#i tend to share stuff because I always feel like it's nice to know the people behind the blog. even if it's just a little

[eastofedean]

It's because I saw you posting (I think it was last night?) about how you wanted the traditional things in life basically (I can't remember exactly how you said it) and this morning I've seen a couple posts that I didn't fully comprehend, which has happened a couple times in the last few weeks since I followed your blog. And that might be totally on me and my worrying isn't necessary at all. I think I worry too quickly. Sorry if that is the case here, which it seems to be from what you're telling me now. Glad to hear you're actually doing better. Have a nice day!!

ah yes, I was joking about wanting to dream about a little house and a dog and a wife (or like..not joking, but jokingly saying that i bet be dreaming about it if that makes sense?). but idk... I don't think that's something to be ashamed of or something worth worrying about either. it's a silly little thought because why not wish for a cozy apple pie life? that doesn't mean I am solely fixated on that idea, but I also feel like I have to explain/defend myself here. I am sorry if I made you worry, that wasn't my intention. the last thing I want is to stress people out. you guys shouldn't feel like that from following me, I don't want to make people's lives worse by sharing things/thoughts. don't apologize for your feelings, anon. they are valid and if there is something I don't want is for people to feel bad because of me.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese BL Starter Pack

It’s been awhile since I dropped a rec list, so I am here today to share one that is very near and dear to my heart—a Japanese bl primer for those who are new to the jbl game. I created this for @neuroticbookworm to help her on her journey when she decided she wanted to start getting into Japanese works. The fandom (on Tumblr and generally) tends to focus primarily on Thai shows because they are the easiest to access for international fans, since Thailand is working its way toward world domination via ql media and wants us all to be able to watch. But there is a lot of great stuff to watch beyond the easy access Thai channels, and Japan is the country where this genre originated, so its shows are important for anyone who considers themselves a bl fan. Japan doesn’t cater nearly as much to the international audience so tracking down the shows sometimes takes some ingenuity and can-do spirit, but that’s part of the fun!

And so, the list! Bookworm is about halfway through it and having a ball, so I figured it was time to stop hoarding it and share it with anyone else who would like to dip their toes into jbl and isn’t quite sure where to start. A few notes: 

I am not here to teach you about the deep roots of the jbl genre or give you a primer on yaoi manga. I am by no means an expert and there are other places to find that information. Start here with this great post by @nieves-de-sugui and then maybe wander over to @absolutebl to read up more on the evolution of the genre.

This list is by no means an exhaustive accounting of every important Japanese bl ever made; it is simply a nice sampler platter of the cream of the crop among various styles you will find in jbl. Watching through this whole list will not only expose you to some fantastic shows, but also give you a sense of what makes jbl unique and how the country’s style differs from others, and point you toward the types of jbl you’ll like most (they tend to put shows in pretty specific style and tone lanes and once you find the ones you like there are lots more where that came from). 

If you’re coming to this post as a jbl lover and you don’t see your favorite here, I promise it’s not because I don’t love it very much; I simply had to make some choices to get this down to a reasonable shortlist. Feel free to leave extra recs for others to find! 

I’m putting these in a loose suggested watch order that will take you through the various jbl lanes in a kind of popcorn style, because I always think it’s good to change it up so you don’t get too stuck in one mode, and it works its way up to most of the extremely Japanese stuff (you will know what that means by the time you finish). But do what’s in your heart and change up the order if you want, friends, I am not the boss of you! 

Cherry Magic (Crunchyroll or grey)

gif by @liyazaki

I believe everyone on Tumblr is pretty familiar with this one, which is not a coincidence—this is one of the most accessible jbls. Not in terms of actual access to watch it, mind you (we’ve all jumped through shady internet hoops to watch it) but in terms of its content and style. Cherry Magic is a classic workplace romcom with a magical twist, and it is charming af. It’s a great exemplar of Japan’s light and zippy comedy lane for bl—a lane in which, importantly, the romances stay chaste even when the actual plot is about sex, or lack thereof. My friend @waitmyturtles would kill me if I didn’t make sure you know that Cherry Magic also has a lovely follow up film. And bonus: there is now a Thai remake airing so if you watch the original you can get in on the discussion about the different adaptations between countries. This is pretty easy to find these days in all the usual places, but I strongly recommend watching it here.

Old Fashion Cupcake (Viki)

gif by @liyazaki

Moving on to a slightly more mature workplace romcom. Old Fashion Cupcake, another Tumblr favorite, is an age gap boss-subordinate romance, and it’s both very adult and somehow wholesome af at the same time. Sure, there is a lot of carnal desire going on here, but there is also a lot of wooing via fluffy pancakes. It’s a tight five episodes and a fantastic example of what Japan, with its extreme technical precision in writing, directing, editing, pacing, and acting firing on all cylinders, can do in two hours. There’s not an ounce of flab on this thing and you’ll want to watch it over and over again.

Utsukushii Kare (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Time to get a little weird! Weird is a key feature of Japanese media, and lots of jbls explore unusual relationship dynamics rooted in complex psychology. This is the first show on the list that will likely feel very Japanese if you’re new around here—my advice is to lean into it and finish the show, even if you get uncomfortable along the way. In Japanese media, discomfort always serves a purpose. This is a high school story with a twisted relationship at its center, and I’m not saying any more than that. Don’t spoil yourself and go watch it! This one also comes with two sequels—one short second season and one movie—that continue from the original story. They are less essential but still excellent.

I Cannot Reach You (Netflix)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Next up, another high school tale, but with a totally different vibe. This show is kind of a revelation in its willingness to tell a story about overwhelming desire—including sexual desire—with young protagonists. It’s rooted in a classic but often misunderstood trope, friends to lovers, and takes the angst of it seriously, giving us a low stakes story that feels extremely high stakes to our leads. It’s also gorgeous and uses a classic Japanese visual style (bokeh) that you’ll be dying to learn more about. 

His (Viki)

gif by @gabrielokun

Time for a break from high school, and we’ll sprinkle in a movie for some added flavor. His is a jbl film featuring a second chance romance between a stoic, introverted man who moves to a remote town to start over, and his ex-boyfriend who follows him there unexpectedly, adorable child in tow. Importantly, this movie does not take place in what we often refer to as the “bl bubble” where homophobia doesn’t exist; the leads’ experiences of being gay men in a homophobic society are hugely important to the plot and themes of the story. It’s a beautiful film and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. @bengiyo would surely also like me to tell you that this film follows a brief prequel show called His: I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love about the characters originally meeting in high school; I do not think it’s really necessary to watch it but completists can start there.

The Pornographer series (Gaga)

By now you should be ready to get into some classic Japanese fucked up psychosexual material, right? Right! The Pornographer series is told in five installments in this order:

The Novelist, a six episode miniseries

Mood Indigo, a six episode prequel series

Spring Life, a 15 minute short

Pornographer: Playback, a two hour film

Spring Life Continued, a 15 minute short

Confused by that distribution model? So say we all; sometimes Japan likes to make us work for it to make sure we really appreciate its many gifts to us. The story across these installments is about a very difficult to love protagonist, what makes him the way he is, and the also-unhinged-but-in-a-different-way man who finally gets through to him. It’s an extremely satisfying love story and one of the best character arcs I have ever seen, full stop. For this one, you’ll want to just pull the word problematic out of your pocket and store it in a drawer; nearly everything that happens in this story is problematic and that’s the point. Lean in! All of these installments except for the film are on Gaga, if you get that far hmu and I will supply you with the final puzzle piece.

Our Dining Table (Gaga)

You could probably use a break after those last two, so it’s time to shift over to a heart-tugging twofer: family trauma mixed with the cutest shit you’ve ever seen. ODT is an example of another classic type of Japanese show: the food drama (you will see the GOAT in this category at the end of this list). In Japanese culture, food is love, and the act of preparing food for your loved ones is a common path to romance. You’ll love this story about an isolated office worker who meets a pair of brothers, learns to cook as a way of connecting with them, and begins to heal from his own trauma as a result. The image above is a scan from the manga, which @troubled-mind curates to make extremely cool comparison sets like this one. Many jbls are faithful adaptations of yaoi manga source material, so it’s good to have a bit of familiarity with them.

Minato’s Laundromat (Gaga)

gif by @liyazaki

Japanese media loves to explore taboo, and often manages to do it in a way that is surprisingly light and chaste. This is an age gap romance between a teenager and his adult neighbor that explores internalized homophobia, emotional repression, and falling in love across seemingly impossible social chasms. It’s also a great example of old school yaoi seme-uke dynamics that still show up across the bl genre. Also, take my advice: end your journey with this one with the first season and just pretend season 2 doesn’t exist.

Eternal Yesterday (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Remember what I said about weird? Time to do that again, but with a heaping dose of grief and pain on top. It’s not a spoiler to tell you this show involves a major character death; a major character death is, in fact, the root of the entire story. This is a magic realist tale of first love turned tragic, and it will hurt and heal you. It is one of my favorite dramas of all time.

Restart After Come Back Home (Gaga)

And now for a break for your poor exhausted brain. This film is basically the jbl version of a Hallmark original movie, about a city boy who goes back home to the country and falls in love with a total sweetheart while working together on a farm. Enjoy it, bestie, you’ve earned it! 

Tokyo in April Is… (Gaga)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

You’ve probably noticed by now that emotional repression and failed communication are big themes in Japanese works. This second chance romance has plenty of both, and it’s a great example of a kind of muted emotional style that Japan does so well, where the surface of the story seems almost placid and calm even as deep emotion roils underneath. This one (and Eternal Yesterday above) are part of a special line up of jbls on Japanese channel MBS called Tonku (Drama) Shower. The shows air one after another in the same time slot on Fridays (in Japan, perhaps Thursdays for you depending on where you live) and you truly never know what you’re gonna get, but they’re all interesting. Warnings on this one for sexual assault and trauma. 

The End of the World With You (Viki)

Time for sexy and weird again, but even more so! This has to be one of the most unique bls ever made; it goes to some truly divine and strange places, and it feels incredibly queer while doing it. Made by the same screenwriter/director of the Pornographer series with a lot of the same sensibilities, but in a more heightened apocalyptic setting. This one has existential angst, a road trip, a redemption tale, and a variety of interesting side characters in the mix.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? (Gaga)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Congratulations, you’ve reached the end of the list and your reward is watching one of the best bls of all time, and a perfect slice of life food drama to boot. WDYEY now has two seasons (along with a couple specials and a movie that fall in between) because the universe clearly loves us. You can now get it on Gaga for easy access but I’m partial to the versions over at @kinounaniresource for better subs. Wherever you watch, settle in to get cozy with Shiro and Kenji and make sure to always eat before you hit play.

[ghxstmxchine]

ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟɪɴɢ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴄʟᴏᴛʜᴇꜱ

☆ ᴀ/ɴ: letting myself be a teensy bit self indulgent on my first post bc this is my favorite thing ever. super excited to start posting more on here!

☆ ᴅᴇᴛᴀɪʟꜱ: SFW // includes: Miles, Hobie, Miguel & Pavitr (x gn!reader) // w.c: 0.8k

ᴍɪʟᴇꜱ ᴍᴏʀᴀʟᴇꜱ

Not the biggest fan of people stealing his clothes especially when everything he owns means so much to him, but when it comes to you, he’s always willing to make exceptions

He might be a bit shocked when you show up wearing the jacket he’s been tearing his room apart looking for, but he’s quick to reassure you that you can keep it and even wants you to take it

It’s different when it comes to you, he knows it comes from a place of love. You adore him so much that you want at least something of his to keep with you, especially with how busy his schedule tends to be

It’s not a one way agreement though, he most definitely returns the sentiment by taking something of yours. He likes having something that reminds him of you, it makes him feel safer sometimes

Will completely deny that it’s yours whenever you point it out, but his smile is giving him away as you chase him around trying to reclaim your jacket.

“Miles, is that my jacket?” “No? I bought this.” “It’s literally my jacket.” “Okay, then why does it fit me so well? Might as well be mine” “Miles…”

Goes clothes shopping but keeps you in mind while buying stuff

ʜᴏʙɪᴇ ʙʀᴏᴡɴ

Always so quick to compliment how something of his looks on you, He can’t help but be such a flirt and it’s a nice surprise to see something he loves on someone he loves, he has to make sure you know how good you look 

When it comes to things such as his battle vest, he offers to make you one or at least teach you but you stubbornly only take his which he teases you for plenty because you can’t seem to get enough of him

Since you both seem to be sharing it anyways, he’ll let you add on pins or patches that you like. He also never complains if you accidentally tear it because it’s just an excuse to add another patch

When he takes your clothes he’s very loud and proud about it, walking around shamelessly in something you own. (“Don’t I look good? Almost looks better on me, don’t you think love?)

Claims that your clothes are much more comfortable than his but he’s not one to ever care about buying new things so he definitely takes advantage of anything you may have just bought

He’s very careful with your clothes, it’s almost a miracle how he never gets anything (dirt, makeup, blood, etc.) on it. For someone so punk he's so stubborn with keeping your things clean & undamaged

ᴍɪɢᴜᴇʟ ᴏ'ʜᴀʀᴀ

He’s tricky, he’ll be a bit annoyed if it’s anything he needs at the moment but doesn’t complain if it’s anything else. He might make a comment about making sure not to ruin it but with the way he’s looking at you all day, you know he’s all bark and no bite

Flips some possessive switch on in his head and suddenly he’s looking at you like you’re some meal, he gets a lot more touchy when he sees you in something of his but won’t admit it

Even when he asks you to give it back to him by the end of the day, he never pesters you about it again, too busy staring at how good you look

Very, very rarely will ever take anything that’s yours. Half of the time it’s on accident when he’s trying to find something of his in the dark bedroom, and it’s even harder to get him to admit that it’s yours

He’s too scared he’ll ruin something of yours if he gets into a fight, especially since you take such good care of what you steal from him. He’d rather accept small things like bracelets or rings to wear

Make him one of those friendship bracelets and he’ll wear it till it falls apart

ᴘᴀᴠɪᴛʀ ᴘʀᴀʙʜᴀᴋᴀʀ

Will completely gush for hours about how good you look in anything of his. He feels so honored that you chose something of his to wear, especially if it makes you feel comfortable

He just can’t get over it, he’s such a hopeless romantic and you wearing his clothes is automatically so romantic to him. He’s also super quick to offer up something of his if you ever need it

It always smells so good, he takes super good care of his belongings and has a very distinct cologne he wears that rubs off on everything he wears. Also his clothes are super soft, overall they’re very comfortable

He’s not one to take anything without asking, he could be freezing to death and still make sure with you that it’s okay for him to take a jacket. He’s very big on respecting others’ belongings

Wears your jacket with him on patrol sometimes, much like Miles he finds it comforting to have something from you while he’s patrolling, especially on taxing days

Washes and folds everything before returning it to you because he’s just an absolute sweetheart. He’ll let you keep anything of his for as long as you want, he’s not one to complain

[walnutcookie]

I can talk about glisten and looey in the tos au because thats not spoilers giggles. ive been thinkings about them. this isnt about anything specifically im just gonna be yap yap yapping away abt them

since ive been asked before: no ships are canon in this au, but the relationships are intentionally kept vague, so interpret them however youd like! (except for proships.)

FOR CONTEXT: glisten and looey are artists in this au! :] they use silly wacky machines and tools to help them create art, trying to inspire kids to create art themselves while also demonstrating how machines can be useful in the subject of art

glisten and looey mean so much to me aughhfhgh. Two toons who are haunted by how people percieve them. their personalities are so different but i feel like they share a lot of the same insecurities... In most circumstances i dont think theyd ever be close enough to talk about that with each other, but in this au since the toons were born with the one they were paired with, they all have an extremely close bond with their pairings. they were in such a vulnerable state when they were first created but they were there to help one another adjust, and they spend most hours of the day with or near their partner, so they all become pretty inseperable. Because of that, in this au glisten and looey are comfortable talking to each other about their insecurities :] its nice for them to have someone who understands them even if their issues are different

i dont think looey is much of the gossip type, he doesnt do it much with other people but oh BOY when hes with glisten hes a yap machine. they spend hours just yapping about nonsense and drama GNFLFJF painting session and they just yap the whole timeee

They both have issues when it comes to recieving praise for their work - imposter syndrome plagues both of them, and they both feel a little undervalued by guests and their peers for how much effort they put in. glisten tends to put a lot of emphasis on what parts he did specifically in the art he and looey make together. if you insult looeys art he WILL get pissed off and defend his talent, its not that he thinks looey is a bad artist at all but he worries that people will think that looey is a better artist than him and feels like he needs to make sure people know what how skilled he is so that people dont think looey is better than him. There are some underlying competitive feelings but he cant really help it, he knows its not a competiton and tries to fight those thoughts but tis just how his brain works </3. Looey is the opposite of this, where they feel too goofy and unprofessional for his job, and he feels inferior in comparison to glisten whos charismatic and dresses well and talks so confidently about his art ,,, (to specify i dont think one is exactly better than the other! i dont know exactly what their art would look like, im still thinking abt it, but its less that one is better and more that theyre both more skilled in different aspects of art, which is part of why their pieces they work together on look so good.)

glisten does looeys makeup along with his own every morning >:] being a painter hes just good with brushes in general so every morning he wakes up, puts his makeup on, and then puts matching makeup on looey hehehe,,, he dislikes looeys sense of fashion but try as he might he cant help with that part GBDLFNFK. (Looey never likes the clothes glisten dresses them up in, it doesnt feel like him. glisten always has to dress elaborately so he feels professional but looey doesnt feel professional in the Slightest so it feels too fake to dress that way. they feel silly in the Bad Way not the looey silly way)

I think the actual classes they teach would probably have like a bunch of art desks where kids can mess around with a bunch of tools and gadgets to help them make straighter lines and circles and stuff, maybe those cool desk tops that spin yknow... Theyd show off the bigger tech they use to make their own elaborate art too like in the second photo above but maybe theyd also give kids a step-by-step on how to draw one of the toons, similar to the animation studio classes at disneyland if you know what i mean ? I can imagine theyd both be super supportive towards the kids too teehee,, glisten would praise their artwork like it was made by picasso and then looey would jump up and down and call it awesomely terrific. I havent thought much about how each class would work ngl

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

I'm not sure whether your request box is open or not, but if you do, I want to drop an idea

How about ot8 sleeping habit?

Thankies!

🧠🫶🏻

hehe this was fun... this is all my own personal opinion, not facts or based on anything specific

Bangchan

Sleeps like a Dad- he is ready to wake at any moment, ranging from a faint noise to a kitchen fire. (Most definitely not caused by Felix or Seungmin...)

Usually passes out mid writing session, with his notebook or laptop within arms reach

One of those is most likely being used as a makeshift pillow

Loves to sleep facing outwards on his side, arm tucked under his pillow (or laptop or notebook or other arm because lets be real he probably isn't aslepp in bed)

Likes sleeping outwards because it makes him feel safer, like he could easily spring into action if needed

Rarely moves when he falls asleep from pure exhaustion.

If he falls asleep on normal accord, he moves like a madman

Has a secret stash of hoodies he uses only for sleep

But even then...he likes sleeping naked. Only wears clothes if he's not sleeping at home. (dude literally walks around naked...)

Lee Know

Sleeps like royalty. Perfect posture. Doesn't move.

His cats tend to join him, claiming half the bed, and he does not mind that at all

If his cats don't join him, he'll let out little pspspsp's until at least one comes (and if none of them come he will go to sleep grumpy)

Prefers absolute silence, but if he is tired enough he'll sleep through an earthquake

Tends to sleep talk, but denies vehemently that he does (he knows he does, and he knows its mostly him mumbling about choreography)

Likes to throw his sheets in the dryer to warm them up when he is feeling fancy

Usually takes a while to fall asleep

Wakes up at least once a night

Usually its because he gets a paw up a nostril

Changbin

Likes to be surrounded by plushy comfy stuff

If he is sharing a bed, radiates warmth and tends to be clung to like a teddybear (he is NOT complaining about that)

He snores, but gets embarrassed if someone mentions it

Always has to shower before bed

Lots of thinner blankets (for some reason he gives me the type to love to be warm but hate comforters?)

Overheats easily thus why he loves the thin blankets he can peel back (he just seems like a warm bodied person)

Likes falling asleep to music but will get really upset if he wakes up with it still on

Seems like he's have a nightlight ngl, not because he is scared of the dark, but because he genuinely can't see for shit in the dark

Wakes up to go pee like three times a night because he'll drink a ton of water (and still continues to drink it even though he just went to the bathroom)

Also occasionally loves a midnight snack

Hyunjin

Dramatic sleeper. Dude is sprawled out everywhere yet somehow it looks artistic

Has to put his hair up or else it will be frizzy in the morning

Tosses and turns because he dreams vividly, often about very random things

Needs the room to smell nice- candles or an essential oil diffuser is a must (typically uses a scent that aids in sleep or health, like lavender or mint if his head hurts)

Opposite of Binnie- he gets cold really easily and needs all the extra comforters he can get

Loves doing before bed skincare. Its almost ritualistic for him. (it helps soothe him)

Like how he has a set routine for skincare, he has a set routine for sleep. Goes to bed and wakes up at the same time everyday

Or at least he tries to. He tends to sleep in a lot on the weekends due to staying up late painting throughout the week

Sometimes, he'll paint things he sees in his dreams (usually pretty abstract)

Jisung

Falls asleep wherever and whenever. No questions asked (has been found by numerous staff just snoozing around the jype building)

Occasionally its due to complete burnout, but usually its just because he likes sleeping

He also tends to have really vivid and random fever dreams (once dreamt of Felix being eaten by a Cheerio and wouldn't allow him to eat cereal for a week)

He talks in his sleep. Full on conversations that don't make sense 97% of the time.

When its actually time for him to go to bed, he has a specific set up for his pillow and singular plushie he needs (one pillow on the right side of the bed, then the plushie and then the second pillow on top of his head as he sleeps- don't ask its just what he needs)

Tends to kick off all of his blankets during his slumber, usually waking up with just his plushie on the bed, both pillows and all covers trashed on the floor

But if someone else is in the bed dude is as stiff as a rock

Usually falls asleep to funny videos, since it helps quiet his mind

Unfortunately, that means he laughs a lot in his sleep which is a bit creepy (scares the shit outta people)

Sometimes things are so funny he'll wake up from laughing so hard.

Felix

Sleeps like a literal baby. Quiet and still.

Enjoys soothing sounds like rain or waves to go to sleep.

Rarely snores

Sometimes wakes himself up with soft giggles (usually its because someone cracked a joke in his dream)

People sleeping next to him say he radiates a calming warmth. Like sleeping next to sunshine.

He usually hugs something while he is asleep, a pillow or a plushie (changbin body pillow ?????)

Likes falling asleep to the room being chilly, but needs it to be warm or else he refuses to leave bed

Meaning he needs to get up in the middle of the night to turn off the fan.

He is the type to "accidentally" steal blankets (he does it on purpose 100%)

Seungmin

The most disciplined sleeper; sticks to a consistent bedtime and wake-up routine no matter how busy his schedule is.

Prefers sleeping on his back with perfect posture, almost as if posing for a photoshoot.

Rarely moves in his sleep, waking up in nearly the same position he fell asleep in. (sometimes its a bit creepy)

Needs complete silence and will actively seek out a quieter spot if his surroundings are noisy.

Hates feeling too warm while sleeping; he often cracks a window or adjusts the thermostat.

Keeps his bed tidy with just one pillow and a light blanket. (its gets too stuffy with too much stuff on the bed)

Occasionally hums softly or sings a lullaby under his breath before falling asleep.

Gets annoyed by anyone who wakes him unnecessarily and isn’t shy about showing his irritation. (jisung is usually the one to wake him up with excited screaming- tied with changbin)

Wakes up refreshed and ready for the day, often teasing others about their grogginess.

Jeongin

Sleeps face down with his arms hugging his pillow tightly, often burying his face in it. (dude is literally close to suffocating himself, more often than not chan rolls him over)

Snores loudly but adorably, puffing his cheeks out as he exhales a snore that sounds like a 6.0 magnitude earthquake.

Loves being bundled up in a mountain of blankets, even if he ends up half-buried under them (again with the suffocation, he stresses chan out)

Wakes up with his hair sticking out in every possible direction, but it is heartachingly cute.

Talks in his sleep occasionally, mumbling random things (most of the time one of his Hyung's names comes up followed by an evil giggle, leaving them paranoid about what their precious maknae is plotting)

Kicks off the covers in his sleep but then immediately searches for them when he gets cold.

Prefers sleeping with the lights off but needs his phone nearby to check before bed.

Wakes up easily if startled but can fall right back asleep like nothing happened.

Usually wakes up groggy but his mood instantly changes at the mention of breakfast (which he finishes in about 4 bites max)

@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha

@iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @seungmincenteric

@panbish-1209 @fxiry-vtt @sseawavee

@shuporanporang @amarecerasus @softkisshyunjin

@whoa-jo @meanergreener @rikibun

@ayyonoona @shinywombatcrusade @y4yayael

@skzstan12345 @mariteez @allys-reads

@jazziwritesthings @skzstannie @yongbokkiesworld

@kkkeopi @neverendingstay @moony-9

@minsungsthirdwheel @everlastingspring143 @joyofbebbanburg

@leezanetheofficial @tr-mha-fan @bubbly-moon

@night-storm7 @missmajdastark @axel-skz

[cy-cyborg]

We have communities - Writing disability quick tips

So often, stories centred on disabled characters, especially in modern settings, emphasise how lonely or isolated the character is because of their disability, especially if it’s a newly acquired disability or one that non-disabled people assume would have a big impact on our ability to do “fun stuff”. This will often be accompanied by statements of “no-one understands what living with [insert disability here]” is like!

And while isolation and loneliness are things a lot of disabled people deal with, a lot of us are not completely alone either, especially in the modern day.

Just like any group of people with shared experiences, we find one another. Sometimes this is through formal systems; some spinal rehabilitation centres for example, will pair newly paralysed people up with a mentor who’s had a similar form of paralysis for much longer to help guide the person while the adjust to their new disability. Other more formal systems can look like disability sporting organisations - the one I used to work for used to specifically encourage very newly disabled people to join so they didn’t feel like the had to learn everything about their disability alone, or support groups.

Other times though, these communities are much less formal. They may look like online forums, such as the ones on Reddit, built by and for disabled people to talk about their experiences and seek recommendations from others in the same boat, or parts of larger social media sites. For example, on Tumblr, there aren’t really any formal groups, but thanks to the hashtags we use in our posts, we often find one another fairly quickly there. We sometimes also carve out our own little subsections of fandom or hobby spaces, brought together by the shared interest itself, how things like disability might impact the way you interpret or interact with it, and how we can modify it (in the case of hobbies) to make it work for us.

A lot of disability communities, formal or otherwise, also form out of necessity, such as advocacy groups run by and for disabled people, and those built around ensuring the rights of disabled people are protected.

Isolation and loneliness are problems within the disabled community that many of us deal with, but this tends to be more in the context of isolation from the wider public, exclusion from public spaces and events (despite there being laws that are supposed to stop this because they’re often not enforced), disconnect from non-disabled friends and family, etc, most of which are the result of systematic issues or the lack of understanding or care and support from non-disabled people in our lives. Not always, but often.

The communities made by and for disabled people though are often (at least in part) made to help make up for this, and they’re more common than you might think, you just have to know where to look. It would be nice to see more creators reflecting this in their work a bit more often, or at least acknowledging that they are there, even if your character chooses not to engage with them.

However, as a reminder to authors and creatives: These communities, especially the online ones, are for disabled people, they are not there for you to use as a reference as a creator. Some communities are ok with you being there to learn, so long as you listen and don’t try to speak over/bombard their members with questions. Others are not. The ones that are, typically will have something written somewhere if it’s online (e.g. subreddits that accept writers wanting to write disabled characters will often have it written in the “about” section or the rules). There are also dedicated groups and platforms for non-disabled people seeking to learn more about us and our communities, which can be excellent resources for creatives like writers. Just remember to be mindful of where you are and respectful of people’s spaces and boundaries when doing your research.

[kaq3yma]

𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐄 featuring hayato suo

syn: in which your nice, and kind housemate turn to an absolute different person because you gave your lunch to someone else.

⸻ cw: mentions of hayato suo with yandere tendencies, slight hurt, cameo tsubaki-chan, timeskip suo, aged up reader, and not yet proofread

qeena's brief note: (yayyyyy suo won the poll) ellooo, qeena's here with a (kinda) soft yandere! hayato suo (づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡ idk how i did this but uhm okay, decent ig ૮₍´˶• . • ⑅ ₎ა like i said, this fic is not yet proofread so do beware of typos/grammatical errors (i did this for one hour straight, no break + it's currently 2:21 ish (╥﹏╥) this fic is by far by longest fic to write on this acc but i still think it's a bit rush lol, idk how many words cus too lazy to count but it's long, not 5k words long but it's long. i hope my sayang, especially the suo girlies enjoy the fic, thank you, i love you, reblogs and comments are very much appreciated and happy reading xoxo 🩷💚

tags: @reapkusho @yueliie @littleplantfreak @meidiary @megutime @kajibunny @taronyuhunter @iid-smile @petitte-writer @kobunnie @kyanmapng & @w1nterszn (dm me if you want me to remove you from my tag. dm me if you want me to tag you on my next fic)

What would you address a person who cooks for you, iron your clothes for you, help you with chores, and share the same house as you if not your boyfriend? A housemate? Sure... Suo is your housemate and your friend. After you both graduated from school and got enrolled to a university, you and Suo live together for the sake of nothing, simply agreed that it'll be more convenient.

Now, Suo works for himself, he got his own business going around and he prefers to work from home which is why he do most of your tasks for you. You, however, work as an office clerk. Everyday, like usual, you'd wake up and get dressed as Suo ready your lunch box for you "Morning..." You grab your bag and your purse, putting on your shoes and your coat by the porch, waiting for Suo to come "Here, make sure you eat your lunch, alright? Even the vegetables." You look at him, face contorts in a mixture of disgust and reluctance "Sure..." He bids you good bye, one hand behind himself and he watches you disappears.

You continue typing in on your keyboards, busy attending works when your colleague, Tsubakino, came to you "Y/n-chan, still tending works?" You look at the pretty male before you, nodding your head with a pout "Yes, I got loads of them. I don't think I can make up for my lunch." Tsubaki look at you with a pitiful look "That's too bad, this lunch smells so good! Your boyfriend must've put a lot of effort into making it!" Your eyes widen at their absurd assumption "Tsubaki-chan, I told you we're housemates only, there's nothing going on!" They laugh, taking a sit beside you "Really? He takes good care of you, you always look neat and he made you lunches everyday. Even if you both are not in a relationship, I'm sure he has feelings for you~" Tsubaki put with a singsong tone, giggling when you playfully hit their arm.

You look at the neglected lunchbox siting on your desk. You really wanted to eat anything, especially Suo's food but you got so many works to do and you don't think you'll have time to eat "Tsubaki-chan, how about you eat them for me?"

You need not tell Tsubaki twice for them to snatch the lunchbox and open the lid. The immediate aromatic smell lingers in the air, almost make you wanted to yank the box back. You look up front, acting busy with your job, and eyes didn't glance back at Tsubaki as they begin indulge theirselves on the delicious dish.

"I'm home..." You smile, seeing Suo's head peak from the wall "Welcome back, come on, dinner's ready." You saunter to the table, taking a seat for yourself and put your stuff down "What are we having?" Suo only smiled at you, taking your lunchbox bag and put it in the sink "Secret... You'll know when it's ready." You wait patiently, watching him move around the kitchen until he came back with a plate of your favorite food "Suo!" You beamed, looking as excited as ever.

He take a set of utensils for you, smiling once again "Eat a lot, okay?" He pat you on the head before making his way back to the counter. You pick your utensils and begin consuming the tasty food Suo had prepared you.

"Su-" A loud thud and clanking shut you off, your eyes move from your food to his back "What's the mat-" This time, his voice cut you off, he speak in a calm, soft manner but it's quiet and low you can barely make it out if hadn't you hear properly "How unusual..."

"You eat everything, even the vegetables." Crap, did he caught you? Impossible, how could he-

"Never once would you finish your lunch, not with the veggies. You couldn't possibly be giving your lunch to somebody else, would you, Y/n?" The eye-patched man turn around, and he's no longer smiling. He look down at you, amble to your side and lean down "How hurtful, I made them special for you but you gave them to someone else."

"Suo, I..." He stood up, turn around and walk away. Before he does so, he turn his head slightly at you "You should hurry eat and shower. You smell... Different." He walk into his room, almost slammed the door and lock it.

That's the first time he ever got so mad at you. Over lunch? Sounds unreasonable but he did said he made them specifically for you and giving them to someone else does seem a bit disrespectful. You sighed, recontinue to eat your dinner in silent and went up to your room after washing the dirty dishes.

The next morning, you woke e up, shower and get dressed like usual. You went down to the kitchen seeing Suo, making your lunch for you "Good morning," He smile, acting as if nothing happened the previous night. You get your stuff ready, waiting for him until he came "Thanks," Neither of you said anything for a couple of minutes until you remark a "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gave my lunch to another person. I'll make sure to eat them by myself from now on, I promise."

He said nothing, one hand moving upward to stroke your hair and grin "It's alright, you promised... But, make sure this time you eat even the vegetables okay?" The mere mentioned of it stirred a sense of repulsion in you "But..." The male hardened look is enough to make you sighed in defeat.

"I'll try..." He smile, nodding his head in accepting manner and bid you off.

It's been a week since the incident of weird Suo encountered. You talked it out with Tsubakino and they started squealing excitedly, claiming Suo was feeling jealous, overprotective and they even said his behavior is a tendency of a yandere or whatever that means.

You're working on your desk when Tsubakino came up to you, unusually depressed "Tsubaki-chan, what's wrong?" The long-haired male sat down next to you, bottom lip jut out in frustration. Tsubaki started talking about this guy they're interested in and that they needed your help if possible.

Tsubakino plan for a dinner after work and how can you say no to them and their beautiful smile and gleaming eyes. You texted Suo, saying you won't be able to make it to dinner because your colleague wanted to consult about something.

Before you got a reply, Tsubakino started to wish desperately for a "no" reply but all you get was a "OK" sticker reaction from him.

"How boring!" They claimed, hugging your arm affectionately.

The dinner went well, Tsubaki asked every possible questions to you so you can help them with this "Ume-chan" guy. But, one thing didn't go as plan, Tsubakino ended getting so frustrated at some point they can't help but order one alcoholic drink after another. The pretty male couldn't leave you alone either so they got you drunk as well, only thing is, you're not as much as a good drinker as they are. Two cups is enough to knock you light.

Tsubaki help you got out of the place after, carrying you on their shoulder with a tired groan "Y/n-chan. You're such a light drinker!" You giggle at them, hiccuping a few times before passing out once again.

Tsubakino carry you as far as to a nearby stop and put you down, slouching you against the wall and get your phone. They begin scrolling through your contacts, searching for a particular name of somebody until "Suo <3"

"I knew you like him too!~"

"Huh?" Still drunk and wasted, you opened one eye to look around only to realize you're on someone's back "Suo!" You slurred, hugging the man's neck as he carry you "When you wake up tomorrow, you're so done." You giggle, hiding your face in between the nape of his neck "You're being childish, sho cute!~" You're very drunk right now so he'll let you off the hook tonight.

However when you wake up the next morning, you certainly did not expect yourself in Suo's room with him on the side. You tried to got up as sneakily as possible but he caught you, pushing you back to bed "Where do you think you're going?"

"My bedroom?" The male laugh, pushing his hair back and turn to look at you in the eyes "Just what the hell happened last night?" It's scary how sudden his mood can switched. One moment he's alright and the next thing you know is he's angered, eyes cold and facial indiffirent.

"What do you mean? I... I-" He pinned you down, his earrings dangle when he cage you in between his arms and lean down "Would it scares you if I said I don't like you going around with another person? Would it scares you if I said I don't like knowing another person ate the lunch I made for you? Would it scares you if I said I think of bounding you next to me, caging you like a bird so you'll stick close to me? Would it scares you knowing how much I like you... To the point that I'd rather die than losing you?"

People can ask the past you would you ever expect the calm, collected Suo to act so heart-wrenching and deeply saddened and you'd say no. Never in your wildest dream would you expect him to lose himself over you.

This Suo right here does not scares you, if anything, it surprises you. You never know your mere existence could affect one's being so much, much less Suo's. He said he'll die without you around. Is that a good thing? It doesn't sound like it but why is your heart pounding? It's pounding so hard you can hardly breathe. Maybe, it's because you're relief, relieved that he needed you as much as you needed him.

"I'll do anything..." He bury his face in between the crook of your neck "So just stick close to me, never went on dinner without me again. Never consult someone without me again. Never do anything without me, ever again."

"I'm sorry," His eyes widen, they expanded twice it's size when you put your arms around him, tightly embrace him in your warmth. He sought, pushing himself further onto you and hug you as tightly as he could.

You are not mad at him. You are hugging him, you are sorry even though he should be the one who's sorry - for feeding you off with his fake facade. His fake, nice, facade "No, I'm sorry-"

"I hope all pests leave you alone! You're only mine." The maroon-ish brown haired male continue hugging you tightly, sniffing on your sweet like a nectar scent "You sent me off everyday with these kinds of wishes?!"

𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓 is open. all rights reserved goes to @kaq3yma on tumblr.

[inthelibrarybtw]

get to know college!student!reader

college!student!reader who is naturally smart, and loves studying, it can get a little too much because she hates to get less than a B in her classes, in high school she got a C once and almost cried her eyes out (no one knows about this) she’s not a party girl, she’s more into staying in watching a movie with her friends, baking and if she’s alone reading a book. baking usually is like a coping mechanism that shows up around finals and midterms because it becomes stress baking, but sometimes she does it for fun or to have a nice little detail for someone she cares about. 

college!student!reader who is very kind, just don’t provoke her,  hates confrontations but always sets her limits. her anxiety and overthinking can get the best of her, her friends know that and always reassure her when she’s having a bad day which is not that often but when it hits it hits hard. she has a hard time asking for help unless it’s her best friend from high school who sadly doesn’t go to the same college as her or kelce since they know each other since they were practically kids. she tends to cry when stressed, angry or when she’s exhausted and drained. 

college!student!reader who loves taylor swift and everything that anyone could classify as basic but she loves it, picking flowers, reading romance books, watching 90s and early 2000s shows. passionate for art and music, loves to go on walks while listening to music, you can catch her going to museums on her own, usually very independent but loves to spend time with her friends and people she loves, quality time is her number one love language and physical touch is the second even if she doesn’t like to admit it. who barely understands sports but when her friends invite her to football or basketball games, she goes to spend time with them and because they always go out for food afterward. 

college!student!reader who is an only child which has allowed her to have a good relationship with her parents, her high school best friend is like her sister, she loves her friends and respects them a lot. she’s really hard on herself, even if she knows she has people who will be there for her no matter what sometimes she shuts down and doesn’t speak to anyone about what she’s going through, shields herself with reading, and externalizes her emotions on playlists or listening one song on a loop as longs as it fits to how she’s feeling.

college!student!reader who loves to take pictures of everything and share them on her social media, it’s like her digital diary. her major suits her for that reason, digital marketing with a minor in graphic design, to in her words “make everything look pretty”. who is bilingual, her mom taught her Spanish since she was little and she uses it a lot when talking to her family and some friends. who is also very sarcastic, always has a smile on her face and most of the time she won’t verbally say stuff but her face sure will let you know everything before she even thinks about saying it.

authors note: thank you so much for all the love this fic is already receiving!! college!student!reader (aka Avery) is very dear to my heart, she has a lot of bits and pieces that I took from my life and put them into who she is. I hope you guys like her and get more excited to read about her.

taglist: @zyafics @maybankslover @niaunoffical @marleymarleymarleymarley @rafesbabygirlx @akobx if you want to be added send an ask or comment! :)

REBLOGS, COMMENTS AND LIKES ARE ALWAYS WELCOMED

INTHELIBRARYBTW ✧.*

[junos-jrabbles]

Authors note, PT 2 to this ask, because it took me SO long and I feel like I need to do a lil more LOL, sorry if these are a lil unimaginative I do be frying

How would the mercs react to a new member with some questionable behaviour?

Scout

There's GOTTA be somethin’ up with you.

He's sure of it, absolutely COVINCED that someone as maniacal as you can't just be a good person.

He gets the whole “well, the respawn machine!” But he doesn't, he wouldn't go crazy like that, why would anyone?

He's a little nervy around you, gives you a funny look once in a while when you're kind to him, assumes there's some really blatant motive that he just isn't picking up on (there is none).

Shows up outside your room once at night, standing there with that ‘mom I threwed up’ stance just like. “Okay. So. What da hell is wrong with ya?” Hands on his hips, STARING.

“Whaddaya mean it's just a game to ya- pal, look at me, I'm the best player here, y’don’t see me rippin’ their arms off!”

Eventually gets over it, but it takes a while, he's just stubborn. You guys end up best buds and he shares his radioactive ass bonk with you sometimes, usually resulting in a ceasefire as the entire enemy line is annihilated, or you slam into a wall so hard you knock yourself clean out.

~~~

Soldier

Insert the Spiderman pointing at Spiderman meme here

First impressions? Is absolutely enamoured by you. You are on the field what he is when in his crazy naked honeyed up state. A force of violence and INSANE destruction.

Definitely tries to assist you by letting you rocket surf directly into the enemies on pretty much every respawn, much to the chagrin on your Medic, who really does just eventually stop trying to follow you.

He's SO ecstatic to find someone that's loco like him when in the heat of battle, but can be Normal outside of it! He's amazed, definitely asks you if you're American every five minutes, just to make sure you're not one of those nice Canadians (shudder).

“YOU. YOU ARE THE BEST SOLDIER IN THIS HERE PLATOON, MAGGOT! I HAVE NEVER SEEN A DRIVE AS HIGH AS YOURS, I THINK SUN TZU WOULD BE VERY PROUD.”

Sometimes he'll have a rough experience in a fight, and after it's all over, he'll come to you for reassurance and to talk!!! He definitely talks about you with Zhanna often, and you guys all hang out often for little chats over food n drink :)

~~

Pyro

You are one of the few people, who in their eyes, is always very vibrant and exciting to be near.

They absolutely LOVE your energy, your kindness is more than welcome at base, and they love being near you and showing you things they've created (upgrades for their flamethrowers, new melees they've concocted, etc.), and on the battlefield, they're following at your heels lighting the world around ablaze, watching the carnage bloom!

Really, really enjoys baking with you, they love baking and cooking generally, but usually it goes kinda poorly, because they can't smell too well under the mask, and tend to space out and lose track of time. Plus the burnt cookies are always really pretty.

You keep them on track with stuff without being pushy, and they appreciate it!! And sometimes you'll find pictures of really cute animals in library books and photocopy them to show them. :)

~~~

Demo

He's not sure if it's because he's seeing double, that the carnage seems a lot crazier than normal, at first.

Eventually realises that the mayhem in the battlefield is at your hands, and makes a mental note to stay out of your way.

That mental note is tossed away the second you come up to him, giddy with some terrible glee asking him to launch you directly into their front lines.

(He obliges, and is amazed at how well you stick the landing.)

Doesn't really register the difference too well, too off his tits to know if you're even talking to him half the time.

You'll pass him his dinner, lovingly crafted with all the food meticulously placed to create a little scene (probably bangers n mash gravy volcano, absolute scran) and he just takes it like. “Oooh, thank you lass/lad! Looks…” Swaying, trying not to drop the tray. “Looks some braw scran, ta!” Then he totters away <3.

Probably invites you to play golf on his slightly more sober days, goes very well of course! You drive the caddy, he hoots and hollers for you to run someone over (Soldier is on the back egging him on).

~~~

Heavy

Somewhat protective, but in a very physical way, where he'll try to body block the enemy from getting at you (and occasionally you from getting at them).

Asks you how you're doing… often, it's like when your elders are concerned but aren't gonna ask if you like, need therapy, he'll just go “Are you alright, дикий?” and when you go yeah what why he's just got his arms crossed, nodding, then walks away.

Is VERY impressed by you on the battlefield, even he's sure he wouldn't be able to tank some of the hits that you do. Your handle on adrenaline is completely spectacular in his eyes.

Would call you wild one, animal, beast, terror, but also throw in little sun when a fight has gone particularly well, proving your fiery fury!!

~~~

Engineer

Probably the closest to you, a little crazy himself, but sane enough off the field.

Highly appreciates your input on anything he's scrapping together, especially when he's tinkering with his turrets. Usually you drive the enemy into them like cattle, so polite questions and curious advice is always treasured.

“Now… I already got the wrangler shield, but that is an awfully good idea there…” Followed by various skeewiff utterances as he works out the kinks of the massive thing he's just haphazardly welded with a folding mechanism onto his sentry.

You'd bring him fresh baked goods sometimes and he wouldn't stop thinking about you for at least a week after, the way to his heart is through food and dear god you give him an arrhythmia <3.

~~~

Medic

Sick of chasing after you after about a week of battles, and eventually begins wondering if he can legally sedate you and/or poke around in your brain to see what makes you tick.

Finds it endearing, how anarchic you are in the heat of war, compared to how civil and polite you are outside of it.

His birds peck at their barred enclosures when they hear your name like they've been accidentally conditioned, knowing they'll be let out for the duration of his usual pacing and rambling session in his office.

“Oh mein Gott, das ist verdammt nochmal unmöglich.” He would absolutely SEETHE over you sometimes, but then you'd come into his office with tea or coffee and biscuits and bird seed and he'd be like oh. Oh you're just nice, huh?

You're the only person willing to listen to his excited rambles about human physiology and general biology, he'd show you vivisection research images, organs, all the sorts until he can see that you're a little offput, then he'll be like,

“Oh, sorry freund! Archimedes tell them it is fine, please. Zhe bird knows these things better than I!” And little mister ‘medes comes and settles down on you for a snug, probably nipping at ya if you don't pet him.

~~~

Sniper

Likes it, LOVES it in fact, he won't show it, but having someone who keeps the enemy's attention long enough for him to get a few picks has him giggling and kicking his feet (metaphorically, of course).

“Oh that one? Aye well… They're about as ruthless as a dunny rat, I'd say, bites like a blue ‘n all.” He'd mutter to anyone who asks what he thinks about you, a strange question, but he's an honest man.

Being a particularly distant man, you don't get very close, but sometimes on late nights when it's too cold for him to be in the camper, he'll settle down in the common room with some knitting going for a few hours before he feels tired enough to head to his room. If you get up for a drink and spot him, he's more than happy for a little chat when you come over and start asking him about what he's doing.

He tries to teach you knitting, which goes alright, eventually offers to teach you some marksmanship but you politely decline.

“More of a hands-on approach, ey? Well, can't knock it mate, seen you take down those blokes like they're nothing but jumbucks.”

~~~

Spy

Is always wearing his cloak and dagger watch for the first while of you arriving, hides in the choke points of certain stations and watches the carnage upclose, trying to stay as still as possible so as not to be seen.

Finds you very amusing, but like Scout, is incredibly sceptical. His curious stalking is not limited only to the battlefield, he often lingers in the shadows of the base just watching you. Mostly when you're cooking, making sure you won't slip anything nefarious into their food.

Does NOT buy any of the stuff you tell them. It's all a little on the nose, all this about working at puppy shelters, saving cats from trees, talking down burglars? Unbelievable, and he will not be convinced.

Does some incredibly invasive snooping, probably literally going through your stuff when you're out of the room, and never really truly comes around to see eye to eye with you.

~~~

General

After a while of you being amongst them, and everyone's settled, Christmas would come up, and much as it would usually be a very casual thing between the lads, everyone would be so enamored with the thoughtful gifts you'd get them.

Miss Pauling would be genuinely so frightened by you, she'd only really see or hear about you on the battlements, not so much when you're at your times of peak kindness. She would also probably not be very convinced by your alleged acts of kindness, but wouldn't be too bothered either way.

[skyenish]

Have you played Jamils ceremonial robes vignette? What did you think about him getting seemingly flustered/shy when Kalim praised him?

I think it’s cute! I always love it when Jamil acts all embarrassed. If you want to know my thoughts on a deeper level, I think that it says a lot about Jamil. Obviously we can see that even though he’s desperate for praise, he still gets flustered when he gets it and tends to shy away from attention. This could be a deeply ingrained habit he has from always having to redirect any attention and praise towards Kalim, or it could be a sign that he doesn’t truly want praise and attention as much as we think.

Now, I believe it’s a mix of both. Most of us already understand why this would be an ingrained habit, so I want to instead explore the other possibility now!

Jamil doesn’t really want to be the best or be worshipped, we know that what he truly wants is to be free, to travel the world. What makes Jamil truly happy, what he truly wants, is that, traveling the world and being free. What he thinks he wants is attention and praise and recognition, because that’s what’s always been taken from him.

We know Jamil is very aware of how he’s perceived, and I’m sure he doesn’t like being perceived as weak or dumb or incapable, so letting Kalim always be better at him stings. But Jamil, who is only 17 and increasingly emotionally constipated (like half the twst characters), immediately swung the other way, overcorrecting. I think Jamil in some cases tends to see really black and white, and since he doesn’t like dumbing himself down for Kalim and Kalim getting all the praise that he doesn’t deserve, that must surely mean that what he wants is that exact praise, right?

I’m not saying he doesn’t want praise, we’ve seen how he shines in the VDC and how he loves being appreciated, but my theory is that he doesn’t want it as much as we’re lead to believe due to his overblot acting the way it did. Being praised like that brings attention to yourself, it puts the spotlights on you, and Jamil doesn’t like being out on the spot (he’s more of a planning ahead guy). I think when his overblot demanded praise and worship, it was more for the powertrip and not as much just for the praise, if you get what I mean? Jamil loves controlling things and being in control and tends to be pretty paranoid when he isn’t in control, and having his hypnotized servants praise him and worship him must feel like the ultimate sign of control. Plus, them saying all these nice things is a fun little ego boost I’d imagine.

Also add in the fact that Jamil himself tends to use flattery and stuff quite often when he wants something from other characters (he’s even been called out on it), so Jamil might sometimes be distrustful when people praise him (projecting much)

I think Jamil doesn’t just want praise for praise’s sake, I think Jamil wants also praise as a way to feel control. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want praise for praise’s sake at all of course, he’s still got quite the ego he needs to feed, and he still likes praise and recognition quite a bit I think, just not as much as you’d think at first glance. Im sorry if I’m not explaining it well, but my thoughts are hard to put into words!

——

I’m sorry if this ramble is all over the place, but I love sharing my thoughts on Jamil! Remember, my interpretations are just my interpretations, and it’s just my thoughts! If you disagree with me, that’s completely fine! Thank you for the question anon, and sorry for making the answer so long <3

[1-800-crscnt]

-jobs I think some clones would have in a post-war “clones are legally seen as people” universe-

Cody: plant + animal farmer. sees it as both a new experience/challenge (land, terrestrial plants and animals) but also slightly similar to what he was used to as a marshal commander. likes the hard work & care required for this lifestyle but cares more about the payoff of it all. will underestimate mint at some point.

Rex: fisherman of some kind. i don’t really have a reason for this, it just seems very likely to me. probably enjoys the peace and solitude it can bring after years of being in the situations he’s been in, but likes the learning aspect and self-sufficient parts of knowing how to fish. could also like the thrill of wrestling large fish that have bodycounts and going to competitions about it, maybe all of these options at once. possibly worries a lot about everyone else and is always sending them photos of him fishing so they respond with their own thing.

Fox: nice try. stays unemployed in a comfortable cabin in some isolated town and loves it. if he needs money, he’ll cash in on favors or do small favors for his brothers.

Wolffe: also tempted to stay unemployed, but gets restless + depressed, becomes a woodworker. doesn’t care about it at first since it’s just a way to get money and stay busy, but develops a liking towards the methodical work and the feeling of creating something very meaningful and/or beautiful with his own hands. ends up liking to create furniture for his brothers getting settled down as a hobby, but creates gothic decorations to sell as his main thing. possibly gets less depressed.

Bly: security guard, would quit, then become a geologist. liked how similar being a security guard was to being a marshal commander at times, but overall hated being reminded of how a lot of people saw/see clones. found more peace in geology bc of how delicate/patient/focused he had to be (helps reinforce his belief that he’s not a violent machine capable of nothing else), also loves learning and sharing knowledge in general. doesn’t really like working with other geologists, tends to not communicate being angry since he’s used to shutting up to get a job done. but he’s dealing. sort of.

Doom: would probably also be unemployed but because he keeps quitting any job after about a month. just can’t find anything that calls to him or keeps him happy, but knows his end goal is to have a life involving lots of plants. doesn’t enjoy being unemployed because he tends to see it as a personal failing on his part, ends up very stressed. Wolffe tries to give advice on just jumping right into plant stuff and making money off it, but Doom is hesitant to make something he loves into a job he might end up hating and quitting again.

Bacara: part-time piercer, part-time bounty hunter. likes to call them both his “piercing jobs” to the discomfort of nearly everyone else. prefers bounty hunting since he thinks it’s more necessary + familiar, but would give it up first if he was forced to only choose one (more stable pay + might live longer). backup plan is to fake his death (unnecessary & regardless of situation) and become a librarian or historian with a fake accent. sort of a nerd anyway, so this isn’t the end of the world for him, and likes how he can get away with dissociating more than he used to.

Neyo: surprisingly, professional racer. refuses to explain how he got this idea, his motives, and where the next event will be, but likes it when his brothers somehow show up. loves the exhilaration, risk (huge adrenaline junkie) and how his outfit looks. also likes the bragging rights. backup plan is to fake his death (again, unnecessary & regardless of situation) and secretly live with Bacara, becoming a chef because he likes working with knives + feeding hungry people fulfills his desire to be useful in some way. has yet to tell Bacara any of this, actually finds not saying anything about it really funny.

[messrsrarchives]

i've spent a lot of the past 24 hours talking to various trans people in the fandom that reposted or dmed me about this video and i'm gonna yap here under the cut about it.

(i'm not a spokesperson for trans people obviously, and i don't mean to lead these discussions. i know i've had a lot of them recently but yeah it's been rough, i just thought this was interesting to share and can hopefully share a lil of how people are feeling.)

i've always assumed that the hate that i've received on my account was because of me? i post videos talking about discourses, i'm open about ships i like that are generally hated, etc etc, i've just assumed it was a me thing.

but then when people are mad about those things, it more often than not comes to slurs. it's come to people debating my identity, questioning how much of a man i am when i wear makeup, posting me on reddit pages, throwing the words tranny and "she-man" around farrr too much, and i thought "isn't it heartbreaking that this is their first thought?"

so it gradually became less about me as an individual, and instead my identity. and just that these people are mean.

and i made that video from the perspective of someone who's already upset. who's had a lot of stuff like this happen and is Sad about it.

but i've spoken to 47 trans people that reached out to me themselves about this, and have so many more requests to get through, and not one has said that they feel safe and comfortable in this space. not a single one.

so i thought i'd share some of the things that were said (with permission and anonymously) because i think it's quite interesting to see what the issues are:

the MOST mentions goes toooo: the discourse about male characters - namely sirius - wearing makeup and the way gender norms become the forefront of this - makes them feel as though people dislike "unconventional trans people" as one person put it.

alongside this, the hate for trans characters - namely regulus - and how people get very mad about it "reinforcing heterosexuality" - do not feel recognised as the gender they are, feel as though people are viewing trans people as "fake men or women" - quote.

discourses surrounding height, hair, 'gender presentations' etc - brought up by a lot of people and they recognised that this is coming from a good place (not reinforcing heterosexuality) but feel as though the amount of focus put on it is disproportionate to the presence of it. copy and pasted quote: "I'm a 5 foot 2 trans man and feel like less of a man because of it"

profitting jkr: (obviously, because that's what the video was about) i want to add that nearly everyone said that they understand the desire to, and were receptive of the fact you don't know what goes on behind the scenes re: donating elsewhere etc, but said that they've felt less safe since the surge of posts about the reboot.

guilt. which makes me glad that i posted about that here a few days ago because i felt alone in this. a lot of the people i spoke to feel guilty for being here, and feel as though they can't claim that this fandom is inclusive anymore.

comment sections: brought up by a handful of people who said that not enough people delete horrible comments on posts - one said "even if they argue against them it just feels worse than deleting it", another said "obvs i can't ask people to delete them on their own account but it does suck that they dont think to" - every person that brought up comment sections said that they tend not to look at them now which makes them feel like an outsider in the fandom.

cosplays: brought up by four people and feels relevant to above points about "gender presentation" - said that unless you're cosplaying sirius, they nearly always have to delete comments saying something along the lines of "xyz wouldn't wear makeup". all of them said that they just feel nice in it and never meant it in a bad way.

scared to be loud: scared to post, especially with face. a few acknowledged that they are scared to do so anyway, but worry about it in this space as well. bolded this one because it makes me so sad, but having been put on reddit pages for saying pete was their friend, i get it.

and the final point, a copy and pasted line: "i dont want to be represented when it suits them and i don't want to be a box they tick when adding diversity to a fic and then cry in comments. i dont want performative support"

ALSO ADDING HERE:

nearly everyone (bar 7 people) that reached out to me acknowledged that this is a minority, and not the majority. they were very clear that it isn't their whole experience, but is an issue regardless. a lot of focus was put on curating your own space and finding people who do support you, but algorithms don't always make that possible, and it's difficult seeing it happen even if they don't interact.

which is,,, yeah. that's the crux of it really. most of the time it's fine and it's lovely and things like this don't happen, but they still do, and how do you feel like you can engage when you don't know what side it will get on?

which,,, sucks. because there's not really anything anyone can do then. it's just screaming into a void and hoping that you don't end up on the wrong sides.

but anyway, i thought it was interesting. especially the comment sections and the headcanon discourse - which truly, i see less of on tumblr anyway but for all of the above reasons, don't fancy discussing this on tiktok right now which is the epicentre of it.

but yeah. food for thought perchance, and some very good discussions !! thank you to anyone that messaged me and allowed me to write this, you're not screaming into a void with me 🫶🏻

[cilil]

Hi, do you have any advices for budding writers on AO3 or here?

Hey! :)

I've given this some thought and compiled what I hope might be some helpful pointers, but if there's anything else or anything specific you want to hear more about, feel free to ask again. Also I'm assuming this is about the amazing craft of fanfic and not, uh, building a platform or whatever (I wouldn't be very helpful with that, I'm a nobody x)).

Share what you feel comfortable sharing.

So since you're asking about budding writers on AO3 and Tumblr, I take it you're at a point where you feel comfortable sharing your writing online, which is amazing. Nevertheless, I feel the need to once again mention (just for anyone who may be in the same or a similar situation) that it's completely alright not to be comfortable with it (yet) or not to share everything you write. I share almost everything simply because I'm annoying and it makes me feel accomplished and since I've grown pretty comfortable with it, I might as well; but not everyone feels that way and feelings also change. It's completely alright to write just for yourself or a small circle of friends.

Don't worry too much about "being good".

I will be the first to admit that I deeply relate to struggling with perfectionism when it comes to writing (and other creative pursuits). However, as someone who's been reading fic for many years, tends to be into quite niche and obscure things sometimes and is rarely spoiled by big fandoms' abundance of food, I want all writers, especially new ones, to know that you don't have to write the most amazing, perfect, publishing-ready pieces. What matters is your passion and creativity, which will show in your writing regardless of skill level. Not to mention that fic is free and in fact a tool for many to experiment.

That's not to say you can't strive to improve or be good - by all means, I find it admirable if you want to hone your craft and make progress as you continue to write. Just don't let perfectionism ruin your fun and stifle your creativity.

How to get better without trying overly hard.

Aside from just writing, writing and writing (that is the most important part though), how do you improve without making it a point to do so? Well, if it works for you to read/watch guides or you enjoy specific writing exercises, that's great, but one thing that I find gets overlooked a lot in writing spaces is simply: Reading. Just reading for fun.

I find that I often discover little things in other people's writing that I really like and then I think to myself "wow, that's really neat how they did that, maybe I could take a page out of their book" (pun intended) and make it a point to pay attention to these things when I write. Essentially, it's like creating a nice patchwork blanket which is your style, made up of your own voice and preferences as a writer and cool stuff you picked up on the road.

Let me just name some examples, which, yes, are also an excuse to shamelessly blow some writer friends of mine a well-deserved kiss of appreciation. @sauron-kraut writes incredibly polished short stories with beautiful wording and atmosphere that have a lot of little hidden things to discover and dissect, and I want to steal her ability to set the stage and hide those easter eggs. @a-world-of-whimsy-5 is an absolute legend when it comes to writing medieval and medieval-adjacent stuff, and I learned so much from her fics. @i-did-not-mean-to has a way of writing with such esprit and wit that I always end up in a good mood after, a style of narrative voice I've adored for over a decade, and I've greatly improved my humorous writing in particular thanks to her. @crackinthecup has the marvelous ability to craft extremely emotionally evocative scenes, which have encouraged me to be more courageous and experimental in my sentence melody and structure. @tragedybunny has a way of writing that reminds me of coming home to a warm and comfy place, and I will find out how she did it and how I can do it as well.

So as you can see, it can be super helpful to compare notes with your fellow writers. Never be discouraged by someone else's ability; instead learn and expand your own.

Feedback, criticism and community.

Let me just get one thing out of the way: You don't have to take criticism from everyone. Or at all. As far as I understand, the fanfic community has come to to agree that we're doing this for fun and don't give criticism unprompted/when we aren't sure it's wanted or welcome. As a general rule: Take criticism from those you would also seek advice from. Ask for feedback if you feel comfortable, and if not, that's a valid boundary to have and I will gently smack anyone who presumes to pick apart writing that was made for fun and generously shared with the community for free.

The community aspect, however, should be taken into account on other fronts. While I won't tell anyone they have to interact and believe that, in an ideal world, everyone's writing would just speak for itself, it is helpful to engage with the community. Things you can do (both on Tumblr and AO3 if also applicable/possible) include: Respond to people interacting with your works, interacting with other people's works (for example while you're doing your reading sessions and looking at other writers' styles) and just overall being present, being talkative, going with the flow.

Again, this is not a must. But I will say that pretty much all of us want positive responses and interactions on their work and that just won't work if you expect everyone to show up for you all the time and never show up for anyone else. Engagement, passion and community are our "currency" in the absence of money and reciprocity is an important element of that. A lot of friction and complaints in the fanfic community regarding lack of interaction or entitlement are rooted in misunderstandings of this fundamental principle.

But don't take this in a cynical manner. Seek out what you enjoy, share the joy and passion and you'll make friends just accidentally - which is the part that I find makes fandom on AO3 and Tumblr so much fun! (I don't even want to be a "traditional" author anymore, I want this instead😁)

Find your groove and groove along.

Lastly, make sure your writing is fun for you or else it'll become a chore and eventually get ruined for you as a hobby. This is unfortunately a continuous task as your needs and interests shift - for example you might be in the mood to do an entire drabble challenge one month and during another month you feel so drained that you couldn't do another one. Or you might want to write something different for a change. Or whatever it may be.

Either way, one recent lesson I've learned is that I got too tied up in obligations and it left no space for spontaneous inspiration, so I never got to write what I wanted to write in the moment and it pushed me quite close to burnout. Do yourself a favor and always hold that space for yourself. In practice, this could for example mean that you do one event and on the side write this cool new idea you had, instead of doing three events - which is fun and games until it starts getting too much and you don't have time for your passion projects.

Finding your groove also includes the whole technical aspect, such as which writing programs you use, which device (or none at all), where you write, how to make yourself comfortable, how to get in the right headspace for things. I would also like to encourage all of you to be a bit crazy and whimsical about this: For example I've gone to the perfume store, picked out a scent for a specific character in a specific scene and sniffed it while writing the description several times now. Do what it takes. And say goodbye to your squeaky clean search history - you will research some weird stuff just to get that one line right.

So yeah, these are just my random thoughts on fic writing and what has been helpful in order for me to have lots of fun with this hobby. Happy writing!

[inkedinfusions]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐞𝐲 | eren jaeger chapter 11

⊱𖣂⊰ | In which you fall into a fictional world with the key to Pandora's box.

── ★ ˙ ̟ . 🗝 .ᐟ.ᐟ masterlist

⊰– prev   next–⊱

𝟏𝟏 | 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤

chapter word count: 3.7 k

content warnings: floch forster jumpscare warning, blanket warnings

a/n: Last chapter of the year! Happy New Years everyone. Sorry Floch lovers I really did try to be nice to him but he started being an asshole outta nowhere. He is still Very traumatized from Shiganshina part two and still holds the grudge against the volunteers, because he isn't yet at his Eldian Restoration arc. So, you know. Anyway. Also longest chapter to date! Idk how I went from thinking I wasn't going to finish this in time to writing a ton more of what I expected. Like always, special thanks to my beta reader for proofreading my stuff and picking out the name of the chapter when I ran out of creative juice :) edit: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I WROTE THE WRONG NAME LMAO

Thanks for reading!

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 way back to the tent barracks when the sun starts to poke its form over the horizon, turning the dark void of the sea into a mixture of gold and water. Loose rocks crunch underfoot as you make your way around the small alcove, tracing back the path you had taken before in your erratic state. 

You are much calmer now than before, even if the conversation with Eren mainly served to confirm your greatest fears. The explosions, the church, someone – Sasha, probably – lying dead on the floor, the gruesome march of the Titans. Even so, you know that panicking won't help you at this moment. 

It was frustrating before, because you’ve known this for quite some time now, and yet the incoherence of your half formed thoughts wouldn’t stop flowing no matter how much you tried to rationalize them. 

That is, until you found something else to focus on, someone else to share it with. 

So you trot along the wild grass, which sways gently in the morning wind, shaking off the remnants of the cool morning dew. Insects begin to wake up, buzzing all around, and the birds begin to sing from the trees, some more awake than others. 

The camp is already bursting with life, a completely different landscape than the day before, for now there were not only a few scattered soldiers here and there, but a brigade of people walking around. 

As you crane your neck around to see, you notice that a handful of them seem to be on break or in between tasks, as they walk leisurely around the structures. Others are hauling what seem to be a couple of crates onto a cart, and several more are tending to some horses. 

“This isn’t the way to the barracks,” you tell Eren, after realizing you are severely off the path that arrives there. 

“I figured you wanted to eat first,” he says. “You didn’t wake up for lunch yesterday. Or dinner.”

Oh. You really have to fix that – it's only when Eren says this that you feel the emptiness of your stomach, only fueled by the smell of food emanating from the ever approaching canteen. 

It is a temporary structure, just like all of the others in the camp, and so it carries with itself the flimsiness that is only present in things as fleeting as passing thoughts. Yet the canteen lingers just like many of your thoughts seem to do, providing all weary soldiers a hot meal and a chance to socialize with their fellow peers. 

You still attract some glances here and there, mainly from soldiers who didn’t get the chance to gawk at you yesterday, only knowing of your existence from the rumors that you're sure have already circulated back to the Walls. 

“What's for breakfast today, then?” you ask.

“Porridge, I think,” he says. “Get ready to eat the same thing almost everyday,” he continues, cracking a grin.

“I can live with that,” you say, pausing briefly before going on. “Back home, my parents left for business trips at times, so I just learned to do basic dishes and ate the same thing everyday.”

Unlike past instances where you have talked about your life before the whole… incident, you don’t feel a gaping hole inside your lungs, where all the air you attempt to take in leaves suddenly. There is nostalgia and longing in your voice for sure, but the hurt you had experienced at first when you tried to remember them had lessened in might. 

You noted this with satisfaction, not wanting to be chained by emotional thinking. Before you stood a road that would probably span for a few years, and you needed to think as logically as possible in order to traverse it. 

Eren nods and you both continue walking, until, to your surprise, he shares his own story about his own mother, Carla. 

“My mom used to make me and Mikasa little loaves of bread for us to take when we went out to look for firewood. We used to cup our hands around them in winter to keep warm.”

“Oh,” you say. “I'm sure she had a wonderful spirit.”

“Yeah,” he says. “She did.”

You aren’t sure why he brought up his mom at that moment. You know that the death of Carla Jaeger is one of his principal motivations in what he deems his goals to be, but it is also a deeply personal part of his past. While it would not be weird for someone to relate with their own story, it is unusual for him to share so. 

You resume your comfortable silence, enveloped by the sounds of the lively camp. Your steps aren’t coordinated by any means, but there is still a harmony to be found in the way your feet strike the earth. 

Eren steps to the side to let you in first, although you still have to wait for him to come in before you move forward in any direction. You could adapt to a certain point, having seen the series and thus knowing many of the protocols used – also a courtesy from Zeke who had transcribed some of Reiner’s reports. It was fun to memorize them, less so to watch them burn and disintegrate on the stove after you finished. 

You aren’t sure if you are lucky or not that you were dropped off in such an era. On one hand, it could definitely be worse; you could’ve appeared right when Eren activated the Rumbling, or at least months before, when there was not much you could do. You could have been found by literally anyone else but the Volunteers and your safety in Marley could’ve been in jeopardy, and that was not even touching on the opportunity to sail to the island presented by the faction. 

Could be better though. You could’ve never stepped foot in this world, nor the horrors that accompanied it. But now you are here, and so now you would do your best to ensure their happy ending – or at least one where genocide wasn’t the endgame. 

“So do I just take a bowl…?” you ask, unsure, as you approach a line you assume is meant for people who want their breakfast. 

“Yeah, and a spoon. They’re right there,” Eren says, pointing to a tray. “And then after we are done you just put any dirty dishes on that cart over there.”

He gestures to your left, and sure enough, there is a cart half full of dirty dishes just beyond where the line ends and the soldiers in queue are given their food. Although the vibe is definitely military, it still reminds you of a school cafeteria. The young median age of the soldiers definitely has something to do with it, and if you were feeling more pessimistic you would definitely dwell on it for longer than necessary. 

But today hunger triumphs it all, so you follow Eren to the queue, awaiting your turn. The line moves quickly, so it is not long before it's your turn to grab a bowl and spoon. 

The porridge is simple, beige, crumply. Not particularly appetizing but definitely better than you expected. It was similar in consistency to the oatmeal you used to prepare when Zeke went away on missions and you couldn’t muster up the energy to make anything more complex.

“This way,” Eren says, guiding you to thread around the occupied tables. 

On the other side of the canteen sits a table filled with the only people you recognize in the sea of soldiers; the members of Squad Levi. 

From where you were standing a few moments ago, and even now as you’re approaching, they look like any other teenagers during a lunch break, laughing and chatting and eating. But there is a weariness that hangs around them all, one you presume to be mainly because of the recent battle. Yeah, a year had passed, but you know that what happened there was something that clung to oneself. 

It is different from seeing them on the screen. There you couldn’t make sense of the atmosphere, but here it is clearer than ever that these are just teenagers forced to grow up fast in order to survive their world. 

As if sensing your gaze, Armin turns around to look at you, waving you over when he realizes who you are and who you are with. 

They are not in the corner, per se, but they are still hidden by a few full tables. Just as you approach, one of said tables empties, its former occupants chatting as they walk towards the exit. Now you know why you hadn’t seen them when you first entered; they blocked the view from where you stood. 

Eren greets them with a smile as he sits next to Mikasa. There are two other empty seats, one next to him and another one right in front of it, next to Jean. You hesitate for a second before choosing the first option. Jean was nice enough to you yesterday, even if he was kinda wary of you, but you don't want to make him more uncomfortable so you take a seat to the far right, sandwiching Eren between you and Mikasa. 

“Uh, hi,” you offer, a bit lackluster. 

“Hello!” Armin says, as positive as ever. He puts you a bit more at ease, and you hope that your eyes convey that to him. 

Sasha, seated in front to the far left, greets you in similar fashion, although she doesn’t speak because she is currently too preoccupied with scarfing down her porridge. Next to her, Connie raises a hand in greeting, and Jean, seated directly to your left diagonally, nods at you. Mikasa, on the other side of Eren, nods at you too. 

You feel like the new girl that has been taken in by the popular clique at school, if the clique consisted of humanity’s best soldiers and the school was their military branch. You felt severely out of place – like with Reiner, you knew too much about these people, yet also too little. You had seen their most vulnerable, their most raw moments in 4k, and still you didn’t know how to start a conversation with them. 

“Did you settle in okay? I know it's not the most welcoming environment,” Armin says. 

You suck in a breath, thinking back on your panic attack in the early dawn. “Yeah,” you lie. “The cot was nice after staying a day in a storage room. I don't recommend it if you're a fan of having a working spine.”

Connie chuckles at your half assed attempt at a joke. “Speaking of, we saw you disembark from the side, like…” he trails off, before pointing at you with his spoon when he finds the word he's looking for. “Like you were sneaking out. Were you?”

Sasha elbows him, almost sparking a fight between them, before Jean slaps both of them on the back of the head. “Stop squabbling,” he says. 

“Never thought I’d side with Jean,” Eren mutters, low enough for only you and Mikasa to hear. 

“I was… undercover? Yeah, undercover. I don’t have the age to pass for a soldier, so we had to get creative.”

“Oh!” Armin exclaims. “Undercover? Like a detective?”

“Much more boring than that, I promise you,” you say, forming an x over your chest with your arms. “I just did nothing for a day. I wasn’t allowed to leave the storage room, and even if the door wasn’t locked I’d be way too nervous to do that.”

“You were locked there?” asked Mikasa, her brows furrowing just a fraction. “What if the ship sank?”

“Uh,” you say, blanking. “I’d… figure it out? That’s actually a great point.” You mutter the last part, bringing a hand to your chin. It was great indeed that the ship did not sink. You weren’t sure if you would have been saved if it did. 

“It sounds to me like you were more of a prisoner there than an ally,” pipes up an unknown voice behind you.

You turn around to meet the owner of the voice, and you come face to face with a redhead with the most atrocious bowl cut you had ever seen. Almost everyone seated at your table groans at the unexpected arrival, and you squint at him, trying to figure out if you do know him. 

“Get lost, Forster,” Jean says, irritation clear on his face. 

“I'm just getting to know the new recruit,” he says, sitting in front of you. “So?”

“Sorry, what?” you say, hanging onto the last name Jean uttered. 

As far as you know, there is only one character with that last name; Floch Forster. And you are no fan of his. Worse, he was one of the only people you were glad to see gone. Now, though, that he was just another teenager, and a traumatized one at that, you feel a little guilty for smiling at the wake of his death. 

But let it be known that Floch Forster was one annoying little prick. 

“Your allies?” he repeats. “They locked you in a room?”

“Where are you going with this?” you ask.

Floch shrugs, clearly ignoring the glares he gets from certain people at the table. “Just wondering about your role in all of this. If you are as important as they say.”

“Can you leave?” Eren asks, although it's not really a question. “She’s–”

“Yeah, yeah, the reason you remembered Marley’s ship came yesterday and whatnot,” Floch interrupts. “So? Do you have the answers to all of our problems, new girl?”

You twirl your spoon in your hand, swirling the porridge while you’re at it. You would love to snap back at Floch with an equally snippy comment, but the truth is that you don’t have the answers to all their problems. If they were calculus problems you would have some of the formulas required to solve it, but the results are still an unknown variable to you. 

“I don’t know what my place in all of this is yet,” you say, moving your gaze upwards to look at Floch dead in the eye. “But I am being honest when I say I want to help. Even if you choose not to believe me.”

“You’re right,” he says, notably not even taking your words into consideration. “I don’t. You’re seen as the enemy here, new girl. I suggest you get with the program.”

You sigh as Floch gets up and walks away, presumably to wherever he’s assigned to in the morning. “Well, that went well.”

“He’s been an ass since Shiganshina,” Connie says. 

“Oh, he was an ass way before that,” Eren pipes in. “He just changed targets from Armin to Y/n today.”

Armin gives you an apologetic smile at the mention of his name, but you wave him off, not wanting to imply that Floch’s behavior was somehow his fault. 

“It's fine,” you repeat for what is like the third time in these last two days. “I get it.”

“Do you really?” Jean asks, with strikingly less antagonism than Floch. If asked, you would say that his tone carries more curiosity than hostility. 

“I know things, remember?” you say, strangely confident. “That’s not something everyone would be comfortable with. And I can deduce that that guy’s personality is not one of understanding.”

“You can say that again,” Sasha says. “By the way, are you going to finish that?”

Sasha points at your half finished porridge, forgotten in the midst of Floch’s arrival. To be honest, you aren’t very hungry anymore, but you make an effort to finish the meal, not wanting to go hungry in the middle of the day. You mouth a sorry towards her, and finish your breakfast. 

After leaving the canteen, you part ways with the others, finding yourself once again alone with Mikasa. You walk with her towards your tent, and you debate on bringing up what happened last night. 

“Hey, uh, Mikasa?” you start. “I’m very sorry about what happened last night.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” she says in that unwavering voice of hers. “We all get nightmares from time to time.”

“Oh,” you say, taken aback. “Still, though. Sorry.”

Mikasa nods, and while others would take offense at her cold gesture, you instead see the almost imperceptible friendly tone. If she really did hate you, or at the very least didn’t care in the slightest, she wouldn’t have woken up Eren to go after you. 

You smile, entering the tent you share with the girl. The blanket you vaguely remember tripping over is still on the floor, so you pick it up and fold it over your cot. 

“We are leaving for Mitras in about an hour,” Mikasa says behind you. “I left some clothes for you to change into there.”

Sure enough, there was a small bundle of garments at the foot of your cot, which you had somehow overlooked when tidying up. 

“Thank you,” you say. “Is there anything else I need to bring?”

“No,” Mikasa says. Then she turns to you, pausing her packing. “Do you know how to ride a horse?”

You are only half surprised at the question that seemingly came out of nowhere. “I just know the basics. I've never actually ridden a horse before.”

Writing and reading the Eldian alphabet, self defense, gun safety, lies by omission, horse riding. Those are all things you had to master before Zeke officially agreed to let you go to the island, citing them as indispensable things every young lady should know. Hell, he even threw in some etiquette lessons for if and when you met with the queen. 

Mikasa nods, turning back to her belongings. “You’ll be riding in the cart then. Even so, it was improbable for you to get your own horse in the first place, since you aren’t part of the regiment.”

“Is that a thing?” you ask. “Like, you get into the military so you get your own horse?”

“You could say that.”

“Sick.”

She frowns, pausing again. “No, we aren’t sick. Are you? Do you need me to show you the infirmary?”

You feel heat rush to the tips of your ears and you splutter, head reeling from her unexpected answer. “No! No, no, uh– it's just an expression. It means it's cool, you know?”

“I didn’t,” she says, schooling her expression. “But I know now. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“I’m all good,” you quickly amend before correcting yourself. “I mean, not all good, cause I get headaches from time to time, but like, good enough to be… yeah. I’m good.” You cut yourself off when you realize you are ranting, but add a smile at the end to seal the deal. 

“Oh,” Mikasa says. “I get headaches too. There are some teas I’ve found that help.”

“Yeah, thank you,” you say, not wanting to shut down her way of helping you, even if you know that her headaches aren’t something that can be dealt with in the physical world. “They did?”

“Here,” she says, handing you a few packets of tea leaves. “I leave that brewing for five minutes and the headaches subside. You could also chew on them if there is no time to boil water.”

You nod, taking the crinkly packets in your hands. The leaves move downwards when you turn them around, staying within the confinements of its bundled pouch. “Is each packet a portion?”

“Depends on how you like your tea,” Mikasa confirms, zipping up her things. “Yes, if you like it strong. Otherwise, no.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks again.”

Mikasa leaves the tent, and stands outside for a moment, giving you some privacy to change your clothes. The dark colored bottoms pair well with a sort of cream top, flowy enough so that the texture doesn’t bother you, given it is rougher than what you are accustomed to. When you are done, you follow behind her with your gathered things, ducking under the flap of the tent as you exit. 

“All done,” you say.

She simply nods, going back to her usual silent self as she directs you to a far corner of the stables, where everyone who would be going to Mitras stood. Some were getting the horses ready amongst the smell of hay and animals, others were double checking items in carts, one less full than the others. 

Armin spots you before the others and he walks towards you with a smile. You can see the other members of his squad in the background, each doing their own tasks in preparation for the road, already accompanied by their horses. You are even tempted to make a Jean-horse joke, but you contain yourself in time, knowing the boy would not appreciate it. 

 “Hi!” Armin says, with that cadence of his. “Are you ready for the road?”

“I guess so,” you say. “Uh, should I tell the Volunteers I’m leaving or–” 

“They’ve been notified you will be unavailable,” cuts a no nonsense voice behind Armin. Levi flanks the boy, stopping right in front of your little trio. “Ackerman,” he continues, “go help Jaeger with the boxes. His efficiency leaves much to be desired.”

Mikasa nods and walks towards Eren, who stands next to a big pile of boxes. You hear him groan when Mikasa starts helping him, but quickly silences himself at her glare. 

“Anyways,” Armin starts. “I’ll be going with you on the cart, so feel free to ask anything!”

“Don’t try anything,” Levi says.

“Yeah, thanks Armin,” you say, a bit hesitant, before nodding at the captain, so that he knows that his message is clear. 

Someone in the background shouts something, spurring everyone else to their own stations. Armin taps you in the arm when you get distracted, and guides you to the wooden open wagon, where you take a seat in one of the two benches that line the sides. Armin starts chattering about something, and you nod and smile when it is appropriate to do so. 

After a while, the wagon lurches forward as the horses begin walking, and you start on your journey to Mitral, capital city of Wall Sina.

taglist:

@dressycobra7 @xngelsau @bloodchapell @i-think-im-adorable13 @luna4mnoon

@yuuuumii @kermittears @binluvsu @luvsymai

ask or comment to be added!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for breaking up with my partner of four years who I live with?

sorry this is a long one but I don't want to leave stuff out and make it seem biased.

My partner (22F) and I (22F) have been together since senior year of high school, just before COVID hit, and have lived together for a bit over a year now.

It's her first time living outside her parents' house, and early on she was a really crappy housemate. I ended up nagging at her a lot and having to use gentle parenting techniques to get her to do basic housework and do her share of responsibilities. We had a fight around six months in, where I told her I felt like I had to parent her, and she understandably took it poorly. Since then, she's put in a lot more effort around the house in a way that felt less like it was a product of caring, and more like the product of fearing abandonment. I pointed this out to her, and she said that she was trying harder because she loved me and wanted me to be comfortable in our home, though she had made several offhand comments that she was always worried about pissing me off.

I've been clinically depressed for a long time, and one of the chief ways it's manifested is irritation and anger. It developed into a problem, and I started getting therapy/ medication. Often I would end up being pretty mean to her. I felt bad about it, but she would get on my nerves a lot. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated easily. She has unmedicated ADHD and often comes in and starts hyperactively info-dumping about her day without a greeting or anything, knowing I had just woken up (I work nights).

She stopped doing that only after months of me asking her to and enforcing that boundary. Sometimes I was hurtful about it, but when I was nice about it she tended to ignore me or "forget" I'd asked her to stop doing that.

The last six months she's been better about things, but the first six months of living together kinda killed my feelings for her. At first, I thought it was stress from school, work, and other things related to the house (bug infestations, things breaking constantly, standard Landlord Special bullshit). But more and more I found myself annoyed with her. I'd often make rude comments about her behavior out of frustration. When I tried to discuss things more maturely, she'd break down crying and panicking, and I'd reassure and comfort her afterward instead of getting to express my feelings. She'd rarely express hers, just start sobbing and apologizing and saying she'd change, which made me feel awful and like I couldn't express grievances to her.

I'd try to get some space from time to time, and she'd get extremely anxious and seek reassurance, which I'd give to her because I didn't want to start anything. I thought I'd come back around and find happiness with her again. She'd been extremely patient with me throughout the relationship, with my moodiness and temper. I'd tried changing that about myself, but I found that the only thing that ever seemed to help my moods was getting space from her.

In late 2023/Jan 2024 I ended up having to get a couple surgeries, and she was supportive and caring in a way not many people would be for their partners. She made time to take care of me while I was more or less disabled and gave me grace as I worked through the emotional aspects of my health issues.

During this time I started having feelings for her again, but within a week of recovering, I was back to feeling the same sense of vague irritation and resentment as before, even though her behavior had changed and she was objectively being an amazing partner.

I realized I wasn't happy in this relationship and felt tremendous pressure to be responsible for somebody who had fallen behind me in terms of emotional maturity. I couldn't discuss big issues with her without her breaking down and panicking, and I felt like I had to walk on eggshells because of it. I was hurtful to her because of it, and it wasn't fair to stay a relationship I was no longer emotionally invested in.

Before I left for work one day, she ended up pressuring me into talking about what was on my mind after I told her I didn't feel the time was right to discuss it. I told her how I felt and that a breakup seemed like the healthiest way forward for us. She shut down, started crying, panicking, saying that we could work it out and go to couples therapy, etc. By this point, I had kind of lost faith in her ever fulfilling any promises related to therapy. I had to leave for work and she wouldn't stop talking about it, so I ended up apologizing, taking it back, and saying we could work it out.

A busy week or two went by where I was noticeably less nice to her, hoping that when I tried to break up with her again she wouldn't get emotional whiplash from it coming seemingly out of nowhere. I wrote out what I wanted to say in a letter and told her that I had things to talk about, but put them in a letter so she'd have time to process it instead of shutting down. I told her this, as well, to give her something of a warning.

I asked her what she thought we talked about during that big argument, and she said she honestly couldn't remember. We then went to a concert where I got drunk to try and enjoy things (I did) but she couldn't have a good time due to worrying about our conversation. I gave her the letter two days later, left it for her in the morning to read and process while I was in class that day.

It understandably went poorly, and she blames me for being a shitty partner, for being mean, for ruining the concert which was the one thing that she had looked forward to us doing as partners, and for treating her like shit in the weeks leading up to the breakup, and has indirectly asked if I can stay elsewhere on the nights where we'd be sharing a bed. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[celestialh4ven]

Miguel O’Hara headcanons

masterlist

SFW

He always cares for you when you’re sick, he’ll cook, clean and do every possible thing so you don’t have to lift a finger.

He doesn’t realize it at time but when he’s stressed he tends to claw and scratch on things (which is why your shared home is full of claw marks)

He loves loves LOVES giving you kisses, especially on the forehead, cheek, hand and neck.

He’s kinda overprotective, only because he doesn’t want to lose you.

He won’t admit it but he loves your height difference, it does things to him.

He’s not very good with emotions and sometimes doesn’t realize that his initial emotional response to some things aren’t…the best…

He’s such a gentleman, always holding the door for you, affirming to you daily how perfect you are, holds the door for you, gives you his jacket when you’re cold and picks you up when your legs get tired.

He’s not the biggest fan of being taken cared of but if you push him enough he’ll let you take care of him.

He loves it when you massage him especially after a long day of swinging around, helps relax his aching muscles.

Though he’s not the kind of guy to flex on people,he loves it when you compliment his muscles.

He once carried you and swung you around the city as a date.

His kisses tend to get a bit heated, don’t mind him though, he can’t control it.

He loves it when you kiss him, though it’s just a simple gesture, it warms his heart.

(For non Spanish speakers) sometimes he’ll teach you a little bit of Spanish and will quickly kiss you when you make a mistake then correct you after.

NSFW

He tries not to be, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t help but be rough in bed

He dick measures 12 in and is really really girthy ( it’s literally canon because I just know)

He loves biting you everywhere, you’re literally marked from head to toe.

His favourite positions are lotus, missionary, cowgirl, and he loves a good full Nelson if he’s feeling aroused enough.

Though he can be very animalistic in bed he’s actually really passionate and will give you a lot of kisses and praise.

He only bites you if you allow it since his venom paralyses, but the times you do allow him to he takes full advantage of it and uses your body how he pleases (ofc with your consent first), so you better hope you don’t have work the next day cause you’re gonna be sore.

He loves your face, and always want you to face him during sex so he’s able to see all your expressions and how good he’s making you feel.

When i say this man will EAT YOU OUT, I mean it. He’ll have both of your legs in his shoulders, web up your hands so you don’t escape and kiss, lick, suck and thrust his tongue into your pussy as if he hasn’t eaten in days.

He’s a service dom, most of the time, but there are some days he’ll let himself go and allow you please and dominate him.

Loves dirty talk, will say stuff like “Lo estás haciendo muy bien, cariño.” “¿Puedes sentirme en tu vientre?" as he’s caressing your belly bulge, or “You make me feel so good... my love.” “Qué muñequita tan bonita eres para mí".

Curses in Spanish when he’s close

His load is so thick and creamy, fills you up nice and good (good lord I’m so down bad for this man)

A part if him loves overstimulating you and how you squirt all over him when he does so.

He’ll accidentally claw at you sometimes but he makes sure he doesn’t hurt you, so yes you have a whole bunch of claw and bite marks around your body.

( if you’re on the thick/chubby side) he’ll leave so many kisses in between your thighs cause he’s loves how squishy they are, he’ll also make you sit in his face a lot, slapping your ass and thighs as he eats you out.

(If you’re on the muscular/gym girlie side) he’ll be so rough with you and will tease you, telling you “Oh cmon mi amor…you should be able to take it now shouldn’t you?”

He loves fucking you in the comfort of your home, he despises quickees so much, he’d rather wait till you Both are home so he can properly please you.

(Giggled and kicked my feet while writing this 🤭, part two of The misunderstanding is coming soon guys)