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love-advice-on-call · 2 years ago

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Hi! This is like my first time asking any advice so sorry if this is a bit tmi or a weird ask 😬 So for religious reasons I'm not doing the do until after marriage. The problem here is, all the guys wont really date you unless your down to do smth with them ( which i'm not!!! ). I know i shouldn't really rush into a relationship cause i'm literally only 15 and their overrated and romanticized by the media anyways, but i'm an absolute hopeless romantic 😔 I just really wanna have a romance book typa relationship. I wanna send gm and gn texts w/ someone and be on ft with them for hours just talking or doing nothing and just basically have someone to obsess and rant over to your friends. But I don't want to have the superficial relationships that my friends/others have in my school.

Like majority of the guys in my school are racist, colourist, homophobic and are just mean people in general. I would NEVER wanna date a person who acts like that, let alone be friends with them! But it seems like everyone doesn't really care in a sense because they're cute/popular. I feel like the odd one out because everyone has been in a relationship or had a crush or like a fling and I haven't. I'm always left out of these conversations and just feel like i'm missing out on the high school experience! ( i'm literally finishing grade 10 in 2 weeks and haven't even talked to a guy romantically )

In a sense i feel like because of that ( and since i went to an all girls private school from gr 3-8 ) I tend to romanticize the smallest things a guy does or says to me which is such a big problem!!1! Like you crack a joke with me? In love. Pick me first in gym when making teams? Brb i'm writing our wedding invites. Even my cousins around my age were shocked when I said I haven't talked to a guy romantically before. Its even worse that I'm so shy around guys and just overly insecure considering I NEVER had any boys in my school. Everyone always calls me a grandma already because of the way I talk and act and now i'm really starting to believe it.

My parents are pretty strict about this kinda thing and my sisters are all older then me/are naturally extremely pretty so they didn't have to worry about being unlikeable ( people had crushes on them in high school AND they were in relationships ). I just feel really lost and unlikeable :(

Hi,

So I think waiting till marriage is a totally fine thing and waiting in general would be a good decision for a lot of folks, not just you. I didn't wait till marriage, but I did wait a long time for the right person and in my personal experience it made it significantly more fulfilling when comparing it to how almost all of friends lost their virginity during teen years. I really wish that more folks had the opportunity to wait.

Wanting to be in a relationship this badly I think is something MANY people your age feel and I think it is totally normal. This feeling you're feeling, doesn't really ever go away I think. It may come and go in intensity, but if you at this age feel like wanting to be in a relationship, then you can expect to buckle in for a lifetime of this being at the back of your thoughts.

"Like majority of the guys in my school are racist, colourist, homophobic and are just mean people in general." Unfortunately, this is just "Welcome to Teen Boyhood", most of these guys (God willing) will grow out of it, though I've met a lot of men who never emotionally/mentally went past age 16.

There are some dudes who are not terrible people at ~15, but usually those guys do not attract girls easily. Less popular guys definitely, but solid dudes at heart. It could be that maybe you are also just hanging around the wrong crowd? I doubt your whole school is like this and you should be able to find someone your age who shares your values. They wont be the perfect guy, no one is at 15 or really any age, but they'll be better. I know it is SUPER incredibly indescribably tough to shift social circles and meet people within your own school, but I suggest that you try to simply make more guy friends in general and look for the sweet spot of dudes that are decent guys. It will also help with your anxiety around boys and may help smooth you out so you're used to talking to them. Once you find a guy you like, then you can work on building up the courage to ask him out.

Maybe join clubs at school, look into after school programs (tutoring, co-ed sports, etc.), or check with your friends to see if they know anyone they can introduce you to. When I was in high school, some people would also just date guys from other schools because they weren't down with the ones who were immediately around them. They usually met through mutual friends or at non-school events.

Also, you telling me that you don't want to date guys because they want you to be down for something while your sisters were in relationships at your age. I mean, I feel like put two and two together. It's not JUST because your sisters are pretty 👀. But gossip aside, your parents can't be that strict if they let your sisters see guys or if your sisters found ways around not telling them. So I wouldn't worry about them too much. As a former teen, there are always ways to getting around parents.

All in all, I think it sounds like you do have a good head on your shoulders and you know what you want. Being a grandma isn't always a bad thing, it just means that you don't take BS from other people and you know what will make you happy. That's something that takes almost a life time of development and you've got that now at 15 so I've got confidence in you that you're going to be alright.

As a side note: I do appreciate you listing out how you romanticize the situations. It gave me a laugh and this is definitely one of my favorite asks I've gotten in a while. Talking to people about navigating teen dating is like one of the funnest topics period.

June 13, 2023

#advice #love advice #relationships #relationship advice #relationship help

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natsubeatsrock · 3 years ago

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Lower Your Expectations for Nalu

I'm going to start this post off more generously than I normally would. I don't have any real reason to. I just kind of want to reach some of the Nalu fans with this section. (Nalu fans probably shouldn’t want to read the rest.)

Generally speaking, it's better to lower your expectations for a ship becoming canon. That way, you are pleasantly surprised to see how it will happen. Sometimes a relationship should have more subtle canonization than a bombastic showing. If Mashima plans to make Nalu canon, we should be patient to see how it happens. It’s not impossible for Nalu to have some impressive showy way it becomes canon. However, it’s worth letting Mashima do his thing and let the chips fall as they may.

Alright, the kids are gone. Let's do this for real.

I've been running this blog for just over six years. You'd think that, at this point, it would be hard for me to be surprised by this fandom. I've seen all kinds of things happen, and that should be the case. I joined during a rather tenuous time where fandoms were more willing to go at it.

As it stands, the Nalu fandom is the gift that keeps on giving. Whenever I feel as though I can't think of anything else to say about this ship, something happens, and I'm brought back to writing about it. You'd think it would be me talking about how the ship functions in canon. However, fans seem willing to bend over backward to sing Nalu's praises.

I'd respect it if it weren't Nalu we're talking about. This might be one of the most overrated ships in anime. I'll never understand how most people who watch this series even passively wanted these two to become a couple. All the couples Mashima's written over the years, and this is the one he'll be judged for? (Also, maybe Gruvia, but we talked about that already.)

Still, I do have to give this some fandom credit. Mashima has taken nearly every possible opportunity to feasibly advance this ship since the Grand Magic Games ended (arguably even before that) and passed on doing much with it. On some occasions, it feels as though Mashima is directly mocking the idea that Nalu could possibly become canon. And yet, fans believe that Nalu will become canon at any moment because he draws a Twitter pic of them once every three months or so. (Yes, I did edit this sentence since Nalu Day. What of it?)

Recently, I got an ask comparing the Nalu fandom to the MAGA crowd. I'm not personally vindictive enough against Trump or his supporters to affirm that comparison. Though, I can't act as if I haven't been thinking of an analogy to describe Nalu fans. I think a better comparison might be fans of the Dallas Cowboys.

Cowboys fans seem to believe that their team can win the Super Bowl any season. That's not an inherently problematic perspective to take. You should hope that your team will do well. However, this often manifests itself in confidence that ignores the faults within individual Cowboys teams and the strength of their opponents. Not to mention, this ignores the objective fact that the Cowboys haven't done well in the playoffs for 25 years.

I don't think it's wrong for fans to believe that their ship will become canon. I don't know too many fans who wish their ship doesn't become canon. However, I always worry about the fans who believe their ship happening is an inevitability. Especially when things seem to be pointing away from the possibility of it happening. This is usually a recipe for toxic fandoms.

But, let me humor the idea for a moment.

What if Mashima really plans to make Nalu happen in the end?

As I'm writing this post, we're currently in the middle of the fight between the third Dragon God. We're getting close to the real conclusion of that battle. But after that, there are two big arcs until the series truly ends. Three if they decide to have one last battle against the quest-giving dragon.

If Mashima's going to make Nalu canon, how would that work now?

There's the "realization" route. This is the one I probably see the most. Natsu and Lucy could come to the clear realization that they have come to love each other throughout the series. Of course, you'd have to imagine that whatever would bring this on is more powerful than thinking the other has died.

Twice, throughout the series.

Each.

On top of several other crazy things to happen to them over 600 chapters of material spanning a decade and a half. Yet, I'm supposed to believe that some random new moment will change the tide for Nalu.

The other way to do it is to have a confession. Either Natsu or Lucy decides to share with the other the fact that they are in love. Their feelings are reciprocated, and you can figure out the rest.

Depending on who you ask, we've almost gotten this a few times. Lucy's had a few opportunities to talk about her relationship with Natsu and has been fairly nice about it. A few times it's hinted that there might be more to their friendship but nothing concrete. I've even seen it hinted that Natsu was going to confess in chapter 545.

But, that's just it. We've only gotten hints at the possibility that there's more. If Natsu and Lucy actually like each other romantically, why not make it clearer earlier?

"It's because he's being subtle about their shared romantic feelings."

Yeah, I have reason to doubt that.

Jellal and Erza have feelings for each other implied throughout Fairy Tail. Sure there's explicit stuff like their meeting before the Grand Magic Games started. But there's been plenty of subtle stuff surrounding their relationship. People make hints at their potential romantic relationship all the time in canon, even as recent as the last arc.

I feel like I say this a lot when talking about Jerza. But really think about the arcs they're together in. There's Tower of Heaven, Nirvana, the Grand Magic Games, Tartarus, Alvarez Empire, and Aldoron. Their relationship is brought up or hinted at in Fantasia, Tenrou Island, Avatar, and Mercuphobia. While that looks like a large amount of material, Jerza doesn't take up much space in any of these arcs. Outside of the Grand Magic Games, Nirvana, and Alvarez, these are small moments between the two of them at best. Sometimes it's even less than that. And yet, the ship makes sense to the vast majority of the fandom.

But that might be an unfair comparison. Jellal and Erza have a history dating before the series started.

Let's use a ship that involves characters that met after Natsu and Lucy. Gray and Juvia. (Wait, these guys again?)

The big thing with this ship has been how Gray feels about Juvia. We've known how Juvia feels about Gray literally since they met. However, we've seen Gray slowly change his views on Juvia. We didn't just jump from enemies to lovers. There was a subtle shift as the series went on.

Do you really think that Mashima couldn't do better with Natsu and Lucy? His main duo? The series is only possible because the two meet each other. But I'm supposed to believe that Mashima didn't want to make a Nalu romance seem more explicit?

If you were to ask me, the most likely route for Nalu now is a much less sexy option. If Nalu were to happen, it won't happen in a grand showing of affection. It will just... happen. We'll likely skip to some random point in time after they beat all the dragons and see them as a couple. Maybe we'll se an Earthland Nasha.

This isn't something anime/manga fans aren't used to. I know everyone likely thinks of a different series that has done this over the years. People will rag on series like Naruto and Bleach for doing this. For what it's worth, I do like both of those series and their endgame ships.

That said, I have two problems with this option.

First, Nalu doesn't have the kind of setup that those other ships have. You're not getting characters openly confessing before a fight. You're not getting two characters flustered over the prospect of feelings suggested to each other. Heck, you're not getting a "Silver Ray" situation.

"What about those times when Lucy was asked if she likes Natsu?"

Again, Lucy's not openly agonizing over that as part of their relationship. If this was something we were supposed to seriously consider as an option for her, we'd know.

Even then, this would only show that it's one-sided. Natsu hasn't had any similar moments where he considers liking Lucy. Anyone bringing up the waterfall scene is speculating at best. Do you really expect me to believe that Mashima will change that this far into the series?

But this doesn't even get into the second problem. Is this how you'd want Nalu to become canon?

I've said this before, but Nalu has been expected to become canon for close to a decade. That almost feels like an exaggeration. But one of the big chapters I usually point to for Mashima potentially making Nalu more overt is Lucy Fire. That chapter turned ten years old this past March.

Nalu fans have been inventing all kinds of scenarios and situations about how Mashima will make their favorite ship happen. Wouldn't it be disappointing for fans to see that this ship would happen without any of the pomp and circumstance you'd expect a ship like this to get?

I know plenty of people who were disappointed when their favorite ship just became canon without a lot of lead-up. I didn't love getting to the end of Bleach without knowing more about how Ichigo and Orihime got together. Yes, I know the novels exist, but I (literally) paid to read the manga. I'd like to have seen it happen in the manga. (This could be about Naruto, but I only own The Last.)

This is why I believe Nalu fans should lower their expectations. Do you know the fantasy fans have for Nalu happening? Natsu and Lucy finally being hit with the overwhelming realization they love each other? A tearful confession of their feelings for each other capped with a kiss? All of their friends cheering them on, knowing they should have been a couple a long time ago? Maybe even a glimpse at their wedding and their future kid?

Congratulations, that was Rave Master's main couple. Don't expect the same thing for Nalu. If Nalu will happen, it will look much more disappointing than what fans believe it will look like.

At this point, I'm even not sure that Nalu will happen. Mashima has made every version of Nalu look more romantic except the original. I can't apologize for my skepticism on its prospects. Even actual Nalu fans are worried about if it will happen. I will enjoy seeing more of this salt in the future.

Now, there's one question you might be asking of me. How will I react to Nalu happening?

I don't have some back-pocket post prepared in case Nalu does happen. Heck, I thought of making one but ended up writing this post instead.

However, I have been wrong about future events of Fairy Tail in the past. If I'm wrong and Mashima does make Nalu canon, then I'll talk about it. I highly doubt it will make me like the series less. It certainly won't affect anything I'm doing with the rewrite, given my rules for changes. Consider that I've been able to talk about Gruvia negatively at this point in the series. I'll absolutely continue to talk smack about Nalu if it ends up canon.

That said, I have reason to believe that I'm right about the direction Nalu will take. And if I'm right, don't expect my tone on Nalu to stay the same. At the very least, I can promise a third Nalu edition of "My Incredibly Unpopular Thoughts" if Nalu doesn’t happen. I haven't done one in years and I can't think of a better way to celebrate the ship dying once and for all.

#fairy tail #anti nalu #fairy tail month: seven of these?#to be clear #nothing specifically has prompted this #i just have bad timing #i've wanted to do a post like this for months #this is another situation #where one post became two #you'll see the second one some other time

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bobdylanrevisited · 4 years ago

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Blonde On Blonde

Released: 20 June 1966

Rating: 10/10

The finale of the electric trilogy, another masterpiece that pushes the boundaries of Dylan’s singing and penmanship. He described this album as the closest he’s ever gotten to the noises in his head, a thin mercury sound, metallic and bright gold. It was also the first double sided rock album, and his first without an acoustic track, with Dylan continuing to blaze a trail in popular music. Although this album may not be as ‘deep’ as its predecessors, it’s still a thrilling musical adventure that again makes you forget his folk origins, and embrace his role as the leader of a new style of ‘pop’ song.

1) Rainy Day Women No. 12 & 35 - The look on people’s faces when the album opened with this must have been one to behold, it sounds nothing like the Bob we know and love. It’s more like a Mardi Gras parade, with trumpets blaring and the band’s joyous screams, all revolving around a pun on the word ‘stoned’. It’s a brilliant opener, both upbeat, funny, and unlike anything that came before it. Whether the song refers to weed, hedonism, his pious status, or the ancient punishment, it’s hard to argue that ‘everybody must get stoned’.

2) Pledging My Time - A severe change of gear for this track, a much slower blues number, which reworks a number of older blues lyrics, to describe the promise to a lover in the hopes that they will reciprocate the feeling. It’s a fine song, though it does get somewhat lost on the album due to the longevity many of the other tracks have endured.

3) Visions Of Johanna - Generally agreed to be one of the finest songs ever written, it’s no wonder this has remained one of Dylan’s favourites ever since. It’s a colossal piece, proving that no matter what instruments are on the track, the writing is still the soul of what Dylan is doing. Not only are the vocals among the best he’s ever recorded, the song weaves a vivid picture of his strive for perfection. Much like the previous two albums, Bob uses metaphor and surreal imagery to express personal emotion and you can’t help but hang on his every word. You are transported into a dreamlike state, also searching for Johanna and your own personal idea of flawlessness, though for me that may very well just be this song.

4) One Of Us Must Know (Sooner Or Later) - A song about the ending of a relationship, which should be a bleak affair, but I can’t help but singalong and grin as I listen to this brilliant tune. Although it dissects and defends bad behaviours that caused the couple to sour, the instrumentation and the rousing chorus are a joy to hear, and it’s easily one of my favourite tracks on the album.

5) I Want You - At odds with the previous track, this a sweet love song, once again populated my characters and imagery that only Dylan could conjure up. Much like the rest of the album, the tune and melody of this song are remarkably beautiful, and this is certainly Dylan’s most musically ambitious, yet accessible album so far, with this track being another highlight. The song has also been reworked a lot live, and sounds just as beautiful as a ballad, which Dylan played a lot in the late 80s/early 90s.

6) Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again - I think this may be my favourite song on the album, with apologies to Johanna. Whilst it’s simply just another surreal story with a mad cast of people, I absolutely adore it. Again, the tune is catchy and fun, the singing is perfect, and the whole thing comes together to be a track that fills me with indescribable happiness. The live Hard Rain 1976 version is also phenomenal, it’s impossible for this song to sound anything other than amazing.

7) Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat - A satire on fashion, and a lover continuing to wear her new hat in increasingly compromising situations, this is another blues song with a great guitar arrangement and sounded brilliant on the 1966 Live tour. It’s not one of my favourites on the album, but it’s a good song that talks of jealousy and materialism, with the bluesy sound being the main attraction.

8) Just Like A Woman - Potentially written about Edie Sedgwick, this sounds like one of Dylan’s tenderest songs, but the lyrics are actually full of vulnerability and regret. One of Bob’s most popular songs, possibly due to the gentle tune and the grounded imagery, I’ve personally always found it a tiny bit overrated in comparison with the rest of the album, though I understand it is an easy introduction to Dylan for the average listener. However, I will admit that the song is spellbinding when performed live, particularly on the 1966 tour.

9) Most Likely You Go Your Way And I’ll Go Mine - A very literal tale of a breakup, this is again another song that feels joyous despite the content. The guitars and drums add a very fun layer to the tune, and it’s another track that hasn’t got a deep message, but is just a brilliantly sung rock song that helps make this album the most musically enjoyable yet.

10) Temporary Like Achilles - Another blues number about a breakup and a new lover. There’s not much to write about this one, other than it’s again a fun tune, this time revolving around a double entendre: ‘honey, why are you so hard?’

11) Absolutely Sweet Marie - This is another catchy tune, and whilst it’s still influenced by the blues, it is more upbeat. Much like the previous track it’s full of innuendo, but it sounds like a ‘pop’ song that you may hear on the radio, with a more restrained style of singing from Bob. It’s another fine song which would be considered more a filler track, if not for the line ‘to live outside the law you must be honest’, which is one of his most quoted lyrics. It shows that even when he’s not telling a mad story or protesting injustice, he’s still the world’s best songwriter and can toss legendary lines into a largely throwaway song.

12) Fourth Time Around - Written as a response to The Beatles ‘Norwegian Wood’, Dylan uses this dark tale of a lover’s fight to take aim at John Lennon’s ‘new’ style of writing, that sounded an awful lot like it had been stolen from Bob. Musically, it is the same as ‘Norwegian Wood’, with the last line warning ‘I never asked for your crutch, now don’t ask for mine’. Basically, Bob’s telling John not to take his style, whilst also perfectly showing the world that he’s still the best at storytelling and his brand of unique phrasing. This song would haunt John Lennon for some time, as he was paranoid about Dylan’s feelings towards him, but in the end Lennon went in a new direction and Bob remained friends with The Beatles, so any beef seem to be short lived.

13) Obviously Five Believers - Much like previous tracks, another bluesy tune with lyrics about a relationship and wild backing musicians, this is a good little song to dance and singalong with. Robbie Robertson’s guitar playing is particularly impressive on this track, and his playing throughout the whole album is one of the highlights.

14) Sad Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands - Bob had married Sara Lownds three months earlier, and this 11 minute poem of love, beauty, strength, and heavenly romance is an incredible tribute to her. Though much of the album is filled with sombre lyrics about relationships ending and striving for a perfect woman, the closing track is all about how Bob has found what he has been searching for. It’s a gorgeous song that is not only some of his most heartfelt writing, it’s a uncompromising wedding vow that is full of genuine emotion and is brimming with positivity, something Dylan doesn’t often write about. It’s an incredible conclusion to the album, and to this period of his career.

Verdict: Once again, my hyperbolic words can’t do this album or career period justice, for a 25 year old to release three culture changing masterpieces in the space of 15 months is unfathomable. Whilst it could seem somewhat ‘sell out’ with the more radio friendly songs, the whole album is just a thrillingly perfect journey through Dylan’s emotions and experiences, relationships ending, searching for meaning, and finally finding happiness. This album once again includes some of the best songs and singing of his entire career, and the overall sound throughout the record is much more mature and composed. Even the tracks that seem a little more filler are still brilliantly written songs that eclipsed the popular music that was being released at the time. The album is my (joint) second favourite thing he’s ever released, and sadly it would be the last of this particular ‘Bob Dylan’, as he was once again about to cocoon and re-emerge a new man. Following a motorcycle accident in 1966, and his settling down with his new wife and children, the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle was about to be abandoned for a more mellow, more relaxed, and more ‘country’ sound.

#bob dylan #blonde on blonde

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haledamage · 4 years ago

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OC Questionnaire

I was tagged by @actualanxiousswampwitch and not so much tagged as challenged by @queen-scribbles :P

I am tagging/challenging you both back if you have more OCs you want to talk about, plus anyone else who has an OC you want to talk about! really, I want to know about your muses, please share them with me <3

I decided to go with Lexi from Mind Blind because she’s currently my most vocal muse, as well as Ari because I realized I’ve never done one of these for her? not sure how that happened

Lexi Wiseman

GENERAL

name: Alexandria Jane Wiseman

alias(es): Lexi, Lex, Button, Cadet Wiseman

gender: cis female

age: 20

place of birth: Chicago, Illinois

spoken languages: English, sarcasm, probably some coding language? took Spanish and German in high school, but really only remembers how to count to ten and ask where the library is

sexual orientation: bi bi bi

occupation: student at Unity’s Aeon Academy

APPEARANCE

eye colour: hazel

hair colour: brown

height: 5′8”

scars: not any major ones? She scars really easy, so even little things like paper cuts leave a scar, but except for things like that and old scars from scraped knees and elbows as a kid, Lexi doesn’t really have any scars worth mentioning. (or as Lex would say, “my scars are all mental ;)”)

burns: not really many burn scars either. a small and perfectly circular one on the inside of her right ring finger (accidentally bumped into the lit end of a cigarette), a faded line on her right calf from grazing the exhaust pipe of a motorcycle, but that’s really it

overweight: No

underweight: No

FAVOURITE

colour: green, especially darker ones like hunter green or forest green

music genre: loves music, all kinds. most of the covers she does are older pop songs, the songs that have made it into the collective consciousness, but she will listen to or sing anything :)

movie genre: action. loves a superhero movie and not afraid to admit it.

tv show: don’t think she’s much of a tv person. more likely listens to podcasts or watches twitch streams/youtube shows. I feel like she’d be a big Buzzfeed Unsolved fan. occasionally enjoys a cooking competition show like Chopped or Iron Chef, something you can enjoy without having to commit to it. Watches them with Nick because his commentary is the best part.

pastime: music (plays guitar and piano/keyboard, and knows her way around a sampler/MIDI controller), video games (especially fps, co-op or team-based online games preferred)

food: anything Nick cooks, but especially cinnamon pumpkin cookies

drink: cherry coke, sweet iced tea, iced white mocha

book: she’s not a really big reader (not that she doesn’t enjoy it, she just has other ways she’d rather spend her time), but she’ll read just about anything on the occasion she has time to. adventure, romance, mystery, poetry, whatever. really enjoys sci-fi especially, and comic books!

HAVE THEY

passed university: she didn’t go to college per se, since Aeon isn’t technically a college so much as a very particular and multi-year job training course, but she took a few courses at the local community college. Computer programming, music theory, whatever struck her fancy. Probably found something weird that she’ll never need in real life just for the hell of it.

had sex: no

had sex in public: no

gotten pregnant: no

kissed a boy: yes

kissed a girl: yes

gotten tattoos: no, but she wants one. eventually. once she settles on a design

had a broken heart: sure, in lots of different ways. the situation with her mom could certainly be considered heart-breaking...

been in love: she would deny it if you asked her, but yes. Very yes.

stayed up for longer than 24 hours: sure, yeah, why not? sleep is overrated anyway

ARE THEY

a virgin: yes. look, when you live with your brother who is a mind-reader and you have literally no way to stop loudly projecting your thoughts, sex is a tricky and awkward situation. better to just avoid it until someone comes along that’s worth it.

a cuddler: yes, very much so. Maybe a little touch-starved, despite Nick and Sally’s efforts. Someone please give her a hug.

a kisser: sometimes

scared easily: startles easily, but doesn’t actually frighten easily

jealous easily: not really. envy, on the other hand...

trustworthy: yes, but she’ll be the first to tell you not to tell her any secrets. She can’t promise what people can hear from her thoughts

dominant: not really. Can be assertive, but prefers to kind of go with the flow

submissive: not really submissive either, though maybe leans more toward it than toward dominant

in love: with her brother’s best friend. Has been for years now, expects she will be for the foreseeable future. She accepts that she will spend her life pining from afar. It’s not like Gray could ever feel the same, right?

single: yep

RANDOM QUESTIONS

have they harmed themselves: nope

thought of suicide: I don’t think so

attempted suicide: no

Wanted to kill someone: no

rode a horse: nope

have / had a job: her situation makes it a little difficult to work normal jobs. I would imagine she makes money through patreon with her music, and she will eventually have a job at Unity as a MIV, once she finishes at Aeon

have any fears: loss of control (again), not being good enough, abandonment, rejection (specifically being rejected for things she can’t change; she’s fine if people don’t like her for her personality, some people just have bad taste)

FAMILY

sibling(s): older brother Nick, relationship status: besties against all odds

Parents: John and Hope Wiseman, relationship status: fucking complicated

children: none, she is baby

pets: none

---

Aurienne the Sparrow

GENERAL

name: Aurienne the Sparrow. She had a last name once, but she doesn’t remember it.

alias(es): Ari, Little Bird, The Sparrow Queen

gender: nonbinary female/demigirl

age: 23

place of birth: Andoran, she assumes. It’s the first place she remembers living, at the very least.

spoken languages: Common, Elvish, a little Celestial thanks to her sister

sexual orientation: bisexual

occupation: Queen of the Stolen Lands, somehow

APPEARANCE

eye colour: light gray

hair colour: black

height: 5′10”

scars: a thin but deep and ragged scar across her throat that she normally keeps covered by a scarf or choker or high collar; arrow puncture in her left shoulder; long line on her inner right thigh from a greatsword that almost cut her leg off entirely; a few other minor ones

burns: a few on her fingertips from accidents with her flaming crossbow

overweight: No

underweight: No

FAVOURITE

colour: gold

music genre: punk and all its subgenres :)

movie genre: she loves a musical, all musicals

tv show: dramas and monster of the week shows. wants a tv show that’ll make her cry

pastime: music (when she’s feeling confident enough to give it a try again, which is… a work in progress), reading, silly but harmless pranks. Loves to meditate a surprising amount, just sit in silent contemplation.

food: samosas, lemon macarons

drink: matcha latte with white chocolate syrup

book: has a deep and unending love of poetry

HAVE THEY

passed university: nope, didn’t go to school

had sex: yes

had sex in public: ��...perhaps

gotten pregnant: nope

kissed a boy: yes

kissed a girl: yes

gotten tattoos: yes, seven sparrows down her spine. recently, the one on the back of her neck got a tiny little crown over its head :)

had a broken heart: yes

been in love: yes

stayed up for longer than 24 hours: yes, but rarely

ARE THEY

a virgin: nope

a cuddler: sort of? I think she wants to be, but is scared to let herself be vulnerable like that. Will happily cuddle with anyone who initiates, though

a kisser: not really, unless she’s in a mood

scared easily: yes, but hides it well

jealous easily: nope

trustworthy: very

dominant: not really. Prefers to let others take the reins (probably not the best trait for a queen, but as she is quick to tell people, being in charge was never her idea)

submissive: most of the time. Probably a big part of why she and Tristian took so long to get together...

in love: yes, with a literal angel

single: she’s not sure??? like, they haven’t really made anything official yet, but no one would ever look at the two of them together and not think they’re a couple. they should probably have a talk about that soon

RANDOM QUESTIONS

have they harmed themselves: no

thought of suicide: yes

attempted suicide: no

Wanted to kill someone: yes

rode a horse: yes

have / had a job: former mercenary/adventurer, former baroness, currently queen of the Stolen Lands? She’s still not entirely sure how that happened

have any fears: helplessness, losing those she loves, being silenced (again)

FAMILY

sibling(s): twin sister, Auriel the Dove

parents: both deceased (I should probably name them at some point…)

children: none. Maybe someday...

pets: an owlcat named Headchomper, a red panda named Ember, an orange tabby cat named Tiger, a giant black wolf named Baron who is technically her sister’s animal companion and also technically her nephew

#lexi wiseman #aurienne the sparrow #anytime I make lexi in a picrew I put a jacket or overshirt or hoodie on her that she definitely stole #and ari is just black tank top + scarf every time #almost gave lexi a cat but I'm not entirely sure if she and nick are cat people. but like? it's in my head now. it has a name and everything #we'll see

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lantur · 5 years ago

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if you were mine - part two

summary: Riza has been working on the unit for close to a year when she starts to wonder whether Colonel Mustang’s interest in her is more than professional.

rated: t | words: 4602

part two of four, read part one here

read on ao3

Riza goes home from work on the Monday evening after she and Colonel Mustang return from their undercover assignment in Maastricht. She walks Hayate and cooks dinner, trying a new stew recipe Rebecca had raved about, and then settles on the sofa with this month’s issue of Guns & Ammo and Hayate at her side.

Everything has felt a little surreal since returning from Maastricht late last night. She had fantasized about it for so many years that now that it’s happened, it’s somehow surreal, dreamlike. She keeps expecting to wake up. Reading will help ground her, and she has been looking forward to this issue, featuring a long-awaited review of the Winchester Wildcat.

Riza is halfway into the review of the semi-automatic rifle when she hears a familiar knock on the door. Three short raps, two in quick succession and the last after a pause of exactly four seconds.

Her eyes widen, and she sits up straight, setting the magazine aside, as Hayate yips. She opens the door and pulls her visitor in quickly, casting looks down both sides of the hallway to make sure that none of her neighbors are out and about.

“Don’t worry,” Roy says, shrugging his coat off and throwing it on the rack near the door. “The building’s empty tonight. And I wasn’t followed.”

Riza sighs, relieved. “Good.”

He tilts her face up to his and kisses her, long and slow, and Riza’s knees almost weaken. She will never get used to this. She never wants to get used to this. Yet, it’s just a little jarring, considering that five hours ago, they were in the office together and he had been leading a unit meeting about how to ensnare one of East City’s crime kingpins.

Roy pulls back and gives her that signature look of his - so very perceptive, like he had just read her thoughts. “How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Fine,” Riza says, taking his hand and leading him to the sofa.

He sits close beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She nestles into him, relishing the intimacy. “Really?”

“Really,” she repeats. “I’ve always been able to compartmentalize. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Of course I do,” Roy says, as if that should be obvious. “You’re my subordinate, and my girlfriend. It’s my job to look out for you.”

“What was that? I didn’t quite catch the last part.”

“You’re my subordinate and my girlfriend, and so it’s my job to--” Roy begins, and then heaves a sigh when he catches the small smile on her face.

“Sorry,” Riza says. “I couldn’t help myself. It’s just so… wholesome, considering the words I’ve been using when I think of it.”

Roy looks down at her. “Don’t let this impact the way you think of yourself, Riza,” he says sharply. “This doesn’t make you any less of an officer or a professional.”

“How can it not?” She hugs her knees to her chest. “It’s drilled into all of our heads from day one of the academy. Don’t fuck your coworkers, but especially don’t fuck your commanding officer or your subordinates.”

Roy winces at the reminder. “I know,” he says. “I reconciled that by reminding myself that there was no coercion, and that I’m not the one who makes decisions about you getting promoted. And I know that I won’t give you preferential treatment, because I also know that this isn’t going to change any of the work you - or we - do.”

Riza leans against him. “Thank you for your faith in me.”

“Always,” he says simply, stroking her hair. “Always.”

“It is good that you came over, though,” Riza says. “I’ve been wondering how this is going to work.”

“Oh?”

“We need to set procedures.” She looks longingly at the pen and notebook on the coffee table. “It goes against everything in me as your adjutant to not write them down and keep a record of it. We’ll have to rely on our memories.”

“Of course.” Roy glances at her thoughtfully. “I came in through the service entrance of your building today. Let’s continue to do that.”

“Good. And we’ll always be in civilian clothes, of course.”

Roy looks over at his black overcoat and frowns. “I’ll have to get a few more. We should avoid repeating any distinguishing articles of clothing, like coats, scarves, hats, and so on.”

“Good thought,” Riza says approvingly. “Any other ideas?”

“Meetings no more than thrice a week, never on consecutive days,” Roy says reluctantly. “And never before nine at night. We need to be sure that we’re not followed by anyone on foot or in a vehicle. If there’s any suspicion of being tailed, we should go back to our own place and stay there for the rest of the night.”

Riza hesitates, considering. “We shouldn’t stay the entire night when we’re together, either. We should leave well before dawn. Maybe four in the morning, at the absolute latest. The last thing we need is for anyone to see us leaving each other’s place early in the morning. That’s even harder to explain away than a late night visit.”

Roy takes her hand, rubbing it apologetically.

“And no meetings outside of our personal residences,” she presses on. “Parks, bars, restaurants, the theatre, all out of the question. If we’re associating anywhere outside of work, our unit has to be there.”

“Just what I need, more time with Havoc.” Roy stands and walks over to the window, pulling the shutters down with a snap, and Riza grimaces at their oversight. “Windows closed and shutters down,” he says. “We’ll both sweep our apartments for bugs or surveillance every other day, and especially before a meeting. I’ll check my car regularly as well. Have we missed anything?”

“This should go without saying,” Riza says pointedly. “But absolutely no unprofessional behavior in the office, even when we’re alone after hours.”

Roy gives her a mournful look. “Fine.”

“Of course, we will act no differently at work or when socializing with the unit. That shouldn’t be a challenge.”

Roy comes back to the sofa and sits beside her. “Maes won’t learn about this, either,” he says. “And neither will Catalina. They can - and will, and probably do already, if your conversations with Catalina are anything like mine with Maes - speculate, but those suspicions will remain unconfirmed.”

“They’re both trustworthy about any suspicions they might have, too.”

They look at each other for several moments, the grim weight of the discussion sinking in. Riza remembers his words in Maastricht, the warning that this won’t look like a normal relationship. She hadn’t fully realized the extent of that statement then.

“This is all very unromantic,” Roy says, his shoulders slumping. He runs a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. “I’m sorry.”

Riza leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek. “Romance,” she says, “is overrated.”

Riza remembers the learning curve when she had started working on the unit.

The military academy had trained her to be a soldier, not an adjutant specifically, so the learning curve had been steep. Prior to starting her duties, she had studied every book on the role of the adjutant that she could find in the East City Command Library from cover to cover. Additionally, she had requested meetings and interviews with every other adjutant of every other high-ranking officer in East City, and taken pages upon pages notes from each meeting.

She had prepared herself as best as she could. And despite her anxiety, she had marshaled every drop of her composure and been the consummate professional from her first day on the unit.

At the end of her first week, she had mastered the typewriter. At the end of her first month, she had learned how to handle the massive quantity of administrative paperwork on her workload. At the end of her first quarter, she had learned the intricacies of the political and interpersonal relationships between every high-ranking officer stationed at East City Command.

This isn’t so different.

Riza learns several things in quick succession.

She learns that sex feels different in her bedroom than it does in an inn two hours away from home. It feels safer, more familiar, comforting.

In her most private moments, alone in bed, stripping off her clothes and holding a pillow to her breasts, eyes closed, she had wondered what being with Roy would be like. If he would be gentle, tender, restrained, slow, teasing, flirtatious, serious, passionate… She’d had fantasies for every single possibility. She had wondered if she would ever have an answer to that question.

Riza is fascinated to learn that the answer is all of the above, depending on the night and their moods. She wholeheartedly enjoys learning that she loves every one of them equally. She loves it when Roy pins her wrists above her head and presses slow kisses to the inside of her forearms. She loves straddling him on the sofa, kissing him hard, threading her fingers through his hair as he grips her hips tight.

She had never fantasized about this, because years later, it is still a sore spot - figuratively, and literally, though only on particularly hot days. She learns that she even loves being facedown in bed, Roy running his fingertips gently up her spine, from the small of her ruined back, over her shoulder blades, to the nape of her neck. It makes her entire body tingle and shiver, makes her squirm and moan his name softly into the pillow beneath her.

Do you want me to stop? Roy had asked at once, pulling back, his concern evident, and Riza had grabbed his hand and pulled it back to her. Please don’t, she had said. Please.

She likes it when he stays mostly dressed, because Roy is so devastatingly handsome in the formal clothes he likes so much. She likes it just as much when he pulls off his shirt, tossing it aside, so she can run her hands over the muscles in his arms, shoulders, and chest. Predictably, he prefers when she takes everything off, though he makes exceptions when she’s wearing a short skirt.

Riza learns that Roy can be so enthusiastic that he borders on clumsy. Passionate, he corrects, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her to the bedroom. Not clumsy. He kisses her so hard that they fall against walls in their apartments’ bedrooms and hallways (though he always cradles the back of her head in one hand so that she doesn’t bump it). She learns that Roy loves it when she nibbles on his ears and his neck, and she is surprised to learn that there’s nothing she likes better than when he trails his fingertips over her hips and stomach.

She learns that she’s never enjoyed the sound of her name more than when he says it, breathed into her ear and nuzzled against it, or holding her tight in his arms, and he feels the same way.

And Riza learns about contraceptives for the first time. She knew they existed, of course, but she’d never had the need to learn anything further.

My aunt recommends a tea called Queen Anne’s Lace for the ladies at the bar, Roy tells her, somewhat red-faced, and then thrusts a paper with notes at her. I called her and asked for instructions on how to make it. She said to follow her instructions to the letter, and that we should call her if we have any issues getting the powder here. She’ll send it from Central. She has plenty.

Luckily, Riza finds that Amelia’s Apothecary on the far side of town sells Queen Anne’s Lace, powdered. Within a month, she becomes an expert at brewing it, though she never gets used to the bitter taste.

And the months slide effortlessly into a year, a span of time that feels like twice that. Between their history, their work, and their intimate relationship, their lives have never been more completely intertwined. It had happened so seamlessly, the transition - integration? - from colleagues and friends to lovers.

Riza takes Hayate for walks and goes out with Rebecca on the weekends and in the evenings. Sometimes her gaze lingers on couples out to dinner, sitting at restaurant patios, holding hands. Sharing picnics at the park, walking together, going out for ice-cream dates, or to the theatre.

Over time, those moments pile up. Moments of little things that make her wistful. Riza chides herself whenever it happens. She averts her eyes and redirects her thoughts. She knew what she was getting into at the start.

She reminds herself of that every time Roy leaves in the middle of the night (kissing her thoroughly, apologetically). She reminds herself of that every morning she wakes up alone, and places a hand on the pillow that still smells faintly of Roy’s shampoo.

It is little comfort to know that Roy feels as bad about it as she does. He has always been generous with her, always buying her food and drinks long before they had begun their illicit relationship, but afterwards, he veers somewhat out of control.

The first thing he buys her is an enormous box of fancy dog treats for Hayate - a sweet gesture. Then comes an upgraded access card to the shooting range, and then a steady stream of firearm parts, polishes, cleaning tools, and other accessories.

Then come boxes of gourmet coffee, tea, and honey. A set of fancy soaps, shampoos, and lotions that weighs almost as much as Hayate. A beautiful cream-colored utility coat that instantly becomes a new favorite. A pair of warm slippers, satin pajamas, a cloud-soft pink bathrobe, several blouses and skirts, a few new pairs of earrings. Under the veneer of smoothness, Roy looks almost imperceptibly anxious on the rare occasion that he gives her the gifts in person. Most of the time, he leaves them in her apartment while she’s out with Rebecca.

“Thank you for bringing me those files about the 1865 unrest in South City,” Riza says quietly, one afternoon when it’s just the two of them in the office. “They were very interesting reading.”

She had gotten back from dinner with Rebecca last night to find the latest in the novel series she likes; The Cases of Eddie Drake, sitting on her bed. The book had just been released a day ago.

Colonel Mustang (she makes herself think of him as Colonel Mustang during work hours) looks pleased. “I’m glad you found it enlightening. I’d like to read through those files as soon as you’re finished.”

“I did find it interesting.” Riza hesitates for just an instant. “With that being said, you don’t have to take the trouble of bringing me files from the library. I can always pick up or order files myself if I need them.”

Colonel Mustang rifles through some paperwork on his desk, making a noncommittal sound. “Don’t worry about it.”

Riza looks over at him. “I mean it, sir. There’s no need for you to go out of your way for me.”

Colonel Mustang clears his throat. “It’s the least I can do for you, Lieutenant.”

“Colonel, it’s really not necessary--”

“I ask a lot of you, Lieutenant. I know that.” Colonel Mustang’s tone brooks no argument. “So please let me do what I can for you.”

“...Thank you, sir.”

Breda, Havoc, Fuery, and Falman return from their lunch then, and Riza lets it drop.

Riza finds a blank memo on her desk one Friday morning, a few weeks later.

She looks over at Colonel Mustang’s desk. He is leaning back in his chair, idly flipping through a report, looking bored out of his mind.

Riza steps out for a break a couple of hours later and takes the memo with her, folded into a tiny square and tucked into her pocket. She locks herself into a stall in the ladies’ bathroom, pulls out a small lighter, and holds it to the paper. Not too close, but not too far.

The heat triggers the special ink, and the words gradually appear before her, written in Colonel Mustang’s neat, precise handwriting. Vollkar Overlook, past the fourth mile marker, ten p.m. Bring Hayate.

It’s a short message, and it takes no longer than an instant to commit it to memory. Riza burns the memo.

She returns to the office and frowns at Colonel Mustang, who is now hunched over the report and appears to be doodling in the margins. He gives her an irrepressible smile.

Riza takes a cab to Trettach Park and walks the thirty minutes to Vollkar Overlook from there, with Hayate by her side. She is grateful for the opportunity to practice their rarely used woodland concealment skills. She keeps vigilant as she walks, hyper-aware of any sound beyond the normal, expected ones, but she still has some mental space to wonder what Roy’s intentions for the memo had been. This could be a professional meeting, or a personal one.

She gets her answer when they emerge from the tree line onto the grassy overlook. Riza blinks, startled, and Hayate yips, rushing forward to greet Roy.

“I don’t know why you’re concerned about your stealth skills,” he says ruefully, bending to pet Hayate. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Good. I’m glad to know that we’ve made improvements.” Riza takes in the sight before her, astonished. A blanket spread out on the grass, with a small radio on top of it, and an assortment of fruits, fancy snacks, cheeses, chocolates, and wine. And even a rawhide bone for Hayate. The radio is playing a soft jazz station. “What is all this?”

“A date, obviously.” Roy wraps an arm around her, and then casts a baleful glance up at the sky. “It was intended to be a romantic moonlight picnic, but the cloud cover isn’t cooperating.”

Riza steps away, looking nervously around them. The overlook is deserted, and Roy’s car is the only one parked on the road. “This is sweet of you, but it violates our procedures,” she says, hating it. “It’s not safe. Anyone could drive up, including a police patrol.”

“I’ve staked it out every night at this time for the past few nights, and had the rest of the unit observe it at night for a week and a half before that. No one comes past the second mile marker. I figured just in case anyone does approach on foot, Hayate would sense it and alert us. And no police patrols will pass the second mile marker tonight, either.” Roy clears his throat. “I called in a favor.”

Riza looks at him, and then back at the picnic, touched by the effort, tempted, and torn. There’s a sudden lump in her throat at the idyllic normalcy of it all. She hadn’t realized how badly she wanted this, how badly she craved some of that normalcy that other couples took so much for granted, until this moment.

Roy puts a hand on her shoulder, sensing the conflict. “Please let me do this for you,” he says quietly. “Everything will be all right. I promise.”

Riza finally, reluctantly nods, and he takes her hand, leading her to the blanket.

They enjoy a long dinner, complete with an olive-throwing target practice exercise that ends with all of Riza’s olives making it into Roy’s mouth at increasingly impressive ranges. To compensate for his lack of aim with the olives, he feeds her the chocolate “like a normal boyfriend would.” It is the kind of indulgent, lovesick display she avoids looking at when passing by other couples at the park, and it feels incredible to engage in it.

“Thank you for doing this,” Riza says, stroking her fingers through his hair. Roy is lying with his head in her lap, looking more relaxed than she’s seen him in a long while. She feels somehow lighter than she had before as well, temporarily freed from holding this secret so close to her heart.

Roy sits up and then shrugs, flustered. “I should have done this much earlier. And I wish I could do more,” he says, after a pause. “Take you out to dinner properly, to the theatre, or the symphony. I hate that I can do that with other women, but not with you. It feels wrong.”

“We both know that it’s not genuine, though,” Riza says gently. “It’s a farce to gather information. Nothing more.”

“I know, but you deserve those nights,” Roy says, frustration creeping into his voice. “You deserve so much more than what I’ve been able to give you. A few gifts, takeout dinners, every time we see each other being in our apartments - I treat you like some of the senior staff treats their secret mistresses. I hate it.”

Riza stares at him, surprised by the outburst; by the fact that he had voiced what she has thought in her darker moments. Roy averts his gaze from hers. “Sometimes I worry that you won’t put up with it for much longer,” he murmurs. “That you’ll realize that you would rather be with a man who doesn’t treat you like a dirty little secret.”

Riza reaches out, cupping his face with one hand, searching for the right words. “You talk about what you’ve been able to give me and what I deserve. What you’ve given me is a relationship with a man I love and trust more than anything,” she says firmly. “I wouldn’t trade that for the world.”

Roy looks at her steadily. “I love you, Riza.”

Riza smiles. “I love you too.”

They board the six o’clock evening train from Resembool to East City in silence.

They sit next to each other, hand-in-hand. By the time the train arrives at the East City station, they will have moved to sit across from one another, the image of professionalism.

Riza stares out the window at the rolling green hills and meadows that they pass, lost in thought. She feels a little sick to her stomach, a little nauseous. The events of the day keep replaying in her mind. What they had seen in the Elric home. Alphonse Elric, soul-bound to a massive suit of armor - that suit of armor speaking in the sweet, innocent voice of a young boy. Edward Elric, so young, but so broken, despondent.

They were just children.

She had remained professional and calm throughout, but it had shaken her, and even now, Riza’s eyes sting as she thinks back to it. She had been unprepared for the emotion she had felt at meeting the two boys; for the desire to draw both of them into her arms and tell them that everything would be all right.

“I’m glad that Edward seems interested in your offer,” she says. “It will be good for him to have structure, a sense of purpose, and some more positive figures in his life. I think that will save him from slipping into further despair.”

“Yeah,” Roy says. “Poor kid. Both of them.” He glances at her out of the corner of his eye. “Are you okay? Everything we saw at the Elric home, and Alphonse…”

Riza swallows. “It’s hard to take in,” she says, resting her head against his shoulder. “Just imagining the suffering they went through. They’ve been very brave.”

They lapse into silence again, and Riza has some difficulty putting the children out of her mind. Edward, Alphonse, the young girl Winry. Even little Elicia comes to mind. She and Roy had visited Maes and Gracia in Central a couple of months ago. Gracia had made a lovely dinner, and afterwards, the four of them had sat and talked and she and Roy had taken turns holding Elicia. Elicia was sweet and agreeable, and Riza had been surprised by how strangely bittersweet it had felt to hold the toddler in her lap, wrapping her arms around her small body. And watching Roy hold Elicia afterwards, seeing the little girl smile and laugh at the silly voices that “Uncle Roy” did for her - that had been more bitter than sweet.

It’s been almost six years, now. In another world, she and Roy would have been married years ago, with their own Elicia to hold.

Of course, that isn’t possible, and won’t be for a very long time. Riza has reconciled herself to that. She doesn’t feel wistful at the idea of weddings anymore, or look twice at wedding dresses in boutique windows. But it’s only recently that this new realization has hit her - that there most likely won’t be a little dark-haired Elicia, or a little blonde boy like Edward.

She is twenty-five now and Roy is twenty-eight, and there is no telling how far he is from becoming Fuhrer and repealing the anti-fraternization regulations. It could be a decade, conservatively speaking. Optimistically speaking. More realistically, they are looking at fifteen years.

The idea of children of their own is another thing that she will have to let go of.

Riza exhales slowly, trying to release some of the tightness in her chest. It doesn’t work.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Roy asks. “You seem preoccupied.”

“I’m fine.” Riza turns to him, attempting to distract herself. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about growing my hair out.”

Roy blinks. “It’ll be harder for me to run my fingers through if it’s long,” he says ruefully, and does just that, a lingering, tender touch. “It’s hard for me to imagine what you’ll look like. You’ve had it short since the day I met you.”

Riza thinks back to that day, to her relief at no longer being alone in that big house with her father, and smiles.

“I’m sure it’ll be beautiful, though,” Roy says, squeezing her hand. “You always have been.”

Riza nudges him in the side. “And you’ve always been charming to me, even as a seventeen-year-old apprentice.”

“Seventeen...” Roy sighs. “I was so young then.”

“Barely twenty, when you enlisted,” Riza says, thinking about Edward Elric. “Edward is even younger. As a State Alchemist, he’ll be a major at thirteen.”

“That will come with its fair share of challenges,” Roy muses. “He’ll struggle to fit in, on one level, and on another... I know you mentioned exposure to more positive figures in his life, but you have to consider the caliber of people outside of our unit. He’ll be exposed to a lot of negative influences as well.”

Riza frowns, and she can’t help but think back to Ishval, to Kimblee. That is the caliber of some of the Amestris military. Roy squeezes her hand, reading her train of thought, as he always does. “You and Maes can take him under your wings. The two of you are the best influences the military has to offer him. It’s regrettable that Edward lost his parents, but knowing you and knowing Maes - you both can mold him into a good soldier, and a good man.”

Riza nods resolutely. “We will.”

Unbidden, Riza thinks of Fuhrer Bradley, his wife, and their young son, just adopted a couple of years ago. They seem like such a happy family. Mrs. Bradley, especially, dotes on Selim, and Selim adores her. She thinks of Roy’s aunt, Chris Mustang, and how she had raised Roy after the accident that had orphaned him. She’s seen Roy with Chris; underneath the sniping and the sharp verbal barbs they trade, the love they have for one another is clear.

Parenthood can take different forms for different people, Riza reminds herself, and she holds that thought tight, a lifeline. It will be all right.

to be continued

Any thoughts or comments would be very much appreciated! I hope you enjoyed it. :)

#royai #riza hawkeye #roy mustang #fma:b #fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood #roy x riza #royai fanfic #roy mustang x riza hawkeye #royai fic

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scrapsofsky · 5 years ago

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I have once more (and a very long time ago) been challenged by Ian Sales to join him in our un-named war to come up with the best arbitrary list of films within an equally arbitrarily selected category. You can find previous iterations of this absurdity here, here, here, here, and here. We have, alas, not done this in a long while, which we can both blame on being busy with many other things.

But in the interest of rekindling silliness, I have been loosely challenged by Ian to come up with a list of 10 underrated SF/F films from the last 20 years, which is a direct response to this ScreenRant list. Since this list is in response to a link with a remarkably open prompt, I’ve opted to stick to the 10 item list format. Future challenges will go back to our favorite number: 5.

Ian, of course, has already dropped his list. Go check it out!

With that in mind, the following list of 10 films represent my attempt to put together films that I consider to be overrated. My criteria is fairly simple:

It must be a SF/F film released since 1999.

It must be underrated in the sense that it is underappreciated by the SF/F community or has largely been forgotten. Box office numbers may be part of the equation, but mostly I will go on my own interactions with the SF/F community and sadly arbitrary interpretations of what has been “lost” to everyday discourse.

I literally don’t care if the movies I pick are considered “good” by other people, and so I’ve picked films that I think are interesting for some reason or another. This inevitably means that you will hate my list and wish me to fall into a pit of endless fire.

So, without further adieu, here’s my list:

The Place Promised in Our Early Days (2004)(dir. Makoto Shinkai)

One of my first academic essay publications focused on this film, which should tell you how much I enjoy it. Kumo no Mukō, Yakusoku no Basho is, in my opinion, Makoto Shinkai’s magnum opus. A story of friendship, betrayal, and love. A story of the Cold War, imperial control, and out of control technology. Shinkai’s method of storytelling is remarkable: low key and vibrant, emotionally tense and freeing. In a world where Hayao Miyazaki is considered the King of Japanese Animation, Shinkai’s work has sadly not received the appreciation it deserves — Kumo no Mukō, Yakusoku no Basho especially.

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)(dir. David Twohy)

I strongly considered putting 2000’s Pitch Black here instead, but I think that film, while perhaps a bit underrated today, has received considerable praise. Its sequel, The Chronicles of Riddick, however, has often been derided for one reason or another. Unfairly, in my opinion. From its Gothic (with a side of emo) aesthetic to its expansion of the Riddick universe into a sprawling space opera to its total commitment to the gritty, morally ambiguous treasure trove of dirty, grungy themes, places, and characters, The Chronicles of Riddick is easily one of my favorite science fiction films of the last 20-ish years. Plus, the cast is fantastic. This is a hill I’m willing to die on. (Also: I look forward to checking out Furya and Merc City in the near future!)

Night Watch and Day Watch (2004 and 2006)(dir. Timur Bekmambetov)

I’m counting these as one because it’s my list and I can do what I want. This Russian duology is based on Sergey Lukyanenko urban fantasy novels about the conflict between two supernatural factions who monitor the actions of one another as part of an uneasy truce. Part detective thriller and part dark fantasy, the films pack quite a punch. However, outside of the circuit of foreign film lovers within SF/F, they’ve largely flown under the radar, this despite starring well known Russian actor Konstantin Khabensky. If you’ve never seen these films, you owe it to yourself to watch them, even if for no other reason than to watch someone drive a sports car across the face of an apartment complex!

Sunshine (2007)(dir. Danny Boyle)

I considered putting Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later here instead, but I don’t think that film is actually all that underrated even if it doesn’t get as much play today as it did a decade ago. Sunshine, however, has spent most of its existence floating between general praise for its visuals and premise and general dislike for its second act. And, yes, it is a spectacularly gorgeous film, but that second act is, in my opinion, far more interesting than most people are willing to admit. Turning a space thriller into a horror film as a commentary on the paradoxical frailty and strength of the human spirit is, in my opinion, a gutsy move. For me, that move pays off, and it’s one of the reasons I think this film has remained underrated. It doesn’t follow the pattern these stories usually follow. It’s basically Armageddon if that film took itself seriously and Rockhound actually went insane. And that makes it an infinitely more interesting film.

Upgrade (2018)(dir. Leigh Whannell)

If you didn’t get a chance to see Upgrade, you’re missing out. This sleeper scifi action thriller had some of the most compelling fight choreography and shot compositions of 2018, and yet it flew under the radar. I had the good fortune to see the film in theaters; the experience did not disappoint. Much of the fight choreography relied on some impressive camera trickery to follow the lead actor’s movements, giving the entire film a robotic and wonky feel. It’s truly exciting to watch, and I wish more people had had the opportunity to do so in an actual theater. Because it’s gorgeous on the big screen!

Push (2009)(dir. Paul McGuigan)

I will watch almost anything with Djimon Hounsou in it. Push is one of those forgotten little films that takes a less in-your-face approach to the whole super powers concept. In this world, people with powers are test subjects or hidden in plain sight, monitored by a nefarious organization with equally nefarious intents. By comparison to the typical superhero film we have today, Push is quite restrained, relishing in the quirks and trickery of its list of powers and giving actors like Dakota Fanning the space to place (watching her drunkenly stumble around is kinda fun). It’s an imperfect film to be sure, but one that I still love.

Hulk (2003)(dir. Ang Lee)

I’m going to catch hell for this, but Ang Lee’s Hulk is one of my favorite superhero movies to date. I even prefer it to that other Hulk film by a long mile. Lee does give us some of the stuff you expect from a superhero film (big fight scenes and visual spectacle), but I particularly love the softer focus on Banner and his mental state. It feels more like a film that is trying to say something about human nature than a film stuck in an endless action sequence or caught up in villainy for the sake of villainy. For me, that means the film takes more chances with its performance and themes. And I’m always more compelled by the film that tries to do something interesting and failed than I am by the alternative.

Another Earth (2011)(dir. Mike Cahill)

Independent cinema has a tendency to produce some truly introspective and powerful films. Another Earth is no exception. A film about loss, guilty, love, and second chances, Another Earth‘s science fiction premise (a mirror Earth) is really just background, offering an opportunity in the conclusion and lending weight to the central thematic of loss and guilt as the romance between the protagonists comes head-to-head with a secret that threatens to tear them apart. The narrative is at times quite haunting, but it also commands us to think more deeply about what it means to seek forgiveness, to seek second chances, to live with loss, and so on. And if you like this one, Sound of My Voice (2011) is a far creepier film about cults that also stars Brit Marling!

Dredd (2012)(dir. Pete Travis)

We will never get an adaptation of Judge Dredd that is as good as 2012’s Dredd. A vicious, unrelenting and dark film, Dredd is one of those films that desperately deserves more credit than it has thus far received. Karl Urban’s performance is textbook perfection, and Travis’ direction gives this a brutally honest tone. And unlike its predecessor adaptation, Dredd isn’t endlessly mockable; instead, it is a visually arresting satire that makes most action thrillers look tame. There are few films on this list that I would say are perfect. Dredd is one of them.

The Cat Returns (2002)(dir. Hiroyuki Morita)

Studio Ghibli gets a lot of well-deserved love for its many Hayao Miyazaki films (my favorite Miyazaki is actually Mononoke Hime / Princess Mononoke). But one film the studio doesn’t get enough credit for is the utterly delightful Neko no Ongaeshi / The Cat Returns (or The Cat’s Repayment). It’s an Alice in Wonderland type tale (or tail, heh) about a young girl who gets sucked into the secret world of cats. Calling this film delightful is an understatement. It is downright adorable, and it has been sadly overshadowed by Ghibli’s many other exceptional productions. But if you’re looking for a cute (and sometimes hilarious) fantasy adventure involving talking cats, The Cat Returns is the film for you.

And that’s it. That’s my list. I could add many other films here, but I’ve limited myself to ten.

Now for a challenge to Ian and anyone else who wants to take it: pick your five favorite films featuring talking animals! Go!

It's time for another #FilmChallenge. @ian_sales challenged me to come up with 10 underrated SF/F films released between 1999 and 2019. So here's my list! :D I have once more (and a very long time ago) been challenged by Ian Sales to join him in our un-named war to come up with the best arbitrary list of films within an equally arbitrarily selected category.

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stedes-black-bonnet · 6 years ago

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My Baby Does Me: Chapter 26

POV: John Deacon x reader

Notes: masterlist, dudes

Warnings: goodness none; Deacy just isn’t that kind of guy.

Abstract: No more questions just you and I...

----------------------------

John Deacon walked through the garden path back to his green Mercedes-Benz. He gripped the handle, key in hand, lost in thought. It was always bittersweet, this car. It always made him think of her. Technically, her’s had been the blue one, though. Very much like her eyes, exactly like her eyes; they had joked, at the time, that their cars matched their eye colors, and perhaps they should switch models, so they could always see each other. It had been one of those romantic, foolish things people say when they’re in love and happy. Coming from anyone else, it would have made you cringe, but when it came from John and Veronica, well, people couldn’t help but see how sharply authentic their love was, and how unfairly happy they were.

God, they had been happy together. It was the kind of happiness that made other people unduly jealous and grossly resentful, and this only made them more devoted to each other. They fed off the attention from others and the passion from each other and used that to create the perfect marital balance. So much so that when John had suggested they switch cars, Veronica had loved the purity of the notion as much as she had the opportunity to make people sigh at their too real love. Freddie frequently said if he and Jim had tried half of the casually romantic things she and John had done, it would have come off as trying too hard or disingenuous; Jim had called them the real McCoy. Deacy knew better, though, and often reminded Freddie and Jim their own romance was a glorious sight to behold. Freddie called them a pair of old married couples, which Deacy had loved.

She had loved the idea. Simply loved it.

So, they had planned to switch cars, but Deacy had been held back during a recording session for Jazz, and had missed their scheduled rendezvous, so before they could switch cars, she had died.

Just like that. Happened everyday.

Is that what they call the ultimate sacrifice? Or a twist of fate?

If they had switched cars a handful of hours earlier, a measly three or four hours, Deacy could easily be the one who was dead now; the break-line had failed, and she couldn’t stop. In a weird way, he’d always blame himself for her death; he should have met her. He should have kept his promise. She should have been his priority. He’d have gladly died for her. If he could go back, he’d choose to switch cars in time instead of plucking his bass for some record he’d never be able to listen to again, let alone perform, without thinking of her. He’d choose her every damn time. Ultimate sacrifice is such a hollow way of putting it, he thought.

The fact was, Veronica was dead, and he was alive, and he could just as easily have died instead. This fact was the hardest one with which to live, even three years after the fact. It gnawed at him upon waking, and pulled his hair as he fell to sleep every night. It visited him on tour, and picked out his costume for each performance. It whispered to him from the audience, and played around his mind like a melody as catchy as anything Freddie had ever written.

She’s dead, she’s dead; and you’re alive, quite alive.

That is, until last night.

Last night, the immutable fact, which taunted Deacy relentlessly, softened. It hadn’t vanished, might never slip into a splendid quietude, but it had miraculously assuaged itself into a barely perceptible background noise. It had been unexpected, fantastic, and guilt-rendering. It wasn’t only having feelings for someone else that created this crippling guilt, but it was how good it felt to feel something other than a cleverly concealed nothingness. What caused him the most guilt wasn’t you; no, you were a gift. What caused him the most guilt was how good it felt to forget her.

How good it felt to forget her. What a terrible thing to think.

The guilt he could and would learn to deal with, to even escape, and to conquer. Forgetting her, though. He wasn’t so sure he could do that. He didn’t think he wanted to forget her. He wasn’t sure he had a choice; what if he didn’t have a choice? He hadn’t even considered the possibility that he’d just merely forget things about her given enough time. He had photographs, so he’d never forget what she looked like, or the color her eyes. What about things that couldn’t be captured? What about how she kissed? How it felt when she said his name? Or the way she put on her lipstick? The tunes she’d hum to herself--what if he forgot those? What if it just happened and he couldn’t stop it?

What if memories of you replaced his memories of her? This seemed like a preposterous notion. That wasn’t how memories worked. Veronica couldn’t be replaced like batteries in a remote. She couldn’t be thrown away. She would never be unnecessary or expendable. Though, neither were you. You had crashed into his line of sight, by chance, and had changed his entire life. With one glance, he felt it. Roots took hold of him, then, in that moment when he saw you, and they clawed, fighting for a foundation in the desert that his heart had become. You had whipped something up in him, as if suspired by divine breath, you had effortlessly coaxed something in him to awaken, something he thought had been long dead: Desire. Not even a desire for another person, though that had surely happened; rather, it had been a simpler desire altogether. A desire to live. And now that he was awake, he wasn’t sure he could go back to before.

But the guilt.

Well, he had put his heart away once. Leading up to the funeral, Deacy had stayed with Roger. Roger had catered to Deacy’s every demand--at least every demand he could realistically fulfill; his repeated request for him to bring Veronica back, to switch their cars, hadn’t been possible; though if anyone could have found a way, it would have been Roger. His realistic demands had been few, though. Deacy wanted to not move from a sofa, and watch films. Roger had gone to Deacy’s home and brought with him every VHS his friend had asked for with great speed and relief at being given a task to do. Deacy and Veronica had collected a vast film collection. They both loved everything about film. Would debate it for hours, would see everything in the theaters, even the bad ones, just for the sheer joy of experiencing it together. So, when Deacy’s one request had been to watch movies, well that had been easy to manage. Off to the Deacon residence Roger had gone to collect every film on Deacy’s list.

Though, what he had anticipated hadn’t been the bizarre film torture Deacy had insisted he put himself through. He had morbidly called it their “Greatest Hits.” It had started innocently enough with their top 10 favorite films, then gradually turned into their favorite twenty, thirty, fifty films. Deacy was determined to not move from Roger’s ultra modern lime green sofa and big screen TV until he had finished them all. He was dead-set on watching film after film with a rotating cast of his band mates and Jim, while crying silently, mouthing along with the lines in the films they had so cherished. This torture persisted for three days straight before Deacy succumbed to an uneasy sleep, his first sleep since her death, mostly due to pure exhaustion and outright fear.

They’d all take shifts sitting with him, watching films from every genre; it hadn’t mattered what was on, high period romance, crime noir, or precise comedy: he sobbed, more or less, inconsolably. He’d tell stories of her, of them, what they had liked about Taxi Driver; how overrated and inaccurate to real love that Love Story had been; how The Way We Were would always make them cry; how Katharine Hepburn could do no wrong, and how Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall would always be the sexist husband and wife on screen--they’d debate if you could literally watch them falling in love on screen, and how romantic that was to have it captured on film forever; how The Godfather: Part II was superior to The Godfather; she had loved Robert De Niro, and he had loved Al Pacino; or how Sleuth was one of the funniest movies ever made that no one ever talked about.

And as each film had progressed, as each celluloid memory flickered in front of his eyes, he had packed away a portion of his heart. Sealing it away forever behind a wall of layered film strips and light projectors, behind a wall of celebrity and fame. Well, he had certainly successfully put his heart to the side for a hefty chunk of time, so why not also put aside the guilt? Why not the guilt, indeed? Why couldn’t he push aside the guilt for you? Like he had his heart for her? Maybe it could even be like a trade? He could take his heart back, embrace feeling once more, as he had embraced you, in exchange for the self-flagellating guilt. Trading guilt for a heart seemed like a much better deal, especially since it was a guilt so perverse Veronica would never have wanted him to feel it.

Well, the other fact of the matter was he knew you were worth it. You hadn’t known each other for a long time, but he had known love before; he knew what it felt like, sounded like, looked like; you could be that. Sure, it wouldn't be the same as with Veronica, but it shouldn’t be; you were both very different people; he was different now, too. He could never love like he had before, without fear and realism. Love for him now would be pragmatic; not to say it wouldn’t be romantic, because he was a ride or die romantic. However, he would never again believe that love was forever, undying, and could survive anything. Because, the fact of the matter was, it couldn’t.

Deacy pulled the handle, and entered his green Mercedes-Benz. His grey-green eyes flashed in the light before he hid them behind a pair of black aviators. He drove in the direction of his home, tapping out tunes only he could hear on his steering wheel. He had this series of notes stuck in his head; it was a little funky, a little spicy; it was going to be a hard sell. He had the distinct feeling the entire record was going to be a hard sell. Tonight would settle the path for the record once and for all. At least he’d have you there to strengthen his resolve. It helped Freddie was on his side, too.

Although, it wasn’t good there were sides at all. He hated Roger wasn’t on his side. Absolutely detested his hot hotheadedness and his viper sting when he thought you were wrong; it would be nothing short of a battle. He needed armor, then. He need to prepare his own stinger and cutting lines.

Shying away from an actual townhouse (pretentious) and an apartment (too many people and zero privacy) Deacy owned a detached Victorian house in St. John’s Wood. It had a fading yellow brick exterior Deacy greatly treasured; it was happily gated and had a large lawn obscured from view. Six bedrooms, as he and Veronica had wanted children, but hadn’t gotten around to it. He thought about selling the house, but as his grief abated, he knew he couldn’t just get rid of it. It would be like getting rid of his left arm; moving on didn’t need to be literal, usually it was a shifting state of mind more than anything else.

Besides, like the others, they had named their home. As he pulled up, the plaque reading Manderley greeted him. Manderley was the name of house in the film Rebecca, which they had loved. He parked his car, and made his way up the entrance and into his home. He sighed. Sometimes, he had to stop himself from calling her name when he returned home. Today wasn’t one of those days, however; it was a day where he remembered her fondly and without harm.

He started unbuttoning his shirt as he made his way past the first living room (completely shelved in with films) and kitchen (slender and accented in coppers and vibrant teals) and up to the third floor bedroom, his bedroom. He threw his clothes in the hamper, mostly undressed by the time he reached his room. The walls were the darkest blue, like the sky at night, and the ceiling glinted like the pacific ocean. He passed quickly into the master bathroom, bypassing the tub of honey-colored marble, and danced into the glass door shower. Upon finishing, he wrapped a couple large blood red towels around himself and proceed to the kitchen for his first meal of the day. He started some water boiling, threw in some salt.

He went into the first living room, picked out Saturday Night Fever and started that playing. He went back to the kitchen, threw some pasta into the boiling water, and chopped some carrots, sat some peas aside, and began to lightly sear some prosciutto. He sat that to the side, and added some butter to another pan and water and began to cook the vegetables. He readied some heavy whipping cream, garlic butter, and Parmesan. Eventually, given time and enough heat, all was ready; he tossed it together, and made his way to the first living room.

Sitting on the massively proportioned C-shaped sofa, Deacy sank into his meal and Saturday Night Fever. He’d have to pick you up eventually, and he’d have to tell you about Veronica eventually, too, but for now he enjoyed the dancing, the music, and the fever.

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#john deacon x reader #John Deacon #Joe Mazzello #bohemian rhapsody #queen #queen x reader

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pass-the-bechdel · 6 years ago

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Marvel Cinematic Universe: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Six (31.57% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Entertaining, but overrated.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Though Nebula and Gamora trade a couple of lines on a few occasions, they invariably speak about either Thanos, or Ronan.

Female characters:

Meredith Quill.

Bereet.

Nebula.

Gamora.

Carina.

Nova Prime.

Male characters:

Mr Quill.

Peter Quill.

Yondu Udonta.

Ronan.

Korath.

Rocket.

Groot.

The Broker.

Drax.

Thanos.

The Collector.

Denarian Saal.

Denarian Dey.

OTHER NOTES:

Seatbelts on spaceships should really be mandatory.

Aahahahaha Peter has a woman on his ship whose name he can’t remember and whom he forgot was even there! Oh, it’s so funny and charming! What a classic misogynistic cliche intro! Garbage.

Rocket chastises Groot to ‘learn genders’, and I don’t think the irony of a raccoon (a species with almost no visually-evident sexual dimorphism) saying that to a tree-person (whose species - if sexually dimorphic at all - certainly has no reason to adhere to the humanoid/mammalian model) is deliberate. The other alien higher-life-forms they encounter in the film are pretty uniformly human in appearance (not much effort going on in the ‘alien’ department besides just painting people in bright colours), but lack of imagination from the creative team doesn’t mean that the binary gender system we’re accustomed to on Earth has any broad bearing on the galaxy at large.

Aaahh, and now Peter is explaining his scars to Drax, with lovely stories of women he cheated on in the past because he’s ~such a stud~.

Thanos tells Ronan off for his dull political raging and whiny behaviour, but he’s sitting on a shiny floating throne himself, so I’m not sure he’s earned the right to criticise what other people have got going on.

Rocket suggests that Gamora trade sexual favours to get things from other prisoners, because we’re being Like That with this movie.

The Collector keeps female slave ‘assistants’, whom he evidently treats so nicely that Carina commits suicide by infinity stone at the first opportunity in order to escape him. We’re just doing so well for the ladies in this film.

As a great comedic beat, Drax calls Gamora a “green whore”. It’s both a shitty line, and nonsensical, since Drax isn’t supposed to comprehend metaphors and he has no reason to believe Gamora is a literal ‘whore’ (nor is he likely to use such a colloquial term, considering the calibre of his standard vocabulary). Basically, it’s a rubbish line from every angle, and all in service of a misogynistic joke.

This film is a terrible waste of Djimon Hounsou.

Ronan is very theatrically over-the-top in his pronouncements, but Lee Pace does his damnedest to make it work on delivery.

Why does Ronan’s flashy purple infinity stone weapon not kill people when he shoots them with its energy blast? Obviously it would be terribly inconvenient to the story if he just casually killed all the good guys, but honestly. It doesn’t make much sense. They coulda at least pretended there was a reason.

The part of me that is susceptible to acts of heroism is affected by the guardians all joining hands to share the stone’s power. Not enough to feel that the film or the character relationships actually connected on an emotional level, but enough that this ending doesn’t feel totally unearned.

Drax patting Rocket’s head while he’s crying over Groot is a lovely touch. THAT is the strongest character interaction of the film.

So. I’ll be honest: I don’t like this movie. I don’t think it works. I think it’s essentially just a string of gimmicks, loosely attached, entertaining enough on the surface but with no meaningful depth to hold in the mind or keep the audience engaged once the credits kick in (it’s also much heavier on the sexist tropes than any other MCU film previous). I don’t hate it, but it doesn’t give me anything that I value in a viewing experience, it just happens and then ends and that’s it. And the reason it doesn’t work is, frankly, the writing is lazy as shit. It makes a sub-par effort at establishing character and thus relies heavily on cliches, it rarely bothers to incorporate relevant plot and motivations and such into the story at early points in order to generate narrative pay-off, and the world-building is hazy at best and, like the characterisation, trades predominantly on expectation of stereotypes rather than actually creating anything original.

Let’s start in the obvious place: with our lead character. I’m tempted to just say ‘Peter Quill is garbage’ and then move on, because it’s true and also, he’s just not complex or interesting at all, which is ridiculous because he’s got that whole ‘alien abduction’ origin story and there should be like, literally any layers at all to his story instead of him just being an obnoxious Lothario who makes pop culture references like that counts as having a personality. But, here we are. I’m not familiar with the comics so I don’t know if this is a common complaint from fans who can’t believe their boy got all his nuances deleted in favour of such an inane cliche, but if this is exactly what Quill is like in the comics too? That’s no excuse. Part of the magic of adaptation is the opportunity to improve upon things the source material did wrongly or badly. The Quill we’ve got here in this movie is such a bland template he’s almost functionally useless; he barely impacts the story at all, especially in any way that is relevant to his personality or skills and necessitates his presence (the dance-off distraction is the only good Quill moment, and it’s also one of the few inspired choices in the whole film). At the end of the day, Quill exists so that the story has a Main Guy, being a straight white American male (and making sure we all, excessively, know about it), because God forbid we be expected to identify with anyone else. I have heard people sing the praises of the film for ‘subverting cliche’ by not having Quill and Gamora actively hook up by the end, as if that somehow makes it better that every single other aspect of that tedious forced romance plot is still squarely in place and set to play out in future films (pro tip: if the main guy still ‘gets the girl’, only it doesn’t happen in the first film, that’s not subversive. That’s still playing the trope dead-straight). Quill not immediately being shown to be rewarded with sex is not some incredible feat of original storytelling, and it certainly doesn’t absolve him of being a dime-a-dozen pig of a character. If that’s the most ‘unexpected’ character element you can cite, you’re in dire straits.

Now, I’m not gonna talk about every character individually, because in most cases there’s not much to talk about; Drax is the big warrior guy with the Fridged Family backstory we’ve seen so many times before it elicits zero (0) emotions now; Groot - though an interesting idea on paper - is basically just a Deus Ex Machina of whatever ability is most useful at any given moment, too ill-defined to have boundaries to his powers and conveniently not using his full potential whenever it would allow the characters to win too easily; and Rocket, well, Rocket is actually the only one of the leads who manages any meaningful nuance, which is unfortunate because most of the time he’s just used for sarcastic comic relief. The other character I am going to talk about is Gamora, and it’s because she’s a prime example of how this movie fails to establish things so that they feel like they actually matter or the character’s motivations are understandable, etc. We are introduced to Gamora when she overrides Ronan’s order for Nebula to retrieve the orb from Xandar; as it turns out, Gamora’s introductory moment (literally the first time we see her or hear her speak) is also her act of rebellion when she puts into action her plan to escape Thanos’ clutches and go her own way. The problem, obviously, is this is her introduction. We’ve never seen this character before, we’ve only just met Ronan and Nebula as well, Thanos is barely more than a concept, as is the planet Xandar and the politics around it. Nothing has been established yet about the life that Gamora occupies, so her ploy to escape it? Meaningless. We don’t even find out that Gamora was not planning to retrieve the orb for Ronan until she tells us so after she’s been arrested, and we have literally no reason to believe her because we don’t know her yet because her character has not been established at all. The traditional way to do this would be to show her in her old life, doing as she’s told and/or witnessing terrible things being done by her compatriots, and showing the audience that she has clear misgivings so that when she turns, we understand the context and can believe that’s a logical character decision based on established personality and morals (think of Finn’s introduction in The Force Awakens for a textbook example). Because no time or effort is ever invested in establishing who or how Gamora is, everything we know is delivered to us directly in dialogue, all tell, no show, and what could easily have been the film’s most dynamic character is instead hampered by having her development choked off to avoid spending time on letting her origins matter (despite the fact that those origins are essential to the plot).

On which note, lets talk bad guys. Thanos first, because there’s not much to say, and that’s not a good thing: Thanos is actually pointless to this film, the only reason he’s there is so that the MCU can use him to actual purpose in later films and his relation to Gamora and Nebula and the hunt for the Infinity Stones needs to be established first, but as with everything else this movie is terrible at establishing things effectively. Consequently, Thanos...just floats around on a chair, and then Ronan tells him to piss off and we don’t see or hear from him again in the rest of the film, and there’s no real effort made to integrate Thanos into the story so that he seems like anything other than a dead-end subplot cluttering up the movie for no reason. The closest Thanos gets to anything notable is when he chides Ronan for his boring politics, but even that is symptomatic of the wider problem with this movie’s lazy writing: Ronan’s whole character is essentially just another dull archetype - in this case, the extremist villain - and a solid nothing at all is done to establish his politics or what they mean, other than death for the people we’re told are the innocents. This is a problem with the world-building of the film as a whole, because none of the galaxy’s politics is fleshed out, there’s no context to why the Kree have a problem with Xandar or why we should care, and Xandar kinda gets treated like the centre of the universe but it also seems that’s just for convenience sake so that the plot can return to a previous location for the final act. Hell, I haven’t the faintest fucking idea where Earth is supposed to fit in to all of this, other characters talk about it so it’s clearly a known quantity to the rest of the galaxy, and yet no one knows any details about it and Quill never bothered to go back there for reasons which really SHOULD be explored and yet are not even mentioned (that would seem like some of that characterisation he doesn’t have), so I don’t know what we’re supposed to interpret from that. I’m not confident that the creative powers bothered to think about it, considering how much they didn’t think about anything else. This is a movie where ‘human, but painted’ passes for ‘alien’ and society apparently functions exactly like Earth, tedious misogyny and all, despite the absence of cultural sharing to explain the Earthlike similarities (and boy oh boy do I HATE the laziness of science fiction where everything being identical to Western culture on Earth is treated like it’s ‘just the natural order’ that should be expected to develop in any sentient species, instead of a complex system shaped by unique and varied influences over thousands of years and dependent upon environment, religion, philosophy, and a myriad of other factors not replicated in these poorly-drawn ‘alien’ cultures. I get that you’ve gotta employ at least some shorthand in order to get on and tell your story within time constraints, but come on. If you’re not gonna think about world-building at all, don’t set the story on an alien planet). Above all else, we know that Ronan is the villain because he’s painted (literally) as one; he’s the bad guy through visually-indicated othering, because we all know good guys don’t look like that (whereas most of Ronan’s enemies on Xandar are just regular-looking white folks. Curious...). Sure, Ronan is also introduced spouting rhetoric and then smashing a dude with a hammer, and that seems like villain behaviour, but that only reinforces the point: Ronan’s role is made unmistakable through age-old tropes, and it’s never explored or subverted or made dynamic from there. Like Quill as the ‘hero’, Ronan is a dime-a-dozen cliche.

So anyway. Lets talk plot. This one goes like so: Quill collects the orb from Morag, where he coincidentally runs into Korath and company who just-so-happen to be after the orb at the same time (how it is that multiple interested parties only just found out that one of the most powerful destructive forces in the universe is just chillin’ on this abandoned planet, they don’t bother to explain). Quill runs into both Gamora, and Rocket and Groot, the other parties happening to be after him for different reasons and coincidentally converging on Xandar at the same point. Everyone gets arrested and sent to prison, where they meet Drax and promptly escape and fly to Knowhere so that The Collector can exposition-dump about Infinity Stones. Drax calls Ronan up, just literally straight-up calls the bad guy to come and find them because I guess figuring out a normal plot reason for the villain to catch up with the good guys was too hard, so we had to go for extreme stupidity instead. Ronan gets the orb and goes back to Xandar to destroy it, and our main characters figure they should stop that, so they do. Roll credits. Now, you can make pretty much any story sound basic and stupid by breaking it down into its component pieces, but the important thing to note about this layout is how many convenient or just plain stupid aspects there are. There are almost no character meetings or story developments that come about logically through the sensible development of plot driven by character’s motivations springing from established narrative, etc, and part of that problem is absolutely because there’s so little established character/world-building to begin with, but it’s also because whatever there is tends to apparate when it is needed without any sign of existing beforehand; that is, very little of the story is seeded early on so that it can come to fruition later in a narratively satisfying fashion. The Nova Corps sentence the characters to the Kyln prison as if it’s a big scary concept, but we’ve never heard of it before so we have no reason to consider it trouble. Drax appears and other characters literally tell us why we should pay attention to him, instead of him being, say, pre-established (SUCH AS by having his family tragedy shown on screen as a dual-establishing event for him and Ronan, or something to which Gamora was privy in some way in order to intro her misgivings as discussed above, or even just having someone reference the legend of Drax the Destroyer BEFORE getting to the Kyln (you could also, y’know, establish the Kyln itself in talking about how Drax was sent there. Just saying)). Intro the idea of Knowhere and/or The Collector BEFORE heading there so that it’s less convenient for Gamora to just-happen to have a buyer already set up for the item we didn’t even know she had planned to steal as part of the escape plot we didn’t know she was hatching. For the love of everything, establish some actual REASON for Ronan to follow our characters to Knowhere, instead of just ‘Drax got drunk and called him’. Link the pieces of your story together with concepts and developments that build upon each other in a narrative progression. That’s the difference between having a plot, and having a string of chronological set pieces (some of which - like Morag and the Kyln - don’t even have a purpose anyway beyond providing some action-scene opportunities).

Before I close this out, I just want to run through a little exercise to demonstrate something that you never, ever want to happen in a story. You never want to have a lead character who can be deleted from the plot without leaving a hole too big to be easily filled by the rest of the cast. But what happens if Peter Quill is removed from this story? Well, pretty much all of the misogyny disappears, so that’s a plus. Someone else is gonna have to retrieve the orb from Morag, but we could easily send Rocket and Groot to do that. Gamora can still fight with them on Xandar exactly as it happens in the actual movie, only this time it’s not just pure coincidence that they conflict. We saved vital time that the film spent on Quill’s inconsequential childhood abduction (and we could save more on trimming the pointless action on Morag), which is time that could be better spent on all that other establishing crap I was talking about earlier, tightening up the narrative. Quill doesn’t serve any important purpose in the Kyln, so we can remove him from that no problem, nor does he matter on Knowhere other than a frankly stupid and ultimately pointless moment when he saves Gamora (definitely unnecessary when we’re removing the romantic subplot bullshit along with Quill). And then what? The characters agree that not letting Ronan destroy the galaxy is probably a good call (not Quill-relevant), they head back to Xandar, fight some bad guys, hold hands, win the day. We lose Quill’s only good moment in the form of the dance-off, but it’s an acceptable loss in order to strengthen the entire rest of the film by deleting the most meaningless character: the lead. We also arguably lose the Ravagers in the process, but as much fun as Yondu is, the plot can also survive completely intact without him (the only time the Ravagers matter is for the previously-identified useless damsel contrivance with Quill saving Gamora, and then they do help out on Xandar in the end, but they aren’t necessary for that - the Nova Corps could have been expanded just a smidge and taken care of everything). On the other hand, if you remove Gamora, you lose the connection to Ronan/Thanos as well as the moral compass of the Guardians; some other character would have to be significantly altered to fill the gap. You lose major Deus Ex Machina skills without Groot, and without Rocket someone else’s narrative has to change in order for Groot to have a buddy (plus you need a new mastermind for various plans, though that’s an easier hole to fill). You skip Drax and you do lose a major plot development in the form of him drunk-dialling Ronan, but admittedly that’s one of the worst things in this whole dumb waste of a movie, so maybe it’s not such a loss. You could ditch Drax. But, that’s not important, because Drax isn’t packaged as the leading man: Quill is. If you delete Drax, you don’t really streamline or improve the story (you could fix the one big flaw in his character very easily, he doesn’t have to disappear for that). You delete Quill...I know, comic book adaptation, dropping the main character is not considered an acceptable alteration when you’re improving the story for the screen. But come on. The least they could do is make him actually matter, not just be a perfunctory inclusion for the sake of sticking this ‘weird sci-fi’ as firmly in the centre of over-done cliche as a lazy gimmick story ever could be. There are a few chuckles to be had with this film, and it’s not entirely boring, but it’s not half as endearing nor even an eighth as inspired as it thinks it is. I’m not impressed by any of it.

#Guardians of the Galaxy #Bechdel Test #female representation #Marvel Cinematic Universe #MCU

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whitewolfofwinterfell · 6 years ago

Text

Thoughts from my recent LOST re-watch

There is absolutely no coherence to this, so please forgive me. It’s just a very long list of all of the random thoughts I’ve had throughout my re-watch of LOST about my opinions on characters, ships, plot lines etc. and how they’ve changed or stayed the same. Feel free to send me an ask if you want me to expand on any of these points.

Season 1 is perfection. Literal perfection. I can’t find a single criticism for it. The mystery, the suspense, the anticipation, the characterisation, the plot, the build-up. Just everything. It doesn’t matter how many times I watch it, it’s still so impactful and the pilot is one of the best pilots of any show I’ve ever seen

It’s still so funny that all of the characters so happen to have the perfect combination of skills to survive - Jack the Doctor, Locke the Hunter, Sayid the Soldier and Kate the Tracker

I always knew it anyway, but the Jack/Kate/Sawyer triangle really is awful. And the fact that they (attempted) to bring Ana Lucia into it and then actually did bring Juliet in to make it a love square is even worse.

Jack and Juliet actually kind of make sense as a romantic pairing and have good chemistry (but Suliet still rule all)

Kate is the worst character on the show. I’m sorry, I’ve tried to like her but I never have. She doesn’t undergo any development until around the time she gets Aaron in season 5 - she kills her father in cold blood and justifies it by saying he was a violent drunk (hello, there’s nothing that can justify murder with maybe the exception of self defence), she then goes on the run where she constantly lies, schemes and manipulates to get what she wants, which ultimately leads to her best friend getting killed in the crossfire. From the second she lands on the island she consistently plays Sawyer and Jack off one another by taking advantage of their feelings for her without any consideration to how that impacts them

John Locke is an asshole a majority of the time and I really don’t like him (this doesn’t include pre-island and flash-sideways John, who’s a sweetheart)

Charlie Pace is also an asshole and I don’t know how I didn’t see this sooner

I’ll never be over Boone’s death or the fact that he died for nothing because of Locke

Walt getting taken from the raft is still one of the most shocking and haunting moments of the series

Hugo Reyes is the definition of cinnamon roll, I love him with every fibre of my being and LOST wouldn’t be what is is without him

Kate treats Sawyer like shit from the beginning and he deserves so much better. I’m not gonna lie, I still don’t understand how or why Sawyer falls in love with her

Also what is that bullshit with them having sex in the cage? I know it’s supposed to be this hot-we-could-die-at-any-moment raw sex but it just comes across as very weird?? Even if they don’t know there’s cameras on them, they’re outside in the open where anybody could see them at any time

Shannon is a very misunderstood character who deserved better. So. much. better.

I still hate Ben, but he’s one of the best written villains in television I’ve ever seen

Charlie/Claire is the worst romance in the world. They have no chemistry, Charlie develops an obsession with her and practically stalks her, forces her to do what he wants her to do, constantly tries to take over with Aaron despite having absolutely no right to. There is just nothing even remotely redeeming about this ship and I still don’t get it

Locke’s musical theme makes me cry every single time

And following on from that, as much as I dislike Locke, his flashbacks always make me cry. “Don’t tell me what I can’t do, ever!”, when he gets in the wheelchair in the hospital after his father has pushed him out of the window and when he cries in the car after his father tells him he’s not wanted. It’s heartbreaking

I still can’t get over all the amazing character connections - Charlie saving Nadia, Sayid meeting Kate’s father and Kelvin during the war, Jack meeting Desmond before the island, Christian being Claire’s father, Christian and Ana Lucia going to Australia together, Sawyer meeting Christian in the bar etc. - it’s all so beautifully done in a way that feels authentic and links the characters (even the ones with more superficial ties) together so well

Michael is not a bad person and is unfairly hated. He’s just a father that did what any parent would do to keep their child safe

Hurley and Libby are sweet but severely underdeveloped

I actually really dig the episode about Paulo and Nikki

Eko has such a touching and emotional arc, which although short, is very well rounded

The Other 48 Days is still one of the most chilling episodes of the series

It’s sad that the Tailies were all killed off so prematurely, I feel like they all had potential to be more

Jin’s development is so unappreciated. He’s probably the character that goes through the most amount of growth from the pilot to the finale

I know I should feel sorry for Claire (and part of me does), but I still find her too annoying to feel anything but dislike for her

Desmond and Penny’s love story is freakin’ beautiful and nothing can compare

Also how cute are Rose and Bernard? I’ve come to appreciate their relationship so much. They’re literally just two people who love each other in the purest way and want to be together. It’s so beautiful

Sayid is one of the best characters on the show and my love for him has been reaffirmed

I understand the appeal of Sayid and Shannon but Nadia was Sayid’s soul mate and no one can tell me otherwise

Jack is probably the most unstable character on the show but it’s never acknowledged

Am I the only one that notices that Charlie flat-out lies about not being able to swim? In season 1 when Joanna is drowning Charlie tells Jack he can’t go in to help her because he can’t swim, but he consistently dreams about swimming to save Aaron, Desmond has a vision of him saving Claire from drowning and in season 2 he flat out tells everyone he’s swimming junior champion and swims down to the Looking Glass. Is this Charlie being a liar or simply a fault of the writers, I wonder?

The episode where Sawyer, Jin and Hurley fix up the Dharma car still makes me so happy

Sun and Jin’s relationship is one of the best developed fictional ships I’ve ever seen. It’s so rare that we actually get to see a married couple who are on the verge of breaking up actually love each other enough to work their asses off to make it work and end up being happier and more in love with each other more than ever before

The Others are still absolutely terrifying in seasons 1 and 2 before we find out who they are

Charlie and Hurley’s friendship is overrated

Adding to that some underrated dynamics are - Sayid and Desmond (in The Constant Sayid blindly does everything in his power to help Desmond despite not understanding what the hell is going on with him), Kate and Sayid, Hurley and Sayid, Michael, Sawyer and Jin, Shannon and Walt, Boone and Shannon, Eko and Ana.

Jack is by far the most flawed protagonist I’ve seen in any show

I’m intrigued to know what direction Ana Lucia’s character would’ve gone in if she’d survived

The musical themes are still the best of any show I’ve ever seen. I love that each character has their own theme which perfectly encapsulates them

The way that everyone just forgets about Claire after she goes missing and don’t even attempt to find her is so bad. Particularly when you consider the fact that whenever anyone else has gone missing or were kidnapped - Jack, Kate, Michael, Hurley - they’ve gone on a rescue mission immediately

I’ve always been indifferent to Sun but I realise now that I don’t like her. She’s very hard to connect with and in the last seasons she becomes completely irrelevant and has no personality what-so-ever

Jack reacts so coldly to finding out that Claire is his sister. Like he finds out, he’s shocked, has tears in his eyes but nothing changes in how he behaves and thinks about Claire and Aaron, which makes no sense (but I’m glad we got to see this explored in the Flash Sideways)

Danielle and Alex Rousseau deserved better. So much better

All these people that accuse the show of having an abundance of plot-holes just aren’t paying attention or want everything to be spoon fed to them. There’s actually only about 1 or 2 inconsistencies big enough to be considered a plot-hole (the main one being that Danielle actually sees Ben face-to-face when he kidnaps Alex, but later on doesn’t recognise him when she captures him in a net) and everything is tied together perfectly

I didn’t realise before but season 5 is actually a pretty bad season. The most redeeming aspect is Suliet

Did anyone else notice that Naveen’s (Sayid) accent regresses into his own English accent in season 5 and 6?

I actually hate the entire concept of Jacob and the MIB and what was done with them

Jack really does become Locke in seasons 5 and 6

Following on from that, I really can’t blame Sawyer for wanting to murder Jack in season 5/6. He saunters back onto the island like he’s King of the Island thinking he’s some hero who’s going to save everyone he left behind whilst also fixing himself without any consideration to the repercussions. He completely destroys the life Sawyer and Juliet have spent 3 damn years building which results in a lot of people dying, including Juliet and he doesn’t even really seem that aware of how badly he’s fucked up

We were robbed of a Frank Lapidus centric episode and flashbacks. Robbed, I tell you

I love Jack and Kate as a ship, but when they get back to the island in season 5 they’re very OOC (which is a writing problem imo). Kate wanders off and leaves Jack behind all the time and they don’t really stick together which is just not like Jack and Kate at all. No matter what they always stick together

Sawyer’s character development is amazing. I love him so much

The Temple is dumb. The concept of it, the people we’re introduced to - everything. It should’ve just been scrapped

I also don’t understand what the hell happens to Sayid when he’s drowned in The Temple???? It’s so random and inconsistent, it makes no sense

I still love the concept of the Flash Sideways and don’t understand how people can hate on it or claim it doesn’t matter. It’s so important in so many ways

But I still don’t quite understand why Jack and Juliet have a son in the Flash Sideways? I understand why Jack has a son, because it makes sense for him to work out his ‘daddy issues’, but I don’t understand why Juliet is the mother and what the significance is of that

We really should’ve got more Desmond centric episodes

The Constant is still one of the best episodes of television ever made

The older I get the more I understand and appreciate the religious and theological meanings of the show

I still don’t understand how or why Hurley starts being able to see ghosts. Like that ability just comes out of no where with little to no explanation

It also gets very confusing trying to distinguish between literal ghosts and when the MIB has taken on a dead person’s form

I understand now that one of the many reasons LOST speaks to me on a personal level, and always has, is that I too have felt lost (both metaphorically and literally) throughout my life and I’m able to connect to every character on that basis regardless of whether I like them or not

The characterisation on this show is still second to none. The way each character has distinct lives that are fully fleshed out by flashbacks and that we get to understand every intimate detail about them - the worst thing they’ve ever done, their happiest moment, their greatest fear, the person they love most - I’m yet to find another show that writes its characters in such a complex and fulfilling way

I will always love the show and stand by it being one of the best shows ever, but as the seasons progress it does decline in quality, especially seasons 5 and 6

The finale is still perfect though. I cry like a baby every single time - the church, the way Jack cries in his dad’s arms, it’s just too much

#lost #lost meta #mine #my meta #no one will read this but i wanted to just get all my thoughts/feelings down as i was watching #cos everytime i do a rewatch i see different things or my opinions/feelings change about certain characters/ships/plots etc #text post

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disableddisaster · 7 years ago

Note

all of them :O

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?

asdjfsdkf a CRUSH oh boy

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?

fuck idk

3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?

8 months or somethin like that!

4: Have you ever changed for someone?

yea it was dumb and i #Ragrat

5: How is your relationship with your ex?

im not rly super close friends with any of them but we are on friendly terms i think :-)

6: Have you ever been cheated on?

....... cant confirm but im pretty damn sure lol

7: Have you ever cheated?

8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?

why....... wld u do that.......

9: What's the most important part of a relationship?

i dont rly think theres just one most important thing like balance is v important lol

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

serious relationships adgasf

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?

i mean ive never but if it works for someone !! why not

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

2 ppl

13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

i regret letting it go on for so long that was big stupid!!!!!!!

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

idk lol kids?? shldnt be having sex asdfasdf

15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?

16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?

not rly lol

17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?

yeah i cant see why not!

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?

if u dont like cats u cant date me like u literally cannot that is unacceptable

19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?

u can feel it yk like theres no defining moment i dont think

20: Are you currently in a relationship?

yea!

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

ofc!!

22: Do you think people should date their friends?

yeah its nice to rly know a person before romantic involvement but obv its not a requirement or anything asdfdsf

23: How many relationships have you had?

24: Do you think love can last forever?

i hope so!!!!!!

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

no lol !!!!! what does that even mean!

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?

probably,,.... not but maybe

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

stop being a stupid dumbass ur 15 go outside

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?

yeah!!!!!!

29: What do you notice first about another person?

usually their height asdfasd im v aware of how much taller ppl are than me cuz im so small :(

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

im a lesbian u fool, u imbecile

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?

sdfadsf this is bad like are u saying would it bother u that they are hurting or like do u think they are crazy lol like no matter how u look this question is dumb

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

not a romantic one lol

33: Do you want to get married one day?

YEAAAAAa god

34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?

,,,, bad idea

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?

idk if i could tbh like obviously it depends on the situation but uhh maybe

36: Are you still a virgin?

37: What's more important: Looks or personality?

personality wtf

38: Do you enjoy love films?

twilight new moon eclipse breaking dawn part one breaking dawn part two end of list

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?

not roses but ive gotten flowers!!

40: Have you ever had a valentine?

no lmao :(

41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?

im rly not picky but surprise dates are fun the other week i went glow in the dark mini golfing!!!!!!!

42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?

if u went to hs u read that play

43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?

u shouldnt put either on a pedestal asdgasdg romantic relationships are not inherently more important OR vice versa

44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?

im bad at romance but i love it :(

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?

no asdfadsf everyone wants me to date u tho

46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?

FSJDSFJDS is this 2010

47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?

me x u

48: What's your favorite love song?

asdfadf the louvre - lorde

49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?

i think so but fortunately i dont care!!!!!

50: If you're single, why do you think you are?

n/a

51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?

a nice GUY adfasd f id never date a man!!!!!!!!! fake q!!!!!!\

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

no never listen to me o my god

53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?

not rly

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?

not at all lol its more important to know where u stand w the person ur dating!! ojutward appearance is less important

55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?

nahhh

56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?

dont think so???

57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?

thats called mental illness its not silly its important to treat!!!!!!

58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?

asdfafgsfg shut UP

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?

i have a very bad memory bc fibro let me live :(

60: What's your opinion on open relationships?

do what u want bro just communicate!

61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?

it rly depends on the relationship u have with ur family lol but again like dont put certain relationships on a pedestal

62: How do you define "cheating"?

romantic or sexual involvement w another person ???????? idk

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?

depends on ur relationship i think - one of those things that u need to communicate abt

64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?

nooo all iwant in life is a valentine :(

65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?

YEA FUCK YEA

#asdfadsfasdfasdf #gaysun

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eichy815 · 6 years ago

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A Plus-Sized Problem

Originally Published on November 26, 2014 on Eichy Says

Body image is, without a doubt, one of the greatest stressors in modern American culture. Whether it’s film, television, print/magazines – or even daily life – we seem to be inundated with imagery of highly desirable (or “ideal”) bodies.

It’s only in recent years that people advocating female equality (and male equality!) have begun to challenge these conventions.

A Twitter explosion began to resonate on Nov. 9, after model Myla Dalbesio gave an interview with Elle magazine where she discussed her participation in the Calvin Klein clothing line’s “Perfectly Fit” campaign. Dalbesio’s print ads depict her modeling lingerie at a Size 10 – perfectly normal, for an American female.

However, in recent weeks, Calvin Klein has come under fire for portraying Dalbesio – and female models of similar physiques – as supposedly “plus size.”

The one overlooked variable in this controversy: Calvin Klein never defined a Size 10 as “plus size” in its marketing campaign, to begin with!

Instead, that definition has been cultivated by other mainstream fashion outlets. Both Cosmopolitan and PLUS Model seem to concur that clothing industry gurus nowadays consider anything ranging from a Size 6 to a Size 14 to be considered “plus size.”

Presumptuous? Ridiculous? Petty? Delusional?

Yep...all of the above.

In her interview with Elle, Dalbesio praised her experience doing the photo shoot, from the perspective of someone who falls somewhere between “skinny” and “overweight.” As she stated:

It’s kind of confusing because I’m a bigger girl. I’m not the biggest girl on the market but I’m definitely bigger than all the girls [Calvin Klein] has ever worked with, so that is really intimidating. [But, at the photo shoot] No one even batted an eye. It was very cool.

Representatives from Calvin Klein clarified that the campaign was meant to be “more inclusive” in that, historically, they’ve only featured models well under a Size 10. As Dalbesio further explains:

I’m not skinny enough to be with the skinny girls and I’m not large enough to be with the large girls and I haven’t been able to find my place. This [campaign] was such a great feeling.

I’ve always viewed Calvin Klein as an overrated and overly-pretentious brand. But, in this case, rather than bashing Calvin Klein’s alleged-but-nonexistent sexism, proponents of equality and diversity should be applauding the company’s efforts – however limited and small in scope.

As decades pass by, we’ve been increasingly pelted with the suggestion that body fat is categorically bad. Witness all of the products marketed to women that are intended to “hide” or “camouflage” one’s girth. Spanx, traditional girdles, the Genie Bra, and other assorted shapewear (including – but not limited to – bodysuits, waist-cinchers, slips, and thigh-shapers). This isn’t even taking into account liposuction or diet pills.

Aside from that, there is an onslaught of emphasis on “weight” rather than overall health.

I’ll never forget the 1990 episode of Full House, where D.J. (Candace Cameron Bure) goes on a crash diet in a desperate attempt to get thin for Kimmy Gibbler’s pool party. Although the adolescent D.J. was extremely distraught about her outward appearance, she also measured her crash-dieting “progress” based on how much she weighed when stepping onto the scale.

Similarly, former child star (turned Jenny Craig spokeswoman and Hot in Cleveland co-lead) Valerie Bertinelli – who underwent her own remarkable (and public!) weight loss transformation in the latter half of last decade – documented her travails with body image in her two best-selling autobiographies, Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time and Finding It: And Satisfying My Hunger for Life without Opening the Fridge. Both are FANTASTIC reads, by the way! (for those of you who haven’t finished your Christmas shopping yet...)

Although I greatly admire Bertinelli’s personal accomplishments (as well as her sharp and lovably self-deprecating sense of humor throughout), I do feel that she placed way too much emphasis on the numerical measurement of the amount at which she would weigh in, day-to-day. If that’s what worked for her (in terms a barometer for measuring her progress), I understand that – but people in general shouldn’t be pressured to hold themselves hostage to an impersonal number displayed upon one’s bathroom scale. And, as Bertinelli exhibits in her personal accounts, when that number didn’t drop low enough for her liking, it would drive her crazy!

That’s one of the reasons I never weigh myself. Psychologically, if I see a number that’s higher than I would like it to be, I’ll be inclined to just eat more – and, most likely, eat stuff that’s less healthy and has inferior nutritional value.

As far as my personal body image goals, I typically hover between a (waist) Size 36 or Size 38. This is a huge improvement for me compared to when I was in college, where I tended to oscillate between a 40 and 42.

Yes, ideally, I wish I was already a Size 32 or 34. Upon decreasing my BMI by two or three points, I should ultimately reach what is considered “normal weight.” The whole dubiousness of the present-day BMI index is a separate article for another day – but given how its only four categories are “underweight,” “normal weight,” “overweight,” and “obesity,” even conventional BMI measurements tend to be overly-simplistic.

Body image is becoming an increasingly touchy subject for males, as well – it just isn’t as talked-about (or exploited as blatantly) in the public sphere as it is for females. In the same way that women have various physical goals for themselves, individual men desire a gamut of body types ranging from “muscular” to “ripped” to “athletic” to “lean” to “skinny.”

The rise of glorified, male-centric print ads – depicting buff, studly dudes at the gym, swimming pools, water parks, or just generally shirtless – only speaks to this trend. And, just like exploited young girls (sometimes when they are still minors), boys are becoming younger and younger when included in these skin-showing ads.

Some feminists (or misandrists) cackle about how it’s “long overdue” for men to feel the pressures and insecurities that women have been feeling for decades (even centuries!) of exploitation.

I take the opposite view: that it’s “long overdue” for our appreciation of a diversity of bodies (female and male, alike!) to be embraced across the spectrum. A tall order, for sure – but not unworthy of gradual attempts.

One of my own goals, before I finally reach middle age, is to find myself in circumstances where I must be naked in public (or 99% naked, perhaps)...because I believe it would help to impel a greater sense of self-confidence in me, as well as contribute to getting over my body image issues and my hesitance about public nudity (and the locker room at the gym doesn’t count, because that’s a semi-private and enclosed sanctuary).

One of my favorite literary (and on-screen) depictions of a kindly soul who eschews traditional standards of “beauty” was from the 2001 TV movie Isabelle & Amy (an adaptation of Elizabeth Strout’s novel of the same name). The blue-collar character of Fat Bev (portrayed boisterously by character actress Conchata Ferrell – best known as Berta from Two and A Half Men) was an overweight extrovert who encouraged her female friends (coworkers at a mill in Maine) not to be shy about indulging in delicious, high-calorie food during special occasions.

Yet, even amid her confident bravada, Fat Bev certainly must have wrestled with her own body image issues, as a character, at some point during her life.

So here are some rules-of-thumb that we all should constantly strive to live by...and that includes myself.

In general, comparing yourself to others makes your goals unattainable. There’s a difference between, “Wow, you have great abs – will you share some of your nutritional habits and workout tips with me?”...

...versus, “My good buddy Skylar has a rockin’ bod...I wish I could look exactly like him/her, so I’m going to starve myself and work myself to death in the gym so I can make that happen!”

Keep in mind that so many of these models whom we see on magazine covers (or “hot” actors/actresses in TV and film) are often airbrushed and covered with makeup (Dermablend, anyone?). They have stretch marks, scars, and areas of flab on their bodies...the stylists in those studios just make sure we never see those “imperfections.”

And yes, most of them tend to stay in great shape (who wouldn’t, when they can afford personal trainers and high-end cuisine with the money they earn?) – but it’s far less stressful for us, as individuals, if we seek out practical ways to emulate their success within the context of our own lives. Otherwise, we end up like D.J. Tanner – working ourselves on the treadmill like superhuman Energizer Bunnies until we literally faint!

Think about this: are you really turned off by your true friends if they happen to have more body fat or scarring than you yourself happen to? Are you less inclined to go out and have fun with buddies just because their BMI might happen to be higher than yours?

If your answer is yes – you’re probably a shallow person whose friendship simply isn’t worth it.

When associating with others – be they friends, acquaintances, coworkers, business contacts, or family members – one’s emphasis should become substance over looks.

The same applies, to a different extent, when you’re looking for romance. Obviously, any of us want to be physically attracted to our romantic partner. But I’d also rather be with someone who has a brain and a good heart – which is likelier to remain strong, even as our looks fade with age.

When I’m around other guys who are more “average” or “overweight” in their physiques, it actually makes me feel like less of a leper – often because I can relate to them better than I can to someone who has a seemingly “perfect” body.

None of this is to say we shouldn’t combat obesity or promote healthy eating. But, at the same time, “real people” (rather than the socially-privileged...or “genetically-blessed”) should operate under realistic goals of steady progress.

The average waist size for American men is currently in the range of 38 to 40. The average American woman is a Size 12 or 14. For a majority of Americans, our weight may fluctuate throughout the year based on a variety of factors: lack of exercise, relying upon food-on-the-go, sedentary habits around the house, cortisol arising from stress, and income disparity. Not everyone can afford protein shakes, a personal trainer, fresh/organic produce, or nannies and personal assistants to help manage our time.

However, we shouldn’t let this impede our social lives or support systems (amongst buddies, coworkers, and “friendquaintances”). If I lose a bet and have to go streaking, you should make fun of me because I’m being forced to humbly swallow my pride and shed my dignity (which is fun, particularly for the spectators)...NOT because I (along with 70%-75% of other American men out there) happen to be X-pounds heavier than Channing Tatum.

Yes, I’ve got a bigger ass than Michael Socha...but if I have to bare it (whether in a game of strip poker or as a supporting actor in someone’s student film), then you should either point and laugh at how I’m doing something hilarious...or applaud me for having the balls (even if I’m covering them with my hands) to do something that even many glamorous A-list celebrities are too modest to do themselves (i.e. Joey Tribbiani-style “butt-doubles”).

Maybe it’s different for me, because I’m a gay dude – but I find it really heartbreaking that our pop culture has become so judgmental and superficial that American females can’t find similar enjoyment in the possibility of feeling open and liberated with their bodies.

Finally, that brings me to my last little bit of advice. We should all be vigilant about balancing lightheartedness with sensitivity toward the insecurities of others.

Remember that a BMI is not always accurate or realistic – and not all waist sizes or chest sizes are created equal. Meaning, if your BMI is “off” by one or two digits, it shouldn’t necessarily be considered a problem.

Why do we have so many young girls (and a rising number of young boys) becoming anorexic as they attempt to starve themselves? Along with the onslaught of idealized body imagery in mass media, a lot of the self-consciousness comes from being judged by complete strangers – we those whom we may encounter on the street.

There is no need for a person to make cracks about the weight of a fellow shopper in their local department store. Or for checkers at the grocery store to make small-minded comments about their customers’ shopping habits.

Even when someone says “You look good” as a result of the person’s visible weight loss – while I realize that’s usually intended to be a compliment, it may actually cause the recipient to be more self-conscious about how they once looked.

To hammer away at an old cliché – if there’s any question about whether what you’re going to say is appropriate...then say nothing.

We must be mindful of this glaring disconnect between mass media images and the physical bodies we encounter in everyday life. If you expect your significant other to resemble a model with a stunning body (such as those we see in photographic ads), then you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

Some folks (including myself) prefer being photographed in close-ups (rather than wide shots)...because it hides our comparative imperfections in girth, and minimizes the “negative space” that makes us appear “fatter” than we actually are. Please respect that.

Nutrient-rich foods are great. But don’t be shy about splurging during the holidays. As Michelle Obama said, prior to Thanksgiving four years ago: “Eat the dressing!”

If someone wants that buttery chocolate croissant (or two or three)...let them eat the damn buttery chocolate croissant! That includes Maya Delbasio or Valerie Bertinelli. Nutrient-rich foods are for the other 10-11 months of the year.

And, even when we succeed at our health-minded goals – the psychological achievement of body confidence itself remains a continuous work-in-progress for just about anyone.

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these---days · 8 years ago

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Procrastination

1. Favourite colour --> Green.. but sometimes purple, or Teal... idk

2. Number of people you’ve slept with --> 2 3. Cake or ice cream? I don’t care for dessert but Cake over Ice Cream 4. If you were a superhero what would your power be? Seeing the future so I can 1) win the lottery to give money to all of the people and 2) see future regrets and change them as necessary 5. Ever been in a fist fight? Yup... or well, it was one sided as the person was being a drunk douche. I’m pretty patient and not easily angered but was the last straw when they were crap to an ex... so i ran across the room and their face met my fist as we went through a window ;). 6. Do you live in the country or the city? City 7. Biggest kink? I really can not think of anything... it’s been a while since I even gave a shit... refer to my #2 response lol 8. Favourite video-game? Assassin’s Creed 2....Classic maybe Crash Bandicoot or Zelda: A Link to The Past (honourable mentions - Heavy Rain bcuz it was the first game of it’s kind, NHL 200 something cuz I played it for a straight week and Parappa the Rapper for the memories I had while playing it) 9. Words you live by? I’m not religious but, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” 10. Best book you’ve ever read? Okay well this changes constantly there’s been a lot. Great Gatsby and Lord of the Flies were my first... Stone Butch Blues made me tear up after 20 pages... The Alchemist... The Hours... Tom Robbins though hands down has the best books. If you can’t tell I have a hard time with decisions or ONE STRAIGHT ANSWER (no pun intended) 11. Favourite film? .... REALLY... same as above, too many. The Hours, Girl, Interrupted, Eternal Sunshine, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Requiem for a Dream.... and honorable mention is Rocky Horror because I wouldn’t call it my fav but I do love it 12. Horror or romance? neither 13. Biggest fear? I’m usually more afraid of the anticipation of a thing than the actual THING... Otherwise no real “fears” in particular, I just spoke easily and get nervous a lot 14. Best memory? I have no idea. Maybe my 19th birthday weekend. First time people actually worked hard at surprising me, I felt really cared about and important to people outside of my family AND the girl I liked (but swore I wouldn’t tell bcuz I couldn’t lose anymore friends based on being a lesbian) kissed me. So that was a high. 15. Worst memory? There have been a lot... but to be honest everything becomes pretty neutral or numb (for best or worst memories) 16. Where are you from? Toronto, Canada 17. Ever done anal? no thankssss 18. Would you prefer to be Mary Berry’s grandchild or Paul Hollywood’s bitch? I would like to “Berry” “Hollywood” 19. Favourite outfit? Ugh I do not have one right now... maybe my underwear and a baseball shirt since that is usually my go to bed/not going out outfit ;) 20. Snapchat or Instagram? i dont care 21. If you could freeze time what would you do? nothing. I’m fucking frozen. 22. Best LUSH product in your opinion? Who knows, a bath bomb? I don’t go here 23. Should people wear red shirts or brown pants in your presence? nothing is the correct answer .. my life is so sad that I am still answering these 24. Favourite television character? Willow Rosenberg 25. Do you have a nemesis? Time, money, the patriarchy, capitalism, heterosexism... must I go on? 26. Are you a hard-worker? When other people are depending on me for sure. If it’s only for myself... not so much I think. But for a job, ya I’ll work harder than probably necessary to my disadvantage typically. 27. What’s the best holiday you’ve ever been on? Backpacking Australia 2012 with my sis 28. What’s your dream? I have none 29. Where do you see your life ending up? well... it wasn’t here that’s for sure 30. Describe your last sexual encounter. LOL I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER IT ITS BEEN THAT LONG 31. Cake by the ocean or sex on the beach? Cake by the Ocean... of course? 32. Ever done drugs? Obviously... Tylenol is a fucking drug you know ;) 33. Harry Potter or Lord Of The Rings? LOTR 34. Are you a jock or a nerd? lol... NERD... my best job in sports usually consisted of getting hit for the sake of the team 35. On a scale of 8 to 34.7, how gay are you? I am a strong 5.8 on the Kinsey Scale 36. Do you live for Tumblr discourse or hate it? meh 37. Favourite trashy television show? ugh sadly I will watch are you the one? or Survivor, Big Brother, MTV’s the Challenge 38. Last time you watched porn? lol i dont even know... also not even really my thing tbh 39. Do you have a recurring sexual fantasy? nope 40. Weirdest dream you ever had? i dont even know 41. Ever had mental health issues? yup 42. What’s the answer to the question you wish someone would ask you? no way, really? you’re joking! (lol) 43. Do you wish people paid more attention to you? omg no 44. Do you have anyone who you’d happily slap right across their chops? we live in a world with Trump in it... also about 2649473647823648232 political and capitalist assholes 45. Dog person or cat person? I can be both but DOGSSSSSS ... i became allergic to cats but I still end up all over them and suffer the consequences :’(

46. Sneakers or heels? LOL sneakers. No one needs to witness me in heels 47. Favourite cocktail? GT 48. Day or night? I’m a night person but I WISH I was a day person 49. Pokémon or Digimon? -mon 50. How big is your dick? YUGE 51. Favourite musical? Ugh I think I had a new one but oh well, Phantom of the Opera was my old one... Mamma Mia only because it’s all ABBA 52. Favourite song? Exit to a Movie by Radiohead but the version Westworld played during season 1. I love SO many though. (I will always love Cat Power and Regina Spektor though) 53. Are you secretly a goblin/alien/android? I am a Gob-lien-droid 54. Why are you like this? I’m sure it’s a mix genes, timing, contextual influence of the social determinants of health, my individual intersections and situational freedoms... along with my “choose my own adventure” decisions or non-decisions in life ;). THAT A COMPLETE ENOUGH FUCKING ANSWER FOR YA 55. What’s your guilty pleasure? sleep. Also sadly the movie Imagine you and me... omg #whatasap 56. What would you say if I said ‘I love you’? weird 57. What’s the story behind your URL? It’s from the movie Amelie 58. Tell me something that worries you. everything pretty much all the time... I would really love some regular massages. Or to remember the time when for a while I had no worries, had no tension and slept like a fucking BABY 59. What have you been worrying about today? Falling (literally), the work I have to get done, Money, School, Life after school, future work, decisions about where to live and what work options I’ll have, getting a dog, If I’ll have to date again to help make those decisions lol... Also accidentally became a klepto and found something in my luggage from a trip that I feel bad for taking... I don’t even know how or why it happened lol 60. I’m only sending you these questions because I have a crush on you and I’m too tragic to actually just say it. TOO BAD FOR YOUUUUU SUCKAAA 61. Hot dogs or burgers? depends 62. Nintendo or the other trash-consoles? Going outside 63. Which fandom ruined a show that you used to like? none. I dont know... fandoms do not define me! 64. What do you wish you could tell your best friend? I’ve got nothing 65. Tell us a deep dark secret. I have a secret... it’s is deep.... but it is also dark.... 66. Are you curious about having a man in leather spank your botty 'til it’s all red? I think I’m good but have fun with that 67. Favourite Tumblr couple? How do you even know tumblr couples?! 68. Do you have any dietary quirks? Nope.. maybe I’m getting lactose sensitive sometimes? Mostly I think it’s stress though 69. Do you want to have someone pleasure your genitals orally while you do the same to theirs? Not right no thanks I’m busyyyyy 70. How old are you? 31 last friday... 71. Which Buzzfeed listicle sums up your existence? WHAT IS A LISTICLE..also I ain’t got time for thattt 72. Do you have any pets? not anymore :’(... I got allergic to them #STORYOFMYLIFE 73. What colour underwear are you wearing? The are green and pink. Dark green with like jungle like leaves and flamingos <3. (American Eagle short briefs idk what they are called..) 74. Boxers or briefs? read #73 75. Fuck me, Ray Bradbury? You seem unsure of yourself there... or were you just giving an angry rant at yourself and then asking if Ray Bradbury was around... hmmm 76. Which television show do you want to last forever? Buffy but it isn’t on TV anymore and instead in Comic form 77. In a zombie apocalypse how long would you last? Instantly dead for sure... I’d just drop a huge rock on my head and be done with it lol 78. Do you have good internet connection or do you want to punch your router every ten minutes? ALSO WANT TO PUNCH EVERYTHING WITH MY INTERNET CONNECTION 79. Would you find it somewhat saucy if I sent bawdy nudes in your direction? Not particularly... unless you were serious about them and then I’d use like paint and make them hilarious haha omg ya that’d be great 80. Which country has the best flag? I was horrible about georgraphy lol.... I would throw knowing flags into that category 81. Do you consider yourself *iconic*? I consider myself *ironic* ... ew wait not in a hipster way... just wanted to throw out Alanis since that’s what came to mind here 82. Most overrated food? Bacon 83. Most overrated film? So many 84. Most overrated television show? Friends 85. Most overrated type of cheese? Babybel 86. Which brand would you never shop at? There’s a few ethical ones but also gotta check privilege with whether you can afford to skip some stores/brands 87. Wisdom, courage, or power? Wisdom 88. Would you prefer to travel in time and stay in the same spot, or travel in space with time elapsing as normal? Space would give me anxiety... but staying in the same spot would give me anxiety. CONUNDRUM 89. What’s the best birthday present you ever got? A girlfriend...For more on that check the “best memory” response I guess... although brithday present makes it sound like a person was an object/commodity that could be claimed and that’s not what I mean... trying to be funny just got serious RIGHT QUICK 90. What present do you wish someone would give you? I have no real wants.. just time with people. Or one day for all my friends to be together and nobody disliked anyone and could have a good time and get along for me... actually that would be the best present in the world but will never happen so alas, there is no reason for birthday parties anymore 91. Do you have an ex? Why did you break up? Yes. We had expired on our 9 lives. 91. Why does 91 appear on this list twice now? Because you typed it twice 92. Spare a thought for the humble creator of this list, it’s difficult to think of this many questions. Make the list shorter 93. Do you prefer anons or non-anons? onions 94. Who do you wish you could have sex with more than any other? more than any other...... ??? 95. What is your spirit animal? A KOALA, the sleep for like 22-23 hours of the day 96. Do you have one word that you really love the sound of? Tangent. Conundrum... idk 97. Do you still have any of your stuffed toys from when you were a kid?yup 98. What makes you super nostalgic? Random things, nothing particular 99. Give me an answer to a random one of these questions. (But don’t make it a shit answer like 'yes’. Don’t be an asshole.) asshole 100. What’s your favourite cocktail? SUP REPEAT 101. Sonic screwdriver or Ron’s shit broken wand from the second Potter book? OOGA BOOGA MAN FROM CRASH BANDICOOT lol 102. Laptop or PC? laptop 103. What’s the sexiest accent in your opinion? meh 104. Would you let Donald Trump tickle your nipples for an hour for £6,000,000? FUCK DONALD TRUMP ... i can’t even be funny with this one I just start fuming at his mention 105. You should check out a great little British website called Pretty52. This should’ve been for question 52..... so nope. 106. If you could dye your hair any colour, what colour would you change to? I’m good. 107. What would you change about your body if you could? I’d work out and eat healthy... idk.... bodies are bodies and they are the way the are for whatever reason to each their own. I’m for people changing their bodies and for not doing so at all. For me I only change stuff if I physically get pained otherwise it’s all aesthetics which is trivial. 108. Do you prefer to be hot or cold? hot 109. What’s your favourite way to orgasm? having one I guess lol? 110. Are you a mermaid or a unicorn? unicorn (I can’t swim so) 111. What’s the name of your favourite pet when you were a kid?I had none. So deprived. 112. What was your favourite class at school? History maybe? 113. Are you superstitious? kind of but not seriously 114. What do you think happens when we die? When I get there I’ll let you know 115. Pie or pi? PI!!! BTW, getting a McFlurry on Pi day is hilarious because the total for one in Canada with taxes is 3.14!!!! #nerdalert 116. Your followers a question. Are you questioning my followers??? 117. Lick my genitalia. I’m good thanks 118. What’s your favourite number? 8 119. Do you ever look up at the stars and feel small? nope 120. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?it’s.. fine 121. Tell me about a quirky personality trait. I have no idea 122. What was your favourite story when you were younger? My mom used to tell Caterpillar bedtime stories... the stories would start with the caterpillar having a certain amount of legs and this caterpillar would be playing some kind of game/sport against my family of 4 and in each sport my mom would make up how the caterpillar lost it’s legs. The story was over when they lost all their legs and we won lol. 123. Are you old before your time or young at heart? Ugh I WAS old before my time as a child... after 25 I’ve been trying to peter pan through life because now we’re stuck being old and I want a chance at childhood again haha 124. Why do you do the things you do? Please. Tell me. It’s a mix of contextual factors as I’ve answered for another question lol 125. I hope you enjoyed these questions. they actually were not that great... I am underwhelmed 126. Which Tumblr blog would you recommend to all your fans? one that upgrades them to a good old airconditioner

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elisparklequeen · 8 years ago

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All the valentines day asks you want to answer?

Of course

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? It’s much more than a crush by now

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? I am.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? A year.

4: Have you ever changed for someone? I have tried, but it proved to be a bad decision.

5: How is your relationship with your ex?

6: Have you ever been cheated on?

7: Have you ever cheated? Fuck no

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? I doubt it

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? Honesty, respect and loyalty.

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? ???

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? I don’t understand what that means

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? Kids should not have sex, bro. At least wait until you’re 18/19 imo. Just not when you’re a kid. (aka like 4 to 13)

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? My opinion on that changes quite a lot but I’m going to say “yes”

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? *cough*

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? When it’s obvious that no one’s happy in it.

20: Are you currently in a relationship? Sí

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? Yeah, unless it was an abusive relationship. But otherwise, yeah.

22: Do you think people should date their friends? If you like them and if they like you and you’re 100% sure about it, perhaps?

23: How many relationships have you had?

24: Do you think love can last forever? No but I don’t care if that’s possible or not, I want ours to

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? Not literally. It can’t stop a bullet.

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? Don’t rush your feelings.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? *COUGH*

29: What do you notice first about another person? Dunno.

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? I’M BI AS A BEE.

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? No. Well, it depends on what your definition of “bother” is and what mental illness we’re talking about. But most likely; nope

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

33: Do you want to get married one day? Yes.

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? It’s risky? Like, tattoos are permanent and if you break up with your partner… Well… Yeah.

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? Well I’m 16 so I have a couple of years until I want to actually consider doing that but… Yeah, you can have a sex-free relationship.

36: Are you still a virgin? ^

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? Personality.

38: Do you enjoy love films? I’ve never watched movies from the romance genre I think

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? I have given ;33 (I don’t like roses personally but I have given)

40: Have you ever had a valentine? *cOUgH*

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? On the couch/bed/whatever, wrapped in a blanket, watching movies with you. Would there be Pringles™? Of course.

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? I haven’t read it but I’ve heard it. AND I’ve been under the famous balcony.

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? Both are important.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? I’d consider myself “Trying to be romantic but not sure if I’m failing or not because I can’t see those things but I’m trying”

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? Probably without knowing it, yeah

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite? Depends, how famous are we talking? Because Stephanie and MatPat are just YES

48: What’s your favorite love song? I don’t know?

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are?

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? Why is this even a fucking question? I don’t care if you’re rich or poor, as long as you’re not an asshole we can get along.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? Pfff no, not really. I don’t think so, at least?

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)? I don’t know?

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? Probably pretty clingy. Both with relationship and friendship

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? I have no idea

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? Bro I’m 16 how would I know?

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? I am shit at remembering dates BUT I KNOW WE OFFICIALLY GOT TOGETHER 18TH SEPTEMBER AND I KNOW YOUR BDAY IS ON THE 22ND OF EITHER JUNE OR JULY.

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? I don’t know what that means?

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? See my answer to question 43

62: How do you define “cheating”? Kissing, fucking or just like having a “secret relationship” behind the others’ back. I - personally - don’t really see flirting as cheating? At least not joke-flirting.

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? Hell I don’t know?

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? It’s a bit strange.

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? YES. FUCK. YES. I LOVE CUDDLES. HUG ME. PLAY WITH MY HAIR. CUDDLES.

#ask #meg #meganhermionelovegood #justEliMegthings

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jyasjwrose · 8 years ago

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Valentine’s Day Questionnaire

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? I’m too worried about Trump destroying the world to have crushes right now.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? Yep, I am right now.

3: Longest relationship you've ever been in? 5 years

4: Have you ever changed for someone? Probably. That kind of thing isn’t really a conscious decision most of the time.

5: How is your relationship with your ex? Terrible. He was an abusive asshole.

6: Have you ever been cheated on? Yeah.

7: Have you ever cheated? No.

8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating? Depends. Each person is different and cheating isn’t always malicious.

9: What's the most important part of a relationship? Communication, trust, and love

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Serious relationships, definitely. I don’t see the value in flings.

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"? No.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? “Hooked up with”? That’s kind of an ambiguous phrase. You mean, like, done sexual things with? I don’t fucking know. Not too many. *shrugs*

13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? Staying for so long.

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? When they’re ready. It isn’t some magical standardized age.

15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"? Age has a lot to do with who we are. Age sums up a rough estimate of what life experiences you’ve had. Some mature faster than others. Some people never “grow up.”

16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"? Nope. Infatuation, sure. Attraction, sure.

17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet? Definitely.

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? Unfounded hatred toward certain groups of people.

19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship? I think that’s for each person to decide. But for me, being unhappy is a definite giveaway.

20: Are you currently in a relationship? Yep.

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? Yes, of course.

22: Do you think people should date their friends? If they’re attracted to each other, why not?

23: How many relationships have you had? Eight, I think.

24: Do you think love can last forever? Sure.

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? Uh, no. That’s silly.

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of? Fuck no. I don’t give a shit if my parents didn’t like someone.

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? Don’t be in such a hurry.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? Yes, but it takes a lot of dedication and work to keep it together.

29: What do you notice first about another person? Depends on the person. It’s a case-by-case thing.

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? Yes, I am one of those. ;)

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? Nope.

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Yeah.

33: Do you want to get married one day? Not really, but I probably will because people are given more privileges when they’re married. Privileges that should just be rights for everyone.

34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed? Bad idea.

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? Yes, of course.

36: Are you still a virgin? No, not that it matters.

37: What's more important: Looks or personality? They’re both important, but personality is more so.

38: Do you enjoy love films? Most of the time, no. But occasionally, a decent one comes along. Most romance or romance comedies have problematic shit in them.

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? I’ve gotten roses a few times, yeah.

40: Have you ever had a valentine? As in a card or as in a person? Either way, yeah.

41: What's your image of a "perfect date"? Eating good food, cuddling, and whatever we wanna do.

42: Have you ever read "Romeo and Juliet"? Sure. Required to in high school.

43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends? Friends come and go. My partner is the most important person in my life.

44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"? Yeah. Definitely.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? Yeah. I can imagine anything. Doesn’t mean that’s what I want.

46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"? You mean, has someone told me they weren’t attracted to me and only saw me as a friend? Yeah. That’s not a zone though. That’s just someone not having feelings for you. Friendship isn’t a shitty consolation prize and no one is obligated to like you back.

47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite? N/A

48: What's your favorite love song? “Love Song” by Adele

49: Have you ever broken someone's heart? Unfortunately, yes.

50: If you're single, why do you think you are? N/A

51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy? Dumb question. The latter, obviously.

52: Are you good at giving other people advice regarding dating/relationships? No.

53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single? A little.

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)? Meh. *shrugs*

55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"? Clingy, yes. Overly attached, yes. Jealous, no.

56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship? I don’t think so.

57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? Not at all. In fact, sometimes people don’t even need to commit suicide. The heart can literally start to malfunction because of trauma caused by the loss of a loved one.

58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship? N/A; we’re equals.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary? No.

60: What's your opinion on open relationships? Acceptable as long as everyone involved is consensual and informed.

61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family? My partner, considering I don’t have a family.

62: How do you define "cheating"? Doing something with another person besides your partner that hurts your partner.

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? No.

64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated? I think it’s a cash grab for a lot of companies. Besides, people in relationships should treat each other lovingly all the time, not just one day out of the year.

65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"? YES. I love sensual affection. Cuddling, snuggling, massages, rubbing, back scratching, etc.

#valentine's day #questionnaire #love #relationships #just for fun

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