrast between Haruka's timeline interactions trial two and Mikoto's,

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately.

Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me?

Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. ……ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great.

Mu: Salvation……? I don’t know what you mean. Futa-kun, you don’t sound like yourself. Did you hit your head or something? Oh, wait, you actually did, didn’t you. Ahaha. Ah, putting that aside though, did you know it’s my birthday today?

Like hell not even in their trial two timeline interactions but in the prisoners response to Mikoto isolating himself in comparison to Haruka and Amane isolating themselves. Even from Futa he's coming over here concerned but when Mikoto's verdict was impacting him this was his response,

21/10/06           (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

At east in this timeline there's an implication that everyone else will wish him a Happy birthday. Yet, going into trial two it's easy to interpret that as Futa's wishful thinking. The implication from his 2022 and 2023 birthday timelines is everyone is avoiding him out of fear.

I won't be putting the Haruka and Mikoto timeline again because I feel like I've repeated it enough but for clarity here's the statement that implies that,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

And his 2023 birthday timeline is just him having conversation amongst himself.

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……I wonder if there really is another version of me. And the fact my clothes are in rags and everyone is scared of me is his fault. Even being a “murderer”…… but it’s hard to just believe something like that.

Mikoto: If I talk like this can you hear me? If you can hear, please respond. Why would you do something so horrible. Hey, it’s all your faut, right? ……answer me!

Mikoto: ……Aaaaa!! But I did it for me……! If not, I would’ve broken!!

Mikoto: ––What am I even doing…… Of course I won’t conveniently just get a response like that. I should just stop thinking about everything now…… I’m tired……

No one was really checking on him to see if he was fine or eating properly. The same can be said with Amane too. This could be because regardless of their verdicts they were still going on as normal and not holing themselves up in their rooms. However, multiple people note their changes in behavior and still do nothing to intervene or check on them.

Except Shidou who does make attempts to check on Amane after Kotoko's attack but is pretty much told to prioritize the dying woman you weird by Kazui. Which one hundred percent fair he was right for that. In contrast to Shidou's shown concern for both Haruka, Amane, and Mahiru-

20/07/03

Shidou: Sakurai-kun……? Show me your hand.

Haruka: Heh!? No, I…… There’s, n-n-nothing wrong.

Shidou: Show me. ……the palm of your hand is bleeding. I’ll have to disinfect it. Does this always happen……?

Haruka: A-ah…… It’s, j-just a habit…… I-if I’m nervous, I grip my hands, too hard, so my nails……

21/10/24  (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……oh, Yuzuriha-kun. It’s unusual so see you around this early. Wishing me a happy birthday…… probably isn’t the what you’re here for, huh.

Kotoko: No, it is. Happy birthday, Shidou. Though it’s not like I bought you a present or anything. But while I’m here, I’d also like to ask you something. Has anything changed for you recently? Having nightmares, hearing voices, feeling anxious…… anything like that.

Shidou: Not especially, no. ……ah, so this is about how Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun have been strange recently? And she’s been trying to hide it, but Amane too…… We’ve been living in these conditions for a while…… it’s not unusual for there to be an impact on us mentally. Are you worried about them? You’re a very caring person.

Kotoko: Hmm, so you noticed? If nothing’s wrong with you, then that’s good. ……if I’ve understood properly, that means you’re safe…… Once again, happy birthday, Kirisaki Shidou.

This timeline takes place after the one between Mikoto and Futa where the audience is shown how Mikoto's verdict is impacting him. Shidou mentions how despite Amane attempting to hide it something is clearly bothering her, Futa, and Mahiru. Yet omits the guy who was noticeably acting weird in the timeline right before this one. I cannot make this shit up their birthdays are literally in the same month.

These timelines happened within two weeks of each other and he was just not concerned about that. He didn't clock that as weird but he's giving Amane so much attention even though she's to his admission trying to hide it he's noticed her having issues as well. Mikoto isn't really doing much to hide his change in temperament.

Shidou notice this change though and to his own admission does not appreciate the change,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

There is no positive spin one can put on they became like that it is usually something said with judgment and not positive judgment. In contrast Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, and Amane's new dispositions were recognized as out of the ordinary and met with concern.

Shidou even going as far as to put worrying about Amane above or equally as important as Mahiru's health at a point. To the extent that Kazui has to remind him to prioritize and in response he basically goes as the adults within the prison the children are a priority.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

She literally just got jumped Shidou can you stop harassing this child for like one day? She's been at deaths door all of trial two but she was fine enough for you to have this concern right after her ass got kicked. Shidou several months after the jumping, "These attacks were atrocious. People almost died."

Shidou at best five days after the attacks occurred, "It's Amane's birthday though."

Kazui, "Sir if you don't go back to helping the woman about to die and prioritize properly don't look at me all sad the hell?! She's dying."

Mahiru in her room struggling to breath or sit up straight with her fractured ribs, "It's fine Yuno I can do it."

Yuno, "No, you can't I'll get it you stay still where is Shidou?"

"I can't allow a child to be making a face like that."

Meanwhile Mahiru is in the back struggling for air just like she left her significant other in the weirdest display of narrative karma to ever exist. Probably having trouble breathing for the first time in her damn life like this- is what this feels like. Then he shows up to his second interrogation like I'm the only help she has. Bitch you were more concerned with giving Amane any sort of birthday celebration instead of checking on her.

Someone had to softly remind him that two people just got beat into the dirt and needed medical attention. So maybe this isn't the time to be thinking about a birthday. This is how Shidou parallels Mu as well. This is his I'm failing to read the room moment. This is him showing I only care about the things I care about. It's Amane's birthday I care about Amane because she's a child.

We should do something for her even though she is uninjured. Same energy as come on you're free Yuno celebrate.

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

Excuse me? Hello, people almost died and could very well still die... This is not the time for either of these issues. This is why when Mu praises herself for taking care of Haruka and bringing him food Shidou praises her right back. Because they both use people around them to validate themselves and their actions.

Aren't I doing so good by taking Haruka food? I saved Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun aren't I indispensable hostage game but you know it's all up to me right? You need me to take care of them right? So innocent.

I swear a good majority of people hear someone is in a medical or caretaking profession and just assume that person has oodles of empathy. They're just filled to the brim with consideration for all their fellow men when it is just a job. It doesn't make anyone more or less caring if they go into those professions. In fact there are a lot of incidents regarding abuse by people in those professions towards patients or the people they were tasked in looking after.

Sorry if that's disappointing to some people but a person is going to be the same person they were without a doctorate once they get doctorate. If someone was a mean uncaring individual before they started studying this thing chances are they will remain that person after. Getting a degree is not the same as working on oneself and their communication skills with others it is just school. There is no piece of paper that will magically make someone a good person who is right all the time and can do no wrong.

So let's talk about Shidou's wrongs towards Haruka and Amane in particular. Shidou infantilizes Haruka. He's straight ageist to Amane everyone knows that but the reason he acts the same towards Haruka is because he does not view Haruka as a person with agency or intelligence. This is why Kazui and Shidou are so comfortable talking about their attempts at negotiating a ceasefire with Kotoko around him.

No other prisoner mentions this in their interrogations but it's fine if Haruka overhears because he more then likely won't even understand what they're talking about. He talks at Haruka. Telling him bluntly to show him his hand. He doesn't ask if he's okay or if something happened.

This is something he does with Amane as well. Considering he downright ignored the fact that she does not like sweets then went ahead and ordered her a cake for her birthday. After Kazui asked her about it her previous birthday and she basically told him the same thing she tells Shidou the next year.

20/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: Zzz…… zzz…… ……nnh……

Kazui: Oh, Amane, it’s your birthday today, right? Shina-chan told me. Happy birthday. Have the others already celebrated?

Amane: ……thank you very much. That’s right. A few have spoken to me. I don’t personally consider my birthday that important, but I’ll gratefully accept the well-wishes.

Kazui: Even so, though, it’s not like I have a present to give you or anything. Sorry. ……if push comes to shove, maybe I can ask the guard for a cake. Depending on their mood, they might agree to it.

Amane: No, that’s fine. I’m not especially fond of that sort of thing. I’ll just accept your kind words as a gift.

21/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Shidou: Amane, I heard it was your birthday today. I asked Es-kun if we could get this cake to give to you……

Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this.

Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding.

Amane: ………… ……cake……

So, either Kazui just didn't tell him this information last year when she said it which fair why would he. He doesn't have to report back to Shidou. However that would mean he saw this man order and set up this cake. Saw it in the fridge and at no point went huh that's weird I should probably tell him she doesn't like cake and instead went,

"Hm well not my mistake not my problem. Some people gotta learn on their own."

And Shidou did not in fact do the thing he's known for which is hearing a child state their boundaries and then blatantly ignoring them like with the pancakes. If it's easier to believe Kazui didn't casually go up to him and be like well she said she didn't like cake and he went to himself no all kids like cake she must be putting up a tough front then decided to test it on her birthday.

Like if there's a cake here in front of her then of course she'll eat and if she has to hear everyone else enjoying what a great cake it is to actually try it than that's just what it takes. Like a dude trying to feed mashed peas to a baby like mmm it's actually really good you're really missing out. Haruka on the other hand is less defiant than Amane the second trial commence notice states being voted innocent,

"Being found “innocent” furthered his self-affirmation, and unlocked his desire to be dominated."

He wants to be told what to do. Literally his first glitched voice line is him repeatedly asking then what should he have done instead. Because if someone just tells him than that's what he'll do.

This brings up a parallel between Amane and Haruka the themes of obedience and disobedience. Where Haruka is asking to be led by someone anyone and be told exactly what he needs to do to be good in their eyes and Amane has been given those rules but keeps breaking them because they conflict with her own morals and sensibilities.

Haruka had no guidance but Milgram comes out the gate in his character description on the website and goes if you talk to him he will listen and learn. He does what Es deems okay. He tried to make a deal and threats because Es responded to that positively when Kotoko did it. Are we on the same page now.

Just as Es takes in the judgments the audience makes on all the prisoners Haruka takes in what the audience end up favoring and disliking then tries to mold himself around that to get the attention he wants. To be the audience and Es' favorite Haruka is possibly going to keep changing and aligning himself more with what will get him the response he wants. If that means he has to keep killing because the people with the highest body counts are innocent and he's sitting at guilty while possibly having the lowest than just guess what he's gonna do.

Now let's get back to that Mikoto parallel. Haruka being acceptance/community and Mikoto's being denial/ostracization. This connects Mikoto to Mu narratively as well both of their narratives have a lot to do with denial and isolation.

For example (since Haruka's section has just become a trial two recap at this point fuck if you got this far you're here now),

"Ahhh- It’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong." / "I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same."

"I see it in my dreams even though I erased it- Maybe I’m done."/ "I’m probably not to blame. It’s probably nothing. I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon."

"I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable."/ "I was having such a hard time, I was trying so hard."

"But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?"/ "If I could laugh, If I could go back I’d play dead even though I’m alive right?"/ "Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret. The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”."

"The minus energy that I swallowed hugged me. Maybe it’s ok to try to keep on living split in half, make that heart beat."/ "But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe? Tell me."/ "Why, hey why, please let me out of here. Please tell me it’s a mistake, that’s it’s a lie. That I’m right, I’ll forgive you if you tell me now."

"If you’re going to make me the villain. It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"/ "There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick. I overheard, I found out how much I’m not needed."/ "All those ridiculous accusations hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it?! Ahhh, it’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong. I’m already the fake one."/ "Because it’s not my fault I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

"Take more and more (honey) and devote to me."/ "Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying? Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, that’d be good."

"Hey, what if If I am a bad girl. Don’t hate me."/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right? Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down."/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault. You knew it, right?/ "I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right."

"If you want to betray from jealousy. You know what’s gonna happen ON YOU."

"I was in denial, I was in denial." - "I was wrong. Yes, it was me."

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me?" - "Tell me why? Please don’t change."

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

"Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me." - "I just wanted to be your good boy. Why am I crying again?"

21/06/22   (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

“Can I be your favorite this time?”/ "Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!” I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

"Aww! I just want to invent myself I'm a cute chimera sewn crooked <- new!" / "I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

"Don't be so selfish for the same new, then you start all over. Which way am I going, oh yeah, it's up to me. What I want to do, oh yeah, it's up to me."

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

Love how he just lies here by the way. Mu is trying to confide in him about how the atmosphere has been bad for her recently and he's just goes nope not me I'm fine actually. Certainly I'm sitting at guilty and locking myself up in my room but that's just because I'm thinking about how to keep my promise to you and nothing else.

Definitely not thinking about how I could change myself to get the audience to be interested in me again. Definitely not. Just thinking about keeping my word for your sake because you're my mom.

Meanwhile the following month,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It's so fucking funny that Kotoko just admitted she's praying for a kids downfall like Shidou is. The Kotoko and Shidou overlaps they're amazing I need to see them fight. But my point is here Mu goes out of her way to lecture Kotoko because no one else will give her attention on her birthday even Haruka.

Who since being out of his room has talked to anyone but her. Kine of weird and suspicious. Yet there relationships was always more an aligning of interests and nothing deeper than that. One could just say Mu got the short end of the stick and realized again just how much she wasn't needed. She was trying to prove her worth by bringing him food and taking care of him but since he's gone out of his room he's relied anyone but her.

Weird. Whelp none of my business. Sometimes that's how it is and maybe he just wants Mu as far from his behavior as possible. Most of the prisoners tend to dote on Haruka. Mu bringing his food to his room while he wasn't holing himself up in it, Futa and Shidou both taking time out of their days to go check on him despite stating they have bigger concerns...

These small actions show just how much the other prisoners care about Haruka and have grown to care about him over the course of milgram. I mean Haruka is nice, not intimidating to approach, timid and seeing his growth and being a part of it in particular can instill hope in the prisoners in a hopeless situation. A lot of prisoners look at Haruka as there second chance.

Because he to many prisoners embodies the people they failed or let down. Someone vulnerable, someone that relied on them, someone who couldn't speak up for themselves. Through his presence a few of them feel they can make amends for their previous mistakes. They don't even really treat him like a threat or a murderer most of the time.

This is why I brought up Shidou earlier. He isn't just like this with Haruka of course yet his mannerisms when it comes to this are more prevalent when one looks at how he engages with Haruka and Amane. Shidou still shows concern for Futa and Mahiru as well despite them being adults in his eyes.

Highlighting their less than stellar physical conditions at the beginning of his second voice drama.

Shidou's Voice Drama

"Orbital floor fracture right side."

Hm?

"Traumatic retinal detachment. Bruising. Lacerations. Partial fracture of the thorax."

...

"This is Kajiyama-kun's present condition."

Futa's?

"Shiina-kun's is even worse. Head lacerations. Bruising all over her body. A sprained neck. Fractured ribs. Further fracturing to the left arm. And furthermore... This may be outside my profession, but her mental health is deteriorating as well."

Mahiru...

This is the very first thing he brings to Es' attention. Not even bothering to return their greeting. He makes a statement outside of his area of expertise on Mahiru's mental health.

Extending consideration and grace to these parties,

23/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Mahiru: You have a family right, Shidou-san……? How does it feel, being married, having kids……?

Shidou: ……yeah, it’s a wonderful thing. Children…… yeah. They really are hope for the future. When you have your own, suddenly it becomes fun growing old. Since as you grow older, you get to see them grow up.

Mahiru: Ah…… how lovely. It was always my dream to become a bride. Though maybe that seems a bit outdated. I wish it could’ve come true……

Shidou: It isn’t too late. I’m going to make sure you live. So let’s get out of here, and you make your wish come true. ……you still have so much to live for.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Fostering a sense of community and comradery with them. Where they all help each other and will speak in the defense of one another and with their best interests in mind. Because that's how adults within society are meant to behave.

Yet, his grace consideration seems to run out when it comes to Mikoto. He treats Mikoto's change in temperament as an inconvenience. Because Mikoto is an adult. Not only that he's competent enough to protect himself and end his fight with Kotoko in a draw completely unscathed. He's not only an adult but a skilled and competent one who should know better than to let his personal problems negatively impact his lessers.

He's not like Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, or Amane defenseless weaklings that can do nothing to take care of themselves without a proper adult around. He's not someone who needs constant attention, care, or even the smallest bit of aid. He is a man, he is an adult, that Shidou recognized as his equal and spent time with as such. They smoked together so of course he doesn't get the same treatment as the kids.

He's not about to treat Mikoto like Kazui does,

24/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ––No, it’s just…… I’m happy for the thought…… But I don’t even know myself what I’ll do next. So I can’t really hang out at the moment, y’know? But…… haha, aren’t you scared, Kazu-san?

Kazui: Hmm, I guess because of my work, I’m used to dealing with rowdy youngsters. Obviously you have your reasons. I don’t feel like prying, though. Well, whenever you feel like it, you’re always welcome. If you’re always on your own it’ll just make you feel worse. I’ll be company if you need to relieve some stress.

Mikoto: Yeah…… I’m not really, y’know, used to relying on other people. Like, I start to worry that I’m being a burden. And it’s hard for me to deal with feeling so pathetic…… If I do say so myself, I’m super Japanese, haha……

Kazui: Hm…… well, I’m fine whatever. If this is what’s easiest for you, I won’t force you. But you know, being in your 20s is still super young. It’s great that you’re so disciplined, but most people won’t worry if you’re a bit of a burden. I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now.

Most people won't Shidou however,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

Shidou be like, "Look Kayano-kun you're fucking it up for us folks still in our twenties. Twenty-nine and twenty-three stop fucking it up we're the adults here. We're both college graduates get it together. You are setting a bad example you gonna walk around acting like an adult then be one. You're embarrassing our age range in front of the oldest guy here."

Just like an older colleague at work. Over here like, "Tch young people these days none of them can handle a work environment."

"Um sir he's carrying a sixty percent guilty verdict."

"Pfft I'm always guilty on the inside! Regardless if the morning comes I'll still be guilty. When the sun rises when it sets I'm never gonna feel innocent not one second of my life the closest I'll get to it is feeling justified in my choices but knowing it was meaningless cruelty all the same. He needs to suck it up."

"My guy- he just needs a mental health day. He's run ragged look at him. Remember what you said about Mahiru's mental health accommodate him a little it's not hard. Just give him a minute or some sympathy."

"Oh so now he wants free pity. Look at the example you're setting for these kids right now. You're a failure of a man. Do you think this is how an honest man lives? How you're living right now-"

"Dude he's sensitive about that shut up. Look Mikoto I'm trying..."

Mikoto, "No he's right I fucking suck."

"Aw see Shidou you validated his self-disparaging views. Now he thinks he just needs to work harder again."

Shidou, "Because he does. That's a good thing for him to recognize."

Mikoto head in hands-

20/06/15

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly.

Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross.

Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right?

Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

Now this may come off like I'm saying Shidou is a crass, blunt, man that holds those he deems to be his colleagues, equals, or peers in any capacity to the same unreasonable expectations he holds himself to. That when one of them fails to live up to what is expected of them as the adults then they've all failed in some way causing him to look upon the failures of those he considers equals with scorn while those he considers inferior, too immature, or unexperienced doing the same thing or needing help is cute. And that's because I am saying that and he is too,

21/03/22  (Kazui’s First Trial)

Shidou: Mukuhara-san, you’ve not been looking great ever since you came back.

Kazui: Ahh…… yeah, I still haven’t got back to my usual self huh. Y’know, Shidou-kun…… kids can be really brutal huh. I don’t have any of my own so hadn’t realised until now.

Shidou: Haha, so they are. They won’t listen to the excuses adults make to explain themselves. ……though that’s also what makes them cute.

Kazui: Yeah… You’re really mature, Shidou-kun. By comparison, I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Shidou when he keeps ignoring the fact that Kazui keeps telling him that despite being the oldest here he is actually the most emotionally immature and should not be given any responsibility.

Kazui making it as clear as possible how immature and unsuited for responsibility he is,

"I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself. - "I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now."

24/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Kazui: Ah y'know… Is having children really as great as everyone says? Shidou-kun, you've got two kids, don't you? It wasn't possible for me, so in a way I yearn for it.

Shidou: Yes, it truly is a great thing. No exaggeration. Even if they aren't your own children, don't you think its nice to have someone who's existence connects you to the future? If you can leave them something that they'll carry for the rest of their lives, I think it gives your own life more purpose. That's hope.

Kazui: You're really amazing, aren't you? It almost hurts to look at you. ….But, I sort of get where you're coming from. Every now and then I get overly sentimental thinking about my existence, how I could leave this world without adding to it. Doing something for the little devils around here might not be too far off from that hope you were talking about. I doubt it'll be easy though.

Shidou: Hehe. ….I implore you, Mukuhara-san. Please, give the children your protection.

Shidou I don't know what you mean Kazui we're the adults here. As such, I want you to take responsibility for these kids and protect them as another adult. I implore you to take on this responsibility. He should be helping them take care of the more vulnerable people here and the attitude he displayed during the intermission was a display of his personal failings. At least in Shidou's opinion. This goes into the similarities between Shidou and Futa.

Their shared stances on women and children as a vulnerable group. As well as how that perception impacts how they engage with others within the prison. Shidou is more willing to give grace to Haruka and Amane because of ageism and infantilization. Amane is just a child so she should be treated in a way that displays recognition of that fact. She shouldn't be here in Milgram or held to the strongest extent of the law because she's just a child.

This is the same logic Shidou extends to Haruka as well. He's not competent like Mikoto is. He can't express himself as well and is prone to getting injured or sick. So of course like a child he needs more care attention and firm guidance. It's not even limited to age he extends the same logic to Yuno, Futa, Mahiru, and Kotoko because they're all still students just a bit more respectfully. Yet Kazui, Mikoto, and himself are the working adults they should know better and be on top of this. This is why Shidou offers to extract that fang in Triage. Because as he makes clear through Amane he is willing to meet immaturity with immaturity if that means the kids will learn what's appropriate and what's not.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

It is possible that another thing Futa, Shidou, Amane, and Kotoko all share is their mentality to meet violence with violence or conflict with conflict. Haruka did what many others within Milgram did associated himself with people who were more likely to improve his circumstances than worsen them. This may be why we see him engage with guilty prisoners less while aligning himself more with those innocent like him. To show that he was not and is still not a loser. He didn't question the guards judgments to show that he thought they were right, he tried to be more confident and outspoken to display to Es that their choice wasn't wrong. In contrast him closing himself off after his change in verdict is an extension of his warning to Es in his trial one voice drama, "I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners, they might understand. It's no good." - "You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at." It's likely that him being voted guilty, Mu being voted guilty after getting close to him, or both may have caused this belief to resurface leading to him isolating himself (locking himself in his room) out of fear of bringing misfortune to those around him.

Regardless of Haruka's intent with these changes, the fact remains that Es simply couldn't stand the way Haruka changed. Possibly because it reminded them of Kotoko getting cocky and acting on her own while they were asleep. The way that she overstepped their boundaries, into their position as guard, and hurt people they admit to caring about. The new Haruka just showed Es that no one, not even him, was taking Es' position seriously. That they thought they could simply talk them into whatever outcome they wanted. That they felt comfortable because they were taking them as a fool that would believe anything sat in front of them without question. An imperfect guard who was too kind and weak just waiting to be taken advantage of.

Of course since Es said these prisoners were right once they'd never change their mind now. All Haruka's attempts and efforts came off as cocky, dismissive, and a belittling of not only Es' intelligence but their dedication to their job. Something that has been shown to anger Es throughout the series.

Ultimately it was this behavior shared between the three of them that had their trials go as poorly as they did. It is also this mindset that led them all to heavily associating with one another. Because they weren't wrong, Es found them innocent, agreed to work with them- Of course, if they saw that once they'd see it again. They're not the losers here after all. None of them were wrong. So, of course Haruka is going to report to Es' assistant what his plan is and ask her to let him proceed. Guilty or not that's only the proper thing to do.

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong- Please don’t say that I am a loser. Hug me again as you once did."

Unlike those losers over there who should have just-

"Ravaging, brawling, losers please exit left."/ "Aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?"

It doesn't matter if he was too scared to talk with her previously.

Haruka Trial One Voice Drama

Mu, Yuno, and....

How about Kotoko?

Uh... S-She's a bit scary.

That was the old Haruka. The new Haruka isn't afraid of kids or talking to Kotoko. Even though there are more reasons to be afraid of her than there were before. Kotoko is someone he had no reservations about speaking to despite the fact that she had physically assaulted three people in close proximity to him. Then was very openly planning to attack more to her own continued admission.

Yet, despite the clear risk to the safety of others she continued to be Haruka had no issue communicating with her and actively seeking her out. Because he recognized she was not going to attack him. Because why would she he's innocent. He's not like those guilty prisoners. Him and Kotoko are the same in that regard.

This is the mindset that grated Kotoko so much. Even though she was right she was the same as the other prisoners who had been voted innocent. Seeing them sitting in the same spot as she was made her more conscious of her own shortcomings. Having them innocent with her was like saying they were the same which to her and in the eyes of other prisoners may be the furthest thing from true and the biggest insult they could receive.

Yet it was this that made it easy for Haruka to come in and calmly discuss Shidou and Kazui attempting to negotiate a ceasefire with her. Because it wasn't his problem he was never worried about being attacked because he's innocent. Just like with Mu. It wasn't their problem,

"Ah, um, since it's a situation like this, we're all staying close to Shidou-san. Kotoko-san is the only one who's acting on their own."

...Oh?

"A-ah, um... Kotoko-san said she currently has no intention of attacking anyone. So, Shidou-san and Kazui-san had cea-ceasefire negotiations, they called it. With her..."

...

It was easy to talk about it in that way all up until the point he realized it could impact him. He and Mu did a lot of similar things within their second voice dramas. That display the impact that they've had on each other. The good and the bad.

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter.

"...!!!!!!"

...

"Ugh...! Why?! Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!"

...!

"It's weird! You said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!"

[sound of something hitting the table (more than likely his palm)]

...!

"Argh- it's weird! It's weird!" [stomping around]

Pipe down! You're hurting my ears.

"...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!"

Hahaha! You sure have developed and attitude! Go ahead and try! Idiot!

"Don't... make fun of me...!" [sound of running] "Ghhh, guh...! My body...won't move...!"

Is your memory that bad? Violence from the prisoners towards the warden is prohibited. Well...with one exception.

"Gh...!"

Later On

"Even though you said you would forgive me..."

You were told upfront that this is a three trial system.

"Why are you bullying me like this?"

I'm not bullying you. I'm simply trying to figure out whether I should forgive you or not and by extension, whether your actions were wrong or not.

"There's no way it was wrong! If I hadn't done it, nobody would have looked at me!"

You killed to gain attention? The you who was never loved by anyone?

"That's right! Because if I just remained a good-for-nothing, nobody would ever care about me!"

Just because of that, someone-

"Aren't I the only unfortunate person here?! Because I'm the only one who could never do anything since I was born, because I could never do the same things as everyone around me, my mother gave up on me and I stopped existing in her world!"

Even later (Fuck it honestly just listen to both side by side at this point.)

Rest assured, Haruka. Taking your circumstances and your feelings into consideration, I'll judge-

"As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all."

Huh? Never have been.

"Yeah...? Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either."

What are you saying?

"Heheheh, hahahaha...!"

You're pretty scary you know?

"Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble."

...

"My mother was Mu-san all along."

Huh?

"Mu-san is my mother."

I don't think that's right.

"It is, though?"

Is that really something you can deny...

"Mu-san praises me. The useless me... She praises me, acknowledges me, looks at me, and she needs me. My current self only exists thanks to Mu-san."

You did say you had two benefactors. So, the other one was Mu, huh?

"That's right. As long as Mu-san is here, I feel like there's a meaning to me coming to Milgram."

...

"I've met my real mother, so I'm happy. I'm sorry for causing problems earlier. I need to be a good boy- For Mu-san's sake as well."

This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...? Haruka desires a mother, but what could it be that Mu wants from him...?

You know I've been transcribing this shit too long when I see the words,

"Haruka desires a mother but what could it be that Mu wants from him?" and the first thing I think is come on vaminos- at this Dora the explorer ass question they ain't even being subtle! They're just out here like, "Whatever could she want?" Meanwhile in his fucking second trial song-

"I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

Ya know I can't say what she wants really. The funniest twist everyone looking at the middle schooler and office worker like they're gonna be trained assassins. Meanwhile- OH SHIT IT'S HARUKA COMING IN WITH THE BLADE! It's still sending me this statement is phrased like a fucking early reader comprehension test question. Why did they phrase it like this? Like,

Were you paying attention? Test your knowledge.

What does Haruka want from Es?

A. A license to kill.

B. To be judged fairly for his actions and held to account.

C. A Innocent Verdict/Forgiveness

D. For Es to leave everyone alone. So, they can all know peace.

E. A Guilty Verdict/Not to be Forgiven

What upset Haruka?

A. Kotoko's violent actions.

B. Kazui's and Shidou's attempt at mediating.

C. Es' judgment.

D. Not having a mother.

E. Es' judgment changing.

What does Haruka gain from Mu?

A. Stability.

B. Friendship.

C. Mutual Respect.

D. A maternal figure.

E. More mother issues to unpack in therapy.

I shouldn't be talking about reading comprehension questions like that. It was a good question to pose. Yet the overlap between Mu and Haruka's actions within their voice dramas trial two speaks volumes about how they enable each other and the ways they've become isolated from the rest of the cast. It's definitely not the healthiest dynamic but not the worse I've seen as of now. For example even though I stated that Haruka was still on good terms with Yuno from his perspective...

The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual. Since Yuno went on record stating that Haruka and Mu were beginning to annoy her. Haruka is more than likely collateral damage since Yuno has been annoyed with Mu for a good while now and his close proximity to her at this point. So she can't see one without bumping into the other.

Since Yuno seems to be trying to avoid Mu as much as possible that may extend to Haruka as well and play into why Yuno hasn't checked up on him. Even though Yuno herself says she has no intention of just letting someone die in front of her and has spent a good deal of these trials taking care of others. She has no real character reason not to want to help/check on Haruka but every character reason to not want to be near Mu who is always just posted up outside of Haruka's door going look I'm taking care of him.

So, she definitely wouldn't check unlike Futa who doesn't really have those issues with Mu or has been bothered by her in the same ways Yuno has. I don't know why Kazui isn't checking but like it's not his job to regardless. If someone gets hurt it's not really on him solely. Just because the audience and Shidou projected this caretaker and protector role onto him does not mean he will live up to it or even wants to.

I think the fact he hasn't checked is fishy but well it's not surprising. Shidou on the other hand- Well he's weird for the opposite reason. If Mahiru is still in a bad state how did he even make time to check on Haruka and Mu? Again he states he's worried about Amane and someone should do something about her but when given free time doesn't really treat that as much of a priority.

We haven't seen Mahiru in a long time (this changed with Kotoko's birthday interaction where Mahiru actively seeks her out even noting it's still hard to move while doing so which hello just raises more questions about this) but Haruka, Mu, Kazui, and Mikoto could have all gone to check on her but none of them have. I'm not holding it against Mu since Yuno directly told her to stay out of the way when they spoke after the attacks on her birthday. So she at least has in character reasons for not going.

Haruka may not be going because he realizes Mu isn't on good terms with Yuno right now. Since neither of them are hiding that. Kazui and Mikoto are weird though. Mikoto claims he attacked Mahiru but hasn't gone to apologize about that at all or gain clarity on it? Like that's kind of the bare minimum he could do if he truly believed that were the case. Which his second written interrogation implies.

Kazui is just like sir you're not doing anything else you might as well. Like I'm well aware he may not want to be bothered and may find Mahiru difficult to deal with but like you've seen Shidou enough to have seen her too. Which is the weird thing Shidou has had time for Kazui despite Mahiru needing constant care. Plus Amane and Futa have both gone to see her. So, it's not as though Mahiru is under lock and key.

So a part of me is like why are you avoiding doing that. Now with Mikoto there's an argument to be made that he's afraid he'll make her uncomfortable. He knows he fought with Kotoko and went up to her for her birthday though. Like he just kind of played that off like he didn't remember but he remembers attacking Mahiru?

Something multiple other parties have gone oh well he didn't do that. He attacked Kotoko while she was in the middle of attacking Mahiru. Kotoko has said that, Kazui said they were fighting and it was best to keep them that way, Yuno said they were fighting and commented on Mikoto being stronger than she thought, Mahiru never brought up Mikoto ever attacking her and only focused on how she forgave Kotoko for attacking her.

So after a point one has to question how Mikoto knows about Mahiru's attack but conveniently doesn't know Kotoko was there. There's memory issues and then there's like the fact he's actively avoiding everyone that would have a different recollection of those events while still trying to be chummy with the person he very much did jump according to several other parties. All of whom have no reason to lie-

Mahiru thinks Mikoto is a cheater and does not trust him she has more reason to lie on him being the one that jumped her than just forgive Kotoko.

Kazui literally had zero reason to lie there and even went it benefits me more if you keep them on opposite sides and they continue to fight each other.

Yuno does not like Kotoko and thinks Mikoto's pleasantries are forced. She says she would never be Kotoko's friend and the nicest thing she's said about Mikoto is again that comment about him being stronger than she thought.

All three of the parties who have spoken on this actually just have no vested interest in whatever is going on with Mikoto. Other than Kazui who doesn't want Mikoto to team up with Kotoko solely because he knows with a teammate Mikoto could kick his ass. And even then his interest wasn't let's make Mikoto look worse it was just let's keep these two away from each other and their goals from aligning. Like with Mu and Haruka. Which is fair.

Mu Second Voice Drama

"What do you mean?"

How did it come to that in the first place? What was the cause of it? That's what I don't know. You could say it was conveniently omitted.

"..."

Even you yourself refuse to go there. Is it a topic you don't want to touch upon?

"...Warden-san I think you're really doing something bad. Isn't it a bad thing to act like there has to be something wrong with someone for them to get bullied?"

Oh?

"No matter the circumstances it's always the bullies who are in the wrong! Isn't that obvious? Warden-san you're so smart but you didn't even know something like that? Maybe you should take some lessons on morals or something?"

...

"Besides, even if I've done something wrong, there's nothing that can justify bullying. Warden-san I thought you were nicer than this."

My sincerest apologies for not living up to your expectations.

Later on in Mu's second voice drama

Right, right. And here I was speculating that you might've originally been playing the opposite role...

[sound of something hitting the tabletop (possibly her palm)]

...!

"What are you getting at?"

Just that we could also speculate that you'd been the bully until the tables ended up turning on you.

"Do you realize what an awful thing you're saying right now?!"

What are you getting this angry for? I thought you hadn't done anything wrong?

"Warden-san... I hate you."

Haruka and Mu both have intense reactions in response to the idea that Es' opinion of them wasn't as unanimous as they thought. That they had doubts about it. Yet, they're both incredibly doubtful and fickle when it comes to their relationships as well. Think about it- Haruka had no issue talking to Kotoko several times after she attacked multiple people but could barely get a sentence out around her at the start of this. Yet, her violence didn't scare him off he wasn't worried for his safety showing that his fear wasn't being attacked but always was rejection like Mu's. Yet, he rejected others and drifted away from them despite displaying how much he dislikes the same thing. Then once he was in the same position as those he distanced himself from he was suddenly willing to confide in those guilty prisoners he may have been ignored previously for what seems to have been until the cameras were rolling again.

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Oh wait no. Haruka didn't even go to confide in Futa. Futa did the thing people keep bitching about no one doing and went to check on Haruka himself. Who again when Futa was at his lowest was off ,

"I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot."

To be completely real with you it makes me wonder if the only reason Haruka is worried about people changing up on him is because he so easily changes up on others. Because when Mikoto and Futa were going through it where was Haruka- Looking after his self.

Because like Futa said,

Q.02 What do you think of Haruka?

Futa: I can’t afford to be worrying about other people at the moment Anyway, he’s not a little kid.

Okay, just got back from a break one of many I took after world events and- Ya, know... Someone in this fandom accused me of a felony a while back. Look if anyone has gotten this far I'm really anticipating them glancing at this and keeping it moving. But yeah that happened. Then they accused my friends of a felony as well. People will be like blocking isn't personal and shit but like each time I've blocked someone it's actually been due to consistent harassment that I have actually attempted to talk out as much as I can extend myself to do so. I think any rational person draws the line at someone accusing their partner and close friend of a crime.

Especially when a good way to go well that's not true is just blocking the person and moving on since the crime in question was cyberstalking. Then person wanted to go this is your fault for taking my concerns seriously instead of telling me to touch grass after I did that which like um what the hell. I'm not saying this is a good way to gage the reactionary nature of Milgram fans but like after a point there is no discussion to be had you just gotta accept some people like their life more if they can assume others are cruel and evil to validate their own inconsiderate and uncaring behavior. Like Haruka and Mu nothing is ever your fault if everyone else is the villain and your the weak helpless victim in whatever narrative one creates to help themselves sleep at night.

Some people really only care about people solely in the context of the role they play in their narrative. Haruka is no exception to this. He only cares about Mu because right now she fits into the role of mother. Es even brings up that their desires have happened to albeit conveniently overlap,

"This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...?"

So, what happens when that stops being the case for one or both of them?

Like the case of Futa and Mikoto. Two people Haruka relied on for socialization but as soon as their social standing fell he begun to distance himself from them. A lot of people in this world project what they're willing to do to others on those around them without a second thought. Just so they don't have to feel alone in their callousness. It's not a case of who is using whom when it comes to Mu and Haruka.

It's a case of whose usefulness will run out first or if it will at all. Something like that is a bit of a double edged sword isn't it? One could say it' like a person pointing their weapon at themselves and their enemy all at once. A true double bind.

How unfortunate.

[jacarandaaaas]

I’ve noticed a shift in the fandom lately and I’m sure many of you have too and I think I’ve identified why it feels like the fandom is shrinking or dare I say “dying”. It’s interactions.more so the LACK of interactions. there are still so many people who post art and stuff on here but they don’t stick around, why? well because the fandom feels unwelcoming. And this isn’t some weird call out type thing I think we’re all guilty of it to an extent but the sense of community in this fandom is rare. people only reblog their mutuals and they don’t give new accounts a chance.

I feel like i can say I’ve noticed a huge difference as I’ve been here since mid 2022. but back then even if you weren’t mutuals with people you still reblogged and interacted even in 2023 the vibe still felt the same you still feel that support. tumblr as a platform is built on the sense of community and interaction. asks!! people barely use them anymore and I see people (including myself) basically asking people to interact because they don’t! so I guess what I’m trying to say is if we were more welcoming to new people maybe it wouldn’t feel like the fandom is just a void of its former self.

[mrmeepsmadmind]

traumatized dickweeds turn to torturing each other so they can distract from the fact that they both need therapy

[unforth]

@esper-aroon has enabled me, so here let me scream at y'all about The Imperial Uncle.

Okay, so I recently read The Imperial Uncle (Huang Shu) by Da Feng Gua Guo from Peach Flower House and I really loved it??? It's first person pov, mlm, about the Emperor's uncle Jing Chengjun, who is mistrusted by everyone simply because of who his parents were and his position, and so he's basically given up on trying to convince people that he's actually a nice, decent person without ulterior motives. He's super trapped by his position, and there's so much he can't say and do, and he's also a hopeless romantic, like, from his own mouth all he really wants is to sleep beside and wake up next to someone who actually gives a shit about him, and even that is basically out of reach in his life. Like, the book starts with his wife (who he has never once had sex with) storming into a meeting he's having and announcing he's a cuckold and she's pregnant.

But also, this poor bastard really thinks he knows what's going on and his very smart. Very unreliable narrator. He's actually kinda a hilarious, impulsive himbo. But the TL:DR is that his loneliness and isolation and the extent to which he's politically trapped routinely lead him to make absolutely terrible decisions.

E. Danglar's translation is absolutely gorgeous, too, and... idk, if you love political plots, melodramatic idiot main characters, a dose of pining, and a slow burn that eventually pays off, come take a look??? (some people think it's a love triangle??? idk, I never really got that vibe, I never felt it was really in doubt which of the two potential dudes he'd end up with, but maybe I only feel that way because I got it right, lmao).

Anyway, I can't stop thinking about how these two idiots end up finally finding each other and getting together, and I have an entire AU in my head (a modern corporate one) and part of another (canon divergent from like a decade before the book starts), and I just want people to love this book as much as I did and scream with me about it.

[longagoitwastuesday]

Kusakabe, dear, you're too beautiful to be saying that kind of stuff

[crossbackpoke-check]

inspired by @colap1nto <3 and posting here to hold myself accountable: writevember! attempting to write something every day no matter how much and what it is

i am however inventing stipulations for myself so i cannot weasel my way out of it, which includes a valid definition of “write”:

actively put words into a document in the form of a proper fic!!! too many wip not enough hands!!

poems (actually laughed at me coming up with this but maybe i will go back to my roots)

research/meta/primers

tag stories are permissible IF i actually compile and edit them into a readable document that day

editing to post to ao3 (the optimism) is also valid. it takes me so long

i do have concrete arbitrary deadlines for one and a half fics that i would LOVE to finish and post in november (dewey^2 and [redacted :)]) so i’m hoping this helps!! also, this is secretly just a sticker chart where i get to put down emojis for each fic i worked on and check off boxes but a win is a win

day 1:🪻🐈‍⬛

day 2: 😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜)

day 3:🫃2️⃣

day 4: 🍎

day 5:🫃2️⃣

day 6: 📑, 💌

day 7:🫃2️⃣ AND ☁️💧. who is she

day 8:🪻🐈‍⬛

day 9:🫃2️⃣

day 10:🫃2️⃣

day 11:🫃2️⃣ we are on a STREAK and also a countdown 🫡

day 12:🫃2️⃣

day 13:🫃2️⃣

day 14: 📬💍

day 15: 😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜)

day 16:🫃2️⃣

day 17: 🔴 ⚫️,🫃2️⃣

day 18:🪻🐈‍⬛

day 19:🪻🐈‍⬛, 😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜)

day 20:🫃2️⃣

day 21:🫃2️⃣, 🤫 🪽🃏

day 22:🫃2️⃣

day 23: 💯❕

day 24: 🪢

day 25: 🐛🏮🦋

day 26:🫃2️⃣

day 27:🫃2️⃣

day 28:🫃2️⃣

day 29:🫃2️⃣

day 30:🫃2️⃣

WRITEMBER RECAP: an overall sucess!!!! this was so much fun and really forced me to write even if it was only a little bit every day. like, to the point that i'm debating doing a cute little twelve days of christmas snippet fest. absolutely could not have finished and published dewey^2 p2 without this challenge or posted p3 :)

thirty days of writing

twelve different fics worked on

poems: 1

i have no word count for you sorry i wish i did but it is at least over a few thousand words!!!!

times i wrote for a day past midnight (making it technically the next day) but because i was still awake i counted it for that day: at least 17 if not closer to like. 25

tags i forgot what they mean: one. what the FUCK is 🪢??? OH MY GOD I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT IS NEVERMIND

duolingo streak (worked on the same fic in a row): 5

[fandomsoda]

Realizing something about a situation that definitely is the most reasonable explanation and was clarified to me a while beforehand. Sure there are what-ifs and it could actually be worse than I think now but tbh it’s probably not and I’ve probably been overreacting god kill me

[rocklobstering]

everybody needs to relax i think

[arolesbianism]

Shakes the bars of my cage I need to draw soooo bad I need to draw I need to draw let me draw I have to draw I need to draw I must draw (<- has been too sick to be on electronics much and doesn't like doing traditional art)

[good-beansdraws]

Did a few fun official art redraws :3

I really love how the 2nd anni art came out :3 I'm most proud of that one for sure

The pose for the recent anni art looks a little stiff but not only was the reference out of love, but it actually really fits the bouquet/victim symbolism (<- she has thought way too much of the symbolism/motifs of a character that doesn't even exist but it WORKS)

Rip Muu in the raincoat collab but I just wanted to see if she'd fit in with the others adsfsd. Thank you to Tsumi whose post inspired me to finish that one 👍

And ah... I have mixed feelings on the last one... I didn't want to have to redraw all 12 cast members and the whole scene, but I'm still pretty bad at mimicking styles and I feel like it's so obvious that she's just pasted in 💀Still, it was a really good exercise in art and I'm proud of the experimentation! Plus, no matter how I'm tempted to cringe, it was very silly and I recommend drawing yourself anime-villain-style LMAO

I was originally waiting to post until I did cover song redraws I have planned, but that's going to take me 80 years and I figured I can share what I have now lol

Massive Milgramsona art/info dump as a treat to myself!! Alas, my fatal flaw is being unable to shut up about anything even while simultaneously embarrassed/nervous to share, so here's literally all the info I have on her 😅

Profile:

Name: For the sake of posting online I’ll call her Rose!

Number: 012

Color: #E7355B

Age: She’d be 20 when Milgram started

Status: Milgram Staff, Machine Technician

Song genre: Pop/theater (a mix of Mahiru and Kazui's vibes)

Backstory: She is studying abroad in Japan to work on technology related to the mv machine when she stumbles into top secret info about the trials. Horrified at the lack of prior testing, she demands to be included in the experiment to make sure the brand new tech runs smoothly and doesn't harm anyone in the process. To prevent her leaking info to the public and deciding an extra participant wouldn't hurt, Milgram agrees.

Role: Rose performs routine maintenance and updates on the extraction machine, and checks in with prisoners' health to make sure it's not having any adverse effects. She listens in on the interrogations, ringing the bell to signal Es when the machine is ready for use (re: my theory on how it works >:3). She then watches the mvs after Es to make sure there are no glitches.

(Though she is a personal milgramsona, her role in the story is supposed to reflect the audience's experience overall when it comes to how much info we know, emotions we experiencing regarding guilt/responsibility, and how much power over events we actually have given the voting system and trial breaks.)

Trial 1

Jackalope's comments during trial commencement: Oh, I almost forgot participant 012, Rose. We've never had more than one staff member before, so we figured that sort of numbering would be fine. Hey, don't look at me, it's not like it was our idea to include her. She's not a prisoner -- the only crime she's committed is sticking her nose where it didn't belong... You can ask her for the details, but she's just here for maintenance on our extraction machine. It's not easy keeping that thing running smoothly, you know? As part of her duties, she'll be privy to all the same information as you, but don't let her be any more of a busybody than she already is -- she has absolutely no authority when it comes to your verdict decisions, got it?

MV: Mic Check - “Can anyone hear me?”

VD: Positive Feedback

Cover: Pathological Facade - Ghost

Her album would release last in line. The VDs aren't interrogations since there's been no crime -- Es asks about her duties and observations of the prison. In them, she admits her predictions that she and Es will eventually be on trial for their involvement in the prisoner's fates.

Thus, her mvs are focused on her emotions towards the prisoners, her pride in helping bring justice, and her guilt at providing Milgram a means to pass judgement on people she cared about. I'm going to Goncharov the actual mvs/songs, but Mic Check is generally an introduction to her job behind the scenes prepping the equipment that will allow the prisoners' songs to be heard, as well kick off symbolism of her as a performer herself. She'll make a comment about how the experiment is leading to tragedy, "as if someone said Macbeth" (then covers her mouth, as she's standing in a theater herself).

I kept getting tripped up looking for Deco*27 songs that worked and weren't already taken, so I decided to go with some favorites and vibe-matching songs from other artists!

Comments during trial closing: It's good to hear you weren't a pushover when Rose gave her thoughts on the verdicts -- you guys disagreed on quite a few of them, eh? Ah... so she's not the type to pick fights, is that it? I guess that explains how she's managed to get along with everyone. (sigh) Even you knew better than to get attached like that. Well, at least she's kept our machine up and running the whole time.

Trial 2

Commencement: Now I need to wake Rose. We're going to need some extra upgrades to our machine if we want to get the most out of this round of extractions. I've got a sneaking suspicion that she and her bleeding heart are going to try and sway you during this trial. Her duty is specifically to look out for the prisoners' safety, but yours is only to judge them. Don't forget that.

MV: Changement - “Don’t say ‘break a leg,’ if it might just break.”

VD: Control Variable

Cover: TOXY - Kujiragi

I did my best to write out the title pronunciation out in katakana since I wanted it as the name of the dance move, not a direct translation of meaning. I went with シャジェモ "sha-je-mo" as the closest I could get to the "shanj-mou" sound, but feel free to correct me if there's a better way to write it. The door is based off of various set designs for Clara's home in The Nutcracker. (There's no deep meaning that this is the only one not opening -- I realized too late all the others are cracked open and my art app doesn't have the tools to easily fix that so I'm sticking with it 😭)

A changement is a small jump in ballet -- I thought it was fun to combine that (which means "to change") with Control Variable (refering to the variable in an experiment that never changes). The video shows conflicting emotions as her decisions/inaction caused so much to happen between trials, yet at the same time she feels like there's so much she'll be unable to change even if she really wants to intervene. Her mvs show the prisoners pretty regularly (since they are her crime, she's realized), and the teaser line is paired with references to Mahiru's broken leg.

The thumbnail combines different areas of study -- mechanical, medical, musical, mathematical (theater spotlight, muscles, Weakness notes, motion formulas). I think it's super cool how many areas of expertise are passed around the fanbase when discussing the characters. I've picked up new facts about plants, food, anatomy, geography, music, animals language, (sigh. color theory.), hobbies, professions, mythology, etc from fans with different fields of knowledge. While that's one of my favorite aspects of the project from the outside, I think it would be super intimidating to someone on the inside trying to tackle so much information at once.

Closing: As for Rose... (laughs) I thought she was dooming herself before--! Not only has she gotten hopelessly attached to everyone over the course of this trial, she's even started a relationship with one of the prisoners! And of all the people she could have chosen... Eh? Oh no, we have no policies against that for our staff. I mean, the whole point of Milgram is to explore human nature, the power of emotions, the complexities of connections, all that crap. I'm just grateful she shows a bit more common sense when she's operating the machine...

Trial 3

MV: Showstopper - “There won’t be applause, but I’ll take a bow, okay?”

VD: Please Exit Left

Cover: Ironina - Nilfruits

I don't know the album theme yet, but this is the tentative sprite and thumbnail design. The T2 sprite was kind of an "innocent" one, since at the beginning she still has faith in her role in the prison, excited to work with everyone there. (Plus, I joined the fandom a little after t2 started so that's peak excitement time lol). The T3 sprite has much more of a "guitly" feel to it because, at the end of T2 and after this hiatus, she'd harbor a lot more guilt about her position and fear about the experiment's conclusion. As a fun little detail, her pencil has been replaced with a more permanent utensil as final verdicts are locked in.

Now listen. My artist brain was constantly fighting my science brain when doing sprite designs -- I know gloves like that and nothing else isn't proper PPE. I know none of those are safety shoes (god forbid wearing just socks??? to the lab???). There should be no jewellery at all. The whole point of a lab coat is that you don't roll up the sleeves and expose your bare skin. However. It's anime character design. There can be compromise.

Referencing Rose's personal life as a performance and comparing Milgram's trials to one, I wanted the mv to play on "showstopper" as both a great show and a literal attempt to stop the project before it reaches its finale. There would be creepy comparisons in the mv between operating stage equipment and prison executions: curtain/set ropes and nooses, heavy duty lightswitches and electric chairs, etc.

Misc.

And lightening things up again -- birthday art and minigrams :3

Birth flower: Camellias. Pink camellias symbolize love but also longing. The fact that they bloom in winter, and have a quick death (the entire flower wilts at once, instead of individual petals falling off), have inspired different meanings in different cultures -- overcoming hard times, facing death in battle, inseparable lovers, and so on

Three minigrams featuring my own annoyance that her design is a bit close to Shidou's coat/gloves look, a mandatory short joke, and a pun that works so perfectly for my Put-In-Situations guy

[anexperimentallife]

Project 2025 would ban anything the far right considers pornography. The far right considers anything queer-positive to be pornography, and they WILL encode that into law if given just a TINY bit more power.

Have queer fanfic (or trad published literature) or pics of your transition, or of two men kissing, saved to your hard drive? If the GOP get their way, you'd be guilty of possession of pornography. Did you share any of it? You'd be guilty of distribution of pornography. Have a sweet coming of age story with a queer protagonist? That'd be child pornography.

Even now, states are trying to make it a crime to be openly queer in public (by, among other things, classifying dressing as the "wrong gender" anyplace kids might see as a sex crime against children). Oh, and Florida tried (and thankfully failed) to impose the death penalty for the above.

This is just one example of the horrors awaiting us if the project comes to fruition.

And the far right is already screaming that any adult who mentions around kids that queer people exist is "grooming" children. Wear your Pride shirt past a playground? You're now a child groomer. Think they won't put that into law if allowed? You're naive.

The GOP currently controls the Supreme Court (which is how they overturned Roe v. Wade) and has a majority in one branch of congress. Imagine what will happen nationwide with the GOP controlling every branch of government, including supermajoroties in both houses of Congress.

Oh, and top GOP officials have also announced their desire to NUKE Gaza, so don't come at me with, "but I can't vote blue because Biden..." Or tell me how you think Gaza would somehow be better off with Trump and the GOP.

In France, the left and center joined together--even though they disagree vehemently on many issues (get two leftists together and they'll have three positions on any issue)--to stop the far right from totally taking over, because the one thing they ALL agree on is that fascists dictatorships are BAD.

Much the same with the UK finally kicking out their own neo-fascist party, the Torries, to install 400 Labour MPs. Not everyone loves Labour's policies, but virtually everyone with a brain cell recognizes that the Torries are fascists, and that FASCISM BAD.

"Every election, they tell us this is the most important election if our lives!" Yeah, because each election over the past several decades has been more important than the one before, until we are now at a tipping point between remaining a fucked up oligarchy with SOME resemblance to freedom, and an outright neo-fascist military dictatorship.

Trump has literally stated publicly his intent to criminalize dissent, use US armed forces against protesters (Kent State, but multiply it by thousands), purge all agencies and stuff them with those personally loyal to him, and use the DOJ to go after anyone he perceives as a threat to his political power, among other things.

And remember the things he did in office, like pulling the teeth of federal workplace protections for queer folks (which Biden reatored).

I don't care if you don't like Biden or Harris. Neither do I. But the alternative is Trump, and anyone telling you not to vote in 2024, or to vote third party, is rooting for Trump, and for Project 2025. Anyone telling you not to vote does not give one single solitary flying fuck about vulnerable populations in the US or anywhere else in the world.

"You're just being an alarmist!" Right. Like I was being alarmist when I predicted the failed Jan 6 coup attempt. Like I was being alarmist when I said the GOP would try to use control over SCOTUS to overturn Roe v. Wade.

Fucking vote.

[faerygardenparty]

I really try not to be a conspiracy theorist but I’m seriously flip flopping on whether or not I believe Luigi Mangione actually did it, on one hand this guy’s digital footprint is too vast to not be a real person with real motive, but on the other hand the circumstances of how they caught him are so odd that it just doesn’t add up, like, he wore very nondescript clothing and a mask the day of the shooting, suggesting he doesn’t want to be identified, despite this they were somehow able to identify him at a hostel in different clothing without a mask, he not only fled the scene but allegedly fled New York with a fake ID that the police recovered, several days later they found him in Pennsylvania carrying around all of the evidence in his backpack, including a manifesto, gun, and fake ID, the police also claim he had somewhere between $8,000-$12,000 in his bag, yet when asked about it Luigi claims he had no idea where the money came from and suggests it was planted (which raises several more alarm bells because if this “evidence” was planted then what else could they have fabricated to “catch” this guy?)

this not mentioning the fact that I find it really odd that this guy didn’t digitally publish his manifesto and instead chose to carry a physical copy of it around for days

this all could mean that he wanted to get caught but if that’s the case why go to Pennsylvania at all? why not just stay in New York?

I will say, though, that I think some of this can also be explained by this comment on Reddit:

regardless, the circumstances are suspicious as hell

edit: I realized I forgot to mention this part but it’s also so suspicious how everyone, the police, the media, whatever, are all 100% certain that Luigi Mangione did it, I’ve seen so many high profile cases where cops do press conferences and say “this is America, the suspect is innocent until proven guilty!” yet they’re not even calling Luigi a suspect, they’re outright saying he is the shooter and that he did do it, that’s just weird to me

[lqveharrington]

Gentleman | R.L.

summary: remus lupin is the perfect gentleman.

pairing: remus lupin x fem!reader

includes: fluff, you and sirius are practically siblings, rem defending his girlfriend, someone gets pushed off a boat

a/n: all my inspo literally comes from the music i listen to 😭

James had invited the entire group down to the lake for the summer because it was the last summer before the last year of Hogwarts. He thought it should be memorable, and everyone loved the idea. His parents allowed him to borrow the lake house and boat, but only if everyone's parents were okay with it. Of course, your parents trusted you with your friends. The only rule was to stay in separate rooms from your boyfriend. Oopsies.

As the Potters’ boat slowed to a calm stop, the summer wind continued to blow through the air, the clouds nonexistent in the blue sky. The sun shimmered across the lake water and the radio played the top hits of the month, the sound drowning from the talking of the boat’s riders.

When Sirius had enough of all the chitchat, he quickly shed himself of his top and jumped into the lake water, splashing Marlene who was trying to tan on the boats end. She cursed him out and threatened to pull the ladder away when he splashed her again.

Witnessing the entire interaction, you hid a laugh behind a smile and left the girls to sit beside Remus who was sitting underneath the shade of the boat. You tucked your legs underneath your lap and leaned your chin on his shoulder. On instinct, his calloused hand found the space underneath your calf and gently squeezed even when talking to James. You admired his face glowing in the sun for a beat, eyes following the scars that were left behind from bad nights before he finally turned and met your loving eyes.

“Hey.” You murmur and grin when you felt him press a soft kiss to your lips. “Sirius just went into the water." He hummed and kissed you again, making you hum and separate once more. "You don't want to join him?”

“And leave you here all by yourself? What type of man do you think I am?” He thumbed your leg and felt for the rushing blood, ensuring there was a pule and that you were in fact real. It was a habit he was quick to have learned because of a full moon incident a year ago.

You shrug and rest your cheek on his shoulder instead, watching the gulls fly by and circle the food James was grilling. As he tried fighting them off with tongs, Lily and Dorcas began to draw sunscreen images on Marlene's back, not bothering to cover up their giggles.

“You don’t want to join the girls?” Remus tilted his head and scanned your side profile, following the contour of your face. He memorized every single bump and crease, gingerly tucking a piece of loose hair behind your ear when you looked back over at him.

You raise a brow at his guilty smile and analyze his mannerism, rubbing the one bit of sunscreen into his cheek. "What?"

“You just wanna stay in the shade with me, don't you, dovey?" He brought his hand up and gently cupped your cheek, pulling you close enough so he could press a kiss to your temple.

“Of course, wherever you are, I follow.” You grin as a blush creeps up your neck, not realizing Sirius had gotten out of the water and rolled his eyes at how affectionate the both of you were being.

“You two are so gross." He covered his eyes before shaking his head like the dog he was — ridding himself of all the water he brought up with him.

You groaned when you got hit with the water, glaring at the long-haired boy. He stuck his tongue out at you which you retaliated with your middle finger. You swore that Sirius had a secret hatred for you since you began dating Remus over a year ago.

Sirius gasped at your gesture and put a hand on his chest, returning the finger. Remus rolled his eyes at the both of you and gave you a pointed look, making you cover it with your hand.

"Prongs, do something! The lady won't go down without a fight!" SIrius complained and popped a soda can out of the cooler, leaning against the railing of the boat.

“Mate, I don’t know what you want me to do.” James threw him a confused look and reached inside the cooler to hand Lily her own can. "Besides, I can't do much here."

“You could toss her over board." Sirius muttered loud enough for you to whip your head toward him and glare.

"You were being mean first!" You move to stand only to be pulled back down into your seat. From the corner of your eye, you saw Remus pursing his lips in thought, making you sigh. "Rem—"

“Sit.” He practically commanded, rolling his eyes once more when you crossed your arms and legs in annoyance. But when you noticed his quick wink, you realize what he was going to do.

You smiled slyly toward Sirius when he met your eyes again. The poor unsuspecting bloke. Sirius gave you an annoyed look and went to say something — probably insulting all women — when Remus pulled him aside.

Assuming Remus was going to hangout with him instead of you, Sirius stuck his tongue out before yelping in surprise as Remus pushed him off the boat. Your eyes widened with a smile, stretching your neck to see where Sirius was flailing. The three girls burst out into laughter at the predicament and quickly moved away from all the splashing water, grabbing a polaroid to take a picture before he could get out. James just shook his head in disbelief, clasping his arm around Sirius’ and helping him up.

Remus tossed a towel in Sirius' direction before sitting beside you again, kissing the side of your head like nothing happened. You gave him cheeky smile and laced your hand with his.

“What a gentleman.” You chide before letting out a noise of surprise at the feeling of his lips on yours, dropping your hand to lay flat on his chest.

“Some gentleman you are.” Sirius muttered as he dried himself off. When he realized Remus was staring back at him with an unimpressed look, he took a huge step back behind James and quickly apologized. “Kidding, I’m kidding.”

You send him another death glare before staring up at Remus with soft eyes as he thumbed your palm, a small smile taking over your face. "You know we're probably going to get pranked anytime soon, right?"

"As long as I spend quality time with you, I think I'll be fine. Besides, he won't try anything too bad." Remus tilted your head up with his index finger. "I'm a gentleman anyway."

©lqveharrington - all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or share my work on other media platforms

[velvetwyrme]

which deception would have an sti AND fuck cars?

in reference to: https://www.tumblr.com/penny-anna/767952128217104384/imagine-youre-a-mechanic-in-the-transformers?source=share

okay. so. first off. anon, thank you for sending me this because the idea that you read that post and just went- "hey, you know who i should pose this question to?" and sent it to me- is hysterical and i lvoe u.

anyway theres also a Texty answer under the cut if you want to read that, because i genuinely DO have thoughts about this, but i wanted to draw that comic because this ask made me laugh very hard when i saw it in my inbox.

also, the thrilling conclusion of the comic answer:

he fucked that car!!!!!!!

hi! Texty time. I think a lot of them would have/be one but not the other (either has a STI or is a Carfucker) but i included some of those here anyway because i think my thought process was funny for some of them. this is all purely my own opinions etc. etc. no basis for anything only vibes. i went through a lot of options and came to a lot of conclusions.

to reiterate the Chart for claritys sake:

Soundwave: No STI and no Carfucking. This is true across all versions of Soundwave imo. Rumble and Frenzy are a solid no on the STI front and a solid yes on the Carfucking.

Starscream: no STI, no Carfucking (despite what Soundwave thinks). TFP!Starscream specifically might have an STI though. Sorry man. Skywarp definitely has/had a STI but gets it treated on account of his trinemates. No Carfucking. Thundercracker would fuck a car but doesn't have an STI.

Shockwave: ??? - I'm not sure I want to know. "Once, as part of an experiment" was the original thing I wrote for his answer lol. True across continuities as well.

Anyway. moving on...

My actual answer for Megatron: REALLY depends on continuity. Here's a sample:

G1? Yeah, probably both. I can see it.

IDW/MTMTE? Nah. Maybe? ... Nah. I feel like if he had an STI it'd have been back when he was a miner. Would not fuck a car.

Earthspark? I feel like no STI but yes to the Carfucking. Except he feels really guilty about it after. I still haven't watched ES but this is the impression I get from him.

TFA? oh god. i don't know... i don't know....... he probably fucks cars. No STI.

TFP? Yeah absolutely are u kidding me? Yes to both.

Constructicons: I feel like they'd be a yes to both, but not at the same time, so they wouldn't have been the one/s to transmit a STI to a car. Also Hook would be ON TOP of treatment. Once they ALL got infected after combining into Devastator, and that was miserable for everyone. Nobody has fessed up to being the one who had it in the first place, but now they have treatment on hand just in case.

Also while on the topic of combiners... I think some of the Stunticons are also pretty good candidates for STI/Carfucking. Motormaster, Drag Strip and Wildrider in particular shfkgbekfbk

I considered Tarn/The DJD and Overlord just because of how freaky them guys can get, but I think Tarn runs too tight a ship for that to happen, and Overlord is preoccupied with. worse things. The Scavengers on the other hand... sorry to Misfire, I can see him giving a car a STI. Relatedly, Grimlock would fuck a car but not have an STI.

Who else................................ wait.

Astrotrain. I can see it. Okay bye im going to sleep this took me too long to reply to fhfjfbrmfbdj

[sleepymarimo]

𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫.

summary: law might hate bread, might hate sweets, but if eating them is the only way to show you how much he cares, then so be it. pairing: law x fem!reader cw: none! fluff, awkward law. some descriptions of food and textures if you're sensitive to that! wc: ~3.5k (wow!!)

an: this is for my amazing friend @guilty-sugar ! i recall you saying that you were good at baking, but sad that law probably wouldn't eat any. so, we're gonna make him >:)

i have not posted in soooo long so pls forgive me 🥲 i hope you all enjoy law and making him suffer by eating bread!!

the air is getting warm again, he can feel it. it grows so stuffy that he shrugs off his top layer, leaving him in that buttoned shirt he couldn't stop wearing after the one time you told him it looked good.

his eyes scan the medical papers in front of him, but his mind is annoyingly slow today.

law does a grand job of pretending that he doesn't know your schedule, doesn't know the tell tale signs that point to only one conclusion. the air grows hotter, the crew buzzes with poorly repressed excitement and the sound of clinking metal bowls echoes throughout the entire submarine.

it's baking day.

he's been preparing for this. he's finally going to face his biggest enemy yet, a foe that seemed much more intimidating than any warlord or emperor of the sea.

today, granted the ocean didn't swallow him whole, law was going to try some of the baked goods that you were known for making, including the bread.

the thought alone makes his skin crawl, but it pales in comparison to how small he feels in your presence. it irritates him, especially since your intentions have been nothing short of well meaning.

that's what he thinks, anyway.

law runs his tattooed fingers through the black strands of his hair, deciding to forget about whatever paper he's reading about in a bid to feel a semblance of control. he's overthinking, looking too much into things.

do you really smile at him more than everyone else? do you ask about his coin collection because you actually care or are you being polite?

within the upper quadrants of the polar tang, he can just barely hear the others hound you with questions about what you'll be making. no matter what it was, it was sure to be gone in a snap.

a dull thump shakes the sub, but he doesn't think much of it.

bepo, he thinks, probably slipped trying to gather ingredients for you. his suspicion is confirmed when the laughs of penguin and shachi follow shortly after, but the sound doesn't begin to compare to the one that flows out of your lips.

he represses a groan, his way of ignoring how his heartbeat momentarily diverts from it's usual rhythm.

his knuckles grip the sides of his chair, using it as leverage to push himself into a standing position before grabbing his hat and making his way to the kitchen. the air is almost uncomfortably warm now, but he can't find it in himself to be upset with you.

the submarine had been navigating the undersea currents for a while now. a visit to the surface was just about due.

it's not like he planned it like that. no, of course not!

he didn't even think about how the crew would be eager to hop off the vessel, didn't think about how you'd stay behind to bake while he took on the task of keeping you company.

he steps into the kitchen with curiosity, though his expression gives nothing away. it's that same almost neutral face, his brows slightly furrowed and lips teetering on a frown.

bepo is sitting on the floor of the kitchen, the flour dusting his form barely noticeable against his plush white fur. the bear is half-apologetic and half-embarrassed, the former directed toward you while the latter stemmed from the laughter going his way.

"sorry." he grumbles again, thought it looks like you couldn’t care less. bepo seems to have enough of his crew mates, tackling the other two men and making sure to get them covered with flour.

their complaints mesh with your amused laughs, a soundtrack that the polar tang's captain knows well.

law is blind to the scene before him, everything becoming out of focus as he spots you mixing some ingredients into a bowl. you're laughing, nose crinkling and mouth stretching into a grin that almost makes his stoic expression crumble.

the corner of his lips waver, just a little bit, your joy infectious in a way that makes him believe it's an actual disease.

however, he has work to do and baked goods to stomach.

"and what are you all up to?" he asks, arms crossing as he forces his gaze away from you.

it's almost comical how the four of you straighten up, abandoning whatever you're doing to raise a hand to your foreheads in a mock solute. the "hello captain!" that echoes across the room is practically in perfect sync, or at least enough to make him shake his head.

he sighs, telling you guys to quit it. "that doesn't answer my question."

penguin brings a hand down on bepo's back, a cloud of flour puffing into the air as he does so. "sweets day, cap!"

you affirm penguin's statement, tilting your head with a smile as you give a rundown of what's on the menu for today. some cupcakes, a few cookies and a loaf of sourdough.

just the mention of the bread is enough to make him tense.

bepo laxly nods in agreement with you, his black nose twitching as he catches the scent of vanilla extract. his head is in the clouds, not so much on his captain, so he decides to join you at the counter to mix some ingredients together in a bowl.

at the doorway, law gives penguin and shachi a deadpan look.

shachi chimes in with a grin, nodding his head in your direction. his words are meant to be sly, directed toward the captain, but he's unable to hide his amusement. "sweets day with the sweetest member of the crew, don't you think cap-"

"shut up." law interjects, brows pinching together as he takes in the poorly concealed smugness written all over shachi's face. it's on penguin's too now, while bepo has long since abandoned the conversation to help you instead.

it's only because they've known law for so long that the duo know how much he likes you. no amount of scolding or scoffs can make them think otherwise.

the captain can tell by their smiles that they think they have the upper hand, but he ignores them. law speaks before they have a chance to open their mouths again.

"get the sub ready to surface." he orders, cocking his head in the direction of the control room. "we're stopping at the next island."

that seems to get their attention, their heads perking up at the thought of getting out of the cramped submarine. the duo give law their best salute, scrambling away to make preparations for the sub's surfacing.

law shakes his head and lets out a sigh, taking some strong steps toward you and bepo. your dynamic with the bear is one that melts his heart more than he'd ever admit. the way you can shift from witty and bright to determined and caring makes him want to explore every side of you.

he snaps out of his thoughts when you lightly reprimand bepo for stirring the batter too aggressively, a chuckle threatening to leave him.

an announcement is made throughout the sub to prepare the crew for what's to come.

reluctantly, law makes his leave. he'll have time, he'll have you, but he has to take a couple minutes to brace himself for what will happen once the rest of the crew leaves the submarine.

another half hour passes before the sub's hatch is opened.

the fresh air is much needed, the cool breeze like a balm that quells the unease in law's chest. a series of footsteps echo throughout the submarine as crew members make their way to the exit, smiles plastered on their faces.

this island seems lively, welcoming. the sun casts a bright glow over the town in the distance, a plethora of shops and eateries nestled side by side.

even though law is staying aboard, staying with you, there's a sense of proudness that rushes through him as he takes note of the relief plastered onto the faces of his crew. he doesn't let it show, but clearly their happiness affects him.

he lets them run loose, trusting them enough not to cause too much trouble.

his eyes do narrow at penguin and shachi though, the two men snickering a tad as they walk off with bepo in tow. it's like they see through his plot, his ulterior motive, and the captain gives them a look that serves as a warning.

as the blurb of orange jumpsuits fades out of view, law is left with the sound of crashing waves and a light breeze.

his grip tightens on kikoku's hilt, a gesture that he hopes makes what he's about to do a little more easy.

the scent of baked goods wafts out the door, overpowering the salty sea breeze without issue. he can hear you humming along to some random tune, talking to yourself as you navigate through the kitchen.

he follows the trail like a ship to a lighthouse, drawn in by the warmth and splash of color you add to his life.

upon walking into the kitchen, he takes note of how your back is turned to him. you're washing some dishes, the spoils of your work organized neatly on the counter. just the sight of all the sweets is enough to make his stomach ache, but he persists.

you call out to him first, catching him in those all too common moments when he gets lost in his head. "captain? i thought you were gonna head out with the others."

turning off the sink, you dry your hands off with a towel and focus your attention on him. he doesn't miss the slight tilting of your head, how your eyes glimmer with curiosity.

oh, he was horrible at this. no matter how many times he practiced the script in his head, you found a way to unintentionally mess with his psyche. maybe it was your hair, your eyes, everything.

"needed to finish some work here." he lies, so smooth with his words that you don't even think to question it.

with a nod, you give him that smile, the one that pops up in his head while he's reading and makes him lose focus. "if you finish up, maybe you can meet the others in town. or you can keep me company here."

he takes your words in with a hum of acknowledgement, watching you navigate through the kitchen with a natural ease. for a second, he allows the comfortable silence to stretch. he summons all of his courage, swallowing his pride and nodding toward the delicacies on the table.

"can i…" his jaw tenses, the temperature in the room feeling as though it's rising with every tick of the clock. he squeezes the hilt of his weapon more firmly, his throat feeling dry as he looks between your confused face and the frosted treats.

he gets it together, not asking, but declaring. "i want to try what you made."

your brows rise at his words. it's not like your captain to try your baked goods. you'd never taken offense to his reluctance, as you were well aware of his eating habits, but this is completely out of left field.

one could hear a pin drop, his request lingering in the air.

"you… want to try them?" you echo back, unable to hide your skepticism. your eyes browse the array of treats, including the loaf of bread that was still cooling on its rack. "are you sure? which one?"

law doesn't mean to sound so snappy with his response, but internally he's freaking out. your doubt, the subtle concern in your voice, makes him want to prove himself even more.

"i'm sure." he insists, taking some steps toward you until he's at your side. his eyes scan the table, each morsel seeming to laugh in the face of his uncertainty. "i want to try each one."

your eyes follow his, the table sporting a variety of treats ranging from cookies to cupcakes to the star of the show, your fresh sourdough bread. in your head you prepare for disaster, creating a scene that's as comical as it is mildly concerning.

"if you lost a bet to penguin and shachi…" you start, giving him an apologetic glance.

he's quick to cut your accusation short. there are no bets, no pressure from anyone but himself. "no."

when he looks back at you, expectantly, as if he doesn't know how to approach this hurdle, you grab a plate and start to load it up. there was no way you were going to give him a full serving of anything, so you chop off a piece of each dessert and make what you think is a perfect sampler.

he takes the plate from you with a degree of reluctance, but the brushing of your fingers against his acts as a reminder as to why he's doing this. words aren't his specialty. hell, it's hard for him to show how much he cares in general, but he can do this. for you.

his tattooed fingers pick up a piece of… something. it looks sweet, like something he'd hand off to bepo. those black brows of his furrow a tad, as if he's trying to break down the pastry to an atomic level.

taking note of how he seems to be losing himself in his own thoughts, you speak up with confidence and snatch the remaining portion for yourself. "it's just a chocolate chip cookie." you explain, taking a bite of it yourself to show him how it's done. "flour, sugar, eggs…"

"understood." law sighs, trying and failing to act even remotely excited about what was to come.

his teeth sink into the cookie, only a small quarter piece, and he has to keep from making too much of a reaction. from the chocolate clinging to his tongue to the sweetness practically making his gums ache, he finds each chew to be a struggle.

but when his eyes lift to meet yours, seeing the look of anticipation on your face, he finds that the cookie isn't so hard to swallow.

his tongue peeks out to catch any remaining crumbs, shuddering as the sugary sweet taste lingers in his mouth.

he takes a step toward you, a small one, nodding his head and hoping you can't see the hints of pink starting to form on his cheeks. "it's good." he states, even though from your angle it had looked like he was trying to swallow glass. "what's the next one?"

it seems like eons have passed, perhaps the longest ten minutes law has ever lived through.

he swears his stomach is starting to hurt from the amount of sugar settling in there, and the smile you give him, the appreciation you show, doesn't make it feel any better. your presence makes him more jittery than any dessert, that much was certain.

while you were hesitant at first, not wanting him to strain himself, you can't deny that your sweets-averse captain willingly trying your concoctions was flattering, meaningful.

"okay, last one." you clap your hands together, glancing at the last piece of food on his sampling plate. it's a small chunk, not even worthy of being served as an appetizer, but to law, it might as well have been a death sentence. "the sourdough bread."

hearing the word alone makes law's jaw clench, his eyes narrowing as if he had a personal vendetta against the bread. even when he's picking it up, he can't help but scrutinize it.

"yeah, last one." he echoes back, his eyes finding yours in a sort of stubborn inquiry for support.

understanding what he needs, as usual, you grab a piece of the bread for yourself and hold it up. the nod you give him, allowing him to dictate the pace, seems to give him the confidence he needs to conquer this molehill he's made a mountain of.

after a playful countdown from you, he chucks the bread into his mouth and forces his teeth to bite down on it.

the first taste of it almost has him freezing up, his chest rising and falling slowly in an attempt to not let his nose wrinkle. the texture of the bread is killing him, the roughness of it seeming to scrape against his tongue in a way he's not particularly fond of.

hearing you hum in content, clearly pleased with the taste of your own creation, is almost like a slap to his pride- in a good way. he chews a bit more, it's almost damn painful, but he does it.

finally, when the last few chunks of bread are swallowed, law feels like he can breathe a sigh of relief.

"well, that's everything, captain." you smile, taking the plate from him and lightly placing into the sink. you're aware that this wasn't exactly easy for him, yet you're happy that he tried them. "what do you think? good enough for the crew?"

the answer should be obvious, as your treats were usually devoured within only a couple days of being made. law was confident that you could place ice in a bowl and the crew would eat it up without question.

"it's… good. everything was good." he replies, eyes following your every move. his heart feels a little more heavy in his chest, the lump in his throat harder to swallow than the goods he'd just tried. "the crew is lucky to have you."

i'm lucky to have you.

he inwardly curses himself for being so inexperienced with these matters and he places his hat on a nearby counter so he could run a hand through his hair. law is so caught up with his own inner turmoil that he doesn't notice how you grow a little bashful, how the laugh you give is more nervous than playful.

"thanks, captain." comes your response, the sound of clinking drawers filling the air as you started to properly store some of the goods for later. "that's sweet of you to say."

he hums, his way of telling you that he hears you. at the moment, he doesn't quite trust himself with speaking, his brows furrowing ever so slightly.

there is a comfortable silence for a few minutes, but it's not entirely suffocating. it's comfortable, almost welcoming. there are few people law was content to simply exist with, and you were one of them.

his mouth opens, your head tilting toward him as he states the obvious. "i hate bread."

it seems like a no brainer, your arms crossing while you change your position to face him better. "yeah, i know. what about it?"

law looks at you like he was looking at the desserts earlier. intense, almost scrutinizing, as if he would rather peer into your brain instead of hold a conversation.

"i hate bread." he repeats, the tension in his frame melting away a tad. "but i like it more when it's yours."

you're not sure how to respond to his admission, your jaw tense in a bid to keep it from falling to the floor. your captain is red faced, trying oh so hard not to just blurt out what he's been thinking for the past few months. it would be easy to get it out with a scoff, acting like it's not a big deal, but he knows you deserve better.

"everything has been better since… since you joined." the confession is heavy, the implication clear. this was no simple talk between a captain and their crew member.

while his cheeks get hotter, his brows furrow, his gaze doesn't waver from yours. he's watching for every reaction, anything that he can pick up on to confirm or deny his hopes, hopes which he rarely grants himself to believe to be possible.

your smile is a balm, the relieved laugh you give making him release a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"i can never tell what's going on in your head." your shoulders rise and fall with each chuckle, your chest buzzing at his words, at what can, will, come from this. "you didn't have to try all the food. especially the bread. you know that, right?"

his lips tug upward into a small smirk, his confidence growing upon seeing how you're reacting to him. it's enough to make him take a few steps forward until he's right before you.

"thought it would be a good way to show you that i mean what i'm saying." he answers, the taste and feel of the treats now long forgotten. "besides, i see how disappointed you get when i don't try them."

the way your eyes avert, the small tilt in your head, only highlights your guilt. "yeah, okay, maybe a little, but i wasn't gonna force you to eat bread. and all those sweets…"

"i'll have to get used to it." his shoulders shrug, his expression going back into that more nonchalant one that you're used to seeing on him.

the words have your brows furrowing in confusion. "what do you mean? are you going to start joining us for baking day?"

"no. i'm not eating bread ever again, so consider yourself lucky for being the only one to see it happen." he casually states, silently reveling in how you react, before he allows his smirk to grow a little more wide. "i just have a feeling that you're sweeter, and i'm not planning on giving you up any time soon."