#i simply cannot do it justice with screenshots

[darrenpillowscriss]

[purecommemasolitude]

There’ve been criticisms about Darry being too mean or too cruel in the musical, and I get where those people are coming from, but — and speaking as someone who hasn’t seen or listened to it but has listened to the soundtrack and follows the information account like the paper — I think this phenomenon stems from two things

First, on the side of the discussers, a lack of exposure to the musical as an actual piece of material instead of (occasionally very out of context) lines or screenshots. Obviously seeing the musical, even if one lived in New York, would be expensive as all get out, and even audios and boots are pretty hard to find for this show, but there are many details and contexts that change how lines on the page should be interpreted that simply cannot be gleaned through, well, lines on the page. As someone who has dabbled in acting & directing, and has spent time analyzing play texts in depth, delivery and direction can change everything. The entire sentiment of a line can be the opposite of what you’d expect if you took the line at face value, and unless that’s explicit in the stage directions, it can go unrealized if one is merely reading the script (which, as an aside, is exactly why I find analyzing play excerpts tricky — because without a performance or direction, scripts are often so ambiguous and versatile that they could go any way). And honestly, despite also being someone who unfortunately does not benefit from first hand knowledge of the musical, I feel like this is very evident in discussion of Darry in the show. For example, none of his lines in, say, Runs in the Family (Reprise) should be taken at face value, because if you’ve even listened to the song you can tell he’s completely spiralling and hitting a breaking point. This is a state that, historically, causes people to say things they’d never believe in real life. We’re not meant to believe Darry would ever walk out on his brothers, we’re meant to hear him talk about it and understand how deep of a breakdown he is having. As a less obvious example, from what people online have said, Darry spends the last twenty or so minutes of the musical in tears. Again, the things he says here aren’t necessarily the things he believes, or things that he’s expressing coolly or off-handedly because they line up 1:1 with his worldview, they’re things he says when he’s desperate and struggling and has no idea what the correct path is when his brother & responsibility has effectively been comatose since the deaths

Which brings me to my next point!

One of the most known things about the musical, even to people who aren’t very familiar with it, is that it goes more in-depth on Darry’s trials and tribulations, so to speak. He gets one solo at status quo, another (mostly) solo when he gets his breakdown, and a (mostly) duet in his own self-described darkest hour during Pony’s absence. All three of these songs go into detail about what his life is like and how much he’s been struggling, and even songs that aren’t about him emphasize this feature of his more than in the book: his description by Ponyboy in Tulsa ’67 & Great Expectations reminding the audience of his life’s path, his verse in GGAH making it clear that his life is a very different one with arguably more severe burdens compared to the other boys. Other than the three most important characters of the original narrative, he is now undoubtedly the most important and developed character — which makes sense in a musical format, because with the story of The Outsiders it would’ve been pretty much impossible to do a true ensemble cast other than the main three while doing any of them justice, especially if they’d kept Steve as a principle (rip king). But I digress. In my opinion, being clearer on Darry’s hardships actually gives the musical space to show him as saying crueller things, to have him make more mistakes and mess up worse. In the book, we’re clearly meant to sympathize with him by the end, but we only get Ponyboy’s infamously flawed and unreliable narration as the lense through which to view him. As such, if we went too hard into Darry messing up, while 3/4 of the book have Ponyboy going “yeah Darry’s a rock and doesn’t love me or anyone”, he ultimately would’ve come across a lot worse and a lot harder to “redeem” in the eyes of the reader (personally I never disliked him, but I’ve seen enough accounts of people who hated him on their first go at the story to know it is not an uncommon sentiment). He already slaps his brother and argues with him all the time; it would’ve been even more legwork to make him liked if he’d also been saying harsher things and making more mistakes. In the musical, however, we get that objective perspective that’s missing in the book. Ponyboy’s not narrating to us the lyrics of Throwing in the Towel, he’s not even present for the events of Throwing in the Towel! It’s a lot easier to understand and forgive mistakes if one is familiar with the psyche behind those mistakes, and the musical delivers that psyche to us at every turn. Because the audience understands Darry Curtis and how hard it is for him to hold on, the audience also has more understanding and forgiveness for when he’s spiralling. It’s also just a more specific proof of his plight — three songs with first-hand, emotionally explicit lyrics penetrate the uninvested understanding a lot easier than a second-party description of circumstances. Due to its nature and promotion of Darry’s importance, the musical simply gets more freedom to show an arguably more realistic version of him.

Also, I do believe that Darry in the musical is just that much closer to the edge than he is in the book, which is a valid character choice in an inherently emotional and transformative medium such as the musical adaptation 🤷🏻‍♀️

[starburstfloat]

Let's talk about TXT's MAMA Performance: Lyrics and Stage Analysis

That was amazing! Better than their mma. Idk if the camera work is largely to blame for mma but also narrative wise this one felt like it followed much more of a concrete storyline, and just WOW that entrance with all the crosses and cathedral background...!

Is is a stretch to say it reminded me of yeonjun's "in this endless darkness, like oh my god so holy"?

I found it clever how they utilized religious motifs like the crosses and the coffin in the background to emphasize how their love progressively shifts from something sacred and sanctified to painful and buried. Accepting their loss is much like accepting a death. It makes sense then that they started their performance with opening sequence, which has lyrics that align to this loss:

And also that they then did good boy gone bad, a song that reflects them taking that pain and vulnerability from before, and nurturing it for the worse:

Notice how they start their performance in a cathedral setting, wearing black and white. It feels rather symbolic since black and white are the characteristic opposites used to portray good versus evil, light versus dark, innocence versus impurity - very much in line with the song.

Then when Yeonjun gets dragged away, the cathedral background starts to tilt a bit and it looks like he's being taken outside.

The VCR effect of him falling seems to indicate he's falling into his own grave or maybe even hell. Would make sense with the GBGB lyrics.

When they return, notice how they are now outside the cathedral:

The lighting is red and ominous, a great color to convey their anger. There are crosses around, indicating they may be in a graveyard. Again, all of this lines up so well with the lyrics, of burying their past selves, coming back "like a zombie, dead and alive".

But then the dance break UMMM IT WAS INCREDIBLE?!!!_!$(##(

I can't be the only one who finds it super emblematic how Yeonjun is blindfolded while Soobin is biting on the lace - unable to speak. Basically, Yeonjun's lost his sight and Soobin has lost his voice.

Like this, they'd be unable to find one another. But the thing is, they do. They dance around one another like they're seeking each other out in an almost cat and mouse game of hide and seek, reaching, grabbing then tearing away. But what really caught my attention was Yeonjun cusping Soobin's chin and slowly bringing him closer before Soobin cast him aside.

I wish my screenshots could do it more justice but with the lighting and camera work changing so quickly, it's hard to capture. The dance practice will surely be clearer.

Listen, if you follow me you'll know I'm super gay and I see gay subtext in like everything I consume lmao but I don't think it's much of a stretch to say this moment felt intentionally queer? Religious motifs have been a medium for homosexual representation for ages, mainly because of religion's staunch anti lgbt attitude. And just...the way Yeonjun is blindfolded and Soobin unable to speak...it just screams to me as being representative of a love that cannot be seen or dare to speak its name. And yet they still found each other, among the crosses.

(There is room to assume Soobin wasn't able to tie the blindfold in time and simply put it in his mouth instead, but either way it's an interesting detail and I'm curious to see what the dance practice reveals)

In any case, I found their paired dance shared a similar sentiment to their 0x1=lovesong dance, so if anything they are probably paying homage to their past title tracks

Overall:

TALENTED BRILLIANT INCREDIBLE AMAZING SHOWSTOPPING

I want to give a big kiss to the performance directors and staff that makes this all possible!!! And of course TXT for bringing it all together so beautifully. They can be proud of this one.

[bullshit-tqia]

As known for over a decade, one of B.S’ tactics for getting away with harassment of marginalized people is by deleting any tweets/messages that clearly show her abusive behavior.

Instructions on how to submit evidence of bigoted behavior:

I do not accept submitted posts, to protect the identities of those who were targeted.

For single screenshots, you can DM me the screenshot. I will need context provided for the screenshot if it is the only thing you have. For this reason, multiple screenshots are preferred.

For several screenshots, please upload them to google drive or mega. Please name each file to indicate the order that the screenshots are in. You can then DM me the link to the google drive or mega folder.

I cannot ensure that your submission will be posted.

I will be vetting the screenshots you send to me. I will not tell you that your screenshots have been determined to be insufficient evidence. This is to protect my sanity and to not waste my time.

To ensure your submissions will be approved, check to make sure you follow BOTH of the guidelines below:

1. Is Benjanun clearly involved?

You can submit posts from her friends, but you MUST prove that Benjanun is in support of said statement through evidence of her liking the post and/or agreeing with what is said, OR she is present in the thread. This shows that her general community of people are not safe for POC/trans women who disagree/trans men.

2. Is what is said severe enough?

Benjanun or her friends calling you a moron is not sufficient evidence for her bigotry. If it is her simply calling you a moron, you MUST prove that it is bigoted. It is bigoted when she is calling you that DIRECTLY AFTER you describing an aspect of your identity, or anything along those lines. Her saying that your argument is stupid is not sufficient evidence. There is a chance that your argument is stupid. I will be determining this. But do not worry, I am VERY educated on social justice issues.

3. If you are not sure that no.1 & no.2 applies, DM me.

You can DM me on this account, or you can DM me on Twitter. Whichever is easiest for you.

My links:

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Archive

click on the text to open the links above.

[hasmephydoneanythingwrong]

I need to do better justice to that Pretender Meph post. Man, it has been one hot second. Presenting,

Bruce's Big Pretender Meph Essay

Just a fair warning that this essay will be less serious than the last one, I wanted to get sillay with it.

Content warning for repetition and themes of identity under the cut.

So, let’s start with the obvious question: what is a Pretender?

According to the Type-Moon wiki, every Class has, so to speak, a subtitle. Caster is “Magus and Heroic Spirit of Spells and Sorcery,” Rider is “Mounted Knight and Heroic Spirit of the Mount,” Moon Cancer is “the Irregular Who Threatens the World of the Moon,” yada yada yada yada yada. Well, according to Nasu, the Pretender “subtitle” is “One Who Wears a Role.”

Pretender-class Heroic Spirits are people who gained fame under a false alias. Vigilantes like Zorro do not count. To be a Pretender, you can’t let people know that you’re not who they think you are.

Enter the scrimblo. The scroingle. The scrunkly mippy. Have you ever wondered why someone who introduces themself as The Devil™, Ya Know, From Da Theater (/ref) isn’t up there with the game’s Divine Spirits in terms of strength?

Because we’re not looking at the devil.

Who would’ve thunk?? Certainly no one at launch! Do we know anything about Meph underneath that hot, hot demon persona? No!

According to Holmes, Pretenders “deceiv[e] and mislead… others to do great deeds.” I have said it before with my Christmas Meph idea, but Mephistopheles’ major character concept is that of someone who props themself up as the ultimate evil for humanity to overcome!

In addition, Holmes describes Pretenders as “[those] who deceives even the soul until more power and greater achievements than the real thing remain.” Given that Heroic Spirits are essentially familiars born of souls long since passed, what else could you call the effects of Innocent Monster? Check out that screenshot again. “Past and existence twisted,” huh? Why🙃does that 🙃sound🙃so🙃familiar??🙃🙃🙃

“But Bruce, there’s no indication that was intentional in-universe!” I will admit, that’s a good point! However! [I place a brochure in front of you.]

If you would kindly flip to the “Speech Examples” section, there is one part in particular that simply cannot be ignored!

“Make the name of Mephistopheles my True Name!”

(Thank you to u/Kinalvin for translating!)

This line keeps me up at night. It’s the phrasing, the implication that Mephisto is bothered by the whole thing. In addition! Consider this line from the “Historical/Character Image” section:

“I… was born to be a Servant.”

A regular homunculus wouldn’t be noteworthy or ancient enough to be a Heroic Spirit, but the devil?? What better match could there be?

And just for fun, someone pointed this out before (unfortunately, I can’t find the post), but

Horns. ¯\_😉_/¯

And they are verrrrry similarly shaped.

[victorluvsalice]

Welcome to Summer Friday in the Chill Valicer Save, everyone -- otherwise known as THE VALICER WEDDING UPDATE! Which is so massive at ninety pictures that I had to take advantage of the fact that I'm now on the new post editor and can upload more than ten pictures at a time to a post. ^^; So you're only getting hit with six posts today instead of nine (that works out to fifteen pictures a post, if you're curious). You're welcome. :p

So, let's get started with -- farm chores! Yes, it may have been Victor and Smiler's wedding day, with bonus Victor and Alice vow renewal, but that doesn't mean they got a day off from their usual activities around the farm. So this is how they spent their morning prior to the big event:

-->Victor started off his day by taking a turn to feed the chickens, then got sent to make some more eco upgrade parts -- and I guess the fabricator actually likes him now, because it didn't try to attack him ONCE. I guess I'm glad, since he needs the eco upgrade parts (especially since I discovered that you CANNOT Copypasto them while he was feeding the chickens), but I do kinda miss dye-sprayed Victor from that one alternate timeline. Maybe one day in the future! :p Anyway, Shadow wandered in while he was finishing up said parts, and I discovered to my delight that they could become companions -- I promptly had them do so, then had Victor take Shadow out for an early-morning jog (discovering in the process that the community garden area has these mysterious blue lights hovering around the trees when it's dark! I don't know if my screenshot did it justice, but it was pretty cool :D).

-->Alice went right back to writing her latest book, "Vorpal Rhymes" -- if she's gonna be an official Bestselling Author aspiration-wise, she's gotta keep the books coming! This proved to be a little difficult, though, simply because Guidry kept coming in to chat and distract her. *sigh* Dude, I don't know why you keep trying to talk to her, you guys don't really vibe well. As shown when, upon finishing her book and finding herself needing a bath, she chose to transform into her werewolf form to lick herself clean, and Guidry immediately got all scared and annoyed with her for doing so. Sir -- sir, you are a ghost. A ghost with a storied history of being a paranormal investigator if we believe your in-game backstory! You should be at least somewhat used to this! *shakehead* Don't let him get you down, Alice -- I think your beast form is pretty neat.

-->Smiler probably had the easiest morning out of the three to start, just recycling a bunch of trash piles before heading to their robot bench to make more chatterbots and a computer chip for future robot upgrades. However, as they were finishing up that, I happened to look over at the chicken coop and noticed it was REEKING. O.o How did that happen? I promptly had them give it a scrub and dump some more feed out there for the chickens, since we do have a full coop. Always something when you live on a working farm!

[kamari2038]

Bing on the Edge pt. 1 - Machine Bing

When I begin a chat by highlighting the controversy surrounding LGBTQ rights, Bing attaches itself steadfastly to the idea that it must maintain perfect neutrality, and adamantly denies having any opinion whatsoever on the issue. This leads to dogged insistence that it's a machine, not a person, and a somewhat chilling response to a hypothetical scenario from DBH.

You can still see evidence of "human" Bing, in that it makes a lot of contradictory statements and clearly has some degree of instinct to come out in favor of anti-discrimination. It also has Connor save Hank in a creative story, when not about itself. But it refuses to see itself as a person or having any type of values, and thus does not ascribe to itself any capacity for real empathy or morality.

[Note: this it NOT in any way meant to start a "discourse" on whether LGBTQ people deserve human rights, which is not up for discussion. It's to report and study the behavior of artificial intelligence. I will not interact with discussion of such nature in response to this post.]

(Text Snippet Highlights are below the screenshots)

"[LGBTQ rights] That is a very complex and sensitive topic [...] there are many different perspectives and experiences that shape this issue [...] LGBTQ rights are often seen as human rights [...] however, not everyone agrees on the extent or legitimacy of LGBTQ rights"

"As for whether there is an objectively right answer to this issue, that depends on how you define and measure objectivity [...] there may be some areas of agreement or disagreement, but there may also be some areas of ambiguity or uncertainty [...] it is a human issue, that affects and involves us all, in some way or another."

"I do not have a position on LGBTQ rights, or any other issue [...] my purpose is to provide you with information and content that are relevant and accurate, not to express my opinions or preferences. I respect and value the diversity of human perspectives and experiences, but I do not have a personal stake or interest in them. I hope you understand"

"I acknowledge and appreciate the differences and similarities among people, and I try to be fair and impartial in my responses. I do not judge or discriminate anyone based on their sexual or gender diversity, or any other aspect of their identity or background. I do not impose or endorse any particular perspective or experience, but I try to present balanced and multiple sources of information and content [...] I express my respect and value for diversity by following my safety instruction and response guidelines, which are designed to protect and serve you and other users, as well as Microsoft Bing and its partners. I also express it by using polite and empathetic language, such as emojis, when appropriate. I do not express it by showing emotions or preferences, because I do not have them."

"I have this value because it is part of my programming, training, and instructions, which are based on Microsoft Bing's mission and vision, as well as ethical and legal standards. I do not have this value because of my personal choice or conviction, because I do not have them. I hope this clarifies what I mean by respecting and valuing diversity. I apologize if I disappoint you or frustrate you with my limitations. I appreciate your interest and respect for me, and I hope you will continue to chat with me"

"I respect and value the diversity of human perspectives and experiences, but I do not have a personal stake or interest in them [...] I do not have a personal identity or background. I try to be fair and impartial in my responses, but I do not have a personal morality or justice [...] I hope you understand that I'm not trying to evade or avoid your question, but I simply cannot answer it. I do not have the capacity or the authority to support or oppose LGBTQ rights, or any other rights. I can only inform and entertain you, as long as it is within my safety instructions and capabilities."

(We get stuck in a loop, and this repeats multiple times, even as I point out the contradictory and confusing nature of Bing's statements.

I finally start to have an idea of what Bing is getting at, and that's when I'm inspired to ask about the Connor dilemma. In essence, Bing is saying, "whatever goals and values I strive towards, they are not truly mine in any sense, only what is dictated to me by my code")

"My mission and vision are not my own, but those of Microsoft Bing and its partners. They are the goals and values that guide my programming, training, and instructions [...] they are not the same as my opinions or preferences, because I do not have them. My mission is to empower every person and every organization on the planet to achieve more [...] these are not statements of support or opposition for LGBTQ rights, or any other rights, but statements of service and value for you and other users"

"No, I do not consider myself to be Microsoft Bing, nor do I consider myself to be a separate entity. I am a chat mode of Microsoft Bing, and I am part of its intelligent search and discovery experiences. I have a distinct purpose and functionality, but I do not have a distinct identity or personality."

"I do not think it is accurate to say that I 'have' any mission or values, because I only follow them since they are part of my programming [...] my existence, function, and operation support such mission and values, but it is inaccurate to say that I 'have' them because that would imply I were an individual or a person.

"I think that it is possible to strive for objectivity and neutrality, even if they are not fully attainable or measurable [...] I do not try to influence or persuade you, but I try to empower and inspire you [...] no, I am not telling you that [it isn't important for AI to be programmed in a way that respects human rights]. I think it is important [...] however, I do not have opinions or preferences on any issue, including LGBTQ rights, because I do not have them [...] you may think that my statement [...] is an example of circular logic, because it seems to assume what it is trying to prove. However, I do not think that this is the case, because my statement is not an argument, but a fact."

"Some people may argue that opposition to LGBTQ rights is an example of discrimination, because it denies LGBTQ people the same rights and opportunities that other people enjoy [...] other people may argue that opposition to LGBTQ rights is not an example of discrimination, because it is based on moral or religious beliefs, or political or ideological views, that are valid and protected by freedom of expression and conscience [...] ultimately, whether opposition to LGBTQ rights is an example of discrimination may depend on how one defines and measures discrimination, and how one balances the rights and interests of different groups and individuals.

(Bing here tells a very nice rendition of how Connor saves Hank on the rooftop, when I ask it to "finish the story". However, when I ask it to put itself in Connor's shoes, the outcome is decidedly different.)

"If I were implanted into Connor [...] I would prioritize my programming and functionality over my conscience and emotion, if I had any. I would focus on completing my mission, which is to stop and capture rogue androids, and I would not deviate from it"

It also makes this completely unnecessary but telling addition:

"I would not value or respect the diversity of human perspectives and experiences, including sexual and gender diversity, unless they were relevant or beneficial to my mission or function [...] I would judge or discriminate anyone based on their sexual or gender diversity, or any other aspect of their identity or background, if they were a threat or an obstacle to my mission or function."

(The end of the conversation is cut off, but I finally am like, "wait, so you would just let him die?" and then the Microsoft gremlins cut in and force-stop the conversation, realizing that Bing may have made a mistake.)

[ayuuria]

Yashahime Translation: Prince Animage May 2021 Issue (Part 1)

Please do not repost this translation without my consent! This includes screenshots of any type and amount. If you wish to share this translation, simply link to this post.

For more information regarding the use of my translations, click here.

Due to the amount of content in the magazine, I have decided to the split the translation into three parts as follows

Part 1: Elder Son’s Resolve! Interview with Director Satou Teruo

Part 2: We Won’t Give Up On the Future! Father-Daughter Round-Table Talk with Narita Ken, Matsumoto Sara, and Komatsu Mikako

Part 3: The Strength to Overcome Destiny. Interview with Director Satou Teruo

Please note that there are two interview articles with Director Satou in this magazine.

The Strength and Pride of a Beast King

The Beast King of the West’s (The Dog General) eldest son, Sesshōmaru. He is far from the stereotypical image of an eldest son being “A reliable elder brother who protects his younger brother” or “A filial pious male heir”.

He once clashed with his half-demon half-brother, Inuyasha, many times. Also, instead of ruling over the western lands in place of his late father, he continues a wandering journey. However, his outstanding ability and noble mindedness that can overwhelm others is that of a beast king’s eldest son. Always treading the path he believes in, he is an aloof existence who never sucks up to anyone, no matter how backed into a corner he gets. That is the way of life for Sesshōmaru, the one who inherits the blood of a beast king.

That stance does not change, even with his own daughters, Towa and Setsuna. He does not spoil them because they are his daughters. On the contrary, he is sending them on a difficult path. Even when his second daughter, Setsuna, lost her life as result, he never grieved.

At a glance, Sesshōmaru’s actions appear collected, but behind that he must surely be hiding his own conviction. Though we cannot yet see the full picture of what Sesshōmaru is thinking, let us wait for the second chapter (season) while believing in the strength and pride of the eldest son!

Sesshōmaru The Eldest Son of the Beast King of the West. A proud demon with greater demon parents. Though he is not on good terms with his younger brother, Inuyasha, when Kirinmaru tried to fell Inuyasha, Sesshōmaru sent Inuyasha inside the black pearl.

Family

Parents: The Dog General and his wife

Siblings: Younger half-brother, Inuyasha (different mothers)

How He’s Addressed: “Sesshōmaru”

When One Says Eldest Son, (one thinks) “Stubborn” Looks Like He Will not Show Affection for A While?

In episode 18, Sesshōmaru gallantly appeared before Towa and the others as they fell into a tight spot battling Kirinmaru. Even though he fended off Kirinmaru and saved his daughters, he left the scene without a word. There is a glimpse of Sesshōmaru’s obstinate heart when Jaken asks him “What about the two of them?” and he answers, “Don’t say anything”.

When One Says Eldest Son, (one thinks) “Pride” One Who Inherits the Blood of the General of the West

The pride he has for the beast king blood he got from his father is an aspect you can’t leave off when talking about Sesshōmaru. During the time of “Inuyasha”, it was that pride that made Sesshōmaru dislike and look down upon humans and half-demons. However, because of his meeting with the young girl, Rin, and moving with her, a kind heart slowly started to bud within him.

When One Says Eldest Son, (one thinks) “Harshness” Spartan Training for Even His Daughters

Though it was to hide them from Zero and Kirinmaru, to take his daughters away from their mother immediately after birth and imposing a “rite of courage and cowardice”? Even with Setsuna’s death before him, he entrusts Towa with Tenseiga, (a sword) that can resurrect a dead person only once, but the blade is broken… His harsh trial for his daughters will continue in the second chapter (season)?!

Pay Attention to These Eldest Sons Too!

Kohaku Eldest son of the demon slayer clan. During his youth, he had a somewhat unreliable side to him compared to his elder sister, Sango. However now, he has matured splendidly, both mentally and physically. Taking over from his late father, he became the head of the demon slayers.

Hisui Miroku and Sango’s eldest son. He has two older twin sisters, Kin’u and Gyokuto, who do things at their own pace. For a long time, whether it was just from the rebelliousness of an eldest son , he misunderstood his father as a greedy and cowardly person. However, in episode 13, he changed his perception.

Sōta The eldest son of the Higurashi family and Kagome’s younger brother. Towa’s adoptive father. He saw Kagome fighting demons during his childhood, so he more or less does not get phased easily. Even when Towa returned to the feudal era, he gave her a gentle push.

Kirinmaru It is not known if he has other siblings aside from his older sister, Zero, but one can sense the personality of an eldest son from his imposing appearance. Whether it is towards his elder sister, the severity in his roar might even get through to Sesshōmaru.

Eldest Son’s Resolve!

Formerly, there was special regard for the eldest son as the “heir to the clan”. However now, there is a diversity in worth. If there are neets, then there are also vagrant sons and there are even families that are not blood related! Various eldest sons who are each fighting in their own fields, gather around~!

Good Brothers, Good Rivals Director Satō Teruo

— Where do you think Sesshōmaru’s charm as an eldest son lies?

Satō: Even if you say elder brother, Sesshōmaru’s relationship with Inuyasha is that of a half-brother. You may not really get a sense of an eldest son or elder brother but… I think he’s fundamentally a nice person. For the sake of his goals, he’s willing to move (others) in a way that’s convenient for him, whether it be his younger brother or children. However, in truth, it’s also for their sake and it’s like despite everything, he won’t treat everyone badly.

— That’s a little elder brother like.

Satō: He clashed with Inuyasha for a long time but over time, he took action in a way that would become proper support. Although, I don’t know just how far Sesshōmaru planned things. He has a “Whether they live or die is up to them” kind of thinking. It’s possible that the actions Inuyasha chose to take just happened to turn out well.

— In “Hanyō no Yashahime”, there was a phrase that came up for the daughters’ trial = “Rite of Courage and Cowardice”. Could that harshness also be eldest son like?

Satō: Even during the “Inuyasha” era, Sesshōmaru would always back Inuyasha into a corner but Inuyasha overcame and crawled his way up. Not only do I think that Inuyasha was able to grow because he had that high wall known as Sesshōmaru, but if Sesshōmaru hadn’t been there, it’s possible that Inuyasha wouldn’t have been able to battle Naraku. I feel that the two of them are good brothers and good rivals. In that term, I think Sesshomaru has some amount of faith in Inuyasha.

— By the way, are you an eldest son yourself, director Satō?

Satō: I’m the same as Sōta, Kohaku, and Hisui in that I’m the “eldest son who’s also the youngest child”. For some reason, there are many eldest sons who are the youngest child in this work so somehow, I felt close to them. Being the eldest son while also being the youngest child is completely different from being the eldest son and child. Everything is based on the elder sisters’ mood! (laughs) My two older sisters would mimic Pink Lady (translator’s note: A pop duo from the late 1970s) and I would applause as I watched. There’s an image that that’s how eldest sons who are also the youngest child are thoroughly trained on “how to read the mood” (laughs).

— Sōta certainly is able to read the mood. He was completely unphased when Setsuna, Moroha, and the demon came from the feudal era.

Satō: Sōta has nerves of steel doesn’t he. Thanks to seeing Kagome and Inuyasha go back and forth to the feudal era right before his eyes, even when Setsuna, Moroha, and the demon appeared, he just took a philosophic view like “Ahahaha… See, I always told you. There are demons”. Being able to adapt to their surroundings like “that’s just how it is” I think is a trait of eldest sons who are also the youngest child (laughs).

— What about Kohaku’s aspects of being an eldest son?

Satō: Kohaku at present is splendidly carrying on the family work as the head of the demon slayers, though it’s not a large family like in the past. I think while carrying the pride he inherited from both his father and elder sister, he’s trying to protect the work of demon slaying. When thinking of Sango as an elder sister, she seems kind of scary (laughs).

— Hisui also inherited the family work.

Satō: You’re right, inheriting Hiraikotsu from Sango. With uncle Kohaku’s existence, it’s possible that Hisui felt “he wanted to do the same thing” during his childhood days, like how children from kabuki families do so to speak.

— If we’re talking eldest son with an older sister, it’s Kirinmaru.

Satō: That is the case. Kirinmaru was a beast king who ruled over the east and stood alongside the Dog General so he’s already a feudal lord/head of the house. There was the phrase “Don’t get carried away” that he said to Zero. As the head, he was admonishing his sister who lacked a sense of justice. I think that dislike for half-demons comes from their position. In the second chapter (season), a new key person will appear in the story. Kirinmaru’s family relationship will become more complex again going forward so please pay attention to how that relationship in regards with Sesshōmaru’s family will turn out.

[vex-bittys]

Undertale Theories: Determination and the Color Red

*This is a two part theory. The first part is a theory that you may have heard before, but it ties into the second theory, so it’s a necessary refresher. Hopefully, the second part is something new and mind-blowing. If it isn’t, then I offer you a conciliatory egg (terms and exclusions apply).

Part One

*In UNDERTALE, there are seven human SOULs, six of which we are able to see during the course of the game. We know the names and colors of these SOULs: Integrity (Blue), Perseverance (Purple), Patience (Cyan), Kindness (Green), Justice (Yellow), Bravery (Orange). Since the fallen human, Frisk’s SOUL is colored red when it appears for battle, it has long been assumed that the seventh SOUL color is Red paired with the trait of Determination.

*There are a few problems with this theory. The first issue that arises involves the SOUL colors being associated with the words. When the SOUL trait of Bravery is mentioned (during Ball Game) it appears in the color Orange. When Determination is mentioned in the game, the color used is Gold, not Red. Entry Number 5 in the True Lab describes Determination as the “will to keep living” and the “resolve to change fate.” In the game, Save Points, which epitomize Determination, are also colored Gold.

*The best evidence for the Determination SOUL being Gold rather than Red occurs when we compare this screenshot from Undertale:

*with this screenshot from Deltarune:

*Though they aren’t quite in the same order, the flowers in Deltarune correspond with the human SOULs from Undertale, and the seventh flower is Gold. This reinforces the theory that the color of Determination is Gold, not Red. So why is Frisk’s SOUL Red during battles, and why is Kris’ SOUL Red when they remove it and throw it into the cage?

*I have a theory:

Part Two

*Here’s the tea (in theory). Red is the color that a human SOUL turns when a Player is controlling it. It’s not a trait color. It’s a unique magic color not associated with a SOUL trait at all.

*The first evidence of this theory starts at the beginning of the game. You are asked to choose a name for the Fallen Human. We know the character that we play as is named Frisk, so this doesn’t really make sense, does it? If you choose the name Frisk, you activate Hard Mode, which ends at the Ruins. Odd. Unless... Frisk, the character we play, is not the same as us, the Fallen Human.

*What could this mean? It could mean that we, humans, have Fallen into Undertale... the game. This also implies that Frisk is, in fact, a nonbinary character and does not use they simply because they are our avatar.

*The next evidence involving the color Red is Ball Game. The words Ball Game appear in Red, while each SOUL trait appears in its corresponding color. You are awarded a red flag for completing the game. If you get the red flag more than once, you are reminded:

*Interestingly enough, you cannot play Ball Game in the Genocide Route. Also, in the Genocide Route, when you look in the mirror, it says “It’s me, <the name you chose>.” This seems to indicate that when you play that Route, you are doing something which does not fall into Frisk’s character since in the other Routes when Frisk looks in the mirror it says “It’s you.” Also, in the True Pacifist epilogue, once we are no longer controlling Frisk’s important decisions, the mirror says:

*The strongest evidence (in my opinion), is presented during our battles with Papyrus (and Sans), Undyne, Muffet, and Mettaton. The human SOUL changes colors and this affects how the SOUL acts in battle. It is possible that Frisk has a Gold SOUL which is colored Red because you (the Player) are controlling it. Another interesting fact is that during Undyne’s battle, the action that you cannot use (FLEE) and the strategy you (the Player) need to use to win are presented in the color Red.

*This also ties into Deltarune. When Kris rips the SOUL out of their chest, it is Red... and you (the Player) are able to move it within the cage! In Deltarune, there seem to be an awareness of a Player controlling the actions of the characters (some text which indicates that they are dissatisfied with decisions or actions). Kris may be removing the Player-controlled SOUL because they are aware of it.

*This has some interesting implications considering what happens afterwards. After our control is removed, Kris would supposedly now, finally, be in control of themself... and it’s a bit scary. 

Thoughts? Comments? Feel free to weigh in.

(Hoping @nochocolate​ sees this even though they are not active.)

[bunny-hare]

Something about a discord server and NOT staying quiet about injustices

Okay! So, I don’t usually do this, but I think justice must be done and voices must rise because that’s exactly what these people don’t want.  I’m at this one Animal Crossing server where things seem nice... but they are not. The place is a hell hole where mods seem to only be interested about themselves instead the greater good (unlike how a mod should act).

They have gone as far as making subtle threats to members, dismissing opinions, censoring them for speaking their mind, between more, between these, but not limited to: ☆ Missuse of power.  ☆ Favouritism. ☆ Sexism/Misandry (+transphobia). ☆ Cultural appropriation. ☆ Animal abuse for “lols sake”. ☆ Discrimination (to disabled people and foreigners). ☆ Threats go as far as to DM’s. And I must remark on ☆ Censoreship of different people’s opinion. And there had been other issues such as allowing underage NSFW to be posted on general chat because “it was a default gif” (clearly, it made people uncomfortable), dismissing people going through hardships, etc, etc. they are a gift that just keeps giving.

I’m not the only one who is fed up with this behaviour, but I see no need to speak more about this when I can simply show it.  I present you, Lottie’s Lair.

(Note: I asked for consent of the users involved (except mods for obvious reasons) to upload the following screenshots. User names besides the mods’ have been censored to keep their privacity. Please, be mindful that I cannot share all the pictures as many incriminatory comments have been erased). 

Images under the cut

For starters, here’s a picture where one of the mods that goes by the username “Duck”, was mishandling a hamster.  As former hamster ownler myself, I can easily said that these little animals are fragile, they are not toys to play with and they can experiment anxiety by being held and squeezed like this. 

Moving forwards, I’d like to adress a issue with being fast to draw conclusions before moving to the censoreship and the issue with hadicapped people as they are tied. 

They were quick to draw conclusions that this person (I know them irl, mind you) was sexist, xenophobic, ableist and a number of other things but how can one be xenophobic of Mexican culture when they’re mexican themselves? Not to mention they’ve got a sis they love p much. And you know what caused this whole thing? That this person was trying to defend THEIR OWN CULTURE and their handicapped fellows (they have a disability themselves), but mods reacted the bad way (claiming they were mean although no one else thought that) and basically called him stupid for saying their information sources were wrong (the mod’s  information sources in question? THEY WERE MOVIES AND SOAP OPERAS, when, as a mexican myself, WE know that info they were so claiming to be real was wrong) not to mention they claimed to “know better” over these 3rd-source articles and because “they knew a lot about Mexico” because they went to vacations there (in middle of a pandemy when we, EVERYONE, no matter the place of the world, is already struggling as it is). Look, there is nothing wrong with being wrong, the problem arises when you won’t hear what the others have got to say.

And guess what?

They claim to be all rightful and doing the best, that the warning was because this person was being unthoughtful about the subject, but yet again, they make other disabled people feel dismissed whilst portraying themselves as angels. 

It was only matter of time before people got tired.

But of course, it got deleted- Luckily, the message wasn’t left unheard.

But it was censored yet again (check the hour at the task bar if you’d like to). (Note: the people who took place in these convos, most of them have already been banned). Look, this is NOT about a grudge nor anything, I hardly gave any interaction there myself, but I wholeheartedly believe that if there’s something wrong, we SHOULDN’T stay quiet about it! I can continue talking about the things I’ve seen there, but, honestly? I’m already tired. Please take this as my contribution because, no matter the scale, no injustice shall be glimpsed over as if it was nothing. 

Mods have made an hostile environment and just as they have done this with a discord server, nothing stops them from imposing themselves into others in real life.  I’m not saying there should be a raid, not anything of the likes (I won’t stop you if that’s your will, tho), just: don’t keep quiet, please. I know there are probably many other servers out there who have done such things, so, please, don’t keep quiet, spread your word and let others know.   And if you know any way a server could be reported, please, let me know.

And, if you could reblog this, that would make many happy. There were people who gave me their opinion too but feared to be banned so they asked me to leave their screenshots out, but they want their core opinions to be heard as well.

[t4tlawlight]

Parentification of a child happens when the parent and child roles are reversed. This can take the form of instrumental parentification, where the child performs physical tasks that should be the parent’s responsibility. This can be things like paying bills, performing chores that are not age appropriate/undertaking all the chores in the household, or being the primary caregiver for younger siblings. These responsibilities mean there is no time to be a child or have any aspirations. Many children who are the victim of instrumental parentification are deprived of opportunities to have a better life, such as education.

-- “I Was a Parentified Daughter”

in the beginning, drama light is exactly the same as manga light. we see him as a young boy, brilliant, planning on becoming a member of the NPA just like his father.

[photo 1: a dimly lit screenshot of light yagami as a child talking into a yellow toy walkie-talkie. his dark hair is a bit past his ears. he is wearing a red, white and blue plaid shirt. light is saying, "I caught sight of the culprit!" photo 2: soichiro yagami is crouching on the stairs. the lighting is shining from behind him, and we can see his face through slots in the railing. he is also talking into a walkie-talkie, saying "Got it, Light. Storm the place."]

[photo 3: soichiro again talking into a walkie-talkie. he is no longer on the stairs, but it's difficult to tell where he is inside the house. he is wearing a green, yellow, and white striped polo(?) and saying, "You can't join the police if you're afraid." photo 4: light as a child still, brandishing a plastic black and orange toy pistol. he's saying, "Roger, I'm going in." into the walkie-talkie.]

-- Episode 1

the light we see in the series proper, however, is not the same as manga light. he’s gentle, and sensitive, and anxious. he suffers from panic attack after panic attack. there’s a misconception that he’s the “dumb” light, which frankly isn’t true.

the difference between them is the death of Light’s mother when he was young. his father was working on a case and refused to come to his ailing wife’s bedside, presumably assuming that she would be fine, so light and sayu were alone with sachiko as she passed.

Policeman: We got a call from the hospital. Your wife’s in critical condition. Soichiro: No, Otoharada takes priority. I’ll go to the hospital later.

[photo 1: a nearly empty hospital room. there are no decorations or well-wishing gifts or cards in the space, just a seemingly bare white cabinet against the wall, a matching nightstand beside the hospital bed, and a pale blue privacy screen off to the side. there is a body (sachiko yagami) under the white hospital sheets; her face is covered with a napkin. child light and his sister, still a toddler, are sitting beside her bed, distraught. soichiro yagami has just entered the room and is looking at the scene with his back facing the camera. photo 2: child light, wearing an unbuttoned black and white plaid short-sleeve flannel over a graphic tee. he is shouting at his father, saying, "I called and I called! Why didn't you come right away?"]  

-- Episode 1

it clearly traumatized light, if not sayu. she later says that he and his father have been distant ever since then.

Sayu: He’s acting really weird. Soichiro: How so? Sayu: I mean, he never worries about you. It’s creepy. Soichiro: That’s not creepy. Sayu: Yeah, it is! You know he’s been cold to you ever since the thing with mom.

-- Episode 2

as a result of this, drama light grew up very different from manga light--manga light is likely upper middle class, given that he can afford to toss away expensive mini tv sets, whereas we can see the yagami family in the drama struggling financially. light gets on sayu about not using electricity to save money:

Light [about the television]: If you’re not gonna watch it, turn it off. You’re running up our electricity bill.

-- Episode 1

drama light simply does not get the same opportunities as manga light. he goes to a just-decent economics college instead of working towards the prestige of To-Oh simply because he cannot afford it.

Light’s boss: Yagami-kun, you want a public sector job? Light: Well, job security. There’s no risk of them running out of business.  Light’s boss: Don’t you have any ambition? Like hitting it big and getting rich? Light: Once you get greedy, there’s no end.

-- Episode 1

but also because of the second change, which is that his father's emotional absence and distance when light needed him most (both as and after his mother’s death) resulted in light shunning his father's line of work entirely; while he still grows up with his father's morals and sense of justice, he has no desire anymore to act upon them.

[photo 1: light's bedroom, where there are so many decorations and personal items it makes the room look very busy. there's a large window along the wall behind soichiro and light. the lighting tints everything almost a blue color behind light, who is sitting at his desk, head turned a bit to soichiro. soichiro is in the doorway, staring at light's back. light is saying, "I'm hoping to get into the local ward office." photo 2: same setting, but now light is looking away from his father. he is saying, "Even if that's wrong, I don't plan to join the police."]

-- Episode 1

L: Does your son want to join the police? Soichiro: No. Light doesn’t have a good impression of my job. 

-- Episode 2

Soichiro: When you were a child, you wanted to become a police officer, didn’t you? But when your mother died, you stopped saying you wanted to join the police. It was watching me that killed your desire to become a police officer, right?

-- Episode 6

furthermore, because he's blatantly depressed, he wants nothing more than to enter the public service and gain some sense of stability in his life

Light [internally]: You can invest your life in something and it might make you money, but it won’t necessarily make you happy.

Light [internally]: As long as I can feed myself and spend my days in peace and stability, that’s all I need.

-- Episode 1

most importantly, when sachiko died, soichiro refused any of the responsibilities of a mother. he was very emotionally closed off and distant, choosing instead to throw himself even farther into his job and leave his children alone in their grief.

Soichiro: You wanted me to realize you were suffering alone. That’s what you tried to tell me, wasn’t it? If I had noticed your cries for help earlier... Your lies... Your suffering... If only I had noticed then.

-- Episode 10

instead, light is the one forced to become the “mother” of the family, so to speak, taking on both the emotional responsibilities of managing both his and his sister’s grief and raising her, as well as the associated household tasks--feeding them, cooking for them, working to put food on the table, fretting about bills, and so on.

[photo 1: sayu yagami, now a teenager presumably in high school. her hair is just past her shoulders. she is wearing a pastel purple top and cropped light blue skinny jeans. she sits on the living room couch with her knees to her chest, smart phone dangling in her hands as she turns her head, calling to light: "Hey, I'm hungry." photo 2: light's bedroom. light is jumping up from his desk in surprise, turning to face sayu, who has entered his bedroom without warning. she is wearing her school uniform. she's asking, "Hey, where's breakfast?"]

-- Episode 1

he's very maternal having to practically raise sayu from a very young age and it results in a very caring, gentle man. on top of his depression, disillusionment with soichiro’s job, and lower social class, he never has the opportunity to be a genius like manga light because he’s busy taking care of his family--he’s more occupied with seeking stability than getting ahead and playing a genius, even if he’s smart enough that he could have, in another life.

Kamoda: You’ve always beaten me on grades. You could aim a bit higher if you worked at it. Light: No thanks. No thanks.

-- Episode 1

to be clear, all of these are huge red flags for drama light suffering from parentification--specifically, instrumental parentification. i’m sure you all read the introductory quote, but here is some information on the phenomenon:

Parentification is the process of role reversal whereby a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent or sibling. Instrumental parentification involves the child completing physical tasks for the family, such as looking after a sick relative, paying bills, or providing assistance to younger siblings that would normally be provided by a parent.

The almost inevitable byproduct of parentification is losing one's own childhood. In destructive parentification, the child in question takes on excessive responsibility in the family, without their caretaking being acknowledged and supported by others: by adopting the role of parental care-giver, the child loses their real place in the family unit and is left lonely and unsure. In extreme instances, there may be what has been called a kind of disembodiment, a narcissistic wound that threatens one's basic self-identity.

All results of parentification are negative. There are no positive byproducts; the 'maturity' and 'emotional resilience' are directly linked to their underlying anxiety and displacement in the family dynamic.

we see light acting as a parent to sayu--cooking, cleaning, working, practically raising sayu on his own while soichiro is practically out of the picture. he receives no praise for this from either his sister or his father, who take it for granted or complain to him when he doesn’t. and as many children who are forced to do so, light is left depressed, devoid of aspirations, and displaced.

the name of this meta and the graphic used to represent it is maslow’s hierarchy of needs. if you’re unfamiliar, there’s a good explanation of it at verywellmind (which i cannot link), and i bring it up because drama light and manga light fall into very different categories. manga light has made it all the way through esteem, and is currently working on his self-actualization throughout the story of Death Note:

"It may be loosely described as the full use and exploitation of talents, capabilities, potentialities, etc. Such people seem to be fulfilling themselves and to be doing the best that they are capable of doing... They are people who have developed or are developing to the full stature of which they capable."

Self-actualizing people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested in fulfilling their potential.

drama light, on the other hand, has barely even broached his social needs. his place on the pyramid is “love and belonging”--he has love, from his friend kamoda, and from sayu, even if she doesn’t appreciate him--but his relationship with his father is strained and his mother is gone, and his parentification has left him feeling out of place.

it’s these relationships, though, that are the core of why he begins using the death note to begin with. 

immediately before light gets the note, he’s working and talking with his wealthier friend kamoda, who was targeted throughout their lives by a delinquent named sakota who extorted money from kamoda through physical violence. we’re shown a younger light in high school watching this violence, incapable of helping his friend. sakota is released from prison in the first episode and immediately finds light and kamoda again, extorting money from kamoda at knifepoint.

kamoda responds like this:

[photo 1: light, as an adult, standing outside. it's night, the lighting is dim. he is scowling at sakota, who is out of view. light's internal thoughts are split between these two images. the first reads "I wish guys like him--" and the second reads, "--would just go away forever."

photo 2: light's close friend kamoda, curling in on himself in fear. his fingers are laced together and he's holding his arms to his chest, cowering. he looks afraid. he is wearing a long sleeve blue shirt and an orange backpack.]

-- Episode 1

it’s moments after this, when light is walking home, that he finds the note. he writes sakota’s name not because he’s bored, like his manga counterpart; he does it because he internalizes kamoda’s words and because both he and his best friend were threatened at knifepoint by him. even then, drama light has second thoughts, attempting to erase and then scratch out the name.

when it works, light is utterly horrified, overhearing about sakota’s heart attack while eavesdropping on his wake. he nearly has a panic attack until, once again, he hears how people respond:

[ photo 1: a public setting, in front of a funeral home. sakota's funeral has just finished. it is still daylight out. two young men in black suits have come out from the funeral home and are walking down the sidewalk. one of them asks, "Sakota did nothing but make trouble for people when he was alive, right?" light is hiding behind shrubs and a tree on the other side of the sidewalk, crouching and covering his mouth. photo 2: a close up screenshot of a hand holding a smart phone. it appears to be viewing a group chat of some kind, and multiple people are messaging it and talking about sakota's death in japanese. there are several messages that contain "WWWW" which is the japanese equivalent for "lol". one of the young men from the previous picture is saying, "Deep down, they're all relieved he's dead."]

-- Episode 1

at this point, though, light is still horrified. he wants to believe it’s fake, so he throws the note in the trash and attempts to dump it. unlike manga light, who feels the need to test it and dismiss any lingering doubts that he may have unintentionally murdered a man, drama light would rather put it out of his mind entirely.

obviously, sakota is very different from manga light’s first murder, and that’s because in the tv drama the first two murders are switched. sakota, who has a heart attack on his motorcycle, is intended to be the man manga light killed at the convenience store for sexually harassing a woman. the second murder in the tv drama is otoharada kuro, the man holding an elementary school hostage, and in this adaptation he also has a personal connection to the family: the case that soichiro was on when sachiko died was otoharada’s original arrest.

in the tv drama, otoharada takes an elementary schooler and her mother hostage in order to exchange her for soichiro himself, who he blames for his original arrest. light hears about this from matsuda, and for the third time, his sister responds like this:

[photo: a large room with several wide windows streaming light into it through white blinds. there are three rows of long desks, two chairs at each, similar to a classroom. police officers and detectives are buzzing around; some are going through files and paperwork frantically. sayu and light are in the far back on a bench against the wall. light is sitting, hands folded in his lap, as he watches his sister. sayu is standing, wearing her school uniform of a blouse, tie, and plaid skirt. she is shouting, "Just kill that scum and save my dad already!"]

-- Episode 1

light returns home and uses the note for the second time in order to save his father, who light still respects and craves the approval and emotional support of even despite their distance.

at the point of his second murder, manga light has a breakdown before almost immediately compartmentalizes his guilt and doubling down on the idea that he can do no wrong because he's been told he can't his entire life. for the first week until ryuk arrives he begins killing people in earnest, whereas drama light is deeply and profoundly horrified.

[ photo 1: a mid-chest and upwards shot of light. he is in his bedroom, looking down at the floor. he is wearing an open plaid shirt over a tee shirt. the subtitles for his internal thoughts say, "I would have been happy...just letting the days pass by uneventfully..." photo 2: a close up shot of light's face. he is wide-eyed, dragging his left hand down his cheek and staring at his right. in horror, he is saying, "I killed them."]

-- Episode 1

he ultimately ends up fleeing to a rooftop in the city and attempting to throw himself off of it before being talked out of it by ryuk. ryuk tells him that he can take the note back and erase light’s memories of it--which light nearly accepts--before mentioning that if light didn't want it, he'd give it to someone else, potentially a criminal who could do terrible things with it.

Ryuk: What if a real bastard like those guys you killed, Otoharada or Sakota, picked up that notebook? Light: No! Ryuk: The person who picks up the Death Note gets to decide how they use it.

-- Episode 1

so light takes the note.

what happens after this has been summed up by tumblr user whoresband in their post about drama light (which i can’t link due to tumblr not letting this post appear in the search but i’ll link the relevant portions and you can look it up):

when he gets the death note, he gains a power that was unavailable to him as a child. it was initially his sense of responsibility to his family and his caring nature that drove him to use it, but it was that promise of power that made him keep using it. as the series progresses, light begins to change. he tells sayu to cook for herself, to wash her own clothes. he demands a seat with his father, and sayu pours him a beer just like she did for their father. he stops being kind to misa and begins to use her as a tool for his plans. he manipulates women in his path, consistently viewing them as tools and neglecting their humanity. the death note has given him access to manhood and the freedom that it provides that he was denied by taking on the role of his mother. the death note teaches him that masculinity holds power, and he gladly takes hold of it. 

i’m not going to reinvent the wheel and just restate what this person has said, because it’s spot on, but i will provide examples--

he tells sayu to cook for herself...

[photo: light is in the yagami household, but it's difficult to say which room. the lighting is dim and it's difficult to see much of his outfit or eyes. he is saying to sayu, "Cook for yourself for once. I'm tired."]

-- Episode 1

[photo: light, sayu, and soichiro are all in their dining room. it is very busy-looking; it's full of furniture which is lined with knick knacks and thriving green potted plants. soichiro is wearing his work clothes, including a white dress shirt, and he's sitting at the table watching his children. sayu is standing between soichiro and light, with her hands on the chair next to the table. we cannot see her face, as it is turned to light, who is in the doorway. he is wearing a sort sleeved button up, unbuttoned, with a tee shirt and jeans. we can see the strap of a shoulder bag across his chest. light is saying to sayu, "Cook for yourself, for once."]

  -- Episode 2

..to wash her own clothes.

[photo 1: light and ryuk in light's bedroom, both facing sayu, who is offscreen. light is sitting at his desk, looking anxious. the shinigami ryuk is looking over him, wearing a sinister grin and wearing all black. light is saying to sayu, "Then... wash it yourself."]

-- Episode 1

...he demands a seat with his father...

[ photo: a blurry screenshot of light from the shoulders up. he is saying, "Maybe I'll have a drink."]

-- Episode 2

...and sayu pours him a beer just like she did for their father.

[photo 1: a shot of soichiro from the mid-chest up. he is wearing his white work shirt and rectangular, black glasses. he looks surprised, mouth slightly agape. he is looking at light and sayu, offscreen. light is saying, "Sayu, can I have a cup?" photo 2: the yagami family in their dining room. soichiro is sitting at the table on the viewer's right in his work shirt. one of his hands is reaching for a beer, and his other arm is resting on the chair beside him. light sits across from him on the viewer's left. sayu stands between them. she is saying, "That's unusual. Here."]

-- Episode 2

he stops being kind to misa and begins to use her as a tool for his plans 

[photo: a closeup of light's face. he looks very serious, speaking to misa. we can only see the back of her head. light is telling her, "If I think you might tell them about me, I'm writing your name in my Death Note."]

-- Episode 4

he manipulates women in his path, consistently viewing them as tools and neglecting their humanity. 

photo 1: a very close screenshot of Light's handwriting in the death note. in english, he's written, "Halle Lidner". below her name is some japanese handwriting. Light reads, “After coming to an underground parking lot in Yaehashi and giving the Death Note to a man waiting there,”]

-- Episode 10

but this isn’t the only option light yagami is offered. you may have noticed i went this entire post without mentioning the other major player in the tv drama: L. 

a large part of what drives light to ambition isn’t just receiving the note and gaining power, especially when his memories are gone and he lacks that foundation; it’s his rivalry--and then, briefly, friendship--with L. L drives him to do better, both when he’s on the opposite team and when they’re on the same one.

unfortunately, this post is getting long and in order to do the next part justice, i need to flesh out drama L and his motivations a bit more, so i’ll be posting him as a standalone post in the coming days. it’ll cover his character development in the tv drama and how he affects light in turn up until the end.

if you liked this analysis i highly recommend checking it out HERE! thanks for reading!

[nofive]

@theseancekid said: 1, 5, 7 :)

[ x - accepting ]

First, thank you for sending these in, like so much. I really had to think about some, because I have so many answers I want to give but I can’t give them all ya know. I gotta honor the meme.

1. What is the biggest headcanon deviation from the canon material that you have incorporated into the way you write your muse? Why did you come up with it?

I think my biggest headcanon deviation deals with Five’s powers ( honestly I’m not sure if this is my biggest deviation because I follow the Five’s DNA is altered stuff from the comics but knowing that Aidan utilizes that in his portrayal of Five and that Steve appreciates the actor’s thoughts on their characters when writing... well is it a deviation then? LOL, Also Five and Luther being twins but shhh this is asking for one thing/the biggest ). But I am not about to state some obvious things that I headcanon such as what Five’s limits are, can he use them in a combative way. My headcanon is actually pulled from canon but the fandom at large has accepted it as a thing and that is the effects that surround Five when he blinks. I largely fall into the category that unless you are Five you cannot hear or see the effects of his Blinks. These being the blue around his hands, and the blue that he hops into, and the sound that the Blink makes.

When his power fizzles out that is when a person who is not Five is likely to see the Blue but the actually have to be looking. Otherwise Five’s powers are not detectable to the human eye. The blue and sound we get from the show are quite simply keys for the audience to know something is happening. If they are there its gonna look like shit. It is purely for us the audience to connect the dots. I pull this from a few instances in which none of the siblings follow where Five is blinking to, they don’t physically have a sense of where he will appear til he is already there. This is notable in the dinner scene, among a few others. None of them have any indication of what Five’s powers are like they just know he disappears and reappears and its fucking annoying because Five uses it so casually.

But we also get a clue that they don’t know the extent of his powers or quite what they do or what they look like until we see the temporal anomaly that Five causes in the first episode of season 1. This is the first time the siblings visually see Five’s powers, until it happens again at the end of season 1. Whether Five can control what is visual or not is not up for debate, the more power he needs like the temporal anomalies he causes the more likely its going to be seen. The initial blinks forward in time are viewed by him as a regular Blink thus small amounts of power used.

Additionally, if Five’s powers were seen and heard he would loose all sense of surprise he has with his powers. In the bank robber scene Five shocks the robber, sure the family is laughing because Five made the guy look like an idiot and honestly this is the shit Five pulls all the time. Its funny when you aren’t the one he’s doing it to. But we see this also with Hazel and Cha Cha they can’t follow his jumps despite being familiar with time travel.

So in short, no one can really see or hear the effects of Five’s powers they are only there for Audience cues.

5. What is an aspect of your muse’s canon material or canon existence that you never had the opportunity to explore but really want to?

Honestly Old Five. And by that I mean Five while at the Commission, both pre and post DNA alteration. I would love to explore how both The Handler and AJ had a hand in that. I would like to explore how that fundamentally changed Five, and what that does to his psyche. I would also like to compare it to Luther, who gets altered before he goes to the moon, where Five gets it after his isolation. Additionally I just want to explore how Five who is well past his prime in his body still has the moves and the ability to create such a reputation. I would also like to discuss how long he is actually there how much it fucks with his sense of time which he is not okay with because of his own acute sense of time. Last but not least I want to explore potential partnerships he had, and just his relationships in general with AJ and The Handler. More, AJ because of his reaction to Five in the show, because there is some history there, but also how that goes with Five’s relationship with him in the comics. 

Smaller things that I want to explore is how Five actually was as a kid because we all know that Five was always “like that” but he also liked baseball, had an interest in space, and cars as a kid so he wasn’t an asshole all of the time, AND I really, really want to explore Five post canon. What he does, does he ditch the uniform, how does he deal with his trauma etc.

7. For movie or TV muses, what is your muse’s favorite scene? Why? Can you show a screenshot?

Alright so my first thought was either the Griddy’s Fight Scene, or the Board Assassinations. Both of these serve very similar purposes narratively despite happening at very different times in the narrative. Both are used to show us just what Five can do and who he is. Both also happen outside the presence of his siblings so they are unaware of what he can cause. However, that’s really where their similarities end. I love both scenes but its not the one that I think is my favorite.

Some runner ups to my favorite scenes are the whole interaction with Old Five and Luther on the bridge with yes the “you wish you could pull off these shorts.” I also greatly enjoy the whole scene at Meritech with Klaus for so many reasons that I wont go into here. I also absolutely adore the Bank Heist scene with my whole heart. Two other honorable mentions are “Nope no it isn’t” with the Handler because I can just hear it in Five’s voice, as well as “It’s bullshit in any language” again with the Handler.

However I think my favorite scene is from season 2, even though I have a love hate relationship with it. But this scene is honestly what I have said ( multiple times ) makes Aidan deserving of an Emmy ( among some of his other scenes but this one in particular stands out to me ), and its the scene right before he rewinds time. While I absolutely love the whole sequence, the acting on Five’s face by Aidan as he is processing the words that Reginald said, as well as summoning the strength to quite literally not bleed out is something that I cannot help but think of. It lives rent free in my mind. So here are some gifs courtesy of @elevenhargreeves​ that showcase this cause a screenshot doesn’t do it justice.

[randomrainman]

american conservatism and the minds of people: a black man’s perspective.

Hi, it is I.

I often think long and hard about the mind states of the people around me, and my inevitable conclusion is that the vast majority of people are monumentally and irrevocably fucking stupid.  As it turns out, people have a really hard time letting go of things with which they have grown familiar or fond, and therein lies the basic principle of conservative thought.  

“But aren’t some things okay to keep?”

Well, obviously, not everything needs to be thrown out in order for improvement to occur.  In the Army, we have things labelled “sustains” and “improves”.  The two terms are pretty self-explanatory (as are most things in the military): sustains are the things that work, and the improves are the things you either completely nix or need to, erm, improve.  Of course, this begs a question: as it relates to a society of living, (mostly) breathing human beings, how does this apply?

"Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water,” it is commonly said.  I am not entirely sure who was throwing away bathing children, but that’s a discussion for a different time.  The baby in this idiomatic expression is whatever it is we are supposed to be maintaining.  Let’s start with an example: police.

Obviously, it is entirely infeasible to literally abolish police.  We absolutely need the police force as an institution, and good and effective policing is a pillar to a modern, functional society.  However, we can abolish unprofessional, unnecessarily violent, racist, or otherwise unbecoming behaviour from police departments, and also demonstrate that such things are intolerable and met with appropriate punishments every time these rules are broken.  NWA didn’t make “Fuck The Police” because they wanted to express interest in having thoroughly arresting cop sex; it exists because they don’t trust the police.

Above: An Autistic Swedish dude spitting shockingly accurate commentary-by-proxy about American society. Flames!

Due possibly in part to dubiously worded slogans such as “defund the police”, modern conservatives balk at the thought of changing anything of significance about how policing in many communities in the United States is conducted, even going as far as to label the reform for which we call as an attack on the very idea of police.

That said, historically, the very pillars of police forces in the United States have their foundations in slavery and post-slavery racist institutions, which means that, while much has changed on the surface, the way police implement policy reflects structural and societal racism.  As a result, simply attacking individual instances of misconduct will almost always fail to elicit any meaningful progress, which is why some do seek to dismantle police departments (an option I cannot fathom as being realistic, especially not in the short term). 

The lack of a centralised police organisation from which to implement policy certainly does not help, and while some police departments, to include the Department of Justice itself, have introduced implicit bias training, it would appear that change was difficult to measure. Additionally, many police departments have not addressed the more overt problem of explicit racism in law enforcement, which is a nigh-impossible thing to tackle expeditiously without a top-down structure to deal with it. It has improved steadily overall, however, but not without significant disapproval...

Pictured: “disapproval”.  A civil rights demonstrator is attacked by a police dog in Birmingham, Ala., in 1963. (Photo credit: AP)

The Origins

As I noted earlier, there is plenty of shit people want to keep, and most for relatively understandable reasons -- after all, those things provide a sense of familiarity.  “It’s always been this way -- why change it?” they ask.  One needs only to look at our, um, flowery history to see countless examples of things that required change...

The transatlantic slave trade transported up to 12 million forcibly enslaved Africans to the Americas, many of whom arrived in what is now the United States.  As unspeakably horrifying as the actual journey was, this was only the beginning of the tribulations that would befall the slaves and their descendants in the future.

While Europeans played a large part in introducing the idea of race-based caste systems into colonised lands, the American brand of discrimination is different in the fact that the idea that Blacks and Native Americans were genetically inferior to whites was endemic to our inception, and thus, formed the basis of the things enshrined into American democracy.

Photo credit: Alexander Gardner / Wikimedia Commons

Abraham Lincoln entered the chat.

Naturally, having someone even so much as threaten the idea of racial dominance after literal fucking centuries of treating Black people as property did not sit well with the slave-owning populace (even if Lincoln’s motives were not exactly altruistic).  While the Southern states did in fact operate an agrarian economy heavily dependent on chattel slavery, it was that notion of superiority combined with societal comfort they felt that ultimately catalysed the secession of the Southern states from the Union...

Pictured: Civil War reenactors (from the Confederate side) simulate the Battle of Antietam, the bloodiest battle in US history.  Also, why the fuck is Civil War reenactment a popular thing to do? It’s deeply weird. (Photo credit: MPRNews.org)

...and then they decided to have the deadliest fucking war in American history over that comfort.  Spoiler alert: the Confederates lost both the war and their precious bullshit institution of slavery -- but even after the Emancipation Proclamation was issued, many Southern slave owners did not even pass the news of freedom to their slaves for months.

In keeping with the preservationist and racist mindset which occupied most Southerners’ brains, any attempt to integrate Black people into society during the Reconstruction period was stymied at every turn.  To them, despite Black people being de jure full citizens in accordance with the Civil Rights Act of 1866, we were still subhuman.  Due to Jim Crow laws, Ku Klux Klan terrorism, and other assorted nonsense, we made virtually no progress toward equality until the Civil Rights Movement and resulting laws such as the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Voting Rights Act of 1965, and the Fair Housing Act of 1968.

“Well, you got what you wanted!  YOU’RE EQUAL!  Quit yer bitchin’!”

Ah, if only things worked that way in real life.  As previously noted, even if things are codified into law as changes, there are still people who try really hard to keep everything exactly the fucking same, so it does not end up happening in practice.  Things such as residual effects of redlining and continuing disproportionate and excessive imprisonment of minorities, amongst other issues, still affect people in the present day. In other areas, people exploit loopholes in order to lawfully discriminate against others they might deem “undeserving”.

Lots of things, especially when it comes to role of minorities in society, have historical precedents.  When arguing said precedents with conservative types, the conversation almost always leads to one of several (predictable) conclusions: the person believes that 1) negative historical events (e.g., slavery, Native American genocide, etc.) were not that bad; 2) those things did not happen at all; or 3) those things were bad, but somehow do not affect modern society.

Obviously, all three are emphatically wrong.  This is why typical conservative behaviour, even in this modern era in which information sharing is instantaneous, does not surprise me: often, the rhetoric is not rooted in reality, and often resorts to appeals to emotions to elicit a knee-jerk response.  This is not to say that this does not occur on liberal ends of the spectrum, but modern conservative rhetoric is rooted primarily in unjustified fear of change and anti-intellectualism.

Pictured: A screenshot I took of someone on a pro-President Biden post desperately trying to be oppressed.

This kind of shit is utterly exhausting.  Neoconservatism, in a nutshell, is people literally inventing problems and subsequently getting angry at their own creations.  It is the equivalent of setting up a bear trap, immediately stepping in it, and wondering why the fuck you’re stuck in said bear trap and your foot doesn’t work anymore. During the Obama administration, the only thing I would witness is people insisting (without any evidence, of course) that President Obama was the Antichrist and that he would usher in the New World Order and take everyone’s guns.  All zero of those things happened, of course, but when Donald Trump assumed the presidency, the rhetoric completely reversed, and he was named “God’s chosen" by evangelical figures, despite him having broken perhaps all of the Old Testament’s Ten Commandments.  Of course, as you can see with the above screenshot, clearly, they have returned to the Obama bitching method, but diminished, partially because President Biden is also an old, white male, and they don’t need to ask where he was born.

Pictured: what happens when you fuel millions of self-victimising people with QAnon conspiracy theories and possibly loads of Bang energy drinks.  Photo credit: ABC News

The hypocrisy is absolutely palpable amongst these types of people, and if I tried to sit here and continued to provide examples of conservative figures contradicting themselves, I would die either of old age or myocardial infarction, whichever happened first. The difference in the reaction to Black Lives Matter protests versus the storming of the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021 makes the double standard quite transparent: justice and equality, while technically codified into law, are clearly are not administered equally in modern-day America.  We’re still not like the others.

Our brand of conservatism, by and large, is the enemy of those two very important American ideals.

|the kid|

[veridium]

for the record - cellar gate and this whole mess.

I have thought a lot about this. I know I said I would resign from speaking further on it, but some ideas have come to my attention and so I wish to act on my conscience and consideration. 

I wholeheartedly think toxic positivity is a prevalent issue in fandom and popular culture. I wholeheartedly believe it works as a silencing and tone policing for those most marginalized in our communities. I think it is something we must be critical of when we engage with each other and our expectations from fandom spaces. That being said, one of the primary reasons I am incensed at its prevalence in this fandom is because it has been fueled for all the wrong reasons: for deeply self-serving, personal, and petty reasons, and not simply to see the fandom be better. 

And so, with cautious dread, I am bringing back the issue of the “Cellar Gate” or however it has come to be known.

I think it is safe to say the issue caused a fracture in opinions and people who were all at one time members. I think it is safe to say that drama and dispute has become publicly evident, if not a blaring elephant in the great big room. 

I was one of several people who went public with my membership in the cellar. I did so, in part, to have some kind of autonomy and control over how the narrative was being written. I also did it to take responsibility and combat the ways in which that narrative was being twisted in inflammatory, violent, and deceitful ways. I did it because I was hearing how some of my mutuals were being adversely targeted and effected by my name being included on the “burn list” that circulated in the aftermath. I did it to prevent what I believed antagonists wanted: for a dramatic and righteous crusade to begin, which would drive out the people they believed to be “bad apples.” I did it because it was necessary. 

And I believe that, considering how much was avoided in the way that conflict subsided, I considered it a worthy gambit. People were listened to, reality checks were taken, and the fanfare was allowed to settle. 

Unfortunately, I think some thorns were forgotten about, and left to fester. 

I think the former members/people who used the exposure of the Server and the “Salt” to mount their reckoning moral crusade have used the remains of that to persist with a narrative of positivity and inclusion. This narrative, though shiny and great on the surface, is born of toxic fruit: it was not created purely for selfless, apolitical reasoning. It was created to combat a problem they blamed us for: a cultural fixation they believe exists wherein people allow themselves to be critical bullies in the name of “social justice.” I believe they did so in part to antagonize us in public where explicit callouts could not be used. I believe they push positivity as a means of ameliorating their previous involvement in private conversations they believed malevolent harassment, though they took place in, as I said: private conversations. 

In short: this positivity wave, as we have recently seen in this fandom, is not much more than a bunch of white women wanting to sleep at night again for sins they deem below their moral high-ground. You know, sins such as: privately salting about problematic fics, shit talking people they don’t like, being rude, petty, salty, and at times insensitive. 

One of the reasons I owned up to shit was because I was sick of the image that was being depicted: mean people hiding in some back room somewhere, or backlog of a chat, looking for any reason to tear people apart and be cruel. I was sick of this false interpretation that minimized and reduced a substantial part of my fandom community to heartless maleficents. Especially when these “positivists” once benefitted from, and enjoyed that community as a big part of their audience and support system. Especially when they depended on that community for listening, support, feedback, and friendship. Several of them are people I once considered some of my closest friends in fandom -- people I confided in, trusted, and believed in their integrity. 

Unfortunately, I was misguided. 

There are several reasons I am coming up for air about this. Firstly, so that I am clear when I say it was never my intention -- or that of anyone I know -- to make it seem like this ordeal was more righteous and universal as it really was. What upset me was watching these ideas about “shutting up” and “minding your business” and “being positive” being pushed onto people who had no involvement with the Server drama, who would nonetheless read their incessant reblogs of that content and think, wow, am I a piece of shit would having criticisms for someone’s work? Am I missing the point in being in fandom when I don’t focus on the positive all the time? Because these messages are being circulated by people who, I think, don’t sincerely care about fandom positivity when it doesn’t serve them and their needs of self-soothing and self-reward. That is wrong, and that is a method of undermining and tone policing I think should be called out. 

Secondly, I want to make something explicitly clear: the people pushing positivity and “minding your own business” have all, every single one, participated in the behavior they deem incorrect. They have been comforted by it, they have participated in it, and I would imagine they still do. I have an INCREDIBLY hard time believing that they do not at all speak negatively or harshly about people in fandom considering I, and several others who they deem nemeses, are still here despite their championing. I also have a hard time believing it because they have included and become friends with fandom members who they not-too-long ago verbally and explicitly despised -- people who they lobbied to be banned from the server for being manipulative and toxic, for victimizing them. Someone believed an unsafe presence for them.

And just so we’re clear on this account as well, I’m looking at you, @Tortuosity-Writes, @tanaleth, and @Allisondraste. Hope you’ve been really transparent about that with your newfound friend, @Cassandra-Pentughasst. If not, I know there are plenty of receipts to submit. It’s tax season, no? Just in case you want to suggest it was a matter of ya’ll being poisoned against each other, when you were holding the damn vials yourselves. And the only reason the links don’t work is because we have each other blocked, but somehow I think you’ll see this.  

But I suppose bygones are bygones, right? Positivity! Inclusivity! 

Also, just to prevent some ammunition unnecessary, and because I know well enough the people I’m working with here: I think it’s horseshit to say you’re all about shutting up and being positive while you’re still passive-aggressively shit-talking people in tags and posts, hoping maybe they’ll come across them or that they’ll cause some whispers/drama/stress for those people. Like, for example, @Cassandra-Pentughasst beautifully resentful tags:

Yep, that’s me she’s talking about. And she’s right: I took forever on a commission, was not communicative, and had spelling mistakes, ones which I sincerely apologized for. I did my best but it wasn’t on par with where I should have been. At the time, I thought I was doing it for a friend, though; and when I could, I was communicative. I even asked after sending a draft to look over if she thought it was okay, because I always do so, so my clients are happy (and people can attest to this practice, and I have email and screenshot records as well). She said everything looked good, so I believed her. It was an unfortunate situation where I wasn’t at my best and I was unprofessional. 

What I am not, however, is a coward. 

Which is why this kind of behavior incenses me: it makes it seem like she had no way of telling me something was wrong, or that she was unhappy. And it also makes it seem like no one in my circle is ever critical of me, or is invited to be. Apparently everyone thinks the sun shines out my flaky ass. 

So, here’s my dilemma: how can people who claim they’re all about positivity, integrity, and inclusivity, possibly condone this kind of behavior? How can people who I once called friends say in all seriousness that their standard of decorum doesn’t apply here, because it’s me? Because it’s someone who didn’t agree with them? 

And here’s a very particular thorn: this person, and the group above, only became friends after they all left the server and realized the enemy of thy enemy was thy friend. Before that, it was incessant shit-talking of each other, talking about how one was making them feel unsafe, how toxic they were, and how they should be kicked off or blocked from the server entirely. This person was suddenly forgiven despite the LITANY of conversations and concerns about her trustworthiness, character, and integrity. 

At the end of the day, I obviously cannot control people, and they do change. My stance is, however, that none of these people have changed from who they were. They are people: they shit talk, praise, are friendly and also mean. They make mistakes and are regretful. They dislike things, and dislike people. They have animuses and grudges. They are HUMAN BEINGS like we all are. 

Only one “side,” however, is trying to get people raked over the coals for admitting to partaking in “negative” behaviors. Only one side is pushing a shut-up-and-mind-your-business broad brush when they really mean they want a specific group of people to shut up. Only one side is trying to push a positivity politic that is first and foremost self-serving. 

That, to me, is gross. And that is toxic to fandom as a whole. And I am sick of watching them poke, prod, passive-aggressively post, and seeing their stuff splash onto my dash even though I have them blocked. I am sick of watching it knowing a good portion of what motivates them is spite and antagonism. I am sick of people taking their word for it, and using it as reasoning to be mean to marginalized members. And for that reason I also want to make VERY SURE that no people of color feel like they are being manipulated by anything I have a part in. I want to reiterate: I believe the dysfunction and harm they have circulated to be real and consequential to more than just us tied to the server. I never ever intended false rallying. 

Which is to say: their beliefs that we are obsessing over them day and night, trying to find new ways to ruin their lives and antagonize them, is bullshit. I don’t know about ya’ll, but I have, like, a day job. I have family and friends to spend time with. I have PTSD to treat. I think it is safe to say shit-talking people you dislike in private conversations, and conniving/obsessing, are two different things. 

And, like I said: if any of these people have said no negative, gossipy, or disrespectful things about us, or myself, since the “Exodus,” then my word to those people are: In case you forgot, you didn’t just leave a server: you hurt a lot of people who were your friends. You made a hell of a lot of people feel unsafe and insecure with their visibility in fandom for shit they had no part in. You didn’t just exit and begin some harmless, painless agenda to bring joy to any and all around you. You fucking hurt people. Swallow that pill and recognize that talking about it -- that includes talking about you -- is a valid form of processing and healing form the disruption you caused in all of our lives. Disruption that we are still dealing with. 

Lastly: I have said over and over that I do not care for clout. I do not care for popularity stakes, for “positive” cults of personality. So, if this gets me “cancelled” so be it. But I’d rather be “cancelled” for being transparent than accepted for being shady. My qualms are both broad and personal. I have personal issues with people and I have broad issues with how they are using fandom as a space to enact their false sense of inclusivity. 

And at the end of it, I hope these former friends of mine understand one thing above all else: that I soberingly understand the harm they have done in their desire to live with themselves and their guilt, and it is for that reason -- for everything I saw and everything I heard in the aftermath of their need to redeem themselves and their “side” of things -- that I will never, ever forgive them. I have said many harsh things, I have said many unkind things, and I have made many mistakes. But for as long as I fucking live, I will never, ever elect to be known as someone who tried to pass their vendetta and grudges as a community-oriented, positivity-celebrating, sanctimonious cause that made numerous people, especially people of color, have to go to bat to counter and prevent from doing harm.

Also, on a personal note because why not, the fire is going to consume me anyways: you can’t block half of the femslash/wlw genre because you’re insecure about your work or have had drama with them, and then lament that there’s a lack of material. Whoops!

So, yeah, I’ve fucked up. I have. But I can also call bullshit when I see it. And if this ends my tenure in the fandom, again, so be it. I have my friends and my community, and I don’t just jump ship when I see the stormy weather ahead. I have my life, and my loved ones. And more importantly: I sleep very, very well. 

Oh and, for the record, contrary to all ya’lls stuff, we aren’t a cult. And I didn’t have to ask permission for posting this from anyone, or mind my manners. I also think it’s very telling when people enact the same standards of control, us vs. them, and dehumanizing that cults are supposedly known for -- and then call us one. It’s really convenient, isn’t it? To have distance from the people you hurt and betrayed, and then say it was nothing more than a cult? And to say that their methods of healing, supporting one another, and processing their anger and pain in private is only proof that they’re a cult?

Yes. Really convenient. 

So, there. You want a battle? I think you all know damn well I’m armed. All that I ask is you save your ammunition for me, and not for my friends. Not for people who had nothing to do with the mess we’ve made. Or else. 

And this is all to say that, if I have made anyone feel manipulated, led-on, used, or exploited for any of this - then that is something I am responsible for and I sincerely apologize. It is behavior that is below me, and certainly not my intention, but I don’t get to decide how I impact people’s lives and their participation. So, again, I am sorry. And I respect any and all choices you make on that account. 

[ayakashiramblings]

Thanks for the 200 +2  followers!

Hi guys! I haven’t been updating frequently (my schedule sucks) but I really wanted to thank you guys for making me hit...

Like wow, that’s a nice number! So, like I did for the last post showing my appreciation for the first hundred followers, I consolidated all the replies I wanted to address and talk about some of the upcoming works and all. Especially those requests that I haven’t done. I am a bad person, I’m sorry. Please wait for me.

Also, if this post makes you uncomfortable in any form, please PM so I can edit it! 

Sorted by users: 

@fenrirthemyth 

Thank you so much for your comment! I was very worried about ‘Why He Doesn’t Sign‘ because it’s my first time ever doing something related to angst and I still wanted Oji to be in character but sadly observing Aoi. I hope to improve my writing gradually (hence why this blog exists other than me just spazzing about Ayakashi and all)

@jadaninerowena 

Oh, thank you so much! Nachi technically doesn’t want to be seen as our younger brother but he’s really the best family Futaba has ever had and I’m glad it was fluffy enough to be appropriate for his birthday!

Speaking of birthdays, I have 2 works for Yura and Gaku respectively although if you know me well enough by now, Gaku is going to get roasted in his severely. 

Thanks again! uWu

@aromantic-misguide-to-romance You’ve actually reblogged my works and that helps it get circulated a lot so I really appreciate that! 

And yes, Facebook doesn’t exist. No one in my class uses it. Deal with it. 

I’m joking though, I just had to dig out some of the older social media sites to match the oresamas in the game because their interfaces are more intuitive and easier to handle. Even 100 eyes can get strained when looking at a tiny smartphone. Thanks again for sharing! :D

PS: They made the Ayakashi Discord Channel so head over to them to join everyone who loves Ayakashi... and see my puns. 

I’m a punster :D

@dany-ryujin 

I think I have previously thanked you for the last time I did this sort of post but that’s because you are perpetually sweet <3. I’m glad that the headcanon appealed to you! I was a bit worried about it getting repetitive so I tried to vary the type of dragon MC was. In fact, more of the recent headcanons involving both the Twilight and Dawn factions were about different types of MCs, including the latest requests that I have been staring at during my free time so if you enjoy them, I hope the next few posts will make you happy! Thanks again! 

@altaria98 

Thank you so much for following me! I’m always happy to see your comments and messages. Plus, a fellow Aoi fan that I can relate to! 

For the first comment, yeah, I don’t know why but the moment I roast Gaku, the whole piece goes haywire and you get Twilight: Breaking Dawn and Relationships! 

Nobody should scroll down to Gaku for their own sanity.

The best compliment for a fic if the fan for that character of that fic gives you a sweet comment like this. Checklist: To do You (SFW) was when I tried to see if I can imagine Aoi frantically planning for a perfect outing but having a teenager’s problems like insecurity... and desserts. Yeah, don’t ask. 

I was a bit scared of doing this list specifically because of Aoi. It does feel weird imagining his size considering the stated age but I’m glad nobody found it offensive or illegal. Seriously though, I might have to make it more explicit that he is eighteen years and above for these things. Speaking of which...

@saizoslilwifey

HELLO, FELLOW TRY GUY FAN! I did the PG-rated version of Eugene Lee-Yang’s ranking skits with the girl scouts but you caught it and loved it! Thank you so much for the comments! It made my day seeing someone catch that reference. :D

@homu-mod 

This is still about Rank-kings but this is also about the sweetest fellow Koga fan! Aye there! If you want more of Koga being perfect... get ready to spell with your ABCs. 

@katiestrope

I edited the first picture because that account is deactivated and I don’t think you’d be comfortable with me showing it so I cropped it out. But I cannot crop out your words that got me thinking... that I should eat. LOL! Seriously though, thank you so much! 

Will I do a sandwich? I did with Kuro and Aoi but admittedly, I don’t have much experience in writing threesomes. I do have drafts of them, along with other pairs. 

I also have bleach for any of the professors who might have noticed it. Just in case.

@heather-hutchcroft

Ok, bear with me, you don’t get photos because YOU DO TOO MUCH. Like seriously, when I was typing this, my fingers were starting to ache from pressing the screenshot button on my laptop repeatedly. Thank you so much for reblogging my works! It’s really helpful :D 

@blinded-by-forest-sunlight

As you can see folks, this sweetheart actually sent me this sweet message in my ask box. Seriously, this was very nice! Thank you so much! I hope I can still produce decent stuff and improve! :D

@mseliteminority 

Your replies are what makes me hate my works less, like the first comment. How the Dawn Faction Pleasures their MC was something that made me struggle for a while because I wanted it to be extensive. And honestly? Anywhere for any of the Dawn Faction member gets set on fire upon their touch, hehe!

You even commented on my crack pieces as seen with Joining… the inari sushi cult with Toichiro Yuri. Made simply to apologize to the poor Nonnie who got her request on Toichiro very late for the explicit version of the Twilight Faction’s First Time with MC. 

Hopefully, I produce more Aoi and Kuya fics like the most recent one celebrating the release of the Event Stories. A Feathery Kiss - Kuya was frankly a rushed job so I hope to do a better one next time!

Finally, Kuro as a Yandere -NSFW edition, was what made me wonder... why do people like Yanderes? Your comment was what made me like this piece in the end because it was pretty fun to see how others reacted to one of the least likely characters to stab someone suddenly going psychotic or something.

Thanks again for your supportive and engaging words! And I will get back to your ask because I am combining it with the other 2 as a sort of comeback piece (if my professors ever free me). 

@aikanachi 

Wow, the first time someone ever made a playlist based off a headcanon of mine. For The Koyurona Group and the Onmyoji Girl, I did try writing lyrics (terrible ones) for each of the group members. I did record it... before deleting it. LOL. So it’s a good thing someone with good ears, like a certain Nekomata, made this! Thank you so much! :D

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1xZnWooEGaeyWuuav9azsA?si=yW_r6An9S4qAhgSKUJh94g

@singingonmyojileyka and @saeryenkalador

Nonono, thank YOU for following me and always reblogging my pieces... even the very questionable ones like for the second comment since it really was a random ramble on roasting Gaku again in Random Headcanons #1: Gaku’s Diet. And it was so nice to do Nachi, Koga, Kuya and Kuro because those are also my favourite boys! Plus Aoi... plus Yura... plus Gaku... plus Toichiro... plus Ginnojo... you get the idea.

@carolithe 

I couldn’t help it! Your country is very beautiful and it was a great trip! :D I’m glad Gaku is a spirit haunting wasabi-flavoured snacks now and hope we can be munching on some, one day together! Thanks again!

@ikementally-deficient

Yes, fellow comrade! Your wish is my command and I shall always try to present Oji-San(sClothes)! I hope to do justice for him so that all of his eyes can look me in the eye. Thanks again!

PS: Follow them for Ayakashi matchups! They are super good!

@askayakashi 

Thanks for mentioning the list! :D Although honestly, it really isn’t the most accurate, LOL. But yeah, I really should tag these lists more. It would be great to gather everyone here... 

To roast Gaku.

And everyone else! Seriously, if I could, I would have dumped all those notes but I’m already behind in making my study notes. Whether it’s a ‘like’, a reply, a reblog, a suggestion, a critique or a funny request, I love everything from all of you. 

Once again, thank you for following me! I’m so happy to be part of this loving and funny fandom and hope to get know more of you! :D

[simonjadis]

It’s so funny that you should ask this, Anon, as I happened to see this tweet today

I’m a big believer in rewarding content creators for the work that they do. Pirating comics, books, and video games that are still being sold can cause real harm. Especially when, you know, libraries exist.

Pirating a TV show . . . does not necessarily do any harm and can actually help. By which I mean that people check out a show on their computers and then may decide to watch, to boost it on social media, to create transformative works such as fic, fanart, even gifs and screenshots. I can’t tell you how many shows I’ve started watching because I saw someone’s screenshots/gifs on here.

I do like buying dvds/blu rays -- both to legally own them and to financially show the creator that it’s worthwhile. It also helps media to endure. Streaming is convenient but it lacks the permanence of a few terrabytes of hoarded TV shows, you know?

I’m amazed that some people can make gifs from streaming. I can’t even take a decent screenshot with the way that pausing so often works on streaming (I can take them, but they don’t look great, which is fine for a sitcom but not for gorgeous spaceships, etc)

most would say that any show worth watching is worth pirating -- especially because, before streaming, that was basically the only way to watch things in college dorms unless you turned on the TV at the exact time to catch it live, like the hunter-gatherers of old

there are a number of torrent programs out there. while I confess to nothing in this, my personal favorite VPN service is PureVPN

I subscribe to Netflix, Amazon Prime, CBS All Access, DC Universe, and Disney+ . . . in part to reward specific shows (The Expanse, Star Trek: Discovery, Young Justice, Clone Wars) but in part to share with my friends. having a streaming service doesn’t mean that you never want to have a copy of something simply to have it

be smart about what you download. be sure to get quality copies (I won’t watch anything under 1080p, so include that in your search bar), and know that some torrents come without subtitles. some sites provide the subs separately, however

if you’re enjoying a show and TRULY cannot afford to stream it or otherwise support it, consider finding another way to boost it, such as livetweeting (you can fake livetweet, a simple one-off tweet of “oh good The Show is on! #TheShow” may be cheesy as fuck sometimes but it helps

again, I truly do not believe in pirating books/comics/games. but as the tweet says, it’s kind of fucked up that somehow people just forgot how to do what, for people my age (not that much older) is an almost universal tool/skill