#i stumbled over all my words

[thatravenpuffgirl]

ballad of homeschooled girl is me, I am ballad of a homeschooled girl

i can't even say how much i relate to this song like omg

olivia is an absolute queen and you must go listen to her music right now <3

[portsandstars]

This past weekend I was lucky enough to meet Hikazio (Touchstarved's business dev<3)

She told me that the developers share fanart in their discord server, and seeing all the love and affection that fans have for the game helps to motivate them and give them energy 💕it's really amazing to think that they've possibly seen so many of the beautiful fanart pieces that I've seen myself!

She was SO nice and I'm really grateful she took the time to talk with me for a little while ^.^

[thepartysdone]

in the bedroom. straight up "waiting for it to load". and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. My porno

[tmntismdoodls]

Talking is hard

edit: first image should say “lost speech” not nonverbal (cannot change on mobile and pc is broken) “going nonverbal/nonspesking” should not be used to describe temporary speech loss

[tittyinfinity]

I'm performing in my first improv show today🥰

[batsplat]

Is there any evidence showing how the audience reacts to Jorge's celebrations? I'm wondering, like, what if Jorge and Vale swapped their celebrations, would the audience like it more just because Valentino did it? Is it actually about the celebration itself or more about the person doing it?

oh they sure would've liked it more if valentino had done it!! like, the answer is that it's about both those things: what the celebrations are and what performs them. and in 2007... the vibes were still broadly pro-jorge, but he did already have plenty of detractors, plenty of those who thought he was a cocky shit - if not as yet an actively hostile casual audience. still, he wasn't valentino. valentino was valentino, those celebrations would've of course been received differently from him

and yes, let's lead with the obvious here: becoming valentino's rival certainly didn't help his cause. in early 2008, the commentators have been talking up how he's finally winning the people over and he's had such a bright and promising start to the premier class... but then we have to put a bit of a pause on that while jorge more or less disappears for most of the rest of the season, spending most of his time licking various wounds. then you get 2009 and the title fight between the two of them... while jorge did have plenty of support, especially from his own country, and he wasn't necessarily hated yet by the casual audience.... well, going by his biography, he was a bit too aware of how he was perceived:

Jorge Lorenzo thought that he might come under fire for battling against Dani Pedrosa, the other rider fighting to be Spain's number one MotoGP favourite, rather than anything else. How wrong he was! On the Internet the majority of criticism has come from Rossi fans - even in his own country! It is definitely a subject that touches a nerve. Jorge is well aware of the discussions that take place on the Internet - he's a seasoned web surfer and he keeps m touch with what's going on on the forums, as well as interacting with his fans - so there have been plenty of occasions where his typing fingers have clenched into fists of frustration. 'It is amazing what you have to put up with in your own country. We have two guys winning races and fighting for the title, and still lots of people stand up for riders from other countries. Okay, I understand why they support Rossi, because he has won nine titles, he's an incredible rider and he has earned their respect - and mine. But there are these other scumbags - disrespectful and bad-mannered people - who are Rossi fanatics and get enjoyment out of insulting us. They almost want me dead! I hope I never have to hear any kind of abuse or insults towards another rider from a "Lorenzista". That would really sadden me.'

obviously, no athlete should read what people write about them on the internet, like that's just a fundamental case where somebody on his team should be telling him 'no, don't do that :)' and get him to practise some social media hygiene. but of course, it is interesting that it kinda makes him the first rider who was like... online... what does it change, if the rider themselves is up to date with the discourse

so. I have been known to peruse motogp forums myself. it's hard to get a great read of fan sentiment at various points in time beyond what the journalists and the commentators and the occasional relevant book can tell you. forums are obviously not particularly representative either BUT it's still kinda interesting to give yourself a sense of the discourse at the time, what talking points existed and so on. which brings me to my other point: while the rivalry with valentino inevitably exacerbated the situation, jorge already had some baggage with viewers going back to his 250cc days - where he was inarguably a lot. just to give you a taster, from april 2008:

a rich text!

so, to some extent, the narrative of jorge as 'the villain' was something that already existed in early 2008. it wasn't unrelated to emerging as a valentino rival, even then, but it was also not entirely about that. like, the main opponents jorge was linked to in people's minds back then were dovi and dani! (and john hopkins, apparently.) the other narrative you already find here that became quite common over the next few years: okay, jorge was 'the villain', but it's also good for a sport to have something like that. someone to root against. someone who comes across as a bit arrogant, a bit full of himself... even if he doesn't mean to be seen as that

and yes, this stuff does definitely get worse in 2009, which is how you get jorge reading stuff along these lines about himself online - including from his compatriots. he didn't think he'd be unpopular for fighting valentino! he thought it'd be about dani! and the thing is, jorge isn't happy whatsoever with this tag of 'villain' that had followed him since his 250cc days. it's something that comes through a lot in the biography as well as his 2010 title winning season documentary: he feels misunderstood, he wants people to get what he's really all about. he spends so much time worrying about how people will perceive him, attempting to figure out how to better communicate with them... but in reality, a lot of people had already seen all they needed to see. fighting valentino wasn't the starting point for that, and it's likely jorge would have always ended up in a bit of a heel role anyway - but obviously, being valentino's teammate didn't help

then 2010 came, the relationship between the pair of them finally deteriorated publicly, and after valentino's injuries jorge was dominating his way towards his first title. this is when things really begin to change for him. he still had the early season celebrations, drowning himself in jerez and the yellow chair of le mans, plus of course the title celebrations - but, well. I think at a certain point, if you're jorge, you can worry about what people online are saying as much as you want... but you have to figure out what's more important to you: being popular or winning. because maybe, it's just not going to be possible for you to have both. maybe, however much you want to find out a way to connect with the people, to charm them, to bring them on your side with your joyous and creative celebrations, to get them to love you the way you feel you deserve to be loved... maybe they've already made up their minds. maybe, there's only so much you can do... the dorna-produced documentary may be defiant, but it is also frustrated. jorge knows people don't see him how he wants to be seen, and he has run out of things to try to change that

to give an example of how warped perception of him had become by end of 2010:

So at Sepang, Lorenzo was the object of intense scrutiny, his every action dissected and discussed like a presidential candidate's acceptance address. And naturally, when Lorenzo pulled over on the cool down lap after finally securing the championship that had been his life-long goal, the fact that he missed Ben Spies' hand offered in congratulation was jumped upon by the voracious pack and imbued with a significance normally reserved for the actions of mystics and gurus. It was a Deliberate Act, said those whom Lorenzo had angered by stealing Rossi's crown, a Snub. It was aimed at Establishing the Pecking Order in the Yamaha garage for next year, the conspiracists insisted, kicking off the 2011 season within seconds of the 2010 season being settled. Lorenzo, the angry mob proclaimed, deliberately ignored Spies to show him who was boss. Watching the video in isolation, you might even be persuaded that the conspiracists had a point. Spies pulls up next to Lorenzo, tries to shake his hand, which Lorenzo does not respond to, then Spies rides off shaking his head. Proof positive that it was a deliberate and malicious act, say the conspiracists. Like all conspiracy theorists, those who say Lorenzo deliberately snubbed Spies overlook one major factor, however: Human nature. When Spies pulled over to congratulate Lorenzo, the Spaniard was in a daze. Members of his fan club had started the preparations for the complex and impenetrable celebration they had planned before the race, and Lorenzo was clearly struggling to remember what it was he was supposed to be doing. He had marshalls, photographers and his friends all around him, all slapping him on the back, poking him in the gut and touching his arms. There was a lot going on. Most of all, though, this was the moment that it all started to sink in for Lorenzo. After a tough race in stifling tropical conditions - the race had been shortened by one lap at the request of the riders, because the Sepang race is so physically demanding in the heat and humidity - Lorenzo had finally crossed the line in one piece, and with enough points to win the title. He had achieved a lifelong dream, a goal he had dedicated himself to for at least the past 15 years. A goal that he had sacrificed his relationship with his family, his relationship with his manager, and even his relationship with the only girl he ever loved to achieve. Finally, for the first time in his life, he was MotoGP World Champion. He had gone through several harrowing weeks before finally reaching this goal: He had lost points to Dani Pedrosa three races in a row, putting Pedrosa back in with a chance. After Pedrosa injured himself at Motegi, and Lorenzo could have wrapped up the title, he was surprised to be given a good old-fashioned smackdown by his teammate, reminding him that the title is never certain until it's officially in the bag. Those fairing-banging passes between Rossi and Lorenzo reminded the Spaniard of his vulnerability, that a simple mistake can cause a serious injury, and undo all the hard work of a season in a fraction of a second. Finally it was over, and the title was in the bag. At last, after weeks of pressure, Lorenzo could relax. As he pulled over, the emotions washed over him, elation, relief, exhaustion. Within seconds, he had fans around him starting on the Spaniard's meticulously planned celebration. He had barely gathered his thoughts to start dealing with the complexities of that celebration when Spies pulled up beside him, tried to shake Lorenzo's hand, then rode off shaking his head, probably in bemusement at the state of Lorenzo, a reminder of his own emotions at winning the World Superbike title last year. By the time Hiroshi Aoyama shook Lorenzo's hand (the third rider to do so), he had recovered enough of his composure to act as expected, and acknowledge the gesture appropriately.

and here:

There is no question that Lorenzo's actions are open to interpretation. The video only shows men whose faces are hidden by helmets, and whose intentions are therefore much more difficult to interpret. It is entirely possible to read the entire event as a deliberate snub to Spies, and a warning for the future. Occam's razor, however, suggests a simpler explanation: that Lorenzo was overwhelmed, and not completely aware of what was going on. Later, once Valentino Rossi arrived to congratulate the Spaniard, Lorenzo had fully recovered his composure. He accepted the Italian's congratulations in the spirit in which they were offered: begrudgingly and half-heartedly. Once in parc ferme, the childish rivalry continued, with Lorenzo trying to hog the limelight after winning the title, and Rossi trying to steal it after winning his 46th race for Yamaha. They both may ride the same bike and bear the same colors, but Rossi and Lorenzo are still a very long way from being teammates. The rivalry between Lorenzo and Rossi is much of the fuel feeding the conspiracies about Lorenzo's behavior. With such a fierce rivalry between the current teammates, surely this must continue into next year, when Ben Spies takes the place of Rossi in the factory Yamaha garage? That is surely the driving force behind Lorenzo's behavior in those few seconds, the conspiracists ask. Lorenzo himself today responded to questions on the issue on Twitter, posting the following response to the many people who had asked him if he had deliberately ignored Spies at Sepang: "I had some messages asking me why I didn't pay attention to Spies when he wanted to congratulate me. I have to say that I didn't see... ...And feel he was there at that the moment of our celebration. I just told this to him. He is a good guy and we have a good relationship."

it started before valentino, it became worse as a result of valentino, it extends beyond valentino. but, as ever, valentino is inescapable - and in the end he is so to jorge even around the time of jorge's greatest and sweetest success. to jorge there are two wars going on during that time period: one for the title and one for the hearts of the people. he has won one of them, but he keeps finding himself frustrated in the other. still. he might not have openly admitted as much in as many words, but there was one war that was always going to be more important than the other. if given the choice, he was going to win

so then. after that, jorge settles for his defiance, becomes a hardier, steely version of himself as the rest of the alien era unfolds. it is an era of motogp that is deeply unpopular at the time - and so, increasingly, is he. it is not universal dislike, of course it isn't. but it is definitely a feature of motogp during those years. he becomes readier to lean into that role, over time, prepared to play the heel if that is the role he has been cast to play. but the desire to be understood never entirely went away... there aren't many riders who have studied valentino so closely, certainly few who are so fascinated by the secrets by valentino's enduring charisma and popularity. perhaps none who were so determined to capture some of that magic for themselves. if anyone on this planet was aware, then, of how much better any of these celebrations would have been received coming from valentino - well, it would most certainly have been jorge himself

[good-beans]

💖

[eric-the-bmo]

sigh. have we considered. that im just better at writing characters than roleplaying.

[someonewhogotanaccount]

I have an oral exam tomorrow and I’m really scared so please pray for me.

[bmpmp3]

dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

reread the rest thus far of lackadaisy and there's the both v easy & difficult task of gathering a shit ton but only a shit ton of excerpts (like every single page is a highlight i'm not exaggerating)

and every single element is superlative and the way it all only becomes More So....already mentioned the way the like smooth gradient shading made the successful evocation of 3D Shapes more noticeable, along w/the consistent geometries of character design & details in fabric folds; the way Lighting & Coloring only goes on to become more prominent elements only enhances that further. the compositions, backgrounds, pacing, angles....everything is so dynamic & expressive, such as including the expressions which you know i also Love / absorbed

going "hell yes for people to discover this superlative comic" then having to occasionally refresh past site traffic overloaded server errors like "nooo" but actually yes

whilest clapping & cheering for the fun of everyone who's been here a minute. My God the invigorating reward when again i started reading in '07 & the concept of rocky & freckle on a "proper" run had only manifested via fun official bonus art, then a literal decade later as it was actually happening in the comic like screeeeaammm i can feel it coming in the air tonight oh lord etc....i've loved following it, again, if i see another new comic page. i am going to be Enriched

i also really was right on the ball myself this time around like okay okay yep i have picked up on Everything, at least to the degree i can lmao. i love the mysteries. i love how Character Focused it is too ofc and there's no characters i'm uniterested in / dislike. you gotta point to one of them, truly, and i have been a [pointing at freckle] enjoyer these fifteen years but fr i am a connoisseur of everyone, i love that so many characters are a weird mysterious chaos element story driver in their own right. i considered mordecai more intently than ever, love his like ultra mystery (and that we leave off on him doing some detectiving even) and truly fun that like, the source of the more Immediate problems he keeps having in every damn interaction isn't the like [wow mordecai with the just diving into the hatchet murdering] factor so much as it's that he's generally like "i am just standing here" and is not nt in any way that matters and people insist on fucking with him on that front. the peak tragedy of him in a bonus comic getting bullied into having to dance with someone to Be Polite like i'm so sorry i wish you could be that ficus too. anyways intrigued with the marigold &/or mordecai mysteries including that it's like, how coincidental is it that he talks about marigold having a thorn in its side & the savoys' nickname for him is peekon = thorn. there is so much to consider, love that for us truly. and i'm rooting for mordecai & nicodeme's dynamic out here, is another conclusion....very enriched by comparing & contrasting that serafine nicodeme mordecai triumvirate with the rocky ivy freckle one, to be sure. im enriched

i'm also enriched by every footnote that's got like historical facts / research notes / [this is inaccurate for xyz prioritization but here's the disclaimer] explanations. i Love information. and everything else like i loooove this comic it's Soooo Fucking putting my hands to my temples and inhaling at length through my teeth

[thepartysdone]

(grabs you by the shoulders) stagedorks isn't "girlboss x malewife" they are two sides of the same coin. both so sad, insecure, and lonely and trying so desperately to fit in. do you get it. the reason they fit so well together is because it's when they're together that they can truly be themselves. it's because they understand that deep-seated desire to be understood and fit in. do you get it.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

trying not to say anything accidentally vulgar or offensive in a foreign language you dont yet master:

[dearestagony]

@sweetcobaltblue :: continued from here.

Lenny blushes, her face turning a deep shade of red as she stares at the CEO. She bows her head, looking down at the parks soft grass. "Golly! Um, you're v-very sweet. I - I wish more p-p-people could see this side of you." She clasps her hands together, awkwardly playing with her fingers as she speaks.

[caught-in-the-filter]

Feeling some type of way about the SAer among other things winning AGAIN, and FL’s reproductive rights amendment not passing even with the majority vote wanting it.

It’s not just about abortion. It’s never just about abortion. It’s about healthcare and basic human rights.

It’s about my first ever gynecology appointment, with a female gynecologist because I’d thought that would be both “safer” and “purer” than letting a man see and touch me “down there” unwed even in a medical setting. It’s about the fact that she didn’t believe I was a virgin in my early twenties. It’s about the fact that my mom, thank god she was there, had to insist more than once on a pediatric speculum on my behalf before the doctor finally listened and switched it, because I didn’t know there were different sizes they could use. It’s about the fact that the doctor didn’t listen when I fucking *begged* her to be patient and go slower because the speculum hurt so badly because I’d never had anything inside me before. It’s about the fact that I had to pretend I was fine when I stood up from that uncomfortable table-seat afterwards and realized she’d made me bleed. It’s about the fact that all my life I was told I’d go to hell for something like that, that even a medical procedure could make me somehow “impure” because it broke something inside me even out of necessity. It’s about the fact that I had to quietly panic-research “hymen” and how that even works because we are not taught our own anatomy in school because it and our mere existence is “inappropriate.” It’s about the fact that even the somewhat neutral resources I found contradicted each other, so I still don’t fully understand my own body or what actually happened that day when I bled.

It’s about the fact that raising concerns about excessive menstrual bleeding and painful cramps resulted in the doctor asking simply, “Do you want birth control or ibuprofen?” It’s about the fact that growing up in conservative churches made it clear that abstinence was the only way to live out of wedlock, and the best and purest form of birth control, that taking anything for it meant I had sexual intentions, which would mean I was going to hell for being a whore even if they couldn’t physically stone me to death for it anymore then. It’s about the fact that my only options are to fuck with my hormones and cycle in hopes it helps a little, or give myself future stomach ulcers I didn’t know then could be a side effect of NSAIDs. It’s about the fact that I have to pop that ibuprofen like candy anyway so I don’t feel like I’m dying for at least a week every month. It’s about the fact that so many with even worse complications than me need a non-existent future husband’s *permission* to be able to get hysterectomies even when it’s 100% necessary, because some hypothetical man that doesn’t exist has more say over her body and what it endures than she does.

It’s about the fact that my mom’s doctors ignored her uterine fibroids until they were so big that her uterus was fused to her bladder and she was bleeding so heavily and irregularly until someone finally listened and didn’t just say, “Lose weight,” which is a whole other degrading issue. It’s about the fact that her previous doctor *knew* about the fibroids and didn’t tell my mom, just gave her a passing, “Oh, they got even bigger?” in the office to her surprise, when it was too late to do the minimally-invasive laparoscopic version of the procedure which they could have done if he’d mentioned them sooner. It’s about the fact that she’d already had two kids and a miscarriage in-between and a tubal ligation, and her doctors still ignored her medical needs for years. It’s about the fact that her surgery was years ago and things have only gotten worse. It’s about the fact that as my cramps and bleeding only get worse, as ibuprofen hurts more than it helps, I’m afraid to start birth control only for the chance it could be taken away completely. It’s about the fact that I’m afraid to *not* be on birth control because rapists get congratulations and powerful offices and applause, but I’d get sent to jail or sent to my death with the consequences of their actions. It’s about the fact that I don’t know if I could find a doctor who would sterilize me by my own choice. It’s about the fact that I can’t afford, nor afford to take time off work for, an invasive surgery I shouldn’t have to endure just to keep myself safe.

It’s about the fact that every fucking day, all day, Hims and Viagra and however many other erectile disfunction ads are broadcast in every medium “for better performance in bed.” It’s about the fact that I am expected and required to not want anything to do with any performance in bed, while simultaneously expected to take it with a smile if a man wants it of me. It’s about the fact that in either case, I am the only one who’s considered impure. It’s about the fact that merely wearing shorts in an increasingly hotter climate is seen as “asking for it” but wearing full coverage in spite of it is seen as “needing to lighten up.” It’s about the fact that even if I were married and procreating on purpose and did every single thing The Right Way, but “God decided it wasn’t my time to have a child,” that we would both be left to bleed to death, that I would be left to bleed to death in my grief when at least I could be saved. It’s about the fact that that’s not an exaggeration and is happening all over the US because doctors are either restricted or afraid or agree with the bans themselves.

It’s about the fact that it’s not just about me, but the response to my outrage and grief is, “Why do you care if you’re not having sex? You’re not planning to need an abortion anyway, right?” It’s about the fact that yes it still very fucking much is about me, and about you, and about the people in your life you at least pretend to or think you care about. And it’s about the fact that we need to frame it as “your daughters, your wives, etc.” because you can’t possibly be expected to care about anyone you don’t already think you own and/or anyone outside your immediate periphery beyond “sending thoughts and prayers” when the system you praise and kill for is the root of the problem. It’s about the fact that even then, so many of you would rather see you’re so-called loved ones dead too than see them not conforming to your hypocritical ideas of perfection and righteousness. It’s about the fact that you think that’s somehow better and destined and even merciful. It’s about the fact that you think all this death is somehow “pro-life” or simply write it off as collateral damage like it’s their fault. And it’s about the fact that you can’t even see just how misguided and horrible you are through those pretty stained glass windows. I know, I lived inside them too, I believed you that we were being good and doing the right thing and thinking the right way too, I hadn’t actually read the book we were hitting people with then myself yet either, but then I grew up and learned what you really mean, what any of it really means, and that that book is a weapon wielded for power and to enforce compliance in a corrupt system masquerading as holy. I pity you, I pity me, I pity all of us. But I am *enraged* on behalf of the people who have already suffered and lost so much because we live in a world that refuses to see women first and foremost as human, and refuses to see humans beyond our own selves as deserving of the most basic decency and autonomy.

[singlethread]

Ballad of a homeschooled girl is unfortunately so relatable for me