#i should be 18 not 20
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i’m 18 today. except i’m not. i’m 20 today. maybe one of these years i’ll catch up. maybe one of these years i won’t be crying at midnight on my birthday, confused on why i’m not 2 years younger than i think i am.
#qualified to officially be called an adult#no longer a teen#i’m supposed to be celebrating this#out drinking and partying#i’ve been allowed to do that for 2 years now#so why does it still feel like i’m too young for it???#i have felt so broken and skewed since covid#i didn’t get a chance to grow at all in 2020-2022#therefore it basically never happened#i should be 18 not 20#to make up for the lost years no????#im 20 and crying in a room that makes me look 15 still#i know tumblr would argue so aggressively otherwise#but it really does feel like im the only person out there who#still has the same interests as when they were younger and still have pride in those interests#i feel like people#albeit slightly older than me#look at me in judgement and see me as an adult child#idk i just feel ill#it doesn’t feel real this whole night has felt like a fever dream jesus#birthday
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let's all quit the internet! (he/him)
#robot#tv head#sona#id in alt#edit added pronouns to the main post like i should have. I love robot girls they are my comrades but I am not one I'm too agender to qualif#upgrading from ubuntu 18 to 20 apparently fucked up my ffmpeg real bad and it wouldnt export this gif correctly for a hot second rip
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#i'm here to ruining EVERYONES DAY#tw: torture#i felt like more people needed to know the lore about the arkhamverse because it's absolutely gut-wrenching so hehe ur welcome for the pain#the fact that bruce did try and find him for so long makes me wanna scream#cause ya know they make it sound like he gave up really fast and just abandoned him#but he did try for SIX months? up until he thought jason was dead? (and yes we can debate that he should have known but pls it's a game)#(they needed that to happen for the story so blame the writers)#just as jason had hope for several months that bruce would come for him!#and that makes me so fucking feral#“finally gave up the search” stop stop im crying im not okay#oh my god bruce and jason melts my brain#jason todd#jaybin#red hood#batman: the arkham knight#batman#arkham knight#the arkham knight#ak jason todd#arkham knight jason todd#joker#dcu#jasontoddedit#my gifs#info from wiki and so#this is truly THE saddest version of brujay honestlyyyyyyyyyy#i also like the “mentor and ward” aspect :3#he was likeee 18-20 here i believe?#:(
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you want a new kind of guy, fine, i raise you: the lady i was briefly roommates with in college who once smoked a blunt at a party and then spent an hour confessing earnestly to me that she genuinely preferred reading detailed episode recaps over actually watching the tv show in question
#she sounded so remorseful & i just stood staring like an anthropologist watching their phd thesis spontaneously manifest before their eyes#apparently she would watch the pilot episode to get a feel for the characters#and then just read a bunch of recaps & episode reviews instead of watching future episodes. what fresh steaming hell#this conversation took place like a year and a half after we were roommates btw. i had seen her maybe twice in that time period#i thought she was a standard frat girl but then 18 months later she appears in the wild grass to reveal unhinged character background to me#and i'm just standing there nodding feeling like i missed a weird opportunity i did not want or ask for#honestly thought i was the weirdest person in that apartment situation but now i'm wondering what our other 2 roommates were hiding#not my strangest college experience at ALL but like. definitely top 20#this wasn't the same person as Aquarium Girl btw but oddly enough they were roommates actually#(not at the same time that Recaps Lady and i were roommates but at different intervals idk)#anyway i probably should have interviewed at more than one apartment before taking over a sublease but summer sess is a weird time u know#oh and this happened in Hong Kong btw
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yknow what. might as well put em all here! >:]
most art pre Viddy Game Hyperfixations was for dA groups! which meant mostly warrior cats until ~2016 and then mostly evolving species groups after that
#damn almost 10 years of this now..#there is still a lot of old art that i really enjoy#like. ngl that tiger from sep '15 still rules#but also a bunch of stuff that isnt on here#also surprisingly it's not even *that* apparent just how big the dragon age brainrot has been fjsdflsdjfklg#like. there are more poe pieces on this year's summary than dragon age pieces on any previous one lmaoo#i can absolutely see though that 2016 was a warriors year; 17 my wyngro year; and 18-20 my whistler crest years haha#was gonna say surprisingly little kh on any of these but then again they were mostly doodles and not finished pieces#and i was still pretty self conscious abt drawing humans at that time#but. yea! lil art throwback :]#my art#in retrospect it does annoy me a little that i used a round format for two years jfsdklfjlsjfkls#(btw ignore that it says 2012 summary; that's 2017 i just forgot to edit the year)#and hm. maybe i should go back and make some for earlier years too.....#might be hard though bc it's gonna be a lot harder to find out the exact date for things
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every time i wear my leggings to work i make more tips do u think that’s a coincidence
#most of the men who eat there r older too n i have been told i look 17/18. the oldest i have been told is 20#men should kill themselves#.txt
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Maybe I did this to myself but it does irk me when people see me knitting and they ask who it’s for and I say it’s for me and the immediate reaction is “you should sell it” yeah… let me spend at least a week’s worth of my free time making an item I like, want, and would wear just to sell it on etsy, making at most a £2 profit on materials and not being compensated for my time whatsoever 👍🏻
#i say maybe i did this to myself because historically i have gifted most of the items i have knitted#because the venn diagram of things i like to knit vs things i like to wear is actually 2 circles that don’t touch#i looove making hats. i HATE wearing hats#also i love making baby clothes but i don’t have a baby and i’m not going to have a baby#however lately i’ve gotten really into knitting socks and i really like to wear knit socks. it’s like the most affordable way for me to get#quality wool socks. and i’m going to be watching my shows anyway. the time will pass anyways#but it feels like people are deliberately making me feel weird for wanting to make stuff for myself and not profit off my hobby#and like i’ve made 3 pairs of socks to gift already because ‘tis the season or whatever. and i’ve started another pair for a friend whose#birthday is in january#genuinely it’s very weird to hear ‘you should sell it’ or ‘oh i want one!!’ about an item i’m making for myself. after 18 years of gifting#or donating basically everything i’ve ever knitted. like i’ve gifted 2 double bed size crochet blankets#everyone i’ve known who’s had a baby has gotten a cardigan or a blanket or hats or all of the above#i spent october making poppies for the church. i’ve never even stepped foot in my village church mind you. my neighbour asked me to help#do you know what i own? that i’ve knitted? a pair of mittens and a pair of socks.#you want some socks from me? alright. that’s anywhere between £6 and £10 for the yarn and that’s optimistic#i’m currently making myself a pair with hand-dyed yarn that cost me £18 including delivery#the needles i use cost me more than £10. time… let’s call it 24 hours per sock#i don’t know anyone with 18 years experience who makes minimum wage so let’s call it an even 600 for my time. tbh#DO YOU SEE how this isn’t a viable side hussle??? i physically cannot charge what my socks are worth#if i like you and you’re willing to wait; socks are free or cost whatever the yarn costs#if i don’t like or know you venmo me £620. and you’re still going to have to wait.#just pisses me OFF when people suggest i make an etsy page and they say it like they’re doing me a favour or giving me great financial#advice. like you’ve seen me sitting here all evening and i’m barely done with the cuff.. do you actually think selling these for £20 maximum#is going to help me out. i’m not selling them. they’re FOR me. i’m making them because i want them#also when my friend’s family was saying this to me and i was like ‘well the yarn cost a fiver’ and they got quiet and i was thinking yeah…#a fiver is the maximum you cheapskates would pay isn’t it. a fiver is cheap sock yarn bought on sale. or yarn that probably isn’t actually#good for socks. like don’t presume to give me financial advice when you’re this out of touch with the market please#next person who asks when i’m going to start selling socks is getting this whole rant in entirety tbh i don’t care anymore#personal#edited to add that i didn’t even get into etsy fees or whether i would even be noticed among the mountain of dropshippers LOL
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Being in a country where the legal drinking age is 18 is lowkey embarrassing cause there's these kids fresh out of high school drinking a pack of beers by the hour and I'm over here having to treat drinking like I'm already 40 years old
#I also look 12 so I have to swear up and down that I'm over 18 when I order a drink 💀#I be like “dude I swear I'm not 17. Yes that's my mom over there but that's unrelated”#They don't think that my 20 smth ass should be traveling with my family apparently#It's unfortunate#caspers random things
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Made a. Well it's not a meme. I made an image.
Without the text. ^
I like making MS Paint trackpad drawings of myself. I should do it more.
And to all the antis that follow me or reblog my art and whatnot, you should stop being hypocrites. I understand being uncomfortable with lolisho or fictional incest or fictional murder or sexual furry art, and that is ok. But when you put pro-shippers in your DNI, you say to the world that you are a hypocrite and you don't understand that fiction is not the same as reality. I myself do not have a DNI, as I truly think DNIs are pointless, and I am ok with interacting with people who disagree with me on things. Like, my good pal. Mutual. Whatever. Daniel, is a "tucute" and an "inclus" but I would gladly do illegal substances with him.
What I'm trying to say is. By being an anti, you explicitly endorse harassment. By being and anti and interacting with me, you are going against your own beliefs. The beliefs like- fictional characters matter more than real life victims, and that liking loli porn makes someone a pedophile but liking furry porn doesn't make someone a zoophile for some reason. Even though they're. Literally the same thing in terms of moral value or whatever.
But anyway.
It's like. 4 AM. And I'm tired of seeing people reblog from me or follow me when they support an ideological stance that is extremely harmful to freedom of speech, victims of abuse, and creativity as a whole.
Feel free to continue interacting, as long as you remain respectful, but for your own good, if you're uncomfortable with me being ok with dark fiction and also enjoying dark fiction, maybe at the very least, don't follow me.
#mango man speaks#mango man draws#digital art#digital drawing#ms paint#persona#sona art#shipcourse#anti harassment#proship#profiction#antis are hypocrites#antis are stupid#im also kinda tempted to put a ''dni if under 18'' on my blog.#but i have a lot of opinions about. the age of adulthood. that would negate that.#plus im like. 19. so banning people who are 2 years younger than me from my blog would be. well. dumb as shit.#for the record- i think the age of adulthood should be raised.#because 18 year olds are literally no different from 17 year olds.#make the age of adulthood 20. lower the drinking age to 20.#or. let the 17 year olds legally look at porn. most of their classmates can. why cant they.#18 being the age of adulthood is. literally such bullshit.#you mean to tell me some high schoolers can VOTE? but others cant?#we're letting teenagers participate in our elections?#we're letting teenagers look access hardcore porn?#because of some arbitrary legal shit????#18 year olds can die in combat. but they cant drink alcohol.#18 year olds are HIGH SCHOOLERS.#child marriage is legal in california. mississippi. new mexico. and ohklahoma.#and saudi arabia. south sudan. and yemen. child marriage is also legal.#thats ffucked up.
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#i am mad bc i wweigh 18 pounds less than im used to weighing the last 8 years in my 20s and the last of my teens#i am weak and have no energy#and i barely know what to eat#and my mother is just like#“you should be happy! you couldnt get this light if you tried!”#i'm like... i can't fucking exercise if i had the motivatoon even if mg mental illness allowed#i had the gastritis now and that obviously didnt help but im TRYING TO EAT#BUT MY WHOLE SYSTEM IS FUCKED#ignore me#i mean i generally am always mad at my parents and dont think i will ever be forgiving them so#thslus is just superficial anger
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IN PERSON EVENT LED BY JIN OMG WHY AM I NOT IN KOREA 😭😭😭 AT LEAST THEYLL LIVE STREAM ONE OF THEM JEEZ I FEEL SO LEFT OUT LMAO
yeah they’ll livestream it for army membership holders so it’s literally not accessible for everyone 🙃 I think that’s really shitty of them tbh
#I didn’t renew my membership after it expired so I’d have to pay 20 quid to see him too#sorry for being negative about this#but festa and seeing and hearing him for the first time in 18 months should be free#anon#annie’s mail
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My back hurts so much but did you guys know my birthday is like a week away? Mental.
#luly talks#i tend to forget my age. always. i always forget my age. did you guys know I'm 19 i forgot that.#all i remember is im no longer a teen i just know im an adult. cant believe im only now reaching 20#kinda bullshit btw. that you only get about 18 years of being a kid. i think that shit should last longer idc
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Hey so, uh. If you are wondering what happens if you fail your insight and persuasion checks with Astarion after the battle with Cazador. Maybe.... Maybe don't worry about it ok
#i just did on accident and i stared at the screen for 15 min in silence#it was... a lot... and not fun#on another note i think if youre playing a durge and youve had a good relationship with astarion and resisted the urge i think...#...you should have another persuasion option with a lower dc than fuckin 18-20 just saying haha#astarion#bg3 spoilers#bg3#baldurs gate 3
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lots of discussion of six kings and wta riyadh as if the atp nextgen finals arent in jeddah?
#not that anyone should be blaming those lteral children but its another for the blaming of organizers#actually i think most of the finalists are 18-20 not kids but theyre kids to me#anyways theyve been in jeddah a year and have a contract to be there till 2027#whereas the other two are started this year#sks was a one off and wta is in riyadh till 2026 apparently#tennis
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Was talking abt the Cody Ko situation w friends earlier & what really gets me is that like. When you’re 17 you’re like well there’s not that much of a gap in maturity between 17 & 25 some of us are really mature blah blah. & now even being 3 years from 25 I’m like I can’t even imagine being remotely ok with seeing a 17 yr old at a party filled with people my age. If you are 25 and you see a 17 year old like that I think you’re just sick in the head. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#obviously 17 year olds party I know this from experience but they should not be at a party with adults#let alone hooking up with someone that age. Cody should die but I also think whoever let a 17 yr old come to the party should be ashamed.#like there was a girl who entered college early & hung out with my group of friends when we were all ~19/20#and she was 17/18. and the difference in maturity was insane.
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kind of astounding how innocuous conversations with my younger siblings can make me feel like dogshit... what are the good things about being the oldest kid supposed to be again??
#N posts stuff#two of my siblings are currently in college and they both talk about it in ways that. hm.#my sister did an accelerated program to graduate high school and go to college Early so she's got kind of an...#'i am the most put together teenager on the planet' attitude a lot at the moment. so. she talks shit about her peers like#'if she'd stop spending money on Product and just Grow UP nd get an apartment and move out of her parents' house already'#and she's like. ragging on a kid who's only Maybe 20 years old and i'm sitting at the table at almost 30 still here like '......'#and my brother has been picking my brain lately about the shit i did in college and how the classes benefitted me and all#bc i went to art school for illustration and he's getting a music degree so it makes sense#but he's like 'was college challenging for you?' and i'm like. trying to figure out how to talk around the fact that i didn't necessarily#have trouble with the Classes but was trying really hard to juggle like. being in so much pain i couldn't walk or like..#trying to do homework while in the midst of a psychotic break or having meltdowns in public restaurants like. that kind of stuff#i don't really like talking about that stuff explicitly bc. idk. it doesn't really go anywhere good. not Bad necessarily#or no worse than overhearing my mom talking to them about the validity of my autism DX behind my back at least.#but i don't talk about it. no one really takes me seriously already so. no need to exacerbate that.#i might crack jokes about it in passing but i don't Talk About It. idk what any of them think about like. any of it. or about Me i guess#idk it's weird. it's Weird bc like.. in a very general sense i feel liek i'm Doing Good. not Fantastic but better than i used to.#and like. OK w the day to day of my life; like i could Keep doing it and have A Future even if i still can't figure out what it'd BE exactl#but then idk. sometimes i hear them talk and it feels like it's just. highlighting everything that i Can't do and it just. feels ugly.#like idk where to put it. idk how to reconcile feeling stupid and small for how i live my life with the fact i otherwise feel like#generally pretty Good about my life. i spent my whole life from elementary school to like. 24 thinking i'd be dead by 18.#and it's like Just Recently i'm like 'oh i actually have a Whole Life ahead of me and thats a Good Thing' but.#like idk how to phrase it. i don't feel Bad about it but it's like i guess i'm stuck wondering if i Should be. is it Bad that i'm content?#like i can't ask the question 'is there something wrong with me' in earnest bc Yes there is but. idk#it all feels like puzzle pieces that don't fit together. 'lets see you take a crack at it wise guy' idk what i'm doing or feeling rn lmao
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