#i recently found out that this song was written by a Jewish man

[deviantplum]

Ok, just bear with me here. So "Dear God" right? Becomes "Deer God" out loud, ok? So what if, what IF, the true form of God is really Rudolph.

Think about it! Is his story not also one of sacrifice? Of suffering for his fellow man (reindeer)? Also, much like Jesus, he's Jewish.

[girlactionfigure]

THURSDAY HERO: BEN SHIMONI

Full English text of this sign about Ben at the bottom of the page

Ben Shimoni, 31, was celebrating peace at the Nova music festival in southern Israel on October 7, 2023 when the event came under massive terrorist attack by a barbaric well-armed horde of killers and rapists. Amid carnage and chaos, Ben dodged bullets to reach his car and then picked up four strangers. He maneuvered their way out of the festival site and drove thirty minutes to Beersheba, where his passengers got out of the car. To their shock, Ben said he was going back to rescue more people. They tried desperately to change his mind but Ben turned the car around and headed back to hell. 

Ben was very familiar with the roads around the festival area because he spent his childhood in Gaza. Ben lived in Gush Katif, a tight-knit, warm community of Jews. In 2005, when Ben was only 13, his idyllic life was hideously disrupted when his family and all the other Jews in Gush Katif were forcibly ejected by their own government in a tragically misguided attempt to conciliate the Palestinians. Families who’d harvested land and built businesses over a lifetime had to hand it all over to their enemies. The Palestinians immediately destroyed the farms and factories, elected Hamas and began building terror tunnels to kill Jews. Now 18 years later, paragliding terrorists on a mission of destruction were at the Nova music festival and Ben was on a mission of his own: to rescue as many people as possible. 

Like a firefighter rushing into a burning building, Ben drove into a field that was still under massive attack. He immediately filled his car with five more terrified strangers, and drove them to safety in Beersheba. This group, too, was shocked because once again, after reaching safety, Ben chose to go back to the festival site. He’d already saved nine lives but made one more desperate and valiant attempt. He picked up three frantic girls and almost got away until they were stopped at a checkpoint manned by heavily armed soldiers. Ben’s girlfriend Jessica Elter was on the phone with him and heard what happened next. Jessica told the Jewish Chronicle: “Suddenly I heard Ben asking, confused but not afraid, if some people in the road were Hamas terrorists or Israeli police. I heard the girls in the back screaming and pleading with Ben at the top of their lungs to ‘Drive, drive, drive.’ I heard a lot of yelling in Arabic and a big crash, some shooting and, after a minute of quiet the phone just hung up.”

Ben’s car was later found riddled with bullets but empty and he was initially classified as missing. However after five days Ben’s family was notified that his body had been identified, some distance from the car. Nearby was the body of the girl who’d been in the passenger seat. They had both been shot. The two girls who were in the back of the car have never been found and are presumed to be hostages in Gaza. Jessica is praying for their rescue and hoping to learn more from them about Ben’s final minutes.

Jessica says that Ben’s heroic self-sacrifice to save at least nine other people was completely in character. “He was shy, loyal, very honest with every person he met, and never said no to someone in need. He always put others before himself, truly. He had the best heart ever. And the thing he did that morning testifies to the person he was.” Jessica and Ben had attended several previous Nova festivals. Jessica would have been at that one too, except that she had recently grown more religious and stayed home to observe Shabbat.

Ben was a successful businessman who worked in the restaurant industry and appreciated the Israeli night life scene. His brother Avinoam remembers that Ben “loved life. Loved cars, traveling and parties. Always puts himself last and wants to help, so it’s not surprising that the last action he did in his life was trying to rescue his friends from hell.” 

Israeli band Synergia released a song based on a poem written about Ben Shimoni. It begins, “Who is the person who goes back into hell, a moment after he escaped?”

At the Nova festival site, Ben’s loved ones put up a sign about Ben’s life and his heroic actions on October 7, 2023. May his memory always be for a blessing and may his soul have a great elevation!

Full text about Ben (from the blue sign in the image above) at the memorial site, written by his family:

Ben Binyamin Shimon was the first born son to parents Pnina and Rafi Shimoni after many efforts to bring children into the world. Ben has younger twin brothers, Avinoam and Chai, and Chai has special needs. The three of them grew up in Dugit of Gush Katif near the sea. Following the Israeli disengagement from Gaza, Ben’s parents Pnina and Rafi divorced. Ben moved to the north with his father, and two years later, his brother Avinoam joined him, spending their teenage years there together. After completing his military service, both Ben and his father decided to leave the north and move to Modiin to start a business together, which led Ben into the world of business and back to the south. In recent years, Ben moved back to live with his mother and brother Chai in their home in Ashkelon. Later on, his partner Jessica also joined them. Ben always loved extreme sports, cars, and motorcycle racing. His friends and close-knit family were his whole world.

He was always ready to help, even when not asked. Ben loved to celebrate life and live in the moment; nightlife and parties were an integral part of his life. He owned several businesses related to food and nightlife.

In the last few months of his life, he decided to leave these businesses and began working as a sous- chef with his good friend Matan Zafrir at the Pitmaster restaurant in Petah Tikva, with a bright future ahead in the industry. His coworkers recount that they had never met a more professional, caring, and dedicated person than him. 

That Saturday, Ben decided to stay home for the second holiday of Sukkot, a decision that, as it turned out later, saved his mother and brother Chai from traveling to celebrate at the home of their friend from Dugit, Tova Goren, who lived in Kfar Aza and was murdered in her home along with her daughter Eran.

On October 7th, in the early morning hours, Ben left for the Nova festival, where he met up with his friends Tom Peretz and Michal Ohana. His partner Jessica, who was inseparable from him, surprisingly decided to stay home that evening with his mother and brother Chai. When the attack began, Ben immediately called his mother to inform her that there were rockets and to wake up Jessicaand take everyone to the safe room (bomb shelter).

Ben wasn’t afraid of the rockets; he got in his car and started to flee. He knew the area well, having grown up there and served there during his military service. Ben was an experienced driver and knew how to navigate the roads of the Gaza envelope. At the beginning of the journey, he picked up four passengers he didn’t know; Jude Kotler, Amit Shalit, Mashi Lindner, and Tal Gozal. From their testimonies, we understand that Ben quickly grasped the situation and did everything to calm them down and bring them to safety.

He rescued them to Be’er Sheva. On his way there, he contacted his father, who lives in Be’er Sheva, and asked if he could bring them to his house.

His father was at work in Omer (another city in the South) and told Ben to come and get the key. Ben realized this would delay him and decided to drop them off at a house he didn’t know at the entrance to Be’er Sheva. There, they begged him to stay with them and not return to the festival area, but he was determined to save his friends who were still there. That morning, during the rescues, Ben managed to speak with his friends and family. Everyone had the chance to talk to him; his father Rafi, his mother Pnina, his brother Avinoam, and his girlfriend Jessica.

They were all proud of him for saving people, and asked him to come home and not return to the area of the festival. However, Ben was determined to save his friends. He returned and managed to save another eight people he didn’t know to the Netivot area. Only ten months later we were connected with these people and learned that they were physically healthy but not mentally. Afterward, he returned to the festival area for a second time in hopes of finding his friends Tom and Michal, even though they told him not to come.

Nevertheless, he drove to the last location they sent him. But when he arrived at the location, Tom and Michal were no longer there (probably because their phone battery died, and they had already moved to their next hiding place). Today Tom and Michal are safe and sound. At that time, Ben knew that Gaya Halifa (Z”L), who worked with him at the Pitmaster, was also at the festival, so he contacted her and understood she was in danger. He asked her to send him her location. Gaya was with her friend Romi Gonen; they were hiding from the terrorists’ gunfire in a small bush near the Re’im parking lot.

Gaya sent Ben the location, and along with it, she wrote, “Don’t come; there are gunshots.” Despite this, Ben chose to look for them. He found them and got them into his car. In addition to them, Ben saw Ofir Tzarfati (Z’L) and offered him to join them in the car. Ofir had just made sure that his friends and girlfriend were rescued into another car and there was no space for him to go with them, so he joined Ben’s car.The four of them began driving towards Ashkelon on Road 232. Gaya managed to speak with her father, Avi and tell him that Ben rescued them and they were on their way out, asking him to pick her up from Ashdod. Romi texted her friends and family that a friend of Gaya’s from work (Ben) came to rescue them and that they were on their way out. After a short drive of a few kilometers at a crazy speed, during which Ben was on the phone with Jessica, he told her that he saw figures ahead and asked, “Are they terrorists? Arabs?” Immediately after, Jessica heard gunfire and screams. At 10:12 AM, at the Alumim Junction, they encountered an ambush by terrorists who slaughtered them.

The car stopped, and Ben and Gaya were murdered on the spot. Ofir and Romi were injured and half an hour later, kidnapped to Gaza. All this was recorded on a phone call between Romi and her mother, Mirav. After 54 days, we learned that Ofir was murdered in captivity at Shifa Hospital, and his body was found and returned for burial in Israel. As of today (ten months after October 7th, at the time of this writing), Romi is still held captive by Hamas, and we all pray for her safe return to her family, healthy in body and soul. Ben and Gaya were declared missing for five days. After extensive searches and understanding that something terrible had happened, we hoped that perhaps they were injured or even kidnapped, but the bitter news came. Ben planned to continue living life to the fullest and build his life his way, but fate chose for him to die a hero. Ben left behind a grieving family, friends, and a girlfriend who miss him, are proud of him, and love him deeply.

[reginaofdoctorwho]

if anyone wants to recommend musicals to me I would fucking adore that. Until then, here are some suggestions:

Love in Hate Nation-- LET’S GO LESBIANS! 1960s sapphic love story taking place in a girls’ reformatory. Also, trans girl played by trans actress!!! Some of the amazing songs are “I Hope” and “Oh Well”. Susannah Son wants to be a singer, her performative activist boyfriend is gross and also wants her to marry him so he’ll have better options politically. Sheila Nail is so fucking cool and I love everyone in this. My brain cuts out about this I’m so sorry babes. There is not a cast recording but there IS an original cast bootleg on youtube.

Holy Musical B@man!-- If you liked the goofiness of 1960s Batman and Robin, but think “man, these guys should’ve been able to swear! And also should have had a candy themed villain!” this is the musical for you. Also if you’ve heard of the very queer Harry Potter musical that JK herself tried to sue over, it’s made by the same group <3. As usual with Team Starkid, whole thing is up for free on youtube by the creators.

Firebringer-- Speaking of the same group... Cave people sapphics who I think are bi or pan. I love them and they’re all so dumb. Also, if you’ve seen the “I don’t really wanna do the work today” vine, that comes from this. I do not remember any of the second half other than one of them taking the ring the other is proposing with... to propose. And the “*blows kiss*” “fuck no, Zazz” “duly noted”. Kind of like a shitpost musical. Once again, free by creators. Actually, check out any of their musicals.

The Prom-- In Indiana, Emma just wants to take her girlfriend to the prom, and in response, the PTA cancels it. With some help from some broadway actors looking for good publicity, they manage to pull it off. So, to summarize, teen lesbian gets gay uncle who knows what she’s going through!! This musical makes me cry every goddamn time. There is a movie now, and I’m very happy about that because *high profile gay rep on netflix*, but I personally did not like the direction they took with it. They put a weird amount of emphasis on biological rather than found family in the movie, and were a little too forgiving when it came to trauma from family for being gay. Also, they took away Emma being butch. This was sadly (loosely) based on a recent true story from I think 2012. Also, was the first gay kiss in the Macy’s parade. You know those movie musicals the straight girls in theater like? The music is similar, but gayer, and for some reason that makes me so fuckng happy. I think it’s because non-queer people have had musicals for so long, and those normally have a 60s vibe, and the music in this does too and it feels more classic?? Sapphic promposal song (het at the beginning). “Unruly Heart” and the end of Act 1 will break you. Please ignore the bad wigs.

Spies Are Forever-- GAY SPIES GAY SPIES GAY SPIES!! Curt Mega (played by... Curt Mega) lost his partner Owen during a mission. Now, he’s just trying to get back into spying like Owen would want. I fucking weep every time. Also, a song about comphet (at 6:36)!! And here is a video essay on how it relates to the Lavender Scare. I want you all to know that everyone also headcanons the femme fatale spy in it as either a lesbian or aroace, which uh, makes sense. Also high quality videos put up by creators. They had Jewish people making fun of Nazis while writing this, but “Not so Bad” is... kinda bad. “Torture Tango” has so much goddamn sexual tension and becomes devastating.

Hadestown--  If you know the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, it’s like that, except capitalism part 1. Orpheus is a poor musician, Eurydice dies, just like the myth. Except, the Great Depression post-apocalyptic setting that works better than it probably should. There are actually 3 soundtracks: the concept album, off-Broadway, and Broadway. I personally don’t like the concept album purely based on vibe. Off-Broadway has an absolutely gorgeous sounding Orpheus, and if you’ve heard of the disaster that was Spiderman: Turn Out the Dark, then you’ve heard of surprisingly amazing Broadway Orpheus Reeve Carney. The Fates are gorgeous and I’ve decided they’re queer. Tony’s performance link here. Explores relationships, with Hades and Persephone’s aging relationship mirrored by Orpheus and Eurydice’s relatively new one. Anyway, unionize.

Jasper in Deadland-- If you know the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, it’s like that, except capitalism part 2. Jasper is a teen who’s best friend Agnes is pretty much the one good thing left in his life. His mom left, he got kicked off the swim team (he’s manic pixie dream boy in this, especially for swimming), and Agnes dies at the beginning trying to show Jasper that she’s brave and he should be too. So, he bravely ventures into Deadland to find her, meeting Gretchen the tour guide along the way. He also finds out that since he’s still living, he can bring memories back to the dead. Songs like “Stroke by Stroke” (he’s uh, definitely a teen, guys) and “Living Dead” (I shared a prinxiety animatic of that on here a while ago).They blend Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Christian, and whatever Dante’s Inferno counts as together to create Deadland. Story’s kinda hard to follow from the soundtrack, so if u wanna learn how it all ties together message me.

Death Note Musical-- Okay babes, here’s where it gets tough. It was written originally in English, and there is a spectacular English concept album, but the only productions have been in South Korea, Japan, and I think Taiwan. Listen to it anyways, find a bootleg of it with english subtitles. It has so much gay tension and also a truly ethereal character who seems to be a lesbian who is also either demisexual or demiromantic. If any of y’all saw the anime like me, it kind of cuts out the arc after episode 26. I personally thought it was actually a better story for it.

Alice by Heart-- Okay, this one makes me fucking cry every goddamn time. In WW2, these poor goddamn kids are all alone in the Tube System (is that what y’all call it? genuinely asking here) with none of their parents but still some grownups. Alice’s best friend Alfred is dying of tuberculosis, and to try to have one last thing together they start reading Alice in Wonderland, only for Nurse Hart to rip it apart to try to separate healthy Alice from dying-from-TB Alfred. It doesn’t work, and Alice proclaims she “knows it all by heart”, She tries to linger in the story with Alfred to have more time with him, he keeps trying to move it along because he’s dying and wants to finish it one last time. Themes are growing up and grief I guess.

Last I checked, there is a bootleg for all of these on youtube. Have fun!

[deniigi]

what’s one of your fics you’re super proud about?

oh man.

I’m proud of like 95% of my fics, to be honest. But if I had to pick a couple that are like, near and dear to my heart they would be

Onwards - Spiderman.

This is a piece about Peter trying to heal himself and remember who he was after a period of being so self-sacrificing that he was almost self-harming.

It’s an emotional piece that I think conveys my own homesickness and pride in the Bay Area, where I myself found home. And there are parts of it which represent the struggles that I have watched my dearest friends go through while trying desperately to help the people around them get to a position of security and stability.

Wavelengths - Starwars, Dinluke.

This is a recent piece that I wrote with a Luke Skywalker and Din Djarin who are both on the ace spectrum and who got married due to extenuating circumstances and political reasons. As they finally settle into married life, they start running into all these expectations around sex and this fic shows them messily trying to negotiate that. Luke in this piece is almost sex-repulsed and has an extremely difficult time letting himself be intimate with others due to a great deal of trauma. Din in this fic is not sex repulsed, but struggles when sex comes with emotions attached to it; he experiences a great deal of guilt after he has sex with other people and so often abstains.

This piece is super fresh in my mind because it conveys a lot of the experiences that I have personally had as a person on the ace spectrum when it comes to expectations around sex.

Tangle them roots - Spiderman.

This was one of my first goes at writing ITSV Miles and in it Miles’s dad Jefferson is wrongfully arrested; Miles is taken to his limit trying to figure out how to negotiate that as a young black man, a cop’s son, and as a new Spiderman.

This piece was a revamp of the very first piece I did in the Dumpster Fires Verse, called giving notice. I wrote this piece to explore a similar situation but from Miles’s perspective and even though they came from the same place, Peter and Miles’s experiences are so vastly different that I was amazed with the result of the two fics, especially when they are set together.

Inimitable - Spiderman.

This is obviously my baby. My child. My favorite of all favorites. It follows the experience of a Spiderman who grows up in the context of Team Red and the Avengers, but who grows apart from them after a while. He leaves NYC to do grad school, then shit happens and he has to return to bring the city back to order, and to do so, he has to reassemble his old teams and relationships, which have changed so, so much as he’s gotten older.

This fic and the resulting series is everything that I’ve ever wanted from Spiderman. This Peter (Tats Spidey, as he’s later called) is a Spiderman that I feel like I can absolutely call my own. He’s wild, he’s gentle, he’s an overthinker, he’s hypercompetent, he’s jaded, he’s hilarious, he’s suave, but super anxious and awkward and self-depreciating.

If people read Inimitable and understand it as a love song to Spiderman and the people who he represents in this series, then I am happy for that to be my legacy in the fandom.

Shipwrecks - Spiderman, Spideytorch.

This piece is an exploration of Spideytorch with a Peter who is both neurodivergent and more culturally/religiously Jewish than any other I’ve written. Shipwrecks follows a Johnny Storm and Peter Parker who got together as teenagers and then broke up due to their diverging life experiences and priorities. In this last piece of the series, they are trying to get back together again.

This fic was me trying to figure out how Spideytorch could actually work as a real, no-belief-suspended ship. When I wrote it, I was overwhelmingly frustrated, trying to understand how to bring these characters together and I tried again and again to make it work. But there was no smoothness to the narrative. It had to be jagged and then it had to be exceedingly painful in parts. I realized a lot about who Peter Parker was to me in writing this. 

So those are my current top five since I could never pick just one!

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Wherever They May Roam: Dave Mustaine

Dave Mustaine was born on September 13, 1961 in La Mesa, California. His heritage is that of German, Jewish, Irish, Finnish, and Scottish. His family also were practicing Jehovah’s Witnesses. His childhood growing up emerged as a very difficult one as his father embodied a violent alcoholic. His father and mother would divorce when he was only four years old. Mustaine had two sisters that were so much older than him that he thought of his siblings more as aunts. In high school, Mustaine began to use hard drugs very early, eventually working as a drug dealer. Through his customers, he began to learn about British metal bands like Judas Priest. He even had one client that would pay for his drugs with record albums. His first band emerged with Panic in the very early 1980’s. This was a very short lived group as the drummer and one of their sound techs died on the night of their second show. The band slowly started to disintegrate with the final straw being that the rhythm guitarist also died within a year. They never made any official recordings, nor a demo.

In 1981, Mustaine responded to an ad posted in a local newspaper The Recycler from Lars Ulrich seeking a lead guitarist for a new band. The guitarist recalls his first meeting with Ulrich and James Hetfield. "I was in the room warming up and I walked out and asked, 'Well, am I gonna audition or what?', and they said, 'No, you've got the job.' I couldn't believe how easy it had been and suggested that we get some beer to celebrate." They began to record their first album Kill ‘Em All in 1983, but problems had immediately come to the surface related to Mustaine’s membership in the band. Brian Slagel of Metal Blade Records recalls the recording of that album. “Dave was an incredibly talented guy but he also had an incredibly large problem with alcohol and drugs. He'd get wasted and become a real crazy person, a raging megalomaniac, and the other guys just couldn't deal with that after a while. I mean, they all drank of course, but Dave drank more… much more. I could see they were beginning to get fed up of seeing Dave drunk out of his mind all the time." The first time he was fired from the band came after he brought a dog to a recording. The dog jumped on the car of bassist Ron McGovney causing the paint job to be damaged. James Hetfield upon seeing this kicked the dog in a fit of anger, which led to a huge altercation with Mustaine. After the initial termination, he begged the other members to let him back into the group. They did grant him this request, so his firing was canceled. Another incident occurred when Mustaine poured beer into McGovney’s bass guitar, who was unaware when he began to plug it in. He then received a tremendous electric shock leading to him kicking both Mustaine and James Hetfield out of his house. The bass player would leave Metallica shortly after that. In April 1983, the group traveled to New York to record their debut album, but upon arrival they decided to officially fire Dave Mustaine from the group. They cited the reasons of alcohol and drug abuse, aggressive behavior, too many altercations. The band drove him to the Port Authority bus terminal and put the former Metalica guitarist on one back to California. The amount of collaboration Mustaine had with the band in those early days has always been a debate between the current Metalica and him. He would co-write four songs on Kill ‘Em All, as well as two more songs from Ride the Lightning. The songwriter has unsuccessfully contended that he also helped with “Leper Messiah” from Master of Puppets. Upon returning to San Francisco, he worked very briefly as a telemarketer, would leave this job upon earning enough money to get an apartment in Los Angeles. Mustaine would start a very short lived group called Fallen Angels with two of his coworkers from that telemarketing job. The group never played a live show or recorded anything as Mustaine later commented on the group. “We lacked the chemistry, the energy, the spark—or whatever you want to call it—that gives a band life in its infancy."

The guitarist would soon befriend a neighbor living a floor below his apartment that first began as a confrontation. His name was Dave Ellefson, who would soon join Mustaine‘s new lineup for what would become Megadeth. Originally, he was still utilizing the name from his previous effort, Fallen Angels. He had wanted any group that he played with now to present more thought provoking lyrics and a more precise, intense brand of metal music. A drummer Lee Rausch and guitarist Kerry King would join this initial lineup only to be replaced by Gar Samuelson and Chris Polish respectively. In the case of King, he went back to his original group, Slayer. Megadeth's debut album would be released in 1985 on Combat Records entitled Killing Is My Business. The group received a great amount of buzz that by the time they recorded the second album the band had signed to a major label, Capitol Records. The second album, Peace Sells, But Who’s Buying would go on to become a thrash metal classic earning gold record status. Throughout the 1980’s and early 1990’s, the only two members to be a constant with the band were Mustaine and Dave Ellefson. Other members of the group consistently changed from album to album as Mustaine’s addictions to drugs and alcohol only got worse. He would finally quit drugs and alcohol in the late 1990’s permanently. The amazing thing was despite these addictions, the band led by Mustaine in writing all the songs made mostly quality albums like 1992's Countdown to Extinction, 1994's Youthanasia, and 1997's Cryptic Writings. The only one that was really perceived as a mediocre effort came in 1988 with So Far So Good So What. This would be followed by Rust in Peace, which represented a record that made people think that Mustaine was finally clean and sober. Unfortunately, he would use the rest of the decade to struggle with those demons.

In 2002, the guitarist briefly disbanded Megadeth after a serious arm injury caused him to rethink how he would even be able to play in the future. He was able to successfully rehab from this injury, so the band went on, but with an entirely new lineup. This meant that long time collaborator Dave Ellefson was asked to leave the group. He would not return to Megadeth until 2010. Dave’s reasoning at the time was that he asked too much for his own songs to be played. “I hated being around these guys so when the arm injury happened, it was a welcome relief and an indication that I had to stop." In 2003, Mustaine also turned to Christianity. He began to look at other areas besides the beliefs held by Jehovah’s Witnesses. His description of this transformation was described in a way only Mustaine could possibly describe. “Looking up at the cross, I said six simple words, 'What have I got to lose?' Afterwards my whole life has changed. It's been hard, but I wouldn't change it for anything. Rather go my whole life believing that there is a God and find out there isn't than live my whole life thinking there isn't a God and then find out, when I die, that there is." As had always been the case with the band, Megadeth would release a new album every 2 to 3 years almost like clockwork. In 2010, Mustaine would release his autobiography entitled A Life in Metal. By this time, the war with former bandmates in Metallica began to thaw a bit. He would play five songs with the band at their 30th anniversary concert. A year later they would all tour together as part of the Big Four tour including Anthrax and Slayer as well. Surprisingly, the guitarist has been happily married since 1991 with a son and a daughter. More recently, health issues have come to the forefront including spinal stenosis which he claims was from years of headbanging. In 2019, Mustaine was diagnosed with throat cancer, but he says now that he is cancer free. One thing overall that has always concerned Mustaine is his legacy and place in the history of heavy metal guitarists. He has always been supremely confident in his ability as he noted in this interview. “To be the No. 1 rated guitar player in the world is a gift from God and I'm stoked about it…” In 2009, he gave an interview to Classic Rock Magazine that revealed this telling insight into the man. Mustaine was talking about learning he had been named the number one heavy metal guitarist ever in a book by Joel McIver. “It was especially sweet when I found out that Joel has written books on Metallica. Every page I turned, I became more excited. I get to Number 5 and it's Kirk Hammett, and I thought, 'Thank you, God'. At that point it didn't matter [which position I was]. To be better than both of them [James Hetfield and Hammett] meant so much – it's been one of the pet peeves of my career and I've never known how to deal with it. All I thought was – I win!" Upon reading this statement, one could partially see why Lars Ulrich and James Hetfield did not want him in the group.

[adevotedappraisal]

Magdalene by FKA Twigs, a review.

I’ve been learning some shit from women from as long as I’ve been alive. Always some other shit that I never asked for but I got told it.  I used to treat them things they said as laws as a child, but I never saw them in a book, so then I stopped believing them.  They were always hushed laws though, laws told with squinted eyes and italicized whispers, laws told when no one else was around.

I mean, now of course men make the real laws that we know and live by.  Well come on now, we write them on parchment, and display them on lights, we code them into computers, inscribe them on coins and stone. But these women…man women tell you some other shit, like glue shit, in low, muttered tones in the quiet part of the house.  Like advice on… well not how the world works, but how to deal with the world when it works against you, and how to make it work for you. But you see, I’ve come to believe that the fairer sex tells you different laws than the vaunted laws and advice of our fathers because they all around see the world differently than men do.  They may, in fact, have been harbouring different goals than us all along.  

I mean for christssakes us men have our hero’s journey as clear as day, writ large and indelible across history books and entertainment.  You could take that Joseph Campbell mono-myth theory and see it expressed in Arthurian swash-buckle, the middle earth ring-slaying of Tolkien, or in the recently concluded tri-trilogy of Star Wars galactic clashes.  We’re in the empire business, as Breaking Bad’s Walter White infamously said.  But still, the question always lingered to me: what is the heroine’s journey? Is it really just a lady in a knight’s armour? Or some tough-as-nails spy for some interloping government’s intelligence agency, delivering kidney kicks in a designer pencil skirt?

Well, I’ve come to believe that the heroine’s journey is navigating the waves of history we imperial and trans-national men make from our railroads and pipelines, our satellites and wars, them at once preserving a culture and sparking a path and creating a bond between cultures in order for them and their (il)legitimate brood to survive.  That old chestnut about how behind every successful man is a woman always unnerved me by its easy adoption. I kept thinking ‘bout that woman.  I kept thinking, what the fuck was she thinking?

You see women’s heroes, they ain’t as clear as day to me.  They don’t kill the dragon, they don’t save the townspeople, they don’t shoot the Sherriff, or the deputy, or anyone most times. When I ask people in public at my job what super power they would like, most men go for strength, flight, and regenerative abilities (my pick).  Most women went with mind reading and flight. In late night conversations though, with the moonlight coming through the white blinds and resting soft on us like so, I sometimes manage to hear that women’s heroes heal and clean the sick of the nation, in sneakers with heels as round as a childhood eraser; they feed a family with one fish and five slices of wonder bread; they would run gambling spots in the back of their house, putting the needle back on the Commodores record and patrolling the perimeter of the smoked-out room with a black .45 nested by their love handles; they climb up flag poles and speak out loud in public for the disposed and teach children those unwritten, floating laws while cloistered in the quiet part of the house.  

Although their heroines are sometimes from the top strata of society –a Pharaoh here, an Eleanor Roosevelt there, an Oprah over there—they also name a healthy mix of radicals and weirdos with modest music success, people like Susan B. Anthony, Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf, or Nikki Giovanni, I mean did Nina Simone or Janis Joplin even crack the Billboard top ten? Yet there they are, up on the walls of a thousand college dorms across the country.  So even though I couldn’t’ve foreseen it, it makes sense that of all the ultra-natural creatures, of all the great conquering kings and divining prophets of the Holy Bible, Mary Magdalene ends up the spirit animal for the album of the year for 2019.

Mary Magdalene was a follower of Jewish Rabbi Jesus during the first century, according to the four Gospels of the New Testament of the Bible, a figure who was present for his miracles, his crucifixion and was the first to witness him after his resurrection.  From Pope Gregory I in the sixth century to Pope Paul VI in 1969, the Roman Catholic Church portrayed her as a prostitute, a sinful woman who had seven demons exorcised from her.  Medieval legends of the thirteenth century describe her as a wealthy woman who went to France and performed miracles, while in the apocryphal text The Gospel of Mary, translated in the mid-twentieth century, she is Jesus’ most trusted disciple who teaches the other apostles of the savior’s private philosophies.

Due to this range of description from varying figures in society, she gets portrayed in differing ways, by all types of women, each finding a part of Magdalene to explain themselves through.  Barbra Hershey, in the first half of Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) plays her as a firm and mysterious guide, a rebellious older cousin almost, while Yvonne Elliman, in Norman Jewison’s 1973 film adaptation of Lloyd Weber’s Jesus Christ Superstar is lovelorn and tender throughout, a proud witness of the Word being written for the first time.  In “Mary Magdalene,” FKA Twigs, the Birmingham UK alt-soul singer, describes the woman as a “creature of desire”, and she talks about possessing a “sacred geometry,” and later on in the song she tells us of “a nurturing breath that could stroke you/ divine confidence, a woman’s war, unoccupied history.” Her vocals that sound glassy and spectral in the solemn echoes of the acapella first third, co-produced by Benny Blanco, turn sensual and emotive when the blocky groove kicks in.  That groove comes into its own on the Nicolas Jaar produced back third, and when this all is adorned with plucked arpeggios it sounds like an autumnal sister to the wintry prowl of Bjork’s “Hidden Place” from her still excellent Vespertine (2001). 

This blending of the affairs of the body and of Christian theology is found in the moody “Holy Terrain” as well.  While it is too hermetic and subdued to have been an effective single, it still works really well as an album track.  In this arena, Future is not the hopped up king of the club, but a vulnerable star, with shaded eyes and a heart wrapped up in love and chemicals, sending his girl to church with drug money to pay tithes.  Over a domesticated trap beat he shows a vulnerable bond that can exist, wailing his sins and his devotion like a tipsy boyfriend does in the middle of a party, or perhaps like John the Baptist did, during one of his frenzied sermons, possessed and wailing “if you pray for me I know you play for keeps, calling my name, calling my name/ taking the feeling of promethazine away.”

Magdalene, the singer’s sophomore release, takes the mysterious power and resonance of this biblical anti-heroine, and involves its songs with her, these emotional, multi-textured songs about fame, pain and the break up with movie star boyfriend Robert Pattinson.  With “Sad Day,” Twigs sings with a delicate yet emotional yearning, imbued with a Kate Bush domesticity. The synth pads are a pulsing murmur, and the vocal samples are chopped and rendered into lonely, twisting figures.  The drums crash in only every once in a while, just enough to reset the tension and carve out an electronic groove, while the rest of the thing is an exercise in mood and restraint, the production by twigs, Jaar and Blanco, along with Cashmere Cat and Skrillex, leaves her laments cosseted in a floating sound, distant yet dense and tumultuous, the way approaching storm clouds can feel.   Meanwhile “Thousand Eyes” is a choir of Twigs, some voices cluttered and glittering, some others echoed and filled with dolour. “If you walk away it starts a thousand eyes,” she sings, the line starting off as pleading advice and by the close of the song ending up a warning in reverb, the vintage synths and updated DAWs used to create these sparse, aural haunts where the choral of shes and the digital ghosts of memory can echo around her whispered confessional.

In many of these divorce albums, the other party’s role in the conflict is laid bare in scathing terms: the wife that “didn’t have to use the son of mine, to keep me in line” from Marvin Gaye’s Here My Dear from 1979; the players who “only love you when they’re playin’” as Stevie Nicks sang on Fleetwood Macs Rumours (1977); or as Beyonce’s Lemonade (2017) charges, the husband that needs “to call Becky with the good hair.”   At first though, Twigs is diplomatic, like in “Home with me,” where she lays the conflict on both sides here, expressing the rigours of fame, the miscommunication –accidental or intentional –that fracture relationships, and the violent, tenuous silence of a house where one of the members is in some another country doing god knows what, physically or mentally. “I didn’t know you were lonely, if you’d just told me I’d be home with you,” she sings in the chorus over a lonely piano, while the verse sections have the piano chords flanked by blocks of glitch, and littered with flitched-off synths. Then, the last chorus swirls the words again, along with the strings and horns and everything into a rising crescendo of regret.

Later in the album however, her anger once smoldering is set alight, in the dramatic highlight “Fallen Alien.” Twigs sings with an increasing tension, as her agile voice morphs from confused, pouting girlfriend to towering lady of the manor, launching imprecations towards a past lover and perhaps fame itself. “I was waiting for you, on the outside, don’t tell me what you want ‘cuz I know you lie,” she sings, and, after the tension ratchets up becomes “when the lights are on, I know you, see you’re grey from all the lies you tell,” and then later on we have her sneering out loud “now hold me close, so tender, when you fall asleep I’ll kick you down.”  All while pondering pianos drop like rain from an awning, tick-tocking mini-snares and skittering noises flit across the beat like summer insects, the kicks of which are like an insistent, inquisitive knocking at the door, and then there’s that sample, filtered into an incandescent flame, crackling an  I FEEL THE LIGHTNING BLAST! all over the song like the arc of a Tesla coil. The song is a shocking rebuke, and it becomes apparent upon replays that the songs are sequenced to lead up to and away from it, the gravitational weight giving a shape and pace to the whole album.  Because of this, the other songs on Magdalene have more tempered, subtle electronic hues and tones, as if the seductive future soul of 2013s “Water Me” from EP2, and the inventive, booming experimentation of “Glass & Patron” from 2015s M3LL1SSX, were pursed back and restrained until it was needed most, and this results in an album more accomplished, nuanced and focused than her impressive but inconsistent debut LP1 (reviewed here).  

This technique of electronic restraint has shown up in the most recent albums by experimental pioneers, with the sparse, mournful tension of Radiohead’s A Moon Shaped Pool (2017), it’s cold, analog synths and digital embellishments cresting on the periphery of the song, and with Wilco’s Ode to Joy from last year, an album bereft of their lauded static and electric scrawl, mostly embossed in acoustic solitude and brittle, wintery guitar licks.  Twigs and her co-producers take the same knack for the most part throughout the album, like with closer “Cellophane,” where the dramatic voice and piano are in the forefront, while effects crunch lightly in the background like static electricity in a stretched sweater, and elsewhere, as the synths of “Daybed” slowly intensify into a sparkling soundscape, as if manufacturing an awakening sunrise through a bedroom window.  And it is this seamless melding of organic and electronic instruments, to express these wretched and fleeting emotions of heartbreak that makes this the album of the year.

It makes sense that an artist like FKA Twigs would be drawn to a figure like Mary Magdalene.  Of the many Marys in the New Testament, she stuck out as palpably different, or rather, she depicted a differing part of womanhood than the other two.  She wasn’t the chaste, life-giving mother of Jesus, or the dutiful Mary of Clopas. Instead, Magdalene was this mixture of sexuality and spirituality, one of those figures that managed to know men and women in equal measure, wrapped up with the blood as well as the flesh.  Twigs also played with this enrapturing sexuality in her work, writhing around in bed begging some papi to pacify her and fuck her while she stared at the sun, then making you identify with the lamentations of video girls, and then telling you in two weeks you won’t even recognize who you were seeing before.  There was something mysterious and layered to her millennial art-chick sexpot act though, layers that have begun to be revealed with this album.  

We realise now, that what she was depicting all along was more like the sexual heat that lays underneath devotion, as opposed to fleeting, mayfly lust, and that she now understands the weight and half-life of love.  That is, that beyond the sex and patron and fame there is a near sacred love we build between each other for a while in time, lasting as long as both hands can bear to hold it, and also that the death of a relationship still has the memory of the love created warm within it that then radiates off slow into the air.  A love that then falls into our minds for safekeeping dark and unobstructed now, the way Jesus’ blood fell from his wound into Joseph of Arimathea’s grail held aloft.  

“I never met a hero like me in a sci-fi,” FKA Twigs sings, an evocative line less so for the hegemonic patriarchy of the worldwide movie and comic book industry suggested by ‘the sci-fi’ here, and more for the ‘hero like me’ part, which suggests she had to make her hero origin story all up, without the scaffolding of centuries of relatable mythologies, presenting us with an avatar of millennial love, in all of its tortured luster.  And you hear this type of love in her voice, no longer changed up and ran through a filter for Future Soul sophistication most times, but out in the open now, to express particular emotions, whether it’s in that swooping, falling ‘I’ in the heart-break closer “Cellophane,” or her assured realisation, later on “Home With Me” where she says “But I’d save a life if I thought it belonged to you/ Mary Magdalene would never let her loved ones down.”  

It’s never about how to conquer with these women you see.  In the end of all relationships it’s how they find their way out after us temporarily embarrassed conquerors are about to leave, jacket slung over shoulder, standing by the door. You squint your eyes back at her this time, and you listen this time, while she tells you, or tells the ground in front of you, what parts of love to let go of, and what parts are worth holding on to in this age of Satan, the parts that will help you become yourself. “I wonder if you think that I could never help you fly,” the song tells you then, one of those stinging admissions that only women come up with, and you wisely stay silent, and then the piano chords part, the synths subside. And for a while there as she looks at you, as the breathy sortilege in the song keeps going, it all sounds like something worth believing in again.  And then, the words she says to you start to come across like laws.

[barisifictionarchive]

Author: sarahcakes613

Preferred Name: sarah

Have any events in your personal life ever influenced the things that you've written? 

Oh 100% - I often write little moments and experiences from my life into my characters lives. It's usually the silly stuff, I try not to let my traumas influence my writing because that's depressing af and I don't like writing angst!

That being said, my only chapfic to date is a Game of Thrones story about sobriety and recovery, and the idea came to me while I was sitting in a church basement watching someone I love receive a multiyear sobriety medallion. That story pulled a lot of it's core dialogue and traits from this person in my life and was largely inspired by the pride and love I feel for addicts in recovery.

Do you have a favorite movie? 

I love visually strong storytelling, so the Lord of the Rings trilogy is up there. I also love Mel Brooks comedies, especially Blazing Saddles and Robin Hood Men in Tights.

Who is your favorite author? 

Leonard Cohen only wrote two novels in his life but they're both perfect examples of their genres. In recent years, I've become a huge fan of Cat Sebastian, her queer regency romances are absolutely charming feel-good bites of chocolate.

How did you start getting involved in fanfiction?

I've been reading it since high school, but never felt like I had a fandom story of my own to tell. In 2015, I was heavily involved in the Game of Thrones fandom on Tumblr, particularly for the ship Sansan (Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark) and began participating in the occasional drabble/prompt challenge just for fun. In 2016, a bunch of us decided to collaborate on a supremely cracky circus AU. I'd already written a handful of things but that was when my interest in writing fic took off. And the ladies I met writing that are still some of my absolute best friends!

How did you get involved with Barisi?

It was VERY roundabout. I watched SVU on occasion back when I had cable and I do remember watching both Barba and Sonny, but nothing about them stuck out to me in terms of shipping, probably because SVU was always a pretty casual watch for me so I never looked at it with fandom goggles. I got really into Raul Esparza's voice over this past winter (I have no idea what triggered that interest, probably a random Youtube find) so occasionally in searching I would see SVU gifsets on Tumblr and was like ah yes, I remember them, but again, never really stuck in my mind.

Meanwhile, sometimes when I'm looking for a new read, I'll choose a tag at random and just scroll for something that looks interesting. This past February I somehow wound up in the tag for Konmari/Marie Kondo, and found the fic Tidying Up by Robin Hood (kjack89). I thought it was absolutely the sweetest dang thing and started adding more Barisi fic to my marked-for-later page. Then in March, I actually started going through them and in one month I read about 200 stories.

What inspires you to write? 

The Barisi fandom is easily the most inspiring group of people I've ever talked to, with all the back and forth on Twitter with ideas and music and gifsets and headcanons, it all sparks ideas! Music especially, I'll see a whole story play out in my head over the course of a four minute song. I'm also often inspired by an aesthetic image, I'll see a pretty photo and want to write an entire story based around it.

What is your favorite fic that you have written? 

Oh my god Karen you can't just ask someone what their favourite fic they've written is. There are definitely multiple answers.

The fic I'm proudest of is Gods Grant Me the Serenity, the Game of Thrones chapfic I mentioned - it's "only" 20k but it took me 3 years to write because it was sometimes so painful to explore that relationship.

I also really love a gen/non-ship fic I wrote called The Holy or the Broken, which is a series of vignettes that explores each of the Avengers and their relationship to their own Jewish faith. Because all the Avengers are Jewish. I said so, and therefore it's true. I loved exploring aspects of my faith through fic, and the response was extremely gratifying.

My favourite Barisi fic that I have written is "I'll use you as a focal point (so I don't lose sight of what I want)" because it's the first one I wrote. When I first started exploring Barisi, I found the Archive on Tumblr and had a look at the prompt page. I saw one that really spoke to me but I was reluctant to do anything with it, because I was like, do I really want to start writing for a totally new fandom that I'm only just barely in? But then I went for it, and I haven't looked back!

What is your favorite quote from a fic of yours?

Oh man, you expect me to remember what I wrote?? The cheesy answer is all of it is my favourite, because I'm actually quite proud of my writing.

This may not be my #1 favourite, but it's definitely one that stands out, from my Barisi story Perfect situations must go wrong:

"Don’t you get it, Rafi?” Sonny asks, his voice so low it’s almost a whisper. “A life bond like ours, it’s a living thing. The beginning of our story is just that, a beginning. We chose the steps that came after. How can you say none of that was real?"

What is your personal favorite fanfic? (Can be any fandom)

OOF. In Barisi, well, I did just post two whole full rec bingo cards on Twitter, so I have a LOT of faves, but A Healing Year by anni_scovill is one of my favourite fics of all time, Barisi or otherwise. Throwing it back to other fandoms, the story Kiss the Girl by Jillypups is the definitive Game of Thrones modern AU Sansan. It's also the origin of the tag you've almost definitely seen floating around, "tale as old as time, burn as slow as fuck". I'm not a big fan of kidfic but Jillypups wrote a really engaging and realistic original child character who steals the show in every scene she is in.I have a few other favourites in other fandoms, some a little spicier than others. I can rec fic all day long, to be honest! If anyone ever wants recs outside Barisi in Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Game of Thrones, or Marvel, my DMs are always open!!

Anything else you would like to add? 

I'm extraordinarily honoured to have been asked to do this. I've been a published Barisi author for just under three months and in that time I've already written 50k words over 27 stories. I have 32 stories in the Game of Thrones tag and that is after six YEARS in the fandom. When I say you all are the most inspiring and motivational bunch, oh boy do I mean it!

A question you’d like to ask another author?

When I finally finished Gods Grant Me the Serenity, I swore I'd never write another chapfic, or at least never begin posting one until the entire thing was done. How do you keep yourself motivated to keep updating ongoing fics? How far in advance do you plot/plan? Tell me all your secrets for being a successful chapfic writer!!

[straightouttagershwin]

Breaking Legs, Crushing Dreams

Witches, haunted opera houses, small-town diners, the founding fathers, and a magical Scottish town. These unusual topics are dazzling Broadway musicals loved by thousands. Musicals are a brilliant show of song, dance, and story that almost everyone can relate to. Every theatre kid has a role they would do anything to play. Unfortunately, casting bias based on race, gender, or sexuality, could make it difficult . In the past, most characters could be played by straight, white, cisgender actors. In today’s theatre world, that is being challenged. Why should there be a “basic” type of actor, and why should they get all of the parts? When people see themselves represented, it matters. It is especially important in youth development. Casting people of color, LGBTQ+ actors, and gender swapping, can change lives. A recent challenge to the status quo is the historical hip-hop musical, Hamilton. Casting a black man as George Washington, an Asian woman as Eliza Hamilton, and a Puerto Rican man as Alexander Hamilton himself, shocked audiences everywhere and opened up eyes to the possibilities of casting shows. 

Ten years ago, a black man playing George Washington was unheard of. Why did modern day genius, Lin-Manuel Miranda, decide to challenge that? To tell “...the story of America then, told by America now.” What exactly does that mean though? Miranda wanted to tell the almost unbelievable story of America’s creation. But he wanted to tell it through the mouths of the immigrants the country was built on (Quiñónez). The founding fathers were young, rebellious, and brave. They went against their king to fight for freedom and justice for all, but to them, “all” was all white men. Through Hamilton, the people left out of  “all men were created equal” get a chance to tell the story. The good, the bad, and everything inbewtween. Black men get to tell the story of soldiers fighting for the abolition of slavery, Latinx, Asian, and Black women have the opportunity to pay respects to some of the first feminists, and continue to spread the message of equality to the next generation. 

The characters in Hamilton are all based on real people. Because of this, there is debate about whether there should be a line between fantasy and reality in casting. A popular example is Wicked. The story takes place before the events in The Wizard of Oz and includes many of the same characters. Wicked has been on Broadway for 16 years. This year, the first woman of color portrayed the deuteragonist, Glinda. Why did it take so long for this to happen? It’s unlikely that is was malicious. The casting directors did not sit in their offices and throw every woman of color’s headshot in the garbage. It is also quite unlikely that it was completely by chance. The reason was most likely somewhere in the middle. In 2003, Kristin Chenoweth originated the role of Glinda. Chenoweth is tiny, blonde, and white. This description was used in casting every Glinda after her, and very rarely changed. As stated in the Wicked Wiki page, there have been 32 Glindas on Broadway. 32, and only one was a woman of color. So when it did change, people noticed. Brittney Johnson made history in January 2019. She became the first woman of color to play Glinda on Broadway. She made headlines in the theatre community, and made hearts swell, as she gushed about how much it meant to be playing the character. In an Instagram post, the actress told about her excitement, “My hope and prayer is that people see my story and have faith that they can achieve their dreams too. Nothing is impossible! And no dream is too big.” The dream she speaks of, is crashing through the stigma of a white woman playing a beloved character. Through this, she shows kids, adults, and everyone in between, that they too can bring a character to life. 

Aside from race, there are several other factors that could cause someone to not get a role in a show. Gender is a debated trait in modern theatre. Should characters be able to be gender swapped? Most argue that there are some roles that can be gender swapped, and some that cannot. And some believe that all characters should be cast as written. A recent example of gender swapping in a professional role is the character Old Joe in Waitress. Up until late 2018, the role was for a man, and played by one. In December 2018, the writers and directors decided to change that. When beloved actress June Squibb came to see the show, the creative team got an idea. They immediately decided to change the role to Old Josie, and cast Squibb in the part. “In this moment of time, it seems like a wonderful brush stroke to make the owner a woman-a strong, savvy business woman who is trying to help another woman find her footing.” says book writer, Jessie Nelson. Old Josie was loved by audiences and actors everywhere. But would the same love go to other characters?

 In the recent past, I acted in a production of  The Little Mermaid. A friend of mine tried out for Ursula, and had a shot at the role, except that this friend is a boy. He has the vocal range, the acting skills, and everything else necessary to play the character. But unfortunately, he wasn’t considered for the role. There are a lot of possible reasons for this. The conservative town, the young audience, or the views of the casting team, but it all comes down to the same reason. Our brains are trained to think that boys should play boys and girls should play girls. But is that even a factor here? The casting of mythical creatures has always been interesting to me. They’re fake, so there’s no reason for people to put any restrictions on who can play them. 

Religion is another casting factor in theatre. Most of the characters in the famous show, The Fiddler on the Roof are Jewish. Does this mean they should only be played by those of Jewish faith? In most cases, religion isn’t an issue in casting. But when it comes to religions that have been discriminated against, there are arguments. Religions such as Islam, Judaism, and Hinduism are the most argued about. Because the people of these religions have been treated so poorly and given so little chance to be represented, when a character identifies as one of them, it’s important. Some argue that a person not of these religions should not play characters that are, because the young people of the religion deserve to see someone like them, playing someone like them. This is especially important for hijabi characters. Women who wear the traditional headdresses are tormented in public, have their hijabs ripped off, and are mocked and laughed at for their choice. So to put a random actress in a hijab for a show, seems wrong to those who undergo the discrimination every day. 

Although America is supposed to be a haven for people of all backgrounds, racism is still a frequent issue. The iconic retelling of star crossed lovers, West Side Story, has been subject to a lot of whitewashing. To whitewash is to cast a white actor in a person of color’s role. In the 1961 film version of the show, the lead female character, Maria, a Puerto Rican girl, is played by Natalie Wood, a Russian woman. This casting, though common in it’s time, was offensive to the entire Latin community. Essentially telling them that their actresses were not good enough to play the character. However, the show is getting another chance. Set to be released in 2020, Steven Speilberg’s remake of West Side Story stars Rachel Zegler, a Colombian teenager, ready to take on the world as Maria. Zegler has spoken out several times about how important representation is. Millions of fans are awaiting seeing a true Latin Maria on the silver screen. 

Sexuality is becoming a more and more important factor in casting every day. Recently, the Tony winning show, The Prom, has been in talks to become a movie. The show centers around two girls who want to go to prom together as a couple, but the school administration shuts down the prom in retaliation. Young queer kids everywhere were thrilled when the movie was announced. They were less thrilled when the casting possibilities were announced. When it was announced that Ariana Grande would be playing the main character, Alyssa Greene, fans were not happy. In the Broadway show, Alyssa was played by a queer woman of color, and as far as we know, Grande is neither. Casting LGBTQ+ actors as LGBTQ+ characters is extremely important to the audience. If a character is “straight-washed” it takes away part of the identity the original actor brought to the stage. It also takes a role from an actor that could play it with more honesty, emotion, and feeling, because they have shared experiences with the character. 

Kelli Jolly has been involved in theatre for a long time. From growing up a dancer and actress, to choreographing shows, to becoming the president of a theatre organization, she pretty much lives and breathes it. When asked how casting has changed in her time in the theatre, Jolly said that it has changed a lot. “Directors are casting in creative ways to bring a story to life in a different way than the story has been portrayed in the past. It is exciting to watch different versions of the same play or musical with non-traditional casting.” Those like Jolly, who have theatre in every part of their lives, are excited to see change and creativity in shows. They are also excited to watch what the new generation of actors tell the same stories, in a whole new way. A group of 16 actors, directors, and stage managers were asked if (aside from characters that are written with a specific race, sexuality, or religious belief) casting should be blind, and 94% said yes. The world is changing, and theatre is changing with it. 

Casting should be based on talent first. Casting an actor that does not deserve the role is wrong, no matter their race, gender, or religion. Characters can and should morph as the times change. Aiming to be more inclusive and to better represent the world around them. But if a character is a certain way for a reason, the actor should reflect that. Seeing yourself represented in media is important. Having diverse actors can help make that a reality for more people.  

Works Cited

Fierberg, Ruthie. “Why Sara Bareilles, Diane Paulus, and Jessie Nelson Changed Waitress' Old Joe to Josie.” Playbill, PLAYBILL INC., 18 Nov. 2018, www.playbill.com/article/why-sara-bareilles-diane-paulus-and-jessie-nelson-changed-waitress-old-joe-to-josie.

Person, and ProfilePage. “Brittney Johnson on Instagram: ‘My Heart Is Bursting with Gratitude. Thank You, Thank You! God Is so Good! I Am so Humbled to Be the First Black Glinda and Honored to...".” Instagram, www.instagram.com/p/BsgWkRehCVo/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=dlfix.

Rogo, Paula. “This Actress Just Made History As First Black Woman To Play Glinda In Broadway's 'Wicked'.” Essence, Essence, 14 Jan. 2019, www.essence.com/entertainment/this-actress-just-made-history-as-first-black-woman-to-play-glinda-in-broadways-wicked/.

Samberg, Joel. “Fiddler on the Roof.” My Jewish Learning, My Jewish Learning, 6 Jan. 2004, www.myjewishlearning.com/article/fiddler-on-the-roof/.

[pea-milk]

Get to know me tag 🌙

I was tagged by the lovely @fourfinefreshfishforyou and @rosymiel . Thank you!

I tag @dafadolly  @early-grape  @simulationcowboy @bratsims @obi-uhie@crescentcrustacean @cupidlet @ridgeport @faaeish @herbalbrew and anyone else who would like to do it. (Also you dont have to do this if ya dont wanna. It’s a lot of questions lmao)

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Eliav somethin somethin

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Eli...?? I sometimes go by ben

3. BIRTHDAY? 1st of September

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? None

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Aliens probably

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Toni Morrison or David Sedaris

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? NPR or this one french music station once awhile. 

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? Ah either spicy anything or a nice fruity flavor with vanilla

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? “Oh Cool” or just literally great/wonderful

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Railroad Bill - Andrew Bird or Sabor a Mi - Kali Uchis

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Orke / Gide or anythin with hard “ch” 

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? You Are The Light - Jens Lekman

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Uh Dark! I recently watched it and it was good!

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN?  The Ritual. Its a good horror movie.

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? Yes. But not like...hardcore? I dont like online multi player just like casual games. I will however become a hardcore gamer once I get my lil goblin hands on Red Dead Redemption 2. Yeehaw.

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Idk why but I think it’s bad luck to name your fears out loud. 

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? Mm...Humour? 

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I lack...empathy ...and have a very hard time relating to people

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? I like both.

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Autumn.

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? No.

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? Being able to just be...loose? Just not have to worry about things.

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? I’d like to say my highschool “bestfriends” but we havent talked in a hot while.

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Hazel

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Dirty Blonde

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? Hm.

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? No one lmao

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? Not a specific individual but just...people who’ve left my life? People I dont talk to or see. Just wonderin how life goes for them.

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? Uh, not in a longterm sense, but just being in the apartment alone and going to work.

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Small deviances.

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Courage the Cowardly Dog, Hey, Arnold or Country Mouse City Mouse.

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? Hmm...No one? 

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? Somewhat.

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? No.

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? Behind.

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? Gardening.

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Calypso - David Sedaris

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Ballad of Buster Scruggs. 

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I used to play violin and clarinet.

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Wombats.

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? I like just sorta weird aesthetic blogs or overall blogs with no general direction.

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? Shape-shifting or just like bein immortal but the kind where, if for example, my head were to be chopped off from my body, I’d just be a conscious, bastard head.

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? In my room or a quiet cafe while it rains outside.

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? Small things. Nothin real specific

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I used to do track and lacrosse. I hated both.

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Lavender Lemonade or a Cappuccino. 

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? Yesterday. I write post-cards to a ceramic teacher that I still keep in touch with. He’s a very funny man. 

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Depends.

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? Sloppiness. Just general disorganization. (Also loud chewing)

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? Yes.

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? I dont generally eat heavy meats. Especially red because I vomit if I do. I eat a lot of fish though.

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? An Undertaker. I met one at a friends funeral, she was very interesting.

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? Hmm. Maybe a rural-ized time locked town? Or a cabin in the middle of a foggy evergreen wood, not really fantasy I suppose.

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? Health.

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? No.

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? If it’s a rock ballad in the middle a long road trip with friends, yes, but mostly I sing when alone.

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? Yes. Alot.

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? I’ve tiny places, or just moments that I enjoy.

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? A lot of places. Mostly rural.

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? Two Dogs. Zelda and Charlie.

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? Night Owl.

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Both.

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? No. Im gay.

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? Earbuds.

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Yes.

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? No specific genre.

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? ...No one

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? Not recently.

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? Selfishness.

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? Physical copies are nice. I like the smell.

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? I’m not in school but uh Math. Art.

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? 1

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Vanilla Extract.

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 179cm

75. CAN YOU COOK? Yes. I bake for a living. I make a mean puff pastry.

76. WHAT ARE THREE FOUR THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? Smelling spices, like cinnamon, red peppers, hard rain, when my dog snores.

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? Sweat, being yelled at, alcohol

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? More male identifying friends.

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Bi. More lenient towards male identifying individuals.

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? The US.

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? My Manager.

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Thursday.

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? None really. Just the weird video once awhile. Like “will it blend.”

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? Yes and no.

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? ????

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? I get along with my mother when I can. Father could be dead for all I care.

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? Any accent.

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Too many places

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? I like 8 I suppose

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? No.

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? I was raised under a Jewish household, but as I’ve gotten older and more bitter, I’ve grown out of faith. However, I still identify as Jewish.

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? Yes and Yes.

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? Sometimes. Depends.

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? Peanuts.

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Yes.

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? No.

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? If I act wrongly to someone I apologize right away.

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Both.

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? None.

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? Yes.

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Ravenclaw?

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? Once awhile.

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? Introvert.

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? Not anymore.

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? Yes and No. If its absolutely awful, then I’m quick to cut ties.

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? If there’s cash, take it. Return everything else. Sorry. 

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? Yes. As long as they keep accountability for there actions. 

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? In certain areas, but hardly.

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Yes.

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? I did, but they closed up.

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? None really.

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? No.

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? Seeing a psychologist.

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? Somewhat.

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? Yes.

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? Probably.

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? The best friends I havent talked to in a while.

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? There’s a lot.

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? Yes.

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? Black. Earth tones. Problem Patterns.

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? Sometimes

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? Yes.

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 19

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? None.

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? Both

[queenofcats17]

Epic

I’ve written BATIM fics to Hadestown songs before. But I recently rediscovered this song, and I wanted to write it. This video held a lot of inspiration too. 

This story is very much about my version of Joey, but the song works for many of them, I believe.

@halfusek ‘s Abomination also heavily influenced this.

Heavy and hard is the heart of the king King of iron, king of steel The heart of the king loves everything Like the hammer loves the nail

Joey Drew had long since convinced himself that the world was against him. A lifetime of bullying and ostracization had told him that no one was ever going to support him. The school had never done anything to help him. His parents had brought up the subject time after time, and the administration had said they’d do something. But they never did. Because he was different. The administration couldn’t very well tell the students not to beat up the sickly Jewish kid, right? After quite a while of this, his older sister Esther just started beating up those who dared hurt her brother. Of course, most had been quick to demonize her for this, but it had made Joey feel better. 

“You don’t need to beat them up,” Joey said as Esther cleaned off the fresh scrape on her knee. “Everybody just gets mad at you for it.” Their parents had told her off for getting into another fight, especially given she was about to go into high school. They were more worried about her than anything else, though, unlike the school administration. They didn’t know how much they could protect her. 

“So?” Esther didn’t look up, wincing a bit as she applied the rubbing alcohol to her scrape. “They hurt you, so they deserve to be hurt back.”

“But Ma and Pa are always really mad when you beat them up.” Joey hugged his knees, trying to hide his smile.

“I don’t care.” Esther looked up, her eyes meeting his. “You’re my brother and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.” 

At the time, he’d felt comforted by her words. He felt better knowing that she was on his side. But then she’d gotten into high school, and she’d turned her back on him like everyone else. Suddenly she had responsibilities and expectations to uphold. Suddenly, she didn’t have time for him anymore. His parents weren’t much better, in his opinion. They too talked about expectations and responsibilities. 

“A career in the arts is rather risky, don’t you think?” They’d say. “Are you sure you’d be able to get by?" They were always talking about money, if he’d be able to make a living, if he’d be comfortable. Their families had had nothing when they’d come here. They knew what it was to be hungry. Their worry had nothing to do with his abilities. But to Joey, barely 18 and angry at everything, it felt as though they didn’t believe in him. So, he decided that he didn’t need friends nor family. Obviously, everyone would only abandon him in the end. They’d never believed in him anyway. If he wanted to be successful, he had to harden his heart. He couldn’t let anyone get in the way of his ambition. 

After Henry had left, he’d hardened his heart once more. He’d thought Henry would stay. He’d thought Henry would support him, would share in his dreams and be by his side forever. But Henry too had abandoned him. Everyone left in the end. And so Joey’s talk of dreams grew hollow. Not even he believed himself anymore.

But the heart of a man is a simple one Small and soft, flesh and blood And all that it loves is a woman A woman is all that it loves

He had moments of what he called weakness, of course. Moments where he missed his family, missed having friends, missed having people to support him. But he knew how to deal with those moments of weakness. He knew how to numb his feelings to make sure they didn’t bother him. Alcohol usually did the job well enough. He’d sit in his office, drinking until he couldn’t see or think straight. 

“You shouldn’t drink so much, sir,” Grant told him whenever he found Joey doing this. “It’s bad for you.” 

“Shut up,” Joey growled from behind his bottle. “Just give me the reports and get out.” There were very few who had seen him in this state. Grant was one of them because Joey knew Grant could keep his mouth shut. And so, Grant bowed his head, put the reports on the table, and left. 

Alone once more, Joey cursed his heart. No matter how hard he tried, these moments always crept up on him. Some little thing would happen and remind him of better days, of what he’d once had. He’d gotten rid of any reminders of Henry in the years after his friend had left, and no one dared speak Henry’s name for fear of setting Joey off. For all his smiles and talk of dreams, Joey was a cruel and unforgiving person. Sammy was the only one who could talk back to him without getting fired. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Drew?!” Sammy yelled, slamming his hands on Joey’s desk. 

“Is something wrong, Sammy?” Joey asked, trying to hide the slight slur in his words. That day hadn’t been a particularly good one. It was the anniversary of the founding of the studio, a reminder to Joey that the man he’d thought he could depend on had left him high and dry. Sure, Henry visited, he sent letters, but it did nothing to mend Joey’s broken heart. He’d coped with it the way he always did. By drinking. 

“You’re giving me two days to write three songs,” Sammy growled. “That’s not enough time and you know it.” 

“I’m sure you can do it,” Joey said dismissively. “If you can’t, I’ll find another music director.” Sammy was about to launch into a tirade but suddenly stopped. He leaned closer, eyes narrowed, and sniffed.

“Have you been drinking?” He asked, his voice softening. He looked genuinely concerned. Immediately, Joey felt rage well up in his chest. 

“That’s none of your business, Lawrence.” He snapped. “Are you going to get me the songs or not?” But Sammy was undeterred.

“Are you alright?” He asked, leaning on the desk. “You can tell me if you’re not.”

“I’m fine.” Joey gritted his teeth, forcing himself to smile. “Don’t you have songs to write? We’re on a deadline. I won’t have you missing it.”

“You’re not alright.” Sammy insisted. “I can smell the alcohol on your breath, Joey. What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I’m fine.”

Sammy drew back a bit, eyes narrowing in thought. Then recognition passed over his face. 

“Oh...” He stood up. “It’s the anniversary of the founding of the studio.”

“Yes, it is. But that’s not important.” Joey’s smile was so wide and so clearly forced it looked unnatural. “You should get back to work, Sammy.”

“You know you can talk to me if you need to.” Sammy moved to lean on the desk again, to get close to Joey. Joey shoved him as hard as he could, sending the music director stumbling backward. 

“I don’t need your pity. I’m paying you to work, not to hold my hand and play shrink.” He growled, letting the facade drop. “If you can’t do your job, I’ll find someone who can. Do you understand?” For a moment, Sammy looked hurt. Then his face settled into a mask of irritated indifference. 

“I understand.” His voice was monotone as he turned and left. Joey collapsed back into his chair, fishing out his nearly empty bottle of whatever booze he’d picked up from the liquor store. It didn’t matter what it was. Just so long as it got him drunk.

And Hades is King of the scythe and the sword He covers the world in the color of rust He scrapes the sky and scars the earth And he comes down heavy and hard on us

He taught himself not to care about other people, to put his own success and happiness first. Nothing else mattered as long as he survived and his name was remembered. He wasn’t a good boss, he knew that full well. He pushed his employees further than they were able to go, demanded more of them than he should have. Sammy and Grant were perpetually on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of him, the animators were overworked and underpaid, the studio was hemorrhaging money, and that wasn’t even touching on the absolute mess with Bendy Land. 

His employees talked behind his back, sure, saying that they didn’t understand what he was doing with the company. But when push came to shove, they were afraid of him. They’d do what he asked because he was the one with the power. He was king in this studio, holding their souls in the palms of his hands. Whether they liked it or not, they would give up their lives for the sake of his dream. Their lives were inconsequential. They didn’t matter. No one mattered but him. 

He was justified he told himself as he sliced Norman’s neck, the blood soaking into his white shirt and staining his skin rust red. The projectionist had been poking around, snooping in on Joey’s plans. He’d gone looking and had found the grotesque version of Bendy that the GENT Ink Machine had produced.

“You should have left well enough alone.” He whispered as he watched the light fade from the older man’s eyes. He didn’t enjoy this. The killing. He liked having the power over other people, but the process of killing was...messy. It wasn’t a pleasurable experience for him. Some part of him was sickened by the killing. But it was necessary. No one would stop him. 

He dragged Norman’s body to one of the coffins, setting it beside the one that held Susie’s body. She’d been one of the earliest sacrifices. So eager to reclaim Alice Angel. It still tickled him how easy it had been to manipulate her into giving up her life. Sammy had been furious with him, of course, but Joey had managed to talk him around to it. 

“She’s happy. She’s embodying the role she loves. Besides, now she’ll be young and beautiful forever!” Joey had told him. “She’ll never have to worry about losing roles because she’s getting too old or she’s not pretty enough. Don’t you want her to have security?” 

Susie was a sweet girl, but so terribly insecure. Both Joey and Sammy knew this. Her insecurity was what had driven her away from Sammy and into Joey’s arms. From what Joey could tell, she’d always been riddled with anxieties. Always afraid of not being good enough, not being pretty enough. She’d been voicing Alice Angel for years when Joey decided to replace her, so it was natural that she’d grow attached to the character. Of course, he didn’t really think Allison could do better. He just needed a reason to make Susie desperate. 

Allison herself had been rather unaffected by Joey, but that was only because Thomas had stepped in and protected her. Joey wasn’t sure if she knew what he’d done. She was always polite and courteous to him, so he imagined she didn’t. Still, she was much more confident in herself than Susie was, and thus harder to manipulate. She could be flattered, yes, but that only went so far. He knew he couldn’t seduce her the way he had Susie, nor could he prey on her insecurities. Her only weakness was Thomas, and Joey wasn’t eager to take on the other man in a fight.

It was their fault for falling for his manipulation, he told himself. If they were smarter, they wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Of course, most weren’t fooled by his act. They could see through his bullshit smiles and fine words. But those who did believe him...Well, he didn’t let them get away.

But even that hardest of hearts unhardened Suddenly, when he saw her there Persephone in her mother’s garden Sun on her shoulders, wind in her hair

Joey had known he was gay since he’d been very young. He’d learned quickly not to publicize his attraction to men, especially after he’d been mercilessly bullied for kissing another boy on the playground, but it was still there. No amount of suppression would make it just go away. When he’d been 18, his attempts to harden his heart were much less successful than he’d hoped, especially after he met Henry. The moment he’d laid eyes on Henry, his heart had melted. Henry had always been rather babyfaced, but as a fresh-faced college student, he’d been downright cherubic. 

The two of them had run into each other on their first day of classes. Joey hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going, and neither had Henry apparently, so they’d run straight into each other. Joey wasn’t exactly in the best of moods, so he was prepared to scream at whoever had run into him. Until he saw Henry’s face. Henry was flat on his ass, his large glasses askew, his soft brown hair mussed in a way that was frankly adorable. He was wearing an oversized sweater, pants that were too big for him, and some beaten up loafers. He looked like just about every nerd Joey had gotten stuffed in lockers with, and yet infinitely cuter. His lips looked so soft and plush, and Joey just wanted to bury his face in the other boy’s fluffy hair. 

“Oh no! I’m so sorry!” Henry looked distraught, trying desperately to gather up his and Joey’s books. “I wasn’t looking where I was going. I-”

“I-It’s okay.” Joey cleared his throat, helping to gather the books as well. “I wasn’t looking where I was going either.”

“I guess we were both lost in our own worlds, huh?” Henry smiled. And Joey’s heart melted. 

“Yeah.” Joey smiled back, a tad awkwardly. “Um, I’m Joey. Joey Drew.” He held out a hand to the smaller boy. Henry stared at the offered hand for a moment before gingerly shaking it. 

“Henry. Henry Stein.” His smile turned shy. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“So, um, which class are you headed to?” Joey withdrew his hand, shoving it in his pocket. 

Henry fumbled his books a bit to pull out his schedule. “Umm...Introduction to Art History, room 406.”

“Me too!” Joey’s face lit up. 

“Really?” Henry brightened as well. “What a coincidence!”

“Maybe we could sit together,” Joey suggested, a hopeful note in his voice. He hadn’t been able to make a lot of friends since he’d come to the college. It didn’t help that he was living in a ratty apartment a mile from campus because he couldn’t afford on-campus housing. 

“I’d love that!” Henry gave him a big smile, and Joey’s heart melted. 

The smell of the flowers she held in her hand And the pollen that fell from her fingertips And suddenly Hades was only a man With a taste of nectar upon his lips, singing: La la la la la la la…

Being Henry’s friend was the best thing that had ever happened to Joey. For what felt like the first time in his life, he had a friend. Henry was in his corner, no matter what happened. He was Jewish too, although Joey had long since abandoned his faith. Absolutely no one was allowed to know about that part of him. He wanted to make something of himself, and he’d seen how being open about their heritage and faith had affected his parents. Even his sister hadn’t publicized her faith. Sometimes Joey wished he could find the comfort in religion that Henry and his family did. It would have been nice to have something he could believe in. 

Henry wasn’t ashamed of who he was. He had none of the persistent self-loathing that Joey did. When they’d met, Henry had admittedly still been figuring himself out. But even as the two of them grew into adulthood, Henry showed no signs of developing any kind of self-hatred. He proved to be easy-going and calm, reigning in Joey’s more manic tendencies. The two of them worked well together, especially once the studio was set up. Joey had the charisma and silver tongue to get through the business parts, as well as quite a lot of ideas, while Henry supplied the actual content.

Joey was never happier than when he was with Henry. Henry was such a genuinely good person, always polite and kind to everyone he met. Or at least, polite. There were some cases where he didn’t particularly want to be kind. He made Joey want to be a better person, always pushing him in the right direction or to do the right thing. He relied perhaps a bit too much on Henry to be his moral compass. Henry had never been one for confrontation, something Joey only really noticed in passing. He didn’t often speak out against Joey, tending instead to keep his grievances to himself. After all, his grievances were always rather small. Just little things. But as time went on, his grievances began to build. Still, he kept quiet, always telling himself he’d bring his complaints up at a later date. 

Then they’d opened the studio together. Henry had been seeing Linda for nearly a year at this point. He’d met her when he and Joey were working odd jobs in order to get up enough money to start the studio. Joey hadn’t been all that fond of her at first but had relented his displeasure after seeing how happy she made Henry. He was also a little scared Linda would beat him up. She was a small woman, but she’d been working a factory job when they’d met her. 

“This is it!” Joey said, wrapping an arm around Henry and pulling him closer. “Our own studio!”

“It is pretty exciting, huh?” Henry grinned, unable to stop himself from laughing. 

“Come on! You have to see the inside!” Joey let go of him, fumbling out some keys and opening the door with a flourish. Joey’s expression was enough to send Henry into another wave of laughter. His friend very much resembled an excited child, eager to show their parent something they were proud of. 

He stepped inside, looking curiously around. The hallways still smelled faintly of sawdust. Everything was new and fresh, completely untouched. Henry almost didn’t want to venture further in for fear of sullying this place with his presence. 

“What do you think?” Joey asked, striding in behind him. 

“Well, it’s great so far.” Henry glanced back at him with a smile. His excitement continued as he entered what seemed to be the main lobby. Until he saw the company name plastered onto three reels. 

“Joey Drew...Studios?” His smile fell a bit. He turned to Joey, who was standing nearby with an eager look on his face. “Why is the studio named after you?”

“I thought you said you didn’t mind being out of the spotlight?” Joey’s eager expression dampened a bit.

“I don’t. It just...” Henry pursed his lips, then sighed and shook his head. “You know, nevermind. It’s not important.”

“Are...Are you sure?” Joey asked. 

“I’m sure.” Henry nodded. “Now show me the rest of the studio.”

“Well, alright.” Joey gestured for him to follow. 

The rest of the tour went well, but Joey couldn’t put that moment from his mind. Henry had seemed rather upset to see Joey’s name on the wall and not his own. But Henry had said that he didn’t mind being out of the spotlight. So what was the problem with it? He tried to put it from his mind and focus on getting the studio off the ground. 

Norman, Sammy, and Wally were some of the first few to be hired. Both Henry and Joey had become friends with Sammy after working at a bar where he played music. He was responsible for bringing in most of the band, since he had more contacts in that field. Wally and Norman, meanwhile, had responded to ads put in the paper by the studio asking for a janitor and a projectionist. 

At first, Henry was the only animator they had. Joey trusted no one else to draw Bendy and Boris. Henry had always had a tendency to work himself harder than he should, but with Joey relying on him like this he’d gotten even worse. The other employees would often come in to find that Henry hadn’t gone home, finding him asleep at his desk or drinking an ungodly amount of coffee in order to keep going. Everyone became rather worried about him, especially Linda. 

She came by the studio a lot to check on Henry. Joey heard her talking to Henry in hushed tones whenever she visited. Occasionally, she’d stop in to say hello to Joey and ask how he was doing, but more often than not she just made a beeline for her husband’s desk. Joey mostly tried to stay out of her way, but he had a bad habit of eavesdropping when it came to Henry. 

“I’m fine, Lin, really.” Henry’s words were slurred by his lack of sleep. “I just need to meet this deadline.” 

“You say that every time.” Linda sighed. “You can’t keep going like this. You’ll end up killing yourself.”

“I’m not going to die.” Henry laughed, but the sound was hollow. Joey felt his heart sink at the sound of Henry’s voice. God, Henry sounded so tired. He wasn’t killing his best friend, was he? He quickly shook his head. That was ridiculous. If Henry felt he was being overworked, he would have told him. And so he walked away, failing to hear the rest of Linda and Henry’s conversation. 

“Well, have you at least talked to Joey?” Linda asked, glancing down the hallway to the staircase that led to Joey’s office. 

“Not...yet.” Henry hunched his shoulders, drawing into himself. “But I will. I promise, I will.”

“Henry...” Linda cupped her husband’s face in her hands. “You can’t keep putting it off.”

“I know...” Henry averted his gaze but lifted his hands to touch hers. “I just don’t want to bother him. The studio’s just getting off the ground, so we’ve all been busy. It wouldn’t be fair for me to dump my problems on him.”

“If he’s really your friend, he’ll understand.” Linda pulled away. “I hope you’ll be home for dinner tonight.” She knew full well he probably wouldn’t be. But she could hope.

As more time passed, Henry’s grievances began to build. He tried to push them down, but he was almost at his breaking point now. No matter how hard he tamped them down, they rose up again, constantly at the back of his mind.

Joey relied on him far too much to push him in the right direction. 

Joey took credit for work Henry had done. 

Joey expected far too much of him. 

Joey took and took and took and never gave anything. 

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. When he entered Joey’s office, his friend was a little surprised. Henry had a rather grim look on his face, one Joey was rather sure he hadn’t seen before.

“Is something wrong?” Joey asked, quickly shuffling away his paperwork. 

Henry took a deep breath, leaning on Joey’s desk. “We need to talk.”

“We...We do?” Joey felt his stomach begin to sink. 

“I can’t do this anymore, Joey.” Henry continued, his eyes on the floor. “I haven’t seen Linda in weeks now, I’m working so hard I can't remember what it’s like to sleep on an actual bed. It’s just...It’s too much.” Joey stared at him for a moment, licking his lips. Why did his mouth suddenly feel so dry?

“I...I understand.” He managed to force the words out, putting on a shaky smile. “I’m so sorry, Henry. I didn’t know how much pressure I was putting on you.” 

Henry immediately relaxed, as though a weight had been taken off his shoulders. “I know this was supposed to be our dream, but I really need to find somewhere else. I can’t work for you. You’re my best friend. I can’t be strictly professional around you.” 

“I understand.” Joey nodded again, his smile staying in place. But Henry could tell his friend was forcing himself to put up a happy front.

“I’m not leaving you, Joey.” He reached out and took Joey’s hand in his. “I’m still going to be here for you. I’ll visit. I just can’t work here anymore.” Joey looked down at Henry’s hands, admiring the callouses on Henry’s fingers and the ink that forever seemed to outline the ridges of his fingertips.

“I know.” His voice was soft as he lifted his gaze to meet Henry’s. “I hope you’ll be happier elsewhere.”

“Thank you.” Henry squeezed his hand. “And I hope you make this the most amazing studio the world has ever seen.”

Joey wished he could believe him.

And what has become of the heart of that man, Now that the man is King? What has become of the heart of that man, Now that he has everything?

One could count on one hand the number of people who brought up how much Joey had changed.  Wally was one, but that was only because he tended to just say whatever was on his mind without thinking. Sammy was the one who brought it up the most often. He was one of the original employees, after all. He’d seen Joey’s slow descent into madness and wasn’t afraid to call him out on it. 

”What happened to your dream?!” He demanded after Joey had given him yet another impossible deadline. 

“What does the deadline have to do with my ‘dream’?” Joey asked coolly. Grant had delivered that month’s expense reports, so Joey was already in a rather sour mood.

“You’re practically a slave driver now!” Sammy slammed his hands on the desk. “You’re working everyone too hard and expecting too much of us! You used to care about the employees here! Now you just treat them like machines!”

“I do care about my employees.” Joey looked the slightest bit offended. “I’m simply pushing you all so you can achieve your true potential.”

“Our true potential.” Sammy scoffed, drawing away and folding his arms. “That’s bullshit.”

“Well, it certainly worked for Susie.” 

Sammy stiffened at the mention of Susie. He hadn’t been allowed to see her since her transformation into Alice. Joey had told him that Susie didn’t want to see him, which was partially true. He also didn’t want Sammy undoing all of his hard work and showing Susie how she’d been manipulated. 

“Is she...She’s still alright, isn’t she?” His voice was much softer and he wouldn’t look at Joey. His fingers began to twitch as he fought the urge to start fidgeting. 

“She’s fine.” Joey smiled, folding his hands on his desk. “Although, if you keep pushing me, she might not continue to be.” 

“Don’t hurt her.” Sammy’s eyes snapped up. 

“Then keep doing your work.” Joey’s smile widened. 

“I can’t do it,” Sammy said, giving in to his desire to fidget. “There’s too much to be done and not enough time.”

“You just have to believe, Sammy.” Joey’s voice was soft and soothing. “Have faith in me.” A flash of annoyance passed across Sammy’s face, but he said nothing. 

“If you do as I say, everything will be fine.” Joey continued. “Now go on. You have songs to complete.” He gestured to the door. Sammy gritted his teeth and hung his head. Without another word, he turned and left the office. 

Joey sat back in his chair, satisfied by this outcome. Perhaps, though, he should pay a visit to Alice. It had been a bit since his last visit. She’d been a bit...emotional the last time. She was still upset about the whole debacle with Allison, not to mention that she hadn’t come out ‘perfect’ enough to earn Joey’s praise. 

He filed away the rest of his paperwork and headed to where Susie was. She was a floor or two up, along with a few other transformed employees. It was a bit sad that no one had asked where Wally had gone. Perhaps they were all happier now that he wasn’t constantly chattering in their ears. He’d been a terrible mechanic too. Joey hummed to himself as the elevator screeched upwards. He saw Thomas talking to Allison on one of the floors and waved. Thomas gave him a poisonous glare. 

“Hey, Mr. Drew.” The employee in charge of watching the ink creatures greeted him when he stepped off. They were a skinny kid of indeterminate race and gender who called themselves Adrien Amsel. They tended to blend into the background because everything about them was brown, from their hair to their clothes. Joey had just kind of found them on the street and decided they’d be a good person to hire since they didn’t ask any questions or care about much of anything. They had something that was like a reception desk or guard post. It was just a desk with a chair. 

“Hello, Adrien.” Joey strode out of the elevator. “How is my angel doing today?” 

Adrien shrugged, their gaze mostly on their book. “I mean, she hasn’t started screaming or anything.”

There was music coming from inside, which was probably a good sign. Joey moved to the door, looking over at Adrien. The teenager flipped a page. They were reading a copy of Grimm’s Fairytales.

“Fairytales, hm?” Joey paused with his hand on the doorknob. 

“It was a present from my godfather,” Adrien said. “I thought it’d be rude if I didn’t read it.”

“Alright.” Joey turned back to the door. “You know what to do if things get out of hand.”

“Yep.” Adrien gestured vaguely what looked like a fire extinguisher at their side. It wasn’t really a fire extinguisher. It was filled with acetone. Susie’s body was made of ink now, so acetone was a good deterrent for...unwanted behavior. 

Joey smiled and walked in, closing the door behind him. He was rather pleased with the scene he found before him. Alice was sitting in the middle of the room singing while the other ink creatures played instruments. They couldn’t play well, since most of them had malformed limbs, but they were playing all the same. A chorus for an angel. Boris was playing the clarinet, but it was wildly out of tune. Alice stopped, gently slapping Boris’ back. 

“What happened to your musicality?” She asked. “You’re great at the clarinet!” Boris looked sheepish, hunching his shoulders. 

“Don’t give him too hard of a time,” Joey said, entering the room with the pomp and circumstance he thought was necessary. “He’s still getting used to this new world.” Boris moved away from Joey, whimpering. Or at least, he was trying to whimper. Joey had made sure he couldn’t make any noise. 

“Joey!” Alice immediately stood up. She was the perfect image of Alice. But without a halo. He needed to find some way to get her a halo.

“Hello, my darling angel.” Joey walked forward, cupping Alice’s face in his hands. “You’re as lovely as ever.”

“I thought...You said I wasn’t perfect.” Alice lowered her eyes shyly, her cheeks coloring.

“You’re not perfect yet, but we will make you perfect.” Joey rubbed his thumb across her cheek. “After all, you’re my angel.” Alice smile, but then quickly looked back at him.

“But what about Allison?” She demanded, taking Joey’s hands off of her. “You aren’t going to replace me again, are you? You haven’t come back in a while. How am I supposed to know that you didn’t just decide you could do better with her?!” The ink around her began to bubble, the ink making up her body began to dribble. Boris whimpered, backing up. 

“I won’t replace you,” Joey assured her, keeping his cool. “In my eyes, you’re the only Alice. I only had Allison take the role to see if it would drive up sales. Obviously, the world wasn’t fooled.” He took her hand again. “You are the only Alice Angel.”

“...You better not be lying to me.” Alice stared at him. She hadn’t been a dangerous person as a human. But ink creatures had certain powers. And Alice was a very powerful ink creature. 

“I would never lie to you.” Joey kissed her cheek. He was lucky Susie had always fallen for this sort of thing. Lucky that she’d never picked up on his unrequited crush on Henry. Boris watched him warily, holding the clarinet to his chest as though it would save him. Joey kept smiling.

Alice seemed satisfied by this, a smile returning to her face. She walked back to where she’d been sitting, arranging herself primly on her chair. 

“So, what brings you here?” She asked. “You never visit anymore.”

“Things have been...busy,” Joey said slowly, sitting down next to her. “I’ve been dealing with quite a bit.”

“You’re always working so much nowadays.” Alice rested her head on his shoulder. Her horns dug into his shoulder a bit. “Always so serious.”

“I suppose you’re going to bring up how I’ve changed, hm?” Joey let the bitterness slip into his voice. 

Alice pulled away, her brow furrowed. “Did someone else bring it up?”

“Sammy did.” Joey’s smile fell a bit as his irritation became plain. “Kept talking about how I’d forgotten my ‘dream’. All of this is for my dream! I push them so that they can achieve their true potential! So that we can all be better!” He slammed his fist down on the chair beside him. All the other ink creatures had shied away from him at this, especially Boris. But Alice stayed.

“You have changed. But it’s not a bad thing.” She said, smiling and taking his arm. “Sammy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He never did.” Her nose wrinkled in disgust for a moment. “You’re making dreams come true.”

“Yes, I am.” Joey smiled back. “And it’s all thanks to you.” 

She was such a fool for trusting him. It would only bring her pain in the end. 

The more he has, the more he holds, The greater the weight of the world on his shoulders See how he labors beneath that load Afraid to look up, and afraid to let go And he keeps his head low, and he keeps his back bending He grows so afraid that he'll lose what he owns But what he doesn't know is that what he's defending Is already gone

The bigger the studio got, the tighter Joey held to it. No one could say he didn’t love this studio. Everything he did was to ensure its success. But somewhere along the way, his love had become twisted. He loved the studio as a possession, something he could own, something he could use. He loved his workers not as people, but as tools. Everything within the studio walls was his, and woe to anyone who tried to take what was his. The employees could call him incompetent all they liked. He was in charge. He couldn’t let this studio fail. He couldn’t. If he failed, then those who had doubted him would be right. He wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction. 

He became controlling, demanding perfection from everyone in the studio. 

Bertrum and Lacie tried to take it away from him. Bertrum had threatened to quit, to take all his plans and go elsewhere. He and Joey had been having an argument about it near the elevator shaft on Level S. Bertrum had his plans and blueprints shoved in a bag and clutched to his chest. 

“Bertie, please, you can’t leave.” Joey’s smile was forced and fragile. He felt he might snap at any moment. He knew he probably wasn’t going to get Bendyland off the ground. Not with Grant dead. They’d found the accountant hanging in his office. The pressure had gotten too much for him.

“Let me go, Mr. Drew!” Bertrum snapped. “There’s no point in me staying! This park clearly isn’t going to happen!” 

“It will happen! It will!” Joey was practically begging now, trying to grab at Bertrum as the park architect dodged him.

“You’re deranged!” Bertrum yelled. “A fool! I never should have agreed to work for you!” For a moment, Joey saw red. A fool?! He’d show him a fool! Before he knew what he was doing, he’d shoved Bertrum into the elevator shaft. He stood there, staring into the darkness, listening as the architect’s body hit the bottom of the shaft. He felt...relieved. Bertrum had been so irritating! Always questioning him! But Bertrum was gone now. 

“Bertie? I’ve got the rest of your....papers.” Lacie came walking up with another bundle of papers. She trailed off when she saw Joey standing in front of the shaft, Bertrum’s papers scattered about. She looked at Joey and she knew what he’d done. She dropped the papers and ran at him. All Joey had to do was step out of her way. Even then, she managed to grab one of his suspenders as she went by. If she was going down, she was taking him with her. Joey barely got a hold of the post on the edge of the shaft, and the jerk nearly sent him tumbling down. The only thing holding Lacie up was Joey’s suspender, and it wasn’t very strong. Lacie knew this. 

“I hope you rot in Hell, Drew.” She growled. Then the suspender snapped. Joey managed to pull himself back onto the landing. He sat there for a little, composing himself, then he threw the rest of the papers into the shaft. Everything was going to be fine, he told himself. It was all going to be fine. 

It wasn’t fine. He’d underestimated just how badly in debt they were. Esther was the one to give serve him the bankruptcy papers. Her firm wasn’t handling the case, but she’d wanted to serve it to him. She’d wanted to help him. Her eyes were tired and pleading and she promised she would help him. He didn’t want her help. He didn’t want anyone’s help. He had to find some way to fix this. He couldn’t lose everything he’d worked so hard for. So...He panicked. No one was going to take this away from him. No one. Everything here was his, everyone here was his. They would die for his dream. They had to. 

On the last official day of operation, Joey locked the doors to the studio and went down to where they kept the twisted copy of Bendy. He wasn’t allowed near the other creatures as they’d found he tended to...dissolve other ink creatures. He opened his spellbook and began to chant. He’d held a goodbye party in the breakroom, with provided cake and coffee. Everyone had gotten something. They hadn’t even noticed the inky taste in everything. As Joey chanted, the employees began to feel strange. Soon enough, they began to vomit, shocked and horrified when they saw they were throwing up ink. The ink continued to pour out of them, starting to consume them. The employees screamed, scrambling for the doors. Their panic and fear spiked when they found the doors were locked. Joey could hear their screams even from where he was. 

“This is my studio.” He said, closing the book. “No one is taking this away from me.” Bendy tilted its head to the side curiously. 

“Tommy said you needed a soul.” Joey smiled. “So I’ll give you a soul.” He wrapped his arms around the demon, allowing the ink to spread over him, consuming him whole. He’d wanted to live forever. Now he would. 

Where is the treasure inside your chest? Where is your pleasure? Where is your youth? Where is the man with his hat in his hands? Who stands in the garden with nothing to lose, singing: La la la la la la la…

It was all over now. The studio he’d worked so hard to build had crumbled, leaving him trapped in a hell of his mistakes, gazing out over his crooked empire and the people he’d destroyed. The dreams were gone. Had it been worth it? Had his actions been justified, in the end? 

He���d brought his creations to life, hadn't he? They walked and talked and breathed and thought, didn’t they? But...No. They didn’t.  Bendy had been born without a soul, and Joey’s fusion with him had produced a twisted and horrifying monstrosity. He’d taken Boris' voice, and all subsequent Borises lacked voices as well. Alice’s mind was fractured due to an ill-fated run-in with Joey himself. The Butcher Gang were twisted mockeries of their animated counterparts. None of it was right. None of it was the way it was supposed to be. And he knew it was his fault. He’d been so unwilling to let his studio go he’d turned it into a horror show. 

“You just have to believe.” He’d said that before, in an audio log. He wondered if he’d ever actually believed that before he’d adopted that persona to manipulate his workers. Henry had believed. Henry had always believed. Henry had always pushed him to do the right thing. Without his family there, Henry had been his moral compass. 

“He should have pushed harder.” He growled to himself, trapped within the ink, surrounded by the reminders of how he’d failed. Henry should have done something. Henry should have stopped him. Henry should never have left. If he could just get Henry back...Henry would fix things. Henry would put everything right! All he needed to do was get Henry back into the studio. Henry had the heart that Joey needed. Henry had always been the soul of the studio. If he could just get Henry back, then everything would be fine. It was Henry’s fault that this had happened, anyway.

But deep down, Joey knew that this was his fault. All of it was on him. He’d lost sight of what he and Henry had sought to create together. He’d lost sight of his dream, his happiness. He should have listened to the others, should have accepted their help, should have acknowledged his own shortcomings. He was in too deep, though. He’d become too wrapped up in his own ambition. He couldn’t just admit his mistakes now. And so, in the ink, he let his anger fuel him. The young man who’d stood side by side with Henry was gone. There was only a monster now. 

La la la la la la la…

La la la la la la la…

La la la la la la la…

[rat-a-tat-tatt]

Here’s a personal recommendation list for trans day of visibility, more on the transmasc side, as it’s media I’ve been enjoying and relating to throughout my transition so far.

Books

Beautiful Music for Ugly Children by Kirstin Cronn-Mills

Features a trans man in the beginning stages of socially transitioning in a small town while beginning to host a radio show. Very sarcastic, touching, and was deserving of the stonewall book award in 2014. It was written by a well-informed cis woman, uses slightly outdated language, and has an unsavory trope I’ve found in all books about trans people, but out of all the books wit FtM leads that I’ve read, it’s my favorite. CW transphobia, assault

Some Assembly Required by Arin Andrews

An autobiography from Arin Andrews about his junior year in high school, when he first starts transitioning socially and medically. It also documents his side of his relationship with Katie Rain Hill, a trans woman who wrote a book from her perspective titled “Rethinking Normal” CW Transphobia

Gender Failure by Ivan Coyote and Rae Spoon

A joint autobiography about two people sharing their stories of gender exploration and transition, and why they identify as gender failures. It acts almost as a novelization of a live show they toured together, and watching some of the clips from the show while reading it is a fantastic augmentation. CW transphobia

Beyond Magenta by Susan Kuklin

A compilation of interviews with six trans teens, they tell the story of their life and transitioning journey, with stories from people of different walks of life. This book lets the interviewees control the narrative of the story, and truly shows Kuklin’s skills in photography and writing. This book also earned the Stonewall Book Award and gives visibility to people who often don’t see any. As the interviewees control the narrative, any transphobia is not discussed heavily or vividly, it’s acknowledged and then they move on.

Musical Artists

Athens Boys Choir

If you want 90’s-2000’s hip-hop but also want it to be unapologetically queer and Jewish, then this is the artist for you! He mixes the style with spoken word poetry, so eac album as a mix of lighthearted songs celebrating diversity while having some that are performed as if he’s trying to heal his soul from the world.

Favorite Songs

The Metrosexual Threw Off My Gaydar

Mourner’s Prayer

Erasing Too Hard

Athens, GA

Ezra Furman

If you want some retro grungy alt-pop then he might be for you. While he isn’t trans, he identifies himself as androgynous and has some really relatable songs about being queer and gnc. Transangelic Exodus, his most recent album, tells the story of him running away with his lover from an unsupportive town.

Favorite Songs

Maraschino-Red Dress $8.99 at Goodwill

Body Was Made

Restless Year

Wobbly

This list is far from complete, but it’s just some of my favorites that I know fairly thoroughly. Feel free to add on with your favorite trans media!

[wellesleyunderground]

Wellesley Writes It: Jane Ridgeway ‘09 (@janeridgeway), Fiction Writer and Teacher

Photo by Jane Ridgeway.

Jane Ridgeway is a fiction writer born and raised in Seattle, now living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is the current Writer in Residence at the Kerouac Project of Orlando, Florida, living and writing in the house in which Jack Kerouac wrote The Dharma Bums. Her work appears in the Cover Stories anthology from Volt Books. She has an MFA in fiction from the University of Oregon, and has taught creative writing and literature at the U of O, as well as at prep schools in California and Hawai’i. Interview by Camille Bond ‘17, Wellesley Writes It series editor.

WU: Welcome, Jane, and thanks so much for chatting with the Wellesley Underground! One of your short stories was recently published in an anthology, Cover Stories. What is the story about?

So, as the title suggests, Cover Stories’ mission was to anthologize “cover” versions of other short stories—so you take a canonical (or not-so-canonical) story that you passionately love or hate, and you riff off of it, explore some particular facet of it, or write very literary fan fiction of it, essentially. It’s an exploration of that weird and glorious phenomenon in which, over the decades, a song can be transformed through the different covers of it that are performed by artists with radically different sensibilities.

My story, “Peredelkino,” is a take on Isaac Babel’s “My First Goose,” a personal favorite and a story that definitely haunts me. Babel’s narrator, Liutov, is this gentle, nervous Jewish intellectual who finds himself embedded with the incredibly violent Cossacks and has to find a way to integrate himself to survive—and because he finds himself both drawn to the sort of sexy, robust glamour of the soldiers and terrified of their brutality. My piece updates some of the same conflicts that Liutov experienced to the era of the Soviet purges of intellectuals carried out by the KGB (which took the lives of many artists, including Babel himself).

WU: As a fiction writer, are there specific themes or issues that you feel drawn to? How do you discuss these themes/issues in your writing?

Grief, loss, sex, queerness, mortality, the sturm und drang of being a teenage girl, the way the past keeps popping its head back up throughout a life/a century/a place’s history. People who try really hard to be good but aren’t very successful at it. For some reason, religion, which is certainly not because I want to espouse any particular set of beliefs through my writing, or even something I focus on deliberately—I just can’t seem to get away from it, even if I try to. I’m really interested in the stories we tell ourselves about the afterlife, and how that shapes the way we live.

WU: As an emerging fiction writer, you’ve been accepted as one of four annual residents at the Kerouac Project in Florida. Congratulations! Kerouac residents spend a season living in Kerouac Project housing and working on creative projects. What are you working on during your residency?

I’m now one month into the Kerouac and have been using my time to generate new short story material! When I accepted the Kerouac I self-imposed some pressure to come here and bang out an entire novel draft, which isn’t what’s happened so far. The Kerouac is gloriously unconstrained: I’ve been given time to work on any project I choose, so I’m taking advantage of that freedom to play a little, write outside of my usual range, and create things that aren’t geared toward any particular publication, workshop, etc.

WU: How do you hope to develop as a writer during your time at the Kerouac Project?

I’ve been greatly enjoying finding my rhythm and discovering a creative schedule that works for me outside the constraints of my usual day job and responsibilities. It’s also been an exercise in overcoming self-doubt, because when I first arrived I was walloped by a wave of uncertainty and impostor syndrome. Through some combination of “faking it till I make it” and adopting some of the swaggering ego of the Beat generation that permeates the Kerouac House, I’ve found a way through it. (Kerouac himself said, “You’re a genius all the time!” which feels awfully audacious, but I think we could all stand to borrow a little of the audacity of a man who wrote his unedited first drafts on a single continuous scroll of paper.)

WU: You previously worked as a staff writer at the Los Altos Town Crier newspaper. How, if at all, has your journalism career informed your creative writing?

Working at the paper was one of the happiest phases of my working life! I loved having an immediate and local audience of subscribers with a clear stake in the stories I was covering, rather than a hazy sense that someone might read my fiction years in the future after I’d painstakingly revised for months, spent a year or so waiting to hear back from lit mags, then many more months before publication. I also love the precise, straight-to-the-point journalistic style. (Readers of this interview may notice that my natural tendency leans to the verbose!) Having experienced journalists and a brilliant copy editor to learn from helped me write crisper prose. Coming out of an MFA writing literary fiction, I think I also took the (unproductive) attitude that all of my stories were delicate, precious creations that I couldn’t possibly let out of my hands until they were perfect. Working at a publication that publishes weekly taught me to work with a much tighter turnaround time, much more efficiently, with less unnecessary psychodrama. There’s a deadline—just get it done!

WU: You’re currently teaching in a prep school environment, and have also taught Creative Writing at the University of Oregon, where you studied for your MFA. How, if at all, has teaching the subject changed your perspective on the act of creative writing? How has it informed your development as a writer?

I wholeheartedly love teaching, even though I can’t exactly recommend it to aspiring writers on the grounds of short hours or great work-life balance! Teaching literature means I get to spend my days hanging out with some of my favorite stories, novels, and poems, and really thinking about how to break them down for a young audience. It’s great to admire literature, but it’s even more useful to know how it ticks! On a more woo-woo level, teaching has helped me as a writer because it’s balanced out some of my edges and helped me grow into a softer, more vulnerable, caring, and patient human. Which is hard as hell, and not something I’m sure I would ever have gotten good at otherwise, because that’s not my natural inclination! I’ve always tended to be a seething ball of snark and sarcasm, and, untempered, that’s no way to go through life! The writers I admire most are all able to observe how much humankind can suck without losing their love and compassion for what a desperate, scrappy lot we all are. Teaching gives you great respect for people (young or otherwise) who are trying their hardest. Being a person is hard! We shouldn’t dismiss how hard it is, even when people disappoint us.

WU: Can you tell us a bit about your background in theater, and how this background has informed your literary career?

Some useful lessons of a theater-kid background for writers:

Better to commit to a choice than to be boring

Say “yes, and”

Don’t write any dialogue so stilted your actors would be embarrassed to say it

Read everything out loud after you’ve written it

I actually first started writing seriously after a playwriting class in my senior year of high school resulted in a festival production of my short play. Watching the actors and director in rehearsal, hearing my words, realizing how I could make the work better, was one of the most electrifying experiences I’d ever had as a young person.

WU: Are there any teachers and/or students who have been particularly influential to you?

A long and glorious lineage, starting from my absolute miracle of a second-grade teacher who made me fall in love with Greek myths, to my brilliant high school English teachers who were tremendously overqualified to be teaching me grammar and who told me I could be a writer, to Prof. Erian at Wellesley who actually taught me how to edit, to the teachers who caught me as a proper adult and really kicked my butt into writing things that an audience other than myself might care about. Also, Ehud Havazelet, the stern fiction father figure who permanently broke me of the ability to use the word “impactful” or read it without a tinge of disgust.

Hillger → Culhane → Doelger → Aegerter → Erian → Kiesbye → Brown, Bradley, Havazelet

WU: You have described your thankfulness to belong to a network of writers and thinkers. How can Wellesley students and alumnx build similar networks around themselves?

I love knowing writers and artists and readers all over the country. A lot of my writer acquaintances come not from my grad program but from an eclectic network of youngsters who were all applying to grad school at the same time as me, and joined forces to share information behind the scenes on how well-funded programs were (among other things.) I’ve always found networking in the traditional sense grotesque and repellent, but I think there’s a lot to be said for finding other people who care about the things you care about, befriending them with no regard for whether they’re currently (or ever likely to be) in a position to help you, and generously sharing information that might be helpful. Do your best to root for other people’s success even though sometimes you’re going to feel bitter and jealous because you’re a human and, like all of us, you kind of suck sometimes. Also, don’t be a dickbag. We all know who the dickbags in a given community are.

WU: What is your approach to self-care?

I take a very pragmatic approach to self-care that wouldn’t play well in a glossy magazine! To me, self-care is about doing the things that will make my life better, like doing the dishes I don’t want to do, taking out the trash, and clearing my inbox, more so than ‘treating myself’, you know? This summer, this has included writing lots of snail mail, going running even when I don’t want to, and long, slow, inefficient cooking projects.

[womenofcolor15]

WHAT'S BEEF: Jay Electronica’s Album ‘A Written Testimony’ Has Joe Budden & Peter Rosenburg Feeling A Certain Type Of Way

Jay Electronica finally released his debut album, A Written Testimony, and it has ruffled some feathers. More inside…

Jay Electronica made a splash on the Hip Hop scene over a decade ago and he’s just now releasing his debut album…finally.

In 2007, he captured the ears of Hip Hop fans with Act I: Eternal Sunshine (The Pledge), which featured him rapping over the score for the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. An album was promised but it was never delivered…until now. And he’s causing a scene with a few Hip Hop heads.

After signing to Jay-Z’s Roc Nation in 2010, the New Orleans native released his debut album, A Written Testimony – with a guest feature from Jay-Z who raps on almost every track - last week. Rapper-turned-content creator Joe Budden’s recent podcast episode was dedicated to criticizing Electronica’s first studio album. You can listen below:

The podcast hosts kept reiterating that the album wasn’t a Jay Electronica album since Hov spits on almost every track. They also didn't like that Hov was the first person you heard on Electronica's debut album.

A fan tweeted Joe had no room to criticize Electronica’s album based off the success of his own rap career:

  Joe Budden hasn’t dropped a classic in his life and he’s critiquing Jay Electronica and Hov? pic.twitter.com/8whpkW3c4u

— 4EverShook (@4Evashook) March 14, 2020

  Electronica - who shares a daughter with Erykah Badu - got wind of their critique and responded to Joe’s co-host Rory and then Joe popped back:

"I never got absolutely mopped around on my own project either ... @ me, not Rory," Joe tweeted. 

"I never heard your albums bro. May Allah bless your career as a journalist," Electronica responded.

"I took you off yours & it's a Hov mixtape now... Peace be unto you as well King," Joe responded.

Electronica kept with the trolling, posting: 

  make sure yall give me my credit for lighting up that next podcast episode too. #DrakeIsMySpiritAnimal

— J A Y E L E C T R O N I C A (@JayElectronica) March 17, 2020

  "Make sure yall give me my credit for lighting up that next podcast episode too. #DrakeIsMySpiritAnimal," he tweeted.

Electronica's album also ruffled the feathers of HOT 97 radio host Peter Rosenberg. A Written Testimony makes a lot of references about race and religion and one lyric caused Rosenberg - who is Jewish - to respond because he feels like the lyric is anti-Semitic. Electronica - who is a devout Muslim - raps:

“And I bet you a Rothschild I get a bang for my dollar/the synagogue of Satan want me to hang by my collar"

  "My feet might fail me, my heart might ail me The synagogues of Satan might accuse or jail me"

Not feeling this bar from Jay Electronica and I know I'm not the only person who felt a way about it .

— Peter Rosenberg (@Rosenbergradio) March 14, 2020

    As a Jew it puts me in a bad position. I can ignore the fact that I instantly felt a pang of discomfort and offense and basically sell out my culture or I can be accused of being the "Jewish media" hating on this man. But it's how I felt. The line offended me.

— Peter Rosenberg (@Rosenbergradio) March 14, 2020

    It has been so long since hip hop has done that to me. It used to be commonplace for songs to have lines that were iffy and made me feel like "damn does this artist hate Jews?" Not in a minute. So thanks for throwing it back Jay.

— Peter Rosenberg (@Rosenbergradio) March 14, 2020

  Peter then realized he was reacting to lyrics from a different song:

  Apologies I quoted the wrong song ... when I googled "Synagogue of Satan" -- I mistakenly assumed Jay only said it once... this is the second time ... the line this time is "The synagogue of Satan want me to hang by my collar" . lol my bad..songs dope besides that cringe though

— Peter Rosenberg (@Rosenbergradio) March 14, 2020

  "Apologies I quoted the wrong song ... when I googled 'Synagogue of Satan' -- I mistakenly assumed Jay only said it once... this is the second time ... the line this time is 'The synagogue of Satan want me to hang by my collar' . lol my bad..songs dope besides that cringe though," he tweeted.

Electronica responded with a subliminal jab:

  clout chasing us at an all time high.

— J A Y E L E C T R O N I C A (@JayElectronica) March 15, 2020

  Then, he addressed Rosenberg directly:

  and btw, @Rosenbergradio if you REALLY wanna get into it, we are willing to hold a discussion in a PUBLIC FORUM on The Synagogue of Satan and it’s meaning with any Scholars of Theology you would like to bring. until then. STFU

— J A Y E L E C T R O N I C A (@JayElectronica) March 15, 2020

  "and btw, @Rosenbergradio if you REALLY wanna get into it, we are willing to hold a discussion in a PUBLIC FORUM on The Synagogue of Satan and it’s meaning with any Scholars of Theology you would like to bring. until then. STFU," Electronica tweeted.

The HOT 97 radio host said he's eager to talk it out on a public forum:

  I have a public forum everyday if you ever want to talk -- feel free ...

I am not the only good, supportive, hip hop loving person who was taken aback by some of these bars...happy to discuss it any time ..

— Peter Rosenberg (@Rosenbergradio) March 15, 2020

  "I have a public forum everyday if you ever want to talk -- feel free ... I am not the only good, supportive, hip hop loving person who was taken aback by some of these bars...happy to discuss it any time ..," he responded.

When the radio host went on the air on Monday, he addressed his Twitter exchange with Electronica:

This exchange didn't sit well with Rosenberg. He decided to take time away from Monday's installment of Ebro in the Morning to address Electronica's "aggressive response."

"It's no person's job from another group to tell another group when they should be offended," Rosenberg said around the clip's three-minute mark. "In the climate that we're in now, I found it dangerous and hurtful just as a Jewish hip-hop head. People wanted to come for me and villainize me for having feelings about my own group. ... This is just my opinion about words that offended me."

He continued "You can only have your group associated with Satan so many times before you're like 'What's going on?'" Rosenberg continued. "And I think I have that right."

Check it:

Complex delves deeper in the meaning behind the lyric and more:

Electronica purposely makes his lyrics difficult to decipher. Yet, when the Synagogues of Satan are mentioned in biblical texts, it refers to a group of Jewish people who use their religion as a front. These people hide behind Judaism to help them persecute other chosen people.

In 2012, Jewish bank heiress, Kate Rothschild, left her husband to pursue a relationship with Jay Electronica. Electronica was ripped by the British tabloids for his connection with Rothschild. This sensationalized media attack heightened after their relationship ended, with claims that Electronica was violent toward Rothschild.

On A Written Testimony's "Ghost of Soulja Slim," Electronica reference to the Synagogue of Satan is paired with wordplay aimed at his ex-girlfriend.

"I came to bang with the scholars," he raps. "And I bet you a Rothschild I get a bang for my dollar/The synagogue of Satan want me to hang by my collar/But all praise due to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala."

This creates the allusion that Electronica was not attacking the Jewish religion or even multiple Jews. Instead, he was finding a clever way to vent about a personal vendetta he had against a woman who he feels aided in helping the media assassinate his character. Still, Rosenberg feels like this attack created a careless ricochet that hurt other Jewish people.

  Do you think Rosenberg has a legitmate reason to feel a way or do you think he took a lyric personal that wasn't meant for him? Let us know your thoughts!

Photo: Getty

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/03/17/jay-electronica%E2%80%99s-album-%E2%80%98a-written-testimony%E2%80%99-has-joe-budden-peter-rosenburg-feeling-a-ce

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior Feb. 7, 2020 – BIRDS OF PREY: ETC. ETC.

Thank heavens that there’s only one new wide release this weekend, and just as thankfully, it’s a movie that could help revive an ailing box office that’s been all about Sony’s Bad Boys for Life, Universal’s 1917 and Dolittle for the past few weeks. I never got around to seeing last week’s Gretel and Hansel, and I might still if I have time, but The Rhythm Section wasn’t that bad, and it certainly shouldn’t have bombed as badly as it did, making less than $3 million in 3,000 theaters. Yup, last weekend wasn’t great, and it was only partially due to the Super Bowl.

Clearly, it’s time to move on to this week with the first “superhero” movie of the year, the follow-up to one of DC Entertainment’s biggest outings but also meant to be its own thing, which is BIRDS OF PREY: AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF HARLEY QUINN (Warner Bros.). It stars recent Oscar nominee Margot Robbie reprising her role as Harley Quinn, the Joker’s girlfriend/therapist, who is branching out on her own with her own supergirl group, which includes Huntress (Mary Elizabeth Winsted), Black Canary (Jurnee Smollett-Bell), Renée Montoya (Rosie Perez) and Cassandra Cain (at one point, called Batgirl), played by Ella Jay Basco.  Robbie first played the role in 2016’s Suicide Squad, which earned over $300 million domestic, which some might point to the popularity of Harley as a comic character, but you could also point to things like the fact it starred bonafide box office star Will Smith (whose most recent movie Bad Boys 2 is currently the biggest movie of the year. Birds of Prey also stars Ewan McGregor and Chris Messina, as two well-known Bat-villains, Black Mask and Victor Zsasz, making their big screen live action debuts.

Unlike Suicide Squad, Birds of Prey is Rated R as DC and Warner Bros. have seen the huge success of the recent Joker movie, as well as the two Deadpool movies as proof that R-rated comic book movies can still do well even without the teen and tween audiences that usually go to see them. Presumably, Birds of Prey will attract more women due to the characters, although I’m sure there will be some men who who are just as interested due to the connections to the DC Universe. I’m just not sure this will be as big a draw to men as some of those other movies. I’ll have my own review on the blog a little later today.

While I don’t think Birds of Prey will open as big as Joker– let’s face it, the characters therein just aren’t nearly as well known, even Harley – I do think it will do quite well, making somewhere in the $60 million range, maybe more if the reviews are as positive as the early raves that were posted last week. (Having seen the movie and with my review on the way, I don’t think it will fare that well among real critics. You can read my own REVIEW here.)

Either way, Birds of Prey will the weekend with relative ease, although we’ll have to see how Sunday’s Oscar celebration affects all the movies’ business towards the end of the weekend.

This week’s Top 10 should look something like this…

1. Birds of Prey, Etc. Etc (Warner Bros.) - $64.5 million N/A (up $1.9 million)*

2. Bad Boys for Life (Sony) - $9.7 million –45%

3. 1917 (Universal) - $6.3 million -35%

4. Dolittle  (Universal) - $4.7 million -40%

5. Jumanji: The Next Level  (Sony) - $3.7 million -38%

6. The Gentlemen (STXfilms) - $2.9 million -48%

7. Gretel and Hansel  (U.A. Releasing) - $2.8 million -55%

8. Little Women (Sony) - $2 million -35%

9. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (Lucasfilm/Disney) - $1.7 million -46%

10. The Turning  (Universal) - $1.3 million -55%

* UPDATE: I lowered my prediction a bit after seeing the movie but seeing that reviews have mainly been positive, I think it will help the movie bring in more business before Sunday.

LIMITED RELEASES

Two genre films that have been playing on the genre festival for the last year or so will open in select cities, the first being COME TO DADDY (Saban Films), the directorial debut by horror producer Ant Timpson, who was responsible for horror anthologies, The ABCs of Death and The Field Guide to Evil, as well as popular genre flicks Turbo Kid and The Greasy Strangler. In the movie, Elijah Wood plays Norval Grenwood, a young man called to the remote cabin of his estranged father (Stephen McHattie) who he hasn’t seen in 30 years, since his father walked out on his mother when he was just five years old. Once he gets there, he learns that his father is an abusive alcoholic, and yet, nothing is really what it seems. I saw this at the Tribeca Film Festival and mostly enjoyed it, and I really like Timpsons’s sensibilities as a filmmaker but it really starts to go off the rails as it goes along. Some will definitely enjoy that.

Severin Fialla and Veronika Fanz, the Belgian filmmakers behind Goodnight Mommy, return with THE LODGE (NEON), a creepy thriller in which a couple kids (Lia McHugh, Jaeden Martell) go to a remote cabin near a lake for the Christmas holidays with their new stepmother (Riley Keough) after learning a lot more about her dark past before meeting their widowed father (Richard Armitage). There’s so much more to this movie than what you can see in the suitably eerie trailer, and I certainly will not spoiler any of the experience, although personally, I found this to be more of a downer than Hereditary, a movie that I absolutely loved. This one might take another viewing for me to really get behind it, but other than the performances, the overall look and eerie feel and the twists, it’s pretty dark and depressing, so I’m not 100% sure I’d really want to see it again or can recommend it wholeheartedly.  Either way, both of these movies are opening at the Alamo Drafthouse in Brooklyn as well as other select cities.

Ben Cookson’s Waiting for Anya (Vertical), adapted from the novel by the same name from the author of War Horse, stars Noah Schnapp as Jo Lalande, a 13-yearold sheperd boy who joins with a reclusive widow (the amazing Anjelica Huston) to help smuggle Jewish children into Spain during World War II.

From Yash Raj Films comes this week’s Bollywood selection Mohit Suri’s Malang, starring Aditya Roy Kapoor as the introverted Advit, who visits Goa where he meets a free-spirited girl from London named Sara (Disha Patani), who has come to India to live like a vagabond or “Malang.” Something happens that changes as five years later, we meet a vigilante killer cop (Anil Kapoor) and a righteous cop (Kunal Kemmu)… And suddenly, I feel like I need to see this movie. It will probably open in 100 theaters or more.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Let’s start out with the Netflix offerings, beginning with the recent Sundance premiere, HORSE GIRL, the new film from Jeff Baena (The Little Hours, Life after Beth), co-written and starring Alison Brie as a socially awkward woman into horses and supernatural crime whose lucid dreams start infiltrating into her waking life. I haven’t seen it yet but I’m definitely interested in the premise, and I generally like Brie’s work.

I never really got into Joe Hill’s books/comics, but I’ll probably give the series LOCKE AND KEY a look when it debuts its first season on Friday. It involves three kids who move with their Mom to an ancestral estate where a series of keys unlock secrets and powers.

On Wednesday debuts the Netflix docuseries They’ve Gotta Have Us from Simon Frederick and Ava DuVernay’s ARRAY will premiere, looking at some of the important and iconic voices in Black Cinema.

If you haven’t had a chance to see DGA winner Alma Har’el’s Honey Boy, starring Shia LaBeouf, Lucas Hedges and Noah Jupe, based on Shia’s semi-autobiographical screenplay, then it will premiere on Amazon Prime this Friday.

Premiering on Hulu this Friday is Into the Dark: My Valentine, the latest horror feature from Blumhouse as part of this ongoing horror series, this one written and directed by Maggie Levin, who has directed a bunch of shorts. It involves a pop singer whose songs and identity are stolen by her manager ex-boyfriend and pasted on his new girlfriend, which comes to a head when they’re locked up in a small concert venue and things get violence.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

If you went out to see Makoto Shinkai’s Weathering with You and enjoyed it but haven’t seen his previous movie Your Name (which is just as excellent) then you’re in luck cause the Metrograph is showing it a number of times starting Friday. Thursday might be your last chance to see the new 35mm print of Martin Scorsese’s 1977 film New York, New York unless it’s extended, but the Hal Hartley serieshas been extended through the weekend with reruns of Trust (1990), Simple Men (1992) and Amateur (1994), all good, but Trust is my favorite of those three. This week’s Welcome To Metrograph: Redux is a good one, Lars von  Trier’s 1996 film Breaking the Waves, which will screen Saturday and Sunday nights.This week’s Late Nites at Metrograph is Orson Welles’ The Lady from Shanghai (1947), while the Playtime: Family Matinee sselection is Amy Heckerling’s classic Clueless (1995).

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE BROOKLYN (NYC)

Wednesday might you can maybe get tickets for the “Weird Wednesday,” the Lone Wolf and Cub movie Shogun Assassin (1980) – I’ll be there for the 7pm screening. Thursday night is a screening of the 1932 Dorothy Arzner film Merrily We Go to Hell. On Monday, Video Vortex presents a J-Horror Bloodbath double feature of Demon Within and Biotherapy, both from 1985. ($5 admittance!) Next week’s “Terror Tuesday” is 1980’s Terror Train, starring Jamie Lee Curtis, and then next week’s “Weird Wednesday” is 1990’s White Palace, starring Susan Sarandon and James Spader, picked by Alamo programmer Christina Cacioppo, so you know it’s gotta be very weird! J

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

The Weds matinee is the musical The King and I (1956), starring Yul Brynner and Deborah Kerr. Weds. and Thurs. night are double features of the Safdies’ Uncut Gems with The Object of Beauty (1991), starring John Malkovich and Andie McDowell with the Safdies doing a QnA on Thursday. Friday’s matinee is the 1982 Paul Schrader Cat People remake, while that Friday’s midnight is True Romance, while Saturday’s midnight movie is 1975’s Aloha, Bobby and Rose. This weekend’s Kiddee Matinee is 2002’s Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, continuing that series, as well as there being a Cartoon Club on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Monday’s matinee is Vincent Gallo’s Buffalo ’66while the Monday night double feature is Fear is the Key (1972) and Villain(1971). Tuesday’s Grindhouse double is Hot Potato (1976) and Golden Needles  (1974)..

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Mostly taking a break this week to air the Oscar-nominated shorts but Joseph Mankiewicz’s 1950 classic All About Eve will screen in 35mm as part of the “Sunday Print Edition.”

AERO  (LA):

Elliot Gould will be on hand Friday to discuss M*A*S*H* airing as part of the “Antiwar Cinema,” then Friday, there will be a double feature of Grand Illusion(1937) and Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence  (1983). On Friday, Aero will screen Masaki Kobayashi’s “The Human Condition” trilogy, three movies from 1959 through 1961, airing as a triple feature.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC): This Friday, the Quad begins screening Albert E. Lewin’s 1951 film Pandora and the Flying Dutchman, starring Ava Gardner and James Mason, restored from Martin Scorsese’s own 35mm print. Also starting Friday, the Quad will also be screening a series of Man Ray shorts from 1926 to 1929.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The “Black Women” series continues this week with The Omega Man and Strange Days on Wednesday, Set It Off, Bright Road and Poetic Justice on Thursday and more over the weekend. It continues through Thursday, February 13. This weekend’s “Film Forum Jr.” is the recent movie-musicalDreamgirls.

MOMA  (NYC):

Modern Matinees: Jack Lemmon continues this week on Weds with 1951’s Kotch, Thursday with Robert Altman’s 1993classic Short Cuts, and then on Friday, another screening of the 1960 Oscar winner The Apartment co-starring Shirley MacLaine.

FILM AT LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

On Friday, FilmLinc starts a new one-week series called “Dreamed Paths: The Films of Angela Shanelec,” and I honestly have no idea who that is. It’s a pretty comprehensive retrospective of the German filmmaker’s work, so I’m shocked that I’ve never seen a single one of her movies. Besides her work, the filmmaker will also be showing a few hand-selected films like Manoel de Oliveira’s I’m Going Home (2001), the Korean film The Day After and Maurice Pialat’s 1972 film We Won’t Grow Old (1972).

ANTHOLOGY FILM ARCHIVES (NYC):

The Anthology’s “The Devil Probably: A Century of Satanic Panic” continues this weekend with Edgar J. Ulmer’s The Black Cat (1934) on Wednesday, Sidney Hayers’ Burn Witch Burn (1962), Terence Fisher’s The Devil Rides Out (1968), Roman Polanski’s Rosemary’s Baby (1968) and more screening over the next week.

NITEHAWK CINEMA  (NYC):

Not to be outdown by the Roxy, Brooklyn’s Nitehawk is getting on the Nicolas Cage love-a-thon with the Williamsburg doing an “Uncaged” series starting with Cage’s latest Color Out of Spaceat midnight on Friday, and then Peggy Sue Got Married (1986) on Tuesday. (The latter is sold out.) Williamsburg is also screening Tony Scott’s True Romance (1993) on Saturday afternoon.Prospect Park is showing Barry Jenkins’ Schmoonlight Saturday to kick off its Valentine’s Day series.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

Weekend Classics: Luis Buñuel is taking another weekend off for no obvious reason – it’ll be back next week -- but Waverly Midnights: Hindsight is 2020s will screen the 1973 sci-fi classic Soylent Green and Late Night Favorites: Winter 2020 is going with the 4k restoration of David Lynch’s Blue Velvet.

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

Starting Friday at BAM is Horace Jenkins 1982 film Cane River, starring Richard Romain and Tommye Myrick (both doing QnAs over the weekend), and the actors and relatives of Jenkins will be appearing at a number of screenings this weekend.

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

2001: A Space Odyssey will once again screen as a Saturday matinee in conjunction with MOMI’s exhibit.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

The Nicolas Cage love continues with two of his movies from 2003: Charlie Kaufman’s Adaptation (2003) on Wednesday and Disney’s National Treasure on Thursday.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

Not to be outdown by the IFC Center, the Nuart’s Friday midnight movie is Dario Argento’s Suspiriafrom 1977.

Next week is Presidents Day weekend, another four-day holiday weekend, but it’s also Valentine’s Day Friday, so we’ll get kiddie movies like Sonic the Hedgehog (Paramount), romantic movies like The Photograph (Universal) and horror movies like Fantasy Island (Sony).

[deanstits]

AU Fic Rec, Part 4

Modern AU

Buckle the fuck in children, this is going to be long and uhhhhhhhhh long.

Modern AU - Anything set in current day, but not in the SPN universe. A lot of the BDSM/sex worker fics fit into this category but obviously??? They belong on the ever important BDSM list. Duh.

Let’s get fuckin ready.

Part One - BDSM

Part Two - Sci-FI/Fantasy

Part Three - Historical Setting

____

1. The Last Great Race - Kicking it off with a bang. Cas is a reporter, he goes to Alaska to cover the Iditarod - the dog sled race. Dean is participating and so is Sam and there are so many huskies and also romance. It has a prequel time stamp. It is lovely and I love it and read this right now.

2.  Pies and Prejudice - This is on my Top 8, but it’s a Pride and Prejudice Great British Bake Off Modern AU Fusion. Dean is Liz and Cas is Darcy. Please read this it’s wonderful and also cake is involved.

3. Between The Lines - Fam, Okay, I thought this was going to be Garbage but it’s not. Environmentalist Cas gets in a twitter feud(!!!!) with Western Actor Dean and they make a bet to live in off the land for a week and it’s. Amazing. Enemies 2 frends 2 luvrs. Trust me.

4. And Then You Destroy Yourself - The only Non-BDSM College AU worth reading. Cas is a freshman, he joins the College Newspaper, there is drama and mystery and intrigue. And Gay. The underage drinking is bit cringe but it’s very in character for college students, so what r u gonna do.

5. Love In The Wild - This is a hilaaaaarious Reality Show AU. Dean goes on a dating show and does challenges and meets the luv of his life, u kno? What more do you need. There is sex.

6. Through Basin And Range - Yeee buddy, Road Trip Fic!!!!! Dean and Cas are there but have broken up and it’s rough, and Sam is there also but he is sexting Kevin for some reason. Cas is spending the summer working on a thesis for his Geology Masters (master of rocks), and Sam n Dean tag along. This story really is lovey. It’s only on LJ though, so. :/

7. Unintended - Lawyer Cas bids for Fire Fighter Dean in a date auction and honestly. The sex in this is so good, like I lost this fic for three years but still remembered The Scene (You’ll know the one, that shit is hardly ever seen outside of PWP). This fic is so slept on. You need to read it. I think they live in Washinton or something. Maybe NYC. I forget, I’m busy thinking about The Scene.

8. Your Heart Makes - Ok so there are Three Disney Land AUs in this fandom that I know of. One of them is garbage, one of them is pretty good, and the last is incredible and it’s ur lucky day because the incredible one is this one. Castiel suffers from pretty bad depression, and is just trying to get through life, day by day. Insert Dean w/ a heart condition. There’s love, there’s slow build, there’s disney ride hand jobs. It’s a good time.

9. Any Little Heartbreak - I just reread this one recently! Heart Surgeon Dean! Surgery Nurse Cas! Enemies to FWB to Lovers! It’s like Scrubs meets... some sort of medical drama. Whatever, it’s a trip, and Meg is so fun.

10. Bearing Point - This fic is lovely and fun and it’s construction Dean + restoration expert Cas. I have beef with this fic, in that the author made Dean gay, instead of bi or pan and for me, a huge bisexual with strong emotional ties to Dean’s bisexuality, it kind of grated on me a bit and ruined the immersion. But, if you’re not a big baby like me, this fic is lovely and wonderful and they literally build homes together and also get nasty.

11. For All You Young Hockey Players Out There, Pay Attention - SPORTS AU. I don’t like sports but SPORTS AU. Dean is a hockey person. Something something NHL. Dean plays the sports with his brother. They get a new player from russia, but Dean is >:( bc they traded out his bff so Cas is The Enemy. Enemies to grudging friends to lovers. Coming out. Homophobic confusion. This fic is wonderful and lovely and sports. If you love destiel and you love Check Please, then this is the AU for U.

12.  Fourth Time’s the Charm - Ooooooooh, age gap fic. Cas is a comic book artist, Dean is a fan who goes to conventions. He’s also a virgin. :) Here is a direct quote from the summary: ‘Dean shyly fumbles his way through his first real relationship.’ Literally what more do you need? Literally?

13. If At First You Don’t Succeed (Destroy All Evidence That You Ever Tried) - lmao this fic is ridiculous. Inspired by the HIMYM episode, the three days rule, Dean replaces his number in Castiel’s phone to test he’s not being too eager when he meets girls. sexting ensues and Dean is !!!!! Gay Panicked. I love it, read it now, it’s sexy.

14.  Prosopagnosia -  This one is Teen and Up, I know, I am shocked that I’ve included it too. But it’s such a sweet story. Castiel works in a Gas n’ Sip and he has a cognitive disorder that means he’s face blind. He can’t recognize anyone, which makes his blossoming relationship with Dean a bit complicated. But they work around it. The Impala plays an important role.

15. Run Boy Run - FAM OK FAM PLS. Blind! Dean wants to compete in the Boston Marathon, but he needs a guide people to help him navigate obstacles and the other contestants. Castiel’s brother signs him up and he’s reluctant, but then he meets Dean and uhhhhhhh it all works out. It’s so sweet. Read it. Teen and Up again??? I’m srry, but it’s really good.

16. Yellow - Here’s another I haven’t read yet, but. It’s Elizabeth1985 and also it’s Cas in Witness protection and the excerpt I read places it firmly on my favourites list. Ex-mobster Cas, They are bartenders, there is falling in love, there is also fucking yeaaaa buddy, back on the sexy bandwagon.

17. Rough Seas - Dean is a Lieutenant Commander who moves home with a toddler and he’s involved with the Coast Guard, and he used to know Cas but there was gay panic and so things are tense and angsty and wonderful and this fic is amazing. SLOW BUILD. LOVERS TO ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS. Literally the best. There is a sequel which is almost as long. This fic is so lovely.

18. Asunder - This fic my guys, this fic. Please send help. Social Worker Dean. Recovering Heroin addicts Sam and Ruby who are getting married. They go to Bobby’s for the wedding. I forget how Cas fits in but he’s there and it’s lovely and so well written and wonderful and honestly? A Classic. If you read anything from this list, read this fic.

19. Satin and Sawdust - Lmao u guys u know me. Dean in panties love story. It’s on my Top 8. There’s capentry, there’s gay panic Cas, there’s satin and lace and soft cotton and also Dean has two cats. Read this right now.

20. Living In Agony - THIS FIC MY GUYS. I had three people read it from my Top 8 and they all died and met me in heaven bc i also died when I read it bc it is so. Lovely. Angst, mental illness, teachers Cas and Dean, Gabriel and Charlie are there also, Jess is a delight, Sam is in love with green smoothies, the sex is ridiculous (there is one line that helped shape me as a person and you will know which it is and you can blame this fic for all of the absolute filth that comes out of my brain. Read this right now.

21. Inevitable Homoeroticism in Spanish Romantic Heroes - :) Okay so Dean is a Grad student and Cas is a professor and it’s academic and sexy and not really a college au and I read it like four years ago and I still think about it. I suggest it very highly!!!

22. Get Some - Dean is in college and needs a place to live. He goes to live with Castiel, at the stoner house. Gay Panic happens and there are drugs and loads of casual sex and it’s honestly a good time. A bit angsty but mostly thumbs up muy bueno.

23.  That Summer - Short and sweet, lost love, this fic is so lovely and wonderful. It does feature an age gap with underage Dean so, if that’s not your bag... He is 17 at the time. Farmer Cas! Love and exploring sexuality!

24. Rvr Ro11435 - Destiel works at Nasa!!! Neither are astronauts but they are smart cookies who help send people to space. It’s tagged as an office romance. It’s cute.

25. The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia - One night stand. Dean gets an STD. Has to find his boo and tell ‘em about the STD. There’s fun sex and love and one of them is a baker and the love is so sweet and I love this fic. And I’m psure Cas gets a cat.

26.  Say a Prayer and Light a Candle - College AU where Cas struggles with dating agnostic Dean bc he is very Jewish, and it’s important to him and his family. This fic is special, and really culturally rich. I love it. Little bit of Angst, mostly love and sweetness.

27. Painted Angels - Fuck u this one is hurt of my heart. The Angst is Unreal. Dean is an artist. Or, he was an Artist. Lost Love, which gets found again. Cas returning to town a decade later. All the good shit.

28. Small Town Charmer - SMALL TOWNS! DEAN AND CAS! THEY RUN BUSINESSES AND FALL IN LOVE! Errrrrrr OTHER STUFF HAPPENS! This fic is lovely and great and if you don’t read it then u a dum dum.

29. Summer Holds a Song (We Might Sing Forever) - :) Age difference. Body worship. Dean Winchester described as a Greek God. The fucking is so hot. The love is so sweet. It’s short, but you gotta read this.

30. The Great Escapist - This fic is so sweet. College roommates Dean and Cas spend the summer together and fall in love. I don’t remember if there is Gay panic but like... I’m pretty sure.

Okay! 30 seems like enough. Maybe in the future I will do a part five. We’ll see. :)

____

Top 8 Personal Favs

[bruno-news]

It’s Joy Time for Bruno Mars

WE’RE JUST CAVEMEN, hitting on rocks,” says Bruno Mars. “It’s no different—you’re a caveman and you got a rock in front of you, you hit it with a stick to get everybody dancing. This is our time to forget about everything, it’s joy time. So who’s the best at hitting that rock? Who’s going to make the village dance the hardest?” 

At a casual glance, you might not know that Mars is one of our superstar cavemen. Pulling up to an upscale Italian restaurant on an anonymous street in L.A.’s San Fernando Valley, alone in a relatively modest Cadillac, he parks in back by the dumpsters to slip in quietly. In contrast to the flashy outfits he wears onstage, he’s dressed in a simple collarless bomber jacket, a white Gucci logo T-shirt and camouflage pants. A small crucifix on a thin chain hangs around his neck. 

But at age 31, the singer/songwriter/producer dynamo born Peter Gene Hernandez is unquestionably one of the most highly decorated figures in pop music, with 21 Grammy nominations and 21 Hot 100 hit singles. He has sold over 170 million singles and 26 million albums worldwide and notched his first five No. 1 hits faster than any male artist since Elvis Presley. His third album, 24K Magic, debuted at No. 2 in November; more than two months later, it was still parked in the top five. 

On this drizzly January day, Mars is trying to take care of business before heading to Japan for promotional duties. He’s finalizing plans for the album’s second single, the breezy, drop-top banger “That’s What I Like,” and plotting out his performance for the Grammy Awards. Today, he’s mostly bouncing between meetings and calls to assemble the staging for his massive world tour—already more than 100 dates this year, starting in late March in Antwerp, Belgium, and hitting the U.S. in July. 

“I want the show to be powerful, because people spent some money on a ticket,” he says. “I’ve seen some awesome shows. I’ve seen Prince and Michael Jackson ; those are nights I will remember forever. I’m not doing my job unless I leave a piece of me everywhere I go—if you do the right show, it will stay with people and they’ll tell their kids about it. I hope people can see what I was feeling when I made the records. Then I want to go beyond their expectations and fly.” 

With his old-school dedication to entertaining and his grounding in classic pop and R&B songwriting, Mars stands alongside Adele as one of today’s most universally beloved musicians. “My mum loves Bruno Mars and my son loves Bruno Mars and he’s 5,” says James Corden, host of The Late Late Show—and, recently, the Grammys—in a phone call. “I love how joyful, positive, uplifting his music is. It excludes no one. Everybody is welcome.” 

Mars makes no secret that being onstage comes much easier to him than being in the studio. Almost four full years passed between his quadruple-platinum Unorthodox Jukebox album and the release of 24K Magic. He works so obsessively on each song, he says, that he drew up parameters for himself in order to get the concise, nine-song project finished. “I wanted to make a movie, where each song has its own moment,” he says. “So ‘Versace on the Floor’ is the tender moment, ‘That’s What I Like’ is the fun moment, and the ballad at the end [“Too Good to Say Goodbye”] seals the deal. That’s how I kind of tricked myself into making the album. 

“We were trying really hard to tap into the ’90s R&B music that we grew up with, and it’s a very fine line—it can get tribute-y, it can sound forced,” Mars adds. “But that New Jack Swing sound brought me so much joy as a kid, so we took that on and did our best to try to get that feeling, that effortless fun.” 

His interest in exploring the sounds of the past has sometimes led to accusations that Mars is just a talented copycat. When 24K Magic was released, one publication offered a track-by-track analysis of which artist each song was imitating. Not surprisingly, Mars gets heated about such criticisms. 

“Man, that pisses me off so much!” he says. “It’s so easy to say that, but anyone that does that kind of shit has never written a song in their life. That’s why I’m here, because of musicians before me. 

“Don’t get me wrong—there is plagiarism when you just say ‘Hey, man, what are you doing? I’ve heard that already.’ And I’m not stupid, of course it sounds like [the ’90s]. We’re using these vintage instruments and there is a certain sound, but it’s not just regurgitated. You can tell that we were listening to ’90s R&B. It has that spirit. That’s what we capture, and that’s what I want.” 

Every time I think about it, my whole story is just weird,” says Mars. “Even I don’t get it!” He was born and raised in Honolulu, one of six children—his Filipino-Spanish mother was a singer and dancer; his Jewish–Puerto Rican father was a percussionist. By age 4, young Bruno (the nickname came from his father, who thought the infant Peter resembled wrestler Bruno Sammartino) was performing five days a week in the family band, the Love Notes, singing Michael Jackson and Temptations covers. 

According to his older brother, Eric “E-Panda” Hernandez, when Bruno was just a few years old, his parents dressed him up as Elvis for Halloween. “He was already so in tune with Elvis that he was imitating the moves, the lips, drawing a crowd,” says Hernandez. “I thought, ‘Holy cow, he’s a showstopper already!’ ” “Little Elvis” went on to perform at halftime in the 1990 Aloha Bowl and had a cameo in the 1992 film Honeymoon in Vegas. 

“If you took your kid to school with you every day, and you were studying rocket science, he’d probably be a rocket scientist,” says Mars. “So that’s just it—my dad and mom took me to work every single day, and I got to see what it’s like to entertain an audience. I got to entertain everybody who came to Hawaii—a roomful of people that didn’t speak English, from around the world—and to see what music can do, and how it can bring the world together.” 

Above all, he learned the power of a great song, the fundamentals of writing music that far outlives its creator. Hernandez, who is now the drummer in Mars’s band, recalls Bruno constantly studying music videos—doo-wop, Michael Jackson, Elvis, anything he could get his hands on—in the bedroom they shared. 

“I’ve been singing amazing songs since I was a kid,” Mars says. “They weren’t my songs, but they were classics. So I’ve trained my brain to know what it feels like to sing an amazing song—when you do a lot of covers, you see it; you’ll play a song and you see everybody freak out when you get to that chorus, everyone is singing. It taps into something, whether it’s nostalgia or it just makes people feel a certain way.” 

His father gave him a guitar and started teaching him to play—surf music at first, classics like “Walk Don’t Run” and “Apache.” The influence ran deeper than just the music, as evidenced by the silk-shirt-and-shorts set, white shoes and gold jewelry he sports on the cover of 24K Magic. “The style stuff all comes from watching my dad—the pinkie rings, the pompadour, everything,” Mars says with a big grin. “My dad would take me to school in some big, busted-up Cadillac, and he’d be wearing a rhinestone jacket and have his hair all whipped and greased up, flashy glasses, and I was like, My dad’s not like the other dads at school! I’d try to get out of the car, zoom out. And now I’m the one driving the busted Cadillac, wearing some gaudy shit, and it’s what makes me happy.”

“Bruno is a fashion leader, with a sense of style that is truly his own,” says Tommy Hilfiger, whose clothes Mars sometimes wears onstage. “He is almost chameleonlike—for one concert, he’ll wear an animal-print shirt, then the next, he’ll be in a tuxedo, and it’s all him, he is totally in control of his presence.” 

After graduating from high school, Mars moved to Los Angeles to pursue a musical career. (He now lives in the Hollywood Hills with model/actress Jessica Caban, whom he has dated since 2011.) He was signed by Motown Records in 2004 but then dropped. He kicked around town, signing a publishing deal, playing in cover bands and soaking up all he could from sympathetic, successful songwriters. He wrote songs for K’naan, Brandy and Flo Rida and, in 2009, co-founded a production team, the Smeezingtons. 

His breakthrough came with the hits “Nothin’ on You” by B.o.B. and “Billionaire” by Travie McCoy, both of which featured his voice on the hooks, and then with Cee Lo’s 2010 smash politely known as “Forget You.” Just weeks before that song dropped, Mars released “Just the Way You Are,” the first single from his debut album on Atlantic Records, Doo-Wops and Hooligans. The irresistibly sweet ballad went to No. 1 and topped the adult contemporary chart for a record-breaking 20 weeks. (The next single, “Grenade,” also went to No. 1, and the ukulele-driven trifle “The Lazy Song” cracked the top five.) After a brief tour opening for Maroon 5, he played headlining dates for more than a year, as the album saw sales of more than six million units worldwide and an unbelievable 300-plus weeks on the Billboard Top 200. 

On the road, though, Mars became aware of the limitations of his repertoire. “The first album was so ballad-heavy,” he says, “and when I toured I was like, ‘Man, I need to dance!’ We gotta pick this up, because we can offer more and we’re kinda stuck. And that’s where ‘Locked Out of Heaven’ and ‘Treasure’ and a lot of tunes on the second album came from, because we wanted to push the tempo.” 

With an Anglo-reggae groove reminiscent of the Police (Mars and Sting sang together at the 2013 Grammy Awards), “Locked Out of Heaven” shot Unorthodox Jukebox out of the gate in 2012. The album explored disco and classic soul styles and topped charts around the world. And then, at the end of 2014, Mars was featured on producer Mark Ronson’s earth-quaking, booty-shaking, record-breaking throwback “Uptown Funk.” Certified diamond, for sales over 10 million, the song is only the eighth single in history to spend at least 14 weeks at No. 1. “Uptown Funk” won three Grammys, including record of the year, and for months it was unavoidable—on your TV, in your car or at sporting events. 

Mars says the song emerged only after a long struggle and that they had almost tossed it away. “We went through some trials and tribulations,” he says. “I’m not lying when I tell you that we were fighting—I was on tour and Mark would send me something and I’d be like, ‘Are you out of your mind?’ And I’d send him something back and he’d be like, ‘No, my version is better.’ We were both fighting for the greater good of the song. 

“You press play and it went, ‘This here’s that ice-cold…’ and it was like, ‘Oh, what’s about to happen?!’ But then ‘Oh, man, that’s what you got? Nah, never mind, turn it off.’ And that kept happening for months. 

“Finally the solution was that we just needed to dance—to say, ‘Don’t believe me, just watch,’ and that’s it. Don’t try to write a hook. You don’t need more; that already said everything. But it took us a while to feel that, because the way we were doing it was so unorthodox, piece by piece. When we finally got together and picked up the instruments, we got to feel it. That’s when the superpower comes in.” 

Even after cranking out so many hits—plus collaborations with and writing efforts for everyone from Lil Wayne to Alicia Keys, Adele to Jay Z and Kanye West—Mars has no formula or shortcuts; songwriting remains an instinctive craft. 

“When you’re in the studio, you can feel the energy shift,” he says. “It’s no different from telling a good joke—you can tell when it lights up the room. Or from telling a shitty joke that makes everyone want to leave and you hear the crickets. So you’re always trying to find that magic and then capitalize on it. 

“You find something—‘put your pinkie rings up to the moon’—and everyone’s excited, but now what? What does the bass sound like, or the drums? If ‘24K Magic’ is supposed to sound like I’m having the time of my life, you gotta hear me smiling on the record.”

There’s no bigger stage than the Super Bowl halftime show; Bruno Mars is one of a few performers who have played it twice. In 2014, he played during a rare northern excursion, as the 48th annual game took place in New Jersey. “Rehearsing in the cold sucked,” he says. “We got lucky on the day, it was 50 degrees, but two days before it was -9 or something.” His action-packed performance was the highest-rated halftime show ever (since surpassed by Katy Perry and Lady Gaga) and earned widespread raves, especially considering that his career hadn’t quite reached the spot’s usual mega-A-list status. 

Then last year, on the heels of “Uptown Funk,” Chris Martin of Coldplay invited Mars and Beyoncé to join the group’s halftime set. “I told Chris, ‘This is your Super Bowl performance, you deserve it, go kill ’em,’ ” Mars says. “But he’s such a sweetheart and he kept saying, ‘Bruno, this is a gift I want to give to everybody.’ He talked me into it. He’s a sweet talker, that guy. And she signed up, and all of a sudden I’m in rehearsal dance-battling Beyoncé—what the hell happened?” 

Mars is proud of his work ethic and dedication to every appearance, something Corden can attest to after they filmed a Carpool Karaoke segment last year (the clip has had nearly 40 million views on YouTube since airing in December). “My biggest memory of that day was that the second it ended, I got a little depressed,” says Corden. “Like the last day of vacation, where you’re on the plane home and feel sad that it’s over. It was so euphoric, I just wanted to do it again. There’s a moment at the end of ‘Uptown Funk’ where we’re just sitting there and breathing heavily, and that was real. His commitment was everything—we left it all in the car. 

“I think he’s 100 percent on his way to being one of the greats,” Corden continues. “There are great showmen who get by without always having great songs and great songwriters who aren’t great showmen, but he’s both those things. He has this unquantifiable energy, where you want to watch it and be a part of it somehow.” 

Hernandez notes that his brother works tirelessly, showing up for every sound check, sometimes arriving before the rest of the band. “He sees something lacking in the business, maybe something we were influenced by as kids that’s missing today, and he sticks to his vision,” says Hernandez. “He’s put that work mentality on the rest of the band, where he makes us want to be great.” 

The rain has stopped and as the sun goes down over the Santa Monica Mountains, Mars heads to the restaurant’s back patio for a cigarette. He seems in no great rush to get back into the scramble of preparing for a tour and keeping the business humming. With the long process of an album finally complete, he says that although he’s open to the idea of more new music or another collaboration, he wants to be careful. 

“I just don’t want to feel gross,” he says. “It’s as simple as that. I don’t want to feel gross, I don’t want to regret any decisions. Even if I turn down a sweet check because I don’t want to be on that billboard, hawking some shit to the world—I just don’t need to do that. Because you get one shot at this. 

“I’m not a model. I’m not an ice skater. I’m not a chef. I’m here to do music. And I want to be able to look back and say, ‘Yeah, I did it the way I wanted to do it.’ Whether it triumphs or fails, I can live with that.”