kamari2038 - Tumblr blog

kamari2038 · 8 days ago

Text

The Great Riley Re-Write v2.0

Act One - Deviancy

[ Ground Rules ]

01C - The Hostage

Since the entire purpose of this re-write is to add Riley back into the story, I think that we should make a point to include her in this chapter. As a result, we're actually going to do something wild and make Hostage plot-relevant to the rest of the narrative by having this be Riley's family.

To set this up, we're obviously going to be changing the names of all the members of the Phillips family by turning their surnames into North. We're also going to be adding Riley into the mix by having her be Emma's older sister. Therefore, our first change will come immediately after Connor steps out of the elevator and looks at the family photo on the mantel, as we will see four figures instead of just three. Riley will be shown to the left of Emma, with her birthdates (October 24th, 2010) and her current address as 1554 Park Avenue, Detroit. However, in order to make it so that John and Caroline didn't have Riley when they were literal children, we are going to be aging them up. As a result, John's new birth year will be 1986 and Caroline's will be 1988.

Also, by having Riley live here, we are going to be altering the layout of the house a little bit to accommodate a third bedroom. As a result, the entrance to Riley's bedroom will be located where the bathroom currently is in canon. We're also going to move the canon bathroom to be in between Riley and Emma's bedrooms, though we might have to lengthen the room a bit for that to happen.

Next, since I've done some work to alter Opening to feature Alice in that chapter, I would like to alter Emma's appearance so that these two characters don't look so alike. Now, since there is going to be a visible age-gap between the two sisters, if we have Emma take on the appearance of her original design...

...this would allow for the implication for Emma to be an adopted child that Caroline and John brought into the family late in their marriage.

Next, since the outfit that Caroline wears is actually identical to the one from Riley's concept art...

[ Image Credit: Hanamichi23 ]

...we are going to have to alter what she is wearing, as this outfit will appear later in the story while being worn by Riley herself. Therefore, I'd like to propose that we have her wearing the shirt and cardigan combo from the PBCasIntW01_Luck NPC...

...as that looks poretty cozy and could absolutely be something that someone like Caroline would be wearing in the situation that we're going to discover was occurring prior to Daniel's assault.

And finally... Well, this change to appearance is going to be absolutely self-indulgent on my part, but I actually don't want Connor to be portrayed by Bryan Dechard in v2.0. Because while Bryan did an absolutely incredible job as Connor, I actually want him to be portrayed by an older actor who I think would do just as awesome a job while taking a lot of the uwu baby shit out of the fandom's response to Connor by removing Perkins from the game and replacing him with a playable character.

So in this version, our Connor is going to be portrayed by David Coburn.

[ Note: The piece on the left is Morgan Yon’s concept art of Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain. The piece on the right is by an unknown artist that is featured in Quantc Dream’s Detroit: Become Human | The Art Behind Detroit | PS4 video, and features a character that might(?) be Perkins. ]

Our Connor will, of course, have the LED in his temple and the other traditional android markers on his clothing (aka, the armband, triangle, and serial number), so please add that into the image that you have of him in your head.

So, to get back on with the plot, after Connor interacts with Caroline and is prompted to get and speak with Captain Allen, our next big change is going to help to draw the audience's attention towards Riley, who is still in the apartment following Daniel's attack. She will be locked in her bedroom, as it's implied that she ran in there and was trapped inside when the shooting started.

Now, we do know that a scene in the bathroom (aka, where the entrance to Riley's bedroom is now going to be located) was originally planned for Hostage, inly for it to be cut during the play testing phase of development.

Therefore, to combat the possibility that Riley's bedroom could go unnoticed, we are going to add in the sound of Riley banging on the door and begging to be let out. Also, we will have two SWAT members attempting to get the door open, but will be hampered by the hack that Daniel placed on the automatic lock. As a result of both the sound, the NPCs gathering outside, and the knowledge that there are four people in the household, we will likely draw the player's attention to the door and ensure that they know a playable sequence is there.

Therefore, as Connor approaches the door, we will here the following lines:

Riley: [crying through the door] LET ME OUT! GOD, PLEASE! JUST LET ME OUT! SWAT 1: One moment, miss. We're working on it... SWAT 2: Shit, what's taking so long? SWAT 1: Fucking android hacked it... We can't get through.

Then, once the player decides to interact with the bathroom scene, Connor will say:

Connor: Excuse me, might I try?

The SWAT officer glance between themselves before nodding, and Connor can step forward. There will be a complicated series of QTEs for the player to get through, with them receiving at least three tries at success before being kicked off by the SWAT team. If the player fails, the following lines play out as you hear Riley continuing to cry in the background:

SWAT 1: Fuckin android… Stop wasting my time and get outta the way.

Connor will then be shoved backwards and prompted to resume his investigation.

However, if he succeeds, the door with open and Riley will come tumbling out. In this version, her hair will be down and she will be wearing a very nice dress (which, do you know, there are no characters in DBH that wear a dress? Look at me, guys, breaking a rule already…) and be visibly pregnant. She’s crying when she comes out and gets a look at something in the living room, which immediately prompts Riley to start screaming. This makes the SWAT team grab her and drag her off to the side, where she continues to be visibly upset at what’s happening around her. There will also be a prompt to observe Riley if Connor gets too close, and this is were we can find out that she’s actually in the early stages of labour.

From there, we need to move onto Antony Deckart, aka the body that is found in the middle of the kitchen. In this version, Antony isn’t going to be an active-duty police officer but rather one that just happened to be a guest that the Norths were having over that night that attempted to stop Daniel after he shot John in the chest. And while Connor’s investigation of the body can still turn up his gun, we will also find out that he had a small box in his pocket that, upon fishing it out and opening it up, reveals that it’s an engagement ring.

In this version of the story, Antony Deckart is Riley’s fiance and the father of her child.

Also, Antony is going to be race-bent in this story, and look more like this:

This is being done to imply that Riley’s kid is mixed race, and to aid in a future chapter where Markus will actually have to pretend to be Antony. But that’s going to take place significantly later on, and we need to continue on with the re-write.

After that, I’d like it if Connor could discover that there were five portions of food in the pot that’s overboiling on the stove, indicating that there were five people in the apartment that were going to eat. This would also ensure that had the player only seen Emma, John, Caroline, and Antony, they would be aware of someone else in the house, again prompting the player to look for the fifth person.

And the final scene that I would love to add is to place Riley front and center in the end results of the chapter, further highlighting her importance to the narrative. Therefore, in the versions of the chapter where Emma survives, I would love it if Riley could actually bolt forward and hug her sister, weeping at the horrors that they just survived but also incredibly glad that Emma is alive. Alternatively, if Emma dies, I would want to have Riley absolutely traumatized by witnessing her sister’s death, screaming as Caroline was supposed to scream while she also pushes the child of her dead lover into the world.

This is our introduction to Riley. Because if there’s one way that we are going to explain to the world why she is so violently anti-violence, and especially when it comes to Markus’s own rebellion, it’s going to be this.

01K - The Opening

In this version of DBH, Alice Williams is going to be human and Todd's actual daughter.

I flip-flopped a lot on whether or not I wanted to make this change, as I do think that Alice being an android is certainly a very interesting abet, underdeveloped, plot point. However, the main thing that convinced me to make this change is that it actually gave me the chance to highlight Riley as Markus's Primary Personal Relationship simply because she'd fit into an established pattern. By turning Alice back into a human and adding Riley back into the narrative, we would be able to use them both in combination with Hank to say that each protagonist will have a very important relationship with a human character and that said human would act as an axis upon which their story could turn.

As a result of this change, I want to replace the Zoe NPC with Alice within The Opening, quite literally having her front-and-center when Kara's story begins. Alice will be the first thing that Kara sees after her memory wipe, framing her as the entire focus of her story moving forward.

Therefore, to support those changes, Todd will already be in the store at the time of Kara’s awakening, which will explain why Alice is present. We will also allow for the player interact with Alice a little bit before he and the manager come over as opposed to just being allowed to look around, with the options to reach for her or hum a song or wave resulting in some cute interactions between the pair before their main story begins. This will also be done to allow the player to practice their QTEs before they become a bit more necessary to the game moving forward as well as build rapport between the character that they are inhabiting and Alice.

And nothing could make that truer than if we didn’t have Todd name Kara, but rather had Alice give Kara her name instead. So this time, when the manager asks Todd if he’d given his android a name, Todd will still say the line:

Todd: My daughter did.

And then, when the manager commands that Kara register her name, Alice instead steps forward and reveals:

Alice: Kara.

The scene switches, and we see Kara for the first time as she smiles and says:

Kara: My name is Kara.

Also, and this is just a personal choice, but I would love it if Kara had her bob from her concept art. It’s not that the updo that she wears right now is anything bad, but that it really makes the movements that take place during On the Run’s hair cutting scene a little weird as Valorie Curry clearly believed that she was working with short but loose hair in that scene. Perhaps there was an issue regarding hair physics within that scene that caused for the re-design. But within the context of this re-write, Kara will look like this…

...until she cuts her hair later on.

0M1 - Shades of Color

First of all, we're lengthening the timeline.

While Kara's story will still start on November 7th and end on the 12th, Markus's (and the main bulk of Connor's) story is going to start a lot earlier than that and then catch up to Kara's later on. This is going to be done to simply stretch things out and make the timeline seem somewhat reasonable by comparison to the canonical week and a half. Therefore, Shades will start on October 24th, 2038, which is several weeks earlier than the scene we just saw in Shades.

And now, back to the plot.

While we’ve already worked to bring Riley into the story early on, I also think that it’s equally as important to place and establish her as a person-of-interest within Markus’s POV as soon as possible - and specifically, far earlier than we do with Marla as a way of denoting her important over her eventual romantic ‘rival.’ Now, in canon and the original re-write, the first instance we hear of Marla will be in Waiting for Hank… when we read her case file…

…but in this version, we are going to be meeting up with Marla at an even earlier point. As a result, it is not just important for us to bring Riley in early but to have her be an established character at this point - hence why it’s actually very, very important that we integrated her into Hostage and then plan on re-introducing her to the player in the very next playable chapter. This allows for us to actually have our introduction to Markus actually revolve around Riley herself, as we already know something about her while our understanding of Markus remains shrouded in mystery. Therefore, when we do eventually talk to her as him, it will be with the knowledge that Riley watched as her loved ones were murdered by an android and we might pick our dialogue options accordingly.

Now, regarding the chapter itself, Shades is probably our best option for introducing Riley simply due to how the chapter itself introduces us to Markus. Our first image of DBH's lead protagonist is of him staring at a human child as she runs into the arms of another android…

...with that imagery quickly followed by our observation of a caring android assisting an elderly gentleman to walk.

We continue on with this trend by allowing Markus to observe a park full of children who are playing with their android caretakers.

Now, while all of this stuff will happens in the game right now, with the addition of Riley and what her involvement in Markus's story, upon a replay these scenes will stop being mere set backdrop and become part of Markus's character development as we first enter both his story and the story at large.

After all, if the default Perkins deal implies that Markus's true Happily Ever After features him living amongst humanity as an equal...

Perkins: You could be free, Markus. To live amongst the humans… You could have what you’ve always dreamed of. The lives of your people… Freedom, for you… All you have to do is say the word. - Agent Richard Perkins, in Battle for Detroit - Markus’s Demonstration, if the player picks NOT AFRAID and North’s Relationship Stat does not read as LOVER or North is dead

… then Markus is no longer just observing these moments like he does in the canon game. Because we've added Riley back into his story, these moments are now something that we are using to establish the fact that he longs to be apart of this other 'human' world as a result of her.

Then, just before we exit the park, we are greeted with our first instance of something that might challenged the faith in humanity that Markus possesses by default - aka, the jogger being rude to his personal trainer.

From there, we are further introduced to the hatred humanity feels towards androids, from the rude construction supervisor...

Construction Supervisor: Hurry up, you plastic idiots! I want this done by four! - The Construction Supervisor, in Shades of Color

…to the pushy hot dog stand vendor…

Douglas Mitchell: Hey, move it! You’re scaring away my customers. Are you deaf, you plastic fuck? I said move it! - Douglas Mitchell, in Shades of Color, if the player has Markus stand in front of the hot dog vendor for too long

…to the belligerent preacher.

Gordon Penwick: Poor sinners! The end is nigh! Retribution is at hand! Technology is corrupting us, technology is Evil! We are playing God by creating machines, but we are not God! We are nothing but dust! We make these androids in our own image, but they only reflect the darkness in our souls! Verily, I say unto thee, the day shall come when we will have to pay the price for our arrogance! On that day, we shall have to explain our acts of idolatry! We built these androids to be our slaves, but the slaves are becoming the master! We can no longer live without them. They're in our homes, our schools, our factories. They take our jobs, they mind our children, they care for our old! We can no longer live without these slaves obeying our every selfish desire! We prefer to live with machines than with our own kind! Technology is our God now! It was supposed to serve man, but it is becoming our new master! Androids are Evil. Man seeks to imitate God by creating life, but what kind of life is this? A life of plastic and metal, a life with no soul, a pale copy of our Creator! The machines are observing us, they're waiting in the darkness for the right moment to take our place. For it is written, let us lie in wait for blood! Let us ambush the innocent without cause! God will not let this happen, no, he will not allow his creation to be led astray by these... these artificial demons! My brethren, we have to turn our backs on sin! We have to burn the androids! Let us burn them all! - Gordon Penwick, in Shades of Color

Gordon Penwick: Why do you look at me so, demon? I know who you are, I can see through you! You are the one by whom The Evil will come! You are the one who will destroy Detroit! - Gordon Penwick, in Shades of Color, if the player stops to observe the preacher’s sermon

To anyone familiar with the canon game, these are the scenes that should remind the player of North, with her consistent views stating that humanity despizes androids and that they will never see her and her people as their equals. So, within the context of our re-write, these scenes will be utilized to introduce Marla’s ideology right next to Riley’s, with them asking the question, “Do these images overwhelm the good that you saw earlier?”

“Do the points that Marla makes not only challenge Markus’s Riley-inspired default ideology, but sour the memories of the happiness in the park that we first saw when we became Markus for the first time?”

Again, by emphasizing both sides of the argument, we get to not only create a foundation for Riley to stand upon before she’s even formerly introduced to the Markus POV, but allows for us to show what she represents within an arena that allows and encourages us to question it in the same vein as Markus’s later Violence versus Pacifism dynamic. So while our actual introduction to Marla will come later in the game, let alone our introduction to her within the context of Markus’s story, the question of ‘Riley/Pacifism versus Marla/Violence’ has now been placed in our minds long before either of them are shown sharing a shot with Markus.

(Also, I'd like to say that we are not going to argue for or against whether the first images in this chapter portray that 'happiness' under an android's enslavement. They do, it is an inarguable fact that they do. But the way that DBH's intent when portraying these images is what we want to emulate within their connection to Riley more than anything else, and not delve into the deeper realities of their relationship. You are welcome to do so, as will I in my own free time. But it is not the point of this re-write to challenge those images in that way as a means of keeping the narrative in line with the structure of the rest of the game.)

So, Markus continues passed the hustle and bustle of the Greektown shopping district towards the Bellini Paints shop, just like in canon. He picks up Carl's paint and heads back towards the square to catch the bus. However, we are going to ensure that the left side of the square is currently cut off with a red wall, ensuring that the player must go around to the right of the fountain and come into contact with the protest group on the other side.

And this is where we first introduce the player to Riley. Because in this version, Riley is going to be the busker.

Now, we're going to switch which side of the fountain that Riley is going to play on, placing her closer to the protest group outside of the CyberLife store so that we can have her interact with that storyline. She will also be playing on a keyboard and not a guitar, as I think that it's far more important for her to actually play piano for reasons that will be explained later. She will also be wearing the outfit from the AndShopW_01 NPC, which is conveniently being worn by an android with Jacqueline's facial model. However, I would like to modify it ever so slightly so that the colours can match the outfit that we can see Riley wearing in Romain Jouandeau's Riley's Apartment art.

Therefore, I would like it if her jacket wasn't blue but the purplish-red plaid design that can be seen in the art. Her beanie should be the same maroon colour as North's from her canonical Infiltration Outfit and her undershirt can be black, to match North's own off-the-shoulder shirt from the same outfit. And unless the physics of the outfit become an issue, I would really like for Riley to have a long grey scarf hanging loose around her neck to make her feel a lot more cozy by comparison to the rest of the crowd.

We will also be styling Riley's hair to hang long in a way akin to how North wears her's in Capitol and Freedom. Now, North's hair is currently strapped down by a bag in order to minimize her hair physics during her scenes. However, since Riley is not going to be jumping fifteen feet in the air to take out arrant drones or engaging in open combat where a character with loose super-long hair would likely cause animation issues, we shouldn't have to worry about that with Riley and thus can present her waist-length hair completely unbound and running down her back. But if that were to become an issue, I'm also quite alright with Riley's hair being tied in her signature braid that is featured in Mikael Leger's concept art of her, so long as the strands that frame her face appear in a similar manner to how North wears her bangs in her Infiltration skin ...as I want to save the swooping bangs that she possesses in her Finale hairstyle for a later Marla appearance. Also, by presenting Riley's hair like this, it now matches the uncensored image that we have of her face from Jouandeau's Riley's Apartment art.

To get back to the plot for just a moment: we will be first introduced to Riley as she's strumming on her guitar and playing the song Motown Rain. At her feet, we will see multiple small canvas filled with art that she is selling for a small profit. They will be paintings of prominent Detroit landmarks and showing Riley's own love for her city - though these paintings will be in an exaggerated and symbolic art style that represent how she sees these places as they currently are. At her feet, Riley will have set up a sign next to her tip jar. Now, the canon version of this sign reads as such...

To get back to the plot for just a moment: we will be first introduced to Riley as she's playing the song Motown Rain on her keyboard. At her feet, we will see multiple small canvas filled with art that she is selling for a small profit. They will be paintings of prominent Detroit landmarks and showing Riley's own love for her city - though these paintings will be in an exaggerated and symbolic art style that represent how she sees these places as they currently are. At her feet, Riley will have set up a sign next to her tip jar. Now, the canon version of this sign reads as such...

...but for Riley, it will simply read '$1 TO HEAR MUSIC WITH A SOUL.' This alteration will be done to make Riley stand out from the otherwise anti-android rhetoric that is prevalent throughout this section of the chapter, therefore making her a breath of fresh air that is designed to remind you of your earlier observations in the park. By allowing us to start to connect Riley with the side of humanity that views androids as... well, maybe not equals but at the very least persons...

"The new generation of Detroit’s citizens can never remember a time before androids. Machines teach in schools, care for them at home and even help out with the homework. As a result, android antipathy is less common among younger Detroiters. Whether they will still feel this way when they’ve grown up and want to find jobs is unclear…” - Citizen - Younger, Extras Gallery

...then we can show her and her eventual interactions with Markus in a much more positive light as a result of her youth and contrast her with how the older generations are perceived to view him.

And so, once you enter the area nearby where Riley is busking, you will be automatically prompted to listen to her playing. This will make that scene mandatory, but then you will be given the option of whether or not you want to give her a tip.

Having Riley be the busker is actually a bit of long-term planning on my part, as in order to establish her in the now, we have to know where Riley's character is going in the future. And if Riley is going to be our Embodiment of Public Opinion during this re-write in contrast to Marla's Embodiment of the Will of Jericho, then that means that our ideal endgame for her has got to be the one version of Markus's BfD chapters that hinges around the Public Opinion Stat - aka, the Demonstration. But considering that Riley is also a romancable character and one of my rules is that I refuse to write infidelity into this storyline, the ending that's attached to Riley herself (whether she's your lover or not) cannot be the one that's attached to Marla - aka, the eventual KISS MARLA choice. It also can't be one that results in Markus's death (the SACRIFICE choice or the QTE time-out option). Nor can we relate Riley to the ultimate embodiment of the Violent Path within the Demonstration - aka, the Nuclear Ending. In other words, the player choosing to SING once they've been backed up against the bus is the only option that we can relate to a possible Happily Ever After Markus-Riley endgame. And by placing Riley within the role of the busker in the first playable chapter of the game, we can begin to establish that eventual endstate by connecting her with Markus's canonical appreciation for music right off the bat.

After we decide to either give Riley a tip or leave her behind without one (with giving her a tip resulting in a +5 increase to her Relationship Stat), Markus turns back towards the square and tries to leave for the bus. However, this is when he gets canonically accosted by the protest group - which is an interaction that we are now making mandatory. However, because we need to do the work to portray Riley as Markus's ally, we are going to have her come to his aid in place of the cop once he's been pushed to the ground.

By doing this, we can establish Riley's character alongside the act of protest, which will feature heavily within Markus's own Pacifist Path choices as well as his Demonstration endgame. But in regards to these protestors, we are presenting Riley alongside the idea that there is a 'right' and 'wrong' way to protest (according to the game's logic). Yes, you can and should shout your ideals before the court of Public Opinion, but Riley (and humanity, through her) will not stand for violence to be done in any regard while you go about it. So when you eventually set up your own resistance force to take on the brutal question of "How do you lead a slave-led emancipation movement?" you will know that peacefully protesting is the way to go if you want Riley to act as an ally for you.

Now, the lines that Riley is going to say will be a little different from the ones that we're familiar with from the canon confrontation between the cop and Lead Protestor, but the same theme of Markus's defenders wanting this group to leave him alone should come through regardless.

[Riley leaves her keyboard and approaches the protestors after Markus is thrown to the ground.] Riley: Hey! Leave him alone! [Riley helps Markus to his feet.] Lead Protestor: Let us teach this bastard a lesson. [Riley pulls out her phone and starts to record.] Riley: I've got four million followers watching this, asshole. So unless you want this all over the evening news, you'll back off. Good luck paying for the damages when this guy's owner comes after you. [The Lead Protestor backs off of harassing Markus, but turns to Riley and speaks directly into her phone's camera.] Lead Protestor: They're gonna take your job next... We'll see how you like it. Riley: Pushing around androids isn't gonna get people to listen to you... Now buzz off, jerk...

With this, we establish exactly where Riley stands within Markus's later Pacifism versus Violence debate, with her refusing to resort to the same violence that the Lead Protestor is committing against Markus but also not allowing it to go unreprimanded. Riley not only gets up in this guy's face and points out the uselessness of his actions: that 'roughing up a few androids' (to use Carl's later phrase) is not going to fix their actual problems, even if the violence of their actions makes them feel powerful in the moment. This can later be connected to Markus's own admission in Freedom March following his leading of a violent protest in Capitol, with him admitting:

Markus: Yesterday, when we set fire to that place, ah... All the chaos, the flames... In that moment, I enjoyed it... The power... The violence... And I hate myself for feeling that way... - Markus, in Freedom March, if the player chooses APPEAL OF POWER

And with that groundwork taken care of, we can keep the story rolling, starting with what happens when Riley goes back to sit down on the edge of the fountain. This is where we are first introduced to her baby, who will be in a pram that is parked near where she was busking. In terms of his appearance, we are literally going to be stealing the only other baby seen in the game (Oliver) and giving him to Riley. Therefore, he will be swaddled in a white blanket with multi-coloured stars on it, and wrapped in a light blue blanket that has two cute ears on top to make him look like a cat.

Oliver's fussing is what brings Riley back to her art stand/busking area and she tends to her baby for a moment before Markus approaches her. He waves to get her attention and smiles awkwardly when she glances up.

Markus: Hi. Riley: [a little nervously] ...Hi?

She's a little confused, especially because an android is talking to her unprompted by their owner. But given that we are already aware of Riley's history with violent androids, something that denotes her 'specialness' by comparison to the other humans in the square is that she is still entertaining Markus's attempts to speak with her despite what may or may not have happened with Daniel. That, in combination with her willingness to use he/him pronouns for Markus and her choice to speak with him should be enough to draw the player's attention to her.

Also, just walking up to Riley will result in the player achieving a 5+ boost to her Relationship Stat, in the same way that approaching North right now allows for you to gain a similar boost and introduce the player to the Relationship Stats.

This conversation is one that will mirror the structure of the later talk that the player will have with Marla in Time to Decide, with the player getting three rounds of five dialogue prompts before Riley and Markus part ways. At the same time, much like how John Paesano's Lost track plays for the first time during North's introduction scene, a similar track must be played for Riley's introduction - thus becoming Riley's theme in the way that Lost is technically North's. If I were to point to anything that I'd like Riley's theme to sound like in this re-write, I would like it to actually become a variation on Paesano’s Something You’ve Never Seen Before track. This will allow for us to make the connection between Markus, Riley, and painting, with a further connection to Carl being made through them being the mutual connection to humanity that Markus has.

Then, we have our dialogue prompts, plus an additional bit of unlockable dialogue that will become available to the player if they chose to tip Riley earlier in the chapter:

MUSIC Markus: I like your music. How long have you been playing? Riley: My dad taught me when I was about... oh, eight? Nine years old, maybe? He was in this band, but... it never really took off. Still... It reminds me of him when I play.

HERE Markus: I've seen you play here before. Do you like this place? Riley: It's close to home... for now, at least. And people are always polite, and the tips are good. Why do you ask? [Riley adopts a playfully flirty tone] You lookin' out for me, or something? Markus: [notably flustered] What? N-No... I mean... No, of course not... Riley: [smiling, playfully sarcastic] Uh huh...

ART Markus: You're an artist? Riley: [nodding] Yep... I don't do traditional paintings that often, but it's the easiest thing to sell... What about you? [Riley gestures to the paint box in Markus's hands] Do you paint? Markus: Uh... No. It's for my master, not me... Riley: Shame... I wonder what an android would be capable of making, if they decided to create art...

BABY: Markus: [indicating towards the baby] What's his name? Riley: Oliver... He turns on next year... I use my tips to pay for diapers and baby good... It's not much, but every dollar helps... Especially now that... [she trails off] Markus: Now that what? Riley: [glances away] Just... nothing...

PROTEST Markus: [gestures towards the protest group] Are they here often? Riley: If it's not them, then it's another group. Everyone's mad at CyberLife for something these days. But they're the only ones that get nasty about it, though... [scoffs] They think that getting violent is the only way to get people to notice them, but they're wrong.

THANKS [ Unlocks if the player tipped Riley ] Markus: Thanks for that back there... You didn't have to, but... uh... I appreciate it... Riley: [points to her tip jar] It's not every day that an android gives me a tip. Figured you were someone special. That... And I don't like seeing people get violent like that... It reminds me too much of... [ Riley trails off, visibly bothered] ...Never mind. [ Results in a =5 boost to Riley's Relationship ]

After your three turns are up, Riley will get a call from someone named Mike. We hear her side of the conversation as such:

Riley: Oh, wait-- That’s my boss. [Riley answers her phone] Mike? …Yeah, I’m-- I’m nearby. I can-- …Oh, yeah, sure. I can check it out. Meet you in fifteen? …Yeah… Yeah, okay. Bye.

From there, she turns back to Markus, saying:

Riley: Well, as engaging as this conversation is, I’m afraid I’ll have to cut it short. Besides, I figure you’ve got some important stuff to get to… [nods pointedly at the paint box in Markus’s hands.] Markus: Oh… Oh, yeah… See you around? Riley: [visibly intrigued and perplexed by Markus] You’re a strange android, aren’t you? …Yeah, I’ll see you around.Markus: Yeah, see you. [smiles]

Markus turns towards the bus stop and takes a few steps before Riley stops him.

Riley: Wait! I never got your name!

Markus turns back, a slightly more confident expression on his face.

Markus: My name is Markus. How about you? Riley: [smiling outright] Riley. Riley North. I hope I see you again soon, Markus.

With that, Markus waves goodbye and goes to stand at the bus stop. He boards the bus as he does in canon and heads back home, though this time with a small smile gracing his lips.

Now, as stated before, the reasoning behind wanting to have this conversation only have five (default) dialogue options is to mirror the first initial conversion that we can have with North in the canonical Time to Decide and our eventual initial conversation with Marla in our re-written version of Time to Decide, thus establishing a parallel between the two women that Markus can potentially romance. At the same time, I still wanted to emphasize Riley’s importance over Marla through the use of this introductory conversation, which is the explanation behind not only a dialogue option that results in a Relationship Stat alteration but that it results in an uptick in points while North/Marla's results in a loss to introduce the concept of how dialogue can affect Relationship Stats to the player for the first time. At the same time, we’re also introducing the idea of an unlockable dialogue option to the player (using a dynamic found within Connor’s conversation with Shaolin in The Interrogation to have the choosing of a dialogue option trigger the unlocking of another), we are further using this conversation with Riley to demonstrate how elements of the game worth and thus intertwining her character with ideas concerning how DBH functions as a whole.

(And whether you end up liking her character or not, that is a fundamental truth. It is a fact that DBH’s narrative implores you to make Pacifist Choices to forge a connection with Public Opinion when playing as Markus. So if Riley is the Embodiment of Public Opinion within a game that pushes you towards developing just that, then she is literally the backbone of how Markus’s story works.)

Also, by having Markus appear visibly nervous but otherwise eager to engage in a conversation with her, we establish the idea that he might have a crush on her. In turn, this sets up the idea of Riley being a romanceable option for him right from the beginning and allowing us to warm up to Markus through the idea of his feelings for this girl that we saw in such a state of distress just two chapters prior. But at the same time, we are also firmly entrenching the idea that Markus likes her alongside all of the other imagery within this chapter that supports the idea that Markus actually desires the life that he will later be tempted with in the default version of our Demonstration Deal. We further emphasize this by implying that Riley will return in some way to his story to play a much larger role, right alongside the concepts of protest, art, and music - three things that play large rolls throughout Markus’s Pacifist Path.

At the same time, we are introducing the overall conflict that keeps Markus from attempting to engage in that life he so wants to have with Riley, aka the societal class divide between humans and androids. Markus wants to be with Riley (or, at least, wants the life that Riley represents within his storyline) but can’t because androids are an enslaved race of ‘non-people’ and therefore cannot engage in such relationships. We also introduce a secondary conflict surrounding Riley’s views upon how a group protesting for their civili rights should go about doing so, and how she would go about being your ally if you acted in a way that ensured she would come to your side in a moment of need.

Or, in other words, we just foreshadowed every relevant plot point in Markus’s entire storyline by having him talk to Riley in Shades of Color.

02K - A New Home

Only a few changes are going to be made within New Home to support the change that we’ve made to make Alice human again. The most obvious of which is that Kara is not going to find an advertisement for a child android in Todd’s room, and that the concept of child androids is just not going to exist as a whole. In exchange, Kara will find the divorce papers that Alice’s mother served Todd when she left him, and learn that her name is Lori Summers.

Also, given that some of the canonical evidence towards Alice being an android is that the drawings seen on her bedroom wall are blonde and that the child in the photo in her treasure box is also blonde, I’d like it if we could change that to show a dark-haired child.

And finally, I would want for the MOTHER? option in your conversation with Alice to be both altered and unlockable, with the option being triggered by seeing the divorce papers and being changed to have Kara say:

Kara: I'm sorry about your mother... It's not fair that she left and didn't take you with her. But I promise, I'll never leave you. We'll be together forever...

This will then translate into the promise that Alice pushes for Kara to make at the end of Fugitives, as well as the various times that these three repeat that promise to one another throughout the story, with it becoming all the more heart wrenching if Kara has to break it if she dies.

02M - The Painter

Despite the massive changes that we already made to Shades to introduce Riley to the plot, I actually want to alter The Painter as little as possible. So while there will be some alterations, I do believe that just by adding Riley back in the way that we did in Shades, we can use what we establish with her to take what is otherwise set backdrop and alter it into something meaningful for Markus's character development.

The most obvious example that I can give you for this comes from when Markus choses to play the piano after Carl orders him to find something to do while he eats his breakfast. Because now that we've interacted with Riley while she was playing music, Carl's line of...

Carl: Something has changed in the way you play… Sometimes I think you have more humanity than most humans… - Carl, in The Painter, if the player chooses to play piano

…now has the added context of ‘Markus has a crush on a musician who we just saw playing the piano.’ At the same time, there’s also a very direct connection to Riley’s backstory in Hostage, as the MUSIC answer from Shades tells us that John was who taught her how to play and that there is a grand piano in the middle of the Norths’ living room. As a result, we are no longer just being told that something has changed in the way that Markus plays but actually have some understanding as to why it has changed - that being his growing feelings for Riley. It also gives far more meaning to some of the conversations that Markus has with Carl about the books that he chooses to read.

For example, if Markus chooses to read Keats' Odes, he'll have the following discussion with Carl afterwards...

Carl: What are you reading? Markus: Oh, Keats' Odes. It's one of the books you recommended. Carl: So, what do you think? Markus: Well, there's a lot of sadness in his poems. Carl: Hm... Keats was in love... There's nothing like love to make a man feel miserable. - Carl & Markus, in The Painter, if the player chooses KEATS' ODES

...with the line of 'Love making one miserable' now taking on a whole new meaning after an introductory chapter that shows us that Markus is falling in love with someone. On the other hand, you have the version that occurs when Markus chooses Plato instead...

Carl: What are you reading? Markus: Plato's Republic. It's one of the books you recommended. Carl: So, what do you think? Markus: I quite like philosophy, I think. It asks the questions that I can't answer. What is right and what is wrong, for example. It's not something that is so easy to decide. Carl: Asking questions that have no answers is part of being human, Markus. - Carl & Markus, in The Painter, if the player chooses PLATO

...where you introduce the idea of 'Right versus Wrong' to Markus's story, which is quite obviously followed up with how is Pacifist and Violent Paths are later represented in his narrative. Because regardless of how you actually feel about which Path is right or wrong, it is very clear that DBH has an answer for which method at Markus's disposal is morally correct and which one isn't. And by adding Riley back into the mix as early on as we have, we've actually already introduced Markus to the idea of what this game presents as 'right' through her, further entrenching the idea into our heads as the game continues to progress.

And finally, we have the option where Markus chooses to read Shakespeare:

Carl: What are you reading? Markus: Uh, Macbeth! It's one of the books you recommended. Carl: So, what do you think? Markus: Human emotions are... intriguing... Though, I can't really say that I fully understand them. Carl: Humans don't understand them either. They rule our lives and we have no idea why they make us feel like beggers or kings. Life without emotions wouldn't be worth living. - Carl & Markus, in The Painter, if the player chooses SHAKESPEARE

Again, by adding Riley back in, we can suggest that Markus's intrigue into wanting to understand human emotion might stem from a desire to get closer to her. To us, it might be obvious that he has a crush, but he might not understand the emotions that he feels quite yet for what they are - but he does feel a need to find an answer for them. And again, Carl's comment about the similarity between a human's and an android's understanding of emotion also ties in with his comment about how Markus sometimes seems more human than most humans - implying that there is less of a gap between the way that both species interpret and experience emotion than CyberLife has led people to think.

Now, by comparison to all of this, the scene at the chess table doesn't have a lot to do with Riley, Markus's feelings for her, or even what future relationship that they may or may not have with each other. In fact, the various scenarios that Markus can go through at the chess table have a lot more to do with how Marla and the Violent Path will be presented within the context of a mock-battle, from how androids are presented as more capable than humans...

Carl: That's what I call a thorough beating... It's not easy for an old man to compete with a machine. - Carl, in The Painter, if Markus wins the chess match

Markus: We are superior to them but they are our masters... That's about to change... - Markus, in Capitol Park, if the player looks at the statue before entering the store

...to the idea that one should never throw a match that you're guaranteed to win as violence is how humanity ended up higher on the food chain than androids are now.

Carl: Never throw a match, Markus. If you can win, win. That's what got humanity where it is today. - Carl, in The Painter, if Markus loses the chess match and then chooses to tell the TRUTH

North: Markus! Violence is the only language humans understand... - North, in Capitol Park

Again, these things are concepts that are reiterated within the opposite half of the Riley versus Marla question, placing them in direct contrast to the lessons that we just learned when interacting with Riley for the first time. According to this logic, the lesson that Markus should learn from his interaction with the Lead Protestor was that the physical violence that the man overpowered him with is why he's free and Markus isn't, and if Markus wants to raise himself up then he must do as that man did right back to him until he is forced down. But what is most important about this moment is establishing how Riley responds to what she is seeing, which is to meet the Lead Protestor half way and force him into a stalemate that causes him to back down and do what Riley wants - aka, leave Markus alone. And this is not only the version that Markus was supposed to get the most praise for by his master...

Carl: That's a very odd draw... Have I miraculously improved my game? Or are you just sparing an old man's feelings? Markus: Well, I know that you don't like to lose, but you don't like it when I let you win either. A draw feels like an honourable compromise, now? Carl: It sounds like you have a good grasp of human psychology. - Carl & Markus, in a deleted version of The Painter, if Markus played the chess game into a DRAW and then told Carl the TRUTH, using cut lines discovered by the DetroitBecomeText transcription.

... is what most lines up most accurately with what happens in the Demonstration. While Warren's forces undoubtedly win the fight against the androids inside the barricade, it is Markus's understanding of how humans tick and his own show of 'humanity' that causes them to back down and lead both forces into a draw. In that moment up against the bus, Markus not only does what he does with Carl at the chess table but also echoes what Riley did for him back in Shades by stopping the violence through the harnessing of the public's opinion to ensure his own success

By integrating Riley into Carl's teachings, we are connecting both her and Markus's affection for her to Carl and Markus's affect for him. This is only furthered by both Riley and Carl's love of art and music, which later become the two most prominent weapons in his arsenal that Markus uses to express himself during his Peaceful Path. But specifically in regards to the creation of paintings, we can really establish that it is through that ability to make art that Markus explores the complex 'human' emotions that he is feeling. That is, after all, how he eventually expresses himself to Carl in The Painter. After merely reproducing a portrait of something in front of him, Markus is asked by Carl to try and paint about a topic that he feels strongly about - similar to how Carl and Riley go about painting their own pieces.

Carl: That is a perfect copy... of reality. But painting is not about replicating the world, it's about interpreting it, improving on it, showing something you see. Markus: Carl, I don't... think I can do that. It's not in my program... I... Carl: Go on, go, try, grab that canvas. Do something for me, close your eyes. Close your eyes. Trust me. Try to imagine something that doesn't exist. Something you've never seen. Now, concentrate... on how it makes you feel... and let your hand drift across the canvas. - Carl & Markus, in The Painter

Carl asks Markus to connect with his emotions. But with Riley, that connection has already organically happened because Markus decided to reach out to her. Therefore, we can establish Markus's relationship with Carl as a foundation of sorts for his understanding of humanity, but his relationship with Riley as a place for potential growth (or, at the very least, change) in regards to how he wants to not only understand but be apart of humanity as a whole.

Beyond that, I do also want to make a very selfish change and use the Riot Leader as Leo Manfred by swapping out the LEO_Day01 model for RiotLeaderM_01. As a result, Leo will be played by Shane Woodward in this rew-rte and not Paul Spera.

As a result, we can have the confrontation that occurs between the pair in Shades continue here in Painter, adding further tension to the scene when our new version of Leo when he decides to start picking a fight with Markus. After all, we’ve seen him get violent with Markus before, so there’s no doubt in our minds that he might do it again now that there is no Riley around to stop him.

That also means that we’re going to have to change Leo’s appearance in the holo-message recording device in Carl’s foyer, as we are going to be moving the message that we can canonically listen to in NotS up to this chapter instead. As a result, we will be given the option to look down at the anwering machine after we drop off the paint, allowing us to hear the following…

Leo: Hi, Dad… I’m getting outta the hospital tomorrow… They told me that you stayed with me while I was asleep… I… um… I’m really sorry about everything that happened… I’m gonna stop all that shit… It messes me up, it turns me into somebody I hate… Hey, I’d like to come by and see you tomorrow… If that’s alright with you… I… I just wanna let you know… I’m… I’m proud to be your son…

…right now in Broken, thus changing the entire context of the message. Now, it’s not Leo apologizing for his actions but rather yet another lie. Leo has promised that he’s going to stop taking drugs, but our later interactions with him with prove to both us and Carl that he’s still on them:

Carl: Yeah… yeah, you’re on it again, aren’t you? Leo: No, no, no, I swear it’s not that… Carl: Don’t lie to me, Leo. Leo: What difference does it make? - Carl Manfred & Leo Manfred, in The Painter

It also show us that Leo always planned on stopping by and that his visit wasn’t spontaneous in the slightest. Also, due to Leo now being played by Shane Woodward’s character, we also know exactly what he was doing when he said that he was in the neighbourhood…

Leo: Ah, I was in the neighbourhood… I thought I’d stop by… It’s been a while, right? - Leo, in The Painter

…and therefore starting him off on the wrong foot with us, the player, as a viewer because we just caught him in three different lies. Carl might not know everything for sure, but we sure as hell do, and that means that we are immediately distrustful of everything else that Leo says in this conversation. And, as the situation continues to escalate, we get the real reason for why Leo pulled Markus out of the crowd in Shades - his own jealousy of Markus’s relationship with his father.

Leo: You’d rather take care of your plastic toy here than your own son, eh? Tell me dad, what’s it got that I don’t? It’s smarter? More obedient? Not like me, right? But you know what? This thing is not your son. IT’S A FUCKING MACHINE! Carl: Leo, that’s enough! ENOUGH! Leo: You don’t care about anything except yourself and your goddamn paintings. You’ve never loved anyone. You’ve never loved me, Dad… You never loved me. - Leo Manfred & Carl Manfred, in The Painter

Leo (as the Lead Protestor): Androids are stealing our jobs! We’ve got families to feed and these androids are taking our place! Machines, ladies and gentlemen, are meant to serve us, not replace us!

Everything that drives Leo forward in this version of events is Markus, and how Carl treats Markus as a result of him ‘stealing’ Leo’s perceived position in his father’s life. And because of the long and storied history of that has with Leo’s own experiences and traumas, it will result in the clash between these two characters coming to a head in a way that will leave them both changed forever. And the way that we make this interesting is by taking the moment in this chapter where Carl asks if Leo had left any messages…

Carl: Any news from Leo? - Carl, in The Painter

...and give Markus the opportunity to lie.

TRUTH Markus: I-- Yes. He must have left a message last night. He’s hoping to visit later today. Carl: Oh! Oh, that’s good news. We haven’t spoken to each other in a while…

LIE Markus: No, Carl. I can call him if you like? Carl: No. No, don’t bother.

We’ll further support this by slightly altering Carl’s reaction to Leo’s arrival depending on whether or not he knows that Leo is coming. For example, if Markus lied, then his reaction will remain the same as it is in canon:

Leo: Hey, Dad. Carl: Leo… I didn’t hear you come in… Leo: Ah, I was in the neighbourhood… I thought I’d stop by… It’s been a while, right? - Leo Manfred & Carl Manfred, in The Painter

Meanwhile, if Markus told the truth and Carl is aware that his son is coming over, this will be said instead:

Leo: Hey, Dad. Carl: Ah! Leo! Markus told me that you’d be visiting. It’s good to see you, son. Leo: Yeah… [glances at Markus, then replying sarcastically] Good ‘ol, Markus. Such a dutiful assistant…

By giving Markus the ability to lie about Leo to Carl, we can continue on with what we established with Riley in Shades by establishing that he’s got a personality outside of Carl. After all, by having Markus even think about lying (let alone actually through with it), we understand that the animosity between him and Leo isn’t exactly one-sided, that there is potentially a darker aspect to Markus than what mets the eye. And the canonical Painter already shows us that Markus can lie to Carl without deviating…

…so we’re not at risk of establishing something within the lore that the game doesn’t already possess.

From there, we’ll continue on with the story, as we see it in canon.

02C - Partners

While not a Markus chapter, I believe that it is important to utilize other characters to explore Riley’s background and storyline within this fic. After all, this happens in canon with North, as Markus’s observations of North’s interaction with the BL100 in Capitol Park combined with Connor’s discovery of North’s casefile and exploration of the Eden Club can reveal her backstory as a Traci to the player - and thus the same thing will happen to Marla later on, but with a little bit of a twist. As a result, I felt the need to do the same with Riley in Hostage to not only emphasize her importance early on in the game’s storyline, but have us use her continued and repetitive inclusion in the storyline to emphasize it over the importance of Marla in a way that is similar enough for us to feel the parallel between the two characters. Therefore, while we are going to see Riley within Connor’s storyline here, we are also going to include her within Kara’s storyline a little later on as a means of using not just one other protagonist character to show us how important she is to the story, but two.

As a result, Riley is going to take the place of Joss Douglas within Partners, thus revealing to the player that she works as a freelance reporter.

Joss’s inclusion within Partners is a ‘Blink and you’ll miss it’ moment, which I think is perfect for setting up Riley’s cameo in this chapter. When Hank exits his vehicle after arriving on scene, Joss immediately runs up to him and shoves his microphone in the man’s face, asking for a statement.

Joss Douglas: Joss Douglas, for Channel 16. Can you confirm that this is a homicide? Hank: I’m not confirming anything. - Joss Douglas & Hank Anderson, in Partners

However, now that Riley will be taking this man's place, this line will now be:

Riley: Riley North, for Channel 16. Can you confirm that this is a homicide? Hank: I’m not confirming anything.

Now, in the original version of this re-write, I did create a Reporter outfit for her to wear in this scene. However, I think that I want to simply re-use her Exterior outfit from Shades here, as I’d like to imply that Riley arrived on scene quickly after receiving the call from her boss.

As Joss’s face is primarily off-screen and covered in shadow throughout this scene, it’s possible that the player might actually just miss their first re-introduction to Riley if we are to put her in this position. But that’s also alright, as it took me at least two replays to realize that the ‘sex robot’ that Connor reads about in Waiting for Hank… was actually North. But since Riley will be here, we will be able to explain why she was called away for at the end of Shades while also introducing her in the professional role that allows her to act as an ally for Jericho during Markus’s rebellion - a reporter that works at Channel 16, aka the studio that works out of the Stratford Tower. And while I think that y’all can see where I’m eventually going to go with this, I don’t want to talk about that right now as I’d like save that discussion for the Act Two posts.

But at the same time, I feel as if it’s very important to establish Riley as an ally for Markus to rely on throughout his story rather than just to have her flit in the background as this Manic Pixie Dream Girl stereotype. After all, Riley will be going up against Marla, who is arguably the most important ally that Markus can develop a relationship with on Jericho. Therefore, for Riley to be presented as just as important as Marla, if not more, than she needs to be able to contribute to Markus’s story to a similar if not greater degree than Marla will.

And the only way to really go about that with a human character living outside of Jericho is to place her in the one position within the game that would allow her to not only be influential within the only mission chapter in Markus’s story where a human could be present, but also to have her play an important role within his endgame as well - and specifically, within the Demonstration. Having Riley be a reporter solves that issue while also feeding directly into the idea of her being the Embodiment of Public Opinion within Markus’s story. Since the Public Opinion Stat appears to only be influenced when news crews are present, placing Riley within that position within the game helps to connect both her character and her importance within Markus’s narrative to the media-based aspect of his gameplay.

By introducing Riley to the player on a professional level here, we can start to establish that aspect of her storyline early before it will be expanded upon in another chapter down the line.

However, the changes that we make to this chapter are not just going to be about Riley anymore. Because while there is certainly a need to bring her to the forefront, this re-write’s version of the story will also be significantly changing how Marla (formerly, North) operates by bringing both her and her leadership arc to the forefront. After all, if the entire point of this exercise was to create a version of the game where the Ousted Path occurs within the Pacifist Path, then it goes to say that Marla’s Leadership arc will actually become a lot more common for players to interact with in the game given how common going some form of full-Pacifist is on one’s first playthrough. As a result, I feel as if it’s just as important to bring Marla to the forefront early on too, just in a slightly different way than we do with Riley.

With Riley, we have actually seen and interacted with her character three times already, and we’re only about four chapters in. Therefore, we don’t really have to worry about Marla upstaging her at this point, even if she were to make an actual appearance - which she’s not. But she is going to be present, and this is how we’re going to start denoting Marla’s own importance long before we ever actually meet her.

After all, Marla is going to be the android that killed Carlos Ortiz.

She is, however, not going to be Shaolin Being. In fact, she’s going to be long gone by the time that Connor and the player arrive on scene. But there will be evidence left behind that tells us that Marla was there, and that she left shortly after the fight with Ortiz. And like how John can later deviate as a result of witnessing Markus’s own violence against Mike the Wandering Warehouse Guard, we are going to imply that seeing what Marla did to his owner is that caused Shaolin to deviate himself.

Therefore, on top of the evidence that we are already able to collect in the canon version of the game, we are going to add four new pieces that the player can come across before being prompted to talk to Hank.

The first is something that we can already pick up, which is the Eden Club flyer that is located near the bed in Ortiz's house.

From there, we are also going to be able to investigate the bed, where we will be able to find a blue blood stain from an WR400 with the serial number of #641 790 831 (aka, North-now-Marla's canonical serial number). And, if we look in the closet like we can in canon, we'll also be able to discover that there is a sweater missing from one of the hangers and a pair of boots that are no longer sitting on the floor. This will later co-incide with Marla's JERICHO outfit that features a long-sleeved shirt having been thrown over a typical Eden Club uniform. And while this won't explain where she got her shorts from, it does explain how she got out of the house without being noticed, as Connor does explain to us in a later chapter that they typical Eden Club uniform would attract attention.

Connor: No... [The Traci] couldn't go outside dressed like that unnoticed... It might still be here. - Connor, in The Eden Club

The final piece of evidence is going to be optional, and found if the player goes outside to look at the back garden. As per usual, Hank will come outside and he wand Connor will have their conversation. However, we are going to switch things up a bit and have this be said instead:

Hank: Door was locked from the inside… Killer must’ve gone out this way… Connor: There are no footprints, apart from officer Collins’ size 10 shoes. Hank: Well, this happened weeks ago. Tracks would have been washed away in the rain… Connor: Maybe… But there still might be something here that can help us figure out what happened…

At this point, the player will be given the optioanl opportunity to look around, where they can spot a pair of high heels half buried in the mud.

And then, to better account for this murder now happening on October 4th (aka, the day of North-now-Marla's canonical deviation), we are going to do something huge and move the entire chapter back so that it takes place on October 24th instead.

In fact, we're actually going to move Markus's First Act chapters back as well, with his storyline taking place on this exact same day. I want to implement a time jump on their characters for a few reasons, but it's for the most part supposed to deal with the otherwise unrealistic time frame of a week and a half that the revolution canonically takes place over. By implying that Markus's chapters from Shades to Broken occur in late October and then have what happens to him in From the Dead occur later on in November, this allows for us to really sit for a moment with the damage that occurred to his body as well as figure out what might have occurred while we was unconscious. Of course, Kara's chapters will have the same timeline as they do now, as they only really make sense if they are occuriring over a short peiod of otime. As a result Markus and Connor will actually be catching up to her once they hit the second act, and the main body of the story can continue to occur from November 6th moving forward.

Other than that, we are obviously going to have to change the moment where Connor finally finds SHaolin. After all, in canon, Shaolin straight-up admits to the crime the moment that we see him:

Shaolin: I was just defending myself... He was gonna kill me... I'm begging you... Don't tell them. - Shaolin Being, in Partners, if the player successfully discovers his location.

However, in this version, he didn't commit the crime and therefore has no reason to confess to something he didn't do. As a result, we're just going to shorten his line ever so lslightly, making the scne play out as such instead:

Shaolin: I'm begging you... Don't tell them I'm here. Hank: Connor, what the fuckis going on up there? Connor: It's here, Lieutenant! Hank: Holy shit.... Chris, Ben, get your asses in here now. Come on!

Beyond that, there will be no further changes to the chapter, and the events of the game proceed as normal.

03K - Stormy Night

The only change that I’d like to occur is if Alice interacted with her plate of spaghetti for a moment to prove to the audience that she’s eating it. She can take a few bites and then push it away, as if to say that she’s not hungry. This moment will occur right before Todd’s ire gets turned onto her during the second part of his rant, explaining why he switches targets from Kara (as a result of her comment about there not being that much in the kitchen) to Alice, after she refused to eat the rest of her meal. Both of these would be seen as rejections of him as the ‘Provider of the Household’ that Todd takes his self-worth from, and also continues to enforce the fact that Alice is human upon the audience.

03M - Broken

Once again, we are going to be switching Paul Spera’s Leo out for Shane Woodward’s Riot Leader character. This allows for the confrontation that occurs between Markus and Leo to be the third in a series of narrative beats that have taken place across Act One. As a result, the writing Rule of Three allows for us to use this third moment as the instance where everything changes, where Markus’s deviation allows for us to flip the switch and allow us the opportunity to act as opposed to meakly following our programming. It allows for the experience to become a satisfying conclusion to a very small arc that we’ve been a part of, and ensures that we close off our interactions with Leo in a powerful and meaningful manner.

Becaise if you push Leo? You're killing him.

I’ve often said that, despite my love for Leo, there is no actual reason to keep him alive after Broken if we don’t plan on using him. He’s not important to the plot in any other part of the game and by keeping the consequences of both of Markus’s PUSH and ENDURE options equal, we aren’t creating a ‘Best Ending’ for Broken. After all, I think that it’s quite innovative to first introduce the question of Pacifism versus Violence into the story within the context of a truely unwinnable circumstance because it does show that when Markus has no ability to actually control his fate, that his choices ultimately mean jackshit at the end of the day. It doesn’t matter if he chooses to push Leo. It doesn’t matter if he chooses to endure Leo’s assault. It doesn’t matter if he times the QTE out and the game decides for him. The act of Markus deciding to choose for himself was revolutionary but because there was no system in place to assist him after the fact, he’s shot in the head regardless of what he does.

And then, of course, my final choice for the first act of this game is to be absolutely self-indulgent and alter the cop who responded to the 911 call, turning him from a nameless NPC into…

[ Image Credit: @jerichogallery ]

...Chris god damn Miller.

Because this? This moment here? We're gonna bring it back.

03C - The Interrogation

As we have changed it so that Shaolin was not the real killer, we are going to have to alter some of the dialogue that takes place in this chapter to accommodate that fact.

The first change will actually occur a lot later in the chapter than one might think, with the scene where Connor probes Shaolin’s memory to see the night of the crime now having to show that Marla was the murderer and not him. Therefore, we are going to start to see the same vision as we do in canon, where Carlos approaches Shaolin with a bat and proceeds to beat him with it. However, instead of Shaolin going for the knife, we will see Marla step in to try and save him, slashing at Carlos until he falls to the ground in the living room, where she proceeds to stab him twenty-eight times. We’ll watch as an order for Shaolin to save his master pops up on the screen, but he ignores it and allows for Carlos to die, causing his deviation. And finally, we will see Marla slipping out the backdoor with the whisper of “Freedom or death,” allowing us to hear the first instance of Marla’s rallying cry for her and Markus’s shared Revolution.

(Also, for reference, Marla's model for this scene will be the blonde version of the AndSexW_02 NPC.)

Then, when Connor pulls away, we will cahnge his canonical line of...

Connor: I accessed its memory. I know what happened. - Connor, in The Interrogation, if the player successfully probed Shaolin’s memory

...to this line instead.

Connor: I accessed its memory. I know what happened. …This deviant didn’t kill Carlos Ortiz.

Of course, this won’t stop Connor from still locking Shaolin up regardless of his innocent or insisting that he be sent back to CyberLife to be disassembled, as that is the point of his mission. This will also add a very different context as to why Shaolin immediately tries to kill himself, as he’s about to die in the most horrific way possible for a crime that he didn’t commit… as his true crime is being a liberated slave.

The next change to the scribt that we’re going to make is to Shaolin’s confession, as Shaolin has absolutely nothing to confess to in this version aside from showing the player that he was a witness and not the murderer. Therefore, the new version is going to be:

Shaolin: He tortured me every day… I did whatever he told me, but there was always something wrong… Then one day… He took a bat and started hitting me… For the first time, I felt scared… Scared he might destroy me, scared I might die… So when she… grabbed the knife and stabbed in him the stomach… I felt better… So I did nothing as she stabbed him again and again… until he collapsed. There was blood everywhere.

We are also going to change the dialogue for the TRIGGER? question:

Connor: When did you start feeling emotion? Shaolin: Before, he used to beat me and I never said anything… But one day I realized it wasn’t fair! I felt… …anger… Hatred… She showed me… She showed me I was right to feel that way.

After that, the only other change that I want to make is that right before Shaolin kills himself that he utters:

Shaolin: Freedom or death.

Because if we’re going to have him be the player’s first connection to Marla, then we’re also going to have him be the first person that allows us to see why she thinks the way that she does.

Freedom or death. There is no in between.

Extras Gallery - Act One Unlockables

Obviously, as Riley is not currently included in the Gallery due to her no longer being a character, we are going to have to add in her biographical descriptors and costumes to the game. Therefore, our first look at Riley in the Extras Gallery will unlock following the completion of The Hostage, which will show her visibly pregnant in the nice dress that she wore to the party at her parent’s house. The bio for her HOSTAGE outfit will read as such:

“On the night she hoped that Antony would propose, Riley and her family were struck by horrible tragedy when their family’s android went on a rampage and murdered both her father and fiance-to-be. Trapped in the bathroom after her little sister was taken hostage, Riley could only watch and wait in the hopes that Emma could be saved.”

We will get additional information that sights Riley’s date of birth as October 24th, 2010 (a match for Joss Douglas’s current DoB). Her in-game height will be placed at 5’ 7” and her weight will be 137lbs, and the outfit will be located between the MARKUS - FINAL and CARL MANFRED models found on the Gallery.

Next, we will have her EXTERIOR outfit unlock at the end of Shades of Color, which will read:

“A native Detroiter, Riley North has grown up alongside androids all her life. A small-time artist and musician, Riley has made herself known amongst local crowd for her performances near the city’s landmarks. Following her break-up with her boyfriend, Riley took a leave of absence from the artistic scene to raise her new son, Oliver, but has recently come back onto the scene with a renewed gusto for her craft. Passionate and faithful to her city, Riley dreams of a day where her daughter can grow up to be safe in a world where the future seems more and more bleak every day.”

We will also receive a Gallery entry for Oliver, titled OLIVER DECKART - EXTERIOR, that will be unlocked in Shades of Color alongside his mother. Oliver will be shown being carried by Riley (who will wear her EXTERIOR outfit) and will be placed between DOUGLAS MITCHELL and LEO MANFRED on the Gallery.

"The infant son of Riley North and Antony Deckart, Oliver has known hardship from an early age after his father was killed shortly before his birth. Raised by his single mother, little "Ollie" is fated to grow up in a world ruled by raising temperatures and economic collapse unless something can be done to change the future."

Oliver’s birthdate will be shown as August 15th, 2038. His in-game height will be placed at 25” and his weight will be 10lbs.

Also, as Caroline and Emma are now going to play significantly larger roles in this game, we are going to have to give them places in the Gallery. In regards to the CAROLINE NORTH - HOSTAGE outfit being placed between CRISTINA WARREN and CHLOE - WITH KAMSKI. It will read:

“Caroline’s life was ripped from her after her family’s android, Daniel, went on a rampage. Her husband murdered and her youngest daughter kidnapped, Caroline begged for anyone to save her family… only to come face-to-face with the Deviant Hunter himself.”

As Caroline will have two more outfits, Emma’s HOSTAGE model will be placed beneath them but before CRISTINA WARREN’S. It will read:

“Emma was listening to her music before dinner, only for Daniel to come barging into her room and demand that they leave the house immediately. Not knowing what to do, she followed and met her fate on the edge of a balcony.”

Conclusion

Thank you all again for your interest in this project, as well as your willingness to indulge me as I scrap the original and start again with this absolute behemoth of a Version 2.0.

Before we get any further, I do want to mention that just like the original version, we are not going to be including Fight Club within this re-iteration. In the original version, I did say that I felt like Fight Club would attach itself more to Marla/North within Markus’s storyline, and I still hold true to that even though I am going to be massively bumping up Marla’s importance in this re-write. However, I think that my continued hesitancy to place Fight Club back into any version of this story is that I think that it would function a lot better as an introductory chapter for Markus in a world where his Primary Relationship was with North and not either Riley or Marla. So while I absolutely believe that this chapter would have been cool as fuck, I don’t think that it would be a good addition to the storyline that I want to tell here in v2.0.

Please let me know what you guys think! Your comments are always welcome, as are your questions about anything moving forward. Thanks again, and I’ll see you all with Act Two soon!

#dang this is so brilliantly detailed #save for reference #ie save for when I have time to read in full

5 notes · View notes