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ahtohallan-calling · 5 years ago

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chapter 5 of don’t read the last page is here!

[kristanna / m / multichap / modern au with actress!anna and vetstudent!kristoff]

He’d put the phone down on the counter while he made breakfast, but now that his hands were free again he still didn’t pick it up; after their initial awkward phone call, they’d started FaceTiming instead, and as much as he loved seeing her face, he was really glad she couldn’t see his right now.

“And I was soo confused, so I started telling her, like, ‘Seriously, Honey, he’s got this amazing blond hair that you just like, want to touch all the time and these big brown eyes and little freckles and plus I’m pretty sure he’s kind of ripped and I—‘ Kristoff, I heard the microwave go off already. Are you hiding from me?”

“No,” he muttered, his face turning even redder.

chapter 5

day 1

Sven was just stumbling into the kitchen when Kristoff came in. He frowned, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

“You look really happy for someone who just dropped off their girlfriend at the airport for a six-week trip,” he said, pouring a glass of chocolate milk.

“Not my girlfriend.”

“Not the important part of that sentence.”

Kristoff snagged the bottle and poured himself a cup. “This is mine, by the way, so you owe me.”

“Fine, I’ll buy toilet paper l-- no, I know you, Bjorgman, you’re trying to distract me.”

Sven narrowed his eyes further, fixing Kristoff with a hard stare. He tried to look as innocent as possible as he went to rummage through the fridge, but then he remembered the way Anna had clung to him, the feel of her little hands in his hair, the press of her lips against--

“Oh my god! You kissed her!”

Kristoff stood, not bothering to hide his smile anymore. “Well, technically, she kissed me.”

“I fucking called it, man, I knew you wouldn’t be able to hold off that much longer.”

“We really did try.”

“You didn’t even make it a week, my guy,” Sven said amiably, meandering into the living room. “You tried harder at Mario Kart the other night. Which, by the way, I know you lost on purpose so Anna could win.”

Kristoff considered arguing, but then his phone lit up with a text from Anna, so instead he grinned and walked away to the sound of Sven sighing dramatically. “I heard that buzz! I know it’s her! Jesus, I’d say get a room, but--”

Kristoff didn’t hear the rest as he shut his bedroom door.

kris!! theres wifi i can text you

Im in first class look

That’s crazy

They gave you champagne this early in the morning?

supposed to be for mimosas

but it’s like 5 o clock somewhere

specifically romania so

That jet lag is going to be rough.

How long is your flight?

10 hrs to london then 3 to bucharest💀

but i think my seat turns into a bed so ill try to sleep

theres sooooo many movies tho!

omg theyre bringing more snacks….i feel like a movie star already

You kind of are.

havent made the movie yet!!

oh the director is here he wants to talk ttyl

---

day 4

For some reason, her hands were shaking as they hovered over the green button. “Just do it, Anna,” she muttered to herself. “It’s just Kristoff. He told you to call.”

Thanks to the time difference and long flights, it had taken most of two days to even get here, and on her first full day in Romania she’d been so overwhelmed with the film set and meeting her co-star Adam and talking to the directors and producers and costumers and cameramen that she’d completely crashed the moment she’d gotten back to her hotel room. She’d woken up in the middle of the night and sent Kristoff a quick text apologizing for not calling; he’d responded almost immediately, reassuring her that it was fine and to just call him the next day. At a reasonable hour, he’d made sure to add, not at 2 A.M. Go back to sleep.

She had, and then she’d nearly missed her alarm and hadn’t had time to call him in the morning, and then she’d been filming her first scene and been so overwhelmed by all of that that now it was nearly six o’clock, and it was the first time she’d gotten to look at her phone all day.

He’d texted her once at around 9 A.M. her time. Good luck today! You’ll kill it. Her heart had done a funny little flip at the message, simple as it was; every time she thought of Kristoff, it didn’t feel quite real, like it was just a daydream she would wake up from, but here it was, concrete proof that even literally halfway around the world-- more than halfway, actually-- he was still thinking of her, still caring about her.

The remembrance of that was what finally gave her the courage to hit call. She felt too nervous to FaceTime him, especially considering she was already in sweatpants and halfway through eating a bowl of pasta on her bed. He picked up on the third ring, sounding breathless for some reason.

“Hey! Anna! How are you?”

“I’m, um, I’m good! How are you? You sound kind of...out of breath?”

“Oh, yeah, you caught me at the gym, so I--”

“Oh! I’m so sorry, let me hang up and--”

“No, don’t! I’m almost done, just--”

There was a quick beep in the background, and a whirring noise she hadn’t noticed until now stopped. “Okay, sorry, we’re good.”

She couldn’t help but imagine what he looked like right now, with his hair hanging in his eyes and sweat dripping down his very well-muscled--

“Anna? You there?”

He’d just asked her something, but she’d been too busy daydreaming to catch it. Maybe it really was for the best she hadn’t gone for FaceTime; she probably would have been struck speechless at the sight of him. “Sorry, I was just-- sorry. Um. What did you say?”

He laughed softly. “I asked how your first day of filming went.”

“Oh! It was good, really good, actually. We filmed that scene I auditioned with, actually. They changed the bit about the cowboy boots.”

“Thank god. I don’t know anything about movies, but I know that was awful.”

“Oh, yeah, Adam-- that’s who’s playing Jesse-- he said they’d have to double his paycheck if they wanted him to say shit like that, and then we kind of improv-ed something else and it went really well.”

“That’s awesome!”

Anna felt herself blushing, just barely, at the sound of the genuine pride in his voice. “It was, um, it was nothing, really.”

“So how’s all of it going? Are the...um...honestly, I don’t know who all is involved in making movies. But are the other people nice?”

“Yeah! I really like the girl who does my hair and makeup, her name’s Honey. Isn’t that cute?”

Kristoff laughed; she could hear him starting the car in the background. Anna bit her lip. “Oh-- did you get to shower?”

“I will at home, don’t worry. Anyway--”

“You need to focus on driving? Yeah, I totally get it, seriously. Bye!”

She hit the red button and quickly dropped her phone. Her heart had been pounding the whole time; god, she was really out of practice with this whole thing. Embarrassment swept over her, and she buried her face in her knees; how the hell was this going to work when she was too self-conscious to talk to him for more than five minutes? God, she’d be lucky if he ever bothered to call her again after this.

To her surprise, the phone buzzed only a moment later. She debated picking it up for a long moment, then decided to go ahead and rip the bandaid off and snatched it up.

Just FYI, I was feeling really nervous, too. Want me to call you back after I get home and shower?

For some reason, tears started to fill her eyes as she typed a response.

yes please :)

She showered, too, taking her time as she let the hot water work its magic on the tension in her shoulders, drawing in slow, deep breaths to steady herself. It wasn’t that every guy she’d ever dated had been bad, per se, just that it had been quite a long time since she’d been with someone who made her feel this nervous and excited and terrified and joyful all at once-- actually, now that she thought about it, she didn’t know if she’d ever liked someone else this much right off the bat. Since coming to L.A. almost two years ago, she’d had a string of bad luck with men, and it was strange readjusting to the notion that one would want to talk to her as much as she wanted to talk to him, that he actually wanted to hear about her day, that he saw right through all her embarrassing little defense mechanisms and somehow knew just what to say to make her feel better. Of course they knew each other, but this was something different, something more, as if she didn’t even have to say something for him to understand.

Her phone buzzed again ten minutes after she got out of the shower; with a smile, she picked it up.

“Hey, Kris.”

“Hey, Anna.”

“Ready to try again?”

“With you? Always.”

---

day 9

“So I was telling her, like, ‘I wish I had a recent picture of him to show you because he’s like, super super hot.’ And she kind of made this face and was like ‘that won’t make a difference.’”

“No,” he muttered, his face turning even redder.

Anna giggled. “Then show me your face.”

He did so reluctantly; to his surprise, she didn’t laugh. “Kris, you know you are, like, super handsome, right? Seriously.”

“I’m, um, I’m just gonna—“

“I mean it. Like I get why you’re feeling shy about it and stuff but just know that, okay?”

He only nodded, feeling a little better, although his face was still heated. Anna, knowing when to leave well enough alone, smiled at him and continued her story. “Anyway, I told her all that and she just started laughing, and finally when I was done she was like ‘Anna, I’m gay’. And so then I showed her a picture of my sister, and I’m just saying, when we’re back in LA, we’re definitely doing a double date.”

—-

day 15

She didn’t know why she felt so nervous about telling him about it. She’d already texted him that morning telling him what scenes they were filming, and it wasn’t like it had meant anything; it was just part of the movie, and Adam was married anyway— but then again, it wasn’t that part that had really been bothering her. She still wasn’t sure until she was explaining it all to Kristoff, forcing herself to maintain eye contact as she held up her phone inside the blanket nest she’d constructed on her bed.

“And like, he and I are good friends now, so that at least made it easier. And we were all in character and stuff, so, you know, it felt right, and then they started the fake snow going and we just did it, you know?”

“Uh-huh,” Kristoff said, his voice neutral.

“That like— this doesn’t bother you, right?” she asked quickly. “Because seriously, it didn’t mean—“

“Anna, I know. This is literally your job, I’m not jealous or anything. But please tell me if I ever make you feel like I’m mad or something, because I’m seriously not.”

She let out the breath she’d been holding. “I— I know. I just...wanted to make sure. Because it still, like...still felt weird to me, you know? And I can’t figure out why.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Have you done this before? Like, stage kissing and stuff?”

“Oh, yeah, lots of times. But this time felt kind of different. I just don’t know why.”

He considered it for a moment, looking so thoughtful she couldn’t help but smile, feeling a little flutter in her chest at the thought that he really and truly cared about helping her figure this out. “Enough about me, though, tell me about that crazy to-go order you texted me about. Did you end up getting to see the person who’d ordered it?”

They talked for so long Anna lost track of time, until she yawned so widely Kristoff stopped talking mid-sentence.

“Anna, what time is it there?”

“Um...close to eleven?”

“What time did you get up this morning?”

“...four.”

He laughed softly. “Get some sleep. I’ll talk to you again tomorrow morning, okay?”

She wanted to argue, but honestly she’d been fighting to keep her eyes open for the last half hour. “Night, Kris.”

“Night, Anna. Sweet dreams.”

He said that every night, but the way he’d smiled tonight— she was thinking about it until long after she’d hung up her phone and closed her eyes. Then, suddenly, she sat upright and snatched it up again, typing furiously.

figured it out...before, there’s never been someone i ACTUALLY wanted to kiss instead

I wish it had been me, too.

—

day 21

hey kris!!! sorry i know it’s the middle of the night there so i hope this doesn’t wake you up but i set an alarm on my phone for the exact time and as of like 10 seconds ago we’re halfway there!!!!!!! 😊😊😊

To her surprise, a response came just a few minutes later.

:) Knew we could do this.

—

day 23

“I got my class schedule today.”

“Yeah? Show me!”

He held it up awkwardly to the camera, and she squinted at it. “Oh, wow, that’s a lot of blocks. Are you still going to work at Starbucks?”

“Yeah, I’ve been there the whole time I’ve been in school. Just work less hours on weekdays, usually pick up some early morning weekend shifts.”

“Oh, that sucks.”

He shrugged. “It works out. I, uh, I’ve got some scholarships that cover most of my tuition, so then it’s, y’know. Rent money and stuff.”

Anna frowned, feeling suddenly acutely aware of how much money she was making for a lot less work. “Will you have, like...any free time?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” he said quickly, suddenly sounding nervous. “I promise I’ll still have time to hang out with you and stuff, just--”

“No, no that’s like-- shit, that’s not what I meant, Kris, I mean I kind of did but like-- I’m not trying to like, pressure you or--”

“No, I get it, I--”

“No, I mean like school is way important and you like--”

“Seriously, when I say we can--”

Anna took a deep breath. “Okay. You talk first.”

“I, um. I don’t want you to think, like, I won’t make time for you or something, though. Um-- that was all.”

She smiled, wishing she could be there in person; it was so much easier to reassure him when she could just squeeze his hand. “Seriously, that’s not what I meant. I was just worried about you, ‘cause that’s, like, a lot of stress. So if there’s anything I can do to like, help or whatever, just...just let me know. Like...with anything.”

“Seriously, I think it’ll help a ton to just have a pretty girl keeping me company while I study.”

She felt her cheeks turn pink. “What if I end up wanting to distract you?”

Now she wasn’t the only one blushing.

---

day 30

“Miss you.”

“Miss you, too.”

Tonight, there wasn’t really anything else to say.

—-

day 34

He’d stopped leaving his phone on silent overnight; it was silly, really, but he always had a tiny fear that maybe something would happen over in Romania while he was asleep, and maybe Anna would need to reach him, and there probably wouldn’t be anything he could actually do...but still.

Despite that, though, it still took a lot to wake him, so when his phone went off one night close to three in the morning, he nearly missed the call. “Hello?” he mumbled sleepily, putting it to his ear.

He heard a familiar little giggle. “It’s FaceTime, Kris. I’m sorry to wake you up, I just-- I really wanted you to see this.”

“Oh-- hang on.” He fumbled for his glasses on the nightstand, sliding them on and blinking blearily at the screen. “Um...where are you? I just see, like...the ceiling?”

“Oh-- that’s cause I gave my phone to Honey, just a second, and she’ll show you.”

The phone was lifted up suddenly by a pretty woman with bronze skin and dark hair thrown up into a bun. “Nice to meet you, Anna’s boyfriend.”

He wondered if she could see him blush even in the dark room. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Okay, okay, I’m ready!” he heard Anna chirp from somewhere. “Turn the camera!”

Honey did with a laugh, and Kristoff sat upright, his eyes wide. Anna was in a deep blue ballgown that fit perfectly to her torso before flaring out into a long, shimmery skirt. Her hair was down, set in curls that shone especially bright against the dark color of the gown, and she was smiling so brightly he thought his heart was going to burst.

“You look beautiful, baby,” he said, half-convinced he was still dreaming.

She was quiet for a moment, and then he realized she was blushing bright red. He heard Honey giggle, and then the phone was being handed back over to Anna. “You’ve never called me that before.”

“What, beautiful? I definitely--”

“No, I--” Her blush deepened. “Kris, are you wearing a shirt?”

He glanced down. “Oh-- uh, no, I’m not. Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be able to see without the lights--”

A mischievous glint was twinkling in her eye. “Trust me, Bjorgman, there’s nothing to apologize for.”

Now he was blushing, too. “Um-- so you’ve got to be filming something special today, right?”

“Yeah, the big ballroom scene. I just...I really love this dress, and the way Honey did my hair and stuff, and I, um...I wanted you to see.”

He smiled softly. “I’m glad. You really do look so, so beautiful.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but then he heard Honey call, “Hey, Anna, say bye to the boyfriend, they want you on set in five.”

Anna turned back to the camera, looking suddenly nervous. “Kris, are you my boyfriend?”

“Do you want me to be?”

“Yeah.”

He grinned, no longer sleepy. “Okay.”

Anna laughed. “Okay?”

“Hey, it’s still the middle of the night, and I’m still kind of speechless after seeing you in that dress. Cut me some slack.”

“Go back to bed. Sorry I woke you up.”

He yawned. “I’m not.”

---

day 40

“Look! All packed!” She grinned, turning her phone quickly around the room to show off her only slightly overstuffed suitcases. “And ready to come home!”

“Do you think you’ll miss it?”

“No, I mean...it’s beautiful and all here, but it’s still not home.”

Kristoff grinned at that. “You still want me to pick you up from the airport?”

“Um, is that even a question?”

He laughed. “Just making sure! I mean, six weeks is a long time, don’t know if you got tired of me.”

“Kristoff, the second I get back to LA, I’m like, jumping on you again and kissing the fuck out of you.”

He waggled his eyebrows. “And then?”

She could tease him, too. “And then you’d better hurry the hell up and take me back to your apartment so I can show you how much I missed you.”

“....Jesus Christ. Why does waiting two more days suddenly feel so much longer than the other forty?”

#3k words this time #yay yay yay #drtlp #my fics

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dauntless-dragayn · 5 years ago

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liveblogging She ra s3 reactions part 2

time for pain babay!

[ part one ┊ part two ]

episode 4

Oh Boy i can already feel the tonal shift

“The Moment of Truth” WHAT a title

Hordak youre assuming your general will give a fuck

CATRAS BACK

Entrapta: “Ooh you have a wip now?” THE ENTIRE FANDOM WHEN CLIPS WERE DROPPED

this isnt related to anything but Angela’s wings are so pretty 🤩

Oh shit Glimmer just called her out big time

The mural in the background of this scene is pretty

Adora needs a chance to fuck Hordak up and not just rant at him That was satisfying tho Her angry voice / growl, yunno?

no dont go to SHADOWBITCH for help

Why is she lounging in her ‘prison’ wtf

“Let me out.” Ive never heard of a WORSE idea

Uh oh Shadowbitch knows exactly how to appeal to Glimmer

Tag yourself im Bow shaking his head in the background

Oh finally Entrapta finds out the truth, this has bothered me for a while

“Catra was my friend too, but she makes bad decisions!” okay honestly this is a little too relatable - having to watch your friends fuck up their own life because they wont listen to you or reason

YEAHH PRINCESS SQUAD

Mermista telling Shadowbitch to shut the fuck up is iconic

Angela flying through the hallways :0

Fuck im worried about this I dont trust Shadowbitch

Wait “her”? Froggo person is a her? Aiight

I see the Princesses are now occupied and wont be in the way during thematically relevant scenes

CATRA

BOW!! NO DONT LEAVE HIM BEHIND

i dont like.. Glimmer and Shadowbitch working together but I must admit theyre a force to be reckoned with

I do feel bad for Catra tho The last thing she needs is more lies from Shadowbitch

This connection is hurting Glimmer!! >:U

CATRA SHOVING SCORPIA ASIDE JFC

Catra unhinging, thats what we’re watching

The significance of Catra using a taser rn is that thats what she uses to tase Adora when she first defects

So i guess that Catastrophic Event just happened huh

episode 5

wh.. what

HUH?

bitch you did not dream that shit things are NOT perfect

But at the same time its.. so nice to see Catra and Adora getting along

Their flirting .. 💕

“Do you have a concussion or something?” or something..

Lonnie’s voice is so cute ive forgotten omg

“I cant believe you like me, thats so embarrassing for you!” AHH SKDNFJ CUTE

This is like. Fanfic material

Too good to be true tho and also too terrible bc Adora is still trapped in the Horde

Does Regelio just never talk I love them

Shadowbitch treating Catra well? Them not hating each other??? Fake news

“Everything is perfect.” Theres that phrase again

IS THIS FORCE CAPTAIN ORIENTATION

“I do not. Like you.” AT LEAST SCORPIA IS HONEST

“And what kind of name is Adora anyway?” KEHFJFJ IM PRETTY SURE THATS THE FIRST IN-SHOW ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF IT

Who tf is this lizard person with hair in the background

Adora is remembering shit!

this would be so scary i feel rlly bad for Adora

Dissociation be like-

“Everything’s perfect.” STOP SAYING THAT

“Everything will be perfect as long as we stay together.” :(((

This is INSANE

“Its like time and space arent working right” you dont say..

Why is Scorpia the only other person to act like they remember? Besides Catra in that one moment ,,?

“Just go with it okay?” Yeah like thats what youve been doing..

Gonna reiterate: this is insane!

Hahaha Adora and Catra are alone in a closet kiss- Sorry this is all just So Much i needed to break the tension

ADORA JUST TASERED CATRA I- I mean Payback i suppose

She took her with her to the woods aw

“As much as I wish things could be the way they used to be, we can’t go back!” hey im Feeling things

“Dont you get it? Im NEVER going with you!”

FUCK

softly but with lots of emotion: fuck

Why does this old witch lady function in the au

“This happened before with Mara!” o- oh.

Im so confused

This is intense as all fuck “Bow and Glimmer! I need to find them!” love will save the world

CATRA IS ALIVE?! Catra is.. oh god. Oh what the fuck

episode 6

Oh Glimmer and her mom getting along.. havent seen that in a while

OH HE GLIMMER’S DAD IS ALIVE IN THIS WORLD?? OHHHHH

Bow is.. scholarly

Well at least theyre still friends

“Woah you look different than your mural..” lol

Where do I recognize Micah’s voice from??

EKDHFJ THEY STILL DONT HAVE A PRISON IN THIS AU

Glimmer’s outfit is a little different and I dont like it

Adora talking up her friends to prove she knows them is everything

BOW GRABS HIS SHIRT WHEN HE SAYS “THIS ISNT RIGHT”

okay Angela looks fierce as fuck here

How.. lucky that they just warped to Entrapta’s side

Trapped between realities.. uh oh

Whos gonna die in the portal

“That portal is centered on you!” FUCK?

MARA IN THE FLESH KINDA

ADORA CANT SACriFICE HERSELF BITCH

her friends monologuing about her- BEFORE THEY DISAPPEAR I- //WIPES TEAR

i was LITERALLY about to say ‘where’s Catra. this is the perfect time for her to show up.’ Lol. I was right!

HEY ADORA demon version 😬

Catra this is all YOUR fault fuckin hoe

All their past battle spots..

THIS IS INSANE

“I didnt break the world. But I am gonna fix it. You made your choice. Now live with it!” i have. no words

watching Catra disappear still hurt me .

.. ANGELA! Wait Wait Angela No

She cant go

Glimmer would be an orphan

“And now I chose to be brave. Take care of each other.” Im not crying you are Im not crying Adora is I am

That glare at Catra, holy shit

Glimmer didnt even get to say goodbye to her mother. Their last talk was a fight.

Bow pickin up Glimmer!

im gonna cry AGAIN

//whispering/ does that mean Glimmer is queen?

Oh fuck Big Baddie found Etheria

FUCK!

FUCK ME UP.

I was not prepared for this at all

anyway UH. if any of yall wanna yell with me feel free to respond or send an ask or a message or whatever. lets suffer together

#She ra #She ra season 3 #spop #SPOP season 3 #she ra season three spoilers #spop spoilers #She ra spoilers #Adora #Catra #Glimmer #Bow #Angela #King Micah #Scorpia #She ra and the princesses of power #the dragon speaks

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marvelbuilt · 7 years ago

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you guys are going to think im a hoe but im gonna list the potential boys in my life. also just like so you dont think im really slutty?? i have never gone the entire way with any of these dates.

andrew - my ex lmao. okay so this is like lowkey never gonna happen but we still see each other and talk and like we have a kitten together so like it’s having a kid lite so we still see each other and the boy he left me for in january after 2 years, broke up with him in a month and we hug and they’re lingering hugs? but again like prolly never gonna happen bc he’s a DISASTER and hooks up with everyone.

dylan - okay lowkey this kid would have probably been my first choice? we started talking and kind of stopped for some reason and then i saw him on grindr when i was home bc he lives closer to my hometown than my school but anyways we’re both like relationship oriented and like our first date went so well?? like he had told me prior to coming that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and i was like okay well i mean im probably not either bc it was kind of like a month or two after andrew but he BOUGHT ME FLOWERS??? and i cooked him dinner and we like cuddled and made out and stuff and it was so nice. he’s part of that school that did 13 reasons why not and he like goes to suicide prevention conferences and he’s going to be going to a different university than me but it’s like technically better than mine and he’s so smart?? and our second date was good as well and idk? i like him so much and we snapchat everyday. but he stopped calling me cutie? and i still call him that and sometimes he calls me “b” but iDEK like i think he’s probably talking to other boys or something and he always avoids when i ask if we can hangout again but hes always working now so idk.

andrew - okay this is another andrew and he lives in the town next to mine and he works at the capital of my state and he like studied political science and our politics are very similar and we are just similar in general. his parents are trump supporters so that’s yikes. also he’s not out to his family at all WONDER WHY and he’s very?? like he plays soccer ALL THE TIME. anyways aside from that, our personalities are very similar and we hung out like 4 times in a row and idk? he’s kinda cheap ngl, but i can’t blame him too much bc we are young still. but anyways all the dates went well and it seemed like we were really into each other. then i had finals so i was like yo i cant hang out until theyre over. and then the week after, i got sick so i didnt want to hang out and then like he was playing soccer all the time? and then he got sick? and now like? ugh he’s the worst texter and i texted him and asked him i did something wrong or anything and he was like no of course not im just busy and soccer and then he did say anything else? like jfc i dont want to do all the chasing so i just havent texted him in like a week or 2 and so i dont even know? like everything was fine but he’s such a boy when it comes to texting i fucking cant

patrick - okay this kid omfg probably never going to happen but i just want to talk about it. so this kid is in my program at school and so we started talking bc grindr and we matched on tinder and he’s cute and really smart. so anyways, the weird thing was that i literally never met the kid and he’s in the same residential college as me and like we’re in the same grade? so ODD right? well anyways i tried to schedule a date about 800 fucking times and he cancelled so many times omfg. like constantly cancelling. and he was really sweet to me and stuff over messaging. so school FINALLY ends and im like okay maybe NOW we can have a date. he cancelled a couple more times and FINALLY he’s like okay sure. so he picked me up from work, which was lowkey nice, but then we went to starbucks and he like?? spent most of the date not understanding why anyone would major in my major and how international relations and arabic are the most important majors and how he’s going to get such a good job and like he doesn’t understand why some things need to be equal and he’s like “ive never voted republican but” and im just like jfc i cant handle you insulting my major. but outside of my major, he was nice enough i guess? he’s hot so there’s that but he then just dropped me off and now he’s in jordan until like august and he’s like “yeah i’ll hit you up when i get back so we can hang out again” LIKE LMAO DONT FUCKING LIE. and he like didn’t respond to my message about adding him on social media after the date so lol this kid is like whatever

skyler - okay skyler was the date i had last night and i just met him last night? and omfg i dont think ive ever met someone more different from me that was still gay? okay so this kid is my age, but he goes to the community college, so i hadn’t met him until just recently. so he’s like? nice af. he’s half-mexican, half-white (this comes into play later) and from a small town. but omfg, we got lots to discuss. so he openly considers himself conservative. said that “if i could choose to be straight, i would be”, said quote “i dont believe in pride parades and i dont fuck with blm” AND IM STRAIGHT CRINGEING and like? i presented my arguments in a civil manner im so proud of myself for not popping off but like he listened and everything but i dont think i changed his mind at all because lol the hardest thing to do ever. anyways, super sweet to me, and very relationship oriented. he gave me a hickey last night whoops luckily it’s on my collarbone so people wont see it. but anyways im really worried that he’s moving too fast at this point? and he like is SO different like he called himself “a manly gay” and im just like fuck off honestly bc that’s so not me and THATS OKAY TO NOT BE A MANLY GAY. and he said he agreed. some of my friends think that maybe i can “educate him” or change his mind. but idk guys this might just be a little too different and im really worried that he mightve voted trump or something and im sorry but i let shit like that ruin relationships bc politics?? it’s my world and i just cant handle people who dont study what i study telling me im wrong about stuff i study? and like if you’re a half-mexican gay man idk how you can be conservative but go off sis be a tree for deforestation. but anyways NOW HE’S TEXTING ME ABOUT A SECOND DATE AND ASKED IF I WOULD GO TO A CLUB? WHICH IS SO NOT MY SCENE. ugh he’s super sweet to me personally but i just think we might just be too different.

SO BASICALLY BOYS ARE JUST SO FUCKED AND I AM JUST LIKE WHAT DO I DO HONESTLY LIKE THE BOYS I LIKE? DONT LIKE ME OR ARE FLAKY AF OR THEY’RE SO DIFFERENT COMPARED TO ME AND I JUST DONT KNOW HOW DIFFERENT I CAN HANDLE PLEASE HELP ME

also i know someones gonna be like “YOU AINT NEED NO MAN” you’re right karen i dont but dating is lowkey fun but now im just conflicted about all of these things i could scream. like i am just getting back out there and seeing where things go and i really dont see what’s wrong with that

#☼ // ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵃᵛᵉᶰᵍᶦᶰᵍ (ooc)#lowkey save me #LOWKEY DONT JUDGE ME #i needed to get this off my chest

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tamiddyinyourcity · 5 years ago

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hes one of those dudes where with glssses on, theyre pretty cute, in a peter parker way, and them off just???? is??? so fucking different????

i guesss their glasses are pretty thick, glasdes cover (yet outline) the entire eye area and sides of his face, so them off really makes it like "bro what, since when are your eyes and cheekbones like that? what the fuck?", and i get astonished.

(I never say that out loud, of course.)

But, he definitely had the face for some modeling potential. Even as an Instagram E-Boy or some shit; homie could really paint his nails black and get contacts and hed literally be swimming in p-

anyway, imma not think of him in that context right now bro.

.....also, whats with exes; and enjoying the fact that sex with others had gone wack when they left?

Like with me and Other Patrick, the blonde one, he was deeeefinitely insecure, for some reason, about the fact that i had been with three other men in the time between our breakup, and his surprise In And Out visit in October, I believe.

But upon hearing that none of the men had any physical stamina, stroke, size, weren't my type, or just flat out that I haven't been having a grand ol time with the weiners ive associated with.....

Nigga was so happy. Or at the very least, contented. And well, hearing that he *tried* to have sex with girls, but describing it as "could not stay hard" and "wasnt attracted to them so i really couldnt".... it was somehow flattering i guess, although sad. It says a lot, if a single man who's finally cut free from monogamy can finally smash puss and gets cold feet at it.....

And before me and Brunette Patrick had our most recent breakup, moments before getting back with each other, we talked.

He talked about attempting Tinder, and "going for anyone with something in their bio to respond to, not based on looks". (Weird flex, but okay.) And described his most positive experience as, "Hey," "Hey", "What's up?", and maybe one more text, before never getting messaged again.....

My normal self: oh :( ouch

That inner part of me that still wanted to date him: sucks to suck, i wanna fuck

And I talked to him about seeing who he referred to as the "Infamous Patrick"..... haha, funny guy.... But, i respect that he knows that guy had a good place in my life as one of the most positive relationships to date.

*outside of ours, but ill just say friends or girls and spitting never ended me and Infamous Patrick's relationship......*

Other than once.... or, twice..... but that's not very relevant, is it?????

Anyways.

And of course, BP was glad as hell to hear that Infamous Patrick, by now, could not live up to his title. I was honest; we kissed, and tried stuff, and it felt.... weird, so I just stopped. And of course all about his aloof and overly noncaring personality, being more bark than bite, hot to trot....

Did i say hot to trot? What the fuck, ew. But it fits, so, im keeping it.

He was too eager to smash, and not as eager to actually have some sort of talk or connection with me. And when confronted, kept making excuses.... I refuse to have any sort of dynamic in my life, where a "good friend" wont ask any information about me at all, and will barely react when told whats going on in my life.....

Fuck you, Patrick.

The.... blonde one, in this context.

You are a t h o t .

...."I'm a man of GOD", I thought, as I deadass left his ass.

Imma pause from writing to jam to this song, relevant ass song. I really did have a bunch of guys contact me.... Flattering; but the thing is, a person of substance, outside of someone being a human cumbucket ready to spill on any cute girl that they meet, is a lot more fun to be around than the one that just wants to smash.

Hell, even when me and Brown Patrick smashed, we had fun. We had talks, cuddled, fell asleep together, watched Murder Party and other movies..... all that. And i felt good with him.

And when he did eventually try a "im not sure ill have time for much more than just strictly sex on weekdays, but maybe the weekends we can hang more?", and i just straight up said "thats not what im looking for", and homie realized QUICK that yes, even with my high ass sex drive and mild disdain over how they get sometimes, that im not just there to get piped.

Plus not gonna lie, if i couldve be out here having completely mindless or emotionless sex at the time...... i could have found people with more stamina that couldve touched my cervix. (Thats when it also became apparent that i liked that guy, if i really was like "sex lasts shorter than a vine and i didnt get to come, but i dont mind, im just here to cuddle with him for an hour or so before work.")

So if its:

Not amazing sex but good hangouts and conversation - good hangouts and conversation = "thats not what im looking for".

So, he got the hint, aaaaand managed to make time for me in the weekdays by finishing his chores early. Healthy, not gonna lie, if honesty lead to him finishing tasks when he wakes up instead of procrastinating, AND he gets to still socialize.

But back to the "post-old-breakup, pre-recent-breakup", makeup story.....

BP, upon hearing how absolutely tragic hanging out with Infamous Patrick had went, couldnt even politely hold in his enjoyment.

Nigga smiled like heeeeell, he was so giddy. I guess it would be amusing, if a guy who's got almost everything you don't, gets rejected by me, since he's not you.... id be flattered too.

Like if someone said, "We almost got (insert famous comedian) here for this show, but we decided you'd be a better headliner", I'd probably tap dance, if I had the knowledge (and shoes) for it.

Anyway, he was ecstatic. He was sliiiiightly not showing it, but it was apparent when he was literally blushing and smiling ear to ear, (and i wasnt even saying it in a "He Ain't You", Chris Brown esque way, i was saying it in a "im devastated, i really liked this guy but its just so different from the passion being there before"..... patrick is a little psychopathic here, lmfao.)

Also, the song She Ain't You sums up the feelings between the two similarly named fellas, but tumblr isnt finding the song for me on here..... so, boo, tomato, then.

Aaaand then Patrick suddenly decides that hearing that means its time to start getting reaaaaally close to my face in his bed, smiling, doing that thing with his eyes he does. (He's a pretty guy, but i doubt he realizes how good he looks sometimes.)

Long story short, we didnt smash.

.......until the next morning, but it was good.

And i suppose there is a little bit of an ego boost, hearing mutually that no one else has been with your boyfriend/girlfriend, in the time you've been gone.

Or having terrible sex. They'll go, "Aw, that sucks", but in their head, screaming "LETS GOOOOOOO" and punching the air in joy.

Since its the excitement of "now do i have a chance?", and the satisfaction of "and even if i don't, cool, sex is going terrible and so is meeting new people.... a win either way."

.....yeah.

It's a shame things didn't work out.

I was venting the other night at the whole breakup recently and thinking, "so when exactly was the point of him losing all romantic feelings for me?"

After the distressed phone call? After the *incident?* Was his mind already made up? Or was he just saying that, to make it easier, for the sake of having space from me or whatever?

I dunno, i guess thats what happened for our very first fight and making up.

I apologized to him, he accepted despite being mildly irritated with me.... Then heard that I had feelings for him before when I had acted out, and he was like "...........Oh", and then spontaneously started to consider restarting a romantic relationship with me.

I really have no idea how his emotions work, in terms of how easily he can choose when or when to not be with a person.....

Anyways.

Continuing off of the other night, basically we chatted some more about things, until it got time to walk him to his car.

He asked me, "So, what about the graveyard hangout seemed like a date?"

"Well, you did ask me to go with you there, almost instantly after telling me I wanted a person who could think of cute dates to take me on...... So it kinda clicked on its own, even if it was wrong."

And somehow despite changing the conversation course several times, he said, "You didn't answer my question.... How did it seem like a date?"

And in the moment, I felt frustrated he was asking, but in present day, i kinda realize this is his way of going, "What kind of dates does she like?", in a way that isnt blatantly telling me he has interest in me yet again, while still being aloof and phrasing it like pure curiousity.

(Which was smart. Since he knew i hated the idea of telling someone how to date me.... phrasing it this way got a much better reception than if he went "well what kind of dates do you want me to take you on?" Its nice i guess. He still wanted to go out with me, but like, found a slick way to get a cheat code for good dates, that he wouldn't have known otherwise....)

So when he asked, I was frustrated, only since I was shocked he couldn't see how from my original answer.... But I pushed through my blushing to go, "Well, i dont know, man, you had asked me to do my favorite thing that i always love to do, (watercoloring,) at a nice and scenic spot for a day, (a graveyard.... but, a nice graveyard with a beautiful view of the whole city,) and, it seemed a little PERSONAL, since i really love scenic views, and like????? It just had everything i liked, so, i kinda jumped to the conclusion myself even though you probably dont know all that about me....."

And I think his brain has went, "Hm, Okay", and jotted notes down, since our next hangout after that was at...... whats the name of that place?

The Docks?

Anyway, it was scenic. It was more his idea, we were originally gonna check out my old job together and id show him their cameras, but he was like "Oh thats right next to the loading docks, can we go over there first?"

Had a jolly ol time telling him stories about the wildest parts of my life, and staring at the ocean, n shit like that.

Aaaaand i recall specifically at one point, we had been sitting down somewhere, watching a big boat drill holes in the bottom of the sea. (We had no idea what they were doing back then, so we sat staring at it, pondering what its function possibly was....)

We talked more. Somehow it lead to BDSM, or more specifically, bdsmtest.org, since I was curious what kind of answers he had.... back when we were actually FWBs, though, heh.

But he decided, "Its a nice sunny day, might as well show her all of my answers on the bdsm kink test she had shown me", and i was surprised, we had a bunch in common.

If he had a kink for "brat taming", then it made sense why he put up with my bitchy comments that day we had the graveyard date, even with losing romantic interest.

Great, now im horny.

Anyways.

That lead to us passively saying I'd be open to trying out certain things with him, if he felt comfortable with that. He said sure, and that he'd think about it and what he'd want to try and whatnot....

Cool.

I didn't have massive feelings about it. I saw it as, "He's told me before that he's only 50% sure about his romantic interest in me, so no need to get my hopes up. Any guy would be happy to smash a girl, so ill see it as that."

But admittedly, even when i was holding back from thinking he'd want anything to do with me....

I did notice him staring at me with a really huge smile, even as I was looking away.

......he didn't do that the last time I had saw him, so my guess is he really did lose feelings with me. Hell, even our post-breakup talk, one where we just talked about our relationship but werent together again, he did that smile he does.

.......and now im kinda tearing up, since.... yeah, its shitty when the dude that always seems ecstatic to see me cant even muster eye contact when i first enter his car.

.....imma get back to the story, or else ill just feel worse.

So we were looking at the waterside, and he was sitting basically almost arms and knees touching side by side with me, and giving me this huge ass stare and grin.

I kept thinking, "I really wanna kiss this man", but..... I wasn't gonna make the first move. He needed to be ready on his own.

Plus, if he did ever make the first move, it would let me know how badly he actually wanted to be with me. If he can get past all the nerves and all of the unsureness of how im feeling, and still go, "Fuck it; i like you", and ask me on a date.

So, i didnt kiss him.

And he didn't kiss me.

..........

But we had one more hangout after that.

We went to a local pizza shop in my part of my city, i think to run errands. I believe this was getting ready for the 1st Halloween Party, so.... yeah, we bought some green hairspray for my Joker costume and had hung out.

I remember that he kept being.... odd, the whole time. Or maybe I was, since I wanted to get burgers at the really nice outside diner down the street, and then he went "how bout we go in here?", to the local janky pizza shop, so i pretended i didnt want a juicy, healthy burger stuffed with moist veggies and mayo.....

....and that i wanted greasy pizza, that would trigger my lactose intolerance.

Needless to say, i didnt eat, and he was odd about it, but i just told him i was glad to be his company.

.....he then kept being on his phone the WHOLE TIME, MAKING TWEETS. Jesus christ man! Youll be salty if i check my phone for the time, but will do this????

I thought to myself, "This isnt what i want.... I cant keep doing this. I want an actual relationship. And its clear hes not into me, from the way he's acting, and the way he never told me if he ever did fully decide he was romantically interested in me or not..... I should move on, but i might just stop hanging with him for awhile till things go easily....."

A.k.a., "if he wanted me, he wouldve been told me. I gotta move on."

We eventually got in his car, and then as he was driving; he got.... nervous.

I asked what was up, and out it came...

"So when we hang out..... should I just try to be as romantic as possible, to make sure you enjoy being with me?"

Did he read my mind???? Oh wow. I was blushing like a motherfucker. My mind was confused as hell. And like...... to be honest, that is a really sweet alternative to saying "I really like you, please date me", or something like that.

Anyways, yeah, we started dating again.

And.... i felt glad.

He kept up on that promise too. Made an effort for me, bought me flowers or my favorite candy when i forgot i even told him that about me, all that.........

I was really happy at the beginning of our relationship.

And modern day, it all ended, since..... no matter what, there was no respect for me being had.

No understanding my perspective, my boundaries, being iffy, excluding me from his friends and putting it off for such a long time...........

It was just so fucking weird.

I don't know if I can forgive him for that.

Especially if he was sooooo mad at me for my reasonings for the first breakup, just to prove all my points for the second one.

.....sad thing is, writing all of this about how he was before put me in such a good mood, remembering how sweet it all was.

And now?

It just ruins it, knowing its all dead and gone.

I.... yeah.

Not sure when he decided all his romantic feelings were gone either, and its not like I can ask him about it. (I can try, but for some reason im respecting HIS boundaries of wanting me to go fuck myself, and just letting him someday see if he wants to contact me first....)

And..... i hate that.

I dont know.

I guess; just to know, how would i handle ever seeing him again?

He'd have to call me himself and explain the sudden reason WHY he'd want to see me, especially after both of us did some mutually atrocious shit post breakup.

A public meeting place, somewhere that we can both leave, and preferably a place that doesn't serve McDonalds Sprite that he could throw on me, in an act of "hyper delayed vigilante karma."

Discussing everything under the sun..... If I did invite someone back into my life, romantic or not, id have to know how things had went for them, their thoughts, and just a check in on their life i guess.

Lots of boundaries. Just.... yeah, some things cant happen again. And simply put, im not expecting him to anytime soon contact me, or even trust me if he ever did.... but it takes time to rebuild trust back. And after the pain of banging him, regaining intimacy with him, and actually thinking things were working, just for things to go terribly....... i doubt id be open to seeing him. He let me down too many times before, i really cant tell someone about my life or even date their ass, if..... its never guaranteed how much theyll show they care. It's really hard to impress a person after you dump them over some shit that they didn't even do....

And yeah.

He was good before, but never perfect.

I shouldn't paint an amazing image of him. He was a typical brown haired white kid with social anxiety, thats really not hard to find, even in a predominantly black city. (Theyre all on reddit, basically, you wont find them doing shit else other than reddit or hiding in their homes or something.)

The cool thing was that he was a marxist, and i genuinely liked those conversations with him. But, its not hard to find a broke person and go "being able to not work would be great" and have an intelligent conversation on the matter.....

And he liked philosophy. But most people do, in a sense. I can find friends online who wanna talk till 5am about that, and it shouldnt really be hard, right? It wont be with a cute guy naked, but itll be someone who doesnt dump me in an idiotic way.

And yeah.

I will be alright.

Its just a shame, i really liked this stupid motherfucker.

Which can be interpreted as....

"Damn, i really liked..... this mother fucker????? Why? Fuck."

"Damn.... I really liked this muhfucker...." (One Wish by Ray J plays in the background.)

And yeah, i liked the guy.

Not ecstatic about this.

My friend said some dumb shit in regards to "he probably still had feelings to an extent even when breaking up", (she meant platonic,) and i really wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up about it. I could care less if he still "cared about me to an extent and had feelings during the breakup", those are clearly doing nothing now... and, he doesnt wanna see me, or speak to me.

And somehow lost feelings for me in under 24 hours.

And i have no fucking idea why.

THATS why im upset. God i really wanna just tell her off, but im gonna be a mature adult, and vaguepost on my spam about it like a normal 19 year old would.

So yeah.

10:11am, talked to Cam. I was hesitant to talk to him for pretty obvious reasons, but he was fine. Said he heard non-conflicting stories of what happened, with differences in who wronged who, (patrick is a fake little shit, and i have a high intolerance to men that cant keep promises, plus, valuable reasons to go back to therapy..... that's all anyone needs to know,) and that he wouldnt be taking a stance.

At least there's that.

I'm just..... not ecstatic about things.

And if Patrick is framing the story where I'm the bad guy.... to an extent, understandable. Before the conk on the head, i have no idea how he was feeling about staying around me, or what.

But that doesnt bring a smile to my face, now, does it?

"Oh, Tamia told me to suck a cock when I uninvited her to my party, a decision that wasnt my ownnnnnn!", is translation for "Tamia got upset with me, since i refused any of her resolutions to the situation, and allowed my friends to dictate what they want over my own wants for my own birthday party.... I caved in to them, she was hurt, and then I wanna push all responsibility off of me and onto her; in terms of "who wronged who"."

I hate his guy, jesus christ.

Anyways, eventually, ill be seeing someone new. Someone that understands me, and wont ever put me in situations where id feel like this.

Where I always have to think, "I never would have done that to him".

"I would have chose differently."

All of that.

I'll see someone new, that values me. Who would never even have friends that control his life so much in the first place, and wouldn't accuse me of being controlling, for pointing out obviously toxic behaviors among those he calls his closest friends around him.

Ideally, someone romantic. Genuinely caring. Can fuck and not jizz before he even gets the condom on. (Yes, that happened before.)

Its a shame that Patrick was almost this person in several ways.... but simply wasn't. He almost was a sweet guy, but all of his bullshit got too much..... Even his Christmas Gift was pre-bought, and had no thought put into it whatsoever, but he had the gall to scoff at my gift as well. Fucking asshole! Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck shit.

Suck my cock, Patrick.

I guess he's just gotta become a distant "what the actual fuck was that" memory. Just like Zack, Zack #2, OG Patrick, John, Crackhead John, whoever..... just far as hell from me man.

I'll forget Azalea even existed, not like i ever met her, despite all the efforts to.

I'll forget about the party, and just replace the memories. What did I do on December 27th? Did i cry and starve for two days straight alone in my house, or did i spend the day drawing, sketching and listening to music? If I gotta replace memories, then, thats just a way to stoo things from getting worse.

I probably will avoid that, though. I prefer all my outlets to be honest about things that happened. And, trust me, its not fun forgetting half a year of my life like previous events caused things to happen for me........

And yeah.

Feels good.

Alright.

I'll see someone new, where dating doesn't have to be a constant cycle of trial and error. Where i don't have to practically have my spam page as a handbook on how to date me, or how i feel about things that i cant really feel comfortable to tell him about.....

(Flashback: that time i made a vent post about one of my "idk her and now im nervous about them being alone together tonight????"/"he really never calls me pretty, i know i am but it takes a toll after some time" posts on my spam, and he saw it, then texted me in the morning the next day, something cute about how he thought that I was beautiful....)

Ah yeah, that stings like hell to remember.

Another flashback: last time we had sex, he could detect that was happening again, and told me all about how beautiful he thought my body was as he had sex......

Whoop whoop, I'm about to get that weird cross combination of horny and sad, yet again.

I hate it! Why did this all have to happen? It was going so well. Or, decent.

......i just cant teach someone how to date me. There's always someone out there who knew shit that he didnt, and wouldn't have to be educated on things like, "dont let grown men spit on your girlfriend and get up in her face if you're literally supposed to defend her", or "don't just keep the peace, if it literally means hiding your significant other, over petty bullshit that you legitimately said yourself, 'is some dumb shit that nobody should even care about', and then shun your girlfriend for being hurt at being excluded.... while not shunning your friends, for purposely deciding to start fights at your fucking birthday over me."

I'll date someone thoughtful, creative, caring. Makes promises that they know they can keep. That aren't trainwrecks of a person, that won't make me feel like shit over things.

And that i probably would like enough to be able to go home, without throwing a sprite in his face, and still feel good about things.

The more i think about things, i dont regret the soda toss. It was just supposed to happen, i guess.

Thats all.

10:39am, gonna go get a pedicure and relax instead of thinking about how i wanna kick someone in their chest today.

And gonna find a therapist in 2020, so that i can be reassured what things are healthy, or toxic, in the new decade by someone else who is unbiased in several different ways....

Thats all.

Peace out.

#me #yep #exes #yikes

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xielians · 7 years ago

Text

i tried ranting elsewhere but like the platform isnt suited for this, bc i need to type a lot of words okay so here under the cut

im just um?? full of emotions idk whAT TO DO

so like, i got hellA worried about this person bc theyve been gone for an entire month. and my anxious worrying self started thinking about really bad things that might have happened bc my mind likes to think of the worst thing first. i mean i constantly have thoughts like that if the person just disappeared after a while. though i usually try to also consider that they just have a life, and maybe graduated from tumblr oR SOMETHING. to reassure me that theyre probably ok

but this time, that way of reassurance didnt really help, bc i really like them so the worrying is the worst. bc whAT IF....

two days ago, i finally pm-ed them, bc i cant stop myself from reaching out. i dont usually do that, bc generally i dont dare to reach out. it might also be that they’re really busy with stuff so i shouldn’t disturb. and esp bc they are a rp partner, and i dont want to seem as though im pushing them for a reply or w/e but

i was legit so worried that i had to send a message.

they didnt respond to the message, but i just checked my rp account and they replied to a thread and now im literally sO RELIEVED I STARTED CRYING FOR REAL?????

honestly idk if they saw my message bc the reply’s timing is kind of uncanny but if it was really bc my message felt like im pushing them for a response, i dont really care this time, bc that made them post, and now i know they’re ok and im just so glad

just clarifying but theres literally no reason for me to be so paranoid, and usually theyre busy with lots of stuff too but i just

idk maybe it was that week of september that made me a little sensitive. ( nowadays i look at my bun and wonder if shes wondering where her brother went. she looked really mad at me earlier. )

ANYWAY rn im just still really feeling the relief that theyre okay, and i want to sort of get this message across to them, without being really creepy bc tbh we’re not sUPER close to each other, but i just really like them a lot. BUT ITS REALLY HARD BC EVERYTIME I TRY TO PHRASE IT, I START TEARING UP

or like maybe i should just pretend that i totally didnt get super worried that bad shit happened to them just bc they werent on the blog for an entire month

its also kind of really funny that i cried bc i worried over absolutely nothing and i usually will share shit like this bc its really dumb, but ISNT IT ALSO REALLY CREEPY FOR A STRANGER TO WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT YOU, and also like i dont want them to feel bad even tho i was the one who pretty much overreacted over absolutely nothing??

im gonna die

i half also want to try to get another forms of contact just so i can check that theyre ok sometimes bc i hate this paranoia but thats also kind of creepy. i hate everything ahgiakhahsjkgdh

#i MEAN i have them on discord but i dont think they check there often!#personal stuff #i hate anxiety and how much i worry about things sometimes #the emotion worry is the root of my problems tbh

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sadrien · 8 years ago

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Ok so YES I love the long distance internet friends au but consider! Long distance wrong number au

honestly anon, thank you so much for this tonight.

i took long distance and made it loooooong distance to the point where it probably doesn’t make sense, but ~~suspension of disbelief~~

texts between adrien and the mystery person (wow i wonder who) are in italics because theyre in french. also i didnt want to bother anyone so ‘numéro inconnu’ is from google translate so im sorry for….that

finally i tried to streamline how i do texts for this just because the way i do texts is usually a lot clunkier? so it looks more like wanna chat but isnt in like….the contact names are still what the other person would see? like when it says pretty boy thats ninos contact name for adrien and—

frick just tell me if its too confusing and tell me how to fix it im really tired

[on ao3 in case the read more is a butt and wont open]

2:51 PM unknown number: Did this work????? unknown number: a;slkdfjadj its me btw unknown number: I mean duh its me who else would it be unknown number: If you screenshot this conversation al I swear to go d Ill kill you

Adrien squints at his phone. Not only does he not know this number, but the text are in French. That’s…unusual. He thinks that it’s a lucky coincidence that his father is from France and insisted he learned the language before replying.

2:52 PM numéro inconnu: I think you might have the wrong number. numéro inconnu: Sorry if my French is bad I don’t speak it often and I write it even less

unknown number: Ohmogd unknown number: IM SOSO RRY IDNT MEAN OT unknown number: AHHHHH I MUSTCE TYPED IT IN WRONG???????? unknown number: Im sorry IM osrry Im sorry Im s orry Im sorry!!!!!!!!!! ; ^ ;

It takes Adrien a minute to translate the texts with the typos. He’s not nearly as fluent as he thought he was. His dad will be thrilled about that. Maybe he needs to mention to Nathalie that starting Chinese has left him a little rusty with his French…

Not that this is going to be a thing. Because it’s not. He’s not going to keep texting some random stranger from— Wait a minute.

2:54 PM numéro inconnu: On the off chance of sounding really stalkery numéro inconnu: (I’m not sure if that’s the right word, I had to use Google Translate) numéro inconnu: Do you live in France?

Yup. That question is just as creepy as it sounded in his head. Adrien spins slowly in his chair as he waits for a response, completely disregarding the homework he needs to have done before he leaves for fencing.

2:57 PM unknown number: Ummm unknown number: I dont know if i should be telling you this random stranger I texted by accident unknown number: But seeing that its a big country unknown number: ANd idk how youd find me to like murder me or something unknown number: Yes. Im from France unknown number: Why??

3:01 PM numéro inconnu: It’s just that numéro inconnu: I live in the United States so… numéro inconnu: I’m trying to figure out how you got a wrong number that…wrong numéro inconnu: That sounded mean I’m sorry!!!!!!!

Adrien puts down his phone and groans. Scaring people off from literally an ocean away. He’s always known he’s not the greatest at socializing but this is some next level shit. He stares at his darkened phone screen for a minute before deciding that whoever he’s been texting is probably extremely weirded out and won’t be replying.

He’s strangely disappointed by that.

And while he could go back to doing physics work, he’s not going to. Because now he’s distracted and he doesn’t really want to be thinking about sound waves right now. Maybe in like fifteen minute, because sound waves are cool and add a whole new layer to music that he kind of loves, but not right this second.

The next time his chair spins past the desk, he grabs his phone and pulls up his conversation with Nino.

3:09 PM pretty boy: Have you ever been texted by someone who has the wrong number before?

duuuude: yup duuuude: it was weird af duuuude: didnt turn into a full convo cause they never responded

pretty boy: What did they send?

duuuude: a rad horse painting and the message ‘jen painted another horse’

pretty boy: Ok wow yeah that is kind of weird

duuuude: yeah i didnt respond duuuude: but then the next day they asked about florida?? and flooding??? and were like yo have you seen or called anyone and i was like oh shit i should probably respond because this seems important incase theyre looking for someone

pretty boy: Yeah that sounds like a smart move pretty boy: Did you ever hear back from them

duuuude: nah duuuude: unfortunate too i wouldve loved to see more horse drawings duuuude: anyway that was kinda a random question any reason why you ask?

pretty boy: I got a text from a wrong number pretty boy: From France

duuuude: what the fuck duuuude: bruh international texting fees duuuude: good thing youre rich my dude

pretty boy: Nah it’s ok it was all iMessage

duuuude: bless duuuude: so was it like duuuude: in french

pretty boy: Yup

duuuude: aw man you lucked out duuuude: is it like a full conversaiton??

pretty boy: Idk they haven’t responded in like 15 minutes pretty boy: It was nice while it lasted

duuuude: :/ rip

Adrien blinks in surprise when a notification from the unknown number pops up at the top of the screen. He clicks it immediately, not even reading any of the text before he does.

3:27 PM unknown number: I dont?????? KNow???????????? unknown number: My friend got a new phone and wrote her number on my arm but her writing is always kinda a mess and also I smudged the numbers because IM a mess and I unknown number: Somehow???? unknown number: PLUS I managed to add the us country code????

numéro inconnu: Well I’m pretty sure that’s just a 1 so that’s understandable

unknown number: And any other numbers I needed??? Hwo did I?? unknown number: I don t know how I did it D: unknown number: Ohmy god and I just realized you probably dont want a million texts from a total stranger in a language you barely speak?? unknown number: IM SO SORRY ILL STOP NOW unknown number: YOU SEEM REALLY NICE SORRY FOR WASTING YORU TIME unknown number: OK BYE

3:36 PM numéro inconnu: It’s fine! numéro inconnu: My dad is actually from Paris so I do know French numéro inconnu: I can’t really say I’m totally fluent in it but I spoke it a lot when I was little numéro inconnu: This is good practice! numéro inconnu: And you’re weren’t wasting my time at all, I promise

Good going, Agreste, he thinks to himself. Over enthusiastic and weird. He tries not to think about it too much and goes back to physics. Physics with its constant equations and complex numbers and waves and waves and waves and waves. It gets a little easier when he’s able to connect it to something he knows. He can hear frequency in his music and beats when he tries to tune instruments. He finds his fingers itching to spread across the black and white piano keys and lose themselves in the music.

By the time Nathalie is calling him for fencing, he’s mostly forgotten about the conversation he had with the stranger across the sea. Not entirely, it’s still in the back of his mind, but he’s moved past the disappointment of likely never speaking to them again. While he’s fencing, his mind has no room for those thoughts and he throws them away. He won’t be needing them again.

When Adrien checks his phone after practice for schedule updates from Nathalie or texts about the weekend from Nino, he finds a single text in French at the bottom of his pile of notifications.

He can’t stop himself from smiling as he opens it. He’s not exactly sure what time it is in France right now, he assumes it’s fairly late and doesn’t expect a response anytime soon, but he replies quickly anyway. His reply is short and simple, but he doesn’t know what else to say, so it’ll have to be enough for now.

Maybe this is a one time thing. Maybe it isn’t. He’d like it to be the latter, but right now, he’s just winging it.

4:02 PM unknown number: Well if youre really really sure… I mean I wouldnt be talking to you often obviously!!! But it might be cool to know more about America? Ive always wanted to visit and wow this probably is super weird and Im so sorry for that like this conversation hasnt been weird enough already ahahahhhhhhhhh but um. I just mean to say that if you wanted to maybe keep talking I wouldnt mind?

5:19 PM numéro inconnu: I’d love to keep talking if you want to! :)

#Anonymous #Thanks from the Argo!#adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #nino lahiffe #my fics #i shouldve gone to bed an hour ago i feel like total garbage

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saintkimora · 8 years ago

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ok so i have lots of things to say so im just gonna put it all in one post. its how school has been going, how my relationship w caleb is going, my rpdr pre season rankings, my thoughts on bbcan5 even though i havent watched a single episode, and my progress in botw

so first its school. so i literally failed my orgo test yesterday. i gave up on the last 2 synthesis questions bc i just didnt know what to do so thats like 30 points off right there. i most likely got this other synthesis and a mechanism question wrong so honestly i prob got like a 50. he drops the lowest test grade so i just need to step it up after this but like...rip. i studied but i got all the reactions and reagents and stuff mixed up in my head bc theres so many different things yet theyre all super similar so i just couldnt keep the information straight. so rip to my gpa this semester i guess

today sociology was cancelled so i just had psych and anatomy. i fell asleep in psych and anatomy was boring

so today i had a date w caleb and it was v nice. BUT he asked if we could bring leeann along again!!! like wtf its been not even a week since that disaster of a date and you already want to bring her again??? like he really just does not get it smh but i said yes bc i didnt want him to think i was being difficult. luckily she was busy so she couldnt come anyways

we had lots of fun in the park! he like undid my jeans and started playing w my dick while we were sitting on some concrete block and it felt like i was in one of those porn videos that take place in the woods or something. there was like no one else there obv

he did say one thing that really got me pissed though. and i didnt think too much of it at the time like i was kinda :/ but then when i got home and thought about it some more i got a little upset about it. he called me on the phone to talk as usual and i told him about it and he felt really bad about it. he didnt think much of it in the moment but after i told him it bothered me i could tell he felt really bad and honestly? good! i hope he did feel bad about it bc he was being a dick for absolutely no reason

also i found out the stuff with alex! and like its so weird bc caleb has previous interactions with like 4/6 of the other guys ive been with. so ya apparently they both worked at mpowerment together and caleb just didnt like him lol. so today alex sent me a friend request on fb and followed me on insta bc he found both bc hes friends with/follows caleb on both things. and caleb posted a pic of me on insta w a bf goal type quote but once again it was NOT a good picture of me!!! i looked sooooooo pale bc of the lighting and my facial expression idek

so i saw alex liked the pic and THEN tonight during our phone call caleb told me that alex messaged him on fb asking if him and i were together and caleb was like yeah and alex didnt respond so caleb asked why he was asking and alex just replied with “...” like he really is cracked! idk if hes like offended or something but like idk why he would think he has any chance with me after ive literally ignored like at least 10 total texts/messages/etc from him! like smh every time i think hes finally given up he tries to come back into my life like it was a one night thing stay away! *naomi campbell/naomi smalls voice* check your asshole before you come and talk to me

so yeah. that all w that. caleb wants to take me to the movies on saturday for our next date. but also another issue im starting to have is that caleb is starting to talk a LOT about eating my ass and fucking which is getting on my nerves bc i told him that it will be a while before we get to fucking and he keeps bringing it up its like being w freddy all over again

anyways. heres my final rpdr s9 pre season rankings

KIMORA >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> aja > shea >>>>> valentina > eureka > peppermint > alexis > nina > jaymes > trinity > sasha = farrah > charlie

literally the only 3 i actually like and am interested in are the first 3. valentina i dont like that much but i feel like im gonna end up ironically liking her. the middle ones idc and sasha farrah and charlie get on my nerves. alexis was in my top 3 when the cast was first revealed but after seeing some other stuff on her idk i dont think i like her. aja moved up to second bc shes funny on twitter. kimora is my fave obv. shea i like but im kinda worried shes gonna get a boring edit

and now for bbcan5! the only bbcan season ive seen is 3 but i am officially team ika and gary! idk which one i like more but those are my top 2. sindy is 3rd karen is 4th and i guess cass is 5th. i didnt like her on s4 but from what ive seen this season i think i like her. idc about the rest. tbh i dont plan to watch a single episode i just want ika gary or sindy to win

now for zelda botw. i just finished the vah medoh quest. so i have 2/4 divine beasts done and im going for the gerudo one next. im just hoping to finally find some cute armor in the gerudo town bc i am sick of only finding ugly clothes! for the map i think i just need 1 more tower to finish it. i also killed my first guardian today which was satisfying but not really bc i didnt even know what i was doing bc it all happened to fast lol. ive also been kinda reckless w my horses bc i wanna see what happens in one dies but they are resilient! my horse accidentally got hit w the blast from a bomb arrow when i was trying to hunt and it caught on fire and still survived! i dont wanna straight up kill it bc thats weird but i want one of these horses to die already! i feel like it would add some drama. so ya my main focus rn is just exploring while slowly doing the divine beast quests

#personal

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annaxkeating · 6 years ago

Text

Increase Your Landing Page Speed (By Stealing Our Homework)

If you’ve read Unbounce’s 2019 Page Speed Report (and you really should), then you already know why speed is so important this year. Slow-loading landing pages have always been an obstacle to higher conversions, and now Google is punishing poor mobile load times in its search rankings. To be successful in 2019, we—marketers—need to be thinking fast. But are we?

To find out, we polled almost 400 marketers on their attitudes around page speed and asked what (if anything) they were doing to get faster.

Just 56% of marketers are happy with their mobile load times, according to the 2019 Page Speed Report.

Almost three of every four respondents said they had taken steps to improve their page speeds over the last year, and that’s pretty good. Alarmingly, though, only half of marketers we surveyed are satisfied with their load times on mobile.

So most marketers are trying to get faster, but many aren’t where they want to be. Which begs the question: what are people doing to speed up their landing page load times?

Computer, enhance!

Only 39% of marketers have bothered to find out how fast their pages are actually loading. Not great.

Here, we start to see why marketers are somewhat pessimistic about their page speed progress. Just over half have optimized their landing page images—ostensibly one of the simplest ways to speed up your load times—and even fewer have done any of the real technical-sounding things they need to get faster. (I mean, fair, they sound pretty boring to us, too.)

Here’s a doozy, though: just one in three marketers have run a website speed test to find out whether their load times are impacting their conversions. That’s the easiest one!

And hey, we get it. Marketers are being asked to do more than ever before, often with fewer resources. If you’re a small team (or a single person, the smallest of the teams), you might feel you don’t have the time or expertise to meaningfully improve your page speed.

But I’ve gone and done the hard work for you—me, a film school graduate who, until recently, believed that his Apple computer was impervious to viruses. (Hoo boy, it is not.) I’ve spent hours talking to Unbounce developers, reading how-to guides, and generally just bombarding my brain with the most dull, technical page speed information I could get ahold of. (Apologies to said developers.) And if I can get my head around it, there’s no excuse for the rest of you.

Below, I’ve simplified some of the most effective ways to increase your landing page loading times in a guide. For each fix, I’ve indicated the technical difficulty and the estimated time it’ll take, so you know exactly what you’re getting yourself in to. Use the table of contents below to jump to what’s relevant to you, or go ahead and do it all in order.

Jump to a Landing Page Speed Fix

How to Check Your Landing Page Speed

Run a Google Speed Test (5 Minutes)

Try the Unbounce Landing Page Analyzer (5 Minutes)

Improve Your Landing Page Speed: Easy Fixes

Reduce Your Page Content (15 Minutes)

Optimize Your Images (30 Minutes)

Host Your Videos Elsewhere (30 Minutes)

Audit Your Hosting Solution (30 Minutes)

Implement a CDN (30 Minutes)

Improve Your Landing Page Speed: Intermediate Fixes

Minify HTML, JS, and CSS (15 Minutes)

Enable Browser Caching (15 Minutes)

Set Up GZIP Compression (15 Minutes)

Kill Needless Scripts and Plugins (30 Minutes)

Convert Images to Sprites (30 Minutes)

Improve Your Landing Page Speed: Hard Fixes

Remove Render-Blocking JS and CSS (45 Minutes)

Start Hand-Coding with AMP

Final note: If you’ve built your page with Unbounce, you can skip a lot of this stuff—we make many speed fixes on the back-end automatically. In this post, look for the ‘Building Pages in Unbounce?‘ callout boxes to see if a given fix is something you need to implement.

Look for these callout boxes throughout this post to get Unbounce-specific tips and learn how we automatically optimize your landing pages to make them load super fast.

How to Check Your Landing Page Speed

First things first.

Before you throw on your hard hat and start hitting things with a hammer (both figuratively and literally), it’s important to have some idea of what’s working—and what’s not—on your landing page. That means running a speed audit.

It’s important to point out that, regardless of which speed test you use, you don’t want to get too hung up on your score. Achieving a perfect score is not always technically possible (and it might not even be desirable). Instead, use your results as a general guideline to improve page speed and implement the fixes that make sense for you.

Okay—let’s test them pages.

Run a Google Speed Test

Difficulty: Easy / Estimated Time: 5 Minutes

There are a bunch of great tools for testing your page speed, but why not start with the big dog itself? Google’s PageSpeed Insights is an awesome way to do a quick performance check-up with at-a-glance recommendations. (Ryan Engley, Unbounce’s VP of Product Marketing, explains how to interpret and act on your PageSpeed Insights results in this must-read blog post.) Then there’s Lighthouse, a newer tool from Google that provides a comprehensive analysis of your how your page presents to end users.

You’ll also want to run your page through Google’s Test My Site tool, which will check your speed from a mobile perspective.

Clicking on individual results in PageSpeed Insights will reveal your problematic page elements.

Running a Google speed test should only take a couple of minutes, and the results will help you identify some of the top opportunities to boost your landing page load times.

Try the Unbounce Landing Page Analyzer

Difficulty: Easy / Estimated Time: 5 Minutes

Running a speed test with Google should be your top priority, but PageSpeed Insights doesn’t give results tailored to landing pages. For that, you’ll want to run your page through the Unbounce Landing Page Analyzer, which not only provides feedback on page performance but includes a bunch of advice on creating more effective campaigns and kicking your conversions into overdrive.

Unbounce’s Landing Page Analyzer provides feedback on page speed, but also actionable advice on things like SEO, message match, and mobile-friendliness.

Building Pages in Unbounce? Then you’ll definitely want to give our Landing Page Analyzer a shot. Get best-practice recommendations for conversion optimization and see how your landing pages stack up against others in your industry.

Improve Your Landing Page Speed: Easy Fixes

With your results from both Google and Unbounce, you’ll be well-equipped to move onto the actual work of making your page perform better. It’s time to pick up that hammer.

These fixes should be simple enough for anyone to tackle, regardless of their technical expertise.

Reduce Your Page Content

Difficulty: Easy / Estimated Time: 15 Minutes

We’ve marked this as an easy opportunity to increase your page speed, but it probably won’t feel like that when you start thinking about which elements on your page you can junk. Marketers love big hero shots, beautiful supporting imagery, and fun, animated explainer videos. But how much of that content is actually helping you drive conversions?

Visual content accounts for a huge portion of the size of an average web page—images account for over 20% of web page weight, as pointed out by Kinsta—and each element creates an HTTP request. That’s when your visitor’s browser pings your web server to request the files that make up the elements of your page. Too many calls can be a serious drag on your load time, so one of the simplest ways to improve your page speed is cutting down the number of elements you include.

Look at each piece of content on your page critically, then ask yourself: “Does this spark joy?” “Does this increase conversions?” If you don’t think there are pieces you can toss, try running an A/B test with a slimmed-down version of the page. The results might surprise you.

Bottom line: stick to the fundamentals of good landing page design and try to keep the number of elements (and thus HTTP requests) to a minimum.

Building Pages in Unbounce? We recommend that you keep things pretty lean, but we’d never remove content from your landing page. (Must resist… desire… to do best practices…) This is one optimization that you’ll have to tackle on your own.

Optimize Your Images

Difficulty: Easy / Estimated Time: 30 Minutes

Once you’ve trimmed some elements from your page, you’ll want to optimize the content that made the cut. Poor image optimization is the most common reason for slow page loads, especially for mobile visitors. Fortunately, it’s also one of the easiest issues to fix.

These are some quick tips for shrinking your images and improving your page speed. The goal here should be getting images at least under 800kb, but the smaller we can make them, the better.

Resize your images

It’s easy to chuck a larger image onto your page and rely on your content management system (CMS) to compress it to the appropriate size, but it’ll still be loading at least some of those extra pixels on the back end, and your visitors are going to feel it in the load. When you add an image, make sure it’s the same dimensions that your page will be rendering it.*

*This doesn’t necessarily apply to Unbounce’s retina image support—read up on that here.

Choose the right file type

Most people don’t think too much about the format of the image they’re uploading, but it can have a dramatic effect on page performance. The file types you’re probably most familiar with are JPEG and PNG—and, yes, there are differences.

JPEG is a ‘lossy’ format, which means it’ll lose some data during compression. That typically gives you a smaller file, but it can come at the expense of visual fidelity. Generally, images with significant color variation (say, photographs) perform better as JPEGs, and any dip in quality can usually go undetected.

PNG is ‘lossless,’ so the image’s appearance won’t change when resized, but it tends to make for larger files if there’s significant color variation. PNG is ideal for simple images with defined shapes, like those with text. Saving PNGs in 8-bit (rather than 24-bit, which has a broader color palette) can help shave off some extra bites.

Here are some optimization tips for JPEG and PNG (and GIF, that villain) from Google itself.

Use compression tools

Before your weigh-in, it’s good to run images through a final round of compression. There are plenty of image compression tools on WordPress, as well as some free, standalone ones like TinyPNG. These shrinky gizmos offer a simple way to cut down your image sizes without braving the cursed labyrinth that is Adobe’s export settings. (Hey, I’m a words guy.)

Your takeaways here are:

Ensure your image dimensions match how they’ll actually be displayed

Use JPEG when a slight dip in visual fidelity isn’t the end of the world (like photography), but PNG when it is (images with text and sharp lines)

Compress images to keep the file size as tiny as possible

If you want to take a deeper dive into image optimization, we recommend that you check out this post from Search Engine Land, which goes into detail on making images smaller while keeping them beautiful.

Building Pages in Unbounce? We’ve got you covered. Unbounce’s Auto Image Optimizer shrinks your images as soon as they’re uploaded so you can focus on making the best landing page possible.

Host Your Videos Elsewhere

Difficulty: Easy / Estimated Time: 30 Minutes

Why carry something yourself when you can make someone else carry it for you? That’s my motto for landing pages and life, and it’s why I’m no longer welcome on Unbounce’s company hiking trips.

Hosting videos on your own domain can be great for SEO purposes, but that’s not usually our goal with landing pages. We want everything to load in a flash and give our visitors the best chance to convert. Depending on your hosting solution, though, your videos might be slowing down your page speed, suffering from playback issues, and taking up an uncomfortable amount of server space.

Done properly, transferring videos to a third-party platform can shed some extra load time and help your pages render faster. Consider moving video content to Wistia, YouTube, or Vimeo, then using a light embed technique so that your videos only load heavier playback elements when your visitors actually click on them.

Building Pages in Unbounce? As a disclaimer: Using light embed codes with Unbounce (or any custom code, for that matter) will require some technical knowledge to implement and could, in rare cases, cause issues. Check out this Unbounce community post for more information.

Audit Your Hosting Solution

Difficulty: Easy / Estimated Time: 30 Minutes

Loading speed isn’t just determined by what’s on your landing page. Your web host also has a major influence in how quickly your page rolls out to potential customers.

There are three common models for web hosting:

Shared hosting Generally the most affordable solution, shared hosting is when your website is hosted alongside other sites on a single web server. Everyone draws from common resources (like storage space and processing power), which means—you guessed it—you need to share.

Virtual private server (VPS) hosting This is essentially a mix of both shared and dedicated hosting. With VPS, your website still shares server space with others, but you’ll have dedicated resources that no one else can dip into. The result is more power and flexibility, but it tends to come with a higher price tag.

Dedicated hosting For those who’ve had a traumatic roommate experience (who hasn’t?), dedicated hosting means your website has the server all to itself. More resources, no sharing. That’s great if you’re heavy on digital content and get a ton of traffic, but dedicated hosting is also the most expensive option and requires the technical know-how to set up and maintain your server.

Low-volume websites can generally get by with the cost-effective shared solution, but once your traffic starts to rise, you might not be getting enough juice from your web host to deliver content quickly—and that’s when load times start to suffer. (Give this post from Search Engine Journal a read for a more comprehensive explanation.)

It’s also important to note that the whereabouts of your web server can have a significant impact on your page speed. If you’re not using a content delivery network (CDN; more on this below), you’ll want to make sure that traffic from foreign countries isn’t encountering too much latency.

Think your hosting solution might be impacting your page speed? Run your site through a server speed test like this one from Bitcatcha, and use WebPageTest or Pingdom to see how your quickly your landing page loads in other countries. Depending on the results, you might decide it’s time to upgrade your hosting plan (or change web hosts altogether).

Building Pages in Unbounce? You don’t have to worry about this one—Unbounce’s global hosting solution boasts 99.95% uptime and ensures that your landing pages always have the necessary resources to load super fast.

Implement a CDN

Difficulty: Easy / Estimated Time: 30 Minutes

When your landing page gets a visitor, their web browser pings your server to get the content necessary to build out the page. Simple, right? Everyone downloads your website information from the same place, regardless of their location around the world. Well, that’s usually fine if the visitor is in or close to the country that your web server is located, but when they’re halfway around the globe, chances are they’re going to encounter some latency.

To avoid that, you should look into deploying a CDN, which caches your website across a network of data centers and proxy servers all over the planet. Say your own server is in the United States and someone from Lithuania is trying to visit your landing page. Instead of downloading your content from across the Atlantic, that visitor can pull a cached version from a server nearby.

Setting your website up with a CDN is pretty straightforward and—depending on your traffic—generally affordable. Here’s a list of some popular CDN providers from Mashable.

Building Pages in Unbounce? We’ve got five global data centers supporting the Unbounce CDN, which means your landing pages will load in a flash regardless of where they’re being accessed from.

Improve Your Landing Page Speed: Intermediate Fixes

These next speed fixes are a little trickier, but they should be manageable for marketers with a little technical know-how. Still, a mistake here could mean actual damage to your landing page.

Our recommendation? Do some research, make a backup, and—if you can—consult briefly with a developer on your team. It never hurts to have an experienced colleague to turn to if you get in over your head.

Building Pages in Unbounce? We talk a lot about WordPress through this next section. If you’re using our plugin to publish Unbounce landing pages to a WordPress domain, some of these recommended speed fixes can actually cause technical issues. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us for clarification if you’re ever unsure.

Minify HTML, CSS, and JS

Difficulty: Intermediate / Estimated Time: 15 Minutes

All those lines of HTML, CSS, and JS code that make up your landing page? They’re packed with spaces, line breaks, and other bits of formatting that make it more legible and easier for us to interpret, but each makes your load time just an eensy bit slower—and the web browsers your visitors are using to render your page don’t particularly need them.

With minification, the goal is to cut out all of that extra junk and condense your code so that browsers can read it faster. Here’s an example snippet of Javascript code from Wikipedia:

var array = []; for (var i = 0; i < 20; i++) { array[i] = i; }

After minifying, that code would look something like this:

for(var a=[i=0];++i<20;a[i]=i);

There are plenty of free online tools that will do this for your landing page, like Minify Code, as well as a bunch of WordPress plugins. Be sure to check out this post from Elegant Themes, which is an awesome resource that dives into the many options at your disposal.

Building Pages in Unbounce? Do we minify? We practically invented minifying. (Editor’s note: We did not.) Unbounce compresses all of your code automatically, making your landing page as slim as can be. No coding your pages from scratch and no minifying that code in the background? We’re making this too easy for you.

Enable Browser Caching

Difficulty: Intermediate / Estimated Time: 15 Minutes

The goal with any landing page should be getting prospects to convert the first time they visit, but the reality is that not everyone will. Sometimes, visitors will need some time to think about it: they’ll bounce, do more research, check out some competitors, then come back to your original offer. Browser caching ensures that when they return, your page will load even faster—and that’ll make them more likely to convert.

Not sure if you’ve already got caching enabled? Before you start, run a quick caching check using a tool like this one from GiftOfSpeed.

If your site is built on WordPress, enabling caching is as easy as adding a plugin.* (WordPress is almost too easy, huh?) Check out this list of caching plugins, most of which include quick instructions for getting set up.

*If you’re publishing Unbounce pages to a WordPress domain, these caching recommendations could create big problems. Check with us first.

For those not on WordPress, enabling browser caching on your own is pretty simple if you’re willing to get your hands dirty. For example, on Apache web servers, it comes down to inserting a little bit of code into the .htaccess file on your web host or server: <IfModule mod_expires.c> ExpiresActive On ExpiresByType image/jpg “access 1 year” ExpiresByType image/jpeg “access 1 year” ExpiresByType image/gif “access 1 year” ExpiresByType image/png “access 1 year” ExpiresByType text/css “access 1 month” ExpiresByType text/html “access 1 month” ExpiresByType application/pdf “access 1 month” ExpiresByType text/x-javascript “access 1 month” ExpiresByType application/x-shockwave-flash “access 1 month” ExpiresByType image/x-icon “access 1 year” ExpiresDefault “access 1 month” </IfModule>

This article from Varvy provides a great how-to, as does this one from WinningWP (which discusses enabling browser caching from a WordPress perspective but is applicable more broadly).

If all of this makes you nervous, there’s likely a simpler method for you to set up browser caching. Most web hosts will enable caching for you if you ask. Depending on your hosting solution, it might be as easy as making a phone call. (Although, now that I think about it, that might be more daunting for some of us.)

Building Pages in Unbounce? Seven-day browser caching is enabled on all Unbounce-built landing pages, so this is a speed fix you can comfortably skip. Maybe use this free time to treat yourself to some self-care? You’ve earned it.

Set Up GZIP Compression

Difficulty: Intermediate / Estimated Time: 15 Minutes

When a visitor reaches your landing page, their browser pings your web server to request the files that make up the page and the server transmits them back. Naturally, that process moves faster if the information being sent is compressed to be as small as possible. Here’s where GZIP compression comes in.

(You’ll want to check to see if GZIP compression is already enabled before you get started.)

As with browser caching, the difficulty of setting up GZIP compression is going to be determined by how your website was built. If you use WordPress, you’re in luck: many WordPress plugins will enable GZIP compression for you almost automatically. If you don’t use WordPress, well, we’re headed back into your server.

This article from GTmetrix provides a quick overview of the importance of GZIP compression and how to enable it. With Apache web servers, you’ll need to add this chunk of code to your .htaccess file. <IfModule mod_deflate.c> # Compress HTML, CSS, JavaScript, Text, XML and fonts AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/javascript AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/rss+xml AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/vnd.ms-fontobject AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font-opentype AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font-otf AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font-truetype AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-font-ttf AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/x-javascript AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/xhtml+xml AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE application/xml AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE font/opentype AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE font/otf AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE font/ttf AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE image/svg+xml AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE image/x-icon AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/css AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/html AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/javascript AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/plain AddOutputFilterByType DEFLATE text/xml

# Remove browser bugs (only needed for really old browsers) BrowserMatch ^Mozilla/4 gzip-only-text/html BrowserMatch ^Mozilla/4\.0[678] no-gzip BrowserMatch \bMSIE !no-gzip !gzip-only-text/html Header append Vary User-Agent </IfModule>

And again, if this is beyond your comfort zone, your web host will probably help you set up GZIP compression if you ask nicely.

Building Pages in Unbounce? You don’t have to ask us nicely, because we’ve already done it. All Unbounce landing pages are automatically compressed during data transfer. (But be nice to us anyway, alright?)

Kill Needless Scripts and Plugins

Difficulty: Intermediate / Estimated Time: 30 Minutes

WordPress is wonderful in its simplicity. As we’ve seen throughout this article, page speed fixes that might require a front-end developer on a static website can often be achieved by simply installing a WordPress plugin. Want to enable browser caching? Boom, W3 Total Cache.* Need to minify your scripts? Pow, Autoptomize.* Developer, shmeveloper.

But because it’s so easy to add functionality through plugins, WordPress websites have a habit of collecting a lot of them—along with all the of the bits and bites of code that make them work. Those add up.

Take a look at the scripts and plugins you’ve added to your website and decide whether they’re essential to your visitor experience. If they’re not, junking them could help cut some extra seconds off of your load time. (And guess what? There’s a plugin for that.) You can also disable plugins one at a time, then retest your page speed to determine which ones are problematic.

*If you’re publishing Unbounce pages to a WordPress domain, these plugins in particular might start a fire.

Building Pages in Unbounce? This is more of WordPress fix, but it also applies to Unbounce customers that have inserted a bunch of custom scripts onto their landing pages. Learn how the Unbounce Script Manager helps you keep things tidy.

Convert Images to Sprites

Difficulty: Intermediate / Estimated Time: 30 Minutes

If your landing page includes a series of similar-sized images (say, for a client logo bar), you can shorten your load time by combining them into an image sprite, then use CSS to display specific chunks of that sprite at a time. This post from WebFX provides a great step-by-step guide for creating CSS sprites.

Joining smaller images into a larger file might seem counterintuitive, but again, the idea here is to reduce the number of HTTP requests on your page and ultimately make it faster. Each individual image requires its own call—combining images into a single CSS sprite means your page only needs to make one.

Building Pages in Unbounce? We don’t build CSS sprites for you, but you can certainly use them on your Unbounce-built landing pages. Check out our documentation on custom JS and CSS with Unbounce.

Improve Your Landing Page Speed: Hard Fixes

We’re into the scary stuff now.

These are fixes you should absolutely not attempt unless you know what you’re doing or you’ve consulted extensively with a front-end developer. (We even had one of the Unbounce devs fact-check this article, and we’ve never felt smaller.) Proceed with caution.

Remove Render-Blocking JS and CSS

Difficulty: Hard / Estimated Time: 45 Minutes

Those CSS and JS scripts that make your landing page beautiful and enable cool, dynamic functionality? They could be one of the major reasons that your page is loading so slowly. (Bad news for my flashing, neon visitor counter.)

When a web browser runs into CSS or JS in the head of your document, it’ll wait to download and process that content before continuing to render your page’s HTML. That might sound like a good thing from a user experience perspective—after all, we want people to see our landing page as it was intended—but it actually means that visitors can be left waiting on a blank screen while everything loads in the background.

To avoid this, we need to implement techniques for preventing render-blocking CSS and JS on our landing page. (Refer back to your Google PageSpeed Insights results to check if any scripts are slowing down your page load.)

Reduce render-blocking CSS

There are a couple of ways that we can neutralize render-blocking CSS. One option is to defer all CSS until after the HTML has loaded. That’ll certainly improve page speed, but it will also present non-styled content when the visitor first reaches our page. Not ideal.

The other, more preferable option is to defer most style rules until the HTML has been rendered, but inline the CSS necessary to correctly display content above the fold within the HTML. That way, visitors will see the properly-styled content as soon as they hit the page while the rest will load out of view. Pretty sneaky. This is a great tutorial using a real-life example from codeburst.io.

Another page speed opportunity for you here is combining your CSS files. By moving your style rules from several files to just one (or maybe two, tops), you can reduce the number of times that visitors need to ping your web server and improve your landing page load time. Here’s a good resource from GiftOfSpeed on combining and compressing you CSS scripts.

Eliminate render-blocking JS

Like CSS, JS scripts can prevent your landing page from rendering as quickly as you might like. We can avoid that by deploying the defer and async attributes. The former tells the browser to wait until your HTML is rendered before it begins pulling in JS scripts, while the latter asks that JS be downloaded simultaneously without interrupting the HTML download.

An important note is that not all JS scripts are equal: some are critical to the rendering of your page and need to be addressed right out of the gate, so they’ll have to stay at the top. Dareboost does a good job of explaining how to distinguish between critical and non-critical JS, as well as how to implement deferred and asynchronous loading.

Building Pages in Unbounce? Unbounce optimizes for most Google PageSpeed Insights recommendations, including the removal of render-blocking elements. That means you can skip this one.

Start Hand-Coding with AMP

Difficulty: Very Hard / Estimated Time: ∞ Hours

Alright, “∞ hours” is an overstatement, but implementing AMP is no small task. Developed by Google, the AMP project is an entirely new framework with which to build your web pages. The goal? Dramatically improve page speed, especially for mobile users.

AMP is made up of three core components: AMP HTML, AMP JS, and AMP Cache. That means you’ll need to learn new markup, as well as understand the framework well enough to get your landing pages validated and make sure they actually work.

We won’t get into the nitty-gritty of building with AMP here, but the AMP website has a bunch of resources (including tutorials) to help you get started.

Building Pages in Unbounce? No hand-coding AMP pages for you—Unbounce makes it easy to drag and drop together AMP experiences. Choose one of our AMP-optimized templates, load your content, get validated, and start publishing lightning-fast landing pages right away.

Improving your landing page speed can sound intimidating, but even small tweaks will make a big difference for your load times. Tackle the easy stuff first, then move onto more challenging fixes as you get comfortable. And above all, keep testing: seeing your improved speed results after each undertaking will give you the confidence and motivation to move forward.

Or, you know, just build with Unbounce. We automatically handle most of the speed fixes listed (or at least makes them super easy), which saves a ton of time. That means you can focus on what matters: getting more conversions and improving ROI.

from Digital https://unbounce.com/landing-pages/increase-landing-page-speed/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

#digital marketing

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survivekohsai · 6 years ago

Text

Episode 10 - I’m So Dumb ~ Bryce

Okay I love an instant tribal! SIKE. I was in the car having to just yolo what was happening. I voted linus and was right so iconic! I need to make sure eric knows I didn't vote him so that we can work together. Jackson wanted linus gone and Richie wanted Eric gone so I had to choose a side. I went with voting linus because I thought that it would let me be closer to trixie and quillynn that way and possibly take a shot at regan because i was afraid her and linus were close. Now I need to make sure to work with Richie tho so that we're close and actually maybe vote eric idk? Theres a lot of power players and atm Jackson is my partner but he could be playing everyone. I still have my idol at f7 which is so fun only two more oppurtunities to use it so I might be targeted. Me Eric Jackson Trixie Quillynn all have our idols i think maybe regan too. SO its awk I think Im playing my idol next time or I need to make a strong 4. I think that I can get richie I just need to see who voted who in this round. I think the eric votes were richiex2 and regan and linus. so everyone else didnt vote that way. Also richie played his idol because regan didnt respond to him so maybe they arent as close as i thought they were.

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my nine-and-a-halfth confessional. I'm writing this after the instant tribal because it was wild and I know Rob is thirsting for the details 👀 So at the first tribal, everything went the way I had hoped. RTP went home (although not before dropping another vote my way, I wonder if he hates me lol) and Richie wasted his idol! Woo! My purposely acting super fake worked. I waited hours to respond to his messages and then acted super overly nice like I was planning to blindside him and he bought it. I love reverse snakeology ! So then Rob finally dropped the bomb on us that the lists we had submitted of who we want voted out most to who we want out the least were for an instant tribal. We only got thirty minutes to decide who to vote out (and everybody who wasn't around voted based on their list), with Regan being immune since she got the burger from the survivor auction. So I hit the ground running. I immediately hit up Quillynn and Trixie and floated the idea of taking Linus out. It was the safest option, and if Richie's envelope advantage turned out to be a clue to another idol, it was best to not go for him on such short notice. Then I was approached by Bryce and Richie, and I was able to get Richie to admit to me that his advantage was actually a double vote. I didn't want to believe it 100% until he actually played it, but fortunately he did so in his effort to blindside Eric, which I eventually decided not to be a part of. Eric was super extra on the live tribal and I think he's rubbing people the wrong way (including Rob oop) so he's a good person to bring farther into the game I believe. In the end, Linus was voted out 5-4 (with the votes for Eric being from Linus, Richie's doublevote, and Regan who went by her list), and I'm pretty satisfied. I would've been happy if Eric played his idol but I think we can make it work next round. I hadn't forgotten about Linus' flipping on Akito (who I would've taken to the final 3 in a heartbeat) and it felt good to give it right back to him. Okay that's about all that happened on my end, I'm ready to try to get that immunity necklace back. Byeee

okay so im a fucking mess in this game.... i played my idol and wasted it because there was some mysterious figure going around throwing my name out.. everyone but jackson came to me and said that my name was being thrown out and regan told me that she was told to tell rtp my name so clearly shit is going down but before the vote i hadnt heard from regan when i confronted her about rtp telling me that regan threw my name out so i was paranoid and i played my idol and it was dumb because hi instant tribal 2 minutes later!!! the instant was terrible because only me, jackson, eric, and bryce were online so trixie, linus, regan & quillynn couldnt be contacted to discuss the vote so half of the votes were a mystery.... linus was my #1, i have a good relationship with regan and trixie, ive had some game talks with bryce and quillynn that i feel like i could work with them if i needed to so it seemed like eric was the person i had the least connection with on this tribe but he was online so he would be able to play an idol if he thought he was in trouble... also the other name being thrown around was linus and i did not want that at alllllllllll.... i probably should have tried to throw one of the people who werent online at the time under the bus so that the fear of an idol play wouldnt be there but that would have only been regan, trixie, or quillynn and i didnt want to vote out regan or trixie under any reason and i know jackson and q are friends bc he's her mood message theyre not subtle so like i couldnt get jackson on my side for that so i came up with a plan that if me jackson and bryce all vote for eric thats 3/8 and i play my double vote advantage i won in the auction then thats 4/8 which would be enough to cause a tie but i was saying that since the people who werent active at the time would have their votes be cast by their lists that the votes would be all over the place so that the vote would look something like a 4-2-1-1 or something of the sort so that our 4 would have the majority.... and to ensure that eric wouldnt play his idol i went to him and ensured him that the plan was to vote out whoever he wanted and sell the fact i was with him none of that worked askdjhfkasjdfhaksfjh it came down to 4-4 votes between linus and eric and then the last vote comes in andddddddd it's for linus.... so not only did my closest and only real ally in this game leave but i also played my idol and my advantage + i just lied and fucked over eric so hes still in the game knowing that i just lied to him and used my advantage to try and vote him out......... im fucked huh lmao

Regan Medevaced

Alright, so time to explain my full strategy since I haven't really had time to make full confessionals. My main alliance is with Jackson and Trixie, where I have been going under the radar, trying for Jackson to make all the moves for me, while I slide past another tribal. Jackson is also the only person I can trust because he trusts me. Richie and I had something going but he probably voted against me last tribal, so I have to rethink that. Quillynn NEEDS to go because trixie and quill will obviously take eachother to finals. I need trixie to trust jackson and myself more. I also need bryce and richie to think we are turning on eachother because I wouldn't be surprised if they thought we had something going on. I am glad my UTR strategy got me to f6 but this is when I need to make my move. I have something to say about having people make moves on my behalf, now I need to say I am capable of making my own moves. Wish me luck <3

IM SO DUMB LITERALLY I COULD HAVE WON IMMUNITY. I threw two questions so that eric wouldnt be extra mad at me and then i lose by one point. and its f6 now so i wanted to win this I didnt care about f7 immunity. I wanted to be immune f6 idol f5 regan leaving is so annoying JKDSFJKSD its so easy to send in a list. I am going to have to blindside someone now or maybe idol ugh. I think eric is the easiest to blindside since hes away a lot. UGH more confessionals tomorrow i feel so dumb askdfhadsjkf

So I got Jackson on board my plan which is to get people to use their vote only on me so that I can waste their votes when I use my idol. There is no way I am not using it this round. Clearly the plan was a success because Richie came straight to me as soon as Jackson told me about the plan. The best person to go for my game right now would be Quillynn, so I would just have to throw the vote without telling a soul and praying that my plan worked.

I just told Jackson that he should vote me and I will vote someone else. If the plan goes perfectly, everyone will think the vote is me or Jackson, and I will have the deciding vote. The only thing to do now is to make people think that one person will unknowingly get a vote so that everyone doesn't freak out and play their idols.

Everyone is going to idol and its gonna be a mess! Woo!

I’ve offically tied my record in a survivor game by making it to top 6 and i’ve like barely tried compaired to my usual effort, I guess playing UTR does work huh. Also I doubt i’m leaing since we’ll like all be idoling

So my plan worked and now Richie at least appears to be going full on against Jackson (at least if what he has been telling me isn't lies). Right now, I could either go rogue and vote Quillynn, a move I need for my own game. This would be good for my game because Trixie and Quill have an obvious deal together, and I want Trixie to trust Jackson and myself more than Quill. But right now, if Jackson and I appear to be against eachother, it's also smart that we vote eachother expecting an idolpocalypse, which would reset the round with no one having idols. Although my current main target wouldn't be eliminated, Richie appears to be against Jackson, and Jackson now trusts me, and vice versa. I didn't even realize until it was all said and done that I basically asked Jackson to throw himself under the bus and he did just that for me. For that, he has my trust, for now. I don't know what's smarter for my game. I just want to make it to the next part of the game. This is definitely a thrussy thrasher.

[3:27:05 PM] Bryce: i heard people are doing eric [3:27:15 PM] Bryce: and then like if he idols then everyone idols i guess? [3:27:19 PM] Bryce: and we reset idk [3:27:22 PM] Bryce: I'm scared! [3:27:34 PM] Richie: obviously i’m down for that because i tried to get him out last time and failed [3:27:46 PM] Bryce: yaaa like same my b about last time KFDSK [3:27:58 PM] Richie: however i need to talk to you about something [3:28:10 PM] Bryce: okay [3:28:23 PM] Richie: trixie and quillynn just went to final 2 together in another game [3:28:36 PM] Bryce: Omg woah oh in unoava? [3:28:37 PM] Richie: and jackson and quillynn are good friends from outside the game [3:28:39 PM] Bryce: go them! [3:28:41 PM] Bryce: oh wow yikes [3:28:42 PM] Bryce: KJDSFHKJDS [3:28:52 PM] Richie: so if we vote out eric [3:28:53 PM] Bryce: i love knowing no one... [3:28:55 PM] Richie: and those 3 and us 2 [3:28:59 PM] Richie: we’re fucked [3:29:30 PM] Bryce: hmm true so we would have to make the move and work with eric? does he know you voted him last time [3:29:43 PM] Richie: theres no scenario in that final 5 where the 2 of us survive [3:30:43 PM] Richie: id probably be taken out before you at final 5 if i lose immunity but then you’d be in a must win situation in final 4 where if you lose you’re fucked [3:31:03 PM] Bryce: hmm yeah ahh ugh i didn't realize that people all were like in games and knew each other [3:31:13 PM] Bryce: that's so troubling yikes! [3:31:23 PM] Richie: and even if you’re in final 3 with 2 of them they have the friends on jury and its apparent from touchy subjects that jackson is seen as the ringleader of this game [3:32:02 PM] Bryce: wait but i was just talking with quillynn about her mood message because it said 7-2 loser and she said she was a little sad about the outcome so maybe she isn't close with Trixie as much now after the end result? [3:32:13 PM] Bryce: yaa Jackson got a lot of good stuff [3:32:27 PM] Richie: i didn’t get a single answer lmao [3:32:28 PM] Bryce: i didn't realize at the time that the 7 voted for Trixie tho [3:32:41 PM] Bryce: omg yaa robbed your Nicole gifs are always great and humorous [3:32:47 PM] Richie: I’m irrelevant in this game lmao [3:32:56 PM] Bryce: i thought everyone was voting you for funny one KDHS [3:33:28 PM] Richie: i mean i obviously deserved that because I’m hilarious and amazing but even i put down trixie bc i don’t talk to anyone enough for them to realize how funny i am adsfj [3:34:33 PM] Bryce: hmm okay so our plan would to be what exactly? like we would need eric on our side right? because if he makes it to f5 and we get one of Jackson Trixie or Quillynn out then wont they just work with him and we're in the same position [3:35:33 PM] Richie: yeah I’m thinking if i go to him and talk to him about that group of 3 and say like the best route for him is for the 3 of us to go forward together [3:36:15 PM] Richie: then he goes to them and tells them he’s with them and acts confidently enough into making them think he won’t play an idol??? [3:36:38 PM] Bryce: hmm okay yeah for it to work he has to be with us so we aren't just doomed again at f5 [3:36:50 PM] Bryce: wait he tells them that me/you/him are a thing? [3:36:55 PM] Bryce: wont that be bad? [3:36:57 PM] Richie: nooo [3:37:21 PM] Richie: I’m assuming that they’re going to tell him that you’re the vote for the night [3:37:32 PM] Richie: because they won’t use any of their names for the decoy [3:37:36 PM] Richie: and you’re the only other option [3:38:08 PM] Bryce: ooh smart yeah [3:38:16 PM] Richie: so if he goes to them and says like hey ill vote out bryce i trust you guys [3:38:29 PM] Richie: and then we tell them we’re voting eric [3:38:53 PM] Richie: so they think it will be 5-1 eric and hope that eric doesn’t play his idol [3:39:03 PM] Bryce: oooh okay wow this is good if we can pull it off [3:39:14 PM] Bryce: just need eric to not leak [3:39:48 PM] Richie: the only thing is that if eric plays his idol and they’re like fuck and play theirs after [3:40:08 PM] Richie: but i think its worth the risk [3:40:31 PM] Richie: bc i’ll take the gamble that at least one of them won’t be around to play their idol live [3:40:35 PM] Bryce: ooh yaa but even then wed all play idols and itd reset right [3:40:50 PM] Richie: yeah that would be worst case scenario [3:40:52 PM] Bryce: and me you eric are then in a 3 v 3 situation ahhh okay cant let hat happen [3:41:14 PM] Richie: i mean its a very risky play [3:41:36 PM] Richie: but the alternative is just voting out eric and taking our chances in final 5 immunity challenge [3:42:43 PM] Richie: if it works we’re on a path to the end if it doesn’t then we’re in a shitty position but we’re in a shitty position anyway [3:43:09 PM] Bryce: i just feel like everyone voting eric and then he idols and then we reset and vote him out again is easier? i just don't want to do this and unite the 3 against us if they aren't actually together [3:43:39 PM] Richie: well i’ve known that jackson and q have been together for a long time [3:43:49 PM] Bryce: like maybe theyre just playing me but i don't think that those 3 are a super tight thing and that wed be able to swing someone on our side at f5 i thought that Quillynn and you were super close [3:44:17 PM] Richie: you know i wanted eric out baaaad [3:44:32 PM] Richie: i really like q trixie and jackson a lot [3:45:04 PM] Richie: but i just can see whats going to happen and it doesn’t look good for either of us and id hate to just go along with the plan bc i like them and then we’re fucked [3:47:01 PM] Bryce: omg ahhh i just don't want to make a play that blows up in our face when maybe its unnecessary like i don't see quilynn and Jackson both wanting to go to the end together esp when it she just lost a game so she prob wants to win this one and Jackson is seen as the one in charge so its more likely hed win [3:48:46 PM] Richie: i do think that if we vote out eric tonight and then we could possibly get trixie over to vote out jackson next time [3:49:00 PM] Richie: but if eric leaves tonight then jackson still has his idol next round [3:50:03 PM] Bryce: hmmm ahhh true wed all have idols but you and then youd have to win immunity or be ciried out [3:50:54 PM] Richie: true [3:51:04 PM] Bryce: ugh [3:53:58 PM] Richie: http://78.media.tumblr.com/7e38d14c8d831bc876c2b19403502d66/tumblr_ov5fnf06f01vzwwmeo3_250.gif [3:54:42 PM] Richie: okay [3:54:59 PM] Bryce: I'm like cleaning my room and trying to think [3:55:19 PM] Richie: what if we vote eric tonight but tell him to play his idol so that sets off the chain reaction of everyone playing their idol so we start final 6 over fresh [3:55:23 PM] Bryce: if we vote out eric we need to make everyone use their idols so that you don't get ciried [3:55:27 PM] Bryce: yeah [3:56:04 PM] Richie: then final 6 round 2 we either try and talk to one of them to make it 4-2 or we vote out eric and then final 5 we make out move without any idols in the way??? [3:58:10 PM] Bryce: yeah I think that's the best way just make sure that eric doesn't out who told him to play it and then everyone idols and we do 5-1 and then we can get Trixie on our side at f5 [3:58:41 PM] Richie: we can maybe make an alliance chat with eric tell him we’re with him but we’re going to vote for him tonight so that they think that we’re with them and can try and get one of them on our side to save him next time [3:59:23 PM] Bryce: okay yeah just have to be careful eric doesn't leak because Jackson said they were close [3:59:28 PM] Richie: ugh [3:59:49 PM] Bryce: he said he talks to him but then he also was the first person to throw his name out for this tribal to me [3:59:54 PM] Richie: same [4:09:43 PM] Bryce: I tried talking to eric and he said no one threw out any names yet so either its true or hes been told me and hes just not mentioning it to me [7:46:50 PM] Richie: im nervous [7:47:01 PM] Bryce: omg me too FKDSJH [7:47:04 PM] Richie: i talked to eric a lot [7:47:28 PM] Bryce: ooh what did he say [7:47:31 PM] Bryce: is he idoling? [7:47:42 PM] Richie: i told him to [7:48:56 PM] Bryce: okay get ready for a reset! [7:49:00 PM] Bryce: who is he voting? [7:50:55 PM] Richie: he wants to vote jackson because i told him it was jackson who threw his name out [7:51:15 PM] Bryce: ooh ok that's the tea lets have such a fun tribal I'm ready [7:51:23 PM] Bryce: but like so nervous [7:51:24 PM] Bryce: KFKSJDFHJKS SCREAMING HATE THIS TRIBAL SO MUCH ITS RESETTING ALSO RICHIE IS DOING THIS BECAUSE HES GONNA GET CIRIED IF HE DOESNT WIN IMMUNITY AT F5!!!! im so confused

i tried to come up with like 50 different plans tonight lmao... i found out that trixie and quillynn just went to final 2 together in another game bc of quillynns mood message which is the same way that i realized jackson and q were friends so she needs to watch that bc thats how im getting all my tea lmao i talked to bryce and i outlined the fact that trixie/quillynn/jackson are a dangerous trio and if we vote out eric tonight then we'll be final 5 with those 3 and they'll have majority... i dont really know if i believe that those 3 are actually a real alliance but thats not stopping me from trying to turn bryce against them to put the target there idc if its true i had just enough info to make it seem like its true.... i manically came up with like 10 different plans where we try and form a 3 person alliance of me/bryce/eric and take out one of those jackson/q/trixie so that we had majority in final 5 (mind you i literally just used a double vote advantage to try and vote out eric and with regan being evac'd i'm the only person on this tribe that voted for eric those those 5 all voted out linus at the instant and now here i am trying to get eric to trust me and work with me to vote out jackson who 2 days ago i told an explicit plan about how i wanted eric out and what i was going to do and here i am baiting eric with a very small tea of jackson saying eric's name once lmao) anyways none of those plans work bc they hinge on eric playing his idol and if eric plays his idol then they all play their idols which isnt the most effective play but my original idea once i won immunity was to cause as much chaos as possible so that everyone is paranoid and plays their idol that way i'm not cirie'd next time bc im the only one without an idol...

Voting Confessionals

(Voting for Eric) this sucks but I think its the only possibility

(Voting for Eric) http://78.media.tumblr.com/276b29c6a519f0e7b5c71e7715f4f979/tumblr_of3pgb9XZH1vzwwmeo7_r1_250.gif

(Voting for Eric) hey you know why i'm voting for you so no big deal

Everyone played their idol.

Everyone is immune.

Quillynn, Jackson, Bryce, and Richie voted Eric.

Trixie voted Bryce

Eric voted Jackson

#worthplayingfor #confessionals

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atomickrakatoa · 7 years ago

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Episode 4 - "LIKE WTF, WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE SO DEAD!!" - Bryan

Bryan

Well the adil vote went exactly as I thought it would. Easy peasy lemon squeezey. But yknow. Of course right when I’m starting to feel kind of comfortable a double tribal is thrown my way! Like wtf! I just wanted to relax and work as a team and build up that morale. BUT NO! Now I gotta stress over a guaranteed tribal.

Bryce

Ooh so the vote went according to plan wish we were more active but hopefully that means that I have a better shot at individual immunity. I guess I'm fine if we keep losing tbh because ppl will just vote the inactives out. Like I was shocked that Jay was in our tribe when I saw him on the hangout LOL I need to form that social bond.

Bryan

Me: sends in completed maze. Me: then notices I missed a word. FUCUCYCUCKXKDKABWJOWKDDB Other than that. I feel like I did ok in the challenge. I don’t really need to win the immunity anyways, so it’s ok. I’m totally safe because there is no way I could be a target.

Willa

Double tribal sucks tits n asky I'm not doing immunity tho screams Hopefully I stay alive

Jake

This double tribal got me shook aff, i doubt i'm gonna win immunity, but i should have enough votes to stay if they plan on targeting me again!

Dana

I can't handle another crackedt tribal council. I have work all day tomorrow so this is very yikes. Whatever I'm going to let everyone vote Jake and then i'm going to throw my vote at some random bitch and hope it sticks.

Bryan

When Logan says it’s about to get cracked but the truth is with this tribe that’s impossible becAUSE THE ONLY ONES ACTIVE ARE ME QUIL AND BRYCE! LIKE WTF, WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE SO DEAD!! At least this means that I’m not gonna get voted out because we have a bunch of sheep(both literal and metaphorical) at the slaughter.

**Liana and QuilLynn win immunity**

Nic

so colin and liana have immunity and im SURE dana/zach/trixie/nicholas wont vote for eachother which leaves me and jake :) i think willa is with them tbh. they can act like theyre not a group.. but like.. okay............. any friends in a game are automatically gonna have some sort of bond. even if it doesnt last forever or if they dont trust eachother 100 percent. either way theyre gonna align for atleast a few rounds and thats the tea. anyone saying "oh well X backstabbed me 2 months ago" and "oh X insulted me once" as reason for the premade not being real... has cold tea. its expired. so if thats my downfall atleast i can say its not cause of me. its cause of them bcuz theyre ugly. unless they turn on eachother then i take this all back

QuilLynn

I won immunity!! Wooooo! So I'm actually fairing a lot better than I thought I would be this season. My tribe seems to like me and they aren't seeming to be worried about any relationships I might have with the villains, which is good! If I had it my way then the heroes wouldn't have to see another tribal, the less villains at merge the better! :p That being said, I am glad to have individual immunity, A) because it's my first individual win in the Atomic series and B) because you can never be too safe, and I'm always paranoid!

Bryce

Okay so its awk quil wants chips because of his connection with his wife at the villains but i like him so :/ want to not vote him. Apparently christains name came up too which is fine id rather do that. But juts need to make sure koh sai does it too

Trixie

DANA IS TRYING TO MAKE PPL BELIEVE I FUCK THE SIMS. IT'S NOT TRUE. SHE WANTS ATTENTION. I CANT RESPOND IN HOUSE CHAT BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO SO I CANT FIGHT HER UGH. I HATE HER. JK but she's a bitch

Later...

The Legend of Logan Part 2 Logan the furby was very handsome, he often had the village girl and boy furbies always trying to win over his affection. Logan had big, brown furby eyes, and a small yellow round beak that was good for eating. His fur pattern was a sleek oak colour that shone beautifully in the summer sun. Dare I say it, he was definitely the cutest furby this side of Furbytopia. The evil witch furby Dana tried to put a curse on Logan for being so damn beautiful because she was jealous of the fact that she was ugly and hideous. Logan ran away and became a warrior, that's why he is on this mission to save Princess Furby END CHAPTER

Kelsey

Oh, the sitch? Oh, but that's what she wanted. *sighs* Coming out of the last elimination, Adil has sashayed away and it's quite sad. I really really REALLY didn't want him to go but, ahem...I didn't exactly help in any way. However, I ended up staying and at this point, I'm done being sappy over it, I'm just frustrated by how much I'm NOT slaying the game by now. If Adil was voted out due to his timezone not aligning with everyone else's, it can't be long before they vote out the girl who usually doesn't show up, right? I do think that this individual immunity twist is inadvertently in my favour because I can't let the tribe down this week if I perform badly. On top of that, Quill came through on her word of making a Koh Sai alliance which...is good, but girl, who are these people? Jeez, I STILL don't feel close to any of them, especially Akito. It's my only alliance and my only shot of staying alive but do I want to sit in this boat forever? No, Guys and Dolls, I do not. This alliance ostracizes Chips and Rob...I'm fine with eliminating Chips since I just don't think we're getting along as much as I need to with the others but AKITO is getting information from him. ...If it came down to it, at this point, I'd rather keep Rob and perhaps eliminate Akito if need be...I get it, Akito's a sweetheart, Akito's one of my friends, I'm a heroine, all that but...I can't be the only one thinking that I need to DO something to make my mark, can I? C'mon empty audience, work with me. ...Think yew. The more I think about it, the less I feel like being nice this time around. I've got my work cut out for me if I want to be The Queen, especially after my rough start so...I think my next game move is hitting up Quill and Bryce as much as I can so I can just get ready for what I need to do. The name of Kelsey Valentana Mikaelson is still in high morale standing but I WANT to sully it this time around, you know? And this season, I might just be the fox in the hen hound. I've got an ache to do something significant in Survivor for once. No names have been suggested to me so far and I don't feel in danger, so because of that; Akito, Sailor Lava, my dear...I hope you're ready to meet one FOXY lady. And THAT'S all there is to it~! ...I miss Jordan and Jackson... -Kelsey V Mikaelson <3 #TeamBees #TeamIBelieveInYall

Zach

I'm voting Jake. Willa is too. Trixie/Dana aren't. They're voting Nic. I don't know who Nic/Colin/Nicholas are voting. Tonight's going to be am ess and i' mgoing to fucking leave i'm so mad

Bryce

Christian wants an alliance with me and bryan but like I already am voting them KSHDHFKSDHFKS. Also now bryan wants akito gone but I dont want that at all

Akito

This is hectic I want to find an advantage that will benefit my game and only mine. Screw Koh Sai. Screw the heroes. There can only be 1 hero and that should be me!

QuilLynn

So right now I want Chips out, as much as I like him, I feel like he is going to be a the biggest threat for me down the road and also think he’s the person who probably trusts me the least. The problem is, nobody else wants to vote chips. Most seem to want to vote out Christian and then Christian and Bryan want to vote out Akito. There is no way I’m voting out akito so i’m just trying to ignore their messages but part of me does want to bring up the idea of voting chips to them.

Bryan

Me earlier: welp this is gonna be an easy vote. Just get rid of Christian and everyone is on board cool. Me later: welp Christian wants to make an alliance with me and Bryce. Hey I’d be down iF THE VOTES WERENT ALREADY GOING TO CHRISTIAN!! Me now: ok I think I can flip these votes to akito with getting suspicion. Bryce is on board. Christian will be too. I’ll tell quil that Christian finally messaged me so I’d feel bad voting them out when akito still hasn’t. NOW I GET TO GAIN AN ALLY WITHOUT LOSING ANY!!

Jay

Hiiii so i almost won immunity but quillynn beat me, which is okay I love Quillynn she's my closest ally. Her along with akito and chips are like the only people I talk to. Anyways I'm voting Christian because we dont get along bye bye

Christian

So the original plan was to have a three person alliance with Quil and Kelsey, but Kelsey is kind of inactive and only pops up once every two days. So lol. I decided Bryce and Bryan, because I genuinely do like the two of them! I think it could go somewhere(our alliance). I guess we'll see after tonight.

Nicholas

i sure diddly darn do hope trixie/zach/dana stay loyal 2 meh

Chips

I don't have much to add, unfortunately. Last round's tribal council went as well as I had assumed it would go with one person self-voting, a vote against me, and the rest for Adil who ended up leaving. I assume that the others lied to Adil in saying they were voting for me which kind of scares me that they were okay with just throwing my name around but also doesn't scare me because they did it with no intention of following through. I think, if I heard Logan right (I probably didn't) that when Adil did vote for me that he said something about how he hoped I didn't play an idol? I... dunno for sure, but that's interesting since I feel at this point that it's impossible to even have an idol since finding one takes a million steps or getting lucky like whoever that person is who has immunity this round. Anyway, I decided to look for an idol because that's what you do ??? and I found a walking stick. I'm really proud of my walking stick and have chosen to put on a Gandalf costume to go along with it. I shall speak friend and enter. Also, fly you fools and um... other Gandalf quotes. http://img52.laughinggif.com/pic/HTTP2ZvcmV2ZXJ5b3VuZ2FkdWx0LmNvbS9fdXBsb2Fkcy9pbWFnZXMyL2xvdHJfZ2FuZGFsZi5naWYlog.gif So the immunity challenge was doing a crossword and I feel I did abysmally. Because you know - ICONS ONLY or whatever the cool kids are saying these days. I felt good about myself for finding all of the names (except Logan) pretty quickly but then it took me a good two minutes to find Logan. Also, the file took like a full minute to download on top of it! I'm awful! So yeah... I lost and QuilLynn won which means that I'm not immune. So the weird thing about my tribe is that most of the players go through cycles where they're inactive. One day it'll be Christian... one day it'll be Kelsey... the next day it'll be Akito. It's just kind of a thing. And so right as results are posted Jay tells me that he thinks we should vote Christian because the two disagree. Bryce and Bryan say the same thing, but say that it's because of inactivity. QuilLynn says that she has already heard the name and that she's cool with it because she agreed with the statements that were made to her... so that's who I'm voting until- https://media.giphy.com/media/6BrfyBtKtCcpy/giphy.gif Bryan messages me and says "Yo chipssssssss"or something to that effect with the S all drawn out. He says that he doesn't want to vote Christian anymore and that he is hoping to flip the vote to Akito. He says that Christian is not as inactive because she said hi to him today and Akito has ignored him. I ask him if he thinks we'll have the numbers and he says that he is pretty sure that we will. I'm cool with it - this early on I'm cool with the vote if it's not me and not someone I can see myself working with in the longterm. So yeah, if everyone is telling the truth I think Akito will be the next to go from our tribe and I should have made another round. I'm sort of hoping for a swap of some sort after this round. Maybe something where we go onto three tribes or four tribes would be cool? I mean, I know small tribes are quite a bit more scary, but it'd make for an interesting change. If not, I'm hoping that we at least get a normal immunity challenge so that we can stop going to tribal council. I don't mind going if it's merge, but when it's premerge I get that feeling the next shot is going to be in my head. https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/glee/images/e/e2/Office-karen-shrug.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150106110113

Liana

I won immunity! Yay me.

Christian

Kelsey "ill be at tribal so I'm just going to wait" lolol. Kelsey told me that earlier a few people were thinking of voting me tonight, and she told me in pm's that I don't need to worry and she's going to vote Akito. If she is, why does she need to wait. If Akito isn't going tonight, then it's me. I won't be shocked.

#confessionals #zerotohero

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qarajhcreations · 7 years ago

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The Beauty of the English Language (and the people speaking it)

So, because I'm a funny (and slightly perverted) fellow, I often make silly gags on profile texts and the likes of it on social media and in games.

One of my profile texts goes as follows: "You can't spell assassin without saying ass." Twice, even. That's witty, it’s true, and it makes you say "ass" in a very clean and rather innocent context.

So, as you're probably well aware, some people on the internet are a bit, let's say, stock up their sleeves, right, they don't like it when people talk about genitalia, or poop, or sex, and the list goes on. Now, normally, one of these kinds of persons are, without making a general statement of a larger group of people, from the US. So, it was to my surprise when a person, claiming themselves to be a UK citizen (with the profile text "The Queen of Chalsea" yes, you read the right, the famous part of the capital of the UK, Londan, Chalsea), in an inbox message wrote: "Asazesin".

Now, I am used to getting saucy, raunchy and, often, poorly-written messages, but out of context I simply replied "What?", because that was pretty much my initial reaction. This, presumed, British person then goes on to explain how you can say "Assassin" without saying "ass", at which point, I'm intriqued. Because... That is how you spell the word "Ass-ass-in", there is literally no other way to spell that word, it's hard to even pronounce it without saying ass. Just because I'm also a nice guy, I decide to correct a potential misunderstanding, so I point out, in a friendly and simplified matter, that "Ass-ass-in" is how the word is WRITTEN DOWN in various dictionaries, even in Urban Dictionary, which sometimes takes a liberal twist on the spelling of a word.

Instead of this Queen of Chalsea realising my point, I instead get a stream of inbox messages, not a single LONG text, no many small ones, with my initial thoughts in parenthesis and italic:

"I mean Asazsin in a different way u see it but sounds the same without ass" (oh... kay?)

"How's that?" (it's... well, it's not Asazesin, that's for sure, still not spelled right though.)

"Im using as instead on ass" (OH THAT'S WHAT YOU DID, honestly, I thought it was the ze/z thing that you had going for you, my bad.)

"Of ass" (Good, you corrected a typo. Shame that you missed the other one, it's going to get lonely now, "Im" sure.)

"hmm we can't say nothing can't be made in a dictionary as a short new term for it think about it" (Technically, you are correct, but that is just not how dictionaries work, "covfefe" haven't been added to any, real, dictionary yet, even though it was/is a popular term.)

"if u think about it though" (Hmm... No, I'm pretty sure that if I think further about it, I'm only more certain that the only way, as of today, to spell "assassin", is by using "ass" twice.)

"There's many letters that can take up sounds buy adding an make up words that's possible to put in a dictionary for something" (Yes, there are many letters, and yes, you CAN put them together to make sounds, and if written down, they may SEEM like actual words. It's just unfortunate that a sound only rarely qualifies as a word. Random letters thrown together to, somewhat, resemble a word, is not making a word.)

"I mean adding letters to make simple letter sound the same" (I er... what? No. Still not how you make a word.)

"Plus what if it's some idk Arabic or African name for somebody in real life" (Ah, well a name isn't technically a word either, also I'm not exactly certain you know what you're talking about anymore.)

"Asazsin" (Yes, you've said that once, and it seems you're very proud of your creation. That still doesn't make a word though.)

A few minutes pass, where I don't know if I should respond to this further, clearly, we're so far down the rabbit-hole, oh I'm sorry the repped-huel, that I do not believe it's possible for me to make this person see reason. Just as I was about to just let it be, I get a final message, the true icing on the cake, if you like:

"who blieves in dictonarys anyways? theyre just old words in books" (Well, there we have it; I think we have discovered the root of the problem.)

I'd really wish that I could help this Queen of Chalsea, but at age 28 (supposedly), I am just not sure how to motivate a person into learning basic spelling.

#English language #spelling #Dictionary #assassin #UK #really stupid #my brain hurts

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survivor-all-stars-blog · 8 years ago

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EP 1: “Have Fun and Go Far” - Jessy [ PART I ]

dis is tew much

lydia is playing and were not on the tribe together im so mad im calling the cops. i like my tribe tho theyre all chill god bless. there are people on that im not too fond of but well see how it goes. ive already won so my plan is to die for lydia like i was meant to god bless

Hi, I'm Logan! When it comes to beauty, there's no denying I'm the fairest of all!

I am shook that i like this cast and how im cast since i hated ts for some time then i remembered how great hosts this season has.

Okay this cast is ridiculous levels of All-Starness that I'm shocked that I'm here even more than I previously was? So many people that I've played with before too like you guys got Lydia? Wes? Damn this is crazy. Literally my only goal is not to be the Mimi Imfurst of All-Stars. Once I get over that hurdle I don't really care what happens. This time I'm here for fun! My tribe seems AMAZING too so hopefully that's a good sign so we can string a few early wins together. 3 winners on this tribe too so I'M DYING. Ruthie and I can be the Sugar superfans instead. Don't kill us with twists please! So many great people, so much to take about, but I'm totally drained y'all gonna kill me.

why was i cast literally what the fuck thank you to the hosts for casting me so much im so happy i hardly know any of these people so its gonna be hard playing with people that know each other and im just a little intimidated as me and ruthie are the only one time players so we gotta work. i really like jenn ruthie and steven which i think are all on my tribe? idk one world fucks me up but if they are id work with them and if they arent id work with them i really forgot how to play and i dont know when im supposed to be making alliances so i really dont want to make them too early but i dont want to risk being out because i make them too late who knows i just dont want to go first bc i literally will be so mad i just. why am i cast

OH MY GOD, I can't get over the fact that I'm HERE! I AM A FREAKING ALL STAR! I really didn't do so good with my confessionals in the beginning of Arabia so I'm going to try to pick it up a bit here! THIS CAST IS HUGE AND I have FREAKING 13 MESSAGES WAITING FOR ME TO RESPOND ON SKYPE RIGHT NOW, I can't even with this, I have so much anxiety but it's in the BEST WAY POSSIBLE! I have so much researching of this cast to do, I want to figure all these people out because they are All Stars for a reason! Okay first of all I LOVE the fact that Nick (Emmott) and MY ALEX <3 were cast this season as well! I WAS SO EXCITED OH GOD, two of my favorites!!! Alex was my number one ally the entire game in Arabia and I'm so pumped that he's here but I'm worried that if anyone looks too far into anything they'll be aware of how tight we are. Then we have Nick and I LOVE HIM TOO! OH GOD, I love Nick so much, he's the one that got me out in Arabia though because I opened my big mouth on call and told him that Lena/Emily had an idol but I feel so close to him, I can see he and I working together eventually too. Another good thing is that Alex and Nick kind of disliked each other last I heard and that works for me! This time around I'm going to play more for ME. I'm not going to be using any idols this time around on Mister Alex Spearman unless I absolutely feel like I have to, I'm playing with All Stars this time and it's time to stop letting my heart get in the way and time to GET MESSY, I CANNOT WAIT! So, I've been talking to the cast quite a bit but it's so overwhelming they are all talking to me at once with no breaks and JEEZ my hands can't work that fast but so far my very favorites besides Nick and Alex are Carson, Steffen, Kait and MJ! I love the fact that Carson is on my tribe and she pointed out that we are both the only ones that have only played one other game so just SJFSLFJ WOW. I still can't believe I'm an All Star!

youtube

So, I know i just made a confessional but I wanted to jot down all my first impressions of people based on their videos and intros and talking to them a bit because it's fun to look back on later! Abbey: ABBEY HAS A DOG!!!!! Awww, I like her already! Emma: SHE WON A SEASON WHAT. Why am I here y'all I can't even with this cast. Jack: I really like him, I think I've talked to him and oh god, he's one of the ones that has played A LOT! This kind of scares me but hopefully these people will be gone first lol. <3 He's adorable though! Nick: MY NICK <3. I absolutely love him, I came so close to voting for him in Arabia, I wasn't bitter, I LOVED HIM. He is my favorite underdog omg. THAT ACCENT THOUGH NICK SLFJLSDJF. I'M ROOTING FOR YOU EVEN HARDER THAN I'M ROOTING FOR ME. Pat: I've heard SO MUCH ABOUT HIM I THINK. Okay, Pat scares me like a lot. I have to watch out for him sfjsldfj AHHH. Carson: CARSON your intro wasn't great but oh my god I adore you, you like Moana too and we're both from just one season, move over Alex and Nick- Carson and I are going to be FINAL TWO. Jenn: I've been talking to her a bit and she is ADORABLE! I love her already, she's friends with Nicole!! I KNOW that she's one I might have to watch out for though, eek. ANOTHER WINNER SLFJSLDFJ. MJ: I ADORE MJ! I played Trashy Big Brother 4 with him and put him up the week he got out alsdjflsdjf. But he did vote for me in jury which was pretty awesome, even though I didn't win. I really like MJ though, we never talked until I put him up and I can't wait to get to know him better and I hope he doesn't try to get me out alsjfljf god. He scares me though because he's freaking WON A SEASON. AHHHHHHHHHHH ALL THESE WINNERS. Steven: IS FROM IRELAND OMG, I'm going to Ireland in March!! I've been talking to him a TON, I really like him a lot, I like my entire tribe I hope we don't suck bahah. He's so nice and he loves SUGAR! That makes him even cooler in my book! Jakey: I don't think I've talked to him but he's adorable! Lydia: Lydia is freaking ADORABLE OH MY GOD. I've been talking to her a lot and her sister is named Ruth and that's practically Ruthie (and my real middle name.... Carrie Ruth ahhhhhhh, no one call me that though). I like her, WHY IS EVERYONE SO LIKEABLE? Owen: Owen is ADORABLE! I love him and Trevor so much, I've not really talked to Owen much but I love him asjflsdfj he's such an icon omg <3 Ricardo: Awww HIS ACCENt! I like him already! I talked to him like once or twice via PM so far so we'll see! Steffen: OMG HE IS SUCH AN ICON, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, HE'S ONE OF MY FAVES. his video put everyone elses to shame. <3 JC: Seems freaking awesome! I can't wait to get to know them more! Jessy: Seems nice too AHHH I need to send everyone I haven't talked to yet a message alsjflsf. Jimmy: Jimmy is adorable! THAT ACCENT AND HIS LAST NAME BEING KNEE CRICKET, OMG I LOVE HIM. Logan: OMG LOGAN IS FROM GEORGIA! YES, Georgia people are the best I cannot wait to talk to them! <3 Wes: OMG WES IS A LEGEND I've heard of him before omg why AM I CASTED WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE I LOVE IT Alex: MY OTHER HALF. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! SLFJSLFJ I'm going to probably pretend that I don't through the entire game but HE GIVES ME SO MUCH LIFE I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE PLAYING TOGETHER AGAIN. Storytime we're both such little shits because we've been trying to see if the other one was playing all week and I was like "nah, I'm not I'm going to Ireland in March, I can't play anything." and he's all like "Nope, I wasn't casted AND LOOK AT US PLAYING TOGETHER AGAIN OH MY GOD THIS MADE MY LIFE. HIS VIDEO AHHHHHHHH. Gage: HOW CUTE IS HE OH GOD. I love awkward people, yes!! Kait: I LOVE THIS QUEEN! I played Trashy BB4 with her and I liked playing with her while we were both in together, she is such a Survivor Legend and no one knows that we're friends so THIS COULD BE A GOOD IN! I LOVE HER SO MUCH. Her video gives me life! Matt: Oooooh okay, he scares me, I like him though! Simon: I like him already! Oh god he seems like a legend I really need to get around to looking up everyones wikis right now goasfdlfjslfjlsfe AHHHHHHH

This is going to be an exciting season weeee

They're back!!! fdkjhfdsj

I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity to play again. I remember Ryan asking em to do Olympics back when I swore I would never play Tumblr Survivor ever in my life EVER and then how pissed I was when there were returnees and then how much I flopped and I really thought I'd ruined my chances to do well because I'd blown my shot as a newbie. Aaaaand now here I am.

Everyone has something to prove, I guess. That's why we're all here. But to me, it feels like I have more to prove than some of the others. I wasn't originally supposed to be in the cast, I'm definitely not the best player, and as far as Tumblr Survivor goes I'm in no way iconic. So I really, really need to prove myself here. To me, it feels like a lot to lose. I need to show that I was a good choice.

Ryan said all but five seasons are represented, which means more than ever that this season will be about relationships. A lot of people are already connected and since this is one world, those bonds aren't severed by tribal lines. I'm going to have to fortify the relationships I already have, fix those that might be broken, and create stronger ones that aren't already there if I'm going to get anywhere. Even though it's a cast of all stars, it's impossible to hide because of these SMALL ASS TRIBES fkjshfsdkj

Pretty much, I really wanted this opportunity and I lucked the fuck out and got it, so I have to own it. Watch me flop again, huh

Now for a real confessinal my first impressions on people on the cast yay!!!

Jack: He is very awesome i hope i can get close to him in this game!!! Abbey: Trying to talk to her shes nice :D Jimmy: Yessssss i love him i hope we can align close... He is probably one of the most heroic people in the cast. Wes: He probably wouldnt trust me lol LOL i am exicted to play with him!!!! Logan: Me and him for f2 please i am glad im playing with him omg he is such a good friend and playing with him is like playing with a long lost friend who i havent talked to in ages!!!! Steven: Will we slay???? i hope so he was very trustworthy to me in easter!!!!! i would be loyal to him. Steffen and JC: My Aeolin childs <3 Ricardo: its gonna be fun playing with him! Jessy and Jake: They are gonna align with eachother i consider them both friends!!!! MJ: he is gonna be ott... wasnt a shock that he was cast. Ruthie: She seems like an icon Simon: Hes played alot of games

IM TIRED NIGHT

#confessionals #ivebeenbamboozled

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