#i remember it was some whole drama happening back then but like! its been forever! the person left! we all forgot them! its over!

[lunasdreamytreats]

Best kept secrets

Baizhu x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW // !PSUDO STEPFATHER/STEPDAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP! don't like, don't read // modern au // legal age-gap (Baizhu's in his late 30's, reader's in their early 20's) // drinking wine // reader calls their mother 'mama' // petnames (darling, little girl / good girl) // daddy kink (u call him it a few times and he calls himself it too) // mentions of drugs and aphrodisiacs // begging // oral (m+f receiving) // fingering // dumbification // bad writing (was still finding my writing style as i began writing and its not fully proofread)

Word count: 3.5k... (jeez i went crazy)

A/N: HBD MY LOVE 🥰 I love Baizhu sm, been planning this bad boy forever. Please enjoy and make sure to read the warnings carefully and lmk if I missed something ❤️

'How did this happen again?' You ask yourself as you accept another kiss from the man you knew as your stepfather. It feels so wrong, until you remember how your own mother is a cheating gold digger herself. Virtually your whole life up until a year ago had been on the move. Your mother would marry rich men who owned whole companies or company branches and either bankrupt them and leave or cause a scandal so they go out of business and leave. Over 19 years you’ve had a total of 10 stepfathers and you've never been really close with any of them.

As far as you know, the most recent one is the only one out of your stepfathers that has more than one source of income. He owns the only pharmacy in town while also working as a doctor. It must be taking longer to burn through it than normal, you thought, since you're still there.

You feel as if you should be grateful that your mother hasn't ruined it yet, because you've grown fond of life in this family. Your little sister Qiqi absolutely adores you as her big sister. Although your not sure if your mother knows about this, but your stepdad, Baizhu, absolutely loves being able to spend his money on you. Whenever you get off work he'll wait outside for you in the car with your favourite music ready to play. He'd drive around town with you for half an hour before going to pick Qiqi up from school. If you saw anything you wanted while driving, he'd tell you to quickly jump out and buy it with his card.

“Sweetie I don't care how much it costs if you want it I'll gladly get it for you.” Is what he'd say if you tried to protest in any way, in the end, you’ve just accepted it as him wanting to spoil you. Baizhu was very different to any of your other stepfathers, for one, he's making an effort to bond with you..... Oh and he's young, well, young compared to the others. At only 35 when they got married, he was 2 years your mother’s junior and 17 years your senior.

The 4 of you lived a fairly drama-free life up until tonight, when Baizhu came back home after dropping sweet Qiqi off at her best friend Yaoyao's house for her very first sleepover. He came in and asked you to come downstairs and sit on the couch, saying he needed to ask you about something important. You promptly closed the game you were playing and put the controller back, coming down to see Baizhu in the kitchen with a bottle of white wine and 2 glasses.

“Oh? What's the special occasion, Dad?” You asked before sitting back down with him.

“It's about your mother, (Y/N).” You froze slightly, wanting to ask him if anything bad happened to her. However, before you could speak, he placed one of the full glasses of wine into your hand.

"Do you know if she cheated on any of your other stepfathers, like any one of them?"

“Well I don't know for certain, but I've got a feeling she cheated on all of them, including my father.” You lifted the glass of wine up to the light and swirled the liquid around before continuing.

“Right when she leaves them, I found that either their companies crumbled, or they declared bankruptcy. Some less than 6 months after their wedding. It's happened way too many times to be a total coincidence.” Looking over at him, you saw a small sigh leave his lips as his eyes met yours. The low light of the lamps on the wall adjacent to him made his golden irises glow. ‘Oh fuck that's really pretty.... h-hold on a god damn second, that's your stepdad your talking about, dumbass!’ You quickly shook the thought out of your head and took a sip of wine to distract yourself.

“Why'd ya ask?”

“I saw your mother with someone and they were talking about how long until they can run off together....” You always had a feeling she had an accomplice her little scheme, but a whole ass lover all these years? Baizhu leaned forward in order to put the wine glass back on the counter and shifted to face you.

“Thank you for telling me this, my darling.” Eh why the lovey dovey language? He seems to be awfully calm for someone who just found out what a horrible person his wife is.

“Dad.... now that you've caught mama, when do you want us out of here by?”

“Hm? Why would I kick you out, darling?” Again with the darling! Is this really how fathers express their affection towards their children?

“I-I just thought since she's cheating on you, you wouldn't want her or her child arou-!” He's laughing? How? You thought he'd be annoyed. And yet here he is, not only not giving a toss about the current situation, he's laughing at it.... Why?

“Do you think I'd leave my cute, sweet little girl all alone without someone that loves her like I do? No no no darling. Besides, this is the best time to show you something that I've been planning this last year.” What could that be? You wondered. Come to think of it, from his plans for Qiqi's birthday party to things he's overheard at work, he's never kept anything a secret from you. He stood up and retrieved a piece of paper from inside a safe in the wall that he hid behind his back so you couldn't see what was written on it. As he sat back down, you managed to catch a small glimpse of the contents of the paper, you saw your signature there and what you can only assume is Baizhu's, both written in black ink next to each other at the bottom of the page.

'Oh! He must be holding the adoption papers we signed after the wedding'. You had another quick glance at the paper again before he folded it up and set it down on the table.... What?? You must be hallucinating because your pretty sure the words 'certificate of marriage' were at the top of the page. Hang on, if that's a marriage certificate, then why did you clearly see your signature next to Baizhu's?

“Did you see it, my darling?” Baizhu's words brought you back into the moment at hand, oh, that and his hand resting on your waist. The small gesture causing a shiver to shoot up your spine. “You’re my real wife. And you have been all this time.”

“How?” The reality of this situation hitting you like a boulder made your voice go hoarse, coming out like a broken cry. How was he able to hide something so big for so long? “How did I not notice it?”

“I'll be honest, I only got close to your mother so I could be with you, my darling. I knew what your mother was when I saw her, now she's the only one in the dark about it.” Baizhu's voice broke through the stifling silence around us. This is so weird, you’ve always thought your stepdad was a nice man, in personality, heart and looks. And you’ve told your friends about how you'd like your future partner to be like him. So should you go along with it?

“B-But what about the wedding night? Didn't you and mama have sex?”

“Nope, she ran off after the ceremony, I spent the night in your room.”

“W-what!? How the fuck did I not feel you?”

“Not when you've taken the deep sleep elixir I put in your food. I’d put it in whenever I knew your mother was going out for the night.”

“Oh, so that's why I hardly remember those nights.”

“Fuck, you're so cute when you don't know what to make of a situation, darling. I wonder what your reaction is going to be when I do this?” With no warning, Baizhu pulled you closer, onto his lap, and kissed your neck. The bold action made you gasp in shock. While you were distracted, he took the opportunity to catch you off guard again and kiss your lips. The kiss was just as he was, gentle and full of passion, yet demanding. Letting you know that although he’s being gentle, he’s still the one in control. He’s holding you so soft and tenderly, it makes this kiss feel like a natural part of life. Like your forgetting you two had a completely different relationship before...

That's how it came to you and your stepd- no, your husband making out in the open space of the living room. :)

'This isn't wrong. He's my husband.' You told yourself as you kissed him back. The grip his hands have on the flesh of your hips was so soft, as if he couldn't bare the thought of hurting you. Which, in a way, was true. He couldn’t bare the thought of being the reason you were in pain. As the kiss deepened, he felt more comfortable in exploring your body. His hands gently glide up your body before setting on your chest. His hands circle your body to where the dress zipper and bra clasp were.

As his arms pulled you closer, his fingers grazed the bit of exposed skin, making you shiver at the contact. Pulling away from your lips, Baizhu looked at you with love filled eyes and ran his finger over the neckline of your dress before hooking a finger on it and tugging at the fabric.

“My darling, can I?” He asked, rather breathless from the deep kiss. You could only nod in response until you find your voice. That was another way that Baizhu shows he cares, he was patient when you couldn’t get your words out. It was a thing you had struggled with for most of your life. And although it was a small gesture, it was something that mama never bothered to get right.

“Y-Yes daddy~” You managed to whisper a response, your head already felt dizzy and the neck kisses didn't help. Hearing daddy leave your mouth must’ve awakened something primal in him. With a newfound spark of lust in his eyes and a tightened grasp on you, his teeth grazed the skin of your shoulders. You reached behind your back to start unzipping your dress, only for your wrists to be pulled away and held back in one of his hands, while the other pulled the zip down slowly.

“Shhh~ darling, let daddy take care of you now.” An uncomfortable thought came into your head; ‘what if mama came back without warning to see her daughter, clothes slipping off, on her ‘stepdad’s’ lap making out with him?’ But don’t worry, Baizhu has a plan to deal with her if she comes back early. There’s no chance he’d allow this perfect moment to slip through his fingers again. After he pulled the zipper went all the way down, Baizhu started to gently draw circles on your newly exposed skin. The heat building up between your legs was getting frustrating, so you started to rub your clit on Baizhu's thigh to relieve yourself. Until he noticed and gently held your hips in place.

“Darling, I thought you’d let me take over tonight.. you know what happens to bad little girls that don't obey their daddies, don't you, darling?” Baizhu whispered, gently kissing the shell of your ear before continuing, “They. get. punished.” Taping your shoulder blade with each word. Each tap of his finger sent electrifying waves of pleasure down your whole body. You can’t help but lean into his touch, drunk on how quickly you crumbled under his teasing. One thing was for certain, however, the pleasure you felt was unreplicable.

“M'sorry daddy.. don’t punish me, I-I’ll b’good, please..!” You plead, hoping he’d be merciful on you. Since nobody can blame you for being needy. After a few minutes of drawing circles on your back, your dress and bra went flying off you, yelping when the cool air collided with your breasts. Smirking, Baizhu gave your hips a squeeze as his lips left a trail of kisses from your jawline down your chest, before latching onto the hardening nipple. Swirling around it with his tongue, he copied the motion on the other with his fingers, tugging whenever he sucked. All night, Baizhu had been focusing on giving pleasure to your most sensitive spots, like he already had a mental map of where he should focus on.

While your attention was taken up by the stimulation to your breasts, Baizhu let his free hand snake down, across your tummy to settle between your legs. One touch of his slender fingers to your puffy folds sent you jolting forward into his neck with a moan. Thing is, that one touch was only light, nothing much to most people. But to you? Mind-numbing. Actually, you don’t think you’ve ever been this sensitive to anything before.... it’s like your sensitivity to touch became enhanced. Could Baizhu have given you something to do this?

“You like that, don't you, darling? Good girl. Tell me, who’s making you feel this good?”

“Y-You daddy, s’you makin me feel good”

“Good. Fucking. Girl.” With every word, he swiped the pad of his thumb against the nub of your clit. Your hips subconsciously bucked into his hand with newfound lust. Like your body was chasing after his touch after he retracted his thumb. Baizhu's fingers ghosted over the outline of your clit, prodding at your hole. Easing the tip of his index finger inside while holding you steady. When your body relaxed, letting him know you were comfortable with him inside, Baizhu pushed you to the couch so you were laying on your back with him on top. The hand that’d been holding you steady now moved from your lower back to hold your cheek softly, catching any tears that fell over your eyes.

“Fuuck, you're clamping on me so tight.. I’ve barely even started with you, never thought a little foreplay would be all it takes to get you begging for me so soon, darling.” Don’t mind him though, he’s just being all mean and teasing you! He began slowly moving his finger in and out, slightly curving it to graze your soft inner walls. He added a second finger gently, stretching them apart in a scissor motion and continuing to touch places you couldn't dream of being able to touch on your own.

“Fuuck~ ur fingers~ s'deep!” It almost felt uncomfortable, keyword almost. The tender kisses Baizhu left along your body made any kind of discomfort you felt fade away. That is until a strange feeling came creeping into the pit of your stomach. A twisting and churning sensation like a knot threatening to make your insides explode.

“Ha~~! A-Ahh! D-Daddy, feels weird..!”

“Oh? A weird feeling, you say? That's your orgasm building up, darling.” His thumb quickly swiped against the sensitive nub of your clit, “Now be a good little girl and cum for me...” Your eyes peeped open at his words, only for stars to invade your vision as the knot came undone over his fingers and the couch. Your fucked out expression caused Baizhu to smirk in satisfaction, taking pride in being the only person to ever make you orgasm; other than yourself, of course.

“Good girl... ” Baizhu glanced down to where you both connected, taking note of how his wrist was now slightly wet... Did you squirt over him? Or was it sweat? This encounter certainly left you catching your breath.. Your body twitched sporadically as your walls finally began to relax around his fingers, and you sighed in satisfaction. Feeling you come down from your high, Baizhu gently pulled his fingers out, awestruck at your essence which was now dripping down his digits.

“Daddy... love you” You reached your hands out and Baizhu took them in his own, helping your sit up and kissing your knuckles softly.

“Love you too, darling. Cuddles?” He asked, holding his arms out so you could come to him if you wanted. You practically jumped up and slid into his lap, burying your flushed face into his shoulder. ‘Oh, you’re the type to get all cute and cuddly after sexual encounters...’ Baizhu thought, but that’s fine, he’d give all the cuddles you could ever need if you asked. You feel him gently smile on the top of your head alongside wrapping his arms around your middle.

Of course, with all that Baizhu’s done for you tonight, you couldn’t just ignore how hard this encounter made him. His dick throbbed against the cloth holding it back, simply begging for him to do something to relieve it.

“Daddy, lemme help, wanna help it..” You attempted to slip off his lap to kneel between his legs, fully prepared to help him. But he tightens his hold on your body, preventing you from moving much.

“No darling, y’can help me from here.” Baizhu reassured, moving the fabric that concealed his cock out the way. It bounced back against his abdomen, splashing a little precum over his stomach. Your eyes widened, you’ve seen dicks before, (in sex-ed class), but nothing like this. His dick was much bigger than anything you ’ve seen, and certainly bigger than you think you can take. Noticing your unease, Baizhu gently took your wrist and brought your hand to touch it.

“Lemme do it with you, darling... help me feel good too, yeah?” With one arm still holding you tightly, Baizhu’s other hand joined yours, guiding you in jerking him off. Even under two people’s grips, his dick still twitched and pulsed against your hand. Biting your lip, you lean your head down to press small kisses and kitten licks to his swollen, red tip. You looked up at him, still with his tip nestled snuggly in your mouth, eyes trying to convey what you want; for him to use your mouth like a fleshlight.

At first, poor Baizhu didn’t know what to say; he didn’t want to lose his composure and ram into you so hard that it became more uncomfortable than pleasurable, but the look in your eyes conveyed that you were actually begging him to lose it. He let out a long, shaky breath before moving the hand that had been on his cock to hold your hair out of your face. He didn’t even realise he was holding his breath...

“Tap my thigh twice if it gets too much for you, ok darling?” You nodded and began easing more of him into your mouth. He almost couldn’t think straight with just his tip in your mouth, but seeing you slightly struggle to fit him in drove his size kink mad. Baizhu’s fingers raked through your soft hair before setting at the top of your neck, taking control back from you and moving your head along his shaft.

Muffled whimpers and gags mixed with Baizhu’s groans made it easy to lose oneself in ecstasy, so you never noticed the small commotion happening on the other side of the door; never noticed the amused smile on your lover’s face upon realising the trap he and the millelith set achieved it’s intended outcome. Not that you were meant to know about any of this anyway...

“Sh-! Shit, on your knees, darling” You nodded and slid his cock out of your mouth to get into position, obediently for your husband. Baizhu rose from the sofa, guiding his dick back into your mouth as soon as you settled down. This time, he allowed himself the chance to thrust his hips into your mouth, meeting the pace you originally set. His thrusts started slow and deep, becoming more desperate as the pleasure built up.

“god.. m’gonna cum darling” Baizhu’s hold on your hair tightened, pulling at the strands that were wrapped around his slender fingers. He had to lean against the nearest cabinet since his thighs were twitching so much, his legs might’ve given out on him. You have to say, Baizhu’s groans of raw pleasure were a melody you’d never get tired of hearing. Baizhu abruptly pulled out from your mouth, gently taking your hand off from his thigh to place it on his heavy, aching cock.

“Finish it off, darling.. y’did so well, wanna cum on your pretty face..” You nodded and dragged your hand across his dick, feeling the way the large bulging vein running along the underside of his shaft throbbed with need. You leaned a little further up, enough to press your lips against the sensitive skin just underneath his tip. Baizhu’s grip on your hair tightened as his free hand grasped his cock, giving it a few languid pumps.

“Keep still, sweet girl,” He could barely get the words out before the tight coil inside his slender body snapped. Creamy white cum painted your face in spurts and globs, a testament to the adoration that Baizhu had harboured for you for so long.

[humanundead]

Now that you’ve finished Faiz, who had the most painful show ending: Kenzaki and Hajime or Takumi and Kiba?

its definitely kenhaji for me no question... like. Okay. certainly takumi and kiba were painful but i think there's some sort of closure to be had there right. like yes losing kiba is really painful in the moment especially when takumi wasn't able to make amends with him before he died. but like. if someone's just dead and that's the end of it you can kind of start to move on after a point right. but for kenhaji they don't get that closure the pain is eternal..the other is out there. literally Right There but just out of your reach. forever. for literal eternity. they dont get to die it never ends the torment just goes on forever

and they let themselves have hope things will change and they'll see each other again even though they know deep down the hope won't change anything. like when someone is just dead so it's easier (still really hard! but easier) to move on because you know its over. theyre not coming back there's nothing you can do. but kenhaji will never really be able to let go or move on like that (see: the drama CD and novel) (i also havent seen paradise regained yet so idk if they get into that at all...sorry 😭 planning on watching it at some point tho)

and also something ive been rotating in my mind a lot with the implications it has for post canon is the like. undead mind connection they have after kenzaki starts jokerifying in the wild chalice arc? like its established that they can sense when the other is in pain/in danger...and if that continues to happen after theyve separated its so. you know the other is in pain or going through something and you don't get to talk to them or know what happened or if they're okay.....Augh

and i also think its especially painful when you consider kenzaki's character arc...like he starts the show as a complete loner who's never had any real friends and thinks no one cares about him. but throughout the show he grows close to kotarou and shiori and hajime and everyone else. and he's so overjoyed to have people who truly care about him and he comes to realize (although i don't think he ever fully accepts this) that he has value and means something to the people in his life. he's never had that before. Only to give all of that up. for hajime. so hajime can live. he's right back where he started

and yes kenhaji do get zi-o but this actually does make it worse because when the world resets they remember. they get a taste of what it's like to finally have a life together and it gets ripped from their hands. and they don't even get the luxury of forgetting it ever happened. they get to remember that. For ever for the rest of time. like i think the immortality aspect really adds a whole nother dimension to the torment nexus here that you just dont get with anything else...you have to live forever knowing the one you love is out there and you can't ever see them again. (and also thinking about kenzaki adjusting to being an undead....hajime's the only one on earth who truly understands him and what he's going through with being an undead and being immortal. and he can't ever see him again)

and dont get me wrong i enjoyed takumi and kibas dynamic but theres something about kenhaji that makes me really truly bonkers yonkers. like. They invented love.....i think i'm just a lot more invested in kenhaji so it hurts more. plus i thought the final arc in faiz was kind of rushed and i had a lot of mixed feelings on it in the moment, i've only started to kinda come around to it after letting it sit for a little? so it didn't hit as hard as the ending of blade did for me. its just. like. the pain of knowing someone loves you enough to put you before the whole entire world and sacrificing their own humanity and happiness so that you can live and then you don't even get to share your life with them.....you just have to live with that forever....Fucked up and evil sick and twisted

in conclusion Kamen rider blade 4ever <3

[fanhackers]

Radio, Radio!

I almost didn’t write this post for fear that you guys will think I’m even more of an old than I even am, but a) fuck it and b) there’s a way in which everything old is new again, so bear with me.  *takes deep breath*  OK, so when I was a young fan, a lot of my fannish life happened over the RADIO.  Yes, RADIO, that–I was about to say, that weird looking box with dials on it, but you probably don’t even have a radio. (*Shut up, shut up, I can’t hear you, la la I am going to live forever!*)  But you probably listen to something like radio on Spotify, or you listen to podcasts, or you might even use an app to listen to some great legacy radio station in your area.  So imagine you had a dedicated box just for that.

Anyway, in the before-times, radio then–like podcasts now–was a way to do fandom.  Music people know this of course, but I’m both a fan and a theatre person, and man, radio theatre was the best, and fannish radio theatre even better.  Britain had and still has a really strong radio drama tradition, which is smart because it lets them produce new plays by new writers for a fraction of the cost of a staged production.  But NPR in the US used to do radio drama too–they had a show called NPR Playhouse / Sounds of Theatre which I was devoted to.  

I have two particularly strong fannish memories from this era. First,  the joy of hearing the original Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy on radio. Douglas Adams wrote Hitchhikers for radio and radio is the best way to experience it  - I mean, Zaphod having two heads and three arms is radio joke if there ever was one, and then all these poor TV and film people had to figure out how to actually get an actor with a second head. (Footnote 1).  I backtrack here to say that if you don’t know what I’m talking about, never read or saw any version of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy, click on the link and have yourself a whale of a time (or a bowl of petunias of a time.) (Sorry, the whole Hitchhiker’s thing makes me instantly 12 years old FOREVER. My whole world is Hitchhikers, Star Wars, and Doctor Who– Five.) 

Moving on: the second great fannish radio experience was NPR’s dramatized version of Star Wars, which had Mark Hamill and Anthony Daniels playing their original roles, and Perry King as Han Solo - Perry King, you will remember (who am I kidding, you will absolutely not remember, but anyway), became a fan-favorite for a show called Riptide, so that was okay, too. And they expanded the text! And added new scenes!  I can remember Mark Hamill giving an interview talking about how different it was to play the part for radio; he talked about how you had to sort of put movement in your voice at all times: “I’m–grunt–putting on my–harumph–jacket!” But he was great at it–obviously, since he’s become such a famous voice actor since. And it’s wonderful that podcasting has brought theatre and fandom back into the medium of sound - podcasts are the obvious new media version of all this.

Okay, so bring this back to fan studies, these personal fannish reminiscences (and awesome links—you’re welcome!)  are brought to you by Martin Cooper’s book Radio Legacy in Popular Culture: The Sounds of British Broadcasting Over the Decades (Bloombury, 2022, excerpt available at the link).  Make no mistake, this is a fannish book in its way - Cooper is interested not just in radio but in artistic works that are in some way about radio, which he regards explicitly as fanworks about radio: 

In the case of fandom it could be alternative storylines; in our case of radio listening, it can be a reinterpretation of what has been heard on the airwaves. Hence, it is plausible to think of the responses I analyse in the chapters that follow as reinterpretations and critiques of radio listening; that they have been produced by professional writers and musicians makes them less of a subculture and more of a series of transformative texts that extend the meaning and understanding of the medium of radio. They are portrayals of the everyday action of listening to the radio: of paying attention to the programmes, the discussions, the documentaries, the dramas, the daily shows and the DJs.  

Note that the book has a specifically British focus, but British music and drama have influenced fandoms all over the world. I mean, Radio, Radio; Video Killed The Radio Star; Oh Yeah (There’s a Band Playing On The Radio), Radio Clash –Cooper frames all these songs as part of a British transformative fannish response to the medium.  Radio on! 

–Francesca Coppa, fanhackers volunteer

(1) I got the chance to meet Mark Wing-Davey, who played Zaphod Beeblebrox both on the original radio show and on the BBC show--he's a big-shot theatre director now, but I honestly could not keep my inner 12 year old under control: I basically had my fists stuffed in my mouth because OMG Zaphod Beeblebrox!!! my heart!! and finally I just kind of choked out, "sorry, I can't--excuse me" and fled the dinner. *facepalm*

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ we always end up like this (chapter 8)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k !!

Chapter warnings- swearing, mentions of fights, emotional abuse, manipulation, relationship drama, confused feelings, mentions of depression, kind of a sad chapter, lots of deep emotions. oh and also smut. (guys you arent ready) - also excuse any spelling errors.

enjoy :)

You didnt end up falling asleep until around 4am that night, Taehyung stayed up with you the entire time, making sure you were okay.

"its okay, lets just stay in bed" he hushed when you protested something about getting up and ready for the day.

"I want to shower" you sat up and looked over at him, dark circles under his eys, he looked....rough.

"then shower" he finally sat up as well, his face turning to you when his eyes shot wide. "oh"

Tilting your head, you looked back at him, "what?"

"you have a bruise" he gestured to his own jaw while looking at yours. your hand flew to cup your cheek, hiding it. "yeah I figured I would probably have a mark. Good thing for makeup, right?" you joke and pull the covers back, feet meeting the cold floor.

"you know we still have to talk about everything, right?"

You tensed up and turned on the ball of your heel to face him. "yeah....just give me a few, okay?"

he nodded, taking a breath as you scurried into the bathroom, door shutting loudly.

He wasn't mad at you, he was upset in the same sense you were upset at him for hitting kaito. However, when something bothers Taehyung, it bothers him deeply and fully. It was something you observed from a young age, the complete mental shutdown whenever something didn't go right for him, or there was a situation that made him upset in anyway. You cant remember the last time he has been like this.

After your shower, the aroma of bacon infiltrated your nose, leading your footsteps out to the kitchen. "what are you doing?" you asked quietly, wet hair dripping onto the tile below you.

"Im making breakfast?" he made an obvious gesture to the stove and fridge, making you roll your eyes. His attention was on the lavender camisole you changed into, as well as the fact you had used your makeup to hide last nights evidence.

"why do you have a tone with me" you leaned against the counter and crossed your arms. "I dont" he shrugged

"youre being snippy"

he laughed and turned back to the food, throwing some onto a plate with fruit and shoving it your way.

you took the plate and met his eyes with your own. "thanks. why are you moody?" you quickly pressured once again

"are you serious?" he whipped around to you

"what?"

"have you completely forgotten what has happened in the past 24 hours? or do you want me to catch you up?" he scoffed

"im fully aware" you glared at the boy

"then why are you acting like I dont have a reason to be upset?"

"you dont-" you paused, setting down the plate of food and looking at it. You allowed yourself to take a breath before looking out the window. The shitty weather captivated the shitty aura of the kitchen. "lets just eat breakfast then talk"

he looked at you before slowly turning back to his food, you returning to your room and shutting the door.

Now you were alone with your own thoughts to gather before having to face the situation. It wasnt that you were afraid to talk to taehyung. It would never be that, no. It was you were afraid to be honest with yourself.

You so desperately wanted to just bathe in what felt like love, what felt like a chance at a happy easy-going relationship. You wanted it so, so badly.

So badly- that you told everyone things were good when they werent. You knew this ship would sink soon enough, but not like this, not like that. You thought the bliss would at least last a little longer. Now you sat like an open exposed wound for everyone to examine and tell you how to fix it, when you already knew the problem wasn't fixable.

stitches couldn't hold together what you felt.

-

Once you both silently took your collective times apart in seperate rooms, you agreed to sit in the living room. The rain pattering onto the glass quietly as his record player was faintly heard in the other bedroom created a semi-comfy environment to be in.

"So..." Taehyung sat on the floor, in front of the tiny table, watching you cross your legs to sit on the opposite side of him, body scrunched up defensively.

You chewed your lip and looked at your hands, avoiding contact with the boy in front of you. "I'm sorry, for everything" you quickly decide on ripping the bandaid off as soon as possible, his eyes flicker to yours.

"I lied about so much and, its not fair to you. Youve been my best friend for so long and I dont like keeping secrets, theres been a strain between us for quite a bit now, and I dont know what to do"

He nodded as you spoke calmly, part of him elated and relieved that he didn't have to pry you open to the conversation.

"Kaito was an asshole, he is an asshole. I don't even know what it was that I saw in him."

"I would assume...that it wasnt the first time he had done something like this, put his hands on you, that it?" tae added in

You sighed and finally looked up to him, shrugging helplessly. There it was, your heart on the table in front of you both, you mine as well be honest because theres no going back anymore.

"theres been a few times. not to that extent but yeah"

He exhaled and ran his hand over his face, "why didnt you tell someone?"

"I couldnt" your voice was shaky now, eyes trailing to your wrist that still had marks on it from just a few weeks ago. It was embarrassing.

"what do you mean you couldnt? you just sat and fucking suffered?" his voice was a bit louder, hands now gripping his arms as they crossed over his chest.

"Its not that easy, taehyung! fuck, I, I just couldnt come out and tell everyone that I was going through that, and then be questioned why I stayed, and then further have to fucking explain that im incapable of feeling loved without someone loving me romantically." you wipe a tear, slight anger and frustration evident. "that shit is fucking humiliating" you shook your head.

He swallowed harshly and looked at you, scrambling of something to say.

"you dont get how hard it is to be in college, and having all your friends hookup and shit....I dont want that, I never wanted that. I cant, I attach myself too easily and-"

"that wasnt love, y/n"

"what?"

"you said you needed someone to love you romantically in order to feel genuinely loved? That man never loved you" he spat, knowing it sounded harsh but hoping his point came across in the directed manor. It was obvious; any person who could hurt their so called significant other with no regret is not someone worth the label of loving. You knew that.

"i was lying to myself"

"and everyone around you, too" he sighed, folding his arms out in front of himself.

"im sorry" you breathe, watching as he looked around softly.

"I wish you hadnt kept it a secret for so long, y/n, I know that you wanted everyone to see this fake image of what you wanted to be perceived as, but you know...its okay for things to not go as we plan, right?"

you shrug

"we are young, and frankly, we are stupid. Do I think I should have hit Kaito last night? no, it was wrong of me. Do I think he deserved it? yes, but thats not the point, the point is that sometimes you have to forgive yourself and accept yourself."

"what do you mean?"

"you have to learn to accept yourself for how you are, stop trying to create some fake fucking image for the rest of the world. who cares? You have so much going for you, who gives a shit if you dont have a perfect relationship? there are many people we know who are probably doing much worse" he chuckled lightly, making you nod.

"just be easier on yourself, I would never judge you. Faking shit is not worth getting hurt over." he added on, emotion and sadness now showing through his voice.

You nod once more, eyes filling up again, "okay"

He stood to his feet and walked over to sit beside you, using the opportunity to pull you into his warm embrace, sighing contently when you returned the hug.

"you have to just...let some things go." he whispered, "nothing has to be perfect" his hand gently rubbed your back. "sometimes what we want isn't what we get"

you sniffled and hid your face in his neck, pulling back to look into his eyes. "and what is it that you want?"

He smiled softly as he examined your face, so much thought in your head as your hands fidgeted. you

"you to be happy" he emphasized, squeezing your palm

"I want you to be happy too, taehyung. I should have never dragged you into this shit."

"Im happy when you are, and hey, we cant change whats happened. we need to just...move forward and hope for the best"

You quickly hugged him again, face tight against his chest as his head rested atop yours.

"Do you ever miss Gwangju?" you asked

Tae smiled and got lost in thought for a minute, "yeah...yeah I do" he whispered.

"we should have never moved here, Busan is nothing but trouble" you giggle softly, a sound that lifts weight off of taehyungs chest.

"we had good times there, huh?"

"I miss it so much, I miss everything about it."

"like what?" he asked gently, hand playing with your hair.

"Just how we would always be at eachothers houses, eating home made meals and biking through the streets. Just living normally, just being kids" you sigh, leaning into him

"we still can do all those things now, here, at the apartment" he spoke up quietly. You two are used to spending time close together, but schedules have been clashing, creating a difficult distance between you both.

"we cant" you chuckle breathily, pulling away and wiping your nose with a tissue.

"why not?" he pouted, a slight, hopeful smile on his lips.

You gave him a knowing glare, pressing your back against the couch as your hands fell into your lap. "well....isnt it obvious?"

"No, guess not" he tilted his head, genuinely confused.

"I think....over the summer..." you trailed off, eyes lost in some random object across the room as the boy next to you tried to catch on. "I think we made some mistakes"

"oh" he looked down, immediately understanding what was coming.

"and we never have spoke about it, and I think we should" you turn your body to him.

"I dont think thats necessary" he shook his head, bouncing his knee.

"you told me to be honest with you"

"I told you to be honest with yourself" he clarified, scoffing slighting.

He never wanted to fully confront the whole issue you both fell into almost a year ago, it was something that just happened. You both agreed to sleep together for a little while, it was mutual, nothing more nothing less. He had a hard enough time getting over his feelings and hopes he had for you, and he isnt ready to have this conversation. Not here, and not now.

"what if this is being honest with myself?" you spoke calmly, making his head lift up to you.

"what are you talking about?"

You looked at him and back down at your hands, "I dont know why we did all that, I dont know why we agreed to sleep together. Youve always been my best friend and I worry if I maybe ruined something-"

"no, no, you didnt." he stopped you quickly, "we both decided to do it, it was very much mutual. please dont think like that"

"but everything has been so off between us since then...." you pick at the fabric of the carpet.

"Yeah, I agree, but I dont think it has anything to do with that stuff"

"I do"

He looked at you and chewed on the inside of his cheek, feeling cornered.

"It wasnt like what we did was exactly bad, we had fun, we made rules, set boundaries, we jus- I mean, do you regret it that much?" he murmured quickly.

you stared at him for a moment, watching his chest rise with anticipation for your next words.

"I dont regret it at all...thats the problem" you quietly admit

Taehyung looks up, unsure if he heard you right. "im-im sorry?"

You shake your head, "I don't regret any of it, tae. I feel like we approached it, all of it, wrongly. I messed up a lot of things for myself, I cant seem to look at you the same anymore." you add.

Taehyungs heart was in his stomach, he pinched his thumb to make sure he wasnt having some dream. "so, you mean that..you dont regret doing what we did?"

"do you?" you counter.

"absolutely not" he exhaled.

you both looked at eachother quietly for what felt like forever.

"I feel like ive already embarrassed myself enough today but i'll just add to it I suppose" you start, taking his hand and looking at it. "when I say I miss the old us, it means I miss the time before I pretty much set myself up to fail....I guess I developed some feelings for you, which is entirely cliche, i know, but Ive been programming myself to get over it because I know that you and I wouldnt work" you admit

His eyes widen quickly, not sure what to do other than laugh, which makes you confused.

"what?" you semi-smile as he stands and catches his breath

"y/n...oh y/n" he kneels down to you, "if only you knew" he sighed

"knew what?" you panicked

"Ive felt the same way about you for the past few months and its been fucking eating me alive!!!" he openly speaks, making your eyebrows rise.

"you have no clue how hard its been to see you with Kaito, wishing it was me. you have no clue what its been like to live with you and see you look like that every day, its painful!" he laughs, feeling free in finally admitting what has been eating him alive for so long.

You find yourself breaking out into a smile, small giggles as your stomach flipped at his words. You wouldnt have pictured this happening, but here you were.

"I dont care if I look like a fool right now, you just.... you just made everything so much easier" he took a breath, smiling like crazy

"did I?" you smile widely, feeling elated that the outcome to this wasnt an embarrassing one.

"how could you ever think we wouldnt work?" he asked, holding your hands as he spoke more quietly now

you shrug, "I just didnt think you saw me that way"

"ah...." he sighed, "we should have known, we arent hookup people." he joked, making you laugh as you started at each other.

"I didnt think it was gonna be this simple...." you giggle, squeezing his hand, still shocked at how easy the coming clean was.

"we are fucking idiots" he smiles before pulling you closer

"yeah, we are" you whisper before pushing your lips to his suddenly, pulling back to see his reaction.

He blushed, pulling you back down to him and returning the kiss once more. It wasnt rushed, it was sweet, slow and meaningful.

Once you pulled back to catch your breath, you cupped his face lovingly, feeling like right now, there is nothing more you could possibly do to make yourself happier. "you know we will still have to further discuss this whole thing, yeah?" you whisper, thumb grazing his cheek.

"I know, I know." his hand falls on top of yours, "I want you to know that I care about you and Im serious about this, but I also dont want to rush things..."

"same here" you add

"but as of right now...I really wanna kiss you again." he spoke, making you laugh as the blood rushed up to your face. "do it all you want" you breathe out, returning his lips to yours as you moved yourselves up onto the couch, your legs coming around to straddle him.

He nearly choked, pulling away to wrap his hands on your waist. "maybe we should move to a more comfy spot?" he chuckled

you looked around before realizing you were about to bang it out with your friend on the living room couch. "yeah, okay, bedroom?" you stood, grabbing his hand as you both ran into the hall, escaping into your room like 2 horny teenagers in love.

It was ironic, actually. The first few times you two had sex, it felt mature, it felt like there was more to it, but it wasn't genuine. After today, things felt like they didn't need to be as put together, it was okay to just be....

-

The bed dipped as you crawled onto it, turning over to lay on your back as you watching Taehyung join you, his figure hanging over yours. "whats so funny?" you smile, hands climbing up his arms, wrapping around his neck as you pulled him closer.

"nothing" he chuckled, lips moving from your jaw to your neck, making you gasp quietly. "just...think its funny how we always end up back here"

Your hand was tangled in his hair, "mhm...like I said, we are idiots" you smile, closing your eyes blissfully as his tongue swipes down to your clavicle. "dont tease, I think we both have waited long enough"

"okay, okay" he winked at you jokingly before gently moving his hands to your tank top, lifting it carefully. You sat up slightly, wrapping an arm around to unclip your bra and toss it to the side.

There was no shyness with him when it came to being naked, it was the feeling of comfort, like you know he would never judge you or your body, and he never did.

"mmm" he hummed against your neck, lips kissing down to your breasts as his tongue slid across your nipple. "ah-" your head gently fell against the pillows behind you, biting your lip to try to contain any noises that attempted to escape.

"youre okay with this, yeah?" he looked up a bit to catch your expression, making sure you were alright.

"yes, im okay with it" you smiled and watched as the boy carefully returned to pressing his lips against your chest, gently sucking the skin on the side of your breast so he would leave a mark.

The arousal between your legs was hidden under your shorts, thighs rubbing together beneath him as you tried your best to just let go and not be so tense.

"can we take these off?" he looked back at you, fingers lightly holding onto the hem of your shorts.

"I personally find it unfair that Im naked and you still have all of this on" you gestured to his hoodie and sweatpants, making him laugh. Usually when you two were in this position, there was very little talking, and very little time spent on taking clothes off. Taehyung wanted it to be different right now though, he wanted to take all the time in the world, there was no rush here.

You sat up and pulled down your shorts, kicking them off from around your feet before directly moving to take off Taehyungs hoodie, placing it somewhere off the bed. His lips attached to yours, pushing you back into the bed. Something about kissing Taehyung was just different, you couldnt put a reason as to why, exactly, it just was. The comfort that was felt, the way he was messy but also passionate as his tongue danced against yours.

His long fingers delicately ran across your chest, making its way ever so lightly down your stomach, and to your thigh, causing you to shiver a bit. "Youre so beautiful" he whispered, teeth grazing your ear lobe as his words spilled into your system.

He would beat himself up if he ruined this, if he hurt you, if he made you feel like you were anything less than what you had become; treating you as if your skin was nothing more than the thinnest glass. He didnt want to just compliment you, he wanted you to feel how much he has yearned for this, for you to understand his regret in not being 'a man' and openly expressing his feelings within the first go around. For someone who knew your body almost as well as his own, he was so worried about breaking it.

His index finger hooked into the hem of your underwear, beginning to lightly pull them down your legs. The exposure felt familiar, it wasn't nerve wracking for you. The man above you was one you trusted with your body more than anyone.

"taehyung" you breathed out, slightly parting both of your thighs apart, the feeling of his breathing against your skin as he slowly kissed down to your navel, stopping right before your center.

He took one last look up at you, perhaps it was a moment of pride, or an ego boost over, but seeing how red your face had become even in the dimly lit room gave him a sense of accomplishment- and he wasn't even rightfully touching you yet.

Once his tongue pressed flatly against your core, your hand shakily flew to grab onto his hair. If you hadnt been so aroused in the bliss, you would have opened your eyes and looked down at the boy sitting between your thighs. You woke up this morning with a sore jaw, headache, and a bone to pick, now here you were getting eaten out in your bedroom with the boy who put you in this position in the first place.

"mmmh" you used your other hand to press over your lips, knowing that if you were too loud, your neighbors might have a few words to share with you. His tongue continued to poke at your clit slowly, a little too slowly. His arm came up to press down one of your thighs, keeping your entrance open for his access.

"youre soaked, holy shit" he laughed softly, moving back and wiping your wetness off of his jaw as he began to use two of his fingers to trace along your vagina. "baby, please" you whispered, hand trailing down to find his hand, locking it into your own.

You gasped at the sudden intrusion of his long fingers, pushing deep into your cunt and retracting slowly, only to repeat over and over again. You couldnt tell if you were blushing at just the simple action, or the lewd sounds filling the room, either way you were left breathless and squirming under his touch.

"this okay?" he smiled, still feeling his chest tighten at the given fact you called him 'baby'.

"yea- oh my god..." you arch your back slightly when he presses his tongue back to your neglected clit, kitty licking it just barley.

"ride my fingers, cmon baby" he egged you on, unable to help the smirk stuck on his face as he searched around for that one spot.

You had to admit, you were surprised at Taehyungs dialogue- he was never one to speak during sex in general, despite the occasional pet name. It shocked you, but at the same time only turned you on more.

Your hips rocked gently against his hand as he added a 3rd finger, making you whine loudly. "I feel so full, fu-fuck" you clenched around his digits, catching his smug face as he watched you fall apart.

The ends of his fingers curled perfectly, making you moan aloud, hand slapping over your mouth once more as you tried to shut your thighs. He seemed proud of himself for being able to find your g-spot, recognizing your behaviors and hardening his actions even more.

"Taehyung, please," you plead, rocking your hips as a faint layer of sweat builds up on the creases of your legs. "cmon baby, cum for me, its okay just let go" he spoke so gently, in such a tone that didnt match the situation playing out in front of him.

His fingers continued to prod at your sweet spot before he returned his tongue to your bundle of nerves, watching your chest rise and fall frantically. "im right here" he whispered- and that was just what you needed to come apart.

"ohhh" you clenched around him once more, arching your back as your vision went white, you could have sworn you went blind for a moment. "you okay?" he asked, pulling his fingers out and crawling back up to you, kissing your forehead. Your eyes flutter open to see him, complete admiration in your face as you take him in. "yeah...yeah im okay...that was-"

"good?" he giggled shyly, his behavior completely switching from what it once was just a mere few seconds ago.

"yeah.." you sighed, smiling. You felt like you were on cloud 9, but you still wanted more. You, somewhere deep down, feared this was a dream, and he would leave if you stopped.

Your hands ran down the front of his chest and down his stomach, biting your lip as you looked back at him, noses touching a bit as he leaned to kiss you once more.

It started as slow kisses, but the eagerness you had for eachother quickly took over. Your hands led to the hem of his sweatpants as you untied them, his mouth attacking your neck roughly, panting.

"baby-" you whimpered, trying to push him back so you could take off his pants easier. He smiled at you and leaned back, untying them himself as he moved and slid them off along with his boxers.

You watched as his erection sprung out, eyes immediately drawn to the red tip leaking with pre-cum. You had to admit, you almost moaned just looking at it.

He caught your gaze as his hand began to stroke himself a few times, moving back above you. He blushed and tried to return to hiding his face as he kissed your jaw. "dont be shy now, its too late to be hiding" you teased, hands wrapping around him and gently grazing his back, pulling him down.

"you want this?" he asked once more, eyes looking into yours.

"I do, do you?"

"of course" he nodded, kissing you once more before bringing his dick to your center, sliding his tip up and down your folds slowly, making you lift your hips up in search of more friction.

You hid your face against his shoulder as he pressed himself into you, eyes checking and making sure you were okay while doing so. Once he bottomed out, he moved both of his forearms on either side of you, face against yours as he pressed his lips all over your face, peppering you in kisses. "are you okay, angel?"

You squeezed your eyes together until he was all the way in, it obviously wasn't your first time, but it definitely had been a long enough period of time since the last time you have had sex, so the feeling was a bit abnormal. You exhaled and opened your eyes faintly, "yeah im okay" you pressed your lips to his, feeling more comfortable as he made sure you felt okay enough before moving. "you can move now" you pushed his hair out of his face and cupped his cheeks, looking into his eyes as he began to move his hips, slowly pulling out only to push back in.

The first few strokes were not that pleasurable, so you wiggled your butt to allow him to access deeper into you, shifting the placement. He groaned quietly as he pushed back in, hands now gripping your hips.

"ahh, fuck" you whispered, pushing your head back into the pillow as you began to feel more pleasure between your legs, his dick reaching spots his or your fingers never could. "feel good?" he asked, fighting back his own moan as you clenched around him so deliciously, he had to go slow or he would cum right there and then.

"so fucking good" you grazed your hand down the side of his face as you whined, your arousal speaking for you as the wet sound became more audible the faster he pumped into you. "missed this, missed you" you admit, eyes squeezing shut once more

"missed you so fucking much" he groaned, crashing his lips against yours as he lifted himself carefully. "More please" you whisper shyly, feeling a tightness in your stomach that yearned to be released.

He sat back and gently gripped your thighs, spreading them further apart s you were exposed entirely. He took in your fucked out state before beginning to thrust into you once more, this time with a quickened pace.

He mumbled your name as he threw his head back, skin slapping against yours as your moans filled the room. "yes, yes" you encouraged him, bucking your hips up to meet him in between each time he pushed further into you.

He urged you to lift your hips as he put a pillow under your lower back, something he always did to ensure he reached your g-spot.

You gasped and clutched the blanket, whimpering as he continued to thrust into you. "right there!"

The headboard of your bed was clashing against the wall, creating a loud sound. You tried to reach over to hold it but couldnt, "tae, the neighbors, fuck, its too lou- oh!" you could barley finish a sentance, his dick fucking you just right as you felt yourself becoming dumb at his actions.

"I dont care, let them hear" he spoke forcefully, hands squeezing into your thighs as he held them up. "let them know how good you feel"

You clenched upon hearing his words, for someone who never did dirty talk, he sure fucking knew what to say.

You whined and gripped your chest as he pulled out, once again gliding his tip down your folds and to your clit. "so fucking perfect for me, baby" he whispered, pushing back in and making you moan louder at his sudden action.

"tell me-" Taehyung began, setting a pace as he thrusted into you, "did her ever touch you like this? did he ever make you feel this good?" he groaned, eyes trailing down your sweaty body squirming beneath him.

Your face grew red as you shook your head frantically, "no- no he didnt" you admit, whimpering as you began to feel a build up.

"good" he leaned forward, his dick angling just right as he got close to your face, "dont ever let anyone touch you like this" he warned, his possessiveness something entirely new to you.

"mhm, n-never" you manage to spit, nails digging into his shoulders and back. "baby im so close" you cried, sneaking a hand down to between your bodies, fingers rubbing at your clit as his mouth reached down to your breast, tongue prodding at your hardened nipple.

"me too" he breathed out, lifting your thigh higher as he fucked into you more, "fuck im gonna cum, where do you want it?" he exhaled

Your hands gripped him harder, barley managing to speak, "i-inside" you whimper, feeling your orgasm suddenly wash over you the same time his did. Your mouth fell open softly as you arched into the bed. You werent sure how loud you both were, but you knew that it was probably one of the best orgasms of your life.

"so good for me, y/n, always so fucking good" he gently pulled out, watching his semen spill out of you and onto the bedsheets. You pulled him back up to lay on top of you, the room silent, filled with heavy breathing. your hands delicately played with his hair, eyes shutting as his head rested on your chest.

You both werent sure how exactly this happened, or if it even should have happened, but it was something to worry about later. All of these months, harboring feelings and keeping secrets- it didnt mean anything anymore. You felt safe, comforted here with taehyung, and as you both silently spoke and praised eachother before drifting off to sleep, you hope he did too.

a/n- WELL THEN.

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[rin-and-jade]

hey I'm from the same system as 🌺, and I wanna add some stuff because unlike her I'm not blind to the abuse.

we are homeschooled so when the verbal abuse happened there wasn't anywhere else to escape to, I remember I used to literally hide behind things when I was younger.

I didn't learn to read until I was 10, and I'm dyslexic and autistic and dyspraxic and dyscalculic. so I absolutely suffered in academics for basically my whole life, my mother used to sit down with me and watch me stare at the work in front of my face and then yell at me because I didn't do it. or I messed up, or any slew of things fuck.

I was undiagnosed for autism for literally most of my life, I only got diagnosed when I was 13-14. so for a long long part of my childhood I was berated, yelled at, given the silent treatment, not comforted when I needed it and other stuff.

this is definitely because of her upbringing, and generational trauma. she's better now, but the damage has been done. and if I ever tried to bring this shit up now she'd just call me a liar, she loves to call me a liar.

after I learned how to read, I basically had to learn how to spell and write myself. I preferred it that way, because every time she try's to teach me stuff it always ended with me crying and her yelling.

oh I didn't even mention all the "talks" she has given me, basically telling me to "shape up, you're not doing anything with your life." when I have no freedoms? the digiverse is my only freedom, has been since I was a kid. I try to talk to her about my interests and she waves me away, though its gotten better. I still am not sure about her claims.

I literally can't go out by myself, I'm 17. I'm literally going to be 18 in a couple months and I've to this day never been on a trip somewhere on my own, I know I'm a bit oblivious at times. but I've always wanted that in my life.

maybe I'll get it now when I go to Tafe in person, and meet people. god I fucking hope.

I went through a lot of medical trauma from being hospitalised as a 6 month old because hot tea spilled on me, to asthma hospitalisations and more.

all under the age of 10 mind you, I've always been the "problem" child. mostly because of all my medical issues, and developmental issues. my addiction to YouTube, and screens in general. is it an addiction when it's literally the only thing that stops me from bursting into tears?

I didn't have friends for most of my life, and the ones I did. I only saw them at most once a week, most of the time it was once or twice a month until they grew tired of me.

I've had nice things, but all I really wanted was someone to listen to me. I used to literally wish everyday for most of my life, its only stopped now because I have AN ACTUAL FRIEND. and I'd kill everyone and then myself for him literally. (I'm referencing a meme)

but I was lonely most of my life, I love my siblings but its just not the same. I couldn't share my thoughts and feelings because they'd just tell mother.

once I had a friend group on this game, Cat game (that's literally what they are called.) and I was happy. a bit stressed because of drama, but it was nice to have someone who listened and cared.

I'm tempted to go back, but I just can't risk it. my family thought they were groomers, those people were more likely to be groomed then be groomers. I'm not dumb, I still feel bad for my abrupt departure.

but at least they know I loved them dearly, if like I mentioned any of my moots. or the fact I talk so outwardly on the internet they'd ban me actually ban me forever. and I can't let go of my one healthy coping mechanism.

I don't think I could ever tell them shit about my mental state, especially after the shit show that was lena trying to get us actual help. I still want to go to therapy and a psychiatrist, but I'm worried I'm just going to be abused verbally and emotionally more.

and right now, it's way less.

if they knew I considered myself trans, or supported nonbinary people or just most of the different gender identities. they'd tell me I'm wrong and they would have seen it, or that nonbinary people are doing it for attention.

why the fuck would I do any of this shit for that? I want your unconditional love, and support for my struggles. not that fake bullshit!

I have problems and I just want to help them, and nothing I do is good enough. I'm this disappointment half the time.

there was this one time. (maybe more) when my little brother was having a meltdown, and screaming. my mother's blood was boiling honestly, and she was yelling at him to "SHUT UP" "STOP CRYING FOR FUCKS SAKE" and such. she threatened to pull over and leave him on the road, a common threat of her's. and when his screams and cries got louder, she pulled over into this parks parking. and told him either he was to "SHUT UP, OR GET OUT." he didn't and he got out of the car, or was taken. either way he was outside of the car, I was crying and telling my mother to "STOP" and let him back in, I was 7-8 when this happened. and he must have been 3-4, and my little brother was crying and crying. and my mother had enough of the insubordination, and started to drive away. I started screaming then to go back for my brother, *I'm not sure which one it was, but it was one of them. and she kept driving, and driving.

I think she circled the block twice before letting my brother back in, but that was traumatic.

this sorta thing was why when I had my first suidal thought it was to open the car door and fall out, because I couldn't TAKE the verbal abuse that happened in the car.

I had depression I think, I had depression for most of my childhood.

but now, I feel happier. not because of anything that's happened in the real life, but the comfort I got from here. the internet.

there's many many more times I could talk about but I'm tired, I'll tell you more later.

but she's not good, I don't know if she's ever realised. but I just cannot be mad.

from me

Pop

That sure was a long story, read it word by word, i definitely relate to the bad treatment and threats i also got from my own mother. Kind of glad you’re still here and had got better, i witnessed a kid being pulled outside the car and even punched.. not lovely.

Anyway, i care to listen in what you have to say next time, i consider myself a great listener if anyone needs to vent too and whatnot,, and come back next time bro.

- j

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

I'm it's very random but i kinda wanna know this. How did you get into writing like what made you realise that it's something you wanna do?

Ps : i love you <333

okay, so, I have always been a storyteller, actually have a degree in it (sadly things that happened there gave me really bad ptsd and ruined it all for me, so that's why I'm not gonna be specific and use the actual words to say what I used to do) but I never really wrote the stories down, they were always told in other ways. I remember really loving it in school as a kid when the teacher was just like hey, write a story this week! and it was always the part of that subject that I truly excelled at, but maybe since I'm dyslexic, I was always too intimidated to try and write any of my stories down, tell them in that medium.

but then, as I got older, I started reading stories that just hit different, with main characters that I could truly mirror myself in (like the brown sisters trilogy, I remember that was one of them). it was bittersweet because it was both such an amazing feeling to read something that just made complete sense to me, but at the same time so sad that that was such a rare thing to see myself be represented like that. and I've always been good at relating to literally everyone under the sun (hyperempathetic autie, what up, what up, yo), but this just put it all into perspective.

it was a whole big thing, I remember it really went on over the summer/the end of 2021. asking myself all of these questions about well, what really is a good story? what is a good story to me? what do I like? pushing myself away from the stern boxes and rules that were hammered into me from an early age.

and then kinda because I found it very difficult to find stories that took that into account and for example didn't just lean on terrible communication for the sake of drama, also the fact that I kept reading things and thinking of way better ways to (to my personal taste) tell the story.

so therefore, one day, I just jumped into it. it's really only been a little over a year (think my earliest doc is from end of feb or early march 2022) but it feels like it's been so much longer. and because I am me, when I do something, I motherfucking do it. so by end of march last year, I wrote essentially every single day and its been like that ever since.

there are a lot of layers as well that I've talked in length with my therapist about it being me reclaiming a skill I was always praised for, my whole life, that got crushed and ruined and turned from the one thing that dragged me through my traumatic youth into the one thing that makes wanna die today. I am reclaiming it, I am taking back something that some very terrible people ruined for me.

I could ramble on about this forever, because it's kinda a lot, but I think that now you get the idea of how I got into writing.

p.s. I love you too <333

[jays-supersonic-dynamo]

OK YANNOW WHAT here’s non complete list of Bad Things lloyd’s gone thru. unsure if this’ll do anything now but i need to put it out here. remember the ninjagos as we were yanno….

- abandoned at a boarding school at a young age (pre-canon)

- kicked out of said boarding school, is likely homeless for a bit (season 1)

- manipulated by giant purple snake to unleash a bigger snake (season 1)

- held hostage and forced to go thru booby-trapped temples by snakes (season 1)

- almost dies in volcano (season 1)

- finally meets dad in person, and then is told that he is DESTINED have to defeat his dad like 5 mins later (season 1)

- dad then leaves, but not before lloyd catches him stealing information from the team and tells him to leave himself. lloyd is like 10 btw (season 1)

- helps explode city-sized snake. if that counts? (season 1)

- is forced to abandon his childhood interests by training to be a green ninja (season 2)

- is literally forced to abandon his childhood by being forcibly aged up into a teenaged body (season 2)

- i don’t remember a lot of season 2 its been a while

- at some point he reunites with his mom, who did abandon him at that boarding school very young btw. not saying its not a complex situation but. (season 2)

- has to fight his dad, watch his dad be consumed by like. this primordial manifestation of evil while trying to fight him (season 2)

- is the last one standing, has to watch his found family be consumed by darkness while he goes and fights big bad alone (season 2)

- i don’t remember a lot of season 3 either

- gets captured and drained of his power by big bad, stays like that for a chunk of the season while the rest of the main cast deal with the big bad (season 3)

- watches member of team (team who helped raise him btw. if u even care) sacrifice himself and die to defeat big bad. the team splits up after that completely (season 3)

- admittedly most of season 4’s drama is not around lloyd he just hangs out and worries for the most part. at one point he drives a car around a roller derby rink i can remember that

- his dad, who he’s known only for about 4 seasons and has been good and in his life for 2 seasons, is turned into a snake and then sacrifices himself to defeat the big bad (season 4)

- is possessed by a vengeful former student of master wu’s (season 5)

- the ghost puppets him around for a good chunk of the season (season 5)

- and then he’s held hostage by the ghost in exchange for a important plot gem. and then he’s too weak after the possession and almost drowns (season 5)

- he’s ok enough to fight big bad at the end. sees his dad in the Prison Dimension Where They Put Bad People :( (season 5)

- uhhhhh he’s also there during the horrors (season 6)

- goes to JAIL where everyone hates them (season 6)

- at some point lloyd makes a wish to be wise and then he starts rapidly aging into an old man that was fucked up (season 6)

- its ok tho season 6 was wished away so it never technically happened? its complicated.

- im having a bad time remembering what happens to lloyd in some of these seasons man. sometimes he just hangs out

- is manipulated into a kinda-relationship and then the girl, harumi, actually locks him in a cage again and tells him that she’s hated him for forever because of the damage that big snake caused all the way back in s1 (season 8)

- harumi was secretly the leader of a biker gang that’s been using lloyd’s dad’s image to do evil biker gang things this whole time (season 8)

- harumi then uses lloyd and his mom as part of a ritual to literally bring lloyd’s dad back from the dead, but only the evil parts (season 8)

- harumi and the biker gang and now lloyds dad break out of prison. lloyd goes down to fight his dad and do the “i know you’re in there!” type fight. it does not work btw. garmadon throws lloyd around a lot tells him he isnt his son and then throws him thru a wall and he almost dies (season 8)

- watches almost all of his family “die” kinda sorta. (season 8)

- has to avoid being captured by evil biker gang, be a resistance leader, and be a symbol for hope the whole season (season 9)

- harumi is crushed by apartment building and its incredibly cathartic. anyway lloyd feels guilt and in a later season it’s implied he searched for her body in the rubble (season 9)

- eventually fights his dad again this time he wins but his dad (evil) is ominous about it (season 9)

- uhhh lloyd and his dad are the only ones immune to the Gas That Freezes Everyone so he has to wrangle his dad for that (season 10)

- dies and meets god (season 10)

- god sent him back its ok (season 10)

- lightning chicken attacka him :( (season 11)

- goes off on his own to confront this local evil overlord and is imprisoned by him, while looking for lost friend (season 11)

- it turns out that his lost friend turned into the evil overlord due to fucked up shit!! and lloyd is only barely able make the “i know you’re in there” thing work this time! (season 11)

- has to fight digital harumi in video’s game. harumi-typical emotional manipulation but only for like 2 minutes bc this is an 11-minute episode show now (season 12)

- admittedly a lot of the wildbrain seasons are focused on other ninja so lloyd just hangs out. good for him! good for him.

- member of the ninja turns into the sea and the entire team splits up again, all mourning her loss (season 15)

- spends first couple of episodes of the season in the mindset that he’s unworthy as a ninja and as a leader since he led them into losing that team member and now its not worth it to even try anything other than be a window washer (season 16)

- wrangling the rest of his team 2 electric boogaloo (season 16)

- commits crime to bring team member back, is arrested, goes to fucking JAIL where everyone there hates them because the ninja put all the villains there in the jail in the first place (season 16)

- ends up imprisoned by harumi (and associates) AGAIN (season 16)

- harumi-typical manipulation (season 16)

- thinks that all of his teammates were crushed to death for a bit, accidentally taps into the Evil Power (season 16)

- goes to see his dad, gets pissed at his dad, dad tells him that he needs to use more Evil Power (season 16)

- thinks his dad has died! taps into Evil Power as a result. gets too scared of himself and snaps out of it but. also his dad is alive he was just faking it (season 16)

- whole team is fucking split up again because of a Big Fucking Event (dr season 1)

PROPAGANDA UNDER THE CUT: [SPOILERS AND POSSIBLE TRIGGERS AHEAD]

ANTIGONE:

LLOYD GARMADON:

[boombambaby]

Drabble; Walk the Llama

Let me fill you in on a little secret. Come here.

. . . No, closer.

I don’t actually mind the whole ‘living like a peasant’ thing as much as I thought I would.

I know, I know. You’re probably thinking: ‘but Kuzco, you’re the Emperor! You should be treated like royalty at all times! Because you are!’

And you’re absolutely right! But sometimes, it’s nice to get away from the city.

Chicha’s been teaching me how to do– what’d she call them again, OH! Right. “Chores”. Like, the laundry and dishes and stuff. Turns out, peasants have to do that sort of thing for themselves all the time! Without any help. Can you believe that?

I offered to bring Chicha some of the palace servants to do it all for her, and she just gave me the evil eye ‘Chicha-stare’ and told me to ‘shut up and start scrubbing’. Pfft.

Talk about ungrateful.

Anyways; point is, I don’t mind it! Saying that I like it is . .. probably going a little too far, but. It’s not the worst thing in the world. Which brings me, and you– my loyal subjects– to what’s happening right now! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kuzco draws the poncho over his head with a smile, carefully moving his hair out of the way and brushing his hands down the front of it to make sure everything is laying right. The fabric is coarse, as one would expect from wool, but its hands down the nicest gift he can ever remember receiving. 

The stark red color of the llama icon on the front contrasts with the muted green coloring of the rest of it, and he can remember how hard he laughed when Chicha first presented it to him as a birthday gift. He’s just sliding his sandals on when he hears it, what sounds like. . . singing? Coming from the direction of Pacha’s hill. It’s so out of place it takes him a moment, and he strides over to the window to see if he can figure out who’s responsible before realizing it’s coming from the other side of the hill, behind his hut.

He was heading up to Pacha’s anyways to help him with. . . something to do with ‘muck’, he isn’t even sure– so he finishes getting ready and heads out to check it out for himself. A short time later and Kuzco arrives at Pacha’s hut, and he heads straight for the back where he was expected to meet Pacha anyways. He stops dead in his tracks at the sight that greets him, mouth hanging open for a moment before he remembers himself and moves closer to the wall so he can lean against it and watch. “Walk the llama llama– “ (Pacha) “Walk the llama llama!” (Chaca & Tipo) “Take in the panorama!-- ” “Walk the llama llama!” “Don’t have to be a drama–” That would be Pacha– the big, fat llama herder he’s privately come to think of as a father figure– SINGING. Out loud. In public. With Chaca and Tipo. The three of them are out in the field, in the middle of a herd of llamas they’re corralling towards the fenced in area. Chaca and Tipo are holding some kind of instruments in their hands as they sing the chorus, with Pacha guiding the llamas as they walk and making sure the kids are following along with him. Kuzco leans up against the huts wall with a grin on his face, content to just watch for the moment and amused beyond belief. He’s going to have joke material from this on Pacha FOREVER. “Cool in the summer, warm in the cold– a perfect fashion statement for the young and the old!” “Walk the llama llama– “ “A cloak for the priest, a hat for the farmer– you could be looking at the Emperor’s pajamas!”

Chaca and Tipo laugh at this, and he can see now that they’re brandishing shears as they start in on collecting the wool from the first few llamas they managed to gather up. “That’s why the llama walks so proud, that’s why the llama holds his head up in the crowd. All of us applaud his generosity, he’s more than just a passing curiosity. He covers up our pride–” “-- and all those things we have to hide!” “In any civilized society!” By the time he ends the song on a purposefully low note, Kuzco has already pushed himself off of the wall to make his way over to the trio as they dissolve into fits of laughter. “SOOOO–” He calls, announcing his presence in as grandiose a manner as possible, just to see if he can make Pacha jump. He does. “You’re the ones making my pajamas for me, huh? Always wondered where they came from!” “Kuzco, you’re– how long have you been here?” “Long enough to know you couldn’t carry a tune with a bucket, old man.” Chicha and Tipo laugh at his joke, and Kuzco stops in front of them all with a grin, folding his hands behind his back. “Okay Kuzco, that’s enough.” Pacha tells him in his best stern ‘dad’ voice, with a roll of his eyes. “Are you here to criticize me, or to help us out?” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Turns out Pacha has been singing that song to Chaca and Tipo for months, in an effort to make shearing llama's fun, or something. And despite how off-tone he is, it seems like it’s working! Shocking, I know. I learned another thing that day, too! A very important lesson I will keep with me forever. . . . The next time someone asks me to help them with ‘muck slinging’, the answer will ALWAYS be NO. Or that I’m out of town. Or busy with. . . stuff. Important Emperor-type stuff. Muck slinging? That’s for the peasants. No thank you.

[skylilac]

SCREAMINGASDSFKLSDKL

[x-xsunlightx-x]

Gray skies ( Reader × Samuel)

" What drugs are you taking? "

Samuel just invited you out for the first time in forever, and you wanted to turn him down because you thought he finally got sick of you and was going to get rid of you today, But you were way too curious to not come, and now you're here.

You two were sitting in a restaurant balcony . Samuel Took another sip from his drink while you're still trying to recover from your shock . It been like hours and you guys still haven't said almost anything

" This is the third time you ask me that"

" I know for a fact you wouldn't waste your time on me , so you're definitely high or something to invite me like that all of a sudden-"

" How is big deal? "

...

" How am I supposed to know, and since when do you care-"

" Oh please, Even No.5 admitted you are good at collecting information more than her, I know you know something"

" Well they are obviously doing terrible, Since you know some guy with glasses and his whole circus is after them"

" I heard you're a part of that circus now? "

" Unfortunately yea , Can't believe all the drama happened in the 5th affiliate just right after I left "

The waitress came with your Favorite cake, You were about to eat it when you remembered that you didn't ordered it

" Isn't this your favorite flavor? "

How in Earth does he know your favorite flavor? You don't remember going out with him to your favorite bakery or ever telling him about it, but you decided not to question it further and just enjoy the cake

" So Sammy , don't tell me you invited me here to talk about big deal "

He doesn't seem to mind that you called him Sammy this time, he would always get mad at you if you named him that but it seems like he isn't in the mood to fight today

" i did actually "

Samuel face didn't show any type of emotion , So you couldn't tell wither he is asking about big deal because he enjoys their suffering or because he actually misses them.

" Thinking about them reminded me of you unfortunately"

" You never liked me back then, and well you still don't like me now"

" I have no one else to talk to, so I have no other choice but to get used to you"

" oh hell no , go talk to the wall"

" am talking to one right now"

" hey stop drinking, am not gonna drive"

Unfortunately Samuel already got drunk, And you think its about to rain now, you have to get him out of here before he starts talking more nonsense

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

" you're so freaking heavy"

You and Samuel finally got inside of the car, You started the car and wanted to get something from the backseat before moving but when you turned around you saw Samuel's face an inch away from yours and he was looking at you , waiting for a reaction

" hey?"

...

" I hate you"

Surprisingly he said that with what seems to be a genuine smile and you couldn't help but smile too

" Hate you too ♡"

[expfcultragreen]

Ive conferred with luke, who is a music history encyclopedia. He says he doesnt know santana's version of hotel california.

In my universe, hotel california was a cultural juggernaut and "smooth feat. thentimes adam levine" was a slept on follow-up that mirrored the bring-a-white-guy-on-board format (clapton was the white guy on board for hotel california but santana sang) and had a similar music video (but not identical by any means...santana had on a straw fedora and sat on the stoop of a spanish colonial style hotel, unnamed characters pantomime dramas like couples fights and drinking and stuff, theres some casual salsaing as extras fall in love or are feeling themselves out on the veranda etc).

Also the chad kroger feature i just now found out about? That was recieved a bit lukewarm relative to the prior big hit due to how there was this snowballing thing of "enough santana" because of the whole "massive hit you cant stop hearing" thing? That is what happened with hotel california and i guess smooth in my universe, but they came out more or less back to back, like smooth or whatever was a quick followup and people still just played hotel california instead

Like i guess for some reason its of cosmic importance for everyone to know that thats an eagles song and to hate them for writing it, as opposed to hating santana for popularizing it. I can actually see making this change myself now that i consider is lmao

Ok so there is a timeline-shifter test here, right? Ask someone "is hotel california a santana song?" And if they say "yes" or "actually the eagles wrote it, his version was just the bigger hit/the one everyone remembers/etc" youve got a mandela'd person

Not hints, preamble, whatever--just ask "is hotel california a santana song"

Because this is the universe where no one on earth should say either of the above two things instead of "noooo, its the eagles". This is the universe where the radio has been playing hotel california by the eagles half the time since forever

Crucially, you must do this in person so they cant be looking it up online first to have something to say and be incidentally forging memories about it or something

IM FROM THE UNIVERSE WHERE THE SANTANA COVER OF HOTEL CALIFORNIA IS THE ONLY VERSION ANYONE HAS EVER HEARD BTW

LIKE, WHERE IM FROM, NO ONE EVEN KNOWS ITS AN EAGLES SONG. THATS "LORE"

Fucking crazypills, i cant find the video on yt and it has uh, under fifty scrobbles on last.fm

But like i know it as the definitive version!!!! The video got played incessantly on much when it came out around 2002?

In retrospect there was a turning point where suddenly i went from only hearing the santana version on car radio to only hearing the eagles version

I thought people had like, gotten sick of hearing the santana version all the time (like every place that has music playing was playing the santana version of hotel california fully half the time, for like 4 years after its release at least) and went for a deep cut by unearthing the original, because of the novelty factor, but like, then it never went away and im only just now realizing that... in light of the way the santana version seems to have barely even existed, im in full a mandela-shook spiral about it

[honeybeewhereartthee]

IMAGINE accidentally finding yourself in rinne village when his still living there as the next monarch and not run away from home yet.

MC: am I in another world? I don't remember being run over by the infamous truck-kun through.

Then they have this ' Oracle ' about a person from the outside world appearing in their village when their place is very hard to find unless your local there. And lucky you, you have the ability to get lost in the most stupid way like you have Zoro's blood run through you(only the being lost part is being inherited). So your the only outside visitor after a long, long, long time.

[ the outlander is the destined fated person of a fallen warrior monarch. Their descendants would be the key to get the glory of the ancestors --bluh bluh]

MC, daze after a long day of not eating and drinking after being lost in the forest or mountain biome don't process the words of the local who suddenly start worshipping and kissing your ass (metaphor one):...oh. who's that outlander... Is it a*ther and l*mine?

Cute red haired teen: it's you of course! Your going to marry big brother. 😁

MC: haha.

Cute red haired teen: haha haha

MC: hahaha haha.

Cute dumb red haired teen: hahaha. What are laughing at, sister in law?

MC:...

MC: people here are all weird.

You decided to run off that place that very same night, you did eat your full so you could survive out in the wild back to the city.

Through along the way of escaping, you meet another red haired in that village near the borders.

Seggsy red haired: what's good outside this walls?

MC: ...

MC: depend what you seek. But if you don't take risk to see the unknown you'll be stuck with regrets.

Also MC: man, quoting that deep of message makes me want to say Pog out loud but the drama in this scene can't be destroyed.

Seggsy red haired: is that so? Then you don't want to stay here ? You can live a very luxurious life being the spouse of the monarch.

MC: I don't even meet the guy, and you all weird with your tradition and all. Get a life. Goodbye seggsy stranger. You can pass the look of an idol btw if you go out this place.

And you runaway, somehow find yourself back to the city. Forget about the whole thing after a few years but then meet same cute red haired teen who yelled out of the open.

"BROTHER, ITS YOUR SPOUSE"

Btw, your in a concert since your friend dragged you in this place. It supposed to be a concert of idols but your stuck on your room for years since your quarantine (and your introvert which made it, more amazing ) so you don't know much what happen outside. Much less idols in idol industry.

Your lucky that your in the backstage (your Zoro's blood of being lost have triggered again) so only stuff and some folks in outfit (idols) heard and saw the scene.

Yellow wild child(aira): SPOUSE? HIIRO, LIKE YOUR OLDER BROTHER SPOUSE? *GASP, RINNE AMAGI HAVE A SPOUSE?! 👁️ 👄 👁️ 📸

others are just to shock to speak or careless about it (HiMERU)

MC: you most be mistaken.

MC: nope it's totally that teen from years ago. Damn. I almost forget about it.

Fleeing is the key, but even if you escape today who says you can escape forever? That being said you saw familiar faces when your out eating some sweets in the nearest cafe when your so hungry from long walk (being lost again for hours) when you open the door you dont notice someone looking at you till you felt your sense of space beings intrude by a arms being out around your shoulder.

Seggsy tall red haired: why I don't know I'll see my-- *teezzzzz

MC, who's holding a mini taser: keep your distance.

You heard laughing in some corner as your about to walk out of the cafe but your feet is been grab by the collapse no sense of space guy.

Seggsy tall red haired: ahaha... I like you.

MC: horrible choices || thanks I love myself too.

That same Day, you gain a leech on your life who bothers you more than fans of the team bothers you as his an idol--reason? He said his spouse like idols so he use that reason to run away from that other worldly village he lives in. Turn out his the older brother that other red haired called older bro and your so called spouse by oracle bluh bluh. And his name is Rinne Amagi.

Context: reader is known as MC. This is a crack fiction.

Hiiro Amagi speaking

Rinne Amagi speaking

The thoughts of the unknown

Oracle of the old time

PART 2

[rafescoke]

Never sent a request idk if I do this right. Been to lazy and not good lately and honestly I just need a good fluff. The basic plot where he is in a bad mood like angry and then he turns to his lover etc etc. Do your thing I just need some comfort and love!

Cupcake ; Rafe Cameron

masterlist

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: Maybe making cupcakes with a girl he likes won’t be a bad thing

Warnings: Slight angst on the earlier part, cursing, substance, extreme fluff, adorable Rafe Cameron

A/N: I hope you're doing good, sending all my love and hugs @ you <33 remember to rest!!! @asimpwriter

p.s; you know the drill - send any requests!

"Fuck off," Rafe sighed, shutting his eyes against the bright chandelier above the dinner table. Since when did it got so bright? The last time he checked, it was dimmed. "I swear Sarah, say one more word and I'll fucking kill you."

"Rafe," Ward sighed, placing his cutleries down onto the expensive wooden table. "It's family time. Excuse your sister."

"She's hanging around with those stupid pogues, dad!" he groaned, not wanting to believe that his dad was on her side. Not that he was ever on his, but he thought his father would have the same mindset as him towards this topic.

"Let. It. Go."

"They're my friends," she breathed, and Ward closed his eyes again, knowing the screaming that was about to occur. "I'm sorry you're stuck with Topper-"

"Didn't you cheat on him?" he laughed, and turned to look at his dad. He mouthed at him with an amused expression, "She cheated on him."

"I didn't, and we broke up 2 weeks ago. I'm sorry he couldn't move on from me," Sarah shrugged, and Rafe watched as she put aside her green beans and offered some of the mashed potatoes to Wheezie.

How could she act so normal about this?

"Oh, and-" Sarah turned to Ward, and Rafe waited impatiently for the lies that was about to slip from her mouth. "Do you know that he does drugs?"

"Sarah!" Rose yelled, furrowing her eyebrows as Rafe laughed out loud, clapping his hands loudly that the sound echoed throughout the huge house. "It's a family dinner!"

"I don't give a fuck about this family," Sarah said, removing the napkin from her lap and quickly standing up to get out of the house. Ward didn't say anything, neither did Rose, and after a few seconds, he let out a sigh.

"This is getting out of hand," he started, clasping his hands. "Rafe, I'm no longer letting you take over my business."

Rafe stopped his movements, looking at his father with widened eyes. After all those time he spent at college, trying to make his father proud and to take over the business, only for this?

"Dad, you can't. She's lying, dad, I haven't been using drugs."

"I saw the stash, Rafe," he sighed, and Rafe thought about the space under his bed. He closed his eyes, muttering a ‘fuck’ when he finally remembered the empty space. He didn't think much about it earlier, thinking about how he must have used up all of the powder.

"Until you get your life back on track, or nothing at all."

"Dad-"

"Go find your sister, and bring her home."

"Dad, please-"

"Go find Sarah."

"Okay," he sighed, standing up immediately and letting the chair scraped the polished floor. Wheezie shifted uncomfortably at the sound, and Rafe had an urge to do it again, just for the sake of riling his father's anger.

He cursed silently, walking away towards the table and to the porch, all while thinking about the joy if he could destroy the Pogues' life for making his hard.

The drive from Figure 8 to The Cut took him 30 minutes at high speed and being fully caffeinated, and when he arrived at the Chateau, all riled up from the quarrel with his father that he had before, he didn't try to see if his sister was even in there before barging into the small home.

"Yo, what the fuck?"

"Where's Sarah?" he muttered, giving Kie his side glance and continued searching for her. "Where the fuck is she?"

"Yo, bro, this land is off to the kooks," JJ stepped in, eye to eye as he leveled up to Rafe's height. He was only an inch shorter, but the difference was apparent. He continued to place his hands against his chest, whispering slowly. "Especially to crackheads like you."

Rafe laughed, tilting his head to the back to release the tension building up in his body. He was so, so close to give the blonde boy the consequences of his words, but was halted when Sarah entered the room, hand in hand with John B.

"What are you doing here?" she groaned, walking forward and standing in front of him. "God, can't you leave me alone?"

"Oh, trust me, I rather do that more than anything especially-" his eyes trailed to John B, "When you're fucking with a trash."

"JJ-" Kie stepped up, pulling JJ's shirt to stop him from doing anything. She sighed, knowing that this was bound to happen anytime soon, and she had told John B about this before, but he didn't listen. Now it was like her job to protect her friends from Rafe.

"Leave," Sarah stated, her lips pulled into a tight grimace. "Leave before I'll tell dad about this."

"I'm just trying to protect you," he ran his fingers through his hair, making it more messier than ever. Why couldn't she get that? All he was doing - it was all to protect her, so that his father could see him for what he's worth.

"You know what?" he sighed, wrapping his face with his large hands and turning towards the exit. "You wanna be one of them? Go. Don't ever come back home. You're just another trash, anyways."

He wasn't sure if he meant them, or if it came from the heat of the moment. All he could think about was to run away, to hide and to never come out and face his father or the judgement put by everyone else. He felt an uneasy feeling rising in the pit of her stomach, but he was too proud to say sorry.

“That was useless," he thought, leaning over his motorcycle and blinking his eyes against the lights by the side of the road. He couldn't go back now, not when his father had just ordered him to bring Sarah home and he had failed to do so, and he couldn't go to Barry's; his dad could find him there if he search for him the next day.

He groaned, feeling the cold air nipping at his skin until the final thought occurred to him. He laughed then, not sure as to why he hadn't been thinking of that sooner, and soon he was in front of the mini apartment.

He rapped on the door and waited patiently, his heartbeat quickening. He looked at his watch, checking if his arrival was too late. He groaned, noticing the time, but it would be embarrassing for him to turn now.

(Y/N) was trying to figure out what colour should she put into the frosting mixture, her hands on her waist when she heard the knock.

Her head instinctively looked at the clock, frowning when she read the time. It was not that late, only around 10 p.m., but she was not ready for any guests or her friends to come over.

Had she been too loud that the cranky neighbor next door who sleeps early everyday had come to tell her off?

She sighed, lowering the music coming from the radio before making her way to the door. She was in nothing but her ribbed top and a pair of sweatpants, and her hair was messier than ever.

"I'm sorry, Jerry," she sighed, opening the door to greet the old man. But standing in front of her was not the grey-haired man with furrowed eyebrows, ready to scold her, but it was the boy she had been crushing on since forever instead.

"Rafe?" she exclaimed, and she couldn't deny the shock spreading through her veins at the sight of him. He was sweaty, like he had just been in a fight, and his shirt was sticking to his body. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, I'm sorry, can I come in?"

The smell of freshly baked cupcakes wafted into his nostrils, and he noticed the drool in his mouth. He didn't eat dinner that much, being forced to chase after his sister, and all he wanted was to enjoy some good food and get a good sleep for the night.

"I'm not. . . we can't. . . I'm not prepared for anything-"

"It's okay, I didn't come for sex," he bit his lips, trying to contain her amused laughter at her statement. "We're friends, (Y/N), aren't we?"

"Yeah," she raised a brow, not grasping at the way he was playing his words. She allowed him in, asking him to sit by the kitchen counter and checking her porch outside to see if there was any cameras in case he was trying to prank her.

Rafe Cameron never contacted her for anything if it wasn't for sex.

"What are you making?" he pointed at the mess on the kitchen, and (Y/N) tried to hide her red face as she quickly tried to put the stained bowls and cutleries into the sink.

"Uh, cupcakes."

"Yum," he chuckled, liking the way she was so nervous around him. The truth with (Y/N), she was extremely wild in bed but also very shy outside. It was like a complete two different person, but he was always intrigued by this.

The first time they had done the deed, he was shocked when she got into control, and he would lie if he said he didn't enjoy it. That night was one of Rafe’s best nights, the starting point to the many after.

"Relax, (Y/N)," he laughed, watching as she tilted a cup and placing his hand under the table to catch it before it could break. (Y/N) yelped, struck to her position, and let out the biggest relief when Rafe put it back to its previous place, safe as ever.

"Why are you so jumpy?" he whispered, sneaking beside her to help with whatever she was doing. He hadn't got a clue about this whole baking thing, only watching Cake Wars for the drama, but he wanted to help the girl beside him if it means he got to spend time with her.

"What are you doing?" she muttered, glancing at Rafe's hands as he whisked the fluffy frosting. "Rafe, you're going to get it more clumpy."

"No, I won't."

"Rafe, I swear," she groaned, reaching over to grab the whisk only for him to turn around, laughing while she struggled to get him.

"I'm just making it more fluffier," he smiled, continuing to whisk the mixture without even looking at the white colloid. He was too busy looking at her, and he wondered if she knew about the small amount of flour powder that had gotten on the top of her nose.

"Was the coke good?"

"Huh?" she tilted her head, confused, and still angry at the way he was not listening to her.

"The nose. Was the coke good?"

(Y/N) gave him a look before going to the corner to stare at herself in the mirror, letting out a yelp when she saw the powdery stain on her nose. She quickly dusted them off, stalking back to the still-whisking boy, and she wondered about the amount of energy he had in him and how he was still not tired.

"Rafe! It's all clumped!" she sighed, finally having a hold on the large bowl. She took her a finger and tipped it into the mixture, pulling out before slipping the finger into her mouth. Her face scrunched up, and she reached for the glass of water by her side.

"What? It's more prettier. More texture-ish. If we're in Cake Wars, we'll be the winner."

"That's not how it works," she groaned, pouring the failed mixture into the sink and letting the water cleansed them off. "Now my cupcake's going to be naked."

"You know what can be naked too?"

She held up her middle finger, placing the wet bowl onto the counter and using the clean cloth to wipe it dry. "And I'm not giving these to the children's home naked. You have to help me, Rafe."

Rafe felt a smile tugging on his lips at the mention of 'children’s home', and he thought about how perfect could she be. She’s the epitome of the girl everyone wants to be - she's good in school, never using anyone's money for her, good at baking, and has a big heart?

He thought about how she's good in bed too, but he tired to shake the childish thought away.

"What can I do? Should I go to the store and get any Betty Crocker's frosting?" he offered, his hands in his pocket to reach for his keys. He watched as her shoulder slumped, and he felt bad for ruining her cake. He touched her shoulder, "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't know it would actually be clumped. I thought it would get even more fluffier."

"You don't think, Rafe, that's why," she sighed, "But that's alright. Do you think you can help me make another one?"

"Are you sure? I don't want to ruin anything," he backed away, glancing at the sink and thinking about the clumped mixture making their way to the sewer.

"Yes. Can you reach for that sugar? That's flour, Rafe, god, yes, yes, okay, c'mere," she rolled her eyes, taking the container from him and dumping the content into the dried bowl. "Now, what do we do?"

"Put water?"

(Y/N) laughed, tilting her head to one side, trying to clutch her stomach from hurting. "Yeah, if you want the kids to get sick."

"Okay, Gordon, what should we do next?" he grunted, but he liked the lightness in the air. How the conversation flowed easily, and how quick he regained her trust to help her make whatever this is.

It was like she didn't care about the Rafe Cameron that gets into fights with the pogues or snorts coke when he's stressed. He felt like staying in this moment forever, wanting to help her bake whatever and watching her smile.

(Y/N) handed him the butter, muttering something along the words of 'dump them in', 'use the mixture', 'you're going to break your arms' and 'watch while it's whisking'.

He didn't care about the many orders she was giving him - he enjoyed it. He truly liked how his night was ending after a long day of bullshit, starting with his college sending him a letter for the vandalism he had caused outside of the Dean's office, Kelce and Topper going on a road trip without him and giving him the explanation of 'we asked you, and you said no'.

In truth, he didn't even remember anything about meeting them. His memory was starting to fade, and he shuddered at the thought of not knowing anyone when he reaches Ward's age.

"Okay, that's enough," she groaned, switching the button off. Rafe apologized quickly, being so caught up with his own thoughts, and waited for her next order.

"Choose the colour," she exclaimed happily, pointing out two different food dyes. "I can't choose!"

Rafe skimmed over the label that said 'blue' and 'pink', and made a face. "Are you going to give the blue ones to the boys and the pinks to the girls or something?"

"What? No?"

"Okay. . . why can't we just use both?"

"And make purple?"

"Yeah? Hey, look, I'm wearing blue and you're wearing pink!"

(Y/N) looked down to the ribbed top, noticing the colour, and her face turned into a red shade. Now everything's going to be awkward.

"Okay, purple it is," she rolled her eyes, giving him the blue bottle and taking the pink one for herself. "Three drops together. Are you ready?"

"Mhm."

"1."

Rafe licked his lips, so eager to watch the colour forming.

"2," she looked at him, and back to the frosting. "Rafe!"

"What?" he raised a brow, following her gaze and watching the blue dots on the frosting. He put his hand over his mouth, too stunned to say anything. "Oh my god, I'm so-"

(Y/N) laughed out loud, this time with her hands gripping onto the kitchen counter to stabilize herself, her mind rewinding back to his expression when he found out what he just did.

"Ha-ha, now you're just being an asshole," he rolled his eyes, but he was glad he had made her laugh. Instinctively, her laugh had made him feel better, and all of his worries dissipated into the air.

After a while, she tried to get ahold of herself to put the pink drops in, but failing to do so as his face kept appearing in her mind. Rafe groaned, having to wait for a few minutes now, and pulled her to feet. He pushed her against the counter, her back against his front as he trapped her.

"Don't laugh."

(Y/N) bit her lips, being in this position but not for what they usually do, and concentrated on dropping 3 drops of pink into the bowl. She cheered when she was done, pulling his hand away to move to the other side. The back of her neck was still hot, and she could still feel his arms around her.

"Mix it," Rafe smiled, leaning against the counter to watch as the mixer whisked the frosting, turning the pearly white colloid to a beautiful dark purple.

"It's dark!" she groaned, but she thought about how it still looked good, though it wasn't her expectation. Her job was almost finished now, and she could hear her bed calling.

"Now, the fun part," she smiled, taking her icing materials and placing them before his eyes. She watched as he laughed, being so excited as if he was a toddler seeing a playground for the first time.

"They used these in Cake Wars," he said proudly, showing her a nozzle.

"Stop with your Cake Wars," she mumbled, preparing the icing bag and giving Rafe one. "Put some frosting- not yet, Rafe, God, do you ever wait? Don't fill the bags too much, just in the middle, yes, just like that, and, wait, let me do mine."

She showed him how to do the perfect icing, practicing on a clean plate and asking him to do the same. He scoffed at her, saying how he got this, but what appeared was nothing more than a crooked line.

"That's nice," she muttered, sighing. "For a coming-out party."

Rafe groaned, trying to copy her artwork, and by the time it was 12.03 a.m., he had managed a copy of hers. Not literal, but there was a hint of hers in his.

"Okay. Now, Rafe, we'll make this quick. I do 80 cupcakes, and you do 20. Is that okay?"

"Yes, ma'am," he said, concentrating on his piping bag. He watched as she did the first cupcake, ending her icing perfectly and exclaiming happily as she put it aside. She looked at him, waiting.

"Don't look at me, you're making me nervous," he mumbled, and leaned to decorate the cupcake. It took him a total of 2 minutes, stopping at times and getting a yell from (Y/N), saying how he should not stop, and the result was impressive. At least to him.

"This will probably be in the rejected part of a bakery, you know, that they'll sell with a discount."

"Not everyone can do arts, (Y/N)," he rolled his eyes, but he truly enjoyed the joke.

It was nearing one in the morning when Rafe saw her sighing in relief, placing the last cupcake into the pastry box and safely storing them in the refrigerator. Her hair was in a bun, he had helped her put them up, and when she refused to let him help her, he gave her a poke.

"What? It's not like it's my first time putting your hair up."

"God, Rafe, you're impossible."

His eyes were almost shut, being so tired after being a cake decorator, and all he wished for was to pull her into her bed and sleep until the morning greets them. He waited until she was done cleaning all of the utensils, walking tiredly towards to him to wake him up.

"Get change, Rafe, I'm not letting you sleep in my bed with that shirt and that sweatpants."

"It's not a problem before," he mumbled, allowing himself to be pulled by her to the bedroom. He removed his shirt weakly, pulling off his sweatpants and jumping into the bed as soon as she closed the light. (Y/N) giggled lightly, noticing how adorable he was being, and she pinched his cheeks before she could stop herself.

"Take off your clothes."

"I'm not going to take off my clothes," she laughed, pulling down her shorts and getting into the bed beside him. She finally laid her back against the mattress, letting out the biggest relief ever as she tried to get comfortable.

He pulled her close towards him, breathing into her scent. She smelled like cupcakes, and he loved it.

"I'm going to the children's home with you."

"What?" she pulled a face, because she wasn't sure if she had heard him right. There was no way Rafe Cameron would ever step his foot into a children's home, what more to give out dark purple cupcakes.

"I'm going to the children's home with you. To give them cupcakes."

(Y/N) smiled and kissed his cheeks. "Okay."

"And we should do this again."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Goodnight, Rafe," she laughed lightly, placing another peck before closing her eyes.

He placed a long kiss fully on her lips, feeling the butterflies soaring in his stomach. "Goodnight, (Y/N)."

-

taglist is close atm until i figure out wtf is up with tumblr :(

@okayshoto @joselyn001 @onceuponateenagetrash @dyingsleep @im19yearsold @iwannabeapogue @meaganjm @rafesobxs @flossy2929 @drewstarkeyluver @unfortunatekiwitrash @Mellifluouszayn @hhishho @hvrcruxes @scottybitch @asimpwriter @starxqt @amaya124 @Made212 @adriee16 @eggirl @tommy-tommo @thatshithurted8 @beyatch012 @fallincindy @marvelwhor3 @rafeswh0ree @kookap @supernaturallydc-blog @blank-velvet @alaniskauany @lumzs @kiiim8 @witchywrter @kaitlyn2907 @heyimflo @overcookedpastasause @tsukkiswifeey @spidey-d00d @anonymousobxfan @gotmeinloveagain @chicagoblackhawkslover96 @lexi-writes @Emmalvei_03 @classydragonthingknight @belongtoyou-u

[taestefully-in-luv]

The Island | KTH (Four)

Summary: You’re just two strangers waking up in a room on a lonely island where a company in the business of love has placed you. They believe that thanks to their in depth research you two are destined soulmates. What happens when your ‘soulmate’ and you want nothing to do with each other but falling in love is the only way to leave?

Pairing: Taehyung x Female reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, very slight enemies to lovers, soulmates au, roommate au, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, slight crack, and drama.

Word Count: 11k

Warnings: swearing, sexual tension (?) implied sex

Notes: this is not a reflection of Taehyung’s art! Just saying lol But anyway, hope you guys like this chapter. Tae and oc sure have a lot of moments huh. let me know if you want to be added to the taglist, or send an ask if just want to chat about the stories!:)

Taglist: @ggukkieland @707sblog @peacedreamer14 @dopedreamfireparty @everythingnamjoon @taebae19 @typicalgenzworld @mooniyooni @getmemyfries @helenazbmrskai @justinetingball @jpeachytaev

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Month 4

“What the fuck is that?” You point accusingly towards the paper Taehyung is excitedly holding up.

“What do you mean,” he grins. “It’s you!”

“…throw it away.”

“What?! No! I worked hard on this!”

“I look like a god damn frog.”

“In the painting or in real life becau—"

“THE PAINTING!” You leap towards Taehyung and reach for his atrocious artwork. Can he even call this disaster art? No offense, no actually, full offense but its ugly as hell. Taehyung lifts it high above his head.

“Listen, listen…don’t you think this hurts my feelings a little y/n? I worked hard on th—”

“I swear to God Taehyung…if you don’t burn this—"

“OKAY OKAY! No need to put out threats!” he pouts almost theatrically. You eye him up and down, waiting for him to make a move towards a trashcan but he just stands here.

“Well? Go throw it away.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Yeah, no.”

You close your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose, “What do you mean no?”

Taehyung narrows his eyes at you and laughs under his breath as he steps closer to you.

“First of all, you don’t tell me what to do. I prefer if it’s the other way around.” He smirks, “And second, I am still going to keep it. For the memories.”

You chew on your lips for a few moments, letting his words sink in. But for the memories?

“For the memories? Why would you want to remember any of this?”

Taehyung frowns at your words, he looks genuinely offended.

“I might not like our situation but…”

“But what?”

“Fuck, don’t make me say it.” He says while turning red. “You know, I still want to make good memories with like, you.” He admits softly.

You finally give in, gently reaching for the awful artwork. Don’t get it wrong, Taehyung’s art is usually so beautiful. He does landscapes and abstract pieces and they absolutely blow you away. But his portraits of people? Disgusting.

“Fine…” You smile down at the painting in your hands then look back at him, “But if I see this hung up anywhere I am burning it myself.” You smirk. “And I will take great pleasure in that.”

“Oooooh please tell me more about your pleasures.” Taehyung wiggles his brows at you.

“You’re the worst.” you smile, “Anyway, do we have a deal?” you stick out your hand for him to shake.

“Deal!” Taehyung cheeses, slapping your hand down and going in for a quick hug instead. You’re surprised to say the least, you kind of guessed Taehyung was the affectionate type but you didn’t expect to be on the receiving end of it. “I’ll be in my art room most the day. Movie night though?”

“Yes, movie night.” you oblige.

“Yay.” He chirps happily, skipping off to his art room down the hall. You can’t help but smile as he disappears from your sight.

But then your heart pinches in your chest. You want to feel happy. Are you just ungrateful? You should be happy. Taehyung is finally being himself around you and you finally feel like you aren’t as alone. But it’s all a façade technically…he’s got no one else, just like you have no one else. In the real world…if you two met would you become friends like this? Or is this all forced? Is your entire friendship fake? You feel your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach, you hate these thoughts.

He’s so different than you thought he would be…he’s lighthearted, he’s funny, he’s silly, he’s talented, he’s human. And don’t even get started on flirty Taehyung…You really thought he was some closed off asshole but as time goes on and he becomes more and more comfortable you see the real him, and you really enjoy it. And you hate that you enjoy it. What are you like? Are you still a brat? Does he still think that? You chuckle to yourself, he probably does. Has he grown so comfortable with you that he’s not as angry about being stuck here with you? No, you imagine he’s still really upset about this whole thing. He just doesn’t voice it to you as much anymore. Maybe he’s avoiding the subject. You can understand why. It’s awkward. This place wants to get you two together but neither of you are interested in the other romantically. You just don’t see it happening.

~~~~~

Taehyung is just relaxing in his room on the verge of a glorious nap, he is finally dozing off, eyes slowly closing when his head snaps up in reaction to a loud crash coming from downstairs. Now what the hell could that be? Panicked, he rushes to his feet. He flies down the stairs in record time trying to find the source of the loud bang. He stands in the living room, glancing around the area for any sign of you. Are you okay? Where are you? Shit. Frustrated, he runs his fingers through his hair and as calmly as possible calls out for you. But nothing. Fuck. Your name slips past his lips in growing panic.

He decides he is going to charge each room in search for you, when he reaches the door to his art studio. He can hear muffled words on the other side of the door.

“Shit. Damn. Fuck.”

He instantly roll his eyes to the back of his head, literally so far back all that’s seen is the white of his eyes.

“Such foul language for such a pretty mouth.” He whispers to himself, slowly creeping the door open, exposing a distracted and distraught you.

“Motherfucker!” you huff, your hands on your hips, eyeing the mess you made. God damn did you make a fucking mess. On the floor is a canvas, brushes scattered and a rainbow of colors splattered all around.

“What. Are. You. Doing.”

Your head whips in his direction, your face turning many shades of reds. He stands at the doorway making his presence known, looking at you expectantly, judgement in his eyes. At least he hopes you can see the judgement in his eyes. Because he is definitely judging like hella hard.

You continue to stand here, your blush deepening. He is too frustrated to find it anything but annoying. You begin to stutter out words he can’t make out. You are trying your best, that much is obvious. You’re trying to explain yourself but he can tell you’re only becoming more and more flustered at the situation. He is sure his annoyed expression doesn’t help your ability to speak. Whoops.

“I-I was…well, you said, well remember you said…” You try. You really try. He almost wants to laugh, but not quite.

“I-I said? I said what?” He keeps his stoic demeanor intact, just stressing you further. He’s almost having fun with this. Almost.

“Well, Taehyung…listen,” you try again. “You said,”

“I said?”

Your eyes scan the room as if there’s something here that will help you.

“Words y/n. I need you to use your words.” He demands, maybe having a little fun stressing you out. He sees your blush become such a deep shade of red that even he feels embarrassed.

Finally, you releases a long breath and words begin spilling out of your mouth.

“You said you wanted to keep that frog picture—“

“Your portrait, you mean.”

“Yes, yes whatever. Anyway, you wanted to keep it for the memories, right? You…you…you’re sentimental like that or whatever.” You pause to take a breath. “And and…”

He raises a brow at you, taking a few steps forward, mindful of the mess you made.

“And?”

You raise your head to look into his eyes. You’re staring so intensely that he wonders where you got this wave of confidence from. He stares back just as seriously. Your eyes are the same as usual, dark, plain, boring. For the most part.

“And…I decided that maybe, that maybe I want to…paint you…too?” you step forward. “You know, for the memories.” You tear your eyes away from him. But he sort of wishes you didn’t.

His brows pinch together at your little idea. You want to paint him ? He studies your face seeing if maybe there’s anything else. You look tense under his gaze, he admits that makes him feel kind of good. Is that mean? You look so incredibly shy, and it is so fucking...something, he doesn’t know what but it’s something. He continues to observe you and your shy expressions.

He looks down at you and breaks into his best shit eating grin, his hand reaches down to ruffle your hair.

“Yes!” he lightly chuckles, “Let’s make lots of memories!”

It looks like you’re in a daze, his reaction catching you off guard, he guesses. Taking a moment to collect yourself, you look up into his eyes again.

“Yeah, lots of ‘em.” your smile slowly begins to fade, “We won’t be here forever, so we have to leave with lots of memories.” you mutter.

Taehyung feels himself go soft at your words.

“y/n…” he slides his fingers down to cup the back of your head, fingers gently massaging your scalp. “When this is all over…we can still be in contact, you know?” Your eyes travel to the floor, eyeing the mess you made. He’s still getting over that.

“I know…but Taehyung, I still feel like I don’t even know basic things about you! Like what even is your favorite, uh, I don’t know, animal? I can’t tell you how long I have been wondering that and—”

“Then let’s have a whole night dedicated to that. Let’s drink some wine, paint some pictures and learn everything there is to know!” he moves his hand forward, his fingers playing at the ends of your hair, “Like, what shampoo did they give you because your hair is soft as fuck.”

You give him an unimpressed look,

“I know you steal my shampoo sometimes, I’m not dumb.”

“Don’t know what you are talking about.” He cheeses.

“But okay,” you grin at him, “Let’s do that.”

“I love Koalas and sloths!” You’re laid out on your stomach, swinging your legs above you while sipping on your red wine.

“You can’t choose two!”

“I just did.”

“Fine. Mine is…drum roll…its…” he pats the floor repeatedly.

“Oh come on! Tell me! I’ve been dying to know!”

“Its…lion!” he lays next to you, resting on his side. He eyes the painting you are working on. It’s supposed to be him…supposed to be.

“I like lions too.” You add more color to the background of the canvas. He can hear the smile in your voice.

“Sheesh…and you think I am bad at drawing people…”

“Stop being a hater!”

“ME?” he stares at you incredulously.

You and Taehyung are a few glasses of wine in already. He can tell its hitting you harder than its hitting him, you’re extra talkative and all giggly. He’s painted a picture of the beach while you’ve worked on a portrait of him, it’s amusing to say the least—the portrait. Pretty quickly glasses turned into bottles. Bottle number 3 has been opened and now he is also talkative and all giggly. He’s a giggly lil thang when he’s drunk, and he is drunk.

“Okay,” he sits up, sitting on his legs. “First impression of me, go!” he laughs, for literally no reason.

“I thought you kidnapped me.” You state plainly, “So like, a creepy person.”

His jaw drops.

“I’m offended!” He lays his hand over his heart. “You thought I was creepy?! And there I was thinking you were just some hot chick I hooked up!” Yes, he called you hot to your face. He is drunk, he is allowed to do that. Yeehaw.

“Okay to be fair, that thought crossed my mind too.”

“That I was some hot chick you hooked up with?”

“I never said hot.”

“But you were thinking it, right right?” he wiggles his eyebrows in the most exaggerated way.

You smirk before chugging back the rest of your wine, reaching for a new bottle.

“Okay, maybe I thought it.” You admit, your sly smile growing.

“Want me to open it?” he gestures towards the wine bottle.

“Please.”

He reaches for the bottle of wine, his hands brushing against yours. He hates that he feels a quiet fire in his insides when he touches you. He hates how when his skin makes contact with your skin there is an automatic heat that lights up and warms him, burns him almost.

“Do you have someone? That you like?” You slur out, curious about Taehyung’s love life.

“…Yes.” Taehyung admits softly.

“I am what they call a ‘Dilf’” Jin states confidently. The rest of the boys share a look of confusion.

“You literally aren’t a dad?” Jimin looks at Jin with a puzzled smile.

“But you can’t tell me I am not a ‘dilf’ though.”

“Okay Jin, you’re a dilf.” Namjoon rolls his eyes, going back to his book.

“I wanna be a dilf too.” Jungkook whines and Taehyung nods his head in agreement. Jin shakes his fingers at the boys and speaks up.

“You have to earn the title.”

“Yeah, by being a dad.” Jimin deadpans.

“Let the man have his dreams.” Yoongi says before putting his ear bud back in his ear and nodding along to whatever song is playing.

“My dream is to finish this assignment.” Hobi groans into his pile of papers on the table.

“This is your fault for going back to school for your masters!” Taehyung teases. He has just recently dropped out of school and he is loving it. He watches as his friend works night after night on paper after paper and Taehyung no longer has to worry about things like that. He can just focus on the music.

“Are you guys using this chair?” Taehyung hears a sweet voice cut off all their chatter. He looks up to see this gorgeous girl with light brown hair that reaches her waist and eyes as bright as the sun.

“Uh, no.” Taehyung clears his throat, “You can take it.”

“Thanks.” She smiles at Taehyung and then at the rest of the boys before she’s dragging the chair to the table next to them.

“Holy shit.” Taehyung whispers to Jungkook, “She’s so pretty.”

“That’s Hana.” Jungkook looks over his shoulder at Hana and her friends. “I have a class with her.”

“Bro, introduce me!” Taehyung begs. “You literally owe me.”

“From what?!”

“I let you fuck that one chick like 2 years ago even though I saw her first.”

“Oh? You let me? Really?” Jungkook rolls his eyes. “But anyway, sure. I’ll introduce you.” He says nonchalantly, picking up his drinking and taking a sip.

“Taehyung?” you wave your hand in front of his blank face. “Taehyung?” “Huh? Yeah?” he starts snapping out of his memories, “what’s up? What did you say?”

“I asked her name.” you smile awkwardly, “The girl you like.”

“Hana.” He quietly clears his throat, “What about you? Do you have someone?”

“After my ex? I am staying away from men for a while.” You laugh, “Like, can you blame me?”

Taehyung can’t help by frown at your words.

“Don’t close yourself off…” Taehyung whispers to you. “You’re too pretty for that.” He slurs out and you blink at him repeatedly.

“I’m pretty?”

Taehyung scoffs and rolls his eyes playfully.

“Like you didn’t know.”

Hours pass you two by, more wine has been drank and you two are giggling like school children. Taehyung is folded over, laughing a storm as you do your best impression of a dolphin. You can’t help but fall over and laugh your head off as well, the alcohol obviously has made you two crazy.

Taehyung finally calms down and looks at you with soft eyes, “So, what’s your biggest fear?” he asks, leaning forward.

“No!” you laugh. Fucking laugh. “Listen, we can go back to our serious convos another day…right now I wanna…” you slur your last words, “wanna talk about fun stuff.” you give him the most sleazy wink he’s ever seen. It kind of works for him though.

“Okay.” He agrees easily, “Tell me the story about how you lost your virginity? Don’t leave anything out”

Your eyebrows shoot up, “Wanna know the dirty details huh?” you part your lips and smile.

“Dirty? I bet it was as vanilla as vanilla gets.”

You frown at his words, “I’m not vanilla. I’m fun, I swear.” you pout.

“I didn’t mean it as boring babe. I just mean you probably lost it to like your high school sweetheart, your first love, blah blah blah. The romantic shit.” You exhale a short breath…babe? You like the new friendly nickname, you admit.

“Actually it’s the opposite.”

“The opposite?”

“First year of college. Random guy from a bar. Total one night stand type of situation. I didn’t even tell him it was my first time. I think he probably just thought I was really inexperienced. “ You laugh to yourself. Sounds like a situation you might regret but there is no bitterness in your tone.

“Oh wow. y/n the cry baby can do one night stands?” he teases.

“I’m full of surprises you know.” The glint in your eye tells him he’s going to find out eventually.

“Well then what are the dirty details?” he pries further, leaning into your space again.

“Hmm, don’t think I am drunk enough for that.”

“Oh, I can grab another bottle of wine.” He teases, “But fine.”

“About your comment about me being vanilla…” you begin but Taehyung is cutting you off with the shake of his head.

“I didn’t mean it bad—”

“Are you into vanilla sex?”

Taehyung’s eyebrows crawl to the top of his forehead and his mouth falls open.

“Why are you asking that?” he breathes out, his eyes darkening.

“They paired us together, you know? We probably have more in common than you think…my guess that means sex too.”

“I know we have that in common.” He smirks, “I’m guessing you never looked in the other room?” he quirks a brow at you. “You might find it interesting.”

“The other room?” you tilt your head to the side, “Oh? The one upstairs next to your bathroom? Yeah, I stuck my head in there once…I saw it’s just another bedroom.”

“Is it really just another bedroom though? You didn’t have a look around?” his sly smile grows on his stupidly handsome face. “Like I said…you might find it interesting.”

“What are you talking about?” you slur, “Why would I…?”

Taehyung rises to his feet, walks towards you and leans down until he’s softly gripping your arm and pulling you up.

“Let’s go explore.” He chuckles, “I want you to see the room.” He’s guiding you out the art room, you two stumbling through the door.

You both begin to make your way upstairs, his hand never leaving your arm as you two walk. You keep bumping into him and he only laughs, squeezing your arm every few moments. You guys walk through the hall until you’re standing outside the bedrooms door.

“Go on.” He looks at you with a smirk, “I want you to explore this bedroom.”

“You’re being weird.” You giggle, opening the door.

And just like you thought, it’s just a bedroom. There’s a large bed in the middle of the room against the wall, and a couple of dressers, a closet, a huge ass mirror and other normal bedroom things.

“And?” You glance at Taehyung.

He looks at you with an amused smile. “Explore.” He commands.

You give him a weird look before walking through the room, your hand slides against the dresser that holds the extra large mirror. You catch your reflection and smile at how drunk you look. Taehyung walks behind you and eyes both of your reflections, he steps close to you and chuckles.

“I like this mirror.” He whispers. “Great view of the bed.”

“Uh yeah?” you look at him through the mirror, “I guess so.”

“Explore the drawers.” His evil grin makes you nervous…you look down at the drawers and open the first one on the left, there’s multiple things inside but you can’t tell what they are. You stick your hand inside and grab the first thing it can find. You pull this object out and bring it closer to your face, your drunken vision making it hard to identify what it is. Then your eyes are expanding and you drop the object in the drawer, the loud thud making you jump.

“What was that?” Taehyung whispers, “Something you know right?”

A dildo. Your eyes scan the rest of the drawer only to see more, along with other toys. You quickly slam the drawer shut and turn around to face Taehyung, who is standing so close behind you.

“What the hell?” you stutter out, turning red.

“That’s not all. Check the closet.” He says quietly, pointing towards the closet. And you listen, you walk forward until you’re standing beside the sliding door. You open it and see various articles of clothing.

Lingerie and outfits. Maid, nurse, etc. You stare at the clothes in disbelief.

“What is all this?” you turn to face Taehyung.

“You tell me.” He says chuckling, “Seems like we like the same stuff.” He shrugs. “Maybe you can,” he walks closer and is touching the maid lingerie, “wear this next you’re cleaning the house.”

He’s teasing you. Your stomach twists and turns, your heart is jumping out of your chest and you feel so fucking warm.

“S-Shut up.” You lean back on the door.

“Oh baby, I think you and I both know who tells who what to do here.” He breathes out, not looking at you as he still plays with the material of more lingerie.

“Taehyung,” you sigh, “The cameras can’t hear you in here.”

“Ah,” he turns to face you, “Right. Should we head back downstairs?”

“Yes.” You slur out, feeling quite dizzy.

Month 5

It’s the bright white screen you know all too well…it has you releasing a shaky breath as you wait for the black letters to eventually appear.

“Hey Taehyung…” you call out for you roommate who is making something to eat in the kitchen. “I think we have an incoming message from our,” You pause, huffing out. “Our little friends.”

“Oh. Oh shit.” You hear Taehyung whine from behind you. “I thought they were finally starting to back off…” he sighs out. “Let’s see what these fuckers want.”

Request:

Skinny dip for 1 hour. Must be within a foot of one another.

Ex-excuse you? Ex-fucking-cuse you? Skinny who what for when what? Your eyes bulge out of your head. This has got to be some sort of joke.

“Hell no!” you yell out, not even sparing Taehyung a glance.

Voice full of panic, Taehyung is quick to bring up the alternative.

“The penalty!” he rushes. “What’s the penalty? We will just do the penalty!”

Penalty:

No power or running water for 3 days.

“No pow—what the fuck?” Taehyung shakes his head, disbelief written all over his face.

“Wait! And no running water? Like, we can’t flush the toilet for 3 days? That’s bullshit!” you drag your hands down your face, “And wont the stuff in our fridge go bad?”

Several long moments pass between you two and not in a cool way. There’s nothing cool about this shit. There’s tension filling the air around you both. Awkward tension.

“Isn’t this too much?” Taehyung finally says, obviously not able to tolerate the silence any longer.

You both exchange worried glances with one another before Taehyung says some shit you don’t like.

“Let’s just do the request.”

Your eyes basically pop out of your head.

“Are you out of your mind—do the requests? How could you say that so easily!” you mumble, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“I feel like it’s the best choice.” He gives his honest answer. “Plus, you’ve never seen a naked man before? We will get over it y/n. Knowing me and you, we will be laughing about it in a couple days.” He finally turns to face you, throwing a wink your way, “You know it’s true.”

You mull over your options and hate that he’s right. You very timidly respond with a quiet ‘okay’ and avoid his eyes. His dark, intimidating eyes.

Your heart is racing, No, that is an understatement; your heart is on the verge of explosion. Your nerves are scattered and pounding from the inside out. You are freaking out. Naked with Taehyung? And he seems cool as a fucking cucumber.

“Let’s meet outside once it’s completely dark out.” You suggest.

“Read my mind.”

“…Of course I did, we’re” you roll your eyes. “Soulmates.” you laugh bitterly to yourself, “anyway, I’ll just see you tonight.”

“So you’re just going to avoid me until tonight?” Taehyung asks, “It’s not like they’re asking us to fuck.” He sways on his feet, “Just keep your eyes on my eyes and we will be fine.”

“Right.” You choke out, “Because it’s that easy.”

“Are you saying it’s impossible not to check me out?” he teases and you feel your cheeks heat up.

“Shut up.”

“Brat.”

Night fall approaches sooner rather than later. You wish it would have taken a million years to appear but nope, here you are. You stand outside with Taehyung in front of you. You’re in an oversized t shirt and loose shorts, keeping it simple since they’re coming off anyway. Taehyung wears his usual sweats and a white tee. You two are standing next to the pool, knowing the time has finally come. After leaving Taehyung earlier this afternoon, you took a much needed nap to clear your head.

“Don’t let your eyes linger.” You mumble, nodding your head in his direction.

“Ha, I was going to say the same thing to you.” He pokes his tongue out. Taehyung looks fucking comfortable as fucking always. Like, this doesn’t bother him in the least.

Luckily, the tension is tolerable. So you decide to make the first move. You begin unbuttoning your shorts—

“Woah! Woah! Woah! Wait!” he yells. His arms flailing, trying to stop you.

You scrunch your nose in annoyance, “What?” you ask, not too pleased since you are just trying to get this over with. If you got told 5 months ago that you would be in a hurry to get naked in front of this guy you would ugly laugh. Yet here you are.

“It’s just-it’s just…we should go at the same time.” Taehyung rushes to say.

“Oh, okay. Pants first, let’s go—”

“No! that’s awkward.” He shakes his head, “shirt first.”

“Okay, okay.” You oblige, “weirdo” You whisper loud enough that he can hear you.

The two of you begin with your tops, you try to focus your eyes elsewhere but they naturally skim the skin of his chest and abdomen as his shirt comes off quickly. Taehyung doesn’t even try to look away as you undress, his dark, intimidating stare causing you to feel chills. You slip off your pink t shirt, exposing your bare torso that is laced with a pretty black bralette. His gaze doesn’t waver.

“Okay, next is our bottoms right?” You gulp. He only nods.

You continue the job on unbuttoning your shorts, letting them fall to your feet exposing your matching black panties. Yes, you wore a sexy matching set on purpose. If he’s going to see you like this why wouldn’t you want to look good? You would do that for anybody. You can feel him eyeing you as he slips off his sweats, leaving him in nothing but a pair of blue briefs.

Finally, you are left in nothing but your underwear. You eye him over, his body is so fucking nice it makes you feel bad for even standing next to him. His briefs are a light blue, leaving little to the imagination. You can literally see the outline of his—you know what. Is he sporting a semi, right now? You do an up and down of your own body when you realize you have more clothes than him!

“Hey this is unfair!” You whisper, covering your chest with your arm. “I have to strip my bra off and you what, just get to watch?”

“Oh? So I am allowed to watch?” he responds playfully. It’s that same teasing tone you’re still trying to get used to.

“Well, you’re obviously going to see…” You grumble, lowering your arm. “Welp, here goes.”

Taehyung swallows rather hard, his eyes trailing your body pretty shamelessly. You reach in front of you, unhooking the bralette and letting the straps fall off your shoulders before letting the whole thing fall to the ground.

“Uh, okay.” Taehyung clears his throat. “Now our underwear.”

“Right.” You say while reaching for the band of your panties, pulling it back a bit and letting it go, the material slapping against your hips. You swear you see his dick move at that.

“Okay.” Taehyung’s breathing is heavier than before, “On 3? 1…2..”

“3!” you shout in unison.

You both begin stripping away your last piece of clothing. You’re the first to be fully undressed. You let your panties drag down leg by leg until they join the pile of clothes at your feet. It’s not that you’re trying to do this in a sexy manner, but if it comes across sexy—then so be it. Taehyung pauses mid action, his eyes scanning your body again. God, you are starting to get really nervous again. His gaze absolutely thrills you, you can admit that. You’d live a life of torture to have him stare at you like this all the time. You see him lick his lips then shake his head. You didn’t just imagine that right?

“Hurry up.” You plead.

Taehyung finally drags off his briefs. By the looks of it he looks mostly hard, as his cock springs free. Holy Fuck. Your last ex—Ben—was not this…blessed. Taehyung has every right to be as cocky as he wants, he’s earned it. His dick is long in length but he also seems to have girth. How is one man blessed this much? You would have to have your hand wrapped around it—or your lips—to really know how thick he is. Jesus fucking Christ, what are you saying? You think your best excuse is that you are dick deprived. Also…how long have you been staring? You will say long enough by the look Taehyung is giving you. It’s that shit eating grin that just screams he is one cocky bastard.

“Okay,” you clear your throat, forcing yourself to look into Taehyung’s eyes. “Let’s get in the pool.”

“You got the timer?” Taehyung chuckles.

“It’s laying on the ledge.” you point at it, walking closer to the pool. “Ready?” you look up at him, waiting for his response.

“You look beautiful by the way.” He says out of nowhere. “I mean, as always.” He winks.

You blush pretty fucking hard at that, you can feel all the heat rush to your cheeks, lighting you on fire.

“Are you-are you ready or what?” you grumble.

“Always.” He grins, reaching for you hand. “Let’s go.”

You two tip toe into the water, pausing every few seconds to get use to the temperature of the water. You stop once the water reaches your collarbones, you walk towards the wall, lean against it and face forward. You turn the timer on and you both exchange a few words but you remain mostly quiet, You don’t think either of you know what to say. Every minute that passes (about 15 to be exact) has your nerves spiking.

You hear Taehyung sigh deeply as he inches closer towards you. Now why would he do that? He inches so close that your shoulders are touching, he sinks a little further into the water and then surprising you, he rests his head on your shoulder. What the fuck is he doing?

“We can have a foot of space between us.” You remind him awkwardly.

Taehyung remains quiet, you only hear his soft breaths.

“Taehyung?”

“You know how hard it is going to be to get the image of you naked out of my head?” He whispers with a chuckle.

“Don’t start using me as masturbation material.” You joke, your eyes looking out at the water. It’s calm and bright from the lights inside the pool.

“Start? You think you haven’t entered my mind before?” he jokes back. At least you think he’s joking.

“Stop playing.” You laugh awkwardly.

Taehyung is quiet again and you can feel the tension that always visits you two starting to build.

“Do you…have you…have you thought about me before?” you manage to slip out, surprising yourself.

“You’re asking if I’ve—”

“If you’ve thought about me when you have ‘alone’ time’ ya know?”

“Do you think I haven’t?” he lifts his head and stares at you. “y/n…I’m a guy. And you’re kind of the only person I see.”

Oh. It’s not like I see anyone else. His last words repeat in your mind. Of course, that makes sense. He’s stuck with you, of course you’ve entered his mind, probably against his will or whatever.

“I see.” You say softly. You step to the side, getting further from him and he frowns.

You two stand here, barely speaking. Maybe another 20-30 minutes pass when Taehyung dramatically huffs out.

“Listen y/n…about earlier.” Right earlier. When you made a fucking fool of yourself. Asking your friend is he has ever jacked off to you before! Before he can continue you slap a finger over his pouting lips, shushing him.

“Do you really think now is the time?”

“We have time to kill—”

“—okay! So let’s talk about something else!” you happily offer.

But you guess Taehyung isn’t having it, he steps closer and rests his head on your shoulder again, his breathing picking up. Why is he breathing so hard?

“Just hear me out, okay?”

You only stare ahead, exhaling deeply. What to do…maybe there’s no harm in hearing him out, right? Oh wait there is harm! The feeling of fucking rejection. Why does it feel like rejection? You don’t know. Why the fuck you care? You don’t know that either. But he’s fucking sulking, like a baby. You thought you were the baby here? You guess he needs to have a turn every now and then…

“fine.”

“You probably,” he sinks in the water just a little deeper, “hate me, right?” you don’t hate him…”Me, your friend, has had dirty thoughts about you, yada yada,” he closes his eyes.

“ wait what—” This is because he has had dirty thoughts about you?

“So about what I said…I’m sorry…”

“Taehyung it’s fine,” you rush to say in embarrassment, “I don’t know why I asked! Seriously, it was stupid. I crossed a li—”

“Wait why did you ask?” That’s when you freeze. Yeah why did you ask?

“Uh…”

“Why?” he stands up straighter, his head tilted towards you.

“I was just curious Taehyung.” you defend. “It’s not that deep.”

“Curious? About me?” he raises he brow, he pauses while thinking over his words. “Like, sexually?” he finishes, caution in his voice.

Fuck. What did you get yourself into?

“Taehyung…I already said it was stupid. Plus,” you decide to be bold again, “Hearing it was only because I’m the only one here or whatever didn’t do great things for my ego.”

“Wait—” you hear him stifle a chuckle. “That’s what you’re mad about?”

“Well…” you drag out the word with a pout. You don’t mean to be such a baby yet here you are.

“Wow! I thought you were mad because I’ve thought about you impurely, not because it wasn’t a good enough reason why…wow.” He laughs! He’s basically laughing at you!

“Well?”

“Oh my God, y/n. You’re joking right? I can’t just say I have the hots for my friend now can I? That’ll just—”

“Do you?” your voice is much smaller and quieter than you anticipated, like it barely escaped. Taehyung stays quiet for a second too long that it makes you ten times as nervous.

“Are you…” Taehyung looks at you with a look on his face you can’t quite place, “I’m naked in a pool with you right now and I am going crazy. Absolutely crazy.” Taehyung sighs out heavily, a frown taking over his face. “You’re ability to be so naïve just…baffles me.” He admits, defeated.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re a beautiful girl y/n. Of course my mind has wandered. It doesn’t mean I—fuck. It doesn’t mean anything deep or anything like that. But yes, being with you and your fanfuckingtastic tits is giving me some trouble.” He says darkly. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed you checking me out either.” He smirks. “We are human.” He finishes.

A long, deafening silence accompanies you both. Its sitting in the water between your bodies. Just lingering, waiting for one of you to break it in half and drown it in this very pool. But no, it remains. And that person won’t be you. But several minutes have passed by and he is still fucking quiet. Maybe you should be the one to say something? You’re about to you swear , but you hear Taehyung grumble something under his breath.

“What’s that?” you say.

“I said, it’s only fair if I ask too.” Ask what? Oh. Wait. That?

“Ask what?” you ask, pretending you don’t know.

“You know what.”

“Nope.” you say, popping the ‘p’.

“y/n.” “I’m not answering that.”

“Come on.” He leans his face towards your neck, his breaths hitting your wet skin. “It’s only fair.”

“Okay.”

“Okay what?” he pushes on. “Come on y/n, have you thought about me when you get yourself off or not?” he asks, his voice really low. How does he get his voice so deep? Fuck, it sends a shiver down your spine.

“Maybe once or twice I have thought about you too.” You admit, feeling a rush of adrenaline as the words leave your mouth.

“Once or twice?” he repeats lowly, “What did you think about?” his words crawl on the side of your neck as they leave his mouth.

“I’m not answering that.”

“I want you to tell me.” He sounds so breathless while being so demanding.

“Nope.”

“You’re no fun.” He chuckles. “Aren’t you curious about what I think about?”

“Not really.” You lie. “Don’t worry about my imagination. It’s the only action I’m getting anyway.” You laugh.

“When’s the last time you had sex y/n? Please tell me it wasn’t with your ex…”

“Yeah it was.” You admit and Taehyung pushes his head back, not liking you admission.

“Why haven’t you?” he asks.

“I felt so betrayed Taehyung…it’s sort of hard to trust anyone after that.” You sigh, “He hurt me bad. I’m…”

“You’re what?”

“I just don’t feel comfortable.” You say softly, “I don’t think I will for a while.”

“I see…I’m so sorry. I wish that didn’t happen to you.”

“It’s in the past now.”

Ben holds you close as he comes, his hands leaving behind their marks on your body from how tightly he holds you.

“Fuck yes.” He groans, “Did you come?” he asks quickly, breathing hard into your neck.

“It’s okay.” You sigh out, “As long as you feel good.”

“I felt amazing honey.” He kisses the side of your neck over and over. “Shit, we gotta get going. We’ll be late for work.”

“Do we really have to take separate cars?” you whine.

“Just for now babe.” He promises, lifting himself off your body, leaving your pussy aching for more.

“Okay…”

~

“He look so handsome today as usual…” you hear Layla talking to some of the other girls. “I’m telling you…he’s going to ask me out. He’s been eyeing me lately and complimenting me.” She gushes, catching your interest.

“Who?” you ask, setting your belongings down on your desk.

Layla turns to face you, waves her hand and smiles.

“Ben.”

Ben? Like your Ben? Her boss Ben?

“Ben who?” you blink at her and the other girls laugh.

“Obviously the only Ben we know!” Layla giggles and you feel your chest tighten.

“You think he’s going to ask you out?”

“Yes girl! He comes to my desk a few times day, calls me gorgeous, so on and so forth.” Layla says quietly so only you girls can hear. You feel your heart drop.

“I don’t think so.” You speak up. “Ben wouldn’t. He’s already seeing someone.”

“Oh really? Who?” Layla scrunches her brows together, “Because—”

“Me.” You blurt. “He and I are…”

The other girls stop their giggling and look at you with shocked eyes.

“There’s no way.” One of them says.

“y/n, are you serious?” Layla blushes, feeling a little embarrassed now.

“Yes, for months now.” you admit. “But we weren’t telling anyone…yet.”

“Wow! I can’t believe this!” another girl says, her hand coming to her mouth.

You then in a hush hush voice tell the group of girls yours and Bens story. You tell them how he pursued you, you finally agreed and how you two have been dating for over 6 months. They gush and gasp and giggle. It feels good to finally tell people, you think.

But unfortunately for you, it wasn’t good at all.

“y/n?” Taehyung knocks you out of your daze. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” You sigh, feeling weak. “I’m okay.”

Taehyung looks at you with pity, his eyes full of it. He stands tall and floats until he’s standing in front of you.

“I’m going to hug you.” He states calmly, “I really need to hug you.”

“Taehyung…” you step back until your back hits the ledge. “Now isn’t really appropriate.”

“I don’t care. I’ve already seen you naked.” He says nonchalantly. “C’mere.” He opens his arms wide for you and you shake your head.

“I said, c’mere.” He inches closer and closer. “Or I’m coming to you.”

“Taehyung.” You whine, but you let him get closer to you.

His wet arms reach out for you, he’s gripping your shoulders first before his hands easily slide down your arms until they’re under water holding on to your waist.

“C’mere.” He repeats. And you slowly inch closer towards him, your arms hesitantly circling around his middle. And then he’s pulling you in to his chest…he sighs when he feels your budding nipples graze his skin, he sighs when he feels the fullness of your breasts being pushed into him, he sighs when he feels you.

You release a long breath as you hug him, maybe you needed this. This type of human contact. You pull back and look up into Taehyung’s dark eyes, he’s already gazing at you.

“Thanks.” You mumble.

“I think of you because you’re cool. And really pretty.”

“Huh?” Why is Taehyung suddenly complimenting you?

“When I’m—you know. I think of you because you’re cool and really pretty. I could think of anyone ya know? That’s how an imagination works. But I still think about you.”

You’re sure your face is a dark crimson, with how hard you are blushing. How are you supposed to take this new information?

“W-Well,” You find it hard to look into his eyes. “I guess, same.”

“Because I’m pretty?” his tone is lighter all the sudden, you roll your eyes.

“What do you think? Timer should be going on any minute now.” Taehyung throws a glance over his shoulder towards the timer.

“Hmm…” You turn, reaching for the timer, your wet hands getting ahold of it. “Less than 5 minutes.” You read it.

“Oh.” He sings, “If you have a secret, share it now!” Taehyung chuckles into the water, his lips creating bubbles on the surface.

“You want to know even more about me?” You stand a little taller, the water reaching the tops of your breasts. You see Taehyung’s eyes linger for a second before meeting your eyes again. “If you wanna know anything, just ask.” You reach your arms over your head, releasing a yawn.

“Okay…” He places his fingers on his chin, “It’s about me though.” He stops, his fingers dragging down his neck. “Ah, never mind.”

“What?”

“No, it’s weird.”

“Aren’t we passed weird?” you giggle.

“No, it’s really weird.” He sighs out, sinking down into the water until his head is fully under.

You watch as he rises back up, the water cascading down his golden skin, the water from his hair dripping onto his shoulders.

A few moments pass, Taehyung stands here thinking to himself while you just shamelessly watch. You watch as he chews on the inside of his cheek, his eyes upward, scanning the stars. He hums some tune to himself, deep in thought. Honestly, you love when he does this. He looks so…good. Not in a sexual way, you swear. He just looks so him. So Taehyung. He goes from chewing on his cheek to his bottom lip, his teeth digging into the plump flesh. You gulp, God he has no idea how good he looks like this.

“Well?” You ask impatiently. Trying to wave away any more of those thoughts you were just having.

Taehyung releases his bottom lip from his teeth as his lips form into a pout, his eyes closing.

“I’m thinking…”

“Less thinking, more asking.” You feel way too curious about whatever it is he wants to say. And the minutes are passing you by.

Taehyung opens one eye to look at you, he exhales, and faces you.

“Does it sound like I’m in love with Hana?” he says quietly.

“W-What? You’ve only really brought her up once…”

“But when I talked about her did it seem like I have deep feelings for her?”

“She thinks I only like the idea of her” Taehyung mumbles to Jimin and Namjoon. “She doesn’t think I like her as much as I say? Which is so stupid!”

“Isn’t she right though?” Jimin asks with a frown, “You only ever talk about how pretty she is…”

“Jimin means you don’t really have that much in common with her, do you?” Namjoon questions softly. “You don’t…you don’t seem as into as you have been in the past. Are you sure you actually like her?”

Taehyung stares at his friends in disbelief, not believing his ears for one second.

“What are you guys talking about? I fucking like her.” He grits out.

“Are you sure you aren’t just lonely—”

“I don’t want to hear this.” Taehyung stands up from the couch, “I’m going to go see her.”

~

Taehyung makes it to Hana’s apartment but her roommate answers the door and frowns when she sees Taehyung,

“Yes?”

“Uh, I’m here to see Hana.” He gestures inside the apartment.

“Right…” the roommate stands off to the side and lets Taehyung in. “She’s in her room.”

Taehyung walks through the apartment and down the hall until he’s knocking on Hana’s door. She opens it quickly, hugging him and pulling him inside.

“Hey you.” She smiles at Taehyung and he smiles back with his teeth.

“Hi.”

“What brings you here?”

“Just came to hang out, maybe watch a movie?” Taehyung sways from side to side, trying to not make this awkward.

“Sure, you can choose the movie.” She goes to her desk, grabs her lap top and gestures towards her bed. “We can watch in my bed.” She says shyly.

“G-Good idea.”

~

“So how did you like it?” Taehyung asks excitedly. ‘Castaway on the Moon’ just finished and he is so happy he got to show her his favorite movie.

“Honestly?” she chuckles awkwardly, “I didn’t really like it.” She admits. “it was weird.”

“It’s not weird! It’s amazing,” he pouts and she giggles.

He does feel really disappointed that she doesn’t like his favorite movie…is that a red flag? No, he’s just being dramatic, he thinks.

“Next time I’ll choose the movie.” Hana cuddles closer to Taehyung. “Okay?”

“Sure.”

“Taehyung…” you begin, “Where is this coming from?”

“She doesn’t think—my friends too—don’t think we have a lot of chemistry. That I’m forcing myself to like her, but that’s not true! But sometimes I feel confused. And I thought I could get an outside opinion.” He admits, “But this was stupid you don’t have to answer.”

You can tell him you believe in his feelings or you can tell him you don’t think he’s even talked about her enough that you take his feelings seriously. But will that hurt him?

“I—”

Beep beep beep beep beep beep.

The fire place is turned on, creating a safe and cozy atmosphere. The gas lit flames burn a hole in the tension that fills the room. What sort of tension? Not sure.

Taehyung and you are sat comfortably on the sofa, sitting with crossed legs facing one another, your knees just barely touching. A bowl of popcorn rests between you and blankets wrapped around your bodies. Separate blankets, of course.

Taehyung and you have decided to move the party inside (with clothes: on) and continue talking.

The ringing of the timer didn’t completely ruin your conversation only delaying it.

“And I don’t know,” he takes a handful of popcorn and stuffs it in his mouth. “I think we would make a cute couple.”

“Yeah but like I asked, what sorts of things do you two talk about? Not if you guys are a cute couple.”

“We talk.” He states.

“Okay…about?”

“Stuff.”

“You aren’t helping your case.” You sigh out, biting your lip. “I want to believe in your feelings Taehyung but…”

“I know.” He cuts you off, “I know.”

“So why are you forcing it?” you reach for some popcorn yourself, “Why do you want to like her so bad?”

“I don’t know….” He admits softly, “I really don’t know.”

“You’re unsure of your feelings.” You say bluntly. “That’s what it seems like.”

“Maybe I am.” He wraps the blanket around his shoulders tighter. “I’m like you…I don’t know what love is.”

“And just like me, you’ll find it someday.” You promise him with a sweet smile. “Right?”

“You will for sure.” He breathes out, “I think I’m a ….”

“A?”

“God, I don’t even want to say it.” He throws his head in his hands. “But I think I am a hopeless romantic.”

“I just want some cute love story with a cute girl. And Hana is perfect.”

“But does she thrill you? Challenge you? Make you laugh?”

“She’s…” fuck, he doesn’t even know. Does he even know Hana that well?

“Hey y/n…” Taehyung looks up at you, his eyes finding yours and you shrink in your spot.

“Yes?”

“Can we watch my favorite movie? I’m curious what you might think about it.” He gazes at you and you nod your head slowly.

“Sure Taehyung.”

“Also, you can call me Tae.”

~

“Holy fuck.” You sob into your hands. “The fucking noodles.”

Taehyung looks over at you with a soft smile as he has his own tears falling down his face.

“I know right?”

“He finally felt like he had purpose Tae,” you look at him with a pathetic scrunched up face, tears still leaving your eyes.

“EXACTLY!” Taehyung wails, “EXACTLY!”

“This movie was amazing, and how everything turned out...wow…and how she…and he…my goodness. I’m still crying.”

“I told you!! I am so glad you enjoyed it.” He moves closer to you on the sofa without thinking.

“Only lame people wouldn’t like this movie!” you basically yell out and Taehyung scoots even closer, his shoulder bumping yours. But you barely notice, still too invested in the movie.

“Yeah.” He agrees with a smile. “You really must be my soulmate.” He jokes with an awkward smile. “No one else really likes this movie.”

“Ha-Ha.” You roll your eyes, “But anyway, that’s crazy since it was so good.”

“Stop praising it or I’ll have to marry you.” He jokes again and you start turning a rosy pink.

“Stop.” You whine, swatting his shoulder.

“Let’s call it a night, yeah?”

You and Taehyung clean up the kitchen and living room and head upstairs for the night, he walks you to your bedroom door and lingers.

“Tonight was crazy. I saw you naked.” He brings up the request and you go redder than red.

“We can literally never talk about it again…”

“Am I allowed to think about it at least?” he winks, his voice low and making you feel tense.

“Goodnight Taehyung.”

~~~~~~~~

Month 6

Today is one of those days…Taehyung is in a bad mood and you’re being a brat. He hates how much you’ve been teasing him today…he is sorting through his feelings for Hana but you insist on walking around with small shorts and low cut tank tops, claiming it’s ‘hot’. He finally has you cornered though, he’s finally had enough. He’s got you pushed up against a wall, his face so close that your breaths mingle with one another.

“You’re really pushing me today…” Taehyung leans closer, his warm breath fanning over your face. “Today’s not the day y/n.” he warns.

“How am I pushing you? I’m literally not doing anything.” You jut your bottom lip out and look to the side.

“You’re being…such a fucking tease.” He decides to say, “Which is giving me a real headache.” He leans down, his arms on either side of your body.

“So I give you a headache?” Your eyes look up into his and you smirk. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“You are real annoying, you know that?” he can’t help but chuckle, but then he’s exhaling a deep breath and rolling his eyes. “Ask for forgiveness.”

“Ask for forgiveness?” you scoff. “Seriously? And what am I asking forgiveness for?”

“You’re lucky I’m not telling you to beg.”

“Beg?” you scoff again. “Who do you think you—”

“y/n.” his dark eyes gaze into yours. His hand slides down the wall and then it’s at your waist. He pulls you in and leans his head down closer to your face, you feel the lump in your throat grow as you ty to swallow it down.

“Y-Yes?”

“Ask for forgiveness.” He tells you again, this time much more softly.

“And if I don’t?” You stare up at him and he chuckles.

“Do you really want to find out?” his gaze doesn’t waver as he looks at you…the way he stares at you makes you feel bare in front of him, like he’s stripping you of your clothes, of your skin, everything.

“And if I do?” you whisper. “What happens if I do?”

Taehyung narrows his eyes at you as he licks his lips repeatedly…you’re really testing him aren’t you? He can’t tell if you’re toying with him because of the cameras or if it’s because you’re a brat.

“y/n.” he says your name like the sound of a slow breath. It feels intimate, the way he calls out for you. You can’t help but gulp as you blink up at him.

“Y-Yes?”

“You want to beg, don’t you?” he smirks, he pokes his tongue out as he eyes you. You can see the amusement in his eyes. “You want to…” the words are dying on his tongue because what can he say? Everything he wants to say would probably be deemed as inappropriate.

“I want to what?” you tilt your head up, your eyes scanning the entirety of his face and he leans further into your space.

“Just do as I say, tell me you’re sorry and we can move on.”

“Do as you say?” you lean back until your head is lightly hitting the wall, “You think I would really listen to you?”

“Such a brat.” His hand doesn’t let go of your waist as he leans back as well. “Why do I deal with this? And yes,” he rolls his head back. “I think you would very much enjoy listening to me.” He pauses and bites his lip. “If this company really thinks we’re a match made in heaven then I am sure you can assume what I mean.”

You silently gasp, a blush painting itself brightly on your cheeks.

“Ah,” he leans in again, “So you do know what I mean.”

“Taehyung,” you mumble, “Sometimes your flirting for the camera is too much.” You whisper quiet enough the cameras can’t hear.

Taehyung leans down until his mouth is at the shell of your ear and you can hear the smirk.

“Who says it’s for the cameras?” he leans away from you again, he finally drops his hand from your waist and is about to turn to leave when your hand flies to his shirt.

“Wait.” You blurt out, “I’ll…” you look off to the side. “I’ll say sorry”

“Oh?” Taehyung looks amused to say the least, “Go ahead, then.”

“Only if you tell me what’s wrong today.”

“It’s nothing.”

Your hand goes from the middle of his shirt to his shoulder and you look up at him with big, doe eyes as he blinks down at you over and over.

“What?” he whispers.

“Please.” You whisper back, “I’ll be good,” you promise in a low voice.

Taehyung feels his chest get warm, the heat traveling from there to his toes. He looks at you with his serious expression and softens.

“You are good.” He breathes out. His gaze intense as he stares into your eyes.

“Then…” you pause. Taehyung keeps his eyes on your eyes until he’s not. His eyes slowly travel down your face until he’s staring at your lips. He notices how plump they look, how your tongue darts out to wet them. He feels himself being drawn closer to you, leaning in further and further.

“…Taehyung.” You say breathlessly and Taehyung blinks repeatedly, clearing his throat as he leans back again.

“Fine, don’t apologize. Brat.” And he’s stepping away from you and you watch his back as he walks away.

Taehyung. Is. Such. A. tease. And it drives you absolutely insane. You’re sure the company that watches you is having the times of their lives as you suffer. Why does he have to go this far? It only makes you want to challenge him and go even further yourself. There was a moment, right? Where he acted like he was going to kiss you? Of course he wouldn’t actually do that. This is just for show but god, it still drives you nuts.

Taehyung rushes to his bedroom, slamming the door shut as he rests against it. What the hell is wrong with him? He’s just frustrated. He misses Hana. But why do you have to be so infuriating and you know, hot. And it makes him angry. He wasn’t actually going to kiss you, of course. But there was a moment of strange tension that he…he can’t describe. Taehyung slides down the door, falling to the ground. He remembers his first kiss with Hana, it was sweet and nice but like, he doesn’t remember it being intense not like how it feels when he gets close to you.

“Taehyung!” Hana giggles as she pats his back as she’s thrown over his shoulder. “Put me down!”

“Never!” Taehyung laughs just as much as he runs around in circles. “Ugh, so heavy though.” He jokes.

“Hey!” Hana hits his back, “Come on, put me down.” Her giggles softly relax and he’s setting her down back on the ground, her feet finally planted on the ground as she keeps her arms loosely thrown around his neck.

“You really love carrying me.”

“Holding you is fun.” He smiles, “And you’re not actually heavy. Actually you weigh nothing.”

“Yeah, right.” She playfully rolls her eyes.

“So.” Taehyung chuckles awkwardly, looking into Hana’s eyes.

“So…” she steps closer to him, tightening her hold around her neck. “We’ve been hanging out a lot …” she flutters her lashes, “And..”

“And?”

“I kind of want you to kiss me.”

“Oh.” Taehyung’s eyes widen. He was not expecting that. He smiles at her and nods his head. “Yeah, I can do that.” He teases, leaning in until his lips are against hers. He pulls back but she pushes herself forward to kiss him more and he sighs in her mouth, loving the feel of her lips.

“We should do that more often.” Taehyung breathes out and Hana giggles.

Taehyung groans into his hands, recalling his memories. He does miss Hana but he feels like every time he thinks of her…he somehow is also thinking about you too. But it’s not like he’s thinking of you like that but yeah, you’re on his mind. And he’s got to chill out. He stands up from the floor and walks to his bed, throwing himself on it with a bounce. He’s still so frustrated. He recalls dinner yesterday, how he…

“I’m staring at you because you have sauce on your lips.” Taehyung says from across the dining room table.

“Should I get it for you?” he teases, standing up from his chair, the sound of it screeching against the floor makes you flinch.

“No, no.” you shake your head, “I can do it myself.”

“What if I want to help you though?” Taehyung tilts his head with innocent eyes. “I’ll clean you up.”

“Tae—”

Taehyung walks to your side of the table and bends down until his face is level with your face, he smiles at you and raises his thumb up to your lips. His thumb brushes across your bottom lip slowly, the heat of his finger making you sigh out. He leans in closer as he finishes wiping the sauce off your mouth. When he finishes he takes a moment to look into your eyes like he’s searching them for something. He’s not sure what though. You feel yourself being hypnotized by his gaze, you, yourself stare back at him just as deeply…you think he’s going to lean away any second but instead he brings his hand between your faces and brings his thumb to his mouth. His thumb pushes past his lips and he’s licking it clean, the action purposely agonizingly slow.

“There. Got it.” He breathes out, “All clean.”

Your eyes widen just the slightest…he’s a tease. A fucking tease.

Taehyung’s eyes light up in amusement when he watches how you flush under his hard stare and he starts laughing.

“W-What?” you spit out, your embarrassment has you stabbing your food with your fork. “What’s funny?”

“You.” He says with a grin, the air is starting to thin out as he laughs. “You make me laugh.”

“Glad I can entertain.” You roll your eyes.

You’re so…fuck, you’re so sexy. Taehyung has been wanting to admit that for a while, but god, he has to really fucking control himself. But he’s trying to keep these thoughts at bay because he needs to figure out what he’s doing about Hana.

He lays here thinking of all the moments he has flirted with you for the camera, he groans into his pillow when he has the hardest realization. Is it really for the camera? The tension between you two is so fucking thick, the air is suffocating, making it hard to breathe. The intensity…the thrill. You are the only one who makes him feel like his world is burning with a passionate fire. Hana is nice but you? You’re you and he’s realizing how much he likes that.

He’s realizing a lot. It’s been 6 months and he thinks he is ready to admit that this is beyond what he signed up for. He signed on to get along, but this? This is a whole other journey he’s going on.

Taehyung sits up in bed, his face gone pale as he makes his realizations. His mouth hangs open as his mind races. Does Taehyung just want to fuck you? Or….does Taehyung like you?

Suddenly, there’s soft knocking on his bedroom door, his head snaps in that direction and he knows it’s you—well duh, who else would it be? He scrambles off the bed and he’s opening the door. You’re wearing yoga pants and a long sleeve shirt now with an innocent smile on your face.

“I turned the AC down.” You say. “Now I won’t make your life hard by wearing hardly any clothes.” You’re teasing him and he’s going wild for it.

“Oh really?” he breathes out, “Are you going to say sorry?” he teases back, his breathing picking up.

“Should I ask for forgiveness?” you mock him and he raises a brow at you.

“I’m going to make you beg y/n.” he says lowly, “Keep this up and I’ll be carrying you to the other bedroom.”

Your smile drops at his words. What does he mean by that? He’s taking the acting too far…

“You ever begged before baby?” He walks closer to you, making you uneasy. You step backward further into the hall and sigh out.

“Maybe.”

“From now on, you’ll only ever do it for me.” He says so low, that you barely hear him. But you do hear him and you shudder.

“Taehyung.” You warn softly, you push him by the shoulders, backing him into his bedroom. Once inside you close the door and look at him expectantly.

“What?” he rolls his eyes at you.

“You’re being too much…” you whisper. “But fuck, I gotta admit you’re good.” You breathe out roughly, “It almost feels real.”

“I wasn’t kidding earlier.” Taehyung walks towards you, his hand reaching out to touch the ends of you hair, “Who says this is for the cameras?”

You glance up at him, clearly confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh y/n.” Taehyung feels his heart start to race. “This just got a lot more interesting.”

[lukoleoleole]

in discussing the good girls cancelation with a friend, we figured out just what is so sad about the whole thing. yes, I love the characters, their stories, the actors that play them. it's true. the thing is, those actors are always going to find another project. they have instagram and let's be real, we all check their stories and their posts and that probably won't change much. but like many of you have said, what I'm actually gutted about and what I really love is fandom life.

every fandom has its fair share of problems. this isn't my first fandom, it won't be my last. I've seen things, seen the drama, the fighting, the blocking, and the passive aggressive comments back and forth.

but what I'm talking about are the moments that make it all worth it. when that one onscreen kiss you've been waiting months for, that intimate or passing moment, the one time they say each other's names in a scene that makes an already entirely obsessed group of people absolutely lose their collective minds happens and you all light up with joy. that's the fandom moment.

then you have the gif maker scrambling to capture the moment in the most perfect way, writers analyzing and completely yet perfectly overanalyzing every single word that was said, a glimpse and a smirk shared between OTPs, or even just some benign action that you've been waiting for and no one else has even noticed yet. or maybe, just maybe, when a fic writer publishes a whole ass fic less than 24 hours later on that same scene that made all those same people lose their minds and you get to watch them lose it all over again. that's what makes it worth it.

for me it was the live blogging. that was the best part and always will be. because in that exact moment while the show is on, I know that people all over the world relate to and need a show and a community just as much as I do in that moment. then for just that moment in time, things are good.

most moments come and go...most end up fading and you move on. but there are just some moments that will stick with you forever and you know you will remember fondly.

this fandom gave me a lot of moments.

[let-them-read-fics]

Yours Truly (Pt. 2)

Requested By: Some of you!

Pairing: Jisoo x Fem!Reader

AU: College

Word Count: Part 1 -> 9,786 // Part 2 -> 7,433

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Pining, Fluff

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Here's the second and final part of the imagine, gang. I hope you enjoy the adventures I wrote for you! Let me know about your fav part(s)!

♡ Happy Reading ♡

Part 1 -- Click Here

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

5.) Epiphanies

A Week Later

"Yuqi, why the hell did you drag me here? I'd so much rather be writing…" you shove your hands further into the pockets of your hoodie and look at her with a scowl. Rows of people fill the bleachers around you, everyone excited for the football game that's scheduled to start soon. Happy couples sit together all around the stadium, and the sight only works to remind you of how weird things are with Jisoo right now.

"One: it's a Friday night and you need to let loose, and two: I wanted to come, so you have to tag along by default. The rules of friendship are very simple, Y/N," she trails off, tilting her head at you with a smile. 

"Well I am gonna go get some food," you imitate her, "Do you want anything?" You stand from the bench and look down at her, noticing how her permed hair sticks up in a few different places. You smooth it out for her as she answers, "Nachos, please." 

"Alright, dork. I'm sure the line's kinda long, but come look for me if I'm not back in 20." She pats your butt as you leave, and you just shake your head with a smile. 

"--I know! Did you hear about Lee's new girlfriend? I heard she got in a fight with his ex last ni--"

"I'm fucking starving bro."

"Yeah, they totally hooked up at Jackson's party!"

Various conversations work their way to your ears as you walk towards the back of the line, but you attempt to not get too invested in the gossip. As welcoming as your school tends to be, even it has its fair share of scandals and drama. You've never been one to care about rumors though, and you don't plan to start now.

"I heard that Jisoo likes someone." 

Funny how plans can change in an instant, don't you think? 

You can't find it in yourself to ignore the childish desire to eavesdrop, so you listen in as the line slowly shifts forward with each new customer served, doing your best to be inconspicuous. 

"Supposedly she's been into them for a while but they don't know about it. I guess Lisa is planning to get them together tonight or something, I don't know." You recognize the brunette speaking as Seulgi, a dance major that you share a couple classes with. She's talking to Yeri, whom you've seen a few times in passing. 

That must be why she was defensive about the kiss; she has feelings for someone else. 

"Ooh, that'll be interesting. I can't say that I'm not disappointed, though; now Jisoo's gonna be off the market." The shorter girl frowns, basically reading your mind with her statement. You've never fooled yourself into believing you have a chance with Jisoo, but knowing that she'll be whisked away by some lucky classmate of yours definitely isn't an easy pill to swallow. 

You pass the remaining wait time by imagining who that person may be. Jisoo has a lot of friends, but you've never seen her around campus with any particular love interest; she always puts her studies first, deciding that her education is far more important than any potential relationship.

You remain lost in your thoughts until it's your turn to order.

"Hey Y/N, what can I get for you?" The cashier greets, resetting the register as she grins at you. 

"Hi Yeji," you smile back, happy to see your old friend again after what feels like forever. Your busy schedules have kept you from hanging out much lately, but seeing her now is something you're grateful for. "I'll take two waters, a medium nacho, and 1 hot dog, please." 

"You want everything on it?" She asks in reference to your last request, assuming you still stick with the order you used to go with in your childhood. 

"You know it. And make sure to--"

"--spread the toppings out well. I remember, girl." She says with a wink, turning around to get started on your order. The familiar interaction warms your heart, aided by the idea that some things never change. After she packages your things up in a convenient little container, you thank her and pay, walking away with a promise to meet up at the school's café next week.

About halfway back to your seat, something unexpected happens.

"Rosie, we can't buy out the whole place. This is the 4th trip we've taken back here and the game hasn't even started yet!" You freeze as you round the corner, almost dropping your food as Jisoo's low voice sounds off nearby. 

"Unnie, I didn't even get to eat much of the other stuff at all! Lisa and Jennie stole it and shared it with everyone else," the artist pouts, rolling her hands into fists at her sides like a toddler. 

"Fine. But this is the last trip I'm taking." She warns, rolling her eyes when the Australian attacks her with a flurry of kisses. "Yah! Let's go before we miss something." She says, pushing her off of her with a smile on her face. 

Even her voice makes your heart ache, and it reminds you of what her kiss felt like against your lips. It was short, no doubt, and barely there; but the sparks remain, waiting to be reignited anytime she's around. Maybe you're just destined to pine.

----

"There you are! I was literally about to go steal some food from Shuhua because you were taking so long." 

"Yeah, yeah," you say, sitting down beside Yuqi with the cardboard box in your hands. "You're lucky I love you enough to pay for this. Now I'll have to survive on 3 grains of rice and ramen for the next few weeks." 

"Oh, the struggles of being a broke college student." She says woefully, clutching her hands together in front of her chest to add to the effect. 

"Precisely," you agree, scooting closer to offer her some nachos. When she tries to greedily take the whole tray of them, you're quick to stop her. 

"Ah, ah, ah," you warn, pulling her wrist back down. "We're sharing, chica." She huffs, but eventually settles down and decides to shove her face full instead of protesting anymore. 

Now, with your best friend happily eating, you relax and begin to prepare yourself for the match. 

--

"LET'S GO!" You shout with Yuqi, chanting together as your school's anthem echoes throughout the stadium. The rival team has been behind the entire game, but they closed the gap in the last few minutes and now it's neck and neck. Your band plays loudly to encourage your team, and it seems to be working; they manage to repeatedly hold the others off and keep them from scoring. 

It's the start of the fourth quarter now -- the home stretch. With their spirits still high, your team continues to keep victory out of their opponents hands. The black paint underneath their eyes is really streaked now, showing all the effort and sweat that they've put into the game so far. A beautiful sunset just previously gave way to a rapidly darkening evening sky, allowing some stars to peek out now.

"My high school team sucked; this is epic!" Yuqi says, making you laugh. You tear your eyes away from the heated game to say something to her, but all thoughts soon disappear from your mind and you stop mid-sentence. 

She notices your sudden silence and looks at you, only realizing what's happening once she follows your line of sight. Jeong is standing against the metal fence that borders the track, mingling with everyone at the bottom of the bleachers. That doesn't bother you, but what you see next certainly does; you spot Jisoo beside him, giggling at something he said as he tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. 

"Oh shit," Yuqi breathes out, fully grasping the weight of the situation now. She doesn't even attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he knows how in love you are with Jisoo and yet there he is, flirting away. He's the only other person besides Yuqi who knows of your feelings for the brunette, and you really trusted him with it. Clearly that was a mistake. You blink a few times and set your jaw, quickly looking away as he moves closer to whisper something in her ear over the noise of the crowd. 

"I'm gonna head out to the car. Just let me know who wins," you mumble, brushing past her on your way toward the exit. You know there's no way you'd be able to focus on the game anymore after seeing that, so going is your best option. She catches your arm before you can slip away, and says, "Wait, I'm coming with you. And don't even try to tell me no; I can always watch highlights later. I'm not gonna let you be alone right now." 

Knowing it's pointless to argue anymore, you nod once and wait for her to gather up her trash and coat. "Let's go," she says, taking your hand after tossing her garbage in the can conveniently placed at the end of your row. She squeezes it a few times for reassurance, and a bittersweet smile works onto your lips at the gesture. 

You don't notice how Jisoo's eyes follow you, every fiber of her being yelling at her to go after you. She hates seeing you sad, and although she isn't 100% sure of the reason for it now, all she wants is to cheer you up. 

"So, Jisoo. Do you have any plans after the game?" Jeong smirks, quirking a brow suggestively at his own question. Jisoo grimaces, saying, "Yeah, I do. I have to study." She tries to find you in the crowd again, but it seems that you've already slipped away. 

"We're throwing a party tonight, you should come." He leans a little closer to her, but she takes a step back. The only reason she's even talking to him right now is because Lisa introduced them, and it would be impolite not to. She turns him down, yet again sneaking a glance around the stadium. 

"No wonder Y/N's too chicken to ask you out; you're hard to get, but I don't mind a challenge." Her head whips around at his statement, heart regaining that familiar uptick at the mention of you. "What?" She blinks, not believing her ears. Surely she was just hearing things. 

"I said I don't mind a challenge," his words come out slightly slurred, and the effects of the alcohol he's been drinking are beginning to show themselves in all the wrong ways. The more he talks, the less Jisoo can stand him. "Look, Jeong -- I'm not interested. I'm sure there are other girls here that would love to get to know you, but I'm not one of them. Now, if you'll excuse me," she says, turning her body to the side to maneuver around him and get to the stairs. He lets her go without another word, his pride too bruised to come up with a more fitting response than a muttered insult. 

She makes quick work of getting to the parking lot, where she spots you approaching Yuqi's car, head hanging a bit. Seeing you upset saddens her, and she's determined to find out what's wrong. 

"Y/N! Wait up!" The shout catches your attention, and you slowly spin around. Jisoo begins to jog out to you, and a scoff slips past your lips (though you don't put much effort into stopping it). You're hurt, and half of the reason for your pain is staring right back at you like nothing happened. 

"What do you want, Jisoo?" You sigh, not looking forward to where this conversation will most certainly go.

"I want to talk, Y/N." She's in front of you now, scanning her eyes between yours to gauge your reaction. 

"What is there to say? Just go back to talking to Jeong; you looked like you were enjoying yourself." She can hear the jealousy laced in your tone, and things finally -- finally -- begin to click for her. 

"Is that what this is about?" She asks in reference to your sadness. The question isn't accusatory at all; she's genuinely trying to piece things together. 

A disbelieving laugh leaves you at that. How is she still so oblivious? "Yes, Jisoo, it is. I just had to witness someone who I thought was my friend flirt with my crush. So yeah, that's what this is about." Sensing that she doesn't know what to say, you decide to conclude things for her. This is already pitiful enough, and you'd rather spare the both of you from having the "it's not you, it's me" talk. 

"Look, I get it. You don't like me back, and you were only trying to be friendly by inviting me to the rehearsal that night. Just please, for the both of us, forget it even happened. Forget all of this. It was a mistake, and I won't do it again."

Jisoo hates that you're jumping to conclusions without even knowing her true feelings; you automatically think that she couldn't possibly feel the same, and you use her moment of silence as a form of evidence to prove that. The complete opposite is true, though you'd never give her enough time to straighten out her jumbled thoughts and tell you that. 

She finds her voice when you turn away, and she reaches out to touch your hand. "Stop, you've got it all wrong." Your eyes glance down to your intertwined hands, but you wiggle out of her grip with a heavy sigh. Over your shoulder, you shakily say, "You don't have to pretend for me, Jisoo. I'll be alright. If he makes you happy, then so be it." 

With that, you get in Yuqi's car and tell her to drive away, leaving Jisoo to deal with the sinking feeling in her chest that worsens as the car's tail lights grow dimmer and dimmer in the distance. You're gone, and she really has no idea how to come back from this. 

6.) Broken Hearted

The next few weeks were hell. You avoided Jisoo as much as possible, too embarrassed to face her after what happened and too weak to be close to her again. You'd surely fall even harder if you allowed yourself to grow any closer, so you didn't take the risk. How could you? Falling alone isn't an enjoyable experience, and you've been teetering on the edge of no return ever since that afternoon at the daycare. 

It was hard enough to escape her hold -- her face was everywhere, plastered on ads and bulletin boards all throughout campus, on reminders and sign ups for student council. You used your sick days in order to hide away in your dorm and block out the world, only being comforted by Ryujin when she wasn't busy with her own life or Yuqi when she could spare a few hours. They always made sure to care for you as much as they could, knowing first hand how tough heartbreak can be -- especially with the added stress of schoolwork. 

One person you thought about often was Jeong. Every time he'd cross your mind, dirtying up your brainwaves with the mere notion of himself, you'd grimace. He didn't deserve the attention, and yet you couldn't help but question why he did that to you. He hadn't reached out since that night, likely due to Yuqi giving him a piece of her mind after the game. He made it clear that he wasn't sorry, and that if given the chance, he'd play his cards even better and hopefully score a date with Jisoo. 

Maybe that was the worst part of it all. Hearing that it hadn't just been a stupid thing he did because he was drunk; he realized the weight of his actions, and he'd do it again, over and over, without caring about how you fit into the equation. That football game was simply a turning point, hidden in plain sight as an unassuming night for you to hang out with Yuqi. But you learned more then than you had ever intended to; Jeong's selfish, and he probably never even cared for you in the first place. The idea of that makes you feel dirty -- like you wasted so much of your time with such a horrible person, sticking up for him and defending his name when he wasn't around when he never even deserved that in the first place. You wish you would've known who he really was back then; you would've stayed away. 

Unbeknownst to you, Jisoo was struggling much like you -- minus the whole "betrayed by a best friend" situation. Every time that she showed up in class, she hoped with every piece of herself that you'd walk through the door and grace the room with your presence. You seldom ever did, though -- but when you ran out of free days of absence and were forced to attend class in order to keep your grades up, you never even uttered a word to her. She'd make it a point to ask questions in class, hoping that hearing her voice would bring something out of you, as yours did to her. She longed to talk to you again, if only for a minute; but your resolve remained strong, and her determination grew weaker as the days went by. 

Being the person she is, though, she knew giving up wasn't an option. After a few weeks of that cycle, greeting stands were placed at the front doors of each complex on campus, manned by different members of the council. She came up with a story for the administration on the fly, using her people skills to convince them that it would be good for student morale and getting more people to join clubs. It was a great effort, but she underestimated your avoidance skills; you thwarted her plans again, slipping right through her strategically linked fingers. 

Eventually, she lost hope. She exhausted every option she knew to try, and the girls ran out of new ones as well. Seeing their unnie so upset saddened them, and they did all they could to cheer her up in any and every way they knew how. 

7.) Premiere Night

"Y/N, get up. You're gonna shower and get dressed if I have to force you to do it myself." Yuqi commands, blasting into your room and flipping on the overhead light that shines far too bright for your liking. 

"Mmm," you groan in protest, not even bothering to roll over. 

"I mean it; don't test me, you know I'm true to my word."

"Why, Yuqi?"

"Because we're going to the performance tonight. The big show that everyone has been going on about is premiering, and you're coming with me to see it."

"I can't do that." You say, her words sobering you up from your sleepy stupor.

"I know who the lead is," she informs, already knowing about your reasons for being hesitant, "and that's precisely why we're going. You can't keep living like this, so either go get your girl, or agree to be friends with her and work past what you're dealing with." 

"You sound like a mom at the end of an 80s movie."

"80s movie moms are valid, so I'll take that as a compliment. Now go!" She shouts, shoving you off the bed. You tumble to the floor in a heap of blankets and pillows, still managing to hit your funny bone as you let out a pained groan. 

"Remind me to slap her later, Ryujin." 

"Will do." She salutes, reaching a hand down to help you up. With one last glare at an annoyingly bubbly Yuqi, you head to the bathroom to shower. 

----

"How do I look?" You ask, looking yourself up and down in the skinny mirror attached to the wall. 

"Is it gay if I say I'd ask you out?" Yuqi asks with a smile, fanning herself animatedly when you strike a pose. 

"Very much so, yes." 

"Well, hand me the rainbow suspenders, then." 

You push her over with a laugh -- the first real one you've shared in a while -- and wrap her in a hug. 

"Thank you, for real. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you." You say against her shoulder, pulling back to look at your roommate and add, "Either of you." The three of you settle in for a group hug and tell a few more jokes before Yuqi finally drags you out of the dorm. 

----

"How does it feel to be back in society?" Yuqi whispers, leaning in close to you to read the seat numbers printed on your tickets. 

"As lame as ever." You add, amusingly unenthused. 

"You're never gonna convince Jisoo to date your dumbass with that attitude." She retorts, feeling a little guilty when she sees your expression change upon hearing her name. You're afraid to see where the two of you will stand at the end of the night, so saying it's still a sore subject is the understatement of the year. 

"I'm messing with you, dude. If she doesn't want to be with you, then it's her loss; but I highly doubt that's the case. I've heard she misses you a lot." For once, Yuqi's words are halfway encouraging to hear, and you let out a light smile. 

"Well I'm prepared to worry about that whole situation later. For now, let's find our seats and enjoy the show." Your best friend quickly agrees, and the two of you squeeze through the crowds in the aisles to get to your row. 

----

"Jisoo, I promise you'll do well. You've been practicing for months; you've got this," Soo-hyun says, rubbing his co-lead's back in reassuring circles. The certainty in his deep voice gives Jisoo some semblance of security, and she stands to look at him with one final, nervous sigh. Stage fright has never been this big of an issue for her, but the size of the crowd and the idea that you might be out there scare the hell out of her. She wants you to be there with all of her heart, but she doesn't know if she'll be able to handle watching you walk away again. The past few weeks have been torture, and she misses your presence and witty remarks more than she ever thought possible. 

"Thank you, Soo-hyun. I'll meet you out there in a couple minutes, just let me collect myself."

He nods and says, "Take your time. I'll let Mrs. Choi know," before leaving and shutting the door behind himself. Now alone again, Jisoo digs through her personal bag that lays neatly on the small futon of the dressing room. When her fingers come in contact with that familiar material she's spent hours staring at, she bites the inside of her cheek and unfolds it for the millionth time. Multiple poems and blurbs litter the page, accompanied by cute doodles and cartoons here and there that give it a personal feel. She's spent the time away from you methodically working through the different writings, restraining herself from reading all of them in one setting so that she can have new content from time to time. 

She's down to the last one, now, and a surprising sort of realization hits her when she reads it. It instills within her a sense of determination -- determination to get you back and set things right, one way or another. She makes a plan to find you after the performance.

-- After The Performance -- 

It was even more spectacular than you ever imagined it could be. The school spared no expense in getting the best props, employing the most skilled technicians on hand, and recruiting the best artists that the school had to paint the backdrops. Everyone behind the scenes worked tirelessly to produce the best show possible, and their efforts really paid off. 

And, of course, you can't forget the actors. 

The entire cast was incredible, their talent matching some of the world's most sought-after stars. Every part was played to perfection; even the smaller, supporting roles were acted with passion, really bringing the piece together as a whole. The production left you wanting more, too inspired and awestruck by the amazing performances to be content with just seeing it once. So, after numerous calls for an encore, the cast returned to run through a few of their key scenes. 

---

As the cast takes their final bow, large cannons placed on either side of the stage shoot out bursts of colorful confetti, and you watch it flutter down around them. Some try to catch a piece or two to add to their scrapbooks, wanting to have a trinket from their college years, while others just hug each other and twirl around with content smiles on their faces. The crowd continues its loud cheering, and eventually you find the courage to sneak a glance at Jisoo.

To your surprise, she's looking right back. 

Her eyes hold a mixed softness; she's proud of herself and glad that you came to support her on such a big night, but part of her wants to escape the busyness of it all and tell you everything she's been feeling. She'd be content with looking at you forever, she realizes, as she studies you. You're the true star in her eyes, always shining so bright and making everyone feel at home whenever they're around you. She hopes you know how special you are. 

Mrs. Choi approaches the cast from stage right, gathering their attention to congratulate them and commend them for their performances. Jisoo reluctantly looks away from you, unsure if it's the last time she'll be seeing you tonight. The thought upsets her, but there isn't much she can do about it right now; so, she gives her attention to her professor and flashes that smile that makes everyone weak in the knees. 

You knew it was just a matter of time before she'd be pulled away and immersed in some conversation about the show, but the selfish side of you never wanted her to look away. No matter how confusing things may be because of all of your unresolved issues, she still looks at you like she always had before -- her gaze is kind, albeit bittersweet, but it's full of care. Seeing her like that makes you feel like even more of an asshole than you already do -- maybe you should have just listened to her at the game. Running away was an immature choice, rooted entirely in your own sadness in that moment as you deprived yourself of any explanation she could've offered, though you can't judge yourself too harshly. The situation is complicated, and you still don't know whether to hate yourself for running or go easy on yourself in light of what happened. 

When Yuqi sees you stand up and shuffle towards the end of your row, she sends you a warning look. 

"Dude, I'm not gonna run away. I'm literally just gonna step outside for some fresh air, I promise." She visibly relaxes, no longer having to prepare herself to wrangle you back into the seat. 

"Fine. But if you aren't back in 15 minutes I'm coming to track you down. You really need to talk to her." 

You sigh, nodding in agreement. "I know, trust me. Just let me get my thoughts together first." She sends you off to do just that, but not until the two of you complete the special handshake you made up all those months ago. 

---

Brisk air rushes over your skin in waves the moment you exit the side door of the building, automatically sending goosebumps to raise in its wake. It feels nice, though; it grounds you, and works to cool off your heated skin. The atmosphere inside was thick with the tension you've been feeling ever since what happened that night at the game, and its effects were only heightened by the raw performances of the evening. Passion and longing were the driving factors of the play, ironically, and many of the scenes drew eerie parallels to your current situation. So, it's no wonder that you're thankful to step away from it all for a bit.

You greet a few stray audience members that're puttering around outside as well, opting to walk down a little further away from them and lean against the building. The wall's brick material feels rough against your back, lightly scratching it whenever you shift your weight from one foot to the other. You don't mind it, though; it's oddly nostalgic, somehow. 

When you hear the door open again, you think nothing of it. The metal hinges latch just the same as they had for you, so there's really no reason for you to even look up. However, that all changes when you feel someone's eyes on you.

Unprepared is leaps and bounds away from being a fitting statement to describe how you feel in that moment; Jisoo stands merely 10 feet away from you at most, right next to the stage door that she just came out of. Her hands fiddle with the drawstrings of her costume, seemingly always needing to be occupied when she's nervous or unsure of herself; it's a habit you've picked up on after seeing it so many times. 

The longer you look at her, the more you want to look away; she's so beautiful it hurts, and the silence is eating away at you. You can't blame her, though; neither of you know what to say or do, and the only thing you seem capable of is staring at each other. When you break the intense eye contact you were sharing to turn away, only intending to take a minute to collect yourself, Jisoo is suddenly set in motion. 

She's afraid you'll leave again, and she's prepared to fight even harder for you this time.

I love you as the stars love the night sky

A fateful, cyclic romance

A game of eager greetings and reluctant goodbyes

Those words -- ones that you remember penning one day in class while completely entranced by Jisoo -- roll from her lips effortlessly, as if she had spent time committing them to memory. She had, in fact; whenever days passed without her even catching a glimpse of you, she always found herself unfolding that note again, tracing a finger over the curve of your unique letters as she reread the poem. It always brought her comfort to think that you were in just as deep as her, and a similar sense of hope blossoms in her chest now when she spots an unbelieving smile tug at the corner of your lips as you slowly turn to face her again. 

You're still into her, and she's falling even deeper at the realization. Maybe she didn't lose you after all. 

She takes calculated steps towards you and breathes a sigh of relief when you stay put, not showing any signs of running. The wheels in your head are going into overdrive now, turning and churning as you process her little recital, and she prays with all of her heart that you won't be upset once you put two and two together. 

"How did you…"

"You dropped it one day, and I picked it up. I meant to give it back to you, but I guess I just never got around to it." She feels a little guilty for keeping it as long as she has, but it's served as a way of keeping you close during your time apart. Those bits and pieces of you, scattered around on that page, encapsulated by the annotations and doodles you so kindly left behind, have stayed in her heart. Ever since she discovered it all that time ago, it's never been very far from her; she cherishes it more than you'll ever know. 

"You didn't show it to anyone, right?" Your voice is laced with worry, lowered a bit to keep others from overhearing. 

"No, no! Of course not. I just… kept it for myself. You're really talented; I couldn't stop reading your stuff." 

"Thank, I guess?" You awkwardly chuckle, still a bit rusty on how to interact with her after everything. Plus, to be fair, having your crush read one of the love letters you wrote about her is a bit unheard of. Newfound territory, you think to yourself.

"How long?" You ask after a minute of silence, only realizing how loaded your question is after it slips past your lips, turning into a puff of steam in the chilly atmosphere. "How long have you… felt that way about me?" You quickly add, "Assuming that you feel what the poem says, of course." 

An amused smile tweaks her lips at how cute you are. "I do, Y/N. I always have; ever since that afternoon at the daycare." 

"Really?" The question is quiet, full of childlike disbelief. 

"Really. It was always you." She says it freely now: unafraid.

The sentiment is sweet, but memories of the football game come flooding back and you're reminded that as much as you want to skip this next part, you still have things to discuss. 

"What about Jeong?" 

"What about him?"

"Did you ever like him?"

"No. The girls thought so, but it was just a misunderstanding. That's why Lisa introduced us at the game; she thought I had a crush on him, but I told her that you were always the one I was looking at. I told all of the girls that, after that night." 

Her confession renders you speechless -- only capable of listening and nodding every now and then. She takes advantage of your silence to finally explain herself and tell you everything she's been dying to. 

"I didn't know you felt the same until our talk in the parking lot. I mean, I was hopeful after some of the moments we had, but I didn't know for sure until then. I wanted to beg you to stay and hear me out, but you left before I had the chance."

You blink a few times as the reality of her words begin to sink in. "I had no idea…"

"Yeah, well…" she trails off, unsure of what to say next. She's forgiven you for walking away, knowing you were just hurt, but the whole situation still left a bad taste in her mouth. So much pain could've been avoided for the both of you if you had just listened.

"How did they take it?"

"They yelled at me for waiting so long to tell them, but then they tried to help me get you back. Remember those student council booths?" She leans in a little closer to ask that last line, her lips pulling to the side in that iconic smirk of hers. 

You audibly gasp and point at her animatedly. "I knew that was you!"

"Mhm, pulled some fancy-sounding excuse out of my ass to convince the board, and boom; 20 brand new tables set up the next day. I still can't believe you managed to slip past them, though. I mean, c'mon, have you seen how talkative those kids can be?" 

"Trust me, it wasn't easy," you laugh with her. "I had to sneak to the back entrances like a drug dealer." 

"I can totally see that." 

"I'm dedicated, what can I say?" The stupid hair flip you do makes her laugh even harder, clutching her stomach as those beautiful sounds slip past her lips. 

As your shared laughter eventually turns into soft chuckles, she smiles at you, saying, "I really missed this. I missed you, so so much." 

"I've been a wreck without you, Jisoo. It's honestly embarrassing." 

She looks at you with something new shining in her eyes, and she carefully contemplates what she's about to admit. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course." 

"I rarely cry, Y/N, but I did over you. So you have no reason to be embarrassed. It seems like both of us were pretty bad off." She looks down after saying that, scuffing her foot against the concrete of the sidewalk. Being vulnerable isn't usually easy for her, and she never really lets people see that side of her -- not even the girls. She feels like she has to stay strong for them to keep things running smoothly, but she fails to realize how important her own feelings are. You're different, though; she feels like her entire collection of secrets would be safe with you, and you make her feel secure enough to be open like that. 

When she feels you step closer and hook two fingers underneath her chin, her eyes dart up to yours and her heart speeds up. Your other arm hesitantly wraps around her waist, giving her plenty of time to step away and deny you. You've spent so much time convincing yourself that she couldn't possibly want someone like you that you're genuinely surprised when she steps further into your embrace, pulling your arm tighter around herself. 

Her right arm comes to rest loosely on your shoulder as her other hand caresses your forearm, rubbing various patterns against your smooth skin. "I tried so hard to get you to pick up on my flirting," she starts, playing with the baby hairs at the nape of your neck as she holds you close. "Every touch," she runs a finger down your arm, leaving a trail of electricity in its wake. "Every look," she moves her hand from your neck to your cheek, cupping it sweetly as she gazes into your eyes. She strokes your skin with the pad of her thumb, smiling beautifully when she feels you nuzzle into her hold even more. 

"And that kiss…" she says, sounding breathless at the mere thought of it. "I wanted it to last forever." 

"Why didn't you tell me that, then?" You ask, not even a trace of anger in your tone. You're determined to let go of all the hurt and fear that your misunderstandings have caused, opting instead to finally get the answers you've wanted for so long. "After I came back from putting Aera to bed you were just… different. And then when you said it was just a part of the script--"

"I know. I was afraid that if I let myself have you like that -- if I let you in all the way -- there'd be no going back." When she sees the confusion building in your eyes, she continues on. "I don't usually let myself get distracted; I can't afford it. You know how seriously I take my studies." You nod, recalling the numerous times you've found her in the library until it closed, studying hard for the exams everyone knew she'd ace. "But you wiggled your way past every line of defense I ever put up. You became my favorite distraction." A dopey grin tugs at your lips at receiving that title, and you subconsciously hold your head a little higher.

"But I wasn't prepared for that. You make me feel things that I've never felt before, and I really didn't think I could afford to let myself have you. Not fully, anyway. I could deal with a crush; I told myself I could keep you close enough that I wouldn't miss you, but far enough that I could keep myself protected."

"What changed?" You ask, smoothing your hands over the small of her back, feeling the heat radiate from her skin. They've worked their way under the hem of her shirt during your conversation, subconsciously seeking to share her warmth, and Jisoo has been acutely aware of it the entire time. 

"When I saw you walk away like that I didn't know what to do with myself. I've had people leave before, so it's not a new thing; but I never missed them like I've missed you."

A bittersweet, melancholic look settles on your face at that; she deserves every good thing that the world has to offer, so knowing that you played a part in her sadness -- whether it be direct or indirect -- disheartens you a bit. 

"But you're here now, and that's all that matters." She says, leaning her forehead against yours. 

"And I'm not going anywhere," you affirm, holding her even closer than before. She brushes her nose against yours with a quiet sigh, relieved to be in your arms, caught safely in your warm embrace. If falling feels like this, she's more than okay with it. 

"Can I?" You ask, glancing down to the heart shaped pillows you've dreamt of having against yours again. 

She nods, uttering a soft, "Please", as she tilts her head to the side in expectancy. You close the remaining distance, bending your knees slightly to tighten your hold on her waist and pull her flush up against yourself. Both of her arms wrap around your neck now, occasionally coming down to tilt your head and allow her better access, or run her fingers through your hair. It's sensual and meaningful, but an air of urgency hangs in the air, thickening it the longer her lips are on you. Both of you are making up for lost time, so it's no wonder you're so eager. 

She takes your bottom lip between her teeth as she backs you up, pressing you against the brick wall that you had migrated a few steps away from during your conversation. If she were kissing anyone else, perhaps she'd care about the strangers staring, or what they might say; but as she stands here, feeling your hands explore her body in the ways that she's dreamed of and your lips kiss her senseless, that's the furthest thought from her mind. Her hands grab at the collar of your shirt, balling the material up in her palms as she pushes her lips against yours from a new angle. 

When you eventually pull back for air, you can't help but say the phrase that's been sitting on your mind for weeks. "I love you." 

Her heart speeds up to match yours, both of them racing as you look at each other with giant smiles on your faces. "I love you, too. If you hadn't already guessed that," she chuckles, leaning up to kiss you again. This one's more innocent, though -- full of giddiness as you replay each other's declaration in your minds. 

"Y/N L/N IF YOU AREN'T OUT HERE--"

Yuqi bellows loudly, blasting through the side door and out into the chilly night air. The metal smacks against the wall from the force she exerted, and you physically cringe at the sound. Jisoo does the same, quickly pulling away to find out what's going on. 

When Yuqi's line of sight settles on the two of you, her eyebrows raise and a smirk lands on her lips. "Well, well, well. Looks like my work here is done," she says, cocking her head to the side self-assuredly when she sees how swollen both of your lips are and how mussed your clothing is. You send her a look that she registers as "Get lost", and she retreats back into the performance hall with her hands raised in surrender.

"Idiot," you mutter under your breath, shaking your head as you watch the door close behind her, its poor hinges still recovering from her assault. Jisoo's giggle makes you turn back to her, finding a breathtaking smile forming on her lips. "You're so cute," she coos, poking your cheek, "especially when you blush like that." 

You fight the bashfulness that attempts to take over, managing to cock a brow at her and say, "Hey, watch it -- I might not be so kind in my next poem if you don't stop teasing me." 

"Aww, don't be like that, baby." 

She tenses up after realizing she let that pet name slip out at the end, but your smile only widens. 

"Say that again."

"Baby," she drawls in her signature sultry tone, stepping closer to you again. 

"Mmm, I could get used to that." You hum against her lips, pressing yours to them at the end of your statement. 

"Good, because there's more where that came from." 

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhm," she settles into your arms again, looking into your eyes with so much love you nearly swoon. "This is only the beginning for us."