#i should be cleaning

[julieverne]

Angela always says Jane was born in a storm. That she howled louder than the wind around the hospital, the she cried harder than the rainfall on the dirty Boston streets.

Maura doesn't know when she was born. It's not something she wants to ask Paddy. She doesn't want to know if he was there. She presumes he was, to take her away. But she doesn't want to bond with him. He's done such awful things, she can't reconcile the man in the news with the man who keeps her graduation photos in his pocket.

Hope knows. She won't say. She's scared of hurting Cailin again, and she doesn't care how much it hurts Maura. Maura doesn't want to ask her either. She doesn't want to be reminded when she comes from. She doesn't want to hurt Hope any more than she already has. She already lost her baby; Maura isn't hers any more than she is anyone else's.

But when Angela reprimands Jane and calls her as troublesome as a tempest, part of Maura longs to have that kind of knowledge.

Jane sips her beer in front of the game.

"It was like this," Jane says, and Maura stares at her in miscomprehension. "Remember? When we met? The Oilers against the Penguins? God, it was such a great day. You were so embarrassed when you found out I was a detective and you asked how you could make it up to me. And I said you could get me a beer sometime, so you did, because you've always been so literal. You got me a can of beer, and you watched the game with me on the bullpit tv while we waited for the techs to come back with the results on that substance. We found it in that girl they pulled out of the harbour, and I got a bunch when I busted that guy. And you matched it somehow and got me the best closed case of the year, and onto homicide. And it was like this then. The sweetest of dekes, beer. And good company." Jane smiles over at Maura; Jane isn't given to introspection, but somehow she's figured out exactly what Maura needed and why she couldn't get it.

Maura listens to Jane tell the history of them, and suddenly she doesn't care where she came from; all she cares is where she's going.

With Jane.

[bookishly-ariel]

Nothing like decluttering and music playing to make you mind go, take a break, sketch for a moment and tossing a pretty picture into your head knowing for certain you won't be able to capture the picture in a sketch but don't want to lose the base of the image so you doodle it anyways.

No, I don't remember hyberns description just that he was an ass. But I really like Elain expression atm.

Back to cleaning

[eddieschains]

helping eddie go through his stuff while moving but he keeps getting distracted by finding things he forgot he had and then sits there playing with them every 10 minutes

[szkot-pielgrzym]

not mamy days a year make me crave violence more than xmas

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

Of the 19 hijackers who carried out the Sept 11 attacks:

15 were from Saudi Arabia (a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)

2 were from the United Arab Emirates (also a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)

1 was from Egypt, 1 from Lebanon.

None of the hijackers were from Iraq.

None of the Sept 11 hijackers were Iraqi.

None of the 9/11 hijackers were from Iraq.

[stemmmm]

scenario in which bill stops torturing him and takes the time to explain what the portal is in terms more detailed than "this will get you the nobel prize for sure" and "im going to destroy your dimension, dipshit"

[ryssbelle]

Drew a bunch of Marinettes in a bunch of different artists styles it was a lot of fun!!

Artists who's styles I mimicked: @buggachat @hamsternamedmarinette @ladybeug @sabertoothwalrus and @anna-scribbles all epic artists 🤟😎

[forecast0ctopus]

[oakley-tree1]

I am procrastinating

[esaari]

What's better than a devil you don't know? A devil you do.

[l4tchk3y]

Déjà vu?

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[lazylittledragon]

not to toot my own horn too loud or anything but i've showered 5/6 days so far this week and started running again and now i can kill god

[front-facing-pokemon]

[b1cr1ptic]

GIVE ME 2 -3 BUSINESS DAYS AND I WILL CLEAN THIS UP. (based on this tweet)

[lilydally]

glub glub 🫧 he'll blow you a bubble 😘