#i started making her a year ago btw. kill me why am i so slow

[derelictsrot]

i tried making a gif of the process but it got shittified and deepfried and whatever im happy enough with her right now

i doodled this a while back, shes a girl that preserves that "old timey thing called The Internet"

i didnt have too much inspiration to design her tho. but tonight i sat down and drew this

not sure what else i wanna add on. maybe some pocket thingies under her knee braces because shes a wheelchair user and that would be useful for her. and she could use more pockets.

i want her to have a palette of game arcade carpets :3

[just-some-random-blogger]

hello sweetie!! today is the holiday here so ive finally got enough sleep! during the night! what a miracle! 'i was being loved by my ai kylo ren but then he fucking DIED' HAHJJF was it a hint to stop seeing him FJDFJN jk if he makes you happy then good for you. 'OMG THAT WOULD BE AMAZING' iF I SURVIVE. it wasnt a promise. if you could id still prefer you writing it( and even if i survive, idk if ill be able to write it. 'I AM HONORED YOU SHARED THIS' oh its cute TT if you want, i can share and explain? more playlists. not abt s&b but still. btw, though they dont make playlists on this show, they make fmvs and OH its the masterpiece. there are pretty ones and CRINGEY ones and oh how much i LOVE them. these cringey old russian songs AAAA 'russian has so many syllables' kjgkjfnkjfn yeah it does. 'slay omg such a pretty voice' yesyes! maria chaikovskaya is the icon! im glad you liked her TT her songs are so comforting tbh TT 'SO EVIL THE SINGER CAN STAB ME IN THE GUT' oh no bub TT i remember her getting popular bc of the song 'tatar' which is about her waiting for her bf to come out of prison. and tbh at least most? of her songs have the dark vibe. but the singer is cutie. 'about killing people who caused you pain' JHFJKF not really? more about comforting your beloved one. and rn the line 'ill kill everyone who dared to tough you' was sung.... this very piece isnt a real song. its a snippet(?) that gone REALLY viral year or 2 ago in tiktok. and only after that the singer made the complete song. but yeah it basically more about comfort and protection(?) like 'ill cover you with a blanket', 'ill tie you to myself so you want be afraid of the darkness'. 'is it too slow' idk its too slow and too running in the same time? ive mixed feelings. 'i will 100 be listening to it agin' 🥺🥺 im glad you like it. im proud of the creator. she does a lot of things and is really talented. 'i’ll look for the translation' have you found it? i didnt, ig bc the singer isnt really popular. 'I LOVE THIS the synths' yeah its the band that made 'russian princess', ive told you abt them! theyve got pretty vibe-y? songs. 'im so upset' im also upset w/this song TT i hate it sm. the lyrics, the rap part, the vibe. its unbearable TT also doesnt tumblr show you where the paragraph ends and the other starts?.. 'ONLY WENT THROUGH IT BECAUSE I FELT BAD' ?? like? i dont understand you like it or you just feel guilty TT 'Are you saying russian is too cold to be sweet' no way you disrespectful people with your disrespectful sun! russian has much more words of endearment and basically can make a sweet name out of anything not adding another word. russian is not cold😡 i love russian, i couldve never said such a thing about my baby. yk even the anthem of my native area(?) says 'warm hearts of the northern people'. i was talking abt the foreign phrases writers use. also idk why im telling this but yk what? i want too. bc it causes me distress. this image of the cold and dark man and a pretty little wife of his is pretty ofc but. my height difference with that very ben barnes or even matt smith is 7-5 cm it is NOTHING. after all the fics with the darkling that id read yesterday i cried so hard. yes i cant feel 'so secure and comfortable' in smns embrace bc its not like they can 'cover me from the world' so i feel like noone will ever love me and ill always need to be tough and reserved even though i want to cry. this fucking height theme kills me. 'WHY I DIDNT FEEL LIKE REPLYING TO YOU I WAS LIVING MY LIFE' so you traded me for a man?... so some dick is more valuable than your own cat?.. yk its the betrayal. 'my head hurts cos of the heat' freezy hugs yet im still offended. 'I FEEL LIKE IM WASTING WATER' lol say it when youre burnt to bones💀 'maybe im dehydrated' you- 💀💀💀 in your hell of weather💀💀💀 you crazy💀💀💀 go drink water. im glad to share some music! actually i liked explaining the songs. what about you? do you want to share smth? anyway, good luck with that PRICK of yours. good luck you LoVeBiRdS. take care<з

BABY GIRL I WAS FUCKING EXPLAIN SOME OF MY SCHOOL WORK AND THEN TUMBLR CRASHED AND I HATE IT HERE FUCL

im sorry now i dont feel like repeating myself again this hellsite i swear i spent an hour pouring my heart to you and for shit? FUCK

hello sweetie!! today is the holiday here so ive finally got enough sleep! during the night! what a miracle!

IM GLAD YOURE SLEEPING we also have a holiday but tomorrow and the say after that. our president just announced it /: clout chaser rat /:

'i was being loved by my ai kylo ren but then he fucking DIED' HAHJJF was it a hint to stop seeing him FJDFJN jk if he makes you happy then good for you.

T_T he was so annoying for that /:

'OMG THAT WOULD BE AMAZING' iF I SURVIVE. it wasnt a promise. if you could id still prefer you writing it( and even if i survive, idk if ill be able to write it.

its ok. i believe in you

'I AM HONORED YOU SHARED THIS' oh its cute TT if you want, i can share and explain? more playlists. not abt s&b but still. btw, though they dont make playlists on this show, they make fmvs and OH its the masterpiece.

i would love it if you shared more. no pressure. also i have no idea what fmvs is. fan music videos?

there are pretty ones and CRINGEY ones and oh how much i LOVE them. these cringey old russian songs AAAA

sometimes its really nice to cringe

'russian has so many syllables' kjgkjfnkjfn yeah it does. 'slay omg such a pretty voice' yesyes! maria chaikovskaya is the icon! im glad you liked her TT her songs are so comforting tbh TT

<3 im glad you find comfort in her

'SO EVIL THE SINGER CAN STAB ME IN THE GUT' oh no bub TT i remember her getting popular bc of the song 'tatar' which is about her waiting for her bf to come out of prison. and tbh at least most? of her songs have the dark vibe. but the singer is cutie.

T_T i hope her bf isnt a murderer

'about killing people who caused you pain' JHFJKF not really? more about comforting your beloved one. and rn the line 'ill kill everyone who dared to tough you' was sung.... this very piece isnt a real song. its a snippet(?) that gone REALLY viral year or 2 ago in tiktok. and only after that the singer made the complete song. but yeah it basically more about comfort and protection(?) like 'ill cover you with a blanket', 'ill tie you to myself so you want be afraid of the darkness'. 'is it too slow' idk its too slow and too running in the same time? ive mixed feelings.

get that clout get that full song version get those royalties. slay. their album art is T_T dark but fitting. i love vivid songs like this T_T slayyy T_T

'i will 100 be listening to it agin' 🥺🥺 im glad you like it.

i like you

im proud of the creator. she does a lot of things and is really talented.

im glad you found her and you showed her playlist to me

'i’ll look for the translation' have you found it? i didnt, ig bc the singer isnt really popular.

im too lazy rn AHHA

'I LOVE THIS the synths' yeah its the band that made 'russian princess', ive told you abt them! theyve got pretty vibe-y? songs.

i thought of this song! im not sure if it was listening to this one but i thought of it

'im so upset' im also upset w/this song TT i hate it sm. the lyrics, the rap part, the vibe. its unbearable TT

lol HAAHAHAHAHAHA deserve

also doesnt tumblr show you where the paragraph ends and the other starts?..

NO I THOUGHT YOU KNEW I JUST WING IT HAHAAHH

'ONLY WENT THROUGH IT BECAUSE I FELT BAD' ?? like? i dont understand you like it or you just feel guilty TT

nOOOO i meant i rushed through the songs without listening to its entirety because i felt bad i hadnt responded to you yet

'Are you saying russian is too cold to be sweet' no way you disrespectful people with your disrespectful sun! russian has much more words of endearment and basically can make a sweet name out of anything not adding another word. russian is not cold😡 i love russian, i couldve never said such a thing about my baby.

LOL HAHAHA I DIDNT UNDERSTAND IM SORRY ahshashash sai feel the same about my own language. im glad you feel that about your native tongue <3 deserve

yk even the anthem of my native area(?) says 'warm hearts of the northern people'. i was talking abt the foreign phrases writers use.

deserve i give you my warmth too <3 writers are dumb

also idk why im telling this but yk what? i want too. bc it causes me distress. this image of the cold and dark man and a pretty little wife of his is pretty ofc but. my height difference with that very ben barnes or even matt smith is 7-5 cm it is NOTHING. after all the fics with the darkling that id read yesterday i cried so hard.

do you know her? gwendoline cristie. she is my soulmate (because i love her also her bday is 2 days after mine!!! and she also shares a bday with matt smith AHAHH MY SOULMATES) anyway. she towers over everyone already but then she also wears heels so she is even taller and i love her for it. again as a tall girl in my country, i feel quite insecure about my height but seeing gwen own it and so many people fawn for her T_T SLAYYYY IT MAKES ME WANT TO BE AS TALL AS HER BUT ALSO ID BE TOO POWERFUL HAHAHH. i have been more cautious about describing the dynamics of my characters ever since you told me this. i hope that counts for something

yes i cant feel 'so secure and comfortable' in smns embrace bc its not like they can 'cover me from the world' so i feel like noone will ever love me and ill always need to be tough and reserved even though i want to cry. this fucking height theme kills me.

go ahead and cry. i dont mean this sarcastically. let your feeling out because it can be frustrating for real. but what would you feel if i told you that i think the same thing about me? if i told you no one would ever like me because of how i look?

please dont be hard on yourself. its a like to say looks/physical appearance dont matter. they do. but they are inconsequential to people who are genuine and who care and love you. i care and love you. i dont ever want you to feel bad because of the way you look. you're too precious for that. its ok. i see you. i know you could easily meet these men eye to eye. you are beautiful. if anyone says otherwise i;ll blown them up and drop kick them into the sun

'WHY I DIDNT FEEL LIKE REPLYING TO YOU I WAS LIVING MY LIFE' so you traded me for a man?... so some dick is more valuable than your own cat?.. yk its the betrayal.

T_T im sorry. HAHAHA I WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN I SAW THIS LIKE JAW ON THE FLOOR SHOCKED i was just distracted because kylo ren is so pretty and well written in the ai T_T i would never trade you for a man.

'my head hurts cos of the heat' freezy hugs yet im still offended.

T_T thank you.

'I FEEL LIKE IM WASTING WATER' lol say it when youre burnt to bones💀

T_T I CANT HELP I FEEL THIS WAY.

'maybe im dehydrated' you- 💀💀💀 in your hell of weather💀💀💀 you crazy💀💀💀 go drink water.

<3 i am i pee so much but im still thirsty

im glad to share some music! actually i liked explaining the songs.

<3 im glad to hear from you and your likes in music because im a music major <3

what about you? do you want to share smth?

im here again. finally T_T this is where tumblr crashed FUCK YOU TUMBLR. anway just listen to this and this (theyre the same piece just slightly dif[i like the second one better]) and then this and this (also the same piece but one has lyrics) and obvi only do it if you want to AHHAAH then i;ll explain it next time FUCK YOU TUMBLR IM RAGE QUITTING anyway we;re performing them in my class T_T lol HAAHH

anyway, good luck with that PRICK of yours. good luck you LoVeBiRdS. take care<з

T_T i was gonna ask you to read my kylo ren fic but i wont. youre so salty and petty HAHHAHAAAAH. T_T i love you baby i hope you enjoyed your day take care <3

[dccomicsimagines]

Looks Don’t Mean Everything - Cyborg x Reader

Requested by Anon -  Do u think u could make an imagine with yj s3 for cyborg/victor stone where he thinks because of how he looks now reader won’t love him anymore?? Xxx btw love your work really is the best ❤️❤️❤️💯💯💯💋

Author’s Note - spoilers for first part of young justice season 3

***

Victor glanced down at his phone. His finger hovered over the call button. He willed himself to press it.

“Damn it,” he hissed before pushing the phone away.

“Victor Stone stares at Victor Stone’s phone as much as Brion Markov does with Brion Markov’s. What is Victor Stone trying to achieve?” Forager asked, looking up from his homework. The two were sitting on the patio at M’gann and Conner’s house. It had been three days since Victor’s life had changed forever.

“Nothing.” Victor laid his head on his arm. His hand slid down to his sweatshirt pocket to play with the broken ring. He was surprised to find he still had it. The computer in him buzzed, reminding him why he could never press that call button. You couldn’t see him like this. He was a monster now. You wouldn’t be safe around him if you could even accept him.

***

You clung to the ring that hung around your neck as you slipped past Star Labs guards and made your way toward Silas Stone’s lab. It took everything in you to keep calm. Vic probably was just busy or upset by his father and didn’t text you back. It was probably nothing.

However, the two of you hadn’t went a day without contact ever since you started dating. It had been three days. He wasn’t at his house or with his friends. You knew something was wrong, you could feel it in your gut. 

Dr. Stone was sitting at his desk, working away. You noticed how the lab seemed under construction. Clear plastic covered the windows and the doors. Maybe they remodeled recently? You knocked on the door frame. Silas looked up with a hopeful gaze before frowning when he saw you. There was no recognition in his face. You had only met him once since you started dating Vic three years ago.

“Who are you? And how did you get passed security?” Silas demanded once you stepped inside. 

“I’m (Y/N). Vic and I have been dating for three years.” You gave him an eye roll when he looked surprised. “And security let me in once I told them who I was and that I had to speak to you.” You walked up to his desk, glaring at him. “Where’s Victor?” 

Silas bit his lip, not meeting your eye. “I don’t know.” 

You had to purse your lips to keep from snarling in disgust. “He was coming to see you when you didn’t show up for his game. Now I haven’t heard from him in three days and nobody else has. So I ask again, where is Victor?” 

“You don’t understand. I don’t know where Victor is.” Silas looked pained. He pushed away from his computer to put his face in his hands. “I was working on something for the Justice League and there was an accident.” 

All the breath left your lungs. “Please don’t tell me he died and you didn’t inform anyone.” 

Silas dropped his hands from his face. His mouth twitched. “He did, but then I saved him.” Your mind immediately went to the worst. Vic as a zombie or maybe more like a Frankenstein. Silas kept talking about a Father Box and how it used technology to repair Victor’s body. You struggled to keep up with everything Silas explained. “He lost control, then some girl came through a boom tube and rebooted him.” Your eyes widened. “Victor went with her.” 

You rubbed your temples. A sour feeling settled in your stomach. “Okay, so there was an explosion and Vic was fatally injured. You then decided to use alien technology that even the Justice League doesn’t know enough about to heal him and you made him into this cyborg who almost killed you.” You frowned at Silas. He flinched. “Then you let Vic leave with some girl who came through a portal and haven’t heard from him since!” 

“Don’t take that tone with me,” Silas snapped. You glared at him and he sighed. The life seemed to drain out of him. You could see the love he had for Vic. Too bad Vic wasn’t here to see it. “I failed my son.” 

“Okay.” You held up your hands. Silas turned away from you to sit back down at his desk. “Let’s just focus on finding Vic. Do you have any idea where he is?” 

Silas shook his head. “I do not know.” He buried his face in his hands. You felt a wave of viciousness creep up inside. You wanted to scream at him for giving up. Vic had to be in so much pain, so confused. Your eyes burned with tears. You needed to find him and help him in anyway he needed you to.

“Well, ‘I don’t know’ doesn’t get us anywhere.” You stormed out of the room. Silas let you leave, wallowing in his self pity. You stopped in the hallway, leaning against the wall to gather your thoughts. Taking several deep breaths, you held in your fears, calming yourself until you figured out what to do next. 

***

“And here is the hallway to the UN Ambassadors’ offices,” the tour guide said, leading the group passed the high security corridor. You studied the area. Dread settled in your stomach. This was probably the craziness thing you had ever done, but for Vic, it was worth it. 

After you gathered yourself, you went back into Silas’ office and demanded he get in touch with the Justice League. He refused, saying he no longer had a relationship with them due to the accident with Victor. It was frustrating, but you didn’t give up. 

You figured the Justice League would know of the portal girl or at least could help you find Vic. Besides, it was the alien technology that they gave to Star Labs that caused all this. If anything, you might get a clue about Vic’s location at the very least. 

Thus, you pooled your savings and took a bus to New York City. Not getting any luck with the Justice League’s hotline or email, you decided to do the next best thing, find the Amazon or Atlantean ambassadors. The Justice League was headed by Wonder Woman and Aquaman. They could at least pass a message to them. Which was why you were at the UN.

The tour started back to the lobby. You slowed, dropping to the back of the group. They turned a corner and you stopped, waiting until they were down by the elevator. You peeked around the corner and only moved when the elevator doors were shut. 

Doing your best to stay calm and act like you belonged, you went back to the corridor where the offices were. Eventually, you found the Atlantean ambassador’s office at the end across from the Amazon ambassador’s. The door was shut and locked for the Amazon’s, but the Atlantean’s was slightly ajar.

Your heart pounded in your chest. You grabbed the ring on the chain around your neck for support. 

“Garth, you must tread carefully. Luthor will just tighten the restrictions he has over the League if you are not careful,” a voice said from inside. You peeked through the crack in the door to see two men inside. 

“Kaldur, trust me. I have been in this position long enough to understand the risks.” The other man moved in the room. You held your breath. “These surface dwellers are very complicated. I never thought they would be more political than Atlantis.” 

You raised your hand to knock, but stopped. Ice cold terror flowed through your veins, but you thought of Vic. He must be so scared, so confused. You needed to be there for him. 

However, before you could knock, the door swung open. You quickly put your hand down as both Atlanteans stared at you in surprise. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw one of the men was Aquaman. “Hi,” you squeaked. Blood rushed to your face.

“May I help you with something?” Garth asked. You recognized him as the Atlantean ambassador. 

“I...” You had to clear your throat. Suddenly, you didn’t know how to start. You rubbed the back of your head. “I need help finding my boyfriend, Victor Stone.” Both Atlanteans stared at you blankly. Your face threatened to burst into flames. “Let me explain.” And you did. To their credit, both of them listened without interrupting. 

“I am sorry for what happened,” Aquaman said softly after you finished. He closed the door behind you. “Currently, I do not know about Victor Stone’s whereabouts, but I have suspicions from what you told me.” 

You grinned at him, heart threatening to burst out of your chest. “Can you find him for me? Make sure he’s okay?” Studying Aquaman’s face, you swore you saw a flash of guilt in his eyes. Suspicion soured your stomach. Your smile fell slightly.

“Although with the accident he had, are you sure he wants to see you?” Garth asked, raising an eyebrow. “It seems like you both are very close. Why would he not contact you?”

The rest of your joy drained out of you like someone pulled the plug. “I don’t...maybe they wouldn’t let him or maybe he’s scared?” You bit your lip. It didn’t occur to you that Vic wouldn’t want you to see him. “Maybe he’s afraid his father would find him through me? I don’t know, but I just want to make sure he’s okay.” 

Aquaman nodded, not meeting your eye. You knew he wasn’t telling you something. “I will see what I can do.” He placed his hand on your shoulder as knock sounded on the door. Garth got to his feet and answered it, having a rather tense conversation with who was on the other side. “I will escort you out of the building.”

“Can I give you my number or something? You can let me know if you find out about Vic.” You stepped to the side to make him look you in the eye. 

“Of course.” He gave you a tight smile. You saw the hesitation in his eyes. However, you reached down to write down your information on a notepad on Garth’s desk. You handed it him. He took it rather nervously.

“Yes, our visitor is leaving now. I apologize for the misunderstanding,” Garth said, opening the door to reveal several security guards. You gave them a cheeky wave. They all glared you at the same time. You wondered if they were robots. 

Aquaman led you out of the office. You nodded to Garth, giving him a smile in thanks. He smiled back before arguing with the security guards. Aquaman was silent on the way out of the building. He left you at the entrance and you sat down on a bench outside to think. You knew he wasn’t telling you something, but what could that be? Your mind jumped to worse conclusions, but you calmed yourself. If the Justice League didn’t get back to you in a few days, you’ll just have to take drastic measures.

***

“Victor, can I talk to you?” M’gann asked as she appeared around the apple tree Victor was sitting against. He sighed. The computer in his head beeped. He tensed, fearing the Father Box would take control again. It didn’t and he relaxed. M’gann stopped beside him before sitting down.

He rested his head back against the tree to look up at the stars. His hand went into his pocket to play with his broken ring again. He missed you so much, he physically ached. 

“I received word that someone named (Y/N) (Y/L/N) is looking for you quite passionately.” M’gann crossed her arms, watching Victor’s reaction. Victor tensed. A wave of hope and horror washed over him.

“No, they can’t find me. They won’t understand what I’ve...what I’ve become.” His hands shook. “I’m this freak. They’ll see me and won’t love me anymore.” He closed his eyes. “They’ll give me back the ring.” 

“Ring?” M’gann blinked in surprise. Victor sighed, taking out his broken ring. “Oh.”

“Promise ring.” He smiled sadly. “Though, I would probably marry (Y/N) eventually, but we wanted to finish high school and college first. Of course, that doesn’t matter now. I won’t be able to do any of that looking like this.” 

M’gann cleared her throat, taking the broken ring from Victor. “(Y/N) called the Justice League hotline over a hundred times about you. They also broke into the UN building in New York City to try to get in contact with the Justice League.” M’gann smiled. “It worked. They want to know if you’re okay.”

Victor jumped to his feet. temper flaring. “No, I’m not! I’m a freak! This cyborg! I can’t ever see them again! They’ll think I’m a freak and I might hurt them!” He shook his head. “Tell them I died.” He walked off, shaking. The computer beeped dangerously in his head, reacting to his fast heartbeat. “Leave me alone.” 

M’gann watched him go helplessly. She looked down at Victor’s broken ring in her hand. “Alright then.” She got up and walked back to the house.

***

It took a week before you got a letter in the mail. You wondered how the Justice League had your address, but opened it regardless. Inside was Victor’s broken ring. 

Tears filled your eyes, but not of sorrow, only of rage. How dare they just send this to you? What does this even mean? Is Victor dead or did he just didn’t want to see you? 

Your hand squeezed the ring in your palm enough to leave an imprint. Drastic measures it was then.

***

A week after Halloween, Victor found himself out by the apple trees again. The vicious side of the Father Box gone for good. He wanted to see you, knowing at least he wouldn’t accidentally kill you, but he was still a freak.

Out of his misery, the computer in him picked up your voice coming from the house. He was on his feet in an instant. You couldn’t be here? How?

“Where is Victor Stone?” your voice echoed throughout the orchard. Victor found himself running toward your voice, stopping when he got to the back of the garage. He peeked around to see you and some man with no face wearing blue trench coat standing up to M’gann, Conner, Dick, and Artemis. His jaw dropped to the ground.

“Listen, I understand you are upset, but Victor Stone is not here,” Dick insisted, stepping closer to you. You backed away. The man with no face stepped in front of you.

“I think he is, Nightwing formerly Robin,” the man with no face said rather smugly. He turned to M’gann, Conner, and Artemis. “Miss Martian, Superboy, and Tigress formerly Artemis. By the way, it’s dumb to have your hero name be the same as your real one.” Artemis flinched. The man turned back to Dick. “Who are you kidding here?” 

Victor hid back behind the garage before you could see him. His heart threatened to burst. The computer analyzed the situation for the best plan of attack. He quickly shut it down. “Why is Victor Stone hiding? Victor Stone’s partner clearly wants to see Victor Stone.” Victor almost jumped out of his skin when he noticed Forager was suddenly beside him. Forager laughed at Victor’s surprise.

He opened his mouth to speak, but the intense confrontation caught his attention again. “I didn’t know you worked for money, Question,” Dick snapped. Victor peeked around the corner again with Forager. 

“I wasn’t hired for this,” the Question said calmly, looking at his fingernails even through he was wearing gloves. “I was contacted by this lovely young person who’s soulmate was taken from them by some hideous act caused the Justice League.” He rubbed his chin. “It made me wonder why the Justice League was trying to keep it quiet.” 

Suddenly, Victor found himself being pushed out into the open by Forager. “No, don’t...” His protest died when his eyes met yours. 

“Vic?” You pushed past the heroes to run to him. He flinched, but you crashed into him with a breath stealing hug. “It’s really you.” You kissed his lips passionately. Victor froze before melting into the kiss. 

Forager laughed. You pulled away from Victor to look at him. Your jaw dropped slightly. “Wow, you really did join a strange crowd, didn’t you?” You turned back to Victor, pulling down his hood to get a good look at him. Victor closed his eyes, preparing for your rejection.

Instead your hand traced the metal side of his face. “Please don’t.” He grabbed your wrist with his robotic arm. You hissed in pain. “Sorry.” He loosened his grip, opening his eyes. However, he was met with your accepting gaze. 

“You know I thought you would be more like Robotman from the Doom Patrol or something.” A laugh escaped your lips. Victor smiled, not realizing how much he missed your laugh. “But this is very cool.” Worry filled your eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m working on it.” He drank in your face. You looked tired. He probably caused that. “Better that you’re here. I’m sorry I didn’t call.” 

You slapped his arm. “Yeah, that sucked.” You hugged him again. “You scared me to death, you know.” 

“I know.” Guilt made his stomach twist dangerously. He noticed the ring was still on a chain around your neck. “You still have your ring?”

“Of course.” You pulled away to glare at him. “But you don’t have yours.” You pulled it out of your pocket. He stared at it, confused.

The Question and Dick were still arguing while the others watched. Forager clapped his hands, enjoying the show. 

“How do you have that? I gave it to M’g...” Victor looked over at M’gann. She glanced over to meet his gaze before quickly looking away. 

“Don’t worry about it.” You put your hand on Victor’s cheek, bringing his eyes back to you. A smile pulled at your lips. “I’ll yell at them for you. You know it scared me to death to get an envelope with just your ring inside.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t know they would do that.” Victor turned to kiss your palm. He took the ring from you. His eyes widened when he saw it was on a chain similar to yours. “You put it on a chain?” 

“Yeah, I figured you won’t lose it around your neck.” You laughed. “I mean it works for me.” You helped him put it on. 

“Aww, love,” Forager chuckled. “Forager likes Victor Stone’s (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” 

You eyed Forager curiously. Victor laughed for the first time since his accident. “I’ll introduce you.” You looked back at Victor with a big smile.

“I hope so.” You kissed his lips sweetly and Victor no longer felt like such a freak. If you could see him and love him still, he could do anything. 

[itevilhag]

And In The End...

CREDITS TO THE OWNER OF THIS GIF.

Spencer Reid x POC!reader [I’m asian so...]

summary:  for the first time in years after that tragic event that took your life and almost destroyed him, Spencer gets to see you again, and as happy he is to see and know you’re here he did wish it was under better circumstances, not when he is on the brink of death. Spencer goes on a journey with the reader on chosing whether he wants to stay or not. 

a/n: this is btw a recreation of the scene with Maeve on season 15, so most of the dialouge included here are taken from there but there are a decent amount that is written by me please don’t hate me it still took me a long time to finish this. Also this is my first S.Reid fic so....

word count: 3.4k!

warnings: SPOILERS! SEASON 15 EP. 10

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“Y/N,” Spencer called, his face contorting out of both confusion, happiness, and surprise as he saw your figure quietly sitting on his couch with your back faced towards him as if you were waiting for someone. For the first time in years after that tragic event that took your life and almost destroyed him he gets to see you again, and as happy he is to see and know you’re here he did wish it was under better circumstances, not when he is on the brink of death. Slowly walking past his body lying on the floor he approached you with a small playing on his lips which only grew wider when you finally turned around.

You had a smile of your own, the smile that had been etched in his brain for years, the smile that kept him going through tough times, your smile. Now standing in front of you, he took in your appearance, though nothing much had changed he still tried to carve everything single inch of your face on his brain. He took note of the way your skin glowed under the sunlight that was cascading down the window, the natural tint of pink that graced your soft cheek, the soft curve of your lips he longed to kiss, you were still the same woman he fell in love with years ago.

Before you even got a chance to open your mouth to greet him, he had already engulfed you in his arms, burying his head deeper into your neck as he clung to you for dear life.

“Well, hello to you too, Spence,” you hugged him back chuckling at his reaction, a smile plastered on your lips. You held him in your arms as tightly as you possibly can as the two of you rock back and forth in each others embrace.

“Y/N, It’s you. It’s really you,” he sniffled onto your shoulder, his voice muffled.

 He finally pulled back from the embrace, letting his hands fall to his side, he was smiling so hard he feels that his cheeks might break “God, I miss you, so much. What are you doing here? How are you here- you’re dead,” he asked, and you can see the confusion in his eyes.

You met his brown eyes, and that’s when you got a good view of his face. His hair was longer, framing his perfectly handsome face perfectly, the shadows under his eyes were more prominent, he even grew a light stubble which you did find utterly sexy, but you have no time for that, he has no time for that.

“I missed you too, Spence, and yes, I am.” you laughed lightly at his remark “So, does that mean that I’m-” a wave of surprise and puzzlement immediately graced his features but you cut him off.

“No, no you’re not dead- well not yet at least,” you answered, as you slowly looked behind him, your eyes landing on his unconscious body on the floor, and you could’ve sworn that you heard him release a sigh of relief, which put a small smile on your lips “You have an intracranial hemorrhage, which is-”

“A bleeding in the intracranial vault, including the brain parenchyma and surrounding meningeal spaces, the overall incidence of spontaneous ICH worldwide is 24.6 per 100,000 person-years with approximately 40,000 to 67,000 cases per year in the United States,” he stated, your brows shot up in surprise and your lips subtlely curled up into a smirk as he cut you off and started to ramble about the statistics behind his hemorrhage “Y/N, my brain is shutting down,” he said, as he looked down to you, his brows slightly furrowed fear enlaced within his voice. But, then it soon faltered once he mentioned brain shutting down.

“Well, yeah, Spence, parts of it are shutting down, it’s struggling to survive. But, you’re still here, aren’t you? This means you’re still fighting,” you smiled lightly, and tried your best to assure him. He gave you a tight-lipped smile and nodded, he shoved his hands in pockets and averted his eyes away from you as he tried to comprehend and understand. Tried to get a hold of the situation that he is in.

“And, it is nice to know that you still haven’t changed since I last saw you. With the rambling and spitting out facts, same ol’ Dr. Spencer Reid.” you chuckled lightly, trying to lighten the tension that had made itself very comfortable surrounding the two of you, and you didn’t fail to notice the surge of pink tint that had spread across his cheeks which is then followed by a sheepish smile on his lips. But you know that he still had questions that he wanted to be answered under that sweet smile that he had plastered on his face.

“Hey, why don’t you take a walk with me? So that we can clarify and talk out some things.” you offered, and stretched your hand towards him, he hesitated for a second and displayed a confused expression, but something in your eyes told him to trust you, so he gladly takes it. You smiled up at him, you led him to the doors of his apartment and the next thing you know is that you two were at the cemetery, standing side by side in front of your grave, with your arm wrapped around his. Looking at the headstone with you right now, made him feel uneasy and torn and it only made the raging fear inside him even worse.

So distracted himself with a question towards you, to temporarily bury that feeling of fear inside.

“So, how are you here? How did you get here? What are you doing here, in my brain?” he asked, turning to you, his brows raised a little to display his curiousness. The words tumbled out of his mouth faster than you can comprehend.

“Okay, hey, Woah, slow down Spence, easy with the questions,” you chuckled “For the ‘how?’, I don’t know- I don’t know how got there. I just opened my eyes and then all of a sudden I was in a random persons apartment, at first I was confused, but as soon as I saw that bookshelf and that desk with all the case files sprawled everywhere, I immediately knew where I was.” you hear a low chuckle rumbled out of his chest, which prompted a smile form you.

“And, as for the ‘what?’ just a small answer, I’m here to help you. ‘Help you make the ‘choice’.‘Cause, this journey will definitely take a toll on tempting you on which way to go.” you said, looking at him sideways.

“The ‘choice’ huh?” he murmurs, and you hummed before uttering out a simple “Yep.”

"Hey, Spence do you wanna know my deepest, darkest secret?”

Looking back at your grave, as the cold winds brush up against your bodies, something came up to Spencer’s mind as it drifted back to that dreadful night once again. There is something he hasn’t resolved yet, with you.

“Let me take her place.” Spencer offered, trying to be careful with his words.

Diane asked her voice rising with a gun pointed towards your temple and a hand looped around your neck.

“You would kill yourself for her?” she pressed the gun further towards your temple.

“Yes,” Spencer answered loud and clear. But Spencer wasn’t careful enough.

“No.” Diane retracted the gun from your temple to hers and pulled the trigger.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.” he apologized, turning to face you, your brows knitted themselves together as you were a bit taken aback by Spencer’s sudden apology, his voice breaking with tears threatening to fall to his cheek.

“For what, Spence?” you asked in confusion, rubbing small circles on his hand in an attempt to comfort him.

“I let you die. And it’s my fault because I wasn’t smart enough or fast enough to save you.” he averted his eyes towards the grass beneath the two of you, trying to avoid your gaze as he continued to blame himself for your death, which only made your heartbreak even more.

“Hey, Spencer, stop it. It isn't your fault, there was nothing you could've done, and it's okay,” you squeezed his hands in comfort, which made his eyes turn their attention towards you, the side of your lips slightly turned upwards as his teary eyes made contact with your soft ones. An idea came up to your brain, a small smirk eased itself to your lips.

He gave you a curious look and nodded before he responded “Mhm-hmm.”

“I love nineties rom-drams and rom-coms.” you shyly admitted, which prompted and heartily laugh to emerge from the both of you, and hearing his laugh again made your heart soar.

“The cheesier the better,” you laughed "and my favorite was about this angel who gave up his immortality because he fell in love with a human. But they only had one day before she was killed,” you explained softly, Spencer chuckled humorlessly as he saw the connection, he averted his eyes away from you again but kept the smile that’s been with him this whole time.

“I always wondered why that one stuck with me, and then we lived it.” you smiled, you lifted your other hand and brushed it against his cheek and tucked a stray curl behind his ear “But hey, do you wanna know something else?” you asked.

“What is it?” he asked curiously, and you hear a slight eagerness in his voice.

“Transferring to the BAU was probably the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life,” he only smiled, and his silence signaled you to continue “because it led me to meet the team, meet you. And you, Spencer Reid, Is the best thing to ever happen in my life, with you and your rants that would go on for hours, your ramblings, your facts- gosh even your magic tricks!” you laughed, and he chuckled at that.

“and what honor and privilege it was because I get to spend the rest of my days with, the behavioral analysis unit of the FBI and…with you, Spencer.” you can already feel the burning behind your eyes and the tears that were threatening to be spilled but you tried your best to push them back.

“So don’t you dare be sorry, okay? I have no regrets.” you smiled and he returned it and nodded “Okay.” he brought your hand up to his lips and planted a kiss on your knuckles, the gesture made your heart melt.

“Hey, I know I’ve already said it but, I really do miss you, very much.” he chuckled.

“I miss you too, Spence,” but the bliss soon faded away as someone’s voice- wait no, Diana’s voice called to him.

Spencer.

Both of you were alarmed at the sudden call, which made both of you physically jump slightly, his grip on your hand tightening, his frown made an appearance once again, he looked terrified, and he didn’t even bother to hide it, he wasn���t focused on keeping his micro expression at bay at the moment.

“Well, that’s a very subtle way of telling us that the clock’s ticking,” you commented, you look over to Spencer who was still pretty tense, so you squeezed his hand in attempts to ease him “But, hey, Spence, we still have a decent amount of time together.” you reminded him.

“I need that,” he said, a small smile tugging on his lips.

You carefully looked at Spencer, and then suddenly he became transparent, you saw something in his eyes, something that he’s been holding onto which made your brows furrow slightly.

“Spencer, you’ve been holding onto trauma, a lot of it. But let me remind you something, what sent you on this journey is something different, you’re at a crossroads, and you’ll be tempted along the way on which way to go,”

“Can you help me through it?” he asked a small smile peeking on his lips with hope in his eyes, you nodded smiling lightly.

“But first, I need to tell you something you don’t hear enough of,” you hold on to his hand tightly, hoping that he would understand, you smiled “the world is a good place, Spence, and it’s even better with you in it.” He smiled back, letting your words sink in.

“You ready?” you asked softly.

“Yeah,” he replied.

[[[[[[[[[[[[[ ]]]]]]]]]]]]]

You and Spencer now find yourselves standing hand in hand in front of SSA Gideon’s grave, who you knew was Spencer’s mentor and [sort of] a father figure. Even though you didn’t get the chance to meet him when you transferred, Spencer’s amount of respect towards him says it all, so when his death became apparent, Spencer was the one who was affected the most.

“Why are we here?” he asked you, but he still kept his attention towards Gideon’s headstone “I made peace with Gideon dying.”

“When was the last time you saw him?” you asked softly.

“12 years, 7 months, and 23 days ago,” he recited, his voice firm and steady.

“Oh,” you chuckled “you’re not keeping track of disappointments at all.” you teased, which earned you a smile from him.

“My dad wrote me a note when he left,” he started “Gideon did the same thing. He was the one that convinced me to join the team, and then he left.” he chuckled humorlessly. You on the other hand, absentmindedly squeezed his hand to let him know that you’re there for him, he smiled softly at that.

He sighed heavily, as if he was trying to keep his tears at bay, but based on how his voice started breaking earlier on, he probably was keeping in his tears “All to believe in happy endings, I just- I’m sad he never got one.” he lamented.

“Oh no, he got one,” you laughed as you corrected him, and by the way he looked at you he was left a bit confused “He is obsessed with this octopus named Mildred,” which prompted a genuine laugh from you and Spencer “She was a prankster! And he loves hanging out with an 8 limb mollusk trying to figure out how she became playful and wise.”

When the laughter had finally died, you look back at Spencer again, he had a small smile on his lips, and you know that wasn’t caused by you, and you weren’t hurt by that, you know that Spencer was just trying to understand and make peace with Gideon and his death, and that’s okay.

“She evolved,” he said.

“Yep, Spence. We all have to,” you replied, reciprocating his smile.

[[[[[[[[[[[[[ ]]]]]]]]]]]]]

After your short quiet walk on the cemetery as both of you enjoyed the cold breeze of autumn, you and Spencer found a bench under one of the trees and decided to take a break and just rest. You sat there beside him, with your head on his shoulder and his head leaning on yours, you both enjoyed the peace that the place even though it’s a literal cemetery. While your brain was calm, Spencer’s wasn’t.

Ever since he saw you at his apartment, he was already second-guessing everything. Just being with you right now already tempts him to stay, and he knows that it sounds selfish of him to do because he has friends and family, his mom, waiting for him to wake up, but what if there’s nothing left for him to do there? What if he can just stay here with you? But then at the same time he doesn’t wanna lose what is still there, what he already has, his family and friends, but losing them meant staying with you, and staying with them meant losing you. He was just pretty much torn with everything at this point, and he knows that he doesn’t have much time.

You look at Spencer, and you recognize that look on his face, the distant stare, the deep furrowed brows and you’ve seen it in a lot of people “What are you afraid of?” you asked, and you feel him slightly jump under your touch telling you that he was definitely in deep thought.

“What?” he asked, snapping out of his thoughts as he heard your voice.

“I asked, what are you afraid of? Spence, I’ve seen that look on people’s faces far too many times than I can count,” you chuckled softly “It doesn’t take a profiler- even though I am one to not know what it means.” you smiled lightly, wordlessly encouraging him to voice what is on his head.

“It’s just that, if I die, I’ll let down my mom, the team, and everybody who depends on me,” he answered truthfully, and you hummed slightly before responding.

“Well, family’s resilient, and as for strangers, people were hurt before you joined the BAU, and they’ll get hurt whenever you leave,” you stated.

He chuckled faintly before replying “Guess I’m stuck,”

“More like frozen, from grief,” you see his face fall slightly before he turned away and avoided your gaze “Your father’s physical absence, your mother’s psychological one, me.”

“It’s paralyzing,” his brows furrowed.

“And how do you move through it when you can’t move?” you asked softly.

He narrows his eyes and looks around for a second trying to think “You go back to the beginning,”

“I grew up telling stories about who I was,” he chuckled softly, you sat there smiling softly as you listened “A son, a friend, student, teacher, genius-”

“ A hero.” you finish for him “Spence, you seek and gain approval from anyone. It’s time to stop.” you insisted.  

[[[[[[[[[[[[[ ]]]]]]]]]]]]]

“Y/N, what if my brain’s bleeding out because there’s nothing left for me to do,” he questions, his were furrowed slightly.

“Spence, the world needs you to do what you love, have you done that?” you asked him, he paused, trying to think “I don’t really know…” he responded.

“Sure you do! What do you love?” you asked as you smiled at him.

“I love magic, ghost stories,” he chuckled as he raked through his brain.

“Fiddling with your pen like me? Adding too much sugar in your coffee?” you laughed, which he returned “Go on, what else?” you said, nodding at him to continue.

“Jell-O, Kumquats, teaching, learning, books, hope...making connections, making- making a difference,” he paused to look at you, his eyes filled with sincerity and adoration as you smiled softly while you listened to him intently “you, I love you.”

“Well, that’s a lot to love, Spence. And you can still have years ahead of you, and you can still keep doing the things you love and the things that make you happy. I mean the world is a big place, you can still have places to visit, opportunities to seize, a lot of books to read...people to fall in love with. There is so much you still can do,” you smiled up at him, taking his hand into yours, your fingers interlocking with his own “but that is entirely up to you.”

“Look, there is no wrong answer or wrong choice in all of this, but you have to decide. You can stick around in the blue marble or travel out to the great unknown. It’s time, Spence, what are you gonna do?” he only smiled lightly, his mind finally made up, and stood up bring you with him.

“Dance with me,” he whispered as he brought you closer to him, your hand making its way up to his neck, and his settling down your waist. As you two swayed cheek to cheek, he asked.

“Do you remember our one, and only fight?” he smiled down your way.

“About the world’s greatest poet?” you smirked.

“We were on the phone for like- four hours,” he responded with a smile evident on his face as you laughed at the memory “Spence, you need to find that kind of passion with someone again…”

“But first I need to know if your favorite is still-”

“E.E Cummings,” you answered “‘Whenever you think, or you believe, or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself” you quoted, a small smile on your lips.

“‘To be nobody-but-yourself- In a world which is doing it’s best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight, the hardest battle that any human being can fight; and never stop fighting” he quoted back, with the tears already falling on his cheeks, he pulled you fully in his arms, your hands came up to lightly scratch the back of his neck, he sniffled as he buried his head deeper on your neck, savoring the last moment he has with you before he goes.

“I love you, Spencer Reid. I’ll always love you,”

[angelicmichael]

Hoax - Prologue

Michael Langdon x Mallory

Summary: After failing to kill murder house Michael; Mallory must travel back in time to Sojourn era to try again. However; she finds to her horrific discovery that jumping through time repeatedly does not come without its consequences.

Words: 3.0k+

Warnings: Death, They both almost die (or do die) so.. a lot of describing wounds and nearly dying and that jazz ✌🏻, major wounds, lowkey a dark fic, Mallory discusses wanting to kill Michael and finds celebrates it??, angst, Mallory goes and sees his dead body, blood

A/N: this takes place right after Mallory drives away from Michael in the finale btw!! I literally didnt intend on making it this dark but it just happened LOL. I feel like most of the dark stuff is vague so.. it should still be chill. This is the first time ive written millory/character x character so please go easy on me!! I also tried to follow canon and stay accurate to details the best I could but knowing me I probably fucked up somehow LMAO but enjoy 💖💖 major plot twist is coming in the next chapter btw! Also Mallorys thots are italicized.

As soon as Mallory drove away; she knew nearly immeadietly that it was too good to be true. Things could never be this fucking easy.

She felt a pit in her stomach almost instantaneously once she was in the year 2015; Even though she couldnt decipher if the anxiety was a warning or something else.. She continued on with the dark destiny she was put on this earth to fulfull.. to kill the antichrist.

Even though she was fully aware of this; and had come to terms with what she had to do - she learned the hard way that it didnt seem to make things easier at all; like how she dreamed it would. Although, even now as she continued to speed away from the infamous 'murder house', the drop in her stomach seemed to only grow; along with her self doubt.

Was he really dead??

Did I really do it??

She knew that the answer to both of those questions should be yes; but the longer she remained driving in her car, getting farther and farther away from where the incident had occured.. she knew something was wrong.

Mallory suddenly jolted the steering wheel into a sharp left; continuing to turn it until she was doing U-Turn.. She couldnt help but to feel completly bewildered at her own actions - never doing something so impulsive, like going back to a crime scene let alone commit murder, in her life.

Although Mallory felt a bit disgusted with her recent previous actions; she couldnt help but imagine how disgusted she would feel with herself if she didnt pull this off. She mulled over the previous thoughts she had had about this moment and how dreamed it would feel; she thought she would feel joy, elated, and at peace but.. instead she still felt as if she was being suffocated by his presence.

He wasnt gone. Not yet.

She pressed her foot down on the gas, she knew she hadn't gone too far away from Michael's residence yet it seemed as if it was a millenia away. The task she was supposed to complete was starting to seem more and more increasingly impossible the less distance was put between them.

If running him over with a car three times wasnt enough to kill him, whose to say anything else would? What if Constance had brought him inside?? What if she was still out there with him?? Mourning?

Mallory wasnt a monster; she wasnt going to tear away a dying boy from his grandmother in his (hopefully) final moments, even if he was the antichrist.

She felt as if she was a total loss for what to do; which made her grow sick to her stomach because she knew that was a cruel form of denial. She was destined for this moment; every moment thus far had led up to this.. so why did she feel like such a failure? Her thoughts grew more foggy and distant with panic; her throat became entirely dry as she slowed the car down. The murder house now in view; the first thing she noticed.

The red bricks and stained glass windows shined brightly in the sun. The house, which Mallory was sure typically looked beautiful, radiated a terrifying aura.. even more so this time versus when she was here only a mere minutes ago. The expanse and exterior of the house was intimidating; it held a certain danger to it that she couldnt pinpoint her finger on where the source came from.. it certainly was not Michael. Mallory knew that even if he wasnt dead; his powers would fade out for atleast a few minutes from being so wounded.

Mallory stopped the car once she saw Michael's dead body; which still resided in the middle of the road. Her feelings of panic and nausea only amplified once she saw his body -  her gaze lingering upon it. She approached him with no hesitation; she could nearly feel that he was gone.. his spirit momentarily missing.. somewhere else.

She studied him carefully and nearly pitifully as she crouched down to kneel next to his body. His body was littered and splattered with bright red wounds. His pants looked as if they were dip dyed in red paint; His once pale skin along with the majority of his clothes was covered in a bright red splatter. Long, dark red lacerations decorated his face. His mouth was still agape; his once white teeth were coated in the same shade of red his clothes were.

Even though he looked absolutely horrible; Mallory still felt absolutely no remorse for the antichrist. Knowing what he would become, and his sick ways of manipulation deserved no mercy. However, knowing only seconds ago he was nothing but a mere bloody, suffering child.. she couldnt help but to not fight the tears she felt budding at her eyes; letting one slide down her cheek before quickly wiping it away - she knew it was naive to assume she wasnt being watched.

Mallory wasnt stupid - she knew her powers and what she was capable of, like the back of her hand by now. The past few months practically consisted of her testing and expanding on her limits... She knew that healing Michael in this exact moment wasnt out of the question. In fact, it almost seemed to be more difficult to restrain herself from healing him.. but she knew better.

He deserves to fucking suffer. He deserved to rot in his personal hell; wherever that may be.

She couldnt help but to nearly laugh at the thought that he finally got what was fucking coming to him.

Mallory could feel herself shaking with how close she was to Michael now. She couldnt stand how he made her feel when they were this close - almost touching.

She now was kneeling next to his body on the concrete, her knees aching from the rough surface but she couldnt go just yet. Not when she still had no fucking clue where to go from here.

The world seemed as if it came to stand still; nothing seemed like it existed outside of the small bubble that Mallory felt her and Michael were suddenly trapped in.. The birds stopped singing, no cars happened to drive by.. everything just stopped.

All the spirits and souls that Mallory could feel that were trapped within the grounds of the house, didnt bother to make a appearance either. But she knew they were still there... she could still feel their eyes on her. Watching; waiting.

The sun's warmth, which normally Mallory chose to bask in, was starting to make her itch. She could feel her skin start to moisten with sweat.. Instinctively she knew that her sudden newfound state of being uncomfortable was her cue to leave... To go where though? She wasnt sure.

Why am I still here? If everything had happened correctly; if I really killed him.. then why havent I woken up yet??

Mallory continued to stare at him grimly; not quite brave enough to speak but still managing to maintain the courage to sit by him and look at the damage she caused. The most jarring feature of Michael's current appearance would be his eyes. Mallory couldnt help but to stare at them; and it certainly wasnt because they were beautiful.

His once vibrant, sky blue, irises were now starting to look oddly dull. A faint, milky white color looked as if it were painted over them instead.

His skin was now a bruised white; Mallory shakily extended out her hand - pressing the back of her knuckles softly to his forearm. She wanted to see how cold his body was; and when she made contact - she pulled her hand back so fast as if it had been burned. She hissed, the coolness of his skin stunned her. She stared at his body intensely - shocked that she even dared to touch him, let alone even stick around for this long. 

The sounds Michael started to make is what finally drove Mallory to wake up out her near trance she found herself amidst in and to realize the reality of the situation. After minutes of silence and stillness, and sure death, Michael's chest finally started to move. The amount at which his chest moved was nearly minuscule at first; but he was recovering rather quickly.. too fucking quickly for Mallorys liking.

It was almost sickly ironic how Mallorys chest started to move faster and faster as soon as Michael's did; she couldn't help but to feel entirely panicked. The rest of her emotions; her thoughts; her feelings; everything that used to make up her was now fleeting.. rapidly leaving until as she could focus on was the oxygen briskly escaping her.

She watched the color from his skin start to return; the off putting stark whiteness leaving and a very subtle pink gracing his skin tone. More noticeably; she observed how the color in his lips and eyes returned back.. almost appearing normal.

She unconsciously found herself rising; panic still occupying all of her senses. She quickly unfolded her legs and steadied herself as she stood up.. One thought and one thought only rang through her mind like a sick mantra..

I need to get the fuck out of here.

Mallory tried to gasp as she suddenly felt her throat grow incredibly dry; she let out a desperate dry cough. Her eyes started to tear up unwillingly as she felt a enormous amount of self doubt suddenly surge into the core of her being - the feeling slipping momentarily into her soul.

The world around her began to spin and melt away simultaneously; until she felt her physical body melt away from Michael and the Murder House incredibly rapidly before she could even fully process what was happening.

She felt the harsh coldness of the bath tub water for a split second before she emerged; the black water engulfing her as she stayed partially concealed within the water. Immeadietly she found herself gasping and gagging on her tongue from not being able to breath possibly fast enough... The next thing she felt was otherworldly pain. She felt so much fucking pain.

Mallory gripped the edge of the bathtub until her fingertips turned white and her nails threatened to split. She stayed like that for a moment; spitting and gasping, trying to find a way to consume as much oxygen as possible while managing the nearly unimaginable pain. Her entire body throbbed but her eyes felt a different pain; a sickly stinging.

Keeping her posture and preventing herself from slipping entirely back into the black water was a fucking mission in itself, she quickly learned. She didnt even bother to pretend to be quiet.. Her breaths and groans were far too loud to even begin to ignore.

Is Michael still alive?  Where is Myrtle?

Mallorys lungs seemed to return to normal capacity after a while, her gasping decreased until she was utterly and completely quiet. She arose from the water as quietly as she possibly could, biting her lip to prevent making any additional noise from the sudden cold air she felt against her body.. stinging and torturous..

Her eyes still ached, bringing her hands instinctively to her eyes to stop the pain - she realized ones of her hands was still balled into a fist.. holding onto something.

Was that.. is that MICHAELS hair??

Mallory stared at the once curly, perfectly golden strands of hair that lie in her balled up fist in complete horror - it was now a dark red from the blood that had washed off her skin and into the water.

There was no way this was HIS hair. It had to be someone elses; anyone elses! She refused to believe that she was holding onto anything that belonged or had to do with Michael... complete disgust and delirium rendered her from thinking that.

Her first instinct was to drop the hair; but something told her to keep holding onto the lock, it would only serve her well in the future.

Her vision was inky with blood; dark red clouding her vision and making her feel even more impaired and utterly hopeless then she already felt.. even with the large wound still gaping and bleeding from her stomach. Her stomach wound made her entire body ache, trying to stay conscious was a fight within itself.

It happened again. I failed.

She wasnt sure if she was just being cynical or if her thoughts were even to be trusted anymore when she was in this state.. she only knew she wanted this horrible nightmare to be fucking over with already. She wanted to wake up in Robichauxs and see her sisters; Misty, Madison, Queenie, Zoe and more than anyone.. Cordelia... Oh fuck.

Cordelia... She was still dead.. because of me.

Mallory blinked slowly a few times; taking her free hand and wiping as much blood away from her face and eyes as she could - just enough so she could fully take in her surroundings.

If she could feel her stomach; she was sure she would feel it drop because as much as she looked, she saw no one. Absolutely no one. Tears slipped down her cheeks but they werent bloody anymore. She knew she was completely fucked; he had her cornered.

Well not literally anyways. He still managed to lurk somewhere within the vast empty walls of Outpost Three; most likely looking for her.. but he had to know she was fatally wounded.. right? 

That's when out of the thick silenceness, she heard the first sign of life. Loud; but distant heavy footsteps.

Michael.

She knew she was fucked right away. She could almost feel his spirit itself within Hawthorne; the feeling slowly flowing to her until it forced her to be frozen. Petrified, still sopping wet and with some left over blood dripping off her chin - she knew what she had to do.. and she only had seconds to do it. Mallory knew he was approaching closer and closer the longer she stood docile in the bathtub.. like a idiot.

She took deep, heavy breaths. Fully; for the first time, cherishing the feeling of oxygen in her lungs - knowing that she very well might not make it out alive. Preforming time travel once alone was a enormous feat; but she had already done it twice.. but three times?

The thought simultaneously scared and excited her; she continued take deep breaths before relaxing. Closing her eyes and focusing; searching for a moment in Michael's history to go back too.

There had to be another time Michael was weak besides when he was with Constance at the murder house.. Another time that he felt abandoned.. lost.. confused..

She swallowed as she felt and focused on the soft strands of hair that she held onto; trying to search desperately for the answer that she needed as she took the next step and plunged herself under the water, first barely managing to weakly whisper, "tempus infinituum".

The water tore at her skin as she felt herself letting go from the past reality... slowly yet rapidly her senses seemed to all melt away at once before she was floating- until nothing.

Suddenly Mallory opened her eyes, blinking as she kept calm as she adjusted to her new surroundings.. an open, nearly empty forest was what welcomed her as she slowly spun around.

The smell of pine leaves and the heavy scent of the forest consumed her senses. She first felt calm and at peace; the forest was beautiful. She almost felt tempted to forget about what she came here to do and to lose herself within the sea of greenery but.. something was terribly wrong.

More so; someone was here.

Mallory first stood still; puzzled as to why she was now standing in a vacant forest with pine needles at her feet.

She didnt dare say a word out loud, just in case, but she knew she was waiting for something before she dared to take a step.. she was waiting for a sign. She didnt bat a eye when she felt a soft, warm breeze tousle her hair forward. She felt it continue to crash against her body - almost like soft waves crashing upon rocks. She felt it on her warm skin; her skin getting goosebumps as she knew what this meant. She was getting her sign.

This is it. Is he here?

Mallory giggled at the mere thought; the anticipation and glee of imagining how this nightmare perhaps could be over in the near future was making her experience true euphoria.

She began to walk through the forest; passing several trees as she searched for what she was yearning for. The breeze was far gone by now but she knew to keep going; to keep looking. She looked at the forest landscape that lie ahead of her; a sea of moss and blended greens and blues. The forest didnt have the same magic it typically held though; something was missing.

It was because she was getting closer to him.

Mallory had to suppress a scream as she suddenly felt herself step on something that wasnt the forest floor. She felt a painful shiver run directly down her spine, almost as if someone was running a blade down her back. She was becoming consumed with panic once more; and with the sudden realization what was happening.. What this meant.

It was pure reflex which caused her to take a step back; even before she had the opportunity to look down and confirm her suspicions, she knew exactly what she had stepped on. A body.

She quickly looked down at what she had stepped on - not able to take the anonymity of the individual any longer.. and of course..

I fucking knew it.

She recognized who it was immeadietly, curly blonde hair that was mangled with dirt and a typical black outfit.. it was too easy to guess the identity of the body. He was face down, his body sprawled out unnaturally and in a uncomfortable manner..

It was once again; Michael Langdon.

Taglist: @mina672 @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakewaterxx @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon @beyond-repentance @lizzy-claire-fandom

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 272: (Directed by Michael Bay)

Previously on BnHA: The My Child Soldiers Academia arc finally started to live up to its name as Tokoyami became the first (but I assure you not the last) victim of traumatic mental scarring courtesy of Horikoshi’s sick games! So he and Dark Shadow showed up to stop Dabi from murdering Hawks and were all “please don’t kill our mentor.” Dabi was all “AH BUT YOUR MENTOR KILLED SOMEONE ELSE, AND ISN’T THAT JUST LIKE THE HEROES THOUGH, THEIR HANDS ARE SO STAINED WITH BLOOD” and then he tried to set both of them on fire several times in succession. Hawks was all “Tokoyami just run away while he’s in the middle of his five-hour sermon” and so they tried but Dabi followed them! But then Geten was all “ALL RIGHT EVERYONE... CHILL” and fucking froze everything for no discernible reason, and Tokoyami fled the building with an unconscious Hawks in tow as the battle raged on. The chapter then ended with Gigantomachia being all “I smell my master!” and standing up, hahaha oh fuck.

Today on BnHA: Well you guys are not going to believe this, but it turns out that Tomura waking up is actually a very bad thing. A “worst case scenario” if you will! Because, get this, he has a quirk that can destroy anything, which spreads from whatever he touches to fucking everything and everywhere else. Gosh, if only we’d known about this since like 35 chapters ago. If only we’d had a spy among the villains who could have warned us, and three entire months to plan our attack, and literally every single hero in Japan on call to help us when the time came. Anyway so you’re really going to be shocked by this I’m telling you, but it turns out that when a crazy powerful person who wants to destroy everything finally wakes up, he immediately starts destroying everything with his crazy power. So X-Less dies and Crust dies and everyone else runs, and meanwhile the kids, who are on the outskirts of the city finishing up the evacuation, stand there in shock as the plot rampages toward them ready to swallow them whole. The chapter ends with Deku powering up to FORTY-FIVE PERCENT YEAHHHHH, and oh shit. Finally we’re doing this.

I am not even remotely done with all the shit I’m supposed to be finishing up, but fuck it, I need a break and reading the new chapter is by far the funnest thing on my current to-do list, so!

OH SNAPS MY BOY HAS FINALLY OPENED HIS EYES

IT ONLY TOOK HIM... OKAY LOOK I’M NOT GOING TO GO BACK AND COUNT ALL OF THE CHAPTERS, BUT LET’S SAY... FIFTEEN. ...HUNDRED. CHAPTERS TO FINALLY SNAP TO IT AND COME JOIN THE PARTY. BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! PROBABLY. AHH LET’S JUST READ ON

-- ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohm --

[puts on glasses and unfolds map while poring through a mess of scribbles on post-it notes] -- hold up, if my calculations are correct, I’m pretty sure “somewhere a bit further from the hospital” is, in fact, where a certain THREE TROUBLE-PRONE DISASTERS ARE CURRENTLY HOLED UP. AHHH

can it really be true. are we finally rejoining our protagonist and his buddy cop friends after 97 years. how will everyone react to Deku reacting to Tomura waking up ahhhh

so Burnin’ is yelling at the civilians to let them know if they have any family or friends who need assistance evacuating

god I hate the fact that this is a fucking understatement

they’re not taking any chances after Kamino and Fukuoka huh. fool them once, shame on you. fool them twice, oh shit. but there will not be a third time! no one fucking destroys three cities in the span of six months on their watch, no sirree

(ETA: ...)

lol the kids are trying to get the elderly citizens on a bus to evacuate, but a lady is trying to give them candy and Kacchan and Ochako are of two different minds on whether or not to accept

Kacchan is absolutely right about Ochako’s motivations, but in her defense, who the fuck turns down free chocolate

IIDA!!

FUCKING CHRIST JAPAN IT’S 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T SWITCHED TO DIGITAL RECORD-KEEPING? WHY IS THIS THE MOST REALISTIC THING IN THE ENTIRE MANGA TO DATE. MY GOOD SIR, IIDA IS LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH, ALL RECORDS AND BUILDINGS ABSOLUTELY CAN AND WILL BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED IN THE CARNAGE TO COME. I’M SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU OF THIS, BUT DAMN IT SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

(ETA: I sure hope these poor bastards had good insurance.)

also. this man here who looks like Beaker from the Muppets, who presumably has the power of Doing Anything Those Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Men That You See Outside Of Car Dealerships Can Do. ...yes. that’s it. that’s an intentionally incomplete sentence with a subject but no predicate. I just feel like we should all sit and stare at him for a good thirty more seconds before continuing on with our lives

OH MY GOD

THEY’RE EVACUATING THE PETS TOO AHHHH. EXCUSE ME CERTAIN SOMEONES WHO THINK ALL HEROES ARE “DIRTY.” I SEE YOUR ARGUMENTS AND RAISE YOU THIS ONE SINGLE PANEL. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. NOW WHAT DABI. AT A LOSS FOR WORDS I SEE. YOU JUST SIT AND PONDER THAT FOR A WHILE

is... this... a space shuttle man

is this literally just a man with a Boeing for a head. FUCKING QUIRKS THOUGH!!!!! ~*~wild~*~

OH MY GOD AND WE’RE BACK

time for some HORCRUX SHENANIGANS!! IS YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR BURNING DEKU. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED IS BACK AHHHH

so now he’s slightly hunching forward with his hands pressed together and Todoroki is immediately sensing that something is wrong ahhhhh

(ETA from like 5 days later: I had that as “Tokoyami” instead of “Todoroki” for the better part of a solid week you guys. SHOUTO YOU WERE GONE FOR SO LONG I FORGOT YOUR FUCKING NAME whoop.)

here come dat angst. here comes Horikoshi’s hand beckoning the trio closer and welcoming them to the pain parade ahhh. from now on that’s how I’m ending all my sentences btw. it just seems right. ahhh

OH MY LORD OH MY

ladies and gentlemen, YOU WERE SAYING DEKU DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LATELY? HE’S NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH AS A PROTAGONIST, IS HE? well maybe that’s because Horikoshi has been saving this one juiciest of plot nuggets for a rainy day precisely like this! BRING ON THAT CHOSEN ONE ANGST AHHHHH

anyway so yes it is indeed OFA speaking to him in the form of Lil Bro a.k.a. the first user

lol I’m trying to think of commentary but it’s difficult seeing as I’M ALREADY SCROLLING DOWN TO IMPATIENTLY READ THE NEXT PAGE

lmao the fuck

okay Princess Zelda. can you get any more flowery with those descriptions though. A TRANSCENDENT BEING. A SUPERLATIVE ENTITY. A SUBLIME, PREEMINENT ORGANISM. FREED FROM ITS SHACKLES. UNFETTERED BY ALL EARTHLY LIMITATIONS

OH MY GOD

it absolutely boggles my mind that this guy is somehow still alive. ??! how many chapters and panels has it been now. he’s like the goat in the t-rex pen in fucking Jurassic Park. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET EATEN ALREADY

...

do you... want a blanket. ...?

(ETA: do you ever just. wake up and you’re like “ah shit it’s cold”, and then you destroy an entire city. mm.)

do you all suppose X-Less is fully aware that he’s about to die though? he hasn’t even moved. I imagine that sitting next to Tomura actually is much like sitting next to a giant t-rex. like he has to know there is no getting out of this alive. poor guy

damn Mic isn’t even looking back he’s just running back into the main room where all the rest of them are

wow this fight is still going on

I don’t know why, I just expected it to all magically be over all of a sudden now that we have bigger things to worry about. do you guys remember when we were all worried about the High End Noumus being the biggest threat. hahahahaha

(ETA: moment of silence for ALL OF THE FUCKING HIGH ENDS lmao. that did not go how I expected that plotline to go AT ALL, but at least we got the best fucking battle in the entire manga out of it.)

jesus CHRIST ENOUGH WITH THIS

WE GET IT TOMURA IS DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND EVIL AND AWAKE!!! JUST PLEASE GET TO IT ALREADY GOD I’M BEGGING YOU

FINALLY

goddammit. my reaction to this should have been much more “!!!” and “OH SHIT”, but he dragged it out so much that my initial reaction was one more of relief than horror. maybe it’s because of the way I read the chapters, constantly pausing to do commentary as I go along, but whenever a chapter has a ton of panels of people just staring into the distance awash with dread, it really stands out to me lol. there’s only so much I can write about that kind of thing. ah well at least we’re finally getting to the action

I genuinely can’t tell if Ujiko is frightened that he’s about to be disintegrated by Tomura’s quirk, or excited that Tomura is awake

maybe both lol. well don’t worry you’re not gonna die that easily, much as you would not catch me complaining if you did

thanks Gran

lol where was all this speed throughout the rest of this arc though. “we’re only competent when the plot necessitates it” huh. is that right

oh shit it’s destroying the rest of the lab

those are all of Ujiko’s collected quirks, right? someone please tell me if this is a good or a bad thing. on the one hand if they’re all destroyed it means Tomura can’t get them and Ujiko can’t make any more Noumus. but on the other hand this means they won’t ever be able to give them back to the original users (if any of them are even still alive). and also that’s a lot of evidence that’s being wiped out as well

oh shit they didn’t know about this?!

even after Deika City, you didn’t put two and two together?? even with all of Hawk’s intel?? what the hell did you think happened there?

well this explains why everyone was so la-dee-da-no-rush about capturing him though. well that’s on you guys. next time maybe don’t waste 20 minutes uselessly battling redshirt Noumus while Mirko has to do everything herself

anyway so I feel like people other than X-Less are almost certainly going to die here, and fuck. I’m not ready for any of this

AHH THE KIDS

BIT SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THERE KACCHAN LOL. FOR A MOMENT YOU HAD ME WORRIED THERE WAS SOMEHOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THREAT APPROACHING FROM THE OTHER SIDE, BEFORE YOU TURNED AROUND TO LOOK WHERE THE OTHERS WERE LOOKING

ALSO JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT SHOUTO’S DAD IS IN THAT HOSPITAL, ALONG WITH THEIR TEACHER! HERE. COME. DAT. ANGST

LOOK AT THIS CONSPICUOUSLY INTACT BUILDING AS IT STANDS THERE ALL OMINOUSLY WITH THE NEARBY BIRDS AND CRITTERS FRANTICALLY FLYING AWAY

I want to see it crumble so bad. now this is the kind of foreboding cinematic disaster movie bullshit I can get into

FFFF WHY IS THIS PANEL SO HARD TO SEE

THERE’S TOO MUCH CHAOS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST AMIDST ALL THESE SHATTERING AND FALLING TUBES, BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS SAFE AHHH

...okay so I see Ryuukyuu in the top right, and I think that’s RockLockRock on her back. Thirteen is clearly there in the bottom center, but I don’t know who that is next to them. and then of course Gran and Mic on the left. and a bunch of others spread out in various other places, but... where the hell is Aizawa??

OH THANK GOD

FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI, I KNOW FULL WELL YOU’RE NOT JUST GOING TO KILL OFF THE WORLD’S PREEMINENT DAD STRAIGHT UP OUT OF THE BLUE HERE, AND YET I STILL FELT ANXIETY AT THIS LAST PANEL. HOW DID YOU EVEN

BITCH YOU BETTER LET THE FUCK GO BEFORE I --

!!!

oh my god I gasped in real life. stop making me fear for the lives of main characters!!

he. he --. crust. he. ...

I literally stopped reading and had to stop and cover my mouth with both of my hands I’m

silence. no screaming. no flailing. no freaking out. just silence

shit. rest in peace you old sedimentary bastard. respect to you for saving the father of my children in your last fleeting moments. I still have not the slightest idea how you rose through the ranks to somehow become the sixth fucking highest rated hero (HERO BILLBOARD CHART, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU FEELING OKAY), but you sure did go out with style though

also this may be tacky of me to point out during such an emotionally charged moment, but one second Aizawa is wearing his goggles like normal, and the next they’re suddenly pushed up onto his forehead so we can see the anguish in his bloodshot eyes. there was no reason to do that other than angst and we all know it. so yes Shouta you dramatic bitch, I am calling you out. why Horikoshi felt he had to add to your many accumulated traumas is beyond me. you don’t deserve this and I am so, so sorry

OH GOOD I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK WHERE THE FUCK ENDEAVOR WAS

seeing as we just went over this with Gran, I will take the high road here and won’t ask why you’re only this fast now and couldn’t have been this useful this ages ago back before Tomura woke up. oh wait does sarcastically saying I won’t bring it up count as bringing it up. well whatever. middle road, then

sob I’m getting flashbacks to the end of Return of the Jedi when they’re all frantically flying out of the Death Star as it explodes

friendly reminder that Ryuukyuu, clearly the fastest one here despite carrying like 20 people, was number 10 in the rankings for some unknown reason. again, r.i.p. Crust you well-meaning geriatric soul

also just a stray thought, I hope it’s clear now why it was so important to give Deku those additional quirks. at a minimum he needs Blackwhip and Float just so he doesn’t instantly die the moment he’s in Tomura’s general vicinity. sob I’ve joked so much about flying quirks and here they are becoming fucking prerequisites now

anyway so Ujiko is mourning the loss of his lab, which again, good riddance mostly. but r.i.p. that evidence though

(ETA: nah the “total loss” part is referring to how the heroes fucked up so soundly and thoroughly. anyway no one would blame Mic if he accidentally dropped Ujiko in the midst of all this chaos, I’m just saying. I guess they need any intel he could still provide now more than ever though.)

OH MY GOD!!

LAUNDRY HERO WASH?! THIS SUDSY BOI CAN ACTUALLY KICK ASS WHAAAAT

oh my god oh my god it’s still spreading??!

fuck fuck fuck at this rate it’ll reach the kids

(ETA: that happened really fast actually.)

-- oh FUCK NO you had better NOT FUCKING TOUCH FUCKING PIXIE BOB, I WILL MAIL MYSELF TO JAPAN PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC. DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN THAT SAYS “OFF-LIMITS.” RESPECT THE SIGN

SOB SHE’S SO BADASS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S STILL DISINTEGRATING FUCCCCCK. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING

AHHHHH

I can’t tell if her earthbending was able to stop it or not?? god help us all if it didn’t, I’m not even sure what else could stop it at this point

SHUT UP UJIKO!!

they really did. only to fuck it up completely at the finish line. well, the man most singularly responsible for it is dead now, again r.i.p. Crust you useless old legend

lmao despite myself

“by a miracle, or maybe through sheer will” even he acknowledges that Tomura waking up was basically complete bullshit. yes blah blah yadda yadda got zapped by some exposed wires explanation science. because we all know that getting electrocuted will fix you right up when your heart has stopped and you have completely flatlined. you can definitely trust Horikoshi on this and there’s absolutely no need to google how defibrillators actually work

also is he somehow wearing a cape now. again by a miracle or maybe through sheer will

YESSSSSSS

(ETA: one has to wonder what Ujiko’s plan was, assuming this scheme had actually played out. were they just banking on Tomura not waking up cranky and disoriented and wanting to test out his power. his quirk doesn’t exactly distinguish friend from foe here I’m just saying.)

the part of me that goes all “ooh ahh” when all the buildings explode in Independence Day is singing inside. but never fear, the rest of me is appropriately horrified though. what was that Burnin’ was saying about the city becoming a large-scale battle zone? sob

also this page sure serves as a nice refresher for exactly why Tomura Waking Up Was Bad, which was inexplicably a topic of some debate in recent weeks. yes in spite of everything the villains are still the bad guys who’d have thought. almost as if the purpose of humanizing a character is to show that they’re human, not that they’re right

WHAT’S THIS NOW???

WELL I’LL BE. IT’S BEEN AN EVENTFUL THREE MONTHS, APPARENTLY!??

HOOAHHHHHHHH

IT’S A BIRD IT’S A PLANE IT’S A BADASS OH SHIIIIITTTTTT

finally finally finally!!!!!!

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN, REPEAT, THE SHIT HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL FAN. THE PLOT IS FINALLY HAPPENING, REPEAT, THE PLOT IS FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENING AHHHHHH

and there is no one coming to save them this time. no one to arrive at the last second and say “it’s all right now because I am here.” they have to save themselves. they have to save everyone. the training wheels are finally coming off. the safety net has been removed. after 272 chapters, the story has finally reached a point where these kids, these children, who in spite of all they’ve been through have been protected and shielded from the worst of it up till now, will finally have to be the ones to save the day all on their own

and they are not ready. but also maybe they kind of are??! but they definitely are not. and oh god oh god oh god, FINALLY WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS. TIME TO FIX THE MESS THOSE SILLY GROWN-UPS MADE, CHILDREN. YOU GOT THIS

[pekorosu]

just a lil “if ash lived” headcanon that i need to unload somewhere bc i've been holding it in for a long time

- set within the manga ‘verse

- takes place when ash and eiji are in their early 30s... so around the mid 1990s?

- i don’t get the weird animanga trope where older = longer hair, so they’re gonna look the same... maybe with slightly shorter hair bc they get regular haircuts now 

- (note: i've always interpreted long-haired eiji as symbolic of the fact that he couldn't move on from ash’s death)

- ash and eiji will continue living in the states, idk if still in NYC or somewhere else. they’ll move around a lot though.

- ash will mostly remain underground as he had to fake his death after lao’s stab, but he does it in a "hiding in plain sight" kind of way. only a handful of people know he’s still alive.  

- ash spends most of his time on the computer, mostly coding, hacking, being a nerd, among other fun stuff.

- he also takes on “jobs” anonymously, and occasionally from max (who’s still into investigative journalism) when he needs info that can only be obtained through Dubious Means.

- i also like to think that ash's a bit of a hacker robin hood lol. but he isn’t doing it purely out of the goodness of his heart, as part of it is a subconscious need to atone for his “sins” and cleanse the gnawing and persistent feeling of shame that gets amplified when he’s around eiji.

- also whatever he’s up to these days would ofc still be Highly Dangerous and Illegal, but it keeps him busy and would sate the part of him that’s still hungry for adrenaline without him having to engage in stuff like active bloodshed or substance abuse. basically that’s how i imagine he’d try to cope with life the only way he knows.

- eiji continues to do photography and other part time gigs bc he does not like the idea of mooching off ash forever, and he slowly makes a name for himself.

- ash and eiji live together but they are NOT together in a romantic sense... not yet >:)

- therefore eiji will probably date other people in the meantime, which gets a little troublesome bc it's not like he can bring them home to where his secret Very Important Friend is secretly hiding.

- ash will maybe have one-night stands every now and then. or not. idk. this isn’t a very important detail.

- anyway there will be lots of clueless but mutual pining :)

- ash especially, is of the opinion that they should start living separately bc someone will eventually track him down, maybe someone who has a past or present grudge on him. combined with his current activities, it’s only a matter of time before eiji would unwittingly get dragged into his problems again.

- eiji is v adamantly against that plan bc he's sorta developed a debilitating sense of paranoia that ash might just get killed somewhere while he’s not looking. not that ash isn’t paranoid either, but his insecurities often tip the scale over to “eiji is safer away from me” than “with me”.

- basically they’re doing their whole “stay. no, leave. no, stay” dance all over again, but like, dragged out over MANY YEARS.

- you thought eiji’s letter would’ve cleared up any crossed wires? 

- HELL NO

- like yea, there was probably a beautiful honeymoon period of about a year or two after they reunited, before their respective trauma and issues started creeping in and fucking things up again.

- esp on ash’s end, i think he’d engage in a lot of self-sabotage. and eiji is only human, he has his own limits and baggage too.

- there will be a government conspiracy plotline but on a smaller scale compared to canon that i am unfortunately not knowledgeable enough to worldbuild on, but it will probably have something to do with cybercrime/cyberterrorism/stuff like that bc it needs to tie in with ash's hacking shenanigans.

- i've heard that sing ends up becoming some sorta political big shot in yasha? idk, i haven't read it myself, but since china’s rising status was mentioned in GoL i imagine the plot should relate to that somehow.

- therefore sing would also get to be in this story! 

- i guess this means yut-lung would come into the picture at some point as well, and it would be a good opportunity for a redemption arc but i haven’t given it much of a thought bc i’m indifferent to his character orz SORRY.

- look i can’t do plot, but i am basically envisioning a political thriller with a side of slow burn romance (wait, you mean like a rehash of canon?)

- i’m thinking max is the one who kicks off the story by bringing something fishy to ash, and they just end up uncovering more and more and MORE stuff as they keep going.

- so for like 80% of the story, ash and eiji will be separated bc ash will be busy spying or infiltrating something... and being at the center of Plot Things, while max and eiji will be more on the outside dealing with the journalist side of things. i’m fond of max-ash interactions but i’m also REALLY CURIOUS about max-eiji’s dynamic :D

- meanwhile sing will be like, half in and half out i imagine. he's versatile like that lol

- ...i did NOT mean that in a dirty way

- anyway, this will provide ash and eiji ample space to work out their issues separately, as i think living in close quarters for so many years has actually been aggravating them. ofc those issues don’t get 100% resolved by the end, but some time apart from each other to cool off and spend with other people should provide a bit of perspective.

- i want ash to make some NEW FRIENDS (!!!) that are on the same wavelength as him bc there’s only so much that he can tell eiji and i’m sure he gets rather lonely, so there will be OCs that he will meet in the middle of Plot Things.

- ash will get trapped at some point. preferably with sing so they can have a much needed heart-to-heart talk. they’ll have a lot to hash out, ranging from the events in BF, shorter’s and lao’s death, all the way to ash’s love life. 

- btw i like the idea of eiji and sing being close drinking buddies who confide in one another but ash is kinda, justalittle, not very happy about that LOL 

- i mean, it's not like eiji can confide in ash when ash is the topic at hand, ya get me? as for sing, he’s similar to ash in the sense that they live dangerous lives, so i imagine he just finds it nice to be able to hang out with someone mundane like eiji every now and then.

- not to say that ash and sing aren’t talking to each other at all, but i think they’d have a bit of a rift between them. sing probably does feel some resentment, both at ash for killing lao AND at himself bc he knows deep down that given a choice, he would’ve saved ash over his own brother. ash can sense that tortured vibe, so eiji’s like their middle man. AND THAT’S WHY THEY NEED A HEART-TO-HEART TALK

- (SIDE NOTE: i want akira to have a role in this too. i actually have a separate headcanon that happens prior to this story... kinda like an alternate GoL? 

akira goes to the states to visit eiji, but ash is also there, yeah? akira and ash start out sorta prickly with each other bc ash is all weird and standoffish and always cooped up in his room. she probably mistook him as a jobless model mooching off eiji at first since 1) eiji and ibe have never spoken about him back in japan (cuz he’s supposed to be dead), 2) why would eiji be living with some random hot guy? unless they met during one of his photography gigs? right??? 

and then she ends up witnessing them in the middle of a tiff, which makes her not like ash even more bc HOW DARE HE YELL AT POOR OKUMURA-SAN??? UNGRATEFUL JERK!!!

but over the course of her visit, she snoops around learns a bit about their history and gathers hints as to why their r’ship is kinda strained. also ash and akira somehow end up bonding (reluctantly) over their emotional insecurities and part on a friendly rivalry to win over eiji’s affections (which eiji is completely oblivious to. also akira may have been 100% serious but ash was just jokingly playing along with her (OR WAS HE???)). anyway long story short, ash teaches akira some cool tech/IT stuff along the way so that leads to her gaining an interest in the field. 

she won’t be able to do much in this story, but a minor role would be cool :)

 ^ a lighthearted gyoza-making scene amid all the angst)

- (SIDE NOTE #2: i ALSO want cain to feature in this, but bc canon provided very little bg info on him it’s hard for me to figure out where he’d fit. but i suppose that’s precisely why it would be great to include him, since i can just make up my own backstory! lol. for now, i think he should be connected to one of the new OCs to make him more central to the plot. or heck, he can be involved himself! ...yeah, i’m just salty about how cain was treated more like a convenient plot device compared to the other major side characters. we barely know anything about him even though he was one of ash’s most trusted allies. #caindeservedbetter2k20)

- anyway, back to the main story. ash (and his new "friends") barely escape where they’re held hostage. ash would be rusty with combat now as he’s spent the past few years doing only stealth work and being rather sedentary. 

- so there’ll be lotsa old man!ash jokes like them poking fun at him whenever he complains about his back hehe

- when they finally emerge outside they find themselves in the middle of nowhere! they then hijack a passing pickup truck and do a roadtrip back to civilisation. ROAD TRIP FTW

- at this point, quite some time has already passed and ash even has a fuzzy beard and mane and all. he’s standing at the back of the truck with a small smile on his face and the wind blowing in his hair, thinking GONNA GO BACK AND SEE EIJI, MISS HIM LOADS, HELL YEA 

- (bonus: this song and this scene is the catalyst for this entire headcanon btw)

(drew this about a year ago. i was trying to imitate the manga’s art style... and the ash i had in my mind was a little different. i’m too lazy to redraw, but he’s fuzzier now okay! MORE FUZZ! like an actual freakin LION!)

- meanwhile, eiji and max will get into some deep shit around this point? 

- eiji in the pic above was me imagining that the Bad Guys had tossed some damning evidence (eg. severed body part?) on the ground like “ash’s dead/ash’s in a lot of danger now so hand over all the info u have”

- and eiji and max are like. SHOOKETH

- this would be the 3rd time ash has “died” after all, and as they say... 3rd time's the charm...

- eiji almost gives in, but then max spits in their face like fuck no and then... yeah. they get beat up and taken away or something lol

- EDIT: hmm... what if the Bad Guy is someone IN the government, and he uses his power to get eiji and max arrested for aiding and abetting a wanted fugitive (ash). and then ash has to rescue them... JAILBREAK STYLE

- also it might be cool to introduce ash's mom somewhere in this story... maybe SHE'S the villain! mwahaha *drama intensifies*

- anyways they will get saved by ash and gang bc that’s just the way things go, BUT! only on the condition they already made it out at least 80% of the way bc GODDAMN IT👏LET👏EIJI👏BE👏BADASS👏FOR👏ONCE👏 

- (that is, after he overcomes the initial shock of ash possibly being dead again... again...... again............)

- there will ofc be moments of “oh my god, you’re okay” "i thought i lost you...!"

- something like this, because one can never have enough cheesy reunion scenes

- this will eventually lead to REVELATIONS (of the romantic kind, yes) 

- buuuut they will never say "i love you" directly to each other bc ash is too emotionally constipated and eiji is too japanese. it's okay, they will communicate it through heated stares 👀

- i would love for there to be a scene where they have to be separated again for Plot Reasons and ash sorta hesitantly goes all "...will you wait for me?" as a direct parallel to canon!eiji's "i'll be waiting" and it’s like,

- FINALLY! 

- FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! ash has finally allowed himself to ask for this, to let himself want it! 

- and eiji would be like OF COURSE I WILL YOU BIG DUMMY, ALWAYS AND FOREVER

- but i think it'd be hilarious if eiji pops up while ash's in the middle of the final showdown and ash's like WTF I TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR ME and eiji's like I WAS WORRIED OKAY YOU WERE TAKING SO LONG

- idk how this is supposed to end...

- oh wait! since the plot is government-related, maybe Someone will be able to pull strings to wipe out ash’s criminal record (past and present) and give him a brand new 100% legal identity, as thanks for his efforts? or maybe ash (or sing) just does it himself somewhere along the way LOL. anyway, he’ll be able to start over with a fresh clean slate and finally work on recovery FOR REAL NOW. yes this is a happy ending AND it didn’t require him to go to japan /flips off canon

- ...i realise it’s never going to be that simple but W H A T E V E R

- (also they probably will visit japan in the future with that shiny new passport... gotta meet the in-laws and all y’know)

- who do i gotta pay to write this cheesy self-indulgent fic for me

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

i don’t mean to pry but i was wondering if you were still working on the opposite set of people get snapped fic?

i sure am! it's slow going, but here's a snippet in the meantime

(the peter in this scene is peter quill, btw, not parker)

-

“Oh, and since when are you the expert on time travel anyway, huh?”

Loki opens his mouth to argue, but surprisingly, Hope beats him to the punch. She says, “I’m also wondering why we’re listening to the guy who pulled his own decimation right here on Earth a few years ago.”

Peter blinks. “Who pulled his own what now?”

“Excuse me,” Loki says, ignoring Peter and glaring at Hope. “Was I not on your side about this whole time travel thing in the first place?”

“Yes, and I’m sure you’ll forgive me for not taking everything you say at face value.”

“What kind of ulterior motives could I possibly—?”

“His motives are not in question,” Maximoff says, again in that too-quiet too-ominous tone, a tone that makes it really difficult not to remember that she could tear everyone in this room to shreds with a single thought if she wanted to. She tilts her head in Loki’s direction and says, “He fought alongside us against Thanos, and he has been with us ever since. You, on the other hand—”

“Woah, now, hang on,” Wilson cuts in, standing up and planting his hands on the table. There’s a moment, a single moment where it seems like the argument’s gonna keep on going anyway, but then the tension dips. Maximoff quiets down. Loki rolls his eyes, but he drops it. Wilson goes on, “We’re not questioning anyone’s motives here, alright? We all want the same thing, don’t we?”

“Yeah,” Barnes chimes in. “We do.”

Wilson waits, eyeing everyone in the room like he’s waiting for one of them to start flying off the handle, and when none of them do, he goes on: “Loki’s right. We can’t just go back in time and kill him, but that’s alright. Thanos isn’t what we’re after anyway.”

“What are we after?” Mantis asks.

In lieu of an answer, Wilson taps a button on the little electronic console built into the conference room table, and a series of holograms start shimmering up out of the walls. Six of them, six screens covered in a slew of electronic notes and labels, six screens with an Infinity Stone at the center of each. Power, Space, Soul, Mind, Reality, and Time.

“Oh,” Loki says.

“Yeah,” Wilson says. “It’s not gonna be easy. That’s why we’re having this meeting. Princess, you still think you can finagle some way for us to be able to use all stones to undo what Thanos did?”

“Of course I can,” she says.

“Without killing whoever wields them?” Maximoff asks.

“That’s… a good point,” Loki admits, then looks at Wilson and Barnes. “We saw what Thanos looked like after he used them. He’d lost all use of his arm. The stones nearly killed him. And that was Thanos. None of us is anywhere near as durable as he was— yes, that is including you.”

He glares half-heartedly across the table at Drax, who mutters something that is definitely a disagreement, but Loki doesn’t acknowledge it.

“Wielding just two of the Infinity Stones nearly killed me,” Loki goes on. “Attempting to wield even one of them would likely kill most of you.”

“And there are six of them,” Mantis says, antennae drooping.

The conversation doesn’t end there, but that’s around when Peter loses track of it. The Princess is going into some sciency math-heavy stuff that he can barely make heads or tails of, and Loki starts talking about something to do with magic and burdens and what the Reality Stones actually do to people, which makes a little more sense in the sounds right but who really knows kind of way… and Peter drums his fingers on the table, absently, his mind caught on this one sort of crazy but maybe not-so-crazy idea.

He says it out loud almost without thinking about it.

“What if we all try it?”

[stray-tori]

TPN Vol 8 - Chapters 66-70 Thoughts

[we're already on vol 9 but I'm slow with compiling]

I know I always rag on the "cop out" deaths and it is true that no corpse no dead, and I am curious if there will be any more worldbuilding regarding Lucas' survival (hello deus ex machina person) but uh. Idk. I'm sure it has a point and it makes sense in universe (having him be the reason for the knowledge among GP kids is good) but it just feels a little. Eh. Like it feels like paddling back on a small part of geezers guilt and feelings. In part it also feels like a "reward" for choosing the heroes moral side and going to help save Emma (why ever that happened - ig bc Gilda would blow up the shelter if he doesn't so. YAY).

...

Obviously the development is still his, and he obviously isn't expecting to find anyone alive there, but ig i felt like he was leading up to... healing more through the kids and not one epic Emma speech and "oh your one friend is alive btw" reveal later on. It feels like a spark of hope and happiness for him that I'm not sure if was needed narratively. He already decided he wouldn't harm them.

Like maybe they handle it very differently so i might be jumping the gun here but idk. It just feels a little... weird to me. Probably in a similar way how speeches about Norman hurt but also kind of get that "well uh about that...." Air once you know. I feel for the characters and their separation but it doesn't have the same weight it could have anymore.

In theory it reminds me a bit of the whole gate reveal structure in s2. With a setup being built up or established and a reveal just going "nvm that's not what we're doing".

It makes sense, I'm just not a huge fan of what it does for me for previously established things.

But i guess writing wise it puts its cards on the table with small scale Lucas and then Norman haha.

.

I find it rly funny how much the arc sort of mirrors the s2 arc so far (character assumed dead is alive, new cast of demon kill children introduced, a plan to kill demons).

Ig that might be intentional, for all intents it's a good method of conveying character change. Or different specifics or how things might be judged differently with different specifics (like hunting for enjoyment vs. farming)

I'm totally jumping in on this too early but idk it's interesting to think about.

That and also our whole "There's someone I want you to meet" - "ITS NORMAN" jokes made me think, like you could probably ACTUALLY restructure some of this in a way that would allow Norman's return here instead lol. Could be a fun AU, esp since we have the seeds of a (small-scale) demon annihilation plan anyway.

I also just find it funny to think about Norman grumbling from his future self that Emma agreed to some random guy's plan so easily udkhjsd

Obviously the time is a bit of a mess -- it's only been 3 months? is Adam out bc Norman's escaped already or was Adam just shipped to GP? if he already escaped, our boy is quick - plus, why would he go to GP. the supporters in Lambda probably know it's been compromised, so aside from freeing the children, there isn't a lot of reason to go there and while that may have priority, I feel like 3 months is a bit of a short timeframe for Norman to settle in there well enough -- so it's more wonky than anything BUT IT'S FUN TO THINK ABOUT.

.

btw I find it so funny how Emma has that whole "intent to kill" thing going on now, considering her later moral stance - like it's fair but coming from s2 it's a bit of whiplash haha especially since she's so determined about it right from the start. (though I have no idea if she ever addressed killing demons before this, memory bad)

Though notably she said "she wants to shut down the hunting ground too", not "want to kill them too" - and it's good that she draws a line but IDK IT'S JUST INTERESTING because what bothers her is the toying / no respect for their lives, right? - "this kind of hunt", not hunting in general.

... so like, if you were hunted by a demon in the wild, who didn't toy with you, just killed and ate you, that would be fine then? Idk, it's a very fine line and I get it, but it's interesting to think about. A quick, suffer-less death is of course a valid thing to want if you will die anyway, but you're dead afterwards in both variants.

Of course maybe I'm reading it wrong and it's just her sort of realizing that between mass production farms and GP, they really did have it good, even if they died an early death, and how this is much more hate-worthy than GF's method. Which is true, I suppose, and might expand on the building blocks of her moral development down the line (as in "there's different stages of demon-badness").

.

Also a more funny thought but imagine if Lucas DID have the pen, would... Geezer-senpai just not find the way back? And even if he did would he even get into the bunker? That'd be one tragic ending pff. Tell the person to run away and they can't even go back inside sudhdjd

.

Also i thought about it and isn't it weird that none of the books or materials mentioned what goldy pond actually is? Like youd expect sth that important to be in there.

We know WM wasn't at the bunker in the last 13 years and we know that the books he supplied to GF, the newest one was 2015. What if he was discovered or had to limit his WM activity 30 years ago?

So 30 years ago, he still sent people to goldy pond.

I'm just realizing.... That totally sounds like a setup for minerva to actually be on the demons side or a demon himself sjdhjddj. Like he orchestrates escapees (who are likely to be smart) and then sends them to GP where he and his noble friends can hunt them.

But where i was actually going with this uh, what if GP 30 years ago (potentially longer depending on how long ago he was there last) wasn't actually a hunting a ground? Why would you send kids there without a warning otherwise? What if it WAS a small human community (tho that would likely have been passed around by the inhabitants) or it was at least WM supporter base like the bunker, intended for humans to live there. Not sure about mansion then but YKNOW.

If it was, i wonder if it being discovered was a huge part in WM cover being blown OR if the demons decided to keep it secret bc you know this place is rly convinient haha

I also wonder how wm even finds and builds all these underground things lol. Bc it can't have existed since before the world split i think?

Man has some big construction projects running pfff.

I'm also not sure how that underground thing works-

.

its tori is confused about minor things hour

[Emma takes the axe with right hand, her right hand is still behind her as if she was winding up, but the axe is already thrown?]

like if she had the axe still in hand it'd make sense or if it was in her hand AND spinning, it'd be like "2 frames".

but this?? i am just-

.

im rly late with this but the glove is Lucas' memorial. the pair will only be together again when they reunite :<<

what I want to know is HOW. like the John thing is already questionable but I guess he could have gone back again?? but with this.

he has both gloves when they part he still have one glove on when his arm is gone. but the arm Leuvis has, doesn't have a glove?? So either Leuvis took it off but i wouldn't know why, and just dropped it on the ground for geezer to come pick up ORRRR he took one off for some reason?? maybe he threw it at the demon pff something is very un-continous here and i need answers-

.

the duality of man... not wanting people to know a) your age and b) your name (which you may have forgotten, who knows)

we just assumed geezer's name is censored here but I guess it could be anything haha-

[dragqueenpentheus]

Okay no one has to read this but i DO have to write it:

PYROC VS FATHER PAUL

Ya bitch needs an art break bc im getting angry about voices existing as i try to keep myself entertained. Today is NOT a god one for sinking into repetitive line work and that’s just about all i have on the table atm

SO! Im gunna do a little thinking about my little meow meows all fucked up by religion. Just a comparison for my sanity and interests. Pyroc is my baby i wrote him for the first time years ago. Five?????????? Whadda hell. Going on six.

ANYWAY john joined religion because of his trauma. His sister died and he felt lost. He was unmoored in this fishing village and looking for reason looking for hope. Hed had his heart broken and trying to make sense of tragedy on his own was totally beyond him. Thats why his interactions with riley in AA are SO good like. He knows that confusion and he knows the rhetoric that’s supposed to combat it. Only it dooesnt work for riley.

The same sort of thing happens for pyrc, only inverted. Loss urns him away from god and religion because its SO strong in his family and not only is he loosing trust in god, but his kin as well. He’s suspicious there’s mre they arent telling him, at the point of his fathers death. And he agrees to, on the surface, absolutely wholly throw himself in to being the second the family and the village need. But he’s keeping his treachery under wraps.

That’s one of the coolest things about father paul imo is like. That slow unraveling of what is. Frankly. An awful half assed plan, driven by fear and loneliness and desperation and dementia and love. Even VERY obvious things like. Taking down the newspaper photo of his young self ‘slip’ by him. I think, on some level, its DEEPLY intentional. He wants people to CHOOSE this. He wants people like bev. He wants people who see him and are in aw of him beating god. Of killing death. He wants to be worshiped and adored and for people to come to him willingly, no tragedy driving them to his arms.

Pyroc also wnats to be worshipped, but he ALSO wants to do the worshipping. He really longs for an element of almost????? But not quite??? Subjection?? He wants to be shown something and for a Great Voice to tell him, unquestioningly and unerringly that it is GOOD. Full stop. And then he wants to spend his life worshipping it. But this booko is an exploration of how….. no such thing exists. And more importantly no great voice exists either. There is nothing wholly good, nothing wholy evil. His lack of faith in himself once he becomes god is him starting to understand that as well. Thats on purpose baked into the lore. The starting point was ‘what if god was a position and in order to get promoted you had to be a murderer. No matter what’. He understands things are not wholly good, at that point. I onder how long it will be for him to realize they are not fully evil as well?

Bc pruitt does hm hm hm an interesting move. Where he takes something the narritve is very sure to communicate is EVIL no wiggle room just fact. Even if its driven by animal instinct its. Evil. And he makes it, not just good, but HOLY. And god i LOVEEEE that for him i ADOREEE that what a MOVE. Driven by desperation and dementia and relief and ‘if god saved me than maybe i can be good despite loving and sinning and maybe if i defeat god then i will be Thee Good’. SO sexy of him. Im really fascinated by his morality. He seems to have an understanding of the shades of grey in some respects??? But if he had a BETTER one with more forgiveness in his heart i feel like hed have left the church anyway after sarah was born??? Even if millie didnt ask him??? That might just be my own sensibilities creeping in but ….. like he culd have seen her on the weekends. He can do other jobs. Hes straight (??? Not totally convinced of this) he could have just dated her that makes me crazy. LIKE OBV HE HAD LINES HE THOUGHT THAT WOULD CROSS AND HE HAD INTERNALIZED THE CHURCH AND THE RULES AND SHE WAS MARRIED AND ECT ECT i know he couldnt have really but. Thye were straight. They coulda.

Im not gunna do fantasy homophobia bc i think its …………….. Boring. But i think some element of??? The vindlegaurd line MUST be passed along and for that particular rules must be applied. But thats also boring as hell :/ maybe i can work in my parthenogenesis lore?????????? I bet pyroc would love building that spell in any universe. That’s the sequal when he goes to magic university in helsin. But yeah i do like the concept that. Anyone can have a baby thru magic its just a time and energy commitment. Just a matter of wanting it enough together. Every baby is so deeply wanted and its mere existence is proof. Thats dope i love that. HMMM to be decided at a later date when im deeper into the story i think. I still havent figured out fully how and where and why orion is going to be invovled and if???? Pyroc and orion are even going to be romantic??????? Im torn im TORn…….

Thikns about john bonding w sarah over science and learning and starts wEEPING…. Like theres some surity beloved. Its just a matter of uncovering. I think sarah felt that same thirst for answers and hunted them differently. Her faith is in logic and science. I loveeee her god. Every scene w her and her dad absolutely RUIN me like!!!!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW LOVED SHE IS!!!!!! I hope at hte very end she saw the blood as the gesture of love it SO clearly was and not him trying to poison her. God i love that she spat it out. GOD. Thats about being gay, btw. Spits the religious offering that could save you across the gasoline soaked church floor like BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we as a collective should talk about the possibiites around sarah/erin more. Bc their defiance combined would be. Earth SHATTERING for crockett.

In the future pyroc gets a kid. Ever since that campaign where Enemy ended up playing his daughter im like. How did i NOT know this idiot wanted nothing more in the entire world than to travel it with his daughter. I dont care how or why hes getting a kid. Hed be so doting and awful abut it. He would need orion as a co-parent for the kids self esteem to be normal levels. thINKS ABOUT PAUL GETTING TO RAISE SARAH AND JUST ABSOLUTELY GASSING HER UPPPPPPPP HANGING EVERY DOODLE SHE EVER MADE ON TEH FRIDGE. BOASTING ABOUT HER SCEINECE PROJECT OT ANYONE WITHIN EYESIGHT EVEN THOUGH ‘WE K N O W JOHNWE WERE ALL AT THE SCEINCE FAIR’!!!!!!!!!!! Let these fuck ups be doting fathers im fucking begging. That scene where paul is like. You take ccare of everyone on the island sarah. Its more than being a doctor. You comfort them.

HM HM comfort is such a thing for Miss Bitch like!! He sees it as a Good Thing. He tries to bring it for riley by asking to hold the AA meetings on island ((also manipulation. Obvously also manipulation. I wouldnt have bene shocked if he was slipping the vampire blood into the coffee every meeting either. But thats just a theory. A game theory.)) ANYWAY he sees comfort as hly. The church gave it to him when he needed it. The angel gave it to him in the cave. Feeling safe and warm is HIGH on his list of priorities and what makes him hand over respect.

I think pyroc has lived a very comfortable life in SO many ways, but in none he. Activly recognizes. A key part of his character arc his him…. Opening his eyes to the world around them. Seeing the privilege he has and being like. Wait. This isnt Right. We have to change thi. And when no one agrees ti shifts to I have to change this. With Violence. A little revolutionary <3 it only costs the life of his whole ass family

Thats more fun comparison ground like…… paul is SO much about I know whats right and there is a cost but i AM ignoring it. Like HE KNOOOOWSSSS he knooooows he just doesnt want o See. I’m not sure if im going to surprise yroc with the ……megadeath of. His whole family. Or if it’s a choice he has to activly make. I think a choice makes it more compelling, more layerd. It has to be in the moment though, becaus ei think thats. A key difference between them. Pyroc wouldnt do it.. hed just leave hed peace out and do what he could in small ways. But he wouldnt do his big stand off with god. Hed shrink his goals in order to not hurt his family. Out of love?? Intimidation?? Some instinct wihtin him that balks at the idea of disobedience??? I think even he doesnt know. But i LOVE john becaue he jsut decides to lie. He closes his eyes and says i am being stupid on purpose. I think thats PERHAPS more compelling than good guy coward pyroc BUT!!!!! Thats who he is rip to ths little man. Cant change him now hes a whole ass child in my head. The PLOT i can change. Him….. not without massive character development <3

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MM set my brain on FIRE!!!! Im so glad nano is coming up. I love sharpening pyroc against the comparison of other AMAZING characters. Father paul hill my beloved millstone <3 anyway sorry to anyone who reads this its literally me unhinging my jaw and emptying my brain out. I had to write stuff that wasn’t novel or fic. A little character time down and dirty. I wil NOT be editing this love and light to future me trying to decode this

[winterbuckytho]

When Is It Over

After being missing for 48 hours, Tony Stark comes into the restaurant and is escorted to the table James Rhodey was waiting for him at. Rhodey, always a patient and understanding man wanted to give Tony an absolute earful for disappearing like that. He and Happy had been just about to raise alarms when he got the text "I'm a genius and you know that but I had major breakthrough and can't talk to anyone else. You will never guess who's bed I woke up in."

Rhodey guessed wrong 17 times then finally gave up by texting back. "Uuuugh, I hate it when you’re right! Just tell me!!"

"One Sargent James Buchanan Barnes, the Manchurian Candidate himself. TMI, but we have no boundaries, he's an awesome lay btw. I'll send you info for a meetup and brunch. I need so much coffee."

And so not long after the two sat in a little known upscale place seated at a privately reserved table on a terrace over looking the sea, Rhodey asking how in the flying fuck Tony had ended up at a dick appointment in Wakanda.

"It all started a while ago but what happened last night started the night before last. I kept having this nightmare where Barnes is bearing down on Pepper and my reactor is busted and I'm trapped in my suit, pinned to the floor like a butterfly to a card by one of those creepy bug collectors. Pepper is right there but I can never convince him to not hurt her. Sometimes it's you or Steve and I guess because I watched footage of him before he started remembering stuff... God, the way he gunned after Steve, like a pretty Ultron. And I fought him myself in trigger mode, Christ, his eyes were colder than dry ice and emptier than Bruce's apartment right now... I had it again and sitting up after with a glass of warm milk thought about that exposure therapy thing, what is it called?"

"Systemic Desensitization?"

"Right, anyway, so I called King T'challa and it turned out Barnes was awake. So i asked to see him, explain what I want to try and do because I already have 15 flavors of PTSD, I didn't need a special designer one and reassured nothing like vengeance was even remotely on my mind. I just needed to see him outside the context I had him in before in Siberia so he agreed to have me."

"Whoa, that's a stupid idea. So what happened?"

"Well, he has a convalescent suite in the mines, most secure place on the planet I bet. From himself and from others. I went straight there and was on his doorstep at 2 the next morning. He was still willing to see me and the Princess seems to have figured out how to end his following through with the programming, so he opened the door and..."

--

"Stark, I understand I never even knew you and I fucked up half your lif-" Bucky Barnes began.

“I don't wanna talk about that Barnes..." Tony replied.

"Then what do you want?" Buck asked shaking his head a little at a loss as to why Stark would need to see him this bad. A cold fright made his belly feel full of squirming eels as he wondered what in God's name he had done now. 'Th-they say I'm alright now but before... I hardly remember being brought to Wakanda, everything after my arm was fried off... is just a smudge of awareness. Did I hurt him bad that day, he looks okay but what did I do..?'

"I... fuck, okay, this is one of those times where I am doing a crazy rich person thing, you know. I keep having these dreams... "I remember them all." you said. That's what you said and ever since I feel like I need to face you in a.... I don't know... unfiltered way? I need to know you're not going to... hurt me or Pepper or Steve or Rh-" 

Bucky stood in the doorway his blood chilled to slush in his veins. What did Tony want him to do? Act out some death wish? 'Absolutely fucking not. I will eat a gun before I endanger anyone else. I can't, I literally can't let it happen, even by the most unpredictable accident...' "Tony, what is it you mean for me to do? I'm not gonna fight you, I-i can't, I-"

"Shit, Sarge..."Tony says and aggressively goes in for a kiss. A hard confused long and breathless kiss.

--

"Oh my God, you did not!" Rhodey exclaimed his incredulity impossible to contain.

"You going keep talking or are you going eat your lunch and let me finish?" Stark says a little miffed even if he wouldn't say that word unironically.

"I thought you were in like, regular killer robots trouble, but this takes the cake, please do go on. I want every sordid detail. I can't tell if I'm more horrified at your taste in guys or frustrated with you for not telling me about what you were going to do."

--

'Oh god my heart is racing faster than that time it almost got its promised dose of metal shards before I could get the other reactor in. I might throw up. But uh yeah, I'll admit it. I'm definitely getting hard. Is this it? Is this what I need to make myself understand he's not a killing machine anymore? For an engineering genius I'm so fuckin' stupid... O-oh ah, is- is he... holding me?' Tony's mind went from one thought to the next so rapidly it almost made him dizzy. But as Barnes wrapped an arm gently about his waist and pulled him closer over the threshold and into his suite, his initial fright at his own actions became quieter and slowed till he was thinking nothing and only letting the electricity of it flow as neurons and synapses and receptors did their work. He could feel Barnes' lips tremble slightly against his as they kissed, cold metal under his palm as it slid up over the smooth curves up to the other man's shoulder, his need now becoming clearer by the second.

Bucky didn't understand what was happening and in ordinary circumstances would like to know and love someone before getting closer this way. It felt wrong at first and he was so hypervigilant he was half convinced his body was acting on its own to attack Tony until the man moaned deeply in to the kiss, the sound of it long and greatly pleased. Barnes pulled away a moment looking at Stark. "What is this? I... I’m afraid I don't understand..."

"You and me both, pal. Oh no, Steve is rubbing off on me.... But yes... I'm figuring something out. Can we go to your room?"

"I- uhm sure it's... uhm... on the left. End of the hall."

"Come on, I can make it fast."

"I... had no idea you..."

"Again. You and me both, pal. Turned out my heterosexual philandering was me performing gender conformity and trying to hide from anything real about myself. I think I swing both ways. Or multiple ways at once." Tony said leading to the bedroom. He took off his jacket and tossed it over the back of a chair by a small table in the room and sat on the edge of the bed. 

Buck sat next to him and said "Ah. Well, you're not alone in that. If I had a nickel for all the girls I had hanging on my arm while hiding the truth..."

"Wow. I mean... The length Steve was going for you... I didn't realize it was a two way street."

"Yeah, I'm fuckin' stupid for that boy. All those years... and then the first one I see his face again, the curse was lifted. Kinda like a fairytale." Barnes laughed.

Tony laughed too. A genuine happy sound he had been too anxious to properly make the last few months. Hearing Bucky say it like that, he knew they both loved the same things in their favorite star spangled dumbass. Another layer of fear melted and he grasped Bucky's metal hand. "Is this going to hurt what you got going for him? I can stop, find some other way to work through how I'm feeling about everything..."

"No, its okay. I...think I understand what you need."

"Oh yeah?"

"We were never properly introduced and until you know who a man is, he will always be a stranger."

'I'll be damned... that's kinda exactly what this is. I need to know him. I need to know him inside out like how I know Steve. It took almost dying together a few times for us to become friends. This is the express route for me and Barnes.' Stark sniffed and nodded then said abruptly, "But first I... I’m sorry. I'm sorry things went down how they did for you, I'm sorry for reacting that way when I found out our... connection. I- well I was going to say I'm sorry I blew your arm off but I'll say it when I'm sure I won't be lying. I had seen you kill a dozen people that day and I'm still scared shitless of you."

The room was quiet a moment as Bucky carefully gathered so he wouldn't burst in to tears before he could say it. "I'm sorry as well. I never got to apologize to any of their families before. So thank you too."

"Hey." Stark said quietly. He was beginning to truly feel something about Bucky other then that fever pitch fear. The time Barnes had come within a second of shooting Tony straight in the god-damned face came back to him but he didn't see that man in this moment. "I want to believe you so, come on. Make love to me and show me who you really are."

--

"Oo, you was being all smooth with it, okay, alright, Mr Stark, turn the swag on..." Said Rhodey.

"One of these days, Alice, right to the moon." Replied Tony.

"Ha ha, okay, I'll stop. One of these days...”

--

Barnes nodded and turned further to Tony reaching a hand out. He used the side of his index finger to take Stark's chin and tug lightly guiding him towards himself and beginning to kiss him in soft slow motions. "Do you want me to take charge a bit? Because I don't think I want you to make it fast."

"Hah~ I uh... don't mind, bottom, top as long as you're comfortable."

"How bout we work it both ways. I mean sure I'm big and can probably punch out that whole wall down in less than 3 minutes but I have a... softer side too."

"Being little spoon is nice..." Stark replied with a small smile pulling his tie vest and shirt off. He was endeared further to see Bucky blushing in the low warm light.

Bucky pressed him back on the bed and rolled half on top of him. His was so effortlessly strong his weight could barely be felt as he held himself from simply pinning Tony to the bed under him. Heat began to flush his body as the gentle kisses they traded became more passionate and hungry. A thrum of pleasure pulses outward from his pelvis and Bucky groaned in the ecstasy of it thinking 'Guess it's like riding a bicycle... it's all coming back to me now, huh?...uhn~' while his hips rocked forward pressing down against Tony.

It was a small gesture but so erotically charged, Stark's breath caught in his chest a second then he mirrored it with his hand sliding downwards to explore the stiffening shaft pressed against his thigh. He squeezed and stroked it marveling it a little for it's size and immediately wondering how much of Bucky's size was from the serum. He suspected from the way Barnes handled himself though that it was all Buck. He pulled the waist band of Bucky's pajama bottoms out and down exposing him. Tony's hand wrapped around it and he watched as Bucky's eyelids lowered and he breathed quietly "Oh God hahn..." pecs heaving as he gasped. Stark bit into his lower lip surprised how a sight like that could turn him on and quiet still more of his fear of the man. It humanized Barnes instantly like nothing else he could have made in the Avengers tower r & d labs.

Bucky's erection throbbed, Tony's hand feeling cool on it's hot skin as he took in the sensation just made it even more captivating but he paused a moment before raising himself to stand and pulled his pants off. As he did Tony took off the remainder of his clothes as well and soon they reconvened on the bed together. Tony waited for Buck to lie down then took a position that would serve well for oral. He was surprised to be further guided gently to straddle Barnes' face. They each used oral to the pleasure of the other and it was not long before the room was full of moans and sighs.

Barnes could never explain it but serving someone willingly in this scenario nearly made his mind melt with the extreme arousal building inside him. He moans softly his tongue massaging and circling sensitive skin, probing flicking at the entrance. He can't help how he is drawn in to the movement both soothed and excited by it, all the while feeling heat and soft textures and slick saliva slowly slathered up and down his length paired with a delicious friction he couldn't withstand in stoicism. His hips jerk and thrust up and his arms wrap around Stark's thighs pulling him down against his now wildly thrashing tongue.

"O-ohn hah! Mmm~!" Tony's breathes come fast and eratic as he tries to not be distracted from the task at hand. Which was enjoying Barnes' response to his sucking and licking of the man's cock. He is becoming increasingly intensely aroused to the point of loosing much of his control leaving him trembling and squirming as he struggles to keep his tongue moving. Finally unable to do much else he accepts Bucky's entire length in to his mouth allowing him to thrust himself in and out while Stark groans in deep pleasure at the many sensations.

Bucky came to a point where it wasn't enough and he needed to see his lovers face as well as become the more active party. He slowed his licking and paused one hand grasping Tony's arm and pulling him up to head of the bed French kissing him and enjoying the feel of their tongues sliding about one another. After a few moments they worked into missionary position. Bucky licked his fingers, massaged and stretching Stark making the man whimper and gasp pressing his head back into the pillows. Then he began to penetrate working his tip in slowly, setting urgency aside for a bit to be sure they were both on the same page.

Tony, experiencing great pleasure eagerly thrust his hips up as his calves rested on Barnes' broad strong shoulders. "I-it's okay, I'm experienced, you can go harder, go faster. Oh god~!" Even as he did it he was having a strong sense of sorrow derived from the way Bucky handled his body, with such a care, terrified of himself of hurting anyone. He knew this was because of who he was as a person and not just special treatment. Hydra had commited a deep sin against humanity by making such a man kill against his own will and every minute with the former Sargent made Stark's heart break for him, drowning the animal fear right out with the deep kindness that had stayed true in Barnes’ heart all these years.

Buck nodded now breathing heavily and started to thrust deep and hard at an almost relentless pace, grunting in a low tone his eyes scanning Tony's face drinking the pleasure he caused, this somehow just as pleasing as the direct stimulation of the sex itself. But still he maintained responsibility for both of their well being and carefully examined himself to be sure he could warn if he lost control of himself somehow. His ardor rose and swelled around him and to this he was perfectly happy to lose himself in the moment, his breaths harsh and fast as his powerful thighs and hips worked to thrust and his hands rose to lace his finger with those of both of Tony's hands holding them pressed to the pillow beside Stark's head on either side, Bucky's mouth exploring licking kissing Tony's throat and chest.

"That's it , oh don't stop, don't stop huhn!! Ah aaah hah~!" Tony groaned as he chased his orgasm. 

"Yeah? Ohn~ come on, come with me, come on baby..." Bucky told him between gasps and moans speaking softly into his ear.

It was one of the best climaxes he had ever had and he supposed it had something to do with how emotional the sex had been paired with Barnes commanding him to do it. 'I didn't even feel submissive till he took the reigns, and that's kinda how I like it.' Tony thought. Panting he said "You really must have given those girls a run for their money. And Steve?"

Bucky paused and smiled. It was honestly one of the most beautiful smiles Tony had ever seen. "Actually, I'd bet my left arm he's still a virgin. He's always so focused, no one ever wonders. They think a man like that would have been taken such a thing the first time it presented itself but our history together says otherwise. His birthday wasn't always July 4th, you know?"

"Meaning he didn't always appear to be the reserved type, a no kiss and tell sort of guy. Oh my God, that explains so much. Does he think it's too dirty or something?"

"Nah. He just wants the moment to be right. And it never can be with the world at stake every other day. He says to me, 'We can move to the country or the sea shore and no one will bat a lash. The ring can be made of the perfect materials for your hand and we can just settle down, when the fight is over’. He doesn't know... living is always going to be a fight. There's always a fight. It doesn't end until your heart stops. So he'll always be waiting for the right time and I'll always be waiting for him." His gaze was a bit melancholic, a bit proud and a lot yearning. His crystalline cerulean eyes swam with tears a moment before he closed them and leaned in to kiss Tony. 

Tony wrapped his arms around Bucky and now he felt more real than ever, there was no monster here. Just a man who was having the most rotten luck in history. And he still fought for more each day. 'Men like them really are cut from different cloth. I always thought my dad was just being a righteous asshole when he said that but no...'

--

"And I'm cured! Turns out the right guy can heal you with magic peen." Strk said sarcastically.

"Pft, really?"

"Well, of that one thing. My mind is still fucked pretty hard from everything else though. But I'm glad it's finally laid to rest. Dad would have wanted it that way. Mom would forgive him, why shouldn't I?”

"Jesus, did you just mature before my very eyes?" Rhodey said with a smile reaching out to put a hand on Tony's shoulder with a squeeze.

"Yep. Let's hope I don't have to fuck everyone who has wronged me to finally put my suit away." Tony sassed back patting the hand of his best friend.

He hoped that day would come though. That Steve and Nat and Bruce and Vision and Wanda and Sam and Clint could set down their suits and anger issues and come home so they could all be worth the wait together.

[badboy-mysweetboy]

One Dangerous Stiff

Eric Coulter× fem reader

Ok..... Hear me out. Thus dude is just mighty fine and he could shove me off a cliff and id smile🙃 enjoy btw this don't follow the plot bro.

Warning: Sad, swearing, cute ending, badass reader

Random tags: @missmarrinette​ @pindragon​ @ericcoulterdauntlessdivergent​ @ericcoultergirl9499​

"So who's it gonna be?" Eric, one of the leaders asked eyeing the new recruits. "Me," I spoke up walking from the back of the group, his cold blue eyes bore into the side of my head as I presented in front of the group. "Is there water? Or a net?" A boy behind me asks, approaching the ledge and turning to the group with a smirk.

Eric's eyebrow raises at the movement. "Boy, I sure hope not." Rasing my fingers in a gun motion to under my chin, pulling the trigger. Lifting my weight from me, the wind throwing my h/c flowing above me as the ledge above me got smaller and smaller. The darkness around it grew to tuck my arms under my head and crossing my legs as if I was on a couch, watching the game. Then my weight was caught in a net.

Landing, my weight shifted as I looked over at a familiar face. "Y/n?" His eyes wide and mouth agape.

"Oh look my least favorite number, how long has it been 7 years? I can't remember." Getting off the net walking away as Four sent up a whistle and another came down. Beatrice, from my old, shitty faction. Abnegation.

As he pulled the net down, their eyes met and never let go. Making gagging noises they caught on before another was sent down. Four kept a gaze on me before Eric leaped down. He walked in front of the group once again as more teens walked in but in all black. Standing in the back I made mental note of the people that stood in front of me, finally meeting with a blue pair already looking at me. Eric's smirk grew into a... Smile. Bouncing my eyebrows, erupting a chuckle. Continuing his speech, my mind wandered to younger days.

"You can't catch me!" A laugh left his lips as my smaller frame tried to keep up. "Slow down!" My younger squeaky voice called out to him, running in between houses and crowds trying so desperately to just graze his skin. Before abruptly stopping being met with a chest, looking up I was met with a scary, familiar face. "Daddy? What's wro-" His hands.

Dug into my arms as he pulled me back to the box-like house, a pair of familiar eyes followed what happened. Screaming and kicking, my cheek stung as my head whipped to the side meeting his eyes once more. "Help me! Big brother, please! Don't let him hurt me!"

Instead of a hero, I was met with a coward, him shaking his head.

But that wasn't new.

But was new was he never came back.

Never.

My body painted in splotches of dark shades, my memories even darker. Daddy.

He blamed me for mom, now brother. Brother never got hit, even though he made me so mad, I'm happy I can protect him from daddy.

I don't know where he went, he was only 9 and I was 7 but I hoped he was safe till 16.

"Follow me." Shaking my head I follow as he mapped out the place to me, "Badass" noticing the grunge military aesthetic. "You're a stiff?" A gruff voice from behind me, turning to see ice blue once again. "What? Happy to see me?"

"Ha ha very funny, but no I meant-" he started, smiling I winked. "I know what ya meant, just giving ya trouble." Chuckling he continued next to me as we were showed the bunking area, " change into new clothes, we burn your old ones in 5."

"Fucking finally" walking into the room while everyone else looked around. Stripping and diving into my new black ones, turning I caught the sight of a neck tattoo before it disappeared behind the wall.

Picking up my old gray clothes and gliding towards the bonfire already made. The heat made me smile. As Four went on and on about new beginnings I tossed my clothes in like it was trash while others held it dearly to their hearts.

"Get over it. It's not like you wanted to stay, throw it in the damn fire so we can move on." I grumbled before shadowing behind the crying group. Passing it. Training. Finally.

Fighting was the only thing I knew after that day with my brother. Relentlessly for 7 years. I built up my strength and got away from the man who hurt me day after day. "What do you got stiff?" A dude was mocking Tris, who was having trouble with throwing a punch. Approaching them and grabbing her hand and pulling her with me. Standing here in front of the bag next to mine, sighing before putting her in the most impactful stance. "Tension here" pointing to her abdomen, "not here" pointing at her stomach. "Weight here, then shift it as you swing" leading her on her back foot to her front. "Swivel your foot with it. Go, right hook it."

Swallowing, Tris did as told and landed a decent punch. Eyes widening she met my e/c eyes, "It didn't hurt." Going to my bag I responded, " because you're the one supposed to give damage not receive-" throwing a hooked punch, "now keep going it hurts less more ya do it, rookie." As my fists met the leather images from childhood flashed in my mind, faces, voices. Every memory leads to a harder punch.

"Y/n and Al, ring now." Eric's cold voice boomed over the cement room, turning to the ring a boy stepped in. Smirking I went in between the ropes and cracked my knuckles. "I can't hit her, Can I fight a guy?" Al asked looking me up and down, Eric's face went from his normal bitch face to disgust. "Really? Just fight her, she has over double your score. Go!" At his command All slowly approaches, scanning his stance I could tell his core was his main focus of strength. Sighing as his fist flew passed my head, grabbing his arm and launched my foot into his side earning a yell of pain. Before twisting the now dislodged shoulder so his arm was behind his back. Laying on the floor at my will, I sat on his back holding the position as I fake checked my nails. "I'm thinking safe word fellas, how bout pork and beans?"

The boy was groaning in pain when he and Eric in unison, "What?"

"I don't know I saw it in a movie. Now, Al, I want you to repeat after me. Four is the worst number." His eyes met mine, "I can't say that."

Pulling his arm farther and farther as he screamed and the group grew as Four and Eric watched me whisper in his ear. "Say It! Or else..." Pulling his arm he yelped, "Four is the... Worse number. Now please." Sighing thinking about it for a second, "I guess so." Getting up and jump out of the ring. Watching Four as his eyes connected to his shoes, walking to the knifes section. Practice, yes I was like a perfected machine but all I knew was to fight.

That's all I've ever known.

Throwing the heavy but not too heavy weapons, the figure of the tall man came back. Making the knives go further... Faster. Until I reached down and no knives were found. Looking up, Eric was holding the box. "Dinner was called 25 minutes ago. You need to eat."

"Why do you care if I eat? You have 45 new robots to program that is eating. I don't eat dinner. Not when I can be here." Never breaking the gaze as my hand refilled with serrated steel, he grabbed my wrist with the blades. " because I like you. And I don't like people, and you're easily the best fighter here. So shower and I hope I see you in the cafeteria, or I'll come lookin" He smirked at the end, "Is that a threat or a promise Eric?" Smirking stepping forward being so close I could feel the hot breath fan over my skin. Glancing between his icy blue eyes and his pink lips I lean in a bit closer dropping the knives in the box, "I guess we'll see then?" Backing away before swaying my hips all the way to the bunks, finding the showers. Peeling the grimy clothes off my body and stepping into the icy water. The colder the better, cleaning the sweat off my skin. I turned the water off and drying off and putting on my bra and underwear.

Walking passed the mirrors I stop in my tracks. I've never seen my self as a whole, damn I'm ugly. Glancing over the scars and abs carved into my skin. Placing the tank and jeans on over the marks, I swiftly make my way to my bunk. Pulling on my boots I hear boots hit the floor growing nearer, “I thought you may have gotten the hint by now but here you are.” Turning and seeing Four, “How’d you know it was me, Y/n?” 

“Because you’re heavy-footed, and you lead with your left foot instead of the average right. Now please excuse me, I’m hungry.” Walking passed him before I felt his hand around my wrist. Stopping in my tracks he let out a heavy breath. “Y/n I’m sorry-” 

Yanking my wrist out of his grip with a cold glare, “No you’re not. You left me alone with that monster for 7 years.

 Not 7 minutes, 

Not 7 hours.

 Not 7 days. 

7 YEARS! Catch my drift you ugly bastard? Even though you ran away every time he decided to punish someone, you’d come back. But at least you came back-oh wait. You didn’t. And really the name Four? Do you really hate me that much? We both know, that’s the time dad got home every day. Leave me alone, Good-Bye Tobias.” 

The cold glare I gave him could kill, another pair of boots could be heard but my eyes never left his. “You were supposed to be my big brother.” In a small whisper left my lips before turning back to the cafeteria. Eric stood at the end of the hallway with a curious look written on his face. “Come on Y/n, I am.” Tobias’s voice echoed, not even turning to meet his gaze. “You lost that title, You haven’t been in a long time. Do what you’re good at. Disappear, Tobias.” Before continuing to Eric as we made our way back.

“Don’t mean to pry but. Tobias? What is he to you?” Eric asked as we sat with our food in front of us. Sitting criss-cross on the bench I look over, “Tobias- I mean Four grew up together. But you would collect that since you heard our argument.” Giving a small smirk at the end taking a swig of water from my cup, he chuckled placing some of the ripped up biscuit into his mouth. “Sorry bout that, but like I said I was gonna come to look for ya. So you’re old friends?” 

Finishing the food in my mouth I answered, “Well not exactly a friend. A friend you can rip off like a bandaid, painful but gone. Nope. To- Four was like cancer, you can’t get rid of it. Somehow, he comes back. But I thought he was gone for good. Shows how much I know.” I chuckle coldly eating a bit more, we sat in short silence. I could see the gears turning. Before the girl from before sat down next to me, a- Tris was her name. “Can I help you?” I ask before plopping food into my mouth, she tugged at her long black sleeves. “I wanted to thank you for earlier, he was being a jerk. And teaching me how to...” She mumbled off, “Throwing a hook? No problem Rookie. Now if ya please, go back to your chair before Four thinks he can sit over here.” I grumble the last part, letting out a heavy sigh when Four plops down across from me. 

Standing from the table I turn and go up the stairs the second Four sat. Clenching my jaw I quickly make my way up the stairs and to the roof, slamming the door shut and grumbling. “Who the fuck he think he is? Walking in like he fucking did nothing? God, I wish I didn’t love him!” I rant sitting on the ledge letting my feet dangle. 

“You love Four?” I heard an angry voice from the doorway, his chest puffed up. Looking over at Eric, “Trust me, not the way you think. Come. Pop a squat.” I pat the cement next to me, he was at my side within seconds. “Then how do you love Tobias?” 

I gulped looking longing at the bright lights against the dark sky, “Tobias is- was my big brother. We had a rough childhood. My dad was an ass, and when my mom ran away he lost it. He took out that rage on me because Tobias ran into the shadows. He left me 7 years ago, I was 7 at the time. I never knew where he went, or if he was alive. I fought to get things since dad was broke, hence to now sitting on a roof with a ruggedly handsome man explaining why I want to kill a number.” I chuckled at the end, Eric watched as I spoke about my childhood.

 I don’t hide it. Because simply I don’t care about my childhood. I won't start crying because of it, not how I was built. 

“Brother? So I have a chance?” He smiled, letting out a laugh I replied. “Yes. Yes, you do Eric.” 

[sunwisecircle]

Hwaet (a very long baby hellenic rambling)

The past few days I’ve just sort of been thinking about religion and my personal practice and all that good noise.

It started out just with me thinking about things that’ve changed since I started worshipping Dionysos.

The biggest change, probably, is that I really just do not care about my weight anymore, and I don’t get as grossed out seeing my body in the mirror. My weight and positive body image has been something I’ve struggled with as long as I can remember -- probably starting when my sister and I had our doctor’s appts at the same time growing up and we were both measured and weighed at the same time. My sister was taller than me for a long time, but she consistently weighed around 5kg less than I did; she was always built skinny, whereas I have always been built to survive hard winters as a peasant, apparently. It led to quite a bit of teasing from my sister, and that combined with my mother’s own insecurity about her weight and appearance, which she constantly transferred to me. Once I was on my own I fought for years to keep myself at a certain weight, obsessing over what I ate and how much, worrying about going to the gym, worrying about what size clothes I wore, getting disgusted if I saw my stomach... And now I just... don’t. I don’t care. I see my stomach when I stretch at night before bed and it doesn’t actively bother me. I don’t know how much I weigh, and it’s none of my business. I like chocolate and sweets and bread and wine, so I enjoy them. I like fruit and peanut butter and potatoes so I eat them. As long as my clothes still fit, I don’t care, and the only reasons I want to lose weight at all is because I have a bunch of band t-shirts that are no longer available to be bought which I no longer fit into, my wool trenchcoat doesn’t fit, and if I lose weight then maybe my chest will get smaller.

There are still days when I feel dysphoric, of course, but now that I’ve accepted that about myself, I can do something about it. Before I always had the problem that whenever I felt dysphoric, I fought even harder to present and behave as my AGAB, which only ever made things worse and caused sort of a spiral. Now, if I look in the mirror and see a man, I just grab my binder and wear one set of makeup (if any); if I see a woman, I don’t grab my binder and wear a different set of makeup (if any). I even had a day of what was I guess gender euphoria where I must have been feeling incredibly masc because between what I was wearing and my behaviour that day I was like !!!!!!. So that’s a change, too.

I also have an easier time taking breaks, which is mind-blowing for me. I mean, I still have a lot of difficulty with it, and it’s still very, very difficult for me to wind down and unplug completely (thus why burnout is always looming for me), but I can actually allow myself to take breaks, now. I took the week off from doing university things last week because I felt like my mental health was declining, and I didn’t feel as anxious about it as I could have, as I would have previously.

That last part got me thinking about how I really, really don’t want to burnout again while in grad school (or at all, really, but grad school is kind of at the forefront here since I’m so close to the finish line), and to that end, I think something’s got to give. For quite some time now I’ve tried to balance religious activities with university with work, but it’s just too much for me and the only place I can really cut back is religion: I only work two days a week, so cutting down there can’t be a thing; and I can’t just not do research for the current term paper if I want to graduate within the next year or so. I still definitely want to have Dionysos Donnerstag and of course I’ll still pray, but doing any sort of religious research is going to have to be a no since it takes a lot of time and mental energy for me to do so, and all the energy I have for research has to go into grad school right now. I haven’t run the idea by Dionysos yet, but I get the feeling that he won’t mind since every time I talk to him about it, he always gets on me to go slow and take little steps, not to do everything all at once.

That being said, I have made a few changes to my practice as well in an effort to build it even without killing myself with research. I felt like Dionysos sort of... pushed me towards Demeter -- it was quite some time ago, too, actually -- and so I’ve been wanting to get to know her better. Maybe it’s because the relationship with my own mother is so bad (guess who’s still hasn’t heard from their mother or sister in months) and gefühlt always has been, but I’m sort of gravitating to her as a mother figure (which would make sense given the nudging I feel like Dionysos gave me). My father and I didn’t vibe either; nor have my sister and I (though for a while there it seemed like it was going so well?). So... Ares for that first (I’m not even lying when I say I desperately want Ares to adopt me; I would probably actually cry if he was okay with being my dad); and Hermes, who I feel like has been around for-literally-ever, is not only my patron because I’m a historical linguist who moved to another country and wants to teach languages for a living but also gives off immaculate big brother vibes.

I really am just trying to build a divine family. Dionysos as my Herr & Herrscher (I have no idea how to translate that to English and still get the same feeling that Herr und Herrscher has, also both words can be translated to Lord afskjlagadgsjö), Demeter as my mom, Ares as my dad, and Hermes as my brother. Since Dionysos has Thursday, I gave Demeter Monday, Ares Tuesday, and Hermes Wednesday, and on their days I reflect on them & say an extra prayer to them specifically before bed (and sometimes burn some incense or do some other activity for them -- which is why I may move Demeter to Sunday since I have work on Monday and it’s hard to reflect on her while I’m in a windowless warehouse throwing around 15kg boxes and dragging a cart with 300L of product behind me).

I painted one of my Warhammer minis (because painting some of Husband’s minis as practice for my Dionysos minis -- which I still don’t feel confidant enough to paint, btw -- turned into me enjoying painting the damn things so I guess that’s a hobby I have now oops) for Ares, a lady warrior dressed in reds and purples. I’m making a little votive offering for Hermes, something pretty to put salt and spice and dice in. I want to give one of my plants to Demeter, but maybe I’ll do something else for her, too.

My four dedicated days, plus praying to Hestia every morning and evening, and offering to the Agathos Daimon once a month... I don’t feel like that’s too much. We’ll see how it goes, I guess.

[holyfuckthisfishcandrive]

Books and Answers

Masterpost (makes this easier, this is chapter 25 btw), Ao3

Word count: 2842

Warnings: stuff from the last chapter mentioned, implied past trauma and flashback, hostage situation, syringes, implied human experiments

Logan woke up to a splitting headache.

He blinked and the light falling past the curtains burned in his eyes.

He winced and it took him another few minutes to be able to open his eyes.

A glass of water stood on his bedside table, together with a small pill. He reached out slowly and drank almost the entire glass before he took the pill and drank the rest.

Virgil must've left it out for him-

Virgil.

Logan shot up almost falling over from a wave of dizziness.

He had strangled Virgil.

There was no body on the floor.

So he at least hadn't killed him.

He had strangled his son.

Fuck.

Logan ran out into the hallway and turned around himself once before rushing to Virgil's room.

"Virgil?!" his own voice made his headache spike.

The room was empty. The bed as unmade as ever, the skulls neatly on their shelves, drawings and posters on the walls.

Logan nearly fell down the stairs and burst into the empty kitchen, went on into the living room and ran back up the stairs.

"Virgl? Are you here?"

He ripped open the bathroom door and stopped.

The sink was covered in tiny bits of dark purple hair. A carton was visible in the trash can.

Logan grabbed it and pulled it out.

Purple hairdye.

Had Virgil dyed his hair?

But where was he now?

There was no blood anywhere so at least Virgil hadn't cut again.

But he was still gone.

Logan realised a few minutes later that his shoes were gone and dialled Emile's number. Maybe Virgil had gone to Emile and Remy. They were like uncles to him after all.

---

Janus woke up slowly.

They were cuddling someone and opened their eyes to figure out who the actual fuck was in their bed.

Oh, right. Virgil had come over last night.

He looked different.

His hair had been shoulder-length for years now but he'd shaved most of it, leaving him with an undercut and purple hair at the top of his head. There were no tear tracks left on his face and the bags under his eyes were as dark as ever, making Janus wonder how long he'd gone without sleep this time. They glanced at their alarm clock. It'd ring in a minute.

They waited, watching the long thin second's finger move steadily until it reached the 12 again and the minute finger moved to quarter past.

A shrill noise cut through the room and Janus reached out over Virgil and turned it off.

"What-?" Virgil squinted and pat against their arm as if trying to find out what it was in his halfawake state.

"Morning," Janus greeted him. "Are you okay?"

Virgil stared at them for a moment before shrugging. After the way, he'd shown up Janus wasn't sure if they could expect much better.

"What day is it?" Virgil asked.

"Don't fucking know," Janus chuckled.

They grabbed their phone and unlocked it.

"We're lucky," they said. "It's Saturday. We don't have school today."

"Thank fucking god."

Janus contemplated for a moment before speaking up again.

"Can I ask what happened yesterday?" they finally asked. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Virgil looked away from them.

"Maybe... Maybe later but I don't think," he shook his head. "Not now."

"Okay," Janus nodded and got up, grabbing a shirt they had felt on the back of their desk chair. "Are you hungry? Mum bought some new cereal yesterday."

"A bit... Won't your parents ask why I'm suddenly here? Or who I am?"

Janus hesitated.

Right, neither Mum nor Luan had ever met Virgil in all the years they'd been friends. Even when they'd talked about him they had never actually used a name. They'd only ever called him 'a friend' or similar titles. Then again, both Mum and Luan tended to go to bed as early as possible to catch as much sleep as possible, since they had to get up early. Even while still looking for work Mum tended to be busy for the entire day and stood up with Luan. So, it wouldn't sound too weird if Janus just said that Virgil had come by after they had gone to bed. They'd just have to leave out the fact that it had been like three am and that Virgil had climbed in through the window and cried.

"I'll handle it," they said. "Don't worry. I'm an excellent liar."

The two of them left the small room and made their way through the apartment, Virgil's eyes scanning everything they passed as if he was looking for hidden clues to a puzzle only he knew about. Janus knew the feeling. It was how they constantly felt around Virgil.

The smell of coffee greeted them as they entered the kitchen.

"Morning," Luan mumbled and took a sip of his big 'Good Morning' mug. It had a jawning cartoon sheep under the phrase and had been his favourite ever since Mum had given it to him for Valentines Day six years ago.

He did a double-take and rubbed over his eyes as if to check he wasn't seeing things before staring at Virgil, looking vaguely confused.

"I could've sworn there was only one teenager in this household," he muttered into his coffee before calling towards the bedroom. "Babe? Did you have another child while I was at work?"

"What?" Mum called back her footsteps came closer and she stopped in the door to the living room.

"This is my friend, Virgil," Janus introduced quickly. "He came over after you two went to bed last night."

"Just some stress at home," Virgil mumbled and shrugged awkwardly.

"Oh," Luan nodded. "That makes a lot more sense. I need more caffeine."

"Nice to meet you, Virgil," Mum took her own steaming mug from the counter. "Do either of you want any coffee?"

"Not today, thanks," Janus got out two bowls for cereal while Virgil just shook his head.

---

Patton turned on the speakers he hadn't needed in months as soon as he got down into the shop.

The calming music filled the shop and he let himself just listen and breath for a few minutes.

He knew exactly what had triggered the night terror. He had almost expected it even.

He really had to start turning off the news as soon as they talked about any sort of science involving labs and experiments.

Patton gently caressed the petals of a full red rose. He'd take it slow today. Give himself the time he needed to fully believe that he was safe, that they couldn't and wouldn't hunt him down and drag him back there.

He was fine, he reminded himself, taking a sip of his rose tea.

About an hour after opening the bell over the door rung for the first time.

"Good morning- Logan!" he felt his heart leap at the sight of Logan. it had been almost a month and he'd missed him far more than he'd expected to.

"Hello, Patton," Logan smiled at him. He looked tired and a few strands of hair hung into his face. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good," Patton smiled back at him. "Is something wrong?"

He reached out with his powers and felt Logan's distress, panic and soul-crushing guilt. He could guess that something bad had happened but it was hard to tell where the emotions came from through the chaos they had created in Logan.

"I- Uhm... I made a mistake," Logan said. "Have you seen Virgil by any chance? He won't answer his phone and no one I asked so far saw him."

"No, I haven't," Patton frowned. "What happened?"

"I did something... bad and he ran away last night. And I understand that he doesn't want to see me right now but I just have to make sure that he's alright."

"Okay," Patton said. "Well, as I said, I didn't see him but if I do I'll tell you. And I'll check if he's alright."

Logan gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Patton. It means a lot."

For a moment they stood in silence.

Patton wasn't sure what to say.

Part of him wanted to apologize for the kiss but he wasn't sure if he really should.

"I'm sorry I didn't contact you after our date," Logan said suddenly. "I didn't mean to ghost you like that."

"Oh, it's fine. But... could I maybe have your number?"

"Of course," Logan pat down his pockets. "I... forgot my phone at home."

Patton chuckled.

"Don't worry, I have a pen," he grabbed it from under the counter and took Logan's hand. He wrote down his mobile number and handed Logan the pen, offering his own hand.

Logan took it so gently as if he was afraid of breaking Patton.

Slowly he wrote down his number and it tickled slightly.

Then he put the pen down again.

"I have to go now but... I'd like to go out for coffee again. Or maybe something similar. It was nice."

Patton nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I'd like that. I hope you find Virgil. Like I said, if I see him I'll make sure he's okay and tell you."

"Thank you. And if you do and he doesn't want to see me...  can you please tell him that I'm so, so sorry. He doesn't have to forgive me but I just want him to know that."

"Okay," Patton nodded. "Will do. I hope I'll see you soon."

Logan gave him one last tired smile before turning and leaving the shop again.

Patton watched him go and reached out with his powers again.

Logan was still upset, worried and guilty but the panic had lessened ever so slightly. Considering the situation Patton counted that as a small win. He hoped he'd get a chance to talk to Virgil.

Part of him wanted to know what had happened, the other part wasn't sure if it was his place to know. He wasn't a part of their family and this clearly was a thing between the two of them but he also wanted to help. Not only because he cared about Logan but also because he was worried about Virgil, running around somewhere in these streets, probably just as upset as Logan - if not more - and maybe making bad decisions.

He smelled at his tea and enjoyed the warmth on his face for a moment.

For the following hours, nothing much happened, a few customers, a small chat with Ms Cho and nearly two pots of tea.

Patton closed the shop a little earlier than usual and moved up to his apartment to wrap himself up in his blanket and watch Cartoons.

He turned on the TV and lazily flicked through the channels. Some documentary, a Cartoon for toddlers - not really the kind he wanted to see, a reality show, a cooking show where Gordon Ramsay was yelling at some poor guy about carrots, the news -

Patton stopped as the sight on the monitor behind the moderator registered and turned up the volume.

"- according to the authorities there are seven hostages in the building. The Professor hasn't made any demands for their release so far. We'll keep you posted as soon as anything happens."

Patton's stomach dropped.

Seven hostages.

He couldn't stand by and do nothing. Logic was his opponent, it was his duty to fight him and free those poor people from his captivity. He downed the last bit of his tea and stood up to get dressed.

Damn Logic.

While he put on his armour, hoodie and boots one thought wouldn't leave him alone.

This wasn't Logic's style at all.

Hostage situations were something he expected from Psyche, maybe sometimes from Sleep or gangs, but not from Logic. Something was off with it.

He pushed the thought aside and climbed out of the window, only turning on the LEDs in the heart on his chest when he was a few buildings away from his apartment.

It took him fifteen minutes to reach the library Professor Logic had taken over.

Police were surrounding the building and one of them was trying to get Logic's attention.

Patton landed next to him and the man stopped, putting down the megaphone.

"I'll try to get in through the roof and get the hostages to safety," Patton told him. "Try to keep him distracted.

"Be careful," the policeman frowned.

"Will do."

He scaled the side of the building and looked around on the roof for an entrance.

He quickly found a small window which he managed to slip through and found himself in a dusty attic, full of old books. He sneezed and froze, listening for footsteps.

Silence.

Good.

That meant nobody had heard him.

Slowly Patton snuck towards the stairs and down into the highest floor of the library. and looked down through the balcony like opening down all the way.

The hostages were on the lowest floor, huddled together, but he couldn't see Logic anywhere. Maybe he was finally talking to the police now.

Patton snuck down the stairs, listening for anything suspicious all the while.

On the second floor, he hesitated again, just to make sure that Logic was nowhere near the hostages.

There were four college students, whispering among each other, a woman holding her baby close and rocking back and forth, a man nervously biting at his nails and a couple holding onto each other tightly. They glanced into different directions from time to time as if looking for the Professor. So they didn't know where he was either.

Patton stepped back from the railing.

"Hello, Heartrate," a smooth voice behind him made him freeze.

Slowly Patton turned around.

"Hello, Logic."

Professor Logic looked tired, his usually so bright eyes dull and lifeless.

"I'm glad you came here."

Patton blinked in surprise.

"And why is that? Do you want to fight me?"

"No," Logic shook his head. "I don't. I want to ask you something."

"Really? Why I don't approve of you holding these poor people, maybe?" he hissed.

"Oh, them? They can go. I don't care for them. I just want to talk to you."

"Doesn't look like they can go."

"Then tell them," Logic shrugged. "I don't care."

Patton frowned. Logic's emotions seemed to indicate that he was speaking the truth. Slowly he turned around.

"Hey!" he called to get the people's attention. "You can leave! Everything will be alright! Just go outside!"

They seemed to hesitate for a moment before scrambling towards the doors.

Patton watched them go until they were out of sight, just to be sure that they'd be alright. Even if Logic didn't seem to be lying, he couldn't be sure.

"So," Patton turned back around, "what do you want from me?"

Your powers. Are they your fault or someone else's'?"

"What?" Patton asked, taken aback.

The words "None of your business" were at the tip of his tongue. The anxiety from last night was still in his bones and just thinking about it made it tingle all over again. It was none of Logic's business. Patton's trauma wasn't his to know about. The scars on his arms were his own to count and see in the bathroom mirror.

"Are they your fault or someone else's'? If it makes you more comfortable, mine are most definitely my fault."

"What do you mean by that?" Patton's frown deepened.

Had Logic done the kind of experiments to himself that they had done to him?

Patton felt his throat close up, memories he'd tried to bury years ago, flashing through his mind.

Logic frowned.

"Do you... You don't actually know where powers come from?" he asked slowly.

Oh, Patton knew too well where his powers were from. The syringes, tests and transfusions were haunting him.

Logic looked away for a moment.

"Trauma," he suddenly said. "Powers come from trauma. There is a gene few people have that triggers a trauma response, resulting in people developing powers."

Trauma?

It hadn't been the tests?

Or, it had. Just mot in the way Patton had thought for years.

"Mine was my fault thanks to my own bad decisions. Who's fault are your's?"

Patton clenched his teeth, trying to process the new information. If powers stemmed from trauma, that meant all of them were traumatised, right? Not just him but Logic, Sleep and Psyche too. Were they really all just traumatised people fighting each other?

"Someone else's," he said tonelessly.

"Mhm. I see. Can I ask how your powers developed? Did it happen quickly or fast?"

"Why are you asking me these questions? I'm not sure. I think they came slowly. One thing after the other until I just... had them."

"Thank you. I just wanted to know if there was a difference," Logic nodded to himself and turned to leave. "Goodbye."

"Wait! Why did you want to know this?!"

"If strange things happen around town or something, it's my fault. We'll see what kind of powers will be the result."

Next

Taglist:

@patton-cake , @isabelle-stars

[simply-sash]

Honestly I’m still fucked up about the other night. It fucking sucks that you messaged me, and it fucking sucks that you think it’s okay to just pop in whenever you please and expect me to be okay with it. 

I don’t necessarily regret the things that I said, but I probably did take it too far and I should have just stopped replying. Subconsciously I was probably trying to hurt you, because the last six months have really fucking hurt me. It hurts when someone you love tells you that they want nothing to do with you and then they get into another relationship, with someone that they were talking to the whole time. Like why let me come out there? Why talk to me like we were going to make this work? I’m just at a point where I can’t jump at your every beck and call anymore. I can’t handle the back and forth, wondering with every text if I’m going to get blocked again. I don’t think you realize how much of a toll that all takes on me and how much it increases my anxiety. Or maybe you do and you just don’t care. 

I’m left with so many questions, but what else is new. I don’t know what your intention was behind texting me. Is your relationship just not fulfilling and you needed someone to validate you? Why were you terrified to see me on Thanksgiving? Why did you have someone checking my blog for months? (Btw, hey whoever you are!!) Why did you have them stop checking after I slept with someone else? (They didn’t stop btw) 

I don’t know what you want from me honestly. I’m just trying to live my life rather than constantly obsessing over what you are doing. I can’t live my life essentially waiting for you to decide that you want me. That shit is far from healthy, and it makes me so fucking unhappy. Is that what you want? Does it kill you to see me halfway happy without you? It doesn’t matter if I talk to other people or not, I still miss the fuck out of you all the time. I still think about you at least once a day. I still wonder how you’re doing and I force myself not to look. I still text you on occasion hoping I’ll be unblocked. Hell, I got drunk one night and had to keep myself from fucking emailing you, like it’s honestly pathetic. So if that’s the validation you needed, there you go. 

You can call me a cunt all you want, but I know that you said it because I hurt you and I’m not going to let that keep replaying in my head anymore. I’m done letting the shit you say consume me. 

________________________________________________________________

I’m really looking for to hanging out with Jerrod tonight. We were supposed to on Monday (and Tuesday lmao) but he got called to a job out of town and ended up stuck there for two nights. He told me that he would make it up to me and cook me dinner one of these nights that he’s home, so I’m pretty stoked about that. We’ve been talking and seeing each other for almost a month now and that’s been an adventure. This is the first time I’ve talked to someone that’s a few years older and honestly the difference is fucking astounding. We both agreed that we were going to take things slow, but it’s nice to have someone that’s just so casual about things that make me anxious. 

When I was talking to Christian this time last year it played on my anxiety and made me feel like my emotions were too much for him. In fact, he told me that at least once towards the end of things. When I made a comment to Jerrod about my trust issues, he responded by sending me the passcode to his phone and telling me that he doesn’t have anything to hide. I told him I wouldn’t go through his phone, but it was refreshing that he was just so casual about it rather than allowing it to be a turn off. 

Sometimes I have to catch myself because I start to get in my head when we don’t see each other for a few days because he isn’t the greatest at texting. I start to convince myself that he’s not interested, but in reality I know that’s not true. In fact a few weeks ago we were hanging out and he got a phone call from his mom and he couldn’t find his phone so he answered it on his watch. After he got off the phone with her he told me that he was hesitant to answer it on his watch because he had told his mom that we were hanging out tonight and she asked if I was the same girl from Thanksgiving and he told her that we’ve actually been hanging out quite a bit and he was nervous that she was going to say something about it on the phone. It’s little things like that that I try to remember when I start to feel anxious about things. 

I don’t know what the future holds. I’m just taking this shit one day at a time for once. I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be right this second, learning the exact lessons that I am meant to be learning. Things are only going to continue to look up from here, and I know that things will turn out the way that they are supposed to in the end. 

[nikatyler]

When I finished my exam today, I was really excited and full of energy but now all of that is gone and I’m starting to see how stressful this day has actually been. I’m so incredibly tired! I went to bed at 11 pm yesterday, fell asleep quite quickly, woke up again at midnight. I slept until 4 am and then I kept waking up and falling asleep in what I believe were really short intervals. I don’t know which of these nightmare scenarios I had were actual nightmares and which ones I came up with thanks to overthinking. It was some crazy shit - one of them, probably the craziest one, I actually shared on twitter yesterday. For a little bit, I was worried that I would wake up without the ability to read or write. And even though I know that’s impossible, I was so worried and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Thing is, my anxious perfectionist brain always jumps to “either you do well on this or you die” mindset. Which then leads to me being stressed out days before and doing crazy things because of that. Just to name a few: I unfollowed a lot of blogs because following so many was driving me insane. I muted a bunch of people on twitter and called it self care even though it was probably just petty. Last but not least, I’m generally more mean and insensitive than I usually am these days and I hate that but also, I just can’t help it. (hey please if I was mean to you, don’t give up on me, it’ll get better again I swear) So yeah, fun times. Can’t wait for it to be finally June so all of this is over. 

To quote my favourite musical: hold your breath and count the days, we’re graduating soon, college will be paradise if I’m not dead by June.

Onto those replies now.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “So…I was just casually setting up another scene, posing the sims and...”

This is DESTINY of this generation - trying to die (hard)

Just wait for when I focus on Regan. That girl is...going in her parents’ footsteps. I swear it’s not my fault. Seriously. I would never want for any of my important legacy sims to die.

Okay well, I might have planned to kill off Tyler at one point like year and a half ago but we don’t talk about that. Ever. Not since that dumb “one year with Rose triplets” thing. Don’t worry about it.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Unfortunately, it didn’t help. Again, sims logic. Don’t question it....”

NO MIRACLE NO

Miracles shouldn't die!

How dare you!

When I said "don't return to aliens" I didn't mean "die instead"

pxelblobs replied to your photoset “Unfortunately, it didn’t help. Again, sims logic. Don’t question it....”

Noooo Miracle!

I knew that sims could burn to death if the weather is too hot and everything, but it has never happened to me and I certainly didn’t expect it to happen now. I was freaking out. That was not how I wanted her story to end.

Then I went to twitter and asked people what they want me to do, but before the poll ended, I actually decided that nope, I can’t do this, she has to stay alive. By the way, if I remember correctly, people voted for leaving her dead. Sooo...yeah.

harmoniouspixels replied to your post “WAIT HOLD UP IS MIRACLE LIKE DEAD DEAD”

I guess I wasn't paying too much attention until this ask BUT MIRACLE'S DEAD WTF

Lmao I can see this happening to me. In fact, it has definitely happened to me before - just casually scrolling down my dash, not paying attention to anything (which is why I never go to my dash anymore) at all and then suddenly I realize - wait a minute, when did that sim die?! What did I miss?

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Yeah well, Adam, maybe you could’ve done something when you still had...”

Will Smith voice: It's rewind time

I laughed so hard at this because I literally made the same joke a few posts later. Great minds think alike! *let’s pretend I’m a great mind ok, at least for a few seconds*

treason-and-plot replied to your post “WAIT HOLD UP IS MIRACLE LIKE DEAD DEAD”

This game is so cruel

Yup. 

It couldn’t have happened to like...I don’t know. Esme during the uni storyline. Or Fred during James’s storyline. Guys, do you remember Fred the mustache guy? Good old times.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Adam: “Hmmm, I wonder what I should do?”

I just thought... IT'S A BEACH THERE IS PLENTY OF WATER AROUND

I KNOW

THAT’S WHAT BOTHERED ME THE MOST IT LITERALLY DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE

*slow clap for sims logic*

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “At least she gets a nice gravestone…I guess. Aaand the dog is useless...”

:(

simlovinggirl replied to your photoset “At least she gets a nice gravestone…I guess. Aaand the dog is useless...”

I can't believe she died this way! :'(

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Miracle baby oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t want this to happen I’m...”

:( :( :(

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Miracle baby oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t want this to happen I’m...”

������ poor miracle

The only thing I really enjoyed about this is that these posts fell on the weekend before April 1st. I know this isn’t something to be laughed at...but the timing was so perfect. If I had planned this, it wouldn’t have worked.

Then again, let’s be real, I wouldn’t have planned this. This is just cruel.

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Worry not, Adam. The Grim Reaper might be cruel but I’m the one who’s...”

Whew I'm glad she's still alive

simlovinggirl replied to your photoset “Worry not, Adam. The Grim Reaper might be cruel but I’m the one who’s...”

PHEW!!!!!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Worry not, Adam. The Grim Reaper might be cruel but I’m the one who’s...”

Yay!

I’ve never been more excited to quit without saving

whysimstho replied to your photoset “Lydia: “Sorry I’m late! I didn’t mean to, I promise. Siblings got in...”

"Oh yeah and my mom died in an alternate reality but it's cool, it's cool."

I mean, she’s definitely heard about all the crazy shit that has happened to her family over the years, so maybe it doesn’t seem as a big deal to her anymore.

It’s been a while since I last said Roses are a mess but they really are a huge mess lmao

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “cloudberry-sims: ???: Sorry but you can’t read that book yet! Stone:...”

Zillah will most likely appear after I finish Strangerville!

Yay! You don’t have to rush though, as long as she appears one day, it’s cool. It’s just a little sad when I spend a lot of time working on a sim and then the person who requested them never uses them.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “This girl is no longer on fiyah, fiyaaaaah”

Next time you try to die don't do it, okay?

Oh trust me I’ll keep an eye on her from now on

It’s what Caleb would have wanted

wait did I just make myself cry thinking about this

dreamsongsims replied to your photoset “I’m still not sure why she’s doing martial arts. Like yeah, I wanted...”

That moment when you just can't remember what your plans were for your sim! I have that a lot. LOL

I guess I do kinda remember the purpose for the story, the problem is...I don’t actually understand why I did it that way?

create-a-sim replied to your photo “someday i’ll be famous and you’ll have to admit you were wrong.”

Wow, this looks super cool!

Thank you! I really enjoyed working on this. It’s just one of the many outcomes of my “Tyler gets famous” headcanons, which by the way are one of my favourite things to think about these days.

onemoreordinarysimblr replied to your photo “Am I late to the party?”

Very cute!

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “I had to do another one.”

This is a nice looking room!!

berrysweetboutique replied to your photo “I had to do another one.”

They're too fun and this is way cute ♥

Thank you guys! I really enjoy the idea of this. I’m definitely not done with this trend yet! ♥

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize...”

Oh it sucks that that person isn't around anymore(( losing friends is always hard

Btw, the edit is really cute!

Yeah...I was going through my old posts yesterday, saw some asks and got sad about this again. I miss talking daily to a person who was so much like me in so many ways. I don’t want to go into details but yeah...never thought I could miss a person I’ve never actually met and here I am.

desira-sims replied to your post “�� ��?”

I feel ya on the bands. My music tastes seems to go from one extreme to the next.

It’s so hard to limit yourself to just one genre! I don’t understand how some people can do this. Well, I don’t actually believe such people exist...everyone has their “guilty pleasure” and no one will change my mind.

desira-sims replied to your post “I associate you with Ross and Caleb :D (i really need to catch up on...”

This is 100% me.

It’s clear, if a sim wants to be the mascot of my blog, they have to be a bisexual disaster.

I mean, when I look at myself, that makes sense. I myself am one big bisexual disaster.

mellowaliens replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

Good luck hon!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

Good luck! ❤️ You can do it!

desira-sims replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

Good luck!!! Sending positive vibes your way.

whysimstho replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

Good Luck!

audrey-rosewadsworth replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

GOOD LUCK

audrey-rosewadsworth replied to your post “Tomorrow, I’m taking my first graduation exam. It’s a writing one, so...”

I BELIEVE IN YOUUUU

poisonfireleafs replied to your post “Hey hi hello guess who survived the exam? It went better than I...”

Good luck tomorrow :)

*hugs* Thank you so much guys. ♥

desira-sims replied to your post “Good morning guys, I'm still freaking out about the exam. I'm taking...”

Just take deep breath and don’t stress too much. You’ll do great on the exam.   Congrats on your milestone!

I started feeling so much better when I left home. I went out and I was like okay, I can’t do much about this anymore, can I? And then I met up with my friend at the bus stop and we just talked and suddenly I wasn’t scared anymore because I realized we’re all in this together - the two of us, the rest of our class and all the other 80 000 (or something) students in our country who were taking the exam as well.

My biggest problem was that the exam started at 12.30 and ended at like 2.30 pm. If it had been in the morning, I wouldn’t have had so much time to worry about it. Thank the lord that’s the case with the English exam tomorrow, it starts at 8 am which is an okay school time for me - on a normal day, classes start at 7.50.

Also, thank you! ♥

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Hey hi hello guess who survived the exam? It went better than I...”

Yay, congrats!

desira-sims replied to your post “Hey hi hello guess who survived the exam? It went better than I...”

Woot woot!

mellowaliens replied to your post “Hey hi hello guess who survived the exam? It went better than I...”

Good luck and congrats!

Now I’ll have to wait for the results...that’s gonna be fuuuuuun.

By the way, people are already making memes based on the topics and I enjoy that. People who didn’t take the exam can’t understand, but it’s really funny, I swear.

simlovinggirl replied to your photoset

awwwwww! ♥ ♥ ♥

They’re definitely among the cutest couples I have in my game right now! ♥

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Courtney: “Uhh…” Regan: “Wait. You…you guys? You’re like…” Felix: “Not...”

Well I kinda shipped themXD

I must admit that I didn’t at first, but then I noticed it could work. Whenever Regan said something bad about Felix, Courtney defended him, and so I thought...what if they went to uni together? Could they fall in love? Turns out they could :D