#i tend to have a problem with TV shows because they'll just be like

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 6 thoughts

(wipes away tears) my tummy hurts

so, i broke my own rule, and watched these next 2 episodes back to back. like i mentioned before, in some ways i am very happy i did this, to experience the sadness all at once rather than dragging it out over 2 days. but now that i have to edit and post these, whew boy. it’s going to be draining.

i wonder how the actors felt about these plot points of constant sorrow? do you think it got draining after a while? do you think they too wanted a break?

anyway. let us go back to 3 hours ago, when i was more innocent, younger, freer.

so, last episode had its ups and downs, and the episode before that was near perfection. i know a little about what happens in this one, and i’m ready to be hurt.

(author’s note: she was not, in fact, ready to be hurt)

i shall refrain from any further comment, beyond the fact that i am reading the episode description… scully must be utterly shocked to think that her sister had a secret child!!!

oh, and it’s a christmas episode? which i think is a little early since i’m watching this in november, but i’m sure it made sense when it aired. i’ll have to mentally get myself festive.

anyway. let us begin. i’m excited. 

(author’s note: i should not have been excited)

the scully family is visiting someone! scully observes that this woman is huge. which is actually hilarious. queen of speaking her mind.

ohhhh it’s bill’s house, and bill’s wife tara who we are meeting!! scully is unsettled because it is the exact same layout as their childhood house on the naval base :( i bet that feels super weird, to be in a place exactly like your childhood home, but yet not it

oh no, maggie is really sad because she misses mr. scully and melissa :( scully seemed to want to talk about it, but her mother darted away

(these guys definitely subscribe to that john mulaney bit about being irish: "i'll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, i'll die")

now the phone is going off, and she wants bill to answer it. but it’s for her???? 

a mysterious voice: “she needs you, dana. go to her” (proceeds to hang up)

this answered no questions at all.

she uses her special FBI privileges to trace the call!! and bill takes her to where she needs to go. which is….?

a house?

there are a lot of cop cars and ambulances at this here house. AND WHO IS THIS RUDE MAN TALKING TO SCULLY???? (later revealed to be named detective kresge)

“no offense, scully fbi” “i’ve been here thirty minutes, guarantee you no one’s called out to you or anyone else” <- UM???? i will throw hands. disrespect her at your own risk.

he explains that the phone is off the hook which. okay. so yeah, that would make calling difficult. but you don’t have to be a dick about it.

oh……. i see what has happened here… mrs. roberta sim is dead, and it’s a suicide. 

(was actually pretty shocked at how they just. showed her in the tub like that. damn. it was a lot)

bill is freaked tf out. “what’s going on? they’re joking about you getting a call from a dead woman” <- woah woah woah who are these first responders who have time to MAKE FUN OF SCULLY WHILE ON A CASE!???? bill, i give you permission to sic ‘em. put all that rage to good use

OH MY GOD, SHE THOUGHT THE VOICE ON THE PHONE WAS MELISSA??? 

(spooooooky intro…………)

is she going to call mulder about this, or will this be a special scully alone christmas episode that makes me weep like a baby? let’s find out!!!!

she is back at the sim house with mr. sim and detective kresge, who says there was an outgoing call around the same time scully received that mysterious message, even though the phone was out. he claims it must have been some sort of glitch. hmm... suspicious.

she cannot stop staring at this little kid, though…

at family dinner, scully must excuse herself to make a phone call. she calls mulder!!! who is running in to pick up!!! did he just get out of the shower, or did he just come inside or something, because he has a funny hat on? anyway, she doesn’t say anything, just hangs up on him once she hears his voice. 

ohh :(

she must have been trying to see if the phone was really working... so she called the number she knew by heart and the person she knew would pick up... i will cry

back at the dinner table, bill’s wife tara's baby is kicking, and she’s talking about how she can’t wait to have more children. scully looks like she is being sucker punched.

i mean it hasn’t been addressed, but i’ve assumed that she’s come to the conclusion that kids are not really on the table for her after we found mulder with all of her eggs. which is still crazy, btw. has he just been holding onto them? or did he give them to her offscreen? 

tara says this line: “i can’t help but think that life before now was somehow… less” <- OKAY THAT WAS A RUDE THING TO SAY AND YOU’RE GONNA MAKE SCULLY CRY???? LOOK AT HOW SAD SHE IS???? what the HELL???

way to sit there and straight up tell your sister-in-law her life is a boring prelude until she has kids. which she cannot have. so her life is going to be, in your words, a prelude forever. because god forbid a woman have a life without a child. or if she wants one and cannot have one, her life will be unfulfilling. tara, i get that you're in a busy space mentally rn, you are sick in the head for that.

despite tara saying something so out of pocket that i would have simply left the table, scully pulls it together with smile, gets through dinner, and starts washing the dishes. because she is a trooper.

maggie comes in and asks what is the matter. and scully LIES and says "nothing". i don’t get the impression these two are big on talking about their emotions.

but she does that mom thing where she puts her hands on her hips and scully spills; she doesn’t even have to finish the sentence and her mom understands and is hugging her, saying she’s so sorry.

OH MY GOD, SHE’S CRYING??? and her voice is wavering and she tells her it’s okay but “i just never realized how much i wanted it until i couldn’t have it” <- OH MY GOD. i knew this was coming but it still hurts.

SCULLLLYYYY WHYYYYY. the way she says she is okay, when she so clearly isn't...

so she’s stuck sleeping in this room that is going to be a nursery, which just seems insanely cruel….. 

as she drifts off into sleep, we get a flashback of baby her with her brother, saying he’s going to cook her rabbit into a stew!! not very kind. now where did she put the rabbit? is it a real rabbit or a plush friend?

it seems he is in the basement. NOOOOO, it is a real baby bunny, and she put him in a lunchbox... he died and is filled with maggots!! NOOOO. oh poor baby scully just wanted to keep her rabbit friend safe.......... :(

i would guess that this is one of her earliest memories associated with death. and now we know that bill has always been mean.

this must be some sort of traumatic experience mixed with a nightmare because she is also seeing that little girl from earlier at the sim's house… just watching her in the basement, hunting for the rabbit…. but such a terrible nightmare is interrupted by a phone ringing 

it is her cellphone at 2:30 in the morning!!!! it’s the same voice as before saying "she needs your help"!! she asks the voice why she is calling her... but is met with silence

she goes to the sim's house and explains that yet again the call was traced to their house, which he claims to have no explanation for. and mr. sim tells her to get the fuck out basically, which i understand he has had a really terrible day, but it still feels cold :/ just slamming the door on her face like that 

creepy child is watching her leave…. ominously...

detective kresge is here, and scully wants everything he has on the roberta sim case. he says there is no case, it was just a simple suicide. she says please let me see whatever it is you have, for the sake of the season. which works on him, actually. i did not think it would.

ohhhh, that is going to be a photo of her wrists in the evidence pile. again, not really pulling any punches here.

detective kresge says that there was a domestic disturbance at the house the week before; it wasn't a very happy house. and roberta sim had some medicine in her system. scully finds a photo of the daughter in her purse, which she asks to borrow. which he probably thought was weird as hell.

it seems she is going to compare it with her own family photos. there are pictures of melissa in japan as a kid, and this emily child looks identical!!! 

now she is furiously typing into a computer, looking for birth records. she cannot find any records on emily because she was adopted. so she’s calling someone from work

oh... she needs the full information from her sister’s death :( 

another flashback?? or nightmare? hard to tell. little scully is walking down to a casket at church, seeing the blood from roberta sim dripping from it.

ah, must have been a nightmare. bill wakes her up. he asks her what she’s doing and she’s sneaking about saying there is some unfinished work she has. 

detective kresge is still being a dick as she goes and asks him for more help on this case. she thinks it was a murder!!! OHHHH she slams him over the head with the chair of facts and logic: how tf could the phone be off the hook if mr. sim called the police when he found her????? checkmate.

and she DEMANDS an autopsy. queen of getting things done.

well, she is going to do that autopsy herself. and she doesn’t find any evidence of pills in roberta sim's stomach!! this dude doing the autopsy with her is also being a dick. why is everyone so mean to scully all of the time? i have said it before and i will say it again: i can throw hands

she finds a needle puncture in roberta sim's foot!!! it was meant to be overlooked. ohohoh, something is afoot here.

so they go to mr. sim’s house and he starts yelling at scully right away, saying it is her fault that he is being investigated, and what do they find but a NEEDLE!!! he claims it is for daily anemia injections for his daughter. scully lets him know that they are going to check that claim out. 

there are people out front watching her????? when she sees them, they leave. ummm.....

so she sneaks back into bill’s place at night to find the reports she ordered on melissa and the mysterious daughter emily. and the DNA tests match up perfectly!!!!

maggie enters!!!! and she asks where she was all day!!!

she tells maggie to sit down… and explains how the two sets of DNA match. 

(very dramatic fade to black as scully tells her emily is melissa’s daughter)

she is now explaining to maggie that according to the tests they ran, there is a 60% chance that melissa is emily’s mother. and it lines up with the time that melissa was running up and down the coast, and no one knew where she was!!! maggie is shocked because she is sure melissa would have told her if she was having a baby. i can imagine that this is hard to hear.

maggie isn’t listening, however, and tries to explain that scully is still connected to melissa, which is why she is projecting this child upon her... ?????????????????

(i think she is trying to be supportive of scully's grief, but also writing her off as irrational, which feels like a slap in the face. girl... she did not hallucinate the gene testing out of sadness ???)

(i am 90% sure that scully is the only one in this family that actually goes to therapy. because the reactions of her family seem to indicate this)

a flashback scene to teenage years, where young scully and melissa are shaking presents before christmas, trying to figure out what they are. OHHHH IT’S HER FAMOUS NECKLACE…. and maggie, who catches them in the act of their crime, puts it around her neck, saying it means god is with you and watching over you. but then it turns into a vision of herself. oh poor scully and her terrible flashback nightmares :(

the detective is here to see her. they found huge bank deposits from mr. sim!!! one was deposited- from his wife- after she was dead!! and they’re all coming from a pharmaceutical company!!!! this is deeply suspicious…

emily is a patient at this clinic, where they were allegedly treating her for a rare type of anemia. key word: allegedly

oh this is really juicy. mrs. sim wanted to pull her from the trial, but the pharmaceutical company made payments to keep her involved. and this doctor- dr. calderon- says he gave that medicine they found in roberta sim's system not to emily, but for mr. sims, who said he was suffering from migraines!!!

mr. sim HATES to see them coming, and he is now under arrest for REAL.

scully takes emily and puts her into her carseat. and emily grabs her necklace!!! scully looks deeply amused. 

OH MY GOD, SHE GIVES HER THE NECKLACE???? she must be really convinced that is melissa’s baby for her to part with the necklace. it means she wants god to watch over her……… she is so sad as they drive away

bill is having a navy christmas party while scully sits there sadly. bill summons her to the kitchen. he wants to know what her deal is!! 

MAGGIE TOLD BILL ABOUT HOW SHE THINKS EMILY IS MELISSA’S BABY??? mrs. scully CANNOT keep a secret to save her life omfg....

“she called you from beyond the grave to tell you that? sounds like something that partner of yours would say” <- bill, you can count your days.

“it does not matter where that phone call came from. what matters is that there is a little girl who needs my help” <- YOU TELL HIM!! she must do the right thing, always and forever

“this isn’t about any little girl, dana. it’s about you. it’s about some… emptiness, some void inside yourself that you’re trying your hardest to fill” <- okay this is it. bill, i hated you before, but if i were her, i would go no contact at this moment 

(as i edit my notes, i am all the more shocked by his cruelty and his unending ability to somehow get more patronizing when you think he has reached his peak. just a nasty guy, this bill scully. "some void inside yourself" genuinely fuck off)

“bill, i don’t expect you to understand, but i am not going to stand her and justify my…”

(her telling him off was interrupted by a phone call)

OHHH, SIM CONFESSED TO THE MURDER!!! then why did the witnesses lie about seeing him at the doctor’s office??

she leaves bill’s dumbass party to go deal with this, but the men from before who were watching her are there at sim's jail cell too!!!!

she gets out of her car and runs after them, but you cannot outrun a car… detective kresge claims those men are his lawyers, and they had to have only visited him for 10 minutes tops

OH SHIT. mr. sim tried to hang himself!!!! or did he......

scully comes back “home” to bill’s house, and he runs into her, saying he was about to go over to the neighbor's house with some cookies. she tells him that mr. sim is dead, and whoever it was that did it also framed his death as a suicide. so she must be thinking it was those guys from the car who were watching her that did it, because they had just come in to talk to him. and perhaps that those same men were responsible for the "suicide" of mrs. sim.

bill says he has to show her something. what could he possibly have at this time?????

OHHH.... it’s a photo of melissa right before the child was allegedly born, and she does not look pregnant at all. scully points out that you can have a baby without being pregnant, but bill is not having it.

oh my GOD??? he says she’s making this child into melissa’s daughter to fulfill her need? and he claims to understand, but warns that she is only going to hurt herself??

scully is a better woman than me because i would have packed my shit and left right then and there. actually, i would have left a WHILE ago. holy hell. let’s all ignore the science that the doctor did, right? because scully’s just some cRaZy gRiEVinG wOmAN!1!!1! bill honestly could not be more patronizing if he tried. that baby of his is gonna have a terrible home life.

someone is here to see her from the county to talk about the adoption (later revealed to be named chambliss). scully put in an application for adoption!!! oh my god???

chambliss says that her application isn't looking good, because she’s single, unmarried, never been in a serious relationship (and what the fuck kinda impact is that going to have on her ability to raise a child??? is one parent's love not enough?? or are they worried about her dying and emily being an orphan or something??), and in a dangerous occupation (okay, that reason actually makes sense). they’re rejecting her, and she’s crying, saying she’s questioned her priorities since she got cancer

“ever since i was a child, i’ve never allowed myself to get too close to people. i’ve avoided emotional attachment” (yeah girl we can tell…)

“perhaps i’ve been so afraid of death and dying that any connection just seemed like a bad thing. something that wouldn’t last” stop. stop i’ll cry. you love something so much and it dies anyway. like that bunny in the lunchbox.

“but i don’t feel that anymore” tears. in my eyes.

ohhhh my gosh, chambliss points out that emily would need constant supervision, that her condition is incurable, and while scully may have experience with terrible illness, she would have to relive it through the eyes of a child. and scully says she thinks she’s ready. chambliss says they’ll review her final application, and they shake hands, saying merry christmas.

so would she just??? leave the FBI?? to raise emily?? is that even possible at this point in time? or would she stay in the FBI and have to hire like the highest quality daycare of all time? i feel so bad for scully, but i don't see how this could work...

scully sits down, and is taken back to a chat with melissa years ago, before leaving for quantico. her dad is telling her that she is making a mistake, but melissa reminds her it’s not his life.

(god, her dad was mean too)

“but you know, when i started med school, it felt so right. it just seemed like that’s where i was supposed to be, and… then, by the time i graduated, i just knew it was wrong. but now the FBI feels right, and… what if that’s wrong, too?”

(and we can, and SHOULD, analyze this to hell and back. but right now i am tapped into the plot, so this might be something i come back to and write a thinkpiece on)

melissa says “there is no right or wrong. life is just a path. you follow your heart and it’ll take you where you’re supposed to go”

scully replies: “i don’t believe in fate. i think we have to choose our own path”

“well, just don’t mistake the path for what’s really important in life”

“which is what?” 

“the people you’re going to meet along the way. you don’t know who you’re going to meet when you join the FBI. you don’t know how your life is going to change…. or how you are going to change the life of others”

oh melissa... how i miss you... and she didn't know who she would meet...

ohhhh, tara wakes her up the next morning :( and it’s christmas :(

but before they can open presents, someone from the FBI is at the door with something for scully……

bill tries to sign for it and the FBI courier says no, we need dana. lmao. put him in his place.

so she opens the file and...

AND SHE TELLS THEM THAT IT SAYS SHE IS EMILY’S MOTHER????

(to be continued)

(punches wall)

okay, so i regret the words i typed earlier about me being excited for these next two episodes. WHYYYY??? why was i excited for this!!! i was a simple FOOL. i knew what was coming. and i know what is to happen next!!!

i am going to be SICK!!!! considering breaking my own rule and watching the next episode right now….. oh my gosh. wait. wait. let me try and get some more of my own thoughts out first, so that if i do go and do that, i can make them coherent….

fuck. all of them were so mean to her and she was RIGHT. everyone needs to STOP BEING MEAN TO HER. bill, i HATE YOU. maggie, you at least tried, but you SHOULD HAVE BELIEVED HER. 

man. man i cannot sit on this like i usually do. apologies, but i must continue at ONCE.

her grief………

it has been 12 hours since i watched this episode and i have somewhat gathered my thoughts. scully just feels this constant need to do the right thing, even if she doesn't know how to do it. i'm just shocked at how she was willing to drop everything and adopt this girl she thought was born to her sister, and i am shocked by the fact she remains civil with her family when they treat her like a fool. scully is by far a better person than me. but at the same time, i'm not *that* shocked, because we have always known how intense her moral compass is.

so, it was an episode where it was just scully. and while i am always deeply thankful for such an episode, it usually does come with some intense pain.

i literally cannot imagine how she must have felt hearing that she has a child she never knew about. i mean, emily was 3!! that is 3 years she was out in the world and scully had no idea!! and to have her autonomy taken from her entirely... i just cannot wrap my brain around it.

while this episode was very good, i do not think it is one i would rewatch anytime soon for sheer levels of emotion. and boy, i did in fact go ahead and watch the next one right after, something i had vowed to NEVER do, but here we are... i hope to get both of these writeups posted today so i can experience all the emotions in one weekend and then release them into the wind. except, of course, i am sure they will haunt me forever.

(melissa's love coming from beyond the grave to give her those phone calls... the ghost of christmas past... her paranormal experience leading her to family... wahhhhh)

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Love-Bites (1)

In which the relationship between you and Jungkook is just something special.

Tags/Warnings: Dog Hybrid!Reader x Idol!Jungkook, DDLG themes, sub/little headspace, soft dom!Jungkook, fluff, minor angst, established relationship, based off of this ask

Chapter length: short

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You're dead asleep with your head on his thigh, arm held hostage as your personal cuddle buddy while the rest of himself sits comfortably, watching his TV show. It's in moments like these, after having bathed with you before dressing you in your comfiest pajamas, that he tends to remember how far you've come since he's taken you in.

Because years before, a scene like that was something he himself thought might never happen.

In the beginning, he'd worried a lot about you. He could see that you were interested in everything around you; everything in his apartment seemed interesting, and most of all, you seemed to want to interact with him and be close all the time. But due to what happened in your past home, you always only sat somewhere secluded, trembling with the inner fight of whether or not to do what your brain told you, or listen to what your past had taught you.

And for a long time, you would rather let your memories lead than him, trust misused to such a degree that you couldn't find it in yourself to give him any of what was left of it.

But he'd been kind, understanding, patient. He showed you that the world never had to be scary, no matter what headspace you're in. He'd proven to you that there's nothing wrong with you, that there's nothing to fix.

He'd created an environment for you to heal in.

Jungkook remembers your first meeting vividly. He'd sat in the waiting area of the ER for info on his bandmate Jin's accidentally broken finger when he first met you. You'd been hiding underneath the seats, and your caretaker had explained to him that you're simply a 'troubled case' with an embarrassed face.

"Isn't there a way to make it easier for her?" He'd asked, looked around for someone he could maybe talk to. "Maybe bring her into a more secluded area? She looks so terrified.." He'd mumbled, unable to look away from where you'd squeezed underneath the chairs. Jungkook had always been someone with a different view on hybrids- he never understood why they had to be treated as 'lesser'or plain weird monsters, when they themselves were created by humanity in the first place.

"Its fine, really!" The caretaker had said. "She'll stay here overnight anyways."

"May I ask why?" He'd wondered, noticing with a smile how you seemed to now crawl closer to him, interested- but still scared. With a clear gaze that told the caretaker that she should just talk to him and not scold you, he'd let his hand lean down for you to maybe inspect- his suspicions correct, as you take it as an invitation to get to know him on your own terms.

"Oh, behavioral problems. She seems to have trouble sleeping, but since she doesn't talk, we don't know if it's a brain issue or just trauma." The caretaker explained, surprised how easily Jungkook had managed to get you interested and distracted from your initial fears.

"Oh my, let's hope they'll figure it out." He nodded, before looking down to where you had started to look up at him. "Isn't that right? You should only have good dreams. Sleep is important." He explained, not even sure if you were able to understand him. But it seemed like you did, because while you didn't come out of your hiding space yet, you did keep your gaze on him mostly. "I'm gonna get something to snack on. Is there something I could bring you two?" He wondered, and the caretaker waved him off before leaning down to you.

"Would you like anything?" She asked, not expecting an answer, and you didn't give one. "Maybe you can walk with him, show him what you'd like?" She tested, and much to her surprise, you actually dud seem to consider it, looking at Jungkook's back then bare hand, no ink yet to be seen on his skin. With a smile he'd reached out-

And you'd taken his hand, letting him lead you to the vending machines, later on eating the granola bar sat on his thigh. It had all just somehow immediate felt natural to the both of you- as if you'd known each other already.

It wasn't surprising to anyone that Jungkook eagerly asked for contact information of the care center you had been staying at, uncaring for any consequences of the company or his career, only focused on you. He remembers the scolding he'd received from all sides, many scared he'd rushed a decision he's gonna regret in the future, others worried for the fate of his career if it was ever revealed that you even existed. And yet, he didn't back down. He knew what he wanted, and for the first time, he pushed through. This had been his decision, and he had been ready for the consequences.

And by now, he knows you're his soulmate.

You stretch in your sleep and turn a little, body and face relaxed as you dream softly- or maybe not at all. He enjoys watching you like this. Calm, comfortable, without worry. As it should always be.

Because with him, you don't have to fear anything. With him, you'll be safe.

He promised, after all.

And he intends on keeping that promise.

[hood-ex]

How did you like mutant mayhem? who was your fav

Loved it!! I had SO much fun watching it!!

The turtles getting their groceries from shipping containers/trucks?? Brilliant! Love that take!

I was pressed when I read that Leo was going to have a crush on April, but I actually didn't mind it in this case. (Even though I 100% prefer for them to just be best friend's/family and would never want to see April with any of them). Like Leo being such a nerd made it work plus April didn't show any interest in him, so it didn't bug me like I thought it would. Now if they try to turn that into something in the future then we're gonna have a problem, but it being a one-sided thing that Leo will hopefully grow out of (quickly!) is fine.

Speaking of April, I LOVE this version of April, and I love how they switched up the reporter thing a bit with her being super anxious to be on air bc it made way for some character progression. I do tend to prefer her being quite a bit older than the turtles, but I feel like her being a teen like them works in this universe.

Also, I love it when Leo is characterized as a nerd who says cringey/nerdy things sometimes and they delivered on that beautifully here with his speeches. It's veryyy 2k12 Leo vibes. Fucking loved it. Especially loved it when Leo actually had an amazing rousing speech during the Superfly fight scene and then after Raph complimented him on it, Leo started geeking out about how cool he sounded LOL. Obsessed.

"GO NINJA, GO NINJA, GO!" I started screaming when this started playing!! Secret of the Ooze reference let's gooo!

The milking... THE MILKING... the nipples and the milking!! Mikey and Raph got milked!! That running joke killed me. Also, since Mikey got milked first, I couldn't help but compare that to 2k3 when Bishop was going to use a saw to cut into Mikey's carapace while all the other bros had to watch. Althouuugh... ngl, I kinda wish Raph had gone a little more berserk over Mikey getting milked since he's so protective, but I understand they were trying to keep the mood light even though... it was... a torture scene... so uhhh... anyway.

"6 N' THE MORNIN' POLICE AT MY DOOR!!" 😂

"He's molly-whopping me!" LMFAO I was wheezing

All the bros singing BTS for Donnie's sake, and Donnie being like, "You guys don't even know the words..." HAAA

I love it in every iteration when Splinter gets involved to save his boys and this time was no different. Hell yeah feral rat dad!!

Mikey and Mondo Gecko, hell yes!! Bro, when the explosion rocked all the turtles and Mikey was disoriented?? The way his eyes looked after that?? Yeees!

THEIR SHELLS CRACKED 😱😱😱!! That "I'm gonna crack you like pistachios" joke killed me though

WHEN THE NEW YORKERS STARTED HELPING THEM TAKE DOWN SUPERFLY YESSSS LET'S GOOOO!!

Mikey or whoever telling Raph he needed therapy ALSKDJA

All the mutants living in the sewers with the turtles?? Full House vibes!! With Bebop and Rocksteady there idk kinda weird but I guess it works for this version of them.

I could not with their high school fits like 😭 April please take them shopping 😭

All in all, I thought it was super fun and I couldn't stop laughing the entire time. There was still kiiinda more of a Leo focus this time around, but it wasn't nearly as much as the Rise movie, so I'm glad it felt more balanced between each brother (and thank god we didn't have to sit through another Leo vs. Raph type of beef thing).

I think in terms of characterization, Leo was definitely characterized the best and felt IC. I feel like there could've been a bit more development for Donnie, Raph, and Mikey. Donnie had his anime/kpop thing, Raph had his love for violence, and then Mikey... there wasn't anything super defining about him other than maybe the fact that he signed up for the improv team try outs. But honestly, I'm not that mad at it because I'm sure they'll get more fleshed out in the TV show that's coming in the future. Now that they're attending school, I do kinda hope that Donnie takes some kinda robotics/woodworking/science classes because I'd love to see him develop the skills he's always depicted with.

As for my fav, I mean, it should be noted that Mikey is always my guy and that I'm usually going to focus on him the most in every scene, but other than him, I'd say Leo. I also really enjoyed April, Splinter, and Superfly though.

[hotchs-big-hands]

Today turned out to be Pretty Bad™ stuck down very awful bad memory lane and I just wanna clarify to ppl why I may not always answer dms/asks etc. I've only really told one person on here the big details about this, and I won't go into all the details here either but it'll be enough to explain why. I hope anyway. Idk why I'm doing this.

I'll give a quick tl;dr here because it is long and also goes into very triggering topics such as self harm/suicide.

Basically I used to have a very close best friend, who I'll call shithead, back in early 2018 until late 2022 who extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive and just very overall toxic. If you've ever seen me refer to a "shithead" in tags or whatever then its about the person imma talk abt here. I was essentially the person they turned to to talk them out of doing things to themselves, if you get me. As well as a lot of other stuff. Ended up getting therapy (but not for the right reasons tbh) and also got a bad coping mechanism where I tend to not talk to people, I keep my distance and its smth I wanna tackle but it's difficult. So if you haven't heard back from me it's not cuz I don't like you, I am fighting with my brain. Also I kinda question if I actually am a good person or not because of stuff that I did in retaliation to this person.

I'll get into details now under the cut but yeah don't read if self harm/suicide/toxic dynamics are something you don't want to hear about for whatever reason.

As above, in early 2018 I used to have a different fanfic blog for a different fandom. I won't go into detail about which fandom and what the blog was but it was fairly popular. This is how I came to be friends with them. And like at the beginning it was fucking great! We became fast friends and we had a lot of shared interests. They introduced me to a lot of games, TV shows etc. But that's also where the problems started.

They were one of those types of fans. The "very possessive over certain characters" type of fan. If they liked them and had a crush on them then you couldn't do the same cuz character belonged to them. Which at the time I didn't rly like but I used to be friends with someone in high school who was also like that about characters so I assumed it was just a thing ppl did. However, it escalated to if I had a character I liked then they'd for some reason not like them and in fact hated them. This was kinda draining cuz they never wanted to talk abt stuff I liked, without actually directly saying so. They'd just shit talk them the whole time or say they hate them. So I stopped talking about what I liked. Later, they'd suddenly really like said media or characters and only then was it fine to talk about them. But in turn they'd be possessive and if I said oh okay I'll step back from them they would make me feel like I was being stupid because "no they didn't say I couldn't like them".

Anyway thats not rly the worst of it of course, the actual bad stuff is now so again, final warning for self harm/suicide. Will square off the triggering sections.

*********************

They struggled with their mental health a lot. Like a lot. I'd be there for them to listen, offer help and support because I like to take care of ppl and make sure they'll be okay. Except it escalated to them using me to talk them out of harming themself and killing themself. And this was almost everyday/night. And need I just say they were an hour ahead of me as well btw. I went to university in 2019 originally and by December I was completely burnt out because I spent every day and night making sure they didn't fucking do anything to themself. I got at most 2-3 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and I stopped doing my hobbies and uni work because I just had no drive to do them anymore. It was clear I was also suffering mentally. I was suicidal and thinking of harming myself as well (and unfortunately I did do so a couple times). But I prioritised them. Everything was triggering for them, and I mean that. I had a long list pinned to my wall of everything I was to avoid mentioning because it would trigger them.

They never took care about my own mental health btw, which I'm not saying they HAD to but I know it was because they just didn't care. And they said as much too. They said because they are autistic they have no empathy and therefore do not feel anything about my mental health. So I suffered basically alone.

*********************

I dropped out of uni in early 2020 and in fact went home the weekend lockdown began in the UK. Things were not good. I was still trying to be support for shithead, I went to therapy and started medication for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get better so I could take care of them. Which like. Never do that. Never go to therapy so you can be someone else's therapist. Go to therapy because YOU want to be better for YOURSELF.

We were in in a bigger friendship group spread across a few discord servers and they all broke down one way or another. One instance there was an argument between shithead and a bunch of others who were comparing who had it worse during ww2. The others were Americans but were also of Jewish heritage with family who were affected by the holocaust and shithead lives in a country near where the holocaust happened with relatives who went through a famine. Either way it was just not gonna be a good conversation. Shithead left, I stayed and like I already don't rly talk to people much in groups because its overwhelming but I did do a little bit. Someone who was friends with shithead and still in the server told shithead I was talking to the others and in turn I basically betrayed shithead. Hindsight I wish I had just left the server ages before and like maybe j shouldn't have talked to the others idk. I regret it either way and think abt it a lot.

Another few shitty things I did in response to how shithead would treat me is giving them the silent treatment, giving short answers etc. I wanted them to feel bad, but it would round back to me being told I'm a coward and horrible to them. Which maybe I was but frankly I was scared of them.

*********************

Things began to rly break down when they showed me their fresh self harm wounds, blood and all, because they were "bored". I didn't talk to them for a few days and their apology wasn't much of an apology, more just making excuses again (aka I have autism so it's not my fault). I started talking less and less because by this point my brain had had enough ig and began to close off from them and just ppl in general.

*********************

In 2022 I finally returned to university and thats also when I finally stopped talking to them. A few months ago I finally blocked them on everything. However, I still struggle with communication and don't rly do it much. It's difficult to maintain friendships and I don't trust easily. I plan on going back to therapy whenever i can because this is just unresolved. But yeah idk I'm sorry to everyone who I haven't responded to, or take a long time to respond to.

One thing that is good tho is that like, after shithead I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't rly watch or hyperfixate on anything. But last year around this time I came across an Aaron Hotchner x plus size reader fic and I've been obsessed with him since!! And now here we are, got a blog and everything for a fandom finally after so long :) so it's not all bad.

But yeah that's why I struggle keeping up with messages and asks. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you've read this far then thank you and you mean a lot. Big hugs to yawl and I hope yawl have a lovely day, and if not then please take it easy 💖💖💖💖

[alarrytale]

Hi, so I'm not saying that heterosexuality doesn't sell. It's proven that with TS and Harry etc. But I do think the industry is a bit out of touch with what young people want. I'm a teacher and there are still young people who are attracted to heartthrobs but it's not the default anymore, like it used to be back in the day with boybands and mass hysteria. There are more young people now who are looking for interesting artists/actors who challenge gender norms and social norms, and they tend to be queer artists. Queer artists are seen as more desirable than straight artists, they're more interesting! That's why we get queerbaiting now. When an artist CO there will be people who will immediately support them because they want to support minorities like queer artists. Young people are also becoming more progressive and want to support progressive artists. So yes there is still demand for heartthrobs but there is so much demand for interesting artists. Male hearthrobs are often closeted and they have zero personality because they're a blank slate for women to project on. But they're also so boring!!!! They would be so much more interesting if they could CO and be themselves, but I get that it's easier said than done. The only thing is that I don't know how gay men will fare. Sexually fluid and bisexual men can be very desirable to young women as they're more interesting than straight men but a gay man will put an end to their fantasies so I'm not sure about that. But there are also straight women who love gay men. They love these gay tv shows. So I don't know what the answer is here. Ideally it would be better if the industry brought in some straight young men to target women instead of closeted gay men. When Harry stunted with Olivia he gained lots of older women as fans as they think that he's interested in 'milfs'. Do you think that will make it harder to come out? Because as a whole, older women aren't usually as progressive as younger women. They might not take it so well.

Hi, anon!

I think an audience responds well to someone who's authentically themselves, and like you say, have a personality and are desireable. If you're interesting, rule-bending and original you will be regarded as cool and gain attention. I think people are drawn to what's relatable, what's deemed as cool among peers and what you can project onto. Not just heterosexual fantasies, but you live your life through the artist or celebrity. You want to look like them, behave like them and be them. You want to have their freedom, talent, money and be as sexually attractive as them.

If you as an artist or celebrity manage to still be relatable and be regarded as cool, i think being gay/lesbian is no problem. Like i've said before, unless you do a personality transplant i think you'll be okay.

Harry's target audience aren’t milfs. Too many milfs as fans and you'll loose the younger females. You don’t want to drool over the same man as your mum. If the milfs don't take it too well when Harry comes out, then good riddance. They'll be replaced easily.

[copperbadge]

So, my roommate (and because limited space, me) has been watching Chicago Fire as of late, and OH MY GOD YOUR CITY LOOKS TERRIFYING!

Is TV doing it an injustice in the name of TV, or is my Canadian self never, ever visiting Chicago.

Honestly I haven't watched any of the Chicago [Franchise] shows in years, and I never really watched regularly, so I'm not sure if the terrifying is because of all the disasters, or because they're not showcasing the city visually very well, or if there's just a lot of crime being portrayed....

I think there are probably a few contributing factors, though. For one, you're seeing a show centered around people who respond to disasters, so you're gonna see a lot of disasters :D We don't...have that many disasters, generally. Well, possibly we do but they're spread out around the city, you know? I have not personally witnessed a disaster of any kind in quite a while.

Two, while we like to invite TV and movies to film here, we don't actually make it super easy. So especially with a TV show, which has a smaller budget and not as much goodwill because they'll be around a lot longer, they tend to film in areas of Chicago that don't have a lot of people or don't have a lot of people willing to complain. So you get a lot of footage near vacant lots, under train tracks, in chicagoland alleys, depressed areas of the city, etc. You are definitely not seeing the city at its finest. I think there are actually some pretty strict rules about filming in parks, especially, so you rarely get to see our many gorgeous parks!

Chicago does have a fair amount of crime, that much is true. We have a problem with poverty, a problem with gun violence, and a problem with racial inequity, particularly in areas of the south side. That said, the high incidence of violent crime is generally confined to a pretty small region of the city. By and large Chicago is actually quite safe to be in. I'm out in the city, on foot, at all hours, relatively frequently; I used to run regularly at 3am and the worst I ever encountered (other than the pigeon incident) was drunk drivers going the wrong way up Michigan Avenue.

And of course Chicago is famous for its crime -- both the crime it has now and its history of grift, violence and bootlegging, political corruption, et cetera. So media that is explicitly set in Chicago tends to want to play that up, the same way media in the 90s and early 2000s played up violence and ugliness in New York long after New York had begun drastically lowering its crime rate. Chicago's a tough town! It's fulla crime! It takes a real hero to live here and do the right thing! blah, blah. It's an unearned reputation.

Anyway. You should come to Chicago! We're actually extremely lovely as a city, and we are very friendly as a people. Stay in the loop or South Loop, go to the Art Institute and the Field Museum, stroll around Grant Park, head north to the Lincoln Park Zoo or south to the Museum of Science and Industry, go to Wicker Park to see the hipsters and go thrifting or go to Fulton Market to get a gourmet meal. Come to my own beloved Printer's Row for our Litfest! Don't let the fire trucks fool ya. :D

[zilodak]

I'm relatively new to your blog so I apologize if this has already been answered (I couldn't find a recent ask on it and couldn't find a FAQ page to make sure I wasn't asking something that'd already been asked) but may I ask how you get character face shapes down so accurately? Even your sketches seem like they have highly accurate character facial proportions down to a science, and I was wondering if you use any specific methods for that (such as Reilly or Loomis method for head-drawing) - 1/2

No need to apologize, I've never been asked this before!

So to answer your ask, I think it's important that I tell you that the characters I draw on my blog are characters that I have been drawing non-stop for more than a year, so I'm kind of used to their facial structures as far as like ease goes.

So it's just natural progression at that point.

On top of that I keep a bunch of references of them, including their 3D models and multiple Pinterest boards. For example, the reference I used for the middle one was this:

Nowadays I don't really use 3D references and when I do, it's only loosely based on them. But when I started out, it was a great tool for me to learn face structures and difficult angles. I have files of me tracing the models' faces and then drawing them from scratch, that I haven't shared online because they were for me to practice, but those really helped me with studying faces and how they look from different angles. For the third one, the only thing I really referenced was myself and my expression (as well as some face features i.e. my nose and eyes). As my style and understanding of facial structures progressed, I became more comfortable giving Daud some of my Southwest Asian features while also trying to keep him recognizable (e.g. his hair, his ears, his narrow chin).

The greatest thing to come out of these exercises and fanart is that now I have a good grasp on faces just generally. My OCs now don't look flat and all of those 3D studies really helped me understand proportions and feature placements better. So my advice to you would be to just practice with 3D models if you can, the trick is to really think about what you're doing tho, and pay attention to proportions and structures.

For expressions, I really just use myself as a model, or go to Pinterest and search up what I want. Usually, I don't need Pinterest for this though, my parents will just walk into my room and look at me doing all kinds of facial expressions in front of my mirror. Sometimes, TV shows are REALLY good expression references too! Some good references might just come at you from the places you least expect them to.

As for my sketches... they might look clean but they're not my initial sketches. Often I will have multiple layers, and I usually tend to just clean up my sketches instead of doing lineart, it just ends up giving me a more natural look at the end.

No matter who you talk to, they'll say that my initial sketches are incomprehensible, but as long as the sketches makes sense to you then there is no problem! I usually find that loosely sketching the idea before it disappears from my fleeting memory helps me capture the mood, no matter how bad it looks lol. I then try to rationalize it but drawing the face by creating the circle first and then the cheeks and jaw, as well as the ears. I then go onto sketching the features which I will then clean up for the final version.

I think that coloring the face is just as important as sculpting the sketch. Light sources and shadows can help really articulate certain features and show the face's depth better. For that I usually use this tool right here as reference!

https://www.artstation.com/artwork/GX3Ax1

It's free and it's super useful!

I hope that this answers your question a bit!

[fedonciadale]

An ask to shake things up a little from That Other Topic: You and I both loved the WoT tv show, but nothing's perfect, of course, so what would you change about it if you could? What do you think could have been done better? Is there anything you're hoping they'll improve on next season? I want to hear your thoughts!

Hi there!

I'll talk gladly about that!

I wouldn't change that much to be honest, mostly because there are quite a lot of things that we'll have to see how they develop in later seasons. And there are changes I'm definitely very happy about.

My main problem was pacing. I think the season should have had 10 episodes and longer as well. There were some things that were underdeveloped and difficult to understand for Non book readers. Take Padan Fain! He was shown several times following the EF5 but it was too short to stand out. So, I don't know if show watchers even got his importance.

I know the actor left but I would have introduced the next Mat actor for episode 7 and 8. It was noticeabke that they tried very hard to work around that and it didn't quite work. Padan Fain had to confront Mat, Perrin made no sense.

I would have had Nynaeve heal Egwene in episode 8, not the other way round - or if Egwene really used the 'flame of Tar Valon' weave show that it was something super special and not normal channeling.

I'm a bit torn about the fact that they haven't introduced yet in detail that the True Source has two halves - Saidin was mentioned only on the age of legends cold open. And as much as the gender essentialism of the True Source is problematic in itself it is a huge part of the world building. And Moiraine mentioned only once that women and men can't see each other channeling. It's not easy to find a way around the male-female binary but I think it could be done : it could be too dangerous for humans to touch the source as a whole and that is why they can only touch one half. (The counterpart of the One Power the Dark One's Power is only one and it's too addictive - so that makes sense). Then you could have men tending to Saidin and women to Saidar (maybe especially if they have the spark) but enbys or trans people (people who can choose to learn) could choose. That's my solution anyway and I wonder how they will tackle that problem. It's a rather important part of the story that Rand needs a teacher after all. And that he is not exempt from going mad. I certainly would keep that in the show women and men seem to be equally strong.

In general I'm happy about how they handle romance. Lan / Nynaeve was one of the few ships I liked and it is now even better! Not sure about Perrin / Egwene though. On a rewatch I saw it but I'm not sure where they are going with that. Otherwise they can only improve on the romances in comparison to the books and they already did!

For my part they could just have scratched Min. Sigh. She's part of the show though and there is hope they just skip her attitude towards Egwene (which I hated so much in the books). I guess I'll never like her but I may be able to tolerate her. Lol. If I could change the polycule without enraging the fans, I would make Elayne and Aviendha bisexual, let them both have a crush on Rand (and get their one night stands) but I'd let them end up with each other and Rand either on his own (everybody really thinks he is dead) or if it can't be helped with Min. Actually anything but that weird male fantasy Jordan wrote....

I think it's reasonable to expect that they merge book 2 and 3 for the next season. Book 2 is still very much centered on Rand and he's barely there in book 3. If they want to keep making this an ensemble it makes sense to try to combine book 2 and 3 - it would help to reduce repetitive duels as well. We could end season 2 with Rand holding Callandor... That would be nice. The girls could escape the Seanchan mid-season and still end up chasing dark friends in Tear (you don't reall need the Seanchan to vanish completely. Moiraine could regain her strength in a fight with one Forsaken! Perrin could meet Faile already.

There's still so many thoughts! I can barely wait for season 2!

[erensnubs]

𝑩𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒕

Oikawa x F! Reader

Chapter 1

Word count: 1.9k

RANDOM POST:

You let yourself be held by Matsukawa with Hanamaki's legs thrown over yours. 

"Mrs. Darcy ....Mrs. Darcy…. Mrs. Darcy ....Mrs. Darcy," Mr. Darcy says to Lizzie on the T.V screen. 

Hanamaki sniffles, "Yo I thought this was gonna be cringey but I'm crying right now." 

Matsukawa nods, silent tears rolling down his face. You smile a little and both pat them affectionately.

"Pride and Prejudice, will always be timeless. The book and the movie. I honestly think it's great either way. And Mr. Darcy is just UGH perfect," you say sniffling yourself and resting your head on the pillows. 

It's been 1 month since you arrived at Aoba Johsai, and you settled in with Hanamaki and Matsukawa as your "in school friends". You've been hanging out together now, and even more so because of volleyball practice and you being manager. 

You got close enough to each other that now you were bundled up with blankets, with Hanamaki laying on you and being held by Matsukawa. Popcorn, chips and candy are laying on the ground everywhere with CD's stacked up on the ground. 

"Bro this is actually a good show," Hanamaki says looking up at Matsukawa.

"Yo can you be quiet because I'm trying to process this shit," Matsukawa says and you start laughing. 

"Okay okay, the next movie is called…." You say searching through the pile.

"....10 Things I Hate About You!" You say pulling out the CD and sliding off the couch. 

"What's this one about?" Hanamaki asks, "Is it like a history one like the one we just watched?" 

You scoff, "No, this is totally different. It's a highschool one. I'm not going to explain it because it's confusing so just watch it." 

You put the CD in and the TV starts up to play the movie. You walk back to the couch as Matsukawa scoots to make some room. 

"Yo, [Name], tell me when the movie's actually starting because Iwa and Oikawa are texting me right now and say they wanna talk," Matsukawa says sliding off the couch. 

"You too Makki." 

Hanamaki looks at Matsukawa weirdly, "Wait why? I wanna watch the movie." 

Matsukawa shrugs his shoulders,"Just come over for a bit, it'll probably be short. You cool with that [Name]?" 

You nod. You weren't surprised that Oikawa and Iwaizumi wanted to talk to them. They were friends for a while and what you gathered from their perspective, you sort of ruined their whole dynamic. 

Especially Oikawa. The volleyball captain, despite your best efforts to try and communicate with him as manager, he'd make up some random excuse or fakely answers your question with that annoying sarcasm and perfectionism that everyone seemed to buy. 

Other than that the man literally glared at you, staring spears into your eyes when you caught him looking. You wish you could talk to him about it but it was made very clearly, he didn't like you "stealing" his friends. 

"Wait so you're from?" Matsukawa says at the lunch table. 

"I'm from [Country], but my parents moved here in Japan for my 1st year of highschool for business and because they move around a lot I've been staying at my Aunt's. I went to Karasuno for a while, then my parents decided I should enroll here," you say, picking at your lunch. 

Matsukawa smiles, "Hey that's pretty cool, our volleyball team is actually having practice with them! Soon I think.... I'm not sure. I can ask Oikawa… wait! He's here!" 

Matsukawa and you turn to the tall man, with the brown locks. 

"Oikawa! Come sit with me, [Name], and Hanamaki today! You too Iwa!" 

The two men came over and now you were sitting between Matsukawa and Hanamaki while facing Oikawa and Iwaizumi. 

Oikawa gives an indifferent stare at you for a split second before resuming a happy disposition. 

"Who might you be?" He asks. 

Your body physically retreats back because he made it seem like he does know you, but wanted to take a stab at you. 

What the fuck is his problem, you think. 

"It's [Name]. And you're Iwaizumi and Oikawa?" 

Iwaizumi nods, before Oikawa cuts him off icily, "Yeah yeah. I guess what I'm asking is what are you doing here at the volleyball table?" 

Ok so he DEFINITELY doesn't like you and Iwaizumi seems to sense this because he shoves Oikawa's shoulder. 

He pulls Oikawa by his arm and abruptly stands up, "God, I apologize about that. Me and Oikawa are going to sit somewhere else." 

And with that you were left with a confused Hanamaki and an equally confused Matsukawa, struggling to comprehend what happened. 

You've been meaning to talk to Hanamaki about this, but you decided against it. You shouldn't be meddling in their affairs anyway. They were friends longer and Oikawa was probably just having a bad day. You assured yourself with baseless rumors about how Oikawa was a happy-go-lucky boy who was talented, smart and kind to others. Surely he couldn't be bad? 

The stares, condescending smirks, and judgemental stares said otherwise. It was as if he gave everyone special treatment, except you. And you really didn't know why. 

Until today, you're gonna eavesdrop on their conversation. 

You tug on Hanamaki and motion for him to lean into you. He complied and you whisper in his ear. 

"Hey just for fun can I listen to the call? I promise I won't make any sound," you say and beam up at him. 

Hanamaki pulls back from your face and laughs, "Sure you're too freaking cute to say no to anyways. Mattsun! Can [Name] listen in? Just for fun?" 

You turn to Matsukawa and say, "I promise I won't say anything or make any sounds." 

Matsukawa smirks, "I don't really care. It's probably about homework anyways." 

You and Hanamaki share a devil-like smile. Something unspoken was between the two of you, and you both concluded that this conversation was most definitely not about homework. 

Suddenly a voice picks up on Matsukawa's phone and he puts it on speaker.

"Hey? What do you guys need?" he says, calmly. 

Iwaizumi's voice cut through, "Nothing just, Oikawa's a little upset." 

Hanamaki jumps in, "Wait why?" 

Iwaizumi sighs, "He's not telling me, but I think he's upset that you guys are with [Name] and not hanging out with us. Which is weird because we literally hang out a lot together and this is sort of like a once in a while thing right?" 

You slap your hand to your face and Hanamaki buries his face into your shoulder, trying to stifle your laughs. 

Matsukawa clears his throat, "Uh yeah? So what do you want us to do? Want us to invite you guys over? My parents aren't home so I don't think they'll mind having you come over." 

Oikawa's voice, clear as day rings through the phone. 

"Oh so a GIRL is alright at your house?" 

Your eyes widen as you share a look with Matsukawa. You were tempted to grab the phone and give the guy a piece of his mind but Hanamaki grabbed your wrist. 

"Man, chill. This is one of the only times she can come over. And I didn't think you would care so much about her, when you literally have girlfriends left and right," Matsukawa says, earning an approving look from you. 

Iwaizumi talks, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Oikawa hates her guts because of some of the attention she's getting- 

"Am not!" 

"-because she's the new manager, new student and she quickly became friends with you two and the team…" 

Then Iwaizumi suddenly whispers, "Or Oikawa thinks she's interesting and you know.." 

Hanamaki looks at you and you jerk your head to the phone. 

"Uh… what do you mean?" 

You hear Iwaizumi slap himself in the forehead, "He thinks she's interesting romantically dipshits." 

Matsukawa snaps his fingers, "Oh he wants to fuck her?" He looks at you and wiggles his eyebrows. 

You furrow your eyebrows and flip him off. 

"What no? I mean I guess? I don't know…" 

Hanamaki looks at Matsukawa questioningly. And this time, you didn't know what it meant. 

Hanamaki barely mouths, "But doesn't he-" 

Matsukawa glares at him with a "let's continue this conversation later" look. 

"Uh alright Iwaizumi, I'm gonna let you go now… byeeee", He says. 

"Wait Mattsun no-". 

You stare nonchalantly at the screen, "Well you know that was…" 

Hanamaki finishes,"Interesting? No more scandalous." 

You punch him in the arm, "Wow did watching a Jane Austen movie expand your vocabulary? Maybe we should ask our English teacher to watch period pieces for our class.” 

Matsukawa laughs, “And hear this man’s ANNOYING crying! In class? Hell no.” 

Hanamaki scoffs, “First of all shut the fuck up Mattsun, and second, I see what you did there. Turning the attention to me.”

He looks back at you and you give a disinterested look. 

“Sure, but it's not really anything new. I’ve had plenty of people who hated me at first actually wanted to get to know me. I can’t blame that. People tend to do that when they encounter something new," you tell them. 

"I don't blame Oikawa for being, I don't know, a bitch to me. I did kind of steal some time away from all of you to hang out together." You shrug the volleyball jacket Hanamaki gave you back on and look at the boys. 

Matsukawa sighs, "Don't think about it too much [Name]. He's probably stressed and stuff about volleyball and all his school things. And honestly don't hook up with him, he's sorta a player." 

You nod and turn your attention to the T.V, but you can't ignore the weird look Matsukawa and Hanamaki give each other before finally settling in and watching the movie. 

MATSUKAWA POV: 

He sees Hanamaki not so subtly come back to the couch, but [Name] doesn't mind the intrusion. 

Truth be told, Matsukawa did care for [Name], but not as much as Hanamaki did. To him, [Name] was just another friend he could vibe with. For Hanamaki, it was much more. 

He didn't exactly know Hanamaki's motives with [Name]. He knew they were somewhat platonic, but he couldn't tell for sure. 

As for Oikawa… yeah that was clueless for him. He didn't want to agree right away with Makki, his pride wouldn't allow that, but he was right. Oikawa did find [Name] interesting, romantically. 

He saw it in the way his eyes would immediately trail over to her when she walked to class. How Oikawa would cover his face "casually", when she would randomly waltz around the room with him. When Oikawa would purposely wait a while and then join the lunch line so he could go near [Name]. Sometimes, Matsukawa could literally see Oikawa undressing her with his eyes when she was at volleyball practice and she was running back and forth getting water bottles and towels, sweat covering her like sheet. 

He noticed and kept them to himself. Matsukawa Issei didn't owe anybody the information he had. So he kept it to himself. He really didn't have to tell anybody. 

So that's what he did. Like how he's probably going to keep this information and statements from Iwa and Makki to himself as well. He won't confront Oikawa about it, nor will he meddle with Oikawa's relationship.

But what he will do is subtly give you hints about what's going on. He thinks you're a smart enough girl, that once he gives you the directions you'll figure it out. 

As to why he wants to do it. He doesn't know. Perhaps, you've grown on him. 

Yes. Perhaps you did.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION TO DISCLOSE

[Name] is used to men's lewd behavior because they will do ANYTHING to sleep with ANYBODY she thinks 

Matsukawa and Hanamaki trust [Name], but not enough to give her The Look 

Matsukawa and Hanamaki know something that [Name] doesn't. 

 Prev/ next

Taglist: @saladskittles @tanakasimpcorner

A note from Chef Tina: I used pics art for the random posts!

[elaineiswithyou-blog]

Greetings! Can I get an Overwatch matchup please? Have a nice day! 🥰

Fandom: Overwatch

What’s your age?: 16

Sexuality: Straight

Gender I.D:��Female

Likes:

Reading Books

Writing

Playing video games

Watching true crime documentaries

Watching movies/tv shows (I mostly watch horror, action and sci-fi movies)

Listening to 70's, 80's and 90's music.

Boxing

Learning about Technology

When it's raining outside.

Dislikes:

Spiders. I have arachnophobia

Toxic and Narcissistic people. Some of my family members are very toxic and narcissistic.

Hobbies:

Listening to music

Writing

Watching True Crime Documentaries.

Playing Video Games

Studying

What are you like/ what’s your personality:

My MBTI: ENTJ/INTJ, Hogwards House is Gryffindor and my love language is Acts of Service.

Okay, so I'm basically the stoic type. I don't really laugh or smile when I'm outside. I'm a reserved person and sharing my feelings and thoughts to someone weirds me out. Unless it's someone whom I love the most. When I'm in my house, you can see me giggle or laugh like a maniac. I have a bit of dark humour and Sometimes, I laugh at the wrong moment. It sucks and it got me into trouble multiple times. I'm very dominant and arrogant. Sometimes, a little annoying since I get clingy when uncomfortable. I'm a hot headed person, so it's very easy to make me angry. Sometimes, I get a little insensitive which hurts others' feelings. I really didn't mean to do that. It just comes out of my mouth when I'm in a salty mood. I'm also dominant and Independant. I have the "I don't give a sh*t" attitude. I don't involve myself in any drama. I love peace and quiet. When people see me for the first time, they'll either be scared of me because I have a resting b*tch face and dominant and sarcastic attitude OR they'll think of me as a super sweet shy girl. If someone stares at me, I'll stare at them back and make them uncomfortable. I'm very hard working and I have goals in my life. There are times where I overwork myself which makes me grumpy afterwards. I don't wanna talk to anyone. I'll just go to my room and play video games or watch YT. I'm very supportive, loyal and protective of my family and friends. I'm not really good at emotional support, but I'm really good at solving their problem. When I'm in my house with the ones I'm super close to, I do a lot of weird stuff. I'm a weirdo and it's something that not a lot of people will think of me being when alone or with my close ones. I'm a little out of touch with romantic stuff. I try my best though. I'm a huge nerd/geek and I'll start rambling about my interests to someone. They wouldn't understand, but I still do it for some reason.

Where are you from*: India

Favorite color*: Black, Purple, Red and Blue

Favorite animal*: Wolf, Tiger, Lion, Elephant and Horse.

Favorite sport*: Basketball

Favorite food*: Anything Spicy. (I mostly like Mexican and Indian food).

Do you have a pet*: Yes, a cat and a dog

Do you have any mental illnesses*: Anxiety

Do you have any physical disabilities*: No

Do you have any siblings*: Yes, a sister.

If so, what are they like*: She's very intelligent, level-headed, charming and charismatic. It's fun to be around her and she's very protective of us (only if we earn her trust as she has trust issues) She's also a good friend and she's practising medicine.

Do you speak any foreign languages*: Malayalam and a little bit of Hindi

Reading, writing, watching movies or playing videogames*: All of them!

What’s your job*: Student

What’s your dream job*: Scientist

I’d match you with Jack Morrison/Soldier 76. You guys are both very serious and stoic people. You run a very tight ship together, sort of like mother and father though you are much more lenient with the rules than he is. When you two fight, however, you both get really nasty and tend to avoid each other for a few days which can be kind of stressful to the others. Eventually, you and him make up, mostly when he quietly plays your guy's song(two oruguitas is a great pick) to convince you he isn’t mad anymore and just wants to make amends. You and him are both out of touch a bit when it comes to romance but his favorite thing to do with you is just sway with you to music.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy-Nine

Words: 4.1k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, explicit sexual situations, substance abuse, mentions of assault

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LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

I hum along to the Christmas music softly playing over the speakers of the grocery store as I walk down the aisles, pushing my buggy, looking at the different types of cereal. 

Nikki doesn't like sweet cereals aside from Captain Crunch, so I just grab a box of it before heading to grab toilet paper and paper towels, along with some eggs, and head to the checkout line, my attention stalling on a tabloid on display. 

"Nikki Sixx & Vanity: Their 'Friendship' Timeline," it reads, a picture of Vanity and Nikki plastered on the front...I exhale sharply.

I can't believe it's been four months since Vanity aired out their dirty laundry on TV. 

That means Duff and I have been together for three and a half months...

I'm quickly backing up and walking to the sexual health section, examining the many brands of pregnancy tests. 

I grab the cheapest and go back to the line. 

"I told them not to put those out," my cashier states to me when it's my turn, as she sees me give another glance to the magazine with my husband and his mistress on the front.

When she gets to the pregnancy test, she clears her throat. 

"Celebratory or...?" She asks, swiping the test. 

I pretend I don't hear her. 

I shut my trunk, my arms wrapped around grocery bags as I step to the front door, of the house, the sun setting through the neighborhood, and I sigh heavily as I grab my key. 

I haven't been home in a couple days, avoiding Nikki as much as I can, but I know we need groceries in the house and I know he hasn't left to get any, and even though I'm done with him, I don't want him to starve or something. 

Opening the front door, the house is a wreck just from a glance, and I quietly shut the door in case he's asleep, and head to the kitchen.

I quickly stop in my tracks when I see through the dim light, coming from the single lamp in the foyer, figures moving in the living room, a light littering of giggles flittering through the air…

I turn the lights on, nearly dropping the groceries to see eight girls in lingerie, girls at least in their late teens, piled on Nikki—and Steven—lips swollen from making out with each other and euphoric glows casting over all of them. 

I'm at a loss for words. 

Nikki and Steven just look at me, Steven looking like a guilty kid. 

"Is that your wife?" One of the girls straddling Nikki asks, looking at me, wide eyed. 

"Ex-wife." I correct her. 

This is where the story tends to get misconstrued. If you ask Nikki or Steven what happened, they'll tell you it went down like this…

"Vivian put the fuckin' gun down!" Nikki yells at me as I hold his shotgun, the girls screaming and scattering like roaches while he and Steven run to the backyard as I pump a bullet into the chamber and fire off, missing them by a couple inches as our wall by the back door is blown to hell, chasing after them and emptying the gun in our backyard whilst trying to shoot them. 

What actually happened…

"Get out of my house." I tell the girls harshly and they look at me, pissy. 

"If I want them here, they can be here." Nikki argues. 

"They're babies, Nikki!" I shout, and the girls all defensively simultaneously let out their ages, ranging between 18 to 20, but I honestly don't see how some of them are over 17. "Then let me see your ID." I tell them. 

"We came to hook up, we didn't come to get interrogated." One of them states. 

"Okay, well, you've had your fifteen minutes with Nikki Sixx so you can get out of my house." I repeat.

"Fuck off!" She exclaims to me and I raise my brows. 

Fuck it. 

I go to our bedroom and grab what I need, and I don't give anybody a warning before firing off shotgun shrapnel into our glass ceiling, shards of mirror raining down as I hear the girls holler and cry out in fear, scampering to the door in their heels, and once the gun is unloaded, I look in the living room and see fluffy black and blonde hair peek up from behind the couch, their eyes bugging, pupils taking up most of their eye.

When the cops showed up, I said I accidentally fired into the ceiling while trying to clean the gun. They were fans of Nikki so they didn't give us a fine for public disturbance, and they didn't ask why eight girls were in our lawn in lingerie, either.

"I cannot believe you." I grit through my teeth when Steven blocks my entrance into their rehearsal studio, his heavy panting clouding the words trying to come from his mouth. "Did you run here?!" I exclaim and he nods, still trying to catch his breath, still trying to get his apology out that I can't even hear because he's talking but not saying a word due to his breathing. "Moron." I hiss, shoving him out of my way to get inside. 

"Viv, wait!" He musters out, following me. 

"Fuck you!" I shout. 

"Vivian, please, let me—" he gasps for breath some more. 

"—I hope you're having an asthma attack or something, I really do, dumbass, I really do." I march away from him and he grabs my wrist, a pathetic look on his face. 

"Look—"

"—No, you 'look,' I refuse to be the little bitch that just lays on her back and let's everybody fuck her to hell with their bullshit. It's gross and it's disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself for even being apart of it, Steven, because I thought you wouldn't do that shit to me. Just 'haha it's so hot to do stupid shit that'll hurt Vivian,'" I mock his voice, and he tries to talk again, "No, just shut up and go suck on Nikki's balls some more because I don't think those teenage girls did it enough!" I turn on my heel go to find the guys. 

"You're not mad about their age, you're mad Nikki didn't give a fuck." He gets out, taking deep breaths and I stop and turn to look at him, rolling my jaw. "You're jealous, and you know you are, and it's okay and normal to be, Viv, I know you still—"

"—Know I still what, Steven? Hmm? Love him?" I furrow my brows, stepping to him, my heels clicking on the floor when I get face to face to him, our nose nearly touching, my voice shaking with anger as I say, "He could die tomorrow and I wouldn't give a single fuck because he's been dead to me for months. And as of right now, you are to. So don't come at with me trying to strike up some empathy for a person I feel absolutely apathetic about." I sneer quietly, turning. "And stay away from teenagers. I don't care if they're eighteen or nineteen, they're still fucking kids."

I grind my teeth together as I leave him standing in the hallway before I try to go into the girls bathroom, only for it to be locked. 

"Damn it." I mumble, holding back tears, glancing at the door of the boys bathroom. 

Without shit given, I open the door and walk in, seeing Izzy standing over the toilet, cigarette in his mouth, peeing. 

He glances over his shoulder and looks at me. 

"Viv." He says the best he can, smoke puffing past his lips. 

"Izzy." I reply, sitting my purse on the sink, digging through it. "Sorry, the girls bathroom was taken." I mumble. 

"No problem." He replies. "Not like you haven't seen it before." He adds and I roll my eyes. 

"Unfortunately." I sigh out, grabbing the box with the pregnancy test in it. "Hurry up, please." 

He looks at me to say something smart back, but looks at the box and his face falls. 

"Jesus fuck, Viv, what do you have that for?" He asks me. 

"Okay, I know you went to high school in Indiana and their version of Sex Education was just ways to stick your dick in a pickup truck's tail pipe without getting carbon monoxide poisoning, but when a man and woman have sex, they have a risk of procreation." I tell him. 

"With Duff? " He asks me with a confused face. 

"No, I got Bret Michaels and Willie Nelson to cum in a cup and I mixed it together and went from there." I sarcastically hiss.

"Fuck you, smart ass, I was asking a legitimate question." He zips his pants back up and steps aside for me. 

"Yes, with Duff. I haven't had sex with Nikki in months." I tell him. 

"Sorry, I didn't know if you were doing them both or what." He shrugs and I glare at him. 

"No. I'm not." I inform him, pulling my dress up and my panties down. 

"Okay, that's my cue." He says, turning away from me, in reference to my naked bottom half. 

"Not like you haven't seen it before." I repeat what he said earlier and he chuckles, going to open the door. "You're leaving?" I ask him, quickly, and he looks at me.

"Yeah?"

"I need support." I tell him, honestly sounding scared and he leans his head back and rubs his eyes. 

"Vivian, babe, I can just go get Duff—"

"—No, no, he doesn't need to know I even think I'm pregnant." I state, panicked. "Look, it'll take a few minutes but I can't wait for the result by myself, it'll drive me up the wall." I plead with him. 

"Well, what if you are pregnant, are you gonna tell him, then?" 

"I-I don't know." I admit. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there just, please, stay in here with me."

He lets out a heavy breath before nodding, rubbing his forehead. 

"Alright, alright. Just piss on the stick because I'm missing rehearsal for this." 

It was an agonizing wait, but once Izzy glanced at his watch and said, "alright, it's been long enough," I felt like it had only been a few seconds. 

"Maybe we should a wait a little bit more." I suggest.

"Viv, it's been ten minutes. You already put it off once before, come on, now. Cowgirl up." He tells me. 

"Okay." I breathe out, anxious, rubbing my lips together and shakily reaching for the test before quickly snatching away. "I can't do it." I say to him, shaking my head. "You look at it and tell me." 

"Vivian—"

"—Please?" I beg, giving him my best puppy dog eyes and he lets out a breath and reaches for the test, looking at it, nodding a little. 

"Well, Stripey, we're at the bridge, how're you gonna cross it?" He asks me, handing me the test, and I see a perfectly shaped "+" on it. 

I started to panic, and think irrationally, as I do when I'm backed into a corner. So in my panicked state, the best thing I saw for me to do, was...

"You are fucking insane." He tells me sharply, leaning against the sink. "Like evil insane." 

"Izzy, I don't know what else to do aside from just get rid of it or hope and pray I miscarry, and that's kinda fucked." I explain, holding back tears. 

"You want to fuck Nikki and just play it off as his—that's more fucked up than praying the damn thing away!" He whipser yells. "And what about Duff? What the hell happens to him when you pull that shit?" 

"I don't know, Izzy, alright? But he doesn't need a kid to worry about when he's just starting to get a taste of what he's wanted for years, now, and I don't want to—"

"—He's going to be fucked up with the idea of you still screwing Nikki when he's under the impression that you two are gonna be this magical little fairytale of unicorns and sparkles and love and shit, Vivian!" 

"I know, but I don't know what else to do!" I reply in the same tone. 

"Oh, my God." Izzy exhales smoke from his fresh cigarette. "You can't tell me this shit. You shouldn't have even let me know about this because now I'm a fucking accomplice to your batshit crazy scheme." He scolds me. 

"Izzy—"

"—You are the fucking devil, Vivian. Axl was right. You are the actual devil." 

"Well, you tell me what to do, Izzy, because that's the only thing I can come up with!" 

"Why does it matter if the child is Nikki's or not, you two are getting divorced anyway, so why does it matter if it's somebody else's?" He questions, and I stay quiet. "You are filing for divorce, right?" 

More silence. 

"Oh. My. God."

"Izz—"

"—Will you quit incriminating me with you when you do stupid shit?!" He lets out, slightly panicking. "Now im gonna be fucked sideways if they find out I knew and never said anythi--why the fuck were you even screwing Duff if you weren't a thousand percent sure you were gonna leave Nikki?!" 

"Because I thought I was but no—"

"—Izz, you alright?!" 

"Duff." Izzy  mouths to me. "Shhhit." 

"Answer him." I mouth back. 

"Yeah, man, I'm good...just really, um, fucked on that pizza from earlier!" He lies as I shove the pregnancy test box back in my purse along with the test, and zip it up. 

"Okay, dude, just making sure!" Duff replies, the sound of him walking away letting us know the coast is clear. 

Just to make sure Izzy sticks his head out of the door, and glances at me. 

"Go," he motions and I do. "Last door on the left of that hall." He adds and I go in that direction, opening the door and seeing Axl, Duff, Slash and even Steven has joined them. 

"Hey," Duff's face lights up when he sees me, and be puts his bass down as I walk to him. 

He wraps an arm around my waist and leans in, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. 

"Hi," I smile when he pulls away, looking into his eyes, while I can see Izzy staring at me from the corner of my eye, taking a drink from his cup with this look on his face like I've just killed his best friend. 

I honestly might if I'm not careful. 

Once their rehearsal is over, it's around 5:00pm, and my stomach is killing me. 

"Can we get food?" I ask him, my hand in his as we step to the parkinglot. 

"No, I'm just gonna let you starve." He sarcastically lets out and I cut my eyes up at him. "Where do you wanna eat?" He asks next, letting my hand go so he can grab his pack of Marlboros and settle one between his lips, lighting it, before grabbing my hand again. 

"I don't know." I shrug. 

"I thought you said you're hungry." He says next. 

"I am—that doesn't mean I know what I want to eat." I add and he just looks at me. 

"Do you want a burger?" He suggests and I wrinkle my nose. "Okay...chicken?" Again, I don't look pleased. "Dennys?"

"That's fine with me." I nod. 

"Thank God." He sighs. "My car or yours?" He asks next. 

"Doesn't matter." I tell him. 

"Alright, we'll take mine." He says, stepping to the passenger side, opening the door for me without a second thought. 

"Aww," Slash says as he comes out of the building, teasing Duff from behind his shades and his own cigarette. 

Duff just smiles and flips him off, walking to the driver's side. 

"I'll see you later tonight, man!" Slash calls. 

"Alright!" Duff says back, shutting the door, fumbling for his keys to put them into the ignition. 

"You guys are going out tonight?" I ask him as he cranks the car. 

"Yeah, you can come." He offers and I shake my head a little. 

"Um, I was actually gonna go visit with Sharise and Skylar for a few hours, tonight." I tell him. 

(Pt. 79 CONT.)

[cancellablex]

Hi, not sure how specific a prompt you want, but I was thinking maybe first kiss, or first time? Thanks!

Thank you so much! This was lovely! Just a little short thing, went with kiss, hope you like it! fluff! cw. g’cest!

**

find it on ao3 | prompt me!

Foil (PG-rated)

The problem was, Liam was a romantic.

Through and through he absolutely saw how things could be and not what they actually were. He didn't see the illegal-immoral-wrong of whatever the hell they had been doing for over a decade, he just... fuck knows, thought they were starcrossed lovers overcoming the odds or whatever. He thought they were going to be taught about in school, probably.

"One day, people will tell our story, right, the real proper story... they'll need to know when it started!" Liam slurred on the other side of the line, at 2:37 a.m. on a fucking Tuesday.

Noel would blame himself for letting Liam be raised by TV but there was no point in doing that now. He tried to sound casually annoyed, that was his one shot before this whole thing spiraled. "That not gonna happen. You need to lay off the drugs if you think it will. Go to bed."

"I'm in be--" *click*. *ring*. Before the second ring starts Noel has already picked up the phone and heard Liam finish his thought. "I'm in bed."

"Great, then sleep." There was silence for a couple of seconds and Noel almost thought he'd managed to talk sense into his little brother for once. But no.

"I can't sleep. It bothers me that I don't remember, like." Obviously, he had not.

Noel sighed. It shouldn't matter, but it was neverending with Liam. "You don't remember because we don't have a first kiss, Liam."

"Oh." It was a tiny sound, a quiet little high-pitched thing. It should have been his cue to hang up and leave Liam to deal with his delusions on his own. But the thing is, Noel knows when it'd be cruel to brush off Liam.

"I kissed you for the first time when you were a day old, Liam. We don't have a first kiss because we've always loved each other." It's a lie. Noel was asked to kiss Liam the day after he was born and he refused because the baby looked like... well, like a newborn baby. Red, and not-quite-real. He kissed him two days later, though.

"That's different, though. Them baby kisses, they don't count." Noel would be offended because the kid didn't bother acknowledging the cheesy sentence he custom built for his comfort but it was true. He can hear his brother breathing on the other side of the line and he doesn't really know how to fix this.

What was their first kiss, really? Was it when Liam got beat up after stealing a bike when he was 14 and Noel didn't know how else to comfort him?

Was it when he went away for a year with Inspiral Carpets and during their hug goodbye Liam kissed him on the mouth, close-lipped and tear-stained without a word?

Was it when he came back and Liam was making toast and he jumped on him and kissed him all over while hooting?

Was it after that fated first gig of Liam's he saw, calling him shit, finding Liam devastated in the alley, muttering to him "You're good, yeah? You are good." while Liam tried to squirm away?

Noel knows perfectly well which was his first Liam kiss. (Right there, in the alley). He just doesn't think Liam feels the same way.

After a moment he says, "Tell them school children it was Loch Lomond. It's the one that counts because it was the first time anybody else knew."

It takes a moment, but Liam replies. "No, that's not right. Bonehead saw us before that."

Noel splutters and chokes. Mind racing. That could mean anything - why had Bonehead never said anything? "When?!" He near-shouts.

Liam is calm as anything, "In the alley that one time you came to see us and said we were shit. Before... everything. We were smoking together all sad and then you showed up and slammed me against the wall and started snogging me... you don't remember?"

Noel remembers to count to ten. Like the cardiologist suggested. He speaks precisely, which tends to leave everyone docile and polite and make no difference when it comes to Liam. "Well, then that's the one. I'm unplugging the phone. Good night, Liam."

Liam, of course, ignores the whole thing and manages to say "What about our first fu--" before Noel makes good on his promise.

[lunafeather]

For the anon ask: most important question first, how are catBeth and catRio? Second: what are some of your favorite Good Girls moments and/or episodes? From an acting perspective (I always enjoy reading your acting insights!) or just general enjoyment. And, not a question, but loved, loved, loved the third chapter of Remix and am looking forward to your prompt fills. I have no doubt that they'll be great :)

ANON ASKING THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS!

Okay so Cat!Beth and Cat!Rio are doing great, causing trouble, living up to their namesakes. The only way Rio isn’t Rio is that he talks a LOT, we have constant conversations, I know what his specific meows mean now (apparently male cats tend to be talkative ones). They love each other so much, but they play fight constantly and Rio can be a bit of a dick (lol) and Beth is only super noisy while they play (LOL).

Had an incident a couple days ago where they were asleep on the couch and I went to give Beth kisses, only she was apparently DEAD ASLEEP cause I startled her awake so badly she immediately went on the defensive -- hissed and swiped at my face. Her claw got caught in my nose and dragged a huge cut inside of it, man that shit was PAINFUL.

Rio went a couple months not feeling very cuddly, which made me very sad, but about a week ago he started cuddling again, I almost cried I was so happy. Only he does that cat thing where he puts all 14lbs of his weight on one paw on my chest and I legit worry about health problems from being crushed. Sadly, he only cuddles for like 10 mins then moves on, but I try to enjoy the little time he gives me!

Have some photos!

Favorite Good Girls Moments/Episodes

So my favorite episode is and likely will always be 2.05. Everything about it... The Brio stuff, Beth boss bitching up and selling those cars, Annie and Ruby helping, the Amber stuff (specifically the stuff about moving to LA and giving it 6 months before giving up, it was extremely meta and I feel like only people in the industry could ever truly appreciate it), the Stan/Ruby stuff, "no I know how to spell A X E”, Ruby’s reaction(s) to Beth and Rio boning, Beth pouring vodka into her slushie and the LOOK SHE GIVES THE CASHIER, Beth taking Dean’s business from him, all of it is just..... *chefs kiss* please pour it directly into my VEINS. My absolute favorite moment though is the end scene with Beth and Rio, the multi-layered conversation about both crime and their relationship, but even more specifically, Rio saying, “yeah you’re right, it is kinda early huh” then looking DIRECTLY AT BETH’S MOUTH before looking away and smiling one of the most gorgeous smiles I have ever seen in my L I F E.

Other favorite eps, in no specific order: 2.11, 3.11, 2.04, 1.04, 1.05, 2.07, others I am probably forgetting

Other fave moments, in no specific order: Brio 20 Questions, Bathroom sex, Vette smashing, Beth opening the dubby, the 2.08 picnic bench scene, Ruby shooting Big Mike in the foot, Annie helping Nancy give birth, Ben’s coming out to Annie, oH nO wHaT hApPenEd?, any time Beth defends Rio, His name is Rio!, Beth coming out of the bathroom after hiding the books, every time Rio lies about Beth being just work, any time he touches her face, all of the 1.10/2.01 dining room scene, aw you guys didn’t hit me up to do brunch??, and many more

Okay so acting-wise, all of the cast just continually knocks it out of the park. Any time Annie has to be soft and vulnerable, Mae just fucking OWNS IT and I love that. She is exactly the kind of actor I am, I see so many similarities in our styles. The first one that comes to mind for Christina is in 2.10 when she destroys all of the baked goods she spent hours making. Imagine being so good at your craft that you can film this emotional breakdown 10, probably 20 times, with different layers and methods of expressing internal anguish, and every single moment is heartbreaking and raw and honest? Manny’s manic, soft, viciousness in the 1.10/2.01 scene always kills me. Somehow he makes Rio so human and multifaceted, like yeah he’s fucking crazy, but he’s also a man living in a world where he has to be hard and ruthless, and yeah much of his softness is a ruse, but some of it is genuine. He layers all of that together perfectly. Any time Retta cries kills me, but I actually love every time she bosses up and gets into a passion speech. The “I’m that Bitch” passion speech is my favorite. Retta plays Ruby’s desperation and uncertainty so well, always layering it under other things. And she’s obviously the queen of reactions. Matthew is so good at looking dumb, like, he isn’t dumb in real life, he’s actually very charming?? I always love, though, when he plays Dean stuck in a situation where he knows he fucked up, again, LAYERS, man! I’ve already waxed on much too long, but everyone else is also amazing: Lidya, Isaiah, Reno, all of the minor characters.

So much of film/TV acting is about internal life, and letting the audience see varying amounts of it in your eyes and your actions. I think Christina and Manny are particularly good at this, but mostly because they get the most silent screen time where they’re just looking at someone or something. Mae is the best at vulnerability, which is essential.

All of them are so fucking good, it’s why it’s one of my goals to get on the show, because my soul would leave my body if I had the opportunity to act opposite literally any of them. I’ve actually started trying to form a relationship on social media with Liz Dean (casting director for the show) so that I have something to lean on when they start up production again. I am hoping she does a general casting call like many other CDs are doing so that I can get my face in front of her and her office.

AND THANK YOU ABOUT REMIX, I feel like Favorite Things really eclipsed Remix cause I posted them at roughly the same time, and Remix is a very different flavor of fic?? I feel like it’s way more challenging though, because it’s taking every single episode and morphing it in some way to be different but still similar enough it could slide right back into the show. Also because it isn’t linear, i think it doesn’t really yell OPEN ME AND READ ME. But I am super glad that the smut drew more readers in lol I am working on some other prompt fills as well as the promp-a-thon stuff, I really hope you love everything. I am a soft and sensitive bean who needs love and support and validation.

WOW THAT WAS LONG, SORRY

Go on anon and ask me anything!

[elcorreodetorreon]

Mexico's drugs war: in the city of death

It was just another massacre in a country plagued by violence. But this time it was carried out by prison inmates – who'd been let out specially



Rory Carroll

 @rorycarroll72

Thu 16 Sep 2010 15.30 EDTFirst published on Thu 16 Sep 2010 15.30 EDT

It was past midnight and the hired band had launched into a raucous ballad, La Cabrona, to wind up the party. Guests joined in, belting out lyrics in a singsong under a Chihuahuan desert moon: "Dime si ya no me quieres cabrona . . ."

The Italia Inn, a walled compound for rent with a courtyard, kitchen and swimming pool, was a great spot for the fiesta. "Everything was going really well," says Hector, the band's 17-year-old trumpet player.

Nobody heard the vehicles pull up on the dirt track outside or saw the gunmen surround the compound. The first salvo, fired from outside, tore through the garage doors. The band members bore the brunt. Five collapsed in a tangled, bloodied heap. Moments later, the killers stormed into the yard, assault rifles blazing. People screamed and scrambled for cover. Bodies crumpled.

One gunman picked his way through the wounded and taunted them before finishing them off, recalls Hector, who does not want his full name published. "Cry!" the gunman ordered one of the musicians, putting a gun to his temple. "Cry!" The terrified man could only pray. The gunman prepared to fire when a command rang out. "Trabajo hecho, vámonos!"Job done, let's go. The killer lowered his rifle and grinned at the musician. "You're lucky."

Seventeen people died and dozens were injured in the 18 July attack, one of the worst massacres in Mexico's drug war. The crime scene is supposed to be guarded but on a recent morning it was possible to step over the yellow police tape, trodden into the dirt, and pick over the courtyard debris: a scuffed brown shoe, whisky bottles, plates with decomposing sludge. Beer cans bobbed in the stagnant pool and sunlight seeped through 24 raisin-sized holes in the kitchen door. Blood smeared the floor and fridge. Windows were smashed, walls pockmarked. Only the silence was unbroken.

A massacre in Mexico tends to have a short news life. Perpetrators vanish and the deed is eclipsed by the next atrocity, and the one after that. Horrors flow so fast that they lose definition and morph into a single, numbing narrative.

This one was different. When the killers sped away that night it was not the end of the story, but the beginning. The attack set in motion a saga of kidnapping, YouTube video clips, revenge and media blackmail, which exposed a harsh, revealing truth about Mexico in the run-up to this week's celebrations for the 200th anniversary of independence. It is a state colonised by organised crime.

Fly north from Mexico City and the landscape below browns into cauterised scrub. Roads and railway lines, black etchings in caramel plains, eventually converge on a glinting sea of tin-roofed sheds, houses and factories. This is Torreón –"the city that conquered the desert". The first thing you notice is the blinding glare of the sun. The second is a relentless, throbbing heat.

The main drag, Boulevard Independencia, could be Texas: pick-up trucks, gas stations, strip malls, Wal-Mart, Baskin-Robbins. You know the Rio Grande must be close because the coffee – watery americano and only watery americano – sucks. The radio, at least, boasts Latin flavour: upbeat, foot-tapping cumbia music. "For dancing with beautiful women!" smiles the taxi-driver. It is about the cheeriest statement I will hear in Torreón.

The local tabloid, Express, seems to have been written by Dante. Page after page of shootings, stranglings, stabbings, burnings, shallow graves, deep graves, mass graves. Advertisements for spiritual healing compete with those for funeral homes. "Miguel's: best quality coffins at affordable prices." One bright spot is an ad for 600 new jobs to armour-plate cars.

For a country in the throes of a war that has claimed 28,000 lives in four years it is perhaps little surprise that a transport hub such as Torreón, intersection for cocaine, heroin, marijuana and methamphetamines, is grim. Murders among the population of 550,000 average three per day. Two massacres in city bars preceded the attack on the Italia Inn party, a bloodbath made worse by the fact the victims had no connection to drug trafficking.

The atrocity's apparent motive was a display of strength by the Sinaloa cartel in its battle to oust a rival group, the Zetas, from Torreón. "It's a turf war, and they'll kill anyone," says Carlos Bibiano Villa, Torreón's police chief. The day after the attack, the Zetas, keen to show they still controlled the city, left four human heads with a note saying the massacre's perpetrators had been punished. Decapitation, once unheard of in Mexico, has become routine.

 The scene of the 18 July massacre in Torreón. Photograph: STR/Associated Press

What came next, however, was new. The Zetas, after killing the four probably random and innocent unfortunates, really did investigate the massacre. The result was a harrowing video uploaded on YouTube. Rodolfo Nájera, bruised, swollen and stripped, gazed into the camera with a confession. The 35-year-old kidnapped policeman, flanked by masked gunmen, must have guessed how the video would end. Asked by an off-camera interrogator about the Italia Inn massacre, Nájera said the killers were Sinaloa members allowed out of prison for nocturnal hits. Guards lent them guns and vehicles. "Who let them out?" barked the voice. "The director," replied the doomed man. The video ends minutes later with a shot to the head.

A tortured confession would hardly be credible except that in this case it was true. The attorney general confirmed the story. Forensic results showed the massacre victims were shot with R-15 rifles – standard issue for prison guards. Federal authorities swooped on the prison and detained the guards. The director, a stout, formidable blonde named Margarita Rojas Rodriguez, who had recently been named "woman of the year 2010" by the state governor, was also arrested. "Disbelief. I just couldn't believe it. I had never heard of something like this," says Eduardo Olmos, Torreón's mayor.

The prison is in Gómez Palacio, a city in Durango state, whereas Torreón is in Coahuila state. But it takes just a few minutes to cross the bridge linking them. Along with the city of Lerdo, they really form one metropolis of just over one million people in a desert bowl that used to be a lagoon. Each state and city has its own police force and jail, a byzantine mess of overlapping institutions and rivalries. It has helped drug traffickers with ample "plomo y plata" – lead and silver, bullets and money – to worm through officialdom like a ripe mango.

From the outside, Gómez Palacio's jail, rising from a dusty plain, looks the part: high white walls, barriers, watch-towers. Officially, it is a "centre for social readaptation", an Orwellian touch. Mothers, wives and girlfriends, the latter in their best jeans and makeup, queue with groceries to get in. The Sinaloa cartel, Mexico's oldest and most powerful, in effect runs the place. A state surrender coyly termed "auto-gobierno", self-government. If you belong to a rival group, odds are you will be carried out in a bodybag. If you cannot pay "cuota", a levy, you sleep outdoors or in a sort of kennel.

Waiting gunmen recently killed three prisoners who had served their time and were leaving the jail on what turned out to be a short walk to freedom. Guards are routinely murdered inside and outside the jail. It is thought Rojas possibly acted more out of fear than greed in allegedly allowing hitmen to borrow guards' vehicles and weapons for nocturnal murder missions.

The next twist came when inmates rioted in protest at Rojas's removal and demanded her reinstatement. The media drove down the one, potholed road leading to the jail to cover the disturbances – and were duly kidnapped: two cameramen from the Televisa network and two reporters from the newspaper group Milenio. The Sinaloa cartel, jealous of the Zetas' YouTube success, demanded that local networks air three of their own videos in return for the hostages.

"This was totally unprecedented. It was brazen blackmail," says one media executive, who asked not to be named. "You couldn't believe these guys were doing this. Things kept reaching new levels of, of . . ." – he searches for the word – "incredibleness." The TV stations broadcast the videos, which turned out to be of frightened police officers accusing colleagues of working for the Zetas. The cameramen and reporters were freed and moved to safe houses in Mexico City. The fate of the police in the videos was unclear.

Javier Garza, sipping Starbucks coffee under a broiling sun, shakes his head. "This is not the place I grew up in." The director of El Siglo de Torreón, the main local newspaper, used to associate the city with progress. Torreón had a bloody role in Pancho Villa's campaign against federal forces in the Mexican revolution but later grew into an economic and industrial hub for ranching, textiles, metallurgy and engineering. It built universities, fountains, a music academy, a championship-winning football team. By the 1990s, when Garza left to study and work in Mexico City and the US, Torreón embodied a newly confident, democratic, thriving Mexico. A hilltop Christ the Redeemer statue, just marginally shorter than Rio's, opened its arms to embrace the city that conquered the desert.

When Garza returned in 2006 to take the reins at El Siglo, local news focused on water scarcity, schools, public works and the football club's battle against relegation. Drugs flowed discreetly north, and flash millionaires built fancy properties, but that was hardly new. Narco-trafficking co-existed with society. "It was peaceful. You could go out and have fun without any problem," says Garza.

That same year, however, things began to change. A drug pusher was shot dead, then a taxi driver, then there was an attack on a wealthy former mayor, the kidnap of a police commander. Homicide rates soared. The same pattern unfolded across much of Mexico. President Felipe Calderón had declared war on the cartels but not anticipated a bloodbath.

Torreón, patrolled by soldiers and police with masks, with shootouts and corpses daily, is enduring violence not seen since the revolution, says Garza. "Instead of being a city of the future, it's like we've closed a circle with the past," he says.

 Eduardo Olmos, mayor of Torreón: 'What people tell me is that they want things to go back to the way they were.' Photograph: Rory Carroll for the Guardian

Streets empty after dusk. Staff at the hospital stack corpses for want of space and cower when narcos with AK-47s storm through the wards, seeking rivals. Tens of thousands of Facebook users pledged to attend two protest rallies against the violence but, after rumours of planned attacks, just dozens showed up.

In his city hall office overlooking Plaza de Armas, the mayor, Eduardo Olmos, with a retinue of eight bodyguards, ponders the question of how it all happened. "The police," he sighs. "They came in through the police. They bribed, threatened and recruited them and were able to use their radios, vehicles, weapons, bulletproof vests, everything." By some estimates the cartels have a $100m budget for infiltrating police nationwide. It was a gradual process, says the mayor. "The police relaxed their ethics and discipline and just gave in. In the end they weren't working for them. They were them."

Poverty and unemployment, said Olmos, helped organised crime to recruit and work at street level. "Here the gangs don't hand out free meals like in other cities. They don't have popular support. But there is a lot of tolerance for them. If that turns into support, that will be very dangerous. The only answer is education and employment. And a new police force."

Few would argue with that, but what about legalising drugs? Or allowing one cartel to prevail and restore the era of peaceful co-existence with narco-trafficking? The mayor shifts in his seat. The first option, though backed by thinktanks and at least two Mexican ex-presidents, remains controversial. The second remains taboo, at least officially. "What people tell me is they want tranquility, for things to go back to the way they were," says Olmos, choosing his words carefully. "I may have my own views on the subject, but as an elected official I can't talk about benefitting one cartel or another."

It is alleged that across Mexico some authorities are indeed picking sides in the hope a "winning" cartel or coalition will emerge and end the mayhem. Torreón, at least for now, appears to be betting on a new police force. The city recently fired its entire 1,200-strong force and hired an ex-army general, Carlos Bibiano Villa, to build a new one from scratch. Other cities, notably Ciudad Juárez, have tried that and failed. Villa, however, does not lack confidence. A bear of a man with a moustache and .44 Magnum strapped to his thigh, he keeps a helmet, flak jacket, assault rifle and four walkie-talkies within reach of his desk.

"There were 1,200 police when I arrived and they were all corrupt, the enemy within. I couldn't trust any of them. Now I've got 526 new ones and we're recruiting more." Does he trust them? The general guffaws. "I don't trust my own shadow. That's how I survived 43 years in the army."

Villa, 61, has a PhD in satellite communications but comes across as a wannabe Rambo. With cartels and former police officers gunning for him he sleeps in a small room beside his office where there is another Magnum under the pillow. His family lives in an undisclosed state. He acknowledges geography and economics mean that drugs will always pass through Torreón, yet remains bullish. "We are going to win!" How? "With a hard hand."

Later that night, one of Villa's 12 personal bodyguards is kidnapped and beheaded.

The force's model officer is Raquel Quezada. The 40-year-old mother of two is the sole member of the previous force who passed the vetting and exams. Hollywood would probably dub her the Last Honest Cop. In fact, the former secretary was inspired to sign up by Demi Moore's character being "pushed to the limit" in the film G.I. Jane. On patrol, the soft-spoken Quezada is transformed by body armour, a rifle and skull-painted mask. To prepare for her new job, Quezada ran 10km every day and lost 6kg in gruelling training. "They taught me to control fear and manage risk. This work is dangerous but noble."

Authorities hope to keep the new force honest by promising a free house to every officer who completes 10 years without blemish. A significant carrot, but it is questionable if it can compete with narco threats and cash.

In a different part of the city, a family in a small, pink house makes its own calculations. A dead father and husband. A dead uncle and brother. Three wounded family members. A baby on the way. Funeral and medical bills. It adds up, says Carmen, 37, the eight-months pregnant head of the family and mother of Hector. "I just don't know what we'll do." Hector, who took two bullets, moves slowly and stiffly, a colostomy bag beneath his T-shirt.

Asked if he will play trumpet again Hector shakes his head. "Music, music is . . ." his voice trails off. His mother finishes the sentence. "Music is not really an option any more."

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

yeah it feels like the only times lou speaks now are for the scripted parts no wonder she looks bored. I agree I’m not sure if it will last another series tbh which is a shame as I was enjoying it at the start but like you said the pool of guests is just narrowing all the time, plus the gimmicks just aren’t working. I would be curious to know if there was anyone out there who actually enjoys the squirrel because I have started just recording it on my sky box then fast forwarding that part

(Continuation of this post)

Yeah, this is a show where you can't really have the same guest on too many times, because they'll run out of stories. I guess a similar problem to WILTY, but on WILTY they can pad the true stories out with lies, and people tend have enough interesting stories generally to fill multiple episodes. They'll be less likely to have enough stories of bad stuff they've done and are willing to share on TV. So I don't know how much of a future this show ever could have had.

I agree though, I thought it had some very good moments in the first couple of seasons, so it's too bad. They're not using Lou well, and they're not really using Mel that well either. They're both very experienced at this sort of thing, and good at it, but it feels like the show doesn't trust them to let them speak unscripted.

[bagosz]

Peppermint cappucino Strawberry milk 👉👈 And Caramel macchiato For the ask game

peppermint cappuccino - what's your favourite genre of movie, tv show, or video game and why?

actually there are going to be three separate answers to these because all of the above are very much different things in my brain.

for movies - I don't watch a lot of movies because the format is less enjoyable to me than a tv show bc I love longer narratives, so I primarily watch documentaries since they don't have this problem. I also like movies to challenge me on some level - to evoke deep emotions or provide commentary on real world issues or make me reconsider my views in some way - as opposed to tv shows which I tend to watch as pure entertainment.

for tv shows - I love love love sci fi and fantasy. I pay a great deal of attention to worldbuilding and I feel like fantasy is the best genre to play with worldbuilding, and also I enjoy it greatly when real world issues are portrayed allegorically within the fantasy narrative. Sci fi is my fave specifically because I have an interest in science and I love how you can create a brand new world by playing with real science and bending its rules just a little bit. And I think that inhuman characteristics are attractive so that's a thing also.

for video games - my absolute fave is the open world rpg genre because of the exploration possibilities and all the little side quests and stuff you can gather (I have hoarding tendencies in video games and my greatest foe is limited inventory) and, again, the worldbuilding aspect, and the fact that I can sink hundreds of hours into these games and still manage to discover something new every time I play them.

strawberry milk - what's your way of showing someone you love them, romantically or platonically?

alrighty, grab your blankets and hot cocoas, because this one's getting a complex answer.

you, dear sender of the ask, should know the answer to this better than anyone, but FINE

right off the bat, it's important to note that I do not differentiate between romantic and platonic love - I can sorta distinguish romantic attraction and a desire for romantic acts, but the feeling of love is more or less independent from that attraction and it doesn't feel different whether it's in a romantic context or platonic one. therefore my answer will encompass both of these since they're basically the same to me.

first thing that comes to my mind is verbal affirmations. however, I usually do not just straight up say the words "I love you", because I feel like they're not precise enough and "love" can mean so many different things to different people that oftentimes it's just not the most useful term. I mean, I might say them from time to time if I'm not scared of the vulnerable position they put me in haha but usually I'd rather opt for more precise description of what I feel. so, any flavour of "I enjoy spending time with you" and "thank you for supporting me" and "I'm here for you if you need me" and "you make me happy" and are usually what I'll go with.

another one is sharing my hobbies and interests with them (especially if they managed to convince me that I'm not being annoying and that they genuinely like to listen to me talk) and, for example, talking for hours about the lore of my favourite video game or sending them like 30 songs that I think they might enjoy. which I guess is connected to the wider thing of just sharing different parts of myself with them and feeling safe with them and trusting that they won't judge me for who I am. I have like, major vulnerability issues, so I rarely confide in people and let them know the actual core aspects of my identity instead of just showing them a certain aspect of me that I think they'll like and accept, so if I trust you enough to do just that, it's probably because I love you.

(i could probably go on and on about this but this is getting ridiculously rambly so let's move on to lighter stuff)

caramel macchiato - do you sleep with a stuffed animal? if so, do you have a favourite?

I don't sleep with a stuffed animal but I do have a bunch of them just chilling on my shelf, and I do have a favourite - a sauropod plushie with a bendy skeleton inside. you can bend his little legs and his tail and neck and put him in all sorts of funky poses. I am in love with him.