#i shouldn’t have done this to myself

[alaskan-wallflower]

sometimes i wonder if my teacher doesn’t want me in his history class because he keeps alluding to how he won’t see me in october and how he doesn’t expect to have me on his roster in a few weeks and it just pisses me off. like sir, get over yourself-if i, my parents or my councilor didn’t think i could handle it i wouldn’t be in the class.

i do however wish i could drop other classes. i lowkey don’t know how to ask for help because thinking about this year makes my stomach churn and i think i’d rather look into a loaded gun than my physics textbook but whatever. i know i’m only a junior and i don’t rly have a right to be complaining but sometimes i just wanna test myself until i break and i guess that’s what i’m doing this year? but i’m quite literally stuck with my schedule because i have every slot filled with classes, like i don’t have a lunch or a break and i cannot drop classes without rearranging my whole schedule. and since three of them are college classes i’m limited in the amount of days i can miss, which scares me because i have choir lessons weekly that i can’t avoid.

i honestly don’t know what to do. i have my painting class at the start of the day which sucks because i don’t really have anything to clear my head with-same with my sculpting class. i have to do public oral presentations weekly in english, my history teacher thinks i’m incapable of handling hard things, my physics class is going to actually make me suicidal and i’m gonna fail the regents and its just not gonna be a good time.

i know i’m a junior and i have no right to complain. but half of me regrets doing this to myself because i’m also trying to get into national honors society but i don’t even know if i have enough community service hours, i want to have enough time to be more active on here and i’m only two days in and i’m already worried for my mental health this year because i know i’m going to not do good on tests and when i don’t do good at something i just tend to shut down and i’m scared i’m gonna like…revert into bad habits again. hell this morning i broke my dogs dish because i tripped and everything just went dark.

thinking about school makes me feel shaky and sick and i dunno. i just hate it because i also have to look into college and find an SAT tutor and get into clubs and i’m going to have no time for myself and i’m just scared and i don’t know how to say i’m worried about my mental health and what i may do to myself without sounding like i need to be in a ward. i know ill be alright but it just is a lot rn. and nothing hurts more than knowing your own teachers don’t think you can do it.

sorry fir venting real fast, i’ll resume normal posting. just needed to word vomit ig.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

I love this show and it means a lot to me,

and I feel disappointed and a little bit misled tbh by the choices they have made-

These are two thoughts that can coexist btw

[designernishiki]

it’s kinda funny to me how that dumb scene in kiwami 1 of majima getting shot and left for dead in the harbor was basically just added as a half-assed way to explain majima not being around for a bit of the plot, but they accidentally(?) just made it seem like start of a chain reaction where majima ended up feeling slighted and heartbroken after being abandoned like that and then lashed out about it via smashing a big truck into the building kiryu was in. and yeah that isn’t inherently a romantic thing as-is but then they go and add the part where majima grabs a hostess and performatively hits on her as in-kiryu’s-face as possible, she says she’s already in love with someone, and majima lets her go immediately, no questions asked, making a big fucking point of it just to say see THAT kiryu? I appreciate when people are HONEST about their FEELINGS. people who won’t just BACKSTAB someone who CARES about them to save themselves. is that so crazy kiryu?? huh??? anyway make it up to me get down here and fight me right fucking now

[luna-the-cretar]

I really wanna write a Jericho and Lethica oneshot—and I’m going to—but I have come to the realization that Jericho’s dialogue is going to give me a lot of issues for the same reason Gricko’s dialogue gives me issues.

I know the accent. I know the voice. I can hear it loud and clear in my head. The issue is that I just. DONT KNOW HOW TO FUCKING TYPE OUT HIS ACCENT.

I mean, Gawrsh is easy enough—thanks to Dreamlight Valley and typing out Goofy’s accent—but how the fuck am I supposed to type out Pertty? Like that? Or like Perty? Neither of them look right.

[theshadowrealmitself]

I fucking love when characters see themselves in someone else

Current thoughts rn is an oc who’s half human and half a species I made up that’s not well known in the federation and only recently joined it awhile ago

And they wanna be a good representation of their non-human species, but stuff keeps happening that makes them feel like they fail at it

And in many ways, they’re different from Spock, cause Spock looks like a Vulcan and wants people to look at him and see a Vulcan who succeeds at being a Vulcan, whereas this oc looks like a human, but wants people to see them as [species I made up]

But they still have some similarities, and they’re crying cause all this drama happened around them, like their fiancé calling off their engagement during the ceremony, and how they feel like their fiancé wouldn’t have done that to them if they weren’t half human, etc

And Spock is just to the side, distinctly aware that he’s had the same thoughts

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

AHHHHHH okay so i may or may not have just spontaneously bought tickets to see miles in london in february and i am SO EXCITED 🤩🤩

[muse-write]

Hmmmm…should I try out embroidery on the white panels of the skirt I’m making?

[scratchcraftwheretheyshouldntbe]

Wow, Voidway shouldn't be in the rainbow room with the Monkees...

(Original photo of the Monkees from Facebook, it's under the cut.)

[why-the-heck-not]

what the fuck, I miss math courses?? why??? they’re always a misery, why do I crave misery ???

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

i try so hard to like sandy milkovich i really do but i must admit it’s very hard

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

[fefairys]

i think that vriska homestuck and vriska pesterquest are two distinct versions of vriska and i think that a lot of people are thinking more about PQ vriska than HS vriska when they discourse about her because they remember PQ more clearly than HS and so they don’t remember like… the true, canon vriska from the comic, they mostly just remember a version of vriska that was one person’s exercise in projecting onto a character to write about her experiences, but was actually not all that in character when you compare it to HS vriska. so the discourse goes nowhere because we are now talking about two completely different characters.

[the-commonplace-book]

Registered for fall term community college

Completed my FAFSA forms

Did my budgeting for the next year and a half

I’m going back to schoooollll

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

aurhrhrgrg I hate homophobia I hate needing to teach just to live my life

[no1ryomafan]

Being autistic sucks sometimes like tf you mean when I have fun and socialize with my friends I suddenly don’t feel up to watching a 20 minute show yet I can do anything else fine? This is bullshit (I’ve put off G for the past two days bc I’ve had stuff with friends and yes I’m sad about it)

[outer-edges]

r/regretfulparents is my hellscape. i know most of them are just going through hard times and venting and probably don't actually regret it but like. i genuinely think motherhood would be my most awful prison. the whole sub is like the scariest horror game the internet has to offer for me.