#i suspect the dynamic will be changed somewhat

[captain-noir]

curious about how they're going to approach the loumand dynamic because i think the explicitiness of show loustat kind of shortchanges whatever they had in the books. louis’ naivety in love and vampirism was a major factor in their courtship - he found a worthy mentor and potential companion in armand. but show louis has already had his grand love affair (that rolin insists is the fulcrum of the show) and lestat has been exceedingly forthcoming about his past and about their nature as vampires. i wonder what will entice this louis enough to be willing to consider abandoning claudia for her murderer...

[sirfrogsworth]

Froggie's Guide to Budget Headphones

@nimrella I am more well versed in traditional audio and home theater with big honking speakers, so I don't have much personal experience with headphones and headphone accessories. But I can tell you what I've learned from other people who are in the headphone world. And since you are starting more within the "budget" range I think I am somewhat qualified to guide you at this level.

You have three paths to choose from...

Wireless, low impedance wired (no amplification required), and high impedance wired (amplification required).

Basically... easy, medium, and hard.

But also... good, better, best.

Wireless Headphones

Wireless headphones have come a long way. Audiophiles used to scoff at them but now there are options that really do sound fantastic and the Bluetooth data rates are good enough to deliver high resolution audio. They also have noise cancellation options which may be desirable. If you do not have a quiet, dedicated space for listening to music you might find high end noise cancellation a godsend. People love them especially for planes, trains, and automobiles.

I don't know if everyone knows how noise cancellation works or not, but basically the headphones have microphones that listen to the world around you. They measure the incoming sound and then generate an opposite sound that just about kills ambient noise. If you play the same sound 180 degrees out of phase it basically nullifies those sound waves. The tech works best between 50 Hz and 1000 Hz. For reference we hear between 20 Hz and 20,000 Hz (lower if you are old). So anything super high or super low pitched can still get through.

In any case, if that sounds appealing, wireless headphones should be a consideration.

The other advantage of wireless headphones would be the ease of use. They pair to your phone, your laptop, your TV. They have controls to help you pause and skip songs and change volume. Some allow you to take phone calls.

But the big downside is the sound quality takes a bit of a hit. As I said, the bluetooth standards have actually gotten very very good. (Though there are audiophiles who will swear it still sounds like a 1990s MP3.) So streaming the actual media files are not really an issue. But trying to cram all of that tech into lightweight headphones you can wear around town all day requires compromises and added expense. Not to mention the battery has a limited lifespan. You may have more limited or inconsistent frequency response, poor dynamic range, distortion problems, weak output, and a high noise floor. Wireless options still can't match wired headphone systems in the same price range. And the wireless options that come close are quite spendy.

Wireless Headphones Suggestions

In your price range the two wireless options that I hear mentioned over and over again are the Sony WH-1000 series and the Bose QuietComfort. They are both well regarded for having a good mix of sound quality and noise cancellation while also being a decent value. You might be able to visit a Best Buy and demo them to see if you prefer the sound and comfort of one over the other.

The Apple AirPods Max are said to work really well within the Apple ecosystem. They have some interesting spatial sound modes and very good audio quality. I've heard the noise cancellation is some of the best currently available. But they seem too expensive and a lot of people feel they are too heavy. I also suspect they are due for an update. That said, if you wait for the new ones to come out and buy used, they could come into your price range. I'd really only suggest these if you have multiple Apple products that you will be streaming sound from.

Before we move into wired headphones, let's go over some terms that you might see pop up when doing research and reading reviews.

Froggie's Glossary of Audiophile Terminology

Driver A speaker is made up of drivers. Some speakers have a woofer, a midrange, and a tweeter. Each individual thing is a driver. And with headphones you will often hear "headphone driver" instead of speaker because it is more specific. Headphones typically have an all-in-one driver that does all frequencies. A woofymidteet.

That's not a thing.

I made that up.

Frequency Response This is the range of frequencies produced by the drivers from low to high. You want to make sure your headphones have good, deep bass. That will make more of a difference than anything else. It's the foundation of all sound and what is sorely lacking in devices with small/cheap speakers.

Music typically doesn't go much below 40 Hz in the bass range. So if you are only interested in music listening, that is plenty deep. Movies can go down to 20 Hz, but this isn't necessary for a good immersive experience unless you have giant subwoofers. So if you find something that can play ~40 Hz with decent output, you should be all good. Every speaker has a frequency response curve. It looks something like this.

The X-axis represents the frequency and the Y-axis represents the volume in decibels. We are most concerned with the 40 to 10K Hz section, as most sound happens there.

I'm not going to go super in-depth and overwhelm everyone, but typically you want this graph to look fairly flat in that range. A flat-ish line will give you a "neutral" response.

The above graph gets a little bumpy in the high frequencies. That means those frequencies will have a higher volume than the lower frequencies. If a higher frequency has a big peak, that could make your sound seem too bright or tinny.

Or you could have the opposite problem. You could have a null in the bass where the output dips below everything else. This can make your sound a bit anemic and lacking punch.

Whereas a more flat speaker will output all frequencies at about the same volume and sound much more balanced and smooth.

Equalization or EQ A flat response is good because it will accept EQ well. Equalization is where you add peaks and dips in volume deliberately to taste.

This can be as simple as 3 knobs.

Or it can be a more complicated parametric EQ.

A lot of digital EQ methods have presets to help get you started. I promise it isn't as intimidating as it looks.

Some people like to buy speakers/headphones that are EQ'd how they prefer out of the box. (Or if you get Beats by Dre they just turn the bass all the way up and say "Fuck them other frequencies!") But this is often a bit of a crapshoot because it is hard to EQ a speaker that sounds good in every room or every environment or just to varying individual preferences.

By making the speaker more neutral, it can be much easier to equalize specifically to your needs and enjoyment.

So if you like the bass a little bassier and the mids a little quieter, you have the power to dial that in with great specificity on a neutral speaker. You can apply any EQ you wish and you won't be fighting the speaker's predetermined response.

Basically if you are reading reviews and the headphones are described as "flat" or "neutral" that's a good thing (in my opinion). Just remember nothing is going to be perfectly flat. We're shooting for flat-ish.

If you do decide to get a neutral sounding pair of headphones you may find them a little bland out of the box. Do not panic. You just need to learn a bit about how to apply EQ, but thankfully YouTube is plentiful with tutorials.

The Harman Curve was researched to be most liked by the most people, so you might start there. (Also, SoundSource is a very popular EQ app for Mac.)

Dynamic Range This is the spectrum of how quiet to loud something can get. If you have speakers that can render both a pin drop and a big explosion with great fidelity and proper intensity, you will be in audio heaven. There is so much emotion and drama that can be expressed by expansive dynamic range and most cheap speakers compress it to an inch of its life. When the soft and the loud sounds are the same you miss out on so much audio information intended by the composer.

Distortion This is just how loud a speaker can go without breaking up. Low distortion is good. While every driver distorts at some point, usually that is at a much higher volume than you will use. This typically only plagues cheap, tiny drivers.

Sound Pressure Level (SPL) This is a measurement of how loud a speaker can get. While you don't want to listen to anything louder than a sustained average decibel level of 80 to 85, you do want peaks over 100, especially in the bass. Bass is less damaging to ears and hearing damage is all about sustained volume rather than quick peaks here and there. Most headphones can comfortably do an SPL between 90 and 110 dB. The ability to go louder is good, but only because that expands headroom, not because you should actually listen to them that loud. So if the headphones can get super loud, that means they will have a much easier time delivering normal levels.

Noise Floor Every sound system has background noise. You know that static you hear when you turn a radio up really loud when there is no sound playing? That is your noise floor. You want that to be as quiet as possible because if you turn up the volume, you don't just turn up the volume of the sounds you want to hear, you also turn up the volume of that background noise.

If you can find a headphone system with a decent low noise floor and you can also find a very quiet space to listen in, you could have a religious experience. I don't think people realize how much the room you are in matters, even when listening to headphones. When you are in a quiet room, you can play at lower volumes. And that can mitigate a lot of the problems associated with cranking the volume. You won't damage your ears for one thing. But the speakers won't have to work as hard so you'll have less distortion and better clarity.

Noise mostly comes from the amplifier, which I will talk about later on.

Froggie Pro Tip: If you want cheap speakers to perform better, go to a quiet room and move them as close as possible. This allows you to play them at a lower output while maintaining your desired perceived volume.

Okay, now we can finally talk about...

Wired Headphones

You have open back and closed back styles.

Open back tends to have a more natural sound and feels more comfortable. Like listening to regular speakers. People generally feel they are able to listen to them longer because they don't create a seal and cause pressure on your ear drum. However, if sound can get out, it can also get in. So with open back headphones people nearby will be able to hear what you are listening to. And if you are not in a quiet room, all of that sound will leak in. Meaning you have to increase the volume and the noise floor and the distortion.

Closed back seals off your ears and gives you a quiet and immersive experience. You can be in a noisier room without having to crank the volume as much. Some prefer this style just because it helps them feel like they are going into their own personal dimension of sound. These are great for ASMR too. But ear fatigue can become an issue and you may need to take little breaks to let your ears breathe and your ear drums rest.

And the last thing we need to discuss is impedance.

The impedance of headphones mostly determines how hard they are to amplify. Impedance is measured in ohms which is this little horseshoe symbol... Ω.

Lower ohms means less electrical resistance and easier to amplify.

Higher ohms means more electrical resistance and difficult to amplify.

If you get headphones rated below 100 ohms, they can typically be driven by smartphones and laptops just by plugging into a standard headphone jack. Though depending on the device, 100 may sound a little quiet so you may want to go lower. 30 ohms is fairly typical if you plan to drive your headphones with everyday electronics.

Above 100 ohms you are going to need some sort of amplification—usually a DAC with a headphone amplifier. (There are DACs without amplification so be sure to check that.)

A DAC, or digital-to-analog converter, is already built into your phone and laptop. But those are very small, don't have a lot of power, and might have a higher noise floor due to interference from other components and heat and just a lot of electrical signals nearby.

By getting an external DAC w/amplifier you separate out the components, make them larger and more powerful, and typically improve the sound quality. Because it is more isolated, the amplification can be much quieter despite being more powerful.

If you plan to stay in a static location and you have high impedance headphones, you can get a little box DAC that sits on your desk. It works like an external sound card for your computer. If you record music or stream, a digital audio interface works great as well (remember to check the Ω).

But if you need to be more mobile with your headphones you can get a little USB dongle DAC, though you will probably not get the same sound quality and power.

Both will be superior to the internal DAC built into your computing devices.

So, low impedance headphones are easier if you need to move around.

High impedance headphones are better for staying put in a single location unless you get a dongle DAC.

Just remember, high and low impedance doesn't necessarily indicate quality. It's just that in order to drive high impedance headphones you need the larger amplifier with the nicer components and, by necessity, you automatically get that quality bump.

You can get very good low impedance headphones. However, if you power them *only* with a smartphone, you may not use them to their full potential. Which is why getting an external DAC is a good idea regardless.

But the nice thing about low impedance is you can get the headphones and still use them until you save up for the DAC. Or you can use them as normal while out and about and have a special listening spot at home with the DAC.

To review...

Low impedance and high impedance can both be high quality.

Low impedance (less than 100 ohms) works with anything.

High impedance (more than 100 ohms) requires amplification.

Both will be used to their full potential with a DAC/headphone amplifier of some kind.

Wired Headphones Suggestions

Again, I have not personally listened to any of these. I am just relaying what experts I trust have mentioned as being nice quality in your price range.

The beyerdynamic DT 770 headphones are some of the most well-regarded budget headphones I've heard of. They come in low and high impedance versions.

The Sennheiser HD 560 high impedance headphones are also praised for their value and performance.

If you can go a little pricier...

The HIFIMAN Sundara headphones have low impedance and can be driven easily by all your devices.

And the HIFIMAN Edition XS are even lower impedance and about the same price.

And if you want to try a DAC, I've heard good things about both Fosi and Schiit (yes, like the poopies), though there are many different brands. Just make sure the DAC has a headphone amplifier rated for the ohms you need.

The FOSI K5 Pro is a cheap "beginner" DAC that will power anything up to 300 ohms. This is the kind that sits on your desk.

And if you want a more portable dongle DAC, you can get something like the iFi Go Link.

I've also heard good things about the AudioQuest Dragonfly, though I hate recommending AudioQuest products due to them claiming they can do magical things. They use scientific gobbledygook to scam customers most of the time. That said, the DragonFly might be their only valid product.

Note from Future Froggie: AudioQuest just can't help themselves. While the Dragonfly itself is a good product and not a scam, they developed the "DragonTail", which is a scam.

It's just a USB A to C Adapter for the Dragonfly. But they have to find a way to justify 30 fucking dollars so they came up with this bullshit.

Definitely need to stabilize my geometry. If I have unstable geometry that could lead to quixotic trigonometry. And we all know that could introduce vertices into dodecahedrons. Which leads straight to accelerated cosmotic entropy catalyzing the heat death of the universe.

Fucking AudioQuest.

ANYWAY...

An inexpensive DAC may be all you ever need but DACs can get crazy expensive—just like headphones. And if you are really fancy you can get a DAC and a headphone amplifier as separate items. Audiophiles claim when you simplify components to a singular function you increase quality. While I think there is some small truth to that, I suspect they just think the tubes look neat.

Froggie's Disclaimer: I am not telling you to get these specific things, but I do think you'll probably be happy with anything I've suggested. But sound is a subjective experience and it is always best to test things out before you buy them, if possible. Or make sure there is a return policy. You might see if there is a brick-and-mortar store nearby that allows you to demo headphones. Remember that comfort can be just as crucial as sound quality for long listening sessions.

Final Thoughts

Good sound has been life changing for me. And I am excited when anyone goes down this journey. While the stuff mentioned is considered "budget" by audiophiles, this can give you a good starting point if you want to upgrade down the road. You'll get to know your preferences and get a better understanding of how this all works and choose your own adventure from there.

Though it is very possible you'll be quite content with "budget" and the sound quality is more than enough.

Personally, while I am very happy with my current home theater setup, I am hopeful one day I can upgrade one budget tier above where I currently am and that will be my endgame. I've heard $10,000 speakers and it is mostly a land of diminishing returns once you reach that level.

I'm fine in "budget" land.

Further Research

I didn't mention the different types of headphone drivers because I didn't want to put too much data in everyone's head. But if you want to do additional research you can learn about the 4 main types... dynamic, planar magnetic, electrostatic, and balanced armature.

[moonyasnow]

Ship intro: Leomoe

The image of cat Tomoe & Leona was made by my friend @cactus13-rolloflammesimp ^^

Some fics I think really fit to show off their relationship and dynamic and stuff! Not perfect, of course, but pretty close:

'Burn Wild' by @/solxamber ("Always so close, yet so far away. Leona pushes it down—he keeps pushing and pushing, until one day, he lets it break.")

'There's a Calm Surrender' by @/cheapshrimpysheep ("The Bead Brawl tournament ends and Leona and the other three run away leaving you[Tomoe], Grim and Jack behind. This causes Neji(Kifaji) to reprimand Leona and trigger him into taking you[Tomoe] on a ride to confess to you[Tomoe]")

I made a little imaginary music video in my head for their theme song

Hereeee comes the timeline stuff~

Keep in mind I miiight need to change up some stuff in the future depending on what happens after Book 7 and stuff like that.

AND THIS IS SOOOO LONG I SWEAR I DIDN'T THINK IT'D END UP THIS LONG

T I M E L I N E :

Book 1

Tomoe's first thought upon tripping over Leona's tail is So there really is a different species with animal-characteristics in this world...'

Of course she saw a couple of students with similar characteristics before...but this, having it confirmed before her very eyes that the tails and ears are REAL, that the people they're attached to feel the same kind of pain an animal from Earth would if it was stepped on, made it really start to sink in.

As soon as it does, her first reaction is to bow in apology.

"I apologize; I didn't realize there was someone else here."

All he did was 'hmph' in response. "Ain't nothin' worse than bein' in the middle of a good nap and havin' some jerk step on your tail."

"Again: I am sincerely sorry."

"You...I know you. You're one of those herbivores from orientation who couldn't use magic."

When he suddenly stands up, walks towards her, and sniffs her, she can't help but yelp in surprise.

"H-heeh—?"

This isn't the first time she's been shocked in the past few days, but this is probably the biggest shock she's received yet. She wasn't used to anyone, much less someone she'd barely known for a minute, walking up so close to her, and doing something like sniffing her.

Realizing it must be related to the biology of the Earth animal whose features he seemed to share, she didn't take offense at it, but it was still somewhat bewildering.

"Well, can't say it'd be much fun to hurt someone so helpless. Still gonna do it, though."

And she snapped out of her state of surprised confusion quickly, alert and prepared for some kind of a conflict.

"No one gets to stomp on my tail and just walk away without payin' the price. I'm in a bad mood on account of bein' woken up from my nap, too. That's gonna cost you a tooth."

She wasn't quite sure whether to try talking her way out of it first, considering she was going to need to return to that part of the botanical gardens either way, and the lion's tail lead her to suspect he'd be able to outrun them quite easily, but Grim's urging lead her to deciding that 'cheesing it' was indeed the better option.

She'd picked up Grim into her arms, one leg poised to make the first leap of a get-away, when the hyena beastman she'd later come to know as Ruggie appeared, preventing an all-out conflict.

"Hrmph… Next time you stink up my territory, there's gonna be a price to pay, herbivores!"

Was the last thing said between them during their first meeting, Tomoe watching on silently, still on-guard, until he left, and she let out a quiet breath.

Her mind was quickly turned to other matters.

Still...his boldness in stepping so close to her to confirm his suspicions did leave quite an impression on her.

To sum it up, her first impression was that he was someone to be wary around. Not meant in any negative way toward him, just that if they were to become enemies, he's someone she couldn't underestimate.

Book 2

As soon as they encountered Ruggie, Tomoe immediately knew he'd done something, like magic of some kind, knowing food was the one thing Grim would never concede, and so was immediately suspicious of him. She knew, at least, by this point that Grim couldn't lie to save his life, so she believed what he said about feeling like his body was copying Ruggie's.

After being assigned to the case by Crowley, and hearing all of the students report feeling like their body was moving on its own...her gut was telling her he was the most likely suspect. But she refrained from saying anything about her suspicions until she had more proof.

And she DEFINITELY caught Jack mumbling to himself about how he didn't think he'd become a target.

Frankly? She thought it was sloppy. If they wanted to go undiscovered, they should have had one of their own fake an injury; or at the very least fake narrowly escaping getting hurt.

And as soon as she heard that Savannaclaw had lost to Diasomnia the past years, and that they would be paired up against Diasomnia in the first round of the tournament she already had most of the case figured out.

On Leona's side of things…

All this planning, almost time for his plan to be put into action, and here comes this meddling herbivore and her hairball familiar playing detective?

…And she figured him out, and thwarted his plans.

Typical.

Because of course; life had never given him anything he wanted before, no matter how hard he'd worked for it, so why would it this time?

He still held some lingering resentment for what happened…though a lot of it was directed inwards, swearing at himself for being bested by such a simple, doe-eyed herbivore.

But after all was said and done, she didn't hold a grudge. Since, because of that vision she somehow saw...she understood. She understood exactly where all those feelings came from, and roughly how they lead to where they did.

She decided to pretend like the whole entire thing hadn't even happened, not letting her perception of him be defined by it.

But what he hated the most was that...after he came to following his overblot. He didn't find the same scorn in her eyes as he did in the others'. Not even the anger and disappointment in Ruggie and Jack's. Instead it was... No, he didn't know what it was.

Neither did she.

But he quickly decided to just stop thinking about it.

She didn't. She couldn't.

Especially after the match they played against each other. Even with her only acting as a strategist, playing against him... It brought her a feeling she didn't have the words to describe.

Book 3

When he heard what she'd done, he was absolutely floored. He thought she really must be stupid. Or absolutely insane! Maybe both...

That she'd really go out of her way to ask for every single one of Azul's contracts at NRC to be broken if she fulfilled her end of the deal...it was the gutsiest, most arrogant, foolhardy thing he'd ever heard someone try.

What was weirder to him was how calm she looked about it. Like stated earlier, insane...or maybe she really did have some trick card up her sleeve?

He wasn't counting on it, though.

During Book 3 after being kicked out of their dorm, while Irina had decided to brave one of the unused 'storage' rooms, Tomoe and Grim ended up sharing a sleeping bag on the floor of Leona's room.

Her first thought upon seeing it was that she desperately wanted to clean it. And seeing as she's used to getting up at 05:00 every day...she took the chance to at least get all the clothes laying around the room into a few small piles in a corner of the room, divided by garment type.

As for how she ended up getting his help...

Picture HOURS of loud enka singing. As well as the intro songs of anime she'd watched with her siblings growing up.

Seeing her, to him surprising, ruthlessness in getting his help, Leona gained quite a bit of respect for her as a person after it was all over. In fact they both ended up realizing that, despite the obvious difference in her being so hands-on and his hands-off approach, they were remarkably similar. In Leona, for the first time, she found someone who could keep up with her natural quick-thinking. She actually felt her heart flutter a little when their first chess match against each other resulted in a draw.

And after the events at Mostro Lounge, she 'somehow' seemed to find her way to where he was more often. Or perhaps it was him who just 'happened' to be in places she'd pass by. Maybe a bit of both. They both began to introduce each other to more and more strategic board games, Tomoe to Yoté and Dara, Leona to Shogi and Go, and kept finding their win-lose ratio begin to plateau as soon as the other figured out the rules. It didn't take long before many students were betting on who would win the next match. They may not have been there for the actual games themselves, but it was usually easy to tell who won, lost, or if it was a draw based on the two's respective moods.

It felt refreshing to for once be allowed to go all out against someone and not have to bother thinking about being polite all the time. She was still very polite toward everyone else, of course, but he was a special exception. The two teased each other quite often, too. It seemed that both of them could dish it out, but neither could really take it, huffing and pouting and becoming defensive when the other did it. He made her incredibly frustrated at times, which was a very new experience for her, as she'd never had an equal she could really get upset at without it being for good reason before. With him she didn't always need to be responsible and mature or relied upon. She kinda liked it. He could get under her skin in a way no one else had ever managed to; challenged her in a way she'd never realized she craved.

And as for his side of things, she had a lot more patience with him than most people did. She treated him just like she would anyone else. She wasn't afraid to call him out on it when he acted out of turn, and stuck by him even when he did, but otherwise didn't mind his grouchy, callous way of acting, sometimes even teasing him for 'acting like a grumpy cat'. Eventually it became commonplace to see her sitting under a tree while Leona used her lap as a pillow, Tomoe turning the pages of a book laid on the grass with one hand and using the other to play with his hair. And, knowing how much it hurt her that no one in Twisted Wonderland knew anything about Earth history and she thus couldn't talk about it with anyone, he let her basically infodump to him about it whenever she wanted— so long as she kept playing with his hair, of course. He always acted like he was asleep, but really, he listened. And she knew he did. And he probably knew that she knew. But they didn't say anything about it. For once, they didn't need to.

And maybe it was sorta nice…knowing he hadn't been bested by just any herbivore.

And Leona actually ended up making her more open to being a bit less hands-on, learning to delegate and to trust they were competent enough to handle themselves. And she in turn encouraged him to become more involved in the activities of his Dorm where it was needed, such as cracking down on Savannaclaw students' frequent starting of fights.

She can also tend to overwork herself sometimes, so Leona forcefully pulling her away to take a nap was exactly what she needed. And Leona having been the one at fault also gave her some kind of excuse for why she was 'slacking off'. And when Cheka visited, she was more than happy to take over Leona's responsibility of babysitting him; she'd always loved kids and had a very motherly personality, and the little lion's eyes always lit up when he begged her to tell him another story. ...Though Leona did become a little bit jealous of her spending so much time away from him when Cheka visited, so he often ended up joining in on their activities anyway.

And they'd also started sitting together at lunch more and more often.

I like to imagine that when Leona sits with Tomoe, Grim and Adeuce at lunch (Irina usually eats either with Jamil and Ruggie(when neither are busy helping out Kalim or Leona) or with Malleus) Tomoe instantly starts picking some pieces of meat from his tray to it on hers, and replacing it with some of the vegetables from hers

She eats a lot more vegetarian food than meat, so I imagine she used the argument that this way they're both getting more varied diets

He still leaves most of the vegetables untouched…most of them. He does eat a little bit of it. Sometimes.

Book 4

For just a second, just one, Leona wondered if maybe he'd offer for her to stay at some some hotel in the Sunset Savannah over the break, knowing just how awful the heat isolation was in the rickety old house Tomoe and her dorm-mates lived in.

But then he remembered his brother and sister-in-law would probably be bugging him to meet her. Even worse if Cheka found out she was there. He seemed to like her just as much as he liked Leona himself.

Book 5

There's not much going on this book so instead I'll write a bit more about the internal parts, as well as some details I didn't know where else to write

She saw through that protective façade of his. Saw the good in him. She saw a man who cared a lot more than he would ever let on, who wanted to prove his worth, that he was worth more than the weight of a crown he was born a decade too late for, a weight that would always weight him down like a shackle of phantom pain…but had given up hope he could ever change it, or that the chain would ever weight less.

Each time she revealed just how well she truly saw him, he felt his pulse begin to race with a cold sweat, feeling completely and utterly naked under her gaze.

But it was also all he'd ever wanted.

To not feel the weight of that steel ball on his ankle. To look into someone's eyes and realize that for once, they weren't looking into a one-way mirror, but through glass, straight at him.

For Leona the man, not the prince, to be perceived.

Because of Tomoe, Leona now knows what happens in:

The Journey to the West

Romance of the Three Kingdoms

Water Margin

The Art of War

The Tale of Genji

The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter

The Iliad

The Odyssey

Don Quixote

Les Misérables

All of Shakespeare's written works

The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Poetic and Prose Edda (sources on Norse mythology)

The Saga of Grettir

He's picked it all up the many times he's pretended to be asleep on Tomoe but has actually mostly just been listening to her talk.

Now, she never gets details from her favorite books wrong. But if she ever did, he'd be able to correct her about ANY detail. He hopes it doesn't actually come to that though because then he'd need to break the weird kayfabe of whatever the heck their current relationship would be classified as and actually admit he's been paying very close attention to her this whole time.

Of course he knows she already knows, but saying it WITH WORDS is another thing entirely.

Cloudcalling the Savannah

This is, understandably, considering it's Leona's hometown event, a pretty big moment for them. I'm gonna include a lot of quotes

Tomoe tells him that, though she'd heard him complain about his family before, she could never entirely see exactly why he seemed so frustrated. But now, she understands exactly why. She's also frustrated now. She talks to him about ideas like putting up solar panels; the Sunset Savannah has nothing if not sunlight, after all. So that energy could fuel more industries, in turn giving jobs to the people in the slums both as workers on Solar plants, but also in the factories, and making deliveries. And they found yet another common ground. Basically, she's the only one who's really on the same wavelength as Leona, both in terms of their very intelligent, logical minds, as well as seeing exactly how short-sighted and misguided his family's efforts are.

She says, upon seeing the golden fountain: "In my home's history, there was once a queen of a country going through a famine while the nobility still lived large in their mansions and palaces. When a revolt started, and the common-folk lead a march to the palace to demand the king open his overflowing granaries to them, just to be able to feed themselves, she is said to have stated: 'If they are hungry, let them eat cake.'"

Leona, who's listened to her ramble on about history for countless hours, knows that the quote was 1) not at all from Japanese history, 2) only misattributed to her, and 3) only later on. But Tomoe says: "The point still stands, so they don't need to know that." And his respect for her grows a bit more.

[ When they're at the market ]

"Unfortunately, I don't have much to spare."

"If you recall, the monthly sum the Headmage provides me with is supposed to cover food for me, Grim and Irina for an entire month. A shiny bauble doesn't fill an empty stomach." Grim complains. "Grim, we were given these ribbons, so we have mementos already. And our hosts are being very generous allowing us to stay here free of charge. They even bought you your juice."

[and then Leona says he'll pay for whatever Grim gets]

"Now Grim, what do we say?"

"Sure sure, thanks and all that, now I gotta pick!"

Smiling, Tomoe shakes her head in amusement. While Grim is distracted with the thing he got, Tomoe goes closer to Leona. "Thank you."

Leona says: "The hairball already said it himself. But I won't turn away even more gratitude." Tomoe shakes her head again, look on her face even more amused.

"I'm thanking you myself, for getting it for him. We would survive without it, yes, but I do like to see that happy look on his face. So thank you, for spoiling him in my stead."

"Huh, wonder where the three who usually watch Cheka are… …Oh, don't tell me." Leona said.

"Oh, yes." Answered Kifaji. "I do hope you're prepared, Prince Leona."

The aforementioned prince only 'tsk'ed in reply.

'Ah.' she thought. She turned to him.

"I suppose we should expect a challenge then."

Leona could practically feel the look Neji must've shot him at overhearing this exchange (which he pointedly chose not to turn to see) drilling into his head. It had been very few people who could really see into his head like that. Even if this itself wasn't a very groundbreaking example of insight into him, it was enough that Neji would get curious. But he remained steadfast that he would NOT be giving the old bird even a milimeter, lest he take a mile.

He was not ready to have any sort of conversation about the topic he presumed he'd be asked about.

...about Tomoe. About him and Tomoe.

And let's not even mention when Cheka decided he'd start calling her 'anty Tomoe'.

He was not looking forward to his next trip home...

Thought speaking of trips... When, after the Bead Brawl, Leona, Lilia, Vil and Kalim all sped away in his car, leaving her, Grim, Jack, Spike (still suffering from a terrible sunburn) behind with Neji...she felt a bit forlorn.

She...kinda wished he'd taken her along, too.

Book 6

She went after Grim. The whole incident made her realize just how important Grim had become to her in such a short time; she felt like a mother who'd lost her child. She was worried for the others too, especially Leona, but she knew they could handle themselves.

Or at least so she thought. But when she did see Leona again...she was so relieved. The worry for Grim had been stronger at first because she actually saw him be taken away. But seeing Leona again she realized just how worried she'd been for him too when that worry was lifted from her shoulders.

The utter relief she felt upon seeing him again, combined with the memory of the end of their visit to the Sunset Savannah finally made something click for her.

She was in love with him.

The news shocked even her at first. She hadn't realized that falling in love was something she really COULD do...she'd never had much interest in it before; had never even had a crush.

But, if there was anyone who could make her fall for them, of course it'd be him. It just made sense to her, that of all the people she'd ever been close to, that it was him.

No one else would ever be able to compare to him.

Book 7

She is asleep. She dreams of some strange, fanfiction-esque alternate reality: a historical Japanese setting based off the media she'd engaged with of the Muromachi period. Everyone she's met from Twisted Wonderland is there, as is her family and friends from back home, and she's the Samurai/Strategist/closest companion/lover of Leona, who's here the second son to the Emperor and breaks away from the Imperial family and starts a war to win personal status. She knew she couldn't persuade him it was a bad idea, so instead she decided to just do everything she could to make sure their war went smoothly.

But she's always been more interested in the lives of historical people in general, whether they be Priests or Warlords or Commoners or Emperors, than she has in the actual bloody side of warfare. So the dream barely actually shows any of the 'war' parts, seeming to be mostly just in a lull period where preparations are still being made, but the war has already broken out. And when it does show combat, there's way more of an emphasis on the strategy.

Book 8?

I'm using this as a placeholder name for whenever Crowley actually manages to find a way home for Tomoe and Irina.

Irina decides very quickly she's not going back to Earth; she's staying in Twisted Wonderland with Malleus.

But for Tomoe?

It's not that easy.

She actually has something to go back to.

She has people she loves in her world; her mother, father, sister, brother, grandparents, and her friends Tooru, Kaede and Miki. Before she was sent to Twisted Wonderland she got into the school she'd always wanted to go to and was prepared to study history and eventually get a teaching degree, and become a history teacher, like she's wanted ever since she was very small.

She was just about to celebrate her brother's birthday, and then later that week go to a fireworks festival with her friends-- their last before they'd all start going to separate schools for the first time and not be able to hang out as much. It was a bit sad...but also hopeful. Bittersweet. They were growing, and while things wouldn't stay the same, in some ways they would become even better.

Then she wakes up in an uncomfortable coffin to a talking cat almost burning her to a crisp trying to steal the uniform she doesn't remember putting on.

And she's forced to become a janitor working only for room and board, in a dilapidated hovel of a house, trying to keep that talking cat- who can breathe fire- in line enough to not get both her, him, and the other student from her world she needs to look after from being expelled and kicked out to survive on the streets in a world none of them are ready for.

All the while, she's wondering if her family and friends are worried about her. And she has to deal with the headmage, who clearly has no plans on actually going out of his way to try and find a way home for her nor Irina.

But it's not all bad. She makes friends at Night Raven College. Ace and Deuce, the troublemakers. And every time she gets dragged into the conflicts of the other dorms, she still manages to make more friends, and resolve conflicts in the process, leading to her becoming quite respected by the students she's met.

So when one of them tells her she's staring to fit in a little TOO well...she can't say she disagrees.

She slowly starts to lose the feeling she had of her stay at NRC only being temporary. She started to have fun, with her friends, losing herself in those small moments of joy, like seeing Ace and Deuce fight over something insignificant, or Grim fall asleep after stuffing himself on tuna and needing to carry him to bed herself, or just learning more about the worlds from its residents.

And somewhere along the way, she got very attached to the people in Twisted Wonderland she considered dear to her. And some of them got very attached to her too. ...Even one who initially tried not to.

She came to see Grim and Irina like family. Ace and Deuce as her best friends. And...she even fell in love for the first time.

But still...

Even though she's 19, that doesn't mean she still doesn't have moments where she just wants to hug her mom. Reminisces about memories with the people from her world she loves and misses.

So she's faced with a choice.

If she goes home, she loses Grim, Irina, Ace and Deuce forever. She loses Leona.

But she will never fully be able to explain that grief to anyone. Because no one would believe her when she told them why she disappeared for so long.

And she'll live forever knowing her troublemaking little cat and her big grumpy lion will go on without her, still remembering her. Knowing that she can never meet them again. And that no one would ever be able to understand.

Going back would feel like 'waking from a dream'. Going on pretending it really was a dream, not speaking of it...would feel like saying the experiences she had, the ways she grew, the people she grew to love, her bonds with them...that none of it mattered.

If she stays, she loses her mother, father, her siblings, grandparents, and her friends. People who have known her for her entire life; who hold memories-- parts of her-- even she herself has forgotten. Friends and family who will never know what happened to her, and go on forever fearing she was met with some kind of horrible fate.

And she can never become a history teacher, what she's wanted her entire life.

She can never experience any part of the culture she grew up in again. Not even the language; her mother tongue. For even if she has children, and she teaches it to them, if they don't carry it forward, it'll be forever lost.

How are you really supposed to go about making a choice like that?

Even though she knows what her gut is telling her to choose, isn't it a little too impulsive to just trust her gut in a situation like this?

She needs time to think. And she says as much.

Irina stays over at Diasomnia for a while, taking Grim with her, to give Tomoe space to think.

The expression on his face as she says bye for a little while tugs painfully at her heart.

And as she spends time for herself, just thinking, over the next few days, the realization hits her just how strange it feels that Leona isn't there either. That she has no one to spill her thoughts to. And she recalls all the times she'd thought aloud next to him, and they'd ended up bickering about something or other. Even though it might have been considered fighting...it always warmed her heart in the end.

She wondered if he felt the same way about her...if just her presence was enough to light up his day. She wasn't sure those words would apply...but she knew him well enough to know she'd become special to him, somehow. Even just the possibility that her leaving MIGHT make him feel like how she felt now...

As was usually the case, especially when one of the Ramshackle quartet was involved, a secret rarely stayed a secret for long at Night Raven.

And inevitably, word that the headmage had found a way home for the Prefect of Ramshackle dorm found its way to the lion's den.

And for the first time in a long, long time...he felt panic. Saw the vision of her slipping through his fingers like sand. Just imagining it he felt...so helpless...

And for once, he had trouble sleeping.

He remembered what life had been like before she arrived.

He didn't want to go back to it.

And he knew she liked him. He wasn't stupid. So maybe, just maybe...he might be able to convince her to reconsider.

...Yeah no, he himself could barely believe that. But what was he gonna do? Just let her go? No way. Not now. Not after she wormed her way into his heart like that.

How could she just not tell him what was going on in the first place?! To have found out from some rumor mill... He was pissed.

And desperate.

And so scared...worried he was too late. That she'd already made up her mind.

"It's...an impossible decision, really. I have people I love on both sides. But I've made up my mind now."

He thought his heart would stop. Or maybe it already had? His ears were more perked up than he'd ever had them before...she really had him acting like some damn prey animal.

"I'm going to stay."

Only when she said those words did he realize for how long he'd been holding his breath.

...She loved the people in both worlds just as much...but she'd realized what her priorities were. Caring for Grim, and being with Leona. It felt right, like what she was supposed to do.

Of course she still loved her family very, very much.

But if she went back home, she'd most likely be 'that one mysterious disappearance case who turned up again' for the rest of her life. Not to mention that she'd be the only one who knew what had happened in the months she'd been gone; no one else would ever believe her.

And she knew that her friends and family had each other. But Grim only really had her. And she wasn't going to just leave him.

She could always find a new way forward in life; new goals, new dreams. But people are irreplaceable.

Of course, there were still a lot of feelings she'd need to sort through. But there would be no matter what she chose...

He sighed.

"Damn Herbivore...gettin' me all worked up like that... You're lucky I—..."

Holding onto his hand, she leans her cheek against his palm, closing her eyes and nuzzling against him.

"I know."

"I love you too."

"Tch. Don't go gettin' all sappy on me..." But he still leaned his forehead against hers. "...Tomoe."

She was his pillow for a long time after that. More than she usually was because this time he didn't just use her lap as a pillow, but her entire body.

He really had underestemated her. She was the first person to ever scare him. To ever make him feel desperate. The first to make him vulnerable.

Every weak link, jagged edge and hard surface...but also every spot of warmth, shining light, and gentle curve.

Seeing all that he is, good and bad...and loving every part just the same.

Even if she gets annoyed when he refuses let her get up in the morning and makes her late to class, or flicks his tail in her face when he's upset, or bosses her around telling her to make him dinner while he freeloads on the kitchen counter.

She loves that too. Because it's just like him. And every quirk and habit is proof of him, and his presence in her life.

And of course, she makes sure to get back at him, too.

Chat why am I crying—

BUT I'M FINALLY DONE

Tag list: @another-random-paradise @thehollowwriter @faefum @cactus13-rolloflammesimp @beneathsakurashade

@nyx-of-night @theolivetree123 @babyghoul138 @skibidibabygirl @screamintoad

@gingacat @buttholesparkles @scinti1llat3 @gimmeurmoneyagh @angelwishess

@crimsonrose34

Please let me know if you ever wanna be added or removed! ^^

[whoreofabaddon]

I apologize somewhat insincerely for the pause in my regular posting, but I'm about to talk in depth about some of the power dynamics we see at play in IwtV.

Particularly, something that has been weighing on my mind is this post by @platoapproved in which we see Louis lightly stroking the bruises of Armand's trauma. Despite the fact the OP caught those hints so amazingly, the reblogs turn into an absolute cesspool in which there are many baffling accusations. So I wanted to touch on this from the perspective of someone who has both been in multiple D/s relationships (albeit as a lesbian and not a gay man) and is also a psychotherapist so trained in trauma responses.

The first thing I wanted to say is that we’re never given any reason to believe Louis is anything but a compassionate and skilled dominant partner. There are no moments portrayed between them where he oversteps any of Armand’s boundaries or where he uses their dynamic for manipulative purposes. We’re actually shown the opposite of that in the scenes where their power exchange come into play. He soothes Armand’s trepidation around setting boundaries and doesn’t force him to witness a new vampire being made. The one time we see Louis truly push Armand to accept a command is when he’s preventing him from killing Daniel, and even then, he validates that he’s hurt Armand enough to understand why he wants to. 

Similarly, we’re actually never shown Armand pushing Louis to take part in that dynamic when he doesn’t want to like so many keep claiming. I suspect that it was actually thrilling for Louis to meet a vampire older and more powerful than his maker, only to find that vampire would willingly allow him to have the control and authority between them. After having spent years in an abusive relationship, it must have seemed to be a gesture of great love to be shown such deference after Lestat had treated him so cruelly and disrespectfully. 

If anything it’s likely healing due to the change in the pattern. And that, I think, is also what is happening when we see Louis begin to draw from Armand’s history of trauma and introduce that into their dynamic. I fully believe he is playing with this dangerous subject because it is something Armand has never finished processing; he's such a trusted figure in Armand's life that it is safe for them to do this together. Armand's not been able to complete the loop of thoughts surrounding his abusive childhood, and so his mind is going to replay it over and over and seek out ways to ‘master’ it. That means his brain has to be convinced that he’s ‘solved’ the issue and the risk is abated. So he is going to keep returning to it or desperately avoiding it, and Armand’s patterns lean towards pursuing the subject matter over and over. The fact that it is Louis drawing on the memories means he knows he’s able to have the freedom of changing the ending; he goes ‘to coffin’ with his maitre at the end, he’s not truly given away for someone else’s sexual pleasure, and the fear and humiliation is touched on but ends before it can get worse. This time the offer is declined, this time he can reply snappily ("I wouldn't let you near my neck..."), and this time he doesn’t have the horrible emotional push-pull of ‘how dare you do as I tell you’ which Marius tended to use against him. (I also think Louis is referencing Armand’s blood being addictive to Daniel in the books, but that’s another layer to explore at a later time).

So I’ll say that, unlike some commenters, I don’t think it’s ‘ugly’ that Louis is mirroring aspects of Marius’ behaviors. Instead, I think the vulnerability and trust that it would require for them to successfully do this shows something very beautiful about the way they relate to each other.  

(Mandatory disclaimer that I am not suggesting that everyone ought to drop out of therapy and process their trauma using an untrained partner and kink. There is a high chance that you can trigger your partner. I am simply illustrating the psychology and perceived intentions at play and why this could feel satisfying to the characters).  And tagging @thequeenofsastiel for the promised meta.

[theshadowsingersraven]

I'm just going to explain something real quick because the inability to grasp this is very amusing to me. I want to break down exactly how it is that a character can be toxic in one relationship, but not another.

Let's make some characters. We'll call them Character A, B, C, and D. Character A has trauma surrounding love/feeling like they're worthy of love and struggles with self-image. Character A pined over someone long-term in an unhealthy, one-sided dynamic, likely due to their own unconscious self-sabotage and tendencies to set impossible standards for themselves.

Character A is drawn to Character C, and the feeling is mutual. They might want to pursue a relationship. Character C is in an arranged marriage with Character D, and by all accounts, Character D has done their absolute best to do right by Character C. Even if Character C doesn't seem interested in making the relationship work currently, there's still reason to believe that might change. After all, there's plenty of circumstances that could bring them together and give Character C a chance to see aspects of Character D that they never considered before.

So, given Character A's struggle with believing they're worthy of love, even if they decide to be in a relationship with Character C, and Character C doesn't pursue things with Character D...wouldn't it make sense for Character A to feel at least a little unnerved by Character C's arranged marriage? It's not currently possible to get a divorce, so Character D is still somewhat present. Character D is often away, but Character A and Character D work for the same overall organization, though not in the same branch.

It would be reasonable to suspect or even actively anticipate that this could trigger Character A's trauma and insecurities because of this obstacle unique to Character C's circumstances. Of course, Character A still needs to do the work on their own time to unpack their trauma, but it's probably easier to do without a constant, underlying sense of unease that they could be left for Character D.

It's harder to heal when you're in a dynamic that actively aggravates your specific wounds, even if it's not any specific Character's fault. Character A might doubt their self-worth more, and that could make Character C feel frustrated or suffocated because they might be in a position where they have to spend more time reassuring Character A that they won't leave them for Character D instead of actively being together.

It's even harder when the other characters around Character A and Character C are surrounded by two other couples in arranged marriages that made it work. In fact, the party responsible for arranging these marriages has a pretty solid record of making good arrangements, though there's definitely been some bad reviews and bad experiences. So, there's even more reason for Character A to suspect that Character C will leave them.

Character A doesn't really have particularly good coping mechanisms either. Character A works themselves to death, and might even avoid Character C out of fear of getting attached to something doomed to fail. Character C might be hurt by this. Or, Character A might do the converse and work extra hard to make sure Character C is happy enough not to leave them for Character D. And that's probably exhausting in and of itself, but what about Character C? What if they start to feel suffocated or like they don't have the space they need for their own independence because of Character's A trauma being triggered by their specific circumstances?

It sounds like there's a lot of potential for toxicity between Character A and Character C, but not something necessarily inherent to their specific persons. It's a circumstancial issue.

So, if we look at Character B, who might be a romance interest for Character A, that aggravating factor doesn't exist. There's no threat that triggers Character A. So, Character A isn't unnerved, nor is Character B suffocated or having to reassure Character A that their fears won't come to fruition. Instead, Character A can focus on healing their trauma, and Character B can support them while on their own healing journey, too.

I'm sure plenty of people already understand this to be the case, but for those who didn't before--congratulations! You now understand why Azriel is, in fact, potentially toxic in a relationship with Elain but not with Gwyn.

And that's what you missed on Glee.

[sanjoongie]

Library of Illusions~ Horror Section

Better Run~

📚Part Two for the Library Of Illusions Event

📚Pairing: Slasher bf! Wooyoung x Exception! Reader (f)

📚Genre: Fantasy au, Horror au, established relationship

📚Warnings: mentions of blades, corpses, blood, dirty talk, prey/predator dynamics, penetrative sex with no barrier, sub!woo, dom! Reader, knife play, blood kink, begging, creampie, f&m orgasm

📚Word Count: 4,075

📚Rating: 18+ MDNI, smut, DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH OR HAVE TROUBLE WITH DARK THEMES

📚Summary: Upon entering the horror section, you are drawn into a reality where your boyfriend is a serial killer and he likes to play hide and go fuck

📚Dedication: @mejuii & @downtoamagicalland the best beta readers a writer could bribe have

↫Introduction ↭ MasterList ↭ The Fantasy Section↬

You let your fingertips run across the bookspine's of the Horror section. You had learned from the broken places of reality in your world that using your other senses was very helpful. You waited for a familiar tingling to run up your arm and you knew you had picked the scenario that matched with you the best. You did have to play the guardian of this section's game in order to get the key.

You pulled the book off the shelf that said "Slasher Boyfriend" and opened the book. The book shot out of your hand and landed on the floor upright, pages quickly flipping until it stopped in the middle. The book grew bigger and bigger until it was larger than the size of a door. The inside of the book was transparent, as if it was a simmering portal. The details were somewhat fuzzy but you swore you could see wooden panel walls and floors, a hallway stretching out and a window at the end. In the window, lightning flashed. 

You also couldn't ignore the feeling like you were being watched. Was it the guardian of horror? Was it another guardian? Seonghwa? You shook your head. You couldn't be swayed from your purpose. You strode purposely forward into the book and when you entered it snapped shut and shrank. It neatly was lifted, by nothing a human could perceive, and found its spot back on the shelf. You were a part of the story now. For better or for worse.

Once inside the book, your clothes changed. You were wearing a long t-shirt that fell mid thigh with thigh highs and sneakers. A choker was snug on your throat. You had a cell phone, something from the old world that hadn't worked in a long time. It was both familiar and not. 

Your phone buzzed and you brought the screen up to read. The light illuminated your face as your eyes scanned the text.

You unlocked your phone to text back to this Wooyo that he sounded a bit delusional when the screen now showed a news article as the last thing you were looking at on your phone. You quickly scanned it and felt your heartbeat skyrocket. Masked killer takes his fifth victim, no leads yet to any suspects, citizens worried for their safety. 

Wooyo: Remember the rules!

Wooyo: 1- try to run and hide

Wooyo: 2- try not to make a sound

Wooyo: 3- If I find you, i get to fuck you ~<3

Wooyo: 4- Love you

Was the killer and Wooyoung one and the same? And why was he calling you Babe? Were you his… Your hand came up to the choker you were wearing and felt along the front. W O O Y-- Your hand dropped. You most definitely were Wooyoung's girlfriend and Wooyoung was a serial killer. You had to remember, this was a horror book.

Wooyo: Your heartbeat sensor is going off the charts

Wooyo: are you scared?

Wooyo: or horny?

Wooyo: Baaaaaaabe 😘

Your feet shot forward before you really knew what you were doing. The window was actually in the center of a stairwell. You could go down or you could go up. You thought perhaps if Wooyoung was thorough, he would start from the bottom so that might give you more time if you went upstairs. You ran up the stairs and winced as your footsteps made resounding noises. That wasn't going to help hiding but you needed speed right now. 

Wooyo: I'm gonna count down now!

Wooyo: 3

Wooyo: 2

Wooyo: 1

Wooyo: Run!

When you arrived at the top floor, you quickly realized your mistake. This house was old. The second level had been full of doors that led to other rooms but the top level was simply an attic. There were less places for you to hide. The thunder came before the lightning, causing you to squeal in surprise and you slapped your hand over your mouth.

"Oh little mouse, where could you be~" A high pitched, gleeful voice came from the lower level.

Your stomach dropped. Shit, how close was Wooyoung? How were you to win the key? Did you need to hide perfectly and not be caught by your killer boyfriend? Or was the point to get… you swallowed, heartbeat loud in your ears. Was the point to play out this game of hide and seek and then for this killer to fuck you? Was this really what you picked for yourself?

You scrambled into a large wardrobe, pushing heavy clothes out of the way and pushing your back up against the end of the wooden furniture. You were breathing hard and almost squealed again when your phone buzzed in your hand. You had to turn that off or Wooyoung was going to find you!

You pulled back open the article that you had read and found several more. The weird part was… the first victim was never found. There was an empty house in the article, commenting about how they found blood of the victim but no body. That was weird. Each victim afterwards was seemingly random. A butler from a rich CEO's house, a maid from a cleaning service, a gardener who was famous in the community, a comedian who had been touring… nothing seemed to connect them and it frustrated the police greatly.

Wooyo: I wonder

Wooyo: did you stay on the second floor or did you go to the top?

Wooyo: don't make it too easy for me

Wooyo: you know I love a good chase.

You were so concerned with the articles on the phone that you didn't notice that your surroundings had been illuminated. A face with an odd grin was beside you. You screamed and jumped out of the wardrobe. The body fell out and you had trouble calming yourself down. How the hell had you not noticed an entire corpse in the wardrobe with you?

You shot back down the stairs to the second level and desperately attempted to wretch open a door but every one you checked was locked. You suppressed the need to shout in frustration. You just needed one door to open, please!--

Wooyo: did you find the joker?

Wooyo: only dummies hide in the wardrobe, babe

Wooyo: are you a dummy?

You fell into the next room, having used your entire weight to push against the door since none of them were opening. You felt a surge of relief when you saw two forms in the dark room but took a step back when the lightning lit up the room. There were two figures, one dressed as a butler and another a maid. The maid was bent over with a feather duster tied to her hand and the butler was directly behind her, hands at her hips, almost like-- you tried not to laugh, you knew they were dead, but that was a clear comical moment… if not for the fact that it was dead bodies playing it out.

Your eyes went over the room. It was also big and grand. You cursed your luck. Clearly this was some sort of drawing room or parlor that the 'maid' was dusting. You could hide under the clawfoot couch but you could practically hear Wooyoung mocking you. That simply wasn't good enough. There was a connecting door, so you ran towards that. You softly closed the door behind you as you heard the other door open. 

"Oh, Babe," Wooyoung sounded teasing at this moment. "Did you go to the perverted room too? Did you giggle? I bet you giggled."

Your heart was beating in your throat again. You had barely missed Wooyoung. You were in a computer room. It had many screens. Was this Wooyoung's headquarters? How did that make sense for you to be able to get in here? Unless… that's where Wooyoung had wanted you to go? Was he helping you or was he leading you down a path that he had pre-determined? No wonder he hadn't been caught by the police. Your eyes spotted a greenhouse in one of the screens and thought that was a perfect place to hide. You scurried out of the monitoring room and dashed down the stairs.

You could hear singing as you passed a door and it sent a shiver down your spine. Oh where oh where could my baby be? was a line from Pearl Jam’s song Last Kiss. The fact that Wooyoung was singing it as he looked for you was beyond fucked up but he was, after all, a serial killer. But he was your serial killer…?

The greenhouse was connected to the main house but the door to enter it was so goddamn squeaky, you might as well have texted Wooyoung your location. Dedicated now, you plunged into the foliage of the greenhouse, looking for some shrubbery to dive into. There was a plant with large leaves that gave you the perfect hiding spot. You curled up into a ball and pulled the larger leaves over your head and waited.

And waited. And waited. Where the hell was Wooyoung?

Your breath caught in your throat. Was he here and you didn't even know it? And who was the gardener? This could be another trick but… you didn't think it was a good idea to make Wooyoung mad. He was the guardian of the horror section after all. 

Wooyo: >:[

Wooyo: you didn't even admire the gardener

You moved aside a leaf and peered around the greenhouse. Then your eyes saw another figure. This one had a pair of shears but they were pointed towards its neck. Your hand moved to touch your neck but was impaired by Wooyoung's collar on you. It was as if the gardener was cutting his own head off. You shuddered. This really was like a horror movie.

"Better run."

You shot off as soon as the high pitched giggles followed that sentence. You couldn't afford to look back but you knew Wooyoung had been right behind you. What kind of game was he playing?

"Run fast little mouse!~" Wooyoung called after you. 

You ran back into the house and found yourself in the kitchen. There was a butcher's block on the island that was calling out to you. You could grab a knife, you could defeat the guardian you, could--Remember the rules! If I find you, I get to fuck you.

You turned around and ignored the butcher's block. Wooyoung ran into the kitchen, breathless and laughing and then abruptly stopped. The dark haired man cocked his head, covered by a mask. It had LED lights for eyes and a mouth. There were question marks where his eyes were and a slash for his mouth. 

"Babe?"

You swallowed and gathered all the courage you had in your erratically beating heart and spoke what you knew was the way to win the game. "You found me, Wooyoung."

The LED mask showed a pout. "But I wanted to chase you more!"

"Wooyoung," You couldn't help but let your voice waver even though you wanted to sound firm, "You know the rules."

Wooyoung pulled out a switchblade, playing with whipping the blade in and out. "Just one more chase. If you run to our room and touch the doorknob before I can get you, I won't cut you tonight. Just like how you want it."

Your hand subconsciously began to run over your arm. Memories of Wooyoung flashed through your mind. Nights where Wooyoung would fuck you and cut you and lick his knife and lick your cunt and-- "Alright," You agreed, "But no mask. I want to see your handsome face."

The LED mask made a sighing face but Wooyoung pushed it up and it sat on the top of his head. His onyx eyes glinted with mischief and mayhem. "I'm going to fuck you so hard when I catch you. I can't wait to hear you screaming my name."

You felt your panties wetten and you knew that was exactly what you wanted. You wanted Wooyoung to chase you, to take you down and fuck you in victory. You could feel in your brain that even though Wooyoung cut you and fucked you, at least he wasn't killing anyone else. You could shoulder this burden. After all, you loved him, didn't you? Maybe you were a little fucked up too.

You started to slowly pull up the oversized t-shirt you had on. Your thighs were revealed and eventually your underwear as well. Wooyoung's eyes followed the ascent, the tip of his tongue playing with the freckle on his lip. "Come and catch me," You purred and then you were gone. 

Your sneakers squeaked as your stride ate up the ground. Noise wasn't an issue any longer so you pulled down items behind you, making obstacles for Wooyoung to jump over and dodge. He cackled behind you. If you were being honest, you felt like your heart was about to escape through your ass but the adrenaline and lust pumping through your veins spurned you on. You raced up the stairs to get to the second level. You were so close. You just had to reach the door at the end of the hall on the right to win. 

"Don't you want my blade to kiss you too, Babe?" Wooyoung taunted behind you.

You dug into the last little bit of energy you had, raising your knees high so that you could run to your greatest potential. The door was getting closer and closer. You reached out your hand, desperate to gain some control over this situation, slowly losing your own mind as you got sucked deeper into the narrative. Shit.

Wooyoung's body slammed into you from behind and then your hand touched the doorknob. He had both his palms on either side of your head, breathing heavily in your ear. "I won, little mouse."

Your nipples were so hard with just the small phrase. You let your body rest against his, attempting to catch your breath as well. "Are you gonna fuck me now, Mister Serial Killer?"

Wooyoung chuckled. "You get so wet when we play our little games, don’t you?"

You raised your hands above your head and Wooyoung's, pulling his head down so that you could kiss him. "It’s why we play them, is it not," You murmured against his lips.

"I got wet too," Wooyoung responded, eyes heavy-lidded.

“You gonna fuck me with your wet, pretty dick, Woo?” You cooed, “Right up against this door where you caught me?”

Wooyoung whined loudly, his lower half pressing heavily into your back side. “Can I? Please? I really want to.”

“Where’s your knife?” You breathed out lightly. “You know how this always starts.” Wooyoung’s switch blade came out without hesitation. “What are the rules?” You said in a sing-song voice.

“No deep cuts,” Wooyoung recounted, teeth pulling your earlobe cheekily before responding with the others, “Avoid the wrists and bends of your arm. I can lick the knife as long as I’m still fucking you.”

“...and?” You intoned.

“And?” Wooyoung’s voice went higher in question, his other hand firm on your hip, keeping you in place as he dry humped you from behind. “Aaaaaaaand…?”

“Poor Baby,” You tutted, “Already brain dumb and we haven’t even started yet?”

“And!” Wooyoung said with triumph coating his tongue, “You come first, then I do.”

“That’s right!” You felt a twisted smile pulling at your lips. Wooyoung may be in control the majority of the time you spent with him, but in the bedroom, he had to follow your rules, otherwise he didn’t get access to your wet cunt. And Wooyoung ALWAYS wanted access to your wet cunt.

“You can begin then, Woo.”

The next few minutes were a flurry of activity. Wooyoung was pulling up your oversized t-shirt, tugging your panties down your legs, helping you step out of them, pulling your ass out a bit more, adjusting your feet and then he sank into you without resistance. He chuckled at the fact that your pussy took him so well. 

Then the cutting began. Wooyoung would whisk his knife quickly and you always felt the pain before you saw the knife cut you. Superficial cuts sprang up on your arms as Wooyoung thrusted into you from behind. He would pause to lick the knife, groaning at the taste of your blood, and then grunt as he continued to fuck you from behind.

“So good,” Wooyoung whined. Whether he was talking about his pretty dick inside of you or your blood, you didn’t know, but as long as Wooyoung was happy, you were safe.

“Feels good inside of me, baby?” You wondered, feeling the slow furl of lust in your lower stomach.

“Your pussy is so warm and so wet and so good,” Wooyoung babbled, “Much better than when I stick my hand in a--”

“Wooyoung!” You cut him off before he could say something too fucked up. You grabbed his free hand and brought it up your breast. “Play with me,” You whined, looking to distract him.

Wooyoung moaned and dropped his knife. Both of his hands cupped your breasts through your shirt, rolling your nipples between his thumb and forefinger. You groaned for more and he pulled up your shirt so that he could touch skin against skin. He pulled and pinched your nipples, all the while still thrusting from behind. 

You found a rhythm, pushing your ass back against his thrusts, feeling satisfied as skin slapped against skin, the tip of his dick rubbing the spongy part inside of you. His tongue found a cut on your shoulder that his knife had already shredded your t-shirt as well, and he played with the wound there, rough tongue rubbing against the cut. He whimpered and you could tell he was getting close.

“I can--” Wooyoung choked on a moan, “I can cum inside of you, pretty?” He asked.

“You gonna give me a pretty cream pie, Woo? You wanna drip out of me, hmmm?”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes,” Wooyoung chanted, his voice pitching higher and higher as his climax approached.

“And the rules, baby?” You cooed.

Wooyoung cried out in frustration and slowed down his thrusting. “Why aren’t you cumming?!”

“I don’t know, Wooyoung, why aren’t I cumming?” You purred dangerously.

Wooyoung whined. “I’m doing good, aren’t I? I'm fucking your pussy good, right?”

“Maybe you don’t want me to cum before you. Maybe you want to fill me up but leave me feeling empty. Maybe you don’t love me enough,” You said woefully.

“No!” Wooyoung insisted, somewhat brattily, “I love you a lot, you know. A lot a lot. Forever and ever.”

“Then you’re gonna make me cum, like a good baby does?” You said in a sickly-sweet voice.

“Yes,” He said with determination. 

Wooyoung pulled out of you and you heard him groaning. You quickly checked over your shoulder and he was using his index and thumb to run up and down his cock before stuffing you again. Then he reached around your body and began to pinch and play with your clit.

“Fuck, Wooyoung,” You cried out, “That’s it, baby, just like that.”

“Yeah, you like when I play with your clitty and fuck you from behind, don’t you?” Wooyoung growled, “Love it when I chase you, love it when I push you down and fuck you raw. You love when I pound into this pussy, don’t you, little mouse?”

A shudder went through your body, goosebumps littered your skin and you came. You came hard, gasping for air. You moaned loudly, although it didn’t matter, did it, considering there was no one else in the house but you, Wooyoung and a few corpses. 

Wooyoung didn’t stop as your climax ripped through you. He pounded into you from behind, just like he described, searching out his own release. And when he did, the glorious whimpers and whines that tumbled from his dirty mouth were like music to your ears. His fingers dug deeply into your hip, most likely leaving finger bruises there but you didn’t care. Spurt after spurt of his cum released inside of you and you managed to feel full after all. And when he pulled out, you could feel your still fluttering walls pushing his cum out.

Wooyoung patted your butt affectionately. "You play well, pretty."

The air tensed, warping and stretching and suddenly it snapped and you were no longer in the dollhouse that serial killer Wooyoung had created. You were back in the Horror Section, with the tense feeling that someone was watching.

"Woo…Wooyoung?" You were back in the original clothes you had donned upon arriving at the library. But Wooyoung was no longer in the baggy sweater and jeans he had been sporting when he had been chasing you through the mansion. He had on tight leather pants, a sleeveless shirt and an epaulet with gloves. 

"We're back in the library, you did it." Wooyoung raised both eyebrows and sent you a winning grin. "I'll give you your key now."

"I did it?" Thoughts of your serial killer boyfriend still swirled in your brain, interfering with thoughts of a key and the treasure and-- you rubbed your temples. This was not going to be easy to do five more times.

Wooyoung crossed his arms over his chest and frowned, portraying the opposite of what he was about to say: "I haven't had that much fun in awhile, actually."

You cocked your head curiously. "Then why the frown?"

 Wooyoung shook his head. "It's nothing." His tongue began to play with the freckle on his lip and you wondered how much of Wooyoung the demon had been in Wooyoung the Slasher Boyfriend… "Wanna play again? There's a tentacle horror over here and I--"

You laughed nervously. "No offense Wooyoung, but I kind of have other sections to conquer."

Wooyoung looked dejected but good spirited about it. "I suppose you're right." 

Wooyoung moved to the bookshelf and pulled out the Slasher Boyfriend novel. When he opened it, in the center of the novel was a mini version of the LED mask that he had sported in your story. It had heart eyes and a kissy lips face. He tugged it out of the book and offered it to you. "Here's your prize. You earned it."

You gently took it from him and couldn't help but shiver again, remnants of Wooyoung chasing you and fucking you still clinging to your brain. You swore you could feel his switchblade kissing your skin as you spoke. "Thank you," You said in a squeaky voice.

Wooyoung cackled, the same he released while chasing you. "Oh, I am going to miss you, little mouse."

You left the horror section and made your way back to the heart of the library. Seonghwa was back at his desk, feet still up on it, but this time with a book over his face. It had flowers climbing up its spine but that was all the details you could see at this moment. 

You slammed your hand on the desk and Seonghwa sat upright immediately. When he pulled the book off his face, his mouth made a small 'o' before he blanked his face. "You're still here."

You put down the mini LED mask and pushed it across the desk to Seonghwa. "There's my first key, Keeper."

Seonghwa took the tiny mask and lifted an eyebrow at you. "And Wooyoung’s at that. Very impressive, human."

"Thanks," You said sarcastically, "Try to not fall asleep while I get my next one, demon."

Seonghwa sputtered in response to your sass, "I'll have you know I am a centuries old demon! Where is your respect for me, human?!"

But you were already walking away from him. "I'll respect you the minute you call me something other than the degrading human you insist on."

With one hand in your pocket, another jauntily waving, you made your way back amongst the stacks of books, looking for your next section to overcome. You were curious if you had to seduce another demon or not…

The next section that snagged your attention was one that sounded of twinkling magic and horseshoes clomping on cobblestone. There, in beautiful cursive and simmering rainbows, was the sign saying "Fantasy". You could barely contain your excitement. Fantasy had been one of your favorite genres growing up. Surely this quest would be a walk in the park!

Tag list: @yoonguurt @hijirikaww @flowerboykun @starillusion13 @flurrys-creativity @kitten4sannie @a-soft-hornytiny

Library staff: @kwanisms @thelargefrye @anyamaris @stardragongalaxy @kpop-stories-21

↫Introduction ↭ MasterList ↭ The Fantasy Section↬

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

brainrot over mlb again someone has probably already done this, sorry if that's true. also pre-emptive warning for intentional unhealthy dynamics but anyway: standard kwamiswap AU with Marinette getting Plagg and Adrien getting Tikki But along with this, it also posits that Marinette has always been "unlucky", and Adrien has always been "lucky". The AU then focuses on playing with the idea of this, making you suspect it's untrue, but then worry it really is true, exploring the implications of it, questioning if "destiny" is real or not, pointing out that sometimes "luck" is subjective, etc, etc. It's now specified that the bakery is struggling and Marinette's kinda poor, and she often kind of feels paranoid it's her fault (even though her parents have never actually told her this), or at least that they'd do better if it wasn't for her. They also often have less time and energy for her as a result of having to work harder to keep above water, which she unfortunately sometimes can't help but take the wrong way. Her misfortune also is what feeds into her need to plan everything, know people's schedules, and generally be a people pleaser. And with it cutting into funding for her fashion hobbies, and with her receiving less positive reinforcement and attention in the first place, she's just... generally sadder and less fulfilled than canon. Adrien meanwhile still lost his mom, but it's the standard "happened right after you got mad and wanted something bad to happen" setup, and now it's another part of why he's always so nice to people, because part of him is still subconsciously worried that he actually *can* influence bad things to happen to people just by hoping for it. Which has also progressed into a general recurrent anxiety over his lifestyle in general, and a fear that being rich at all is depriving and harming others. I also feel like they have altered hero personas and dynamics as a result of all this too Like Lady Noir steadily becomes kind of a show off, previously starved for praise and attention, and has somewhat more of a temper and a mean streak, due to using Lady Noir to unbottle her frustrations with her life. She also kinda resents Mr. Bug (btw, my placeholder rename for him is Scarlet) at first out of envy, especially because at first she kinda feels hurt and insulted by the idea of now having to be the "destructive" hero of "misfortune". Which progresses into a tsundere kinda deal where she's in love, but would rather explode than admit it (in part because she's terrified that if she admits to it and acts on it, she'll just fuck it up anyway) Scarlet still jokes and quips, but Lady Noir's increased volatility kinda taught him to back off early on, and the vibe is more like "concerned for her/trying to cheer her up" than "in love with her". He's also more pacifistic than Chat, and generally a bit more cautious and not as outwardly carefree about heroism in general, because of his increased anxiety about not wanting to make anyone suffer. It's honestly kinda toxic at first, because Lady Noir starts taking the lead (specifically *Scarlet's* idea in the first place, to try and help her loosen up and feel more confident), only for this to kinda backfire on Scarlet, because she becomes kind of bossy and starts blaming him when things go wrong, to protect her own ego. Then, the civilian relationship's also changed in a way that contrasts it. This version of Marinette is... technically into Adrien, but not pursuing or even properly realizing it, because she's so deeply convinced she doesn't deserve him that she represses the hell out of it. But Adrien kinda compensates, because he still feels a similar compulsion to try to cheer her up as Marinette too, especially because Chloe's mean to her, so that makes him feel indirectly guilty because he's Chloe's friend

So the civilian dynamic, ironically, is that they bond much faster, and Marinette follows him around like a meek, docile, undyingly loyal puppy, and will do *anything* he says. But it's *still* kinda unhealthy this way too, even though he's always nice to her. She gets it in her head that he's the only one who can "cancel out" her bad luck, making her get needier and clingier (while also being guilty about it, but not able to stop) And meanwhile, he gets kinda overprotective and smothery, while being the first one to get feelings for her. Partly because caring for her is something he chose for himself, and gives him a sense of actual purpose, compared to his disillusionment with his other responsibilities, partly because she makes him feel special for more than just his status or the stuff he has. So yeah, it DOES all get better, but it's Definitely a "gets worse before it gets better" kinda thing (at the very least, there comes a point where realizing that she's kinda being like Chloe is enough to snap Lady Noir out of the way she treats Scarlet)

[everythingthatsgoingon]

I was just thinking that given that Lila/Cerise is going to be a/the main antagonist in the future, it's a good thing that the Miraculous team now seem to have Félix on their side (and in their friend group too I suppose) as he might be the only one who will be able to see through her future's alias lies.

I mean, sure Marinette saw through her the first time, but not only was her jealousy over Adrien a major factor, she also knew for a fact that Lila didn't know Ladybug.

Similarly, Adrien, being Chat Noir, could find it suspect that Ladybug would be friend with a civilan, let alone one who talked about it so freely. What's more, while he might be a bit naive at times, his fame has him used to liars up to a point.

The rest of their friends though all seem pretty willing to trust her. I guess the only odd-one-out is Luka who I believe never interacted with her.

If she goes with more subtle lies, the way I seem to remember she did with Kagami, not lies about extraordinary achievements or famous acquaintances, but lies or implicit suggestions about interpersonal relationships, I'm not sure any if the Miraculous holders will see through it.

Félix might be the only exception in my eyes. While he seems to be somewhat sheltered, like Adrien and Kagami, and thus not the best when it comes to social cues and conventions, he is the most wary, the one most used to fend for himself. He is naturally suspicious where Adrien would give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm not sure if his Miraculous might give him an additional advantage (make him some kind of empath), but that's also something to keep in mind. His own acting skill might be, to our knowledge, limited to imitating his cousin, but his skills as a magician might help him catch Lila/Cerise red-handed at some point. And he has shown an ability to come up with ambitious plans and to achieve his goals through a variety of means that only Lila/Cerise can rival with so far.

The rest of them are just too "innocent".

Though Luka could also be a candidate, due to his "empath" music skills.

For both of them though, there is the question of how much interaction they might actually have with Lila/Cerise as they have been rather secondary characters so far. And the show seems to stubbornly only focus on Marinette/Ladybug, and Adrien/Chat Noir to a lesser extent. The start of a new villain arc would be a great time to change the dynamic, but I'm not very optimistic regarding the probability of this actually happening (this is a kids' show with a vested (economic) interest to keep focusing on the friendly heroine and her cool & gentlemanly sidekick, rather than the deeper, somewhat ambivalent secondary characters).

In the end I wouldn't be surprised if they have Marinette being the one to see through her because of Lila/Cerise's animosity towards her and Ladybug. Possibly with Adrien/Chat Noir being taken advantage of, with the true circumstances of his father's death being kept from him by Ladybug, and Lila/Cerise telling him the truth or something close to it, plus not having "been there to save his father" and him still being just "one of the (Miraculous) team" getting to him.

If they are going to stick to Marinette and Adrien instead of giving a bigger role to secondary characters, let's hope they at least make it somewhat interesting by having Marinette completely falling for the "new girl's" friendly attitude and Adrien being the suspicious one.

But yeah, fingers crossed for more Félix screen time (he's definitely the most interesting character so far, toeing the line between "good and bad") and him being key to "defeating" Lila/Cerise. And in general to more "mature" storylines than what we've had so far. And/or more realistic ones.

[yinyuedijun]

bluebird chapter 2 warnings and explanation (cw teenage sexuality, child sexual abuse)

hi everyone, bluebird chapter 2 deals pretty heavily with themes of teenage sexuality and csa. there is no onscreen csa or underage sex in this chapter, BUT there are extremely uncomfortable and explicit discussions about sex between teenagers, sometimes with reference to literal children. a lot of this takes place in a high school context where gross teenage boys are just doing things like rating girls, or teenage girls are just talking about their crushes on upperclassmen, but a lot of this also happens in the context of the foster system and the near-absence of social support experienced by the two protagonists of the story, who are both orphans.

now, as creating fiction about underage sexuality and csa is essentially the most cancellable offense of fandom (lol), I do feel compelled to explain my intent here. bluebird exists in conversation with the canon csm material, which is somewhat infamous for featuring a cringe 16y/o orphan boy who starts out obsessed with having sex, spends entire manga chapters trying to touch women's breasts, and is groomed by an older woman into risking his life for her agenda. I hope this is not surprising, but as this fic features two orphan teenagers who eventually fall under the control of this same older woman, these dynamics and themes become pretty much inescapable in this fic. underage sex, dubious consent, and grooming have been warnings on this fic since day 1 for a reason. this chapter is setting the stage for all of that.

I am building the narrative this way because the reader character of this fic is intended to be somewhat of a foil to denji. she is sexually impressionable and anxious because of her lack of support network (something I am trying to get at with this chapter), eventually gets groomed (unfortunately, she does not dodge the bullets that denji does in canon), and becomes hypersexual and heavily controlled by sex because of her circumstances (aka where denji could have easily ended up). after this initial descent into misery, the plan is to create an arc where she finds a family and develops meaningful, non-sexual relationships that allow her to heal - not too different from csm proper.

I actually don't know how much I will continue this fic. I suspect this chapter will be badly received because of the two-year gap in updates AND the cringe teenage behaviour rip. the writing is also not the best and two years of struggling over it has not changed that SDLKFSKDFJ. this actually makes it worse - without having the full context of the fic, I worry that someone out there is going to read this chapter and be like "huh why is this author so focused on teenagers/children having sex with each other? what a creep!" so I am posting this note to give full context as to why this chapter is the way that it is lol.

thanks for reading!

[karatekels]

Mediation - Chapter 7 - TIGmas Day #9

Welcome to the continuation of the transition from "I don't know karatekels, this may be a bit farfetched" to "oh, this is obviously just crack fiction to get two TIG characters to bone the same woman".

And YES, I've accepted that and I hope you all enjoy this very convenient, likely unrealistic plot. Or maybe I'm crazy and you think it works? Let me know!

Previous Parts: Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

---

Mediation

Chapter 7: Reconciliation

---

Cash’s POV:

The uncomfortable silence brought on by your departure stretches on, neither man willing to be the first to break it. Terry’s body is still somewhat turned towards him, but he stubbornly refuses to look Cash in the eye.

Cash, meanwhile, is still reeling from the new information that has come to light in the past hour or so. Learning that Terry’s adamant refusal to hear him out over the years wasn’t because he hated Cash himself, but because the betrayal had shaken him to his core has Cash lamenting the other man’s stubbornness. All this time, Cash thought that Terry had been angry with him, but in reality he was mainly angry with himself, at the changes that the hurt Cash had caused had drawn out of him. Knowing that the younger man had resorted to excessive force – and to the point that cases had been dismissed because of his mishandling of suspects – after years of being a compassionate cop by his side was particularly disturbing. That wasn’t the Terry McCain he’d known, the one close enough to be a brother to him.

And then there was you.

Cash knows that you aren’t in love with him the way you are with Terry. He isn’t overly bothered by it; your relationship was still far too new for either of you to be in love with one another. But to hear from your own pretty mouth that you felt enough for him that you were unable to choose between him and Terry, that you needed them both in your life…

Well, that has him happier than he can remember being since before he went to prison.

Sure, it may have complicated things between the three of you even more than their already twisted dynamic, but for the first time in over half a decade, someone firmly wanted him in their life. Of course, the sex had been amazing, but there were plenty of other avenues he could go down to scratch that particular itch if he had to. Being genuinely cared for, despite all the things he’s done, was far more priceless to him. And you all but insisting that Terry had to make peace with him if he wanted you to remain in his life was just icing on the cake.

“So, is she right?” he asks, in a far better mood and more than willing to break the silence now that he’s had a moment to reflect on everything that today has given him.

“About what?” Terry asks stubbornly, still looking at the floor. Cash’s gaze softens as he looks at the pained expression visible in the younger man’s profile. He had been happy to show the new kid the ropes when he’d first joined the force as a rookie, but they’d connected as friends so quickly that Cash had assumed that the mentor/mentee dynamic had disappeared shortly into their time together as partners. Apparently, the same had not held true for Terry.

“Do you actually hate me, or do you just hate what happened, and how it went against the way you used to see me?” he presses, trying to be gentle. Trying to rile the man up was a viable strategy when he’d thought that Terry was angry, but the depth of his hurt required a different, more delicate approach.

“How many different ways can I say I don’t want to have this discussion?” Terry snaps, turning his body away from Cash. He tries to ease the tension by incorporating the man’s one known weak spot: you. He privately hopes that you won’t be mad at him for it, should you ever find out the specifics of this conversation.

“Look, I could be way off base – you’ve known Y/N much longer than I have – but she seems like the type to swallow that key over letting us free before we’ve done what she wants.”

“…No, you aren’t wrong about that,” Terry reluctantly admits after a moment of silence, chuckling to himself. Cash smiles but says nothing; if the past few years had taught him anything, it was the importance and value of patience.

“So, she knows what you want to tell me, huh?” Terry finally asks him, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. Cash stays still, not wanting to spook his friend into putting up his walls again.

“Yeah, she knows,” Cash says quietly, staring at his hands, twirling his ring around his finger. “Had to prove to her that I wasn’t lying about last night when she came in here guns a-blazing.”

“Oh. Oh.” Terry says, and Cash assumes he’s thinking back to last night, judging by the way the man’s dark brows furrow. “So she didn’t know about this until today? That’s probably why she…”

“Jumped into bed with you so willingly? Yeah, probably,” Cash jokes with a snort. Hoping that the other man isn’t too offended by his cavalier reference to the night before, he tries to soften the blow. “I shouldn’t have slept with her. It wasn’t right,” he adds with a frown.

He doesn’t regret the decision to have you – you both needed it, at least once – but he does wish it hadn’t caused Terry so much pain, that he hadn’t had to see it with his own eyes.

“When have you ever made a decision based on what was right?” Terry sneers, and Cash sighs, staring over at the other man until he looks him in the eye.

“Do you really discount every good decision I’ve ever made based on one mistake, Terry?” he asks, genuinely curious.

“One mistake? Please. You lied to me for a year. We were partners, we were best friends; I trusted you with my life, Cash, and I had to watch you throw yours away.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” Cash snarls, standing and turning to look down at Terry. Much like the younger man, he didn’t want anyone’s pity either. “Do you think I don’t know that I fucked up my life for good, that I didn’t screw you over in the process? I know, Terry! I’ve had five years to sit with my regret; some days I can’t think of anything else.”

“So then why did you do it?!” Terry explodes, springing up off the couch and shoving Cash in the chest, nevermind that the cuffs made him follow right after as he stumbles back. “We were good, we were solid, we did the job right! We were on the same page about everything!”

“Look at how you ended up reacting, Terry! I had to keep it from you.”

“But why do it in the first place, Cash?” Terry presses, a clear note of vulnerability and desperation ringing in his voice.

“I needed the money,” he replies, bracing himself to tell the man the reason he’d done all this in the first place. Running his hand through his short grey hair, he idly wonders if it will be enough to make Terry reconsider his attitude towards him.

“And you thought going against everything you’ve ever stood for was worth making a few bucks?” Terry scoffs dismissively, trying to cross his arms across his chest defensively until the cuffs jingle, reminding him of their presence.

“I didn’t have much choice! I didn’t have time!”

“Why?! What wasn’t there time for?!”

“My Ma,” Cash breathes, his eyes closed.

He feels Terry still next to him. He can’t even hear the sound of the man’s breathing, and presumes he’s stopped.

 “I’d forgotten when she died,” Terry murmurs apologetically after a moment. “It was a beautiful service.”

“Yeah well, glad you got to see it,” Cash hisses, his heart filled with vitriol as he recalls memories of being denied day parole, both to visit his dying mother and to attend her funeral. Devlin still had enough sway with some of the people working in the prison to ensure his misery, even after his death.

“I’m sorry, Cash.”

There is a prolonged silence as they each take a moment for their grief.

“The doctors told me that there was a new experimental treatment for her type of lymphoma, but it was expensive. And it was taking her so fast…” Cash explains through gritted teeth, trying to keep his tears at bay. He hadn’t cried about his mother outside of a therapist’s office before, not once, not even when she’d died.

“You could’ve come to me!”

“And what could you have done, Ter? I wasn’t gonna put that on you.”

“You at least could have told me – I could’ve talked you out of being an idiot.”

“And that’s exactly why I didn’t. Look, I’m not proud of what I did. I regret it like you wouldn’t believe. It lost me my job, kept me from spending the last bit of time I had with Ma, from saying goodbye… it lost me you.”

Terry looks over to Cash’s face at this last confession, his eyes vulnerable and yet untrusting, and Cash forces himself to hold his gaze. Terry had to see that having to keep the truth from him, to lie and steal and go against everything that had brought them together had been torture for him as well.

“When everything went down the way it did… I assumed I had lost you long before,” Terry confesses in a broken voice, sitting down on the couch again and taking Cash with him. “I felt like I didn’t know who you were anymore, and I didn’t know how long that had been the case for.”

“For what it’s worth, I was very careful about what jobs I took on – nothing that would risk innocent civilians getting hurt. I know that doesn’t make it okay, but hopefully you see it as a little less evil.”

“Did… did you know about Devlin? How deep into it he was?” Terry asks, and Cash has no problem telling him the truth. It’s all he’s wanted to do for years, after all.

“I didn’t know much, just that he was willing to give me work in exchange for a cut. I knew he pinned some of his crimes on me to extend my sentence, but I didn’t find out about how deep it went until afterwards.”

“Why didn’t you try to fight those charges? The ones you knew were Devlin?” Terry asks, still frustrated and with his sense of abandonment on full display.

“Mostly because I didn’t think anyone would believe me, and I didn’t have the money for a good enough attorney to prove it.”

“Why else?” Terry presses, picking up on a second reason.

“I didn’t want Devlin or any of the other guys to take it out on you.”

Terry stiffens. “What?”

“He visited me in prison once, in ’93, a month before he was officially announced as the next Chief, to brag and gloat, mostly. Said he had to make sure his reputation stayed squeaky clean, and suggested some ways to make sure I kept my mouth shut.”

“Devlin was planning to kill me? Even before all that shit with DiMarco went down?”

“He was at least willing to threaten me with the possibility. Knowing what I know now, he probably would’ve done it. If you were getting a reputation as a violent cop, it would’ve been easy for him to make it look like a mob hit.”

Terry grimaces, privately processing this new bit of information, and Cash allows him a moment or two. He’s more grateful than ever that he hadn’t pushed Devlin to see whether or not he was bluffing; if he had, Terry would most assuredly be dead – maybe taking you out too.

“I don’t like who I became when you went away,” Terry admits with a frustrated sigh. “I was just so angry that you’d willingly turned against everything we stood for. I took it out on any lowlife fucker I came across, I had no mercy; I didn’t care. I couldn’t take it out on you, so I took it out on anyone I could before they were behind bars along with you.”

“Did you ever come close to giving me the chance to explain? I know you got my letters.”

“No,” Terry says, spitting the word out forcefully. “I couldn’t bring himself to see you behind bars, to see what you truly were, or what I thought you were at the time. Y/N was probably right – I wasn’t scared of facing what you’d done, I was scared of what I’d done.”

“What do you mean?” Cash asks, confused.

“I mean that you accepted that what you did was wrong and moved on. You got rehabilitated, you got therapy, you worked on yourself… I haven’t. I got so caught up in this weird vendetta against crime in this city that I just… I couldn’t bring myself to think about what I was doing, or why. I just got worse. Y/N helped keep me from really crossing a line, but only just.”

“Ah, our little beacon of morality on the path to reconciliation,” Cash says fondly. The weight that’s been lifted off of his shoulders – off of his soul – is immense, and he thinks he sees a similar change in Terry as well. Finally, everything was out in the open between them.

“She jumped at the chance to help me with the scrap metal take down the second I said it might give you reason to hear me out, you know,” he adds, hoping they can perhaps bond over the well-meaning complication that you presented.

“She was talking you up way before that,” Terry corrects him, giving an affectionate smile at the thought. Cash isn’t naïve enough to think that the smile is for him, but he’s hopeful that one day it might be.

“Wait, what?” he asks, having just processed what Terry had said.

“She’s been trying to get me to see reason since the day she met you, maybe even before that.”

“How? Why?”

“It’s just who she is. She sees something hurting someone she cares about and she tries her best to fix it, regardless of what anyone else has to say about it.” They both chuckle, thinking back to their memories with you and your tenacity as you tried to force them to confront their situation.

“Before we get off-topic… are we good?” Cash asks hesitantly. He tries not to get his hopes up; all he had wanted from Terry all this time was for him to listen, and now he had. Forgiveness was a separate matter altogether.

“No.”

The word rings out clearly, and this time the rejection hits Cash full on. But he braces himself, focusing on his breathing until the tightness in his chest abates somewhat. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

“I mean… not yet.”

Cash forces his gaze over to the other man, wanting to confirm the meaning behind Terry’s addendum, and the man is giving him a soft smile.

“I – really?” he asks in disbelief, and Terry barks out a laugh.

“Alright, fine; we’re not good, and never will be,” Terry jokes, and Cash rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Piss off,” Cash snaps with a scowl that doesn’t reach his eyes. Inside, his heart feels like it could be coming back to life. “You just bounce back awfully quick for someone who’s held a grudge for the better part of a decade.”

Terry shrugs nonchalantly in response, the movement tugging at Cash’s wrist. You weren’t due to be back quite yet, but he’s looking forward to getting out of these cuffs.

“Ter, I… thanks,” Cash says sheepishly, uncomfortable with being vulnerable for so long. The two men awkwardly clap each other on the back with their free hands, and an awkward silence resumes once more.

“Y/N is probably going to take every second of the hour we agreed to,” Terry points out off-handedly, though a wicked grin is starting to steal across his face. “That’s not for another twenty minutes. Plenty of time to give her a nice surprise to come back to – as a thank you for all of her meddling. Whaddaya say?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Cash says with enthusiasm. The two immediately set to work, and a warmth blooms through his chest as they work together again for the first time in ages, even just for something as juvenile as a prank.

“Speaking of Y/N… what are we going to do about her?” Terry asks as they continue setting up their prank. Cash sighs, pausing to run his hand through his hair. It wasn’t the ideal solution, but he doesn’t think there is one unless they can find a way to clone you.

“I’ll step aside,” he offers, and he means it sincerely even though it hurts. “She wants both of us in her life or neither of us, and the two of you have had more time to develop a relationship. She cares about you enough to push you to finally hear me out; it’s the least I can do for the two of you.”

“Cash…” Terry says, pausing a moment to keep his resolve. “I was an asshole. I’ve been an asshole for years. You deserve someone that gets you and is willing to fight for you, and… if something was meant to happen between the two of us, it probably would have by now,” he admits reluctantly.

“Ter, you just started tolerating being in the same room as me again less than ten minutes ago. I’m not doing anything that might jeopardize that.”

“It won’t,” Terry insists, but he hesitates at the look Cash gives him. “Even if it does, maybe it’s my turn to sacrifice. You’ve been through enough.”

The two men bicker back and forth as they continue their work, an eye on the clock telling them that you were due back within a few minutes now.

“She might not want either one of us,” Terry muses pensively as they crouch behind the kitchen counter, getting into position. “She’s stubborn, and probably not willing to choose if she’s scared the other one will walk away.”

“I think her killing us both because of this is a more likely option,” Cash retorts with a low chuckle that he immediately cuts off at the sound of a car door slamming shut outside. You have returned.

“So we let her decide who she wants, and the other will accept it?” Cash confirms, whispering now as they listen for your approach.

“I don’t think she’d let it happen any other way,” Terry hisses under his breath, right before you open the front door.

“Am I about to walk into a bloodbath?” you call from down the hall.

Maniacal grins steal across both of their faces.

Reader’s POV:

“How the fuck was I meant to react to this, you idiots?!” you snarl at both men sitting on the couch before you, and you can tell that they’re just barely keeping up their guilty routine, their shoulders shaking as they try not to burst into laughter.

You scowl at both of them, contemplating clunking their heads together.

The house had been ominously silent upon your return, and as soon as you’d rounded the corner, the pizza boxes that you were carrying dropped to the ground (though they thankfully remained closed).

The living room was a wreck.

The sofa and chairs in the living room had been overturned, the blinds were crooked, and various objects had been knocked over. Your heart had sunk down to the aching pit in your stomach – you didn’t see any blood, but there was no sight or sound coming from either man that you could detect. A surge of adrenaline accompanied the panic and dread growing inside you, and you’d screamed out for both men, frantically running deeper into the house to search for them.

Nothing else in the house had been disturbed, so you had sprinted back to the front door to throw your shoes back on to go look for them. How could you have been stupid enough to leave them alone? If either of them was seriously hurt, you’d never forgive yourself!

“Going somewhere?”

You’d frozen halfway through lacing up one boot at the sound of Terry’s voice, a sense of dread threatening to overwhelm you. If he was the one here and talking in Cash’s house, that meant…

“T-Terry?” you had called out in a weak voice, still unable to bring yourself to turn around, afraid of what you would see.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” came his answer in a soft purr, the darkly flirtatious tone startling you enough that you’d turned around to face him, seeing him leaning up against the wall in the hallway leading back to the living room and kitchen. Forcing your body to breathe somewhat regularly, you had tried to give him a closer look. He didn’t seem to show any signs of a struggle on his body, but he seemed far too relaxed, except for his eyes, which were almost feverishly bright as they’d stared over at you.

“Where… where’s Cash?” you asked in a high, squeaky pitch, uncertain if you even wanted the answer. Terry’s devious smile only confirmed your fears.

“Don’t worry, doll. I took care of him.”

You had stumbled back slightly at his words, not able to do more than gasp for breath, and Terry made no move to come after you.

There was a tense silence between the two of you, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself, with Terry, with any of this.

The silence was then broken by a disembodied yet oddly familiar snort.

“You can’t tell me she actually bought that.”

Terry’s shoulders sagged, the vicious expression dropping off of his face.

“Well now we’ll never know,” he’d huffed with a scowl, turning to speak to someone around the corner.

“I – what?” you had babbled, your heart stopping when Cash came into view, unharmed and still cuffed to the wrist that Terry had hidden from your view.

They’d both given you nearly identical amused looks that were quickly wiped off their faces at your screech of absolute fury. You’d charged at them, then, spending the next few minutes cursing them out and trying to swing at them, but they had been frustratingly agile in evading your movements, even joined together as they were.

Men were absolute monsters, you’d decided then, growling at them and shoving them back to the couch which had been returned to its proper state.

It seems that the distraught expression that had stolen across your face as you reflected on the past few minutes is too much for either man, both unable to keep their laughter under wraps any longer, going to pieces until you literally hiss at them, feeling so angry you could spit poison.

“You two are absolutely unbelievable,” you snarl, and both men have the grace to at least look mildly sheepish. “You almost gave me a heart attack! Why would you do something like this?!”

“We thought it would be funny,” Terry mumbles, averting your gaze and reaching his free hand up to nervously scratch the back of his head.

“What’s the big deal? I would’ve thought you’d be happy to see us working together!” Cash adds cheekily, utterly unabashed once more. You shoot him a nasty glare, but it only makes his smile grow.

“I left for one hour to give you the chance to grow the fuck up and actually listen to one another. Did you even bother to do that? Or did you just decide on this temporary truce so you could fuck with me?”

Your hands are on your hips as you sneer down at them, still absolutely furious. You’re vaguely aware that beneath the seemingly bottomless well of anger, you’re relieved to see that neither man is hurt.

“Oh please, the setup only took fifteen minutes,” Cash scoffs, and Terry visibly winces, likely anticipating an explosion from you.

“Cash, shut up,” Terry suggests firmly, though his eyes are locked on yours with a pleading expression. “We talked things out, Y/N, I swear,” he says softly. Something about him seems lighter somehow, you notice distantly, and you know that he’s telling the truth.

“So what, I’m supposed to believe that six years of grudges just disappeared within the span of an hour, and you’re both in cahoots again?” you ask skeptically, crossing your arms across your chest.

“Of course not,” Cash says with a roll of his eyes. “But we came to enough of an understanding to put our differences aside and get our revenge on you for being so damn pushy.”

“Excuse me?” you hiss venomously at the older man, but he merely smiles broadly at you, so you turn your gaze over to Terry. “Is that true, Terry?”

Terry clears his throat nervously, refusing to look at either you or Cash.

“We’re very grateful that you didn’t give up on either of us, Y/N,” he says carefully, clearly wary of setting you off further. “We just thought that this might help us breeze past the awkwardness, lighten the mood, show you that we can be in the same room without killing each other, yeah?”

You narrow your eyes at both men, still suspicious.

“So that’s it then? You’ve done it? Kissed and made up and all that?” you ask sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

Before you can register the movement, both men have tugged you down so that they can plant kisses to your cheeks like they’d rehearsed it a hundred times.

“Now we have!” Cash informs you cheerily, nimbly dodging your slaps and laughing.

“Not me, you morons!” You exclaim, your face heated as your body responds to being sandwiched between both men. If they’re telling the truth and are trying to take steps to repair their friendship, you’re going to have to learn to not blush every time they touch you. Especially touching you together like that; it was enough to nearly make you moan.

“Well we sure as shit aren’t kissing each other,” jokes Terry, helping Cash secure your wrists when you show no sign of stopping your attack. You wrench yourself out of their grip, still flustered as you look at them from across the room, throwing yourself into an armchair with a huff.

“Well I’m glad you two are all chummy again; you’ll have each other at least, because I’m never talking to either of you again,” you snap.

“Not a chance,” Cash says dismissively, immediately calling your bluff. “There’s no way in hell you’ll stay away after putting all this work in.”

“Come back over here,” Terry adds, giving you a pleading expression.

“Why should I?” you grumble, angry that you’re the one on the receiving end of all of this nonsense.

“To take our cuffs off, for one.”

You don’t even blink, retrieving the key from your pocket and throwing it across the room to them. “Done.”

“Don’t be grumpy just because you weren’t part of the plan for once,” Cash says teasingly.

“That is not why I’m grumpy!” you protest, regretting the words as they leave your lips, watching the predatory look spread across the older man’s face. “I’m not grumpy!” you amend, glaring at Cash.

“Sweetheart –” Terry tries to interject, but Cash cuts him off.

“Going to miss your alone time with us?” he goads you, and Terry smacks him in the chest with his newly freed hand.

“Knock it off, Cash,” he warns the older man. “I’m not trading her out for you, so stop pissing her off.”

“You’re no fun,” Cash huffs, looking back at you to give you a wink.

Your brain doesn’t know what to make of any of this. The two of them were acting so… comfortable with one another, even after everything. If you could barely fathom a world in which they managed to make amends and both stay in your life, imagining a world where they were able to joke and flirt with you was an impossibility.

“I – I don’t understand what’s happening here,” you admit rather helplessly, looking from one man to the other.

“Isn’t this what you wanted? For us to all be together?” Cash asks innocently, pointedly ignoring Terry giving him a look out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, but I didn’t think that you’d get over things so quickly, joking about… you know,” you trail off, blushing furiously.

“I never said anything to suggest I wouldn’t bring this up at every opportunity,” Cash leers, and Terry chuckles, sending you for another loop.

“I believe I told you this morning I would be talking about it with you regardless of if we went anywhere,” Terry adds, and is this all part of their dumb prank too? Were they trying to drive you insane?

“Yeah but… together? In front of each other?” you challenge. “Terry?” you press the younger man, knowing that he had the deepest feelings of the three of you. He gives you a gentle smile in response.

“You’re stuck with both of us, Y/N,” he says simply, as though all of this could have a straightforward solution. “Just like you wanted.”

“And because you’re likely too stubborn or loyal or whatever you want to call it, you won’t want to choose between us,” Cash chimes in with a casual shrug. “At least not right away, which means we both get to bug you about this whenever we want.”

“Or, I could leave right now, and hate you both!” you return cheerfully, but they immediately see through the ruse, and you scowl.

“Sure, sweetheart,” Terry agrees condescendingly. “Whatever you say.”

“So what, you expect me to endure you both being annoying just for the privilege of your presence?”

“Yeah, pretty much!” Cash confirms, clapping his hands together loudly. “Glad we’ve worked all that out." You huff dismissively as they both give you wide, smug smiles.

“I give it two weeks before one of us backs out or maims the others.”

---

 Epilogue

---

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[dipplinduo]

Have you ever scrapped ideas for Sweet & Sour?

Yep!

My process has luckily been more of "transform an idea that doesn't fit" situation for most things, but I'm happy to talk about some of the things that didn't make the cut. Whipping out the notes page...

Lacey was actually meant to be the spotlighted E4 member that gets close to Juliana, not Drayton (hence the focus on her in Chapter 1 & 2). She was actually my favorite at first, and I envisioned her as being a positive, grounding guide for Juliana, and also somewhat of a middle ground influence for Kieran. But then I wrote my spin on the cafeteria scene, and I was like "oh my god wait, Drayton's character is so enticing and flexible, and he's especially fun to insert as an influence in the Kieran/Juliana dynamic". SOOOOOO I quickly decided to pivot and make him the spotlighted one, and have him do more of this brotherly figurer role who was very cunning and comedic. Before I even realized I got overtaken by the iconicism, and now he's just part of my brand in general. Whoops. The "Drayton Being Iconic" tag existed on this blog before this happened so I honestly should've seen it coming LMAO. I do have very important plans for the rest of the E4 and what role they're playing, though :

Don't laugh at this one - it was also early development LOL. I was going to have a party scene where Drayton convinces Juliana to pretend she got drunk (I know) as part of a roundabout and wild way to find evidence that Kieran had a soft spot for her (I KNOW). Kieran was essentially gonna waltz in (to a social event he otherwise never would make an appearance in) and he'd get all flustered as Juliana latches onto him. He would've decided to sweep her away from the party and take him back to his dorm. I ended up scrapping this entirely because while teens do party and all that...yeah, and also we pretty much got the dynamic moments I wanted to portray much better through the chapters where Juliana got sick.

Kieran/Juliana dynamic was also gonna have a moment where Kieran gets it in his head to start flirting with Juliana because he thinks that she’s flirting to get him to put his guard down. And that's where they both kinda were gonna secretly realize their feelings LOL. In hindsight lowkey fire still, but yeah, kinda just didn't have the space for it. We do have flirty Kieran era though, and that's still based.

This one is kinda known already, but originally the Applins were the only stars of the show (hence the name of the fic). I added Ribombee in early on after enough people wanted it and gave it lore/a connection to Kieran and his mother. Before Ribombee was conceptualized, I had different plans for what happened to Kieran's parents (he would still be an orphan regardless).

Briar was originally going to make a "deal" with Clavell regarding getting Juliana to come to Blueberry early, although it wouldn't be revealed until Juliana discovers this later. I scrapped this in favor of something much better because I didn't like the implications it had on Clavell's character, and honestly, only Blueberry is supposed to have the sketchy admin/systematic stuff going on anyways lol.

Kieran was meant to show more obvious signs of sleep deprivation (e.g. falling suspect to illness more frequently, slowed reactions). This idea is still good and realistic, but yeah, ended up leaning more into other symptomology that went well with the toxic chain curse (e.g. irritability, obsessive fixations, self-criticism, overworking himself, fatigue, etc.)

Ribombee was going to sleep powder both Kieran & Juliana in the cave scene of Ch 5. I decided to make it a bit more organic by having Kieran up and reflecting on everything + having Ribombee appearance in a more mystical way. Plus, I thought it would mean more if Kieran & Juliana opted to cuddle up themselves rather than being knocked out. There was a part of me that was worried the dynamic was progressing too fast this way with this change, but it seemed to have landed well! :)

This doesn't really count as a scrapped idea, but related: I 1000% retconned something with the Drayton POV chapters (if ykyk, LOL). But YEP. It's CANON. And frankly it's a decision I personally love that has implications, but also won't screw up the storytelling for where we're at now, either.

There's actually a lot more, too, but like I said: most of my ideas tend to upgrade. And lolololol OMG this is especially true for some major lore stuff. I just don't want to reveal it because I don't want to give y'all hints on where we're going!! LOL.

And also...there are cuter moments I haven't used in S&S and probably won't be able to because I account for what makes sense with the given dynamic. BUT what I do end up doing is taking those unused ideas and putting them into What-Ifs or other stories. There's one I'm particularly thinking of that I was dying to put in S&S D, but I don't think it would trip up the current Kieran as much as it would've in earlier chapters, lol. SO. It's going in The Dichotomy in Our Hearts instead! xD

This was super fun to write, hope it was enough substance for the question! <3

[cloudlessly-light]

Hii it's Anon again!

Yessssss I loved that fic bc of Em being in foreign territory and who can deny Hotch's dom energy in CM fr! I absolutely love reading fics playing with that side of him 😍💞

I'd love if you wrote another one where the story is more detailed about how Em starts daydreaming at work, having fantasies after Hotch raises his voice against a suspect/roughs them up physically with ease or disciplines the team like when Reid was about to insult someone at the phone and Hotch just stopped him just calling his name LOL (tbf there are a lot of CM moments where fans are like 'wow I'd love him to grab me like that/talk to me like that' that could be fun to insert these moments 😂)

But yeah, mostly abt Em being confused at her body's reaction and realising it is a very slippery slope she's on, with (the team and) Hotch thinking Em is just distracted until he realises she squirms or disappears after he behaves a certain way verbally or physically etc...

Cherry on top if you figure out a way to conclude that with smut, I wouldn't personally know how to write Hotch confronting her abt it since I imagined that mostly from Em's pov 😂

Anyway, that's my idea of it, I'm happy to know that you like writing this dynamic and I will be happy with ANYTHING you will write about dom Hotch in the end so no pressure, I'm excited for any idea you will work on 😁🩷

A/N: Hi Anon! I hope this is somewhat what you had in mind, it got way longer than I initially thought lol.

Title: To give to you Summary: Emily had never imagined fantasizing about her boss, had always thought she was a top. But then she joins the BAU and meets Aaron Hotchner and everything changes. Word count: 4,7k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smut, oral, overstimulation, dom Aaron (kinda, it got softer than I thought) bisexual Emily Prentiss, switch Emily Prentiss, sub Emily, mentions of stabbing, mentions of restraints and paddles

Emily had known that she was bisexual early in life, realized quickly that she clearly had a preference for women. For a long time she only dated women, women were kind, smart, gorgeous, stunning beings and she absolutely relished in taking them apart. She spent her late teens and early 20’s exploring her sexuality and preferences. It was easy to figure out that she loved to be in control, loved to bring her partner to their knees, no matter what gender that was.

But there was no doubt that if she were to chose between a man and a woman, she always preferred a woman. There was something about hearing the gentle moan of her name, of feeling soft skin under the palm of her hands. She loved bringing them pleasure and sometimes that pleasure came with a side of pain.

Then she starts working at the BAU, a dream she’d had since joining the FBI. It doesn’t take long for her to throw herself into work all the while ignoring the fact that she barely has time to do anything else. She proves herself fast, knows that she’s impressing the team without really trying as they find out small pieces of her past, and her skills.

It sucks that Aaron Hotchner is one of the last to notice.

Her boss was an enigma to her, quickly stirring up feelings she shouldn’t feel towards her boss. The first time it happened she had tried to ignore it, tried to pretend that the feeling she felt and the flush when he raised his voice towards and unsub was because the interrogation room was stifling. It wasn’t him, it couldn’t be him.

It’s harder to ignore the second time it happens. He was frustrated, the case going awry quickly and Emily watched him instill fear in the entire police precinct as they were working with one single word, voice raised to be heard over the chatter. The tension on his face and the darkness of his eyes was enough to make goosebumps rise on her arms.

And she crashes into the realization that it was, in fact, him.

Then a year had gone by and Emily finds herself daydreaming about him at the most inappropriate times. It’s not like she hasn’t tried to stop, she’s gone out and found both men and women to take home during her time at the BAU. She has relished the feeling of power as she wrought pleasure from strangers in the dark. But then she goes to work the next day and for reasons unbeknown to her she can’t stop thinking about him. She’s smart enough to know that it isn’t just physical, that she felt more for him but just want, but she always forced those thoughts away.

“Prentiss?” Aaron interrupts her train of thought as she sits by her desk, seemingly lost in her own world.

“Yeah?” She looks up at him and bites her lip for a moment. Her cheeks heated from his stare as she realized she was caught zoning out. “Sorry, what do you need?” They were working from Quantico, helping out on a local case.

“They’re bringing in a suspect, I want you in there with me for questioning.” He gives her another pointed look, like he’s seeing into her mind and she has to force herself not to fidget in her seat.

“Of course.” She offers a smile that she hopes comes off as confident and he walks back into his office. Get it together Emily.

She misses the way his eyes linger on her from his office window.

*

She really doesn’t understand why she reacts the way she does to him. She had been around people trying to control her her entire life, had always hated it. It shouldn’t be different with Aaron. But it is.

She thinks it’s because he’s in control in a way that’s effortless, that he demands respect because he knows he’s earned it. And most importantly, she trusts him in a way she doesn’t really trust anyone. She loves him.

But that doesn’t stop her confusion. It doesn’t stop her brain from fantasizing about how his large hands would feel pinning her down and taking her. She could stand in a room full of people and one look from him made heat flame in her veins. She didn’t understand it, she didn’t want to feel the things she did. But she couldn’t stop it.

*

“Where is she?!” Aaron’s voice was raised, his anger palpable as Emily sat across from the slime of a human they were currently trying to get a confession out of.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The unsub, a frail man, skittish in his behavior whimpered and Emily could feel distain as she looked at him.

It’s the slam of Aaron’s hand against the metal table that makes the unsub jump and Emily clench her legs together under the table that gets them their confession.

As the unsub is being led out in handcuffs Emily remains seated at the table, trying to control her body’s reaction as Aaron starts to pack up the pictures and papers to be sorted into boxes later.

“Are you alright?” He asks and her eyes snap to his, wide and dark and she swallows.

“I’m good.” She nodded and stands too. Her hands tremble as she starts to help him pack up, hoping that he doesn’t notice the way her pulse beats wildly, or the flush on her cheeks. But he’s Aaron and he notices everything. His hand is searing as he wraps it around her wrist and Emily has to force herself not to let out a soft moan as she wonders what it would feel like if he grabbed her throat like that.

“Prentiss?” His voice is smooth as he looked at her with something she’d only call concern and something else.

“I’m alright, I think I’m just a little tired today.” She mumbles and pulls her arm out of his grasp. “I’m good, Hotch.”

If he didn’t believe her, he didn’t say anything.

*

It’s been a few months since they interrogated that unsub, had been months since his hand had wrapped around her wrist but she could still feel it, like the palm of his hand had branded her. She’s having more trouble now, because he’s divorced and it’s one obstacle that kept her away from him that’s gone.

They’re in California working a case and it’s hot to the point of unbearable outside. It has caused even Aaron to remove his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and Emily has to keep herself from staring at the muscle of his arms, from reaching out to drag a nail over the dark hair covering them. When his fingers flex and the muscle jumps with the movement she has to look away, cause all she can think about is how that muscle would tense if he was hovering above her.

“I think the unsub focuses on prostitutes because that’s what available to him.” Spencer’s voice forces her to focus. She feels ashamed for fantasizing about Aaron when women were literally being stabbed in the streets.

“We could force him out of the shadows, try and taunt him? He’s clearly a narcissist.” Derek adds and Aaron who’s remained standing as the rest of them are gathered around a table nods.

“Let’s do it. We can do a press conference.” He decides and looks at Emily, their eyes meeting. “You should do it, a woman would provoke him. Force his hand.”

“Of course.” She nods and she sees JJ doing the same in her peripheral, already getting ready to set up for the press conference.

“Did you bring a dress?” Derek asks and Emily turns to him. She knew why he asked, knew that if she was dressed bordering on inappropriately on camera that the unsub would feel like he didn’t have a choice except to reach out to them.

“I’ll run out and buy one.”

So that’s how she finds herself wearing a black dress that’s just bordering on too much cleavage, the fabric just a little too tight, her jacket over her shoulders that she removes just before she gets up on the podium. It goes by in a blur, she answers questions, goes through the main points that they knew would trigger the unsub, makes eye contact with the camera and gives a flirty smile. She plays her role well and when they’re done Aaron is ushering her out of the room, his hand grazing her back.

“You did well.” He tells her quietly when they stop so she can put her jacket back on, feeling too exposed. When she looks up at him, he’s looking at her with something dark, something different and she offers him a smile.

“Not the first time I’ve done that, won’t be the last.” She shrugs and they walk again, heading to the conference room they’ve spent the majority of the week in.

“You were great!” Derek grins and she rolls her eyes. “If he saw it he’ll call in anytime now.”

Like clockwork, the phone goes off and Aaron nods for her to answer it.

“Supervisory special agent Emily Prentiss speaking.”

During the duration of the phone call she can feel Aaron behind her, eyes zeroed in on her. When the call ends she turns to him and she’s sure she can see the flicker of want in his eyes. But it is probably her own imagination. It had to be.

*

After California she starts to struggle even more. She couldn’t get that look on his face out of her mind, dreamt about it at night, hoped to see it during the day.

She still goes out, still takes great pleasure in finding a partner for the night to take them over the edge over and over again until all that they can do is plead her name. Emily loved control, that hadn’t changed. And then she comes to work and one of the first things that happen one morning is Spencer, arguing with Aaron about something she doesn’t really catch. She walks into the conference room with JJ just as Aaron raises his voice just slightly.

“Reid, that is enough!”

“But I-”

“Reid.”

It’s one word and Emily feels the dull ache of arousal instantly. The tone of voice firm and she almost stumbles back. She’s not sure what happens after that, excuses herself quickly and heads to the bathroom where she stays leaning over a sink and watches her own reflection.

He’s your boss. He’s off limits. You’re not supposed to feel like this. The team would never forgive you.

She tries to think of every reason why she needs to stay away from him. Rinses cold water on a paper towel to press against her heated skin. When she emerges back into the bullpen Aaron is watching her curiously, a small smirk playing on his lips.

*

“Emily?”

His voice is quiet as he stands behind her. He doesn’t touch her but she can feel the heat of his body behind her.

They’re out, a team dinner ending up in a busy bar. She was standing outside, had needed some air, had needed to get away from the group, needed to clear her head. Aaron had just told off a man at the bar as he tried to flirt with JJ and his posture alone intimidating enough for the man to scurry off, and she knew that she needed a moment alone. She hadn’t realized that he had followed her, still didn’t turn around at the sound of her name.

“Yes?” She stares straight ahead and his heavy hand falls to her shoulder, making her inhale sharply as he turns her to face him. He’s looking at her with those damn eyes, dark and alluring and she swallows. “What?” She finally asks after he’s remained quiet.

“What did I do this time?” The amused tone caused her eyebrows to knit together.

“What do you mean?” She thinks she should back away, should move enough for his hand to fall to his side. But she doesn’t.

“You don’t think that I’ve noticed?” His head falls slightly to the side as he smiles at her, a confident leer that makes her cheeks flush. He takes a small step closer to her.

“Noticed what?” She stays put, tries to exude the same confidence that he does but her body betrays her, so does her mind and she feels herself cowering slightly.

“You’re not dumb, don’t pretend to be.” His voice is firm as his hand moves from her shoulder to gently grasp her chin. When he angles her face up to look at him she lets out a shaky breath. “What did I do to make you run away and hide this time?”

She stares up at him, the tension thick between them as she tries to think of all the reasons why she should walk away. She racks her brain but it’s empty, empty on anything besides how much she wants him. How much she needs him.

“You scared off that drunk with two words and a look. I liked that.” She finally admits, almost two years of yearning coming down to this.

He hums, tone dripping of satisfaction as he moves even closer, turns her until her back is pressed against the cold concrete wall and he presses his body against hers.

“You like when I’m assertive, don’t you?”

“Yes.” She breathes quietly and something flashes across his face, something she wants to see again.

“And what are we going to do about that?”

She should have realized that he knew, that he’s probably known exactly what she’s been thinking and feeling from the start. The amusement on his face almost taunting, his smirk teasing.

“I don’t know.” She whispers and she feels her breath mixing with his as he leans down, lips so close to hers. “I’ve never felt like this before.”

“And what do you feel, Emily?” His hands move to her waist and hers lands to his upper arms, lost in him.

“Like you’d take me apart and make me lose the control I’ve always craved. And that I’d enjoy it.”

“Hmm…” His grin turns dark, his body presses harder against hers. “That’s right. You’ve done a good job hiding it. And I’ve done a damn good job to pretend that I don’t want the exact same thing.” His thigh pushes between hers and she gasps. “But I think I’m done pretending. Are you?”

“Yes.”

*

She ends up in his car as he drives them to his apartment. It’s quiet, so quiet as the tension between them gets thicker, her heart beating wildly in her chest.

“I’ve wondered what you taste like since you first showed up in my office.” He says out of nowhere, eyes on the road and his face close to indifferent. But she catches the way he’s holding the steering wheel a little tighter, the slight clenching of his jaw.

“Who says you will get to know that now?” She challenges and he turns to look at her as they stop at a red light. His hand is heavy, fingers gripping when he grasps her thigh.

“Because we both know that the moment I have you in my bed that you’re giving yourself completely to me.” He gives her a knowing stare then let’s go of her thigh only to grab the back of her neck. He doesn’t squeeze, just holds it there and she licks her suddenly dry lips. “Because we both know how good you want to be for me, Emily.”

She’s pretty sure her underwear is already ruined and he hadn’t even kissed her yet.

He doesn’t let go of her until she nods mutely, smiles when she draws a shaky breath as he starts to drive again.

The rest of the drive goes by in a haze and when Emily walks in ahead of him into his apartment she can barely focus on anything else but him behind her. The lock clicks into place and then he’s pressed against her, slowly pushing her hair to the side.

“I’m going to ruin you.” He whispers and she shivers. “Tell me, when you’ve had your little fantasies at work, what do you think about?” His lips are heated as he kisses gently along her neck, down her shoulder.

“I-I fuck,” She couldn’t think straight, her fingers flexing with the need to touch him, but his hand stayed firm on her hips, keeping her planted. “I thought about you in every way I shouldn’t.” She finally says and he snickers against her skin.

“That’s not really an answer.” He turns her suddenly, the only reason why she doesn’t fall is his hands holding on to her the moment they’re face to face. “But I’ll let it go, for now.”

“Hotch-”

“No, I’m Aaron, in here I’m Aaron.” He interrupts her and she smiles.

“Aaron,” She corrects herself and lets one hand move to gently cradle his neck. “kiss me.”

It’s softer than she imagined it to be, his lips careful as he tastes her for the first time. His touch turns gentle for a moment, warm fingers stroking under her top as his tongue licks over her bottom lip, until she opens her mouth to him. She’s barely aware that he’s moving her through the apartment until her back ends up pressed against a wall and they break apart, breath slightly labored as they look at each other.

He raises an eyebrow, a wordless question that she nods into and it’s like flipping a switch. He kisses her again, this time harder, hands gripping at her as he moves her towards his bedroom. Her clothes land in piles across the floor, her own hands tearing at his. Then he pushes her down onto the bed, grinning when something resembling a yelp leaves her.

“You’re so pretty.” His voice is darker than she’s ever heard it, his eyes close to wild as he looks at her like she’s pray and he’s starving. The bed dips as he climbs after her, rips her underwear off her hips leaving her completely naked.

“You ruined them.” She mutters between kisses and he pushes her back enough to undo the last few buttons on his shirt.

“Sweetheart, they were already ruined.” He throws his shirt away and hovers above her. “Do you really think I can’t smell how ready you are for me already?”

The flush on her skin only increases and she looks away in embarrassment but he’s quick to guide her face towards his again.

“Don’t look away, don’t you think I love knowing how much you like it, how much you want me.” His forehead falls against hers for a moment. “You’re going to come until you can’t remember your own name.” She knows it’s a promise.

He swallows down her whimper with another kiss, then moves down her body. She knows her skin will be littered by bruises and hickeys, his mouth hot and wet on her skin until he’s between her legs and licking through her. She falls back against the bed with a strangled moan and he quickly wraps his legs around her thighs, keeping her still.

The groan that rumbles in his chest vibrates against her as he dips his tongue inside of her, pushes it as deep as possible and she gasps. Her hand grips his hair and he pulls back from her with a raised eyebrow.

“None of that.” He takes her wrist in his hand and pins it to the bed. “Unless you need to be tied up.” His eyes glint and she releases a breathless chuckle.

“Maybe next time.” At the mentioning of this happening again he grins widely and nods.

“Good girl.” He lays back down and sucks her clit before she truly has chance to process the way her body responds to his words. It’s the first time she’s been called a good girl, and she feels her body throb with the need to hear it again.

Aaron makes her fall apart in no time at all, has her screaming her pleasure into her own hand to keep the neighbors from hearing and he doesn’t stop. His eyes flicker up to watch as her body trembles, keeps his arms tightly around her thighs as he licks over her clit with the flat of his tongue.

“Oh my God…” She gasps as he continues to eat her out like a man starving. Her hands grip his headboard to keep from gripping at him. He makes a sound against her, whispers filth against her clit until she’s straining and moaning.

She comes for the second time with his name on her lips, breathless and low as her hips buckles against his face. His tongue is sure as he laps through her, lips wrapped around her clit until she’s oversensitive and tries to get away from the stimulation.

“Do not fucking move.” He warns, and she cries out as she stops squirming. “I’m not done.” He licks through her one final time before moving up her body. When he’s hovering above her she sees his face wet from her and that same wild look in his eye. He pins her hands above her head and then pushes two fingers inside of her quickly, thrusting them inside as his palm press against her clit.

“Fuck, Aaron-”

“I said, I’m not done. So that means that you’re not done.” He cuts her off, the firm tone making her shiver. “You love it, you’re clenching my fingers just from the sound of my voice.” He leers and she clenches around his fingers making him snicker as she proves his point.

She doesn’t get to respond, even if she could have thought of some snide remark, his lips were on hers, forcing the taste of herself onto her tongue as he continued to curl his fingers and grind the palm of his hand against her clit. Emily had never been the type to be able have multiple orgasms, but it somehow doesn’t surprise her that he drags a third orgasm out of her in only minutes. She bites down on his shoulder as her body trembles under his, his low words of encouragements the only thing she could hear through the ringing in her ears.

He watches her the entire time, want reflected in his eyes as he waits a moment for her to relax before moving his fingers again. Her arms jerk but his grip only tightens.

“Again.” He grunts and she whines through harsh breaths, the pleasure making her mind hazy. His fingers press against her spot, massages it with precise movements as he kisses along her jaw and neck, swallows down her moans until she’s grinding into his hand again.

“That’s it.” He whispers as her pussy clamps down on his fingers. She comes with a desperate moan, hands fisting above her head as her back arches and her eyes shut tightly. He continues until her muscles start to relax and she slumps, body sweaty and chest heaving when she comes down and Aaron carefully withdraws his fingers. He kneels between her spread legs, eyes on hers as he licks her of his fingers with a low groan.

“You look even prettier than I imagined when you come.” He mutters as he works on getting his pants and boxers off. He catches the way her eyes zeroes in on his cock. His fist wraps around it, pumps it slowly and Emily licks her bottom lip. “You want it?”

“Please.” She gasps, the word out without her even realizing. His eyes flash as she unknowingly begs for him and he fists his shaft harder.

“Maybe next time.” He growls, mimicking her earlier words as he crawls over her body again. Her legs wrap around his hips and he doesn’t waste any more time before pushing inside of her with a smooth thrust.

“You’re huge.” She knows her nails are breaking the skin of his arms as she grips him. He keeps still, gives her a moment to adjust as he grunts his own pleasure into her neck.

“I know, you’re taking me so well.” He pulls back slowly and she moans lowly. “My good girl.” He nips at her neck, licks over her fluttering pulse and she whimpers.

“Please, please fuck me.” She mumbles and he responds to the breathless plea immediately. He starts to fuck her the way she’s been dreaming of, pushes against her hard enough for her body to jolt, fucks her like no one has ever done before and Emily can’t believe how much she loves it.

It’s hard and rough and she knows that his fingers are leaving bruises on the outside of her thigh as he grabs her leg, can hear his pleasure being muttered against her skin as his forehead leans on her shoulder.

“Come for me again.” He grunts when she starts to tighten around him, his tone smug as he looks down at her blissed out face.

She comes so hard she’s afraid she’ll pass out, her body tensing and the corners of her eyes blackening out. But Aaron is right there, guiding her through it, slowing his movements and whispering her name until her eyelids flutter open to look at him with hazy eyes.

“There’s my girl.” He smiles softly. “Do you need a break?”

“No, fuck no.” She presses a kiss to his lips. “I’m good, I’m so so good.” She chuckles and he grins then turns her body around and pulls her onto her hands and knees.

When he pushes inside of her it’s almost with enough force to push her forward, but he’s quick to grip her hair in his fist, pulling her back and making her back arch.

“Beg for me again.” He growls and she mewls.

“Please fuck me, please don’t stop.”

And he doesn’t, he makes her fall apart two more times, every muscle in her body aching as she falls flat on the bed and he’s quick to follow her. He bites down on the back of her shoulder, his hips stuttering as he gets close to his own release.

“Where?” He grunts and Emily whines loudly.

“Inside.” She hears his growl, feels his hips snapping against hers and then he’s coming.

“Fuck, Emily.” It’s barely a grunt, the sound of her name breathless as he gives in to his own pleasure, hips jerking against hers. He gives himself a few seconds to catch his breath and then rolls off her, body covered in sweat as he waits for the feeling to return in his extremities. He looks at her, sees the flush on her cheeks and how she’s still quivering slightly. “Are you okay?”

“I might not be able to use my legs for a few hours.” She quips and he laughs and then pulls her into him. He presses a kiss to her forehead and then her lips.

“So,” He starts and brushes some hair behind her ear. “was it what you imagined?”

“To be honest, you were kind of soft.” She laughs when he pinches her side warningly.

“Brat.” He mutters and she hums happily. “Just you wait, sweet girl. There’s a paddle with your name on it in the closet if you aren’t careful.”

She laughs again but the goosebumps on her arms are hard to ignore and she knows he sees them and only gives her a knowing look, but doesn’t say anything. The room goes quiet for a moment and the next time she speaks it’s a little more careful, her eyes flitting over his face as she bites on her bottom lip.

“Are we doing this? Really?”

“Emily I’ve wanted this for so long. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sure about this, us.” He smiles softly and she feels something warm in her chest.

“I wouldn’t either.”

[dungeonbent]

( An excerpt from Learned Complacency: A Record of the Surreal and Zoologically Dubious in the Dungeon of Skaia, written by R. L. Theras. )

… Thus far, the primary conceit of these pages has been to illustrate the base layout of the dungeon and the verifiable history of Skaia. Now that you are briefed on the intricacies of the Prospit-Derse conflict (caused in part due to the differing dynamics between the short and long-lived races within the borders of each kingdom), their eventual ruin, and their ultimate collapse in on one another, I will indulge in something of a detour. Much like the paths of the dungeon in which we venture, my thoughts must make a similar change of course.

However, this is far from a flight of fancy. It would, in fact, be wholly irresponsible not to explore this new passageway being built. For while smaller-minded men may give into the urge to claim sole credit for their achievements, all those in the dungeon know that without a party, they are lost.

I am joined in my travels by three companions. For the sake of anonymity and to ward against all future successes we may find after our return to the surface, I will refer to them by their chosen aliases: Ecto, Turntech, and Gnostio.

Turntech has been somewhat of a companion to me throughout my 90 years, both in terms of age due to his being my pseudo-twin and in terms of study. His accumulated knowledge of anatomy has been as much a boon to my personal research as his expertise in ancient dwarven technology, having previously unearthed a strange set of disks dubbed ‘turntables’- a truly archaic device which appears to me something of ritual significance. He will be assisting us in translation, navigation, and proper time management.

Gnostio is a native to the island whom I met when my brother and I arrived on Skaia, as well as someone intimately familiar with magic of many strands. There is no one on the island more knowledgeable about the flora which will be encountered within the dungeon, nor is there anyone quite so skilled in spatial manipulation. She will be helping to carry out research and act as our scout with the superior lupine senses of her beastman form. She is also, I suspect, to be the primary source of our collective morale going forward. Cheer is truly a strangely infectious thing.

While Ecto has little research experience beyond her brief work with the gold-stripping crews scraping the kingdom formerly known as Prospit clean of its luster, she is an invaluable part of the team; she is remarkably cool under pressure, and her mastery of teleportation magic is second only to her apparent affinity for the spirits of the wind, who flock to her as pets to a beloved master. While all of us have been on expeditions before, none have been on quite the number that Ecto has; therefore, if there is a leader, she may as well be the closest to it.

I take the time to introduce these players because there is one truth which applies to all dungeons: your survival depends entirely upon those who enter the dungeon. For the next two months, these three individuals will not only be a party- they will act as my companions, my flock, and, inevitably, will act as the lifeline which I depend on to live. 

This is even more true considering the small size of the party. While three of us have experience in doling out resurrection magic, and one has teleportation magic which can feasibly take us to the surface if straits become truly dire, it only takes one overwhelming enemy. While the four of us are not green in any sense of the word when it comes to fighting, we are still faced with an unavoidable truth: if we don’t break the dungeon, the dungeon may well break us.

When we reach the bottom of the dungeon to perhaps find that fictional ‘Skaia’ which the island derives its name- that endless pool of creativity where every desire is brought to startling life, sated with the fill of wonder- then, perhaps, we may turn. Perhaps the story of Prospit and Derse is less history and more omen; the long ago echo of a warning.

Regardless of this, I put my full faith in my compatriots. I entrust them my life.

For all my grandstanding about the academic nature of this work, this is, in part, a story. It is my story, if only because I am regrettably unable to attain the full objectivity that would find me in a fully controlled laboratory setting. 

While I endeavor to write this book alone, do not be alarmed should their hands also touch the pen. They are merely telling their part of the story as well.

[im-no-jedi]

alright. it’s finally time. after almost four years, the series that radically changed my life is coming to a close. I’ve seen several other people make posts about this, so I think it’s only fair that I write my own. be warned, this is going to be long, rambly, and only somewhat coherent LOL

when this show was first announced, I was shocked. although I had fallen in love with the Bad Batch during their arc in TCW, I was unsure how an entire show surrounding them could work. I was even more skeptical after I saw the trailers, which had this mysterious child show up. and as I’m sure all of you know by now, my feelings quickly turned around just after the first episode. I immediately was endeared to Omega and looked forward to seeing how the rest of their story played out. by the time the first season had ended, I was already deep in the planning stages of writing out my self-insert series, MLWTBB.

I honestly didn’t expect to love this show as much as I do. but I quickly realized why after the first season ended. (I'm gonna sound like a broken record for some of you, I'm sure LOL)

firstly, the characters. like I said, I loved TBB from the moment we saw them in TCW. and I immediately liked Omega as well. but the way these characters have been portrayed and fleshed out has only endeared them to me more. it became clear to me very quickly that these guys were an eerily similar analogy to my own family. I already saw a lot of myself in Hunter, but the rest of my family are very similar to them as well, even down to certain dynamics between each of them. not only that, but their struggles also mirror my family in that we’ve suffered several losses in our lives too. my mom sobbed like a baby when Kamino was destroyed because she saw similarities between that and a similar loss we’d endured irl. which, for me, is why it hits SO much harder when something bad happens to them. Plan 99 was devastating for many reasons, but for me, because I see so much of my dad in Tech, it felt like I was losing both of them. and having already had struggles with my dad irl… yeah. I feel like these guys ARE my family now, which has been the running theme in MLWTBB. and it's been cathartic both seeing them get through their struggles in the show, as well as portray my own struggles through my writing.

speaking of my writing, this show has inspired me so much creatively, that literally nothing else is comparable. I had already ventured into the realms of digital art previously to watching this show, as well as publicly sharing some of my writing. but not only did my art significantly improve due to all the pieces I was drawing for this show... but my writing skyrocketed. I finished writing a fanfic for the first time since I was FOURTEEN. and I've both written and finished several stories since then. and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. my art and writing will continue to flourish long after this show is over, I'm certain of that 😁

another thing is the real life impact this show has had on me. and honestly, this is the big one.

some of you have been following me for over a year or more now, so you'll probably recall the struggles I've had with my mental health, especially last year. I'd suspected that I had some mental disorder for a while now, but it was only last year that I really began to pursue the idea of getting diagnosed and treated. it of course began in therapy, then moved to having discussions with my parents about it. everyone was very supportive of me, thankfully... except for one person. myself. despite all of the work I'd done to move forward in my life, this was the hurtle I was struggling with the most. the fear of the unknown has always terrified me the most, so this unfamiliar territory was like a nightmare-scape to me.

then "The Crossing" happened.

fandom had headcanoned Tech being autistic for a while previous to this episode, myself included. some even liked to think all of them were neurodivergent in some way, again myself included. so when this episode dropped and we basically got the confirmation that our headcanon was correct? that. that was the push I needed. seeing this character that I love SO much in a show that I love SO much not only confirming his neurodiversity, but embracing it??? I literally told my mom that weekend that I was finally ready to get tested. and the rest is history. I'm now officially a part of the ND gang, and I've never regretted it for one second \o/

not only that... but I'm on meds now. meds that have altered my brain in such a way that I've NEVER felt before. my anxiety and depression no longer have a hold on me, and it's all thanks to this show 💙💙💙

and leading into that, the last thing I wanna mention is the connections I've made through this show. my entire family is (mostly) SW fans, so I've always had them to fangirl and discuss SW shows with. but I've missed having friends outside of the family to connect with. it's been YEARS since I've been involved in a fandom that had such a lovely group of people. and I know what some of you might say. and you're right. of course there's toxicity, just like any other fandom. but I can honestly say, I haven't met such a welcoming and friendly group of individuals as I have with this fandom. I've made some real, true, long-lasting friendships because of this show, and I'll be forever grateful for that. do the meds help? absolutely. but remember, I never would've even been on meds rn if not for this show either!!

and on that note, I just wanna call out some of the lovely people I've met, some whom I've only gotten to know recently! 🥰

@photogirl894 my beloved Morgan, my little sis, the Omega to my Hunter. you've been nothing but a joy and a blessing to me since the day I met you. I truly believe the Lord led you to me so that I could properly start this journey towards recovery and growth. I love you SO much, sweetie, thank you for being you 💙💙💙

@heyclickadee my dear friend, the conductor of the Tech Lives train. I've so appreciated your insight and wisdom in regard to all of the insanity. you genuinely helped get me through my depression after Plan 99, and you've continued to uplift me with your positivity and hopefulness. may we finally get to see our nerd alive and well again in your honor 🙏🏻

@clonethirstingisreal sweet Carol!! fellow Hunter simp!! getting to know you has been nothing short of amazing and wonderful! I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see an older fan amongst the young'ins LOL. we've been able to relate to each other in SO many ways, it still astounds me. I look forward to seeing your journey progress in hopefully similar ways to mine! 🥰

@lightwise @freesia-writes @better-to-bee @probadbatch (spacing this out so y'all get tagged properly)

@jedi-hawkins @anxiouspineapple99 @arctrooper69 @sunshinesdaydream and everyone else I've gotten to know both here and on Discord, THANK YOU!!!! thank you for letting me into your lives and for all the joy and laughs we've had together. I consider you ALL my friends, and I'm blessed to have met you all 💙💙💙💙💙

and finally, because I know she'll berate me if I don't mention her too, my best friend and irl sister @jam-n-ham. gurl, we have been through it, haven't we? you've been the sole witness to my reactions every week, and for that, I apologize LOL. but we have fun, at least, right? 😆 we've spent HOURS talking about this show, and I'm sure we'll have many more hours to come. you've also supported me and my writing, which I'm eternally grateful for (even if you can barely stomach the Hunter romance scenes ROFL). I can't wait to add in your additions to the story, and for you to see what I've been cooking up 😁 thanks for always being my no.1 bestie 🥰🥰🥰

I don't feel like rereading this before posting, so if there's any typos or whatever, oh well. the fact that I even got all of this out tonight is a miracle honestly haha. now if you'll excuse me, I have to start compiling every single box of tissues we own before tomorrow 😝

oh, and one last thing. an addendum if you will. I haven't been posting much of my thoughts about the finale for many reasons, but I'll just say this. ever since "The Return", I've been rotating Hunter's last words to Crosshair in my head, on repeat.

enough said✨

[eddie-brii]

So funny headcanon and a little drabble I have related to Jalim, some canon divergence here.

During quarantine together Jason asked Salim to teach him Arabic, in an attempt to awkwardly flirt as well as try to strengthen their relationship. At first the lessons were simple, both of them working on it in private until Jason had gotten a little better, his Montana twang making it difficult.

It was all going well until they had started working on it after a meal one evening, the other survivors around, low and behold they managed to catch some unwanted attention.

"So got any good dirty talk in that gibberish?" Merwin had a wicked grin on his face when he asked.

"I beg your pardon?" Salim looked confused and startled at the older marines intrusion. Jason dropped his head in hand, mortified at his subordinates behavior and tried to hide the blush starting in his cheeks. The question had caused a switch to flip in Jason's head, his brain imagining Salim's voice in his ear, whispering in Arabic. He did not need that right now.

"don't play innocent, can't tell me you've never had a pretty little thing call you daddy before in bed." A look of shock took over Salim's face as he realized what the vulgar man was implying, however, before he could reply Jason spoke up.

"Corporal Merwin, remove yourself from this conversation before you further offend our friend here."

"Aww, since when you care bout offending someone, LT?"

"May I remind you Lieutenant Othman here not only greatly assisted us but saved your sorry ass in the hut?" Salim saw a glint in Jason's eye before he continued to speak. "Besides, I wasn't aware that you needed to spice things up between you and Lance Corporal Gomez.

The last part had Merwin sputtering as laughter filled the common area from most of the other members of the group. Rachel had proceeded to continue where Jason had left off and thankfully distracting everyone from the two sitting in the corner. They made little progress as they both enjoyed the sudden lively atmosphere, Jason also grateful for the change as didn't want to dwell on the thoughts Merwin question had conjured up.

Unfortunately, later that evening he found he mind drifting back to the early conversation when Salim knocked on his door to finish what they had started. They had been at it for an hour before it was made apparent that Jason's heart wasn't in it.

"Is it the question your comrade asked earlier?" Jason's attention was drawn back to Salim at his words, he wasn't even aware when his brain started to drift, but he took the out instead of admitting what was on his mind.

"Merwin lacks social skills. I'm sorry if he offended ya by asking that shit, it was way outta line."

"It was no issue, I believe I've gotten somewhat used to his... Blunt manner." Salim shifted in his seat before continuing. "I had been more worried he suspected the.... newer nature of our relationship."

"I highly doubt that he would care beyond having some ammunition to fire at me." Jason turned his head down, staring at the bunk they were seated on. He didn't have his hat to hide behind as he felt Salim's eyes bore into him suddenly. The older man's hand came to his chin, making Jason meet his gaze.

"Though it does beg the question if you've learned enough to understand me should I try "dirty talk" as he put it." Jason's eyes went wide as his jaw dropped, Salim looked far too pleased with himself at the marines reaction. Jason recovered enough to close his mouth and swallow before replying.

"Only if you teach me what you want me to scream."

So just to clarify, I don't headcanon Joey and Merwin together. I think the ship is cute but I headcanon Joey as 19 or 20 with Merwin being 35. Plus I really like the brotherly dynamic between them.

[familiariscanis]

i don't care if bsd is believable. i don't care if the plot twists make sense, because honestly they never really have made much sense and they don't necessarily need to. bsd tends to be kind of ridiculous and a lot of times that's what makes it fun and endearing. i am perfectly willing to suspend my disbelief for this show.

i do care if bsd is rewarding tho, and i don't feel like this was a particularly rewarding season finale as far as dazai's character goes. another dazai ex machina ending to a season isn't the problem here for me; it's the doubt that resolution is retroactively casting on everything dazai has done and said in the last arc. it makes the sincerity of everything he said suspect. it makes me wonder if he was ever really in danger. how much dazai knew, how assured he was of his victory isn't entirely clear, but that doesn't really matter. what matters is that enough of the conflict in the mersault arc was shown to be not real, and that puts everything in a different light. it makes any vulnerability or weakness dazai showed during the arc seem inconsequential, and it makes it feel less genuine dazai's speech to chuuya when he was "drowning" chuuya was interesting when the chapter released because it had so many character and relationship implications. dazai, pragmatic and logical as he is, being capable of killing chuuya if he had to but not incapable of feeling nothing about it. it made you wonder if perhaps dazai might be doing something he'd regret, if he'd realize only once it's too late the true consequences of his actions. dazai saying for years that he wants to kill chuuya and genuinely believing that he wants him dead, only to realize once he's succeeded at that that his life is missing something without chuuya there to irritate him... that's interesting! that's opening up a whole world of possibilities for dazai's character and their relationship. even if chuuya survives, dazai still may be faced with the realization that hey, he doesn't want chuuya dead. it forces him to really reckon with the magnitude of importance chuuya has in his life, which, for all of their unspoken trust, may be something dazai has taken for granted. it might make him re-examine his feelings or himself. it might change the dynamic between them.

now that there's the possibility of it being pre-planned, that speech loses it's weight— and the character implications of it are somewhat lost. of course, there is the possibility that dazai didn't know at the time, that he only figured it out at some point during the events of the game. it's certainly open to interpretation and it's definitely interesting to interpret it that he didn't know at the time, but it's an equally valid interpretation that dazai knew all along, so it shifts the exploration of dazai's character and his feelings for chuuya from the realm of canon to fanon.

but the way that the vampire fake-out plot twist is presented does strip some of the possibility for vulnerability from dazai's words. it casts enough doubt on it to make it plausible that he was just fucking around, that it doesn't really mean anything. it keeps dazai in a secure place of superiority in the narrative and makes him immune to normal character flaws and weaknesses. dazai, as a person, is supposed to be learning to trust and he wins because of that trust, but it's falling flat for dazai as a character (for me, at least) because we don't believe there was ever really a risk that he'd fall. as the audinece, we can see asagiri setting up a safety net and it negates the impact of the trust fall that dazai is supposedly doing. basically this plot twist is the emotional equivalent to seeing a video of someone jumping off a ledge and then the camera zooms out and you realize what you thought was a 30 foot drop is actually only about 3 feet. and not only is it not rewarding, but it makes me feel like i was silly for being worried in the first place.