#i rly like this one too :( i dont want it to be gone :(

[arsenicflame]

👍 i have dropped an earring (not small) and it has disappeared into another dimension never to be seen again

[itsalwaysdark]

i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.

[girl-bateman]

Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍

[nomaishuttle]

i do fr need to work on differentiating between "actually middleclass" and "doesnt live paycheck to paycheck" lmao bc that is something i struggle with... obviously ik i have more in common with like. even somebody whos fr middleclass disney vacations every year. I know i have more in common with them than i do with bezos but god at least i dont have to see bezos being annoying in front of me every day KJANDJKLNLJD

[phagodyke]

well.

[skywarpshydroflask]

now that we're passed halfway thru season 3 of rescue bots i feel like the show is starting to annoy me a lot less im having a lot more fun now

[tkbrokkoli]

me pre T: wow, some guys are rly impatient for their results on T. it's puberty after all and takes year!

me, two days on T: pakige?

[caruliaa]

omitb spoilerss but before the season 3 finale i want to say and get out there tht i think tobert is involved in the murder some way, i do think tht donna(or maybe cliff) was involved but i also think tobert is part of it either the murder itself or covering it up

[ritsufeet]

stay with me.

longing [ ft. m. kaiser ]

i don’t want u to leave… in which kaiser longs for you more than he thought he would.

k by cigarettes after sex heavily recommend to listen to while reading!!

all works from luvmouche & ritsufeet on tumblr.

𒁷 sfw, (forced to) made for ivelle (@n6gi)

𒁷 cw// hurt comfort(?), kaiser is too busy for u (dickhead), but it gets better i think, mutual longing, kissing smooch smooch, umm idk what else, kaiser tw🤓, “m” is his nickname given by the reader, rly short fic btw, slightly ooc kaiser but yk what idc!

i made this for ivelle this is literally yhe only bllk fic ill ever make (maybe) also i dont even like kaiser (kurona bwtter) i originally made this in my notes app i had to decide whether or not i eveb wanted to post this on tumblrHelp

synopsis: michael kaiser is a cruel, busy man—yet he finds himself pining for your warmth more than he expected.

not proofread!!!

kaiser, michael

your boyfriend, michael kaiser, who’s a famous, up and coming athlete, never has any time for you.

“i’m leaving, i have a meeting today.” he says, hurriedly pushing his shoes on with heavy sighs. you look at him and frown, “again? m, you never have any time for me anymore…”

“i know, but i’ll make it up to you, i promise. just not today, i’m busy.” he huffs, frowning right back at you, his blonde hair sways messily in front of his face and his fingers coming up to brush them up and out of the way again. you frown deepens and you sigh.

he looks up at you, his eyebrows furrowed. “what? what’s wrong with you?” his question only makes you sadder.

“can’t you stay?”

“no, i can’t. you know this. i said i’d make it up to you, didn’t i? trust my word.” you know this, you already know… but you can’t help but already begin to miss him.

he’s often gone for long hours, sometimes it’s more than just hours. it’s hard loving him when he’s absent majority of the time, and when he’s not gone, he’s doing something else that doesn’t involve spending time with you. what could be so important, anyway? of course, you love him, you love his career and support him with everything you can, but he could at least love you a little back.

you slowly walk over to him when he’s finished putting on his shoes. he looks at you with soft eyes, a face that he doesn’t show often. vulnerability that doesn’t come easily to him, something he only shows to you. “i’m sorry,” he says, his hand cupping your cheek. you relish in his touch, leaning into his palm. “i really wish i could stay too. you know that as well as i do.” he caresses your cheek, sliding his thumb over your skin.

“i get it… you should go, you don’t want to be late, right?” you look at him giving a reassuring smile. “i’ll be here, like i always am.” his heart aches as those words leave you, and the urge washes over him. he brings himself to your lips and kisses you—sweet, quick, and loving. he lets himself linger there for as long as he needs to. he doesn’t want to be late, yet he finds himself not wanting to move a single inch away from you. he wants to stay, wants to be here with you and the comfort of your kisses.

you pull away instead, you put your hand right above his—the one caressing your cheek so gently and longingly that you fear that it’d break his heart if he tore it away—and squeeze it. his face is solemn, his gaze wavering. he’s staring at you, but he looks away, as if hesitant to say anything. then, he looks at you again, and purses his lips. “..i love you.” your reassuring smile turns into a genuine one. “i love you too, m.”

he pulls you into a hug, holding you longer than just a few seconds, and he can hear himself the moment he decided to just go ‘ah, fuck it.’ a barely audible chuckle comes from his voice leaving you wondering what’s so funny.

“on second thought, i don’t think they’ll mind if i miss a day or two.” he says, smiling.

a/n: i hope ur happy ivelle. k bye im tired fuckkk

[kindlespark]

this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //

i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.

and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee

[aq2003]

trying to parse out my thoughts. i will ignore my gripes about "gallifrey being the doctor's planet" thing i can just chalk that up to "the doctor under moffat is the universe's most special boy" stuff and i buy it more when it's capaldi anyway so it's not that. i think it's bc it's sort of a very... strange narrative that gets put forward. i want to say what bothers me is that twelve doesn't suffer horrible consequences for the stuff he pulls this episode but it's not exactly that, he suffered 4 billion years of torture bc he was trying to save clara. i think it's that the problem directly presented through twelve is that he simultaneously knows that his companion's mortality, specifically clara's mortality, is one of the reasons he as this thousands-year old being needs her so much (it's why he rejects ashildr), but also she is his one tether to earth and he willing to go places he's never gone before in order to keep her safe. and, like, in an era that feels very informed by death as a theme, it feels weird that twelve isn't given a chance to ... accept her death? live knowing she made her choice to be like him? i think this is supposed to mirror donna's s4 ending, but the tone doesn't fit. donna's s4 ending was horrible and tragic for both her and ten and journey's end makes you KNOW it's horrible and tragic. here the tone feels bittersweet, like this episode is trying to say that twelve is in some ways freer without the memory of clara and that just. doesn't feel. totally right. also i like clara ashildr gay space time traveller immortals together forever but i do wish i got to see their relationship being developed

hell bent is another case of "i'm not sure whether i like this or not" episode

[chaostudee]

the secret of us , chapter four.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

a couple of hours later you are at home getting ready with your friends to go out but you cant help it when your eyes briefly scan the piece of paper that lewis gave you.

your cheeks burn as you remember the interaction but you know better that nothing can become of it yet you slip the piece of paper into your purse along with your lip gloss and keys.

once you arrived at the club you followed your friends to the bar where you all bought a round of shots. a couple of hours later you find yourself on the dance floor swaying from side to side with a beer in your hand to the music.

although the main purpose of tonight was to forget him you couldn't help but think about the way his eyes latched onto yours or when your hands brushed when he slipped you his number.

you stop dancing and gulp thinking about it. you look around in the mob of people only to find your friends no where to be found. your first instinct was to find your purse of course which luckily you had but you were distraught to find that your phone was gone.

you put a hand over your mouth in worry and groan as you have a horrible headache from all the alcohol and truthfully it is even hard to stand without feeling dizzy. you sigh as you go to walk outside to go catch some air.

the streets were near quiet and you longed to know what time it was. you bite your lip before taking one last look in your purse only to find the one thing you were trying to avoid. lewis's number. you chuckle realising that you rly have no option since you honestly have no clue of any of your friends numbers and no money for a taxi.

a man nearby is txting on his phone so you go and give it a shot.

"um sry is it okay if i use your phone for one second"

the guy looks up and looks at you weirdly but once noticing that you were desperate he sighs and hands you the phone.

"thank you so much i wont be long"

the man grunts in response. you walk a few metres away and start typing in his number. just as you are about to dial you question why are u doing this? surely there is someone else? but you know right well that there isn't.

you dial and the line starts ringing.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

lewis is sat in a bar with most of the grid sat beside george as he laughs at another joke he made. lewis looks at the clock seeing that it is nearly 2am and sighs.

as he looks around at the decor he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket which is obviously unsual at this hour. he pulls out his phone and sees that it is an unknown caller, his first unstinct is to block but there is only few people who had his number and now you being on of them. he smiles softly to himself realising it could be you.

"hey you okay man?" george asks

"um ye um i got to take this real quick" he says trying to hide his smile.

george nods but narrows his eyes as he notices lewis happy demeanour which was not often seen only on the rare chance he was with someone. george smiles to himself.

lewis walks outside and answers.

"hi"

"oh um hi lewis its me um yn"

"you just couldnt last that long without hearing my voice again"

you blush and chuckle "um well.....no not exactly um...i"

lewis notices your shaky speech. "hey um you okay? he didn't hurt you again did he??"

you let out a sarcastic laugh. "um you know what no im actually not okay you see um this is not even my phone, i lost it, my friends ditched me here at this club, and i had a few too many beers and i feel like shit and now im calling this cute guy that gave me his number because i literally have no one else"

"shit im sry but if you need a lift i can get my driver to pick you up if u want"

"are u sure i dont want to be a burden" you ask running a hand through your hair.

"you're not a burden don't worry and now i can get an excuse to leave this horrible bar"

you groan. "oh god im so sry i totally forgot that george told me he was going out tonight"

at the mention of george you both go quiet.

"please don't mention this to george he would actually kill me if he knew"

lewis nods and looks in the window at his teamate filled with guilt. he looks away. "okay".

"can you send me your location?" lewis breaks the silence with his question. you do as he requests.

"okay ill be there in 20"

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

the cold brisk air nipped at your feet and you couldn't help but shiver in instinct. your eyes scanned the main road waiting for lewis.

momentarily a black limo pulled up and not to your surprise lewis jumped out and looked around frantically for you.

once he had spotted you he sighed in relief and made his way over to you.

"oh thank god you're okay"

you smile shyly at him but you are so utterly exhausted that you can't even utter a word.

lewis catches onto this and nods in understanding. he takes the jacket from around his shoulders and places it on your own. your cheeks redden, his familiar smell wafting into your nostrils.

lewis guides you to the car, opening the door for you, making sure that you are comfortable before going around the otherside and getting in himself.

"you're staying at the same hotel as all the other drivers right?" lewis asks looking over at you to confirm his query. you nod in response before deciding to devote your attention the scenic views of the city.

the moonlight that shone on your face enamoured lewis and he kept glancing at your hand which lay palm facing upwards. he wanted to place his own ontop of yours and intertwine your fingers. he watched as you unwinded the window so that your hair flew ascrew across your face. he wanted to trace your cheek and pull your hair away from your eyes. his eyes scanned your face and watched as your tooth latched onto your lower lip.

his chest constricted when you looked over at him giving him a weird and confused expression.

"why are you looking at me like that?"

"like what?"

"like u want me"

lewis's eyes widen and he chuckles. "you're drunk y/n".

you roll your eyes. "well done for stating the obvious handsome".

lewis narrows his eyes and looks at you. "don't call me that"

"aw i thought you liked that" you say pouting.

lewis shakes his head. "fuck y/n pls stop messing with my head. we both know that sober you would never ever do this shit"

you chuckle. "well that's the fun of it". you take your hand and begin to trace up his arm but he pulls it away.

as the car begins to slow lewis sits up straight. "looks like we are here"

you groan, a sudden rush of nausea hitting you again.

lewis hops out and heads around to your side of the car and opens your door for you.

"are you okay to walk?"

you look up at him and then back down at your feet, you can already feel the blisters forming and your legs feel like jelly.

"um yeah i'll be fine"

you go to stand up but immediately fall and lewis supports his arm around you.

"you sure about that?" lewis chuckles. "god you are so stubborn"

"here sit down so i can take these off" lewis instructs as he points to your heels.

he glares at you and you obey. lewis gets down on his knees as he begins to unbuckle your heels. your heart is racing as his fingers brush the side of your leg. sure your head was woozy and you were most likely not going to remember this in the morning but when lewis looked up at you, holding your pair of heels in his hand you wanted nothing more than to kiss the shit out of him.

lewis eyes your feet and notices a trickle of blood coming from your heel. "fuck y/n you could have told me you were in pain" he says frustrated with you.

"i'm sorry" you mumble "i just didn't think you would care that much".

lewis shakes his hand and brings his hand to his forehead. "i care abou y/n okay so please don't keep anything from me, you can trust me i promise".

his words seem so sincere and his hand on your thigh is comforting in a way.

"okay?"

"okay" your reply.

lewis looks at the hotel. "what floor are you on?"

"oh god um i think it's 24 or 25 fuck idk i'm sorry"

"it's okay i'll figure it out"

lewis wraps his arms around you and lifts you up into his arms.

"what are u doing"

"i'm carrying you because you are certaintly not walking that distance"

you want to protest but don't.

lewis carries you up multiple flights of stairs before you make it to your door.

lewis allows you to get out of his grip as he tries to open the door. he takes a credit card from his wallet and uses it to unlock the door. shockingly it worked.

lewis helps you into the room and sets you down onto the bed. he watches as you collapse onto the bed and lay there in a ball. your dress begins to ride up and he quickly looks away.

"y/n sweetheart you have got to get changed i don't want you to be uncomfortable and also your makeup"

you groan in reponse, too tired to function.

lewis sighs. "come on i'll help you". lewis helps you sit up and you rub your eyes trying to rub your eyes free of sleep.

you sit up reluntantly. "um my pyjamas are in the top drawer over there" you mumble pointing the to top dresser.

lewis opens the drawer and picks out a set and throws it at you.

"thanks"

"um can you turn around real quick"

he coughs. "oh yeah yeah i'm sorry"

you change in the nick of time and then you are greeted by an awkward silence.

"you can go now" you say stifling a yawn.

lewis's eyes widen. "um okay....are you sure though?"

you hesitate but nod firmly. "you should get back to the guys"

"i don't really want to go back to them though" he admits with a shrug.

"then go home get some rest you had a long weekend" you suggest as a compromise.

"but i don't want to leave you here alone"

"but i'm always alone"

"yeah but you don't have to be"

"lewis...."

"please just let me stay"

"well you can sleep on the couch ig"

"thank you".

"no problem okay well um goodnight lewis and thanks for everything tonight it means alot".

lewis nods. "i'm here for you y/n whether you like or not".

you smile shyly and hop into bed as you watch him walk out of the room. it wasn't long before you had drifted off into a deep sleep.

lewis tossed and turned on the couch and the constant ticking of the clock bugged him. the light that emerged from your room enticed him. he couldn't stop thinking about you. part of him knew he was being crazy. he practically begged you to stay over and you hardly even knew eachother but even so he wanted nothing more than to be close to you.

lewis gets up and hovers outside your door before making a peek into your room. he smiles seeing your stoic figure in a peaceful sleep. upon spotting an armchair at the side of the bed he sat down in it as he kept a watchful eye on you. as the night passed his eyes fluttered and it wasn't long either before he had drifted off aswell dreaming about the company he had enjoyed that day and how he was hoping for many more days like today.

taglist ⭑.ᐟ

@rafeyybabyy

@lottalove4evelyn

@sweetestgirlintown111

[ghostsvacuumcleaner]

Hello! i was wondering if you could write me a req bc i saw your reqs r open (bc I ✨respectfully✨ suck booty at writing)

basically, reader made friends with Ghost while working together on deployment, and became friends, they hang out sometimes bc they live kinda close, blah blah blah. then, Ghost doesn't hear from reader in months (which isn't normal, bc they text like once a month, just to make sure one another is okay when they can). then, one day, in the middle of a meeting Ghost gets a call from an unfamiliar number and almost ignores it until he sees that the area code is the one reader lives in, so he decides to answer it. boom, guess what? the reader is in the hospital, sustained r/srs injuries, and is in need of emergency surgery, and the reader made Ghost the emergency contact (lets also say they traded dog tags bc fluff?)

homie gets all sad bc Reader might die and is in a mini coma, blah blah blah, realized he r in love w the reader, and uh

you can decide whether or not the reader dies and what happens next

i fr scream YIPEEE when i saw your req open, i adore your writing, like top tear, makes me cry but laugh and scream bc how are you so good?! srs, im so jelly of your writing! okay anyways, hope you have a lovely day, you dont have to do this is you dont want or if im jus a silly fucker and mis read and your reqs r closed or sum

Hellloooo! Thank you SO MUCH for the beautiful compliments and for this request <3 I loved it so much I started writing the day you sent it to me. But since it's very emotionally charged, it took me a little while to finish and I'm sorry bout that, and I rly hope you're still around and eager to read it!!! Well, there it is, my take on ur req, hope you like it.

Take me back (to the night we met) | Simon "Ghost" Riley x f!reader

✦Word count: 2.1k ✦ Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley xf!reader ✦Summary: Simon gets a call from the hospital saying that you are hospitalized, in a coma and in great life risk. ✦ TW and general warnings: sensitive topics, lots of angst, fluff though, death implications, open ending, sad af read at ur own risks cuz i'm crying in my room rn;

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met

“Johnny and I make our entrances fast. I clear the way, he goes front, three of you get in by the back and we surround the site to get enough space for the hostages to come out. Any questions?” Ghost asks sternly, as is the usual of his tone especially coming down to work. He was being brutally professional at the moment - if there was rather a sign of an existing Simon, it was gone the moment he got inside the briefing room. Silence follows for the next seconds while the crew seems to be pondering over what he said, analyzing the map over the big round table sticking to the center of the room.

As it is expected, no questions. He nods with his head assuming by the silence that they’re all understood.

“Our orders are to neutralize any individual we find on the site whose face doesn’t match with our hostages, which means we do it fast before they get the chance to call for reinforcements. We don’t wanna make a mess out of this.” Price then continues his own talking, marking X’s over the tactic map and giving the next orders to every one of them. It is when Gaz opens his mouth to say something, that Simon’s phone rings for the third time in a row. He curses mentally - he muted his phone the first time; now, it was vibrating in his pocket. Awkwardly, the vibration itself is heard by everyone in the room and they turn their eyes on him almost instantly.

“Hell.” He curses out in a low voice before shaking his head. “My apologies, Captain.” His voice tries its best not to come out too annoyed, but he fails and it does; despite the timing being inconvenient, no one seems to be bothered. Johnny furrows his brows in concern, and looks over at Price, who seems to have the same, perhaps even more intense, look on his face.

Ghost mentions to pull out and turn off his phone once again, but Price is quick to intervene.

“Riley.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Third time in a row; seems like somethin’ serious, get out and pick up.” He states comprehensively.

Despite being slightly reluctant, Ghost agrees - it must be something serious. What, he couldn't come to imagine - but if for a moment in his life he had something close to a hunch, it was now, and it said he should take that call.

“Alright, one minute. Move on without me.” He nods and leaves the room, phone in hand and a worried sigh leaving his nostrils. When the door closes behind him and he walks a bit further down the hallway, he picks up.

“Yes?”

“Is this Lieutenant Simon Riley?” A feminine voice asks from the other side. Sounds in the background, beeps and small, muffled voices.

“Affirmative, who’s this?” He frowns.

“This is from the Special Forces Manchester Hospital, are you familiar with the name- hmm…” She seems to be taking a couple seconds to read, and continues saying your name. 

He freezes in place.

How long has it been since he last heard this name? How long has it been since you vanished like thin air, disappeared, stopped calling or answering? Busy. That’s what he thought. Busy with work, busy with anything. The two of you had always been two busy people, in a desperate need for time.

For a moment, in those torturous seconds of silence, Simon found himself praying to a God he wasn't even sure he believed in, that this nurse wouldn't tell him you’re dead.

“Yes.” It’s all he manages to say, with his eyes running down to the ground in a dead stare. Dead eyes. He gulps, after the despair in his chest makes him speak once again, “Why?”

“Well- sir, you’re her emergency number, we’re calling because we couldn’t manage any family members… She’s in a coma. She was severely injured in combat, and [...]”

His heart stops, like it never did before. He doesn't react, his eyes look around as if he's searching for something - as if searching for his own reaction hidden somewhere within that empty hallway. The weight of your dog tag around his neck seems to be suffocating him now. 

To his silence, the woman continues.

“[...] it’s… currently sort of impossible to predict her state within the next few days, she’s fighting but struggling lots; can you come over?” 

“Yes.” He sharply replies, immediately. His eyes are still on the ground as he closes his eyes, and nods. “I’ll be on my way, yes.” 

“Good.” She replies, and he turns off.

For a moment, he stops to breathe; Ghost wipes his hand over his mouth in a somewhat guilty expression, he should have reached for you. He should have reached you the instant he missed you, your calls. 

“Hell…” He shuts his eyes for a moment, his heart stings like he’s poisoned, it hurts - some sort of pain he swears to god, he probably never felt before. Not when he lost his training dog, nor when he lost friends before - maybe because there were always a lingering possibility between the two of you. It was nothing but a friendship, never had been - but every word, every phrase was full of underlines of sentiment, an immense desire to reveal his interior and spit out the fears he refused to speak about to anyone else.

It's the possibility that kills him now. Even after all this time, not for a second did you cease to exist in his troubled and saddened mind. Suppressed by all the worries and feelings he thought were more important than you.

Not for a moment did he stop thinking about that pleasant end to his career, the retirement he knew he deserved, a house at least isolated from the rest of the world with trees and streams, the snow falling when winter comes and the sun scorching the land. land when summer finally arrived. You, on the front porch. 

You.  You.

When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met

You were leaning back on the sofa, your legs stretched out by the small table that marked the space between you and the balcony railing of his apartment.

The rain fell calmly, some thunder, but few drops. The sound of them falling against the roofs of the houses below the level where you were was echoing in your ears, and he seemed busy drawing patterns among the heavy clouds that covered the sky. 

He gave up trying to find any stars in that rainy sky and found comfort in finding your eyes instead. They were already watching him, almost expecting him to say something, even though the silence between two of you usually speaks volumes more than words itself; you’ve never been good with them, much less him. 

Simon looked down at your dog tag, lying brightly on your bust exposed by the tank top you wore. 

“What do you want to do after retiring?” He asked, his voice calm, his eyes almost closed. He took your necklace between his fingers calmly, and watched your shiny name exposed on the icy metal.

“Gotta be honest with you, can’t see myself retiring.” You replied, with your usual brutal honesty - something he particularly always liked so much about you. “What about you?” 

You don’t mind him, you allow.

“Don’t know.” He was, too, brutally honest. “Seek fuckin’ forgiveness for my sins before I die and end up in hell, I suppose.” 

You laughed.

“Oh, fuck. Gonna die trying to find that, mate.” You admit, raising your eyebrows in another big sip of your beer. “We’re all going to hell… At least we’ll all party there together.” You sounded fun, and your eyes turned into little lines with the genuine smile you let out when noticed that he too laughed at your joke. 

“We’re partyin’? Tell me Johnny isn’t going…”

“He’s my first guest.” You laugh harder.

“Thought that’d be me.” 

“You hate parties.” You raised your eyebrows.

“I don’t hate you.”

You silently smiled and looked away. 

“Fair enough.”

When it came to the two of you, there was nothing but connotation.

You could spend hours in that apartment alone with him - and you did. Did plenty of times, and yet, among subtle touches and heartfelt conversations, the end would be the same. Not in his bed, not in yours: by the door, with a rueful look and smile on your face. 

With a held back hug you never gave, a held back kiss you never allowed and an uncertain goodbye before departing on a mission that could take your or his life.

There was a phone call, once.

He called you late in the night. He was drunk. Too drunk. 

“I’m scared.” His voice was low, fluttering, like those cold days he’d be waiting for his dad’s arrival in his bed, under the covers, terrified and alone. “I’m scared. Can- can I see you? Can I come over, please?” 

As you hugged him on the couch in your own apartment now - that huge, strong, self-sufficient man collapsing in your lap like a baby in need of comfort, your heart was never right about anything like it was right about loving him. In that moment you knew it, you were fucking lost, taken, desperately in love.

You departed; you gave him your dog tag, he gave you his. A memory, an attempt. Do not forget me, you said. Don’t you dare forget me if I die, Simon Riley.

“I didn’t.” 

He looks at you with regret. The devices that help you breathe keep him from seeing you fully, whole - but still behind all those hospital beeps and sounds, you're still as beautiful as the first time he saw you.

He wants to go back to the past. Reverse everything he did, redo it from scratch; the first time he saw you, the first time he felt his heart ache listening to you talk about another man, all the times he repressed his feelings and swore not to love you.

“I want to be with you.” He mutters, his eyes emptily stare down your almost lifeless hand resting over his. “After I retire. I want to be with you.” He says again, closing his eyes, shutting them tight like he’s trying his very best to repress the tears he wants so bad to let fall. 

“I fuckin’ need you- I- how did this happen, how did you…” He gasps as the clock ticks, low, the sound of the hands ringing like doomsday inside his head. Every second that passed was one less with you. There are twenty minutes left for you to enter that operating room, and maybe you’ll never leave it again.

His eyes water and his legs give out, he kneels beside the bed, his suppressed voice sounding like a low, painful moan. The cry of a child who lost everything he had; of a confused teenager who would become a soldier, cold, dead inside, incapable of love - who loved you. Who loves you. “I’m scared. I’m scared- I love you.” He’d mutter, praying to all known gods to not take you. Take anything, anything from me; anything but her.

When the doctors came into the room and hurriedly moved your gurney to the ward in a desperate attempt to get your heart working again with the transplant, Simon sat in the waiting room with his face buried in his hands, his legs trembling. and the false hope that you would come back.

That you’ll be on that front porch, resting ever so happily, a bottle of beer in your hand and the dogs running around. He will have gotten rid of the mask and the habit of wearing it and you’ll be happy. You’ll be happy. You’ll be alive.

“God, please.” He mutters. “You’ve taken so much from me, now please, not this.”

He stands up as the doctor calls his name, with his heart on his hand and regret flashing his face off, he just wants another minute with you, another second with you, enough seconds so he can tell you he love you - he had, for most of his life and now, and he will, for the rest of his days with or without you.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met.

[jillsc6rs]

Peace ✷

pairing ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ john marston x gn ! reader

warnings ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ no dialogue , angst...sorry , hurt/(no) comfort , abigail and john r not a thing in this , not proof read

a/n ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ i think I've seen a fic like this before but...i dont really remember? still in my head j am givinf them credits if i actually did read something like this,,, might've been a caption on a joiver art i saw idk . anyway i rly need to stop making everything angsty,,,

I will help you swim / I'm gonna help you swim

You knew you weren't going to see him again. Watching him from where you sat at the campfire, the gang was falling apart and you were planning your way to leave. Such little people left and your heart hurts whenever you see the condition Arthur is in.

Always having to deal with hearing Dutch say they just need one more score — but you know it's over. This is it.

John walks over to you and sits down next to you. You give him a smile and he returns it. The two of you sit in silence as the remainder in the members do the same.

Hearing Micah and Dutch whisper about something you move to grab Johns hand. Now your fingers interlocked, you look at him and he's staring at you too.

You truly don't want to just abandon him but you can't stay and asking him to leave with you seems unreasonable to do. Thinking to yourself, you decide to maybe share one last tender moment with him before your leave.

You get up and tug his arm and he gets the message; standing up as well. Then you lead him as far as you can from the camp, to a lake. He stares at you; confused but you squeeze his hand and he understands.

Releasing his hand the two of you slip out of your clothes and only have your undergarments. Stepping into the water, you reach your hand out for him to grab and he does.

You ease him in and instruct him to keep calm and let himself float. Promising you won't let him sink.

You stare at him as you keep him a float. Simply admiring him as his long hair makes it look like he has a halo — like he's an angel from the heavens above. He looks so peaceful but you know he's fearing of suddenly drowning and the fact he put his trust in you to keep him living makes your heart skip a beat.

The only sound the two of you hear being the rustling of trees, water splashing, and your humming. Feeling your eyes well up with tears, you close your eyes, trying your best to savor this moment.

It's so peaceful...you wish to stay like this as you open your eyes again and notice he's opened his too. He takes note of your teary eyes and his face twists with concern. You give him a smile of reassurance but it didn't help.

Yet he didn't say anything, just appreciating the silence as well — he never thought water would be this calming for him. You lean down and place a kiss on his forehead and he smiles.

You hear him mutter an 'I love you'...

That's all you hear, before everything sounds silent now. You try to respond but all you can get out is a small noise.

He doesn't mind, he knows you love him as well and wouldn't leave him.

And you do love him...you treasure him and everything about him. Ever since you met him, sure he was a piece of work but that was why you loved him.

So it leaves him confused and hurt when he can't seem to find you at the camp the next morning. He was hoping to ask if the two of you could go to the lake again but he can't find you.

He notices a piece of paper in your tent and he picks it up to read.

He feels his world crumbling as he reads it.

My Dearest, John,

I'm sorry for leaving you. I love you, I truly do, I just couldn't bring myself to ask you to leave with me. I don't know where I am going, think I'm just gonna wonder until I find where I can stay. I know it seems like a bad idea, but it's all I could think to do. The gangs falling apart — Dutch as gone mad. Please get out of there as well. I hope you can forgive me if our paths decide to cross again and god I hope they do. I'll miss you dearly, John

Love, [Name].

He couldn't believe it. You left without telling him? He would've said yes if you'd asked him. Why didn't you ask him? Did anyone else know about this? Were you safe? He prayed you were safe. Please be safe.

The day couldn't get anymore worse then this. You left without a word and his heart is broken. He's not sure if he could handle more.

But more he had to handle. Everything is falling apart, he has to leave. And that he does when he gets left for dead by Dutch. When he's forced to pick a side and Arthur makes him leave, to get away from this life, to go find you. He keeps Arthurs words in mind, after getting to a safer area, he sets off to find you.

He will find you — somehow; he needs to.

a/n 2 ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ lolol sry this is short . i think idk...i was listening to twin sized mattress and needed to write this ! hope u enjoyed ur read see u next time ^3^ mwah mwah

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

My Old man's tale about benetint (product) & review:

in summer 2008 i was 14 & my best friend's family took me to Vegas w them. she had only just moved to my school for 9th grade & i hadn't met her older sister til this trip. She was 21 & soooo insanely beautiful like if barbie was a hollister model she had the look so refined in every sense, i was dazzled by her.

& she was so sweet to us, my friends parents went & did their own thing so the whole trip we spent with her but she wasn't annoyed about it at all she seemed content to hang w us & protect us from vile men along the strip.

On this trip i went to sephora for the first time. hadn't heard of it before. it had huge windows so everything was glowing from sunlight & it was sooo overwhelming. my friend's sister liked this brand benefit so i picked out a little starter kit that came w bad gal mascara, high beam highlighter, booing concealer, and benetint.. Let me tell you for the next year i cherished this kit like it elevated me a new level towards Prestiged Adult Woman status. but the makeup was noticeably nicer quality for sure! from my memory at least.

the thing i remember most was benetint cus i wore it soooo much for the rest of the summer & beyond, i stretched that tiny bottle as far as it wld go cus i luved it sm.. but after it ran out i never tried to use it again idk just being a teen moving onto the next thing. But lately i jst rly wanted a goood lip tiiiint cus i dont wanna b wearing lipstick or gloss all the time its too much i just want chapstick but i like a little more color too.. usually i wld use lip liner but it always felt like it wld smudge off so quick n its kinda drying.

so i tried benetint again bcus i remember it being so easy to put on n then just forget about, it didnt get on ur clothes or teeth or nothin. after wearing for a couple weeks i can say this is still tru! i rly like it, very convenient, chapstick goes gr8 over top so my lips r never dry from it. its kind of expensive but it lasts a long time , for me i dnt have much makeup rn so felt nice to get st i actually use ^^ the taste & smell of it are mildly rosey, rly brings me back to those times..

being in vegas those 4 days w my friend n her sis are definitely a core memory for me it was totally surreal. i wish i had photos still but no clue where to find them, my friend's fb account got hacked years ago n had to get deleted, so many photos gone </3 we stayed at treasure island & across the street was this huge mall that was repeatedly playing an ipod commercial with the song Shut Up & Let Me Go by the ting-tings, like... ON REPEAT, ALL DAY & ALL NIGHT, so that song gives me the wildest flashbacls like i'm literally There. In the august heat. i can smell it like. its amazing thank you advertising :)

this is not an ad btw i mean obviously LOL i honestly just got thinking so hard about vegas '08 after purchasing The Product. oh yeah there was thunderstorms too... i went to hot topic at the mall which was wild for me since they didnt have one any where near my town.. i got some shorts from hollister i remember, also a rarity. friends sis got me my first ever drink, a peach daquiri...just one <3 it was such a nice break from my woeful home life lol i wanted to live in america so bad after this xD

thats my story...o and benetint is chill i mean i genuinely wanted to recommend it to ppl who want st simple it looks rly pretty cus until this i was struggling to find anything worthwhile. theres other shades too. Yup. Thanksyou for reading my LiveJournal Entry tonight minasan ^_^ Hope you're well x

-PMD9

[sonikkublue]

just how gay out of bi is Mr. H For Mr. Shadow in the ToxicTango Ship?

Is he like... I hate you so much I secretly love and adore you type of gay out of bi or is the the kind of gay out of bi that you could find Mr. H intimidatingly looming behind Mr. shadow? your art depicts both and I'm genuinely invested and totally not at all biased.

bonus [optional] question; what does Silho think of this or moments like it? or does he have his own infatuation/dislike of shadow?

also, love and adore the art and au itself! it's very unique. please keep doing what you do, no matter if there's haters or weirdos out there but at the same time make sure to take time for you too. :3

thank u for question! i rly appreciate hearin them

tbh the 2nd option is more likely, but its mainly one-sided on Mr. H's side and only Mr. H's side

Mr. H doesnt love a whole lot of ppl, in fact no one at all but himself, hes rly not affectionate when it comes to other ppl.

when it comes to ToxicTango, its always abt Mr. H whether Shadow likes it or not, it has to be abt him (plus its just in his contract lmao).

Mr. H is always reminding Shadow how he's in control and emotionally manipulates him since he knows how to make him vulnerable.

Shadow gets no say in the relationship they have, hes actually confused if they even have smth cuz Mr. H is such a tease.... but he is in love w/ him; Mr. H is not, but uses Shadow's feelings to his advantage....however there is smth small there for Shadow, Mr. H just continues to hurt him in his dark and evillll fucked up ways mwhehehehe

for ur bonus question! Silho's just a fucking hater to everyone Mr. H considers "close"...he wants them GONE.

but its not "oh i dont like that person bbgs w/ so im gonna kill them so i can have Mr. H all to myself and live in our suburban neighborhood w/ our delusional family where we live happily ever after" no he actually tries begging/complains for Mr. H to just cut contact, or force him get physical (last option is a last resort...which always seems to happen)

Silho's rly just the main reason why Mr. H is in and out of relationships, but for most reasons it for the better....the smaller reasons...not so much haha