#i still have this blog open
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DPXDC Prompt #94
Danny falls through a portal to the DC world from a natural portal that opened up while he was in mid fight with Skulker a fight that began at Vlads where the creep put a collar on Danny that kept him in ghost form, Vlad thought he’d force Danny to reveal his secret to his parents by taking away his human form. Looking around he’s in a dark city with dark smog colored skies. Unfortunately he’s stuck here as the portal closed leaving him trapped. He tried to find help but no one can see him in his ghost form. He starts tailing the vigilantes of this world and eventually follows one onto this space station through this tube (possessing inanimate objects sure comes in handy). He wasn’t expecting for the random British guy in a trench coat to see him.
#dp x dc prompt#dp x dc#dc x dp#danny fenton#danny phantom#writing prompt#poor danny#What if no one could see Danny like deadman#Danny is stuck in ghost form#Constantine has a headache especially from the ghost king that has apparently been tailing Batman for a week#ghost king danny#Batman had a feeling he was being tailed but it’s hard to prove when nothing is amiss#my asks are open#More Minty lore? Sure!#Honestly no one in my family knows I love Danny Phantom so I only own a glitch in time#It’s still my favorite show from the 2000s but at this point that probably has more to do with the phandom#I’d also like to reveal my DP inspired world soon but I have no clue how to go about it#Should I start a new blog? Or should I just post it here? This blog is meant for everything but I don’t want to bog it down#So that’s my rant take it or leave it but you can’t unread it!! Thanks for reading have a great day!
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:) may or may not be working on something @askperry
#phineas and ferb#perry the platypus#heinz doofenshmirtz#phineas flynn#ferb fletcher#pnf#perryshmirtz#i did not actually want to announce this is something im working on yet#but i needed to post the images somewhere i could use the url of them for the blog theme that wont break like discord has been done lol#askperry#my art#also i miss apf fiercely but have new and different ideas now so. relaunch Baybeeeeeeeeeeee#THE ASK BOX IS NOT OPEN YET BTW I AM STILL SETTING UP SOBS but hopefully soon
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kb/ms is truly transcendental yaoi, spectacular, amazing, 10/10, no notes ... from the perspective of a mithrun enjoyer
as a kabru enjoyer, however...
I'll start off by saying that of course Kabru doesn't want or need a romantic relationship to be fulfilled, especially not with a white man, none of them do, it's all non-canon, Dungeon Meshi isn't about romance or shipping, yes yes yes, but none of us are here for that right now!! We're here to fruitlessly argue why my blorbos kissing makes more sense than your blorbos kissing!! You know it, I know it, none of us are free of cringe!! Clown on clown violence!!
That being said ... 🤡
I just don't see what Kabru gets out of kb/ms. With Mithrun, it makes sense; Kabru has a huge impact on him and ultimately helps him reaffirm his will to live. That's very exquisite drama and excellent character writing. But with Kabru, I just don't feel that Mithrun's character interacts with his personal flaws and would instigate his growth anywhere close to the same degree. I have to imagine most fics involving them focus more on Mithrun's baggage and how Kabru helps him heal from that ... because that's mostly all that happens between them in the main story, lol!
And like, that makes sense, because ultimately chapters 61-62 aren't about Kabru and Mithrun; they're about Kabru working through his conflicted feelings in helping Laios conquer the dungeon. I think it's ironic seeing people complain about kb/ms having Kabru be Mithrun's accessory when, if anything, Mithrun's main narrative purpose, outside of illustrating the danger of the Winged Lion, is to serve as Kabru's obstacle. I'd even argue Mithrun represents Kabru's personal bad ending; Mithrun wants him to kill Laios and surrender the dungeon to the canaries, preventing the short-lived races from ever understanding how dungeons function and returning to the status quo that had gotten Utaya destroyed. It's only when Laios practically forces Kabru, straight up puts his thumbs to the screws, to work past his reticence and be emotionally vulnerable that Kabru finally puts himself on the right path to achieve his goals (it's, uh, still a bit of a bumpy ride, but they get there in the end, lol!). If he'd been this way with Laios from the beginning, he might have understood Laios' intentions from the start and saved himself a lot of pain, but it's only because of Laios' influence that Kabru is able to grow as a character and get his happy ending.
(And even if one were a Mithrun enjoyer, ultimately the main source of Mithrun's life affirmation comes from the canaries. In that final scene, Kabru gets the ball rolling because he's outside of the canary hierarchy, but the scene ends with Mithrun being embraced by the canaries and as far as I'm aware the two don't interact with or reference each other post canon at all. Hell, it's Senshi who really drives the point home. Not that it matters when we're all wearing shipping goggles here, but it felt remiss not to mention it.)
At most, I can see how taking care of Mithrun would force Kabru to reexamine how poorly he takes care of his own body and that could make for some good drama. But even then, that change is ultimately instigated by Laios' influence on him, an extension of how Kabru wants to understand how Laios can see the value in monsters in an attempt to better understand his own trauma. If a person were to get into Dungeon Meshi specifically for Kabru and wanted to ship him with someone in a way that's most interesting for him, I'd be hard-pressed to argue there's a better choice than Laios (although who'd be cringe enough to do something like that haha right guys ... [sweating])
(Side note, though, I really don't vibe with the argument that kb/ms "reduces Kabru to a caretaker role" and that's why it's bad. There's plenty of instances where Kabru shoulders his friends' burdens (helps Kuro learn common tongue, listens to Daya's fiance about his relationship troubles, etc) and, more importantly, is seemingly happy to do so. I think Kabru genuinely enjoys looking after his friends and in the story seems to find plenty of personal satisfaction getting Mithrun to eat. I understand it has the potential to be more troubling considering Kabru is a brown man and Mithrun is a white man, but idk, it just feels on the same level as people trying to discount labru by saying Laios wouldn't take enough of an interest in people to want to start a romantic relationship, when his whole thing is that he does want to connect with people and just feels like he can't. It's not a bone I feel like picking, haha)
I honesty don't mind characters being "mischaracterized" in fandom or fic even to a large degree, I know it bugs a lot of people but I respect that ultimately fandom is little more than picking up the vague outline of a doll and playing with it and mashing their faces together. Besides, if I'm really worked up about it I can just write a fic and set the record straight myself, haha. This post is merely inspired by the supremely annoying subsection of twitter that acts like labru is the ship where it's just two dudes sitting in a room together. I'm just saying, Kabru ends the series whispering into the ear of another man as his day job and it's not Mithrun lmao
#fandom wank#wank wanky fandom wank#thought you'd cringed at the last of me didn't you#sorry im a hater lmao#idk yall remember my opening note in 'nourish'#where i talked about how sometimes ships are your blorbo and the character they're closest to in canon#that was me throwing shade haha#stone-shaped shade in my delicate glass house#but shade nonetheless lmao#can't relate to people who are like 'nooooo don't fight about ships you guysss' like NO i wanna fight actually i think it's funny#kabru DOES only have one hand actually and the other one's holding the castle itinerary 😤#but only through absurd shitposts or overly long essays on your own blog like you still need to follow etiquette#people who send hate are losers who can't write or draw to cope#meanwhile i ship and write fics like it's a competitive sport i can win lol
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2nd batch of sourdough! Lots better than the first, actually got some crumb structure this time (bc the starter is finally ready for bread)
#it's 70% hydration 20% starter and 16h bulk fermentation & 6h of proofing#I think I like the 70% hydration for now#it's still enough moisture to get that open structure but easy to work with#(hydration is the thing that makes the crumb structure open&tender so kind of the higher hydration dough u have the better the bread but th#problem with high-hydration dough is that it's real hard to work with so gotta build some skills before can move onto those#like some professionals even make 100% hydration doughs)#(the percentage is like how much water you have in comparison to the flour: 100% is like if u have 500g of flour you also have add 500g of#water or like 70%: 500g flour and 350g of water)#this is just a 250g of flour one tho bc I live alone and don't want waste/my freezer full of bread#idk if these interest anyone but idc it's my blog I'm going to be posting abt sourdough#should make up a tag for these#elvis bread#it's that one ^^ for now until (if) I can come up with a better one bc my starter is named Elvis#sourdough#april 2024#2024
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My first attempt at writing that's vaguely like poetry: from a dragon
I am not what you think.
I walk around, awkward limbs and flighty mannerisms, and you think I’m strange. You have no idea how strange you would think I am if you only saw what was underneath.
Underneath, I am a creature of the ocean. Something that could never pass as human, and no longer wants to. Saltwater rushes through my veins in secret, silent to everyone but me. To me, it’s a roaring sound of the waves that I have never seen except for within my soul. It yearns to dissolve into the ocean like it could long ago, but for now those days are over and I am hidden underneath skin and muscle.
Underneath, there are wings; fins; antlers. They ache to tear from my back, through my skull. Nonetheless, they stay hidden for me, safe in the silence. Protected like I protected my kin in a lifetime so close to the surface and yet unreachable. Wrapped in a form that no longer coils around them like a serpent, but keeps them hidden from predators well enough I suppose.
I suppose.
I accept my form reluctantly and do what I can to make it mine. I shape it to feel better when I discover my gender, and when I can’t shape it to fit my true self I cover it in things that feel a little more like home. A little more draconic. A little more like the ocean that I never have seen, but feel homesick for anyway.
I do find joy in being in this body, at least. Out there, there are others. Angels working minimum wage, dragons sitting on a park bench, wolves buying groceries. We hide, but we do so to be free. We walk through crowds, and no one notices our scales and fur and feathers. But we do. We see each other, even if from miles away, and we see what’s underneath.
And underneath, none of us are what you think.
(Tags for side commentary/context)
#not looking for even constructive criticism since this is literally my first ever writing that isn't fiction or just a vague ramble#at least the first that I finished#I'm not calling it poetry bc that feels too fancy#this is a ramble that's shaped like poetry#because I'm such an open book type of person to the point that some people have called me “so brave for being open” about things#which I still genuinely don't understand bc bro I'm just talking about being autistic and queer and shit like if you had issues with that#I would tell you to fight me#but that aside#it's become an issue that I can't talk about my otherkinity irl to most people#like it'd be unsafe and all that jazz#so this was sort of about that#and sort of just a general exploration of my draconity for fun#and sort of a shoutout to the otherkin community for making me feel normal about it#bc otherwise I'd feel like a freak and be miserable right about now#otherkin#alterhuman#nonhuman#dragonkin#otherkin blog#otherkinity#therian#otherkin community#amphitere kin#it feels too dramatic or smth but that's just the tone I write this type of shit in so???? ehhhh fuck it#I'm not looking to make GOOD writing#I'm looking to write that's it#(also I'm not fishing for compliments in the slightest I'm legit writing that down so my ADHD ass remembers to not judge my writing later)#not sure if i should tag a tw but like#body horror tw#? I think?
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I want to see the baby photos or I will die
The Conservator: Haha, alright, I will show you the baby pictures, though I do not need much convincing to show these pictures.
The Conservator: These are my older siblings, Compelor and Copyist. By the time I was born they had been adults for quite some time, so I never got to see them like this, or as children at all, but when I was small, I asked father what they were like when they were my age and he showed me these pictures and told me about them.
The Conservator: This is me, another picture father showed me. All the picture of me as a baby and child make me look very sad, though I think that is just how my face looks when I am not actively smiling.
The Conservator: This is the first image that I was able to get myself. When father was not busy caring for zir, I would hold and carry the Cataloger as much as I could. Ze was so small, I could carry zir in the palm of my hand. Ze spent a lot of time asleep, and was not very fussy.
The Conservator: And this is a picture of my youngest sibling, the Cartologist. E was such a cute, chubby little baby, and e loved being held so much. I think everyone also enjoyed carrying him, he was so affectionate, extremely huggy.
#toh#the owl house#ask blog#ask the archivists#asks are open#id in alt text#toh oc#meteor shower event#Man have I mentioned how much this event still going on is driving me insane#I need to see it through to the end but MAN me taking all those breaks in June and July is kicking my ass#Maybe if I focus I can nyoom through this#still have one little thing I want to touch on with the conservator before switching to the next cousin#anyways LOOK AT THESE CUTE LITTLE BABIES
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I commissioned this lovely art from @drawsmaddy as a companion piece to my loveletters fic and I'm over the moon about it! 💗🤖
(FRIDA is the one who styled FCG's wires this particular way at Jaquoby's. I will die on this hill.)
#critical role#cr3#bells hells#loveletters#fresh cut grass#f.r.i.d.a.#far-ranging integrated defense aeormaton#fcg/frida#campaign 3#go check out drawsmaddy's blog!!!!! i believe they still have one slot open for comms and they're wonderful to work with!!!!!#these robits have taken over my brain help...................#fic art
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Thinking about my old pkmn ask blog
#I’m not really active in the community anymore but more because I grew away from it#I think about coming back a lot but Im not really sure what id do lol. I mean I think my storytelling and writing#skills have somewhat improved. but i still really really suck at making endings#although maybe I could make it like something that resolves the main problem and then just open for any interactions..#….fuck. I’m actually considering it now. I love impulsiveness 🧍#ugh but the other problem was that I would slowly stop updating as the dopamine slowed down and then just abandoned it altogether#multiple times in fact. since I’m the one making the content and not consuming it eeeuuhhgggghuhuhhhhhhh#this lil guy was supposed to have a story around his estranged family and his own problem with identity. I think I could still pick it up#i suck at writing edgy aloof dialogue so it always felt a little stilted or off when I wrote his dialogue. but I love him#myart#my art#oc#pokemon ask blog#pokeask#moss eevee#pokemon
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Hi, most of my patreons come from tumblr i think so I'll just say it here.
sorry for the radio silence, so many things happened since june. I'll start posting again this month both here and on my patreon.
Thanks for sticking around despite the lack of updates. I'll make sure to make it up to you! Please look forward to it :) ily all
#things are slowly getting better#in the meantime ill finish stuff that never got to see the light of day#and work on new stuff#so do let me know what you would like to see both on my blog or patreon!#my commissions are still open but if you have a request do leave it on my askbox in case it gets me back on track#god knows i need all the inspiration i can get right now#sorry for the long absence too
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Been thinking about a few things… (don’t actually send in asks to Henry, this is a test if people would wanna see an ask blog from me)
#thsc#thsc fanart#the henry stickmin collection#henry stickmin#henry stickmin fanart#welllll?#opinions?#these panels wouldn’t actually be the start of the blog lol#I have a different opening planned#but I drew these when I was still in the ideating phase
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Hello again everyone! I may have forgotten that this blog even existed. 😅
There are a plethora of reasons that have dragged my attention away from this account that happened over the past few weeks that made me forget to even open up this account, but alas, such is the way with real life I'm afraid. 😔
Luckily, Stanley reminded me of this accounts existence! So, you have him to thank for my return.
I shall do my best to get to the poor forgotten asks sent into my inbox that has been collecting dust, however! With Oswin now busy with his studies, I figure I should grace you all with my presence once more. 🥰
In the meantime however, let me show you something Oswin set up for me that I found interesting!
Oswin's been getting into this video game called "UltraKill" as of late. He showed me the first few levels of the game, and as thrilling and heart-racing as it was, I wasn't hooked yet in terms of gameplay.
That was, until he showed me the endless fighting mode.
He took the assets from the Parable into this game, and told me to just let my frustrations out.
Suffice to say, I love this this mode dearly. Oddly enough, I actually feel calmer after going through a few waves of enemies! Simply letting the music and violence sway me as I hop and run around and kill was quite fun! Though I may not know how to use the other weapons well as much as the first weapon given to the player, I still found it enjoyable. 😊
Aside from this however, I do have other things to share with you about! But I shall save them for later. I can't exactly share everything I have to offer all at once! There's got to be some suspense here and there!
#the stanley parable#narrator tsp#tsp#rp#tsp rp#tsp narrator#(ooc: hello yea i forgot abt this blog highkey)#(mb yall. past few months have been real shitty. and art school is intense)#(however i do wanna get thru the asks already in there. as well as do more random narry yapping posts akjsdh)#(also. lmk what tags i should use for this blog. since its an ask blog. i dont wanna flood any basic narrator tags with my posts)#(anywho. see yall skdjfh)#(asks are still open btw. ill try n get thru em aksjhd)#virgil jameson#ask blog#rp blog
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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MMMKAY FUCK IT BEING MORE OPEN ON THIS BLOG LETS FUCKING TRY THIS IG?!??
Anyways also fun thing I've been fucking wanting to tell ppl like. For awhileee is that one if the things I love abt kamojis is that there r several just stimming ones like this pic
Voila:
((o(^∇^)o))
(((o(*゚∀゚*)o)))
((o( ̄ー ̄)o))
O(≧∇≦)O
o(>∀<*)o
(There r more I can't remeber now but. Yeah.)
#is it obvious idk how to. be open v much. (its the. lots of thimgs actually-)#anyways this is. honesty prob jst gonna be me rbing more of my mutuals posts with actually messages instead of just#silently checking in on them .#nd being a little more open nd silly#idk#might still make another side blog thatll be like. a bsd rp oc or smthinf to project on hard but yeah.#:]#also prob gonna. try to use kamojis more actually bcs i rlly rlly like them its just a lot of the time they have blushes and i get.#v scared of being misunderstood! (despite being a fucking insanely easy embarrassed/shame blusher irl-)#enea rambles <3#lol#:3#eneas poor mental health jumpscare :]#probably.
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AC1 haters are so funny because they’re always like “it’s so poorly designed! Why is it so repetitive!!” Like huh I wonder if the ruthless structured efficiency with which we’re expected to carry out our assassinations has anything to do with any Lessons Altair learns over the course of the game 🤔🤔🤔
#also the game Is 15 fucking years old and a trailblazer for 3D open worlds like#of course it’s gonna be a little rough around the edges???#also sure the investigations may be repetitive but like#they’re still fun#like hoesntly i find most people who hate ac1 just don’t want to engage with any of the ideas it’s going for#which is fine you can have your own tastes#but shaming the game for not being for you is so petty#maybe I’m petty too ig but it’s my blog so I’m right ❤️#anyways Altair would solo your fave!!!#assassin’s creed#ac1#asscreed
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That's everything guys!!!
This blog is complete now, I've finished archiving every Sai appearance from his introduction to the ending of Naruto Shippuden (to my best ability at least, there's always a possibility I lost or forgot a panel or two somewhere along the way).
It's really nice getting to see it finished, there's way more posts than it felt like while I was making them!!! I'm happy I made it all the way to the end, but I'm also sad because running this blog has been so much fun.... I'm really gonna miss it 🥺
Thank you so much to all of you who sent nice messages and left funny tags and replies, I had a great time reading all of them. I'm glad we could spread some Sai appreciation together ❤️❤️❤️
#not sai#I'll be leaving my askbox open btw so please feel free to send messages if you ever have questions or anything!!#this is a sideblog and I use tumblr regularly so I'll still be around 🫶#and I've got 1 surprise post in the queue for tomorrow jsjdfs#(also random fun fact but this blog ran for almost exactly a year purely by coincidence!)
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Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me
oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?
i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had
what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism
but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"
because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison
if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will
i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling
and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?
i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.
but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it
and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself
sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla
#just finished watching the movie and i had actually forgotten but at the end shes a vampire again!#they totally gave us a super great opening for more conflict to explore hollstein's relationship#bc carmilla sort of puts closure to her past by taking responsibility for her part in it and it makes her a vampire again#and laura is like 'dont give up on our life together' and shes like 'im not giving up on anything!'#and laura is like 'we're supposed to live and get old and have grandkids how are we gonna do that if you dont age'#so thats a great set up#im putting the fic im writing i think another 5 years in the future#bc the movie is 5 years from the end of the series and im doing another 5 years so it's 2024#but theres so much opportunity to play there. theres conflict. tehres problems to solve. but theyre in a good place#i dont think they ever specify how vampires are made in this universe#therees some posts on carmillas blog where she responds to asks abt why she doesnt turn laura or if she would#and she just says 'you have no idea how this works'#but that was still during the series and the writers obviously wanted to keep their options open and their writing cards a bit closer to#the chest#but at this point you could make laura a vampire#you could explore that. see how they both feel abt that. would bea difficult decision#theyre also not married yet in the movie#they celebrate carmilla's 'rebirthday' where she turned human again#you could do a thing where they turn laura on that same day. sort of make that their wedding#not an easy decision i think. i think it would take a lot of discussion to get them there but not impossible#and would be fun to explore. both their feelings abt all that. and like anotehr 5 years in the future where they are in their lives#idk idk. brainstorming#thanks for giving me an opportunity to infodump a little :)#carmillaposting
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