#i spent way too much time on this but im passionate about this subject??

[juliusthedressmaker]

Hey! Have you ever been to school when you were my age?

Hello there (⁠◔⁠‿⁠◔⁠)

I was born in 1874. Regularly attending a real school was a luxury and privilege that was only available for the upper class. I was born into a working class family, and a working class family in the Victorian era is nothing like the luxury lives of the working class in the 2020s, you know?

Coming from a working class family in the 1800s meant I began working in the coal mines at least 6 hours a day, at least 4 days a week with my father, shortly after turning 4 years old. Of course as I got older, my hours of labor increased. At 10 years old, left school due to my hours working in the coal mines being increased to 12 hours a day, 6 a week. This was a common thing for the time, you know?

So no, I did not attend any school in the way you would know it to be. The closest I came to schooling was attending a one took, all ages school house which was rather dilapidated and lacked any learning materials and supplies. I was able to attend once a week for a 3 hour day, maybe twice a week if I was lucky (though that was very rare).

Most school was done at home in that era, however my parents never bothered so instead, Killian was my teacher. He never attended a day of school yet taught himself from a very young age not just the core subjects but advanced mathematics, science, languages.. Much more. He's a genius, you know?

I discontinued working in the mines at 13 years old, and once again began attending school for a few hours once or twice a week, upon Killian getting me a job as a bartender at the pub he worked at. It was eight hours a day and seven days a week, from 4pm-12am. It paid better, much better.

The schedule and hours were much more doable and tolerable, not to mention the environment was far superior. I still have and always will have the chronic severe cough I developed at 4 years old from the coal mines, however once I began it working at the bar, the cough no longer continued to worsen and even improved just a bit over a few years. Plus, I got to be with Killian at work there, so truly got to spend every moment together. I was as close to happy as Im able to when I began working at the pub, given it meant no longer being stuck in dark caverns, alone with my father in a space so small that the cave walls forcefully were pushing me into him............

Uhh, anyway, school. I stopped going all together from 10-12 years old. At 13 I began attending again though I only did so until I was 15, which was when I permanently disconnected attending. This was common for the time. Instead I focused on working and learning trades.

Most of my educational time was spent teaching myself how to make truly perfect, one of a kind and purely gorgeous dresses. When I was 16, I showed the collection I had made so far to a few women and girls who attended the same church as my family and I. They all were infatuated with the dresses and wanted to purchase one. After I realized I could turn my passion into a job I made an income from, well.... You can figure out where it went from there.

It deeply pisses me the hell off to overhear kids and teens complaining about attending school and claiming it is too difficult... You all live in luxury, and get a full education for free at that. For anyone who read this: before you bitch and moan over school, just remember that if you were born in the 1800s or early 1900s, you won't be at school because you'll be working in coal mines and sweeping chimneys every single day for half of the hours in the day. Will you prefer that? No.

Hush and go finish your studies and complete your papers. Zip it about the bullies, either ignore or punch but so help me Satan if anyone dare say 'b-but bullies and school s-stressful' to me, I WILL BULLY THE LIVING HELL OUT OF YOU AND INDUCE THE MOST STRESSFUL EXPERIENCE OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE >:U

All that said, I did not ever hold much interest in schooling, you know? However Killian would dream of being able to attend just a single day of school though he never was given the chance. In fact his childhood dream was to become an academic. He wanted to become a professor who teaches Latin(which he fluently speaks) and/or Ancient Roman History. I'm sure he would be fascinated and excited to hear about how school is now, and the intensity of it.

Have a happy afternoon!

:)<3

[transterasakagang]

yoshida taisei and autism

there are many characters within 3e that are frequently posited to be a form of neurodivergent and for obvious reason considering the commentary the series draws upon. but a character i veeeery rarely (bar myself + friends) see included among the likes of itona or okuda or sugaya when discussing autistic headcanons despite it being imo one of the most blatant is yoshida

disclaimer one: i am in no way claiming that yoshida being easily read as autistic was intentional on m*tsui’s part lol. id never give that man the credit for that especially considering his track record of dealing with sensitive subjects

disclaimer two: this is NOT intended to be a diagnostic tool. this is simply me (an autistic guy) discussing my own traits i recognise in yoshida that, along with how much i have studied his character, cause me to have the strong conviction i do regarding headcanoning him as autistic. also u dont actually need to have any in depth reasoning to view a character as such either im just insane and have been meaning to fully write this up for eons

so without further ado!!!

firstly, the absolute most blatant trait of yoshida’s that would attract neurodivergent readings is his passionate interest in motorcycles. but id like to go into the extremely far extent to which his interest goes and how it, as a result, reads very much like a special interest

i have often talked about how i dont believe “interest” is strong enough a word to describe the sheer passion yoshida holds for motorcycles. he is associated with them to the degree that its his most recognisable trait by classmates and those in any way familiar with the series

examples of the extent of immersion in his interest exist within his character profiles. his graduation album profile (trans. @/irraydiance) comments on how “he’ll tackle any problem as long as he can apply the knowledge of motorcycles” and has korosensei tell him that he hopes he’ll be able to express his motorcycle knowledge in “a way everyone understands”. a defining factor of a special interest is how it impacts the way in which one understands and interacts with the world around them, we see things through the context of our special interest. yoshida is explicitly stated to have this apply to him — he can achieve anything, he just needs to be able to view it through his obsession with motorcycles. the “in a way everyone understands” is noteworthy wording, as it easily relates to our realities as autistic people and not being understood by the world, including how our intense special interests are perceived.

additionally in his graduation album profile is his reasoning for dropping down to e class which literally is: he spent too much time with his motorcycle. special interests are characterised by an obsessive fixation that makes it hard to do things that dont involve it — things like studying!!! it’s in this sense they can impair our day to day lives. and korosensei picks up on this, in yoshida’s roll book time profile (trans. @/ansatsu-database) he identifies yoshida as “the embodiment of what one likes one will do well” and tries to entice him into mathematics by calling it “useful when tinkering with bikes” - giving yoshida an incentive to bother with it. his roll book time profile is also where we learn that collecting bike related memorabilia is the main thing he spends his money on, and the “collection” aspect of special interests comes up again in chapter 154 where we see him at home with a little motorcycle figurine on his desk. it is also because of his obsession with bikes and his hobby tinkering with them (also influenced by his parents repair shop) that he, according the graduation album, possesses engineering knowledge beyond that of a university student.

it is our first in series introduction to yoshida’s passion for motorcycles in vision time and the context surrounding this introduction that gives us the best grasp on the sheer extent of this intensity. vision time sees the breaking point of terasaka in the face of yoshida and muramatsu beginning to trust korosensei — the way in which korosensei gains the trust of the boys differs significantly but the core similarity that is important to note here is how he directly appeals to what he knows they care about most at this point. with muramatsu he tutors him and helps him improve his grades, appealing to muramatsu’s extremely strong desire to succeed (a recurring theme in his character) as well as his desire to prove himself

with yoshida, however, korosensei appeals to what he knows from observing and talking to him is most important to him: motorcycles. he appeals exactly to what yoshida strongly reacts to and clings to: he engages with him in his interest. he goes out of his way to make a model of a motorcycle and dress in biker gear and to describe yoshida as excited by it would be an understatement!!! look at this boy stim!!!

korosensei engaging with yoshida in his motorcycle interest is likened to muramatsu improving his grades — something INCREDIBLY significant within the context of 3e/kunugigaoka in general and that effectively demonstrates the intense extent of yoshida’s interest. furthermore, through this appeal by korosensei yoshida exposes himself to the class he had before distanced himself from: he is seen openly stimming and openly laughing, something before unimaginable from him, all because of this act from korosensei, because of motorcycles

terasaka destroying the motorcycle model prompts a reaction from yoshida that again is placed on the same level as terasaka literally throwing muramatsu against a tree, equating the two as inflicting similar damage which is reinforced again in yoshida + muramatsu’s comments towards terasaka later

his special interest in motorcycles also leads him to develop smaller but still seemingly intense interests in other vehicles, the most notably being trains. in the character databook there’s a page on the clubs some members of 3e were in before being sent to e class and yoshida is revealed to have been a member of the railroad research club - specifically, it notes how he’s “especially crazy” for steam locomotives which led him to take a railroad tour out of his own volition. trains are a common interest for autistic people (not for me personally, but i know while it is a “stereotype” it IS true for many) which is why though im sure its entirely coincidental i bring it up because i think its funny how one of the most easily read as autistic characters would be given it

how he connects with itona links to this also. itona holds an interest similar in intensity to yoshida regarding electronics and it’s the core way through which the two bond — sharing these interests with each other and becoming a “tech team” the class can rely on. notably, yoshida’s thought process behind giving itona his first bike ride is the same as what i’ll mention more later: it works for him, it must work for itona, not factoring in the differing contexts.

the second trait of yoshida’s i feel might be the next most obvious is his very prominent sense of “justice” by his own rules of black and white thinking. this is implied offhandedly somewhat in hazama’s databook profile where she and yoshida are stated to be the “most rational” out of the terasaka gang, compared to terasaka, muramatsu and itona. but there are a few instances that explicitly demonstrate this idea

the “rules” yoshida has for himself with his thought process to determine something as angering to him largely center around this idea of “fairness”. to him something is either fair or unfair and there appears little room for nuance — terasaka destroyed the motorcycle, that’s unfair, he gets angry — grip using underhanded tactics against karma is unfair, he gets angry — takaoka’s grudge on nagisa is unfair because nagisa defeated takaoka fairly, he gets angry — karma and nakamura positioning him the way they do in the civil war is deemed “not playing fair”. he never lets what he deems “unfair” go uncommented on. less emotionally focused is when he calls out gakuhou by commenting on how korosensei has played by his rules fair and square, so gakuhou should just give up

additionally, this manifests in yoshida’s reasoning for choosing “kill” during the civil war. while compared to the rest of the terasaka gang his reasoning is much more up to personal interpretation in that he only says one brief thing - that one brief thing has him say how he too thought of ways to save korosensei but, evidently, couldnt find one and so accepted this was the only other option. this line of thinking on yoshida’s part of wanting to save koro leads me to think it wouldnt be a stretch to suggest that his idea of “saving” after he realized it wouldnt work for korosensei fell decidedly upon prioritising saving his friends and classmates by continuing with the assassination and thus avoiding what the fallout for failing to do so would be. it again connects to his fixation on “fairness” and how black and white his thought process can be considered in that he quickly acknowledges that its a one life vs billions of lives situation with seemingly little emotional input. this is true in a fair less “noble” or objectively “just” way in the very first episode regarding his willingness to participate in terasaka’s plan to sacrifice nagisa to kill koro-sensei ergo “save the world” and get a billion yen - we can only speculate given what his role was, but the way yoshida probably justified his involvement at this stage to himself is likely to fall on the same wavelength as what else i have discussed.

connecting to anger, however, is the third point: yoshida is a sensitive guy who is easily overwhelmed by the force of his emotions + struggles to regulate them

yoshida rarely gets openly angry or upset, but when he does he seems to get very overwhelmed by it in how it essentially bursts out of him (much like his joy!). the island arc is an excellent example of this in how he is (understandably) extremely distressed by the prospect of people dying due to the virus (especially muramatsu and hazama which is why theyre positioned in the background of the panel!!!) and it causes him to burst out in an example of overwhelmed panic

notably, he is the only character to have an outburst as big as this displaying the difference in emotional regulation, and doubly notably is how the only other time before this point we had seen yoshida display emotion like this was the motorcycle incident in vision time. i think, from experience lol, that his behavior here and from here on out does resemble the teeterings of a meltdown, that hara (his childhood friend) seems able to soothe him away from for the time being. but he remains extremely notably on edge for the remainders of the arc. which again, would be understandable for anyone, but he is the only character (bar terasaka) who is depicted to this extent distressed. this becomes ESPECIALLY more easy to read as a teetering-on-meltdown because of how yoshida’s distress in part stems from how this ordeal has entirely disrupted how he imagined this “vacation” to unfold. it is notable that before the poisoning, it’s yoshida who asserts that they will kill koro-sensei and then relax - especially as part of the terasaka gang previously distant with the assassination, this is all that is in his mind. and then the not only does the attempt fail but entirely unexpected disaster strikes and it is yoshida who frantically points out “we didn’t come to this island to be killed”

the departure scene captures this element of him as well, having him be one of the students openly sobbing during the final roll call for one

linking to him being overwhelmed is a few instances of his hypersensitivity when it comes to sensory issues, and then presumed hyposensitivity. regarding the former, the fascinating examples are found in his roll book time profile. theres a comment by karasuma that notes how when playing cops and robbers yoshida “was able to sense karasuma’s presence, when many students failed to do the same until he touched them” — connoting some form of possible tactile hypersensitivity on yoshida’s end, which could also explain why he never wears the school blazer instead opting for the cardigan all year round unless forced.

the other example found here is his favorite food: monster energy drink. he is the only character with a fave food listed who provides something like that — everyone else gives examples of actual, you know, cuisine. realistically, it’s likely a gag about how common a sponsor monster are at motorcycle races particularly in japan, BUT at the same time it can be interpreted as him having a hypersensitivity to taste where monster energy drink is a “safe food” for him. many autistic people, including myself, with hypersensitivities to taste or texture in food have a safe food that is often a processed snack food due to their predictable nature

regarding hyposensitivity, i think his special interest in motorcycles factors into it. motorcycles provide the rider with a feeling of immense adrenaline due to the pressure and extreme feeling of movement exerted onto them — hyposensitivity to pressure is the reason many autistic people love things like weighted blankets and vestibular hyposensitivity leads to stimming by rocking, spinning etc. regarding yoshida, his remedy for both of these things is riding his motorcycle

another “blatant” aspect of yoshida’s character that can open way for easy autistic interpretation concerns his communication, such as: how blunt he can be!! understandably this is often overlooked by him being in the proximity of itona, which is fair, but yoshida is similarly blunt without the awareness of how socially acceptable it is to be so. most notably this manifests in how he talks to korosensei in chapter 154 where in response to muramatsu saying he guesses korosensei “had his own worries” yoshida says “some pretty stupid worries compared to how depressed the rest of us were”

aside from the above instance the biggest moment displaying him misreading a situation + suggesting something that to him is a completely logically sound idea is during kayano’s reveal + attempted murder of korosensei

finally, mention of that moment brings me to his atypical thought process which is on full display here as he suggests in full sincerity that mimura play air guitar + distract kayano with his “badass skills” and doesn’t understand why others react to it in the flummoxed way they do because in his mind this is an easy, obvious, natural connection to make - mimura’s air guitar had a prominent impact on him, that should apply to everyone!!! the differing context doesnt occur to him, why would it? autism often causes us to fixate on small details rather than the “bigger picture” - this is a similar thought process with its disregarding of contexts that earlier in the story has him take itona on a bike ride to take his mind of the tentacles

conclusively, through connecting many of yoshida’s character traits to autistic symptoms + traits, most of which discussed here i personally experience with my own autism, i think he can extremely easily be read as autistic and joins the pantheon of class 3e students who also can also extremely easily be and are frequently read as such (okuda, sugaya, itona)!!!

TLDR: yoshida taisei has autism. i rest my case

[natypinkns]

Could we perhaps get some head canons for you humanised splatoon ocs??

oh !!!! yeah yeah let me talk about them for a bit :} warning: im about to ramble

okay so, first thing: theyre not reeeeally humanized splatoon ocs, they're a bit more like..... ocs who are based around my splatoon ones. taking some inspiration. like.... my splatoon guys in an alternate universe maybe? yeah. because im too attached to my splatoon ocs who ive spent years thinking about and didnt have the energy to come up with entirely new concepts (<- lazy ass)

second: i am so very slow and indecisive when it comes to developing oc stuff. appearances are one thing. backstory is a WHOLE other thing. and since im not even completely decided on how they look, you can guess how poorly developed their whole story thing is! i have a vibe in mind and a theme i want to mess around with but thats it. so:

oc name (splatoon oc theyre based around): brooks (tempest) sunday (dawn) clover (jamie)

i want an ordinary setting. a small quiet town with not much going on for it and people are content with their simple little lives. brooks and clover are siblings and their parents are kind of not home often. clover is attending university (art maybe? or oh OH botany. plant stuff. ooohoho) at the city next door, brooks has a simple part-time job (maybe shes like these newspaper delivery guys. going around the neighborhood early in the morning on her bicycle..... that sounds fitting with what she has going on).

sunday is new to town. lives on her own, moved there in search of peace and quiet, her dad still lives in the city. idk what she's passionate about yet but her dad is a mechanic of some kind and, having learned a lot from him, she helps out people in town, doing some repairs for neighbors here and there.

alison and olivia (yeah im keeping their names <3 i am free) are a married couple (in their 40-50s maybe) whose children are grown and moved into the city, so there's currently no use for the little separate house thing they have in their backyard; sunday moves into there. alison is a woodworker and writer, olivia is a local teacher, very involved with the school she works in (yeah theyre not too different from splatoon alivia).

sunday and brooks' dynamic is a bit different from dawn and tempest's, their roles are slightly reversed. brooks is more assertive and unashamed to flirt with and make moves on sunday. sunday is quieter and more reserved, although still very confident (shes basically not as intense as dawn is, i'd say?). temp is introverted, dawn is extroverted; brooks and sunday are both introverted (though brooks is introverted in a different way than tempest is).

oh oh this image might come in handy rn (outdated since brooks has a name now)

WHATEVER im stopping now. im literally developing these guys as im writing and if i dont put an end to it ill end up rambling forever and ever. anyway dont take these words too seriously as these ocs are still Very subject to change

[hopehedgehog]

We need to talk about Mimes

I’ve seen so many posts about clown care, but there are so much more misconceptions about Mimes that people need to know about!!

First, Mimes are considered an EXOTIC pet, make sure your vet care specializes in exotic pets. Mimes were created through selective breeding, and therefore a domestic breed, it cannot thrive in the wild! Their quiet and timid nature makes it seem like its a perfect first-clown-owner pet, but it really isnt!  jocks, jesters and even the smaller Mardi Gras breed are better first time pets. while Mimes, clowns, and Harlequins are for more experienced caretakers.

Make sure you feed your mime well, they need at least a handful of escargot a day and a glass of wine, ONLY if its a pure bread, more locally bread Mimes have come to like more local foods and home brewed beverages. Please check if your Mime is a pure bread, or give them plenty of options to find out what they like.

Mimes do very well on their own, usually more than one is not needed. but i suggest not having an outdoor enclosure for them. while they do like their personal space to perform, keeping them alone and especially outside could cause your Mime to run away, seeking some one to perform to. ive seen so many instances where people try to “release” their mime or let it be a wandering mime! i blame movies and shows for this, but Mimes are not wild creatures! they cant breed with other clowns and their quietness can make them easy prey since they can not make any noise to alert for help! Keeping your Mime inside the house is a better idea, since they feel safe with the presence of other people. My Mime is very house broken, and i only need to clean hand prints and smudges off the walls every once in awhile. Its very cute to come home at the end of the day to see a very excited Mime that had missed you! 

They get along with other animals, but the way they interact with their own breed is tricky, Mimes are very difficult to sex, their markings and stripes are similar with all their genders. They all interact with each gender differently, while some can get along, some can be rather territorial. Mime breeders have to be very careful. Plus, their litters are small, up to 1-2 mimelings, BUT they can mate multiple times a mating season, and their children can mature very quickly and leave the nest within months. 

That being said, make sure your Mime can preform for you for at least 1-2 hours a day, with a public performance once every 1-2 weeks. it doesnt have to be that big of a crowd, from a small neighborhood or family gathering to going downtown, your mime will be happy if its more than one person. When taking your Mime outside to perform, do not use a leash, since it can hinder its performance. BUT since theyre not leashed, you have to keep a very close eye on your Mime, for they can be quick and swift, while being very quiet. Make sure you stay close, but give them enough space, that way they can feel independent.

when your Mime preforms for you, you dont really need to pay too much attention, and can multi task if need be. they dont seem to mind, though they do seem happier when you pay attention to them. My Mime seems to preform unprompted! i’ll be watching tv or on my laptop when they get in front of me and start doing a skit! Sometimes though, they do seem to enjoy sitting and watching you work or doing daily tasks. when you really get a bond with your Mime, it seems that they will even mimic what your doing next to you! this is a sign of a healthy, happy mime, they only do those things when they feel the safest! so youre doing something right when that happens, please do not be annoyed at them.

and lastly, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, please, PLEASE learn Mime language! they dont speak English, (or even French for that matter,) and dont speak any “ASL” or other sign language that we humans created. ive seen so many people frustrated with their Mime, thinking that their Mime is “refusing” to communicate with them, when in reality they are not getting the cues and learning THEIR language. books like “How to read Mime” and things like that can be found easily online, and the cues are very easy to understand. so many skip this step thinking that Mimes are an easy pet! Not only does their body language let you know when basic needs are needed to be met, but also when theyre trying to interact with you! Mimes want to interact with you in any way that they can! it is truly considered an honor when a Mime tries to make you a part of their performance, its a sign of deep trust that can hurt deeply if broken. if a Mime pretends to lasso me you BEST BELIEVE I’m gonna pretend in being pull towards them! from simple things like that, to pretending to free them from their little box, they simply love it. It doesnt even have to be done very well, Mimes know youre not an expert like themselves, but they get very happy to know that youre trying. please remember this!

LOVE YOURE MIME AND YOUR MIME WILL LOVE YOU BACK!

[norvtown]

started jonathan creek begging there not to be a predictable romantic subplot between jonathan and maddy, now halfway through season 3, knowing that maddy leaves by the end of it, fucking devastated that they never really get together in the end. heard that later seasons are quite disappointing, I already know it’ll be hard for me to get used to season 4 without caroline quentin and alan davies amazing chemistry. ill try and have an open mind and enjoy season 4 at least, I know I won’t like season 5 at all, I’ll miss the windmill too much :(

[pirunika]

My Problems with Astraeus & MC

when i look past all the fanon n worldbuilding n the storyline i think for my MC,,, the route w/o anything added leaves a bitter taste sometimes... provided its shorter then others but its still... and im bored

For example... when complete w how the MC acts in his route i dont like how Astraeus calls her his 'greatest muse' and at one point likens her to the main art piece in a gallery. Normally itd b cute but here its :///

bc she does act as distant as a piece in a museum.

She never tries to understand him or be there for him... 'get down to his level' in a way, take care of him... idk give a little massage something... even he's bleeding out he's the one taking care of her... not only that she's constantly annoyed by how he speaks, by his greatest passion (poetry) i never feel like she knows things abt him or tries to get to know him (or like what she knows) and naturally he puts her up on a pedestal to admire.

They kind of just...have sex. And Astraeus has this mysterious connection to her heart for some reason other than that do they even have anything in common... She's the subject of his intense love but now that i read carefully i don't think its returned. Girl at least throw a 'I'll never leave you' or sth... Which is why i think he brings up the idea of a seperation a couple times bc he doesnt feel secure... Or thinks he s holding her back & and is afraid of her comparing him to Hades' in possessiveness (which was also unpleasent fyi... there can b a mid ground)

Who says... 'Yeah if you wish we can get seperated' when remembering a beloved union... im not all hard on MC tho dw now its Astraeus' turn xD 'would mine really be more binding' my dear boy MC was about to be sacrificed when you found her SHE DIDNT SIMPLY JUMP INTO YOUR ARMS

Yeah it looks like your husband does think that despite being in the middle of the events. I was offended for her here and wished she'd turn his proposal down as it looks like it doesnt mean much to him and he will leave as soon as he finds the next shiny thing. He seems fickle.

Another thing... Id have liked a serious apology from Astraeus abt how he acted in Hades' route... This -

aint it chief. Like i give sm excuses to him n actually find him a lot more charming then Hades there despite it being his route but that does not change the fact he did try to forcibly kiss her, threatened her, forcibly kissed her this time and grabbed her.... A couple times. Yuck. The problem isnt that he did those id have expected worst from a man who spent centuries in that hellhole but that the story takes this too lightly. No i never found it funny how he treated her partly bc the canon mc was terrified. Wtf

Speaking of that Hellhole...

You literally didnt. You were waiting in Tartarus for forever if not for the MC. Um how dare you??? You could say he's trying to get Herakles' attention here by making MC seem like a bystander but i dont think so tbh. It feels like he does believe this. And its such a weird ooc moment... Hades literally kicked his ass w 1 arm... Twice. Later he's like ohhhh MC youre so powerful and it sounds so hollow

Another > when they mention her heart 'calling him' like a phone call. You really didnt have to make it sound like that lmao. It feels like she rang him -_-; 'heard your heart what do you want' like... this very sentence haunts me. İdk Astraeus get milk on the way home

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

not sure if this request is too much, but ok. I would like one where Stella is comforted by her s/the owl demon in a secret relationship, after a serious fight with Stolas and her daughter. If you don't want to, that's fine, but choose a second option if it's too much work, you can do something like everyday life between stella and her S / O. Thanks for your patience and excellent HC's

"Secret S/O" comforting Stella after a fight with her family

Youd found her in your room.

She was hunched over, staring at her hands.

She had let herself in. Again.

The two of you had been childhood friends, the two of you became very close, and like so many boys and girls, you had fallen for her.

But, as you were from a lower noble family, you could never be together.

So determined to have her hand, you spent years increasing your social standing.

But before you even got close to her, she was already betrothed to Stolas.

You never gave up hope, though. Instead you dedicated yourself to becoming a demon worthy of her affection.

It had been years since you had last seen each other when you found her on your doorstep.

She stormed in, almost barrelling you over.

She was livid, rambling and ranting on about her husband.

Stolas being your least favourite subject, you quickly tried to calm her down, asking her what had happened with Stolas.

That seemed to snap the poor woman out of her anger filled stupor.

She broke down, bursting into tears, collapsing into your chest, she cried out that her husband had cheated on her.

It took a lot of self control not to snap.

Stolas had this amazing, beautiful, intelligent woman practically handed to him, and Stolas CHEATS ON HER!

You took several deep breaths before turning back to the distraught woman. Now was not the time to get upset.

Stella needed you and you'd be damned if you weren't gonna be there for her.

You held her close, quetly consoling her as you let her cry against you.

You made sure she knows you were there.

You were always there for her.

And so a patern began.

Sella would go through something, afterwards she'd come running to you, where you would consol her.

But normally, she would announced her entrance, whether intentionally or not.

A scream or a huff, she'd stomp her feet or slamming a door. Something.

But this time was different.

This time you found her.

She just sat there, on the edge of your bed, staring into her lap.

You came up besides her, pulling her against you.

'What happened?' You asked her, knowing this time would be bad.

'We had a another fight.' She said, her voice hollow.

'You've had lots of fights, you've never been like this. Why is this time different?' You asked, unsure of how to approach her.

'Octavia' She said seemingly dumbfounded, 'Stolas and I were having another fight.' She took a deep shaky breath. 'That bastard slept with that retched IMP in OUR bed again."

Her breathing became heavy, "So I screamed at him, I told him he was an embarrassment to out family.'

You had heard this part many times.

Stolas showed little respect for there relationship, something that infuriated you to no end.

'But this time... this time, Octavia got involved...' Stella said, in disbelief.

'She went on about how all I care about is our image, she says I don't really care about Our family. And all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy!?' She said incredulously, tears welling in her eyes.

'Can't she see im the one trying to keep our family together.' She said bitterly.

'He's the one who cheated. He ruined everything! I'm not the one who betrayed OUR family. I'm not the one who... destroyed our marriage.'

She clutched her face, tears running down her cheeks. 'She's always loved him more...' she whispered, her voice void of emotion.

Wrapping your arms around her you brought her onto your lap. Quetly shushing her, running your hand down her back.

Despite the situation, you released a small chuckle. 'Hey, wanna know something, something i've never told another soul?'

Wiping her eyes she looked up at you. You meeting her light crimson gaze.

'When we were young, you were my only friend.' I began, swallowing the lump in my throat. 'But despite being of lower stock, you never thought less of me. And I'm unabashed in telling you that... I fell in love with you'

The words hung heavy in the air.

'And all these years later... I'm still in love with you.' You turn away from her. 'I would have told you when we were young, but there was no way I could ever be with you... I was to far beneath you.'

'So I dedicated my youth to becoming your equil, to becoming a demon that could be accepted as your partner. To becoming your equil.'

You took her hand into your own, running your hand over the silver band on her finger. 'But when I even reached the point of having the slightest chance... you already belonged to Stolas.'

'I had nothing. No purpose in life. So I did the only thing I could. I dedicated myself to become a demon...' you looked down at Stella, the Owl stared up at you, a mixture of shock and recognition across her face. '...to become a demon, worthy of your love.'

Looking down, you cupped her cheek, looking deep into her eyes, you told her. 'I can't bare to see you go through this anymore, Stella. You are the most amazing demon I've ever ever met and seeing you go through so much for someone who treats you so poorly, you deserve better than this, Stella, you deserve someone who loves you.'

You felt hesitant with what you were about to say, but said it regardless. 'I know I have the most to gain from you being disenchanted with Stolas.'

'And even I have questioned my intentions. But I give you my word, I only wish the best for you... even if that means your with Stolas. I want you to be happy.' You finished, looking away.

It felt like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders. Youd kept all that in for so long, no matter what happened now, at least you got to be honest with her.

You felt Stella's hand cup your cheek turning you to meet her gaze.

She looked so... confused?

She pulled you close, your noses almost touching. 'Are you sure you want this?' You ask her, you needed to know this was a decision she was making truthfully.

Stella looked you deep in the eyes and with such conviction, she told you 'I have never been so sure of something in my life.'

And with that said, she pulled you into a deep kiss.

You instantly began to return the kiss, bringing your hands to her face as you poured decade's of pent up love and affection into the kiss.

You didn't hold anything back, the two of you roaming each other's bodies like two lovers who had been separated for millennia.

But that could have just been wishful thinking on your part.

Still locked in a heated kiss, Stella pulls open your jacket as you undid her dress. The two of you shed your clothing faster than you thought possible.

Before you entered her, you asked, 'Are you sure this. Is what you want?' Stella stared at you for a moment, before she pulled you into another passionate kiss.

In that moment, you were in utter bliss. You had finally became one with the woman you've loved all your life.

The two of you spent the night together, wrapped in a passionate embrace, making love deep into the night.

You awakened early the next morning. The two of you just basked in the afterglow, just holding each other close.

You layed a kiss between Stella's eyes before asking her 'What happens now?'

Stella stayed silent for several seconds before sighing. 'I don't know... But, Stolas won't give up his little Imp' she spat the word, giving a huff before continuing 'And even if he did, I'm not giving you up. Not after all hes put me through.'

That took the wind out of you.

'Is that all this was, payback?' you asked self consciously.

Realising the double meaning of her words she grabbed your face, before telling you firmly. 'No! You hear me? This was not revenge.' Pulling you close she told you 'You... You were the only person who was there for me... I dont know what's going to happen next, but there isn't another person in hell I want to be with.'

You couldnt help but smile at that, before pulling her in for another kiss.

No, you couldn't imagine a better place to be either. And come hell or high water, you weren't gonna give her up.

You and Stella were together and nothing, not even Stolas could change that now.

[moogieandadhd]

ADHD Awareness Month Day 5: Hobby Graveyard

October 5th, 2021

[leave it to the ADHDer to forget about the blog for a sec. i'm behind on posts so i'll just write as many as i can to catch up.]

with adhd, its not uncommon at all to have hyperfixations on hobbies that can last weeks, months, years. i have a range of random hobbies that i am still very fond of, but i no longer partake in with the same passion that i used to. for the sake of the length of this post, i'll just list a couple that i was obsessed with for more than 6 months to a year or two.

1) art

i still sketch sometimes. but the amount of pencils and half empty sketchbooks left behind is shocking.

2) greek mythology

this subject still greatly interests me, but i don't just read books and watch documentaries/movies solely about greek deities anymore.

3) kpop

yeah... i was in pretty deep. spent far too much money. not in any fandoms anymore, and i just casually listen to a few solo artists now.

4) anime

honestly? still really into anime. but i watch it just as causally now. instead of binging a whole series in two days and then starting another one and repeating the process... i'll watch an episode or two every few days if that. i can go a few months without watching it.

5) science

theres been so many "genres" of science that i have gone nuts about. psychology, chemistry, biology, earth and space sciences, etc. science is cool. i just have a horrible memory so im not that good at it.

and finally, here's what i'm currently into:

stardew valley, frogs, the color green

it sucks sometimes because i genuinely enjoy these subjects, but one day i just fall out of love with them and abandon it. i always hope that maybe it wont be just a hyperfixating phase, that i actually found something i can claim. but it doesn't always work that way. in a way, these hobbies are like pets that have passed away. i know, that's morbid, but let me explain: you love them so much and take care of them and watch them grow until their time is up. then, you let it go. you'll always love them and you'll look back at memories with them, or even hold their old toys and blanket and wish that they were still there. but it doesn't work like that. so, knowing that it'll always be a part of you and you will always love it, you say goodbye.

[itsnathateasy]

I demand a part 2 of the uni exchange!eren right now

(But fr pls don't take this as something rude im just joking but for the love of god please do a part2)

full disclosure, this story wasn't supposed to have a second part BUT i think this is what went down afterwards!

and no worries love, i know you meant good! thanks for clarifying it tho! <3

me: let’s not go overboard with this also me: writes a second part that is longer than its original version :/

read part 1 of the uni exchange student!eren

word count: 689

warnings: none exept for heartache

it’s been a couple of days since you accidentally met eren on the streets and you can’t shake his lovely memory out of your head, you can’t help but reminisce what you two had and its inevitable ending

not uni exchange student!eren was the same but, of course, there’s no way either of you could know the other person’s feelings and thoughts

you decide to take action by first checking to see if the social media platforms of his still exist and are active

some accounts were deleted but luckily he still had the same phone number so he appeared on a messaging app, a green circle next to his contact

not seeing how or why it’d be weird to talk to him after all these years, you click his contact and start typing

“hi! how are you? i hope everything’s working out for you! i was just wondering, i’m in (name of town) for holiday, any chance you’re around? would love to catch up over a cup of coffee! no pressure ofc! take care! x”

“this is y/n btw, from uni (in case you don’t have my number anymore)”

eren’s face lights up when he sees this notif, he’d never deleted your number, he just never could. the fact that you took the initiative to text him gave him the sign that he needed to reach back

“hello! of course! meet me by the (name of monument) at noon? coffee’s on me!”

you guys do meet a few hours later and it’s WOW

you literally stare at each other for a good while, smiling and giggling at each other

eren touches the back of his neck with his hand, obviously too awkward to say a word

you break the silence with a hug first, before adding “it’s been such a long time, i don’t know where to begin! how was your day?”

your question stirred up some talking while you were walking together to a cafeteria that was close by

he briefed you about finishing his studies, getting his first job that he quitted (because his boss was a dick, he claimed, but you took that with a pinch of salt, knowing it’s eren we’re talking about), he’d been saving for a few years though and started his own business, a small restaurant with dishes from all over the world that he promised to take you the following day

you were skilfully avoiding the subject of relationships, but he brought it up, asking you what your situation was

you’d been in a long, yet toxic relationship that finally took its toll on you. you were now broken up and happy about it, thus gifting yourself a few days off in this beautiful city

he, on the other hand, had been dating this person on and off, for a few years, it was a confusing situation were things weren’t too serious but they also weren’t a friends with benefits thing, he didn’t seem to mind talking about it much tho so he filled you in with how they were, in fact, not at their prime currently

you’d already spent about 4 hours together, mainly catching up and him showing you around town

your catching up session was close to its end and you felt the air between you get awkward again

“so, lunch tomorrow, yeah? would love to have you taste my special dish! took your advice and removed the turmeric too”

“i’ll be there, no doubt!” you said and went in for a hug before saying goodbye

as you both pull away, he pulls you in again and gives you a passionate kiss on the lips

you pull back, startled at what just happened, but kiss him back right after

“i wish i could’ve said goodbye like this before leaving you that day” he mumbled not moving further away from your face

“that was 6 years ago eren, don’t dwell on that” you said, not moving away from his embrace either

“not telling you i love you in person has been haunting me ever since”

“it doesn’t have to anymore” you said before giving him one more kiss

[oddaodd]

Not Quite It Seems

· Tommy Shelby and the reader (who is an actress)  become friends with benefits ·

Warnings: smut and angst. 

Author´s note: This is loosely inspired by a scene in Alfred Hitchcock´s “Rear window”

And...  here´s the second part. 

Destiny brought them together for the first time during a charity gala for the Grace Shelby institute. Y/n´s best friend had invited her to go as her plus one after her date had ditched her.

“I told you he was no good” Y/n said on the car ride to the venue, elegantly smoking a cigarette.

“His loss really” replied her friend cheerfully.

They were both actresses and when they stepped into the venue they caught a lot of eyes. They politely smiled and shook hands with some of the many attendants before finding their seats for the speech Thomas Shelby was to give.

“That’s Mr. Shelby” pointed her friend as soon as he stood in the podium.

“He’s rather handsome isn’t he” whispered Y/n.

“Dangerous too” Whispered her friend in reply.

Y/n turned her attention back to his speech, not really minding her friends warning, feeling utterly enthralled by the man and blushed a bit when he noticed his eyes were staring intently at her. After He finished his speech Y/n and her friend went to write checks for the foundation before going to get a glass of champagne.

“I noticed” said her friend in a teasing tone.

“What did you notice?” Humored Y/n taking a sip of her champagne.

“The way he was looking at you”

Y/n was about to speak, to deny her friends accusations when she heard a voice behind her.

“Did you enjoy my speech Mrs. Y/L/N?”

Her friends eyes went a bit wide and y/n immediately knew who it was. She turned around gracefully and their eyes met once again.

“Very much so Mr. Shelby” she said in a velvety voice, before taking another sip of her champagne, her eyes never leaving his.

Thomas raised his eyebrows in amusement at her boldness and took a sip of his own champagne as Y/n´s friend scurried past her with a smile and a teasing whisper.

“Be careful”

Y/n was somehow afraid that he had heard it and spoke to avoid the subject as she saw her friend walking away and looking back at her with a smirk.

“Do you enjoy my films Mr. Shelby?”

“I do” he said honestly before downing the rest of his champagne and offering her his hand “Shall we dance Mrs. Y/N/l?”

“We shall” she said, smiling and placing her manicured hand on his, letting him lead her. “And Y/n will do”

They spent the rest of the night dancing and drinking and when the gala drew to a close, he invited her back to his place. She accepted, but before leaving went to talk to her friend, not wanting to ditch her. Much to Y/n¨s surprise, Her fiend had found herself a beau and insisted that y/n go with Mr. Shelby.

“But I want to hear everything about it tomorrow” her friend said excitedly.

“You will” y/n promised before walking away to rejoin Thomas.

Once they arrived at his home, their lips came together in passion and desire, unable to contain themselves as they made their way to one of the many spare rooms.

She tangled her fingers through his hair as he snaked his arms under her legs  to lift her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist before pressing her back to a wall.

Tommy started kissing her neck and slipping the straps of her dress with one hand, exposing her breasts that were covered in a see through lace bra. He groaned at the sight and went to whisper at her ear “so beautiful” before bitting gently into her lobe.

His low voice made her moan in response and went to kiss his neck. She started feeling him getting hard through his trousers and slipped her hand between them to feel him.

“Fuck, love” he exhaled and continuing kissing her neck.

She unbuttoned is trousers and wrapped her hand around his cock, stroking it slowly. “I want you inside me” she whispered to his ear. His breathing became heavy and he carried her to bed. Once she was laying there he placed himself between her legs, staring a bit in admiration.

“So fucking beautiful” he said lifting her legs up to remove her underwear. He teased her wet entrance for a bit with his index finger and then took it to his mouth tasting her which made y/n give out a shuddering moan.

“You taste so good, love” he said lining himself up with her entrance and pausing for a second. “Are you sure?” he whispered looking into her eyes.

“God yes, Mr. Shelby, plea..” She started but abruptly stopped as she felt him pushing into her. Her eyes rolled back in bliss and her nails dug into his back. He gave her a moment to adjust to his size before starting thrusting into roughly. She kissed him to restrain her moans and Tommy smirked into the kiss. He took advantage of her distracted state and rolled over so that she was on top of him. This caught her by surprise and smiled teasingly as he adjusted herself to the new position, grinding slowly on his lap before starting to ride him, building up a pace. He placed his calloused hands on her waist guiding her. She loved how his hands felt on her skin and  felt the familiar tension in the pit of her stomach building up. She placed her hands on her chest feeling his agitated heartbeat “Im close Mr. Shelby” she whined.

“I know love” he said, one of his hands traveling to her pussy and rubbing her clit. The friction from his fingers bringing her even closer to the edge

“Cum for me Y/N”

As soon as his words hit her ears she let herself go and came violently around his cock. He held her still by the waist allowing her to ride out her orgasm and came moments later at the sight.

She fell to his side in exhaustion, trying to catch her breath.

“Tommy will do” he said, barely a whisper.

After that night they entered into a sort of friends with benefits relationship. They started meeting almost exclusively at Y/n´s home. The sex was great and so were the conversations they held before or afterwards. Y/n found herself falling for the man and couldn’t help herself but want more of the relationship. She started inviting him to stay with her throughout the night, wanting to be with him for a little bit longer, but he always found a suave reason to leave. Still, she refused to believe he didn’t feel the same as her, not with all the tender touches and sweet nothings he sometimes whispered to her moments after their highs had dissipated.

And he did feel the same, but he knew it was better to not let it become anything else. He knew she didn’t fit into his world and would never forgive himself if something were to happen to her because of their association. So he ignored the guilt he felt whenever he saw her smile falter at his declinations to stay with her, reminding himself of what had happened to Grace.

One day she decided to pay him visit in one of his offices. He was surprised to see her there and it showed.

“What are you doing here?” He said, standing from his desk and hastily walking past her to shut the door and blinders so that nobody could see them inside.

She curiously watched him “I was just in the neighborhood and I thought i´d drop by” she said less than confidently, taking off her coat and hanging it before taking off her gloves and placing them in her purse.

He went to the liquor cabinet he kept in his office and poured her and himself some whiskey before giving one to her and going back to sit behind  his desk, exhaling in frustration as he sat, leaning back on his chair.

Y/n stood in front of the desk, drink in hand, unsure of what to do.

“You shouldn’t be here” he said raising his eyebrows and looking at her.  

She decided to not let her nervousness at his response show and smoothly sat down on one of the chairs in front of his desk “Is it so terribly wrong of me to want to see you?” she said teasingly, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yes it is” he said sitting upright now “This” he said gesturing to his office “What I do for a living is dangerous, an actress like you doesn’t belong here” He lit one of his cigarettes and exhaled the smoke staring at her, expecting her response, her smile gone now. She suddenly felt emotional at his words. She didn’t answer, so he continued “If you can’t confine this thing of ours to the bedroom we should end it here” he exhaled more smoke and stared at her trying to assess her reaction.

She looked at him in disbelief and stood up from the desk, her back to him, not allowing him to see her reaction. Patly offended, partly hurt, she started making her way to the coat hanger to grab her coat.

“I’m in love with you.” She confessed “I don’t care what you do for a living, I´d just like to be part of it somehow” She said slipping on her coat.

“Its deflating to find out the only way I can be part of it is to act as your personal whore” she fished in her purse for her gloves and held them in her hands “I guess I’m not the woman I thought I was”

“There’s nothing wrong with you Y/N. You have this whole country in the palm of your hand” he said guiltily trying to sound emotionless and smooth simultaneously.

She tuned back to look at him. There were tears threatening to fall from her eyes and his guilt increased significantly at the sight.

“Not quite it seems” she said slipping on her silk gloves and grabbing hold of the doorknob before giving him one last look and stepping out of the office, heels clicking on the wooden flooring as she walked away, out of the building. He stood up from his desk wanting to go after her, but stayed where he stood reminding himself of the many reasons why he shouldn’t.  

[little-silly-bear]

Hello Cookie!! Can you explain autism symptoms for me?

Hi dear! Well it’s a very big argument and I want to talk about my experience that is different from others on the spectrum since every person is unique. I was diagnosed the last year and it was a shock since I’m 23 and I lived my whole life thinking “what is wrong with me? Why I just can’t get friends or having a conversation like the others?” Tumblr literally saved me, I saw a lot of post of regressors that are on the autism spectrum and I was like “Wait..that isn’t normal? I mean not everyone do that?”. So I did a loooot and I mean a looooot of researches on this argument, I tried to study more that I could and I found myself at home.

I can try to summarise the big symptoms for you (I’m not an expert I’m just a kiddo pls don’t be mean if I say or spell something wrong it’s also 5 am here) :

Sensory issues-it means that you have one or more senses very high, you’re sensitive to touch, smells, tastes, sounds or sights and they are more but I don’t remember those ahah! You can have all of them or a mix of them, usually they are more that one. You can’t stand having targets on your shirt, some kind of fabrics drives you crazy and you just really need that blanket to live a regular life and can’t understand why? Yeah me too. Most of the time they are bad, like some sounds literally makes me crazy, in high school I spent a terrible time because no one believed that I felt pain for certain sounds or lights. But I try my best to concentrate on what makes me happy like the fluffy blankets, not having socks, sleeping with a weight blanket, walking with my cancelling headphones and the taste of a cheesy pizza. You just need to listen to your brain if that light is too much please, when possible turning off, your health comes first! I tried to suppress this feelings my whole life to make other people “comfortable” aroun me but not anymore! If a room is too crowded and I literally hear every person talking, I usually feel very sick and need to recharge in another room. When I was a kid and my parents used to take me to the mall I literally fainted, they thought it was something that makes me unique but now we now it was my body reacting to overstimulation.

Having trouble socialising and in building relationships. This was the first criteria that convinced my therapist that I needed a test. As I told before I never get other people, they seemed like a different species to me and if I wanted a friend I needed to work really hard on acting and behaving like them. Obviously I failed every single time because I couldn’t resist more than few weeks? Also this was around elementary/middle school when in my head I needed friends like a task to do 😂 when I realised that I was way more happier by myself I didn’t try it again! But for me, like a lot of us is difficult because everything is built in a way that isn’t ours, every single conversation is based on a neurotypical way. The small talks, the chit chat, I never get this things, why we need to talk about the weather when we can talk about how cool is the Pokémon Go game? Do you know what I mean? I think you does. Also big tip try to talk with a person on the autism spectrum and see if you’re more comfortable and tuned with them, I had three friends irl ,we’re all on the spectrum and let me tell you that is so much easier talk and keeping a relationship when you both understand each other.

Special interests!! Omg! Pls don’t get me started I will never end this post 😂 they literally saved my life, I didn’t know they were special interest until my therapist told me but let me tell you that I have a lot of them!!! Special interests are one or more subjects that you have a deep, almost professional, passion about. They can be simple, scholastic or very complex topic. And you don’t need to be an encyclopaedia to prove that is your special interest, the same fact that you have something that you reaaaaaally love talking about and can’t stop learning more and more about it makes it valid. Let me tell you that at the age 10 I learned Japanese because I fell in love with Japan culture, I didn’t have internet I studied from books and old movies/animes. I never thought that was a special interest because for me it was just my way of loving something.

Stimming. This is something that our dear cousins with ADHD have in common with us. Most of the times someone in the autism spectrum have also adhd and viceversa but it isn’t always the case. Stimming is a natural process to express our emotions, it comes naturally and it’s like an electric feelings (for me) it’s something that you can’t stop and if you tried to suppress it will grow and make you feel worst (not like in a tic or ocd way more in a mental state). Everyone stim, people stimming to music is very acceptable and well viewed by the society but people like us need to stim to express our emotional state. I personally suppressed my stims for so many years because of bad teachers that im still trying to relearn most of them. It’s a common thing to having your diagnosis or starting to accept your autistic traits and then see your stims grow like never before! Most are gestures like flappy hands or jumping when you’re happy or if you ate a good food but they could be everything like chewing, singing, humming, bouncing legs, hair wrapping, scratching, eating nails, watching aesthetic photos, listening a song on repeat or clapping hands.

They’re more and more things to add in this list but I already did a long post and I got so excited for this question that I forgot to take my meds 😂 I tried to summarise with the points that my therapist told me were the most relevant for my diagnosis. Let me know if you need more advices, my dms are always open for you little beans that need help or tips from your big sibling! Have a good day and happy stimming to everyone 💕

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Romeo and Juliette

Summary-Harry x reader-you were away filming and you come home to a surprise.

A/N: Hey y'all! hope you had a good one, here is another fic I wrote weeks ago, so this one might be bad lol. Hope you all enjoy!

“I should be home in 2 hours, babe.” you said as you saw your boyfriend on the screen who was grinning.

“I'm glad, i have something planned for us if that's okay.” he said as you giggled.

“Okay, what are we doing.” you said as he squinted and then rolled his eyes playfully.

“I can't really tell you love.” he said as you smiled.

“Okay then, I should see you soon bubs.” you said as he smiled.

“Alright love, fly safe, love you.” he said.

You said goodbye and started to head to the airport. You didn't really like flying alone, but if Harry was gonna be there when you landed, you were gonna fly alone. You and Harry have been dating for about 3 years, you two were sweethearts. It took both of you a while to admit your feelings to one another, so once it happened, everyone was relieved that you two were together. Tom and his brothers knew Harry was in love with you, the way he looked at you as you read your novel, he loved the way your eyes would look through each word of the page.

At this point both Tom and Sam planned out for you all to hang out, but by the end both Tom and Sam bailed on you guys leaving you both to hang out. Harry knew this was his time to tell you, he knew he had to make it special and he did.

As you two looked at one another's eyes, he looked down at your hand and held it. His thumb placed circles on your hands, and you looked at his beautiful brown eyes. He just said it, “i'm in love with you.” he said as you fell for him much more. He looked at your face features for any sign of rejection, but all you could do was look at him in awe. You smiled and spoke, “im in love with you too.” you said as he smiled and placed his hands on your face and kissed you deeply. You grabbed his neck, taking him in even more, wanting him to be closer to you much more.

As your kiss ended, you looked at one another. You both had turned around and saw Sam and Tom whooping and clapping at what just happened, their plan worked and in a way you were thankful for them bailing.

Ever since then you would always want to be closer to harry, especially when you were away, you just missed him, the way he would caress your cheek, the way he played with your hair, he loved how you played with his hair and called him sweet things like, my sweet boy, or bubs, which was his favorite.

He loved you and you for sure loved him. No matter what he was your person and you were his. Since day one he knew that he wanted to be with you for the rest of his life. You wanted the same, it didn't matter if you had a ring on your finger or if you had a kid with him. You knew he was the one. You loved him endlessly. What you didn't know was that he was ready for you to be in his life forever, and be Mrs. Holland.

As you woke up, you saw there were about five minutes on the plane, you just wanted to see Harry and hug him close to you. What you didn't know was that he was waiting for you with flowers. His plan was to take you to where your first date was, the museum. You two had spent hours looking through the art and the historical books. At one point Harry mentioned that even with the beautiful art surrounding them, that you were the most beautiful art. You remember that pick up line so easily, it was your favorite pick up line he said.

As you landed and got your luggage, you walked up to where Harry was going to be. You hadn't seen him near, so you called him.

“Hey bubs, im here, are you near by?” you asked as he giggled.

“Eah I am, here let me move around see if you can see me alright?” he said as you nodded as if he was there. He walked over to you, behind you actually, and saw how you were looking around.

“I miss you harry.” you said as he laughed.

“Me too love.” he said close to you as he hugged you and you smiled hugging him close.

“Hi, oh flowers?” you asked as he nodded and handed them to you.

“Yeah I just want you to know I love you so much, I was gonna do something big, but I only had time for flowers.” he said as you smiled and looked down at the flowers.

“Harry, these are lovely, no matter what you give me I will love it if it comes from you.” you said as he looked at you in awe.

This was one of the many reasons he loved you so much. His past relationships were bad for him since the girls he was with were only trying to get with Tom, or just being with him because of what he makes.

But you, you were different. You would get mad if he ever took you out to an expensive date, or even if he bought you a gift. You always loved getting flowers or books from him. Especially if it's a book you were wanting. You were in love with him because of him, you have been for years.

“So what's on the agenda bubs.” you asked as he took your luggage and your hand.

“Well love, we are actually on our way.” he said as you freaked out a little since you didn't really look that fancy.

“Wait, i'm not that well dressed bubs.” you said as he shook his head.

“Its okay love, you look beautiful, so we'll be fine.” he said as you smiled.

“Thank you bubs, you look very handsome as well.” you said as he blushed, getting all flustered.

You two got in the car and headed over to the secret destination. He headed the museum where you had your first date. You were a little confused as to why you were there, but you loved to visit the museum with him. He had opened your side of the door and let you out.

“Where are we going first.” you said exciting to see the art.

“Well, what's the first one we saw on our first date.” he asked as you thought.

“Oooh the Romeo and Juliet painting..right?” you said as he nodded.

That painting was one of your favorites. You were wondering why he mentioned that painting. As you walked over to where the painting was located he held your hand. He was so nervous he was gonna mess up, but even if he did you would say yes.

“I uhm, can you tell me about the panting again.” he said as you looked up at him.

“Why bubs? Do you have to recreate something like this?” you said as he shook his head and placed you in his arms.

“No, i just like it when you talk about it.” he said as you kissed his cheek as he laid his chin on your shoulder.

“Well, I love how they love each other, despite the age gap, but you know I wish Shakespeare made Juliet the same age as Romeo, so there isn't that much conflict. Anyway you know they don't care about what people think about their love, even if Romeo was a Montague, Juliet loved him. Which proves that no matter what, a human being will always love another, despite differences they may have that could create conflict. If they were alive i feel like they would break the rules of marriage. Again i wish juliet was the same age as him.” you said as you continued to ramble. He loved it when you rambled. He loved how much passion you put in a conversation. He had let go of you and got behind you. You didn't really notice because when you ramble you ramble a lot. He got down on one knee and just smiled hoping you would turn around. Lucky you did.

“You know I just love it-” you said as you looked down. You were shocked and you smiled.

“Well, I should probably do this before you cry love.” he said as he got the ring out and you gasped.

“Just like juliet you love me no matter what, even if i forget to do my laundry, you still find the way to help me do it, i love that you are with me, i wish we were together when we were much younger, but you know i was scared. I was scared to loose what i had with you. I loved it way too much, but now i wish i did it sooner. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, just like you ramble on and on about a subject. I want you to be there with me forever. You've been there for me from the beginning and I want you to be there in the end.” he said as you smiled and had tears rolling down your cheek.

“So, will you, y/n, y/m/n, y/l/n, do me the honor and spend the rest of your life with me and become my wife?” he said as you smiled and nodded.

“Yes I will.” you said as he slipped the ring on your finger and hugged you.

You both hugged one another in the middle of the museum. You knew this was one of the memories your mind was never going to forget. You two were meant to be and you were happy to one day tell your kids you were soulmates.

[mirrorforevers]

graham/reader • and i love him

hmmmmmm so

i wrote a lil smutty n angsty gra/fem!reader fic set in the late 90s and im kinda proud of it ‼️

👉🏼 👈🏼 

this is my first work for the blur fandom and im Nervous bc i haven’t been writing for a while and english is not my first language but hope u guys enjoy it anyway - if you enjoy it enough i’ll post it on ao3 too, aight? also this hasn’t been beta’ed by anyone so yeah. also feel free to send me a message if u want to beta it in case you wanna see it there. aaaaaaaaa

tw: alcoholism

You haven't been sleeping very well these days.

Any noise, no matter how insignificant, would wake you up. When there weren't noises, there were nightmares that you were losing him - those were the worst nights. Many times you woke up crying because everything was so real, and you couldn't have peace even in your moment of rest.

Sometimes it was difficult to love him.

The memories of the long lazy days you spent watching TV, painting each other's backs and tasting all sorts of bizarre treats he brought from the different countries he travelled to with his band were gradually replaced by memories of corrosive words exchanged between the two of you and moments where either you or he ended up crying in each other's arms - out of shame, out of despair, out of frustration. But that didn't mean that you were loving him any less, just that your individual tribulations sometimes got too heavy even to share.

You knew he was going through a very difficult time, but he didn't open up to you very much about it and it frustrated you on a level that you could barely describe. Being in a serious relationship was something so new to you, and it helped you so much in your bad times, and you just couldn't understand why he didn't trust you like you trusted him. "It's not that I don't trust you, you're the most important person in the world to me," he'd typically say. "It's such a terrible feeling, and I just want it to go away. I don't even like to talk about it."

This is the same thing he says to you with teary eyes as the hot water in the shower wets your skin and his. For the third time that week, you had to help him, without even having the opportunity to take your own clothes off, to take off his clothes that smelled unbearably of alcohol and sweat and to take a shower. You no longer had the strength to argue or lecture him, and your silence of resignation somehow seemed to hurt him even more. He tried to bring up other subjects and remind you of good things, and your throat seemed to close more and more. Before your eyes could also fill with tears, you just left a small, shaky "Gra, please... let's just get this over with." escape from your lips. He got the message, maybe. And he agreed to have his hair washed in silence.

After you help him dry off and choose clean underwear, sleep got the best of him and then it was your turn to take a shower and try to sleep. You swore he was asleep a long time ago, when, just before you fell asleep, you heard an almost whispered, fragile "I love you" coming from the other side of the bed. It somehow hurt you more than it should - it's been so long since you've wanted to hear it from the man you truly know - a sober Graham, a little unsure of himself but a guy with such a full and gentle heart. You knew that his problem with drinking was not just the search for overcoming that insecurity, but a constant attempt to escape from the reality that, years before, he thought he wanted to be part of. And as for that, there was not much for you to do. But you still missed it so much in another context, in what now seems to be an eternity ago.

By some miracle, you did not wake up in the middle of the night due to some noise caused by Graham or due to some nightmare, but only in the morning thanks to the sunlight illuminating your face. But Graham was no longer on your side, and you closed your eyes, sighing. Another long day without him among thousands of rehearsals and concerts and meetings and photoshoots he had to attend, which anticipated yet another long night of ill-resolved fights.

"I'm terribly sorry for fucking up again." And then you opened your eyes. There he was, now with a shirt over the underwear you chose for him, his voice as low as ever. Without his glasses.

Finally, the Graham you knew. Your eyes light up and you move to get up from the comfortable bed you shared when he interrupts you. "No, stay right there."

"I've been missing you." You say with an almost whiny voice, a faint but genuine smile taking over your expressions. "Don't you have *anything* to do today?" You ask, as he pulls out a camera to photograph you in your current position - messy hair, while wearing only his t-shirt. You don't hide from the clicks. After being satisfied with the result, he positions himself between your legs, and you spend a few minutes in silence in that position, face to face, just reading each other's expressions so closely.

It was very difficult not to love the beautiful boy in front of you.

"I do." And with that, he places a very soft and loving kiss on your lips, which slowly incorporates the latent desire burning on both of you. It's so good not to taste the alcohol, just the mouthwash with the touch of a cigarette that he just smoked. He only stops after a few more long pecks, calmly brushing away some of the strands of hair off your face, "I'm sorry for being such a cunt. Things are being very difficult for me lately."

You look away from him so you don't cry. This subject really breaks your heart. "Things are very difficult for me too."

He calmly brings your face up to look at him again. "They don't have to be. I don't want to make you go through this. I swear I will try to get help."

This is not the first time he has said this. But you pretend to believe him. And this time, you start the kiss, a little more fervently than before. Perhaps this is a silent agreement between you two. You feel something slowly grow beneath you, and you move against the feeling, making you both gasp softly in the middle of the kiss. The lips part, and then he looks into your eyes deeply again, both foreheads touching - as he silently asks you for permission to make it up to you. You just nod between heavy shared breaths. He goes to kiss you intensely, albeit very lovingly, while slowly lowering his hand to your clit, where he begins a slow circular movement. You close your eyes, and he pleads, quietly – “Keep looking at me, love”.

Gradually, you start to grind harder against his talented fingers, and when he realizes that your body is prepared enough (and quickly expresses it to you - "fuck, you really missed me", making your cheeks burn), he inserts two fingers into you, while insisting on the circular movements that delighted you so much. You're having goosebumps and you slowly feel that delicious wave of heat build up in you as he continues with his movements. You surprise him by kissing his neck slowly between timid but sincere moans that gradually escape from you. His voice trembles with arousal. "This is all about you, love. But that's quite nice." When he feels your body stiffen, and hears your moans become more urgent, he stops his movements and gives you a kiss on the cheek that borders on mockery, giving a small laugh with your grunt of protest. He mutters a small "Be patient baby, please. Come on my mouth instead.". Graham's hoarse voice in your ear almost kills you. He raises the hand that was stimulating you in an absurd way seconds before to lift and remove your shirt, basking in the sight of your breasts - hands sliding down your sides, he lifts your chest to his mouth, which makes you happy but it does not meet 100% of your needs. He knows that. And he wants to take his sweet time while his talented tongue takes turns between each of your breasts for a while, eliciting smaller moans from you but still giving you so much pleasure.

Honestly, what a view. His big brown eyes, when not closed due to his determination and focus on making you feel good, sometimes fixes on yours and the cloud of attraction between you two almost becomes tangible. Then, he quickly lifts up to give your mouth a sensuous kiss while his hand then makes its way down your body, taking a detour at your already sensible breasts to grab one and give it a slow squeeze. "You're so fucking beautiful. I love you." His pure adoration for you drips from his voice, and you feel like you're about to burst from how much in love and horny you are.

"I love you too."

He gives you that goddamn smile that melts you every time before he lowers himself again, this time placing his head between your thighs while snaking his arms above them, trapping you in what is about to be a hell of a great time. He begins on an exploratory pace, then gradually starts eating you out with passion, though not forgetting to be gentle enough so he doesn't hurt you or seems inexperienced. That he *really* isn't.

He moans deliciously on your clit the moment your grip on his hair tightens - he loves it when you're rougher with him, a sub at heart, really, though he's undoubtedly getting better at dealing with your more submissive side lately. Your body is reacting in the prettiest ways, and he recognizes it's the time for his fingers to be inside of you again. You have to contain yourself not to wake up your neighbors with the sound of your excitement, and you bite your finger. You can't help but buck your hips in response to the stimulation. “Gra–God. I--I need to--”

“Keep still, darling. I know what you need,” His eyes are gleaming with mischief when one of his hands moves to rest on your waist so he can hold you in place. It's too much, and when he hears your quiet pleas and sees your back arching and the frozen expression of pure pleasure in your face, he intensifies his movements and you freeze - your legs twitch and he lets you ride your orgasm freely on his gorgeous, hungry mouth.

You looked down to see his chin was resting on your stomach as he gazed up at you with *that* infatuated look that suited him so well along with the cheekiest smile - he keeps his thoughts to himself before his suggestion makes your satisfied smile grow even wider: "Let's spend the day together. I still feel like I owe a lot to you.".

[personasintro]

Mimi, i adore your books and you’re doing really amazing.

For the record, i hate kiko too. I hate how she cheated and all. I hate how this whole situation kinda suffocate yn and locks her inside.

BUT

Yall need to remember that it’s just a book. A FREE one to be exact. And no one forced you to read it. Of course you have your opinion as a reader but guys, it’s not even a constructive criticism anymore. You guys are just upset that the story doesn’t go to your liking and i don’t know if i need to stress it again but FEEL FREE TO LEAVE🚶‍♀️i mean yo, first of all, it’s not even that deep. It’s just, repeat after me, A BOOK. And yes it’s only natural that when someone really loves a book they begin to overindulge by learning the characters’ behavior and everything, mad when someone dies, etc etc. But what you did by over-criticizing mimi is wrong in so many levels. I get it that you guys are so angry because kiko is being such a bitch and jungkook being just a normal person who’s madly in love with a girl, and i despise kiko too. I know some of you mentioned that it’s a “Y/N x Jungkook” ff so it should be weighing more to yn and jk interaction, and you’re absolutely right about that. I do see it lacking of yn pov privilege but this matter was already cleared as mimi explained that it is a slow burn story and things will fall into places eventually. Also guys, THEY ARE JUST IMAGINARY CHARACTERS. Mimi explaining her behaviors was because mimi IS the writer. Mimi MADE kiko and yn and even jk’s characteristics. I hope you guys are not hoping that the real jeon jeongkook from bts would behaving the same way as jk from mh. It’s up to a writer if they want to explain shits about their OC. In your eyes it might looks like someone who’s protecting their problematic friend but bestie, guess what? News flash it’s not. You can be all mad to kiko but leave mimi alone. You guys love to read right? Then try to spend your time on scrolling mimi’s page a bit, mimi already explained A LOT about what how and why kiko is doing what she does which is for all i can see is a charity for yall overly obsessed mfks. I got mad too when kiko appeared and doing her shit, i cursed too, a lot, but i kept that to myself because what? That’s the art of reading. You cry, you get angry, you laugh. I mean come on, imagine every time a writer wrote something that irritates the readers and they have to change the whole plot based on what their readers want, that would end up being hilarious and the plot would be bland af.

You might think I’m overreacting but im not doing all of this without a worthy reason, I’ve been following MH from the first chapter and I’ve read all of your ridiculous demands and just when i thought yall going to stop after mimi explained everything, you chose to be blind. So i feel like i need to step up a bit.

I write too, okay? But i never post anything on anywhere because i don’t want to deal with this kind of shit where i give people free stuff to enjoy but instead of supporting me they would rather be a bully.

Bestie, i take it that you already read all of the chapters, if it’s a paid story you’d already spent a lot. Please just think about that simple logic first when you’re going to talk shit to mimi or any writer out there.

To sum up everything: constructive criticism is okay, you can complain if there’s any grammatical errors or about how to write certain narrative, but keep your subjective opinions towards any character to yourself. Especially if the writer already explained themselves.

To mimi, i still hate kiko with all of my soul but thank you for sharing your amazing books with us. I really suggest you if they keep doing it, instead of stop writing and gain nothing in return, you could be just as petty and move all of your books somewhere like patreon and set a high charge. At least if they want to complain they gotta pay first.

Also im not writing anonymously because im not a pu$$y like all of you internet’s karen.

I'm very passionate about my stories and it was probably my mistake that I tried to make a conversation about characters and the story itself. It's okay to not like characters, it's okay to mention it when you guys give me feedback and share your reactions! That's totally fine. What I'm trying is to talk to you guys about it, sometimes share my own opinion about it but overall, I'm just trying to have a conversation and interact with you guys. I didn't think me trying to show different perspective in multiple situations means that I love Kiko or root for Kiko/Jungkook. I don't want you to think you can't share your opinions just because I've something say to it, most likely reacting to it. I mean you guys ask questions and send me asks, and I answer and react, right? This is how it should work. 

What the main problem of this entire thing is those disrespectful asks attacking me for characters I'm writing. I might be the author of it, but it's still a story I'm trying to tell. You want to get mad at characters? Okay, so be it. Be mad. But don't be mad at me for trying to talk to you. If someone doesn't like how the story is going, just don't read it. It's very simple. I've lost count how many times I already said this.

I don't cry over those asks, I don't sulk over it and it doesn't bother me the way they probably hope it does. I've my fair share of laughter whenever I read those asks because it's clear it's purely made to harass me. None of those anons couldn't tell me what is the main reason of their asks. I'm just genuinely curious what they want from me or what they expect. On the other hand, as much as I'm trying to understand them, I don't really care. I don't want any negativity on this blog and it's no my problem they keep reading a story they apparently don't like. 

But hey, I still get those reads and they waste their time to send me those asks🤡 who's the real winner here?💅

Anyway, sorry this got long! Thank you so much for this ask, you're really sweet for writing all of this!💜

[sastrugie]

john entwistle biography review

ok so first: I didnt really like the biography because I thought it would focus on totally different aspects. John was a musical virtuoso and that hardly ever gets mentioned in the book. But we get exact axccounts on how much money he spent on what day and in which pub he bought which champagne. like wow thanks. The other personal stuff is basic who knowledge you can read in any other Who biography. His autobiographical bits were joy and fun! Maybe the only reason to buy the book in my opinion. He writes totally different than the author...

ANYWAYS: here my fav facts from the book that you probably didnt know before

this is the face of a man who -when his father gave him driving lessons for his 21st birthday as a present- decided driving wasnt really his thing and he spent the money on clothes and parties instead. He never had a drivers license ever and also never desired to have one 

the hospital he was born in, was bombarded and destructed one day after his birth

as a child he was really weak and thin and had basically every disease that existed

his family was poor af

his father left the family early and held contact with his son, but soon disappeared with a new family

his stepdad, Gordon, disliked John alot and would ignore him, hated everything John did or said and he let his bad moods out on Johns mother, which caused John to be very silent and observative around the house so that there wouldnt be any trouble

he did everything to please Queenie (his mom) so that there was no fighting, according to Alison

loved drawing and playing but usually alone since he had no friends apart from their dog

he heard a trumpet solo once from a trad jazz band when he was 6 or so and decided he wanted to learn the trumpet

my fav line of the book probably: “despite his own expectations, he passed the exams to go to grammar school” like same

at school he was bullied from the older boys but soon left alone by them because he would fight back with badass comments 

he applied for the school band for the trumpet but the tallest guy in the year was chosen (he was the 2nd tallest)  which made John mad, but he discovered the french horn

soon he found a friend, mickey brown, at last and he gave him the nickname “ent”

he was so terrible in P.E that he was dismissed with other pupils to play somehwere else, they were called “the hockey misfits” and guess who was among them: Pete Townshend.

yeah as you might know they became besties because they loved music and black humour.

he found himself a gf (alison) and Pete & a school gang (like 4 ppl) and his life seemed to finally get where it should.

his worst subjects were geography and german like wow (im a german geography student lmao)

once they played in a pub and johns stepdad was there and was super angry and gave john a list with his fav pubs and told him “these are the places I never want to hear your fucking music playing”.

after walking home pete decided to switch the guitar and john wanted to become a musician more than ever

Roger found him and John kind of convinced him (it took months apparently) to get Pete into the band and then it all started

he judged the beatles because John Lennons harmonica was “out of tune” in love me do, wow ok you nerd

john started smoking with 20 and was the last one to quit his job for the band and he was against drugs at first (bc he had a “civilized” job) but then decided to give a shit, dyed his hair black, bought cigarettes, smoked dope with pete and did speed too

he wanted to step out of himself and feel good about himself and he was always a fashionnerd so he started buying and trading and selling clothes (he once was dismissed from school bc he wore the school uniform incorrectly)

with 18 or so he was still living at home, had a toy soldier collection and a pet budgie

pete and his college friends made fun of john bc he wasnt a student and still lived at home, although john could have gone to college too and he wanted to, but his stepdad again said no and he had no choice.

he was very awkward and introverted but could open up with his music 

he was really into pop art (esp pop art clothes)

was a pseudo mod bc he only liked the fancy clothes and motown music

with the who he found a purpose in his life and finally could be different than ordinary ppl

hated when people touched his hair, he literally hated it

would fuss much about his hair in general

once after a concert they were starving and the room service was alreday home so they had to look on used plates and food wagons and John found a shrimp and said: “who wants to dine with me tonight?” (idk that really made me laugh)

keith moon was john entwistles soulmate and they were the cutest, most iconic and funniest duo ever end of discussion

his amps would soon be called little manhatten bc he had so many bc he wanted to be loud

he actually went to sing at church once when he was like 24 and the band made fun of him then he stopped

in the late 60s he bought a house with alison in a normal neighbourhood and went walking the dogs on sundays and stuff

but he was a party animal and always the last to go

he was really sensitive and cried often according to Alison but only in front of certain people

he would totally step out of his way to please people

when they played at the monterey pop festival they didnt bring their own amps along and john was furious bc he said the american amps are shit and kit was like “no” and john didnt talk to him for the whole festival until their perfomance was over and they had sounded like shit to tell kit “I TOLD YOU SO” thats how extra he was

when he got money he would spend it bc he was so used to being poor that he thought it wouldnt last long and he had to enjoy it NOW

he was always calm and everyone respected him and kit told a story where he entered the room and roger was at keiths throat and and pete was screaming something and john was sitting in the corner cleaning his nails. thats who energy

liked to dance at parties

his fav drink was rémy cognac with 40% and he would drink like 1 bottle alone everyday in his later years...wow dude

he was also gentlemanTM and once paid taxis for girls from london to brighton after a party

once at a wedding the free drinks were out and John just gave the barkeeper his creditcard and said he will pay for all the drinks of the night for everyone (it wasnt his wedding)

Roger once said: “John made smartass comments that deserved a punch in the face” sounds like him yes

he didnt really care about money and always wanted to pay and never told anyone how much things had cost and brought gifts for everyone

soon that ended in a shopping addiction tho and he bought ridiculous things for ridiculous amounts of money

when the who was inactive he sank into depression :(

held the band together during who by numbers & who are you

wrote and played all the quadrophenia horn parts himself

never lost his passion for art and always drawed alot, said Alison

cried when Christopher was born aww

once he saw their manager in an art museum and how he wanted to buy a painting but couldnt afford it, so John bought it secretly and shipped it to said managers home as a gift

We all know John was a huge collector. His most treasured collection was .. wait for it: teapots.

he tried to save Keith from being arrested once and ended up being arrested too lol

wanted to write a scifi concept album but desorted the idea and gave some songs to the who (905) or Pete

was a good cook apparently

When he gave a hug HE was the one who decided when to let go sdfghjk

hated confrontation and would hire other people to tell someone bad news

he spent so much money on dumb shit like wtf

but didnt really care either

probably the master in picking up and seducing girls

he let his stepdad live in the quarwood mansion when he wasnt there but Gordon was still an asshole wtf

the contact to his real dad was really sporadic

when the who ended, it hit him really hard and he didnt know what to do besides partying and buying stuff/hording stuff

was very insecure and selfconscious in the 80s according to Maxene :(

he actually took pete breaking up the who really personal and was sad 24/7

was that kind of guy that said bad stuff about the who but when you said bad stuff he would try to kill you on spot

with cocaine he felt really confident and still like the 60s/70s rockstar he once was but he didnt understand that these times were over and he needed to move on

sometimes went into random pubs with friends and made jam sessions for the guests

he still was generous and loving until he died and tried to play with other bands but it was not the same

he really liked Kenney and hung out with him more than with his wife at some point lmao

was a total giver and people who worked at quarwood would steal money from him but when someone pointed that out he got angry with that person for even suggesting that

was a real softieee (and a huge nerd)

all his friends said that he was shy at first but once you got to know him he would come totally out of himself, was very funny, loved to tell stories, was very very loyal and would try evertyhing to make you laugh aww

all in all a glorious story with a sad ending and he did destroy himself completely, but lets remember that Pete Townshend described old John still as "wonderful, mature and elegant” so lets cling on to that :)

[kimjoongs]

—ateez college au series [psh]

so seonghwa is a nursing major bc why not and no this isnt bc im also a nursing major or maybe it is idk shh

he wanted to become a nurse bc his mom was one, and he saw how much she adored her job

plus seonghwa is a self-less and caring person, so this was the perfect choice for him

he lives in an apartment on campus with his roommate hongjoong and it’s both a blessing and a curse

it was a blessing because his and hongjoong’s personalities matched very well, so they rarely had arguments

but it was also a curse bc joong was a music production major so he’d be producing music in his room, which normally wasn’t a problem, but on nights where seonghwa was studying for his exams, hongjoong would be in the room next door blasting music

usually all seonghwa had to do was knock on his door and ask him to keep it down, but there were nights where he would just pack up his stuff and study at the campus library instead

he often stayed for about 3-4 hours or more if he had an exam the next day

hwa really liked anatomy and phys but absolutely despised chemistry

“what the hell is the difference between polar and nonpolar? wait, why does this lewis structure only have 2 bonds? shouldn’t it have 3? ah shit i forgot an electron–”

sometimes hongjoong would come out of his room to get a glass of water only to find hwa asleep at the kitchen table with a copy of the periodic table on his head

he loves getting to wear his scrubs on lab day bc 1) scrubs are super comfortable and 2) it gets him excited thinking about the future

he also started volunteering at the nursing college in the labs

he’d help the lab ops set up the labs, refill the fluids, repack the medication, or clean up the simulation rooms

this also gave him the opportunity to get to know his future professors, and he would never admit it, but whilst he was volunteering, he would admire the older nursing students wearing the official university scrubs

it made him that much more determined to get into nursing school

during his first semester his second year, he had less of a workload compared to his first year, so he had more free time and was able to go out more

one day hongjoong asked seonghwa if he wanted to hang out with a few of his friends, and he said yes

so the two of them went out to this nearby boba cafe where hongjoong’s friends mingi, san, and wooyoung were waiting for him

you were there as well, tagging along as a mutual friend of san’s, and he introduced you to the two them

“hey hongjoong, seonghwa, this is my friend y/n! i hope it’s cool if they come along. i needed to drag them out of their room or else they’d be studying for hours on end,” san teased, knocking your head lightly w his fist

you stuck your tongue out at him then turned to shake hongjoong’s and seonghwa’s hands

when you made eye contact with the latter, his face lit up with recognition “oh wait, y/n? you’re in my pathophysiology class right?”

“oh yeah, i sit right behind you. nice to meet you, seonghwa!” you flashed him a smile, and he smile back

after everyone introduced themselves, you all found a table and ordered your drinks

mingi, san, and seonghwa sat on one side of the booth whilst you, wooyoung, and hongjoong sat on the other

you were quite surprised, and quite relieved, at how well you were fitting in and getting along with hongjoong and seonghwa…especially seonghwa

during the time that you all were together, seonghwa found out that you were a nursing major too and the two of you launched into a full blown discussion about it, unaware of the looks the others were giving you both

hongjoong had a faint smile on his face, mingi was chuckling and shaking his head, and san and wooyoung were giving each other knowing smirks

at the end of the night, seonghwa had asked you for your number in case yall wanted to study tgt, and you happily obliged

then you all said your farewells and went your separate ways

a few days pass and you don’t hear from seonghwa, which was quite understandable considering the fact that it was midterm season and you were both busy

but you were also kind of looking forward to study with him, he seemed really smart and self-disciplined which was exactly the type of study buddy you needed

but another couple days pass and lo and behold you receive a text from the one and only park seonghwa that reads: hey you wanna study tgt for the patho exam at the library today?

ofc you said yes and half an hr later, you found yourself at the library sitting right across from seonghwa

the two of you had your laptops, notebooks, and handouts spread all over the tables and were completely in the zone

after an hr or two of straight studying, you suggested taking a small break and that’s where the two of you got to talking abt nursing and why you both chose to major in it

“well my mom’s a nurse, and when i was younger she would always talk about how much she loved her job. she’s super hardworking and cares about her patients, and that’s how i want to be someday. plus as a nurse, if i could just make someone’s day just a little bit better, then that’s all that matters to me.”

needless to say, you were captivated by the raw passion and love seonghwa had for his future career, and you couldn’t help but admire him for it

after your short break, the two of you went back to studying, but this time yall would often make eye contact and send each other encouraging smiles

you found yourself slowly becoming more comfortable with seonghwa as the time passed by

and after that, the two you started having more and more study sessions, growing closer and closer

whenever an exam or quiz was coming up, you two would always be found studying tgt whether it was at his apartment or the library

and that’s when the hesi exam came in

the amount of time you guys spent studying for regular exams was nothing compared to the amount of time yall spent studying for the hesi

on the day of, you and hwa were practically freaking out

“oh my god y/n i’m so scared. what if i forget how to do the conversions? what if i forget everything i learned in anatomy? what if i forget basic grammar–”

“hwa shut up you’re making me nervous!”

basically yall are a wreck from the beginning of the exam all the way to the end, and once yall walk out of that testing room you almost collapse

anyways fast forward a few weeks later it’s almost the end of the semester and also around the time where you would be receiving your letter saying whether or not you were accepted into the program

it was a friday night and the entire gang was at your apartment having a movie night

you were looking thru your emails when you stumbled upon one from your university, and when you saw what the subject was you screamed, scaring the living daylights out of mingi who was sitting next you

“y/n what the hell–” “guys, guys my nursing school letter came in oh my god, oh my god!”

the entire room went silent for a millisecond before san let out a shriek and soon everyone was crowding around you

hongjoong gripped seonghwa’s shoulder “did you get yours yet?”

the latter’s eyes widened in realization and he also whipped out his phone, letting out a choked gasp when he saw the same email “mine came in too!”

at this point all of yall were freaking the hell out, and you and seonghwa somehow found each other’s hands and held them tightly tgt

“okay, okay, okay!” you reposition yourself on the couch so you were facing your fellow nursing major “on the count of three we open it at the same time, yeah?” all seonghwa did was nod

“alright, one…two…three!” everyone held their breath and it seemed like an eternity had passed…and then you and seonghwa jumped up from the couch

“i got in!” you yelled at the same time, which caused the others to belt out the loudest cheers you’ve ever heard

overwhelmed with excitement and pride, you threw yourself onto seonghwa and gave him the tightest hug, and he wrapped his arms around your waist, gently lifting you off the ground

when you guys separated, both your eyes widened at the lack of space btwn the two of you, and you immediately jumped away from each other

“um,” you cleared your throat “i’m…i’m really proud of you, hwa.” he gave you the softest of smiles, one that made your heart race even more than it was right now

“i’m proud of you too, y/n.”

aaaand fast forward again to the beginning of the next semester! you and seonghwa were officially in the clinical portion of the nursing program which meant you two were now able to wear the university’s official nursing scrubs seonghwa probably cried a little when he first tried his on

and since yall were in the program tgt, you saw each other more frequently, even more compared to the previous semester

which certainly didnt help alleviate the strong emotions you were feeling ever since the two of you shared that small, intimate moment just a couple months prior

before you didnt use to feel anything when you hung out with seonghwa, but now just thinking abt him was enough to get you all giddy and nervous at the same time

it had reached a point where you couldnt take it anymore, so you decided to seek help from the one person who knew seonghwa best: his best friend and roommate, hongjoong

when you met up with him and poured out what it was you were feeling, hongjoong sent you a fond, knowing smile “y/n…you like him. romantically, i mean.” 

you gaped “i…what?”

“you, y/n, have romantic feelings for my best friend, seonghwa.”

“i..i like him? i don’t…i don’t have–” you froze upon seeing the way hongjoong raised his eyebrows at you

“i…i like…i like seonghwa,” you finally breathed out. hongjoong’s gaze softened and he chuckled “took you long enough…now if only seonghwa could stop being a coward and just ask you out already,” he mumbled the second part under his breath

not knowing what to do with the information you had just uncovered abt yourself, you thought it’d a good idea (read: it was the stupidest idea) to distance yourself from seonghwa for a bit, just long enough for you to process the thoughts racing thru your mind

you were unaware, however, of how you distancing yourself might look like from seonghwa’s pov

he’s noticed you not hanging out with him as much anymore outside of class, and during class whenever he’d try to talk to you, you’d just scurry over to the other side of the room

he started getting worried and, ironically, he went to hongjoong for advice

upon hearing what’s been going on, hongjoong sighed loudly and slammed his hands down on the counter

“okay, initially i wasn’t going to say anything because i wanted the two of you to find out on your own, but obviously that isn’t going to happen so i’m just going to say it. y/n’s avoiding you because they realized they’ve fallen head over heels in love with you and don’t know how to react. so hwa, please be a nice guy and help them figure it out if you catch my drift.”

at that, hongjoong walked out and into his room, leaving an open-mouthed seonghwa frozen in the kitchen, he was at a loss for words

he knew hongjoong knew abt his feelings for you, but he didn’t think you’d feel the same

after contemplating whether or not what he was abt to do was a good idea or not, seonghwa simply said “screw it” and dashed out the door, heading straight for your apartment

once he arrived, he knocked rapidly on your front door

you had barely opened the door when seonghwa practically slid right in

“seonghwa? what are you doing he–”

“y/n, i’m sorry for just barging in but i need to ask you something really important and i want you to be completely honest.”

you gasped softly at the way he was looking at you, it was so intense and so serious you’ve never seen him like that before

“uh, okay? what’s going on?” you asked nervously

“do you have feelings for me?”

you choked “w-what?!”

“i talked to hongjoong and asked him for advice bc you’ve been avoiding me the past few days, and he said it’s bc you like me. is that true?”

you didn’t know what to say, the familiar warm feeling in your stomach came back and you found it difficult to maintain eye contact with seonghwa

a few seconds of silence passed, and you could see seonghwa’s serious gaze slowly start to crumble and all of a sudden you panicked

“yes! y-yes…it’s true. i do have feelings for you,” your voice trailed off at the end, but you knew he heard you when he saw him stiffen up

he let out a shaky breath “how long?”

“huh?”

“how long have you liked me, y/n?” he asked more firmly

“u-um, i’m not sure? i honestly didn’t start noticing i felt like this until about two months ago when we found we got accepted. although, the more i think about it, i’ve been attracted to you since our first study session together. the way you talked so passionately about your future and how dedicated you were into making it come true made me feel something, and what you said was really inspiring to me and i just–”

your sentence was interrupted by a pair of lips connecting with your own, and it took a second for you to realize that…seonghwa was kissing you

oh my god…oh my god seonghwa was kissing you

once you finally registered what was happening, he pulled away from you, eyes wide and cheeks flushed

“oh..oh shit, y/n i’m so sorry! i didn’t mean to–i should’ve asked for your permission first. i’m so so sorry!”

seonghwa tried to take a step back, but you grabbed his wrist before he could

“y-y/n?” he stared at you

you couldn’t wait anymore. not after that.

“please, do that again.”

now it was seonghwa’s turn to choke on his breath “h-huh?”

you tightened your grip on his wrist “seonghwa, this is me giving you permission. kiss me again.”

and he did

unlike the first kiss, this one was much longer and more heartfelt. you felt his arms snake around your waist, tugging you closer and closer

you could feel the way your cheeks were heating up, but at the moment you didn’t care, wanting this moment to last forever

but unfortunately, all good things must come to an end

“hey y/n, who was at the doo–holy shit!” at the sight of you and seonghwa, mingi let out the loudest screech, causing the two of you to jump away from each other

“oh fuck i forgot san and mingi were here,” you cursed under your breath. seonghwa stood next to you, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck

mingi still remained where he was in the hallway, mouth wide open in shock before he recollected himself “ohoho my god, san! text wooyoung and tell him he owes me dinner!” and with that, mingi took off running down the hall and into one of the rooms

and once again you were left alone w seonghwa

for the longest time, the two of you just stood there, refusing to speak nor look at each other

the room was so silent you could practically hear both of your hearts racing

“so uh…does this mean you and i are…?” seonghwa asked sheepishly, taking a small step towards you

you glanced up at him and couldn’t help but giggle at the hopeful look on his face

you turned towards him and flashed him the brightest grin “yeah, we are.”

the smile that appeared on seonghwa’s face at that moment was enough to take your breath away, and you had to physically restrain yourself from kissing him again

instead you opted for taking his hand in yours and entwining your fingers tgt

now that you and seonghwa were officially dating, it made studying that much more fun

when you guys started doing your clinicals, it became hard for yall to see each other, but it made your time tgt much more special when you did have time

seonghwa is a very touchy and cuddly person, so whenever there’s a short break in btwn lab or lecture, he’ll either be sitting next to you with his head on your shoulder or his arm around your shoulder and your head on his chest

the other nursing students (and sometimes the professors) would scream at how cute yall were

and bro if you thought seonghwa was your biggest motivator before you started dating, then he’s even bigger motivator now

when he quizzes you, he’ll always give you a kiss on the cheek if you answer a question correctly, or when you come back from a particularly rough shift he’ll be there to hold you and tell you that you did your best

oh yeah and to cheer you up he’ll say a bunch of anatomy jokes

“hey y/n, i aorta tell you how much i love you”

“oh god, hwa don’t even start.”

“oh c’mon, quit ovary-acting.”

“park seonghwa”

“you’re going tibia okay”

“i’m breaking up with you”