#i say while i try not to cry over the end of ep 7

[mistysgardenn]

still can’t get over lilia going “rio IS death” and everyone turning towards agatha while she’s just standing there like 🧍‍♀️

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Thailand is back in charge

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 7 of 12 - There is so much to love about this pair. But one of the things I truly adore is what great communicators they are about what they want & need as friends & as lovers. As boyfriends? Not so much. But the way they can (and do and did) communicate speaks well to their ability to communicate in the future, once they have resolved the inevitable doom the BL gods will reign down upon us over the next 3-4 eps. I guess what I am say is... these two are gonna be awesome husbands.

The break up was sad but inevitable.

Yay for a crying kiss. I do so love a crying kiss! 

Can we talk about the fact that all that tension was worth it?

Excellent kiss all round from GreatInn. Possibly one of the best of the year. Their only issue in winning this category in 2024 is that they're up against OffGun, TayNew, and JimmySea, not to mention BillyBabe... and MosBank coming soon. But I gotta say, for a new pair? Fantastic work boys.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - I literally spent this whole show saying “Oh, Poor Joe!” Which is now the actual name of his character: Poor Joe. He's like the country music sad sack. How much is this narrative gonna keep kicking him while he's down?  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Star Hunter + MosBank + a beloved familiar face? You ready? Let's go. I got a lot to say.

Unexpected supernatural historical paranormal mythological Sign-esk elements happening in our dream sequence opening. I’m not mad about it. But I do think it’s going to be mishandled in the dubious hands of Star Hunter. My BLabies, no matter what else, with Star Hunter we can rest assured there will be chaos and narrative mess. And now, lucky us, there will be a supernatural mess. But at least it will be sexy and high heat.

Honestly, I'm not worried about MosBank and I know what to expect from Star Hunter,. So we're all on the same page.

Meanwhile, enter a cute side couple (normal for this studio). WAIT a second I know that face! That's Tenon of PitchBank fame (side couple, and only good thing about, Golden Blood). I’m sad to see his pair busted, but delighted to see him pop up again in a BL.

Tenon appreciation time: He kisses beautifully everyone, and he is a killer eye-emoter. We are in for a real treat with this actor. (Especially if we get to a place in the narrative where he pines. OH PLEASE MAKE HIM PINE.)

Okay back to the show. I love Tenon but I also LOVE his infiltrating, wicked smart, younger brother character. This role is great for him. I adore an industrial spy. I enjoy a rich boy pretending to be an intern in his family's company (yes it's a trope, just not common in BL). Excellent work Thailand. No notes.

In conclusion?

It’s a cheesy silly office BL and I am enjoying it immensely because I have no expectations. So don't burst my bubble. Star Hunter is bound to do that on its own without tumblr's help.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 11 of 16 - Oh my God they are all so cute! I love the beginning bit when Peem was feeling down and Phum tried to cheer him up. Ridiculously charming. All the sides were super adorbs too. The actual name of this show is "We Are Cute". Meanwhile, Kluen = the only boy in a BL ever to take his unfinished drink with him? I like him even more now. 

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 2 of 12 - New take on the umbrella trope to be trapped under a parasol together. NO SINGING. Honestly? I am not loving this as much as I really wanted to love it. It's the middle of the rankings for good reason. I do like the idea of historical Cinderfella BL though. Why isn't that what I'm watching? The play with in a play is a dangerous trope to deploy, it only distracts my with attractive possibilities. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 10 - I'm gonna try to cycle back to ending this rap-up week on Saturdays, which means the recap for this episode will be in next week's weekly (so to speak). Meanwhile, I am doing a Trash watch on this show. Hopefully that will get updated tomorrow.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 12 - It’s fun enough. Kind of a pulpy lark. Best + Seng = a surprisingly good match.

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - Good kiss from the sides. No surprises there. The main’s kissing was fine too, I guess. I like that they had a genuine struggle with being an idol and not being able to date. It’s nice to see that depicted on screen in a BL. I wish we had a bit more of a montage around the rise & success of Moo's boy group. But I understand the money in play for this kind of show prohibits that. All in all? It’s fine. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - Oof. This ep was painful. So much awkward desperation and confusion. Oh Japan, must you?

Crazy to be in a place and time where there is no other noted non-Thai BLs airing. Not even from Korea. What is going on? Are we in 2020 all over again? Please no.

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing. I've put the search on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down. Also, who knew Frank & Big could kiss like that? Not me.

ARGH could Monster Next Door please just start airing. I am SO tired of waiting for Big to lead out a BL. It should have happened years ago. *grumbles in chronic second lead syndrome*

In case you missed it

Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1 ans was meant to drop yesterday. We thought maybe Gaga, but nothing so far.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution.

As others see us: NuNew's 'Awful' Performance in BABYMONSTER's 'SHEESH' Goes Viral - I don't like BL being noticed by Kpop stans. I flipping LOATHE this song and I'm not wild about Babym. This is all 'round uncomfortable making and I want it to stop.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases Still Coming

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds Gaga) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

6/26 I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) 10 eps - A new series adaptation of beloved yaoi I Hear the Sunspot (first adaptation was feature film Silhouette of Your Voice 2017).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Forget "boyfriends but they don't realize it." These two are married but they don't realize it.

Praise be, he didn't leave his full drink behind. BEST BOY.

It was a great make out sesh.

THAT LIP BITE.

All round excellent ep this week, We Are Cuties.

Top tier flirting banker from the fuck buddies though. Man, their innuendo is on point. And I do mean that point. (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[hughungrybear]

Lyrical essay in the On1y One series

The cicadas in that summer were more noisy than in any other year. The lush branches outside the classroom windows couldn't block the sunshine. The breeze blew through the treetops, and the sun shined brightly. They were so young.

from Episode 1: "He's NOT my brother"

He is like a tree, without happiness or sadness. A part of his body will be sleeping in the earth peacefully; a part will be dancing with the wind joyfully; a part will be providing green shade willingly; and a part will be bathing in the sunshine warmly. So quiet and so proud will he be that he won't have to depend on anyone, or search for anything. (Tian's note: Lyrical essays set the mood without being explicit, like placing an arm around his shoulder to subtly show I've already got him on my side.)

from Episode 2: "Getting close is just lips touching"

Deep into the night, all is silent. I don't know which cicada it is, but it suddenly lets out a long cry. Even though it's late summer, I feel a flutter like it's early spring.

from Episode 4: "The glamorous end of the century"

A young man's heart is unpredictable as June weather, heavy rain pouring and clouds overhead, feeling like it will never end. But when the rain stops, it's all bright again with the sun hanging up high.

From Episode 5: "Closed, as the wind rises..."

The gods take away people's fears. Young men's love is intense and passionate. At that moment, the sunset bathed the winding Tamsui River. Stained-glass windows were outlines in a golden hue, and the feather on the clasp had a glowing edge. Time, like this blessing, feels gentle and everlasting.

From Episode 7: "Belonging. Let's live in the dorm together"

A young man's heartbeat is a midsummer wasteland. It's endless and untamed. When the wind blows, the wild grass stretches out to the horizon.

From Episode 11: "Kissing is just two lips touching?"

Grief is boundless as the setting sun. Eastward I go, where wild winds run. Fallen blossoms turn to mud, nurturing spring's new buds.

From Episode 12: "Sprout. The growing pains of starting over"

Bonus not part of the lyrical writing (usually quoted from Wang, either at the beginning or end of the ep):

There are about seven billion people on Earth, if each person's average lifespan is 80 years, you may encounter 1,000 people per day, and you will meet about 292 million people all your life. The probability of two people meeting is 0.00417. If you like him, and he also likes you, you're the only one for each other. That probability is only 0.0000173...

(Tian on the mathematics of finding The On1y One)

In everyone's life, there will be the very moment, a special one on which your mind lingers. That's the most important memory in your life. Every time you think of it, you will have a special feeling in your heart.

(Wang on memories and special moments)

from Episode 1: "He's NOT my brother"

At that moment, I completely forgot what the English teacher had said about the difference between "up to you" and "down to you". It wasn't until later that I realised when Jiang Tian said those words, my world was already upside down. My world was turned upside down.

from Episode 3: "Actually, we can give it a try"

Venus and Mars are in a 180-degree opposition, creating a powerful and intense attraction. The impossible can be possible. A twist, and it's the glamorous end of the century.

from Episode 4: "The glamorous end of the century"

If there's only one person in the world who can understand you, he is the most important. I just know there's a time for everything. I should go a little wild while I'm young. After all, I'll have decades ahead to play it safe. What's the rush?

From Episode 6: "When will the schedule start?"

Isn't there a saying that when you can drop the pretense and comfortably share both troubles and joys, you'll become friends?

(Tian's thought while looking at Wang)

When I feel abandoned by the world and think nothing I do will make a difference, I forget that someone with no place to call home is still trying so hard for me and giving his all to protect me.

(Wang's thought on Tian while the latter is frantically looking for him)

From Episode 7: "Belonging. Let's live in the dorm together"

A girl's shyness is like a tender cherry under the sunlight...16- and 17-year-olds are like fruits in the morning sun, sparkling.

(Passages read by Wang from the Guide to Lyrical Writing)

It's like something straight out of the Guide to Lyrical Writing. All 16- and 17-year-olds are shining.

(Tian reminiscing as he finally empties his suitcase)

From Episode 8: "16- and 17-year-olds are shining"

The book says that 16- and 17-year-olds are shining. As summer wanes, some cicadas never escape the earth, trapped the whole season. Meanwhile, someone is stuck at midsummer's end, waiting for his one and only.

From Episode 9: "Exposing youth fearlessly"

It's precisely these movements and advancements that broke down walls. And because of these so-called boundaries, we get the chance to enter each other's worlds and understand one another. So, do you think I'm invading your world now, or are you invading mine?

From Episode 10: "Thief. Who is about to cross the line?"

[sailubponbrainrot]

Brat tamer Oab dealing with bratty Wan…….. (nsfw Drabble, minors DNI. CW// degradation, overstimulation, dom/sub dynamics)

A/N: the comment about Wan crying in ep 7 put….. thoughts in my head. Here are said thoughts lmao

Oab has been engrossed while working on a new menu for a few days, brushing Wan off anytime he wants to play because he doesn’t have time (bullshit but Wan put up with it for a solid day before getting annoyed)

When Wan reaches his breaking point he drapes himself across Oab’s back, sliding his hands all over the chefs chest and kissing his neck

Oab shrugs him off and tells wan to let him finish his work, causing the younger man to huff and walk away

Oab doesn’t think much of it, focusing back on the menu he was trying to perfect

Oab continues working before hearing light moans coming from his bedroom

Oab getting pissed because they have an agreement (Wan doesn’t get to get off unless it’s with or with explicit permission from Oab)

Oab stalks to the bedroom and leans against the doorframe, watching as Wan is desperately grinding down with a pillow between his legs, cock red and leaking

Wan opens his eyes and sees Oab standing there but, being the little brat he is, he just continues and whines out that he wants to cum

“Go ahead.” Oab says, shocking wan but he takes the permission at face value and crumbles, dirtying the pillow between his legs with his eyes fixed on Oab

Once he’s come down from his high wan stays still while catching his breath, waiting for what oab would do

Oab stays silent and just walks over to the closet, pulling out a pair of handcuffs wan is very familiar with already

“You need to cum that bad ?” Oab says while walking back over, “you know the rules. Selfish sluts get punished.”

Wan whimpers but puts his hands behind his back, letting oab cuff his wrists

Oab leaves wan straddling the dirty pillow and goes back to the closet to get a small vibrator he can attach to wan’s cock, positioning it right under the head

Oab grabs wan by the chin, forcing him to look up “I’m going to leave you here while I finish my work. Since you needed to cum so bad I’m going to let you. Do you understand, pup ?”

Wan nods but oab just grips his chin tighter. “Words, baby. What’s your color.”

“Green” wan chokes out, somehow already hard again just from the power oab exudes when he’s like this

Oab takes the opportunity to turn the vibrator on, forcing a moan out of the boy in front of him.

Oab releases wans chin and walks out of the room to grab his laptop (causing wan to panic a bit because he thinks oab is actually just gonna leave him there, something they’ve never done before)

Oab walks back in to see wan tearing up and he smirks, sitting in the chair across from the bed and going back to work

Wan relaxes into the pleasure once oab is back in the room, moaning and rocking against the pillow

Wan cums 3 more times and is fully sobbing by the end of it, begging Oab to turn off the vibrator before the man finally shuts his laptop and makes his way over to the bed

“Have you learned your lesson, pup ?” Oab asks, hand coming down to press the vibrator more firmly against wans cock

“Y-yes” wan sobs out, body shaking and hips rutting up into oabs hand

Oab chuckles darkly before bringing his hand down further and begins stroking Wan “one more, baby, you can do it.”

Wan absolutely wails at that, getting pushed over the edge one last time. Said orgasm is right on the sweet spot of painful but still pleasurable

Oab is quick to turn the vibrator off and unlock the cuffs, allowing the boy to crumble into his arms as he rubs his back and whispers praises in his ear

Oab lays them down (chucking the ruined pillow onto the floor and deeming that a problem for the future) and continues comforting wan until he’s calmed down

“Are you okay, baby ?” Oab asks, a little worried he pushed wan too far

“More than okay” wan sighs out, snuggling further into oabs chest, “just…. felt a little neglected.”

Oabs heart breaks at that and he hugs wan tighter. They talk about it after wan takes a shower and spend the night fucking soft and slow, oab making sure wan knows he loves him

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want to read more ? Here’s my masterlist

[kawaiibunnora]

Top 10 Game Changer Episodes

In lieu of the recent WatchMojo video, Top 10 Best Game Changer Episodes, I feel like making my own top 10 Game Changer eps in spite of them. (fyi I will be grouping any repeating episodes into one unit. Ex: Sam Says, Sam Says 2, and Sam Says 3 would all count for "Sam Says")

10. Bingo The reason this episode makes it into my person top 10 is because of how many times I was caught off guard. The plot twist AFTER the plot twist made this episode such a fun watch. Also I love seeing the cast torture Brennan by making him "defend" Elon Musk /lh

9. Deja vu Everybody do the Wenis! The Wenis is a dance. Everybody is a genius who knows it in advance! This episode has such a great cast and the reoccurring bits were so fun. I loved how they started bribing Brian to stay quiet, and I'm personally just a huge sucker for time loops (one of my favorite games is In Stars and Time)

8. Yes or No Do I even need to explain this one? Just go watch the clip if you dont know why this is here. Look up "Brennan Lee Mulligan monologue" and you'll understand why this episode is in the top 10. The only reason the episode isnt any higher is because the bulk of the episode is pretty forgettable.

7. Second Place Another Brennan monologue!!! Honestly, If Brennan stares into the camera and monologues for a solid minute or two, that episode is guaranteed to be in the top 10, but, what puts this episode above Yes or No is the episode itself. The cast is so full of life and passion, and Brennan's consistent philosophy throughout the whole episode makes it one of the greats.

6. Don't Cry I have been a Dropout member for 2-ish years now. When I first became a member, I binge-watched all of Game Changer. Or at least I thought I did. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I saw someone mention Don't Cry and I had no idea what episode it was. So I went back, watched the episode, and was in tears by the end of it. Not only is the episode a beautiful gesture for an amazing writer and comedian, but every word spoken felt genuine, which made the entire episode so much more impactful.

5. A Game Most Changed Every single Dropout cast member is extremely talented, but not once have I seen an improve show as breathtaking and skillful as A Game Most Changed. The amount of skill and talent that is required to improvise an entire Shakespearean play while being thrown those curveballs- the insane coordination between the three actors, with each setting the others up for points. Despite playing for points, the cast frequently set up the others to succeed, favoring storytelling over winning. Absolutely beautiful.

4. Escape The Backroom Pure, unadulterated entertainment. Watching 3 grown adults go ape shit trying to solve puzzles and escape an escape room while unsubtly threatening their captor. Brennan, Lou, and Siobhan have such good chemistry as a team, leading to some of my all-time favorite Game Changer clips. The creation of an entire story for the escape room was inspired, and Sam's switch at the end was just the cherry on top.

3. Sam Says Whenever I have a friend over and I want to show them one Game Changer episode to represent EVERYTHING that Game Changer can be, I show them Sam Says. Each episode has an amazing cast that bounces off each other, and each episode continues to surprise and delight me. Personally, I think Sam Says 2 is the best, but all 3 are fun, high-energy, and insane. Perfect for comedy television.

2. Survivor The tension. The trust. The drama. The betrayal. And, most importantly, the funnies. These episodes have it all and more! In a game where relationships ARE the game, we, as the audience, get invested in each player. And as Brennan seemingly schemes and plots his way to victory, Lou manages to rival Brennan and best him in a game of trust and loyalty. Survivor truly shows what Game Changer can be, and as we see in later seasons, the show keeps evolving from there.

1. Make Some Noise Season 1, Episode 2. SEASON 1, EPISODE 2. Clipped so much that it got it's own show which is now clipped even more. The reason many people sign up for Dropout (and for good reason), this episode puts 3 of the most talented comedians in a space to just be funny. These episodes not only contain some of the best Game Changer moments, but they contain the best Dropout moments, the best impressions, and the best jokes I've ever heard. It's no wonder that these episodes got spun-off into its own show, which is now one of the primary advertisements for Dropout in the form of YT shorts. Brennan, Zac, and Josh are all so talented in drastically different ways, and by putting all three together, something magical happens. Make Some Noise is the gateway into all of the amazing content on Dropout. It is the best episode of Game Changer without a doubt. Season 1, Episode 2, Game Changer, Dropout.tv.

[wolfpoets]

also my Take on these two episodes ... yes, time is moving so fast. it is a shame that they only got eight episodes to cover SO much ground. do i still think the show is handling that crunch well? YES. because here's the thing - the groundwork has already been laid.

did stede get over murdering Torture Kink Guy quick? yes - because stede has already come to terms with being a murderer in season one (and stede already has a lack of empathy for people he deems monsters - i.e 'do you feel badly that [badminton] is dead?' 'no!'). and stede has already committed himself to his crew and family - why he lashes out so terribly at the end of ep 7, because not only has ed dumped him, but now members of his crew want to leave him, too.

is izzy speedrunning his character arc? yes, but again - you have to realize that season one izzy is dead. he died when izzy told edward to clean up his own mess and then shot himself. izzy crying in the hold of the red flag is izzy mourning himself, and blackbeard, and everything he's done in the name of being blackbeard's loyal dog.

and like. the thing about izzy is that he bases his entire identity off of his Role in life. and his role in life now is to protect stede and his crew. this also means being whatever the crew - or stede - needs him to be. if the crew needs him to be their therapist, he'll be their therapist (god help them all). if the crew needs him to dress up and participate in their parties, he'll dress up. izzy does not exist unless he is wanted, and whatever he is wanted to be is what he will be.

(there's a lot i could say about stede's izzy hands being so much happier and well adjusted than blackbeard's izzy hands, but that's A Different Post.)

and i also think that the timeline works for a lot of characterization purposes - all of these characters are suffering from PTSD now, but because life goes on, with or without you? they're all just trying to strong arm their way through it. the revenge is a safe place, but it's still a floating pirate ship, and they still have to deal with the outside world - which loves to pile more trauma and stress onto you while you're already down. this leads to a lot of bad decisions, and drama, and hurt feelings.

so like, yeah ... i really wish we could have had a twelve or even fourteen episode season. it would've been perfect. but i am still blown away by everything that has been accomplished in so short of a time. even whilst being a bit rushed, this is still one of the best seasons of tv i've ever watched. and i have all the faith in the writers that they're going to bring us home in episode eight.

[stormyoceans]

i didn't mean to scare you, but i'm definitely not going to give up brainrot in the next 5 weeks. i even found a little brainrot in cherry magic, but that was for the "total nerd". i really enjoyed ep 6, but i'm not sure i'll be able to watch it again anytime soon. it was TOO TOO much, yk. cheeks! interrupted kiss! you're right as always, monica! i think that no one even doubts that puen and talay are looking for eo in another universe, bcs this is too much. like p'aof called p'x and they discussed over a cup of coffee which moments from vice versa should be added to the series. they filmed the proposal scene almost identically! there are neat pink bushes in the background, and mork gets down on one knee. the only thing missing is a sunflower and a fucking lays. i died already at this moment, my soft brain refused to function. i'm sure you do too. it also seems to me that something lies on the surface, but we don’t see it. 'you're gonna leave me soon' you said this and i remembered that scene with the hands near the gate of the tun's house in ep 7. 'the crossing the line' this sounds like a conspiracy theory, but what about an hourglass in which sand moves up and down as if btw universes? ok, my brain is all pink, full of cotton candy, soaked in oishi. i'm happy you watched it live again. and i'm touched that you look forward to my crazy posts every week. see you in ep 8. fandee na.

you don't have to apologize, pinkybrain!!!!! im just an overworrier by nature ;;;;;; and while i hope you do know that i look forward to your vice versa brainrot messages as much as i do to the last twilight episodes themselves, i don't want you to ever feel obligated to write to me. i AM really happy that we're still gonna lose our minds over parallels together for the next 5 weeks tho!!!!!!!! (THIS SHOW IS GOING WAY TOO FAST HOW ARE WE ALREADY AT THE LAST 5 EPISODES IM GONNA CRY)

okay but since we got p'jojo watching and reacting to ep 6 im gonna need p'x to do that as well before the show ends. i just need him, p'aof and jimmysea in the same room together either admitting they planned all these parallels or trying to bullshit their way through the episode without mentioning vice versa once but just going like 'this scene feels familiar'. SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT HAPPEN

ALSO YOU'RE SOOOOOO RIGHT THAT'S WHY THE "YOU'RE LEAVING ME" FELT SO FAMILIAR IT'S LITERALLY TALAY SAYING IT TO PUEN ALL-OVER AGAIN

AND THE FACT THAT THESE SCENES HAPPEN IN EPISODE 7 FOR BOTH SHOWS AND BOTH PUENTALAY AND MORKDAY ARE WEARING GREEN AND OFF-WHITE.....

COINCIDENCE??????? I DO NOT THINK SO

[tachosnachos]

Singles inferno 3

Girls Review

based on how much i like them and their personality, not looks

Gyuri: 4/10 turn off after ep 10

-i know i may be harsh with this rank but i’m so mad at her rn

-Gyuri was up there in rank. I ranked her like 8/10 but she has fallen to 4/10 for me. I thought she was similar to Hajeong, bad ass and keeps it real. There’s still some truth to it but she’s a bit of a hypocrite.

context: I am a ship for minwoo and sieun, gyuri and minkyu

- the fact that she has the audacity to be mad at minwoo for liking another girl who he had a connection while she cozying up with minkyu. Out of no where, picking him and expecting him to choose her after one night. Getting mad at him for leaning towards another girl and “contemplating between two of us” when she did the same to GREEN FLAG MIN KYU. THE NERVE OF YOU. It’s like she can’t fathom the idea that someone was contemplating over her and another girl. Bitch, the fact that you got Min kyu and is contemplating is what’s ridiculous. If you don’t want him, I’ll gladly take him off your hands.

-She was so rude about it too. The way she talked to minwoo and sieun was so demeaning like she knew she’s older. Telling si eun she can’t talk to minwoo when their conversation ended and she’s been hogging minwoo the whole night i swear if you hurt minkyu like that i’ll kick you off the island.

Min Young: 5/10

-Hypocrite. I can understand her wanting to talk to the other guys and not putting her eggs is one basket. But being mad at Jin Seok for looking the other way and being interested in another girl. “wasn’t I obvious about my feelings?” You and Gyuri need a lesson in communication. Use your freaking words. Say you were jealous, say that you figured out you have feelings for him, apologise and say that your set on him. I am so mad. Green Flag men are getting wasted in this season. Get me a plane, I’ll take them off the island myself. Redeemed herself towards the end becauseI have to admit their chemistry is cute.

Ha Jeong 7/10

Bad Bitch level 10. She says it how it is. Honest to the T. Tells you how it is and how it should be. Only problem? She backs down to Gwang Hee. I- omg girl you’re hot, smart and intelligent. Why are you dumbing yourself down for a man child like Gwang Hee. Honestly on god, I get so frustrated. I can’t take when she dumbs herself down, apologies when she’s not at fault and let’s herself get gaslit by someone who insults her, berates her and is down-right disrespectful. I literally wanted her to go with Jin Seok because they were so funny together. Why is Gwang Hee so popular?

Hye Seon 8/10

She is the more tamed version of Ha Jeong. Very intelligent and crafty. I feel she is very good at noting cues when a guy is trying to twist the narrative or make her do something, and she’s very smart about it. She’s very classy and something about her is alluring. But again, WHY ARE YOU BACKING DOWN FOR GWANG HEE. She knows her worth, she knows she confident so WHY. WHY GWANG HER GOD DAMMIT.

Si Eun 7/10

Poster child for elegance. Sweet and Beautiful. I feel like there’s more to her but she’s the quiet type and there wasn’t enough screen time for her. Though I wish she would be more up-front with setting boundaries and being honest with her feelings. The amount of times I wanted her to just tell Won Ik the truth, and the fact that Won ik could read between the lines but was still being pushy with his feelings just cause she’s a nice person. Though her scenes with minwoo is just so adorable, the way she blushes at him just i can’t. Was a 6/10 but is so cute with minwoo, i gave her more points.

Min Ji 2/10

Fake af. This girl honest to god. She played my man Jin Seok and acted like he was going to be her pick, while also saying the same thing to Gwang Hee. Crying everytimes things didn’t go her way. I have no idea why she used a purple tutu to sleep but whatever. I feel like the whole time she was acting. Red flag with neon lights. I could care less about gwan hee being mad at her but like have some decency and respect for his date. Why you trying to flirt with him in front of her. “Min kyu and I would just have fun in paradise” has it ever crossed your mind that maybe he wants to stay in inferno because there’s a girl he likes there?

[for-dramas-sake]

The Starry Love ep 25, 26 thoughts

YOUQIN IS BACK. I don't need to say anything else...JUST KIDDING.

Fair warning though: Most of this LONG post is fawning over Youqin. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The beginning of ep 25 made me so tense. Girl, just tell them before things escalate--too late.

Gotta hand it to Qingheng. He knows how to end things with a bang! (evil smile) I love this.

MY EMOTIONS! This is the beginning of the end of the soul shard arc and I'm conflicted. I love these 3 and my heart breaks when they learn the truth. But then Youqin is going to come back. Let's get through these tears, guys! (reaches for a tissue)

Chaofeng and Qingkui really should just run away and start a family away from the Void realm. They could have the happy ending they freaking need. I can see that happening! Let's make it reality. P.s. Bring Haichou

Every time that guy with a moustache shows up: Aren't you supposed to be dead? Was that explained earlier?

The two baby-faced Immortals show up and this their backup? No. The true backup is the soul shards! 3 men protecting their woman? That's romantic.

Once again Youqin is doing a selfless sacrifice: his soul shards give up themselves for her. This getting to be a very bad habit!

Youqin is coming back!!!!!!! My Immortal Turtle! He's got the same deadpan expression and he's still powerful. Phew!

Dingyun just died? I didn't expect that moment of sacrifice from someone like him.

I am legit, no lie, crying. Those 3 saying goodbye breaks my heart. Excuse me a moment while I sob in the corner.

Yay…Youqin has no emotions! The Immortal Realm will be rejoicing tonight. Bring out the wine.

Between you and me, the turtle DEFINITELY has his emotions and he's in love with her. Those eyes don't lie. And Yetan is in love with him no doubt.

I never liked the Immortal Emperor. It was his constant constipation face that irked me and that fact that he's willing to throw his son to the Guixu because "he's earned it".

I knew he remembered everything, and he knows Yetan's true identity. I'm just an emotional mess right now!

Admittedly I put off any attachment to Chaofeng and Qingkui because Youqin was coming back, but now that he is back, I can say: the Void couple are super cute. I wish them happiness no matter short it is.

Short complaint: Heavenly/Immortal clothes are boring as hell. It's just pastels and various shades of white. They do this all the time with fantasy dramas. (shakes head) Come on, let's do something different. But this clothes-changing-scene is adorable. Poor dragonfly guy, he can never win.

(gasps) The hugs! My heart is rollercoaster: first, the tears now the heart palpitations from the adorableness radiating off the Immortal couple! And he's Immortal Turtle, but out his shell. (I will keep this analogy up for as long as I darn well, please. And yes, I wish I could have thought of turtle references for Foxy and Greed, but I couldn't.)

It's going to be impossible for our lovebirds to keep their dates a secret. Youqin is doing a terrible job at keeping his emotions in check, now that he has them. And Yetan has literally never been doted on, so you know she loves this.

I totally see the 3 shards in the new Youqin. He's a mixture of all 3 and still has some traces of the old turtle. Again, Chen Xingxu does a phenomenal job playing so many different characters.

The Void Queen is going after Chaofeng and the Void gang. Haichou is trying to do the right thing by keeping all news from his friend, but Chaofeng is still the little schemer. I bet he'll sneak out and draw the army away from Qingkui or something like that.

Here are the links to my thoughts on previous episodes:

23, 24 / 21, 22 / 19, 20 / 17,18 / 15,16 / 13,14 / 11, 12 / 9, 10 / 7, 8 / 5, 6��/ 3, 4 / 1, 2

[saturn-sends-hugs]

ok

i had to wait ALL DAY TO BE ABLE TO WATCH THE EPISODES, but i FINALLY DID

BAD BATCH EP 7-8 SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

starting with episode seven:

First off, RIYO!!! SHE ABSOLUTELY SLAYED, the way she literally went to 79’s (also AAAA 79S!!!) specifically so she could actually talk to the clones is so so important, she is incredible

Slip was so wonderful, the parallels of him at 79s and then running through Coruscant while scared for his life were very painful tho (also his number was ct-0409 and that’s literally irrelevant but like COME ON ITS ONE NUMBER OFF I COULDN’T NOT NOTICE THAT)

Bail Organa!!! He’s here and he’s so so good!!

REXXXXX!!!!!!!!!! Omg when I heard his voice on the comm I FREAKED out and then he had his silly little disguise again and that was so so sweet

The sniper clone that Rampart sent after them was so sad to see, it reminds me of how Cody’s chip clearly wore off, but he still believes he did certain things of his own volition (i.e. “We make our own choices. And we have to live with them too.”). It seems like a lot of clones don’t know what exactly they’re fighting for anymore, and the empire is just not helping at all ofc

Ok and uh… now episode eight… these are just gonna be mostly episode thoughts cause the whole Echo thing,,, that deserves its own post

Starting off, still not over that beginning. Echo IMMEDIATELY getting not just multiple lines, but lines about his TRAUMA, and he’s actually OPENING UP ABOUT IT TO OMEGA???!???!??? “I… don’t enjoy solitude.” LIKE???? OMG??? The pain, the absolute agony, that line has me in a death grip and you bet ur ass that’s ending up in a fic sometime bhskshsjsjksks

His conversation there with Omega makes me think he’d already decided here. When Omega asks if the batch rescuing him is what made him join them, he says, “This is where I fit, where I was needed.” He seems like he already knows that’s changed now

okoKOK, OMEGAS. PONCHO. OMEGAS PONCHO OMGGGSJBSJSBSJSKSLLS SHE WAS SO SO ADORABLE!!! I’ve loved seeing her in situations without the batch, it’s nice to be reminded of how determined she always is even without her brothers right next to her :) (also, really liked how this episode didn’t take her out of the action, but removed her from the fighting so the rest of them could kinda breathe without the story focusing solely on her here)

We had a lot of very long Echo shots + lines during the mission, and that immediately scared me. Rex and his conversation here has me wondering though. Because it seems like either he already talked to Rex about it, since Rex seems to be almost bringing Echo up to speed on what exactly he’s doing, or that Echo is at least really solidifying his decision here, because after Rex’s line of “Help’s hard to come by these days,” Echo looks down and just thinks for a good long time, even after Wrecker calls down to them.

oh my GOD i might make a separate post just about this and other Echo stuff but UM???? When he just took control of the venator, diverted the power, MANNED THE CANONS AND MANAGED TO SHOOT DOWN THE SHIPS HEADED FOR THEM, and then activated the engines to make it harder for the stormtroopers??? Dude???? He can just do all of that?? By himself??? No wonder he wants to fight the Empire, HE COULD LITERALLY BE SO POWERFUL

oh. my. gOD PALPATINE I HATE HIM OH I HATE HIM SO MUCH. THE ABSOLUTE FEAR I FELT WHEN HE SHOWED UP, AND THEN HE JUST SHIFTED THE BLAME ENTIRELY TO GET EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED AND BROUGHT THE CLONES INTO IT AT THE SAME TIME??? i very much so hate him.

And ofc, I felt so bad for Omega afterwards when she said “I don’t understand. We did the right thing.” :((((((

ok.

here we go

tagging @phis-writing since u wanted my thoughts lol

first off, Hunters line here. “Wherever you end up, remember what I said.” …wHAT??? WHAT DID YOU SAY I NEED TO KNOW SIR WHAT

omega slowly realizing omg ow

“Best of luck, Echo” ow ow ow omg ow help this is where i started crying

Echo looks so sad trying to tell Omega why he’s leaving, and I get why he didn’t tell her before no matter how long his mind had been made up for, but omg, that hurt so bad. “I’m going where i’m needed.” yup yup there it is, that parallels his lines from the start ow

and tHEN. she hUGS HIM. i can’t hANDLE THIS OMG that was so important

damn it im watching it again while writing this and the music has me sobbing again i cANT, him watching the marauder fly off and then OMEGA HUGGING LULA i actually can’t

I knew Echo was going to leave. Logically, I knew it was going to happen and that it was his best option, he wants to fight the Empire and save his brothers, and that’s just not something the rest of the batch wants to take the risk for. I knew he was leaving, and even though I definitely tried to see every possible way he wouldn’t, I don’t mind it.

Don’t get me wrong, I hate that it might mean he’s getting way less screen time, and I kinda hate that he’s not gonna be there to spur the batch into action anymore, but for his sake I am so so glad he went with Rex. His entire life he’s grown up surrounded by brothers, and the batch has proven time and time again how differently they feel about that. Now, Echos just been sitting back for way too long, and I honestly love the way they had him leave.

There was no fighting, there was no long argument where he said the batch was wrong for not fighting the Empire. He knew they wanted different things, and everyone fully supported him in his decision to step away. He left because that’s where he was needed, to fight for his other family. (Not to mention he would be an INCREDIBLE benefit to Rex like did u SEE WHAT HE DID ON THAT VENATOR??? HE TOOK THAT THING DOWN SINGLE HANDEDLY)

I think it makes complete sense that his loyalty and his drive would lead him to join the rebellion, and I’m so incredibly hopeful it means we’ll get a Rex and Echo episode, probably with Riyo too, I’m SO excited

I’m also really hoping Omega will keep thinking of him and what she saw in the senate. Right now it seems like she’s getting more and more interested in standing up to the empire, and I’m interested to see if she’ll eventually bring it up with the batch? I’m not sure she’d convince them to join the rebellion, but I really hope her drive for justice/revenge doesn’t stop here, she’s angry and she deserves to fight for whatever she believes. Echo taught her too much for her not to.

The hood thing is, he’s coming back :)

(right filoni right please please omg tell me he’s coming back pLEASE)

[vyvesvi]

space over! the next one will be after next round (3 weeks from now) hosted by pd101 japan global fanbase

gonna try to summarize points but i missed the first part & definitely don't remember a lot oops

how do people feel about leap high? general consensus- it's a grower

yumeki was disliked but he now has a cult following who think he's camp

more korean influence this season- next round will be in korea & they were in korea lomger this time. s1 & s2 had the same Japanese pds but this szn has new korean pds

jp fanbase is pretty typical - girls around the ages of the contestants & slightly older men

lots of people want ayane in toxic because she sounds like rosé

seems like momona, miu, ran, rino, tsuzumi, etc will be voted into &me. expecting this to cause some storyline drama. stacked group curse?

differences in storyline building across cultures: a lot of repetitive storytelling this season with trainees crying because they feel they can't share their true feelings with their teams and ultimately saying nothing. this could help explain why japanese trainees tend to disappear when they compete in korean shows

more differences: less evil editing. rumors that editors cut conversations about the hate that nakamori mikoto is getting right now. also more drama from the mentors compared to the trainees

what concepts/sounds/songs do we want to see for the final group? depends on the members, but &me is the most population 3rd round preview. (someone said e-girls, big agree from me)

we all miss the mentor sugai hidenori from s1 & s2 lol

there are way more experienced trainees on s3 compared to s1 & s2. some people are happy about this because it means they can do more interesting & challenging performances. host brought up that this is probably because korean companies having japanese trainees was wayyy more rare in/before 2019 compared to now.

don't like how they did the rap songs this time, with already completed songs. in s1 they just gave them a beat and they got to do more performance creation (this season afaik they wrote lyrics but they had to git the rapping in bijin & shut down) (personally havent seem the ep yet so idk tho)

suggestions for future round 1 songs: chao chao by happiness, vocaloid songs, recent akb because they have more kpop style choreo, songs by superfly

thoughts on song selection? it's kinda smart because theyre appealing to distinct groups- younger kpop fans & older jpop fans. cool that all of the popular trainees ended up in jpop songs (seifuku no mannequin and body & soul)

same note: ppl tried to give spoilers for r2 but no one knew run run, since it's really new, in korean and english, & swf isnt very popular in japan. when ppl tried to spoil namie amuro's songs they got them mixed up with other singers (ie, no super old jpop fans in the audience). when speed was called like 3 thirty+ year old women looked excited and no one else knew it

trainees discussed: momona's hair, momoka's husky voice (sukai rise potential?), kokona (below)

kokona had a very hyewon character but in this ep people realized that she can actually sing (someone then compared her to minju). since she's already #6 based largely on visuals, we might see a rank rise for her

do we have too many vocalists in the top? with jo1 (s1) & bonbon girls (chuang 2020) this messes with their line distribution & ability to maximize their skills. host feels that bonbon only shone through ballads since they couldnt dance & had 4/7 main vocals (i half agree - they had 3 members who couldn't hold a note), i feel that jo1's members do great in subunits (especially sho, ren, sukai, & takumi, as evidenced by their performance on the first take). pretty solid comparison although lapone habdles jo1 better than tencent handled bonbon imo. cant fully compare because bonbon only had 2 years full of indiv activity & preplanned music while jo1 is permanent & has had the opportunity to grow

lots of fascinating hair changes for r3. lots of bad extensions

jp fans are very peaceful, but things get downright nasty during the finals. last time there were d34th threats

the final is dec 16, we're happy because this means they purposely avoided jo1's formation date & that'll reduce any fanclash (although jams are very peaceful)

probably sharing this way too late but a couple big produce accounts are doing a twitter space right now! it'll probably end in an hour or so but i hope anyone who wants to join can!

[alaanz]

Late for an eclipse update but I needed time to process all of what was happening. And I think ep 6 is my favourite ep so far.

Everything with Akk and ayan just felt like a natural progression of their relationship. Nothing feels forced or rushed. The writing and acting both make Akk and ayan feel like two actual teenagers that are gradually caring more and more for each other. Even that kiss at the end 🤌. It wasn’t a romantic declaration kiss but it also wasn’t nothing. It was just the next step in their relationship. It was a way for them to ground each other and offer support in the moment. And I LOVED that for them.

The development and deeper look into akk just makes me even more intrigued in his character. Akk is so complex and has so many variables effecting how he acts and how he thinks. He comes from a lower class background and gets a scholarship into a big shot school. Gets bullied for his social background. And then gets “shown the right path” by chadok. I think we’re all in agreement that with each episode suppalo looks more and more like a cult. You can’t make a ring of candles and have some student chant the same thing over and over and not tell me they’re indoctrinating kids into whatever fucked is thing chadok is pulling. We’ve seen with ayan that Akk is very easy to read and manipulate if you wanted to and with him being a lower social and economical class compared to the rest of the school, Akk became an easy target for chadok to get under his control and use for his own benefits.

I’m not saying Akk is excused or anything as he did almost kill some student multiple times (accidentally but still). We know he was just trying to scare them and not actually hurt them but he still took drastic measures to do so. It just makes akks character so much more interesting to me. He’s not as simple as first opinions may assume. And it’s easy to tell that Akk didn’t make these decisions of his own free will, as much as he says he did. When ayan asked him if chadok had told Akk to do these things akk instantly froze up and flat out denied it. He’s so deeply under chadoks control that it’s going to take a lot for akk to make the decision to fight back of his own accord.

That crying scene on the beach just made it so clear about the fact that Akk is just a broken teenager. He puts everyone else first as he’s been told that he’s not important enough to care about himself first. This was the first groundbreaking scene for Akk but it certainly won’t be the last. And as much as ayan was saying that he’d reveal what Akk did to the school, it’s clear that he wouldn’t actually do that to him.

While we made a lot of progress with Akk, ayan once again keeps refusing to tell Akk anything about himself. It’s feels very one sided in the sharing department at the moment with ayan always making Akk tell him what’s going on but whenever Akk asks ayan back he immediately shuts it down. This is clearly from ayans trust issues as he still doesn’t fully trust Akk, as shown with him accusing Akk of stealing his notebook again (the look in akks eyes at this scene made my heart break even more). From the preview of ep 7 it looks like we’ll finally get to see ayan opening up to Akk about himself, maybe not everything, but dika at the least and I’m ready for it.

Kan and thua once again squeezing my heart. This ep was less angsty for them but it’s still always there even if in the background. It looks like kans becoming more and more open to hanging out with thua again and I’m so happy. Even wat noticed it. There’s still so much development needed for them but it’s a step at least. And next ep looks promising. I can tell tho that there’s going to be a scene in a future ep where kans going to get outed and it’s very possible that he’s going to retreat and ending up hurting thua in the process. But I very much hope it’s not as angsty as I can see. Ever the hopeless optimistic.

And for the love of god there better not be a wat and sani romance or I’m going to lose my shit. At the moment it is just a teacher student relationship with sani just helping wat to become more confident in himself and pursue his own career. But ngl there were a few times in the dinner scene that I was questioning what direction gmm was going to take it with them. I don’t think they’d actually do that but it was framed in a romantic way so idk. Maybe we’re just reading into it too much.

We’re halfway through now and getting into the start of Akk and ayans romantic relationship and I’m so excited for their future interactions. But still, I’m dreading the ep that I know will happen where it’ll get revealed that Akk was behind the curse and I have no idea how it’s going to go. Shit will hit the fan that’s for sure, but as to how the characters will react to akk is still up for debate. And I’m not ready for the betrayed looks that I know we’ll see.

Anyway, this is another post of me rambling about anything I can think of with this show. The eclipse officially has taken over my brain and I’m consuming anything I can abt it to scratch the itch. Can’t wait another week again but alas I’ll have to, so until then

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

Sept 2021 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bite Me Ep 4 (Viu & Viki) - people always talk about how much time and patience it takes to make Thai deserts and I think maybe this show is trying to teach us all that life lesson. I’m still loving the quiet pace of it but I’m sure many are finding it dull as dishwater. The leads are good, even though they’re not being given much to work with (script, what script?) they sure seem sweet on each other. 

Don’t Say No Ep 8 (Line) - having decided that this is basically MAME fanficcing all over herself, I decided this week that this show is ALSO a soap opera, and now I don’t mind anything about anything anymore. The recaps continue apace, and I got pun happy and made up some silly BL soap opera titles. 

7 Project Ep 4 (miss-labeled ep 3 on YouTube ) Once Upon A Time (iQiYi & YouTube) - BounPrem showing us why they are one of the most popular Thai acting pairs, they do LTR beautifully. This installment hurt a lot. Too close to home for any queer who has struggled to come out, been/dated a closet case, and/or went for overachievement and perfection in other parts of life to compensate for the perceived “weakness” of being gay. Which is... oh let me guess... why yes: ALL OF US. Mek makes the right call, and we all know it, but it was real hard to watch. While this one felt like the most cohesive vignette in this series, I still felt taxed by it. Honestly, why does Thailand struggle so much with short form when Strongberry can give us an entire cohesive story in two 7 minute installments? Bah, I’m frustrated. 7 Project is upsetting me. I’m having negative feels, okay? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Peach of Time Ep 8, 9 (WeTV & Viki not USA, I’m finding it on DM) - so many BL tropes this time around (hair dry etc) that I have to conclude this show is falling solidly into the BL genre (despite the inevitable ending, remember HEA is not guaranteed with BL). I doubted it at first. Silly me. It really is adorable but quite sad. Did I cry? Yes I did. I have to say YoonOh has grown on me, the actor is really good and it’s a nice contrast to Peach’s softness. (Did you notice Peach uses chan instead of pom with YoonOh? Fascinating.)  I’m starting to pipe dream other combos. Anyone know if Mew or Saint speak Mandarin? Imagine what either one of those boys might get up to in Taiwan... just saying. 

- Friend or Lover (YouTube) Ep 6 - still waiting on the final of this Taiwanese indie series.

Love is Science? (BL sub plot Viki) Ep 14 - still not subbed on Viki so I’ll review it next week. 

Love Is the series (YouTube) Ep 4 - it’s fine for a V-BL, not wowing me but not scaring me by going off the rails the way some have. 

See You After Quarantine? (Viki) Ep 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5 - this Japan/Taiwan crossover BL is set during C19 and is their answer to Gameboys and IT’S GREAT. I’m calling it for Taiwan since it just *feels* more like a Taiwanese piece. It’s truly adorable, light weight, and VERY queer. I adore it. 

The Tasty Florida (Viki) Ep 1 & 2 - Korean BL staring Yoo Hwan of SPEED in an 8 episode run of less than 10 minutes each (we back to Korea being a short arse). Hitting us RIGHT off the bat (TS 1.20) with both a rescue and a crash into me trope. We got us a country mouse foundation and an innocent little floppy-haired cutie with an inclination to voiceover, HaeWon. The 4 rooftop pink-shirts are all different yet perfectly K-pop hot and I’m getting Boys Over Flowers vibes. It’s cool, and very relaxed for a Koren BL (which often feel stiff). More To My Star than Light On Me. I like everything about this show but the perilla oil (I love most vegetables but shiso/perilla leaf, nope.) Also, bonus we got us an out bisexual Harold, thus I predict Second Lead syndrome for me! WEEEEEEE!  

In Case You Missed It

Korean queer studio Strongberry dropped the second chapter of their micro series A First Love Story Ep.2. It’s so so so good. We do not deserve them. 

Chapter of Green is a new Thai BL airing on TikTok (the way that Starhunter one did - what was it called? - Roommates, or something). Anygay I don’t tok the tik so all ya’ll are on your own with this puppy. No MDL listing. Started Sept 17 and drops new eps every Mon, Weds, Fri.

GOSSIP! 

Between Us has supposedly started filming. Tumblr caught fire over Boun posting to his insta (or something) a photo of the Win wings tattoo on his back once again. There was also supposedly a Between Us LIVE on Sept. 21st. Between Us (based on the y-novel Hemp Rope) is the Thai BL follow up to Until We Meet Again. 

GMMTV seems to have also started filming Enchante. This is a little sad because we all though Bad Buddy or Not Me was next, but I’m still excited about this BL and happy to see new leads. 

We might be getting a season 2 of Korean BL To My Star (thanks for the tip, Sarge). This is one of my few 10/10 rated BLs, so it makes me nervous. Why mess with perfection? But I do love this pair. So, yes please but also DON’T FUCK IT UP. 

There is a new Laotian BL coming called 7 Days 7 Boys, it will be on Tara Academy’s YouTube channel. 

KinnPorsche more info. 

New Japanese BL coming too: Vanishing My First Love AKA Kieta Hatsukoi (also The First Love That Disappeared, My Love Mix-Up! look Japanese BL does this with titles). This is adapted of a manga and features a bisexual main character with a male/male\female love triangle (not sure if it’s real or faen fatale). Starts airing October 9 on TV Asahi, but it has not yet been picked up for international distribution. (If it doesn’t we will have to wait for indie subs... makes big pleading eyes at Mitch of irozuku.org) LOOK AT THE PRETTY: 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International subs accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

This week’s best moments?

[lovely-ateez]

Broken Strings~

ꕥPosted: 7/20/21

ꕥGenre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, College!au, Rockstar!au

ꕥPairing: Fem!Reader x Rockstar!Yunho

ꕥWord Count: 10k+

ꕥWarnings (please read all!!): Yunho’s ex is an absolute asshat, death threats towards both Yunho and reader, mention of knives used as weapons, San is a bisexual king (happy late pride month), unprotected pool sex/public sex (no one is around but I guess it still counts), masturbation (f), foul language, mentions of alcohol intake, reader is mentioned to have dark brown eyes several times which you can just ignore if you have different colored eyes ofc, mentions of a restraining order against an ex, please let me know if I missed something!!

ꕥTag List: @cappujinho @bobateastay @nevieatiny 

ꕥA/N: The song lyrics are ones that I wrote myself specifically for this au and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous about posting it. I know there isn’t any tune or anything, but hopefully it sounds like a real song someone might sing. Also I’m not writing angst for a while after this holy shit I’ve been crying too much over this I’m emotional okay

“Date night! Date night! Date night!” I grabbed my boyfriend’s arm, bouncing on my toes.

Yunho raised a hand to cover his ear, scrunching his face, “Babe, I love you, but I think you’ve deafened me.”

I pouted at his tone and crossed my arms, “You’re such a grump.”

“Oh whatever.” He smiled, “You ready?”

I smiled at him and nodded.

Ever since his band, Sidekick Heart, began to pick up traction, he had less free time and our full-day dates once a week soon became date nights every few weeks. Most of his time was spent writing songs, producing them, and practicing endlessly. The fact that he had a tour coming up soon just meant he had even less spare time. I was happy for him, of course, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment that he was leaving.

In middle school, he and three of his friends formed a band for fun, which they kept with all throughout high school. They got good, really good and almost right after they graduated they were signed by a label. Now, three years later, they’d already released two albums and one EP and earned enough money to make a living, which was why Yunho dropped out of college a month ago. Since he had steady career path, he saw no reason to continue and decided to focus on music. He still visited me at college whenever he got the chance, but his visits were becoming more and more sporadic.

We started dating freshman year of college. We had our difficulties as most couples do, but everyday I thanked the stars for pairing us together. I met him on the first day of French class, a day I know I could never forget, no matter how how our future played out.

I sat my backpack on the table in front of me, looking around the empty classroom. I was ten minutes early, so I wasn’t surprised about the lack of students. It was a bit unlikely for me to be so early, but I wasn’t able to sleep the night before and so I had extra time to get ready. With nothing else to do, I took out my phone, reading some missed text messages.

I heard the door open and my head tilted upwards, meeting eyes with a fluffy-haired brunet. He shyly smiled at me and I returned the gesture. The man took a seat in the front row across from me, only a few chairs in between us. I found it cute that he liked to sit in the front of the classroom, too. Very few people did. He turned away from me to place his backpack on the floor and take out a few books. I took the opportunity to look at him. He was attractive, for sure. His short sleeved solid black shirt followed his movements, tattoos peaking through his top. The shirt itself tucked was into ripped jeans, his black shoes matching the outfit, along with various accoutrements. His look was uncommon for college students, most just wore sweatpants with with a casual shirt. I thanked myself for dressing nice that day.

I tilted my head to get a better look at his side profile. He was so handsome that I seemed to forget I was staring. I couldn’t help but get caught up in him, not realizing that I was no longer being subtle.

He spoke without moving to face me, “You’re pretty cute, too.”

“I-I what?” My eyes widened, realizing I’d been caught.

He turned, a charming smile on his face, “You aren’t exactly discreet.”

I took a breath, trying to form a coherent sentence, “Well...can you blame me?”

He pursed his lips, trying to hide a smile, “I appreciate the compliment. What’s your name?”

I hesitated before answering him, which brought a full smile to his face. He moved closer to me before holding out his hand for me to shake. I grabbed his hand and shook it, trying to keep my hands steady. His hand was soft, clearly he took care of himself.

“I’m Yunho.”

I smiled, observing the way he lit up as he turned my hand, placing a delicate kiss on my skin. I felt my face heat up and averted my eyes. Yunho chuckled as he released my hand. Both of us looked up at the sound of the door opening, a group of students entered, followed by a lady who I presumed to be the teacher.

Yunho looked at me, “Meet me after class?”

I nodded, biting my lip as I felt excitement build in my stomach, wanting nothing more than for class to end as soon as possible.

The instant the teacher ended her lecture she left with the rest of the students, who were talking among themselves. My eyes flickered to Yunho to find him looking back at me, his backpack now thrown over his shoulders.

“You have any classes after this?” He asked in a nonchalant manner. Later he confessed to me that he was far more nervous than he appeared, claiming that he fell in love with me at first sight.

I finished placing my notebook in my bag, zipping it up and putting the straps over my arms, “Yeah, unfortunately. I’ve got World Politics in ten minutes.” 

“Aww damn. I was hoping we could grab some food.” He reached into his pants’ pocket, pulling out his phone, “Maybe I could get your number instead and we could meet up later?” He wasn’t pushy or demanding, simply asking.

I nodded quickly, “I’d like that, Yunho.”

He suddenly became more shy, the tips of his ears dusting a beautiful shade of pink, “I like the way you say my name.”

I giggled, trying to hide my own shyness. I took his phone and entered my number, really hoping that he would text me. As if he read my mind, he confirmed what I was thinking.

“I’ll text you,” He looked at me with sparkling eyes before shaking his head, like he was pulled back to reality, “Oh uh...you should probably get to class.“ He raised a hand, somewhat awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah I probably should. I’ll see you around?”

He smiled, “I’ll see ya.”

-

It wasn’t long before he texted me, and it made my heart flutter that he kept his word. A day later we met up, grabbing ice cream and getting to know each other. He was a dance major and had to practically beg his parents to let him pursue dance. In return they said he had to repay them with getting straight A’s. He had one younger brother who was possibly the biggest baseball fan to ever exist, he roomed with three men he’d been friends with since kindergarten, and he absolutely adored my brown eyes.

“They’re just beautiful.” Yunho gushed, “Both times I’ve seen you they just sparkle and shine like they’ve got their own little galaxies in them. I’ve never seen anyone with such genuine, kind eyes.”

I let out a girly laugh at the compliment and covered my mouth with a hand, “You’re really trying to flatter me, aren’t you?”

“Depends. Is it working?” He laughed as he propped his head on one of his hands, leaning closer to me in the booth we were sitting in. We’d finished our ice cream long ago, now shamelessly flirting and getting lost in each other.

“It might be.”

“Well I do mean it. I’m not only trying to flatter you.”

The ringing of his phone caught our attention. He smiled apologetically and reached for the device. He sighed, reading the contact name and looking back up at me.

“I’m sorry I’ve gotta take this. It’s one of my roommates and it’s entirely possible they’ve set the house on fire.”

I laughed, “It’s okay, go ahead.”

Yunho excused himself as he answered the call, walking outside. I took a look around the shop we were in, smiling at all the decorations when I noticed a woman sitting alone, eating ice cream and staring at me. Her eyes were such an ice blue that they made her intimidating, to say the least. I wasn’t too surprised, I’d dressed nice and all throughout the day I’d been getting looks. Taking it as a compliment I smiled at her and waited for Yunho to return.

“So good news,” He started as he sat back down in the booth, running a hand through his hair, which was way more attractive than it should’ve been, “They haven’t burnt down the apartment, but San—he’s one of my roommates—his car ran out of gas a few miles away from here so I’ve gotta go help him. Can I drive you back to your own apartment first?”

“Oh no, I don’t want to worry you.” I waved a hand, “I can have a friend pick me up.”

He nodded, “If you’re more comfortable with that, sure, but I’d rather drive you home, if that’s okay.”

I nodded, walking with him as he guided me out to his car. We had our first kiss when he dropped me off, leaving me with the promise of another date, and he delivered. Time and time again he proved he truly cared about me, which inevitably led to a relationship.

We heard a loud crashing in the basement of the house and Yunho let out a frustrated groan, “Oh god it’s happening again.”

He walked over to the basement door, opening it and sighing at the loud yells emitting from below.

“What is it this time?” Yunho shouted.

Wooyoung’s voice rung out, “San won’t let me use the controller!”

The man in front of me placed a hand over his eyes, over the situation entirely, “You’re still fighting over that game?”

“Crash Bandicoot waits for no man!”

“San let him have the controller or I’ll come down there and I’ll beat both of your asses!” Yunho shut the door, giving me a tired smile and walking back to me, “You’d think we would’ve outgrown this stage by now. I’d fire them both and hire a new bassist and drummer if I could.”

“Okay that’s an absolute lie, and you say that like you’re any better. I saw you arguing with Seonghwa over the last bag of chips yesterday.”

He pointed a finger at me, not trying to hide the smile on his face, “Okay that was absolutely valid. I bought those and they were mine.”

I smirked. “My point still stands.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, changing the subject, “How about after our date I sing you a couple of our new songs?” He leaned closer, his lips barely grazing my ear, “I wrote a few about you.”

I pulled back from him, feeling warmth spread in my chest. “Really? You did?”

Yunho wrapped an arm around my waist, “How could I not? You’re always my inspiration.”

I let out a string of incoherent gibberish which prompted the most adorable eye smiles from my boyfriend. I felt too honored to put my emotions into words.

“Go on.” Yunho motioned to the front door, “Grab your purse and head out to my car. I’ll let the guys know we’re going and I’ll meet you outside.”

I gave him a salute, “You got it cap’n!”

His eyes warmed, “God, I love you.”

“I know!” I teased before I grabbed my purse and skipped out of the house. The sun would be setting soon and I admired the several hues that were painted within the sky. I sat on the hood of his car, swinging my feet as I saw him walk out of the house.

“So where exactly are we going?” I tilted my head, looking forward to his response.

“Well I’ve got a couple ideas.” He held up his long fingers and counted off on them, “We could go bowling, or we could have a late night picnic, or maybe...” He moved closer, placing his hands on either side of me with a mischievous grin, “We could go swimming.”

My face lit up, “I haven’t been swimming in forever!”

“I know, that’s why I recommended it.” He laughed, “Let’s break into the swimming pool downtown. It’s definitely closed by now so we can be alone.”

I raised my brows at his words, a smile widening on my face, “Don’t we need to bring swimsuits, though?”

Yunho grinned at me and moved a hand to ruffle my hair, “Nope. We’re going without ‘em.” He lifted me off his car, “Hop in, babe.”

-

We approached the fence with our hands interlocked, a new message greeting us. A red and black sign with the words ‘No Trespassing’ was attached haphazardly to one of the metal wires looped through the fence surrounding the pool.

Yunho tsked, “Aw that’s cute. Like that’s gonna keep us out. This is basically our pool anyways.” 

I laughed, both of us knowing full well there was no method of security beyond the sign and fence. The pool had never installed security cameras and after word spread that the owner had a fear of advancing technology, we had no worry of being caught.

He cupped his hands, holding them out for me to step on. I placed my foot on his hands as he lifted me up, helping me scale the fence. I stepped back, feeling a thrill as Yunho jumped over. It was probably the fourth or fifth time we’d done this, but each time was just as exciting. We walked over to the edge of the pool, its light blue water and the dark blue of the sunset opposing one another but making a beautiful visual.

“Alright, off we go.” Yunho’s fingers danced to the hem of my shirt, then pulling it off and ridding me of the layer of clothing. He pressed several kisses to the exposed skin, making me shiver.

Yunho then pulled back from me, slowly removing his shirt and giving me a teasing look when he caught me staring at his abs, “I look good, don’t I?”

“Shut up,” I laughed, lightly slapping his strong, tattooed arm before removing my skirt, enjoying the way my boyfriend’s eyes devoured me. I returned the action when I saw him remove his jeans, something he was clearly enjoying as well.

I turned back to the pool only to be thrown over Yunho’s shoulders. He let out a string of laughs as I struggled to get down, fearing that he would throw me into the water.

“If you throw me into the pool I’ll kill you!” I laughed, squirming on his shoulders.

“No...I would never do something like that.” I wasn’t even facing him, but I could hear the smile in his voice, which was my only indication that he was about to throw me into pool.

Before I could try to make any sort of escape, he tossed me into the water. It was cold, but less cold than I expected it to be. I coughed up a bit of water as I resurfaced and when I opened my eyes I squinted at Yunho, annoyed at how attractive he looked with the evil smirk on his face.

“You’re a jerk.” I said with no venom behind my words.

“Yeah, yeah. Brace yourself I’m coming in.”

I barely had time to move before he jumped in, his legs tucked to his chest. “Cannonball!”

I moved my hands in front of my face to block the wave of water coming my way, not feeling any surprise about my boyfriend’s childish behavior. When he resurfaced he faced me with a smile, wading towards me, embracing me in his arms, and wrapping my legs around his waist. He was so tall that he could reach the bottom of the pool without having to swim, unlike me, where I was no near reaching the bottom and needed to swim in place. With a satisfied hum he pressed several wet kisses to my neck.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by my skin.

“I love you too, babe.” I hesitated before I said my next words, still overwhelmed at how strong my feelings were for him, “You’re the love of my life.”

He pulled back with a bright smile on his face, his eyes shining almost as if he was tearing up, “I knew you were the love of my life the moment I saw you. And you’re all mine.” Yunho said before he placed a delicate kiss to my lips.

“All yours, babe.”

His long fingers danced along my sides, grabbing at my hips as he began to attack my chest with kisses. I giggled as the feeling of his stubble tickled my skin.

“You know, you really ‘oughta shave before you get a full beard.”

“Why? Are you saying I wouldn’t look good with one?”

I cupped his face, “You’d look amazing with one, but I thought you didn’t like beards, babe?”

“Hate ‘em.” Yunho’s laugh echoed around us, “Really weird that men can grow them in the first place. But anyways...”

His hands made quick work of my bra, letting it sink to the bottom of the pool. I opened my mouth to scold him but before I could his mouth latched to my right nipple, sucking and nipping on it in a way that made my hands seek out his hair and tug harshly at his locks. Letting out a growl, Yunho placed one hand on the the pool wall for balance and the other on my back, drawing abstract shapes there.

Yunho moved to my other nipple, giving it the same treatment and smiling when he heard my moans. In a flash he removed his hand from my back and pressed me against the pool wall, his hand now traveling to my panties.

As he removed the final item of clothing he ran a finger over my clit, giggling to himself. I gave him a look and he clarified, “Babe, you’re wet enough to fill an entire swimming pool.”

I groaned, pressing my head into his chest, “You make that same god awful joke every time we come here.”

“And as such I couldn’t let tradition die.”

“Shut up and fuck me.” I laughed, promptly helping him out of his boxers.

He continued to tease me after, switching between playing with my clit and stretching me out with his long fingers. By the time he finally gave in, I was a whimpering, pathetic mess, begging for more.

As he aligned with my walls he looked at me with delicate eyes, “Ready, little flower?”

I nodded quickly, chanting ‘yes’ over and over. Yunho once again placed a hand on the wall and hooked one of my legs over his waist, allowing him to thrust deeper inside me. He held my hand with his free one, a simple action that always melted my heart. Despite how long we’d been together, I would always get overwhelmed by him so easily. Everything about him exuded such a strong aura that sometimes just the smallest kiss would leave me breathless. The first time we were intimate he took his hand in mine and assured me he would be gentle, and every time since he’s held my hand. It wouldn’t feel right without our hands together.

“Shit—it’s been way too long since we’ve done this.” I said as he snapped his hips into mine, quickly repeating the action.

“God I know.” He let out a pained groan at the thought of it, “Four months is gonna be fucking awful without you.”

“Guess we’ll have to make do with what we’ve got now.”

“Guess we will.”

The sounds of water splashing and the echos of our moans, a symphony I had become so familiar with, was gradually reaching its crescendo. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open but I forced them to be, needed to memorize everything about this moment. The sweat dripping down Yunho’s forehead, the tattooed muscles he was flexing, the sounds and praise he was emitting, and pleasure we were both feeling--I wouldn’t see nor feel this for the next four months.

A particular snap of his hips had me seeing stars and I called out to him, letting him know I was close. Within minutes, both of us were panting and reeling from our highs. Yunho pressed his nose against mine and both of us closed our eyes, enjoying each other’s presence.

“How come every time we come here it ends in sex?” I giggled.

He blinked and moved a strand of wet hair out of my face, “Because you’re hot and barely wearing any clothes and no one’s around.”

I blushed at his compliment, “I mean like I’m not complaining or anything.”

A cocky smile formed on Yunho’s face, “Well it certainly didn’t sound like you were a moment ago.”

“Yunho!”

The man laughed, lifting me up and spinning me around in the pool before cradling me in his arms.

“I hate to say it, but we do need to head back. The world awaits for us, I’m afraid.”

I sighed, pressing into his chest, “I’m gonna miss you.”

He stilled as he pulled me closer, “I’m gonna miss you, too. You don’t have to miss me yet, though.”

“I know.” I swallowed, wishing I had something more to say.

“Come on, then.” Yunho gave me a quick kiss, “Let’s head back.”

-

Yunho held the front door open for me, giving me a gentle slap on my ass when I walked through. I turned around and gave him a playfully annoyed look, which he only laughed at.

As we walked towards the living room, the sound of a random sitcom filled our ears. Six heads turned our way after hearing our footsteps. Seonghwa was resting his head against his long-time girlfriend. She was a sweet girl and complimented him more than any woman I’d seen him with. They really were soulmates, if they ever existed.

San was sitting holding hands with a man he’d been interested in for awhile. I’d often see him flirting with various men and women, but he never went any further than that, too afraid of commitment. This man; however, seemed to breaking through San’s walls. I really hoped they would work out, San deserved someone as kind as him.

Wooyoung sat across from the them, who acknowledged us first.

“Hey guys. Have fun?” Wooyoung asked, smiling at my soaked hair. He had his arm around a woman I’d never seen before and I was certain that none of us would ever see her again. He had the reputation of a playboy, and every poor woman thought they’d be the one exception, the one to make him stay. I’m sure the allure of being a drummer in a band was part of his appeal, too. Maybe one day, like San, he’d settle down.

The woman became visibly upset when Wooyoung looked me with a teasing glance. Feeling sympathy for her, I decided to do my best to calm her nerves.

I spoke for us, linking hands with my boyfriend. “Yeah, we did. I think we’re gonna go clean up though.” I looked at the woman, “I’m y/n, by the way. I’m Yunho’s girlfriend.”

She didn’t even try to hide the relief on her face. “Oh! I’m Solar. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung started, “Best girlfriend he’s ever had. Much better for him than Lucy.”

Yunho glared at the man, “Thought we agreed not to bring her up?”

Lucy, the woman Yunho dated before me, was arguably the scariest person I’d ever heard about. They dated for roughly three months before she became obsessive, to the point where Yunho had to get a restraining order against her. She threatened to hurt all of Yunho’s friends and family, all because she wanted Yunho all to herself. That was about all Yunho ever told me about her. Not that I complained. I didn’t exactly want to discuss his exes, even more so when they were that crazy.

I never told him, but I knew I saw her the first date we went on. I could see the way her piercing, ice eyes saw through me. I had no doubt it was her. I just hope I’d never see her again. Maybe now that she saw he was taken she’d leave us alone. There was an uncomfortable silence following, none of us knowing what to say until San spoke.

“You look like a wet dog, Yunho.” San joked, prompting laughter from a few of us, which seemed like more of a noise of relief rather than one of actual humor.

“Yeah, yeah.” My boyfriend relaxed his shoulders, “I think we’re gonna head in for the night so don’t make too much noise.” Waving them goodbye he caught up with me, placing a hand around my waist.

“Shower with me, doll.”

I placed a hand on his chest, “I would love to.”

-

I came out of the shower wearing my favorite large shirt of Yunho’s, drying my wet hair with a towel. The smell of chlorine had gone away for the most part; whatever chemicals the owner put in that pool always made the smell harder to get rid of. Only a small price to pay, I figured.

My boyfriend, who was much quicker than I was, looked up from his phone as he was splayed out across his bed. His tired eyes smiled at me while motioning me over. Yunho’s own hair was still drying and with his bare face and crooked smile, he was as handsome as he could ever be.

“Hey there.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” He reached an arm out to me, pulling me against him when I took his hand, “How ya feeling?”

“Tired.” I hummed, sleepily smiling against his neck.

“Too tired to listen to the song I wrote for you?”

“No! Not at all.”

Yunho chuckled, slowly brushing my hair aside and turning his head to look at me. As he had countless times, he took a breath before he turned to me, beginning to sing.

“You give me fireworks

I’ll give you the kindest words, my dear

Your love caught me

The moment I met your eyes

And how could I not fall?

Your heart bared, no disguise”

I fought to stay awake although his melodic voice seemed to be lulling me to sleep. I felt myself losing consciousness, but managed to catch the last few lyrics he sang to me.

“Now I sunbathe in the daybreak

Half asleep, half awake

Writing this song

As I hope I’ll dream of you”

Yunho brushed his fingertips brush against my face before he spoke, “Goodnight, flower.”

I muttered some form of a “goodnight” before I felt sleep take over me, nuzzling happily against my boyfriend.

-

I woke up in a panic, unsure why my heart was beating so fast until I looked at the clock. Eleven in the morning. I was an hour later than I should’ve been at my job. It seemed that even unconscious my body knew I was late.

“Oh shit I’m gonna be late for work!” I spoke with wide eyes.

Jumping from Yunho’s bed I stripped myself of his shirt and quickly threw my clothes on. The body that laid beside me stirred, moving the covers aside.

“Are you leaving?” He asked sleepily, his face puffy from sleep and an adorable pout on his lips.

I frowned, “Yeah. I’m sorry we didn’t get to spend more time together, babe.”

He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Both of us slept in.”

I tied my hair back, sighing. I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost missed Yunho’s question.

“Sorry what was that?”

He smiled, “You’re coming to our going away party tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I moved back to the bed and hugged him, feeling my heart sink. I was proud of him, I really was, yet couldn’t help but feel sad that I wouldn’t see him for so long.

This was the longest tour they’d ever gone on and we’d never been apart from each other that long before. I trusted him and I was confident in our relationship, but realistically, all members of Sidekick Heart were attractive young men and a good portion of their fans were female. I was far more concerned about the female audience doing something than I was about Yunho making a move on another woman.

With one last squeeze of his shoulders I pulled back, goodbyes beginning to fall from my lips before Yunho pulled me back.

“I need a goodbye kiss.”

I pressed my lips together with a smile, gladly indulging him. Giving him one last kiss against the lips, I bid him farewell until the following day.

-

“So how was work?” My roommate asked as I walked in the house, propping her feet up on our couch and tossing a kernel of corn into her mouth, the lighting of the TV illuminating her blanket-covered body.

I sighed, sitting down on the floor next to her, “Other than being an hour and a half late and missing an important meeting I think it went okay. I’m just glad the day’s over.” Rubbing a hand over my face I turned to her, “What about you? How was your day?”

“Pretty damn good actually.” She smiled, removing the blanket and showing me the new ink on her upper arm. It was an assortment of flowers and matched her bubbly personality perfectly. They were now the fifth adornment on her beautiful dark skin, each one of them tempting me more and more to get a few of my own.

“Another one already, Tiff?”

“Listen, you’ll know how addicting they get as soon as you get your first.”

“You sound so confident that I will.”

“Oh I know you will. You’re dating a rockstar, after all. Not to mention he’s the goddamn lead singer and has tattoos of his own.”

“Shut up.” I giggled, “Speaking of, are you coming to the farewell party tomorrow?”

“I plan on it, but I’ll probably be there a couple hours late. My dad’s flying into town for the weekend so I plan on visiting first. I’m definitely coming though.”

I hummed, “Yeah, don’t worry too much about it. We all know it’ll go till sunrise anyway.”

She let out a loud laugh, likely remembering the last party of theirs we went to where she ended up more drunk than I’d ever seen her. She claims she remembers flashes of the night; playing strip beer pong and being dared to steal one of the neighbor’s bushes—which, after much convincing from those who were sober, she decided against it—but didn’t recall half of the hilarious memories of her the rest of us did. Personally, my favorite was watching her hold a tomato soup can and cry over the fact that it could never have children.

Tiff let out a yawn as she stretched her arms above her head, turning in my direction. Her words were muffled by her yawn as she spoke, “Imma go to bed now. You good before I go?”

I smiled at her, “Yeah I’m good. I won’t stay up too much longer, just need to go through my nightly routine of looking at the stars, ya know, the usual.”

She nodded, wrapping the blanket around her and heading to her bedroom, “Sleep well, babe. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Back at ya.”

It was a habit of mine, gazing at the night sky before sleeping. It gave me comfort knowing that out there, somewhere, there was something else out there with me. Almost like I wasn’t going through everything alone.

I set my purse down when I reached our kitchen, reaching for a tea pot and tea bags, brainlessly brewing my favorite tea as I thought of what Yunho might be doing right now. It was probably most likely that he was practicing for their tours, but I could only hope he was getting a little bit of rest.

I stepped out onto our porch to look at the stars with a cup of tea in my hands, the night sky twinkling with all the stars it could offer. A slight breeze rustled my hair and I closed my eyes, thankful for the pleasant weather. I heard a sudden snap of a branch and my eyes quickly opened as I searched out property for any sign of an aggressive animal. My eyes finally landed on a human-like figure. Feeling adrenaline run though me, I decided to confront whoever or whatever it was.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” I spoke, my voice loud but not quite a yell.

The figure took off it’s hood to show their face, and I saw a familiar pair of ice blue eyes, though I hadn’t seen them in years, “I’m here to see you, of course.”

My brain quickly connected her to the woman I hoped I’d never see again.

Lucy.

“Well I don’t want to see you. Leave.”

She pressed a hand to her chest, feigning offense, “But I came all this way! Just to...say hello.”

I took a step towards her, hoping that if I appeared confrontational she would leave me alone. “I don’t know who you are, now please leave. I’m not going to say it again.”

“Oh, you poor girl. You really think you have the upper hand?” She pulled out a knife, and walked towards me at impressive speed, pointing the weapon at my throat. “I know you’ve been seeing Yunho. I. Don’t. Like. That.” She emphasized every word of the last sentence, anger woven within her voice.

I wanted to fight back. Everything in me was screaming to fight back, but I knew I had no chance. I had no idea what she was capable of, and I didn’t dare to find out.

“I dated him first and he’s still mine. You’re going to break up with him, you hear me?” She screamed in my ear, the sound shaking me to my core, “I never want to see you near him again.” She grabbed my jaw harshly, forcing my eyes to lock with hers. “I bet he doesn’t even love you.”

My eyes watered. I knew she was wrong, but with the adrenaline coursing through my veins and the harshness of her words I began to doubt myself.

Her grip tightened and I let out a yelp, “He loves me and I love him. He’s always loved me, not you. Why would he ever love a thing like you?”

She then threw me to the ground, towering over me, “Break up with him. Make him hate you. If you don’t,” She squatted down next to me, once more pointing the knife at my throat, “I’ll kill him myself and make you watch. Then,” She cocked her head, a crazed smile plastered on her face, “I’ll kill you. If I can’t have him, no one can.” She stood, smirking at me, “And you know I will.”

She kicked me in the stomach, watching as I crawled into myself, groaning from the pain. I closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn’t hurt me any more than she already had.

“I’ll be watching you at the party tomorrow. Do it then. Break his heart. I’ll kill him then and there if you don’t.” She looked down at me and scoffed, “And I’ll be bringing friends to make sure the job gets done.”

I carefully opened my eyes to see her stepping over me, walking back into the darkness from which she came. I scrambled back into my house, hyperventilating from the interaction I just had.

I spent the night crying, not able to sleep even for a minute. I tried to think rationally, but there were just too many variables. How many ‘friends’ was she bringing? Would she really kill Yunho in front of everyone? Where would she be watching me from? Is she watching me now?

I could text or call Yunho to let him know, but where would we go from there? He’d want to meet me and she’d kill him instantly. Right?

“Maybe I could pull him aside at the party and warn him?” I murmured to myself, “No, she could probably see that. Maybe there’s people actually at the party who are looking out for us, too.” I covered my face with my hands and fell back into my pillows, weeping as I knew I had to break up with the love of my life.

-

Choosing to wear a yellow dress honestly couldn’t have been more ironic. Yellow was supposed to be a happy color. A color of hope and yearning, innocence and warm days full of laughter. It was the complete antithesis of how I felt and what I knew I had to do. Even worse, the weather was perfect. It was sunny, but not so much to make it unbearable outside. Everything about today made my insides twist.

I took a breath at the door of Yunho’s house, bracing myself for what I had to do. Knocking a few times I heard a commotion inside before the man I came to see opened the door. His smile had never been bigger.

“Baby!” He cheered, pulling me into a bear hug and ruffling my styled hair, “I’m so excited you’re here!”

He looks so ecstatic. And I have to break him.

The thought crushed me and brought tears to my eyes, but I couldn’t let him die. I knew she was serious, I didn’t doubt that for a moment. I grabbed Yunho’s arm, pulling him outside and away from everyone in the house.

I looked at the ground as I felt my lips begin to quiver, “I’m sorry. I just need to get this over with.”

Yunho bent down to meet my eyes, “Hey, hey. What’s going on sweetheart?” His voice was gentle, one of his hands coming to rub the tears from my face, “I’m here for you, whatever it is.”

I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. I hated myself more than I’d ever hated anyone. “I don’t love you, Yunho.” My hands began to shake beyond my control, my own body knowing I was making a mistake.

“W-what?” Yunho’s voice cracked. A moment of silence passed before he let out a hollow laugh, “Baby, you don’t mean that-”

I looked up at him and immediately wished I hadn’t. Tears were welling in his eyes, his own hands beginning to shake.

“I said I don’t love you Yunho!” I said louder than I intended, “Not anymore. I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry.”

He took a step back and I noticed his hands clenching, something he always did to keep himself from crying.

“If that’s what you want,” Tears fell from his eyes before he finished his sentence, “Then I’ll support your decision.” He looked to the side, not knowing what else to say.

I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and explain everything, tell him that I’ve never stopped loving him, not even for a second, but I couldn’t. Instead, I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and looked at him one last time. He was so fucking handsome, so goddamn kind, and here I was doing this to him. Maybe he did deserve someone better.

“Good luck with your tour, Yunho. I know you’ll be fantastic.”

I turned and walked away from him quickly, leaving the house and ignoring the stare I could feel on me. I ran across the yard to my car, starting the engine and leaning my head against the steering wheel. I felt myself lose all oxygen in my body, the only option left to take large gasps of air. My vision was so clouded by tears I couldn’t even see anymore. I’d just lost myself along with my other half. I’d never felt as empty as I did in that moment.

Just then I heard a knocking on my window. I half-hardheartedly lifted my head and felt my heart lurch. Yunho was standing outside my car, eyes red and puffy, looking at me like I was the last person he’d ever see. I opened my car without thinking, my breathing still as uneven as before.

Yunho spoke, his voice coarse and distant, “I’m not asking you to change your mind, but I need you to know that I have always loved you and I always will. That will never change.”

I wiped the snot from my nose but didn’t bother to try and fix the mascara I knew was streaming down my face. I knew I had to look horrible, but he still held so much love for me that it was easy to see in his eyes. I fought myself to not reply, knowing that if I’d open my mouth all I’d say was ‘I love you’ over and over again.

“Is it too out of line to ask for a last hug?” He smiled sadly as more tears poured from his eyes.

I shook my head, running into his arms and embracing him. I felt like I made a mistake the moment I did because I could smell him. He was wearing the cologne I bought him for his birthday. His warm, sturdy chest...everything about him felt like home.

“Goodbye, Yunho.”

-

I arrived at home alone, tears still stinging my eyes. Tiff was nowhere to be found and I couldn’t decide if I was thankful or sad for the fact that she wasn’t there. I barely made it out to our porch before collapsing once again, finding it harder and harder to breathe. I didn’t know how long I was sitting there, it could’ve been one hour or three, but given the setting sun it looked like it was the latter. Once more I heard a noise outside our home, and once more the female figure appeared before me.

“You did good,” Lucy said, twirling her knife in her hands, “Dare I say I’m proud of you.”

“I don’t ever want to see you here again.” I cried, “I did what you want now get the fuck away from me.”

“My, my. You have quite the mouth on you, don’t you?” She tsked, “But you did as I asked, so I might as well comply. Don’t; however, think that you can go crawling back to Yunho and tell him about this. I’ll keep watching you and if you decide to do just that...I’ll follow through with my promise.”

I kept my eyes on the ground, convinced that if I looked up at her I’d attempt to rip the hair out of her head. No anger I had ever felt before could surmount to the rage I was feeling.

“Nonetheless, it was a pleasure doing business with you, miss.”

As soon as she came, she was gone. When I finally let myself look up, I could no longer see her, only darkness. Once again, I was alone.

-

Six months had passed since I broke up with Yunho and today officially made the third new date I’d went on. All of them were absolutely horrible. It wasn’t even that the guys were mean or rude or weren’t attractive, they just weren’t him.

Why am I even trying to move on?

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked heavy, the bags under my eyes ever prominent. I couldn’t fool myself. I’d never be able to be with another man again. I forced myself to hold back tears and reached back to untie my hair, preparing to take a bath in hopes that it would take my mind off of things.

I began to run the warm water as I reached for several candles, lighting them and placing them around the room, trying to forget the entire day altogether. As I waited for the tub to fill I grabbed my phone, opening Instagram for no other reason than to have something to do. Although Yunho and I broke up, I still followed their band account, as well as their individual accounts. Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung were still my friends, after all. Yunho was the only exception. Both of us unfollowed each other early on just because it was too painful. I didn’t hold it against him and hoped he didn’t hold it against me either.

Regardless, my eyes found the most recent post on Sidekick Heart’s account. All four members were shirtless, their hair dripping wet with goofy smiles plastered on their faces. They were standing by a pool, the same one Yunho and I would often break into. I noticed Yunho first, how could I not? His smile wasn’t as wide as the other’s, his eyes a bit colder, but he looked happy all the same. He looked good. Really, really good. He was always fit while we were dating, but he gained more muscle since I last saw him and it didn’t go unnoticed by their fans, either. I clicked the comment section against my better judgement, knowing what I was going to see before I even did so.

“Yunho looks like a fucking goddd”

“So Yunho’s still single right??”

“Yunhooo hmu I beg you”

“Jesus Christ Yunho break me please”

A surge of jealousy rushed through me. I hated when girls said those things when we were together, but now that we were apart it made it even worse. I had no right to be jealous, and that was the worst part.

The water reached my leg that was resting on the side of the tub and I scrambled to turn off the faucet. Doing my best to push the images from my mind I placed my phone aside and stripped from my clothes, settling in the water. I sighed as some water fell out of the side of the tub. It wasn’t a terrible thing to happen, but it seemed to just be another thing to go wrong.

My eyes wandered back to my phone, Instagram still open and the picture I was looking at earlier still on display. He was so fucking hot and seeing that he was standing next to that pool—our pool—made my brain short circuit. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from taking me back to the last night we broke in, the way we teased each other and how it inevitably led to sex. It seemed I had no control over my body as my dominant hand slipped between my legs.

But as much as I wanted it to be, it wasn’t the same. My fingers weren’t as long or slender as his and just nothing about our touches were the same, but the image of him just made my hormones rage. Every ounce of me craved him.

My fingers swirled around my clit, a bundle of pleasure shooting through me at the action. I closed my eyes, letting my body take over and repeat the motions and much as I fought not to, my brain kept replaying scenes of two of us again, and again, and again.

“Such a good girl, aren’t you?” Yunho spoke as I sunk down on his dick, barely finding the energy to lift myself up again even though the noises he made were like shots of espresso.

“Aww, is my baby getting tired?” He cooed, jerking his hips into mine.

“It’s not fair!” I whined, “I’m not good at this and you know it.”

“But we wouldn’t be a good couple if we didn’t encourage each other to work hard, right? Up you go, flower.”

I whimpered and pouted, but still obeyed him. Taking pity on me, Yunho grabbed my waist and lifted me, relaxing his grip as I moved downward. I made a noise that wasn’t understood by Yunho, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“What was that?”

“Please. More. I need you so bad.” I begged.

Yunho laughed, “I really do have you wrapped around my finger, don’t I?”

I nodded before remembering that he’d probably prefer a verbal answer, “Yes. I’m w-wrapped around your finger.”

He let out a noise of satisfaction before flipping us over into a position so that he would have full control. I grabbed the bedsheets roughly, so much in my own world that I didn’t hear Yunho’s words.

“What was that?” I let out with a series of mewls.

“You’ve got me wrapped around your finger, too, you know? I don’t go an hour without thinking about you anymore. I can’t even have a single conversation without bringing you up. Anytime someone says your name my heart beats out of my damn chest. You’re the only woman for me.”

My legs shook as my high approached, barely able to breathe at it’s intensity. It took me a minute before I could even remember where I was. As I came to my senses, I felt tears biting at my eyes and this time I didn’t bother to hold them back. I watched as they streamed down my face and joined the now-cold water surrounding me. I brought my hands up to cover my eyes, glad Tiff wasn’t home to hear my wailing. She’d been good about staying with me since the breakup, but tonight she just wasn’t here. The hole in my heart felt even deeper now. I wondered if he found someone, if he was happy now. Hell, maybe it was his ex. The thought tore my heart out and ripped it in two. I wanted to be happy for him if it was true, but I just couldn’t be. I was still too selfish. I still wanted him to love only me.

-

 New friends, new beginnings or whatever.

That’s apparently what I thought when I began attending more clubs at college after the breakup, meeting new people and eventually finding a really solid friend group. All who happened to really like punk-rock music.

“You should really go with us,” Shang directed his words at me, “There’s a new band popping up that’s playing this weekend. It’s three hours away but they have great music.” 

I sighed, not fully convinced although it did sound fun. The last concert I’d been to was one of Yunho’s and though I hadn’t even seen him in what felt like forever, I still couldn’t help myself from thinking of him anytime someone talked about concerts. Sensing my apprehension, the woman beside me spoke up.

“Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!” Tyra chanted in my ear, her black curls bouncing with her as she clapped her hands between the words. “Come on, it would be so much fun and you know it.”

I bit my lip, deep in thought. I knew I would have fun but I just didn’t know if that would outweigh the pain I would feel.

“What’s the band name?” I asked, looking at Shang.

“Honestly?” He scratched the back of his head, “I was a little drunk when I told one of my friends I’d be there so I don’t even remember what they’re called.”

“How do you know they have great music, then?” I laughed, Tyra agreeing with me, apparently not knowing who was playing when she agreed either.

“I mean, my brother listens to their music and he’s got good music taste so they’ve gotta be good.”

I closed my eyes as I felt an oncoming headache, knowing they wouldn’t accept no as an answer. “Fuck it.” I stated, “I’ll go.”

The two cheered, Shang promising that I’d enjoy myself. I doubted it, truthfully, but really it was decided that I’d go the moment the pair brought the idea up to me.

-

Our trio waded through the giant crowd as the doors opened to let us into the venue. It was big, one of the larger concerts I’ve been to. Whoever we were seeing was successful, for sure. The volume at which everyone was speaking was essentially a yell, so I had to do just that to get my messages through.

“I still can’t believe we have no fucking idea who’s playing!” I yelled at Shang.

He laughed, “I got seats towards the front row, though! I didn’t even have to pay for them!”

“That’s not gonna matter if we don’t know any of the lyrics, you dipshit!” Tyra barked.

“Okay okay I should’ve asked, I get that now.”

As we found our way towards the seats, there was a big projector with the words ‘Sidekick Heart’ displayed across it. My heart dropped and I suddenly felt it become hard to breathe.

“You got us tickets to a Sidekick Heart concert?” Tyra beamed, “I love their music and I’m practically in love with San! His vocals are insane! Holy shit, Shang!”

“Ohhhh yeah I remember now.” He chuckled.

I seemed to fade into the background as the two of them discussed their love for the band and the members. All I could think about was seeing Yunho again.

Would he see me? How would he react if he does?...Does he hate me?

I only came back to reality when the audience began to cheer and I saw all the members step onto stage. Seonghwa cradled his electric guitar, in one arm, waving at the audience with the other. Wooyoung plopped down behind the drum set, smiling at the audience while twirling a drumstick. With his bass guitar, San, ever the king of expressions, gave his best smoulder to the audience and it seemed like the audience collectively screamed over him. Then came Yunho out to center stage, his electric guitar in his hands and a smirk on his face as if he knew everyone in the damn building wanted to fuck him. And he’d be right. The spotlights on each of them made them look like actual gods. If I didn’t know them personally I would have thought they were.

Yunho leaned into the mic, his gruff voice taking me by surprise, “Hello everyone! Great to see you all! If you haven’t been to one of our concerts before this is how it’s gonna work: You’re gonna dance, we’re gonna sing, we’re all gonna have a fucking great time tonight!”

The crowd erupted as the first song began to play. It was one of their more popular songs and for good reason. All over it was a really well put together song and I couldn’t help as I began to mouth along to the words. Song after song played, some I knew some I didn’t, and the entire time I couldn’t look away from the man singing. He radiated confidence and looked relaxed as if he’d been performing for decades. I knew he wasn’t as cool as he seemed, I’d given him so many pep talks before performances I couldn’t count them, but as an outsider you’d never know.

I wonder who talked him up this time?

“Alright everyone. This is the last song of the night and-”

The audience booed, everyone upset at the night coming to a close.

Yunho laughed. The sound was rich and beautiful. He was truly enjoying himself. This is what he was meant to do, with or without me. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry.

Yunho’s voice filled my ears. “I know, I know. I’d love to stay a bit longer, too. Here’s the thing though...” He paused and I opened my eyes only to see him looking back at me. His eyes automatically softened as they always did when he saw me, but as if he remembered how we ended his gaze hardened slightly, like he was trying to distance himself. It felt like we’d been looking at each other for hours before he opened his mouth to speak again, but I knew very well that my perception of time had been off for a while.

“Even if we only have this little time left, I’ve truly enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. The fact that it’s coming to an end soon is what makes it so special, I think.” Yunho broke eye contact with me, smiling slightly and glancing back out at the sea of people. “Seeing your smiling faces, your energetic cheers—all of it—is a reminder to me that we’re so lucky to be doing this as a job. Really...I love you all.”

The audience let out a chorus of ‘awws’ which was followed by several rather aggressive ‘I love you too’s.

The lead singer once more smiled, “Now, without further adieu, this is one of our newest songs and it’s called Brown Eyes, here it is.”

The music began to play, all instruments coming together to make a somber tune. Somehow they were always able to write music that perfectly encapsulated emotions or ideas. This one? Loss.

“Since you left you’re still so infused

In how I think and what I do

Can’t seem to get you to leave me alone

Your ghost stayed here and she watches my tears

That run down our picture frames”

Then he found me again in the crowd, no doubt able to see the tears staining my makeup, no doubt able to see how broken I was. And still, he sang.

“I’ve tried hard to fight it

Yet I keep givin’ in

There’s been no one but you

I’m trapped, confined

And your platinum smile still knocks me out

Every single time”

He kept eye contact with me, not once breaking his gaze. It was almost as if he wanted me to break first, as if he wanted me to look away before him. As if he was daring me to leave him again.

San stepped closer to his mic and took his eyes away from his bass guitar, Yunho’s voice being replaced by the purple-haired man. As his voice rang out I only could’ve hoped the next lyrics were about one of San ex’s, not me. Even if they weren’t, Yunho still looked at me.

“It’s not aimed at me 

Maybe it never was

But oh darling, you could’ve fooled me”

My eyes flickered down, unable to look at Yunho any longer. His gaze only broke my heart further and in turn I felt my eyes water. After a moment or two, I worked up the courage to look back at him. He was still looking at me like he never moved his eyes. I couldn’t seem to register the lyrics until Yunho began to sing again, his voice drawing me in as it always did.

“You've disappeared without a trace

Left an unsuspecting guise

Love, I need you to know

I’ve been losing far more than sleep

Over those deep chocolate eyes.”

As the song and the show ended and everyone in the crowd cheered, I felt a rush of emotions run through me. Thrilled that they’d become so successful, proud of them for putting on such an amazing show, and hurt because I could still see a sliver of sadness in Yunho’s eyes.

I hurt him.

Yunho then reluctantly said his goodbyes to the audience along with the rest of the members. His jaw tightened as he walked over to Wooyoung, whispering something in his ear before walking off stage. Feeling like I was set in a trance, I grabbed my Tyra’s arm and mumbled something about going to the bathroom before following him. I completely ignored her questions and concerns about where I was going, dead set on talking to him again even though I didn’t have a damn idea what I was going to say.

Somehow, through the giant maze of people, I was able to spot Yunho leaving through the backstage. Instinctively I ran towards him, still having no plan in mind. I only stopped when a purple-headed man appeared before me.

“Y/n!” He smiled, bringing me into a hug, “I missed you so much!” He pulled back from me, “We all did.”

Seonghwa and Wooyoung came from behind me, both wearing sad, kind smiles. They looked healthy and happy, which was all I could’ve asked for them.

“How’ve you been, girl?” Seonghwa cocked his head, genuinely curious.

I hesitated, not sure if I should tell them the truth. But at the end of the day, they were still my friends. “Not...great. If I’m being honest. I was kinda hoping I could talk to Yunho...if I could.”

They all shared a look I couldn’t understand.

Wooyoung spoke up, “We’re having a party at a friend’s house after this, you should come.”

I was surprised, still not fully understanding the situation.

San frowned, “I think it would be good for you two to talk. He didn’t tell us too much about what happened, but I’m sure you had a good reason. You were always so good to all of us.”

“I can text you the address if you’d like,” Wooyoung added, “You still have the same number?”

I nodded.

“Okay, good. We need to get back but we’ll see you there. Take care, okay?”

“I will. Thanks guys.”

San pulled me in for another hug, “Of course.”

They waved as we parted ways and for the first time that night, I felt hopeful. I spotted Shang and Tyra and ran up to them, no doubt a smile on my face as I asked, “Soo...you guys up for a party?”

-

I ditched my friends the moment we arrived, barely even sparing a word with Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung once they nudged me in the direction of Yunho. I didn’t try to think too much about it, knowing I’d explain it all to them later.

He was standing in an empty bedroom, looking at the floor and sipping out of a red cup which likely contained liquor. When his eyes met mine a rush of memories flooded back to me. The first time we kissed, the first time he confessed he loved me, the first time he saw me cry.

The first time I broke his heart.

His eyes raised to mine, his face stoic, “Enjoy the show?”

My mouth opened and closed, not having any clue what to say to him, “Yunho I-”

“I know why you did it.” He said suddenly, “A week after you left me Lucy showed up to one of our shows and tried to convince me it was all a coincidence. Said that I could finally be with her. When I didn’t buy it she finally gave in and told me she convinced you we were better apart. So naturally I called the cops and they arrested her for breaking the restraining order, thank god.” He shook his head, looking disgusted, “You know I never wanted us to be apart. My question to you,” he took a step further towards me, “is why did you do it? Why did you end us?”

When I couldn’t seem to respond he talked once more, “You could’ve told me what she was trying to do. We could’ve worked it out together.” He looked more disappointed and heartbroken rather than angry.

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yunho.” I bit my tongue as I fought back tears, “I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I-I’m just-” I sobbed, “Lucy told me she would kill you if I kept dating you.”

Yunho’s mouth shut and eyes widened, clearly missing that bit of information. I took it as my cue to continue “I don’t know why she did it, but it’s probably because we were happy.”

More tears fell down my face and it became harder for me to talk, but I owed him the truth. I had to tell him the truth. I looked up at him but because of my tears my vision was blurred. Yunho’s hands were tightening into fists as he looked away from me.

“I couldn’t tell you because I had to protect you so I had to make you hate me and I’m just so sorry.” I fell to the ground, my body feeling as heavy as my heart.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I brought my eyes to meet his own, “I’m sorry.” A tear streamed down his cheek, heavy remorse in his eyes, “God she’s fucking awful.”

A laugh got caught in my throat, “Yeah she is.”

He set his cup down somewhere along the way a his hands cupped my face, finally whispering the words I’d only heard in dreams, “I still love you so fucking much. I never stopped loving you. I never even tried to stop because I know I couldn’t.”

I jumped into his arms and kissed him hard, unintentionally knocking him to the floor. He met my lips with just as much fire, groaning when I unconsciously bucked my hips into his, all my sexual frustration still pent up.

“I missed you so fucking much.” Yunho growled, obviously feeling needy too but deciding against it as he wrapped his arms around my waist, speaking in between kisses, “I missed your cute laugh. I missed your lips. I missed your fucking awful jokes. I missed the way you’d look at me whenever you told me you loved me. I missed your gorgeous body and your smile. I missed your moans and the way you arched your back when we’d have sex. I missed how alive you made me feel.” He pulled back to look at me, “My life had no purpose without you.”

I took a breath, tears once more falling, “Mine didn’t either.” It wasn’t anything profound or emotional, but it was the truth. It didn’t.

Gently picking me up, he placed me on the bed. His eyes were raw, as emotional as they could ever be. Taking my hands in his, he looked at me as if I would disappear at any minute.

“Stay with me. Come with us on the rest of the tour. If you can’t take a vacation we’ll hire you as an assistant. If you can’t do that we’ll make some other kind of accommodation. Just stay, please. Please be mine again.”

I looked at the man in front of me. The tough-looking, six-foot tall, tattooed, strong man that could probably scare the shit out of anyone. Yet here he was, bearing his heart to me and being as vulnerable as a person could be.

I smiled, feeling my heart swell. “I’ve only ever been yours.”

-

The morning was bright, lighting directly hitting my eyes. I cursed myself for not closing the blinds the night before and blinked off my sleep when I heard a familiar pleasant sound.

Jumping down from the bed I put on the new fluffy bathrobe my lover bought me. I followed Yunho’s voice out to my porch, realizing I was listening to a new song of his. The man was strumming a guitar, a beautiful melody falling from his lips. When he noticed me, he smiled and continued to sing.

“I’m in a vivid yellow mood

You’re my muse, my home and room

And now that I have you again

What could I ever fear?

Oh do me a favor, dear

And inscribe your name on my sleeve

Let me keep it there forever

Because you’re better than any daydream.”

[arlothia]

YES!!! Overanalyzing is the BEST!!!!! Woot!

This got long, so to save people the hassle of having to scroll aaaaaall the way through it and risk straining or breaking their fingers, I'll put this under the cut ;)

I was looking at those curves as well and I guess it MIGHT be that, but the angle doesn't seem quite right to me, especially considering the stuff under/behind it. But yeah, it doesn't really matter in the long run. Still fun, though!! And YES!! That place is GORGEOUS!!! I reeeeally want to see more of it in the next ep (and hopefully beyond if the Imps don't end up finding it 😬😬😬) and especially inside!! I want to see what's in there! There could be fun easter eggs in there or some awesome game-changer items as well!! I've also thought that the place miiiiiiight be an old Jedi Temple????? Probably not, but it kinda gave me that feel when I first saw it. Time will tell!!

NEVER enough Rex!! And if they're planning something big then they might need some extra help from, say, Gregor, Wolffe (I want to see his rescue, but I'd be okay with just seeing him newly-free!), and maybe....Cody???? PLEASE bring him back!!! 😭🙏

HA! Very true about DBB! I love him to bits!! And as far as I can tell, it's more of an hourly rate, so it would be closer to 'payed by line'. I've done research in that realm as it's my goal to become a voice actor/audiobook reader ;)

Oh my gosh I am a re-watching MACHING!!!! So for S1 (which I started late - Feb of last year) I have re-watched the entire season 9 whole times (not counting individual ep re-watches) and for S2 I started with watching them 7 times per, then I rewatched 1-6 an extra time before the midseason, making it 8 times per, which I've kept up to now (currently on my 7th re-watch of 'Pabu'), but I also want to do a 1-13 re-watch before the finale with one ep per day, meaning today I got up to watching ep 5 for the 9th time and I will continue doing that (one ep a day) until I get to ep 14 for the last (and, through me week-long re-watches, 9th total) time on March 28th before watching the final 2 eps at midnight on the 29th. I'll watch (and cry over, probably) those two eps 9 total times (just to keep everything even 😉). Then I'll probably do a full S2 re-watch and then a S1-S2 re-watch. Then during the summer I want to do another full chronological TCW re-watch, followed by TBB S1-5, then 'Rebels', and then (if the rumors are true) I'll be ready for when 'Ahsoka' airs in the late summer. But who's obsessed, hmmm? 😅

*cough* But yeah, anyway, it'll be really great to see the whole picture of S2 while binging instead of the agonizing week-by-week slog we've had to suffer through 😩😩😩 Just with the shorter binges I've done of part of the season, it works better than having to wait a week and also know what's coming so you can appreciate more of what's happening in each episode.

I checked 1.15 and 1.16 and they were normal length (24:07 and 26:14 respectively). But here's hoping!!!! 🤞🤞🤞

I saw a screenshot of an interview snippet or something from a while back that said 4 seasons were planned? But I have no idea how much that was subject to change or anything. If anything, I'd want it to change to MORE!!!!! They've done an AMAZING job showing the phasing out of clones and the introduction of TK/Stormtroopers this season (Crosshair's eps have taken the brunt of THAT!!! OOF!!!) and the Zillo ep really kicked off from where the final scene of S1 teased us with the cloning storyline. I definitely think S3 will delve more fully into that. I've often wondered just how much the "somehow Palpatine returned" bit was planned and how much of what we're seeing in recent media is just scrambling to try and explain it. So long as they explain it well and it's entertaining, I don't really care!

And YES!!! fanfiction is ALWAYS there to fill our needs!! Though....usually....I make angsty/whumpy stuff, so I'm not helping matters there hahaha!

Alright, time to hop over to reddit! hahaha

Tell me what you think because I realised this shit as I was falling asleep and I now I can't go unless I get it out there:

Does the colour scheme of the background sort of look like the colour scheme of the houses and buildings on Pabu?

So, theory: Cid didn't sound...normal? the last time she contacted the guys and it's actually because the empire has gotten hold of her to try to bait the bad batch into coming into contact with her again. Well, that didn't work, so Cid suggests contacting Echo alone and tells him about Cross needing help (she knows the group has split) and that checks the "Cid is going to betray them" checkbox. Echo and Rex fall for it, contact the rest of the batch because they are going to need as much help as they can get in infiltrating Tantiss, and head to Pabu to rendezvous. That's where we get the long awaited Echo and Omega reunion. The group head to Tantiss, get Crosshair out, but in the process Omega is captured. They are forced to leave her to save injured/drugged/traumatised/comatose Cross and themselves. We open season 3 on Omega being experimented on or being mistreated to get Nala Se to cooperate.

[sinnabonka]

It’s spec time: Love always wins

(Okay, I promised it, I’m doing it, there’s no stopping me now.) 

For the last three days I’ve been all over the place emotionally, clinging to every post saying Cas is not dead dead, saying his story is not done, but then someone wrote the “but” post and, there I go again, down the bottomless pit of angst. 

I’ve been a Schrödinger believer for so long with this show, one can get used to it. 

I know I’m not the only one feeling this way, regarding whether Cas is coming back or not. We won’t know till we know ©

Ep 19 speculations here

But let's speculate!

Apparently, there's nothing better for me to do way past midnight on Saturday and on Sunday morning (when I’m writing this). 

What makes us think 15*18 might indeed be the end of Castiel’s story:

Everything the crew and Misha told us, officially, is pressing toward Cas dying permanently in this scene. “Proud ending”, indeed. 

Castiel’s story has the perfect symmetry this way, with the handprint, the “Hello, Dean” - “Goodbye, Dean”, and the whole “Dean Winchester is saved” theme.

He is smiling, while Empty takes him, he’s content with his sacrifice. 

Something about Castiel’s monologue didn’t sit right with me for some time. The whole point of happiness being not in having, but in being and saying, gave me an idea of it being the way writers say we can’t have Destiel, but we should be happy to know it’s real and to hear it said aloud after all those years. 

Supernatural had to be the story of two brothers and their journey, and Winchesters driving in the sunset is the most probable endgame we are gonna get. 

Even though all those points seem valid, we can’t trust any of it. 

Let me fix it for you:

It wouldn't be the first time the crew lied about someone being on set. 

The handprint was not scripted. I repeat, the handprint was not scripted.

Castiel’s monologue could be just about loving Dean, and it’s just my poor wounded heart looking too deep into it and seeing my angstloving reflection on the bottom of the well. 

And Supernatural might indeed be about family, but, as we know, family doesn’t end with blood, and doesn’t start with it either. Cas is family, after all. 

I’m glad be are clear on this one.

What tells us Cas is coming back and we are getting Destiel endgame:

(Brace yourself, it’s gonna be wordy)

1. The most obvious, without rewriting his memory or going OOC, there’s no happy ending for Dean (not the crappy bittersweet substitute) without Cas. 

Even without the love confession in place, we’ve seen what Cas’ death did to him before, it shuttered him to pieces. Imagine the damage it's gonna cause now! 

“I love you, I always did, bye bye now, have a long and happy life knowing my feelings for you have killed me dead.” Really? No win can make up for it.

2. My fave point, aka the natural dynamics of storytelling. The big loss predicts the big win. The deeper the wound, the brighter the prize. Following the roller coaster this season has been, we should be up for a pretty high damn up pretty soon. 

So, there’s The Big Loss (losing Eileen, all of their friends, all the people on Earth and Cas). 

Next - The Big Win (defeating God, getting their free will back, getting humanity back). 

Then, we should have The Big Regret and Reflect moment (Sam and Dean talking a lot at this point, realization of things which are important, what they want with Chuck gone). 

And at the end, there’s The Ultimate Happy ending waiting for us (see point 1 again in case you are not sure what that means).

3. You know what, forget it, this one is my favorite. The parallels. Throughout this season we’ve been spoon-fed with context (Geez, it feels nice to finally know we are not crazy, we are not seeing things, we got it all right!) and writers chose to do so via parallels, via reflections, subtle hints. 

It would be some lazy storytelling to shove everything to our faces, so, instead, we’ve got: Charlie and Stevie, Sam and Eileen, the world and humanity, Dean and Cas. 

Everyone separated. Forever? No, not really. And I don’t buy everyone getting their loved ones back, except Dean. C’mon.

4. Unresolved love confession. Yes, Cas might have died with a smile, meaning it’s enough for him to speak his truth and be gone. But Dean? Him sobbing in the dungeon, ignoring Sam’s calls (he literally never chose anything above Sam before), the “Don’t do this, Cas” part - it’s the lowest he’s ever been. 

To sum up, Dean didn’t get his closure. He might have needed five to six business days to process, but he still has his truth he has to find out and then give a voice to. 

And yeah, I know, he could confess via prayer or something, but we all know that’s something needed to be said face to face.  (Btw, he already confessed to Cas in purgatory via prayer once, you can try and prove me wrong, but good luck with that, sunshine.)

5. The perfect symmetry. If I were in SPN writers room, I would literally cry my eyes out of joy at the symbolism this ending gives. I would literally fight everyone against it. 

The broken man not deserving to be saved is dragged from Hell by the most loyal and righteous angel Heaven ever seen. 

VS

The fallen angel not deserving to be loved is dragged from Empty by the most loving and caring man the sun shone on.

I mean, c’mon, people. Poetry.

(We are nearing a very important thing here, fasten your seatbelts, please.)

6. The message the show wants to give the world has changed. From “it’s all about the journey, about saving people, killing things, no one ever gets what they deserve”, the philosophy has changed drastically toward the “good things do happen, you deserve to be saved, to be loved”. 

Come and see what lane we are walking right now: allowing yourself to love again, to experience things again / losing the love of your life a moment later / fighting for your love / winning your love back. 

I believe the final message is: love always wins. 

Love is not one’s weakness, love is power, love is strength, it’s a perfect fuel. 

Humans declare war in the name of love, kill and get killed in the name of love, but, most importantly, humans live and win those wars in the name of love, too. 

7. Go big or go home is on the table, and no one goes home this time. 

Supernatural was a bunch of broken glass for soooo long, I think this time writers are gonna give us something good, for a change. Not bittersweet good, but actually cotton-candy-almost-diabetes-sweet good.  

Why? 

Because *loud and clear* we deserve having good things happening to us! 

Also, it’s The End, the creators have nothing to lose, but, on the other hand, the ultimate happy ending would allow them to leave an enormous mark on the world and Supernatural to be known as the only show that actually could.

To sum up:  

Dean can’t be happy with Cas gone and, following the logic of prebuilt parallels, he won’t have to - everyone gets their loved ones back at the end, because love always wins. 

Cas might be at peace with speaking his truth, saving Dean and being gone, but it is not fair, Dean also deserves a chance to be heard. 

Few seasons ago I would laugh in my own face for these arguments, but the philosophy of the show has been transformed. During the last few years we were being prepared for this moment, slowly, gently being led toward this moment. 

Supernatural has to give us the Destiel endgame to prove their point.

click x click for more