#like what that would do to society
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The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex#god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood#that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets.#but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society#i don't know what to say i'm just so tired#politics#culture#queerphobia#lgbtqia#misogyny#<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy#patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights#so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized#purity culture#i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr
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sometimes i wish i still cared about larry bc that was sooo much fun. but number one i don’t really care for them as individuals anymore anyway and number two after a few years i hit a point where i was like. wait what does proving to myself that they’re Actively Together accomplish? who is this for?
#like it just started to feel pathetic and NOT the same as reading up on the classic lore/moments#i clung on for so long bc i got into them SO late that there WERE no new moments the band had just disbanded#eventually though i was like i hate this#i know what i know happened and that’s enough for me <3#i do think there’s a nonzero chance they’re actively together but it is. not much higher than zero lmao.#mostly i just think it would be so funny for them to come out as a couple at this point#like what that would do to society#for fujoshis and rpf girlies everywhere#i do think that like. neither of them can come out individually without starting up speculation#although i do think harry has softlaunched being queer enough at this point that he could start dating a guy publicly#without making a Coming Out Statement#anyway. me saying i’m not into it anymore. writing paragraphs on my thoughts#what i mean is that it would be fun to still Actively be a fan and not just think about it occasionally and reminisce#however that ship sailed a long time ago and what glimpses i do catch of active fandom#is still talking about current proof or whatever. and i cannot do that anymore.#r.txt#like i still have special interest feelings about the lore but#i also just don’t like them as people anymore!!
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while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best
#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#riz gukgak#figueroth faeth#sklonda gukgak#dimension 20#this. mmmmhhh this is so. I did Not know how to draw this really.#I am very normal about riz (<- lying)#it's a brennan-dm d20 campaign the bad guy is always capitalism (I am saying this with clenched teeth)#riz out of all of them being aroace fucks with me SO bad. bc its also established that elmsville specifically and probably the#majority of solace is not. made for goblins. and that becomes sklonda being worked to the bone and pok dying on the job#and riz spending all his time trying to keep his friends together. maybe to the point of it being injurous#like. do u get what I mean. its an economy of time it takes your time it eats up your time#not just the gukgaks but everyone you have to spend time to get to live and you don't have a lot of time left in a day#and you have to spend it carefully. you have to prioritize#you're somewhere without an established community and companionship is bought with your time spent working#this place doesn't take care of you. at the end of the day who do you have who'd prioritize you. do you understand me#the evolved aroace loathing where if your friends and family are granted more time nobody would have to choose. we live in a society#holds ur hand we live in a society. idk if Im making any sense#anyway . uhhh riz is my favourite that's my statement thank you for listening. au revoir
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of course you can read necros and cavs as a parallel to the gender binary bc A) you can do whatever you want forever and B) yeah there's plenty of textual evidence comparing the necro-cav bond to a marriage. however one thing i think many of these discussions keep missing is the fact that most people in the nine houses are not necros or cavs and do in fact exist outside of this binary. which would make it. not really much of a binary
#get ur warm takes here#i know other people have said this already but i really feel like this binary idea has proliferated recently#but i get it i mean in the books we have almost zero exposure to House citizens living outside this 'binary'#so it is a binary in the sense that you can apply it to our major characters who are from the nine houses#but i'm just not sure about extrapolating it to the whole fictional society#i do think there are comparisons to be drawn here i just don't think enough discussions account for this third group being most of#the population.#like do a thematic analysis for sure but personally i would stop short of saying 'joh created a new gender binary and forced everyone into#it' bc. what about all those other offscreen characters who are neither necro nor cav#the locked tomb#nonasbirthday
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
#spilled ink#woke up at 530 to write this lmafo#me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal#edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate#like if this is about X specific diagnosis#and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition#but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis#because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons#why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person#.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that#it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself#palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate#would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them#bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume#that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now#we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this#regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it#and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.
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Sonoko and Shinichi are forced to attend high society parties together, mockumentary style
Interviewer: What do you do during these parties?
Shinichi: Sonoko and I people-watch. It's a great way to hone your observational skills and kill time. Sonoko is actually surprisingly good at it. Maybe the Queen of Deduction isn't too far off a nickname. (He says snickering)
*shot of Shinichi leaning into Sonoko and whispering something. Sonoko giggles and whispers back*
Sonoko: People-watch? *scoffs* Oh no, we gossip.
*shot of Sonoko whispering something to Shinichi as they both turn their heads slowly towards a man with messy hair straightening his tie. Shinichi whispers something back and they snicker for a second before swiftly turning their heads away when the man looks at them*
Sonoko: We gossip the entire time. (She says with the biggest shit-eating grin)
*the man leaves and Shinichi and Sonoko slowly look at each other and burst into giggles*
#sonoshin#suzuki sonoko#kudou shinichi#detective conan#dcmk#dc prattles#I LOVE SONOSHIN FRIENDSHIP SO MUCCCHHHHH#they!!! are!!!! besties!!!!!!!!!!#also i wanted to draw this but it's been rotting in the drafts for so long it felt like a shame to keep it there#ANYWAY MORE SONOKO AND SHINICHI SHENANIGANS PLEASEEEEE#also i feel like sonoko would be one of shinichi's go-to sources when info gathering for any case that has anything to do with#celebrities and stuff#and people from high society#also fashion stuff#and also sometimes the gossip on whats happening in the big business moguls of japan#she'd reluctantly know these things cos she's being pushed to be the heir still#anyway again more sonoko and shinichi shenanigans!!!!!!
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danny and officer martinez's relationship in "late at night, when the nightingale sings" in a nutshell:
Martinez: FREAK! GET YOUR FUCKING KID!
Battinson, on the other side of the crime scene: he don't bite
Martinez, with Nightingale firmly attached his arm, visibly biting him: YES HE DO!
*points at them* Danny is the Bugs Bunny to Martinez's Elmer Fudd.
Another Officer: i can't believe you're fighting with an actual twelve year old. Martinez: i swear to god that is not a twelve year old, that is a little hellion that crawled out of batman's shadow one dark and stormy night and decided to dedicate his existence to tormenting me. Officer: Are you really that mad about him putting a sticky note on your back-- Martinez: thats not the point
in danny's defense: the word "freak" is. a mini beserker button for him for.... obvious ghostly reasons, so like, even if its not directed at him, he still very much unappreciates Martinez's insults at Battinson. Danny may or may not be projecting.
he's not going to hurt the guy! not in any serious or permanently disfiguring way at least! But he is going to leave mean sticky notes on the square part of his spine that he can't reach, and stick salt in his 3AM Late Night Crime Scene Coffee, and kick the bottom of his heel while he's walking so he stumbles. And other petty, infuriating things that tally up and boil over, over time.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#blood blossom au#dpxdc memes#dpxdc au#the only thing martinez is right about is the fact that danny is. in fact. NOT twelve.#he's just shrimpy because he's half-dead#there's eventually a 'martinez vs nightingale' board in the precinct called the beef board. it tallies every time one of them gets got by#the other. danny is currently in the lead by a wide margin. martinez is very limited in what he can do bc of multiple reasons. but one#of them is the fact that batman HAS punched a cop before. three actually. and he won't hesitate to punch another if martinez actually did#anything to harm nightingale. and also nightingale shows up so rarely and doesnt stick around long enough for martinez to retaliate#or properly plan ahead. its kinda a wild card whether or not nightingale pops up on the scene.#nightingale: i am just a little guy!! the littlest of boy!! baddabing-baddaboom! you wouldn't do nothin to a little guy would'ya?#battinson who atp knows full well that if it werent for the blood blossom danny could turn martinez into a red smear: *would you?*#danny: if it werent for the laws of this land i would have committed acts of violence against You Specifically :)#and also like. every single other officer insulting batman and callin him a freak. they're not safe either martinez is just the poor sucker#that i have a name to give the face to#danny's a good kid but also i don't picture him totally.. hm... mentally stable? he's a little spicy. as a treat.#he's kind at his core but also he found his family's corpses and was isolated from society for 4 months by his abusive godfather and was#poisoned with quite literally the only toxin capable of destroying him entirely and can no longer (currently) use his powers without dying#instantly. so he's! he's doing his best! like between being chaotic and being kind he's def gonna choose being kind but also.#he's living on borrowed time and is in a constant active state of being slowly eaten alive by his own bloodstream. it weighs on ya psyche#danny's barely even processed his family's death and now he's got all this other trauma stacked on top to address. he is Windows EXP rn#tormenting martinez is just. an itty bitty way he can let loose some of the stress he's ignoring.#considering danny's alternate timeline was: world annihilation. he thinks he's doing pretty well all things considered
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shoutout to taigen for being the most expressive character in the entire show.
you will never not know whatever the hell he is feeling or thinking at the moment because he will literally tell you (either very earnestly like when he traumadumps to mizu or very sarcastically which is the other 99% of the time he talks to mizu) or you will see it plain as day on his face.
this is the textbook definition of a man wearing his heart on his sleeve. look in the dictionary for what a "simple man" means and you will find taigen's face there.
like once you cut through the massive ego and pompousness he uses to mask his own insecurities and traumas, he is literally just some guy. he's not evil or stupid. not super kind or super smart either. an asshole but not the worst there is. he's incredibly skilled but he's not the strongest ever or even the most skilled. he is literally! just a guy!
y'all can hate him all you want but let's be real, taigen is actually the most relatable character out of everyone. like this man is POOR, he is PATHETIC, he is COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME, and most of all he is OBSESSED WITH MIZU. if that shit ain't relatable idk what is.
#taigen blue eye samurai#taigen bes#blue eye samurai#taigen is literally just some guy and i think that's hilarious#he's a pathetic wet rat but he's MY pathetic wet rat#also he's hot and sexy <3#also if any of us lived in that era and society. chances are we would be more like taigen than anyone else lmao ykwim#what? you think youre as badass as mizu to get adopted by a master swordsmith and craft your own space sword and go on a revenge quest??#what you think you'd be born into royalty like akemi and go on to marry the shogun's son and deal with political manuevering?#you think you're kind and brave and useful enough to meet mizu and train under her as an apprentice?#if you do then more power to you. but i know i would be piss poor and bisexual. born and raised in the boonies. and very bitchy about it.#shut up haydar#fandom.rtf
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all might: tenko my boy! is that you?
shigaraki:
all might: you have your grandmother's hands!
shigaraki:
all might: and... it appears... your father's and your mother's and your sister's
all might: oh good lord,
#i still think shigarakis first design was CRAZYYY#bro tried taking over hero society and japan in sweatpants and 50 different hands#he could not have possibly smelled good in anyway#what the hell would he do if he was running away from a pro hero and a hand fell off??#does he pause to pick it back up and put it on?#or does it just fall and he goes like oh well goodbye onee-san#im in hysterics#bnha#mha#all might#shigaraki tomura#codi.txt
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TRADITIONAL TOAD GARB PEACH LETS GOOOOOOOO
#smb#princess peach#no id#giddly’s art#inhales. Okay. listen#while i understand why they did it i have beef with the fact that the peach toad garb scene in the smb movie saw her in a tee shirt#listen to me. the toads do not have gender norms. i’m pretty sure they don’t have gender at all [?]#i have NO reason to believe that peach would be the ONLY one in the kingdom wearing a shirt. like why. WHY#however i do think that by the time she got old enough to travel outside the mushroom kingdom and was exposed to other cultures#her wardrobe would get more variety simply because she would become interested in other kinds of garments. like ok#but the toads have a completely different society altogether. they all dress Exactly the same#they’re like. smurfs. actually the parallels between the smurfs / smurfette & princess peach / her toads are so numerous it’s not even funn#ANYWAY what i’m trying to say is that they would raise her like one of their own. they wouldn’t treat her any differently#she [HOLD THAT THOT I JUST REMEMBERED THAT TOADETTE EXISTS AND LOOKED HER UP. SHE WEARS A FUCKING SHIRT.#OKAY WHATTTTEVER. i refuse to believe the toad society of all fucking things cares about gender norms#whatever. it’s my hc and i can do whatever i want forever#source: my beautiful mind
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so was that legitimately fake outrage at Watcher being "greedy capitalists" that people are now gonna go watch the try guys who are doing the exact same thing?? where's the outrage at their wealth and how they spend their money? why does Keith get people just watching him eat at expensive restaurants, but it's terrible seeing Steven go to expensive restaurants to eat food? it's got nothing to do with "the try guys did it better!!!" it's the fact that you got so outraged because of how much the economy is in shambles and people can barely afford food, let alone another streaming service, and now suddenly it's a great thing seeing the try guys be able to improve their situation with one!! I thought the whole point was that we didn't need another one!! what is it???
it's just obvious that they've both done similar things, but people are taking more issue with the creators of colour for daring to grow and move forward. EVEN AFTER THEY ALTERED THINGS AND GENUINELY APOLOGISED even whilst being fucking eviscerated online. and instead of being helped and understood by their white friends, they get fucking shaded by their friends with a sofa joke and "not to name names" bullshit
what is it with people of colour being left in the dirt by their white friends and/or costars???
#people would rather watch keith shove chicken into his mouth#and harass steven lim for reviewing expensive restaurants#like bro you're leaving the fanbase??? clearly it was for the best#you all showed your asses don't deserve to be fans if this is how you treat them#vent#rant#watcher#fuck you#the try guys#also saw some comments on a video after watcher's apology#like 'see this is all we really wanted'#like bro have you ever thought about what *they* want???#considering watcher apologised as well#it makes them 100 times better than the try guys who seem to be fine insulting their friends whilst self-promoting themselves#also try guys do act like over the top white self-aware fuck society guys#like i did think something was always off with them#not saying shit about palestine even when fans brought it up#so bye fuckers#i'm done with you all
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Note for someone to turn into a story: one way to give the middle generation/s on a generation ship a purpose in life, aside from "raise the children whose children will eventually land on the colony world," could be as creators of art and story. Music too.
Just imagine: you have your whole life ahead of you with all the training and materials of this vast spaceship at your disposal, and all of society plans to revere the creative masterpieces you and your peers come up with.
No pressure.
But yes possibility.
#somebody write about that#I haven't heard this story before#generation ships#they always feel like such a depressing concept#because nobody ever plans anything for the middle generations to DO#but what if they were the Shakespeares#the Rennaissance artists#the ones able to create a vast body of work over their lifespans#the best of which would become required reading in schools#for centuries to come#it wouldn't be hard to arrange#a few regular contests for quality#a good system for recording and preserving#and the leadership makes the best readily available to society#bingo bango you've got some new classics#to go along with the old ones from humanity's original home world#wouldn't that be something#writing prompts#in spaaace
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1x04 - What We | The Ones Who Live
#i am utterly feral#like i cannot be introduced into society or an indoor environment rn#Rick Grimes#towl spoilers#The Ones Who Live#*#rg#HOW DOES HE KEEP GETTING MORE HANDSOME STOP IT#F U Z Z I E S#CHEST FUZZIES DO YOU SEE THEM#NECK FUZZIES#SCARS#THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS#I AM WINNING#even his adams apple is nice#i hate myself#the slope of his shoulders 🗣#if i could just rest my face on his chest for a few i think it could solve a lot of problems i have tbh#put me in traction#until i walk like i'm about to duel at the OK Corral#[redacted] inside me#hello welcome to the tour#on your left you will see A MAN™#i have a very hectic week ahead i need to go to bed#would give a kidney to draw idle patterns in his chest hair#*rabid whale noises*#i don't think whales can get rabies but if they could that's what i sound like rn#that man would look like an ancient capri sun pouch when i was done#go to bed lacey
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As always wishing there was a socially acceptable way to simply say "I'm about to get weird and act strange for a little while and it will look unsettling from the outside but I promise it doesn't hurt anything and I'll be back to normal later" or "it is going to take me so long to complete this minor task that doesn't really affect anyone else, but I promise it will get done eventually, all is well" or even "the way I am doing this will seem counterintuitive to you but trust me that there's a good reason"
#basically i want to reassure people that even though i will sometimes get a distant and congusing vibe in person#i do not hate them and all is well and this is so i can continue to function in society#i'm gonna get the aura of a shelter cat sometimes but this doesn't necessarily mean anything is Wrong#or well. what is wrong is complicated enough that it would take a very long time to explain and we're not here to do that#it does suck that i am so bad at asking for help and receiving help and looking grateful for help. i know i'm working on it#it's just like at the point i need help i mainly need help communicating effectively which is what you need to do to get help#it is kind of like. so just do the thing that is hardest for you in the hardest moments of your life when you can barely think. good luck!#but i have listened to a lot of advice podcasts so i have better scripts for it now it's just.
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before it felt like a sin, ch. 1
pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!MC
word count: 3000
summary: Eloise never wanted to be different.
And yet, her differences are what have defined her life up until this point: growing up as a squib in one of the most prominent wizarding families, being exiled to muggle society, and then attending Hogwarts at the age of sixteen.
She finds herself thrust into the life she should have been prepared for from birth but was denied. As she navigates this new life and her new precarious position in her family, she must come to terms with the fact that maybe what she dreamed of her whole life isn't turning out how she ever expected it would.
a/n: Hi everyone!! I decided to post this here too...I'm slowly going through everything I've written so far, and I want to post each chapter here as I edit them. I'm hoping that this can be a way to a) get back in to writing more, and b) get better at my art as I make full illustrations for each chapter. Let me know what you think!! :)
There is nothing quite as horrible as being a muggle, Eloise thought savagely as she ripped out yet another stitch in the landscape she was embroidering. At least, it was supposed to be a landscape. Maybe with her head tilted to the left and with her eyes almost closed so everything blurred together, it might resemble one. She did just that, trying her hardest to make out some recognizable shape and blast the stupid practice of manually pushing colored thread through a fabric in some sort of -
“And what is this, Miss Babbit?”
Eloise jumped at the sound and looked up at the scowling face of her teacher, and then quickly back down at the tangled thread in her lap. Behind her, she could hear the hushed giggles of the other girls in her class.
“Oh! Er…it’s -”
“How long have you been here?” the woman interrupted.
“One hour…I just -”
“Don’t be smart with me. I mean, at this institute.”
“Five years.” Eloise glared down at her embroidery as if it had personally offended her. It wasn’t like she was actively trying to be bad at everything, but she had the distinct disadvantage - how had it ever come to be that she would be at a disadvantage to muggles? - of not having spent a lifetime being prepared for muggle society and all that it entailed. The last five years had been a monotonous, endless cycle of lessons designed to turn her into the perfect lady: French (a waste of time as Eloise was already fluent), embroidery (a waste of time as the things she embroidered weren’t actually useful), dancing (a waste of time as she was already engaged to be married - why would she bother trying to woo another silly man?), and her most dreaded class of all: etiquette. No matter how many years had been spent trying to assimilate into muggle culture, her thoughts still got muddled when she tried to remember the steps to a dance, or how to properly address the son of a duke.
Did it really matter, anyways, what the other girls thought? She had pretended her whole life to be the daughter she thought her parents had wanted - now she was simply pretending that she hadn’t been thrown into the muggle world without a second thought. What was a bit more pretending - that she didn’t care? That she hadn’t been tossed aside without a second thought?
“Exactly. Five years. And yet, you have shown no progress whatsoever. This -” a finger jabbed accusingly at the embroidery - “is absolutely horrendous. If your parents hadn’t continued to make such a sizeable donation every year, I would have deemed you a lost cause and sent you packing when you first arrived. How your family ever managed your betrothal to the son of an earl is beyond me.”
Eloise grimaced at the mention of her fiance as her teacher clapped her hands together to get the attention of the class - a wholly unnecessary action due to the fact that it was already being given. “Class is dismissed. Please collect your belongings and put them in the correct place. Remember, as future wives and mothers, you must be organized in all aspects of your life. Many of you will be managing important households and the slightest misstep -“ a slight glance to Eloise out of the corner of her eye - “can cause the biggest of scandals.”
Eloise raced to gather her things and leave the classroom before everyone else. No matter how many years had been spent at the school, she couldn’t help but hate sitting through the classes amongst the judgmental stares and snide remarks. Although things had started out shaky at the finishing school - to be expected, really, when you’ve grown up in wizarding society and then are then forced to live as a muggle - it still stung that after all these years, she still hadn’t found a friendly face. She was treated as if she were a pariah: it was as if the other girls just knew that something was different about her. But…wasn’t that the great irony of it all? She wasn’t different than them. She was a filthy squib.
When she first arrived at the school, she was an anomaly. A twelve-year-old girl who didn’t know how to play the piano or who the queen was. It was clear to everyone that Eloise wasn’t the charity case of the school - her parents were obviously quite wealthy - and yet they seemingly wanted nothing to do with her. Whereas the others got regular letters and visits from their family, it was as if Eloise were an orphan. Nothing new to her of course, but to her peers this otherness aided them in her ostracization.
Upon entering her room, she was abruptly pulled out of her thoughts. Something wasn’t right. Everything seemed the same: a twin bed perfectly made opposite a small wardrobe, a plain wooden desk placed between them. The weak afternoon sunlight shone through the window, illuminating her desk. But…there.
That…
Placed on her bed, resting on the pillow, was a letter.
She never received letters.
Eloise shoved her embroidery under her bed and hungrily grabbed at it, pausing when she saw the address. Miss E. Babbit. The Third Bedroom on the Left… It seemed vaguely familiar to her in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
As she read the letter, though, it became apparent to her exactly why this was. Although not exactly the same as the one her brother had received six years earlier, it quickly became apparent that this was a Hogwarts letter. For her. For Miss E. Babbit.
Hands shaking, she set the letter down on her desk and sat on the edge of her bed. She smoothed her hands over her skirt over and over, taking comfort in the familiar softness as she tried to even her breathing.
How was this possible? She had all but accepted the fact that she was a squib. The shame of her family, a dirty secret to be hidden away and never talked about or mentioned again. Her parents had suspected as much by the time she had turned seven without any signs of magic whatsoever manifesting around her - not even a basic transformation of brussel sprouts to sweets during dinner. It was ultimately confirmed, however, when her own Hogwarts acceptance letter never arrived. She had spent the whole year before her banishment daydreaming about her life at Hogwarts, still optimistic that there could be something magical inside of her. Her brother, Leo, came home every holiday with wonderful stories of his new friends and teachers, and the subjects he was learning at school. Even back then, at twelve years old, Eloise hadn’t been sure if he was actually hopeful she wasn’t a squib, or if he had been trying to prolong the fantasy for her before it all came crashing down.
Although she had had five years to come to terms with her new life, there was still a small part of her that hoped. A small “what if…”. She had tried time and time again to squash that tiny ray of optimism that would escape every so often, tried so very hard to cultivate a hard exterior that wouldn’t let any sort of vulnerability shine through. And that optimism was a vulnerability, after all. It was that vulnerability that had made it absolutely impossible for her to fit in the muggle world, and made it so that she didn’t really want to try.
Five years to come to terms with the fact that she needed a new purpose for her life and…
…not anymore?
Eloise grabbed the letter and greedily read through it again, drinking in all of the words. She paused at the end, thinking. Was this a forgery? Some sort of awful joke orchestrated by her brother? Leo had never been cruel to her in the past; in fact, he was the one who always encouraged her and was the most probable source of the small optimism that remained within her. However, she had no way of knowing how he had changed since she had last seen him. It had been, after all, five very long years. And not once had she heard from him, even though he had promised her through huge sobbing gulps that he would never abandon her. Maybe their parents had slowly poisoned him against her. It would be right on the nose for them, after all.
Looking at the envelope again, however…Third Bedroom on the Left…no. It was too specific. Nobody in her previous life had any reason to even want to contact her again, and nobody in her current life even knew what Hogwarts was, let alone have the ability to convincingly forge a letter just to have some fun at her expense.
A light, bubbly feeling began to spread throughout her body as it sunk in that this was real. She was going to Hogwarts. Soon, a - squinting at the letter again - a Professor Fig would be contacting her and giving her things to study. A huge grin slowly spread across her face and she hugged the letter to her chest as she fell back on her bed. She read through it again. Was it the fifth time already? It felt as though no amount of times rereading the letter would ever be enough.
Eloise got up and walked over to look at the calendar on her desk. She was surprised to see that September 1st was in only two days. The days at the finishing school moved in such a strange, sluggish way. They all felt the same. Monotonous. French and Latin and embroidery and household management and Merlin even knows what else all blending into each other in an endless parade of dusty classrooms and gossip and boredom.
The light feeling left her in an instant as, after years of practice, the optimism was squashed back down. But how will you even get to London? And, her brain added sneakily, you haven’t even shown any signs of magic. Maybe you’ll just be returned back here after they realize their mistake.
No, she thought fiercely, gripping the letter. Until -
A tapping came from the window. A tentative smile returned at the sight of a tawny brown owl with another envelope in its beak. She ripped it open as soon as it was in her hands (again addressed to Miss E. Babbit) and along with the letter a small, purple pouch fell out of the envelope and onto her bed.
Miss Eloise Babbit,
I am pleased to be the wizard charged with such an important task as escorting you to Hogwarts in two days’ time. It is something extraordinary to be accepted in your fifth-year, and as such, I expect extraordinary things from you. I have enclosed a small pouch along with this envelope, and in it are some items that will be vital to you in the upcoming days. I have included books for you to study at your leisure, and a small gobstone that will bring you to our rendezvous point in London. All you have to do is touch it at noon on the 1st and you will be transported instantly.
Your family has not been informed of your acceptance. I am sure you understand why - at this, Eloise scoffed quietly to herself - which is why I will personally be your escort.
I am looking forward to meeting you and bringing you to the sorting ceremony in two days’ time.
Yours,
Eleazar Fig
The handwriting was tiny and spidery and cramped, but it didn’t stop Eloise from reading it with the same vigor as the previous letter and as many times. Finally, she turned to the small pouch that had fallen onto her bed when she opened the second envelope. It must have had an invisible extension charm, because it was filled to the brim with books on basic spellwork and general wizarding history. Professor Fig had no way of knowing, but Eloise had already read many of these books and many more during the year her brother had started Hogwarts, as she had needed to know absolutely everything about what would be awaiting her. A few years may have passed since she had stepped foot in her family’s library, but she couldn’t get the books or their contents out of her brain even if she had wanted to. She had really wanted to forget everything she knew about the magical world when it was confirmed she was a squib but it was a futile effort. As she zoned out during her piano lessons, she would find herself mentally going through the movements to cast different charms.
It was painful to be thinking about things from the life that had been ripped away from her, to know that what she was thinking about would never come to pass, that she would never be able to wield magic - and yet she couldn’t find herself able to stop.
As Eloise picked out one of the books and settled into her armchair, a steely resolve overcame her.
She would prove that she deserved to be there, and was just as capable as any of they were. She would make her parents regret ever discarding her like she was nothing.
She was worthy. She was capable. And she would prove it.
The morning of September 1st dawned cold and rainy. Absolutely perfect.
Eloise had pretended to be sick the night before, and no one had suspected a thing when she stayed in bed long after all of the other girls had gotten ready and headed to breakfast. As the last of the chattering faded away down the hallway, Eloise finally got out of bed and prepared herself for the day. It was difficult to sit still long enough to braid her hair. Her fingers wouldn’t stop trembling and she had to restart countless times. Finally, she tied the black ribbon at the end into a neat bow and turned to the drawer of her desk to retrieve the small purple pouch she had hidden away.
Everything she deemed important enough to come along with her had already been placed inside: the books from Professor Fig, the hair ribbons gifted to her by her brother many years ago, and some clothing. Nothing else was coming with. She needed the fresh start. Besides, anything else she might need would be supplied, as her acceptance letter had specifically stated that any school supplies would be provided to her.
Waiting the hours before noon came along proved to be more difficult than Eloise had imagined. Time seemed to be moving slower than the molasses that had come with the breakfast sent up to her, the steady patter of the rain becoming a sort of metronome keeping time as she paced back and forth. Wasn’t there anything that could distract her, even for a bit? She glanced at the clock. Only five minutes had passed since the last time. 10.35.
The second hand ticking away in tandem with the sound of rain splashing against her window.
What if this was all a trick? What if she arrived at Hogwarts, and they turned her away because they realized they had made a mistake? After all, why would they admit a sixteen-year-old? Surely she was too old; every other student had started Hogwarts at the age of twelve and had shown signs of magic much earlier than that. She still hadn’t shown any signs of magical capability whatsoever, and didn’t feel any different than she had before receiving the letter. It had to be a fluke.
As her thoughts started veering into the melancholy she was prone to, she shook her head. No. Today was a happy, exciting day. She wasn’t going to squash the optimism down today, not when she needed it most. All of these thoughts she was having were simply that: thoughts. Not reality. Hogwarts never made a mistake, and in all of the history books she had read, she couldn’t recall an instance of someone being turned away at the door. Granted, she had also never heard of someone being admitted so late. But, better to focus on what she did know, which was that she had gotten the letter. It must be right in its assumption that she had magic.
Trying to pass the time was easier said than done. She ended up quizzing herself on all of the charms she had memorized in the books sent by Professor Fig, moving an imaginary wand in the precise movements needed to successfully cast and focusing on her pronunciation. She had studied all of these forms late into both nights she had had the books, and when she would eventually close her eyes to sleep, the wand movements were all she saw.
Eloise was determined that she would receive pity from nobody. Nobody was going to look at her like she was lacking. She had gotten enough of that to last a lifetime, and now that she was given this opportunity she wasn’t about to waste it.
When noon finally struck, Eloise was ready and waiting. She eagerly grabbed the gobstone that was sitting on her desk and felt the familiar tugging sensation in her navel as she was whisked away to London and the beginning of her new life.
next chapter
#im just writing this fic for fun & since I’m editing it a bit#I thought it would be fun to challenge myself to do full illustrations for each chapter#(the reason I started these fanarts in the first place was for this🧍♀️)#if you actually read this I would love to know what you think!!#I keep going back & forth between wanting to make a master list and also explain my tag system on this tumblr#but at the same time I like the chaos…🤔#well let me know!! or if you have any suggestions!!💓😙#it starts off a bit slow but this story is VERY canon-divergent#and will have a lot of mythology/magical theory/pureblood society etc etc#i dont expect these to really get much traction bahahahahahaha#but im going to have a lot of fun rereading my fic & making these illustrations🥹💓#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#hogwarts legacy fanfic#hogwarts legacy fic#oh also???? how do you format these things??????????????? anyways the chapter is up on ao3 and honestly the whole fic up to chapter 22😆😆#but if you have any suggestions lmk!!!!#like do I put the warnings for the whole fic on each chapter?? put only the chapter warnings??? literally this is me: 🧍♀️#a poor confused technology grandma
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writering: gdocs and alternatives
or: a desperate plea for a functional word processor. i write a lot, very fast, and need programs that can handle high word counts and offer functionality like heading navigation and cross-device sync. unfortunately, that program does not exist. here is what does:
Google Docs
✅ reliable sync between devices ✅ has most features you need with a simple interface ✅ tabs are nice i guess ✅ offline availability 🟡 mediocre dark mode, yes i care, why fumble this 🟡 limited collab functions with a dubious history of locking authors out of docs they've shared ❌ some features on desktop are not available on mobile (again, why?) ❌ extremely slow load on docs over 100k (30 seconds or until timeout) ❌ mobile load errors over 140k ❌ extreme issues with external keyboard input on some devices
Microsoft Word
✅ it works i guess ✅ oddly enough a great place to throw a chapter for a final spelling edit/polish 🟡 ...but the spell and grammar check make actively writing in ms word nearly impossible unless you gut both features ❌ it has nav features but they are nightmarish to use ❌ ai integration ❌ interface was created in the 90s and yes i have been using it since then and yes it has not improved meaningfully ❌ autosaves to an external program cloud which has always pissed me off when i'm working on a device i also use professionally that uses that cloud ❌❌❌ you have to pay for it
Scrivener
✅ beautiful interface ✅ incredible features ✅ seriously the best writing experience out there 🟡 can be coerced into an automatic online backup but requires an external program to do so and i've heard there are issues with retrieval sometimes ❌❌❌ no built in cross-device sync and thus largely useless
Ellipsus
✅ simple and clean oddly fun to use ✅ font changes apply to the whole doc without you having to select all ✅ export and markdown available ✅ collab capabilities for editing with multiple modes ✅ staunchly anti ai🟡 takes the same amount of time gdocs does to load a 100k document but it CAN load it ❌ poor sync between devices (i could not get it to sync with any reliable speed on large documents) ❌ periodic freezing/crashing on docs above 140k
VERDICT: writing on a single device? scrivener. final polish/spell check/formatting? microsoft word. casual writing for short form between devices? try ellipsus. best overall? google docs, tragically.
DO YOU HAVE AN ALTERNATIVE? please tell me, and i will check it out and give it the hardest test of its life. i am desperate.
QUESTIONS? i can give you a truly exhaustive, grating, detailed accounting of all of these programs and their use down to the most idiotic minutiae, so send me an ask.
#writing#i guess#just a nightmare out here#i like to search whole stories at a time and edit and write between chapters so splitting up stories is really not what i want to do#society if scrivener had a cross-device sync...#i would pay so much money lol
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