#i still maintain that I am an old soul

[sheeezu]

Master Directionary

Short introduction - who?

H e l l o. Very warm welcome to my very messy blog. I used to get upset at the jumbled presentation but I think it represents what I want to feel like - a warm nostalgic home, with old dusty curtains and trinkets scattered around, blankets on the ground.

My name is Umme Hani, (just Hani is perfect). My username is a nickname for my home self- you can refer to me as both.

I've shifted! That's my most remarkable achievement in life. Feel free to bombard me with asks that make me think, even ones that directly challenge me (be respectful, yknow, according to societal norms) I love a good debate.

Shifting wise I shift in and out of reality frequently. I am a very private person in terms of my main reality- home reality, but that is limited to my relationship there, you can at any time ask me how I've world built and other aspects there!

I have been really transparent regarding my shifting experience on here, you can look through my account and hopefully you can relate to my experiences.

I am bipolar. Mine's an unmedicated case. So if I have misbehaved with you in the past, I wish you can forgive me!! That is usually an episode which ranges from depressive to angry maniac. (I'm not apologising to some aholes, so don't get your hopes high, especially terfs.)

Okay? Okay :) +++ I don't ignore asks, dms on purpose, I'll try my best to answer!! Fair warning sometimes I dissappear for weeks on end in pursuit of some spiritual awakening- yes.... that's what it is.

(Btw I love golden, sunsets, homey aesthetics)

READ.

Read before sending an ask

A conclusive list of my asks

If you don't like me, don't agree with my beliefs, just block me, there isn't a single thing you could do to change them.

(Btw, if you're rude, I will send soul sucking demons your way)

I'm not grammatically deaf or weak in English, but I sometimes write in words which make no sense, which happens to ruin the entire meaning of a sentence. Idk why this happens, but please correct me if anything seems off, I really don't mind.

⋆✴︎˚Directionary:⋆✴︎˚｡

Shifting Portal:

1. Shifting methods

✴︎My main shifting method + my shifting journey

✴︎Emergency shifting routine (1 day deadline)

✴︎Shift by channeling

✴︎Energy conversion method

2. Shifting/consciousness theory proofs

✴︎ Shifting proof

✴︎Consciousness theory proof (ask)

✴︎Shifting motivation via proof of consciousness theory (ask)

✴︎Nature of reality/how to prove it to yourself (ask)

3. Shifting tips

✴︎Commonly asked shifting questions

✴︎Embodying one's true nature/self (ask)

✴︎Scripting a DR from scratch (ask)

✴︎Getting rid of intrusive thoughts (ask)

✴︎Letting go of your previous reality and circumstances to shift

4. Shifting storytimes

✴︎Four part short stories (Socialite, hogwarts, dead poets society, home DR)

✴︎Random story 1 (home DR)

✴︎Random story 2 (home DR) (ask)

✴︎Random story 3 (home DR) (ask)

✴︎Random story 4 (home DR) (ask game)

6. Shifting misc.

✴︎Things to expect when you've mastered shifting

✴︎My DR s/o (ask)

✴︎Shifting quote

✴︎My DR list

✴︎Chaotic minishift experience

✴︎Shifting tips from other realites

✴︎Shifting blackboard

✴︎ Non-dualism and shifting

✴︎ What to do if you haven't shifted for years

✴︎ How to shift

✴︎ Shifting posts dump

7. Post which further uncovers my unhinged personality

✴︎An example of an "update" on this blog

✴︎DR self akin to a literal cat

8. Self made subliminals

Shifting:

✴︎Subliminal + google drive link

✴︎Subliminal affirmation list

✴︎The godzilla of (shifting) subliminals

Creator mentality:

Creator mentality + shift subliminal

Void state:

✴︎Void state + creator mentality

This post will be maintained frequently. (hopefully)

because I realized it doesn't matter where I am, I can still maintain my tumblr blog, I suppose I fell in love with this little space I've made for myself.

[shra-vasti]

DESIRE: UNLEASH, UNRAVEL, UNMASK, SJY

SYNOPSIS: When you are assigned as a psychiatric nurse in a quiet, unsettling and remote town, you expected lonesome, boredom even, and not the creeping sense that something was wrong. Then you are asked to temporarily monitor Sim Jake, a long term patient, when his regular nurse takes sudden leave. At first he's just another case for you, then you started noticing strange behaviors unfolding within the hospital walls, and now you're not just questioning your patient's mental state, you begin to question what's real, what's hidden and if you're turly safe.

• PAIRING: Sim Jaeyun x Psych nurse afab!reader

• WORD COUNT: 20k

• CONTENT TAGS: Non idol au, hospital settings, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, patient x nurse dynamics, forbidden romance core, mental illness (refer warnings section), suggestive, reader-insert, sorry attempt at writing a medical based au (I'm not a medical student so please forgive me), reader is always confused the tf out of her mind, not proofread.

• WARNINGS: MDNI, Antisocial Personality Disorder, violence, stalking, breaking in, paranoia, reader faints a couple of times, mentions of blood and injuries, mentions of restraints, mental breakdown, manipulation, coercion, fear of abandonment (not reader), kidnapping, borderline yandere behavior, violation of rules and personal boundries, aggressive and obsessive behavior, stealing, making out, dry humping, needy reader, let me know if I need to add any<3

• AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm really not sure about this one but I hope you guys will enjoy it. This is a work of fiction and whatever is happening is happening for the plot. In no way I am trying to depict how an actual psych hospital works in this fanfic, it's more of a vague setting to build up the plot. Your comments, reblogs and ask would mean so much to me. Thank you for giving so much love to my previous work, hope you will like this one too. Happy reading♡♡

You stepped outside of the train station, head held high, eyes hidden behind sunglasses that barely hung on your face. The strap of your backpack slipped off your shoulder ruining your nonchalant persona in the blink of an eye. Adjusting it back you stood right in the middle of the road searching for any sign of life, the town was so quiet you could even hear a pin drop. The street lights flickering on and off like they were sponsored by your bad decisions. You look around, trying to spot a ride to your new apartment. The place felt like it was straight out of Miley Cyrus's Party in the USA music video, but an emotionally constipated version. You swore you even saw a single dried leaf flowing along with the dust across the road from your peripheral vision. 

You leaned your weight on your right leg, hands on your hips as you took in your surroundings. It's understandable that it was evening but not even a single soul could be seen in your near vicinity. It wasn't even dark yet. The only human interaction you had after stepping foot on this worn-out town was with the maintenance worker who gave you a nasty side-eye when you crossed paths with him and the old man sitting inside the ticket counter who maintained eye contact with you till you were out of his sight. 

You grunt, making your way back inside the station to interrogate the ticket counter. He looked at you up and down through his frameless glasses, folding his hands comically slow before heaving a sigh. You tapped your foot in sheer annoyance, he decided to finally bless you with some words of wisdom and direct you towards a local diner located not too far from the station. You threw a tight smile at him, dramatically making a turn and off you went towards the diner.

The local diner's neon sign buzzed half heartedly, you nodded solemnly at its state, the poor thing looked like it gave up on life ages ago but was still showing up for work because of money. It almost reminded you of your nursing school days, where you would show up to school regularly just because you paid the tuition fee in advance. You ran your fingers through your hair, huffing a breath, at least you could hear human voices from inside. 

"Hello, is anyone there?" You did the best you could to bring out your practiced cheerful voice when you opened the diner's door, grinning like you're trying to sell toothpaste. The cashier, a middle aged bald man with a mustache, and a relatively younger boy, locked you in place with a deadpan face and eyes staring with premium disinterest. "Unfortunately, yes." You made your way inside, removing your sunglasses as you approached them. The smile wiping off your face faster than the wifi signal during zoom meetings. 

"Does this place have any cab or bus facility? The person at the ticket counter sent me here." You awkwardly tapped against the counter waiting for their reply. Both of them exchanged glances at each other before they focused right back on you. And, now, somehow you were second guessing ever agreeing to come in this ghost of a town. "You're new here?" Now it was your turn to fix them with a deadpan look, "Unfortunately, yes." The younger guy sighed at your words, making his way towards you. 

"You came here on purpose?" He raised his eyebrows at you, his eyes taking in the luggage beside you. You furrowed your eyebrows at his response, hands on your hips as you were left baffled by the sheer judgemental tone of his voice. "What's that supposed to mean?" The old man just shook his head and went behind the door, leaving you standing there alone with the boy. 

He shrugged in response, leaning against the counter. A small smirk appeared on his face, "No one really comes to this town, considering there's literally nothing to attract any entity. The town is small, location so far off no one gives a fuck about it." You just sighed, dragging your feet towards a chair and slouching against it. "What brought you here anyway?" 

You massaged your head a bit, perplexed at the situation you've gotten yourself into. Your mind drifting back towards the questionable choices you made before you ended up being assigned to be a psychiatric nurse located in a place you haven't even heard about. "I'm here to work as a nurse at Second chance psychiatric hospital." His eyes widened in surprise before a toothy smile graced at his lips. "Oh you'll be working with my friend Sunoo."

You gave him a tight look, clearly having zero idea about this Sunoo guy he was referring to. He ignored your obvious disinterest and sat on the chair beside you. "I'm Jungwon, I work here because I have nothing else to do. The guy I'm talking about is also a nurse at the hospital you're joining." That gained your interest as you turned towards him, "Help me go to my apartment, I've morning duty tomorrow." He beamed at you, nodding before making his way inside a room and coming back later with his apron off. "Let's go!"

"You're dropping me off?" He grabbed your luggage like it was made of thin air and made his way out of the diner. You just looked at him, not making a move to stop him cause honestly you were glad he was chivalrous enough to do that. You were as good as Macdonald's ice cream machine to even argue about moving your own luggage. You ran after him as he made his way towards his beat up car, your legs falling in rhythm with his as you told him your name. 

You reached the apartment the hospital's staff had given you information about. You made your arrangements and agreements with the owner a few weeks prior. For which you mentally gave a pat on your back because the apartment was pre-cleaned for you. You thanked Jungwon, he waved it off saying everyone knows everyone in his ghost town to help anyway, and made your way up the stairs to unlock the door. You punched in the code you'd set through your mobile app, kinda high-tech to have such security given the conditions of the town, you made your way inside the apartment. 

You set your luggage aside, deciding that unpacking was inevitably going to be a problem for tomorrow. You freshened up, throwing yourself on your bed as flashbacks for today's event slid through your mind like a scheduled Tumblr post. This town contained a type of quiet that felt like the universe had hit a forgotten password button, left isolated and on its own to function, except instead of bringing peace with the isolation, it just gave off a serious 'what's wrong with it' vibes. Basically this town was a kind of place where even the squirrels look like they are plotting world domination. 

Sleep comes easily when all you did the entire day was travel and struggle, rinse and repeat. Waking up on the other hand was a struggle you didn't realize you'd face on literally the first day of your job. You sat on the edge of the bed, eyes empty, motivation still buffering. It wasn't until your second alarm went off that you finally broke out of your daydreaming and got ready to go to the hospital. You know how much struggle you put up with your will to live every morning, so you know how to deal with that too.

You found yourself back to the same situation you were in when you stood in front of the local diner, now looking up to the rusting, 'Second Chance Psychiatric Hospital' sign barely hanging above the main entrance, threatening to fall but still somehow keeping it together. You pushed open the gate, the loudly squeaky noise of the metal gate raising goosebumps on your skin. You physically crumpled at the noise, gaining looks from a few of the staff and patients spread across the entrance of the hospital and its surrounding area. You meekly smiled at them as you continued making your way towards the hospital's door, their eyes hardly leaving yours. What's up with people of this town and the constant staredown competition they engage themselves into?

The exterior of the hospital was painted blue, almost fading, getting drowned by veils of climbers and creepers you don't want to learn about. The front yard was draped with dead leaves which had fallen on the ground like the hope you had when you were assigned to this hospital. You sighed heavily, decided to turn around and take in the state this hospital was in. It sure looked like a type of psychiatric hospital you'd hope to see in a horror movie. What were you going to tell your friends back home? Second chance? More like Secondhand misery on your part.

Stepping through the glass doors which barely sensed your presence (you had to give them a bit of manual labour) you were met with a waiting room which silently screamed at you to leave. Rusty chairs, mandatory fish tank with no fishes but a suspicious looking worn out castle inside it, few statues which had more cracks on their surface than you had on your phone screen. You made your way towards the reception area, not entirely surprised to find the receptionist having the time of her life in her sleep. You lightly banged on the surface of the counter to get her attention. She woke up agonizingly slow, looking like she had seen too much and was running purely on instant coffee and bad choices. She didn't even look surprised, yawning as she pulled out a form and slammed it against the counter in front of you. You looked at her, completely at loss. "I'm a new nurse here, not a patient." 

"Oh?" She gave you a wary look, eyebrows furrowed as if she'd heard something she shouldn't have. You rummaged through your bag, huffing slightly as you handed her your joining letter. Her eyes widened when she verified your details, sighing in resignation as she typed in something on her computer. You stood there, watching her fill out your details in the staff registry, expressions on her face changing like the slideshow of a presentation you made when you were in sixth grade. "I just need to understand," she started, giving you the joining letter back, she briefly made an eye contact and you nodded at her to continue, "what life crisis led to this?" 

"Should I be worried? Why does everyone keep on asking me this question?" You were starting to believe you hit the wrong subscribe button at this point. This town was sketchy, far off the map, with zero to limited amount of transportation, every single place in this town gave off vibes of bad decisions and pure paranoia combined. The receptionist waved your concern off, getting out of the reception area, sliding her hand around your shoulder and pushing you towards the staircase leading to the first floor. 

"The patients on the ground floor are usually handled by seasoned nurses, fresh meat like you are assigned on the first floor to deal with patients with reduced care demands who have less complex cases." She explained as she stopped you in front of a door, labeled Dr. Byeon Hyunwoo, knocked three times and left you in your misery. Your eyes followed her till she was out of your sight, not moving an inch, mind malfunctioning. It wasn't until you heard a very awkward and intended cough that you got out of whatever trance you were into. "Would you like to come in?"

"Yes, I'm sorry." You followed him in his personal office, the condition inside of it surprisingly much better than the entire hospital. He invited you to take a seat, smiling curtly you sat in front of him. He was clad in white coat which seemed to have seen quite a few things. The wrinkles on his face are a clear indication of his expertise. He smiled at you asking questions about your whereabouts since you arrived. You'd be working under him along with a few other attending physicians and nurses. You learned he's the director of the hospital, which immediately led you to straighten your back in response. Overall you were happy to finally interact with someone who was so humanly mediocre. 

Before you could open the office door a soft creak heard from outside the door halted your steps in place, followed by faintest movements of shadow flickering from the bottom gap of the door. You sighed, opening the door quicker than the lightening speed and watched three heads stumbled across the office. They bumped into each other like dominoes, frantically trying to find their footing. Then successfully stood right in front of you, awkward smiles plastered on their faces. You turned around to look at Dr. Byeon only to realize he wasn't even slightest bit interested in what was happening in his office, so begrudgingly you shut the door behind you.

 You took in the sight of them, the receptionist from earlier, another girl with short hair and then the taller guy who sheepishly smiled at you, his foxy eyes turning into crescent moon as soon as they met yours, then came the classic move, 'the awkward cough' as they looked at each other to telepathically discuss who'll be the first sacrifice. You could feel the 'we weren't trying to listen' vibes radiating off of them like wifi signals. Honestly, the entire moment of catching them eavesdropping on you and Dr. Byeon was awkwardly theatrical. 

"A little birdy told me we have a new nurse, we were too excited to wait," the guy smiled cheekily at you and despite your better judgement his energy brought a laugh out of you. Three of them exchanged looks before the guy grabbed your wrist and dragged you towards a cabin at the left side of Dr. Byeon's office. He informed the cabin on the right side is for the physicians. The cabin where you were dragged to was a bit larger than Dr. Byeon's, probably because it was for the use of multiple people. 

"Is the little birdy Ms. Receptionist?" You chuckled as you roamed around the cabin till you placed your belongings in an empty area. The guy religiously shook his head making his way towards you, extending his hand, "the little birdy is Yang Jungwon, my friend, he informed me a new nurse was joining." You shook his hand with a puzzled look on your face which then turned into a happy one when you recognized the name, "Jungwon? The diner guy?" The fox eyed guy threw his head back, laughing. "Yes, that one."

Your interaction was cut short when the short haired girl came from the other side and clung to your arm, "I'm Yerin, your fellow nurse. Then this guy, who didn't have a basic courtesy to introduce his name first is Kim Sunoo, also a nurse and the lady standing there is Jia, our receptionist." She smiled softly at you before letting go and dragging Jia where you and Sunoo were standing. "We knew you would be joining but we assumed just like many other staff you'll ghost us too, we really didn't expect you to show up." You nodded at Jia, understanding what was up with all the questionnaire and glances but her words left you with a plethora of questions. 

"Is the reason they ghost because of the very obvious suspicious location or is this place that horrific that no one wants to stay?" You all sat around each other, "and don't you have to go back to the reception area in case someone comes?" Jia just laughed at your question, waving you off yet again, she explained how the hospital rarely gets a new patient to be admitted so everything is chill. 

"Okay, now back to your earlier question," Sunoo looked at you with his big eyes as he clapped his hands to get your attention towards him, "honestly I think the main reason is the location itself, you get to learn many things, have hands on experiences and everything but it's a small town, nothing much to explore, plus this town gives a little bit of icky vibes so that adds to everything else." Little bit icky vibes? More like a movie setup for a budget horror film.

They gave you instructions about the working of the hospital, Jia bidding you goodbye to continue with her work at the reception, Yerin helped you with printing out your schedule, and Sunoo brought your uniform scrub and ID card. You changed into your scrub, and wore your ID card, smiling in the bathroom mirror to officially start your journey as the nurse. While talking with Sunoo and Yerin you learned that Jia has been working here for 7 years, Yerin for 2 years and Sunoo just joined 4 months ago. "Jia looks younger for someone who worked for 7 years," you wondered out loud, Sunoo nodded, "She was very young when she joined here, she was in need of money and the hospital needed someone desperate enough to do the job." You pondered over his words, he suggested giving you a quick and vague hospital tour before you ask any more questions.

The hospital's air smelled faintly like a mix of antiseptic, rubbing alcohol and existential crisis. You wondered if you'll become one of the patients of this sorry excuse of a hospital if it continues to give off these weird vibes even after working here for months. While you were walking down the hall of the first floor, somewhere a door squeaked dramatically, as if to assert its dominance and make its presence known. Sunoo just shook his head, laughing slightly and mumbling about how you'll get used to it. 

The walk through the first floor was easy, uneventful but insightful regardless. You'd be working on this floor for a good portion of your work, so you hung onto every word that left Sunoo's mouth. He suggested you shadow either him or Yerin for the first half of the day so you could get a hang of how everything works, and you were glad for his regards. He gave you a tour of the therapy room, which was further divided into group, individual, occupational, art/music and recreational units. You met a few patients of the general ward Sunoo was assigned for the day, realizing it will take some time for them to get comfortable with your presence. You didn't mind their rejection towards you, considering you chose this field by your own wish to help the socially marginalized individuals of the society.

He then led you towards the ground floor, the stairs creaking below your feet. Jia looked up from where she was sitting at the corner smiling, you gave her a wave with the same level of enthusiasm. One side of the ground floor was filled with medical and support facilities like; consultation rooms, medication rooms, emergency care rooms, and pharmacy. Behind the reception area had a lounge area, dining area, and bathrooms. Aside from the rusting chairs in the waiting area, you spotted a vending machine from the 90s functioning on duct tape and sheer will, and a wall clock permanently stuck at 03:33; well at least it shows correct time twice a day, truly an overachiever. 

The other side of the ground floor was what seemed to pull your gaze back at it, time and again. The large 'Intensive Care Psychiatric Unit' sign glaring at you in red, the hallway was dark even in broad daylight, shadows clung to the walls as you walked towards it. Sunoo stopped you from going further when you reached near the entrance of the patient's wards. "New nurses aren't allowed to enter this area, only the veteran nurses are allowed. You'll need to get your ID card updated with access to this area to enter."

Your eyes were trained on the hallway, the longer you looked at it, the heavier the air felt as if something was waiting for you to dare to indulge in it. You turned your head towards Sunoo, gulping slightly, "Are the patients that volatile?" Sunoo shrugged his eyes scanning the hallway which he never once entered in his 4 months of working here. "Maybe they are, I haven't seen any special case or event with my own eyes since I've worked here but I've heard stories." 

He gave you a tight smile before urging you to follow him to continue the rest of the touring, and as you nodded your head at him in agreement you felt something move, barely visible, a shadow. A nameless fear settled in your chest, sending sharp, cold ripple down your spine. You couldn't help but lean against the glass doors to find where the movement came from, but there wasn't a single soul in sight. You flinched when Sunoo called out your name, your steps retracting back towards the waiting area but your mind still hooked towards the ICPU.

Working for the hospital was much better than you had initially imagined, although severely understaffed, the environment of the hospital was thankfully healthy and supportive. Dr. Byeon, albeit strict and a man of few words, always guided you with patience, though sometimes it would wear thin. Patients were reluctant at opening up at first but once you gained their trust, you started enjoying your job more. The patients on the first floor were easier to manage at most, they maintained a sense of self awareness and would be cooperative with the treatment. So you never had to struggle too much while doing your job. 

So after several weeks of working in the hospital, and living in this ghost town there were few things which you had gathered. For instance, Dr. Byeon was not only the director but also the co-founder of the hospital, at this point if anyone told you he was also the mayor of this town you wouldn't be surprised. Some of the attending physicians here wore their egos on their sleeves for some reason. There were only two veteran nurses and both of them were assigned duties on the ground floor for ICPU, you found both of them very scary even when they showed nothing about kindness to you when you occasionally crossed paths with them. Patients here, to put in simple words, were here for a reason. 

The people of town were, you don't even know how to describe. Earlier when you walked on the uneven and cracked sidewalks, people would smile at you the way they do when you accidentally wave at someone who wasn't waving at you, awkward and suspicious. Even the cats looked at you with that, 'I know what you did last summer' stare. Now they are friendly enough to ask you for a tea and ask about your dating life before you even sit down. Everyone in the town knows about each other, their allergies, their nicknames and the story behind it. Secrets here longed as long as a cough. Still you loved how uneventful and slow it was, or maybe you're just getting Stockholm Syndrome with this town. 

"Mrs. Lee's son got into an accident, she left earlier in emergency," You along with Sunoo were huddled around Jia during your break time when you heard about Mrs. Lee, a veteran nurse assigned at ICPU. "Poor her, I've never seen her so worried before, he's her only son." You nodded at Sunoo's words, it wasn't like you could give your 2 cents into the conversation since you knew very little about everything. You wondered how Mrs. Hong was going to handle everything on her own, when Dr. Byeon called you inside his office.

Dr. Byeon opened his door before your fist could even touch it and made his way towards his chair, you peered at him up and down before shrugging and making yourself comfortable in front of his desk chair. He heaved a sigh, adjusting his glasses as he gave you a look that screamed 'help' but in a more professional manner. You smiled awkwardly at him fidgeting in your seat, the more the silence stretched the more difficult it became for you to maintain your commercial smile. "You must have an idea what happened with Mrs. Lee right?"

You reluctantly nodded your head and the way he looked at you made warning bells ring in your ears, "I'll get straight to the point. We are short on staff for ICPU, I was hoping you'd take the responsibility for the meantime." You let out a laugh which sounded like a broken tape record, high-pitched, off-key, powered entirely by denial and borderline fear. As usual, Dr. Byeon patiently waited for you to come down from your high with an expression which lacked all the seasoning and spices. You eventually stopped when you noticed he wasn't laughing with you, you put your head down on his desk. 

"What? You'll be taking over Mrs. Lee's duty?" Yerin screeched, you hushed her putting your hand on her mouth. Sunoo just stared at you, looking for more information. "Why would he appoint you though?" He wondered, "Yerin should've been his first choice, you're comparatively new." You glance at him, finally releasing Yerin from your hold, "He said first floor is mainly handled by her so she was out of the picture, and as for you," you jabbed your index finger on his chest till you backed him off against the nearest wall, "he said one time you were allocated to work in ICPU for few hours and you got so scared you turned that place to a disastrous zone in five minutes."

Sunoo gulped, avoiding your eyes like you were terms and conditions, "I...that place is shady! I couldn't help it. The patient who I was tending appeared out of nowhere and touched my feet. I jumped and dropped everything, the patient got triggered and grabbed my hair, then I screamed and Mrs. Lee had to clean up after my mess." You shook your head, slouching against your chair. Sure the ICPU gave off some serious 'don't fuck with me' vibes, but Mrs. Lee and Nurse Hong had survived years of working in that unit outstandingly. You could survive too if you only did what you were told and didn't cause much disturbance in the daily routine of the patient's admitted at that part of the hospital. Plus your legs could use some rest. 

When Nurse Hong, a sweet and soft spoken woman, gave you the temporary schedule, you did not expect to have constant rotations in your shift timings. She gave you head pats and a hug, smiling sympathetically at your baffled expression, "I heard a lot of good things about you from Dr. Byeon, I believe you can handle it well. Just be focused on your responsibilities and call for me when trouble arrives okay?" With the amount of softness her voice and eyes contained when she said those words, you'd have said yes to even rob a bank for her. But she was getting old, already had so much on her plate, you decided to be the strong independent woman you've already dreamt of being and handle your issues yourself. 

You had always watched the ICPU whenever you talked with Jia on her counter, or whenever you kicked the vending machine to get your energy drink. Your eyes followed that section wherever you were in the near vicinity. The section always called for your attention, maybe it felt that way because you were prohibited from entering that area. A forbidden apple, tempting you to take a bite with its bright red colour. Now you stood in front of the glassdoor which was once a barrier to your curious heart, sweat formed at the palm of your hands, you wiped it on your white coat and placed your ID card over the sensor. 

The sensor beeped, the sound sharp and unforgiving, it pierced through your ears. The glassdoor separated and you entered the area. Your hand unconsciously reached for your pen neatly tucked at your scrub's pocket as you forced yourself to take a step forward. The unit was unnaturally quiet, the air suffocating, not with the smell of medications or ethanol, but with the memories. The lights flickered on and off, casting a yellow light on the walls which were once white. The paint peeled off in strange patterns through the hallway. You made your way deeper into the unit, hands tight around the trolley you were moving with you. 

The hallway stretched like it had no end, doors lined up each side, differently numbered, all identical, all shut. The hallway carried an uncertain heaviness, like it remembered every scream, every breakdown, every cry for help. You could hear some muffled noise as you made your way further into the hallway, a laugh, a whisper and sometimes a scrape against the wall. Normally, sounds calmed you, grounded you but this time it only increased your heartbeat. Each little noise made you shiver. The wheels of the trolley screeched against the worn out tiles of the hospital as you moved forward, and suddenly silence wrapped around you. 

For a moment you had forgotten that you weren't alone, that everyone else could sense your presence too. Being confined into a box makes you overly sensitive towards any sort of noise, it didn't surprise you that everyone inside the rooms could detect the presence of a new person with the sound of your footsteps alone. You moved ahead till you reached the far end of the hallway, room no. 015 glaring back at you. You've heard about the infamous room no. 015 in passing before, something along the lines of too violent, too hysteric, too cruel. You recalled Sunoo telling you something about the patient's history, an outcast, admitted to the hospital by his family who then left the town and never returned. 

You gulped, taking a deep breath before knocking on the door to let your presence be known, then sliding in the key. Your eyes studied the room, it was pale, off-white, no decorations. The bed sat at one corner of the room, sheets crisp with practice precision, a single pillow, and a blanket. A chair and fixed desk were placed on the adjacent corner of the bed. A built in light fixture high on the ceiling, out of reach even if one stood on the chair. You made your way towards the window that was covered by off white curtains. You wondered why would there be a window without grill for a patient who was admitted at ICPU. You moved the curtain aside, you could see the security guard's cabin from up here, well you guessed there's no way the patient would try to run without getting noticed. 

The slow creaking of the door behind you followed by sudden movements startled you as you turned around, wide-eyed, hands on your chest. You took a deep breath, carefully watching the stranger who stood opposite of you, coming out of the bathroom, steps halted midway, eyes mimicking that of yours. He analyzed your appearance, white coat, boring scrubs, trolley inside the room, hospital's ID card hanging from your neck. His eyes met yours, and you gulped, unconsciously clutching the notepad in your hand, a corner of his lips twitched. "I'm here for your routine check up, is that okay with you?" 

The slight tremor at the end of the sentence didn't go unnoticed by him. He studied you for a few seconds before he wordlessly made his way towards the bed and sat on it. You dragged the chair towards his bed, sitting on it promptly as you studied his medical record. 

▪︎ Name: Sim Jake

▪︎ Gender: Male

▪︎ Date of Admission: November 16, 2018

▪︎ Diagnosis: Antisocial Personality Disorder

▪︎ Assigned Psychiatrist: Dr. Byeon Hyunwoo

▪︎ Assigned Nurse: Mrs. Lee Siyun

▪︎ Mood/Behavior: Patient appeared withdrawn and agitated

▪︎ Appetite: Normal

▪︎ Interactions: None

▪︎ Agitated/Aggression: High

▪︎ Nurse comments: 1. Patient has shown a recurrent pattern of agitation. 2. Cooperative during check ups though slightly sensitive and annoyed. 3. Extreme shifts in moods.

"How are you feeling?" He clicked his tongue in irritation, leaning back against the bed, "Mrs. Lee?" You looked up, his voice hoarse and rough due to lack of use, full of exhaustion. His eyes were dull, yet sharp as they peered at you. His face was framed by soft, dark hair, a bit messy but it gave him a boyish look. He had a well-defined jawline. He was handsome in a way that made your breath catch without even realizing. You shook your head, keeping your thoughts in check before you looked down at your notes, "she's on leave," you muttered checking the previous notes. 

"Irritated." Your eyes shot up as he spoke, his jaw tight and eyebrows furrowed. Your eyebrows knit slightly in confusion before they relaxed realizing he answered your initial question, you noted it. You cleared your throat, "what kind of thoughts are occupying your head today?" He scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest, "nothing important." You sighed at his vague answer wondering if he's the same with Mrs. Lee.

"How do you feel about being here?" You questioned, writing down his previous answer. He scoffed watching you write down what he said word to word, "not thrilled." You sucked in a breath, you have to remain calm for patient's sake, this wasn't even worse but somehow you'd have preferred him lashing out a whole monologue than the single word answers he threw at you. You took out your stethoscope, placing one end of it in your ears, "I'm going to touch you, is that okay?" 

He moved a bit closer, "hurry and leave." You rolled your eyes, your hand slipping beneath his shirt, your fingers were steady, practiced as they pressed gently against his chest. You felt his breath hitched before you could detect it through the stethoscope. "Breathe in, hold it." Surprisingly he did what was said, your ears filled with the irregular thump-thump rhythm of his chest. "Breathe out, slowly." Your hand shifted slightly, inspecting another spot. There was no rush, no distraction in your movements as you continued monitoring his heart beat. "Your heartbeat is slightly irregular. Try taking a deep breath slowly a couple of times so it slows down a bit." 

The rest of the routine check up went by smoothly, he didn't answer any of your questions verbally, but was cooperative for most part. He showed annoyance but wasn't aggressive. You noted everything, gave him his prescribed medicines, checked his vitals again after taking the medicines, made sure he didn't have any injuries or health concerns and the routine check up for room no. 015 was completed successfully. 

A deep breath escaped your chest as soon as the door closed behind you, relief flooded your body like sunshine through a cracked window. Your eyes flickered towards the wrist watch on your hand, lunch time. You informed Nurse Hong about your schedule and made your way out of the ICPU towards the cafeteria after her approval. You spotted Sunoo, Yerin and Jia sitting at the far corner of the cafeteria. "Hey!" Their eyes shot up in your direction, you waved at them before making yourself comfortable beside Jia. "Wow, you look like you could use some chapstick, your lips are drier than your text when you're ignoring me." Your hands immediately reached out to touch your lips, "ah, it's because I kept on biting on it while I was doing my routine check up." You thanked Sunoo when he passed you the chapstick. 

"So," Yerin leaned towards you, her expression serious but you could see the underlined lightheartedness behind her doe eyes, "Tell us brave soul, what was it like in the land of darkness?" Sunoo and Jia nodded, huddling around you, "I heard you were assigned the infamous room no. 015." You nodded, leaning back against the chair, digging your food, lost in thoughts but continued, "It was okay, it wasn't as scary as we have heard in the stories, perhaps not scary at all," you studied their confused expression, "he was a bit annoyed, reserved for most part, but he complied. Unlike all the stories we've been hearing from the past."

"Is that true? I was half wondering if I should prepare a strecher for you." Jia smacked Sunoo arms as she hushed him, Yerin turned towards you, "maybe the stories are dramatized and exaggerated in order to keep everyone in check, so that no one would go in the ICPU area, kind of like to protect the patients and not disturb them?" You shrugged looking towards Jia who shook her head at Yerin's words, "I've seen a handful of instances myself where extra security had to be called because he was getting out of control. I've seen Dr. Byeon running inside ICPU frantically to room no. 015, those instances can't be staged." 

You solemnly nodded at her words, you couldn't decide how anyone was with only one single interaction with them, but then again, the man in front of you in room no. 015 was far off from someone you imagined a person with ASPD would behave like when you did your case studies. "How does he look? Is he scary?" Yerin asked, her eyes wide as she looked at you. "He doesn't look scary, just exhausted." You mumbled quietly as your mind wandered back to his eyes, the soft puppy-like eyes, though the sparkle in them was dulled but you were sure they must've looked the prettiest when they sparkled. Jia looked at you lost in your thoughts before deciding to answer Yerin's question, "he's not handsome, he's ethereal, would've 10/10 hit on him if he wasn't a psycho." 

Sunoo and Yerin gasped, gaining a look of annoyance from people surrounding the area you were occupying, you apologetically smiled at them. Sunoo sighed, dramatically face palming himself, "Why are the hottest people always the biggest red flag?" Everyone else shrugged, continuing to eat in silence for the rest of the lunch time. Maybe there was something more to the picture than it seems, you'd heard from Nurse Hong that Jake was aggressive, he was manipulative, that before getting admitted here he was notorious for breaking rules and creating havoc. Your mind juggled between those words and what you saw in room no. 015, maybe you were judging the book too fast, maybe all you were doing was judging a book by its cover. 

The rest of the week went by the same, though Jake's irritation turned into mild annoyance as he got accustomed to your presence. Nurse Hong explained to you about your duties in the second half of your lunch time which you would be spending on providing mental health assessment and therapeutic counselling towards the patients she entrusted you with. You were thankful she was mindful enough to not overwhelm you with each patient of ICPU, cause you swore they were there for a very good reason, and you had a very long way to go before you could handle them like Mrs. Lee and Nurse Hong did.

"You're smiling weirdly," Sunoo eyed you from where you were gathering your notepad and stethoscope while simultaneously wearing your coat. "What do you mean?" You shot him a side-eye that could curdle the milk. Sunoo shrugged, still eyeing you with suspicion laced in his eyes, scrutinizing you, "you seem way too excited for someone who's working an early shift on Monday morning, it's because of Jake right?" Your eyes widened as his words sank in, you threw a crumpled paper in his direction, he dodged it, "It's nothing like that! Don't make up things. I've to go. I'm getting late for my rounds. Bye!" You didn't give Sunoo another chance to speak as you bolted out of the cabin and into the ICPU. Sunoo shook his head, clearly enjoying your denial about your growing attachment towards Jake. He could detect the shift in your energy from miles away whenever Jake was mentioned and he wondered if you'd ever realize it and if you did what would be your next step.

"Good morning." You greeted Nurse Hong who smiled at you softly greeting you back as she continued her routine. There was a faint skip in your steps which you didn't realize. Even though you were denying looking forward to being back in ICPU, you couldn't help but agree with the fact that you were looking forward to seeing Jake. You were starting to believe in your abilities in handling complex cases like the patients from ICPU, especially Jake. Over the course of a week you noticed the little changes that happened in his behavior, his shoulders were less stressed, he didn't cross his arms over his chest tightly and did not isolate himself whenever you were present with him. By the end of the week he had started answering your questions without rejection. The answers were still a bit vague but they were better than the single worded answer he gave you initially. He even laughed at something you said once, which was very brief and he instantly denied doing that, but you were happy he was opening up to you anyway. 

As you were making your way down the hallway your steps halted when the lights lining up the hallway started flickering followed by a loud thunderstorm and then silence. You gulped, the smile wiping off your face at the dull atmosphere that suddenly surrounded you. You stood in the middle, eyes trained towards the door at the end of the hallway. Hushed voices could be heard from the rooms near you, patients getting anxious due to sudden power failure. You heaved a sigh of relief when the hospital's tired and true companion of a thousand years, the generator, finally started working, lightening up the hallway again. You made your way towards room no. 015.

As usual you knocked on the door before sliding in the key, your heart still racing slightly. The thunderstorm had quiet down a bit, but it had started raining heavily creating loud echoes of rain hitting any possible surface. You hesitated for a moment, hand wrapped around the doorknob, you took in a few deep breaths and pushed the door open. You entered the room, the curtains drawn back, and raindrops from the open window splattered against your face. You closed your eyes, not anticipating the unexpected intrusion. You looked around the room, everything was the same as you remembered. You closed the window to stop the rain from entering inside the room but decided to keep the curtains drawn. 

The sudden movement of the door behind you caught your attention, you flinched, not because you didn't anticipate it but because of the sheer amount of force applied for the door to be yanked open. You turned around, hands still on the window, as you watched Jake eyeing you up and down. His clothes were disheveled, his shirt crumpled, two of his top buttons were open, showing a bit of his collarbone. His hair was messier, like he had been pulling them for sometime. His chest heaved heavy breaths, his lips chapped. 

Everything about him was different from the Jake you met last week but what startled you most was his eyes. They were cold and sharp, an unfocused gleam beneath the eyelids. He looked at you, eyes staring into yours like he wanted to look at your soul. There was almost a magnetic charm in his looks, something you hadn't seen before. "Jake?" You called softly when he made no attempts at moving from his place, his eyebrows furrowed as he tilted his head at you. "I'm here for your routine check up, is that okay with you?" He closed the bathroom door behind him, slowly, step by step making his way towards you. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" 

"Ye-yes! How about you sit on your bed while I do my routine?" He stood a couple feet away from you, hands inside his pockets, resting his weight lazily on one leg. His eyes were relaxed now, pupils slightly dilated, he bit his lower lip as if he was in deep thought. "Bed feels like a good option," a lazy smirk graced his lips as he moved closer to you. You took a hesitant step back, then again, till your back hit the window. His steps never flattered, he walked with an ease you never thought he had, he stopped when he was mere inches away from you. Sweat formed on your palms, your fingers automatically digging inside your scrub's pocket to curl around the pen in panic. His hand rose, steady and purposeful, as he wiped a few of the raindrops from one side of your face, slow and careful, like he was afraid you would break if he was harsh. 

Your breath hitched, eyes falling shut for a moment. He scanned your face, smoothing your hair behind your ear, he stepped back till he reached his bed. "Aren't you going to check up on me pretty?" Your eyes shot open, he sat on the bed, hands behind his head as he smiled at you. You studied him for a moment, he was way more relaxed at chatty than he normally was. Normally Jake never talked with you more than necessary, and was pretty much closed off. But the Jake now in front of you was much more talkative, laid back even, his eyes carried a glint you couldn't pinpoint. You made your way towards him, deciding to sit with him on his bed instead. You did your routine, asked him various questions and he gave you the answers with practiced ease. You checked his vitals and everything was normal. No irregular heartbeats, breathing regular and unlabored. 

You knew something was off, he wasn't behaving like he normally did. Still, somehow, the reports were abnormally normal. You noted everything, and he watched you like a hawk all throughout with a lopsided smile. You gave him his medicine, checked his vitals again, everything was normal, yet there was a voice deep in your mind which told you that no, this wasn't normal. But hospitals never worked on gut feelings and instincts, they needed observations which you had but it suggested a completely different conclusion. You sighed, packing up the things and making sure there weren't any potentially harmful things left behind. 

As the medication took effect, Jake laid down ready to drift off to sleep, one of his hands hanging down the bed. You made your way towards him, pulling a blanket over as you watched him before putting his hand under the blanket. That's when you noticed, faint purplish marks encircling his wrist, you inspected his other hand which bore similar bruises. You knew those scars very well, the unmistakable imprint of being restrained by chains. You got out of the room, locking it behind you as you made your way out of the ICPU. You don't recall Nurse Hong informing you anything about restraining Jake with chains, surely if he did have an episode, you'd have been informed prior. The fact only confused you more.

You spotted Nurse Hong talking with Dr. Byeon at far corner of the waiting area, their faces contoured and voices hushed as they discussed something. You stood near the staircase, scanning the notes in your hands, there was something you were missing surely but couldn't point out. You greeted Dr. Byeon when he passed by you and stopped Nurse Hong to have a chat, "the patient from room no. 015, Jake Sim, has he been restrained before?" She looked at you nodding her head, "yes, why? He did try to hurt you?" You shook your head no, informing her about the marks you saw on his wrists. "When he becomes violent, he breaks everything in this close vicinity so it's necessary to apply physical restraints as a precaution."

You thanked her for taking her time to answer you amidst her busy schedule. She smiled, patting your shoulder in comfort, "It's great that you think about your patient's health this much, though Jake has been assigned to Mrs. Lee, I've monitored him too, I'm sure Mrs. Lee knows much more about him than any of us will ever do." You smiled at her words, and she bid you goodbye to take care of other things. So the stories about him being physically violent were true, but the Jake you met on your first week of working at ICPU didn't exhibit any violent tendencies. That was weird because he wasn't violent when he first met you, just cautious. Maybe he just didn't want to get restrained yet again. Moreover, he always had his hands crossed over his chest, so maybe you just never noticed the marks around his wrists. 

The rest of the week went by with the same level of unease you felt on Monday, you initially thought it was because you were meeting Jake after a long time but clearly you were wrong. Every Time you went to monitor him, he had this smile, beautiful yet cunning plastered on his face which would make your skin crawl instead of raising goosebumps in flattery. He was very open to have any sort of conversation with you, often going off the topic and more into you. He was charming, his eyes gleaming as he teased you during monitoring. He was behaving so far off from the Jake you met first, and that made you rethink about everything you'd learned about him. You still noted as much as you could, maybe a discussion with Dr. Byeon would do. But it wasn't easy to do, due to the hospital being understaffed, he was pretty much busy all the time to come and sit with you and discuss it. 

You sighed, the pen in your hand clicked in a rhythm only your thoughts could follow, as your mind reflected on the interaction you had with him earlier today, "you look cute when you're nervous." That's what he said as you were auscultating him, you looked up, your fingers twitching around the cold disc you had placed on his chest. His heartbeat was unbearably steady, even as he spoke and watched you with those intense eyes of his. One of his bruised covered hands tugged the stethoscope down your neck, his other firmly wrapping around your hand which was on his chest. You gulped, sitting up straight. You couldn't pull yourself away, it was like he had cast some unspoken spell over you. He laughed at your bewildered expression, hands releasing you from its hold. 

You stood up, heart beating loudly while grabbing the medication and handing it to him. His touch sends shivers down your spine. You watched him take the medicines, your eyes focused on his wrist, he gave you a wink as he settled back on his bed. You packed your things ready to go out of the room and away from him when he called out your name. You pushed the trolley out the room as you made your way back towards him. He leaned lazily against his elbow, a smirk forming on his plush lips, his eyes were drowsy and unfocused but they were still undeniably focused on you, "your left eyebrow twitches when you get nervous, and there's something so honest about you getting nervous, it's kind of beautiful. Don't hide your nervousness from me, I like it when you're unsure and a little shaky." 

"What an odd thing to say, Jake." You deadpanned as you turned towards the door to leave. His laugh anchored you mid-step, turning back you saw his head thrown back before his eyes once again locked with yours, his hair fell haphazardly on his forehead due to his abrupt movements, face turned completely cold, his eyes losing their focus as the time passed, the medications kicking in. "I believe you're forgetting something, pretty." His hand rose till it was eye level, fingers curled around a pen as he casually twirled it, the corners of his lips twitching slowly as he eyed you. 

You tapped your hands over your scrub's pocket unconsciously recalling your pen to be the exact same model, your movements getting frantic as you couldn't feel your pen. Your hands dived inside your scrub's and coat's pocket, trying to locate your pen, eyes widening in realization that during the course of your routine with him, he had somehow managed to steal your pen away without you noticing. You rushed towards his bed and snatched your pen from his hands, "taking what doesn't belong to you without the owner's permission can lead you to serious repercussions both by the hospital board and law. I'm warning you right now before you engage in more trouble Jake." He laid back on the bed, a lazily smile hung upon his lips as you warned him about his actions, he just shrugged after you were done explaining, a light teasing tone in his voice when he said, "I like watching you lose control, it makes me feel good to know I'm getting under your skin."

"You're going to murder that pen." You were pulled back from your thoughts by Sunoo's voice, the clicking of pen halting, you threw the pen in your coat's pocket as you made your way towards him. "I think I'm losing my mind Sunoo," you whined as your steps fell in rhythm with his. "Honestly that's shocking, I thought I'd hear this on your first day of working in ICPU not the second week," you pushed him a little, your thoughts jumping back and forth between your and Jake's interaction. You weren't sure how your future interactions with Jake would unfold but you hoped it wouldn't be anything worse than it already was, "I can't wait to go home and get some well deserved sleep."

Your apartment wasn't too far away from the hospital and you preferred walking so you could have time to mull over things. The sidewalks were cracked, a little bit uneven in their placements, as you walked over it. Evenings in this town would always be your roman empire, the town was beautiful and welcoming in the mornings but turned solemn and hostile as darkness consumed it. Some of the street lights flickered while others gave up on their life long ago. You sighed as you spotted your apartment building, grunting as you made your way up towards your floor. You stood still in front of your door, struggling to breathe, maybe you should start daily workouts soon. 

Your hand shot up to enter the password when you felt a heavy, invisible weight on your shoulder. The air around you suddenly thickened. You turned around, eyes and ears alert as you scanned the area surrounding your apartment, yet there was nothing.  Blaming it on your exhaustion from work, you punched in the code and welcomed yourself inside your apartment nonetheless. You hung your jacket and removed your shoes, dragging your feet towards the kitchen to drink some water. You made your way inside your bedroom, placing your backpack inside the closet, you grabbed a tshirt and shorts and made your way inside your bathroom to take a shower. 

You sighed a breath of relief as the warm water hit your skin, your hands massaging your shoulders as you whined in pain. All of the tension melted as you lost yourself into the feeling of warm water running down your skin. You squeezed some amount of shower gel on your palms, gently lathering it on your body. You rinsed it off, turning the water off as you stepped outside of the shower area. You wrapped a towel around yourself and grabbed another to dry yourself off. The bathroom mirror turned foggy, steam clinging onto the glass due to the heat of the shower. You lift your hand to swipe across it, the reflection of your face clearly visible now. You smiled tiredly at your reflection, you could see the weight of the everyday exhaustion in your eyes. You shook your head, deciding to continue your nightly skincare routine and changed into your comfort clothes. 

You made yourself comfortable on your bed, eyes staring at your ceiling as your mind drifted off towards Jake again. You shut your eyes close, turning on your side trying your best to think about something, anything other than the person occupying room no. 015. You would be lying if you said he didn't occupy most of your thoughts even after you left work, in fact he has been a constant part of your mind ever since you first interacted with him. There was no doubt he was insanely handsome, and somewhere deep down you knew Sunoo was right about your growing interest towards him. 

He was already consuming your thoughts when you first interacted with him, but even in his cynical form you couldn't help but let your mind wander back towards him. When you first met him, he was stoic, reserved but he was endearing. He was soft in a way it tugged at your heart. But now, with his constant flirting, advances and even his tucked up self was making your heart race unbelievably fast. You were about to lose your mind after working in the hospital but not in the way you initially thought you would. Whatever thoughts and interest you had towards a patient you were tending to, wasn't very professional of you. Your eyes shot open in denial, no, you had to stop whatever that was growing inside your heart. You couldn't possibly get romantically involved with one of your patients, let alone a psych patient at that.

Monday rolled around quicker than you imagined, your mind still hazy from the weekend's leisure. You stood outside the hospital's main gate, the security guard giving you a small smile before resuming his duty, you made your way towards the hospital. Jia greeted you as soon as she saw you from the glass door, you quickly pulled her into a hug. "Thank god I can see your spark back, last week it was almost as if someone had suck your soul out." You laughed at her words but didn't disagree. You mind was still fresh with memories of last week but weekend soothed your head like a balm. You were sure being back at the hospital would probably make you stressed for another week to come but you knew this is exactly what was waiting for you when you decided to become a psych nurse anyway. 

In a well-worn pattern, you checked in with each patient that was assigned to you for the week, like a clockwork, you knocked on the door of room no. 015 before unlocking it. This time, Jake was sitting on the desk chair, blanket wrapped around him. He looked at you when he heard his name slip past your lips. A soft, barely there, smile graced his lips, "routine check up? Is this place fine or would you like me to move to my bed?" For a moment you just stood in your place, looking at him with curious gaze, he mimicked your expressions when you didn't answer him. "Are you okay?" You questioned as you made your way towards him, his head tilted up when you moved close to where he was sitting, his puppy-like eyes staring back at you. 

"I'm okay!" He nodded, eyes drifting away under your scrutinizing gaze. He sat crossed legged on the chair, covered fully by the blanket, his hair was messy but it reminded you more of the Jake you met on your first week. His eyes were soft around the edges even though they carried a guarded look. What proved to be more unexpected to you was how closed off he was, he neither tried to invade your personal space nor he threw any flirty remarks at you, just casual conversation. 

You made your way towards his bed, sitting on the edge of it, as you asked him some questions. He moved so his chair was now facing towards you, answers sliding off his tongue like honey on warm bread. You noted his answers, studied his body language, observed the room for anything remotely suspicious, "Can you remove the blanket so I can monitor your vitals?" He nodded wordlessly, opening his arms but not removing the blanket completely. You gave him a look but didn't press further as you checked his heartbeat, irregular thump-thump rang in your ears. 

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, what was even happening? "I think I'm catching a cold, that's the reason I have draped the blanket over me." You nodded at his words, administering him his medication and bid him goodbye. You locked the door behind you, slowly making your way out of the ICPU for your lunch but your mind was, yet again, left inside room no. 015. He showed very distinct shifts in his behavior every week, you don't remember any of the physicians or nurses notes providing any insight on this very specific observation of yours. Or maybe you were just overthinking it, patients do tend to show shifts in mood. 

You fell into the familiar routine, yet again, for the rest of the week. Jake had been down with a cold but got better with medications as days passed. He was covered in a blanket most of the time, even when he was inside the bathroom. You made fun of him for looking like a goofball and the way he pouted at you made your heart skip a beat or two. You liked this version of Jake, reserved but amiable, you didn't feel intimidated by him like you did last week. He didn't bluntly flirt with you, maintained a safe distance and didn't do anything which would make you work up. Still you couldn't forget how distinctly different he behaved as weeks passed by.

You pushed your trolley inside Jake's room, it was friday, your last routine check up for the week. He smiled at you from where he was seated on his bed. "How's Mrs. Lee's son?" You were surprised he initiated the conversation, he hadn't done that at all this week, yet you smiled at him, "he's recovering well but since Mrs. Lee is his only family, she needs to be with him till he recovers well enough to function on his own." He thoughtfully nodded at your words, you made your way towards him and sat on the edge of the bed. "How about we skip all the formalities today and speak with each other like friends? How does that sound?" 

His gaze lingered on you as he thought about your question, "okay...." You smiled, holding your notepad in your hands regardless, "how's your cold now?" You asked, playing with the clip of the clipboard. "It's gone, I'm feeling much better now. I don't think I'll need this blanket as my 24/7 support system now." You laughed along with him as you asked him a few more casual questions to keep the flow of the conversation. He answered each of your questions diligently. "Okay a few more questions and then we can end this session with monitoring your vitals and administering medications okay?" 

He nodded at your words and you continued, "can you tell me how are you feeling now as compared to last week?" You noticed Jake's breath hitching before he mumbled, "I wasn't in my best state, my mind was clouded. I don't remember most of it." You took note of the slight tremor at the end of the sentence. "You aren't planning on stealing anything now right?" His eyes widened as if he heard the sentence for the first time, "stealing? No, like I said I wasn't in my best state." You laughed softly, reminding him that you don't mind if he's regretting what he did. "You were quite chatty last week, I would say bold, to put it more clearly and you even touched me a decent amount of times, do you remember any of that happening?" You could see the sweat forming on his face, he shifted a bit, avoiding your eyes, "I don't remember it, I'm sorry. But I don't want this session to continue, can you please proceed further?" 

You sighed but accepted his wish nonetheless. His comfort was your priority over anything, you didn't want him to feel agitated and lose control. You checked his vitals, his heartbeat haywire, at this point eveb Jake knew how obvious he was being, his nervousness as clear as day. But you didn't press, he didn't question why you didn't. You asked him to sit up straight so you could give him medicines. He did as you ask, his movements making the blanket pool at his waist. Your hands froze mid-air, your eyes trained on Jake when he lifted his hand to grab the medicines from your hand, a flicker of confusion crossed your face before shock sat in like ice on a cold morning. 

You put the water bottle and medicines back on the trolley, your feet working before your mind did. You took both of his hands in yours, were you shocked? Bewildered? Confused? Borderline creeped out? You weren't sure. Words spilled out of your lips before you could stop them, Jake's eyes widened as he pulled away from your hold, sliding back towards the wall, "answer me Jake? What is happening?" You could see the panic on his face, the way his eyes shook, the way his hands trembled as you kept asking questions after questions. You should've stopped when Jake asked you to as he covered his ears, but you didn't. 

You were sure you were losing your mind, if you kept working on Jake's case you'd probably end up as one of the patients of this hospital too. There was not a single thing which made sense in your mind, you were spiraling more than Jake. Your breaths came out laboured but you didn't move, you wanted, no needed answers and Jake was the only person who could give them to you. "Jake answer me, I'm here to help you, if you'll hide things from me how am I going to help you out?" Your words only fueled the fire in the wrong direction and before you could comprehend Jake hand was wrapped around your throat as he pushed you against the wall. 

Your eyes widened, your hands wrapping around his wrist to free yourself, he didn't apply pressure, didn't even hold it tightly but his hold was firm, "don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong." You gasped, pushing him away with one hand and he let you. His hold loosened as he stepped back. Your hand instinctively made its way up your neck, you slumped against the wall, frozen by the shock of it all. Your eyes met Jake's glassy one, his face was stoic but the way his lips trembled ever so lightly, the way he was clenching his fists to stop the trembling of his hands, and the way his chest heaved heavy breaths, they told a different story. 

A single tear escaped his eye, and in a violent motion he slammed his hands against the trolley, the metal clattering across the floor. You hissed when a sharp object cut through your skin, albeit not that deep. The sound loud enough to be heard from outside. Still you were perched upon the floor, eyes locked with his. He clicked his tongue, "stay away from me." That was the last thing you heard before the room was forced open by the security guards, taking in the condition of the room and you, they immediately pulled Jake away from you. He did nothing to stop them, his eyes never leaving you even as Nurse Hong gently supported you and helped you out of the room. 

Dr. Byeon and a few attending physicians ran past you and into room no. 015 and you didn't want to imagine what was going to happen in that room. You were still in disbelief, your mind couldn't wrap around anything that happened inside the room. One minute you were laughing with each other and the next minute he was throwing things at you purposefully. The last thing you remembered before exhaustion took over your body was what triggered this whole ordeal in the first place, the faint lines of restraints which caught your eyes last week were now spotless, almost unnaturally so.

When you opened your eyes, you were greeted by Sunoo, he handed you an energy drink while sipping his coffee. He didn't ask you questions, didn't even acknowledge the situation that brought you to the hospital bed with an IV drip inserted in you and you were grateful to him. After a while Dr. Byeon made his way towards you, "how are you feeling?" You tried to sit up but he waved you off before continuing, "I'm sorry you had to experience that, I should've sent someone with better experience than you to handle him, even though the injuries you got aren't life threatening I'll give you next week off so that you can heal properly, okay?" You nodded your head and he made his way back towards his office. Honestly, whatever happened was terrifying and you definitely need a week-long leave to get your head straight but you were determined to find out everything you could about Jake Sim after your return, that was for sure.

"It's still Wednesday but I miss you so much!" You pouted hearing Sunoo whine from the other end, walking towards your apartment after going out to a local diner to have some coffee. Sunoo has been in contact with you daily since last friday, never letting you feel alone. You were glad to have a friend like him in an unknown town. He visited you every weekend, sometimes alone and sometimes Jungwon would tag along with you both. You avoided talking about the incident with both of them but the town was small and you knew Jungwon would be well aware of everything. None of them broke your little bubble, your wounds were fresh at that time. Still you were glad that Sunoo called you daily after his shifts ended to know about your whereabouts. Yerin and Jia did too, but their schedules were more packed than Sunoo's. 

"I'll be back in no time," You smiled, "don't rush yourself, if you feel like you're not ready Dr. Byeon said he can extend your leave." You were glad everyone was being supportive but if you're in a profession which handles mental health patients, cases like this would continue to happen and you can't forever hide from them. You ended the call with Sunoo when you reached your apartment building, making your way up the stairs. The wind howled in the hallway of the apartment building, rattling the railings and windows which were left open. You felt relieved that you reached your apartment before the weather got tricky. You welcomed yourself in your apartment, removing your shoes and hanging your jacket you made your way towards the living room.

You stared at the store-bought snacks you never picked up from the coffee table while you were binge watching movies earlier when the loud bang of your bedroom window being slammed open caught your attention. You hurriedly made your way towards your bedroom, it had started raining heavily, grimacing, you struggled to tame the wildly flying curtains and shut the window close. You roughly wiped the droplets of water from your face, looking down to see your clothes being soaked. You made your way towards your bathroom for a quick shower. 

The thunderstorm continued even after you were done with your shower, along with the heavy rain, frequent lightning, and loud claps of thunder. You made your way towards your window, water streamed down the glass, the sky dark with grayish hues. Suddenly the thunder cracked again, loud and close, you flinched hard backtracking your steps, hands pressed hard against your ears. The lights went off and then turned back on with the thunder, and then after a moment everything stilled. You relaxed in yourself, taking a few deep breaths to calm the erracting beating of your heart. Everything was quite quiet, too quiet, your stomach churned with unease or maybe just hunger, you weren't sure. You could hear your own breath clear in your ear and in that momentary silence you heard it, a soft crunch. 

Your eyebrows furrowed as you stayed glued to your place, maybe you were hearing things, then another soft crunch. You gulped, slowly inching towards the noise, the lights went off again, you looked side by side, eyes scanning the darkness, something felt weird. A chill rushes down your spine and the uncanny pressure of being watched makes you sweat. Then from the shadows of your bedroom door, a low voice, calm and amused, speaks, "Come on, pretty...don't take all night to react. I've been waiting for you here for a while now." A loud gasp escapes your lips, the voice too familiar, too close. You turn towards the voice, steps backtracking slowly. The light flickered once, dimly, casting shadows on your face, then it came fully.

"Jake?" You whispered as you stepped backward, heart beating loudly. You couldn't even bring yourself to speak any louder. Your left eyebrow twitching as you spoke, "who- how the fuck did you enter my house?" He laughed throwing his head back as he started closing the distance you were creating between you two. His eyes dark, sickening smirk engraved on his lips mocking your defense, "you aren't much careful when you punch in your code, not your fault, I'm just very good at what I do, pretty." He pouted enjoying watching you panic. 

You gulped watching him inch closer, and closer. Your mind was everywhere and nowhere at once. Your thoughts trailed over your apartment's main door before your eyes did and without wasting another second you dashed towards the door, barefoot, hastily rotating the door knob. Jake's steps were rushed but not hurried as he approached you, the door opened and you made a run towards the stairs, repeating 'don't look back just run forward' as a mantra. It was late in the evening, no one normally roamed outside at this hour, and fresh smell of rain was still lingering in the atmosphere, it almost impossible for someone to be out, but maybe, just maybe you could find someone for help. 

You jumped down from the last three stairs, wincing when your foot landed on a sharp rock, you looked side by side, and desperately banged the door of the old man who lived on the ground floor, you ran towards the street, searching for a presence when the door didn't open. Your thoughts wandered towards how he would've left the hospital in the first place, they would've surely sensed his absence by now, maybe they are on the way. You sighed in relief when you saw a person walking down not too far away from you, "Hey! Please help me!!" You yelled, running and waving your hand frantically in the air as if it would somehow gain their attention. 

The person's footsteps halted in the middle of the walk, he took one of his headphones out and turned back to see if he was hallucinating someone calling out in the middle of night. He shrugged when he found the whole street empty, putting back his headphones on as he made his way towards his home. 

Your back stung as the wall scraped against it, tears streaming down your face as you watched Jake apply more pressure on your mouth to make you quiet. You winced when your head made contact with the grainy wall due to his movements. He strained his neck to look for anyone, sighing in relief as he managed to get a hold of you before anyone could see you. He held both of your hands behind your back with one hand and pressed another one on your mouth. Your vision was blurry, blood oozing out of the foot that got injured, your hand ached with the banging of the door, your throat itchy and horse with all the yelling. 

Jake's breaths were shallow and quick, he turned his head towards yours, "no one's here to help you pretty, this place is mine, I know how this town works." You twisted your hands, trying to break free which only resulted in his hand wrapping more tightly around yours. His other hand glided from your mouth to your throat in a quick motion. The tight grip making it hard to even say a single word. You gasped for air, his eyebrows furrowed and pupils dilated. His eyes were sharp, gaze strong enough to lock you in your place. His body was pressed tightly against yours so you won't move your legs. He leaned down enough to graze his lips on your ear as he whispered, "be a good girl and walk back to your apartment with me, don't try to be smart, I won't hesitate to hurt you, pretty."

You sucked in air like you were drowning, like you'd been underwater for hours, his grip lifted but its memory stayed in your throat, bruising each of your breaths with fear. "I can be harsher than that," he huffed as he brought your hands in front, pulled out a strip of white plastic with a ridged surface, one swift pull and it tightened around your wrists like a noose. He wrapped your mouth with his handkerchief and picked you up bridal style, "thought I wouldn't be prepared?" You closed your eyes bracing for whatever that was going to happen with you. Your head rolled back in exhaustion, your vision blurring on the edges of your eyes as you slipped into darkness, and he just pulled you closer so your head would fall on his shoulders. 

Jake watched your face as he made his way back to your apartment, then let his eyes scan the street as if it personally offended him. He chuckled at himself, he thought you would fight more than you did. You looked pretty sleeping in his arms and he could almost imagine his future with this image. He stopped near your apartment, leaning against the apartment wall, he pulled off the handkerchief from your mouth. He made his way upstairs, deliberately checking if anyone woke up from all of the commotion. He knew the old man living on the ground floor took sleeping medication at night, he had made sure of that while he kept his eye on you from past 3 days. He didn't like doing things without being sure of everything. He loved destroying things with plan. 

He entered your apartment, made his way towards your bedroom and laid you against the headboard. He searched for your phone, keeping it in his pocket he moved back into the living room. He pushed the loveseat of your couch towards the entrance, huffing, as he straightened his back and finally secured it against the main door, now even if you were to run, you would struggle a bit till he caught up to you. He walked back towards you with a glass of water and put it on the night stand. He searched for a first aid kit in your bathroom, then in your nightstand, making his way towards your leg. He cleaned up your wound and bandaged it. The wound wasnt deep, you could still walk better. He pulled out your desk chair when he was done and sat as he waited for you to wake up. 

You opened your eyes, neck sore from the weird position, you wince a bit. "Thought you would directly wake up tomorrow..." your eyes snap towards Jake smiling at you from where he was sitting, a half eaten apple lying on the desk behind him. Everything that had happened in the last few hours crashed down on you as if someone had thrown icy water at you in the middle of the winter. He made his way towards you, plopping himself beside your trembling form, he raised his hand to brush your hair out of your face, eyes gleaming in satisfaction as you coiled into yourself. He wiped the tears that escaped your eyes, his other hand guiding the glass of water to your lips. His finger dragged through your hair and harshly tugged at it, your head tilting upwards as he helped you drink the water. 

"Why are you doing this? All I wanted was to help you," your voice was almost inaudible if Jake wasn't sitting so close to you, he chuckled, shaking his head at your words. "Help me?" A crease formed between his eyebrows as he tilted his head, you broke eye contact, staring at your lap as you fiddled with your fingers. His hand made their way towards your bounded ones, his thumb brushing around your wrist where the zip tie was irritating your skin. Your eyes landed on his wrist then on your own, noticing the similarities, only his had faded lightly. His hand cupped your jaw, locking your head in place so you won't have any other choice but to look at him, "is that what you said to me when you came to check up on me last friday?" 

"Why? You don't remember what you did?" You retorted, eyes sharp as you looked at him. A flicker of recognition crossed his mind and he laughed, the sound coming straight from the bottom of his heart. You looked at him like he grew some extra heads on his shoulders. "Can't believe this..." he muttered under his breath but you heard it, his eyes locked in yours, the smile never fading off his lips, "you're very likable pretty, wish we could've met under different circumstances." 

"Why are you doing this? I never did anything to hurt you! How did you ever escape the hospital? You realize that they will find you wherever you go, right?....you won't escape this, you won't get away with this." Your lips trembled as you spoke, voice cracking, as you tried to compose yourself in front of him. "No one will find out about me, not even the hospital." You shook your head, tears streaming down your cheeks. He cupped your jaw, his eyes his intense but soft around the edges as he wiped the tears, his lips brushed your forehead and he pulled you in his embrace. 

"Go back to the hospital, don't do this to yourself, I know you don't mean harm, please, I just want to help you." You pulled away trying to coerce him into believing that you're on his side. He looked at you then back at the zip tie, he broke it with the help of scissors and threw them back inside the drawers. "I want to be with you, not the hospital." You shook your head, placing both of your hands on his cheeks, "get better for me? We can live happily after..." his eyes snapped towards you, letting your words skin down in him, "you wanna do so?" You nodded your head, thinking of the ways you could turn this around, "I do. I really like you Jake," he sighed as he leaned his head on your forehead, "we can run away, we don't have to go back to that hell-hole." His words muffled as he kissed your cheeks, your eyes closing on instinct. He continued to shower your face in kisses, your heartbeat erratic as you let him be. 

He pulled away, his eyes scanning your face as if he wanted to commit your face in his memory. You sighed shifting your hands on his wrists as he cradled your face, "Jake, you can sleep here today but tomorrow we will go back to the hospital and I'll help you get better, believe me? Hm?" He looked at you, and for a minute you thought you almost had him where you wanted. He closed the distance between you, your lips parting in surprise. He waited until you reciprocated and he deepened the kiss. His one hand travelled back to hold your nape and bring your body closer, your hands found your way towards his hair. He groaned as he moved your body till you were lying on your back. His kisses soft as compared to how roughly he held you. 

His hands travelled down your body, squeezing and grabbing as they travelled across your body, you moaned into the kiss. Your body reacted heavily towards his actions, back arching off the bed as you melted into his. You were hot, breath ragged as he lips travelled down your throat, harshly sucking and biting on your skin, inevitably leaving marks. Your eyes were focused on your ceiling fan, your mind haywire with everything. Your wrist was still stinging because of the zip tie. You gasped when his teeth grazed a sensitive spot behind your ear. 

Your eyebrows furrowed as you let him hold you, there was something wrong. You had dreamt of this moment ever since your eyes landed on Jake, it didn't feel it same as it did in your dreams. But that was the difference, between dream and reality, reality always slaps you in your face. After a while he pulled back, kissing your lips once before hiding his face at the crook of your neck. You closed your eyes and ran your fingers down his back to help him sleep. You don't remember how long you waited, but you did, till Jake turned in his sleep and you were free from his hold. 

Your foot still burned because of the injury, you sat up slightly to find it already being patched up. Your eyes landed on Jake who was peacefully sleeping beside you, mouth agape as he snored lightly. You couldn't locate your phone, groaning slightly as he may have hidden it. You slipped out of your bed, half limping, half tiptoeing across the room, turning every 2 seconds to see if he was awake. You slowly closed the bedroom door behind you and locked it from outside, wincing when the lock made an obnoxiously loud sound. You made your way towards the door to see it blocked by the loveseat, you tried your best to move it enough to get out of the apartment. 

You were almost done, a little more, and you'll be able to open the door. You sighed, pulling on the loveseat one last time when you heard a loud bang against your bedroom door. "You're gonna regret doing this, I will make sure!" You turned around flinching hard at his voice, chest heaving but thankful that the bedroom door was closed. You pulled the loveseat, opening the door as wore your shoes hastily and ran out. Your foot was paining but it was now or never, you couldn't risk getting caught by him this time around. 

Halfway through you weren't even sure where your steps were taking you, it was late at night, the local diner was closed hours ago. You decided hospital would be your safe space. You ran and ran and ran until your legs gave out. You looked back to check if he was coming but there wasn't anyone in sight. You pushed yourself to run towards the hospital, the rows of houses and shops fading away as the hospital was situated at the end of the town. You were scared, the road was slippery because of the rain, your feet led you towards where the hospital was located as if it was a muscle memory, you turned to look back every minute in case you needed to hide.

Your legs buckled and you lost your balance when your injured foot landed on rock again. You closed your eyes to brace yourself from the impact but a strong pair of arms caught you before you could land face first on the slipper road. You could feel your heart in your throat, every ounce of energy leaving your body. The hospital was close, close. The hands holding you up helped you in stabilizing yourself, your hands grabbing theirs to ground yourself, for a second you froze, a flicker of hope burning at the back of your mind, but then you looked up, "you alright?" And saw *him*. The world seemed to tilt as your throat closed, the arms which held you now felt like a trap. 

"No...let me go!" You yelled, eyes wide, voice cracking. Your body reacts before your mind could, you shoved him, hard, with all of the power left in you. He stumbled back, his eyes wide in shock as he found his footing back on the ground. Desperation surged through your body like electricity, you were just afraid you were functioning on your pure need to survive. You staggered back, hitting your heart with your hand to somehow make it less frantic. Tears welled in your eyes, but they didn't dare to fall. 'This place is mine, I know how this town works' his words from earlier echoed in your mind, your lips quivered, there was no escaping him. 

"Why are you doing this to me? All I ever wanted was to help people like you, leave me alone, I beg you, please." You fell on your knees as you sobbed knowing well that he had been a part of this town longer than you had, he knew this town, you were stupid enough to think that you tricked him. You felt him kneel in front of you but he didn't touch you. "What are you saying?" You glared at him as much as you could with your slight blurry vision, you grabbed the collar of his shirt as you choked on your words, "I hate you." Your fingers released his shirt in exhaustion and he immediately pulled you towards him, and held you close, his breaths heavy. He didn't speak much, just rubbed your back and let you cry your heart out right in the middle of the road. 

"Hate me all you want, but I need to know the reason behind it," his voice was laced with pain as he pulled away from you, his hands on your shoulder as he watched you wipe your tears. You took a sharp breath and he held his thumbs rubbing slow circles on your shoulder. His touch was soft, as if he wasn't the reason your life was a havoc. Your eyes met his, and he urged you to continue, your mouth opened, mind filled with thousands of questions yet you weren't sure how to start. Did he get episodes like this where he completely forgets what he did before? He was looking at you like it is physically hurting him to see you like this. 

His eyes wandered towards the road behind you when he caught a movement, eyes widening in realization as he looked at you, now alert, before moving back towards the road, "can you walk?" His question caught you off guard but you shook your head no, the pain in your leg was unbearable. He frantically got up, crouching down to pick you up bridal style as he started walking in the opposite direction from where you were coming. "Trust me please, I'm not going to hurt you." His voice was almost begging you to cooperate, you tried to look over his shoulder but he turned around a corner just in time. "Where are you taking me?" 

"To the hospital, or at least somewhere safe." Somewhere safe? He wants to go back to the hospital? You almost ask him what he meant by that when a voice cut through the air, "going somewhere?" Jake's steps halted in their place, he put you down carefully and stood in front of you as if shielding you. "It's none of your concern," Jake gritted off his teeth, his hand holding yours firmly. You looked over his shoulder, limping slightly as you stood beside him. Your breath caught mid-inhale, confusion cracked through you like lightning, your vision blurred, not from tears, but from your exhausted mind who couldn't differentiate hallucination from reality. 

Your world split into two, there he stood, the man in front of you, who had the same height, same face, same eyes that haunted you. Your thoughts tangled with the mix of terror, confusion and disbelief. Same face, different souls? Your body screamed to run, but your feet won't move, your mind swirling with different possibilities. Was this a trick? Or the truth? What if they were together in this, playing with you from the start? Everything clicked together like missing pieces of puzzle as your eyes moved from the man standing in front of you to the man standing beside you. Your eyes landed on the hand that was wrapped around yours, fresh bruises adorning his wrist reminding you of it had been the one holding you who attacked you last week.

"Why are you out of the hospital?" The man in front of you said, gaining your attention, your head started hurting at this point. "Why are YOU out of the hospital? You were supposed to be inside this week!" Jake, who stood beside you hissed, the other man just laughed sarcastically, his eyes growing narrow before they landed on you, "I just missed her, was thinking why she didn't show up," You hid behind Jake as the man in front of you stepped a bit forward, the grip on your wrist tightened slightly, firmer hold, "leave her out of this, Jake! Why are you playing with her?" 

"Can't you see Jaeyun? I like her!" Though there was a visible facade of hurt on Jake's face, you could clearly see the fury behind his eyes threatening to overtake any minute. "Like her enough that you were going to abandon your own brother?" The hand that was holding you made its way towards your cheek, he leaned forward to whisper, "I'm so sorry you got dragged into this, I should have protected you better." You could see how hurt he was, the slight tremble of his lips, the hesitation when he touched you, the slight glossiness of his eyes, the shallow breaths. These twins, Jake and Jaeyun, were so alike yet completely different from one another.

Suddenly Jaeyun was pulled backwards by his hair, his feet scrambled beneath him, thrown off balance by the push. Your hands instinctively reached forward to grip him but a sudden, tight and strong grip on your throat held you in place. You screamed in pain, accidently putting your weight on your injured leg due to the sheer pressure of his actions. "You're supposed to be mine, mine to hold, mine to keep....you understand?" Your nails scratched his forearm, "I-I can't b-breathe." You could almost see whites behind your eyes due to the force he was exerting on your neck, and you heard Jaeyun before you could even see him throw a punch on Jake's face, "I warned you to leave her out of this didn't I?" Your hand found its way towards your neck as you coughed and Jake stumbled back.

"Did you just-? Did you just hit me?" Jake looked at his twin, baffled by his actions. Between both of them Jaeyun had always been the tamed one, the one who was shy, quiet, reserved and soft in a way everyone liked him whereas Jake was the bratty one, the one who was confident, loud, reckless and harsh in a way he always called for trouble. He remembers constantly being compared to his twin who was much better than him in everything, yet Jaeyun was kind enough to always see the good in him and forever stand by his side. Jaeyun never abandoned Jake, not when the school expelled him for constantly breaking the rules, destroying school's property and harming few students and a teacher in a fit of rage, not when he broke the neighbors front door when they were out because they complained to their parents about loud noises when he played games at midnight, not when his parents contemplated about sending him to psychiatric hospital when he got diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder. 

He remembers his mother crying day and night over his actions, and his father consoling her. Jaeyun was by his side through everything, he made sure his brother knew that he had someone by his side. Their parents stopped him from going out all together so he won't hurt anyone, and despite Jake becoming an outcast Jaeyun was the only person keeping him grounded. He remembers Jaeyun fighting with their parents to stop them from sending him to a psychiatric hospital, and how shocked he was to find Jaeyun knocking on his window one fateful night after months of being in no contact with any of his family members. Jaeyun believed all Jake wanted was to be treated like a normal person, he couldn't imagine his brother confined into a single room for heaven knows how long. Their parents abandoned him so Jaeyun abandoned them in retaliation. 

That's how it all started, Jaeyun would switch with Jake in the hospital for a week so Jake could live like a normal person. It was a point in Jake's life when he realized his brother would do anything for him, and he couldn't be more thankful to have him by his side. But Jake has always been selfish, and he knew Jaeyun's soft heart would never really understand how twisted he really was. Jaeyun was the only person who Jake trusted with all his heart. Jaeyun never really questioned him whenever he went a little too far with his actions. That was a new normal for them, Jaeyun sacrificed his own freedom and let Jake have half of it. 

Jaeyun was the first brother you met, and like a clockwork, he acted indifferent towards you like he did with everyone, but he couldn't help his heartbeat around you, couldn't help how drawn he was to you. And Jake knew Jaeyun like the back of his hand, he notices every little change, so he noticed the changes in Jaeyun's behavior too. Jake found you interesting when he first saw you, so unguarded, so serene, he couldn't help but want to taint your calm. It gave him an adrenaline whenever he watched you get flustered, nervous, a mess in front of him. It made him feel something after years of feeling nothing. 

Then the following weeks came, when he started noticing more about your and Jaeyun's bond, he watched it all, through the bathroom's crooked door space. That's the place they always switched their presence without anyone noticing for years, the worn-out, rusty ventilation window of the bathroom, big enough to climb and pass through. The security guard was always asleep during night time anyway, and both of the brothers were precise in their actions, years of sneaking in and out making them more sleath. Jaeyun knew his twin all the same, he could sense something was going on in his head when Jake started being more chirpy about the idea of meeting you. 

But Jaeyun shrugged it off, Mrs. Lee or Dr. Byeon never caught up to their switches, all both of them had to do was stay indifferent, answer shortly, avoid speaking too much. Sometimes Jake would lose cool, which would end up with him being chained up to safeguard everyone and him. But it was a passing problem, Jake realized that soon enough, manipulating his behavior to gain the trust and go back to the routine, the handful of nurses and doctors of the old hospital were too tired to bother about minute differences in details anyway. And both of them thought no one would even bother with their little slip ups, so when you questioned Jaeyun about the previous week's checkup and about the disappearance of the bruises on his wrist, which he never really paid attention to before, he was terrified. He did what he could think was the best for you in those few seconds, he scared you, just like they did with every other new nurse who showed even the slightest bit of suspicion. Jaeyun thought it would be best if you leave, he did it to protect you from getting cornered by his brother, even when it broke his heart to treat you so poorly. 

"I told you to stay away from her Jake," Jaeyun softly pushed you behind him with his hand on your stomach. His other hand was still clenched in fist, aching from the punch he threw at Jake. He felt betrayed by Jake in a way, he waited for him to show up to switch places like usual but he was nowhere to be found. Now, Jaeyun agrees there have been instances where this had happened before and it wasn't a big deal, but Jaeyun was scared Jake knew about his feelings for you and he was afraid it wouldn't do any good for either of you. He waited and waited but his anxiety took the best of him and he left in search of his brother, but stumbled upon you in the middle of the road instead. 

From where you stood behind Jaeyun, you could see Jake's gaze trained on the way Jaeyun's hand held you, then back towards you face. His lips twitched, a scoff of disbelief escaping him as he glared at you. You recoiled a few steps away, hands instinctively going up towards your neck, which was now sore and had definitely started forming bruises. He took a few steps towards you and Jaeyun cut him off by firmly standing in between you, the tension between them palpable. 

"Can't you see Jaeyun? I really love her, I want to be with her, she feels the same, I visited her in her apartment," you could see the slight tension in Jaeyun's shoulder as those words left his brother's mouth. He took a deep breath trying to rationalize with Jake, "you're not in love with her, you're being obsessed, there's a difference, and following her and breaking into her house isn't normal." Jaeyun's voice was low but steady, almost as a warning waiting to be heard. Jaeyun took a few steps back, your hand finding his, he turned his head towards you for a brief moment, his fingers intertwined with yours in a subtle way to assure you he's with you. Jake took a few more steps forward, the gleam in his eyes was dark and calculating as he glared at Jaeyun, "oh so now I get it, when she smiles at you, it's destiny. But when she talks with me, I'm obsessed and it's not normal?" 

Jaeyun's breath hitch, "you're twisting things, you always do this-" Jake cut him off, "because you make it easier for me to do that. Don't you think she'd want to be with someone who is confident like me? Someone who will do anything for her? You think being the good one will make her choose you because of some moral obligations?" He leaned closer towards Jaeyun, "you know she kissed me in her apartment, she even promised to help me heal and be with me." Jaeyun's expressions faltered for a second and that was enough for Jake to know he's got his brother where he wanted him to be.

"See?" Jake whispered, "she doesn't want you the way she wants me, she's just a bit rattled. Maybe deep down she knows the one who's willing to fight for her love at all cost might love her harder than the one who's currently trying to be her knight in shining armor." You limped forward, pulling Jaeyun towards you to break the tension in between them by creating some distance. Jaeyun stepped back, his face void of color but his eyes burning, "don't drag her into this, don't try to turn her into a prize just because she was able to ignite some emotions in you. And I won't let you break her just so you could win to satisfy your ego." 

"Are you hurt because you thought I'm abandoning you for her? I wanted to get you out of that hospital and we could've lived happily after. But you just ruined that by running away from the hospital." At Jake's words Jaeyun exploded, lightly removing your hands from him before grabbing his brother's collar, "you weren't going to do any of that, you don't care about anyone else but yourself! You only want her because you know that I do! For you this is just another game, to win, to let your ego know that you're the better twin!" Jake stared back, cold and composed but you could feel the anger threatening to spill out from his eyes, "is that what you think? You finally agree that you'd choose a girl rather than your brother's happiness? I think you're starting to finally show that you hate me. Maybe you silently prayed that I never existed."

Silence stretched between them, both of them just waiting for the other to back down, then Jake huffed a breath, "you've always been the favorite child, the golden one if you asked me. Everyone loved you, trusted you, spoke highly of you. They never cared about me, never really heard my story unless it was you who narrated it. I'm tired of you." Jaeyun released his hold, breathing hard at Jake's confession, "I did choose you, Jake. Everytime you rebelled, everytime you destroyed things, everytime you hurt someone, I covered for you, I stood by your side. I even abandoned our parents because they abandoned you. I came back to you, agreed to give up everything so you could get an ounce of freedom and what did you conclude? I've loved you more than you ever deserved Jake!"

Jaeyun continued, "You've always found a way to let things go your way...I won't let that happen with her. Not because I want to win against you but because I know you'll destroy her." Jake's eyes travelled towards you then back at Jaeyun, "you think I'm that fucked in the head?" Jaeyun's eyes wandered towards the sky before they landed back on Jake, "I know you are." You stood quietly, letting them have their moment, it was funny really, two brothers fighting over you yet you didn't have a say in it. But as Jaeyun hugged Jake tightly, holding him close as if it was the last time he'll ever hold his brother like this, you realized who you had chosen after all.

Jake's eyes wandered towards you as he hugged Jaeyun back, taking in your condition. The dirty clothes, the bruised hands and neck, hair messy, face smudged with a mix of tears and dirt, your shoe bloodied due to the injury. Jake broke the hug as he made his way towards you. You took a step back, eyes darting towards Jaeyun who nodded reassuringly at you. "Will you be by his side forever?" His eyebrow arched as he waited to hear your answer, a hint of confusion gracing your features, "why are you asking me that?" You weren't sure if he would once again trick and harm you so you maintained your distance. 

Jake took out your phone from his pocket, dangling in front of your face before continuing, "do you have feelings for him or not?" You tried to grab your phone when he stretched his hand out of your reach, "you need to answer first pretty..." you shivered at the pet name used, eyes trailing towards Jaeyun then back at Jake's, you nodded your head reluctantly, eyebrows creasing in awkwardness because this is the first time you've admitted about your feelings in front of other. Jaeyun's breath hitched and Jake looked down for a second, deep in thought. For a few minutes, all of you just stayed still, processing everything, then Jake cleared his throat, opening your phone and typing something before tossing the phone back in your hand. 

He put his hands in his pocket, turning around towards his twin and just took in his presence. Jaeyun looked at him confused, his steps leading him towards where you and Jake were standing. Screeching of tyres and car engines disrupted the stillness established, you and Jaeyun exchanged glances as no one dared to move. Two cars stopped right in front of you, your eyes widening in realization, 4 security guards, Dr. Byeon, and Nurse Hong made their way towards you. Their gaze confused as they landed on Jake and Jaeyun, your stopped breathing, trembling hands unlocking your phone to check the last activity. Jake had messaged the hospital about his whereabouts. 

Jake made his way towards the security guards, to enter the car when Jaeyun stopped him, his eyes filled with tears as he hugged his twin. Jake sighed as he briefly hugged Jaeyun then pushed him in your direction, then turning towards Dr. Byeon to explain everything. You took a step forward, hands sliding in Jaeyun's in silent comfort. You could feel the pain, the love, the longing he felt as he watched Jake enter the car to go back to the hospital, his words loud and clear even from the distance, "maybe it's time for me to actually get better, I promise I'll be out of the hospital in no time in a much better state." Jaeyun sobbed in your shoulder as he watched the cars go. 

You decided it would be best for you to have a long vacation before you rejoined the hospital, Jaeyun was by your side taking care of you the whole time. The town was still the same, but it didn't feel that detached because he was by your side. You don't feel lonely now. You and Jaeyun decided it would be better to find another apartment for you since that place gave you nightmares, and it was only after all your injuries were healed that Jaeyun discussed his need to go for therapy. You assured him that it was the best decision and that you supported him. Your new apartment was right beside Sunoo's so now you had a companion to be with while going to work. His mom occasionally sends you food and invites you home so you don't feel homesick. 

The hospital authority finally decided to renovate the building, and more alert security was placed around the hospital. The room no. 015 was now completely sealed and turned into a storage room. It was safe to say everyone was baffled to their core when they learned how the brother's used to swap the places. More staff were appointed to the hospital to not burden the current staff to the point that mistakes like this happened again. And as for Jake, Jaeyun occasionally visited him, who was reluctant at first to meet his brother but then eased off since Jaeyun was very persuasive. Dr. Byeon decided he himself would monitor Jake and had informed you about his progress and cooperation and even though you still get chills from that night, you still hope he'll recover fast. 

"Hello, is anyone there!" You grinned when you enter the local diner, Uncle Noh, the middle aged cashier just gave you his signature deadpan look, "your smile gives me chills, but to answer your question unfortunately, yes..." you closed the door and made your way towards him anyway, now completely immune to his edgy personality. He called out Jaeyun's name before you could even reach him, a mop of dark hair peeking from behind the back door. You waved at him enthusiastically and he lit up as he rounded the counter and hugged you tight. 

"Gross, children nowadays make me sick with their pda," you laughed in Jaeyun's chest as Uncle Noh made his way inside the backroom, again. You felt Jaeyun kiss the top of your head, you pulled back slightly, your arms wrapped loosely around his waist. He kissed your temple before leaning in to put his forehead against yours. "You're done with your work early today," you smiled at his words as you kissed his nose, "I wanted to spend some time with you, so I completed my work with more enthusiasm, it's the weekend now." Jaeyun laughed at your excited tone, ruffling your hair a bit, he excused himself to gather his things so you could go back to your house. Initially Jaeyun decided it would be better to live separately, he wanted to learn how to live his life on his own and not be dependent on you. When you felt confident that he could survive on his own, you asked him if he would be okay with moving in and he agreed.

Jaeyun cooked dinner and while you finished taking a shower, you made your way towards him. He jumped slightly but relaxed when he felt your arms sneak inside his shirt and rest. He relaxed his body as you prepped kisses on his neck and shoulder. Your fingernails gently scratching his skin from his chest to his hips. He shuddered at your touch, biting back a whimper when you bit his ear. His hands held yours as he exhaled and let you continue. He would be lying if he said he didn't miss having you like this. 

"You visited Jake today, right?" You felt him nod his head, "he says Mrs. Lee told him he's improving." You smiled at his words and listened as he carefully told you about his visit. "He says he wants to apologize to you, but isn't sure if you're okay with it..." Jaeyun's voice was careful and cautious as he said those words to you, you stilled for a moment, though you acknowledged and encouraged Jake's will to get better you were yet to gain courage to face him. But maybe it was time to put all those things in the past and start anew. 

Jaeyun turned around in your arms after turning off the stove, then lifting you up and placing you on the counter. Your hands found home around his neck, his hands squeezing your plush things before sliding towards your knees. He pulled you towards the edge of the counter, parting your legs and smirking while slotting himself in between him. A small whine left your lips when he rubbed against your sensitive spot, a small smirk playing on his lips as he dipped his head low and captured your lips with his. Your one hand slid through his hair, scratching at his scalp while the other held onto his shoulder for dear life. He slid his tongue across your bottom lips and you parted your lips to let him deepen the kiss. One of his hands wrapped around the nape of your neck to pull you closer while his other roamed around your body till it reached your boobs. 

You moaned in his mouth when he gently squeezed it, hips grinding against his to create some friction to your aching core. He groaned sensing your needy state, his mind contemplating between eating the dinner or eating you out instead, his personal favorite was the latter. He secured your legs around his waist and carried you towards the bedroom, not breaking the kiss. He hoisted you against the closed door of your bedroom, a bit impatient, his hands searching for the door knob as he trailed kisses from your jaw to your neck and collarbone. You whined as he bit your sensitive spot, then soothe it with his tongue. It was messy, the way he made love with you but it was endearing nonetheless. 

He sighed deeply, opening the door and placing you on the mattress, his steps clumsy but you were too needy for his touch to even care. He climbed on top of you, your hands reaching for the buttons on his shirt and opening them with your trembling fingers, he chuckled lightly at you before helping you with the rest of the buttons and threw his shirt somewhere behind him. Your fingernails trailed down from his chest to his stomach and he shuddered, leaning down till he caged you in between his arms. His lips met yours again, his hands pulling at the hem of your (his) shirt that you were wearing. You pushed him a little bit, getting up to pull the shirt off of you. He hissed when he saw that you wore nothing underneath the shirt. 

"You're going to be the death of me," he murmured against your skin as he lapped at the sensitive skin of your breast, purposefully ignoring the spot you needed him to pay attention to. Your back arched off the bed, wanting, needing, craving his mouth around your nipples. You pulled his hair, hard, your action making him moan, you could feel him grow hard from where he was situated in between your thighs, your hips rutting against it. "You're being too impatient today baby," yet he couldn't help but grind his hips against yours to maximize the friction. "Need you Jae, so bad," his lips met yours to drown out your moans. Your neediness makes him lose control, "yeah baby? How bad? Can't even wait to take the clothes off before you cum?" 

You nodded your head, your eyes glassy with lust. He groaned, adjusting his position so his clothed bulge was pressed directly upon your clothed pussy, he spread your legs wider, folding your knees for better access. You pulled him close so his body was pressed against yours as he began moving back and forth against your pussy. "So needy," he huffed and you closed your eyes feeling overwhelmed by the emotions. Jaeyun, ever the sweet guy, noticed your actions, he put his forehead on yours, not once stopping the movements of his hips against yours, "you close baby?" you moaned in response, your body trembling as you reached your climax, your breath heavy as you opened your eyes, he followed right after you, collapsing on top of you. 

You rubbed his back while he caught his breath. His head nuzzled at the crook of your neck. He pulled away slightly to kiss you softly, "I love you baby." You smiled at his shy expression, cupping his cheek as you mumbled a quiet, "I love you too." He ran towards the bathroom, changing into clean sweatpants, and came back with a wet cloth to help you clean. You stayed sprawled on the bed as he removed your shorts along with your panties and cleaned you up. He threw the cloth on the laundry basket and helped you get dressed into clean pajamas. You spread your arms when you were done with everything, he happily obliged, head nuzzling on your chest as he let himself rest. 

"You know," He started after a few moments of silence, you hummed in response, feeling tired, "even though we met in very unusual circumstances, I'm glad I met you. You're one of the best things that has happened in my life." Your heartbeat quickened at his unexpected confession, knowing that being vulnerable is something he had always struggled with. He chuckled at your raised heartbeat, "I can hear your heartbeat you know, it's kinda funny it's you who is flustered." You pushed him off of you, grabbing the pillow at hitting him, "you should be glad I love you, don't forget how your heartbeat used to get hiked up whenever I used to perform an auscultation on you." He laughed at your words, grabbing your hands and pulling your body flush against his, "I know, I found you so pretty I couldn't help myself, God forbid a man is utterly infatuated by the love of his life." You just shook your head, hands wrapping around his torso, you could get used to this. 

[sttoru]

♯ 𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊.

⟣ sypnosis. kento has been extremely busy lately, going on business trips and so forth. he decides to surprise you by coming back earlier than expected. that’s how you end up finding your lover on top of you, showering you in his affection at 3 in the morning.

⟣ tags. nanami kento x female reader. fluff, bit of angst, suggestive towards the end. reader gets called 'sweetheart, angel, dear' wc: 1.8k

⟣ note. okayokay finally an adition to my event heheh ive almost forgotten about it but then i saw this prompt & was like . ok nanami , i must write this rnnn no delaying anymore so here i am :3 its also very bad. i hate it sm LOL i hope u at least like it t_t

kento often asks himself why he had returned to the world he despised — the jujutsu society; his old high school. the sprawling curses everywhere are the main cause of his current misery.

he had been sent out on missions left and right, not catching a break in hopes of reducing any more civilian causalities than necessary. kento had even thought that maybe his previous 9-5 job wasn’t as bad as he had considered it.

overtime was every day for the sorcerer now. that wasn’t the worst thing - no - the fact that he was pratically living a long distant relationship with his beloved irritated him most.

a thought he had in his high school days reoccured in a moment of distress: ‘why not leave all those missions to gojo?’

you were still pretty understanding of his situation. kento appreciated that, though the guilt still ate away at him whenever he tried to sleep. an empty bed welcomed him each time he re-entered his hotel room — you saw the exact same scenery when returning home to your shared apartment.

both of you were adults; both knowing that life was unfair. the two of you being unable to see each other from time to time was a part of your life. kento and you still maintained a healthy relationship. that was all that really mattered in the end.

11:49PM. . . tonight wasn’t unlike any other night; you were preparing yourself to go to bed—changing into your pyjamas after showering, snuggling to a pillow under the covers and texting your lover one last message.

‘good luck on your mission as always! stay safe, i love you.’

you stare at your phone screen for a minute longer than intended. even if you tried to be mature about it — you longed for kento’s warmth and undivided attention. you want him with you, his strong arms holding you to his chest as you rest, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine in the best way possible.

you sigh defeatedly and put your phone down on your nightstand. just two days until you could see your partner again. you can hold onto that hope to keep you calm.

despite you trying to stay positive, you tossed and turned in your bed as you thought about kento’s safety. there was always a chance of him not coming home to you — always the possibility of that bed to be empty for the rest of your life.

all you could do was pray for his safety in your head whilst your eyes eventually closed from fatigue, your mind drifting off to a deep slumber.

03:14AM. . . kento opens the door he had wished to have opened way earlier. the door that lead to the place where his heart lays; the person who claimed his heart and soul for eternity. you.

he didn’t think he’d actually do it. kento had originally planned to finish his last job as soon as possible and then get home afterwards, but there seemed to be a change in routine.

the special grade sorcerer simply assigned the mission to ino — the person whom he could trust most to finish the job in one piece. as much as kento dislikes to put his juniors in possible risky situations, there are also situations where it’s fine to depend on them. besides, the mission could easily be done by a grade one sorcerer.

kento sighs. the familiar scent of your home was one he could recognise from miles away. one that could calm his nerves instantly. it was that same distinctive scent you carry; thus why your lover sometimes calls you his home.

‘i can’t wait to be home’ ‘i want to be home’ ‘i’m going home’ — all these sentences, which kento has uttered before in earlier conversations, weren’t referring to a place. rather to a person he held dear.

“oh, my sweetheart.” the blonde man whispers under his breath as his eyes catch the shape of your figure under the blankets. he quietly enters the master bedroom and closes the door behind him, not making a sound as to not interrupt your well-deserved sleep.

kento slowly undoes his dotted tie, along with the upper buttons of his blouse. he probably needs to go take a good shower before he could settle down with you — but that’d risk waking you up.

you look extremely angelic in his eyes. especially with your left cheek squished by the soft pillow your head rests on. you never once fail to convince him that you are indeed the woman of his dreams; the woman kento ever had and will have eyes for. it’s like you get more attractive to him as the days go on.

“mh,” your sudden and soft groan makes him realise just how disturbing his behaviour could be interpreted as. kento’s body was hovering over your sleeping one and he was just. . . staring at you with a soft smile. a smile which he didn’t even notice had permanently found its place on his weary face.

kento sits down on the edge of the mattress, callused hand gently tucking you in properly, putting the blanket over your shoulders to make sure you didn’t get cold. he can’t rest if you’re not comfortable— even if he himself was exhausted to the point his eyes were starting to feel heavy.

yet that exhaustion doesn’t last long. it never does when kento’s able to see you again after a tiring week of countless missions and other jobs. your presence alone grants him the energy to stay awake and take care of you. and himself. you’re the reason he keeps it going.

“i love you so much, my beautiful girl — my angel.”

kento sure was a romantic. even when you’re unaware and asleep.

he couldn’t help it; the feeling stirring inside of him. the feeling of adoration and love for you. you are simply resting, yet kento felt an urge to kiss you all over, show you the unending love he has for you. but. . that’d probably be disturbing your peace. you are sleeping after all. he

not that that would stop kento.

your eyes flutter open due to a sudden presence hovering over you. your entire face and neck area was feeling ticklish, like someone was placing tens of kisses all over the skin.

strands of blonde hair is the first thing showing up in your blurry vision. kento’s face follows afterwards as his head tilts back up, the warmth against your jawline disappearing along with it —

“ah, i’m sorry.” a low and almost guilty chuckle tumbles out of his sore throat. the visible confusion on your face makes him let out another, “shh, shh, it’s just me, sweetheart.”

your arms flew around kento’s torso the second the realisation dawns upon you. your heart went from a slow pace to one that caused your entire body to warm up immediately; the adorable reaction and increase in heart rate not going unnoticed by your lover.

you wordlessly hug him — almost still in shock by the sudden appearance. kento doesn’t fight off your tight embrace, instead, welcomes it with open arms. the delicate kisses on your skin continue, each being placed with precision whilst one of his hands keeps your head tilted a little — rough fingers being a contrast of the gentle grip they had on your jaw.

“i missed you lots,” kento murmurs, eyes closed as he basks in the warmth of your body, his lips refusing to let go of your neck, “i couldn’t wait anymore. i couldn’t be separated from you any longer or i’d lose it.”

his gruff voice sounded even deeper than it usually would. maybe due to the overuse of it during his missions. the lone thought makes you pout — the thought of kento working super hard just to provide for you both.

“i missed you more, love.” you mumble, bottom lip trembling a little as kento’s hug triggers a whole lot of emotions in you. his hugs were special, his muscular arms giving you a sense of comfort you couldn’t find anywhere. no one could hug you like he did, “you did well. you did so well.”

those were all the words kento needed. his lips come to halt right above your collarbone, his breath a bit heavy from how much he's holding himself back from doing more. one hand moves from your cheek to your waist, fingers toying with the fabric of your shirt.

“thank you, dear.” kento says. his words carrying a load of unending affection. your simple words of appreciation and encouragement makes him shiver in delight. this is what he longed for; this is what he did it all for.

it was clear. the answer to his question - of why he had returned to the jujutsu world, to become a teacher at his former high school - it was all for you. to be able to be with you, see you and hold you like this. to have someone like you appreciate all of his efforts.

“may i?” kento asks through a quiet whisper as he gently removes the blanket covering your figure, his eyes darting down towards your cleavage. he's asking for permission to cross that barrier — to cover you in the love you deserve.

you just stare at the blonde man above you for a second. you watch as he climbs onto the bed with you; the bed which was once empty and dull, now suddenly becoming your favourite place to be at. your fingertips graze against kento's sharp cheekbones. a habit you always did when you were appreciating his looks.

“go right ahead.” you answer with a confirming nod.

both of you were touch starved and had been deprived from each other's embrace for way too long. now was the perfect time to make up for all the time lost.

kento wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip past him. he smiles at you, a gentle and handsome smile, whilst a few of his blonde locks fall over his left eye — his hands already prying away the blanket covering your shape. it was time to show you just how much he has longed for you.

“hold on to me, sweetheart. i’m not stopping until you realise just how much i’ve missed all of you.”

[m-robinavitch]

sedated.

Pairing: Michael "Robby" Robinavitch x Female!Reader/Slight Original Female Character(no names used but they call her Angel as nickname) Summary: Being the cause of Langdon’s demise. As guilt eats away at you- you turn to the only person who understands your pain in this moment. Robby. Warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, slight passive suicidal thoughts, mild dubious consent, age gap relationship(older man/younger woman), drug mentions. Crossposted to AO3

“To uphold your dignity”

 Lies. I did not listen, I judged him. I was judged. I was not empathetic nor kind to him. I silenced his pained voice and spat on the choice he made. I could not cure him, I was not capable, I could not comfort him as he had done for me many times over. 

“To offer my best self”

I am not worthy of this profession. I mishandled the privilege I had to care for him. I did not embrace my imperfections, I hid them deep in my soul because they were failures that shame me. I was not vulnerable with him, I did not give him a safe space to heal; I slammed the door in his face and threw the key. I was not courageous, I did not want to risk failing. I admitted my errors and asked for forgiveness- and I do not condemn him for denying me. 

“To foster collaboration and mutuality”

I left my team hanging, they could not care for him because of me. I laughed at the experiences he lived, I did not care for his decisions nor tried to maintain a partnership. I did not ask for help because I did not think there were boundaries on my abilities and I did not offer help when he had reached his limitations. I cultivated a culture of resilience against understanding and only worked to support my own professional gain, no regard for others or him. 

“To practice the highest quality of care”

I stopped trying to learn; medicine was a tool, I have lost the love for the art and science. I advanced knowledge for my own benefit, I was not honest nor cared enough to change. I only celebrated myself, those who came before me no longer mattered for my success. 

“To care for all”

I did not embrace my citizenship to humanity, I shirked any obligations to act in the benefit of all human beings, especially his. I did not challenge my biases, I shamed him, told him he did not deserve the care that was inclusive to all aspects of identity. I did not combat structural oppression, I promoted my own justice and my own ethical action, not those of society or wellness. I leveraged my position and privilege for myself, did not care about the system that failed him, because I was the system that failed him. 

“Today”

I did not stand with my peers in solidarity, I was not united, I was self serving, unkind, someone I did not recognize. I shunned where we came from, there is no future for us anymore. I have no gratitude for those who supported me, for they were wrong. I sullied this oath, defiled my honor and his. I am not a doctor who heals; I am wicked and damned. I am to be held accountable. 

I prescribed Langdon the pills first.

He never said no. Langdon would come at every beck and call to him from someone he loved, someone who needed him. Even after he moved out of your shared apartment and into his space with Abby, he would still answer your calls at 3 in the morning on the first ring because “what if you needed him?” No questions asked, whenever, whatever is how his soul would operate with yours. Which is also how he got roped into his parents aid this weekend. Helping them move out of his childhood home by toiling over the boxes that were stacked near as tall as he was. Each box housed every award, trophy, and ribbon that he ever accumulated, every drawing he scribbled and every memory of a happy childhood that his parents could cherish. 

Now he wasn’t exactly an old man, barely inching his way into his 30’s, but Langdon killed his body with every 60 hour plus work week, combined with being a father to both a 3 year old and a 16 month old, he was exhausted and sore constantly. This particular week while shuffling around the routine group of elderly nursing home patients in the morning, he didn’t lift with his legs like he should’ve. Ibuprofen, his usual aid of choice, hadn’t done the trick that day or the past few weeks, even begging you to massage his back for a second in the Pitt break room with the perfect ER Ken doll pout. But the whole weekend moving boxes to and from his old home and parents' new apartment, a sharp spasm had erupted from the heel of his right foot and trailed up to his lower back- pulling tight at the muscles that were still sore, making the box slip from his arms and land with a crash. The gasp that left him had even surprised his mother, who attempted to get him to sit down, but there were only a few more boxes left and he wanted to go home to sleep it off until work the next morning. So he powered through. And did not get to go to sleep as soon as he got home, no Tanner wanted to play, wanted to be thrown up in the air and caught and run around in the backyard, who was Langdon to deny his son the pleasure of bonding with his father?

The box he dropped held his NYU Biology bachelor’s degree, cracking the frame and the glass spidering along the edge- an omen he paid no mind to at the time. 

“You’ve been hobbling around like an old man all fucking morning, sit down Frankie.” Langdon, for all his glory as an ER doctor, was a giant man child. Stereotypical man-flu haver. Or when you would say you’re not feeling good, an hour later neither is he even though you have period cramps. But those damn electrifying blue eyes of his have anyone struck, babying him like he wants even though the drama queen in him is saying “no- no I’m fine please.” Even now, he’s swatting your hand away as you grab his bicep to make him sit down for a second. 

“I’m fine, just tweaked my back this weekend.”

“If you’re gonna brag about sex I’m not giving you sympathy.” You say with a roll of your eyes and start to walk away while he follows you, still sitting in the rolling chair but using his long legs to catch up to you and grabbing you by the edges of “your” hoodie. It wasn’t yours, two sizes too big, years of wear and tear from near daily use, a hint of musky cologne that never seemed to fade no matter how much you washed it. 

“Don’t tell me you and him are on the rocks again.” Groaning and pulling you to sit in the empty chair next to his, only to take the can of Red Bull from your hand to steal a sip. 

“Okay, I no longer have sympathy for you. I hope you hurt more and stub your toe on the gurney.” Standing, grabbing the Red Bull back from his hand and chugging the rest of its contents. Langdon lived to tease you, and the fact that you slept with your attending the day before your internship at Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Hospital had him relentless. 

“No, no. Wait. Ok, sorry, sorry. I forgot- touchy subject” Groaning again but this time from pain, Langdon stood to catch up to you, shuffling a bit as to not exert too much energy. “I was helping my parents move this weekend and I lifted wrong, back was acting up from when I had to wrestle Ms. Hall into bed Thursday. And I was already still hurting from when Tanner and I were on the trampoline.”

“Yeah she does have the energy of a spry 70 year old instead of 90. And that was also your fault for attempting to backflip. Have you been taking anything?” You inquire, stopping to lean against the computer as he caught up to you. 

“No,” shaking his head frustrated, “I feel like I pop ibuprofen like candy, it’s done nothing.”

“Fine, here, to stop your whining and since you have been in pain for a good while already-“ you turn to face the computer, typing a bit while he leaned over you to rest his dimpled chin on your shoulder. “I’ll send a script for 5 mg of Oxy to the pharmacy, don’t get addicted” you laughed with him then, but it had been a prophecy, not a joke. 

You gave your best friend the map for his destruction and you both laughed at the time. You assisted him in his suffering, and aided him in his own ruination. How could you not blame yourself? How could you not cry and toil for all eternity over the guilt? How do you go on with the knowledge that you sabotaged his entire life and career when all he did was trust and love you when no one else could? You can never look him in the eyes again. You can never call yourself the godmother to his children again, because you were also made to protect them and you were abetting in damning their future in tandem with their father’s. You can never smile with his wife again because now all she sees in you is the pain and suffering you caused her husband, her children, herself, bound blood still fresh on your hands. 

The day was long, it was tiring, it was brutal. You leaned against the hospital, taking a moment to breathe the crisp night air- feel the slight breeze on your skin after being stuck in the stuffy ER from the massive trauma. You could be proud of yourself- could pat yourself on the back because you did more than what you could today. Running back and forth between patients, literally shoving your hand in a man’s chest to stop the bleeding- which had you in the OR for a few hours, watching the fruit of your labor take place. After scrubbing out you felt good- felt like you could work another few hours. But you wanted to catch up to Robby, see how he was holding up from the day's events. You can see him and Abbott walking towards the benches where some members of the “Pitt Crew” told you to join them for a drink- a well deserved one no doubt but your phone was vibrating. 

“Hey- where’d you go? Was gonna to see if you wanted to get a dri-“

“Did you tell him?” Cutting you off- speech struggling and slurred. Confusing pulled at your face, brows furrowed because he didn’t sound okay. Langdon sounded very drunk and very angry. He never got angry really- at least not at you. 

“Tell who what? Frank where are you?” He had disappeared and reappeared amid the chaos of the Pitt, only to disappear again. 

“Don’t fucking lie to me- we promised we’d never lie right?” He slurred again- quickly you try to find his location on your phone, only to realize he had blocked you from seeing him. 

“You sabotaged me-“ he sobbed, “you fucking had to take me out. I was in pain- I needed them, you knew that!” What was he doing? You want to call Abby, but you’re afraid if you got him off the phone you’d lose him and something worse would happen. 

“Frankie- what are you talking about? Are you ok? Just tell me where you are an-“ you’re trying to understand his slurred words, he’s mumbling and yelling bitterly- blaming you for his own actions and you’re trying to follow.

“The Oxy angel! You gave me the fucking Oxy- remember?” His anger bubbled up, “you knew I was in pain and you watched me pop the pills you gave me. I got fired. Happy now? Couldn’t be me so you had to take me down with you.” You couldn’t say anything else- he had already hung up. Your hand was shaking- trying to call him back but your efforts were in vain as it kept going to voicemail. Each call was denied. You couldn’t breathe- your chest tightened, neck felt like someone was squeezing you. No. No- he couldn’t. Langdon wasn’t- was he? The air was gone from your lungs, spinning, you couldn’t stop the spinning and noise in your head. Was this your fault? Did you subconsciously try to do this to your best friend? You needed air even though you were already outside- you needed to get away, run from your thoughts but you couldn’t go home, no- because home was once Langdon’s and whispered his name everywhere you stepped. 

With slow, shaky steps you make your way to the roof, throwing the door open and dropping your bag, not caring where it landed really. You cling to the railing, tears hot and angry- when did you start crying? You needed more air, needed to feel like you were flying because gravity was so heavy right now, crushing you and pulling you down like you were being dragged to hell for your sins already. Unsure and wobbly, you throw a leg over the rail, straddling for a second because the wind is picking up but- maybe it felt good to fall from grace? Finally fall from the title of ‘angel’ that you were bestowed upon so many years ago by Langdon. Throwing your other leg around, you’re walking closer to the edge, looking down at the hospital and- it would feel nice for a moment right? The free fall? The wind rushing in your face and through your hair? Was Langdon right? Did you do this on purpose? When did you begin to feel jealous- if you ever did? Slowly you step back and start to pace- thinking about every single moment of the last year. How much did you even give him? When? Not remembering was the worst part because you didn’t care to take notice of your best friend spiraling. Your thoughts were so loud and the wind was roaring in your ears you didn’t hear the door open again or Robby initially calling out to you.

“Angel,” Robby paused, watching you walk back and forth along the edge of the roof, wringing your hands and muttering to yourself, “hey- angel what’s wrong?” His voice was soft, gently probing so he doesn’t startle you- but you paid him no mind. After his drink with a few of the ED members, he inquired if you had gone home already- hoping to catch up to you and see how you handled the day, but someone mentioned seeing you head to the roof and Robby’s gut told him to check on you. You were pacing along the edge, pulling at your fingers and wringing your hands together because you can’t remember how much you prescribed Langdon. You can’t remember when you even offered and now you have this tightness in your chest. You’re trying to recount the last few weeks- how was he acting? How was his disposition? In all the years you’ve known Frank he was acting the same but, no- no there had to be something, a sign or some indication that he wasn’t okay. 

“Fuck!” you yell, stopping in your stride and shoving the heels of your palms into your eyes because you can’t- fucking- remember. Trailing your hands up- sliding your fingers in your hair you pulled just a bit, trying to jog your memory back to any moment when you asked yourself if Langdon was okay. 

“Angel- angel stop,” Robby swings himself over the railing- cradling your face to force you to look at him. “What’s wrong? What happened?” He’s asking questions you don’t even have the answers to, you don’t know what happened- where Frank is, if he’s ok. God were you this stupid? Every month there is some type of “substance abuse signs” email that Gloria sends out- doctors are the worst dealers and yet the most common addicts. 

“I don’t- I don’t know I-“ you’re shaking your head- either to let Robby know you’re unsure or to shake the relentless thoughts from your mind, “Michael I- it’s my fault, it’s- it’s my fault I- Langdon- it was me-I did it-“ you’re babbling- hyperventilating and unable to catch a break and Robby is confused. What did you do? He’s trying to recall his early arguments with Langdon when you shove out of his grasp to continue pacing. ‘Did angel tell you?’ In the moment, Robby had no idea what you had to do with the situation. But he’s putting pieces together because with your muttered words he hears ‘I gave it to him. I prescribed it- it was only 5 mg- I didn’t think he would-‘ and it dawned on him. 

“Hey- hey stop,” Robby grabs you again by your bicep now, forcing you still and to look at him, “tell me what’s happened.” Your lips quiver, tears stained your face and you don’t even know where to start. Relaying every detail- only pausing to catch your breath or cry and you’re ending it with accepting the guilt. 

“I did it. I did it. It was me Robby- it was me!” You ended your recollection of events, you gave your best friend Oxy. You handed him the keys to his demise. God you were that fucking stupid. “He came to me for help and I-“ 

“No- no angel that wasn’t you. Stop,” he’s trying to shake you a bit, getting you to understand and hear him but you’re shoving away at him. Pushing your hands into his solid chest that you used to sleep on- where you would lay awake with him at 2 am and giggle about the day, how a patient got a fish hook stuck in his ass or how Whitaker ate shit sliding in a kid's vomit. Where you would fall asleep to his heartbeat, stroking at the light dusting of chest hair, rolling your eyes at his snoring because ‘I don’t snore angel, I have never snored.’ Where you feel safe- loved- protected from the horrors of the shifts that haunt you. 

“No! No- no Robby I did this-“ smacking at his chest you try to shove him away and loosen from his grip but he’s stronger. He’s always been stronger- has to be for you in this moment because you’re breaking. He’s not used to you breaking. You’re not insensitive- no you feel so deeply that you hurt for days after you lose a patient. You won’t cry in the room, won’t cry at the funerals you’ve asked to attend, won’t let a tear slip at the end of the day when Robby asks how you’re doing. No those are reserved for silently curling up in the shower, where the sound of the water drown out your sob, the water mixing with your salty tears. 

“Stop it!” He shakes you again, “Langdon made his own choices- you didn’t shove the pills down his throat-“ you slap him- hard. The sharp sound bounces off the roof and echoes out into the darkness. You might as well have- you handed it to him. You basically spoon fed them to him. Robby didn’t know what he was talking about- you should’ve been careful, you should have been looking out for Langdon- you should have anticipated and known every single consequence possible. He would mention his pain and you said nothing when you’d see him take a pill or two during his shift- hell you were no stranger to it yourself. But you’re wracking your brain trying to think of all the times you had seen it.

“Get off me-“ you fight- attempting to wrestle yourself free from Robby, slapping his chest, sobbing and want to kick but god- he’s as relentless and stubborn as you were. “No- no-“ you’re crying, telling him no because you don’t deserve compassion, you don’t deserve relief from the guilt. Langdon did. You deserve to be damned and thrown from this roof for your hand in the matter. Robby pulls you closer, wrapping his arms around you and finally- you break. A strangled, wrecked sob releases from the depths of your soul. Collapsing into Robby you crack- your slaps at his chest become weaker, eventually you fist his scrub top and cling to him. One hand soothes you, stroking your head but the other remains tight around your body- keeping you firm against him so you don’t try to escape. Slowly he sinks to the floor, letting you cry into his chest and use him as an anchor so you don’t drift away from him in your ocean of grief. He doesn’t move really- only to kiss your temple or rub your back, doesn’t adjust himself in any way while you sob into him, doesn’t know how much time has really passed but he’s content to sit and stroke your hair and shush your tears. 

“I should go,” you finally say, no silence to break as there’s still the sound of the city, sirens, shouts, music- making it feel alive, “it’s late- you’re tired.” It’s an excuse, you’ve been pathetic in front of Robby for long enough, you don’t want him to think of this moment when he thinks of you- at your worst. But even at your supposed worst, Robby thinks the world of you. Intelligent, witty, sarcastic, funny, gorgeous with bright eyes that melt his heart when you look up at him. He holds you in the highest regard, he regrets every heart break he’s ever made you endure. 

“Let me take you home,” he offers, standing and cupping your cheek so you can look at him and know he means what he says, “or stay the night with me. I don’t want you alone angel.”

“No,” you shake your head, forcing yourself to deny him because you deserve to be alone- to sit and wallow in the darkness of your empty apartment and have a shot or two. People died today, people lost their lives, their families, friend- and you’re monopolizing him for nothing at all other than your guilt “No I’m ok Michael I promise-“

“Please, just- I’ll stay in your couch, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Even when he’s not yours, he cares. When you can’t call him yours, he will always be yours. His thumb brushes your cheek- wiping away the tears he can reach, eyes soft and almost begging you to let him take care of you. So you nod, he’s helping you back over the rail and you take his hand in yours and grab your bags before walking down the stairs and back into the comfort of the dark. It’s a silent walk, Robby doesn’t pull his hand away from yours nor do you pull away from his. He’s a lifeline at this point- walking through the park to your apartment and if you close your eyes you can imagine it’s a Sunday afternoon again, and you both are coming back from breakfast hand in hand- enjoying the breeze and you’re about to meet Jake at the basketball court. But it’s not months ago, it’s not a beautiful Sunday, it’s dark. And Robby isn’t yours anymore. 

You’re still in a bit of a fog- head pounding from your tears and Robby lets go of your hand briefly to unlock your door. Oh, he still had his key. He takes your bag from your shoulder, hanging it in the entry way with his and slowly, he’s ushering your through the small hall and into your bedroom- sitting you at the edge of your bed. Kneeling before you, he kisses your forehead and begins untying your shoes- minding the blood that was drying- you’d have to throw them in the wash tomorrow. Tapping your arms, Robby lifts the hem of your scrub top, lifting it gently to avoid pulling your hair once it was over your arms. He lightly snapped the strap of your sports bra with a small smile- a silent indication that it was the next article to go. “Up” he nodded, making you stand so he could slide off your pants and underwear- your hand on his broad shoulders to steady yourself as he carefully held your ankles one at a time to free them from the pooled fabric. You’ve obviously been naked in front of him before, many times over. But this was distinctly more intimate than when you’d sleep together. You felt even more naked than before, Robby was looking up at you- raw and tormented- soul on display for him to pick apart and yet he never does. He doesn’t judge you at this moment because he has been there many times- when Adamson passed you had been there, helping Robby shower and eat for days after the fact. 

“I’m gonna start the shower ok?” With a kiss to your temple he’s up and in your bathroom, turning the water to the temperature he knows you prefer. ‘Satan’s lair hot’ he would call it when he’d join you for a quick shower- feeling stripped and raw but you relished in the way it soothed your muscles after a long day. Robby returns and takes your hand, guiding you into your bathroom and helping you in the shower. He watches you stand there- letting the water cascade down your face and body, not moving. Sighing, he starts to strip so he can join you. 

“Lean your head back baby,” he coaxes you, turning you so the water glides down your back and he can lather your shampoo into your hair. The scent brings him back- wafting around and choking him, remembering how he would wake up with your hair in his face and how he’d be slightly annoyed at the time, but he would kill to have one more chance to be inconvenienced by it again. He’s at your side, massaging your scalp and keeping you upright while coddling you more than you think he should. Robby is gentle- has always been gentle with you unless you ask him not to. Slowly rubbing the rag along your shoulders, across your skin and dipping down to kneel in front of you to get the blood that had soaked into your shoes and dried uncomfortably between your toes. He moves to turn the water off but you grab his arm, ceasing him momentarily because you just- just need a moment to feel like it’s all ok. Understanding, he pulls you into his chest- turning so the spray of the water is mostly on him and just lets himself hold you. He can pretend it’s months ago and you’re sneaking to join him in the shower to before work- hungrily kissing him, pulling him back into your embrace each time he begrudgingly tries to leave, and you both just sit under the stream for a bit in silence before the stress of the hospital starts. 

“You need sleep angel- come on” with a kiss to your temple he shuts the water off and wraps you in a towel before he does the same, sitting you on the edge of the tub to dry your hair with the specific towel your bought- the one you’d jokingly get after him about and made sure he didn’t use for his hands. Robby dresses himself quickly, digging through your drawers and finding clothes he hadn’t even realized were missing- a t-shirt from his med school that you would wear to bed only- because it still smelled like him and a pair of boxers that he let you borrow to sleep in the first few weeks of your relationship. 

“Which do you want?” He asked, holding out one of your nightdresses and a t-shirt he found. It was Langdon’s, the sole shirt that he had with letters of his frat- before he got kicked out of course. God why did it hurt to see it? You nodded to the dress, grabbing it from Robby’s hands while he dug around for a pair of underwear for you. 

“I’m gonna set myself up on the couch ok?” He didn’t ask to sleep in bed with you- stupidly he thought maybe that was pushing his luck because all he wanted was to hold you in his arms to sleep like before. And you didn’t ask him to- you’ve been pathetic enough today around him. Selfish even. Robby lost patients today, it was the anniversary of Adamson’s death and he was here- taking care of you. But if you asked him- this is where he wanted to be. Needed to be. A distraction from his own personal bullshit, because for all the ache, he’s been neglecting his feelings. And focusing on you gives him a purpose to neglect instead of being emotionally constipated like you had told him he was months ago. Adamson is still gone, Leah is still gone. He can’t change that. But you’re here and your problems won’t go away soon- he can be here for you now. “If you need me, wake me up ok?”

“Okay, thank you-“ meekly you say, crawling up your bed and into the sheets to try and forget about your miserable excuse for being hurt. You attempt a fitful sleep, tossing and turning- unable to breathe without the pain in your chest or to stop thinking for a moment- what signs did you miss? Langdon had always been hyper, always been on the go and ready for the next trauma. Cherry picking for a trauma yes, but- so did you. It wouldn’t stop- your mind didn’t stop. Robby was the only one who could quiet your mind- he could give you temporary relief to the world, clearing the fog around your brain. But- you didn’t need relief, no- you needed a distraction. You needed to not think about the pain for only a second- just a moment of distraction because it will always be constant. You won’t have Langdon at work anymore. You won’t be able to play rock paper scissors when you hear of an incoming trauma anymore. You won’t get to shotgun Red Bulls in the parking lot at 5 am with him anymore. You won’t get to share the lunch Abby packed for him- definitely way too much for just him because she knows you don’t cook. Will you even be able to call him your best friend anymore? Will you go to his house on the weekends to play with the kids anymore? Will Abby call you for dinner on Sundays anymore? Fuck- fuck you fucked up. You fucked up. You’re hyperventilating again- tossing the blankets from your body because you feel hot. Maybe the feeling of the hell you belong in has already begun its process- reminding you that you are to blame, that you should be punished for the role you played. 

You’re out of bed- pacing along your bedroom floor trying to calm your breathing, trying to stop crying because Robby will hear you. The screech of the flatline is in your ears- rattling your nerves, feeling your heart stopping but simultaneously about to beat right into your stomach and out your ass. You feel the bubbling sensation of nausea creep up. Hands shaking and you just need a fucking distraction from it all. You need Robby in the moment more than you need air to breathe. More than you need the blood in your veins because he’s gladly give himself over to you for a bit of respite. 

Robby is no stranger to the feeling of guilt- and he’s had his share of selfish tendencies. Months after Adamson died, Robby would have you in his bed- burying himself deep into your tight core because he needed to feel something more than the failure of his own humanity. You tried to talk- tried to get Robby to open up but the only way he attempted to cope was through physical contact. He closed himself off mentally- shutting the doors to prevent more fucked up feelings from creeping into his mind late at night but you let him use you, you laid back and let Robby cry it your chest with each thrust- kissing his tears away and holding him to your chest when he was sated. He’s awake, lying on your couch that’s slightly too small for him to be comfortable- staring up at the ceiling fan slowly make its rounds. He hears you shuffle from your bedroom- silently padding along the wooden floor, cursing when a creak gives you away. You know he’s awake- he’s not snoring. 

“What’s wrong angel?” he’s immediately sitting up but before he can stand you’re throwing yourself on the floor in front of him, sobbing something awful because it’s too much again. 

“I can’t- I need-“ you try to speak- try to calm yourself to get the right words out but what do you say? That you’re so consumed with your own guilt that you need a distraction- and that distraction can only come from him burying himself so deep inside you that you’re more him than you? He knows. Robby knows what you’re going to ask because he knows you better than himself sometimes. He was in the same spot as you years ago- knelt in front of you, kissing up your legs with tears in his eyes, begging you to take his mind off the world for a second. You had been a savior to him then- an angel who stripped herself of her wings to join him on this damned floating rock and be used in the most sinful way. But- was it sinful if he felt like you were heaven sent? The answer to a prayer he didn’t know he made? The light at the end of a fucking tunnel to guide him to your arms again?

“Please Michael,” you begged in the dark, kneeled on the carpet in front of him as if he were the patron saint of guilt and desperation, forehead pressed into his thigh while you whimpered and let hot tears drip. You lifted your head from its position, staring up at Robby with a face that was stained wet from tears of grief, eyes petitioning him to have mercy on your aching heart. To take your mind away from its mortal coil, to heal your inner despair with his touch on your body so that you can escape reality for a moment. Straightening yourself and trying to catch your breath, you adjusted to kneel between his open legs, arms wrapping around his torso- shoving your face into his chest and again- begging for distraction, “please, I need you. I can’t do this anymore.”

Robby’s heart was torn, stripped raw from the stress of the day already- but now hearing the suffering from your voice, a feeling that rose deep from your soul. No your heart wasn’t broken, that was a laughable analogy for the pain and guilt you felt, because your soul was shattered. For all intents and purposes, Langdon was your soulmate since you were 18. You love Robby. And you would never admit to anyone, not even yourself, that Robby is the love of your life and the worst thing you could have ever let go of, which you will regret for years to come. But Langdon was the other half of you, your soulmate that was bound and tied to your heart for this lifetime and the ones that were to follow. Your atoms were intertwined together, every fiber of your being was tethered with his. The guilt you felt for hurting him, ruining his life, it destroyed you as well. Now, you didn’t want to live without Robby- but you would and could, you have many times over already. But if you were to attempt to live without Frank Langdon in your life for a mere moment? You would likely cease to exist, forget to breathe, beg for death because after your passing, his soul would find yours again for the next reincarnation of your beings together. 

Internally, he couldn’t allow himself to let you use him as a distraction. Not because he was noble or because he thought he deserved better- no, because he had been dreaming to hold you again. Robby laid awake most nights, yearning for your body to be slotted around his, to feel your skin against his and be able to kiss you awake before the sun rose, like he had done so many times before, just so he could make love to you in the quietness of the night- where the sun and moon met like your bodies were, whispering their love in passing while you both did as well. Here you were, knelt between his thighs, begging for him to let you use him as a distraction and he hated every ounce of his being because he would gladly let you use him. He would take a scalpel to his chest and cut out his own heart with a smile if you asked, looking up at him with those eyes that he never quite learned how to say no to. Letting you use him, well he would feel like he was using you. Using your pain and agony tonight as a way to sate himself, weaning himself off his own addiction by a low dose of your body rutting against his.

Robby didn’t say no, he couldn’t tell you no as you unwrapped yourself from his waist and rose up on your knees to rest your head on his shoulder, fisting his shirt in your shaky hand. He was incapable of telling you no as you kissed his neck, softly with trembling lips, god it felt so fucking good to be touched by you like this again. He had chastised himself for looking at you lustfully while he ran the rag across your skin in the shower. He went to bed half hard- cursing himself because you were crying in his arms and a part of his brain was thinking about tasting your skin again- sinking deep into you, wrapping your thighs around his waist and calling it home again.

“Michael,” you whined, “baby, please. Distract me.” Your lips trailed along his neck, the hand that wasn’t balling his shirt along his chest was resting on his thigh to keep you upright, nails digging in ever so slightly. He was a weak, pathetic man. The thin strap of your nightdress had slipped down off your shoulder, the top swell of your breast threatening him, beseeching him to taste. He kept his hands at his side, not daring to let a finger trail across your skin because he wouldn’t be able to stop just there. Rising up again, one knee bracing on the couch to aid you in your assault on his resolve. This time your target was his jaw, lightly nipping at the edge, knowing how his body sings already, your lips and teeth the director. 

“I need you,” a kiss on his cheek. 

“Please,” a kiss on his forehead.

“I can’t anymore,” a kiss on the side of his nose.

“Michael,” a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

Each kiss chiseled away at him, each kiss had Robby teetering on the edge of letting go. What a simple, foolish man he was for a woman who whispered his name so sweetly, that he could never hear it the same again from anyone else. You would peck at his lips, letting him taste the tears that you had shed but he couldn’t kiss you back. He couldn’t forget himself, that you were suffering, yes, but he was not. He was in his right mind- he was levelheaded, right? No- he was not. Robby was suffering as well because the woman he loved was on her knees begging to be put out of her misery- to be fucked and touched- and he was denying her, how fucking selfish he was. He could allow himself one kiss, he could allow himself to aid in your atonement by letting you find comfort in his arms and body. Once more, you begged against his lips. 

“Please baby,” forehead against his, breathing the air he released to get just a taste of him with your hands dragging their way up his body to cradle his face in your palms. You loved Robby. You loved and ached for him daily. But this cycle of despair pained you, cycle of giving your entire being to him but he would only knock out a brick or two of the wall around him for you. You knew he could take whatever guilt and ache you had in this moment, dull it, make you forget that you were the root of all evil in Langdon’s new reality. 

“Please my love,” you didn’t need your stethoscope to hear the strings of Robby’s heart and tenacity snap. “Help me,” you plead against his lips. 

“Okay,” Robby nodded, whispering back into your lips so that maybe your soul could hear that aid was coming, that he was here to fix you, be used by you like you had done for him years ago.

“Okay baby,” he relented, permitting himself to kiss the tears away from your tired eyes, “I have you.” He unshackled his arms from the mental restraints he had, one arm wrapping around your waist to pull you up and into him while the other grabbed your thigh to have you straddling him now, body flush against his. Robby could hear you gasp in relief, hiccuping slightly through the tears and nodding because your savior had arrived. Just like he always had. Throwing your arms around his shoulders you kissed him with fervor- slotting your lips together like many times before. They were no strangers, they have met frequently in the last few years and knew the terrain well together. Your fingers wound themselves through the hair that settled along the nape of his neck, always so soft and the one thing that you knew he couldn’t resist.

For all the love you had for each other, this was a different type of love making. This was desperate, sad, needy, hurried- so that you couldn’t think or have time to think about your better judgment. Robby had pulled the other strap of your nightdress down to reveal your breasts to him while he kissed along your jaw, beard scratching perfectly against your skin that you sighed, finally finding respite in a feeling that wasn’t your own sorrow. Down your neck, Robby licked and sucked, lavishing your skin with a groan added, deep and guttural in your ear that you drew out from canting your hips over his. He missed how your skin tasted, how you sounded when he would circle his tongue around your nipple or use his beard to scratch along your chest. 

“Fuck-“ you sighed, pushing your chest into his face, silently asking him to torture you with his mouth more so you can finally stop thinking, “thank you baby,” Robby was your true love, your savior, taking your pain in his hands and holding it high above your head so you can forget for just a moment. “Thank you.” You repeated, grabbing the hair at the back of his head and forcing him to look up at you with those sad eyes, deep brown, looking at you like if you asked, he’d walk through hell and back to kiss you one last time before leaving you to the eternal ruin you would face there. The arm around your waist pulled you down, trapping your hips and forcing you to grind into him slowly, but hard and rough so you can feel the outline of him through his boxers and your underwear. Groaning, Robby kissed his way back to your lips, licking into your mouth when a moan escaped, while his other hand palmed at your chest, heavy hands and calloused fingers pinching and scratching lightly at your breast and nipples to hear you whine.

“I’m here,” sighing, letting you cling to him while your body trembled in his arms, “use me.” It was a privilege for him, because in his mind, you allowed Robby to be used- a distraction from the pain that another man caused. He wasn’t ignorant, Robby knew he would always come second to Langdon. Years ago it pained him, to lose the woman he loved to another man- almost angered him because how could Frank even understand how truly blessed he was to be loved by you? Langdon never even had the privilege of tasting you- of dipping his tongue into the sweet salvation that was between your legs, truly an act of compassion for Robby on your part to bless him with such an honor. 

“I can’t- fuck, please Michael-” you’re whimpering in his mouth now- desperately grinding into him for some relief- some friction to help you think of something else- anything else because the memories are flooding back and- ‘This is your fucking fault and you know it! Stupid selfish bitch- you sabotaged me for the ED Fellowship didn’t you? What you can’t stand not being Robby’s center of attention- are you jealous he gave me a recommendation?’

Robby felt you bury your face into his neck, crying gently again and whimpering his name- not from pleasure, no- you were clawing at him for solace, biting his neck and pulling at his hair. He couldn’t try to keep it together- you were his debilitating weakness, you could stab him in the chest and Robby would slide himself deeper into the knife just so he could be closer to you. He was losing his control- this was supposed to be about you. Robby’s hand slid its way down your back, dipping into your underwear and after grabbing a handful of your ass, he twisted his hand to ball up the fabric around his wrist once, twice, a final third time when he knew it was taut- and yanked back violently. You heard the tearing of what was your underwear, felt the scratch and pull against your hip but now there’s only Robby’s boxers holding your back from the soothing balm of pleasure. 

Desperately you palm at him, feeling the familiarity of his hard length under your hands and you don’t waste a second pulling him free from his boxers and lining yourself up, the tip notched at your entrance- Robby’s pressing his forehead against yours and is nodding, silently begging you to put him out of this misery as well. 

“Fuck,” you gasp, sinking down onto him so slow, so gentle in contrast to the anguished need of only moments ago. “fuck, I love you Michael.” Robby desired to hear those words again- prayed that he would hear you tell him in earnest that you loved him and that you wanted to try again with him. But for now he can dream. For now he can imagine it’s months ago and you’re in his arms again, reminding him that you love him- and he’ll distract himself with a kiss from your perfect lips that cry for another man. 

You’re crying into the kiss- mumbling that you love him while rising up on your knees to feel him slide thickly between your walls, filling you perfectly with a well acquainted feeling. Repeatedly saying ‘I love you’, grabbing his hand at your hip that’s steadying you to intertwine your fingers with his. The act has Robby gutted, thinking back to how you would do the exact same months and years ago when he’d have you in his bed, finding his hand in the darkness while you sigh and moan his name. But this time, it was for grounding- something to hold onto, the memory of feeling safe in Robby’s arms, loved and cared for. 

Robby starts to feel anger bubbling up inside while you squeeze his hand. Robby’s ire wasn’t directed at you, no- never at you. Langdon had let him down, let the entire team down- but more specifically he let you down and blamed you for his failure and shortcomings. He blamed you for his lack of self control, which was ironic considering that while Robby had lost all sense of self control around you- it was on him alone. Langdon took no responsibility in his actions and his ego was his own ruin. Robby could feel the way your heart was destroyed, guilt eating away at you from Langdon’s words. You didn’t know, you didn’t purposefully hurt your best friend. But how could he make you see that? How could Robby pull you back from the edge of the roof and tell you to blame the one constant person in your life who was always there. Frank was there before Robby, he was there all the times Robby wasn’t- every break up and fight, he was there. He couldn’t expect you to abandon a piece of your soul so easily. 

“I love you, so much angel-“ Robby sighs into your mouth, his own tears starting to fall as the dust of the stress and mental strain of the day begin to settle, “I’m yours, I’m here baby.” He knew your guilt in this moment, he couldn’t save Adamson, he let his mentor down. He couldn’t save Leah. He let Jake down. In all his glory and years of a healer he felt he had nothing to show for it because when it mattered- he faltered. He heard the incessant beep of the flatline in his ears, felt his heart racing against his chest as you hopelessly move in his lap with a relieved sigh as he exchanged his reassurance with you- that he loved you more than you understand. 

Reluctantly he let go of your hand and flattened his arm on your back, tightening the grip his other hand had on your thigh, Robby turns to gently lay you flat on the couch. The hand on your thigh slides up to your knee, wrapping your leg around his waist so he can drive himself deeper inside your tight solace. The angle has you gasping, running your hand up under his shirt so you can drag your nails down his back. His necklace was dangling in your face, the shine from the metal really the only thing you can see in the darkness. Who was really using who at this point was unknown, you and Robby cried together, hearts bloodied and open for each other to mend. His hand came back to find yours, lifting to rest above your head while locking your fingers together. His pace didn’t falter, it was slow and deliberate- feeling each needy, desperate thrust of his hips into your own so that maybe you both could lay aside your combined grief and heal together, if only for tonight. You feel a familiar crescendo in the pit of your gut, a pull that only Robby was able to elicit from you- as if he studied your own body in those dreaded years of med school just in preparation for this moment. 

“Close,” you whimpered, grabbing at the hair at the back of his neck and pulling him closer- foreheads together in combined effort and concentration. “S-so close baby.” You didn’t have to warn him, Robby knew, being so in tune with your body already- the signs were obvious to him. The way the pitch of your voice lifted slightly, how your breathing stuttered, the grip on his hair tightening, your thighs squeezing around his waist, the tightness of your walls around him- Robby knew each and every tell of your impending orgasm. He wasn’t far off- forcing himself to slow down so you can forget everything for more than a moment. But that was a slight lie- Robby forced himself to slow his devastating pace so he can stay inside your heat, if only for mere seconds longer because he never knows when the last time will actually be the last time. He makes this mistake routinely- breaking your heart and letting you run from his emotional crudity. His greatest regret is cheating you into coming back to him over and over again , being so fucking selfish that he can never truly let you go. So he will force himself to slow down in this moment- pretending you’re his again. 

Your orgasm felt like drowning in Robby- the sound of your heartbeats combined in your head, the smell of his cologne hazing around in your mind, the feel of his fingers digging into your thigh, chill of his necklace on your chest, the squeeze of his hand in yours, the thick fullness of him inside you, his tears falling softly on your cheeks, the sounds of his hips roughly slapping against you, the sweat beading on his forehead that was pressed against your own- his voice wafting around in your chest to suffocate your heart with ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m yours’. You were silent as you came, tears streaming down the side of your face- feeling Robby’s pace stutter for a few more thrusts then groaning, deep and guttural as he followed your peak together. Mixed breathing and small gasps, catching your breath together with one final kiss before he reluctantly attempts to pull out of you.

“No,” you tense your thighs around him faintly, “don’t- not yet. Please.” You still had to feel something- still needed a reason to not spiral in the depths of your own guilt, a reason to stay grounded to now instead of circling the drain with what was left of your sanity. He didn’t think you were able to tug at his heart even more, but looking down at you, bathed in moonlight with tears glistening and begging him to not leave you in any form- what was left of him died and was reborn into something akin to devotion, ready to give up what was left of him to spend eternity worshiping at your feet. So he nodded, kissing the tears away from your cheeks- not realizing they were mixed with his. Slowly you ran your fingers through his hair, nails scratching lightly- remembering how much he loved the feeling and would melt into your body. Turning you both gently, Robby laid on his side and immediately you draped yourself over him as much as possible, never fully leaving the comfort of your warmth. Fingers lightly skimming over your skin, no rhythm to follow, just caressing you gently like he would many times over. 

“Thank you,” you whispered into his neck, “thank you Michael.” Different than how you said it earlier, you were thanking him for loving you. Thanking him for having mercy on your damned broken soul. Thanking him for coming to your rescue all over and being your home when Langdon could not be. 

“Always.” Robby kissed your temple, feeling you settle against him finally, sagging into his body and letting out a shaky sigh. You didn’t know what you would have to face tomorrow, you didn’t want to think about Langdon or Abby or the kids, right now your just wanted to sleep here in Robby’s arms like you have done so many times before. Robby was your safe haven, an asylum that shielded your vulnerable heart as you slept. You knew your thoughts would be quiet with him, his presence alone was the guardian of your wretched mind- a protector that asked for nothing in return, besides your love, which was so easy to give to him- you have many times before, though you’re really not sure you stopped. No- each time you claimed to stop loving him, you only came back so much more stronger with so much more love to proffer. He didn’t take, no- Robby stored the love you gave him, hoarding it deep inside his body to strengthen himself up to knock down the wall he spent years building brick by lonely brick. Each time a little more of himself was available to you- each time the love and devotion was more ardent than the last. Maybe this time it’s secured- this time it’s going to last. 

You were his angel, his peace and bliss- light at the end of the fucking tunnel and all that bullshit he spent years looking for and reading about but didn’t quite believe until he met you. He believed it. But- were you truly the angel they said you were? Robby and Langdon? For even the devil was once God’s most precious angel. The fall was so far up from the pedestal they put you on, and at this moment all you felt was the wind rushing against your body. You guess you’ll have to brace yourself for the impact of reality sooner or later. 

[hbheavensent]

Mammon/Leviathan

Ugh my favorite toxic situationship, let's rock and roll-

OH AND LIGHT TW FOR CANNIBALISM FOR LEVIS BACKGROUND

Let's start with Mammon, being that he's my favorite cannon!sin and that I didn't change much with his design. Really I just wanted to see him in more outfits/makeup so I just played around with that idea. Leaned into the rich guy circa 1600s, somewhat inspired by the fat officials from Demon Souls but only loosely. Really I think his designs works really well already but I am bias. In terms of his personality, I'm changing the fact that he's portrayed as stupid- it doesn't make sense to me that the guy handling all of the money is dumb as a box of rocks. So I made him generally very smart, just easily distracted and silly.

He is also another subject of me exploring how each sin handled falling from grace, Mammon in particular went full fledged head in the sand. He could never handle the fact that he could never have Heaven again, could never have his old body, the vast wealth of knowledge that Heaven had him be in charge of. Back in Heaven I've pulled from a couple sources and also written my own stuff in but in THIS version he was a Principality Angel in charge of the Celestial Treasury of Heaven. A celestial vault containing not just material wealth but also knowledge, wisdom, and spiritual riches, which he could bestow upon those deemed worthy, though often doesn't. Mammon was Angel of Prosperity before falling shortly after Beelzebub. He professes that there's no reason to talk about Heaven and fully leaned into his sin immediately because processing anything is way too much for him.

Mammon, aside from Levi and Lucifer, has the hardest time maintaining relationships with anyone including the other sins. So he's wildly lonely, which is hard to talk about without bringing up Sariel (a character I've written in) but we'll get there later.

However there is one person who puts up with Mammon on the regular...

Leviathan went through a lot of changes, while I like the conjoined twin look something about the way it was animated felt... off. Levi struck me as uninteresting compared to the rest of the sins. A lot of what I did was just smash the two halves of Levi together, give her some bangles and jewelry, and make her a sick ass fish form. About that fish form, there's a slight glow behind the inside head which is actually from her sister's broken halo! Let's get into that. So I'm using the interpretation that The Crusaders Academy uses because it's metal as all hell and I can't find any other interpretation where Leviathan has twin specifically (makes me wonder if Viv saw the same wiki page? I dunno. It's a neat wiki but I have no idea where it came from.) The way I'm writing it is that the Levithan we know used to be a run of the mill Angel along with their twin sister Ziz who served under Uriel. Uriel was an Archangel who presided over wisdom and the Archangel who took over the Treasury of Heaven after Mammon's fall. Both Levi and Ziz were close with Mammon, though Ziz was much more friendly and a touch ditzy which made her endearing. Very likable, where Leviathan sort of fumbled every interaction. After sin was created by The Apple Incident, Levi found herself drifting more and more from social interactions with anyone as they filled her with unending jealousy. She was friends with all of the sins before they fell but only by account of being friends with Mammon, by the fact that she was there but no one really knew her.

As people fell and titles were gained across Heaven and Hell, Levi and Ziz took up their jobs as sort of secretaries under Uriel. Uriel took a shine to Ziz's creative spark and really became close with her while Levi was struggling internally with her sin. Eventually it came to a head, and by a technicality, Angel's mouths are not considered holy weapons. Leviathan ate her sister alive, by some merit Ziz is alive still. Her halo was taken by Raguel only after Sariel, Sera, and Uriel walked in on the gory scene. A part of Leviathan's punishment is to have half of her face and body be reminiscent of her sister for all of eternity. That artistic spark and sense of fashion is all Ziz, Leviathan just stole it.

While being one of the lowest classes of Angels in Heaven, Leviathan is the only sin to technically still have a halo.. even if it's not outward. It burns sometimes in Levi's throat I imagine. Levi is incapable of having healthy relationships, while Mammon struggles he could be worked around in order to maintain healthy distance with someone. However, his relationship with Levi is anything but healthy. Levi is temperamental, always assuming the worst, the definition of "you KNOW other women???". Levi is also the type of person to hold back any grievances in order to appear socially acceptable and then blow up at someone for not being a mind reader. Mammon has to walk on glass around her, which is notably hard for him. They fight a lot but Mammon keeps coming back. Partially because he can't let anything go, but also partially because he understands your sin ruining your ability to maintain any social aspects of your life. Who else is going to put up with her if not him? Who would put up with him if not her or the people he literally PAYS to stick around? And the part he wont acknowledge, having Levi is almost like having Ziz again. Almost. Levi on the other hand, absolutely knows why Mammon sticks around. She finds comfort in the fact that he is a social disaster, in turn making her look better. She knows he'll always come back. It's a constant that she really needs to keep around. If he wants to pretend he still has her sister, then he sure can do that. She'll just yell at him when it gets to be too much later.

Anyway I love her, she's so fucked up. I have more thoughts really but this is a LONG ASS POST-

[petertingle-yipyip]

STRANGER (ii) - KAZ BREKKER

tags: @beekeepingageissome @shadowzena43 @nikfigueiredo @mp-littlebit // previously // next // i hope i didn’t miss anyone for tags! //

Pairing: kaz x davina rollins (enemies to lovers)

Word Count: 6,271

Summary: Nothing is simple in Ketterdam. Davina learns a hard lesson when trying to expand her snakes. Bloodied with a bruised ego, she think she finds help in an unlikely ally, only to have to run. Again.

The next few months were uneventful. You continued your usual pattern of withdrawals and reconnaissance. You watched Kaz and the Dregs, even visited Nina Zenik a few more times to make a better acquaintance with her. You had no plans for her specifically in your overall schemes, but having her vote of confidence may prove useful for your potential alliance. Plus, it didn’t hurt to befriend a Heartrender.

But she always asked the same thing. “Your boss hasn’t claimed her little ring yet, has she?”

And your answer was always the same. “No. It’s not the right time, I suppose.”

And it wasn’t. Your gang, while managing decently filled coffers, was minuscule. You were a small, yet arguably skilled group. And it wasn’t just Kaz Brekker you had to convince. Even though he was the harder of the two to persuade, you’d need enough of a footing to convince Per Haskell. Unless a time came when Kaz took full control, he was technically Haskell’s lieutenant, and the old bastard could veto any deal you made with Dirtyhands.

“We need to start venturing out.” You told your lieutenant. You were seated in your office, spinning the tip of your blade against your desk. You had done it so much you had worn a little divot in the wood. “We need to start doing jobs or running cons.”

“Word is there’s a gambling hall near the Crow Club that’s struggling.” Melli offered up eagerly. “It’s a solid location.”

“Then why is it struggling?”

“Advertisement?”

“Melli.” You let your blade fall to the wood top and stared your lieutenant in the eyes.

“I think the Dreg presence keeps them from really capitalizing.” She answered, tugging at her sleeve.

“And you think adding snake presence will do anything towards pacifying Brekker and his Crows? They don’t trust me or any of us, and if Brekker finds out who I really am, he’ll burn down any business attached to us. Whether or not that is before he drags me, kicking and screaming and bleeding, to my father’s feet, I couldn’t tell you.”

“He won’t.” She tried but you simply raised a brow. “You’re careful, Davina. If he hasn’t figured it out by now, after he took you captive, he won’t find out unless you let

him.”

You tapped your finger against your desk in thought. You stared at your discarded knife and wondered if it was worth the risk, especially after your last encounter with him. The hits to your ribs had broken two and left your lungs bruised. Getting them healed was a pain and if you thought hard enough, you could still feel that pain in your chest.

Out the corner of your eye, you saw Melli fidgeting with her sleeve again and you redirected focus to her idea, though you made a mental note to talk to her about that tell. If you left Melli to run the hall, it could maintain your anonymity while also bringing in funds outside of your father’s unintentional donations. It could also be an opportunity to get in good with Haskell.

“Go see what the owner might sell for…” You waved her off, trying to ignore her giddy smile. “If it’s not an arm and a leg or my eternal soul, I will consider it.”

“Yes!” She celebrated.

“But.” You said firmly and her giddy movements halted. “It’ll be your passion project, meaning you will be responsible for any and all failures or success, and you’ll be compensated accordingly from the profits. And if we take it, I intend to use it as a foot in the door with the Dregs.”

At that, her mouth fell open.

“I can offer Haskell a small percentage of our profit to allow us to operate within his boundaries.”

“That’ll make us look weak!”

“We’ll look approachable.” You countered.

“We don’t need Dreg approval.”

“We’ll need Haskell’s good graces if we want to get Kaz.”

“We don’t want Brekker. You do.”

“You’re right.” You nodded. “And while I respect your opinion as my lieutenant, I’m not debating this with you. Dime Lions won’t hesitate if they get a chance to wipe us out, neither will the Razor Gulls. Especially if either of them figure me out. You want the gambling hall?” You made a platform with your fingers as your elbows came to your desk. You rested your chin on said platform. “You have my terms, Melli.”

She opened her mouth, likely to argue, but thought better of it. Instead, she nodded with a heavy, defeated sigh and stomped out the door. You dropped back into your chair and rubbed your tired eyes.

If you had known how tiring it was to run a gang, plot revenge, and seek alliance from your father’s sworn enemy, you may have thought twice.

You decided you wanted something stronger than the poor quality coffee Melli kept warm in the main room. You tossed your cloak over your shoulders, fastened it at the base of your throat, and slipped out your window. You slid down the peak of the roof from the building practically leaning against yours and caught yourself on the usual broken guardrail at the edge. It hung off into a sliver of an alleyway and the small space became a small altar to Sankta Alina.

You were always careful not to disturb it when you made your landing. Once, you even drew your own sun on the wall around it.

You pulled your hood up and blended into the streets. You were lucky to set up business in a building that was near the edge of the Barrel. It was out of your father’s reach and that was what was most important. But in the nights you needed the comfort of bustling nightlife and drinks, you wished you had found something a few blocks closer.

At the end of the night, you were safe when you slept. You were warm every night. You were fed, not always well but you and your snakes never went without necessities. It was all you could ask for to start with, yet did nothing to quell the need for more.

You didn’t end up at any clubs or bars. Instead, you ended up walking the canals until you reached the one spot that you hated, yet always found a way back to. There was a small space where you could see Reaper’s Barge. It was far enough that you couldn’t make out any specific bodies, if there were any, and you couldn’t smell the rot or decomposition. It was just the salty tang the ocean always left in the air and the ever present mist hovering. You used to wonder if the Council of Tides had put that mist there, but you came to be thankful for it. It seemed to keep the worst of the dread away.

“When they said the monsters were in the shadows, it was supposed to be a story.” You threw over your shoulder after you felt the stare at your back. “You weren’t supposed to take it literally.”

“There’s enough truth in every story. Besides, I am the nightmare.” He answered. 

“So I’ve heard…” You nodded. “Some say you’ve got bones for hands, the flesh rotted away by all your misdeeds. Others that you don’t have hands at all but are just cursed with phantom fingers. I’ve also heard you have claws, so which story has your truth?”

“All of them. Or none of them. You can pick, really.”

You were surprised to find he seemed relatively docile and it made you wonder how long it would take for you to say something that provoked him. And part of you wanted to try.

He came and stood by your side.

“Are you here to slice me open again?” You joked and turned your head. He stared ahead and you stuck your arm out, exposing your bare forearm. “Go on then.”

He glanced down then and pushed your arm away with a sound that almost resembled a chuckle. Then his eyes found your face, tracing the length of scar from his cane. It burned with the memory and you almost felt the stream of blood down your face again.

“I think it adds a certain charm. Don’t you?” You tried another joke and he shook his head, looking away. You frowned to yourself and looked back to the water. “Why are you lurking in the shadows anyway?”

“Midnight stroll.” He answered calmly.

“With a leg like that? I don’t think so.” You scoffed. “Is it even midnight?”

As if on cue, the bells began to ring.

“Oh, Saints.” You muttered.

“Let that be a lesson.” He commented and you turned towards him. “I’m almost never wrong.”

“Almost? So it is possible.”

“Nothing is impossible.” He shrugged. “Improbable, yes, but not impossible.”

“The Wraith told me pride would be my downfall, yet here you stand.”

“As I’ve mentioned, Dear, I’ve already died.”

You nodded slightly and looked back to the water nearer the Barge. When you went there, your thoughts always strayed to Jordie. You wondered how long he had been in the water, if there was anything left of him. You wondered if Kaz had been in the water or did someone have to pry him off his brother’s body, screaming for the only family he had? You always shuddered at the thoughts.

“How is Davina?” Kaz asked suddenly.

Your eyes moved, head staying forward. You saw he was leaning his elbows on the railing. His leather clad hands were fidgeting with the cuff of his shirt beneath his coat, and the moonlight bounced off the silver crow-topped cane at his side.

“She worries.” You confessed. You had missed Kaz so dearly, so you were taking the small opportunity he had given you to just talk. “She’s not sure we’ll have enough to offer when she needs to make the deal. That’s part of why she doesn’t come out often.”

“Why she sends you, Melli?”

Your comfort was yanked away at his words and your hand began to creep towards the blade inside your collar. You were a fool to think there was anything other than malice in his intent. “What?”

“Yes.” He turned towards you and you took an instinctive step back. “You see, after our last run-in, I looked into the little clutch she’s built. Fortunately for her, not many know her roster, but her lieutenant’s name has a few whispers.”

You felt a swell of panic. If Melli’s name was known, how long did you have until yours was tied to your face? Was the gambling hall a ruse to lure Melli, thinking you would show, for capture? What would happen to Melli?

“I am not Melli.” You said firmly, maintaining eye contact even though you wanted to bolt to the gambling hall.

“Are you telling me-“ He lifted that cursed cane and you pulled the blade from the sheath. “-that my sources are wrong?”

“Not quite.” Another step back. “There is a snake named Melli and Davina trusts her, but I am not Melli.”

“Then who are you?”

“You're Kaz Brekker, aren’t you? Figure it out.”

In a swift movement, the blunt end of his cane slid under the fabric of your cloak, where the clasps met, and he pulled you forward. You stumbled slightly and his free hand grabbed your face, leather-clad fingers digging into your cheeks. You could’ve sworn you had felt the sharpness of the fabled talons he hid, but you knew it was your imagination.

Kaz was human. You knew that, but he was also dangerous.

“If you value your hand, I suggest you let go.” You threatened but with his grip your words were mumbled.

He just raised a brow and pushed you to step back. Your empty hand grabbed his forearm desperately as he bent you backwards over the railing. You felt yourself lifting off the ground, toes of your boots scraping the ground and you scrabbled for purchase.

You could feel the dull end of the cane pressing on the underside of your chin. You gripped his arm tighter and you saw a change in expression. His jaw tensed, the grip on your face faltered, his entire body seemed to go rigged. In that hesitation, you acted.

You found the upside down crow’s head and slammed your foot down on the beak. You felt it slide away before it clattered to the ground. You slashed your knife in a careless move, seeing it skate along the front of his hip. He winced slightly but you let go of his arm, holding to the railing instead. You put the knife’s handle between your teeth and braced the other hand against his chest.

You shoved as hard as you could and he stumbled back. You tumbled over the railing, slamming your side into it as it spun your arm in your socket. You glanced down and the darkness made the water seem hauntingly endless. You turned back to climb up and you saw the silver arc. You yelped and had to switch hands in a hurry, the impact of the crow’s head vibrating through the railing. You thought to yell at him for trying to break your fingers but he swung the cane again. In a panic, you simply let go and fell into the waters.

You were dripping wet when you got home. Your cloak was sticking to your chest, hood heavy against your forehead. Your knife was lost to the waters and your teeth were chattering, loose hairs sticking to your face.

“Send Melli to my office when she returns.” You told one of the snakes in the common room as you stomped away, leaving squishing sounds and wet footprints in your wake.

Almost immediately after you slammed the door, a light knock sounded before it opened. You turned and saw Melli.

“You’re unharmed?” You asked. You were worried but your voice was level. The cold waters had seeped the heat of your anger and worry away.

“Yes.” She nodded and you could see her trying to hide the smile. “The owner’s willing to sell, but he isn’t the majority owner. He says that’s why it doesn’t seem as profitable lately. Once ownership changed, he stopped advertising or putting in much effort other than paying the bills and bringing in enough for his family!”

“Fine. How much does he want?”

“5,000.”

You blew out a sigh and unclasped your cloak, draping the fabric over your desk with a wet thump. “I supposed it’s fair if he doesn’t own it all. What can you put in?”

“What?” Her smile fell.

“You wanted it. You’ll run in. You need to put in. I’ll cover some and the snakes’ coffers will do the rest. So what can you put in?”

“Um.” She tugged her sleeve and you glared at the nervous movement of her hand. “Maybe… 1200?”

“Good. I can give 1800, and then the other two wi-“

“If you put in more than me, doesn’t that undermine what I put in?”

“First.” You held up a hand. “Don’t cut me off, Melli. I’ve had a horrid night, if you couldn’t tell, so I’m in no mood.”

She closed her mouth tightly and nodded.

“Second, it’s not about you or me putting in more. It’s about lessening the strain on our gang’s funds. We’ll meet tomorrow night with him. Now, who’s the majority owner?”

“You won’t like it.” She sighed.

“Who, Haskell? Because I swear if I have to deal with Brekker again so soon.”

“You saw Dirtyhands?” She quirked a brow. “I suppose that explains why you look like a wet cat.”

“Yes, and he is continuing the infuriating habit of making my life difficult. He nearly broke my fingers before throwing me into the canals. And he thinks I’m you.”

“What?” She laughed.

“He found out your name as my lieutenant and he thinks my hooded charade is you, which means you need to be more careful for a while with your name. Understood?”

“Of course.” She began fiddling with her sleeve. “Do you still want an alliance?”

“I want to watch my father suffer.” You said plainly, leaning your palms flat against your desk. “I want to take from him the same he took from me as a child, and if it takes wooing Kaz Brekker - who wants the same thing, mind you - into some sort of partnership, so be it. Now for Gods’ sakes, Melli, quit picking at your cursed sleeve and be a lieutenant! Who’s the majority owner?”

Her hands folded behind her back and she righted her posture. She drew her shoulders back and lifted her chin.

“Pekka Rollins.”

“Truly?” You smiled and she nodded. “Well, maybe this is a good idea after all.”

The next night, you dressed for the first public appearance of Davina Rollins since her disappearance. You left your hair loose and left your cloak. Instead, you wore a fitted vest, similar to a corset but with thicker straps and less restriction of your breathing. It was another Grisha made item but this one had been far cheaper than your cloak. You had gotten it from a Fabrikator at port who had deserted the Second Army so she was willing to give it away for practically nothing. It had several knife sheaths and was damn near impenetrable.

You wore it over a dark blue long sleeved button up, tucked neatly into your pants, with two knives tucked into their homes. You wore your usual boots and added a pair of black leather gloves. The accessory made you think of Kaz and you found yourself wondering why he had added the gloves. Was it simply for mystery or something more?

You shook the thought away and reached for the last thing you needed. A dark piece of fabric that you had cut and sewn into a makeshift mask. It would cover the lower half of your face and loop over your ears before you pinned it into your hair. The hooded cloak could hide most of what you did, but you needed a statement with a true appearance.

Well, as true as you could risk.

Your deal with the man was easy enough. Paperwork for the sale would be submitted in the morning and you had him send word to your father that he was selling and the new owner wouldn’t pay him anything. You also had him add that you would be at his doorstep at midnight. Melli tried to talk you out of it, but your own spite drove you to it.

“You should meet in neutral territory. Is that what that square is for?” She reasoned and gestured towards the area most deals between gangs were made.

“I don’t know enough about the way it works there.” You shook your head. “Besides, it’s too open. Stadwatch can be bought, people can turn. I won’t risk it.”

“It’s riskier doing this!”

“Well, I’m sure dear old Dad will be too shocked to try to kill me.”

“Davina.”

“Go home, Melli. You know your tasks if I don’t return.”

“Abandon the revenge against Rollins. Forget allying with the Dregs. Make our own name.” She listed with a nod to punctuate each command. “I still don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to. The deal is the deal.”

You were ushered into your father’s office quickly. Two large Dime Lions stood post and your father kept seated at his desk. You crossed your arms and your fingers grazed the handle of the blades. You were glad to know they were easy to reach.

“What business?” He finally spoke.

Hearing his voice sent a chill through you. He sounded the same, yet completely foreign. He had no warmth towards you, no yearning or longing. He wasn’t your father. Just the Barrel Boss, head of the Dime Lions, Pekka Rollins.

“Is that how you speak to your daughter?” You tried and raised a brow. “The power you claim to have has made you cruel.”

“Am I to believe you’re Davina?” He laughed. “My daughter wouldn’t hide. She’d face me as she is.”

“I wouldn’t hide?” You cocked your head. “Papa, I’ve been hiding for years. Who do you think has been building the snakes that have been making neat little dens all across your precious Ketterdam?”

You thought about taunting with the account, but if you lost those funds, your gang might drown unless the gambling hall proves fruitful.

“Snakes.” He spat. “Vile little creatures.”

“Maybe we’re more alike than I wanted to believe.”

A Dime Lion kicked at the back of your knee and you fell. Your father came around his desk and knelt in front of you, jerking your head towards him by your chin.

He stared into your eyes, scanned your face, looked at your hair. He was looking for some resemblance and you hadn’t realized how much you had changed until then. Yes, you had changed your hair, but also the set of your shoulders had changed. You didn’t cower from eye contact. Your voice matured. You held your head higher. Your round, childish cheeks had sharpened.

Even under your mask, after staring enough, he recognized you.

“I thought you were dead, Davi.” He said softly. “Where were you?”

“I tumbled with the Reaper.” You smiled beneath your mask. “I knew my time was coming when I left. I could either die at twelve or at ninety three. You’d be surprised how many thought I was so pretty, they bought a room.”

His mouth opened for a response but you spoke again.

“Yes, my tongue’s grown quite sharp with spite in my time away. I sold off my pride, figured it was easier to focus on that price you put on my head. Ego never pays so I found men who would.”

“You went into the Pleasure Houses?” He sounded disgusted.

“There was no one I wouldn’t fight to get what I wanted. Can’t you see? Worthless parents make stupid kids. Your conscience never compromised, not even when it killed the only two friends I had growing up. Looks like the apple didn’t stray very far.”

“You aren’t my daughter.” He shook his head. 

“I am Davina Rollins.” You said firmly. A hard right hook that you didn’t expect hit your jaw.

“I am the only daughter of Pekka Rollins.” A left hook that made your head jerk.

“I am the leader of the snakes.” You saw the next hit coming so you leaned away. “And I will not cower from you.”

You could taste the blood in your mouth while you got back to your feet. You made a show of dusting off your pants before you ran your tongue over your bloodied teeth. You turned your head, pulled your mask down, and spat on the floor, scanning the room to see it was still the two thugs at the door before replacing your cover.

Them plus your father. You might be able to do it. You had two blades but no pistol. Disarming one of the three was a possibility.

“That how you greet your children now?” You commented and adjusted your shirt sleeves. “I feel bad for the boy.”

“Do not speak of my son!” He shouted. “You abandoned your family!”

“Maybe.” You nodded. “And I miss my mother dearly, but that was all I left behind in that house.”

“Watch how you speak to me, Daughter. You may bear my name but you gave up your place here.”

“No, you never intended a place for me here. I was part of your schemes, always, but your empire was never going to be mine… You think I didn’t hear your whispered conversations with Mama? Maybe that’s part of why I decided to build my own. Not why I left, of course, but I’m sure we’ll get to that.”

“Why are you here?” He sighed, rubbing his eyes.

“I came to face you.” You explained, putting your arms out to either side dramatically. “As I am, of course. I’m taking possession of that neat little gambling hall a few blocks from the Crow Club.”

“That pisspot?” He laughed. “It brings in pocket change, Davi.”

“First, stop calling me that. You have no right.” You said firmly and you saw one of the men make a move toward you. Your head snapped in their direction. “If you like the bones of your leg intact, do not kick me again.”

He hesitated but stepped back so you faced your father.

“Second, if it’s so poorly, you should be glad I’m taking it off your hands.”

“I keep it as a thorn in Per Haskell’s side.” He explained, waving his hand through the air. “A reminder that I am everywhere.”

“Save me your dramatics, please.” You rolled your eyes. “The paperwork will be submitted and you, dear Dad, will not be involved in my new project.”

“Why do you want it so bad?”

“Profit.” You shrugged. “Isn’t that what it’s all about in Ketterdam? In Ghezen’s name and such.”

A faint explosion sounded from outside and you wondered what gang was riled up now.

“That place won’t feed your snakes.” He shook his head.

“I didn’t come for advice.”

“And yet clearly you need it, Little One. How about this? You bring your snakes and come here. We will welcome them with open arms and I can teach you how to truly become what you wish.”

“No.” You said flatly. “My snakes are mine and mine alone. I’d rather die than ever consider your help.”

“You’re a child.” He laughed, the condescension heavy in his words. “You won’t best me.”

A shadow passed by the office window and you could’ve sworn you had seen a glint of silver.

“Like calls to like. I’m sure I’ll make allies.” You answered.

You heard a pistol draw behind you.

“Tell your man to stand down.” You warned and your hand inched towards your blade.

A second pistol.

“You should’ve called to meet in neutral territory, Davi.” He sighed, then signaled to the men behind you. “It was nice to see you, one last time.”

You felt the hand on your arm and you reacted. You freed your knife and slashed, cutting a deep line across the man’s face. You whirled and saw the pistol raising. You gasped and dropped to the floor, the bullet landing somewhere in the wall. You reached forward and grabbed the man’s pant leg, yanking it towards you till he fell to his back and the gun fell away.

You sprung for it but the heavy foot of the other pinned your hand down. You cried out and you felt the squish of your flesh against the ground. Your other hand guided your knife along the back of his ankle, slicing through the tendon, and the man’s leg gave out. You rolled away and clutched your hand to your chest.

With heavy breaths, you jumped up and held firmly to your knife, the other hand still pulsing from the pain.

Another explosion, this one close enough to rock the building. You glanced towards the window but you saw your father pointing a gun at you.

“Oh Saints.” You complained, missing the safety of your cloak. “All this trouble just to kill me, Papa?”

“It’s not personal, Davi.” He almost looked regretful.

“Feels personal.”

You threw the knife in your hand before he fired. The blade buried itself to the hilt in his shoulder and it made his arm jerk, his shot going off course and he fell into his chair. The bullet burrowed into your own shoulder - of course it managed to miss the protection - and you couldn’t help but cry out. The force of the bullet made your arm jerk back and you stumbled towards the wall behind you. You slammed your hand against the wound as the pain shot down your arm.

You took in the scene ahead of you and quickly plotted a way out. There was only one Dime Lion standing, still armed. The fallen one had dropped his gun, as did your father. You could see he was torn between helping your father and going after you. You, however, needed to get out. You figured the gunshots would’ve called more Lions on the other side of the door, and the office was too high for you to take the window, so you needed a pistol of your own. You took a deep breath, clenched your jaw, and dove for the closest gun.

As soon as your wounded shoulder hit the ground, you winced sharply but refused to let it stop you. You held the pistol tightly, ignoring the way it felt slick in your bloodied hand, and dared a glance at your father. His Dime Lion had decided to help him instead of pursue you so you ran.

You burst through the door and found a surprisingly empty hallway. You didn’t hesitate, barreling down and taking the stairs two at a time. Every step sent a jolt through your arm and you cursed your father’s name each time. When you made it to the ground floor, that’s where you found the rest of his gang.

They were shooting at something in the streets but a few saw you come into the room. They pointed and opened their mouths, but your bullets came faster than their voices. You shot at their chests, bullets piercing lungs and hearts, before you ditched the gun and climbed through a nearby window. It took you into an alley and you crept along the building till you reached the street.

Habitually, you reached for your hood but found nothing. You sighed and ran a hand over your face, smearing the still wet blood along with the sweat on your forehead. The cold feeling of the leather was a stark contrast to your burning skin and the searing pain, so different you flinched away from it, but it also reminded you of Kaz. You groaned slightly and wiped your sleeve across your eyes instead.

You shook the thought and peered out into the streets. Your meeting had gone completely array and with the fire fight and explosions in the street, you needed a new way home. You took a few steps out and looked deeper into the night, trying to figure out what they were shooting at. You saw nothing, not even return fire. Curious, you dared another couple steps.

“Hey!” Someone yelled. “It’s Davina!”

“Get her!”

“Don’t kill her! The boss wants her alive!”

No he doesn’t.

You turned and ran. The pumping of your arms caused more blood to seep from your shoulder and you tried to ignore the pain. You looked over your shoulder just once and saw three of the Dime Lions in pursuit. They were smaller than the build your father usually employed, but you assumed it made them better for chases like the one you were currently involved in.

You knew you couldn’t go straight home. You’d lead them right to your snakes. There was a smaller place closer, a safe house that you had commandeered from the Razor Gulls before you had your current building. It wasn’t much but it was safe enough, with what you’d need to clean and bandage your shoulder.

You made a mental note to put out word you were looking to employ a Healer.

As you were running, a hand grasped your wrist and pulled you into an alley. You screamed but their other hand covered your mouth as you were pinned to the wall. Their body was pressed lightly against yours, your back flat against the wall, while they watched the streets instead of looking at you.

Your eyes were wide until you recognized who it was.

Kaz.

You sighed deeply in a strange sense of relief. Kaz was in no way your ally but at least he was familiar and unlikely to kill you in the alley. You two stayed huddled in the alley until the Lions ran by, shouting about which direction you went.

When you could no longer hear their footfalls, he backed away.

“You’re bleeding.” He said with a frown.

“I’m aware.” You said through heavy breaths. “Hurts like hell too, in case you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t.”

You rolled your eyes slightly. “Why are you here, anyways?”

“Are you really questioning me when I just saved you?”

“Yes, because you don’t just appear when someone needs saving, Kaz.”

“I heard you were meeting with your father. I wanted to see if it was true.” He said with a small shrug, as if you should’ve known.

“And do you believe it?” You asked.

He stared at you in study for a minute. His eyes seemed to take the same path your father’s did. Your eyes, your nose, your face shape, your hairline. He looked you up and down before the ghost of a smile graced his lips and he gave you a small nod.

“Hello, Davina.” He finally answered and you smiled behind your mask.

“Hello, Kaz.” You replied, relief plain in your voice. “It’s good to finally talk.”

“We should get you to a Healer.” His tone changed and you saw a shift in his body language as well. Tension, control, like elastic ready to snap. Your brows furrowed and suddenly felt no relief in his sudden appearance.

And he hadn’t answered what he was doing there.

“No.” You said carefully. “I don’t want to go to Nina Zenik.”

“I didn’t say Zenik.”

“You didn’t have to. Why are you here?”

“I’ll explain later, but you won’t hear any of it if you decide

to bleed out in an alley.” He snapped.

“You’ll explain now.” You pulled your blade. You knew he was right. You were still losing blood, though it had slowed. You were tired, light-headed, growing weary with every step. Your bulleted arm was growing heavy, more useless with every pump of blood that left. But you would die fighting the Bastard of the Barrel if that’s what it took. “Or you can bleed out with me.”

“Dammit, Davina.” He sighed. Another figure appeared at the entrance to the alley and you whirled on them quickly.

You grabbed their shirtfront and slammed them against the wall. His hands went up in surrender as your blade threatened his throat.

“Woah!” He said quickly. “You wouldn’t slit my throat if I’m unarmed, would you?”

It took you a second but you recognized him.

“You’re Jesper Fahey. You’re never unarmed.” You countered.

At that, he grinned widely. “True, but you can see my hands, Love.” His eyes darted to your shoulder. “And I think you’ve already taken one bullet tonight.”

You shoved off him and glared back to Kaz.

“Oh, Saints. Kaz!” Jesper complained. “You shot her?”

“I did no such thing.” He said plainly. “The idiot got herself shot somewhere else.”

“A parting gift from my father.” You spat. “If you were just here to verify I was alive, why bring your sharpshooter?”

“If you think I’m daft enough to plot against the Dime Lions alone, then you’re a fool.” Kaz countered and you didn’t miss the hint of condescension.

It made you think the figure from before wasn’t just shadows. “No, I suppose that’s my job, as you do so like to point out.”  You looked to the rooftops.

“The Wraith here too?” You asked.

“She’s good.” Jesper praised. “Maybe we shouldn’t-“

“Shut up.” Kaz muttered. “Davina, Dear, we really should go.”

“What were the explosions?”

“Wylan’s handiwork.” Jesper said proudly. “Nothing dangerous, moreso just sound and some bright lights.”

“It shook my father’s building.” You deadpanned.

“Well.” He grinned again, his face alight with the thrill of a fight. “Maybe a little dangerous.”

“This wasn’t curiosity.” You turned on Kaz, his expression as unreadable as ever but he gave up the charade. “This was a heist. You wanted to kidnap me. Was my lieutenant not enough? Breaking her ribs, throwing her into the canals, that wasn’t enough?”

“You think me a fool?”

“You don’t want to know what I think you are.”

“Your lieutenant is a girl named Melli. She was visiting a small gambling hall last night and, funny enough, she didn’t wear that little cloak. And her hair was a different color, different cut, and her face was rounder than the hooded one. So, either you have multiple lieutenants or the girl you send out is someone else. Which is it, Dear?”

He knew something. You could see it in his eyes, even in the minimal light. You could hear it in his voice. He knew more than he was claiming, and he wanted to goad you into a confession.

“I’m going home.” You said firmly, though you could feel your hand with your blade trembling. “I’m hurt. I’m tired. I’m pissed off and in no mood to fight with you, Brekker.”

“No, we’re due for quite the chat.”

You sighed and tucked your blade away. You looked to Jesper, who was a bit uncertain of what to do next.

“Sorry about this.” You muttered.

His brows furrowed and as he opened his mouth to speak, you punched him in the throat. He coughed and grabbed his throat, so you grabbed his forearms and shoved him at Kaz. Both men fell in a heap so you took off running towards your little safe house.

You’d clean your wound, pry out the bullet, sleep off the worst of the pain. In the morning, you’d meet with your unnamed Healer before you returned home and planned what the hell you were going to do next.

[graveyrdvamp18]

i'm bored, , so here's what i think of each lost boy

i'm gonna do this one vamp at a time so i don't get overwhelmed, starting off with this mullet king

david

• he's a self - proclaimed leader

since he's the first turned and seemingly the most mature one, as each boy joined the gang, he took it upon himself to look after everyone. cause he cared for them ? that could be a factor, but also cause of his controlling nature

• he loves to read

david seems like he secretly loves to read, and im talking about newspapers, too. he even has reading glasses. and i would know this cause i am the glasses. anyway, as far as genres, maybe horror, mystery, and throw in a little romance from time to time

• he is the most possessive of his belongings

this man does NOT share. and he will be mad if he catches anybody besides him with his stuff

• he is the smartest

okay so i'm not calling the others stupid, vampires in general are intelligent beings. i'm just saying david is extremely smart, but this is also what makes him very, very good at manipulation. a master manipulator, if you will. and it's not just with the mind games he can play, with his words, his expressions. he knows exactly what to do or say to get you

• anger issues

something tells me if he's not the one who comes up and speaks to you first, don't even try. he would probably just ignore you or tell you to go away. this is probably something he picked up from his father (not max), and i don't necessarily think it's shown in the movie, just from his energy, makes me think that

• not the biggest fan of sweets

i keep switching from serious to silly things, but that's just how i roll, anywayy. he doesn't hate sweets or candy, just could live without them. he hates the stomach ache you can get after, and probably how sugary they are. the only sweet i think he can handle is cookies, more specifically snickerdoodles

• david has the highest level of maturity

i've actually read about this on here, i can't remember the person's user, but i just remember how they talked of how he dresses and how he talks, and i have to say i agree. he does indeed dress and talk completely different from his three vampire bros. this also makes me think that david is definitely an old soul and he was probably forced to grow up instead of having the freedom of being a wild and care-free child

• black and red are his favorite colors

more specifically darker shades of red, he hates bright colors. probably would complain it's hurting his poor eyes and he's going blind

• cares about his health.. a lot

there's absolutely nothing wrong with caring about your health. although the man's main diet is bl0od, clearly they can still eat human food. he eats junk food still and is definitely always down for some pasta or a good burger, but he tries to maintain a healthy way of eating. maybe he tried encouraging the other boys to do so, but gave up cause he was getting no where

• keeps things clean

if he sees a mess, he cleans it. or gets one of the others to clean it cause they caused it. the cave is definitely organized, and that was probably thanks to David. cause you can see during any cave scene how it's an organized mess

• his favorite food is pasta

already mentioned this briefly, but please he would fck up olive garden. i just know they would hate to see him coming

• despises loud noises

this includes the TV being too loud, loud crunching, any kind of beeping and so on. it pisses him off

• stupid nicknames

can't stand them. the other boys definitely have silly nicknames for him like 'pookie' and 'davey' and so on, and he wants to curl up every time

• early birdy

as soon as the sun sets, david is the first to wake up. mainly cause he loves night time. even before he was turned, he was always a night owl. he probably snuck out into a field near his childhood house a few times

• writing

there's really no doubt in my mind that david loves to write. he has many journals stored away cause he considers them personal. he has such a high guard up that whenever somethings wrong, he turns to paper and pen. he also has the most beautiful handwriting out of all of them

☆ what he could've been

i feel like if david was never turned, he would've wanted to be in a major career. he would've been an excellent psychologist. he would've wanted to start his own family, and have kids, probably out in the west.

he misses this at times, the chances and hopes that he lost, but despite that, i actually think he loves being a vampire. he loves the chase, the thrill of it all. he loves doing whatever he wants, whenever he pleases

one last thing, this man loves music. all 4 of them do, really. i feel like he'd listen to anything that isn't rap or pop. he also listens to country but doesn't let the other boys know that, they'd probably never let him live it down

let me know what you think ! whether you agree or disagree, i'm open-minded

i love david, honestly. i know he wouldn't love me back, cause I mean, have we watched the same movie ? but he's still my pookie bear

[mangionebabymama]

A bit off topic but I wanted to say this: I find intelligence so sexy, Luigi is not only physically attractive but also he’s very intelligent and educated c: I just thought of this because last night I was speaking with one of my classmates and we talked about politics and he did not know the difference between left and right, we’re in our junior year in college jajaj I got an immediate ick

All of this. I'll admit—the first time I ever saw the two photos of him when it was announced that he was named as the suspect (the one of him hiking in Hawaii and he's ripped and then the photo of him in the suit), I thought he was quite nice-looking. I say this because I'm not someone who, when I see the opposite gender, immediately decides if I am attracted to them or not. It's not always the case, but he caught my eye.

But then once I started diving deeper into more about his digital footprint, including his Reddit posts and even some of his GoodReads reviews, and even some of the things that he retweeted about on his Twitter—I know at the end of the day, people may call me parasocial or just a simp but, when I say this, I genuinely mean that I would love to sit down and talk to him about life, like anything. About his major, why he went into comp sci, the struggles of being an honors student/good student and still struggling with maintaining grades and having identity crises, us growing up in the same metro area of DC and Maryland, travelling, the complexity of intelligence and all the different forms. For me, I admire his intelligence so much because he seems to be the type of person with whom you could really talk about anything and everything and have a substantial conversation; it appears that he knows how to engage in conservation with people and talk to not only talk, but to learn from another person, too. I may be just an old soul, as I've been told this all my life, but I feel that even being Gen Z, sometimes, I have a hard time relating and speaking with people around my age by having experiences and being "older" beyond my years. But knowing he's literally around my age (he's three years older) and constantly loves to learn more about new things and seems quite interested in a wide variety of things?????? I'm WHIPPED

But, bestie, I would be getting the super ick, too, my god

[flaresemily]

Hello hope your having a good day! I have an angst idea for richter from castlevania nocturne. I was thinking of Richter and the reading being friends when they where younger and after his mom’s death, going to France they lost touch.

Eventually richter finds out that reader had been turned into a night creature (he realized from maybe something still on them jewelry, birthmark), how would that go?

I wanted to leave it open since a few ppl don’t like detailed requests sometimes 😅 if you do get around to this thank you!

It's okay if it's with me you can just make it as detailed as you can because this is to prevent me from being confused on what you are requesting. Idk if it's a good angst or not

Richter x Female Reader : Night Creatures.

"Richter!! Behind you!" Maria shouts at Richter seeing one of the night creatures trying to stab him from behind but fails.

"This thing keeps coming nonstop!" Richter replies as he kills one of them. "I feel like someone is controlling them but who?" Annette said as she protected Maria backs.

"weird...feels like we're missing a piece here" He mumbled to himself.

"If all 3 of you would look ahead. That's probably the master" said Alucard while glaring at the dark corners of the night street.

"get ready! It's about to strike!" They all get to their fighting stance. As the creature launched itself to them long claws were sheathed from behind the hood.

Cling!

"AGH!!!"

"Richter!!" As the creature attacks him with its long claw Alucard manages to launch some attack by cutting the left hand of the creature.

The creature growls before Maria summons her birds and attack it making the hood falls off.

It is revealed to be a female night creature. Long hair,sharp teeth,6 eyes. As if the creature stares at their souls.

"weirdly enough she maintains some of her...human face" Alucard comments on her appearance.

She growled at them before launching herself at them.

"Take cover!!!" As Annette shouted. Richter's world seems to be slow as the creature attacks him first.

Luckily Alucard managed to save him. "What were you thinking! Standing there like a prey!" He scolded him.

Richter was still in shock not by the creature attacks but with the creature's appearance.

"Richter are you alright?" Maria asked him.

"I...I..." As he looks down he remembers a promise he make

Flashbacks (yes flashbacks)

"promise me you come and protect me when I need help" a young girl probably 3 years old asked a young boy.

"I promise!" As they linked their pinky finger they laughed at each other's behavior.

Flashbacks end

I...I kno---" the creature screams again before attacking them.

"ugh it won't stop attacking...even when we are already blind it's eyes!"

Richter only remains silent. He slowly walks to the night creatures. "What are you doing!" Whisper Annette in case the creature hears her.

"just take cover...tell the others I handled her"

Annette just looks at him weirdly and runs to the others. As they all hide behind a ruin wall they watch Richter getting closer to the creature.

"hey beautiful..." The creature turns around and lets out a scream. "I was too late aren't I?" He let out a sad chuckle.

"... it's always like this, always late to save you even now I'm such a useless friend"

As the other 3 listened to his speech, they were starting to understand what was going on.

"do you know I actually got beat up by a female?" As he said, the creature attacks him again. He uses his whip and binds her leg together. Then he uses his power to freeze her leg after binding them.

The creature snarls at him.

"I'm sorry please... please forgive me" he used his power to freeze her whole body leaving only the head.

She growls and snarls at him. As if warning him.

"hey hey look it's me? Richie the 'wannabe hero' remember?" The creature seems to calm down.

"I am Alucard! And I'm gonna kill you!" As Richter said it in a playful tone. The creature seems to recognize it as its blinded eyes widen.

(the others feel cringe at that especially Alucard he looks like he got betrayed.)

As Richter cupped the creature's face. He brings the creature's forehead down and kisses her forehead. The creature truly calms down this time. It cries at the feeling.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry it's all my fault isn't it...I failed once again." He cried out. The creature screams once again trying to escape his grasp.

"please! Please!! I'm begging you! Stop I'm sorry! It's my fault! It's my fault!" As the final stroke the creature breaks out from the ice and slams Richter to the wall.

Alucard sensing this quickly attack the creature.

"YOᑌ lie!! ᎽϴႮ ˡᶦᵉ!" The creature cried out in pain.

"ꪱׁׁׁׅׅׅtׁׅ 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻 ｉｔ ｂｕｒｎ!! 𝘼𝙜𝙝!!! ՆɿคՐ სiმჁ!!"

Richter try to reach out for her but was stop by Annette.

"you have to let her go she's suffering."

"I can't..." He sob. "I need to keep my promise and yet I failed once again! Why! Why!" He punches the floor in anger.

"I was always late to save her. And yet she was always on time to save me. Why am I so useless!" He cry. Tears flowing nonstop.

"𝑺𝒂... ᵥₑ.... ₘₑ" Richter eye widen.

"It's now or never Richter!! You need to save her!! She's hurting! She's suffering! Keeping her alive just makes her suffer more!"

He screams in anger and runs to the creature. He uses his power shaping them like a dagger and slams it to the creature chest 5 times. The creature chokes on its own blood and falls backwards.

Richter walks to the creature still crying and cradles it. He screams and screams and screams till he loses his voice.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry y/n." He sob.

"ₘₒ... ᵣₒₙ" he heard the creature mumble and smile. "Yeah...I'm a moron"

As the creature chest stops moving it indicates that the creature finally meets its end.

"someday...I promise I save you just in time"

He carries the creature and buried it near the lake.

"who is she actually and how did you recognize her?" Maria asks watching Richter bury the corpse.

"...her leg" he smile. "Her leg?"

"she has a burn mark on her left leg. She got it from a fire that happened when we were little. It was still there" he answered.

"now...she probably wishes for me to continue living so... who's gonna cook tonight?"

Slap!

"as if!! We already cooked yesterday it's your turn!" Annette say and walk away with Maria.

"Do you agree with them?" Alucard side eye him and smirks. "Guess you will be cooking alone tonight Belmont boy" he chuckled and followed the other two.

"hey! It's not fair?!"

The end~

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Stray Kids as Husbands

Okay, this was requested a while ago, so I will start this series with this group. Let's see what they show me.

Bang Chan (Pisces/3 of Cups/3 of Pentacles/Judgment)

I did hear husband material at first and these cards kind of show that, which is nice. I see him being very emotionally connected and affectionate with his partner. He will be very attuned to his partner where he may struggle to distinguish himself from his partner. I can see him being very idealistic and may not see the reality of a situation as well. I can see him being a husband that will still want to maintain friendships. I can see him wanting big parties or gathering with friends every so often, along with his partner's friends as well and them getting along. I can see him wanting to get along with his partner's friends. I see him wanting to be a support system for his partner, but he also would want that for himself or have a strong support system around himself and his partner. I don't see him wanting them to solely depend on each other, but have a community around them, which is interesting that he is stressing this. I see him wanting them to grow old together and also grow together on a personal level. I see him wanting the relationship to flourish and to nurture the bond as long as it last.

Lee Know (House 12/The Star/The Devil/4 of Cups)

I see there will be a lot of healing and lessons he will need to learn in Marriage. It will be something he can grow on a spiritual level from. I feel like Marriage and him being a husband will be a big lesson for him in this lifetime. This could stem from a past lifetime and being a husband is a lesson to learn and grow from in this lifetime. I see him needing to release old patterns and learn to let go. He will need to learn the art of forgiveness, to himself and to his future spouse. He may struggle to forgive, and this Marriage can be a lesson for him to learn that. He will need to work on opening his heart and to learn to be more vulnerable and to stop hiding these aspects of himself or guard it. I am getting it is hard for him to open up, as a husband he will need to learn to do so to heal in this lifetime. He may struggle to stay in the relationship emotionally and could get quite bored quickly and need some new excitement. I can see him disconnecting eventually and wanting something new. So, I see being a husband will be a challenge for him.

Changbin (Venus/3 of Wands/Wheel of Fortune/Ace of Pentacles)

He is cute! He will be all about giving and receiving love. He will have a strong connection and attraction to his spouse. I think of the Lovers card when I see this Venus card. He wants someone he can connect and vibe with. I can see him enjoying the company of his spouse and wanting to try and do things together. He could be madly in love with his future spouse. I can see him being a passionate husband. He will want to travel with them and do fun things, to step outside and try new things, to go on adventures together. He will want things to be fun and exciting. He will be someone who enjoys progress and taking steps forward. He is not about the past, and he doesn't like dwelling on it. He prefers to look ahead. He wants a stable footnote and to build a strong secure unit with his partner. I can see money being a thing and him wanting to make money. I see him being steady, stable and calm as a husband. He isn't the type to get overly emotional or unstable. He will be a solid source as a husband. I can also see him being realistic about things in Marriage. I can see him not having this la la land mindset as a husband. I see him keeping it real. And he knows what is needed to make a good solid marriage work. Man, I want him now reading this lol I love his energy.

Hyunjin (House 8/The Hermit/Sacral Chakra/8 of Swords)

Oh my dear Hyunjin *sighs.* Why am I getting the message he is a broken soul, did I not get that in his perspective reading? Interesting. Umm, there is some karmic ties he will need to release as a husband. I do hope he isn't in a karmic bond within this marriage, because those relationships are not the greatest. This card is about death and rebirth and facing one's fear, so he may need to do this as a husband. I sense he will need his time alone, or he will spend a lot of time alone to search for himself through this Marriage. It can also help him find himself as well. Sexual intimacy could be important to him, or that is something he may need to work on healing. But the sacral chakra is about creative energy, his desires, vulnerability, so he may struggle with that as a husband, but he may also, if comfortable enough, can express this energy very well as a husband. He may struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. He can feel lost and hopeless and feel he can't do things. He's got to work on opening himself up to the possibilities and release the restrictions he may put on himself. There is a need for him to take the blinders off.

Han (Chiron/6 of Wands/The Hanged Man/The World)

So, as a husband he may have some wounds he will need to work on healing as well. This energy is rough that needs to be healed and worked through, and he will need to accept this challenge in his life, through that he can heal and move past it. Not sure why Marriage and him being a husband will be a triggering experience for him, but it is a lesson for his personal growth to figure out. He can be a husband that can give a boost to his partner. To be their biggest ally, but he would have to learn to gain belief and confidence in himself, if he can do that, he can inspire and lift his spouse up. I see him having a lot of pride for his spouse. He should work on not resisting things in the Marriage, observe and let things be and to accept things as it is. This is all a lesson for him. I can see him being passive about things and struggling to take action as well, just letting things be, now there is a time and place for that and he will need to do that, but he should also show passion and fight for things that he feels he should, so the passive approach won't always work in his favor. So, if he just allows things to slowly fall into place, he will find wholeness and peace within himself. He will need to work on stop fighting certain things, there is a time and place for that, but it shouldn't be constant. It seems he can always be on fight mode. I am referring to flight or fight mode. The 6 of wands can also refer to him needing or having a desire to win all the time, or be on top, so he will need to work on letting go and giving his spouse a chance to take a win every so often.

Felix (Cancer/The Emperor/The High Priestess/4 of Pentacles)

I see him as a husband that likes to have control and take the lead when it comes to his Marriage. He is all about the family and building a stable and comfortable home for the family. I can see him wanting to be the provider. I can also see him as a husband who is very protective of his spouse and family. I can see him being pretty private about it. I don't see him being to open about his family life. He would like to keep things behind closed doors. To keep things a mystery. I see him being a husband of action, planning out things. I can see him being a good listener as well. I don't particularly see him being that open with his partner or showing much emotion or vulnerability. I see him more so being more logical and wanting to be a strong stable force for his spouse. But he does have that Cancer energy, which is very sensitive and soft energy, so he does have that, but may not reveal it too much. He can be very loving and warm, but he may repress that to keep the home as stable as it can be and not to show too much vulnerability as he may think things will crack is he does so. His need to control things and keep things together can block him from showing a more loving and carefree energy that is in him, so he would need to work on opening himself up more to be a more loving doting husband, rather than a control freak that may piss of his fs and make things harder for their relationship to thrive.

Seungmin (Yin/3 of Swords/4 of Wands/9 of Cups)

I see him having some strong feminine energy as a husband. Someone who is calmer, still, patient, intuitive and more receptive to his partner. He may want them to take more of the lead. He may also be someone who can keep things to himself to keep the peace. He is also a husband that trust and just let's things be, so he can be a bit passive and nonchalant and lack initiative as well. It seems like he will struggle to communicate his struggles, hurt and needs and will do his best to keep it to himself, which may make him feel alone and isolated, because of the lack of communication skills he has. He would like things to be jovial and happy and would want a happy home for his spouse. He would provide joy and warmth to his spouse. Marriage and meeting his fs will be a dream come true for him, but I also see him really wanting to make his spouse happy, so he may disregard his needs to please his spouse. He would want Marriage to be a happy occasion, so he will do his best to bring happiness to his spouse as a husband.

I.N (Aries/2 of Pentacles/The Hanged Man/2 of Cups)

I can see him having an aggressive energy as a husband. Kind of dominating, but would like a challenge, or a spouse to challenge him. He will have lots of passion and fire as a husband. Someone who is the initiator and would like to take the lead, but he would want his spouse to do so as well. We got two two's here, so balance is necessary for him. As a husband he is good at juggling things multi-tasking, so all his priorities may not be on his spouse. I can see this as him wanting them both to bring something to the table in the marriage. He brings something and they bring another thing. He would want them to be a good mix. He wouldn't want to put in all the effort as a husband. He would like them to share duties. Although, he can be the initiator. He does also take a passive approach and likes to observe his spouse and learn from them. I can see him being very aware of what his spouse does, so I would say he is observant. But I can see him open to new ideas and perspectives, so he can learn from his spouse as a husband, so I don't see him stuck on an idea, or being too stubborn. He would like a strong spiritual and emotional connection between the two. Two people coming together as a whole, so he will be a loving husband. I see him open to love and to receive it. I see him being tough, but also has a soft side.

Okay, this was fun, probably my favorite reading to do of them. I will do this for the other groups I normally do too as well.

[skyflyinginaction]

can you get into detail about the OB confronting their OB versions?

The overblots reference their flaws and insecurities, going over them is pretty self-explanatory, but I am going to list them here: Idia is an interesting case, unlike the other OB victims in this post, he doesn’t face himself but his own brother. 

OB Ortho:

His phantom symbolizes Idia’s shadow of failing to protect Ortho; he blames himself for his brother's death. 

Instead of the phantom gettnig angry instead he consoles Idia and tells him to stop blaming himself and reminds Idia of what he has to do, its heartwarming becuase even as a phantom he still cares about his brother always encourages him. 

Idia: 

Idia realizes just how much he depends and how that dependence on ortho trapped him in the underworld and forced him to take on tasks that Idia himself didn’t. 

Idia is facing his own inner demons of his failure to protect himself and accepting his death, and accepting his brother's death, the last part is of him freeing himself of his shackles

OB Vil:

The shadow is a manifestation of Vil’s envy and resentment towards Neige and his overwhelming need for external validation. The shadow plays on his doubts that he will be remembered as an ugly, terrible person, crushed by all the boulders that are criticism. 

Vil:

Vil accepts his darkness and the ugliness of his actions. He does away with any labels he reaffirms his self-confidence, even when dressed in shadows mirroring when he was old. 

OB Jamil:

The shadow is lamenting its current situation and is full of self-pity, harbors contempt for Kalim, and blames him for the fact that he can’t act freely, as well as blaming others, such as his parents and upbringing, for being the problem. 

Jamil:

Jamil acknowdged that his upbringing played a factor in his problems as well as use to views other in contempt and held back so he can show off to others when he has the chance this caused him to hinder his own potencial and screw up badly. Jamil, who used to criticize others, now criticizes. Jamil criticizes his own shadow, stating that he is one of the main reasons for his problems; that it's his own narrow-mindedness is the reason that hinders his potential. 

OB Azul:

The shadow manifestation as his insecruites that refused to acknowledge his weak self to the point he hangs on to a powerful self image of being dressed in talents to not face it, this also highlights this obession he hangs on to desperately, he clings onto his shallow appearance resulting him in taking others talents and items to maintain that apperance this in turn caused him to be burdened by the weight of his sins. 

Azul: 

Azul acknowledged that he can’t achieve personal growth if he's burdened by the weight of his sins, and now realizes they aren’t things he actually finds valuable, and wants to find things with real value 

OB Leona: 

The shadow complains how it isn’t fair, and is frustrated that Faluana and Cheka believe the reason he isn't acknowledged is because of them. The shadow stated that he boasted he was better than anyone, but doesn’t try to compete on his own merit, fearing that if he competes seriously and loses, the pride he had been trying to protect will be in tatters. When his pride is in tatters, it would expose his vulnerability. That's the reason he was scared of hope, knowing how soul-crushing it is when it was destroyed making which was part vulnerability, and he couldn’t stand that; this is why he ran away. The shadow desired acknowledgment, assuming that people wouldn’t understand him, but in reality never worked hard to gain others' acknowledgment, which was the cause of his own misery, which was in no way to be anyone's fault but his own.

Leona:

Leona is disgusted with his past mindset but chooses to leave as a way of letting go of his toxic mindset, even Leona acknowledged that the cause of his own misery was in no part to be anyone's fault but his own. Leona using long live the king to reject his overblown self symbolizes his decision to break free from his own self-doubt and resentment 

OB Riddle:

The shadow manifests as Riddle's worst flaws in book 1. Riddle refuses to listen to the people around him. It also states that even when Riddle is smart, he is inflexible and unable to control his emotions; he is a childish and angry person who lacks humanity. The reason they defined his position as president there will be no place for him, fearing that without that responsibility, they will be alone

Riddle:

Riddle realizes he didn’t make sense in book 1 and acknowledged that he took one wrong turn and became a tyrant, and that he is wrong. When the shadow taunted him by reminding him of his flaws, he didn’t respond but remained silent in book 1. he couldn’t handle criticism because it was an attack on his sense of self, but the fact that he doesn’t respond proves how far he has come. He calls the shadow conceited because the shadow was trying to choose for him, and Riddle wasn’t going to let anyone decide for him

That was all I got for the boys confronting their ob forms. I could be wrong while I explained this, but you think you otherwise or have input to add, feel free.

[notelcol]

A rivals desire 🌹

Non gender specific rival/lover✨

A little story inspired by the Wanderers ‘about us: rivals’ voiceline. In this story, reader is studying in Vahamuna with the Wanderer and is his only true academic rival. You and he are the only ones able to really challenge each others work. It will, of course, be set in Sumeru post it’s archon quest.

Mildly edited, apologies for mistakes🫶

——-

“So, you're still stewing over our run-ins from before? Huh. Well, what are you going to do about it? Take your time. I'm in no hurry.” The Wanderer scowled at you, referring to the time you helped thwart his plans to become a god.

“For the last time. No!” Your voice became faster and louder as you continued. “Unlike you, I can let things go!” You glared at him.

“If you aren’t out for revenge, then why would you rebuke my paper?!” He leaned closer as he waved your latest paper around. “Why else would you make a point of disputing every paper I submit?” His voice became quiet, full of venom with a touch of vulnerability.

“I rebuked your paper because it was short sighted. Same as all the others.” You told him. “Your takes on history and society are factually correct and full of potential, yes. But, you always fail to see the true story.” You say, slightly distracted by how close you stood to him. “You miss out the heart of everything by only focusing on the tangible parts. True insight comes from mixing the facts with the feelings that follow in their wake.” You explained, eyes flicking to the ground as you finished talking and realised how long you’d been maintaining eye contact.

When he didn’t reply, you returned his gaze again. He seemed to be lost in his mind, you could almost see the churning of waves behind his blue eyes.

“So you’re telling me, that to reach academic greatness I must tap into my emotions to find the heart of things?” He asked incredulously before scoffing. “You realise I don’t have a heart right?” He folded his arms and raised a brow as he spoke. His words made you chuckle.

“The heart just pumps blood around a body. The brain is where all thoughts and feelings lie….surely you have one of those don’t you?” You smirked.

“Yes. Very funny.” He deadpanned. You rolled your eyes.

“Well, if we’re done here?” You gestured to the path you were on your way down before he interrupted your journey.

“Wait!” He grabbed your wrist as you began to turn away. “If you think you know so much, then show me. Show me how to achieve ‘true insight’.”

You deliberated his request for no where near long enough, given the task it would be to get this man to view society in a sympathetic way.

“Fine. Lesson one. Tell me one emotion you are familiar with feeling.” You looked expectantly, assuming he would give you an immediate answer. After mulling it over he opened his mouth..and then closed it again, before finally speaking.

“Desire.”

“Good! That’s good, you can tap into that. Think of something you want and go after it. Study that feeling. Then when you succeed, focus on how you feel when you get whatever it is you want and it will lead you to another emotion to study.“

“This is ridiculous. Talking about feelings to better writing, how warped.” He grumbled.

“You sound like Azar.” You shook your head at him, remembering the former grand sage.

“Don’t compare me to that old fool!” Offence tainted the Wanderer’s words. “I am nothing like that failure. I am better.” His breath fanned your face as he argued with you.

“Then stop acting like him and prove it! I wouldn’t ‘make a point’ of challenging you all the time if I didn’t believe you could be brilliant.” You exclaimed. His eyes darted around your face as he seemed to freeze. You watched him wade through his mind, slowly you could see his soul becoming clearer in the distance. You had lost yourself in his eyes and possibly would have stayed that way for eternity if he hadn’t grabbed your cheeks, shocking you back to reality. He almost looked as confused as you, before pressing his lips to yours.

Your eyes widened as the space between you closed, but when his fingers started stroking your cheek as he kissed you, you couldn’t help but melt. Your hands wrapped around the back of his neck and you let yourself fall into the kiss. You swore you could feel him smile right before he pulled away.

“Peace.” He spoke as he rested his forehead on yours. “The fruition of my desire leads to peace.”

——-

Thank you for reading 🌹

[fandom-chic]

Please Please Please: Chapter 2

Summary: Y/N is only a child when she and Tommy Shelby meet. The two quickly become best friends as they grow up in Small Heath. As the years go by, Y/N and Tommy realize there may be more to their friendship than they originally thought.

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Y/N

Previous chapter

Year: 1912

The wind blew in through her hair as her horse galloped along the English countryside. She could’ve sworn the wind was whispering in her ear as her smile beamed at the beautiful world before her. 

“Oy!” She glanced back to see Tommy’s smiling face, “What’s the hurry, love?” She grabbed the reins to her stead, tightening them slightly to slow down to her friend’s speed.

“No hurry at all,” she said behind a grin, “I just thought you were a horse connoisseur.” Tommy raised an eyebrow at that.

“Are you saying I’m all talk?” he said, feigning exasperation.

“I’m saying your riding is shit.” she shot back playfully, letting her grin turn into a cheeky smile. Tommy’s other eyebrow raised to match the first.

“Well,” he said, adjusting himself slightly, “I guess we’ll have to see who the best horseman is.” 

“You mean horsewoman?” She corrected, a lilt in her voice. 

“I didn’t mean-” Before he could finish his thought, Y/N took off. Tommy mumbled a string of expletives before bolting after her. She leaned forward, forcing her horse to maintain the speed she needed. She could hear Tommy hot on her heels as the lake came into view. 

“Come on.” she urged her horse as she began to see the outline of Tommy in her vision. Suddenly, the horse stops at the edge of the lake. Seconds later, Tommy is by her side.

“Well, that was shit sportsmanship.” She shot him a brazen smirk.

“But I still won.” Tommy clicked his tongue.

“I guess you did.” He said, jumping off his stead. She followed his lead, landing beside her companion. 

“Now you have to admit, I am the superior horseman.” She punctuated the sentiment by placing her hands on her hips. She could feel Tommy willing himself not to roll his eyes. She tried to hold back a snicker, failing to notice he began to remove his shoes.

“I will admit that,” He placed his shoes and socks side by side at the edge of the lake. “But I think you may have to face punishment for poor sportsmanship.”

“Poor sportsmanship-” She was cut off as two strong arms wrapped around her waist. A squeak escaped her lips as Tommy lifted her into his arms and a scream erupted as they both plunged into the water. Her arms instinctively wrapped tightly around his neck, and her legs around his waist as they resurfaced.

“That punishment did not fit the crime.” she said, using her palm to rub the lake water from her eyes.

Tommy snorted with laughter as he brushed a strand of wet hair away from her face. “Then I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.” She rolled her eyes at the platitude before moving Tommy’s wet hair off his forehead. She couldn’t help but giggle as she pushed the hair straight back. “What’s so funny?” he said. His smile showcased his prominent cheekbones. 

“Nothing,” she said, continuing to smooth his hair, “I just know what you’ll look like when you’re a bald old man.”

“You mean I’ll be dashingly handsome,” he struck a pose for her.

“Something like that she says,” she replied, unable to ignore the tranquility in his eyes as she combed her fingers through his hair. She knew those eyes well—beautiful eyes that could penetrate her soul and unearth every secret. From stealing money from her mother's purse to staying out late with the boy from her English class, those eyes knew everything about her. They had the power to hold her captive for as long as they desired. She almost forgot how entangled in her friend she was until he started to move them out of the water. She let her legs unwrap from around his waist and her arms detach from behind his neck. He pulled himself out of the water, helping her out with him.

Although the lake was not the most exciting place in the countryside of England, it was one of their favorites. They discovered this secret oasis nine years earlier. They had both decided to cut class that day to ride horses. The further they ventured from Small Heath, the fresher the air became, and the distant sounds of the city faded away. That was when they finally found their oasis, their lake. It has become their hideaway from reality. Tommy’s from the growing pressure of the Peaky Blinders and Y/N’s from the monotonousness that was Small Heath. 

She would rest her head on his shoulder as they watched the sun set. She always liked the way the sun streaked across the lake’s surface. 

“The sun’s telling us that we’re in our own personal heaven.” she would say, pointing at how the glittering rays of the sun hitting the lake seemed to be pointed perfectly at them. Tommy would smile and watch the joy in her eyes as she watched the sunset. 

On the oppressively warm days of summer between sessions of secondary school, Tommy and Y/N would sneak off together to the lake. Polly would roll her eyes and smirk as she watched the teens gallop away. 

“Fuck, I’m soaked.” Tommy said, noticing the way his clothes molded to his form. Y/N noticed it too, looking away when Tommy looked over at her. Tommy’s eyes remained on Y/N for another beat, noticing the way her white dress had now become transparent.

“I wonder whose fault is that.” Y/N said. Before Tommy could retort, Y/N pulled her dress over her head. Seeing Y/N in her knickers was a sight Tommy had seen many times, but he still couldn’t help the blush that rose to his cheeks. She kicked off her shoes too before reaching out to Tommy, “Give me your shirt and trousers.” 

He snorted before beginning to unbutton his top, “Usually a lady needs to buy me a drink before we get to this part of the evening.” Y/N rolled her eyes, grabbing Tommy’s clothes and hanging them up in a tree branch to dry. As soon as the clothes were settled in the branch, Y/N took the picnic blanket from her bag and laid it out. 

“After you,” She gestured towards the blanket. Tommy lay on his back, his eyes gazing at the sky. Y/N followed suit, observing whatever the sky decided to reveal to them. The clouds drifted by, and the wind whispered through the grass. Tommy's eyelids grew heavy, and he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

“Look!” His eyes shot open, “A bullfinch!” Y/N pointed up towards a red-breasted bird. Tommy rubbed his eyes letting out a snicker.

“You scared the crap out of me,” He said drowsily, “What’s so great about a goddamn bird?” 

Y/N shrugs and continues to stare at the bird as it lands on a branch.

Y/N shrugged, her gaze fixed on the bird as it took flight. "I don't know, it's rather beautiful, don't you think?" Tommy couldn't help but smile.

“And that, my dear, is why you will be a wonderful teacher.” It was now Y/N’s turn to smile at Tommy. With the summer coming to an end, Y/N’s first year of teaching primary school quickly approached. She felt like a kid herself in the sense that the first day of school jitters were already starting to pulse through her fingers and toes. 

“I hope so,” she said, allowing her arms to rest above her head as her fingers traced the dirt.

“I know so.” he replied, turning to look at her, “I also know that all the little buggers will adore you, especially the little boys.” Y/N playfully slapped Tommy’s arm.

“Very funny Tom,” she rolled her eyes at him, “If anything happens, I’ll make sure to tell James.” 

James. Of course she would tell James. Tommy shifted his gaze, fixing his eyes on the sky once more.

James was Y/N’s most recent boyfriend. He was nice. Very nice. Too nice, Tommy thought as a beat passed between the two of them.

“How is he?” Tommy asked, letting his eyes stay away from Y/N.

“Good,” Y/N replied, “It’s only been a few weeks but, I don’t know, I have a good feeling about him.” 

“I can tell, you two looked awfully chummy at The Garrison the other day.” Y/N’s face turns to Tommy.

“Are you keeping tabs on me?” Y/N teased, “Making sure James is treating me well?” 

“It’s one of the perks of my job.” Now it was Y/N’s turn to look at the sky. 

Tommy had recently begun to become more involved in the Peaky Blinders. Y/N knew this day would come, it was the family business. She just always expected Arthur to take more of a leadership role, but in the back of her mind, she knew this was Tommy’s dream: to protect his family and provide them the life he always wanted. She can’t help but recall the young boy in the oversized clothes finding odd ways to help his family survive the cold winters. With him in charge, they both know the family will never have to worry about that again.

“How’s that going?” she asked, letting her hands rest on her belly button. 

Tommy shrugged, “Fine.” Y/N sat up, looking down at her friend.

“Come on Tom, I need more details than just ‘fine’.” He sighed, slowly sitting up to meet her eyes. 

“It’s definitely going,” He ran a hand through his drying hair, “I’m thinking we should invest in the race track.” She raised an eyebrow.

“You mean you’re going to be a horse gambler now?” 

“What do you want me to say?” he mumbled, “You know my father is gone. Finn is four, Ada just turned fifteen, John is getting fucking married and Arthur is hanging on by a fucking thread. This is the path we have to take.” She understood his predicament, that doesn’t mean she liked it.

“What about Polly? Could she take on more?” She felt as though she was pleading with Tommy. Begging him to sit back and let himself be a young man and do the normal things that young men do. 

“It’s my family, Y/N,” he said firmly, “It’s my job, not Polly’s.” 

“Well,” she looked away from him, “I hope you realize that this is a death sentence.” She knew her words cut him. She could feel all movement from him stop. 

“Why can’t you be happy for me,” his words come out almost as a whisper, “My family is finally making a name for itself. I thought you could at least pretend to be happy.” He was trying his hardest not to yell, but his frustration was getting the better of him. 

She looked back over at him, keeping the harshness in her eyes, “I can’t do that when my best friend is putting himself in danger.” That was when Tommy rose. He grabbed his clothes off the branch and began to dress himself.

“What are you doing?” Y/N asked, standing to face him.

“Going home,” he replied, beginning to mount his horse.

“Tommy-”

“Goodbye, Y/N.” he said, cutting her off, before riding off. Y/N sighed, taking a seat on the blanket. It wasn't their first fight—this was one of maybe one million. She knew how it would play out. They wouldn't speak for a day or two, and then either she or Tommy would knock on the other's door, ready to apologize. He needed space and she would let him have it. 

She gets home that day, hoping maybe Tommy would be at her door. He wasn’t. She sighed, bringing her horse to the stable before going inside.

That day turned into two, then a week, and eventually a month. Six months passed before she heard from him again.

Next chapter

Taglist:

@mrharringtonsbae

@mysticwitchcraftco

@globetrotter28

[nicospen]

Shinya's Mistake

Pairing: Guren Ichinose x Shinya Hiiragi fanfic.

cw: angst, slight mention of unrequited love

mlist

"I am willing to drown myself in power to save you."

The last words that damn Ichinose uttered before Shinya blacked out. He hated this. He hated himself.

He hated Guren.

He doesn't understand what Guren just said. It didn't make sense in the slightest. Just what the hell does Guren want? What did he want to achieve? One second ago he was stopping Shinya from interfering with the Seraph (Kimizuki's sister) and the next he was trying to revive the world once more.

Confusing, Shinya thought.

Guren was confusing. Shinya didn't understand how Guren thinks and acts, which makes it more infuriating! Guren was a mystery to Shinya. Back then, Shinya thought he understood Guren the most, but now it seemed like the more he tried to understand Guren, the less he understood about him.

Oh how he missed the days when they were just mere highschool students, fighting and bickering per usual. The days he understood the familiar but unfamiliar man.

Shinya opened his eyes and sat up. His eyes widening slightly. His breathing quickened as a familiar place emerged before him. The highschool he used to go to before the whole situation happened.

"Byakkomaru," Shinya called out as he looked at the scene before him— the first time he saw Guren. "Stop playing games with me. We have to get back to—"

To what? Guren? Yuuichiro and the others? If maybe, just maybe...

No.

Honestly, he had to admit, back then,Shinya did not really care about Guren. He was merely curious of the type of person Mahiru would fall in love with. Especially since Mahiru did say Guren Ichinose was the person she loved, not him. Not Shinya.

So what if he took a little peep (and maybe somewhat test his strength...) at Guren? Maybe a few talismans here and there— but still! Guren came out of that brawl semi-okay. And, it built a solid bond with the two.

It was as if they were meant to meet, to be together.

No. Get your head out of the clouds! Shinya thought.

The scene suddenly changed. Shinya was suddenly somewhere else. He watched as 16 year old Shinya talk to someone on the phone.

Isn't this...

It was that night, the night when Guren called Shinya that he had sex with Mahiru.

Byakkomaru suddenly appeared before him. Shinya just smiled before the demon. His signature and cool smile.

"Byakko," Shinya said, the nickname casually rolling off his tongue. "Why are you showing me this?"

Byakkomaru sighed.

"Shinya," Byakkomaru called out. "Do you not feel an ounce of hatred towards Ichinose? That night, you did not show any hatred... Instead you felt pity."

"Ha!" Shinya exclaimed. "Pity? Why would I pity him?"

"No, Shinya. You do not pity him. You pitied yourself. You pitied yourself endlessly."

Shinya bit his lip, not wanting to listen to what the actual fuck this damned tiger demon was saying.

"Why would I do that to myself?" Shinya asked, smiling.

"Did you not ask yourself? 'Why her? Why not me?'" Byakkomaru stated.

Byakkomaru was right after all. Once Guren ended the call, Shinya stayed awake, asking himself question after question.

Shinya chuckled to himself before saying, "Byakkomaru, you misunderstand me. I'm not the type of person to..."

"I suppose you would not mind if I took over your body and kill Ichinose?"

"That's a different thing now. I consider Guren as family and—"

"Do you feel the same for Norito Goshi and the others?" Byakkomaru asked.

"Yes I do, but—"

"Shinya. You and I are connect in both mind and soul. I know what you feel for that bastard."

Shinya sighed, but maintained his smile.

"You already knew," Shinya said. "And you ask me such questions."

Shinya smiled and looked at the ceiling, before it changed into a scene where rain was falling. Although it was only a part of the demon's ability, it seemed real. All of the memories he refused to remember, all of the things he forced to lock away deep inside him.

It all came crashing back.

"You loved him did you not?"

"No. I love him." Shinya corrected. "Quite stupid of me, right? Falling in love with someone like him... But he's the only one I have left. I understand why Mahiru fell for him..."

Shinya turned to Byakkomaru with a sad smile.

"I made a lot of mistakes in the past. A lot I have learned from. But Guren? He's like a drug. A drug I can't get enough of. I want his affection. I wanted to be his everything. I wanted to be his need. Like how he is the air I breathe, the water I drink..."

He laughed at himself for feeling this way. For being pathetic. For falling in love with someone he can't have.

"Foolish, am I right? Out of all the mistakes I have committed... Loving him was my greatest mistake. A mistake I refuse to learn from."

~

Back in the real world. Guren glanced at an unconscious Shinya, blissfully unaware of the turmoil happening within Shinya.

Guren lowered his lashes and wiped away at a stray tear that fell from the corner of Shinya's eye.

"Get up soon, m'kay? I'll guard you while you rest." Guren muttered.

GAH I'VE FINALLY FINISH IT. this shi was so complicated to write since i had to check ONS chapters over and over again😔🙏. Ik im bad at writing but like i finally finished my first ever fic!!! (⁠☆⁠▽⁠☆⁠)

[thespiritualencourager]

🔴 —REST—

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.””

‭‭—Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭(NKJV‬‬)

[Dig Deeper] : (Exodus 16: 23)

In 24 hours the average adult accomplishes much: his heart beats 103,689 times, his blood travels 168 million miles, he breathes 23,040 times, he inhales 438 cubic feet of air, he eats 3 1/2 pounds of food and drinks 2.9 quarts of liquid, he speaks 4,800 words, he moves 750 muscles, his nails grow .000046 inch, and he exercises 7 million brain cells. It's no wonder we need rest!

When God established the laws governing the lives of the Israelite people, He built into their schedule a time for rest. Physically it enabled their bodies to recuperate. Spiritually it reminded them that their salvation was not complete. They needed a spiritual "rest" that would come only when the Messiah would take away their sins. The writer of Hebrews makes it clear that even though the Jewish people practiced Sabbath-keeping, the real "rest" was a future event. He declared, "For if Joshua had given them rest, then He would not afterward have spoken of another day. There remains therefore a rest for the people of God" (Heb. 4:8-9).

In the New Testament the command to "remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy" is the only one of the Ten Commandments not repeated--and for good reason. The spiritual rest that the Old Testament saints looked forward to and which the Sabbath represented is now a reality. Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28).

Taking a day to rest is still an important part of maintaining a healthy body. But it's a physical necessity, not a spiritual law. Now we can rejoice in the true rest that comes in Christ.

Rest is a matter of wisdom, not law.

—Woodrow Kroll

© Back to the Bible

[gallusrostromegalus]

AEIWAM : what are the divisions specialities actually ? Like obviously the 4th heal and the 11h fight but like. The 9th? Do crosswords?

BOY AM I GLAD YOU ASKED BECAUSE THIS IS SOME OF THE BEST RETROACTIVE WORLD BUILDING I HAD TO DO AND I'M PROUD OF IT.

So in canon, almost none of the guard squads have "specialist" jobs, mostly because it's not terribly important to the plot, and because the court guards were essentially formed as an ad-hoc mercenary gang to protect one city specifically, but since Yamamoto didn't have to remain loyal to any noble family specifically, he kept getting pulled in as an arbiter and more and more responsibilities heaped upon him until the Court guard squads were acting as a De-Facto government, until the old man got pissed off with being involved in everybody else's business and rounded up a gang of nerds to do that for him so he could go do sword stuff. Seriously, everything about the administrative Bullshit in Soul Society makes sense when viewed through the lens of 'this shit was made ad-hoc out of what was available by people who only kind of knew what they were doing.

So the main government of Soul Society functions approximately like so:

Royal Guard:

Only technically part of the government, the Royal guard consists of The Monk who is responsible for making sure nobody steals any more of the soul king's body parts, and the four people he chose to help/didn't want left unattended in the Spirit World: The Guy who makes Zanpaktou, the Guy who can (theoretically) heal the Soul King, the lady who can literally mess with the fabric of reality and the lady who can create new souls. They spend nearly all their time in the Royal Realm trying to prevent the universe from unrevealing further, and don't really have administrative power so much as if any one of them decided to, they could wreck house of anyone in the spirit world, so if they say something, the central 46 listens and obeys.

Central 46:

The Highest Administrative level, sets society-wide policies, mediates disputes between provinces, wrangles the noble houses, assigns aid and designs social programs. It's comprised of 46 sages and other wise people appointed by the 46 as they die off. IN THEORY "Let a bunch of academics and philosophers who presumably know what they're doing make policy" isn't *that* bad an idea by itself, but it got coupled with "Also, to make sure these guys aren't being bribed or politically pressured, let's keep them in near-total isolation :)" and that's when things got weird.

The Central 46 does try it's best to maintain a peaceful and prosperous society, but it's got to strike a weird balance and the isolation sure does not fucking help maintain a cognizant worldview.

Noble Houses:

So the soul society, by the way they measure time*, only JUST got out of a major warring states period because magical Germany invaded and the guy that lead the army also managed to get The Mandate Of Heaven, but a lot of those formerly-warring states are still around, especially the ones that stole pieces of the soul king. They're not governmental bodies, but the families have shitloads of money, private armed forces and political influence. Think of the worst possible combination of magacorporation, mercenary army and royal dynasty. The are, unfortunately, still a political force to be reckoned with.

*Badly.

Provincial Governors:

So the Soul Society is divided up into Districts like so:

(Embiggen to actually see the damn thing)

The Seireitei is in the center, with the districts counting out until the central 46 got to the outer edge they could theoretically get forces and/or emergency food to in under a month and declared everything after that "District 80" AKA "You're on your own" No taxes are collected in the 80th district and people who don't want to deal with the soul society government often try to strike it on their own out there.

Each of those little rectangles is a district, and each of them has approximately the same number of people living in it- the lower districts are densely populated and, due to their proximity to the Seireitei, well-developed. The districts generally get less developed and less densely populated as you get farter from the center, but this varies wildly by the competence of that district's Daimyo or Governor. West 51 is a much more developed district than it's position would dictate, because it's Daimyo is canny and made good use of it's mineral resources and position in inter-mountain shipping. South 14 Should be one of the nicest districts, but their Governor is a moron who keeps picking fights with the neighboring districts like he's allowed to annex them, and the district has been sanctioned from hell to breakfast over it.

Gotei-13 / Court Guard Squads:

Sort of the executive branch of the Central 46, founded out of Yamamoto's gang of criminals he rounded up to deal with the Quincy invasion back when Rome was collapsing. So the court guard acts out the orders of the Central 46, and *theoretically* has authority over the noble houses and provincial governors, but they are pretty much constantly dancing on the edge of another warring states period, so things can get... tricky.

ALSO DID NOT HELP that The Monk who guards what's left of the Soul King came down from the Royal Realm and foisted a bunch of trans-dimensional responsibilities onto them but the Specific duties of the 13 court guards in AEIWAM are as follows:

(It's worth noting that the order of the court guard squads was determined literally by the order that the 12 criminals signed the agreement with Yamamoto to protect the seireitei, not the order of importance)

Division 1: ADMINISTRATION Oh god there is so much coordination to do between the central 46, the running of internal affairs, recruitment, training new shinigami, coordinating assignments that take more than one division's input. securing and distributing funding, etc. It's main jobs are: assigning work based on policy from the central 46, running the Shinigami Academy, and actually running the Gotei-13.

Division 2: SPY SHIT Gotei-13 is a shady-ass organization with a lot of enemies and that's not about to change. The second division is responsible for keeping an eye on the provinces and noble houses and anything else of interest, "Handling things quietly" for the Gotei-13, and preventing the Central 46 from being corrupted or assassinated. The Shihon Clan has historically held the captainacy of the 2nd division as part of the compromise Yamamoto struck with the noble houses at the founding of the court guard squads to end the civil wars- that each of the 4 noble houses would hold a captain's position, until the noble houses fell apart or the court guard did. This gave the Shihon clan a GREAT incentive to undermine the shit out of other noble houses, and Yamamoto gave them his blessing to do so. Ironically, the Shihon clan was one of the first to collapse.

Division 3: INTERNAL AFFAIRS Law Enforcement, but specifically the Seireitei and shinigami/martial court/jail. The court guard kind of lives and dies by how much it's respected* and it's essential the Gotei-13 follow strict ethical standards and also a tight adherence to authority lest one of the squads break off and start a civil war. Accepting Bribes and Defying Orders are much more severe crimes than say, excessive collateral damage. The 3rd division is responsible for investigating complaints, mediating disputes between divisions, and generally making sure everyone is behaving properly. *By the noble houses, Daimyos and central 46. The average civilian? not so much.

Division 4 Medical This division was actually the FIRST established, even before the court guard really became Squads. It was Chigiri and her pack of field surgeons that commanded Yamamoto's respect and gave him the idea of letting the other criminals have minions too. 4th divison is responsible for maintaining the health of the court guard- not just emergency medicine, but vaccinations, post-service medical care, and civil sanitation- keeping the streets clean and water safe is the #1 way to prevent deaths. Until recently, this meant a lot of trained medics were doing a lot of grunt work, until Zaraki, a guy from districts where Dysentery is still the #1 killer, successful argued a proposal to Unohana that her medics should be managing other, less-in-demand squads doing the labor, which would get the jobs done a hell of a lot faster, and not back up triage as much. Unohana, who had previously not *trusted* other squads to do the work reliably, finally relented and accepted some damn help.

Division 5: Rukongai Affairs The 5th division is responsible for coordinating efforts between the Gotei-13 and the Provincial Governors- Hollow Eradication, Disaster Relief, additional armed forces to help local police, Helping distribute grain to mitigate famine, etc.

Division 6: External Affairs Responsible for representing the Gotei-13 to other groups and dealing with Noble House Bullshit specifically. While Noble House Bullshit is 95% of what they do, but technically, they're also responsible for handling diplomatic relations with the Beastfolk in the eastern districts, Las Noches after the winter war in the west, Any Kami that might come through, and Hell, if they ever get a line open. The Kuchiki family has held the 6th Division captaincy for generations as a peacekeeping measure between the gotei-13 and the noble houses.

Division 7: Incoming Souls The reason the soul society doesn't reunite people with their families when they die is that they do not actually have control over who reincarnates as themselves (and if they retain their memories), who is reborn as a baby in the spirit world, and what district they get assigned to- that's all decided at the moment of a Soul's death by Hell, using a Metric the Shinigami can only guess at. That said, the 7th still can do a lot- Souls that had to be cleansed with Konsho go through the 7th division and are escorted to their assigned districts. Other, non-hollowfied but odd case souls will end up in the pocket dimension that serves as the queue into the afterlife- people with high spiritual power, animals that achieved personhood in the world of the living and other nonhuman persons, and somtimes spirits who were almost certainly supposed to go to a different afterlife all come through. The 7th division is also charged with keeping a running tally on important statistics like the relative balance between souls, who got hollowfied and why, collecting data on who goes to hell when konsho is prefromed on them and why, and other data to try and work out Hell's metric backwards.

Division 8: Income and Funding The court guard squads are... kind of taxpayer funded. The Daimyos collect taxes from civilians, they pay those taxes to the central 46, and the central 46 disburses some of that money to the Gotei-13, but the truth is, for all the duties they're expected to preform, they're wildly underfunded. So the court guard has had to get... inventive to make sure everyone gets paid and they can do what they need to. Investments in industries, ownership of weird land grants, taking out loans, selling merchandise and straight-up schmooze have all been used by the 8th division to make sure the bills get paid. Shunsui is, by that measure, the best captain the division has ever had- he's shrewd and had astonishingly good luck when it comes to finances so there hasn't been a pay strike since he took over. Probably his best idea was handing the branding and product design of the Gikon to the Shinigami Women's Association- that one paid mad dividends.

Division 9: Information Services The ninth division is most famously home to the Seireitei's first and most largely-ciculated newspaper, but it's also the records office, PAYROLL, library, document archives, data collection and data analytics. Also, tech support. Also also: manage all the arts programs, propaganda and festivals. This is why Kaname was load-bearing to Aizen's plan.

Division 10: Living World Affairs The 10th division was responsible for monitoring the living world- mostly keeping track of hollow appearances, but also: what the remaining Quincies are up to, reporting back on useful technological advancements, any other weird shit that turns up there, and keeping track of all the Shinigami on deployment to the living world (mostly 10th division but the post-war population boom means every division's having to chip in now.

Division 11: Emergency/Heavy Deployment Every time the Gotei-13 had to do some heavy lifting, it's the 11th division's job. Mass outbreak of hollows? 11th's job. Emergency Dam repair to prevent a flood? 11th division muscle time. Daimyo got funny ideas about conquering a neighboring district? 11th division. Funcking Quincies again? 11th division. Rampaging Kami afflicted by a terrible curse? you know who to call. This was the SECOND Division to be founded, because the actual sentence that came out of Yamamoto's mouth was "Chigiri, you and your gremlins put my guts back in, Yachiru, round up some assholes and DEAL WITH THAT FUCKING THING." and the 11th's prerogative and hiring practices have not changed since. Since the 11th's work is more intermittent, there are long periods between jobs for them, and it's only recently they've been allowed to pitch in on regular maintenance and rehabilitate their reputation as a bunch of lazy degenerates.

Divison 12: Supplies (more recently, Research and Development) Prior to Kisuke Urahara's weird science boner, the 12th Division's primary job was the manufacture and supply of everything the Shinigami would need to do their jobs. Uniforms, Gigai, medical supplies, communicators, rations, Gikon, the actual buildings in the Seireitei, bedding, Protective gear- if a Shinigami received it for their job, it was made by the 12th division. Despite previous captain Kirio Hikifune being the most accomplished chef in the history of Soul Society, it's Mayuri that has made the most profound mark on Soul Society Cuisine with the fast-prepared, acceptable-tasting and surprisingly nutritious meals he developed to deal with the mass influx of souls after WW2, and the franchise distribution centers combined with his attempts at children's educational programming mean that Mayuri occupies a cultural niche in Soul Society not unlike Krusty The Clown.

Division 13: Magical Research, Kido Corps Until recently, the Kido Corps was a seperate division governed under the purview of the central 46, and the 13th division was doing it's research into Hado, Bakudo and Haikido independently, but as the two organizations worked increasingly closely together, they began to share more until the catastrophic events of Turn Back The Pendulum left the Kido Corps severely depleted and without leadership, at which point Yamamoto persuaded the central 46 to let the 13th division absorb the rest of the Kido corps and take on their work.

So that's how the government in Soul Society is SUPPOSESD to work.