#i tend to type very erratically when i'm emotional

[littledamadelfuego]

synastry case study #1: a lesson in moon signs, part one

A friend asked me for some thoughts on their synastry, so I figured I would post it here to share some synastry notes.

For the record, I use Placidus and Modern astrology.

The Big Three

Person #1: Taurus Sun, Cancer Moon, & Aquarius Rising

Person #2: Cancer Sun, Cancer Moon, & Leo Rising

Initially, it is easy to see why these two individuals would be drawn to one another. Not only do they share a moon sign but the moon sign is in Cancer. I tend to find that Cancer Moons are drawn to one another more than any other moon sign. For reference, this is a friends chart, and I also have a Cancer Moon-- we tend to cling to one another. Personally, I would blame it on the moons domicile in the sign. Cancer moons can experience erratic emotions and it often feels like only other Cancer placements understand.

Anyways, not only are the moon sign's matching, Person #2 also has a Cancer Sun, which is further going to emphasize the emotional understanding in this relationship indicating that emotions are central in this connection.

We can further see the attraction between the two through their sister-sign Risings. Both likely stand out in a crowd, but here is where the differentiation begins. The two are at odds in the way that they process emotions because their moons fall in opposite themed houses. Since the moons fall in opposite houses (natally), although they process emotions the same, the areas in which they place those emotions oppose and this creates a dynamic in which the individual's feel that their emotions and what they value are belittled.

Person #1 may have emotional ties related to their creative works, children, and are likely to place more value in the areas of their life that bring them joy-- this person likely goes to extreme lengths to avoid the things that make them uncomfortable. Unfortunately, Person #2 may see this as selfish-- Person #2's moon being in the 11th house shows that they place their value in the collective-- in fact with the 11th house stellium in Cancer, Person #2 is very likely to be a humanitarian type and they are further likely to always put their friends first (potentially even ahead of their lovers)-- and because they have such an emphasis on the collective-- they may perceive Person #1 as a bit selfish, and potentially even hedonistic.

Of course, this is not true (although it can be if Person #1 is unbalanced emotionally), but it is simply where Person #1 receives the most emotional satisfaction-- which again, directly opposes the area in which Person #2 receives emotional satisfaction. Therefore, even though they share the same moon sign, which would initially show a basic level of compatibility-- the house placements indicate an innate incompatibility. Because we must keep in mind that both of the moon signs are in Cancer, and it is incredibly difficult to get a Cancer moon to budge on their emotional values. And because the two feel the same type and amount of passion about these areas of life, it can be difficult to make the two merge because the areas of their emotional values differ so much.

All of this to say, when reading synastry-- we cannot solely read sign to sign, and we must understand these two as individuals. Seeing a couple with matching moon signs, or where the moon conjuncts the Sun, we are likely to say instantly that the two are compatible-- but once we look a bit further, we can see the reason why it is so difficult for there to be blanket rules in astrology.

I will do a part two of this where I'm going to make a note of a few other things that are standing out to me in this synastry, but if you read this far, I hope you enjoyed and learned something :).

[whyamiheretumbled]

Rise Leo and the Cluster B spectrum

@smudged-kaleidoscope YES, ITS BEEN MONTHS,BUT GUESS WHOS BACK WITH TMNT UHM INTERPRETATIONS?! MEEEEEE!!! And today, why I think Rise Leo might be on the cluster B spectrum.

IMPORTANT NOTES:I am not a licensed professional, all of this is done through forums run and managed by those with a Cluster B disorder, talking to those with cluster disorders, research, and anaylziation. Also, personality disorders DONOT make people inherently abusive. Maybe, MAYBE, abusive tendencies, due to the way their brains interpret things, but this does not make them ALL abusive. It is a personality disorder, not a reason nor excuse to be a prick. Abuse all boils down to the PERSON.

The four types of Cluster B Personality disorders are:ASPD, NPD, HPD, AND BPD. These are characterized by unstable lifestyles and erratic/dramatic behaviour.

Personally,I think Leo shows symptoms of all(since Cluster B's and other Clusters have an overlap) and as a person with multiple HC'S who is also NOT licensed, it's hard for me to choose exactly what to identify Leo as.

He is histrionic, he enjoys being the center of attention and feels uncomfortable when people are not entertained. He could be sociopathic(since psychopaths have complete absence of bonds apparently, that's why I didn't identify him as this), low empathy towards his brothers and others, he's full of himself to mask any and all insecurities, and he's afraid of being emotionally abandoned.

But at the end of the day, I think Leo might be sociopathic(or at least have sociopathic tendencies) and have NPD. The reason why I don't believe he has BPD is because he doesnt seem to have the same mood switches commonly shown in BPD(I'll compare his behaviour to his brothers later!). OF COURSE, mental health looks different in everyone, and he could still have BPD, maybe quiet BPD instead of 'standard'. Same thing with HPD. Histrionics tend to 'over-react', and want attention on them at all times. But Leo isn't especially clingy, and while he is dramatic, I'm not sure if it's out of him actually being emotional.(So his dramatics would be an example of him having an overlap between the four personality disorders.)

Now, why do I think Leo has NPD and or ASPD?

APSD and NPD have both been researched, and, according to peoples experiences, seem to stem from genetics and childhood trauma. We already know Splinter was/is quite full of himself, which could've been a symptom, and maybe he has a personality disorder, but for the sake of not feeling like analyzing him today, let's just say this was brought on by childhood trauma.

We KNOW Splinter was neglectful, and that the brothers are all dissatisfied with their relationship with him, and how he raised them. Their normal is being ignored by their father. Leo constantly seeks out other father figures, as well as trying to act similar to Lou Jitsu to try and impress the one he has. This already makes Leo not have the emotional support he needed growing up. Being ignored from time to time by a parent, and then them randomly deciding you're important, is very hurtful(I know from experience). Other factors could be them growing up in the sewers, isolated. They never had any social interactions besides each other and basically the media to know how to act, and let's be honest, Lou Jitsu and Jupiter Jim both seem to be pretty egotistical characters. If Leo was looking up to them, he most likely mimicked the way they behaved. We see in the series and in the movie his brothers,or family in general, don't especially trust him, which would've filled him with self doubt, and therefore, double down.

In addition to this, Raph is known to be overprotective. He lived a life with little to no boundaries. There are SO MANY factors adding up to his personality developing in a different way.

In the series and movie, we see that Leo has many insecurities and masks this with his dramatics and being full of himself. Does this mean he ACTUALLY feels this way? Maybe he feels like this at some points, but this doesnt mean he feels like this all the time. Guess what personality disorder(s) deal with this? That's right! Cluster B!

When Leo feels insecure, targeted, attacked, etc, he doubles down. He acts out. He tries to sway what's happening the way he wants it to go. He builds walls. He might even lash out at people, and say hurtful comments. When Leo is confronted about his tendencies, those walls go up, and he starts trying to distract whoever. if he feels REALLY self doubtful, like seen in that one ep with Splinter and Leo infiltrating Big Mama's, he gets upset and questions why, after EVERYTING, why dont thry trust him? Why are they mad at him for no reason? He didn't do anything, right? They're the ones who are being weird, not him.(this is also an example of how Leo distorts his reality).

In Cluster B(well, alot if not all personality disorders technically)people who have said disorder(s) may also lash out if they feel offended. This doesn't mean just because they feel perfectly attacked. In the movie, Raph gets kidnapped by the Kraang because Leo was desperate to get the key(to prove his self worth?). Leo goes into a moment of hysteria, I think the character term is. He has a anxiety attack. He's lost his big brother, and all he got was the key. He's a fucking failure. And who is the reason for this failure?

Casey. Leo immediately goes after him, blocking everything else out and fighting his brothers just to attack him. When April asks 'so you just, left Raph?' Leo pushes the blame away, talking about how he left himself. He blames Casey, because he knew, he had to knew, and he just let Raph get hurt. This seems like a mixture of him lashing out because of both his own attacked ego(since he couldn't preform the task fully) and being upset because Casey hurt someone close to him(which I'll go into later ToT).

Throughout the film(and series) Leo constantly strives for attention/affection. At least on the emotional side. He keeps quoting Casey, and when finally confronted with the fact he isn't 'the best', he reflects, and then sends himself in the Prison Dimension later on(and he most likely thought/knew, he wouldnt be making it out. He sacrificed himself for everyone to be happy, to prove he was worth something, that he could be a hero, etc). In the series, Leo constantly makes jokes and stuff to make everyone pay attention to him! In one episode, the Sydney one, Leo is trying to a do a trick, but he instead crashes, straight into the wifi! And he blames Donnie, for putting it in the spot, not on himself, because why would he be blamed? Donnie should know not to put stuff where they don't belong. It's not his fault.

Another thing, Leo refuses to be wrong about almost anything! And I can see how it could be frustrating,if no one EVER believes you. But sometimes, Leo was wrong, but he still refused to listen to anyone else just because he had to 'prove something'. I feel like at some moments, he does feel maybe guilty about his inability to listen and learn, but for the most part, he believes he's right all the time and everyone else just can't be unless they agree with him.

Yet another symptom is a general lack of respect for authority. Once again, throughout Rise, Leo questions Splinter's authority and Raph's, even if it is a bit subtle. Even in the Hidden City, he's enthusiastic about Senor Hueos's past. Yes, it's cool he was a pirate. But also, pirates say fuck authority. I feel like he doesn't even care enough to be in authority. He trusts his brothers, Raph, at least, he trusts them to a slight extent to have good ideas or whatever. But more often than not, he thinks they need guidance. He could feel uncomfortable by directly being in charge until his character development. So, he let's other people 'run the show', while he does stuff in the background. He doesn't care enough to fully be in charge, but if a plan is stupid, he's gonna say something(a lot of EPs highlight this, like Donnies Gifts, Mystic Mayhem, the episode where they frst meet Big Mama, you get the point lol!) And in Snow Day, Leo can be seen writing down all the rules, which I'm going to take as him waiting to break/bend/loop them later on XD

AND OMG, I've mentioned this a lot already but Leo is so fucking insecure! Like seriously 😭😭😭😭 his whole persona of being the 'face-man' quite literally means he has little to no personal sense of self. He's fucking insecure, he masks, he feels like he's nothing with his brothers. Face man literally is barley a part of the team, it just means he shoes off to people and entertains them! And this guy, when someone doubts him, he gets so upset 😞 enough abt this point tho, since I've ranted enough on it already!

Fucking. Favorite. People. Contrary to popular belief,you dont have to have BPD to have a favorite/fixated person, or have one, or have them be a romantic interest. For Leo, I think his favorite people would probably fluctuate around his family. If I had to choose a specific one, then most likely Raph. I would say Donnie, but I just don't feel like he 'looks up to him' as he does to Raph. Raph is the big brother, who they look to for guidance, and to handle everything. Without Raph during the movie, that was the only time Leo was actively trying to fix his behavior. He sees Raph as a little dumb maybe, sure,but I genuinely think he finds him VERY important, a slight exception to that authority thing, etc.

Next point, little to no empathy! Leo is very sarcastic, maybe more than Donnie. He can be very, very patronizing towards others in certain situations(like the Repo Mantis ep where they were looking for the Mystic Metal!). There are some points, yeah, where Leo shows empathy ("that lady in a wheelchair walked! ", having a pillow with Donnie's logo, apologising to Raph for everything's he's done-) but I think some of those points are either him masking, being overdramatic about how he actually feels(which could be way less intense) and maybe just actually feeling emotional. Having ASPD/NPD do NOT mean you can't feel emotions, a common symptom just happens to be little to no empathy! And I feel like Leo acts like this on enough occasions for it to count.

Leo iis proud, loud, and shows off, but since I've already said this part so much I won't go deep into it ;-;'.INSTEAD, let's talk about Leo being manipulative! This is another point I've mentioned, Leo swaying things or people to go the way he wants. I don't think this makes him bad. He might not even realize he's doing it sometimes. (He's also a teenager, which I have to mention later ToT) People with Cluster B may tend to manipulate others, but this is due to the way their brain works, and shouldn't be used to demonize them, especially since untreated Cluster disorders are very self destructive and hurtful to the individual. Some if not most people with NPD/ASPD might dream of manipulating others, or already do so. Once again, this doesn't make them bad.

Risk-taking, but hating consequences. Leo loves risk taking. He can be impulsive. He skates in a 'high crash area' where a spread of food is out. He takes off his suit just because he wanted to breathe, knowing that there was a wild sick Splinter running about. He throws himself into the Prison Dimension 😭😭😭😭 but one of the things I think that separate him from his brothers, is that he maps stuff out(kinda like April). He knows the risk, he takes the risk, he's reckless because he's BORED and wants to have FUN. And sometimes, if the risk isn't good enough, he says fuck it and doesn't go for the reward:AKA, adrenalin, dopamine, whatever good brain chemicals you can think of that make you be like 'Woo, fun! '? That's what he's chasing.

Okay, iI'mma compare Leo to his brothers :^ now. Well, specifically his moods. While his brothers, might be prone to breaking down, getting easily upset and angry, ETC, Leo is way more calm. There's a lot of specific instances in the show of his brothers losing their cool, but Leo rarely does. He just keeps the mask up, and if he's mad, he's mad. But sometimes, even when he's 'mad', he's still running off that rush that comes from it. This isn't a specific symptom or anything, I just wanted to compare how their moods are different, since I was like'Wait... Wait a minute? '

Final thing(for now >:}). Leo is a teenager. Personality disorders form, yes, but since he's a teenager, hormones can easily mimic symptoms, and a few assumptions and symptoms doesn't mean having the disorder. But, based off this stuff I mentioned and more, I think he might be a sociopath and maybe vulnerable NPD. If I used anything incorrectly, or worded it wrong, or misinformation, please let me know! I know Cluster B's are all heavily stigmatized and seen as abusers. I don't see everyone with Cluster B as an abuser, nor do I think Leo is an abuser. I don't think any of his traits that come off as 'bad' ruin him as a character, or means there is something wrong with him. I recently saw a few posts, and felt motivated to finally make this.💔

[c4rdsharp]

“I think making sense is optional. Sometimes I'm just talking.” - graham

Tilting his head, Luck’s expression turned to one of mild curiosity & interest. Or confusion, depending on one’s perception of him. It was hard to tell under the faded light exactly what Luck was thinking, putting aside his usual absence of expression. In fact, it wasn’t obvious if Luck lacked the ability to emote, or if it was merely his prerogative to be so impenetrable. Perhaps it was both. Not many people could predict what was going on inside his head. Of course, not many people could predict what was going on inside Graham’s head either, so perhaps the confusion was warranted. Or curiosity. It was one or the other. “ i . . . do s’ppose that would explain quite a bit, although i don’t think it bodes well for either you or the person you’re talking to if what comes out seems like gibberish. after all, how are they to know if you are just making sounds? the point of them is to communicate, is it not? “ Although, now that Luck considered it, Graham wasn’t always the type to engage in constructive conversation. Usually, he rambled on and on about one thing or the other, taking a long - winded road to some inane conclusion – often time seemingly nonsensical ( although, if truth be told, it was just as likely to be sensible, depending on his mood or the erratic nature of his mind. Not everything Graham said was just him, quote - unquote, talking ). Perhaps just hearing himself speak was enough. still, that doesn’t make what i said untrue. people who only like to hear themselves talk tend to not be very well - liked. “ i imagine some conversation partners may find that frustrating. most people wish to engage when possible ; if someone has no interest to hear their input or won’t bother to make themselves understandable, they may not feel inclined to speak with that person once again. i understand how it can be difficult to arrange your thoughts in a coherent enough speech to be comprehensible, but the effort, in my experience, goes a long way. careless speech is no habit you should form. it tends to burn bridges more than build them. as such, i would advise you against talking nonsense, if at all applicable. “

text posts / @closedcoffins

[mycharacterdump]

❀ 𝐒𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐏 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐍 ⋯ A CHARACTER STUDY !

sometimes i wonder if i should be medicated , if i would feel better just slightly sedated . a feeling comes so fast and i cannot control it . i'm on fire , but i'm trying not to show it . picks me up , puts me down , a hundred times a day , it picks me up , puts me down , it chews me up , spits me out , picks me up , puts me down . i'm always running from something i push it back , but it keeps on coming - and being clever never got me very far , because it's all in my head and " you're too sensitive ", they said . i said, " okay, but let's discuss this at the hospital. "

BASIC INFORMATION ,

FULL NAME: stella snowdrop jensen.

NICKNAME(S): snowy , snow white , angel baby muffin. 

DATE OF BIRTH: january 31st , 2006.

ETHNICITY: caucasian.

GENDER: cis woman.

PRONOUNS: she / her.

ORIENTATION: questioning.

RELIGION: paganism.

MARITAL STATUS: single.

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english + ( some ) tagalog + asl.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE ,

FACE CLAIM: brooklyn rae silzer.

HAIR COLOUR/STYLE: naturally dark brown ; often given blonde highlights.

EYE COLOUR: hazel. 

HEIGHT: five foot two.

WEIGHT: 105 lbs.

BUILD: lean.

TATTOOS: hidden wave behind her left ear.

PIERCINGS: ears ; both lobes.

CLOTHING STYLE: beach bum ; loose - fitting shirts , colorful tank - tops / swimsuits , mesh athletic shorts , custom vans , butterfly clips.

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: sun - kissed skin ; freckles decorating her shoulders and across her cheeks / bridge of nose.

HEALTH ,

AILMENTS: none.

MENTAL AILMENTS: none.

EMOTIONAL STABILITY: high.

BODY TEMPERATURE: normal.

ADDICTIONS: none. 

DRUG USE: only vitamins. 

ALCOHOL USE: none. 

PERSONALITY ,

LABEL: the heart of the ocean.

JUNG TYPE: enfp.

POSITIVE TRAITS: adventurous , curious , freethinking , selfless , vivacious , resourceful , dreamy + whimsical.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: noncommittal , unpredictable , secretive , distractable , ritualistic , impulsive , erratic + indulgent.

HOBBIES: surfing , biking , geocaching , journaling , collecting shells.

QUIRKS: never empty-handed; always carries food and drink , resting face is still smiling , always has band aids inexplicably stuck on limbs , wears braces , tends to underdress , holds up a peace sign in every photo.

LIKES: her deities , the ocean + beach , visiting cape cod , surf culture , saltwater animals , creative makeup , summer vibes all the time , luke hemmings from 5sos , tiktok , being the youngest sibling.

DISLIKES: thunderstorms , the taste of alcohol , people that discredit paganism , when the sun sets at 4 pm , kanye west , being set - up on dates.

FAVOURITE ,

WEATHER: summertime.

COLOUR: turquoise. 

MUSIC: any 5 seconds of summer song.

MOVIES: the craft. 

BOOK: anne of green gables.

FLOWER: lantana.

SPORT: surfing / cycling. 

BEVERAGE: lychee milk tea. 

FOOD: balut.

FAMILY ,

FATHER: spencer jensen ( father , alive ).

MOTHER: rainbow wozniak - jensen ( mother , alive ).

SIBLING(S): maisie jensen , max jensen , mim jensen , honey jensen , india jensen, harrison jensen + sebastian jensen.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER: none.

CHILDREN: none.

PET(S): six seahorses ; aether , calliope , iris , psyche , tyche + enyo.

FAMILY’S FINANCIAL STATUS: upper class.

EXTRAS ,

AESTHETICS: late night drives with friends , lazy sundays , new lush bath bombs , sand stuck to sun - kissed skin , puppy dog eyes , hands clasped in silent prayer , getting up early , tropical flower crowns , seashell necklaces ,  twirling around until dizzy , collecting offerings , believing in signs , always offering a helping hand , wetted down locks , the first summer of your youth , intricate braids , glazed lip gloss , eye gems / decor , courage dear heart.

THEME SONGS: free by florence + the machine ( main theme ) , ancient dreams in a modern land by marina , malibu by miley cyrus , good days by sza , my girl by the temptations , riptide by vance joy , pleaser by wallows , young dumb & broke by khalid , dancing queen by abba , crush culture by conan gray.

[icharchivist]

I'm sorry if that's a stupid question but can you tell me what a Klesha is?

It's not at all a stupid question! it's a lore that only drops on new year so it's easy to miss, so no worries

Klesha is basically a sort of negative energy that find people and accumulates into their heart when they are miserable. This negative energy then goes on to corrupt the heart of those people until they ooze with Klesha and starts behaving erratically, miserable, burying themselves in their own misery to an extreme.

So basically it's a corrupting force preying on people who feel bad already to nest inside of them and corrupt them further in order to become a Klesha's vessel.

the Klesha itself is kind of like... a a purple aura, an ooze, it doesn't really have a shape, but once it has fully corrupted something or someone, this thing will be twisted.

The 12 Zodiac Generals are here to keep it under control. Each of them are attributed a temple, and they take turns focusing on the Klesha depending on the year of the Zodiac, I believe because they are given a tad stronger magical protection because of it -- while also keeping in mind that as per the rotation in Granblue right now, all of our girls tend to be newly discovered Zodiac.

The Zodiac are picked by mystical weapons and guardians who will guide them into knowing how to cleanse Klesha. They usually get picked pretty young, and they help each other up with their duties every year.

It's also why each Zodiac try to dedicate themselves into making people happy, as happy people have less chances to be miserable and attract and produce Klesha as a result.

The key also regarding the cleansing of the Klesha is a sort of clock called Joya

Joya is a bell that is rang every new year. Once rang, it absorbs all 12 types of negative energy in the Skyrealms, allowing people to start the new year anew. It is also, therefore, a good thing to prevent the Klesha, since it cleanses the misery that would attract them otherwise.

However, the Klesha can be absorbed by Joya as well -- and as it's not one of the 12 negative energy type Joya is made to deal with, it can only handle a small quantity of them -- and a large quantity of Klesha can and will corrupt Joya and drives it fully Bersek.

it's therefore the purpose of the 12 Zodiacs to make sure Joya stays uncorrupted, and cleanse it if the Klesha drives it insane.

A few years ago, on Vikala's introduction, Joya got corrupted again, to the point of being quite defective afterward.

thankfully, Mahira, the Chicken Zodiac, who is also an inventor, decided to create a new Joya that could help Joya with cleaning the Klesha.

Joy can speak and has emotional intelligence wired in, so it makes him a whole new generation of Joya. He's very sweet and naive with a good heart -- which proved itself to be a problem as it actually ended up attracting the Klesha to corrupt him.

We had to cleanse him, and he's been trying hard now to stay positive to properly support Joya in the cleansing every year.

so this is more or less the run down of the New Year Lore in Granblue, if i'm not too mistaken.

Hope it helps!!

[zaruba-needslove]

Ahaha. Here I am again with sharing another vid of this same bloody song with meta pasted alongside it. It’s weird how so often my gut feelings over a show ended up hitting right on target. 

Like in some other vid comment I said that this song was practically Hyungbin/Soohyuk suffering song. In which few others also agree/had the same opinion and few others argued that it’s not. Since the song appeared in Jongbeom’s scene as well. But now after the drama was concluded and we saw the full picture, there should no longer be any doubts as to whom this song mostly represented. (Like you should watch this vid and look at the lyrics/translations of the lyrics and think about Hyungbin/Soohyuk’s plot throughout the series.)

That said, I might as well do a meta on Hyungbin/Soohyuk now. (Been meaning to do this for a while tbh.)

Since KBSdrama youtube tend to share clips of the current airing drama clips shortly after the episode air, I tend to check the channel out whenever I’m following any certain KBS dramas that I like. And because of that, I tend to read people’s comments as well. Bad habit. There’s something that bothered me a bit about how some people viewed Hyungbin/Soohyuk’s character. Like how they said Hyungbin was an incompetent policeman (for assuming Gong Jicheol the serial killer etc) and how Soohyuk was such a corrupt prosecutor (for having falsified evidence etc) and using that as the reason why they prefered Gong Jicheol/Cheon Jongbeom as their preferred character. While yeah, everyone is allowed to have their preferences I can’t help wanting to defend that Hyungbin/Soohyuk was not the kind of people they think they were.

I mean, how would you expect Hyungbin to figure out the real killer especially when the dude (Gong Inu) was technically ‘dead’ officially? And that time period... there’s still no DNA technology, at most people could test for blood types... as well as fingerprint analysis. And with the many conflicting details (different person who kills, different person to put on the socks on the victim, different(?) person that paints the portraits of the victims...) that didn’t quite make sense, how could Hyungbin figure out who was and wasn’t a suspect? It’s not like Hyungbin was some bigshot cop who had informants all over the place!

(Not to mention the whole how the hell Gong Inu manage to fake his death... but we gonna set that argument aside for now.) With all that already present, making Hyungbin’s investigation a bit problematic to figure out... isn’t it VERY troublesome when you have this kid Gong Jicheol trying to ‘fake’ a new victim, under the pretence of wanting to create a new brain-dead person who could later become a heart donor for Haeeun, by linking his murder to be a part of Gong Inu’s serial murder? Would that be Hyungbin’s fault that Gong Jicheol end up falsely accused for Gong Inu’s murder? While it’s true that Haeeun didn’t exactly see Jicheol murdered the woman, she was there when the woman screamed after being hit by Jicheol, and that salon had only ONE entrance and Jicheol was the only other person inside. What you gonna say about that? Gong Jicheol DID. STILL. MURDERED. A PERSON. And Haeeun ended up having testified for that... albeit under false accusation as it was assumed to be part of a serial murder when it was not.

And this guy also happened to have a big crush on Haeeun and have a habit of shadowing her night and day. And it also happened that Gong Inu was also aware of this crush... and you also have a very carefree Haeeun who still happily carrying around a YELLOW umbrella when a serial murder case with the victim’s being women WITH yellow umbrellas still unresolved. (Oh no... it got Dooly’s picture on it. No dear, IT DOES NOT MATTER!) Do you think, with all this being stacked on Hyungbin’s conscience, that dude will not be EXTRA wary and protective over his girlfriend who happened to have a weak heart and also happened to be the daughter of a couple he inadvertently led to their deaths because of a criminal that he had been chasing after? Do you think that guy will NOT be very frantic when he finds out the stalker that shadowed his gf happened to keep HER UMBRELLA at his home as well as being caught burning the actual keepsake of Gong Inu’s murders in the open??? How on earth would you think that Hyungbin would NOT see Gong Jicheol as a murder suspect? Heck, he was even MURDERED in order to have Gong Jicheol be blamed for his death!

HOW CAN YOU THINK HE WAS INCOMPETENT DETECTIVE WHEN HE’S JUST BEEN INVESTIGATING BASED ONLY ON THE INFORMATION THAT HE HAD AT PRESENT? Also about him initially refusing to have Haeeun testify against Jicheol. Oi, Haeeun had a weak heart. Do you think Hyungbin would want to risk endangering her wellbeing by having her testify at court just so he can get Jicheol jailed? After what happened to her parents?

When Gong Jicheol ran away and try to look for Haeeun, what did you think the first thing that came to his mind? Haeeun’s safety! And he had a reason to be worried. Gong Jicheol did attack the doctor who was checking on him! And we don’t even know if the doctor was only slightly injured or DEAD.

Also on Soohyuk. We were given a brief back story on how Soohyuk’s father ended up suiciding because he felt responsible, due to the fact that the criminal to whom he thought was repenting on their crimes ended up KILLING the witness who testified against them right after they were released from prison. How do you think that incident would’ve affected Soohyuk? As much as his late father had told him to believe in the good of people and that we should give chance for them to redeem themselves, after what happened to his father, do you think he’d trust the words of criminals that claimed to have turn a new leaf and regretted their crimes? Would he ever again trust the words of a criminal? Then, weigh all that to his reason for using unidentified remains and fabricating evidence to make sure all criminals get locked in jail and never again hurt anyone he cared about. Unlike Cheon Seoktae who did it mostly to rise in ranks, Soohyuk just want to keep criminals off the streets. Yes, while his methods may be too extreme... consider this. Can you always know for sure whether someone was innocent or guilty of a crime ESPECIALLY when you don’t have enough evidence/unable to find any evidence because the criminal hid it too well? If you somehow fail to convict a murderer and let them go free, how’d you feel if those criminal create even more victims? Wouldn’t all that guilt haunt you for life afterwards? Then tell me, if you can judge Kim Soohyuk and the people supporting his methods for doing what they did? (The drama DID hint on that tbh, like Dr. Yoo mentioned something about a past case... but we never got to hear about that because the drama sucks on the development of the crime plot.)

Also on the part when Soohyuk shot Jongbeom. That very scene that was almost a parallel between the earlier Hyungbin-Jicheol confrontation. On both situations Hyungbin and Soohyuk was in a state of alarm and panic over Haeeun/Sabin’s safely. And then you have Jicheol/Jongbeom being dodgy AF in between them. And afterwards, both of them made a sudden movement. You think anyone could think long before reacting to the situation? When even ONE SECOND could change between life or death, especially when Soohyuk thought Sabin was hurt (the blood spill from outside, her being tied up, Jongbeom holding a knife and hulking over her menacingly)? And all this could’ve been avoided had Jicheol/Jongbeom just stayed still and disarm himself and allow Hyungbin/Soohyuk to be at ease and be assured that Haeeun/Sabin was safe. Like Jicheol/Jongbeom argued that no one cared to listen to them but on the other hand they also did not bother to listen to others or trust them? So you cannot put all the blame solely on Hyung/Soohyuk for reacting to the situation as is because it’s either that or losing someone they loved. Soohyuk himself had said that the incident was also traumatic to him as well. Meaning he wasn’t also in the calmest state at that time!

Also, I ended up arguing with some other people who still insist that Soohyuk deserved his bad ending because Soohyuk needs to pay for his past sins... even more than Jicheol, and WTH was that LOGIC? As if Hyungbin wasn’t already paying for it by becoming Haeeun’s legal guardian as well as fiancee because of his guilty conscience for indirectly causing Haeeun’s parent’s death to the extent of him having symptoms similar to Haeeun's heart attacks, as well as him being content JUST by seeing Haeeun alive and well thus he ended up going to the extremes in order to protect her. HOW MUCH PUNISHMENT DID YOU WANT THAT POOR FICTIONAL PERSON CARRY?

*breathe*

This should be enough then for Hyungbin/Soohyuk meta. Anything else I’ll just be throwing it all out on my fics. Even if no one would unlikely be reading any of it because of how messed up this drama had been. I need to take a break at writing this. Cos all the anger that resurface while typing this made me feel sick again I need to get something to drink.

[rpbetter]

Hey, can I get some advice on improving my descriptions / becoming more literate? I feel like I'm really dull when it comes to my writing and would like some advice! Thank you!

You absolutely can, thank you for asking! I apologize it took me a bit to get to this, tumblr didn’t show me notifications and I’ve been rather busy. Hopefully, I can offer some good advice!

Please, keep in mind that, as always, it is just my advice. If these things do not work out for you, don’t feel bad about it! You just need to find what does work for you. And, if you have anything that jumps out at you that you wish me to elaborate more on, or even that simply occurs to you more specifically to ask as you read, please, do ask! I am always happy to have those questions, of course.

Being more literate in itself can help. It can also be a hindrance, however, as we tend to compare ourselves to others negatively. I’d say not to do that, but it’s something you have to unlearn, not something you can simply stop doing. We’re taught a lot of self-criticism by comparison in both the educational system and our society. You’ve got learn to approach material you enjoy as just that, something you enjoy, not a standard you need to uphold. All writers should be unique, they’re all individual people! I think the death of a good many unwritten works hinges on that, honestly; the writer couldn’t live up to their own expectations, born of comparison to their literary heroes.

That being said? Read.

Read new and diverse things, and revisit old favorites. Learn as many words as you can in whatever way works best for you; through reading alone, through word of the day apps, or looking up novel words you run across/looking up words as you write to compare them to synonyms. I know, tumblr has gotten really nasty in recent years about writers who seem to have “regurgitated a thesaurus.” There is always a bad way to do something good, there are always excesses when you’re passionate about something. Don’t replace every third word with an exotic one simply because you think it looks better. Do replace words that are, legitimately, better in how they evoke the setting or mood you are going for. Remember that word flow is important, perhaps especially when it comes to descriptions.

If you do not tend to read much material that is description heavy, I’d suggest doing so. Try to find works that are still descriptive, but fit with the genres you like to both read and write the best to get you started, but don’t stay there exclusively. It doesn’t need to be something like...let’s say, Tolkien. Not to piss anyone off, I’m not anti-Tolkien or anything, but I could never get into his works, regardless of interest or effort, because they’re so description heavy, and in ways that don’t pique or hold my interest much. So, if you find that you are not into description laden works, that isn’t a poor reflection on you! It’s more likely that you simply aren’t into those specific works, you need to find something that is more of interest to you, personally.

If you do tend to read many works that are descriptive at all, take up a few of your favorites and pick some passages within them that you enjoyed the most. Ones that you could feel. When they described an outfit, you not only saw it, you saw the way it moved on the character, knew what it would feel like to touch it. When they described a setting in nature, you had a sensory experience there as well; you could smell the hyper-specific scent of wildflowers on a warm breeze, or the electric chill of a sudden summer storm moving in.

Ask yourself what does this for you so that you can experiment with doing it yourself. Is it the words, the word flow? Is it what the author isn’t saying, leaving the reader to automatically fill in with their own sensory recollections? There are so many ways of being descriptive in writing, as many as there are writers, and as many as there are things to be descriptive about.

So, it’s, again, a bit of a situation of finding what naturally pulls you into those descriptions yourself. While there are always good rules that can apply across the board with writing, it is a creative art. If you’re only following the rules others have set down, you can end up feeling negative about the process, yourself, and the product...or your readers/RP partners feel like the work is lacking or boring. Even when people can’t quite put their finger on something, forced work feels forced, unnatural, or lacking substance.

Diversify what you consume.

I know, I just said that thing about the familiar stories! Once you’re better able to identify what it is that stands out as evocative to you, though, you can better feel that in unfamiliar works. You can get a better idea of how language itself works as a living thing. Read some things out of your usual genres, ask for recommendations from friends or family who read, check out some older works, and even follow some blogs that post a variety of poetry quotes or full poems.

Reading song lyrics and a variety of other spoken-word style things like slam poetry and rap is helpful as well. They’re all doing the same here, evoking imagery and emotion. That is what you are trying to do as well! These formats, additionally, use highly evocative words to describe in a shortened way. They are great for realizing unique ways that familiar words can be paired.

By going outside of your usual bounds, you may encounter words, writing styles, and other descriptive qualities you hadn’t considered before. If you don’t, you still end up with a fuller grasp on writing itself. Everything is a potential learning experience if you are willing to approach it that way! Use it to play around with words and styles, Use this as experimentation, and realize that it is perfectly alright for it not to work out. That’s part of the exercise of finding what works for you; realizing what doesn’t work.

When you have some ideas of what makes you experience the things being described, practice. Pick anything. In fact, incredibly mundane, irrelevant things are perfect for this. If you can describe a sock in good detail, in a way that isn’t either inaccurate or boring, giving it relevance and life, you can describe anything.

Use ask memes and writing prompts, and write them out from your character’s perspective.

Even if you are not writing a first person account, it helps you to use narrative language that the muse might use, or that gives the reader a intuitive feeling for the muse. Don’t try to fill the whole thing up with descriptions. Sometimes, just simplifying is a good thing, and will help more relevant details stand out.

For example, I will often use things in the environment around my muse to help pair with, further denote, and give the reader a feeling for the muse’s emotions, psychological state, and so on. If that muse is in a hectic state, I’m not going to describe something in the environment that isn’t, like a peaceful meadow. I’m going to describe the seeming chaos of some ants in the grass taking apart their food, the erratic seeds or spores on the wind, or the clatter of an old farm truck on the roadway that breaks up the peace of the surroundings.

It’s a very different effect than describing the entire meadow in high detail, in ways that are perceptible to my muse and not, down to a blade of grass or a rock. It then takes over too much of my reader’s imaginative process and agency without giving them anything of nonnegotiable importance about the scene or the muse. Details that reflect a state of internal distress, like the ants, seeds, or truck, then fall by the wayside of this massive scene-setting I’ve done. And, as unfortunate as it is, if you are writing RP especially, your audience is looking for details that are pertinent and impactful. They’re likely to, intentionally or otherwise, skip several paragraphs of descriptions no matter how beautiful they are.

Since you just said “descriptions” and “writing” {nothing wrong with that, I just want to be sure I’m covering as much as possible that might be of help to you}, I’m not sure if you are meaning external descriptions or more internalized, character-driven ones, and not sure if you are writing only RP, only traditional writing, or a combination thereof.

As I said above, using descriptions that reflect things about the muse is useful and interesting, regardless of how or what you are writing. So, even if you were not meaning internalized descriptions, doing the things I’m about to talk about relating to this will still be helpful!

Internalized descriptions include things like: mood, thoughts, memories, and sensory perception.

To do these things any justice, you have to really know your muse, be able to experience things from their unique perspective and not just your own - or just what you wish the reader to experience through them.

If you didn’t have inspiration for the muse, you wouldn’t be writing them, but inspiration isn’t the same as knowing them as well, maybe better, than yourself. To do that, it is a process of learning and experimentation...and practice.

Those memes I mentioned above? Those are useful here, too! It doesn’t matter if it isn’t an ask meme you want to reblog, or if no one sent you anything from it; you can find a variety of memes, save them, and ask yourself the questions.

On sentence memes, or “starter memes,” ask yourself what your muse’s internal reaction to having that sentence said to them would be, how it might externalize (or not), and if these things are true, or just your perception/what you would like to have happen. If you’ve developed this muse from scratch or spent time learning them from canon, you should have some pretty good ideas as to how they’ll feel. Expand on that instinctive or learned idea. Does it change if a different muse or character type says this? Say it is an inflammatory sentence, something accusatory, derogatory, or pushy. Do they react the same way if a loved one says it instead of a stranger? How about a person who is obviously intoxicated, or a person who is under the influence of youth, so to speak? Take that, and write out two different scenarios.

On ask, or “headcanon/development memes,” pick a question and answer it yourself. Just answer it in depth. Now, have your muse answer that question. You may notice that the muse didn’t want to answer as clearly, is lying or omitting things, and/or had other thoughts generated by that question. If you didn’t already do it this way, answer the question again as a story in which your muse goes through those thoughts. Describe their emotions using words that carry the same emotional resonance, not all descriptions need to be lengthy if the right words, right word order, are found for optimum impact on the reader. Write out the thoughts they are having, just as messy as they are naturally having them.

Outside of memes, you have yet more options for helpful exercises that get you in touch with your muse and your writing.

Try out photography and inspiration blogs. Pick a some pictures that drew your attention, and write about them descriptively. Write out how the picture makes you feel, what it makes you think about. Practice not just describing how something looks, but how it would feel to be there. Using the same pictures, write as your muse in the same way. Put them in this scene to give their experiences. It helps you get a grasp on putting impressions and experiences down in creative ways that allow others to experience it the same way, and it helps you more easily step into your muse’s mind and experiences.

Seeing things through your muse’s eyes (through the lens of their life experiences, preferences, biases, emotions, and thoughts) is critical in giving authentic descriptions. To do more of this, you can practice in every day life. Even if you cannot write it out, or write it out yet, you can consciously think as your muse. If your muse was watching this TV show or hearing this song, what would they think? Don’t just answer as, “they would/n’t like it.” Answer as to why they would or would not, what it makes them feel and think. You can continue doing this with your muse’s impressions of different environments and people.

You can even simply contemplate an emotion and how your muse feels and expresses it.

Adding on underlying and overarching emotions to the mix as you go along; emotion, and thought, is complex. We very rarely are only angry, sad, or happy. We are very rarely only thinking of a single thing, and even rarer, thinking of it out of nowhere. It’ll help you identify the way your muse experiences emotion and thought, as well as how best to describe these things.

For example, I write a muse that can easily present as simply being quiet and angry. Additionally, as the character develops, his actions and general behavior can seem to not match well with his overall, genuinely kind nature. It’s necessary for me as a writer to identify where the anger comes from, what its components are; it isn’t just anger. It’s built on the things anger so often is; frustration, sadness, and fear. It gives the reader insight and helps delineate the muse’s expression of “anger.” When the anger is coming more from a place of insulation and protection than it is frustration, it presents differently.

I describe the sensation of the most obvious emotion, the anger, but also the underlying states that have led to it being apparent. How it really feels to be a wounded animal in a corner. I describe an experience or two pertaining to the emotional pain and fear, keep it relevant throughout the text in callbacks (what set him off is related to those experiences in some way, and during or after the experience of anger, those other situations are referenced again). Maybe it is an outright flashback, maybe it is less thematically stated. The descriptions I use, again, of his surroundings-not just his expressions, tone of voice, or movements-denotes that he is in this particular state of mind. He might notice similarities in the environment relating to a previous bad experience, since he is in that mindset, or he might be noticing things in a more critical way than he normally would. Things he might see every day are being processed as hateful in some way; garish or otherwise visually displeasing, might be seen as outright harmful, or even menacing. Bold colors, sharp lines, stand out. Things come into high relief and are painted in large swaths of color, the minute details missing suddenly.

Further, you can think of things that make your own similar state of mind so much worse in these situations. Is there a repetitive sound in the background? Is the person he is speaking with seemingly blowing him off in some way? Is he hungry, tired, thirsty, in physical pain? I then write those things throughout as additional, building irritants. 

Using your personal experiences isn’t a bad thing, I really wish tumblr hadn’t gotten into that mindset. Unless you really have written a 100% self-insert character, they shouldn’t experience things exactly as you do, no. However, you have a basis to go off of already when you are describing their inner life; your own.

Maybe you have never been so wracked with grief that you collapsed, but you have been caught up in a significant loss of some sort that you can build upon. If you can better imagine what your muse’s experience is, you can describe it not only better, but also in a way that reads as legitimate. It’s not a description of grief that you could have gotten from anywhere else, doesn’t have cliché lines in it about grief, such as, “though he was drowning in an ocean of loss, he knew he had to be strong for his friends, so, he put on a brave face.” (There are other issues with that, but that’s a whole other post!)

My point is, you have the tools of accurate inner life within you, and you should use them to build that accuracy in your writing. Again, play with the words and structure, make sure you are building the feelings or otherwise being immersive about them. Keep them throughout the thread, do not have a muse magically become the opposite of what you’ve described because it is no longer convenient, and do not forgo little reminders that the muse feels the way they do, no matter what their actions might be saying.

When you describe your muse’s actions that are being influenced by an emotion, good or bad, use words that evoke the emotion while describing those actions.

If the muse is very sad, do not use words that bring to mind vivacity and passion. Don’t use metaphors that bring to mind those same things. Your muse doesn’t slink like a jungle cat to the table when depressed, but they might move in a daze, like a shadow, or a have to put maximum effort into their every step as though heading to their own execution.

I don’t think anyone should describe, let alone to an extreme, every action their muse undertakes, but when you are imparting these things with emotional tone or thought processes, it really shouldn’t be done. It’s exhausting for you to write, and just as exhausting for your reader, who is very likely going, okay, we get it, she’s angry. Like the descriptions of the surroundings, try to keep it to important and telling actions. You needn’t describe your muse’s every eye movement, but if they are so embarrassed they’re having trouble keeping eye contact, or so annoyed they glare, that is a description you want to add.

Writers never seem to forget facial expressions or dramatic body movements, which is reasonable, considering how visual a species humans are, but quite often forgo tone of voice and word pronunciation entirely. These are great ways to denote what your muse is feeling. Consider how your muse speaks most often, whether they work at proper pronunciation and hiding an accent, or if they simply let their most natural speech flow. Then, consider how different emotions might impact that. I’m not talking about the only go-to many muns on tumblr have, the “my muse speaks -first language here- when angry” thing. I’m talking about your muse entering into any emotion strongly enough to drop crisp pronunciation, outright mess up familiar and easy words, stumble, stutter, or pause. Write emotion into your muse’s speech, and don’t keep it to adding things like, “said angrily.”

That’s telling, not showing, and is the death of descriptive writing of any sort.

Doing any of the above in a document is highly recommended. Not only are you less likely to encounter tumblr eating your drafts as you work on them, you have more freedom to open it up later and play around with the structure. Additionally, writing directly on the platform can be distracting in more ways than just the desire to dash scroll! It can make you feel like you need to be doing what you owe instead, need to be responding to messages, posted memes, comments. Taking it off site feels more like your own space and time for experimentation.

I know this was long, and covered many points (though, it could always use more). So, I’m going to kind of rehash some below!

For learning and inspiration:

read things both familiar and not in order to figure out what sort of descriptions speak to you, then practice doing them yourself

read a variety of works, not just books, and not just new books; oftentimes, the lessons in older books will stand out to you even more for using descriptions that are no longer common. Those lessons still hold, like the very act of using common, highly recognizable objects and settings to describe a person, place, or thing. In those cases, see what you can rewrite that would give the same feeling using things that are currently so recognizable

don’t count out things like music and poetry, they flow with emotion and it is imperative that they give emotion and setting in unique ways

use ask/starter memes, pictures, and even common situations occurring around you to experiment with both writing descriptions and getting into your muse’s mindset

think on your own experiences with your environment and emotions

consider how your muse’s perceptions may change based upon thoughts and emotions, and/or how you can describe the setting to reflect and drive home these factors

really get to know your muse by exploring headcanon memes, giving yourself a refresher on their canon (yes, even if you wrote it), and comparing and contrasting your experiences with your muse’s on the same topics

experiment with new words, their use, and their flow

seriously, practice! Outside of writing you intend for anyone else to ever see!

Things to Remember:

you are unique as a person, therefore, you are unique as a writer...and that is a good thing, you just need to find what works for you

describe things that are important in setting the scene in ways that are not just visual; be emotive, and pick things that have bearing on the immediate topic

don’t forget that your muse’s voice and spoken words use can, and should be, impacted by thoughts and feelings

just like you, your muse is unlikely to see the same objects in the same light under any manner of strong emotional influence

also just like you, who is saying something and in what context is extremely important in how your muse reacts internally and how that is presented externally; if your muse feels and reacts the same way no matter the other party, they’re a little cardboard and you’re not being descriptive or thoughtful enough

listen, if you just really need to describe something utterly irrelevant to live another second? That’s fine, but you need to make it relevant. Perhaps, your muse noticed the cracks on that rock because they’re in an altered state - be that by way of a substance, or an emotion

there is a reason why we use clichés, and I am not going to say they should never be used, just that you should try to be more creative with them, and they should always be viable ones that truly match the mood

the same is true of words, we have some words that are just so commonly expressive of sensations and emotions that they come up quite often, but again, try to find something similar if possible, and always make sure it’s still evoking the right thing

I repeat: get in touch with your muse, even if you do not write them from first person. The language you use as a writer to describe them and their world is better if it feels like them

no support for tumblr’s anti-wordiness, but huge support for optimizing word use for maximum impact

to that end, if you’re a RPer, even a fic writer, please know that your desire to write descriptively isn’t going to be appreciated by some people. That’s their fucking loss, and you are better off without them. You will find the audience that will properly appreciate what you’re doing!

I hope some of this helped to give you some starting points you might not have thought of!

[psychotic-spectrum]

Hi! My therapist mentioned me might having Schiziod or "being" it, which has left me quite confused. To help, I do basically fall into the components of psychosis, delusions, and derealization, and also erratic moods that basic depression meds can't really work off of. I'm unsure if she meant Schiziod personality disorder, or having a 'type' of schizophrenia, can I ask what the major differences are?. Sorry if this makes no sense.

Hi anon!

I found this answer on Quora about the difference between Schizophrenia and Schizoid Personality Disorder that I wanna share

Schizo, schism, split

The schizo part of Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) and Schizophrenia means split. In both SPD and Schizophrenia that split is from reality but in entirely different ways.

Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder (or group of disorders) marked by severely impaired thinking and behavior.

People with schizophrenia suffer from hallucinations and delusions; both are mental processes that contradict reality. Hallucinations are perceptions of things that are not there. Delusions are beliefs that contradict accepted reality or rational arguments.

Keep in mind that hallucinations are not imagined. When we imagine seeing a friend who we haven’t seen in a while and the possible conversation we will have with them, we use entirely different parts of our brains than when we finally do see them and speak with them.

When a Schizophrenic hallucinates speaking to someone or seeing something, the parts of their brain that fire are the same parts of our brains that fire when we experience actual events. The Schizophrenic believes what they are experiencing is very real. This inability to decern what is real and what is not is called psychosis.

Most people with Schizophrenia go through childhood without any sign of their psychosis. It isn’t until they are in their teens or twenties that these hallucinations and delusions become noticeable to others around them. At this point, many are taken to a doctor and are likely diagnosed.

Some people can incorporate their psychosis into their lives well into their thirties and forties. These people are generally exceptionally bright people. There is a movie (and a book) based on Nobel Prize Laureate, in mathematics, called A Beautiful Mind, that tells the story of one such person.

The exact cause of Schizophrenia is not known. Genetics seem to play a role; research shows that you have a 10% chance of having the disease if a first-degree relative has it, and a 40% chance if your identical twin has Schizophrenia. The structure of the brain might also be a cause, Schizophrenics have altered brain connectivity compared to healthy subjects. There is also evidence that an overload of the neurotransmitter dopamine might be the cause.

Most people with Schizophrenia require medication to treat their psychosis and are likely to need some form of anti-psychotic the rest of their lives. It is common for Schizophrenics to need some type of social support; psychotherapy and social skills training as well.

Schizoid Personality Disorder is one of ten personality disorders, in Cluster A, odd or eccentric thinking.

People with SPD tend to spend a lot of time in a daydream state. People with SPD do not have any psychosis or psychotic breaks. They are quite aware of what is real and what is not. Those with SPD tend to prefer their daydream inner life to most interactions with others in the real world. They tend to be loners and might be socially awkward.

People with SPD don’t have psychosis so rarely have mandated treatment. Most people with SPD feel content with who they are and thus do not seek treatment on their own. For these reasons, there is much less data on people with SPD than any other personality disorder. A few of the symptoms of SPD are;

A flat affect; tending not to show emotions or a look of disinterestDisinterest in forming close relationshipsDisinterest in sexual relations with others, preferring masturbationIndifference to both praise and criticismDeep feelings for animals

Covert or Secret Schizoids are people with SPD who have learned how to swim the social waters.

Covert Schizoids have not been cured or overcome their SPD, they have merely learned how to mask their behavior to live in the social world without confusion or trouble.

This behavior is called wearing a mask. Though it isn’t behavior that is natural to people with SPD, the Secret Schizoid’s mask requires practice and concentration, and always will, it can ease the concern of loved ones and most importantly enable the Secret Schizoid to get what they want from others, whatever that might be. The fact that the Secret Schizoid thinks about their behavior with others, in every encounter, makes them pleasant, polite and ironically well liked.

So, basically, a person with Schizoid personality disorder might isolate themselves and have flat affect, but they don’t suffer from psychosis. If you do suffer form psychosis, you might wanna ask your doctor if this is the right diagnosis for you, because then antidepressants only might not work and you may need different tyoe of medication.

Hope this helps.

[mbti-notes]

Hi, thanks for the insightful blog. I know this might be a personal question, but I saw the post where you mentioned once about your first relationship once so I'm curious about your relationship status currently. If you are willing to share more, what types have you dated before and what have your experiences with them taught you and did you suffer from underdeveloped Fe in your relationships while you were younger? Thank you!

I don’t mind getting personal if I think it will be helpful but I don’t like to reveal personal details that might make it easy to identify me in real life. I had some Fe adjustment issues in my teens. I had a hard time fitting in socially for a variety of reasons, some that were out of my control. I preferred to focus on school and getting ahead, so I wasn’t building the social network I needed, and I didn’t really know how since high school kids aren’t exactly great at relationships in general. I was a late bloomer in many ways, I didn’t get into a serious relationship until 18. I was horribly inexperienced but I dated someone a couple years older and it lasted a few years. I’m not sure what type that person was as memory has faded, I can be sure of ST. This person was nice, accommodating, affectionate, matter-of-fact, competent, a good problem solver. Their best quality for me was their willingness to take criticism and improve. This made it very easy for me to express my feelings or concerns, therefore, my trouble was often just being unable to clearly identify what my feelings or concerns were in the first place. We were very close on every level. But I had low self-awareness, I didn’t know what I really wanted and, no matter what I got/achieved, it didn’t seem good enough, but this person was accepting and never once bitched about me being uptight or erratic. Thinking back, there was literally nothing wrong with them, I think I helped them improve as a partner in some small F ways, so I guess whoever they’re with now is benefiting from that, lol. But, considering it was the first serious relationship, I think I chose well insofar as I chose a kind and compassionate person. I think my dissatisfaction with the relationship was simply attributable to N v S differences (though I didn’t understand it at the time), I wanted more out of life than the conventional path, I cared more about work/career/future than they did, I was seeking something that couldn’t be found in the relationship through no fault of theirs. We broke up very amicably and remained friends for awhile until contact naturally petered out due to physical and emotional distance. 

After that, I avoided relationships for a long time because I felt as though I had really bungled everything. I was confused about a lot of things, which is an Ni thing. Fe wasn’t the direct issue, though it did need work simply because of inexperience. I’m conflict avoidant but not excessively so (though some of my friends might disagree with that), mostly because I’m lazy. When it comes to starting arguments, I usually visualize how emotionally taxing it would be if it goes on and on, then I don’t bother or I look for another way to resolve the issue. I was argumentative as a kid because I had poor impulse control when I was stressed/anxious about something (Se grip). Due to positive social influences, I’ve always been into learning about things “in theory” which included relationships. I took classes in social psychology and relationship psychology, read numerous books about how to grow and develop intimacy in relationships, which I guess was weird at 20. I got my book recommendations from experts in the field and they were often surprised to learn I was reading them purely for personal interest; apparently people only read such books after a lifetime of pathetically bungling every relationship, lol. I understood in theory how to maintain a decent relationship, though it’s not always easy to put theory into practice of course. I gave myself leeway to learn through trial and error. I don’t find it hard to quickly form a connection with someone, what’s hard is, when you’re an adult, everyone has their own thing going and combining your bubbles is a logistical challenge.

I switched career plans several times as my priorities changed (as I got to know myself better) and I had some problems with my family that needed working out, so there was a lot going on and I didn’t really have space in my life for serious romance for many years. I took some time to simplify and reduce stress in my life. I had a few almost-relationships, things that had potential but never ended up going anywhere. If there was a pattern in the people I guess it was mostly ESPs who won my attention, because they were easygoing and easy to be with, uncomplicated and fun, which was what I needed. I am generally not one to initiate romantic contact because I am not easily romantically attracted to people, I don’t tend to visualize that sort of thing, so everyone on my radar is automatically labeled as “friend”. But occasionally someone is interested in me and approaches me, then I start thinking about it and say “why not?” Even though they were almost-relationships, I still learned a lot. ESPs had a hand in teaching me how to chill, how to get more in touch with my Se, why overthinking sucks and is not something to take pride in. The work-oriented side of my life was often dominated by Ns, so I went S in my personal life (it’s easy because they’re everywhere). I had a few romantic prospects in the N world and, to be honest, I mostly learned from them what my flaws were because the things that bugged me about them were my own undesirable qualities, no surprise, which served as a wakeup call that further self-improvement was needed. My relationship philosophy is that you can learn something from anyone as long as you’re humble and both willing to put in some time, so I try to approach everyone with that mindset regardless of what type they are.

[siderealtaurus]

Can u describe me:) I'm a Pisces sun square Pluto, Capricorn moon and Capricorn Venus( both conjunct Neptune and square Saturn), Pisces Mercury + Mars, and Taurus rising(with Pluto in 7th)!

I’m sorry I answered this so late, I don’t get many asks and when I do it’s always a lot in one question so I had to decipher how I would explain yours lol.

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Pisces sun square pluto makes for someone very interested in the ethereal, mysticism, the supernatural, and many things related. You may be very religious or, on the other hand, you may be a very firm believer in science, metaphysics, or really any type of belief system or philosophical system. You might also look heavily into these things, and I’m sure you do since here you are asking me about astrology! Astrology probably intrigues you a lot and you try to use it to better yourself and get a further grasp on who you are as a person and who you can be. This aspect can also indicate an inclination to being alluring and attractive to many.

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You might be a bit of a looker, even if you don’t realize it. Here in this aspect, there is also a struggle with finding one’s place/purpose in life. Sun square Pluto: Ego of one’s true self versus the spirit hidden beneath the surface of the ego. You might have conflicting patterns of behavior or erratic obsessions with things that come close to your ego and your mentality as a person. You might be very oversensitive at times. You fear these possible attacks on your ego and go on the defense to protect it; you can be unconsciously destructive in personal matters, such as relationships or friendships (especially since your Pluto is in the 7th). It’s better to take control of these tendencies by being more understanding of the fact that not everyone and everything is against you or the things you do.

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You are actually probably a very bright and intellectual person, as a Pisces sun square Pluto (in the 7th) is constantly looking for new truths to balance out what they feel is missing in their life. You should take your ability to constantly be intrigued and curious by many things and use it to your advantage (as a means to stop your destructive ways).

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And so you have Capricorn in the moon and Venus and, I’m assuming, also Neptune (it’s possible for a conjunction to be out-of-sign so I will tread carefully with this placement as you didn’t specify if it was also in Capricorn) . This makes you a very sensual person who is in tune with their emotions. To others, you might be very emotive and very attractive. Your sense of style and your feelings go together well. When you dress, you dress to impress and know how to match your clothes to your current feelings that day. Having a triple conjunction between Moon Venus and Neptune can make someone very popular or at least very well liked by those they come across. This is because you are your truest self (calmly emotive from the moon, elegantly sensual from the Venus, ambitiously inspirational from the Neptune) quite often and that pulls people towards you. They see you stick to your Capricorn-like values in many aspects of your life and they admire this. With moon and venus square Saturn (I’m guessing it’s in aries?) you sometimes find conflict in expressing your ambition and your flair for dramatics. Even though you can be very emotive and thoughtful, you might have developed this a bit later in life than you would have liked. Maybe you have a hard time giving emotion and thoughtfulness back to others; they can see that you are trying but it’s just not coming out how you would like. You might be a bit pessimistic in relationships, destructive even. You might just purposely look for something bad to happen so you can blame someone or something for something that probably never even happened. In general, you are very sensitive to the way people respond to you. ☁️

Pisces Mercury and Mars might be very argumentative or self-destructive in their speech. Do you pick fights/look for fights? You might be very “matter of fact” about things but also get frustrated with your words very easily. You want to say very loud and proud things that resonate with the masses and send a shockwave of “hey, pay attention to this and do something about it” through them (because you’re a Pisces and Pisces babies love causing a commotion in society lol) but it doesn’t always go to your plan. You have a very…blurry way of speaking. Maybe you ramble a lot? I’m no sure, you may go off topic a lot or tend to forget what you’re saying or maybe you’re a very good speaker who stays on topic but your actual words get jumbled up in your head easily. There is just something “off” about your speech pattern and sometimes it hinders you from saying what you really want to. You might curse when you need to make some noise and catch attentions. When you can, you are very commanding and authoritative in your speech. You like to be heard and you like being responded to.

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Taurus rising means you are Trine the moon, venus, and possibly Neptune too. Wow how beautiful are you? Lol. Again you’re probably very sensitive too. You’re very in tune with the beauty of the world around you and very passionate about the smallest things. With all of that Earth and Water in your chart, you are probably very elegant and cordial to people who can help you out in life (or at least try to be).

Thanks for asking! 💚