#im a chicken. i do not want to be murdered on tumblr yet again.

[yinyuedijun]

bluebird chapter 2 warnings and explanation (cw teenage sexuality, child sexual abuse)

hi everyone, bluebird chapter 2 deals pretty heavily with themes of teenage sexuality and csa. there is no onscreen csa or underage sex in this chapter, BUT there are extremely uncomfortable and explicit discussions about sex between teenagers, sometimes with reference to literal children. a lot of this takes place in a high school context where gross teenage boys are just doing things like rating girls, or teenage girls are just talking about their crushes on upperclassmen, but a lot of this also happens in the context of the foster system and the near-absence of social support experienced by the two protagonists of the story, who are both orphans.

now, as creating fiction about underage sexuality and csa is essentially the most cancellable offense of fandom (lol), I do feel compelled to explain my intent here. bluebird exists in conversation with the canon csm material, which is somewhat infamous for featuring a cringe 16y/o orphan boy who starts out obsessed with having sex, spends entire manga chapters trying to touch women's breasts, and is groomed by an older woman into risking his life for her agenda. I hope this is not surprising, but as this fic features two orphan teenagers who eventually fall under the control of this same older woman, these dynamics and themes become pretty much inescapable in this fic. underage sex, dubious consent, and grooming have been warnings on this fic since day 1 for a reason. this chapter is setting the stage for all of that.

I am building the narrative this way because the reader character of this fic is intended to be somewhat of a foil to denji. she is sexually impressionable and anxious because of her lack of support network (something I am trying to get at with this chapter), eventually gets groomed (unfortunately, she does not dodge the bullets that denji does in canon), and becomes hypersexual and heavily controlled by sex because of her circumstances (aka where denji could have easily ended up). after this initial descent into misery, the plan is to create an arc where she finds a family and develops meaningful, non-sexual relationships that allow her to heal - not too different from csm proper.

I actually don't know how much I will continue this fic. I suspect this chapter will be badly received because of the two-year gap in updates AND the cringe teenage behaviour rip. the writing is also not the best and two years of struggling over it has not changed that SDLKFSKDFJ. this actually makes it worse - without having the full context of the fic, I worry that someone out there is going to read this chapter and be like "huh why is this author so focused on teenagers/children having sex with each other? what a creep!" so I am posting this note to give full context as to why this chapter is the way that it is lol.

thanks for reading!

[fish-nibbler]

Questions 1-150 *hugs* :3

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Right now? I don’t know.. 

4. Are you easy to get along with? No

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? No, probably not..

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? The  uh.. Butch Lesbian kind.. And the ones that are way out of my league and/or age range. Also, apparently the ones that already have a gf and have no idea who I am...

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? No.. Unfortunately for me.. I don’t think anyone will be able to put up with my shit..

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? The guys who tell me that I’m ugly, stupid, and should kill myself.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Not anymore

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? No one.. People ignore me mostly

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “I’m sorry” -  But hey, what’s new?

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Can’t think of any.. They all make me think of my ex..

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes, it’s very relaxing and it calms me down almost instantly..

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? No.. Not anymore..

15. What good thing happened this summer? Nothing. Nothing “good” has happened.. People are telling me to kill myself, my gf left me for someone else right before pride weekend.. All of my “friends” are going on long vacations and I can’t talk to them... I just want to give up..

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? God yes..

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I guess

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No.. She uh.. She was pretty abusive..

19. Do you like bubble baths? Yes.. I haven’t been able to take one for a long time though..

20. Do you like your neighbors? No

21. What are you bad habits? Cutting, crying, feeling emotions..

22. Where would you like to travel? I don’t know.. It stresses me out.

23. Do you have trust issues? I did... then I got over it enough to open up to my crush but uh.. yea.. they’re back

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Don’t have a routine anymore other than self-destruction

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? All of it

26. What do you do when you wake up? Cry

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Lighter

28. Who are you most comfortable around? I was comfortable around my ex.. but she hasn’t wanted anything to do with me since she broke it off.. she’s probably ranting about me rn saying that I’m a clingy, annoying, slutty piece of shit that has a mommy kink... she she’s not wrong..

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No.. But they have said they regret dating me..

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yeah.. But I know it’ll never happen..

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Not anymore

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? None

33. Spell your name with your chin. 

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Nope

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yeah.. I try not to anymore though..

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Try to think about something they like to talk about and try to bring it up..

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Patient and loving.. 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? I don’t know.. I guess anime shops at the mall? Anime Eagle and stuff like that..

40. What do you want to do after high school? I was looking at St. Kate’s

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yeah

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? It means that I’m really really depressed..

43. Do you smile at strangers? Sometimes..

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Outer Space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Nothing

46. What are you paranoid about? Everything

47. Have you ever been high? Yes and I desperately want to be high right now..

48. Have you ever been drunk? Not yet

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I don’t care anymore

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Blue and white

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes, always

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Everything

53. Favourite makeup brand? Don’t really wear make-up much but I don’t know.. I guess Elf products are nice

54. Favourite store? Don’t have one

55. Favourite blog? I have a couple..

56. Favourite colour? Lavender and light blues.. stuff like that

57. Favourite food?

58. Last thing you ate? Rice

59. First thing you ate this morning? Uh... Sunflower seeds around.. 10-11-ish?

60. Ever won a competition? For what? No

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Suspended for attempted murder. Some girl told a teacher that I put a sharp pencil to her throat and threatened to kill her. I didn’t... But the school doesn’t listen to kids like me.

62. Been arrested? For what? Not yet

63. Ever been in love? Yeah. And then she tore my heart out and told me that she would be there if I ever needed her.. She hasn’t been there.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was in a school bathroom.. perks of being a lesbian I guess..

65. Are you hungry right now? No.. I want to puke

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Yeah..

67. Facebook or Twitter? Neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? No

70. Names of your bestfriends?

71. Craving something? What?

72. What colour are your towels? A very pale Jade Green

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

75. Favourite animal?

76. What colour is your underwear? Pink

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Pink and White

80. What colour pants? Black

81. Favourite tv show?

82. Favourite movie?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

87. First person you talked to today? 

88. Last person you talked to today?

89. Name a person you hate? my ex, my first gf/ex i guess

90. Name a person you love? also my ex, but a different one

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? myself

92. In a fight with someone?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

95. Last movie you watched?

96. Favourite actress?

97. Favourite actor?

98. Do you tan a lot?

99. Have any pets? 5

100. How are you feeling? Like I want to jump infront of a fucking train

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

103. Can you spell well?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes, I cried over my abusive-ish ex the other day... at least with her I could pretend I was loved.. pretty sure relationships are suppose to be abusive..

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? no - i want to tho

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes

108. What should you be doing? dying

109. Is something irritating you right now?

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes..

111. Do you have trust issues? yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom because i felt guilty for eating

113. What was your childhood nickname?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes

115. Do you play the Wii? no

116. Are you listening to music right now? no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? eh

118. Do you like Chinese food? no

119. Favourite book? dont have one rn

120. Are you afraid of the dark? kinda

121. Are you mean? I’m a completely heartless fuck

122. Is cheating ever okay? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? hell no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? not anymore

125. Do you believe in true love? nope

126. Are you currently bored? eh

127. What makes you happy? I don’t know anymore..

128. Would you change your name? yes

129. What your zodiac sign? aries

130. Do you like subway?

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? fuck him and then leave him because im a heartless slut. haven’t you been paying attention?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed, but cracked open for my cats

137. How tall are you? 5ft

138. Curly or Straight hair? ive got straight hair

139. Brunette or Blonde? im a brunette

140. Summer or Winter? both

141. Night or Day? night

142. Favourite month? dont have one

143. Are you a vegetarian? no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk

145. Tea or Coffee? tea

146. Was today a good day? no

147. Mars or Snickers? snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote? 

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

[thetummyhand]

bored.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my mom lol i’m lame

2. Are you outgoing or shy? so shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? no one?

4. Are you easy to get along with? if you don’t mind carrying a conversation then yeah

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? i don’t like anyone atm

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? nice people?

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? nope

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? louuuuis

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? kinda, depends on who i’m talking to

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Bre

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “lol yeah?”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? 1) Ed Sheeran - Happier, 2) JHO, 3) Little Mix - F.U. 4) Ed Sheeran - Tenerife Sea, 5) Ed Sheeran - Barcelona... lots of Ed right now

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? oh heck yeah

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? no

15. What good thing happened this summer? i got to go on vacation to the oregon coast for a week and we stayed in a house right on the beach. i wish i was there now

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? no

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? idk man

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? ....

19. Do you like bubble baths? yeah

20. Do you like your neighbors? i’ve never talked to any of them

21. What are you bad habits? there are so many and they’re all embarrasing

22. Where would you like to travel? literally anywhere outside the US

23. Do you have trust issues? big time

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? sleeping

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? all of it?

26. What do you do when you wake up? pee lol

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? i’m fine with it as is

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my family

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? nope

30. Do you ever want to get married? yeah

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? oh yeah

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? hahahaha omg, uhhhhh... i’d rather not say

33. Spell your name with your chin. klwe

34. Do you play sports? What sports? i used to play soccer and baseball

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? without TV, i do that now. unless you count youtube as tv? nah even then i need music for my happiness

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? ALL THE TIME

37. What do you say during awkward silences? something that ends up being stupid... then i kinda walk away in shame

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? can i steal harry’s answer? someone who’s nice, has a good sense of humor

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? h&m, zumiez, old navy.... basic bitch over here

40. What do you want to do after high school? lol i’ve been out of school for... 6 years? holy shit. 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? not always. it majorly depends on what they did. if someone cheats on you, i think yes. if they murdered someone, no

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? that i don’t know what the fuck to say

43. Do you smile at strangers? yeah

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? neither both sounds scary as fuck

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? responsiblities and louis

46. What are you paranoid about? ??

47. Have you ever been high? yup

48. Have you ever been drunk? yup

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? lol yeah

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? green <3 its my tentree hoodie

51. Ever wished you were someone else? every day of my life

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my depression. i’d like to have ambitions and care about things

53. Favourite makeup brand? urban decay

54. Favourite store? dude i love target

55. Favourite blog? whereslouis, wellingtontat, tmlnsn, viplourry... i can go on

56. Favourite colour? green

57. Favourite food? scallops!!

58. Last thing you ate? burrito 

59. First thing you ate this morning? burrito

60. Ever won a competition? For what? i don’t think so

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope

62. Been arrested? For what? underage drinking...

63. Ever been in love? no

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? forceful

65. Are you hungry right now? no

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i have no real friends so yeah

67. Facebook or Twitter? neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? no

70. Names of your bestfriends? n/a

71. Craving something? What? chocolate like a lot

72. What colour are your towels? green, blue, gray, cream

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? there’s one on my bed but i do’nt like cuddle with it while i sleep it just chills pushed aghainst the wall

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 3

75. Favourite animal? sting rays <3

76. What colour is your underwear? white

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? usually vanilla but rn its chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? anything Tillamook

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? green

80. What colour pants? they’re shorts. black.

81. Favourite tv show? parks & rec

82. Favourite movie? i really like Whip It and Wonder Woman

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? i haven’t seen the 2nd so 1

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? eh

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? why the obsession with mean girls? its not even that good?

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? eh

87. First person you talked to today? i’ve been home alone

88. Last person you talked to today? my mom

89. Name a person you hate? myself?

90. Name a person you love? louis

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? see 89

92. In a fight with someone? see 89

93. How many sweatpants do you have? so many its all i wear when i’m not at work. i blame louis

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? like 300

95. Last movie you watched? Wonder Woman for the 2nd time ^.^

96. Favourite actress? atm its Gal Gadot

97. Favourite actor? Ryan Reynolds

98. Do you tan a lot? no

99. Have any pets? 1 doggo

100. How are you feeling? like i need a nap

101. Do you type fast? average for my generation

102. Do you regret anything from your past? how mcuh time do you have?

103. Can you spell well? i like to think os

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? kinda, bittersweetly

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? no

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse? when i was little

108. What should you be doing? cleaning and going to the gym

109. Is something irritating you right now? not really

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? louis

111. Do you have trust issues? this was already asked

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom?

113. What was your childhood nickname? i didn’t have one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes

115. Do you play the Wii? no

116. Are you listening to music right now? yeah, I’ve been on an Ed Sheeran kick lately

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? when i’m sick

118. Do you like Chinese food? yeah 

119. Favourite book? the Covenant series by Jennifer Armentrout

120. Are you afraid of the dark? i’m afraid of the unknown

121. Are you mean? i can be

122. Is cheating ever okay? idk

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? nope

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? nope

125. Do you believe in true love? i’ll believe it when i see it

126. Are you currently bored? thats why im here

127. What makes you happy? louis

128. Would you change your name? nah

129. What your zodiac sign? libra

130. Do you like subway? yeah man veggie sandwiches are my shit

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? nothing?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? this was already asked

133. Favourite lyrics right now? I’m in love, so in love

134. Can you count to one million? who the fuck has that much time

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? can’t think of one now

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? open

137. How tall are you? 5′9

138. Curly or Straight hair? is mine or what do i prefer? i like wavy which is also what mine is

139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette

140. Summer or Winter? neither

141. Night or Day? night

142. Favourite month? october

143. Are you a vegetarian? struggling

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk

145. Tea or Coffee? coffee

146. Was today a good day? its no over yet

147. Mars or Snickers? neither

148. What’s your favourite quote? idk

149. Do you believe in ghosts? nah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? Leaves filled the air, and the small group of Shadowhunters choked on dust. (Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare)