#i swear i really really really do love the original canon a lot for being charming and fun and sweet

[windor-truffle]

This blog is the altar where I worship my false idol (the version of Graces that lives in my head)

[sunnami]

❝time will tell.❞

[credits to the original artist of the photo!! can't seem to find their @ anywhere. title is taken from jane austen's persuasion, as was the first part.]

summary. ❝you are loved. and harry thinks there is no better description that that.❞

pairing/s. poly!mauraders + lily x reader.

word count. 9.5k.

tags. reader is referred to mum, with she/her pronouns[!], canon-typical violence [!], canon-typical deaths mentioned[!], very brief marauders as soldiers of the order[!], creepy old men being creepy[!], child abuse[!], pureblood arranged marriages, a minor character expresses wanting to die[!], Depressed and Traumatized Slytherins, the capital is important[!], themes of misogyny [!], teen boys fuck around and find out there are consequences to their actions, THERE IS ACTUALLY A LOT OF FLUFF, I PROMISE YOU, angst, children lose their baby teeth up until the age of twelve!! google said so!! not proofread we die like dobby the free elf

note. damn, i cried, you cried, we all crode. tbh, the first part was only intended as a oneshot, sdfkhdf, but when i re-read it, i thought that i could have expanded on more details,, so now here we are!! i love it more than the first part ueueue. thank you all so so so much for the kind comments :((( please please enjoy the second part to this installment!! part one

HARRY JAMES POTTER was only a few months old when you died at the hands of Voldemort — or as strangers have told him every time they ravaged his personal space and ogled at his scar. They said it was a quick death, better than what had happened to Alice and Frank Longbottom. But that was all they’ve ever said about your death. Unfortunate; caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, entirely different from the pedestal James and Lily have been put on by the wizarding society. 

At first, Harry had wondered if it was due to your blood relations, being the daughter of a renowned Death-Eater, heiress to the fortune of a pureblood House. Harry can’t even count the amount of conspiracy theories he’s read or heard to his face that it must have been you who betrayed James and Lily, and not Sirius Black. 

Even Hermione’s shared to him a theory that your death was faked to surrender your loyalty completely to Voldemort — of course, Hermione was eleven at the time, head full of books and her favorite theories, and Harry’s already forgiven her. But there’s a part of him that despises the way he’s never known the full truth about his parents, just bits of information dangled in front of him like bait for people [read: the Dursleys] to get him to do what they want, to act like the way they want. Until Remus and Sirius, you were a stranger to him, really.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

IT IS RATHER UNFORTUNATE that Madam Pince has already taken her position as the unbearable librarian at this point in time. The woman gives Harry and you a pointed look as you slam the large book onto one of the tables — to Harry’s surprise, you glare right back at her. You’re awfully flushed, however, blushing cheeks betraying the fire in your eyes; it must have been from when Remus escorted the two of you to the library; he had tried to brush your hand with his pinky, to which you had responded with a startled hiss — Remus only smiled and chuckled at you, and Harry swears he’d like to forget that entire interaction because he saw literal stars in Remus’s eyes.

Jumping back in time and potentially causing chaos? Fun. 

Meeting your parents? Definitely fun, in the strangest of ways. 

But watching them pine and fall for each other? Not so fun. 

Nonetheless, he hesitantly takes the seat across yours and watches you flip through the pages until you land on a chapter with the large, bold letters: THE CURIOUS CASE OF ELOISE MINTUMBLE — Time-Travel and Its Many Dangers. He meets your gaze with a sheepish grin, mustering a look of innocence; except the puppy dog eyes only worked when he was nine — you are not amused. 

You slide the book towards him, scarily resembling Molly Weasley when she’s miffed with the twins. “You are aware, right, that just by existing here you’ve changed the future? Your future? And, that’s not even the worst thing that could happen.” 

Harry sulks. “Yes, mum.” He prefers not to think about it, actually, it makes his head hurt. 

“Don’t call me that in public!” You whisper heatedly, looking over your shoulder to check if anyone had heard him — to your luck, the library was empty, save for a Hufflepuff that was passed out on top of his books. “The less people that know about this, the better. It’s bad enough we told Potter about you. Do you even know what you’re going to do?” 

“Considering I was thrown here against my will, no.” Harry shrugs. “And to be honest, I was just going to obliviate the people who asked too many questions.”

You reach over to smack his head, scowling.

“Ow! That hurt!” Harry rubs the sore spot as he grumbles petulantly. “This is technically child abuse, did you know that?” 

You roll your eyes. “Do you at least have a plan to get home?” 

“Of course I do,” Harry retorts with a scoff, “Her name is Hermione Granger.” 

“Hopeless.” You groan exasperatedly. “Absolutely hopeless.” 

Harry only grins in response. For a brief moment, he forgets about the present — his reality where the skies are bleak and home is where he knows the feeling of loss more than the warmth of his own parents’ embrace. He lets himself forget, and pretends he isn’t the Boy Who Lived. Just some random boy who’s pestering his mother — even if she likes to deny the inevitability of being romanced by the Marauders, (except for Wormtail because Harry would eat troll slime before he ever lets that happen.)

“Right then,” You say after your tangent — which Harry tuned out when he hears the words, be responsible. “If I’m going to help you get back home—” 

Harry’s heart drops to his stomach; as selfishly as it sounds, he didn’t want to go home just yet — not to where people just took and took from him. He’s exhausted. Still, he puts up a front of being excited to be returned to his timeline. It’s for the greater good, of course, because his existence — present or past — is always somehow a threat to the wizarding society. 

“—you need to answer this one question for me.” Your voice drops lower as you stare at him intently, lips pressed firmly. 

Harry nods slowly. “As long as it’s within reason, yeah.” 

You inhale sharply. “Do I outlive Dolores Umbridge?” 

The wince escapes Harry before he can even stop it. 

That’s all the answer you need, apparently. Your mouth hangs open in disbelief, eyes nearly bulging out of your head as you slam your hands down onto the table surface, shrieking.

“That slimy bitch!” 

Needless to say, the two of you are kicked out of the library.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1970; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

YOU ARE ELEVEN when your father introduces you to Ferguson, commonly known as Fergus, Bulstrode. He smiles at you with a leer, eyes hungrily dipping to the neckline of your dress. You grit your teeth as you hold out your hand for him to take — you almost shudder at the feel of his lips on your cheek. You eagerly take a step back away from him, hoping your father won’t notice the way you shy from Ferguson’s touch. You’re not dull, you fully understand the implications of this introduction and the way Ferguson is complaining to you about his third wife’s passing — as if you were the solution to his loneliness. Bile rises to your throat, and you shove it down with a forced laugh at your father’s jokes about Mudbloods. From across the room, Allegra Greengrass stares at you in sympathy, and you send her a glare — you do not need anyone’s pity. 

The corset your mother laced on too tight is suffocating you; this whole Yule extravaganza made for elitist purebloods is suffocating you; and yet, you smile and greet every red-lipped witch your mother introduces you to. For hours, you pretend, and you pretend. By the time the guests have left, you wonder if you have any more of yourself to give. 

You manage to convince your mother to let you slip away for the night. Without missing a beat, you rush outside and into the garden labyrinth, lest old Ferguson snatches you up for a dance and let his gaze wander elsewhere. For the first time since the sun had set, your aching feet finally find some relief. You drop onto the edge of the stone fountain as you toss your heels to the side. You begin working your fingers through your hair, ripping the glittery ribbons from your head. It’s not until you’re unclasping your necklace that you realize you are crying. Tears fall from your eyes, and they sink deep into the fabric of your dress. 

You barely hold back your sobs. Your chest heaves as you hiccup; your vision goes blurry as your fingers grow numb. There’s nothing you can do but cry. 

You’ve used up all your smiles for tonight. 

But then, the sadness turns into resentment and then turns into indignation. Harshly, you wipe the tears from your eyes as you rip a violent scream from your throat. 

You sink to the ground, perfectly polished nails digging into the soil as you gather patches of grass and tear them from the roots. You throw a handful of mud at the marble statues. You grab another fistful of mud, scream, then bash your head against the garden floor. You let out another cry, whimpering as you curl into yourself; shivering as a gust of wind brushes against your skin. Surprisingly enough, this is the most human you’ve ever felt. This is the most you have ever felt — period. 

When hiccups regress into soft sniffles, you lay on your back, watching the stars float above. As the last of your tears slide down your cheek, you lift a shaky hand to trace the constellation in the sky. It’s not a familiar one to you, but then— 

“That’s Sirius.” 

You sit upright in a snap, wiping away the wetness from your eyes as you muster a mean glare at the newcomer.

Sirius Black.

“Oh, none of that,” He tells you when you move to stand. There’s barely any emotion on his face and it irks you that you can’t figure out what he’s planning. What you don’t expect is for him to sit beside you, thereby ruining his expensively tailored suit. 

“You’ll get creases,” You scold him instinctively, nose scrunched — but your voice is hoarse; too tired to put up any pretences. “Your mother will be cross with you.” 

Sirius scoffs, laying his head on the dirt, making sure to smear his sleeves with grass stains. “Walburga can go fall in a ditch and die for all I care.”

You gasp. “That’s horrible!” 

Sirius gives you a look. “You don’t believe that.” 

You really don’t, but you don’t have the courage to admit it either. 

After a few moments of silence, Sirius asks, raising a brow, “So who was that?”

“Who was who?” You stare at him with knitted brows, toying with your fingers. You still can’t wrap your head around how weird this is — sitting with Sirius Black in the middle of your mother’s hedge maze, your once bright blue dress now sullied at the ruffles, eyes bloodshot and your hair a frizzy mess. (Sirius thinks you look cute, though; especially with your missing front tooth that peeks out every time you talk to him.) 

“Bald guy, older than Merlin himself.” Sirius makes a face. “Looks like a troll. Smells like one, too.”

A giggle flutters past your lips, and your hands fly to your mouth. You really shouldn’t be bad-mouthing your guests, but Sirius was right — Ferguson really did act like an ugly troll. You sigh, letting your arms fall to your side. “My betrothed.” 

Sirius nods in understanding. “My mother tried to set me up with my own cousin once.” 

You grimace. “Which cousin?” 

He sits on his knees to face you, and with a very solemn face, he says, “Bellatrix.”

This time, you laugh freely, throwing your head back as Sirius pouts at your amusement. “O-Oh, that’s golden.” 

“No, it’s not,” says Sirius, lips twitching as he watches you snort like a pig through your giggles. “It’s horrible. A literal nightmare. You should feel awful for me.” He pokes your stomach, and it just makes you laugh harder, eyes disappearing into your smile. “Oi. I said feel awful, not take the piss out of me.” 

“S-Sorry.” You wheeze, batting away his hand pulling at your cheek. “I just can’t imagine Bellatrix in a white wedding dress and saying her vows to you.”

“That’s disgusting.” Sirius gags. “You’re horrible, I hope you know that.” 

When you finally calm down and Sirius tickles your bare feet until you cry in surrender, the two of you lay on the grass as he points out each constellation to you. Later, he fishes a small box of sugar mice from his pocket and offers it to you, opening one for himself. “Here’s to shitty parents and the one day we get to decide our own future.” 

You bump your squeaky candy mice against his. “Cheers, Black.” 

“Will you go to Hogwarts next year?” He asks you once he’s bitten off the tail of his mice. 

You nod. 

Sirius shifts on his side, holding his pinky out to you. “We’ll be friends when school starts?”

Again, you nod, wrapping your pinky around his. “Friends.” 

The next September comes, Sirius finds a compartment and one James Potter in it. You sit with Allegra Greengrass and Endora Lestrange on the way to Hogwarts. You are sorted into Slytherin, and Sirius finds freedom and a home in Gryffindor. You play the role created just for you; you lift your nose at those beneath you, adorn yourself in custom-made silk clothing, and carry yourself with the etiquette of a pure-blooded lady. Perfect grades, perfect hair, perfect clothes, always picture perfect.

You pretend that Allegra doesn’t throw up in the evenings from the fear of getting married to a man twice her age. You pretend that you don’t notice Endora sleep-walking and begging for her mother to save her from her father. You pretend that under your blankets, in the Slytherin dungeon, you are safe. 

You pretend that it doesn’t hurt when Sirius looks at you in disappointment when you shove a Hufflepuff student to the ground for getting a higher score than you in Charms.

They call you an ice-princess behind your back, and you overhear some of the fifth-years calling you foul words as well, and no one steps in to stop them; there’s no defending a Slytherin, after all. But you are keeping your head above treacherous waters, and you suppose that is all that matters.) 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“SO ACCORDING TO THIS, Eloise was stuck in 1402 for five days until she was retrieved to the present, which means we only have four days left to figure out a way for you to get back home.” 

Harry sinks into his chair, arms crossed over his chest. The two of you had found an empty classroom to discuss your plans away from inquisitive ears. “What’s the rush?” It’s unfair, he’d only just met you, and now he’s losing time with you. 

You sigh. “Harry, Eloise Mintumble spent five days in the past and when she came back, her body aged five centuries, and she died in St. Mungos. It’s not just about altering the whole timeline, you could actually die.” 

When you are met only with silence, you close the book, frowning. “Harry? What’s wrong?” 

Harry swallows the lump in his throat, looking out the window to avoid your gaze. “What do you know about the Mirror of Erised?” 

Your head tilts in confusion. “That it shows our heart’s deepest desire.” 

“Yeah,” says Harry, nodding. “I was eleven when I found it.” 

“Oh, Harry. . .” 

It’s almost pathetic how quickly his eyes water. “Did you know, before today, I hadn’t known at all what your voice sounded like?” 

You stay quiet, and Harry sucks in a shaky breath. 

“When I looked into the mirror, I saw my parents—all of you. There I was, in the middle. You were behind me—happy.” Harry swipes a tear from his eye. “I wanted to stay in that room, stare at that mirror forever.”

“It’s—”

“Dangerous, I know.” He laughs bitterly. “Just like finally being able to meet you all here.”

“Harry, you aren’t supposed to be here in the first place,” You say quietly, eyes drooping sadly. 

“I know that!” He exclaims desperately. “But is it so selfish to just want some time? I don’t want an illusion, I want the real thing. A real family. Why can’t I have that? Bloody Malfoy gets everything he wants, and what do I have?” 

“Your friends,” You tell him firmly. “Your friends who must be worried sick that you’re gone and must be going great lengths to bring you back.” 

“I know.” Harry wilts. He’s got Remus at home, too, who probably needs him more than ever after Sirius’s death. “I know. But can’t I just have this one thing?” 

You purse your lips for a moment, brows furrowed in thought. Then, you break the silence with: “Do you want to hear a story?”

“What?” Harry croaks, peering at you through wet lashes. 

Shrugging, you say, “Stories to remember us by. I’ve got six years worth of stories and then some. I know it’s not much, and you’ve probably heard some of these already from the others in the future, but it’s better than nothing, right?” You lean against the back of your chair, glancing at the wall clock before grinning at Harry. “We’ve got time to spare, anyway.” 

Harry manages a smile, setting down his glasses before rubbing his stinging eyes with the handkerchief you offer him. He figures this is what Remus means when you’re the gentlest creature he’s ever known — just not gentle in what the world expects you to be. 

“What do you say, Harry? I give you tidbits of the past, and you tell me if you know anything about the next Triwizard champion, so I can place my bets in advance.”  

Harry snickers. “Not a chance, mum.” 

“Worth a try.” And the smile you give him is nearly blinding. 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1977; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND what it is about Gryffindors and their hobby of invading others’ personal space. 

A year into dating and James likes to shove his head under your shirt, claiming he loves the sound of your heartbeat — but you know really what he wants to nestle his head in between. The amount of cashmere blouses he’s ruined is absurd! Sirius has a hobby of tracing runes on the plane of your stomach. Lily prefers it when you sit in front of her, just within reach where she can wrap her arms around you and rest her head on your shoulder. Remus tends to lag behind the group when he notices you walking slower due to your leg flaring up. He kisses the side of your head and promises to chase the pain away — sappy poetic that he is. And in the moments where all five of you are together, tucked under a wide alcove, you can best believe there is no escaping what they like to call, a cuddle pile. Limbs are tangled, kisses are shared, and confessions of love are whispered. 

Before them, you hadn’t really known the different ways to love and be loved. 

Onto the pressing matters at hand, you discover that the brazen show of affection extends to their parents as well. Particularly, the Potters. After a year, you finally caved into James’s requests for you to spend the holidays at their manor, since the others have already made a space for themselves there, and James had said it would be an honor for you to feel at home with his parents, too. Honestly, you spoil them too much — one look into his bright, wide eyes and you gave in. James didn’t even care that you brought two luggages for clothes alone; he lifted each bag with delight and with ease. 

(Remus had the audacity to laugh when he caught you and Sirius staring at James’s flexed muscles, mouth wide open. 

“As I have said, Remus Lupin, I do not drool!”

“Sure, dove, whatever you say.”)

But now, you really aren’t so sure of your decision. 

“Oh, she’s beautiful, Jamie!” Euphemia encases you in a bear hug the moment you step inside the manor. You’re engulfed in the scent of cinnamon and burnt sugar. You stiffen as she cradles your face in between her palms, smiling ever so fondly at you, cooing about how precious you look, much like a mother would — and how your mother never did. You wonder if this is what you’ve been missing all along — the thought stabs you right in the heart. “Please excuse the mess, dear, we haven’t had the chance to clean up yet, Monty and I are excited to try the recipe Lily owled to us the other day, you see.” 

“I-It’s okay,” You rasp, struggling to hold back the tears. 

“Oh, what a darling you are!” Euphemia smiles and ushers you further inside. “Come, come. The others are right upstairs. You must be tired from the train ride. It is so lovely to finally meet you. Make yourself at home, dear heart — James Fleamont Potter! Give your mama a kiss this instant! Don’t think introducing your girlfriend will distract me from the fact you didn’t owl me letters for two months straight!” 

James whines as he hides behind you. “Mum, I’m seventeen, stop embarrassing me.” 

Euphemia scoffs, hands snapping to her hips. “You’re going to be my baby boy forever, now come here.” 

With a shy smile, you step away to surrender James to his mother — you don’t understand which part of this is embarrassing; you wish for a mum who’d welcome you home like that, with unconditional love and kind eyes. James squawks and calls you a traitor, just before his mum attacks him with loud, exaggerated kisses to his cheek, leaving lipstick stains all over his face. You hide a laugh behind your palm, ignoring the way your heart pangs at the sight of their unrestrained smiles. Euphemia lets her son go after a few more seconds, cackling at the masterpiece she’s created on a grumbling James, who’s rubbing his skin to erase his mother’s affections. She hugs you once more before setting you off, telling you to meet Fleamont after you’ve unpacked. 

Just as you reach the foot of the stairs, you hear a girlish squeal, then the sound of rapid footfall against each wooden step. Lily greets the two of you by jumping off the last step and wrapping each arm around yours and James’s neck. “Welcome home, Jamie!” She captures his lips with her own before doing the same to you, cupping your cheek lovingly, “So happy you made it, princess! How was the ride here?” 

You were never a fan of traveling by Floo; it made you nauseous after, and left you with a pounding headache for hours. Without hesitation, the others offered to accompany you on the train, but you insisted they Floo ahead to Godric’s Hollow — it took a lot of convincing, but they finally agreed, (they’re not the only ones spoiled; they couldn’t refuse you, too.) With the exception of James, who wanted to be there when you saw his home for the first time. You nearly cried when you saw how well-loved their manor was; rose shrubs dipped in snow, Sirius’s motorcycle parked outside, a mailbox with poorly painted shapes, the fences covered in Christmas lights, and the amount of shoes by the door. From outside, you could hear the laughter and warm conversations. 

“It was fine,” You say in a daze.

Lily sees right through you — and frowns sadly. “You alright?” 

Were you? 

You catch sight of the moving photographs of James and you finally reach your breaking point. There’s a swell in your throat that you can’t seem to push down. There’s a photo of James, Lily, Remus and Sirius; James is in his Quidditch jersey, raising the Golden Snitch high up in the air, Remus is twirling Lily, his arms around her waist, and Sirius is holding up a charmed banner that says: Gryffindor Rules! Slytherin Sucks! Except For My Darling Angel Love Of My Life Most Beautiful And Gorgeous Perfect Brilliant Girlfriend! 

There are hints of life all around the manor. Remus’s textbooks and scarf are laid by the coffee table. Lily’s O.W.L. marks are framed on the wall, along with Dumbledore’s letters to James and Lily awarding them the position of Head Girl and Head Boy, as well as McGonagall’s previous letter to Remus that came with his Prefect badge years ago. There’s a spot dedicated to Peter, filled with a photograph of him awkwardly holding his Herbology test, one that he scored a hundred and twelve percent on. It’s a wall dedicated to them, you realize. 

Then, you find it. 

Right there, up above James’s spot, and beside Sirius’s display of beyond perfect Transfiguration exam marks, and a picture of him and Remus kissing each side of your face. 

It’s a space on that wall just for you. 

James follows your gaze and rubs the back of his head, ears tinged with a shade of deep pink. “Mum left a space when I first told her about you. I-It’s yours, you can put anything you want there.” 

“I can’t,” You whisper, lips quivering as your heart cracks into a million pieces. It’s too much. 

James blinks. “Can’t? It’s yours, I promise. Mum won’t mind. You can even hang your dumb Montrose Magpies poster and I won’t tear it down — Marauders’ honor. I can help you if you want. I-I’m not good as decorating as Lily, but I paid attention to your boring explanation of color theory and I know that you hate this shade of—”

“James, I can’t do this.” 

That’s all you say before you run out of the door. 

(And you’re absolutely delusional if you think James won’t follow you out that door and into the brewing snowstorm.) 

You hear James call out to you, but you opt to ignore him and clutch your winter coat tighter around your body, shivering in the blowing wind, trudging through the deep snow through your heeled boots — designer couldn’t help you now even if you tried. You sniff, the salty taste of your tears dripping to your lips, chest tightening with a foreign kind of pain, and the frost nipping at your fingers. You give up after a few minutes, falling to the ground with an anguished cry, hand clutching the front of your chest as you struggle to breathe. 

James reaches you in a matter of minutes, draping his jacket over you, barely flinching as the cold welts his bare skin. Frantically, he wipes the tears from your eyes, a pained expression on his face as he sees you cry helplessly. “Come on, dove, it’s not safe out here. Let’s go back home, yeah? I’m sorry for upsetting you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry — I’m so sorry, dove, please don’t cry, it’s killing me to s–see you like this.” Tears fall from his eyes, and he begins stuttering from the cold, but you can’t go back to the manor. “What did I do? Please tell me so I can fix it. I love you—I’m sorry.”

You bat his chest. “G–Go home, Jamie. I’ll just take the train back to the castle.” 

“What?” He shakes his head, grabbing onto your hands. “Y–You can’t. Not in this weather. You’ll get sick if you try to walk back to the station.” 

You withdraw from his hold as you back away from James, slipping into the ice-cold mask you know so well. 

James rises in an instant, reaching for you. “No, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to do that. Not now. Not with me. Please, just come home and I-I’ll fix it.” 

“Goodbye, James,” You tell him firmly, clenching your jaw as you look him straight in the eyes. 

He grimaces. “That won’t work on me, princess, and you know it. Don’t push me away—please.” 

“Go home, James!” You yell bitterly, pivoting on your heel as you march through the thick inches of snow, hearing Remus and Lily’s voice grow louder in the distance. “Just go!”

He grits his teeth, nails digging deep into the palms of his hand. “You’re a coward if you walk away from here—from us—right now!” James shouts through chattering teeth and stray tears. “And I hate cowards more than anything!” 

You don’t look back. 

(Later that night, James stares blankly at the fireplace, tossing twigs now and then. He’s all out of tears. Remus crosses his legs as he sits beside James and offers him a steaming mug of hot chocolate. 

“Don’t want one,” He mutters, words coarse from earlier, head turning away from Remus’s gift. “Just want her.” 

Remus sets the beverage on the ground before pulling James’s head down to his chest, gently wiping the tears from his eyes as he wraps the blanket around both of them. He presses a soft kiss to James’s hair. 

“I said I hated her,” James says weakly. “I don’t—I never will. I just hate that she’s out there spending Christmas all alone. She could be here—with us. I hate not knowing that she’s safe, or that she thinks I don’t love her anymore—that’s a bloody lie, Moony. I adore her. If anything, I don’t deserve her.” 

James finds out that he does have more tears left in him. “I miss her. Bring her back, Rem, please.”

“You’ll cry yourself sick, love.” Remus wipes each tear away. “Let’s go to bed, yeah? Mornings do have a way of bringing miracles to us.” Because after a night of excruciating pain under the moon’s command, he wakes up to sunlight, and there you all are — smiling down at him like he is deserving of love; and maybe Remus can’t fault you for running away.

You’d kiss him gently and tell him how proud you are of him for coming back to you. 

Remus only hopes you come back to them, too.)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“AND THAT, dear Harry, is how I humiliated Lucius Malfoy in fifth-year.” Your eyes gleam wickedly as you rest your arms on the school desk. “If he ever bothers you in your time, just mention my name—oh, I wish I could see the look on his face when he realizes I’m haunting him from my grave. Tell him, okay?” 

Harry nods excitedly. “Definitely.”

“Got anymore stories?” He asks. 

You cackle menacingly. “Boy, do I ever. Let me tell you about the one time Beckett McLaggen took me out on a date to Madam Puddifoot’s!” 

Harry grimaces. “Do I even want to hear about this?” 

“Oh, pish-posh.” You dismiss him with a wave. “You do, this story is hilarious. Now that I look back on it, Sirius was quite cross with him for the rest of the day—how strange. I wonder why.” 

Harry stares at you in disbelief. “You’re joking.” 

“I most certainly am not, Harry Potter.” 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1974; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

AN EAR-PIERCING scream wakes you up in the middle of the night. You snatch your wand from under your pillow, heart thudding against your chest in fear — last year, the Prewett twins decided it was funny to break into the girls’ quarters at midnight; you get a month worth of detention for hitting Gideon with the Expulso curse and suspension from class for two weeks, while the twins get away with a slap on the wrist and have the time of their lives spreading rumors of you being a Death-Eater. 

Endora shoots up to her feet as well, staring at you in panic — then the girl screams again, and you realize it’s Allegra. 

You sigh in relief, lowering your wand before saying to Endora, “I-It’s alright. I’ll handle it.” 

“Are you sure?” Endora asks timidly, gnawing at her lip and wincing when Allegra wails once more. 

“Certain,” You respond, yawning. 

As Endora climbs back into her bed, you slip into Allegra’s side, holding her head to your chest, brushing your fingers through her hair and untangling the knots. Like most of the Greengrass women, she was of ethereal beauty — silky blonde hair, smooth and fair skin, deep blue eyes that enchant wizards and witches alike. But her cheeks have gone sallow from exhaustion, eyes devoid of any emotion, and her skin now sunken into her bones. 

“I don’t want to marry him—I can’t! He’s old enough to be my father!” Allegra sobs violently, desperate for anyone to hear her, but no one really ever hears their cries from the dungeon. “They said they’d wait until I graduated—they promised! I’m supposed to marry him this summer!” 

Your heart breaks for your friend — there’s nothing you can do but hold her until she’s cried every bit of her soul out. 

“I hate them,” Allegra whispers to you; she had been shedding tears for hours, trembling in your arms until morning finally came. 

“I know,” You say defeatedly. 

“I wish I was dead,” She replies lifelessly. “He can’t marry a dead bride.” 

“Don’t say that,” You beg as you hug her tight; afraid to lose her to the world that has worn her down. “Please.” 

Allegra sinks into her pillows, and you follow in suit, hesitantly laying your head beside hers. She stares at the ceiling dully. “The world is so, so cruel to us daughters sometimes. And it’ll be cruel to our daughters, and their daughters. When will it end?” 

“I don’t know,” You say honestly. 

Allegra hums, neither disappointed nor surprised, and turns away to lay on her side. “Pansy,” She mumbles.

“What?”

“If we lived in a better world and I married for love, I’d want to name my daughter Pansy — like the flower.”

(Later that day, you are given detention for beating Evan Rosier to a pulp. He makes a joke about dirty blood, and you snap — you are tired of laughing and pandering to the arrogant men in your life. This is the first time you publicly defy your parents, and it felt good — more than good, it was liberating. It’s like breathing fresh air for the first time. Then, you earn a second detention for storming up to the Gryffindor common room and punching Fabian Prewett in the face — because fourth-year boys had no business sneaking into the girls’ dorm in the middle of the night for some stupid prank — and you threaten him by pointing the tip of your wand deep into his neck, demanding they apologize to you, Allegra, and Endora. 

You get what you want, naturally — as princesses do. You decide then that you’re going to create a world where girls like Allegra don’t cry anymore.)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.) 

HARRY TWINGES WHEN he hears the end of your fourth or fifth story of the afternoon — no wonder you had been so angered by his being in your room. “I-I’m sorry—” 

“Yesterday was hardly your fault,” You interrupt him. “There’s no controlling where magic brings you, not in your case. You didn’t know, but now you know. I don’t hold it against them — anymore. Fifteen-year-old boys can be stupid, and at least they’ve learned from their mistakes. You should have seen your mother — erm, Lily — she looked like she was ready to kill them after finding out what they had done. Even Molly was cross with the twins, and you know how loyal Molly is to her family.”

Oh, Harry knows.

And Hermione knows it all too well. 

“Others call us evil, conniving and cruel, Harry,” You tell him grimly, “But I will protect my own, no matter what I have to do.”

At that moment, Harry thinks he understands why some people come to fear Slytherin. 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1978; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.) 

“LOOK, LILY-PAD, the princess is drooling again.” 

You open your eyes to glare at Sirius. “I don’t drool, idiot.” 

Lily chortles as she presses a kiss to your shoulder. “Of course you don’t, princess.”

Currently, you’re lying on a shabby loveseat that is too small to hold the three of you; it’s the only furniture in the new cottage you call home, where Potter Manor was right across the street. (Euphemia was ecstatic to have you all nearby — the lovely woman was sprite for her age, but you notice the way she stops to sit and catch her breath, Sirius and James hovering over her attentively; you’re good at pretending, so you pretend that the Potters will be around forever.) Some rooms are dusty with cobwebs, walls unfinished, with the floors creak under your feet, and there’s no other place you’d rather call home. 

You’re in between Sirius and Lily; your lips swollen from their kisses, cheeks flushed and the column of your throat graced with love marks. It’s the most beautiful set of jewelry you’ve ever worn, not even burmese rubies could compare. Lily’s hand rests under your jumper, Sirius’s thigh wedged between your own. While peace blankets the three of you, James and Remus have yet to come home from their task given by the Order. 

“You need a haircut, my love,” You mumble drowsily, pulling at one of the dark ringlets — it’s gone past his shoulders now. He captures your hand and leaves a delicate kiss on your fingertips. 

Lily buries her nose in your hair. “She’s right, Siri.” 

“I’m always right.” You pout. 

Sirius, love-sick fool that he is, smiles as he tilts your chin with his finger and ensnares you in a kiss that leaves you breathless. “Course you are — our girl’s bloody brilliant, isn’t she, Lily-pad?”

“Without a doubt.”

You roll your eyes at their antics, rolling around so that your back is pressed to Sirius’s chest — they’re not fooled, however; Lily sees the way your eyes flicker in amusement and the way your lips threaten to curve up into a smile. She traces the swell of your lips with her thumb, to the dip of your nose, and to the apples of your cheek. Sea-green eyes beam at you.

“I love you,” says Lily, committing every inch of you to her memory as she wears a melancholic smile. “I don’t know who told you that you don’t deserve to be loved, but they were wrong. You are so precious to us, dove, you don’t even know how much. This right here is real — and nothing could ever change that.” 

As it turns out, you did have more smiles to give — only the happy ones; not the fake, courteous smiles that you had given to your mother’s friends in the past. You come to intertwine your hand with Lily’s, the one that had been resting on your cheek, tenderly wiping the tears that pooled within your eyes. Your heart could burst from your chest. They had a habit of wringing every emotion out of you; of making love feel real, not just a myth from a Muggle storybook. And you find, that you didn’t mind this particular habit of theirs. In the comforts of the place you call home, where you irrefutably belong, you are free to seek their arms and fall into their love, and the best part is where you get to love them right back. 

How lucky you are. 

“Let’s get married,” You blurt out, holding your breath, feeling Sirius’s hand on your waist stiffen. 

“What?” Lily gasps breathlessly. 

You smile up at Lily. “Let’s get married. All of us. I don’t care where, o–or about the rings, let’s just get married. With the war going on, we deserve s–something good.” 

Lily sobs as she nods excitedly. “Yes. Oh my Gods—we’re getting married!” 

Sirius stares at you in wonder. “Bloody hell, dove, give a guy some warning, would you?”

You grin. “Is that a yes?” 

“It’s a yes — forever.” Sirius dives in to kiss you senseless. “Couldn’t get rid of us now even if you tried.” 

“I don’t think I’d want to, anyway.” 

Right then, the rickety door slams open, and you hear the loves of your life calling out for the three of you. Followed by the heavy thud of Dragonhide boots plunking down onto the floor

“We’re home!” James announces in the entryway. 

Lily wastes no time in shooting up from the sofa and welcoming them home with quite a unique greeting:

“We’re all getting married!” 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.) 

“That ring is an heirloom passed down to the children in our family,” You tell Harry, pointing to the band around his finger. “It’s meant to symbolize our loyalty and duty to our House. My mother said I would have earned it only when I became a wife to Ferguson Bulstrode.” You chuckle at Harry’s perturbed grimace. “No, I didn’t marry him — thankfully. After Allegra. . . I—I. . . I couldn’t bear it. If I was going to marry, it would be on my own terms, and it would be for love, nothing less. Then, if my child wanted it, I’d give them this ring. I want to leave behind a legacy that I created. When I was younger, I’d resigned to a fate that was forcefully carved by someone else’s hand.” 

You shake your head. “I want to die being remembered by those who loved me. Otherwise, I was never truly alive.” 

Harry won’t let that happen, he won’t ever let your name be forgotten. He’ll share of your kindness to his friends, of your bravery and loyalty. Hermione will love your fondness of Muggle musicals and how you stood up to Lily’s defense in a world that ostracized her for being different. He’ll remind Remus of your love for him, that he had brought you hope in times of despair. Harry is going to make sure the world knows you had been so full of life with endless love to give. You are going to be remembered in the way Voldemort never will. 

“What do the words mean?” He stares at the writing: Tempus Edax Rerum.

You smile. “Time, devourer of all things.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1978; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

“REMUS—THE MUGGLES ARE stuck in the telly again!” 

Remus snickers as he takes the vacant space beside you on the loveseat, now sewn up with care and spattered with knitted quilts and throw pillows — still too small to carry three people but hasn’t given out yet, anyway. He takes Lily’s legs over his lap, swiftly stealing a kiss from your lips. “It’s a film, dove, they’re acting.” 

You purse your lips. “They’re trapped inside, then?” 

Lily snorts into her tub of chocolate fudge ice cream. “Not quite, princess, it’s recorded. Movies are like moving photographs — but they’re an hour long with sounds.” 

“Oh.” You turn your attention back to the screen, back to the film Lily had been watching. You had to admit — the story of Sandy and Danny was an interesting one. “Lily-pad, she’s singing — again.” 

Sirius hushes you from where he was cuddling James on the other couch. “She’s supposed to sing, dove, it’s a musical.” 

“Well, yes,” You begin, and James groans into Sirius’s chest, “But they should just talk instead of singing all the time — Sandy’s got a lovely voice, though. I just don’t understand why Danny’s treating her like that! Truthfully, I don’t like any of Sandy’s new friends, other than Frenchy — she’s harmless. If I was Sandy I’d move on from Danny — but then again, that hair and those muscles, and his leather jacket! I can’t blame her.” 

Sirius glowers at you. “You like his leather jacket?” 

“His hair?” James exclaims in horror. 

Remus chuckles as he tucks you in his side, kissing your temple. “If I were you, dove, I’d be quiet and just watch the film.”

“Oh, no, no.” Sirius barely glances at the television as he pauses the film and stands up to point an accusatory finger at you. “Since when were you into leather jackets? Do you think those are cool? Since when? Jamie, should I get one? Let’s unpack this, right now. And his muscles, really?” 

Your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Play the film, Black, I want to see the end of their love story.” 

“I’m telling Euphemia on you!” 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.) 

“—and then we realized that we accidentally locked Hermione in with the troll.” Harry’s arms flail about as he shares some of his adventures with you — it had only been fair. He felt like a young boy again, entering Hogwarts for the first time as he watched you listen to him intently, gasping at tale of the vanishing glass and scolding him when he says he and Ron had decided to go searching for Hermione, and by extension, the troll. 

Your eyes grow wide. “A troll? In Hogwarts? They can’t have, not unless—”

“Someone let it in—I know!” Harry grins. “You’re not going to believe who let the troll in the castle.” 

You snap your fingers, “Malfoy, the older one. I know that lump’s got something to do with this. Can’t have been Snape or Quirrell.”

“Just you wait.” Harry’s eyes twinkle with mischief. “—and so, Professor McGonagall finds us, and can you believe it? She awards us for dumb luck! Then. . .” 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1979; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

IT HAD COME AS A surprise when you volunteered to join the Order of the Phoenix. You wanted to scoff at their shocked faces — was it so surprising that you wanted to protect your family? They let Severus Snape join their ranks, and you’re fairly certain that you’re a better fighter and survivalist than him — not the better liar, however, he can have that one. The week before, you and the others had an argument that lasted for the whole day. They did not want you in harm’s way, and you would rather die than stay at home, waiting idly for them to return, when you could be out there alongside them. 

(“It’s not some game out there!” Remus runs through his hair in frustration — he had always been so careful to never raise his voice at you, but this one time, he needed you to back down. “Every time you step into a raid, there’s a possibility of you dying, don’t you understand that? And even if you survive — you’ll have blood on your hands, and it does not wash away no matter how many times you try, trust me, we know.” 

“So what?” You throw your hands up in the air, equally aggravated. “I just stay here like some. . . some pet waiting for their owners to come home?” 

“Yes!” Lily angrily replies. “That is the whole point of us joining the Order — so you get to live another day. So we all have a chance at this new world without a war. Let us protect you!”

You grind down on your jaw. “You have got another thing coming, if you think I’m not going to fight tooth and nail for my future.” 

James slams a fist onto the kitchen counter. “There are horrors out there you can’t even imagine. I-It’s worse than we thought. It’s our every nightmare come to life.” 

You raise your chin defiantly. “Then we face it together.”)

Each day, you survive, and each day the five of you return home — scarred and bruised, but safe within the arms of one another. When you collapse and crumble, it is only for the walls of your home to witness. 

Now a month into autumn, you are on your first task without Sirius, James, Lily or even Remus. Instead, you are assigned by Dumbledore to Knockturn Alley along with Peter Pettigrew and Gideon Prewett. How strange time was, years ago you’d never associate with the proud Gryffindors, and now you had to trust them to guard your back. Everyone had to grow up quickly during war, even pranksters. 

The alley was quiet — too quiet for your liking. You had been on alert since the moment you apparated into the area, wand at your ready. The back of your neck prickled with goosebumps as you kept an ear out for any sign of movement. 

Peter shivers and you glance at him — he’s become far too skinny, constantly shrinking into himself out of fear. And while you want to comfort him, you keep your eyes up ahead. Still, there's a nagging feeling that you can’t quite make out. It’s different from all the other times you’ve been asked to search and rescue. 

“Don’t you feel like there’s something wrong?” You ask Gideon, eyes snapping to the flock of crows flying overhead. 

“Dunno, kid,” Gideon says, nudging your shoulder with pressed lips. “Everything about this is freaking me out. The place is too empty.” 

“I get what you mean,” You reply, swallowing your own nervousness. Without waiting for the rest, you speed up your pace. “I’ll scout ahead, who knows what’s been here before us. I don’t want to risk any of our lives, so let’s be careful. Gideon, ward the area while I check for any cursed objects, last time you almost got your arm cut off by a newspaper of all things. And Peter, could you. . . Peter?” 

When you turn to check behind you, it all happens so fast. 

“Avada Kedavra!” 

You scream as Gideon’s deathly pale body falls to the floor. 

“No!” 

You aren’t given a moment to rush to his side — someone digs their wand in the side of your neck, and you stiffen in their hold. It’s not until they hiss in your ear that you recognize the voice. 

“Rosier.” You spit, biting down on your lip when he presses the tip of his wand further into your flesh. 

“Stupid witch,” He taunts, eyes dilating with vengeance. “Where are your lovers now?” 

“Jealous?” You claw at his arms, chest heaving up and down. “We don’t have room for one more, sorry.”

“Shut up!” He pushes you to the ground in blind rage, and that’s all the opening you need. 

“Expulso!” 

Each curse you send his way lands on his cloaked body, sending him staggering backwards. With ease, you deflect each spell he counters with. You’re winning, he is growing tired, and perhaps that is why you let your guard down. 

“Accio wand!” 

The magic fizzles out, and the spell dies on your lips. As you swivel your head to find out who’s stolen your wand, you expect to find another Death Eater — except it’s Peter. Just Peter Pettigrew, quivering in his boots with tears and snot dripping down his face, your wand in his free hand. You furrow your brows — it doesn’t make sense. 

“Peter?” You call out. 

“Crucio!” 

The curse finds its home in your body — and it sinks deep into your flesh, grinding your bones until you slump to the ground, wriggling as you draw blood from your lips, refusing to let them hear an ounce of your pain. Blood trickles down your nose as you hear Evan Rosier dancing around you in glee. You know this curse well; the sound of your father condemning you gleefully echo in your head. You crawl over to Gideon — hand desperately reaching for his shirt. 

“Crucio!” Rosier grabs you by the hair and howls with laughter. “Scream for me again—Crucio!” 

It’s as though someone had begun to rip you in half. Your bones shift and crack with every uttered curse. The veins in your eyes have popped and through bloody vision, you see Peter cowering away from you.

“You—fucking—traitor,” You gurgle, throat welling up with blood that’s risen from your stomach. “They’ll—never—forgive you—never.” 

“Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Come on, witch — SCREAM! Look at her go, Pettigrew, crawling like some pathetic worm.” 

You lay in your owl pool of blood, wearing a body that is marred and lacerated. But you see something in Gideon’s hand. I’m sorry, you want to tell him. I’ll get you home to Molly, you promise, please lend me your magic this once. With every last bit of your strength, just as Rosier directs another curse at you — one you know you won’t survive — you snatch the wand from Gideon’s hand and tear the last of your magic from your throat. 

“Defodio!” 

You wait with a bated breath as silence fills the alley; lucky to have remembered Professor Flitwick’s quick remark as to how the slight difference in pronouncing a charm could alter its effect. Rosier stands on shaky legs, a stream of blood leaking from the corner of his mouth. You watch as he looks down to his chest, where a gaping hole now lies instead of where his ribcage and heart should be. As Gideon had done before him, Evan Rosier crashes to the ground. 

That just leaves one more problem. 

Peter scurries to your side the moment Rosier can hurt him no longer. “I-I’m sorry—I’m sorry. I had to. . . T–They killed my mum, they killed M–Mary, and t–they said I would die too if I d–didn’t do this. I’m sorry. Y–Your father was there, too. He said he would take you in, let you l–live if you joined us. W–We can live, t–there’s still a chance for us to survive.” 

Your fingers are bent at unsightly angles, the remnants of the Torture Curse still flowing through your veins, but your face contorts in anger as you let your hand curl around his neck. He sobs louder, and though your grip is weakening — you make sure he looks into your eyes, that he feels your touch.

“I’d rather—die.” You say through gritted teeth, nails drawing blood from his grimy skin. “You’ll die too—you’ll feel my blood on your skin—everywhere you go, Peter.” 

Peter shakes his head, now clumsily pushing his wand down to the center of your chest. “Y–You were the only o–one who d–didn’t laugh at me. N–Not like the others.” 

“When they find out—you’re dead, Pettigrew.” You laugh darkly as more blood exits your body through your lips. “There’s nowhere you can hide—you’re a dead man.” 

“P-Please die,” Peter cries out, each killing spell coming out as a garbled whisper. “Please die,  s–so I can live. I c–can’t fight anymore, I’m tired.” 

Your vision goes a hazy shade of white, Peter’s silhouette fading away to the familiar scenery of your cottage in Godric’s Hollow. 

Oh.

Dying is less painful than you had expected it to be. It’s like coming home after a day’s work. 

You just wanted to rest now. 

The world caves in on you, and you barely hear Peter’s next words. 

“Avada Kedavra.” 

(It’s past midnight when Peter Pettigrew arrives at Grimmauld Place, where it’s been altered to host the members of the Order, Lily sobs in relief and gathers him in her arms. 

You’ll feel my blood on your skin.

You’re a dead man. 

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. 

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re home safe — welcome home — thank the Gods you’re alive,” Lily blabbers through her tears, checking his face for any major injuries. “Merlin, what happened? There’s too much blood on you. It’s on your shirt and your face.” 

“It’s not mine,” says Peter hoarsely. 

Sirius’s gaze darkens, arms crossed over his jacket as he leaned against the wall. “Where is she?” 

Lily nods, standing on her tiptoes to search for any sign of you. “Peter? I–Is she alright? Has something happened to her?” 

Peter stays silent for a moment too long, and he finds himself slammed against the wall behind him, Sirius snarling in his face as he seizes the front of Peter’s soiled shirt. “Where the fuck is she, Pettigrew?” 

Peter begins to weep. “I–It was an ambush. None of us saw it coming. Gideon r–ran. She was taking on two Death-Eaters at once and I–I was too far away.” 

Lily collapses to the ground with a heart-wrenching scream.

Sirius growls as he drives his fist to the wall, inches away from Peter’s face. “Where is her body?” 

“It was a disintegration spell.” With Severus Snape — brought to the Malfoy Manor to be made as an example of what happens to blood-traitors. 

James pushes Sirius out of the way and grabs a hold of Peter, knocking his head against the concrete. “It should have been you—” James snaps at Peter. “If it came down to you or her—you should have saved her!” 

“W-What?” Peter stammers, eyes wide. “She chose to save m–me.” 

James sneers at him. “You should have just died.”)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1996; CURRENTLY, IN THE PRESENT.) 

ST. JEROME’S GRAVEYARD had exactly one visitor. Remus Lupin sits in between James and Lily’s graves, a bottle of firewhiskey in his hand — four empty at his side. He must be going crazy. There’s no funeral for Sirius as there’s no body to actually bury, Harry is presumed missing after an attack in Diagon Alley, and your name stares back at him mockingly. He tries not to dwell on your passing — there have been too many holes, too many details left unsaid; and he knows just the rat who has all the answers. Unfortunately, Wormtail won’t come out of whatever hole he’s crawled into. Either him, or Severus. 

He sighs, rubbing the temples of his head to ease the growing pains. 

You are the first to be buried of the five. Like Sirius, there had been no recovered body to lay to rest, but they asked for a compromise instead. Your name is engraved under Euphemia’s in her tombstone, and Remus figures it’s the fitting place to leave you be — with your mother, welcoming you home with open arms. He hopes you’re at peace, wherever you are. (Because, honestly, at this point, he might just fucking follow you.) 

Remus takes another swig of his alcohol, laughing bitterly to himself. He glances at James’s headstone and raises his bottle to him. “Not even in death, huh?”

He downs the last of the drink, rising to his tremulous legs. Remus gathers the flower bouquets he had bought earlier this morning; lilies-of-the-valley for Lily, white carnations for Euphemia, forget-me-nots for you, and for James — Remus leaves a moving photograph of him and Sirius; it’s a snapshot taken by Lily during the wedding as James dips his head low to kiss Sirius. Remus thinks it’s a wonderful memory to remember them by. 

“Take care of them for me, Jamie.”

And that is all the goodbyes Remus has the strength for. 

end note. i think i was crying the whole time i was writing this part, LMAO. i should be able to wrap things up in the next one. important!! there is actually a scene i was hesitant to include, but i ended up writing anyway. it's the whole part where allegra greengrass breaks down, and it was difficult for me to decide because i knew the implications; that i had a strong underlying message in that part, and i don't want it to be misconstrued or anything. pls pls tell me if it comes off as offensive, i definitely don't want to hurt anyone. nevertheless, thank you again so so so much for reading!! if you spot a plot hole, no you didnt!! i hope the time-jumps weren't too confusing! again, thank you so so much for reading!!

[soralymystaken]

I think a lot about Lloyd and Harumi, solely because they have one of the most unique yet complex relationship dynamics in all of Ninjago, and it’s something I don’t feel like we talk about enough.

So often I see online that their dynamic is overly simplified. I so often see people arguing between them being “true-love” or “friends to lovers to enemies,” but stating it’s just one of those is overlooking all of the complexities. Even stating it as a one-sided thing from Lloyd isn’t looking at the whole picture. Of course, there can be many interpretations of how they interact. Again, that’s the reason I adore this dynamic so much. This, however, is my personal interpretation:

Also, warning, spoilers plus some swearing.

At the beginning, we see Lloyd have the whole “love-at-first-sight” trope, and we learn that Harumi invited him into the castle. While, of course this immediately is seemed as a positive interaction, later events reveal otherwise. It continues like this: Lloyd falls deeper in love with Harumi whilst she continues manipulating him to keep him on strings. She eventually realizes his feelings, and wants plays on that, making the process work exponentially better. Finally, we learn Harumi’s motives and her reasoning, and, in the episode, Lloyd is devastated. However, I have some additions on this, but I’m gonna finish up my review of canon before getting to that. We do also know that Lloyd still has feelings, though. We primarily see thing from Lloyd still trying to save her from Garmadon’s grasp along with his sadness from her death.

The next time we see her and Lloyd’s dynamic (at least as far as I want to mention,) is Crystalized. When Lloyd is captured, he apologizes. He still clearly has feelings for Harumi, and, in a turn of events, it seems that Harumi does as well, as she convinces the Overlord to spare him and to try to get him on their side.

Okay, enough about prior knowledge, lets discuss headcanons. So, firstly, I’m 100% sure that Lloyd was tormented by Harumi’s origin story. We know how high of a standard he holds himself to, and we also know how morally-driven he is. Him learning about the real stories of the real people who he had really hurt couldn’t have been taken easily. I’ve actually written a whole fic that revolves on that fact, and how Lloyd’s lingering feelings would have amplified that feeling to oblivion. Also, for people who assume he would immediately drop his feelings when he learned Harumi’s true motives, literally just look at how he talks about Garmadon and you’ll see he can’t exactly move on that easily. Things like this take time, and, again, he has guilt because of this whole thing. Moving on from a relationship when you believe you were the reason the person tried to destroy the entire world and subsequently died isn’t the same as a high school breakup. That’s fucking devastating, and especially for someone who hasn’t had the best relationships up to that point.

However, this dynamic really starts to become cloudy when you look at Harumi. Now, look: I’m like 90% sure she only had feelings for Lloyd in S15 as fan-service, but, fan-service or not, it’s canon, and therefore I’m still gonna cover it.

So, first off, when and how did Harumi develop feelings? Personally, I think there could be three main reasons. For one, gaslighting. The whole time, she was gaslighting Lloyd into loving her. Sometimes, when you keep up a lie like that for so long and with that level of commitment, you can convince even yourself of these feelings. Do I think this is the case for Harumi? Well, it depends. If you truly do believe there is a spark between them, then no. However, if you really don’t like the fact that they were given a romantic storyline in S15, then this is a totally valid reasoning.

The second reason that comes to mind is Lloyd’s persistence. Now, just to cover all our basis, reminder that “being persistent” and “never giving up on a love that could be” are not cutesy tropes and relationship goals, and no means no. I see too much stuff online saying shit like “I never gave up on her and, even though she said no 20 times, she gave in in the end.” This is not something to romanticize. If someone rejects you, fucking respect that and move tf on. That being said, though, I think that could actually be the case in this dynamic, albeit in a much less creepy way than some fuckers online do it. Lloyd clearly, even after all of the shit Harumi pulled, still has lingering feelings: a mix of platonic and romantic. I truly believe Lloyd is someone who believes that anyone can change for the better, and applies this to Harumi. The fact that, even after all the pain Harumi caused, he still searched for her in the rubble could be the reason she developed feelings. In my opinion, this is the most likely option.

The final one is a bit colder, and is for y’all who believe Harumi is evil through-and-through. Lloyd is fucking overpowered. Harumi’s reasoning to the Overlord could be just that: the reason. I personally don’t love this one as much, but if this is something you resonate with, I would totally understand why.

All of these factors strung together make Lloyd and Harumi one of my favorite dynamics. There is so much more that I didn’t even discuss here. Is it romantic or platonic or just romantic for one of them? Did Harumi develop feelings even sooner yet denied them solely because of her hatred? Is Lloyd’s relationship with Harumi less to do with Harumi herself and more-so to do with trying to rebuild a relationship with his father through her to prove he can hold onto someone he loves? All of these are questions I’d love to dive into but simply do not have time.

Hopefully you enjoyed my little rant. I love overthinking stuff like this and also love chatting about over-the-top headcanons. If you have any thoughts on this (or other headcanons you want to share), please do!

[keiicom]

Yjh things the Webtoon 'forgot' to mention or to point out bc they hate novel yjh

Warning for vague webtoon spoilers ig?? No spoilery names are named and no unreleased scenarios are mentioned/specified btw but I thought I'd add this warning just in case :)

He waited three days on the bridge for kdj to resurface after he dropped him in the Ichytosaurs mouth. Just. Waited there.

He smiles when Kdj tries his food and says it's good (it's more like a tiny smug smile tbh)

He is a WORRIER. Man worries about everything, but sucks at expressing it through actions bc that's when he's most easily misunderstood. It is EXTREMELY easy to misunderstand his actions unless the other characters ask him what he's doing and why [after he explains, he turns out to be actually really thoughtful tbh]

When he tells 41st round shin yoosung to "quit her blabbering"...he wasn't that harsh in the novel. The line was changed (still don't know why) but originally he said something about not having enough time, and wasn't a complete asshole.

Also during that same arc/scene it was revealed that he woke her up because he genuinely didn't think she'd attack him/be mad at him iirc, so it wasn't him being stupid, just somewhat naive

When Iris called KDJ ugly he actually stepped forward and intimidated her by glaring so she'd stop talking :) because he sensed fighting spirit in her and he decided to react lmao

His eyebrow moves similarly to a caterpillar when he's about to make an important decision (note: kdj points this out in the novel because he's always staring at yjh I swear to god there's proof)

Yjh puts on a 'cool' face when he's been caught or called out after trying to be sneaky (he's SO BAD at being sneaky istg I love this man so much)

He sometimes uses his skills for stupid and petty shit *said lovingly with heart eyes*

He's more likely to give someone/an NPC a quick death than to make them suffer until they die

He always goes along with KDJ's plans, even though Kdj barely tells him ANYTHING about them ever 😭 He glares but still goes along with them I NEED Y'ALL TO UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS- /lh

He drags his sword on the ground when he's happy/satisfied with something, or generally in a good mood. Also Loves to clean his sword (I think the webtoon added a scene of him cleaning the sword like. once)

He loves his sister more than anything (we haven't seen a lot of scenes with yoo mia AND yjh in the webtoon yet but I have high expectations for those knowing how much he adores her in the novel)

Mans RUNS to help every time kdj is in danger, unless he genuinely thinks kdj 1) can handle the situation himself or 2) deserves the punishment

He has MONOLOGUES in his head even though he only ever says like two sentences thakrhsjfjb, and is very eloquent when given the chance to explain his thought process/reasoning

[which kdj rarely lets him do. bc he's hellbent on doing the talking and most other characters don't expect yjh to talk anyway]

The hand holding scene that was turned into a weird wrist holding scene? Yes originally they held hands (he wasn't as angry then either)

He's a serial texter and will spam message people

He loves dumplings

He gets jealous when other people monopolize Dokja's attention for too long (also canon, ex: Sangah, [redacted 1], sometimes han sooyoung, [redacted 2], [redacted 3] 💀 and WILL glare at Kdj or demand answers depending on how severe the transgression is)

He's tired. So, so tired.

HE CAN LAUGH

he doesn't let Han Sooyoung live out of pride/not wanting to lose to kdj (???? what even was that). he lets her live because he doesn't want kdj to think poorly of him / alternatively he doesn't want to lose him as an ally. Not everything is about pride with him 🫠

he looks embarrassed after hearing yoo mia tell him he looks "happy when you talk about [kdj]". the narration also gives her statement some credibility, because "she knows him well since she's his sister". but of course they made him look angry instead of embarrassed 🙄 bc god forbid he shows any other facial expression ever

He's nosy (again: said lovingly with heart eyes). You'll notice how even when he pretends not to care, he'll still stick around to see how things develop/gather info on 'important' stuff. If he's not interested, he'll just leave, bc he's the kind of guy to just do that. So if he doesn't leave, even if he's pretending not to care... you see where I'm going with this

He has a sense of humor, believe it or not (though most of the time he's hilarious without meaning to)

When [redacted] asked yoo joonghyuk what his deal was with kdj and why he wanted him in his group he said "kdj is necessary for this world. I need him." but webtoon decided to skip that line 🫠

I'd add more but the rest is spoilers fhajhrjeka so yeah I'll just wait to see what webtoon does first and I'll update this as they go

Yjh says "I guess your mother doesn't like me" instead of this "like mother like son" bullshit, because the second one implies dokja doesn't like him. which couldn't be farther from the truth

Yoo Joonghyuk actually looks distraught when he realizes he's the one that has to kill [REDACTED]. To the point [REDACTED] has to tell him to not make that face.

He holds him tenderly as [REDACTED] falls, and tries to hang onto him as he's dragged away.

[stardust-sunset]

We always talk about the Curtis bros, but do you have any Johnny hcs? ❤️🎞️

Oh absolutely!

(tw for suicide and s/h mentions)

He used to feed the stray animals of the lot-he’d be walking to the Curtis’ house and there would be an army of kittens and puppies following him

He names them all too, he has favorites but he won’t admit it

His favorite is a black lab he named Mocha and a dark brown cat with green eyes that he named Cinnamon (he loves his food related names)

He has the biggest appetite out of everyone in the gang-when the Curtis brothers would host thanksgiving they would make two turkeys for that reason alone

He’s very light footed and will sidle people by mistake

He hates bio because he hates dissecting things (more so after bobs death- i refuse to accept that Johnny died)

He knows karate because he would watch through a window (tying together Ralph Macchio’s roles lol)

His hair is canonically super fluffy not greased back (in the movie at least) and he secretly loves when people play with it but will never let anyone actually do it unless it’s a gang member

He always makes sassy little quips under his breath and no one gets mad because they’re actually kinda funny and original

Before their deaths, Johnny was super super close to Mrs. Curtis

Like she would leave slices of cake or leftovers from dinner on the windowsill because she knew he was too prideful (and too worried about bothering anyone) to actually ask

He doesn’t get bloated no matter how much he eats. Soda is insanely jealous

He’s not big on cuddling because he’s just jumpy but sometimes he’ll snuggle up with Pony in the lot

He’s one of the shortest in the gang, right after Sodapop (i’d say he’s 5’10’’ or so)

‘He is undefeated in burping contests and he’s proud of it (unless he’s in public then he gets all shy. Dally gives him shit for it like “come on we’ve all heard you before! don’t get all chicken on us now!”)

He isn’t subtle about being hungry either. He by far has the loudest stomach in the gang (coincidental for him being so quiet)

Him and Pony were inseparable as kids and Soda was insanely jealous (he got over it after Mrs Curtis explained Johnny doesn’t have anyone at home like Pony and that Soda has him all the time while Johnny doesn’t)

He never drinks. Ever. Even when he’s of age because he’s seen what it’s done to his parents and it scares him

The rest of the gang know this and they don’t drink around him or come near him when they’re actually drunk

He’s the prettiest crier you’ll ever see

He was an oops baby and his parents have no shame in telling him so. Because of this he often feels like a mistake and takes it out on himself in very bad ways

He has an older sister but she ran away and left him behind. He used to resent her for it but then started wondering if he would’ve gone through with it if she had gone with him

He loves croissants

He isn’t a fan of chocolate and swears sour/gummy things are better (him and Pony have bickered about this)

He has no problem standing up for himself against the gang if he thinks they’re being unfair to him

He’s not really competitive but he’s oddly good at making bets

He doesn’t bother taking a lunch period in school because he never has food anyway

He gets easily embarrassed when people know he’s hungry because he feels like he’s being a burden or something

His mom is Hispanic and his dad is Native American

He’s fluent in Spanish because of this and knows a bunch of insults (mainly because his mom used them on him)

He has a high spice tolerance but spicy stuff makes him burp and hiccup like crazy

He’s a quiet crier. Like he’ll just put his head down and you’ll hear teeny tiny gasps. He kinda trained himself to be quiet though

He loves ducklings. He’s rehabilitated a number of animals because he has genuine care for them but ducklings and birds were always his favorites

He’s on the ace spectrum (Demisexual)

He has the biggest brownest eyes imaginable and knows when to use the puppy eyes to get what he wants (even Dally can’t so no to those puppy eyes)

He often makes jokes absolutely degrading himself and the gang always sits him down for a “101 reasons why we love Johnny” session

He made a joke about offing himself one time. Did not end well. The gang panicked and wouldn’t let him be anywhere alone for months because they were so worried

Speaking of, he’s attempted a number of times but was obviously never successful

He always feels a lump in his throat when he sees anyone with s/h scars because it means they’re hurting in a similar way to him

His parents tried to institutionalize him once but the gang got there before anything could actually happen

His response she to fear tends to be snap back. It’s all he knows. So if he’s afraid or feels threatened he will snap and yell at you

He hates feeling like a pet. The soc girls at school would treat him like a quiet shy pet until he snapped back at them

He despises nearly every soc (before he met cherry and expanded his thought process)

He has a pine allergy and once Darry had a pine scented candle and he almost died (Darry felt awful because he didn’t know)

Whenever the gang roughhouses they go light on him and make a point to not insult him because they don’t want it to turn into something his parents would do

I kinda like to headcanon that he has vitiligo but on his arms and back and such but he’s really insecure about it so he hides it

He has pretty bad PTSD and his panic attacks are intense

He has told the gang to “shut the fuck up” when they got too loud

Coincidentally he despises johnnycakes (he melts when it’s used as a nickname for him tho)

He’s kinda big on pet names because he didn’t get that a lot as a kid from anyone besides Mrs. Curtis. But he also doesn’t like to feel babied

That’s all I have for now-really went on the angst train…woof-anyway-hope you enjoy!

[theconstantsidekick]

Captain America: Civil War ft. Static (9) | s.r

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Stark!Reader, Tony Stark x Stark!Reader (siblings)

Genre: Angst city babyyyy

Summary: Zemo has a revelation in store for the Stark siblings, and suffice it to say neither of them takes very kindly to being betrayed by someone they had once trusted with their life.

(These scenes incorporate y/n, codename—Static, into the pre-existing story as a character without making drastic changes to the plot or mythos. All the major plot points from the MCU remain in place with the addition of the reader as Static, who is not only a Stark but also enhanced. Whatever events from the canon aren’t mentioned, take place without much change.)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Past Trauma, Canon Typical Violence, Accident?

a/n: My writing speed is that of a fucking turtle.

Captain America: Civil War ft. Static (8) | Captain America: Civil War ft. Static (10) | Series Masterlist | Age of Ultron (Static Origin Story) | The Avengers (ft. Static) | Captain America: The Winter Soldier (ft. Static) | Static Verse Masterlist

“Ross has no idea I'm here. I'd like to keep it that way. Otherwise, I gotta arrest myself,” she hears Tony’s voice ring out somewhere ahead.

“Well, that sounds like a lot of paperwork,” she can hear Steve’s desperation for truce in his response. 

Y/n can glitch in right now. She’s at the end of the corridor, a couple of steps and she’ll be with them. But not yet. She’s desperate for there to be a solid sign of the truce. She isn’t sure she can watch her brother and the man she loves with her body and soul fight any more. It’s been tearing her apart. 

The truce—even a temporary one—is all she can hope for. And apparently good things come to those who wait.

“It's good to see you, Tony.” Steve adds finally.

“You too, Cap.” Tony responds. A smile breaks out on her face. “Hey, Manchurian Candidate, you're killing me. There's a truce here. You can drop the…” she hears Tony say and she knows that is the right moment.

Sergeant Barnes lowers his weapon and the moment he does, she miscalculates by an inch and glitches in just behind him.

“Am I interrupting something?”

The progression of Sergeant Barnes’ gun changes instantly. It’s aimed at her within the second. The response time on the man is beyond absurd. She’d go as far as to say it’s impressive if she weren’t, you know? Whatever, you get it.

Her hands fly up. “Easy there, Sergeant!”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Tony asks from where he’s standing down the stairs, in front of Steve.

Slowly, with her hands still up, she descends down the stairs to stand between the two most important men in her life. “What the fuck does that even mean? You thought I was going to leave you two alone after the shit you’ve been pulling in the last 72 hours?”

“I didn’t think you’d come,” Steve adds, with a hint of hope in his words. If she were looking his way, she’s sure she could spot the curve of his lips forming the most subtle smile. She absolutely loves seeing that smile… but she doesn’t really wanna look his way, in the general direction of the man right behind Steve.

“I wish I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have a gun pointed at me,” she retorts, eyes straight ahead, staring at the slimy gray walls of the HYDRA facility.

“Are you—” Tony takes a step closer to her, “Are you trying not to make eye-contact with Barnes?”

Her hands are still up as she’s facing Tony, “Yeah, no. I’m trying not to even look in his general direction. I’m still pretty scared of him.” She turns to the Sergeant but her eyes are locked on a spot on the floor that seems particularly interesting right now. “I’m extremely sorry, Sergeant Barnes, I mean no offense by this,” she looks to Steve, “but can you please make him put the gun down, it’s really not helping.”

“Bucky,” is all Steve has to say and instantly the gun’s down. It’s like whatever trance the Sergeant was in has broken. .

“I really am sorry,” she tries to tell him, looking vaguely in his direction. “It’s purely instinctual. It’ll fade… eventually. But for now…”

“I—” Sergeant Barnes tries but she cuts him off.

“We’ll talk about this, but not here and definitely not now.” Sergeant Barnes just nods slowly. Satisfied, she looks back at her brother and her boyfriend, “Let’s focus on stopping Zemo for now, rest we can figure out when time comes.”

With that sorted, all four of them begin making their way slowly down the corridor.

“I got heat signatures,” Tony comments.

“How many?” Steve asks.

“Uh, one,” Tony offers after a moment of consideration.

That makes Y/n halt her steps. Something’s off. She can feel something off. There’s a presence she can’t put her finger on. Not Zemo. Something else.

“What’s wrong?” Sergeant Barnes asks her.

She thinks it over for a second and then, “Nothing.”

As they walk into the vast chamber the lights come on. There are capsules in front of them, attached to the wall each one containing an enhanced soldier from the 1991 experiments. Hazy, yellow mist descends within the capsules. However, the bullet holes on the glass enclosures is what scares the shit out of her.

“They’re… They’re dead,” Y/n notes.

There’s a short crackle and a voice sounds out from the speakers. “If it’s any comfort, they died in their sleep.” It’s Zemo. Her eyes fly from Tony to Steve who seem to be having the same realization. “Did you really think I wanted more of you?”

“What the hell?” Sergeant Barnes questions under her breath.

“I’m grateful to them, though. They brought you here.” Zemo appears in a control room.

Before Y/n can warn him against it, Steve hurls his shield at him but it ricochets easily against the chamber and comes flying back to Steve. 

“Please, Captain,” Zemo’s voice is laced with a smirk. “The Soviets built this chamber to withstand the launch blast of UR-100 rockets.”

“I’m betting I could beat that,” Tony retorts, walking closer.

“Oh, I’m sure you could Mr. Stark… Given time,” Zemo taunts. “But then you’d never know why you came.”

“You killed innocent people in Vienna just to bring us here?” Steve questions Zemo from across the glass window of the chamber.

Zemo, fucking, smirks.

It should terrify her, and to some extent it does. But there’s something in his eyes, something so familiar to her that she can’t believe she’s seeing it reflected back. She’s seen that look in her own eyes in the mirror for decades.

It’s fire. It’s fire and it’s rage and it’s as personal as it can get.

“I thought about nothing else for over a year. I studied you. I followed you. But now that you’re standing here, I just realized… there’s a bit of green in the blue of your eyes,” Zemo notes, and fuck if that doesn’t creep the shit out of her. “How nice to find a flaw.”

“You’re Sokovian,” Steve notes. “Is that what this is about?”

“Sokovia was a failed state long before you blew it to hell. No.” Zemo dismisses the assessment so easily, so carelessly, it’s making all the damn alarm bells go off in her system. “I'm here because I made a promise.”

Steve studies Zemo for a second and then,, “You lost someone?” 

His eyes darken.

Y/n knows that feeling, this feeling. She knows it through and through.

Zemo clicks his tongue, then, “I lose everyone. And so will you.” He presses something on the console to his right. Instantly the computer on Steve’s right lights up. Something flashes on screen, Y/n can’t help herself, getting more curious by every passing word of the conversation, she walks over to Steve, to the computer. 

16 Декабрь 1991

She… she’s not sure how to…

What’s happening?

This isn’t—this isn’t…

“An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again. But one which crumbles from within? That’s dead…” Zemo’s words are dangerous.

“Anthony,” is all that Y/n can choke out. It’s probably her tone, and the use of his full name that brings Tony rushing over to her side.

She reaches for his hand. Instinctually, Tony disassembles his armor from his hand so he can hold hers.

When Tony looks at the freeze frame of a secluded road and the date on the tape, December 16 1991, his eyes rove with anxiety. “I know that road. What is this?”

As the tape begins to play, the horror unfolds in front of her eyes. She watches unable to breathe with an iron grip on the Iron Man. 

She watches the car crash, she watches Howard Stark plead only to be shocked at the face of his assailant. She watches as her bloodied-up best friend, the person who saved her, the person who gave her a home—the person who gave her a family—is struck in the head with a metal arm. She watches on as Howard’s body slumps, falling to the ground lifelessly. His corpse is then dragged back and placed in the driver’s seat of the car.

Then the assailant moves on to the next target, the collateral damage, Maria. He walks over to the passenger seat of the car where Maria is calling for Howard. She watches Maria plead for help but help doesn’t arrive. Instead, expressionless, the assailant chokes the life out of her. Maria Stark dies. The kindest woman she’s ever known in her life is drained of her life and left like trash at the corner of an unnamed road.

The Winter Soldier then walks up and aims the gun at the surveillance camera and shoots it.

The screen goes black.

Y/n had some semblance of an idea that perhaps yes, Howard and Maria Stark’s death wasn’t an ordinary accident. She’d desperately begged Peggy to look into it, with Thompson and Souza. They had and gave it the all clear.

But in this moment, she thinks—she realizes, perhaps she always knew the truth and was too afraid to look into it. Because if not then, why didn’t she investigate it herself? Back then she’d given herself the excuse that Tony needed her more than the investigation. She’d told herself that she’d be too biased to conduct a sound inquiry. Her feelings would’ve gotten the entire thing too muddled up and messy. She told herself it was the smarter thing to maintain distance. 

That was all horseshit.

She was a scared little kid on the streets of Madripoor once again. She’d lost her family and was walking around without a place to call home and the thought of having to fight HYDRA on top of that would’ve been too much. She’d looked the other way, let things slide, let the murder of her only family slide on account of being a fucking pussy.

And now, she has to confront the truth.

“Did you know?” Tony asks Steve somewhere behind her.

She can’t take her eyes off the now black screen.

“I didn’t know it was him,” Steve answers.

“Don’t bullshit me, Rogers! Did you know?” 

There’s silence for a few seconds, a long, long few seconds, and then, “Yes.”

That—now that makes Y/n turn.

She only catches Steve’s eyes for a second, before Tony’s punching Steve and reengaging the Iron Man helmet. 

More things happen, the fight’s broken out, she’s sure more shit goes down but something just pricked her in the back of her neck and she’s feeling a little dizzy. Everything feels… so fucking heavy. 

Y/n can still hear the commotion from the fight between the men but it seems distant.

“My apologies, Miss Stark, you imbalance the scales too much,” Zemo’s voice rings out on the speaker. “You’ll be back in the game in just a little while.”

“You ever plan on opening your eyes, sleeping beauty?

“What have you got against my happiness, you cruel, cruel man?”

“I’m not the one who wanted to do this, remember?”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re an ass?” She dragged herself out of the passenger seat of the car. Stretching to unfold her joints, she shoved the man next to her just for the fun of it. 

“I’ve got a list of ‘em under my bed, you want to be the latest addition?” He threw back with a smile. Say what you will about the man, but no one can ever deny that Howard Stark had a killed smile. 

“Smart ass,” she chided him without much heat.

“Yeah, yeah. Tell me something new,” he retorted, hand waved in dismissal. “You ever gonna tell me why we’re here? As far as I recall, I was promised the best bachelor party known to mankind.”

She rolled her eyes. “I didn’t promise jackshit, dickwad. I told you we were going to Atlantic City, the rest you made up all in your head, all by your lonesome.”

“What’s a man supposed to think when his best friend tells him that the bachelor party road trip is going to be to Atlantic City?” He pulled a box of cigarettes from his pocket. He put the cigarette between his lips and lit it.

They were leaning on their broken down car, parked on the beach—parked, however would be a generous term. They’d pushed it off the highway onto the beach as a makeshift camp site. The sun was setting ahead of them, slowly being swallowed up by the waves. The wind blew in their faces, as the cars passed by behind them. It made the shit-show of a road trip seem almost worth it… if you didn’t include their car breaking down in the middle and having to push it for a couple miles. Yeah, pretty worth it apart from that one slight glitch.

“I’m your best friend?” She asked, absolutely confused.

Howard just looked at her once before breaking out in maniac laughter. “What sorta question is that?”

“A genuine one,” she told him, serious as ever. “Howie, you serious? I’m your best friend?”

“Yeah, Stark! Obviously you’re my best friend, who else?” He replied, still laughing his ass off. 

“Any fucking body, man. Even Jarvis seems like a more likely option than… me,” she answered.

“That’s some horse shit, Stark and you know it! We live together, we work together, we shit together, eat together. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone’s face as much as I’ve seen yours in the last couple years. You’ve got my last name, damn it. Who the fuck else would be my best friend?” He was looking at her then, genuinely concerned. He seemed like she was asking him if the moon truly revolved around the Earth.

“I… I thought all that—all that’s shit you have to live through cause Peggy dumped me on you,” she provided meekly.

That apparently irked him some. “You think I do all that shit with you cause of Peggy?” He asked. 

She nodded in a simple reply.

That apparently was not the right move. 

He threw the cigarette to the ground, quite angry now, “Why the fuck would I? I’m not a saint and you know it. I never have been. You could count all my good deeds on one hand and all of them had a selfish reason behind it.” He began to pace.

“What was the reason behind this one?”

He looked at her, eyes wide in astonished fury. “The reason behind letting you into my life was that you are by far the only person who understands me. You are the only person I have ever met who’s never asked me to mold myself into something I’m not, while simultaneously encouraging me to be better. You’ve been in my corner, without hesitation and you’ve ripped me a new one when I’ve been wrong. You, Stark, are the only person I’ve ever met who is able to make me believe I am a good man, and understand that I can be better!” He seemed like he was about to blow a gasket. “People see me, see an ass and let me be. You are probably the only person who looks at me and sees the complexities, the entire picture of me as a man. No one gets me, Stark, not even me… Not like you do. 

“At the end of the day, sharing a beer with you, working on cars with you, bitching about S.H.I.E.L.D. with you, that shit keeps me sane. Part of me’s so fucking glad you quit, cause now you’re not gone for days on end for stupid fucking missions. Cause then I get to sit with you and chat about absolutely nothing.” He was still pacing. “You really thought I did all that out of the goodness of my heart? You think I gave you my name cause Peggy asked me to?”

She nodded again, which again was apparently not the right call.

“FUCK, Stark! If I were such a giver I would’ve joined the fucking Red Cross! I gave you my name cause you are my family, damn it!”

“Oh.”

“Oh?!” He raged, not pacing anymore. Facing her, he asked, “That’s all you got?”

She thought for a second, looked over at the man who was standing in front of her, wearing a t-shirt and jeans like any normal dude. The last time she saw the man without a suit and tie was a long time ago, he looked much less of a dick this way. 

“We came here for, i don’t know, for something like a… a last hurrah. I found a place downtown. That and—” she was cut off.

“What?” Howard Stark looked like someone had just punched him in the gut. 

“I found a place downtown,” she told him. “Gimme a week or so, I’ll be out before the wedding.”

“What?”

She hesitated, “I’d be out sooner but I don’t really own… furniture?”

“WHAT?”

She didn’t know how to respond to this line of questioning anymore. “What do you mean what?”

“Is this about what happened? If you’re mad at me, which you have every right to be, let’s fight it out. Punch me if you want, Stark. I’ll take it!” He looked so desperate, it threw her for a spin.

“No! No, this isn’t about that,” she told him, because it’s not.

“Then why else would you talk about moving out?” He didn’t let her answer. He took a couple steps towards her. He fumbled with his words, going back and forth before he looked at her and said, “Look, I understand what I did… I wa—I was way out of line. But I am truly sorry, Stark. I promise you, it will never happen again. I… My head wasn’t in the right place. I thought if I found something—no I don’t know. I thought I could help. You were struggling with controlling your powers, so I thought maybe I could find something to help you with it. I thought I’d tell you if I found something, and if I didn’t then… Then no harm done, right?” He seemed beyond desperate.

“It’s not about that, Howie.”

“Come on! I know you’re pissed at me! Just say it!”

She walked past him, with her back to him and her face to the ocean ahead, she replied, “I am not pissed at you, Howie…”

“Don’t bullshit me.”

She exhaled deeply. “I’m hurt, not pissed.”

“Is that why you want to move out?” He asked, his voice small.

She turned to him then, “What? No! You’re my best friend, dickwad. I ain’t ditching you cause you did something profoundly stupid?” 

“I’m your best friend?” Howard asked.

She rolled her eyes. “Fuck off, asshat.”

He took a step towards her. “No, seriously. I thought, after what I pulled…”

“You were an ass, yes. It was a breach of trust and like I said, I am… I’m pretty hurt… But that’s got nothing to do with any of this.”

“Then?”

“You’re getting married, man. I can’t keep crashing on your couch once your wife’s around,” she explained. “How is she gonna feel?”

“Elated,” he answered easily. Before she could argue, continued, “I think Maria is more excited about sharing the place with you than me. Something about you being a better cook or whatever.” He leaned on the car again, pulling out a fresh cigarette, he lit it.

“Oh so it’ll be you, your wife and the freeloader on the couch? One big happy family?” She was frankly really confused about the entire arrangement.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. I’ve never bought groceries a day in my life, and yet the fridge is always stocked. You’re the farthest thing from a freeloader, Stark. And besides, I’m not as big a dumbass as you think I am, you know? I’m not gonna make her move into my room that shares a wall with yours.”

“Then?” She asked, motioning him to pass the cigarette to her. She took a drag.

“I live in a mansion, you idiot. We’ll move into the master-bedroom, like God fucking intended I’ll turn my old room into my lab, which let’s be honest is already my lab, and we’ll be fine and dandy!” He took the offered cigarette from her hand and took a drag himself.

“Oh…”

“You really didn’t think I had a plan?” He asked with the smirk audible in his words.

She shook her head, “I thought moving out would be the kinder, smarter thing to do.”

“How?”

“I’d be done burdening you and it’d be less humiliating than you finding me a place as a way of politely telling me to fuck off,” she offered.

He looked at her again, “If after all these years you don’t already know that place is your home, then I have been doing something seriously wrong.” 

Somewhere behind them, up the hill on the road, a car was parked as the two passengers were yelling out their names from inside it. It was Jarvis and Maria, calling out to them. She and Howard had called them asking for help once they knew their car couldn’t be saved even with the joint acumen of both friends. 

They both turned at their names being yelled out. Looking back at the site of Maria waving at them, Howard’s head fell. “I really have been doing it wrong, haven’t I?”

She motioned for both of them to park the car and join them on the beach before turning to Howard. “You’ve been doing just fine.”

“I shouldn’t have lied to you about the experiments,” he stood up straighter. “If you want to move out because of all that shit, I understand. I’ll get you a place in New York, not too close but not too far either. And you don’t gotta worry about any furniture or any of that shit. I’ll get it sorted.” He turned over to Jarvis and Maria who were walking down the hill to them. “Hey Jarvis, what was the name of my realtor?” He shouted.

She punched him on the shoulder, hard.

“OWW! What was that for?”

“For betraying my trust and conducting experiments on my blood without my consent,” she told him, his face sobered instantly. So she punched him again.

“FUCK ME! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?”

“Thinking I cared for you so little that betraying me would change the fact that you’re my best friend.”

“What in God’s name are the two of you doing?” Maria asked as she and Jarvis finally came to stand in front of them.

“Oh I was just about to ask Stark if I can punch for thinking you and I were going to kick her out,” Howard told Maria while looking at her with a smirk.

“You’re welcome to try.” She told him.

But Maria intervened, “What kind of nonsense is that? Why the hell would you move out?” Her tone is so stern it throws her off. “You’re family.”

And just like that, it was settled.

Y/n was a Stark.

When she wakes up, all she can hear is Steve’s voice ringing in her ears.

‘Don’t bullshit me, Rogers! Did you know?’

‘Yes’

Her eyes couldn’t focus. Try as she might, her head is too heavy for her vision to be anything but blurry. Everything’s too heavy. She tries to stand, but the weight of her bones seem so foreign, she can barely flip herself onto her stomach.

But then, she hears something. The sound of a metal clashing into metal.

And a yelp. Tony’s yelp.

That’s a war cry. 

With whatever little strength she can muster up, she pushes herself off the ground. Stumbling across the hall, struggling to make her way through the  broken pieces of concrete, she gets to the end of the corridor, to the sight of her brother, on his knees, being tag teamed by Sergeant Barnes and Steve Rogers.

Suffice it, all hell breaks loose.

Her armor is up within the second.

Instantly she glitches in front of Tony, between the two super soldiers. Punching Barnes in the throat, her focus lands on Steve.

“Y/n,” Steve tries, stumbling back.

“Steve,” she speaks evenly, as she takes a step towards him.

“Y/n, he didn’t know,” his words are haphazard, confused. He keeps stepping back, trying to put distance between himself and her.

She’s not going to let him go that easily. “Uh-huh.”

“HYDRA had brainwashed him,” Steve says.

Her fists clench. 

“You know what that’s like, don’t you?”

And that—well, he shouldn’t have said that.

The first punch she throws lands straight on his jaw. She even hears it crack.

“Y/n,” he tries again, stumbling back.

“Talking part’s over, Rogers.” The second hit lands directly to his gut. He falls to his knees, she grabs his collar, dragging him upright, she hits him, and then hits him again, and again. As she’s going for another hit, a metal arm wraps around her wrist—halting her in the process.

Turning she faces Barnes. Knees him in the side, waits for him to recoil, for the hurt and lands a gorgeous uppercut. She grabs him by his shirt to keep him from falling. Pulling him back, she knees his other side, elbows him right to the face, once, twice, thrice before he blocks her.

He tries to land a hit to her side but she dodges easily. He’s using his right arm, instead of the metal one. It’s Barnes fighting her right now, not The Winter Soldier. She aims a kick to his temple but is blocked by Steve before she can land it. He pulls her by her leg, ready to throw her to the other side of the room only to get her off Barnes. He thinks she’s targeting him, that Barnes is her focus, the main subject of her anger.

He couldn’t be more wrong.

Mid motion of Steve yanking her off, she glitches out of his hand easily. She glitches in, less than a second later, only a couple steps ahead of him.

He yelps, shaking off his hand. The contact of his hand on her leg sent a bolt of electricity through his hand. She’s brimming with so much power right now, she’s kind of impressed with him still standing. He eyes her. She can see a confusion of determination and.. Fear.

It makes her a little cocky.

With a clenched jaw and a slight tilt of her head, she challenges both men to do their worst.

Steve attacks her from the left side, while Barnes takes her on from the right. It’s hubris at its best. Steve Rogers is holding back because he believes he’s stronger, he believes he might hurt her. Sergeant Barnes is afraid to even have the fight, he’s only fighting to protect his best friend. But otherwise, he’s ridden with guilt—guilt of killing Howard and Maria, guilt of all the people he killed when he was brainwashed by HYDRA, the guilt of torturing her relentlessly under HYDRA’s mind control. Barnes is fighting with his heart, not his head.

Both men have made the crucial and substantial error of pissing her off.

She reads their attacks easily, dodging most and letting Barnes hit Steve by just moving out of the way or using Steve’s momentum to land a punch on Barnes. Their fight pattern is old and boring, just like them. Barnes manages to land a hit to her leg, she gives it back to him two folds by wrapping her thighs around his throat and throwing him through the ground. Steve on the other hand barely manages to land a hit to her gut.

“Ugh!” She yells out, and the man halts instantly.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks, more out of habit than anything else.

Fucking idiot, she thinks, before kicking him straight in the chest. He stumbles back and falls on his ass. Furious at his naivete, he’s back on his feat instantly. With Barnes in toe, they jump back in on her.

But she sees them coming a mile away every single time—that’s the curse of fighting with your heart. It makes you predictable… if you know the person you’re up against.

There’s a hold, Steve’s shield against her punches, while the other hand’s occupied dodging attacks from Barnes. Steve looks at her then, right in the eyes before speaking between her punches, “Never thought you’d use it against me when I taught it to you.”

Belatedly, and only once the words leave Steve’s mouth does she realize that the move was his, he taught it to her on a sweet summery evening. They were covered in sweat and it felt sweeter than sin when one thing led to another and he’d tackled her to the ground for a completely different purpose altogether. She can practically feel her blood run cold.

The irony is, she would look back on this moment later and realise, that right now she’s doing the same fucking thing as the boys—fighting with her heart, with all the fire that’s burning inside of that small fragile little organ that her head doesn’t have a fucking chance against it. And unfortunately she doesn’t realize it until she makes the mistake of ignoring Barnes’ left arm. The metal arm.

Barnes lands blow right to her chest, the force of his super strength along with the metal fucking arm courtesy of HYDRA, sends her flying across the room. Her head hits the wall before she falls to the ground.

Her consciousness comes and goes, but she can swear she can hear Tony cursing at what she presumes are the offending party, Barnes and Rogers. But she can’t be too sure, the world seems to be slipping from her, like sand through her fingers.

“I know you always do, but I’ll say it just for my peace of mind—look out for Tony, will you?” Maria asked with such trepidation that one would think she genuinely was afraid the answer could ever possibly be anything except yes… AS IF. 

But Y/n just nodded.

Maria nodded as well and then looking back she placed a kiss on Tony’s cheek.  

“We’ll back by Monday morning,” Howard informed her, a little hesitant.

“Enjoy the fucking Bahamas,” Y/n had replied with a substantial amount of bitterness. She never appreciated it when they—more pointedly Howard—left Tony behind, so the bitterness came quite easily. And somehow it became the last thing she ever said to the two people who (along with Tony) constituted her entire family.

Her eyes open because of the sheer brightness of it. Her concussed brain cannot fathom what could possibly be radiating so much light. Until her eyes focus, then she sees it. Tony’s blast against Steve’s shield.

It breaks her heart. 

Then they’re fighting again. Steve’s falling heavy on Tony. With emotions running so high, she’s sure Tony’s not quite focused on his training. He’s probably relying on F.R.I.D.A.Y. to examine his fight patterns. She wants to help, but her head feels heavy, like there’s a leak in it. Stretching a hand with all her might, she touches the offending leak on the back of her head and apparently it really is a leak, because when she brings her hand back in front of her, it’s covered in red.

She looks around for Barnes then, suddenly very worried for Tony’s safety. She can’t protect him from both of them if she’s injured. But when she spots him lying on the ground, left shoulder armless and in ruins, all her fear fades away and she’s only left with pity.

When she looks back at Tony, he’s turned the tides. Steve’s on the floor on his knees in front of him.

“He's my friend,” she hears Steve say in between heavy breaths. But even on his feet with Tony looming over him, Steve Rogers sounds nothing but determined.

“So was I,” Tony replies… heartbroken.

Tony punches him again, then again and then throws him off to the side. “Stay down. Final warning,” he warns, blasters pointed at Steve.

Steve struggles to his feet, his face bloody and his gate weary. He raises his fists and stares Tony down, “I can do this all day.”

Iron man raises his left palm ready to fire. Bucky grabs his leg and Tony spins, kicking him in the face. Steve grabs Iron Man and lifts him over his head, then throws him down, punches him and bashes his mask off with his shield before striking down hard on the suit's core.Tony looks horrified and glowers fearfully at Steve who pants for breath. Both have blood spattered across their faces. Steve looks back at Tony then shuts his eyes and slumps down.

Later, much much later she’ll realize Steve had slammed the shield onto the arc reactor at the center of Tony’s suit on purpose. She doesn’t know that right now. Right now it’s too late, she sees red.

Slowly and then all at once the ground begins to shake. All three men are confused for a second until it clicks, for Barnes before either of her two favorite men in her life. Barnes is the one who looks to her for an explanation for what could very easily be a natural calamity. The other two follow eventually.

“Y/n,” Steve tries.

But like she’s already pointed out, it’s too fucking late. She’s radiating power, too much of it. Only when the men begin covering their eyes does she realize she’s radiating light, too much of it. She’s on her feet, levitating, inches above the ground.

“Doll,” Steve tries again. He shouldn’t have.

Her hands clench and the building begins shaking.

Steve takes a few steps towards her, with something akin to love in his eyes perhaps but she doesn’t much care for it now. “Doll, you gotta hear me out.”

“No…” she thinks aloud, “No I don’t.” She lets her hands go free, there’s a wave of energy that explodes from her, it's bright and it’s pink and it’s pure unadulterated power. The walls begin to crack, pieces of the structure begin to fall and all she can do is relish the horror in Steve’s eyes as the realization of her strength dawns on him.

The sky above them becomes more visible as the building and its miscellaneous parts fall away, and the sky is a soft shade of pink. She’s moving each and every part of their surroundings, even the clouds. They’re rubbing against each other, thunder crackling above them. There’s heat in her power, just as much as there is inside her. She’s burning with it, she wants to burn Steve with it as well.

How fucking dare he raise that shield against Tony? Against Howard’s son? After everything he did for Steve? After everything Tony did for Steve? After everything she did for him… after all her love?

How fucking dare he?

Her armor is up in a second and she hits the ground. Before Steve can even comprehend what’s happening, she manifests her blade, before he can register it, she’s shoving away Barnes who had stepped in to protect his best friend, before he can even react, her blade is glowing bright and pink inches from his eyes, already at his throat.

“Y/n,” Tony calls out, and his voice is the only thing between her and the death of Captain America at her hands.

It takes everything in her to not give in, to not slide her blade a little further, it’s already cutting in, drawing a drop of blood. She watches it trickle down onto his uniform. It breaks her heart, it breaks her apart. She loved this man, she loves this man, body and soul. She is his, even now. She doesn’t know how to not be his. She doesn’t know how to stop loving him, she is not sure she wants to, even now. But this is the cost of betrayal.

Barnes tries to step in, but he’s quite broken already. Moreover, he’s not her sinner. She glitches away with Steve only a couple steps away. Barnes is about to try again when she presses the blade further in, only by a millimeter but it draws more blood and Barnes backs down immediately. He looks to Tony, hopelessly.

“Y/n,” Tony begins. “Let him go.” His voice is broken and strained as it takes everything in him to get back on his feet. 

“Why?” She challenges. She’s raging, there’s so much inside her, so much brimming just under her skin, she’s electrified by it. The ground beneath her feet is shaking well enough that it’s cracking. They should be running, all of them should be running. Outside they can hear the structure crumbling to the ground, pieces of the building are falling all around them too.

“Because you love him, Y/n,” he tells her easily. There is no urgency in his voice, there is no fear either. He’s not worried about getting buried under the rubble, he’s not particularly worried about Steve either, she thinks. He’s speaking as if he’s just stating a fact, and a fact it is. “You love him so damn much.”

“So?” She watches Steve wince at her response, which wouldn’t throw her off all that much but he hadn’t even flinched when she’d first placed the blade against his throat. 

“So?” Tony throws back, his voice rumbling alongside the thundering clouds. It’ll begin raining any second now. “So it’ll kill you to kill him.”

“He deserves it,” she tells Tony, because he fucking does.

“I know,” Tony acquiesce. “But you don’t. It’ll break you, Y/n. And I can’t… I can’t lose you too….”

She knows he’s right. If she kills him right here, right now, and she could, she really fucking could, Tony would lose her because she well and truly loves this man more than she needs air to breathe. Because with every one of her responses she watches his heart break and while it felt like vengeance, her heart is aching knowing that she caused it.

What the fuck does that even mean? She wants him to hurt, like he’s hurt her but causing him pain hurts her more than it harms him so what even is the fucking point?

What in the fuck is the motherfucking point?

“Fuck!” She curses. 

She looks at Tony, covered in wounds and blood, who, just like her, is raging with anger only kept at bay out of reverence for her. He shakes his head. 

“FUCK!” She yells out, another wave of power pulsing out of her, breaking the entire foundation of the building at once. And then swiftly, she pushes Steve away and rushes over to her brother, shouldering his weight. 

Behind her, she hears Steve take a step towards her, but is stopped in his tracks when an entire staircase falls in front of him, blocking his path. It’s for the best. “Get out,” Tony tells him. “Get the fuck out of our lives, Rogers.” She doesn’t turn to look at Steve’s face at his words. She doesn’t want to know. 

Steve begins leaving, helping Barnes up and shouldering his weight. 

There’s rubble falling all around them when Tony calls out one last time. “That shield doesn't belong to you. My father made that shield!”

“You don't deserve it,” she says it only as a whisper but she knows he can hear it clear as day. 

Steve stops, raises his chin, then drops the shield and walks away with Bucky's arm around his shoulder.

Before the entire thing can collapse on their heads, Y/n glitches Tony and herself outside, near his jet.

It begins raining. It’s not supposed to rain this time of year in Siberia, but with the amount of energy Y/n has let escape into the sky, the clouds had very little say on the matter.

They sit there on the snow, under the rain and watch as the building crumbles to the ground. It’s a fucking mess. 

It’s silent but the animosity in the air is clear.

She knows he hates her right now and she can’t blame him all that much to be honest.

“You should have let me kill him,” she tells him.

Tony scoffs. “You should have let me kill Barnes.”

“Wasn’t his fucking fault he was brainwashed. He probably didn’t even remember till Zemo showed him the fucking tape. But Steve… he knew, and he lied to us.”

“You got great taste in men.”

Her jaw clenched, “You should have let me kill him then.”

“What would be the point?”

She doesn’t know the answer. But the terse tone of his voice is proof enough that a part of him blames her for it too. And well, he should. She could’ve done so much more about it all but instead she chose to fall for the man who lied to them about the death of their family. Of course he hates her. She hates herself.

Her phone chimes. Reluctantly she checks it. “Fuck,” she curses.

“Let me guess, in another 5 minutes I’m about to get a text from dear old Theadore about how he’s on his way ready to rain down hellfire?” Tony questions, clearly rhetorically. When she doesn’t respond, Tony clenches his jaw and says, “Get out of here, I’ll take care of it.”

“Tony,” she tries.

“Get out of here, Y/n!” Is all he says as he gets up and begins making his way inside his jet.

She stands there for a second, soaking in the rain, letting the snow beneath her feet burn her cold. And then she glitches away.

Read the next part here, Find the series masterlist here. Find other Static Verse works here.

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tag list is important now more than ever, i post but very scarcely, please let me know if you want to be on it.

[stackthedeck]

Do you know of any good booster gold reading lists for a beginner to his comics? You're converting me

I've made a few videos about with reading lists for him on tiktok they're in my comic recommendations playlist but also like I fully understand not wanting to open that app

there's this thread on twitter that gives specific issues so you don't have to read decades of comics this is a good way to get an idea of the character quickly. It's a fast way of reading but I find the skipping between books tedious and not as much fun

there's also this very helpful very exhaustive spreadsheet of every appearance of Ted and Booster! Very helpful, but you don't have to read everything for sure

And then I'm going to put my own personal reading list under the cut and it's a lot so remember you don't have to read everything and there's no shame in skipping around!

Must reads

Booster Gold 1986— This is the first appearance of Booster Gold, obviously you've gotta read it. It's only 25 issues and is legitimately such a fun and interesting read. The way information about him is slowly revealed is good I wish I could have been there when these were releasing

Justice League International/America— some people read this as they read Booster Gold (refer to the twitter thread I linked if you want to do that) I didn't and I wasn't confused when reading it. I kinda like reading it all without switching to the other book. This is a huge stretch of comics and I'm not saying you should read it all... but I'm also saying it's a very good era of comics and I enjoyed it a lot. If you only want Booster related issue refer to the spreadsheet.

Countdown to Infinite Crisis— woah big skip in time! Let's just say after JLA ends Booster and the team have a... controversial stretch of appearances. Countdown is just one big long single issue and it's beautiful, gotta read it.

The OMAC Project— this is the fallout of countdown and I really enjoy Booster being angry and it helps set up Infinite Crisis which I guess you should also read but I'm really take it or leave it with that event.

52 weeks— (not to be confused with new 52 I made that mistake) This book works surprising well for having four authors and so many characters to juggle. Booster is a huge player in this event and it's very enjoyable to read as a fan of him. This event also leads directly to his second solo

Booster Gold 2007—this shit fucks so hard!! I love Booster as "the greatest hero you've never heard of" he has so much character growth, fun stories, and an amazing supporting cast! The numbers can be weird if you're read it on a certain pirating website so start with 1 through 6 then go to 0 back to 7 through 10 then issue one million then back to 11

Justice League Generation Lost—this is basically the new JLI but with Jaime Reyes as the Blue Beetle because Ted is gone. It's a very fun dynamic with this new old team and it works so so well especially Booster and Jaime's friendship. This one I do recommend reading with the Booster Gold solo so after issue 32 of Booster Gold, start Generation Lost and basically switch back and further every issue

Please Read Them For Me

Extreme Justice— this is an aggressively 90s run and is largely ignored by the comic community and canon BUT I SWEAR IT'S GOOD! Booster is essentially in an iron lung and he is not handling it well. Booster got flattened by JLI quite a bit and I really do think this run added some depth back to him

Time Masters 1990—Booster is barely in this, but trust me Rip Hunter is important and it's a very fun and interesting time travel adventure with a really cool group of characters

Time Masters: Vanishing Point—No connection to Time Masters 90 except that Rip is here. But Booster has a lot of really good moments in this. Ignore the Batman bits this is truly just a story about Rip and Booster

Origin Story revisited

(Both BG 86 and BG 07 establish and revisit the origin story so you'll get to them as you're reading)

Secret Origins 1986 #35—honestly a pretty standard origin story but I really like how this story highlights Booster's relationship to his mom and sister

Justice League Quarterly #10—I hope you're reading the quarterly and annual issues when reading JLI because they are some of the best stories but this one in particular is just beautiful

Action Comics 2016 #993-998 (Booster Shot)— Really this is more of a funny action packed and surprisingly heartfelt team-up time travel adventure with Superman and Booster, but this does provide additional context to Booster's origin story and I like it a lot. This story is really really so good

Just Plain Fun

Martian Manhunter #24— Booster and Ted steal all of J'onn's. oreos. this is an incredibly iconic issue, it's hilarious and just the kinda hijinks you want from the boys

Blue and Gold— I personally think this run is deeply out of character and a little too "lol memes" for me, but it does have some good like Trixie coming back and seeing Ted and Booster together again

Blue Beetle 2023—issue 7 is the main Booster story but he has other appearances in this run read the whole thing it's short and so good actually just read every blue beetle solo. It's a really visually beautiful time travel story and I love Booster and Jaime being friends even now that Ted is back

Batman Brave and the Bold #13-15— it's a fun time shenanigans story with the Jurassic Justice League what's not to love

DC's 'Twas the 'Mite Before Christmas— a cute christmas story with Booster and Rip and what I cling to in hopes that Rip will return to DC comics soone

Harley Quinn 2016 #70-74— this is a controversial take but I like Booster and Harley together, as a temporary couple at least and definitely as friends and partners in being silly. This story gives Booster an unexpected amount of emotional intelligence and it's nice

[pluckyredhead]

I've been meaning to ask for a while, since you've read so much more Supers books than me, but what are your thoughts on Kon being retconned as Clark and Lex's lab grown love child? Asides from that one mind-controlled-into-shaving-his-head incident, did that ever factor into anything again? Is it even still canon? If it were up to you would you keep it and try to do something interesting with it or just sweep it under the rug and pretend it was never true?

I think it would be a great retcon if they ever did anything with it aside from one (1) incredibly stupid story.

Because the thing is, originally Kon's human donor was Paul Westfield, and genuinely, who the fuck cares about Paul Westfield? He was only relevant for, like, a year. He's a footnote at best.

But Lex? There's so much potential there:

How does Clark feel about it? Does he trust Kon less? Does he feel guilty about that? Does he defend him to people (Batman) who would question him?

What are Lex's plans? You can't tell me he would sic Kon on other heroes once and give up. Lex always plays the long game. He has to have other Machiavellian schemes. What if Kon gets the clone plague again and Lex has the cure? What if he built in a vulnerability other than kryptonite? Most interestingly, what if Lex cares?

And of course, most importantly, how does Kon feel about it? We've seen him ignoring it and then moping about it. And I think it was his Adventure Comics run where we saw him tracking his own behavior to see if he was more like Superman or Lex. But what if a story really interrogated the fact that Kon is a very different person than Clark? (Especially in light of Jon, Clark's mini-me.) Kon likes money; Lex is a billionaire. Kon loves attention; Lex is functionally a supervillain because he's jealous that people like Superman more. Kon is a sweet boy but he's not a shining paragon of virtue. Is that because of Lex's genes? Is everything good about Kon simply Superman's genes? Is Kon is own person with free will that exists beyond picking a donor to emulate? Is a clone a person at all? Let's get into it, DC!

If it was up to me, I would write two stories about it:

First is the story where Kon and Lex actually develop a relationship. Kon and Clark has never been close, and Kon has rarely had a stable home or consistent parental figures (Rex was untrustworthy, Dubbilex got written out a lot, Guardian died and came back as a child, Pa died, Ma lived but Kon died and then got retconned into another dimension...). Kon is primed to fall for lovebombing, especially if Lex is doing one of his regular "no, really, I'm Redemption Arc-ing for real this time!" routines. Especially right now with a trillion Supers Clark likes better hanging around Metropolis, and Lex swearing he's going to be Good...what if he stopped trying to convince Clark, and started trying to convince Kon? What if he spent time with him, and listened to him, and took his side against Clark, and let's be real, probably spent money like water on him? And what if Lex, despite himself, discovered that...he actually cared about his clone son?

Of course, Lex's self-interest would eventually win out. We see this over and over again, where he sacrifices his relationships on the altar of his ambition, where he just can't quite love anyone else as much as he loves being evil. And yes, Kon ends the story hurt, but also with another reminder that validation needs to come from within and not from a billionaire who wants something from you, even if he is your other dad.

(And maybe Clark is reminded that he has failed Kon. Again. Ahem.)

The second story I would write is the one where Lex goes to jail and Kon somehow inherits Lexcorp and many billions of dollars and is cartoonishly irresponsible with all of it. Lex gets out of jail and there's a giraffe in his office and all of his doomsday devices are full of Zesti Cola.

But yeah, instead DC does nothing with it. Literally a few months ago they had Clark and Kon and Lex all having a conversation about a villain Lex created and gave TTK to - so like, talking explicitly about how Lex created Kon, too - and aside from Kon being mildly snide, that was it. That was it! DC WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. WHAT IS THE POINT OF SETTING UP SOMETHING SO JUICY AND THEN LEAVING THAT JUICE UNSQUOZE.

[lucdoodle]

1, 2, 4, 7, 12, 23 foe Adam!

1. Why do you like or dislike this character? Oh man! Where to begin!! I like his personality, design, concept, and the implications of what his story was/is off-screen and how it plays with the relationship he has with other characters that know him for a long time (read here: Lucifer, Lilith, Eve, Lute, Sera, and older angel in general.) As well as the implications of how his life in Heaven is like and how other angels sees him. All the implications who derives from the mere concept of his character are- !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a lot of fun to think about!!

2. Favorite canon thing about this character? 1- His relationship with Lute! 2- How he's genuinely an asshole lol (im very much not in the "adam did nothing wrong" group.) This dude is an apathetic asshole and an incredibly interesting character!

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? Oh boi, a series of shorts like the "Helluva shorts", except that they'd be about Adam's life in Heaven pre-canon!

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? Exploring the implications!!! Taking the crumbs of informations we know about him and making whole cakes with it!! Also im a big fan of any fanfics that explores (even if briefly!) the relationship between Adam and Sera (in a platonic way, i mean.) I particularly love both the interpretations of 1- Sera thinking about the lost potential, and how Adam evolved and changed, did he changed or was he always like that? Was it the apple and thus Lucifer's fault? Or was he always like that? Since we know Sera was in heaven before Adam died, do you think she's the one that taught him how to fly? Do you think she's the one that taught him how to live in Heaven? Do you think she's the one that was put in charge of taking care of the first human soul? And what does Sera means to Adam? (stuff like that!) And interpretation 2- Sera thinking smt like "Oh not this guy again..." as Adam kicks the doors opens with a loud "WASSUP BITCHES, Adam the man himself is here!! NOW we can start the meeting or whatever" like a "that one coworker you hate" relationship XD Both are good XD auihznkjiuhgernikjulko

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? OHOHOH!!! Lemme pull out my list! * a comically long - seemingly endless scroll proceed to fall on the ground and gets all over the place * (Erm, but huh, more seriously i actually have a list of my headcanons for Adam so, uh, ANYWAY, here!) XD 1- his favorite food (that is not meat) is apple pie! (and he hates that it's apple pie of all things, so he doesn't eat it often at all) 2- he considers Lute "one of the boys" 3- Adam and Lute have movie nights 4- when he's in a really weird mood/feeling weird he eats apples 5- adam and lucifer were friends back in Eden 6- he's very unconfortable showing skin (which is why he wears a mask and clothes that don't show any skin) 7- his mask was originally a gift from Sera as she notived Adam didn't like being the only human in heaven in the early days where there was nothing else but angels up there 8- lucifer taught adam swear words, and told him to blame michael if Sera asked who taught him. Lucifer did it because he wanted to see the look on sera's face as he thought it'd be a funny prank 9- adam feels most comfortable sleeping on sand and dust and such since he was created from The Dust 10- emily genuinely thinks adam's mask is his face, this is a extremely popular misconception among angels 11- extremely few persons have seen adam without his mask 12- it took adam A LOT of time before he managed to eat another apple after what happened in Eden 13- he has an extremely good memory, but he only use it for things he likes or that involve him directly 14- he hates being alone 15- he adored being with and hanging out with Lucifer back in Eden, they were good friends and Lucifer taught Adam about a lot of things 16- lucifer taught adam what music was 17- adam is a very "monkey see monkey do" kind of person 18- when confused he makes a head tilt like animals do when they're confused, and he picked the way he hold his wings from watching birds 19- sera is the one that was put in charge of kicking adam and eve out of eden 20- sera will never forget the cries and begs from them and it still haunts her, meanwhile adam completely forgot that it was Sera that kicked him out of Eden

23. Favorite picture of this character? This one! simply because it shows how utterly TOL Adam is XD

But also this whole bit! For a character so self-centred, it was so cool to see him taking a support role!

[raccoonfallsharder]

Hi there! This is probably such a silly question, so I'm sorry in advance, but in your fics, how long is a "cycle"?

I've gathered that a rotation is the equivalent of about a day (I think? lol) . Is a cycle the intergalactic equivalent of like a week or maybe a month in your fics? I originally thought a year, but in WAtG its stated that Jo "crosses paths with the Yondu Clan once every fifteen cycles or so." So a year seems like the wrong assumption on my part haha

Thank you ♡

hey honeycomb! these are SUCH FUN questions because i am such an UNHINGED NERD, especially about time and trying to make things make sense in space lol (also omg please never apologize for asking questions?? ever?? you’re a delight. curiosity is beautiful and giving other people a chance to explain their thoughts/loves/interests is a gift you give whenever you ask)

so first of all it’s worth noting that i’m pretty sure in at least one of the games, it’s the opposite — a cycle is like a day, i think? and a rotation is a week or a month? (i used to know this with more certainty because last year, i had researched obsessively to find out if there was a singular canonical way of measuring the passage of time in marvel-outer-space. fyi the short answer is no). worth noting: this is how i thought of time when i was writing ᯓ⋆｡°✩practice because that takes place in the eidos universe but i deliberately didn't dwell on it too long so people could interpret the length of time however they wanted.

now, my understanding is that in the mcu, this is inverted. i had read that the mcu GOTG writers think of a rotation as being about a day and a cycle being about a week, so that is what i use in almost all of my other fics (especially the longer ones). sometimes in oneshots i default to day and week just for ease of understanding, especially for readers who may just stumble upon the story without having gotten used to my quirks.

now that’s the short answer and you can feel free to bail if you don’t want to read about the stupid amount of time i put into thinking about this lol. i swear I won’t hold it against you. for fucks sake SAVE YOURSELF

tsk. should've run.

as mentioned, i use “rotation” to indicate about a day, and “cycle” to indicate about a week. i also use “multicalendar circumrotations” or “circs” for a year-ish which is halfway made-up (the gotg holiday special mentions the multicalendar and i was like “i need a word that isn’t rotation or cycle or revolution to go with this” lol).

i also broke rotations into three shifts. for my purposes there are usually two wake shifts and one sleep shift per rotation, but i imagine some lifeforms require different amounts of rest and wakefulness - so while the start and end of shifts are standardized, how they are designated really varies by crew.

i think this was about all i had figured out when i was writing Window *:･ﾟ✧* - I think I had maybe approximated a cycle at around 8-9 days and a circ at about a year and a half. but when i started writing cicatrix.⋆☁︎:･꧂ i was referencing longer lengths of time a lot more often (and needed at least a mental guide for things like decades and ccertain chunks of years), so i expanded on my time measurements a lot more thoroughly (see below).

i don’t have anything equivalent to months but at some point i was like “i need to indicate something more than a handful of cycles and less than a circ” and so i added quarter-circs to my lexicon ‘cause months didn’t make sense in the context of a sort of “intergalactic standard” of time measurement.

there was a time when i thought about breaking down hours and minutes and shit too but then i was honestly like “dae that’s fucking bonkers. stop girl” so i decided that most universal translators are capable of doing the basic math required to calculate smaller units of time across languages lol.

a rare glimpse of dae notes/references from the top of my cicatrix notes document:

rotation: 30 hours (10/10/10 shifts) cycle: 10 rotations (300 hours) (1.79 weeks) quarter: 10 cycles circumrotation: 40 cycles (71.6 weeks) (1.38 years) 10 years = 7.26 circumrotations 4.13 years = 3 circs

anyway that's it i think, that's everything, it's ridiculous and i'm ridiculous and also thanks for giving me the opportunity to be a total loser about this. i am very cool and normal

i truly do appreciate the question honestly. may your day be full of morning glories and your night be full of good movies and tasty popcorn

[honestmagpie]

SOME MORE RAZ THOUGHTS. (Based on my headcanons so don't @ me about things not being confirmed in canon, this is partially about him as an adult anyway so nyeh)

Raz is a perpetual immigrant.

Like, this boy never had a passport, he probably never even had a birth certificate. He's a kid born to a family of "Circus freaks" (a phrase thrown at them that they've adopted with pride, if only to keep the kids from letting it get them down).

Raz's Campster profile set his origin as Lithuania, which was likely just 'where he was born', probably not terribly far from what's left of Grulovia. (I headcanon that Grulovia is little more than a puddle now, but what remained of the land was absorbed by neighboring countries).

Grulovian immigrants scattered after Vallermo, and no-one really wanted to talk about it. It's 'the old country' and 'the dead country'.

After Psychonauts 2, Raz ESPECIALLY doesn't want to talk about it. Not only was his family refugees from Grulovia-- his Nona was the cause of it. (And sure, she's his great-aunt, not actually his grandmother, but that won't make him stop calling her his Nona. Nothing has changed, except that thinking about the home country hurts a little, now. For different reasons.)

Raz was always a wanderer. It comes with the circus background. He travels light, carries just the essentials. A house isn't a home, but it is a place to put stuff for storage, he supposes.

He's spoken English most of his life. Nobody notices the accent unless he's talking about his Nona winning at Gruloky, or how she makes a true Grulovian Herring Bread better than anyone he's ever seen. (nobody he talks to has heard of that, but he swears it's traditional.)

But every now and then, when he goes on missions, his partners hear interesting things.

A language that Lithuanians think is Latvian, Lavtians think is Lithuanian. Raz always claims to be from one or the other when identified as non-American. Otherwise, as far as they're concerned, Raz is just a local from a little hamlet they haven't heard of.

He speaks German in the office with Sasha and Otto. On one memorable occasion he spoke fluent Russian for a mission, and shrugged it off saying it was 'safest that way'. He claimed to be second-generation Russian with family from a nearby country, because he could tell they saw 'foreigner' but wanted to make sure he wasn't seen as 'too foreign'.

He knows a smattering of a bunch of other slavic languages, using several at a time for one sentence, simply because he learned the words but didn't stay in any one place long enough for a whole language to stick, so they got jumbled together.

"How did your Dialect get so strange?"

He spins tall tales that have nothing to do with the truth, of a parent who had a dozen mistresses or a funny anecdote about a language guidebook that had multiple languages without saying which translations went to which language. Anything but the truth.

It's not that he's ashamed of his family, far from it! He loves them, he's proud of them.

But there's nothing quite like admitting to someone that your Nona is a war criminal, or that you come from a family of 'circus freaks' and traveled a lot. He's seen how people treat immigrants. As far as they're concerned, he's a tourist. He's a local. He's from the neighboring region visiting family. he's second-generation.

But when he's at home, in the circus or in Psychonauts HQ, he's Raz. He doesn't have to figure out what accent to put on, or what he has to say to stay safe. He's just a kid (A twenty-something, but a kid nonetheless).

At least the Psychonauts gave him a passport.

[lukkabloom]

Fun facts abt residents according to Ikevamp Radio (ヴァンなま) Part 2

Continuing with the Ikevamp radio findings (& some stuff w/the VAs) I have episodes 4-7 this time!!! (also pls take this with a grain of salt bc idk how much of this is canon according to Cybird)

Episode 4: It’s just Vincent and Sebas’s VAs!!

Morishi emphasizes that he’s a special guest, not a permanent part of the show, Makki says that there should prob be only one MC. They settle on Morishi being a guest-regular

ANYWAYS ONTO THE BATH SEGMENT

Vincent’s learning to sing the song Sebas taught Leo in episode 1 & 3 (for anyone curious, the original song is called Ii yu dana [いい湯だな] by the Drifters [ザドリフターズ] and it was a song the group sung at the end of their TV show/stage from the 70s–late 90s. Sebas knowing that song would mean he was alive during this time period)

Sebas hears him hum, Vincent is embarrassed, telling him to forget he ever saw him singing

During the day, Vincent saw Sebas cutting and sorting the gardens, to which Sebas references Nippon Mukashi Banashi (Folktales of Japan) where so many Japanese folktales start with a character cutting grass/weeds

Vincent recalls that Theo called MC “hondje” and “dog”, worries that she might be offended at those names

Sebas reassures him that MC has a strong spirit, and shouldn’t worry abt her much

Sebas comments that while Vincent and Theo are siblings, they have completely different personalities

Vincent answers that many people have stated this, wonders what he has to do to make others believe that they are brothers

Sebas has Vincent do impressions of Theo, starting w/Vincent calling Sebas “hondje” but Vincent just calls him “wanchan” (doggy/puppy) instead

Sebas makes a weird/loud noise, saying that that’s just an angel playing with a puppy (the part where Sebas loses his sanity. Actually he’s losing more of it as the episodes continue)

Vincent relents, quietly mumbling “hey, hondje” to Sebas

Sebas says he’s so close, just needs to be a bit more intimidating

Vincent repeats “hey, hondje” with more determination, Sebas replies “I have received Master Vincent’s ‘hey hondje!!!!’” (Sebas is crazy I swear)

Sebas pressures Vincent to say “I will make you my dog,” like Theo, to which Vincent questions if Theo has ever said that

Sebas quickly answers yes, forcing Vincent to say the phrase but worded more respectfully “I will make you my dog, okay?” (peer pressure is never okay, ESPECIALLY concerning Vincent)

Sebas is satisfied with the result, saying that the two brothers are really related

(I LEGIT DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WITH THIS EPISODE)

Sebas confesses that he just wants to see Vincent as a sadist and Vincent just sweat-drops

In this episode’s “Can you tell me… your name?” segment… (aka my fav part of the livestream—lol it’s not even the skit in the thermae) 

Sebas’s chosen line was “I’ve boiled the pumpkin” (this was done during Halloween, that’s what’s with the pumpkin). There were a lot of food-related names, so Sebas would say “Cucumber, I’ve boiled the pumpkin” or “Miso soup, I’ve boiled the pumpkin” and many others (mushroom, pig, tomato, sweet potato, radish, shiitake, hanpen)

There was also one in which Morishi said “Aramaki, I’ve boiled the pumpkin” to which Makki replied “thank you,” and another with “Vincent, I’ve boiled the pumpkin”

Episode 5: feat. Theo’s VA Sato Hisanori & Earl Rose (ローズ伯爵)

First episode where there is video in the livestream (it was previously just audio)

(I love watching VAs play their roles so this episode is prob one of my favs)

Sato realizes what kind of crazy show this is when he has to say “konvampire” instead of “konbanwa” (good evening) as a greeting. I feel like every guest other than Tsuda has said this (at least implied) but Sato just straight up says this

Sato calls Makki “nii-san” (big brother) when they first greet each other, referencing their roles as Vincent and Theo (also, fun fact, the two VAs are born in the same month of the same year)

Sato asks the viewers who they like the most out of Vincent, Theo, and Sebas. The viewers overwhelm them with calls of “Vincent!!!”

Sato asks for them to stop, changing questions, asking the viewers who wears the best clothes out of three (Makki, Morishi, and Sato). The viewers still say Makki, though there are some saying Sato

Earl Rose is a guest for this episode. He is the lord (read: owner) of the vampire cafe in Ginza. (he’s basically here to promote the ikevamp collab w/his Vampire Cafe) Sato looks freaked out/uncomfortable by the earl. The three eat the collab foods and drinks provided (it looks pretty good tbh)

NOW ONTO THE “I LOVE YU” SEGMENT

Vincent sinks down to his shoulders in the waters, Theo can’t find him for a bit

Theo and Vincent enjoy spending time w/each other

Sebas can hold his breath underwater (in a hot bath) for 5 min. He did so to not interrupt the two brothers’ conversation (Sebas becoming more and more ooc)

Vincent stated that his previous record was 3 min 46 sec. Sebas said that “as a butler of this mansion, I shall keep on improving” (Theo doesn’t know what the heck is happening, but Vincent seems to be enjoying himself so he let’s go)

Vincent & Theo have never fought (as expected of such bros. Now that I’m rereading this I’m sure this is reinforced in various routes so maybe I don’t need this info)

Sebas (who tries to create some tea---figuratively) asks Vincent what he would do if his pancakes were covered by tons of syrup by Theo, to which Vincent replies “I will give those pancakes to Theo.”

Sebas switches over to Theo, asking him what he will do if Vincent steals his syrup before he can eat the pancakes. Theo answers “Easy. I’ll give the pancakes to my brother. It would mean that he wanted to eat pancakes so badly that he would steal the syrup”

There’s around 2-3 times where Theo almost gets angry at Sebas and Vincent has to stop him (pats his head and stuff)

Theo asks why Sebas is acting weird, to which Vincent believes its bc he’s working too hard, so they should help him out & fulfill his hopes/wishes

Sebas has a voice recorder??? Theo doesn’t know what it is

Theo doesn’t approve being recorded, but Sebas goes to Vincent for protection, who calms Theo

OK I don't talk about this segment much but for the first time since the episodes’ release, there was a tie in the votes in the drawing segment (van Gogh’s drawing section) between Morishi and Makki. Usually, they’ll give the best voted piece to a randomly selected winner w/the VA’s signature, but instead of giving out both pictures, they gave out Makki’s art piece (bc he’s van Gogh lol)

(they didn’t do the “Can you tell me…your name?” segment this episode, but this episode is legendary in my mind!!! So funny and entertaining)

Episode 6: No special guests!! Just Sebas and Vincent

Makki finally lets the viewers choose the official position of Morishi (guest, regular-guest, regular, or dyungyun). He’s officially the dyungyun (でゅんぎゅん) It’s an exclamatory phrase meaning exciting/heart-beating I think… I’ve been watching 6 episodes of the radio but I still don’t know what that phrase means exactly

Welcome to another episode of Sebas slowly losing his sanity! In today’s “I love yu” segment, Sebas makes his appearance by jumping into the baths!!!

Apparently Sebas has an urge to swim when he sees the large baths, and even is a first-class swimmer (スイミング一級) I think it’s a scale on how great he is at swimming, and it would mean he’s pretty good

Vincent has also seen him swim butterfly (idk if it's in the baths or in a pool but imagining Sebas swimming butterfly in the hot baths is amusing)

Vincent likes eating the motsunabe (もつ鍋), a type of hotpot that Sebas made

As an adult, Vincent spends his Christmas season painting, but as a child, he would spend time w/Theo baking cakes, decorating trees, or playing in the snow

One time, Theo cried when a snowball hit him in the face

The two decide to do yaminabe (闇鍋) w/the residents. It is when you darken the room, and anyone can put anything in the hot pot. Vincent’s curious what the others will decide to put in the hot pot.

They created a new segment in the show called “Vanmana Involuntary Awards 2017” (ヴァンなま勝手にアワード) where they review the year 2017 with things related to Ikevamp and the radio. The first award is the most popular phrase which ended up being voted as “dyungyun”. The second is deciding on the best artwork produced in the “van Gogh’s drawing section” with the winning piece being a drawing by Makki titled “A woman being kabedon’d by an Ikemen in a dark room” (yes that’s the title). The third is voting on what the viewers want ikevamp to do in the future (ex. Voice drama CDs, more livestreams, raiding Ikesen, etc.) with the winning choice being to raid Ikesen. And in turn, it is implied that Ikesen would raid Ikevamp. The last is asking the viewers if there has been any change (physically, mentally, emotionally) ever since they started watching the radio, with the most votes on the viewers being more interested in Morishin and Makki.

AND of course, my fav segment “Can you tell me… your name?” Vincent’s chosen line was very nice “Christmas? I don’t need anything. All I want is (y/n) alone.” 

BUT Sebas’s chosen line is (drumroll please…) “(y/n), did you write your New Year’s greeting card?” and the first name he called out was “Santa-san, did you write your New Year’s greeting card?” AND I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

Other names used were reindeer, postbox, and dyungyun (most were legit names tho)

They also did a third phrase where after saying (y/n), Sebas and Vincent will say a line, and I guess the staff felt bad for Sebas or smth bc he has legit lines in all of the available options. It was decided that Vincent would say “(y/n), I love you,” (大好きだよ) and Sebas would say “I love you” (愛していますよ) after Vincent (Both mean the same thing, just worded differently. Vincent's "Daisukidayo" would prob be closer to "I like you" meanwhile Sebas's "Aishitemasuyo" would be "I love you" if I were to be very specific)

I thought people would submit serious names (many did) but there were names like ice, carbonara, butter, napolitan (many varieties of pasta). There was also Rose and the two VAs were like “Earl Rose??? You watch this???"

Episode 7: feat. Comte’s VA Horie Kazuma

OMG Comte’s VA has such a sexy cool voice I can’t

So I didn’t know this, but you can talk to Vincent on Amazon Alexa?? I don’t have one so idk if it still works but apparently it’s called “Vincent’s time” (フィンセントの時間) and Vincent can tell you the time of day and you can talk to him and stuff??

Video showing Vincent's Time here part 1 part 2 part 3

It’s so funny how similar Horie is to Comte bc Makki and Morishin will be loud and talkative while Horie just watches over the scene like a parent

ANYWAYS for the thermae skit…

It’s rare for the others to meet Comte in the thermae since Comte baths at a later time than the others

The topic of today’s thermae episode is mainly about the construction they have in the baths (prob in another part of it??) Sebas came back running after looking at it, Comte and Sebas told Vincent not to worry about it (WHAT IS HAPPENING OVER THERE??? we'll never know...)

Vincent wants to paint scenes he’s never seen so he’d like to go out to various places

After living for so long, Comte said he’s starting to lose the concept on the importance of New Year’s and New Year’s resolutions (this episode was broadcast on Jan of 2018)

Vincent says that Comte’s like a father, to which he replies, “Haha, I’m not like a father. When you call me something as young as a ‘father,’ it makes me feel embarrassed. I’m probably way older than you two think I am”

Sebas replies, “Oh, of course. None of us know how old Comte actually is”

Comte continues, “It’s rude to ask a vampire their age. Besides, men like to keep their secrets hidden.” To which Sebas is like “As expected of le Comte. That is admirable.”

According to Sebas, Jean has a breast fetish?? Sebas apparently knows nothing else abt Jean other than that single fact

So… the “Can you tell me… your name?” is *chef’s kiss* amazing as usual

Comte’s line was “(y/n), I won’t let you go” and for one of the names, he said “Aramaki, I won’t let you go” & you can tell the staff were laughing. 

So Sebas… his chosen line was “(y/n), isn’t this bed a bit hard?”

There was “Comte, isn’t this bed a bit hard?” and Horie replies “No,” in his Comte voice & it’s amazing. There’s also “Aramaki, isn’t this bed a bit hard?” and Makki replies “Yup.”

Other notable names include bed, obachan (Auntie), Morishima (yes the VA’s asking himself) and employee (店員さん)

Also Morishi does voice-percussion at the end of the stream and… I’ll just say it’s interesting :))

(Also the updates will prob be daily since I've watched & have the next couple parts written already. I just have to watch the last couple & write about it, which should be done soon)

[villruu]

Really nice guy who hates only you Alex x Brian?

Anon, anon... Listen, um. Well, this originally had more of a comedic vibe with timetravel splashed in, but then "the red means I love you" snuck up on me and suddenly this happend. I, um. Well.

Enjoy timetravel doomed brilex??

On AO3

This contains canon-typical violence :)

⸻

Alex woke up slowly, woozy and trembling.

His whole body felt off-putting, numb and cold and not entirely his own. It was dark and humid, damp in the way cement only knew how to be, the slight scent of mold typical of abandoned buildings that Alex had come to learn intimately as he searched locations for his film.

Where… where was he?

Last he remembered he had gone to sleep. And, it had been a good dream. There hadn’t been any weird creature in the distance, he hadn’t felt angry, everyone was working together and, and it was just him and his friends having a good time. Brian had been there too, joking, close to him in a way he hasn’t been since he had fallen sick a few weeks ago.

Alex tried to move, but his body felt too slow, muscles barely twitching even as Alex forced himself as much as he could.

It was cold. Too cold.

Was it still night? Where was he? 

He had his pajamas on, though no socks. He didn’t have his glasses on either. When Alex tried again to move, he found something digging painfully into his wrists. Plastic and hard, almost threatening to cut into his skin with each slight movement.

Where the fuck was he?

Steps. The crushing of glass beneath shoes. The swish of clothes moving.

“Hello?” Alex called, voice thin and fearful, “Who’s there?”

Silence.

“Hello?” He repeated, “I… I need help.”

Silence again.

The darkness was absolute. Was even someone there, or was Alex imagining it? 

Alex trembled.

Steps again, closer and closer until Alex could swear he could feel the warm emanating from another living being. Fear sprang to life inside him as a sudden light turned on, the flash blinding him momentarily, leaving him reeling with a pained yelp.

With watering eyes, Alex slowly adjusted to the harsh white light shining on his face. A figure stood in front of him, obscured in the shadows produced by the strong light. It was a flashlight, Alex noticed distantly somewhere in his panic, a big and clunky one, the kind that hikers like to get.

All Alex could see were the dirty black gloves of the figure, covered in dust and some liquid that looked almost black in the light that reflected on the flashlight.

“Who… Who are you?” Alex rasps, voice gaining confidence the longer he goes on, “Did… Did you take me? Where am I? What is this place? What did you do to me—”

Alex’s is abruptly cut off as something whacks him across the face. He groans, wishing he had his hands free to rub at his face. Something wet dripped from his nose, probably blood since Alex doubted it hadn’t been broken, a deep ache coming from his cheek where he had been struck first.

The flashlight looked scuffed on the edges, now.

He has a million questions to ask, a thousand words to say, but he keeps quiet, now weary, like a dog who suddenly learned its owner is also capable of kicking it and not only petting it.

Why is he here? Why him, why out of anyone, him?

The figure doesn’t move. Alex doubts they are even breathing, so still and silent as they are now. Alex watches in silence as they take something from their pocket, probably, the sound of an object dragging across, the shift of clothes. 

A glint of silver. A metal barrel.

A gun, in front of his face.

Alex stays still, frozen, watching the weapon with wide eyes.

“Are….You…” Alex whispers as the gun gets closer to his face, the hand holding it as steady as a mountain.

His dad taught him how to fire a gun, before coming to college. They had spent an entire day practicing with cans and glass bottles near his grandpa’s, in an empty lot close to the forest. His dad had proclaimed that in a state like Alabama, it was best he knew how to defend himself, and had even given him a gun, which Alex kept locked up and hidden deep beneath mountains of trash in the small shed of the house. 

Alex had never gotten over the shakiness of holding onto a real gun.

He wondered how this figure managed to do so.

He can see the edges of the sleeve now, a faded orange, dirty and scuffed. 

The silence stretches between them, like an eternal graveyard.

“This is for the best,” The figure tells him. The voice is familiar, extremely so, but Alex first processes the movement of the gun.

In a fit of desperation, Alex throws his head forward, the metal of the gun colliding painfully with his temples. There’s the sound of metal falling onto the floor, but any relief is short-lived, as the flashlight is brought down on his face again. He struggles, as the flashlight falls to the ground and rolls a few feet away.

He can see the figure more clearly, a dirty faded hoodie, some dirty jeans, scuffed shoes. They lean down, grabbing their gun, and all the fighting abruptly leaves Alex’s body as the figure stands up and the light is finally shining on their face.

Hazel eyes, deep bags, pale face, brown hair. It’s a familiar face. It’s a face that Alex has seen for almost 5 years, it’s a face Alex trusts, it’s the face of his friend.

It 's Brian.

(It’s Brian, Brian his best friend, Brian who he knows from highschool, Brian who he spent countless nights studying with for midterms, Brian who was with him when he adopted Rocky, Brian who joined his film when nobody else would, Brian who found other actors for him.

Brian who everyone loves. Brian who’s the social butterfly of their college. Brian, who Alex trusts with his life. Brian, who has a million friends and yet always makes time for him. Brian, who makes Alex feel like he is seeing the world again. Brian, who Alex can't never stop admiring. Brian, who he loves.

Brian, who is pointing a gun at him. 

Brian, who is probably the one who dragged him here. 

Brian, who he thought was his friend.)

“...Brian?” Alex yet still dares to say, as if hoping saying the name of the other would stop this nightmare, would make the scowling person in front of him transform back into his friend.

Brian stares at him and looks briefly at the flashlight, before simply moving until they’re staring at each other. Alex stares into the sunken gaze of his friend, and wonders what happened. 

“Brian…?” He repeats.

All he gets is a kick to the side, leaving him dropped on his side, curled up like a dying larvae, wheezing.

Brian steps closer. He is standing right above him, gun steady as it points directly at Alex’s head. His eyes are hard and dark.

“Brian,” Alex breathes out, breathing noisily in and out to try and ignore the pain radiating from their side, “Brian, I don’t understand…”

“You know,” Brian says absently, voice light, “It’s a good thing I got dropped back now rather than later.”

Brian smiles. It is not a nice smile.

“After all, who would believe that sweet, naive Brian would ever do anything to hurt his friend? Everyone knows he would die for them,” He gives a bitter laugh, and Alex swears that in the dim lightning his eyes shine almost red, “No, people will just assume whatever else. And after I take care of a few more things, that thing will never hurt another, and neither will you.”

“...You see it too?” Alex said, confused and hurt and unsure, “That, that guy, the one in the—”

“Shut up,” Brian spits, after he kicks him again, “I don’t need it coming to look into what’s happening now.”

Brian gives a brief look around, and Alex shudders, staring at the tall figure in the back, but Brian doesn’t see it, or if he sees it, he doesn’t react.

“I don’t understand…” Alex repeats, voice thin and unsure, “Brian you, you know how to stop this? how to, how do I stop seeing it—?”

Another kick.

“I said, Shut. Up.” Brian snarls, voice dripping hatred in a way Alex had never thought possible, “You don’t deserve help, Kralie. You, you fucked everything up before… If it weren’t for you…”

Brian shakes his head.

“It doesn’t matter,” He says, “With you gone, the group will not stay together. Tim will clearly not keep contact except with me, maybe, and will not spread it anymore. I’ll have to make sure Jay keeps his distance, permanently if necessary, but, right now, the only thing I need to do is get rid of you.”

The gun clicks, safety finally off.

Alex whimpers, static building up in the back of his head as he stares up at the barrel of the gun.

“Goodbye, Kralie.”

The static builds up into a screech, a high pitched screaming that builds up and up and up, and Alex Kralie knows no more.

[one-squash-one-end]

once again rambling about Adam Parrish

Hi! This still belongs to my big Raven Cycle analysis, click here for the masterpost.

For most of the characters I obviously read a lot into subtext and speculate about how they're absolutely not straight, but lucky for us, we do get canon queer characters!

So let this be me talking about Adam as bi representation and also throwing in (other people's) gender headcanons. As always, please tell me your thoughts in the notes <3

c) Adam Parrish

Sadly, I cannot speculate too much about Adam’s sexuality, as he is canonically the mean, witchy (and bitchy) bisexual.

There isn’t much I can say, really. Throughout the book series he displays interest in both Blue and Ronan. And also Greenmantle, but I would like all of us to ignore that because I want to believe Adam has good taste. Blue and Ronan as his love interests are essentially seen as equal. While I would say he had already had some repressed attraction for Ronan (see: him calling the swearing melodic, black-painted poetry- you normally wouldn’t feel like that for someone who just called you a motherfucker) in book one while dating Blue. Yet it becomes very much clear that he did have romantic feelings for Blue. Yes, the two of them were doomed from the start (but still pretty cute I’d say! Until things went to shit, that is), however, Blue is not treated by the narrative as some mistake before Adam figures out he’s actually gay (looking at you judgingly here, Rainbow Rowell). Neither was Ronan a quick, silly thing to see how it would feel to kiss the same gender. That is, like, very much very obvious, through the last five books. They are boyfriends, your honor.

At this point I would also like to give a shout-out to Adam Parrish and the Crying Club (which would make for a fire band name, just saying). This little group of queer people Adam collects at uni (in Call Down The Hawk) has my whole heart and I so wish we would have seen more of them, I am forever mourning their potential of silly, reoccurring side characters. What I’m trying to say though is this: The fact that Adam builds a group of queer people around himself (another one apart from the Gangsey) proves his sexuality even more, because we all know queer people flock towards each other.

Either way, canon bisexual, we love that. Moving on.

Honorary mention to the transmasc Adam headcanon that Tumblr user @barbaricpoetic compiles especially well in a post. I personally do not follow that headcanon, like of course I do not think Blue is supposed to be written as genderfluid in the books, but somehow I believe even less in trans Adam, but either way I do agree there is a lot of strong source material to support that headcanon. Check out the original post for a lot more detail, I don’t want to plagiarize all of that here either way, but here’s two especially solid hints: First of all, he does everything to appear more masculine, like working in typically male-dominated fields and dressing accordingly to that, while orientating his behavior on Ronan and Gansey, who, ironically, do not try as hard as him. Secondly, there’s physical descriptions, Adam being a lot more “elegant” and delicate than the other (Raven) boys Blue knows, with unusual features, and “blue eyes pretty enough for a girl”. Yeah, might be a coincidence, might be solid, queer truth.

This would all make so much sense, even within the books and all, there is just one, considerably big thing, that would not add up with this in canon. Adam’s rural-conservative shitbag of a father would never use the correct name and pronouns for his ftm child.

Either way, there might still be something fun going on with his gender that defies the binaries. Why do I think so? Well, Gansey says a very interesting thing. “Henry was a boy. Adam was a─ Gansey didn’t know.” I wish he would have told us what makes them different. What is it that Adam was? A man? A demiboy? A nonbinary person? A dinosaur in disguise? Please do enlighten us, Gansey. I’m assuming it’s got something to do with Adam being more mature than Henry (he definitely is), but like with Blue and the 300 Fox Way Women, it might be a gender thing, at least you can very easily lay it out to be that way.

To conclude as I will conclude every character part, I think Adam might possibly wear a crop top (might take him a while to accept masculinity is everything you want it to be and not just a certain aesthetic standard though), but absolutely not regularly and not around strangers or his parents.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

Spiderman Society and Manipulation Part 2

Horrible Copy Mechanism and the Responsibilities you put in your own shoulders

Part 1

Oh boy this is going to be interesting for sure.

While I was writing the first part I originally wasn't thinking of writing this section at the beginning, I thought considering the situation it was better to focus in how the lower rankings and people in need are put between a rock and a hard place, and in the cultish characteristics it has.

But then I realized is not just that is a horrible copy mechanism that they are more or less using as a crutch, it also involves why Miguel is convinced over this, and also the responsibility that still comes with it.

WARNING: The following chat will have talks about trauma, recovery, and accountability. It will also include mentions of real religious manipulation and cultish behaviours.

If you think any of this could be triggering, please consider skipping this one.

But before we address the sad reality that is enforcing canon by the eldest/higher up members of this society, let me address something that I didn't mention last time.

Part of the reason all of this is bad is because Canon is fake, this theory falls apart by the seams, and this makes the society more like a cult exactly for this reason!

Here is the long version of why I say this so firmly.

But because I don't want to sent people to do homework, here is the cliff notes version:

Canon Event ASM-90 cannot be happening at this moment, because Spot IS an anomaly. Also, Miguel said himself that canon event ASM-90 is when a captain dies in a battle between the spider-person and a nemesis, but Spot isn't Pavitr's nemesis, and Miguel himself said that Spot shouldn't had happened and is another anomaly like Miles, so why Captain Singh should had died at that moment?

The black matter that supposedly is happening because Miles broke canon? Was happening BEFORE we saw the captain. The alchemax building is breaking down, and has a dark matter absorbing it, which gets bigger and bigger as we see our heroes descend, and then in the same spot the building felt, now there is a black hole! Coincidence? Doubtful.

Miles's universe didn't fell because he became a spider-man, even if by being an "anomaly" you should expect to cause some sort of reaction, right? Further more, he blames Miles and Co for the hole in the multi-verse, but this is ignoring the fact the spot not only was the one to transport the spider, he has MULTIPLE of them. But Miles's universe has no reaction to any of this somehow? And the only issues it had was because of the collider messing up?

Look dear reader, I feel the fact that Pavitr's example doesn't fit the bill by Miguel's own words, and Miles's case in ITSV has jackshit to do with being anomaly; is safe to say this isn't about canon. Is about what is happening.

Because Miguel, Peter, Jess and the rest are so blinded by this idea of canon on Spider-man, they can't notice an incongruity as they are explaining it to you.

You guys know what this means? This means that instead of learning what is actually going on with Pavitr's universe (probably more related to physics than spider-man in itself.) They are wasting time and resources in preserving a mythos that so far feels more like trying to fit a pattern and mix destiny with physics somehow.

So the question is...how come is that they don't see it? Why they believe in this well?

WELL-

Here is the interesting part about the "Canon is part of every spider-man story,." While is a horrible thing to say to people just starting that need to deal with the fact that they will lose love ones and suffer great hardships because of their work, for those who are over? Oh this is great news.

(I swear while looking at this I had a flashback of "G-d's time is perfect" and "Everything happens for a reason," after having a personal hardship. Goddammit this really falls in the steps to a cult way too much.)

Okay but seriously, I saw a lot of people over the past few months complain about how the other spiders could let this happen, and this is so horrible how come Miles is being the only real spider-man here-

Is trauma, is all back to trauma.

Because okay, we don't know until which point the canon theory goes; I would say most spider-people are bit when they are teens or young adults (tho there are universes where Aunt May or Uncle Ben got bitten- yes as senior adults.) So I wouldn't be surprised if the "canon" events Miguel has mapped out has already happened to Peter, Jess and him, considering that at least Peter? Has been doing this for almost a quarter of a century; the others can't be too far apart for what I gather.

So while for someone like Gwen, Miles or Pavitr means "oh this is the list of horrible things you are going to suffer, sorry kid." For people like Peter, Miguel and Jess? Is probably more of a "oh those tragedies that you faced? They were part of the universe making sure it stays intact, is okay."

The sad reality, one of the most twisted things about this situation, is that the system uses the trauma of the eldest members to ensure they continue the cycle.

A funny thing about cults and many religions quite honestly, is that they have specific believes in place to ensure that people are not just indoctrinated, but are also incentivized to perpetuated the doctrine and make others do the same. Almost like evolution, the ideology behind became this way in order to ensure it is believed and doesn't die out like other beliefs.

I know I already put warnings previously, but now I want to bring a real life case because I think I need to hammer home how these beliefs can be so hard to shake off.

WARNING: Talks about Missionary Work, Murder, and passing mentions about colonialism.

The following discussion will involve the case around John Chau's missionary work and end, if you want to skip it, the discussing will begin and finish with the gif below.

So, in case you guys aren't familiar with this guy.

John Chau was a young man, he liked to go on adventures and was a passionate evangelical christian, who also liked to do Missionary Work. He went to a few different places, but the one were he died was in North Sentinel Island. He was killed by the native people there.

North Sentinel Island is among the last few places that has a group of people that are disconnected from the rest of the world. Every time someone tries to establish contact they killed, or at best, barely make it alive for what I recall. We don't know exactly know why since no one has been able to establish communications with them.

Now, I can't have this chat and not mention that is better to leave those people alone. They clearly prefer to continue with their traditional ways, and if you had seen some history you can probably tell even if they were interested, chances are this would end more poorly for them than anyone else.

Considering their reputation, that it is ILLEGAL to try to contact them for that exact reason (John Bribed two fisherman to leave him in the island, there is no way to get there without breaking the law.) You may be wondering, why he choose to go there?

Well, as mentioned before, missionary work; because he firmly believed this was "Satan's last stronghold" since no one was able to preach Christianity to them yet.

Okay, I know I am messing with the tiger here, and I don't want to insult anyone's faith; but I also have to be honest. I am Jewish, but I am a convert, my family is christian (I prefer not to say which branch but is probably obvious,) and while I will try to remain neutral let's say is hard when you are still processing stuff that happened to you.

I will say this, for all the people who called this man a "deluded idiot" when I remember this case, I feel two things, one of them is pity, and the other one is rage.

For starters, trying to force a religion into others is wrong in my eyes, (In Judaism is forbidden to proselytize, the traditional thing is actually deny converts until they ask for a third time.) It also forces an erasure of culture and colonialism, a lot of times trying to absorb past beliefs just to make the new believers happy, which muddies some stuff later on.

So, why I still feel bad for him?

Because he thought he was doing the right thing.

As someone who doesn't believe, in my eyes this is horrifying; but for him? He believes if he doesn't go to preach to this people, they may suffer in eternity for never hearing about Jesus. In his eyes, if he goes to them and convinces this group of worship his lord, he has now given eternal happiness and peace to this people; or the possibility to do so.

I feel bad, because this man was convinced to do something dangerous and bad, by thinking he was saving the lives of these people.

Sorry for the heavy topic, but I feel this was a good way to understand why the society does what it does. Because by bringing real life situations, I think is all the easier to understand how easy you can end up in these places.

Miguel theory doesn't just provide an explanation as to why the dimensions work the way they work, they also provide a nice explanation as to why they all had lived similar struggles, while they had suffered this much.

Is a balm to all those old wounds, because I am pretty sure Peter, nor the rest of the other adults that are "done" or mostly done with the canon events, or heck just suffered a few of them- still had their nightmares and hard times remembering all of the people they lost.

But if they learn about this after? Now they know it wasn't their fault, this was suppose to happen.

Remember what I said earlier? "G-d time is perfect"? That's something I heard growing up, from people who needed to hear that this has to have a purpose, serve a deeper meaning.

Otherwise, is just suffering.

However, can you see the parallels now? A belief that uses the pain and trauma of their members to make them believe, gives a "justifiable" and "noble" reason to continue pushing this narrative too (aka if we don't do it the universe collapses.) And just as well, is also fake, yet they are too blinded to notice, and they are now making people suffer for most probably not good reason while neglecting to learn what is actually going down.

Yeah, this really hammers more than anything the most cultish aspects of the Society. Because it is at is core.

Miguel's Biases

Now, I am convinced Miguel's canon theory is wrong, I know we can't know for sure what's going on until BTVS, but at this point I am rolling with that idea because too many things are adding up for me.

Yet despite how it becomes obvious in a way I consider embarrassing that Miguel doesn't notice- He is blinded by his own theory.

We all have our own biases, is not odd that we are inclined to believe things when they are said for people we respect, admire or look up. Similarly, we are also inclined to believe things more quickly when they align we pre-established world views, or favours a narrative you are more inclined to believe in.

(Yes I admitted how that means this work and others fall into this category, the reason they are as long as they are is because I try to at least to be able to justify my position in some way, and lay all what I think in case someone wants to debate me on it.)

My point with all of this, is that the reason why Miguel cannot see the holes in his own theory as he explains it, is because he is biased by the narrative he has done in his head.

I said this a million times already and I will say it again: No one believes in this more than Miguel, while I think Jess and Peter believe some things and are doubtful with others, Miguel believes all the way.

And just like some missionary people going too far, he can justify all the things he is doing because of this. Because is for the "greater good," and as long as it is for that reason, slamming teens into the train while screaming "you are a mistake!" Is all to save the multiverse.

But we aren't seeing a guy convinced to do things the hard way because sometimes tough situations demand desperate measures. We are seen a man try to cope with his guilt so poorly he created an entire unit dedicated to preserve this idea.

This is horrifying.

And now everything he has done colours different, because let me tell you, if you think too hard about his behaviour now looks a lot more authoritative and insane.

Projection is NOT a great Look Miguel

You know? I firmly believe a lot of people in Miguel's side are biased by his angsty demeanour, by his looks, by the power he has. This isn't to say I am not biased, is just that is not in that direction.

Not gonna lie I can't see this guy throwing stuff and don't remember a couple of temper tantrums my dad has done.

Regardless of my biases, I believe is for this reason I can say that honestly? I find embarrassing that Miguel throws things like that.

Again, I feel these scenes changed a lot the context once you put together that canon isn't part of saving the universe, and that Miguel is getting so worked up about something that until I see the contrary, is a theory he came up by himself with no other backing.

Which means he is throwing stuff at people for no good reason, getting worked up to intense levels that are not appropriate; all while being the boss that doesn't like to be questioned.

Honestly this part isn't exactly necessary on cult leaders, but I would say it happens.

(Again, I don't want to call this necessarily a cult; regardless of how much I think it fits the bill. There are multiple criteria, and I can't evaluate everything.)

One way or another, Miguel's reactions aren't anything good. Think about it, if your boss threw things around when he was angry, would you consider that safe?

Because you know what I consider the most telling part of all of this? Neither when Miguel throws the trashcan, nor when he throws the console, has anyone being surprised about this behaviour.

Let me repeat this; even if this wasn't about Miles, Miguel apparently is known for this enough that no one is phased.

Forget that they are super heroes, I don't think is a great look when the leader of your organization gets so angry he can't think straight, to the point he reaches the wildest conclusions.

This is another reason why I think the mental health in this institution has to be shit, 1) You can't have a harmful belief that enforces suffering and have good mental health, is not feasible. 2) I don't care if Miguel is the boss, or is probably his decision not getting help; is downright embarrassing he is let to do these things and no one questions if he is out of line.

Remember, this shouldn't be a dictatorship, regardless if this was Miguel's idea and operation, if you can't question the leader even if he is wrong; that's tyranny, and all just needs the boss to be wrong once for things to go south.

Now imagine when the entire system is flawed.

Now, the following part feels like I may be repeating myself, but the previous part was about how these actions are bad; and the second one is about why having mental health issues isn't a defence,

I imagine by this point, perhaps someone may want to come out of the woodwork's and say "But you are being completely unfair! Miguel is clearly hurting about this, he is not thinking clearly! That's why he screams to Miles that he is a mistake, he is projecting!"

(Sigh.) You know? I don't think there is a lot of people who would seriously try to say that about someone making a theory like this is still justified to do what he does, because he is clearly trying to substitute reality with his own, but because I had gotten WAY TOO MANY TIMES the "oh poor Miguel/Peter they are traumatized!" I am going to do the thing that is the real reason this post will be controversial.

Because disregarding your mental health to the point is hurting you and affecting others IS BAD TOO.

HEAR ME OUT!

In real life, there are complications like not having money, not having resources you can go to, maybe you are living with an abusive person who will not let you get any help- Things are very complicated, and there are many reasons you are stuck.

This isn't Miguel's case, for starters.

The guy clearly has money, he even has a spider-man psych which means the guy knows how the secret identity goes and has a psychological degree, so you can say he has an available, viable help just right around the corner. He is also a middle-aged man, meaning he should know better.

Because here is the thing, for all the dumb shit Gwen has done, she is a traumatized teen with not the best support, not adults she can rely on, and has a dad which copy mechanism is "I have a job to do," which is the same thing she does. I can believe she doesn't know any better, and will not take the best decisions either. I did my own fair of mistakes at that age so I can't talk.

What is Miguel's excuse? I am sorry, but I feel when you are at that age, when you have a responsibility this big, (that let's not forget everybody, HE CHOSE THIS, no one forced it onto him.) You need to be able to look in yourself and know when you can lead or not, when you can be trusted with big decisions or not. By this point in your life, you shouldn't rely on other people to tell you need help. If you are so much in your own head you are not seeing what's in front of you, that's a problem you need to fix.

You could try to argue that at that point he obviously will not see it, but 1) Honestly people let him get away with it, as we can see. 2) Do we know he would listen, considering this situation?

That doesn't mean letting him go rampant, that means "we took the executive decision you aren't fit as a leader." I am not joking here, Elon Musk was kicked out of paypal for less dumb shit and that's saying something.

I had heard so many excuses over the years about angry men that refuse to address their attitude issues because, "he had a rough childhood," "his father was absent," "he is stressed about work." All while being told that you need to grit your tear and bear it.

I can't take seriously a guy who has the money and the means to recover, yet refuses to confront reality because is more comfortable to fabricate something in your mind.

ESPECIALLY NOT when he is involving more people into his twisted system, that perpetuates people having MORE TRAUMA, all to justify his own.

All, while putting the multi-verse in danger, because he decided to take this task upon himself yet using his own flawed narrative.

And you know why I think Miguel being wrong in multiple things, (his theory, behaviour, literally throwing Gwen for questioning him and "letting him go" and not for disobeying- seriously why throw a way the justifiable reason if it isn't meant to be something?) Is not bad writing in my opinion, is because-

THAT'S THE ENTIRE POINT~!

Notice the funny thing about all of these scenes? All of them have Miguel showing being in the wrong.

Miles is telling Miguel it was the Spot, because it literally was; the black matter started way before and he saw it.

Miles IS Spider-man because he has earned that title, and not by doing a checklist of pre-approved events to see if he fits or not the bill.

Miguel is wrong because he is literally mad at Gwen for questioning him, and is insisting Gwen let Miles go; which is funny because PETER was the one in close quarters with Miles, and had a much better chance of capturing him.

But he isn't given any a reprimand for his behaviour, he gets scotch free while Gwen is being blamed for that blunder; and hey isn't something very traditional of corrupt systems of power favour those close to the inner circle while the "problematic members" are blamed for the mistakes of others?

And you can see all the other mistakes I had laid down already.

Because Miguel is the antagonist.

He is a man so blinded by guilt he has created a whole system made to keep it intact, is absolutely absurd to realize how crazy everything sounds once you put all of these pieces together.

Yet the point of this story is how even while having the most noble of reasons, if you are so focused on the past you are forced to make it your future, you may miss the opportunities out there to make it better.

Just like someone living in an unjust society, convinced it needs to perpetuate the status quo because anything else would mean the end of the world as we know it.

It really shows how sad and twisted this can be.

Oof, that got a little heavy huh? Sorry about that, is hard not to get intense.

Still feel a little crazy seeing the parallels about cults because I don't think the team realized how much this is hammering home with that; or maybe they do and I am underestimating them.

Thank you for anyone who came along in this ready! As always if you have the chance please support my ko-fi, and if you can't, please share this post around!

[kingprinceleo]

Hi there! Playlist anon again. I listened to the whole thing and here are my thoughts. I hope this isn't over reaching cause I really enjoyed it overall and would love to see the rest 🙏🏽. Buckle in this is longgg

Rivers is a Vampire- Sonic would dance fight Shadow to this song (like in the original puss in boots, look up the scene I swear it's great).

Loose Cannon- it's both so Shadow and Sonic coded but it's funnier if it's Shadow realizing he likes Sonic. More likely it's supposed to be Sonic @ Shadow and it really fits. 10/10 putting it on my personal playlists.

Genius - this is Sonic having a jam sesh in his bedroom. 7.5/10 very in character, you're going to make me start liking rock music.

Assassin- 9/10 Shadow in his emo boy bag. The verses feel like Shadow in his head thinking he's hot shit (he's right), but the chorus feels like Rouge trying to talk him down. Overall big fan.

Lost- Honestly really love the vibes of this one. It sounds like Sonic and Hoax fighting/ talking or just Sonic debating with himself. Love the jaunty music with the sinister undertones.Fading World- 7/10(<- could be higher depending on personal taste) A nice interplay between Sonic's cheery friendliness and Shadow's.... everything. A nice world building song if that makes sense. If vamp au! were a level in a game this would play.

Moon Trance- A vampire nobility song if that makes sense. Kinda gives off Blaze if Sonic were dropping in with EDM beats. World building song.

Phantom of the Opera Overture- Shadow once again in his emo bag. Listening to this I imagine him dramatically posed as Ophelia in the river as Rouge looks on utterly unimpressed. Another world building song.

Dear Wormwood- 10/10 Devastating. This feels like when Shadow discovers Rogue is a vampire (if that's still canon?) and could work for the Sonic/Hoax reveal but to a much lesser extent.

Galacta Knight Theme- 5/10. Not bad but I'm not entirely sure how it fits. Feels like a world building song but lacks the rock and goth roots of its predecessors. I wanna say it feels like an Eggman song?

Trouble- Rouge song very fun (Shadow if you get a microscope). Good for a chase scene or playful fight.

Look What You Made Me Do Remix- Shadow after Sonic sneaks an extra sip of blood. 8/10 Shadow wouldn't be a Swiftie but he would bop to a song or two.

Bodies- GODDDDD 10/10. Shadow tracking a vampire to a party in his vulture outfit and having to maneuver his way to stealthily kill them (can't remember clearly if Shadow's actively a vampire hunter in the au rn but you get the vibe /pos).

Vampire Culture- like I said before Shadow being a hater /pos. Somebody get this boy a weighted blanket he needs to chill 8/10. I imagine he plays this as he puts on each vampire repellent stud and piercing.

The Magic 8- A very Sonic song in message but also Amy with the talk of magic. Funky duet? They'd probably sing this at Shadow 9/10.

Who's in Control- 10/10 Another Sonic/ Hoax talking song (I interpret their dynamic to be that Hoax has less inhibitions than Sonic and is overall allowed to be looser. hopefully that's close).

Why Do I- Sonic after Shadow realizes he's Hoax and they have a falling out. It feels do very Teen Beach Movie /pos. He'd get a whole musical number with backup dancers and rad sad choreography.

Blood Red Moon- World building song. Funnily enough I think you'd introduce Shadow with it. Dark foggy night, random vamp running away/ person being attacked by one, cut to Shadow standing ominously with a lightning strike for good measure. Lowkey has cowboy vibes.

Born of a Star- Feels like a happy future. The type of track that would play towards the end of a boss fight.

Drumming Song- 8/10. Very much an Amy song I like it a lot plenty of witchy vibes. Feels like it would play when she performs a powerful spell/ ritual (not sure exactly how her magic works). The chorus especially also sounds like Shadow describing the effect Hoax has on him :).

You've Created a Monster- Shadow. That's the review. This plays during a hunt or just during his morning routine. Just goofy enough to hide the emotional turmoil but serious enough to show his issues 8/10.

This is Why- Shadow whenever he sees Hoax. He's his biggest hater. Also Shadow at his job with Knuckles (he's about to punch someone's teeth in).

Figure 8- Sad Shadow hours. Probably around the time he just met Hoax and made the deal. Sounds like he's questioning his whole identity :(.

Shoot to Kill- 6/10 World building song. It's giving gathering of elders in the vampire kingdom.

Punching Bag- I've been associating the Set it Off songs with Sonic so far so at first I was thrown for a loop, but honestly? I can see him singing this after someone (Shadow) tries to kill him. It can also be a Shadow song but I find the Sonic angle very interesting.

Vampire- 9/10. ROUGE SONG. She's about to rob a man, GOOD FOR WOMEN.

Sirens- Not sure exactly this would apply to but very fun. Sounds like Shadow falling in love in a very overdramatic way but could also be Sonic. 8/10

Again sorry for the length and I hope I didn't interpret anything egregiously wrong 😭

I think the band In This Moment and their albums GODMODE, Mother and Ritual could maybe fit.

Thanks again for sharing :)🙏🏽

~🩸🎵

anon i am literally kissing you on ur nonexistent smooth gray mouth HHJDFHHSDH this is the nicest thing anyones ever given me im so giddy about this DHFSHFHSDJDSF that being said this is gonna get so long so i am adding the under cut LOL

Rivers is a Vampire- youre so fucking right for this and i wanna draw it so bad ... JKDFJKSJKF

Loose Cannon-set it offs elsewhere album is a whole banger and highly recc the whole thing >:]]] and this song is a shadow centric one ! about how hes always on the edge around everyone bc of his paranoia, and esp around hoax lol, he gets mad about being called out </333

Genius - sonic jamming to this is also so correct fdjghjdfg contrary to shadow, sonic in vampire au is just here to have a good time LMAO (u should get into rock :} BDSFBH its fun here)

Assassin- this one is rlly interesting to me bc the ENTIRE thing is intended to be a shadow callout post from sonic/hoax pov. i would not have considered this being shadow reflecting on himself at all ! but damn the rouge pov also works out really well too, i never considered that either! (originally i figured the only rouge mention would have been 'you hear whispers when were just talking' which would have been sonic and rouge talking to each other and shadow thinks they are conspiring </3)

Lost- this one is a lil complicated in my rat brain shdfhj !! this one is shadow pov! its like. about his perspective shifts across the plot in vampire au- first trying to hide from the scary vampires </3 and the screams are getting louder line ....is about maria...... i eated that part up.... "please dont find me im not ok" is a very shadowcore line and the final lost chorus meant to rep shadow eventually becoming 'lost' in what scared him but like. embracing it. this one. is hard to convey JJSDFJSD prob would need art to get across what i mean i suppose Fading World- this one is a Maria and GUN song ! :]c (dont worry about the fact its bass boosted. i am just guy who likes bass......)

Moon Trance- close !!! silver and mephiles :3333 jbhdfjdj(meph is blazes royal advisor so it does tie back to her kingdom ehe). boys who prowl and will bash your head in to this in the woods somewhere

Phantom of the Opera Overture- "Shadow once again in his emo bag. Listening to this I imagine him dramatically posed as Ophelia in the river as Rouge looks on utterly unimpressed. Another world building song." I NEED TO DRAW THIS SO FUCKING BAD AHAHH u are SO FUCKING RIGHT FOR THIS. side note, a general rule of thumb (not always but a lot) anything that sounds this fucking dramatic is shadow pov and how he imagines vampires, the real guys are just chilling dfbhgfhsd with their nerd music. shadow is vampires #1 hype man without even realizing

Dear Wormwood- this one is Primarily a shadow and GUN song !! tho there are little tidbits of others who he has discovered lied to him like rouge eggman and sonic !!! (and yes shadow finding out rouge is a vampire is still canon >:])

Galacta Knight Theme-close with the eggman bit !! a theme for geebo <333(Lance)

Trouble- very correct vibes !! primarily rouge but i would add sonic in there too !! they both have that fun playful air to them tbh that i think a lot of people overlook in their canon dynamic hfgdhj

Look What You Made Me Do Remix- Shadow @ everyone tbh !! buttt primarily this is during his GUN arc when hes just so fed up with being lied to (he doesnt even know) i think if u remixed enough taylor swift into rock or metal he could get down to it fdgbjgdhjf

Bodies- YOURE SO RIGHT FOR THISSSS. esp the vulture part :]c... and the vampire hunter part is .. a little complicated ! he kinda is sometimes? theres a specific circumstance that makes him more willing to actively hunt and kill

Vampire Culture- he is absolutely blaring this in his mind while he gets ready lmaooo . big fan of weight blanket shadow tho dhgfdjg....something to draw.... fun lil fact tho... i imagine that smooth voice to be the head of GUN....

The Magic 8- i think sonic is the one singing it! but its all about amy! about her arc with her desperation to prove herself, getting consumed by her ambitions, and working with dark magic :)

Who's in Control- the sonic and hoax angle is SOOO interesting to me! i would have never thought of it bc frankly they are chill af, he does not have much turmoil about it! this has always been a HUGE shadow song esp 'living in fear, living afraid, hysterical everyday"

Why Do I- this is actually shadow @ sonic !!! reverse hehehe. this is one of the more accurate songs lmaooo, like 'wake up in cold sweats screaming your name" this song is the canon point in time where shadow first realizing he has a crush on sonic !! sonic is the reason the bastard drinks </3333

Blood Red Moon- absolutely obsessed with your version of it oughhhh, but its always been an eggman song to me (esp with that laugh lol)! and one of his silly little schemes. defo gonna draw that shadow idea tho thats so sick (and it is SO cowboy. do not be surprised if it winds up in the desert vampire playlist)

Born of a Star- this one is a death song ! self reflection and "how did we get here"

Drumming Song- close with the chorus part ! but the entire thing is Sonic pov about how yummy yummy shadows blood is 😋 shadows heartbeat drumming in his mind !

You've Created a Monster- i was SO fucking confused when i saw this bc!!!! youtube is hiding that video from me "its not available" !! and apparently you can see it but i cant!!! im so mad but i also owe you my life bc i found the song again and it BANGS SO HARD and it is 100% shadow wanting to kill maim <3333 its also a 3 way song for shadow @ everyone/ Hoax @ shadow about how shadow seems to be forcing hoax to be the monster he fears to justify his hatred/ uh oh amy fucked up !!!!

This is Why- THE JOB ANGLE IS SO CORRECT AND FUNNY, obsessed with that. but also yeah shadow doesnt like outside </3 rouge is the one saying the coast is clear </333

Figure 8- the deal interpretation is so good...... thats all im ever gonna think about now. honestly "all for your sake, became the very thing that i hate, i lost my way, spinning in an endless figure 8" was meant to be a shadow talking about maria line! but thats all i really got from the song, the deal idea is so good.......

Shoot to Kill- i personally saw this as a shadow GUN song !! bro is more intense and focused than usual

Punching Bag- THIS CHANGED ME WTFFF, i was struggling to see it as shadow and GUN, but oh my fucking GOD, the sonic pov is so raw and i am OBSESSED with it. pissed him off one too many times !!!!!!!

Vampire- WE SUPPORT WOMENS WRONGS !!! YAY ROUGE!!!!

Sirens- this is a shadow and GUN song !! solace in their song is propaganda !! shadows ready to shoot !!! shake off some blues kill vampires !!! HES BACK IN THE NOOSE!!!! SONIC GIVE HIM ALL YOU GOT BECAUSE IF NOT THEYRE GONNA DROWN HIM OUT !!!!!!! ehe :]

i listened to Mother and couldnt immediately feel anyone out with it but ill look thru their other stuff and rack my brain !!! ty for the suggestion !!!! but omg ty SO MUCH this was so fun if u ever wanna hmu for the other playlists...... i am looking so hard.. (but no pressure !! this was already so much and im so grateful !!!)