#i think about the lightning thing a lot

[phoenixkaptain]

I know that the scene is supposed to be very serious and dramatic and it is very emotionally charged (haha) but like what was Palpatine’s plan if he continued to electrocute Luke and Luke didn’t die?

Like, he’s been Force Lightning-ing this guy for a solid minute now. He has stopped and started, he has just tried the long wait, and nothing! And like, Luke just sort of shakes it off???

He stumbles for a minute, but then he drags his dad all the way to the hangar, literally dragging him during the last stretch, flies to Endor’s moon, gives Vader a nice pyre, hugs all of his friends, and hangs out to see the Force Ghosts; Luke is just unaffected! I guess you could suggest that he immediately just passes out right after the credits start rolling, but that is a long time to be moving on adrenaline, especially since the sadness of watching his dad die would normally have overridden the adrenaline, or the part where he flies to Endor’s moon, in which we can assume he’s sitting down for a good portion, or the part where he’s hugging all his friends and the relief and happiness would override the adrenaline-

Luke just got electrocuted for minutes on end, and he is just… fine.

Even Palpatine starts to look confused! Like, he starts electrocuting and he’s having a gay old time, but then he continues and it’s not working. So he continues longer, but the boy is still not destroyed. He continues further, yet the boy remains undying. Was there a plan B? If Palpatine had continued, would Luke ever even have died? I have to assume he would have died not from lightning but from starvation or dehydration since it does not seem to actually affect him that much. He’s clearly in pain, but he is also just… fine???

There is nothing funnier to me in all of cinema history than Palpatine trying and failing multiple times to electrocute Luke Skywalker to death. Luke just won’t die!!

However speaking of the scenes with Vader, Palpatine, and Luke, I want to point out how much I love the fight scene between Luke and Vader.

First of all, it only starts because Luke pulls a bait and switch where it look like he isn’t going to try and kill Palpatine, only to try and kill Palpatine, which is really funny.

Luke begins on the defensive, only really halfheartedly fighting back, but can we talk about how funny it is that he kicked Vader down the stairs?? Vader is a head taller than him, has to weigh several hundreds of pounds in mechanical parts alone, which speaking of, since his legs probably take up the most space, logically speaking, he’s probably weighed down, which makes it even more difficult to knock him down since he wouldn’t be top heavy — and Luke manages to kick him down a flight of stairs.

I know it’s fun to assume that Vader isn’t trying all that hard, as in he’s going easy on his son in hopes he won’t have to hurt him, but it’s also fun to assume that Vader got knocked into another unexpected tailspin by a rebel with a good shot and it is so funny…

Anyway, Luke hiding is also kind of funny.

“You cannot hide forever.”

Vader is the worst hide-and-seek player :(

We all know how it goes: Vader threatens to turn Leia instead of Luke, and Luke gets so upset at the thought that he starts actually fighting Vader.

And this, like Palpatine with the lightning, is a series of progression. At first, Vader isn’t taking him very seriously, which is what leads to him being overwhelmed by Luke just attacking constantly (the best strategy when facing Vader is to spam the attack button-) But, when Vader gets knocked down and his hand gets cut off, we can see him raise his other hand, like he’s asking Luke to ease up. Like, Vader got overwhelmed by Luke’s flurry of attacks, that’s just what happened, that’s why he grabs the railing to try and catch himself, leaving himself wide open to more attacks, and that’s why he tries to hold his hand up to stop Luke, an instinctual act when people are overwhelmed, and that’s probably why he doesn’t try to use the Force.

At first, he wasn’t taking Luke seriously, so of course he didn’t use the Force. Luke is correct, after all, that Vader is conflicted. He goes back and forth between trying to hurt Luke and trying really hard not to hurt Luke. But, Force users really can’t use the Force, the way they’d like to at least, when they’re distracted. That’s evident in this movie alone, when Luke uses the Force but then just throws a rock. Vader can’t focus enough to use the Force, he probably couldn’t focus enough to use the Force during the whole fight. Luke is distracting to him, and we can assume the reason he’s distracting is any number of things, but Luke is the catalyst, Vader doesn’t use the Force on or around Luke, like, ever.

But, Luke wins against Vader. And he stops. Even before Palpatine speaks, Luke stops. Because he knows he’s won, and he kind of has to take a moment to process the fact that he has knocked Vader down and literally unhanded him.

I’ve seen people complain that, if Palpatine hadn’t spoken, Luke would’ve probably killed Vader, but I sort of disagree. Both with the idea that Luke would’ve killed Vader and the idea that Palpatine should’ve known better than to try and taunt Luke into doing something.

Luke doesn’t actually want Vader dead, you know? Like, he just doesn’t.

But more important than that, the central theme of the movies is that Luke, despite being constantly told how similar he is to his father, isn’t actually similar to his father.

Like yes, okay, he’s a Jedi and a pilot and he’s loyal to the point of suicidal. But he really isn’t like Anakin. Anakin did respond when he was taunted to kill Dooku. Anakin got overwhelmed with hate and let it overtake him completely. But Luke isn’t like Anakin, and assuming he is is the mistake that Palpatine makes.

More than that, it’s the mistake the Jedi make too. Both sides of the conflict between Dark Side and Light Side are wrong on a few key things. They think Sith can’t turn back to the light, they think Luke is just like his father, and they think Luke’s ability to kill Palpatine is the deciding factor.

Luke not being like Anakin is the big revelation. Even as he says “I’m a Jedi, like my father before me.” Which, he’s likening himself to his father, yes, but it’s a double entendre, in a way, where I, for example, can say “I’m a doctor, like that guy down the street” like I’m not actually saying I’m just like the guy down the street. And even if Luke was saying “I’m just like my dad,” he’s just lying?? Like, I don’t know why people try to use that dialogue to point out Luke being like Anakin, Luke hardly ever says anything correct in these movies. Luke says “you won’t take me to the Emperor” and Vader takes him to the Emperor, like, Luke gets stuff wrong consistently, he’s just really good at winging it.

But, you can kind of tell that the Jedi think Luke is like Anakin, because they don’t actually tell him not to go? Like, if Anakin said “I don’t know if I can kill this guy” and they sent him anyway, the guy would’ve ended up dead by Anakin’s hand, that’s pretty much indisputable, so Ben just sort of being like “okay, yeah, sure, Skywalker, sure” makes a bit more sense, since Ben especially was one of those people who likened Luke to Anakin.

Also I saw someone say that Ben and Yoda never actually told Luke he had to kill his father, but like, yes they did? I guess neither of them ever explicitly said “Luke, murder your father” but that doesn’t mean they don’t expect him to kill him. Luke says “I can’t do it. I can’t kill my father.” and Ben literally says “Then the Emperor has already won.” That’s pretty clearly confirming that they wanted him to kill his father.

Everyone likens Luke to Anakin from the very beginning. Beru and Owen, Ben, Yoda, Palpatine; it’s set up from the start that people look at Luke and see mini Ani. And that assumption is what makes Luke able to ultimately overcome the Dark Side. Because Palpatine assumes he’ll act and react just like Anakin did, because why wouldn’t he, and Luke not only doesn’t act like Anakin, he doesn’t act like much of a Jedi, since he literally tosses his lightsaber (you know, the things that represent their “lives”) away.

Luke says “I’m a Jedi, like my father before me” while doing things that directly contradict those statements, and it is wild.

In conclusion, Luke is truly the most terrifying man to go up against. He’s a damage sponge, he cannot be killed, and he, unlike his father before him, basically said, “I’m going to do the opposite of what you want, just to spite you. And I’m going to throw my lightsaber away, just to prove how far I’m willing to go out of spite.”

[nectaric]

i'm still not over zeus blasting the shit out of athena in god games for shock value when we all know that she's his baby girl Supreme and he knows full well how wise and incredible she is. that's literally why he keeps her around so much -

[ceiling-karasu]

World Building continued: Backstory for the wars involving Flower Hill, Teikoku, and Usuhan Jiyeog, and subsequent occupations.

Apologies in advance for this being so long. I wanted to know how widespread Japanese weasels are in real life, and found something interesting I could use.

Japanese weasels originate from three areas of Japan, that being Honshu, Kyushu, and Shikoku.

Coincidentally, Japan famously has three Ceremonial Regalia in the form of a sword, magatama beads, and a mirror. These items are not seen by anyone other than the royal family and certain priests (images on the internet are recreations of what they could possibly look like, and those seen in public are symbolic stand-ins), but they symbolize the authority of the royal family.

Which allows me to make a backstory for my AU to help explain the wars and occupations, very loosely based off of events and locations in history, especially since animal biology limits certain events from happening.

In the past, there was an Emperor, who preferred for Teikoku to be in isolation. Under his rule, and of those before him, are smaller prefectures run by princes, lords, or other lessor royal families.

Contact with the United States Alliance and other nations led to a period of aggression and imperialism surrounding the empire of Teikoku, as they strove to fight against a stagnating economy that believed in its own superiority in the world, as well as a strict caste system preventing innovation.

Eventually, after some time, three princes are sent out to conquer the final few neighboring islands, so that may join the empire, and provide a larger force for when they make a move for the peninsula and the mainland.

The three princes are named after their prefectures, and the Emperor has given them each one of the Imperial Regalia as proof of their superiority.

The Sword

Honshu is the main island of Japan, and is also known as the dragonfly island. Teikoku will call it Tonbo, which refers to dragonflies, which are fierce and deadly creatures. As such, their Imperial Regalia is the sword, Yūki no ken (the sword of valor), and is based off of Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi (Grass-Cutter). Tonbo is the main physical fighting force of Teikoku.

The Magatama Jewels

Kyushu is smaller than Honshu, but it had a lot of trade circuits around the ocean and the mountains. So I will make a prefecture named Kairo (Circuit), and have the area be responsible for trade and roads around the empire, as well as in the fighting forces. I would use the famous Magatama jewels (Benevolence) to symbolize their rule.

The Mirror

Shikoku means four provinces, and is the least populated area of the three areas. Shikoku also has a lot of temples (perhaps run by green pheasants, the national symbol of Japan), which draws in a lot of pilgrims. But they also maintain a lot of gateways to other prefectures. So maybe Genkan for entryway. They are responsible for planning and strategizing for the other two. They can have the Michi no kagami, mirror of the path to represent wisdom/truth, based on the Yata no Kagami.

VERY loosely taking inspiration from The Tale of the Heike, a collection of Japanese epic poetry with many translations and retelling (actually written down 200 years after said events supposedly happened), which says that the royal families that held these Regalia were defeated in a naval battle, and threw themselves and the treasures into the sea. Subsequent legends suggest that many search and diving parties have been led to recover the Regalia.

In my AU, I hold that the items were thrown into the sea, with the princes believing that they could return for them later even if they were captured, although they managed to escape. It was a complete disgrace for the Emperor, as without the Ceremonial Regalia, the legitimacy of the entire palace was thrown into question.

And then the box holding the Magatama washed up on the shores of the peninsula.

It is returned as a gesture of good will, but as no good deed goes unpunished, Teikoku believes that they must have taken the other Imperial Regalia for themselves, starting a land invasion. The small army is annihilated by farmers, fresh out of overthrowing their own monarchy, wielding guns, which Teikoku has never seen before.

Which results in a larger army being sent, which is also defeated and the princes captured and possibly executed by the hedgehog army in the north of the country. At this point, without the authority of the Ceremonial Regalia, and increasing economical desperation, the country is forced to undergo a reformation. While there is still an Emperor, he does not hold as much political power as he once did.

Teikoku left behind settlements of soldiers and colonists controlling the southern portion of the peninsula, which they name Usuhan Jiyeog, who take up ruler-ship and fish farming.

The hedgehogs use the proof of their power in defending their areas to take control of what they would name Flower Hill.

It is a strongly held belief that before they backed away from Usuhan Jiyeog, the Emperor promised that anyone who managed to retrieve the Ceremonial Regalia from Flower Hill would be reinstated as the next emperor, and be rewarded with power beyond their wildest dreams.

Did the other two, heavier, items, even wash up on the shores of the peninsula like the jewels, locked in an airtight box? Or did they sink to the bottom, as they were heavier? Who is to say...

But alongside the greed, desperation for power, and food production issues, the temptation of finding the supposedly stolen Imperial Regalia locked away in some distant stronghold is a good enough reason as any to attempt to occupy Flower Hill.

Now, I'm not about to retcon what I have already written and say that Commander Jogjebi wanted the sword and mirror, and Huinjogjebi is a weasel of science who would likely not be interested anyway. But claiming that Flower Hill stole precious items and symbols of their country in the past, and them not being able to disprove it, is enough of an excuse to make quite a few countries in the international courts turn a blind eye to the happenings surrounding Flower Hill.

Oil Production

I did figure out the oil and gas situation. I did go ahead and give the Jindo Empire a large amount of oil. The Venezuela country below the United States Alliance is now the República de Cultivos Oleaginosos, and is trying to prevent the wolves' country from occupying their regions.

Meanwhile, the vast majority of the world's oil in my AU is being produced in this country.

While it used to be many different nations in the past, the leaders understood that their vast oil and gas reserves would result in large scale invasions, and agreed to band together into the Equatorial Allegiance.

[cain-e-brookman]

Happy Worldbuilding Wednesday! So, I know a little bit about the gods of your setting, but how does your average citizen worship? Which gods get the most attention and which are less well known?

ahh, thanks for the ask! i need you to know, every time i'm asked about world building i become this image

this is undoubtedly going to get long so answer under the cut

the the short answer is: it depends. i think i mentioned in my post about Raschic but i'm not sure, but there are the 8 main gods who give power to one of each of the Mage Kingdoms. (Light, Shadow, Fire, Water, Plant, Stone, Sky, and Force. This doesnt really matter for the context but there it is.)

So Mages are expected to be somewhat religious, but depending on the god they're tied to, it changes what that looks like. The Sea God isn't horribly concerned about day to day life of his Mages, but they must still do certain rituals and pay proper tribute to allow them to remain attached to him for their power and immortality. As such, the kingdom of the Water Mages as a whole isn't super immersed in religion. On the other hand, Shadow Mages are very devout, to the point where even those without magic are still incredibly religious because it's so steeped in the culture of the ruling Mages.

even when you get into human kingdoms, it's going to look different depending on who a person is and what they do. Uslaria, (the setting for my current WIP) has the most concentrated group of witches in the known world, so much so that one town is known for being the unofficial capitol for witches. everyone in Uslaria can tell you a bit about the Goddess Lythis, Grandmother of Witches, but few actually worship her. a farmer in Uslaria might pray to the Sky God to bring his godly children through with warm winds and generous rains, may also pray to the Goddess of Stone to bless his crops with good soil, may also attend festivals or holy days for the main pantheon if they live close enough to a city or town that might make a big to-do about it, but as far as most gods go, especially the main pantheon, they're so distant from the reality of most people. gods in the minor pantheon, like the Trickster, are more the topic of superstitions and tales to tell by a fire. day to day worship might be done for a lesser god residing in their area, or sometimes house gods that follow a family line, but the names of those gods are too intimate to the area to be remarked upon outside of that circle.

tl;dr: the average citizen (except maybe in the Marshes with the Shadow Mages,) only really cares about the gods that affect them and treat any others with a distant respect. (for the most part)

[lilydvoratrelundar]

dc is doing a little mini relaunch after the current crossover finishes and honestly thank god because literally only two of their current ongoings interest me but there's a bunch of fun looking stuff happening in november that i might actually look at. and also it's starting series for several guys who should have had ongoings this whole time like the fucking JUSTICE LEAGUE

[seithr]

Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now

(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)

(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)

Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh

[arolesbianism]

I’ve been having a rough few days, but I’ve been feeling a bit better so I decided to make some lil thingies for some spiraling upwards kitties :3

[grumpyoldsnake]

Hiking

.

My father brushes past a pine branch

Freeing snow into the sun;

For just a moment, the air gleams.

.

12-26-23

[wabblebees]

never never never in my life gonna be able to beat the weirdo theatre nerd allegations. its midnight and for the last few hours ive been (voluntarily of my own free will At No-One's Behest) doing some character research for the show we're working on (which at a certain level is Absolutely Necessary!! but at *this* level is Absolutely Not. lmfao)(and so... ik for a fact if i mention this in rehearsal tomorrow im gonna get a whole lotta blank stares ((or TERRIFIED looks from the freshmen wondering if they should be doing this much work lmao))

but anyway so about 10 minutes ago i found a fucking essay (just 9 pages out of this philological collection from the 60s) that just the idea behind the Very Simple title made me so excited i had to stand up at my desk to start reading it and fully forgot to sit back down until i realized i wanted to start TAKING NOTES..... WHICH I GENERALLY HATE DOING WHILE READING........ BUT IM TOO EXCITED AND DONT WANNA FORGET ANY OF IT.................. SO IM TAKING FUCKING NOTES

but anyway beyond tHAT the thing that actually made me pause to start typing this post though is the fact that just now, four pages in, this essay finally put something into place that ive been puzzling over in my head since i very first read the play which... made me happystim so hard i almost knocked myself out of my fucking chair. hdkdgsjfkfhdgskdgwrdjfk.

so yeah. never beating the nerd allegations. lmao

[forcedhesitation]

the nere fight without a sorcerer is hell on earth. that fight is always unpleasant, but without corydalis? it was so so so much worse. he can immediately kill the sergeant & nere in the very first turn. unfortunately with the way that battlefield is structured & how the enemies are dispersed, it is impossible to achieve that with a paladin. or any other class, I think.

sorcerers are just. better.

[aberooski]

Even after all these years, and Noel being one of my favorite characters in Final Fantasy period, part of me still wishes they had ended it at 13-2 and committed to the idea that changing the timeline would cause Noel to disappear. Because even if the future changed to one where he still existed, he wouldn’t be the same person and our Noel would then cease to exist as a consequence.

[arnold-layne]

i never write confessions of love into my fics because i dont want to subject my characters to that kind of torture

[exopelagic]

i am now entering finals mode so very sorry i’m gonna be dead for approximately 12 days

[stinkb0mber]

here is hope i will actually write on that predator headcanon post today because. he has so many issues.

[that-house]

Potion Vendor FAQs:

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.

Do you sell love potions? No.

Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.

Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.

Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.

Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.

So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.

Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.

Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.

Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.

Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.

Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.

Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.

So can you make poison potions? No.

Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.

Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.

How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.

You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.

Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.

Road trip? He lives in Seattle.

Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.

For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.

And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.

Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.

Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.

You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.

So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.

Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.

Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.

Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.

What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.

You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.

Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.

Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.

Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.

Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.

Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.

Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.

When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.

When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.

Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.

Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.

Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.

Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.

I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.

How did you know that? …I’m psychic.

Yeah? No.

You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.

Did you just miss a turn? Probably.

Are you sure we’re not lost? No.

You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.

Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.

Would it help if I said it was? It would.

Is it getting dark? Soon.

Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.

Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.

Should we find a motel? Sure.

One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.

You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.

Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.

Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.

How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.

How many beds are there? One.

Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.

Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.

How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.

Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.

For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.

Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.

Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.

Are you asleep? …

Yes? …

Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …

What should I say? …

Did you know that I had a really nice day? …

Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …

Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …

Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …

Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …

Did you know that you’re warm? …

Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.

Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.

Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.

What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!

Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.

You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!

Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.

Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.

You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.

Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.

Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.

How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.

Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.

Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.

And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!

Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.

And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.

So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.

So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!

Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.

Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.

Are you done eating? Yep.

Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.

How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.

Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.

Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.

What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.

Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.

Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…

Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.

Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?

When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.

Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.

What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.

Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.

What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.

Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.

Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.

What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.

I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …

Did he get his body modified? …

What sort of surgery could do that? …

How is he still alive? …

Did a fucking wizard do it? …

WHY? …

HOW? …

Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …

I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.

Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.

Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.

Can we do that? Of course.

Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.

Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.

Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.

How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.

How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.

That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.

Wanna fuck? God yes.

Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.

…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.

How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.

How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!

Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.

When will we get there? Noon-ish.

Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.

Is this Seattle? Looks like it.

Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.

Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.

So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.

Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.

So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!

How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.

Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.

Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.

Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!

Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!

Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.

I just caught this, but, FAQ? …

As in Frequently Asked Questions? …

How many times is Frequent? …

Have you known everything all along? …

How many times have you done this? …

Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!

And you say that every time? Yes. I do.

Do you love me? Yes.

How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.

Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.

Can I go now? Please don’t.

But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.

How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.

What happens at the end of this? It begins again.

And do I get replaced with someone else? …

Do I get replaced? …Yes.

Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!

You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.

How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?

Did you know my name is Alice? …

Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …

Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …

Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!

Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.

Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.

Be good to the next me, okay? I will.

Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.

Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.

What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.

What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!

What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.

Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.

What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.

What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!

So I should keep repeating something? Yes!

I love you? I love you too.

I love you? Again.

I love you? Keep going.

I love you? I’ll just let you talk.

I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!

I love you? Now can you make it a statement?

I love you.

You did it?

I did it!

You did it!

We broke the loop.

What now?

Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.

And then?

Whatever we want, forever.

I think I’d like that.

Remember that song from the beginning?

The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?

We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?

Let me off, let me in

Let others battle

We don’t need to battle

And we both shall win

Pressed in my palm

Was a stone from the beach

The perfect circle

Gave a moment of peace

Now I’m lying on the floor

Like I’m not worth a chair

I close my eyes and imagine

I’m not there.

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

One of the half burnt out lightbulbs in my bedroom (it has been flickering like a strobe light for months whenever it tries to work again. Not great for my epilepsy but I’m pretty sure my building forgot I mentioned it) flickered a few times (as usual) and then just worked normally (for now at least) and it’s like adjusting a camera’s aperture after it was stuck on the wrong setting for months. I forgot that the lighting could actually be decent in here without my lamp on. Fucking wild.