#i saw them live in the middle of the night

[raysrambles]

on the day the election results got announced, one of my friends wasn't at school. she was the friend that I had the most classes with, and I remember as the hours ticked by the painful knowledge that she wasn't sick, not physically, but that she just couldn't bear to be there that day.

i overheard classmates talking. "how are you?" asked one; in a broken voice, another: "I don't know".

"I'm scared," was the most common sentence I heard that day. "i can't live like this," said someone in the hallway; "we've still got each other," said another in what I desperately wanted to believe was hope.

"I prayed last night for the first time since I was five," said a friend of a friend; I looked out the classroom window at the cloudy sky and wondered if there was a god, and if he had heard them.

I watched people break down crying in the middle of class. by the end of the day, several kids had left school early.

"I need to get out of here," I said to my friends at lunch. "we're not going to make it another four years," said one of them grimly. how dystopian, how orwellian was it that a group of seventeen year olds were so casually discussing their escape from the country they had grown up in, the country that had raised them only to throw them to the dirt before they were even able to vote?

after school i drove to another school for a debate tournament. one of the judges who I hadn't seen in a year and with whom I'd only had one or two conversations came up to me and asked "how are you doing?"

"could be better," I admitted, "but I'm surviving." that was a bit of an understatement; there were tears in my eyes even as I spoke.

"I'm here," she told me, this woman who I hardly knew, and I realized that she was asking because she remembered one of our only interactions, a year ago, where I had casually mentioned being trans--

--and her gaze flitted down to my shoes, where back then I had had beads in the colors of the trans flag, beads that weren't there anymore, not because of any change in myself but that of the world around me.

"I'm here," she said again, and we stared at each other for a few seconds. I managed a "thanks", not trusting myself to say anything else.

that night I went onto Instagram. someone I hadn't spoken to since we fell out over a year ago had texted me a simple "I love you and am with you" type of message. all of my friends and even people I hardly knew were posting about the election, and I remembered

back when Biden was elected, the Republicans I saw online reacted with hatred, disgust, doubt for his abilities

but now all I saw from the ones who had lost this battle was fear

when the other side lost, they had the privilege of hatred

now that we've lost, all we can do is fear.

terrified sixteen, seventeen, eighteen year olds, in flurries of messages to long-gone friends and frantic posts. I had never felt more united, and yet I could not relish in our closeness because I knew it was not the closeness of friends but the closeness of soldiers too young for war, huddling close as their imminent death rained down from the sky, searching for some last comfort at the end of their too-short stories.

"I won't pretend this isn't as bad as it is," I typed out, "honestly I'm freaking scared. But we owe it to ourselves not to let this be the end of our beliefs.

"We still know we're right, even if the government doesn't agree. We're still all in this together.

"Love to everyone who's affected by this. I'm right here with you. Stay safe everyone."

I posted the Instagram story, praying to a god I didn't know that the words were true.

the next night when the house and senate election results came in, I cried, and it was not pretty crying, it was a child wracked with sobs in the dark on the floor of their room because they were only seventeen and terrified for their future.

I spent a long time writing that night, something I do to process my thoughts when everything is too much. I will simply offer this passage, which I think speaks for itself.

"Shall I tell them I am afraid because of the election? Shall I tell them that all day I have felt like a child masquerading as a man, scared of the boogeyman as i am scared of the fascist-like creature whose grasp is tightening and whose claws never cease, closing in on lives like a predator its prey? That I am a child scared of insignificance, of a fate I did not choose, of becoming a meaningless name among many, not of democracy falling but of not being the one who felled it?"

So to everyone celebrating the election, I'm glad that you're happy, truly I am. But I ask you to think of me and my friends, still children, most of us not quite old enough to even have our say in this country, as you laugh and rejoice and mock all of us who you defeated.

How many times must we cry, must we fall, must we watch each other die before enough will be enough?

Will it ever be enough?

[kumkaniudaku]

Askew

Summary: Terry makes good on a promise.

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Black!OC

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: SMUT (18+)

Previous: At Last: Part Two

“I’m gonna fuck the glasses off your face tonight. Okay?” 

A simple sentence. No fanfare. No lingering touch or a suggestive look. Not even a repeat of his matter-of-fact declaration despite the words nearly being lost to the pockets of conversation in Corey’s kitchen during a rowdier than usual Friendsgiving gathering. Terry calmly whispered the plain statement into Patrice’s ear as he passed by on the way out of the door to join the other men in the backyard. 

Patrice tried to appear unphased while she sipped from her plastic cup of white wine. “Now?”

“I’ll let you know.” 

He’d made up his mind to have her babbling incoherent sentences while he bent her over the living room couch before they could make it out of the house, but holding in his little secret had proven difficult. Terry wished he could blame it on the tequila shots or the haze of weed smoke blown out of mouths far too federally employed to still be dabbling with the plant. Either would be an acceptable lie because the truth was too trivial to share. It was the North Carolina A&T crew neck and black cat-eye glasses Patrice had chosen to sport for the night. His mind dreamt up all the times he’d missed her studying for exams in the sweater a hair too large, and glasses that made her look like a professor during office hours while she bounced around the room making small talk with people he hardly recognized. His social butterfly moving her lips a mile a minute when all he wanted to do was feel those lips on every square inch of his body.

Terry needed her in the worst way. The bathroom might’ve sufficed. Maybe even the backseat of his truck. But neither option provided the sound insulation he needed to fulfill his raging desire. He’d need the privacy of their home and a TV turned all the way up to avoid disturbing the neighbors. 

The signal to leave came with a quick tap on Patrice’s hip in the middle of a spirited talk with her best friend, Vicky, about something he couldn’t care less about. 

“I guess that’s my cue, girl,” Patrice laughed, trying to play her role as the chatty wife being called away by her quiet husband. “Talk to you later?” 

Their exit featured hurried goodbyes and promises to return for the Christmas game night that they likely wouldn’t remember come daylight. Hands fumbled with keyfobs and door handles in their mad dash to somewhere a little more secluded. Blue lights from the dashboard reflected from Patrice’s glasses as they made out in front of their childhood friend’s house like maniacs, too intoxicated with lust to care if someone saw them from the open front door. 

One hand on the steering and the other middle and ring fingers deep in warm pussy had Terry breaking speed limits and running stop signs to turn a twenty-minute journey into ten if he were lucky. 

They didn’t waste time with light switches or picking up discarded clothing on the clumsy journey to the bedroom. A split second of clarity told Terry to flip on the lamp as Patrice made the descent to his dick one sloppy kiss on his chest and stomach at a time. 

“What you got for me?” 

More than he’d bargained for should’ve been the answer had she taken the time to use her mouth for anything more than making his muscled thighs tense like he’d been tased. 

With a pillow folded between her legs while she lay on her stomach and eyes looking up at Terry over the rim of her spectacles, Patrice put on an oral demonstration fit for a professional. Her glasses fogged from the cold air and steamy situation unfolding on their marital bed. 

The corners of her mouth stinging from the stretch of him and the ache building in her core kept her tethered to reality when she wanted to escape into the pleasure of seeing her man so vulnerable from her touch. 

He hissed and cursed as she ran a flat tongue on the underside of his dick. “Fuck, girl. I knew I’d get all of this up out you one day. Damn…” 

Gobbsmacked. Astounded. Sucked into oblivion. Terry had transcended time and space once Patrice made a home for him at the back of her throat over and over again. Spit coated her hands, chin, and his lap while she focused on leaving him too stupefied to utter anything that had more than one syllable. She could’ve swiped every dollar from his wallet, bank account, and retirement fund and he’d still thank her for inviting him into her mouth. 

Low groans and rough requests for more sounded like applause as Patrice went to work on her lover. His approach to the mountaintop matched hers as she desperately searched for friction from the pillow below her. 

“Hell yeah, like that, baby. You know what you doin’. Shit.” Praise came in heeps. Her silk press had long turned into reigns for Terry to keep her head stable. Tears mixed with saliva for extra lubrication. She looked gorgeous under amber light to her husband. 

Up and down, up and down. Take it. Gargle it down. Breathe through your nose. Looping mantras played in her head as he took control to finish what she’d started.  

His release came in a photo finish. His toes curled from pure ecstasy. Body seized up in beautiful suspension, each bulging muscle in his arms and torso on display. Head thrown back to direct his loud moan to the ceiling. Eyeballs rolled behind fluttering lids. Kids drained down the hatch, never to reach their full potential. 

She cleaned up the remnants with her tongue, splitting her attention between Terry and the building orgasm as she swiveled her hips against firm cotton. He stared down at her, taking in the way her jaw dropped to form that ‘o’ he loved so much. Her brow furrowed once her teeth took hold of her bottom lip. 

“That feel good to you, baby?” 

“Mhmm.” Patrice tried to give a more accurate description of her mind state. All she could manage was a slurred hum in the affirmative while he watched her unravel at the seams without his help. 

“Show me. I wanna watch.” 

And watch he did. Dick in hand and back pressed against the headboard, Terry used his refractory period to watch Patrice turn his pillow into her personal fuck toy. Her hips bucked slowly under his attention while she searched for her first eruption. 

His stroke matched her movements blow for blow while she admired her lone audience member. Siren eyes and a confident smirk, hands kneading bountiful breasts, and his name rolling from her lips kept him engrossed in her one-woman show. 

The inevitable approached like a crashing wave against a calm shore. “Let me cum for you, Terrence. Can I do that? Tell me.” 

Patrice knew the trouble she’d started. Using his first name, and asking for permission, it was all to elicit the reaction Terry so eagerly provided. He scrambled to his knees for the chance to hover over her with his forehead pressed so tightly against hers that they shared pools of sweat. 

Intense blue-green eyes peered down at her, wordlessly edging her closer to paradise. 

“Nuh uh, eyes up here,” Patrice instructed when the view of quaking thighs and waxed lower lips became too distracting for Terry. “Tell me when, my love. I’m all yours.” 

Her voice climbed, sounding like a symphony to his ears. He waited and watched until she met the brink of too much stimulation. “Now. Right now.” 

A rush of emotions forever intertwining two bodies flowed between them through a kiss dominated by silky tongues and Patrice’s swallowed mewls. Terry had perfected the art of kissing. Knowing when to suck at her bottom lip, when to wrap his large hand around Patrice’s throat to keep her head angled upward, and when to pull away for other pursuits. 

Normally, hickeys were childish evidence of adult activities, but tonight they were trophies for a job well done. 

“I love you so much.” Even in furious fucking where feelings took a backseat to more carnal desires, Terry refused to miss an opportunity to utter his favorite phrase. He sucked a nipple into his mouth, letting his tongue trace the outline of her areola to his heart’s content before pulling away to show the other the same attention. He listened to her sigh and smiled. “I love the way you sound.” 

“What else?” 

A lick up her sternum before a kiss. “I love the way you say my name.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I love your body. You’re perfect.” An open-mouthed kiss at the base of her neck as he gripped her waist. “I love the way you take dick. Especially tonight. Think you can take some more for me, pretty?”

Like a magnet, Terry’s fingers found their way to Patrice’s slick inner lips as he gathered wetness to drag skilled digits around her clit. Her breath audibly hitched from the contact, making him chuckle with his lips pressed against her cheek. Slow circles, maddeningly slow and gentle enough to feel like nothing at all had her willing to agree to just about anything to get off.

“Whatever you say, baby.”

Terry didn’t say much. It wasn’t his nature. Only short, honey-sweet directions for Patrice to press her chest to crumpled sheets and spread her knees wide. He made it so easy to comply. So easy to contort herself into any position he wanted because she knew what awaited her on the other side. 

He had her at his mercy. Her sat ass high up in the air with her flower on display from a gloriously deep arch. Terry felt an animalistic switch flip to remind him of his promise. Pupils dilated and reinvigorated by the lewd image manifesting at his fingertip, he went to work. 

A relentless pounding. Punishing strokes that made the bed creak from the stress of it all. The sheer force knocked Patrice’s glasses askew without an opportunity for adjustment. She could only claw at the foot of the bed and push her hips back into his to match the rhythm. 

The sound of smacking skin and mixed moans created a soundtrack for rabid, desperate fucking. His thumbs left impressions on the delicate skin of her back, turning his knuckles white as he dug deeper. 

Patrice took every inch like only she could, earning a rough smack as appreciation. 

“That’s my girl,” Terry gritted through clenched teeth. “Stay with me. I feel you.” 

It was all too much. The angle. The vision of Terry’s chest clenching and releasing for exertion as Patrice looked back at him. The way his brows knitted in concentration. The scent of his cologne wafted with every move. His tattoos glistened under dim lights.

“Oh my God!” 

Early sparks of a white-hot release turned Patrice into putty, forcing Terry to hold her close. 

One hand between her legs and the other putting soft pressure on the sides of her neck kept Patrice and Terry tethered on their quest for joint waves.

“I love you.” 

“I need you.” 

“You feel so good inside me.” 

“Kiss me. Please.”

“Cum for me.”

Terry sank his teeth into Patrice’s shoulder as she clenched around him, no longer able to contain himself as she clenched around him. Shared euphoria. A once in a blue moon experience that neither of them had encountered. 

Moans became indistinguishable. Eyelids clamped shut as hips sputtered. Glasses tumbled from the bed to the floor, having served their purpose. Bodies wrapped themselves around the other until they were spent, toppled over, and basking in the feel of each other. 

“Good job, baby.” Terry praised, his voice soothing her mind while his hands rubbed the peaks and valleys of Patrice’s hips and thighs while they lay on their sides. He couldn’t bring himself to pull out, too engrossed in the subtle aftershocks deep inside her body. “You okay? Talk to me.”

Patrice breathed out a delirious laugh as she turned to look at him over her shoulder. “I can’t see! I can’t believe you fucked me blind. You’re insane.” 

“How much time you got tonight? I got some shit I been wanting to do to you for a long time.” 

“Like what?” 

Whispers of new positions and marathon lovemaking made the hairs on her arms stand at attention. A second promise had entered the mix. 

They’d make a baby or spend the rest of the night and into the morning trying. 

---

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[perfectsunlight]

[31] DO IT

warnings: emotional distress, family conflict, intense feelings of isolation and public scrutiny.

ivory had always been afraid of being forgotten. not by her fans or the world—but by the one person who mattered most. even as a child, she would wake up in the middle of the night, wandering to her mother’s room, needing reassurance that jennie was still there. sometimes, she’d stand quietly in the doorway, watching the steady rise and fall of her mother’s breathing, too scared to wake her but too terrified to return to bed without knowing she wasn’t alone.

it was a fear she never spoke of, one that existed in the spaces between phone calls, in the empty chairs at school performances and birthday dinners. as she grew older, ivory learned to bury that fear beneath layers of independence and a carefully constructed persona. she became untouchable, unbreakable. but deep down, the fear never really went away. it just evolved—into a gnawing ache, a quiet desperation that simmered beneath the surface.

no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, no matter how fiercely she told herself that she didn’t need anyone, especially not jennie—there was always that part of her, that small, terrified child, that craved her mother’s presence. it didn’t matter that the world saw jennie as an untouchable icon, a woman too busy for mundane things like school recitals and family dinners. to ivory, jennie wasn’t a superstar. she was her mother. the one person whose absence felt like a constant void in her life, no matter how full her schedule or how loud the applause was at the end of the day.

as a child, it was easier to forgive. ivory could accept the excuses—the concerts, the tours, the interviews. her friends’ parents worked, too. it was normal, she told herself. but as she grew older, the empty seats at her events became harder to overlook. the brief phone calls shorter. the excuses thinner. and yet, despite all of that, ivory couldn’t bring herself to truly resent jennie. 

she couldn’t. she wouldn’t.

but she was scared. scared that one day her mother's calls would stop altogether. scared that the distance between them would grow so wide, neither of them would be able to bridge it. and now, standing at the center of this storm, that fear felt closer than ever.

the headlines hadn’t stopped since paris.

who is jennie’s mystery daughter? did k-pop’s queen secretly have a child? blackpink’s jennie: a liar and a mother?

the press had latched onto the grainy photos and videos of their argument like vultures circling a fresh kill. ivory had seen the way they twisted the story, the wild speculation that spread like wildfire across social media. the world now knew jennie had a daughter. 

and they knew it was her. 

jane had spent years keeping her identity hidden, living under the radar while the world worshiped her mother. she had liked it that way. the anonymity, the freedom to exist without the suffocating weight of expectations that came with being jennie kim’s daughter. but now? that fragile shield had been shattered, and the world was closing in.

the calls had started soon after the story broke. jennie, frantic, trying to reach her—voicemail after voicemail, the panic in her voice barely contained. ivory had listened to each one with growing dread, her finger hovering over the play button as her heart raced in her chest.

“valentine, please. i need to know you’re safe.” “jane, please. please just let me know you’re alright.”

there had been so much desperation in her mother’s voice, the kind ivory wasn’t used to hearing from her mother. jennie was always composed, always in control. but now, she sounded as if she was unraveling at the seams. and ivory couldn’t take it. she couldn’t bear to hear her mother like that, not when she had caused this entire mess.

so she ignored the calls. all of them. 

when the familiar buzzing showed on her screen every few hours, it felt like an unwanted reminder of the chaos she had unleashed, a storm that tore through both of their lives. each vibration sent a sickening twist through her stomach, a reminder of the gravity of her actions.

after the confrontation in paris, ivory had fled the hybe building, overwhelmed and reeling. she didn’t want to face anyone—not the paparazzi waiting outside, not her mother, and certainly not herself. so she slipped away, taking a cab to a small, rundown hotel in the heart of seoul, far from the flashing lights and the stares that burned into her skin.

her managers knew where she was, and they had told her to lay low until they figured out what they were going to do. 

the hotel was shabby, with faded wallpaper and a flickering neon sign that buzzed incessantly, but it offered a strange kind of solace. she checked in under a fake name, wanting to escape the reality of who she was and what she had done. here, she could hide from the world, drown in her thoughts, and figure out how to untangle the mess she had created.

days passed in a blur of solitude. the room was small and dimly lit, with a single window that overlooked the busy street below. she could hear the sounds of the city—the chatter of voices, the honking of horns, the distant thrum of music. but within those four walls, it felt as if she were in a different universe, one where time stood still and the chaos outside faded into a dull hum.

ivory found herself staring at the walls, the phone silent for days. she had turned it off, the weight of it resting on the nightstand like a stone. the outside world felt like a distant echo, muted and blurry. she had done this to think, to find clarity amid the storm of emotions that threatened to engulf her. but instead of solace, she was confronted with a suffocating silence that pressed down on her, amplifying her thoughts until they roared in her mind.

every night, she would curl up in the thin hotel sheets, staring at the ceiling as tears soaked into the fabric. the headlines blared in her mind, the way the world painted her as a reckless daughter, a girl who had turned her back on her mother. each image she had seen of jennie—stoic yet clearly shattered—felt like a knife twisting deeper into her heart.

maybe she had gotten it wrong all along? maybe it wasn’t jennie who was a bad mother, but perhaps ivory was just a bad daughter?

the thought gnawed at her, burrowing into the cracks she’d tried so hard to seal with layers of resentment and self-protection. for so long, she had told herself that her mother’s absences were her choice, that they were symptoms of a life she’d constantly chosen over jane. but maybe she’d been too harsh, too quick to judge. maybe, instead of seeing her mother’s absence as abandonment, she should have seen it as a sacrifice—the kind of sacrifice jennie had made over and over again for a career that demanded so much of her.

she remembered the times her mother had tried, the small efforts that jane had always brushed aside. 

the hasty texts on long flights, the brief hugs at drop-offs. the late nights when the idol would tiptoe into her room just to check if she was sleeping, her gaze lingering as if she could somehow make up for all the time she’d missed. ivory had shrugged those moments off as mere gestures, believing them to be obligations jennie fulfilled out of duty, not love. but now, lying alone in the dim room, the reality of it hit her in waves. what if those gestures had been her mother’s way of holding on? what if, in those tiny efforts, her mom had been showing her all the love she knew how to give?

the guilt was like a weight pressing down on her chest, making it harder to breathe. ivory had been so focused on what jennie hadn’t done. she had zeroed in on the moments she’d missed, that she’d blinded herself to the ways her mother had tried. she felt stupid now, like a fool who’d misread the intentions of someone she’d thought she knew.

and here she was now, hiding away in a hotel room, and pushing away her mother like she had always done. perhaps it was the only thing ivory was good at?

the irony stung. for so long, she’d told herself she didn’t need anyone, that she could stand on her own. but now the feeling of jennie’s absence left her hollow. what she wouldn’t give to hear her mother’s voice, to feel her arms around her, reassuring her that no matter what, she was loved.

she just needed to know that even though the world hated her, jennie didn’t. but how could she face the woman who had done so much for her now? how could she call and ask for comfort from her own mistakes?

it was unbearable.

the silence was thick, suffocating, punctuated only by the soft, shuddering breaths she tried to keep at bay. her hair clung damply to the sides of her face, sticking where her tears had traced lines over her skin, and she made no effort to brush it away. she was too tired, too drained to fight it. the shame was a living, breathing thing, curling around her ribs and squeezing until she felt she might break. she wanted to call, needed to hear her mother’s voice if only to remind herself that she hadn’t lost her for good. 

but fear held her still, paralyzed by the thought of what jennie might say—what if this time, she’d gone too far?

her mother had built her image, brick by brick, a fortress against the world. for as long as she could remember, jennie had been untouchable—a figure of grace and strength who carried her fame with an elegance that shielded them both. she was not only a mother but a force, someone who had learned how to guard herself against scrutiny, judgment, and the eyes of millions. 

and in one single night, ivory had torn it down entirely.

the thought made her throat tighten. it wasn’t just her mother’s disappointment she feared; it was the possibility that she might have broken something between them beyond repair. she could almost feel the weight of her mother’s silent gaze, the look jennie gave when words failed her, a look jane had always dreaded. how many times had jennie shielded her from the world, made sacrifices so she could have a semblance of a normal life, always trying to balance her career with the quiet reality of motherhood? 

the young idol slowly shifted to grab her phone, finally powering it on for the first time in days.

with a trembling hand, ivory unlocked her phone, its glow casting an eerie light across the dim hotel room. notifications flooded the screen—missed calls from jennie, countless unread messages, and a storm of news alerts she didn’t have the strength to open. she ignored them all, her thumb hovering over the search bar instead. she hesitated, feeling the familiar ache in her chest that had kept her silent for days, and then she typed in her mother’s name.

the videos started playing softly, her mother’s familiar voice filling the empty room like a gentle balm. some were clips from concerts, where jennie laughed and shouted with the crowd, her voice confident and warm. others were softer interviews, where she answered questions thoughtfully, her tone composed and steady. ivory’s heart twisted as she listened, letting her mother’s voice settle over her like a blanket, the sounds wrapping around her loneliness and fear.

as the videos played, she closed her eyes, imagining that jennie was right there beside her, as if these recordings could somehow bridge the distance between them. she could almost hear her mother speaking directly to her, calming her fears, reassuring her like she used to when jane was little, waking from a nightmare.

she remembered the times jieun would have to do the same thing she was doing now. jane always had trouble sleeping whenever jennie was gone. whenever her mother was away—on tour, at a shoot, anywhere the demands of fame took her—ivory would find herself wide awake, the shadows in her room feeling bigger and darker without jennie’s reassuring presence. the quiet would fill her with a familiar fear, that gnawing ache that maybe one day jennie might not come back at all.

on those nights, ivory would wander down the hallway, blanket in hand, and find jieun still awake, often reading by a small, warm light. jieun always seemed to know what was coming. she’d reach out, patting the spot beside her without a word. “couldn’t sleep, huh?” she’d ask gently, her voice soft but steady. ivory would nod, curling up beside her grandmother as she reached for her phone.

they’d spend those late hours scrolling through videos of jennie, watching old interviews and clips from concerts. her grandmother would play each one as if it were a lullaby, knowing that jennie's familiar laugh and voice were the only things that could ease ivory’s fears. ivory would lean her head against her grandmother’s shoulder, letting her mother’s voice wash over her until her eyes grew heavy, lulled by the warmth of her grandmother and the comfort of hearing her favorite person’s voice, even if only through a screen.

now, alone in a cheap hotel room, ivory found herself reaching for that same comfort.

the hum of jennie’s voice blurred the line between reality and memory. as she drifted further into sleep, ivory could almost believe that her mother’s hand was stroking her hair, whispering that everything would be alright, that no matter what happened, they’d get through it together.

when morning came, ivory slowly pulled herself from the mattress and forced herself to get up and shower.

the water came down in torrents, cold and sharp against her skin, but ivory barely felt it. she stood there, shoulders slumped, the steam from the shower swirling around her in thick clouds. her hands gripped the edge of the glass shower door as her mind spiraled, the weight of the decision she knew she had to make crashing down on her like the cold water that refused to wash away her guilt.

she had to do it. she had to put out a statement—one that would sever the last thread of connection between her and jennie. the world had already begun to twist the narrative, speculating and spinning stories. it was only a matter of time before the pressure would reach its boiling point, and she knew if she didn’t act quickly, everything would unravel even further.

but even as she told herself this, a pit formed deep in her stomach. the words she’d have to say—the lies, the betrayal—they burned in her chest. she couldn’t stop imagining jennie’s face, her voice on the other end of the phone, pleading for ivory to come back, for her to let her in again.

she could almost hear jennie’s voice now, asking, "why? why are you doing this, jane?"

the weight of her mother’s potential reaction was almost too much to bear. but there was no other choice. she had to distance herself. it was the only way to protect jennie from the media storm, from the chaos that ivory had set in motion. 

if she was ever linked to her, it would only drag jennie further into the mess. and she couldn’t do that to her, not after her mother spent so many years in the crosshairs of the public.

but at the same time, she couldn’t ignore the wrenching pain twisting in her chest, the unrelenting ache of tearing herself away from the only person who had ever loved her unconditionally. it wasn’t just the public denial—it was the emptiness of choosing silence over connection, the silence that would stretch between them, forever.

her breath caught, and before she knew it, the tears started to fall.

she didn’t bother to wipe them away. the water mixed with her tears as they streamed down her face. each sob felt like a jagged stone pressing into her chest, each breath a sharp reminder of what she was about to do.

she stood there for what felt like hours, the water running cold against her skin, as the weight of the decision consumed her. she wasn’t ready. she wasn’t ready to break her own heart. but what else could she do?

it was the only way to protect her mother. it was the final act of love she could show—to shield her from the chaos, just like jennie had done for her for many years.

the young idol’s body wracked with silent sobs, her shoulders shaking with the force of them, as the cold water continued to cascade over her, doing nothing to numb the pain. the girl slid down the wall of the shower, curling into herself, her body trembling with exhaustion and sorrow. the sobs finally quieted, replaced by a dull, hollow ache. she stared blankly at the drain as the water swirled down it, as if it could wash away the decision she was just about to make. but it wouldn’t.

there was no undoing this.

but as she looked at herself in the foggy glass, the reflection staring back at her seemed like a stranger. her eyes were red and swollen, her hair clinging to her face, but it wasn’t the image that haunted her. it was the feeling—the deep, gnawing emptiness that settled in her chest.

she wasn’t ready to be this person. the one who had betrayed the woman who had given her everything. 

it felt like an eternity before ivory got out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel, her body still trembling from the emotional storm that had passed through her. she stood for a moment, just staring at the floor, as if hoping for some sign, some sense of clarity, but nothing came. the room around her was still, and the weight of the world seemed to press down on her shoulders.

the idol opened her notes app, typing and deleting words over and over again. what could she say? or what should she say?

the sound of her fingers tapping against the screen felt deafening in the stillness of the room. each word she typed seemed hollow, inadequate—nothing could capture the depth of the turmoil swirling inside her. ivory’s thoughts were a mess, jumbled fragments of regret, guilt, and fear crashing against each other, leaving no space for the clarity she desperately needed.

finally, the girl decided on a few short, simple sentences. this would give them enough information for now. it would do its job, it would be a swift, clean cut.

with trembling hands, the idol opened instagram. all le sserafim members had access to the group’s social media. it seems that still rang true even in the midst of her controversy. do it. you coward, just post it. 

ivory screamed internally, the weight of the decision suffocating her as she paced frantically around the tiny hotel room. her feet moved almost instinctively, a frantic attempt to outrun the rising panic that clutched at her chest. she felt like she was suffocating, the air thick with the pressure of what she had to do, the knowledge of the damage she was about to cause, and the raw, burning shame that threatened to undo her.

she gripped the edges of the dresser, her knuckles white, and tried to steady herself. her breath came in short, uneven bursts, each inhale too shallow, too jagged. the sound of her heartbeat pounded in her ears, deafening and unrelenting.

the phone sat on the bed, waiting, but it felt like it belonged to someone else—someone stronger, someone more composed. not her. not the girl who had ruined everything, who had just irrevocably hurt the one person who had loved her unconditionally.

jane ran a shaky hand through her damp hair, the strands sticking to her face, her palms clammy with sweat. her mind screamed at her to just do it, to just press post and be done with it. but her body refused to listen, frozen in a state of panic, unable to make the final step.

she thought about grabbing a drink from the minibar, or a cigarette from the convenience store across the street. just something, anything, to numb the ache, to quiet the voice screaming inside her head. anything to give her the courage to end this.

instead, she found herself pacing again, faster this time, her feet slapping against the carpet floor as she raked her fingers through her wet hair. tears blurred her vision as she thought about the hell she was about to unleash.

she would never be able to fix this, to look in her mother’s face after what she’s going to do. how could she live with herself knowing she was the one to destroy whatever was left of their fragile relationship? that it was her delivering the final blow?

every step felt like a mile, every thought twisted into another dark, suffocating reality. jane grabbed the phone again, holding it in her trembling hands, but she couldn’t bring herself to unlock it. she squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to stop crying, but the tears wouldn’t listen. they streamed down her cheeks in hot, unrelenting trails, as if her body was rejecting the very decision she was trying to make.

the voice in her head, her inner critic, was louder now. you have to. and all she could do was cry harder, fall to her knees on the floor. she knelt hunched over the small device in her hands. ivory wiped her hot tears away, but they kept coming, the grief and shame bubbling to the surface, threatening to drown her.

“fucking do it,” she whispered hoarsely to herself, as though forcing herself to speak the words would somehow make it easier. but it didn’t. the room felt smaller, and the decision felt heavier. it felt like the entire world was pressing down on her, suffocating her, forcing her to face something she wasn’t ready for.

she was stuck. terrified. mortified.

the phone was still in her hand, and the post still wasn’t out. it felt like the silence of the room was mocking her. the minutes dragged on, stretching into eternity, until she collapsed onto the edge of the bed, holding her phone like a lifeline, but too scared to actually use it.

“i’m sorry, mom,” she whispered into the empty space, the words barely audible, as if apologizing to the void might make it somehow less real. “i’m so sorry.” the young girl swallowed thickly, her throat tight and raw, the weight of her words nearly suffocating her. she could feel the tightness in her chest as if it might collapse in on itself, her body trembling with the force of her guilt and regret. the silence of the room was deafening now, every breath she took louder than the last, like an unbearable countdown to a moment she knew she couldn’t escape.

but she had to. she had to do this.

the tears kept coming, streaming down her face with relentless force. she squeezed her eyes shut, her whole body shuddering with sobs that felt too deep, too jagged to put into words. it was as though her very soul was unraveling with each breath.

ivory tried to steady herself, but the weight of what she was about to do, what she already had to do, was suffocating. she couldn’t breathe. she couldn’t think. she couldn’t speak.

her hand shook as she clutched her phone, the cold screen and hotel walls staring back at her like a silent witness to her unraveling. she could hear her pulse hammering in her ears, each beat like a loud echo in the stillness of the room. the weight of the moment pressed down on her chest, so heavy it felt like she might drown beneath it. she swallowed again, her throat a dry, cracked thing, a raw, burning sensation creeping from her chest to her neck. the very air seemed thick with suffocating tension.

for a heartbeat, time stilled.

the phone felt like a foreign object in her hand, as if she no longer recognized the tool she was holding, the tool that would carve the irreversible. ivory’s fingers hovered over the screen, trembling with a fear that left her weak, her vision blurred by the constant stream of tears falling from her eyes. the words she had written earlier, so cold and detached, flashed in front of her like a cruel reminder of her betrayal. 

i’m sorry, mom. i’m sorry. i’m sorry.

“i’m sorry,” she audibly whispered again, a choked sob catching in her throat. the words tasted bitter, like they weren’t enough, like they could never be enough. her voice broke on the apology, and the sound of it made her stomach twist. the silence that followed it was even worse.

the room felt impossibly small now, as if the walls were closing in on her, boxing her in with her shame. she was suffocating, trapped between what she had done and the consequences of it that she could already feel closing in. the tears came faster, her chest tightening with each sob, each breath more frantic than the last.

with trembling hands, she scrolled down and found the post she had written. there it was—her confession, her betrayal, sitting on the screen, waiting to be sent out into the world.

it felt like an eternity before she could bring herself to press the button. each second stretched into infinity, like a thousand hands were holding her back, pulling her in different directions. she wanted to scream, to throw the phone away, to forget everything and run. but she knew she couldn’t. this was the only way.

with bated breath, ivory closed her eyes, feeling her heart race and her body tremble, and, with one final breath, she pressed post.

the screen flashed. her post was up. 

for a moment, there was nothing. the room was still, her heart beating in her chest like a drum, the silence deafening in its weight.

then, the floodgates opened. the weight of what she had done crashed down on her, each wave of grief so overwhelming it nearly knocked the breath from her lungs. she curled in on herself, sobbing uncontrollably, the phone slipping from her fingers, the screen glowing faintly in the corner of the room. 

from her position, she could see the influx of comments, each a nail in the coffin of the grave she had made. she had lied. she had denied her own mother in front of the entire world. but it was the only way. the only way to shield jennie from the relentless scrutiny, the only way to keep the world from devouring them both.

jane knew the headlines would only grow worse from here. the media would turn their attention to her, dissecting every part of her life, trying to uncover the truth. but she didn’t care. as long as they left her mother alone, as long as she didn’t have to endure the harsh spotlight again, ivory would take the heat. 

and she would do it alone. there was no going back.

all she could do was sit there, curled up on the floor of the hotel room, her heart breaking with every sob that tore through her.

she had posted it. she had betrayed her mother.

and now, nothing would ever be the same.

previous | masterlist | next

TAGLIST ⸺ ✶ @silantryoo @imahallucination11 @jisooftme @yerimbrit @linnnsworld @edeivveiss @urmom2314 @aespasoooool @mygfiswonyoung @yeetaberry127 @@sixflame438 @yourmyst4r @shegoswhoree @saysirhc @hwm1hyun @literallybipanic @yejiscene @gayforalll @yvsvrn @bunnywonyo @karifrogs @thefckghost @yoontoonwhs @pandafuriosa60 @somedaydream @hotluvlet @pagedpick7 @lizseos @cy8erpunkz @keiji-jin @lizseos @xszn @awkwardtoafault @hellokiraa @chicopichu @chocolatestrawberrykryptonite @lesbian4themis @literallybipanic @tjdc25 @st4r4ngel @jihyos-hoe @jxmis @phamianaz

CLOSED.

[tsams-is-my-hyperfixation]

◀ | ◼ | ▶

[NONVERBAL SUN AU: LUNAR]

Moon skipped around. He was finally learning how to walk! Sun watched him, smiling softly. It was after hours again, with all the kids going home. Moon stopped abruptly, looking at a barrel. He then walked over to Sun, poking his shoulder. Sun turned to look at him. "What's wrong, Moon?" the solar animatronic asked. Moon blinked. "I feel weird" Moon responded. Sun sighed, as Moon sat down. Sun got on his knees and powered him off. Then, he went into the mindscape.

Moon's mind was...peaceful. It was a nice little island, with the nighttime sky shining down on it. The light of the moon illuminated the walls of a gazebo in the middle. Then, he saw something. It was quick, but Sun noticed. It looked like Moon, but it glowed. It was smaller than Moon, about 6'7. Sun walked over to the gazebo, the midnight moon shining a light that let him see. The stars glowed softly in the night sky, so beautiful it looked unreal. Sun put a hand on the door frame as he peeked inside. He saw the glowing blue eyes. "Hello?" he asked, and his voice echoed into the vast darkness surrounding him.

"Yes?" a smaller, higher voice greeted him. He flinched, surprised, but quickly gathered himself together. "Why are you in my brother's head?" Sun asked. "Head? This is my home!" the voice responded. Sun, taken aback, responded with a sharp "This isn't your home, this is my brother's head!" in which the voice replied with a raspberry sound. Sun walked in, and when the blue eyed thing tried running, he caught it. Staring it dead in the eyes, he realized it was none other than a kid. Mentally, at least.

"Who are you." Sun asked it. "I'm Lunar!" it responded. Sun, surprised, put it down. "Lunar, eh?" he said. "Tell me, Lunar, why are you occupying my brother's mind?" "Because I was made here and I live here!" Lunar responded back sharply. Sun glared at him. He was REALLY not liking this kid. "Listen. You're gonna stop causing my brother discomfort, okay?" he said sternly. "But I'm bored!" Lunar responded with, annoyed. "I'LL GET YOU SOME GAMES, ALRIGHT?" Sun snapped, making Lunar flinch under his voice. It took him a bit to realize that the guy was tearing up. He sighed in exasperation.

"Look. Sorry for yelling. I'll get you some games, okay? But stop making Moon uncomfortable." he told Lunar. Lunar silently nodded as Sun left the mindscape. When returned, Moon was powered back on, hugging him. "I feel better, brother!!!" Moon exclaimed happily, to which Sun pat his back. "Good...that's good..." he said softly. "Sunny, we must be close in EVERY universe, right?" he said happily.

"..." Sun didn't have the heart to say that a universe probably existed where nothing was as good as now. "Yeah...probably..."

I LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH!!! The island is where Moon died originally though...

Tagging people who might like it even if we aren't mutuals: @goodolddumbbanana @noinoi999 @ikamigami @multifandomcutie13 @thekillermaretwinz @inkyucu @skyuvu123 @ryomaandgundhamkin @coffee-the-bat @sen-sational @dagh0stking @ilikescience-confession-blog @tsamsconfessions123 @silly-a-777 @nosleepygay @eddwardharrison @bloodmoon-da-idiot @lunarlovesbeanbags @mo0ndr0p @sleepy-hall @a-fucking-tornado @rayofmfsunshine1201 @darksuns-beloved-pet @letthebloodrunlikeariver @astrofairy06 @sunny-sourzii @upsidedownapple @yelesomeblue @deyisacherry @zampop2 @h-didanart and literally anyone else. Half the people on here are not my mutuals and half of them are. If you would like your tag removed, just ask me and I gladly will. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED!

[pond-froggie]

When Ford was living in the shack alone, he came across a creature that towered over him with lanky limbs, protruding bones, and antlers coming out of its skull. He of course dedicated a page to it in his journal. He realized the creature was trying to communicate with him but he was never able to understand what it was trying to say. He then kept discovering other anomalies and moved on from it. 

However, it would knock on his windows and door and be especially persistent when it was raining. It always followed Ford around whenever he was in the forest, indirectly chasing off other creatures. He got fed up with it keeping him awake at night so he set traps, nothing to hurt it but just to get it suck in a way that it can get out on its own so it stays away. And it works. Ford only ever saw it in the corner of his eye. Ford then meets Bill, builds the portal, realizes he made a mistake, Stan comes, Ford goes through the portal. 

Stan has journal one which he can't fix the portal with on its own so he goes searching in the forest for the other journals. He can't find them. He breaks down and yells and sits in the middle of the forest and cries where no one can hear him. Or so he thinks. 

He somehow hears rustling of leaves through his sobbing and he looks up from his hands and finds a beast towering over him. His breath catches in his throat and he tries to scramble away but he's too shaky from his breakdown. 

The beast looks at him curiously before going down on all fours and showing its neck. That seems to calm Stan down. He thought that all the weird creatures in the journal were just some form of creative expression but he remembered seeing something like this. 

Stan pulled the journal out and flipped through it eventually finding the page. He showed the creature, feeling silly for a second until it nodded and pointed to itself. The creature slowly reached towards Stan, closing the journal before pointing to the six fingered hand on the cover then to Stan's five fingered hand and making a confused trill. 

“Ohhh buddy, you're not going to believe this.” 

Turns out he did believe it. 

Stan explained everything, the creature looked sad but not all too shocked. Stan asked if it was close to Ford. The creature made a pained grunt and showed him with leaves. 

It took one red leaf and had it move around from leaf to leaf before stopping at a leaf with a pebble on it. The red leaf moved away from it but the leaf with the pebble followed. The creature made angry grunts and growls before leaving the leaf with the pebble behind again but the leaf with the pebble still followed, just out of sight. 

“That makes two of us… Wait! So you know where the other journals are!” 

The creature nodded. 

“I need them to fix the portal. Can you show me where they are?” 

The sun had set by the time Stan had all three journals in his possession. He rushed back to the cabin but stopped at the door, looking back at the creature standing just at the edge of the treeline. 

“We’ll talk more tomorrow, I promise.”

The next day, Stan found him in the clearing behind the cabin. He brought along the three journals, books he thought might be relevant, and notebooks that were filled with Fords equations. He plopped it all on the ground and threw himself down along with it.

“Buddy, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm never going to get him out of there. I never even graduated highschool, how the hell am I supposed to understand all this?” Stan pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes till spots formed. 

Stan listened to the papers rustling and figured there was no harm in letting the creature look. He then felt a tap on his shoulder. He pulled his hands from his eyes and looked up at him. 

“What.”

The creature tapped his finger against the pages so Stan looked. He pointed to different topics in the textbook then to different equations and sections in the portal drawings. 

“You saw him do all this?” 

The creature shook his head. He pointed to himself, then to his head, then to the pages. 

“You KNOW this stuff!” 

He made a ‘so so’ hand gesture.

Stan's excitement slid off his face and was replaced with sadness. 

“You weren't always like this, were you?”

The creature shook his head sadly. 

“Is there a way I can cure you?”

The creature's eyes went wide before he nodded. 

Stan pushed the pencil and paper towards the creature but he just shook his head. After some back and forth they figured out a communication method. It was slow, but worked. The creature would point to words in all the books and Stan would figure out what he was trying to say from that. 

The cure was simple. Gnome spit, fairy dust, unicorn snot, and manotaur sweat. Mix together and wipe it on his forehead. 

Yeah… Simple.

The gnomes were more than happy to give some spit if it meant getting the creature out of their forest. They also gave a discount on fairy dust for the price of one pb&j. Stan found the unicorns and started insulting the mane of the first one he saw, making it cry. He watched the Manotaurs for a while and his first plan was to challenge one to arm wrestle until he saw one snap a small tree like a twig. So he challenged them to stand on hot coals. Good thing they aren't well acclimated to humans and dont know that human feet don't look like Ford's temperature proof boots. 

Stan hiked back down to the cabin and gathered all the ingredients together. 

“You better be a cute human.” Stan groaned, glaring up at the beast most only have nightmares about currently sitting and grinning like a dog about to get a treat. 

He smeared it across his forehead and nothing happened for a few seconds until he collapsed on the ground and started writhing in pain. Stan watched as his bones contorted and skin grew in places where there wasn't before, but where there was supposed to be. 

He was turning human. 

After an agonizing minute of Stan listening to the pained growls turn into groans and yells into words and pants, a human is left lying on the ground. He holds his hands in front of him and stares at them, smiling. 

“Ugh, spit, snot, ‘n sweat? Really?!” The man wipes the mixture off his forehead. “Thank you Stanley.” He smiles up at him. 

“Uh, yeah, ‘course.” Stan rubs the back of his neck. The two smile at each other for a little bit before the man startles out of it. 

“Oh! I’m sure you have questions and now that I can talk, I’d be glad to answer them.” 

“What about your name?” 

“Oh good golly how could I forget. Fiddleford McGucket.”

“Well Fidds, how about you get settled and some real food in you that isn’t whatever you were eating out there, and then we can get to the questions.” Stan gestures to the cabin behind him. 

“That would be nice.”

When they manage to get Ford out he asks Fiddleford who he is. He grabs the journal and opens to his page and explains the curse. 

“Im surprised someone like Stanley could figure out how to communicate with you.”

“I opened the portal once to get you out, I could open it again to shove you back in, again. And I know how you treated Fidds when he was cursed, you were too stupid to see he was trying to talk to you.”

“I had more important things to work on. Besides, I would have gotten it eventually.”

“Ya barely even tried…”

~~~~~

LORE

Fiddleford told his wife he wanted a divorce and she conveniently has a witch friend that she got to place a curse on him. He wasn't able to make the cure himself or be there when the ingredients were collected. When he was cursed, he was told how to make the cure and its impossible for him to forget it. He was unable to talk or write. As for how he got to Gravity Falls… something something weirdness magnet- I don't know. 

[kentosweetheart]

Sinners

Warning: +18, suggestive theme, tit sucking, handjob (not proofread)

Pairings: Nanami X VampireReader

Words: 538

Author: This is a little something I wrote some time ago. I will probably elaborate and dive deeper into it

- I have sinned

The voice on the other side whispered. The deep tone projected each word with hesitation, as if he were preventing himself from pronouncing them. His restless hands were clasped together, as if he were ready to kneel down and pray. A drop of sweat ran down his neck from his brow, slowly sliding down. The man could no longer tell if he was sweating from nervousness or from the heat emanating from that small cubicle. 

- Tell me, brother, what was your sin? 

A hot breath came towards him. A heavy, hot cloud that left him intoxicated for a few seconds, disoriented. His head seemed to spin, while his breathing became heavier. The air seemed thin just hearing the sweet voice answer him through the thin wall that separated them. 

- Confide all your sins to me, and you will find freedom… forgiveness

[...]

The defenseless lamb felt pressed against a wall. He didn't sleep, he didn't eat, he had constant nightmares and he lived by watching his own shadow. The poor man constantly felt haunted by voices that whispered the dirtiest obscenities in his ear, making him tremble at the touch of the slightest breeze on his skin.

Every night it was repeated, he dreamed of Sister Y/n, the poor sister who, in his eyes, was as pure and innocent as a flower that had just bloomed. In the dreams, she stood beside his bed, her eyes were red as blood, and her smile was capable of making even the most holy and devout man sin in the most lustful way before his gods.

Almost as if in flashes, he saw everything as a blur, and the sister moved skillfully and quickly. She partially took off her clothes, letting her full breasts escape. Her nipples were even more erect with the cold wind that came from the window. She moved towards the man, promising to cleanse all impurity from his being, all feelings of greed and all desire instilled in his soul would go away, he would only have to do what she told him.

Her breasts met his hungry mouth, just like a man longing for an oasis in the middle of the desert. He sucked, licked, and nibbled so aggressively, leaving marks on the immaculate skin. All the while, the sister held him in her lap, just like a mother comforting her child. Her delicate hands held his throbbing member, sometimes making slow, sometimes fast movements. The head was an aggressive, angry red tone, as if it were about to explode at any moment.

The pure touch of that maiden made him press his eyes tightly, leaving them closed because he could not believe or accept that the scene before his eyes was real. He, lying on the lap of that beautiful woman, while her eager breasts bordered under his face, the poor nipples abused by the hungry mouth of that poor sinner, contaminated by the teeth that left marks all over their length and the saliva that left its trail. He licked sloppily, he didn't care about getting covered in the delight in front of him, in the deepest part of his core, he wanted to infect and dilapidate all the purity and nobility of that woman of faith.

[goldenboywrites]

“I’m not mad, just so you know,” Oliver whispered to Cassio as they made their way out of the kitchen and toward the living room. He tugged on the blonde’s sleeve, stopping him in the hallway before the living room. Oliver wrapped his arms around Cass’ waist, pulling his boyfriend into a hug. “The history between you guys doesn’t bother me. I just saw the look on Isaac’s face, and I felt bad.” They all knew Cassio walked on eggshells around Isaac. Oliver thought it would get better when they weren’t all at uni together, but then Cassio and Apollo started a business together, and nothing changed. He thought about asking Cass what Apollo had said, but he knew better. He knew there was a good reason if his boyfriend kept things from him. He leaned forward, placing a light kiss on the corner of Cassio’s mouth, slipping his hand in his and lacing their fingers together. He had forgiven Cassio for his secrets back when they were in school, but he didn’t forget about them either. 

He pulled Cassio into the living room and stopped in the doorway. The bags he had brought for Theodore had exploded everywhere. Every toy box had been ripped to shreds, and the toddler sat in the middle of all the chaos, playing with a toy train happily. At the sound of their steps, the little boy turned, flashing them the wildest and brightest smile he had ever seen. “Uncle Ollie!! Uncle Cassie, come play with me.” 

Oliver pulled Cassio to the center of the room. He sat down next to Theodore and picked up the blue train. Oliver wheeled it around in a circle and then pretended to crash into the red one Theodore was playing with. “Theodore,” he said gently, “I’m so happy to see you again. Remind me, when was the last time we got to hang out? I feel like it’s been forever.” 

Theodore chewed on his bottom lip, mulling it over in his mind. “Mmm, dad’s birfday, I think,” he said, seemingly satisfied with that answer because he went back to playing with his train. 

“What did we do for his birthday?” he asked, shooting a quick glance at Cassio because they both knew what they had done. They had thrown a surprise party for Apollo because the man had refused to do anything celebratory, and Oliver loved to press his buttons. 

“The prize party,” Theodore replied, that wild, feral grin on his face. “He was big mad.” They had broken into their home before Apollo came home with Isaac’s blessing, so it wasn’t breaking in. When Apollo walked in, he looked at them, shook his head, and pouted in his bedroom. Maybe he pouted, but that was unconfirmed, and he didn’t come back down until Isaac went and got him. He remembered the night quite well but knew Theodore hadn’t been there. Yet he had details of the day as if he was. How? When Apollo’s almost-wife was never there, 

Theodore played mindlessly, and Oliver turned to look at Cassio.

_______________

Not many things intimidated Apollo for his entire life; intimidation had been used against him to keep him in line. Eventually, it stopped working. But the look on Isaac’s face was enough to bring it all back to the front. Apollo felt like a little boy standing before him with his hand in the cookie jar. For a moment, he wondered if this would be enough for Isaac to leave him. If this were the last misstep, he would have freely given Apollo. He moved towards Isaac before stopping himself; his lips pressed into a thin line as he stood in front of his boyfriend.

“Isaac,” He started, wringing his hands together before he shook his head and moved to his boyfriend. “Baby, listen to me.” Apollo cradled the man’s face in his hands, brushing his curls away from his face. He held Isaac’s glare confidently, unwaveringly. “I had panic attacks growing up. Cassio taught me Russian to help quiet my mind when everything got overwhelming. It makes me stop and think. It’s a distraction.” It was not technically a lie because that was how it started until they realized it gave them a way to communicate together without prying ears. He brushed his thumb across Isaac’s cheekbone. “It’s not secrets; it wasn’t even directed at him. I was just commenting. He didn’t even say anything back to me. I just was too in my head, and saw him and slipped into it like I was 14 years old again.”

He pulled Isaac to him, wrapping his arms around his neck and molding his body against his boyfriend’s, waiting for him to return the hug. Stubborn, Apollo thought, but he hadn’t pushed him away yet. “I’ll teach you,” He whispered, soothingly brushing his fingers along Isaac’s neck. “If you want, you can know what is being said so you don’t ever feel left out again.” He propped his chin on Isaac’s shoulder, looking up at his stoic boyfriend. “I didn’t call him for help, Isaac,” Apollo spoke softly, “I called you. You say the word, and I'll kick them both out, and we can figure this out ourselves."

The weight of Apollo's arm around his waist was truly more than he could deal with at that moment. Though he made no gesture to stop him from touching, Isaac went completely rigid feeling Apollo getting closer. This was just like it had been back in college. All the secrets and strange happenings. Only this time the problem was sitting a room away, drooling all over himself. He supposed that was better than an entire fiance and wedding just waiting at the drop of a hat. But Isaac kept his gaze forward and merely smiled at Oliver because he didn't trust his own voice not to betray him at that moment.

Cass didn't dare reply to him when he'd caught the tone in Oliver's voice. But he couldn't deny that Apollo had a point. While the other two didn't know what they were up to, it was entirely possible that it was something they would do. But why a child? That was what he couldn't understand. Of all the crazy things to happen or even be possible, a child seemed far too much a risk. His mind was racing with possibilities and what ifs. "He only said it was crazy and he couldn't believe something like this was happening." He quickly interjected, taking Apollo's point to detour both Isaac and Oliver off this subject as smoothly and quickly as possible. "I think anyway."

He'd slid himself behind Oliver and brought his hand slowly up the center of his back. "I almost didn't recognize it." He told Apollo and the other two. Which was a complete lie. His grandfather would have been insulted to hear either of them say it was just a stupid language. A strong, noble language. Just as their dancers. "I guess that's my fault for not keeping up with it." He felt a little laugh accompany that but he was too busy tangling his fingers through Oliver's hair just then. But what if he's right? Cass glanced over at Apollo, being careful to avoid Isaac at all costs in that moment. "But maybe you're right. We might be able to get something he may not be willing to tell the both of you." He turned and leaned in to kiss Oliver's cheek and sighed. "If nothing else perhaps we can at least make some use of the toy store Uncle Ollie has seemed to acquired today." He teased and drug Oliver behind him and out of the kitchen before he could actually protest. He was damn glad for it too. The blond drew in a deep breath but it did little to slow the trains and trains of thoughts no littering his head and he and Apollo couldn't discuss in private. He doubted they would the rest of the night at this rate.

The door swung shut behind the two and it felt as though the walls and swallowed them. Isaac turned on Apollo with fury glaring in his eyes. There had always been an understanding since the beginning. Cass and Apollo were sort of a package deal. Where one went, the other followed. And for a while it had been fine but at some point, Isaac had hoped that need between them would have died down. Especially with both he and Oliver in the picture. Both relationships flourished but then there was just always what that was between Apollo and Cassio. Isaac wasn't sure if it was jealousy but there was always just something, some part of Apollo that he would never have. And Cass would. And it irritated him into his very soul. "Wha' the fuck was tha'?" He asked so abruptly he damn near startled himself.

Isaac sniffled slightly, settling into his own body without Apollo's warmth against him. It stung, and given the rest of their day, all he had wanted was just to take this slow and figure it out without involving everyone else and their nine aunts twice removed. Instead, there were at least three, possibly four if Apollo had found a moment to get a word out to his sister, that they now had a toddler in their possession that was calling the both of them dad. "You tell me wha' ya said to hi' righ' now Apollo o' I swear I ..." He trailed off, feeling the fury rushing through his veins and he drew in a deep breath, calming himself for just the briefest of moments. "I will no' allow secrets. I don' know wha's goin' on wi'h this kid bu' you will no' keep things from me." He felt how cold his gaze must have been before he continued. "Especially no' if this has somethin' to do wi'h her o' your family o' the blonde in the otha room." He paused, feeling his mouth go dry as he spoke again. "Wha' did ya say to him?"

[mazzy-rockstar]

Gone a little far, gone a little far this time with something 🎶

How was I to know, how was I to know this high came rushing

[honeyvenommusic]

❗️NEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A picture of a small plastic bag containing hundreds of tiny yellow mantises hatching from an ootheca. End ID.]

BABY MANTIS INCIDENT!!!!!! WHAT DO I DO

[3moghost]

i think

i think im pretty badly fucked up if in my hour of most desperate need, im afraid of calling anyone for help because i dont want to ruin their good mood

[kisaxiii]

Have you ever had a dream about someone you haven’t seen, much less even thought about, in like over a decade?

[poppyseed799]

I have this problem that’s like the opposite of nostalgia or something where some things I remember liking a lot as a child I look back and only remember the bad times.

This is specifically about Animal Crossing, loved that game as a kid, but I have literally no idea why, cuz it was just pure hell for me from what I can remember.

[fingertipsmp3]

Can’t tell if I actually genuinely think this job interview tomorrow is a bad idea, or I’m just trying to convince myself it is because I don’t want to do it

[yzzart]

౨ৎ⊹. BOYFRIEND!KENJI HEADCANONS!

── content warnings: F!reader, mention of Emiko, Emi and Mina, Ultraman form, Kenji being a little needy (once again), fluff, a little something to warm our hearts and minds so dreamy.

── word count: 683!

⭑.ᐟ Underneath, and sometimes over, tight-fitting t-shirts and extremely expensive fabrics, wear a necklace; however, there is something special there. — His promise ring hangs on the gold chain; like a talisman, something that surrounds he with luck and passion. — Staying attached and close to you, even with a small object.

⤷ If he needs to think or try to decide something dramatically important and you're not around, Sato will take his fingers to the necklace and hold the ring; looking for guidance. — Oh, and waking up, before him, and contemplating that shiny and significant piece, which rests on his broad chest, is angelic.

⭑.ᐟ It's not uncommon to feel, in the middle of the night, Kenji's face trying, persistently, on your neck; readily, wanting to harness the huge and strong body between your. — He doesn't care about the grotesque difference in size, just at that moment, and he doesn't give up.

“Kenji, be careful…!” — Your voice, fully, drunk with sleep and maintaining stillness, murmured between the boy's black and shiny locks; who only responded with a snore, more like a purr and clinging even tighter to you.

⭑.ᐟ Sato can't keep his hands off you, no matter what's going on, what you're doing or what simple task you're performing; hands on your waist, kisses on every exposed and revealed part of your body, thin and wide fingers catching on some part of your clothes. — Don't be upset with him, this poor man is in love with you.

⤷ One day, Mina compared him to a sloth and obviously got a frown of disapproval and the adorable Emi observes how her “father” remains so attached to her “mother”. — Even laughing and grunting when he saw a completely sleepy and desperate Ken crawling towards you.

⭑.ᐟ Please, we have, we need to talk about all the times Kenji and Emi train together, most of the time, being just leisure moments, you sit in the stands, virtually, scheduled and cheer for them; accompanied by Mina. — The feeling of nostalgia, remembering an incredible part of his life, is exposed in Ken's chest; remembering his mother.

⭑.ᐟ I can easily imagine Ken pressing his nose against your cheek or neck wanting your attention; also, when he wants to show you the way Emi is sleeping, enjoying the baby's sweetness. — And, together, pressing his forehead against yours during countless moments of the day and night, when you get home after confronting some creature and every time he want to say "i love you" to you.

⭑.ᐟ This man knows you like the back of his hand; no one can disagree or dispute this fact. — Kenji pays attention to your gestures, noticing your body language and, for a matter of seconds, he knows that something is bothering you; and, there he is, dedicating himself, with all his attention, to doing his girl well.

⭑.ᐟ Funny situations, for Ken, between you and his Ultraman form are included in your lives. — Once, while chasing Aboras, he ended up finding you on the street, wanting to go home, and clearly he was distracted by wanting to cause a provocation. — Mina gave the boy a long, and rightly so, scolding.

“Go back to the house, young lady.” — The robotic voice filled a part of the city's environment, wanting to convey an authoritarian image. — “You know…” — He pointed one of his gigantic fingers in your direction, then towards the place he was. — “The streets have been very dangerous lately.” — Oh, you stopped yourself from answering him like you really wanted to.

“Thank you, so much, for the advice, Ultraman.”

⭑.ᐟ There are nights — many, many nights — that Ken spends watching, contemplating you sleeping, peacefully; your face remained full, without signs of tiredness, exquisite and messy locks spread out, this was adored by the player's eyes. — Between seconds of fascination, Kenji longed, dreamed, deeply and painfully, of his mother meeting you; this way, she would have the chance to know the light that raised her dear son.

⤷ Kenji prospers, sometimes praying, that one day his mother will return, safe and sound, and be able to achieve what he wants so much in his life.