#i still HATE proof reading

[madeofmosaic]

'the desire to you' a.k.a. i wrote a poem about my ex, cuz she gave me too much trauma

I get over stuff too quickly.

or maybe I never get over anything.

it might take only a night, maybe a few days, perhaps it’ll haunt me on a specific day for a few months.

maybe I only get over it while I’m dreaming.

possibly it’ll come to my mind a few years later, but I’d be over it by then.

would it ever be the same with you?

only a distant memory in my head.

or maybe a way too close one.

but why is the only thing I can’t put behind me is you?

maybe the past you still walks alongside me.

I might have forgotten the way you talk, the sound of your voice.

I wonder if I could still recognize it out of other 100 voices.

the feeling of your lips on mine is long forgotten.

long forgotten and hated, but sometimes I wish I could remember your taste.

I wouldn’t be able to read your body language any more,

nor notice the patterns in your speech.

maybe I was never able to.

I don’t think I’d be able to recognize your room or the way you dress.

perhaps I’m the only one who can’t move on.

I wonder if I looked into your closet, would I find my hoodie at the back of it.

or did you throw it out?

it took me courage, but I threw out yours after maybe a year of you giving it to me.

it was always at the back of the closet and at the back of my mind, along with you.

even though I forgot a lot, there’s quite a few I can remember.

they’re too golden to me to forget.

I’ll never forget the way you acted, sometimes so sweet yet sometimes so distant.

makes me think you never loved me.

maybe all the times you bought me things, said kind words and send cute videos were all part of a façade.

I want to know why would you do this to someone.

perhaps I was too naïve,

to be with you twice.

perhaps we were both young and stupid and so desperate to love someone.

although you loved so much people, you ran out of love to give to me.

maybe I just gave more love than you needed,

and you gave love a lot less than I needed.

ware the kisses you gave me when we weren’t even together a joke to you?

did you use me for your own satisfaction?

do you too wish that I’ve never sat next to you at lunch on that day?

you were the first and possibly the last person I’ve ever loved.

I can’t decide that if I could ever change the outcome of all this,

would my desire to feel your love again,

over power my hatred towards you?

[dekusleftsock]

I think that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what exactly is…happening with Izuku’s character. Specifically in regards to chapter 425.

I’m glad that a lot more people generally recognize that Izuku is not a character that can be read at a surface level, given that he’s both a repressed person with built up emotion of basically everything and also a very glaringly HUGELY unreliable narrator, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with the ways I’ve seen this most recent chapter spoken about.

I see posts, comments, etc with ideas like “Izuku don’t suppress your emotions! Open up with people! It’ll be okay I promise!” When that’s fundamentally not what is happening here.

There’s always always ALWAYS been a distinct difference in character throughout horikoshi’s writing when he is showing that a character is:

A—Avoiding emotions, thoughts, ideas less than ideal for them. Not opening up when they probably should about their problems given that they’ve been handed the space to do so. Just genuinely not acknowledging, feeling, or expressing emotions that they don’t want.

B—Reflecting on the ways they feel about the world, themselves, or other people given their new perspective on a situation. Not outright reaching out to others to talk about these problems/feelings, but instead waiting until the moment they feel they have the most confidence to do so with their new outlook on their own life.

And genuinely, guys, to grab your BkDk attention rn, this is the exact reason why Ochako’s reflection on her feelings for Izuku and thereafter decision to pull away from them WAS NEVER GOING TO END IN OCHAKO EXPLODING WITH HER LOVE FOR HIM.

This was another common interpretation I saw of Ochako and Izuocha for a long time. That because she pushed these feelings away, they were somehow going to explode in this unbelievable way and she would “get the boy” because of it. That her arc would surround accepting her romantic feelings and that she can’t just push away how she feels for a career.

But yk. That didn’t happen. At all. Nowhere close even.

The same kind of goes for Katsuki, allmight, etc. They all had moments in their arc where it was spent genuinely reflecting, and the only reason we as the audience never connected it in the same ways we do ochako or Izuku was ALWAYS BECAUSE the narrative showed their inner thoughts while doing so (mostly because Allmight’s arc after losing OFA and Katsuki’s arc on what it means to be a hero were so intrinsically tied, both starting at the same time and ending at the same time during the final war. And because they were so tied this caused their own reflections, development, and thought process to be broadcasted to us frequently throughout their arcs… to each other. They also somewhat shared aspects with Izuku, but these were cherry picked more often than not, like dvk2 for example).

To us Katsuki never seemed to be.. idk, suppressing his anger in any way because we were always told what he was doing and why (side note: this is why I’ve always thought arguments against Katsuki were so weird, bc unlike characters like endeavor or Ochako he wasn’t like… hiding who he was and how he was changing. Ever. Like the audience knows at all times past basically season 3 what Katsuki is thinking and doing. Like how do you watch this happen, stare me dead in the eye, and tell me how much of a terrible and awful teenage boy he is. Like damn I didn’t think we were this dumb. This is also my theory as to why he’s most popular, his arc is very… in your face if that makes sense). Katsuki’s entire mini arc on reflecting his mistakes and his childhood and his future is spent TELLING YOU that it’s what he’s doing. (I’m referring mostly to the endeavor internship arc, the provisional license exam makeup, and basically everything in the war arc related to him leading up to bakugou Katsuki rising here)

And see, Horikoshi will stare you dead in the eye, tell you “this girl has taken into consideration that she doesn’t want to waste her time training her career focusing on a boy because he kinda caught her fancy”, and y’all will still say that this will explode in her face.

Y’all this is a series about learning how to manage emotions, maturity in relationship to one’s emotions, how to feel an emotion, but in a way that is helpful. Horikoshi isn’t telling you “go buck wild, feel everything all the time and always express it”, in fact he explores why you DONT do that! Through Toga or Shigaraki, they show how grief and anger can genuinely consume you. But he also shows why you shouldn’t just put everything in a box to never look at or acknowledge, or why you shouldn’t just let your grief destroy the world around you, or pretending that some emotions simply don’t exist.

I can’t say this enough, so let me say it now, mha is about the extremes of your psyche. That you should control something, but not too much. Everything can be harmful. Everything can be good.

Izuku is not controlling too much, he’s expressing just enough.

I LOVE shaming this dickhead at all times in all my posts. I love saying he’s an ignorant dipshit with a weird amount of distaste for a girl who just confessed to him. I’ve joked that chapter 348 is basically an entire chapter spent on Izuku calling Himiko a mean dyke. And yet I also believe he’s doing nothing WRONG here.

In fact, I’ll even say that this moment right here?

ISNT EVEN IZUKU DOING THE SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE THING ABOUT IT! But he’s still TRYING to reach out to someone he thinks MIGHT be able to understand. (And frankly, this moment is far deeper than what it’s being made out to be, to me it reads more like an unrequited friendship that Izuku both desires and has thought of them to have, while simultaneously showing the distance Ochako has successfully wedged between them for her own sake. Maybe it was always there though, maybe in weird, miscommunicated Horikoshi fashion, this is a representation of how Ochako always read all those “fun friend hangouts” as a little more than that, and without those feelings the friendship never really held any substance to her in the first place. Where Izuku saw his first real friend at UA, she saw little more than acquaintance)

Simultaneously, Izuku is genuinely reflecting on what it means for the world to change, to be a hero, to live after loss—and trying and failing to gain the connection he desires from individuals who can not and will not afford him that.

Izuku is ready for the world to change, a few select characters are also ready for the world to change (mirio, for example), but not nearly enough are. So maybe I’ll have to take this back if I’m proven wrong and I accidentally looked into this far past what everyone else did for no reason, but I genuinely believe with moments like this

And this

Aand this

That Izuku has come forward with that aspect of his character development. He’s reflecting on his new beliefs, not repressing his emotions for them.

[angy-grrr]

oh I hate, hate, HATE how some mlw shippers act like they are targeted and oppressed; I hate hate HATE canon!izu///ocha because I genuinely believe it’s harmful for the characters (yes, it does reduce her to a love interest as her character would get fulfilled only by confessing and dating him, instead of accepting her feelings and guilt/mourning for not saving Himiko and still work into reach out to others; it reduces their whole story into “love this boy” and it’s disrespectful towards them as if she is a better girl, an actual good one that deserves to be dating the guy they both like; it would ignore the weirdness Ochako felt when she was liking him, and how the only times she was able to not feel something negative towards it was when she was admiring something heroic/cool he was doing; it literally sends the message of the story not being over unless girl and boy date, even if girl and boy never wanted to get closer to each other like that; it ignores Ochako’s heroism, it ignores her drive to be a better hero and how her storyline is about accepting her own negative emotions without isolating herself, to be able to rely on others like Izuku and Tsuyu; if this ends with them dating, it means her story was about accepting to learn that her heroic actions that involve him, like saving him, aren’t actually heroic, just romantic, and to accept that her greatest heroism is just her liking him; this was never about her needing to confess but about being envy of him and Himiko for showing their faces more than her, for feeling like she is so far behind and not wanting to bother others with her sadness. It would mean her story can’t end accepting her feelings and choosing to stay single/not dating him, it would mean Izuku’s story can’t end without getting a girl just because she likes him even tho we clearly see he doesn’t think about romance when he’s with her or tries to support her, there’s no togetherness about them but a common objective and goal to support others, and I think that’s way better than girl and boy get married; it would literally mean Ochako’s heroism is based on her love for him, not her having the heart of the hero too when the point is she is like him, helping everyone and putting everyone else over themselves).

[painted-bees]

Being ADHD(+ rsd) and having friends & customers who do not mask their autism by preforming ‘neurotypical’ emotional responses--is a very healing thing once I properly realized “oh, the flat tone doesn’t mean they hate me and my work. When they say ‘Thanks. I love it.’ or ‘yeah, fun.’ they mean it at total face value!” The number of times my rsd has started to flare up before my conscious is like ‘autism-!’ it’s like...a calming weighted blanket on my nerves. I can trust that there’s no disappointment to read in between the lines of their tone.

[spongek-squidge]

You know what, I’ve done some character development, I’ve finished the current character arc, so here’s an updated version of…

My feelings on Demetrius (as a Maru lover)

Let’s begin with the basics: Demetrius to me feels like a nerdy, socially constipated dad who doesn’t know how to talk to people. Is this partially down to his almost definite autism? Most porbably, but I also feel he generally prefers to stay indoors with his science experiments which has led to an additional lack of social understanding on top of the initial struggle that typically comes with being autistic regarding understanding social stuff. Ultimately he comes off as a lovable nerd and I get what Robin sees in him.

Speaking of Robin let’s have her have a bit of a say in this, after all she is married to the man! Despite a lot of cutscenes confusing both of them having them bickering, I do think that this is only in cutscenes for a reason: it’s not a common event. Sure, they conflict during misunderstandings and a lack of intimate knowledge about each others interests (simply due to the fact they both are quite content simply doing their own thing most the time) but during their regular routines they spend an awful amount of time together quite contently! Every time I head up to the mountains in game the pair tend to be standing side by side looking over the valley. It doesn’t seem like they’re saying much but they’re still peacefully hanging around each other. It is clear from this that both of their love languages are quality time, hence why most their interactions are literally just them being around each other rather than any intimidate discussions. All of this is basically just to say that I don’t think Demetrius is a bad husband and he and Robin are a very good pairing, which is nice to see amongst all the other parents in the valley! (Looking at you Pierre and Caroline 👀)

Now let’s get to his relationship with his daughter, Maru. He loves his daughter, plain and simple, he wants what’s best for her and to protect her. However, he does go to far with it a lot and as consequence pushes her away and blocks her from social opportunities. Both her friends in the valley being Penny, the local sweet school teacher, and Harvey, the town doctor who wouldn’t hurt a fly? Highly suspicious, especially given her personality matches very well with people like Sam, the local skater boy. And let’s not forget the Maru 2 heart event, the farmer has basically only just met Maru and is only just getting to know her, yet Demetrius practically threatens them and warns them not to touch his daughter? He could at least wait until they start dating… But, he does it from a place of care. This isn’t to say he’s justified in trying to push away Maru’s new friends, just that his reasoning is not outlandish, in fact it’s rather common (sadly so). He still sees Maru as his baby and wants to protect her a tall costs, though this means that he forgets she’s a grown woman now and is capable of looking after herself, like in her 10 heart event when he tries to catch the farmer in the act of canoodling with his baby girl (even though they are officially dating it’s to be expected). All this to say he does still have a rather good relationship with Maru, they share interests and hobbies and he wants her to thrive in the scientific and engineering routes she so clearly excels at. This makes it easy for him to talk to and bond with Maru, which makes their relationship rather strong. Ultimately, he is a brilliant father to maru in all aspects of her life EXCEPT social.

Now I hear you all saying from the corners of the internet ‘what about Sebastian?’ Well he definitely fucked up in that department. The pair clearly don’t get on well at all, Demetrius never quite respecting Sebastian for who he is and considering him a bad influence on Maru. I imagine this all began when he first started dating Robin, after all explaining why his daddy had left and there was this new stranger in the house would’ve been difficult to explain, especially to a child that was still learning his abcs. In this department both Demetrius and Robin probably fucked up, with clearly neither of them doing a very good job at explaining the prospect of a step-dad to the young Sebastian at a time in his life he probably wouldn’t be very receptive of the concept, purely due to not being able to fully understand what was happening. This would’ve been amplified by the birth of Maru and Demetrius doting on her more and Sebastian feeling abandoned and tossed aside for the new baby due to all the attention she would of gotten, especially from his supposed step-dad Demetrius. While Robin would’ve definitely kept giving Sebastian as much attention as she could, a baby is a handful so she would’ve had to divide her attention up which would’ve fueled the abandonment Sebastian felt at the time. This would be a feeling that continued throughout his entire adolescence, with Maru shining bright as the golden child while Sebastian was deemed a delinquent in the eyes of his step-dad, being over looked in preference of his half-sister. This favouritism by Demetrius has had a massive impact on both Sebastian and Maru. Sebastian was impacted for the reasons previously stated, feeling neglected and abandoned by the only father figure in his life at this point and Maru for creating a rift between her and her brother, someone who she has expressed a deep desire to close the gap with and have a proper relationship between them. While Sebastian would’ve spent most his life pushing Demetrius away, Demetrius did not help that at all, and is ultimately the one mainly at fault for their rocky relationship. He may have tried at some point, given the ‘first time step-dad’ book in his room, but he gave up on Sebastian too soon, leaving Sebastian with one proper parent.

Now how about the farmer? How does he interact with them? Well, he isn’t a bad friend to the farmer at all, giving them the fruit/mushroom cave for free and generally just being his nerdy self during conversations with them. There are times where I get annoyed with him after him being overly protective of neglectful regarding his kids then he goes on a rant about trees or something and it endears me to him. His relationship with the farmer seems mostly to be someone who he can talk to and just info dump whatever scientific information he’s currently focused on to.

Ultimately Demetrius is a significantly flawed character and has bridges to build and people he needs to apologise profusely to, but that doesn’t make him a bad person. Feel free to hold a grudge on him for his attitude towards Sebastian, for his over protectiveness over Maru, for his arguments with his wife, but don’t let that overshadow the rest of the character, as, once again, his flaws don’t make him a bad person. They just make him a shitty step-dad!

[starstruckodysseys]

if my high school spells my last name wrong one more time i’m going to go fucking feral

[itspileofgoodthings]

Porfiry telling Raskolnikov that at least he was honest and in one bound took the furthest leap to put his theory to the test of actual action——

[resident-rats]

I know I said the next chapter would be out at the start of the week but I didn’t manage to post it before the concert and now I feel like I’ve been ran over🕺🏻 so idk maybe around the weekend it’ll be out

[rainingincale]

I keep telling myself im gonna stop talking politically with people and then i do anyways 😭😭 cant bloody help myself 💀

[jorvikzelda]

reading is… frustrating. I first read this thing when I was in an all too foggy state, I’ll think, so I didn’t really absorb it all too well — I’d best read it again and really make sure to take it all in. And so I do, and I really do take it all in! Except then I’ll be all too foggy to read for a few days, and when I get back to it and continue on to the next chapter I’ll just have. Completely forgotten what happened in the last. Makes you feel rather defenceless to the fog

[lizardkingeliot]

it’s been more than 4 months since my last update but i’m almost positive i’m going to be posting the fourth (and final) chapter of a place for you to love me next thursday (which also happens to be my ten year anniversary of joining ao3) and i’m feeling super normal about it!

[tenok]

.

[mekatrio]

damn what a coincidence i was literally just researching lolicon phenomenon this week and now theres a kpop controversy abt it

[sylhea-raemi]

Airi playing an important role in the story but also the fact that she's the only proof of oda kazuha and saito tooru's existance on earth is wow

[vigilantejustice]

incomprehensible goop under the cut

there’s this real weird time circa 2007 that exists in this black hole of a void in my mind in that it doesn’t exist as a solid tangible confirmable memory but does exist insofar as that there’s this deep understanding that something did happen. there’s probably a protective or safety mechanic in play in not remembering but boy it would clear some things up

[timeisacephalopod]

On a total side note tangent I will say I didnt read Heard's piece that Depp sued over defaming him but if I have my facts straight she didn't even name him in the piece she wrote so like if he read "I became the face of domestic violence" and came running out screaming "you're defaming me!" it was weird that everyone read that as Heard defaming Depp and not as a confession of domestic violence from Depp?? Like I don't know many people who would be so offended their ex said they were in an abusive relationship that they'd come running out of the woodwork to claim they were the unnamed ex that was written about and they were the victim of a hit piece that never mentioned them by name?

Sounds more like he intentionally used the legal system to further abuse his victim and it's really god damn weird that it took uncomfortable texts from Depp to Marilyn Manson of all fucking people for people to realize the guy who was really willing to say he was the unnamed abusive ex was, in fact, abusive.